Hi our vet is closed. Please tell me if I should be worried about him doing this? I’m unable to add a video so I’ll describe it. He suddenly started snorting hard in bursts of 2-4. He then recovers but it comes back. It looks like it’s affecting his whole body. I wondered if he was trying to vomit but nothing came out.
He has no known medical conditions or allergies. 2 years old, neutered, 6kg. Thanks for your advice.

Almost two years ago we lost my brother to fentanyl poisoning. Ever since I was a teenager we both always smoked weed along with snorting blues together for a solid 8-10 years. When the pills became too expensive I went to heroin & he went to Suboxone. He never messed with the hard drugs & often was very judgemental about me being a full blown junkie. Like most brothers we had our ups & downs, fought over BS all of the time, but at the end of the day we both had each others back to the fullest. He truly was my protector, my best friend, all around an amazing big brother. Late 2021 I actually got clean using Suboxone but due to some bad events I started using again late spring 2022. My brother was still on Suboxone, up to 3 a day. Well early July about 2 days after his birthday he lost his insurance causing him to experience terrible Withdrawals. I saw how miserable he was which made me feel terrible, so I ended up going to him asking him if he wanted something that would stop the withdrawal, he totally knew what I was offering & he immediately said yes please. So I put literally maybe three little crumbs of FET on the foil, showed him how to smoke it & after one hit he was automatically better. But at the same time he definitely loved how it made him feel. Very soon after it was like the Old Days. We'd hustle then throw in together so we both could get high. I had always expressed how dangerous it was always reminding him to be extremely careful, to always let me know each time he was going to get high, which he did. He was ALWAYS careful every time. Then, July 31st around 10pm after all day trying to find some dope I finally found some, but this batch was different. It was WAYY stronger. After getting back home (we both lived with our parents) we split it up. After i hit it first I could tell it was gonna be the strongest he ever had which made me remind him to keep taking tiny baby hits. After we split it up, he went to go back upstairs to his room, then before he walked out my room he asked if I could cut his hair which I said yes. Then he responded I will come down within 30 to 45 minutes. I said cool see you then. Little did I know that was the last time anyone would see him alive. After about an hour I went upstairs to his room & heard him snoring so I thought he had passed out, which looking back now what I heard was the death rattle. As I went back downstairs, I had this weird feeling consume me, like I was being told something but I ignored it. A little after midnight I went to his room again, heard nothing. Tried to go in but it was locked. I kept telling myself things like "he's fine stop tripping" but at that point of time it felt like I had a fire in my soul I couldn't ignore it any longer. So I go outside around to where his window was, when I looked into his room he was laying face down in his bed. I ran fast as I could to grab narcan, then forced myself into his room. When I turned him over he wasn't breathing, he was grey & he was cold. After administering the narcan I went to wake my parents up telling them "Billy overdosed". Im not going to go into detail with what happened next because it really fucks me up still, but 2 days later he was declared brain dead. I absolutely HATE myself over what happened. Seeing how broken my parents are just completely tears me up. Idk how to stop blaming myself, idk how to properly grieve, I really need as much advice as I possibly can get. Thanks.

