My boyfriends mom and i argue

My father and my mother have been married for 20+ years. I have an older sister (30) who lives in the house, though she isn’t actually blood-related at all, she worked at a place my dad owned and soon she needed a place to stay so she just moved in with us and I see her as my sister. One day her and I were just browsing on her phone through her pictures and looking at memories, though I caught before she could pull the phone away a nude photo, she believes I didn’t see anything and goes throughout her day, before that day I always noted that she was very protective of her phone whenever I would ask to use it, but I brushed it off as nothing. A few weeks later her phone is bugged and we take it to apple and she gets a new phone, so her old one is at the house, a few weeks later I am dying to know, who the hell is she sending nudes to? She doesn’t have a boyfriend so who are these pictures for? I charge her phone and look at her photos and there are so many nudes. Though I find a screenshot of a text from her phone and I look up the name in her contacts and it seems she has a boyfriend, I get a little angry that she didn’t introduce him and it was so erotic but, I brush it off, she is old enough she can make decisions by herself. Though when I am looking through to find the text using the keyword searcher my dad’s number pops up and I look and she is sending him nudes and they are talking about hooking up. Even when my mom caught my dad deleting a text saying “I love you honey” to my sister and they got into a big fight over it, my sister explained to me how crazy it sounds. I feel so pissed off and lied to and disgusted, I want to do something but I’m just so lost on what to do, we aren’t financially stable to be able to have a divorce going and it would screw up our lives, but my mom, bless her heart, deserves to know. What should I do?

My father and my mother have been married for 20+ years. I have an older sister (30) who lives in the house, though she isn’t actually blood-related at all, she worked at a place my dad owned and soon she needed a place to stay so she just moved in with us and I see her as my sister. One day her and I were just browsing on her phone through her pictures and looking at memories, though I caught before she could pull the phone away a nude photo, she believes I didn’t see anything and goes throughout her day, before that day I always noted that she was very protective of her phone whenever I would ask to use it, but I brushed it off as nothing. A few weeks later her phone is bugged and we take it to apple and she gets a new phone, so her old one is at the house, a few weeks later I am dying to know, who the hell is she sending nudes to? She doesn’t have a boyfriend so who are these pictures for? I charge her phone and look at her photos and there are so many nudes. Though I find a screenshot of a text from her phone and I look up the name in her contacts and it seems she has a boyfriend, I get a little angry that she didn’t introduce him and it was so erotic but, I brush it off, she is old enough she can make decisions by herself. Though when I am looking through to find the text using the keyword searcher my dad’s number pops up and I look and she is sending him nudes and they are talking about hooking up. Even when my mom caught my dad deleting a text saying “I love you honey” to my sister and they got into a big fight over it, my sister explained to me how crazy it sounds. I feel so pissed off and lied to and disgusted, I want to do something but I’m just so lost on what to do, we aren’t financially stable to be able to have a divorce going and it would screw up our lives, but my mom, bless her heart, deserves to know. What should I do?

As the title states I (22F) have been dating my boyfriend (25M) for almost a year now. We are both in college and stay in off campus apartments (although he is at mine 80% of the time.) He was raised by a single mom and grandma who basically did everything for him his whole life. Cooked for him, fed him, cleaned up for and after him, and so forth. Being an oldest sibling of 5 I have a lot of naturally maternal instincts and nature.
I do all the cooking, plating of our meals, all the dishes afterwards, and cleaning of my room which he is constantly dirtying. If I don’t cook he starves. He can’t even make a bowl of ramen. If I don’t pick up after him under my bed will be littered with candy wrappers, juice bottles, chip bags, and so forth. Occasionally we’ll eat in bed and watch a movie or something (I’ve since started making us eat at the table at all times due to this) and I’ll catch him wiping his fingers and hands off on my pillows and sheets… despite me providing ample napkins. He undresses and throws clothes onto the ground. He leaves dirty socks EVERYWHERE.
I’ve voiced once how important it is for me to maintain a clean or atleast tidy room due to my depression… but I don’t think it really got through. It’s tiring feeling like I have to teach a grown man how to be clean. How do I go about another conversation regarding this.

