Dear mr. henshaw jeopardy
Excerpt from The Culture of Narcissism by Christopher Lasch (The Narcissistic Personality of Our Time Continuation)
2024.05.16 05:04 MirkWorks Excerpt from The Culture of Narcissism by Christopher Lasch (The Narcissistic Personality of Our Time Continuation)
II. The Narcissistic Personality of Our Time
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Social Influences on Narcissism
Every age develops its own peculiar forms of pathology, which express in exaggerated form its underlying character structure. In Freud’s time, hysteria and obsessional neurosis carried to extremes the personality traits associated with the capitalist order at an earlier stage in its development - acquisitiveness, fanatical devotion to work, and a fierce repression of sexuality. In our time, the preschizophrenic, borderline, or personality disorders have attracted increasing attention, along with schizophrenia itself. This “change in the form of neuroses has been observed and described since World War II by an ever-increasing number of psychiatrists.” According to Peter L. Giovacchini, “Clinicians are constantly faced with the seemingly increasing number of patients who do not fit current diagnostic categories” and who suffer not from “definitive symptoms” but from “vague, ill-defined complaints.” “When I refer to ‘this type of patient,’” he writes, “practically everyone knows to whom I am referring.” The growing prominence of “character disorders” seems to signify an underlying change in the organization of personality, from what has been called inner-direction to narcissism.
Allen Wheelis argued in 1958 that the change in the “patterns of neuroses” fell “within the personal experience of older psychoanalysts,” while younger ones “become aware of it from the discrepancy between the older descriptions of neuroses and the problems presented by the patients who come daily to their offices. The change is from symptom neuroses to character disorders.” Heinz Lichtenstein, who questioned the additional assertion that it reflected a change in personality structure, nevertheless wrote in 1963 that the “change in neurotic patterns” already constituted a “well-known fact.” In the seventies, such reports have become increasingly common. “It is not accident,” Herbert Hendin notes, “that at the present time the dominant events in psychoanalysis are the rediscovery of narcissism and the new emphasis on the psychological significance of death.” “What hysteria and the obsessive neuroses were to Freud and his early colleagues…at the beginning of this century,” writes Michael Beldoch, “the narcissistic disorders are to the workaday analyst in these last few decades before the next millennium. Today’s patients by and large do not suffer from hysterical paralyses of the legs or hand-washing compulsions; instead it is their very psychic selves that have gone numb or that they must scrub and rescrub in an exhausting and unending effort to come clean.” These patients suffer from “pervasive feelings of emptiness and a deep disturbance of self-esteem.” Burness E. Moore notes that narcissistic disorders have become more and more common. According to Sheldon Bach, “You used to see people coming in with hand-washing compulsions, phobias, and familiar neuroses. Now you see mostly narcissists.” Gilbert J. Rose maintains that the psychoanalytic outlook, “inappropriately transplanted from analytic practice” to everyday life, has contributed to “global permissiveness” and the “over-domestication of instinct,” which in turn contributes to the proliferation of “narcissistic identity disorders.” According to Joel Kovel, the stimulation of infantile cravings by advertising, the usurpation of parental authority by the media and the school, and the rationalization of inner life accompanied by the false promise of personal fulfillment, have created a new type of “social individual.” “The result is not the classical neuroses where an infantile impulse is suppressed by patriarchal authority, but a modern version in which impulse is stimulated, perverted and given neither an adequate object upon which to satisfy itself nor coherent forms of control…. The entire complex, played out in a setting of alienation rather than direct control, loses the classical form of symptom - and the classical therapeutic opportunity of simply restoring an impulse to consciousness.”
The reported increase in the number of narcissistic patients does not necessarily indicate that narcissistic disorders are more common than they used to be, in the population as a whole, or that they have become more common than the classical conversion neurosis. Perhaps they simply come more quickly to psychiatric attention. Ilza Veith contends that “with the increasing awareness of conversion reactions and the popularization of psychiatric literature, the ‘old-fashioned’ somatic expressions of hysteria have become suspect among the more sophisticated classes, and hence most physicians observe that obvious conversion symptoms are now rarely encountered and, if at all, only among the uneducated.” The attention given to character disorders in recent clinical literature probably makes psychiatrists more alert to their presence. But this possibility by no means diminishes the importance of psychiatric testimony about the prevalence of narcissism, especially when this testimony appears at the same time that journalists begin to speculate about the new narcissism and the unhealthy trend toward self-absorption. The narcissist comes to the attention of psychiatrists for some of the same reasons that he rises to positions of prominence not only in awareness movements and other cults but in business corporations, political organizations, and government bureaucracies. For all his inner suffering, the narcissist has many traits that make for success in bureaucratic institutions, which put a premium on the manipulation of interpersonal relations, discourage the formation of deep personal attachments, and at the same time provide the narcissist with the approval he needs in order to validate his self-esteem. Although he may resort to therapies that promise to give meaning to life and to overcome his sense of emptiness, in his professional career the narcissist often enjoys considerable success. The management of personal impressions comes naturally to him, and his mastery of its intricacies serves him well in political and business organizations where performance now counts for less than “visibility,” “momentum,” and a winning record. As the “organization man” gives way to the bureaucratic “gamesman” - the “loyalty era” of American business to the age of the “executive success game” - the narcissist comes into his own.
In a study of 250 managers from twelve major companies, Michael Maccoby describes the new corporate leader, not altogether unsympathetically, as a person who works with people rather than with materials and who seeks not to build an empire or accumulate wealth but to experience “the exhilaration of running his team and of gaining victories.” He wants to “be known as a winner, and his deepest fear is to be labeled a loser.” Instead of pitting himself against a material task or a problem demanding solution, he puts himself against others, out of a “need to be in control.” As a recent textbook for managers puts it, success today means “not simply getting ahead” but “getting ahead of others.” The new executive, boyish, playful, and “seductive,” wants in Maccoby’s words “to maintain an illusion of limitless options.” He has little capacity for “personal intimacy and social commitment.” He feels little loyalty even to the company for which he works. One executive says he experiences power “as not being pushed around by the company.” In his upward climb, this man cultivates powerful customers and attempts to use them against his own company. “You need a very big customer,” according to his calculations, “who is always in trouble and demands changes from the company. That way you automatically have power in the company, and with the customer too. I like to keep my options open.” A professor of management endorses this strategy. “Overidentification” with the company, in his view, “produces a corporation with enormous power over the careers and destinies of its true believers.” The bigger the company, the more important he thinks it is for executes “to manage their careers in terms of their own…free choices” and to “maintain the widest set of options possible.”
According to Maccoby, the gamesman “is open to new ideas, but he lacks convictions.” He will do business with any regime, even if he disapproves of its principles. More independent and resourceful than the company man, he tries to use the company for his own ends, fearing that otherwise he will be “totally emasculated by the corporation.” He avoids intimacy as a trap, preferring the “exciting, sexy atmosphere” with which the modern executive surrounds himself at work, “where adoring, mini-skirted secretaries constantly flirt with him.” In all his personal relations, the gamesman depends on the admiration or fear he inspires in others to certify his credentials as a “winner.” As he gets older, he finds it more and more difficult to command the kind of attention on which he thrives. He reaches a plateau beyond which he does not advance in his job, perhaps because the very highest positions, as Maccoby notes, still go to “those able to renounce adolescent rebelliousness and become at least to some extent believers in the organization.” The job begins to lose its savor. Having little interest in craftsmanship, the new-style executive takes no pleasure in his achievements once he begins to lose the adolescent charm on which they rest. Middle age hits him with the force of a disaster: “Once his youth, vigor, and even the thrill in winning are lost, he becomes depressed and goalless, questioning the purpose of his life. No longer energized by the team struggle and unable to dedicate himself to something he believes in beyond himself, … he finds himself starkly alone.” It is not surprising, given the prevalence of this career pattern, that popular psychology returns so often to the “midlife crisis” and to ways of combating it.
In Wilfrid Sheed’s novel Office Politics, a wife asks, “There are real issues, aren’t there, between Mr. Fine and Mr. Tyler?” Her husband answers that the issues are trivial; “the jockeying of ego is the real story.” Eugene Emerson Jennings’s study of management, which celebrates the demise of the organization man and the advent of the new “era of mobility,” insists that corporate “mobility is more than mere job performance.” What counts is “style…panache…the ability to say and do almost anything without antagonizing others.” The upwardly mobile executive, according to Jennings, knows how to handle the people around him - the “shelf-sitter” who suffers from “arrested mobility” and envies success; the “fast learner”; the “mobile superior.” The “mobility-bright executive” has learned to “read” the power relations in his office and “to see the less visible and less audible side of his superiors, chiefly their standing with their peers and superiors.” He “Can infer from a minimum of cues who are the centers of power, and he seeks to have high visibility and exposure with them. He will assiduously cultivate his standing and opportunities with them and seize every opportunity to learn from them. He will utilize his opportunities in social world to size up the men who are centers of sponsorship in the corporate world.”
Constantly comparing the “executive success game” to an athletic contest or a game of chess, Jennings treats the substance of executive life as if it were just as arbitrarily and irrelevant to success as the task of kicking a ball through a net or of moving pieces over a chessboard. He never mentions the social and economic repercussions of managerial decisions or the power that managers exercise over society as a whole. For the corporate manager on the make, power consists not of money and influence but of “momentum,” a “winning image,” a reputation as a winner. Power lies in the eye of the beholder and thus has no objective reference at all.
The manager’s view of the world, as described by Jennings, Maccoby, and by the managers themselves, is that of the narcissist, who sees the world as a mirror of himself and has no interest in external events except as they throw back a reflection of his own image. The dense interpersonal environment of modern bureaucracy, in which work assumes an abstract quality almost wholly divorced from performance, by its very nature elicits and often rewards a narcissistic response. Bureaucracy, however, is only one of a number of social influences that are bringing a narcissistic type of personality organization into greater and greater prominence. Another such influence is the mechanical reproduction of culture, the proliferation of visual and audial images in the “society of the spectacle.” We live in a swirl of images and echoes that arrest experience and play it back in slow motion. Cameras and recording machines not only transcribe experience but alter its quality, giving to much of modern life that character of an enormous echo chamber, a hall of mirrors. Life presents itself as a succession of images of electronic signals, of impressions recorded and reproduced by means of photography, motion pictures, television, and sophisticated recording devices. Modern life is thoroughly mediated by electronic images that we cannot help responding to others as if their actions - and our own - were being recorded and simultaneously transmitted to an unseen audience or stored up for close scrutiny at some later time. “Smile, you’re on candid camera!” The intrusion into everyday life of this all-seeing eye no longer takes us by surprise or catches us with our defenses down. We need no reminder to smile. A smile is permanently graven on our features, and we already known from which of several angles its photographs to best advantage.
The proliferation of recorded images undermines our sense of reality. As Susan Sontag observes in her study of photography, “Reality has come to seem more and more like what we are shown by cameras.” We distrust our perceptions until the camera verifies them. Photographic images provide us with the proof of our existence, without which we would find it difficult even to reconstruct a personal history. Bourgeois families in the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries, Sontag points out, posed for portraits in order to proclaim the family’s status, whereas today the family album of photographs verifies the individual’s existence: its documentary record of his development from infancy onward provides him with the only evidence of his life that he recognizes as altogether valid. Among the “many narcissistic uses” that Sontag attributes to the camera, “self-surveillance” ranks among the most important, not only because it provides the technical means of ceaseless self-scrutiny but because it renders the sense of selfhood dependent on the consumption of images of the self, at the same time calling into question the reality of the external world.
By preserving images of the self at various stages of development, the camera helps to weaken the older idea of development as moral education and to promote a more passive idea according to which development consists of passing through the stages of life at the right time and in the right order. Current fascination with the life cycle embodies an awareness that success in politics or business depends on reaching certain goals on schedule; but it also reflects the ease with which developments can be electronically recorded. This brings us to another cultural change that elicits a widespread narcissistic response and, in this case, gives it a philosophical sanction: the emergence of a therapeutic ideology that upholds a normative schedule of psychosocial development and thus gives further encouragement to anxious self-scrutiny. The idea of normative development creates the fear that any deviation from the norm has a pathological source. Doctors have made a cult of periodic checkup - an investigation carried out once again by means of cameras and other recording instruments - and have implanted in their clients the notion that health depends on eternal watchfulness and the early detection of symptoms, as verified by medical technology. The client no longer feels physically or psychologically secure until his X-rays confirm a “clean bill of health.”
Medicine and psychiatry - more generally, the therapeutic outlook and sensibility that pervade modern society - reinforce the pattern created by other cultural influences, in which the individual endlessly examines himself for signs of aging and ill health, for tell-tale symptoms of psychic stress, for blemishes and flaws that might diminish his attractiveness, or on the other hand for reassuring indications that his life is proceeding according to schedule. Modern medicine has conquered the plagues and epidemics that once made life so precarious, only to create new forms of insecurity. In the same way, bureaucracy has made life predictable and even boring while reviving, in a new form, the war of all against all. Our overorganized society, in which large-scale organizations predominate but have lost the capacity to command allegiance, in some respects more nearly approximates a condition of universal animosity than did the primitive capitalism on which Hobbes managed his state of nature. Social conditions today encourage a survival mentality, expressed in its crudest form in disaster movies or in fantasies of space travel, which allow vicarious escape from a doomed planet. People no longer dream of overcoming difficulties but merely of surviving them. In business, according to Jennings, “The struggle is to survive emotionally” -to “preserve or enhance one’s identity or ego.” The normative concept of developmental stages promotes a view of life as an obstacle course: the aim is simply to get through the course with a minimum of trouble and pain. The ability to manipulate what Gail Sheehy refers to, using a medical metaphor, as “life-support systems” now appears to represent the highest form of wisdom: the knowledge that gets us through, as she puts it, without panic. Those who master Sheehy’s “no-panic approach to aging” and to the traumas of the life cycle will be able to say, in the words of one of her subjects, “I know I can survive… I don’t panic any more.” This is hardly an exalted form of satisfaction, however. “The current ideology,” Sheehy writes, “seems a mix of personal survivalism, revivalism, and cynicism”; yet her enormously popular guide to the “predictable crises of adult life,” with its superficially optimistic hymn to growth, development, and “self-actualization,” does not challenge this ideology, merely restates it in more “humanistic” form. “Growth” has become a euphemism for survival.
The World View of the Resigned
New social forms require new forms of personality, new modes of socialization, new ways of organizing experience. The concept of narcissism provides us not with a ready-made psychological determinism but with a way of understanding the psychological impact of recent social changes - assuming that we bear in mind not only its clinical origins but the continuum between pathology and normality. It provides us, in other words, with a tolerably accurate portrait of the “liberated” personality of our time, with his charm, his pseudo-awareness of his own condition, his promiscuous pansexuality, his fascination with oral sex, his fear of the castrating mother (Mrs. Portnoy), his hypochondria, his protective shallowness, his avoidance of dependence, his inability to mourn, his dread of old age and death.
Narcissism appears realistically to represent the best way of coping with the tensions and anxieties of modern life, and the prevailing social conditions therefore tend to bring out narcissistic traits that are present, in varying degrees, in everyone. These condition have also transformed the family, which in turn shapes the underlying structure of personality. A society that dears it has no future is not likely to give much attention to the needs of the next generation, and the ever-present sense of historical discontinuity - the blight of our society - falls with particularly devastating effect on the family. The modern parent’s attempt to make children feel loved and wanted does not conceal an underlying coolness - the remoteness of those who have little to pass on the next generation and who in any case give priority to their own right to self-fulfillment. The combination of emotional detachment with attempts to convince a child of his favored position in the family is a good prescription for a narcissistic personality structure.
Through the intermediary of the family, social patterns reproduce themselves in personality. Social arrangements live on in the individual, buried in the mind below the level of consciousness, even after they have become objectively undesirable and unnecessary - as many of our present arrangements are now widely acknowledged to have become. The perception of the world as a dangerous and forbidding place, though it originates in a realistic awareness of the insecurity of contemporary social life, receives reinforcement from the narcissistic projection of aggressive impulses outward. The belief that society has no future, while it rests on a certain realism about the dangers ahead, also incorporates a narcissistic inability to identify with posterity or to feel one self part of a historical stream.
The weakening of social ties, which originates in the prevailing state of social warfare, at the same time reflects a narcissistic defense against dependence. A warlike society tends to produce men and women who are at heart antisocial. It should therefore not surprise us to find that although the narcissist conforms to social norms for fear of external retribution, he often thinks of himself as an outlaw and sees others in the same way, “as basically dishonest and unreliable, or only reliable because of external pressures.” “The value systems of narcissistic personalities are generally corruptible,” writes Kernberg, “in contrast to the rigid morality of the obsessive personality.”
The ethic of self-preservation and psychic survival is rooted, then, not merely in objective conditions of economic warfare, rising rates of crime, and social chaos but in the subjective experience of emptiness and isolation. It reflects the conviction - as much a projection of inner anxieties as a perception of the way things are - that envy and exploitation dominate even the most intimate relations. The cult of personal relations, which becomes increasingly intense as the hope of political solutions recedes, conceals a thoroughgoing disenchantment with personal relations, just as the cult of sensuality implies a repudiation of sensuality in all but its most primitive forms. The ideology of personal growth, superficially optimistic, radiates a profound despair and resignation. It is the faith of those without faith.
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Social Influences on Narcissism
Every age develops its own peculiar forms of pathology, which express in exaggerated form its underlying character structure. In Freud’s time, hysteria and obsessional neurosis carried to extremes the personality traits associated with the capitalist order at an earlier stage in its development - acquisitiveness, fanatical devotion to work, and a fierce repression of sexuality. In our time, the preschizophrenic, borderline, or personality disorders have attracted increasing attention, along with schizophrenia itself. This “change in the form of neuroses has been observed and described since World War II by an ever-increasing number of psychiatrists.” According to Peter L. Giovacchini, “Clinicians are constantly faced with the seemingly increasing number of patients who do not fit current diagnostic categories” and who suffer not from “definitive symptoms” but from “vague, ill-defined complaints.” “When I refer to ‘this type of patient,’” he writes, “practically everyone knows to whom I am referring.” The growing prominence of “character disorders” seems to signify an underlying change in the organization of personality, from what has been called inner-direction to narcissism.
Allen Wheelis argued in 1958 that the change in the “patterns of neuroses” fell “within the personal experience of older psychoanalysts,” while younger ones “become aware of it from the discrepancy between the older descriptions of neuroses and the problems presented by the patients who come daily to their offices. The change is from symptom neuroses to character disorders.” Heinz Lichtenstein, who questioned the additional assertion that it reflected a change in personality structure, nevertheless wrote in 1963 that the “change in neurotic patterns” already constituted a “well-known fact.” In the seventies, such reports have become increasingly common. “It is not accident,” Herbert Hendin notes, “that at the present time the dominant events in psychoanalysis are the rediscovery of narcissism and the new emphasis on the psychological significance of death.” “What hysteria and the obsessive neuroses were to Freud and his early colleagues…at the beginning of this century,” writes Michael Beldoch, “the narcissistic disorders are to the workaday analyst in these last few decades before the next millennium. Today’s patients by and large do not suffer from hysterical paralyses of the legs or hand-washing compulsions; instead it is their very psychic selves that have gone numb or that they must scrub and rescrub in an exhausting and unending effort to come clean.” These patients suffer from “pervasive feelings of emptiness and a deep disturbance of self-esteem.” Burness E. Moore notes that narcissistic disorders have become more and more common. According to Sheldon Bach, “You used to see people coming in with hand-washing compulsions, phobias, and familiar neuroses. Now you see mostly narcissists.” Gilbert J. Rose maintains that the psychoanalytic outlook, “inappropriately transplanted from analytic practice” to everyday life, has contributed to “global permissiveness” and the “over-domestication of instinct,” which in turn contributes to the proliferation of “narcissistic identity disorders.” According to Joel Kovel, the stimulation of infantile cravings by advertising, the usurpation of parental authority by the media and the school, and the rationalization of inner life accompanied by the false promise of personal fulfillment, have created a new type of “social individual.” “The result is not the classical neuroses where an infantile impulse is suppressed by patriarchal authority, but a modern version in which impulse is stimulated, perverted and given neither an adequate object upon which to satisfy itself nor coherent forms of control…. The entire complex, played out in a setting of alienation rather than direct control, loses the classical form of symptom - and the classical therapeutic opportunity of simply restoring an impulse to consciousness.”
The reported increase in the number of narcissistic patients does not necessarily indicate that narcissistic disorders are more common than they used to be, in the population as a whole, or that they have become more common than the classical conversion neurosis. Perhaps they simply come more quickly to psychiatric attention. Ilza Veith contends that “with the increasing awareness of conversion reactions and the popularization of psychiatric literature, the ‘old-fashioned’ somatic expressions of hysteria have become suspect among the more sophisticated classes, and hence most physicians observe that obvious conversion symptoms are now rarely encountered and, if at all, only among the uneducated.” The attention given to character disorders in recent clinical literature probably makes psychiatrists more alert to their presence. But this possibility by no means diminishes the importance of psychiatric testimony about the prevalence of narcissism, especially when this testimony appears at the same time that journalists begin to speculate about the new narcissism and the unhealthy trend toward self-absorption. The narcissist comes to the attention of psychiatrists for some of the same reasons that he rises to positions of prominence not only in awareness movements and other cults but in business corporations, political organizations, and government bureaucracies. For all his inner suffering, the narcissist has many traits that make for success in bureaucratic institutions, which put a premium on the manipulation of interpersonal relations, discourage the formation of deep personal attachments, and at the same time provide the narcissist with the approval he needs in order to validate his self-esteem. Although he may resort to therapies that promise to give meaning to life and to overcome his sense of emptiness, in his professional career the narcissist often enjoys considerable success. The management of personal impressions comes naturally to him, and his mastery of its intricacies serves him well in political and business organizations where performance now counts for less than “visibility,” “momentum,” and a winning record. As the “organization man” gives way to the bureaucratic “gamesman” - the “loyalty era” of American business to the age of the “executive success game” - the narcissist comes into his own.
In a study of 250 managers from twelve major companies, Michael Maccoby describes the new corporate leader, not altogether unsympathetically, as a person who works with people rather than with materials and who seeks not to build an empire or accumulate wealth but to experience “the exhilaration of running his team and of gaining victories.” He wants to “be known as a winner, and his deepest fear is to be labeled a loser.” Instead of pitting himself against a material task or a problem demanding solution, he puts himself against others, out of a “need to be in control.” As a recent textbook for managers puts it, success today means “not simply getting ahead” but “getting ahead of others.” The new executive, boyish, playful, and “seductive,” wants in Maccoby’s words “to maintain an illusion of limitless options.” He has little capacity for “personal intimacy and social commitment.” He feels little loyalty even to the company for which he works. One executive says he experiences power “as not being pushed around by the company.” In his upward climb, this man cultivates powerful customers and attempts to use them against his own company. “You need a very big customer,” according to his calculations, “who is always in trouble and demands changes from the company. That way you automatically have power in the company, and with the customer too. I like to keep my options open.” A professor of management endorses this strategy. “Overidentification” with the company, in his view, “produces a corporation with enormous power over the careers and destinies of its true believers.” The bigger the company, the more important he thinks it is for executes “to manage their careers in terms of their own…free choices” and to “maintain the widest set of options possible.”
According to Maccoby, the gamesman “is open to new ideas, but he lacks convictions.” He will do business with any regime, even if he disapproves of its principles. More independent and resourceful than the company man, he tries to use the company for his own ends, fearing that otherwise he will be “totally emasculated by the corporation.” He avoids intimacy as a trap, preferring the “exciting, sexy atmosphere” with which the modern executive surrounds himself at work, “where adoring, mini-skirted secretaries constantly flirt with him.” In all his personal relations, the gamesman depends on the admiration or fear he inspires in others to certify his credentials as a “winner.” As he gets older, he finds it more and more difficult to command the kind of attention on which he thrives. He reaches a plateau beyond which he does not advance in his job, perhaps because the very highest positions, as Maccoby notes, still go to “those able to renounce adolescent rebelliousness and become at least to some extent believers in the organization.” The job begins to lose its savor. Having little interest in craftsmanship, the new-style executive takes no pleasure in his achievements once he begins to lose the adolescent charm on which they rest. Middle age hits him with the force of a disaster: “Once his youth, vigor, and even the thrill in winning are lost, he becomes depressed and goalless, questioning the purpose of his life. No longer energized by the team struggle and unable to dedicate himself to something he believes in beyond himself, … he finds himself starkly alone.” It is not surprising, given the prevalence of this career pattern, that popular psychology returns so often to the “midlife crisis” and to ways of combating it.
In Wilfrid Sheed’s novel Office Politics, a wife asks, “There are real issues, aren’t there, between Mr. Fine and Mr. Tyler?” Her husband answers that the issues are trivial; “the jockeying of ego is the real story.” Eugene Emerson Jennings’s study of management, which celebrates the demise of the organization man and the advent of the new “era of mobility,” insists that corporate “mobility is more than mere job performance.” What counts is “style…panache…the ability to say and do almost anything without antagonizing others.” The upwardly mobile executive, according to Jennings, knows how to handle the people around him - the “shelf-sitter” who suffers from “arrested mobility” and envies success; the “fast learner”; the “mobile superior.” The “mobility-bright executive” has learned to “read” the power relations in his office and “to see the less visible and less audible side of his superiors, chiefly their standing with their peers and superiors.” He “Can infer from a minimum of cues who are the centers of power, and he seeks to have high visibility and exposure with them. He will assiduously cultivate his standing and opportunities with them and seize every opportunity to learn from them. He will utilize his opportunities in social world to size up the men who are centers of sponsorship in the corporate world.”
Constantly comparing the “executive success game” to an athletic contest or a game of chess, Jennings treats the substance of executive life as if it were just as arbitrarily and irrelevant to success as the task of kicking a ball through a net or of moving pieces over a chessboard. He never mentions the social and economic repercussions of managerial decisions or the power that managers exercise over society as a whole. For the corporate manager on the make, power consists not of money and influence but of “momentum,” a “winning image,” a reputation as a winner
The manager’s view of the world, as described by Jennings, Maccoby, and by the managers themselves, is that of the narcissist, who sees the world as a mirror of himself and has no interest in external events except as they throw back a reflection of his own image. The dense interpersonal environment of modern bureaucracy, in which work assumes an abstract quality almost wholly divorced from performance, by its very nature elicits and often rewards a narcissistic response. Bureaucracy, however, is only one of a number of social influences that are bringing a narcissistic type of personality organization into greater and greater prominence. Another such influence is the mechanical reproduction of culture, the proliferation of visual and audial images in the “society of the spectacle.” We live in a swirl of images and echoes that arrest experience and play it back in slow motion. Cameras and recording machines not only transcribe experience but alter its quality, giving to much of modern life that character of an enormous echo chamber, a hall of mirrors. Life presents itself as a succession of images of electronic signals, of impressions recorded and reproduced by means of photography, motion pictures, television, and sophisticated recording devices. Modern life is thoroughly mediated by electronic images that we cannot help responding to others as if their actions - and our own - were being recorded and simultaneously transmitted to an unseen audience or stored up for close scrutiny at some later time. “Smile, you’re on candid camera!” The intrusion into everyday life of this all-seeing eye no longer takes us by surprise or catches us with our defenses down. We need no reminder to smile. A smile is permanently graven on our features, and we already known from which of several angles its photographs to best advantage.
The proliferation of recorded images undermines our sense of reality. As Susan Sontag observes in her study of photography, “Reality has come to seem more and more like what we are shown by cameras.” We distrust our perceptions until the camera verifies them. Photographic images provide us with the proof of our existence, without which we would find it difficult even to reconstruct a personal history. Bourgeois families in the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries, Sontag points out, posed for portraits in order to proclaim the family’s status, whereas today the family album of photographs verifies the individual’s existence: its documentary record of his development from infancy onward provides him with the only evidence of his life that he recognizes as altogether valid. Among the “many narcissistic uses” that Sontag attributes to the camera, “self-surveillance” ranks among the most important, not only because it provides the technical means of ceaseless self-scrutiny but because it renders the sense of selfhood dependent on the consumption of images of the self, at the same time calling into question the reality of the external world.
By preserving images of the self at various stages of development, the camera helps to weaken the older idea of development as moral education and to promote a more passive idea according to which development consists of passing through the stages of life at the right time and in the right order. Current fascination with the life cycle embodies an awareness that success in politics or business depends on reaching certain goals on schedule; but it also reflects the ease with which developments can be electronically recorded. This brings us to another cultural change that elicits a widespread narcissistic response and, in this case, gives it a philosophical sanction: the emergence of a therapeutic ideology that upholds a normative schedule of psychosocial development and thus gives further encouragement to anxious self-scrutiny. The idea of normative development creates the fear that any deviation from the norm has a pathological source. Doctors have made a cult of periodic checkup - an investigation carried out once again by means of cameras and other recording instruments - and have implanted in their clients the notion that health depends on eternal watchfulness and the early detection of symptoms, as verified by medical technology. The client no longer feels physically or psychologically secure until his X-rays confirm a “clean bill of health.”
Medicine and psychiatry - more generally, the therapeutic outlook and sensibility that pervade modern society - reinforce the pattern created by other cultural influences, in which the individual endlessly examines himself for signs of aging and ill health, for tell-tale symptoms of psychic stress, for blemishes and flaws that might diminish his attractiveness, or on the other hand for reassuring indications that his life is proceeding according to schedule. Modern medicine has conquered the plagues and epidemics that once made life so precarious, only to create new forms of insecurity. In the same way, bureaucracy has made life predictable and even boring while reviving, in a new form, the war of all against all. Our overorganized society, in which large-scale organizations predominate but have lost the capacity to command allegiance, in some respects more nearly approximates a condition of universal animosity than did the primitive capitalism on which Hobbes managed his state of nature. Social conditions today encourage a survival mentality, expressed in its crudest form in disaster movies or in fantasies of space travel, which allow vicarious escape from a doomed planet. People no longer dream of overcoming difficulties but merely of surviving them. In business, according to Jennings, “The struggle is to survive emotionally” -to “preserve or enhance one’s identity or ego.” The normative concept of developmental stages promotes a view of life as an obstacle course: the aim is simply to get through the course with a minimum of trouble and pain. The ability to manipulate what Gail Sheehy refers to, using a medical metaphor, as “life-support systems” now appears to represent the highest form of wisdom: the knowledge that gets us through, as she puts it, without panic. Those who master Sheehy’s “no-panic approach to aging” and to the traumas of the life cycle will be able to say, in the words of one of her subjects, “I know I can survive… I don’t panic any more.” This is hardly an exalted form of satisfaction, however. “The current ideology,” Sheehy writes, “seems a mix of personal survivalism, revivalism, and cynicism”; yet her enormously popular guide to the “predictable crises of adult life,” with its superficially optimistic hymn to growth, development, and “self-actualization,” does not challenge this ideology, merely restates it in more “humanistic” form. “Growth” has become a euphemism for survival.
The World View of the Resigned
New social forms require new forms of personality, new modes of socialization, new ways of organizing experience. The concept of narcissism provides us not with a ready-made psychological determinism but with a way of understanding the psychological impact of recent social changes - assuming that we bear in mind not only its clinical origins but the continuum between pathology and normality. It provides us, in other words, with a tolerably accurate portrait of the “liberated” personality of our time, with his charm, his pseudo-awareness of his own condition, his promiscuous pansexuality, his fascination with oral sex, his fear of the castrating mother (Mrs. Portnoy), his hypochondria, his protective shallowness, his avoidance of dependence, his inability to mourn, his dread of old age and death.
