I sat down with my morning coffee and opened my email. It was bursting at the seams as usual.
I clicked on the first link and started skimming through its contents.
I grew up in a haunted house… normally used to this stuff… this was the first time I was ever scared.
Interesting.
There was a video file attached. I clicked on it.
It was a video from a doorbell camera. The video feed looked out onto a beautiful wrap-around porch complete with flower boxes and an American flag blowing in the evening breeze. A few bugs flittered by, but I couldn’t see why I had been sent the video. Then I saw it.
Just barely visible in the darkness, peeking from behind the flower boxes was a face. It didn’t move, you’d think it might be a statue by how still it was, and although about 75% of the face was obscured by the flower box, I could tell it wasn’t human. The skin looked rough, like papier-mâché and the proportions were off. It was a bit uncanny.
The wind blew the flowers in the flower box revealing slightly more of the face. One of the face’s large, unblinking eyes was exposed. Like I said, the proportions were off. It was too big, with no lashes or brow, just a giant white circle with a smaller black circle in the middle. It looked almost cartoony. It started directly into the camera. I started to think someone had just placed a creepy mask in front of the camera until I saw it blink.
A shiver ran up my spine and I had to turn around to check my own surroundings. I have to do that sometimes when I get scared. Just a habit from childhood.
When I turned back to the video screen the face was gone. The video clip ended a few seconds later.
Nope, hell nah. I am not getting involved with whatever that was.
I send a message back:
Heyyyy,
Yuck! Pretty weird, but I can’t help with that, sorry! Maybe try the police?
I opened the next email.
We have something in our house. I can’t sleep. I’m worried for the safety of my daughter.
Blah blah blah.
Another video file was attached.
The video was from a mother’s cell phone as she crept silently through a house. She arrived outside of a bedroom door decorated with unicorns and a sign that read, “Sarah’s room,” in bold letters under which another sign spelled NO BOYS ALLOWED.
I could hear something from the other side of the door. It’s quiet at first, but as the camera draws nearer I could make out the muffled sounds of children whispering to each other and the sounds of toys being dragged across a hardwood floor.
A hand comes into frame as the mother slowly pushes the bedroom door open revealing the messy room of a little girl. Toys are strewn everywhere, Barbies, Hot Wheels and ponies.
The girl who I presume to be Sarah is asleep in her bed.
The mother says quietly to no one in particular, “Don’t disturb my daughter. She needs to sleep.” There are a few seconds of silence. The mother lets out a sigh of relief feeling she’s won this battle. She takes a step towards her daughter, presumably to check on her or kiss her on the forehead, when a low growl fills the room.
“No,” the woman says quietly, but firmly, into the room like a mother would to a misbehaving child. There’s another few seconds of silence, then, like a lightning bolt, a long black arm lashes out from under the child’s bed, grabs a toy from the floor of the room and pulls it back into the shadows.
The mother screams in terror, the daughter wakes up screaming.
The video ends.
Nope. Don’t feel like messing with that one either. I still look under my bed all the time.
I shoot an email back.
Pretty Spooky!
This isn’t my area of expertise, looks like you might need a priest or a rabbi or shaman or those ‘spiritual’ girls you see at music festivals, but not me!
Hope this helps :P
On to the next email.
Ever since my roommate passed away, things have been going missing in my house. I think he might be haunting me. Is this a situation you could help with?
Bingo! Easy Money.
During the pandemic I started a side-gig as an online psychic to earn a little bit of pocket money. It started with Tarot cards and palm readings and has since evolved into…something else. Once COVID restrictions eased I started doing house calls. It’s a fun gig. I make good money and meet some VERY interesting people.
Only thing is I didn’t believe in any of this shit. I would make it all up.
I started off in my Zoom call days by reading a script I wrote with a couple friends after a few beers, I’ve got it memorized now. Actually, I’ve memorized several different scripts now. Sprinkle in a little improv here and there, and I’m as good as the real thing. Honestly, I think I’m just a good salesman. Confidence takes you a long way in this racket.
Sometimes I feel bad and think, “Maybe I should just start selling cars or something,” but I can’t give this up, it’s just too much fun. And it's so easy.
The thing is, when people lose a loved one, they start going a little bit crazy. They don’t sleep, they forget to eat, they are constantly stressed out dealing with funeral arrangements, grieving loved ones and restructuring their support systems. They get a little bit harebrained and eventually they misplace something. They forget they leave the TV on downstairs and hear voices when they are lying in bed. Sometimes they are so stressed and sleep deprived they straight-up hallucinate.
That’s where I come in. A knight in shining armor.
I tell them it will all be okay; I pass a message to them from their deceased loved one saying how proud they are of the person they have become. I prescribe some hot tea and a good night of sleep and bam – haunting nipped in the bud. The client gets a clear head and fresh start on the rest of their life and I get a pocket full of cash. The placebo effect is the real deal.
I knocked on the door of the tiny shotgun house 2 days later around noon. The door opened and a small Mexican man stood in the doorway wearing jeans and a black T-shirt with Tweety Bird and the Taz the Tasmanian Devil on it. He looked tired.
“Hi! Are you Pedro?” I asked the man.
“Yeah, are you…” He pulled out one of my business cards from his pocket, “Mystical Mike?”
Don’t laugh at the name. Magic Mike was already trademarked and alliteration is a winning business strategy.
“Yup that’s me”
I followed Pedro into the house and found myself standing in the living room. A basic set up with a TV, coffee table, couch and a loveseat. The other side of the room was occupied by a small and dirty kitchen. A small kitchen table bifurcated the two spaces. A short hallway connected the living areas to two bedrooms and a bathroom.
We sat at the kitchen table and Pedro gave me the rundown about what had been happening. His roommate passed away about 2 weeks ago under suspicious circumstances. He was a happy, healthy 28-year-old with a clean bill of health and no drugs in his system. Pedro found him dead in the bathtub. Heart attack was the official cause of death.
Since his passing, Pedro claimed things have been getting moved or going missing. He says he hears his roommate’s bedroom door open and close on its own some nights.
You know, typical ghost shit. This was going to be another easy client.
Now Pedro was Mexican, and Mexican means Catholic. Catholics grow up in a ritual rich environment - Reconciliations, confirmations, the transubstantiation of the communion. If your client is Catholic you can’t just walk around the house burning sage or an incense stick. You need a ritual. You need props.
I carry a bag of props with me to each jobsite. Every type of client needs a different type of prop. Among a few other knickknacks, it’s got a handful of Crystals for the ‘spiritual’ girls, incense and sage for the indigenous, a Bible, Torah and a Quran for the religious, an EMF reader for the skeptics or the scientifically inclined, a couple granola bars if I get hungry, and for the Catholics i have a few crosses and rosaries. I also have a Ouija board. Some clients go crazy for the Ouija.
I pulled out the Ouija board and Pedro’s eyes went wide. I immediately knew this was the right tool for the job.
“Are you sure about that,” he asked, pointing at the Ouija board, “I heard bad things happen after people use those things.”
“Don’t worry Pedro, you’re in the hands of a capable professional,” I lied, “I know exactly what I’m doing,”
I set up the board between us, lit some candles and burned the end of a stick of incense. Ready to blow Pedro’s mind.
Before starting I had one last question for Pedro, “What was your roommate's name?”
“Archibald”
“Oh god, seriously?” I couldn’t help it.
“Yeah, he went by Arch, so it really wasn’t too bad”
“Ok, yeah that makes sense. Let’s start this thing.”
I placed my fingers lightly on the planchette in front of us and coaxed Pedro to do the same as I started the ceremony. I started by reciting a few Latin phrases I had memorized after taking it as a foreign language in high school. It was mostly nonsense. It started off with the opening line from one of Cicero’s famous speeches that I was forced to recite for an oral exam, followed by a series of pauses and random words.
Quamdiu mihi consuli designato, Catilina, insidiatus es, non publico me praesidio, sed privata diligentia defendi!
Pūmilio!
Mea Culpa!
Habeas corpus!
If I ever come across a client who actually knows Latin, I’d be screwed, so it’s a good thing almost no one does.
I switched back over to English.
“Archibald! I call you to witness!”
I started moving the planchette slowly around the board, not landing on anything in particular, just to give Pedro the sense something was happening.
“That’s not you, is it?” Pedro asked, a thin mustache of sweat forming on his upper lip. He shook his head in disbelief, for a guy with a darker complexion he was very pale.
Again, I called out to the ‘spirits’, “Is this this spirit of Arch?”
I began to move the planchette towards the ‘YES’ section of the Ouija board, about halfway there I encountered some resistance. The planchette froze. I couldn’t move it. It was as if it was glued to the board itself. Weird.
Improvising, I called out another question, “What do you want from Pedro?”
My fingers tingled and seemed to grow hot as I tried to move the planchette, still it remained frozen in place. Then, slowly, the wooden planchette drifted to H then E. I glanced up at Pedro to see if he was fucking with me. His face was as white as a sheet of paper and he was taking huge deep breaths like a dying fish as he looked down at the planchette, horrified. I get the sense he was faking.
The planchette continued sliding around the board. K then N over to O then W then S.
HE KNOWS.
Pedro looked up at me for the first time since the ritual began. He was trembling.
“Pedro, what's going on?” I asked him, “What do you know?”
Just then, Pedro and I both pulled our hands back in pain as the planchette erupted in flames. This is when I started to feel like I was the one being conned. I looked under the table for magnets or any type of machinery that could manipulate my planchette. I waved my hand over the flaming wooden disk in case somehow Pedro had managed to rig some sort of thin wire to it. All my searches came up empty.
A primal fear grew in my belly.
The planchette started sliding quickly back and forth across the Ouija board stopping at letters too quickly for us to even register which letter it briefly rested on.
“No mames!” Pedro shouted, “What’s it saying?”
“Uh, I don’t know,” I had no idea what to do in this situation? Ask it to slow down? That made sense, “Excuse me, Ghost? Can you slow it down? You’re going too fast for us to understand you”
The planchette came to an abrupt halt and the small flame extinguished itself just as quickly. A beat later, Pedro and I heard a Click from across the room. The television had turned itself on.
Click click click
Pedro and I watched in silence as the television flicked through several channels before landing on a random daytime soap opera. It was muted. We watched the characters act out a silent argument on the screen for a few seconds before the TV unmuted itself just in time for one of the characters to shout, “I SAID-”
Click click. The TV cycled through some more stations.
Liam Neeson appeared on the screen, “Give me back–”
Click click click click
The TV stopped on a wounded soldier in the jungle who screamed, “My Leg!” before the television muted him.
Pedro gasped and clasped a hand to his mouth.
Click click click.
The TV stopped again, this time on a man in a beanie in a meth lab. It unmuted itself, “BITCH!”
Pedro got up from the table and walked into his room. I could hear him opening his closet and rummaging around.
Click click click.
I sat there in silence while the television started playing the Final Jeopardy music.
The whole experience was just too bizarre. I could feel everything I had known about the world melt and re-arrange itself in my head. What did any of this mean? What powers have I been tempting and tampering with the past few years, and worst of all – were all those emails I get everyday actually legitimate? I felt like someone had just poured ice water down my back.
I had figured they were just people pranking me. People who figured I was conning people and wanted to poke a little bit of fun.
I quickly packed the Ouija board and was about to leave the house, when –
Click click click click
Kendrick Lamar popped up on the screen, “Sit down. Be Humble.”
I sat my ass back down at the kitchen table. A few moments later Pedro walked back into the room carrying a disgusting looking prosthetic leg. He dropped it onto the table with a loud thud.
Click click click click click
“BURN IT” the television shouted; I didn’t see what was on the screen.
Click click click.
Samwise Gamgee was on the screen now, shouting at Frodo, “Throw it in the fire!”
Pedro pulled a lighter out of his pocket and moved towards the leg.
“Wait,” I said to him, “I’m not sure that is a good idea”
Pedro looked confused, “If we give it what it wants, won’t it leave me alone?”
He was desperate, and I understood that. The past 10 minutes had completely shattered my entire worldview, even so, I had watched enough movies to understand that when dealing with an entity like this, you shouldn’t blindly bow to its will. Giving an evil entity something that it wants might only serve to make them more powerful allowing them to tighten their grasp on you.
“I’ll take it,” I said reflexively. It was the first solution that entered my mind. I didn’t want to take it, but that seemed like the path of least resistance to get the hell out of this house where I couldn’t think.
“Be my guest,” Pedro pushed the leg towards me and pocketed the lighter.
The television was screaming at me.
Click click
“Idiot”
Click
“Fool”
Click click click click
“…What I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you…”
I tossed the leg into my bag and headed towards the door.
“Wait,” Pedro called after me, “Don’t I need to pay you?”
I was so focused on getting out of this house I had completely forgotten. I turned to look at Pedro and saw behind him in the kitchen all of the gas burners on the stove were ignited and the cabinets all hung open. I couldn’t wait to get out of here.
“Just hit me on PayPal,” I said, turning again to leave.
“Wait,” Pedro called again, “Do you offer Apprenticeships?”
I stared at the man, dumbfounded. Apprenticeships? What am I, a welder?
“No” I answered
“Wait,” Pedro asked yet another time, “This was really cool and I’d like to be a part of it, what about internships?”
“Jesus Christ, man,” I was on the verge of breaking, I was physically repulsed by this house, my hand trembled on the doorknob, “Sure, you’re hired, just call me next week, you have my number.” Anything to make this guy stop asking me questions.
I pulled open the door and headed to my car. The last thing I heard from the tv before I closed it behind me was, “I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you”
That’s how I came into possession of the leg and my intern, Pedro, but things only got weirder from there.

