Poem husband on his birthday

I So I(30f) am adopted my mother(57f) has three biological children after me my oldest younger brother who I will call Mike for this(27m) and my youngest younger brother, who I will call Dan(25m).
So for some context, the second my mother had her three children. I basically became The family maid, babysitter and caretaker for them.
Due to this, I have a difficult relationship with Mike. He has often told me that being adopted means I’m not really part of the family and my mother enabled him not to mention physical /emotional abuse I had to deal with from both of them.
On a sidenote, my mother loves to portray the happy family, but that is so not true. I should also note that Mike has a weird obsession with men that are not biologically related to him. He thinks insulting and teasing me. Will somehow make him friends with my husband( which he really want to be his best friend not my words my husband‘s words) and gets extremely jealous When our stepdad pays anyone else attention. I will admit I am my stepdad’s favourite as he saw what I was going through took me aside to do things to show me that there are people in the world that will care about me but they were little things like taking me for pho soup on my birthday (we didn’t celebrate mine the way the did the others) or letting me go to the store with him every couple months
Now onto my story, my youngest brother Dan was about to graduate, and for some reason Mike was planning the family gathering. The only information I had gotten was the date of the event no timings of when it was starting or location not even showing up time and as the weeks got closer to the date of the event, my husband was getting anxious. He is in the special forces so he hast to submit paperwork in order to travel six hours away, which we were doing in a day trip, so about three weeks prior to this I iMessage the family group chat asking if there was a rough idea of what time we were gathering.
I was met with copious amounts of berating from Mike about how I’m an adult and have the information and several personal insults (primarily focussed on how I was heavy set noting the heaviest I’ve been was about 240 and I now weigh about 140 having just lost 100 pounds)
I replied to this message on how those comments were inappropriate and here were the texts, and no timings were given to me for a second time an exuberant amount of insults came my way.
I replied with OK and left the chat. After hanging up and crying for what felt like only moments my mother calls and decides to continue the berating of now, not only my character, but my difficulty making friends my disabilities (I was a 3 month early premie so I have a learning disability and a few mental health issues) and her surprise at my husband would want to be around me sadly it does go on…
Both my husband and I discussed that it might be more beneficial for me to take a break from her take a step back and I did for a couple of weeks and then I sent her a message about how I found what happened inappropriate I showed her any messages that had anything to do With the event for some reason that I wasn’t making it up and low and behold she continue to put me down and how she was disgusted with my behaviour. She isn’t defending my brother he wasn’t doing anything wrong. Just tried to plan our gathering.
The part I wanna know if I’m the asshole is I’m now getting calls from family because I have declined family events as I don’t want to be around Mike nor my mother and when they ask me, I tell them exactly what happened and saying that I’ve decided for mental health reasons to cut them off Until they can learn to respect some of them say I should be the bigger person…. I don’t think I should

Throwaway account for privacy.
This situation is a bit weird, so my husband suggested that I post here for advice.
I (36F) and my husband Jack (38M) have been married for almost four years now. My father-in-law Adrian (76M) is very traditional and immigrated here from Eastern Europe with Jack and Jack's mom when Jack was nine. By traditional, I mean the full get-up: politically conservative and sexist, I suspect he's racist and homophobic, and he thinks he's always right because he's the oldest (this last piece is the most relevant here). I am an academic and spend a lot of time in my head, so my head is my 'safe space', as it were. As such, I don't like people touching my face or neck because it's an invasion of my privacy. My husband knows this, my bio family knows this, and nobody's had a problem. However, Adrian is obsessed with pinching people's cheeks, especially if they're a younger generation and especially if they're women. He's tried to pinch my cheeks on multiple occasions, but I loathe it when people do that and will always move away before he has the chance. It's a foul, filthy, and utterly barbaric habit that I don't countenance from anyone. Jack asked him multiple times to stop, but Adrian doesn't listen to him because he (Adrian) thinks that he can do whatever he wants because he's older.
Recently, Jack's family came over to our house to celebrate a birthday, and Adrian went in for the pinch. I wasn't paying attention and Adrian barely managed to start grabbing my face before I noticed and immediately moved away while throwing out my arms to protect my face. Jack came over and asked what happened, and I responded that Adrian tried to assault me by putting his greasy little primitive fingers on my face. Adrian got offended and said that he could pinch my cheeks whenever he wanted because he was the oldest, and I pointed out that he never pinched Jack's cheeks, only mine. I told Adrian that if he ever tried touching me again, I would call the police and report him for assault. Jack got mad at me and said that Adrian was an old man and to just let it slide. I said that I have the right to defend myself, especially in my own home. Adrian got mad and left, much to my relief, but now Jack is mad at me for making his parents leave. AITAH here for threatening to call the police on my FIL for invading my personal space?

(Background) Back in 2016, my boyfriend at the time had started talking about him moving from his state to mine. We began looking at possible job opportunities for him as well as a better apartment. He came to my states to celebrate our birthdays because they’re only a week apart during the same month. We had a wonderful time! While we did all sorts of fun activities, we spent a lot of time planning the move. Fast forward to the day he flew home. He calls me from the plane and tells me that he is still engaged. I don’t really remember much about the conversation after his revelation because I was devastated.
About 3 years ago we decided to give it another go at the relationship thing. This past year, things have started getting serious. We’ve been looking at engagement rings, I’ve met his family, and once again we’re at a place where we are looking for job opportunities because the plan is for him to move to my state. The plan was for him to move sometime in May/June of this year.
(The problem) About a month ago, he calls me up and says the classic line, “we need to talk”. He then proceeds to tell me (not ask my input) how the move will have to be pushed back because he wants to throw his mother a party for her 60th birthday. His mother’s birthday is in September. Initially, I wanted to know how big of a party he was planning to throw. He started talking about how him and his sister are looking for a venue and a caterer. I just said “okay” and tried to suppress the familiar feeling of not being his priority.
The following day, I asked one main question: who is contributing to the cost of the party? He said that he would be splitting the cost with his sister. Normally, that would suffice as an answer, but his sister does not have a job. Her only source of income (from what he has told me) is the checks she receives for a couple of her special needs children ( she has a total of 4, but not all are special needs) and whatever extra she can get from one of her children’s father because he pays her rent. He said that his mother’s husband is not contributing because he does not know about the planned surprise.
Based off of what he told me, and knowing that he barely makes enough to get by (not a criticism at all), I stated that because it would take a lot of saving after throwing such an elaborate party that in my mind, it would be well into 2025 before any move or engagement would happen. He paused and then agreed that my assessment of the situation was correct. I again don’t say anything about it for a couple of days because I didn’t want to overreact. It was a few days later that he casually states that he is going to have to get a second job in order to pay for all of this. For me, that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I told him I was angry, and I would let home know when I was ready to talk about it. A week later he calls me demanding answers. I told him how in my mind, he chose his mother over starting a life with me just like he chose his (now ex) over starting a life with me all those years ago. His response was “I apologized for that and we knew it was going to be a hard thing to deal with”. I’m not the type to rush into a decision, and if forced or rushed, I will cut ties and call it done. I eventually told him that I thought we should end it since he wanted a quick answer. This is the aftermath via text ( had to copy/paste):
Me:
“My anger at you does not cancel my love for you. I specifically told you I was not ready to talk. When you called wanting an answer right then, you got the response fueled by my hurt and confusion. This is why I told you I wasn't ready to answer. So this is where we are. I stopped trying to rationalize and evaluate my feelings about this. I don't want to ask any more questions. I am exhausted from this emotional roller coaster. For now, I am going focus on trying to get out of this negative head space and get myself back to being able to eat without having to force myself.”
Him:
“I want you to be better, your health is and always be top of my list. I told you that this time around was not going to be easy. Because of what I did to u before. I also told you that I would do anything to fight for our love. If you need more time I am willing to give u more time. Just let me know you need the time.
I'm not welling to let go just that easy.”
Me: “I already told you that and that didn't work “
Him: “I didn't understand then and I'm sorry”
So AITA?

My Father-in-law (FIL) is TOXIC; he walks over boundaries my husband and myself have set for our children, disrespects my daughter (his granddaughter) - to the point where I question if he wants her to exist. When I was preggo with my son (oldest child) FIL was over the moon excited about the baby, two years later with my daughter he was indifferent at best to the news that we were having a girl.
FIL has four grandchildren, 2 boys from BIL and his wife, and 1 boy and 1 girl from my husband and me. He fawns over my nephews (whatever, they live right across the street and we live about a 10 min drive away), tries to be present for my son, and acts like he doesn't care that my daughter exists. We have requested that my children not receive more nicknack type toys - this request has been frequently ignored by FIL; but to add insult to injury it was my nephew's birthday and we were all together, FIL decided to get the other nephew something also (whatever, his $) - he also bought something from my son, all the while leaving my daughter out completely.
If we are over for a family meal (which is most saturday evenings) and the kids are getting a bit too rough/loud for my preferences, I will ask my children to settle down/stop running inside/ use inside voices... (not my nephews unless they were harming my children). FIL will retort, 'My house, my rules and I didn't tell them no'. It is his house, but it was only my children that I was correcting because I, as the mother of said children, deemed the behavior inappropriate. There are also issues where I've told my kids that they need to need to try something before being allowed dessert (or seconds of something else) and FIL decided that it's acceptable to allow my children the desserts or the seconds without them having tried the other food.
Add to this list other similar issues and the result is that I'm ready disallow FIL from seeing (even pictures) my children or getting any information updates on the kid's lives (5m,3f). As far as I'm concerned by his continued disrespect for my daughter and myself, FIL is making an active choice to be completely removed from both of my children's lives - no pictures, no visits, no general info updates...
MIL is a sweetheart and we get along great, she would be welcome to stop by and visit the kids if she came w/o FIL. Potential cousin issue - since the cousins live right across the street from FIL any visits between the two groups would need to be at a 'neutral' location like a park so that FIL wouldn't see my children while they are visiting their cousins
WIBTA for removing all interaction between my FIL and my children?
edit: Husband addressed the gift issue with his father. From the respect side of it, he's said, 'yeah, dad's a sexist jerk, and you deserve to be respected'. Hubby claims it's a defense for he's dad because the eldest sister disowned all but the youngest sister in college. Hubby was hurt by my idea of cutting off his dad but agreed FIL is wrong.