Boys: Justin, Ripper, Topher
Girls: Anne Maria, Jasmine, MK
Episode 19: The Princess Pride
"Last time, on Total Drama Action! Just when the cast thought they were safe, I swung in to surprise – I mean, antagonize them."
"The cast were forced to use their creative sides while showing off their back sides. As they made superhero costumes out of spandex. And...some other junk. Nice tights!"
"Of course, they were foiled by the diabolical Pythonicus, evil alter-ego of the villainous Chef!"
"In a fight against evil, the cast proved they could be heroes. And also, loooseerrss!"
"In the end, the most diabolical of them all was MK, who twisted things in order to get Chase eliminated."
The recap footage ended, and the scene flashed to the control tent where Chris was waiting with a smile. "Will the Gaffer alliance recover from Chase being gone? Will Anne Maria and Topher keep going out?" he pressed a button on the keyboard to his side, causing a picture of the couple to appear on one of the screens behind him.
"Maybe you'll find out right now?" he shrugged impishly as the scene changed again and he walked towards the cast trailers. "Maybe you won't? On another, totally dramatic episode of," he stopped in his tracks and the camera zoomed out with each further word, "Total! Drama! Action!"
(Theme Song)
The episode began with, of all things, a close-up of some brown and beany mush plopping onto a plate. The camera panned up to reveal its source as burrito beans in the hands of Jasmine being put together. Shots of Ripper, MK, and Justin also showed them making burritos as well.
The camera zoomed out to show the four constructing burritos on the table next to the tent's entrance while Topher and Anne Maria were at the other table, the former overseeing the quartet as he stood on the table and the latter simply applying lipstick to her lips.
“Ten more seconds, guys! The biggest burrito wins!” Topher declared and looked at Anne Maria. “Do you think I'd make a good reality show host?”
Anne Maria put her lipstick away. “Can you excuse me? I'm working on my facial features,” she said.
“But you already worked on yourself in the morning,” Topher said.
“You'd do the same if your hair was lookin’ messy,” Anne Maria retorted.
“Touché,” Topher pulled back.
“And time is up, folks!” MK informed everybody with her watch.
"Ripper, what do you got?” Topher asked the burly boy.
“Allow me to demonstrate my beefcake burrito!” Ripper held up his plate - his burrito has no wrapping and simply consisted of beef shaped into a cake. “I actually managed to make a cake out of beef.”
“How interesting,” Topher observed after getting off the table. “Jasmine, how about you?”
“These are my twin burritos!” Jasmine said with a plate that had two burritos tied together with an elastic rubber band.
“You actually wrapped your burritos?” Topher inspected heavily.
“Of course I did,” Jasmine nodded. “Twins are sometimes inseparable, and it's a good thing that these burritos aren't Siamese, otherwise they would have tried to eat one another.”
Topher laughed at her quip. “Points for that quip,” he said and made his way over to MK. “MK, how did you manage to make your burrito?”
“I am proud to present the MK Whopper!” MK took her burrito out from under the table and presented it - the burrito was shaped to look like MK with the beans as the body, wrap pieces as the hat and clothes, a sliced piece of tomato as the mouth, and pieces of beef as the eyes.
“The burrito is self-serving, but quality effort regardless,” Jasmine commented.
“Quality? Check out the guns on these beans,” Justin objected as his leitmotif played and he whipped out his burrito shaped to look like a flexing bicep. He even flexed his own bicep and moved his eyebrow in order to impress the contestants, but they were unfazed. “Nothing. You feel nothing?”
“Nope,” Jasmine shook her head.
“I was never once into you, Justin,” MK added as well.
“Man, this scratched schnoz has destroyed my looks and my life!” Justin moped. “Why?”
“MK, your self-art and ego is unsurprising, but you did make the biggest and best burrito, so you win,” Topher told her.
“This isn't right,” Justin protested and was now out of his seat. “I demand a second neutral opinion.”
“I'm no doctor or anything, but we all have reality-show-itis, and it's making us turn things into a challenge,” Anne Maria spoke up.
“I'm not sure if that's a thing, but I can't help myself when this day is bland and boring,” Topher said.
Confessional: Justin
“When my good looks went, so did my winning edge,” Justin told the viewers. “But some people are still managing to kick butt, and they're not nearly as good looking as I am!” He paused to think about what he said. “Okay, as I was.”
Confessional Ends
Justin was now sitting next to Anne Maria. “You know, you're the only one taking the game seriously. I just wish I knew how you did it all. It's so inspirational.”
“I'm just playing the game the best I know how,” Anne Maria said. “And it's not by sabotage like Scott did to me.”
“Scott also sabotaged my chances in the game as well,” Justin continued. “Hey, we have something in common.”
“Yeah we do, now go away,” Anne Maria ordered. “I don't know if they'll be a challenge, and I'd like to relax in peace.”
A few off-camera footsteps gave everyone pause, and they looked towards the room's entrance as the shot moved to a side-view of the room. Chef Hatchet had entered wearing a faded purple Medieval-styled costume, complete with a simple horn bearing a flag marked with a simple black-and-purple shield.
He blew a few awkward notes, then the camera moved in for a close-up as he made an announcement. "Hear ye, and rise! For Sir Chris!"
"Sir?!" Jasmine repeated with disbelief. "This Bruce's ego is fussing me to heaps!"
The shot moved back out to show Chris McLean riding atop the same decrepit-looking horse that had been used for a much earlier episode. He was wearing a knight's helmet and holding what looked to be a boot made of glass, and dismounted once Chef laid out a small rug for him to stand on.
"Hold on," Topher said slowly. "Glass slipper. Medieval stuff. This must be a Fairy Tale theme!"
"Topher," Chris said with stern annoyance, "if you ever steal my intro again, I'll have to personally boot you off the show."
"Hey, you can't do that!" Topher protested. "You brought me onto this show!"
"This boot," Chris said happily, "will determine the Princess for today's Fairy Tale movie challenge! The rest of you," he added as the camera panned across the tent from right to left, "compete for the honor of rescuing the fair Princess."
Anne Maria immediately raised her hand eagerly. "I wanna be the Princess!"
"I said the fair Princess," Chris repeated. "And what we think is fair is that the candidates be the ladies who haven't had a win since the merge: MK," he looked at the unamused techno, "and Jasmine." The focus moved to the Outback girl, who merely raised an eyebrow.
Confessional: Jasmine
"Okay, I am not Princess material," Jasmine said in the make-up confessional. "Not only am I too tall to fit the role, but I'm not really interested in fairy tales."
Confessional Ends
A short drumroll preceded an even shorter chanted note as MK and Jasmine approached the end of the table closest to the tent entrance.
"Yeah, there's no way that I'm gonna be some Princess, McLean!" MK barked at the host who was standing nearby with the glass boot still in his hand. "And don't even try to jam that boot on my foot."
"Okay," Chris said slowly, "that's a no for MK. Jasmine, you're up."
"Well, I'm not fond of fairy tales," Jasmine said, "but I might as well."
"Hold on there, Thunder from Down Under," Chris told her. "You have to put the boot on first. Make sure you're actually Princess material."
Jasmine frowned. "Okay then." She sat on the end of the table, slipped off one of her shoes, and tried to force it on.
The host and other castmates watched as she grunted and began to sweat, trying to get the boot onto her foot. Eventually, she let out a disappointed breath and held the boot back up. "It's no use," Jasmine told the host. "I can't get it on, and even then, it would shatter to pieces."
"Well," Chris said blankly, "guess that's both candidates out, unless MK changes her mind."
MK just glared at him. "Not a chance."
Anne Maria immediately grinned. "Yo Chris!"
"Looks like we have to do another selection method," Chris grabbed the glass boot and began to turn, only for Anne Maria to dart forward and snatch the footwear away from him.
Anne Maria swiftly tossed aside one of her heels and replaced it with the glass boot. "There," she said with a smile, raising her leg to show the boot glimmering on the end of it, "I always knew that I was meant to be royalty!"
"Fine, Anne Maria can be the Princess," Chris said heavily. "Let's just get this over with. Chef?" he looked back over his shoulder, and the shot pulled back to show the hulking man arriving back on the scene. He had changed into a pale blue ballerina's outfit, and had strapped a pair of fake wings to his back that, along with the glittering 'wand' in his hand, gave him the appearance of a fairy godmother.
"I dub thee, Princess Anne Maria," Chef said shortly as a touching song played, waving the wand above the grinning girl's head and releasing a cloud of sparkling dust that nearly choked Topher, Ripper, and Justin.
Confessional: MK
"Anne Maria as the Princess?" MK told the confessional camera with a snort and a laugh. "I wouldn't want to be in that Fairy Tale. Along with any others out there."
Confessional Ends
A harp played in the background as an image of Chris' head and a large hardcover book appeared on screen in front of a yellowish stock background. "It's story time, with uncle Chris," the host's disembodied head said before the scene flashed to him seated in a large purple armchair with the same book in hand. His left hand was on a joystick built into the arm of the chair, and he seemed to be slowly rolling through the set.
"Once upon a time," he began slowly, the camera pulling back to show the host rolling up to the contestants minus Anne Maria on a wheeled platform, his chair joined by a matching footstool, pedestal side table, and even a fireplace. "Five brave knights went on a quest to rescue a Princess from her ivory tower." He pulled back on the joystick, and the platform came to a stop. "But, it wasn't gonna be easy! First," he looked at the staircase behind him, "the knights had to get past my very good friend," the shot quick-panned up and left to Chef, now dressed in a tattered vest and trousers with a long moss-green wig and beard, "the Terrible Toothless Troll!" The shot zoomed in on Chef as he quickly blackened a few of his front teeth with a sharpie. "And, his Bad Breaks Bridge!"
The camera zoomed out even further as a few ominous chants played in the background, showing a large mountainous set featuring a rickety rope bridge over a treacherous and craggy fake waterfall. The contestants gulped.
"To get past the Terrible Toothless Troll," Chris read on, "the knights had to wear disguises! There was the Frog Prince," he grabbed a vaguely frog-like great helm from behind his chair and tossed it to Justin, "and the Ugly Stepsister," he tossed a large wig of wavy red hair in a tall bun to MK. "Snow White," he tossed a pink sleep mask to Jasmine, "and one of her Seven Dwarves," he followed that up by throwing a tall wizard's hat patterned with stars, moons, and lightning bolts to Topher. "Aaand," the host finished by pulling out a bright red hooded cape, "Little Red Riding Hood."
He tossed it to Ripper, who raised an eyebrow as he caught it. "Seriously? Can't I just be Riding Red?"
"No dice dude. That's what it says in the script," Chris told him as an unseen intern delivered a plate of milk and cookies to the host's side table. He turned and grabbed one, saying "Good work, kid," before continuing his monologue. "And so, the Ugly approached the Terrible Troll."
"I can't see in this thing!" MK said.
"Oh yeah," Chris said to a dramatic rise in the background music, "for this challenge, each knight is blind." The five teens immediately began to protest, causing the host to snap at them. "Nowhere in this story does it say 'the cowardly knights complained'!" he told the cast with a brief glance at his book. "So get it together, steppy, and get crossing!"
The footage skipped ahead to show MK slowly inching her way across the bridge while holding on to one of the rope rails. "This ain't too bad," she said to herself. She was hit by several red apples in rapid succession, causing her to yelp in pain.
"Oh, also," Chris said as the shot cut back to him, "those are Wicked Witch's apples, so, they're poisonous and rotten. You might wanna watch..."
He stopped talking as the shot cut back to MK slipping on one of the apples and fell off the bridge to the rocky set below. The camera followed as she fell and bounced off of several outcroppings before landing onto the hard ground. The shot cut briefly to the other contestants as they winced in pain before cutting back to the techno girl lying awkwardly on the ground with an apple in her mouth.
"Well, looks like MK isn't fairy tale hero material," Chris commented, dunking one of his cookies into his glass of milk. The short girl writhed in pain.
Confessional: MK
MK had on a neck brace and bandages around her head and torso, "I'm having trouble remembering what happened after the fall. Does that mean I have a concussion?"
Confessional Ends
A harp was played as the footage cut back to the other contestants standing at the start of the bridge. "Next, the eighth dwarf," Chris said as he moved his platform around towards the far staircase. "He grabbed a fistful of courage and headed across the bridge."
Topher glanced over at Chef. The man had hunched over, and was slapping a cat o' nine tails against his hand with a wild grin. He took a deep breath, put on the wizard’s hat over his eyes, and charged forward with a battle cry. Chef raised his eyebrows and rushed out to stop him, but he jumped onto a rope rail and ran through it until he was past Chef.
"Did I make it?" Topher asked, having reached the other side.
Confessional: Topher
"Poise classes have taught me to always be aware of my surroundings, whether I’m blindfolded or not," Topher grinned. "And with Anne Maria as the Princess, I’m not botching this one."
Confessional Ends
The footage skipped ahead to Jasmine's attempt, the sleeping mask already over her eyes and her hands firmly on the ropes of the bridge as she walked forward at a steady pace. Chef squeezed a mother goose, launching a golden egg out of its rear like a bullet. It shot past the girl's shoulder. "What was that?" Jasmine asked as she moved her head to track it. A second egg hit her square in the chest, knocking her back a step and putting a grin on Chef's face.
Jasmine frowned for a moment, then took a cautious step that was apparently at the bridge's weak point. The camera zoomed in on the bridge as it rippled, knocking loose every plank all the way to Chef. With a gasp and a scream, the troll and his goose fell, and the scene cut to him as he grabbed something behind his back. "They don't pay me enough for this!" Chef yelled, pulling the cord of a hidden parachute and floating down safely.
Jasmine was unaware of the danger and took one more step, expectedly screaming and falling. The camera cut to Chris as he followed the Amazon girl's fall and winced at the sound of an impact. "Awesome!" he cheered. "You’re up, froggy." The scene cut to the start of the bridge where Justin stood. "Then Captain Hood after that."
Justin put on his helmet. "At least my face will be protected from further indignity," he said as he slowly moved towards the bridge. He walked right shoulder into one of the posts holding up the bridge.
Ripper laughed. "Tough break, pretty boy," he jeered. "Go a little to the right." The eye candy followed the advice and walked into the other pole, causing Ripper to laugh. "Sorry man!" the bully called before laughing again.
Chef was shown running past the center of the bridge with an ax raised and ready to strike, while Justin stayed at the bridge completely oblivious. Ripper laughed once more and pushed the model into the cook. "Let me give you a hand," he said as he did so. Chef brought his ax down and hit the hot boy's helmet, causing the eyes to spin comically and Ripper to laugh once more.
Confessional: Justin
“There I was, down dirty, and deafened,” Justin recapped his failure. “And I thought "W.W.A.M.D.": What would Anne Maria do? And then it came to me! She'd use her head.”
Confessional Ends
With a battle cry, Justin rushed the cook with his helmet and ran him over, safely making it to the other side. "Justin's still got it!" Chris said as the camera cut to him. "All right, the final knight attempting to enter Fairy Tale Land is," the shot cut to Ripper as he tied a blindfold over his eyes and faced away from the camera, "Riding Red! We're over this way!"
"My seeing is good," Ripper said as he turned around. The camera cut to his perspective to show that he could actually see Chef putting on a blonde pigtailed wig. "I'm able to see Chef as a female troll! Hilarious!"
"Rapunzel dude, let down your hair!" Chris called, and Chef lengthened one of the pigtails and began swinging it around. He cracked it like a whip at the bully, who dodged it.
The camera cut to Justin watching Ripper avoid every attack. "Hey! He can see!" he cried.
"How?" Chris asked sarcastically. "With his X-ray vision? That'd be cool."
Chef attacked one last time, but Ripper grabbed onto the pigtail and swung across to safety with a whoop.
The footage skipped ahead to a close-up of Chris's book as he began to narrate once again. "And so, the Terrible Toothless Troll knocked off two losers," the shot pulled back to show Jasmine, wearing a leg cast and her right arm in a sling, and MK sitting on the ground nearby. "But," the camera panned over to Justin, Ripper, and Topher on the right, "three semi-brave knights made it to the other side and continued on their noble quest. Whereupon I, in my wisdom, inspired them with a vision of Princess Anne Maria."
The shot pulled back even further, revealing that the group had assembled in front of a small stage with a pink-tinted backdrop depicting a large white castle off in distant hillsides. A slow piano melody began to play as Anne Maria, now dressed in a regal-looking pink gown and tiara, was lowered onto the stage by a few wires.
"When I was a little girl, I'd dream of my first kiss," Anne Maria began to sing in a rather mediocre voice the moment she hit the stage and the wired harness was reeled back up. "It would come from my perfect prince!" A number of tiny birds and chipmunks gathered around her, the birds even landing on her hands. "And in my dream, it went like this!"
The scene immediately cut to the three remaining knights as they watched the performance. Justin and Topher were both stunned by her display, while Ripper couldn't care less.
“She's the most beautiful thing I have ever seen,” Justin said.
Definitely,” Topher chimed in.
“I must've been so busy seeing her as a potential alliance member and extra vote that I didn't see her outer beauty. Wow,” Justin continued in amazement. “We'll be the best looking couple in the kingdom!”
The music came to a halt as Topher and Ripper were surprised by what just came out of Justin's mouth.
“Excuse me, but I am still dating her!” Topher objected heavily.
“And there's no way she'll ever be into you,” Ripper told Justin.
“I saw you cheat, Ripper,” Justin let him know. “You don't deserve to be anybody's prince.”
“And who died and made you the rule master?” Ripper faced the handsome boy threateningly.
"Guys, guys!" Chris said, stepping forward and getting between the boys. "No need to fight! At least not until after this break," he declared happily. "Will Ripper inflict any deformities on Justin? Or will Justin's ripped physique bring two tons of hurt down on Topher's head? Find out when we come back!"
(Commercial Break)
The footage came back to a distance shot of the stage Anne Maria was still singing on, her music resuming as the shot cut closer.
"My prince will be tall and handsome," she sang, the camera panning down to catch Justin standing straight and proud. "My prince will be tough as nails," Ripper flexed his biceps and then lifted a startled Topher over his head.
"My prince will have lots of money," Anne Maria continued, the camera moving back on her as she showered the stage with a wad of cash. "My prince will tame wild whales!" She flexed her own arms, Chris nodded to the beat, and the shot cut to Topher looking at a small and rather disoriented baleen whale on the floor in confusion.
The shot panned down to Jasmine and MK who were watching the performance with boredom on their faces.
"How are you feeling about the whole Fairy Tale thing?" Jasmine asked MK.
"Couldn't care less," MK answered bluntly. "I just don't know why we have to keep watching though."
A close-up was shown of Anne Maria reaching for a wary-eyed frog in a small crown, the Jersey girl pulling it closer to her as she finished her song. "When we kiss~, my prince will be you~!" As the music ended, she held up the frog and kissed it on the lips, but broke almost immediately in a fit of revulsion.
Anne Maria threw the frog away from her, and it landed on Justin's face. "Warts! Get it off!" he cried out as he ran around trying to get the frog out.
"Wasn't that song brilliant?" Chris asked as the focus moved back to him, Jasmine, and MK. "It was so brilliant, I know everyone wishes they could hear it over, and over, and over again! And now they can." He snapped his fingers, and a CD case bearing Princess Anne Maria's picture on the cover was placed in his waiting hand.
"Relive the magic of Anne Maria for only $12.99," he told the camera as a deep and theatrical tune began to play. "Call 555-SELLOUT to get your authentic Princess Anne Maria CD," he added as the camera zoomed in on the case, "before everyone else downloads it illegally!"
"I'll take one!" Topher quickly begged, earning him a CD. "This will be worth spending thirteen dollars of my money."
Confessional: Topher
"My prince will buy me lots of hot dogs! My prince will love ponies too!" Topher was listening to the CD through headphones as his confessional began. "Her singing isn't the best, but I do want to support her," he told the camera.
Confessional Ends
"After risking my life for you, I have come to realize this!" Justin said as he approached the stage. "You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. And the smartest. What are the odds?"
He offered his hand to Anne Maria, but she didn't take it. "Thanks for telling me what I already know!"
"Uhh, aren't you going to compliment me on my bravery?" Justin asked.
"Nah! Princesses are supposed to be complimented in my world,” Anne Maria said, to Justin's disappointment. “It's not their job to give them out to anyone, but for me, I'll make an exception for Topher, the handsomest knight around!”
The camera moved to Ripper rolling her eyes and Topher smiling. “And you are the most beautiful princess around!” Topher complimented back before a sound caught the attention of both. They turned their heads at once and the scene followed their gaze over to Chef, still in his troll costume but now riding the same fly-ridden horse from earlier in the episode.
"How has that horse not died yet?" MK commented. "It can't be in good condition after all their time being used on this show."
"Just because it's a little old, doesn't mean it's not fighting for their life," Jasmine told her.
Anne Maria hopped onto the horse's back while Ripper and Topher came over. “Are we supposed to catch him?" Topher asked.
"No, it's a classic princess abduction," Chris explained calmly. "As the villain makes a whirlwind getaway on a swift steed."
Chef kicked the horse with his feet, but it didn't react. "Guess ol' Betsy here didn't read the script," he said gruffly.
"Kick harder," Chris commanded, and Chef promptly complied. A stronger kick caused the horse to kick backwards, hitting Justin – who had been standing closest - right in the face.
"That did it," Chef said as Justin was shown to have a few teeth knocked out and a bruised right eye.
"So, that's how the three knight dudes lost the Princess," Chris narrated, "But fate, aka me, wasn't finished with them." Chef and Anne Maria rode off behind him. "They followed the troll all the way to a fight to the death, because that's how I like my princesses saved."
"Sir Topher!" Anne Maria called out playfully as she was slowly abducted. "You better be the one who rescues me!"
"These two haven't even got a chance!" Topher replied arrogantly.
"As good luck, I'll give you my favor to carry into the battle!" Anne Maria tossed the glass boot, but it unintentionally hit Justin in the face.
Confessional: Justin
Justin was having his bruises covered up by make-up brushes from two unknown people while the glass boot was on the table.
“Falling for Anne Maria has been hard on the face. I think we'll have a no glass shoes policy if we start dating soon,” Justin informed and put the boot away. “I have no idea what Chase and Millie's policies are, but they're probably less dignified.”
Confessional Ends
The footage cut forward to a close-up of the old horse chewing on some hay before the camera panned over to a small castle archway propped up against a tower of some sort. "Sir Justin, Sir Topher, and Sir Ripper reached the ivory tower in which the troll had stuck the super tanned princess," Chris read as the three remaining competitors walked into the scene and he followed on his rolling platform. The shot panned up the towers, where several other pieces of crenelated wall had been attached here and there, and at the very top there was a pinkish spire and balcony where Princess Anne Maria waited.
"But there was only one way to rescue her," the host continued with a grin on his face and tense music building in the background. "One of the brave knights had to slay the dragon!"
"Dragon?!" Jasmine asked in alarm. "Tell me you didn't get a real dragon for this!"
"Seeing as dragons don't exist," MK told her, "I find that highly unlikely."
"She's right," Chris said as the music switched to something more ominously lurking. "We're reusing the alien monster guy."
Seconds later, a few tremendous mechanical footsteps were heard. MK and Jasmine looked to stage right and the camera pulled back, showing off the animatronic monster in all its glory. Chef was wearing the motion capture suit that controlled it, and it had been given a hood with horns, a scraggly 'beard', and two tiny wings in order to make it look more draconic. Chef raised his arms menacingly, and the monster echoed the pose and growled.
"Let the dragon slaying begin!" Chris announced, pulling out a trio of wooden swords and throwing them to the knights. Ripper caught the shortest, Topher the most slender, and Justin the broadest, and the three turned to face the tower and dragon.
"I'm counting on you, Sir Topher!" Anne Maria called from above, smiling at the fanboy and blowing him a kiss. He accepted it with a grin, and Anne Maria turned her attention to the other two knights and frowned. "As for you two, you'll need all the luck you can get."
"Yeah, cause I'll be the one who's going to slay today!" Topher boasted before turning and charging at the dragon.
"Not so fast," Justin charged at Topher and the two clashed their swords into each other's, only breaking when they noticed a foot-shaped shadow fall upon them. They rolled out of the way before the monster stomped them, and the camera panned over to Justin landing next to Ripper.
“You want Topher to win?” Justin faced Ripper.
“Like I care which one of you wins,” Ripper scoffed.
“Then help me take him down and I'll let you win,” Justin offered.
Ripper thought about it, and the viewpoint moved over to Chef guiding the monster in stomping and snapping at Topher. He was able to strike the dragon's head with his sword. “You are not going to stop me from rescuing Anne Maria!” the fanboy told the dragon.
“Just get them both chasing you,” Ripper suggested.
“And why?” Justin asked.
“Do you want to stop that monster or not?” Ripper glared. “Just do it!”
Justin sighed but complied, and both Topher and the Chef-controlled monster made moves to chase after him while Ripper watched from the sidelines.
“Are you going to fight me or run away from me?!” Topher asked with a taunt.
“Justin, you're going to stop running in 3…2…1!” Ripper ordered, and Justin paused his dash.
Topher also stopped chasing him as well, and the dragon, who was still trying to chase the others, caught its foot on Topher and somehow tripped. It flailed its arms humorously before crashing to the ground.
"A job well done," Ripper said as he ran over to the large red button on the side of the beast's neck. “Now to claim my second immunity win in a row!” he said as he readied his sword to finish it off, but Justin came up to push him off the dragon and onto the floor.
"Sorry Ripper," Justin told him. "If Izzy was the prize, I'm sure you'd do the same thing." He plunged his sword into the dragon's neck, causing it to fizzle and short out. "Anne Maria," he dramatically called out, "your prince is coming."
"Some prince," Ripper mocked.
The camera panned to the right to show Chris' moving platform as he arrived with Jasmine and MK in tow.
"Wanna rescue Princess Anne Maria too?" he asked the camera. "Now you can, for only $79.95!" he pulled out a pink-and-yellow striped box and held it up for the camera, a vaguely Anne Maria-shaped doll barely visible inside. "Order your very own Princess Anne Maria Limited Edition Glass Boot Doll! Playing with the Anne Maria doll is more fun and less dangerous than playing with the real Anne Maria. Guaranteed!" He finished with a cheesy grin.
The scene cut to the top of the ivory tower as Justin climbed up to the balcony where Anne Maria waited. "I have arrived!" Justin announced.
"Not the guy I was expecting, but a reward is a reward," Anne Maria grumbled and the two moved in for a kiss.
"Wait, wait, there's no kissing!" Chris interrupted the two from his chair.
“What?” Justin felt confused.
“Oh yeah!” Topher cheered from under the dragon.
"It says here that Prince Justin and Princess Anne Maria must sword fight to determine the true winner!" Chris explained while reading off his book.
"Which means I still have a chance at winning immunity?" Anne Maria asked quickly.
"You're much smarter than most princesses," Chris replied.
"Usually, most fairy tales end with a kiss," Jasmine said.
"Well, this is a modern tale," Chris explained. "Gals have to fight for themselves."
“You can say that again,” MK agreed.
“If that's how it has to be-” Anne Maria said.
“No,” Justin cut her off, now kneeling on one leg. “I am a noble gentleman. A brave knight. A handsome prince. I would never hurt a lady.”
“But you would hurt a guy working with you,” Ripper interjected after getting up on his feet.
“I said I was sorry, Ripper,” Justin told him with annoyance and focused back on Anne Maria. “I refuse to raise a sword to Anne Maria.” Anne Maria took the sword from him. “I give up any chance at immunity to spare her. And now…”
Justin puckered his lips and moved close, only for his eyes to widen. The camera pulled back to show the hilt of the sword buried in his crotch.
“Not sorry! I'm already taken!" Anne Maria declared before pushing Justin off.
Justin fell with a scream until he hit one of the 'towers' on his cheek. He kept on hitting one tower after another until he hit the ground on his back in severe pain. “I'm okay!”
The camera panned over to Chris and the other losers. "Anne Maria wins immunity! Again!" the host announced.
"Yes!" Anne Maria cheered.
The opening sequence of the Gilded Chris Ceremony came and went, leaving the scene focused on the tux-wearing host at his podium. "So," Chris began with an award already in his hand, "with immunity, Anne Maria is the first to win a Gilded Chris." He tossed the statuette to the girl, sitting on the left side of the bleachers, and she caught it with a smug grin.
"Immunity and my own dolls? How much better can this day get?" Anne Maria said.
"Well, it's not like you're getting the profits from the Princess Anne Maria line," Chris said plainly.
Anne Maria's eyes popped open in shock. "Uh, what?!" she said in outrage. “It's my line!”
“I’m saying that you're not going to get the profits because they’ll be sent over to your family for safekeeping, along with a Princess Anne Maria doll,” Chris explained. “I don't want any of my interns or producers to take what's rightfully yours. Lawsuits and all.”
“Oh!” Anne Maria said in relief. “I'm relieved, but I'm also upset that you made me act like an idiot!”
"Then you should have let me finish! Also still in the competish," Chris announced with another two awards in his hand, "MK and Jasmine." The former caught her prize in her lap with a confident grin, and the latter with a happy smile.
"And also Ripper," the host continued, the camera panning to the bully who smiled as he caught his award.
Spotlights were put on Justin and Topher, the former in a body cast. "Who will live happily ever after, and who will die penniless," Chris said as the music built dramatically. "And the last Gilded Chris goes to… Justin!"
"What?!" Anne Maria stood up. "You have to be joking! Justin should be going home!"
"Yeah, you're right. I was just kidding," Chris said. "Justin's actually the one who's been eliminated."
Topher caught his award. “I knew I would be safe.”
Confessional: Topher
“I told everybody to vote off Justin,” Topher confirmed. “He tried to move in on my girlfriend, and him getting booted would serve him right. The best part is, everybody was on board with it and I didn’t even have to try and convince them.”
Confessional Ends
Justin got up and started to head to the red carpet, but stopped to look at the contestants. “So is no one even going to miss me?”
“I never liked you,” MK shrugged.
“See ya,” Ripper said apathetically. “Get better soon, or sometime.”
“Okay, stop already! I'm going! But you'll regret it,” Justin told them and walked to the red carpet. Before getting into the limousine, he gave one last look to the remaining players. “With me gone, this competition just got eighty percent less handsome.” The eye candy turned around, only to hit his head on the roof. “All right, seventy-nine!” he groaned.
The footage paused there, and the camera pulled back to show it on one of the monitors in the control tent. Chris was sitting in his chair playing with a couple of Princess Anne Maria dolls, a few more scattered on the nearby desk.
"I know what I told Anne Maria, but marketing says that our target audience is too old for dolls," Chris told the camera as the footage on the monitor cut to static. "They're just not selling!" He looked to the side, and the camera panned to follow and show Chef playing with a group of Princess Anne Maria dolls dressed up as soldiers.
"Princesses, attack!" he said with a dark grin, lighting a miniature cannon with a match as the deeper and more dramatic ending theme began to play. The cannon fired with a puff, blowing the heads off two of the dolls.
Chris gave him an odd look, then turned back to the camera. "Hey target audience! Make sure you don't miss the next kiss-filled episode of Total! Drama! Action!" As soon as he finished saying the title, he mashed the mouths of the two dolls he was holding together and made kissing sounds. "Now you see, Chef," he told his companion, "that's how you play with dolls."
(Roll the Credits)
(Bonus Clip)
The scene opened to Justin sitting on the back seat of the limousine with the glass boot in hand. “What I've learned? Well, maybe that good looks won't take you everywhere you want to go,” he said wisely. “I mean, what have I ended up with? A wounded face, a bruised ego, and a shoe that I can't even wear. Maybe if I stopped modeling and threw all my energy into getting smarter, more girls could fall in love with me,” he thought. “But modeling pays. And Jesús, my booker, says that even with my severe facial wounds, he can get me a bunch of leg modeling and some celebrity kid's birthday party. So, love schmove.” He threw the glass boot out the window, and a shattering sound indicated that the boot was destroyed.
Eva - 15th
Geoff - 15th
Izzy - RETURNED
Trent - 13th
Sky - 12th
Brick - 11th
Scott - 10th
Izzy - 9th
Millie - 8th
MERGE
Chase - 7th
Justin - 6th
Boys: Ripper, Topher
Girls: Anne Maria, Jasmine, MK

