Tit punching bag

I'm so shocked how badly these people are getting scammed.
I went to this fitness studio with a woman I met off of Hinge and agreed to go with her to her Kickboxing gym. I look around and see a bunch of stand-up bags and whatnot, like okay cool.
What got me was that the instructors were people who were just flat out unqualified. I'm not even certain one of them was a certified personal trainer. Teaching students terrible techniques on throwing kicks and punches which would have someone end up injuring their knee, shoulder, hands, or just hyperextending something. Wrapping hands was optional. They argued against pivoting your feet and hips while throwing kicks or punches because, "it makes your balance bad." Instead, you're told to pivot AND THEN throw whatever it is you were throwing.
I didn't say anything about what I did before here, I mean it's their studio. I'm just here to spend time with my Hinge date. I tried to stay under the radar and danced a bit in front of the bag like everyone else. Then there's this big dude who tries teeing off on the kick shield while a wee little 90 lb woman is holding it. The instructors were quick to calm him down so I'll give them that.
What I found most appauling was that they charged these people $250/a month for them to only be allowed to come in 3 times a week for less than 45 minutes a session. I paid a lot less in Bangkok for 36 hours of training per week. Still a lot less here in the US for 18 hours total a week.
They make you use their own equipment, these re-branded $20 gloves that they're charging $45 for, plus you have to pay an equipment fee to cover any damage you do to their equipment.
Matter of fact, I've never been to a gym anywhere that didn't have a bag class, charged less than $200/month, and you can come as much as you want. You can always just state you don't want to learn fighting. They also didn't charge that ridiculous $50 annual equipment fee.
At the end of my free session, the owner came up to me and was straight up hustling me as hard as she could. I said no to buying a $35 water bottle but as I walked away she said, "we have a sale actually for 40% off." Then there's offering me a free month worth of training, if I signed up that day. She'd take $50 off my gym fees for five months, thus 1 free month.
So we're clear, I'm not making fun of people who go to these places, I'm just disgusted how badly a bunch of people that want to have fun and take care of themselves, are getting ripped.

I’m a neurodivergent person with autism
I struggle a lot with making social interactions, paying attention, involuntary tics, just to say a few examples. As such, making friends has always been a challenge to me growing up
It also didn’t help that other kids would often find me weird, and I was bullied most of my elementary school days for it. It thankfully didn’t go beyond snide comments
Even my own parents often lose their temper around me, calling me 'scatterbrained' and scolding me for never paying attention or making any social interaction with anyone. And the times I do socialize, then they scold me by saying 'out of place' comments that make them look bad
Add to the fact that I’m also asexual and my mom is a huge homophobe, it really doesn’t help me. I still don’t know how to come out to her
The X-Men inspired me. When I first saw the 90’s show, I thought: “Hey, these are a bunch of people who are different, like me, and people hate them, like me. And yet, they still fight for what they believe in, regardless of what everyone thinks of them"
And I thought, maybe, me being different wasn’t so bad
I tried to follow the X-Men’s example and began to slowly leave my shell and interact with other kids, forging perhaps not friendships, but definitely friendly relationships where I felt like I could be myself
I also joined group therapy with other kids with autism where we mutually help one another with people we feel can understand us like no other
I also try to see the positives of my autism and try to imagine it as if it was my very own mutant power. Because yeah, maybe I’m not the most attentive girl, but I definitely have a good reaction time and reflexes. Plus, I’m one of the smartest students in my class, and a very diligent and creative person
I have reached a point in my life where my autism no longer bothers me. I’m no longer ashamed of it because it is a part of me, and it’s always been
So, who cares if people call me weird? Who cares if my parents don’t like it when I’m not interacting the way they want?
I know in my heart that there will always be people who truly accept me for who I am, and that I refuse to allow the world to treat me like a punching bag or see me with pity for being different
I’m about to graduate college now, and every time things get particularly tough for me, I tell myself:
"I’m weird, I’m different, I’m a mutant…"
"…and I’m beautiful"

My whole life I've been monitored, every grade I get, every friend I talk to, my income, every step I take. I'm 20 and have the same freedom as most 8 year olds. In addition to this I'm constantly betrayed and belittled by my parents and siblings. I'm called "retarded asshole" "bitch" "fuck face" and other fun words and phrases on the daily. I don't see a way out anymore. There was this guy I dated a year or 2 ago and he wanted to help me out, but we broke up. When we dated my mom wouldn't let us go on actual dates so we'd just watch movies while my brother would watch us. My ex said it wasn't my fault and was because of how my family was but I can't help but think it was. He would hear the things they say to me and he was gonna help me escape but the things they said started getting to him and he started distancing himself and then broke it off. In addition to this I realized I'm part of the LGBTQ community and my family is strictly conservative so if they find out it will be yet another fuel to the fire. I just dont see a way out anymore. My bank account is monitored, my location is monitored, everything. I'm treated like a child. I dont want the freedom to do typical "dumb teen-young adult things" I just want the freedom to fucking breathe without being watched like a hawk. That day won't come though. She never sees me as something with emotions. I'm just an emotional punching bag, for her and my siblings. The only thing keeping me going was getting to live my own life and have a career but I'm not seeing a point in anything anymore. I have no friends because of her, I have no life because of her, everything I do is picked out by my mom. My fucking college major was picked out by her and I'm paying for it. I'm just done. She constantly makes me out to be a burden. She hates when im around her because she always says she can't breathe and that I fuck everything up by being near. I know she's just some middle aged bitch who should mean nothing to me but she's always hated me the most and idk why. I'm just done, done with her, with my siblings, with my job (who treats me like shit), done with school, and just overall done with existing. Even laying down all day seems like a chore. I can't bring myself to do anything else.

I was going to post this to nocontact, but honestly, that sub seems like it's overrun with people just trying to avoid (or stalk) their exes. So forgive me if this isn't necessarily mom related, but, I am a mom, and there is a kid involved. I don't know. I'm really scattered right now.
Long story short, about a week and a half ago I decided to go no contact with my brother. I have already been NC with our mother for my entire life after she abandoned us. My brother is a hard core narcissist and I let him emotionally manipulate and abuse me for 40 years, and I am just done enabling finally. I had him blocked on my phone and on social media.
Yesterday he called my husband's phone and left a message, going on and on about how his daughter (let's just call her Niece because she's my niece) had posted some social media messages about wanting to die. Niece is in her early 20s, and she had a child as a teen whom she was forced to give up for adoption by the state for reasons I don't want to get into. Well, yesterday was the kid's birthday, and I guess she didn't take it well.
So I love my niece and she is way more important to me than any feud with my brother, so, I unblocked him so I could get information from him. It sucks, because I DO NOT want to talk to him. He is always drunk. He's a super great guy when he's sober, but he's next-to-never sober.
I have my own family to take care of. I'm not trying to be this man's punching bag. But already he's texting me about how Niece and her mom are telling lies to try and turn everyone against him, blah blah, woe is me, kind of garbage. He has to make it about himself, always. I'm doing everything I can to not try and give him any advice, because he'll just get mad and bully me some more. But I also told him AND Niece's mom both that I'll relay information to my brother. I'm not doing this for my brother, I'm doing it so that neither Niece nor Niece's mom has to talk to him, because he makes it worse and I feel like they don't need to deal with his narcissism right now.
I guess I'm just interested in strategies here. It's easy to be NC with my mother, she lives on the other side of the country and never calls anyone. My brother, however, inserts himself into our lives every opening he has. I am NOT ready to have a conversation with him about what happened between the two of us last week because I just want to focus on Niece. I do want to go back to NC after all of this is over. But I fear that may not be possible.
Any thoughts, advice, relatable stories, or anything? I'm fully ready to be told I fucked up by unblocking his number, it's fine. Thank you!

