Context clues lesson plans high school

How many hours of ground school did you do with your CFI leading up to PPL?
I don't want to be that student who shows up only wanting to fly and never do theoretical study but I also don't want to pay for CFI hours for something I could accomplish on my own, just trying to find a baseline.
I have seen wildly different assertions, from "0, just do sporty's on your own, get your written done before you show up" to really high seeming numbers. (I'm through the majority of the Sporty's course, studying PHAK/AFM/AIM etc as well, planning to schedule soon)
I am at ~4 and a 1/2 hours right now. I understand there is preflight inspection, going over the lesson on the ground, and then postflight debrief with CFI, and eventually I will go over any potential missed questions from the written exam and prepare for the oral exam with the CFI as well. My school is both part 61/141 and even for part 61 (what I'm doing) has stage checks including an oral stage check prior to solo which to me seems like good practice.
Outside of that, should I expect any significant amount of ground school? I see a lot of people talk about "ground school" only in reference to the written test.
The receptionist/administrator at my school really tried to sell me on doing ground school with them specifically for the test when I first enrolled, which I had to firmly say no to a few times. My CFI recently recommended we get a couple ground sessions in on days where we have weather cancellations, and specifically referenced FAR 61.105 and 61.107. It seems to me .105 is just the written test which I can do on my own while .107 has been referenced in this sub before as the FAA being stricter about seeing specific logged ground school time with CFI and merely a Sporty's endorsement not being adequate for a checkride.
Anyways, how many ground sessions did you do, and at what point in your training(pre-solo, post-solo, leading up to checkride)?

Stress, burnout, and other mental health issues are increasingly common among college students, in part due to the heavy workloads and high pressures to succeed. In honor of Mental Health Awareness Month, we wanted to share some tips on how you can protect your mental health as a college student.

1. Set clear goals: A lot of the stress we feel is associated with not having a plan in place. By setting goals (using goal-setting techniques like SMART or PACT), you'll create a plan of attack and a roadmap for your future. Set short-term and long-term goals and stick to them. If you fall short, learn to pivot to the next goal you set for yourself.
2. Learn to say no: A quick way to reach the point of burnout in school is by saying yes to too many things. Remember to always be a self-advocate and have the willpower to say no.
3. Ask for help: Seek out your campus counseling center if you're struggling with something larger than coursework, and contact your professor if you're looking for help with a class. Most professors and instructors are ready to help.

What are your favorite methods you use to protect your mental health as a student?

Hii I apologize if this isn't quite the right sub for weight loss questions, but the community is so nice and I'm not sure where else would be safe to post as it does relate to my transition a little bit. Also it is a little lengthy so there is a quick TLDR at the bottom. Though the context of the full post may help with more useful answers. Either way, thank you for your time!
So Jan 1st of last year I weighed myself and saw I was 245lbs. I then made it my goal to work on myself physically and mentally that year. It was around this time that my egg started cracking and that spurred a desire to actually care about my body for the first time in my life and I actually made significant strides in losing weight. Between Jan and Oct of last year I lost about 85-90lbs by intermittent fasting(I only eat between 12pm-8pm except on rare occasions like parties), eating less (partially as a result of fasting), and eating healthier.
I completely cut out fast food, sodas, and highly processed snacks except on very rare occasions. I also rarely drink alcohol now, maybe once a month (if even) at a party. My dinners consist of a balance between a fish portion or half of a baked chicken breast - some baked, roasted, or sautéed veggies (lots of broccoli), and small portions of rice. Around noon I typically have some oatmeal and a fruit like a banana or blueberries/strawberries and sometimes some greek yogurt if I'm still hungry or after a workout (which I often have an apple after). I pretty much only snack on lightly salted popcorn, fruits, and trail mix (I have an omega-3 mix and a monster mix which is a bit sweeter to try and sate my sweet tooth).
I also exercise at least 4-5 times a week. I go out for a jog/walk for anywhere between 1-2 hours most days and then follow up with mostly lower body workouts, as well as some core. I tend to do 100 various squats, I do deadbugs for a minute, leg lifts, hip bridges, deadlifts, and a 2-minute plank. I tend to mostly rest every other day. Recently, due to a doctor recommendation, I picked up 5lb free weights and added some high rep-low weight upper body workouts to tone on opposite days of my lower body workouts, as my doctor advised this might help with the weight loss.
My doctor also advised that I might be stuck around this weight, as she noted that when a lot of people lose weight very quickly, they tend to hit a plateau. She said when our bodies are used to a high weight, there is a limit to how much we can lose in a shory period of time. I imagine this is due to the fact that (I read somewhere) working out doesn't destroy the lipids in our bodies, it simply shrinks them down. I've read that it can take a long time for those shrunken lipids to actually disappear, so there is a limit to how much you can lose in a given time period since the lipids aren't entirely gone. Not sure how accurate this is, but I'm hoping it just means over time I will slowly be able to lose the remaining fat.
Due to all of this I went from that 245lbs and now float around 155-160lbs. The problem is that I have been stuck here since around October and haven't been able to get below the 155lbs at all in all this time. My goal is to hit around 140-145lbs and aim for a more flat tummy, which seems to be the biggest holdout on my body. I want to lose upper torso mass and belly fat on the front and sides, but nothing seems to be working. For reference, I am 5'7". Once I start E I plan on adding a little weight over time to help put fat where I want it to be (but not get overweight lol).
I wanted to make this post to see if anyone has any suggestions on what I could change or add that might help me get further results. Or do people think I may have hit that plateau I mentioned above and it will just take a long time of continuous effort to get rid of those lipids? I'm starting hrt soon so hoping the change in fat distribution will make it so the remaining male fat will be easier to lose since new fat will go elsewhere.
TLDR: I lost 90lbs and have been stuck around 155 for roughly 7 months - looking for advice to burn more fat and get rid of belly fat on front and sides to hit my goal of aroind 140-145lbs. I am 5'7"
Thank you all for your time, I appreciate you!

Hey everyone, don't even ask me why I decided this was a good idea, but I thought it'd be fun to do an AMA discussing my YouTube career. I'm the founder of Newscape Studios and the mind behind the many YouTube channels we've created and continue to run in-house. Some of the channels include GameToons (10M+ subs), Bronzo, Maxcraft, Princesshana, and all of the Newscapepro channels. We also ran several other channels for some time like SCP Animated.
My name's Cory Crater and I started my career on YouTube back in 2010 when I signed onboard with a company called Machinima (some of you have probably heard of them). I spent my high school years creating Halo, CoD, and Minecraft videos to varying success. I hit my first million view video back in 2010 -- it was called 100 Ways to Die in Modern Warfare 2.
I continued creating machinimas for Machinima and Machinima Realm (that's a whole lotta machinima) as well as very mediocre gameplay commentaries for Machinima Respawn that did much better than they should have. I went to college where I continued creating YouTube content on the side. I eventually dropped out in 2014 to go work at Sky Media (SkyDoesMinecraft). So I moved from New Hampshire to Seattle and it was really the beginning of a new phase of my life. About a year after working at Sky Media, I left and moved back to New Hampshire where I started the early phases of my company, Newscape Studios.
I had a lot of luck with my first channel, Newscapepro, which I had been slowly growing since I was just 12 years old. Minecraft roleplays were just popping off at the time and I wedged myself into that niche by creating machinima cutscenes for larger YouTubers and eventually creating my own full-length videos.
From there, I expanded out my content, opening up a a general gaming channel titled Newscapegames and a Minecraft PVP channel called Newscapedos (Both of those channels have since been rebranded and repurposed, though we did start a new Newscapegames several years back). At this point I was scheduling, shooting, the face on camera, editing and posting 20 videos a week. The workload was a bit overbearing.
So I brought on some help, hiring editors and renting out a small office at The Mills in Rollinsford, NH. Two of my first editors (K & Joe) are actually now my COO and CAO. We continued creating content for the various Newscape channels, but struggled with growth, as this was the time of the dreaded Adpocalypse, demonetization, and Minecraft was seemingly fading into obscurity. All of those factors tanked our revenue and we had trouble keeping the doors open on several occasions.
We finally found some stability when Fortnite came out and we launched a machinima channel -- Newscapepro Fortnite Shorts, Films & Skits. We ended up gaining a lot of traction. It was larger than anything we'd experienced before. and were not going to sit around and wait for the inevitable falling off of a new trend -- so my team (K, Joe, Ryan & my wife, Bri) packed up and moved down to Austin, Texas in hopes we could make some much-needed hires and strike while the iron's hot.
In Austin, we quickly grew from a team of 5 to 15 and then 25 in just over a year. We launched several new channels including a live action one, several more Fortnite channels, a Roblox channel, and a general gaming channel. We also had some failed attempts at channels like VRVS where we planned to go head to head in VR games.
Things changed when we started SCP Animated -- a channel where we animated stories from the SCP wiki. This was our first attempt at animation, and the channel had a great run. It also helped us establish the pipeline for GameToons, a channel where we animated parodies of the most popular videogames. GameToons ended up being our biggest channel ever. We started our Among Us Logic series right around the start of COVID and hit some wild view counts right from the start. Our first videos were 15M, 9M, 24M, and 50M views.
Last year, GameToons hit the milestone of 10 million subscribers and we received our first-ever Diamond Play Button. I took a photo with a note on it, hopefully giving me and this post some credibility. (linked below) We're now at a point where we have ten channels that have surpassed 1M subscribers. The success we've experienced is truly humbling and honestly still baffling. So with all of that out of the way, I'm here to answer questions -- whether they be technical, from aspiring creators or just general questions about myself or my company.
Looking forward to chatting with you all!
Also, here's a photo of me with my Diamond Play Button plaque, and a note for the AMA- https://imgur.com/9hpqS7G
Hopefully that's evidence enough that I am who I say I am, but if anyone wants further verification (within reason), I'm more than happy to oblige! Thanks!