My Father-in-law (FIL) is TOXIC; he walks over boundaries my husband and myself have set for our children, disrespects my daughter (his granddaughter) - to the point where I question if he wants her to exist. When I was preggo with my son (oldest child) FIL was over the moon excited about the baby, two years later with my daughter he was indifferent at best to the news that we were having a girl.
FIL has four grandchildren, 2 boys from BIL and his wife, and 1 boy and 1 girl from my husband and me. He fawns over my nephews (whatever, they live right across the street and we live about a 10 min drive away), tries to be present for my son, and acts like he doesn't care that my daughter exists. We have requested that my children not receive more nicknack type toys - this request has been frequently ignored by FIL; but to add insult to injury it was my nephew's birthday and we were all together, FIL decided to get the other nephew something also (whatever, his $) - he also bought something from my son, all the while leaving my daughter out completely.
If we are over for a family meal (which is most saturday evenings) and the kids are getting a bit too rough/loud for my preferences, I will ask my children to settle down/stop running inside/ use inside voices... (not my nephews unless they were harming my children). FIL will retort, 'My house, my rules and I didn't tell them no'. It is his house, but it was only my children that I was correcting because I, as the mother of said children, deemed the behavior inappropriate. There are also issues where I've told my kids that they need to need to try something before being allowed dessert (or seconds of something else) and FIL decided that it's acceptable to allow my children the desserts or the seconds without them having tried the other food.
Add to this list other similar issues and the result is that I'm ready disallow FIL from seeing (even pictures) my children or getting any information updates on the kid's lives (5m,3f). As far as I'm concerned by his continued disrespect for my daughter and myself, FIL is making an active choice to be completely removed from both of my children's lives - no pictures, no visits, no general info updates...
MIL is a sweetheart and we get along great, she would be welcome to stop by and visit the kids if she came w/o FIL. Potential cousin issue - since the cousins live right across the street from FIL any visits between the two groups would need to be at a 'neutral' location like a park so that FIL wouldn't see my children while they are visiting their cousins
WIBTA for removing all interaction between my FIL and my children?

Really really need to vent, sorry it's a long one.
When I was a teenager, my high school boyfriend broke my ribs after years of torture. It started with light teasing, hair pulling and then the extreme. He held a gun to my head and threatened my new relationship when I left.
New relationship with college boyfriend who "saved" me turned into the same thing but only worse. Not only physical violence but sexual as well. He would video us and threaten to post them online if I didn't do as he said. He also turned me into an addict. Drugging me with Xanax, cocaine and opioid, so I got hooked. I ended up pregnant and knew after he threw me down a flight of stairs I needed to do better.
I ended up pregnant and alone in a DV Shelter. I rekindled the relationship with my parents, my best friend and got the help I needed. I did not realize how much control he had over my life.
Years of court battles, custody hearings, child support and finally a PFA. I finally got to a place where I felt stable enough to live my life without being in fear. My anxiety was better, my PTSD was better. I learned I had done reactive abuse back, as many of us tend to do. "There is only so many times you can hit a dog before they bite you" As my therapist told me as I also learned I had BPD due to all of my childhood traumas.
I started a job I loved and met an amazing guy. It was not love at first sight, I was not being saved. I was just seen for me. My bright shining personality that I worked so hard to regain. We dealt with a lot in our short time together, the loss of both of our family members, including my dad. We lost the house we were living in and have a new place now.
We both came with children into the relationship and have none together although he considers my child his own. We have his son who lives with us. He is a terror. I have lost two jobs, have to pick him up and drop him off everyday. I have to drive him to his friends houses, outtings with his friends, for his mom to even see him I have to drive him there.
My now husband, works almost every day. He pays all of our household bills and both our credit cards. I have higher limits on mine but currently they are all maxed out because we cannot afford our lifestyle, plus all my medical bills are on the credit cards. It's about 15k overall across 5 cards. 3 in my name, 2 in his. We have one car which is mine from before him, I do all the driving in the household.
We have certain rules that we agreed upon when getting our new place. His son breaks EVERY SINGLE RULE. He hits his dad. Breaks mine and his dad's things. Throws sissy fits over going to school. This is a preteen for context. He even hits my child, a toddler, but says it wasn't his fault. I've been noticing it more and more. At my MIL's house, the son was hitting mine over the head with a foam football. He kicked my child in the face going up the stairs. All "explainable" things, kids will be kids. My in laws and what's left of my family agree. The kid needs help that we can not give him.
Which brings us to today. All weekend I've been miserable because I can not be alone. Someone always needs me. I'm touched out. I have no free time. I am unemployed, have no child care and am stuck in my house besides appointments and driving my stepson around. After getting home with groceries my toddler helped me bring stuff in but not the preteen. He can't even bring his school stuff more than 2 feet from my front door. I tripped over his stuff and his shoes. I asked nicely for him to come downstairs and gather his belongings and put them away. He them cursed at me and started flipping out. I said we have rules and they need to be followed in my house and he goes "well who pays all the bills not you" and it triggered me so fucking badly.
And I proceeded to loose my cool. I flipped on him, who pays the bills? My payout from my dad's death. My credit cards paid for all the food in this house. I put all the money down to get this place. I cook EVERY single meal, I do all of the cleaning. I ended up draining my child's bank account to keep the lights and heat on over the winter. Any child support I get goes into the house for food. I spent over 400$ of MY money before having to leave my job on just clothes for him. I take care of his stupid dog because he refuses to. I got all his Christmas, birthday and Easter presents with MY money. But he is going to throw in my face that his dad pays the bills in the house? Yes the mortgage, electric and water bills. Everything else gets thrown on my credit card which again, they are all maxed out.
I told my stepson to pack his stuff up, he can go back to his mom's. I did not sign up for this. I called my husband and told him either come home or tell his mother to come get him. I did not sign up for this. He asked me what you are going to make me choose? No, because I know he will choose his child every time over me, it's been fairly clear this past year.
I have received no presents for holidays or my birthday. No mother's day either. No appreciation has ever been given to me for all I have done and sacrificed for this little blended family.
I just can't help but think, is this another abusive relationship? Isolation and reliant on him for money? Nothing physical except for "kids will be kids".
His son reminds me so much of my child's biological father, it scares me. His words are far too hurtful for a preteen. Same as his actions.
I don't want to be alone in this house anymore with him. I can't do the summer and live in fear with my child getting hurt yet again. If I wanted to live in fear I would have stayed with ex.
Idk but now I just received a call from my husband saying he is done with work and I have to go pick him up. I just hope this is something to be redeemed and nipped in the bud. I have stepped up and done everything his biological mother hasn't and he couldn't listen to one thing without being flipped out on and cursed at. I know my own reaction was not appropriate I shouldn't have yelled and told him to pack up and leave. But like something needs to change...right?