Narcissism appears realistically to represent the best way of coping with the tensions and anxieties of modern life, and the prevailing social conditions therefore tend to bring out narcissistic traits that are present, in varying degrees, in everyone. These condition have also transformed the family, which in turn shapes the underlying structure of personality. A society that dears it has no future is not likely to give much attention to the needs of the next generation, and the ever-present sense of historical discontinuity - the blight of our society - falls with particularly devastating effect on the family. The modern parent’s attempt to make children feel loved and wanted does not conceal an underlying coolness - the remoteness of those who have little to pass on the next generation and who in any case give priority to their own right to self-fulfillment. The combination of emotional detachment with attempts to convince a child of his favored position in the family is a good prescription for a narcissistic personality structure.
Through the intermediary of the family, social patterns reproduce themselves in personality. Social arrangements live on in the individual, buried in the mind below the level of consciousness, even after they have become objectively undesirable and unnecessary - as many of our present arrangements are now widely acknowledged to have become. The perception of the world as a dangerous and forbidding place, though it originates in a realistic awareness of the insecurity of contemporary social life, receives reinforcement from the narcissistic projection of aggressive impulses outward. The belief that society has no future, while it rests on a certain realism about the dangers ahead, also incorporates a narcissistic inability to identify with posterity or to feel one self part of a historical stream.
The weakening of social ties, which originates in the prevailing state of social warfare, at the same time reflects a narcissistic defense against dependence. A warlike society tends to produce men and women who are at heart antisocial. It should therefore not surprise us to find that although the narcissist conforms to social norms for fear of external retribution, he often thinks of himself as an outlaw and sees others in the same way, “as basically dishonest and unreliable, or only reliable because of external pressures.” “The value systems of narcissistic personalities are generally corruptible,” writes Kernberg, “in contrast to the rigid morality of the obsessive personality.”
The ethic of self-preservation and psychic survival is rooted, then, not merely in objective conditions of economic warfare, rising rates of crime, and social chaos but in the subjective experience of emptiness and isolation. It reflects the conviction - as much a projection of inner anxieties as a perception of the way things are - that envy and exploitation dominate even the most intimate relations. The cult of personal relations, which becomes increasingly intense as the hope of political solutions recedes, conceals a thoroughgoing disenchantment with personal relations, just as the cult of sensuality implies a repudiation of sensuality in all but its most primitive forms. The ideology of personal growth, superficially optimistic, radiates a profound despair and resignation. It is the faith of those without faith.
2024.05.16 03:01 bman_16 So I've recently rewatched all of the series up to present point. Here are my thoughts/rankings. Pt 6 - Season 6
 | NOTE: All of these are just my opinion. Feel free to disagree. submitted by bman_16 to spongebob [link] [comments] Ratings: The Bad
Tier List: https://preview.redd.it/3mhzv1ijto0d1.png?width=1140&format=png&auto=webp&s=992f704a77d1dbe70fb8f144eafddab3064fae5d |
2024.05.16 02:23 Mana_Croissant Please recommend me very good OIs to read.
I am searching for new solid Otome Isekai stories to read so please recommend me solid ones that you have enjoyed greatly. As long as the story and characters are good i can probably enjoy anything but if i have to give a preference i don't like when FL or ML are just simps as in when the ML is just the ''Yes my lady'' type where his entire existence in the story is to obey FL's every word (kinda like Nine from Beware of the villainess) and for the FL to be just a huge ML simp who comments about how gorgeous ML is in every two to three sentence. So please give me good OIs to read. Multiple recommendations would be appreciated
Here is the list of OIs i have read to this day.
1: Hamefura
2: Death Is The Only Ending For The Villainess
3: Who Made Me A Princess
4: The Villainess Reverses The Hourglass
5: Remarried Empress (dropped because I dislike both Navier and her boring love interest)
6: Beware Of The Villainess! (dropped because I find Nine to be very unlikeable and bad for a ML)
7: The Villainess Lives Twice
8: Kill The Villainess
9: I Favor The Villainess
10: Please Bully Me Miss Villainess
11: Holy Grail of Eris
12: Raeliana
13: Roxanna
14: Your Throne
15: Survive As The Hero's Wife
16: I’Ll Be The Matriarch In This Life
17: Father, I Don’T Want To Get Married!
18: When I Traveled To Another World I Was Forced To Be The Princess Of The City
19: Untouchable Lady
20: What It Means To Be You
21: Actually, I Was The Real One
22: Endo And Kobayashi’S Live Commentary On The Villainess
23: May I Ask For One Final Thing?
24: Just Leave Me Be
25: My Observational Diary Of Elena Evoy
26: The World Of Otome Games Is Tough For Mobs
27: My Three Tyrant Brothers
28: Villainess Level 99 ~I May Be The Hidden Boss But I'm Not The Demon Lord
29: The Most Heretical Last Boss Queen Who Will Become The Source Of Tragedy Will Devote Herself For The Sake Of The People
30: Akuyaku Reijou No Shitsuji-Sama Hametsu
31: I'm Stanning The Prince
32:The Plain And Unnoticeable Me Is No More
33: My Death Flags Show No Sign Of Ending
34: The Twin Siblings’ New Life
35: Regina Rena – To The Unforgiven
36: I've Become The Villainous Empress Of A Novel
37: If You Touch My Little Brother, You’Re All Dead
38: Survive Romance
39: The Kind Older Sister Is No More
40: The Strongest Characters In The World Are Obsessed With Me
41: Princess Bibliophile
42: The Duchess With An Empty Soul
43: I Stole The Male Lead's First Night
44: Your Majesty, Please Don't Kill Me Again
45: I Became The Wife Of The Monstrous Crown Prince
46: The Magical Revolution Of The Reincarnated Princess And The Genius Young Lady
47: My Fiancé Is In Love With My Little Sister
48: The Monster Duchess And Contract Princess
49: The Two-Faced Princess
50: I'm the Villainess, So I'm Taming the Final Boss
51: Miss Not-So Sidekick
52: No Place for the Fake Princess
53: The Archvillain's Daughter In Law
54: I Became The Wife Of The Male Lead
55: The One Within The Villainess
56: What's Wrong with Being the Villainess
57: A Stepmother's Märchen
58: I Will Seduce the Northern Duke
59: The Duchess Has a Deathwish
60: Tearmoon Empire
61: Is It a Fortune or Is It a Woe
62: Sigrid
63: Wished you were dead
64: Joou Ophiria yo, Onore no Shi no Nazo wo Toke
65: The Tyrant Wants to Live a Virtuous Life
66: The Daughter of the Albert House Wishes for Ruin
67: Dear nemesis
68: The Song Of Theodor
69: Marriage Alliance For Revenge
70: Knight Of The Frozen Flower
71: Carnephelia’S Curse Is Never Ending
72: Please Marry Me Again, Husband!
73: My Father, The Possessive Demi-God
74: The Runaway Lead Lives Next Door
75: I Will Take The Duchy From Today
76: Royal Marriage
78: I Will Seduce The Male Lead For My Older Brother
79: Sister, I Am The Queen In This Life
80: The One Within The Villainess
81: Resetting Lady
82: I Think I Have Transmigrated Somewhere
83: What Happens When The Second Male Lead Powers Up
84: The Duchess Has A Deathwish
85: For My Derelict Beloved
86: Ashtarte
87: I Thought It Was A Fantasy Romance, But It’S A Horror Story
88: I Awoke As An Imprisoned Villainess
89: I Became The Male Lead’S Female Friend
90: I Became the Male Lead's Adopted Daughter
91: Becoming The Obsessive Male Lead’S Ex-Wife
92: Marriage Of Convenience
93: While You’Re In Love
94: From A Knight To A Lady
95: Crash on paradise
96: I’M The Wife Of The Yandere Second Male Lead
97: The Price Is Your Everything
98: The Villainous Family Is Against Independence
99: I Don't Want The Male Lead's Child
100: I Thought It Was A Fantasy Romance, But It’S A Horror Story
101: I Awoke As An Imprisoned Villainess
102: Obsidian Bride
103: Precious Girl Does Not Shed Tear
104: It Was Love At First Sight, Mr. Villain!
submitted by Mana_Croissant to OtomeIsekai [link] [comments]
Here is the list of OIs i have read to this day.
1: Hamefura
2: Death Is The Only Ending For The Villainess
3: Who Made Me A Princess
4: The Villainess Reverses The Hourglass
5: Remarried Empress (dropped because I dislike both Navier and her boring love interest)
6: Beware Of The Villainess! (dropped because I find Nine to be very unlikeable and bad for a ML)
7: The Villainess Lives Twice
8: Kill The Villainess
9: I Favor The Villainess
10: Please Bully Me Miss Villainess
11: Holy Grail of Eris
12: Raeliana
13: Roxanna
14: Your Throne
15: Survive As The Hero's Wife
16: I’Ll Be The Matriarch In This Life
17: Father, I Don’T Want To Get Married!
18: When I Traveled To Another World I Was Forced To Be The Princess Of The City
19: Untouchable Lady
20: What It Means To Be You
21: Actually, I Was The Real One
22: Endo And Kobayashi’S Live Commentary On The Villainess
23: May I Ask For One Final Thing?
24: Just Leave Me Be
25: My Observational Diary Of Elena Evoy
26: The World Of Otome Games Is Tough For Mobs
27: My Three Tyrant Brothers
28: Villainess Level 99 ~I May Be The Hidden Boss But I'm Not The Demon Lord
29: The Most Heretical Last Boss Queen Who Will Become The Source Of Tragedy Will Devote Herself For The Sake Of The People
30: Akuyaku Reijou No Shitsuji-Sama Hametsu
31: I'm Stanning The Prince
32:The Plain And Unnoticeable Me Is No More
33: My Death Flags Show No Sign Of Ending
34: The Twin Siblings’ New Life
35: Regina Rena – To The Unforgiven
36: I've Become The Villainous Empress Of A Novel
37: If You Touch My Little Brother, You’Re All Dead
38: Survive Romance
39: The Kind Older Sister Is No More
40: The Strongest Characters In The World Are Obsessed With Me
41: Princess Bibliophile
42: The Duchess With An Empty Soul
43: I Stole The Male Lead's First Night
44: Your Majesty, Please Don't Kill Me Again
45: I Became The Wife Of The Monstrous Crown Prince
46: The Magical Revolution Of The Reincarnated Princess And The Genius Young Lady
47: My Fiancé Is In Love With My Little Sister
48: The Monster Duchess And Contract Princess
49: The Two-Faced Princess
50: I'm the Villainess, So I'm Taming the Final Boss
51: Miss Not-So Sidekick
52: No Place for the Fake Princess
53: The Archvillain's Daughter In Law
54: I Became The Wife Of The Male Lead
55: The One Within The Villainess
56: What's Wrong with Being the Villainess
57: A Stepmother's Märchen
58: I Will Seduce the Northern Duke
59: The Duchess Has a Deathwish
60: Tearmoon Empire
61: Is It a Fortune or Is It a Woe
62: Sigrid
63: Wished you were dead
64: Joou Ophiria yo, Onore no Shi no Nazo wo Toke
65: The Tyrant Wants to Live a Virtuous Life
66: The Daughter of the Albert House Wishes for Ruin
67: Dear nemesis
68: The Song Of Theodor
69: Marriage Alliance For Revenge
70: Knight Of The Frozen Flower
71: Carnephelia’S Curse Is Never Ending
72: Please Marry Me Again, Husband!
73: My Father, The Possessive Demi-God
74: The Runaway Lead Lives Next Door
75: I Will Take The Duchy From Today
76: Royal Marriage
78: I Will Seduce The Male Lead For My Older Brother
79: Sister, I Am The Queen In This Life
80: The One Within The Villainess
81: Resetting Lady
82: I Think I Have Transmigrated Somewhere
83: What Happens When The Second Male Lead Powers Up
84: The Duchess Has A Deathwish
85: For My Derelict Beloved
86: Ashtarte
87: I Thought It Was A Fantasy Romance, But It’S A Horror Story
88: I Awoke As An Imprisoned Villainess
89: I Became The Male Lead’S Female Friend
90: I Became the Male Lead's Adopted Daughter
91: Becoming The Obsessive Male Lead’S Ex-Wife
92: Marriage Of Convenience
93: While You’Re In Love
94: From A Knight To A Lady
95: Crash on paradise
96: I’M The Wife Of The Yandere Second Male Lead
97: The Price Is Your Everything
98: The Villainous Family Is Against Independence
99: I Don't Want The Male Lead's Child
100: I Thought It Was A Fantasy Romance, But It’S A Horror Story
101: I Awoke As An Imprisoned Villainess
102: Obsidian Bride
103: Precious Girl Does Not Shed Tear
104: It Was Love At First Sight, Mr. Villain!
2024.05.16 00:21 KarlosHungus36 "When did you last speak with her?"/"The boys found this, on the floor in back of the Caddy."
 | "When did you last speak with her?" submitted by KarlosHungus36 to twinpeaks [link] [comments] P14 Gordon asks Diane about her half sister Jane. 'speak' -- Peaks. Shortly before that, Albert told Tammy about Lois Duffy and mentioned that she did not have a twin sister (Tammy said 'conjured' alt 'conjoined;' an alt version of Duffys are twins? link to 'doubleheader in Vegas?'); so we have twin & alt 'speak' mentioned close together (alt 'Twin Peaks'). Twin alt 'twine' - Diane on the chair, alt bound like Laura was in the cabin? Finley's 'Fine' Twine, alt 'fair' city. The FBI room is alt Jacque's cabin? Gordon alt Jacques (alt Cousteau, alt team on underwater expedition, 'before I came up'), Albert alt Leo, Tammy alt Ronette. A couple times the trio were waiting for Diane to arrive ("Diane's on her way" P12 and P14), alt trio by the Corvette waiting for Laura; Diane when she came in talked about Cooper returning and raping her, Cooper is alt James and she's alt Laura? (visual with Cooper kissing Diane). So Diane & Cooper blend into the roles of James & Laura, FBI team alt the trio on the night of Laura's death. Gordon alt Jacques - 'high school sandwich,' P9 Gordon stands between Tammy and Diane, alt they are smoking outside the HS, Bill a HS principal is questioned in the next scene, Bobby linked directly to the TP HS in the previous scene, Lucy was just eating a giant sandwich; conference room alt a teacher's lounge, grown up Bobby alt the assistant principal (alt Betty) the assistant to Bill? Frank alt the principal? his office alt the principal's office? and a link between Bill Hastings and Frank Truman? more below. FBI trio alt trio of Jacques (Gordon), Leo (Albert) & Ronette (Tammy). Waiting for Laura alt Diane 'on her way'; Diane sits on the chair alt 'bound' like Laura. "The boys found this, on the floor in back of the Caddy." Mulholland Dr., Detective Neal Domgaard played by Brent Briscoe (Dave Macklay) - his boys found a pearl earring inside the Cadillac at the scene of the car accident, belonging to Rita/Camilla. P1, Detectives Harrison and Macklay arrive to the Hastings home with 'the boys' and search Bill's house and car. Phyllis is not happy about it, turns to look inside and we get a long look at her pearl earring {Phyllis alt Rita? killed at her home, alt from the hit in MD; MrC alt the hitman "you did good...you follow human nature perfectly" cryptic comment, similar to Joe at Winkie's "when it's finished you'll find this where I told you."}. The other detective in MD, Harry McKnight, played by Forster (Frank Truman). P5 Frank's wife Doris storms into Hawk's office and complains and berates Frank about various issues at the house, she's alt Phyllis, Frank alt the husband? (in Bill's spot, see above). Macklay says that he knows Bill from high school alt Frank/Forster, his former partner whose prints were found at the crime scene and who he interrogates in P1? (Dave alt 'Neal Macklay'). Mack said Bill's prints were 'all over' Ruth's apartment. P9 Frank is given Garland's 'tube' by Betty, he touches all around it looking for a seam or button to open it (P11 Frank also touches Hawk's map, which had been rolled up like the notes inside the tube). 'Garland's tube' alt to 'Ruth's apartment?' Former contains two notes, latter contained two partial bodies. Officers Olson and Douglas P1 needed help getting into Ruth's apartment, had to go back outside to find maintenance man Hank, alt Frank & Hawk need Bobby's help to open the tube, had to go back outside; an alt version of Bobby, maintenance man at the station? So [Garland's tube] is alt to [Ruth's apartment] (two rolled up notes inside the tube alt bodies; Hawk's map also was rolled up, alt a body? Frank touches it, link to P17 Cooper to Frank "don't touch that body!"). In MD, there's another Ruth (Elms), the girls stay at her apartment and bring back another strange device that opens like the tube - the blue box. Betty, like Frank and the tube touches it all over (a different Betty gave Frank the tube) (maps - Betty & Rita look at a map before going to Sierra Bonita alt Frank & Hawk looking at the map before going to Jack Rabbit's, both scenarios involve long walks leading to bodies - the corpse or Naido; alt - Naido is a map? ("she's alive" alt to Hawk's map being a 'living entity') merges with MrC at death in P17 ("don't touch that body!") (who was also at the same site where Naido was found in P17, before he went to the station) going backwards into the story (like getting rolled back up into a 'map'; alt a rug, Frank Lebowski alt). Garland's 'tube' alt the blue box in MD. Frank touches it all over link to prints all over Ruth's apartment. What's inside the blue box? We see a black void, link to the black symbol on Hawk's map? (might be alt Judy's, where Cooper goes P18, alt he was following the map, curiosity alt 'Caddy?' version where he arrives in a Cadillac in place of the Lincoln Towncar (link to the Chevy dealership P5); link to Blue Velvet, Kyle's character was just 'really curious;' killed the cat, Judy alt a cat? black?). Alt - the blue box was found by Macklay's boys at the crime scene (in MD the box ends up in Ruth's apartment and in P1 the crime scene is also in a Ruth's apartment); scenario where Macklay has it but can't open it? P1 Constance running prints at her computer, monitor black and blue background alt it's the box itself? (Rita's fingers alt Constance's in the POV shot) (the box also analyzes things? link to the glass box in the same part, [computer processing softly] in captions, Tammy is paired with Macklay P11 brining coffee and donuts, alt Tracey with Sam, Mack has the box alt Sam and the glass box; computeequipment also linked to the FBI's hotel room, inside of Diane's purse POV alt inside the box; inside/out in flux?). Constance, besides running analyses, holds Garland's body, alt there's a body inside the box? (layer collapses - with no Constance, the box itself = a body? link to Betty vanishing in a collapsed layer? corresponds with Frank finding the tube, no Betty? maybe merged with Hawk, alt finding the tube inside something in place of the pages). Rita opens the box in MD - numerous parallels between her and Cooper from the perspective of Watts (Betty or Janey-E), alt it's who Cooper opens it? (Pilot: Cooper and Harry in the conference room try to open Laura's diary, which was hidden in her bedroom alt the box hidden in Ruth's bedroom closet, but no key for the diary, so Dale just breaks its open, link to P9 and the tube which they couldn't open. Opening the box sends him to Judy's (possible link to the map symbol) and combines his 'head' with Garland's body? He wakes up at the hospital in Las Vegas (female doctor alt Constance overseeing Garland's body in Buckhorn) ('Headley' alt to 'Macklay?' LV vs Buckhorn versions; Headly signifies a 'head' level of the story? Mack signifies a 'truck' level, or world? world of truck 'drivers' alt doppelgangers? Cooper P2 looks out of the red room and sees his doppelganger (who is 'in Buckhorn') driving, alt a truck). Two mountain peaks behind clouds in P5 alt Blue Pine Mountain & White Tail Peak? The cross symbol alt the Chevy logo. Cooper P18 alt driving (in 'Caddy' in place of Towncar) looking for Judy's alt black symbol on the map. Blue box alt Constance's computer; black and blue. Macklay alt has the box from the crime scene. Summary: Macklay (alt Neal) and his boys find the box at the crime scene from P1, old partner's prints (alt Frank) are on it, Cooper (alt Lt Knox) arrives to investigate and alt to him and Harry in S1 and the diary in the conference room (and link to Hawk's map and the 'Judy' symbol also in the conference room), he opens it using force, transports him to a world where he's the 'head' that combines with someone else's body (which was inside or represented by the box). Since Ruth Davenport's head is combined with Garland's body in P1, is Cooper is alt 'Ruth?' [Both Ruths are red haired like Lt Knox (also like Linney James who walked down the hallway at Universal Studios like Cindy Knox at the morgue in Buckhorn), alt Cooper in her spot who was sent by Gordon alt Col Davis?]. Ruth link to 'Roth' (Tim)? Hutch in P9 parallels the maintenance man Hank in P1 (both have mystery bags and stand by trucks); maintenance man also alt Bobby who broke open the box outside with force alt using tools, in place of Dale in the conference room forcing open the diary. {P5 Doris "I told you this!" link to 'Soulja Boy I told you' (soak link), Crank That; next scene P5 a boy Sonny Jim alt Soulja (dance link to Teach Me How To Dougie); Cooper P4 alt a maintenance man in the Jones kitchen fixing something? links between Briggs and Jones houses (visual 1 and visual 2); Garland mentions his soul when he went to the white lodge, returns home in S2 parallel to Cooper P18. So 'soul' linked to the Jones house and Cooper's presence there, alt Ruth/Roth}. Alt to a simple head & body (opener of box and box) - soul and body? Or soul and mind? Alt - a golden box represents a soul? (close to the cardboard box in P11?). Box or cube alt to the spherical 'seed?' The vehicle (shape like box or tube) represents a physical body, inside it (alt an apartment) or merged with the soul; which is 'opened' by a 'mind'? P17 - Gordon says that Jeffries was on to Judy (alt looking the place indicated by the black symbol on the map) and that Garland and Cooper were also onto Judy. Jeffries no longer exists, at least not in the normal sense, alt he lost his mind? Cooper takes over as the 'mind' (or alt curiosity) who combines with the soul (Garland) to continue the quest for Judy? A story with Cooper alt Roth, literal maintenance man, fixes something in the Jones house/kitchen (link to Hawk stopping by to check in on and help Sarah who is a widow), has or acquires the soul of her late husband? 'Mend' (to repair) alt 'mind'; Cooper following in the footsteps of Jeffries, literal repair man in the body of Roth/Hutch alt 'apartment' of Ruth ('story' alt body; two stories alluded to by Charlie, link to "3 bodies?" Lorraine, alt 3 stories?). Summary 2: repair main has or acquires the soul of late husband, falls in love with a widow, named Judy? Flip side: curiosity killed the cat, named Judy, black cat? (alt the bum in MD?) Like a black trap that a curious person falls into; alt scenario - Cooper (alt Jeffery, in BV?) digs up dirt on the girl he's falling for, which ends up killing the romance? Link to Diane in S3 "none of your fucking business" she's alt Sandy if the romance with Jeffery didn't pan out. Hallway walks, Lt Knox parallels Linney James. -P9 outside in the parking lot Bobby throws the tube against the ground, police cars blue and black in the lot link, to the blue box in MD (black void inside), 'throwing' link to the Mitchums (Bradley doesn't trust that rat fuck Anthony as far as he can throw a car), Frank & Hawk alt the brothers who can't open the box; Candie alt Bobby their sidekick, link to Castigliane Brother; Bobby alt or 'Bobby Mitchum?' (brothers Brad & Rod, B & R, alt Betty and Rita?). Mitchums place P10, has pool alt to Adam's house on MD, alt they have the blue box or something similaalt and can't open it? (gold box? similar to the cardboard box Cooper brings P11, alt he's the tool man who helps them open it). Mitchum brothers alt Frank & Hawk; or alt 'Bobby Mitchum' opens the device (alt a box), Brad & Rod, B & R, alt Betty & Rita? Cooper P11 brings the cardboard box and it's opened, alt helps them open a box? -P9, Dave Macklay walks at the morgue and tells Albert details around the body (alt Gerard walks with Cooper), says Ruth's head was 'atop' the body of Major Briggs. 'atop' alt stop, link to Richard, alt Richard and Linda as the body & head? Richard and Linda - 'ra' and 'la' missing a 'u' to make 'Laura?' alt version where Laura is found dead in bed in her room? Pete finds corpse in the Pilot, alt he's her younger brother? "oh dear" calls the sheriff etc. parents not home, on road trip alt Gordon (alt Garland) and Diane (alt wife Betty) traveling P9 ("is it alright if we make a short trip to Buckhorn"), daughter alt 'Laura Briggs?' The 'U' - link to Silver Mustang? (casino logo is a horseshoe, U). P5, Lucy 7 Insurance L/R with 'u' (alt casino - transition P5 from agency to casino; Mitchum Brothers MB alt Bushnell Mullins BM), with a conference room alt the station P4 (Laura's case evidence spread out). Conference room links to bedroom - rolled up map alt rug in Ruth's, where Dale opens the diary (and where the tube is not opened) alt the blue box. |
2024.05.15 23:51 lightscamerasnaction Delta in-flight movies [March 2024]
I tried to write down every single movie available on my flights in March 2024. I handwrote some of my notes to pass the 13 hours which is why there are ??? when I couldn't read my own writing/abbreviations. Note that not all titles were available on all flights, and my list is missing a chunk of them (especially titles beginning with "S" for some reason). Hope someone finds it useful! Maybe someone will get to creating a Letterboxd list of them all before me! [Posted this in movies and thought delta users might find it useful too]
submitted by lightscamerasnaction to delta [link] [comments]
10 Things I Hate About You
101 Dalmatians
12 Angry Men
13 Going on 30
17 Again
2001: A Space Odyssey
27 Dresses
500 Days of Summer
80 for Brady
A Beautiful Mind
A Bug's Life
A Cinderella Story
A Compassionate Spy
A Fantastic Woman
A Few Good Men
A Good Year
A Haunting in Venice
A League of Their Own
A Room with a View
A Separation
A Simple Plan
A Simple Wish
A.I. Artificial Intelligence
Abominable
Adam's Rib
Airheads
Akeelah and the Bee
Aladdin
Alice Through the Looking Glass
Alvin and the Chipmunks
Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked
American Graffiti
American Street Kid
Amores Perros
An Inconvenient Truth
Anatomy of a Fall
Angels in the Outfield
Aquaman
Assassin Club
Asteroid City
Avatar: Way of Water
Avengers: Infinity War
Back to the Future
Bad Company
Barb and Star: Vista del Mar
Barbie
Batman
Batman Begins
Batman Returns
Batman vs. Superman Dawn
Battle of the Sexes
Beauty and the Beast
Beetlejuice
Being Mary Tyler Moore
Bend it Like Beckham
Better Luck Tomorrow
Big
Big George Foreman
Billy Elliott
Birds of Prey: Harley Quinn
Birthright Outlaw
Blackberry
Blade
Blade II
Blade Runner 2049
Blade Trinity
Blended
Blinded by the Light
Blue Beetle
Bolt
Bottoms
Brave
Brazil
Bridesmaids
Bridget Jones' Diary
Bridget Jones: Edge of Reason
Bring It On
Brown Sugar
Buoyancy
But I'm a Cheerleader
Call Me by Your Name
Carmen Jones
Central Intelligence
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Cheaper by the Dozen
Chevalier
Chicken Run
Child's Play
Children of a Lesser God
Chinatown
Cinderella
Clifford the Big Red Dog
Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs
Clueless
Colossal
Condor's Nest
Cool Hand Luke
Coraline
Couples Retreat
Crazy Rich Asians
Crazy Stupid Love
Creed
Creed II
Crooklyn
Cruella
Chr. G
Dark Waters
Darkest Hour
Dawnland
Dazed and Confused
DC: League of Super Pets
Dear White People
Dee. Boys
Delivery Man
Desperately Seeking Susan
Despicable Me
Despicable Me 2
Despicable Me 3
Diary of a Wimpy Kid
Dret ard
Dr. Doolittle
Down with Love
Dr. Seuss Horton Hears a Who
Dr. Seuss The Grinch
Dr. Grinch The Lorax
Dreamgirls
Drop Dead Gorgeous
Drumline
Due Date
Dumb and Dumber
Dumb Money
Dune
Dunkirk
E.T.
Edge of Tomorrow
Eggs Over Easy
Elemental
Enter the Dragon
E????
Erin Brockovich
Eternals
Evan Almighty
Everest
Everything Everywhere All at Once
Evil Dead Rises
Expendables 4
F9: Fast Saga
Fallen
Fantastic Beasts
Fantastic Beasts: Crimes of Grindewald
Fantastic Beasts: Secrets of Dumbledore
Fargo
F&F: Hobbes and Shaw
Fast X
Father of the Bride
Feramana???
Ferner????
Field of Dreams
Finding Dory
Finding Nemo
First Man
Focus
Following
Fools Rush In
Forrest Gump
Freaky
Freaky Friday
Freelance
Frida
Friday
Frozen 2
Frozen River
Game Night
Gangster Squad
Garfield
Garfield: Tail of 2 Kitties
Get Smart
Ghostbusters
Glass
Glory
Godzilla vs Kong
Going in Style
Good Morning Vietnam
Gosford Park
Grand Torino
Gran Turismo
Gravity
Grease
Grease 2
Gremlins
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 3
Guy Richie's The Covenant
Hacksaw Ridge
Half Nelson
Hanna
Happy Death Day
Happy Feet 2
Harlan County USA
Harold and Kumar: White Castle
Harry Potter 1-8
Haunted Mansion
He's Just Not That Into You
Her
Hereafter
Hocus Pocus
Honor Society
Horrible Bosses
Hotel Transylvania
House Party
How to Be Single
How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
How to Train your Dragon
Hypnotic
I Am Legend
I Didn't See You There
I, Tonya
Ice Age: Collision Course
Ice Age: Continental Drift
Ice Age: Dawn of Dinosaurs
Ice Age: Meltdown
Ice on Fire
If Beale Street Could Talk
In the Heart of the Sea
In the Heights
In the Name of the Father
Inception
Incredibles 2
Indiana Jones: Dial of Destiny
Indiana Jones: Temple of Doom
Insidious: The Red Door
Insomnia
Instructions not INcluded
It
Jerry & Marge Go Large
Jersey Boys
John Wick
John Wick 2
John Wick 3
Joker
Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie
Journey to the Center of the Earth
Judas and the Black Messiah
Jules
Jumanji
Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle
Jurassic Park
Jurassic World
Just Married
Just my Luck
Kazaam
Kit Kittredge
Kramer vs Kramer
Kubo and the Two Strings
Kung Fu Panda
Kung Fu Panda 2
Kung Fu??????
La La Land
Labyrinth
Lady in the Water
Lakota Nation vs United States
Legally Blonde
Liar Liar
Life of the Party
Lightyear
Lilo and Stitch
Lion
Little Women
Living
Lo------
Lone Survivor
Love and Basketball
Love Again
Love Jones
Ma-d_____ ?
Madagascar
Madagascar Escape
Made of Honor
Mafia Mamma
Magic Mike's Last Dance
Malt------
Momma's Boy
Mamma Mia
Mamma Mia Here We Go Again
March of the Penguins
Mat------
Mean Girls
Meet the Parents?
Memento
Michael Clayton
Milk
Minions
Minions: Rise of Gru
Misery
Miss Congeniality
Missing Link
Mission Impossible Dead Reckoning
Mississippi Masala
Moana
Monster In Law
Monsters Inc
Monsters University
Moonlight
Mortal Enemies
Mr. Malcolm's List
Mulan
Mummies
Murder by Numbers
Murder on the Orient Express
Muriel's Wedding
My Animal
My Big Fat Greek Wedding
My Family
My Girl
National Lampoon's Vacation
Neighbors 2
Neruda
New Year's Eve
News of the World
Nights in Rodanthe
Nine Queens
No
No Country for Old Men
No Murches Frida??
Nomadland
Notting Hill
Ocean's 8
Ocean's 13
October Sky
Of tn age??