i'm gonna try and keep this short, but i hope i get some detailed responses - ones that aren't too harsh because i am very self aware about my flaws, i dont need any more criticism.
I am (18,F) currently in exam season of A-levels, and well, im doing horribly. I reverted to islam about a year ago and its literally the only thing thats keeping me going (im not suicidal but im just so so tired and drained), and even at that i'm doing horribly at.
To put breifly, my discipline, confidence and motivation has depleted completely during these 2 academic years. I have gone through so much, yet nothing at all, because when i put everything into perspective it was me that has let myself down so much. My friends say i have imposter syndrome because of how much i blame myself, but honestly, if i had just sucked up my emotional self and put my head down into my studies without caring about my social life, then maybe i wouldnt be a failure right now. If i set down my priorities straight, maybe i wouldve been ok. But then, when i try to put this in practise when i have a burst of motivation, i just cant do it because i dont have a passion or really like any of my subjects. My teachers were also quite horrible towards me (e.g. one of them told me they didnt care about my mental health), so it just adding onto me being unable to push myself. There's so much else that goes into this but no ones here to read a biography about me. Anyways.
I try to be a good muslim and i understand this isnt easy but damn i am horrible. I try to pray 5 times a day, but sometimes theyre late, sometimes i miss them because im overwhelmed with everything or don't feel worthy enough to pray, sometimes i try to wake up for fajr but just end up falling back asleep, sometimes everything goes amazingly well for 2 weeks and then im back down to being useless. I try to listen to quran, i try to recite, i try to listen to lectures and i try to put all my faith into Allah (swt) but why do i feel so unsincere? I feel selfish when i asked for a good future when im not putting enough work in, i feel selfish relying on Allah (swt) when im lazy, i feel selfish asking for things to get better when i dont deserve for it to get better once i have proved myself to Him that i deserve it.
Now, im hating on myself too much and displaying myself as some next coach potatoe but don't think of me as entirley this way. I do try, believe me, in GCSEs i was the top performing student in my 'requires improving' rated secondary school. My grades were so good that i was able to attend one of the best sixth forms. But so much happened to me these past 2 years like i even went into therapy for a bit and i've completely failed myself and my family. i used to be that little girl hoping to go to an amazing university and now im wondering how i'll be able to even pass my A-levels.
I feel like an absolute failure. In my studies, religion, to my family, to my younger self. I know i can retake but i cant imagine myself going through something as traumatic as this again. I will nevertheless, if i am unable to get into my firm uni.
i sound so dramatic without full context but anyways. What im hoping to get from this is some islamic advice to make myself feel better. Perhaps some verses, hadiths or just in general Dawah (i think thats what its called please correct me if im wrong in using this terminology) to increase my confidence and reliance on Allah and His plan and lessons/teachings, as well as advice on improving myself e.g. finding my passion, increasing my confidence, acceptance - if you can relate it to islam that'd be great.
Sorry this is so long and i hope i have made sense because i've been crying typing this all up. Thank you :)

Stress, burnout, and other mental health issues are increasingly common among college students, in part due to the heavy workloads and high pressures to succeed. In honor of Mental Health Awareness Month, we wanted to share some tips on how you can protect your mental health as a college student.

1. Set clear goals: A lot of the stress we feel is associated with not having a plan in place. By setting goals (using goal-setting techniques like SMART or PACT), you'll create a plan of attack and a roadmap for your future. Set short-term and long-term goals and stick to them. If you fall short, learn to pivot to the next goal you set for yourself.
2. Learn to say no: A quick way to reach the point of burnout in school is by saying yes to too many things. Remember to always be a self-advocate and have the willpower to say no.
3. Ask for help: Seek out your campus counseling center if you're struggling with something larger than coursework, and contact your professor if you're looking for help with a class. Most professors and instructors are ready to help.

What are your favorite methods you use to protect your mental health as a student?

I am long term subbing in middle school art (5-8th grade) art through the rest of the year because the current teacher had a baby. She has also decided to be a stay at home mom and is not coming back to teach. As part of my assignment I was tasked with end of the year cleanup of the room. I have been slowly cleaning and organizing everything in the room for next years new art teacher. The room is incredibly messy with random supplies in just about every drawer and cupboard. How much old art should I purge in an effort to clean up. I am taking this rather seriously because I personally would hate to take over in job where everything is a total mess. I have already taken several good examples of each art project and organized the few lesson plans I have found in different drawers (sometimes different parts of the lesson plan were in different drawers around the classroom!!) I have also handed back as much art as l could but there are entire drawers filled with art that was never handed back, most still in the class folder! What would you want if you were starting in a new classroom/school? Should I take off the posters from the wall and put them away so the new art teacher can make the room how they want? What do I do? Any advice is very appreciated.
As a side note I would like to say that I just graduated in January with a Physical Education/ Adapted PE/Health/Coaching/Outdoor Adventure degree. While I do quite a bit of art in my free time I don’t know what sort of environment is normal for a new teacher to step into.

I (21F) and my fiance (23M) are getting married in a couple months and so far wedding planning has been going smoothly but stressful as expected. I come from a strict Catholic religious background and my parents are very involved in our wedding planning (they graciously offered to pay for our wedding, even though I said it wasn’t necessary and was willing to have a very small wedding). My parents insisted since I’m their first child getting married that it was very special and they would love nothing more than to provide us our special day. However, now things are getting weird. For some context, my parents kicked me out before my 19th birthday simply because I wanted to “do my own thing” (i was in school and working full time at this time) and didn’t want to be responsible for helping out with taking my little siblings to school, extra curriculars ect. (i have a very large family). That in itself is its own issue. Since getting kicked out I used any penny I had to buy myself a car and phone and figure out a place to live. Things with my parents are fine now, especially since I’m getting married and they love my fiance.
Yesterday my mom and dad put me and my fiance in a group chat saying they would like to meet with us for a brunch this weekend to discuss wedding plans. However I learned yesterday that my father called my fiance and basically told him they are very close to canceling the wedding and sending out “un invites” to everyone. My father said he doubts my finances ability to “be a hard worker” and most of all doubts him because my fiance and I have been struggling to go to church. I was raised in the Catholic religion and have been personally struggling trying to figure out what I believe . My parents are crossing major boundaries by doing this, and are trying to get way too involved with us in my opinion. I was beyond livid that my dad would doubt my finances loyalty and work ethic (my fiance works 80 hours a week on average in a demanding blue collar job). Anyways I am trying to keep the peace till the wedding so everything goes smoothly, but part of me wants to rip into my parents for how my dad spoke to my future husband. I don’t tolerate the disrespect my father displayed to him. My fiance is working overtime to save money for us and take care of me financially once we get married, so i won’t have to worry about bills or grocery money. I work two jobs to pay for my expenses at the moment, but my fiance wants to alleviate my stress once we’re married so my money I earn can be spent on more leisurely things for me and him both.
My dad has used this threatening tactic with me before. After high school he said he was more than happy to put me through cosmetology school since it was what I wanted to do with my life, but when he kicked me out he told me he would be no longer paying for my schooling. (he ended paying for it all but during this time I was basically homeless so this caused so much anxiety. ) I just don’t know if my dad is being serious about wanting to cancel our wedding or not.. (mostly all wedding expenses have already been paid so i’m confused) and i’m feeling so overwhelmed and stressed because I never even thought they would try to threaten our wedding after saying they would whole heartedly be happy to pay for it.
any advice helps .. i feel so lost and stressed

Hello my name is Masha I am currently studying in a community collage in Los Angeles. I am studying Business Admin and I am not interested in going to the local UC's near me. I want to transfer to a school in Europe and the reason why is because I do not want to end up with lots of debt and I also desire some more independence. I do have a valid EU citizenship and I prefer a school that is high ranked, lets me take the course in English, and would like to start this fall. I do realize that I am a little late to starting applications but if anybody could advise me into how to start that would be very helpful thanks! And if possible how much money would I have to bring to be there alone? I am planning on working while studying in Europe!

Hello my name is Masha I am currently studying in a community collage in Los Angeles. I am studying Business Admin and I am not interested in going to the local UC's near me. I want to transfer to a school in Europe and the reason why is because I do not want to end up with lots of debt and I also desire some more independence. I do have a valid EU citizenship and I prefer a school that is high ranked, lets me take the course in English, and would like to start this fall. I do realize that I am a little late to starting applications but if anybody could advise me into how to start that would be very helpful thanks! And if possible how much money would I have to bring to be there alone? I am planning on working while studying in Europe!

Hello my name is Masha I am currently studying in a community collage in Los Angeles. I am studying Business Admin and I am not interested in going to the local UC's near me. I want to transfer to a school in Europe and the reason why is because I do not want to end up with lots of debt and I also desire some more independence. I do have a valid EU citizenship and I prefer a school that is high ranked, lets me take the course in English, and would like to start this fall. I do realize that I am a little late to starting applications but if anybody could advise me into how to start that would be very helpful thanks! And if possible how much money would I have to bring to be there alone? I am planning on working while studying in Europe!

Hello my name is Masha I am currently studying in a community collage in Los Angeles. I am studying Business Admin and I am not interested in going to the local UC's near me. I want to transfer to a school in Europe and the reason why is because I do not want to end up with lots of debt and I also desire some more independence. I do have a valid EU citizenship and I prefer a school that is high ranked, lets me take the course in English, and would like to start this fall. I do realize that I am a little late to starting applications but if anybody could advise me into how to start that would be very helpful thanks! And if possible how much money would I have to bring to be there alone? I am planning on working while studying in Europe!

