Can coreg and singulair medicines be taken together
Retinoid Support Group (tretinoin / retin-a, adapalene, differin, etc NOT retiNOLS or Accutane)
2014.05.07 00:08 Galahad_Lancelot Retinoid Support Group (tretinoin / retin-a, adapalene, differin, etc NOT retiNOLS or Accutane)
A place to discuss retinoids including tretinoin / retin-a, adapalene, differin, tazarotene, and trifarotene (NOT retiNOLs or Accutane). Stay moisturized!!
2011.06.03 08:45 plutonick Hamsters
A subreddit dedicated to all things hamster related.
2021.01.30 20:11 sundaran1122 ReportNeeded
here you can post about youtube channels that need to be reported, we can work together and get them taken down.
2024.05.16 23:12 KyleKKent OOCS, Into A Wider Galaxy, Part 005
~First~
A Scion of Many Worlds
Observer Wu was not sure about this next call. There had been rumours, rumours stories and absurdities from first to last. But this was one he would need to investigate thoroughly. He steels his face to a neutral position as the call goes through.
“You’re on a drone observing. I am working.” Is the first thing that comes through. A voice simultaneously deep but accompanied with a chorus of tingling bells. The image shows an enormous figure that appears to be primarily composed of shimmering white fur looking over the 3D model of a building as he directs things through the air with his right hand. Support structures, beams and building materials all soar at his direction and quickly slam themselves into place to quickly construct a large structure. “I am capable of speaking as I work, so if you have questions then ask them.”
“I am Observer Wu from Earth. I am looking for Mister Blue.
“I am one of the Blues.” The enormous figure states. “Jasper Blue, also Emmanuel Skitterway.”
The camera zooms in before something white catches onto it and it’s forced back. “Apologies, the drone is not of the best quality.”
“I would assume that a... God Emperor would have better?”
“I am directing these resources into infrastructure. Things like this sewage processing plant will not build themselves and the components that the camera drone requires are better spent ensuring that pathogens are kept out of the water, or that a medical scanner has appropriate redundancies.” Emmanuel replies as the panelling to the outside of the building start attaching itself at his direction and they’re quickly left with a solid looking structure with numerous tanks to the side.
“Alright the building is finished! Painters! Have your way with it!” He calls out and numerous people rush up with decorating supplies. “There is more for me to do. While many of the relief ships arrived with prefabricated buildings there was an unfortunate and nearly universal blindspot in their considerations.”
“Which is?”
“That while the world is settled by many respects, it was at a late iron age level at best, borderline tribal in other areas. Sewage treatment and sanitation concerns like that are simply not in their proper place. Every major and minor settlement requires a massive overhaul of it’s infrastructure in order to bring the living standards up to even industrial levels, let alone galactic levels.” Emmanuel states.
“This seems rather menial for someone ostensibly in charge of an entire planet.”
“Delegation. I have any communications and status updates relayed to me through that pursuing drone, it’s a hand’s free system, so while it is not always at one hundred percent satisfaction it allows me to lead while I also work. After all, many of the legislative concerns can be easily taken care of by my numerous assistants, but only a handful of people have the sanitation know how and willingness to work and put together sewage containment.”
“A little demeaning for one worshipped as a god.”
“I am a Primal. I’m going to be regarded as such whether I indent a throne with an ever widening rear or gunk out sewer lines, and of the two only one of them actually makes things better.” Emmanuel dismisses.
“Really. Yet you’re still not getting dirty.”
“I could do things less efficiently to look like I’ve been working hard, but honestly it’s all in the Axiom. The truth of the matter is that sewer work with even just a small amount of technology is more boring than dirty.” Emmanuel states before turning, the camera turns with him. It now shows where an entire army of workers are installing the pipes and systems for a proper sewage network. “Still, not bad eh? One year ago this place was an abandoned wreck of a smaller city. The population all but mind controlled by a group of religious fanatics who convinced them to abandon their homes and any dignity. They’ve come a long way since.” Emmanuel states.
“Have they?”
“This was the Greenstone Alliance Territory, a breakaway state from The Empire of Miru. To them the cannon was the military innovation rocking the nation.”
“I see...”
“Now they get air conditioning, indoor plumbing, heating in the winter, canned food for the leaner months, telephones to speak with their loved ones over a distance, radio for alerts and entertainment and far more.” Emmanuel states as he indicates an antenna being set up.
“All that?” Observer Wu remarks. “You seem a little... involved for a supposed god.”
“There are two so called gods on this world.” Emmanuel replies. “I, who have personally conquered much of it, wheeled and dealed with other nations and proved myself as warrior and leader both, and Yserizan. Yserizan is either the mother, grandmother or great grandmother of at least a quarter of the world population.”
“And your relationship to this Yserizan?”
“One of my wives. Our union was also a unification of Lablan as a single strong point on this world and...”
“What’s this?” A new voice asks and the camera reorients to a young woman with glowing golden hair.
“Just a camera drone, nothing to be concerned about.” Emmanuel states.
“Oh. So it’s watching us?”
“Yes.”
“And the image of the person on top of it?”
“The person watching.”
“Who is he?”
“Observer Wu.”
“And why is an Observer needed?”
“Do you recall whenever Earth or the Origins of Humanity are discussed?”
“A little? Every time I seem to get a little bit more education it just lets me see how much more there is.”
“Oh that’s very normal.” Emmanuel replies.
“If I may be introduced?” Observer Wu asks.
“I am Empress Zaviah Enlightened Luxen Divine Ascendant, ruler of Miru Reborn.”
“Miru Reborn is?”
“One of the largest empires upon Lakran. Consisting of Central Miru, The Greenstone Territories of Northern Miru and The Goldlands Unification of Southern Miru. Our population is primarily Erumenta of all types, but other peoples are of course welcome.”
“And what brought about this rebirth?” Observer Wu asks and his eyebrows go up as Zaviah points right at Emmanuel.
“Heh, guilty. Everywhere I turned the planet seemed to just be full of more and more problems that needed to stop sometime ten years ago and no one else was available. So I did the best I could.”
“And then broke armies, nations and all known limits upon people.”
“All presently known limits, what I did is only impressive when it’s weighed in that I started with only Horace’s memories and didn’t even understand how an Urthani body fully worked at the time.” Emmanuel states.
“Yes. I read that report. It was absurd.”
“It was accurate. We have all the parties involved to attest for it here on planet if you care to speak with them.” Emmanuel notes as he checks a device and nods. “All right, next is...”
“Break.” Zaviah tells him.
“Excuse me.”
“Grandmother has given ME the authority to force you into rest father!” Zaviah says with relish in her tone.
“She wouldn’t!”
“She has! If I see that you’re working too hard I can tell you to stop.”
“You do know she legally has no such authority over me right?” Emmanuel asks pointing a diamond plated claw at the comparatively tiny Erumenta who’s grinning widely at this.
“Yes, but she’ll be so disappointed that her little boy isn’t taking care of himself anymore even though he promised to and...”
“It was a mistake working so hard to make the two of you friends.” Emmanuel says in a note of false despair. “Just a moment I’ll instruct the work crew on the next few communities to proceed without me.”
“That sounds like work.”
“A text to go with Plan B rather than Plan A is not work, it’s good manners.” Emmanuel protests and raises an eye ridge as a much smaller girl tries to glare him down. “Are you sure you want to put so much force into your day by day interactions while...”
A tiny dark shape slams into Zaviah to the Erumenta’s audible protest as Magrica starts gushing about how cute it is for the little girl to finally have some grit in her gut and how she’s going to braid her hair and take her monster hunting and get her a battleaxe to go with that attitude...
Emmanuel turns to the politely puzzled Wu and shrugs.
“Motherhood does amazing things to some women. Magrica was much more openly fierce before, but she decided that all my children, adopted and otherwise, were hers to teach and nurture into proper warriors.”
“And how did she take the fact that you are technically the step parent of a quarter of the world’s population if what you told me about Yserizan is correct?”
“She has an entire squadron of Nagasha she’s training to be monster hunters. It’s actually going pretty well. The Jungle Nagasha are really appreciating it more than the other types, but the few Cloud Nagasha they have as scouts and aerial reconnaissance are fully embracing the role.”
“And how are you taking to... godhood?” Observer Wu asks his eyes penetrating.
“It grows more comfortable unfortunately.”
“Unfortunately.” Wu repeats. Not questioning, but certainly prompting.
“I’ve had to put aside my own prejudices in the matter. Humans have a bad track record with self proclaimed gods and messiahs. Too many fakes and too many holy wars. To say nothing of the cults, witch-hunts and the like. And Urthani would follow any number of faiths, but the divine figure was either some kind of Divine Truth, a more abstract theology, gods that embody concepts or something animist for the most part.”
“Did you look to The Nagasha for a better example?”
“I did, and that’s what caused me to grow more comfortable with the title. Primal Nagasha aren’t worshipped in the way humans would a prohet or saint. Seeing them as nigh infallible. No, a Primal Nagasha is simply the very best that a Nagasha can be and it can neither be stopped nor denied. While most of them are indeed leaders to follow, authorities to obey or the sources of philosophy to accept, they are not regarded as unquestionable or infallible.”
“And that is what helped?”
“It is. I was terrified that someone would misinterpret me, either honestly or malevolently, and cause immense damage in my name. A crusade to cull any politician that isn’t in the military through fire and steel, or an Urthani Colony deciding that they deserve the entire world and since not only have the strength now, but a god of their own, that they are righteous in slaughter... I had several kinds of nightmare when I let my mind wander.”
“And?” Wu prompts.
“I had a conversation. An important one with an important person. She helped me put everything in perspective. But she’s not the type to appreciate too much attention. So she’s requested I keep things quiet. But, I can say that she is an authority on the subject. And she had a fair amount to say.”
“So you’ve spoken to other so called gods of the serpent people.”
“Primal Nagasha, and yes. One has arrived already, she lives her life as quietly as she can. Another is soon to arrive. The first wanted my measure, the second wants to ensure that as a more militaristic Primal that I’m up to standard as she calls it.”
“Oh?”
“I’m part of the smallest stable demographic in the galaxy. Primals. Apparently we’re a very self policing people.”
“So in other words, you’re more a celebrity in multiple fields than some object of worship?”
“Closer to actual worship than celebrity worship I’m afraid. Still, it’s not mindless, and those that are looking for an excuse... well they’ll find another one if it’s not me. At least if someone’s trying to use my name to do something horrible it means I have all moral authority to let them know how stupid such a thing is.”
“I suppose that is an upside to an insane cult deciding that it wants to go on a rampage in your name.”
“But that’s just the thing I really had to internalize, if they’re going to do that, then they’re going to do it and I’m just their excuse. They’ll find another if I’m not available. I’m responsible for the example I set, the actions I do and the things I say. I am not responsible for how they are interpreted.”
“Interesting. Still, is there a reason you’re sharing this in particular?”
“I figured the most distressing thing that Earth would consider about my situation was my rise into divine stature. A powerful soldier can be understood, a powerful politician or businessman can also be understood, but someone being regarded as a god can not be understood within a positive context thanks to the rather terrible history of such on Earth.” Emmanuel says.
“That... is an interesting concern. However, you do not think your conquering an entire world to be a bad thing?”
“Considering that it was basically in unending war, competition and self sabotage? Yes. You see, this world was suffering over an unending brain drain due to the fact that all male colonists were lost in the initial crash of the colony ship. There were surviving males, but they were in stasis and could not be retrieved. The method that was used to ensure there would be a future population was flawed, intended as an emergency stopgap. But they didn’t have the means to move past it. So it was used over and over again. This world was nearing the breaking point.”
“And that justifies conquering it?”
“When the nation states are tearing themselves apart through mindless pride? Scheming for the sake of scheming? Or are outright predating the other states? Yes, yes it does. To not intervene would have killed, far, far more people.”
“So you justify things by saying that thye will thank you some day?’
“They thank me now.”
“And it’s sincere?”
“Yes, considering that I’ve had a woman weep with relief at getting something as simple as a pair of glasses, or another outright beg for her child and herself to be healed of the degeneration they’ve suffered. How can I consider it anything but sincere?” Emmanuel asks.
“Oh? Who are you speaking with?” A new voice asks before a massive serpent woman slithers into Wu’s field of view. Her hood is fully flared out to reveal her as Lady Yserizan as she regards things. “A human friend?”
“An Observer from earth, they’re struggling to believe all the things they’ve been told.”
“Considering some mornings I wake up scarcely believing how my life has changed for the better I don’t blame them.” Yserizan notes happily. “Still, is there anything this... Observer wants to know in particular?”
“In particular I want to know many things. I’m just saying my first hello and listening to whatever anyone wants to say to me. I’ll be visiting that world before I return to Earth so make of that what you will.” Observer Wu says.
“Of course, it might be interesting to show you the temple my daughters made for me.”
“I will admit, receiving a tour of a living god’s temple from the god themselves will be a new experience for me.” Observer Wu admits.
~First~ Last
submitted by KyleKKent to HFY [link] [comments]
A Scion of Many Worlds
Observer Wu was not sure about this next call. There had been rumours, rumours stories and absurdities from first to last. But this was one he would need to investigate thoroughly. He steels his face to a neutral position as the call goes through.
“You’re on a drone observing. I am working.” Is the first thing that comes through. A voice simultaneously deep but accompanied with a chorus of tingling bells. The image shows an enormous figure that appears to be primarily composed of shimmering white fur looking over the 3D model of a building as he directs things through the air with his right hand. Support structures, beams and building materials all soar at his direction and quickly slam themselves into place to quickly construct a large structure. “I am capable of speaking as I work, so if you have questions then ask them.”
“I am Observer Wu from Earth. I am looking for Mister Blue.
“I am one of the Blues.” The enormous figure states. “Jasper Blue, also Emmanuel Skitterway.”
The camera zooms in before something white catches onto it and it’s forced back. “Apologies, the drone is not of the best quality.”
“I would assume that a... God Emperor would have better?”
“I am directing these resources into infrastructure. Things like this sewage processing plant will not build themselves and the components that the camera drone requires are better spent ensuring that pathogens are kept out of the water, or that a medical scanner has appropriate redundancies.” Emmanuel replies as the panelling to the outside of the building start attaching itself at his direction and they’re quickly left with a solid looking structure with numerous tanks to the side.
“Alright the building is finished! Painters! Have your way with it!” He calls out and numerous people rush up with decorating supplies. “There is more for me to do. While many of the relief ships arrived with prefabricated buildings there was an unfortunate and nearly universal blindspot in their considerations.”
“Which is?”
“That while the world is settled by many respects, it was at a late iron age level at best, borderline tribal in other areas. Sewage treatment and sanitation concerns like that are simply not in their proper place. Every major and minor settlement requires a massive overhaul of it’s infrastructure in order to bring the living standards up to even industrial levels, let alone galactic levels.” Emmanuel states.
“This seems rather menial for someone ostensibly in charge of an entire planet.”
“Delegation. I have any communications and status updates relayed to me through that pursuing drone, it’s a hand’s free system, so while it is not always at one hundred percent satisfaction it allows me to lead while I also work. After all, many of the legislative concerns can be easily taken care of by my numerous assistants, but only a handful of people have the sanitation know how and willingness to work and put together sewage containment.”
“A little demeaning for one worshipped as a god.”
“I am a Primal. I’m going to be regarded as such whether I indent a throne with an ever widening rear or gunk out sewer lines, and of the two only one of them actually makes things better.” Emmanuel dismisses.
“Really. Yet you’re still not getting dirty.”
“I could do things less efficiently to look like I’ve been working hard, but honestly it’s all in the Axiom. The truth of the matter is that sewer work with even just a small amount of technology is more boring than dirty.” Emmanuel states before turning, the camera turns with him. It now shows where an entire army of workers are installing the pipes and systems for a proper sewage network. “Still, not bad eh? One year ago this place was an abandoned wreck of a smaller city. The population all but mind controlled by a group of religious fanatics who convinced them to abandon their homes and any dignity. They’ve come a long way since.” Emmanuel states.
“Have they?”
“This was the Greenstone Alliance Territory, a breakaway state from The Empire of Miru. To them the cannon was the military innovation rocking the nation.”
“I see...”
“Now they get air conditioning, indoor plumbing, heating in the winter, canned food for the leaner months, telephones to speak with their loved ones over a distance, radio for alerts and entertainment and far more.” Emmanuel states as he indicates an antenna being set up.
“All that?” Observer Wu remarks. “You seem a little... involved for a supposed god.”
“There are two so called gods on this world.” Emmanuel replies. “I, who have personally conquered much of it, wheeled and dealed with other nations and proved myself as warrior and leader both, and Yserizan. Yserizan is either the mother, grandmother or great grandmother of at least a quarter of the world population.”
“And your relationship to this Yserizan?”
“One of my wives. Our union was also a unification of Lablan as a single strong point on this world and...”
“What’s this?” A new voice asks and the camera reorients to a young woman with glowing golden hair.
“Just a camera drone, nothing to be concerned about.” Emmanuel states.
“Oh. So it’s watching us?”
“Yes.”
“And the image of the person on top of it?”
“The person watching.”
“Who is he?”
“Observer Wu.”
“And why is an Observer needed?”
“Do you recall whenever Earth or the Origins of Humanity are discussed?”
“A little? Every time I seem to get a little bit more education it just lets me see how much more there is.”
“Oh that’s very normal.” Emmanuel replies.
“If I may be introduced?” Observer Wu asks.
“I am Empress Zaviah Enlightened Luxen Divine Ascendant, ruler of Miru Reborn.”
“Miru Reborn is?”
“One of the largest empires upon Lakran. Consisting of Central Miru, The Greenstone Territories of Northern Miru and The Goldlands Unification of Southern Miru. Our population is primarily Erumenta of all types, but other peoples are of course welcome.”
“And what brought about this rebirth?” Observer Wu asks and his eyebrows go up as Zaviah points right at Emmanuel.
“Heh, guilty. Everywhere I turned the planet seemed to just be full of more and more problems that needed to stop sometime ten years ago and no one else was available. So I did the best I could.”
“And then broke armies, nations and all known limits upon people.”
“All presently known limits, what I did is only impressive when it’s weighed in that I started with only Horace’s memories and didn’t even understand how an Urthani body fully worked at the time.” Emmanuel states.
“Yes. I read that report. It was absurd.”
“It was accurate. We have all the parties involved to attest for it here on planet if you care to speak with them.” Emmanuel notes as he checks a device and nods. “All right, next is...”
“Break.” Zaviah tells him.
“Excuse me.”
“Grandmother has given ME the authority to force you into rest father!” Zaviah says with relish in her tone.
“She wouldn’t!”
“She has! If I see that you’re working too hard I can tell you to stop.”
“You do know she legally has no such authority over me right?” Emmanuel asks pointing a diamond plated claw at the comparatively tiny Erumenta who’s grinning widely at this.
“Yes, but she’ll be so disappointed that her little boy isn’t taking care of himself anymore even though he promised to and...”
“It was a mistake working so hard to make the two of you friends.” Emmanuel says in a note of false despair. “Just a moment I’ll instruct the work crew on the next few communities to proceed without me.”
“That sounds like work.”
“A text to go with Plan B rather than Plan A is not work, it’s good manners.” Emmanuel protests and raises an eye ridge as a much smaller girl tries to glare him down. “Are you sure you want to put so much force into your day by day interactions while...”
A tiny dark shape slams into Zaviah to the Erumenta’s audible protest as Magrica starts gushing about how cute it is for the little girl to finally have some grit in her gut and how she’s going to braid her hair and take her monster hunting and get her a battleaxe to go with that attitude...
Emmanuel turns to the politely puzzled Wu and shrugs.
“Motherhood does amazing things to some women. Magrica was much more openly fierce before, but she decided that all my children, adopted and otherwise, were hers to teach and nurture into proper warriors.”
“And how did she take the fact that you are technically the step parent of a quarter of the world’s population if what you told me about Yserizan is correct?”
“She has an entire squadron of Nagasha she’s training to be monster hunters. It’s actually going pretty well. The Jungle Nagasha are really appreciating it more than the other types, but the few Cloud Nagasha they have as scouts and aerial reconnaissance are fully embracing the role.”
“And how are you taking to... godhood?” Observer Wu asks his eyes penetrating.
“It grows more comfortable unfortunately.”
“Unfortunately.” Wu repeats. Not questioning, but certainly prompting.
“I’ve had to put aside my own prejudices in the matter. Humans have a bad track record with self proclaimed gods and messiahs. Too many fakes and too many holy wars. To say nothing of the cults, witch-hunts and the like. And Urthani would follow any number of faiths, but the divine figure was either some kind of Divine Truth, a more abstract theology, gods that embody concepts or something animist for the most part.”
“Did you look to The Nagasha for a better example?”
“I did, and that’s what caused me to grow more comfortable with the title. Primal Nagasha aren’t worshipped in the way humans would a prohet or saint. Seeing them as nigh infallible. No, a Primal Nagasha is simply the very best that a Nagasha can be and it can neither be stopped nor denied. While most of them are indeed leaders to follow, authorities to obey or the sources of philosophy to accept, they are not regarded as unquestionable or infallible.”
“And that is what helped?”
“It is. I was terrified that someone would misinterpret me, either honestly or malevolently, and cause immense damage in my name. A crusade to cull any politician that isn’t in the military through fire and steel, or an Urthani Colony deciding that they deserve the entire world and since not only have the strength now, but a god of their own, that they are righteous in slaughter... I had several kinds of nightmare when I let my mind wander.”
“And?” Wu prompts.
“I had a conversation. An important one with an important person. She helped me put everything in perspective. But she’s not the type to appreciate too much attention. So she’s requested I keep things quiet. But, I can say that she is an authority on the subject. And she had a fair amount to say.”
“So you’ve spoken to other so called gods of the serpent people.”
“Primal Nagasha, and yes. One has arrived already, she lives her life as quietly as she can. Another is soon to arrive. The first wanted my measure, the second wants to ensure that as a more militaristic Primal that I’m up to standard as she calls it.”
“Oh?”
“I’m part of the smallest stable demographic in the galaxy. Primals. Apparently we’re a very self policing people.”
“So in other words, you’re more a celebrity in multiple fields than some object of worship?”
“Closer to actual worship than celebrity worship I’m afraid. Still, it’s not mindless, and those that are looking for an excuse... well they’ll find another one if it’s not me. At least if someone’s trying to use my name to do something horrible it means I have all moral authority to let them know how stupid such a thing is.”
“I suppose that is an upside to an insane cult deciding that it wants to go on a rampage in your name.”
“But that’s just the thing I really had to internalize, if they’re going to do that, then they’re going to do it and I’m just their excuse. They’ll find another if I’m not available. I’m responsible for the example I set, the actions I do and the things I say. I am not responsible for how they are interpreted.”
“Interesting. Still, is there a reason you’re sharing this in particular?”
“I figured the most distressing thing that Earth would consider about my situation was my rise into divine stature. A powerful soldier can be understood, a powerful politician or businessman can also be understood, but someone being regarded as a god can not be understood within a positive context thanks to the rather terrible history of such on Earth.” Emmanuel says.
“That... is an interesting concern. However, you do not think your conquering an entire world to be a bad thing?”
“Considering that it was basically in unending war, competition and self sabotage? Yes. You see, this world was suffering over an unending brain drain due to the fact that all male colonists were lost in the initial crash of the colony ship. There were surviving males, but they were in stasis and could not be retrieved. The method that was used to ensure there would be a future population was flawed, intended as an emergency stopgap. But they didn’t have the means to move past it. So it was used over and over again. This world was nearing the breaking point.”
“And that justifies conquering it?”
“When the nation states are tearing themselves apart through mindless pride? Scheming for the sake of scheming? Or are outright predating the other states? Yes, yes it does. To not intervene would have killed, far, far more people.”
“So you justify things by saying that thye will thank you some day?’
“They thank me now.”
“And it’s sincere?”
“Yes, considering that I’ve had a woman weep with relief at getting something as simple as a pair of glasses, or another outright beg for her child and herself to be healed of the degeneration they’ve suffered. How can I consider it anything but sincere?” Emmanuel asks.
“Oh? Who are you speaking with?” A new voice asks before a massive serpent woman slithers into Wu’s field of view. Her hood is fully flared out to reveal her as Lady Yserizan as she regards things. “A human friend?”
“An Observer from earth, they’re struggling to believe all the things they’ve been told.”
“Considering some mornings I wake up scarcely believing how my life has changed for the better I don’t blame them.” Yserizan notes happily. “Still, is there anything this... Observer wants to know in particular?”
“In particular I want to know many things. I’m just saying my first hello and listening to whatever anyone wants to say to me. I’ll be visiting that world before I return to Earth so make of that what you will.” Observer Wu says.
“Of course, it might be interesting to show you the temple my daughters made for me.”
“I will admit, receiving a tour of a living god’s temple from the god themselves will be a new experience for me.” Observer Wu admits.