I’m 16 years old, I didn’t have the worst childhood I guess, my dad was a junkie who couldn’t control his anger, in and out of jail and my mum had me young so she never really stopped being a teenager, just your average nz lifestyle yk, I’m the middle child so I’ve always thought of myself as the black sheep, my older sisters the high achiever, good at everything, and my youngest sister is my mums baby, her darling. My mums always refused to see it but I think deep down she knows. She was a single mum with 3 jobs so I always tried to go easy on her, and help her out, and understand where she was coming from when she got mad but she continuesly used me as her punching bag, a few years ago, when I was about 12 I think, things started getting bad with my mum, she was always angry at me, she’d find any reason to scream at me and I couldn’t take it so I started cutting myself, stupid reason I know but I was young and stupid, and now that I think of it, when my mum called me an attention seeker, she was right, I started smoking weed and getting in trouble, stealing cars, stealing meat and selling it to drug dealers, stealing clothes because my mum could only seem to afford things for my sisters and herself, running away from home standing people over for there things, I was just a small skinny pale skin girl that was always getting picked on, I wanted people to fear me, and it worked, I wanted to be around people that where like me, that had been through the things I’d been through, people I could fit in with that would be there for me like a family should, instead I got mixed in with people who saw how easily I could be manipulated and they used me, they got me hooked on dope then fucked me over. After all that I was alone, so alone, I started smoking a lot and never left my house, I’d get so angry all the time like I’d be okay one minute then completely loose it, it was like my mind just got so filled with anger that I couldn’t control what I did. I would bash my mum.. I can’t believe I’m admitting to this but my mum would argue with me and provoke me in ways I can’t seem to describe and I tried to handle it and stop myself from touching her but FUCK!!.
I started changing, I got so depressed, I just wanted to smoke all my feelings away and the anger just stopped, I just stopped caring about everything, I stopped being around people and I completely lost myself, I stopped taking care of myself and I started to feel incapable of love, of happiness, recently I’ve been feeling sick, things have been bad at home and I’ve been so stressed out, my body’s been reacting badly to weed, when I smoke my body tightens, my heart pounds and the more I think about it the worse it gets, my left arm goes numb and I forget how to breathe, my mum says I’m just having a panic attack but it feels different, like it’s so scary and it hurts my chest but I don’t know if I’m overreacting, I know I need to quit but it’s so hard, my mums partner is always smoking in the house and no matter how much I tell them I’m tryna quit they keep offering me cones, and when I’m sober my head is so full of thoughts and all the feelings I tried to smoke away comes rushing back and holy shit I can’t take it anymore, I can’t do this shit on my own anymore and holy fuck I am ALWAYS alone.

