Hello! Ok, I F30 have never dated before. I was in 2 long term abusive relationships (I KNOW). First was from sophomore year of high school that lasted 7 years. The second was immediately after for 6 years. I have been single since August 2023 and didn't want to start dating or dating apps until Jan 2024. Fast forward I finally downloaded Bumble and had an instant connection with him M30.
Since we matched we went really fast. Ask for my number the following day, went on our first date that Saturday and second date in my apartments the next day and were pretty inseparable since. Now, it's been 3 months and he's done SO many 'boyfriend' things.. but he hasn't asked me to be his girlfriend. Do people now even use those titles? Is that something 30 year olds do? I have no idea. I have really quickly and easily fallen for him and I want to know where he is, but I don't want to scare him away. I just really don't know what to say or how to even start that conversation if it's one to be had. We made it clear to each other pretty much immediately that we are exclusive, but I don't know if that's enough for me?
Also... I do feel scared/ insecure because he is so established in life and has an amazing career making well over 6 figures where I live paycheck to paycheck and barely scrape by. I'm in school and have ambitions to be more, but I worry I might not be enough. We also come from completely different walks of life. He has it easy and comes from money, he has a past with drugs and alcohol abuse and again is currently well off and doesn't seem to have any real concerns. I on the other hand come from a harder upbringing, my mom was only 14 when she got pregnant with me, my dad was involved in gangs and didn't care to provide while my mom did everything she could to make enough money and continue her education (not important to the post but I am SO proud of her and all she's accomplished), I never did any drugs and didn't start drinking until I was 26, and again I live paycheck to paycheck. I have a good job and I am proud of what I do, I am in school with ambitions to change careers BUT I worry that he will want someone he has more in common with and maybe that's why we haven't had any other conversations on what we are?
I'm just in all honesty insecure he will realize he can do better - and he absolutely can - and just clueless on the dating world.

Hi guys I just need some help.
Recently I left my health profession due to constantly biases and putting me down due to English is my second language. Past 2 years I have been suffering from anxiety and I have managed to pull through this hurdle. I am in a phase where I am asking for a help and they refused. I were to stay in the same location they would have failed me regardless. I choose to let it go rather than suffering. People talk about me negative things.
In life I tried my best to be nice to people which I like to believe I am. Idk if this is my karma or I am just weak.
Just wanted to know what bagwaht gita/krishna ji says about all these.
I am big devotee of shree ram ji, radha Krishna, and hanuman ji.
Please help.

I’m looking for software engineering positions and haven’t had much success over the past 5-6 months. Looking for feedback on what I can improve or what I should change.

Hey everyone, I recently stumbled upon the app this past weekend and was actually quite impressed with just the simplicity of it. Little bit of background of how I may just decide to fully commit (In doing so prior to their promotion of the yearly membership ending tonight). I have both a Garmin (Instinct Solar) and an Apple Watch Ultra. I'm still torn between what to use day to day as far as tracking with either of the watches. Being in the military, we are almost always doing field operations and the last thing I want is my Ultra's screen to crack and have to worry about charging during extended exercises, hence why I have the Garmin to take the beating, having substantial battery life and better avoidance of GPS tracking on yourself (IYKYK). I had referred to this post Garmin vs Apple Health Data about using a Garmin with this app. Personally, I tend to lean more onto my Ultra just for the convenience, but I love Garmin Connect for how much information and data it shows you. I was a subscriber to Athlytic but stopped simply because it was a bit too much (if that makes sense).
Long tangent but my question would be for everyone, before I commit, what are some things I should really think about that makes Gentler a better alternative to Apple Health and/or Garmin Connect? As for someone who's constantly working out, whether it be the gym, running, hiking, walking, etc, I'm not much of a athlete by no means, but I do track all the workouts I do. I've also committed to cancelling my Strava Premium simply due to just not using it to its fullest potential. Cheers everyone.
EDIT Disregard previous post from DELETED USER (VERAGUCCI); that was my old account and I'm starting from the beginning again to get better usage out of this app.

I am honest with my closed ones because Not being is really harder and troublesome , and I think to have a girlfriend and be a liar tô her misses the point of even dating, but...
In other scenarios I pretend to be what they assume I should be, like pretending really hard .
Example: Job Interview last week, that truth is Not what they want anyway, and the least thing they want less tô hear.
Everyone sane knows HR Interview is like an exam of How much bullshit you can speak and hear without laughing. Convince someone you need this Job to save the world using the secret Power of an Excel sheet or whatever .
Lie that the project you did in college made your mindset Flip and Flop and say something inspiring about your previous experiences in workfields that are the same as this Will be If you pass the bullshit test :
Work, get money , pretend to Care about the Company (read any sideline of old news of the history of this shit and say something to make the interviewer think you know more than your occupation hás tô know) , make It seems because of this 5 min google you ARE really interested because you know something about the past dead owners that with honor destroyed a Lot of the climate.
After that, flush this information post interview because even the HR dont know this shit and If It knows It, was because it checked It at the time and for sure will forget It later.
Don't say you finish before the deadline to not be overworked and not overpayed, lie to your Boss everytime It is possible and fake a surprise If you get caught and overreact with fake apologies and fake sincerity assuming your mistake and own the mistake to pretend to be honest and say that Will never do It again.
Then he can feel the dopamine rush of having authority out of someone and Will like you as a pet subordinate, than keep procrastinating and be proactive only in the act of faking How much time and effort you took tô do something and say with conviction everytime and make pain faces to show How hard you ARE as a worker
If possible, shit on the office to have more time at home too
And while your mind is thinking this in the interview your mouth is saying shit like carbon footprint Control is the future and How you Will automate Random flux that you Will say Random numbers of % efficience knowing they dont know shit and you can look that shit after , at the same time, you can see in the corner of the window the Company cool and moderno with pingpong firing tóxic gas like brbrbrbrbr and you Will for sure make that shit Góes brrrrrrrrrrrrr
Say that you Will go to work in a bycicle and read Tolstoy as a hobbie to show them you are a good Nature protector and cult Man, never say that you watch Peep show.
After being rejected for Not having any experience sometime ago I lied really hard to have my First one, It worked.
This is my Third Job( was Not fired once) that I don't even know I say anything true other than my name , I thought LinkedIn was a circlejerk but saying bullshit doing the minimun got me offers one better than the other.
And I don't usually add those people to my circle of friends because I leave work at work because I don't Care for my colleagues , for me they are respected as human beings and shittalkers and I Hope they think of me the same way , I don't want to talk about work outside of work , I Just want money working the less I can and lying is the norm there anyway, people Just believe Their own lies and are chocked tô see someone saying It out loudly what they do and justify with a hidden Noble and inspirational motivation, I Just own It and say this tô my closed ones to laugh at this shit.
But this seems like a "wrong " thing tô do(homie girl Heard and was pissed) . If being honest is being unemployed why the fuck you would he honest ?
Lying like that makes the Boss like you so much that you dont even have tô be on tiktok dance of the company? How the fuck is this morally wrong?