~First~ Last
2024.05.16 23:09 VolkerBach Ox Tongue Pastry (c. 1550)
 | https://www.culina-vetus.de/2024/05/16/ox-tongue-pastry/ submitted by VolkerBach to CulinaryHistory [link] [comments] A very spicy pastry, and the last such recipe in Philippine Welser’s collection. We are finally going to move on into fritters. https://preview.redd.it/lk6bytn3tu0d1.jpg?width=1000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=596f67ef6d2cf40f01cfe270bb0903d859b46690 89 To make an ox tongue pastry Take the tongue and boil it so it becomes nicely tender (fein marb). Then cut it thinly and make pieces of it. Stick each piece with 2 cloves. Spices: ginger, cloves, and nutmeg. Cut them very small and take salt and mix them together. Put it into the pastry crust and make it tall. Always lay one piece on another, and let there be spices inbetween. Take ox fat and chop it small and put it in. Let it bake for an hour. When it has baked for an hour, take half a semel loaf and toast it so it turns brown. Put this into red wine with sugar and ginger and nutmeg added. Let it boil up and try it to see if it is good. Pour it into this pastry and then let it bake fully. The tongue was a prized piece of meat and though we do not have many recipes, those we have are often elaborate and expensive. This one certainly is: Cooked tongue sliced, stuck with an enormous amount of cloves, then spiced, baked in a pastry, and finally covered in a rich, sweet sauce. I am not sure I would actually enjoy this, but I can see why it was popular. Philippine Welser (1527-1580), a member of the prominent and extremely wealthy Welser banking family of Augsburg, was a famous beauty of her day. Scandalously, she secretly married Archduke Ferdinand II of Habsburg in 1557 and followed him first to Bohemia, then to Tyrol. A number of manuscripts are associated with her, most famously a collection of medicinal recipes and one of mainly culinary ones. The recipe collection, addressed as her Kochbuch in German, was most likely produced around 1550 when she was a young woman in Augsburg. It may have been made at the request of her mother and was written by an experienced scribe. Some later additions, though, are in Philippine Welser’s own hand, suggesting she used it. The manuscript is currently held in the library of Ambras Castle near Innsbruck as PA 1473 and was edited by Gerold Hayer as Das Kochbuch der Philippine Welser (Innsbruck 1983). |
2024.05.16 23:02 punkbish Tips and a very honest analysis of why I failed the bar two times before passing the third time.
It took me three attempts to pass the bar exam and here is what I did differently that seemed to help.
Again, I couldn't sleep the nights before the exam because I didn't think I was ready, even though I had done about 10 practice MPTS, 50 practice Essays, and built an impressive collection of study guides, outlines, and flashcards. I did not have a panic attack during the exam this time, but I did make a rookie mistake and waste a bunch of time formatting an MPT answer (self-sabotaging unintentionally?) I received a 255. I drank, cried, puked, ate dumplings, moped around, took a week off work, then picked myself up and got my shit together.
I started going to therapy in March. I read The Mountain is You and Fck The Bar. I listened to podcasts about the science of learning and memory retention. I saw more sunshine. I drank much less. In May, I built a realistic but aggressive study schedule that coordinated with my work schedule. My boss agreed to give me a month off before the bar exam. I had weekly meetings with the Bar Instructor from my University. I started the first month with ten multiple-choice questions per day and 1-2 Essays. I kept a log of the questions that I got wrong and WHY I got them wrong. I was anxious, but things were going well and I was determined.
But then, shit really hit the fan. One of my best friends died out of fucking nowhere. I took a week off to fly home for his funeral, which I ended up organizing because his family was barely keeping it together. I came back to work and told my boss I couldn't do it but he pushed me to keep going. Thank the lord.
I got it together. I focused on staying positive, which somehow I was only able to do with an odd grief-stricken nihilism. This is a test. This is just a stupid test and we could die at any moment. It finally clicked for me: I still am valuable if I can't pass this exam and I can't waste my time being alive beating myself up for my failures. Maybe some of you already learned this in your childhood, but I didn't learn it until this summer.
I bought the John Grossman videos and adaptibar. I drilled multiple-choice questions, totaling 1,300. I reviewed my progress tracking document with all the questions I missed each night. I didn't drink during the week. (I'll share the schedule if it's of interest) I had two accountability buddies who asked me what I learned each day. I went to bed early, ate well, went running - I took care of myself because if you spiral, the money-hungry study programs and examiners win. The day before the exam, I stopped studying at two pm, though I was told not to study at all. I drank tea, played video games, and embarrassingly I had a little weepy grief moment at my professor's kitchen counter where I was staying. But I went to bed saying, "This is just a fucking test and it doesn't define me. I could die any moment and I don't deserve to punish myself. Whatever happens will happen." I had no panic attacks. I finished all of my essays. I was a grizzled veteran in a room full of first-time takers.
And I passed: 272. I cried and jumped for joy, which terrified my dog.
So here's the point: It's just a test. You've taken so many tests to get here. You can pass this one. I promise. Build a good study schedule, get the John Grossman videos, be honest with yourself about why you haven't passed so far, drill multiple choice, make a running document of the questions that you miss and review it each night, get lots of sleep, go to therapy to make sure your mental health isn't the reason you're not passing, and most importantly, remember that you could die at any moment so don't make yourself suffer. If you need to take time off to fix something emotional or internal, there is no shame in that, but knowledge builds and success here requires vigilant wellness and consistent practice.
You can do this. I promise.
submitted by punkbish to barexam [link] [comments]
July 2022
The first time I coasted through Barbri videos while planning my wedding, then I was shocked to receive a 257 (insert eyeroll at overly confident and naive past self). I only did 700 Multiple Choice and I didn't understand some concepts, but I hoped I could skirt through like some of my peers. What killed me though was my anxiety. I didn't sleep for two days before the exam and I had two panic attacks during the writing day so I left two essays only half finished and one of my MPT's sucked. Also, because I was so tired, I missed HUGE issues. What I'm saying is that, in hindsight, I absolutely deserved that 257. I hadn't done enough hard work and I hadn't worked on the parts of myself that were self-destructive (procrastination, multi-tasking, anxious-avoidant habits).Feb 2023
The second time I was so embarrassed and depressed about failing the first time, I self-sabotaged again. I had to work full time so I had to start studying immediately and aggressively, but I didn't take rest days or do anything to take care of my mental health. Instead, I drank too much and watched a lot of Sisterwives while building a massive color-coated outline. The outline was great, but I didn't ACTIVELY study enough. I did about 900 multiple-choice questions and reviewed the Barbri videos on the topics I didn't understand. Some of the lecturers would go on tangents that were not helpful, which made me panic about wasted time, then angrily pour myself a tequila soda. so stupid. (Sidenote: this was also my first Alaska Winter and I was unprepared for the Alaska version of seasonal depression)Again, I couldn't sleep the nights before the exam because I didn't think I was ready, even though I had done about 10 practice MPTS, 50 practice Essays, and built an impressive collection of study guides, outlines, and flashcards. I did not have a panic attack during the exam this time, but I did make a rookie mistake and waste a bunch of time formatting an MPT answer (self-sabotaging unintentionally?) I received a 255. I drank, cried, puked, ate dumplings, moped around, took a week off work, then picked myself up and got my shit together.
July 2023
Now I was really in my head. I couldn't stop thinking about that stat that suggests the more times you take the bar the less likely you are to pass. I started to think I was an idiot that my law school had bamboozled me into giving them federal loan money even though they knew I was too stupid to pass. I started to do a lot of introspection here. I knew the material after the second attempt, but I couldn't get the points. I had blown off friends, family, my husband, my life for over a year and I was struggling to stay positive with the looming debt and continued failures.I started going to therapy in March. I read The Mountain is You and Fck The Bar. I listened to podcasts about the science of learning and memory retention. I saw more sunshine. I drank much less. In May, I built a realistic but aggressive study schedule that coordinated with my work schedule. My boss agreed to give me a month off before the bar exam. I had weekly meetings with the Bar Instructor from my University. I started the first month with ten multiple-choice questions per day and 1-2 Essays. I kept a log of the questions that I got wrong and WHY I got them wrong. I was anxious, but things were going well and I was determined.
But then, shit really hit the fan. One of my best friends died out of fucking nowhere. I took a week off to fly home for his funeral, which I ended up organizing because his family was barely keeping it together. I came back to work and told my boss I couldn't do it but he pushed me to keep going. Thank the lord.
I got it together. I focused on staying positive, which somehow I was only able to do with an odd grief-stricken nihilism. This is a test. This is just a stupid test and we could die at any moment. It finally clicked for me: I still am valuable if I can't pass this exam and I can't waste my time being alive beating myself up for my failures. Maybe some of you already learned this in your childhood, but I didn't learn it until this summer.
I bought the John Grossman videos and adaptibar. I drilled multiple-choice questions, totaling 1,300. I reviewed my progress tracking document with all the questions I missed each night. I didn't drink during the week. (I'll share the schedule if it's of interest) I had two accountability buddies who asked me what I learned each day. I went to bed early, ate well, went running - I took care of myself because if you spiral, the money-hungry study programs and examiners win. The day before the exam, I stopped studying at two pm, though I was told not to study at all. I drank tea, played video games, and embarrassingly I had a little weepy grief moment at my professor's kitchen counter where I was staying. But I went to bed saying, "This is just a fucking test and it doesn't define me. I could die any moment and I don't deserve to punish myself. Whatever happens will happen." I had no panic attacks. I finished all of my essays. I was a grizzled veteran in a room full of first-time takers.
And I passed: 272. I cried and jumped for joy, which terrified my dog.
So here's the point: It's just a test. You've taken so many tests to get here. You can pass this one. I promise. Build a good study schedule, get the John Grossman videos, be honest with yourself about why you haven't passed so far, drill multiple choice, make a running document of the questions that you miss and review it each night, get lots of sleep, go to therapy to make sure your mental health isn't the reason you're not passing, and most importantly, remember that you could die at any moment so don't make yourself suffer. If you need to take time off to fix something emotional or internal, there is no shame in that, but knowledge builds and success here requires vigilant wellness and consistent practice.
You can do this. I promise.
2024.05.16 22:44 Crazy_Set_7520 How do you accept that you hurt someone you love(d)?
Hi Break Up thread,
I broke up with my boyfriend of 3.5 years, one month ago. He was my best friend. We lived together and I have never spent as much time with someone other than my parents in my life. I am an only child. He was my first real boyfriend.
I broke up due to constant arguing and fighting. And although he would never give up on us I also felt he wasn’t really looking for fair solutions in the end. He was depressed and it appeared I wasn’t helping. He could be really mean to me over trivia at times but I also wasn’t there for him when he needed me at times. It felt like he was begging for more from me but I couldn’t/didn’t want to fulfill. Yet we both truly loved each other and of course have wonderful memories and a genuine connection.
I struggle to accept my decision and its’ outcome in many ways because I know I broke a man’s heart when he was struggling (depression…although he always had it, it seemed to be getting worse). And I also gave up on “us” in the end. I had said to him many times that I will do better at being there for him and I will try harder for our relationship, but in the end I cut it off which means I also broke a promise. I feel he needs to get professional help beyond my means because I often felt like his punching bag. HOWEVER, I could have pushed for him to get counselling a lot more and really put effort into helping him but I didn’t. I didn’t even realise this until now.
My friends say he could get counselling but things could still be the same between us or end up the same (arguing for hours, tension, resentment etc). And that’s true too. In the end, I didn’t want to take the risk and waste more time by staying with him. But instead I’ve taken a different risk by leaving and it’s not so much the risk that is eating me up but it’s knowing that he is now struggling even more because of my choice and no longer being with me. I know he really just wanted me to be there for him and loved my company. But his need to control this became his undoing. Yet I still wouldn’t say I am super happy about my choice. It hurts to lose someone you love.
How are you all dealing with these feelings? Especially if you’re the dumper. I really wanted him to do the dumping as it would have made it easier for me personally to deal with. But things can never be scripted/planned can they.
submitted by Crazy_Set_7520 to BreakUps [link] [comments]
I broke up with my boyfriend of 3.5 years, one month ago. He was my best friend. We lived together and I have never spent as much time with someone other than my parents in my life. I am an only child. He was my first real boyfriend.
I broke up due to constant arguing and fighting. And although he would never give up on us I also felt he wasn’t really looking for fair solutions in the end. He was depressed and it appeared I wasn’t helping. He could be really mean to me over trivia at times but I also wasn’t there for him when he needed me at times. It felt like he was begging for more from me but I couldn’t/didn’t want to fulfill. Yet we both truly loved each other and of course have wonderful memories and a genuine connection.
I struggle to accept my decision and its’ outcome in many ways because I know I broke a man’s heart when he was struggling (depression…although he always had it, it seemed to be getting worse). And I also gave up on “us” in the end. I had said to him many times that I will do better at being there for him and I will try harder for our relationship, but in the end I cut it off which means I also broke a promise. I feel he needs to get professional help beyond my means because I often felt like his punching bag. HOWEVER, I could have pushed for him to get counselling a lot more and really put effort into helping him but I didn’t. I didn’t even realise this until now.
My friends say he could get counselling but things could still be the same between us or end up the same (arguing for hours, tension, resentment etc). And that’s true too. In the end, I didn’t want to take the risk and waste more time by staying with him. But instead I’ve taken a different risk by leaving and it’s not so much the risk that is eating me up but it’s knowing that he is now struggling even more because of my choice and no longer being with me. I know he really just wanted me to be there for him and loved my company. But his need to control this became his undoing. Yet I still wouldn’t say I am super happy about my choice. It hurts to lose someone you love.
How are you all dealing with these feelings? Especially if you’re the dumper. I really wanted him to do the dumping as it would have made it easier for me personally to deal with. But things can never be scripted/planned can they.
2024.05.16 22:42 JojoDindebut The Syzygy of Self and Other
 | https://i.redd.it/q6hqarvdou0d1.gif submitted by JojoDindebut to subbredit [link] [comments] The original meaning of the word 'syzygy' (pronounced 'SIS-uhjee') is that of 'a pair of oxen yoked together'. The word 'syzygy' itself comes to us from the Greeks, and in addition to its literal meaning it meant either marital or sexual union. Further figurative use of the word is found among certain Gnostics, who used the concept to express their own dualistic ideas. Their Aions, for instance, were male and female deities combined in one—hermaphroditic deities called Syzygies. Here, however, the term 'syzygy' is used to denote the general concept of "a pair of opposites, united in their opposition". A syzygy, in other words, is equivalent to a complementarity. What is more, a special complementarity—the Syzygy of Self and Other—is here taken to be the ontic equivalent of the materialistic Void, the "ground state of the Universe" that early physicists also called the Vacuum. This fundamental "nothingness" of Physics turns out to be an infinitely powerful field of virtual energy. And the Syzygy, in its fullest (dynamical) sense, is the philosophic counterpart of this physical concept—the metaphysical analog of the physical ground of the Universe. Unfortunately, that's about all we can know about the Syzygy, due to its profoundly primordial role. Even though it is equivalent to the ground of existence (in particular, the ground of our personal existence), it is ultimately so far removed from our own personal experience as to be virtually beyond conception. Of course, this does not rule out altogether our knowing it, since—as it is real and it is our foundation—this "ground" is perhaps accessible through something like Gnosis/Bodhi/Intuition/ Meditation/LSD/etc. These, however, are private pathways to knowledge, and the personal experiences we have along these paths are not objective and communicable. The best we can do for our rational, objective understanding is to give analogies that we can understand, analogies that exemplify the structure that the Syzygy must posess in order to serve as an ontological foundation of the Cosmos and its physical components. https://i.redd.it/z6lokpljpu0d1.gif For modern philosophy, the fundamental concepts (or rational principles) upon which human understanding rests are the so-called Categories of Philosophy. Here, these are 1) the Hermeneutic; 2) the Ontological; and 3) the Cosmological Cateogories, all shown on the right. As we see it, these major areas of concern effectively define Metaphysics, a subject that, since the time of Descartes, has entailed two principle fields of research— Ontology and Cosmology—in its study of the notion of Being in general (Ontology) and of the specific Beings that exist (Cosmology). In our interpretation, the two lower Categories are just the Ontological and Cosmological Categories: here called Force and Form. Each of these natural Categories is parsed in terms of a Syzygy; and in fact this Syzygy itself is the main Category (see illustration). Consequently, these two subfields of Metaphysics (Ontology and Cosmology) are themselves depicted here as triadic Categories. The main ideas involved in the explication of these triadic Categories are discussed in detail in what follows. https://i.redd.it/xu9mac6tpu0d1.gif All understanding begins with one basic Category, the Hermeneutic Category, which is here assumed to be a Syzygy. A Syzygy, as we know, entails two ideas: Duality and Polarity. A Duality, naturally enough, is simply a pair of opposites (such as Yes/No), whereas a Polarity adds a third component to the pair, a new element that conspires to unite the dualistic opposites. That is, in a Polarity the dual opposites are mediated by a "polar" element lying between the opposites, thus serving to mediate between the two extremes of the Duality. In the general form of the Syzygy displayed here, the Duality is the opposition of Self and Other. For the Polarity, the third element—the Logos, seen at the apex of the triangle—unites the opposites displayed at the two ends of the base. Admittedly, not all Dualities are Polarities, for some opposites exist without a third between them; our categorial Syzygy, however—which is represented here as both a triangle (with three corners) or as a pair of dots (the Duality) connected by a line (the Pole)—constitutes a true Polarity. This Syzygy thus entails both of two general forms of Relation—the dyadic and the triadic forms—as well as the simplest form of what we now call a System. A System is defined, roughly, as "many elements working together", and in the Syzygy the Logos serves the specific purpose of uniting the Opposites. The Logos thus represents the linkage between any two things that are somehow related. In many cases, the Logos is just the relationship itself, but that is only because the relationship is not always physically distinct from the two things that are related. This is precisely the situation in the syzygy of marriage, in which two people are united by means of a civil agreement. https://i.redd.it/jqpe79hxpu0d1.gif The Ontological Category is the fundamental concept for understanding the nature of physical (as opposed to merely formal) being. This category—here called Force—is parsed in terms of the quantum mechanical complementarity of Energy and Time, and represents that "je ne se qua" that is tantamount to the impermeability of physicality. In terms of the categorial triad (and in accord with modern Physics), Force is defined as "the time rate-of-change of energy" (that is, as the Transformation of Energy through Time). And analogously in Ontology, Force represents the active, dynamic physical aspect of Being: that which allows for (and is tantamount to) that mysterious quality of "the tangibility of specific beings". The complementarity of Energy and Time, then, permits the free creativity of Nature or Physis, in which of course any actuality of Energy is possible if it occurs quickly enough, but which is less likely the longer the aspect of Time comes into play. For instance, any of the particle/anti-particle pairs of standard Physics may spontaneously erupt from Energy "borrowed" from the Void and manifest as virtual particles, but they must quickly anihilate each other before symmetry-laws (conservation-laws) are broken. In fact, under this scenario, whole "Universes" may spontaneously erupt into Time-reversible existence, as long as they do so very briefly (to put it mildly). And ultimately even "permenant" universes—Universes that involve Time-irreversible processes, as is the case for our universe—may be produced in this way, as long as the total Energy borrowed from the Void amounts to zero (as Physics defines this). And this is precisely the case for our own universe. The last of the three Categories of Philosophy, the Cosmological Category, reflects the nature of the Hermeneutic Category—as did its counterpart: the Ontological Category (for, of course, all are parsed in terms of a Syzygy). At the same time, the Cosmological Category conforms to the findings of Physics, and as a result this Category—called Form, and represented by Information and Space—has its Syzygy fleshed out in terms of the Invariance of Information (or Form) throughout all of Space. According to modern Physics, this symmetry of Space gives rise to all physical stabilities that derive from the conservation properties of Space itself. These spatial symmetries are related to the concept of Duality (as, in fact, is symmetry in general), which has recently been recognized as being a fundamental concept. In Logic, which lies at the foundation of all Western knowledge, Duality is a fundamental Form. And in Physics, all elementary components (with exception of the Higgs Boson) participate in the dance of wave and particle dualities. From the photon to the primary Quarks—u and d, Up and Down—and the primary Leptons—e and n, the Electron and the Neutrino—not to mention their Antimatter counterparts—the Positron and the anti-quarks—everything is dualistic. Consequently we must admit that the dichotomy embodied in this Duality of our theories of Quantum Fields lies at the heart of all physical systems, and this includes the largest structures as well as the smallest. Such articles as the December 1994 Scientific American article The Duality in Matter and Light and the January 1996 article Explaining Everything underscore this point. https://i.redd.it/oib0wky0qu0d1.gif Not surprisingly, perhaps, the three Categories of Philosophy—the Syzygy, Force, and Form—provide us with all that we need to develop a hermeneutic appreciation, and thereby the beginning of a metaphysical explanation, of the physical creation of the universe. Admittedly, these Categories are parsed in terms of several concepts, and all of these concepts taken together do form quite an arsenal of ideas. Nevertheless, it is also true that these concepts are merely variations on the theme of the Hermeneutic Category. Our explanation, then, rests upon the smallest of assumptions: the System of systems is a Syzygy of syzygies. According to Physics, the self-gravitating Void—which is the backstory, as it were, as well as the backdrop, of all physical systems—is constantly fluctuating, although the typically symmetrical nature of these fluctuations gives the Void the over-all appearance of vacuity, of nothingness. In all actuality, however, as Physics also informs us, this so-called Void is in fact a seething plenum, a caldron of creativity, and this eternal creativity is constantly erupting—fluctuating and exuding—and thereby evolving into various physical systems. For the most part, the natural tendency toward symmetry usually manages to maintain the emptiness of the Void (or at least it keeps things merely virtual). Occasionally, however—and through sheer serendipity, according to scientists—a confluence of minor concrete fluctuations occurs, such that the accummulative force of the fluctuations overcomes the symmetry by breaking or hiding it in the temporal dimension, and this brings time-irreversible entities into existence, producing what we call an actual universe. Philosophically, this means that Asymmetry overcomes Symmetry, and the consequent Order that then prevails appears as the physical forces—the Energy/Information or Force/Form—of the universe within the expanding Space-Time "container" that these forces themselves constitute. In our own Universe, the first actual structures were 1) a scalar Form-Field (the Higgs Field) and 2) a tensor Force-Field (the Unified-Force Field). Soon after the Big Bang, this latter field deteriorated and separated into the four standard Force Fields of modern Physics, along with their Quanta: the Bosons. These four Fields and their Quanta—which are known as: 1) the Gravitational Field and the Graviton, 2) the Electromagnetic Field and the Photon, 3) the Strong Nuclear Field and the Gluons, and 4) the Weak Nuclear Field and the Intermediate Vector Bosons—constitute our Space-Time itself, as well as all the Energy and Information "contained" therein. |
2024.05.16 22:26 Commercial_Big6543 AITA because I made my step mom and guests wait downstairs before my wedding and used my step mom’s champagne glass?
Cross posted on amitheasshole
Sorry in advance this is long. Hello Reddit! I (31F) am coming to you with a situation that happened at my wedding a little over a month ago that I am still thinking about and unsure how to feel or what to do.
Context: The morning of my wedding was SUPER stressful. Our wedding coordinator just vanished, the photographer was an hour and a half late, my make up team was supposed to be 2 people to get through the bridal party and family members in time, but instead was just one woman… all that to say I was stressed, trying to remember our schedule for the day ( which the coordinator had) and get us everywhere on time. With the photographer being late we were RUSHING to get our photos taken quickly. We had an upstairs section of the venue for the wedding parties to get ready and use for photos that the venue told me was private for us. Unfortunately there was no signage, staff, or anything around to tell people that. Despite having 2 sitting rooms downstairs, all our friends and family who arrived super early chose to stand in the hallway of the upstairs separating the bride room from the groom room while we were trying to do photos there.
Where I might be an asshole: The noise and chaos was already stressing me out along with the fact that we were stuck in this small hot room with the door closed because of the ruckus in the hall. The photographer had pre-staged a bottle of champagne and glasses for us to use for photographs in the hall. When someone went to get them, they realized we were one glass short. We’re all like “where’s the other glass? Did the venue forget one?” And one of my bridesmaids says “well Kathy (my step mom 56F) is drinking from one.” I should have realized at the time that since our champagne bottle was unopened, Kathy’s glass was not our missing glass, but I didn’t. Either way Kathy heard us talking about the missing glass from the hall and said “bride can use mine, I’m her step mom she won’t mind drinking after me!”
I didn’t immediately take her up on it because I was still processing everyone being in our space and taking our things (so I thought at the time). Instead I was so annoyed I stuck my heard in the hall and sternly announced that everyone who was not involved in pictures needed to wait downstairs as they were not supposed to be up here. There was a lot of grumbling but people slowly started to clear out. As I processed more I then shouted through the door, “Wait Kathy, before you go we do need your champagne glass”. And she gave it to me.
I thought that was the end of it, but when we moved in to taking family photos, I did a photo alone with my dad (65M) and when he came up to stand beside me he said “Kathy is really angry with you you know.” And I was like “what? Why?” And he said “for accusing her of stealing your champagne and kicking her out from the upstairs”.