Chapter 9
Location: On the Road to the Citadel. Outside Tulla Hold
POV: Orfantal
Tulla Hold is built in a cliffside and is massive. Haral tells Orfantal that Lady Hish is not here, so they don't have to go inside, which is good, because Orfantal's horse would not make the climb. Instead they camp. Orfantal does not share the captain's view of his horse. Orfantal thinks his horse is strong and will take him all the way to Kharkanas. Gripp notices the gate to the hold opening. Orfantal creates another fantasy where he gets kidnapped by bandits, but through cleverness becomes the bandit king until he is betrayed. Breaking him out of his reverie, Gripp tells him there is a highborn in a carriage coming out of the hold. About the same age as Orfantal. When they arrive they bring food and supplies as is the Tulla tradition. The young noble is Sukul Ankhadu, sister of Sharenas. Orfantal asks if she is a hostage like him. Haral tells him lesser families only exchange hostages with their equals. Tulla is of the Greater Families in court. Orfantal thanks Sukul for the food and supplies and she responds that he definitely didn't learn his manners from his grandmother who showed no honor to Urusander's Legion. Orfantal apologizes for his grandmother and Sukul who is touched by his words, says, "Should the need arise in your life for an ally, you may call upon Sukul Ankhadu." She beckons him to join her at a campfire. Orfantal imagines they will be great friends, but vaguely in the future awaits their betrayer.
Orfantal is dismayed that Gripp and the others left the two nobles to their own fire. While in their company he had begun to think there was no difference between them in regards to class. He was one of them. But now the division was obvious and he was reminded of the rules of behavior that made no sense and kept people apart. Sukul asks Orfantal to tell her about himself, saying that she knows about his grandmother and thought their line dried out. She says he must have come from far away. Orfantal knows the story he is supposed to tell when people ask him, but as Sukul is to be his companion he tells her the truth. He says Sandalath is his mother and his father died in the wars saving many famous highborn. Sukul says that Orfantal surely has a different story he's supposed to tell. Orfantal says yes, but that it doesn't make sense. Sukul asks if they are truly friends now. Orfantal nods. Sukul then gives him advice on what to do when he gets to the Citadel. She says he may be lonely as all the adults have very busy lives. He is surprised by this, thinking they would all welcome him warmly as they did his mother. Sukul tells him to seek out Lady Hish Tulla. Sukul will give him a message to give to the lady. Orfantal agrees and asks why she is a guest in Tulla Hold.
She says her sister has taken a wayward path and her mother did not want her to follow. Her mother was friends with Lady Hish from the battlefield and asked her for a favor. Lady Hish had also been on a wayward path, but has since pulled back. Sukul then tells Orfantal, "blood is not the only loyalty in the world. Two spirits, matched of vision, can reach across any divide. Remember that, Orfantal, for on this night such a friendship has begun, between us." She says that Hish Tulla is trying to forge bonds between nobles and officers in Urusander's Legion in order to prevent a civil war.. But that many officers like her sister have no interest in peace. Orfantal says he wishes that Sukul was his sister, Sukul says friends are better and more reliable. She also tells him to make the story he is supposed to tell, the truth in his mind. She makes him promise that he will tell no one else what he has told her. Sukul tells him, "You can create whatever truth you choose. We live long, Orfantal – much longer than the Jheleck, or the Dog- Runners. Live long enough and you will find yourself in the company of other liars, other inventors, and all that they make of their youth shines so bright as to blind the eye. Listen to their tales, and know them for the liars they are – no different from you. No different from any of us." A small voice in his head says that he does not like liars. Lying meant betraying loyalty.
Location: Citadel
POV: Rise Herat
Rise Herat and Legyl Behust, a small girl, are out on a merlon. Rise is telling her not to fall off. She is excited to be this close to the edge. He tells her to look out of the city, but to ignore the industrial section. She wants to see the forest he keeps talking about, but it has receded to a dark line on the horizon. He goes on to compare Kharkanas with a body with it's areas of industry. She doesn't understand him and says, "Cedorpul's a better teacher than you. He makes sense. You don’t." She leaves to play in her room. She is the lone hostage in the Citadel. Cedorpul had ambushed him and made him give her a lesson during his morning ritual. Before he could say no, Cedorpul was gone. Rise Herat is the court historian and attempted to give Legyl a history lesson, but her questions and comments confused him, so he gave up. He knows he's a terrible historian. He prefers sweeping color over obsessive detail and feeling over intense analysis.
He sees the shadow of Mother Dark's indrawn breath. The priestesses believe that she feeds on the light. He laments what must be if Mother Dark becomes absolute. The loss of light. He thinks of Kadaspala. The priestesses say that all who would dwell in the coming darkness would be able to see in it. He knew that would come from sorcery and so would not be free. Cedorpul joins him at the tower. Round face and round body huffing. Someone else comes with him. Cedorpul asks where Legyl is and Rise tells him in her room. He says that Rise has abdicated his responsibilities. Rise responds, just like you did this morning. Endest Silann pushes past Cedorpul to look out over the city. Rise asks what he sees. Endest says it is more what he feels and he feels unburdened. The weight on his shoulders will return when he goes below.
Cedorpul tells Rise that Warlock Resh brings a guest to see Mother Dark. He says that she is from the Vitr. Rise faces Cedorpul surprised by his statement and the man's lack of eyebrows or other facial hair. Cedorpul says they should reach the edge of the forest soon. They wanted to see if they could witness it from the tower. Endest jokes about the proper decorum. Cedorpul doesn't like his irreverence. Endest reminds Cedorpul in which state he found him this morning. Under 3 priestess candidates. He tells Rise that Cedorpul tells them that their prowess in bed must be tested prior to becoming priestesses. He also swears them to secrecy. Cedorpul is mad at Endest for outing him and also tells Rise that Endest doesn't mind taking his cast-offs every night.
POV: Sister Emral Lanear
Sister Emral Lanear is one of two High Priestesses in the court of Mother Dark. She thinks about the illusions they all must keep up. The lesser priestesses around her are gossiping about the visitor. Sister Syntara, the other High Priestess, calls to Sister Emral and tells her it is time. She does not like the young powerful woman. She thinks there is no need for two High Priestesses. The temple they occupied was built as a tribute to the long forgotten god of the Dorssan Ryl. The Yan and Yedan cults were of that time, but she dismissed those as they invented rules of suffering confusing that with faith. Syntara is annoyed that Emral continues to look in her mirror. She has topics to discuss with the other High Priestess. She tells Emral that they must be ready to take advantage of any opportunity. Emral has resisted her at every turn. Syntara says it's not her fault that Emral is old and she's sure Mother Dark only elevated her because she pities her.
Hunn Raal is in the city and Emral had denied his petition for an audience with Mother Dark. Syntara says that was a mistake and tells her about T'riss. Emral says she hasn't denied his petition, only delayed. She wonders aloud at the reasoning for Hunn Raal going to Syntara filling her ear. She surmises that he wishes to use this Azathanai from the Vitr to get a command from Mother Dark to mobilize Urusander's legion and reinstate it's veterans. Emral asks how the highborns will react to a full strength Legion in light of the proposed marriage between Urusander and Mother Dark. Syntara responds that Draconus's response to said marriage is the only thing people are worried about. Emral asks if he will indeed be sacrificed. Even if he is, that would be a short term mollification if Urusander's legion is full strength and holding their swords over the heads of the highborn. She asks Syntara if she would dance for them. This comment hits Syntara as there are rumors of her being a sex worker dancing in alleys in her youth. Emral says that hating Draconus is only a sign of jealousy and that he is granted no power from being Mother Dark's lover.
Location: Outside Kharkanas
POV: Caplo Dreem
The party escorting T'riss to Kharkanas is coming upon the edge of the forest. Previously they had stayed at the Yan monastery. Caplo thinks about how unfortunately he had made Faror Hend his enemy and how he would now have to assault her reputation. He thinks about when he brought T'riss to meet with Mother Sheccanto. Mother Sheccanto asks T'riss is she will be a guest here and T'riss responds how dry it is and it is not befitting a mother. Sheccanto says if she will not be a guest she can go on her way without delay. T'riss says that Mother Sheccanto's faith is empty, but that she likely knows that. She goes on to tell her that there was once a river spirit/god near here. Once they had dug the well and put in a fountain, they had made the god a prisoner. Prisoners die.
Sheccanto observes that T'riss lacks the tact of most Azathanai. T'riss tells her that tact is really just amused condescension. She tells Sheccanto that she is dying and her cult is dying. Sheccanto says of course she's dying and tells Caplo to get her out, but then T'riss accepts and says she will be a guest. She tells them that she thinks Mother Dark has made a grave error in judgment. Then she says she will now go bathe in the fountain. Sheccanto tells Caplo to stay and berates him for letting the bandits kill their children. The cult needs children to stay alive. Caplo was shocked by Mother Sheccanto's admission that of course she was dying. She had been alive for 2,000 years. Amid this reverie, she says, I'm not dead yet staring directly at Caplo. Caplo says he thinks the Vitr damaged T'riss. Mother Sheccanto responds, "Mad she may be, but her power remains, and it is unmitigated by the restraint of reason." She tells him he will be her escort to Mother Dark and to keep his skills at hand. He is an assassin and wonders if it's possible to kill an Azathanai. He also questions whether or not Mother Dark can protect herself. He thinks she surely can. Sheccanto says Mother Dark only trusts one man and he is an outsider who has gone to the Azathanai lands. Her old suspicions are awakened by this.
She goes on to say that while they cannot pierce the veil of mother dark, her spies tell her that Anomander may be able to, so that proves that others might as well. Caplo wonders aloud if he should just kill her here. But she is known to be here, so that would invite the wrath of the wardens. Caplo is doubtful of his ability to kill T'riss in the chamber of night as he has seen Anomander fight and knows he is fast enough to stop Caplo. Mother Sheccanto is fine with the odds and Caplo knowing his low chance of success understands that he may be a sacrifice. Mother Sheccanto tells him to only strike if T'riss intends harm to Mother Dark. They need Mother Dark's gratitude. Caplo's death is worth that gratitude in Sheccanto's eyes. She gives him other tasks to do while in Kharkanas. Caplo joins Resh at the fountain where T'riss swims naked. They philosophize for a long time, then T'riss gets out and asks Caplo, "Your Mother advised against my murder, then? It is well. You would not like my blood on your hands, lieutenant." Caplo denies, but then says they will defend our own. T'riss questions what constitutes 'their own' and that he relies on that ambiguity to justify his killing. She goes on to say, "I believe you are a killer, and that you are both given reasons for the necessity, and assemble in private more of your own, bolstering such justifications as needed." Warlock Resh gagging asks T'riss to restrain her power. T'riss responds that it isn't her. Caplo asks who's power if not hers. T'riss responds, "Your river god was dead. It is dead no longer." Warlock Resh says the god is enraged.
T'riss remained in her room for the next two days as the settlement is plunged into chaos. Mother Sheccanto has lost all control of her body and is confined to her bed. Resh had sent a rider to the Yedan monastery telling Father Skelenal. The thirteen eldest sisters among them had died. In the great well of the ancient god, the water boiled. As T'riss is readying to leave, Resh says he will wait for Father Skelenal to arrive. T'riss says no and that Resh is not needed here. Mother Sheccanto will recover and speak in private with Skelenal. T'riss orders Resh to accompany her. Resh accepts her command, but asks why. T'riss says he needs to witness what will happen. Caplo asks if she is a threat to Mother Dark. T'riss says if she is, there is nothing anyone can do about it, but she says no she is no threat. She says she brings change and how Mother Dark responds is up to her.
While on the way Resh tells Caplo that something is building and that the forest people are free and when they kill the last tree, the last free people of the realm will cease to be. After long discussion of this, T'riss breaks in and says their rituals are meaningless. Once subservience becomes rote, it ceases to be subservient. In any case that is not the relationship the river god wants. It wants comprehension on it's existence. T'riss goes on. You offer your life to the river god, but that's not what the river god wants and it has no idea what to do with your longing, helpless soul. If the god could make you understand something it would be, "the only thing worthy of worship is humility itself." Caplo starts to respond with derision, but Resh gestures him to be silent. Caplo thinks that though he was going to argue, he sees the truth in their predictable behaviors. Resh then exasperatedly asks, "what does our god want of us?" T'riss responds, "he wants you to be free." Caplo is rocked by this revelation. Warlock Resh is brought to tears. "In tears, water runs free."
Location: Citadel
POV: High Priestess Emral Lanear
Emral and Syntara are on their way to see Mother Dark and the way gets progressively darker as they get closer. Emral thinks that there is no beauty in the citadel and the old temple looks a skull with ants trying to escape. The Tiste are the ants. As they get closer Mother Darks presence weighs on them and they must slow down and their breath becomes more shallow. Most of the priestesses and those close to the goddess have developed some ability to see in the dark. Emral is shocked to feel a rain drop fall on her head. The water freezes as it rolls down her face. There was never any rain in the citadel. Alarmed she announces that something is happening. The rain starts to fall harder and the lesser priestesses are panicking. Emral tells them they are dismissed and that the High Priestesses need to speak with Mother Dark. Syntara is mad because Emral doesn't command the procession.
Anomander and his brothers arrive and tell the High Priestesses that the Azathanai is through the gate and that the river is flooding and water streams the streets. He asks for Emral's thoughts. Emral says the Shake. Syntara is looking around confused. Anomander tells Emral that it's unlikely that this is the doing of the Shake. They've never attempted to reclaim the old temple. Emral posits that perhaps they would be allies then. Anomander says they are unreliable, "One thing the worship of a dead god assures, and that is unmitigated freedom for the priesthood" They are off balance now. Emral says if the Shake are nimble they can turn this to their advantage. Anomander says Mother Sheccanto is very ill. Silchas responds that they must look to Warlock Resh then. Emral thinks this shows that Silchas too is very sharp. She tells the brothers that T'riss's escort is Resh and Caplo Dreem. Anomander says that they must think on why Caplo is here. They sniff out that Caplo is there to kill the Azathanai if necessary. Anomander says that he doesn't share Sheccanto's panic. Emral asks if the brothers can stop him. They aren't sure. Caplo is the fastest with a blade that either has seen. Syntara frustratingly says Anomander should then stand between Caplo and T'riss and that they are wasting a lot of time as the group approaches.
Syntara says they must warn Mother Dark. Anomander assures her that Mother Dark already knows and doesn't need anything from them. He goes on, "Sister Syntara, we hens have much to decide here, yet you persist in pecking the ground." Syntara asserts that she is a High Priestess. Anomander verbally eviscerates her, "Your elevation was intended to ease the burden of administration from Sister Emral. Little did Mother Dark realize your venal ambition, and if you think high tits and a damp nest are the surest paths to power, might I refer you to Gallan’s poem, “Trophies of Youth”? Anomander says he will address the Caplo situation. Emral is shocked by Anomander's revelation. She was not aware that Syntara's elevation was to help her. Emral feels a great fondness for all three of the brothers. They remind her of their father whom she loved.
Anomander says they will wait for the Shake party to come to them. Andarist points out that having so many here is a sign of weakness and says he will leave. Silchas says he will join him as his talents are made redundant by Anomander remaining. Silchas suggests that they go find Captain Kellaras who has recently returned to the citadel and enquire about Hust Henarald's answer to Anomander's request. Emral once again contemplates Anomander's competence and attributes it to the same qualities in his father. In the same thought she also hopes that none them have their mother's flaws.
Syntara asks if they will just stand there. Anomander responds that she's not needed and should go seek shelter in Mother Dark's presence. Syntara agrees, but says she won't sink to their level of rudeness. She says she seems to be the only one to understand the position of High Priestess. Anomander responds, "Would that be on your knees, Syntara?" Syntara, enraged, leaves. Emral cautions Anomander that while she is awful, she is not powerless. Anomander agrees that he was unwise, but thinks Syntara's rage will fall on Emral and for that he is sorry.
Location: Streets of Kharkanas
POV: Caplo Dreem
As they move through the streets of Kharkanas they encounter it's citizens in panic. Caplo, Resh, and T'riss stop their mounts in front of the rising water. T'riss says she will walk from here. Resh asks if all of the bridges and stone banks must be destroyed in order for the river to be free. T'riss responds that, "Mother Dark is awakened to its presence. She asserts her domain." The flood is subsiding and T'riss comments on Mother Dark's impressive power. T'riss continues on in the water. Caplo and Resh remain mounted and follow. Caplo looks and sees steam. Mother Dark's power is growing. T'riss wonders why if there is highborn and lowborn why there is no royalty among the Tiste. Caplo says their was, but the queen died on the battlefield trying to find her husband's body. The queen's body was never recovered. She was Mother Dark's half-sister. T'riss asks why she couldn't have just assumed the mantle of Queen. Caplo says it was possible, but that she was deemed unsuitable. Resh says that she was not political. She was idealistic and romantic. T'riss says she thinks the empty throne suits the tiste highborn. Resh says that the throne is now the throne of night and Mother Dark does indeed sit upon it. T'riss asks if she will be sitting on it when they have their audience. Caplo says he has no idea. It's in darkness after all. T'riss guesses that while the queen had no direct descendants that she did have other relations. She correctly guesses that these are Mother Sheccanto and Father Skelenal. She says that they could claim the throne. Resh stops Caplo and asks him why she knows this and why she's bringing it up. He doesn't know, but assures Resh that the age of Kings and Queens is over. For love the queen cast the realm into chaos. The lesson was not lost on the Tiste.
Location: Kharkanas Old Tower
POV: Rise Herat
Rise, Cedorpul and Endest Silann watch as T'riss and her escort walk down the street. Rise wonders if warlock Resh will lay claim to the Old Temple they are watching from as it was an ancient temple to the river god. They watch as Resh and Caplo dismount and continue on with T'riss leaving the other Shake behind. Rise wonders about the nature of Mother Dark's godhood. How it is difficult to worship negation and that if T'riss is in opposition it may help define how they worship their goddess. He also correctly guesses that T'riss is the one in danger at this meeting. Rise challenges Cedorpul's faith and Cedorpul takes Endest and leaves asking Rise to check on the child.
Location: CItadel
POV: High Priestess Emral Lanear
Emral and Anomander await T'riss and her escort. Syntara has gone in to commune with Mother Dark. Emral knows how frustrating that can be as she offers no clear answers. She says that Mother Dark is idealistic and romantic and that probably suits an object of faith and worship. As T'riss approaches a bloom of light does as well. Ice had sheathed the walls and it now cracked. T'riss displays great power. Emral wonders why the Azathanai are not worshipped as gods. Caplo and Resh follow close behind and look uncertain and exhausted. T'riss stops in front of Anomander and says, "Night will claim your skin. Before your eyes, darkness will be revealed. But I will make visible the defiance within you, as a gift." Anomander responds that he asks for no gifts and has no defiance. To Emral T'riss says, "Your sorrow, High Priestess, is lonely, and you are driven to share your truths. I advise against it. Give voice to your secrets and you will be rejected by those for whom you care the most." Anomander tells her if she seeks answers, she may be disappointed. T'riss says, "The Tiste view the Vitr as an enemy, It is no such thing. It exists for itself. It is a sea of possibilities, of potential. It holds life in the manner that blood holds life." Anomander asks if it created her, she says no. He says it is expanding towards Kurald Galain. T'riss responds, "The sea does not dream of you." T'riss says she will see Mother Dark now and moves past Emral. Caplo and Resh make to follow, but Anomander snaps out a hand and pins Caplo to the wall. Emral sees the gleam of a knife in Caplo's hand. Resh shakes his head and it abruptly vanishes. T'riss does not react to this and continues forward. Anomander tells Caplo that no blood is to spilled within the chamber. Caplo says the command is unnecessary. Anomander then addresses Resh and tells him to tell Sheccanto that if she ever sends her Assassin into audience with Mother Dark again, they will spike his head on the wall of the citadel. Resh agrees to relay the message.
From the doorway, T'riss's light vanishes and Syntara stumbles out skin changed to white. When Emral goes to assist her, Syntara declines and calls her a hag. She says she chose her gift and rushes out of the corridor. Resh groans and says, "She's gone." Anomander asks if she was banished. Resh asks if Mother Dark gives him nothing. He says she might, but he doesn't ask. Resh says time twisted in the chamber. It could have been days and that T'riss brought some of the Vitr with her. They didn't know. Anomander asks if it was weapon. Resh says, no it was a gift.
Anomander commands the Shake to stay and takes Emral into the chamber. Emral notices that the darkness is less oppressive to her and that she can now make out details of the chamber. Mother Dark is on the Throne of Night . She is now black-skinned. Anomander asks if Mother Dark is harmed. She responds that she is not. Anomander asks if she sent her away. Mother Dark instead addresses Emral saying she is now the only High Priestess and that Syntara chose to create a schism. It cannot be undone. Anomander asks about the ancient river god being resurrected. Mother Dark responds, "There is peace between us. You see too many enemies, First Son. We are not threatened from without; only from within." Anomander asks what T'riss has done here and how she has changed the darkness. Mother Dark again doesn't respond. She addresses Emral and says that the temple is now sanctified. Emral thinks sanctified by the Vitr? She wonders how Syntara was changed as she thought her faith unassailable. Mother Dark says T'riss was able to see deep into a mortal soul, but doesn't understand tact. She gifted Syntara with something that put her beyond Mother Dark. Mother Dark says that they both now have the ability to see in darkness and everyone who comes before her will receive the blessing. Emral looks to Anomander and sees his black skin, but is shocked at his silver hair. Mother Dark says she is troubled by this and that one day she will tell him of his mother. Anomander says he has no interest and that, "Love cannot survive the absence of memories, and for that woman we have none."
Anomander asks if she will meet with the Shake. Mother Dark says not yet. Anomander shouts, "then name your enemy!". Mother Dark says she has none. She asks him to win the peace for her. Anomander continues to ask about threats and to say that he is a soldier and cannot win peace without war. He asks how Syntara poses a threat. He says the Shake will not take her. Mother Dark says her gift will draw people to her and that they cannot stop it. The schism must be made so it can be healed. Anomander asks, what about Draconus. Mother Dark stills and tells him to leave. Anomander says without him he cannot accomplish his task. She tells him to leave again.
Location: Kharkanas
POV: Hunn Raal
Syntara has come into Hunn Raal's tent. He is shocked by her skin change and asks if Mother Dark had blessed her with new sorcery. Syntara responds that she has been cast out and that T'riss had said she could see in her soul and saw terrible things. She then touched her and did this. She demands sanctuary and says she needs the protection of the legion. He says it's now complicated. She says it wasn't yesterday when he groveled about everything being in place. He says she isn't a High Priestess anymore, so things are different. She asks if he is too drunk to fuck. He says probably. She asks if Urusander will take her.
She asks contemptuously if Hunn Raal will now wage war on the Azathanai. She says that T'riss disappeared as if she open a door in the air itself and Mother Dark recoiled from this power. Hunn Raal sees that Syntara is the same as him and tells her to take this information to Urusander. He tells her exactly what to say. He says she has light within her. She says she will now be a High Priestess of light. She says Liossan and asks who their enemies are. Hunn Raal responds that their enemies are anyone that seeks to hurt Mother Dark. He asks who could challenge this. She responds what about Draconus. He says Draconus uses Mother Dark, so is a threat along with The Deniers, and the brothers and sisters of the Monasteries. Syntara says they will plunge Kurald Galain into Civil War. Hunn Raal says they will prevent one. He says after they purge the realm it will be the end of war and Light will balance out the Dark. She says she wants Emral dead. He says no. Syntara dubs Urusander Father Light. She says she must leave immediately. She tells him his troops must wait now, the Highborn are no longer their enemies. He says he fears it may already be too late. She tells him to make sure it isn't.
Location: On the road to the Citadel
POV: Orfantal
The caravan comes upon some well equipped riders that are definitely not bandits. Haral moves the wagons to the side to allow them to pass. Orfantal notices the equipment of Urusander's legion. He asks Gripp if they are hunting bandits. He begins to say they are Legion. Gripp pinches him and tells him to shut up. Orfantal notices that Gripp is pale. Orfantal twists around to look at the soldiers and Gripp tells him to turn back around and ride on. Orfantal asks what's wrong. Gripp looks for a sign from Haral and sees it when he frowns. Gripp tells Orfantal to listen to him and that the soldiers are coming back. Orfantal asks why and Gripp says because the soldiers shouldn't be here. At least three of them were from disbanded units. He tells him to ride ahead and once he has a straight path to gallop. He says no more questions and don't look back. He slaps the nag's rump and she takes off. Orfantal hears swords being pulled as he runs away. He hears screaming. He presses the horse on and she gallops, but eventually slows.
He hears another horse galloping behind him and fears a knife in the back. The horse rushes past and he sees that it's Haral's but with no rider. It is soaked in blood and gore. He looks back, but is around a corner. He sees two riders emerge and they take off after him. His horse is laboring. Orfantal looks around for a place to hide. He pulls off onto a different path and hears the riders getting closer. He sees their swords are out. He kicks the horse forward and she sinks through the clay into mud. She pushes through. They are half way to the other side when she sinks to her belly and stops. Orfantal now crying sees that the two riders do not dare to follow into the mud. He dismounts and rolls away. The nag had now sunk to her shoulders. He knows she will die and knows that he betrayed her. He's not supposed to be the betrayer. He is able to stay on the crust because he is very light. He makes it across this bog and looks back to see the two riders leaving. He also sees two columns of black smoke and knows that all of his companions are dead. He knew they weren't bandits because they would not fire the wagons. He looks back at his horse. He goes back to her. He puts his arms around her neck and holds tight. The nag puts her cheek against his head and Orfantal weeps. The horse takes her last breath. He is now numb. He knows that the real world doesn't care about his fantasies. That anyone can be a betrayer and that he can trust no one, not even himself.

