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What To Look For In A: the only things that really matter
2013.05.17 19:05 fabriziobianchi What To Look For In A: the only things that really matter
WhatToLookForInA is a community you can ask about what really should matter to you when doing your next purchase. Be it pesto, a new faucet for the sink, a car or a subscription, we will be telling you what to look for on the package, label or website in order to make it worth your time and money.
2013.07.28 11:14 What I give form to in daylight is only a fraction of what I have seen in darkness
Paintings and drawings with a horror theme. If it is scary, it is welcome here.
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2024.05.15 08:56 OhIFuckedUpGood My dog will be gone soon.. only 5 years old.
My first dog will be gone soon
My cute dog (American Cocker Spaniel) will pass soon. He already had a bad start when he was still with his mom (inexperienced breeder). He spend the first few weeks in the hospital. Some of his brothers and sisters didn’t make it, but he did. When we had our first check up the vet told us that his lungs are not in a very good shape. The rest of his body was fine with the exception of his teeth which were close together and had some plague already.
During the years we encountered some problems. After weeks of searching what is happening we found he has an severe longterm allergy for beef. We eliminated everything which contains beef, they are everywhere even in Salmon Biscuits… after the elimination it went ok and we even got a second dog.
Everything was going well. He had some problems with teeth (bad shape, due to bad start and medicine there) and his temper like food protection or barking at cars / bikes, but it was fine and he got a good checkup every year including titer tests which were always ok. His health started to decline in the summer of 2023. He started limping on his front feed and was eating worse. We also noticed 2-3 weird spots on his skin which seems like hotspots. The vet told he was a bit heavy, he had a stiff neck and his intestines were a bit puzzled. A few sessions of acupuncture, good washing and balanced diet could help him, and it did help him for a few weeks.
In the winter his health suddenly declined and the weird spots on his skin increased and expanded over his entire body with crusts. He was losing a lot of hair. After a few vet visits, some medicine and some tests we discovered that he was highly allergy for almost everything you could imagine. This was a big message for me and my wife as it would mean we should change in the house a lot while we also have a other dog who lived the same life in perfect health. We switched to special hypoallergenic dog food of Hills so he does not react on that food and keep the other dog on his current food. We had to lock both pets apart and clean up where the other pet and also where we ate so he can’t get any other food in his stomach.
This worked for a few weeks. He remained happy when someone is home, we went to the forest or beach regularly and if I leave the house I always wants to be back as soon as possible to see my family again. I mainly work from home, so the two pets are always around and I have a deep emotional connection with them.
Unfortunately, the spots came back rapidly and he was shaking a lot. His teeth’s were also declining rapidly and his movement worsened that he could jump on the couch anymore and the stairs are done step for each step. We shifted from dexamethasone to Prednisone to see any difference, but recently we came to the conclusion that this and other treatments are not giving the results we and the vet wants. I was still looking for possible solutions, but my wife (had dogs in the past) and vet intervened that he is sick and everything we are doing could at the best only suppress symptoms, we were not making him better. The vet said we were doing everything right on food, health etc. But basically his immune system is failing and not doing what it is supposed to do.
This week we decided to put him down. He will get his final rest next Saturday, on his fifth birthday. I’m devastated and keep crying that it is going to happen. Never had a pet during my youth and I’m just worried about the gap of the unconditional love he will leave. I’m also worried about my second dog who never has been alone and plays a lot with him and what this change will do with him.
While I’m writing this, my dog is sitting next to me and shaking, but he has a lot of moments where it all looks good (with exception of the skin/fur) and he seems enjoying life now. I find it very difficult he is passing at such a young age and weird thoughts are going through my mind if i could have prevented this, do things differently or anything to expand his time here with us. I feel defeated that I couldn’t help him anymore. During the good times I keep on thinking to call off the euthanasia, but then what… wait until he has a very bad or very painful day?
No matter what, I love him and keep carrying the awesome memories and the times he dragged me and my wife through really hard times in my heart. But the grief that he will be gone soon…This is the worst I’ve ever felt in my life…
submitted by OhIFuckedUpGood to u/OhIFuckedUpGood [link] [comments]
My cute dog (American Cocker Spaniel) will pass soon. He already had a bad start when he was still with his mom (inexperienced breeder). He spend the first few weeks in the hospital. Some of his brothers and sisters didn’t make it, but he did. When we had our first check up the vet told us that his lungs are not in a very good shape. The rest of his body was fine with the exception of his teeth which were close together and had some plague already.
During the years we encountered some problems. After weeks of searching what is happening we found he has an severe longterm allergy for beef. We eliminated everything which contains beef, they are everywhere even in Salmon Biscuits… after the elimination it went ok and we even got a second dog.
Everything was going well. He had some problems with teeth (bad shape, due to bad start and medicine there) and his temper like food protection or barking at cars / bikes, but it was fine and he got a good checkup every year including titer tests which were always ok. His health started to decline in the summer of 2023. He started limping on his front feed and was eating worse. We also noticed 2-3 weird spots on his skin which seems like hotspots. The vet told he was a bit heavy, he had a stiff neck and his intestines were a bit puzzled. A few sessions of acupuncture, good washing and balanced diet could help him, and it did help him for a few weeks.
In the winter his health suddenly declined and the weird spots on his skin increased and expanded over his entire body with crusts. He was losing a lot of hair. After a few vet visits, some medicine and some tests we discovered that he was highly allergy for almost everything you could imagine. This was a big message for me and my wife as it would mean we should change in the house a lot while we also have a other dog who lived the same life in perfect health. We switched to special hypoallergenic dog food of Hills so he does not react on that food and keep the other dog on his current food. We had to lock both pets apart and clean up where the other pet and also where we ate so he can’t get any other food in his stomach.
This worked for a few weeks. He remained happy when someone is home, we went to the forest or beach regularly and if I leave the house I always wants to be back as soon as possible to see my family again. I mainly work from home, so the two pets are always around and I have a deep emotional connection with them.
Unfortunately, the spots came back rapidly and he was shaking a lot. His teeth’s were also declining rapidly and his movement worsened that he could jump on the couch anymore and the stairs are done step for each step. We shifted from dexamethasone to Prednisone to see any difference, but recently we came to the conclusion that this and other treatments are not giving the results we and the vet wants. I was still looking for possible solutions, but my wife (had dogs in the past) and vet intervened that he is sick and everything we are doing could at the best only suppress symptoms, we were not making him better. The vet said we were doing everything right on food, health etc. But basically his immune system is failing and not doing what it is supposed to do.
This week we decided to put him down. He will get his final rest next Saturday, on his fifth birthday. I’m devastated and keep crying that it is going to happen. Never had a pet during my youth and I’m just worried about the gap of the unconditional love he will leave. I’m also worried about my second dog who never has been alone and plays a lot with him and what this change will do with him.
While I’m writing this, my dog is sitting next to me and shaking, but he has a lot of moments where it all looks good (with exception of the skin/fur) and he seems enjoying life now. I find it very difficult he is passing at such a young age and weird thoughts are going through my mind if i could have prevented this, do things differently or anything to expand his time here with us. I feel defeated that I couldn’t help him anymore. During the good times I keep on thinking to call off the euthanasia, but then what… wait until he has a very bad or very painful day?
No matter what, I love him and keep carrying the awesome memories and the times he dragged me and my wife through really hard times in my heart. But the grief that he will be gone soon…This is the worst I’ve ever felt in my life…
2024.05.15 08:53 shaneka69 CANCER ZODIAC - UNEXPECTED INCOME! TAROT READING MAY 2024
CANCER ZODIAC TAROT READING - UNEXPECTED INCOME MAY 2024
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2024.05.15 08:44 shaneka69 LIBRA ZODIAC PREDICTIONS MAY 2024
LIBRA ZODIAC PREDICTIONS MAY 2024
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2024.05.15 08:40 Everydayuser3 I’m afraid my ex doesn’t know that I want her back
Me and my ex are currently doing no contact. She knows how much I love her as I already write her a very heartfelt letter saying so. We’ve talked about how we can’t see each other with other people and how much we love each other even after the breakup. Yet long story short me and my ex had a little drawn out break up. I tried to make things work for a month after she first broke up with me. She said she needed to be alone a month later. I kept calling her and she agreed to, up until about a week ago she asked for me to take a step back. I agreed and didn’t message her and her birthday went by within those days. I still didn’t message her. She saw me downtown that night and cried to me and vented and was mad that I didn’t wish her a happy birthday. She asked to apologize and meet up in person the night after. That night we only talked super formally and only about how we’re looking forward to healing.
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?
submitted by Everydayuser3 to WatchPeopleBreakup [link] [comments]
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?
2024.05.15 08:39 Everydayuser3 I’m afraid my ex doesn’t know that I want her back
Me and my ex are currently doing no contact. She knows how much I love her as I already write her a very heartfelt letter saying so. We’ve talked about how we can’t see each other with other people and how much we love each other even after the breakup. Yet long story short me and my ex had a little drawn out break up. I tried to make things work for a month after she first broke up with me. She said she needed to be alone a month later. I kept calling her and she agreed to, up until about a week ago she asked for me to take a step back. I agreed and didn’t message her and her birthday went by within those days. I still didn’t message her. She saw me downtown that night and cried to me and vented and was mad that I didn’t wish her a happy birthday. She asked to apologize and meet up in person the night after. That night we only talked super formally and only about how we’re looking forward to healing.
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?
submitted by Everydayuser3 to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?
2024.05.15 08:39 Everydayuser3 I’m afraid my ex doesn’t know that I want her back
Me and my ex are currently doing no contact. She knows how much I love her as I already write her a very heartfelt letter saying so. We’ve talked about how we can’t see each other with other people and how much we love each other even after the breakup. Yet long story short me and my ex had a little drawn out break up. I tried to make things work for a month after she first broke up with me. She said she needed to be alone a month later. I kept calling her and she agreed to, up until about a week ago she asked for me to take a step back. I agreed and didn’t message her and her birthday went by within those days. I still didn’t message her. She saw me downtown that night and cried to me and vented and was mad that I didn’t wish her a happy birthday. She asked to apologize and meet up in person the night after. That night we only talked super formally and only about how we’re looking forward to healing.
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?
submitted by Everydayuser3 to teenagers [link] [comments]
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?
2024.05.15 08:38 Everydayuser3 I’m afraid my ex doesn’t know that I want her back
Me and my ex are currently doing no contact. She knows how much I love her as I already write her a very heartfelt letter saying so. We’ve talked about how we can’t see each other with other people and how much we love each other even after the breakup. Yet long story short me and my ex had a little drawn out break up. I tried to make things work for a month after she first broke up with me. She said she needed to be alone a month later. I kept calling her and she agreed to, up until about a week ago she asked for me to take a step back. I agreed and didn’t message her and her birthday went by within those days. I still didn’t message her. She saw me downtown that night and cried to me and vented and was mad that I didn’t wish her a happy birthday. She asked to apologize and meet up in person the night after. That night we only talked super formally and only about how we’re looking forward to healing.
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?
submitted by Everydayuser3 to relationships_advice [link] [comments]
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?
2024.05.15 08:38 Everydayuser3 I’m afraid my ex doesn’t know that I want her back
Me and my ex are currently doing no contact. She knows how much I love her as I already write her a very heartfelt letter saying so. We’ve talked about how we can’t see each other with other people and how much we love each other even after the breakup. Yet long story short me and my ex had a little drawn out break up. I tried to make things work for a month after she first broke up with me. She said she needed to be alone a month later. I kept calling her and she agreed to, up until about a week ago she asked for me to take a step back. I agreed and didn’t message her and her birthday went by within those days. I still didn’t message her. She saw me downtown that night and cried to me and vented and was mad that I didn’t wish her a happy birthday. She asked to apologize and meet up in person the night after. That night we only talked super formally and only about how we’re looking forward to healing.
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?
submitted by Everydayuser3 to relationships [link] [comments]
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?