I didn’t have time to reply because we had to smile for pictures. I hadnt seen my step mom in the intervening 45 minutes so I had no idea. I did definitely think at the time Kathy took the venue champagne, But I never voiced that to her. Though I did kick her and everyone else out of the upstairs when they did not know they weren’t supposed to be up there.
When it came time to do the whole family photo, Kathy tried to avoid being in the photo all together. When my step brother (her son 26M) forced her to come, she rolled her eyes and begrudgingly stood next to me, but refused to smile, look at me, or talk to me. (In the photos we got back from the photographer she is SO PISSED it’s unreal). At that moment I realized she was LEGIT angry.
The stress from the day, feeling like a bitch for ordering people around, and then having family members angry with me just became too much. I had to take a break and cry for like half an hour the redo my make up which made us all more late. I have ADHD and don’t handle loudness, chaos, or rejection well which likely contributed to my melting down at that point.
Aftermath: I got myself together enough to finish photos, with only a few breaks to cry more, and then got it together to walk down the aisle. Kathy took photos with everyone else in the family smiling like crazy during the night before she left the reception early because she had a headache. My dad almost left too, but I reminded him he was mine and my husband’s ride to our hotel.
At the end of the night during the car ride, I told my dad how after he told me Kathy was pissed and then she was so visibly pissed in the middle of photos that I ended up crying for a while that morning. I hoped he would realize that telling your daughter that in the middle of father daughter photos probably wasn’t the smoothest move, but he just said “oh shit.” And changed the subject.
The next day, Kathy acted fine with me and normal so I assumed she wanted to sweep things under the rug (my family doesn’t have a great track record for handling conflict in a healthy way). I asked my dad about it all and he has at various times told me Kathy’s reactions at the wedding were because she “mixed her meds and took too much because she was feeling anxious” and also told me “she only got emotional because she didn’t take her meds”. We haven’t talked about it since.
Here’s where I don’t know what to do: I keep thinking about how upset and stressed I was the morning of my wedding, it’s making me feel resentful because it’s tarnishing my memories and the experience. But… I don’t know if I have a right to feel this way. I did kind of snap at everyone to make them leave the second floor when they didn’t know they weren’t supposed to be there and I did take Kathy’s class from her in not the most polite way. My dad had super terrible timing in telling me “Kathy is pissed at you”, but also… if I hadn’t of been bossy at people, she wouldn’t be pissed.
So my question is this: AITA for bossing my step mom around during photo time and taking her glass that was legitimately hers?
should I address it with her and my dad to get my feelings off my chest or is this such a silly problem I need to let it go?
submitted by Commercial_Big6543 to AITA_WIBTA_PUBLIC [link] [comments]
Sorry in advance this is long. Hello Reddit! I (31F) am coming to you with a situation that happened at my wedding a little over a month ago that I am still thinking about and unsure how to feel or what to do.
Context: The morning of my wedding was SUPER stressful. Our wedding coordinator just vanished, the photographer was an hour and a half late, my make up team was supposed to be 2 people to get through the bridal party and family members in time, but instead was just one woman… all that to say I was stressed, trying to remember our schedule for the day ( which the coordinator had) and get us everywhere on time. With the photographer being late we were RUSHING to get our photos taken quickly. We had an upstairs section of the venue for the wedding parties to get ready and use for photos that the venue told me was private for us. Unfortunately there was no signage, staff, or anything around to tell people that. Despite having 2 sitting rooms downstairs, all our friends and family who arrived super early chose to stand in the hallway of the upstairs separating the bride room from the groom room while we were trying to do photos there.
Where I might be an asshole: The noise and chaos was already stressing me out along with the fact that we were stuck in this small hot room with the door closed because of the ruckus in the hall. The photographer had pre-staged a bottle of champagne and glasses for us to use for photographs in the hall. When someone went to get them, they realized we were one glass short. We’re all like “where’s the other glass? Did the venue forget one?” And one of my bridesmaids says “well Kathy (my step mom 56F) is drinking from one.” I should have realized at the time that since our champagne bottle was unopened, Kathy’s glass was not our missing glass, but I didn’t. Either way Kathy heard us talking about the missing glass from the hall and said “bride can use mine, I’m her step mom she won’t mind drinking after me!”
I didn’t immediately take her up on it because I was still processing everyone being in our space and taking our things (so I thought at the time). Instead I was so annoyed I stuck my heard in the hall and sternly announced that everyone who was not involved in pictures needed to wait downstairs as they were not supposed to be up here. There was a lot of grumbling but people slowly started to clear out. As I processed more I then shouted through the door, “Wait Kathy, before you go we do need your champagne glass”. And she gave it to me.
I thought that was the end of it, but when we moved in to taking family photos, I did a photo alone with my dad (65M) and when he came up to stand beside me he said “Kathy is really angry with you you know.” And I was like “what? Why?” And he said “for accusing her of stealing your champagne and kicking her out from the upstairs”.
I didn’t have time to reply because we had to smile for pictures. I hadnt seen my step mom in the intervening 45 minutes so I had no idea. I did definitely think at the time Kathy took the venue champagne, But I never voiced that to her. Though I did kick her and everyone else out of the upstairs when they did not know they weren’t supposed to be up there.
When it came time to do the whole family photo, Kathy tried to avoid being in the photo all together. When my step brother (her son 26M) forced her to come, she rolled her eyes and begrudgingly stood next to me, but refused to smile, look at me, or talk to me. (In the photos we got back from the photographer she is SO PISSED it’s unreal). At that moment I realized she was LEGIT angry.
The stress from the day, feeling like a bitch for ordering people around, and then having family members angry with me just became too much. I had to take a break and cry for like half an hour the redo my make up which made us all more late. I have ADHD and don’t handle loudness, chaos, or rejection well which likely contributed to my melting down at that point.
Aftermath: I got myself together enough to finish photos, with only a few breaks to cry more, and then got it together to walk down the aisle. Kathy took photos with everyone else in the family smiling like crazy during the night before she left the reception early because she had a headache. My dad almost left too, but I reminded him he was mine and my husband’s ride to our hotel.
At the end of the night during the car ride, I told my dad how after he told me Kathy was pissed and then she was so visibly pissed in the middle of photos that I ended up crying for a while that morning. I hoped he would realize that telling your daughter that in the middle of father daughter photos probably wasn’t the smoothest move, but he just said “oh shit.” And changed the subject.
The next day, Kathy acted fine with me and normal so I assumed she wanted to sweep things under the rug (my family doesn’t have a great track record for handling conflict in a healthy way). I asked my dad about it all and he has at various times told me Kathy’s reactions at the wedding were because she “mixed her meds and took too much because she was feeling anxious” and also told me “she only got emotional because she didn’t take her meds”. We haven’t talked about it since.
Here’s where I don’t know what to do: I keep thinking about how upset and stressed I was the morning of my wedding, it’s making me feel resentful because it’s tarnishing my memories and the experience. But… I don’t know if I have a right to feel this way. I did kind of snap at everyone to make them leave the second floor when they didn’t know they weren’t supposed to be there and I did take Kathy’s class from her in not the most polite way. My dad had super terrible timing in telling me “Kathy is pissed at you”, but also… if I hadn’t of been bossy at people, she wouldn’t be pissed.
So my question is this: AITA for bossing my step mom around during photo time and taking her glass that was legitimately hers?
should I address it with her and my dad to get my feelings off my chest or is this such a silly problem I need to let it go?
2024.05.16 22:25 beeaaans I feel (27F) feel like my 27M is using me?
I feel like I’m not in the relationship I should be in. I feel like I’m having to accept and change my authentic self to make it seem to work, when I feel like I am drowning. It’s hard when I’m having to keep accountable for everything, like time, making sure things are okay, asking if things are okay, I feel like I have taken on another mothering role.
I feel like the only time I’m worthy of touch is going to lead to sex and that makes me feel gross. I would like a normal encounter and affection with touch that doesn’t lead to sex every now and again. And I have expressed this to him and he said it’s not the case but I can’t help but feel and link them.
I feel like I’m the one who has my life set up but I’m so far behind too. Waiting. On pause. I am nervous because I’m the only one at the moment with a car, and my partner wants a car and is organising a car loan but I’m anxious because that’s $600 a month on top of finances if we stay together. I’m 27, I wanted to have kids soon but with the financials I do not feel comfortable to bring a child into this world anytime soon.
I feel like I’m not worthy of basic messages of good morning/goodnight, and to elaborate, I mean just acknowledging that i exist? If I finish work I make sure to message or something but I feel like I just get forgotten on his end. It would just be nice to know and be told I am on his mind as much as he is mine, but it doesn’t seem that way. I bring it up and I’m told that he’s just not a romantic and then I feel like a shit person for feeling my feelings. When I’ve asked about this he’s simply told me “he’s not a romantic person”.
I feel a great disconnect from him when he’s not with me due to his lack of/sparse messaging and often forgets/leaves me on delivered. If I’m having a rough day, he won’t reach out to ask if I’m alright or ask to support me.
Im constantly anxious now because when my energy isn’t met I am worrying I’m too much or that he’s upset with me. For being in a relationship I feel so alone.
Am I being too much? I feel so lost.
submitted by beeaaans to BorderlinePDisorder [link] [comments]
I feel like the only time I’m worthy of touch is going to lead to sex and that makes me feel gross. I would like a normal encounter and affection with touch that doesn’t lead to sex every now and again. And I have expressed this to him and he said it’s not the case but I can’t help but feel and link them.
I feel like I’m the one who has my life set up but I’m so far behind too. Waiting. On pause. I am nervous because I’m the only one at the moment with a car, and my partner wants a car and is organising a car loan but I’m anxious because that’s $600 a month on top of finances if we stay together. I’m 27, I wanted to have kids soon but with the financials I do not feel comfortable to bring a child into this world anytime soon.
I feel like I’m not worthy of basic messages of good morning/goodnight, and to elaborate, I mean just acknowledging that i exist? If I finish work I make sure to message or something but I feel like I just get forgotten on his end. It would just be nice to know and be told I am on his mind as much as he is mine, but it doesn’t seem that way. I bring it up and I’m told that he’s just not a romantic and then I feel like a shit person for feeling my feelings. When I’ve asked about this he’s simply told me “he’s not a romantic person”.
I feel a great disconnect from him when he’s not with me due to his lack of/sparse messaging and often forgets/leaves me on delivered. If I’m having a rough day, he won’t reach out to ask if I’m alright or ask to support me.
Im constantly anxious now because when my energy isn’t met I am worrying I’m too much or that he’s upset with me. For being in a relationship I feel so alone.
Am I being too much? I feel so lost.
2024.05.16 22:24 PetVitalityApp Veterinarian: How I approach the allergic dog in my practice
Please note: I've mentioned some products and brands here just because I use them regularly in my work. Nothing has been received for their references in this article.This is a simplified step-by-step guide to help dog owners understand the steps towards allergy diagnosis and management. Unless the logic behind the steps are communicated properly by the vet, I understand that the process may appear slow, frustrating and not always clear. It is important to keep a good dialogue with the vet throughout the process and not to expect a quick-fix after the first consultation.
Also note that each case is handled differently based on many factors such as the owner's financial limitations, country-specific norms and the veterinarians habits and experiences. Please note that this is just an example on how I myself approach allergic dogs. Other veterinarians may have completely different routines that works for them.
Common presentation:
Allergies typically begin to develop in dogs between the ages of 1 and 3 years old and usually present with one or more of the following symptoms:
- Itching and/or skin redness.
- Licking of legs and paws.
- Recurrent ear issues.
- Anal gland issues/butt scooping.
- Gastrointestinal symptoms such as diarrhea and gas.
1: Anti-Parasitic treatment
Even if I strongly suspect allergies, I usually always start out an allergy consultations by ruling out parasitic infestations. A skin scraping can be performed and investigated under the microscope, but a negative skin scrape does not rule out parasites; it only rules out parasites at that small patch of skin where the sample was taken. It's a simple and cheap treatment, so if the issue happens to be parasitic it will save the owner a lot of time and money. If the symptoms are severe, I provide anti-itching drugs for a few days while the trial anti-parasitic treatment has time to work.
(Hypothyroidism can also cause allergy-like symptoms and should be ruled out (blood test) before initiating a full allergy investigation.)
2: Hypoallergenic diet trial:
If the symptoms are still present after anti-parasitic treatment course, I start the dog on a prescription Allergy diet for 8 weeks. We use Royal Canin Anallergenic since it's the most extensively hydrolyzed diet available. Hydrolyzed diets contain proteins that have been chemically 'chopped' into tiny subunits, so small that the pet's immune system cannot recognize them as allergens. Since they are not recognized by the immune system they will elicit no allergic reactions. During the food trial it is important that the dog ONLY eats the prescribed diet and avoids everything else, including treats and human foods. If the dog is severely affected I will provide anti-itching medicines for a few weeks at the start of the food trial, but it is important that the medicines do not mask the effect of the food change for us to know what actually worked.
If the symptoms disappear after the 8 week allergy trial diet, then great, we may conclude that food is the cause of the pet's allergies. I will then usually do elimination diets to figure out what types of food the dog actually tolerates. Some dogs may have to remain on prescription allergy diets for the rest of their lives. Some vets perform a food challenge test (Back to the diet they reacted on previously) after symptoms have cleared to check for recurrence as a way to confirm their diagnosis.
FOOD ALLERGY BLOOD TEST: These tests are somewhat controversial as they are NOT tools for diagnosis or identifying specific food allergens. However, they can be useful during a food trial in determining what protein sources the dog is less likely to have an allergic reaction to.
3. Environmental allergy screening + trial treatment.
If the allergy symptoms are still present after 8 weeks of prescription allergy diet, the cause of the allergy is more likely to be environmental (or both). At this point I usually recommend doing a blood test screening or panel against specific environmental allergens, such as pollen or mites. I always offer to do the blood test during step 2, but many clients prefer to go stepwise.
While waiting for the blood results I usually initiate treatment with Cytopoint injections. Depending on the severity I might add Apoquel short term for relief as it is very quick-acting and effective drug. For very severe cases corticosteroids might be required. I prefer Cytopoint for long term use over Apoquel and (especially) glucocorticoids due to having a more specific mechanism of action, while the alternatives are more broad-acting immuno-suppressive drugs. However, each patient responds differently - Finding the ideal treatment is usually a case of trial and error and there is no one-size-fits-all solution. Sometimes a combination is required.
NOTE: Neither Cytopoint or Apoquel cure allergies. They provide relief to the pet by blocking some of the symptom's pathways. However they are still very important medicines for improving the quality of lives for thousands of pets with allergies.
\ Cytopoint: Injections lasting 4-8 weeks.*
\ Apoquel: Daily tablet or chewable.*
4. Immunotherapy:
Immunotherapy is the closest we currently get to 'curing' environmental allergies. Please note that immunotherapy has nothing to do with food allergies which can only be managed nutrionally.
The results from the blood panel previously mentioned can be used to create a custom solution containing the most important allergens specific to the dog. The solution is injected or given orally in gradually increasing concentrations. This procedure desensitizes the immune system to said allergens, alleviating the symptoms over time.
It is worth noting that approximately 50% of patients will respond excellent to immunotherapy treatment, 25% will have good response, and 25% will not respond at all. Immunotherapy is no immediate relief and it may take months before any effect is observed. Concurrent treatment is usually necessary for symptom relief. Glucocorticoids should not be administered during immunotherapy as it will considerably decrease the success rate.
Additional (environmental) allergy management tips:
- Regular baths: For pets with environmental allergies, regular washing will remove allergens from the fur and may alleviate symptoms. Bedding, blankets etc in daily use should also be cleaned regularly.
- Allergen-neutralizing spray (such as Allergone): These products bind to proteins inactivating their effectiveness as allergens, preventing them from becoming airborne indoors and making them easier to clean. Allergone can be sprayed anywhere (beds, couches, blankets, carpets etc.) and is long lasting.
- Symptom Tracking: For seasonal allergies, symptom tracking can be very valuable. If you learn what months of the year the allergy starts, treatment can be initiated beforehand as a preventive measure. Preventing seasonal flair-ups will potentially save you veterinary expenses and your pet a lot of suffering.
2024.05.16 22:19 Ok-Cress2294 Going to restaurants is hard when you’re newly single
I’m not someone who can’t have a nice meal out by myself. It’s something I have always taken great pleasure in doing for years—before I met my ex-boyfriend, and even during all the time that we were together. But one of our rituals was simply enjoying good food together. With him, I loved to savour the taste, the smell, the ambience of a good meal in a good restaurant. I loved that we would order our favourite dishes on the menu, looking out for what sounded good or new or exciting. That he would always want to take a bite from my plate, and that I would always save a little bit at the end for him because it was my way of showing love. Today marks one month since our break up and I wanted to feel good about my progress, even though there have been many more sad days, so I went to a nice restaurant to have a meal. But it only made me sad and reminded me of his absence. Of the fact that I can no longer share these experiences with him. I would be fine about the break up if it hadn’t ruined my ability to go to a goddamn nice restaurant by myself.
submitted by Ok-Cress2294 to BreakUps [link] [comments]
2024.05.16 22:16 divinepasta I am a software engineer turned statistician who got into an Ontario med school this year. I hope my non-trad journey can provide some insight and hope for others out here. This is a long post + AMA!
First off, congrats to everyone for the past application cycle! No matter what your outcome was, it's a big accomplishment to have gone through the whole process. I'm a non-trad who was accepted to Queen's this year, on my 2nd application cycle. I will be 27 when I start this Fall. It feels surreal and I always told myself I'd write a post about my journey if this day ever came - and here we are.
I didn't decide to apply to med school until after I finished undergrad, and while doing my research, I always wished I could read/hear perspectives from others with my background. Even though everybody's path will be different, I hope that my story can provide some insight (or even hope) for other non-trad applicants out there.
Before we start, here are my stats because that's important:
TLDR: I was a software engineer who quit after a year to go to grad school and pursue medicine. It took me 4 years from when I decided to pursue this to getting accepted at a Canadian school. I did a Masters in stats and applied 2 times. My biggest takeaway is to do a lot of what you are passionate about, do it well, and take it far (for me, that was teaching and research).
Some demographics:
Undergrad, 2015-2020: This was honestly a fun time for me. I double-majored in stats and CS and I did 6 co-ops, 5 of which were in software engineering roles. I had originally planned to do actuarial science, but quickly saw the earning potential in the tech industry and made it my goal to get a job at a big tech company. A lot of personal stuff happened during this time as well that affirmed my decision pursue a software engineering career. One part of it was that I didn't want my parents to worry about me, and being able to show them that I was able to do well for myself in tech felt really good.
Halfway through my co-ops, I realized that I wasn't feeling the most fulfilled in software roles, but management roles also didn't appeal to me. I didn't really take the time to fully explore this feeling, and it was easy to put it away in light of the high income and getting to live in big cities for internships. Still, I did well in my co-ops and built up my software skills. After realizing that "grades don't matter for getting tech jobs", I let my grades slip. It wasn't until 4th year that I decided I wanted to keep the door open for grad school, and starting taking classes I liked and getting better grades. I graduated with an 82% average, with my grades all over the place (which I'd later learn was bad for calculating my OMSAS gpa lol).
Throughout undergrad, I still wanted to be involved in clubs and stuff, so here's a list of all my undergrad ECs. All these were only 4-8 months long.
Full-time software engineering, 2020-2021: I signed a return offer from one of my co-ops, and had planned to move to Seattle in the summer after graduating to start working. But Covid changed all that. I moved back home with my parents in the GTA and worked at my software job remotely for the full year.
It was during this year that I was really feeling unfulfilled in my job, and did a lot of thinking about how I wanted my career to look. I started to remember that med school was something that I once wanted to do, and I also started reading/watching a lot of content from people in medicine with non-traditional backgrounds. My partner, who is also from Ontario, was accepted to an international med school, and many of our friends were also getting into schools in Canada around the same time, so this reaffirmed to me that it was actually possible. While working for the year, I made a plan to apply to grad school (academia would be my back-up) and take the MCAT. Here's what my 2020-2021 looked like:
I will also add that this is a rather objective recount of my process that year. In reality, I completely recognized how insane it was to quit my job to go to grad school, and I'm super lucky that I was able to.
Grad school, 2021-2023: I moved to BC to start my Masters in statistics in August. This choice was partly to gain IP status in BC, but mostly, this was really the best program for me out of the schools I applied to. Even looking back now, I would have chosen this program even without the IP consideration.
Here's a breakdown of everything I did during the first year of my Masters:
So here's a breakdown of everything I did in my second year of my Masters and beyond:
Some of my thoughts and preparation for the interviews:
MMI - Aside from the usual resources that are posted here, I also took advantage of the following:
Decision Week, 2024: That brings us to this week! In the week leading up to the decision, I flip flopped between "My panel hated me, there's no way I passed the vibe check" and "My answers were good, my MMI felt good, why wouldn't they accept me". I opened the email at 6am (Pacific time) with zero expectations - I truly had no idea what was waiting for me on the other side. The first word was "Congratulations!" and I didn't read much farther than that before I started celebrating :)
So that's it. I told a lot of people I work with, my Masters supervisor, my parents, and my friends, and it felt amazing to deliver this good news. My closing thoughts about my whole journey are that even though I do think my application was great, I still got incredibly lucky. At any point in the process, I could have gotten an undesirable outcome, and there was nothing I could do to control that (other than my efforts prior). I also relied a lot on my support system, and was so lucky to have had + made friends who are in med school or were practising already.
I just feel so grateful to be starting this Fall, and I'm happy to say that my high school self would be in absolute disbelief if she could see where I am today. That statement is a sign to me that I'm on the right path, and I'm just so excited to be starting this long, hard career that is medicine.
If you've made it to the end, thank you for reading!! If you can relate to any part of my journey and have questions, please send me a comment or DM - my inbox is always open.
submitted by divinepasta to premedcanada [link] [comments]
I didn't decide to apply to med school until after I finished undergrad, and while doing my research, I always wished I could read/hear perspectives from others with my background. Even though everybody's path will be different, I hope that my story can provide some insight (or even hope) for other non-trad applicants out there.
Before we start, here are my stats because that's important:
- cGPA, OMSAS: 3.53
- wGPA, UBC: ~85%
- MCAT: 515 (127/129/130/129)
- Casper: 4th
- IP: BC and ON
TLDR: I was a software engineer who quit after a year to go to grad school and pursue medicine. It took me 4 years from when I decided to pursue this to getting accepted at a Canadian school. I did a Masters in stats and applied 2 times. My biggest takeaway is to do a lot of what you are passionate about, do it well, and take it far (for me, that was teaching and research).
Some demographics:
- My parents and I immigrated to Canada from Asia when I was 3
- I grew up in the GTA and did undergrad in Ontario
- I'm the first person in my family to pursue med school. My immediate family and I are the only people in our whole family who live outside of Asia, and nobody in my parents' network of family friends is in healthcare either.
Undergrad, 2015-2020: This was honestly a fun time for me. I double-majored in stats and CS and I did 6 co-ops, 5 of which were in software engineering roles. I had originally planned to do actuarial science, but quickly saw the earning potential in the tech industry and made it my goal to get a job at a big tech company. A lot of personal stuff happened during this time as well that affirmed my decision pursue a software engineering career. One part of it was that I didn't want my parents to worry about me, and being able to show them that I was able to do well for myself in tech felt really good.
Halfway through my co-ops, I realized that I wasn't feeling the most fulfilled in software roles, but management roles also didn't appeal to me. I didn't really take the time to fully explore this feeling, and it was easy to put it away in light of the high income and getting to live in big cities for internships. Still, I did well in my co-ops and built up my software skills. After realizing that "grades don't matter for getting tech jobs", I let my grades slip. It wasn't until 4th year that I decided I wanted to keep the door open for grad school, and starting taking classes I liked and getting better grades. I graduated with an 82% average, with my grades all over the place (which I'd later learn was bad for calculating my OMSAS gpa lol).
Throughout undergrad, I still wanted to be involved in clubs and stuff, so here's a list of all my undergrad ECs. All these were only 4-8 months long.
- 1st year: I was a member and president of my first year residence council
- 2nd year: I was in a leadership position at the statistics club
- 3rd year: I was an event coordinator for co-op students in a city away from home
- also 3rd year: I was part of a club that builds software for non-profits
Full-time software engineering, 2020-2021: I signed a return offer from one of my co-ops, and had planned to move to Seattle in the summer after graduating to start working. But Covid changed all that. I moved back home with my parents in the GTA and worked at my software job remotely for the full year.
It was during this year that I was really feeling unfulfilled in my job, and did a lot of thinking about how I wanted my career to look. I started to remember that med school was something that I once wanted to do, and I also started reading/watching a lot of content from people in medicine with non-traditional backgrounds. My partner, who is also from Ontario, was accepted to an international med school, and many of our friends were also getting into schools in Canada around the same time, so this reaffirmed to me that it was actually possible. While working for the year, I made a plan to apply to grad school (academia would be my back-up) and take the MCAT. Here's what my 2020-2021 looked like:
- July: started full-time work
- December-January: wrote personal statements and applied to 5 Masters programs in biostatistics
- February-April: acceptances to Masters programs came in, and I was studying for the MCAT
- June: took the MCAT, scored 508, and told my manager that I'd be leaving by August to start grad school
I will also add that this is a rather objective recount of my process that year. In reality, I completely recognized how insane it was to quit my job to go to grad school, and I'm super lucky that I was able to.