So in the beginning of this year my husband moved us away from my family to the middle of bumf-ck nowhere because of job opportunities, which admittedly there are and he does earn more. I don't get to see any of it though. We spent all our meager savings on a house we bought, which I trusted him to go and inspect knowing full well what I do and don't want in a home. So now we're house-poor in a house that turns out to be a downgrade in almost all ways (especially the ones that matter), except for more space that we can't even use because half of it is unfinished basement which he hasn't managed to make any progress on in months (and a garden which I do like). He was supposed to apply as for a grant to improve our shoddy windows, but he hasn't gotten around to making a required phone call despite ample time. I miss my parents, who are the only reason I got anything done with a baby and a toddler. Our old home was organized, while this one is a mess that I don't have the time or storage space to fix. The kids are missing out on so much cousin and grandparents time, because my family is way closer than his who lives up here. That time would given me room to breathe, too. They all get to meet up multiple times a week while I'm stuck here. His mom is never gonna come to watch the kids except once in a blue moon, because she's too busy volunteering everywhere. My friends were there too and trying to make new ones is a slow process. I feel very lonely.
And then came my birthday, which was the icing on my cake. He gave me a "funny" card about how we wished we could grow up faster and boy, that was a mistake. I know he agrees with that sentiment, but none of it has any meaning for me. There were no words of appreciation. He wrote nothing inside the card either. He didn't even sign it. He e-transfered me some money for my birthday gift, that I can spend on groceries or something nice or whatever. I guess it's more than he did for mother's day, which was absolutely nothing at all. Anyways, welcome to my pity party!