Nine years ago, I met a guy at work and we connected so well, similar interests, goals and drive. We were both 22 and single then; now we are 31 and in relationships (I got married last year but didn’t invite him). I recently had a dream about him and that got me reliving all the good memories we had.
We used to work together, hang out after work and often on weekends too. Joined a running club, played sports, and eat out together like friends would. I caught mild feelings for him early on, but thought it was platonic on his end so I accepted it and began to truly cherish him as a best friend. I entered another relationship, it was short lived and ended in deep heartbreak for me. A few weeks later, he confessed his feelings for me and told me I was the first person he has fallen for, but I wasn’t in the right mindset and no longer felt the same. So I let him down gently without ever revealing my past feelings for him as to not give him false hope. Our friendship became a bit awkward, and I met my now-husband shortly after.
To respect his feelings, I gave him space, but it hurt deeply as I cherished our friendship, and I eventually left the company but we were on good terms. We stayed in touch sporadically and hung out once, but over the years, our contact dwindled. Now, it’s been five years since we last spoke.
I miss him and want to catch up, partly to see how he’s doing and if he’s happy. I’m very happy in my marriage and don’t want to stir up anything. Oddly, this has been bothering me so much for the past few weeks. I feel deep sadness thinking about him and our abruptly ended friendship. I think I might just want closure but worry about hurting him or impacting his life negatively if I do reach out. But it’s been so long and we are both in long term relationships. Secretly I wish we could go back to being platonic friends again as I have never met another person I connected so platonically with. Not sure if I should reach out but I feel I will deeply regret this and probably will never if I don’t do it now. Thanks for reading until the end.
TL;DR: Nine years ago, I met a guy at work and we connected well, sharing similar interests, goals, and drive. We were both 22 and single then; now we are 31 and in relationships (I got married last year). I recently had a dream about him, which brought back good memories, and I occasionally wonder how he’s doing. Despite my happiness in marriage, I miss him and am unsure if I should reach out, fearing it might stir up old feelings or impact his life negatively, but I think I’ll regret not trying to reconnect.

My Husband (31) and I (26) have a 2 year old daughter. I just started working in EMS two weeks ago and work 8am to 8pm. He works from 7am to 5pm, Monday to Friday. The deal was that I take care of her in the mornings and drop her off at daycare while he picks her up from daycare and takes care of her and puts her to bed because I won‘t be home till 8:40pm due to the travel distance to and from work. Well… that hasn’t worked out very well. I only work 36hrs a week, Tuesday to Thursday and come home every night. I also work for a non profit organization Mondays and Fridays for a few hours. Since i’ve started my EMS Job, i’ve been coming home to a wide awake toddler, happy to see me. I‘m happy to see her too, don’t get me wrong. I love her snuggles and all the kisses and love she gives me, I‘m crazy about her. But I have in mind how tired she is in the mornings and throughout the day. I struggle every morning to get her up, dressed, fed, and out the door, it’s not possible without tantrums. She needs more sleep than that in my opinion. I understand she wants more Mommy time but it’s not possible on those three days where I get home so late. I usually snuggle with her for 15 minutes before we get started for the day but it seems like she is a Mommy‘s girl and she can’t get enough. I‘ve asked my husband multiple times to call me on FaceTime so I can tell her good night and he just won’t. He just let her stay up till I get home and where I have to put her to bed almost an hour past her bed time and 30 minutes before I go to bed. She usually doesn’t fall asleep till 10pm, so also here 30 minutes past my bedtime ! I get up at 4:30am to prepare Dinner for him and her and after a 12 hour shift, I‘m drained! I understand he might be drained too and doesn’t want to deal with the tantrum she might throw, but is it fair towards me to deal with that twice a day? In the mornings it‘s easier to handle for me than in the evenings because she will eventually listen but at nights, I‘m too tired. I‘m also 18 weeks Pregnant, so that doesn’t make it any easier.

I know this has been asked several times. The answer seems to be to either use 'mv' or to send receive from a snapshot. I'm struggling with both.
I have the following volumes:

# btrfs subvolume list /mnt/gentoo ID 257 gen 879 top level 5 path home ID 258 gen 883 top level 5 path root 

They're currently mounted on /mnt/gentoo:

# mount grep gentoo /dev/nvme0n1p3 on /mnt/gentoo type btrfs (rw,relatime,compress=zstd:3,ssd,discard=async,space\_cache=v2,subvolid=258,subvol=/root) /dev/nvme0n1p3 on /mnt/gentoo/home type btrfs (rw,relatime,compress=zstd:3,ssd,discard=async,space\_cache=v2,subvolid=257,subvol=/home) 

I want to rename home to var, as I somehow screwed up during my build and mounted home under /var. as I understand it, I should be able to just do this:

mv /mnt/gentoo/home /mnt/gentoo/var 

Is that correct? If so, I keep getting this resource busy error:

# mv /mnt/gentoo/home /mnt/gentoo/var mv: cannot move '/mnt/gentoo/home' to '/mnt/gentoo/var': Device or resource busy 

even though nothing is using that volume:
```

lsof grep gentoo

```
If I unmount /mnt/gentoo/home, mv just moves the home directory, not the volume (which I'd expect). I can't figure out how to get past this. Can anyone point out what I'm doing wrong?
I tried going down the snapshot route as well. This is the first time I've used snapshots or send/receive with btrfs, so I'm sure I'm missing something here, but I can't figure out how to get the desired result. Eg., I create a read-only snapshot of home simply called snapshot:
```

btrfs subvolume snapshot -r home snapshot

```
I then send the data to the new destination:
```

btrfs send /mnt/gentoo/snapshot btrfs receive /mnt/gentoo/var

At subvol /mnt/gentoo/snapshot At subvol snapshot ```
But instead of creating a new volume named var, it writes the data to a subdirectory named snapshot:
```