Let's explain the situation from the beginning. We are a group of 6 friends and little by little our friendship has deteriorated. I sent him a WhatsApp explaining that I would not take any more trips with him until his attitude changed. Now my friends are telling me to forgive him since we have a trip for the summer.
When we were 17 we always met up to get drunk and smoke. But years have passed and I'm turning 21. And I'm getting tired of this environment.
I think the turning point was when I bought my car on my own (when I was just 19 years old), I was working for months and once I bought it it was wonderful, everyone was super excited until the problems started to occur. Many responsibilities fell on me, organizing plans, taking home, always doing the shopping.
I mainly had a problem with a friend, let's call him House. House was always my closest friend and I knew him from school, in high school we hung out occasionally but when we created the group we became even closer.
We met every day and it was very cool, but I already realized that he sometimes had anger problems (once he broke the neighbor's air conditioning because they stood him up) as well as a childish attitude of always being right.
A few days before I quit a job that was exploitative and I was having a hard time, I promised House that I would pick him up and take him to a nightclub (after work) that is 4 km from his house (5 km from mine). . But I quit so I was happy to be able to drink and have a good time, until he reminded me of the "promise". By that time he had already resigned 1 week ago and we already bought the tickets 2 weeks ago. He didn't say anything to me until we were at the party and he made a passive-aggressive comment at me. I feel bad and I manipulate the rest so that they say that I had to keep my promise... Well, it's not that big of a deal but it was a wake-up call for me.
I had some friction with him, such as him falsely accusing me that he was stealing gas money from him after a trip for wanting to "overcharge him", something totally false. Or one time he got drunk and was on the beach on my birthday yelling at me and another friend to give him the bottle we were all drinking, we refused because he was 3 steps away and if he had wanted to be with us he could, Then he became aggressive and confronted me a few centimeters away, I pushed him and threatened to hit me. Afterwards we "reconciled" but I already mistrusted in a certain way because of what he had shown me.
His parents divorce, he starts drinking every day, he is dissatisfied with the studies he chose himself, no one forced him and he chose a higher degree with no way out because he was funny in front of others. He hasn't gotten his driver's license, he's not progressing in life, and so the months go by.
In my town there is a party and it is like the party that the entire region comes, including people, we are talking about tens of thousands of young people partying, well House meets us but informs us that first he should have a few beers with his friends, proceed not to be separated from them all day. The worst thing was that every time we told him to do something he followed them from one place to another like a dog, until I understood what was happening, he was with them all the time because they were taking cocaine. That disgusted me a lot since he knows that I don't like that and that if he had stayed with those friends of his I wouldn't have cared, but he had stayed with us.
A week later he organized a plan, as I always do, to go have a barbecue in the mountains, a beautiful place where House tells me that he has no money, I invite him to eat with another friend. When we arrive I see that we have forgotten the meat, so I have to call my aunt who lives 20 minutes away to go get it. I did the shopping alone, in the end I went down alone with my aunt, I bought them beer since House and another stayed upstairs drinking. When I arrive they criticize the meat I bought, I forgot to buy bread, and they criticize the coals I bought since they were very "small", in the end we cooked everything even on meat.
After 2 weeks I plan to go fishing, and that's when House openly tells me that the barbecue was "fucking shit", which seemed like very strong words to me. Mainly when they come from a person who has never driven to take me (he doesn't have a license...), I don't buy the meat, I don't cook and worse still he didn't even thank me for having invited him to eat, he has pay from his parents, they are officials. My parents are immigrants and I have earned my money by working. After that he reproaches me saying that since I am studying and he is "working", he is practicing sports. HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A FULL TIME!! Which is my obligation since I am freer than him, he doesn't know that lately I have been studying 9 hours a day, super stressed and bad. After that discussion, I didn't speak to him the entire trip back.
I don't want to see him, it's as if he had clicked on me * and no matter how much forgiveness he asks me and they tell me that "it was just a few words", it doesn't seem that way to me.
What do you think is pride or should I forgive him for the good of the group?

Let's explain the situation from the beginning. We are a group of 6 friends and little by little our friendship has deteriorated.
When we were 17 we always met up to get drunk and smoke. But years have passed and I'm turning 21. And I'm getting tired of this environment.
I think the turning point was when I bought my car on my own (when I was just 19 years old), I was working for months and once I bought it it was wonderful, everyone was super excited until the problems started to occur. Many responsibilities fell on me, organizing plans, taking home, always doing the shopping.
I mainly had a problem with a friend, let's call him House. House was always my closest friend and I knew him from school, in high school we hung out occasionally but when we created the group we became even closer.
We met every day and it was very cool, but I already realized that he sometimes had anger problems (once he broke the neighbor's air conditioning because they stood him up) as well as a childish attitude of always being right.
A few days before I quit a job that was exploitative and I was having a hard time, I promised House that I would pick him up and take him to a nightclub (after work) that is 4 km from his house (5 km from mine). . But I quit so I was happy to be able to drink and have a good time, until he reminded me of the "promise". By that time he had already resigned 1 week ago and we already bought the tickets 2 weeks ago. He didn't say anything to me until we were at the party and he made a passive-aggressive comment at me. I feel bad and I manipulate the rest so that they say that I had to keep my promise... Well, it's not that big of a deal but it was a wake-up call for me.
I had some friction with him, such as him falsely accusing me that he was stealing gas money from him after a trip for wanting to "overcharge him", something totally false. Or one time he got drunk and was on the beach on my birthday yelling at me and another friend to give him the bottle we were all drinking, we refused because he was 3 steps away and if he had wanted to be with us he could, Then he became aggressive and confronted me a few centimeters away, I pushed him and threatened to hit me. Afterwards we "reconciled" but I already mistrusted in a certain way because of what he had shown me.
His parents divorce, he starts drinking every day, he is dissatisfied with the studies he chose himself, no one forced him and he chose a higher degree with no way out because he was funny in front of others. He hasn't gotten his driver's license, he's not progressing in life, and so the months go by.
In my town there is a party and it is like the party that the entire region comes, including people, we are talking about tens of thousands of young people partying, well House meets us but informs us that first he should have a few beers with his friends, proceed not to be separated from them all day. The worst thing was that every time we told him to do something he followed them from one place to another like a dog, until I understood what was happening, he was with them all the time because they were taking cocaine. That disgusted me a lot since he knows that I don't like that and that if he had stayed with those friends of his I wouldn't have cared, but he had stayed with us.
A week later he organized a plan, as I always do, to go have a barbecue in the mountains, a beautiful place where House tells me that he has no money, I invite him to eat with another friend. When we arrive I see that we have forgotten the meat, so I have to call my aunt who lives 20 minutes away to go get it. I did the shopping alone, in the end I went down alone with my aunt, I bought them beer since House and another stayed upstairs drinking. When I arrive they criticize the meat I bought, I forgot to buy bread, and they criticize the coals I bought since they were very "small", in the end we cooked everything even on meat.
After 2 weeks I plan to go fishing, and that's when House openly tells me that the barbecue was "fucking shit", which seemed like very strong words to me. Mainly when they come from a person who has never driven to take me (he doesn't have a license...), I don't buy the meat, I don't cook and worse still he didn't even thank me for having invited him to eat, he has pay from his parents, they are officials. My parents are immigrants and I have earned my money by working. After that he reproaches me saying that since I am studying and he is "working", he is practicing sports. HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A FULL TIME!! Which is my obligation since I am freer than him, he doesn't know that lately I have been studying 9 hours a day, super stressed and bad. After that discussion, I didn't speak to him the entire trip back.
I sent him a WhatsApp explaining that I would not take any more trips with him until his attitude changed. Now my friends are telling me to forgive him since we have a trip for the summer.
I don't want to see him, it's as if he had clicked on me * and no matter how much forgiveness he asks me and they tell me that "it was just a few words", it doesn't seem that way to me.
What do you think is pride or should I forgive him for the good of the group?