Hey everyone,
I joined this subreddit because I haven't been successful finding many resources online that could help me. A little background on me:
I'm 34, turning 35 very soon, and I was diagnosed with ADHD this year. I've been on medication for nearly 2 months which has improved a lot of my symptoms, especially at work. I only was assessed for ADHD because I didn't bring up that I also suspect comorbid Autism. I am still unsure because many of the "common" symptoms are very mild with me. I thought posting here could help me figure out if other diagnosed people have experienced it, or if it has no relation to autism at all. But it's been on my mind for months, there's just a lot that I can't explain with ADHD. I need to mention that I was diagnosed with BPD in the past due to extremely poor emotional regulation, but always felt like it was a misdiagnosis (even my therapist at the time said I barely scored over the required points).
Here's the things I have experienced my whole life (I know some of them are related to ADHD, but this is where the symptoms overlap):
Stimming: I've done it since I can think. As a kid I constantly ran my hands against certain textures I found interesting. I still do it, like when I work on my PC I have to run my fingers across the keys, especially where the keys have bumps, or scroll the wheel on my mouse or run my fingers across the plastic. I also pick the skin of my heel all the time, the rough bits, and sometimes so much that it hurts to walk on it. When I'm out I always have to touch rough surfaces. There's more I'm embarrassed to talk about, but in the past it caused my classmates to make fun out of me because I didn't notice it was out of the norm to do.
Eye contact: Talking to someone and looking them in the eye makes me incredibly uncomfortable and I really have to force myself to do it. When I'm in conversation I usually never directly look at someone's face, it makes me so anxious to do.
Special interests: I had these since I was extremely young and while I know this can also be attributed by ADHD, it is both a hyperfocus for me as well as an extreme hyperfixation. When I'm interested in something it completely absorbs me. I can't stop thinking about it, I have to learn everything I can about it (usually that's where my ADHD kicks in tho, because I get bored very fast and then I move onto the next interest) and, especially in the past, it used to be all I talk about, even to people who are not in the matter. For me it's gone from Disney movies as a child (Disney's Hercules especially, I was nonstop about it), to books, to video games, to anime, you name it. When I'm into it, I am so fixated that everything else is uninteresting. That has gotten better as I got older - I guess I learned to hide it better, or maybe it helps that my partner shares my interests so I don't have to hold back. But also because I have become so non stop exhausted that talking in general is hard these days lol
Things that make me uncomfortable: when I was in my teens, I hated being touched by people and it made me angry when my friends tried to hug me. This has been remarked upon by my friends at the time, after which I tried to mask it better. I am still uncomfortable with hugs at times. I love cuddling my partner and I give my friends or family brief hugs if I know them very very well. If I don't, I still fucking hate hugs. I am, for some reason, especially awkward around my mother. Showing any affection with her is so hard for me and makes me feel extremely bad. I suppose it is because we did have a very difficult past and I had lost trust in her for a long time, so somehow I still cannot associate her as a safe space. But it's so damn hard. Also other people being upset makes me super uncomfortable. I used to not really know how to react, I've taught myself to be better about in the last years, but it is still a very awkward position for me to be in. That said, I definitely feel empathy and sympathy to an extreme degree sometimes. I know when people are mad or upset, sometimes long before they say anything. But that, in my opinion, is a survival mechanism. I had to teach myself to be vigilant to people's emotions due to past trauma.
I also really hate certain textures. Cream or anything oily makes me feel really uncomfortable and I used to not be able to moisturize myself during my younger years because I hated the feeling sooo much. It's better now but I still have to wash my hands immediately if I touch something oily lol
Food wise I'm okay. Textures don't bother me and I can eat almost everything (apart from peppers and spicy food). But I did cause some big scenes in the past when my mum and brother tried to get me to eat something spicy lol
Speaking of outbursts, here we come to why I was diagnosed with BPD before.
It is a LOT better now (unless something really triggers me) but I had the worst emotional regulation for the longest time. Stuff that threw me off was often:
Being made to do something I didn't want to do. Having a plan in my head that I wanted to do and then being told no or something getting in the way/plans falling apart, even if the plan was only in my head. Being slighted. People acting different towards me than they did before. Injustice, personal or at work. Drastic changes with my work routine and not being told early enough. Very loud noises or music. Rejection
I had an incredibly difficult relationship with my mother for the longest time due to my outbursts. My impulsivity definitely has played a major factor here, but also it always was so hard to feel understood. I was told all my life to act and behave a certain way, if I didn't I was in trouble. I was always the odd one out, especially at school, but also within my family, which is why I cut off contact with everyone but my mum and my brother.
It is hard to make friendships because masking is hard and I usually spend so much energy doing it at work that my social life is barely existent. My boyfriend always jokes about me taking things very literally because I can't figure out he's being sarcastic and this has become an inside joke between us.
But there are things that I do that argue against autism. Here is where I'd like some insight from others. I can be pretty spontaneous - however, if I think about it, even my "spontaneous" trips have at least a little mental preparation behind it. I don't have difficulties figuring out how a person feels by their body language, tone or expression. I am quite quick to spot how a person is feeling. I can do small talk (although it literally has no meaning to me, I just do it to have some social contact from time to time). I like routine but due to ADHD I am used to not having one. But I like to do things a certain way I guess and I have a hard, hard time breaking out of that way, or thinking out of the box. I just am unsure if that ticks the list or not because I don't get too upset if I have to do something differently.
Sorry, this got longer than expected. But any insight or your personal stories are extremely appreciated!

Tw: CSA, neglect, emotional and mental abuse, poverty
My mom was very neglectful. She was never actively abusive but never did much to protect me from abuse. I was sexually abused by my step sister for years, which she knew about and didn't do anything. Years and years of emotional and mental abuse from her boyfriends. A loss of electricity, water, heat, and food due to her spending all her money on her partners addictions.
We did therapy and I was willing to forgive her under the assumption that she'd grown and changed, but after a bad experience at a wedding back in August, I don't know if that's so true. I now firmly believe that if I were a child in her care now, she'd do the same thing.
I love her, and I've always desperately wanted her to love me too, and she does... But she's not a proactive parent. I think I'm done with her, but I'm struggling to pull the trigger. I want to, but I can't seem to make myself do it, and I'm not sure why. I guess it's because she was never my main abuser, so it's easy to write it off.
I've made small steps. Unfriending then blocking on Facebook, leaving groupchats, I've stopped responding to messages.
Those of you with neglectful parents, how did you do it? What was the final straw? How did you gain the courage to make it happen and how did you do it?
How did you know you were doing the right thing by going NC?

I want to preface this by saying I am an awful person for what I have done to not only myself but my girlfriend and I wish I could take it all back and no this is not some shitpost or fetish porn story this is a serious post and I’m here for advice not attention.
I (18M) and my girlfriend (18F) met in our freshman year of high school and became friends quickly and started dating in our sophomore year but our relationship is mostly just hugs and kisses since my girlfriend wants to take our relationship slow and wait till we’re married to do things like having sex, the only time we did something different was in our junior year of high school since we used to do stupid things all the time like sneaking out and shoplifting and one time we had sex when her mom wasn’t home which we both regret and have agreed to wait till marriage. We’re both seniors in high school now and will be graduating in a few weeks, I have a good relationship with her two siblings (18M) and (17F) and her mom sadly her dad passed away in a car accident in 2022 which is one of the reasons she started to do the crap we did in our junior year since she wanted to cope.
So I’m staying at her house for a few days since my parents are currently having guests over at our house and my only option is to sleep on the couch and I chose to stay with my girlfriend instead, I got home from school yesterday and my girlfriend and her siblings were at her cousins (16F) birthday party and her mom stayed home since she was taking care of her friends dog this week and couldn’t leave him alone. I just went in my girlfriends room and watched Netflix for a while and I eventually went downstairs to get a snack and on my way to the kitchen her mom called for me to come over so I went over and asked what’s up and she just wanted to talk to me since she was feeling lonely so we talked for a bit just normal friendly banter, eventually she started being I guess sort of flirty and I was uncomfortable but tried to be nice and eventually she asked me to put my hands on her and I really wish I didn’t but I did.
She eventually realized I was uncomfortable and felt bad about it and told me I could leave and here’s where I was a piece of complete shit, I didn’t leave and I continued to touch her knowing what I was doing was wrong and I got horny as I kept touching her breasts and crotch and I want to take a pause for a minute and just let you all know how fucked up I am, I was so desperate for sexual pleasure I didn’t even care what I was doing and how I was touching her fucking mom. One thing led to another and well we had sex and when we finished I just went upstairs and cried, I can’t believe I hurt not only myself but my girlfriend and our relationship and her trust it’s all over now.
I took the day off school today since I just couldn’t bring myself to get out of bed, I haven’t told my girlfriend yet but if I do she’ll definitely break up with me and if I lie I’ll feel too guilty I’m a horrible fucking boyfriend and don’t even deserve her. This isn’t her moms fault she told me I could leave and I pushed for sex and now I just ruined my chances of getting married and starting a family with her because our relationship is fucking over and I can’t tell anyone about this so I’m coming to you Reddit for advice.