2024.05.15 08:33 Everydayuser3 I’m afraid my ex doesn’t know that I want her back
Me and my ex are currently doing no contact. She knows how much I love her as I already write her a very heartfelt letter saying so. We’ve talked about how we can’t see each other with other people and how much we love each other even after the breakup. Yet long story short me and my ex had a little drawn out break up. I tried to make things work for a month after she first broke up with me. She said she needed to be alone a month later. I kept calling her and she agreed to, up until about a week ago she asked for me to take a step back. I agreed and didn’t message her and her birthday went by within those days. I still didn’t message her. She saw me downtown that night and cried to me and vented and was mad that I didn’t wish her a happy birthday. She asked to apologize and meet up in person the night after. That night we only talked super formally and only about how we’re looking forward to healing.
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?
submitted by Everydayuser3 to PostBreakupHope [link] [comments]
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?
2024.05.15 08:32 Everydayuser3 I’m afraid my ex doesn’t know that I want her back
Me and my ex are currently doing no contact. She knows how much I love her as I already write her a very heartfelt letter saying so. We’ve talked about how we can’t see each other with other people and how much we love each other even after the breakup. Yet long story short me and my ex had a little drawn out break up. I tried to make things work for a month after she first broke up with me. She said she needed to be alone a month later. I kept calling her and she agreed to, up until about a week ago she asked for me to take a step back. I agreed and didn’t message her and her birthday went by within those days. I still didn’t message her. She saw me downtown that night and cried to me and vented and was mad that I didn’t wish her a happy birthday. She asked to apologize and meet up in person the night after. That night we only talked super formally and only about how we’re looking forward to healing.
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?
submitted by Everydayuser3 to offmychest [link] [comments]
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?
2024.05.15 08:32 Everydayuser3 I’m afraid my ex doesn’t know that I want her back
Me and my ex are currently doing no contact. She knows how much I love her as I already write her a very heartfelt letter saying so. We’ve talked about how we can’t see each other with other people and how much we love each other even after the breakup. Yet long story short me and my ex had a little drawn out break up. I tried to make things work for a month after she first broke up with me. She said she needed to be alone a month later. I kept calling her and she agreed to, up until about a week ago she asked for me to take a step back. I agreed and didn’t message her and her birthday went by within those days. I still didn’t message her. She saw me downtown that night and cried to me and vented and was mad that I didn’t wish her a happy birthday. She asked to apologize and meet up in person the night after. That night we only talked super formally and only about how we’re looking forward to healing.
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?
submitted by Everydayuser3 to nocontact [link] [comments]
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?
2024.05.15 08:31 Everydayuser3 I’m afraid my ex doesn’t know that I want her back
Me and my ex are currently doing no contact. She knows how much I love her as I already write her a very heartfelt letter saying so. We’ve talked about how we can’t see each other with other people and how much we love each other even after the breakup. Yet long story short me and my ex had a little drawn out break up. I tried to make things work for a month after she first broke up with me. She said she needed to be alone a month later. I kept calling her and she agreed to, up until about a week ago she asked for me to take a step back. I agreed and didn’t message her and her birthday went by within those days. I still didn’t message her. She saw me downtown that night and cried to me and vented and was mad that I didn’t wish her a happy birthday. She asked to apologize and meet up in person the night after. That night we only talked super formally and only about how we’re looking forward to healing.
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?
submitted by Everydayuser3 to lostafriend [link] [comments]
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?
2024.05.15 08:31 Prize-Dinner-7418 AITA for getting drunk and turning off my phone
TW: Alcoholism, drug addiction, violence, suicidal ideation, sex abuse
This is going to be a LLLLLOOONNNNGGGGG one. This story goes back quite a way, but yesterday was the tenth anniversary of the ending to this story and I'm feeling it, still got some guilt about everything that happened, wondering what I could have done differently and I just want to vent it out and hope to get some closure from it.
This story started in 2010.
Characters in this story (names are fake, duh!):
I had known Stephanie for many years and we had the kind of friendship that made her BFs and my GFs uncomfortable to put it lightly. We had never crossed that boundary and I wouldn't consider us in the friendzone, we were just friend, but the kind of friend where she would sit on my lap with her arms around my neck or her head on my shoulder.
At the start of 2010, Stephanie met her then boyfriend, Stephen. He tolerated me and my friendship with Stephanie because I also had a gf back then. She liked Stephanie, wasn't at all jealous of my friendship with her, so he didn't deem me too suspicious. Then my gf and I broke up for reasons unimportant and all hell broke loose for Stephen. He became convinced that I would try and steal Stephanie from him. He insisted that Stephanie introduce me to her female friends or female friends of his. Thus began what I called the year of the 50 blind dates. It was probably closer to 20, but still I like saying the year of 50 blind dates. Most of them were unremarkable and never went beyond the first date. There are some fun stories in there if anyone wants to hear them eventually!
In July of that year, I had to switch gears because I had to focus up and study for a professional exam for a certification important to my career. This exam required close to 600-800 hours of study over a 3-4 month period. So I hunkered down, told Stephanie to stop the blind dates for now because I had to focus on that. She respected my wishes and, other a text here or there, we went low contact for the last two months before the exam.
Except for one fateful night in September. Her birthday was in September and she always threw these big bashes at her house. She would throw a big pool party that started around noon and would go on to the wee hours of the morning. I knew she would harass me to go to her party, so I made some quick math and figured I would lose more energy and time trying to dodge her calls, texts and most likely visits at my place than by just going to the party itself. So when she called me to ask, I just said: "Okay I'll go to your damn party, now git." I texted her I would get there in the evening probably around 8. She texted back "Great, can't wait. Now study, bitch!"
So I ultimately get there around 8PM. Basically everybody is already drunk off their gourd. Stephanie sees me, squeals in excitement and runs to me in her bikini and just jumps in the air and slams into me, wraps her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist and gives me a big hug. I hug her back and just keep walking back to the pool where she had started, carrying her with me. I just duck my head around hers and say hi to Stephen, who just glares at me.
She drops back down and I give her her gift. We chat for a few seconds and says "There's beer in the fridge and food in the dining room." I told her I'd be right back.
I go inside and grab a beer from the fridge. I head to the dining room and the table is against the wall with a buffet of sandwiches, tomato pizza, salads, etc. I grab a plate and start putting food on it. I was focused on the task because I was starving. I barely noticed, sitting at the end of the table one of the most stunning woman I have ever seen. I just see her in my peripheral vision and I do a quick double take, quick glance at her and back to the food. I do that a second time. And finally a third time. At that point she is just straight up staring at me and I can't help but chuckle and whisper under my breath "Subtle Guy, sub-tle".
Thankfully she starts laughing too, saving me some embarassment. I look at her and greet her. She says "Hi, I'm Maryse and I'm guessing you're Guy?" I just nod and we start talking. At that point, I just thought I have no shot with her, she's so far out of my league that I'm just gonna talk to her until she sees one of the "models" hanging out by the pool and ditches me for him.
So I'm not feeling like I'm playing for anything, so I'm just myself and not nervous, just talking to her as I would any friend. We chat and she laughs at all my jokes, she gets all my cultural references. She never gets up or ditches me. The plate of food I had made and the beer I had gotten are sitting on the table next to me untouched, I was too busy with the convo to think about food or beer anymore.
After what felt like only 20-30 minutes, Stephanie comes in and tells me, fake grumpy: "So that's where you disappeared to. I invite my best friend to a party and he spends the whole night talking to someone else." I laugh and go: "What do you mean the whole night? I haven't been here that long." She says "Dude, it's 2AM. You've been here for 6 hours..." My jaw dropped and I just said: "Wow, time flies when you're having fun." Maryse chimes in, with a big smile: "It sure does!" That made me happy as you can imagine.
Now I was a little stuck because where Stephanie lived, there's no night service for the bus and the subway had been closed for an hour or so. I figured I would cab it. So I turn to Maryse and tell her: "It was absolutely lovely to meet you and I enjoyed our conversation very much." She says that she did too. I continued with "At the moment, my schedule is incredibly hectic. I'm basically working full-time, studying full-time and sleeping part-time. So I don't have a lot of free time, but if she was interested, whatever little free time I had, I would love to call her or text her to keep on getting to know her."
I see Stephanie in the backgroudnd, looking like a proud mama at how smooth that came out, knowing I was always anything but smooth with women, as proven by the string of blind dates! Maryse has a big smile and we exchange numbers. I go to Stephanie to wish her a happy birthday again. While I'm talking to her, my phone buzzes with a text from Maryse: "Just checking!"
I asked Stephanie "What's the best cab company to call in this area?" Maryse chimes in: "Where do you live?" I tell her where I lived and she goes "It's on the way to where I live, I can give you a ride if you want." Stephanie raised an eyebrow in surprise. I learned later, she did it because it absolutely was not on the way to her place, like, at all. I say that I would love that as it would give us a chance to keep talking.
We get in her car, driving to my place. We talk, she asks me what I'm studying as I hadn't mentioned it earlier. I tell her all about the boring maths I had to study. Much too quickly, we get to my place. She parks in front of my building and we keep talking. At some point, I tell her: "Normally, this is where I would try to "trick" you into coming up to my place..." She interrupts me: "You wouldn't need to trick me. I'm willing and able!"
I tell her that "As tempting as that sounds, I know who I am and I know that if you come up and things proceed to where they're going, I'm not going to be able to study for the rest of the month. I have a kind of obsessive mind and when I find someone or something I like, I can push everything else to the side in favor of that. So to make sure I can still focus on my studying, I have to go up by myself."
She looks at me, a little disappointed but then says, half-jokingly: "We don't have to go up, there's a backseat right there!" We laugh and I give her a kiss and wish her a good night. I managed to stay strong and go back to my condo. Damn it, why did I have to stay strong!!!
My exam was at the beginning of november. During the month of october, we texted a bunch of times and talked on the phone. We went for coffee a couple of times and dinner once. She respected my boundaries and never pushed for more, which I appreciated but also hated at the same time, if that makes sense. The exam came and it was a monster of a Friday. I slept for basically 18 hours after the exam as the adrenalin dropped and my system crashed.
I texted her when I woke up at around 1PM. She was working at the clothing store Stephanie owned. She said "I'm off at 5PM, wanna meet me." I said: "Duh! Why do you think I'm texting? ;)" So I met her at the store downtown. I asked if she wanted to grab a drink, go for dinner, or what. She proposed going to her place and getting some take out. Stephanie who was closing the store at that moment, came up to us and said: "Hey, so what are we doing?" I said: "WE, that is Maryse and I, are going to her place and getting some takeout. Bye!" I'm sure you'll understand when I tell you that no food was ever ordered that night!
Thus followed a whirlwind month of November where any free time we had was spent together, and I wasn't going to complain!
The troubles
By the start of december, things were still going great with us. One saturday night, we were having dinner at a restaurant and I mention that this coming Friday is my office Christmas party, that it's employees only, so we wouln't see each other that night. She tells me: "Oh sure, that's fine! It'll give me a chance to go see some girlfriends I've been neglecting lately." I said "Great! BTW I also got us a reservation at [this great restaurant she had mentioned a few times] for next Saturday, so we could go there and I'll tell you all about my party and you can tell me all about her night with the girls!"
That was settled, I thought. I was wrong. On Thursday, we had spent the evening together at her place and I was about to leave to go back to my place. She tells me: "So are you coming to meet me at the store tomorrow or do I go to your place?" I reminded her: "Neither, tomorrow is my office Christmas party and we won't see each other tomorrow." She said: "Oh right, I forgot." I asked her if she had made plans with her friends like she had mentioned last saturday. She said that they were all busy tomorrow and weren't available.
She suggested "If your party is boring, maybe you could come meet me." I retorted that it wasn't going to be, knowing who was going to be there.
"Yeah but what if?"
"But it won't"
"But what IFFFFFF?" she kept insisting and I kept saying no. After what felt like 30 minutes of that (probably only 2-3 minutes in reality), I had enough and just said to end the argument: "Okay, if it's boring, I'll come. but it won't be." She said: "Cool" with a big smile on her face. I came to learn that that smile meant "Challenge accepted".
