I'm 25 now, and for the last 2 years since I've been out of college, I worked non-stop. And I don't mean that in a healthy "get that bread" way. My first job started fine, honestly I was making triple what I did at my dead end jobs before/during college. But as time went on, I realized just what I'd signed up for. I was a one man department, working 13-14 hour days, 7 days a week. At some point during that time, probably about 4 months in, I just shut off. My mind, emotions, independent thoughts. This stayed for a long time. I feel it stunted my growth. Not to say it was all bad. I got married during my time there. Eventually, the only person I talked to in the office outside of work, passed away. Being the position I was (marketing and content creation) I was told to film my co-workers grieving for content, during a ceremony they had put together for him. Everyone was crying. Myself included. When I was told to do this, I refused. The following days i was chewed out by my boss, eventually being told I had 2 hours to save my job. I had to "make him smile" with something I had to make. I went into the half of our office that was under construction, nearly fell from some high as hell scaffolding while filming (only to find out a month after I left that the same scaffolding had collapsed a few weeks later and forced an older contractor into retirement due to his injuries) rushed back and made the most god awful video I've made in my life. All within 2 hours. My boss got in my face, told me it was awful, told me if I wanted to keep the job I had to step up... I quit the next day. Walked in, had all my personal equipment packed by noon, and left without saying a word to anyone. A few weeks later, I found a new job, same position. At first it was going well. I enjoyed it. But yet again, after just a few months, My capabilities were taken advantage of. I don't like to brag, but I do feel like im good at what I do, and I'm proud of that fact. But that second job tried to milk me dry, and I let it happen. I was there for about 10 months and every day was worse than the last. Quickly building back up to 13-14 hour days, 7 days a week. Leading up to the most impossible task I've ever faced. I was asked to make 13 weeks (1 quarter) of content, with 1-3 posts a day. I was asked to do this the Thursday before Christmas.... with a deadline of the End of the week, New Years week. It added up to about 6 working days total. I have never worked so hard in my life. I was awake for 4 days, my only breaks being my drive to and from the office, and working on my personal computer when I got home. I was so tired and stressed I was physically and visibly ill. Once that 6th day came, I presented it to them and they got mad that all the captions weren't written. They said if I didn't have them done by the next day, they "wouldn't be able to fund the department anymore" (I was yet again, a department of 1). I walked out of that office, sat at my desk, and applied for another job. Of which, I got. It took 1 month and 3 interviews, because it was a seriously higher end job than the small businesses I'd been working for. When I got the offer letter, I cried harder than I've cried in a long time. But I went in wary. It was a team of 3 (4 now with me) which was something I wasn't used to. At this job, I found the opposite of everything I'd previously experienced. I anxiously tried to stay late at work, offered to work after hours at home, offered to come in on weekends. If you think of anything over the top and unnecessary, I tried it. But I was constantly shut down. Told that my home time was mine and I didn't owe them that. This wasn't just some employee who told me this either, this was told to me by the department manager, and the project manager across many instances. I didn't know what to do with myself when I got home in the afternoons, or the weekends. I started unraveling from a tight wad of anxiety and emotional numbness. I genuinely started to feel again. One day, about 3 weeks in, I started a show with my wife. I won't say the show, because it'd be super nerdy in my opinion. But it's well renowned as an emotional show that can break you lol. I'd thought about watching it in college, years before, but my best friend had just told me about his practice of "rainy day shows". Shows to watch when you were at your wits end and the snap of a finger from just closing your eyes and not opening them.... if you catch my drift... I didn't feel this was the time for this show, but I decided to watch it anyways, because I have other shows on my list, and knocking one off when you're feeling good wouldn't hurt, right...? This show broke me. It forced me to unravel from what I'd become far faster than I should have. I cried for days. My mind racing a million miles an hour, not sleeping for a few days because I was just thinking and thinking and on and on... I was seeing the life I'd unconsciously built around me... and I hated it.... I live in a shit house that's falling apart, it's an absolute disaster in terms of just general cleanliness, my finances were shot, my wife was depressed, unable to sleep herself just from life in general, escaping to an app on her phone for 13+ hours a day (I know this because the app has an insane 13 hour window a day where you can use it for free, with no interruption, once you get passed that they put an insane amount of roadblocks in front of you to keep using it unless you pay. My wife was hitting this daily), we had become extremely distant and basically just being roommates.With all of this in view now, and my emotions running wild and my brain going twice as fast.... i wanted to change... I wanted to be better... It's been almost 3 months since all this started. I'm greatful to my new job for allowing me the opportunity to confront all of this. But Jesus, it's like the more and more I work towards bettering it, the more I feel I'm drowning, sad and depressed. I struggle every afternoon to just stay alive. My house is cleaner than it ever has been, I'm steadily making repairs and trying to make it a good place to live, I have regular deep conversations with my wife about progress and how we feel, I try to do everything humanly possible to make her feel loved, being a hopeless romantic. I feel guilty for saying all of that though, because I feel there's always more I could do. And while I grow and try, I don't feel it's reciprocated, and she'd be fine where we were 6 months ago. I'm tired. I'm exhausted. But I know I can't stop trying to be a little better every day. Even if I just get sadder and sadder, it will eventually clear up. But it won't if I stop.

Serious question (US based)
How do I become upper class?
CONTEXT: My family grew up middle class in an upper middle class neighborhood. I remember feeling ashamed because my friends would vacation to Europe every summer or other exotic destinations while I spent my summers working, and my only "vacation" was to go to the local public pool.
I've been out of college for a year now and have been able to take some short vacations within the US, which has been nice. However I still work in retail making a very low salary and my parents have given me a deadline to move out soon. I'm well aware that what I make is NOT a liveable salary, at least in the part of the country where I live.
I've been applying to jobs for almost two years and have gotten the occasional interview or phone screen but have not landed a single offer. I majored in a liberal arts degree but changed my mind on my ideal career path at a point where I was already stuck in my degree. I'd love to work in business but have already been rejected from all the firms in my area, not just the top ones (all without even getting an interview). I've been applying to jobs daily but I know I need a way to earn more money if I need to start supporting myself soon. I've even signed up for a side gig just to supplement my current job but am still waiting to get approved.
I've thought about becoming a gold digger (I am female) or starting an OnlyFans, although I can't quite overcome my conscience to do the latter, and I am too fat to be the former (I have PCOS and have struggled with my weight my whole life). I am currently learning to watch my diet and calories and working on losing weight, but I am currently well over my ideal weight and am only losing weight at a very slow rate which means it will be several years before I am down to a healthy weight.
Now for the good news.
For one, because I grew up surrounded by the upper middle class, I am familiar to some extent of the aesthetic of that class (although it is very different from my own personal style). I don't know some of the really boujee etiquette things like the different types of forks and what not (tbh being so concerned that someone's using a salad fork to eat steak or whatever is stupid. A fork is a fork.)
Because I went to an affordable public college, I graduated debt free, which is huge. I also graduated with a very good GPA and scored fairly highly on both undergraduate and graduate school standardized exams.
I also have a few different credit cards that I use responsibly and don't spend beyond my means (for the most part). I always pay my cards off in full every month and have a FICO credit score of about 770.
I try to diversify my portfolio, and of my savings I've accumulated so far, just under 10% is in a mutual fund, about 25% is in my 401k with company match, and the rest is in a high yield traditional savings account. With every paycheck, I contribute 10% to my 401k and an additional 10-25% into my savings account (I aim for 25% since I still live at home and have fewer expenses right now, but some months it's less).
It's hard because I've tried looking online for advice as far as how to become wealthy and I feel like I'm doing everything right - I went to college, I got good grades, I save a lot, I have no debt, I don't spend beyond my means, I've even tried going above and beyond to show my dedication in my job search by cold emailing recruiters at companies I'd be interested in (especially those who were alumni of my school), writing personalized cover letters, etc. and yet here I am stuck in my barely-above-minimum-wage soul-sucking retail job with a clock ticking over my head that I don't have much time to somehow find something that provides a liveable wage / move up in class so I can move out of my parents house. In addition, I don't really have the money to immerse myself into affluent circles by joining expensive country clubs, etc. (and even if I did, I feel like I would be judged and dismissed because I'm a fat woman), so that severely limits any opportunities to network or rub shoulders with the rich.
I know this is a very long post so thank you if you made it all the way to the end. I would really appreciate any sincere advice on how to move up in socioeconomic status, find a better paying job, etc. thank you ♥️