Me (24F) and my boyfriend (28M) met 17 months ago on a dating app. At the time we were both in different countries and had set our location to a place we were both planning to visit. He asked me on a date for new years eve and even bought an event ticket for that night when we were both supposed to be there . Unfortunately a few days before my flight I got sick and never got to visit that country or see him there. I was expecting us to stop talking and I was talking/dating afew other people since I thought him and I would never meet in real life but to my surprise we started talking every single day and he was the sweetest guy I had ever met . We got to know each other pretty good to the point that he kept asking me to move to his country. After around 4 months of talking online he told me he’s getting a ticket and coming to see me for a week . And that’s when we had our first phone call , over that phone call he said he needs to tell me something because it might be a red flag for me and he just wants to be honest about it , he said he has dated a stripper before me (around 2 years before me) but they were never official and it was something casual just because he was lonely and she was pushy. To be honest I didn’t like hearing that but I was still okay with it. Fast forward to our first week together, we went on date every single day , we went to really nice restaurants and bars and he was putting in so much effort into our dates, we eventually spent the weekend together and that’s when he gave me a gift along with a letter telling me how much he loves me and then we were intimate for the first time and spent the entire weekend in his hotel room .
He went back to his country for work and came back to see me after 5 weeks and we had another amazing week together and that’s when I told him that I love him too so we got alot closer and talked about our past, about how he used to be a party boy and into drugs but he’s changed now and people we have dated and exes , and in a funny conversation the topic of body count came up and I told him mine is 3 and he said he has been with 6 people in total which was shockingly good in my opinion. He also told me that the last time he slept with someone was a year before me because he’s not into one night stands or casual sex because he is emotional and can’t just have that with anyone and that was very respectable and admirable in my opinion and made me fall in love even more . I was honest with and told him the last time I had slept with someone was a month or two into us talking but there was no emotion connection with that person, he was upset but he said he understood that we weren’t that serious back then .
He came back for the 3rd time after 2 weeks and that’s when we got an Airbnb and spent the whole week together cooking and talking like a married couple in love , on the same week we ran into a girl in our airbnb building and she was so happy to see my bf , she jumped to hug him and gave him a kiss on the cheek but my bf seemed kinda uncomfortable. After the interaction I was curious to know how does he know someone in my country so I asked him who she was and he said she is his high school classmate that lives in the same city as him now and she just got married so it must be a coincidence that she’s visiting too.
He was back to see me for another week after 2 weeks and at that point we both knew we are offical and that neither of us has even talked to anyone else for the past 4-5 months but we still didn’t put a label on it because I was so afraid of doing long distance and the fact that I was going to move to a country even further away from him in a month. On that week we went and got an STD test together and I even got an IUD so we don’t have to worry about using protection anymore. He knew that I had this unreasonable fear of contracting HIV and this was him being supportive and calming my nerves.
Afew weeks later I moved to a different country around 17000 miles away and when I was looking for a place there we decided to lease an apartment together and furnish our home together because he was planning on moving there to live with me . He came to visit me for a month and we had more amazing days together and became officially girlfriend and boyfriend .he was the sweetest most loving and understanding guy ever.
We did 3 month of long distance and I missed him so bad that I decided to leave everything behind and sell my stuff to go travel with him for 3 months and also go and visit his family and his hometown , it was hard but we made it work and we were both on cloud 9 for the first 2 weeks together. And after meeting his family things were even more serious , they all loved me and keep asking him when he’s going to propose and end the long distance and I even got invited to his brother’s wedding.
One night my trust issues got the best of me and decided to check his phone ( I know it’s bad) I didn’t see anything too bad as his chats were mostly deleted but I came across a chat with that high-school classmate I mentioned earlier and I found out that they had been on a few dates and that he had sent her the same sweet questions as he sent to me word for word. I also saw that they spent the night together and he had a hickey on his neck from her . I also saw that before meeting me he was sliding into girls dms calling them hot and being sexual and I was sooo shocked just because the image he showed me of himself was so so different. I gave him a chance to come clean in the morning but he kept on lying to my face till I showed him the chats , even then he denied ever sleeping with her . I was so hurt that so early in our relationship he could lie to my face for no reason .
I was upset so I left our villa to stay at a hotel, he kept texting and calling and begging me to give him another chance and go to dinner with him and I did, he was so apologetic he was so upset and he kept saying all he wants is to go back and never lie to me so I asked him to come clean about anything else he has lied about . I went over everything with him and asked if they were lies too? he said no . I decided to stay and give us another chance .
Just 3 days after that night I asked him if I can delete his exes number that is a stripper off his phone in front of him he said yes and when I went to delete it I saw their messages , it wasn’t from 2 years before me ! The last message was 15 days before meeting me and turns out she was actually his friend’s girlfriend and they were secretly seeing each other… I was so heartbroken I couldn’t believe he is a person like that and that he has lied to my face again! He used to always say he hates cheater and that he has been cheated on before so he would never do anything like that but in the chats they were making fun of that girl’s bf which was his friend.
He started apologising again and told me there is more, there is someone else he has slept with shortly before me and that whole not sleeping with anyone for a year and no one nights stands was lie to make me fall in love with him . I forgave him again and decided to help him not feel ashamed about his past .
4 days later I asked him to send me our STD test results from months ago to me again because I lost it and my doctor wanted see it he started looking at his emails and said he can’t find it so I offered to help him look and I found it in his trash folder, but again I wanted to give him a chance so I asked if he has deleted it? He said no ! Turns out he was tested positive for a very minor and not dangerous STD and because he felt ashamed he edited the results when he sent it to months earlier. And deleted it afew days prior. His excuse was that I’m very anxious and fearful about STDs so he didn’t want to worry me because the doctor said it doesn’t need a treatment , And again I was convinced .
A few weeks passed and we were arguing a-lot because of trust issues but we were trying to get help and work on the relationship, he even confessed that there were more small lies he has told me , like saying some of the girls he was following were his friends or friends of friends when in fact they were girls he had met on tinder before meeting me . I struggled to understand why he would lie to me about stuff like this when I had never showed to be a jealous or not understanding GF .
A few weeks later we were doing better and travelling different countries together and I thought we’re done with lies so one night I was overthinking and asked him about a blocked number I saw on his phone that first time I looked through it , I asked who’s number that was because It had the country code of the country I lived in when we first started dating. He reassured me that it’s probably a scam number and that I was overthinking but I wasn’t convinced so I put it into google and it brought up so many escort websites from that country. For a whole week I begged and cried for him to tell me the truth to tell me I’m not crazy and what I’m seeing is right but he denied it every time for a whole week and even cried because I couldn’t believe him till one morning when I promised him I won’t leave if he just tells me , he confessed that on that first week after or first or second date when he went back to his hotel room he looked at escort sites and texted them but kept swearing that he never saw one and to him it just like watching porn . Once again I was in disbelief because he used to always say people that pay for sex are evil and are using girls that might have been trafficked for sex , I was also heartbroken and disgusted that he could do that in my city , somewhere that was my home and he was supposed to be there just for me and the fact that I’d have been on the same bed we had sex for the first time and the same room he told me he loved me in only 2 days later …
He blamed it all on porn and his porn addiction, I was shocked because I never had a problem with him watching porn I had even asked him if he wants to watch it together but he always seemed not that interested. He said that he has had trust issues and the reason why he went on an escort site in the first place was to make sure I wasn’t one … Honestly I didn’t know what to do with that informations ! How could he even possibly think that but it doesn’t bother me what bothers me is thinking that he got on 5 hour flight and took me on all those nice dates thinking I might be an escort?? And when he realised I wasn’t he looked for a real one ? Like he was disappointed that I wasn’t an escort? After 5-6 months of talking to me all day and night . I couldn’t not understand and will never understand .
Because of my promise I stayed and went to therapy ever since then he keeps saying I know all of his dark side and secrets and there is nothing else he would lie to me about. He’s been super apologetic and putting up with my anxiety and hearing out my hurt and looking for ways to fix our relationship and trust.
Our trip ended and we are doing long distance again and I told him I won’t be like before because it takes time to rebuild trust he understood and said it’s fair for me to look for things or have doubts . The other night i was looking at his email to make sure there are no more escort or things like that and I saw an email from a almost a year before me , it was from a flowegift shop that he has bought me flowers from which was very meaningful to me .
I saw that he had sent the same flower to that stripper girl that he claimed he was never in a relationship with only difference is hers was way more expensive and it had a note saying she is his world and there was another flower order worth 500$ sent to the same girl and the note was he is sorry for not keeping his promises and that he is in love with her more than he could have ever imagined.word for word of how he has apologised to me.
He has been telling me for over a year now that he never told that girl he loved her without me ever asking him . So I asked him if he has ever bought her flowers? But I also sent him a text saying he doesn’t owe me anything from his past and he shouldn’t worry about hurting my feelings and just tell me truth because I love him . He said no . Afew hours later he said he remembered that it was one time and it was from the same shop but what he got me was better and once again without me even asking he said no but I never loved her and never told her I lover her . I gave him the benefit of the doubt and asked if there is a chance he doesn’t remember ? Maybe because it was over text ? He said no there is no way he wouldn’t remember saying something like that .
I sent him the email and all he had to say was that he wasn’t lying he just didn’t remember… And he kept saying but that’s all , I never got her anything else (like that’s the point) but I also saw another email in his trash folder and it was another gift order to the same girl and he deleted that email the same day so there is no way he wouldn’t remember those gifts …
I’m so done and over the lies but I’m starting to blame myself for asking things for caring about the past , my mind keep telling me at least he didn’t cheat on you . But then I remember he lied to me about things I never even asked for cared about. I remember that he might have been interested in me because he thought I might be an escort not because of who I am .
He has been the kindest and nicest person to me and has done everything to make sure I’m okay during our relationship . Am I doing something wrong? What to do ? I’m so confused

This morning was my last straw with them. I'm officially cutting them off. Unless they text first, I will not be the one begging for the smallest things from them. I am done. Everytime I want to do something, my friends always find a way to reject me even though they'll make plans with each other and post about it on social media. They'll start interrogating me on the smallest details, asking me forceful questions that make me uncomfortable. I'm not saying this is completely their fault, but as someone who wants to take a bit of risk in life, my friends are just not compatible with me, which, I admit, is probably my fault for making them my friends. They prefer doing things in the 'safer way', but I prefer to sprinkle in a little risk here and there to spice things up. In elementary school, I was a HUGE risk-taker, but since becoming their friends in high school, I've eased off the risk-taking a substantial amount, even finding myself following in their 'safe' footsteps. But it's like driving most big roads have bumps, turns, and cracks in them, hardly ever do you come across a perfectly paved road (those are usually found in small roads lined with houses). I think they see this as a submission on my part, the fact that I'm so easily brainwashed to their ideals. Yes, I did change myself for them to like me, but the fact that they're abusing this little 'power' that they have over me now is going too far. Also, just to add on, they're big homebodies, and use the 'I commute!' card way too much. Like...I commute too? I'm only physically on campus a couple days a week, but I make the most of it, so why can't you? How do I find compatible friends?