I’ll first start with saying I’m aware this is kind of a hot topic and many are against it. I don’t know much beyond choking being a concern, but will be doing more research obviously. Initially, just blindly took the advice of the pediatrician but the more our little guy struggles to eat the pissed off I get about the lack of help the pediatricians have really been.
We have been having a bit of trouble anyways with feeding our little guy, so I’ll share the whole journey in quick terms. - He wasn’t able to latch to breastfeed and even though I told the nurses/doctors I didn’t pee after labor, they told me I did. Shortly after, I had a distended bladder and had a uterine spasm. Literally the pain was worse than labor. I told the nurse my urethra hurt and they were like, oh…I bet it’s just cause you tore when pushing. Literally belittled me, then gave me Oxycodone because they couldn’t figure out what was wrong, I was screaming, they wouldn’t let me up to pee- all that to say since I was on rough meds, my husband didn’t want me breastfeeding that into kiddo. -Put kiddo on Similac Total Care 360. That’s what they had in the hospital and he seemed to be doing well on it. -Went to doctor appointment, at first, he made and surpassed birth weight within 3 days of birth. Then slowed down, due to always bearing down/being super gassy. We switched to Enfamil Gentlease. -Kiddo started breaking out in a rash from the formula. Tested negative for milk protein allergy, but due to rash decided to be safe and treat it as such anyways; per the pediatrician. Switched to Enfamil (hypoallergenic) Nutramigen. -Kiddo was spitting it up all the time. Per pediatrician, the formula is thinner and this could cause that. They then directed us to add “one scoop of Beechnut oatmeal to 3-4oz formula. Maybe go up one nipple size.”
First, WTF is “one scoop”!? That’s not a measurement. So, we’ve been adding one formula scoop (what you’d use for 2oz) to the formula. We went up to a Dr. Brown’s size 2. Little guy was STRUGGLING to get anything out. Bought Y nipples. He still seems to wear himself out. Like, we’ll spend the whole hour the bottle is good trying to keep him awake to eat at least 1.5oz. So we’re averaging 15.13oz/day when pediatrician said we should be closer to 20-24oz/day. (They then also add that the oatmeal may make that less, but then reiterate the 20-24 amount). He’ll also spend the whole hour trying to eat, take a 20-30min nap, then wake up screaming of hunger again. We’ve tried ensuring he has no gas, tried different amounts of oatmeal…
I just have no idea what to do and I’m starting to question if we should even be putting oatmeal in the formula.

Apologies for the lengthy post
For some context my bunny is male, he has been neutered, we think he is over a year old (we found him dumped in a car park), we have had him now since February 2023, he is litter trained and is living with a female bunny (also neutered and litter trained) who is turning 8 soon
Lately he has taken to peeing and pooping everywhere, particularly in the area outside their litter tray on the rug, it is normal in colour but it is in large amounts, he seems to also have taken to messing up the litter tray when I clean it, throwing everything out and just generally making a mess, he only seems to do this when it is changed and then stops once he has deemed it to his liking
He has also seemed to have had an attitude change, he snorts and thumps at me quite a bit and head butts my legs if I am standing or just walking around and he has started to snort, pounce and nip at my female bunny especially when we are giving them food. I have taken to placing the food on the floor and scattering it as this does seem to stop him chasing her around the room when we give them food
He also has started to scrape and chew up everything, I have given him more toys and things to chew on but this has not stopped him
He has been aggressive to me particularly in the night when I am sleeping, he jumps on my bed and nips / bites and scrapes at me, I know this could be cause I am “in his way” but it seems to be every night he is doing this, he also does not like me being in my room, he will pounce at me and snort if I don’t leave
I have tried to ban him from coming onto the bed and other furniture but he is not having it and will quite happily tell me this by snorting and “boxing” me
This “aggression” or whatever it is has been going on for the past 2 months and the peeing has been going on for the past 3 weeks. I have been in contact with the vets in relation to the peeing as I was unsure if it was a uti but they said it’s not
I was wondering if anyone had any advice or suggestions on what I could try or if this could just be a temporary behavioural issue that will resolve
Nothing in the house has changed and no one new has come in the house so I just can’t figure out what it could be
Thank you in advance

Hey guys first time finding and posting on this sub, it seems like a really great and supportive space. Back in December I relapsed on both opiates and benzos after over a year of sobriety from a multi year addiction.
My relapse consisted of me taking me drug of choice oxycodone for about 2 weeks and I have been on suboxone ever since then. I have used suboxone in the past but only for the first week or so of painkiller withdrawals in the past. I started off taking 2 mg a day and kept it at that for like the first 3 months. The problem was that I was also taking xanax which started at 1mg a day and quickly got up to 3-4mg a day.
In March I finally started my tapering process off benzos, lowering my dose by .25-.5 every 2-3 weeks. My previous experience with benzo addiction only lasted about 3 months at the same dosage and I CT’d which led me to have seizures. I currently have gotten myself down to .25 mg a night of xanax but while I first started tapering I bumped my suboxone dosage up to 3-4 mg a day. Now that I am really close to getting off xanax completely I feel comfortable enough to start getting off the subs too and have held a 3mg daily dosage since cutting to .25 of benzos.
This is my first time trying to taper off opiates as ive always CT’d in the past but i’ve accomplished so much in my sobriety time that I dont want to lose the first stable job ive had in my life by doing something reckless going CT. How often should I lower my dose? I definitely have a tolerance for pain but I know the pain would be really extreme to just CT off this dose. Are there any vitamins or other meds I can take while tapering help with withdrawals? Ive been thinking of starting to eat prunes every day to maybe start clearing out my stomach as much as possible since now so maybe itll be better when I am off subs🤮 I do have a good supply of lyrica and gabapentin that I plan on taking sparingly when I make the step to get off benzos completely here in the next week or so. I heard lyrica can help with opiate withdrawals too.
Honestly any advice or encouragement would be awesome, Im going through a lot of anxiety due to the benzo withdrawals and just need some assurance that kicking all this shit is achievable💪 Hope everyone has a blessed night

Hi guys. I've been doing a lot of reading on here and cpap the last few days. I'm suspecting I might have sleep apnea, but I'm not sure. I have some health anxiety if it isn't clear from my post lol, and this all is just giving me decision fatigue and I don't know how to move forward. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
30F not overweight, my biggest issue is that I feel tired no matter how long I sleep - this has been going on for years, but has been more apparent within the last year. I'm just exhausted, very tired during the day. If I sat down in a quiet place without stimulation, I could fall asleep easily. I don't snore much at all. Sometimes I wake up with a headache but not often. Lately I've been snorting (not so much choking but kind of) myself awake a few times a week as well. Within the last year I've been waking up at least 1x a night to pee and I've never done that before. My bloodwork is all good, including thyroid, so those things have been ruled out.
Here's my concerns: -Pre-screening: I considered getting a WellueO2 ring to check for oxygen desaturation as a first step before pursuing any actual testing, but am now reading it's possible to have sleep apnea and no issues with oxygen desaturation, so would that be a waste of $180?
-Level 3 at home tests like Lofta: I know they aren't perfect and it sounds like it's more suitable for someone who already knows they have sleep apnea. I understand this is the cheapest option to test. I'm worried if I do an at-home test it'll miss something important like CSA or UARS or I don't even know what else. Also don't they prescribe APAP, and isn't APAP not great? Would it be harmful to be treated for OSA with an APAP and not be aware of having CSA or UARS?
-Level 2 in home study: I've seen Jason from AXG Sleep Diagnostics does a level 2 at home test for $900 but the issue is that it doesn't actually provide any prescription at the end of all that, so I'd have to find a doctor to prescribe, which I don't have.
-Level 1 in lab study: I don't have insurance coverage and don't have $3k+ to shell out for this. I DID find a place that does it for $1k cash but reviews aren't great and I'm worried about being pushed into some weird equipment rental contract or something. I also don't know if I'll be able to sleep at all in the weird place and then it would be a complete waste of $1k.
-And of course there's the concern I do any of this and find nothing wrong lol. What would ya'll do?

Hi. So, this might be a bit of a rant, but there is a question at the end of it.
I turned 30 early this year and as of recently, I'm single again. I don't mind being single and I'm a very self-sufficient person (that's how my parents raised me and I'm grateful for it), but there's something that's been irking me for a while, especially after this last "relationship" (in quotation marks for reasons you'll see).
Also, sorry for any mistakes, English isn't my first language.
I pretty much started getting the "perfect" comment when I was a teenager. I absolutely in NO WAY think of myself as such, I'm very aware of my flaws and working through them in therapy for years now. I do think that I've become a better person in the last 3-5 years, truly because I put the effort in (and took time to be by myself and actually become happy without a relationship, which was important for me).
This comment didn't bother me when I was young and was great flattery, but obviously after 7-8 failed attempts at relationships (that ranged from, like, 1 month to 7-8 months) I realised it can't be true, because otherwise why am I always the one who gets dumped?
I realise I'm attractive (by no means a 10, but I guess above average), so in my late 20s I assumed that's what they must be referring to. I was raised by very intellectual and funny parents, so brains and humour have always been top of my criteria when picking a partner. I've dated men taller than me, shorter than me, fitter than me, genuinely not fit, chubby, skinny, any kind. I don't care that much about attractiveness, because I really fall for someone when I can have a conversation with them that makes me light up - be it because of them making me laugh so hard I snort, or because they're so passionate about something, it makes me care too. I adore that in people (not just those I date, that's the kind of friends I surround myself with too).
For a while I thought it's maybe my type - I was picking the wrong "kind" of men? - so we worked with my therapist a lot on that and I've followed her advice on giving chances to people I normally wouldn't (meaning: people who aren't necessarily the funniest or the smartest, but still seem to have wonderful qualities, like being kind, generous and we share the same values). And, lo and behold, I once again fell hard, I was told I was perfect and then he dumped me. I do need to say - they never say they dump me BECAUSE I'm "too perfect".
I've worked on A LOT of things in myself. I'm understanding, caring, kind, and I do think I'm funny (and so do people around me - I'm a writer by profession and it's the number 1 thing I get by mentors, colleagues, etc about my writing too).
I know there's many things that might go wrong in a relationship and I know I contribute to downfalls of relationships too - that's why I have a therapist! - but there's been quite a few times now that I genuinely didn't see what I did wrong, THEY said I didn't do anything wrong, and they just lost attraction after 4-6 months.
I'm 30 and my longest relationship was 1 year and 3 months, and honestly we only made it this far, because I was very stubborn and accepted everything he threw at me, including horrible words and offences. That was my bad for accepting it, tbf.
The last 3-4 years I've been very vigilant about shutting down the "perfect" comment on the first instance - not in an aggressive way, but just by openly talking about how it makes me feel uncomfortable to be called that when the person doesn't know me enough yet, and it puts me in a situation where I feel I should do no wrong, lest I be stripped of my "title". They've always "understood", then proceeded to call me perfect again and again.
My question is - what the f***? What am I doing wrong, and how can I address it? Is it that I'm somehow attracting the same type of man without realising it - so is this "a type" of men who do this? Honestly, I've dated so many different backgrounds - atheists, religious people, deeply capitalist, deeply socialist, divorced parents, happy parents, dead parents, siblings, no siblings, prior LTRs, no prior LTRs, anything I can think of that affects a person's view on dating - and yet here we are.
So is it a type of men who do this? Or is it something I'm putting out there? I'm tired, I'm alone again, and I don't wanna do this (dating) anymore if this is how it's gonna go.
Again - I do NOT in any way shape or form ever pretend or call myself perfect. I'm not even close to it, I'm human, I know it very well, I do not see myself as above anyone.
Is it just because of initial attraction thing or what? And then, they realise I'm a human being and not just a pretty picture? But even if it's that - how can't I find ONE person who doesn't do this?
I'm exhausted.

Hi. So, this might be a bit of a rant, but there is a question at the end of it.
I turned 30 early this year and as of recently, I'm single again. I don't mind being single and I'm a very self-sufficient person (that's how my parents raised me and I'm grateful for it), but there's something that's been irking me for a while, especially after this last "relationship" (in quotation marks for reasons you'll see).
Also, sorry for any mistakes, English isn't my first language.
I pretty much started getting the "perfect" comment when I was a teenager. I absolutely in NO WAY think of myself as such, I'm very aware of my flaws and working through them in therapy for years now. I do think that I've become a better person in the last 3-5 years, truly because I put the effort in (and took time to be by myself and actually become happy without a relationship, which was important for me).
This comment didn't bother me when I was young and was great flattery, but obviously after 7-8 failed attempts at relationships (that ranged from, like, 1 month to 7-8 months) I realised it can't be true, because otherwise why am I always the one who gets dumped?
I realise I'm attractive (by no means a 10, but I guess above average), so in my late 20s I assumed that's what they must be referring to. I was raised by very intellectual and funny parents, so brains and humour have always been top of my criteria when picking a partner. I've dated men taller than me, shorter than me, fitter than me, genuinely not fit, chubby, skinny, any kind. I don't care that much about attractiveness, because I really fall for someone when I can have a conversation with them that makes me light up - be it because of them making me laugh so hard I snort, or because they're so passionate about something, it makes me care too. I adore that in people (not just those I date, that's the kind of friends I surround myself with too).
For a while I thought it's maybe my type - I was picking the wrong "kind" of men? - so we worked with my therapist a lot on that and I've followed her advice on giving chances to people I normally wouldn't (meaning: people who aren't necessarily the funniest or the smartest, but still seem to have wonderful qualities, like being kind, generous and we share the same values). And, lo and behold, I once again fell hard, I was told I was perfect and then he dumped me. I do need to say - they never say they dump me BECAUSE I'm "too perfect".
I've worked on A LOT of things in myself. I'm understanding, caring, kind, and I do think I'm funny (and so do people around me - I'm a writer by profession and it's the number 1 thing I get by mentors, colleagues, etc about my writing too).
I know there's many things that might go wrong in a relationship and I know I contribute to downfalls of relationships too - that's why I have a therapist! - but there's been quite a few times now that I genuinely didn't see what I did wrong, THEY said I didn't do anything wrong, and they just lost attraction after 4-6 months.
I'm 30 and my longest relationship was 1 year and 3 months, and honestly we only made it this far, because I was very stubborn and accepted everything he threw at me, including horrible words and offences. That was my bad for accepting it, tbf.
The last 3-4 years I've been very vigilant about shutting down the "perfect" comment on the first instance - not in an aggressive way, but just by openly talking about how it makes me feel uncomfortable to be called that when the person doesn't know me enough yet, and it puts me in a situation where I feel I should do no wrong, lest I be stripped of my "title". They've always "understood", then proceeded to call me perfect again and again.
My question is - what the f***? What am I doing wrong, and how can I address it? Is it that I'm somehow attracting the same type of man without realising it - so is this "a type" of men who do this? Honestly, I've dated so many different backgrounds - atheists, religious people, deeply capitalist, deeply socialist, divorced parents, happy parents, dead parents, siblings, no siblings, prior LTRs, no prior LTRs, anything I can think of that affects a person's view on dating - and yet here we are.
So is it a type of men who do this? Or is it something I'm putting out there? I'm tired, I'm alone again, and I don't wanna do this (dating) anymore if this is how it's gonna go.
Again - I do NOT in any way shape or form ever pretend or call myself perfect. I'm not even close to it, I'm human, I know it very well, I do not see myself as above anyone.
Is it just because of initial attraction thing or what? And then, they realise I'm a human being and not just a pretty picture? But even if it's that - how can't I find ONE person who doesn't do this?
I'm exhausted.