1.1 A resonator vector has multiple base modes 1.1.1 At offset fifths all in resonator is laxative 1.1.2 At offset octaves is Parrafin wax 1.1.3 A resonator vector has a few ranges in semitone division C1-C2 Always Rubber C2-C3 Normally Rubber C3-C4 Base Crude C4-C5 Food Grade Oil C5-C6 Laxative Only C7-C7 Flavor Only 1.1.4 A resonator vector is best cured by a filter reds method 1.1.5 A resonator vector usually indicates rubber or a laxative when it is unmessed by the filter reds method 1.1.6 By default a resonator vector is a rubber source of latex rubber 1.1.7 Cured Resonator forms the LaTeX substance which has various functions 1.1.8 LaTeX and Resonator are slightly but not altogether that toxic 2.1 A corpus vector has a physical object 2.2 A beam object is the fluid object and a marimba object is the human object and a membrane object is the drummer object and a pipe object is the stoner object and a tube object is the dauchund object 2.3 Corpus appears in a few range 16.35-120 Roor 120-262 Bacteria 262-512 Plants 512-1024 Foods 1024-2024 Human Related 2024-4048 Human Perephiery Related 2.4 Corpus has brightness or object ID material or object scientifics spread or object alignment inharmonic or object wavy filter or object oily or smoky 2.5 Objects may be made magical by realigning their direct spread to mid 2.6 Objects encode the disease of the person that used it 2.7 Objects yield food tokens when used in correct 3 depth beam tube pipe then cooked with pizza box or otherwise 2.8 Objects have an exact identifier by harmonics or upclicks and version for different variant upclick 2.9 Objects have a serial identifier associated with them which is their direct harmonic offset 3.0 A grain delay vector is a fluid extraction vector 3.1 A grain delay causes a derrick to appear on the signal when configured correctly 3.2 A grain delay should be used on the aboveground portion of crude extraction 3.3 A grain delay pumps fluid 3.4 A grain delay is best used at 1 and -9 or -24 or +12 3.5 Do not exceed one grain delay per extraction as it is the sampled oil derrick 3.6 Do not use grain delay in an ocean or it will cause an oil spill 3.7 Do not generally use grain delay or derrick outside of a fluids extraction 3.8 Do not use grain delay spray or the derrick will break 3.9 Do not use grain delay parameter besides 1 or the derrick will break 4.0 Vocoder is the fluid extractions vector 4.1 Use negative formant to go underground 4.2 Proof the oil at up to total proof at depth 4.3 Use 40 vector for best usage 4.4 Use up to 200 bandwidth for best usage 4.5 Top sample peaks if they are excessive 4.6 Increase fluid flow if possible to reason 4.7 Take fluid from belowground to aboveground with top formant 4.8 Do not use any form of negative total proof or it will be a shower 4.9 Tune after each peak 5.0 Q or eq is the tune process 5.1 Use tune to make a different amount of the particular thing 5.2 Put things all in the right place and resonance to get the detailed oil or water out of a signal 5.3 Use tune to isolate a particular thing 5.4 Use one tune to get your hands on something or use a motor pool tool with classic tune 5.5 Use tune with a network to do maintenance on something 5.6 Use tune to isolate a specific force 5.7 Use tune to create a hormone effect on the body 5.8 Use tune to specify how many hydrocarbon rings something has 5.9 Use tune at octaves for rubber wheels 6.0 Ugandan process saturator 6.1 Saturator gets the commoners on it 6.2 Saturator increases crude oil yield 6.3 Saturator prevents fires 6.4 Saturator adds more content to oil making it less pure 6.5 Saturator is an early stage process not a late stage process 6.6 Saturator causes mutagen to appear in the signal 6.7 Using at least one saturator in extraction makes the oil ugandan method 6.8 Using more than one saturator in the signal makes the oil actually ugandan 6.9 Saturator should be used with radiation surpression protocol 7.0 Vinyl is the ugandan refinery 7.1 Vinyl is the base cost of oil to create one barrel of oil at 221$ for a ugandan barrel 7.2 Vinyl creates stasis noise 7.3 Vinyl at hydrocarbons modification creates the appearance of stereo vinyl signal which is the vinyl chloride 7.4 Only one vinyl should be used in the ugandan method, the initial hydrocarbons source 7.5 Vinyl can be used to isolate pure vinyl chloride with mid side 7.6 The product is always polyvinyl chloride for a synthesis which uses more than one vinyl 7.7 The product is actual vinyl chloride for a synthesis which uses the mid side extraction method 7.8 A specific cure for the vinyl chloride created in extraction method exists 7.9 Vinyl is the rather dangerous portion of the ugandan process 8.0 Tube Amp or get jonnay a sample 8.1 Tube Amp does a minor observation on the signal which is not the actual observation of the signal 8.2 Tube Amp is the process used at the pre cracking stage before pre cracking in the oil field lot to certify oil field purity 8.3 Tube Amp can get jonnays hands on it and make the oil light and sweet crude 8.4 Tube Amp biases the signal towards mutagen 8.5 Tube can deconvolve the foundry observation or keep it the same 8.6 Tube Amp allows for up to three or a twentieth of the sample oil taken 8.6 Tube Amp is generally nonessential but allows for the process to be modified to light sweet crude 8.7 The modification to light sweet crude takes no time 8.8 The process involved may define oil sources further 8.9 Tube Amp is toxic to use as is as a standard signal and a wideband cure exists 9.0 Chanel eq or smelly 9.1 Chanel eq is where smell is observed in the signal 9.2 Adding just one chanel adds 10 times the smell 9.3 Chanel can do basic tasks and even in a pinch more than the standard worker number of chanel could do product work 9.4 Chanel is a perfumes process which causes something to become odorfactant 9.5 Chanel can make a signal less mutagenic substantially 9.6 Endocrine disruption by chanel has a specific cure 9.7 At the foundry chanel causes typical foundry area petrochemicals smell 9.8 Chanel Eq can expose you to something odifacantly 9.9 Chanel EQ is a critical process of drugs sensing 10.1 Cabinet Cabinet puts something in the cabinet, with the garbage 10.2 Cabinet has the garbage bin of all your friends in it 10.3 Cabinet can be used to imply something kept secret, deleted, or otherwise specifically specified 10.4 Cabinet has the bacterial disease of the cabinet on it 10.5 Cabinet is no more dangerous than your garbage bin in your kitchen 10.6 Cabinet can access your garbage bin in your kitchen 10.7 Cabinet is an essential part of home renewal processes to specify which part of the house needed to be renewed 10.8 Renewal process exist for specifying 2 cabinet upgrade 1x12 and 2x12 cabinet can be fulfilled by the renewal system 10.9 Cabinet can cause skin irritation if the cabinet is destroyed 11.0 Amp is the process of a drug addict 11.1 Amp provides a drug addict with reasonable amounts of their drug 11.2 Amp uses the food of the drug addict to generate the smoke of the drug 11.3 Amp is very dangerous and if set to default and not the rock user will kill the user outright 11.4 Amp is a specific process which is used when heavy metals are in the signal like at the oilfield hell which went too deep often amp is used to create synthesis effect in the oilfield hell 11.5 Amp provides Amp MTN DEW to the user 11.6 Amp Unlocks the mail system to the user 11.7 Amp causes many disease and a cure only exist for about half 11.8 If cured amp must be set to specific amp MTN DEW Abilities like Obtaining AMP MTN DEW at a store or obtaining amp MTN Dew by mail 11.9 Amp is very dangerous but I heard you can store marijuana in it 12.0 Gate or medical epitalon 12.1 Gate heals a signal, when the appropriate full poly gate is given at gate inverse gate for the whole range, then the recreational drug is formed 12.2 When gate is given in appropriate range to heal a generic signal and there is a gate inverse gate assembly for the whole range and the range does not exceed healthy and unhealthy there is a vaccine 12.3 When the vaccine is used in the recreational usage there is a battlesedative usage 12.4 A purely recreational use FLIP (few) exists, a purely recreational use CBX (20) exists, REDS medical (156) and BAGS (30) Medical Exist all also using Medical Gate 12.5 Gate has no cure of itself but can detoxify itself and even fetch a signal 12.6 Gate is not a signal router so should not be used to route a signal, this is emergency feature 12.7 Gate has various parameters which are always REDS 9,.02,10,333,-inf in a medical usage 12.8 Many gate have a use to create pressure with nominal pressure, gates can create pressure 12.9 Gates can refine a computer signal to detect right and are involved with doing work on something 13.0 Compressor or Pipes 13.1 Compressor Routes a signal somewhere else 13.2 Compressor Does quality assurance on an existing foundry full product 13.3 Compressor does the engine compression of a car without causing framerate lag 13.4 Compressor can do something on bequest of another pipe 13.5 Compressor has a variable pipe response to different substance, different behavior can be specified 13.6 Compressor in quality assurance should use the same sybian knee and threshold equal one another 13.7 Compressor in quality assurance should not exceed 5 minor acts of quality control 6 or 1 major act of quality control 12 13.8 Compressor causes unsteady supply 13.9 Compressor causes internal combustion in internal combustion 14.0 Delay or phase 14.1 Phase or delay can do surgery at 500 and 1000 and 0 rather third unused there is surgery 14.2 Phase or delay can do a keyboard retrieval or a keyboard flash at 333,666,999 14.3 Phase or delay can do shift register at 5000 14.4 Phase or delay can do manual register at 375,500,1000 14.5 Phase has a specific infinite ammo use at 4000 14.6 Phase has a firearms use at 37.5,50,75,100,200 except in blueprint use 14.7 Phase has a blueprint use 1,2.12,5,10,11.1,15,20,22.2,25,33.3,35,44.4,50,55.5,60,66.6,70,75,77.7,80,100 14.8 Phase has specific blueprint use of the offset of the individual components at the high end 14.9 Phase has splitter use of 5000,2111, and the firearms rate in splitter 15.0 Looper, or Pizza Box 15.1 Pizza box automatically cooks food at minus 20 15.2 Pizza box creates more of the food than you can believe 15.3 Pizza Box allows for the food to be cooked from Pizza Box to Pizza Box 15.4 Pizza Box Allows theft of item when recording 15.5 Pizza Box Is An Obligate Time Consumer Using Wav 15.6 Pizza Box Allows You to Get an Item from the Pizza Box (PIZZA SLICE) 15.7 Pizza Box Only Actually Cooks the Item on Retrieval 15.8 Pizza Box is Not Watertight And Cannot Become Watertight 15.9 Hit Circle (PIZZA) To Add Pizza or Other Food to Pizza Box Directly In 16.0 Frequency Shifter, F(X), Oxidation Reduction 16.1 Use oxidation reduction at exactly 500 Therms of oxidation to cook a food 16.1 Add 11.1 HZ At 50HZ Oxidation Variation to Cook the Food Well 16.2 Change Offset at Oxidation Reduction Parameter Offsetor to Change Food Flavor 16.3 Put an Aircraft literally into the sky by Oxidizing it 16.4 Peroxos, or Base Frequency Shift In Parts of F100 are a critical part of many life processes 16.5 A specific peroxos, lowest phosphors peroxos .01 scanning peroxos is involved with vision 16.6 Peroxos F4100 is involved with life that uses credit stick 16.7 All the peroxos of the intermediary shift between harmonic are involved with life 16.8 Alien Peroxos set outside the reference 261.5HZ Pussy Yeast Bread Harmonic Ledger Are undiscovered 16.9 Different family tree have different total peroxos set (Saplings) 17.0 Power Tools Driver or EQ3 17.1 A power Tools Driver is the old way to disassemble something 17.2 A power tools driver at 300 is the life jacket and at 650 is the bedpan 17.4 A powers tool driver at 1400 is the water filter and a power tools driver at 4100 is the grinder 17.5 A powers tool driver action of all three below 200 50-200 is the cooking request action in classic usage 17.6 A specific powers tool driver action sensor exists for cooking below all three 50-200 total range action 17.7 A powers tools driver with osc unlocks power tools motor action 17.8 A powers tool driver is a worse way to do work than with your hands 17.9 A powers tool driver is good at removing but not adding 18.0 Limiter or Limiter Removal 18.1 Limiter brings in Shadow Company And IDF And Blind Doxxons at Lowest 18.2 Limiter Brings in the Marines at Mid 18.3 Limiter brings in the seals at High 18.4 Limiter causes framerate lag 18.5 Limiter causes A signal to exhibit a perfect quality control even at extreme levels 18.6 Limiter can be used to tame paddles 18.7 Limiter can be used to tame drilling 18.8 Limiter can be used to examine something under a microscope 18.9 Limiter can make the psychoacoustic quality better 19.0 Beat Repeat, or Illformed Glitch Driver 19.1 Glitch Has Large Amounts of Turing Capacity 19.2 Glitch Allows for a signal to be broken into parts automatically 19.3 Glitch has a natural synchro ability like phase 19.4 Glitch has the ability to knacker a signal more than any other effect 19.5 Glitch can cause thought looping when it is combined with a drug 19.6 Glitch involves the usage of more constraints than the other effects vector 19.7 Glitch Phase Decimates the Signal 19.8 Glitch Is the Natural Form of Rocket Leauge Ice Block 19.9 Glitch can be used in gung fu to cure glitch 20.0 Utility or PHEN 20.1 Utility is the medical modifier which enables medicine to function 20.2 Utility is the phase amplifier which allow a phase transistor radio to pick up a signal 20.3 Utility is the suppression signal which yields mid from amidate 20.4 Utility Leads to natural divisions of 6 max 35 20.5 Utility forms methanol when it is prescribed as a compound 20.6 Methanol as utility is critical to curing the body's natural influenza or feedback as the methylation factor 20.7 Methanol as the utility is dangerous as a precursor but not as a component of promethylation medicines 20.8 Utility comes in ethanol above and gaba below at threes for dimerism mixes 20.9 Only one utility should be used unless rezurecting and at its highest it is critical to security signals being sensed 21.0 Reverb or Impulse 21.1 Impulse 10 is the lock unlock signal 21.2 Impulse 5 is the locked signal 21.3 Impulse 20 is the weed lock signal locked 21.4 Impulse 60 is the lucas impulse 21.5 Impulse 120 is the notch impulse 21.6 Impulse 2 1/2 Was Purported but Never Used 21.7 Impulse is always measured at no parameter 21.8 Impulse yields push for 5 second -40-20+35 positive with negative ten second and measured trace at 5 second -60-40+42 positive NANDAND unlocks token 21.9 When attempted 60 and 120 Second Trace were successful but these parameter are lost. 22.0 Auto Filter, or Amidate 22.1 Auto filter is the lettering of the situation 22.2 300 Source 650 Sulfur 1400 Water 4100 SnoreLax Olestra Ketamine 6500 Motion 10000 Tropane 13500 Engine 17000 X-Ray these are the critical amidate to life process nominal 22.3 450 Metal 550 Mains 750 Sewage 850 Treatment 2250 Ethanol 3400 Methanol 4700 Corn Plastic 5700 Plastic 7500 Rimbonant 8500 Soap Use are the natural taxing process of the initial statement 22.4 2000 Gold 1000 Nutraloaf 1100 Starch 1200 Sugar 1300 Glycine 1400 Hydrogen 1500 Pepsi Cola (1600 Peptide 1 1700 Peptide 6 1800 Peptide 3) 4100 Foods these are the nutrient for the system 22.5 131 Female Voice 144 Your Voice 155 Kick Drum 165 Kick Transient 175 Pots N Pans 185 Pots Content 196 Button Mushroom 220 Cache 240 Stash 262 Marisol 276 Clorox 296 Bluewater 300 Source 315 Febreeze 330 Peroxide 350 Nitrate 370 Ammonium 396 Loam 420 Bud 440 Dirt 470 Wheat 496 Soil 512 Potato these are the farm goods for the system 22.6 541 Muffler 581 Transmission 641 Piston 681 Engine 741 Cargo 781 Chassis 841 Fluids 900 Vaseline 999 Nutraloaf 1090 Soylent These are the willis goods of the situation 22.6 60HZ Patient Voice 131HZ Therapist Voice 300 Breath 650 Reanolin 1400 Aquaporin 4100 Cholesterol 6500 Weed 10000 Cocaine 13500 Amide 17000 Lisuride these are the tactical therapist of the situation, normally limited to cholesterol below and tuned to exact bodily process 22.7 -18 Utility This takes 125% 3.00Q to Mid, where a Dual And Dual Q resolves it at -33(MID), and can adjust for the natural armor process of the body -20-0 gate to adjust for the high signal 22.8 5000 Prozac 5100 Benadryl 5200 Scopolamine 5300 Atropine 5400 Benzyldiol this is the resuscitators of the situation 22.9 At 69 percent of 100 percent of the auto filter, 85% resonance is automatic mid 23.0 Drum Bus or Mike Mode 23.1 Drum bus makes the oil automatically virtual like modulator mode 23.2 Drum bus oil is especially good for general tasks, but it virtual 23.3 Drum buss summons the better drummer out of the bus 23.4 Drum bus is able to be flangebent 23.5 Drum bus is similar to communion but just mike 23.6 Drum bus allows for the shape of the item to be controlled 23.7 Drum buss allows for quality assurance to be undertaken 23.8 Drum bus makes the item profiled by mike the drummer from garageband 23.9 Jake the Drummer from Garageband Generally profiles and designs the item otherwise 24.1 Drive Sends the Signal to pikachu 24.1 Drive makes the world on the pikadollar standard above 3 use in chain 24.2 Drive increases oil yield 24.3 Drive is similar to flaring but is in reverse, adds pyrolysis to the product but also flares 24.4 Drive can be used to flare and actually control beyond flaring a aeronautical ship 24.5 Drive can be used for afterburners 24.6 Drive increases the torque of electric engines and their tone 24.7 Drive can be used to amputate a torn limb or saw something when used with osc 24.8 Drive can be used to extract oil better underground with tuning high and low 24.9 Drive is a typical stimulant which assumes the amine profile and is a critical part of transition metals.