Once Upon a Time in Hollywood
Onward
Oppenheimer
Origin
Over the Hedge
Pacific Rim
Pandas
Pan's Labyrinth
ParaNorman
Paris is Burning
Past Lives
Paw Patrol: Mighty
Paw Patrol: More
Pee Wee's Big Adventure
Perfect Strangers
Persepolis
Phantom Thread
Pinball: The Man Who Saved the Game
Pitch Perfect
Pitch Perfect 3
Planes
Planes, Trains, and Automobiles
Pokemon: Detective Pikachu
Practical Magic
Pride and Prejudice
Primal Fear
Priscilla
Psycho
Pulp Fiction
Puppy Love
Puss in Boots
Queen and Slim
Radical
RRadi--- Wwi?/
Raging Bull
Ra the Breata?
Rat Race?
Ratatouille
Ready Player One
Real Women Have Curves
Red Tails
Reforge
Renfield
Repo Man
Rocky
Ruby Gillman
Rumor Has It
Rush Hour 2
RV
Róise & Frank
Sacfint??
Saving Face
Saving Private Ryan
School Daze
Scoob!
Scooby Doo
Scrapper
Scream VI
Searching
Selena
Selma
Semi Pro
Seven
Shaft
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
Significant Other
?
?
Skyfall
Smallfoot
Smoke?
Snowpiercer
?
Something's Gotta Give
?
?
Soul Surfer
Space Jam
Space Oddity
Sp Ra ????
Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse
Spider-Man: Homecoming
Spider-Man Into the Spider-Verse
Split
Spy Game?
Spy Kids
Stone and D????
Ste W s5t?
Stomp the Yard
Storks
Sweet Home Alabama
Tag
Talk to Me
Tangled
Tee as Go!??
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Tenet
The Adia Prse?
The Angry Black Girl and Her Monster
The Baby-Sitters Club
The Best Man
The Big Lebowski
The Big Short
The Biggest Little Farm
The Bird Cage
The Blind Side
The Blues Brothers
The Bodyguard
The Boogeyman
The Book of Life
The Boss Baby: Family Business
The Bourne Identity
The Boxer
The Breakfast Club
The Bucket List
The Caine Mutiny
The Campaign
The Castle
The Chronicles of Narnia
The Chronicles of Narnia 2
The Chronicles of Narnia 3
The Creator
The Croods New Age
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
The Dark Knight Rises
The Dark Side
The Dead Don't Die
The Dry?
The Equalizer
The Exorcist: Believer
The Fabulous Filipino Brothers
The Fast and Furious (#1)
The S Heartbeats?
The Has???
The Gentlemen
The Good Nurse
The Goonies
The Great Wall
The Guard
The Harvest (La Cosecha)
The H????
The Hobbit
The Hobbit 2
The Hobbit 3
The Holdovers
The Hunger Games: Ballad of Snakes and Songbirds
The Hunger Games
The Hunger Games 2
The Hunger Games 3
The Hunger Games 4
The Hunt for Red October
The Huntsman: Winter’s War
The Incredibles
The Intern
The Invention of Lying
The Iron Giant
The Island
The Jungle Book
The Karate Kid
The Kids are Alright
The Lake House
The Land Before Time
The Last Out
The Last Samurai
The Lego Batman Movie
The Lego Movie
The Lesson
The Lion King
The Lion King
The Little Mermaid
The Little Mermaid
The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship
The Losers
The Man from UNCLE
The Marsh King’s Doughter
The Marvels
The Matrix: Resurrections
The Mitchells vs The Machines
The Mummy
The Neverending Story
The Nice Guys
The Nun II
The Odd Life of Timothy Green
The Other Zoey
The Outsiders
The Peanuts Movie
The Persian Version
The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything
The Place Beyond the Pines
The Popes Exorcist
The Pre--?
The Purge: Election Year
The Replacements
The Ring
The Secret Garden
The Secret Life of Pets
The Silence of the Lambs
The S --------
The ?
The ?
The ?
The ?
The ?
The Take
The Time Traveler's Wife
The True Cost
The Umbrellas of Cherbourg
The Un---- Country
The Usual Suspects
The ???
The ????
The ?????
The Wedding Singer
The Wizard of Oz
The Wood
The Zookeeper's Wife
Theater Camp
Them---?
There Will Be Blood
Thurs?
Titanic
To Kill a Mockingbird
Tooooo?
Tom ??
Tommy Boy
Top Gun
Top Gun: Maverick
Toy Story 2
Toy Story 3
Toy Story 4
Train to Busan
Training Day
Transformers Rise
Trolls
Trolls World Tour
Troy
Tully
Turning Red
Umami
Us
??
V for Vendetta
V????
VeggieTales: Abe and the Amazing Promise
VeggieTales: Merry Larry and the True Light of Christmas
Vindicta
Vivo
Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit
War Dogs
We Were Soldiers
We're the Millers
Wedding Crashers
West Side Story
Wet Hot American Summer
Where the Wild Things Are
Wildhood
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
Winters Bone
Wonder
Wonder Woman 1984
Wonka
Wreck It Ralph
Yes, Man
Yesterday
Young Punx: A Punk Parable
Zombieland
2024.05.15 23:48 lightscamerasnaction Delta in-flight movies list
I tried to write down every single movie available on my Delta flights in March 2024. I handwrote some of my notes to pass the 13 hours which is why there are ??? when I couldn't read my own writing/abbreviations. Note that not all titles were available on all flights, and my list is missing a chunk of them (especially titles beginning with "S" for some reason). Hope someone finds it useful! Maybe someone will get to creating a Letterboxd list of them all before me!
submitted by lightscamerasnaction to movies [link] [comments]
10 Things I Hate About You
101 Dalmatians
12 Angry Men
13 Going on 30
17 Again
2001: A Space Odyssey
27 Dresses
500 Days of Summer
80 for Brady
A Beautiful Mind
A Bug's Life
A Cinderella Story
A Compassionate Spy
A Fantastic Woman
A Few Good Men
A Good Year
A Haunting in Venice
A League of Their Own
A Room with a View
A Separation
A Simple Plan
A Simple Wish
A.I. Artificial Intelligence
Abominable
Adam's Rib
Airheads
Akeelah and the Bee
Aladdin
Alice Through the Looking Glass
Alvin and the Chipmunks
Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked
American Graffiti
American Street Kid
Amores Perros
An Inconvenient Truth
Anatomy of a Fall
Angels in the Outfield
Aquaman
Assassin Club
Asteroid City
Avatar: Way of Water
Avengers: Infinity War
Back to the Future
Bad Company
Barb and Star: Vista del Mar
Barbie
Batman
Batman Begins
Batman Returns
Batman vs. Superman Dawn
Battle of the Sexes
Beauty and the Beast
Beetlejuice
Being Mary Tyler Moore
Bend it Like Beckham
Better Luck Tomorrow
Big
Big George Foreman
Billy Elliott
Birds of Prey: Harley Quinn
Birthright Outlaw
Blackberry
Blade
Blade II
Blade Runner 2049
Blade Trinity
Blended
Blinded by the Light
Blue Beetle
Bolt
Bottoms
Brave
Brazil
Bridesmaids
Bridget Jones' Diary
Bridget Jones: Edge of Reason
Bring It On
Brown Sugar
Buoyancy
But I'm a Cheerleader
Call Me by Your Name
Carmen Jones
Central Intelligence
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Cheaper by the Dozen
Chevalier
Chicken Run
Child's Play
Children of a Lesser God
Chinatown
Cinderella
Clifford the Big Red Dog
Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs
Clueless
Colossal
Condor's Nest
Cool Hand Luke
Coraline
Couples Retreat
Crazy Rich Asians
Crazy Stupid Love
Creed
Creed II
Crooklyn
Cruella
Chr. G
Dark Waters
Darkest Hour
Dawnland
Dazed and Confused
DC: League of Super Pets
Dear White People
Dee. Boys
Delivery Man
Desperately Seeking Susan
Despicable Me
Despicable Me 2
Despicable Me 3
Diary of a Wimpy Kid
Dret ard
Dr. Doolittle
Down with Love
Dr. Seuss Horton Hears a Who
Dr. Seuss The Grinch
Dr. Grinch The Lorax
Dreamgirls
Drop Dead Gorgeous
Drumline
Due Date
Dumb and Dumber
Dumb Money
Dune
Dunkirk
E.T.
Edge of Tomorrow
Eggs Over Easy
Elemental
Enter the Dragon
E????
Erin Brockovich
Eternals
Evan Almighty
Everest
Everything Everywhere All at Once
Evil Dead Rises
Expendables 4
F9: Fast Saga
Fallen
Fantastic Beasts
Fantastic Beasts: Crimes of Grindewald
Fantastic Beasts: Secrets of Dumbledore
Fargo
F&F: Hobbes and Shaw
Fast X
Father of the Bride
Feramana???
Ferner????
Field of Dreams
Finding Dory
Finding Nemo
First Man
Focus
Following
Fools Rush In
Forrest Gump
Freaky
Freaky Friday
Freelance
Frida
Friday
Frozen 2
Frozen River
Game Night
Gangster Squad
Garfield
Garfield: Tail of 2 Kitties
Get Smart
Ghostbusters
Glass
Glory
Godzilla vs Kong
Going in Style
Good Morning Vietnam
Gosford Park
Grand Torino
Gran Turismo
Gravity
Grease
Grease 2
Gremlins
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 3
Guy Richie's The Covenant
Hacksaw Ridge
Half Nelson
Hanna
Happy Death Day
Happy Feet 2
Harlan County USA
Harold and Kumar: White Castle
Harry Potter 1-8
Haunted Mansion
He's Just Not That Into You
Her
Hereafter
Hocus Pocus
Honor Society
Horrible Bosses
Hotel Transylvania
House Party
How to Be Single
How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
How to Train your Dragon
Hypnotic
I Am Legend
I Didn't See You There
I, Tonya
Ice Age: Collision Course
Ice Age: Continental Drift
Ice Age: Dawn of Dinosaurs
Ice Age: Meltdown
Ice on Fire
If Beale Street Could Talk
In the Heart of the Sea
In the Heights
In the Name of the Father
Inception
Incredibles 2
Indiana Jones: Dial of Destiny
Indiana Jones: Temple of Doom
Insidious: The Red Door
Insomnia
Instructions not INcluded
It
Jerry & Marge Go Large
Jersey Boys
John Wick
John Wick 2
John Wick 3
Joker
Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie
Journey to the Center of the Earth
Judas and the Black Messiah
Jules
Jumanji
Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle
Jurassic Park
Jurassic World
Just Married
Just my Luck
Kazaam
Kit Kittredge
Kramer vs Kramer
Kubo and the Two Strings
Kung Fu Panda
Kung Fu Panda 2
Kung Fu??????
La La Land
Labyrinth
Lady in the Water
Lakota Nation vs United States
Legally Blonde
Liar Liar
Life of the Party
Lightyear
Lilo and Stitch
Lion
Little Women
Living
Lo------
Lone Survivor
Love and Basketball
Love Again
Love Jones
Ma-d_____ ?
Madagascar
Madagascar Escape
Made of Honor
Mafia Mamma
Magic Mike's Last Dance
Malt------
Momma's Boy
Mamma Mia
Mamma Mia Here We Go Again
March of the Penguins
Mat------
Mean Girls
Meet the Parents?
Memento
Michael Clayton
Milk
Minions
Minions: Rise of Gru
Misery
Miss Congeniality
Missing Link
Mission Impossible Dead Reckoning
Mississippi Masala
Moana
Monster In Law
Monsters Inc
Monsters University
Moonlight
Mortal Enemies
Mr. Malcolm's List
Mulan
Mummies
Murder by Numbers
Murder on the Orient Express
Muriel's Wedding
My Animal
My Big Fat Greek Wedding
My Family
My Girl
National Lampoon's Vacation
Neighbors 2
Neruda
New Year's Eve
News of the World
Nights in Rodanthe
Nine Queens
No
No Country for Old Men
No Murches Frida??
Nomadland
Notting Hill
Ocean's 8
Ocean's 13
October Sky
Of tn age??
Once Upon a Time in Hollywood
Onward
Oppenheimer
Origin
Over the Hedge
Pacific Rim
Pandas
Pan's Labyrinth
ParaNorman
Paris is Burning
Past Lives
Paw Patrol: Mighty
Paw Patrol: More
Pee Wee's Big Adventure
Perfect Strangers
Persepolis
Phantom Thread
Pinball: The Man Who Saved the Game
Pitch Perfect
Pitch Perfect 3
Planes
Planes, Trains, and Automobiles
Pokemon: Detective Pikachu
Practical Magic
Pride and Prejudice
Primal Fear
Priscilla
Psycho
Pulp Fiction
Puppy Love
Puss in Boots
Queen and Slim
Radical
RRadi--- Wwi?/
Raging Bull
Ra the Breata?
Rat Race?
Ratatouille
Ready Player One
Real Women Have Curves
Red Tails
Reforge
Renfield
Repo Man
Rocky
Ruby Gillman
Rumor Has It
Rush Hour 2
RV
Róise & Frank
Sacfint??
Saving Face
Saving Private Ryan
School Daze
Scoob!
Scooby Doo
Scrapper
Scream VI
Searching
Selena
Selma
Semi Pro
Seven
Shaft
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
Significant Other
?
?
Skyfall
Smallfoot
Smoke?
Snowpiercer
?
Something's Gotta Give
?
?
Soul Surfer
Space Jam
Space Oddity
Sp Ra ????
Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse
Spider-Man: Homecoming
Spider-Man Into the Spider-Verse
Split
Spy Game?
Spy Kids
Stone and D????
Ste W s5t?
Stomp the Yard
Storks
Sweet Home Alabama
Tag
Talk to Me
Tangled
Tee as Go!??
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Tenet
The Adia Prse?
The Angry Black Girl and Her Monster
The Baby-Sitters Club
The Best Man
The Big Lebowski
The Big Short
The Biggest Little Farm
The Bird Cage
The Blind Side
The Blues Brothers
The Bodyguard
The Boogeyman
The Book of Life
The Boss Baby: Family Business
The Bourne Identity
The Boxer
The Breakfast Club
The Bucket List
The Caine Mutiny
The Campaign
The Castle
The Chronicles of Narnia
The Chronicles of Narnia 2
The Chronicles of Narnia 3
The Creator
The Croods New Age
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
The Dark Knight Rises
The Dark Side
The Dead Don't Die
The Dry?
The Equalizer
The Exorcist: Believer
The Fabulous Filipino Brothers
The Fast and Furious (#1)
The S Heartbeats?
The Has???
The Gentlemen
The Good Nurse
The Goonies
The Great Wall
The Guard
The Harvest (La Cosecha)
The H????
The Hobbit
The Hobbit 2
The Hobbit 3
The Holdovers
The Hunger Games: Ballad of Snakes and Songbirds
The Hunger Games
The Hunger Games 2
The Hunger Games 3
The Hunger Games 4
The Hunt for Red October
The Huntsman: Winter’s War
The Incredibles
The Intern
The Invention of Lying
The Iron Giant
The Island
The Jungle Book
The Karate Kid
The Kids are Alright
The Lake House
The Land Before Time
The Last Out
The Last Samurai
The Lego Batman Movie
The Lego Movie
The Lesson
The Lion King
The Lion King
The Little Mermaid
The Little Mermaid
The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship
The Losers
The Man from UNCLE
The Marsh King’s Doughter
The Marvels
The Matrix: Resurrections
The Mitchells vs The Machines
The Mummy
The Neverending Story
The Nice Guys
The Nun II
The Odd Life of Timothy Green
The Other Zoey
The Outsiders
The Peanuts Movie
The Persian Version
The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything
The Place Beyond the Pines
The Popes Exorcist
The Pre--?
The Purge: Election Year
The Replacements
The Ring
The Secret Garden
The Secret Life of Pets
The Silence of the Lambs
The S --------
The ?
The ?
The ?
The ?
The ?
The Take
The Time Traveler's Wife
The True Cost
The Umbrellas of Cherbourg
The Un---- Country
The Usual Suspects
The ???
The ????
The ?????
The Wedding Singer
The Wizard of Oz
The Wood
The Zookeeper's Wife
Theater Camp
Them---?
There Will Be Blood
Thurs?
Titanic
To Kill a Mockingbird
Tooooo?
Tom ??
Tommy Boy
Top Gun
Top Gun: Maverick
Toy Story 2
Toy Story 3
Toy Story 4
Train to Busan
Training Day
Transformers Rise
Trolls
Trolls World Tour
Troy
Tully
Turning Red
Umami
Us
??
V for Vendetta
V????
VeggieTales: Abe and the Amazing Promise
VeggieTales: Merry Larry and the True Light of Christmas
Vindicta
Vivo
Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit
War Dogs
We Were Soldiers
We're the Millers
Wedding Crashers
West Side Story
Wet Hot American Summer
Where the Wild Things Are
Wildhood
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
Winters Bone
Wonder
Wonder Woman 1984
Wonka
Wreck It Ralph
Yes, Man
Yesterday
Young Punx: A Punk Parable
Zombieland
2024.05.15 22:10 sickmarmaladegrandpa throwback aesthetic: pop punk music videos
 |
|
2024.05.15 22:01 Local-Story-449 Supreme leader is gonna die.
A very weird ass theory came to my mind, while watching Akash Banerjee's latest video on the duality of Modi, followed by ours truly Thapar's interview with Parakala Prabhakar which said, even by conservative estimates, BJP NDA will barely breach the majority mark.
Yogendra Yadav's 'pulse of the ground report' (for the lack of a better term) in various states all across the country projects even worse figures for NDA.
We have seen countless poll violations recent one being Shyam Rangeela the comedian being denied nomination from Varanasi, as well the the complete lack of transparency from the Election Commission to confirm they're in bed with the NDA, and yet hacking ALL EVMs as well as with Form 17A issued to all candidates and civil society already pushing back against ECs, while voters keeping a keen eye on the process as well (remember random ass people from all over the city protesting against EVMs only few weeks ago?), best they can do and are doing right now is not release the data in a timely fashion.
Coming back to duality of Modi the serial bullshiter, the utter horseshit wrapped in catshit he's been spitting all over his campaigns and his interviews besides the usual bs, is indicative of a relatively new phenomenon, the narrative has slipped from BhaJiPao and INDIA alliance is capitalising on it.
What we might be forgetting here is who we're dealing with- these people created situations for Pulawama to respond with Balakot to garner votes based on Nationalism for winning 2019 LS elections, demonistised 80% notes in circulation to win UP LS '17, legalised corruption via the Electoral Bonds, this is the same man who kept the Godhra accident bogey for public view for weeks, insinuating the Gujarat Riots, has an IAS in a cell for him calling Modi out on his stalking of a woman (check my previous post in this sub).
Arun Shourie in an interview with Mr. Thapar called Modi being in the 'dark triad' after meeting him.
These aren't the type of people who would let go of their power, Mr. Prabhakar's closing words in the interview linked above said 'dictators usually end up in a cell or the coffin.' And tbf the overplaying of Sangh Parivar over Modi-Shah duo will definitely harbour a lot of resentment, there's been talks amid the BJP that Modi is saying 'uut pataang baatein' (bs). There was another rumour stating he's in a withdrawal from attention enhancing drugs, but I cannot confirm or deny that.
The biggest problem BJPee faces rn is the skeletons that have been buried by the Modi-Shah which are going to cost the savarna politics dearly, likely for decades, to keep them there would be an uphill battle even if they pull a 'Fadnavis' (making him CM at 5 AM for enough time to avert a corruption scandal).
All in all it seems highly likely Modi is a goner either by his own doing or by the Parivar's, heck they can even use it to milk sympathy to distract us from those skeletons, or even votes (but heck 70% votes have been casted already, but you never know).
submitted by Local-Story-449 to librandu [link] [comments]
Yogendra Yadav's 'pulse of the ground report' (for the lack of a better term) in various states all across the country projects even worse figures for NDA.
We have seen countless poll violations recent one being Shyam Rangeela the comedian being denied nomination from Varanasi, as well the the complete lack of transparency from the Election Commission to confirm they're in bed with the NDA, and yet hacking ALL EVMs as well as with Form 17A issued to all candidates and civil society already pushing back against ECs, while voters keeping a keen eye on the process as well (remember random ass people from all over the city protesting against EVMs only few weeks ago?), best they can do and are doing right now is not release the data in a timely fashion.
Coming back to duality of Modi the serial bullshiter, the utter horseshit wrapped in catshit he's been spitting all over his campaigns and his interviews besides the usual bs, is indicative of a relatively new phenomenon, the narrative has slipped from BhaJiPao and INDIA alliance is capitalising on it.
What we might be forgetting here is who we're dealing with- these people created situations for Pulawama to respond with Balakot to garner votes based on Nationalism for winning 2019 LS elections, demonistised 80% notes in circulation to win UP LS '17, legalised corruption via the Electoral Bonds, this is the same man who kept the Godhra accident bogey for public view for weeks, insinuating the Gujarat Riots, has an IAS in a cell for him calling Modi out on his stalking of a woman (check my previous post in this sub).
Arun Shourie in an interview with Mr. Thapar called Modi being in the 'dark triad' after meeting him.
These aren't the type of people who would let go of their power, Mr. Prabhakar's closing words in the interview linked above said 'dictators usually end up in a cell or the coffin.' And tbf the overplaying of Sangh Parivar over Modi-Shah duo will definitely harbour a lot of resentment, there's been talks amid the BJP that Modi is saying 'uut pataang baatein' (bs). There was another rumour stating he's in a withdrawal from attention enhancing drugs, but I cannot confirm or deny that.
The biggest problem BJPee faces rn is the skeletons that have been buried by the Modi-Shah which are going to cost the savarna politics dearly, likely for decades, to keep them there would be an uphill battle even if they pull a 'Fadnavis' (making him CM at 5 AM for enough time to avert a corruption scandal).
All in all it seems highly likely Modi is a goner either by his own doing or by the Parivar's, heck they can even use it to milk sympathy to distract us from those skeletons, or even votes (but heck 70% votes have been casted already, but you never know).
2024.05.15 20:18 Jerry_217 [H] Lots of games NEW: Yakuza LAD, 9 Years of Shadow, Littlewood, DEVOUR, Amnesia:The Bunker, Astrea: Six-Sided Oracles, Wobbledogs [W] Hi-Fi rush, hell let loose, Nioh 2, WWE 2k23, crusader kings 3, Crash Bandicoot, Spyro, Fable Anniversary, Poker night 1, 2, F1 2012, 2011, Euro/American Truck, tf2
Region is NA.
If you have my wishlist games, Chat with me anytime. Only accept games from your own collection.
My REPs: 200+ successful trades, stopped tracking after 202.
My steam games for trade (wishlist in the end of this post):
Added recently:
Blade of DarknessAmanda the Adventurer
Bravery and Greed
King Of The Castle
Loddlenaut
Mediterranea Inferno
Steelrising
Yakuza: Like a Dragon
Coromon
Fashion Police Squad
HUMANKIND™ Definitive Edition
Symphony of War: The Nephilim Saga
Terraformers
The Callisto Protocol
The Excavation of Hob's Barrow
Victoria 3
Littlewood
Astrea: Six-Sided Oracles
One Hand Clapping
Tainted Grail: Conquest
Shadow of the Tomb Raider
Ultimate Chicken Horse
Mad Max
MORTAL KOMBAT XL
Mortal Kombat 11: Ultimate
Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor GOTY
Middle-Earth: Shadow of War Definitive Edition
Injustice 2 Legendary Edition
Gotham Knights
Back 4 Blood
Batman™: Arkham Knight Premium Edition
Batman™: Arkham Asylum GOTY Edition
Batman™: Arkham City GOTY Edition
Batman™: Arkham Origins
.hack//G.U. Last Recode
CODE VEIN
GOD EATER 3
Katamari Damacy REROLL
PAC-MAN MUSEUM+
Tales of Vesperia: Definitive Edition
TEKKEN 7
Dragon Knight (delisted, 18+, PM for price)
Hell Girls (delisted, 18+, PM for price)
Super Star (delisted, 18+, PM for price)
Steam games:
9 Years of ShadowsA Juggler's Tale
A Plague Tale: Innocence
ABZU
Aces and Adventures
Ad Infinitum
Afterimage
Agent in Depth
Alchemist's Castle
Alchemy Garden
Aliens vs. Predator Collection ( includes Aliens vs. Predator + Aliens vs Predator Swarm Map Pack + Aliens vs Predator: Bug Hunt Pack)
Aliens: Fireteam Elite
AMID EVIL
Amnesia: The Bunker
Among Us
Anuchard
Aragami 2
Arcade Paradise
Arise: A Simple Story
Armello
Army Men RTS
Assault Suit Leynos
Astrea: Six-Sided Oracles
Astronarch
Autonauts vs Piratebots
Battlecruisers
Beacon Pines
Big Pharma
BIOMUTANT
Bionic Commando Rearmed
Black Paradox
Black Skylands
Blade Assault
Blade of Darkness
Blood And Zombies
Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night
Borderlands 3: Super Deluxe Edition
Boundless
BPM: Bullets Per Minute
Brawlout
Castle on the Coast
Cats in Time
Caveblazers
Chicka Wars Chicken Meat (delisted)
Children of Silentown
CHIVALRY 2 - EPIC EDITION
Citizen Sleeper
CivCity: Rome
Click and Slay
Colt Canyon
Conan Chop Chop
Concept Destruction
Construction Simulator (2015) Deluxe Edition
Cookie Cutter
Corridor Z
Cosmonautica
Crayon Physics Deluxe
CROSSBOW: Bloodnight
Cultist Simulator
Curse of the Dead Gods
Dagon - The Eldritch Box DLC
Dark Deity
Dead Age
Dear Esther: Landmark Edition
Death Squared
Deceive Inc.
Demonologist
Depraved
Descenders
Desperados III
Destiny 2: Beyond Light DLC
Destroy All Humans! 2 - Reprobed
Destroyer: The U-Boat Hunter
Detached: Non-VR Edition
DEVOUR
Dicey Dungeons
Disciples: Liberation
Disco Elysium - The Final Cut
Dishonored Definitive Edition
Distant Worlds Universe
Doctor Strange Defenders Skin
Double Cross
Doughlings: Arcade
Doughlings: Invasion
Dragon Knight (delisted, 18+)
Dragon's Dogma: Dark Arisen
Draw Slasher
Drawful 2
Due Process
Dungeons 2 - Complete Edition
Dusk
EDGE OF ETERNITY
Eiyuden Chronicle: Rising
El Hijo
Emily is Away <3
Encased
Endless Space 2
Epic Chef
ETERNAL THREADS
Exorder
Expeditions: Rome
F1 2018
Farming Simulator 17
Firegirl: Hack 'n Splash Rescue
First Class Trouble
Five Dates
Fling to the Finish
Fobia - St. Dinfna Hotel
Foretales
FOREWARNED
Forged Battalion
Fortissimo FA INTL Ver
Founders' Fortune
Friends vs Friends
From Space
Full Metal Furies
Fun with Ragdolls: The Game
GameGuru Classic
Garfield Kart - Furious Racing
Generation Zero
Geometric Sniper
Ghost 1.0
Gloria Victis
Go Home Dinosaurs!
Going Under
Golf Gang
Good knight
GRID Ultimate Edition
GRIME
Grow: Song of the Evertree
Guilty Gear X2 #Reload
Guns & Fishes
Guts and Glory
Hack 'n' Slash bundle (including Hack 'n' Slash + Hack 'n' Slash Soundtrack + Spacebase GIFT)
Halcyon 6: Lightspeed Edition
Hardspace: Shipbreaker
Heart Fragment - Book Two: Belief Fragments (Shannon & Lana)
Hedon Bloodrite
Hell Girls (delisted, 18+)
Hell Pie
Hellbound
HERO'S HOUR
Hidden & Dangerous 2: Courage Under Fire
Hidden & Dangerous: Action Pack
Hokko Life
Hollow Knight
Honey, I Joined a Cult
Hot Brass
Hotshot Racing
How to Sing to Open Your Heart
Hyper Gunsport
I’m not a Monster
Internet Cafe Simulator
Interplanetary: Enhanced Edition
Intravenous
Intruders: Hide and Seek
Iron Danger
Iron Harvest
Izmir: An Independence Simulator
Joggernauts
Joggernauts
JURASSIC WORLD EVOLUTION 2
Just Cause 3 XXL Edition
Just Cause 4 Complete Edition
JYDGE
Kerbal Space Program
Killsquad
King's Bounty II
Kraken Academy!!
Labirinto 2
Lacuna – A Sci-Fi Noir Adventure
Last Call BBS
Last Oasis
Late Shift
Lawn Mowing Simulator
Legend of Keepers
Leisure Suit Larry - Wet Dreams Don't Dry
Let Them Come
Life is Strange 2 Complete Season (incl. Mascot Bundle DLC)
Little Misfortune
Little Orpheus
Lords and Villeins
Lost Planet 3 Complete Pack
Lost Ruins
Lust for Darkness
Lust from Beyond: M Edition
MageQuit
Maid of Sker
Mainlining
MEEPLE STATION
Meow Express
Merchant of the Skies
Metal: Hellsinger
Metro Exodus
Midnight Fight Express
Midnight Ghost Hunt
Mini Metro
Mini motor Racing EVO (delisted)
MirrorMoon EP
Monster Prom 2: Monster Camp
Monster Sanctuary
Moon Hunters
Moonlighter
Morbid: The Seven Acolytes
Motorcycle Mechanic Simulator 2021
Moving Out - Movers in Paradise DLC
Mr. Prepper
Murder by Numbers
My Friendly Neighborhood
My Time At Portia
Mythic Ocean
Nadir: A Grimdark Deckbuilder
Necromunda Hired Gun
NecroWorm
NeuroVoider
Neverinth
Neverout
New Super Luckys Tale
Nickelodeon All Star Brawl
Nobody Saves the World
Non-Stop Raiders
Northgard
Oaken
Obduction
Of Orcs And Men
Offworld Trading Company
OLLIOLLI WORLD - RAD EDITION
One Hand Clapping
Orbital Racer
Othercide
Out of Reach: Treasure Royale
Outward Definitive Edition
Outward The Soroboreans DLC + soundtrack (DLC only)
Override
Overture
Ozymandias
Paint the Town Red
Partial Control
Patch Quest
Pathfinder: Kingmaker Enhanced Plus Edition (NA only) + Royal Ascension DLC + The Wildcards DLC
Pathfinder: Wrath of the Righteous - Enhanced Edition
Pathfinders: Memories
Pathway
Peaky Blinders: Mastermind
Per Asperatrar
Pilgrims
Pill Baby
Pixplode
Planet TD
PlataGO!
Port Royale 3 Gold
PowerBeatsVR
Prodeus
Project CARS (delisted)
Project Chemistry
Project Nimbus: Complete Edition
Project Wingman
Propagation VR - Co-op
Propnight
Proteus
Proteus
PULSAR: The Lost Colony
Pumped BMX +
Quadrata
Quantum Break
Radio Commander
Ragnarock
Railroad Corporation
Railroad Tycoon 3
Rain World
Rebel Inc: Escalation
Rebound Dodgeball Evolved
Re-Legion
Remnant: From the Ashes - Complete Edition
Remnants of Naezith
Resident Evil Revelations
Resident Evil Revelations 2
Reventure
Revita
RIOT - Civil Unrest
Road 96
Roarr! Jurassic Edition
ROGUE LORDS
Roguebook
RollerCoaster Tycoon 2: Triple Thrill Pack
RPG Maker VX
Rubber Bandits
RUINER
Rym 9000
Saints Row
Sakura Dungeon, 18+
Sakura Knight, 18+
Sakura MMO, 18+
Sakura Knight 2, 18+
Sakura Knight 3, 18+
Sakura MMO 2, 18+
Sakura MMO 3, 18+
Sakura MMO Extra, 18+
Sakura Succubus, 18+
Sakura Succubus 2, 18+
Sakura Succubus 3, 18+
Sakura Succubus 4, 18+
Sakura Succubus 5, 18+
Sakura Succubus 6, 18+
Sakura Swim Club, 18+
Sam & Max: Devil's Playhouse
Scorn
SCP : Secret Files
Secret Neighbor: Hello Neighbor Multiplayer
SEUM: Speedrunners from Hell
Shadow of the Tomb Raider
Shady Part of Me
Shing!