Title: Understanding Fentanyl: Uses, Risks, and Controversies
Introduction: Fentanyl, a potent synthetic opioid, has gained significant attention in recent years due to its role in the opioid epidemic. This article aims to provide a comprehensive overview of fentanyl, including its medical uses, associated risks, and the controversies surrounding its widespread misuse.
Medical Uses: Originally developed for managing severe pain, especially in cancer patients, fentanyl is an analgesic that is 50 to 100 times more potent than morphine. It is commonly used in medical settings for pain management during surgeries, chronic pain conditions, and palliative care.
Risk Factors: While fentanyl is effective in controlling pain when administered under medical supervision, its misuse poses serious health risks. The drug's high potency increases the likelihood of overdose, leading to respiratory depression and, in extreme cases, death. Illicitly manufactured fentanyl, often mixed with other substances, has been a major contributor to the rising number of opioid-related deaths.
Controversies and Illicit Use: The illicit use of fentanyl has sparked controversy and public health concerns. The drug is often clandestinely produced and added to other drugs, such as heroin or cocaine, without the user's knowledge. This has resulted in a surge in overdoses, as individuals may unintentionally consume lethal doses of the opioid.
Law Enforcement and Regulation: Governments and law enforcement agencies worldwide are grappling with the challenges posed by the illicit production and distribution of fentanyl. Efforts to regulate its manufacturing and distribution are ongoing, with stricter controls in place to prevent diversion into illegal channels.
Treatment and Harm Reduction: Addressing the fentanyl crisis requires a multi-faceted approach, including expanded access to addiction treatment, harm reduction strategies, and public awareness campaigns. Naloxone, an opioid receptor antagonist, has proven effective in reversing opioid overdoses and is increasingly available to first responders and the general public.
Conclusion: Fentanyl, with its remarkable pain-relieving properties, has become a double-edged sword in the realm of healthcare. While it serves a crucial role in medical settings, its misuse poses severe risks to public health. Efforts to combat the opioid epidemic must focus on education, regulation, and treatment to strike a balance between managing pain effectively and preventing the tragic consequences of its illicit use.
Narcan, also known by its generic name naloxone, is a medication used to rapidly reverse opioid overdose. It works by binding to the same receptors in the brain that opioids target, effectively reversing the life-threatening effects of opioid toxicity. Narcan is commonly administered in emergency situations where an individual is experiencing respiratory depression or unconsciousness due to opioid overdose.
Emergency responders, healthcare professionals, and even some non-professionals, such as family members of individuals at risk of opioid overdose, may carry naloxone. The medication is available in various forms, including nasal sprays and injectable formulations, making it accessible for different situations.
The prompt administration of Narcan can restore normal breathing and consciousness, providing crucial time for the affected person to receive further medical attention. It is an essential tool in harm reduction strategies aimed at preventing opioid-related deaths and is a key component of public health initiatives addressing the opioid epidemic.
Suboxone is a prescription medication used in the treatment of opioid dependence and addiction. It is a combination of two active ingredients: buprenorphine and naloxone.

1. Buprenorphine: This is a partial opioid agonist, meaning it binds to the same receptors in the brain that opioids bind to but with less intensity. It helps to reduce cravings and withdrawal symptoms, allowing individuals in recovery to better manage their addiction.
   
2. Naloxone: Naloxone is an opioid receptor antagonist, which means it blocks the effects of opioids. When taken as directed, naloxone remains largely inactive. However, if someone were to misuse Suboxone by injecting it, the naloxone component can counteract the opioid effects, reducing the risk of misuse.
   

Suboxone is often prescribed as part of medication-assisted treatment (MAT), a comprehensive approach to opioid addiction that includes counseling, therapy, and support services. It can be used in the detoxification phase as well as for long-term maintenance therapy. The goal of Suboxone treatment is to help individuals gradually reduce their dependence on opioids, manage cravings, and improve their overall quality of life during recovery.
It's important to note that Suboxone should only be used under the supervision of a qualified healthcare professional, as improper use or abrupt discontinuation can lead to withdrawal symptoms or other complications.
Precipitated withdrawal refers to the accelerated onset of withdrawal symptoms, often more severe than typical, when an opioid antagonist is introduced to the body. This occurs because the antagonist displaces the opioid from receptors, leading to a sudden and intense withdrawal reaction.
For example, if someone is currently dependent on opioids and receives a medication like naloxone or naltrexone, which are opioid antagonists, it can rapidly trigger withdrawal symptoms. This is a safety mechanism, as these medications are often used to reverse opioid overdose or as part of addiction treatment.
The term is commonly associated with medication-assisted treatment for opioid use disorder, where medications like buprenorphine (a partial opioid agonist) are used. If buprenorphine is administered before other full opioids have cleared from the system, it can displace those opioids from receptors, leading to precipitated withdrawal. This is why healthcare providers carefully time the initiation of medications like buprenorphine to avoid this intensified withdrawal reaction.
Understanding the potential for precipitated withdrawal is crucial in the context of addiction treatment to ensure safe and effective transitions between medications and to minimize discomfort for individuals in recovery.
Using Suboxone involves adherence to a specific treatment plan under the guidance of a qualified healthcare professional. Here are some key aspects related to the use of Suboxone:

1. Prescription and Medical Supervision: Suboxone is a prescription medication, and its use should be initiated and supervised by a qualified healthcare provider, typically in the context of medication-assisted treatment (MAT) for opioid use disorder.
   
2. Dosage: The healthcare provider will determine the appropriate dosage based on the individual's specific needs and response to the medication. It's essential to follow the prescribed dosage and not adjust it without consulting the healthcare provider.
   
3. Administration: Suboxone is often administered sublingually, meaning it is placed under the tongue and allowed to dissolve. This method allows for the absorption of the medication into the bloodstream.
   
4. Timing: The timing of Suboxone administration is crucial. It is often started when the individual is in a mild to moderate state of withdrawal to reduce the risk of precipitated withdrawal. The healthcare provider will provide guidance on the appropriate timing.
   
5. Regular Monitoring: During Suboxone treatment, individuals are regularly monitored by healthcare professionals to assess progress, manage side effects, and adjust the treatment plan as needed.
   
6. Counseling and Support: Suboxone is typically part of a comprehensive treatment plan that includes counseling, therapy, and support services. This holistic approach addresses both the physical and psychological aspects of opioid addiction.
   
7. Gradual Tapering: Depending on the treatment plan, there may be a gradual tapering of Suboxone dosage as the individual progresses in their recovery. Tapering is done under medical supervision to minimize withdrawal symptoms.
   
8. Avoiding Other Opioids: It's crucial to avoid the use of other opioids while taking Suboxone. Combining opioids can lead to dangerous interactions and diminish the effectiveness of the treatment.
   
9. Side Effects and Reporting: Like any medication, Suboxone may have side effects. Common side effects include headache, nausea, and constipation. Any unusual or severe side effects should be promptly reported to the healthcare provider.
   
10. Pregnancy Considerations: If an individual is pregnant or planning to become pregnant, it's important to discuss this with the healthcare provider, as the use of Suboxone during pregnancy requires careful consideration.
    

Always follow the guidance of your healthcare provider and inform them of any concerns or changes in your condition during Suboxone treatment. Successful recovery often involves a combination of medication, counseling, and support tailored to individual needs.
Suboxone, when used as prescribed under the supervision of a healthcare professional as part of medication-assisted treatment (MAT) for opioid use disorder, has a lower potential for abuse and addiction compared to full opioid agonists. This is because Suboxone contains buprenorphine, a partial opioid agonist, which has a ceiling effect on its opioid effects.
Buprenorphine's partial agonist properties mean that it activates opioid receptors in the brain to a lesser extent than full agonists like heroin or oxycodone. As a result, the euphoria and respiratory depression associated with opioid abuse are less pronounced with buprenorphine.
However, it's essential to emphasize that any medication, including Suboxone, should be taken exactly as prescribed by a healthcare professional. Misuse, such as taking larger doses or combining Suboxone with other substances, can increase the risk of dependence or addiction.
Abruptly stopping Suboxone can lead to withdrawal symptoms, emphasizing the importance of a gradual tapering plan under medical supervision when discontinuing the medication. It's crucial for individuals using Suboxone to work closely with their healthcare provider to ensure proper management of their opioid use disorder and to address any concerns or side effects during the course of treatment.
Withdrawal symptoms from Suboxone, or buprenorphine (the active ingredient in Suboxone), can occur when someone who has been using the medication for an extended period stops taking it abruptly. It's important to note that withdrawal symptoms can vary in intensity and duration based on factors such as the individual's overall health, the duration of Suboxone use, and the dosage.
Common withdrawal symptoms from Suboxone may include:

1. Nausea and vomiting
2. Diarrhea
3. Muscle aches and pains
4. Sweating
5. Insomnia or sleep disturbances
6. Anxiety
7. Irritability
8. Runny nose and teary eyes
9. Goosebumps (piloerection)
10. Dilated pupils

It's important to distinguish between withdrawal symptoms and precipitated withdrawal. Precipitated withdrawal can occur if someone takes Suboxone too soon after using a full opioid agonist, leading to a more rapid and intense onset of withdrawal symptoms.
Withdrawal from Suboxone is generally considered less severe than withdrawal from full opioid agonists, and the symptoms tend to peak within the first 72 hours after discontinuation. However, the duration and severity can vary from person to person.
If an individual is considering stopping Suboxone or adjusting their dosage, it's crucial to do so under the guidance of a healthcare professional. Tapering the medication gradually, rather than stopping abruptly, can help minimize withdrawal symptoms and increase the chances of a successful transition to recovery. Seeking support from healthcare providers, counselors, and support groups is essential during this process.
Kratom is a tropical tree native to Southeast Asia, specifically in countries like Thailand, Malaysia, Indonesia, Papua New Guinea, and Myanmar. The leaves of the Kratom tree have been traditionally used for various purposes, including as a stimulant, a pain reliever, and to manage opioid withdrawal symptoms.
The active compounds in Kratom, called alkaloids, interact with opioid receptors in the brain, producing effects that can vary depending on the strain and dosage. These effects can include:

1. Stimulation: At lower doses, Kratom may act as a stimulant, promoting increased energy, alertness, and sociability.
   
2. Sedation: At higher doses, Kratom may have sedative effects, leading to relaxation and pain relief.
   
3. Pain Relief: Kratom has been used traditionally for its analgesic properties, and some people use it as a natural remedy for pain.
   
4. Mood Enhancement: Some users report improved mood and reduced anxiety after consuming Kratom.
   

However, it's important to note that Kratom is not regulated by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA), and its safety and effectiveness for various uses have not been clinically proven. There are potential risks associated with Kratom use, including dependence, addiction, and adverse effects such as nausea, constipation, and increased heart rate.
Due to these concerns, Kratom has been a subject of regulatory scrutiny in various countries, with some regions imposing restrictions or outright bans on its sale and use. It is essential for individuals to exercise caution, seek reliable information, and consult with healthcare professionals before considering the use of Kratom, especially for medicinal purposes or to manage opioid withdrawal.
Methadone is a synthetic opioid medication used primarily in the treatment of opioid dependence, particularly in the context of medication-assisted treatment (MAT). It is a long-acting opioid agonist, meaning it activates the same opioid receptors in the brain that other opioids, like heroin or morphine, do.
Key points about Methadone include:

1. Opioid Dependence Treatment: Methadone is often used as a maintenance medication to help individuals reduce or quit the use of illicit opioids. It helps by reducing cravings and withdrawal symptoms.
   
2. Long-Lasting Effect: One significant advantage of methadone is its long duration of action. A single daily dose can help stabilize individuals, preventing the highs and lows associated with short-acting opioids.
   
3. Supervised Administration: In some cases, methadone is provided through supervised administration in specialized clinics to ensure proper use and minimize the risk of diversion.
   
4. Tolerance and Dependence: Like other opioids, individuals using methadone can develop tolerance and dependence. Therefore, the dosage needs to be carefully managed, and discontinuation should be done gradually under medical supervision.
   
5. Reduction of Illicit Drug Use: When used as part of a comprehensive treatment plan, methadone has been shown to reduce illicit opioid use, lower the risk of overdose, and improve overall health outcomes.
   
6. Potential Side Effects: Methadone can have side effects, including constipation, sweating, drowsiness, and changes in libido. It's important for individuals to report any adverse effects to their healthcare provider.
   
7. Regulated Use: The use of methadone is tightly regulated, and it is typically dispensed through specialized clinics or healthcare providers who are authorized to prescribe it for opioid use disorder treatment.
   

Methadone treatment is part of a broader approach that often includes counseling, therapy, and support services. It has been a valuable tool in harm reduction strategies aimed at addressing the opioid epidemic and helping individuals achieve and maintain recovery.
Narcotics Anonymous (NA) is a 12-step program that provides support for individuals recovering from addiction, particularly those struggling with substance abuse issues. It is important to note that NA, like other 12-step programs, does not have an official stance or opinion on specific medical treatments, including medication-assisted treatment (MAT) for withdrawal.
The approach to medication assistance in withdrawal can vary among individuals within the NA community. Some may find success and support in MAT, while others may choose alternative methods or prefer an abstinence-based approach. NA encourages individuals to share their experiences, strength, and hope, but it does not dictate specific treatment choices.
The primary focus of NA is on mutual support, fellowship, and following the 12-step principles, which include admitting powerlessness over addiction, seeking spiritual awakening, and helping others in recovery. Members of NA are encouraged to respect each other's choices and paths to recovery.
It's essential for individuals seeking support for addiction to find a treatment plan that aligns with their needs and values. Consulting with healthcare professionals, attending support groups, and considering various treatment options can be part of a comprehensive approach to recovery.
SMART Recovery (Self-Management and Recovery Training) is a science-based, secular alternative to traditional 12-step programs like Narcotics Anonymous. SMART Recovery emphasizes self-empowerment and utilizes evidence-based techniques to support individuals in overcoming addiction.
Regarding Medication-Assisted Treatment (MAT), SMART Recovery takes a neutral stance. The program acknowledges that MAT, when prescribed and monitored by healthcare professionals, can be a valid and effective part of a comprehensive approach to addiction treatment. SMART Recovery recognizes that different individuals may have unique needs, and treatment plans should be tailored to the individual's circumstances.
SMART Recovery's focus is on teaching self-reliance, coping skills, and strategies for managing urges and behaviors associated with addiction. The program encourages participants to make informed decisions about their recovery, including the consideration of medications that may be prescribed by healthcare providers.
Ultimately, SMART Recovery emphasizes a holistic and individualized approach to recovery, allowing participants to choose the methods and tools that best suit their needs and align with their values. This includes being open to the potential benefits of MAT for some individuals as part of their overall recovery plan.
Several treatment modalities are available for individuals struggling with opioid use disorder. The most effective approach often involves a combination of different strategies. Here are some key treatment modalities for opioid addiction:

1. Medication-Assisted Treatment (MAT): MAT involves the use of medications, such as methadone, buprenorphine (Suboxone), and naltrexone, to help manage cravings, reduce withdrawal symptoms, and support recovery. These medications are often used in combination with counseling and therapy.
   
2. Counseling and Behavioral Therapies: Various forms of counseling and behavioral therapies are crucial components of opioid addiction treatment. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), contingency management, motivational enhancement therapy, and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) are among the approaches used to address the psychological aspects of addiction and help individuals develop coping skills.
   
3. Support Groups and 12-Step Programs: Participating in support groups like Narcotics Anonymous (NA) or 12-step programs can provide valuable peer support, encouragement, and a sense of community for individuals in recovery.
   
4. Detoxification Programs: Medically supervised detoxification programs help individuals safely manage the acute withdrawal symptoms associated with stopping opioid use. These programs often serve as the initial phase of treatment.
   
5. Residential or Inpatient Treatment: Inpatient treatment programs provide a structured and supportive environment for individuals to focus on recovery. These programs may include a combination of medical supervision, counseling, and therapeutic activities.
   
6. Outpatient Treatment: Outpatient programs allow individuals to receive treatment while living at home. This flexibility can be beneficial for those with work or family commitments. Outpatient treatment often includes counseling, therapy, and medication management.
   
7. Holistic and Alternative Therapies: Some individuals find benefit from holistic approaches, such as acupuncture, yoga, meditation, or mindfulness practices. These can complement traditional treatment modalities and contribute to overall well-being.
   
8. Peer Recovery Support Services: Peer recovery support services involve individuals with lived experience in recovery providing support, guidance, and encouragement to others going through similar challenges.
   

The most effective treatment plans are often individualized, taking into account the specific needs, preferences, and circumstances of each person. Collaborating with healthcare professionals to develop a comprehensive and tailored approach can significantly enhance the chances of successful recovery from opioid addiction.
The withdrawal timeline for fentanyl, a potent synthetic opioid, can vary among individuals based on factors such as the duration and intensity of use, individual metabolism, and overall health. Fentanyl withdrawal symptoms typically start shortly after the last dose and follow a general timeline:

1. Early Symptoms (Within a few hours): Early withdrawal symptoms may include anxiety, restlessness, sweating, and increased heart rate. Individuals may also experience muscle aches and insomnia.
   
2. Peak Intensity (24-72 hours): Withdrawal symptoms usually peak within the first 24 to 72 hours after discontinuing fentanyl. During this time, individuals may experience more intense symptoms such as nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, abdominal cramps, dilated pupils, and flu-like symptoms.
   
3. Subsiding Symptoms (5-7 days): The most acute withdrawal symptoms generally begin to subside within about five to seven days. However, some symptoms, such as insomnia, anxiety, and mood swings, may persist for a more extended period.
   
4. Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS): Some individuals may experience a more prolonged period of withdrawal symptoms known as post-acute withdrawal syndrome (PAWS). This can include lingering psychological symptoms such as anxiety, depression, irritability, and difficulty concentrating. PAWS can persist for weeks or even months.
   