Hello! Could I kindly ask for a picture of your type A uniform, either laid flat or hanging? Specifically, I'm looking for ones from the College of Architecture, Engineering, Arts and Letters, Music, and Fine Arts and Design. 🥹 (present or old uniforms)
We are gathering photos of uniforms for our exhibit. We tried contacting per college and searched the net, social media, and library, but only a few gave photos that’s why I would like to try again here.
If you would like to ask something, please feel free to dm.
Your help would really mean a lot. Thank you so much!

Season 46, Episode 12: Mamma Bear
Aired: May 15, 2024
Synopsis: Castaways fight for their chance to win letters from home; alliances begin to crumble and individual plans emerge after players compete in a race of balance, speed and puzzle skills to earn immunity and a spot in the final five.
Read our spoiler policy here.
Please keep new submission titles spoiler-free until Friday morning. If you are submitting an image or post that might spoil people, include "Spoiler" in the title so that reddit tags it appropriately.

My cousin is a first time mom; she just turned 24 & she had wisdom teeth removal and a root canal done years ago on credit because she was in excruciating pain and it just had to be done but her insurance did not cover dental and at the time she was financially stable(no kid, working a full time job & bartending) but she stopped making the payments because she is working 2 days a week (hours were cut due to her not having reliable childcare and the baby has health issues resulting in problems with just anybody watching the baby (the last baby sitter missed a medication dose that landed baby into hospital) point being she’s a good person, she doesn’t have rental assistance or barely any other benefits because they do not offer them in the area she lives and she is barely even making ends meet (she was in a car accident also) …now she received a summons to court over the unpaid debt from a debt collector. Is there anyway she can get out of this situation? Mind you she only had necessity type dental work, no cosmetic work that she only was able to pay a 3rd of before life got hard. If there some type of suit to this such as hippa violation or something to get her out of this situation? Samples response letters..est are welcome.

Find A Relevant Topic
Have you read the newspaper only to get the feeling that the very article that you are reading is already published all over the Internet for a long time?
Those articles are probably taken from article directories from the Internet, and yet it is a viable source for information on any niche!
If you want to drive tons of traffic to your website using a free or low cost way, then article directory submissions are the to go!
Why article marketing is so lucrative is because of the following reasons:
Famous article directories have LOTS of targeted traffic. Thousands of people go to article directories to source for content (e.g. for your local newspaper).
Similar to high traffic blogs, article directories also allow you to brand yourself as an expert.
Some article directories rank high on the search engines – it allows your author bio to rank high on the SERP (search engine result page) and it even passes the PR (page rank) juice to your websites.
Write an article about product or something related to your website. (If you can’t write, don’t worry… you can pay someone as low as $5 to get a quality article written for you).
Once your article is complete, do a search on Google for the search term – “article directory”.
You will find a list of article directories. Choose one of them and register as an author or an article writer and contribute your article to the directory. It might take a few days or even a week to get an article approved, so make sure you are patient enough to wait.
Once your article is approved, it will remain on the ‘front page’ of that particular niche for a couple of days before it is ‘pushed down’ by newer article submissions.
Rinse And Repeat
One of the advantages of article directory submissions is that you can take the same article and author bio and re-use them over and over again.
What you can do is to ‘cut-and-paste’ the article and post the article to a list of article directories (when in doubt – use Google).
Occasionally, you may find the process too tedious; you can outsource it to someone else for a low price of $27-37 dollars to submit that article for you to a few hundred directories.
If your article is well written, employing this outsourcing method will send a HUGE surge of traffic to your website so you must be prepared. This will not last forever because the articles do not remain on the top page all the time.
Make sure that you are not too ‘sales pitchy’ about your product or your website because some article directories are particular about the quality of the articles. They are after all, looking for quality content, not another sales letter.