ls /mnt/gentoo/va

snapshot ```
And the resulting volume is not close to what I'm trying to achieve:
```

btrfs subvolume list -a /mnt/gentoo/

ID 257 gen 879 top level 5 path /home ID 258 gen 880 top level 5 path /root ID 264 gen 879 top level 258 path root/snapshot ID 265 gen 882 top level 258 path root/vasnapshot ```
I'm looking for /var, not root/vasnapshot. Again, what am I doing wrong?
Would really appreciate any guidance. I thought this would be easy, but have been struggling for about 2 hours. About to just create the new volume manually and copy the files from old to new, but interested in learning how to do this the "right" way if possible.
Thanks.

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/Total_Cap_8129. She posted in AmItheAsshole
I added paragraph breaks for readability.

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. See rule 7. Latest update is 7 days old per the rules of this sub.

Mood Spoiler: sad but with good boundaries
Original Post: May 21, 2024
This is my first reddit post, throwaway. Also Englisch is not my first language.
My (53F) mother passed away 10 years ago and I inherited a few select items of jewellery from her. Those are things she cherished and wore often. I have been wearing her watch for the past 10 years, my sister (50F) holds a golden bracelet that she loves and there are three items left that me and my sister have been planning to give to my three daughters (20/18/18) to commemorate 10 years since her passing. They always knew this and were close to their gradma. There is also no quarrel about who gets what.
Enter my brother (48m) and his fiancée (38f) of two years. My brother is demanding one of the pieces for his future wife to wear. He claims we never involved him in any discussion as to what should happen to the pieces and we can’t just claim those to ourselves just because we are women. He says it’s very common for heirloom jewellery to be given to the daughter-in-law and he and his fiancée even cited Meghan Marke and Kate Middleton as examples.
Legally there is no case to be made, my mother left those items to me. I have politly declined their request explaining that I can’t let one of my daughters go without and that they were very close to their grandma while his fiancée did not know her. His fiancée is apparently distraught and claims we don’t see her as family. My father wants me to keep the items and give one to my brother so that all of my mom’s kids eventually get one item and I can do as I see fit with the rest. My sister kindly has offered up her bracelet.
I am torn. I don’t t want to antoganoize my brother and my sister-in law but I find my three daughters’ claim so much more valid. They have been looking forward to this for years. And I don’t want my sister to sacrifice her bracelet. If there were more pieces I would not hesitate to give something to her. It’s not a matter of money. I have offered other things out of my mom’s estate, they feel it’s not the same.
I am also taking into account that my brother was married to his first wife 10 years ago and despite having been close to my mother she got no jewellery either but was left two of my mothers’s watercolor drawings. I feel like my mother left those pieces to me with the intention of eventually passing them on to her granddaughters. Would she have subscribed to the „each child or each daughter plus daughter-in-law has to get a piece of jewellery“ logic she would have left something to my brother or his then-wife in the first place.
My daughters told me the would accept any decision I make but I feel it would be highly unfair to burden them with any involvement in the decision making. The choice is mine to make and I have to live with the consequences. According to my father they are debating to uninvite me from the wedding over this. I stand by my decision but It’s hard.. I was always on good terms with my brother and cordial with his fiancée.. so AITA?
Relevant Comments (OOP had over 100, so this is very narrowed down):
Commenter: OP, she doesn't want to feel closer to her new family, she wants to know that she can push your brother to get her what she wants, even at the expense of his relationship with all of you. It's a game she is playing now, before they get married, so she knows exactly how far she can push you all and what she can get her greedy hands on with a temper tantrum and some threats to exclude you all.
Tell your brother the legacy he received is two watercolor paintings his ex wife has, and he's welcome to chase her down for that if he feels so strongly about it. But your jewelry was a gift your grandmother gave to you, and it is staying with you until you give it to your daughters.
Friend, if you cave to your brother and SIL on this, you'll be handing shit over as long as their marriage lasts. NTA.

OOP: Wow.. thanks for the clarity and direct words. I am starting to feel I was in denial about how bad this really is.
It’s worth mentioning that my brother obviously received his own inheritance as well.
(to another commenter): Also he got a sizable inheritance back then and his wife got two original artworks.. those jewelry pieces are worth approximately $1000 each while my mother’s original artworks are valued $1000-$3000 (she was an illustrator) so the issue is really not me sitting on a $50,000 diamond ring while they received two worthless sketches.

Commenter: Your dad presumably still had items from his wife? He can give one of his treasures to her. You and your sister and your three daughters got one item each. Not up for renegotiation.

OOP: We already offered but she claims it must be jewelry so she can wear it on her wedding day.

Commenter: Since the brother and fiancee seem to want to make the decision, ask them which granddaughter they feel deserves to be deprived of her grandmother's memento, AND how they intend to compensate said daughter for her exclusion from grandmotherly keepsakes. Tell them you cannot in good conscience hand anything over to the fiancee unless they can give a reasonable answer to these questions.

OOP: My husband actually asked them that and their answer was they believe that the twins should share.. which is obviously not going to happen as long as I am here to prevent it.

Commenter: How does the SIL even know about the jewelry?

OOP: I planned to give it to my girls at a family dinner commemorating our mother’s birthday next month and gave everyone a heads up. That’s how she got to know.

Commenter: You have 3 daughters. Your mother left you 3 items. It's pretty self-explanatory. Your mother didn't have to spell it it out for you. She just left them with you for safekeeping. If that wasn't her intention, she would have given them to your dad. Plus your daughters had a personal relationship with your mom (THEIR grandmother).
You got the watch. Your sis got the bracelet. Your daughters get the other 3.

OOP: Thanks.. I feel exactly the same way. I can’t for the life of me see where my brother claims we should have involved him in any discussion concerning who gets what because in my view it’s absolutely clear who gets what. And since she left those things to me, it’s up to me to make the decision. She could’ve left them to anybody else, but she didn’t. What else am I going to do with three pieces when I have three daughters?

Commenter: Tell your brother to stick it. These are for your daughters / her bloodline. This is so entitled and ridiculous.

OOP: I actually don’t care so much about the bloodline thing. If my father were to die tomorrow and each of this children would get some beloved sentimental items I would be really pissed if my husband who is very close to him would not get anything. Plus, I really understand why she wants to have something to feel more connected to her new family, especially since she is estranged to her parents and won’t get anything from them to wear on her wedding day. The problem lies solely in the fact that I don’t have anything to give her without hurting other people. I will not prioritise her feelings above my daughters.

Commenter: Bet you the reason she is estranged from her parents is an eye opener if you ever find it out. Whatever she told you it was is BS.

OOP: I don’t know the reason, but I will admit the thought has crossed my mind. The fact that she is willing to blatantly ignore her nieces’ feelings and that wearing a piece of heirloom jewellery on her wedding day is more important to her than the girls’ connection to their beloved grandmother is a bit concerning to me.

Commenter: If she's trying to feel closer to your family, is there any jewelry that is yours or your sister's that could be given or loaned to her for her wedding day that isn't inherited from your mother?
Your sister and your daughters who actually knew and loved your mother should, of course, take precedence over someone who has only heard about her! NTA and your brother is being absurdly pushy.

OOP: We have now decided to pitch in together to buy something new for her to wear on her wedding day and have as a gift from the family. I hope she will accept this. I could also give her something from me as a loan but I feel buying something specifically for her would probably be better. It’s not that I feel she shouldn’t have anything and I would honestly offer to give her a piece if I had any spare pieces to give.