This is the transactional writing template I made and used on my exam. I have also written what I wrote for the language analysis, comparison, and creative writing (descriptive essay), along with a concise look into the English language needed to get an A* which can be found on Amazon - What I wrote to get an A* on the English Language GCSE by Henry Norsworthy.
Transactional writing
Any kind of writing that aims to achieve a specific purpose or get something done, which can be:
To inform: sharing knowledge and facts, like a news article or instructional blog post.
To persuade: trying to convince the reader of a certain viewpoint, like an opinion piece or a sales letter.
To instruct: guiding the reader through a process, like a recipe or a how-to guide.
To request: formal letters requesting information or applications, or informal letters asking for favours.
My question was: write a speech about the importance of walking for mental well-being (or something similar to this)
Template
Letter - your address then date on right
Letter – recipient address (made up) then dear 'name/ body’ (if given in the question) or dear simadam (formal)/ to whom it may concern (less formal)
Speech – Hello and thank you for attending. My name is ‘…’ and I am speaking on behalf of ‘e.g. Cambridge University department of ‘relevant to question’ (if directed to peers say – I recognize many familiar faces here.)
Title e.g.
‘Subject from question’: we must act now! (direct address (directly addressing your audience) and imperative (an instruction or request commonly punctuated with an exclamation mark)) (for a letter the title and subtitles can be worded and written as the first sentence of a paragraph as letters don’t typically have titles and subtitles)
Strap line/ hook (who, what, when, where, why): e.g. ground-breaking new study from Cambridge University shows that ‘…’ has the effect of ‘…’ – if this is allowed to proceed then the future of ‘…’ will be on a collision course (alliteration) with a point of no return (idiom and hyperbole)
Subtitle: first point summary sentence e.g.
The issue of ‘point’.
First paragraph
· Firstly, ‘first point - use point given in the question’ …which will have profound, far-reaching, and encompassing effects (rule of three). We have found ourselves at a crossroads with a situation that is a ticking time-bomb/ idea blossomed; opening doors to new perspectives (metaphor)
· Anecdote - how you personally have experienced and been impacted by ‘point’ e.g. during my time working as a researcher in the ‘…’ department at Cambridge University, I have witnessed first-hand the effects of ‘…’ which has subsequently sparked great concern (builds credibility)
· Causes and consequences of first point in list form – it is proven ‘…’ is caused by; 1 - ‘first cause’ 2 - ‘second cause’ 3 - ‘third cause’, which imposes consequences of; 1 - ‘first consequence’ 2 - ‘second consequence’ 3 - ‘third consequence’.
· Call to action – as a member of this planet/ country/ society, I feel obliged to tackle this treacherous set of circumstances that stands (personification) before us – we must act now to ‘e.g. resolve the issue of ‘…’, we must act now to ‘e.g. relieve those affected by ‘…’, we must act now to ‘e.g. resurrect the future ‘…’ (anaphora, repetition, rule of three, alliteration)
Subtitle: second point summary sentence e.g.,
Darkest before dawn… (idiom, hyperbole, and ellipsis (the three dots used to create suspense or anticipation) or, it only gets worse… (hyperbole and ellipsis)
Second paragraph
· Secondly, ‘second point - use point given in question’ …we are truly in a delicate dance/ we are walking on thin-ice/ rollercoaster of emotions/ music to my ears (metaphor)
· Quote official person e.g. ‘name’ (who is largely considered to be one of the most reputable and highly regarded in the field) officially stated: ‘made up quote’
· Statistic from official body e.g. as well, my fellow colleagues at Cambridge have released shocking studies stating: ‘quote’ - how can we ignore these staggering statistics? (rhetorical question)
· This indisputably indicates that if we bury our heads in the sand (idiom) it will have irrevocable ramifications such as ‘implication of statistics’ (finish with: and ~this is just the tip of the iceberg (metaphor); I could go on…
· Pathos – evoke emotion by sharing a personal story of someone affected e.g. only the other day I spoke to a victim called ‘name’ who experienced ‘issue’ which ‘he/ she’ told me it caused ‘him/ her’ ‘…’ - the pain in ‘his/ her’ voice still relentlessly reverberates throughout my psyche and is a poignant and stark reminder that behind every statistic lies a human tragedy
One sentence paragraph e.g.,
· We cannot afford to remain indifferent!
· This is not time to be sedentary!
· We cannot idly stand by while ‘issue’ continues! (exclamatory sentences)
Subtitle e.g.,
‘’But what about…?’’ or, ‘’Haven’t you thought about…?’’ (dialogue, rhetorical question, and ellipsis).
Third paragraph
· One or two opposing points and counter-arguments - opposing point example: However, on the other hand some might say: ‘’reason against point you’re making’’ (dialogue), and counter-argument example: Although, even with this being said, this does not outweigh the overwhelming and undeniable urgency to prevent/ fix ‘‘new or aforementioned reemphasised/ slightly reworded consequences’’. As well, it could also be said ‘another opposition point or the current proposition to solve the problem only being a partial solution’, but again this does not solve the situation for everyone so what is the suggestion? That we just sweep these people under the rug? (idiom, irony and rhetorical question). My colleagues and I have thought long and hard and have left no stones unturned (idiom); we can say with absolute certainty that all opposing arguments pale in comparison (hyperbole). The writing is on the wall (idiom) and failure to act will spell the end (idiom) of society aswe know it - ~so much is at stake~ (hyperbole)
Subtitle e.g.
So what do we do?
Fourth paragraph
· Resolution ideas – Therefore, with all that being said, in order to find resolution and remedy this rampant issue, we must; ‘solutions/ what you want to happen in list form – 1 - ‘first solution’ 2 - ‘second solution’, and lastly 3 - ‘third solution’
· Conclusion/ summary – e.g. so finally in conclusion, cooperation is crucial to correct ‘briefly reminisce points’
Cyclical structure – repeat call to action from paragraph one (cyclical structure) but changed to: ‘we must unite together to resolve the issue of ‘…’, we must unite together to relieve those affected by ‘…’, we must act now to assure sustainability for future generations.
Letter – yours sincerely (if know the name of the recipient)/ yours faithfully (if don’t know the name of the recipient)
Speech - Thank you for your time.

This is the transactional writing template I made and used on my exam. I have also written what I wrote for the language analysis, comparison, and creative writing (descriptive essay), along with a concise look into the English language needed to get an A* which can be found on Amazon - What I wrote to get an A* on the English Language GCSE by Henry Norsworthy.
Transactional writing
Any kind of writing that aims to achieve a specific purpose or get something done, which can be:
To inform: sharing knowledge and facts, like a news article or instructional blog post.
To persuade: trying to convince the reader of a certain viewpoint, like an opinion piece or a sales letter.
To instruct: guiding the reader through a process, like a recipe or a how-to guide.
To request: formal letters requesting information or applications, or informal letters asking for favours.
My question was: write a speech about the importance of walking for mental well-being (or something similar to this)
Template
Letter - your address then date on right
Letter – recipient address (made up) then dear 'name/ body’ (if given in the question) or dear simadam (formal)/ to whom it may concern (less formal)
Speech – Hello and thank you for attending. My name is ‘…’ and I am speaking on behalf of ‘e.g. Cambridge University department of ‘relevant to question’ (if directed to peers say – I recognize many familiar faces here.)
Title e.g.
‘Subject from question’: we must act now! (direct address (directly addressing your audience) and imperative (an instruction or request commonly punctuated with an exclamation mark)) (for a letter the title and subtitles can be worded and written as the first sentence of a paragraph as letters don’t typically have titles and subtitles)
Strap line/ hook (who, what, when, where, why): e.g. ground-breaking new study from Cambridge University shows that ‘…’ has the effect of ‘…’ – if this is allowed to proceed then the future of ‘…’ will be on a collision course (alliteration) with a point of no return (idiom and hyperbole)
Subtitle: first point summary sentence e.g.
The issue of ‘point’.
First paragraph
· Firstly, ‘first point - use point given in the question’ …which will have profound, far-reaching, and encompassing effects (rule of three). We have found ourselves at a crossroads with a situation that is a ticking time-bomb/ idea blossomed; opening doors to new perspectives (metaphor)
· Anecdote - how you personally have experienced and been impacted by ‘point’ e.g. during my time working as a researcher in the ‘…’ department at Cambridge University, I have witnessed first-hand the effects of ‘…’ which has subsequently sparked great concern (builds credibility)
· Causes and consequences of first point in list form – it is proven ‘…’ is caused by; 1 - ‘first cause’ 2 - ‘second cause’ 3 - ‘third cause’, which imposes consequences of; 1 - ‘first consequence’ 2 - ‘second consequence’ 3 - ‘third consequence’.
· Call to action – as a member of this planet/ country/ society, I feel obliged to tackle this treacherous set of circumstances that stands (personification) before us – we must act now to ‘e.g. resolve the issue of ‘…’, we must act now to ‘e.g. relieve those affected by ‘…’, we must act now to ‘e.g. resurrect the future ‘…’ (anaphora, repetition, rule of three, alliteration)
Subtitle: second point summary sentence e.g.,
Darkest before dawn… (idiom, hyperbole, and ellipsis (the three dots used to create suspense or anticipation) or, it only gets worse… (hyperbole and ellipsis)
Second paragraph
· Secondly, ‘second point - use point given in question’ …we are truly in a delicate dance/ we are walking on thin-ice/ rollercoaster of emotions/ music to my ears (metaphor)
· Quote official person e.g. ‘name’ (who is largely considered to be one of the most reputable and highly regarded in the field) officially stated: ‘made up quote’
· Statistic from official body e.g. as well, my fellow colleagues at Cambridge have released shocking studies stating: ‘quote’ - how can we ignore these staggering statistics? (rhetorical question)
· This indisputably indicates that if we bury our heads in the sand (idiom) it will have irrevocable ramifications such as ‘implication of statistics’ (finish with: and ~this is just the tip of the iceberg (metaphor); I could go on…
· Pathos – evoke emotion by sharing a personal story of someone affected e.g. only the other day I spoke to a victim called ‘name’ who experienced ‘issue’ which ‘he/ she’ told me it caused ‘him/ her’ ‘…’ - the pain in ‘his/ her’ voice still relentlessly reverberates throughout my psyche and is a poignant and stark reminder that behind every statistic lies a human tragedy
One sentence paragraph e.g.,
· We cannot afford to remain indifferent!
· This is not time to be sedentary!
· We cannot idly stand by while ‘issue’ continues! (exclamatory sentences)
Subtitle e.g.,
‘’But what about…?’’ or, ‘’Haven’t you thought about…?’’ (dialogue, rhetorical question, and ellipsis).
Third paragraph
· One or two opposing points and counter-arguments - opposing point example: However, on the other hand some might say: ‘’reason against point you’re making’’ (dialogue), and counter-argument example: Although, even with this being said, this does not outweigh the overwhelming and undeniable urgency to prevent/ fix ‘‘new or aforementioned reemphasised/ slightly reworded consequences’’. As well, it could also be said ‘another opposition point or the current proposition to solve the problem only being a partial solution’, but again this does not solve the situation for everyone so what is the suggestion? That we just sweep these people under the rug? (idiom, irony and rhetorical question). My colleagues and I have thought long and hard and have left no stones unturned (idiom); we can say with absolute certainty that all opposing arguments pale in comparison (hyperbole). The writing is on the wall (idiom) and failure to act will spell the end (idiom) of society aswe know it - ~so much is at stake~ (hyperbole)
Subtitle e.g.
So what do we do?
Fourth paragraph
· Resolution ideas – Therefore, with all that being said, in order to find resolution and remedy this rampant issue, we must; ‘solutions/ what you want to happen in list form – 1 - ‘first solution’ 2 - ‘second solution’, and lastly 3 - ‘third solution’
· Conclusion/ summary – e.g. so finally in conclusion, cooperation is crucial to correct ‘briefly reminisce points’
Cyclical structure – repeat call to action from paragraph one (cyclical structure) but changed to: ‘we must unite together to resolve the issue of ‘…’, we must unite together to relieve those affected by ‘…’, we must act now to assure sustainability for future generations.
Letter – yours sincerely (if know the name of the recipient)/ yours faithfully (if don’t know the name of the recipient)
Speech - Thank you for your time.