Throw away since I know this former employee is on Reddit.
This is in regards to a small, privately owned retail business in an at-will state.
Usually oral agreement issues are employees being shafted by owners/managers/etc. that the latter may have orally agreed to about X, Y, or Z to an employee. It has actually been difficult to find online search results that are reversed, which is the case I am experiencing with a former employee (let's call them Alex, in a gender-neutral manner to reduce revealing private info about them) - Alex is claiming that they were promised a large portion of ownership of the business as well as equity related to recent, large product investments.
We had to fire Alex because of prolonged, catalogued/tracked service quality and professionalism issues, as well as strong suspicion (and eventual solid evidence discovered post termination) of theft. The service quality and professionalism issues were discussed with Alex numerous times, and naturally known to other employees working alongside them. Eventually, after numerous continued issues and verbal warnings, Alex was formally written up and we had them sign the notes covered in the meeting. After a couple more months of still declining service quality, and odd, suspicious behavior that strongly indicated theft as mentioned, we were forced to terminate employment. We provided Alex with a fairly standard release form which essentially said "we won't sue you and you won't sue us, and if you sign you get 4 weeks of severance pay." Alex did not sign the form. Alex found new employment about 4 weeks after termination and to my knowledge has not filed for unemployment for the few weeks between jobs.
As mentioned, we later confirmed not only theft, but Alex was selling the stolen goods online while undercutting our prices and then even using the store's financial accounts to purchase shipping labels for their online customers to ship the stolen goods to them. We have screenshots of their Ebay account, along with pictures they took showing of the goods where their hand is visible with recognizable jewelry seen by all the staff before Alex was terminated (so we can confirm it's Alex in the pictures they posted). There is strong evidence of other theft but it is more difficult to prove.
Re: the oral agreement - it should be noted that I did in fact make an oral agreement with Alex, but of which is very different than the one they are claiming was made. Because Alex was our first employee and worked with us for over 5 years, I agreed that if the business was to ever grow to say another storefront, I would allow Alex to buy in for an undetermined percent of the business (probably around 10% at most). That is it. I've maintained that this was the agreement to Alex, my wife, and employees for a number of years, never changing the details of the arrangement. Unfortunately Alex made these poor service quality and theft decisions and was terminated before the business was able to grow into an additional store (still not a possibility at the moment and probably for another couple of years), thus the agreement is now null and void. This agreement was NOT written down or signed by either party (and thus no witnesses either).
Alex is claiming that they were promised to be given (yes, given, not just allowed to buy in) ownership up to 50% of the current business and 20%-30% or so of the value of recent product investments, of which would likely be in excess of $100,000 together. Alex's claim is absolutely not true. There is no paperwork, signatures, witnesses, etc. that would be able to confirm this unless they are going to forge something or have people lie for them. However, I am concerned about this because I otherwise do not have proof that this was not the agreement...
Our two current employees, aware of this situation, and aware of (and witness to) the poor and odd behavior of the former employee that led to their termination (including the theft), are more than willing to testify that Alex's claim is not the case. Alex even spoke to them about thinking about drafting a letter to me about a 7% ownership stake, which they never did. If they were orally promised such a great deal of ownership why would they need to draft a letter for only 7%? Unfortunately Alex has recruited the wrath of their parents (who they lived with for 6 years straight and just moved into an apartment, Alex is in their 30s.) who are going to bankroll them a lawyer. I would imagine that Alex has been telling their parents for some time now (like years) that there was some sort of oral agreement about ownership more in the line of their false claims (to the specifics I am not sure) and they have been able to convince them that their child is telling the truth. So Alex's parents could very well feel like they're telling the truth when they say their child told them about this crazy 50% stake and equity when in fact it was a lie. But how do I prove that? Do I need to prove that?
Here's where it gets a little more complicated - Alex's father (who I miss, he was a good guy) is handy and built a majority of the counters, drawers, storage, display tables, etc. in the storefront for free (he refused payment for the labor, but I paid for all the materials of which I have receipts for). Alex is claiming that because their father built all this furniture, it is "proof" that they were promised part ownership and equity (because why else would their father be so generous?...). But that is not the case, their father just wanted to help and participate in any way he could as he is nearing retirement and wanting to take on new activities. The employee may have been cultivating this false assumption that such construction is proof of promised partnership with their fathefamily from the start, although their father never mentioned anything like that to me.
The personal and professional betrayal aside, I'm concerned about Alex levying such accusations of ridiculous grand promises via oral agreement since it is so hard to confirm either way, and given this person's proclivity of lying (and stealing) I have little trust they will act in good faith if any legal proceedings unfold. I would love any advice on how to possibly handle this issue. Wouldn't the onus be on Alex to prove these grand promises? Given the little I have listed above, what "evidence" might be in their favor? How concerning is it that their parents are fully convinced their child has been wronged (I also know that Alex is telling friends and new coworkers the reason they were fired was because of me not wanting to "give" them part of the business)? It seems ridiculous a parent's perspective would hold much weight in actual legal environments since they would be so biased. Should I be concerned there is no written agreement about any of these promises (including the legitimate one about eventual opportunity to buy in)? Anything about their father volunteering their labor? Is it a good thing that our current employees are willing to testify (on their own volition, I didn't even ask them) about their own first hand experiences and conversations with Alex that contradicts many of Alex's statements? Anything else potentially troublesome I should be aware of?
Yes, lots of lessons learned here - get things in writing for my own protection against such claims. Unfortunately that is not the case here, so advice geared around the fact that no party has much to support their claims (well, I'm only claiming their claim is false) would be most helpful. Please let me know if you have any clarifying questions or need more information for better input. I really appreciate your time and consideration!

May 15, 2024 Phoenix Arizona A.S. Newswire
The owner of a home at x420 Mary Jane Lane in Peoria Arizona has a small but ongoing problem. Strangers keep leaving marijuana in his mailbox. "Sometimes it's a small Ziplock bag, sometime a couple of joints. Over time it adds up!"
The owner, who prefers to remain anonymous doesn't use marijuana, finds himself in a bind. He can't leave it there or underage kids might find it. But he doesn't want to consume it either, or to risk driving with it in his car. "And I'm pretty sure a couple of the neighbor kids are checking my box whenever I leave the house. I don't want to get arrested!"
He states "I called the Peoria police non-emergency line repeatedly. They kinda laughed it off every single time. One detective asked if I was getting free pizza on the roof, also, whatever that means."
Asked for comment, Detective Lisa Scott, speaking for the Peoria Police department stated "We can't comment on ongoing investigations. And since simple MJ possession is no longer a crime in Arizona, we're not gonna stake out a mailbox or invest a lot of resources in this. As far as we're concerned Mr. Weirman, err, the homeowner should just throw it in the trash."
"I tried that" said the homeowner, only to come home and find my garbage can empty'd on the front lawn from people looking for free weed. Marybeth Shrute, Steve's neighbor reportedly spends her days watching his mailbox through binoculars, hoping to provide the PPD with a tip. "Kids today just don't know the value of a dime bag and if they're leaving free samples around, without offering us glaucoma sufferers any they're pushers in my book, and should be locked up."
Another neighbor asked for comment, Robert Zimmerman (no relation) repeated the oft-repeated phrase, "Well, I guess everybody's just got to get stoned." Zimmerman asked about the potency of the "gifts" to which this reporter had no answer. "I'm just askin', would Willy get a buzz from this or not?"
The homeowner petitioned the city to change his address to x419 or x421 but the Peoria street department and US Postal Service both said "No way! You bought the house at 420 on Mary Jane Lane, you can live with the implications. Besides, said one Postal Inspector, speaking COMPLETELY off the record, a lot of people WISH they had the problem you have!
Copyright 2024 Arizona Satire Newswire, used with permission and flair, grace and debonair.

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Hello,
I know there are a few outdated posts on this, and want some guidance on my pending ADSEP CND.
It’s been sent up to the admiral and didn’t know how long it’s taken other people to get their 10 day letter back? I know there are lot of variables. I’m prepared to wait, but just want to know other peoples experiences on waiting.
My current command has been amazing and supportive, and if anyone has any questions on the CND process up to this point feel free to reach out.
TIA

aaaaaaa. my prof was previously berating these two girls in front of me for laughing,, saying some stuff about how they don’t deserve to have a seat in the discussion for laughing about a sensitive topic (im pretty sure they werent laughing at the topic anyway) but it wasnt my business and im a pretty quiet student so i just went back to drawing on my paper. like five seconds later i went to burp like three times (i have hyperacidity and adhd, i impulsively just burped without thinking) then got told to get out. i apologized profusely and said it wouldnt happen again, it was just a spur of the moment thing, but he said, “i’m not giving you an option! get out!”
idk i think it was kind of unfair,, the prof took out his anger from the two girls onto me(?) even tho i was paying attention to the lesson. like i pay a crap ton to learn but just because of three burps hes gonna kick me out? would he also kick a student out if they coughed/sneezed three times in a row?
sigh,,, but i guess its also my fault for burping TT i just dont think i should have been kicked out for something that passed in like, five seconds. i literally would have taken a shouting match over getting kicked out. i even went back to apologize but then he, and i quote, told me to “just go, i dont need ur explanation”
my friends are telling me that i was just caught up in the crossfire of his wrath, that im innocent, and to not think aboit it much but i dont know.. i kinda wanna erite a letter that details how demeaning it is to get treated like that, only to get kicked out for an every day, human action. but st the same time, i literally only have to go to his class like two more times and im free 🫠🫠🫠