I know this is unnecessarily long, so if you are not in the mood for reading, I understand. But I would greatly appreciate anyone who would take the time to read my story that is probably TMI and badly in need of some editing. I just really need some advice from people whose heads are less cloudy than mine.
My fiancé M/42 and I F41 have been together for about 4 years and have known each other since high school. I knew he was a recovering addict when I got together with him but I fell head over heels in love and didn’t see the relapse on the horizon that would occur shortly after the honeymoon phase and would eventually almost kill me - I took a swipe of some mystery powder and touched it to my tongue (fentanyl) thinking it would help me get through the most stressful day of my life as i was ceaning out his place while I was packing him up for detox. It was a total freak accident, I’m not an addict, never done anything like that in my life, I’m a single mom and a kindergarten teacher, but I loved him so much I just followed him down the rabbit hole and honestly just became so disoriented in this world I (naively) didn’t understand or even realize I had signed up for.
Anyway, He literally saved my life, and said I also saved his, because that day is what motivated him to get and stay clean for good despite being an active heroin addict for the majority of his life.
He worked an incredibly thorough program, and he gained more friends, money, and more overall success in 2 years than I’ve been able to scrounge up in an entire lifetime. And it’s no surprise honestly. He’s a special person. Absolutely brilliant, charismatic, driven, and has a heart of gold.
Within a year of getting sober, he moved me and my daughters into a gorgeous home adjacent to a golf course, bought luxury vehicles for both me and him, convinced me to quit my teaching job which was making me miserable, so I could finally be fully present for my girls, and then put a giant diamond ring on my left hand. He completely spoils us. We went from having nothing to having every tangible thing, we could possibly need.
The stability that he provided for us meant the world to a single mom who was barely making ends meet, but it was always just the icing on the cake for me. He’s my best friend in the world, he makes me laugh so hard my mouth hurts from smiling, he show me that he loves even the parts of myself that I don’t find lovable. I found my soulmate.
His program started slipping after 2 1/2 years (last November). He was already struggling in his role of being a stepfather, and we were fighting a lot about parenting stuff. He has a lot to learn, has little patience, and seems to have very unrealistic expectations of my kids. He wanted Parenting to be this effortless thing, and he just doesn’t get that it’s not. And that kids are not always going to behave themselves and that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with them. so we were fighting a lot.
In December, he started complaining about his chronic back pain again (a real issue for him as he’s had five back surgeries due to a snowboarding accident in his early 20s-this was during that height of Purdue Pharma and what got him hooked on pain meds)
While I know he was legitimately in pain, it was also a red flag because pain was the culprit for his last relapse. He decided to go in for a sixth surgery and was told he would have to wait three months. He found a surgeon who has made a lot of profit off of him over the years (as he’s a PI attorney) and was willing to prescribe him generous amounts of pain pills to get him through the three months of increasing pain that he was experiencing. He spent the next three months in bed, depressed, checking out, taking pills depressed, checking out- as I became increasingly suspicious that his behavior was much too loopy for the amount of medication he was being prescribed. I fell into the role of his nurse, and his babysitter. Making sure he didn’t text to nonsense to clients, making sure he didn’t fall and make his back worse, making sure he wasn’t interacting with the kids, etc
I knew he wasn’t being honest with me, but he just kept gaslighting me. It honestly felt like he was psychologically tormenting me, treating me as though I was totally paranoid, heartless and out of line. I thought after the surgery, it would finally get better. I made a promise that I would be there for him because he had never had anyone there for him for the previous surgeries and it had been a really traumatic experience for him in the past. I really stepped up and tried so hard to his rock. The hospital experience was horrific, mainly because no amount of diloted was relieving him of the pain. None of the nurses understood why he needed so much more than everyone else, but I think his tolerance had just become so high.
After that nightmare was finally over I was really counting on things getting better, as the plan was for him to taper off the meds, live pain-free, and get back to normal. It didn’t go that way. It just kept getting worse and no matter how many times I told him that I didn’t trust him he just had an excuse for an explanation for everything. He is a master manipulator and I listened to him do it to everyone, doctors, the pharmacist he formed a “friendship” with, literally everyone.
On Mother’s Day, it got to a point where he couldn’t hide it anymore. He disappeared for the day, Ended up, passing out at a gas station and was unreachable for hours, when he finally came home, the car was all fucked up and he claims it was someone else’s fault. He went straight to his home office and I didn’t see the rest of the night until I walked in on him smoking crushed up pills. After that, he confessed everything to me, including the time that he told me not to check the mail because he had a special surprise for me to thank me for all the love and support I gave him To help him through his surgery. it turned out he had drug dealers sending him drugs in the mail. Needless to say there was no surprise for me me. Just heartbreak and betrayal. I felt like a fool.
I was still processing this the next day when , after insisting on taking a photo of me in these designer sunglasses he purchased for me out of guilt. I asked him not to take my photo, because I had tears in my eyes, but he insisted. He was napping next to me and I opened his phone to erase the photo. we’ve always had each other’s passwords, and have looked through each others photos before for various reasons, sharing photos, etc. I cannot emphasize enough how much I trust his loyalty to me when it comes to anything other than drugs.
But for some reason, all of my photos, the ones I was taking on my phone were showing up in his feed. I was so confused, so I started scrolling through deleting unflattering double chin pictures of myself when I came across that menu photos organized based on face recognition. One of them was his ex. I remember him telling me he deleted all of his photos of her the first time he told me he loved me.
I opened it and scrolled through hundreds of pictures of their happy life together. The pictures got more and more sexual, one of her with her legs spread, another another of them in the bathtub together, her kissing him while he had his hands around her neck, another screenshot of her naked in the shower with a thumbnail shot of him in the corner obviously jerking off to her on FaceTime. Because I’m a masochist I decided to take it one step further and look in his video folder. I found a There I found a thumbnail shot if a close-up of him penetrating her. I watched it and it just completely crushed whatever was left of me.
I’m normally a really passive person, and I just completely lost my mind. I reacted as though I had caught him cheating on me. I just couldn’t handle the physical evidence of such a close up shot of him being inside another woman. It’s stupid because I know, like me, he has a past. Obviously he’s been with other women. Obviously he’s been attracted to them. But it just scarred my brain, I literally haven’t even been able to eat since because I’ve been so nauseous. I know it’s ridiculous, because this is a reality I was well aware existed, but seeing it with my own eyes… I don’t know what to say. Other than that I need a lobotomy.
He says he erased all of those videos and photos from his phone, and something weird happened where all of his photos from the cloud just re-uploaded when he got a new phone. He’s not a technical person and I actually believe him because, aside from being a complete liar when it comes to drugs, he has always show me the upmost, integrity, love and loyalty. So it’s not that I don’t believe him. I just can’t get that image out of my head.
I can’t tell if this intense emotional reaction I’m having would be the same reaction anyone would have if they saw what I saw, or if I’m combining the feelings of betrayal over the gaslighting and the relapse…, the last four months of feeling completely invisible, hopeless, and like he was choosing drugs over me. My mind is like mush and I seriously can’t differentiate between these two very separate issues. I’m so confused, but that’s what gaslighting does to you. It makes you question your reality.
He said that he’s finally willing to go into detox, so at this point, I have waited this long, it would be silly not to stick around and see if he’s finally going to put an end to this. What’s getting me is that he’s still making excuses, still not seeming very remorseful, and is still so deep in self-pity that he doesn’t seem to have any awareness of how badly I’m hurting because of him. It feels like he just doesn’t care. anyone who’s ever loved an addict knows that feeling well.
I’m in Al-anon, and I’m well aware of all of the things I should be doing, focusing on myself, etc. but I’m just not doing well, and I can’t seem to find my way out of this dark hole. Anyone who has made it this far deserves some sort of a Reddit badge of honor. This was more of an autobiography than a simple question. I just wanna hear some outside input because I don’t trust my own mind right now. I’m willing to take your criticism, just please be kind. I know I’ve made mistakes, I’m just hurting so badly. I can’t seem to sort through this. Thank you so much if you took the time to read all of this and still want to respond. You have no idea how much it means to me.

https://archive.is/3733d
Franklin County Pride is teaming up with the YMCA to host its first-ever Pride Prom for Franklin County LGBTQ students in grades nine through 12.
The prom will be held on Saturday from 7 to 10 p.m. at Franklin County’s YMCA and is free to attend. It will feature a DJ, food donated by the Greenfield pizza restaurant Magpie, and desserts donated by Sweet Lucy’s Bakeshop in Bernardston.
Franklin County Pride President Heather Mahoney said the event is a “passion project” she has been planning to host for years. “Our kids in the LGBTQIA community need an event, a prom, for themselves,” Mahoney said, “just so that they can go someplace and feel completely comfortable and authentic, to feel like they’re not being judged and able to have a good time, and able to have a prom like all the other kids in the world have proms.”
Although Mahoney said there have been only 10 to 12 confirmed attending students on the prom’s Eventbrite page, she said she is unsure how may kids will attend the event on Saturday, as no RSVP is required and the free event is open to all students in Franklin County.
“We’re not turning anybody away, so if a kid decides on Saturday at noon that they want to come, fabulous. We’d love to see everybody at the prom on Saturday,” Mahoney said. “I’m hoping for 20 kids at least.”
Greenfield High School teacher Angela Mass opened her “prom closet” at the school on Wednesday evening, allowing students to pick out donated prom attire at no cost. Mahoney said she hopes to turn Pride Prom into an annual event.
“A friend of mine, when it was announced, sent me a message and said, ‘My kid and for their friends are so excited about this.’ They’re talking about it like every other kid talks about prom — they’re talking about what they’re going to wear, they’re talking about where they’re going to take pictures. That just makes my heart happy, it’s exactly what I wanted the event to be,” she said. “I just want kids to come, have a good time and enjoy the prom experience.”
View the event page at:
https://www.franklincountypride.org/events/queer-youth-prom

Just received a score of 63, which is enough to get my 3 credit hours at my school (need a 60+ for CLEP).
Prep = I watched this playlist while doing chores around the house over the past week. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6E9WU9TGrec&list=PLq_r3I0Uv865F7rJuB1rGQ1wgm7Rkc3wD
I took two years of US history back in high school in the late 1990s and remember the high-level themes but certainly didn't remember any of the specific events or people covered on this exam.
If you have a rough idea of what has happened in US history, the major drivers of colonization, the revolution, and the civil war, you're probably able to narrow all the multiple choice down to two possible answers and then make an educated guess between those ... which is what I did. Out of the 120 questions, I probably only REALLY KNEW like 20 of them, and the other 100 were very educated guessing between two mostly likely choices after obviously eliminating three choices that made little sense.
I plan to do the same type of prep for US History II, although I might do what I suggest as a tip below when I take the next one in a couple weeks.
My recommendation: study flashcards with the 100 MOST PROMINENT PEOPLE (explorers, founding fathers, women, slaves, presidents) and their main historical significance. I'm pretty sure if I'd have done something like that instead of watching videos, I would have gotten a 75-80 on the exam, but I was able to just watch those videos passively rather than doing active studying, so whatever.
I put in very little effort and still managed to get a high enough score for credit from my university and not having to spend a whole semester taking a gen ed I don't care about ... all for ~$100 and some time spent watching/listening to videos while doing dishes, laundry, etc.