The following night, my colleague and I were pregaming in a conference room before leaving for the party proper and my phone buzzes. Maryse was wishing me a good party. I replied. She texted me again. I replied. She texted again, but I was in a conversation with a colleague so I didn't reply or even look at the phone. My phone buzzes again. Still talking, and didn't want to be rude to my colleague. Another buzz. I just kept talking. Phone buzzes differently, she was now calling because I hadn't answered her texts.
"Why aren't you replying to my texts?"
"Hey, sorry, was talking to my colleague Patrick."
"What? you don't want to talk to me?"
"I am talking to you now."
"Why didn't you reply to my texts?"
"Because it would have been rude to my colleague to pull my phone out while talking to him."
"But you're talking to me now."
"Because I thought something was wrong, maybe it was an emergency."
"I wanted to talk to you, that's all."
"Well, gotta go back to the party. Talk to you later."
She kept texting and if I didn't reply right away, she would call after two or three missed texts. After about 2 hours of this, I stopped answering the texts. When she called back, I asked her: "Aren't you supposed to be working?" which started another round of guilt-tripping of "why are you asking me this? you don't want to talk to me?" At that point I had had enough and wanted to enjoy my party. I remembered that the Blackberry (no shaming old tech!) I had had an annoying feature, but I was hoping to put it to good use at that moment.
Whenever the battery would get really low, like less than 1%, it would let out an ear-piercing BEEP for about 3 seconds, reminiding you to charge it and giving you a heart attack all at the same time. It would do that even when you were in silent mode. It had happened a few days earlier when I was with Maryse. I figured, if I press a button on the Blackberry, it would make a beep too that could be heard through the phone. So while I was talking to Maryse, I pressed my thumb on the space bar for a good 3 seconds and sputtered; "what... the .... what?" trying to put on a somewhat believable performance.
She asked what that noise was and I tell her that it was my blackberry letting me know I was low battery and it might shut off any second. I told her "Listen I'm gonna wish you a good night, I'm having a good time at my party so I'll see you tomorrow at 5PM to go spend our evening together. I hope you have a good....." and hung up mid-sentence. I promptly shut my phone off and went back to the party. I concede that I may be a bit of an AH for that move.
The party was great, I got drunk much quicker than I expected owing to the fact that I hadn't had a drink in over two months because Maryse didn't drink so I didn't either when we were together, and we were always together. At 1AM, I went home and passed out on my bed.
This is another place where I may have been an AH. I didn't turn my cell phone back on and I unplugged my home line too, because I wanted to sleep the deep sleep of the drunkard. I woke up at around 1:30 PM, not knowing it was already too late. In my mind, I was meeting Maryse at 5PM to go out on the town that night. Maryse had other ideas as you'll see.
So like I said, I woke up at 1:30PM and was sticky with alcohol sweat, so I went straight for the shower to get clean again. While in the shower, my stomach grumbled with hunger and I started daydreaming of bacon and eggs. That pushed me out of the shower right quick. I dried myself off quickly, tied the towel around my waist and went to the fridge. No bacon.... booo. Looked at the egg compartment... no eggs... booo again. Okay then, how about a cream cheese bagel. No cream cheese, damn it. Look in the pantry, no bagels.... god. I was starting to get angry. Okay, cereals then. I pick up the cereal box, that mofo was empty and I get mad: "who's the idiot who puts the empty box back in the pantry?" I remembered I live alone.
I close the fridge dejected and see the grocery list stuck on the fridge, taunting me with everything I wanted to eat for breakfast written on it. But I felt like if I went to the grocery store hungry as I Was, I'm just gonna pay 600$ and not get one single healthy thing to eat. I then remembered there's a restaurant next to the grocery store that serves breakfast until 3PM. I get excited! I get dressed quickly, grab my wallet and keys, put my boots on, my coat on, wrap my scarf, my tuque and my gloves and go to the restaurant. If you notice, I didn't mention my phone in there.
I get to the restaurant and confirm that they still have breakfast and get even more excited when she confirms it. I order the "heart attack", at least that's how I nicknamed it: 3 eggs, 3 servings of bacon, 2 sausages, and, I guess to give one peace of mind, fruit (or to be precise, one single solitary slice of orange). Now that the food is ordered and coming I figured I would check if I have any messages. I pat the pocket where my phone always is. No phone. uh-oh. I start clutching evert pocket, no luck.
I wonder if I should go back home after the meal before going to the grocery store and decide against it, it would be too long a detour. So I scarf my breakfast down, rush through the grocery store. I get home and set my bags down in front of the fridge. I go pick up my blackberry. I turn it back on. The little tape icon tells me there are messages on my voicemail, at that time there were no red dots with a number in it to tell you how many.
I connect to the voicemail while starting to put the groceries away. The little automated voice tells me "You have 25 new messages." I pull the phone away from my ear, look at it in disbelief as if saying: "are you f'ing kidding me?" So I press 1 to start playing the messages.
Remember: Maryse knew I was at a party with a dead phone, no chargers and I probably wouldn't get home until 1AM. From 6:30PM, when my phone died, to 11:34 PM, when she went to sleep she left me 9 messages. BTW I know she went to sleep at 11:34PM because she left me a message saying "it's 11:34PM and I'm going to bed. Thinking of you." The 9 messages were in the same vein. These are the salient details, but the messages were all much longer.
She woke up at 7:15 the following day, I'll let you guess how I know that tidbit of information! She left me 5 more messages like those from the day before: 7:15 woke up. 7:35 going to take a shower. 7:55 out of the shower. 8:25 getting ready to leave for work 8:50 walking out of the subway to go to the store.
She leaves me another message at 9 that was different. She sounded very excited as if she had had the best idea in the world: "Hey it's 9AM, I'm about to start my shift. I know we're only supposed to meet after my shift, but what if you came and met me for lunch so you could tell me all about your party." I just did my best Scooby-Doo "Ruh-Roh" and chuckled that I blew that, not thinking the calamity that was awaiting me.
Another couple of messages to talk logistics: "I could take my lunch at 12 or 12:30, let me know which you prefer." "I'm taking my lunch at 12:30"
A slightly worried message: "It's 11:15 and you stil have not said if you were coming or not, are you okay?"
The first bomb goes off and I knew I was in trouble then: "Where are you? We're supposed to meet for lunch and you still haven't given me any sign of life, you're not answering your home phone either, what happened?" Reminder: we were not supposed to meet for lunch, she suggested doing so a couple of hours earlier and I never agreed to anything. I guess she told her colleagues I would meet her for lunch and it was now fact and could perhaps make her look bad in front of her colleagues.
The second bomb drops: "It's almost noon now, WHERE ARE YOU? Stephanie says you're probably sleeping off your drunk, but I don't believe her. I'm sure you got yourself a slut and cheated on me. Didn't you? didn't you, you asshole." Stephanie knows me very well, but that wasn't enough for Maryse it seems.
Ensued four more messages from 12:30 to 1:15, where she starts sounding more and more drunk and accusatory, spewing more attacks like in the message above. At that point I already knew it was over, there was no coming back from that. I can understand having trust issues, but that was nuclear. I don't tolerate jealousy because of horrible experiences with a couple of jealous toxic exes.
A final message comes in, and it's a different voice, that of my best friend being more than a little angry: "Hey Guy, listen, Maryse tells me you had a Christmas party yesterday, so I'm guessing you're sleeping off your drunk, still. But call me when you get this. I put Maryse, who's f'ing drunk, in the backstore so she can dry off and "do inventory". She can't be on the sales floor obviously and I just don't feel safe sending her home in the state she's in. Call me to tell me how you want to handle this."
At that point I had finished putting away my groceries and had put my boots and my coat on and was making my way to the subway to go to the store. I call Stephanie and tell her I got the messages and I was coming. She was right, I was sleeping off my drunk and had just woke up (didn't feel the need to mention the breakfast and grocery store). I ask her if she knows what I'm gonna do when I get there. She says that she knows and understands. She knows my bad history.
When I get out of the subway, I call her again before getting to the store. I ask her how she wants me to do this. It's her store and I don't want to create drama in front of her customers. Does she want me to wait outside and she tells Maryse to meet me in the street or do I go in the store and she takes me to the backstore and I do it there? She says to come to the store.
I walk in the store and every saleswomen on the floor looks at me and gives me the biggest case of the stink-eye. They only have Maryse's side of the story, so they think I did all these horrible things. I see Stephanie in the middle of the store and I walk towards her. She shakes her head and points me towards the cash register. I look over there and see Julia, a salesperson that I've known for a couple of years and really like, who also happens to be the biggest gossip in the store. I understand what Stephanie is trying to do. She's gonna make me tell her my story in front of Julia so Julia can spread the "good news" to the other employees and rehabilitate my name possibly.
So I get to the register and say Hi to Julia. She barely acknoledges me. Steph joins me. She asks me:
"How are you?"
"I was better an hour ago, before I listened to those voicemails. I had gone to our office party last night, had a great night, got drunk off my ass, got home at around 2 and woke up around 2."
Julia asks "Maryse told us you were supposed to meet her for lunch."
"No we weren't. I have a reservation for tonight at XYZ restaurant. I was supposed to take the day to do errands, stuff around the condo and meet her here at closing time. She suggested that it could be fun if I came at lunchtime to meet her, but that was never the plan."
Julia asks again "But why didn't you answer your phone?"
"It ran out of battery last night during the party and when I got home, I was so drunk that I forgot to plug it back in. I only plugged it when I woke up at 2. That's when the messages came in."
Julia asks "She says she tried calling your home line and you didn't answer and your machine didn't kick in."
"Yeah, that one's my fault, I knew I wanted to sleep and telemarketers have a habit of calling me early saturday mornings so I didn't want to be awoken by a call for a rug cleaning service, so I unplugged it yesterday morning, knowing I would be drunk when I got home and forget and be angry if I was awakened by a telemarketer."
Julia gave me a hint of a smile, showing me she was starting to believe me. She asked me a few more questions and then she asked what I was gonna do. I told her that whatever I'll do, I would tell Maryse first.
I looked at Stephanie and said: "Can you open the back store so I can go see her?" So we went to the backstore. As we reached the door, it swung opened and out popped Maryse, looking absolutely terrifying, I actually jumped back when I saw her. Her usual perfect makeup was completely smeared, her mascara streaking down her cheeks from the crying. Her hair was disheveled. She was a mess. Apparently, she had had enough of waiting back there and was planning on leaving the store to go home and had put her coat and boots on.
When she saw me, she went into an unhinged rant about me being an asshole for cheating on her, me not being great in bed, me not treating her right, etc. I let her vent everything she had to say, I looked at Stephanie and apologized for creating such a scene in her store. I tell Maryse we should go outside and talk in private. She keeps on yelling, but when I grab her hand to lead her outside, she follows.
When we get outside, her anger had started to wane a little, or maybe just her energy. I was able to talk to her to explain everything, how I had gotten drunk, had overslept (alone) and woke up at 2PM. I reminded her that we were only supposed to meet at 5PM not for lunch. The anger was leaving her and a smile almost appeared on her face. Through all of this I was being very calm and patient with her, which she interpreted as me not being mad at her. I then said in a firmer tone: "However..." and let it hang for a second.
The beginning smile vanished. I continued: "When you accused me of cheating on you, that broke me. That triggered memories of toxic exes who would always accuse me of cheating, not trusting me when I would tell them where I was, snooping on me, stalking me. Because of those experiences, I have a zero tolerance policy for jealousy. I told her that if she was behaving like after only two months of dating, it didn't bode well for the future and I have to protect myself."
At that, the tears started again and she just turned and ran/waddled away. I told her to wait, but she didn't hear me. I turned towards the entrance of the store to see basically all the employees and customers milling around the door trying to catch the drama. I went back inside to talk to my best friend. The mood had definitely changed and no one was giving me the stink eye anymore, but I didn't really care. I was just sad that it had ended, but proud of myself for having stood up for myself.