Hi Everyone! I’ve always loved good smelling stuff and for the last 15 years I’ve usually had one bottle of cologne, and would replace once it’s out. Only in the last few months have I really delved into this world and began filling out a modest collection. I’m definitely not an expert (so take my reviews with a big grain of salt) but I love smelling and writing so here ya go. (Fucking wall of text incoming lmao, I didn’t realize how lengthy this got)
I just got back from a three-hour mall trip to try and get my nose on as many niche fragrances as my senses would tolerate. I had already done a good bit of research so I had some picked out to try and others already crossed-off. Im a 30M for reference.
I also had the goal in mind to find a contender for a fall/winter scent that exudes class, sophistication and decadence. For that, I’ve already tried a few that I really enjoy, and kind of used these as a springboard to continue exploring:
Xerjoff Alexandria II- This is what I envision royalty wearing. Lavender and rosewood mix soooo nice in the open, and dries into a lovey rose/vanilla/essence of oud. The oud is really toned down here for those that dislike it. It’s kind of hard to pick out. Nuclear performance.
Initio Oud for Greatness- Another good starter oud, you could say (this was my introduction to oud). It lasts forever and the dry down is seriously heavenly. The wet, soily oud is at the forefront for 2-4 hours, but I’m absolutely in love with what’s left when it disappears. Lavender, saffron, nutmeg and musk mixes into the best dryer-sheet-like scent I’ve come across (what it reminds ME of at least).
Perfums de Marly Haltane- Quite similar in the opening to Oud for Greatness. Haltane is darker, though, where I get more leathesmoke. I think the oud in this is more subdued, or at least less moist smelling. It blends well and lasts a good while.
Initio Atomic Rose- Holy shit. Apparently rose gets my motor GOING. I tried a lot of rose-centric fragrances today, but this probably still takes the cake for its balance and strength, in addition to the scent itself being just gorgeous.
So with those in mind I was off to Neiman Marcus. I sampled a large amount more than what I’ve written, but stuck to the ones that were memorable; good or bad.
Frederic Malle - Portrait of a Lady- My favorite of the Frederic Malle. Sensual rose/clove/currant at the front, but it is kind of hard to pick out specific notes on this one. After looking, I can get the cinnamon in the background of the dry down, it blends perfectly with the sandalwood, rose and benzoin after drying down. - Carnal Flower- Some similarity to POAL, lots of tuberose and jasmine, which I personally like. A bright yet sensual floral, and you get some coconut and melon there, too. I typically dislike coconut but this is blended masterfully. - Lipstick Rose- Yeah, that’s what it smells like. Try this if you’ve seen people describe scents as lipstick-y or violet taking on that accord. Not my cup of tea, also leans more feminine to my nose than the other two. - Musc Ravageur- I really wanted to like this one. And for a split second I did! A clove-y vanilla sasparilla is what I first got, and it unfortunately turned into barnyard urine. I immediately remembered seeing some reviews stating this, and I couldn’t get my nose to move past it. I can tell there’s good stuff there, but not for me.
Amouage - Reflection- The only one I’d tried before, and remains one of my favs. Rosemary and pink pepper greet you with a deep, fresh spice. The vetiver and patchouli sit nicely at the bottom, and the combination of white florals mixes wonderfully. Another scent I could imagine on royalty, and seems pretty versatile, too. You could wear this year-round without feeling out of place. Insane staying power. - Lyric- Probably my favorite, but I need to smell again on another day. Compared to the other Amouage, I had to continually stick my nose in the coffe beans to pick up the scent from the test strip. When I did get it, it was a lovely light, fresh scent. Quite a departure from the other Amouage I’ve tried, but great. No surprise, the list of notes are some of my favorites: lime, bergamot, rose, orange blossom, saffron, nutmeg, musk, pine, vanilla, incense, sandalwood. Seriously, love each and all those individually and they come together beautifully. - Interlude- Another good one. Dark, mysterious. Definitely get the oregano/peppepatchouli/incense bomb off the top. Leather lurking behind. I typically don’t gravitate toward the leathery scents but this one’s good. - Enclave- This pretty much seals the deal for me that on me, mint just ain’t it. I liked Sedley at first, but the mint somehow gets too cloying to my nose after too long. I can tell I would get the same from the peppermint in the opening of Enclave. I almost liked this one, too. If you can even tolerate peppermint, you’ll enjoy this one.
Mind Games - Blockade- Wowww. First sniff love, here. Explosion of citrus, juicy fruit-y sex. I usually find myself staying away from citrus-forward scents but this shit is next level. This will be a contender for my next upscale summer buy. - Double Attack- Another love at first sniff. It’s familiar, though. Chocolate/orange/cinnamon/vanilla. You’ll want to eat it right up. I already have this box checked in my collection, but may come back to it in the future. - Checkmate- Another lovely scent. Champagne, red currant, rose, magnolia, little patchouli. It all comes together really nicely, and it was difficult for me to pick out specific notes before looking. Not a love, but I was really impressed with the quality and scent profile of the Mind Games I tried.
Clive Christian - Town & Country- Wow. No seriously, like fucking wow. Smells like an Italian fruit cart strolling through an English manor’s sprawling garden road. I look at the notes and I don’t understand how you get this smell supposedly out of Clary Sage, Ambergris, and Sandalwood. Like, what? This is high quality shit. I get some pear or grapes there, too. Try this. - Crab Apple Blossom- Yum yum yum this is goooood. Smells like it sounds. Bergamot, apple blossom and rhubarb dance around playfully together. Can’t help but have a big stupid smile on your face when you smell this. The more it dried down, the more it might be my favorite over Town & Country. - Matsukita- Another great scent. In the same vein as the other two since they are part of the same “Crown Collection.” You get some smokiness, here. Bergamot with nutmeg and mate give depth and a little mystery. White florals, woody ambers and musk at the base. Just quality stuff here. All three of these in the Crown Collection were available in 10ml travel size gift pack for $300. Good idea to put on my wish list. That shit is kiiiinda expensive.
Xerjoff - Erba Pura- I did not expect to like this as much as I did! Favorite that I sampled. Perfect combination of citrus and fruitiness off the top, layered over a bed of sweet musk. Something here is very familiar to my nose but I couldn’t place it. This will be another top contender for a future upscale summer purchase. - Accento- Soothing scent. Fruity white floral (usually dumb reach for me), and the iris gives it some powder but not overpowering. Not as feminine-leaning as I would have expected. - Iommi- Delicious! Sweet smoky rum off the top, and it’s a little surprising how forward the patchouli and leather is in this. It’s bordering on being a little overpowering, but it tames a bit on the dry down. I’d need to see how this goes on my skin, for sure. - Torino 21- Another one that I liked way more than expected. I’m going back and seeing mint listed as a top note here…I didn’t get that! And thank God since mint usually is a non-starter. Kind of an aquatic green to my nose. Again, just a lovely scent. - Naxos- Yeah ok this is good shit. I was expecting a sweet bomb, but this is definitely more restrained than what a lot of reviewers will have you believe. I’m a sucker for lavender and bergamot. Throw in honey and jasmine atop a bed of tobacco, vanilla and tonka bean? Yes please. - Erba Gold- Pretty good. To my nose more feminine than Erba Pura, likely due to the extra fruits in the middle. That combination of citruses, pear and melon is reminiscent of particular ladies’ scents.
Louis Vuitton - L’Immensité- Ohhhh yeahh. Relaxation in a bottle. My favorite besides maybe Fleur du Desert. This, Imagination and Météore all kind of dance to the same song, so to speak. More than one of these would be redundant, in my opinion. The quality speaks through each of these fragrances, though- really nice stuff. - Imagination- The name fits, as a lot of the notes here are almost fleeting like a word on the tip of your tongue. It’s a great, calming scent but it didn’t blow me away. Like I said, L’Immensité was the best of these and I don’t see the need to diversify within this collection. - Météore- Compared to L’Immensité, there’s a little more sweetness here. This leans closer to a shower gel-like scent in my opinion. Still great. - Fleur du Désert- This one started out reallly good. Honey and cinnamon into rose and orange blossom is an intriguing, sensual combination. Unfortunately, smelling it on my arm after a couple hours, the jasmine and honey turn into something my mind recognizes as an old lady scent. The POAL on my hand, by comparison, keeps mixing with my skin in a great pheromonic way. - Ombre Nomad- Disappointed with this one. I’m realizing I don’t gravitate toward darker scents like heavy oud, leather, incense. I can tell it’s put together really well and uses quality materials, but this isn’t one that was made for me.
All in all, my main take-aways include: Xerjoff scents living up to the name. I was definitely impressed with their offerings, and would have expected it to lean closer to overrated. Same with Mind Games. Really enjoyed everything I sampled from them, even if it wasn’t my cup of tea, I was impressed with the quality. Also, I need to get back and sample the rest of the Clive Christian house. I was absolutely blown away with what I tried.
A little bonus: I tried TF Noir de Noir, Extreme Noir, and Cafe Rose. Extreme Noir is excellent. A regal mix of saffron, nutmeg and cardamom on top of rose and white florals. Ahhhh, again, similar to what I imagine a king or king to smell like.
Cafe Rose is probably the second best rose-centric scent to my nose besides Atomic Rose. I’ll need to put those side by side.
Anyway, feel free to ask away if you’d like. I was bored and inspired so killed some time writing this out :)

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Todd Cochran Trio - An Homage To My Hometown, San Francisco 05-18-2024 @ 7:00 PM - Joe Henderson Lab at SFJAZZ, San Francisco
“A chameleon at the keyboards” (DownBeat), the legendary pianist and San Francisco native known for his six adventurous albums and collaboration with artists ranging from Bobby Hutcherson and Freddie Hubbard to Santana and Peter Gabriel makes a rare appearance in the Joe Henderson Lab, with a special locally-focused concert with his TC3 trio, titled 'Remembering… a homage to my hometown, San Francisco.' A child prodigy who studied at London’s Trinity College of Music as a teen, Cochran began his professional career with jazz legend John Handy and made his recording debut as performer, composer, and arranger on Bobby Hutcherson’s 1971 large ensemble Blue Note session Head On.Taking the name “Bayeté,” Cochran released his landmark Prestige debut Worlds Around the Sun in 1972. The album features “Free Angela,” Cochran’s tribute to activist and SFJAZZ Board member Angela Davis, re-recorded by Carlos Santana for his Lotus album, and is one of the most sampled and collectible jazz records of the early 1970s.From that iconic start, Cochran ventured far and wide musically, forming the art rock band Automatic Man with former Santana drummer Michael Shrieve and working with a global cast of collaborators including John Hiatt, Aretha Franklin, Stanley Clarke, and dozens more.Cochran returned to recording under his own name in the early 1990s, and his latest under the project name TC3, 2021’s Then and Again, Here and Now, features bassist John Leftwich and drumming icon Michael Carvin.
Tickets - https://www.sfjazz.org/tickets/productions/23-24/todd-cochran/

Storytime (Why retake the GRE?)

I took the GRE in October 2020 at home, the old one for MS admissions, but did not end up using it for any applications. My old score for the old GRE was 323 (162V, 89th percentile; 161Q, 65th percentile) and writing was 6. I ended up getting into a decent program in applied mathematics, and needed to retake it for competitive PhD programs in biostatistics/statistics and bioinformatics for the Fall 2025 cycle. I was aiming for perfect quant and somewhat improved verbal. I am working full time doing research and writing papers and programming lots and lots, it was really challenging to prepare, but I had lots of preparation time on my side---roughly two months.

Mock Scores (Markov property)

I double majored in pure mathematics and statistics from a top public school in SoCal, but I get incredibly anxious when taking these sorts of time constrained tests, so my quant was generally not perfect at all and all over the place:

1. Two days ago I took my first mock in the morning timed and got 159V, 160Q (powerprep 2, free)
2. The same day, later in the evening, I took another mock and got 159V, 168Q (powerprep+ 2, $40)
3. The next day, I took another mock in the evening and got 161V, 164Q (powerprep+ 3, $40).

So my quant performance was all over the place. Most of the time I would literally SELECT THE WRONG ANSWER and not fully read the damn question out of anxiety.

Game day (and the day before)

I didn't get very good sleep (only slept 5hrs because I ate really late and was super worried). I made a nootropic shake concoction and had some other supplements 30-40 minutes before I started the actual exam, which helped with my sleep deficit (vegan protein, matcha powder, creatine, l-theanine shake; vitamin B complex, CoQ-10, vitamin D extra strength; and a banana). I think diet the night before is actually super important and I did heavy carb and creatine loading: finished four servings of gnocchi; 1.1lbs ribeye steak; one avocado and one salmon filet. And up until the test day, I made sure to be physically active and stuck to my workout schedule to make sure that I have the best possible VO2 max on test day. This included doing zone 2-4 cardio weekly for at least 90 minutes per week. I see lots of people give up their workout schedule, but I think that's actually detrimental.
Beyond hacking my physiology, I took my test at a test center. I think that was a big deal because the test center was super quiet and there were no distractions at all. Driving there took me 40 minutes, so I was also able to settle down emotionally and just meditate about doing well while getting there. I listened to music as well which got me in a good mood.
I had completely forgotten that we get an unofficial score as soon we finish, so I was incredibly SHOCKED at how I did. I think if I had known I get the score immediately (unofficial) I would've done worse.

Other notes (resources I liked)

GREGMAT GUY... Danke Schoen. I used mostly gregmat strategies for all my preparation.

1. I used prepswift and made a cheat sheet from prepswift concepts for verbal, quant and writing. Making the cheat sheet was really helpful.
2. In particular, I focused on a lot of the strategy guides for the verbal and quant prepswift sections.
3. I did Manhattan 5lbs first, ALL problems EXCEPT the word problem ones since those ones were too wordy for no reason compared to actual ETS problems.
4. I did no foundations for quant until after I sampled my baseline performance on the Manhattan 5lb problems. Then I revised with prepswift and the official ETS material.
5. The official ETS quant and general GRE books are really good for practice as well. These are the real indicator of test performance since the Manhattan book problems are actually a lot more challenging.
6. I had very little verbal practice. I read and write everyday, so I just wanted to hit high 80s percentile for verbal. I did practice the vocab though (gregmat vocab mountain AND Magoosh GRE vocab).
7. For people with high anxiety: for the quant, just remember to recognize patterns, read the problem, stick to your foundations, plug and chug, and breathe. Everytime I started the quant section, I used the remaining time from the verbal to write that preceding sequence out so that I was using metacognition and prevent myself from panicking.