My boyfriend opened up and said he’s not happy in the relationship, but that he loves me and it’s not my fault. We’re in our early 20s, live together and sometimes argue, but it’s usually his fault that a disagreement turns into an argument (his words) By this, I mean we’ll have a small disagreement about something and he’ll suddenly be aggressive towards me and tell me to fuck off or something similar, which he knows really upsets me, I never use this language towards him. This has been an issue for over a year but the past 2 months it’s gotten a lot better, with less arguing and name calling. For reference we’ve been together 4 years.
He opened up and said he isn’t happy, and feels how he treats me isn’t right. I’ve asked him how I can change to improve things and he said there’s nothing I can do, that I’m great and I’m not the problem… I just don’t understand? He says he loves me and doesn’t want to loose me, but he’s unsure about the relationship because of his behaviour towards me. I know we have some issues, but overall I’m happy in the relationship. I’ve told him this and he says I shouldn’t be because of the way he treats me.
Our tenancy is up soon and we were about to sign for a new one in a new area. What should I do? Is he trying to get me to break up with him? Should I suggest we both have some time apart and move back home separately? He’s also unhappy in other areas of his life (his job and family life) so I feel this is a big affect too. But I can’t get over what he’s said and I don’t know what to do.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. We are very happy together, just bought a house and have plans to get engaged this year. Over the past year his mother's behavior has been completely out of line.
My boyfriend has always had a strained relationship with her, but in the last two years we have been together I've witnessed it and it’s gotten out of control. She treats him like a child, gets mad if we make our own decisions, sends rude texts, expects him and me to be at her beck and call for tasks and errands (if my boyfriend says no she will withdraw love), bullies him and says so many uncalled for and hurtful things.
The day we closed on our home, his mom called him and said "Your relationship is toxic, there's a list of things I don't like about her, it's her fault you bought a house with her, etc.” she never once said congratulations the entire house buying process.
Anything we don't do her way, she throws a fit, makes rude comments or acts like a child.
For example, I am of the jewish religion, which she has always been very welcoming of and in the past has gotten me gifts for the Jewish holidays. This past Christmas she told my boyfriend I could go sit in the other room of their house alone while she put a church service on tv. On Christmas Day, his sisters husband got air pod and lululemon and I got a $9 box of packing cubes.
When we first started dating his mom was very welcoming; always complimenting me, saying we were a great couple. About a year ago after we moved in together I noticed she started acting differently towards me.
She will blame anything she can on me to make me look like a bad person. Now that I know what she thinks of me, I have no desire to be around her or involve her in any part of my life. She went on to say I need to do work on my end to mend the relationship with her.
My boyfriend has said for a while, she is very close to being out of our life. He had a sit down conversation with his mother and his father about her behavior and how we are feeling, expressed that it cannot continue and she agreed to apologize to me.
It's been more than two months, so my boyfriend informed his dad that she has yet to reach out to me- to which he responded "she thought we were past it" and my boyfriend made it clear that she still needs to apologize. A couple days later he called his mom and had to beg her to apologize to me. When he asked her to say sorry she lied and said she already apologized to me, which never happened. And I started going crazy thinking maybe she did and i didn’t remember ( add gaslighting to the list)
The disrespect has gone on for too long and her inability to apologize for the hurtful things she has said tells me everything we need to know. She doesn't treat her son like an adult or with any ounce of respect. She has no desire to have a relationship with me or even suck it up for the sake of her son's happiness. I feel bad for my boyfriend since he has been dealing with her his whole life and he doesn't deserve to be treated like this. His older sister moved 6 hours away and hardly comes home to visit and I think we know why.

I've been through too much and am way over my limit. Grew up in an industry where I was used by adults & abused on all levels by clients and agents. I never saw any of the money I made. My parents fought every day growing up, then made me the therapist/referee for them. One also molested me as a child repeatedly. My first boyfriend also SA'd me. I've never talked about that to anyone except one person, who I love so much but all I seem to be able to do is make his life worse, and I delude myself somehow into thinking it's the other way around. Yes I have BPD.
When my parents split and one got out, I became the punching bag because I stayed. And then I was homeless. And then I was back in the same industry and almost starved myself to death. I tried to kill myself then. I failed and got 5150d. I felt like a failure for failing even at that. My mom started using it as something to hold over my head. I tried to cut her off. I ended up resolving things with my dad, who was the victim before I was with my mom. And then he fucking died. And then all his debt fell on me. And my entire family on his side started laying all their issues on me, and cut me off from family gatherings.
Then my only other tether (grandparent) passed from being sad about my dad and my dad's sister dragged me through court over it and my being left things she didn't see fit. She didn't even see me as human, let alone family. I had to move back in with my mom around this time and she took out everything on me again. But this time she even tried to kill me several times. I thought I was going to end up dead because of her but somehow didn't. Or worse we'd both hurt each other, but for me from self defense. Around this time I also found out I have a health condition that's killing me. I'm going to be lucky to make it to 32. And no one knows. And now that's only 5 years away and I can feel my body falling apart and no one sees a thing.
All I do is hurt people I love. And not even realize it until it's too late. I tried to go to therapy, but I can't afford it anymore. I can't get medicated because of shortages either. It feels like there's no point in my existing. Why was I here if only to suffer so much? I miss my family but they're all dead. One of my aunts just died and I don't know how to keep holding on. And then one of my younger sisters, the ONLY ones keeping me here and sane, TRIED TO KILL HERSELF when I was out of town for my aunt's funeral. What is the point of my being here if I can't even stop them from making my mistakes?!
Where I'm so unlovable that everyone tires of me eventually?! That I'm here just to die?! And then my mom tops it off the other day telling me she regrets ever having me. I didn't ask to be born. I didn't ask for any of this so why does it keep happening?! What did I ever do to deserve this kind of life??? Where when I think I'm starting to get my shit together I find out my delusion was delusioning too close to the sun again. I barely pay my bills. I'm in debt still. I would've been okay if I could only just get my shit together but I keep making the same loop. I don't want to keep hurting people I love. And then because of my job being in the public eye I can't even just be honest about it to that audience. Everyone thinks I have it all together and that I live this great life and no one but the one I love who now can't even bring himself to say he loves me knew about it.