So AITA for getting drunk and keeping my phone turned off?
There is a lot more to this story and if you want to learn what happened afterwards, then read on.
The immediate aftermath
So I went back inside the store and talked to Stephanie. I told her that I had a reserrvation for XX restaurant and if she wanted to go with Stephen, she could take it, I wasn't in the mood for a dinner. She said "I already have plans for tonight, but thanks for offering." Julia said she would go with me if I wanted, but I just said that I wasn't in the mood to go out. I just wanted to crash and eat a pizza and get into a food coma.
Stephanie said she didn't feel comfortable leaving me by myself and I should join them at her house. They were having friends over to play board games and it could at least distract me a little. I said why not. So brimming with enthusiasm, I went to play bored games. I left early as I wasn't in the mood. I was feeling a little better, but still a bit down. I thanked Stephanie for the invite and left. I got home and just passed out on the bed.
I woke up at around 7AM the next morning and I saw along the corners of the window the tell-tale signs of a snow-drift and got excited as it was the first snow of the season. I pushed the curtains aside and looked on to see a beautiful white carpet outside. It was early enough that very few cars had marred the whiteness. I was admiring it when I noticed that, against the red bricks of the building across the street, there was a pink blotch. As I focused, the blotch became human shaped and I cleared my eyes enough to realize that it was Maryse and she was raising her cell phone to her ear.
On cue, my phone rings. I pick it up. Still sounding drunk, she asks me if we can speak. I ask her to give me five minutes to get dressed and I'll meet her down there. She asks why she can't come up. I say that I'm not sure I want her in my apartment. She says that it's cold out. I say: "Good, then this will be quick."
I get dressed and meet her outside. I'm still bleary-eyed from having woken up 5 minutes ago, but I try to get my wits together. I tell her that we're going to walk to the subway. It 's a 10-minute walk normally, but with her drunkenness, it might take 15-20 minutes. That's how long she has to tell me what she wants to tell me.
She wants to apologize for accusing me of cheating on her. She says she knows I'm a great guy and... I may be the A-hole at this point too, but I start to drift off in my little bubble and start daydreaming about, if I go back to bed, would there still be some residual heat or would it be cold? I could take a hot shower and warm the bed that way. I could still hear her in the background making excuses, saying how she had been cheated on, but I wasn't really listening.
During the daydreaming I notice it got quite quiet. I look on my left and she's not there, I turn around she's a good 5-6 steps behind me looking angry and she says: "you're not listening" I just say: "when you're right, you're right." I tell her that I understand she's been hurt too in the past, and I hope she can work to resolve her issues, but I was done and I'm going back to bed. I was a bit harsh there, but I was tired and still down.
I walk past her and get maybe 10 paces past her when I hear a scream coming from her. I turn around and I see her messing with something inside her coat. She pulls out a chef's knife with like an 8-inch blade. That wakes me the fuck up. Byebye bleary eyes, hello wakefulness. better than a cup of coffee or a red bull I tell you!
So she's got the knife, she's screaming something that I can't quite understand. She gets quiet and then she charges at me with the knife. If I'm being honest I could have stayed where I was and she probably would have missed me anyways, but someone charges at me with a knife, I'm gonna nope out of there. I take a massive side step and once she gets to where I was and realizes that I'm no longer there, she turns her head towards me and says heyyyyy.
At that point, I have a moment of clarity and see what's gonna happen. She's drunk running one way and looking another, I know she's gonna trip. As I predicted, she stumbled over her feet and starts falling to the ground. I start praying to god and anybody who would listen: "Please don't let her cut herself. I don't want to have to explain this to the doctors, EMTs and nurses. I don't want her drunk ass deciding to take revenge on me by saying I did it."
Thankfully, she winds up in a sitting position on the sidewalk holding the knife up and it was clean. Thank god for small miracles. She starts crying and, other moment of clarity, I know she's gonna turn the knife on herself now. I jump towards her and I realize I was right, the knife starts moving towards her left wrist. I tackle her, grab her right wrist and twist it so she drops the knife. I pick the knife back up and put it in my pocket. She looks at me crying and says: "Why did you stop me?"
I pick her up and take her back to my building. In my building there was a couch in the lobby, so I take her there and I sit her down and plop myself next to her. I look at her and wonder out loud: "What am I gonna do with you? What can I do?"
She goes: "Just let me go, I'll be good." I tell her that's not going to happen. I realize I have three options and I give her the three options.
"So here's the choice I give you.
1- I pull out my phone, call 911 and tell them about the attempted murder back there and they send the police to arrest you. I don't want to do that because that could derail your life and not get you the help you need. Besides, they might not do anything anyway as it's your word against mine.
2= I pull out my phone, call 911 and tell them about the attempted suicide back there and that you need to be placed on a 72 hour hold. I could do that, but at the same time, again it's my word against yours, so maybe they don't believe me.
3- I'm gonna hazard a guess here. From what I've seen, you have alcohol problems. So I'm gonna guess you were in AA, had been sober for a while, I want to say 6 months, maybe less, when we met."
She confirms my guess.
"alright so option 3, I'm guessing you had a sponsor in AA." she nods "we call them up and tell them about your relapse and what happened this morning. Can they come get you and take care of you?"
She takes her phone out and picks a contact and calls. She hands me the phone. Someone answers and I explain the situation. They said they were coming right away. I give them my address, they get here 15 minutes later. Maryse had fallen asleep in the meantime, so I wake her up gently and help her to the car. Off she went.
I went back to my apartment and just crashed back to sleep.
A month later
Mid-january, my phone rings and I see Maryse's number on there. I send her to voice mail. Another call. Voicemail again. 5 minutes later, Private number calling. "Gee I wonder who that could be." Voicemail once more.
Afterwards, I didn't get any unidentified callers for a little over a week. One afternoon, I was at work and my phone rings and it's a number I do not recognize. I pick up.
"Hello."
"Hi, is this Guy?"
"Yes, to whom am I speaking?"
"This is Hannah, Maryse's sponsor. we spoke last month." I started fearing the worst.
"Yes, I remember. How can I help you?"
"Maryse tried to reach you last week and you rejected the calls. I think it could help Maryse if you listened to what she had to say. You're obviously not obligated to entertain her, but I think despite everything that happened, you still care about her or you would not have called me that morning."
"You are right, I do still care about Maryse. I'm just not sure how good it would be for her to meet me this soon after everything that happened. I understand wanting to work through the 9th step and making amends, but..." She interrupts me.
"So you know about the steps."
"Yes I have friends in the program. which is how I could guess that she was in the program too that morning."
"You know it's important."
"I know. I know. How about this: we meet in public at a cafe, you would have to be there. Not necessarily at the table with us, but nearby in case she needs help, in case meeting me causes her pain. Tell her I promise to be in a more receptive mood than I was that morning."
So we make an appointment for that saturday afternoon.
I get to the coffee shop. She's already there, and so is her sponsor. I realize happily that she's not wearing makeup. I say happily because that means she understands that this is not a date, but something serious. She's still stunningly beautiful, and I feel sad almost right away.
I grab a coffee and go join her at the table.
"Hey" I say,
"Hey. So this is gonna be uncomfortable, but thank you for agreeing to meet me and for coming, I appreciate it more than you know. I'm sure you heard I quit the store."
"I have, I'm sorry about that, I hope you didn't do it just because of me."
"No, I needed time to focus on myself for now."
She proceeds to tell me about how I wasn't far off with my guess. She had been sober 4 months when we met. Now she had 39 days. She tells me that in AA, if you are single, they recommend not dating anyone new for at least the first year of your sobriety as it can cause issues, similar to what happened with us. I was like her "drug" and as long as I was available, she could get her fix. But the moment I wasn't available all hell broke loose, and that is what led her back to drinking that day.
I told her I'm glad to see her back sober again this quickly and I hope she can get all the help she needs from it. I ask her if she wants to talk to me about her drinking.
She starts to share a story about how she started drinking at around 11 years old. When puberty hit her, she got into a deep depression because the sexual feelings she was starting to feel were triggering responses. As a child she had been abused by two of her uncles repeatedly and her parents never believed her. They accused her of trying to make herself interesting. That was until they caught one of those uncles red-handed.
They finally believed and took the necessary steps to protect their daughter. But they were poor and they couldn't afford therapy. So she never really got help for it. At 11, she started self medicating the depression with alcohol. When alcohol wasn't enough, she added drugs.
At that point, I was full on crying. She asked me if I wanted her to stop. I told her that she doesn't have to stop. That the tears are there because that was one more thing we had in common. I was also a survivor of sexual assault as a child. In my case, it wasn't a family member, it was only a stranger, so it only happened once. But I also self-medicated with alcohol at the onset of puberty, switching to drugs later on too. I was lucky to avoid the pitfalls of addiction, but I was still dealing with my demons, slowly making peace with them.
So there we were, sitting at a coffee shop, both crying and holding each other. I tell her that I think it's great she's getting help for her alcoholism and addicion, but was she doing anything to help with the underlying issue, the original trauma? She said no, she couldn't afford therapy. I tell her that I am a member of a survivors group and if she is interested, I could get her into a meeting and perhaps learn to heal that part of herself too.
She said that she could give it a try. I tell her I have to talk to the other members to know if I can bring someone new and I would let her know. If they said yes, we would go to her first meeting together, I would introduce her and then we would coordinate so that I never went to meetings where she was. I wanted to do that because I wanted her first few meetings to be about healing and I didn't want our own history to be intertwined or mixed in with that.
After that, we left both feeling content and, while not necesarily happy, at peace if you will. Later on, I contacted Stephanie who was one of the "pillars" of the support group (that's how we met) to ask her if it was okay for me to bring in a new member to the group. She said sure. She asked if it was anyone she knew. I told her she would have to meet her at the meeting if she decides to come.
We were having a meeting the following day. I called Maryse, told her the time and place, and she said she would be there. She came to the group meeting and was shocked to see Stephanie there but Stephanie kinda guessed that it was Maryse I was referring to.
I introduce her, we start sharing stories, talking about how we're feeling, etc. The meeting was good and Maryse liked the vibe. So for the first six months after that, I never saw Maryse and we planned which meeting we would be attending to ensure we didn't cross paths. She started feeling much better.
After maybe 2 and a half years, she finally felt ready and she started dating again. She met someone and she fell for him. They were together for about six months, she looked happy. Unfortunately after about six months, she caught him cheating on her. We tried supporting her, being good friends, cursing his name, doing all the things we could to make sure she didn't relapse. But on April 5th 2014, she ODed on heroin. She was hospitalized for 2 weeks after that.
Hannah took her in and she set up a room for Maryse. She was still in a fragile state, so a group of her friends and I started taking turns watching over Maryse, making sure there was always at least one person there with her to keep her company.
Despite our vigilance, on May 14th 2014, when Hannah was out running a quick errand, she was gone maybe 15 minutes tops, Maryse found a way to cut her wrists and she died. We found a note saying that "the OD was not an accident, and neither was that. Thanks for everything you did for me. I love you all, but I can't do this anymore."
It feels good to write that story (I'll just ignore the fat tears rolling down my face!). Thanks for reading this far and sorry for the long story, I just started writing and couldn't stop. I apologize if it was a bit of a bummer.
submitted by Prize-Dinner-7418 to CharlotteDobreYouTube [link] [comments]
This is going to be a LLLLLOOONNNNGGGGG one. This story goes back quite a way, but yesterday was the tenth anniversary of the ending to this story and I'm feeling it, still got some guilt about everything that happened, wondering what I could have done differently and I just want to vent it out and hope to get some closure from it.
This story started in 2010.
Characters in this story (names are fake, duh!):
- Me, Guy, 32M at the time, 45 now.
- My BFF Stephanie, 33F at the time.
- Stephen, 40M at the time, Stephanie's boyfriend.
- Maryse, 27F at the time.