This seems so trivial writing this out but it's giving me anxiety. I (35f) have always loved tattoos, to me they are a beautiful way to express yourself. My mother on the hand has always said she thinks they're stupid and can't imagine why anyone gets them. In 2020 my father suddenly passed away and it clicked in my head that you never know if you will see tomorrow so do what makes you happy, so I finally decided to get my first tattoo, this was within a year of him passing. I got a tattoo that had deep meaning for me and in its own way helped me get through my father's passing. When I told my mom about it I knew she wouldn't approve but I had no idea how badly she would react. She came over to mine and my husband apt to drop something off and asked to see it, she just stared at it and asked why I would do this. For some reason it was like she took it personally that I got a tattoo just to hurt her, she squeezed my arm hard and started crying and then screaming at me about how disappointed she was and betrayed she felt... the kicker though was her yelling that my dad would be disgusted with me for this. It got the point where my husband was about to throw her out. After she left I just laid in bed crying while my husband reassured me she was wrong for everything she said. Eventually my mom and I started talking again, she apologized, I think her reaction was so strong because she was still in such a deep depression about my dad passing. She hasn't mentioned the tattoo since. Come to present day, my mom is doing much better emotionally, she is dating someone and we are on good terms. Last July I got another tattoo, it's true that once you get one you want more lol. This one is much easier to hide, on my upper arm so I have yet to mention it her, so far it's been easy to wear long sleeves or t shirts that cover, but this weekend my brother is having his daughters birthday party at my moms and it's a pool party. I don't plan on swimming but would still like to be comfortable in a tank top, which would expose my "new" tattoo. So my question, should I give her a heads up that I have it, or just let her see it at the party? I don't want a scene at my nieces party, I don't know how she will react. The anxiety of her seeing it is about to make me puke. My husband is on the side of just let her see it and be dismissive about it. Thanks for advice in advance.
Info: both tattoos are not offensive, they are from two of my favorite book/ movie series. Also my mother was a highly protective stay at home mom my entire life, she has always had an explosive temper (always just yelling but knowing what to say to hurt you, never hitting) so even today if someone raises their voice I instantly feel like I'm in trouble and try to be invisible, my body physically reacts.

Throwaway account Sorry for lack of grammaspelling. I’ve never posted on Reddit and it’s late where I am. Long time listener of the podcast.
I (f23) and my boyfriend (m24) have been dating for almost 4 1/2 years. We have been living in an apartment together for the past 2 years. Let’s call my bf Ryan.
In September 2022, we went to another state for Ryan’s birthday (we’re from the U.S.) We had a great time and it was our first big trip as a couple.
The night before our flight home we were in the bed of our hotel room. He asked me to have sex and I told him not right now, because I was working on a homework assignment that was due that night. He said ok.
As I’m working I look over at him laying right next to me and he’s looking at porn. Right in front of me. Not videos of people having sex, but pictures of naked girls.
I tried to grab his phone but he held onto it tightly. I began to chew him out and ask what the fuck. I asked him how often he had been looking and he said “just right now.” I finally got his phone and went through his search history and he had been looking several times every day of our trip. Some of the timestamps even showed he had looked when he had gone to the bathroom after we had sex. He also had a video saved from tiktok in his recently deleted folder of a girl that was like “pause at the right second” to see her ass or something like that.
Ryan said he usually has porn blocked on his phone (idk how, some setting on safari?) but sometimes when he turns it off when he travels so bc sometimes the setting causes him to not be able to access certain websites we need while traveling. Idk if that’s bullshit or not.
I told him to leave me alone so he left, went to a restaurant or something. I was sobbing and called my friend (f25). When I told my friend what had happened she laughed and said “well, me and my husband look at porn.” It made me angry she didn’t care about my feelings so I hung up on her. I don’t care that she and her husband look at porn, but it was a shock to me that Ryan was looking. Later we were able to talk about it when I had calmed down and she was more sympathetic, but it still hurt me that she laughed.
Ryan came back to the hotel and I pretended to be asleep. He tried to spoon me and I told him to get away from me. We had an early flight the next morning and I tried to do as little talking as possible while he did everything he could to kiss my ass.
My parents picked us up from the airport so I acted like nothing had happened. When we got home I broke down sobbing. I’ve never cried like that before; I was crying so hard I was gasping for air and I couldn’t breathe.
Ryan said he felt horrible and he loves me. He never wanted to hurt me like this again. I decided to forgive him, only because we hadn’t discussed porn before as a couple and I guess I hadn’t expressed how it made me feel.
Flash forward to a few days ago (may 2024)
In the morning we’re laying in bed together cuddling and he pulls out his phone. When he unlocks it, it’s a picture of a naked girl on Google. Again, I try to take his phone and he won’t let me have it. He said he feels ashamed. I took it from him and searched his history which I actually found nothing. I searched his camera roll, email, tiktok, Instagram, text messages and didn’t find anything. He had only looked at the porn in the middle of the night (he had told m he was feeling sick. Does porn make your stomach ache go away?🙄)
Ryan had to go to work and I told him to not talk to me. He sent me a long message apologizing and saying he needs to get help. When he got home from work he said that he wants to try a few solutions. He said he wants to go to therapy to help him with his porn addiction. I asked him how often he looks, and he says probably every two weeks for about a year. That really hurts that he’s been looking for about a year, because that meant that just a few months after the first incident he went back to looking at porn and forgot or didn’t care how it made me feel.
Next he said that he wants to put a parental lock on his phone that blocks porn on safari and I’m the one who would have the password. I said I didn’t want to do that bc I want to trust my partner. I don’t want to be monitoring him. I don’t want to be his mother.
I basically forgave him and went about the next couple days. But when I’m alone or it’s late at night, all I can think about is how he continued to look at porn when he knew how much it hurt me. I couldn’t shake the feeling so I brought it up with him tonight.
I kept asking him how he could do that to me and he said it was just stupid mistakes. I told him it felt like he was cheating based off our agreement that he wouldn’t look at it again. He was looking at pictures of naked girls; how is that different than receiving a nude from someone?
I asked him if he felt like it was cheating and he said yes. He said he’ll give me all the time and space I need and I said “I don’t know if I need space or if I’m done.” I told him that I need to have respect for myself and I broke up with him.
Of course it was terrible. Crying on both ends. I packed a bag and went to my parents house and told them everything. I later called my sister (f22) to tell her everything.
I’m confused on what to do. Everyone seems to support my decision, but I am getting mixed reactions. My parents say some people view porn as cheating, and others don’t. My sister says that I maybe overreacted and it seems like he tried to extend an olive branch by wanting to go to therapy and giving me the parental safari lock. But she supports whatever I decide.
I want to take this moment to say I do not care or shame others if they choose to look at porn and it’s ok in their relationship. To me the thing that bothered me is he was looking at naked girls and hiding it from me. But am I over reacting by breaking up over it?
He says he has an addiction, but to me an addiction is something you can’t live without, have to do every day. He’s only doing it every couple weeks. I told him it sounds more like a guilty pleasure, and he said guilty pleasure and addiction are the same which I don’t agree with.
What I do know is he used to have a stronger problem with porn. He found his dad’s playboys when he was 7, and when he was a teenager he says it was really bad. I feel bad that he has had to struggle with that.
I am not in expert in addiction, so I truly don’t know if this situation is classified as an addiction or not. If it is of course I want him to get help and become better. But when do I stop showing forgiveness and look out for myself?
I also don’t know a lot about porn bc I don’t look at it. What I do know is that it hurts that Ryan was looking up pictures of girls. I asked him how he felt if roles were reversed and he said it would hurt his feelings too.
I called him before bed and told him maybe we could make it work with therapy. If he really is struggling with an addiction, I should probably help him through that. But I don’t know if I can ever trust/forgive him for looking at porn all the time, hiding it from me, when he knew how much it hurt me the first time.
What should I do? I love him so much and it hurts. Should I try to stick it out and us go to therapy together, or just fully end it?