Edit: apoglize for the errors. This has been a post longtime in the making. I’ve been penting up so much stress from this. On top of working and now looking for a job i’m responsible for being my nmoms maid. You might thing where she is all the time while I do all these things? She’s at work and the rest of the day is her spending time up in her room getting drunk and talking to her boyfriend , on the weekends she doesn’t even spend a ounce of time to do HER chores and expects me to them for her. While she drives out hours away to see her boyfriend IN PERSON this time. That’s all her energy is put into. She literally abandons her chores and responsibilities for a man. Yep. You heard that right.
So l (20F) live with my parents still. When I turned 18, my Nmom basically stooped down to the mental state and emotional state of a child. I have a mom but I don't have a mother yk. She wants everything to be done for her but won't do the same for anyone else. I've helped my Nmom out a few times and every time I do she treats me like garbage and she never helps me out. It's just unfair, she wouldn't even drive me to my doctors appointments or to the dmv bc it's always about her. She just didn't care. Anytime I needed her help and just with anything she would be up in the room just on her phone doing everything but not tending to my needs.
Idk if it's just me but I her behavior towards housework and her just not having to help out let alone DO ANYTHING seems very skewed and unfair. Since I'm 20 and I don't have to pay the bills but I still suffer. I still suffer from every ounce of abuse, my payment is my mental sanity. I've had my childhood tainted because of her. She made everything revolve around her even when i was 15 years old. She never helped out except putting a roof over my head, feeing me and putting clothes on me. But that was it, I never got a mother who was mature and healthy. She made me her therapist and made everything aot HER struggles, HER trauma, HER issues. My childhood wasn't like everyone else's. She's an adult child, she makes tons of excuses, she leaves the house without having any of her responsibilities done like her chores. She has so much time to do them but she always ditches them so I have to do it. My mom doesn't have any hobbies, friends, interests.
She's always out and about, I never see her cuz she's always with her boyfriend. She's always going out to see her boyfriend leaving the house a mess and not doing any of her chores before hand. She's the equivalent of a teenager who goes out partying instead of finishing their homework, that's the best way I can describe it. She goes out of her way to see her boyfriend who isn't even a good guy toh cuz he's abusive and toxic too. He's just another supply to my Nmom. It's so hard for me to explain the fact that my Nmom literally does nothing except work and she runs with that as an excuse. Even during the weekend she somehow "never" has time to do her own damn chores. She goes out of her way to make a mess but never has time to clean it up?? Like I shit you not. It drives me fucking crazy. She comes up with two excuses and expects me to believe it. She acts like she CANT do it when ik she can. It's not like she's a mother of six kids working four jobs and a single mother. She's not. she's trying so hard to be those busy mothers as an excuse to not clean after herself. She's absolutely lazy and disgusting.
She's a pig. It's quite pathetic. She wants me to do everything for her, pick after her own shit, flush the toilet for her, wipe stuff down that she made a mess out of, clean her dishes, do HER laundry, and much much more. So while I'm cleaning all day even after I get home from my job, she just is always out and about. She's nowhere to be found in the house and then I find the entire place a mess! And guess what? ALL of the mess is her mess! So during that time when she was here AT HOME which is like 5 mins before she’s out d again, she couldvee spent the time cleaning after herself before she left but no, she leaves in a mess to make me pick it up! Get this, on every Friday of the week she goes out and doesn’t come bald till Monday. The house is clean because she’s not home but she would abandon her chores. She expects me to do them for her while she’s out seeing her fucking boyfriend. I find extremely extremely bizarre of her I do that because if I want to see my boyfriend, I would make sure all of my chores are done. Isn’t that a basic rule a mother would tell her child? Why is my Nmom just PATHETIC!? Ugh. Before I leave the house I always make sure my dishes and chores are done. I make sure my room is clean. But for some reason, she can’t do any of that.
There were times where we will come home at the same time and I would just wish for a teamwork helper moment with my mom, but she would just go straight up to her room and drink and talk to her boyfriend all night while I'm cleaning, taking the dog out, feeding him, changing his water bowl and more! It's not like I'm complaining that she's making me do this. I just wish she were to help out. I know most of the things in here are basic things I’m required to do but it’s the fact she feels entitled to not clean up after herself and expect me to do it for her. Like seriously? This is a Cinderella daughter dynamic. My mother should be cleaning her own mess. Am I in the wrong to be upset about this? I can make an entire list for you guys to explain. It drives me absolutely mad. I am losing myself and my mental state is declining. It’s terrible that I have to do all of my nmom’s chores while she gets to have fun and do all these things. Before I do anything, I always make sure my house is in order before I have fun, but she can’t do that! FUCK. It makes me suicidal. She’ll leave her house quite literally a mess so she can just have more fun. It’s just so irresponsible.