Here we are again in the shit stew that is the Fallowveil trailer park. We’ve got soul eating strippers, jobs that kill us, and plenty of weirdos, both the trailer trash and the potentially paranormal variety. It’s the place where even your own computer sometimes threatens to kill you. I can’t tell if I should be worried, or annoyed that all my neighbors have such irresponsible web habits. I know it’s not me that brings in all these machine wiping viruses.
So even though I got a system error that literally said “you’re useless and you should die” I’m less interested in that. Stupid thing. Like I don’t already know I’m useless. That’s not what I’m depressed about.
Well… I suppose it's tangentially related.
I hope anyone reading will forgive me. I’m feeling the sting of rejection right now. It was really stupid of me to ask. Especially now. Nobody here really likes me. They’ve only been nice to me as a courtesy because I was almost involved in a god damn shootout. And my idiot self decided that was the perfect time to push one of my few friends all the way away. Never ask your friends out on dates. It ruins everything.
So there’s this woman. I’ve talked about her in the past. Trista Ramone. She lives in the far back corner of the trailer park. You can instantly tell which unit is hers because she’s covered every square inch of the property with gardens and a rabbit hutch. The place usually has beads and colorful flags hanging on its walls as well. She’s kind of a right winger’s nightmare. I know some of those flags represent various lgbtq plus communities.
She and I have been friendly in the past. We’re both night shift workers. We crossed paths quite a bit going to and from work so we struck up a friendship over the years.
Let’s just ripped the band aid off. Recently I’ve started thinking I had… stronger feelings for Trista. I got stupid and decided to tell her about them. She wasn’t interested. I get why. We have very different lifestyles. I like meat, and she thinks the meat industry is murder. I’m not willing to give up meat, and she’s not willing to give up her beliefs. It's as simple as that. Now things are incredibly awkward with one of my closer friends and I’m still spiraling into self loathing, where I belong.
She swore up and down that she absolutely still wants to be friends with me, but I’m not sure I believe her. The look she gave me when I told her I’d like to ask her out. It looked like sadness, but a small part of me is convinced it was pity, or worse, disgust and loathing, and that small part gave me ever shuts the fuck up. But anyway, she gave me permission to write about her.
She is one of the creepy fixtures of our little neighborhood after all. She told me to make her seem as insane and scary as I possibly could and that she should get to kill me at the end. She also handed me a few of her high school yearbooks, advised me to chat with another neighbor of ours who she went to school with, and to only use creepy rumors for the rest.
Part of me is really willing to describe her as awful, but that’s just my anger. I don’t like that part of me. Trista’s not a bad person at all. She’s just weird and she doesn’t want to date me. God damn it, Petunia’s right. I need therapy.
So, I’ve told the story of the sexy, scary lady living in a polycule here in the trailer park. I think she’s got a bigger heart than she lets on. I’ve talked about the stories surrounding the Schroeder Slaughterhouse. Now let’s talk about the hippy everyone thinks is a vampire.
She’s a taller woman, maybe five-seven or eight, and she’s skinny. Her typical wardrobe is… interesting. Try to imagine your typical new-age hippy/stoner girl, wearing colorful sarongs, crop-tops, beanies, baggy sweaters, T-shirts with colorful sayings on them, sandals, boots woven from some sort of exotic plant, beaded necklaces, bracelets, a few too many piercings and some intricate tattoos. Can you picture that kind of person? Well, take that and dip them in “goth” dye. Everything is black, and contrasts to her pale white complexion, her eyes are this unusual violet color, and then make the woman wearing all that seem kind of depressed about something. That’s the look Trista has going on. Like if Wednesday Addams was forced to dress up for Hippy Day.
I’ve heard people call her an emo vampire, but as a former emo myself, she doesn’t fill out all the criteria. She doesn’t typically wear any super tight pants or cake on the eyeshadow. I guess she’s just Trista. It might sound weird (and it is) but the whole thing suits her. Her style, tattoos, and complexion all create this image of skinny vampiric waif with a mysterious past and a freaky sarcastic attitude and I found the whole thing… kinda hot.
Trista keeps to herself. She’s made the most out of her little corner of the trailer park. Like I said, she decked out her unit with garden squares, and a Rabbit pen. No idea why she’s allowed to do that. A lot of these places don’t allow pets. I heard she was also trying to put in a beehive too, but her neighbors are fighting her on that one. Our park is a bit too condensed for bees. She has a permit to grow hemp, but of course it’s not for recreational use. She treats it and uses it to weave things like handbags, clothes, and other stuff. There’s a consignment store in town that sells all kinds of things Trista has crafted herself. So she’s handy and self sufficient too. She paints, she carves wood, she weaves, she crochets, she sews, and who knows what else. She’s so good at her little crafts that apparently she’s able to support herself just selling them and working part time at the Moonlight Inn outside of town.
She’s also relatively friendly. I almost feel bad calling her weird, but here’s the thing, I’ve seen some REALLY weird shit. People jokingly call her a vampire, and she seems to embrace that, but part of me seriously wonders. The big clue is, like I mentioned, she’s completely nocturnal. She’s always asleep during the day, and every blind and curtain is drawn tight. The one time she came out during the day, she had on this full body suit with a helmet with UV glass and everything. Even then, she only showed up to give Petunia a hug, before leaving again.
That was the first time I saw Trista, come to think of it. I was kind of intrigued. It was kind of hard not to be when someone shows up to a community cookout in a freaking astronaut suit. I approached Petunia after she left.
“Who the heck was that?” I wondered.
“MASON! I’m so glad you could make it! You’ve been here about three months now! How’d that job interview go?”
“Oh. It went well. I might be doing janitorial work soon.”
“Night shift?”
“Maybe. I’m not sure.”
“If it’s the night shift, you’ll definitely meet the person who just left. That’s Trista. She’s the girl with the rabbits in the far corner. Poor girl. She’s got a really bad skin condition. Can’t let sunlight touch her.”
“Oh. Is she like… albino or something?”
“No, she’s got pigment. I don’t remember what the condition is called. I guess it started in high school or something. You’d have to ask her. And hey! If you work the night shift, you’ll probably get to chat with her!”
Petunia wasn’t wrong. I started working as a nighttime janitor for a number of local businesses. That was when I first started noticing the pale goth hippy. She rides around on a moped, with her dark hair and her sarong barely billowing behind her. I couldn’t see her face through the helmet, but she waved to me as she passed by.
The next time I saw her, she was jogging, but here’s where it gets weird. When I first stepped outside, all I saw was a blur. It actually startled me as I whipped toward it, but then there was this skinny tattooed pixie, somehow still looking like a stonehippy/vampire in jogging gear. I swear she was moving inhumanly fast when I first noticed her. That was when we introduced ourselves. She actually jogged over to say hello.
“Hey! You’re the new guy right?”
“Oh, uh, yeah. My name’s Mason!” I reached out to shake the pretty girl’s hand, like an awkward loser. She smirked and shook my hand. Her grip was weirdly strong, and a bit cold.
“I’m Trista. I’m the weirdo in the back with the rabbits.”
“Trista… oh, are you the one who has a thing with sunlight? I think Petunia mentioned you.”
“Yup! That’s me. Xerodoma pigmentosum. Sunlight hurts. I hate that it hurts.” She lamented.
“That’s gotta be rough,” I said sympathetically.
“You get used to it. You work at night?”
“Yeah. Works better for me.”
“I get that.”
And so on and so on. She’s pretty cool, with a bit of hilarious snark in there. And she secretly procured recreational weed she was willing to share. I kept working the night shift just hoping for another chance to talk to her and possibly buy a joint. Eventually she invited me over to share a joint. The inside of her place was actually pretty sparse and spartan compared to the outside. Though she was a fan of hanging beads. Most of the main room was taken up by her various crafting projects and supplies. Hemp weaves, some paintings, and even a wood carving of what I think was a rabbit, but it wasn’t anywhere near complete.
I followed her to her kitchen where she reached into the very back of her pantry and pulled out a shoebox. Inside was her stash, but there was something else which I found very strange. It was a pack of syringes and a thing I assume is to sterilize syringes. I know what you’re thinking, and that was my first thought too. It’s a poor neighborhood, the woman already smokes weed illegally, it’s not that big a shock that maybe she was involved in other drugs too. I decided not to ask at the time. We shared our joint, and we laughed, a lot. She made fun of me for being a lightweight, while I got completely hypnotized staring at the patterns of a shawl she had woven.
Months went by and we got closer, but I couldn’t forget those syringes. After a while I got worried. I’ve seen what heroine does to people. So the next time I went over to smoke and eat (vegan) pizza with her, I asked.
“Trista? Are you using anything other than weed?”
“Drugs?”
“Yeah.”
“No. Why?”
“You can tell me if you are.”
“Mason, sweetheart, I’m a stoner. I don’t fuck around with anything else and I never have.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
“Okay. Can I ask what that set of syringes are for?”
“Oh. In my stash box? Those are… part of my condition. I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Oh. Is it like… embarrassing?”
“Yeah. So don’t ask. Can we just watch a movie?”
So I don't ask anymore. But I still have no idea what she does with those syringes. Based on what I read about that Xerodoma Pigmentosum thing she says she has, I have no clue what she would need to inject herself with.
Another time she asked me to check on her rabbits for her during the day, as her usual “sitter” had something come up. All I had to do was chop up the lettuce and carrots she left out. As I was enjoying the adorable fluffy faces, one of Trista’s neighbors, a woman named Bridget, poked her head outside her door.
“Hey. Do you know what Trista injects those rabbits with?”
“I… what?”
“I’ve seen her use syringes on those rabbits. She said she was just giving them medicine, but I swear I see her inject them every week.”
“I… I wouldn't know. She just asked me to feed them.”
“I love Trista, but that always seemed so weird. She has to know vaccines are a hoax!” I tuned the woman out after that one. My mind was on that set of syringes. Why would she be using them on rabbits? These things were her pets.
I was starting to crush on her by then. But I couldn’t help feeling weirded out by that. I was actually going to confront her, but the next time I came to visit, she was literally inside the Rabbit hutch, on her back, squealing with delight as her rabbit friends nuzzled and played with her.
“Bonnibelle! That tickles! Marcy! No chewing. Finn? Watch where you’re sticking that foot! Jake? Where are you? EEEEE Lumpy! Not the neck!”
It was as silly and adorable as it sounds. She was forced to whip herself upright when two of her little friends tried to burrow under her dress. She finally stood up with a laugh, cradling a rabbit in her arms and cooing at it.