Hi all (and who knows/I hope dr K),
Prepare to read!! But if you don't want to, get the TLDR at the bottom; I am very uncommon with Reddit so forgive me any mistakes!
I've been strugglin' along in life for a while now (am 26 years old) and even though I've been doubling down on dr K's videos last 6 months or so, it's been 10 years I've been working very hard on myself (sometimes really really obsessively). As following is how great my life is going;
I just got hired for a new job (System Engineer in IT), got a good base (got a small but nice apartment with garden, money, stuff, a cute cat) and I am very healthy and strong (I put alot of time in my health) and maybe I got some on the lucky side with appearance thanks to my parents (no model but u know, just fine). + I've joined group therapy on 18 yrs old for one and a half year, been in cognitive therapy since my 21st and still going sometimes and have been reading about philosophy, psychology for years and thought alot about a mentality of 'overcoming' and practicing this alot too in for example Boxing. As more medicine for the mind I sometimes make poems, play guitar and sing or make raps (been a while tbh), meditate, work out more, have a healthy routine and habits, try to do enough new things and take risks (as in Love and also career or vacations alone etc).. I feel like I understand myself and my world alot better than before and that I could do something really cool with these insights.
To understand my question but honestly also because I am weirdly eager to share my story, here's a small part of my history; My parents got divorced at age 5 or 6 because my mother joined a sect (like Amish but modernized) and the church said she had to, against my fathers' wishes. It was a horrible divorce, where suddenly my dad was gone, they regularly got in screaming fights with my mom wishing him dead etc, slamming doors (my dad broke into the house at least once) arguing over the relationship and us, while we didn't really understood why and cried ofcourse. Later on when things sort of settled down I saw my dad weekend on weekend off and until shortly I told myself everything was fine from that time on; it would be too much to tell, but I am now sure (beside every period also has some good things ofc) I have been emotionally neglected, traumatically manipulated by my mom (examples: literally years later when I felt sad my dad was gone while looking at old pictures where she cut him out, she said things like it was the demon in my room making me feel that way and she literally commanded/screamed it back to hell, I was frightened to death and my little sister cried once; my mother also observed and controlled us sometimes obsessively checking our stuff in search of where the devil could hide & would throw it away, and manipulate choices, what is not allowed to do or even think.. everything) and I lived an extremely sad, depressing, insecure and self-blaming youth. If I'd understood what really was going on with my mom and my family, I probably would have killed myself. Lucky me I guess she forced me to become a bit better at lying, and so too to myself. Hahah you thought that was all didn't yah? Hell no, here comes part two; at 15 yrs old I got kicked out of (that side of) the family which meant losing my mother, my siblings I grew up with, my best friend cousin and a whole network of friends because I had to move to my father in another city too far away. I had to walk away from home (my mom) because I felt very unsafe apparently, I wasn't welcome anymore after that. She also didn't respond to my texts, or said I could come and then cancel, and send not even a message from the first birthday since on. Later on I tried again but she keeps putting expectations on me and plays with my love for her. haven't seen her for 6 years now I think. But I also left the one good thing; my mothers' beliefs. I am grateful for my father to take me in, but I think now he was too traumatized by the happenings' in his life that he wasn't able to really connect with me when I moved in, we never discussed emotional parts or had a good talk the first year or more. Maybe we had later on but still, he always felt distant from me, as today I am afraid. Like he is half a ghost; He lives, but always seems unaware of half of what happens.. doing his routine over and over. You can talk but he forgets. Never said he loved me or anything, just he living his life and I mine besides his. I know he loves me, but sad it is.
So you can see I've been through some shit and still leaving out alot because it would be too long to read. I want to get to the point myself as like;
I am feeling okay lately and really are keeping my balance, feeling overall good and livin' prosperous as I actually always do. The only thing I really long still is having a connection with people. I don't know if it's me, them, or both.. I moved alot so it was hard to remain friendships, but I also think I find it hard to make friends because I feel like a strange ducky; I fear my past has changed me so much that I understand depth that my peers do not. It could be arrogance, but it must at least have some truth in it. It takes alot of energy to be around new people and since a year I have become alot more solitary, because I don't want to drink really, use drugs or stay up at night. I live a peaceful life reading, working out, pursue a nice career and sum good meditation (and tea) sessions. And try to keep a few good friendships going, which are going very well. But I haven't been in a relationship for 6 years and now I feel like I am ready (a healthy one this time I promise), only the women around me I feel like they are not (ghosting, are most interested in themselves, looking for checking their grocerylist, communicate intensely vague). I've had quite some experience with women and don't struggle to get dates, but I really find it hard to find real connection/understanding. I got on a new datingapp where you go on date when you match without chatting, sounds great not? Only with the first 3 matches they postponed the date already 6 times, two doubles, mostly same day/few hours before. And with horrible reason and effort after really. I also find the girls I have approached in real life and dated seem occupied, and some of those things i just listed. Generally very cold women here in Holland, is my experience (but there are always exceptions on ones' rules ofcourse);
''Has this world changed its' moral value, or is it I?''
.. So I wonder; do I need to change myself, or my environment? Do I maybe have a lack of connection what makes me feel like I lack connection, or am I still missing something internally? Or both? And do I need to be more patient while feeling a little righteous lack-of?
If you want to ask, share or give your worldview of anything please do so! I am here to learn, not to know it better.
Huge propz to dr K, thanks for the ton of knowledge I already learned from you for free and thanks for this reddit page!
thanks for reading!
​
side question: It could be obvious but is my history a normal one? or is it a bit different from the usual? I wouldn't know really, I like to see myself as normal
​
TL;DR: Life is going great, Life wás hell & felt like sharing, question; is there a chance for real love?
​
​

Hi all (and who knows/I hope dr K),
Prepare to read!! But if you don't want to, get the TLDR at the bottom; I am very uncommon with Reddit so forgive me any mistakes!
I've been strugglin' along in life for a while now (am 26 years old) and even though I've been doubling down on dr K's videos last 6 months or so, it's been 10 years I've been working very hard on myself (sometimes really really obsessively). As following is how great my life is going;
I just got hired for a new job (System Engineer in IT), got a good base (got a small but nice apartment with garden, money, stuff, a cute cat) and I am very healthy and strong (I put alot of time in my health) and maybe I got some on the lucky side with appearance thanks to my parents (no model but u know, just fine). + I've joined group therapy on 18 yrs old for one and a half year, been in cognitive therapy since my 21st and still going sometimes and have been reading about philosophy, psychology for years and thought alot about a mentality of 'overcoming' and practicing this alot too in for example Boxing. As more medicine for the mind I sometimes make poems, play guitar and sing or make raps (been a while tbh), meditate, work out more, have a healthy routine and habits, try to do enough new things and take risks (as in Love and also career or vacations alone etc).. I feel like I understand myself and my world alot better than before and that I could do something really cool with these insights.
To understand my question but honestly also because I am weirdly eager to share my story, here's a small part of my history; My parents got divorced at age 5 or 6 because my mother joined a sect (like Amish but modernized) and the church said she had to, against my fathers' wishes. It was a horrible divorce, where suddenly my dad was gone, they regularly got in screaming fights with my mom wishing him dead etc, slamming doors (my dad broke into the house at least once) arguing over the relationship and us, while we didn't really understood why and cried ofcourse. Later on when things sort of settled down I saw my dad weekend on weekend off and until shortly I told myself everything was fine from that time on; it would be too much to tell, but I am now sure (beside every period also has some good things ofc) I have been emotionally neglected, traumatically manipulated by my mom (examples: literally years later when I felt sad my dad was gone while looking at old pictures where she cut him out, she said things like it was the demon in my room making me feel that way and she literally commanded/screamed it back to hell, I was frightened to death and my little sister cried once; my mother also observed and controlled us sometimes obsessively checking our stuff in search of where the devil could hide & would throw it away, and manipulate choices, what is not allowed to do or even think.. everything) and I lived an extremely sad, depressing, insecure and self-blaming youth. If I'd understood what really was going on with my mom and my family, I probably would have killed myself. Lucky me I guess she forced me to become a bit better at lying, and so too to myself. Hahah you thought that was all didn't yah? Hell no, here comes part two; at 15 yrs old I got kicked out of (that side of) the family which meant losing my mother, my siblings I grew up with, my best friend cousin and a whole network of friends because I had to move to my father in another city too far away. I had to walk away from home (my mom) because I felt very unsafe apparently, I wasn't welcome anymore after that. She also didn't respond to my texts, or said I could come and then cancel, and send not even a message from the first birthday since on. Later on I tried again but she keeps putting expectations on me and plays with my love for her. haven't seen her for 6 years now I think. But I also left the one good thing; my mothers' beliefs. I am grateful for my father to take me in, but I think now he was too traumatized by the happenings' in his life that he wasn't able to really connect with me when I moved in, we never discussed emotional parts or had a good talk the first year or more. Maybe we had later on but still, he always felt distant from me, as today I am afraid. Like he is half a ghost; He lives, but always seems unaware of half of what happens.. doing his routine over and over. You can talk but he forgets. Never said he loved me or anything, just he living his life and I mine besides his. I know he loves me, but sad it is.
So you can see I've been through some shit and still leaving out alot because it would be too long to read. I want to get to the point myself as like;
I am feeling okay lately and really are keeping my balance, feeling overall good and livin' prosperous as I actually always do. The only thing I really long still is having a connection with people. I don't know if it's me, them, or both.. I moved alot so it was hard to remain friendships, but I also think I find it hard to make friends because I feel like a strange ducky; I fear my past has changed me so much that I understand depth that my peers do not. It could be arrogance, but it must at least have some truth in it. It takes alot of energy to be around new people and since a year I have become alot more solitary, because I don't want to drink really, use drugs or stay up at night. I live a peaceful life reading, working out, pursue a nice career and sum good meditation (and tea) sessions. And try to keep a few good friendships going, which are going very well. But I haven't been in a relationship for 6 years and now I feel like I am ready (a healthy one this time I promise), only the women around me I feel like they are not (ghosting, are most interested in themselves, looking for checking their grocerylist, communicate intensely vague). I've had quite some experience with women and don't struggle to get dates, but I really find it hard to find real connection/understanding. I got on a new datingapp where you go on date when you match without chatting, sounds great not? Only with the first 3 matches they postponed the date already 6 times, two doubles, mostly same day/few hours before. And with horrible reason and effort after really. I also find the girls I have approached in real life and dated seem occupied, and some of those things i just listed. Generally very cold women here in Holland, is my experience (but there are always exceptions on ones' rules ofcourse);
''Has this world changed its' moral value, or is it I?''
.. So I wonder; do I need to change myself, or my environment? Do I maybe have a lack of connection what makes me feel like I lack connection, or am I still missing something internally? Or both? And do I need to be more patient while feeling a little righteous lack-of?
If you want to ask, share or give your worldview of anything please do so! I am here to learn, not to know it better.
Huge propz to dr K, thanks for the ton of knowledge I already learned from you for free and thanks for this reddit page!
thanks for reading!
​
side question: It could be obvious but is my history a normal one? or is it a bit different from the usual? I wouldn't know really, I like to see myself as normal
​
TL;DR: Life is going great, Life wás hell & felt like sharing, question; is there a chance for real love?
​
​