NOT looking for advice!
I've (29F) been a single mom of my 8 yr old son, Jay (with ASD) since he was 1. I've spent almost all of my 20's being a stay at home mother because no one is willing to babysit my son, so I'm forced to go on income assistance because I don't have the luxury of keeping a job. (and babysitters that are trained for kids with ASD charge more than minimum wage) My ex partner did babysit sometimes in the past so I could go on dates, but he now lives in another province and only visits Jay once every 2 months.
I can't go anywhere without Jay, nor can I find anyone willing to watch him, so setting up dates with potential partners is impossible. Bringing partners to my home is out of the question too because I refuse to introduce strangers (or potentially dangerous people) to Jay that will only be hookups or short term boyfriends, especially with his anxiety disorder .. plus I'd still need to watch Jay even at home. It would be a bit hard staying in the bedroom, or have any sort of quality time without interruption. I also don't have any friends to help (Thanks to the ex)
I try going on dating sites sometimes but after a few minutes I drop it because I remember how pointless it is. With the life I currently live, I might as well only date long distance, but my love language is touch and quality time. Which would only be more frustrating.
I'm just so tired of it all. I just want to do something outside of caring for others, something for myself.
Note: I should probably add that in no way is this about me being annoyed that my son is on the spectrum, but me being annoyed of the lack of support from family because they don't know how to tolerate him without my constant help.

Excuse the weird title, it's a bit too complicated for a concise title.
Anyway, my gf has a best friend. We have always gotten along well enough, me and her have some things in common but we only hang out in group settings. There was something odd about her since I've met her though.
She always had boy trouble, which my gf and I offered advice for. I always thought she's messing around with guys instead of focusing on herself and getting her life where she wants it to be. Recently, my gf and I were talking and it turns out that she cheated on pretty much every guy she's been with.
Fast forward to right now. We are on a group trip, me, my gf and her best friend. The boyfriend is not around. We have never met him on account that we have been living abroad for almost two years, but she told us a lot of good things about him and he seems like a great guy. We already made a bunch of plans for the things we want to do.
Here's the thing. We have been roadtripping for over a month. Spending prolonged time with her showed me just how selfish she really is, but I am not going to get into the details because it doesn't matter. What does matter, however, is that on this road trip is also a friend of my girlfriend, a guy which best friend hooked up with. She ghosted him afterwards (a very common practice for her, and she even ghosted us when she was supposed to come live at us abroad. But we forgave her because getting new friends is a bitch).
Anyway, we have been drinking occasionally and she has been very touchy with this guy, even though he was really uncomfortable with her doing this. My gf had to send them to bed because she was worried her bf might do something stupid. All while this was going on, she is talking to her bf and a bunch of guys from this country, that she met while they were in our country.
While I didn't believe she would just willy nilly cheat on him, especially how "in love" she is with him, and everytime she cheated in the past she would rationalise it very well, she confided in me one night that she was drunk. Why I don't know, because we have been arguing a lot and honestly I hated her fucking guts. But after she confided in me I just think she's pathetic and I don't want to associate myself anymore with her.
Basically, what she said was that she needs a guy, that if I would help her hookup with the other guy that is on this roadtrip with us (the one she ghosted) and that it doesn't count because her boyfriend isn't here. There was more, but that's the gist of it. Her tone was just so vile, that I couldn't believe what I was hearing. My girlfriend almost doesn't believe me, because it "doesn't sound like her." And I agree. But I think she has now shown her true colours.
I've been struggling with what to do in this situation. I really want to tell the boyfriend, because he seems like an awesome dude and he deserves better, particularly because he has big trauma from being cheated on before. His marriage was destroyed when his best friend and his wife started playing hide the sausage behind his back.
I don't intend on spending any time with her ever again. She is still my GFs best friend and so I will be complicating my own relationship, but I am sure she will want to stay with me. She doesn't know what to do and so has left the decision to me.
So reddit, what do I do? On the one hand, she hasn't done anything yet, but with her history and inclinations, I am leaning towards telling him what she said and a bit about her history.

I (15F) and my boyfriend (17M) have been dating for a little over a year. (For context he is a junior and I am a sophomore) We met through Snapchat and instantly hit it off, and by chance we were going to the same school. We chatted for a while and a few days later after we met he asked me out, and eager as I was I said yes. Over the past year he has been extremely sweet, he often buys me flowers and gets me gifts and is extremely caring. He is intelligent, and has many accomplishments that are impressive for his age, which was one of the factors that piqued my interest in him. We both have very similar personalities and make each other laugh and balance our weirdness in good ways. However, over the past year, I guess you could say some red flags have been sticking out to me and lately I’ve been overthinking a lot whether I should break up with him or not, but I don’t know what to do and I need advice. For context I have tried to break up and have broken up with him multiple times but kept getting back together with him a day or two after because he spams my number with 200 messages and makes me feel bad. In addition, I feel so attached to him that I feel I can’t break myself off of him. Over the year he has shown sides of him that are more so controlling over his possession of me. For example, I do a sport 6 days a week and I am very close with the girls on my team and I call them my friends. I’ve tried to talk to him about them and our time together. However he hates whenever I call someone my friend, and feels that no one can be close enough to be called that but him, and I have had to refer to them as “girls on my team”. He’s asked me multiple times to stop talking to them, and just to focus on my sport. However I replied that I feel that my sport wouldn’t be as fun to be at if I didn’t have that friendship or connections with the people on my team. He however kept pressing on that he was right until I just agreed with him despite my feelings just so I wouldn’t have to argue. In addition he doesn’t let me have sleepovers with anyone and says he feels uncomfortable that I would be sharing a bed with another girl. Moreover through our team in our relationship, he often stays up later than me doing homework, since he often procrastinates and has extracurriculars. At the start of our relationship, he often asked me to stay up with him despite my exhaustion from practice ( I get home around 8) in order to help with his loneliness as he would stay up till 2-3am. Multiple times I tried to resolve this issue but he would always go back to his ways until recently when I threatened to break up with him for the 10th or something time. He tends to constantly go through my phone and doesn’t let me follow any of my friends on any social media as he disapproves of them and monitors my chats and will get upset with me if I talk with them. He constantly tells me that he will never find a better girl than me or anyone else to love than me. He constantly asks me if I will ever leave and I say no but I am constantly thinking about it. He’s always helping me and thinking of me but I don’t know whether this relationship is worth staying in and better yet how to end off the relationship without having to interact with him. For context I only hangout with him at school since I stopped interacting closely with anyone and I don’t know where to go if I did break up things with him especially since my school is small. What should I do?