I had known Stephanie for many years and we had the kind of friendship that made her BFs and my GFs uncomfortable to put it lightly. We had never crossed that boundary and I wouldn't consider us in the friendzone, we were just friend, but the kind of friend where she would sit on my lap with her arms around my neck or her head on my shoulder.
At the start of 2010, Stephanie met her then boyfriend, Stephen. He tolerated me and my friendship with Stephanie because I also had a gf back then. She liked Stephanie, wasn't at all jealous of my friendship with her, so he didn't deem me too suspicious. Then my gf and I broke up for reasons unimportant and all hell broke loose for Stephen. He became convinced that I would try and steal Stephanie from him. He insisted that Stephanie introduce me to her female friends or female friends of his. Thus began what I called the year of the 50 blind dates. It was probably closer to 20, but still I like saying the year of 50 blind dates. Most of them were unremarkable and never went beyond the first date. There are some fun stories in there if anyone wants to hear them eventually!
In July of that year, I had to switch gears because I had to focus up and study for a professional exam for a certification important to my career. This exam required close to 600-800 hours of study over a 3-4 month period. So I hunkered down, told Stephanie to stop the blind dates for now because I had to focus on that. She respected my wishes and, other a text here or there, we went low contact for the last two months before the exam.
Except for one fateful night in September. Her birthday was in September and she always threw these big bashes at her house. She would throw a big pool party that started around noon and would go on to the wee hours of the morning. I knew she would harass me to go to her party, so I made some quick math and figured I would lose more energy and time trying to dodge her calls, texts and most likely visits at my place than by just going to the party itself. So when she called me to ask, I just said: "Okay I'll go to your damn party, now git." I texted her I would get there in the evening probably around 8. She texted back "Great, can't wait. Now study, bitch!"
So I ultimately get there around 8PM. Basically everybody is already drunk off their gourd. Stephanie sees me, squeals in excitement and runs to me in her bikini and just jumps in the air and slams into me, wraps her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist and gives me a big hug. I hug her back and just keep walking back to the pool where she had started, carrying her with me. I just duck my head around hers and say hi to Stephen, who just glares at me.
She drops back down and I give her her gift. We chat for a few seconds and says "There's beer in the fridge and food in the dining room." I told her I'd be right back.
I go inside and grab a beer from the fridge. I head to the dining room and the table is against the wall with a buffet of sandwiches, tomato pizza, salads, etc. I grab a plate and start putting food on it. I was focused on the task because I was starving. I barely noticed, sitting at the end of the table one of the most stunning woman I have ever seen. I just see her in my peripheral vision and I do a quick double take, quick glance at her and back to the food. I do that a second time. And finally a third time. At that point she is just straight up staring at me and I can't help but chuckle and whisper under my breath "Subtle Guy, sub-tle".
Thankfully she starts laughing too, saving me some embarassment. I look at her and greet her. She says "Hi, I'm Maryse and I'm guessing you're Guy?" I just nod and we start talking. At that point, I just thought I have no shot with her, she's so far out of my league that I'm just gonna talk to her until she sees one of the "models" hanging out by the pool and ditches me for him.
So I'm not feeling like I'm playing for anything, so I'm just myself and not nervous, just talking to her as I would any friend. We chat and she laughs at all my jokes, she gets all my cultural references. She never gets up or ditches me. The plate of food I had made and the beer I had gotten are sitting on the table next to me untouched, I was too busy with the convo to think about food or beer anymore.
After what felt like only 20-30 minutes, Stephanie comes in and tells me, fake grumpy: "So that's where you disappeared to. I invite my best friend to a party and he spends the whole night talking to someone else." I laugh and go: "What do you mean the whole night? I haven't been here that long." She says "Dude, it's 2AM. You've been here for 6 hours..." My jaw dropped and I just said: "Wow, time flies when you're having fun." Maryse chimes in, with a big smile: "It sure does!" That made me happy as you can imagine.
Now I was a little stuck because where Stephanie lived, there's no night service for the bus and the subway had been closed for an hour or so. I figured I would cab it. So I turn to Maryse and tell her: "It was absolutely lovely to meet you and I enjoyed our conversation very much." She says that she did too. I continued with "At the moment, my schedule is incredibly hectic. I'm basically working full-time, studying full-time and sleeping part-time. So I don't have a lot of free time, but if she was interested, whatever little free time I had, I would love to call her or text her to keep on getting to know her."
I see Stephanie in the backgroudnd, looking like a proud mama at how smooth that came out, knowing I was always anything but smooth with women, as proven by the string of blind dates! Maryse has a big smile and we exchange numbers. I go to Stephanie to wish her a happy birthday again. While I'm talking to her, my phone buzzes with a text from Maryse: "Just checking!"
I asked Stephanie "What's the best cab company to call in this area?" Maryse chimes in: "Where do you live?" I tell her where I lived and she goes "It's on the way to where I live, I can give you a ride if you want." Stephanie raised an eyebrow in surprise. I learned later, she did it because it absolutely was not on the way to her place, like, at all. I say that I would love that as it would give us a chance to keep talking.
We get in her car, driving to my place. We talk, she asks me what I'm studying as I hadn't mentioned it earlier. I tell her all about the boring maths I had to study. Much too quickly, we get to my place. She parks in front of my building and we keep talking. At some point, I tell her: "Normally, this is where I would try to "trick" you into coming up to my place..." She interrupts me: "You wouldn't need to trick me. I'm willing and able!"
I tell her that "As tempting as that sounds, I know who I am and I know that if you come up and things proceed to where they're going, I'm not going to be able to study for the rest of the month. I have a kind of obsessive mind and when I find someone or something I like, I can push everything else to the side in favor of that. So to make sure I can still focus on my studying, I have to go up by myself."
She looks at me, a little disappointed but then says, half-jokingly: "We don't have to go up, there's a backseat right there!" We laugh and I give her a kiss and wish her a good night. I managed to stay strong and go back to my condo. Damn it, why did I have to stay strong!!!
My exam was at the beginning of november. During the month of october, we texted a bunch of times and talked on the phone. We went for coffee a couple of times and dinner once. She respected my boundaries and never pushed for more, which I appreciated but also hated at the same time, if that makes sense. The exam came and it was a monster of a Friday. I slept for basically 18 hours after the exam as the adrenalin dropped and my system crashed.
I texted her when I woke up at around 1PM. She was working at the clothing store Stephanie owned. She said "I'm off at 5PM, wanna meet me." I said: "Duh! Why do you think I'm texting? ;)" So I met her at the store downtown. I asked if she wanted to grab a drink, go for dinner, or what. She proposed going to her place and getting some take out. Stephanie who was closing the store at that moment, came up to us and said: "Hey, so what are we doing?" I said: "WE, that is Maryse and I, are going to her place and getting some takeout. Bye!" I'm sure you'll understand when I tell you that no food was ever ordered that night!
Thus followed a whirlwind month of November where any free time we had was spent together, and I wasn't going to complain!
The troubles
By the start of december, things were still going great with us. One saturday night, we were having dinner at a restaurant and I mention that this coming Friday is my office Christmas party, that it's employees only, so we wouln't see each other that night. She tells me: "Oh sure, that's fine! It'll give me a chance to go see some girlfriends I've been neglecting lately." I said "Great! BTW I also got us a reservation at [this great restaurant she had mentioned a few times] for next Saturday, so we could go there and I'll tell you all about my party and you can tell me all about her night with the girls!"
That was settled, I thought. I was wrong. On Thursday, we had spent the evening together at her place and I was about to leave to go back to my place. She tells me: "So are you coming to meet me at the store tomorrow or do I go to your place?" I reminded her: "Neither, tomorrow is my office Christmas party and we won't see each other tomorrow." She said: "Oh right, I forgot." I asked her if she had made plans with her friends like she had mentioned last saturday. She said that they were all busy tomorrow and weren't available.
She suggested "If your party is boring, maybe you could come meet me." I retorted that it wasn't going to be, knowing who was going to be there.
"Yeah but what if?"
"But it won't"
"But what IFFFFFF?" she kept insisting and I kept saying no. After what felt like 30 minutes of that (probably only 2-3 minutes in reality), I had enough and just said to end the argument: "Okay, if it's boring, I'll come. but it won't be." She said: "Cool" with a big smile on her face. I came to learn that that smile meant "Challenge accepted".
The following night, my colleague and I were pregaming in a conference room before leaving for the party proper and my phone buzzes. Maryse was wishing me a good party. I replied. She texted me again. I replied. She texted again, but I was in a conversation with a colleague so I didn't reply or even look at the phone. My phone buzzes again. Still talking, and didn't want to be rude to my colleague. Another buzz. I just kept talking. Phone buzzes differently, she was now calling because I hadn't answered her texts.
"Why aren't you replying to my texts?"
"Hey, sorry, was talking to my colleague Patrick."
"What? you don't want to talk to me?"
"I am talking to you now."
"Why didn't you reply to my texts?"
"Because it would have been rude to my colleague to pull my phone out while talking to him."
"But you're talking to me now."
"Because I thought something was wrong, maybe it was an emergency."
"I wanted to talk to you, that's all."
"Well, gotta go back to the party. Talk to you later."
She kept texting and if I didn't reply right away, she would call after two or three missed texts. After about 2 hours of this, I stopped answering the texts. When she called back, I asked her: "Aren't you supposed to be working?" which started another round of guilt-tripping of "why are you asking me this? you don't want to talk to me?" At that point I had had enough and wanted to enjoy my party. I remembered that the Blackberry (no shaming old tech!) I had had an annoying feature, but I was hoping to put it to good use at that moment.
Whenever the battery would get really low, like less than 1%, it would let out an ear-piercing BEEP for about 3 seconds, reminiding you to charge it and giving you a heart attack all at the same time. It would do that even when you were in silent mode. It had happened a few days earlier when I was with Maryse. I figured, if I press a button on the Blackberry, it would make a beep too that could be heard through the phone. So while I was talking to Maryse, I pressed my thumb on the space bar for a good 3 seconds and sputtered; "what... the .... what?" trying to put on a somewhat believable performance.
She asked what that noise was and I tell her that it was my blackberry letting me know I was low battery and it might shut off any second. I told her "Listen I'm gonna wish you a good night, I'm having a good time at my party so I'll see you tomorrow at 5PM to go spend our evening together. I hope you have a good....." and hung up mid-sentence. I promptly shut my phone off and went back to the party. I concede that I may be a bit of an AH for that move.
The party was great, I got drunk much quicker than I expected owing to the fact that I hadn't had a drink in over two months because Maryse didn't drink so I didn't either when we were together, and we were always together. At 1AM, I went home and passed out on my bed.
This is another place where I may have been an AH. I didn't turn my cell phone back on and I unplugged my home line too, because I wanted to sleep the deep sleep of the drunkard. I woke up at around 1:30 PM, not knowing it was already too late. In my mind, I was meeting Maryse at 5PM to go out on the town that night. Maryse had other ideas as you'll see.
So like I said, I woke up at 1:30PM and was sticky with alcohol sweat, so I went straight for the shower to get clean again. While in the shower, my stomach grumbled with hunger and I started daydreaming of bacon and eggs. That pushed me out of the shower right quick. I dried myself off quickly, tied the towel around my waist and went to the fridge. No bacon.... booo. Looked at the egg compartment... no eggs... booo again. Okay then, how about a cream cheese bagel. No cream cheese, damn it. Look in the pantry, no bagels.... god. I was starting to get angry. Okay, cereals then. I pick up the cereal box, that mofo was empty and I get mad: "who's the idiot who puts the empty box back in the pantry?" I remembered I live alone.
I close the fridge dejected and see the grocery list stuck on the fridge, taunting me with everything I wanted to eat for breakfast written on it. But I felt like if I went to the grocery store hungry as I Was, I'm just gonna pay 600$ and not get one single healthy thing to eat. I then remembered there's a restaurant next to the grocery store that serves breakfast until 3PM. I get excited! I get dressed quickly, grab my wallet and keys, put my boots on, my coat on, wrap my scarf, my tuque and my gloves and go to the restaurant. If you notice, I didn't mention my phone in there.