This is the first time I have written something of this length, and is more of an exercise in self-therapy than anything else. Disclaimer: This story contains conversations about child abuse. Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoy it.
Nathan’s number appeared on my phone screen. I debated whether or not to answer it. We hadn’t been on speaking terms for a while, and while we did keep in touch sporadically, it was usually because of important family issues. I didn’t know of anything happening with mom or dad, nor with Talia or Rio, so I let it go to voicemail. I could always call him back later. I placed the phone back in my pocket, and returned to cleaning my camera. The phone buzzed again. A text message came through. I read the preview line from the home screen. “The city declared eminent domain on the house” I unlocked my phone, read the full text message, and dialed my brother.
I wasn't able to get any closer to the house than a few blocks. Most of the area was blocked off with chain link fencing and construction equipment in preparation for the demolition that was supposed to take place within the coming days. The barriers didn’t prevent people from walking in to the neighborhood, but it hindered scrappers from coming in and stripping the houses of copper wiring and plumbing.
I grabbed my camera bag out of the trunk of my car along with my tripod. I shouldered it and hooked the tripod to my bag. I pulled my water bottle out of the center console and shut the door. I stood next to my car surveying the neighborhood. 12 city blocks of old single family homes comprised the neighborhood where I grew up. Some of the houses had been empty for months, others for years. There was an eerie silence that permeated the still air. I could not hear the familiar sounds of people, pets, or cars. I locked the car and put my keys in my pocket. I patted my jacket down to ensure I had what I needed. After a quick check, I started my walk.
The sidewalk of the old neighborhood streets still bore the familiar cracks and grind marks from years of buckling and remedy. Leaves dropped by the trees still lay scattered all along the pathways and sidewalk. Korina’s house was the first house I encountered as I made my way through a gap in the fence. The yard was overgrown with tall grass and thistle. I could see the faded blue paint of the old house contrasting the green and browns of the lawn. The chain link fence that marked off the corner property was nearly invisible through the thick brush. As I continued walking west towards 110th, I started to feel something was off. The streets seemed wider than I remembered. It took me longer than I’d like to admit, but eventually I realized what was different. There were no cars.
The streets here typically had cars lined bumper to bumper in any spot available, and were visible from block to block. The absence of all these vehicles made me realize just how deserted the neighborhood really was. House after house, yard after yard, the telltale signs of desertion reinforced what I could see from the moment I passed the construction fence: This was no longer my neighborhood. There were no signs of life, and no one I could expect to find still here. Abandonment was the new normal here. I continued on, glancing at houses and recalling memories of summer bike rides, and daily walks with dogs I used to have. I remembered walks home from school, and chasing after ice cream trucks when they passed our houses. I smiled a bit as I remembered more and more of my years spent here. I don’t quite know just why I was smiling. There were plenty of bad memories here too. Fights, yelling, being beat up, being robbed. I could remember failed friendships, lost loves, and bitter feelings of failures too.
Still, I felt a certain amount of nostalgia despite the weight of these negative feelings. I almost wanted to experience everything again, although I wasn't sure why I was feeling this way. Concrete, asphalt, billboards and liquor stores were the normal vistas of everyday life. Occasionally, after a good rainstorm, the grey haze of smog would lift, and the mountains would be visible to the north. At least, they would be visible until mid-morning when the exhaust from a million cars covered them behind a veil of pollution.
It wasn’t until the first time I travelled out of the city that I realized there was more to see. Traveling up the coast north along the Pacific Coast Highway introduced me to scenes of deep blue ocean water spanning the width of my vision. Driving up Highway 3 introduced me to the permeating scent of Pine and Fir trees. The two-lane stretch of highway from Portland to Tillamook introduced me to lush green forests that I had only ever read about. When I came home to the same old dirty, dusty concrete and boiling summer asphalt, I had made up my mind. I would do everything it took to leave this place. I would not spend another day longer than was necessary living in cramped quarters and fighting for parking space.
I arrived to the house, and paused at the gate. The house sat in contrast of what the rest of the neighborhood looked like. Instead of overgrown grass and tall weeds all over the place, the landscaping showed signs of relatively recent work. The guava tree in the front lawn still had some fruit ready to be picked, and the avocado tree on the other side of the pathway was still weighed down by its own fruit. Flowers still bloomed in the raised bed in front of the house. My brother had clearly tried to keep up on things until the last possible moment. The house, too, looked better than what I expected after walking up 4 blocks and seeing nothing but dilapidated houses and unkempt yards. I opened the gate and walked up to the small porch. The metal gate that enclosed it was gone having been removed by my brother when he took over the property. It looked nice to see it open instead of the cage it once felt like.
I turned the knob on the door, but it didn't give. Ever a creature of habit, my brother had locked the door when he left. Of course, he did. I sighed and prepared to find another way in when I remembered my parents hiding a spare key. I wasn’t sure if it would still be there, but after running my hands along the back side of the gutter downspout, I was rewarded for my efforts. I unlocked the front door and stepped into the front living room, the sounds of my footsteps and the closing door echoing in the empty space. The room felt both larger and smaller than I remembered it. I suppose it was lack of furniture that made it feel larger, but it still felt smaller than I remember. The result of growing taller throughout the years I suppose. I slowly walked along the slate tile floor towards the central hallway that connected the front of the house to the back bedrooms. I wasn't entirely sure that just because the front door was locked, that there wasn't some squatter looking for a little temporary shelter within the back rooms. I carefully and silently crept step by step towards what used to be the bedroom shared by my sister and me. I stuck my head in and gave the room a cursory glance. It was empty, thankfully. I moved back into the hallway and peered into the bedroom across the hall. This is where both of my brothers had shared a room. It too, was empty save for a few boxes holding hardware and doorknobs from the closet doors of the bedroom. I walked back towards the back of the house where my parent's bedroom was. The walls in the hallway bore the dusty signs where picture once hung. The bedroom door was open. I stepped inside, and looked around. The old avocado paint that my mom had picked out years ago still adorned the walls. Walking further towards the addition that was the small room my grandma and grandpa lived in showed that there was no one here. I breathed a sigh of relief as I set my bag down and set up my tripod. I reached into my bag a pulled out an envelope of old photos. These were old snapshots that we had all taken at some point in time in the house. There were pictures of all of us sitting at the dining room table playing a game of Monopoly. There was a picture of my brother and sister sitting on a couch in the front living room. There was a picture of me hanging on the bars of the front porch. I looked through them all and held them in place in front of me as if I were holding a window to the past.
Each picture made the lump in my throat grow as I started to struggle to control my emotions. There was history here, and soon it would all be gone. This is the place where my parents had raised four kids. They had taken care of my grandparents in their twilight years here. My Aunt and my grandmother had both died in this house. Birthdays, graduation parties, and anniversaries had been celebrated here. The echoes of life had reverberated within the walls of this place. Now, the house sat silent. It would never again know happy screams of kids having a water-balloon war out in the front yard, nor would it hear the cries of anguish as the matriarch of the family passed away surrounded by her family. What once was a home full of life was now just an empty house made of drywall and paint. I sat there for a moment contemplating just how much family history was actually made here. As I thought hard about my siblings and my parents, I felt pained at the thought of our strained relationships. We had all scattered once we had the opportunity to be free of each other. My oldest brother had married and moved away as soon as possible. My sister now lived in northern California. My parents too had moved away. I was now living in Utah. Only my older brother had remained behind. The lump grew larger in my throat as tears welled up in my eyes. I held back sobs of anger and pain. Why was I hurting? Hadn’t I dealt with these issues already? I walked back to my old bedroom and sat down under the window. I pulled my head down into my knees and cried. I could hear yelling and screaming in my head. Shouting matches between siblings and parents, brothers and sister, rattled inside my brain, making the pain grow. I sat there and cried. I hadn’t cried like this in a long time. Eventually I ran out of tears and tired gasps of sorrow and regret washed over me as a blanket of drowsiness enveloped me. I leaned my head back and fell asleep.
I woke up to the sound of footsteps. It took me a moment to realize what I was hearing and hurriedly stood up. Had someone followed me? I knew the police were patrolling the area sporadically. Had they seen me enter the house? I knew there would be a possibility of getting a trespassing citation, but I figured I could either talk my way out of it seeing as to how I was a former resident, or I could probably fight the citation in court if the judge knew why I was there in the first place. Ultimately, passing through the gate had been a calculated risk that I was willing to take for the sake of my art. I got up from my corner of the room and moved towards the door. If there was someone in the house, I needed to know. I didn’t want my gear to stolen, and if there was a cop in the house, I wanted to ensure I didn’t get shot.
I was greeted by the sight of a startled chubby boy standing on the other side of the door. His round cherubic face was crowned by a head of short curly hair. His hazel green eyes stared widely back at me. He clearly didn’t expect someone to be here in the house. His body recoiled in fear as he cowered back towards the hallway. “Wait, what are you doing here?” I asked as non-threateningly as I could. The boy muttered something that I couldn’t quite make out. “What did you say? I couldn’t hear you” I replied. “Are you here to rob us?” he timidly responded. “Rob you? What are you talking about?” I asked as confusion set in. “What are you doing here?” It was his turn to be confused. “Uh…I….live here?” he replied. “What do you mean you live here? No one lives-“I stopped midsentence. I hadn’t noticed in my initial shock but the room wasn’t the same. A familiar blue couch caught the corner of my eye. In front of that was an old console TV with a partially broken antenna hanging on the wall behind it. I walked further in to the living room to notice wood paneling on the walls. A large mirror hung on the wall to my left. Familiar yellow lamps sat on round drop-leaf tables on either side of the couch. A large hutch sat in one corner, a collection of letters and bills, mail advertisements, and a phone book covered scattered over it. “What just happened?” I asked out loud to no one in particular. I was thoroughly mystified by what my eyes were seeing. I had walked into the house from the front door and had stepped into an empty white room with slate floor tiles, but somehow now found myself in a furnished room with brown carpet that was all so familiar to me, yet was nothing but a distant faded memory. I turned to look at the boy still startled by the intrusion of a strange man looking wildly around the room in total shock.
“You can take what you want, just please let me go. I don’t want problems.” He stated his voice still shrill with anxiety. I blinked a few times as I tried to process just what the heck was going on. I gathered my thoughts as best I could and tried to reassure him. “Kid, I’m not here to rob anyone. I was just-“I shook my head “Where the hell am I? Am I having a dream?” I asked myself. “I must be dreaming. I’m just tired and still sleeping. This is all a dream. Yeah, that’s it.” I needed to sit down. Being back in the old house must have overtaxed my senses, I told myself. I’d having a dream about an old memory. I walked over to the chair next to the couch and sat down. I sunk into it and rested my head back towards the wall.
The boy kept his distance, but sensed I wasn’t there to hurt him. He looked me over with anxious curiosity. He stood at the far end of the couch, examining me while he played out scenarios in his head in preparation for a quick exit. “Why are you in my house?” he asked me. “Dude, this is all just a dream I’m having. I’m not really here.” He reached over to the couch and picked up a pillow. He reared his arm and threw it at me. It landed in my lap. “I don’t know, man. You sure seem to be here.” He said to me. I opened my eyes, startled. I looked down at the pillow he tossed and examined it. I ran my hand over the fabric and felt its texture. I remember this pillow. This was the pillow I would roll under my head as I lay on the couch and watched TV as a kid. A sudden realization hit me as I looked around the room with fresh eyes. No longer was I blinded by the fog of confusion. I knew exactly where I was.
I was home.
I looked at the boy still standing at the edge of the couch. I looked him over and realized who he actually was. I stared in disbelief as I smiled and tried to put him at ease. “It’s ok Johnny. I’m not here to hurt you. No one is going to hurt you. Please, sit down” I told him. I motioned to his end of the couch. “Who are you, and why are you here?” he asked me.
“This will be hard to believe, but I’m you” I said with an incredulous tone, “I’m not sure how I ended up here, but I’m here.” He looked at me as I had grown a second head. “That doesn’t make any sense. How could you be me? Did we invent time travel? Oh! Are we secret government agents with the CIA?”
I chuckled. “Wait, wait, wait. Let’s start at the beginning. I’m you at 38 years old. You’re…what, 11… 12 years old? It makes sense. I fell asleep under the window in my- our old bedroom. I didn’t come here on purpose or in a machine. And no, I’m not a government agent.” His face contorted to display understanding, disappointment and finally suspicion. His eyes narrowed as he leaned in towards me. “How do I know you’re really me?” he asked. I thought about it for a moment. How could I prove to him that I was who I said I was? A few seconds of silence settled between us. I stroked my chin, thinking of a solution.