It's crucial to note that fentanyl withdrawal can be challenging, and seeking professional help is recommended to manage symptoms safely and effectively. Medical supervision can provide support through the detoxification process, and healthcare professionals may use medications to alleviate specific withdrawal symptoms and improve the overall comfort of the individual.
The withdrawal process is highly individual, and some individuals may find additional support through counseling, therapy, and participation in support groups to address the psychological aspects of recovery. Always consult with healthcare professionals for guidance on the safest and most effective approach to fentanyl withdrawal.
Xylazine is a veterinary sedative and analgesic medication. It belongs to the class of drugs known as alpha-2 adrenergic agonists. While it is primarily intended for veterinary use, xylazine has been misused in some cases for recreational purposes, particularly in combination with other substances.
In veterinary medicine, xylazine is commonly used as a sedative and muscle relaxant for various procedures, including surgery and diagnostic imaging. It is often administered to calm and immobilize animals.
However, the use of xylazine outside of veterinary settings, especially when combined with other drugs, can pose serious health risks. Misuse of xylazine has been associated with adverse effects, including respiratory depression, cardiovascular issues, and central nervous system depression.
It's important to emphasize that the use of xylazine for recreational purposes is highly dangerous and illegal. The drug is not intended for human consumption, and its effects can be unpredictable and potentially life-threatening.
If you have concerns about substance use or encounter situations involving illicit drugs, it is crucial to seek help from healthcare professionals, addiction specialists, or local support services. Misuse of veterinary drugs or any substances not prescribed for human use can have severe consequences and should be avoided.
PAWS stands for Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome. It refers to a set of prolonged withdrawal symptoms that some individuals may experience after the acute phase of withdrawal from substances like opioids, benzodiazepines, or alcohol. PAWS is not limited to a specific substance and can occur with various drugs.
These symptoms are generally more subtle than the acute withdrawal symptoms but can persist for weeks, months, or, in some cases, years after discontinuing substance use. PAWS can vary widely among individuals and may include symptoms such as:

1. Mood swings
2. Anxiety
3. Irritability
4. Insomnia
5. Fatigue
6. Difficulty concentrating
7. Memory problems
8. Reduced impulse control
9. Cravings for the substance

PAWS can be challenging for individuals in recovery, as these lingering symptoms may contribute to relapse if not effectively managed. Supportive interventions, such as counseling, therapy, and participation in support groups, can be beneficial for individuals experiencing PAWS. Healthy lifestyle choices, including regular exercise, proper nutrition, and adequate sleep, may also contribute to the overall well-being of those in recovery.
It's important to note that PAWS is not experienced by everyone in recovery, and its severity and duration can vary. Seeking guidance from healthcare professionals or addiction specialists can assist individuals in managing PAWS and maintaining long-term recovery.
Quitting substance use "cold turkey" involves stopping the use of a substance abruptly without tapering or gradually reducing the dosage. It's important to note that quitting cold turkey can be challenging, and the level of difficulty varies depending on the substance, the duration and intensity of use, and individual factors.
If you're considering quitting a substance cold turkey, here are some general recommendations:

1. Seek Professional Guidance: Before making the decision to quit cold turkey, it's advisable to consult with a healthcare professional or addiction specialist. They can provide guidance based on your specific situation, assess potential risks, and offer support.
   
2. Create a Support System: Inform friends, family, or a support network about your decision to quit. Having a support system in place can provide encouragement, understanding, and assistance during challenging times.
   
3. Understand Withdrawal Symptoms: Be aware of potential withdrawal symptoms associated with quitting the substance cold turkey. Withdrawal symptoms can vary depending on the substance but may include anxiety, irritability, insomnia, and other physical or psychological effects.
   
4. Stay Hydrated and Nourished: Maintaining proper hydration and nutrition is crucial during the quitting process. Stay hydrated by drinking water and consuming a balanced diet to support your overall well-being.
   
5. Exercise: Engage in regular physical activity. Exercise can help alleviate stress, improve mood, and contribute to your overall physical and mental health.
   
6. Consider Professional Treatment: Depending on the substance and the severity of dependence, professional treatment options, such as inpatient or outpatient programs, may be beneficial. Medical supervision can assist in managing withdrawal symptoms and ensuring safety.
   
7. Therapy and Counseling: Consider participating in therapy or counseling to address the underlying factors contributing to substance use and to develop coping strategies for a successful recovery.
   
8. Plan for Triggers: Identify situations, environments, or emotions that may trigger the urge to use the substance. Develop a plan to cope with these triggers without resorting to substance use.
   

It's essential to approach quitting any substance with a comprehensive strategy, and individual circumstances vary. Seeking professional advice ensures that you make informed decisions about the best approach for your specific situation. If you are experiencing severe withdrawal symptoms or have concerns about quitting cold turkey, it is crucial to consult with a healthcare professional for guidance and support.
Tapering refers to the gradual reduction of the dosage of a substance, typically a medication or a drug, over a specific period. Tapering is commonly used in the context of addiction treatment, where it involves slowly decreasing the amount of a substance to manage withdrawal symptoms and minimize the risks associated with abrupt discontinuation.
Key points about tapering include:

1. Medication-Assisted Treatment (MAT): Tapering is often part of medication-assisted treatment for substance use disorders. For example, individuals dependent on opioids might undergo a gradual tapering of medications like methadone or buprenorphine.
   
2. Reducing Dependence: Tapering is employed to reduce physical dependence on a substance by allowing the body to adjust to lower levels gradually. This helps minimize the severity of withdrawal symptoms.
   
3. Individualized Approach: Tapering plans are typically individualized based on factors such as the substance used, the duration and intensity of use, and the individual's overall health. Healthcare professionals design tapering schedules to meet the specific needs of each person.
   
4. Supervised Tapering: Tapering is ideally done under the supervision of a healthcare professional to ensure safety and effectiveness. This is particularly important in cases where abrupt discontinuation could lead to severe withdrawal symptoms or complications.
   
5. Psychological Support: Tapering is not only about physical adjustments but also addresses psychological aspects of dependence. It provides individuals with an opportunity to develop coping skills and strategies for managing life without reliance on the substance.
   
6. Preventing Relapse: Gradual tapering can help reduce the risk of relapse by easing the transition to complete abstinence. It gives individuals the time and support needed to adjust to life without the substance.
   

Tapering is a careful and structured process that should be guided by healthcare professionals. Abruptly stopping certain substances can lead to severe withdrawal symptoms and potential health risks. Seeking professional advice and support is crucial for a safe and successful tapering process, whether it's part of addiction treatment or the discontinuation of a prescribed medication.
Engaging in activities during withdrawal can help distract from symptoms, provide a sense of accomplishment, and contribute to overall well-being. Here are some ideas for keeping busy during withdrawal:

1. Reading: Escape into a good book or explore topics of interest to keep your mind occupied.
   
2. Movies or TV Shows: Watch movies or binge-watch a TV series to pass the time. Choose lighthearted or inspirational content.
   
3. Exercise: Engage in gentle exercises like walking, yoga, or stretching. Exercise can help improve mood and alleviate some withdrawal symptoms.
   
4. Creative Hobbies: Explore creative outlets such as drawing, painting, writing, or playing a musical instrument.
   
5. Mindfulness and Meditation: Practice mindfulness or meditation techniques to calm the mind and reduce stress.
   
6. Gardening: Spend time outdoors, tending to a garden or plants. Nature can have a positive impact on mood.
   
7. Puzzle Games: Solve puzzles, play Sudoku, or engage in other mentally stimulating games.
   
8. Listening to Music or Podcasts: Create playlists of your favorite music or listen to podcasts on topics of interest.
   
9. Cooking or Baking: Experiment with new recipes and treat yourself to nourishing meals.
   
10. Journaling: Write down your thoughts and feelings. Keeping a journal can be therapeutic during withdrawal.
    
11. Educational Courses: Take online courses or watch educational videos on platforms like Coursera or Khan Academy.
    
12. Board Games or Card Games: Play board games or cards with friends or family for some social interaction.
    
13. Self-Care Activities: Take relaxing baths, practice skincare routines, or indulge in other self-care activities to nurture your well-being.
    
14. Volunteering: If possible, consider volunteering for a cause you're passionate about. Helping others can be rewarding.
    
15. Stay Connected: Reach out to friends and family for support. Having a support system is crucial during withdrawal.
    

It's important to choose activities that align with your interests and energy levels. Remember that withdrawal is a challenging time, and it's okay to prioritize self-care. If symptoms become severe or unmanageable, seeking professional help is recommended.

Hi homelab,
I'm considering upgrading my current network setup and would appreciate some advice. I currently have a Deco mesh router and do all my switching on a 10G Mikrotik switch (CRS312-4C+8XG-RM) for my NAS and Proxmox server, etc. My internet connection is 2 Gbps symmetrical, and I typically get close to 2.4 Gbps.
I’m looking at the Beelink EQ12, which has an N100 processor and two 2.5GbE ports, and I’m wondering if it can run pfSense comfortably with Snort, Suricata, or pfBlocker. Here are my specific questions:

1. Hardware Suitability: Can the N100 handle pfSense with Snort, Suricata, or pfBlocker given my high-speed connection? Is it powerful enough to manage these services without bottlenecking?
2. Worth the Upgrade? Considering my current setup, is it worth upgrading to a pfSense-based routing solution? I have a Proxmox server but prefer not to virtualize my router. I have no issues with performance from my current Deco router and upgrading would purely be to have better security.
3. Snort/Suricata with Encrypted Traffic: I understand that Snort and Suricata might struggle with encrypted traffic. I don’t want to install certificates on all my devices to allow the router to see the traffic. Does this limit the effectiveness of these tools to the point where the upgrade isn't worthwhile?
4. Endpoint Security Advice: If someone is going to suggest focusing on endpoint security instead, I’d appreciate advice on how to do that effectively on a Linux server beyond enabling unattended upgrades.

Thanks in advance for any insights or experiences you can share!

I've been keeping this secret for about four years. All those years ago, I was going through what was at the time the most serious and traumatic breakup. I was vulnerable. I had been through years of this toxic relationship.
I lived with my mom at the time, and she has quite the slew of back and health problems. She got prescribed Percocet and very often tried to give me them. I had tried them before but they made my stomach hurt, so I often turned her down. She continued to offer them to me.
One day I decided to take one, I was hurting from work or something. And I snorted it. It was great, my stomach didn't hurt and I felt better. She continued to give me pretty much as much pills as I wanted, and even offered some when I didn't ask.
She moved into my grandmother's house once she went to assisted living. My mother gave me her old pills too.
Now four years later I'm a "functioning" addict, as much as I can be. Nobody at work knows. And I only just realized how fucked up it is to give your child prescriptions. Idk if this is my fault or not but opioid addiction is a helluva thing. I've gone from Percocet to Oxycodone, to morphine, hydrocodone, lortabs, anything like that I will do to stave off withdrawals.
I got some fake oxycodone 30s one time and did them anyways. They were fentanyl. Coming off of that put me in the hospital. It was the worst pain I've ever felt in my life. I cried so much, and the morphine they IV'd me in the hospital barely touched the pain. Unfortunately I guess I'm so far gone that wasn't even a wakeup call for me, although I refuse to touch fake pills again.
I've lost myself so much because of my drug use, and wasted so much time. I really do want to quit and I hate that I've ever done them. If I would've known how bad they were I would've said no, never done them. But I was ignorant to the true seriousness of it until it was too late.