I get to the restaurant and confirm that they still have breakfast and get even more excited when she confirms it. I order the "heart attack", at least that's how I nicknamed it: 3 eggs, 3 servings of bacon, 2 sausages, and, I guess to give one peace of mind, fruit (or to be precise, one single solitary slice of orange). Now that the food is ordered and coming I figured I would check if I have any messages. I pat the pocket where my phone always is. No phone. uh-oh. I start clutching evert pocket, no luck.
I wonder if I should go back home after the meal before going to the grocery store and decide against it, it would be too long a detour. So I scarf my breakfast down, rush through the grocery store. I get home and set my bags down in front of the fridge. I go pick up my blackberry. I turn it back on. The little tape icon tells me there are messages on my voicemail, at that time there were no red dots with a number in it to tell you how many.
I connect to the voicemail while starting to put the groceries away. The little automated voice tells me "You have 25 new messages." I pull the phone away from my ear, look at it in disbelief as if saying: "are you f'ing kidding me?" So I press 1 to start playing the messages.
Remember: Maryse knew I was at a party with a dead phone, no chargers and I probably wouldn't get home until 1AM. From 6:30PM, when my phone died, to 11:34 PM, when she went to sleep she left me 9 messages. BTW I know she went to sleep at 11:34PM because she left me a message saying "it's 11:34PM and I'm going to bed. Thinking of you." The 9 messages were in the same vein. These are the salient details, but the messages were all much longer.
She woke up at 7:15 the following day, I'll let you guess how I know that tidbit of information! She left me 5 more messages like those from the day before: 7:15 woke up. 7:35 going to take a shower. 7:55 out of the shower. 8:25 getting ready to leave for work 8:50 walking out of the subway to go to the store.
She leaves me another message at 9 that was different. She sounded very excited as if she had had the best idea in the world: "Hey it's 9AM, I'm about to start my shift. I know we're only supposed to meet after my shift, but what if you came and met me for lunch so you could tell me all about your party." I just did my best Scooby-Doo "Ruh-Roh" and chuckled that I blew that, not thinking the calamity that was awaiting me.
Another couple of messages to talk logistics: "I could take my lunch at 12 or 12:30, let me know which you prefer." "I'm taking my lunch at 12:30"
A slightly worried message: "It's 11:15 and you stil have not said if you were coming or not, are you okay?"
The first bomb goes off and I knew I was in trouble then: "Where are you? We're supposed to meet for lunch and you still haven't given me any sign of life, you're not answering your home phone either, what happened?" Reminder: we were not supposed to meet for lunch, she suggested doing so a couple of hours earlier and I never agreed to anything. I guess she told her colleagues I would meet her for lunch and it was now fact and could perhaps make her look bad in front of her colleagues.
The second bomb drops: "It's almost noon now, WHERE ARE YOU? Stephanie says you're probably sleeping off your drunk, but I don't believe her. I'm sure you got yourself a slut and cheated on me. Didn't you? didn't you, you asshole." Stephanie knows me very well, but that wasn't enough for Maryse it seems.
Ensued four more messages from 12:30 to 1:15, where she starts sounding more and more drunk and accusatory, spewing more attacks like in the message above. At that point I already knew it was over, there was no coming back from that. I can understand having trust issues, but that was nuclear. I don't tolerate jealousy because of horrible experiences with a couple of jealous toxic exes.
A final message comes in, and it's a different voice, that of my best friend being more than a little angry: "Hey Guy, listen, Maryse tells me you had a Christmas party yesterday, so I'm guessing you're sleeping off your drunk, still. But call me when you get this. I put Maryse, who's f'ing drunk, in the backstore so she can dry off and "do inventory". She can't be on the sales floor obviously and I just don't feel safe sending her home in the state she's in. Call me to tell me how you want to handle this."
At that point I had finished putting away my groceries and had put my boots and my coat on and was making my way to the subway to go to the store. I call Stephanie and tell her I got the messages and I was coming. She was right, I was sleeping off my drunk and had just woke up (didn't feel the need to mention the breakfast and grocery store). I ask her if she knows what I'm gonna do when I get there. She says that she knows and understands. She knows my bad history.
When I get out of the subway, I call her again before getting to the store. I ask her how she wants me to do this. It's her store and I don't want to create drama in front of her customers. Does she want me to wait outside and she tells Maryse to meet me in the street or do I go in the store and she takes me to the backstore and I do it there? She says to come to the store.
I walk in the store and every saleswomen on the floor looks at me and gives me the biggest case of the stink-eye. They only have Maryse's side of the story, so they think I did all these horrible things. I see Stephanie in the middle of the store and I walk towards her. She shakes her head and points me towards the cash register. I look over there and see Julia, a salesperson that I've known for a couple of years and really like, who also happens to be the biggest gossip in the store. I understand what Stephanie is trying to do. She's gonna make me tell her my story in front of Julia so Julia can spread the "good news" to the other employees and rehabilitate my name possibly.
So I get to the register and say Hi to Julia. She barely acknoledges me. Steph joins me. She asks me:
"How are you?"
"I was better an hour ago, before I listened to those voicemails. I had gone to our office party last night, had a great night, got drunk off my ass, got home at around 2 and woke up around 2."
Julia asks "Maryse told us you were supposed to meet her for lunch."
"No we weren't. I have a reservation for tonight at XYZ restaurant. I was supposed to take the day to do errands, stuff around the condo and meet her here at closing time. She suggested that it could be fun if I came at lunchtime to meet her, but that was never the plan."
Julia asks again "But why didn't you answer your phone?"
"It ran out of battery last night during the party and when I got home, I was so drunk that I forgot to plug it back in. I only plugged it when I woke up at 2. That's when the messages came in."
Julia asks "She says she tried calling your home line and you didn't answer and your machine didn't kick in."
"Yeah, that one's my fault, I knew I wanted to sleep and telemarketers have a habit of calling me early saturday mornings so I didn't want to be awoken by a call for a rug cleaning service, so I unplugged it yesterday morning, knowing I would be drunk when I got home and forget and be angry if I was awakened by a telemarketer."
Julia gave me a hint of a smile, showing me she was starting to believe me. She asked me a few more questions and then she asked what I was gonna do. I told her that whatever I'll do, I would tell Maryse first.
I looked at Stephanie and said: "Can you open the back store so I can go see her?" So we went to the backstore. As we reached the door, it swung opened and out popped Maryse, looking absolutely terrifying, I actually jumped back when I saw her. Her usual perfect makeup was completely smeared, her mascara streaking down her cheeks from the crying. Her hair was disheveled. She was a mess. Apparently, she had had enough of waiting back there and was planning on leaving the store to go home and had put her coat and boots on.
When she saw me, she went into an unhinged rant about me being an asshole for cheating on her, me not being great in bed, me not treating her right, etc. I let her vent everything she had to say, I looked at Stephanie and apologized for creating such a scene in her store. I tell Maryse we should go outside and talk in private. She keeps on yelling, but when I grab her hand to lead her outside, she follows.
When we get outside, her anger had started to wane a little, or maybe just her energy. I was able to talk to her to explain everything, how I had gotten drunk, had overslept (alone) and woke up at 2PM. I reminded her that we were only supposed to meet at 5PM not for lunch. The anger was leaving her and a smile almost appeared on her face. Through all of this I was being very calm and patient with her, which she interpreted as me not being mad at her. I then said in a firmer tone: "However..." and let it hang for a second.
The beginning smile vanished. I continued: "When you accused me of cheating on you, that broke me. That triggered memories of toxic exes who would always accuse me of cheating, not trusting me when I would tell them where I was, snooping on me, stalking me. Because of those experiences, I have a zero tolerance policy for jealousy. I told her that if she was behaving like after only two months of dating, it didn't bode well for the future and I have to protect myself."
At that, the tears started again and she just turned and ran/waddled away. I told her to wait, but she didn't hear me. I turned towards the entrance of the store to see basically all the employees and customers milling around the door trying to catch the drama. I went back inside to talk to my best friend. The mood had definitely changed and no one was giving me the stink eye anymore, but I didn't really care. I was just sad that it had ended, but proud of myself for having stood up for myself.
So AITA for getting drunk and keeping my phone turned off?
There is a lot more to this story and if you want to learn what happened afterwards, then read on.
The immediate aftermath
So I went back inside the store and talked to Stephanie. I told her that I had a reserrvation for XX restaurant and if she wanted to go with Stephen, she could take it, I wasn't in the mood for a dinner. She said "I already have plans for tonight, but thanks for offering." Julia said she would go with me if I wanted, but I just said that I wasn't in the mood to go out. I just wanted to crash and eat a pizza and get into a food coma.
Stephanie said she didn't feel comfortable leaving me by myself and I should join them at her house. They were having friends over to play board games and it could at least distract me a little. I said why not. So brimming with enthusiasm, I went to play bored games. I left early as I wasn't in the mood. I was feeling a little better, but still a bit down. I thanked Stephanie for the invite and left. I got home and just passed out on the bed.
I woke up at around 7AM the next morning and I saw along the corners of the window the tell-tale signs of a snow-drift and got excited as it was the first snow of the season. I pushed the curtains aside and looked on to see a beautiful white carpet outside. It was early enough that very few cars had marred the whiteness. I was admiring it when I noticed that, against the red bricks of the building across the street, there was a pink blotch. As I focused, the blotch became human shaped and I cleared my eyes enough to realize that it was Maryse and she was raising her cell phone to her ear.
On cue, my phone rings. I pick it up. Still sounding drunk, she asks me if we can speak. I ask her to give me five minutes to get dressed and I'll meet her down there. She asks why she can't come up. I say that I'm not sure I want her in my apartment. She says that it's cold out. I say: "Good, then this will be quick."
I get dressed and meet her outside. I'm still bleary-eyed from having woken up 5 minutes ago, but I try to get my wits together. I tell her that we're going to walk to the subway. It 's a 10-minute walk normally, but with her drunkenness, it might take 15-20 minutes. That's how long she has to tell me what she wants to tell me.
She wants to apologize for accusing me of cheating on her. She says she knows I'm a great guy and... I may be the A-hole at this point too, but I start to drift off in my little bubble and start daydreaming about, if I go back to bed, would there still be some residual heat or would it be cold? I could take a hot shower and warm the bed that way. I could still hear her in the background making excuses, saying how she had been cheated on, but I wasn't really listening.
During the daydreaming I notice it got quite quiet. I look on my left and she's not there, I turn around she's a good 5-6 steps behind me looking angry and she says: "you're not listening" I just say: "when you're right, you're right." I tell her that I understand she's been hurt too in the past, and I hope she can work to resolve her issues, but I was done and I'm going back to bed. I was a bit harsh there, but I was tired and still down.
I walk past her and get maybe 10 paces past her when I hear a scream coming from her. I turn around and I see her messing with something inside her coat. She pulls out a chef's knife with like an 8-inch blade. That wakes me the fuck up. Byebye bleary eyes, hello wakefulness. better than a cup of coffee or a red bull I tell you!
So she's got the knife, she's screaming something that I can't quite understand. She gets quiet and then she charges at me with the knife. If I'm being honest I could have stayed where I was and she probably would have missed me anyways, but someone charges at me with a knife, I'm gonna nope out of there. I take a massive side step and once she gets to where I was and realizes that I'm no longer there, she turns her head towards me and says heyyyyy.
At that point, I have a moment of clarity and see what's gonna happen. She's drunk running one way and looking another, I know she's gonna trip. As I predicted, she stumbled over her feet and starts falling to the ground. I start praying to god and anybody who would listen: "Please don't let her cut herself. I don't want to have to explain this to the doctors, EMTs and nurses. I don't want her drunk ass deciding to take revenge on me by saying I did it."
Thankfully, she winds up in a sitting position on the sidewalk holding the knife up and it was clean. Thank god for small miracles. She starts crying and, other moment of clarity, I know she's gonna turn the knife on herself now. I jump towards her and I realize I was right, the knife starts moving towards her left wrist. I tackle her, grab her right wrist and twist it so she drops the knife. I pick the knife back up and put it in my pocket. She looks at me crying and says: "Why did you stop me?"