Commenter: NTA. Your brother is marrying a psycho. She’s never met your mother but is distraught that she can’t wear her dead MIL’s jewelry. You are correct, your mom left the jewelry to you and, as you stated, your mom didn’t even leave your brother’s wife (his ex) jewelry when she passed. Your brother and his fiancée are acting crazy entitled and you need to tell them no and that if they bring it up again you’ll have to excuse yourself from their presence. They are trying to bully you out of your daughters’ heirloom jewelry, their birthrites.

OOP: I can actually see why she would like to have something, we were all very close with mom and keep her memory alive and it’s tricky to enter into such a dynamic years later. I would give her something especially to wear on her wedding day (she is estranged from her parents) if I had anything to give but I can’t take away from my daughters to help her feel better.

Commenter: NTA - the items were left to you. No matter what happens in the future, your daughter's will be your daughter's. The same can't be said for your brothers fiance. That relationship could end, and then the jewelry wouldn't be part of the family anymore. If they were married when your mother passed, maybe I'd consider it, but they haven't tied the knot, so don't give her anything.

OOP: This has been brought up a lot but I feel I can’t in good conscience bring up the fact that their marriage might fail as an argument.

Commenter: NTA if your mom specifically left them to you. Y W B T A if you and your sister decided between yourselves to take all of the nice jewelry without giving any to brother. What about if/when he has daughters?

OOP: He was childless back than with no intention of starting a family and his first wife got an inheritance of her own and so did he. He was completely fine with us deciding what to do with the jewelry as neither him nor his ex wife were interested. The issue only came up with his fiancée recently. Had he voiced his objections ten years ago I would not have spent the last ten years preparing my daughters and the situation would be different. Also legally all items belong to me and I am under no obligation to share or discuss with anyone. I discussed with my sister because it seemed fitting.. again.. he was not interested.

Ask the first wife for paintings?
Asking first wife for her paintings might be an even harder no than the jewelry question honestly.. she received those paintings because she loved our mother and her art and she was a family member in her own right after replacing my mother as my disabled father’s full-time caretaker after my mother fell ill. I am not close to her anymore but I respect her and my mother‘s wishes enough to not hunt her down after seven years for what is legally and rightfully hers.
Update (Same Post): May 22, 2024 (Next Day)
Thank you all for your kind messages and advice, I would never have expected to get so valuable support and inside from strangers on the Internet. Thank you really from the bottom of my heart!
We came together with my brother and his fiancée after I had many of your replies to my husband and my sister. I stated clearly that I will support her in any way possible and that it’s very important for me to welcome home to the family properly but the jewelry is off the table because I believe I am fulfilling my mother’s wishes and I cannot hurt my daughters. I added that I believe that this is not the right way to join a family and that we should strive to resolve this conflict before it creates more tension between my daughters and their uncle and future aunt and also amongst us siblings.
At first, I thought my brother really saw my point and he seemed happy that we offered to pitch together to buy something for his fiancée. Unfortunately she is not willing to accept this. as some of you pointed out, she seems to believe that she ranks right beside my sister and me when it comes to our late mother and supersedes my daughters.. well.
She talked about her rightful place in the family and how she went no contact with her family because they denied her the respect that she deserves and that she will not hesitate to do the same with us. She also talked a lot about the pain of not being able to have any heirloom jewelry for her wedding. And honestly, I believe only a few days ago I would’ve given in presented with her tears but thanks to your kind words I was able to see through her emotional manipulation and really now that I am aware of what she’s doing it is so obvious..
I must say my brother looked very uncomfortable. She then stated that it would be a waste to give the pieces to my daughters since they would just sell them for the money to buy make-up wich is absurd. I ended the conversation at this point stating that I hold firm to my boundary and that they are free to do whatever they feel is the right thing for them.
I am heartbroken and I hope my brother will change his mind. So.. no happy ending but thanks again.
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: Thats great youve seen her for what shes really doing! Good luck to your brother because the fiancé sure sounds like a peach! Well done for looking out for your baby girls (I know they’re 18 but they’ll always be your babies!)!

OOP: They are capable and wise but they should not bear the consequences of the quarrels of others that they have no part in. And although I am heartbroken by all of this I can firmly feel my mother’s support in this as she put me in charge to protect what belongs to her granddaughters and daughters. Thank you for your support!

In response to a longer comment:

Thanks again.. I appreciate your encouragement. I hope their next move will be one of love and understanding but it’s hard to tell what they will do. While I don’t believe they are considering to physically steal the pieces from me, I have now given the two pieces meant for the younger girls to my mother-in-law for safekeeping at her house until the dust settles. She is obviously livid at the treatment of her granddaughters. The girls felt a lot of pressure from their uncle which is so heartbreaking.. my eldest on the other hand calls her future aunt a grifter and says she will not accept any change of plan to accommodate her so she will receive her piece as planned. She has also been looking forward to wearing it for a long time. I have no words really at this point.. hoping for the best.

​

I currently work in the fast food industry and have been working at the same location for the past 5 years. For context, I work at a Panda Express that operates in one of the suburbs of Chicago. I was hired when I was 16 years old back in August 2019; I worked part-time during the school year and full-time during the summer. When I started college in another state after graduating high school, I would go on temporary leave and return to the same location during wintesummer break. And each time I return I have been absolutely appalled about how our location keeps jacking up the prices, while the wages stay practically the same.
Here’s the breakdown (this is for the Panda Bowl btw), which consists of one side one entree because that’s the only menu item that I 100% remember the price when I first started back in 2019. No premium entrees are included; it’s just the standard bowl:
Bowl Price: August 2019- $7.02 after tax May 2024 (now)- $9.33 after tax
Price increase: 32.9%
Minimum starting wage: August 2019- $13.00 May 2024 (now)- $15.50
Price increase: 19.2%
The results show that the bowl prices at this particular Panda Express location have increased approximately 71.35% more than the increase in the minimum wage from year 1 to year 5. I find this statistic disheartening, and while I’m no economist and understand that it’s not realistic for wages to keep up with inflation on a 1:1 basis, it definitely seems like these differences are far too drastic and speak to the squeezes many workers are facing.
Two disclaimers:

1. I make more than the minimum wage at my location; because I return each year they’ve added on a bit more to my hourly each time. I currently get paid $17.25 an hour but I’m aware of the starting wage at my store since I’ve asked my new coworkers and my manager when I came back this summer. The increase from the $13.00 starting to my current hourly of $17.25 is actually more in-line with the bowl price increase (32.6% vs 32.9%) over the 5 years, but it’s safe to say that turnover is extremely high in retail and fast food and it’s not realistic to stay at the same garbage company for years.
   
2. I wish I could have the exact figures for each consecutive year starting from year 1 to make it a more accurate “case study,” especially since I’m sure COVID fucked things up, but I didn’t GAF about keeping track of all those prices back then, I was just trying to save up money lol. Feel free to lmk your thoughts below, and I’ll try to answer any questions if there are any.
   