This is the transactional writing template I made and used on my exam. I have also written what I wrote for the language analysis, comparison, and creative writing (descriptive essay), along with a concise look into the English language needed to get an A* which can be found on Amazon - What I wrote to get an A* on the English Language GCSE by Henry Norsworthy.
Transactional writing
Any kind of writing that aims to achieve a specific purpose or get something done, which can be:
To inform: sharing knowledge and facts, like a news article or instructional blog post.
To persuade: trying to convince the reader of a certain viewpoint, like an opinion piece or a sales letter.
To instruct: guiding the reader through a process, like a recipe or a how-to guide.
To request: formal letters requesting information or applications, or informal letters asking for favours.
My question was: write a speech about the importance of walking for mental well-being (or something similar to this)
Template
Letter - your address then date on right
Letter – recipient address (made up) then dear 'name/ body’ (if given in the question) or dear simadam (formal)/ to whom it may concern (less formal)
Speech – Hello and thank you for attending. My name is ‘…’ and I am speaking on behalf of ‘e.g. Cambridge University department of ‘relevant to question’ (if directed to peers say – I recognize many familiar faces here.)
Title e.g.
‘Subject from question’: we must act now! (direct address (directly addressing your audience) and imperative (an instruction or request commonly punctuated with an exclamation mark)) (for a letter the title and subtitles can be worded and written as the first sentence of a paragraph as letters don’t typically have titles and subtitles)
Strap line/ hook (who, what, when, where, why): e.g. ground-breaking new study from Cambridge University shows that ‘…’ has the effect of ‘…’ – if this is allowed to proceed then the future of ‘…’ will be on a collision course (alliteration) with a point of no return (idiom and hyperbole)
Subtitle: first point summary sentence e.g.
The issue of ‘point’.
First paragraph
· Firstly, ‘first point - use point given in the question’ …which will have profound, far-reaching, and encompassing effects (rule of three). We have found ourselves at a crossroads with a situation that is a ticking time-bomb/ idea blossomed; opening doors to new perspectives (metaphor)
· Anecdote - how you personally have experienced and been impacted by ‘point’ e.g. during my time working as a researcher in the ‘…’ department at Cambridge University, I have witnessed first-hand the effects of ‘…’ which has subsequently sparked great concern (builds credibility)
· Causes and consequences of first point in list form – it is proven ‘…’ is caused by; 1 - ‘first cause’ 2 - ‘second cause’ 3 - ‘third cause’, which imposes consequences of; 1 - ‘first consequence’ 2 - ‘second consequence’ 3 - ‘third consequence’.
· Call to action – as a member of this planet/ country/ society, I feel obliged to tackle this treacherous set of circumstances that stands (personification) before us – we must act now to ‘e.g. resolve the issue of ‘…’, we must act now to ‘e.g. relieve those affected by ‘…’, we must act now to ‘e.g. resurrect the future ‘…’ (anaphora, repetition, rule of three, alliteration)
Subtitle: second point summary sentence e.g.,
Darkest before dawn… (idiom, hyperbole, and ellipsis (the three dots used to create suspense or anticipation) or, it only gets worse… (hyperbole and ellipsis)
Second paragraph
· Secondly, ‘second point - use point given in question’ …we are truly in a delicate dance/ we are walking on thin-ice/ rollercoaster of emotions/ music to my ears (metaphor)
· Quote official person e.g. ‘name’ (who is largely considered to be one of the most reputable and highly regarded in the field) officially stated: ‘made up quote’
· Statistic from official body e.g. as well, my fellow colleagues at Cambridge have released shocking studies stating: ‘quote’ - how can we ignore these staggering statistics? (rhetorical question)
· This indisputably indicates that if we bury our heads in the sand (idiom) it will have irrevocable ramifications such as ‘implication of statistics’ (finish with: and ~this is just the tip of the iceberg (metaphor); I could go on…
· Pathos – evoke emotion by sharing a personal story of someone affected e.g. only the other day I spoke to a victim called ‘name’ who experienced ‘issue’ which ‘he/ she’ told me it caused ‘him/ her’ ‘…’ - the pain in ‘his/ her’ voice still relentlessly reverberates throughout my psyche and is a poignant and stark reminder that behind every statistic lies a human tragedy
One sentence paragraph e.g.,
· We cannot afford to remain indifferent!
· This is not time to be sedentary!
· We cannot idly stand by while ‘issue’ continues! (exclamatory sentences)
Subtitle e.g.,
‘’But what about…?’’ or, ‘’Haven’t you thought about…?’’ (dialogue, rhetorical question, and ellipsis).
Third paragraph
· One or two opposing points and counter-arguments - opposing point example: However, on the other hand some might say: ‘’reason against point you’re making’’ (dialogue), and counter-argument example: Although, even with this being said, this does not outweigh the overwhelming and undeniable urgency to prevent/ fix ‘‘new or aforementioned reemphasised/ slightly reworded consequences’’. As well, it could also be said ‘another opposition point or the current proposition to solve the problem only being a partial solution’, but again this does not solve the situation for everyone so what is the suggestion? That we just sweep these people under the rug? (idiom, irony and rhetorical question). My colleagues and I have thought long and hard and have left no stones unturned (idiom); we can say with absolute certainty that all opposing arguments pale in comparison (hyperbole). The writing is on the wall (idiom) and failure to act will spell the end (idiom) of society aswe know it - ~so much is at stake~ (hyperbole)
Subtitle e.g.
So what do we do?
Fourth paragraph
· Resolution ideas – Therefore, with all that being said, in order to find resolution and remedy this rampant issue, we must; ‘solutions/ what you want to happen in list form – 1 - ‘first solution’ 2 - ‘second solution’, and lastly 3 - ‘third solution’
· Conclusion/ summary – e.g. so finally in conclusion, cooperation is crucial to correct ‘briefly reminisce points’
Cyclical structure – repeat call to action from paragraph one (cyclical structure) but changed to: ‘we must unite together to resolve the issue of ‘…’, we must unite together to relieve those affected by ‘…’, we must act now to assure sustainability for future generations.
Letter – yours sincerely (if know the name of the recipient)/ yours faithfully (if don’t know the name of the recipient)
Speech - Thank you for your time.

This is the transactional writing template I made and used on my exam. I have also written what I wrote for the language analysis, comparison, and creative writing (descriptive essay), along with a concise look into the English language needed to get an A* which can be found on Amazon - What I wrote to get an A* on the English Language GCSE by Henry Norsworthy.
Transactional writing
Any kind of writing that aims to achieve a specific purpose or get something done, which can be:
To inform: sharing knowledge and facts, like a news article or instructional blog post.
To persuade: trying to convince the reader of a certain viewpoint, like an opinion piece or a sales letter.
To instruct: guiding the reader through a process, like a recipe or a how-to guide.
To request: formal letters requesting information or applications, or informal letters asking for favours.
My question was: write a speech about the importance of walking for mental well-being (or something similar to this)
Template
Letter - your address then date on right
Letter – recipient address (made up) then dear 'name/ body’ (if given in the question) or dear simadam (formal)/ to whom it may concern (less formal)
Speech – Hello and thank you for attending. My name is ‘…’ and I am speaking on behalf of ‘e.g. Cambridge University department of ‘relevant to question’ (if directed to peers say – I recognize many familiar faces here.)
Title e.g.
‘Subject from question’: we must act now! (direct address (directly addressing your audience) and imperative (an instruction or request commonly punctuated with an exclamation mark)) (for a letter the title and subtitles can be worded and written as the first sentence of a paragraph as letters don’t typically have titles and subtitles)
Strap line/ hook (who, what, when, where, why): e.g. ground-breaking new study from Cambridge University shows that ‘…’ has the effect of ‘…’ – if this is allowed to proceed then the future of ‘…’ will be on a collision course (alliteration) with a point of no return (idiom and hyperbole)
Subtitle: first point summary sentence e.g.
The issue of ‘point’.
First paragraph
· Firstly, ‘first point - use point given in the question’ …which will have profound, far-reaching, and encompassing effects (rule of three). We have found ourselves at a crossroads with a situation that is a ticking time-bomb/ idea blossomed; opening doors to new perspectives (metaphor)
· Anecdote - how you personally have experienced and been impacted by ‘point’ e.g. during my time working as a researcher in the ‘…’ department at Cambridge University, I have witnessed first-hand the effects of ‘…’ which has subsequently sparked great concern (builds credibility)
· Causes and consequences of first point in list form – it is proven ‘…’ is caused by; 1 - ‘first cause’ 2 - ‘second cause’ 3 - ‘third cause’, which imposes consequences of; 1 - ‘first consequence’ 2 - ‘second consequence’ 3 - ‘third consequence’.
· Call to action – as a member of this planet/ country/ society, I feel obliged to tackle this treacherous set of circumstances that stands (personification) before us – we must act now to ‘e.g. resolve the issue of ‘…’, we must act now to ‘e.g. relieve those affected by ‘…’, we must act now to ‘e.g. resurrect the future ‘…’ (anaphora, repetition, rule of three, alliteration)
Subtitle: second point summary sentence e.g.,
Darkest before dawn… (idiom, hyperbole, and ellipsis (the three dots used to create suspense or anticipation) or, it only gets worse… (hyperbole and ellipsis)
Second paragraph
· Secondly, ‘second point - use point given in question’ …we are truly in a delicate dance/ we are walking on thin-ice/ rollercoaster of emotions/ music to my ears (metaphor)
· Quote official person e.g. ‘name’ (who is largely considered to be one of the most reputable and highly regarded in the field) officially stated: ‘made up quote’
· Statistic from official body e.g. as well, my fellow colleagues at Cambridge have released shocking studies stating: ‘quote’ - how can we ignore these staggering statistics? (rhetorical question)
· This indisputably indicates that if we bury our heads in the sand (idiom) it will have irrevocable ramifications such as ‘implication of statistics’ (finish with: and ~this is just the tip of the iceberg (metaphor); I could go on…
· Pathos – evoke emotion by sharing a personal story of someone affected e.g. only the other day I spoke to a victim called ‘name’ who experienced ‘issue’ which ‘he/ she’ told me it caused ‘him/ her’ ‘…’ - the pain in ‘his/ her’ voice still relentlessly reverberates throughout my psyche and is a poignant and stark reminder that behind every statistic lies a human tragedy
One sentence paragraph e.g.,
· We cannot afford to remain indifferent!
· This is not time to be sedentary!
· We cannot idly stand by while ‘issue’ continues! (exclamatory sentences)
Subtitle e.g.,
‘’But what about…?’’ or, ‘’Haven’t you thought about…?’’ (dialogue, rhetorical question, and ellipsis).
Third paragraph
· One or two opposing points and counter-arguments - opposing point example: However, on the other hand some might say: ‘’reason against point you’re making’’ (dialogue), and counter-argument example: Although, even with this being said, this does not outweigh the overwhelming and undeniable urgency to prevent/ fix ‘‘new or aforementioned reemphasised/ slightly reworded consequences’’. As well, it could also be said ‘another opposition point or the current proposition to solve the problem only being a partial solution’, but again this does not solve the situation for everyone so what is the suggestion? That we just sweep these people under the rug? (idiom, irony and rhetorical question). My colleagues and I have thought long and hard and have left no stones unturned (idiom); we can say with absolute certainty that all opposing arguments pale in comparison (hyperbole). The writing is on the wall (idiom) and failure to act will spell the end (idiom) of society aswe know it - ~so much is at stake~ (hyperbole)
Subtitle e.g.
So what do we do?
Fourth paragraph
· Resolution ideas – Therefore, with all that being said, in order to find resolution and remedy this rampant issue, we must; ‘solutions/ what you want to happen in list form – 1 - ‘first solution’ 2 - ‘second solution’, and lastly 3 - ‘third solution’
· Conclusion/ summary – e.g. so finally in conclusion, cooperation is crucial to correct ‘briefly reminisce points’
Cyclical structure – repeat call to action from paragraph one (cyclical structure) but changed to: ‘we must unite together to resolve the issue of ‘…’, we must unite together to relieve those affected by ‘…’, we must act now to assure sustainability for future generations.
Letter – yours sincerely (if know the name of the recipient)/ yours faithfully (if don’t know the name of the recipient)
Speech - Thank you for your time.