Shotgun King: The Final Checkmate
Sid Meier's Railroads!
Siege Survival: Gloria Victis
Skullgirls 2nd Encore
Slinger VR
Smile For Me
Sniper Elite 3
Sniper Elite 4
Snowtopia
Sorcerer King: Rivals
Soul Searching
Soulblight
Souldiers
Soulstice
Spellcaster University
Spirit Hunter: Death Mark
Spirit of the Island
Stacking
Starbound
Starpoint Gemini Warlords
State of Decay: Year-One Survival Edition (steam inventory gift)
Stirring Abyss
Strider
Stygian: Reign of the Old Ones
SuchArt!
Sunlight
Super Chicken Catchers
Super Magbot
Super Star (delisted)
SUPERHOT: MIND CONTROL DELETE
Surviving the Aftermath
Sword Legacy Omen
SYMMETRYro
Tails Noir
Tainted Grail: Conquest
Telefrag VR
TEMTEM
The Amazing American Circus
The Ascent
The Beast Inside
The Dark Pictures Anthology: Man of Medan
The Dark Pictures Anthology: House of Ashes
The Dark Pictures Anthology: Little Hope
The Deed II
The Dungeon Of Naheulbeuk: The Amulet Of Chaos
The Golf Club 2019 Featuring PGA TOUR
The Gunk
The Legend of Tianding
The Life and Suffering of Sir Brante
The Long Dark
The Outer Worlds: Spacer's Choice Edition
The Pale Beyond
The Quarry
The Red Lantern
The Serpent Rogue
The USB Stick Found in the Grass
The Witcher: Enhanced Edition (steam inventory gift)
The Witness
The Wolf Among Us
There Is No Light
Ticket to Ride
Tin Can
Titan Souls
TOEM
Tools Up!
Townsmen - A Kingdom Rebuilt
Traffic Jams
Train Station Renovation
Treasure Hunter Simulator
Trek to Yomi
Tribes of Midgard
Twilight Struggle
Twin Mirror
Two Point Campus
Ultimate Chicken Horse
Underland: The Climb
Unity of Command: Stalingrad Campaign
UnMetal
Vanishing Realms
War for the Overworld
Warhammer 40,000: Chaos Gate - Daemonhunters
Warhammer 40,000: Space Wolf
Warhammer 40,000: Space Wolf - Drenn Redblade
Warhammer 40,000: Space Wolf - Exceptional Card Pack
Warhammer 40,000: Space Wolf - Saga of the Great Awakening
Warhammer 40,000: Space Wolf - Wrath of the Damned
Warhammer Age of Sigmar: Realms of Ruin Ultimate Edition
WARSAW
We Happy Few Season Pass
We Were Here Too
Where the Water Tastes Like Wine
White Noise 2
Who Pressed Mute on Uncle Marcus?
Wizard of Legend
Wobbledogs
Worms Rumble
WRC 7
WWE 2K BATTLEGROUNDS
XCOM 2
X-COM: Complete Pack (including X-COM: UFO Defense + X-COM: Apocalypse + X-COM: Enforcer + X-COM: Interceptor + X-COM: Terror from the Deep)
XCOM: Enemy Unknown Complete Edition
XEL
X-Morph: Defense Complete Pack (including X-Morph: Defense + X-Morph: Defense - European Assault + X-Morph: Defense - Survival Of The Fittest + X-Morph: Defense - Last Bastion)
Yakuza 4 Remastered
Zoeti
ΔV: Rings of Saturn
Other platforms:
Command & Conquer Remastered Collection (ORIGINkey)
Liberated (GOG key)
STAR WARS: Squadrons (Origin)
Wanderlust Travel Stories (GOG key)
#########################################################
My Wishlist: (prefer gift links)
Hi-Fi RUSH
DIABLO 4 PC
Street Fighter 6
Rocket League
Poker night
poker night 2
Game of Thrones - A Telltale Games Series
NBA 2k16, 2k17
WWE 2K16, 2K17, 2K18, 2K19, 2K20, 2k23
The Last Remnant
Doctor Who: The Adventure Games
Hell let loose
Crusader kings 3
Spiderman remaster
F1 2020, 2019, 2017, 2016, 2012, 2011
ACE COMBAT ASSAULT HORIZON Enhanced Edition
DARK SOULS
DARK SOULS II
DARK SOULS III
Pistol Whip
CLANNAD
Automobilista 2
Gears 5
monster hunter rise
Tiny tina's wonderlands chaotic great edition
Spyro Reignited Trilogy
DIRT 5
Fable Anniversary
Nioh 2 COMPLETE
Victoria 3
HUMANKIND
A Hat in Time
VTOL VR
rFactor 2
ZERO Sievert
Barotrauma
monster hunter world
fight in tight space
Life Is Strange Complete Season
phoenix wright
LOOT RIVER
satisfactory
Gotham Knights
Rivals of Aether
Vrising
DOOM Eternal
Deep Rock Galactic
LegionTD 2
Dead by Daylight
quantum break
slay the spire
Yakuza kiwami 2
Stardew Valley
resident evil village
Eiyuden Chronicle: Rising
stray blade
clash: Artifacts of chaos
Valfaris: Mecha Therion
The Quarry
9 Years of Shadows
other humble choice title games
#########################################################
Note: for some games from humble I might ask for gift links. There is a rumor 3 years ago that humble bans users due to making gift links only. I make gift links every week, never have any issues. I have no idea why humble would ever ban its customers for using a feature it provides to its custimers.
Here is a guide how to make gift links from support.Humblebundle.com: https://support.humblebundle.com/hc/en-us/articles/202712460-Purchasing-and-Sending-Gifts
I do not believe humble teaches you how to make gift links, so it can ban you, lol
2024.05.15 20:18 Jerry_217 [H] Lots of games NEW: Yakuza LAD, 9 Years of Shadow, Littlewood, DEVOUR, Amnesia:The Bunker, Astrea: Six-Sided Oracles, Wobbledogs [W] Hi-Fi rush, hell let loose, Nioh 2, WWE 2k23, crusader kings 3, Crash Bandicoot, Spyro, Fable Anniversary, Poker night 1, 2, F1 2012, 2011, Euro/American Truck, tf2
Region is NA.
If you have my wishlist games, Chat with me anytime. Only accept games from your own collection.
My REPs: 200+ successful trades, stopped tracking after 202.
My steam games for trade (wishlist in the end of this post):
Added recently:
Blade of DarknessAmanda the Adventurer
Bravery and Greed
King Of The Castle
Loddlenaut
Mediterranea Inferno
Steelrising
Yakuza: Like a Dragon
Coromon
Fashion Police Squad
HUMANKIND™ Definitive Edition
Symphony of War: The Nephilim Saga
Terraformers
The Callisto Protocol
The Excavation of Hob's Barrow
Victoria 3
Tomb Raider: Game of the Year Edition (GOG)
LEGO Star Wars III: The Clone Wars (GOG)
Littlewood
Astrea: Six-Sided Oracles
One Hand Clapping
Tainted Grail: Conquest
Shadow of the Tomb Raider
Ultimate Chicken Horse
Mad Max
MORTAL KOMBAT XL
Mortal Kombat 11: Ultimate
Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor GOTY
Middle-Earth: Shadow of War Definitive Edition
Injustice 2 Legendary Edition
Gotham Knights
Back 4 Blood
Batman™: Arkham Knight Premium Edition
Batman™: Arkham Asylum GOTY Edition
Batman™: Arkham City GOTY Edition
Batman™: Arkham Origins
.hack//G.U. Last Recode
CODE VEIN
GOD EATER 3
Katamari Damacy REROLL
PAC-MAN MUSEUM+
Tales of Vesperia: Definitive Edition
TEKKEN 7
Dragon Knight (delisted, 18+, PM for price)
Hell Girls (delisted, 18+, PM for price)
Super Star (delisted, 18+, PM for price)
Steam games:
9 Years of ShadowsA Juggler's Tale
A Plague Tale: Innocence
ABZU
Aces and Adventures
Ad Infinitum
Afterimage
Agent in Depth
Alchemist's Castle
Alchemy Garden
Aliens vs. Predator Collection ( includes Aliens vs. Predator + Aliens vs Predator Swarm Map Pack + Aliens vs Predator: Bug Hunt Pack)
Aliens: Fireteam Elite
AMID EVIL
Amnesia: The Bunker
Among Us
Anuchard
Aragami 2
Arcade Paradise
Arise: A Simple Story
Armello
Army Men RTS
Assault Suit Leynos
Astrea: Six-Sided Oracles
Astronarch
Autonauts vs Piratebots
Battlecruisers
Beacon Pines
Big Pharma
BIOMUTANT
Bionic Commando Rearmed
Black Paradox
Black Skylands
Blade Assault
Blade of Darkness
Blood And Zombies
Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night
Borderlands 3: Super Deluxe Edition
Boundless
BPM: Bullets Per Minute
Brawlout
Castle on the Coast
Cats in Time
Caveblazers
Chicka Wars Chicken Meat (delisted)
Children of Silentown
CHIVALRY 2 - EPIC EDITION
Citizen Sleeper
CivCity: Rome
Click and Slay
Colt Canyon
Conan Chop Chop
Concept Destruction
Construction Simulator (2015) Deluxe Edition
Cookie Cutter
Corridor Z
Cosmonautica
Crayon Physics Deluxe
CROSSBOW: Bloodnight
Cultist Simulator
Curse of the Dead Gods
Dagon - The Eldritch Box DLC
Dark Deity
Dead Age
Dear Esther: Landmark Edition
Death Squared
Deceive Inc.
Demonologist
Depraved
Descenders
Desperados III
Destiny 2: Beyond Light DLC
Destroy All Humans! 2 - Reprobed
Destroyer: The U-Boat Hunter
Detached: Non-VR Edition
DEVOUR
Dicey Dungeons
Disciples: Liberation
Disco Elysium - The Final Cut
Dishonored Definitive Edition
Distant Worlds Universe
Doctor Strange Defenders Skin
Double Cross
Doughlings: Arcade
Doughlings: Invasion
Dragon Knight (delisted, 18+)
Dragon's Dogma: Dark Arisen
Draw Slasher
Drawful 2
Due Process
Dungeons 2 - Complete Edition
Dusk
EDGE OF ETERNITY
Eiyuden Chronicle: Rising
El Hijo
Emily is Away <3
Encased
Endless Space 2
Epic Chef
ETERNAL THREADS
Exorder
Expeditions: Rome
F1 2018
Farming Simulator 17
Firegirl: Hack 'n Splash Rescue
First Class Trouble
Five Dates
Fling to the Finish
Fobia - St. Dinfna Hotel
Foretales
FOREWARNED
Forged Battalion
Fortissimo FA INTL Ver
Founders' Fortune
Friends vs Friends
From Space
Full Metal Furies
Fun with Ragdolls: The Game
GameGuru Classic
Garfield Kart - Furious Racing
Generation Zero
Geometric Sniper
Ghost 1.0
Gloria Victis
Go Home Dinosaurs!
Going Under
Golf Gang
Good knight
GRID Ultimate Edition
GRIME
Grow: Song of the Evertree
Guilty Gear X2 #Reload
Guns & Fishes
Guts and Glory
Hack 'n' Slash bundle (including Hack 'n' Slash + Hack 'n' Slash Soundtrack + Spacebase GIFT)
Halcyon 6: Lightspeed Edition
Hardspace: Shipbreaker
Heart Fragment - Book Two: Belief Fragments (Shannon & Lana)
Hedon Bloodrite
Hell Girls (delisted, 18+)
Hell Pie
Hellbound
HERO'S HOUR
Hidden & Dangerous 2: Courage Under Fire
Hidden & Dangerous: Action Pack
Hokko Life
Hollow Knight
Honey, I Joined a Cult
Hot Brass
Hotshot Racing
How to Sing to Open Your Heart
Hyper Gunsport
I’m not a Monster
Internet Cafe Simulator
Interplanetary: Enhanced Edition
Intravenous
Intruders: Hide and Seek
Iron Danger
Iron Harvest
Izmir: An Independence Simulator
Joggernauts
Joggernauts
JURASSIC WORLD EVOLUTION 2
Just Cause 3 XXL Edition
Just Cause 4 Complete Edition
JYDGE
Kerbal Space Program
Killsquad
King's Bounty II
Kraken Academy!!
Labirinto 2
Lacuna – A Sci-Fi Noir Adventure
Last Call BBS
Last Oasis
Late Shift
Lawn Mowing Simulator
Legend of Keepers
Leisure Suit Larry - Wet Dreams Don't Dry
Let Them Come
Life is Strange 2 Complete Season (incl. Mascot Bundle DLC)
Little Misfortune
Little Orpheus
Lords and Villeins
Lost Planet 3 Complete Pack
Lost Ruins
Lust for Darkness
Lust from Beyond: M Edition
MageQuit
Maid of Sker
Mainlining
MEEPLE STATION
Meow Express
Merchant of the Skies
Metal: Hellsinger
Metro Exodus
Midnight Fight Express
Midnight Ghost Hunt
Mini Metro
Mini motor Racing EVO (delisted)
MirrorMoon EP
Monster Prom 2: Monster Camp
Monster Sanctuary
Moon Hunters
Moonlighter
Morbid: The Seven Acolytes
Motorcycle Mechanic Simulator 2021
Moving Out - Movers in Paradise DLC
Mr. Prepper
Murder by Numbers
My Friendly Neighborhood
My Time At Portia
Mythic Ocean
Nadir: A Grimdark Deckbuilder
Necromunda Hired Gun
NecroWorm
NeuroVoider
Neverinth
Neverout
New Super Luckys Tale
Nickelodeon All Star Brawl
Nobody Saves the World
Non-Stop Raiders
Northgard
Oaken
Obduction
Of Orcs And Men
Offworld Trading Company
OLLIOLLI WORLD - RAD EDITION
One Hand Clapping
Orbital Racer
Othercide
Out of Reach: Treasure Royale
Outward Definitive Edition
Outward The Soroboreans DLC + soundtrack (DLC only)
Override
Overture
Ozymandias
Paint the Town Red
Partial Control
Patch Quest
Pathfinder: Kingmaker Enhanced Plus Edition (NA only) + Royal Ascension DLC + The Wildcards DLC
Pathfinder: Wrath of the Righteous - Enhanced Edition
Pathfinders: Memories
Pathway
Peaky Blinders: Mastermind
Per Asperatrar
Pilgrims
Pill Baby
Pixplode
Planet TD
PlataGO!
Port Royale 3 Gold
PowerBeatsVR
Prodeus
Project CARS (delisted)
Project Chemistry
Project Nimbus: Complete Edition
Project Wingman
Propagation VR - Co-op
Propnight
Proteus
Proteus
PULSAR: The Lost Colony
Pumped BMX +
Quadrata
Quantum Break
Radio Commander
Ragnarock
Railroad Corporation
Railroad Tycoon 3
Rain World
Rebel Inc: Escalation
Rebound Dodgeball Evolved
Re-Legion
Remnant: From the Ashes - Complete Edition
Remnants of Naezith
Resident Evil Revelations
Resident Evil Revelations 2
Reventure
Revita
RIOT - Civil Unrest
Road 96
Roarr! Jurassic Edition
ROGUE LORDS
Roguebook
RollerCoaster Tycoon 2: Triple Thrill Pack
RPG Maker VX
Rubber Bandits
RUINER
Rym 9000
Saints Row
Sakura Dungeon, 18+
Sakura Knight, 18+
Sakura MMO, 18+
Sakura Knight 2, 18+
Sakura Knight 3, 18+
Sakura MMO 2, 18+
Sakura MMO 3, 18+
Sakura MMO Extra, 18+
Sakura Succubus, 18+
Sakura Succubus 2, 18+
Sakura Succubus 3, 18+
Sakura Succubus 4, 18+
Sakura Succubus 5, 18+
Sakura Succubus 6, 18+
Sakura Swim Club, 18+
Sam & Max: Devil's Playhouse
Scorn
SCP : Secret Files
Secret Neighbor: Hello Neighbor Multiplayer
SEUM: Speedrunners from Hell
Shadow of the Tomb Raider
Shady Part of Me
Shing!
Shotgun King: The Final Checkmate
Sid Meier's Railroads!
Siege Survival: Gloria Victis
Skullgirls 2nd Encore
Slinger VR
Smile For Me
Sniper Elite 3
Sniper Elite 4
Snowtopia
Sorcerer King: Rivals
Soul Searching
Soulblight
Souldiers
Soulstice
Spellcaster University
Spirit Hunter: Death Mark
Spirit of the Island
Stacking
Starbound
Starpoint Gemini Warlords
State of Decay: Year-One Survival Edition (steam inventory gift)
Stirring Abyss
Strider
Stygian: Reign of the Old Ones
SuchArt!
Sunlight
Super Chicken Catchers
Super Magbot
Super Star (delisted)
SUPERHOT: MIND CONTROL DELETE
Surviving the Aftermath
Sword Legacy Omen
SYMMETRYro
Tails Noir
Tainted Grail: Conquest
Telefrag VR
TEMTEM
The Amazing American Circus
The Ascent
The Beast Inside
The Dark Pictures Anthology: Man of Medan
The Dark Pictures Anthology: House of Ashes
The Dark Pictures Anthology: Little Hope
The Deed II
The Dungeon Of Naheulbeuk: The Amulet Of Chaos
The Golf Club 2019 Featuring PGA TOUR
The Gunk
The Legend of Tianding
The Life and Suffering of Sir Brante
The Long Dark
The Outer Worlds: Spacer's Choice Edition
The Pale Beyond
The Quarry
The Red Lantern
The Serpent Rogue
The USB Stick Found in the Grass
The Witcher: Enhanced Edition (steam inventory gift)
The Witness
The Wolf Among Us
There Is No Light
Ticket to Ride
Tin Can
Titan Souls
TOEM
Tools Up!
Townsmen - A Kingdom Rebuilt
Traffic Jams
Train Station Renovation
Treasure Hunter Simulator
Trek to Yomi
Tribes of Midgard
Twilight Struggle
Twin Mirror
Two Point Campus
Ultimate Chicken Horse
Underland: The Climb
Unity of Command: Stalingrad Campaign
UnMetal
Vanishing Realms
War for the Overworld
Warhammer 40,000: Chaos Gate - Daemonhunters
Warhammer 40,000: Space Wolf
Warhammer 40,000: Space Wolf - Drenn Redblade
Warhammer 40,000: Space Wolf - Exceptional Card Pack
Warhammer 40,000: Space Wolf - Saga of the Great Awakening
Warhammer 40,000: Space Wolf - Wrath of the Damned
Warhammer Age of Sigmar: Realms of Ruin Ultimate Edition
WARSAW
We Happy Few Season Pass
We Were Here Too
Where the Water Tastes Like Wine
White Noise 2
Who Pressed Mute on Uncle Marcus?
Wizard of Legend
Wobbledogs
Worms Rumble
WRC 7
WWE 2K BATTLEGROUNDS
XCOM 2
X-COM: Complete Pack (including X-COM: UFO Defense + X-COM: Apocalypse + X-COM: Enforcer + X-COM: Interceptor + X-COM: Terror from the Deep)
XCOM: Enemy Unknown Complete Edition
XEL
X-Morph: Defense Complete Pack (including X-Morph: Defense + X-Morph: Defense - European Assault + X-Morph: Defense - Survival Of The Fittest + X-Morph: Defense - Last Bastion)
Yakuza 4 Remastered
Zoeti
ΔV: Rings of Saturn
Other platforms:
Command & Conquer Remastered Collection (ORIGINkey)
Liberated (GOG key)
STAR WARS: Squadrons (Origin)
Wanderlust Travel Stories (GOG key)
#########################################################
My Wishlist: (prefer gift links)
Hi-Fi RUSH
DIABLO 4 PC
Street Fighter 6
Rocket League
Poker night
poker night 2
Game of Thrones - A Telltale Games Series
NBA 2k16, 2k17
WWE 2K16, 2K17, 2K18, 2K19, 2K20, 2k23
The Last Remnant
Doctor Who: The Adventure Games
Hell let loose
Crusader kings 3
Spiderman remaster
F1 2020, 2019, 2017, 2016, 2012, 2011
ACE COMBAT ASSAULT HORIZON Enhanced Edition
DARK SOULS
DARK SOULS II
DARK SOULS III
Pistol Whip
CLANNAD
Automobilista 2
Gears 5
monster hunter rise
Tiny tina's wonderlands chaotic great edition
Spyro Reignited Trilogy
DIRT 5
Fable Anniversary
Nioh 2 COMPLETE
Victoria 3
HUMANKIND
A Hat in Time
VTOL VR
rFactor 2
ZERO Sievert
Barotrauma
monster hunter world
fight in tight space
Life Is Strange Complete Season
phoenix wright
LOOT RIVER
satisfactory
Gotham Knights
Rivals of Aether
Vrising
DOOM Eternal
Deep Rock Galactic
LegionTD 2
Dead by Daylight
quantum break
slay the spire
Yakuza kiwami 2
Stardew Valley
resident evil village
Eiyuden Chronicle: Rising
stray blade
clash: Artifacts of chaos
Valfaris: Mecha Therion
The Quarry
9 Years of Shadows
other humble choice title games
#########################################################
Note: for some games from humble I might ask for gift links. There is a rumor 3 years ago that humble bans users due to making gift links only. I make gift links every week, never have any issues. I have no idea why humble would ever ban its customers for using a feature it provides to its custimers.
Here is a guide how to make gift links from support.Humblebundle.com: https://support.humblebundle.com/hc/en-us/articles/202712460-Purchasing-and-Sending-Gifts
I do not believe humble teaches you how to make gift links, so it can ban you, lol
2024.05.15 20:17 Jerry_217 [H] Lots of games NEW: Yakuza LAD, 9 Years of Shadow, Littlewood, DEVOUR, Amnesia:The Bunker, Astrea: Six-Sided Oracles, Wobbledogs [W] Hi-Fi rush, hell let loose, Nioh 2, WWE 2k23, crusader kings 3, Crash Bandicoot, Spyro, Fable Anniversary, Poker night 1, 2, F1 2012, 2011, Euro/American Truck, tf2
Region is NA.
If you have my wishlist games, Chat with me anytime. Only accept games from your own collection.
My REPs: 200+ successful trades, stopped tracking after 202.
My steam games for trade (wishlist in the end of this post):
Added recently:
Blade of DarknessAmanda the Adventurer
Bravery and Greed
King Of The Castle
Loddlenaut
Mediterranea Inferno
Steelrising
Yakuza: Like a Dragon
Coromon
Fashion Police Squad
HUMANKIND™ Definitive Edition
Symphony of War: The Nephilim Saga
Terraformers
The Callisto Protocol
The Excavation of Hob's Barrow
Victoria 3
Tomb Raider: Game of the Year Edition (GOG)
LEGO Star Wars III: The Clone Wars (GOG)
Littlewood
Astrea: Six-Sided Oracles
One Hand Clapping
Tainted Grail: Conquest
Shadow of the Tomb Raider
Ultimate Chicken Horse
Mad Max
MORTAL KOMBAT XL
Mortal Kombat 11: Ultimate
Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor GOTY
Middle-Earth: Shadow of War Definitive Edition
Injustice 2 Legendary Edition
Gotham Knights
Back 4 Blood
Batman™: Arkham Knight Premium Edition
Batman™: Arkham Asylum GOTY Edition
Batman™: Arkham City GOTY Edition
Batman™: Arkham Origins
.hack//G.U. Last Recode
CODE VEIN
GOD EATER 3
Katamari Damacy REROLL
PAC-MAN MUSEUM+
Tales of Vesperia: Definitive Edition
TEKKEN 7
Dragon Knight (delisted, 18+, PM for price)
Hell Girls (delisted, 18+, PM for price)
Super Star (delisted, 18+, PM for price)
Steam games:
9 Years of ShadowsA Juggler's Tale
A Plague Tale: Innocence
ABZU
Aces and Adventures
Ad Infinitum
Afterimage
Agent in Depth
Alchemist's Castle
Alchemy Garden
Aliens vs. Predator Collection ( includes Aliens vs. Predator + Aliens vs Predator Swarm Map Pack + Aliens vs Predator: Bug Hunt Pack)
Aliens: Fireteam Elite
AMID EVIL
Amnesia: The Bunker
Among Us
Anuchard
Aragami 2
Arcade Paradise
Arise: A Simple Story
Armello
Army Men RTS
Assault Suit Leynos
Astrea: Six-Sided Oracles
Astronarch
Autonauts vs Piratebots
Battlecruisers
Beacon Pines
Big Pharma
BIOMUTANT
Bionic Commando Rearmed
Black Paradox
Black Skylands
Blade Assault
Blade of Darkness
Blood And Zombies
Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night
Borderlands 3: Super Deluxe Edition
Boundless
BPM: Bullets Per Minute
Brawlout
Castle on the Coast
Cats in Time
Caveblazers
Chicka Wars Chicken Meat (delisted)
Children of Silentown
CHIVALRY 2 - EPIC EDITION
Citizen Sleeper
CivCity: Rome
Click and Slay
Colt Canyon
Conan Chop Chop
Concept Destruction
Construction Simulator (2015) Deluxe Edition
Cookie Cutter
Corridor Z
Cosmonautica
Crayon Physics Deluxe
CROSSBOW: Bloodnight
Cultist Simulator
Curse of the Dead Gods
Dagon - The Eldritch Box DLC
Dark Deity
Dead Age
Dear Esther: Landmark Edition
Death Squared
Deceive Inc.
Demonologist
Depraved
Descenders
Desperados III
Destiny 2: Beyond Light DLC
Destroy All Humans! 2 - Reprobed
Destroyer: The U-Boat Hunter
Detached: Non-VR Edition
DEVOUR
Dicey Dungeons
Disciples: Liberation
Disco Elysium - The Final Cut
Dishonored Definitive Edition
Distant Worlds Universe
Doctor Strange Defenders Skin
Double Cross
Doughlings: Arcade
Doughlings: Invasion
Dragon Knight (delisted, 18+)
Dragon's Dogma: Dark Arisen
Draw Slasher
Drawful 2
Due Process
Dungeons 2 - Complete Edition
Dusk
EDGE OF ETERNITY
Eiyuden Chronicle: Rising
El Hijo
Emily is Away <3
Encased
Endless Space 2
Epic Chef
ETERNAL THREADS
Exorder
Expeditions: Rome
F1 2018
Farming Simulator 17
Firegirl: Hack 'n Splash Rescue
First Class Trouble
Five Dates
Fling to the Finish
Fobia - St. Dinfna Hotel
Foretales
FOREWARNED
Forged Battalion
Fortissimo FA INTL Ver
Founders' Fortune
Friends vs Friends
From Space
Full Metal Furies
Fun with Ragdolls: The Game
GameGuru Classic
Garfield Kart - Furious Racing
Generation Zero
Geometric Sniper
Ghost 1.0
Gloria Victis
Go Home Dinosaurs!
Going Under
Golf Gang
Good knight
GRID Ultimate Edition
GRIME
Grow: Song of the Evertree
Guilty Gear X2 #Reload
Guns & Fishes
Guts and Glory
Hack 'n' Slash bundle (including Hack 'n' Slash + Hack 'n' Slash Soundtrack + Spacebase GIFT)
Halcyon 6: Lightspeed Edition
Hardspace: Shipbreaker
Heart Fragment - Book Two: Belief Fragments (Shannon & Lana)
Hedon Bloodrite
Hell Girls (delisted, 18+)
Hell Pie
Hellbound
HERO'S HOUR
Hidden & Dangerous 2: Courage Under Fire
Hidden & Dangerous: Action Pack
Hokko Life
Hollow Knight
Honey, I Joined a Cult
Hot Brass
Hotshot Racing
How to Sing to Open Your Heart
Hyper Gunsport
I’m not a Monster
Internet Cafe Simulator
Interplanetary: Enhanced Edition
Intravenous
Intruders: Hide and Seek
Iron Danger
Iron Harvest
Izmir: An Independence Simulator
Joggernauts
Joggernauts
JURASSIC WORLD EVOLUTION 2
Just Cause 3 XXL Edition
Just Cause 4 Complete Edition
JYDGE
Kerbal Space Program
Killsquad
King's Bounty II
Kraken Academy!!
Labirinto 2
Lacuna – A Sci-Fi Noir Adventure
Last Call BBS
Last Oasis
Late Shift
Lawn Mowing Simulator
Legend of Keepers
Leisure Suit Larry - Wet Dreams Don't Dry
Let Them Come
Life is Strange 2 Complete Season (incl. Mascot Bundle DLC)
Little Misfortune
Little Orpheus
Lords and Villeins
Lost Planet 3 Complete Pack
Lost Ruins
Lust for Darkness
Lust from Beyond: M Edition
MageQuit
Maid of Sker
Mainlining
MEEPLE STATION
Meow Express
Merchant of the Skies
Metal: Hellsinger
Metro Exodus
Midnight Fight Express
Midnight Ghost Hunt
Mini Metro
Mini motor Racing EVO (delisted)
MirrorMoon EP
Monster Prom 2: Monster Camp
Monster Sanctuary
Moon Hunters
Moonlighter
Morbid: The Seven Acolytes
Motorcycle Mechanic Simulator 2021
Moving Out - Movers in Paradise DLC
Mr. Prepper
Murder by Numbers
My Friendly Neighborhood
My Time At Portia
Mythic Ocean
Nadir: A Grimdark Deckbuilder
Necromunda Hired Gun
NecroWorm
NeuroVoider
Neverinth
Neverout
New Super Luckys Tale
Nickelodeon All Star Brawl
Nobody Saves the World
Non-Stop Raiders
Northgard
Oaken
Obduction
Of Orcs And Men
Offworld Trading Company
OLLIOLLI WORLD - RAD EDITION
One Hand Clapping
Orbital Racer
Othercide
Out of Reach: Treasure Royale
Outward Definitive Edition
Outward The Soroboreans DLC + soundtrack (DLC only)
Override
Overture
Ozymandias
Paint the Town Red
Partial Control
Patch Quest
Pathfinder: Kingmaker Enhanced Plus Edition (NA only) + Royal Ascension DLC + The Wildcards DLC
Pathfinder: Wrath of the Righteous - Enhanced Edition
Pathfinders: Memories
Pathway
Peaky Blinders: Mastermind
Per Asperatrar
Pilgrims
Pill Baby
Pixplode
Planet TD
PlataGO!
Port Royale 3 Gold
PowerBeatsVR
Prodeus
Project CARS (delisted)
Project Chemistry
Project Nimbus: Complete Edition
Project Wingman
Propagation VR - Co-op
Propnight
Proteus
Proteus
PULSAR: The Lost Colony
Pumped BMX +
Quadrata
Quantum Break
Radio Commander
Ragnarock
Railroad Corporation
Railroad Tycoon 3
Rain World
Rebel Inc: Escalation
Rebound Dodgeball Evolved
Re-Legion
Remnant: From the Ashes - Complete Edition
Remnants of Naezith
Resident Evil Revelations
Resident Evil Revelations 2
Reventure
Revita
RIOT - Civil Unrest
Road 96
Roarr! Jurassic Edition
ROGUE LORDS
Roguebook
RollerCoaster Tycoon 2: Triple Thrill Pack
RPG Maker VX
Rubber Bandits
RUINER
Rym 9000
Saints Row
Sakura Dungeon, 18+
Sakura Knight, 18+
Sakura MMO, 18+
Sakura Knight 2, 18+
Sakura Knight 3, 18+
Sakura MMO 2, 18+
Sakura MMO 3, 18+
Sakura MMO Extra, 18+
Sakura Succubus, 18+
Sakura Succubus 2, 18+
Sakura Succubus 3, 18+
Sakura Succubus 4, 18+
Sakura Succubus 5, 18+
Sakura Succubus 6, 18+
Sakura Swim Club, 18+
Sam & Max: Devil's Playhouse
Scorn
SCP : Secret Files
Secret Neighbor: Hello Neighbor Multiplayer
SEUM: Speedrunners from Hell
Shadow of the Tomb Raider
Shady Part of Me
Shing!