1. Mystery: In a quaint coastal town, a retired detective discovers cryptic messages hinting at a cold case long considered solved.
   
2. Science Fiction: Amidst interstellar war, a spaceship's malfunction forces a diverse group of passengers to confront their prejudices and work together for survival.
   
3. Fantasy: In a world where dreams manifest into reality, a young artist grapples with the responsibility of her imagination and the consequences of unleashing fantastical creatures into existence.
   
4. Romance: On a remote island, two strangers find themselves participating in a matchmaking experiment that challenges their beliefs about love and compatibility.
   
5. Historical Fiction: Against the backdrop of ancient Egypt, a slave and a noblewoman form an unlikely alliance to uncover a conspiracy threatening the kingdom.
   
6. Thriller: A forensic psychologist must unravel the mind of a serial killer who leaves coded clues pointing to a personal connection with each victim.
   
7. Horror: In a haunted mansion with a dark past, a group of strangers gathers for a seance, unwittingly awakening malevolent spirits that feed on their deepest fears.
   
8. Adventure: A treasure map discovered in an old family heirloom sets off a global quest, testing the bonds of friendship and loyalty among a group of unlikely explorers.
   
9. Crime: In a gritty urban landscape, a rookie cop investigates a series of seemingly unrelated crimes, only to uncover a web of corruption that reaches the highest echelons of power.
   
10. Comedy: In a small town with an absurd annual tradition, a group of eccentric characters competes in a hilarious competition that turns the mundane into a sidesplitting spectacle.
    

Hi folks,
I was informed by my employer about my layoff and final day at work as April 3, 2024. They have also sent a letter and email about this communication.
But on my last paycheck which I received states the pay period only until March 29, 2024. (And I received this paycheck on April 12, 2024)
Now I’m confused, to when did my grace period actually started. Can anyone give insights if they had been in the same situation? If the grace period started on March 29, then I am already past 60 days 😭🤯
Any help is much appreciated

Hi, everyone!! The exam is already done and want ko lang magspread ng positive vibes specially since nasa waiting game na tayo. Reminder lang to please take care of yourselves and as much as possible do not dwell on our performance, God knows that we did our best with the time and circumstances that we have. The fact na nilaban mo ung 3 days ng CPALE means you already have a higher chance than those na inaccept nalang ung defeat. Lagi ko sinasabi na, let us not lose the game without knowing first if we are a winner or not, because the first step to winning is believing that you have already won. Cheer up!! Wala na tayong control past this point and everything else is already in the hands of the Lord.
In the words of Sir Nikko, "Our God is a just God" rest assured that he saw everything from the very start and knows the very purpose of why we are doing all of this to get that 3 golden letters after our name. Trust the lord, everyone and take the remaining days with love and gratitude. See you po sa oathtaking!! 🤍

Hello, I'm a FTM and I have a lot of anxiety raising a bilingual (English/Spanish) child. I'm English speaking (with a French language and lit degree, so I know the process of LEARNING a language, but I rather my child just KNOW the language vs learn it). My boyfriend is 1st generation Mexican where Spanish was his first language but he mostly speaks English now UNLESS around his mom who only knows Spanish. We live in an English speaking country, but I live where there are a lot of Spanish speakers.
I find it very important that my child learns Spanish to communicate with her dad's side, so she will start a Spanish immersion daycare when she's about 3.5 months old. I'm planning she stay at this group home daycare till she graduates Pre K. We also visit my boyfriend's side every other weekend. And he speaks a bit of Spanish to her at home, but honestly since I'm only a level A1 with Spanish me and him don't communicate between each other using the language.
My question is: Will 5ish years make my kid fluent enough to speak with her family? Especially if she continues to use it on and off throughout her whole life. She just won't use it as much though when she starts grade school where English will be used 90% of the time after that.
BONUS QUESTION: What can we do about teaching her how to read and write Spanish post Pre K? My boyfriend has never written formal Spanish and can only read grade level Spanish. I feel like with my French background I can help a bit with the grammar but overall I'm useless. Should we look into Spanish immersion charter schools to continue her language learning journey or let her decide when she's older if she wants to continue that path with Spanish? I mean my boyfriend just speaking it has helped us navigate Mexico with no issues so it's not a pressing matter if she learns how to read and write it I guess.

When we turn on the outdoor faucet near the front of our old 1914 house, there’s a VERY loud, continuous machinery-type noise like a loud engine, until the water is turned off. There are no problems with vibrations, noises, or sputtering on any other faucets in our house. No pipe in that area of the basement is visibly vibrating.
The only unusual thing going on at that faucet is that a large leak started there at some point since last summer. (I’m disabled so I’m giving you a secondhand report from the person helping me with this, who also knows nothing about plumbing, so I also don’t really know when the leak or the noise started.) It looks like the large leak isn’t between the hose and the faucet but is between what we think is an anti-siphon valve and the faucet. No idea how long ago that was added to the faucet. Not in the past few years.
The leak and the noise stop when the water is turned all the way on or off at the faucet. The leak and noise happen when the faucet is turned partially on.
My helper says the faucet itself vibrates when the noise happens. It’s possible the pipe leading to it does, too, where it is closest to the faucet. It’s hard for her to see.
The main line coming into the house doesn’t seem to be making any noise, and the pipe coming out of that that later makes its way across the ceiling and then to the faucet ism’t making noise either. Close to the faucet it may.
We use a hose on that faucet, but when we tried it without the hose, the same noises happened in the same way. We turn off the water to the outside faucets in the winter and turn them on again in the spring.
I’m going to have to have a plumber come put in a new faucet here and at the back of the house but if there’s anything I can do first to save money (fix air in pipes?) and if I could know a little before hiring a plumber I don’t know, that would be great. Our great plumber retired.
I would be so grateful for any helpful advice about this.
IMAGES:
OUTSIDE: yellow arrow points to where the leak in the faucet is.
INSIDE: red arrow points to the main pipe bringing water into our house. Yellow arrow points to the pipe that goes from there, across the ceiling where it goes out to the faucet outside.

Hi, you can call me Issy. I am brazilian and 22 years old. I don't know what to say here, but I am learning english, spanish and japanese, I love TTRPG, Counter Strike 1.6 and other games too!
My English isn't so good because I need practice and study more.
Feel free to dm me ;)

so my 1 year old son and i was outside the house when a bat flew past us it was only about 2 or 3 inches away it was very close i felt the wind as it flew by it was a fruit bat, i think, because the fruits on our mulberry tree and would also drop fruit pits on the ground, i am terrified of rabies, i have been for a very long time, i know i wasn’t scratched or bitten i also know that my baby wasn’t bitten but i’m worried scratches, i checked my babies skin thoroughly and i dont see any scratch but i’ve read somewhere that bat scratches can sometimes not be visible, i live in the philippines where there is no record of rabies cases that is caused by bats, not even one, but i saw some posts online where any type of encounter or exposure with a bat is high risk? i guess i’m just looking to find some reassurance or anything that could help, i’m really worried about my baby, he didn’t react at all when the bat flew past us , it was very fast (i was carrying my baby btw) i’m just terrified, i told my husband but he thinks i’m just being paranoid i told him we should get my baby rabies vaccine but my husband doesn’t like vaccines if not very necessary hope anyone here with more knowledge about rabies and bats can reply with some kind of info thankyou so much

I’m tired of Reddit I can’t even bring myself to check the mod queue anymore because truth be told I just don’t care anymore and that’s not fair to this community that I have cultivated so I am looking to hand off this community to a few likeminded individuals to oversee the day to day operations of this community.