[INDEX]
I pulled the book gifted to me by the priest of Delas from inventory and read through it as we travelled. It was a thin leather-bound volume, maybe 100 pages, with only the first five pages containing the Path of Delas, a selection of verses and collected wisdom which implied they were pulled from a larger work. The remainder of the book was blank, suggesting that I should record my own journey.
I began reading, skimming through each chapter while trusting Horse to keep to the road.
The sun reached its zenith and began a slow descent towards the mountains in the distance before we turned off Hardash road and onto a less travelled road that lead towards the mountains. The heat was bearable now, but only because of the constant winds blowing from the west. The land around us was strange; sagebrush, cacti, and loose dirt, with occasional clumps of hardy trees that seemed to gather closer together as we moved further west.
It wasn’t entirely a desert, but I had no idea what to call it.
Silvertown came into view as we reached the foot of the mountains. It was a small town guarded by a wall much less impressive than the one encircling Wendleton. Maybe fifteen feet tall and just as thick, with battlements and towers placed at seemingly random spots along its circumference.
The guards at the gate stopped us and demanded identification before they let us in, giving me a hard time because of my temporary paperwork. Nothing that a couple of silver couldn’t smooth over.
I found myself drawn to their faces, my mind seemingly sketching them into my consciousness like a forensic artist. It wasn’t until we were handing off our mounts to the stable boy at the Silvertown Inn that I realised that it was my Bounty Sense kicking in. Those were wanted men.
“Hey Silas, those guards back there…” I said.
“Yup. Keep your mouth shut.” He interrupted.
I shut my mouth and followed him into the inn.
The interior was cool, with large ceiling fans slowly stirring the air while providing more of a temperature drop than I would have expected. Magical, I supposed. The wooden walls had been whitewashed with a large mural painted on one that featured a group of men armed with picks and shovels entering a mine. Several patrons were gathered around the scattered tables, engaged in light conversation that ceased when we stepped inside.
All eyes were on us as we walked to the bar, making me feel like I was being measured up for a coffin.
As we approached the bar, the innkeeper, a stout man with a bushy beard and a weathered face, looked us over with a mixture of curiosity and suspicion. His eyes lingered on Silas for a moment longer than necessary, a flicker of recognition passing through his gaze before he quickly masked it with a professional smile.
"What can I get for you gentlemen?" he asked, his voice gruff but not unkind.
Silas leaned against the bar, his easy smile never faltering. "Two rooms for the night, and two of your finest,” he replied, sliding a few coins across the polished wood surface.
The innkeeper nodded, his expression unreadable as he took the coins and gestured for a serving girl to fetch the drink. As she disappeared into the back room, Silas turned to me with a knowing look.
"Keep your wits about you, kid," he murmured, his voice low enough that only I could hear. "We may have stumbled into more than we bargained for."
The bartender wasn’t triggering my Bounty Sense, but I knew what I saw, and he had definitely recognised Silas.
“Where’s your bard?” Silas asked.
“Got caught thieving,” the innkeeper replied. “He’s laid up until his hands heal.”
“Tough luck,” Silas said, arching an eyebrow.
“Most don’t try to pluck the rose of Silvertown, my friend.”
Silas snorted.
“Who’s the kid?” The innkeeper asked, giving me an appraising look.
“Greenhorn,” Silas said, taking a deep pull from his drink. “I’m showing him the ropes.”
An unreadable emotion crossed the innkeepers face as he met my eyes. “You might have better luck out Carterville way,” He said. “Something more suitable for someone green.”
Silas winked at the man. “We’ll be heading that way in the morning.”
Giving me a nudge, Silas indicated the door. “Let’s go,” he said.
Exiting the inn, we made our way along the wooden boardwalk towards the centre of town where city hall was located. A stern building with a six-pointed star hanging from a wood sign was located next to the governmental offices.
We stepped inside and were greeted by the scent of leather, gunpowder, and cigar smoke. A sturdy oak desk, worn smooth by countless hands, commanded the centre of the room. Behind it sat a man lean as a whip with a set of round spectacles perched on his narrow nose. A large six-pointed silver star hung from the worn leather vest that hung loose on his frame. His bushy moustache twitched as he looked up from the newspaper he was reading.
“How can I help you?” He said, folding his newspaper and setting it on the desk.
Silas flipped the lapel on the left side of his jacket, revealing a brass star made of fine filigree and a centrepiece of crossed revolvers. The sheriff’s eyes narrowed when he recognised the symbol. A change came over his face, smoothing it like ice covering a pond.
“I heard Blackheart Bill was in the area,” Silas said, allowing the lapel to flap back in place to cover the star.
“You heard wrong, Mister,” the sheriff said, rising from his chair. “Bill’s holed up in the woods around Hardash with his gang. Don’t you read the newspapers?”
“Ain’t never been much for reading,” Silas admitted, giving the sheriff a friendly smile. “Can I get a look at your Bounty book?”
The sheriff motioned at the front door where a thick ring binder sat open on a pedestal. Silas and I made our way to the book, exposing our backs to the sheriff. My bounty sense didn’t trigger when looking at the man, but it was hard to ignore the sudden itch between my shoulder blades. Silas flipped through the book, which wasn’t organised in any particular manner, until he came across a certain picture.
“Maddog Lucas, wanted for murder, horse thievery, and destruction of property,” Silas said, his voice pitched to carry. “That’s on the other side of Hardash. If we can’t make any headway with Bill by the time we reach Hardash, we’ll travel on to Carterville and see what we can stir up.”
I memorised the face of Maddog Lucas and his description, along with the bounty of 100 silver on his head.
Silas continued to flip through the book, pausing as he encountered some familiar faces. I recognised the two guards who were manning the gate, John May and Saul Pikeman, each with a 25 silver bounty.
Tipping his hat to the sheriff, Silas exited the building with me following like a lost puppy.
“What now?” I asked.
“You buy any live-wire? Those two were wanted alive.” He asked.
I shook my head.
“Head over to the blacksmith and get a dozen links, then go and collect the bounty on those two. I’ll be waiting at the inn,” He said, clapping me on the shoulder.
We parted ways and after a few less than friendly encounters with the locals, I found my destination. The smithy was an open air affair set near the eastern wall, with the burly blacksmith pounding horse shoes on his anvil. I waited until he quenched the piece he was working on before approaching.
“I’m looking for some live-wire,” I said, uncertain of exactly what it was Silas had sent me after.
“Silver a link, ten a dozen,” he replied, his words spoken as if he were rationing them.
“I’ll have a dozen.”
The smith vanished into the interior of his shop for a minute and then returned with what resembled a dozen braided-steel pretzels. I looked at them curiously after exchanging coins, prompting the man to speak a few more precious words.
“Inject your mana into the metal and it’ll tighten up and drain their mana to stay tight. Only your mana will loosen it.”
Magical handcuffs.
Tossing the items into my inventory I thanked the man and headed back towards the north gate, swapping out the unprimed bullets for Webs and placing a few more in the cartridge loops on my gunbelt. We had come in the southern gate, but I figured that if there were criminals manning it, there were probably criminals manning the northern one too.
I approached the two who were leaning casually against the wall sharing a jug of liquor. They straightened up as I approached, setting the jug next to their feet. They were a mis-matched pair, one tall and lanky, the other short and chubby. Both wore guard uniforms but looked uncomfortable in the chainmail. Especially the tall one. My Bounty Sense triggered when I got in range.
“You’re a new face,” the short one said, resting a hand on his revolver. “Gate’s closed.”
“Looks open to me,” I said, peering outside. “I thought I’d have a walk around and stretch my legs.”
“Go stretch them in town,” The tall one suggested, his face triggering my bounty sense.
I flexed [Quick Draw], my hand a blur as it snatched the Mongoose from the holster and fired a bullet into the chest of longshanks. The spell exploded into a tangled mass of sticky webs, pinning the man to the wall. I quickly popped another into the chest of tubby as he drew his own gun, catching him mid-draw and trapping him in the same sticky mess. He fired off two shots that richocheted off the walls before I punched him in the nose, slamming his head into the bricks.
I pointed my revolver at the lanky one. “Not sure you’ll be able to breathe if I shoot you in the face with one of these. Wanna find out?”
He scowled at me, but stopped struggling. A small crowd had gathered by the time the Webs dissolved into red motes, most of them making themselves scarce when I scowled at them.
I didn’t have mana, but I had Aura which I discovered worked just as well to tighten the magical handcuffs around the wrists of the men. I wonder if they’re interchangeable somehow?
Reloading the two empty chambers with unprimed bullets, I gave my captives a shove and told them to start walking. Pulling up [Map] I selected a circuitous route back to the inn, travelling through back alleys and winding side streets.
“Gimme a few minutes and I’ll be back with the others,” I grinned at Silas, who set his glass of beer down in confusion.
“Others?”
“These are from the north gate, both wanted.”
Silas nodded and finished his drink. “I’ll meet you at the sheriff’s office.”
Leaving the two criminals in the care of my companion I headed to the South gate, taking a small detour down an alley to emerge next to the wall. From there I made my way to the gate, keeping close to the wall to avoid being seen. When I was fifty feet from the gate, John walked out, his attention focused north.
I suppose he heard the ruckus I stirred up and was curious what all the gunshots were about.
Pulling my revolver from its holster, I triggered [Aimed Shot] and drew a bead on the man as time slowed down for two seconds. The gun kicked in my hand while the bullet flew true, hitting John in the ribs and wrapping him in sticky webs.
Saul poked his head around the corner of the gate and I triggered [Aimed Shot] again, missing my mark. The bullet exploded against the far side of the gate, snarling the area with tangled webs. Saul returned my magical greeting with metal bullets, each one drawing sparks as they impacted the wall near me.
I ran across the narrow street, crouching behind a water barrel for cover. Saul plugged it twice, one bullet emerging near my face and filling my cheek with splinters. Swearing, I plucked them from the tender skin and took off across the road. Saul had fired six shots and was either reloading or reconsidering his career choice.
He popped out of the guardhouse just in time for me to fire my last two Webs at him, one missing completely and the other catching his legs and wrapping them up tight. With a twitch of my finger I let a [Kinetic bolt] loose, which slammed into his chest like a mule kick. I turned back to John just in time for him catch me in the gut with a bullet. I fired my last shot, the bolt of blue kinetic energy catching him in the arm. Judging by his scream, it was probably broken.
Dropping to one knee, I reloaded and reholstered my weapon, then clasped a hand over the burning hole in my gut. I’d never been shot before and it hurt much more than I expected, like being punched with a hot knife. I watched my battery start dropping as my [Regeneration] passive kicked in, 33 points vanishing every minute as my guts writhed with pain.
By the time I had wrangled John and Saul into the live-wire, my battery had dropped 800 points, leaving me with just 500ish in the bank. Blood soaked my shirt and trousers, more blood than I’d ever seen in my life, leaving me lightheaded. I considered triggering [Second Wind] but resting here for 5 minutes didn’t seem like a good idea, so I forced the duo to their feet and herded them to the sheriff’s office where Silas was waiting for me.
“Looks like you got shot,” Silas remarked, taking notice of my bloodstained gear. The black hid the blood, but my hands were covered in the sticky mess.
“John managed it,” I admitted. “I shouldn’t have turned my back on him.”
“Looks like you survived to learn a lesson,” Silas said, pointing at an empty jail cell.
I poked my gun into the back of the two men and escorted them to the cell, then removed the live-wire. The sheriff patted the men down, his face twisted in a scowl the entire time.
Walking back to his desk, the sheriff pulled out a lockbox and placed a gold coin and twenty-five silver in front of me. “That’s the bounty for those four,” he said. “And if you want my advice you’ll make yourself scarce before trouble comes hunting you.”
I scooped the coins into my inventory with a bloody hand, keeping eye contact with the scowling face of the lawman. “Care to explain how these four got jobs as guards?” I asked.
“The City Patriarch is in charge of the guard, not me,” He answered. “Maybe you should ask him your questions.”
“Maybe we should,” Silas said, opening the door. “C’mon Vinnie. Let’s get to the doctor before you bleed out on the floor.”
“Send him over here when you finish,” the Sheriff said as the door closed.
[INDEX]

I'm seeking advice for my mom, who is in hospice care with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. Her prognosis is only a few weeks. We are struggling with pain management. She dislikes oxycodone, Tylenol is not strong enough, she can't swallow pills, and suppositories cause her to bleed. What alternatives or suggestions do people have?

Hi, so I frequently suffer from ulcers and it is ruining my life honestly, if this continues like this, I really really don't know if I can live. They're so so painful and a lot of times they do happen without trauma (just cutting my mouth or getting an abrasion somehow) but it happens a decent bit less now that I use all natural toothpaste.
I still am suffering so bad though, from the ones that are caused by trauma, just brushing my teeth with an automatic tooth brush will give me multiple, the very slightest small cut will give me one (which for some reason I guess bc I have major overbite I'll bite / cut my check or any part of my gums somehow; it's 98% overbite even after 4 years of braces, so bad that you can't see my bottom teeth AT ALL when connecting my molars/back teeth)
And long story short I can't deal with it anymore. I'm going to kill myself if this continues like Nothing helps enough and I can't talk or communicate w people unless I have only one ulcer that isn't that bad yet or have none. I can't do anything anymore except be very quiet and watch YouTube or some tv or movies. Literally my life is being ruined and I need heavy pain meds like oxycodone to not be bothered by something as bad as this pain but I don't want to get back on opiates.. I can't do it anymore please give me advice I'm at my end here

Persekutuan Nusantara

Aikyampura, Republik Indonesia

Masjlis Persekutuan, Aikyampura Quarter

12.06.2073 

Mom says it's my turn with the talking stick

Despite the ostentatious décor, the atmosphere in the council room was more befitting the dining table in a particularly dysfunctionally toxic household. Sure, there weren't any bowls or chopsticks flying yet, but the shouts and vaguely slanderous remarks thrown about might as well have been clumps of rice and dishes of sauce. For Her Supreme Majesty Yang di-Pertuan Nusantara Cynthia Ramakrishnan-Lai Anjia, newly-appointed Prime Minister of Singapore after a series of scandals, resignations, and the collapse of the previous Workers' Party-led coalition government, it was a frankly terrible first impression.
"So let me get this straight," she muttered to Zainab, "this whole Persekutuan has been running on momentum and vibes alone for the past two decades?"
"Three decades, actually," her grandmotherly advisor corrected, "although I'd like to make it clear that my advice has helped keep the whole tower from crashing down."
Zainab was one of several strange things that Cynthia had to come to terms with in the past 48 hours. Upon her appointment to Prime Ministerhood following a rushed deal with the Progress Singapore Party to get the required amount of votes in Parliament without calling a snap election, Cynthia awoke to the old woman standing by her bedside holding a (sheathed) ornate kris dagger in one hand and a steaming mug of teh tarik in the other. After the inevitable heart attack - Cynthia was barely 40, mind you - she learned that Zainab came with the office. The kris was a symbol of her new position as She who is made Lord of the Outer Islands, while the milk tea was a more personal affectation. Somehow Zainab had known her morning drink of choice - just one of many pieces of knowledge that her new advisor mysteriously had up her sleeve.
Another strange thing - although perhaps more mundane than a magical grandmother-slash-national personification - was that the members of the Masjlis Persekutuan, the leaders of the Archipelago and erstwhile backbone of the Bandung League, were complete children.
"What do you mean you sold off a floating island to the orang-utans?"
That was Arif Rahman Pratama, President of Indonesia as of two years ago. Tall, ordinarily devout in the context of Islam Nusantara, and a former engineer by trade. Cynthia thought he was somewhere on the spectrum, but being emotionally stunted was also a normal symptom of his profession.
"That's a total distortion of the truth, and you know it!" came the reply from Hussein Jean-Pierre ibni 'Abdul Mateen Bolkiah, Sultan of Brunei and decidedly the worst of his father's children to run the tiny country. He had his father's good looks, to be sure, but it's just too bad that he was so fucking stupid. Cynthia had him pegged as a himbo, decent to get along with but not someone who should be trusted with the reins of power. She made a mental note to either sideline him or co-opt before Brunei got the talking stick next term.
"They actually purchased it through a hidden shell company before absconding with both the funds and the Oshun," whispered Zainab, "and actually I think this is the second one they stole."
Cynthia had several questions, although she had a feeling that the extensive briefing package that Zainab had left on her desk would answer most of them while leaving her with a dozen more. She chose the better part of valour in this case, especially since Sultan Hussein had just accused Khalis Iskandar, the Yang di-Pertuan Agong of Malaysia, of letting the orang-utans steal a space station. Cynthia was wholly uncertain of when the jungle-dwelling primates had obtained orbital spaceflight capability - or when they had apparently become organized enough to steal strategic assets from the Nusantara League.
A lot of theft had been happening, apparently, because there somehow were sky pirates hijacking cargo airships shuttling goods and supplies from the Oshun colonies in the Nanyang to the garrison-cities in the West Papua Highlands. All of this had been censored judiciously by the Ministry of Communications and Information, of course, which was why this was the first that Cynthia had heard of it. The image she had in her mind of ungainly, bloated spheres and ovoids floating in the upper stratosphere having a slow-motion dogfight made her snort in a most undignified fashion, earning her a glare of reproach from Zainab but thankfully going ignored by the arguing men in the room.
Ah, now they were arguing about the sky pirates again. Cynthia supposed it was as good a time as any to speak up.
"Gentlemen!" she politely interrupted, "I'd appreciate it if you could all please take a moment to remove your heads from your backsides and tell me what the fuck has been going on around here."
A moment of stunned silence - clearly they didn't expect her to speak so soon, or so forcefully. And then-
"The Japanese are blackmailing us!" par for the course, then.
"Himavanta is now run by a vampire king!" big deal, Eden had a bunch.
"Starla wants to start a space traffic police!" a very Singaporean solution.
"The orang-utans stole a floating fortress!" yes we've been over this.
Cynthia blinked, mentally sorting through the various pieces of disjointed information that her erstwhile peers were throwing at her while feeling a growing headache slowly start to make its way to the forefront. She decided to head that off.
"Okay," she began, waving her hand to silence the men while simultaneously flaring her sari's built-in holographic glamours to display a ring of burning purple behind her. "Only a few of these require immediate action. Let the Angkatan Antariksa and Ministry of Extraorbital Affairs work out the details of the space traffic regulations on their own. Starla and her team have our trust. I want our stations from Luna to Saturn to be able to work free from fear of a storm of spaceship debris rocketing through their orbits."
A blink, and the message was sent to Nusantara's first space admiral with the green light to proceed.
"Next, Japan. My predecessor lacked a backbone when dealing with them, I think. We're prickly enough for them to avoid war, at least for now. Kemenhan needs to reinforce the Krakatau railgun grid - have them send me a budgetary proposal and outline by tomorrow. I want our skies safe. And get Civil Defence to run more simulations for the flood barriers and evacuation plans - if Japan can set off targeted tsunamis at will, we need to protect what we can and be ready to recover immediately. Hell, we can't afford another 2004, either. And for the love of god, someone figure out what they're talking about - did one of you order a raid on their station?!"
Zainab nodded, directives already sent off. A round of shrugs from around the room.
"Next, the orang-utans. I believe…?" Cynthia paused for a moment, swiping along the projected tablet before her, "we have an…understanding of sorts with them, correct? Send a missive to this…Librarian. We can't afford an enemy within our midst, nor can we forget the debt our ancestors owed to the people of the forest. See what they want, and stop letting them steal our shit."
A sip of teh tarik - this really was magical stuff. Out of the corner of her eye, Cynthia saw Zainab shoot her a small wink and a sly smirk.
"Now, the vampire king of...'Aimodipsitrela'? I can't be pronouncing that right," she grimaced. "Anyways, what makes him so special? I recall there were a bunch of them running around in Eden back in the 60s. Just shore up our northern border - that means you, Khalis - and make sure we have enough fighters to hold them off and maintain our other obligations. Oh, and tell Kemlu to send their most annoying FSO to speak with this 'Aima' and see what he wants. ...also it wouldn't hurt to speak with some clergy and get them to bless some railgun rounds."
The Yang di-Pertuan Agong of Malaysia seemed nonplussed by this callout, though Cynthia had it in writing that the North Peninsular Military Command had been slacking with staffing numbers and training. Kemenhan and the Angkatan Bersenjata's Command Masjlis would have to make up for the shortfall somehow.
The rest of the Masjlis Persekutuan session was a blur - Cynthia was certain that Zainab had spiked her drink with some stimulants for her to be this on-the-ball. Magical grandmother indeed. She remembered lots of special projects being accelerated - arming the Garuda transatmospheric shuttles at LAPAN was one, and approving some idiot-savant's idea to strap a railgun to a Kahyangan stratospheric platform over the Nanyang was another. Nusantara had long been the arsenal of democracy in backing the Bandung Pact in its perennial wars with the Arab states, and despite their final defeat there was no time for this Persekutuan to rest on its laurels.
Whether the rest of the Pact knew that, she thought, was a different question, and one that required a finer touch.
Although, as the other leaders filed out of the council chamber and off to their respective capitals, Cynthia was for the time being just glad to have them out of her hair. Nusantara's brand of democracy had its strengths, for sure, but after hearing the assembled idiots bicker she wished that she could just beat them all with the talking stick instead.

Nusantara at a glance

Country	Population	GDP	GDP per Capita
Indonesia	506,206,527	$32,739,707,273,722	$64,676.58
Malaysia	53,599,571	$3,841,715,696,256	$71,674.37
Singapore	8,463,211	$1,488,634,797,817	$175,894.80
Brunei	1,232,699	$157,444,269,812	$127,723.21
Nusantara Proper	569,502,009	$38,227,502,037,606	$67,124.44
Nanyang Republic	3,172,000	$187,269,392,440	$59,038.27
Orang-utan Communes	550,000 (est.)	How do you value the Earth?	What use is money to the Forest Folk?
Nusantara Outre-Terre	300,000 (est.)	$52,768,439,239	$175,894.80

Dramatis personae

Position	Name	Affiliation	Country
Yang di-Pertuan Nusantara	Cynthia Ramakrishnan-Lai Anjia	Nusantara Raya Alliance/People's Action Party	Singapore
President of Indonesia	Arif Rahman Pratama	Green Archipelago/PKB	Indonesia
Yang di-Pertuan Agong of Malaysia	Khalis Iskandar	Hope for the Future/Pakatan Harapan	Malaysia
Sultan of Brunei	Hussein Jean-Pierre ibni 'Abdul Mateen Bolkia	N/A	Brunei
Menteri Luar Negeri (MFA)	Rina Agustina Lestari	Nusantara Raya Alliance/Demokrat	Indonesia
Menteri Pertahanan (MND)	Rafiq Abdul Rahman	Nusantara Raya Alliance/People's Action Party	Singapore
Menteri Komunikasi dan Informatika (MCommInfo)	Émilie Alessia Koenig-Park Ji-soo	Nusantara Raya Alliance/Barisan Nasional	Malaysia
Menteri Urusan Persekutuan (MFedA)	Aisha Maria Syarifah	Nusantara Raya Alliance/Demokrat	Indonesia
Commander, Angkatan Antariksa / Laksamana Antariksa	Starla Devi Prasetyopuri	Angkatan Antariksa	Indonesia
Laksamana Madya / Interim Military Governor, Muscat (Bandung Occupation Zone)	Arsène Josephe-Marie Dubois-Chan Ngan-tai	Angkatan Laut	Singapore
Librarian of the Orang-utans	The Librarian	Orang-utan communes	?
President of the Nanyang Republic	Zhao Wei	United Front	Nanyang Republic

Yesterday I did something to my back (22F). I lifted a bin (maybe 15 pounds at most) and got severe pain in my lower back. Went to the ER after a couple hours of ice, heat, pain killers and stretching. It is extremely painful to move. Twisting, walking and sitting are all very painful for me to deal with. The pain impacts my right leg when walking as I get a lot of pain when I put weight onto it. At the ER they gave me robaxin and oxycodone which did nothing to change the pain level. They sent me home with a referral to a PT and some muscle relaxers. I am feeling very depressed and saddened at this sudden injury as I bartend to make a living. Any advice? Whether it be physical or mental advice, I just need something to keep me from feeling extremely depressed and down about this whole ordeal. It has been hard to walk more than 15 feet without help, and bending over is almost impossible. I feel like everything just flipped upside down. I just started a new job this week which makes this even more stressful as I cannot finish training in this condition.