Shotgun King: The Final Checkmate
Sid Meier's Railroads!
Siege Survival: Gloria Victis
Skullgirls 2nd Encore
Slinger VR
Smile For Me
Sniper Elite 3
Sniper Elite 4
Snowtopia
Sorcerer King: Rivals
Soul Searching
Soulblight
Souldiers
Soulstice
Spellcaster University
Spirit Hunter: Death Mark
Spirit of the Island
Stacking
Starbound
Starpoint Gemini Warlords
State of Decay: Year-One Survival Edition (steam inventory gift)
Stirring Abyss
Strider
Stygian: Reign of the Old Ones
SuchArt!
Sunlight
Super Chicken Catchers
Super Magbot
Super Star (delisted)
SUPERHOT: MIND CONTROL DELETE
Surviving the Aftermath
Sword Legacy Omen
SYMMETRYro
Tails Noir
Tainted Grail: Conquest
Telefrag VR
TEMTEM
The Amazing American Circus
The Ascent
The Beast Inside
The Dark Pictures Anthology: Man of Medan
The Dark Pictures Anthology: House of Ashes
The Dark Pictures Anthology: Little Hope
The Deed II
The Dungeon Of Naheulbeuk: The Amulet Of Chaos
The Golf Club 2019 Featuring PGA TOUR
The Gunk
The Legend of Tianding
The Life and Suffering of Sir Brante
The Long Dark
The Outer Worlds: Spacer's Choice Edition
The Pale Beyond
The Quarry
The Red Lantern
The Serpent Rogue
The USB Stick Found in the Grass
The Witcher: Enhanced Edition (steam inventory gift)
The Witness
The Wolf Among Us
There Is No Light
Ticket to Ride
Tin Can
Titan Souls
TOEM
Tools Up!
Townsmen - A Kingdom Rebuilt
Traffic Jams
Train Station Renovation
Treasure Hunter Simulator
Trek to Yomi
Tribes of Midgard
Twilight Struggle
Twin Mirror
Two Point Campus
Ultimate Chicken Horse
Underland: The Climb
Unity of Command: Stalingrad Campaign
UnMetal
Vanishing Realms
War for the Overworld
Warhammer 40,000: Chaos Gate - Daemonhunters
Warhammer 40,000: Space Wolf
Warhammer 40,000: Space Wolf - Drenn Redblade
Warhammer 40,000: Space Wolf - Exceptional Card Pack
Warhammer 40,000: Space Wolf - Saga of the Great Awakening
Warhammer 40,000: Space Wolf - Wrath of the Damned
Warhammer Age of Sigmar: Realms of Ruin Ultimate Edition
WARSAW
We Happy Few Season Pass
We Were Here Too
Where the Water Tastes Like Wine
White Noise 2
Who Pressed Mute on Uncle Marcus?
Wizard of Legend
Wobbledogs
Worms Rumble
WRC 7
WWE 2K BATTLEGROUNDS
XCOM 2
X-COM: Complete Pack (including X-COM: UFO Defense + X-COM: Apocalypse + X-COM: Enforcer + X-COM: Interceptor + X-COM: Terror from the Deep)
XCOM: Enemy Unknown Complete Edition
XEL
X-Morph: Defense Complete Pack (including X-Morph: Defense + X-Morph: Defense - European Assault + X-Morph: Defense - Survival Of The Fittest + X-Morph: Defense - Last Bastion)
Yakuza 4 Remastered
Zoeti
ΔV: Rings of Saturn
Other platforms:
Command & Conquer Remastered Collection (ORIGINkey)
Liberated (GOG key)
STAR WARS: Squadrons (Origin)
Wanderlust Travel Stories (GOG key)
#########################################################
My Wishlist: (prefer gift links)
Hi-Fi RUSH
DIABLO 4 PC
Street Fighter 6
Rocket League
Poker night
poker night 2
Game of Thrones - A Telltale Games Series
NBA 2k16, 2k17
WWE 2K16, 2K17, 2K18, 2K19, 2K20, 2k23
The Last Remnant
Doctor Who: The Adventure Games
Hell let loose
Crusader kings 3
Spiderman remaster
F1 2020, 2019, 2017, 2016, 2012, 2011
ACE COMBAT ASSAULT HORIZON Enhanced Edition
DARK SOULS
DARK SOULS II
DARK SOULS III
Pistol Whip
CLANNAD
Automobilista 2
Gears 5
monster hunter rise
Tiny tina's wonderlands chaotic great edition
Spyro Reignited Trilogy
DIRT 5
Fable Anniversary
Nioh 2 COMPLETE
Victoria 3
HUMANKIND
A Hat in Time
VTOL VR
rFactor 2
ZERO Sievert
Barotrauma
monster hunter world
fight in tight space
Life Is Strange Complete Season
phoenix wright
LOOT RIVER
satisfactory
Gotham Knights
Rivals of Aether
Vrising
DOOM Eternal
Deep Rock Galactic
LegionTD 2
Dead by Daylight
quantum break
slay the spire
Yakuza kiwami 2
Stardew Valley
resident evil village
Eiyuden Chronicle: Rising
stray blade
clash: Artifacts of chaos
Valfaris: Mecha Therion
The Quarry
9 Years of Shadows
other humble choice title games
#########################################################
Note: for some games from humble I might ask for gift links. There is a rumor 3 years ago that humble bans users due to making gift links only. I make gift links every week, never have any issues. I have no idea why humble would ever ban its customers for using a feature it provides to its custimers.
Here is a guide how to make gift links from support.Humblebundle.com: https://support.humblebundle.com/hc/en-us/articles/202712460-Purchasing-and-Sending-Gifts
I do not believe humble teaches you how to make gift links, so it can ban you, lol
2024.05.15 20:13 Weathers_Writing I think God might be real, just not in the way you think
When I was three years old I was in a really bad car accident. I didn't know it at the time, but that singular event would come to define everything about my life moving forward. What I remember about the accident is mostly a collage of backdated comments I was able to reel out of my father in the following years. He was driving me and my mom in his old '91 Chevy Tahoe through the twisting backroads of Southern Illinois, weaving his way through the gnarled branches of oak trees which interlocked into a braided ceiling overhead. A fog had rolled in, giving the impression that we were driving through a cloudy tube. Everything was simultaneously bright and opaque. I didn't mind though, as I was in the back seat working on a coloring book. My mom was in the front, talking with my dad or turning around to entertain my completed pictures.
Although I was of the age where my memory was just beginning to mature, I still recall two things very clearly from the accident. First was the sensation of breaking. I remember feeling the way a plate must feel to be dropped: weightless at first, then suddenly meeting a much larger, more solid object—the air popped like a firecracker, and the entirety of my body shattered into hundreds of fractals. And then I remember a hand. It was my dad's hand pulling me from the wreck.
I ended up hospitalized for weeks after the crash. My mom was less lucky. The impact had killed her instantly.
As I've alluded to, I was young, and at the time I didn't fully understand the implications of what had happened. I knew something was missing, but it was like a word on the tip of my tongue, or the forgotten vanilla in a cherished cake recipe—coloring my experience, but not the whole of it. Not like my dad. For him, it was the whole fucking cake. He had somehow made it out with only a few scratches. I'm sure he had a really bad case of survivor's guilt, and frankly, looking back, I wouldn't have blamed him if he slumped into despair and spent his days drinking away his sorrow. But he wasn't that type of man. He got help. It took him years before he was able to recall anything that happened that morning, and most of it is still repressed, but he shared with me what he could. Or at least that's what I had thought.
My dad was a Middle School teacher since before I was born, and he kept his job until very recently. As a result, we didn't have much by way of resources. I grew up on Disney Channel and TV dinners for the most part, but I didn't mind. When I became of school age, his job actually made caring for me pretty convenient. Since our Elementary and Middle schools were connected, he was able to drive me there and back each day.
It was around third or fourth grade that I realized I was different. I didn't understand the other children or even the adults most of the time. They would say things then immediately change their mind, or they would talk about something and in the next breath forget its existence entirely. I remember one day at lunch, I had just gotten my tray of hot food and sat down with some friends. One of the kids, Alex, was talking about a stuffed bird he had won for getting first place in Mr. Curtis's pop-up math competition. We were all admiring its blue wings and white belly and sharp black beak and beady eyes. I left mid-conversation to get a chocolate milk. When I came back, I asked to see the bird again, and Alex said "what bird?" I was perplexed. "The bird—the bluejay you were just showing us." I remember all of the other kids looking at me like I was crazy. I figured they were all playing a trick on me, so I got up and went over to Alex's seat and crouched down, looking under the table, then I sprung up and tried to open his lunchbox. "What are you doing!?" he yelled. I felt so confused and embarrassed that I ran to the bathroom to cry.
And then there was another time a group of kids were laughing about a joke one of the girls, Taylor, had made about our homeroom teacher's face looking like a seal. I knew it was mean, but at the time I just wanted to fit in so I played along, but when I made a comment about her resemblance to the semi-aquatic animal, they all looked at me confused. "What are you talking about? We never said that…"
These misattributions kept happening, and it led to me being ostracized from most of the little childish cliques that popped up. I developed a quasi-standoffish temperament which I used as a shield against a chaotic world that I didn't understand. My dad eventually had me tested for ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder), but I passed the test. He asked if I wanted to move to a different town with different schoolmates, thinking that perhaps I was getting bullied, but I told him it was fine. Somewhere deep down I felt like no matter where I went, this problem would follow me.
You may think that I was simply coping with the absence of my mom, and while I'm sure that her absence has left certain holes in my life, kindly, no, that wasn't what was happening. You see, at first I didn't notice the instances of what I'll call "blinking". I simply thought that I was misremembering things: objects, words, events. They were all little things anyway. A bird, a joke, my pencil box. It wasn't until sixth grade that I realized the magnitude of the phenomenon.
I was in my dad's 6th grade Social Studies class and we had just been assigned our "Ancient Civilizations" project which involved creating a diorama of our chosen civilization and presenting its features to the class. My friend at the time, Claire, had taken my first choice of Ancient Rome (which we had a heated argument about at lunch), so I was left with Ancient Egypt. At the time, all I pictured for Egypt was a plate of sand. However, my dad and I went through some illustrated history books and pictures on the internet and he really built up the project for me.
Over the course of a couple months, he helped me shape three pyramids out of small wooden planks and a bunch of tan clay. We placed them in the center of a giant square shoebox lid which served as the container for the diorama. Then he bought some small wooden mannequin puppets and we dressed them up in cloth clothes (mostly kilts and tunics) and colored their eyes, mouths, and hair. We added a few obelisks and some small box-huts which were collected into a little village around the Nile. Finally, we added a light glaze of glue where we felt would be necessary and then covered the whole project with golden glitter.
As we worked on each part of the diorama, my dad helped me understand what we were adding and why it was important to Ancient Egypt. I loved the way he talked about history. He spun everything into a miraculous story. To this day, I don't think I've ever had a teacher who came close to his level of charisma and creativity. As a result, I became really proud of my diorama. I memorized all the little details and rehearsed my speech in front of the mirror for hours leading up to the last couple weeks of class. And then, two days before I was supposed to give my presentation, everything fell apart.
First, I need to apologize for deceiving you about an aspect of my story. I thought it might help you to understand what I was going through at the time. What I'm about to tell you is going to sound insane. I get that. But please hear me out. The truth is that I was never assigned to present on Ancient Egypt; everything else about Clair taking my first pick and dad helping me with the whole project and my excitement leading up to the presentation was all true, but it wasn't a project on Ancient Egypt, it was a project on Ancient Sidovan, which was a civilization located on the eighth continent called "Catalan" (the same name as the spoken language, but unrelated) which was due West of Australia in the Indian Ocean.
I know this sounds incredible, and if you want to believe it's all in my head, I get that, but I remember clearly all sorts of facts about it: the Malagasy, the same people who populated Madagascar, were the first peoples to discover Catalan and settle it. However, about five hundred years later, Indian ships would arrive and create the civilization known as Sidovan. A pidgin language formed between the indigenous population and new arriving Indians called "Hiesa" (pronounced: Hai-E-suh or Hai-ʔ-suh). Catalan had a warm climate with plenty of natural resources, but Sidovan had a dense enough population to require agricultural production. They grew rice, grain, sugarcane, vegetables, and even tobacco.
I remembered all of these facts and more. My diorama reflected the main features of the Sidovan civilization. And then two days before my presentation, I woke up and my diorama was entirely different. The hilly grasslands were traded out for sandy dunes. The Hindu statues and stone palaces became clay pyramids and large spear-like pillars. And everything was covered with the ickiest yellow glitter I had ever seen. Tears stung my eyes as I trampled over to my dad's room and banged on his door. "Dad! What did you do!?" I yelled.
"Honey?" He responded, rushing over to the base of the stairs. "What's wrong?"
"The diorama. It's ruined!"
"It's what?" he asked and ran up the stairs, leading me to my room. He looked over it for a few seconds, checking to see if everything was intact, then said, "I don't see it, honey. Where is it ruined?"
I was completely dumb-struck. What did he mean he didn't see it? "All of it!" I shouted. "The whole thing is wrong. Where's the grass and the stone buildings and the lady with the four arms and the elephants? Where is my project!?"
My dad looked at me in silence. "Lauren, baby, what civilization do you think you were working on?"
"Ancient Sidovan, of course! We've been working on this for months now! Dad, please tell me you remember."
He knelt down and put his hands on my shoulders. "Honey, your project was on Ancient Egypt. There is no Ancient Sidovan."
"Y-you're lying." I protested. "Books, you have books. On your bookshelf."
He took me into his study and showed me all of his books. None of them were on Ancient Sidovan. He even turned on his computer and typed in the name of the civilization, but all that came up was a near match "Sidon". I remember feeling the sudden urge to puke. My entire body felt like it was pumping battery acid instead of blood. "I—I don't," I started but suddenly my head felt very light, and I fainted.
When I woke up, I was in the hospital. I had lost consciousness for over half an hour, enough time for my dad to call 9-1-1 and have the ambulance transport me to the nearest ER. They ran all sorts of tests on me, but they all came back fine. After a couple hours of IV fluids and monitoring, they released me with my dad.
I ended up skipping the rest of school that week. My dad didn't make me present my diorama. In fact, he never brought the subject up again. Part of me was glad. I just wanted to forget the whole thing ever happened. But another part of me couldn't move past what was clearly the most absurd thing to ever happen to me. About a week after the incident, I tried to broach the subject, but when I asked my dad about it, he didn't seem to remember our conversation at all. He said I had fallen ill and that's why I needed to go to the ER and miss class. I felt like I was going crazy. If I was older, I probably would have voluntarily checked myself into a psychiatric ward. But I was young and helpless and alone, and I decided that if I just ignored the changes well enough, I could still get along. This proved difficult though, as the blinking would only exacerbate in the coming months.
Up until the time of the project, I hadn't been able to directly observe the phenomenon. It was always in retrospect that things disappeared. It was during the summer after sixth grade that this changed. I still remember the first time it happened. I had just gotten out of the shower and was drying my hair in front of the mirror. After it was dried, I threw on my clothes then went to tie my hair up in a ponytail, but as I went to set the elastic tie, I felt its weight dissipate in my hand. I gasped and held my hand out. The circular black band was gone.
Fast forward to seventh grade and the blinking had spiraled out of control. Reflecting back on it, most people would probably have assumed I was drinking psilocybin-infused water, as the delusions were somewhat consistent with psychedelic phenomena: except these distortions were real (at least they felt that way to me).
I'd wake up and grab the box of Special K but end up eating Cheerios. The McDonalds logo would look yellow and red one day, but purple and black the next. I'd be watching a show, and then a different show, and then a different one. It was as if the entire universe was a Christmas tree with millions of lights, and the lights kept shifting hues randomly, faster and faster, and I was the only one who could see their changing colors. I remember one night my dad made spaghetti for dinner and we went out onto the porch to eat it. While we were sitting, I saw our neighbor's house, a two story townhome, blink and become a single story bungalow. I gasped, and my dad asked what was wrong, but when I tried to explain he just gave me a strange look. For him, no matter what changed, the world was "always that way". While for me, it didn't have "a way".
The situation peaked when Clair, that friend I mentioned before, disappeared. I texted her (my dad had bought me a BlackBerry at the beginning of summer break) but didn't get a response. When I asked her other friends if they knew where she was, I got the usual "what are you talking about?" look. I knew right away what had happened, even though I didn't want to believe it. I went to the teacher and asked if there was a Clair in our class. She said "no". I broke down in front of everyone. I couldn't take it anymore. I ran out of school. The lady at the front desk tried to stop me, but I just barrelled past her. I kept running until I got to a big park across the street and bawled my eyes out until the police arrived and escorted me home. When they tried asking me what was wrong, I didn't say anything. There was literally nothing I could say that they would understand.
That night I prayed to God for the first time. My dad wasn't a religious man. He went to Catholic church with my mom when she was alive, but after she died he never went back. Still, I knew how to pray, even if I never did it. I copied some of the people I saw praying in movies and interlocked my fingers and knelt down on my bed, stuffing my head into a pillow. "Dear God," I said, "Please, please, please help me." I told Him about my struggles and asked Him to make them stop. I spent an hour saying the same things over and over again. And when I was finished, my little body was so tired, I fell right to sleep.
I knew something was different the second I opened my eyelids. I didn't only feel relieved, but I felt… embraced. I felt like someone was watching over me. I felt like I wasn't alone. I moved through my day with cautious apprehension. I didn't want to get my hopes up only to be let down. But to my surprise, the blinking had stopped. At least I couldn't remember any of the inconsistencies, and to me, that was a win. I began to pray regularly, and the more I did, the more I could feel the sense that someone was looking out for me. It was like I was getting a big hug from some cosmic force that loved me and wanted me to be happy.
I made it a habit to pray regularly. I asked my dad if he could take me to a church, and he agreed to take me to St. Mark's, the same church that he and my mom used to attend. Over time, I realized that the actual church services weren't as important to me as the praying. For whatever reason, there was something about praying that was like a glue for my brain, holding the entire universe together. As I got older, I considered that maybe it wasn't that the changes were no longer happening, but that I simply didn't see them anymore. In other words, maybe I was just becoming like everyone else. Either way, I didn't mind.
In my teenage years, I got into mindfulness meditation. I thought that I'd want to go into religious studies and become a theologian, so I started to learn about Eastern traditions in addition to Christianity. I joined a bunch of different school clubs to meet kids of different faiths: Judaism, Hinduism, Buddhism, Islam. I tried to find a common thread which linked them all and would explain what happened to me as a child. The metaphors of Heaven and Hell, Good and Evil, the Taoist Yin and Yang—duality. Every religion seemed to speak about a way of being that would lead to a better place. In some cases that better place was a physical future existence, and in others it was merely being in contact with the perfection of nature or the present. Metaphorically, the teachings could explain what I had gone through in a kind of loose way, but there were no explicit statements about my condition.
***
I want to fast forward to why I've decided to write about this now. To give you an idea of where I'm at, I'm now 25 and working on finishing my MA in Computational Linguistics. I know that's a bit of a switch from what I was thinking when I was a teenager, but I really only interested in religion because of the value praying afforded me as a child. I didn't actually have much interest in the subject, itself. After my first year of college, I changed to an English major, which ultimately led to me taking a linguistics class and enjoying it so much that I switched tracks in my Junior year. Considering the state of the world, I thought minoring in Computer Science might help me financially in the future, so I ended up charting a path which I figured might lead to something like developing translation software.
Anyway, everything was going fine until a few weeks ago. I was out at an all-night diner with a few of my friends from the program. There was Jeremy, Martin, Bella, Jordan, and Macy. We had been working on a group project together involving modeling construction grammars by generating primitive 3D structures using C# and running the code through a game engine (it's a bit weird, but essentially we were trying to create a multidimensional model for language using a similar but more advanced concept than other LLMs), and just had a breakthrough. It was 2AM though and not a brain cell existed between the six of us, so instead we focused on a different problem: Macy's ongoing breakup with her semi-long distance trucker boyfriend. We tried to explain why Mike wasn't going to work out as we ordered a round of milkshakes and waited for the lone overnight kitchen worker to scoop out three balls of ice cream from the Deans carton for each of us, blend it, then have the server deliver the vintage diner glasses on a plastic tray.
I dug into my thick strawberry shake with a spoon. It was delicious. I kept eating but focused back on the conversation. I remember feeling something odd about one of the scoops, but I was so entrenched in Macy's story that I didn't notice the metal shard in my ice cream until I felt it against my lip. "P-tuh" I spat out the shard and ice cream all in one motion, then covered my mouth which I was sure was bleeding. The silver blade was probably as large as my thumb, and it had two jagged edges, as if it was fastened for the purpose of causing damage. "What the fuck!" I yelled.
Everyone at the table turned to see what was the matter. "Hey, Lauren, you okay?"
I spoke through a covered mouth, using my free hand to point at the table. "That was in my—"
But it was gone.
"In your… shake? Was something in your shake?" asked Jeremy.
I froze. In that moment, the stories of my childhood that I had only remembered as faint nightmares came back in a wave of crushing terror. How could I have been so stupid to think they would simply vanish forever? No, this isn't the same thing, I thought. But deep down, I knew it was. I drew my hand away from my lips and saw that it was dry—no blood. When I looked back up, all of the blood in my veins went cold. My friends were… smiling at me. Their lips were elastic like taffy, stretching to reveal their teeth. I could feel them radiating malevolence, as if the only thing holding them back from picking up their utensils and stabbing me to death was some thinly veiled force field. The moment lasted for what felt like half a minute, then Jordan said two words which made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.
"Found you"
The words ricocheted in my now adrenaline powered skull. But just as he spoke them, the world blinked and my friends were back. Bella reached out and grabbed my hand. I pulled away, but when I saw her concerned expression, I relented.
"Sorry, guys, I think I'm going to have to call it." I said.
"You sure, L?" asked Jordan. "You look like you just saw a ghost."
"Yeah, thanks, but I just…" I stumbled for a lie, but when one wouldn't come, Martin stood up and said he'd walk me out to my car.
"Thanks," I said as I got into my little 2015 Jetta. "It's just been a long day."
"No problem, Lauren. You know, if there's ever anything—"
"I know," I said but didn't mean. Some things just couldn't be shared.
I drove for about five minutes before stopping at a gas station. I pulled in and parked near the back. Then I interlocked my fingers and prayed for half an hour. I apologized for not taking my praying seriously and asked to once again be granted peace. Unlike my younger years, I also drifted into other avenues of thought. I imagined my mom. I pictured the whole arc of my life, all of the little decisions that led me to where I was. I cried for a long time. I felt like that little girl again reaching out for help. I still felt so lost, so out of control; there were so many things missing, and I was so confused.
I decided then to take a trip back home and visit my dad who was now working as a private tutor. He made enough prepping affluent students for the ACT and SAT that he could spend his free time pursuing his real passions: reading and writing. When I arrived at his doorstep that weekend, he greeted me with open arms. "How are you, kiddo? It's been, what? A year or so?"
It was actually more like two years, but I didn't tell him. I just smiled and nodded.
"Well, come in."
The house was almost exactly how I remembered it. Linoleum floors, beige walls, a few scattered pictures, the scent of camomile. Everything minimalist. There was a quaintness, a prettiness to the way everything seemed to be well kept and in a perfect place. From the cherry wood chairs we'd sit in to eat, to the cream-colored loveseat. I felt at home.
I spent the drive thinking of what I would talk to my dad about, but ultimately I wasn't sure what I'd say. I loved my dad, but I think growing up it was easy to see him as naive. After all, arguably the most important episodes of my childhood were completely unknown to him. In that way, I kind of loved him from a distance. Maybe losing my mom also played into that. Maybe I just had trust issues. And after what happened at the diner… Luckily there hadn't been any blinks since.
I stayed for a couple days and he showed me around some of the different coffee shops where he'd tutor kids or write some of his stories. I met some of his friends, mostly other retired or part-time teachers who were in a similar place in life. I was happy for him. Then, on Sunday, he made me my favorite meal growing up: homemade carbonara pasta with chicken and broccoli. The sauce had a few different cheeses, butter, olive oil, and a raw egg yolk. It was the perfect blend of creamy, savory, and sweet. After we ate, he cracked open a scrapbook of some old photos and other clippings he had put together.
We reminisced about the past and laughed whenever I'd cover up one of my awkward pictures. He brought up some stories from school that I had forgotten, naming some teachers that I hadn't thought about in years. Apparently I had started at the end, because as I moved to the other end of the book, I kept getting younger and younger. I flipped to the last pages and noticed a couple pictures of my mom that made my heart sink.
"She was beautiful, wasn't she?" said my dad.
"Mmm," I agreed.
I flipped to the last page and saw a collage of newspaper clippings. One of them was related to the accident. It was headlined: "Two Survive Head-On Collision". After a cursory glance at the text, I noticed something odd. It said, "Both the husband and child, a three year old girl, sustained life-threatening wounds. The husband was found unconscious on the scene. The girl was found twenty meters away from the vehicle, crying." I swallowed, trying to remember back to what happened that day. The feeling of crashing, of the world slowing down, then breaking, returned. And then there was a hand. My dad's hand. Or was it? If he was unconscious, who pulled me out of that wreck?
I looked up at my dad. He was smiling.
I shot up and started backing up slowly toward the door. "No, not you, too. What is this? What's happening? Who are you?"
My dad, or whatever was controlling him, laughed."Oh, Lauren, Lauren, Lauren. You know who we are." he purred as he stood up. He lifted his hands and the lights began to flicker then bend in a way which shouldn't have been possible. Dark figures began to propagate from the shadows along the walls. The pictures nailed there began to blink out of existence. I turned to run toward the door but the handle was gone. Glass shards materialized all around me and swarmed like locusts. Certain I was going to die, I dropped down on my knees and once again turned to prayer, this time asking God to directly intervene and save me.
Everything went quiet.
"Honey? Are you okay?"
I didn't trust his voice. I knew if I opened my eyes, I'd see that awful smile. He was just toying with me. "It's not you," I said in between muttered prayers. "I know it's not you."
"Honey," my dad said, closer. I felt his arms wrap around me. This was it, I was going to be suffocated. I waited for the inevitable crushing weight of my chest collapsing. I waited to break all over again.
"I would never hurt you, Lauren. I love you more than anything in the whole world."
I burst out in tears. "No, it's not you, I know it's not you. You don't exist!"
My dad's weight dissipated. I opened my eyes and saw that he was no longer there. "Dad?" I called aloud. "Dad? Where did you go?"
I checked all over the house, but there was no trace of him. There were still pictures of him all over the house, so I knew he hadn't blinked out of existence like everything else, but somehow he was missing.
***
I left the house and got a room at a hotel, where I am now. I'm sure at this point that whatever is happening to me is no longer random. Something out there is actively trying to hunt me. Maybe it has been my whole life, but only now it can see me—however weird that sounds. If that's right, then God has been on my side trying to protect me from this demon or monster or devil or whatever it is. Regardless, the methods I was using when I was younger are not going to cut it anymore. I already posted my story in several other small circles and have gotten one reply. A man who goes by the name "Trent" (apparently it's an alias). He said that he has some insight into my "condition" and can offer help if I want it. I'm planning on meeting with him tomorrow. I'm not sure if it's a good idea, but at this point I need answers. I can keep you updated with my progress if that interests you, and to anyone who knows anything about what's happening to me, please… I could really use your help.
***
I was just about to post this when Trent sent another message. This is what it says:
Trent: We can do the \*** at **** O'clock. Also, if what you're telling me is true, your mother may still be alive.*
submitted by Weathers_Writing to weatherswriting [link] [comments]
Although I was of the age where my memory was just beginning to mature, I still recall two things very clearly from the accident. First was the sensation of breaking. I remember feeling the way a plate must feel to be dropped: weightless at first, then suddenly meeting a much larger, more solid object—the air popped like a firecracker, and the entirety of my body shattered into hundreds of fractals. And then I remember a hand. It was my dad's hand pulling me from the wreck.
I ended up hospitalized for weeks after the crash. My mom was less lucky. The impact had killed her instantly.
As I've alluded to, I was young, and at the time I didn't fully understand the implications of what had happened. I knew something was missing, but it was like a word on the tip of my tongue, or the forgotten vanilla in a cherished cake recipe—coloring my experience, but not the whole of it. Not like my dad. For him, it was the whole fucking cake. He had somehow made it out with only a few scratches. I'm sure he had a really bad case of survivor's guilt, and frankly, looking back, I wouldn't have blamed him if he slumped into despair and spent his days drinking away his sorrow. But he wasn't that type of man. He got help. It took him years before he was able to recall anything that happened that morning, and most of it is still repressed, but he shared with me what he could. Or at least that's what I had thought.
My dad was a Middle School teacher since before I was born, and he kept his job until very recently. As a result, we didn't have much by way of resources. I grew up on Disney Channel and TV dinners for the most part, but I didn't mind. When I became of school age, his job actually made caring for me pretty convenient. Since our Elementary and Middle schools were connected, he was able to drive me there and back each day.
It was around third or fourth grade that I realized I was different. I didn't understand the other children or even the adults most of the time. They would say things then immediately change their mind, or they would talk about something and in the next breath forget its existence entirely. I remember one day at lunch, I had just gotten my tray of hot food and sat down with some friends. One of the kids, Alex, was talking about a stuffed bird he had won for getting first place in Mr. Curtis's pop-up math competition. We were all admiring its blue wings and white belly and sharp black beak and beady eyes. I left mid-conversation to get a chocolate milk. When I came back, I asked to see the bird again, and Alex said "what bird?" I was perplexed. "The bird—the bluejay you were just showing us." I remember all of the other kids looking at me like I was crazy. I figured they were all playing a trick on me, so I got up and went over to Alex's seat and crouched down, looking under the table, then I sprung up and tried to open his lunchbox. "What are you doing!?" he yelled. I felt so confused and embarrassed that I ran to the bathroom to cry.
And then there was another time a group of kids were laughing about a joke one of the girls, Taylor, had made about our homeroom teacher's face looking like a seal. I knew it was mean, but at the time I just wanted to fit in so I played along, but when I made a comment about her resemblance to the semi-aquatic animal, they all looked at me confused. "What are you talking about? We never said that…"
These misattributions kept happening, and it led to me being ostracized from most of the little childish cliques that popped up. I developed a quasi-standoffish temperament which I used as a shield against a chaotic world that I didn't understand. My dad eventually had me tested for ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder), but I passed the test. He asked if I wanted to move to a different town with different schoolmates, thinking that perhaps I was getting bullied, but I told him it was fine. Somewhere deep down I felt like no matter where I went, this problem would follow me.
You may think that I was simply coping with the absence of my mom, and while I'm sure that her absence has left certain holes in my life, kindly, no, that wasn't what was happening. You see, at first I didn't notice the instances of what I'll call "blinking". I simply thought that I was misremembering things: objects, words, events. They were all little things anyway. A bird, a joke, my pencil box. It wasn't until sixth grade that I realized the magnitude of the phenomenon.