Grad school, 2021-2023: I moved to BC to start my Masters in statistics in August. This choice was partly to gain IP status in BC, but mostly, this was really the best program for me out of the schools I applied to. Even looking back now, I would have chosen this program even without the IP consideration.
Here's a breakdown of everything I did during the first year of my Masters:
- Started a new volunteering role (tutoring) right away. Still doing this today, almost 3 years later.
- Took a first year English class to fulfill the UBC requirement. Side note: it felt very odd being a 25-year-old in a class of 18-year-olds, but I did well in both classes probably because of being older. At first, I dreaded taking these classes since English was never my strong suit. But being older meant that I allowed myself to be truly curious about the topics being taught, and I treated it more as an experience to learn more about the world than to just check off some boxes.
- Took the MCAT again, at the end of my first year of MSc. I had already confirmed a supervisor by then, and thankfully she is/was incredibly supportive of my goals. I took it in June 2022 and got 515.
- TA'd stats courses throughout the year
- Started working on my thesis research with my supervisor
So here's a breakdown of everything I did in my second year of my Masters and beyond:
- TA'd stats courses throughout the year, and was the head TA for one of them (I think this showed leadership and commitment to teaching)
- Started another volunteering role at the food bank
- Took another first-year English course
- Continued my research with my supervisor
- Got offered (and started) a lecturer role for an undergrad course at the university, which was such an amazing opportunity. My supervisor helped me a lot with getting this position, since I TA'd for her one semester and she recommended me to the department. This was a class of 150, and I was also in charge of a few TAs. I ended up teaching this class 2 more times after this!
- Finished my Masters in August 2023
- Started working full-time as a biostatistician in September 2023
- A first-author paper I started working on during undergrad was accepted in Fall 2023. I had been working on this on-and-off for the past 4 years so it was incredible for the work to finally pay off!
Some of my thoughts and preparation for the interviews:
MMI - Aside from the usual resources that are posted here, I also took advantage of the following:
- Support system: I had a lot of support from my partner, who had gone through MMIs from non-Canadian schools, and many of my friends who were already in med school.
- Resources: I paid for a prep session on AcceptedTogether and had a positive experience there. I also used the BrightStudent question bank and although the questions were good, the explanations and overall experience were mid. But their YouTube video was extremely useful.
- Mindset: Throughout my whole MMI prep, I was honestly very interested in exploring each prompt, and I think this mindset was extremely beneficial for making my answers both unique and genuine. During my Masters, I also took a class that covered topics in social determinants of health, and I semi-regularly enjoy reading about current events in this area, so both of those pieces of background were super helpful for me.
Decision Week, 2024: That brings us to this week! In the week leading up to the decision, I flip flopped between "My panel hated me, there's no way I passed the vibe check" and "My answers were good, my MMI felt good, why wouldn't they accept me". I opened the email at 6am (Pacific time) with zero expectations - I truly had no idea what was waiting for me on the other side. The first word was "Congratulations!" and I didn't read much farther than that before I started celebrating :)
So that's it. I told a lot of people I work with, my Masters supervisor, my parents, and my friends, and it felt amazing to deliver this good news. My closing thoughts about my whole journey are that even though I do think my application was great, I still got incredibly lucky. At any point in the process, I could have gotten an undesirable outcome, and there was nothing I could do to control that (other than my efforts prior). I also relied a lot on my support system, and was so lucky to have had + made friends who are in med school or were practising already.
I just feel so grateful to be starting this Fall, and I'm happy to say that my high school self would be in absolute disbelief if she could see where I am today. That statement is a sign to me that I'm on the right path, and I'm just so excited to be starting this long, hard career that is medicine.
If you've made it to the end, thank you for reading!! If you can relate to any part of my journey and have questions, please send me a comment or DM - my inbox is always open.
2024.05.16 22:15 rpkat [F4A/M] Mafia Romance
Hi there! I’m 26, central US timezone, and female!
SAFE FOR WORK ONLY.
Message me with your age, timezone (US Timezones Preferred), what plot idea you’re interested in, and a sample of your writing!
Partner requirements: must be 22-38 - Must play male (IRL gender doesn’t matter)- write in third person - at least two paragraphs - decent grammar and punctuation- must be able to post once a day to every other day. Communication is key, please let me know if you are going to be busy for longer than a day or two or if you are no longer interested. No asterisks for actions. Dialogue should be in quotations. NO AI ART OR WRITING.
I’ve been craving a good enemies to lovers roleplay for awhile now and what’s a better enemies to lovers roleplay than something revolving around the mafia?
Plot idea #1: Your character has recently taken over the family business. My character is a college student on a study abroad trip that happens to see something they weren’t supposed to. Y/C’s men that were handling the deal take her back to the main ‘headquarters’ and keep her locked up, leaving Y/C to deal with her.
Plot idea #2: Your character is in a small gang that is tasked with kidnapping the naive daughter of a mob boss that stole money from another. Basic idea, can be fleshed out more together.
Plot idea #3: your character would be a police officer that’s gone undercover with some small local gangs to bust a couple of drug dealers and whatnot. Having done such a great job there, he is offered a bigger mission and if he takes it, when he returns to his actual station, he will get a bigger raise, new car, K-9 unit, some sort of special thing that he’s been working towards. This bigger mission would be infiltrating a bigger mafia family that seems to be running all these smaller ones. Thanks to some forged documents, lies spread around, and some of the actual dirty work he has done over the last six months, the head of the family invites him to a nightclub to chat. The chat leads to the offering of a position within the family, a personal bodyguard for the mob bosses daughter after the situation that happened with her last one. It’s his first break through and they’re welcoming him with open arms. Does he accept?
submitted by rpkat to RoleplayPartnerSearch [link] [comments]
SAFE FOR WORK ONLY.
Message me with your age, timezone (US Timezones Preferred), what plot idea you’re interested in, and a sample of your writing!
Partner requirements: must be 22-38 - Must play male (IRL gender doesn’t matter)- write in third person - at least two paragraphs - decent grammar and punctuation- must be able to post once a day to every other day. Communication is key, please let me know if you are going to be busy for longer than a day or two or if you are no longer interested. No asterisks for actions. Dialogue should be in quotations. NO AI ART OR WRITING.
I’ve been craving a good enemies to lovers roleplay for awhile now and what’s a better enemies to lovers roleplay than something revolving around the mafia?
Plot idea #1: Your character has recently taken over the family business. My character is a college student on a study abroad trip that happens to see something they weren’t supposed to. Y/C’s men that were handling the deal take her back to the main ‘headquarters’ and keep her locked up, leaving Y/C to deal with her.
Plot idea #2: Your character is in a small gang that is tasked with kidnapping the naive daughter of a mob boss that stole money from another. Basic idea, can be fleshed out more together.
Plot idea #3: your character would be a police officer that’s gone undercover with some small local gangs to bust a couple of drug dealers and whatnot. Having done such a great job there, he is offered a bigger mission and if he takes it, when he returns to his actual station, he will get a bigger raise, new car, K-9 unit, some sort of special thing that he’s been working towards. This bigger mission would be infiltrating a bigger mafia family that seems to be running all these smaller ones. Thanks to some forged documents, lies spread around, and some of the actual dirty work he has done over the last six months, the head of the family invites him to a nightclub to chat. The chat leads to the offering of a position within the family, a personal bodyguard for the mob bosses daughter after the situation that happened with her last one. It’s his first break through and they’re welcoming him with open arms. Does he accept?
2024.05.16 22:14 CaptainCyro My idea for a Miitopia TV show
Now, as you may know Nintendo series like Mario and Kirby got TV shows, now this has me wondering, what if Miitopia got a TV show, so for that, I have some ideas for it, so I felt like sharing it with you. So the fan of the games can easily understand the plot. Although most episodes will focus on the cast and their goal to save Miitopia, I'll hope include some episodes that'll help character grow and develop. Character cast: Now my idea for a cast is that I'll follow one of Miitopia's best features, being able to put in any character in the story, now I'll only have one original character, being the protagonist, other that that, all other characters would've already exist, now due to copyright, I'll only cast Nintendo characters to fill the roles , I'll also might include some Pokemon characters since Gamefreak is close to Nintendo and some celebrities [Like youtubers, voice actors, etc] here and there, so if you don't like it my casting or think the Pokemon characters will lead to copyright, you can type your own cast down below. So let the madness and fun begin. The cast: Carefree Guide: Mario Cheery Granny: Gardevoir Sassy Child: Goomba Worried Mother: Indeedee Lovely-Dovey Couple: Ash and Serena Sarcastic Guy: Toad Dubious Mayor: Luigi Dark Lord: Louie Roving Photographer: Koopa Quizmaster: Orbeetle Prodigious Postman: Pelipper Roaming Gourmet: Kirby Serious Soldier: Boo Lax Soldier: Monty Mole Royal Supports: Bandana Dee and Escargoon King: King Dedede Princess: Lana Prince from Neksdor: Bulborb Besmirched Noble's Son: Waddle Dee Great Sage: Aphmau Genie: Spike Dancing Guide: Oricorio Rambling Old Man: Jack Black Shady Merchant Family: Toadette and Garos Worried Explorer: Bowser Prickly Couple: Inkling Boy and Girl Desert Celebrity: Chris Pratt Fab Faries: Peach, Daisy and Rosalina Injured Elf: Yellow Pikmin Fab Fairies fans: Regice, Regirock and Registeel Scaredy-Cat: Torracat Green-Eyed Lady: Zelda Lazybones: Ice Pikmin Mischievous Witch: Meowscarada Town Guide: Blue Pikmin Scholary Pioneer: Donkey Kong Dark Curse: Vanillite The Protangonist: Name: Gideon Description: Gideon is a traveling comedian who although laid back, loves to entertain people and make them smile, he went to Miitopia has it heard it was in a bad shape and he thought it meant that Miitopia needed cheering up, although he has a good heart, being laid-back his laziness limits his capabilities where it often leads to him not doing something at his best. After meeting the guardian spirit, he was given the powers of a mage, in Neksdor when Louie sealed away his powers he became a warrior, and in Realm of the Fey when his powers were sealed away again, he became a thief and when his powers were no longer sealed away, he became a wizard once more. Greenhorne Allies: Mallow: Class: Chef Description: Mallow left Alola soon after hearing about the culinary cuisine of Miitopia so she set off to learn the recipes of Miitopia dishes with her family. Sadly soon after reaching Miitopia, she and her family were attacked by the Dark Lord resulting in her family losing their faces and the ambush caused her and her Tsareena to seperate. Now wanting to save them, she wanders around Miitopia look to save her family Steve [Red Pikmin]: Class: Warrior Description: Steve grew up on a long lost land, and is the best knight in his habitat. He left his natural habitat to find a purpose as he felt like his talents were wasting away, so after hearing Miitopia was in danger, he knew what he had to do, he rose to the challenge and set sail for Miitopia. But his main flaw is that he thinks highly of himself and tries to lift super heavy things on his own with little to no success. Nabbit: Class: Theif Description: The infamous thief of the Mushroom Kingdom was able to steal anything and not get caught, so in his hideout, he read of an amulet that grants insane power to control an army, and after turning on the TV, he soon saw the Dark Lord wearing the same amulet, so he set for Miitopia to retrieve the powerful artifact so he can make monsters to steal anything and is capable of reaching high speeds due to his insane energy. Meloetta: Class: Pop Star Description: During her time in Unova, Meloetta was caught by a kind and caring local singer, and soon after, Meloetta and her trainer were the best singers in Unova dropping amazing albums left and right, they came to Miitopia after receiving an invitation to perform a concert but after landing there and got to the meeting spot, it was a trap set by the Dark Lord to use the Mythical's face to make an extremely powerful monster. But her trainer was able to distract him long enough for him to escape, last thing Meloetta saw was the Dark Lord stealing her trainers faces. Being a kind soul, she often tries to stop quarrels and fights and most of the time she's the voice of reason. Neksdor Allies: Olimar: Class: Scientist Description: Olimar and his family set off for Miitopia after hearing it's excellent vacation spots, but soon after landing there, his family's faces were snagged by his coworker Louie, not wanting to be next, he hid until Louie left, and set off to save his family and stop Louie. Purple Pikmin: Name: Purp Class: Cleric Description: On his home town, Purp was a doctor attending to the injured, but after being accused of stealing a patients skeleton, he quickly lost his medical license, so instead of using medicine to heal his patients, he studied in cleric magic to heal his patients way faster, and he set off for Miitopia with his friend Rocky soon after hearing it had lots of injuries. Despite his divine magic his lack of intellect gets in the way leading to dumb scenarios. Ice Cream Sandwich: Class: Imp Description: While in his house, he hears of a land called Miitopia, where it has an animation contest in Neksdor where whoever wins gets a huge cash prize, so he invited his friends, and dog along and soon set off for Miitopia, where during the time he was there, he had a good time, eating snacks, hanging with the boys, messing around. Until after the competition where the winner was about the being announced, the event is quickly interrupted by the Dark Lord where he starts stealing everyone's faces, him, his dog and his friends went to hide in the bathroom since according to his brain, everyone knocks before entering the bathroom, before anyone said something, the Dark Lord busted in and stole his friends' faces and his dog, after checking if the Dark Lord was gone, he swore vengeance, so went around hoping to find people to help him Rock Pikmin: Name: Rocky Class: Cat Description: On Rocky's natural habitat he owned a cat sanctuary, where he helped felines find forever homes and learned how to fight like a cat, so he after hearing about the exclusive cat breeds on Miitopia, he soon set off with his friend Purp but soon after the Dark Lord stole his cat Terry, him and his friend wanted revenge, but just with Purp's healing magic and his feline abilities, it wouldn't be enough, so the set off for heroes to find so they could help them. Throughout the series, Rocky suffers from an extreme lack of IQ so he needs help when it comes to situations that require intellect to solve. And together with Icecreamsandwich and Purp, the three often do dumb stuff together and get into all sorts of trouble. Realm of the Fey Allies: Tsareena: Class: Princess Description: After soon being seperated from Mallow, Tsareena ended up in Realm of the Fey, lost and not knowing where to go, soon she met up with a potion, thirsty and out of options, she drank it where it granted her the magically abilities of royalty. After meeting up with the protagonist she soon set off with him to reunite with Mallow. Lilligant: Class: Flower Description: After stowing away on a cargo ship from Unova to Miitopia, Lilligant started exploring Miitopia and ended up in Realm of the Fey, so after befriending the local elves, she learnt the ways of harnessing the power of nature and really bonded with them, but after hiding when the Dark Lord attacked, she started to leave and set off to retrieve her friends and quickly met up with the protangonist. Having a gentle soul she sees the good in everyone often leading her to spare monsters. Golurk: Class: Tank Description: After hearing about Miitopia's situation, a bunch of Unova scientist got together and turned a Golurk into a weapon of mass destruction and was quickly shipped to Miitopia, after landing there, he started looking for the Dark Lord, and soon got orders from his creators to wait by a local inn to receive some allies to help him. During battle, Golurk will stop at nothing to defeat his opponents, even if it means firing his allies and shooting everywhere to ensure victory. He thinks he doesn't need help and often refuses assistance believing he can be a big shot and do it himself. Other Allies: Litwick: Class: Vampire Description: Litwick was caught by a vampire on vacation in Unova and the two quickly bonded. While in the land of Peculia, Litwick lived a simple life with his trainer in their mansion and his trainer taught Litwick vampire like abilities, until the Darker Lordsent a rat infestation in there, Litwick's trainer told him to get help to stop the rat invasion, soon he quickly met up with the protagonist and quickly asked him for help and after they agreed, they set off and during the journey Litwick quickly bonded with the team and after the rats were defeated, his trainer noticed his bond with the team and told them that if he wanted to go with them he wouldn't stop him, so Litwick quickly joined the party, and during his time in it, he often pulled pranks on his team and during battle, he likes to mix in fun by toying with his opponents and he calls them, his prey. Alchremie: Class: Elf Description: Alchremie lived in Peculia with a baker and together they made sweets for lotsa people. But after the Darker lord stole her trainer's face, she swore revenge, she went off to realm of the Fey to study the ways of elf magic and after learning the elf magic he returned to Peculia to look for her trainer's face soon after seeing the protagonist and his team struggle against a monster with her trainer's face, she went to the rescue and defeated the boss with ease. After her trainer got his face back Alchremie asked him if she could travel with the team to stop the Darker Lord, and her trainer quickly agreed. After this the team notice that Alchremie is a bit cautious, worries about a lot of things and likes to be ready for everything. Episode ideas: Now a lot of the series would be about the team saving Miitopia, but some episodes would be mainly about character growth and stuff like that. Some episode ideas I have: Lilligant the Shy Flower: After a battle with a strong demon, who made Lilligant worried about everything, it wouldn't wear off even in the safe spot, following a montage of the team trying to return her to normal like Mallow cooking her some magic food, Purp, Icecreamsandwich and Rocky pulling a prank on Olimar to cheer her up, Gideon telling a joke to cheer her up, or Steve just downright slapping her and many others, they figured that nothing could work until when the same demon invaded the inn and almost destroyed her team, Lilligant pushed herself and unleashed a hurricane blowing the demon away. Chaotic Tea Time: In the foreground we can see Lilligant and Tsareena having a tea party and chatting, while in the background Gideon and Golurk try to kill a fiend with all sorts of shenanigans, and the episode keeps switching from foreground to background and it ends with Golurk unleashing a powerful laser boosted with some energy cells Gideon has which ended up leveling half the forest.
submitted by CaptainCyro to videogames [link] [comments]
2024.05.16 22:03 KelDurant Debating Christians on Psychedelics
So, I'm a Christian. I was raised Christian, left, and through psychedelics came back to faith. First, I want to say I am not encouraging anyone to take them, but this is just my argument.
I feel Christians' perspective on psychedelics is more impacted by what the government tells us is good and bad, and not by what is actually good and bad. If nicotine and antidepressants were banned by the government and given bad press purposely, Christians all around would be saying, "God hates nicotine and antidepressants."
I understand the "be of sober mind" verse and agree with it. But what is considered sober? Is it anything above base level? Some people's sober is other people's drunkenness. Are you sober when taking antidepressants? Or Adderall? Or pain meds? Allergy medication can put you to sleep, even while driving—are you now not sober minded?
I still take mushrooms today, in small doses in the morning or sometimes before I go to the movies. Mainly, they just enhance my senses and make me happier and more creative. I work a creative job. I am completely sober doing so, to a degree that feels more sober than base level.
The arguments I hear Christians make against psychedelics seem weak and can be applied to so many other substances that they consider ok. I'm sure a lot of you got your wisdom teeth removed. Halcion and Valium can be very psychoactive—I know they were for me. But no, God is okay with those, just not the ones that grow out of the ground. They have to be made in a lab... I just don't get it.
To summarize my point: I'm only going to argue for mushrooms because that's all I've taken, but this could extend to others. It's only a matter of time until psychedelics are decriminalized. After that, it's only a matter of time before they are used medically and become FDA approved. Mushrooms have recorded many possible benefits to mental health, depression, addiction, trauma, etc. The methods we have today have very low success rates and are produced using many different lab-made chemicals. I'm not making an argument against medicine, just saying. The only argument I can see is abuse of these substances, but you can die from too many bananas and cherries. That argument can be used for everything.
The argument "they put you in the spirit realm" is not a factual statement, just an assumption. I don't know if I would disgree with that claim though. But same thing could be said for breath work, are you now not sober because you meditated?
What is a good argument against the use of these substances? Am I missing something?
submitted by KelDurant to Christianity [link] [comments]
I feel Christians' perspective on psychedelics is more impacted by what the government tells us is good and bad, and not by what is actually good and bad. If nicotine and antidepressants were banned by the government and given bad press purposely, Christians all around would be saying, "God hates nicotine and antidepressants."
I understand the "be of sober mind" verse and agree with it. But what is considered sober? Is it anything above base level? Some people's sober is other people's drunkenness. Are you sober when taking antidepressants? Or Adderall? Or pain meds? Allergy medication can put you to sleep, even while driving—are you now not sober minded?
I still take mushrooms today, in small doses in the morning or sometimes before I go to the movies. Mainly, they just enhance my senses and make me happier and more creative. I work a creative job. I am completely sober doing so, to a degree that feels more sober than base level.
The arguments I hear Christians make against psychedelics seem weak and can be applied to so many other substances that they consider ok. I'm sure a lot of you got your wisdom teeth removed. Halcion and Valium can be very psychoactive—I know they were for me. But no, God is okay with those, just not the ones that grow out of the ground. They have to be made in a lab... I just don't get it.
To summarize my point: I'm only going to argue for mushrooms because that's all I've taken, but this could extend to others. It's only a matter of time until psychedelics are decriminalized. After that, it's only a matter of time before they are used medically and become FDA approved. Mushrooms have recorded many possible benefits to mental health, depression, addiction, trauma, etc. The methods we have today have very low success rates and are produced using many different lab-made chemicals. I'm not making an argument against medicine, just saying. The only argument I can see is abuse of these substances, but you can die from too many bananas and cherries. That argument can be used for everything.
The argument "they put you in the spirit realm" is not a factual statement, just an assumption. I don't know if I would disgree with that claim though. But same thing could be said for breath work, are you now not sober because you meditated?
What is a good argument against the use of these substances? Am I missing something?
2024.05.16 22:00 hoggersbridge Engines of Arachnea: The Bug Planet (Chapter 21: Kryptus)
Link for all the chapters available here: Engines of Arachnea on Royal Road
Having said his piece, Rene had expected the woman to accept her role as a prisoner of the Fleet. But no sooner had he taken his knee of her back than she was at him again, rolling over and cursing as she tried to spit him on her claws. Training kicked in and Rene applied the wrestling component of his hand-to-hand combat course. He secured underhooks with his arms, locking them together with his hands and hugging her tight from behind. Zildiz bucked and twisted around in a futile attempt to make room for her blades, even managing to get one of her knees beneath her and push off the ground. Rene allowed her to gain her feet, cunningly using the opening to slip the loop of his encircling arms around her waist. Now in complete control of her center of gravity, Rene swung his leg out and arched his back, heaving her up and over like a sack of turnips in a textbook suplex. A fraction of a second before he smashed the top of her skull into the hard ground, he remembered that he was supposed to keep prisoners alive and preferably not in a vegetative state, and so he cushioned the fall with his own body, falling on his side to increase surface area and dissipate the force.
Zildiz was caught totally by surprise. Unlike Rene she had neglected to tuck in her chin before the moment of impact, a vital detail which was one of the first things a recruit was taught to do on the mats.
“Oof!” she said as all the breath slammed out of her by the throw. Rene felt her body go limp as her dazed senses tried to adjust to the violent change of orientation. He took advantage of this moment of weakness and looped his legs around her body, locking his ankles together to form a full body triangle. His left forearm punched up and took her neck in a rear naked choke, a suffocating vise formed by the insides of his elbow crushing her windpipe and carotid arteries.
“I warned you,” he told her. His choking hand grabbed the inside of his other elbow, right forearm sneaking behind her neck and under his armpit, tightening the garrote even further.
“Had enough?”
“Hrrnnkk…” Zildiz choked. She lifted an arm and slid back the blade until it was the length of a finger, deliberately giving Rene the universal gesture to go and fornicate with himself, before sheathing the claw entirely and aiming her fist at him over her shoulder.
Rene ducked as the blade shot out again, only just avoiding it going through his eye socket and into his brain. As it was, it only nicked his temple, sending warm lines of blood trickling down his visor. Rene hugged her even tighter, constricting the chokehold until he heard her breathing reduced to an agonized wheeze. He throttled her until she stopped moving, her struggles weakening until she went completely lax. Then he held the choke for exactly three seconds longer, counting carefully to avoid giving her lasting brain damage. He let go and was relieved to hear her snoring faintly. Gently rolling her onto her back so she didn’t suffocate in the dirt, Rene cast about for a means to secure his prisoner. He had only a few seconds before she regained consciousness. Quickly he cut some vines from the surrounding trees and knotted them into a crude rope. He flipped her back over again and tied her hands at the wrists and elbows. He had no illusions that it would hold her for long. He tied her wings together at their bases for good measure. She had two sets of them, but the larger pair was missing one of its partners that had been torn off at the socket to reveal a gaping wound. They were wondrously tough membranes considering how thin and flexible they were, as sturdy as ultrapod leather. Rene looked over his work and loosened it a bit so as not to cut off the circulation in her arms. It wasn’t bad for something done on the fly. Then again, he’d been playing this whole thing by ear ever since the ambush that had cut his unit to pieces. Ye gods, but that whole experience felt like a lifetime ago. He had not expected to ever use that component of his hand-to-hand training designed for fighting human opponents. Of course, he’d helped put down a fair share of civil unrest in his time, but even during the worst of the food riots in Mound Ulysses he’d never so much as given a person a light shove. The civilians knew better than to antagonize a battalion of the Fleet’s finest over something as routine and reoccurring as a government rationing in the face of crop failure.