I've come to a dark, and difficult realization this last week, and ever since I've been really tired and operating on autopilot. I don't feel safe talking to anyone I know about this, so I'm coming to you, internet strangers. Every second of downtime that I get, I go back to this thought, and it's weighing on me.
But first, some back story. This is going to seem totally unrelated, but just take the ride with me real quick.
Although in many ways I lived a privileged life growing up, my parents and younger brother were all emotionally, verbally, financially, and often times physically abusive. There were times when I feared for my life. But perhaps the worst of it was that they were careful. They carefully built a reputation for me--clumsy, strong-willed, dishonest. It was a reputation that I internalized and grew to think was true, up until I had my daughter. Now, she's nearly three, and I am finally breaking my family's hold on me. Permanently.
Like most abuse victims, I tried to leave them several times. It was my baby's father who taught me how to leave for good, and who taught me the importance of severing ties permanently. When I first left him, I needed financial support from my parents, and was grateful to have it. I know so many victims don't have that and can't get out because of it. And, while they were the lesser of two evils, they've proved in the last few years over and over that they are still, in fact, an evil. And one I need out of my life. My dad got me a job when I was well enough to work again after I left, but it only gave him more access to me. And I let him. I'm a grown adult woman. At any moment I could have had the courage and the strength to just walk away. No amount of perceived financial security (because relying on them is not financial security) is worth what I've gone through emotionally on behalf of him and this 'job'. But now, after years of moving over and over again and not feeling safe or secure, my daughter and I have housing that I won't have to worry about losing for the foreseeable future.
I have provided for her a roof over her head, but more than that, a place to grow in and call her own. A place where she can put posters on her wall and have a playground in the back yard and raise a puppy. It's beautiful, and it means that I know that I can now pursue a career that better aligns with the schedule, work-life balance, and emotional fulfillment that she and I need to better our lives. In other words, I've put in my two weeks' at that job so that I can find something more sustainable and sever my ties with my family closer to for-good.
I think that this is why I've had this sudden realization about my daughter's dad. It has been an incredibly emotional time. The universe seems to be throwing tests at me left and right, as if to say, are you sure? Will you really go through with it this time?
And I will. I have faith in myself as a mother more so than I have ever had faith in myself as a person. I know what my daughter needs me to do, so I'll do it. I know where I want to be so that she can grow and thrive, so I will go there.
But it has reminded me of the person I was, who did not know this, and who did not feel so sure.
When I first met my ex, he said and did all of the right things. I was a newly appointed executive in a male-dominated industry, and I was young and single in a conservative area where any indication that I was not wearing a chastity belt read as an invitation to pursue to every man I worked with or around. I was fresh out of another abusive relationship, still repeating the cycle my family had taught me, and was vulnerable.
And he played the part of my savior very well. We were together two years, and I supported him through COVID and losing his high-paying engineer job only to one day, suddenly, discover that virtually everything about him was a lie. Not only was he cheating on me--heavily, while I was at work and he was pretending to freelance, with several women including some I thought were my friends--but he had no college degree, much less a master's degree in engineering, and he had never had the job he allegedly lost. He was a con-artist with two children by two different women, a separate fiancee he'd been with since high school and kept trying to bring into our lives, and so much more. He was using his older, disabled brother's ssn at the job I had gotten him to avoid paying child support. He had even lied about how his parents died.
I'm not even sure I knew his legal name.
To be clear, I found out about the cheating first. That was it. The rest of it, I'm sure I had vague suspicions of. But I had trusted him. If something was off, then he probably had a sound explanation and it wasn't my business. I was young and stupid, and he was still acting perfectly normal.
I broke up with him, then, just to find out a month later that despite using birth control and condoms religiously, and despite having more than one prognosis that I would never conceive let alone carry a child, I was pregnant. At the time, I was no contact with my entire family and had been further isolated from my friends by my then-boyfriend. Plus, the company I worked for was showing signs of selling--my job was by no means secure, and especially not so because they had a history of firing pregnant women in my position exactly two months after their return from maternity leave.
The point was, I was desperate, and I was scared, and I didn't know that the father of my child was a monster, so I tried to make it work, thinking that my daughter, surely, needed a father figure. And for his part, he seemed remorseful. He promised to go to counseling and agreed to certain conditions and, again, said all of the right things.
And then he started drinking. And screaming. And demanding. And...threatening, and then doing.
But at that point, I was alone. I was halfway through a complicated pregnancy that made me incredibly ill with small town doctors who were gaslighting me and not helping me, the writing was on the wall at work and I was enduring slander and drama there, and I had no one and nowhere else to turn. So I pushed through. I tried to leave him when I was about 22 weeks along. I enlisted the help of my friend, who supported me, and I thought I was home free.
But that night was one of the most horrific nights of my life. The only person I've been able to tell about it was my lawyer, a year later, when I went in to make sure my daughter was protected. By the way, he's not in either of our lives at all and will never be. I have and will continue to do everything in my power to keep him away from us. Not that he could find us if he tried.
Things only got worse after that night. and at some point. I told a trusted friend and my mom (breaking no contact) that I intended to leave. Safely, and in time. I started freelancing again and looking for other jobs, and I played house the best I could to keep myself and baby safe. I ended up being ordered to go on bed rest two weeks early, And then I gave birth, and my daughter and I both almost died.
It was horrific, and traumatic, and sent me into a terrible spiral. It was all I could do to care for my daughter. But it became very quickly apparent that I was running out of time to get her out. And this is where the realization comes in.
His alcoholism and verbal and emotional abuse were increasing in frequency and intensity. He was also growing more violent--even if he was just punching holes in doors. But he was also...weird with our daughter. I did everything I could not to have to leave him alone with her, and she was only left with him twice.
Once, for an hour, because I had to go into work and handle something in the middle of the day. He left my 1mo infant daughter lying, asleep, on her belly, on a very high bed with loose blankets and pillows, alone in our apartment while he moved something from one apartment to another. I have no idea for how long.
I tried to breastfeed, at first, and there were issues with that so she was waking up often and hard to put back to sleep. We later found out she wasn't getting enough milk because of a tongue tie and started supplementing with formula at two weeks. I have heavy suspicions that I was also underproducing because of stress and emotional duress. One night, he was frustrated because even though I was sleeping in the living room and taking care of the baby while he slept in the bed, he couldn't sleep, and blamed me for being an incompetent mother. He took her from me, and put her to sleep with him in bed. I knew he was drunk. I went in to check on her--I was anxious, I had done tons of research on safe sleep. He saw me, screamed at me, and then blamed me for waking her up.
Later, he would try to put rice cereal in her bottle and make those "knockout bottles" that are incredibly dangerous when I wasn't looking. There were a number of weird incidents like this which he chalked up to being older than me, and being the way he'd raised his other two babies. And back then I really thought it was just all apart of the abuse--targeted at me.
We got out when she was five months old and today she's a sweet, happy, healthy kid.
But, and honestly maybe this should have occurred to me before, I can not shake the heaviness of the conclusion that remembering all of these incidents has brought me to; he wanted her to die. I mean, I guess in a roundabout way he expressed this. He started berating me for not getting an abortion almost immediately after I passed the legal time to get one done where I'm from (they're completely illegal now but were not at the time). I'm not anti-abortion, by any means, but it felt like it came out of nowhere. He also refused to have any part in naming her or preparing for her arrival--even in raising her. I always thought that these were just manipulation tactics. That he was just saying malicious things to get under my skin.
Now that I'm writing this, I also remember one of the last texts he sent to me over a year ago, alleging that he had shot and killed someone before. It wasn't an active threat to me. It was just part of a psychosis spiral where he was trying to explain that we could live safely with him in his new apartment even though it wasn't in a safe area or something, and so I really just discarded it. I didn't see him anymore. He didn't know where we lived. He was only allowed to contact me still because I was building a case against him. It didn't seem like it mattered.
Now? Today? I think that if I hadn't left with her when I did, we might both be dead already. More than that, I think that if I had not had her and I had ended up back with him--or back in another abusive relationship with anyone else--that I would certainly be dead. I might have been the one to physically take us both and leave, but she saved me first.
So that's it. That's what I've been struggling with. And I haven't really fully processed what that means for me, yet, except that I've made another appointment with my lawyer to take additional safety measures for my daughter. But emotionally? I'm not sure. I'll have to sit with this, and I just needed to say it somewhere. If you read all of this, thank you.
tldr; i left my ex when my daughter by him was 5 months old, and now she's nearly 3 years old and we are no contact with him, but i've recently been hit with memories of actions he took when she was an infant that lead me to believe he may have been subconsciously or even actively trying to take her life