I was in my dad's 6th grade Social Studies class and we had just been assigned our "Ancient Civilizations" project which involved creating a diorama of our chosen civilization and presenting its features to the class. My friend at the time, Claire, had taken my first choice of Ancient Rome (which we had a heated argument about at lunch), so I was left with Ancient Egypt. At the time, all I pictured for Egypt was a plate of sand. However, my dad and I went through some illustrated history books and pictures on the internet and he really built up the project for me.
Over the course of a couple months, he helped me shape three pyramids out of small wooden planks and a bunch of tan clay. We placed them in the center of a giant square shoebox lid which served as the container for the diorama. Then he bought some small wooden mannequin puppets and we dressed them up in cloth clothes (mostly kilts and tunics) and colored their eyes, mouths, and hair. We added a few obelisks and some small box-huts which were collected into a little village around the Nile. Finally, we added a light glaze of glue where we felt would be necessary and then covered the whole project with golden glitter.
As we worked on each part of the diorama, my dad helped me understand what we were adding and why it was important to Ancient Egypt. I loved the way he talked about history. He spun everything into a miraculous story. To this day, I don't think I've ever had a teacher who came close to his level of charisma and creativity. As a result, I became really proud of my diorama. I memorized all the little details and rehearsed my speech in front of the mirror for hours leading up to the last couple weeks of class. And then, two days before I was supposed to give my presentation, everything fell apart.
First, I need to apologize for deceiving you about an aspect of my story. I thought it might help you to understand what I was going through at the time. What I'm about to tell you is going to sound insane. I get that. But please hear me out. The truth is that I was never assigned to present on Ancient Egypt; everything else about Clair taking my first pick and dad helping me with the whole project and my excitement leading up to the presentation was all true, but it wasn't a project on Ancient Egypt, it was a project on Ancient Sidovan, which was a civilization located on the eighth continent called "Catalan" (the same name as the spoken language, but unrelated) which was due West of Australia in the Indian Ocean.
I know this sounds incredible, and if you want to believe it's all in my head, I get that, but I remember clearly all sorts of facts about it: the Malagasy, the same people who populated Madagascar, were the first peoples to discover Catalan and settle it. However, about five hundred years later, Indian ships would arrive and create the civilization known as Sidovan. A pidgin language formed between the indigenous population and new arriving Indians called "Hiesa" (pronounced: Hai-E-suh or Hai-ʔ-suh). Catalan had a warm climate with plenty of natural resources, but Sidovan had a dense enough population to require agricultural production. They grew rice, grain, sugarcane, vegetables, and even tobacco.
I remembered all of these facts and more. My diorama reflected the main features of the Sidovan civilization. And then two days before my presentation, I woke up and my diorama was entirely different. The hilly grasslands were traded out for sandy dunes. The Hindu statues and stone palaces became clay pyramids and large spear-like pillars. And everything was covered with the ickiest yellow glitter I had ever seen. Tears stung my eyes as I trampled over to my dad's room and banged on his door. "Dad! What did you do!?" I yelled.
"Honey?" He responded, rushing over to the base of the stairs. "What's wrong?"
"The diorama. It's ruined!"
"It's what?" he asked and ran up the stairs, leading me to my room. He looked over it for a few seconds, checking to see if everything was intact, then said, "I don't see it, honey. Where is it ruined?"
I was completely dumb-struck. What did he mean he didn't see it? "All of it!" I shouted. "The whole thing is wrong. Where's the grass and the stone buildings and the lady with the four arms and the elephants? Where is my project!?"
My dad looked at me in silence. "Lauren, baby, what civilization do you think you were working on?"
"Ancient Sidovan, of course! We've been working on this for months now! Dad, please tell me you remember."
He knelt down and put his hands on my shoulders. "Honey, your project was on Ancient Egypt. There is no Ancient Sidovan."
"Y-you're lying." I protested. "Books, you have books. On your bookshelf."
He took me into his study and showed me all of his books. None of them were on Ancient Sidovan. He even turned on his computer and typed in the name of the civilization, but all that came up was a near match "Sidon". I remember feeling the sudden urge to puke. My entire body felt like it was pumping battery acid instead of blood. "I—I don't," I started but suddenly my head felt very light, and I fainted.
When I woke up, I was in the hospital. I had lost consciousness for over half an hour, enough time for my dad to call 9-1-1 and have the ambulance transport me to the nearest ER. They ran all sorts of tests on me, but they all came back fine. After a couple hours of IV fluids and monitoring, they released me with my dad.
I ended up skipping the rest of school that week. My dad didn't make me present my diorama. In fact, he never brought the subject up again. Part of me was glad. I just wanted to forget the whole thing ever happened. But another part of me couldn't move past what was clearly the most absurd thing to ever happen to me. About a week after the incident, I tried to broach the subject, but when I asked my dad about it, he didn't seem to remember our conversation at all. He said I had fallen ill and that's why I needed to go to the ER and miss class. I felt like I was going crazy. If I was older, I probably would have voluntarily checked myself into a psychiatric ward. But I was young and helpless and alone, and I decided that if I just ignored the changes well enough, I could still get along. This proved difficult though, as the blinking would only exacerbate in the coming months.
Up until the time of the project, I hadn't been able to directly observe the phenomenon. It was always in retrospect that things disappeared. It was during the summer after sixth grade that this changed. I still remember the first time it happened. I had just gotten out of the shower and was drying my hair in front of the mirror. After it was dried, I threw on my clothes then went to tie my hair up in a ponytail, but as I went to set the elastic tie, I felt its weight dissipate in my hand. I gasped and held my hand out. The circular black band was gone.
Fast forward to seventh grade and the blinking had spiraled out of control. Reflecting back on it, most people would probably have assumed I was drinking psilocybin-infused water, as the delusions were somewhat consistent with psychedelic phenomena: except these distortions were real (at least they felt that way to me).
I'd wake up and grab the box of Special K but end up eating Cheerios. The McDonalds logo would look yellow and red one day, but purple and black the next. I'd be watching a show, and then a different show, and then a different one. It was as if the entire universe was a Christmas tree with millions of lights, and the lights kept shifting hues randomly, faster and faster, and I was the only one who could see their changing colors. I remember one night my dad made spaghetti for dinner and we went out onto the porch to eat it. While we were sitting, I saw our neighbor's house, a two story townhome, blink and become a single story bungalow. I gasped, and my dad asked what was wrong, but when I tried to explain he just gave me a strange look. For him, no matter what changed, the world was "always that way". While for me, it didn't have "a way".
The situation peaked when Clair, that friend I mentioned before, disappeared. I texted her (my dad had bought me a BlackBerry at the beginning of summer break) but didn't get a response. When I asked her other friends if they knew where she was, I got the usual "what are you talking about?" look. I knew right away what had happened, even though I didn't want to believe it. I went to the teacher and asked if there was a Clair in our class. She said "no". I broke down in front of everyone. I couldn't take it anymore. I ran out of school. The lady at the front desk tried to stop me, but I just barrelled past her. I kept running until I got to a big park across the street and bawled my eyes out until the police arrived and escorted me home. When they tried asking me what was wrong, I didn't say anything. There was literally nothing I could say that they would understand.
That night I prayed to God for the first time. My dad wasn't a religious man. He went to Catholic church with my mom when she was alive, but after she died he never went back. Still, I knew how to pray, even if I never did it. I copied some of the people I saw praying in movies and interlocked my fingers and knelt down on my bed, stuffing my head into a pillow. "Dear God," I said, "Please, please, please help me." I told Him about my struggles and asked Him to make them stop. I spent an hour saying the same things over and over again. And when I was finished, my little body was so tired, I fell right to sleep.
I knew something was different the second I opened my eyelids. I didn't only feel relieved, but I felt… embraced. I felt like someone was watching over me. I felt like I wasn't alone. I moved through my day with cautious apprehension. I didn't want to get my hopes up only to be let down. But to my surprise, the blinking had stopped. At least I couldn't remember any of the inconsistencies, and to me, that was a win. I began to pray regularly, and the more I did, the more I could feel the sense that someone was looking out for me. It was like I was getting a big hug from some cosmic force that loved me and wanted me to be happy.
I made it a habit to pray regularly. I asked my dad if he could take me to a church, and he agreed to take me to St. Mark's, the same church that he and my mom used to attend. Over time, I realized that the actual church services weren't as important to me as the praying. For whatever reason, there was something about praying that was like a glue for my brain, holding the entire universe together. As I got older, I considered that maybe it wasn't that the changes were no longer happening, but that I simply didn't see them anymore. In other words, maybe I was just becoming like everyone else. Either way, I didn't mind.
In my teenage years, I got into mindfulness meditation. I thought that I'd want to go into religious studies and become a theologian, so I started to learn about Eastern traditions in addition to Christianity. I joined a bunch of different school clubs to meet kids of different faiths: Judaism, Hinduism, Buddhism, Islam. I tried to find a common thread which linked them all and would explain what happened to me as a child. The metaphors of Heaven and Hell, Good and Evil, the Taoist Yin and Yang—duality. Every religion seemed to speak about a way of being that would lead to a better place. In some cases that better place was a physical future existence, and in others it was merely being in contact with the perfection of nature or the present. Metaphorically, the teachings could explain what I had gone through in a kind of loose way, but there were no explicit statements about my condition.
***
I want to fast forward to why I've decided to write about this now. To give you an idea of where I'm at, I'm now 25 and working on finishing my MA in Computational Linguistics. I know that's a bit of a switch from what I was thinking when I was a teenager, but I really only interested in religion because of the value praying afforded me as a child. I didn't actually have much interest in the subject, itself. After my first year of college, I changed to an English major, which ultimately led to me taking a linguistics class and enjoying it so much that I switched tracks in my Junior year. Considering the state of the world, I thought minoring in Computer Science might help me financially in the future, so I ended up charting a path which I figured might lead to something like developing translation software.
Anyway, everything was going fine until a few weeks ago. I was out at an all-night diner with a few of my friends from the program. There was Jeremy, Martin, Bella, Jordan, and Macy. We had been working on a group project together involving modeling construction grammars by generating primitive 3D structures using C# and running the code through a game engine (it's a bit weird, but essentially we were trying to create a multidimensional model for language using a similar but more advanced concept than other LLMs), and just had a breakthrough. It was 2AM though and not a brain cell existed between the six of us, so instead we focused on a different problem: Macy's ongoing breakup with her semi-long distance trucker boyfriend. We tried to explain why Mike wasn't going to work out as we ordered a round of milkshakes and waited for the lone overnight kitchen worker to scoop out three balls of ice cream from the Deans carton for each of us, blend it, then have the server deliver the vintage diner glasses on a plastic tray.
I dug into my thick strawberry shake with a spoon. It was delicious. I kept eating but focused back on the conversation. I remember feeling something odd about one of the scoops, but I was so entrenched in Macy's story that I didn't notice the metal shard in my ice cream until I felt it against my lip. "P-tuh" I spat out the shard and ice cream all in one motion, then covered my mouth which I was sure was bleeding. The silver blade was probably as large as my thumb, and it had two jagged edges, as if it was fastened for the purpose of causing damage. "What the fuck!" I yelled.
Everyone at the table turned to see what was the matter. "Hey, Lauren, you okay?"
I spoke through a covered mouth, using my free hand to point at the table. "That was in my—"
But it was gone.
"In your… shake? Was something in your shake?" asked Jeremy.
I froze. In that moment, the stories of my childhood that I had only remembered as faint nightmares came back in a wave of crushing terror. How could I have been so stupid to think they would simply vanish forever? No, this isn't the same thing, I thought. But deep down, I knew it was. I drew my hand away from my lips and saw that it was dry—no blood. When I looked back up, all of the blood in my veins went cold. My friends were… smiling at me. Their lips were elastic like taffy, stretching to reveal their teeth. I could feel them radiating malevolence, as if the only thing holding them back from picking up their utensils and stabbing me to death was some thinly veiled force field. The moment lasted for what felt like half a minute, then Jordan said two words which made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.
"Found you"
The words ricocheted in my now adrenaline powered skull. But just as he spoke them, the world blinked and my friends were back. Bella reached out and grabbed my hand. I pulled away, but when I saw her concerned expression, I relented.
"Sorry, guys, I think I'm going to have to call it." I said.
"You sure, L?" asked Jordan. "You look like you just saw a ghost."
"Yeah, thanks, but I just…" I stumbled for a lie, but when one wouldn't come, Martin stood up and said he'd walk me out to my car.
"Thanks," I said as I got into my little 2015 Jetta. "It's just been a long day."
"No problem, Lauren. You know, if there's ever anything—"
"I know," I said but didn't mean. Some things just couldn't be shared.
I drove for about five minutes before stopping at a gas station. I pulled in and parked near the back. Then I interlocked my fingers and prayed for half an hour. I apologized for not taking my praying seriously and asked to once again be granted peace. Unlike my younger years, I also drifted into other avenues of thought. I imagined my mom. I pictured the whole arc of my life, all of the little decisions that led me to where I was. I cried for a long time. I felt like that little girl again reaching out for help. I still felt so lost, so out of control; there were so many things missing, and I was so confused.
I decided then to take a trip back home and visit my dad who was now working as a private tutor. He made enough prepping affluent students for the ACT and SAT that he could spend his free time pursuing his real passions: reading and writing. When I arrived at his doorstep that weekend, he greeted me with open arms. "How are you, kiddo? It's been, what? A year or so?"
It was actually more like two years, but I didn't tell him. I just smiled and nodded.
"Well, come in."
The house was almost exactly how I remembered it. Linoleum floors, beige walls, a few scattered pictures, the scent of camomile. Everything minimalist. There was a quaintness, a prettiness to the way everything seemed to be well kept and in a perfect place. From the cherry wood chairs we'd sit in to eat, to the cream-colored loveseat. I felt at home.
I spent the drive thinking of what I would talk to my dad about, but ultimately I wasn't sure what I'd say. I loved my dad, but I think growing up it was easy to see him as naive. After all, arguably the most important episodes of my childhood were completely unknown to him. In that way, I kind of loved him from a distance. Maybe losing my mom also played into that. Maybe I just had trust issues. And after what happened at the diner… Luckily there hadn't been any blinks since.
I stayed for a couple days and he showed me around some of the different coffee shops where he'd tutor kids or write some of his stories. I met some of his friends, mostly other retired or part-time teachers who were in a similar place in life. I was happy for him. Then, on Sunday, he made me my favorite meal growing up: homemade carbonara pasta with chicken and broccoli. The sauce had a few different cheeses, butter, olive oil, and a raw egg yolk. It was the perfect blend of creamy, savory, and sweet. After we ate, he cracked open a scrapbook of some old photos and other clippings he had put together.
We reminisced about the past and laughed whenever I'd cover up one of my awkward pictures. He brought up some stories from school that I had forgotten, naming some teachers that I hadn't thought about in years. Apparently I had started at the end, because as I moved to the other end of the book, I kept getting younger and younger. I flipped to the last pages and noticed a couple pictures of my mom that made my heart sink.
"She was beautiful, wasn't she?" said my dad.
"Mmm," I agreed.
I flipped to the last page and saw a collage of newspaper clippings. One of them was related to the accident. It was headlined: "Two Survive Head-On Collision". After a cursory glance at the text, I noticed something odd. It said, "Both the husband and child, a three year old girl, sustained life-threatening wounds. The husband was found unconscious on the scene. The girl was found twenty meters away from the vehicle, crying." I swallowed, trying to remember back to what happened that day. The feeling of crashing, of the world slowing down, then breaking, returned. And then there was a hand. My dad's hand. Or was it? If he was unconscious, who pulled me out of that wreck?
I looked up at my dad. He was smiling.
I shot up and started backing up slowly toward the door. "No, not you, too. What is this? What's happening? Who are you?"
My dad, or whatever was controlling him, laughed."Oh, Lauren, Lauren, Lauren. You know who we are." he purred as he stood up. He lifted his hands and the lights began to flicker then bend in a way which shouldn't have been possible. Dark figures began to propagate from the shadows along the walls. The pictures nailed there began to blink out of existence. I turned to run toward the door but the handle was gone. Glass shards materialized all around me and swarmed like locusts. Certain I was going to die, I dropped down on my knees and once again turned to prayer, this time asking God to directly intervene and save me.
Everything went quiet.
"Honey? Are you okay?"
I didn't trust his voice. I knew if I opened my eyes, I'd see that awful smile. He was just toying with me. "It's not you," I said in between muttered prayers. "I know it's not you."
"Honey," my dad said, closer. I felt his arms wrap around me. This was it, I was going to be suffocated. I waited for the inevitable crushing weight of my chest collapsing. I waited to break all over again.
"I would never hurt you, Lauren. I love you more than anything in the whole world."
I burst out in tears. "No, it's not you, I know it's not you. You don't exist!"
My dad's weight dissipated. I opened my eyes and saw that he was no longer there. "Dad?" I called aloud. "Dad? Where did you go?"
I checked all over the house, but there was no trace of him. There were still pictures of him all over the house, so I knew he hadn't blinked out of existence like everything else, but somehow he was missing.
***
I left the house and got a room at a hotel, where I am now. I'm sure at this point that whatever is happening to me is no longer random. Something out there is actively trying to hunt me. Maybe it has been my whole life, but only now it can see me—however weird that sounds. If that's right, then God has been on my side trying to protect me from this demon or monster or devil or whatever it is. Regardless, the methods I was using when I was younger are not going to cut it anymore. I already posted my story in several other small circles and have gotten one reply. A man who goes by the name "Trent" (apparently it's an alias). He said that he has some insight into my "condition" and can offer help if I want it. I'm planning on meeting with him tomorrow. I'm not sure if it's a good idea, but at this point I need answers. I can keep you updated with my progress if that interests you, and to anyone who knows anything about what's happening to me, please… I could really use your help.
***
I was just about to post this when Trent sent another message. This is what it says:
Trent: We can do the \*** at **** O'clock. Also, if what you're telling me is true, your mother may still be alive.*
2024.05.15 20:09 Weathers_Writing I think God might be real, just not in the way you think
When I was three years old I was in a really bad car accident. I didn't know it at the time, but that singular event would come to define everything about my life moving forward. What I remember about the accident is mostly a collage of backdated comments I was able to reel out of my father in the following years. He was driving me and my mom in his old '91 Chevy Tahoe through the twisting backroads of Southern Illinois, weaving his way through the gnarled branches of oak trees which interlocked into a braided ceiling overhead. A fog had rolled in, giving the impression that we were driving through a cloudy tube. Everything was simultaneously bright and opaque. I didn't mind though, as I was in the back seat working on a coloring book. My mom was in the front, talking with my dad or turning around to entertain my completed pictures.
Although I was of the age where my memory was just beginning to mature, I still recall two things very clearly from the accident. First was the sensation of breaking. I remember feeling the way a plate must feel to be dropped: weightless at first, then suddenly meeting a much larger, more solid object—the air popped like a firecracker, and the entirety of my body shattered into hundreds of fractals. And then I remember a hand. It was my dad's hand pulling me from the wreck.
I ended up hospitalized for weeks after the crash. My mom was less lucky. The impact had killed her instantly.
As I've alluded to, I was young, and at the time I didn't fully understand the implications of what had happened. I knew something was missing, but it was like a word on the tip of my tongue, or the forgotten vanilla in a cherished cake recipe—coloring my experience, but not the whole of it. Not like my dad. For him, it was the whole fucking cake. He had somehow made it out with only a few scratches. I'm sure he had a really bad case of survivor's guilt, and frankly, looking back, I wouldn't have blamed him if he slumped into despair and spent his days drinking away his sorrow. But he wasn't that type of man. He got help. It took him years before he was able to recall anything that happened that morning, and most of it is still repressed, but he shared with me what he could. Or at least that's what I had thought.
My dad was a Middle School teacher since before I was born, and he kept his job until very recently. As a result, we didn't have much by way of resources. I grew up on Disney Channel and TV dinners for the most part, but I didn't mind. When I became of school age, his job actually made caring for me pretty convenient. Since our Elementary and Middle schools were connected, he was able to drive me there and back each day.
It was around third or fourth grade that I realized I was different. I didn't understand the other children or even the adults most of the time. They would say things then immediately change their mind, or they would talk about something and in the next breath forget its existence entirely. I remember one day at lunch, I had just gotten my tray of hot food and sat down with some friends. One of the kids, Alex, was talking about a stuffed bird he had won for getting first place in Mr. Curtis's pop-up math competition. We were all admiring its blue wings and white belly and sharp black beak and beady eyes. I left mid-conversation to get a chocolate milk. When I came back, I asked to see the bird again, and Alex said "what bird?" I was perplexed. "The bird—the bluejay you were just showing us." I remember all of the other kids looking at me like I was crazy. I figured they were all playing a trick on me, so I got up and went over to Alex's seat and crouched down, looking under the table, then I sprung up and tried to open his lunchbox. "What are you doing!?" he yelled. I felt so confused and embarrassed that I ran to the bathroom to cry.
And then there was another time a group of kids were laughing about a joke one of the girls, Taylor, had made about our homeroom teacher's face looking like a seal. I knew it was mean, but at the time I just wanted to fit in so I played along, but when I made a comment about her resemblance to the semi-aquatic animal, they all looked at me confused. "What are you talking about? We never said that…"
These misattributions kept happening, and it led to me being ostracized from most of the little childish cliques that popped up. I developed a quasi-standoffish temperament which I used as a shield against a chaotic world that I didn't understand. My dad eventually had me tested for ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder), but I passed the test. He asked if I wanted to move to a different town with different schoolmates, thinking that perhaps I was getting bullied, but I told him it was fine. Somewhere deep down I felt like no matter where I went, this problem would follow me.
You may think that I was simply coping with the absence of my mom, and while I'm sure that her absence has left certain holes in my life, kindly, no, that wasn't what was happening. You see, at first I didn't notice the instances of what I'll call "blinking". I simply thought that I was misremembering things: objects, words, events. They were all little things anyway. A bird, a joke, my pencil box. It wasn't until sixth grade that I realized the magnitude of the phenomenon.
I was in my dad's 6th grade Social Studies class and we had just been assigned our "Ancient Civilizations" project which involved creating a diorama of our chosen civilization and presenting its features to the class. My friend at the time, Claire, had taken my first choice of Ancient Rome (which we had a heated argument about at lunch), so I was left with Ancient Egypt. At the time, all I pictured for Egypt was a plate of sand. However, my dad and I went through some illustrated history books and pictures on the internet and he really built up the project for me.
Over the course of a couple months, he helped me shape three pyramids out of small wooden planks and a bunch of tan clay. We placed them in the center of a giant square shoebox lid which served as the container for the diorama. Then he bought some small wooden mannequin puppets and we dressed them up in cloth clothes (mostly kilts and tunics) and colored their eyes, mouths, and hair. We added a few obelisks and some small box-huts which were collected into a little village around the Nile. Finally, we added a light glaze of glue where we felt would be necessary and then covered the whole project with golden glitter.
As we worked on each part of the diorama, my dad helped me understand what we were adding and why it was important to Ancient Egypt. I loved the way he talked about history. He spun everything into a miraculous story. To this day, I don't think I've ever had a teacher who came close to his level of charisma and creativity. As a result, I became really proud of my diorama. I memorized all the little details and rehearsed my speech in front of the mirror for hours leading up to the last couple weeks of class. And then, two days before I was supposed to give my presentation, everything fell apart.
First, I need to apologize for deceiving you about an aspect of my story. I thought it might help you to understand what I was going through at the time. What I'm about to tell you is going to sound insane. I get that. But please hear me out. The truth is that I was never assigned to present on Ancient Egypt; everything else about Clair taking my first pick and dad helping me with the whole project and my excitement leading up to the presentation was all true, but it wasn't a project on Ancient Egypt, it was a project on Ancient Sidovan, which was a civilization located on the eighth continent called "Catalan" (the same name as the spoken language, but unrelated) which was due West of Australia in the Indian Ocean.
I know this sounds incredible, and if you want to believe it's all in my head, I get that, but I remember clearly all sorts of facts about it: the Malagasy, the same people who populated Madagascar, were the first peoples to discover Catalan and settle it. However, about five hundred years later, Indian ships would arrive and create the civilization known as Sidovan. A pidgin language formed between the indigenous population and new arriving Indians called "Hiesa" (pronounced: Hai-E-suh or Hai-ʔ-suh). Catalan had a warm climate with plenty of natural resources, but Sidovan had a dense enough population to require agricultural production. They grew rice, grain, sugarcane, vegetables, and even tobacco.
I remembered all of these facts and more. My diorama reflected the main features of the Sidovan civilization. And then two days before my presentation, I woke up and my diorama was entirely different. The hilly grasslands were traded out for sandy dunes. The Hindu statues and stone palaces became clay pyramids and large spear-like pillars. And everything was covered with the ickiest yellow glitter I had ever seen. Tears stung my eyes as I trampled over to my dad's room and banged on his door. "Dad! What did you do!?" I yelled.
"Honey?" He responded, rushing over to the base of the stairs. "What's wrong?"
"The diorama. It's ruined!"
"It's what?" he asked and ran up the stairs, leading me to my room. He looked over it for a few seconds, checking to see if everything was intact, then said, "I don't see it, honey. Where is it ruined?"
I was completely dumb-struck. What did he mean he didn't see it? "All of it!" I shouted. "The whole thing is wrong. Where's the grass and the stone buildings and the lady with the four arms and the elephants? Where is my project!?"
My dad looked at me in silence. "Lauren, baby, what civilization do you think you were working on?"
"Ancient Sidovan, of course! We've been working on this for months now! Dad, please tell me you remember."
He knelt down and put his hands on my shoulders. "Honey, your project was on Ancient Egypt. There is no Ancient Sidovan."
"Y-you're lying." I protested. "Books, you have books. On your bookshelf."
He took me into his study and showed me all of his books. None of them were on Ancient Sidovan. He even turned on his computer and typed in the name of the civilization, but all that came up was a near match "Sidon". I remember feeling the sudden urge to puke. My entire body felt like it was pumping battery acid instead of blood. "I—I don't," I started but suddenly my head felt very light, and I fainted.
When I woke up, I was in the hospital. I had lost consciousness for over half an hour, enough time for my dad to call 9-1-1 and have the ambulance transport me to the nearest ER. They ran all sorts of tests on me, but they all came back fine. After a couple hours of IV fluids and monitoring, they released me with my dad.
I ended up skipping the rest of school that week. My dad didn't make me present my diorama. In fact, he never brought the subject up again. Part of me was glad. I just wanted to forget the whole thing ever happened. But another part of me couldn't move past what was clearly the most absurd thing to ever happen to me. About a week after the incident, I tried to broach the subject, but when I asked my dad about it, he didn't seem to remember our conversation at all. He said I had fallen ill and that's why I needed to go to the ER and miss class. I felt like I was going crazy. If I was older, I probably would have voluntarily checked myself into a psychiatric ward. But I was young and helpless and alone, and I decided that if I just ignored the changes well enough, I could still get along. This proved difficult though, as the blinking would only exacerbate in the coming months.
Up until the time of the project, I hadn't been able to directly observe the phenomenon. It was always in retrospect that things disappeared. It was during the summer after sixth grade that this changed. I still remember the first time it happened. I had just gotten out of the shower and was drying my hair in front of the mirror. After it was dried, I threw on my clothes then went to tie my hair up in a ponytail, but as I went to set the elastic tie, I felt its weight dissipate in my hand. I gasped and held my hand out. The circular black band was gone.
Fast forward to seventh grade and the blinking had spiraled out of control. Reflecting back on it, most people would probably have assumed I was drinking psilocybin-infused water, as the delusions were somewhat consistent with psychedelic phenomena: except these distortions were real (at least they felt that way to me).
I'd wake up and grab the box of Special K but end up eating Cheerios. The McDonalds logo would look yellow and red one day, but purple and black the next. I'd be watching a show, and then a different show, and then a different one. It was as if the entire universe was a Christmas tree with millions of lights, and the lights kept shifting hues randomly, faster and faster, and I was the only one who could see their changing colors. I remember one night my dad made spaghetti for dinner and we went out onto the porch to eat it. While we were sitting, I saw our neighbor's house, a two story townhome, blink and become a single story bungalow. I gasped, and my dad asked what was wrong, but when I tried to explain he just gave me a strange look. For him, no matter what changed, the world was "always that way". While for me, it didn't have "a way".
The situation peaked when Clair, that friend I mentioned before, disappeared. I texted her (my dad had bought me a BlackBerry at the beginning of summer break) but didn't get a response. When I asked her other friends if they knew where she was, I got the usual "what are you talking about?" look. I knew right away what had happened, even though I didn't want to believe it. I went to the teacher and asked if there was a Clair in our class. She said "no". I broke down in front of everyone. I couldn't take it anymore. I ran out of school. The lady at the front desk tried to stop me, but I just barrelled past her. I kept running until I got to a big park across the street and bawled my eyes out until the police arrived and escorted me home. When they tried asking me what was wrong, I didn't say anything. There was literally nothing I could say that they would understand.
That night I prayed to God for the first time. My dad wasn't a religious man. He went to Catholic church with my mom when she was alive, but after she died he never went back. Still, I knew how to pray, even if I never did it. I copied some of the people I saw praying in movies and interlocked my fingers and knelt down on my bed, stuffing my head into a pillow. "Dear God," I said, "Please, please, please help me." I told Him about my struggles and asked Him to make them stop. I spent an hour saying the same things over and over again. And when I was finished, my little body was so tired, I fell right to sleep.
I knew something was different the second I opened my eyelids. I didn't only feel relieved, but I felt… embraced. I felt like someone was watching over me. I felt like I wasn't alone. I moved through my day with cautious apprehension. I didn't want to get my hopes up only to be let down. But to my surprise, the blinking had stopped. At least I couldn't remember any of the inconsistencies, and to me, that was a win. I began to pray regularly, and the more I did, the more I could feel the sense that someone was looking out for me. It was like I was getting a big hug from some cosmic force that loved me and wanted me to be happy.
I made it a habit to pray regularly. I asked my dad if he could take me to a church, and he agreed to take me to St. Mark's, the same church that he and my mom used to attend. Over time, I realized that the actual church services weren't as important to me as the praying. For whatever reason, there was something about praying that was like a glue for my brain, holding the entire universe together. As I got older, I considered that maybe it wasn't that the changes were no longer happening, but that I simply didn't see them anymore. In other words, maybe I was just becoming like everyone else. Either way, I didn't mind.
In my teenage years, I got into mindfulness meditation. I thought that I'd want to go into religious studies and become a theologian, so I started to learn about Eastern traditions in addition to Christianity. I joined a bunch of different school clubs to meet kids of different faiths: Judaism, Hinduism, Buddhism, Islam. I tried to find a common thread which linked them all and would explain what happened to me as a child. The metaphors of Heaven and Hell, Good and Evil, the Taoist Yin and Yang—duality. Every religion seemed to speak about a way of being that would lead to a better place. In some cases that better place was a physical future existence, and in others it was merely being in contact with the perfection of nature or the present. Metaphorically, the teachings could explain what I had gone through in a kind of loose way, but there were no explicit statements about my condition.
***
I want to fast forward to why I've decided to write about this now. To give you an idea of where I'm at, I'm now 25 and working on finishing my MA in Computational Linguistics. I know that's a bit of a switch from what I was thinking when I was a teenager, but I really only interested in religion because of the value praying afforded me as a child. I didn't actually have much interest in the subject, itself. After my first year of college, I changed to an English major, which ultimately led to me taking a linguistics class and enjoying it so much that I switched tracks in my Junior year. Considering the state of the world, I thought minoring in Computer Science might help me financially in the future, so I ended up charting a path which I figured might lead to something like developing translation software.