He felt quite bad about having to roughhouse the woman, that is, until she sat up awake and glowered hatefully at him, coughing and retching.
“Don’t,” he pleaded with her in exasperation as she gave him the old stink eye, “I don’t want to fight you again.”
“Why?” she spat defiantly, “Afraid you’d lose?”
“Uh huh,” Rene grunted, amused and even a little impressed by her spunk. She couldn’t have weighed more than sixty kilos soaking wet and was at least half a foot shorter than him even with that exomorph of hers, but this woman was all fight and no quit. She would have to be, living on the surface world and facing these abominations day after day. Rene looked at the dismembered corpses of the black-furred devils and had a sudden jolt of inspiration. As Zildiz tested the strength of her restraints Rene went over to the monster he had chopped to bits and poked the misshapen hump on its back, which had excreted thick ribbons of silk at the moment of death. Feeling more than a little squeamish, Rene pulled on the threads of silk. He had only meant to collect two or three meters of the material, but more and more of the stuff kept unwinding out its glands like a handkerchief from a magician’s pocket. Eventually his hands became enmeshed in the horrid stuff and he had to struggle like the dickens to unstick himself and scrape it off onto a bush where it stuck like a lumpy hammock. Remembering how his enemy had plugged the stab wound in its gut, Rene snapped off a twig and curled it into the white mess like those vendors at the fairs did with candy cloud treats, ending up with a spool of silk. He applied it to the cut on his temple by winding it around his head like a bandage, and was gratified when it stopped the bleeding almost immediately. He heard the rustle of dead leaves and turned around to find Zildiz furtively attempting to sidle away from him.
“Don’t even try it,” he told her, “Or I’ll run you down and knock you senseless. I’m taking you back to civilization. The Fleet needs to know what it’s up against out here, and you’re a veritable trove of information.”
Zildiz squatted back down and stared at him, simmering with resentment. Rene shook his head and continued his work, moving on to the monster that had been the first to die at the woman’s hands. Cutting open its hump, Rene was rewarded with a dense lump of thread still packed inside its spinneret. He took another twig and spooled it in, then wrapped the bundle of silk in a large leaf.
A leg twitched of its own accord. Rene nearly dropped the bundle as he sprang back, sword upraised. The devil’s limbs began doing a tap dance and Rene relaxed a bit, recognizing it as the onset of rigor mortis. The side of its face was split open and hanging loosely by a strap of flesh. Struck by a nagging suspicion, Rene stooped down and peeled off the segments of its head, holding the edge of his sword against its neck to decapitate it in the event that it proved too lively for his liking.
The musculature and armor tore away just like it had with Zildiz’s helm, and for the second time that night he found himself staring into the face of another living human being. Only this time it was a man whose face was utterly disfigured, a perversion of the basic form. In the place of his lower jaw were fingerlike protrusions of gummy tissue and exposed nerve endings. His nose cartilage was likewise missing, leaving only a pair of holes dribbling with snot. The man blinked, and glassy eyes with almost no whites at their edges fixed Rene in their gaze.
“Kill…me…” the man whispered.
Rene began to shake uncontrollably, wiping a trembling hand across his mouth as he was forced to consider the carnage he’d just wrought in a new and horrifying light. These weren’t three dead monsters littering the jungle floor; these were three dead men, and some of them he had killed himself.
“Kill me!” the man begged him. He was young, barely Rene’s age, his smooth skin untroubled by the wrinkles of age and worry. He had clear brown pupils and dark, expressive brows. If it weren’t for all the rest of him, Rene might’ve mistaken him for a fresh-faced recruit at the academy, or a paperboy climbing up the terraced apartments of inner hive to deliver news of the Fleet’s latest victory.
On unsteady legs Rene staggered back to Zildiz’s side and away from the awful truth he had uncovered.
“Something the matter?” Zildiz asked in a gleeful tone, “Feeling a little worse for wear, are we?”
“Shut it,” Rene said distantly. He dragged Zildiz to her feet and began winding the silk around her wrists, layering them over thick and tying them off with a simple knot. He kept the vines on her for added insurance and told her to start walking.
“Where to?” she demanded.
“I’m not feeding you to my children, if that’s what you’re asking,” he muttered, “I don’t have any to begin with, and even if I did, I sure as hell wouldn’t raise them to be cannibals.”
Zildiz didn’t move, so Rene grabbed her and frog marched her away. He had no real destination in mind—he just had to get away from this place and the bodies he’d made. Zildiz rounded on Rene, saying:
“Aren’t you going to deal with him? I only severed his neural connection to paralyze his exomorph. He’s still very much alive.”
“No!” Rene yelled, “That’s not how I—how people do things. Almighty ancestors, is that so hard for you to grasp?”
“Yes,” Zildiz replied quite candidly.
“He’s a living, breathing human being. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but those are pretty rare on Arachnea and worth keeping around.”
“No. He is a Leaper. After extracting your gilt helix, he and his packmates would devoured you right then and there.”
“That’s why you saved me, isn’t it? So they couldn’t obtain this shiny helix thing?”
Zildiz ignored his question, continuing:
“If you leave him here, at best he will die of exposure. At worst, his tribe will come looking for him, and if they find him, they will run us down and kill us anyway.”
Rene bit his lip. She spoke the truth and they both knew it. But after all this world had already taken from him, there remained one thing which he refused to part with. And Rene knew that if he gave in now and took the expedient option—the sensible option—he would be surrendering it forever.
“Sorry,” he said finally, “That’s against the rules.”
He dragged Zildiz over to the Leaper and spoke to him, saying:
“I won’t kill you. I’m not about to eat you either, so you can stop begging for a quick death. As long as you tell me what I want to know, we’ll leave you here and go our separate ways. I might even patch your wounds if you’re cooperative. Does that strike you as a fair bargain?”
The Leaper met this pronouncement with a look of utter perplexity that mirrored the one on Zildiz’s face.
“I’ll take that silence as a yes,” Rene said impatiently, “You’ll begin by telling me your name.”
“Kryptusshh,” the Leaper said slowly, as if not daring to hope.
“Very good. Are there any more of your people out there, Kryptus?”
“Why sshhould I trusht you? I would only be dooming more of my kindred, and there issh no certainty you would not kill me afterwardssh.”
“It’s a chance you have to take,” Rene shrugged, “Either that, or I’ll let this woman do as she pleases with you. And just between you and me,” he said in a loud stage whisper, “She doesn’t seem all that fond of your sort.”
Zildiz and Kryptus locked eyes with each other. Rene could almost feel the waves of hatred coming off her as she bristled, every tendon in her body tensing expectantly. Kryptus must have seen something he didn’t like, for he looked away and said:
“I am a warrior of the Weeping Vipersh. We are roughly eleven hundred sshtrong. One tenth of that number are bravesshh like me.”
“He lies,” Zildiz said, baring her teeth in a snarl, “That is less than half their true strength. He does not count the adolescents and the old loom-mothers, who are the deadliest of their kind.”
“Three hundred, then, if they are consshidered,” Kryptman quickly admitted, “Your pardon, merciful one.”
“I’ll excuse your forgetfulness just this once,” Rene warned, “But your memory better not fail you again.”
He questioned the Leaper closely. Kryptus claimed that only he and his pack had seen the safety pod’s crash landing, and that they had told no one else as they wished to claim the great prize all for themselves. The Weeping Vipers were the largest tribe in the rainforest and were always looking for an advantage over their numerous and belligerent neighbors. Apparently Kryptus had hoped to gain a modicum of the Divine Engine’s power by extracting something called a ‘gilt helix’ from Rene’s blood.
“Jussht one sample would have shatishfied uss,” Kryptus swore, “Then we would have taken you back to the Loom alive.”
“I’m sure nothing would’ve pleased you better,” Rene said wryly, all too cognizant of Zildiz’s earlier assumption that he planned to feed her to the Fleet’s youth.
Rene learned from Kryptus that the Divine Engine had ignited a blazing wildfire that was swiftly spreading north and west. The tribes would likely have noticed it by now, and would all be sending braves in a joint effort to douse the flames. For some reason all the Leapers felt collectively responsible for the wellbeing of the region, and could not allow it to come to harm for fear of dire repercussions.
“Last question. Is anyone going to come looking for you?”
“Not till the morning.”
“Good!” said Zildiz, breaking out of Rene’s grip and aiming a vicious kick at the side of the Leaper’s head. Rene barely caught her and yanked her back, shouting:
“Blood and thunder, woman! Is there nothing you won’t do to piss me off?”
“Are you insane? You cannot possibly mean to leave him alive!” the Gallivant hissed.
“That’s exactly what I’m going to do. Now come here!”
Rene took her by the elbow and pulled her forward, leaving Kryptus where he lay.
“You promished you would tend to my woundssh!” the Leaper cried after them.
“Don’t push your luck!” Rene said over his shoulder, “Anyone who follows us will meet the same end as your friends.”
He and his prisoner went tramping off into the night, Zildiz raging at him all the while.
“Fool! We will both come to regret that decision!”
“You’re probably right,” Rene had to agree.
“Then why did you do it?”
“For the same reason I’m letting you strut around and screech into my ear. What can I say? I’m a conversationalist.”
Link for all the chapters available here: Engines of Arachnea on Royal Road
submitted by hoggersbridge to HFY [link] [comments]
Having said his piece, Rene had expected the woman to accept her role as a prisoner of the Fleet. But no sooner had he taken his knee of her back than she was at him again, rolling over and cursing as she tried to spit him on her claws. Training kicked in and Rene applied the wrestling component of his hand-to-hand combat course. He secured underhooks with his arms, locking them together with his hands and hugging her tight from behind. Zildiz bucked and twisted around in a futile attempt to make room for her blades, even managing to get one of her knees beneath her and push off the ground. Rene allowed her to gain her feet, cunningly using the opening to slip the loop of his encircling arms around her waist. Now in complete control of her center of gravity, Rene swung his leg out and arched his back, heaving her up and over like a sack of turnips in a textbook suplex. A fraction of a second before he smashed the top of her skull into the hard ground, he remembered that he was supposed to keep prisoners alive and preferably not in a vegetative state, and so he cushioned the fall with his own body, falling on his side to increase surface area and dissipate the force.
Zildiz was caught totally by surprise. Unlike Rene she had neglected to tuck in her chin before the moment of impact, a vital detail which was one of the first things a recruit was taught to do on the mats.
“Oof!” she said as all the breath slammed out of her by the throw. Rene felt her body go limp as her dazed senses tried to adjust to the violent change of orientation. He took advantage of this moment of weakness and looped his legs around her body, locking his ankles together to form a full body triangle. His left forearm punched up and took her neck in a rear naked choke, a suffocating vise formed by the insides of his elbow crushing her windpipe and carotid arteries.
“I warned you,” he told her. His choking hand grabbed the inside of his other elbow, right forearm sneaking behind her neck and under his armpit, tightening the garrote even further.
“Had enough?”
“Hrrnnkk…” Zildiz choked. She lifted an arm and slid back the blade until it was the length of a finger, deliberately giving Rene the universal gesture to go and fornicate with himself, before sheathing the claw entirely and aiming her fist at him over her shoulder.
Rene ducked as the blade shot out again, only just avoiding it going through his eye socket and into his brain. As it was, it only nicked his temple, sending warm lines of blood trickling down his visor. Rene hugged her even tighter, constricting the chokehold until he heard her breathing reduced to an agonized wheeze. He throttled her until she stopped moving, her struggles weakening until she went completely lax. Then he held the choke for exactly three seconds longer, counting carefully to avoid giving her lasting brain damage. He let go and was relieved to hear her snoring faintly. Gently rolling her onto her back so she didn’t suffocate in the dirt, Rene cast about for a means to secure his prisoner. He had only a few seconds before she regained consciousness. Quickly he cut some vines from the surrounding trees and knotted them into a crude rope. He flipped her back over again and tied her hands at the wrists and elbows. He had no illusions that it would hold her for long. He tied her wings together at their bases for good measure. She had two sets of them, but the larger pair was missing one of its partners that had been torn off at the socket to reveal a gaping wound. They were wondrously tough membranes considering how thin and flexible they were, as sturdy as ultrapod leather. Rene looked over his work and loosened it a bit so as not to cut off the circulation in her arms. It wasn’t bad for something done on the fly. Then again, he’d been playing this whole thing by ear ever since the ambush that had cut his unit to pieces. Ye gods, but that whole experience felt like a lifetime ago. He had not expected to ever use that component of his hand-to-hand training designed for fighting human opponents. Of course, he’d helped put down a fair share of civil unrest in his time, but even during the worst of the food riots in Mound Ulysses he’d never so much as given a person a light shove. The civilians knew better than to antagonize a battalion of the Fleet’s finest over something as routine and reoccurring as a government rationing in the face of crop failure.
He felt quite bad about having to roughhouse the woman, that is, until she sat up awake and glowered hatefully at him, coughing and retching.
“Don’t,” he pleaded with her in exasperation as she gave him the old stink eye, “I don’t want to fight you again.”
“Why?” she spat defiantly, “Afraid you’d lose?”
“Uh huh,” Rene grunted, amused and even a little impressed by her spunk. She couldn’t have weighed more than sixty kilos soaking wet and was at least half a foot shorter than him even with that exomorph of hers, but this woman was all fight and no quit. She would have to be, living on the surface world and facing these abominations day after day. Rene looked at the dismembered corpses of the black-furred devils and had a sudden jolt of inspiration. As Zildiz tested the strength of her restraints Rene went over to the monster he had chopped to bits and poked the misshapen hump on its back, which had excreted thick ribbons of silk at the moment of death. Feeling more than a little squeamish, Rene pulled on the threads of silk. He had only meant to collect two or three meters of the material, but more and more of the stuff kept unwinding out its glands like a handkerchief from a magician’s pocket. Eventually his hands became enmeshed in the horrid stuff and he had to struggle like the dickens to unstick himself and scrape it off onto a bush where it stuck like a lumpy hammock. Remembering how his enemy had plugged the stab wound in its gut, Rene snapped off a twig and curled it into the white mess like those vendors at the fairs did with candy cloud treats, ending up with a spool of silk. He applied it to the cut on his temple by winding it around his head like a bandage, and was gratified when it stopped the bleeding almost immediately. He heard the rustle of dead leaves and turned around to find Zildiz furtively attempting to sidle away from him.
“Don’t even try it,” he told her, “Or I’ll run you down and knock you senseless. I’m taking you back to civilization. The Fleet needs to know what it’s up against out here, and you’re a veritable trove of information.”
Zildiz squatted back down and stared at him, simmering with resentment. Rene shook his head and continued his work, moving on to the monster that had been the first to die at the woman’s hands. Cutting open its hump, Rene was rewarded with a dense lump of thread still packed inside its spinneret. He took another twig and spooled it in, then wrapped the bundle of silk in a large leaf.
A leg twitched of its own accord. Rene nearly dropped the bundle as he sprang back, sword upraised. The devil’s limbs began doing a tap dance and Rene relaxed a bit, recognizing it as the onset of rigor mortis. The side of its face was split open and hanging loosely by a strap of flesh. Struck by a nagging suspicion, Rene stooped down and peeled off the segments of its head, holding the edge of his sword against its neck to decapitate it in the event that it proved too lively for his liking.
The musculature and armor tore away just like it had with Zildiz’s helm, and for the second time that night he found himself staring into the face of another living human being. Only this time it was a man whose face was utterly disfigured, a perversion of the basic form. In the place of his lower jaw were fingerlike protrusions of gummy tissue and exposed nerve endings. His nose cartilage was likewise missing, leaving only a pair of holes dribbling with snot. The man blinked, and glassy eyes with almost no whites at their edges fixed Rene in their gaze.
“Kill…me…” the man whispered.
Rene began to shake uncontrollably, wiping a trembling hand across his mouth as he was forced to consider the carnage he’d just wrought in a new and horrifying light. These weren’t three dead monsters littering the jungle floor; these were three dead men, and some of them he had killed himself.
“Kill me!” the man begged him. He was young, barely Rene’s age, his smooth skin untroubled by the wrinkles of age and worry. He had clear brown pupils and dark, expressive brows. If it weren’t for all the rest of him, Rene might’ve mistaken him for a fresh-faced recruit at the academy, or a paperboy climbing up the terraced apartments of inner hive to deliver news of the Fleet’s latest victory.
On unsteady legs Rene staggered back to Zildiz’s side and away from the awful truth he had uncovered.
“Something the matter?” Zildiz asked in a gleeful tone, “Feeling a little worse for wear, are we?”
“Shut it,” Rene said distantly. He dragged Zildiz to her feet and began winding the silk around her wrists, layering them over thick and tying them off with a simple knot. He kept the vines on her for added insurance and told her to start walking.
“Where to?” she demanded.
“I’m not feeding you to my children, if that’s what you’re asking,” he muttered, “I don’t have any to begin with, and even if I did, I sure as hell wouldn’t raise them to be cannibals.”
Zildiz didn’t move, so Rene grabbed her and frog marched her away. He had no real destination in mind—he just had to get away from this place and the bodies he’d made. Zildiz rounded on Rene, saying:
“Aren’t you going to deal with him? I only severed his neural connection to paralyze his exomorph. He’s still very much alive.”
“No!” Rene yelled, “That’s not how I—how people do things. Almighty ancestors, is that so hard for you to grasp?”
“Yes,” Zildiz replied quite candidly.
“He’s a living, breathing human being. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but those are pretty rare on Arachnea and worth keeping around.”
“No. He is a Leaper. After extracting your gilt helix, he and his packmates would devoured you right then and there.”
“That’s why you saved me, isn’t it? So they couldn’t obtain this shiny helix thing?”
Zildiz ignored his question, continuing:
“If you leave him here, at best he will die of exposure. At worst, his tribe will come looking for him, and if they find him, they will run us down and kill us anyway.”
Rene bit his lip. She spoke the truth and they both knew it. But after all this world had already taken from him, there remained one thing which he refused to part with. And Rene knew that if he gave in now and took the expedient option—the sensible option—he would be surrendering it forever.
“Sorry,” he said finally, “That’s against the rules.”
He dragged Zildiz over to the Leaper and spoke to him, saying:
“I won’t kill you. I’m not about to eat you either, so you can stop begging for a quick death. As long as you tell me what I want to know, we’ll leave you here and go our separate ways. I might even patch your wounds if you’re cooperative. Does that strike you as a fair bargain?”
The Leaper met this pronouncement with a look of utter perplexity that mirrored the one on Zildiz’s face.
“I’ll take that silence as a yes,” Rene said impatiently, “You’ll begin by telling me your name.”
“Kryptusshh,” the Leaper said slowly, as if not daring to hope.
“Very good. Are there any more of your people out there, Kryptus?”
“Why sshhould I trusht you? I would only be dooming more of my kindred, and there issh no certainty you would not kill me afterwardssh.”
“It’s a chance you have to take,” Rene shrugged, “Either that, or I’ll let this woman do as she pleases with you. And just between you and me,” he said in a loud stage whisper, “She doesn’t seem all that fond of your sort.”
Zildiz and Kryptus locked eyes with each other. Rene could almost feel the waves of hatred coming off her as she bristled, every tendon in her body tensing expectantly. Kryptus must have seen something he didn’t like, for he looked away and said:
“I am a warrior of the Weeping Vipersh. We are roughly eleven hundred sshtrong. One tenth of that number are bravesshh like me.”
“He lies,” Zildiz said, baring her teeth in a snarl, “That is less than half their true strength. He does not count the adolescents and the old loom-mothers, who are the deadliest of their kind.”
“Three hundred, then, if they are consshidered,” Kryptman quickly admitted, “Your pardon, merciful one.”
“I’ll excuse your forgetfulness just this once,” Rene warned, “But your memory better not fail you again.”
He questioned the Leaper closely. Kryptus claimed that only he and his pack had seen the safety pod’s crash landing, and that they had told no one else as they wished to claim the great prize all for themselves. The Weeping Vipers were the largest tribe in the rainforest and were always looking for an advantage over their numerous and belligerent neighbors. Apparently Kryptus had hoped to gain a modicum of the Divine Engine’s power by extracting something called a ‘gilt helix’ from Rene’s blood.
“Jussht one sample would have shatishfied uss,” Kryptus swore, “Then we would have taken you back to the Loom alive.”
“I’m sure nothing would’ve pleased you better,” Rene said wryly, all too cognizant of Zildiz’s earlier assumption that he planned to feed her to the Fleet’s youth.
Rene learned from Kryptus that the Divine Engine had ignited a blazing wildfire that was swiftly spreading north and west. The tribes would likely have noticed it by now, and would all be sending braves in a joint effort to douse the flames. For some reason all the Leapers felt collectively responsible for the wellbeing of the region, and could not allow it to come to harm for fear of dire repercussions.
“Last question. Is anyone going to come looking for you?”
“Not till the morning.”
“Good!” said Zildiz, breaking out of Rene’s grip and aiming a vicious kick at the side of the Leaper’s head. Rene barely caught her and yanked her back, shouting:
“Blood and thunder, woman! Is there nothing you won’t do to piss me off?”
“Are you insane? You cannot possibly mean to leave him alive!” the Gallivant hissed.
“That’s exactly what I’m going to do. Now come here!”
Rene took her by the elbow and pulled her forward, leaving Kryptus where he lay.
“You promished you would tend to my woundssh!” the Leaper cried after them.
“Don’t push your luck!” Rene said over his shoulder, “Anyone who follows us will meet the same end as your friends.”
He and his prisoner went tramping off into the night, Zildiz raging at him all the while.
“Fool! We will both come to regret that decision!”
“You’re probably right,” Rene had to agree.
“Then why did you do it?”
“For the same reason I’m letting you strut around and screech into my ear. What can I say? I’m a conversationalist.”
Link for all the chapters available here: Engines of Arachnea on Royal Road
2024.05.16 22:00 SharkEva [New Update] - I lost my wife three years ago. Started dating again, and new girlfriend wants to visit my wife's grave.
I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/ThrowRASadsadboon posting in relationship_advice
Concluded as per OOP
1 update - Medium
Original - 17th February 2024
Update - 23rd February 2024
Previous BORU is here
1 New Update
Update 2 - 15th May 2024
I (29M) lost my wife three years ago. Started dating again, and new girlfriend (32F) wants to visit my wife's grave.
I am one of many who lost someone in that damn 2020. She was my world and we had our future all set up, she wanted children too by 2021, and then she was gone.
I felt I had lost all sense of purpose and after an agonizing year, moved away - not too far, but not close either. I didn't feel like I could breathe in that town. Still, every Saturday I get back and visit her resting place.
I just functioned for about two years - I am not depressed or anything like that, but I just functioned. Until I met who we will call Ada last year.
We started talking and hanging out together. She can be a bit haughty with people she doesn't know well but I was surprised to find out how sweet and kind she is under the ice. She gave me something to look forward to again. She likes to do most of the talking herself, which is fine with me because I never know what to say.
She knows everything about my wife, and this didn't discourage her. She knows I am doing therapy and still mourning, but she never left me alone. I asked her to tell me if anything I do or say makes her feel uncomfortable or like she's not a priority - she said that as of now I am doing nothing of the sort. She knows what I do every Saturday morning, and never objected to it. But today she said she would like to "meet her", as in accompany me in visiting her grave.
I feel conflicted about this. On one hand I respect and feel touched by her wish, on other it feels... weird, for a guy to take the new girlfriend where the first wife is buried. How should I approach this? Is it too soon, should I ask her to wait for that?
TL;DR I am a widower who started dating. Girlfriend wants to visit my wife's grave and I have conflicting feelings about it.
Comments
jiddlyjidson
Waiting is fine if you are not ready. It feels like she wants to support you in something that was (and am sure still is) pretty traumatic. Joining you to visit isn’t about meeting your wife, it’s about being with you whilst you are still grieving/recovering.
Inner-Pianist-7628
Came here to say this last part. She genuinely wants to be apart of your life and support you bro. This is actually kind of beautiful. On the flip note it’s totally understandable that you might not be ready though.
Update - 6 days later
Some additional info and an update.
Some redditors and some people around us were worried that my relationship with Ada is just a rebound. I admit is something that I too was worried about, and Ada told me she didn't have long lasting expectations at first.
We began dating in April 2023, but as things progressed and she saw my intentions are serious and I'm committed, her doubts about me were gone. She says we are made of the same stuff - we are two loyal, committed and hardworking people and she wants a future with me. And so do I. We are looking for a new place to share and I'm looking for the ring to make my proposal.
I admit that one of my biggest concerns is that I don't want to take advantage of her goodwill, even unintentionally. Her kindness and patience are near infinite, but I told her I don't want our relationship to be all about my past, it would not be fair for her. She reassured me she doesn't feel taken advantage of and that I do a lot to make her feel loved and appreciated for who she is, but at the same she recognizes this is a part of me she's willing to accept to be with me.
To my surprise, everyone approves of us - my parents, Ada's parents, and my late wife's mother. We never got any backlash.