Barely standing and gasping for air, Nathan takes a moment to stop running and realizes he has no idea where he is going. He begins looking around to see if there’s anywhere to hide or even, hopefully, find food or at least water. After a moment, he finally spots a few buildings in the nearby distance. With high hopes, Nathan sprints past the remaining trees ahead and makes it to the buildings. Only one specific building catches his eye. A large sign that reads GROCERY stares at Nathan from the top of the building. Without hesitation, he rushes inside and much to his amazement, there are aisles! Nathan quickly but quietly scans each aisle. Sadly, he sees nothing. Not until he sees a small pile of snacks lying next to a fallen end cap at the end of an aisle. Excitement dances through Nathan’s body as he runs to the food and begins eating it like a wild animal. He devours every ounce of food he finds until he suddenly hears an unnerving sound. Listening closely as possible, Nathan hears the sound of cracking bones and ripping flesh. Afraid, yet curious, he looks around the corner of the aisle and spots the legs of a woman lying in her own blood and entrails. Upon further inspection, Nathan sees what he believes to be the creature he and Charlie had seen before. It’s a large thin four-legged animal that most likely was a wolf at one point but is now just a beast. It’s feasting on the entrails of the woman’s corpse and refusing to take its taste buds away from its food. That is until it hears Nathan, who accidentally steps on a bag of chips. It swiftly averts its attention to Nathan and the sight of its face is terrifying. Its face is half torn and its eyes show exactly how bloodthirsty it is. With blood and entrails dangling from its teeth, the beast fully turns its body to Nathan and lets out a deep and disturbing growl. Believing this to be his final moments alive, Nathan backs up and stumbles into the wall with his eyes closed and fists clenched. He is ready for the reaper to take his soul. The beast closes in on him and readies itself to charge its prey but is suddenly distracted by the voice of unwanted company. “Heel, you stupid mutt!” It’s once again Subject Zero, who is this time covered in large amounts of blood. The beast diverts its attention to Subject Zero and prepares for a fight. Unsure as to why Subject Zero didn’t just let the beast kill him, Nathan, stands and stares in terrified confusion. As Nathan watches, Subject Zero is attacked by the beast after a failed attempt at taming it. Directly after its attack, the beast is grabbed and bashed against a wall then thrown to the floor. The animal, no longer looking like a beast compared to Subject Zero, stands again and viciously sinks its teeth into Subject Zero’s arm but its life is soon ended. With a large and swift pull on the animal’s rear legs with its teeth still bore into Subject Zero’s arm, its body rips apart and its entrails fall out onto the floor. “I knew you were a waste,” Subject Zero says with disappointment in his voice. Nathan quickly snaps back to reality and runs out the nearby emergency exit. No longer caring about hunger or thirst, he just keeps running and doesn’t stop even when he stumbles from exhaustion. Inevitably, any hope he once had, is lost when in the not so far distance he hears, “Just because the mutt didn’t kill you, that doesn’t mean that I won’t!” Still running further into the woods, Nathan begins to stumble. He finally stops and falls to his knees as he begins to believe he is going to die here. He falls onto his back and lies in the grass around him while releasing a long but relaxing sigh. Nathan can feel the cold hard ground beneath him as he looks up to the sky. Filled with raging guilt and regrets, Nathan stares up to the sky in silence. It gets so silent, he can hear everything around him. He hears the wind sing through the leaves of trees. He can even hear water flowing nearby. Water! Unsure of where, he looks up quickly and listens. Finally, he spots a creek nearby and climbs to his hands and knees. Unable to fully stand, Nathan crawls his way to the creek ignoring all of his surroundings. He reaches the creek and practically bathes himself in the near freezing water in an attempt to feel refreshed. Afterwards, he begins to guzzle the water in handfuls. After many handfuls of water, Nathan notices something odd. The water tastes metallic as if you were sucking on an old copper penny or silver spoon. Upon this realization, he also notices the color of the water seems off. Unsure of why, he looks around only to find something far more disturbing than he imagined. An amalgamation of mutilated corpses sit nearby rotting on the rocks of the creek shore. Realizing he had just drank water contaminated with rotting corpses of innocent people, Nathan starts getting a sick feeling in his stomach and attempts to look away but can’t get his eyes off the sight. Finally breaking, he begins gagging vigorously. He loses control and starts puking uncontrollably before ultimately collapsing from pain and disgust. Nathan finally gets up after lying on the ground for a moment. Hoping to find at least some form of shelter, he manages to get himself up to his aching feet and stumbles his way down the creek. Eventually, he reaches the end of the creek where a large pipe is sticking out from the ground at an angle. The pipe, being large enough to fit a man, seems like a perfect place to shelter in. Before fully deciding to sleep there, Nathan looks inside hoping that it may lead to an exit from the dome but is quickly disappointed when he sees only dirt and mud. Nathan no longer cares and decides to climb into the pipe. He manages to make it an adequate resting area. Soon after, he is unable to keep his eyes open and finally falls asleep. “Nathan, wake up. You’re going on live television.” A very familiar voice whispers to Nathan. He opens his eyes expecting to see different surroundings, but instead, he sees Charlie sitting next to him in an unfamiliar building. Obviously confused, Nathan hesitates to even move but decides to go with it. He’s led out to a room with a male interviewer, revealing that he is on a live television interview. The interviewer looks to the camera and says, “Welcome to TalkTime, I’m your host, Tim Wiesly, and today, we have Nathan White. Just in case you don’t know, Nathan is a brilliant reporter and reports anything in the most brilliant ways. One specific story he covered about his near-death experience is what we would like to talk about today. So, Nathan, could you tell the viewers more about your experience?” Nathan hesitates at first but oddly starts believing that he made it out of the hell he was in and just dissociated. He starts telling the interviewer everything that happened to him. “Well, Tim, for starters, my colleague and I had found evidence that Envirodome was a test facility. Little did we know, one test they ran there was still in the facility after decades. We then found all the missing people over the years but they were unfortunate and passed away at the hands of the facilities test subject. I eventually lost my colleague and had a run in with a rabid animal as well but I got away and managed to find a place to sleep. After that, I climbed out and decided to… to…” Nathan stops in his tracks as he realizes he can’t remember what happened after the tunnel. “Wait. Wait, this can’t be real. I vividly remember Charlie going insane. And all those other people started losing their minds and they all started killing each other. I remember all that, yet I can’t remember a damn thing after falling asleep in that tunnel! What the fuck is going on?” Charlie comes running out and attempts to calm Nathan but fails as Nathan screams back. “You’re dead! You’re fucking dead! I know you are! You aren’t real. None of you, none of this! None of it is real!” Soon after realizing everything is fake, all of Nathan’s surroundings start changing. Everything around him becomes morbidly dark and people become mutated corpses, all of which walk over to him. They all start screaming at Nathan, resulting in him breaking and he loses his mind to the brink of insanity. Out of the dark shadows, Subject Zero walks into the area as if he were a dark god who created him and was ready to destroy him. Suddenly, everyone surrounding Nathan abruptly stops screaming and looks at him. Then they all in perfect sync say, “You’re losing control, Nathan.” Nathan angrily stands tall and yells, “Leave me alone!” After this fierce scream with his eyes shut, Nathan suddenly hears nothing but the sound of running water. He opens his eyes only to find he was still in the town under the dome. Only, now, it is somehow nighttime. Suddenly, he’s startled by the sound of splashing water. Nathan quietly looks up from the inside of the tunnel he’s lying in. In a decent distance away, Nathan sees two mannequins throwing multiple bodies into the already corpse-filled creek. Although, one body stands out amongst the rest. Charlie's. His body is mangled and mutilated. Nathan feels sick and guilty as he stares at his dead friend. Soon, Subject Zero’s voice is heard, resulting in Nathan realizing he needs to sneak out of the area. He quickly climbs out of the tunnel and looks around. He decides his best option is to go in one direction until he hopefully reaches an edge of the dome. He believes it may help him reach the overseer’s office where the self-destruct button is. With his new plan, Nathan quietly sneaks away until he accidentally rams into the edge of the dome. He becomes angry at first for being dumb enough to run into it, but eventually realizes he could be on his way to salvation. Nathan, still tired, stumbles around the edge of the dome and looks strange considering the walls are simulated to look like more land. Even though Nathan can barely handle all the stress, he still forces himself to keep moving with high hopes to avenge his deceased friend. He keeps going until he stumbles over a small brush pile. He falls onto his face and notices blood pouring from his nose. Assuming his nose has broken from the fall, Nathan quickly checks it but oddly there is no pain and the bleeding has already stopped. He’s confused but doesn’t care as he’s determined to escape. He gets up and eventually reaches an odd looking spot of the dome wall. With a closer look, he realizes it’s a door. Full of hope, Nathan quickly opens it and discovers a staircase leading to the overseer’s office. Nathan runs up without hesitation. He reaches the top of the stairs and makes it to the controls. Being dark, Nathan feels around for a light switch but as he thinks it, the lights come on. Now with light, he sees papers lying everywhere, all with information of the dome. Apparently, the government had the technology to make all this without ever letting the public know. It was built with a self-destruct button as safety measures if anything within the dome went horribly wrong. Although Nathan thought it would be an explosion as most self-destruct buttons cause, the dome was made to disassemble itself as it counted down, allowing the slight possibility of reaching the only entrance and exit doors of the facility. Nathan realizes he may actually have a chance to escape this hell and avenge his friend. After a small pause, he gets back to searching for the self-destruct button. He stumbles across a glass casing labeled ‘FOR EMERGENCIES ONLY’. Nathan opens the casing and prepares to press the button but is quickly distracted as a voice breaks the silence. “This place hasn’t been real after all these damned years?” Subject Zero reacts angrily as he slowly walks toward Nathan. “I knew this place seemed a bit small, but now that I know I can get out of here, I’ll bring my tests to the whole damn world!” “Why would you even want that?! Every single test you have done with that fucking serum has been a failure!” “No… No, I’ve perfected my serum.” “What the FUCK do you mean?” Without a single other word, Subject Zero rushes toward Nathan. Nathan quickly reacts and raises his arms in defense. Suddenly, Subject Zero flies backwards as if he was shoved with incredible force. They both now know Nathan was the cause. “That. That is what I mean.” Subject Zero says with a grin on his face. “No, no, what the fuck. How?!” “You really think I didn’t take the opportunity to inject a new version of the serum into you.” “But- but there wasn’t an injection hole. Everyone else had one.” “That’s the great thing about it. I perfected it so much that your healing is far greater than even mine AND you didn’t lose your mind like I did. That’s all I ever wanted…” “Screw you…” Nathan clenches his fist and swings a punch at Subject Zero. Realizing things move just from his thought now, Nathan opens his hand and telekinetically throws things at Subject Zero. The two begin to have an all-out super powered brawl as Subject Zero explains to Nathan that the serum is why every pain he’s felt while in the dome went away nearly immediately. The telekinesis just happened to come into play later on. Then suddenly, Nathan is slammed through and out the overseer’s office windows. Subject Zero jumps down onto him. Nathan gets weaker with each hit he takes but still fights on. Before he gets up, he notices that where the broken window is, the walls show their true colors of concrete gray and glass. Aside from the window, Nathan notices the door to the office is still wide open. He quickly gives Subject Zero a powerful kick to his abdomen and jumps up to run. Nathan runs quickly up the stairs and to the self-destruct button after leaving his enemy on the ground outside. As he reaches the button, Nathan looks out the broken window at Subject Zero and prepares to press the button. Nathan slams his hand onto the button as Subject Zero yells out in hatred. Nathan, expecting something to happen, waits. Subject Zero laughs hysterically but then suddenly is cut off by a loud voice projecting across the whole dome. “COMMENCING SELF-DESTRUCTION SEQUENCE.” Nathan notices Subject Zero is distracted and uses this as his chance to escape. 10, 9, 8…… The countdown begins and the sun begins to rise as Nathan runs out of the office and past the unaware Subject Zero. 7, 6, 5…… The countdown continues and the facility begins to collapse as Nathan passes through the woods where he drank from the creek and soon passes the concrete room where the other people were held captive. 4, 3, 2…… The countdown gets closer to an end as the dome collapses quicker and Nathan rushes past the old house he was stuck in before. Soon enough, he gets onto the road that led him and Charlie to the town inside the dome and gets even closer to the door but suddenly Subject Zero is following behind. This time, he’s so angry and determined, Subject Zero uses his telekinetic powers to control the mangled corpses that he’s kept. He’s headed for either the door or Nathan, but Nathan doesn’t care. 1…… The countdown comes to an end and the entire dome collapses above. Subject Zero, far behind with his army of corpses, stops and accepts what is coming but Nathan keeps running in hopes to escape before the weight of a million tons comes crashing down onto him. Soon enough, the dome becomes nothing but rubble. The entire area where the dome once stood, is now a ginormous pile of rubble and all that stands are a few trees and small bits of buildings. Nothing could have lived from inside. Unless you were close to the doors. Nathan, barely standing or even really alive, stumbles around the rubble. With his new powers, he uses his telekinesis to move a large piece of steel revealing a small group of men nearby. Within this group are a couple of men who are clearly scientists of some sort but the others are clearly military. Nathan runs to them with hopes of help but suddenly… “Stop right there!” One of the men yells out angrily but with a quiver in his voice. “Put your heads above your head and don’t speak!” “Wait! I just need help!” “I said put your hands above your head!” Nathan is confused so he looks around in the hopes that maybe Subject Zero is who he spotted. Sadly, the guns are all being aimed straight for him.