Anyway, everything was going fine until a few weeks ago. I was out at an all-night diner with a few of my friends from the program. There was Jeremy, Martin, Bella, Jordan, and Macy. We had been working on a group project together involving modeling construction grammars by generating primitive 3D structures using C# and running the code through a game engine (it's a bit weird, but essentially we were trying to create a multidimensional model for language using a similar but more advanced concept than other LLMs), and just had a breakthrough. It was 2AM though and not a brain cell existed between the six of us, so instead we focused on a different problem: Macy's ongoing breakup with her semi-long distance trucker boyfriend. We tried to explain why Mike wasn't going to work out as we ordered a round of milkshakes and waited for the lone overnight kitchen worker to scoop out three balls of ice cream from the Deans carton for each of us, blend it, then have the server deliver the vintage diner glasses on a plastic tray.
I dug into my thick strawberry shake with a spoon. It was delicious. I kept eating but focused back on the conversation. I remember feeling something odd about one of the scoops, but I was so entrenched in Macy's story that I didn't notice the metal shard in my ice cream until I felt it against my lip. "P-tuh" I spat out the shard and ice cream all in one motion, then covered my mouth which I was sure was bleeding. The silver blade was probably as large as my thumb, and it had two jagged edges, as if it was fastened for the purpose of causing damage. "What the fuck!" I yelled.
Everyone at the table turned to see what was the matter. "Hey, Lauren, you okay?"
I spoke through a covered mouth, using my free hand to point at the table. "That was in my—"
But it was gone.
"In your… shake? Was something in your shake?" asked Jeremy.
I froze. In that moment, the stories of my childhood that I had only remembered as faint nightmares came back in a wave of crushing terror. How could I have been so stupid to think they would simply vanish forever? No, this isn't the same thing, I thought. But deep down, I knew it was. I drew my hand away from my lips and saw that it was dry—no blood. When I looked back up, all of the blood in my veins went cold. My friends were… smiling at me. Their lips were elastic like taffy, stretching to reveal their teeth. I could feel them radiating malevolence, as if the only thing holding them back from picking up their utensils and stabbing me to death was some thinly veiled force field. The moment lasted for what felt like half a minute, then Jordan said two words which made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.
"Found you"
The words ricocheted in my now adrenaline powered skull. But just as he spoke them, the world blinked and my friends were back. Bella reached out and grabbed my hand. I pulled away, but when I saw her concerned expression, I relented.
"Sorry, guys, I think I'm going to have to call it." I said.
"You sure, L?" asked Jordan. "You look like you just saw a ghost."
"Yeah, thanks, but I just…" I stumbled for a lie, but when one wouldn't come, Martin stood up and said he'd walk me out to my car.
"Thanks," I said as I got into my little 2015 Jetta. "It's just been a long day."
"No problem, Lauren. You know, if there's ever anything—"
"I know," I said but didn't mean. Some things just couldn't be shared.
I drove for about five minutes before stopping at a gas station. I pulled in and parked near the back. Then I interlocked my fingers and prayed for half an hour. I apologized for not taking my praying seriously and asked to once again be granted peace. Unlike my younger years, I also drifted into other avenues of thought. I imagined my mom. I pictured the whole arc of my life, all of the little decisions that led me to where I was. I cried for a long time. I felt like that little girl again reaching out for help. I still felt so lost, so out of control; there were so many things missing, and I was so confused.
I decided then to take a trip back home and visit my dad who was now working as a private tutor. He made enough prepping affluent students for the ACT and SAT that he could spend his free time pursuing his real passions: reading and writing. When I arrived at his doorstep that weekend, he greeted me with open arms. "How are you, kiddo? It's been, what? A year or so?"
It was actually more like two years, but I didn't tell him. I just smiled and nodded.
"Well, come in."
The house was almost exactly how I remembered it. Linoleum floors, beige walls, a few scattered pictures, the scent of camomile. Everything minimalist. There was a quaintness, a prettiness to the way everything seemed to be well kept and in a perfect place. From the cherry wood chairs we'd sit in to eat, to the cream-colored loveseat. I felt at home.
I spent the drive thinking of what I would talk to my dad about, but ultimately I wasn't sure what I'd say. I loved my dad, but I think growing up it was easy to see him as naive. After all, arguably the most important episodes of my childhood were completely unknown to him. In that way, I kind of loved him from a distance. Maybe losing my mom also played into that. Maybe I just had trust issues. And after what happened at the diner… Luckily there hadn't been any blinks since.
I stayed for a couple days and he showed me around some of the different coffee shops where he'd tutor kids or write some of his stories. I met some of his friends, mostly other retired or part-time teachers who were in a similar place in life. I was happy for him. Then, on Sunday, he made me my favorite meal growing up: homemade carbonara pasta with chicken and broccoli. The sauce had a few different cheeses, butter, olive oil, and a raw egg yolk. It was the perfect blend of creamy, savory, and sweet. After we ate, he cracked open a scrapbook of some old photos and other clippings he had put together.
We reminisced about the past and laughed whenever I'd cover up one of my awkward pictures. He brought up some stories from school that I had forgotten, naming some teachers that I hadn't thought about in years. Apparently I had started at the end, because as I moved to the other end of the book, I kept getting younger and younger. I flipped to the last pages and noticed a couple pictures of my mom that made my heart sink.
"She was beautiful, wasn't she?" said my dad.
"Mmm," I agreed.
I flipped to the last page and saw a collage of newspaper clippings. One of them was related to the accident. It was headlined: "Two Survive Head-On Collision". After a cursory glance at the text, I noticed something odd. It said, "Both the husband and child, a three year old girl, sustained life-threatening wounds. The husband was found unconscious on the scene. The girl was found twenty meters away from the vehicle, crying." I swallowed, trying to remember back to what happened that day. The feeling of crashing, of the world slowing down, then breaking, returned. And then there was a hand. My dad's hand. Or was it? If he was unconscious, who pulled me out of that wreck?
I looked up at my dad. He was smiling.
I shot up and started backing up slowly toward the door. "No, not you, too. What is this? What's happening? Who are you?"
My dad, or whatever was controlling him, laughed."Oh, Lauren, Lauren, Lauren. You know who we are." he purred as he stood up. He lifted his hands and the lights began to flicker then bend in a way which shouldn't have been possible. Dark figures began to propagate from the shadows along the walls. The pictures nailed there began to blink out of existence. I turned to run toward the door but the handle was gone. Glass shards materialized all around me and swarmed like locusts. Certain I was going to die, I dropped down on my knees and once again turned to prayer, this time asking God to directly intervene and save me.
Everything went quiet.
"Honey? Are you okay?"
I didn't trust his voice. I knew if I opened my eyes, I'd see that awful smile. He was just toying with me. "It's not you," I said in between muttered prayers. "I know it's not you."
"Honey," my dad said, closer. I felt his arms wrap around me. This was it, I was going to be suffocated. I waited for the inevitable crushing weight of my chest collapsing. I waited to break all over again.
"I would never hurt you, Lauren. I love you more than anything in the whole world."
I burst out in tears. "No, it's not you, I know it's not you. You don't exist!"
My dad's weight dissipated. I opened my eyes and saw that he was no longer there. "Dad?" I called aloud. "Dad? Where did you go?"
I checked all over the house, but there was no trace of him. There were still pictures of him all over the house, so I knew he hadn't blinked out of existence like everything else, but somehow he was missing.
***
I left the house and got a room at a hotel, where I am now. I'm sure at this point that whatever is happening to me is no longer random. Something out there is actively trying to hunt me. Maybe it has been my whole life, but only now it can see me—however weird that sounds. If that's right, then God has been on my side trying to protect me from this demon or monster or devil or whatever it is. Regardless, the methods I was using when I was younger are not going to cut it anymore. I already posted my story in several other small circles and have gotten one reply. A man who goes by the name "Trent" (apparently it's an alias). He said that he has some insight into my "condition" and can offer help if I want it. I'm planning on meeting with him tomorrow. I'm not sure if it's a good idea, but at this point I need answers. I can keep you updated with my progress if that interests you, and to anyone who knows anything about what's happening to me, please… I could really use your help.
***
I was just about to post this when Trent sent another message. This is what it says:
Trent: We can do the \*** at **** O'clock. Also, if what you're telling me is true, your mother may still be alive.*
submitted by Weathers_Writing to nosleep [link] [comments]
Although I was of the age where my memory was just beginning to mature, I still recall two things very clearly from the accident. First was the sensation of breaking. I remember feeling the way a plate must feel to be dropped: weightless at first, then suddenly meeting a much larger, more solid object—the air popped like a firecracker, and the entirety of my body shattered into hundreds of fractals. And then I remember a hand. It was my dad's hand pulling me from the wreck.
I ended up hospitalized for weeks after the crash. My mom was less lucky. The impact had killed her instantly.
As I've alluded to, I was young, and at the time I didn't fully understand the implications of what had happened. I knew something was missing, but it was like a word on the tip of my tongue, or the forgotten vanilla in a cherished cake recipe—coloring my experience, but not the whole of it. Not like my dad. For him, it was the whole fucking cake. He had somehow made it out with only a few scratches. I'm sure he had a really bad case of survivor's guilt, and frankly, looking back, I wouldn't have blamed him if he slumped into despair and spent his days drinking away his sorrow. But he wasn't that type of man. He got help. It took him years before he was able to recall anything that happened that morning, and most of it is still repressed, but he shared with me what he could. Or at least that's what I had thought.
My dad was a Middle School teacher since before I was born, and he kept his job until very recently. As a result, we didn't have much by way of resources. I grew up on Disney Channel and TV dinners for the most part, but I didn't mind. When I became of school age, his job actually made caring for me pretty convenient. Since our Elementary and Middle schools were connected, he was able to drive me there and back each day.
It was around third or fourth grade that I realized I was different. I didn't understand the other children or even the adults most of the time. They would say things then immediately change their mind, or they would talk about something and in the next breath forget its existence entirely. I remember one day at lunch, I had just gotten my tray of hot food and sat down with some friends. One of the kids, Alex, was talking about a stuffed bird he had won for getting first place in Mr. Curtis's pop-up math competition. We were all admiring its blue wings and white belly and sharp black beak and beady eyes. I left mid-conversation to get a chocolate milk. When I came back, I asked to see the bird again, and Alex said "what bird?" I was perplexed. "The bird—the bluejay you were just showing us." I remember all of the other kids looking at me like I was crazy. I figured they were all playing a trick on me, so I got up and went over to Alex's seat and crouched down, looking under the table, then I sprung up and tried to open his lunchbox. "What are you doing!?" he yelled. I felt so confused and embarrassed that I ran to the bathroom to cry.
And then there was another time a group of kids were laughing about a joke one of the girls, Taylor, had made about our homeroom teacher's face looking like a seal. I knew it was mean, but at the time I just wanted to fit in so I played along, but when I made a comment about her resemblance to the semi-aquatic animal, they all looked at me confused. "What are you talking about? We never said that…"
These misattributions kept happening, and it led to me being ostracized from most of the little childish cliques that popped up. I developed a quasi-standoffish temperament which I used as a shield against a chaotic world that I didn't understand. My dad eventually had me tested for ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder), but I passed the test. He asked if I wanted to move to a different town with different schoolmates, thinking that perhaps I was getting bullied, but I told him it was fine. Somewhere deep down I felt like no matter where I went, this problem would follow me.
You may think that I was simply coping with the absence of my mom, and while I'm sure that her absence has left certain holes in my life, kindly, no, that wasn't what was happening. You see, at first I didn't notice the instances of what I'll call "blinking". I simply thought that I was misremembering things: objects, words, events. They were all little things anyway. A bird, a joke, my pencil box. It wasn't until sixth grade that I realized the magnitude of the phenomenon.
I was in my dad's 6th grade Social Studies class and we had just been assigned our "Ancient Civilizations" project which involved creating a diorama of our chosen civilization and presenting its features to the class. My friend at the time, Claire, had taken my first choice of Ancient Rome (which we had a heated argument about at lunch), so I was left with Ancient Egypt. At the time, all I pictured for Egypt was a plate of sand. However, my dad and I went through some illustrated history books and pictures on the internet and he really built up the project for me.
Over the course of a couple months, he helped me shape three pyramids out of small wooden planks and a bunch of tan clay. We placed them in the center of a giant square shoebox lid which served as the container for the diorama. Then he bought some small wooden mannequin puppets and we dressed them up in cloth clothes (mostly kilts and tunics) and colored their eyes, mouths, and hair. We added a few obelisks and some small box-huts which were collected into a little village around the Nile. Finally, we added a light glaze of glue where we felt would be necessary and then covered the whole project with golden glitter.
As we worked on each part of the diorama, my dad helped me understand what we were adding and why it was important to Ancient Egypt. I loved the way he talked about history. He spun everything into a miraculous story. To this day, I don't think I've ever had a teacher who came close to his level of charisma and creativity. As a result, I became really proud of my diorama. I memorized all the little details and rehearsed my speech in front of the mirror for hours leading up to the last couple weeks of class. And then, two days before I was supposed to give my presentation, everything fell apart.
First, I need to apologize for deceiving you about an aspect of my story. I thought it might help you to understand what I was going through at the time. What I'm about to tell you is going to sound insane. I get that. But please hear me out. The truth is that I was never assigned to present on Ancient Egypt; everything else about Clair taking my first pick and dad helping me with the whole project and my excitement leading up to the presentation was all true, but it wasn't a project on Ancient Egypt, it was a project on Ancient Sidovan, which was a civilization located on the eighth continent called "Catalan" (the same name as the spoken language, but unrelated) which was due West of Australia in the Indian Ocean.
I know this sounds incredible, and if you want to believe it's all in my head, I get that, but I remember clearly all sorts of facts about it: the Malagasy, the same people who populated Madagascar, were the first peoples to discover Catalan and settle it. However, about five hundred years later, Indian ships would arrive and create the civilization known as Sidovan. A pidgin language formed between the indigenous population and new arriving Indians called "Hiesa" (pronounced: Hai-E-suh or Hai-ʔ-suh). Catalan had a warm climate with plenty of natural resources, but Sidovan had a dense enough population to require agricultural production. They grew rice, grain, sugarcane, vegetables, and even tobacco.
I remembered all of these facts and more. My diorama reflected the main features of the Sidovan civilization. And then two days before my presentation, I woke up and my diorama was entirely different. The hilly grasslands were traded out for sandy dunes. The Hindu statues and stone palaces became clay pyramids and large spear-like pillars. And everything was covered with the ickiest yellow glitter I had ever seen. Tears stung my eyes as I trampled over to my dad's room and banged on his door. "Dad! What did you do!?" I yelled.
"Honey?" He responded, rushing over to the base of the stairs. "What's wrong?"
"The diorama. It's ruined!"
"It's what?" he asked and ran up the stairs, leading me to my room. He looked over it for a few seconds, checking to see if everything was intact, then said, "I don't see it, honey. Where is it ruined?"
I was completely dumb-struck. What did he mean he didn't see it? "All of it!" I shouted. "The whole thing is wrong. Where's the grass and the stone buildings and the lady with the four arms and the elephants? Where is my project!?"
My dad looked at me in silence. "Lauren, baby, what civilization do you think you were working on?"
"Ancient Sidovan, of course! We've been working on this for months now! Dad, please tell me you remember."
He knelt down and put his hands on my shoulders. "Honey, your project was on Ancient Egypt. There is no Ancient Sidovan."
"Y-you're lying." I protested. "Books, you have books. On your bookshelf."
He took me into his study and showed me all of his books. None of them were on Ancient Sidovan. He even turned on his computer and typed in the name of the civilization, but all that came up was a near match "Sidon". I remember feeling the sudden urge to puke. My entire body felt like it was pumping battery acid instead of blood. "I—I don't," I started but suddenly my head felt very light, and I fainted.
When I woke up, I was in the hospital. I had lost consciousness for over half an hour, enough time for my dad to call 9-1-1 and have the ambulance transport me to the nearest ER. They ran all sorts of tests on me, but they all came back fine. After a couple hours of IV fluids and monitoring, they released me with my dad.
I ended up skipping the rest of school that week. My dad didn't make me present my diorama. In fact, he never brought the subject up again. Part of me was glad. I just wanted to forget the whole thing ever happened. But another part of me couldn't move past what was clearly the most absurd thing to ever happen to me. About a week after the incident, I tried to broach the subject, but when I asked my dad about it, he didn't seem to remember our conversation at all. He said I had fallen ill and that's why I needed to go to the ER and miss class. I felt like I was going crazy. If I was older, I probably would have voluntarily checked myself into a psychiatric ward. But I was young and helpless and alone, and I decided that if I just ignored the changes well enough, I could still get along. This proved difficult though, as the blinking would only exacerbate in the coming months.
Up until the time of the project, I hadn't been able to directly observe the phenomenon. It was always in retrospect that things disappeared. It was during the summer after sixth grade that this changed. I still remember the first time it happened. I had just gotten out of the shower and was drying my hair in front of the mirror. After it was dried, I threw on my clothes then went to tie my hair up in a ponytail, but as I went to set the elastic tie, I felt its weight dissipate in my hand. I gasped and held my hand out. The circular black band was gone.
Fast forward to seventh grade and the blinking had spiraled out of control. Reflecting back on it, most people would probably have assumed I was drinking psilocybin-infused water, as the delusions were somewhat consistent with psychedelic phenomena: except these distortions were real (at least they felt that way to me).
I'd wake up and grab the box of Special K but end up eating Cheerios. The McDonalds logo would look yellow and red one day, but purple and black the next. I'd be watching a show, and then a different show, and then a different one. It was as if the entire universe was a Christmas tree with millions of lights, and the lights kept shifting hues randomly, faster and faster, and I was the only one who could see their changing colors. I remember one night my dad made spaghetti for dinner and we went out onto the porch to eat it. While we were sitting, I saw our neighbor's house, a two story townhome, blink and become a single story bungalow. I gasped, and my dad asked what was wrong, but when I tried to explain he just gave me a strange look. For him, no matter what changed, the world was "always that way". While for me, it didn't have "a way".
The situation peaked when Clair, that friend I mentioned before, disappeared. I texted her (my dad had bought me a BlackBerry at the beginning of summer break) but didn't get a response. When I asked her other friends if they knew where she was, I got the usual "what are you talking about?" look. I knew right away what had happened, even though I didn't want to believe it. I went to the teacher and asked if there was a Clair in our class. She said "no". I broke down in front of everyone. I couldn't take it anymore. I ran out of school. The lady at the front desk tried to stop me, but I just barrelled past her. I kept running until I got to a big park across the street and bawled my eyes out until the police arrived and escorted me home. When they tried asking me what was wrong, I didn't say anything. There was literally nothing I could say that they would understand.
That night I prayed to God for the first time. My dad wasn't a religious man. He went to Catholic church with my mom when she was alive, but after she died he never went back. Still, I knew how to pray, even if I never did it. I copied some of the people I saw praying in movies and interlocked my fingers and knelt down on my bed, stuffing my head into a pillow. "Dear God," I said, "Please, please, please help me." I told Him about my struggles and asked Him to make them stop. I spent an hour saying the same things over and over again. And when I was finished, my little body was so tired, I fell right to sleep.
I knew something was different the second I opened my eyelids. I didn't only feel relieved, but I felt… embraced. I felt like someone was watching over me. I felt like I wasn't alone. I moved through my day with cautious apprehension. I didn't want to get my hopes up only to be let down. But to my surprise, the blinking had stopped. At least I couldn't remember any of the inconsistencies, and to me, that was a win. I began to pray regularly, and the more I did, the more I could feel the sense that someone was looking out for me. It was like I was getting a big hug from some cosmic force that loved me and wanted me to be happy.
I made it a habit to pray regularly. I asked my dad if he could take me to a church, and he agreed to take me to St. Mark's, the same church that he and my mom used to attend. Over time, I realized that the actual church services weren't as important to me as the praying. For whatever reason, there was something about praying that was like a glue for my brain, holding the entire universe together. As I got older, I considered that maybe it wasn't that the changes were no longer happening, but that I simply didn't see them anymore. In other words, maybe I was just becoming like everyone else. Either way, I didn't mind.
In my teenage years, I got into mindfulness meditation. I thought that I'd want to go into religious studies and become a theologian, so I started to learn about Eastern traditions in addition to Christianity. I joined a bunch of different school clubs to meet kids of different faiths: Judaism, Hinduism, Buddhism, Islam. I tried to find a common thread which linked them all and would explain what happened to me as a child. The metaphors of Heaven and Hell, Good and Evil, the Taoist Yin and Yang—duality. Every religion seemed to speak about a way of being that would lead to a better place. In some cases that better place was a physical future existence, and in others it was merely being in contact with the perfection of nature or the present. Metaphorically, the teachings could explain what I had gone through in a kind of loose way, but there were no explicit statements about my condition.
***
I want to fast forward to why I've decided to write about this now. To give you an idea of where I'm at, I'm now 25 and working on finishing my MA in Computational Linguistics. I know that's a bit of a switch from what I was thinking when I was a teenager, but I really only interested in religion because of the value praying afforded me as a child. I didn't actually have much interest in the subject, itself. After my first year of college, I changed to an English major, which ultimately led to me taking a linguistics class and enjoying it so much that I switched tracks in my Junior year. Considering the state of the world, I thought minoring in Computer Science might help me financially in the future, so I ended up charting a path which I figured might lead to something like developing translation software.
Anyway, everything was going fine until a few weeks ago. I was out at an all-night diner with a few of my friends from the program. There was Jeremy, Martin, Bella, Jordan, and Macy. We had been working on a group project together involving modeling construction grammars by generating primitive 3D structures using C# and running the code through a game engine (it's a bit weird, but essentially we were trying to create a multidimensional model for language using a similar but more advanced concept than other LLMs), and just had a breakthrough. It was 2AM though and not a brain cell existed between the six of us, so instead we focused on a different problem: Macy's ongoing breakup with her semi-long distance trucker boyfriend. We tried to explain why Mike wasn't going to work out as we ordered a round of milkshakes and waited for the lone overnight kitchen worker to scoop out three balls of ice cream from the Deans carton for each of us, blend it, then have the server deliver the vintage diner glasses on a plastic tray.
I dug into my thick strawberry shake with a spoon. It was delicious. I kept eating but focused back on the conversation. I remember feeling something odd about one of the scoops, but I was so entrenched in Macy's story that I didn't notice the metal shard in my ice cream until I felt it against my lip. "P-tuh" I spat out the shard and ice cream all in one motion, then covered my mouth which I was sure was bleeding. The silver blade was probably as large as my thumb, and it had two jagged edges, as if it was fastened for the purpose of causing damage. "What the fuck!" I yelled.
Everyone at the table turned to see what was the matter. "Hey, Lauren, you okay?"
I spoke through a covered mouth, using my free hand to point at the table. "That was in my—"
But it was gone.
"In your… shake? Was something in your shake?" asked Jeremy.
I froze. In that moment, the stories of my childhood that I had only remembered as faint nightmares came back in a wave of crushing terror. How could I have been so stupid to think they would simply vanish forever? No, this isn't the same thing, I thought. But deep down, I knew it was. I drew my hand away from my lips and saw that it was dry—no blood. When I looked back up, all of the blood in my veins went cold. My friends were… smiling at me. Their lips were elastic like taffy, stretching to reveal their teeth. I could feel them radiating malevolence, as if the only thing holding them back from picking up their utensils and stabbing me to death was some thinly veiled force field. The moment lasted for what felt like half a minute, then Jordan said two words which made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.
"Found you"
The words ricocheted in my now adrenaline powered skull. But just as he spoke them, the world blinked and my friends were back. Bella reached out and grabbed my hand. I pulled away, but when I saw her concerned expression, I relented.
"Sorry, guys, I think I'm going to have to call it." I said.
"You sure, L?" asked Jordan. "You look like you just saw a ghost."
"Yeah, thanks, but I just…" I stumbled for a lie, but when one wouldn't come, Martin stood up and said he'd walk me out to my car.
"Thanks," I said as I got into my little 2015 Jetta. "It's just been a long day."
"No problem, Lauren. You know, if there's ever anything—"
"I know," I said but didn't mean. Some things just couldn't be shared.
I drove for about five minutes before stopping at a gas station. I pulled in and parked near the back. Then I interlocked my fingers and prayed for half an hour. I apologized for not taking my praying seriously and asked to once again be granted peace. Unlike my younger years, I also drifted into other avenues of thought. I imagined my mom. I pictured the whole arc of my life, all of the little decisions that led me to where I was. I cried for a long time. I felt like that little girl again reaching out for help. I still felt so lost, so out of control; there were so many things missing, and I was so confused.
I decided then to take a trip back home and visit my dad who was now working as a private tutor. He made enough prepping affluent students for the ACT and SAT that he could spend his free time pursuing his real passions: reading and writing. When I arrived at his doorstep that weekend, he greeted me with open arms. "How are you, kiddo? It's been, what? A year or so?"
It was actually more like two years, but I didn't tell him. I just smiled and nodded.
"Well, come in."
The house was almost exactly how I remembered it. Linoleum floors, beige walls, a few scattered pictures, the scent of camomile. Everything minimalist. There was a quaintness, a prettiness to the way everything seemed to be well kept and in a perfect place. From the cherry wood chairs we'd sit in to eat, to the cream-colored loveseat. I felt at home.
I spent the drive thinking of what I would talk to my dad about, but ultimately I wasn't sure what I'd say. I loved my dad, but I think growing up it was easy to see him as naive. After all, arguably the most important episodes of my childhood were completely unknown to him. In that way, I kind of loved him from a distance. Maybe losing my mom also played into that. Maybe I just had trust issues. And after what happened at the diner… Luckily there hadn't been any blinks since.
I stayed for a couple days and he showed me around some of the different coffee shops where he'd tutor kids or write some of his stories. I met some of his friends, mostly other retired or part-time teachers who were in a similar place in life. I was happy for him. Then, on Sunday, he made me my favorite meal growing up: homemade carbonara pasta with chicken and broccoli. The sauce had a few different cheeses, butter, olive oil, and a raw egg yolk. It was the perfect blend of creamy, savory, and sweet. After we ate, he cracked open a scrapbook of some old photos and other clippings he had put together.
We reminisced about the past and laughed whenever I'd cover up one of my awkward pictures. He brought up some stories from school that I had forgotten, naming some teachers that I hadn't thought about in years. Apparently I had started at the end, because as I moved to the other end of the book, I kept getting younger and younger. I flipped to the last pages and noticed a couple pictures of my mom that made my heart sink.
"She was beautiful, wasn't she?" said my dad.
"Mmm," I agreed.
I flipped to the last page and saw a collage of newspaper clippings. One of them was related to the accident. It was headlined: "Two Survive Head-On Collision". After a cursory glance at the text, I noticed something odd. It said, "Both the husband and child, a three year old girl, sustained life-threatening wounds. The husband was found unconscious on the scene. The girl was found twenty meters away from the vehicle, crying." I swallowed, trying to remember back to what happened that day. The feeling of crashing, of the world slowing down, then breaking, returned. And then there was a hand. My dad's hand. Or was it? If he was unconscious, who pulled me out of that wreck?
I looked up at my dad. He was smiling.
I shot up and started backing up slowly toward the door. "No, not you, too. What is this? What's happening? Who are you?"
My dad, or whatever was controlling him, laughed."Oh, Lauren, Lauren, Lauren. You know who we are." he purred as he stood up. He lifted his hands and the lights began to flicker then bend in a way which shouldn't have been possible. Dark figures began to propagate from the shadows along the walls. The pictures nailed there began to blink out of existence. I turned to run toward the door but the handle was gone. Glass shards materialized all around me and swarmed like locusts. Certain I was going to die, I dropped down on my knees and once again turned to prayer, this time asking God to directly intervene and save me.
Everything went quiet.
"Honey? Are you okay?"
I didn't trust his voice. I knew if I opened my eyes, I'd see that awful smile. He was just toying with me. "It's not you," I said in between muttered prayers. "I know it's not you."
"Honey," my dad said, closer. I felt his arms wrap around me. This was it, I was going to be suffocated. I waited for the inevitable crushing weight of my chest collapsing. I waited to break all over again.
"I would never hurt you, Lauren. I love you more than anything in the whole world."
I burst out in tears. "No, it's not you, I know it's not you. You don't exist!"
My dad's weight dissipated. I opened my eyes and saw that he was no longer there. "Dad?" I called aloud. "Dad? Where did you go?"
I checked all over the house, but there was no trace of him. There were still pictures of him all over the house, so I knew he hadn't blinked out of existence like everything else, but somehow he was missing.
***
I left the house and got a room at a hotel, where I am now. I'm sure at this point that whatever is happening to me is no longer random. Something out there is actively trying to hunt me. Maybe it has been my whole life, but only now it can see me—however weird that sounds. If that's right, then God has been on my side trying to protect me from this demon or monster or devil or whatever it is. Regardless, the methods I was using when I was younger are not going to cut it anymore. I already posted my story in several other small circles and have gotten one reply. A man who goes by the name "Trent" (apparently it's an alias). He said that he has some insight into my "condition" and can offer help if I want it. I'm planning on meeting with him tomorrow. I'm not sure if it's a good idea, but at this point I need answers. I can keep you updated with my progress if that interests you, and to anyone who knows anything about what's happening to me, please… I could really use your help.
***
I was just about to post this when Trent sent another message. This is what it says:
Trent: We can do the \*** at **** O'clock. Also, if what you're telling me is true, your mother may still be alive.*
2024.05.15 18:25 chopraaa Vistara to merge with Air India, Club Vistara to close
Received this email today.
Dear Mr ,
First and foremost, on behalf of the entire team at Vistara, we would like to express our sincere gratitude for your continued patronage and support.
We are happy to inform you that Vistara will soon become a part of the Tata Group’s larger airline, Air India – thereby providing you access to a larger fleet and a wider global network.
The process of integration between Air India and Vistara is ongoing, while we await some regulatory approvals. As we work towards a merged, larger airline, Club Vistara will also, merge with Air India’s Flying Returns. The Club Vistara program will continue to exist until the integration is complete. Upon completion of the integration process, your Club Vistara account will be migrated to Air India’s Flying Returns.
Please find here some important information regarding the benefits of your Club Vistara membership, after the migration:
We deeply value our relationship with you and will be sharing more updates in the coming months, including the date of migration and how we can, together, make it seamless for you. Once again, thank you for placing your trust in us and being our valued member.
Sincerely,
Club Vistara
submitted by chopraaa to CreditCardsIndia [link] [comments]
First and foremost, on behalf of the entire team at Vistara, we would like to express our sincere gratitude for your continued patronage and support.
We are happy to inform you that Vistara will soon become a part of the Tata Group’s larger airline, Air India – thereby providing you access to a larger fleet and a wider global network.
The process of integration between Air India and Vistara is ongoing, while we await some regulatory approvals. As we work towards a merged, larger airline, Club Vistara will also, merge with Air India’s Flying Returns. The Club Vistara program will continue to exist until the integration is complete. Upon completion of the integration process, your Club Vistara account will be migrated to Air India’s Flying Returns.
Please find here some important information regarding the benefits of your Club Vistara membership, after the migration:
- Tier Status – Your tier status will be assigned based on the cumulative points of both programs. You will be able to maintain, at least, your current Club Vistara tier status or get upgraded if you qualify basis the cumulative points. Going forward, the rules of Flying Returns will apply.
- CV Points and Tier Points balance – On the day of migration, the CV Points balance and the Tier Points available in your account will be transferred to Flying Returns program at a 1:1 ratio. The points will remain valid for at least one year from the date of migration, even if they are due to expire sooner.
- Future bookings using CV Points and Complimentary Flight Ticket vouchers –
- All future bookings will be transferred, and you and your nominees will receive the revised flight details post migration.
- Any changes to the existing bookings will be as per Flying Returns’ rules, post the migration.