This is the transactional writing template I made and used on my exam. I have also written what I wrote for the language analysis, comparison, and creative writing (descriptive essay), along with a concise look into the English language needed to get an A* which can be found on Amazon - What I wrote to get an A* on the English Language GCSE by Henry Norsworthy.
Transactional writing
Any kind of writing that aims to achieve a specific purpose or get something done, which can be:
To inform: sharing knowledge and facts, like a news article or instructional blog post.
To persuade: trying to convince the reader of a certain viewpoint, like an opinion piece or a sales letter.
To instruct: guiding the reader through a process, like a recipe or a how-to guide.
To request: formal letters requesting information or applications, or informal letters asking for favours.
My question was: write a speech about the importance of walking for mental well-being (or something similar to this)
Template
Letter - your address then date on right
Letter – recipient address (made up) then dear 'name/ body’ (if given in the question) or dear simadam (formal)/ to whom it may concern (less formal)
Speech – Hello and thank you for attending. My name is ‘…’ and I am speaking on behalf of ‘e.g. Cambridge University department of ‘relevant to question’ (if directed to peers say – I recognize many familiar faces here.)
Title e.g.
‘Subject from question’: we must act now! (direct address (directly addressing your audience) and imperative (an instruction or request commonly punctuated with an exclamation mark)) (for a letter the title and subtitles can be worded and written as the first sentence of a paragraph as letters don’t typically have titles and subtitles)
Strap line/ hook (who, what, when, where, why): e.g. ground-breaking new study from Cambridge University shows that ‘…’ has the effect of ‘…’ – if this is allowed to proceed then the future of ‘…’ will be on a collision course (alliteration) with a point of no return (idiom and hyperbole)
Subtitle: first point summary sentence e.g.
The issue of ‘point’.
First paragraph
· Firstly, ‘first point - use point given in the question’ …which will have profound, far-reaching, and encompassing effects (rule of three). We have found ourselves at a crossroads with a situation that is a ticking time-bomb/ idea blossomed; opening doors to new perspectives (metaphor)
· Anecdote - how you personally have experienced and been impacted by ‘point’ e.g. during my time working as a researcher in the ‘…’ department at Cambridge University, I have witnessed first-hand the effects of ‘…’ which has subsequently sparked great concern (builds credibility)
· Causes and consequences of first point in list form – it is proven ‘…’ is caused by; 1 - ‘first cause’ 2 - ‘second cause’ 3 - ‘third cause’, which imposes consequences of; 1 - ‘first consequence’ 2 - ‘second consequence’ 3 - ‘third consequence’.
· Call to action – as a member of this planet/ country/ society, I feel obliged to tackle this treacherous set of circumstances that stands (personification) before us – we must act now to ‘e.g. resolve the issue of ‘…’, we must act now to ‘e.g. relieve those affected by ‘…’, we must act now to ‘e.g. resurrect the future ‘…’ (anaphora, repetition, rule of three, alliteration)
Subtitle: second point summary sentence e.g.,
Darkest before dawn… (idiom, hyperbole, and ellipsis (the three dots used to create suspense or anticipation) or, it only gets worse… (hyperbole and ellipsis)
Second paragraph
· Secondly, ‘second point - use point given in question’ …we are truly in a delicate dance/ we are walking on thin-ice/ rollercoaster of emotions/ music to my ears (metaphor)
· Quote official person e.g. ‘name’ (who is largely considered to be one of the most reputable and highly regarded in the field) officially stated: ‘made up quote’
· Statistic from official body e.g. as well, my fellow colleagues at Cambridge have released shocking studies stating: ‘quote’ - how can we ignore these staggering statistics? (rhetorical question)
· This indisputably indicates that if we bury our heads in the sand (idiom) it will have irrevocable ramifications such as ‘implication of statistics’ (finish with: and ~this is just the tip of the iceberg (metaphor); I could go on…
· Pathos – evoke emotion by sharing a personal story of someone affected e.g. only the other day I spoke to a victim called ‘name’ who experienced ‘issue’ which ‘he/ she’ told me it caused ‘him/ her’ ‘…’ - the pain in ‘his/ her’ voice still relentlessly reverberates throughout my psyche and is a poignant and stark reminder that behind every statistic lies a human tragedy
One sentence paragraph e.g.,
· We cannot afford to remain indifferent!
· This is not time to be sedentary!
· We cannot idly stand by while ‘issue’ continues! (exclamatory sentences)
Subtitle e.g.,
‘’But what about…?’’ or, ‘’Haven’t you thought about…?’’ (dialogue, rhetorical question, and ellipsis).
Third paragraph
· One or two opposing points and counter-arguments - opposing point example: However, on the other hand some might say: ‘’reason against point you’re making’’ (dialogue), and counter-argument example: Although, even with this being said, this does not outweigh the overwhelming and undeniable urgency to prevent/ fix ‘‘new or aforementioned reemphasised/ slightly reworded consequences’’. As well, it could also be said ‘another opposition point or the current proposition to solve the problem only being a partial solution’, but again this does not solve the situation for everyone so what is the suggestion? That we just sweep these people under the rug? (idiom, irony and rhetorical question). My colleagues and I have thought long and hard and have left no stones unturned (idiom); we can say with absolute certainty that all opposing arguments pale in comparison (hyperbole). The writing is on the wall (idiom) and failure to act will spell the end (idiom) of society aswe know it - ~so much is at stake~ (hyperbole)
Subtitle e.g.
So what do we do?
Fourth paragraph
· Resolution ideas – Therefore, with all that being said, in order to find resolution and remedy this rampant issue, we must; ‘solutions/ what you want to happen in list form – 1 - ‘first solution’ 2 - ‘second solution’, and lastly 3 - ‘third solution’
· Conclusion/ summary – e.g. so finally in conclusion, cooperation is crucial to correct ‘briefly reminisce points’
Cyclical structure – repeat call to action from paragraph one (cyclical structure) but changed to: ‘we must unite together to resolve the issue of ‘…’, we must unite together to relieve those affected by ‘…’, we must act now to assure sustainability for future generations.
Letter – yours sincerely (if know the name of the recipient)/ yours faithfully (if don’t know the name of the recipient)
Speech - Thank you for your time.

This is the transactional writing template I made and used on my exam. I have also written what I wrote for the language analysis, comparison, and creative writing (descriptive essay), along with a concise look into the English language needed to get an A* which can be found on Amazon - What I wrote to get an A* on the English Language GCSE by Henry Norsworthy.
Transactional writing
Any kind of writing that aims to achieve a specific purpose or get something done, which can be:
To inform: sharing knowledge and facts, like a news article or instructional blog post.
To persuade: trying to convince the reader of a certain viewpoint, like an opinion piece or a sales letter.
To instruct: guiding the reader through a process, like a recipe or a how-to guide.
To request: formal letters requesting information or applications, or informal letters asking for favours.
My question was: write a speech about the importance of walking for mental well-being (or something similar to this)
Template
Letter - your address then date on right
Letter – recipient address (made up) then dear 'name/ body’ (if given in the question) or dear simadam (formal)/ to whom it may concern (less formal)
Speech – Hello and thank you for attending. My name is ‘…’ and I am speaking on behalf of ‘e.g. Cambridge University department of ‘relevant to question’ (if directed to peers say – I recognize many familiar faces here.)
Title e.g.
‘Subject from question’: we must act now! (direct address (directly addressing your audience) and imperative (an instruction or request commonly punctuated with an exclamation mark)) (for a letter the title and subtitles can be worded and written as the first sentence of a paragraph as letters don’t typically have titles and subtitles)
Strap line/ hook (who, what, when, where, why): e.g. ground-breaking new study from Cambridge University shows that ‘…’ has the effect of ‘…’ – if this is allowed to proceed then the future of ‘…’ will be on a collision course (alliteration) with a point of no return (idiom and hyperbole)
Subtitle: first point summary sentence e.g.
The issue of ‘point’.
First paragraph
· Firstly, ‘first point - use point given in the question’ …which will have profound, far-reaching, and encompassing effects (rule of three). We have found ourselves at a crossroads with a situation that is a ticking time-bomb/ idea blossomed; opening doors to new perspectives (metaphor)
· Anecdote - how you personally have experienced and been impacted by ‘point’ e.g. during my time working as a researcher in the ‘…’ department at Cambridge University, I have witnessed first-hand the effects of ‘…’ which has subsequently sparked great concern (builds credibility)
· Causes and consequences of first point in list form – it is proven ‘…’ is caused by; 1 - ‘first cause’ 2 - ‘second cause’ 3 - ‘third cause’, which imposes consequences of; 1 - ‘first consequence’ 2 - ‘second consequence’ 3 - ‘third consequence’.
· Call to action – as a member of this planet/ country/ society, I feel obliged to tackle this treacherous set of circumstances that stands (personification) before us – we must act now to ‘e.g. resolve the issue of ‘…’, we must act now to ‘e.g. relieve those affected by ‘…’, we must act now to ‘e.g. resurrect the future ‘…’ (anaphora, repetition, rule of three, alliteration)
Subtitle: second point summary sentence e.g.,
Darkest before dawn… (idiom, hyperbole, and ellipsis (the three dots used to create suspense or anticipation) or, it only gets worse… (hyperbole and ellipsis)
Second paragraph
· Secondly, ‘second point - use point given in question’ …we are truly in a delicate dance/ we are walking on thin-ice/ rollercoaster of emotions/ music to my ears (metaphor)
· Quote official person e.g. ‘name’ (who is largely considered to be one of the most reputable and highly regarded in the field) officially stated: ‘made up quote’
· Statistic from official body e.g. as well, my fellow colleagues at Cambridge have released shocking studies stating: ‘quote’ - how can we ignore these staggering statistics? (rhetorical question)
· This indisputably indicates that if we bury our heads in the sand (idiom) it will have irrevocable ramifications such as ‘implication of statistics’ (finish with: and ~this is just the tip of the iceberg (metaphor); I could go on…
· Pathos – evoke emotion by sharing a personal story of someone affected e.g. only the other day I spoke to a victim called ‘name’ who experienced ‘issue’ which ‘he/ she’ told me it caused ‘him/ her’ ‘…’ - the pain in ‘his/ her’ voice still relentlessly reverberates throughout my psyche and is a poignant and stark reminder that behind every statistic lies a human tragedy
One sentence paragraph e.g.,
· We cannot afford to remain indifferent!
· This is not time to be sedentary!
· We cannot idly stand by while ‘issue’ continues! (exclamatory sentences)
Subtitle e.g.,
‘’But what about…?’’ or, ‘’Haven’t you thought about…?’’ (dialogue, rhetorical question, and ellipsis).
Third paragraph
· One or two opposing points and counter-arguments - opposing point example: However, on the other hand some might say: ‘’reason against point you’re making’’ (dialogue), and counter-argument example: Although, even with this being said, this does not outweigh the overwhelming and undeniable urgency to prevent/ fix ‘‘new or aforementioned reemphasised/ slightly reworded consequences’’. As well, it could also be said ‘another opposition point or the current proposition to solve the problem only being a partial solution’, but again this does not solve the situation for everyone so what is the suggestion? That we just sweep these people under the rug? (idiom, irony and rhetorical question). My colleagues and I have thought long and hard and have left no stones unturned (idiom); we can say with absolute certainty that all opposing arguments pale in comparison (hyperbole). The writing is on the wall (idiom) and failure to act will spell the end (idiom) of society aswe know it - ~so much is at stake~ (hyperbole)
Subtitle e.g.
So what do we do?
Fourth paragraph
· Resolution ideas – Therefore, with all that being said, in order to find resolution and remedy this rampant issue, we must; ‘solutions/ what you want to happen in list form – 1 - ‘first solution’ 2 - ‘second solution’, and lastly 3 - ‘third solution’
· Conclusion/ summary – e.g. so finally in conclusion, cooperation is crucial to correct ‘briefly reminisce points’
Cyclical structure – repeat call to action from paragraph one (cyclical structure) but changed to: ‘we must unite together to resolve the issue of ‘…’, we must unite together to relieve those affected by ‘…’, we must act now to assure sustainability for future generations.
Letter – yours sincerely (if know the name of the recipient)/ yours faithfully (if don’t know the name of the recipient)
Speech - Thank you for your time.