One of the most difficult talks to sit through this weekend and I had to physically bite my tongue for almost the entire 30 minutes or so he was talking.
The first part was your standard "worldly people bad, JWs good" stuff. He had the gall to talk about there being a loneliness epidemic, which I do believe in, yet the org kneecaps people's social skills— kids especially— and are infamous for their shunning.
Then the kicker:
Sex talk. Yay!
Exploring your sexuality before marriage is like someone giving you a gift in the car and telling you not to open it until you get home, and then you open it beforehand. Well if opening the gift before getting home was that big of a deal the person could just show up at your door and give it to you then? Also how are these desires a "gift" if you're shamed for it for the first chunk of your life during your formative years?
The speaker also brought up a quote from the Young People Ask book, in which someone brought up the question of "Why would God allow sexual desires to manifest from your early teens onward if you're expected to ignore and shun them until you're married?"
Good question. The speaker said sexual desires were no different from being hungry, tired, or angry. Dwelling on anything sexual before marriage is just like always punching someone just because you're angry.
Oh boy... That is a false equivalence if I've ever seen one.
Being horny is not 1:1 comparable to being hungry or angry. If you're hungry, you can eat something— anything you want. If you're angry, you can work out and channel your frustration into the exercises. You can hit a punching bag, you can vent to a friend (unless it's about the org, then you're shit outta luck), you can keep a journal or diary and rant through that.
The sexual equivalent of those aforementioned activities would be watching porn, masturbaing, or reading something erotic, if you're into that. ALL of those activities are forbidden by the org and that is what makes sexual desires different from those other two: you're allowed to take it upon yourself to satisfy any other cravings you have except for sex or intimacy.
But of course, JWs react to logic and reasoning about the same way a vampire would to garlic sauce. They either shut down or frantically start making excuses. In this case the speaker said either talk to a spiritually mature brother or sister (ie give them more gossip material), or just pray it away. Can't do that? Well siddown, shuddup, and deal with it. Maybe God will fix things in paradise.
And worse yet, this is probably going to be my reality. I graduated college almost two years ago. Still no job. Nobody's really looking to hire entry level fresh grads. Since a lot of senior level people got laid off some time ago I've had to compete with them, meaning employers can afford to ask for 5 years of experience for entry level roles.
I've had a hard time making peace with the fact that this will probably be as good as my life gets. Stuck with my parents, in a religion I don't even believe anymore, forced to put on an act at least once or twice a week for my "friends." No upward mobility career-wise for the foreseeable future, and I don't make nearly enough to move out.
What fun...

I always become super depressed on holiday and birthdays in my family (including my birthday). I always want to lock myself away in my room.
On the outside to others my family was always seen as the stereotypical dream family. I’d constantly get kids in high school tell me I had no idea what it was like to have a “bad” family or struggles.
Lol…well my parents were abusive physically as a child to me and neglectful. Throughout my life to this very day I have been degraded by them. Heck my sister just called me to basically put me down a few days ago then played victim after I lashed back. She texted sorry later, but honestly I do not forgive her. They all do this way too much to me and it was established early on in our childhood I was the emotional punching bag.
Holidays and birthdays are just so dreary and I feel extremely cold and lonely even more so than normal. Today we are celebrating several people’s birthdays and I am struggling just to get myself down there. I just want out of here. I feel like they are strangers…they do not feel like a family at all.
I feel like a foreigner in my own family…

Looking to sell some games. Free local pickup in 94530, or the cheapest option in Pirateship.
My goal is to clear shelf space, so any offers are welcome. Offers which clear the most space take priority. (It's not first-come, first-served. It's whatever clears the most shelf space. As such, I may take up to a day to reply.) I try to reply to every message but often times if an item is tied up in a large potential trade I may take a longer time to respond.
I ship in boxes with lots of protection/bubble wrap. Feel free to make offers, especially if buying more than one game. I will (probably) match any price on this subreddit. If you have any of the games I want, I'm happy to trade in your favor to get some of these off my shelf.
Condition Guide:
[4] - Played but excellent condition, usually sleeved since Day 1 (but always ask if that's important to you) [4.5] - Opened but not played. Sometimes punched, sometimes not. [5] - New in shrink.
[Have]

• Atlantis Rising + Deluxe Components [4] - $60
• Ancient Terrible Things Reawakened [4] - $35
• Android Mainframe [4] - $15
• Beast KS All In [5] - $80
• BattleCon: Trials of Indines [5] - $20
• Catacombs 3rd Edition [5] - $50
• Cthulu Wars Duel [5] - $20
• Dale of Merchants Full Set (1+2+3+Collectors, Fully Sleeved) [4] - $100
• Dice Realms - $50
• The Emerald Flame [5] - $50
• Evacuation [5] - $40
• First Empires [4] - $15
• Gamecrafter Collection [4] - $215
  • Doom Machine [4.5]
  • Tin Helm [5]
  • Gate [4.5] + Gates [5]
  • Dustrunner [4.5]
  • Desolate [4.5] + Insurgence [5] + Dark Matters 1 & 2 [both 5]
• Harrow County [5] - $45
• He-Man Clash for Eternia [5] - $70
• Majesty For The Realm [4] - $20
• Maglev Metro [4.5] + Maps Vol. 1 [5] - $90
• Mystic Vale Definitive Edition [5] - $50
• Khora [5] - $30
• Quadropolis [4] - $20
• Revive [5] - $55
• Rising 5 [4] - $15
• Sobek [4] - $15
• Skate Summer [4] - $25
• Spellbook [4.5] - $25 (No sleeves)
• Sol: Last Days of a Star with wooden insert [5] - $90
• Threads of Fate [5] - $50
• Tiny Towns [4] with BGG cloth bags - $22
• Turing Machine [5] - $25
• Twisty Tracks [5] - $15
• Unmatched: both Jurassic Parks [5] - $35
• Wreckland Run [5] - $20
• Welcome to the Moon [4] - $30