Previous case
Victor hadn't been kidding when he'd said that the mechanic was going to become more aggressive. The only reason why this week wasn't my last was because I'd had Orion behind me as well as a plethora of precautions in place.
(If you're not familiar with what Orion Pest Control's services are, it may help to start here.)
For example, at Orion, all employees are advised to get lockboxes for their mail rather than regular mailboxes. It would be far too easy for a Neighbor to follow one of us home and fish out a piece of mail to find our names. This is only recommended for people who've had frequent or unpleasant interactions with the Neighbors.
You could also ward off your mailbox with iron. Salt, as always, would work as well, but I'm sure your mailman wouldn't appreciate getting seasoned every time he simply tries to give you your junk mail.
When it comes to monetary transactions, cash or pre-loaded debit cards are the safest, unless you can be certain beyond a reasonable doubt that the person ringing you out is human.
Another precaution that I've taken when it comes to the mechanic is that I've bought a cast iron fire poker from an antique store. Iron is one of the most effective weapons against the Neighbors, though it's best to think of it as an allergy rather than a perfect repellant. Some Neighbors will crumple instantly if they're within a few feet of it while others need direct contact in order to cause anything worse than hive-covered burns.
Given that the mechanic must have frequent exposure to iron during his daytime profession, I have to wonder how effective it is against him. I do see him wearing gloves from time to time, so it must do something, even if it's a minor skin irritation. Either it's a pride thing or he's just that committed to the ‘mechanic’ bit.
I've been keeping the poker in the company truck. Even if it's not lethal to him, I’m sure that getting smacked over the head with it probably wouldn't feel too good. Along with that, I've restocked my salt shells. If the mechanic decides to try anything, he'll have an arsenal waiting for him.
I don't have any delusions about being able to kill him. I think that's something only a true hero could accomplish. I'm talking about legendary individuals like Cú Chullainn, Beowulf, or Māui. People whose deeds are so great that their stories live on to this day. Find someone like that in the modern age. (Though, I would argue that Marc-André Fluery comes close. Flyers fans, don't interact.)
Reyna suggested bathing the hagstone in saltwater to amplify its deterring effects. She also wrapped red thread along the outside of the ring, explaining that it should help enhance its protective properties.
It's a good thing, too. Since my last interaction with the mechanic, promptly at dusk, I would hear the beating of wings outside, and always from the west. I risked a glance out the window one night to find a murder of crows. Ever since I saw that the birds’ shadows move independently of their owners, I don't look at them. I ignore their calls. I know who they serve.
After Reyna's additions, the hagstone vibrates against my chest whenever they're near.
However, in my case, these were only temporary solutions, unless I wanted to be looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life and fearing death even more than I did before. But in the meantime… raccoons.
A client called about hearing scratching and chattering in her attic. Her uninvited guest also put a hole in her siding. In other words, it was enough of a mess to momentarily distract me from my own problems.
Raccoons are incredibly destructive, chewing up anything that they can get their little hands on. From the client's description, it sounded like we could be dealing with a nest. Mother raccoons can be especially feisty when it comes to protecting their young, so I had Reyna join me in case there were any kits.
At Orion, we are licensed to use humane trapping methods on smaller wildlife, so don't worry, no garbage kitties are being harmed. Though I want yinz to know that raccoons are not to be underestimated. They may not try to take your soul, like some pests out there will, but they can spread a variety of diseases, including rabies and roundworm among others. They also present a major fire hazard when they claw their way into a home since they can chew through wiring like nothing.
The first thing we had to do was identify the garbage kitties’ entry point. Reyna opted to go on the roof while I investigated the attic.
The first thing I noticed was the telltale stench of dried urine. Yup, those were droppings over there in the corner. Delightful. Looking around, I found that the raccoons had torn out a few chunks of the insulation, but nothing that wouldn't be too difficult or expensive to replace. All in all, it seemed like it'd be an easy call.
Then I felt the hagstone begin to tremble. Not long after, Reyna screamed.
I rushed out, my heart surging with panic as I was greeted with the frenzied calls of crows. Shit! They followed me.
She was on the ground, swinging her silver-tipped knife clumsily against the swarm of black feathers swirling around her. I heard her cry out again as I got closer to her, then suddenly, the cloud of feathers dispersed, twisting towards the sky with a cacophony of angered caws. Reyna had managed to get some salt on them before they could gouge her eyes out.
My hand was coated with blood as I guided Reyna towards the house. She'd managed to keep her eyes, but they’d shredded her with their beaks and talons. I could feel her shaking as we retreated from the horde. Reyna tried to hide it, but she was crying, the tears mingling with the blood covering her nose and cheeks like a bandit's mask.
The whole time, the hagstone didn't stop vibrating. I think that was the only thing keeping the horde from coming after us. Their calls were piercing as we took cover in the house.
The client was alarmed when she saw the state Reyna was in, “What psycho ass raccoons do I have?!”
I promised I'd explain later (I honestly don't remember what bullshit story I gave her) then asked her to watch over Reyna as I went out to get the emergency first aid kit we keep in the truck.
Reyna held me in a grip so tight that it left bruises, pleading, “Don't go out there! Please!”
Now that we weren't on the run, I could see the injuries on her face more clearly. The deepest one went through her right eyebrow towards the bridge of her nose. The rest were shallow, painful-looking cuts that criss crossed over her skin.
“They can't come near me. And I’ve got something in the truck that’ll make them think twice.” I assured her.
She didn't let go. I couldn't find it in me to pry her fingers off, so instead, I put my hand over hers, hoping that it was comforting.
The client gently pressed a paper towel to the side of Reyna’s face, her voice heart-achingly motherly as she uttered, “It's okay, honey. Everything's going to be alright.”
I'm not sure if it was from pain or something else, but Reyna noticeably stiffened when the client spoke to her in that maternal tone, closing her eyes as if to keep more tears from falling. Her clutch loosened until my wrist was freed, her hand dropping limply to her side.
The fucking birds sounded like they were laughing when I marched out to the truck. The sound grated on me as I snatched the fire poker and the first aid kit.
“Laugh at this!” I snapped as I swung the poker at the nearest crow.
It let out a squeal as the poker grazed its wing, hopping as far out of reach as it could afterwards. They didn't cackle after that.
After we cleaned Reyna's injuries up, they didn't look quite as terrible, but just to be safe, I dragged her to the hospital. Thankfully, the client was an absolute angel about the whole thing and understood that one of our employees being injured was going to be a setback. I called up Victor to inform him of the situation as well as the entry points that we’d found; he took over where Reyna and I left off.
On the way to the hospital, Reyna muttered, “So… does my little Alfred Hitchcock moment initiate me as an official Orion employee?”
Wearily, I gave her a small chuckle, “Yeah, you're one of us, now. Lucky you!”
“Hey, I’ll take the murder birds over Psycho Mantis.” She replied with a small smile.
Her nickname for the mechanic. I think it's from a video game. I don't know. Never quite got into them.
It was quiet for a moment. The smile faded away as she distantly said, “I think that's how they do it. They take your eyes, they take you, you know?”
I nodded, feeling a lump in the back of my throat, thinking about how the mechanic can control someone just by meeting their gaze. “I think you might be right about that.”
I couldn't help but wonder if the Hunt had attacked her simply because she's an Orion employee or if they were drawn to her because of something else. Was she grieving over something? I didn't know her well enough at that point to be able to tell. They hadn't hesitated to go for her eyes. If that was the case, that'd make her the most vulnerable of the three of us.
Another thing I want yinz to know when it comes to dealing with the atypical: if you or a loved one has been harmed, one of the best things you can do is to support the victim. And if you need support yourself, ignore that stupid little voice in your head that tells you not to bother anyone and reach out. Isolation will destroy you in more ways than one.
After I got Reyna settled at the hospital, I made a beeline to the river to find another hagstone. Clearly, Reyna was going to need one, too.
Naturally, the stupid birds followed me, causing my hagstone to quiver nonstop. I went into the woods armed with my toolbelt and the iron poker. I opted out of taking the shotgun simply because I was going to need a free hand to look for another hagstone. There was a part of me that hoped that one of them would try something so that I'd have the opportunity to smack the shit out of them.
While I was searching, among the crows’ calls, I heard whispers. They sounded close, like they came from behind some brush about twenty feet away, but I believed the False Egg when it said that the whispering thing likes to confuse its victims. Without listening to what they were saying, I glanced around as the river's cold water rushed around my boots, trying to figure out what was stalking me.
The whispers pretended to move further away. But still, I couldn't see the thing causing them. I clutched the poker tighter. The crows had stopped their chattering. They heard the voices, too. Hold on. What were they all looking at?
Gingerly, I pulled out the hagstone and held it to my eye in the direction of the crows' gazes. At first, it looked like one of the trees, until I was able to make out a triangular head with eyes the size of basketballs. It held up two massive, folded appendages that were lined with sharp spines. It looked to be as tall as a draft horse, yet it was so still that I couldn't even tell if this huge animal was breathing. The whispers were quieter than they'd ever been before.
Those huge eyes were fixed on me. I didn’t dare move.
One of the ‘crows’ glided to the ground near to the whispering thing, passing in front of my field of view. I stifled a shudder when I saw the state of its frail, humanoid body. Its skin clung like molten wax to its ribs and spine. Tattered wings extended from the sides of its torso, the feathers looking as if they were ripped from numerous other avians and fused to the miserable animal's stretched, contorted arms to make it fly. Where the eyes should have been were empty sockets. A curved beak had been forced onto the creature as well, driven into the skull hard enough to leave ridged, fleshy lumps.
Now that I've seen it, I think the crows were human, once. Transformed and disfigured to serve the Wild Hunt.
The crow shuffled a little too close to the whispering thing. Quicker than a blink, the whispering thing's folded appendage shot forward, curving around the crow's midsection, spikes driving into the crow's torso. My mind could barely keep up as the whispering thing then bit the crow's head clean off with a terrible crunch.
The other crows began to frenzy, shrieking as they dove towards the whispering thing. Without having to take a step, it snatched another crow out of the air. Flesh ripped with a wet tearing sound.
Since the animals were all focused on each other, I took the opportunity to dig frantically around for a hagstone, holding my own against my eye in the hopes it would lead me to another one.
There was a low hum that I felt more than heard. Deep within my chest, as if I was standing next to an amp at a concert. This was followed by an enraged screech from one of the crows. Still, I kept looking.
There had to be one. There just had to be!
One circular, black rock stood out among the rest, the water seeming to outline it from the view of my hagstone. There! I plucked it out of the water, looking over my shoulder to see if either the crows or the whispering thing were paying attention to me. They were too engrossed with trying to tear each other apart.
I shoved the black hagstone into my pocket and made a break for it, poker at the ready. One of the crows noticed and let out an ear-splitting cry to alert the others.
As I ran, I checked back to see that three of the crows split off to pursue me. I wasn't worried about them catching me. The whispering thing was another matter. This was only my second time encountering it and I hadn't had enough information to identify it, so I didn't want to find out the hard way if the defenses I had on me would be enough to stop it from tearing me apart like it did the crows.
There was another low hum that rumbled against my ribs as the whispering thing used one of its forelegs to swipe a crow out of its way. It had lost interest in them, its huge amber eyes focused on me once again. I prayed that the crows swarming around it would be enough to slow it down.
As I raced through the trees back to where the company truck waited, the whispers started anew. They became louder and clearer the faster I went, interrupted by the shrill cries of the crows tailing me. I did my best not to listen to any of them. The last thing I needed was to get led astray by any of my pursuers.
A crow swooped close enough for me to smack it with the poker. The sound the bird made when the iron scalded its skin made my teeth clench. The others joined it, bringing me to my knees, my ears ringing. High pitched, grating, like broken glass against a chalkboard. Disoriented, I swung desperately with the iron poker again, not hitting anything.
And among all that, the whispers hadn't stopped. My head rang, ears going numb. I swung again. One of the shrieks stopped as the poker found its mark. Even as the auditory assault continued, I got to my feet, grabbing the trees closest to me to keep myself going. The whispers became even more frantic as its prey got further and further away. The truck was right there.
The two crows tailing me had finally stopped their dreadful screaming and simmered down to furious clicking sounds with their beaks, as if they could think of nothing but stripping the flesh from my bones.
When one tested the limits of the hagstone as I got close to the truck, I swatted at it with the poker, the tip colliding with the creature's skull. The crow’s body crashed against an oak’s trunk, then went still.
As soon as I cleared the treeline, the whispering stopped. I looked over my shoulder. The whispering thing was retreating, only visible for a brief moment before blending in among the trees.
It couldn't leave the forest. That was good to know.
I closed myself into the truck, leaving the furious crows outside. They glared at me from the branches of a nearby oak. After taking a moment to collect myself, I drove back to the hospital, wanting to hand the black hagstone off to Reyna before anything else.
At a stop sign, I got a text from Victor: he had finished setting traps for the client's raccoon infestation and was going to meet me at the hospital.
Reyna was chilling in her hospital bed, face bandaged, wearing a hideous blue hospital gown decorated with faded green and pink squares.
“Guess who got her rabies shots!” She announced with a sleepy grin, holding her hand up in a shaka.
Someone was clearly given the good painkillers.
Victor arrived a few minutes later, wearing a black mask that covered his mouth and nose, smelling strongly of lavender. It made my nose itch.
“Why do you smell like an old lady?” I complained.
The mask intensified his withering stare, voice muffled by the mask, “Lotta blood around here. Probably wouldn't be too good if I smelled it.”
Reyna chimed in, slurring slightly, “If you're gonna eat anyone, go for the receptionist. He was reading Anne Rice, so he'd probably be into it.”
It was Reyna's turn to get The Glare. He said flatly, “You're high as a kite, aren't you?”
Reyna flashed a peace sign.
To summarize Reyna's condition, she's as okay as she can be. They had to close up her eyebrow and cheek, and they gave her a plethora of shots to make sure that she didn't catch any diseases from the crows. The hospital doctor wanted to keep her overnight to make sure that she didn't have an infection, then afterwards, she was going to take some time off of work to recover.
Also, I slipped the black hagstone into her purse so that it wouldn't be misplaced.
After we discussed Reyna's injuries, I decided to address the elephant in the room, “So… what can we do about the mechanic?”
Reyna shrugged, “Grovel and plead for our lives?”
Victor rubbed his eyes. “We might be a bit past that point.”
I asked Victor about the specifics of his deal with the mechanic. I knew that there had to be some sort of condition that had to be fulfilled before the mechanic could take someone, otherwise I probably wouldn't be alive to type this right now. Reyna was equally curious.
The boss seemed reluctant to speak on this matter, at first. I told Victor that he didn't have to share anything if there was any possibility of retaliation. The last thing I wanted was for him to be punished in some horrific manner for trying to help me.
He eventually shrugged a shoulder in resignation, “Whatever happens, I can handle it. It didn't take him long to figure out that I was the one that helped you find the hagstone. That wasn't pleasant, but…” He went quiet for a second, his eyes glazing in a way that reminded me of when I first came home from active duty. He then shrugged again, “I'm willing to risk it if that means getting a chance to hurt him back someday. Lord knows it's been a long time coming.”
He didn't tell us what the consequences had been for assisting me, and neither Reyna nor I pressed the issue. Some mysteries are best left unsolved.
Even though I was nervous to hear the answer, I didn't pull any punches and straight up asked, “Why hasn't the mechanic sent you after me yet?”
Victor considered for a moment, then explained, “I'm not sure on the specifics, since the mechanic doesn’t tell me anything other than what I need to know to get the job done. But from what I can tell, he takes those who are dead, dying, or… ‘dead inside,’ I guess is the best way to put it. Some souls appear to be harder for him to take than others. The hard ones need to be… broken down first. As of right now, he says you're not ready.”
Reyna numbly asked, “So if the birds tried to nab me, does that mean that I am ‘ready’? That they could take me at any moment?”
Victor hesitated before replying, “We won't let that happen. Alright?”
Reyna nodded, eyes low.
I wanted to ask her what was going on. Figure out why she was suffering in a way that made her fair game to the crows. But she'd been through enough for one day. That discussion could wait for another time.
My next question was another one that I dreaded the answer to, “And where do you come into all of this, Vic?”
Regretfully, Victor admitted, “I bring him the ones that are ready if he can't get to them himself.”
He glanced at Reyna, “As of right now, keep that hagstone on at all times. Even wear it when you're sleeping. The mechanic didn't know who you were initially, but I guarantee the fucking Lessers tipped him off. I think he’s more focused on Nessa, at the moment, but if I get sent after you, hit me with iron, salt me, do whatever and don't feel bad about it. Same goes for you, Nessa.”
I hated this. I hated that he was being used like this. I hated that he spoke about someday being sent to drag one of us to meet our fate at the hands of the Wild Hunt as if it was unavoidable.
The air suddenly felt like it was much thinner in the room. Somehow, I got enough oxygen to ask, “What if I learned the mechanic's true name? Would that end this?”
Victor let out a soft scoff, rubbing the bridge of his nose over his mask, “Probably, but good luck with that.”
I had already figured that the mechanic wouldn't dance around a fire singing his true name all willy nilly like Rumpelstiltskin. But I couldn't accept that all of us were screwed. There had to be a way. I had to believe that there was a way.
I announced that I'd be back in the morning. Reyna looked as concerned as her painkillers would allow, while Victor jumped out of his seat.
“What are you going to do?” He demanded.
“I'm going to talk to him.” I replied. “One of us is in the hospital and another one of us is undead-”
“I know it's looking bad right now, but they can easily get worse if whatever you're thinking of doing goes south.” He cautioned.
“I'm just going to see if there's some way I can… I don't know, talk him down? I haven't gotten that far yet, but something needs to be done.”
He didn't look convinced, and with how terrible my argument was, I don't blame him. “I'll go with you.”
I motioned towards Reyna. “And leave her alone?”
Reyna, looking like she was fighting sleep, groggily said, “I got the adder stone and I'm in public. I'll be fine. If you're going to confront Psycho Mantis, you're going to need Vic around more than I will.”
Victor agreed, “Like it or not, you're not handling this alone. Remember what I told you when you got hired in?”
We're not heroes, we're pest control specialists.
You know that thing I said about not isolating yourself? I can be bad about not following my own advice sometimes, especially that one.
Going forward, I do want to note that the decisions that were made on that night were extremely risky and I don't recommend for anyone to repeat them. Believe it or not, we are professionals.
On our way to our destination, we stopped by the 24-hr convenience store. Victor was about to question me until he saw me go for the whipped cream. I also got s'mores supplies, thinking that maybe some bribery would make the mechanic more amiable. I figured that if he rejected them then, hey, I like s'mores, too.
Afterwards, we followed the path to the skull trees.
During our hike, Victor whispered, “That fucker is hubris incarnate, but he's not stupid. If he offers you a deal, know that it's not going to be in your favor. And be careful with the way that he twists words.”
Something noteworthy is that the hagstone doesn't react to Victor. I think it's because he doesn't have the same malicious intentions as his captors. He may have changed after his murder (hell, anyone would) but at his heart, he was still Victor. Meanwhile, as we got closer to the skull tree clearing, I felt the stone gradually begin to quake.
Up ahead, orange light flickered. The mechanic had a small fire going. He lay on a blanket next to it, that cursed banjo on the ground beside him, one arm folded under his head, legs crossed at the ankle. His eyes were closed.
He didn't open them as he greeted us, “I was wondering when you two would show up.”
Keeping my nerves buried beneath the surface, I held up the bag of sugary goodness. “I'm here to negotiate.”
He laughed, still not looking at me. “Are you, now? And what exactly do you think a little thing of cream will get ya?”
“Not much, I imagine.” I said evenly. “But I thought it'd be a good jumping off point.”
Even though I’d originally protested Victor coming with me, I was glad that he was there. I don't think I would've been able to be so level-headed if I'd met with the mechanic alone. It would probably be interpreted as a sign of weakness, but I was counting on that.
As soon as I saw the mechanic begin to crane his neck towards us, I slammed my eyelids shut. He knew way more about me than I'd ever wanted him to know already, and I was afraid of giving him more.
Again, another potential sign of weakness. When it came to trying to get him to back off of Orion a bit, I figured it'd be best if he underestimated me.
I didn't have to see the mechanic to know that he had that wicked grin on his face, “Alrighty. Let's see what you've got.”
A hand that was as cold as the grave gently removed the bag of goodies from my grasp. Victor. Wordlessly, he brought the cavity-inducing offering over to the mechanic. I never realized how quiet his footsteps were until then. He moved like a shadow. He could've been five feet away or five hundred, for all I knew.
There was the rustling of plastic, followed by the trademark sound of whipped cream being sprayed from the nozzle. Sounding slightly less prick-ish, the mechanic told me I had his attention.
I had been trying to find the magic words that would make this whole situation blow over. Nothing that I came up with in my head fit that description.
So I decided to be straight forward, then go from there. “What will it take to de-escalate things between you and Orion?”
The whipped cream wailed once again. A moment later, the mechanic replied, “Why are you asking a question that you already know the answer to?”
“Other than my soul.”
He chuckled softly, the sound too casual and charming for this sinister discussion.
“You know, I’m curious, puppydog,” Fabric rustled. Without looking, I assumed he'd sat up, “Which o’ your parents are you most like?”
Here we fucking go.
I tried to redirect him, “With all due respect, that isn't relevant.”
“Oh, but it is.” His tone of voice brought chills to the back of my neck. “You see, I'd be willing to take a trade. Find a soul as mouth-waterin’ as yours, and all this goes away. Hell, I might even let you rest in peace! You know what choice your father would pick.”
I was hoping that the firelight wouldn't be enough for him to see my face flush and my jaw stiffen. That had touched a nerve, just as he knew it would.
That was also a horrible deal. One that I wouldn't even consider. There was no way that I could condemn someone else to an afterlife of torment. I wouldn't wish that on anyone, not even that weasel-faced client that I rescued the False Egg from. Not even my father.
Swallowing back the plethora of terrible emotions threatening to bubble up, I suddenly felt Victor subtly squeeze my shoulder supportively. Under normal circumstances, he wouldn't hesitate to give anyone who insulted his employees a piece of his mind, but the mechanic was the last Neighbor to mouth off to. That was the best he could do for me, in the moment.
When I informed the mechanic that I wouldn't sacrifice someone else to save my own skin, he laughed again, “If only you knew how many times I heard those exact words! Thing is, I ain't even got started on you, pup. Given enough time, you might find you're more like your old man than you thought.”
I took a deep breath to keep the mixture of dread and anger confined to my chest, then calmly replied, “Sounds like you know exactly how everything will play out. Isn't that boring for you?”
The tension that filled the air after those words left my mouth made my chest feel tight.
The whipped cream can wheezed thoughtfully before the mechanic mildly admitted, “A bit, yeah.”
There it is.
“You already have all of the advantages,” I started, “It’s not much of a hunt if your prey can't even run, is it? There's no challenge in killing something that's already baited and trapped.”
“So, what do you suggest?”
Oh boy. I was about to do one of many things I warned yinz not to do: “The only way I can bring you the excitement you're craving is if I have a fighting chance. And a good one. I'll be searching for your name, but I need to know where to look first.”
His laughter made me suppress a shudder. I remember thinking that I should've known that he'd see through my words like he saw through everything else.
The mechanic then said, “I know what you're trying to do, pup. But the problem is, you're right! It's too easy anymore, especially since y'alls names are just available on the internet for anyone to find. I've been getting kind of soft lately.”
This was his soft side?
The mechanic continued, “You really think you can pull this off, pup? I know you're a fighter and all, but you're not a warrior, not really. Being a soldier ain't the same thing.”
“I may not be Cú Chullainn, but I'm as close as you're going to get in Mercer County. We've got a bit of a warrior shortage around here.”
He snorted, “You seem awfully sure of yourself for someone who can't even look at me.”
“I'm not sure about anything. That's why I'm here, isn't it?”
It was quiet for a moment with only the frogs chirping in the forest able to find their voices. Not even the whipped cream broke up the silence this time. I was tempted to risk peeking through my eyelashes, but managed to resist.
Just as my nerves started getting to me, the mechanic said, “So, you want me to give you a hint. That's a lot to ask, but you knew that already.”
“You want something in return.”
“Hagstone. Smash it.”
No way. It was too valuable. If I gave that up, I was dead. I promptly shook my head.
He sounded amused. “Shoulda known you wouldn't fall for that.”
Looking back, I wondered how many he'd tricked like that. Giving up some form of protection after being misled into thinking the mechanic was going to let them go, only to regret it seconds later. Probably far too many.
He continued, “Alright then, we'll talk for real. I'll give you that hint, but I got some conditions. You get three chances to guess correctly. Each time you guess wrong, you have to give me one of your names starting with your first, middle, then last name. Don't try fucking with me by trying to pass your middle name off as your first.”
That made my throat tighten even more. If I agreed to that, failure wouldn't just spell disaster for me, but for everyone I knew as well. I'd be dragging my mom and anyone else associated down with me. I'd essentially be doing what he already requested: sacrificing others to save my own skin.
I heard Victor faintly, from my right, “Don't!”
The mechanic wasn't pleased, “This ain't about you, blue eyes. This is between me and her.”
The stakes were getting way too high. I couldn't do this. But then what? The Hunt wasn't going to wait around for me to find another way, assuming that there even was one. Victor clearly thought it was a terrible idea. For the record, I did, too. I could feel the boss' eyes on me, willing me not to forget what he'd said earlier about dangerous heroics.
Maybe there was another way and I just couldn't see it. But desperation has a way of messing with your head.
“If I agreed to this,” I started, knowing that I was probably digging my grave even deeper. “And I haven't agreed to anything, just to be clear. If I did this, I'd need the assurance that you won't send your crows or hounds or any others that serve the Wild Hunt after those that I care about. That includes my colleagues and me, for that matter. Like you said, this is between us two.”
The mechanic chuckled and I heard him shift again. “You're feeling awfully bold tonight, aren't you?”
I reminded him, “You want this to be interesting, don't you?”
He considered, then with a click of his tongue replied, “You hear that, blue eyes? Means you, as well. On both sides, mind you. Same with that witch doctor. Yeah, I know about her. I keep mine out of it, if you keep yours out. All's fair, right?”
I didn't feel right with any of this, but the alternative was for things to continue as they were. If that happened, we were all screwed anyway.
“And if I agreed, the hint that you provide will have to be both true and helpful. And it'll also be given in easily understandable American English, no riddles or puzzles or any other forms of confusing phrasing. You’d also have to give it to me tonight. The whole thing would begin after that.”
Once again, he laughed, “Shit, you're not messin' around!”
I know how the Neighbors do deals. If I hadn't mentioned it, he probably would've given me the hint in the form of a riddle spoken in backwards Gaelic.
“Alright, pup, I get the picture. You know what you're dealing with. I’ll play nice.”
His voice had a subtle sardonic edge. Nothing about this was going to be nice, if I chose to go this route, but that wasn't news.
“Oh, and one more thing!” The mechanic added a little too cheerfully. “You have until Samhain. I’m sure you know why.”
It's June already; still a good while away from October, but this year feels like it’s flying by fast, like every other year following 2020. He didn't have to explain why: the Wild Hunt are at their most powerful during Samhain, which for those who don't know, was a Celtic holiday that eventually gave birth to Halloween. It's when the veil between the atypical world and ours is thinnest.
In short, it's a busy day for Orion. Looks like it’s going to be even worse this year.
Victor spoke again, “Can I talk to her for a moment?”
“Nope. You don't get a say. Either she takes it or leaves it.” The mechanic answered curtly.
As I deliberated, there were subtle taps on a tree nearby. Hold on. Morse code. M-I-S-S-I-N-G. What was I missing? Maybe it was because I hadn't clearly spelled out what I wanted to happen if I correctly guessed the mechanic's identity.
“If I accept this bet, then if I find your name, you’ll relinquish your claim on my soul, as well as all other Orion employees, whether they're living, dead, or undead. Have I made that clear?”
After a moment, the mechanic answered, the smirk blatant in his voice, “You have now.”
Of course. It was so simple. If I had gone through with the deal without being specific about the outcome, the mechanic wouldn't have been obliged to release any of us. I would've done all the work to identify him for nothing. Tricky bastard.
Thanks, Victor.
With a heavy sigh, I politely asked the mechanic to repeat everything that we'd just discussed to make sure that he wasn't going to conveniently forget something. To my surprise, he did it without comment, though he sounded like he thought the whole thing was funny. He left nothing out.
When I say that agreeing to this deal was one of the hardest things I've ever done, I mean it.
I instantly had second thoughts the moment I heard the mechanic stand up and cheerfully say, “Well, you ready for that hint? You’re gonna wanna open your eyes for this. I can show you better than I can tell you.”
Oh God, I made a mistake! No. I could do this. I had to.
Black cherries. He was in front of me. Steeling myself, I opened my eyes. The mechanic stood as close as the hagstone would allow, a dark silhouette in front of the crackling flames.
“Blue eyes, would you mind holding puppydog’s hagstone for her? Wouldn't want that gettin’ lost, now, would we?”
What?!
“Don’t get all frantic, I can’t do shit to you until you get your hint, per our agreement,” The mechanic said dismissively as Victor approached me. “You’ll get it back after.”
Victor looked apologetic as he gently removed the most powerful defense I had. He had an odd glint in his eye. Was that defiance?
I’ll get you out of this, Vic. I promise.
The very moment that he was able to, the mechanic grabbed my chin, forcing me to meet his eyes.
A church surrounded by black water… A great feast of viscera and wildflowers… Black thorns drinking the blood of the unworthy… The great antlered headdress of the White Son of Mist… Pricking his finger on those horns… He signed in blood…
Victor pulled me back, not giving the mechanic even a picosecond to take full advantage of being outside of the hagstone’s influence. If he hadn't been holding me up, I would've been on the ground, still recovering from what I'd just seen.
“You find that ledger, you find me.” The mechanic said coolly.
That church. It reminded me of something. In the morning, I’m going to check our records. For now, I just want to crash. I'll keep yinz updated.
On the bright side, there weren't any crows waiting for me when I got home.
(Here's an index of all the cases I've discussed so far.)