Sorry this might be long and this is my 1 real post here. But basically my nephew we will call A (16M) has had a crappy hand felt to him over the last few years, and he now is just existing and not living. I have him in therapy, he refuses medication, he is a good size boy so I can’t really force him to do anything… he stands almost 6ft and over 200lbs, I am 5’3” and 165lbs… he is not fat by no means. But a big strong boy. Back story…. He was adopted at birth from my sister’s bff’s daughter. But was not told he was adopted until he was 13yo. He has known his birth mom and his bio family including 1/2 siblings his entire life. Then at 14 his Dad passed away suddenly, and then 16 months later his Mom died suddenly. She I his Aunt who he has never lived in the same state with got custody based on the parents wills. We have an ok relationship, considering we only have seen each other a few times a year, but I love him more than anything. I have been an empty nester for several years (my only child 38f). So after 2 months of figuring out how him & his 29M brother we will call him J could stay in his current state was determined it was not cost effective. J lives where I do many states away. So I packed him up and brought him home. J bought a house and A wanted to live with J and it is in the same city, so I agreed. While living with me he did not want to got to school fought him every morning, caused so much stress that my spouse was a jerk to him everyday. And A did nothing to help us, he did not do homework, slept played games, and argued about getting up and doing anything responsible, very disrespectful and absolutely shut down. I got him in Boxing as well to help him with a way to let out his aggression along with the counseling. But we are at our wits end. He is skipping school to the point today I called the SRO at school and had the officer come to his home to pick him up and take him, luckily by the time he got there he was up and in J’s car so J took him. He won’t pass his classes, doesn’t care if he fails, doesn’t care about getting a license, doesn’t care if we ground him take everything away he will just sleep. Won’t shower, change clothes. I am at a loss, J is ready to throw in the towel, I am not, he is too important to me to let him throw his life away. I know he has a lot going on and I know that until I came into the picture he was not allowed mental health because he mom thinks it is a weakness or a joke. But All I do is want to cry. I want to coddle him, but he is not the cuddly type and I cannnot reward his bad behavior.
HELP!!! Please Help!