On the update. I talked about this with my therapist. She feels that based on what she knows about Ada and the way she always behaved about this, that bringing her to my wife's grave will probably be a positive thing. So I told Ada that if she feels like it, I'd be glad to take her with me this Saturday. She was happy to hear this, she usually works on Saturday mornings, but said she'd take the morning off for me.
However I had unexpected things come up for tomorrow - I have to cover for a sick coworker, which means I'll be taken all morning and great part of the afternoon. It happens, and when it happens I either go on Friday or Sunday. I decided to go this afternoon (we are in Europe, it's evening here) and asked Ada if she wanted to come along - and she readily agreed.
We didn't talk much during the drive. When we arrived, we made our way to my wife's tombstone and I just said "Well, here she is". I fetched the water for the flowers and start my usual routine, Ada just crouched as if to examine it. Then she just helped me with the caretaking routine, removing the dead leaves and flowers, and cleaning the picture and the light. We then took a walk around the cemetery (might sound weird, but it's not unusual here as many cemeteries double as parks here) then sat outside for a smoke before the drive back.
We talked a bit, and Ada, who's quite the stoic, got a little emotional. She was happy I had let her in on such what for me is a particularly intimate and sacred place, but also shaken because after all the talking we had done of my late wife she subconsciously thought of her as someone she'd want to meet and be friends with, but seeing the grave reminded and cemented the fact that this amazing woman is gone. It was a bit of shaking for me too seeing her tearing up, since she's the most stoic woman I've ever met, but also made me think how this woman is a rare gem.
I don't doubt that in different circumstances, my late wife and Ada would have been great friends. And I'm a very lucky guy for finding not one, but two amazing woman which gave and still give my life meaning every day.
TL;DR I brought my girlfriend to my late wife's grave, and things went well.
Comments
TBagger1234
I’ve read so many posts here about people who have lost their partner and their new partner wants them to remove all memory of them as if they aren’t an important part of your life story. Ada is a good one. All the best OP!
grandmasvilla
You are blessed to meet someone like Ada who is kind and understanding. Show your appreciation for her with your love and make her happy for the rest of your life. All the best.
Update 2 - 3 months later
Hello, I hope everyone here is well.
For a couple of months I had forgotten about this account, but I gave it a look the other day and read again all the beautiful comments and some very touching private messages. Again, thank you all for your interest and kindness.
Ada and I are doing well and we have found a place to move in together. If all goes well we'll be living together by July. Last month was the fourth anniversary of my late wife's passing. Ada was with me and held my hand.
I was a bit depressed like I am always am on our anniversaries, but Ada made it better. Sometimes I dream about my late wife, her coming back home, but either she never talks or I never remember what she says. However, when I dreamed her that night, in the dream there was Ada as well and they met each other. She was very happy about us and told me she's happy Ada is there for me when she can't.
I talked with Ada about the dream, and we agreed it's my brain telling me it's okay to move on. I'll always love, honor and cherish my late wife, but now there is Ada who is giving me so much and deserves to be happy, to be loved and honored the way she deserves. And I don't intend to disappoint her.
As an aside, Ada also said that who knows, it could also be the spirit of my late wife visiting me in the only place she can, my dreams. She says we can see like that if we take the spiritual approach. Honestly I wouldn't know, death is one of those mysteries only those who passed have discovered, and they can't tell us.
We are doing well. We have also managed to program our first true vacation together and I was proud to formally introduce Ada as my partner when my company's CEO invited me to dinner with her husband.
It's an exciting new journey and we are thrilled to see where it will lead us. We are a team and we have a game plan.
TL;dr Things are good.
Comments
BigIronBruce
It's ok to move on, I'm sure your wife would want that but be careful of interpreting dreams.
mak_zaddy
I love a great Reddit update. A true palate cleanser.
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
submitted by SharkEva to BORUpdates [link] [comments]
Concluded as per OOP
1 update - Medium
Original - 17th February 2024
Update - 23rd February 2024
Previous BORU is here
1 New Update
Update 2 - 15th May 2024
I (29M) lost my wife three years ago. Started dating again, and new girlfriend (32F) wants to visit my wife's grave.
I am one of many who lost someone in that damn 2020. She was my world and we had our future all set up, she wanted children too by 2021, and then she was gone.
I felt I had lost all sense of purpose and after an agonizing year, moved away - not too far, but not close either. I didn't feel like I could breathe in that town. Still, every Saturday I get back and visit her resting place.
I just functioned for about two years - I am not depressed or anything like that, but I just functioned. Until I met who we will call Ada last year.
We started talking and hanging out together. She can be a bit haughty with people she doesn't know well but I was surprised to find out how sweet and kind she is under the ice. She gave me something to look forward to again. She likes to do most of the talking herself, which is fine with me because I never know what to say.
She knows everything about my wife, and this didn't discourage her. She knows I am doing therapy and still mourning, but she never left me alone. I asked her to tell me if anything I do or say makes her feel uncomfortable or like she's not a priority - she said that as of now I am doing nothing of the sort. She knows what I do every Saturday morning, and never objected to it. But today she said she would like to "meet her", as in accompany me in visiting her grave.
I feel conflicted about this. On one hand I respect and feel touched by her wish, on other it feels... weird, for a guy to take the new girlfriend where the first wife is buried. How should I approach this? Is it too soon, should I ask her to wait for that?
TL;DR I am a widower who started dating. Girlfriend wants to visit my wife's grave and I have conflicting feelings about it.
Comments
jiddlyjidson
Waiting is fine if you are not ready. It feels like she wants to support you in something that was (and am sure still is) pretty traumatic. Joining you to visit isn’t about meeting your wife, it’s about being with you whilst you are still grieving/recovering.
Inner-Pianist-7628
Came here to say this last part. She genuinely wants to be apart of your life and support you bro. This is actually kind of beautiful. On the flip note it’s totally understandable that you might not be ready though.
OOP: Thank you. I admit that one of my biggest concerns is that I don't want to take advantage of her goodwill, even unintentionally. Her kindness and patience are near infinite, but I told her I don't want our relationship to be all about this, it would not be fair for her. She reassured me she doesn't feel taken advantage of and that I do a lot to make her feel loved and appreciated for who she is, but at the same she recognizes this is a part of me she's willing to accept to be with me.
To clarify, I don't do anything dramatic like talking to her grave or crying my eyes out when I visit. I just keep it clean, water the flowers and replace the dead ones, check the wear and tear on the stone, and clean the glass with her picture.
Update - 6 days later
Some additional info and an update.
Some redditors and some people around us were worried that my relationship with Ada is just a rebound. I admit is something that I too was worried about, and Ada told me she didn't have long lasting expectations at first.
We began dating in April 2023, but as things progressed and she saw my intentions are serious and I'm committed, her doubts about me were gone. She says we are made of the same stuff - we are two loyal, committed and hardworking people and she wants a future with me. And so do I. We are looking for a new place to share and I'm looking for the ring to make my proposal.
I admit that one of my biggest concerns is that I don't want to take advantage of her goodwill, even unintentionally. Her kindness and patience are near infinite, but I told her I don't want our relationship to be all about my past, it would not be fair for her. She reassured me she doesn't feel taken advantage of and that I do a lot to make her feel loved and appreciated for who she is, but at the same she recognizes this is a part of me she's willing to accept to be with me.
To my surprise, everyone approves of us - my parents, Ada's parents, and my late wife's mother. We never got any backlash.
On the update. I talked about this with my therapist. She feels that based on what she knows about Ada and the way she always behaved about this, that bringing her to my wife's grave will probably be a positive thing. So I told Ada that if she feels like it, I'd be glad to take her with me this Saturday. She was happy to hear this, she usually works on Saturday mornings, but said she'd take the morning off for me.
However I had unexpected things come up for tomorrow - I have to cover for a sick coworker, which means I'll be taken all morning and great part of the afternoon. It happens, and when it happens I either go on Friday or Sunday. I decided to go this afternoon (we are in Europe, it's evening here) and asked Ada if she wanted to come along - and she readily agreed.
We didn't talk much during the drive. When we arrived, we made our way to my wife's tombstone and I just said "Well, here she is". I fetched the water for the flowers and start my usual routine, Ada just crouched as if to examine it. Then she just helped me with the caretaking routine, removing the dead leaves and flowers, and cleaning the picture and the light. We then took a walk around the cemetery (might sound weird, but it's not unusual here as many cemeteries double as parks here) then sat outside for a smoke before the drive back.
We talked a bit, and Ada, who's quite the stoic, got a little emotional. She was happy I had let her in on such what for me is a particularly intimate and sacred place, but also shaken because after all the talking we had done of my late wife she subconsciously thought of her as someone she'd want to meet and be friends with, but seeing the grave reminded and cemented the fact that this amazing woman is gone. It was a bit of shaking for me too seeing her tearing up, since she's the most stoic woman I've ever met, but also made me think how this woman is a rare gem.
I don't doubt that in different circumstances, my late wife and Ada would have been great friends. And I'm a very lucky guy for finding not one, but two amazing woman which gave and still give my life meaning every day.
TL;DR I brought my girlfriend to my late wife's grave, and things went well.
Comments
TBagger1234
I’ve read so many posts here about people who have lost their partner and their new partner wants them to remove all memory of them as if they aren’t an important part of your life story. Ada is a good one. All the best OP!
OOP: Yeah, I read some of those posts too. Stuff of nightmares.
grandmasvilla
You are blessed to meet someone like Ada who is kind and understanding. Show your appreciation for her with your love and make her happy for the rest of your life. All the best.
OOP: Naturally, my friend. Making her happy and smile every day is my top priority. She gave me another chance at life.
Update 2 - 3 months later
Hello, I hope everyone here is well.
For a couple of months I had forgotten about this account, but I gave it a look the other day and read again all the beautiful comments and some very touching private messages. Again, thank you all for your interest and kindness.
Ada and I are doing well and we have found a place to move in together. If all goes well we'll be living together by July. Last month was the fourth anniversary of my late wife's passing. Ada was with me and held my hand.
I was a bit depressed like I am always am on our anniversaries, but Ada made it better. Sometimes I dream about my late wife, her coming back home, but either she never talks or I never remember what she says. However, when I dreamed her that night, in the dream there was Ada as well and they met each other. She was very happy about us and told me she's happy Ada is there for me when she can't.
I talked with Ada about the dream, and we agreed it's my brain telling me it's okay to move on. I'll always love, honor and cherish my late wife, but now there is Ada who is giving me so much and deserves to be happy, to be loved and honored the way she deserves. And I don't intend to disappoint her.
As an aside, Ada also said that who knows, it could also be the spirit of my late wife visiting me in the only place she can, my dreams. She says we can see like that if we take the spiritual approach. Honestly I wouldn't know, death is one of those mysteries only those who passed have discovered, and they can't tell us.
We are doing well. We have also managed to program our first true vacation together and I was proud to formally introduce Ada as my partner when my company's CEO invited me to dinner with her husband.
It's an exciting new journey and we are thrilled to see where it will lead us. We are a team and we have a game plan.
TL;dr Things are good.
Comments
BigIronBruce
I talked with Ada about the dream, and we agreed it's my brain telling me it's okay to move onThis is very sweet but I want to caution you that grief is complicated and recovery does not always happen in a straight line. You might sometimes have really complicated feelings of betrayal or heartbreak in the future and that's normal.
It's ok to move on, I'm sure your wife would want that but be careful of interpreting dreams.
mak_zaddy
I love a great Reddit update. A true palate cleanser.
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
2024.05.16 21:47 Hateorade_ MD vs PA- how do you overcome the second guessing?
This is going to be a long post, so please bear with me. For starters, this is my second time applying to PA school--I was at a disadvantage last cycle, as I applied late July, almost early August. I was working towards my masters degree during that time, and had a bunch of in-progress courses that I need to retake. I wasn't the best student my sophomore year of college, and Organic Chemistry I was the death of me, had to retake it and passed on my third try. I have shadowed a surgical PA for a few months, but because of the pandemic, the hospital was not allowing any students to shadow anymore. I like the idea of PA's bridging the gaps in healthcare, as with everyone. Although lateral mobility and good work-life balance are enticing factors in being a PA, I don't see that as being true. It really is specialty-dependent, an ideally, I think is best to stick with one speciality and perfect your craft. I don't mind the level of autonomy that comes with being a PA, I feel that everybody can be a leader within their own scope of practice.
However, amidst this journey of applying to PA school, during college, and even high school, medical school and being a physician has been nagging in the back of my mind. I come from two loving parents who never pressured me to pursue a career in medicine, but something that will make me satisfied and have a good life. Being a physician means having the breadth of knowledge, thoroughly understanding the mechanism of actions in medication and diseases. Its better to know and comprehend the whole story and the why, instead of just knowing surface level information. I'd like to think being a research assistant is helping me in solidifying my decision to be a physician--I understand that its two completely different things, but I enjoy showing medical students and other graduate students how to dissect a mouse, I love teaching them the anatomy of the mouse, and what each part is special in, and how it pertains to the research that I do. I love being the leader, and I appreciate when my colleagues come to me for questions and ask for my perspective in different things. I enjoy being a leader, yet I enjoy working in a team. For reference, here are my stats, they are not the greatest, but I'd like to think my experiences showcases that:
-graduated college with a 2.943 gpa, had to retake most of my sophomore year's worth of classes, failed organic chemistry I and passed on my third try. with all retakes and masters, raised to 3.02. despite failing most of soph year, i made deans list numerous times.
-got my masters in biomedical sciences, got a 3.4 gpa
-last 60 credits, 3.66, last 45, 3.61
-1955 hours as a night shift float pct, certified in phlebotomy, ekg, and as a pct.
-1392 hours in biochem research, vitamin D regulation focused. abstract sent out, will be presenting in symposium in fall
-new job as mental health specialist on back up call center, about 60 hours since i just started position
-990 hours in social and affective neuroscience research, presented thesis to psych department
-volunteering: sunday school teacher for 2nd graders, habitat for humanity, health screener in grad school, volunteer in hospital in high risk pregnancy and geriatric wings, summer camp counselor in church, food bank.
-teaching experience: learning assistant for psych stats course, helped teach 37 juniors and seniors as a junior, about 42 hours bc during semester.
-hobbies: food festivals, legos, parrots, painting, cooking and baking.
I have not taken my MCAT, and I told myself that if I do not get far in PA school applications, I will start studying for the test come the fall. The masters program that I am apart of has a linkage with the medical school, so I will try to see what my options are when the time comes. All in all, both professions are excellent, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering what could have been. Some honest advice and feedback would be helpful.
submitted by Hateorade_ to premed [link] [comments]
However, amidst this journey of applying to PA school, during college, and even high school, medical school and being a physician has been nagging in the back of my mind. I come from two loving parents who never pressured me to pursue a career in medicine, but something that will make me satisfied and have a good life. Being a physician means having the breadth of knowledge, thoroughly understanding the mechanism of actions in medication and diseases. Its better to know and comprehend the whole story and the why, instead of just knowing surface level information. I'd like to think being a research assistant is helping me in solidifying my decision to be a physician--I understand that its two completely different things, but I enjoy showing medical students and other graduate students how to dissect a mouse, I love teaching them the anatomy of the mouse, and what each part is special in, and how it pertains to the research that I do. I love being the leader, and I appreciate when my colleagues come to me for questions and ask for my perspective in different things. I enjoy being a leader, yet I enjoy working in a team. For reference, here are my stats, they are not the greatest, but I'd like to think my experiences showcases that:
-graduated college with a 2.943 gpa, had to retake most of my sophomore year's worth of classes, failed organic chemistry I and passed on my third try. with all retakes and masters, raised to 3.02. despite failing most of soph year, i made deans list numerous times.
-got my masters in biomedical sciences, got a 3.4 gpa
-last 60 credits, 3.66, last 45, 3.61
-1955 hours as a night shift float pct, certified in phlebotomy, ekg, and as a pct.
-1392 hours in biochem research, vitamin D regulation focused. abstract sent out, will be presenting in symposium in fall
-new job as mental health specialist on back up call center, about 60 hours since i just started position
-990 hours in social and affective neuroscience research, presented thesis to psych department
-volunteering: sunday school teacher for 2nd graders, habitat for humanity, health screener in grad school, volunteer in hospital in high risk pregnancy and geriatric wings, summer camp counselor in church, food bank.
-teaching experience: learning assistant for psych stats course, helped teach 37 juniors and seniors as a junior, about 42 hours bc during semester.
-hobbies: food festivals, legos, parrots, painting, cooking and baking.
I have not taken my MCAT, and I told myself that if I do not get far in PA school applications, I will start studying for the test come the fall. The masters program that I am apart of has a linkage with the medical school, so I will try to see what my options are when the time comes. All in all, both professions are excellent, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering what could have been. Some honest advice and feedback would be helpful.
2024.05.16 21:21 Ryan_2000_ I'm unsure what to do with my relationship 23M and 30M
I'm a 23-year-old male turning 24 in a few weeks, and my partner is a 30-year-old male. We've been together for 5 years and have lived together for over 18 months now. We also have animals together. Lately, I've been feeling stuck and unsure about our relationship.
From the day we got together, I knew he was a drinker. However, as our relationship progressed, I realized it's much worse than I was initially told. Living together I've told him if he wants to drink, he can buy it himself, as I refuse to enable it. It's concerning that he drinks to the point of stumbling into bed nearly every night and I have aired this to him and even his family know how much he drinks and don't help.
In my life, I'm striving to save money towards a house together. I manage to put £200 away every payday, whereas my partner consistently lives in his overdraft, always in the negative figure. This has been the case since we got together because he spends so much money on alcohol each month.
I care about him deeply, and he has been there for me during tough times, helping me overcome social anxiety. However, our sex life is non-existent due to his late working hours and habit of coming back home to drink until 5 am. I've expressed to him that I'm contemplating our relationship. After I finish work, I cook food for us and even do his washing. It's become a running joke among his work friends that I'm like a maid for him, which makes me feel like I'm being taken advantage of, as I do everything for him.
I just don't know what to do and feel so lost.
submitted by Ryan_2000_ to askgaybros [link] [comments]
From the day we got together, I knew he was a drinker. However, as our relationship progressed, I realized it's much worse than I was initially told. Living together I've told him if he wants to drink, he can buy it himself, as I refuse to enable it. It's concerning that he drinks to the point of stumbling into bed nearly every night and I have aired this to him and even his family know how much he drinks and don't help.
In my life, I'm striving to save money towards a house together. I manage to put £200 away every payday, whereas my partner consistently lives in his overdraft, always in the negative figure. This has been the case since we got together because he spends so much money on alcohol each month.
I care about him deeply, and he has been there for me during tough times, helping me overcome social anxiety. However, our sex life is non-existent due to his late working hours and habit of coming back home to drink until 5 am. I've expressed to him that I'm contemplating our relationship. After I finish work, I cook food for us and even do his washing. It's become a running joke among his work friends that I'm like a maid for him, which makes me feel like I'm being taken advantage of, as I do everything for him.
I just don't know what to do and feel so lost.
2024.05.16 21:21 Odd_Expression8223 She cheated but is willing to work through things (deep lore)
settle in guys, this is a long one.
so flash back to a couple of days ago when my long distance girlfriend came to visit. for context we’ve been together about 3 and a half months and up until this point, we started dating right before she moved long distance so we have already been very physical with eachother. i thought things were perfect. we had a routine of calling and constantly talking and flirting with eachother, we’d read books together, a good communicator and would even listen to all my petty anxieties that i thought i could never tell anyone. she was a sparkly enchanted green flag. but all of a sudden, i had found out she cheated during the first month and a half of our relationship.
i had met her whole family this week, both her mom and dads side, spending multiple days with them and having talks about long term goals, how we would always communicate through our issues, etc. and i thought we were in the really good place, the love was there and it was strong. and we were planning for the future together.
the night i was going to take her to the airport i happened to look at her phone and see her scrolling through her email with the key work “hinge” searched in the search bar (to show her roomate when she initially downloaded the app), and i saw an apple receipt for 3 roses while we were together. i asked for her to download hinge and found about 20 guys she had added and been talking to since we got together.
when we had our first trip together back in the beginning of march we really fell in love, and to my knowledge all of the talking and cheating had stopped after that, hinge and her texts prove this thus far, it really seems like she’s been committed and all in since then, no cheating.
she never had sex with anyone, she would get the the point of making plans but then bail last second, and she has text conversations deleted also that she has no way to prove that she didn’t have sex with those people.
it f-cking hurts, but over the past week i’ve found out more and more that went on behind my back, “friends” from before she moved that she kept in contact with, and even some sex work she had done before we got together that she almost had followed through with since she moved. but she didnt to my knowledge. i’ve been pulling a lot of information out of her that she didn’t tell me when i first caught her cheating, and i would not be understanding in the slightest if i had not done the same thing to a girl in highschool, so i know what it’s like to only tell the half truth and have to tell the full truth later.
we have a shared notes app where i’ve gotten to ask just about every antagonizing question relating to the situation, every part of her story that doesn’t make sense, and she’s been more than willing to give all the information she can currently think of that she has not yet told me, and some of it hurts a lot.
it makes me think we could possibly work through this. if this were any other girl i would already be out of the picture, but she’s been so willing to tell me every insecurity about her life and every miscommunication it’s making me think we have a chance. i want to trust her again but the trust has been shattered, obliterated up until this point and it’s going to take a lot of work.
i’m meeting with a therapist to talk the situation out with him, but i thought i would also take the situation here to get everyone’s thoughts about it. am i making a dumb decision by staying with her? or does she seem like she has taken accountability for everything she can remember, and wants to actually work through this and grow our love again together. we developed our love for eachother at different times, and i hope to god we can cultivate it at the same time, this time
submitted by Odd_Expression8223 to Infidelity [link] [comments]
so flash back to a couple of days ago when my long distance girlfriend came to visit. for context we’ve been together about 3 and a half months and up until this point, we started dating right before she moved long distance so we have already been very physical with eachother. i thought things were perfect. we had a routine of calling and constantly talking and flirting with eachother, we’d read books together, a good communicator and would even listen to all my petty anxieties that i thought i could never tell anyone. she was a sparkly enchanted green flag. but all of a sudden, i had found out she cheated during the first month and a half of our relationship.
i had met her whole family this week, both her mom and dads side, spending multiple days with them and having talks about long term goals, how we would always communicate through our issues, etc. and i thought we were in the really good place, the love was there and it was strong. and we were planning for the future together.
the night i was going to take her to the airport i happened to look at her phone and see her scrolling through her email with the key work “hinge” searched in the search bar (to show her roomate when she initially downloaded the app), and i saw an apple receipt for 3 roses while we were together. i asked for her to download hinge and found about 20 guys she had added and been talking to since we got together.
when we had our first trip together back in the beginning of march we really fell in love, and to my knowledge all of the talking and cheating had stopped after that, hinge and her texts prove this thus far, it really seems like she’s been committed and all in since then, no cheating.
she never had sex with anyone, she would get the the point of making plans but then bail last second, and she has text conversations deleted also that she has no way to prove that she didn’t have sex with those people.
it f-cking hurts, but over the past week i’ve found out more and more that went on behind my back, “friends” from before she moved that she kept in contact with, and even some sex work she had done before we got together that she almost had followed through with since she moved. but she didnt to my knowledge. i’ve been pulling a lot of information out of her that she didn’t tell me when i first caught her cheating, and i would not be understanding in the slightest if i had not done the same thing to a girl in highschool, so i know what it’s like to only tell the half truth and have to tell the full truth later.
we have a shared notes app where i’ve gotten to ask just about every antagonizing question relating to the situation, every part of her story that doesn’t make sense, and she’s been more than willing to give all the information she can currently think of that she has not yet told me, and some of it hurts a lot.
it makes me think we could possibly work through this. if this were any other girl i would already be out of the picture, but she’s been so willing to tell me every insecurity about her life and every miscommunication it’s making me think we have a chance. i want to trust her again but the trust has been shattered, obliterated up until this point and it’s going to take a lot of work.
i’m meeting with a therapist to talk the situation out with him, but i thought i would also take the situation here to get everyone’s thoughts about it. am i making a dumb decision by staying with her? or does she seem like she has taken accountability for everything she can remember, and wants to actually work through this and grow our love again together. we developed our love for eachother at different times, and i hope to god we can cultivate it at the same time, this time
2024.05.16 21:12 avonina [Tenant-NC] How do landlords know if eviction is on record? What records can I check myself to see if/how it shows up?
Hi there, So I had a situation where an old roommate of mine (in NYC) held over in the apartment we were renting together, and although I had a whole new lease at a new apartment, we were both taken to court in a holdover case. I’m not sure of the technical legal jargon, but after we were served papers and we went to court the roommate agreed to leave and it was dismissed - no judgement for rent is in my name at all.
So I know at least nothing is on my credit and I don’t have any outstanding debt with my old landlord. It was an unfortunate situation and now I want to move back to NC and live on my own where I can afford it and avoid roommate mishaps damaging my rental record.
Now, I am unsure if/how it even shows up, but I want to be prepared and make a plan for when I decide to move at the end of this year.
What records should I be checking to see if it pops up? I know typically landlords can see judgements on credit reports but that’s not my case here. I want to pull all my reports before I start applying so I can plan accordingly. Thank you!