Free with purchase (or $10+s/h if purchased alone). Note you will have to pay any increased shipping costs due to more weight or larger box:

• The Crew: Mission Deep Sea [5]
• Critters at War: Flies Lies and Supplies [4]
• Marvel Remix [4]
• Masquerade (old version) [4]
• Pandemic hot Zone [5]
• Secrets [4]
• Sea Salt & Paper [5]
• Lost Cities [4]

[Wants] Willing to trade heavily in your favor if shipping permits:

• Paypal
• Let's go to Japan KS
• Apiary
• Bloodstones
• Death Valley & Seasons of Rice Buttonshy Games
• Pandemic The Cure - Trade your 2nd Edition+ character cards for my 1st edition badge-shaped ones
• Canvas and Expansions (KS preferred, want at least reflections)
• Kids games for approx age 5
• Retroid Pocket 4 Pro
• Robinson Crusoe 2e or later

Has anyone experienced the doom that is office banter?
I work in a big office but typically stick to my small team. We get on well but recently I feel like I've been the target of jokes about myself and my older colleague male , and the jokes are about how we're "close"
There's been a few instances now and it's making me increasingly uncomfortable and I have no idea how to manage it.
The man is literally almost 3 x my age and there is nothing flirtatious or even remotely anything, we're literally just pals and im friendly like i am to everyone, but they've started making jokes and it's making me really really uncomfortable.
I think I've crossed the threshold now where I'm the office punching bag with this a little bit and I have no idea how to recover... I feel like the past few days I've been stuck ruminating thinking how I need to hit back with a witty response but one of the guys who does it is my seniohigher up and if I offend his fragile ego I know ill be straight up bullied out of the job. Also I don't want to enter this shitty back and forth nonsense and I know I'll loose in the end because I'm just not a shit person who makes jokes at other people's expense.
Has this job come to it's end? Ugh sigh, that's so annoying. I've only been there a year and a half. It feels like i always end up being the joke in the workplace because I can't navigate the social nonsense and banter and asskissing and fakery
:(
,

TW: possible DV
I need to know if separation is necessary. I dont want to break up my family, but yesterday was unexpected and terrible and I need opinions on if I need to get out or if this can be worked on. My husband hasn’t ever acted out this way and I’m honestly not feeling safe for myself or our son.
My partner and I had a kids birthday party at a pool to go to with our 2 yr old son. We went. My son is suspected ASD and was having a melt down when we were leaving the pool because he wanted to stay. Son was screaming and crying on our way home. husband started to freak out on son and screaming at him to stop crying. He told me “he’s so lucky you won’t let me beat him” I said “physical violence wouldn’t solve this problem “ he said “but it would definitely help me feel better” husband then punched my passenger side window and shattered it. He got out of the car and said he was walking home. When my son and I got back to our house husband was packing a bag. He got in his truck and left without a word. I was so worried about him I messaged his sister (who lives a few blocks away) and gave her the low down and told her if she sees him to let me know he’s safe.
She said she found him and to just give him space. So I did. Husband came home 3 hours later, drunk and very angry. He got in my face while I was holding son. He told me “get out of my f*cking house right now, you know you shouldn’t get my family involved” son started to cry and we left immediately. On our way out I saw husband had punched a hole in our bedroom door and the siding had fallen off. As I was pulling out of the driveway I saw husband taking all of my clothes and throwing them outside… it was also raining.
We went to sister in laws house. She gave us the guest room and let us hangout while she talked to husband. About 4 hours go by and sister tells me that I’m safe to go home, just not to go into our bedroom and give husband lots of space. I was just happy to give my son his normal room and routine. We got home. My clothes were taken back inside but were in a huge wet pile in the dining room, my Nintendo switch was also laying on the floor completely smashed, a Mother’s Day gift from husband was also smashed in this huge pile. I found all of son’s toys in the trash too.
Husband is still asleep now and I’m up with son enjoying the quiet.
Is this reason for divorce??? Idk where I would go or live or even work. I’m so confused but I don’t want son staying in this kind of environment. Please help me.