My boyfriend used to live across the country a few years ago. It was there that he met his first girlfriend who he dated for a couple of years. He came back here (where he grew up) for a couple of months in 2021 and said that he realized he didn’t want to be without her. He told me he bought a ring to propose to her during this time. But before he could, she broke up with him and he later found out she cheated on him. Initially he told me they went no contact after they broke up and he never talked to her again.
When we first met, I felt so confident in his feelings for me. He didn’t have to even say anything. I just assumed he felt the same way as I did. He was like the person I’ve always been waiting for, after having been through some crappy relationships. I thought we were in the same boat. We both had some hesitation when we met, because of our pasts and i understood completely. He took me out on dates, we had fun together, we had great conversations. And a couple months in he invited me to his house with his mom for Christmas. That night, he told me he loved me, and he’d felt that way for a while. I had honestly never felt so loved by someone. I had never experienced the whole having butterflies in my stomach, feeling like a teenager again type of love. I thought that he was what id been waiting for my whole life. Not that things were perfect, there was some difficulty of course, when it came to our living situations. But everything else seemed great and it seemed like we were so compatible. I felt more attracted to him in every way than id felt with anyone from my past.
Then the more i started coming around, the more he’d talk about his ex. I never once asked about her. The only time i asked anything, was what he learned from the relationship. Because i felt so secure with him, nothing else mattered to me. But then he started to randomly tell me stories about memories he had with her. He’d tell me on dates, on our car rides, even once when we were laying in bed naked after sex he mentioned something about his old bed in his old apartment how it would sink in the middle because of him and his ex sleeping in it so much. Once he told me a very intimate detail about her. He told me about health problems she had. I started to feel like I knew her better than i knew him.
We had a huge fight about 5 months into dating. He was really stressed about living here, and i asked why he moved back. He said it was because his ex left him. And I’m not sure what it was about that moment, but it made everything click in me. Yes i’d seen the red flags, every time he brought her up before this i felt uncomfortable. I think i was just choosing to be blind to it. But when he said he’d only moved here because of her, i freaked out, and i haven’t been able to let it go since. It’s been a year since that conversation.
A few months after this conversation, i found out that they didn’t go no contact. I found out that they’d been hooking up on and off for like 7 months after they broke up. We had another huge fight because i didn’t understand why he’d lie about it. I will admit that i only found this out because I went through his messages and i broke a lot of our trust by doing that, which just made things even worse.
So now i feel absolutely no security being with him. I ask for reassurance and it’s never enough for me. Each time i bring it up, i just end up getting more hurt because he can’t say what I need to hear from him. And i don’t know if that’s because he just doesn’t feel that way, doesn’t know it’s what I need, or I’m just asking for too much from him. He tells me I’m gorgeous, that he wants me in his life, that I’m smart, funny, etc. It’s nice to hear, but not enough. I want to hear him say that he’s never felt this way before, that he’s never loved someone else as deeply as me. That meeting me made him realize I’m the person he’s been waiting for, the woman he’s always dreamed of spending his life with. I don’t think I’ll ever hear those things from him. If i bring it up that this is what I need, he will just say these things with a defensive tone and it won’t change anything. I just want it to be genuine, I want to know that he feels the same way I feel for him.
I’ve grown so much resentment towards him because of this. I’m not saying this is all his fault, I’m the one that keeps bringing up the past. I just don’t know how to keep going like this if I’m constantly questioning if I’m the second best option.

hi! my boyfriends mom is in her 70s and has dementia and i have been looking after her for a couple of months now. lately it's been a challenge for me and frustrating.. i want to get along better and watch shows and movies to make her happier. she likes a lot of nature documentaries like the octopus teacher and funny shows like the old addams family and game shows.

I hate 2020, 2021 , 2022, 2023 and 2024 because people treate and others like crap people ai scream and yell ate and others and people arguing and my mom used to argue withe I have enough of it .
I can't even find a job andy family can get jobs and I can't get one I applied everywhere they think I am lazy and don't want to work and they think I am not trying I am tired of hearing it all the time I do want to work the thing is stopping me is I have social anxiety. I hate these 4 years of my life everyone is treatinge horrible. I wish I was in a better family that who cares about me .
Nobody never invites me no where I am alone most of the time it stresses out people always excluded me.
Everything I do is not good enough people say I don't clean the house up when I do they complain about doing all the work I use to hear it fromy mom and every person I lived with say the same thing I hope I get to live alone for the rest of my life I can't do it anymore when people lived withe they don't clean up I take the blame for it when I live with people they say I don't clean up it's making me very mad 😡😡😡😡😡.

my sister had gotten in a car accident with her boyfriend because she snuck out with him one night and ended up in the hospital with a broken arm. It was traumatic for her, and my mom?maybe) Well my mom read her journal. while my sister was recovering on the couch with her broken arm, my mom told the entire family how it said my sister had lost her virginity at a party and when they came out people were cheering. I felt so bad for her. I know she was humiliated my mom said that. I have thought so many times about texting my sister who im NC with just to tell her that she didnt deserve for our mom to do that to her. That its not okay. She doesnt even know that our mom humiliating her like that was not normal.
I left my facebook logged in her laptop when i was 25 and she went through my messages on there too lol.
And she LOVED to read any message i ever sent to my sisters. Knowing full well one of them will defend her so she can say “stay out of it, dont do that, leave her alone” to seem as if shes not instigating. My mom always read our journals growing up. She didn’t believe in privacy for children. How do you guys feel about your children/parents and journals?

To clarify, she's not my(24f) little sister(14f), she's my boyfriend's little sister, but she's the closest thing to a sister I've ever had and I love her more than anything. This is her 4th attempt and she's in an inpatient program right now. She's gone through way more than I could ever think of, extreme bullying, fights, molestation, neglect from just about every adult in her family, and they are awaiting a child molestation trial for their father.
The problem that keeps arising is that she's feisty and hard headed and I think has bpd so she butts heads with family very often. We are an hour away and can't always go get her, so she isolates and spirals. I personally self harmed and attempted suicide a couple times for more self infected trauma so I can't totally relate to her but I'm trying. We've thought about asking her and their brother(16m) who's going down the same path about moving in with us as their mom has her own problems and is not helping but taking in two teens that have issues and refuse to listen is not something I think we're ready for.
On top of that, I'm holding in everything possible to not go off on their parents or grandparents. When I attempted and self harmed, my mom put me on full lock down, couldn't go anywhere unsupervised, do anything, pills kept away as well as all sharps, even had software to monitor whatever I typed into my computer or phone. These kids have not been in school for a year, are allowed to vape and smoke weed as they please, no medicine or sharps are locked away. They are left at home all day unsupervised, and can walk around town, where everyone gawks at them and bullies them. I know I'm not their mother and have no say but it completely infuriates me.
I mostly just don't know what to do anymore, we love her so much and she does too but no one is giving her the help she needs.

Hi everyone,
I’m graduating soon and my partner and I are thinking about getting married shortly after. We’ve been really excited about planning an elegant wedding in Italy, with only our closest family members invited. However, every time we bring it up to my mom, she insists on having a say in everything. She wants to invite all our relatives and complains about the wedding being too far away for everyone to attend. She argues that since she's planning to sponsor the wedding, she should have control over the guest list. We appreciate the offer to help with costs, but we really want to keep our wedding intimate and special, without it turning into a large family reunion. How can we navigate this situation respectfully and maintain our vision for the wedding? Any advice on how to set boundaries with my mom without causing too much conflict would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!

https://www.reddit.com/SipsTea/s/663vNtKq7W
Watch the above video, that's what I am looking for in a partner. No matter what, we laugh and enjoy the moment. I want a person who has similar style of humor and sees life with a lighter lens.
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