I AM NOT ASKING FOR SOURCES, I AM NOT ASKING FOR ANY DOCTOR NAMES.I AM NOT ASKING ANYONE TO DM ME. JUST LOOKING FOR ADVICE
I have Degenerative Disc Disease, and plenty other spine issues documented on MRI’s, other scans and documents. I tried every other option I could to get relief from the pain, and many different medications, none gave me any relief. Even knowing the risks with opioid medications I was out of options, any they have been a life saver for me. So For the past 5 years i’ve been getting high dose Oxycodone prescribed to me monthly from my primary care physician. I need it to walk, and function daily. For 5 years I’ve been on the same dose, never ran out early, never needed to increase the dosage. My doctor is dropping younger patients (like me) that he prescribes these types of medications to. He’s insinuated that if I was elderly he’d continue it. I’m not sure if it’s my state NJ cracking down. I also get benzodiazepines prescribed from a psychiatrist, i’ve heard the DEA is targeting people who get both prescribed, not sure if that’s the issue here, but I’m hoping to find a way to continue getting my prescription. I’ve tried google & Bing, not much help, I’d rather hear from someone who has been through this same process. Or has good advice on how to proceed.
If anyone has been through this issue themselves, or knows someone that has, I’d love to hear from you, thank you

“You're an addict!” she screams.
“You don’t know anything about me.” He patronizes.
“Right.” she scoffs, “Because I didn’t spend 17 years dealing with you. You didn’t have me sorting all your damn pills at 10 years old. All that hydrocodone and oxycodone.” My eyes burned bright. “You didn't snort coke in the bathroom thinking I didn’t notice.” His eyes lost the light.
“17 years of all your bullshit and I don't know you. Go fuck yourself! I know you better than you know yourself.“ She started pacing the hospital room. The antiseptics burning her nose as she breathed so hard she started losing focus.
“Your dad abused you and your mom let it happen. And then you didn’t break the cycle.” Her voice cracked. “You chose to be just like him. You chose to continue being the worst version of yourself and in turn becoming just like him.“
“I hope he's proud of the man you became. An abuser. A liar. And a sad pathetic man who spent the rest of his life full of regret because he burned every bridge he got the chance to build.“ The beeping of the machine got faster as I walked out and ignored everything he tried to say.

Just as the title says our Boi is back like a Pheonix rising from the ashes carrying the biggest set of DeepFuckingBalls the Stonk market has ever seen. We need to see some lights on at banks. Start buying billboards and hyping the living shit out of our beloved GME. Also I’m a crayon snorting regard don’t listen to a word I say this is not financial advice. 😉😉