[INDEX]
Blackheart Bill stared at us from the porch of the tiny cabin, his eyes filled with murder. A cruel smile crept across his face, causing me to break into a sweat — this was a man who enjoyed the suffering of others.
“Well, well. If it isn’t the two bounty hunters that killed half my gang,” Bill drawled, his voice dripping malice. “What do ya think we should do with them, boys?”
“Face me like a man,” I shouted at him. “I refuse to be hung like a criminal!”
Bill’s lips twisted into a grin. “Is that so?” He said. “You think I had you brought here so you can challenge me to a duel? You’re mistaken kid.”
“I don’t want to be hung,” I said, mentally instructing Horse edge closer to Silas’ mount.
“What you want and what I want are different things, boy,” Bill said, his face relaxing into an unreadable mask. “And what I want is for you to suffer for killing my men. Jim, get a rope.”
Gap-tooth laughed like a drunken donkey and swung down from his horse.
I brushed against Silas, pulling his gun from my Inventory. Silas was fast, insanely fast. The gun appeared in my hand for a split-second before Silas had it pointed at the outlaw and was firing sizzling black bolts of energy.
Blackheart Bill was faster.
The outlaw dodged to the side in a blur, firing off three wild Kinetic bolts, one passing on each side of Silas before the final one tagged the man in the chest with the sound of shattering glass.
I pulled my gun from inventory a moment later, regretting my decision to load it with Lightning rounds as I pulled the trigger. Thunder roared as I shot the bandit behind me, then I squeezed the trigger again, clipping the other with a finger-thick bolt of electricity. Stone bullets whizzed around me as Horse hightailed it around the corner of the shack. Triggering [Aimed Shot] I fired a third round and a clap of thunder fried the man guarding the wood door set into the canyon wall.
Silas rounded the building a second later, his gun firing wildly at the remaining bandits. Quick as a flash, he ejected the spent brass and reloaded from his gun belt, picking off two more as they rounded the corner.
A Metal bullet burst from the wood next to my face, grazing my temple. I shoved my Mongoose into a gap between the weathered boards and fired off the remainder of my Lightning rounds, setting the front of the shack on fire. My fingers flickered as I reloaded unprimed rounds into the gun, slamming the cylinder closed.
Silas took one edge of the cabin and I took the other, shooting at anyone who moved, trapped in a standoff with the remaining five bandits and Bill, who continued shooting through the walls at us while screaming obscenities.
“Told you I didn’t want to hang, you scar-faced freak,” I taunted the man, firing a shot at one of the bandits scurrying to find better cover behind a broken wagon missing its rear axle. The Kinetic Bolt spread as it covered the distance, growing from a finger-sized bolt of blue energy into a basketball sized cloud that dispersed with a crackle and pop. Somewhere in the back of my head I knew the range was only about twenty yards and chastised myself for wasting the bullet.
I had less than 550BP remaining, which was a lot for unprimed shots, but only 54 [Aimed Shots] or about 100 primed shots. If I needed to use any of my other Utilities, it would drop fast. The bandit I had missed popped off a shot from his new vantage point, punching a hole in the wall above my head. I sent a Stone bullet in reply, causing him to duck from sight.
\Ding**
A popup blocked the lower half of my vision.
-=-=-
📱 [New Power-Up Available!] 📱
🔫 Pinned down behind an old shack? Bullets not packing enough punch? Try [Overcharge]! 🔫
💥 Just 500 credits, Limited time only! 💥
🌟 Features Include: - [Overcharge] Utility**: Infuse your bullets with extra battery points and surprise everyone! - Costs 500 credits - Requires 82 Memory
⚠️ Important Notes: - Cannot be stacked with active Utilities - Overcharge can severely damage firearms
[Get Overcharge Now ✅] [Maybe Later ❌]
-=-=-
The 60 second timer counted down 2 seconds before I punched accept.
[Downloading…20%…32%…68%…87%…Done!] [Installing…8%…12%…49%…52%…91%…Done!]
“You get shot?” Silas asked, sparing me a glance while I was stuck waiting for my upgrade to finish.
I shook my head. “Psychic thing,” I said once the System was done shoving data in my head. The knowledge of how to use [Overcharge], was simple enough — just push extra BP through the runestone and increase the destructive power of the bullet.
I triggered [Overcharge] and pushed an extra 5 Battery Points into the runestone, bringing the total cost of the Stone bullet to 6BP, then squeezed the trigger. The projectile impacted the broken wagon like a grenade, sending fragments of wood flying everywhere.
The screaming started a second later, followed by the bandit whose face was covered in blood and splinters. Selecting [Aimed Shot] I put a Stone bullet into his head, shocked by the spray of gore that filled the air. Hot bile burned the back of my throat, forcing me to swallow hard and refocus on the immediate situation.
The sound of hooves reached my ears, followed by Silas swearing. “They’re escaping,” He said, turning to mount his horse and swearing again. The animal was trembling in shock, bloody froth covering its mouth as it struggled to breathe. I noticed the blood covering its side then, where it had been shot when we had retreated behind the shack.
The shack was now burning quite impressively. The flames had grown to the point that it was uncomfortable to remain close, so I moved to a cooler spot and took a seat on the sandy ground. Pulling the Marlin from inventory, I popped off the leather caps that protected the scope lenses and took aim at the fleeing bandits. The scope pulled them in close enough that I felt I could reach out and snatch them with my hand even though they were over a hundred yards away now.
Bracing the rifle on my knee, I sighted through the scope and pulled the trigger, worked the lever to eject the shell and fired again. On the fourth shot I watched as Blackheart Bill’s horse stumbled and dropped to the dirt. I was aiming at Bill, but taking out his horse was good enough.
I watched as Bill took cover behind his downed horse and yelled at his men to come back and get him. They didn’t even look back, hunkering down as he started shooting at them, hitting one and dropping him from the saddle. Taking aim through the scope, I shot a few more rounds at Bill, causing him to turn his attention back to me and return fire.
A gunshot from behind me caused me to jump. Turning to see the source of the gunfire I saw Silas standing over the body of his horse. I guess he decided to end its misery.
Holstering his weapon, Silas yelled at the outlaw. “It’s over, Bill! Throw down your guns!”
Bill fired off another few rounds, none of them even coming close. A gunslinger like Bill might be deadly at close range, but he was just as accurate with a pistol as everyone else at a hundred yards.
I fired off a Metal slug from the Marlin and Bill returned fire. Our standoff continued, none of us wanting to commit to a move.
“How far you think that is?” I asked Silas.
“About a hundred ten, hundred twenty yards. Why?”
“Long as I’m here I might as well try to zero in this scope,” I replied, sighting down the barrel while adjusting the stupidly expensive piece of equipment.
“It’s a nice scope,” Silas admitted, rolling a cigarette. “You’re only as good as your gun.”
I nodded, fired off another shot, adjusted the scope, then fired off another. Until I got this thing in a vise and did it properly, this was as good as I was going to get.
The top of Bill’s hat was just visible over the ribs of the dead animal, so I used [Aimed Shot] and fired, eliciting a string of curses from the outlaw as it was knocked from his head.
I grinned at Silas, who returned it with a smile of his own. “You think this is gonna take long?” I asked.
“Put a few of those explosive rounds into that horse. That should get ‘em moving,” Silas answered.
“That was an [Overcharged] stone bullet,” I said. “Not sure it’ll have the same effect with a Metal slug.”
Silas nodded his head. “Be careful you don’t Overcharge too much, you can damage the core of your gun or even cause it to explode,” he said.
I sighted down the scope and triggered [Overcharge] with 5BP, sending another five Metal slugs downrange just as quick as I could work the lever-action. The slugs tore through the carcass, kicking up little puffs of dust as they tore into the ground beyond it.
Bills hat began to wave over the remains of the horse, then it dropped from sight.
“Let’s give him a few minutes,” Silas suggested. “If he’s playing games, he’ll lose patience. No sense endangering ourselves if he decides to pop up and start firing.”
I shot a few more [Overcharged] Metal slugs into the carcass, the last one causing the hat to fall out of Bills hand. Through the scope I could see his limp arm draped over the side of the horse.
Pushing the Marlin back into Inventory, I rose from the ground and looked at Silas. “You take the left and I’ll take the right?” I offered.
Silas loosened his pistol in its holster and began walking.
“Is it always like this?” I asked the bounty hunter.
“Like what?”
“So…messy.”
Silas tossed the remains of his cigarette onto the ground. “This was pretty bad,” He admitted. “Most times it’s just some guy in a small town saloon or holed up in a shack somewhere in the woods. Someone who thinks moving a few towns away will cover their tracks. Some even try to start their lives over. Bill was a two gold bounty, someone a posse would chase down, not two men.”
“So why did we go after him?”
“Because I thought he was in the Hardash forest, not running roughshod over the patriarch of Silvertown,” Silas laughed suddenly, shaking his head. “The plan was to locate his hideout, collect a few more men to handle his gang, and ambush them.”
We eased around the bullet-ridden horse to discover Blackheart Bill bleeding out. One of my bullets had gone through the horse, through his back and exited his chest. He gave us a bloody grin as we approached with guns drawn.
“There’s a healing potion in the saddle bag under the horse,” the bandit said, spitting out a mouthful of blood. “I’m worth more alive than dead and you don’t want to throw away good money, do ya?”
Silas pulled the hammer back on his gun, pointing it at the outlaw’s head.
“Wait,” Bill said, coughing weakly. “I got a dragon core, a real dragon core. I’ll tell you where to get it.”
“Now where would you get a dragon core?” Silas asked.
“From the Silvertown mines,” Bill rasped. “One of my boys, his brother works the mines and told him that they found dragon bones. That’s when I took the girl and made her daddy my bitch. He’d do anything to get her back.”
Silas pulled the trigger, splattering the outlaws head all over the remains of the horse.
“I’ve heard enough,” He said, holstering his pistol. “He kidnapped the girl and the others, holding them hostage so the Patriarch and other townsfolk wouldn’t interfere with his scheme. Let’s find the girl and get back to town.”
“Damn, Silas. In cold blood,” I said, turning my head from the sight of the gore. This is twice today I’ve seen the inside of a man’s skull. I should be bothered by this, like really bothered, but I’m not. Not really. It’s like there’s a disconnect and the only thing my brain can process is how smooth and efficient Silas was when he pulled the trigger. I can still taste bile in the back of my throat though.
“You want to do that thing of yours? Or you want me to dig his core out?”
“I’ll handle it,” I said, kneeling to touch the man so I could trigger [Disassembly]. “You should go see about the girl, she’s trying to use my Horse to get away and is having a nervous breakdown because he won’t move.”
I asked Horse to mosey around the burning remains of the shack with his new rider and to meet Silas. He sent back an image of him riding in a wagon with me pulling it. I’m guessing that he’s not enthused about being a taxi service.
The girl, Loretta Jurgens, was not in good shape.
The door set into the wall of the canyon covered the dead-end shaft of an abandoned moon silver mine left behind by some prospector. Loretta had been kept in there for the better part of a month and was in hysterics trying to get Horse to move. I'll let Silas deal with her while I process everything.
I collected 2100 credits for the all bandits, another 130 silver that I split with Silas, and of course, all their cores which would need to be turned in for bounties. A dozen pistols and several score of bullets were added to my inventory as well, including several knives and other personal effects that Silas assured me would fetch a few coin at a local pawnshop or general store. And gold teeth.
All that remained now was to locate the loot and leave this hell hole.
[INDEX]