This is the transactional writing template I made and used on my exam. I have also written what I wrote for the language analysis, comparison, and creative writing (descriptive essay), along with a concise look into the English language needed to get an A* which can be found on Amazon - What I wrote to get an A* on the English Language GCSE by Henry Norsworthy.
Transactional writing
Any kind of writing that aims to achieve a specific purpose or get something done, which can be:
To inform: sharing knowledge and facts, like a news article or instructional blog post.
To persuade: trying to convince the reader of a certain viewpoint, like an opinion piece or a sales letter.
To instruct: guiding the reader through a process, like a recipe or a how-to guide.
To request: formal letters requesting information or applications, or informal letters asking for favours.
My question was: write a speech about the importance of walking for mental well-being (or something similar to this)
Template
Letter - your address then date on right
Letter – recipient address (made up) then dear 'name/ body’ (if given in the question) or dear simadam (formal)/ to whom it may concern (less formal)
Speech – Hello and thank you for attending. My name is ‘…’ and I am speaking on behalf of ‘e.g. Cambridge University department of ‘relevant to question’ (if directed to peers say – I recognize many familiar faces here.)
Title e.g.
‘Subject from question’: we must act now! (direct address (directly addressing your audience) and imperative (an instruction or request commonly punctuated with an exclamation mark)) (for a letter the title and subtitles can be worded and written as the first sentence of a paragraph as letters don’t typically have titles and subtitles)
Strap line/ hook (who, what, when, where, why): e.g. ground-breaking new study from Cambridge University shows that ‘…’ has the effect of ‘…’ – if this is allowed to proceed then the future of ‘…’ will be on a collision course (alliteration) with a point of no return (idiom and hyperbole)
Subtitle: first point summary sentence e.g.
The issue of ‘point’.
First paragraph
· Firstly, ‘first point - use point given in the question’ …which will have profound, far-reaching, and encompassing effects (rule of three). We have found ourselves at a crossroads with a situation that is a ticking time-bomb/ idea blossomed; opening doors to new perspectives (metaphor)
· Anecdote - how you personally have experienced and been impacted by ‘point’ e.g. during my time working as a researcher in the ‘…’ department at Cambridge University, I have witnessed first-hand the effects of ‘…’ which has subsequently sparked great concern (builds credibility)
· Causes and consequences of first point in list form – it is proven ‘…’ is caused by; 1 - ‘first cause’ 2 - ‘second cause’ 3 - ‘third cause’, which imposes consequences of; 1 - ‘first consequence’ 2 - ‘second consequence’ 3 - ‘third consequence’.
· Call to action – as a member of this planet/ country/ society, I feel obliged to tackle this treacherous set of circumstances that stands (personification) before us – we must act now to ‘e.g. resolve the issue of ‘…’, we must act now to ‘e.g. relieve those affected by ‘…’, we must act now to ‘e.g. resurrect the future ‘…’ (anaphora, repetition, rule of three, alliteration)
Subtitle: second point summary sentence e.g.,
Darkest before dawn… (idiom, hyperbole, and ellipsis (the three dots used to create suspense or anticipation) or, it only gets worse… (hyperbole and ellipsis)
Second paragraph
· Secondly, ‘second point - use point given in question’ …we are truly in a delicate dance/ we are walking on thin-ice/ rollercoaster of emotions/ music to my ears (metaphor)
· Quote official person e.g. ‘name’ (who is largely considered to be one of the most reputable and highly regarded in the field) officially stated: ‘made up quote’
· Statistic from official body e.g. as well, my fellow colleagues at Cambridge have released shocking studies stating: ‘quote’ - how can we ignore these staggering statistics? (rhetorical question)
· This indisputably indicates that if we bury our heads in the sand (idiom) it will have irrevocable ramifications such as ‘implication of statistics’ (finish with: and ~this is just the tip of the iceberg (metaphor); I could go on…
· Pathos – evoke emotion by sharing a personal story of someone affected e.g. only the other day I spoke to a victim called ‘name’ who experienced ‘issue’ which ‘he/ she’ told me it caused ‘him/ her’ ‘…’ - the pain in ‘his/ her’ voice still relentlessly reverberates throughout my psyche and is a poignant and stark reminder that behind every statistic lies a human tragedy
One sentence paragraph e.g.,
· We cannot afford to remain indifferent!
· This is not time to be sedentary!
· We cannot idly stand by while ‘issue’ continues! (exclamatory sentences)
Subtitle e.g.,
‘’But what about…?’’ or, ‘’Haven’t you thought about…?’’ (dialogue, rhetorical question, and ellipsis).
Third paragraph
· One or two opposing points and counter-arguments - opposing point example: However, on the other hand some might say: ‘’reason against point you’re making’’ (dialogue), and counter-argument example: Although, even with this being said, this does not outweigh the overwhelming and undeniable urgency to prevent/ fix ‘‘new or aforementioned reemphasised/ slightly reworded consequences’’. As well, it could also be said ‘another opposition point or the current proposition to solve the problem only being a partial solution’, but again this does not solve the situation for everyone so what is the suggestion? That we just sweep these people under the rug? (idiom, irony and rhetorical question). My colleagues and I have thought long and hard and have left no stones unturned (idiom); we can say with absolute certainty that all opposing arguments pale in comparison (hyperbole). The writing is on the wall (idiom) and failure to act will spell the end (idiom) of society aswe know it - ~so much is at stake~ (hyperbole)
Subtitle e.g.
So what do we do?
Fourth paragraph
· Resolution ideas – Therefore, with all that being said, in order to find resolution and remedy this rampant issue, we must; ‘solutions/ what you want to happen in list form – 1 - ‘first solution’ 2 - ‘second solution’, and lastly 3 - ‘third solution’
· Conclusion/ summary – e.g. so finally in conclusion, cooperation is crucial to correct ‘briefly reminisce points’
Cyclical structure – repeat call to action from paragraph one (cyclical structure) but changed to: ‘we must unite together to resolve the issue of ‘…’, we must unite together to relieve those affected by ‘…’, we must act now to assure sustainability for future generations.
Letter – yours sincerely (if know the name of the recipient)/ yours faithfully (if don’t know the name of the recipient)
Speech - Thank you for your time.

This is the transactional writing template I made and used on my exam. I have also written what I wrote for the language analysis, comparison, and creative writing (descriptive essay), along with a concise look into the English language needed to get an A* which can be found on Amazon - What I wrote to get an A* on the English Language GCSE by Henry Norsworthy.
Transactional writing
Any kind of writing that aims to achieve a specific purpose or get something done, which can be:
To inform: sharing knowledge and facts, like a news article or instructional blog post.
To persuade: trying to convince the reader of a certain viewpoint, like an opinion piece or a sales letter.
To instruct: guiding the reader through a process, like a recipe or a how-to guide.
To request: formal letters requesting information or applications, or informal letters asking for favours.
My question was: write a speech about the importance of walking for mental well-being (or something similar to this)
Template
Letter - your address then date on right
Letter – recipient address (made up) then dear 'name/ body’ (if given in the question) or dear simadam (formal)/ to whom it may concern (less formal)
Speech – Hello and thank you for attending. My name is ‘…’ and I am speaking on behalf of ‘e.g. Cambridge University department of ‘relevant to question’ (if directed to peers say – I recognize many familiar faces here.)
Title e.g.
‘Subject from question’: we must act now! (direct address (directly addressing your audience) and imperative (an instruction or request commonly punctuated with an exclamation mark)) (for a letter the title and subtitles can be worded and written as the first sentence of a paragraph as letters don’t typically have titles and subtitles)
Strap line/ hook (who, what, when, where, why): e.g. ground-breaking new study from Cambridge University shows that ‘…’ has the effect of ‘…’ – if this is allowed to proceed then the future of ‘…’ will be on a collision course (alliteration) with a point of no return (idiom and hyperbole)
Subtitle: first point summary sentence e.g.
The issue of ‘point’.
First paragraph
· Firstly, ‘first point - use point given in the question’ …which will have profound, far-reaching, and encompassing effects (rule of three). We have found ourselves at a crossroads with a situation that is a ticking time-bomb/ idea blossomed; opening doors to new perspectives (metaphor)
· Anecdote - how you personally have experienced and been impacted by ‘point’ e.g. during my time working as a researcher in the ‘…’ department at Cambridge University, I have witnessed first-hand the effects of ‘…’ which has subsequently sparked great concern (builds credibility)
· Causes and consequences of first point in list form – it is proven ‘…’ is caused by; 1 - ‘first cause’ 2 - ‘second cause’ 3 - ‘third cause’, which imposes consequences of; 1 - ‘first consequence’ 2 - ‘second consequence’ 3 - ‘third consequence’.
· Call to action – as a member of this planet/ country/ society, I feel obliged to tackle this treacherous set of circumstances that stands (personification) before us – we must act now to ‘e.g. resolve the issue of ‘…’, we must act now to ‘e.g. relieve those affected by ‘…’, we must act now to ‘e.g. resurrect the future ‘…’ (anaphora, repetition, rule of three, alliteration)
Subtitle: second point summary sentence e.g.,
Darkest before dawn… (idiom, hyperbole, and ellipsis (the three dots used to create suspense or anticipation) or, it only gets worse… (hyperbole and ellipsis)
Second paragraph
· Secondly, ‘second point - use point given in question’ …we are truly in a delicate dance/ we are walking on thin-ice/ rollercoaster of emotions/ music to my ears (metaphor)
· Quote official person e.g. ‘name’ (who is largely considered to be one of the most reputable and highly regarded in the field) officially stated: ‘made up quote’
· Statistic from official body e.g. as well, my fellow colleagues at Cambridge have released shocking studies stating: ‘quote’ - how can we ignore these staggering statistics? (rhetorical question)
· This indisputably indicates that if we bury our heads in the sand (idiom) it will have irrevocable ramifications such as ‘implication of statistics’ (finish with: and ~this is just the tip of the iceberg (metaphor); I could go on…
· Pathos – evoke emotion by sharing a personal story of someone affected e.g. only the other day I spoke to a victim called ‘name’ who experienced ‘issue’ which ‘he/ she’ told me it caused ‘him/ her’ ‘…’ - the pain in ‘his/ her’ voice still relentlessly reverberates throughout my psyche and is a poignant and stark reminder that behind every statistic lies a human tragedy
One sentence paragraph e.g.,
· We cannot afford to remain indifferent!
· This is not time to be sedentary!
· We cannot idly stand by while ‘issue’ continues! (exclamatory sentences)
Subtitle e.g.,
‘’But what about…?’’ or, ‘’Haven’t you thought about…?’’ (dialogue, rhetorical question, and ellipsis).
Third paragraph
· One or two opposing points and counter-arguments - opposing point example: However, on the other hand some might say: ‘’reason against point you’re making’’ (dialogue), and counter-argument example: Although, even with this being said, this does not outweigh the overwhelming and undeniable urgency to prevent/ fix ‘‘new or aforementioned reemphasised/ slightly reworded consequences’’. As well, it could also be said ‘another opposition point or the current proposition to solve the problem only being a partial solution’, but again this does not solve the situation for everyone so what is the suggestion? That we just sweep these people under the rug? (idiom, irony and rhetorical question). My colleagues and I have thought long and hard and have left no stones unturned (idiom); we can say with absolute certainty that all opposing arguments pale in comparison (hyperbole). The writing is on the wall (idiom) and failure to act will spell the end (idiom) of society aswe know it - ~so much is at stake~ (hyperbole)
Subtitle e.g.
So what do we do?
Fourth paragraph
· Resolution ideas – Therefore, with all that being said, in order to find resolution and remedy this rampant issue, we must; ‘solutions/ what you want to happen in list form – 1 - ‘first solution’ 2 - ‘second solution’, and lastly 3 - ‘third solution’
· Conclusion/ summary – e.g. so finally in conclusion, cooperation is crucial to correct ‘briefly reminisce points’
Cyclical structure – repeat call to action from paragraph one (cyclical structure) but changed to: ‘we must unite together to resolve the issue of ‘…’, we must unite together to relieve those affected by ‘…’, we must act now to assure sustainability for future generations.
Letter – yours sincerely (if know the name of the recipient)/ yours faithfully (if don’t know the name of the recipient)
Speech - Thank you for your time.

Post says it all! I'm curious to how other people name thing sin their games, whether it's characters, mechanics, worlds and their game. This is a topic that I spend alot of time thinking about.
For me it differs from subject to subject.

Characters

For characters it comes in two parts. Their real names and their nicknames.
Their real names are functionally given by their parents, and aren't always a good reflection of who they are. It's more or less the wish of who they could become. Depending on the story, I try to create a naming convention that ties in to the reality of the world. Sometimes it's simply what comes to my head in the first time I draw the character, other times it's a small joke on their true role to the character.
Nicknames on the other hand are very functional. They reflect both the characters thoughts on themselves and the role people see them as. These names are refined through their deeds in a story. They act as guideposts to the audience of what I expect from them.

Mechanics

I know I shouldn't, but I often try to be cute and novel with my naming conventions for mechanics that aren't completely common place. Whether it's trying to use alliteration amongst my mechanics, or referencing different sets of words inspired by the topic, I try to have the words themed appropriately.
For me it's about conveying to my players different connotations on the vibe of a game. I.e in Parselings (my deckbuilding ttrpg) exp is called script, because the world is very much a game based on wordplay. The script reflects the lines of writting that is the character's life.
That being said, to me it's also important to not stay too far from the light, unless absolutely necessary. I.e I won't rename health/hp as anything else because the word is too ingrained in gaming culture.

World and a game title

I suck at naming world's, and usually I go for a vibe. I'm usually hunting for a unique phrase that captures a bit of mystique. A title that is an interesting arrangement of words that hints at the game concept, but needs a bit of understanding of my game/world to fully get the reference.