On the morning of Mother’s Day this year I received exactly one gift: a dead rat, deposited at my doorstep by my cat, James. James is black and white, slick and elegant, his fur like a tuxedo. If a cat was cast to replace Daniel Craig in the next Bond film, James would be perfect. In fact, the resemblance is how he got his name in the first place.
“Thank you, James,” I said, bending to stroke his fur as we both examined the little rotting carcass on the welcome mat. He looked up at me hopefully as if expecting me to take a nibble of his offering. “I’ll get to that later,” I promised.
The rest of the family had forgotten the holiday. Not that I blamed them. My husband Saito was busy at work, pulling 70-hour shifts as he prepared a series of PowerPoints to explain his company’s corporate structure to a potential buyer. In the meantime, the twins June and Lily were busy with spring soccer and last-minute prep for their upcoming AP tests.
I spent some time idly making myself coffee while the family slept. Then, around 9:00 they all flew past in flurry, the twins off to a soccer game and Saito headed to the office.
It wasn’t until they’d all left, that a lump began to form in my throat, and I headed to the backyard to have a little cry. I felt silly. It was a made up holiday, after all. Not like Christmas or a birthday (though Saito forgot my birthday too this year.)
For a few minutes, I sat on one of the patio chairs, sniffling pathetically, hoping no one returned early to see me like this.
I was about to go back in when I saw James. He was over in the corner of the yard, lying in the shade. Right away, I could tell something was off about him. James always slept curled in a ball, his chin resting on his rear haunch. Today, he was stretched out, bent awkwardly. Even stranger, he seemed to shimmer in the few spots where the dappled sunlight caught his fur.
Slowly, I walked over, clicking my tongue in the way he liked. When he didn’t move, I softly called his name. Finally, I reached out to touch him, only to find his fur wet. Drawing my hand back, I found it red and bloody in the sunlight, which is when I started screaming.
I called Saito a few minutes later.
“I need you to come home,” I said. “James is dead.”
“Your friend James? From college?”
“Our cat!” I realized I was screaming into the phone. “Our only cat!”
I could practically hear him roll his eyes on the far and of the line.
“It’s not a good day for this,” he said. “I can come back a bit early, take care of the body. Just leave it alone for now.”
I spent many hours alone that day, sitting in the backyard. In time, flies found James and began to lick at him with their little straw-mouths, dipping their horrible little hands in his blood and rubbing them together. It was no use shooing them away.
I was sunburned raw by the time Saito came home. He looked at me, incredulous.
“What happened to you?”
“I was standing vigil,” I explained.
He rubbed at the bridge of his nose.
“Where’s the cat?” he asked, and I gestured to the backyard. Every inch of my skin throbbed from the sunburn, but it felt right, like my inside and outside pain matched in some harmonious way.
Saito grabbed a wastebasket and started walking toward the backyard.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“Taking care of… of James,” he said, trying to use a gentle tone, as if explaining to a child that it was time for bed.
“You’ll bury him,” I said. “At the foot of the maple. Three feet deep at least.”
He shook his head.
“That’s not even legal, hon. Besides, I was working all day. I’m exhausted.”
“Three feet deep,” I said, and then I went into the garage to find his shovel. The one I located was unused, though we must have bought it years ago. I brought it in and handed it to Saito. He took it without a word and went outside.
An hour later, he came in dirty and sweaty. He headed to the shower.
I walked to the maple to find the earth there freshly disturbed from digging. Then I found one of James’s favorite toys–a fuzzy bird that had once had a bell inside–and affixed it to a stick, which I placed at the head of the grave.
At dinner, the twins showed up still in their soccer uniforms. They’d spent the day at the park with friends after the game.
“Happy Mother’s Day,” said June, somewhat sheepishly. She handed me an envelope with a gift card to Jazzy Juice inside.
“Thanks,” I said. “What’s Jazzy Juice?”
“It’s a smoothie thing,” explained Lily. “It’s twenty dollars.”
“Thank you,” I said again, staring at the card. Maybe I was making a face.
“If you don’t want it, I can take it back,” said June. “My friends and I go there all the time.”
“No,” I said. “I love it. I’m sure I’ll love it.”
“Great,” she said, looking disappointed.
The next morning I went out into the backyard and screamed.
James’s grave had been dug up. It was nothing put an empty hole surrounded by a pile of dirt. The stick and the toy were missing too. It didn’t seem that deep. By the time Saito ran out to see what was wrong, I was in tears.
“Three feet deep!” I shouted. “I said three feet deep.”
“The soil gets really rocky when you go down that far,” he said. “I figured it didn’t matter.”
“It mattered!” I screamed.
I decided to take some ‘me’ time that afternoon, so I headed to Jazzy Juice. I tried to figure out the menu while I was in line, but I got overwhelmed by all the options. Finally, when I got to the front of the line, I asked if I could just get a basic orange juice.
“It would be more like an orange smoothie,” said the girl behind the counter, a thin redhead in her twenties, covered in tattoos.
“Oh that’s no good,” I said. “I don’t really like pulp. No pulp please.”
“That’s not really what we do here,” she said. “Maybe it’s a good day to try something new. The Berry Blitz is super popular.”
“I want my orange juice,” I said. I was probably a little rude, but I was at my limit. “I’ve got a gift card,” I added. “For twenty dollars.”
“Fine,” she said. And then, I swear, under her breath she added, “Boomer bitch.”
“Excuse me?”
She didn’t meet my eyes. Instead, she turned and started throwing frozen oranges into a blender.
“I’m forty-four!” I shouted over the noise as she started the blender. “I’m a Millennial! Maybe Gen-X!”
Finally, she handed me my drink. It was so pulpy it clogged the straw.
She shot me a shit-eating smile, “have a nice day!”
I chucked my drink in the garbage on my way out the door.
That night, I found myself crying as I tried to make dinner. I could see the little hole that had once contained James’s body through the kitchen window, and I couldn’t help glancing at it as I tried to peel zucchini.
It struck me that James had been the only one in the world who loved me at all. Even worse, it seemed unlikely that no one would ever love me again. I was aging, chubby, and boring. The world didn’t want me anymore.
Without realizing it, I made a deep cut on my thumb and started bleeding everywhere. For a minute, I just watch the blood ooze out of me, all over the vegetables.
That night, I heard a thump. I tried to shake Saito awake, but he was dead asleep. Finally, I got up and walked downstairs. There was another thump now, louder. Then a series of three more thuds right by the front door.
Slowly, I grabbed a knife from the kitchen and then walked through the darkness. As I did, I heard a familiar sound that seemed impossible: it was James’s distinctive meow, the little cry he’d deliver at the door when he wanted my attention. And yet it was somehow different now, a lower, deeper mewing.
“Hello?” I asked as I walked to the door, but there was no sound now. I heard footsteps outside, not a cat’s but something bigger, maybe human.
Finally, I reached the door and slowly turned the knob. I opened it just a crack, peeking through to see if anyone was outside.
At first, I saw no one. Just the empty street in the moonlight. A few night blooming flowers had opened their petals, but otherwise the neighborhood looked dull and lifeless. Then I looked down and had to stifle a scream.
There, on my doorstep, lay a body, its chest still fluttering with life but mostly torn to shreds. Great, bloody gashes had left the green apron in tatters, the skin’s intricate tattoos sundered to islands of nonsense. The girl’s red hair was now redder.
Though her skull was crushed, her pretty face nearly ripped off the bone, I knew immediately it was the girl from the juice shop.
My body tensed as I watched her chest cease its fluttering and the flow of blood slowed to a trickle. Soon, she was still as the rest of the street.
Then, suddenly, my heart was pounding again, as I realized I was not alone in the darkness. Something dark and massive was moving past the nearby bushes, watching me examine its kill.
Though it moved somewhat like a cat, the thing was far bigger, larger than any tiger I’d ever seen at the zoo. As it grew closer, I saw that it was standing on its hind legs, walking toward me, not quite like a person, but like an animal trying to mimic one.
I could barely breathe now. It was growing closer. Though it moved slowly, I could sense that it could cover the ten feet between us in a moment, far faster than I could slam the door.
“Please,” I said… “Don’t…”
As the creature walked into a slant of moonlight, I realized that it was dressed in a tuxedo. Or were those just the colors of its fur?
“My queen, I would never,” the creature purred, in a low voice. “I live only to serve you.”
I looked down at the dead girl by my feet. I would have to call the police, I knew. I would have to scream for Saito to come and help. There would be so much to explain. But I wasn’t afraid now. That moment had passed. I was here with a friend.
“James?” I asked, and he nodded ever so slightly. “You can’t do this,” I said. “I didn’t want this.”
“But she was so cruel to you,” said James. “She called you a very nasty name. I was hiding a few blocks away, but I heard everything. My ears are very sensitive.”
“But you can’t just kill people,” I said, trying to stuff my growing panic into my stomach. “It’s not… it’s not right.”
“Of course I can,” said James. “In fact, I must. It’s my nature.”
“Never again,” I whispered.
James cocked his head, looking me in the eyes. What was he looking for?
“I could stop if you order it,” he said. “Though that would be unfortunate. You know I love to honor you with gifts. I always have. But go ahead. Make the command and I will disappear, never to leave you another present again.”
I looked down at the dead girl, all torn to shreds. There was a certain beauty in it, like a stained glass window, sublime in its brokenness.
“Just say the word,” James said again.
But I didn’t.
“Thank you,” I finally said, bending to look closer at the dead girl. “For the gift.”
“It was but a trifle, my queen,” said the thing. “Until next time.”
And then, bowing slightly, he backed away and bounded into the darkness.

Note: I don’t play, just want to support my husbands obsession
I am planning on getting my husband a custom engraved grinder for his 30th birthday. Any ideas on fun things to engrave? I previously got him a neon sign of a fire cape. I was considering putting Jad if I could get a good outline, but looking for other ideas from people that actually know the game. Thanks!

Hi all, unfortunately House of Leaves was not what I hoped but I'd love to hear someone else's thoughts on my thoughts. Here is my full review:
"House of Leaves” offers some admittedly creepy imagery, but not enough to justify all 700+ pages. To be honest, I could not wait to finish this book and was constantly checking my progress to the next chapter.
First of all, it is IMPERATIVE to understand (especially for first time readers, as I was) that "House of Leaves" is partly a spoof/parody of academic writing. Knowing that gave me license to skim through the particularly dense sections, like the dry analyses on dreams, film techniques, architecture, smiles (not kidding), etc. These sections comprise about 30% of the book, so I absolutely would have stopped reading if I hadn't known this ahead of time. And I write academic and technical material for a living!
On a related note, ignore the literary gatekeepers who insist that you have to read every endnote, including the gibberish, to "fully appreciate" this book. If you're like me, the only thing you will fully appreciate is what it means to be held hostage by boring text. There are much better uses of your time than analyzing a Latin quote about snails or a French poem about pelicans or some other nonsense you'll forget 3 pages later. My method was to skim for relevant keywords so I could return to those passages as needed, which happened very rarely.
HERE BE SPOILER-RELATED BEEFS

1. The “climax.” To me, the most unsettling point in the entire story was the full-team exploration near the halfway mark. This was a more effective climax than Navidson's solo expedition in the end because at that point I no longer cared about Navidson. Why? He proved himself to be reckless, self-absorbed thrill seeker at the expense of all those he claimed to love. I felt that he deserved whatever came his way by re-entering the house after seeing what he'd seen. Even if the idea is that the house somehow lured Navidson back/that he had no control over his actions, this isn't supported well enough. (The strongest evidence for this theory is a cryptic letter Navidson wrote while he was drunk.) As a result, his final expedition (and the intended climax of the story) just felt like a middle finger to his brother, who sacrified his life to get Navidson's daughter OUT of the house. It would be one thing if Navidson's solo expedition was some kind of rescue attempt to get his brother back, but it wasn't. He just wanted more footage because he's a MaD GeNiUs FiLmOgRaPhEr!
2. Since the house slowly consumes whatever's in it, I genuinely don't understand the characters' continued decision to rely on light sticks and items to mark their way. They know this, they've seen it with their own eyes, but they keep relying on disappearing markers for reasons unknown.
3. In the end (as far as the Navidson Record is concerned), the house dissolves and gives Karen her husband back because...true love, I guess. This immediately changed my view of the house from an insidious eldritch horror to the confused but well-meaning Pat from Disney's "Smart House."
4. The color coding scheme (e.g., "house" is always in blue) adds absolutely nothing to the story as far as I can see. And if I missed the whole point of the color coding because I skimmed past an upside down footnote written in Latin back on page 500, so be it.
5. The story never effectively breaks the 4th wall like I was hoping it would.
6. There were some genuinely creepy moments in the Johnny Truant sections (e.g., Johnny encountering another version of the manuscript with his name it), but these weren't enough to carry the rest of his godforsaken drivel. Here's all you need to know about the Johnny Truant chapters, really: Reading the manuscript slowly makes him delusional (and apparently sex-obsessed), he has abusive mommy and step-daddy issues, and his best friend is a Tyler Durden wannabe. That’s pretty much it. Then, after hundreds of pages of nonsensical journal entries, there's no resolution for him. At one point it’s insinuated that he’s destined to commit suicide, but he apparently lives long enough to help the publishers with one of the appendices, so who knows.
7. What would have been really creepy revelations turn out to be dead ends. For example, the insinuation that Zampano is actually Tom (via the same-sentence shift of "him" to "me" around page 320) is never brought up again and is later shown to be impossible because Tom dies. Another one is the weird shared characteristics between Johnny’s mom and Karen (the pink ribbon in their hair, their overly rehearsed smiles, etc). Another disappointing “OH GOD, MIND BLOWN…wait, no, that can’t be” moment. Just more confusion for the sake of confusion, I guess.
8. The only thing you need to know from the Exhibits (one of the many over-long appendices) is that the house somehow rematerializes after Navidson's final solo exhibition. I guess this is supposed to be ominous, but I still don’t see how. As long as you have the power of true love, the house will let you live, I guess.
9. All of the creepy images included in the appendices would have been much better served in-text, where they’re actually relevant, as opposed to crammed in the back after a bunch of untranslated poems about pelicans that effectively hit the brakes on any lingering sense of horror.
10. Mark Z. Danielewski added that entire appendix of poetry about pelicans just to let people he’s met have their poems published. They're about pelicans because they were written with a Pelican brand pen. This tells you everything you need to know about the value of all his cryptic “subtext.”