“I have a better idea. Ask me questions that only you know the answers to.” “Okay” he responded. He glanced around the room trying to come up with something. His eyes fixated on the Nintendo sitting under the TV cabinet. “What game do me and Nathan have a map of?” I looked over at the NES. I hadn’t thought about this for years, but I knew instantly what he was asking. “YOU don’t have anything. Nathan is the one that made the map for Section Z” His jaw dropped. He tried to trick me, but his plan failed. He knew well and good that Nathan never let him play. It was always ‘I’ll let you play when I die’ or, ‘you can play when I’m done’. The problem was that he never followed through. Usually by the time Nathan was done, the NES was overheated, and the game would no longer load until it cooled down. By that point, it was time for bed.
“How do you know that?” he asked in astonishment. “I know these things because I’m you. Just like I know that you wear t-shirts to the pool because you’re embarrassed by what others will think of your body. I know that you used to think that people that die off in movies were prisoners that were set to be executed from death row, so they used them for making movies. I know all about you because I’m you”
Johnny sat on the end of the couch in bewilderment, his mouth slightly agape. He had never told anyone any of this. He didn’t have any close friends to talk to about such things, and those friends he did have were more acquaintances than friends. There was only one way he could possibly know these things. He was talking to his future self.
I could see Johnny’s mind completely explode. There lay endless possibility and the answers to a million questions he could ask about his own future. He started to ask a question, only to stop, close his mouth, and try asking another. I knew if he kept this up he would have a stroke or something. “Dude, calm yourself. Let’s talk this out rationally, otherwise you’ll end up stroking out or something.” I told him. He took a deep breath and I could hear him muttering quietly. I knew he was trying to form a coherent sentence before he actually spoke it. I did it all the time. “Ok, first of all, are we rich?” he asked with tempered expectation. I chuckled and grinned back at him. “No, not at all. If I was rich, would I be dressed like this?” I replied as I motioned to my beat up brown Vans and worn out jeans and T-shirt. “We-, I – make enough to get by. I’m not poor, but I earn enough to pay the bills.” His face grew a smirk as he commented “Yeah, I figured. What do I do for work? I mean, what do you do for work?” I thought about it for a second. I wondered how much information I should divulge to a younger me. I still didn’t think this whole situation was really happening, but if it was, I probably should proceed with caution. “Well, it’s complicated. I do a little bit of everything. You know how you’re constantly taking things apart? Let’s just say that it’s good to put them back together in order to keep them working. Take good notes on paper if you need to, and make sure you have a clean work area so you can keep track of all the parts.” He gave me a sheepish look. He knew exactly what I was talking about. I had spent countless hours sneaking dad’s tools to my room so I could figure out how something was built and try to figure out how it worked. I had gotten myself into some pretty bad trouble with dad over a drill, his timing light, and other stuff I had taken from his room. His belt had become quite familiar with my butt cheeks.
I gave him a knowing smile. “What else do you want to know?” He thought about it for a second. “Do we have a girlfriend?” I laughed, probably a little more than I should have because his face contorted into a sour frown. “You don’t need to be a jerk about it” he scowled. I continued to chuckle. “Yeah we have a girlfriend. We have more than a girlfriend” I could tell he was irritated with my vague indirect answers. I knew what he was asking. I remember the crush I had on my neighbor across the street. We had been friends since kindergarten, and had been classmates for 1st, 2nd, and 4th grades. We got along really well, and I knew from around 12 or 13 that I wanted to be her boyfriend. Unfortunately, things never progressed beyond the ‘just friends’ stage of things. It wasn’t from lack of effort on my part. We had just grown up together most of our lives that she didn’t see me as anything more than a brother and friend. “Dude, look. You just started to go through changes and you are starting to notice girls, but that doesn’t mean that you need to love every girl that shows you a little kindness or subtle interest. You need to slow down and let things happen naturally. You can’t force a relationship with someone.” Johnny pondered these words for a moment. I sat back and put my feet up on the coffee table. I looked around the room some more while I waited for another question. There was so much I had forgotten, but being back here had unlocked more and more memories that continued to wash over me. I was trying to hold on to my cool as not all those churned up recollections were pleasant. I stood up and walked over to the front door to peer outside the small central window embedded into the center of it. I could see the old neighborhood as I remembered it all those years ago. The lot across the street that served as a parking area for those that worked at the wheel works at the end of the block was empty of cars. I furrowed my brow as I thought for a moment. An empty lot meant it was afterhours or the weekend.
The gears in my own head started turning. “Wait, where is everyone?” I asked Johnny. Johnny turned to look at me still processing my last response. “Uh..oh, Mom and dad are out of town. They took a trip east this time. I think Rio said they are in Arizona right now. Rio and Nathan went out to get some food and to rent some movies from Video Showcase. Knowing them they’ll eat out first. Talia is staying over at Tia Rosie’s place today with her friends.” I grunted at his response. My mind was wandering as he mentioned Talia and Tia Rosie.
A sudden sharp pain pieced my heart. The pain of a thousand memories now unsealed spilled out from the box I had locked them away in. Tears welled in the corners of my eyes as I turned back to look at Johnny. He felt it too. He stared at the floor with an intensity that made me think it would burst into flames at any moment. I walked back over to him and sat next to him. He didn’t move. I placed my hand on his shoulder, and he threw himself into me. I could feel the tears dripping onto me as he sobbed intensely. “Hey man, its ok. It’s going to be ok.” I said as my own tears started to flow uncontrollably. I pulled him close and draped my other arm around him.
I knew the pain he was feeling. It was such a heavy burden, and I knew there was no one he felt he could talk to. I remembered it all so vividly. We sat there for what seemed to be an eternity. When we finally stopped sobbing, and our noses ran dry, we tried to breathe our way through to calmness. I got up and knelt in front of him. “Johnny, listen to me and remember what it is that I’m about to say to you. You are stronger than you think. You are stronger than you believe. NO ONE should ever have to go through this. Just because it happened to Talia, doesn’t mean you have to put up with it any longer. I know you didn’t think it was wrong, but I’m telling you that what she is doing to you is wrong. Talking to mom and dad isn’t going to make them hate you. You are not doing this to her, she is doing it to you. I’m not making excuses for her, but she is also more damaged than anyone realizes, and she is also dealing with the same level of pain you are. Remember that we do unto others what has been done to us. That doesn’t mean we need to continue the cycle of abuse” The lump in my throat grew immense at my own statement. I swallowed it as best I could and continued “You are going to deal with this pain a little bit at a time, and you’ll slowly get over this. It’s like a broken bone. When it happens, you don’t realize how bad the pain is until the adrenaline wears off, but then the immense pain is there. Just remember that this will pass. Just like a broken bone, you will heal over time, and one day, you will realize that the pain is gone and the bone is no longer broken. You’ll remember the pain, but it won’t hurt anymore.”
Johnny sat there in stunned silence. I knew he didn’t have anyone to help him through this. He couldn’t talk to Rio or Nathan about what was going on. Mom and Dad were constantly working to keep the family fed and sheltered and while they provided materially for their kids, emotional help was less available. Perhaps it was due to their energies being divided into 4 kids, a mortgage and multiple jobs, or perhaps it was also the culture of not talking about problems. Either way, they needed to know what was happening. They wouldn’t be able to fix it otherwise. “They’re going to be mad at me” he finally said after a few moments of silence. “No they won’t be. They love us all. I know you’re not used to hearing it, but they do love you. Everything they do is because of their love for us. This isn’t your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong. Telling them isn’t going to cause them to be angry.” I thought for a moment to find a good analogy. “You love Odie and Lady, right?” He nodded in agreement. “Ok, how would you feel if you knew someone you trusted was coming to the house and beating up our dogs when we weren’t around?” He thought about it for a second before his face changed to anger. “I’d want to kill them!” “Yes, but would you also feel sad that you weren’t there to try to protect them?” I reasoned. His face changed again. He understood what I was saying. Mom and Dad would be angry, but not necessarily at him. They would also feel a great sadness knowing that someone was hurting their child.
I smiled at him. He understood. I nodded. “Dude…You’re going to come to understand that life is not what you think it will be. Life is messy and can change in an instant. The plans you make today may not make it to next week. A lifelong goal can be derailed because of something out of your control. Mom and dad have spent their life protecting us with the goal of keeping us safe, but circumstances out of their control have affected their kids, and now we- you all have to deal with the fallout. Just remember that you are not the culprit. Yes, mom and dad will be hurt and angry, but not at you. Trust them. They don’t do things to hurt us” Johnny hugged me. I- He didn’t have many people he could trust and open up to. He liked to talk a lot about everything going on in his life, no matter how trivial. Everything, except this. This was a shameful topic, and he didn’t feel like anyone would understand why he didn’t go to an adult sooner. The problem was simple. He simply didn’t understand that it was wrong. Now that he had an adult that he could talk to, himself no less, he wanted to lift this burden off his shoulders. He was happy to have found someone and he hugged me tightly. I hugged him back just at tightly. It wasn’t every day that I could meet my younger self and help to comfort them. “Thank you” he said to me.
The world darkened, and everything faded to black.
I lifted my head out of my knees and looked around. I was sitting under the window in my old bedroom again. Had I fallen asleep? I pulled my phone out of my pocket and checked the time. I was emotionally drained and incredibly tired. I hadn’t had sleep like that in years. I got to my feet and looked around the room briefly before walking out to mom and dad’s old room. I grabbed my camera and slowly walked the house, snapping picture after picture. The only sound to be heard was the sound of the camera shutter and my soft footsteps. I thought about my dream as I took pictures.
Upon entering my room, a random memory hit me.
The stash.
I was pretty sure I had taken the hidden box when I moved out all those years ago, but since I was here, I should double check. Heading into the closet, I pushed the panel that led to the attic space out of the way and peered in. I couldn’t see anything, so I reached up there to feel around. The box was indeed gone. I felt around for a few more seconds and was surprised to feel what felt like a thick envelope. I didn’t remember leaving anything up there, but after pulling it down and giving it a cursory glance, I figured it was an old envelope of lost love letters. It wasn’t until I blew off the thick layer of dust that I realized what I was holding. It was a letter. Not just any letter. It was addressed to me.
Under the now semi-cleared layer of dust were the words “To be opened by future me”. I looked at it for a few moments before opening it. I couldn’t remember making this at all, much less storing it up in my secret hiding spot. If ever I hid something, it was in the stash box. My hands shook a bit as I started to open the envelope and pulled out the yellowed pages inside. I started reading.
"Dear Future John. I have spent the last few years remembering a dream I had when I was younger. Life was…difficult at that time, and I spent a lot of time escaping my reality by reading a lot of books and watching a lot of TV. On the off-chance that what I think is a dream really happened. I wanted to write some things down in an effort to give you my thanks. I merely consider myself a conveyer of thanks, although I will pile on my own thanks to you for your words of encouragement. I remember finding a stranger in the house one day while I was home alone. I was afraid he was there to hurt me at first, but after a few moments, I came to realize I was meeting myself. Well, I was meeting me, but from the future. I think he said he was in his 40’s, but I couldn’t tell you with any certainty. Either way, we talked. We talked about life, and what the future held in store for us…
Mostly though, we talked about the abuse. Well, Talked is being generous. We cried, and then we talked. I don’t remember exactly what he told me, but I remember how he made me feel. He made me feel safe. I felt like I could trust him. Trust myself. In the end, he gave me the courage to stand up for myself both at home and at school. He also gave me the courage to talk to mom and dad about what was going on between me and Talia. I do remember being afraid that I would be punished, but he reassured me that they wouldn’t, and that they loved me.
It was a difficult and awkward conversation, but in the end, arrangements were made for me to share a room with Rio and Nathan. I didn’t have much of a relationship with Talia for a long while, but after some years, we managed to patch things up. She apologized to me, and I came to understand the abuse she herself was subjected to by so-called family friends. She didn’t tell me this in an effort to excuse it, but to merely help give me closure to a difficult time from my own childhood. Mom and dad promised to be more attentive to us and we sort of established what I guess you would call an open door policy. We talk more about stuff that’s happening in our lives. Mom is much easier to talk to now. Dad is a little more patient with us too. I apologized to them for not coming to them sooner, and dad gave me a “nugget of wisdom” that I think I’ll live by: We can’t fix what we don’t know is broken. I’ve tried to make sure I talk to them when something is wrong, and I’ve tried to implement that in my life so I don’t have problems with other people.
I’m trying to grow up to be a good guy. I want to have good relationships with people. Nathan says I’m turning into a people pleaser, but I don’t necessarily see that as a terrible thing. I know when to say no to someone. Well, either way, I wanted to make sure I thank you for the help you gave us. I probably won’t remember writing this, but I hope I do find it again someday. Here’s hoping I turn into the man I feel you are. -John Age 16."
I stared at the letter, the words blurring as tears welled up in my eyes. I quickly brushed them away as I quietly spoke to no one in particular. “Thanks guys. I hope I live up to your expectations” I folded the letter, placed it in my pocket, and walked out of the room. After picking up my backpack and tripod, I silently walked towards the front door, my footsteps echoing in the empty house. I turned to look back at the empty living room one last time, and after a moment, I walked out.