I pick her up and take her back to my building. In my building there was a couch in the lobby, so I take her there and I sit her down and plop myself next to her. I look at her and wonder out loud: "What am I gonna do with you? What can I do?"
She goes: "Just let me go, I'll be good." I tell her that's not going to happen. I realize I have three options and I give her the three options.
"So here's the choice I give you.
1- I pull out my phone, call 911 and tell them about the attempted murder back there and they send the police to arrest you. I don't want to do that because that could derail your life and not get you the help you need. Besides, they might not do anything anyway as it's your word against mine.
2= I pull out my phone, call 911 and tell them about the attempted suicide back there and that you need to be placed on a 72 hour hold. I could do that, but at the same time, again it's my word against yours, so maybe they don't believe me.
3- I'm gonna hazard a guess here. From what I've seen, you have alcohol problems. So I'm gonna guess you were in AA, had been sober for a while, I want to say 6 months, maybe less, when we met."
She confirms my guess.
"alright so option 3, I'm guessing you had a sponsor in AA." she nods "we call them up and tell them about your relapse and what happened this morning. Can they come get you and take care of you?"
She takes her phone out and picks a contact and calls. She hands me the phone. Someone answers and I explain the situation. They said they were coming right away. I give them my address, they get here 15 minutes later. Maryse had fallen asleep in the meantime, so I wake her up gently and help her to the car. Off she went.
I went back to my apartment and just crashed back to sleep.
A month later
Mid-january, my phone rings and I see Maryse's number on there. I send her to voice mail. Another call. Voicemail again. 5 minutes later, Private number calling. "Gee I wonder who that could be." Voicemail once more.
Afterwards, I didn't get any unidentified callers for a little over a week. One afternoon, I was at work and my phone rings and it's a number I do not recognize. I pick up.
"Hello."
"Hi, is this Guy?"
"Yes, to whom am I speaking?"
"This is Hannah, Maryse's sponsor. we spoke last month." I started fearing the worst.
"Yes, I remember. How can I help you?"
"Maryse tried to reach you last week and you rejected the calls. I think it could help Maryse if you listened to what she had to say. You're obviously not obligated to entertain her, but I think despite everything that happened, you still care about her or you would not have called me that morning."
"You are right, I do still care about Maryse. I'm just not sure how good it would be for her to meet me this soon after everything that happened. I understand wanting to work through the 9th step and making amends, but..." She interrupts me.
"So you know about the steps."
"Yes I have friends in the program. which is how I could guess that she was in the program too that morning."
"You know it's important."
"I know. I know. How about this: we meet in public at a cafe, you would have to be there. Not necessarily at the table with us, but nearby in case she needs help, in case meeting me causes her pain. Tell her I promise to be in a more receptive mood than I was that morning."
So we make an appointment for that saturday afternoon.
I get to the coffee shop. She's already there, and so is her sponsor. I realize happily that she's not wearing makeup. I say happily because that means she understands that this is not a date, but something serious. She's still stunningly beautiful, and I feel sad almost right away.
I grab a coffee and go join her at the table.
"Hey" I say,
"Hey. So this is gonna be uncomfortable, but thank you for agreeing to meet me and for coming, I appreciate it more than you know. I'm sure you heard I quit the store."
"I have, I'm sorry about that, I hope you didn't do it just because of me."
"No, I needed time to focus on myself for now."
She proceeds to tell me about how I wasn't far off with my guess. She had been sober 4 months when we met. Now she had 39 days. She tells me that in AA, if you are single, they recommend not dating anyone new for at least the first year of your sobriety as it can cause issues, similar to what happened with us. I was like her "drug" and as long as I was available, she could get her fix. But the moment I wasn't available all hell broke loose, and that is what led her back to drinking that day.
I told her I'm glad to see her back sober again this quickly and I hope she can get all the help she needs from it. I ask her if she wants to talk to me about her drinking.
She starts to share a story about how she started drinking at around 11 years old. When puberty hit her, she got into a deep depression because the sexual feelings she was starting to feel were triggering responses. As a child she had been abused by two of her uncles repeatedly and her parents never believed her. They accused her of trying to make herself interesting. That was until they caught one of those uncles red-handed.
They finally believed and took the necessary steps to protect their daughter. But they were poor and they couldn't afford therapy. So she never really got help for it. At 11, she started self medicating the depression with alcohol. When alcohol wasn't enough, she added drugs.
At that point, I was full on crying. She asked me if I wanted her to stop. I told her that she doesn't have to stop. That the tears are there because that was one more thing we had in common. I was also a survivor of sexual assault as a child. In my case, it wasn't a family member, it was only a stranger, so it only happened once. But I also self-medicated with alcohol at the onset of puberty, switching to drugs later on too. I was lucky to avoid the pitfalls of addiction, but I was still dealing with my demons, slowly making peace with them.
So there we were, sitting at a coffee shop, both crying and holding each other. I tell her that I think it's great she's getting help for her alcoholism and addicion, but was she doing anything to help with the underlying issue, the original trauma? She said no, she couldn't afford therapy. I tell her that I am a member of a survivors group and if she is interested, I could get her into a meeting and perhaps learn to heal that part of herself too.
She said that she could give it a try. I tell her I have to talk to the other members to know if I can bring someone new and I would let her know. If they said yes, we would go to her first meeting together, I would introduce her and then we would coordinate so that I never went to meetings where she was. I wanted to do that because I wanted her first few meetings to be about healing and I didn't want our own history to be intertwined or mixed in with that.
After that, we left both feeling content and, while not necesarily happy, at peace if you will. Later on, I contacted Stephanie who was one of the "pillars" of the support group (that's how we met) to ask her if it was okay for me to bring in a new member to the group. She said sure. She asked if it was anyone she knew. I told her she would have to meet her at the meeting if she decides to come.
We were having a meeting the following day. I called Maryse, told her the time and place, and she said she would be there. She came to the group meeting and was shocked to see Stephanie there but Stephanie kinda guessed that it was Maryse I was referring to.
I introduce her, we start sharing stories, talking about how we're feeling, etc. The meeting was good and Maryse liked the vibe. So for the first six months after that, I never saw Maryse and we planned which meeting we would be attending to ensure we didn't cross paths. She started feeling much better.
After maybe 2 and a half years, she finally felt ready and she started dating again. She met someone and she fell for him. They were together for about six months, she looked happy. Unfortunately after about six months, she caught him cheating on her. We tried supporting her, being good friends, cursing his name, doing all the things we could to make sure she didn't relapse. But on April 5th 2014, she ODed on heroin. She was hospitalized for 2 weeks after that.
Hannah took her in and she set up a room for Maryse. She was still in a fragile state, so a group of her friends and I started taking turns watching over Maryse, making sure there was always at least one person there with her to keep her company.
Despite our vigilance, on May 14th 2014, when Hannah was out running a quick errand, she was gone maybe 15 minutes tops, Maryse found a way to cut her wrists and she died. We found a note saying that "the OD was not an accident, and neither was that. Thanks for everything you did for me. I love you all, but I can't do this anymore."
It feels good to write that story (I'll just ignore the fat tears rolling down my face!). Thanks for reading this far and sorry for the long story, I just started writing and couldn't stop. I apologize if it was a bit of a bummer.
2024.05.15 08:31 Everydayuser3 I’m afraid my ex doesn’t know that I want her back
Me and my ex are currently doing no contact. She knows how much I love her as I already write her a very heartfelt letter saying so. We’ve talked about how we can’t see each other with other people and how much we love each other even after the breakup. Yet long story short me and my ex had a little drawn out break up. I tried to make things work for a month after she first broke up with me. She said she needed to be alone a month later. I kept calling her and she agreed to, up until about a week ago she asked for me to take a step back. I agreed and didn’t message her and her birthday went by within those days. I still didn’t message her. She saw me downtown that night and cried to me and vented and was mad that I didn’t wish her a happy birthday. She asked to apologize and meet up in person the night after. That night we only talked super formally and only about how we’re looking forward to healing.
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?
submitted by Everydayuser3 to heartbreak [link] [comments]
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?
2024.05.15 08:31 Everydayuser3 I’m afraid my ex doesn’t know that I want her back
Me and my ex are currently doing no contact. She knows how much I love her as I already write her a very heartfelt letter saying so. We’ve talked about how we can’t see each other with other people and how much we love each other even after the breakup. Yet long story short me and my ex had a little drawn out break up. I tried to make things work for a month after she first broke up with me. She said she needed to be alone a month later. I kept calling her and she agreed to, up until about a week ago she asked for me to take a step back. I agreed and didn’t message her and her birthday went by within those days. I still didn’t message her. She saw me downtown that night and cried to me and vented and was mad that I didn’t wish her a happy birthday. She asked to apologize and meet up in person the night after. That night we only talked super formally and only about how we’re looking forward to healing.
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?
submitted by Everydayuser3 to Heal_From_Breakup [link] [comments]
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?
2024.05.15 08:30 Everydayuser3 I’m afraid my ex doesn’t know that I want her back
Me and my ex are currently doing no contact. She knows how much I love her as I already write her a very heartfelt letter saying so. We’ve talked about how we can’t see each other with other people and how much we love each other even after the breakup. Yet long story short me and my ex had a little drawn out break up. I tried to make things work for a month after she first broke up with me. She said she needed to be alone a month later. I kept calling her and she agreed to, up until about a week ago she asked for me to take a step back. I agreed and didn’t message her and her birthday went by within those days. I still didn’t message her. She saw me downtown that night and cried to me and vented and was mad that I didn’t wish her a happy birthday. She asked to apologize and meet up in person the night after. That night we only talked super formally and only about how we’re looking forward to healing.
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?
submitted by Everydayuser3 to ExNoContact [link] [comments]
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?
2024.05.15 08:30 Everydayuser3 I’m afraid my ex doesn’t know that I want her back
Me and my ex are currently doing no contact. She knows how much I love her as I already write her a very heartfelt letter saying so. We’ve talked about how we can’t see each other with other people and how much we love each other even after the breakup. Yet long story short me and my ex had a little drawn out break up. I tried to make things work for a month after she first broke up with me. She said she needed to be alone a month later. I kept calling her and she agreed to, up until about a week ago she asked for me to take a step back. I agreed and didn’t message her and her birthday went by within those days. I still didn’t message her. She saw me downtown that night and cried to me and vented and was mad that I didn’t wish her a happy birthday. She asked to apologize and meet up in person the night after. That night we only talked super formally and only about how we’re looking forward to healing.
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?
submitted by Everydayuser3 to EntitledEx [link] [comments]
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?
2024.05.15 08:30 Everydayuser3 I’m afraid my ex doesn’t know that I want her back
Me and my ex are currently doing no contact. She knows how much I love her as I already write her a very heartfelt letter saying so. We’ve talked about how we can’t see each other with other people and how much we love each other even after the breakup. Yet long story short me and my ex had a little drawn out break up. I tried to make things work for a month after she first broke up with me. She said she needed to be alone a month later. I kept calling her and she agreed to, up until about a week ago she asked for me to take a step back. I agreed and didn’t message her and her birthday went by within those days. I still didn’t message her. She saw me downtown that night and cried to me and vented and was mad that I didn’t wish her a happy birthday. She asked to apologize and meet up in person the night after. That night we only talked super formally and only about how we’re looking forward to healing.
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?
submitted by Everydayuser3 to dating_advice [link] [comments]
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?
2024.05.15 08:29 Everydayuser3 I’m afraid my ex doesn’t know that I want her back
Me and my ex are currently doing no contact. She knows how much I love her as I already write her a very heartfelt letter saying so. We’ve talked about how we can’t see each other with other people and how much we love each other even after the breakup. Yet long story short me and my ex had a little drawn out break up. I tried to make things work for a month after she first broke up with me. She said she needed to be alone a month later. I kept calling her and she agreed to, up until about a week ago she asked for me to take a step back. I agreed and didn’t message her and her birthday went by within those days. I still didn’t message her. She saw me downtown that night and cried to me and vented and was mad that I didn’t wish her a happy birthday. She asked to apologize and meet up in person the night after. That night we only talked super formally and only about how we’re looking forward to healing.