There was just no way in hell this woman was doing anything that would hurt these animals. Bridget is a paranoid antivax weirdo anyway. If Trista was using syringes on the rabbits, I was convinced it was only for their benefit.
So life went on. I got more and more reclusive over the years. Petunia, Trista, and my next door neighbor Fred were the only things keeping me remotely connected to the outside. And so we get to now. So let’s see. What are the stories about the weird vampire woman?
Well, there’s the fact that she jogs at night, solo, in a poor neighborhood. Petunia keeps the shitty people contained and behaving for the most part, but I still wouldn’t exactly call it safe, especially for a young skinny woman. But she does it without a care in the world.
There’s one strange event that some people like to connect to this. I never knew this guy, but from what I hear he was a total weirdo who leered at anyone even remotely female. And this is despite the fact he was married. His name was Josh.
I remember him a bit. He’s the guy that Petunia chased away from one of her barbecues. Supposedly he was heard saying inappropriate things to the groups of ten year old girls that were playing in the bounce house Petunia rented. Telling them how pretty they were. Trying to coax them to take off their jackets. Police reports were filed but ultimately nothing could be proven. The guy's wife, Carole, always defends him for some reason.
But anyway, I remember hanging out with Trista one night a little over a year ago. She hadn’t gone jogging like she normally did. I asked her what was up with that.
“That weirdo, Josh has started catcalling when I pass his place. It weirds me out.”
“There aren’t other people who do that at night? I’m still shocked you jog alone.”
“Not like this. I can flip off a wolf whistler. But this guy… he keeps trying to get me to stop and talk to him, and when I don’t? He shouts about my ass. I’m gonna have to talk to Petunia about that shithead, if anybody can reign him in, it’s her.”
I’m gonna guess she never got a chance. Two days later, the whole town was awoken by sirens. I was getting ready for my shift when I heard them. I walked down the road a bit to see if I could figure out what was going on. The cops were heading toward the other side of the park, so I couldn’t see much. But I did notice Trista, in her jogging gear, skulking in the shadows. I wondered if she was in trouble. But before I could call out to her, she sprinted straight to Petunia's house and banged on the door. Petunia welcomed her inside, and that was all I saw. I still wasn’t sure what was going on, so I just shrugged and headed to work, figuring I’d text Trista later.
I didn’t learn till later that Josh was found dead. He was lying prone, face down, partly hidden by bushes at the edge of the park. His neck was cut open. He’d bled out rapidly. He had a knife in his hand, and officially it’s believed he fell on it and accidentally killed himself. There was a cocktail of drugs in his system so most people accept that explanation. But others swear they saw Trista out for her jog around the same time Josh would have been bleeding to death. She got questioned, and she swore she didn’t see anything. Without evidence, there was nothing else that could be proven.
Trista’s a friend. I know that guy was being creepy to her. So I’m happy to take her word for what happened, even if my seeing her going to Petunia’s pokes a bit of a hole in that. I can’t be sure it was Trista though. So I’m not saying a word. But if a certain creep attacked a certain lady who is rumored to be a vampire, it’s not that surprising to me that he ended up dead after bleeding to death. I’m not all that broken up about it.
I’m not the one spreading that story. Josh’s wife was the one who started the rumor. So now some people are even more convinced that the weird nocturnal hippy chick is secretly a vampire.
She’s no killer. No matter what they say. She would only have defended herself.
So that’s all the stories I’ve heard that have any credibility to them. There’s more people who swear she and Petunia perform weird rituals, and people who saw her moving “inhumanly fast” and such.
But now I have to share what I found in the yearbooks Trista gave me. I wasn’t really expecting much. I checked her senior yearbook out first. She looks about the same. Pale, goth, hippy, and sort of sad. She kind of looks even sadder in these photos if I’m being honest, but that’s high school for you. She graduated in the top half of her class, no sports or extracurriculars. I’m left wondering how she managed to go to school at the time of sun was so bad for her. I’ll have to ask her about that. So nothing really new there.
It was the yearbook from her junior year where things got really interesting. I was in shock when I found her. Trista is somehow impossible to miss, but unrecognizable all at once. She’s full of color! She wore more typical tie dye hippy attire. Bright vibrant pinks, reds, blues, greens, and yellows, in every photo, and holy shit was she busy. Captain of the soccer team, first chair flutist, president of the “green living” club and the “vegan alliance,” top ten in her class, it was all incredible. I think the main reason I didn’t recognize her was her skin. It was tan, as though she were out in the sun a lot. Furthermore there were photos of her playing sports and standing outside in bright sunlight.
It was like her disease wasn’t there, which confused me. She told me it was something called Xeroderma Pigmentosa. But that’s a genetic condition. She would have had that from birth.
I sent her a text, wondering about this.
- Hey! Just went through your yearbooks. What happened? You had color? Did you discover Linkin Park?
- My disease happened. Right at the end of Jr. year. That’s why I wasn’t there for the final class photo.
- But your disease is genetic… isn’t it?
- I guess it was dormant in me.
- So it just… happened?
- Pretty much.
- I’m sorry.
- I got over it. Mostly. It was hard. My parents were both hardcore vegan naturalists and we lived in a place that was all natural light and such, so I had to live in a shed for a bit while they built a space for me. But in my family? We kinda lean into whatever life throws at us. It took months of depression to come to terms with it. All of a sudden I couldn’t be out in the sun, and I had new dietary needs that absolutely required non-vegan sources. So I leaned into it. I was a vampire now. I can dig dark colors and “vampire style.” I could make it my own by avoiding leather. And I’d be as vegan as I possibly could.
- You’re kind of awesome.
- Damn straight. So I learned to love the night too and now, here I am.
I gained new respect for her after that. Frankly I feel kinda shitty about making fun of her for being a vampire. There might not be anything paranormally weird about her after all.
She sent me one more text telling me I should talk to a guy named Frankie. She’d gone to school with him. He’s a decent enough guy. Works in the Bicounty mall in town.
I had to wait a day or two for another of Petunia’s get togethers to talk to him.
“Hey!” I said awkwardly as I tried to figure out how to strike up conversation with someone I haven’t really spoken to in a long time. “Frankie, right?”
“Oh. Yeah. Been a while. How are you Mason? You okay after that whole thing at Red Nights?”
“I’m trying to be. Look, I’ll cut to the chase. You went to school with Trista Ramone, right?”
“Ol’ Boho Ramone? Yeah. We were sort of friendly. But I was a jerk to vegans back then. Why do you ask?”
“I’ve been hanging out with her. She’s being all mysterious.” He chuckled at that. “She said I should talk to you to learn more about her… weirdness? Everyone thinks she’s a vampire now.”
“She’s totally a vampire. I have no idea what else to call her?”
“Why do you say that?”
“What did she tell you about school?”
“Nothing. She just showed me two yearbooks. Between Junior and Senior year she went from colorful club president, to lonely vampire, because of her disease.”
“Nah man. I don’t want to talk bad about her. But she was kind of a bitch, junior year. She wasn’t just a colorful vegan. She was one of those “holier than thou” types who scoffed and talked down to anyone who dared to eat meat. Her “hippy” thing meant she never hung out with the popular girls but still, she acted like she owned the place at times. I was friends with this weird guy named Steven Jones. He was just kind of a weirdo. Skulking around in the background, you know? He HATED Trista. For a while I totally understood. I thought she was kinda stuck up. But this guy was like… irrationally enraged by that girl’s existence. I guess he tried to ask her out when he was a freshman and she politely declined. But he took that shit personally.”
“Huh. So like… why’s that matter?”
“Because Steven kept saying to anyone who gave him a second look, that he was gonna ‘ruin’ her. Never elaborated. But then the last month of school rolls around, Trista gets assaulted by an unknown assailant and a week later she’s got this new disease. Meanwhile, Steven spent a week strutting around the school looking smug, and saying ‘she got what she deserved.’ Then he disappears too. Teachers said he moved away.”
“She was assaulted?”
“Yeah. Someone in a face wrap tackled her while she was at one of her protests at the meat factory. The dude freaking BIT her.”
“Jesus.”
“Yeah. I was there. I came to the protest. I’ll admit I was trying to hit on Trista or one of the other girls there. But yeah. Dude dressed in all gray with a face wrap just charged in and went right for Trista. Knocked her down, bit her like a freaking zombie, then ran away before anyone could stop him. Didn’t even take his face wrap off. It was freaky, man.”
“What the actual fuck.”
“That’s what we all said. Trista needed a stitch. But while she was at the hospital, I guess she started getting more symptoms. She was out for the rest of the year. From then on, she was like she is now. Total vampire.”
“Was Steven a vampire?”
“I dunno. Probably. Little dickhead is what he is. Must have been him that attacked Trista, but nobody could prove it. Bite mark didn’t match or something. So why are you asking? You hang out with her at night right? You asking her out or something?”
“Oh. No. Just a friend.”
That was all I really learned from Frankie. It’s quite a story, and it’s full of unknowns that Trista refuses to explain. So I guess I’ll let readers be the judge. Is she a “real” vampire? Or just a weirdo? All I know is, she’s totally standing behind me right now and now I’m dead. Bleh.
I did come back to life to talk to Trista once I finished writing this. She enjoyed it. I may as well include that interaction.
I went to her place on my night off. She read my take on her and what the neighbors thought and she grinned. “Ha! I’m a total monster!” She chuckled. “So. What do YOU think, Mason? Am I a vampire?” She cocked an eye and playfully gnashes her teeth at me, making a pleasant little click.
I sighed. “No idea. You’re Trista. And… you’re my friend. I’m sorry if I made things awkward.”
She looked surprised by that. “Aw. Thanks Mason. You’re my friend too. It’s okay. I’m flattered.”
“You don’t have to explain.”
“So we’re cool?”
“Absolutely not. We’re both weird shut ins.” She laughed. It was good to hear her laugh. It made me happy.
“Yeah but I got the ‘mysterious vampire’ thing going.”
“You have dirt in your hair from rolling around with bunnies. And you’re a vegan.”
“Bite me.”
“Says the vampire.”
“You know, if I were a vampire, I could have bitten you when we both went to the slaughterhouses a few weeks ago.”
“That just makes me stupid.”
“You’re not stupid, Mason. You’re not a loser either.”
“So. You know of any other good spooky town stories that I can do next?
“Oh, sure. You ever heard the tale of Salome? She was a witch who would mash up the seeds of a Sinapis Alba plant to make a diabolical potion she’d dump on herself. They called her the ‘Witch of the Sands.’”
I’m embarrassed to admit it took me four days to realize Trista was just fucking with me. I only figured it out when I looked up Sinapis Alba and learned that mashing the seeds just makes mustard. “Salomi the sand-witch.” Well played, vampire hippy…
Sexy Neighbor
Haunted Slaughterhouse