EDIT: Look, I know notoriously landlords are lowkey assholes who don’t view tenants as real humans… which is fine, your prerogative and whatever morals/god you answer to has nothing to do with me. BUT, downvoting and giving bullshit answers to take out your weird strifes with bad tenants you may have doesn’t help anybody navigate trying to find somewhere TO LIVE, which is a basic human fucking right. I’m asking these questions in good faith - I messed up with having a bad roommate (that I literally had to get a retraining order on btw!!!!) was in my early 20’s fresh in NYC and have since fucked up my perfect rental history. My income and credit are fantastic, never paid rent late a day in my life and I’ve been renting since I was 18. I’m now in my late 20’s, simply trying to navigate how to find secure housing amidst an eviction on my record that was due to a dangerous, manipulative roommate that threatened my life. I know it may not occur to y’all we are real humans that end up in shitty situations, which is fine. But actual answers and not snarky comments and downvotes would actually help. Have a ducking heart jfc
submitted by avonina to Landlord [link] [comments]
So I know at least nothing is on my credit and I don’t have any outstanding debt with my old landlord. It was an unfortunate situation and now I want to move back to NC and live on my own where I can afford it and avoid roommate mishaps damaging my rental record.
Now, I am unsure if/how it even shows up, but I want to be prepared and make a plan for when I decide to move at the end of this year.
What records should I be checking to see if it pops up? I know typically landlords can see judgements on credit reports but that’s not my case here. I want to pull all my reports before I start applying so I can plan accordingly. Thank you!
EDIT: Look, I know notoriously landlords are lowkey assholes who don’t view tenants as real humans… which is fine, your prerogative and whatever morals/god you answer to has nothing to do with me. BUT, downvoting and giving bullshit answers to take out your weird strifes with bad tenants you may have doesn’t help anybody navigate trying to find somewhere TO LIVE, which is a basic human fucking right. I’m asking these questions in good faith - I messed up with having a bad roommate (that I literally had to get a retraining order on btw!!!!) was in my early 20’s fresh in NYC and have since fucked up my perfect rental history. My income and credit are fantastic, never paid rent late a day in my life and I’ve been renting since I was 18. I’m now in my late 20’s, simply trying to navigate how to find secure housing amidst an eviction on my record that was due to a dangerous, manipulative roommate that threatened my life. I know it may not occur to y’all we are real humans that end up in shitty situations, which is fine. But actual answers and not snarky comments and downvotes would actually help. Have a ducking heart jfc
2024.05.16 21:11 Gabahealthcare What Causes Postpartum Depression?
 | Becoming a parent is one of the most wonderful feelings in the world. Even the mere thought is associated with a lot of intense emotions and feelings. The birth of a baby is expected to bring unmatched contentment and joy. But, sometimes, it may result in an unfortunate condition - Postpartum Depression. submitted by Gabahealthcare to u/Gabahealthcare [link] [comments] https://preview.redd.it/4pq9i22h9u0d1.png?width=1080&format=png&auto=webp&s=9949f45e958ddccbe5611960af84da266826a2a7 It is also known as Postnatal Depression. This condition is the onset of a depressed mood and its associated symptoms within the first year of the birth of the child. It is observed that most mothers experience baby blues, and some mothers develop persistent severe symptoms that do not resolve on their own. Postpartum Blues and Postpartum Depression are two different sides of the same coin, but Postpartum Depression is more severe and is a long-term condition that should not be overlooked. Postpartum Blues, also known as Baby Blues, are temporary changes in mental and emotional state that occur in the mother within 2 to 3 days after childbirth and last for approximately 2 weeks. They usually resolve on their own without medical intervention. However, suppose the symptoms of Baby Blues elevate and persist for more than a few weeks. In that case, it can be identified as Postpartum Depression (PPD), which is a more serious condition and requires proper support and health care. Jessica, a 37-year-old mother of a four-year-old, recalls feeling irritable, sleepless, stressed, and angry after giving birth. She did not receive a formal diagnosis and prefers to refer to her symptoms as "Baby Blues" rather than "Postpartum Depression" considering the severity of her condition. Postpartum Depression Causes Every year, there are 140 million births worldwide, while the incidence of postpartum depression is estimated to be around 10–20 percent of new mothers. The obvious question to ask is why some mothers get postpartum depression while others do not. Here are a few causes: Genetics Studies indicate that sometimes family history of the condition is one of the main causes of postpartum depression in mothers. More people have this prevalent subtype of major depressive disorder than any other psychiatric disorder due to genetics. The largest meta-analysis of genome-wide association studies carried out by an international team of researchers investigated the genetic makeup of postpartum depression. According to the study, common genetic factors may account for approximately 14% of the variations seen in cases of postpartum depression. Chronic Fatigue Evidence suggests that chronic fatigue may raise a woman's risk of postpartum depression. Lack of sleep lowers sleep quality, making it harder for a mother to regain her physical stamina and agility. The symptoms of anxiety and depression may worsen as a result of inadequate sleep. A single sleep session is insufficient to address the chronic fatigue that emerges from an imbalance between rest and activity. It impacts over 60% of new mothers and may result from many conditions, including thyroid dysfunction, anemia, inflammation, and infection. The changes in the mother’s hormones may also result in postpartum fatigue. Jessica had to deal with sleep disturbances in the postpartum period. She also recalls having insomnia and struggling to sleep for the recommended number of hours. Implementing sleep hygiene in small but significant steps would have helped her deal with this situation more effectively. Loss of Aspiration Stressors related to psychology may arise as a result of becoming a mother. The drastic changes in a woman’s body, overwhelming responsibilities, and perception of society can all trigger and contribute to low self-esteem. A person may easily experience a loss of motivation and aspiration as a result of such abrupt changes in their life, which can exacerbate the symptoms of postpartum depression. Women are more likely to feel difficult feelings like frustration, confusion, anxiety, guilt, and sadness during the postpartum period, in addition to overwhelming emotions like excitement, anticipation, fulfillment, and happiness. Jessica recalls feeling a lack of ambition and fear about the future after having her baby. She almost forgot to have some fulfilling "me time" because she was so preoccupied with the responsibilities of her child. Relationship Discord When a child is born, the parent's relationship undergoes a dramatic transformation. Despite this milestone being a source of great joy, it can also lead to emotional distress due to parental frustration shortly afterward. These intense emotions may result in postpartum depression symptoms in both parents. It can disrupt the mother-child bond and, in some cases, affect the child’s emotional and cognitive development. Paternal discord can lead to later disorders in children and have an impact on their behavioral development. Individuals' depressive states worsen during this phase when couples stop doing things they used to enjoy together, such as traveling, going to the gym, enjoying moments together, seeing friends, and spending evenings out. This disconnection can sometimes become so severe that couples lose recognition for each other as the people they once loved.While adjusting to the arrival of a newborn, the mother may struggle to maintain her bond with her elder children. Elder children may struggle to cope with the arrival of a new sibling because it divides the mother's attention and makes them feel less loved. Jessica's relationship conflict with her husband was the most difficult aspect of her pregnancy and postpartum experience. She struggled to cope without her partner during her difficult divorce. But she was really fortunate to have the support of her friends and family, which helped her avoid severe mental health symptoms. She still believes that the presence of both parents would have been beneficial to her daughter's behavioral development. Sheehan’s Syndrome Sheehan's syndrome, first described in 1937, is postpartum hypopituitarism caused by shock or hypotension as a result of massive hemorrhage or blood loss during or after childbirth. This syndrome can manifest itself during or after the postpartum period as lactation failure, generalized weakness and debility, cessation of menstrual periods, premature wrinkling of the face and forehead, body hair loss, and dry, coarse skin.Sheehan's syndrome is estimated to affect one out of every 1,00,000 births worldwide. Women in developing and underdeveloped countries have limited access to sophisticated medical care, skilled healthcare professionals, and medical resources, which contributes to higher rates of postpartum hemorrhage and raises the figure to five out of every 1,000 births. It is considered 'rare' in industrialized nations, but the numbers are increasing due to the influx of immigrants from developing countries. Sheehan's syndrome is frequently diagnosed late due to its chronic nature. Because it presents as a case of multiple hormone deficiencies, it may be misdiagnosed as hypothyroidism, pituitary tumor, or postpartum depression. Some patients struggle with achieving the correct diagnosis and are often treated as cases of postpartum depression or major depressive disorder. An incorrect diagnosis leads to the wrong treatment and worsens symptoms, making the patient prone to intensified mental health conditions, including depression. History of Depression A history of depression and anxiety has been identified as a significant psychological risk factor for postpartum depression. According to a study that observed approximately 70,000 births in Sweden between 1997 and 2008, women with a history of depression are twenty times more likely to develop postpartum depression than those without a prior depression diagnosis. Women who have contracted depression earlier are more susceptible to hormonal changes and can better identify their symptoms. Referring to the research foundations laid by O’Hara MW, it is clear that 23.9% of women who were diagnosed with postpartum depression had experienced depression before. In contrast, only 2.6% of women with no history of psychiatric illness were diagnosed with PPD symptoms. In line with previous research, this study reveals significant rates of recurring postpartum depression (PPD) among women who have previously experienced PPD. The risk of developing PPD after the birth of a second child was found to be 46.4 times higher (95% CI 31.5–68.4) for women who had been hospitalized for PPD following the birth of their first child. Similarly, women who were treated with antidepressants for PPD after their first child had a 26.9-fold increased risk of experiencing PPD after their second child (95% CI 21.9–33.2). Anemia Anemia is a condition in which the body lacks red blood cells, or hemoglobin, which transports oxygen to the tissues. During pregnancy, a woman is more likely to develop four types of anemia: iron deficiency anemia, pregnancy anemia, folate deficiency, and vitamin B-12 deficiencies. This condition may cause the baby's unfulfilled growth, resulting in an underweight or premature birth. Iron deficiency anemia is the most common type of anemia among pregnant women, accounting for approximately 80% of cases. Anemia has been identified as a significant contributor to postpartum depression. It is therefore critical to pay attention to the nutritional status of women during this time. The prevalence of anemia in pregnant women may be influenced by lifestyle, diet, and geographical location. Anemia can lead to negative pregnancy outcomes such as preeclampsia, low birth weight, small head circumference, premature birth in the baby, and postpartum depression. According to research, the prevalence of PPD in anemic women is significantly higher than in non-anemic women, and there is a link between anemia and postpartum depression. High Work Load A study published on PubMed suggests that higher psychological work demands, lower perceived control over work and family, and lower schedule autonomy intensify the symptoms of postpartum depression. Low job flexibility and a higher workload are other contributors to this condition. Working women may find it difficult to balance multiple work commitments while also dealing with the unnecessary guilt of not being good mothers. Some solutions to postpartum depression symptoms caused by poor work-life balance include mental and social support from peers and colleagues, partners assisting with household chores, reduced workload at work, maternity leave, motivation and encouragement for the mother, and equal distribution of responsibilities among partners. Jessica believes that her decision to take time off from work after becoming a mother allowed her to rest and recharge. After returning to work, she embraced the support of her coworkers, which made it easier for her to integrate work-life balance and successfully restart her career. Loss of Identity New mothers frequently experience a loss of identity. After having a baby, some parents may believe that being a parent is their sole identity. Postpartum depression symptoms may worsen if thoughts of exhaustion, worry, and unhappiness persist for an extended period, making it difficult to get through each day. Loss of identity causes feelings such as disrupted professional identity, inability to earn money, a low-quality social life, less time for leisure activities, and a lack of self-confidence. All of these characteristics may cause parenting issues and a lack of bonding with the baby. In most cases, mothers discontinue activities they once enjoyed, such as seeing friends, taking long showers, spending quality time with their partners, and engaging in hobbies. Difficult Pregnancy Pregnancy complications can arise due to concerns about the mother's health, the fetus's health, or both. Even healthy women may experience difficulties during their pregnancies. Complications include high blood pressure, gestational diabetes, infections, preterm labor, stillbirth, and preeclampsia. Mothers who do not receive adequate and timely prenatal care are more likely to develop such pregnancy complications, which may contribute significantly to the onset of postpartum depression. High-risk pregnancies can occur due to pre-existing medical conditions or complications that arise during pregnancy. Some factors are mentioned below that may contribute to difficult pregnancies:
There has been much speculation about the causes of PPD, with some claiming that the rapid changes in reproductive hormones such as estradiol and progesterone before and after childbirth may play a part. While several studies, both in humans and in animals, have found a link between changes in hormone levels and PPD, others have discovered no link between hormone concentrations and symptoms. For example, studies on the differences in ovarian hormone levels and depressive symptoms during the postpartum period have not found a direct link between absolute estrogen and progesterone concentrations and PPD. However, studies that used estradiol treatment successfully alleviated depressive symptoms, and animal studies have shown that withdrawing estradiol and progesterone can cause depression-like behavior. Reproductive hormones play important roles in a variety of functions, including basic emotion processing, arousal, cognition, and motivation. As a result, they may indirectly contribute to postpartum depression by influencing psychological, social, and economic risk factors. Interestingly, these hormones also regulate the biological systems involved in major depression, implying a direct link to a woman's risk for PPD. Thyroid hormones have been proposed as a potential biomarker for PPD due to the suspected link between thyroid dysfunction and major depression. Thyroid dysfunction is associated with pregnancy and may contribute to PPD in some women. Nutritional Deficiency Malnutrition, or a lack of specific nutrients such as B and D vitamins, n-3 polyunsaturated fatty acids (PUFA), folate, trace minerals, iron, antioxidants, and so on, can increase the risk of developing postpartum depression. Lactation and pregnancy place additional demands on a new mother's body, making nutritional deficiencies more common during this time and paving the way for depression symptoms. Investigations are currently underway to determine whether low vitamin D levels may increase the risk of postpartum depression. This is because vitamin D functions as a neuroactive hormone, playing an important role in the nervous system rather than the endocrine system. Its primary function is to link sensory stimuli to the release of hormones, resulting in a hormonal response. Vitamin D helps to regulate neurotransmitters like adrenaline, norepinephrine, dopamine, and serotonin. Any abnormalities in these neurotransmitters and hormones have been linked to the onset of depressive symptoms.Omega-3 fatty acids have also been linked to PPD. Docosahexaenoic acid (DHA) and eicosapentaenoic acid (EPA) are two types of omega-3 fatty acids that are well-known for their cardiovascular benefits, but they also play an important role in brain development and neurotransmitter regulation. Increased DHA and EPA levels are associated with improved serotonin receptor sensitivity, which is achieved by increasing the fluidity of the receptor cell membrane. Furthermore, omega-3 fatty acids are thought to reduce neuroinflammatory processes associated with the onset of depression. Many people in the United States are deficient in omega-3 fatty acids due to a lack of these nutrients in their diets, according to reports. The typical American diet consists primarily of fast food, which is deficient in nutrients and does not meet recommended nutritional guidelines. Pregnant women are especially vulnerable to the harmful effects of low omega-3 fatty acids. This is because the increased blood supply required for fetal oxygen causes a natural decrease in DHA and EPA levels. In addition, the body prioritizes the fetus's growth and development by redirecting blood and nutrients, putting pregnant women at greater risk of developing nutritional deficiencies and, as a result, postpartum depression. Dealing with postpartum depression (PPD) can be difficult for both the mother and her child. It jeopardizes both the mother's health and the child's development. Women with PPD frequently struggle to maintain consistent breastfeeding due to depressive symptoms. PPD complicates the mother-child relationship, resulting in poor cognitive functioning, aggressive behavior, excessive crying, emotional instability, and sleep issues in infants and adolescents. PPD is linked to negative thoughts, substance abuse, postpartum psychosis, hallucinations, confusion, mood swings, paranoia, impaired judgment, loss of appetite, and insomnia in mothers. It impairs a woman's ability to interact and socialize with her own family, making her feel inadequate as a mother and preventing her from participating in activities and hobbies. Women with PPD are also more likely to commit infanticide and suicide, as well as develop serious mental illnesses such as bipolar disorder. "In a world where women are constantly invalidated, they must seek help for postpartum depression," says Jessica. She believes that women should understand that PPD is normal and, in some cases, inevitable. It is effective to see an Online Psychiatrist for postpartum depression, as it is economical, involves less hassle, and is more accessible. Gaba Telepsychiatry's psychiatrists aim to deliver a comprehensive approach to psychiatric care while adhering to evidence-based medicine. Our online psychiatrists consider a range of factors, including genetics, development, trauma, nutrition, hormones, career and relationship difficulties, coping skills, concurrent medical illnesses, head injuries, medication side effects, and more. Visit https://gabapsychiatrist.com/postpartum-depression-treatment/… to know more and seek help for depression. |
2024.05.16 21:04 SnooChipmunks4981 Letter to my Avoidant Ex - I need your opinions, from Avoidant and non-avoidant people
Hello everyone,
This is my first time writing here, and I'm not sure what to expect and what kind of responses I'll receive. I look forward to hearing from you!
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
I'm using fictional names.
For some context, I wrote the letter below to my "ex," although I'm not sure if I can really use the word "ex." We always referred to our relationship as simply David & Mathieu. When people asked us if we were a couple, we would say no, it was just David & Mathieu.
We were friends for a year and a half before starting a different dynamic. It wasn't planned or wanted; it just happened very naturally. He has always been someone special to me; I don't know how to explain it, but for as long as I can remember, he has been special to me, and I told him that.
Two things to know about him are that he has an avoidant attachment style, which he himself acknowledges. So sometimes it was complicated; he never reassured me about anything, had blockages like we couldn't see each other during the week, and very often I couldn't touch him (affectionately) because he needed space. But I know he made efforts and stepped out of his comfort zone for us. He started holding my hand in public by himself, opening up more and more, and introduced me to important people in his life. It may not seem like much, but for someone with an avoidant attachment style, it was already a lot.
What made the situation even more complicated is that he was also fraysexual. So as the relationship progressed, the closer we got, the less sexual interest he had in me. He still needed sex, but it wasn't possible with me. Again, he was aware of how he was, and we always talked about it openly.
David & Mathieu lasted 7 months, and what ended it were the arguments we had towards the end. I started feeling insecure about his sexuality, the fact that he was back on dating apps (he said it was just for hookups) - I believed him, but it still made me insecure, and he had trouble reassuring me. He would get angry and say that I doubted his word. Furthermore, I brought up things from the past, like a guy he had something with while we were together during the first month of David & Mathieu. Also, towards the end, he expressed his need for space and to minimize contact, and I also struggled to give him that. I believe I have an anxious attachment style, so it was complicated for me to respond to some of his requests. But when we were together, it was really good; we often told each other that the best moments together were when it was just the two of us.
Anyway, he gave reasons for ending us: that I often doubted his word, that I brought up the past too much, and that he felt like he couldn't do things he had the right to do (like sleeping with others) and that I couldn't give him the space he needed. He was always honest about not wanting to lose his freedom. I never intended to take it away from him, but sometimes I needed to discuss things to feel good, and he struggled with that.
It's been a week now since we last had contact. We never really had a discussion to close everything; he shared his decision with me over the phone, I reacted badly, I tried to convince him to change his mind, and that's it.
The day after the phone call, he still agreed to come do an activity with me, but he said only because I told him it would make me feel better, and after that activity, he gave me back the things he had at his place. I still have things with me.
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
Well, here's the letter finally.
Thank you.
I respect and understand your choice.
I've wondered if it's also what I wanted and maybe I was just delusional to think otherwise.
I'm not expecting or needing you to respond to these messages. It was important for me to share my observations with a clear head rather than being in a flood of emotions. I fully understand that you don't need to receive this message, maybe you're already rolling your eyes. It's more for me that I'm doing this, it seemed like the right thing to do for me.
I'm not into blaming, victimizing, or reproaching, and I'm not taking all the blame on myself. I'll only speak about what belongs to me. I'm not angry, disappointed, and I have no negative feelings towards you. I know you're a good person with good intentions, and you never intended to hurt me in any way.
I accept your decision much more easily now that I've finally understood that having contact with me now does more harm than good. I've always wanted what's best for you and to make you feel special.
You know what I think of you, what I told you was never fake or to please you, it was simply the truth. For me, when I was with you, you were the most... things & things, and I had no interest in looking away. I never played games with you or tried to sell you dreams. I'm aware that it could have played against me, and I didn't care. But honestly, I never felt like you were taking advantage of that.
Not that I think you care about that, but I stopped talking to the guy I was chatting with at the Biodôme on the same day. If it helps some people, that's great, but for me, jumping into something else to feel better isn't healthy, I'd find it disrespectful, and it's just not me.
Sorry for losing sight of what was important and focusing too much on the past and things that didn't matter. Sorry for not being respectful and attentive towards the end, for making you feel like I didn't trust you/wanted to restrict you/didn't understand you bettedidn't assert my limits enough, and for not giving you the space you needed. I'm not perfect, I was just doing my best.
When I told you that we were better than that, well, I failed, and I let you down in a way, I acknowledge that, and I'm sorry. I messed up, and it's okay to make mistakes. You know, humans are sometimes poorly made, losing strength to realize things that were obvious.
I have work to do on myself in several aspects. I need to avoid creating scenarios, leave the past where it is, verbalize my needs and limits more clearly, in a better way and at the right time, learn to realize that what I have in front of me is true without suspicion, and learn to say: "This thing scares me, I don't know how to tame it, I don't know how it will affect us, let's talk about it."
I think just choosing better moments for certain discussions could potentially have changed the course of things. (We often had discussions about important things when we were drunk, it always turned out badly.)
I'm still the same guy I was a week ago, I haven't magically changed already, but what I can confidently tell you is that there has been an awakening, and I'm committed to evolving and being better.
I know that for you, us, it was a challenge and maybe sometimes destabilizing, it took you out of your comfort zone. I felt that you were doing your best, I never felt like you were forcing yourself, and for example, just holding my hand in public meant something significant to you. I could have taken that into consideration more and made sure you felt good and safe instead of adding pressure and frustration.
You and I are unique individuals, for whom it's not easy to build certain dynamics, we deserved to have what we had, but with the issues at the end, sometimes it wasn't easy.
I never wanted something conventional. For me, answering the question 'Are you a couple?' with 'No, it's just David & Mathieu' made me proud, and I liked it, for me, there was no need for further explanation.
I never asked or hoped for you to have the same requirements for yourself as I imposed on myself. I've always been very aware of your needs. The fact that it was important for me not to be touched by others, that belonged to me alone, I wish we could have navigated through that more healthily.
You often asked me what I expected from you, that it wasn't clear to you. I expected nothing more than what was ongoing. I was in this situation because I wanted to be, are you perfect as you are, I would say.... yes but no. But guess what, when I told you that you were perfect as you were, it was true, in the sense that even the things that weren't perfect made you a special thing for me. Don't try to understand, even I have difficulty understanding myself.
Trying out David & Mathieu wasn't a mistake for me, it was positive in many ways. And as I've already told you, what we had was enough for me, you were enough for me. The issues at the end for me were mostly predictable, all surmountable, and weighed less in the balance compared to the rest.
David & Mathieu was something peculiar, imperfect, and perfect at the same time. The fact that the best moments were mostly when we were alone together, that feeling that hand in hand it was us vs the rest, the feeling of pride and not wanting to be anywhere else and with anyone else at times.
I wish for us to find all of that again.
When you told me that you were lucky to have me, I was also lucky to have you, and I hope you know why.
Maybe one day, at the right time and if we both want it, we can see if it's possible to rebuild a friendly dynamic in which we both feel good. We've always managed to build better with the past. We make a good team when we're respectful and attentive.
I still wish to have you in my life, but if that's not possible, I'll respect that.
If someday we reconnect, I neither desire or need to revisit the issues we experienced. My mindset is to move towards something better and positive, not to fall back into negativity.
By the way, I have your grandfather's ring. I was wearing it when I got out of your car. If you want me to return your belongings quickly, let me know. Otherwise, don't worry, I'll take care of it.
I'll always be happy to hear from you, but I understand that you and I need space for now. Yes, even me.
This Saturday, Friday, or both nights, it's still to be determined, there's a possibility that I'll go out to the Eco with Emily. I'm not telling you to not go if that's what you had planned. But at the same time, I'd like us to respect what we need, but I don't want us to prevent each other from doing anything either.
If it happens soon that we come face to face, know that I'm no longer in the emotion, I'm good, I'll be friendly, and I'm ready to be flexible (leave) if necessary.
I don't plan to go to the Eco (a bar where we always went together, almost every weekend) often in the near future, this weekend is a bit special because Emily is staying in town exceptionally and plans to go out all weekend with friends from NY.
In conclusion, I would say once again that I respect your decision. It's unfortunate that we won't have the opportunity to continue having good times together. I've always had fun with you; it wasn't difficult.
Well, that's all. That's enough. That's already a lot.
Maybe one day I'll write a 10-minute song about an owl who always left 56,000 things at my place, who knows. 🤷🏻♂️ (he loves a Taylor S song that lasts 10 minutes about an ex of hers.)
Yes, I fully intend to make some cash off of you, no shame.