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?
submitted by Everydayuser3 to BreakUps30Plus [link] [comments]
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?
2024.05.15 08:29 Everydayuser3 I’m afraid my ex doesn’t know that I want her back
Me and my ex are currently doing no contact. She knows how much I love her as I already write her a very heartfelt letter saying so. We’ve talked about how we can’t see each other with other people and how much we love each other even after the breakup. Yet long story short me and my ex had a little drawn out break up. I tried to make things work for a month after she first broke up with me. She said she needed to be alone a month later. I kept calling her and she agreed to, up until about a week ago she asked for me to take a step back. I agreed and didn’t message her and her birthday went by within those days. I still didn’t message her. She saw me downtown that night and cried to me and vented and was mad that I didn’t wish her a happy birthday. She asked to apologize and meet up in person the night after. That night we only talked super formally and only about how we’re looking forward to healing.
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?
submitted by Everydayuser3 to BreakUps [link] [comments]
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?
2024.05.15 08:29 OkWorld180 Pandit Samarth Swami Ramdas and Shivaji Maharaj.
 | Samarth Ramdas, the guru of Shivaji Maharaj, advocated a combination of devotion, meditation and military training. Like many of his contemporaries, he did not believe in pacifism, but he believed in social, political and martial activism. According to him, even saints and other renunciants should not withdraw from society or become indifferent to their environment and surroundings but positively engage in reforming the lives of the members of the society actively and, if necessary, even take to violence for its moral transformation. submitted by OkWorld180 to Brahmanraaj [link] [comments] Shree Samarth Guru Ramdas Swami was a sage of the highest order known for his knowledge of the Parbrahma, his unflinching worship, his unparalleled status as a Guru, his literature, and the tremendous adulation he received from the masses not only during his time but even now. He was born in a village, Jamb, to Suryaji and Ranoobai Thosar. His original name was Narayan. He lost his father at the age of eight, which turned him into an introvert. He became spiritual at a tender age. Then, at the age of 12 years, Bhagwan Sri Ram himself appeared in front of him and advised him to count the 13-lettered Ram tarak Mantra 108 times at least once a day. Then, Bhagwan Sri Ram is said to have accepted him as his own disciple. The former gave him a new name by which he has been known ever since- Ramdas. Such a thing had never happened ever since Bhagwan Sri Ram, who was an incarnation of Bhagwan Vishnu, had left his mortal body thousands of years ago. In his adolescent years, he decided not to get married and went to the holy city, Nasik, where he started his worship of Bhagwan Sri Ram which lasted for 12 years. He did it the hard way, many times remaining without food or water for days together. Every millisecond of this time he spent in the worship of Bhagwan Sri Ram. During this time he was constantly guided from within by Hanuman, the greatest disciple of Bhagwan Sri Ram. After 12 years of extensive Sadhana, he got the blessings of Bhagwan Sri Ram again, and through him, he also got real knowledge. Then, he embarked on a pilgrimage to most of the holy places of India, which he completed in 12 years. During this time, he travelled barefoot. After finishing the pilgrimage, he went back to Mahabaleshwar. Then, at Masur, he celebrated the birthday of Bhagwan Sri Ram, wherein thousands of people took part in religious activities. He started gathering people around him, which was essential for his ultimate goal of establishing the Hindu Dharma in its original form, which was in a shambles because of hundreds of years of Muslim rule in the country. Next year, he found the statues of Bhagwan Sri Ram in the deep waters of the Krishna river near Angapur. He built a temple at Chafal and installed it ceremoniously according to the Hindu tradition. He celebrated the birthday of Bhagwan Sri Ram that year at the newly built temple. Chhatrapati Shivaji Maharaj, who had spent his whole life fighting foreign Muslim rulers, Shree Shivaji Maharaj, requested Shree Samarth to accept him as his disciple and knowing him thoroughly well, Shree Samarth immediately consented. Shree Shivaji Maharaj, from this time onwards, always took Shree Samarth’s advice in all the important matters. Then Shree Shivaji Maharaj, as a token of respect towards the Guru, offered Shree Samarth his whole kingdom, saying that he would look after it as only a caretaker, but it would belong to Shree Samarth. Shree Samarth was moved by this gesture and praised Shree Shivaji Maharaj but told him that anyhow, he himself, as Parbrahma, was the Atman in Shree Shivaji Maharaj, and hence, this wasn’t required at all. Meanwhile, according to the wishes of Shree Samarth, 11 temples of Sri Hanuman had been established, and the Head Pujaris were appointed. Shree Samarth then went to Jamb as his mother had passed away. After returning back, he went to Karnataka on a Dharmic renaissance mission. On his way to Karnataka, he established a Math in Miraj and appointed a woman disciple, Venabai, as the head Priestess. On reaching Tanjavar, he was received by Vyankojiraje, the King of Tanjavar. He also told Shree Samarth of his desire to become his disciple, to which Shree Samarth consented. At Tanjavar, one of the very revered religious figures, Pundit Raghunath, also became the disciple of Shree Samarth. After coming back to Sajjangad, Shree Samarth started writing his epic, “Dasbodha”. He also established a temple of the Goddess at the Pratap Fort. Shivaji Maharaj used to visit him frequently for advice, and seeing this disciple’s qualities, Shree Samarth told him the crux of the ultimate knowledge that one has to acquire to merge with the Parbrahma. He then completed the remaining chapters of the Dasbodha. After the death of Shivaji Maharaj, he wrote a letter to the heir to the throne, Sambhaji (Shivaji’s son), which is considered a milestone by even today’s political scientists. With his job of the Hindu renaissance done, Shree Samarth left his mortal body and finally united with the Parbrahma, ending a life which was so multifaceted that without his mention, almost no field can be considered as complete. He left his mortal body at Sajjangad at the age of 73 years. He preached activism for both the saints and the laity and upheld the view that laziness leads to temporary, ephemeral pleasures, but hard work leads to perennial happiness. He encouraged the youth to revolt individually and collectively against the prevalent ills in society, such as oppressors, aggressors, and looters. He cajoled them to exercise regularly and become physically strong, as the weak are incapable of purging the evils from society. He argued that only the strong and those with a fighting spirit would be able to establish the rule of Dharma or righteousness. They alone can perform their duty towards society, its culture and values and gladly accept martyrdom if need be. The aim of the army of such a youth would be to establish a free and independent society, ‘not for narrow selfish individual gains but for upholding the moral and spiritual principles of society’. These teachings were based on his observations of the conditions, lifestyle and mindset of the then-Bharatiya society. After attaining his emancipation, Sant Ramdas undertook extensive travels to various pilgrimage centres all over India for twelve years. During these travels, he closely studied the social, political and economic conditions of Indians and noticed their utter helplessness in life. He observed that ‘the frequent floods and famines and the attacks by the Muslims whenever they wished, which were actually helped by our own people, had destroyed the society and social life of the people. Everyone was scared and depressed. From his experiences, he realised that there could be no healthy growth and return of Dharma in society until foreign rule persisted. Based on these experiences, he wrote two books, titled Asmani Sultani and Parachakraniroopan, detailing his minute observations about the common man. These are the only two books in the whole of Sant literature in India which describe and record the condition of the people in those times. It is reported in Panjah Sakhian and Ramdas Swamichi Bakhar that during his travel through the Garhwal hills, he met the sixth of the ten Sikh Gurus, Shri Guru Hargobind Sahib. In his conversation with the Guru, Ramdas asked, “I had heard that you occupy Guru Nanak’s gaddi (seat). Guru Nanak was a sadhu who had left all material things, a saint who had renounced the world. You possess arms and keep an army and horses. You allow yourself to be addressed as Sacha Patshah, the true king. What sort of a sadhu are you?” Hargobind replied, “Batan faquiri, zahir amiri, shastar garib ki rakhya, jarwan ki bhakhiya, Baba Nanak sansar nahi tyagya, maya tyagi thi.” In other words, “Internally a hermit and externally a prince; arms for the protection of the poor and destruction of the tyrant; Baba Guru Nanak had not renounced the world but renounced maya (wealth/luxury).” It is claimed that these words of Guru Hargobind earned a spontaneous response from Ramdas, who reportedly said, “Yeh hamare man bhavti hai” (This appeals to my mind).” The above meeting is probably the reason Swami Ramdas highlighted the warrior’s role in society. When he finally settled down in Chafal, he engaged himself in the resuscitation of Hindu culture and values, which had deteriorated owing to several centuries of foreign rule. To bring together the Hindus and spread his teaching among them, he installed a statue of Shri Ram and started celebrating the festival of Ram Janmotsava (birth of Bhagwan Ram) on Ram Navami. He established temples of Hanuman in towns and villages to convey the importance of exercise to the youth and taught them to get together and fight the enemy. He firmly believed that whenever the nation is in peril and the cultural, moral and ethical values of its people are in grave danger of extinction, spiritual leaders must put their spiritual aspirations and individual effort of personal salvation on the back burner. Till the time such threats are over, they should direct all their efforts to meet the challenges confronting the nation. He started Samartha, a sect of sannyasins with high moral character and no personal ambition. These sannyasins had an intense desire to change the prevailing conditions of society through political and belligerent means. They were first answerable to God, and then to the society or their nation. He argued that “saints were not those who prayed silently but those who with their piety, knowledge and strength would cast aside their aloofness and help people in distress”. He established mathas or holy places for them. These mathas provided an atmosphere which synthesised social work, politics and spirituality for the benefit of society. Samarth Guru Ramdas worked actively for the equality of all – men and women. He abhorred the distinctions based on caste and creed and vigorously engaged himself in the task of abolishing the fourfold classification. He reprimanded those who opposed the participation of women in religious, social and political work. He chided such men by arguing that everyone came from a woman’s womb, and those who did not understand the importance of this were unworthy of being called men. He upheld that respecting the role of women and giving them equal status was good for the growth of a healthy society. According to him, granting women equal status as men is a prerequisite for social development. In the mathas established by him he encouraged the participation of women and offered them positions of authority. Chhatrapati Shivaji Maharaj was one of his ardent disciples. Shivaji wanted to leave his kingdom and devote himself fully to the service of Swami Ramadas. Once, when Ramadas was on his regular begging sprees, Shivaji dropped a letter in Ramdas’s begging bowl, giving his kingdom to Samarth Ramdas. However, Ramdas told Shivaji that his duty was not to become a sanyasi but to serve the people, rule his kingdom according to Dharma, and protect temples and people from the atrocities of foreign rulers. He asked Shivaji to rule as his regent, to take the gerua chaddar for his banner and defend its honour with his life. He had to think of himself as a trustee and not as an owner. For his acts of commission and omission, he was accountable to God. Shivaji, as a faithful disciple, took the padukas (slippers) of Samarth Ramdas, kept them on the throne, and followed his instructions to the core. |
2024.05.15 08:29 Everydayuser3 I’m afraid my ex doesn’t know that I want her back
Me and my ex are currently doing no contact. She knows how much I love her as I already write her a very heartfelt letter saying so. We’ve talked about how we can’t see each other with other people and how much we love each other even after the breakup. Yet long story short me and my ex had a little drawn out break up. I tried to make things work for a month after she first broke up with me. She said she needed to be alone a month later. I kept calling her and she agreed to, up until about a week ago she asked for me to take a step back. I agreed and didn’t message her and her birthday went by within those days. I still didn’t message her. She saw me downtown that night and cried to me and vented and was mad that I didn’t wish her a happy birthday. She asked to apologize and meet up in person the night after. That night we only talked super formally and only about how we’re looking forward to healing.
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?
submitted by Everydayuser3 to BreakUpOrNo [link] [comments]
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?