Season 46, Episode 12: Mamma Bear
Aired: May 15, 2024
Synopsis: Castaways fight for their chance to win letters from home; alliances begin to crumble and individual plans emerge after players compete in a race of balance, speed and puzzle skills to earn immunity and a spot in the final five.
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I’ve never been more confused about who I want to draft. It’s changing on a daily basis almost, and sometimes more than once per day. There’s no clear tiers beyond Sarr, and there’s no perfect prospect.
Considering there are so many possibilities with this pick, including trading it, I wanted to organize my thoughts, then I figured I’d share it with you all.
These are the top 10 most considered prospects as far as I can tell from the chatter on Reddit and Twitter. These are in NO PARTICULAR ORDER.
Reed Sheppard (Combo Guard)
- Why he’s a Rocket He's the "Advanced Stats Darling" of the draft class, and addresses what is currently Houston's biggest need (shooting). Nice hands on defense. Showed out at the combine with "sneaky athleticism". Smart player and good passer.
- Why he’s NOT a Rocket He's undersized, at 6'2" with a 6'3" wingspan, weighing-in at 182 lbs. Despite being a bit of a menace in passing lanes, he gets blown by on-ball & will be targeted by opposing offenses. He only took 4.4 3PA per game in college, which is quite low for a 58% shooter. Will he be able to get his shot off in the league?
Stephon Castle (Guard/Wing Hybrid)
- Why he’s a Rocket Castle is a winning player with outstanding size & length for his position, boasting a 6'9" wingspan. He's the best POA defender in the class. Ime loves switchable players.
- Why he’s NOT a Rocket Wasn't much of a shooter in college, despite having excelled in the 3pt shooting drills at the combine. Unless we're confident he can develop a respectable shot, how do you add another non-shooter to this team?
Nikola Topic (Lead Guard)
- Why he’s a Rocket For one, his name is Nikola… Other than that, he's a 6'6" legitimate PG who has contributed to winning in Serbia at only 18 years old. He's a great finisher at the rim with elite body control and a talented playmaker who excels in the P&R.
- Why he’s NOT a Rocket He's not a shooter, and it's not certain what he could offer in an off-ball role. Houston would have to be committed to his role as a lead ball handler enough to relegate Amen to the wing, and it seems too early to give up on him developing a viable handle. Topic also has a knee injury history and is currently injured, so he may be difficult to evaluate.
Rob Dillingham (Lead Guard)
- Why he’s a Rocket He's twitchy and athletic with great handles, is probably the best playmaker in the class, and his footwork is otherworldly. Good finisher at the rim, even finishing through contact despite his size. Very good shooter with a lightning-fast release.
- Why he’s NOT a Rocket If Reed is undersized, so is Rob but arguably even more. Defense is questionable at best. Can be a bit erratic and has a tendency of overdribbling. Does his skillset overlap too much with Jalen Green? How many athletic guards does a team actually need?
Alex Sarr (Center)
- Why he’s a Rocket Size, length, mobility, rim protection, shooting upside - what more could you want from a prospect? He could play behind or beside Sengun. Great fit and probably the best prospect in the draft period.
- Why he’s NOT a Rocket He probably won't be available at 3, and it may not be worth trading assets to move up for yet another raw young player, despite the fit & ceiling.
Donovan Clingan (Center)
- Why he’s a Rocket A two-time NCAA champion, Clingan is a beast of a human standing 7'2" and 282 lbs with a 7'7" wingspan and a standing reach of 9'7". Maybe the best interior defender to come out of college in years, he could be the perfect yin to Sengun's yang, coming off the bench to take away the paint from opposing offenses.
- Why he’s NOT a Rocket Using a #3 pick to draft a backup to the team's best player could be considered a misuse of the asset. Houston is already fairly deep at center, with Steven Adams, Jock Landale, and both Jabari and Jeff for small-ball lineups. Clingan is also an "old school" center, and the league is moving to more athletic and mobile centers.
Kel'el Ware (Center)
- Why he’s a Rocket Measuring-in very similarly to Sarr, Ware is a lengthy lob threat who can defend the paint. He also shot 43% from beyond the arc, albeit on low volume. He's also not too shabby as a passer. Could be an incredible value in the 15-20 range in a trade-down scenario.
- Why he’s NOT a Rocket While he may have more tools than Clingan to be used in more ways, he's not nearly as dominant at defending the paint. There are questions about his motor & some compare him to Christian Wood. Taking Ware would also require finding the right trade partner - will the asset gained from trading down be worth it?
Zaccharie Risacher (Wing)
- Why he’s a Rocket Risacher is a lengthy 3&D wing who can finish and shoot (40% from 3). You can never have too many of those kind of guys in the modern NBA (so they say). Having another floor spacer could be helpful, especially one with a pro comp like MPJ. He plays in a Euro league, so he's faced tougher competition than any of the guys in college have.
- Why he’s NOT a Rocket With Dillon, Jabari, Tari, Amen, and Cam already on the roster, how do you find minutes to give this guy? His FT% is barely 70%, so is the shot real? Euro leagues don’t play many games, so there's a small sample size. He also may not be available, as many mocks have him going 1st or 2nd overall.
Matas Buzelis (Wing)
- Why he’s a Rocket With good handles & nice footwork for his size, he can create his own shot. Matas has one of the highest upsides of the class and pro comps like Franz Wagner are enticing. He's also a good shot blocker as a help defender, which could pair well with Sengun. If he bulks up he could probably play 2-4.
- Why he’s NOT a Rocket Matas is coming from the G-League Ignite, which doesn't exist anymore mostly because it was deemed a terribly broken development program. He shot very poorly throughout the season and plays with an aversion to contact.
Dalton Knecht (Wing)
- Why he’s a Rocket Quite possibly the best movement shooter in the class, Knecht can also score from all three levels. He's an NBA-ready 6'5" with 6'9" wingspan who shot 40% from 3 in college as the focal point of an SEC offense. With other scorers around him, his 3P% could get even better in the league. A late bloomer, Knecht's journey started in JUCO before going to a mid-major and then dominating the SEC his senior year.
- Why he’s NOT a Rocket He's 23 years old. His defense is sus, which seems to be mostly a matter of effort considering he aced the lateral movement drill at the combine. Is it reaching to draft him at 3? Would it be worth it to try to trade down a few spots, or not worth the risk? If he projects to be a role player for Houston, couldn't they simply find a floor spacer in free agency?