Hi! I'm due with our second in two months. It's a boy, and my husband and I having the hardest time coming up with name ideas! Here are some of our parameters:

• We don't want a name that's super duper common/trendy...
• but also don't want one that's so unique people will always be asking how it's spelled or where it comes from (e.g. we do want a name most people in the US are at least a bit familiar with.)
• We don't want a name that starts with a hard C or K sound (for alliteration with last name.)
• We'd love a name that works in Japan/the Japanese language but also in other languages/cultures (the baby is 1/4 Japanese, 1/4 Polish, and 50% other northern European things including Norwegian and German). (For example, our daughter's name is Naomi, which is a name that is used and pronounceable in many cultures and languages.)

Some of the names we've been pondering: Kai; Oscar; Franklin; Frank; Gilbert (Gil / Bert); Milo.
Thanks for helping us with any ideas! Or support for one of the ones on our list!

immediately previously by this account user,
not it
ref 1, Callen: https://archive.org/details/herbert-b.-callen-thermodynamics-and-an-introduction-to-thermostatistics-wiley-1985_202201/page/461/mode/1up?view=theater
ref 2, Howison: https://books.google.com/books?id=dg3wkAkfKQ4C&pg=PA312#v=onepage&q&f=false
Figure 1/1 – refrigerator argument
How many people in history didn’t invent the refrigerator?, and how that makes you God over “precisely not it.”
T. Ra.
Abstract: Without presenting anything “new,” all “things” are made new. We highlight the invention of the refrigerator. Revolving the title question around not it self a few times allows us to demonstrate the absurdity of any hope held for accounting via any purely physical determinism for the whole of a man’s reality. A purely physical determinism cannot account for the invention of the refrigerator! The refrigerator is the result of super-physical causation. The only hope to cover a super-physical cause in a full determinism, is a super-super-physical Determinant. Mature science must thus root not it self in (the freedom of mere) super-physical causation (idealism), and conform to the strictures (i) of inter-personal self-determination: double-harmonizing about precisely not it.
Background / Introduction:
In our ongoing war to advance the domain of science, the debate between quantum mechanics and relativity is widely regarded the current front. The laity have a description: stuff tells spacetime how to warp; and spacetime tells stuff how to move. The common sense is that there remains only the last technical issue, that of unifying the two contributions. I invite you to meditate a while with me over the significance of the invention of the refrigerator, and what not it means for the nature of science going forward. To be sure, classical notions of system and state have never proven adequate to account for non-equilibrium “thermodynamic” phenomena. To be super sure, throughout this paper the apparent probabilistic nature of quantum mechanics is not used argumentatively against Determinism (we demand a stronger argument of ourselves).
On the cover of (the 1985 second edition to) his then widely used textbook on thermodynamics,¹ Herbert B. Callen (Wiley) starkly offered the image of one very basic figure. That very basic figure on the cover included (we say by convention): two signs. I alliterate that image here: “L 4.” Those two signifiers: 1) in gold: there was an otherwise unadorned right-angle coordinates, “L,”; and 2) in gold, with arrows: a four-step thermodynamic cycle, “4”. The cover was deep blue (0). One basic, stunning, figure: a coordinates and a cycle. A coordinates and a cycle. L 4. A coordinates, and a cycle. Uninspiring?
A science sufficient to life would have to account not only for people’s philosophizing, but for every other detail of their reality. Tall task. Decidedly too tall though? How can science even begin to hope to provide a positive accounting for the invention of the refrigerator? (I ask knowing not it cannot, but the question is more than rhetorical). If we can say there are “things” science will never be able to do (ideas science will never be able to subsume), we might keep ourselves from looking in some dead-end direction(s)! If we can say that physics will (be able to accommodate but) never be able to account for the act of invention by super-physical causation, where does that leave science? Turns out science is no more upset than the color blue (Callen’s background). Turns out the cycle, “4,” is no more, or less, determined by the coordinates, “L,” than reality is determined by physics! Physics not it self is a Dynamic canvass, but the artist has eternal utensils ever at his disposal. Life literally bleeds not it self into reality, everywhere at once!
Argument:
Working refrigerators are commonplace today. For most of history that was not so. By what cause are refrigerators an actuality today? There only the two seeming-options, and we are about to confirm that pure-physicalist-determinism is absurd. If seemingly outrageous, our conclusion is that the refrigerator comes to us not-without super-physical intervention.
By what cause are refrigerators an actuality today? The would-be physicalist has to confess the refrigerator came by way of idea. Science, at least, if eventually, must confess the refrigerator came by way of super-physical cause. One can talk of motivation and inspiration, and all the knowledge that had to be at the table when the idea was had, when the invention was made, but the point stands that the invention came not by way of surprise, but intention. The cold brew came out of the idea for the refrigerator, the idea of the refrigerator did not come out of a mere wish for a cold brew. How many people in history did not invent the refer?
The refrigerator came by way of a super-physical cause, and a solitary example kills the notion that reality is a pure physicalist determinism. Reality is not and could never have been or be a pure physical determinism. Physicalism is misinformation. Philosophic materialism is dis-information. If we still care to pursue the hope of a full determinism to a higher cause, to a super-super-physical cause, we would be considering something more outrageous than the super-physical cause we were trying to avoid with physicalism in the first place! I defend your freedom to try! Between an absurdity and a hypothesis for an outrageous double-determinism, naturally sits (if by faith/e and amidst the unknown,) self-determination in self-ordinating idealism. “Game over” for the physicalist is not “game over” for the idealist. There remains hope for science. And artists have copious evidence that creation is a personal affair, so scientists stand a chance at a soft landing to boot.
Philosophy does positively confirm personalism too.² Fulfilling philosophy confirms that You bring apriori everything you really-really need to (buy-in and) play “the game.” Logically prior to any experience, you come equipped for not it. I am apriori complex (phenomenal and noumenal), and I am apriori plural. I~am: apriori complex (“L”) and apriori plural (“4.”)
You know that not it where two people each hold one of those huge air-filled balls to their chests, and then they run into each other? Just to Be how they be when they fly off thereafter. Life really do be like that! That’s really as good an image as I have to depict the seeping (through cracks of fundamental uncertainty) into reality (everywhere, all at once) of all eternity. That seepage provides the spark, the bounce, the inclination to-co-of observation; physics accounts for the (a-temporal) “flights” in and out, what’s observable. But that whole clip can seep into reality everywhere, all at once, “undetected.” Without breaking any unbreakable laws. Because the inherent uncertainties are those demanded apriori by self-determining persons, in general. As outrageous as ideas seem when elevated to ontological stature and Real causal potency, they are the only candidate left for science to try at this juncture: pure physicalist determinism being ruled out and the last hope of any non-self determinism knocked out on the mat being counted down as we speak. Art breathes naturally the air of freedom in faith/e!
Discussion:
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I've sent over 100,000 cold emails in the last 6 months. Here are the core pieces to the first email in any of my sequences:

1. Keep subject line relevant to prospect, it should hit on a REAL painpoint.
2. Include a metric you've improved for a company, or case study. e.g. [Namedrop biggest company you've worked with] saved X after implementing our Y.]
3. Use 100 words or less.
4. Stay away from corporate speak/sales talk. And definitely no alliterations!
5. End with CTA that requires NO EFFORT on prospect's side other than responding with "yes" or "sure". This is important, if you drop your calendly link you're making them do the work. REMOVE THE FRICTION FOR THEM!
6. No blocks of text. With keeping it under 100 words, this should be easy. And don't bore them. Try making it more concise after writing, and do this a few times. You'll never write the best version on the first draft.
7. Write at a 5th-grade level. If you don't know what this looks like, use GPT. Using big words will just add friction to readers.

Hope this helps :)