Bye for now
submitted by SnooChipmunks4981 to BreakUps [link] [comments]
This is my first time writing here, and I'm not sure what to expect and what kind of responses I'll receive. I look forward to hearing from you!
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
I'm using fictional names.
For some context, I wrote the letter below to my "ex," although I'm not sure if I can really use the word "ex." We always referred to our relationship as simply David & Mathieu. When people asked us if we were a couple, we would say no, it was just David & Mathieu.
We were friends for a year and a half before starting a different dynamic. It wasn't planned or wanted; it just happened very naturally. He has always been someone special to me; I don't know how to explain it, but for as long as I can remember, he has been special to me, and I told him that.
Two things to know about him are that he has an avoidant attachment style, which he himself acknowledges. So sometimes it was complicated; he never reassured me about anything, had blockages like we couldn't see each other during the week, and very often I couldn't touch him (affectionately) because he needed space. But I know he made efforts and stepped out of his comfort zone for us. He started holding my hand in public by himself, opening up more and more, and introduced me to important people in his life. It may not seem like much, but for someone with an avoidant attachment style, it was already a lot.
What made the situation even more complicated is that he was also fraysexual. So as the relationship progressed, the closer we got, the less sexual interest he had in me. He still needed sex, but it wasn't possible with me. Again, he was aware of how he was, and we always talked about it openly.
David & Mathieu lasted 7 months, and what ended it were the arguments we had towards the end. I started feeling insecure about his sexuality, the fact that he was back on dating apps (he said it was just for hookups) - I believed him, but it still made me insecure, and he had trouble reassuring me. He would get angry and say that I doubted his word. Furthermore, I brought up things from the past, like a guy he had something with while we were together during the first month of David & Mathieu. Also, towards the end, he expressed his need for space and to minimize contact, and I also struggled to give him that. I believe I have an anxious attachment style, so it was complicated for me to respond to some of his requests. But when we were together, it was really good; we often told each other that the best moments together were when it was just the two of us.
Anyway, he gave reasons for ending us: that I often doubted his word, that I brought up the past too much, and that he felt like he couldn't do things he had the right to do (like sleeping with others) and that I couldn't give him the space he needed. He was always honest about not wanting to lose his freedom. I never intended to take it away from him, but sometimes I needed to discuss things to feel good, and he struggled with that.
It's been a week now since we last had contact. We never really had a discussion to close everything; he shared his decision with me over the phone, I reacted badly, I tried to convince him to change his mind, and that's it.
The day after the phone call, he still agreed to come do an activity with me, but he said only because I told him it would make me feel better, and after that activity, he gave me back the things he had at his place. I still have things with me.
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
Well, here's the letter finally.
Thank you.
I respect and understand your choice.
I've wondered if it's also what I wanted and maybe I was just delusional to think otherwise.
I'm not expecting or needing you to respond to these messages. It was important for me to share my observations with a clear head rather than being in a flood of emotions. I fully understand that you don't need to receive this message, maybe you're already rolling your eyes. It's more for me that I'm doing this, it seemed like the right thing to do for me.
I'm not into blaming, victimizing, or reproaching, and I'm not taking all the blame on myself. I'll only speak about what belongs to me. I'm not angry, disappointed, and I have no negative feelings towards you. I know you're a good person with good intentions, and you never intended to hurt me in any way.
I accept your decision much more easily now that I've finally understood that having contact with me now does more harm than good. I've always wanted what's best for you and to make you feel special.
You know what I think of you, what I told you was never fake or to please you, it was simply the truth. For me, when I was with you, you were the most... things & things, and I had no interest in looking away. I never played games with you or tried to sell you dreams. I'm aware that it could have played against me, and I didn't care. But honestly, I never felt like you were taking advantage of that.
Not that I think you care about that, but I stopped talking to the guy I was chatting with at the Biodôme on the same day. If it helps some people, that's great, but for me, jumping into something else to feel better isn't healthy, I'd find it disrespectful, and it's just not me.
Sorry for losing sight of what was important and focusing too much on the past and things that didn't matter. Sorry for not being respectful and attentive towards the end, for making you feel like I didn't trust you/wanted to restrict you/didn't understand you bettedidn't assert my limits enough, and for not giving you the space you needed. I'm not perfect, I was just doing my best.
When I told you that we were better than that, well, I failed, and I let you down in a way, I acknowledge that, and I'm sorry. I messed up, and it's okay to make mistakes. You know, humans are sometimes poorly made, losing strength to realize things that were obvious.
I have work to do on myself in several aspects. I need to avoid creating scenarios, leave the past where it is, verbalize my needs and limits more clearly, in a better way and at the right time, learn to realize that what I have in front of me is true without suspicion, and learn to say: "This thing scares me, I don't know how to tame it, I don't know how it will affect us, let's talk about it."
I think just choosing better moments for certain discussions could potentially have changed the course of things. (We often had discussions about important things when we were drunk, it always turned out badly.)
I'm still the same guy I was a week ago, I haven't magically changed already, but what I can confidently tell you is that there has been an awakening, and I'm committed to evolving and being better.
I know that for you, us, it was a challenge and maybe sometimes destabilizing, it took you out of your comfort zone. I felt that you were doing your best, I never felt like you were forcing yourself, and for example, just holding my hand in public meant something significant to you. I could have taken that into consideration more and made sure you felt good and safe instead of adding pressure and frustration.
You and I are unique individuals, for whom it's not easy to build certain dynamics, we deserved to have what we had, but with the issues at the end, sometimes it wasn't easy.
I never wanted something conventional. For me, answering the question 'Are you a couple?' with 'No, it's just David & Mathieu' made me proud, and I liked it, for me, there was no need for further explanation.
I never asked or hoped for you to have the same requirements for yourself as I imposed on myself. I've always been very aware of your needs. The fact that it was important for me not to be touched by others, that belonged to me alone, I wish we could have navigated through that more healthily.
You often asked me what I expected from you, that it wasn't clear to you. I expected nothing more than what was ongoing. I was in this situation because I wanted to be, are you perfect as you are, I would say.... yes but no. But guess what, when I told you that you were perfect as you were, it was true, in the sense that even the things that weren't perfect made you a special thing for me. Don't try to understand, even I have difficulty understanding myself.
Trying out David & Mathieu wasn't a mistake for me, it was positive in many ways. And as I've already told you, what we had was enough for me, you were enough for me. The issues at the end for me were mostly predictable, all surmountable, and weighed less in the balance compared to the rest.
David & Mathieu was something peculiar, imperfect, and perfect at the same time. The fact that the best moments were mostly when we were alone together, that feeling that hand in hand it was us vs the rest, the feeling of pride and not wanting to be anywhere else and with anyone else at times.
I wish for us to find all of that again.
When you told me that you were lucky to have me, I was also lucky to have you, and I hope you know why.
Maybe one day, at the right time and if we both want it, we can see if it's possible to rebuild a friendly dynamic in which we both feel good. We've always managed to build better with the past. We make a good team when we're respectful and attentive.
I still wish to have you in my life, but if that's not possible, I'll respect that.
If someday we reconnect, I neither desire or need to revisit the issues we experienced. My mindset is to move towards something better and positive, not to fall back into negativity.
By the way, I have your grandfather's ring. I was wearing it when I got out of your car. If you want me to return your belongings quickly, let me know. Otherwise, don't worry, I'll take care of it.
I'll always be happy to hear from you, but I understand that you and I need space for now. Yes, even me.
This Saturday, Friday, or both nights, it's still to be determined, there's a possibility that I'll go out to the Eco with Emily. I'm not telling you to not go if that's what you had planned. But at the same time, I'd like us to respect what we need, but I don't want us to prevent each other from doing anything either.
If it happens soon that we come face to face, know that I'm no longer in the emotion, I'm good, I'll be friendly, and I'm ready to be flexible (leave) if necessary.
I don't plan to go to the Eco (a bar where we always went together, almost every weekend) often in the near future, this weekend is a bit special because Emily is staying in town exceptionally and plans to go out all weekend with friends from NY.
In conclusion, I would say once again that I respect your decision. It's unfortunate that we won't have the opportunity to continue having good times together. I've always had fun with you; it wasn't difficult.
Well, that's all. That's enough. That's already a lot.
Maybe one day I'll write a 10-minute song about an owl who always left 56,000 things at my place, who knows. 🤷🏻♂️ (he loves a Taylor S song that lasts 10 minutes about an ex of hers.)
Yes, I fully intend to make some cash off of you, no shame.
Bye for now
2024.05.16 21:03 SnooChipmunks4981 Letter to my Avoidant Ex - I need your opinions, from Avoidant and non-avoidant people
Hello everyone,
This is my first time writing here, and I'm not sure what to expect and what kind of responses I'll receive. I look forward to hearing from you!
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
I'm using fictional names.
For some context, I wrote the letter below to my "ex," although I'm not sure if I can really use the word "ex." We always referred to our relationship as simply David & Mathieu. When people asked us if we were a couple, we would say no, it was just David & Mathieu.
We were friends for a year and a half before starting a different dynamic. It wasn't planned or wanted; it just happened very naturally. He has always been someone special to me; I don't know how to explain it, but for as long as I can remember, he has been special to me, and I told him that.
Two things to know about him are that he has an avoidant attachment style, which he himself acknowledges. So sometimes it was complicated; he never reassured me about anything, had blockages like we couldn't see each other during the week, and very often I couldn't touch him (affectionately) because he needed space. But I know he made efforts and stepped out of his comfort zone for us. He started holding my hand in public by himself, opening up more and more, and introduced me to important people in his life. It may not seem like much, but for someone with an avoidant attachment style, it was already a lot.
What made the situation even more complicated is that he was also fraysexual. So as the relationship progressed, the closer we got, the less sexual interest he had in me. He still needed sex, but it wasn't possible with me. Again, he was aware of how he was, and we always talked about it openly.
David & Mathieu lasted 7 months, and what ended it were the arguments we had towards the end. I started feeling insecure about his sexuality, the fact that he was back on dating apps (he said it was just for hookups) - I believed him, but it still made me insecure, and he had trouble reassuring me. He would get angry and say that I doubted his word. Furthermore, I brought up things from the past, like a guy he had something with while we were together during the first month of David & Mathieu. Also, towards the end, he expressed his need for space and to minimize contact, and I also struggled to give him that. I believe I have an anxious attachment style, so it was complicated for me to respond to some of his requests. But when we were together, it was really good; we often told each other that the best moments together were when it was just the two of us.
Anyway, he gave reasons for ending us: that I often doubted his word, that I brought up the past too much, and that he felt like he couldn't do things he had the right to do (like sleeping with others) and that I couldn't give him the space he needed. He was always honest about not wanting to lose his freedom. I never intended to take it away from him, but sometimes I needed to discuss things to feel good, and he struggled with that.
It's been a week now since we last had contact. We never really had a discussion to close everything; he shared his decision with me over the phone, I reacted badly, I tried to convince him to change his mind, and that's it.
The day after the phone call, he still agreed to come do an activity with me, but he said only because I told him it would make me feel better, and after that activity, he gave me back the things he had at his place. I still have things with me.
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
Well, here's the letter finally.
Thank you.
I respect and understand your choice.
I've wondered if it's also what I wanted and maybe I was just delusional to think otherwise.
I'm not expecting or needing you to respond to these messages. It was important for me to share my observations with a clear head rather than being in a flood of emotions. I fully understand that you don't need to receive this message, maybe you're already rolling your eyes. It's more for me that I'm doing this, it seemed like the right thing to do for me.
I'm not into blaming, victimizing, or reproaching, and I'm not taking all the blame on myself. I'll only speak about what belongs to me. I'm not angry, disappointed, and I have no negative feelings towards you. I know you're a good person with good intentions, and you never intended to hurt me in any way.
I accept your decision much more easily now that I've finally understood that having contact with me now does more harm than good. I've always wanted what's best for you and to make you feel special.
You know what I think of you, what I told you was never fake or to please you, it was simply the truth. For me, when I was with you, you were the most... things & things, and I had no interest in looking away. I never played games with you or tried to sell you dreams. I'm aware that it could have played against me, and I didn't care. But honestly, I never felt like you were taking advantage of that.
Not that I think you care about that, but I stopped talking to the guy I was chatting with at the Biodôme on the same day. If it helps some people, that's great, but for me, jumping into something else to feel better isn't healthy, I'd find it disrespectful, and it's just not me.
Sorry for losing sight of what was important and focusing too much on the past and things that didn't matter. Sorry for not being respectful and attentive towards the end, for making you feel like I didn't trust you/wanted to restrict you/didn't understand you bettedidn't assert my limits enough, and for not giving you the space you needed. I'm not perfect, I was just doing my best.
When I told you that we were better than that, well, I failed, and I let you down in a way, I acknowledge that, and I'm sorry. I messed up, and it's okay to make mistakes. You know, humans are sometimes poorly made, losing strength to realize things that were obvious.
I have work to do on myself in several aspects. I need to avoid creating scenarios, leave the past where it is, verbalize my needs and limits more clearly, in a better way and at the right time, learn to realize that what I have in front of me is true without suspicion, and learn to say: "This thing scares me, I don't know how to tame it, I don't know how it will affect us, let's talk about it."
I think just choosing better moments for certain discussions could potentially have changed the course of things. (We often had discussions about important things when we were drunk, it always turned out badly.)
I'm still the same guy I was a week ago, I haven't magically changed already, but what I can confidently tell you is that there has been an awakening, and I'm committed to evolving and being better.
I know that for you, us, it was a challenge and maybe sometimes destabilizing, it took you out of your comfort zone. I felt that you were doing your best, I never felt like you were forcing yourself, and for example, just holding my hand in public meant something significant to you. I could have taken that into consideration more and made sure you felt good and safe instead of adding pressure and frustration.
You and I are unique individuals, for whom it's not easy to build certain dynamics, we deserved to have what we had, but with the issues at the end, sometimes it wasn't easy.
I never wanted something conventional. For me, answering the question 'Are you a couple?' with 'No, it's just David & Mathieu' made me proud, and I liked it, for me, there was no need for further explanation.
I never asked or hoped for you to have the same requirements for yourself as I imposed on myself. I've always been very aware of your needs. The fact that it was important for me not to be touched by others, that belonged to me alone, I wish we could have navigated through that more healthily.
You often asked me what I expected from you, that it wasn't clear to you. I expected nothing more than what was ongoing. I was in this situation because I wanted to be, are you perfect as you are, I would say.... yes but no. But guess what, when I told you that you were perfect as you were, it was true, in the sense that even the things that weren't perfect made you a special thing for me. Don't try to understand, even I have difficulty understanding myself.
Trying out David & Mathieu wasn't a mistake for me, it was positive in many ways. And as I've already told you, what we had was enough for me, you were enough for me. The issues at the end for me were mostly predictable, all surmountable, and weighed less in the balance compared to the rest.
David & Mathieu was something peculiar, imperfect, and perfect at the same time. The fact that the best moments were mostly when we were alone together, that feeling that hand in hand it was us vs the rest, the feeling of pride and not wanting to be anywhere else and with anyone else at times.
I wish for us to find all of that again.
When you told me that you were lucky to have me, I was also lucky to have you, and I hope you know why.
Maybe one day, at the right time and if we both want it, we can see if it's possible to rebuild a friendly dynamic in which we both feel good. We've always managed to build better with the past. We make a good team when we're respectful and attentive.
I still wish to have you in my life, but if that's not possible, I'll respect that.
If someday we reconnect, I neither desire or need to revisit the issues we experienced. My mindset is to move towards something better and positive, not to fall back into negativity.
By the way, I have your grandfather's ring. I was wearing it when I got out of your car. If you want me to return your belongings quickly, let me know. Otherwise, don't worry, I'll take care of it.
I'll always be happy to hear from you, but I understand that you and I need space for now. Yes, even me.
This Saturday, Friday, or both nights, it's still to be determined, there's a possibility that I'll go out to the Eco with Emily. I'm not telling you to not go if that's what you had planned. But at the same time, I'd like us to respect what we need, but I don't want us to prevent each other from doing anything either.
If it happens soon that we come face to face, know that I'm no longer in the emotion, I'm good, I'll be friendly, and I'm ready to be flexible (leave) if necessary.
I don't plan to go to the Eco (a bar where we always went together, almost every weekend) often in the near future, this weekend is a bit special because Emily is staying in town exceptionally and plans to go out all weekend with friends from NY.
In conclusion, I would say once again that I respect your decision. It's unfortunate that we won't have the opportunity to continue having good times together. I've always had fun with you; it wasn't difficult.
Well, that's all. That's enough. That's already a lot.
Maybe one day I'll write a 10-minute song about an owl who always left 56,000 things at my place, who knows. 🤷🏻♂️ (he loves a Taylor S song that lasts 10 minutes about an ex of hers.)
Yes, I fully intend to make some cash off of you, no shame.
Bye for now
submitted by SnooChipmunks4981 to AvoidantBreakUps [link] [comments]
This is my first time writing here, and I'm not sure what to expect and what kind of responses I'll receive. I look forward to hearing from you!
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
I'm using fictional names.
For some context, I wrote the letter below to my "ex," although I'm not sure if I can really use the word "ex." We always referred to our relationship as simply David & Mathieu. When people asked us if we were a couple, we would say no, it was just David & Mathieu.
We were friends for a year and a half before starting a different dynamic. It wasn't planned or wanted; it just happened very naturally. He has always been someone special to me; I don't know how to explain it, but for as long as I can remember, he has been special to me, and I told him that.
Two things to know about him are that he has an avoidant attachment style, which he himself acknowledges. So sometimes it was complicated; he never reassured me about anything, had blockages like we couldn't see each other during the week, and very often I couldn't touch him (affectionately) because he needed space. But I know he made efforts and stepped out of his comfort zone for us. He started holding my hand in public by himself, opening up more and more, and introduced me to important people in his life. It may not seem like much, but for someone with an avoidant attachment style, it was already a lot.
What made the situation even more complicated is that he was also fraysexual. So as the relationship progressed, the closer we got, the less sexual interest he had in me. He still needed sex, but it wasn't possible with me. Again, he was aware of how he was, and we always talked about it openly.
David & Mathieu lasted 7 months, and what ended it were the arguments we had towards the end. I started feeling insecure about his sexuality, the fact that he was back on dating apps (he said it was just for hookups) - I believed him, but it still made me insecure, and he had trouble reassuring me. He would get angry and say that I doubted his word. Furthermore, I brought up things from the past, like a guy he had something with while we were together during the first month of David & Mathieu. Also, towards the end, he expressed his need for space and to minimize contact, and I also struggled to give him that. I believe I have an anxious attachment style, so it was complicated for me to respond to some of his requests. But when we were together, it was really good; we often told each other that the best moments together were when it was just the two of us.
Anyway, he gave reasons for ending us: that I often doubted his word, that I brought up the past too much, and that he felt like he couldn't do things he had the right to do (like sleeping with others) and that I couldn't give him the space he needed. He was always honest about not wanting to lose his freedom. I never intended to take it away from him, but sometimes I needed to discuss things to feel good, and he struggled with that.
It's been a week now since we last had contact. We never really had a discussion to close everything; he shared his decision with me over the phone, I reacted badly, I tried to convince him to change his mind, and that's it.
The day after the phone call, he still agreed to come do an activity with me, but he said only because I told him it would make me feel better, and after that activity, he gave me back the things he had at his place. I still have things with me.
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
Well, here's the letter finally.
Thank you.
I respect and understand your choice.
I've wondered if it's also what I wanted and maybe I was just delusional to think otherwise.
I'm not expecting or needing you to respond to these messages. It was important for me to share my observations with a clear head rather than being in a flood of emotions. I fully understand that you don't need to receive this message, maybe you're already rolling your eyes. It's more for me that I'm doing this, it seemed like the right thing to do for me.
I'm not into blaming, victimizing, or reproaching, and I'm not taking all the blame on myself. I'll only speak about what belongs to me. I'm not angry, disappointed, and I have no negative feelings towards you. I know you're a good person with good intentions, and you never intended to hurt me in any way.
I accept your decision much more easily now that I've finally understood that having contact with me now does more harm than good. I've always wanted what's best for you and to make you feel special.
You know what I think of you, what I told you was never fake or to please you, it was simply the truth. For me, when I was with you, you were the most... things & things, and I had no interest in looking away. I never played games with you or tried to sell you dreams. I'm aware that it could have played against me, and I didn't care. But honestly, I never felt like you were taking advantage of that.
Not that I think you care about that, but I stopped talking to the guy I was chatting with at the Biodôme on the same day. If it helps some people, that's great, but for me, jumping into something else to feel better isn't healthy, I'd find it disrespectful, and it's just not me.
Sorry for losing sight of what was important and focusing too much on the past and things that didn't matter. Sorry for not being respectful and attentive towards the end, for making you feel like I didn't trust you/wanted to restrict you/didn't understand you bettedidn't assert my limits enough, and for not giving you the space you needed. I'm not perfect, I was just doing my best.
When I told you that we were better than that, well, I failed, and I let you down in a way, I acknowledge that, and I'm sorry. I messed up, and it's okay to make mistakes. You know, humans are sometimes poorly made, losing strength to realize things that were obvious.
I have work to do on myself in several aspects. I need to avoid creating scenarios, leave the past where it is, verbalize my needs and limits more clearly, in a better way and at the right time, learn to realize that what I have in front of me is true without suspicion, and learn to say: "This thing scares me, I don't know how to tame it, I don't know how it will affect us, let's talk about it."
I think just choosing better moments for certain discussions could potentially have changed the course of things. (We often had discussions about important things when we were drunk, it always turned out badly.)
I'm still the same guy I was a week ago, I haven't magically changed already, but what I can confidently tell you is that there has been an awakening, and I'm committed to evolving and being better.
I know that for you, us, it was a challenge and maybe sometimes destabilizing, it took you out of your comfort zone. I felt that you were doing your best, I never felt like you were forcing yourself, and for example, just holding my hand in public meant something significant to you. I could have taken that into consideration more and made sure you felt good and safe instead of adding pressure and frustration.
You and I are unique individuals, for whom it's not easy to build certain dynamics, we deserved to have what we had, but with the issues at the end, sometimes it wasn't easy.
I never wanted something conventional. For me, answering the question 'Are you a couple?' with 'No, it's just David & Mathieu' made me proud, and I liked it, for me, there was no need for further explanation.
I never asked or hoped for you to have the same requirements for yourself as I imposed on myself. I've always been very aware of your needs. The fact that it was important for me not to be touched by others, that belonged to me alone, I wish we could have navigated through that more healthily.
You often asked me what I expected from you, that it wasn't clear to you. I expected nothing more than what was ongoing. I was in this situation because I wanted to be, are you perfect as you are, I would say.... yes but no. But guess what, when I told you that you were perfect as you were, it was true, in the sense that even the things that weren't perfect made you a special thing for me. Don't try to understand, even I have difficulty understanding myself.
Trying out David & Mathieu wasn't a mistake for me, it was positive in many ways. And as I've already told you, what we had was enough for me, you were enough for me. The issues at the end for me were mostly predictable, all surmountable, and weighed less in the balance compared to the rest.
David & Mathieu was something peculiar, imperfect, and perfect at the same time. The fact that the best moments were mostly when we were alone together, that feeling that hand in hand it was us vs the rest, the feeling of pride and not wanting to be anywhere else and with anyone else at times.
I wish for us to find all of that again.
When you told me that you were lucky to have me, I was also lucky to have you, and I hope you know why.
Maybe one day, at the right time and if we both want it, we can see if it's possible to rebuild a friendly dynamic in which we both feel good. We've always managed to build better with the past. We make a good team when we're respectful and attentive.
I still wish to have you in my life, but if that's not possible, I'll respect that.
If someday we reconnect, I neither desire or need to revisit the issues we experienced. My mindset is to move towards something better and positive, not to fall back into negativity.
By the way, I have your grandfather's ring. I was wearing it when I got out of your car. If you want me to return your belongings quickly, let me know. Otherwise, don't worry, I'll take care of it.
I'll always be happy to hear from you, but I understand that you and I need space for now. Yes, even me.
This Saturday, Friday, or both nights, it's still to be determined, there's a possibility that I'll go out to the Eco with Emily. I'm not telling you to not go if that's what you had planned. But at the same time, I'd like us to respect what we need, but I don't want us to prevent each other from doing anything either.
If it happens soon that we come face to face, know that I'm no longer in the emotion, I'm good, I'll be friendly, and I'm ready to be flexible (leave) if necessary.
I don't plan to go to the Eco (a bar where we always went together, almost every weekend) often in the near future, this weekend is a bit special because Emily is staying in town exceptionally and plans to go out all weekend with friends from NY.
In conclusion, I would say once again that I respect your decision. It's unfortunate that we won't have the opportunity to continue having good times together. I've always had fun with you; it wasn't difficult.
Well, that's all. That's enough. That's already a lot.
Maybe one day I'll write a 10-minute song about an owl who always left 56,000 things at my place, who knows. 🤷🏻♂️ (he loves a Taylor S song that lasts 10 minutes about an ex of hers.)
Yes, I fully intend to make some cash off of you, no shame.
Bye for now