After the fiasco where the party my parents agreed with my husband to organize for my 40th birthday failed to materialize and upset my husband, the situation just got more annoying.
My mother seemed genuinely upset and insisted she would now absolutely organize it anyway - after she harassed us both until I picked up the phone to tell her to drop the subject, I eventually agreed to let her, and after even more monologuing from her about it, it will be... A month after my birthday.
She also accidentally admitted that one of the reasons they 'got confused' about organizing my birthday party is that my cousin, who just turned 40 as well, was having a huge party thrown for him by family last week - 80-odd guests in a rented room at a local beach. His wife collected money from everyone so we could all offer him a trip. They avoided the whole subject because throwing me a party as well exposed them to competing with this 'mini wedding'. But I can cynically see that hosting my birthday a month late on the weekend of fathers day distances them from looking cheap by comparison, something they care much about.
At my cousin's party, my dad started to discuss with everyone that he is taking my 38yo sister on a trip to Japan soon, probably August or September. They seemed to be only working out the details of booking. Neither of them seemed to notice this was putting them at risk of missing both my son's birthday and the birth of the second grandchild, and I didn't bother to bring it up. I just waited until someone else did and watched him stutter.
I mildly told my sister I'd have some things I'd like them to bring back for me if they could, and asked if they would try to see a cousin of ours I used to be close to, and mentioned my interest in takarazuka theater - and my sister suddenly seemed to realize it might be a little odd to the entire company that I am never invited on these free trips, and this one right after a milestone birthday when I am quite pregnant, when I have reasons they know about to be interested in going to Japan. She insisted it might be Morocco instead anyway.
Folks, I really don't want to go on a solo trip with my dad. He's impossible. I am not at all upset that they are going to Japan together. There is nothing going on here I wish I was in on, either paying my own way or not. If I did complain, my dad could point out that he spent money on my wedding 10 years ago that he hasn't spent on my sister, and that would be a perfectly fair point, and I'm agreeable to it. It's still quite obvious that they have started sending little messages again after years of mostly behaving themselves, and I am bored to death of it. I'm bored of constantly analyzing my own emotional reactions and understanding of social norms just to make sure I am always the most reasonable person. So I'm preparing to go even more LC, possibly NC, after the party next month. I am just thinking up answers for my son when he asks me why we are not visiting my parents anymore, really.

I (25F) have kept my relationship with my mom's (51F) ex fiance that she was with for 5 years. Some back story, they were together for 2 years then split up for a year then got back together and stayed together for 3 years, during which time they got engaged. They split up in the summer and I have continued to talk to him and see him periodically. They split up because she felt he was controlling and he started to look at her location when he wasn't with her which I never noticed. Since they split, he could no longer afford the house they had, so he had to sell but at a bad time in the market, so my mom lost some money she put into the house. The ex fiance was around when I first met my now husband, for my wedding, for my graduation from university, when I got my first real car, when I got pregnant the first time and when I miscarried that pregnancy. I am now pregnant again and ex fiance is aware and happy for us and wants to be involved in baby's life. This last weekend it was my dads birthday and ex fiance was invited to the dinner. My mom found out and let me know how it made her uncomfortable, which I was aware of, but I said that I understood, but it is hard to cut contact with someone that has been in my life for 5 years, to which she asked if he is going to be around baby when it comes. I just stated that we hadn't talked about who will and won't be in baby's life yet, which she never replied to. So, AITAH for keeping in contact with my moms ex fiance?
Other information on her patterns. Her and my dad split up when I was 4. She has dated a few people since then. The first one was mentally and physically abusive (they were together for 8 years). I never kept in touch with him because of him abusing his son and my mom. The second was creepy for lack of better word, he went through my dresser drawers when I wasn't home and such, they were together for 2 years. Didn't keep in touch with him because he creeped me out. The third, which she dated for about a year, was controlling and didn't work so he just stayed home all the time and didn't clean or cook while she was out working and did the cleaning and cooking when she came home. Didn't bother keeping in touch with him because he was rude and controlling. The fourth, which she dated during the year ex fiance and her split, was nice but wasn't around a lot since I had moved out, so I never had a relationship with him.

When I (22f) married my husband (26m) I was aware that he was left financially damaged because of his previous marriage. From his previous marriage he also has a 3yo child which he also struggles to provide for.
Now that we’re married and live together, I feel like im financially supporting everybody even though my husband makes more income than me. With his income he pays our rent, child support, and his debt but he’s left with enough money to pay for his gas. With my income I pay for food, bills, utilities, and for his daughters needs. Who bought all the furniture in our apartment? me. Who makes sure our fridge is always stocked? me. Who does the chores around the house? me. Who makes sure his daughter has new clothes and toys? me. He doesn’t pay a dime on me and when he does it is only because of a holiday (valentine’s, christmas, birthday). I feel like i’m stuck trying to help him build himself up but i’m not even getting appreciated.
I’ve been with him for two years and I don’t know when he’s going to be financially stable or how much more I can endure. I’ve brought up the issues with him but he always tells me that hard times will pass. It’s not my fault he got in debt and now I have to face the consequences of his mistakes.
I started considering divorce a month ago. We don’t have any children together or own anything together. If I were to leave I know I could afford having my own place because i’ve done it before. I just worry that he won’t be able to do it all my himself which is why I haven’t gone through with it.
This is my first post ever, I apologize if i’m all over the place.

I can’t believe my mom has gone and done this. The woman that gave birth to her firstborn at 37+3 has gone and scheduled my baby shower for 37+6 days. And that’s the rescheduled date. The original date she booked a place for was on my husband’s birthday and I had to explain I would not make myself or his family choose between celebrating him or celebrating baby. And I’m not making him cancel his birthday plans to go to a baby shower.
The woman who calls me regularly to complain that her coworker is being unrealistic about a new mom being able to attend a baby shower for her while her premature, at risk babies are sitting in the NICU, is expecting me to put off buying baby stuff and preparing for baby until I’m 38+ weeks pregnant… in the middle of a hot and humid July.
And I have no say over any of it. I’m completely in the dark as she believes that me wanting any say in the baby shower being thrown for me is rude and unappreciative. Now she’s asking me to detail out relationships of my husband’s family that’s invited because she booked a place without knowing the final guest count and doesn’t think there will be enough room.
I do not need this stress right now. I’m at the point where I won’t even show up.

Struggling with gifts for 23 year old boyfriend-I need help!! Struggling with gifts for 23 year old boyfriend-I need help!!
Hello!! I generally love/am good at gift-giving, but this year I'm really struggling.
I'm truly stumped as to what to get my boyfriend as a birthday and anniversary gift.
For context: my boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 5 years, he is turning 23 and still lives at his parents house (as he is planing to build his own). We share very similar interests, and because of that, we usually agree to get whatever piques our interest at that moment jointly (i.e., a Switch, a boardgame, a video game, etc.). Though it's nice quality-of-life-wise, it makes it so hard to pick a special gift for him because for the most part, he/we already has/have it!
Onto what he's actually into: - he works in a lab and likes sciences in general (especially chemistry and biology) - he likes gaming (on his switch e.g Pokemon, The Binding of Isaac but he doesnt really need anything for that) - he really enjoys board games (e.g Doomlings -but we mostly buy them together) - he likes museums - he likes lego (but he already gifted me some this year ) - he likes to read ( last year I got him lots of books to read already) - he likes riddles, crosswords etc. - he likes cooking ( but he doesn‘t own his own kitchen - so kitchen related things wouldn‘t make sense) - he doesn‘t like clutter (as he only has one room for his stuff and therefore there is not mich space for things) - he likes massages (but he regularly gets them from me) - he likes practical things - he likes nature - he likes to write poems - he is totally into vintage stuff - he's a creature of habit and basically like an old man haha
Onto what he dislikes: - car related things - clothing items or jewellery - puzzles - sports - PC related things - he already has new headphones, phone, phonecase etc - no concert tickets
I am so sorry for the wall of text, I am just truly stumped. I love this man to the ends of the earth and want him to feel special. Right now, my gifts just seem/feel so impersonal. Is there anything that y'all can recommend that might be the fix? Or maybe, something you've received in the past that just rocked your world opening up? Any and all advice is greatly, greatly appreciated!!!

Please do not post or share this elsewhere.
Someone of you have seen my previous posts. We are no contact with MIL currently. She has been obsessing over my husband’s 30th birthday. She realized that she won’t be seeing him for it and mailed his gifts.
We have told her a million times to stop mailing gifts and they won’t be accepted. My husband opens the package and says to me, “apparently you have a birthday gift too”. I’m confused because my birthday is in January, so it’s either 6 months too early or late.
I open the bag and it’s two witch statues. Not cute witches either, down right creepy and we’re clearly from a garage sale or thrift store. Not in good shape at all. My husband was pissed and immediately went outside and threw them away.
My husband then called his grandma because she kept begging him to open it and said he would like his gift. He calls her up and they’re talking and he asks her if she knows what the gift was. She responded with saying what his gift was and “she picked out two witches for your wife because she knows she loves Halloween”
My husband then explained that the witches were not cute and were horrifying looking. He also said to her “it feel like she’s calling her a witch”. His grandma’s tone changed and she said, “I didn’t even think of that”
So now I’m left wondering. Was she calling me a witch? Why send a birthday gift 6 months late? Why send Halloween decor in May? Why send a witch over other Halloween things like pumpkins or ghosts?
Am I being over dramatic?
EDIT: I forgot this part. His stepdad texted him and asked if he would open the gift on FaceTime with her. We’re no contact so obviously we said no, but could you imagine 💀
EDIT 2: regarding the gift giving, it’s been a long battle. First, we just ignored any gifts that were sent. Then we’ve tried mailing it back or dropping it back at their porch. Lately, it’s gone to straight trash.
It was going to go to the trash, but GIL really wanted him to open it. GIL is not a flying monkey. She’s extremely kind and in her 80s. She’s really sad that her family is broken, but also go through periods of no contact with MIL. Normally GIL and husband don’t discuss MIL at all because she understands. GIL recently lost her husband, so she’s going through a hard period and feels she doesn’t have much time left. So we’ve had more grace about it than we normally would have.