Alliteration
Let us begin with something we know Shakespeare stole, simply so that we can see what a wonderful thief he was. When Shakespeare decided to write The Tragedie of Anthonie, and Cleopatra he of course needed a history book from which to work. The standard work on the subject was Plutarch's Lives of the Noble Greeks and Romans, but Plutarch wrote in Greek, and, as Shakespeare's friend Ben Jonson later pointed out, "thou hadst small Latin and less Greek."
Despite years at Stratford Grammar School learning pretty much nothing but the classics, Shakespeare could never be bothered with foreign languages. He always used translations.
So he got hold of the standard English translation of Plu- tarch, which had been written by a chap called Thomas North and published in 1579. We know that this is the version
Shakespeare used because you can sometimes see him using the same word that North used, and sometimes pairs of words. But when Shakespeare got to the big speech of the whole play, when he really needed some poetry, when he wanted true greatness, when he wanted to describe the moment that Antony saw Cleopatra on the barge and fell in love with her he just found the relevant paragraph in North and copied it out almost word for word. Almost word for word. Here's North:
she disdained to set forward otherwise but to take her barge in the river Cydnus, the poop whereof was of gold, the sails of purple, and the oars of silver, which kept stroke in rowing after the sound of the music of flutes, howboys, cithernes, viols, and such other instru- ments as they played up in the barge.
And here's Shakespeare:
The barge she sat in like a burnished throne, Burned on the water: the poop was beaten gold; Purple the sails and so perfumed that The winds were lovesick with them; the oars were silver, Which to the tune of flutes kept stroke, and made The water which they beat to follow faster, As amorous of their strokes.
The thing about this is that it's definitely half stolen. There is no possible way that Shakespeare didn't have North open on his desk when he was writing. But also, Shakespeare made little changes. That means that we can actually watch Shakespeare working. We can peep back 400 years and see the greatest genius who ever lived scribbling away. We can see how he did it, and it's really pretty bloody simple. All he did was add some alliteration.
Nobody knows why we love to hear words that begin with the same letter, but we do and Shakespeare knew it. So he picked the word barge and worked from there. Barge begins with a B, so Shakespeare sat back and said to himself: "The barge she sat in was like a..." And then (though I can't prove this) he said: "Ba... ba... ba... burnished throne." He jotted that down and then he decided to do another. "The barge she sat in like a burnished throne... ba...ba... burned? It burned on the water." And the poop was gold? Not any more: the poop was beaten gold. That's four Bs in two lines. Enough to be getting on with. Shakespeare could have got carried away and written something like:
The barge she basked in, like a burnished boat Burned by the banks, the back was beaten brass.
But that would just be silly. Of course, Shakespeare did write like that sometimes. There's a bit in A Midsummer Night's Dream that goes:
Whereat, with blade, with bloody blameful blade, He bravely broached his boiling bloody breast; But there he was taking the mickey out of poets who use alliteration but don't know where to stop. No, Shakespeare wasn't going to put any more Bs in, he was working on the P North's original had "the poop whereof was of gold, the sails of purple." That's two Ps already, so Shakespeare decided that the sails would be pa... pa... perfumed. Maybe he stopped to wonder how you would perfume a whole sail, or how you might be able to smell them from the river bank (the Cydnus is quite wide). Or maybe he didn't. Accuracy is much less important than alliteration.
From there on in, Shakespeare was coasting. North had "After the sound" so Shakespeare had "to the tune." North had a whole orchestra of instruments "flutes, howboys, cithernes, viols"-Shakespeare cut that down to just flutes, because he liked the F. So flutes made the "Water Which they beat to Follow Faster, As Amorous of their strokes."
So Shakespeare stole; but he did wonderful things with his plunder. He's like somebody who nicks your old socks and then darns them. Shakespeare simply knew that people are suckers for alliteration and that it's pretty damned easy to make something alliterate (or that it's surprisingly simple to add alliteration).
You can spend all day trying to think of some universal truth to set down on paper, and some poets try that. Shake- speare knew that it's much easier to string together some words beginning with the same letter. It doesn't matter what it's about. It can be the exact depth in the sea to which a chap's corpse has sunk; hardly a matter of universal interest, but if you say, "Full fathom five thy father lies," you will be considered the greatest poet who ever lived. Express precisely the same thought any other way-e.g. "your father's corpse is 9.144 metres below sea level" and you're just a coastguard with some bad news.
Any phrase, so long as it alliterates, is memorable and will be believed even if it's a bunch of nonsense. Curiosity, for example, did not kill the cat. There are no widely reported cases of felines dying from being too inquisitive. In fact, the original proverb was not "curiosity killed the cat" (which is recorded only from 1921), it was "care killed the cat." And even that one was changed. When the proverb was first recorded (in Shakespeare, actually, although he seems to be just referring to a well known bit of folk wisdom), care meant sorrow or unhappiness. But by the twentieth century it was care in the sense of too much kindness-something along the lines of a pet that is overfed and pampered. In a hundred years' time it may be something else that does the pussy- killing, although you can be certain that whatever it is- kindness, consternation or corruption-will begin with a C or K.
Similarly, there was once an old proverb, "An ynche in a misse is as good as an ell," an ell being an old unit of mea- surement of 1.1 miles. So the ell was changed to a mile, and then the inch was dropped because it doesn't begin with an M, and we were left with "A miss is as good as a mile," which, if you think about it, doesn't really make sense any
more. But who needs sense when you have alliteration? Nobody has ever thrown a baby out with the bathwater, nor is there anything particularly right about rain. Even when something does make a bit of sense, it's usually deve ous why the comparison was picked. It takes two to tang but it takes two to waltz as well. There are whole hogs, b why not pigs? Bright as a button. Cool as a cucumber. Dead as a doornail. In fact, Dickens made this point rather bette than I at the opening of A Christmas Carol.
Old Marley was as dead as a door-nail.
Mind! I don't mean to say that I know, of my own knowledge, what there is particularly dead about a door- nail. I might have been inclined, myself, to regard a coffin-nail as the deadest piece of ironmongery in the trade. But the wisdom of our ancestors is in the simile, and my unhallowed hands shall not disturb it, or the Country's done for. You will therefore permit me to repeat, emphatically, that Marley was as dead as a door-nail.
Except that Dickens knew full well why it is doornails that are dead. Dickens was a writer, and as a writer, he knew that alliteration is the simplest way to turn a memorable phrase. This was, after all, the guy who had written Nicholas Nick- leby, The Pickwick Papers (full title: The Posthumous Papers of the Pickwick Club) and, indeed, A Christmas Carol. He knew which side his bread was buttered, as had those who came before him, like Jane Austen (Sense and Sensibility, Pride and Prejudice), and those who came after him (Where's Wally?) So popular is alliteration that in the 1960s it actually made a grab for political power. In the 1960s a vast radical youth movement began campaigning to do things for the sole reason that they began with the same letter. Ban the bomb. Burn your bra. Power to the people. For a moment there it seemed as though alliteration would change the world. But then the spirit of idealism faded and those who had manned the barricades went off and got jobs in market- ing. They stopped telling people to ban the bomb and started telling them to put a tiger in your tank, chuck out the chintz and use Access-Your Flexible Friend, or perhaps PayPal. And all because the lady loves Milk Tray.
It's enough to get your goat.¹
Alliteration can be brief and obvious-a short, sharp, shock. Or it can be long and subtle. John Keats once wrote fourteen lines of Fs and Ss, and it was beautiful:
Deep in the shady sadness of a vale Far sunken from the healthy breath of morn, Far from the fiery noon, and eve's one star, Sat gray-hair'd Saturn, quiet as a stone, Still as the silence round about his lair; Forest on forest hung about his head Like cloud on cloud. No stir of air was there, Not so much life as on a summer's day Robs not one light seed from the feather'd grass, But where the dead leaf fell, there did it rest. A stream went voiceless by, still deadened more By reason of his fallen divinity Spreading a shade: the Naiad 'mid her reeds Press'd her cold finger closer to her lips.
Whereas, at almost the same time, Thomas De Quincer famous junkie and prose stylist, got himself all muddled up over this sentence:
At present, after exchanging a few parting words, and a few final or farewell farewells with my faithful female agent.
So muddled was he that he decided to add a footnote apolo- gising for his paroemion (that's the technical name for exces- sive alliteration). The footnote went:
Some people are irritated, or even fancy themselves insulted, by overt acts of alliteration, as many people are by puns. On their account, let me say, that, although there are here eight separate f's in less than half a sentence, this is to be held as pure accident. In fact, at one time there were nine f's in the original cast of the sentence, until I, in pity of the affronted people, substi- tuted female agent for female friend.
"Agent" seems a strange substitution for "friend." But he probably had to do it as he couldn't change "farewell fart wells." It's much too clever to use a word as an adjective and then a noun. In fact, the trick has a name. It's called polyptoton.
​
Own Explanation:
why are not vowels used in alliteration
Consonant sounds tend to create sharper, more distinct sounds compared to vowels, which are produced with less constriction of airflow.
​
explain alliteration in one lineChatGPTChatGPT
Alliteration is the repetition of consonant sounds in close proximity within a phrase or sentence.
​
"The Wizard of Oz" (1939), in the scene where the Scarecrow sings his song "If I Only Had a Brain":
"I'd unravel every riddle For any individ'le In trouble or in pain."
The repeated "r" sound in "ravel," "riddle," "individ'le," and "trouble" demonstrates alliteration, creating a rhythmic and memorable quality to the lyrics.
​
"The Shining" (1980), directed by Stanley Kubrick. In one of the iconic scenes, Jack Torrance, played by Jack Nicholson, types the same sentence repeatedly on his typewriter:
"All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy."
This sentence showcases alliteration with the repeated "w" sound in "work" and "play," as well as the repeated "d" sound in "dull" and "boy." The use of alliteration in this context adds to the eerie and unsettling atmosphere of the film.
​
"Jurassic Park" (1993), directed by Steven Spielberg. In the scene where Dr. Ian Malcolm, played by Jeff Goldblum, is discussing chaos theory, he says:
"Life, uh, finds a way."
The repeated "f" sound in "finds" and "way" creates alliteration in this memorable line.
​
​
"Goldfinger" (1964), there's a famous line delivered by the character Auric Goldfinger, played by Gert Fröbe:
"Do you expect me to talk?"
To which James Bond, portrayed by Sean Connery, responds:
"No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die."
The repeated "e" sound in "expect" and "me" creates alliteration in this intense exchange.
​
"The Dark Knight" (2008), the character Harvey Dent, played by Aaron Eckhart, delivers a line with alliteration:
"You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain."
The repeated "h" sound in "hero" and "yourself" creates alliteration in this memorable quote.
​

Previous post

The crack of doubt

But enough commiseration. The poet has made the nest and must squat in it whilst the vermin seethe and swarm up the crack of doubt and into fickle talent’s crotch. Look then, upon Calap Roud, the elder statesman of Reliant City’s rotundary of artists, each of whom sits perched in precarious perfection well above the guano floor of the cage (oh of course it is gilded). This is Calap’s twenty-third journey across the Great Dry of inspiration’s perdition, and he is yet to win the Mantle.

Remember how the last paragraph ended? "Pity them all" Flicker said, but he's not giving us any time to do so as he immediately declares that that one moment was enough commiseration. Interestingly Flicker again places himself outside of the situation of the other artists. It's not commiseration if it's for yourself after all.
Then he treats us to just an incredible mental image, which I confess I'm reluctant to unpack. He declares that the artists themselves are to blame for their own situation. It's their lack of solidarity that makes their life so difficult. So we have this nest, but looking forward it should rather be called a cage. And they have to squat (shit) there while vermin (the weasels from last week) swarm up the "crack of doubt" and "fickle talent's crotch". I do enjoy the alliteration on "seethe" and "swarm" and the one with "crack" and "crotch". Very visceral sounds going on here.
It's a lot. I read this as those who lack any talent trying to latch onto those with middling, or fickle, talent. You can't paint a much more pathetic image of desperation than this. If anyone has a different read on this I'd love to hear it
(Sidenote: I now see that that the "squirming snarling thing" from last week is definitely meant to be a double entendre, especially remembering forward to the manifestation of the Indifferent God that we'll see much later)
But those are the small fry at the bottom of the cage. Calap Roud, our subject for today, is in a very different situation as a statesman of the "rotundary" of artists. Now, "rotundary" is, as far as I can gather, not actually a word, but that shouldn't stop us from figuring out what it means. The -ary ending, especially in this context, is clearly evoking words like "aviary", a confined space where you keep birds¹. So this must be a confined space where you keep... artists. The "rotund" part of it is more confusing to me. It means "round" or "spherical", obviously, but I struggle to see the relevance of that. Is it a reference to body weight? Are the elder statesmen all very corpulent? I doubt it, since there aren't any mentions that I can recall of Calap being especially fat. Or is it perhaps an alternative to a round table? I.e. a round cage. A cage where all the artists are equal, but nonetheless caged?
Of course Calap and the other elder statesmen are not in equal position to the other artists. But perhaps this is a jab at the supposed meritocracy of art. That artistic genius does not lead to success, and that you can have success without any kind of genius.
But we can concretely say that there is some sort of high council among the artists in Reliant City, and Calap is one of the elder statesmen there. The elder statesmen enjoy greater luxuries, but they're still caged. Notice also the triple alliteration on "perched", "precarious" and "perfection". These words are certainly more "sophisticated" than the previous alliterations we saw in this paragraph. And notice the "precarious" perfection of the statesmen. They seem perfect, but it seems that it doesn't take much to drag them down into the mud.
I also love how Flicker points out that the cage is gilded only as an afterthought. It almost reads like he got interrupted by someone asking and is annoyed at having to even mention that. It's also him being self-aware that the gilded cage is a complete cliché, and therefore he didn't want to mention it.
Calap has made this journey many times, but has never won, but the more interesting part here is the phrase "the Great Dry of inspiration's perdition". Flicker-kel-Tath observed two weeks ago that when they "passed the old tumulus" they were in a sense going past death, making this story purgatorial in a sense. I hadn't made that connection, but here, only a couple of posts later, I'm already seeing a payoff to that. "Perdition" is a word with religious connotation, referring to hell and damnation. Is this journey therefore a sort of artistic purgatory? Or is it simply the belief of the artists that if they win the Mantle they can be inspired/redeemed? Is it a metaphor for writer's block? I think there is a lot to unpack with this and I feel like I'm only seeing the surface here. Does anyone have any thoughts on this?

Putting the man in the mantle

Indeed, in his wretchedly long life, he draws close upon the century himself. One might even claim that Calap Roud is the Mantle, though none might leap for joy at the prospect of taking him home, even for a fortnight. There is a miserable collection of alchemies available to the wealthy and desperate (and how often do those two thrash limbs entwined in the same rickety bed?) to beat off the three cackling crows of old age, death, and ambitions dusty bowl, and Calap Roud remains a sponge of hope, smelling of almonds and cloves and lizard gall-bladders.

So Calap Roud is old old. His life is called out as being "wretchedly" long, which tells us much about Flicker's opinion of him (or perhaps just the general consensus on him). And Calap is so old, and has tried to win so often that Flicker straight up compares him to the Mantle itself. Here Flicker is essentially stating that Calap is the end state of an artist who wins that competition. No matter how young and cool and fresh they might be, they'll end up as Calap. And clearly, nobody seems very interested in that fate.
Calap has also been having some facelifts (or the magical equivalent of them). Wealth and desperation are compared, and indeed Flicker implies that they go hand in hand more often that not, via one of his trademark sexual metaphors. It's certainly not a romantic image that he paints, with the rickety bed and thrashing limbs. This is definitely not meant to sound sexy.
Flicker tells us of the three cackling crows (note the alliteration) of old age, death, and "ambitions dusty bowl". The last one is the most interesting here. A dusty bowl implies that it's been empty for some while. It also brings to mind the Dust Bowl, which fits with this metaphor. A land that was once fertile turned into a wasteland where nothing grows. And these crows are cackling, as if mocking the artist.
But Calap remains a "sponge of hope". It's implied that this is a result of the alchemies, but I also just like referring to him as a sponge of hope. A sponge drains liquid from it's surroundings, and Calap Roud drains hope from those around him. And he does it while smelling of "almonds and cloves" (normal) and "lizard gall-bladders", which are a sign of some desperation on his part. I can't imagine they smell good.
This week is (I think) a bit shorter than usual, and next week will be a bit longer. Part of the challenge of this is finding logical ways to split up the text, and Calap Roud's introduction was five paragraphs with the longest one being in the middle. So we'll be finishing up with Calap Roud next time. See you next week!
¹It recalls the nightingales we saw in Flicker's garden in the prelude. In fact, we were the nightingales in that scene, and notably, those nightingales were not caged. They were free.
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Edit: Oh, shoot. I'm in MI. Grand Rapids area.
Hiya! I'm a novelist, nerd, and geek. I've always loved learning about topics from astrophysics to anarchism and philosophy (the field of my B.A.) to psychology. Is it still alliteration if the "P's" are silent? Like a pterodactyl using the bathroom.
I have issues with the MBTI, but "Extraverted" (even though I "recharge" alone), "iNtuitive," "Feeling," and "Prospecting"—"improvising," kinda—are decent descriptors for me. I'm tall and thin but not swole. Photo available upon request.
I take care of myself within meager means (Social Security Income for disability). With my hemiparesis (weakness on my left side, I couldn't change a diaper. I value skepticism, secularism, and humanism, so I wouldn't fit well with someone religious or conservative.
If you're a geeky nerd (or nerdy geek!) open to something besides a providehousewife dynamic, please feel free to shoot me a DM!