"EVERYBODY IS TRYING TO BLAME US"
Puts man's hand on stick to beat him
Shoots at the window of a guy recording
Arrests girl not drinking
Gets in a guys face and feelings hurt
Pulls down peaceful protestors mask
Roid Rage Cop
Arrest store owners that were being looted
Bodyslams innocent man
Draw guns on Stormtrooper Cosplayer
Cop accidentally shoots other cop then suspect
Off duty asks for papers
Arrests Firefighter
Pulls gun on student outside of his dorm
Points gun at man for tinted windows
Shoots Press with rubber bullets
Kicks handcuffed man in the head
Arrests man for doing what he is told
Beat man for reasons unknown
Uses illegal chokehold
Kneeling on neck and tasing pregnant woman
Tries to shoot dog, kills the owner
Homeowner gets arrested
Choke a 13-year old
Attacks man about to file complaint
Release K9 on someone not resisting
Pull gun on teens
Plants drugs
Shoot water-spraying protesters with rubber
Uvalde
Almost sprayed
Provokes man with mental illness
Bikes over man's head
No Warrant entry
Pulled over for obeying the law
Bag of weed vs Twenty cops
Refuse to leave wrongly accused house
Almost breaks guys arm
Arrogant C
Beat a man with mental illness
Vs peaceful protesters
Flips pregnant woman's car
Pulls over Sheriff
Schooled by superior
Sergeant defends cameraman
Traffic Cop
Beat after complying
Power trip
Mom vs Cop
Ego trip
SWAT shoots complying man
Arrested going to work
Locked in jail freezer
Vs crashed old lady
K9 gang beatdown
Kill man eating anxiety pill
Arrested for recording
Assaulted over beer
Old woman dies in police car
Store owner Vs Cop
Don't flip off cops
Vs store employee
Shooting protestors
Execute a man whose car isn't working
No warrant entry and choke
No warrant entry
Woman in cop car hit by train
Shoot man running away
2x POV police brutality
Tazed in Tennessee
Police brutality
Cop neighbor shoots dog
Dying in cop car
Abusing disabled man
Blind man has a stick
Victim blaming
Laughing at civilian killed by cop
Getting run over while tazed
Trigger happy cop executes man
Shoot a man running away
Shoot Pomeranian
Kill woman with knife
Cop vs Cop
Beatdown after complying
Killing suicidal man
Middle finger
Off duty officer punching man at red light
Scared cops hide from shooter
Officer breaks 64 year old woman's jaw
Officer throws 65 year old to the ground cause brain bleed
Arrested for not providing ID while looking for cat
Four mags unloaded on woman in her own home mistaken for burglar
Go to the wrong house, execute the man holding a gun when he opens the door
Trooper murders motorist
Pulling over a bicycle rider
Raid wrong house, injure premature baby
Enter house and kill two dogs
Taze car crash victim
Another slam to the ground
Cop flees after killing motorcycle driver
Punch handcuffed man 13 times in the face
Frames man with open-container
Wildly shoot at suspect and kill kidnapped victim
Brutality for resisting
Punching handcuffed woman in the face
Abandon mentally ill teen in facility lobby
Elbow man in the face offering donations
Sheriffs execute non aggressive dogs
Burst in man's home and arrest without warrant
Police misread address = dead dog
K9 attacks restrained, non-resisting suspect
Cops vs paint roller
Smash suspect's head with handcuffs
Not giving ID = made up charges
Unlawful entry, no warrant, no arrest
Shoots barking dog
Executes confused blind/deaf dog
Woman's face destroyed after pushed into holding cell
Airmen shot in his own home holding a gun after police hide from peephole

I promised myself I wouldn't text you. So I won't. For now. I don't know how much longer I can deal with the silence. We used to text every single day. And then, all of a sudden, you decided I'd make a good punching bag. I said that this time, I wouldn't be the one crawling back. I told myself that if I mattered to you at all, you'd come to me. Maybe I was wrong and my mental illnesses were right all along. You don't care. You never did. You just used me.
I hate this so much. I wish I could hate you, but I can't. I just can't. I think back of all the good times and remember that maybe, I shouldn't give you up like that because you're going through hell and probably didn't mean to hurt me. But it reminds me of so many bad people from the past. I looked for excuses, giving them reasons why they were acting the way they were. Just like I'm trying to find excuses for you. Because you matter to me so, so much.
If you don't text me, I'll text you next weekend. Give you the chance to be honest with me. To stay a part of my life if you want it. Or to get rid of me for good. It's up to you. Just make up your mind and be honest with me, okay? After everything I've done for you, I think you kinda owe me that, wouldn't you agree?
I really hope you want to stay. I really, really do. Despite the hurt, I still think I'm in love with you. Which makes all of this so much more painful. I want to be good friends again. Maybe more once we're ready. I just want your company back. But if you're done with me, please just give me the chance of closure. So I can get over you. And never allow myself to get attached to anyone ever again. Because if anything, you taught me what I already knew. Nobody wants me. Getting attached to others is just a waste of time and energy. Sooner or later, they will abandon me either way.
Please text me. Prove to me that we're friends. That I matter to you. Please.
-me
(Just screaming into the void, please don't dm me. Thanks for understanding.)

Have any of you dialed in the future - fruit punch from black and white rosters? I just got a bag a couple days ago and it smells amazing. If it tastes as good as it smells I will be loading up on this one. T-minus 11 days 8hrs and 32 mins

Hello there, for context my wife and I have been together for 5 years and are recently married. We both don’t have very cool parents/traumatic childhoods and it’s been stressful for both of us trying to make it out here by ourselves. I’m also not the best writer, so please forgive me. Throughout our relationship we’ve had disagreements on things, which I feel is perfectly normal in any relationship. I actively put in an effort to go into these discussions with an open mind and consider her feelings. I want to solve the issue we are having for both of us. Most of the time I don’t feel like I get the same energy from her and I don’t know how to handle it. I feel like she gets upset at the fact I’m even disagreeing with her. I’m not sure how to put it, but her tone feels very hostile and accusing. She uses phrases like “you’re pissing me off” when I feel I don’t deserve it. Even the way she looks at me hurts. I can’t get it out of my head. I love her so much and I could never look at her that way. She turns bitter quickly and will remain that way for days. It’s really difficult for me to find common ground in this situation. I’ve brought it up before, how we are in this for the long run and it’s okay for us to disagree, but it’s not okay to be mean. She shut me down pretty quick by saying things like “Well that’s just how I reacted” , and “I don’t care”. She does have some diagnoses (ptsd, anxiety, depression, pmdd) that might be making it difficult for her to manage how she handles these situations. We both think I have similar, undiagnosed mental health issue. I love her more than anything and I want to co-cope with her, but I feel like an emotional punching bag sometimes. It really bothers me and it makes me feel like I’m walking on eggshells around her. It scares me to talk about these issue’s because of how she could react. I know I’m far from perfect and have a bunch of growing to do, and there’s no one else I’d rather grow with. How do I let her know that I can’t handle the way she acts towards me when we have an issue, without making her upset with me? In these heated moments, how can I diffuse the situation? Is it possible she’s being very reasonable and I’m just too sensitive? I want her to feel loved and supported while still holding my ground.