If you think you’d like to take over the sub I ask you are able to fulfill all of these requirements:

1. Ability to dedicate ample time to moderator duties (usually not more than 10 minutes a day)
2. Speaks English and is fluent in English writing and spelling.
3. Has or had pet rabbits and can offer verbal support when asked about rabbits.
4. Open minded to outdoor rabbits and to the point that some people are not fully aware of proper housing and to be able to properly and politely offer alternatives to inadequate housing.
5. Understands the key differences between this subreddit and Rabbits and why we are not the same community.
6. A generalized understanding of the reddit mod tools.
7. At least 21 years old (sorry youngins you are just too capricious, I’ve learned the hard way)

If you fit the above criteria please send a message to the moderator mail.
Thanks.

My (28M) wife (27F) and I have been married for six years, and we have a 5-year-old son. I work as the CFOat my father's company, earning a substantial income, well into the eight figures. My job requires long hours and a high level of commitment. My wife is a stay-at-home mom, a decision we both agreed upon when our son was born.
Lately, my work has been more demanding because of a big project with a tight deadline. For the past three weeks, I've been working late nights and weekends. I know it’s been hard on my wife, but I thought we were managing okay.
Last week, after another late night at the office, I came home to find my wife visibly upset. She told me she feels like a single parent and that our son misses me a lot. She said she’s tired of having dinner alone with him and putting him to bed by herself every night. I tried to explain that this project is temporary and that things will get better soon, but she was too upset to listen.
The next day, she asked if I could reduce my hours or work from home more often. I said I’d see what I could do, but it’s not as simple as it sounds. Despite my high income, we have significant expenses and a lifestyle that relies on my current salary, and I can’t afford to risk my job right now.
Last night, things came to a head. My wife had planned a small family dinner for my birthday, but I got caught up in a last-minute meeting and came home late. When I walked in, she was fuming. She accused me of caring more about my job than about my family. We got into a big fight, with her yelling that she feels like a single parent and me trying to explain that I’m working hard for them and for our future. She didn’t want to hear it and went to bed angry.
The next morning, I woke up to find that she had packed some bags and taken our son to stay with her parents. She left me a note, saying she needed some space and time to think about our relationship. She said she loves me but can’t continue feeling like a single parent while I’m constantly at work. Adding to the strain, my wife is seven months pregnant with our daughter.
This situation is really weighing on me. I love my wife and son more than anything, and it hurts to see them unhappy. I try to make up for lost time by spending quality moments with them whenever I can, but I know it’s not enough. My wife feels like she’s raising our son alone, and I can see how exhausted she is. It’s not fair to her, and it’s not fair to our son, who misses having his dad around.
However, my wife also loves the luxury lifestyle my job provides. We live in a beautiful home, drive luxury cars, and enjoy vacations that many people can only dream of. She’s always told me how much she appreciates these things and doesn’t want that to change.
I’ve thought about ways to find a better balance, like delegating more tasks at work or setting stricter boundaries for myself. I feel caught between my commitment to my job and my commitment to my family.
Honestly, I don’t regret the choices I’ve made to support my family financially. I believe the sacrifices I’m making are necessary to maintain our lifestyle and secure our future. My wife’s current dissatisfaction feels like a temporary hurdle, and I’m confident we can work through it without drastically changing the way we live.
With the recent tension and her leaving, I’ve started to wonder if our values are too different and if this might lead to divorce. It’s a tough thought, especially with our second child on the way, but I’m beginning to think it might be the only way to find some peace and balance in our lives.
AITA for working too much and causing my pregnant wife and son to stay with her parents?

1st Rain’s Hand, 2E 500
College of Sapiarchs
As tensions caused by my father, Rilis XII (I’m not going to call him by his title) started to wane, the process of destroying his things had begun. My mother, High Kinlady Lorana is highly distraught over what happened during the past month. She wished that she would have known early enough to take action against him. Father had torn up my family to the point where we have to work hard to let people know that we are highly against necromancy. The Mages Guild helped by writing him out as one of the guild’s founders (I know you greatly hate the Mages Guild and see them as a threat, but you would be glad to know that they also hate necromancy). Firsthold will remain open to help the city heal. Hopefully my family’s reputation isn’t damaged beyond repair. While we are busy finding anything that belongs to my father that must be destroyed, I found this letter from my aunt, High Kinlady Curwafire crumbled and shoved in High Kinlord Torinaan’s sword’s scabbard. It’s slightly damaged, but still readable. I would like you to keep this letter to help showcase just how tense everything was to future generations in hope that such an event as this doesn’t happen again.

Brother, High Kinlord Rilis XII
Are you insane?! I knew that something was off in the past few years, from the ways your letters are written to how the people thought of you in the mere mention of your name! Don’t think that we have no idea what you have been doing! We know what you’ve been doing! As soon as rumors about you having a daedric “friend” started to float around, my son, King Hidellith started an investigation to see what is really happening. You like to think that we know nothing of what you’re doing, but you’re wrong, we know everything. King Hidellith told me everything that showed up in the investigation, and I promised him that I won’t tell you what we know until it’s time. It has finally gotten to the point that enough is enough! King Hidellith is starting to lose sleep because you are putting everyone in grave danger. This time, brother and I are not going to pull you out of trouble.
It saddens me greatly that the highly intelligent brave little boy had grown into a power hungry daedric worshiper. If mother were alive to see who you have become, she would die of a heart attack! Father would be extremely angry at the fact that you turned our ancestor’s castle, Castle Rilis into a daedric worshiper’s sanctuary where you can do who knows what without anyone noticing! Don’t even think about pleading for forgiveness. What was done is done, everyone in our family will no longer see eye to eye with you, let alone have any communication with you. You have gotten as low as any apraxic Mer could get, and no one wants someone like you on the throne of Firsthold. I really shouldn’t be writing a letter to you at this point!
C

As we all know, there was a short, but major battle barely a day after the letter arrived in my family’s manor. What happened before the battle was quite terrifying. When Rilis XII read the letter, he became very angry and summoned daedra to attack us. He was furious that someone had discovered that he had been working with Molag Bal. I was able to strike many daedra to the floor before all of us were captured and locked up in the manor’s prison. Father said that he would make us pay for exposing his plan. During the night, a scary looking daedra was guarding our cells, he would bang the cell doors and yell at us if we were to ever say a single word. It was a terrifying night and none of us were able to sleep. Mother was quietly sobbing while Kinlady Ayrsha and I were very quietly praying to the divines for our safety. Servants who didn’t die were forced to what they were told that night. Me, my sister, and mother are lucky to be alive as we were rescued the following day. King Hidellith easily fought the daedra that was guarding our cells and killed it. He explained to us that it took a combined strength of himself and High Kinlady Estolina to take Rilis XII down and contained. With Rilis XII stopped, he’s going to be locked up and strictly supervised in the Banished Cells for eternity. I hope that this event doesn’t give Molag Bal some ideas.
May Auri-El watch over us during this troubled time.
High Kinlord Rilis XIII.