Introduction

1. ^{Will this be your first dog? If not, what experience do you have owning/training dogs?}

No, I grew up with labradors and had a portuguese podengo when I was in high school.

1. ^{Do you have a preference for rescuing a dog vs. going through a reputable breeder?}

I'd like a puppy to be honest.

1. ^{Describe your ideal dog.}

Chill indoors. Active outdoors. Likes day long hikes. Will run with me (the ocasional 5k once a week usually). Biddable and trainable. Low/no barking (I live in a apartment). Medium to large dog. No agression. A warning bark is ok. Can be left alone for some hours.

1. ^{What breeds or types of dogs are you interested in and why?}

So I'm quite partial to the eurasier as it fits what I described above really well, but I'm scared that they might not be trainable to the extent that I want (ie. come when I tell them to come and ignore the fox or the squirrel).
Alternatively I've looked into the labrador but I'm concerned over all the health issues this breed has, On top of this their indoor activity level (I would like to both crate and leave the adult dog alone for periods ranging from 1 to 8 hours) seemed to concern me.
I've looked also into the rough/smooth collie and they seem really good fit also but since I'm in an apartment, I'm concerned over barking.
Also looked into the american sheperd but the energy level seems to be too high (I was looking at providing the adult dog between 1 and 2 hours of daily outoor exercise).

1. ^{What sorts of things would you like to train your dog to do?}

Obedience and little more. Might do agility for fun but for day to day I need obedience training to be able to off lead the dog.

1. ^{Do you want to compete with your dog in a sport (e.g. agility, obedience, rally} or use your dog for a form of work (e.g. hunting, herding, livestock guarding)? If so, how much experience do you have with this work/sport?)

Only recreationally, I be keen to do agility.
Care Commitments
⁷ How long do you want to devote to training, playing with, or otherwise interacting with your dog each day?)
Like I said above, I'd be keen to do between one hour to two of walking outdoors which include training exercises but also running etc. On top of this indoors I also wish to interact with the dog whenever I'm there. It would be a family member.
⁸ How long can you exercise your dog each day, on average? What sorts of exercise are you planning to give your dog regularly and does that include using a dog park?)
1.5 to 2 hours a day for the routine, ideally ponctuated with much longer hikes/runs on a weekly basis. Free-lead walks, tug of war, training, retrieving/fetch, running with the dog.
I'm not sure I would take my dog to the dog park. I'd rather have him lead-free in a normal park.
⁹ How much regular brushing are you willing to do? Are you open to trimming hair, cleaning ears, or doing other grooming at home? If not, would you be willing to pay a professional to do it regularly?)
1x a week brushing. More in shed season maybe.
Personal Preferences
¹⁰ What size dog are you looking for?)
medium to large
¹¹ How much shedding, barking, and slobber can you handle?)
Shedding I can handle fine.
Barking not so much - I live in a apartment.
Slobber I wouldn't like.
¹² How important is being able to let your dog off-leash in an unfenced area?)
Important. I plan to take my dog on hikes and to the park where he could walk with us. I'd like to only use the leash if we're going around traffic.
Dog Personality and Behavior
¹³ Do you want a snuggly dog or one that prefers some personal space?)
Both to be honest. I prefer a dog that is usually ok by himself but will ocasionally want to to snuggle.
¹⁴ Would you prefer a dog that wants to do its own thing or one that’s more eager-to-please?)
Trainability is important to me as I need him to have a good "Come" "No" "Sit" and "Enough"
¹⁵ How would you prefer your dog to respond to someone knocking on the door or entering your yard? How would you prefer your dog to greet strangers or visitors?)
No agression. A warning bark is ok.
¹⁶ Are you willing to manage a dog that is aggressive to other dogs?)
I am willing to the extent that I'm going to socialise the puppy as much as I can to prevent this.
¹⁷ Are there any other behaviors you can’t deal with or want to avoid?)
No agression.
Lifestyle
¹⁸ How often and how long will the dog be left alone?)
One of us works from home and I work 3 days a week at the office. I expect that the dog will be routinely left alone something between 1 to 4 hours a day with the rare 8 hours where neither of us are available.
¹⁹ What are the dog-related preferences of other people in the house and what will be their involvement in caring for the dog?)
We both want a dog. We both wish to be involved.
²⁰ Do you have other pets or are you planning on having other pets? What breed or type of animal are they?)
Nope. We might consider getting another dog a year later and maybe a cat down the line.
²¹ Will the dog be interacting with children regularly?)
Not regurlarly. Just at the park or when we visit family.
²² Do you rent or plan to rent in the future? If applicable, what breed or weight restrictions are on your current lease?)
We own.
²³ What city or country do you live in and are you aware of any laws banning certain breeds?)
London. Dangerous breeds are banned but that's about it.
²⁴ What is the average temperature of a typical summer and winter day where you live?)
23C (73.4) for summer. 3C (37.4) for winter.
^{Additional Information and Questions
25} Please provide any additional information you feel may be relevant.)
²⁶ Feel free to ask any questions below.)
I was hoping to get input from people who do own or have owned any of the breeds I listed and would let me know if there were a good fit or not,

I posted this exact post on stopdrinking but not many people saw it and i feel like i need some advice and other points of view
The sad story of a damaged kid(me)
Well, to start it all off i know that this story doesnt really compare with many others here but i honestly think that booze has had a significant impact on my life for such a young age(22 btw).
To give some context to why the following events fcked me up so much just keep in mind that on a psychological test i did when i was 15 it showed that the thing i valued most in my life at the time was my family.
Fast forward 2 years and my life started to fall apart, i was living in a beautiful mansion with a pool and a "happy" family of 5, we were throwing parties regularly and in general people respected me a lot and not just for the huge house and get togethers i was able to have but also because i was that "mysterious down to earth rich kid that you would never think lived in said mansion and has a beautiful gf(model type beautiful" and quite frankly i loved that reputation i have to admit.All of a sudden age 17 i started developing problems with drinking, we would go out 3 times a week with m friends and i would drink until couldnt physically drink anymore since the beginning, it was clubing though so people couldnt tell i was drinking as much as i was, but i was still a happy drunk and in general it wasnt causing me problems and i wasnt doing it more than my peers were.That summer i got back home one day and realised my father was out of his mind drunk to the point of cussing at us and in general being a huge dick(something he had never ever even displayed signs of), thats the day i learned my father was just a high functioning alcoholic that had just started going off the rails with his problem.
For the next year that incident stayed an isolated one and things were supposed to be normal again, until the day my father and my mother had a huge argument in front of me and my 2 sisters(one 20 and one just 12), and when i say argument i mean big truths coming out and books being thrown, then that kind of became the norm and 2 months later just before my graduation i had 2 big news coming my way. One was that they were taking a divorce(which they announced to us while my father had a whiskey bottle infront of him and was heavily intoxicated) The second one was that we had absolutely zero money and had to sell the house to keep existing(something that we also had no clue about).Nice plus is that i was breaking up with at the time my 5 year hs sweetheart very badly(cheating and yelling and all sorts) lost her to the booze as well btw
Then the year after school is were i chose to destroy my own life over the mistakes of others, i started drinking a lot more than i used to and its not the frequency but the fact that when i started i wouldnt stop until i physically couldnt drink anymore, i made myself a fool infront of a lot of people, i was acting insane in front of all my school at certain events and in general burned down every bridge i had built and every bit of reputation i had left. Mix that with use of other illicit substances and you have a shell of a young man that lives just to drink his pain away, i was always curious as to why its only me getting so angry drunk, in hindsight its pretty obvious.A year of this goes by and i have now absolutely embarassed my self in front of everyone i know to the point of not wanting to go out at all but still going out and being a zombie until i drunk that first drink.
Then covid hits and boy oh boy was it a time to be alive, two parents fighting and getting divorced while not being able to move out because we were still waiting to sell the house, at the time my father was taking heavy meds for depression(benzos) which i unfortunately found and abused with alcohol for the whole first summer of covid, when i say abused i mean 7-8 beers daily and 9-10 pills daily( 3 different ones as well). I hardly remember any of that time but i have seen pictures of me and i looked unhinged, i was legit high and drunk the whole time for like a month straight..
Then the house gets sold and we can finally move out with my mother and two sister to an apartment she owned that was not even close to where we were living, my room now is the size my bathroom was back then and my sisters went from 20m2 bedrooms to sharing a room next to my mother(who has it even worse if you compare).I dont want to sound ungrateful because im really not, i am so happy we even had a place to go and not leave the beautiful town we live in, i am grateful to not have died during certain times, i am grateful to still have food to eat, i still remember the first market we went after the house sold, first time thatwe could but more than 15 euros things at once for like years. BUT i still grieve the life i had, the house i had, the reputation i had. People now didnt talk to me apart from my 5 best friends(i am grateful for them also).
So, after we moved i was drinking but not as heavily then i started just not being able to control it, i was rolling a dice everytime i drunk, will i be pleasant when blackout drunk or will i cause everyone to hate me for the night again? I was craving so much attention that when drunk i did anything i could to get it, some years go by and my life generally seems to be going kinda good, i wasnt doing well academicaly but i had a job, i was much better mentaly and i was developing some skills plus being an athletic helped a lot.
The reason i am writing this is because yet again for the past month i have done horrible things while drunk, the thing with me is i will do something very stupid and then control the drinking for sometime and then again the same over and over again, might i add i am a very calm kinda shy akward and sensible person when sober so the contrast to when i am drunk is so big that my friends have a name for my drunk alter ego.1 month ago i drove drunk and thank god only did some damage to the car, 2 days ago i got drunk and lashed out on my mother, everything came out but in the worst way possible, pushing her cussing her and for no reason at all, all she asked was for me to give her the car keys so she will be sure i wont drive while being so intoxicated.I have never felt the embarassment guilt and shame i feel right now, i am a person that will not kill the cockroach because i will feel sorry for it, my mother is like the most important person in my life and the fact i did this to her breaks me, i hate what this poison has done to my life and i want to stop and never drink again.I have tried moderating it but after a while i just drink "normally" again. I have left out a lot of things and a lot of drunken nights and actions i regret, almost all my days are now being spent cringing and being ashamed of the things ive done while drunk, i feel like vanishing right now(i wont kms) but its really bad. Thank you for reading and im glad to answer any questions below.