My girlfriend grew up in an abusive environment and her parents were super controlling so she also grew up isolated.
When she got to college she hooked up with two guys in the span of a week and has felt a lot of remorse for it and has a deep hatred of men. She also accuses me of trying to pretend to be nice and caring to get in her pants which isn't true and that accusation hurts.
From what I gather those experiences were the only two sexual experiences she has and I asked so I could get some understanding of the situation.
Both guys she had been with prior had sex with her her and kicked her to the curb afterwards as well as being verbally abusive during the sex. Not in the fun way in a bullying hateful way. No foreplay no nothing. Just did their business and kicked her to the curb. I asked her if those guys pretended to be into her to get in her pants and what's why she's accusing me of doing it and she said she doesn't want to talk about it which is valid. I really suspect she was made to feel cared about and used for sex at best and possibly pressured or scared to say no at worst. As these encounters weren't pleasurable (her words)
It all just had an icky feeling to it. The general vibe is more abuse and less no strings attached fun. It bothers me to no end. There's been times I've tried to ask if she was hurt and she just shuts the convo down I don't bring it up unless she does, but I do worry about her. It bothers me most that someone I have grown to love and value felt the need for casual sex to feel a human connection and then was thrown away as soon as the dudes got off. She said she did it because she was lonely and never had male attention so it felt good to get that attention. Yet when she talks about it she talks about the disparaging comments the guys made about her and her body. It makes me sick for real. I told her I think she was taken advantage of in some capacity and that the dudes seem like real pieces of shit
If someone pretends to like someone to gain access to them sexually that feels like some form of assault. My insecurities about hookups was replaced with anger. It's common and somewhat understandable to be a little insecure about hookups. I was don't ask don't tell on my relationship for a reason. I've always had a policy of I'm not gonna hook up with a girl that I wouldn't date because I don't want to hurt anyone and if I don't wanna be seen with the girl I'm going to be respectful and leave her alone even if she wants it so in short I've never hooked up.
I found this info out before I found out a lot about her childhood. Her childhood was filled with neglect and physical abuse. A lot of it. Emotional abuse from everyone. Even to this day they make comments about her looks. They try to control her relationship. They control her every move actually even though she's in her 20s
I have a lot of anger towards her family who raised her in an abusive and controlling environment. Her mom for letting men hit my girlfriend and worse. Anger at The men who did it. The fact she never truly felt loved in her life and any affection came with strings attached. I'm angry at her other family who's made disparaging comments about her. I'm angry at the men that had their way with her, verbally abused her and threw her away like trash. I'm angry at the fact she felt the need to be intimate with strangers who treated her with such disrespect in order to feel any sort of connection . Id feel better if it was sexual exploration and done safe sane and fully consentual without hints of coersion. Sure I'd feel a insecure again. Id rather take the insecurity over feeling pissed at abstract things from the past that I couldn't change and happened before me. It's anger with no outlet.
I feel guilt over my relationships and women I've talked to before her. I've gathered that overall I'm more experienced than her. I've talked to more women then she has men. I've had more sexual experience even though our number is the same. Her encounters to my long term relationships. Time for time I have more experience. I feel like shit for stuff I can't change. I wish I would have saved myself as corny as that sounds.
I get this feeling like we both "missed out" some days I think about it we would have met sooner, how better things could be for both of us.She would have at least not been with guys who preyed on her trauma, I wouldn't have had abusive ex's she's asked if we would have been friends in highschool and I told her yeah if we knew each other. She's asked if I would have dated her back then and of course I would. I think we have a beautiful relationship as is. We love each other she melts my heart and I couldn't imagine my life with anyone else, I feel that shes my other half and I'm truly in love with this woman. Stronger love than I've ever felt before. It hurts that I didn't know her sooner to protect her from some of the shit she's been through. I'm her first relationship but she's not mine. We're neither of each others first in bed. I mean it hurts me that I didn't know she existed and we'd meet and I've slept with women who treated me badly. It hurts that she has trouble feeling loved by me. I keep my anger to her family to myself I don't know them but I'm angry at them. I'll be honest I hate em and I've never even met them. They use her as the scapegoat. They've given her nothing but a life full of horrific abuse that now as an adult she blames herself for it. I was raised with purity culture in mind so the fact that both of us have sexual pasts tainted with to be quite frank abuse bothers me. We come to the relationship with sets of issues and for the first time In my life I've found someone I want to marry and I'm a little bummed we couldn't share that intimate first time even though I know it's overrated from my own experience.
I wanna Why people are so shitty. Why one person has to be the punching bag their entire life. Why her family has to act like that. Why the dudes who used her for sex couldn't go for anyone else but the chick who craved love and a connection, they could have at least been decent and not caused more trauma out the door.
I know as a Christian we're called to forgive. I've heard picking up trespasses is a sin, but I can't help but feel a tremendous anger. Is it that wrong to be angry on another's behalf? I feel like someone has to. She doesn't speak up for herself and has normalized everything that's happened to her. Deep down it just hurts. I made a post the other day about not being able to feel the spark and after digging deep that feeling went away and we had a conversation where I explained to her that the way she has been treated isn't okay and she deserves better, but I am left with this anger at those who's wronged me and truth be told anger at those who have wronged me especially in relationships. Me and her work hard daily to make the relationship work and overcome our anxieties and worry from the past. We love each other deeply and she's someone I want to spend my life with. I want to start a family with her. She's honestly my best friend and we get along so well. She's a beautiful soul. I feel like this is where all my anger at those who hurt her comes from because well no one deserves it.
I'm a Christian and she's not though I understand why knowing her background. My grandma always said God works in mysterious ways and my fatal flaw so to speak is being fired up on behalf of those who have been wronged. This relationship brings that front and center into every day life. Id really like for us to move on from our respective pasts and build a loving healthy future with a beautiful family. I've suggested therapy to her but she didn't seem comfortable with that. I at least got from no I won't to she'll consider it. I pray for her all the time and hope something happens to move things along. Id like to be able to live with this woman soon and work on starting the journey of building a life together.
I had posted this in the Christianity sub but ended up getting down voted for some reason.

As the title states, my friend is really good at smash. Aggravatingly good. Quitting the round good. He's like low tournament level, meanwhile I'm still figuring out how to DI and SDI. I am quite literally used as a punching bag while he takes my stocks with little problem. The game used to be fun, but now that I want to be better, it's just plain aggravating. I can't get better, and it's driving me insane. I also can't find out who to play, as being beaten mercilessly by him (he knows how to play everyone on the cast) gives every character a negative conotaton, and I can't figure out who or what I like.

it's becoming increasingly more obvious that Ethan thinks less of ab. like how he feels comfortable enough to use him as a punching bag and just disguise it as a "joke". I just get the vibe that the love that he does show AB is fake af and he just pretends to like him. and he prob gets a weird kick out of ab being his simp and always glazing him up too. their relationship is so weird.