[Here is an explanation on that family relationships between the characters here. Rilis XIII is Queen Ayrenn's second cousin, she wasn't born yet during the time of the incident. King Hidellith as we all know is Queen Ayrenn's father, is High Kinlord Rilis XIII's cousin. King Hidellith's mother is High Kinlady Curwafire is High Kinlord Rilis XII's little sister, second child of the family with their brother being the youngest. The mother mentioned by High Kinlady Curwafire is the second child of the High Kinship of Lillandril during the final years of the first era, she married High Kinlord Rilis XI. High Kinlady Estolina is the high kinlady of Lillandril, High Kinlord Rilis XIII is her brother in law through her brother's marriage with Queen Ayrenn almost a century later. I hope this is simple enough to understand. If you are wondering how the heck I'm able to keep up with this craziness, I have the family tree set up on a family tree website, Family Echo. There are other high kinships within their family tree, but let's leave it as is here.]

I think my only option is to completely resign as a stepparent. I desperately need advice about sustaining a marriage with polar opposite parenting styles, & how to deal with teenage boys with no manners or basic hygiene.
There is a lot of background here I will try to keep as to-the-point as possible. I am 34 with a 10 year-old daughter. My husband is 39 with a 15 year-old son. We each had kids at 23. We are 5 years apart, as are our kids. We were also friends for 5 years before “courting” & built a strong bond of trust already, so yes, we courted. I had rejected him a few times over the years, as I was abstinent after a toxic relationship & did not want to repeat the same patterns. Over the covid lockdowns, we started talking, texting, facetiming more than ever. When he asked me out again, I told him I was not interested in dating without the ultimate goal of marriage, to which he said, “Good. I don’t want a girlfriend, I want a wife.” 3 months later, we became engaged & our marriage is truly amazing & fulfilling in so nearly every way except one - my daughter & I, some of the most playful & outgoing outdoorsy girls you could meet, have no idea how to connect to his son. And there is nothing to make me think it is worth even trying anymore.
Miraculously, husband & I both get along extremely well with our co-parents. I could not see myself with someone that doesn’t. Neither of us have court orders or child support or rigid schedules. My daughter’s bio dad is one of my best friends, & I made very clear that a relationship with me means respecting his role. He said the same of his son’s bio mom. I come from a very blended family in which this is the ideal. My parents were at each other’s weddings & all get along & still get together. Our own coparents attended our wedding a year & a half ago. And that meant the absolute world to me & hopefully if not now, someday our kids.
For sure, my husband could not be a better stepfather. He & my daughter share inside jokes & their own games & pranks. She has her own nickname for him & will run to him & hug & climb all over him. They convinced me to add baby goats to our homestead, & have been tending to & bottle-feeding them both, a beautiful connection & commitment to share. He says, “She makes it easy.” And to put it lightly, his son does not - but I am absolutely not allowed to talk about it without getting ridiculed.
I first met the son when he was 13. Overweight, awkward, all of his hair in front of his eyes. He then retreated to his room. I know him to be the exact same now. He is 6’0 & I think over 200lbs, larger than my dad. He defaults to locking himself in his room. Unless asked to help stack wood or play a game with the rest of us, he only emerges to use the bathroom (in which he never brushes his teeth or washes his hands), or ask his dad for food - of which, he literally only eats yellow rice & chicken. He will otherwise smash an entire bag of “Takis” or flaming hot Cheetos at 10 AM & continuously throughout the day as they are available to him. He plays live multiplayer games from morning often to midnight or 3 AM, with my daughter’s room right next to him, where I blast the fan & AC & ocean sounds to drown him out. Calling this out seemed to be calling stepson out personally, so all I can do is adapt. Daughter thankfully likes it cold.
I have tried to be as soft & supportive in airing my grievances to husband, but they are never taken with grace or accountability. I am not perfect & have definitely been passive aggressive with his reactivity, as he takes my issues as insults rather than something to work on. He casts blame on bio mom or Covid, & now me. “I don’t know what goes on at bio-mom’s house, we moved an hour away & he gets carsick! I’m out of his life!” “It’s because he was stuck inside for 2 years!” “Are you sure you didn’t HEAR him say hi?” “Good news, I’ve been living with him 15 years, never sanitized a doorknob in his life, & I’ve been fine!” “I wouldn’t want to leave my room with you criticizing his every move either!”
Our first night in our new home for example, was a nightmare. My hand lotion moved from the bathroom counter to the back of the toilet - so then into our room immediately. He left the toilet seat open & my razor covered in pubes. He left open bags of chips with crumbs all over the counter. “It’s an adjustment, it’s hard on everyone!” Husband said over & over. This was an understatement, being that my daughter has been raised to ask for anything from snack time to screen time always with “please,” “thank you,” & we eat out of bowls that we put in the sink rather than stack in our room with soda cans & candy wrappers.. I am familiar with the saying, “Living room kids come from healthy families. Bedroom kids do not.” Daughter is a living room kid. Stepson is a bedroom kid. Either way, I had never had personal items used without asking &felt extremely violated by stepson, then upset that husband blamed me for it instead of understanding where I was coming from.
This remains true nearly a year later. My husband has started lashing out while drinking the past few months, accusing me of “HATING” his son, which is extremely hurtful as I do not harbor any hate in my heart for anyone. What I disdain is the way he is raising his son under our shared roof & living spaces, & that he refuses to acknowledge or communicate about it. As things were not greatly improving, I personally had a talk with stepson about basic manners. I said, “When you enter this house without a greeting or making eye contact, it is an insult. It comes off as rude & entitled & I don’t like feeling like a ghost in my own house. This is your house too & I want you to feel comfortable. But you can help me feel more comfortable too.” “Yeah, okay. Sorry.”
I have truly never had a real conversation with this kid. He does say “hi” & “bye” & the occasional “thank you” now. At this point, it is abundantly clear that he does not want me in a step role, & neither does his father, & neither does bio mom. So it seems I have no choice but to let it all go & suffer bad manners & hygiene, silence, & now bitter resentment from husband.
What I have observed is that I actually“coparent” with my daughter’s father. We coordinate around each other’s schedules, we make decisions together, we communicate about her physical, emotional, spiritual, educational, & social wellbeing. Husband & bio mom do not. They parent in isolation & simply let the other do as they please, which has resulted in a child without manners or discipline. This has led bio mom to put the kid on PROZAC without husband’s consent. This horrified me, as someone who only goes to the doctor for stitches. My daughter’s doctor is the naturopath who midwived her in the bedroom she still sleeps in at her father’s house. I understand not everyone is as holistically minded, but I begged husband to get him to a nutritionist first. The child is obese & malnourished. But too late. Bio mom did as she pleased without communication, which seems constant among them.
I have not shared my views as I know they are not welcome. Bio mom is medicated, her other 10 year-old son (deceased dad) is medicated, & now teenage stepson is as well. Husband blames our distance from him which feels like an indirect blame on me, as we are closer to my community & business as husband works from home. But truly they live in the ghetto, & I have always lived on the coast & barely like to drive through those inner cities. I set up a high school tour for them here which is one of the best schools in the state with a tech program I thought stepson would love, but he chose to stay with his friends, in one of the worst schools of the state. He incredibly won class president, though has dropped a bunch of honors classes & continues failing others.
My birthday was last week. When my husband asked what I wanted, I said baby back ribs & family. I just wanted to grill & chill due to an insane work week. I run a housekeeping business & worked for 24 hours in 3 days opening up for the summer rental season. I did not want to go crazy hosting & knew I would if we invited friends. “Are you sure? You wouldn’t be hosting, I will be! You don’t have to do a thing!” He emphasized over & again. So when a friend ended up visiting from out of state, I was ecstatic to invite her & our mutual close friend to BBQ with us. They are single moms with 4 toddlers between them & wanted to camp on our land.