^{(Yu-Gi-Oh voice}) It's time to n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-name!
Let's get creative! I love all of the "name a sibset with names starting with ABCDE.." games, and I always do them, but I feel like I end up reusing the same names for all of them. SO. Let's play a game with rules that are a little more specific/unusual, hoping to rule out some of the names I always use and see and make this game just a little harder!

1. Name a set of siblings with names that relate to their circumstances of birth (i.e. names that mean twin, first born, born on a Sunday, etc). You choose the genders AND the amount of siblings, since it may affect the names you can use! Middle names should be some form of the name John, to honor their father - but can't actually be John. (Think how Etienne is a form of Stephen).
2. Name a set of three siblings - an older brother with two younger sisters - with names related to mythical creatures or cryptids. Middle names should be fantasy related.
3. Name quadruplets - two girls, two boys - with names that relate to the sea. Middle names should be place names.
4. Name three boys with virtue names, but the names can't be English words (i.e. Faith is a no-go, but Iman, which means faith, would work). Middle names should be the names of famous examples of the virtue in the first name!
5. Name a set of siblings - two girls and a boy - names that relate to fruits or vegetables. Middle names should be related to sugar or dessert!
6. Name an alliterative set of siblings - three of them, you choose the genders - names that start with the following letters, respectively: X, Y, and Z. Their middle names should each start with the same letter as their first name - hence the alliteration! Let's give these underutilized letters some love!
7. Name a pair of siblings - one girl, one boy - with names that would usually be assigned to the opposite gender. Not traditionally gender-neutral names, but specifically a girl with what's usually a boy name, and a boy with what's usually a girl name. It can work! Middle names should have some connection with spookiness - think occult, think Halloween, think horror movies, think Addam's Family, etc.

I am posting this without having come up with my own answers yet - those will come in the comments. Let's play!

The world operates based on natural laws, not human-made theories, unless those theories are actually reflections of naturals laws, such as most theories in the natural science, e.g. the theory of relativity.
However, in the social sciences and other domains, theories are overrated and based on ego. They typically have the name of the "theorist" who comes up with it. This is irrelevant: the truth is natural laws of the universe, any single individual is irrelevant. If you create a theory, sure, you should get some recognition, but I think it goes too far. For example, everyone knows "Freud" as the grand authority figure in psychology, and many even refer to the type of psychotherapy he created as "Freudian" psychotherapy. However, most of his ideas were wrong (though I am not taking anything against him, he was clearly intelligent given what he had to work with and made enormous contributions to the field), and ultimately it doesn't matter which small set of atoms coined a theory, all that matters is that humanity as a whole increases their knowledge of the natural laws of the universe.
A lot of theories come from the need or desire to have a theory in the first place (and the fame/self satisfaction/other benefits that come from it), which biases the theory/makes the person subconsciously assume their assumptions are correct, when in fact they did not check them adequately.
In formal education, theories are taught to students using the silo approach: a bunch of mainly unconnected theories even within the same domain. In reality, that is not how the world operates: the world operates based on natural laws, and everything works in unison. I understand that it is more practical to start off teaching theory to students, but I find that the education system doesn't ever really get past this/there is little to no integrative of theories to demonstrate how concepts work in the real world. Furthermore, the higher you go in education, the narrower your domain of expertise becomes. People erroneously think that PhDs are authority figures in their field, but in reality a master's is far more useless for general knowledge about a field; in most fields a PhD primarily consists of extremely subspecialized knowledge surrounding the specific thesis/dissertation topic. This is called the appeal to authority bias/fallacy. The education system also fails to teach and nurture critical thinking, so unfortunately there are a lot of specialists with advanced degrees who can't connect basic concepts together any better than a layperson.
Our society also places too much emphasis on IQ. Yet I have found that above a certain level (about average), an increase in IQ tends to be useful in limited domains, primarily certain scientific/mathematical specialized fields. Experts in cognitive psychology have also demonstrated that IQ is hardly associated with better critical thinking skills:
On a related note, I wanted to mention the dangers of language. I will do my best to communicate this part though it is a little difficult to clearly convey my point. Language obviously sets humans apart from animals and has led to great advantages. However, it can also be detrimental, by sidetracking us away from the truth/universal laws of nature. If you agree with determinism, and focus on how people use language, you would notice this. If you agree with determinism, you will logically infer that a lot of what we say is nonsense/it comes to us via automatic associates between one word and another word, and a thought and a word and vice versa. I see this issue with news articles: they use a lot of fancy words and cute writing techniques such as alliteration, but typically substance is lacking. Or the author automatically, without realizing it, makes several conclusions, which clearly comes either from their own biased/previous thinking or unproven accepted social conclusions.
Then they add words that reinforce these unproven conclusions. For example, I am making this up as it is just an example but a news article can say something like "antidepressants are overrated" then they can give an example of an antidepressant that caused severe side effects, then they can quote someone who said the side effects were rare, but the author of the article may have a subconcious bias and write something like "but even if they are rare, they over overprescribed anyways." I see this type of "reasoning" all the time, but in reality, they are meaningless statements or semi-relevant at best, they don't have the correct context and are not relevant.
E.g. in the antidepressant example above, the issue at had was the severity of side effects, not whether antidepressants as a whole are overprescribed or not. Yet the author uses language like "but even".. which is an example of subconscious bias, which will then sway the reader, usually without the reader realizing it. We are exposed to these kinds of biases and fallacies on a daily basis: virtually everything we read or every person who we listen to is full of them, usually unaware of it themselves. So all of this influences our thoughts and ideas on everything. So a lot of what we think we know is untrue or untested, but we assume it is correct. Then when we talk about the issue ourselves, we unintentionally make the same mistake.
People also do this when they are justifying their actions. How many times have you heard of "X person did y... I mean I am not perfect and also did something similar to y but I would neeeeeever do yyyy". Yet this is typically a meaningless statement, because the person saying it has never been put in the same situation/had the same context/other experiences as the other person, and they will not know/cannot judge until put in the exact same or a similar enough situation. We all operate with subconcious bias in this regard.

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The Century's Greatest Artist competition

Seeking the shrine of an altogether different Indifferent God, we come at last to the poets and bards. Ahead, in the city of Farrog, waited the Festival of Flowers and Sunny Days, a grand fete that culminated in a contest of poetry and song to award one supremely talented artist the Mantle proclaiming him or her The Century’s Greatest Artist. That this is an annual award, one might hesitantly submit, simply underscores the fickle nature of critics and humans alike.

Finally we get to the artists. Here we are told that there is indeed a distinction between the Indifferent God that the artists are seeking and the Indifferent God that the true pilgrims are seeking. Though remember that they are, as was established earlier, one and the same.
This is where the idea of the Indifferent God starts getting really juicy. The artists here are seeking to please an audience that doesn't care, and they're willing to travel great distances to do so.
As Flicker sets the scene for their destination, he gives us a flurry of alliteration: Farrog, Festival, Flowers, fete¹. The "Sunny Days" part of the title is great, because it's so over the top jovial. It's like the person who named it was so eager and excited that the name of the festival loses all it's poetry half-way through. It's obnoxiously cheery, which of course provides a very funny contrast with the real situation of the artists.
This festival is explained in increasingly breathless tones, culminating in the reveal that the winner will be no less than the Century's Greatest Artist! Wow! That's incredible! Well, until you read the punchline in the next sentence, which is that it's an annual award. This joke is one of my favorites in the novella. It builds up this incredible image, then immediately undercuts it. This definitely reads like a jab at award ceremonies in the arts. It's something that everyone talks about as if it's the most important thing ever, but they really don't matter all that much in the grand scheme of things, and they certainly do not tell you which artists are the ones who will be remembered in a century.
The lukewarm excuse he gives is great too, emphasizing the subjectivity in these assessments. Who is the Century's Greatest Artist? Well, surely that's an answer that changes with time, and not because of new artists arriving on the scene, but because of changing tastes. This line is so characteristic of Flicker's style, lambasting something by doing the opposite.

It's rough out there

The world of the artist is a warrened maze of weasels, to be sure. Long bodies of black fur snake underfoot, quick to nip and snick. One must dance for fame, one must pull up skirts or wing out carrots for an instant’s shudder of validation or one more day’s respite from the gnawing world. Beneath the delighted smiles and happy nods and clasped forearms and whatnot, resides the grisly truth that there is no audience grand and vast enough to devour them all. No, goes the scurrilous conviction, the audience is in fact made up of five people, four of whom the artist knows well and in so knowing trusts not a single utterance of opinion. And who, pray tell, is that fifth person? That stranger? That arbiter of omnipotent power? No one knows. It is torture.

Once again, Flicker paints a rather bleak image of the life of the working artist. It is a "warrened maze of weasels", with the artists being depicted as quick to backstab and shove others out of the way for a chance at glory. He then compares it to prostitution; pulling up skirts, and "winging out carrots" (that's one way to phrase it), which precedes the "instant shudder", i.e. having someone validate your work.
I must make a quick note of the alliteration in the first sentence: world, warrened and weasels. This is, again, typical of Flicker when he's not giving concrete descriptions. The phrase "gnawing world" is also interesting, as it clearly relates to the "maze of weasels" we were just discussing. Is it perhaps that the whole world is comprised of weasels? Or is it that the respite you get is a respite from the world of artists, and not from the challenges of daily life?
We then discuss the aftermath of the performance, with delighted smiles, happy nods, etc. I love that casual "and whatnot". It shows how dismissive Flicker is of the whole thing. It's fluff and he knows it. And he sees that under the surface the artist is never satisfied. There is no audience that can truly and fully understand and appreciate your art. And the "scurrilous² conviction" knows that barely anyone even shows up. That conviction is the dark part of an artist's psyche. The insecurity, impostor syndrome or whatever you want to call it.
The comment about the majority of the audience being close friends of the artist, and therefore completely unreliable arbiters, hits very close to home. As a performing artist myself, I've definitely experienced that. But the funniest part is the fifth audience member who nobody knows, and that uncertainty is even worse than having those unreliable opinions. That stranger holds all the power, since their opinion actually matters to the artist. And because the artist doesn't know them, that's even worse. I just love this impossible scenario that Flicker has set up here. There's really no winning for the artist.
I like how Flicker here uses a lot of really short clauses, often in the form of a list. It makes this paragraph feel very rambling, but in a good way. It's underscored by the casual tone of this paragraph compared to the previous one. The previous paragraph was all about setting the scene. Here, he is indulging in a small digression about the realities of being an artist, something that is very close to his heart.

Too many cooks

But one thing is certain. Too many artists for one person. Therefore, every poet and every painter and every bard and every sculptor dreams of murder. Just to snap hand downward, grasp hard the squirming snarling thing, and set it among one’s foes!
In this respect, the artists so gathered in this fell group of travelers, found in the truth to come an answer to their most fervent prayers. Pity them all.

And that of course leads to the obvious conclusion, which is that artists would much prefer it if there were fewer of them. I think this especially speaks to the current milieu where it seems artistic aspirations are everywhere. Of course in the real world this is due to mass media. With greater access to both the creation and distribution of art than ever before in history, it seems that everyone wants to be an artist. But perhaps it is only that the commercially unsuccessful artists of the modern day are more visible than previously. The stereotype of the starving artist dates back centuries after all. But I have to imagine that a fair few of them would feel like if there were simply fewer artists then they would finally get their big break.
Of course, this story gives us the brutal reality that would result from such actions. The monkey's paw curls etc. Because of course, if killing your competition is fair game, then that means you might be next.
Now let's back away and appreciate the writing here. First we get two short, strong statements. One thing is certain. Too many artists. The problem is laid out as clearly as it can be. Then we get the recounting of all these different kinds of artists (an incomplete list, but the types of artists unmentioned are surely implied). I love the repeated use of "every". It's another polysyndeton (thanks, Loleee) with every element in this list being punctuated with "and every". It could have been written as "every poet, painter, bard, and sculptor", but that feels a lot more summary. This way really emphasizes each group, and it emphasizes just how many people we're talking about.
I admit that for a brief moment I thought that the mention of the hand "snapping downward and grasping hard etc." was a reference to a penis (and this is probably very intentional on Erikson's part, considering the previous section. But no, here I think the "squirming snarling thing" is the metaphorical weasel from earlier. I also love the onomatopoeia here. The listing of the artists is slow and meandering, and then we get the super quick "snap hand" and "grasp hard" (and notice that he doesn't use any pronouns here, speeding the prose up even more). It's like a seething hatred that suddenly reaches a boiling point.
And then it all ends with Flicker reminding us to pity the poor, shortsighted artists in this group. Who were so willing to eat their own. We'll talk about that a lot more I'm sure.
Which concludes this week's post. Next time we'll be talking about one Calap Roud, a most venerable artist that I'm sure Flicker will go easy on. See you all next week!
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¹ Other notable examples of alliteration include seeking and shrine, and culminate and contest
² I'm pretty sure scurrilous here refers to being malicious or defamatory rather than vulgar