We had a great day grilling & running the sprinkler & feeding the animals. Husband had promised stepson would be outside with us all day. Toward the evening, I asked where he was. “Do you see any other teenagers out there? What’s he supposed to do?” I was hurt. “Well I don’t see any 10 year-olds either, but [daughter] is still out there, & you actually said he would spend the whole day with us. I just want some time all together.” Husband knocked on his son’s door & said, “Hey it’s her birthday, it’d be nice if you come out & spend some time with us.” Then he did, & even if it was just a quick basketball game with his dad & he introduced himself to no one, it still meant so much to me.
So later when we had helped friends & toddlers set up a tent & fire in our woods, I hugged husband & thanked him for bringing stepson out with us, saying family time was all I wanted. “You two have such a healthy relationship,” my friend says. At the time, it uplifted him & he said he loved this friend to death. A few hours later, he said it was “hilarious.”
We had invited stepson’s mom, but she was out of town. My coparent joined us however, & he & husband stayed at camp with the moms & toddlers while I went to tuck daughter into bed around 9. We played some trivia to unwind, said a prayer, & I kissed her good night & went to start the dishes. Husband & coparent came back around 11 when I was ready to go to bed myself. They were suddenly on a completely different level as my slow & steady beer intake. Both their legs were gashed & covered in blood from their hike without a flashlight, which they thought was hysterical. They were loud & silly like, “You can’t go to bed, it’s your birrrfday!” & I realized, ah. They were drinking my girls’ tequila.
Coparent went on a drunk spiel thanking me so much for all the love I am, how I keep the family together, this & that & showering me with slurred praise. Husband was drunkenly yet enthusiastically agreeing & thanking me, saying I was the best. I tried staying up with them to be polite but they were so deep in conversation on a different level that I went to go make the baby goat formula for their 5AM feeding & go to bed. But I couldn’t find their bottles. I raised my hand with the men, gradually higher & higher to ask husband if he had seen them. “I see you have your hand raised, but hang on, let me finish this point,” coparent said. So husband finally noticed, & I cut in anyway asking if he had seen them. “As a matter of fact, no, YOU fed the goats last so I have no IDEA where they are,” he raised his voice, literally pointing a finger at me.
That suddenly spiraled into another drunken heated accusation of how much I hate his son. I started crying & saying all I wanted was for him to be with us today & that I was grateful he brought him out. He fought me saying they can never have a good weekend because of me, called me an “@$$hole,” & said “F you ,” 3 times in a row, upsetting me so much as there was absolutely nothing I could say, to the point I slugged him in the arm to get him to stop. This has happened twice before embarrassingly with alcohol, when he just yells & yells things that are not true & curses at me that I can’t even respond vocally. “You see how she treats me?!” Both men of course freaked out & coparent started yelling at me to listen to husband. This essentially turned into 2 hours of incessant berating from both of them. They both cried during their own tangents. It spun out of asking for baby goat bottles & continued til 2 AM with, for the first time, continual threats of divorce.
“You are not in this relationship & do not need to mediate it,” I told coparent.
“Like it or not, I am! How you treat husband affects all of us! His feelings are VALID & you need to be quiet & listen to him!” he said.
“I’ve heard this all before & it is simply not true! I do not hate stepson & he wants to divorce me because he thinks I do!”
“Emotions causes us to say things we don’t mean, he does not want to divorce you & knows you don’t hate him,” coparent said.
“Oh no, I DEFINITELY believe she hates him. And if I have to spend the last 4 years of his youth with my son being constantly criticized, I will absolutely divorce her!”
“I did not criticize him once today! I never criticize him, I am trying to help us become a functional household!”
And he just went round & round in the same circular aggressions that can only hear themselves. I continually begged for them to stop yelling as daughter’s window was open, the baby goats needed sleep, our rabbits didn’t need that stress. But I got yelled at more for that. “You can’t control passion & you need to sit down & LISTEN to your husband!” Coparent kept insisting. But I had heard it all many times before. I even tried to sleep in the goat pen, trying to settle the poor babies, still hearing the men raise their voices about me, how being critical was just my nature, & then got yelled out of there.
Around midnight, I tried to resign again & go back inside to finish dishes when stepson emerged. “Do you know where Dad is?” “Oh he’s outside, you can probably save him from [daughter’s dad].” He went into the bathroom. So I poked my head out while they continued bashing me & said, “Stepson needs you.” “I’ll be right there.” I went back to the dishes. Stepson comes out of the bathroom. As always, flushes, no faucet (or hand-washing). “He says he’ll be right there sweetie.” No words, back into his bedroom. 10 minutes go by & still no husband as I continue the endless dishes. I poke my head out again. “Did you not hear me? Your son needs you.” “ALL RIGHT!”
Turns out he needed dinner. Despite a huge spread of barbecue & potatoes & corn & pasta & salad & veggies & dips, stepson touched none of it & needed his chicken & yellow rice. So husband literally cooked him dinner at 1230AM, all the while continuing to accuse me of hating him whilst doing so.
Coparent authentically apologized the next morning on the phone. “You screamed at me for HOURS when I was ready for bed to listen to falsities I have heard over & over without ONCE trying to hear me.” He got it. He humbled & admitted specific wrongs & I accepted his apology.
“Sorry” does not seem to mean anything when you throw around the “D” word like that though. Husband pledged to stop drinking. To his credit, 3 days later, he still hasn’t. But when I said, “If you think I am capable of hate, you don’t know me at all,” the best apology he could give me was, “I’m sorry, I don’t think you hate him. But I know you don’t like him.” Then, “I don’t want to divorce you. I feel like I ruined our entire lives in one night.”
I told him that this is going to take more than “sorry” to heal, especially where blame is still cast, & he will have to “show” me. I don’t even know how, through more conscientious parenting? We haven’t slept in the same bed in 3 nights. I haven’t cooked for him, but I still clean after him. We finished some homestead projects in near-silence together.
I think I must resign to being the invisible ghost stepson makes me feel like. Do I have ANY role here but to resign & accept his parenting & continue mine with my daughter alone, while he reaps the benefits of an amazing relationship with her? Isolation parenting just like with stepson’s biomom ? If not for my daughter & our animals & gardens, I would just want to lock myself in a room all day too. But that’s what is so hard for me to get. We have nearly 30 acres & this child is permitted to be a blob on a screen living on empty calories all day & night. I cannot & will not blame a child for anything. I told my husband that when a plant isn’t thriving, you nourish it & improve its environment. He said he didn’t get it. And as deeply as I love him & don’t want to even think about divorce, I have never been so unattracted to him.

so my 1 year old son and i was outside the house when a bat flew past us it was only about 2 or 3 inches away it was very close i felt the wind as it flew by it was a fruit bat, i think, because the fruits on our mulberry tree and would also drop fruit pits on the ground, i am terrified of rabies, i have been for a very long time, i know i wasn’t scratched or bitten i also know that my baby wasn’t bitten but i’m worried scratches, i checked my babies skin thoroughly and i dont see any scratch but i’ve read somewhere that bat scratches can sometimes not be visible, i live in the philippines where there is no record of rabies cases that is caused by bats, not even one, but i saw some posts online where any type of encounter or exposure with a bat is high risk? i guess i’m just looking to find some reassurance or anything that could help, i’m really worried about my baby, he didn’t react at all when the bat flew past us , it was very fast (i was carrying my baby btw) i’m just terrified, i told my husband but he thinks i’m just being paranoid i told him we should get my baby rabies vaccine but my husband doesn’t like vaccines if not very necessary hope anyone here with more knowledge about rabies and bats can reply with some kind of info thankyou so much