- Vouchers – All valid unutilized One-Class Upgrade vouchers and Complimentary Flight Ticket vouchers will be transferred to Flying Returns with the existing validity. The usage will be governed by the applicable program rules.
- Co-brand Cards – Updates regarding Club Vistara Co-brand Cards will be shared in the coming weeks.
We deeply value our relationship with you and will be sharing more updates in the coming months, including the date of migration and how we can, together, make it seamless for you. Once again, thank you for placing your trust in us and being our valued member.
Sincerely,
Club Vistara
2024.05.15 18:09 DudeSun_AG Dear Mr. Xi ...... Sincerely, Your Dear Friend, Janet .....
 | submitted by DudeSun_AG to Wallstreetsilver [link] [comments] |
2024.05.15 17:39 MNuttster [H] Bundle Games [W] Steam Wishlist or PayPal
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A Juggler's Tale (Steam)
Aces & Adventures (Steam)
Amberial Dreams (Steam)
Autonauts vs. Piratebots (Steam)
Bionic Commando Rearmed (Steam)
Blood Rage: Digital Edition (Steam)
Book of Demons (Steam)
Carcassonne - Tiles & Tactics (Steam)
Carcassonne - The Princess and The Dragon (Steam)
Carcassonne - Traders & Builders (Steam)
Carcassonne - Winter & Gingerbread Man (Steam)
Carcassonne - Inns & Cathedrals (Steam)
Carcassonne - The River (Steam)
Cook Serve Delicious! 3?! (Steam)
Creepy Tale 3: Ingrid Penance (Steam)
Dear Esther: Landmark Edition (Steam)
Demon Pit (Steam) x2
Devil Spire (Steam)
Draw Slasher (Steam
Dreamland Solitaire: Dark Prophecy (Steam)
DV: Rings of Saturn (Steam)
Earth X (Steam)
Emily Is Away (Steam)
Eternal Threads (Steam)
Fallout 1 (Steam)
Flashback (Steam)
Forgive Me Father (Steam)
Fury Unleashed (Steam)
GameGuru (Steam)
Going Under (Steam)
Gordian Quest (Steam)
Hellslave (Steam)
Hue (Steam)
Husk (Steam)
I Am Fish (Steam)
Ikenfell (Steam)
In Between (Steam)
Instant Farmer-Logic Puzzle (Steam)
Intruders: Hide and Seek (Steam)
Iron Fisticle (Steam)
Kraken Academy (Steam)
Leisure Suit Larry 7 - Love for Sail (Steam)
Lucky and a life worth living - a jigsaw puzzle (Steam) x2
Lust for Darkness (Steam)
Main Assembly (Steam)
Meeple Station (Steam)
Meridian: Squad 22 (Steam)
Monaco (Steam)
Monster Prom 2: Monster Camp (Steam)
Monument Builder: Alcatraz (Steam)
Motorcycle Mechanic Simulator 2021 (Steam)
Mr. Prepper (Steam)
Narcos: Rise of the Cartels (Steam)
NecroWorm (Steam)
Orbital Racer (Steam)
Out of Reach: Treasure Royale (Steam)
Pathway (Steam)
Perfect (Steam)
Pizza Connection 2 (Steam)
Post Void (Steam)
Project Highrise (Steam)
Pumped BMX Pro (Steam)
Quiplash 2 InterLASHional (Steam)
Radio Commander (Steam)
Rebel Inc: Escalation (Steam)
Rescue Party: Live! (Steam)
Rescue Team: Danger from Outer Space! (Steam)
RIOT: Civil Unrest (Steam)
Roarr! Jurassic Edition (Steam)
Rogue Heroes: Ruins of Tasos (Steam)
REZ PLZ (Steam)
Safety First (Steam)
Shapez + Puzzle DLC (Steam)
Sifu Deluxe Edition Upgrade Bundle DLC (Epic)
Silver Chains (Steam)
Slaycation Paradise (Steam)
Slinger VR (Steam)
Small World (Steam)
Small World: A Spider's Web (Steam)
Small World: Royal Bonus (Steam)
Small World: Be Not Afraid (Steam)
Small World: Grand Dames (Steam)
Small World: Cursed! (Steam)
Smile for Me (Steam)
Smoke and Sacrifice (Steam)
Soulblight (Steam)
Spirit of the Island (Steam)
Splendor (Steam)
Splendor: The Trading Posts (Steam)
Splendor: The Cities (Steam)
Survivalist: Invisible Strain (Steam)
Tallowmere (Steam)
Telefrag VR (Steam)
Terrain of Magical Expertise (Steam) x2
The Amazing American Circus (Steam)
The Inner World (Steam)
The Legend of Tianding (Steam)
The Textorcist: The Story of Ray Bibbia (Steam)
The USB Stick Found in the Grass (Steam)
Those Who Remain (Steam)
Torchlight (Steam)
Tristoy (Steam)
Turbo Golf Racing (Steam)
Ultra Street Fighter IV (Steam)
Unity of Command: Stalingrad Campaign (Steam)
Voltaire: The Vegan Vampire (Steam)
Warhammer 40,000: Gladius - Relics of War (Steam)
We Are Alright (Steam)
When Ski Lifts Go Wrong (Steam)
Who Pressed Mute on Uncle Marcus (Steam)
submitted by MNuttster to GameTrade [link] [comments]
https://store.steampowered.com/wishlist/id/MNuttster83/
A Juggler's Tale (Steam)
Aces & Adventures (Steam)
Amberial Dreams (Steam)
Autonauts vs. Piratebots (Steam)
Bionic Commando Rearmed (Steam)
Blood Rage: Digital Edition (Steam)
Book of Demons (Steam)
Carcassonne - Tiles & Tactics (Steam)
Carcassonne - The Princess and The Dragon (Steam)
Carcassonne - Traders & Builders (Steam)
Carcassonne - Winter & Gingerbread Man (Steam)
Carcassonne - Inns & Cathedrals (Steam)
Carcassonne - The River (Steam)
Cook Serve Delicious! 3?! (Steam)
Creepy Tale 3: Ingrid Penance (Steam)
Dear Esther: Landmark Edition (Steam)
Demon Pit (Steam) x2
Devil Spire (Steam)
Draw Slasher (Steam
Dreamland Solitaire: Dark Prophecy (Steam)
DV: Rings of Saturn (Steam)
Earth X (Steam)
Emily Is Away (Steam)
Eternal Threads (Steam)
Fallout 1 (Steam)
Flashback (Steam)
Forgive Me Father (Steam)
Fury Unleashed (Steam)
GameGuru (Steam)
Going Under (Steam)
Gordian Quest (Steam)
Hellslave (Steam)
Hue (Steam)
Husk (Steam)
I Am Fish (Steam)
Ikenfell (Steam)
In Between (Steam)
Instant Farmer-Logic Puzzle (Steam)
Intruders: Hide and Seek (Steam)
Iron Fisticle (Steam)
Kraken Academy (Steam)
Leisure Suit Larry 7 - Love for Sail (Steam)
Lucky and a life worth living - a jigsaw puzzle (Steam) x2
Lust for Darkness (Steam)
Main Assembly (Steam)
Meeple Station (Steam)
Meridian: Squad 22 (Steam)
Monaco (Steam)
Monster Prom 2: Monster Camp (Steam)
Monument Builder: Alcatraz (Steam)
Motorcycle Mechanic Simulator 2021 (Steam)
Mr. Prepper (Steam)
Narcos: Rise of the Cartels (Steam)
NecroWorm (Steam)
Orbital Racer (Steam)
Out of Reach: Treasure Royale (Steam)
Pathway (Steam)
Perfect (Steam)
Pizza Connection 2 (Steam)
Post Void (Steam)
Project Highrise (Steam)
Pumped BMX Pro (Steam)
Quiplash 2 InterLASHional (Steam)
Radio Commander (Steam)
Rebel Inc: Escalation (Steam)
Rescue Party: Live! (Steam)
Rescue Team: Danger from Outer Space! (Steam)
RIOT: Civil Unrest (Steam)
Roarr! Jurassic Edition (Steam)
Rogue Heroes: Ruins of Tasos (Steam)
REZ PLZ (Steam)
Safety First (Steam)
Shapez + Puzzle DLC (Steam)
Sifu Deluxe Edition Upgrade Bundle DLC (Epic)
Silver Chains (Steam)
Slaycation Paradise (Steam)
Slinger VR (Steam)
Small World (Steam)
Small World: A Spider's Web (Steam)
Small World: Royal Bonus (Steam)
Small World: Be Not Afraid (Steam)
Small World: Grand Dames (Steam)
Small World: Cursed! (Steam)
Smile for Me (Steam)
Smoke and Sacrifice (Steam)
Soulblight (Steam)
Spirit of the Island (Steam)
Splendor (Steam)
Splendor: The Trading Posts (Steam)
Splendor: The Cities (Steam)
Survivalist: Invisible Strain (Steam)
Tallowmere (Steam)
Telefrag VR (Steam)
Terrain of Magical Expertise (Steam) x2
The Amazing American Circus (Steam)
The Inner World (Steam)
The Legend of Tianding (Steam)
The Textorcist: The Story of Ray Bibbia (Steam)
The USB Stick Found in the Grass (Steam)
Those Who Remain (Steam)
Torchlight (Steam)
Tristoy (Steam)
Turbo Golf Racing (Steam)
Ultra Street Fighter IV (Steam)
Unity of Command: Stalingrad Campaign (Steam)
Voltaire: The Vegan Vampire (Steam)
Warhammer 40,000: Gladius - Relics of War (Steam)
We Are Alright (Steam)
When Ski Lifts Go Wrong (Steam)
Who Pressed Mute on Uncle Marcus (Steam)
2024.05.15 17:38 MNuttster [H] Bundle Games [W] Steam Wishlist or PayPal
GS Rep: https://www.reddit.com/IGSRep/comments/10jgzyx/mnuttsters_igs_rep_page
https://store.steampowered.com/wishlist/id/MNuttster83/
A Juggler's Tale (Steam)
Aces & Adventures (Steam)
Amberial Dreams (Steam)
Autonauts vs. Piratebots (Steam)
Bionic Commando Rearmed (Steam)
Blood Rage: Digital Edition (Steam)
Book of Demons (Steam)
Carcassonne - Tiles & Tactics (Steam)
Carcassonne - The Princess and The Dragon (Steam)
Carcassonne - Traders & Builders (Steam)
Carcassonne - Winter & Gingerbread Man (Steam)
Carcassonne - Inns & Cathedrals (Steam)
Carcassonne - The River (Steam)
Cook Serve Delicious! 3?! (Steam)
Creepy Tale 3: Ingrid Penance (Steam)
Dear Esther: Landmark Edition (Steam)
Demon Pit (Steam) x2
Devil Spire (Steam)
Draw Slasher (Steam
Dreamland Solitaire: Dark Prophecy (Steam)
DV: Rings of Saturn (Steam)
Earth X (Steam)
Emily Is Away (Steam)
Eternal Threads (Steam)
Fallout 1 (Steam)
Flashback (Steam)
Forgive Me Father (Steam)
Fury Unleashed (Steam)
GameGuru (Steam)
Going Under (Steam)
Gordian Quest (Steam)
Hellslave (Steam)
Hue (Steam)
Husk (Steam)
I Am Fish (Steam)
Ikenfell (Steam)
In Between (Steam)
Instant Farmer-Logic Puzzle (Steam)
Intruders: Hide and Seek (Steam)
Iron Fisticle (Steam)
Kraken Academy (Steam)
Leisure Suit Larry 7 - Love for Sail (Steam)
Lucky and a life worth living - a jigsaw puzzle (Steam) x2
Lust for Darkness (Steam)
Main Assembly (Steam)
Meeple Station (Steam)
Meridian: Squad 22 (Steam)
Monaco (Steam)
Monster Prom 2: Monster Camp (Steam)
Monument Builder: Alcatraz (Steam)
Motorcycle Mechanic Simulator 2021 (Steam)
Mr. Prepper (Steam)
Narcos: Rise of the Cartels (Steam)
NecroWorm (Steam)
Orbital Racer (Steam)
Out of Reach: Treasure Royale (Steam)
Pathway (Steam)
Perfect (Steam)
Pizza Connection 2 (Steam)
Post Void (Steam)
Project Highrise (Steam)
Pumped BMX Pro (Steam)
Quiplash 2 InterLASHional (Steam)
Radio Commander (Steam)
Rebel Inc: Escalation (Steam)
Rescue Party: Live! (Steam)
Rescue Team: Danger from Outer Space! (Steam)
RIOT: Civil Unrest (Steam)
Roarr! Jurassic Edition (Steam)
Rogue Heroes: Ruins of Tasos (Steam)
REZ PLZ (Steam)
Safety First (Steam)
Shapez + Puzzle DLC (Steam)
Sifu Deluxe Edition Upgrade Bundle DLC (Epic)
Silver Chains (Steam)
Slaycation Paradise (Steam)
Slinger VR (Steam)
Small World (Steam)
Small World: A Spider's Web (Steam)
Small World: Royal Bonus (Steam)
Small World: Be Not Afraid (Steam)
Small World: Grand Dames (Steam)
Small World: Cursed! (Steam)
Smile for Me (Steam)
Smoke and Sacrifice (Steam)
Soulblight (Steam)
Spirit of the Island (Steam)
Splendor (Steam)
Splendor: The Trading Posts (Steam)
Splendor: The Cities (Steam)
Survivalist: Invisible Strain (Steam)
Tallowmere (Steam)
Telefrag VR (Steam)
Terrain of Magical Expertise (Steam) x2
The Amazing American Circus (Steam)
The Inner World (Steam)
The Legend of Tianding (Steam)
The Textorcist: The Story of Ray Bibbia (Steam)
The USB Stick Found in the Grass (Steam)
Those Who Remain (Steam)
Torchlight (Steam)
Tristoy (Steam)
Turbo Golf Racing (Steam)
Ultra Street Fighter IV (Steam)
Unity of Command: Stalingrad Campaign (Steam)
Voltaire: The Vegan Vampire (Steam)
Warhammer 40,000: Gladius - Relics of War (Steam)
We Are Alright (Steam)
When Ski Lifts Go Wrong (Steam)
Who Pressed Mute on Uncle Marcus (Steam)
submitted by MNuttster to indiegameswap [link] [comments]
https://store.steampowered.com/wishlist/id/MNuttster83/
A Juggler's Tale (Steam)
Aces & Adventures (Steam)
Amberial Dreams (Steam)
Autonauts vs. Piratebots (Steam)
Bionic Commando Rearmed (Steam)
Blood Rage: Digital Edition (Steam)
Book of Demons (Steam)
Carcassonne - Tiles & Tactics (Steam)
Carcassonne - The Princess and The Dragon (Steam)
Carcassonne - Traders & Builders (Steam)
Carcassonne - Winter & Gingerbread Man (Steam)
Carcassonne - Inns & Cathedrals (Steam)
Carcassonne - The River (Steam)
Cook Serve Delicious! 3?! (Steam)
Creepy Tale 3: Ingrid Penance (Steam)
Dear Esther: Landmark Edition (Steam)
Demon Pit (Steam) x2
Devil Spire (Steam)
Draw Slasher (Steam
Dreamland Solitaire: Dark Prophecy (Steam)
DV: Rings of Saturn (Steam)
Earth X (Steam)
Emily Is Away (Steam)
Eternal Threads (Steam)
Fallout 1 (Steam)
Flashback (Steam)
Forgive Me Father (Steam)
Fury Unleashed (Steam)
GameGuru (Steam)
Going Under (Steam)
Gordian Quest (Steam)
Hellslave (Steam)
Hue (Steam)
Husk (Steam)
I Am Fish (Steam)
Ikenfell (Steam)
In Between (Steam)
Instant Farmer-Logic Puzzle (Steam)
Intruders: Hide and Seek (Steam)
Iron Fisticle (Steam)
Kraken Academy (Steam)
Leisure Suit Larry 7 - Love for Sail (Steam)
Lucky and a life worth living - a jigsaw puzzle (Steam) x2
Lust for Darkness (Steam)
Main Assembly (Steam)
Meeple Station (Steam)
Meridian: Squad 22 (Steam)
Monaco (Steam)
Monster Prom 2: Monster Camp (Steam)
Monument Builder: Alcatraz (Steam)
Motorcycle Mechanic Simulator 2021 (Steam)
Mr. Prepper (Steam)
Narcos: Rise of the Cartels (Steam)
NecroWorm (Steam)
Orbital Racer (Steam)
Out of Reach: Treasure Royale (Steam)
Pathway (Steam)
Perfect (Steam)
Pizza Connection 2 (Steam)
Post Void (Steam)
Project Highrise (Steam)
Pumped BMX Pro (Steam)
Quiplash 2 InterLASHional (Steam)
Radio Commander (Steam)
Rebel Inc: Escalation (Steam)
Rescue Party: Live! (Steam)
Rescue Team: Danger from Outer Space! (Steam)
RIOT: Civil Unrest (Steam)
Roarr! Jurassic Edition (Steam)
Rogue Heroes: Ruins of Tasos (Steam)
REZ PLZ (Steam)
Safety First (Steam)
Shapez + Puzzle DLC (Steam)
Sifu Deluxe Edition Upgrade Bundle DLC (Epic)
Silver Chains (Steam)
Slaycation Paradise (Steam)
Slinger VR (Steam)
Small World (Steam)
Small World: A Spider's Web (Steam)
Small World: Royal Bonus (Steam)
Small World: Be Not Afraid (Steam)
Small World: Grand Dames (Steam)
Small World: Cursed! (Steam)
Smile for Me (Steam)
Smoke and Sacrifice (Steam)
Soulblight (Steam)
Spirit of the Island (Steam)
Splendor (Steam)
Splendor: The Trading Posts (Steam)
Splendor: The Cities (Steam)
Survivalist: Invisible Strain (Steam)
Tallowmere (Steam)
Telefrag VR (Steam)
Terrain of Magical Expertise (Steam) x2
The Amazing American Circus (Steam)
The Inner World (Steam)
The Legend of Tianding (Steam)
The Textorcist: The Story of Ray Bibbia (Steam)
The USB Stick Found in the Grass (Steam)
Those Who Remain (Steam)
Torchlight (Steam)
Tristoy (Steam)
Turbo Golf Racing (Steam)
Ultra Street Fighter IV (Steam)
Unity of Command: Stalingrad Campaign (Steam)
Voltaire: The Vegan Vampire (Steam)
Warhammer 40,000: Gladius - Relics of War (Steam)
We Are Alright (Steam)
When Ski Lifts Go Wrong (Steam)
Who Pressed Mute on Uncle Marcus (Steam)
2024.05.15 17:27 scriptorpress The Cenacle 124 April 2024 *Just Released*
The Cenacle 124 April 2024 29th Anniversary Issue
https://scriptorpress.com/cenacle/124
[Size = 13.6 MB]
Hello everyone,
Here comes the just-released Cenacle 124 April 2024. Returning to the desired quarterly issue cadence that has been missing for the past couple of years. It was hard doing this issue without the usual many years’ involvement of my dear poet friend, the late Judih Weinstein Haggai, but her poetry features in this issue nonetheless, & will remain so in each issue ever on.
Thus far, 2024 for the human world has been a fairly dark one. The global Pandemic has not ended, though millions risk sickness & death for themselves & others by choosing to join in a kind of mass amnesia about the crisis. Meanwhile, the climate crisis continues to get the same kind of hostile indifference. The genocide in Gaza goes on unabated by any of the many powerful & supposedly democratic nations of the world. And a likely felon has jazzed the US electoral process, its weaknesses & flaws among its many strengths, to be within reach of again taking over &, as he has vowed, taking revenge.
I can’t tell you that this literary journal operates toe to toe on the global scale to oppose these various human catastrophes, but I can say that if we don’t seek Beauty, & Nature, & look beyond the petty fuckeries of the current day, we are much more likely to be lost than if we find a way to do this.
This fine anniversary issue features new poetry by Tamara Miles, Martina Reisz Newberry, Colin James, Sam Knot, Jimmy Heffernan, Judih Weinstein Haggai, & myself.
Also new fiction by Timothy Vilgiate, Algernon Beagle, & myself. And classic fiction from Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.
And new prose pieces by Nathan D. Horowitz, Charlie Beyer, & myself.
There is also new graphic artwork by AbandonView, Epi Rogan, Louis Staeble, Kassandra Soulard, Sam Knot, Tamara Miles, & Nathan D. Horowitz.
Contents of this new issue include:
From Soulard’s Notebooks [Excerpt]
I find myself leaning back often into 3 questions that I believe most influence human psychology & human culture:
1) Why are we here?
2) Where are we from?
3) What are we supposed to be doing?
* * * * * *
Feedback on Cenacle 123 [Excerpt]
I made it to the first poem by Judih Weinstein Haggai, sank into it, breathed it, needed it, and couldn’t go further into the issue yet. But it’s beautiful. And Kassandra Soulard’s cover photo: wow.
(Tamara Miles)
* * * * * *
From the ElectroLounge Forums:
Selections from Unknot 24, Part 1[Excerpt]
A project that I expect to work on for the rest of my life and never finish is a kind of art project playing with meaning making and the first few layers of knots, so this is all part of that really. I suppose it is a way to give a kind of focus or even kind of “abstract grounding” to some other kind of activity which isn’t necessarily even directly related to or about it.
(Sam Knot)
* * * * * *
Haiku from a Silent Retreat (7/31/2021) [Excerpt]
by Judih Weinstein Haggai
Everybody!
Are you everybody?
I’m not either
* * * * * *
Notes from New England:
Dream Raps, Volume Thirteen [Excerpt]
by Raymond Soulard, Jr.
Now that my friends are gone, the very shy Creatures who sometimes visit my hovel begin to come out, sniffing friendly their hellos. Accept my offer to cluster with me under the blankets, them being cold as ever when outside of the White Woods. White Bunny, Hedgedyhog, Peppermint Bears, Kittees & their Friend Fish. Alvinarah Poesy, & his dear friend Naria Narwhal. Even that cackling little Imp is under there somewhere. They never stay long, but I love them passing through. They’re excited about the Rutabaga Festival & Fleastock in the White Woods, I’m guessing.
* * * * * *
Becoming Archaeology: A Eulogy for Living Moor. (Part Two) [Excerpt]
by Sam Knot
It moves me more than any painting
or poem, seems to encode more meaning,
personal & planetary, than any other art,
this simple offering. This intricate gift.
* * * * * *
Notes Toward Many Musics [Excerpt]
by Raymond Soulard, Jr.
I believe a Narrative should always lead with the best it has, its most potent moment or image or the like. And let this lead set its standard. When I think of the Narrative options for these poems, I come back every time to starting from the start. These poems build on years & years of the work it took to get the six Brother-Heroes reunited rightly, after telling their unique stories as rightly as possible too. I did the best thinking & writing that I could.
* * * * * *
Poetry by Martina Newberry [Excerpt]
Tall on the dirty stage,
from my notebook I conferred
my poems. No time limit,
no faces, noises of shifting
dust and cars out there somewhere,
I read for many minutes,
emoting here and there,
hands rising and falling,
singing through some.
* * * * * *
Rivers of the Mind (A Novel) [Excerpt]
by Timothy Vilgiate
I could not help but fear that he’d attack me as I laid there; I lost count of how many times I got up to check my locks or to peek underneath the bed. I turned over and over, rocking the mattress like an unsteady boat, straining to keep my eyes shut. It was no use. Midnight came, and I was still awake; my hair matted over my irritated face, my blanket clutched in between my hands over my mouth as I tried to stop myself from sobbing. But I couldn’t let it see me cry. I couldn’t let it even see me blink.
* * * * * *
Poetry by Tamara Miles [Excerpt]
A lion’s music—a carnival of sound, beyond the roar of reserve, park, zoo, circus, and
safari, the wild kingdom beyond the definition of safe and unsafe, cruel or kind, in
sub-Saharan Africa, or in India, Gir forest, where the heart beat and drum beat and
incense are heavy.
* * * * * *
The Lagoon of the Air Goblins (Travel Journal) [Excerpt]
by Nathan D. Horowitz
I’m dehydrated from the sun today. I haven’t rehydrated. My hydration’s out of wack. It seems an eternity, maybe two, since I ordered a glass of papaya juice. Inside the café, mysterious café things may be happening, involving blenders and workforce and fruit and power. Time’s ticking by and it sounds like trees falling into a river. I glance at the red and white checkered tablecloth and remember I’ve always hated red and white checkered patterns. Serafín the educator said he would meet me here to tell me about the Secoya cosmovision, and he isn’t showing up.
* * * * * *
Poetry by Colin James [Excerpt]
Episodically craved by adolescents,
Prometheus displays his tats
behind The Dollar Store in Bonita.
The one with the plastic pillars.
* * * * * *
Mad Jack (Prose) [Excerpt]
by Charlie Beyer
We were longhaired teenage criminals. I looked like Jesus and my best buddy had flaming red shoulder-length hair, the devil to rival my divine look. Scott the Red. We were all hair, except Mad Jack (or Bob, as I knew him), who was as shaved as a plastic bag. We all sat in the car outside the 7-11 in the night rain. Blue smoke trickled out of the cracked window. Inside was a haze of marijuana smoke tainted with opium. We were high and crazed.
* * * * * *
Poetry by Jimmy Heffernan [Excerpt]
The moment to which we have access
So Nature can “see” through time
And what is this but awareness?
A tunneling from the immediate future
Back into the present
* * * * * *
Bags End Book #21: What is the Creature Carnival? Part 3 (Fiction) [Excerpt]
by Algernon Beagle
It makes me remember how our teacher Mister Owl in Bags End teached how different places have their different ways of thinking & telling. So if you’re gonna watch a Creature production, whether it’s the Carnival, or a Grand Production, or this time both, you’re gonna be in 4or a good crazy ride.
* * * * * *
The Hound of the Baskervilles (Classic Fiction) [Excerpt]
by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Mr. Sherlock Holmes, who was usually very late in the mornings, save upon those not infrequent occasions when he was up all night, was seated at the breakfast table. I stood upon the hearth-rug and picked up the stick which our visitor had left behind him the night before. It was a fine, thick piece of wood, bulbous-headed, of the sort which is known as a “Penang lawyer.” Just under the head was a broad silver band nearly an inch across. “To James Mortimer, M.R.C.S., from his friends of the C.C.H.,” was engraved upon it, with the date “1884.” It was just such a stick as the oldfashioned family practitioner used to carry—dignified, solid, and reassuring.
* * * * * *
Labyrinthine [A New Fixtion] [Excerpt]
by Raymond Soulard, Jr.
I’m distracted just as this strange fellow appears on stage with some kind of tool in his hand. He is very fancily dressed, some kind of home-made tuxedo? Or one sewn from many scraps? And he starts to recite a poem, I think, in a tongue I don’t know, when something distracts me.
Peace,
Raymond Soulard, Jr.
Scriptor Press New England
scriptorpress.com
[editor@scriptorpress.com](mailto:editor@scriptorpress.com)
submitted by scriptorpress to literaryjournals [link] [comments]
https://scriptorpress.com/cenacle/124
[Size = 13.6 MB]
Hello everyone,
Here comes the just-released Cenacle 124 April 2024. Returning to the desired quarterly issue cadence that has been missing for the past couple of years. It was hard doing this issue without the usual many years’ involvement of my dear poet friend, the late Judih Weinstein Haggai, but her poetry features in this issue nonetheless, & will remain so in each issue ever on.
Thus far, 2024 for the human world has been a fairly dark one. The global Pandemic has not ended, though millions risk sickness & death for themselves & others by choosing to join in a kind of mass amnesia about the crisis. Meanwhile, the climate crisis continues to get the same kind of hostile indifference. The genocide in Gaza goes on unabated by any of the many powerful & supposedly democratic nations of the world. And a likely felon has jazzed the US electoral process, its weaknesses & flaws among its many strengths, to be within reach of again taking over &, as he has vowed, taking revenge.
I can’t tell you that this literary journal operates toe to toe on the global scale to oppose these various human catastrophes, but I can say that if we don’t seek Beauty, & Nature, & look beyond the petty fuckeries of the current day, we are much more likely to be lost than if we find a way to do this.
This fine anniversary issue features new poetry by Tamara Miles, Martina Reisz Newberry, Colin James, Sam Knot, Jimmy Heffernan, Judih Weinstein Haggai, & myself.
Also new fiction by Timothy Vilgiate, Algernon Beagle, & myself. And classic fiction from Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.
And new prose pieces by Nathan D. Horowitz, Charlie Beyer, & myself.
There is also new graphic artwork by AbandonView, Epi Rogan, Louis Staeble, Kassandra Soulard, Sam Knot, Tamara Miles, & Nathan D. Horowitz.
Contents of this new issue include:
From Soulard’s Notebooks [Excerpt]
I find myself leaning back often into 3 questions that I believe most influence human psychology & human culture:
1) Why are we here?
2) Where are we from?
3) What are we supposed to be doing?
* * * * * *
Feedback on Cenacle 123 [Excerpt]
I made it to the first poem by Judih Weinstein Haggai, sank into it, breathed it, needed it, and couldn’t go further into the issue yet. But it’s beautiful. And Kassandra Soulard’s cover photo: wow.
(Tamara Miles)
* * * * * *
From the ElectroLounge Forums:
Selections from Unknot 24, Part 1[Excerpt]
A project that I expect to work on for the rest of my life and never finish is a kind of art project playing with meaning making and the first few layers of knots, so this is all part of that really. I suppose it is a way to give a kind of focus or even kind of “abstract grounding” to some other kind of activity which isn’t necessarily even directly related to or about it.
(Sam Knot)
* * * * * *
Haiku from a Silent Retreat (7/31/2021) [Excerpt]
by Judih Weinstein Haggai
Everybody!
Are you everybody?
I’m not either
* * * * * *
Notes from New England:
Dream Raps, Volume Thirteen [Excerpt]
by Raymond Soulard, Jr.
Now that my friends are gone, the very shy Creatures who sometimes visit my hovel begin to come out, sniffing friendly their hellos. Accept my offer to cluster with me under the blankets, them being cold as ever when outside of the White Woods. White Bunny, Hedgedyhog, Peppermint Bears, Kittees & their Friend Fish. Alvinarah Poesy, & his dear friend Naria Narwhal. Even that cackling little Imp is under there somewhere. They never stay long, but I love them passing through. They’re excited about the Rutabaga Festival & Fleastock in the White Woods, I’m guessing.
* * * * * *
Becoming Archaeology: A Eulogy for Living Moor. (Part Two) [Excerpt]
by Sam Knot
It moves me more than any painting
or poem, seems to encode more meaning,
personal & planetary, than any other art,
this simple offering. This intricate gift.
* * * * * *
Notes Toward Many Musics [Excerpt]
by Raymond Soulard, Jr.
I believe a Narrative should always lead with the best it has, its most potent moment or image or the like. And let this lead set its standard. When I think of the Narrative options for these poems, I come back every time to starting from the start. These poems build on years & years of the work it took to get the six Brother-Heroes reunited rightly, after telling their unique stories as rightly as possible too. I did the best thinking & writing that I could.
* * * * * *
Poetry by Martina Newberry [Excerpt]
Tall on the dirty stage,
from my notebook I conferred
my poems. No time limit,
no faces, noises of shifting
dust and cars out there somewhere,
I read for many minutes,
emoting here and there,
hands rising and falling,
singing through some.
* * * * * *
Rivers of the Mind (A Novel) [Excerpt]
by Timothy Vilgiate
I could not help but fear that he’d attack me as I laid there; I lost count of how many times I got up to check my locks or to peek underneath the bed. I turned over and over, rocking the mattress like an unsteady boat, straining to keep my eyes shut. It was no use. Midnight came, and I was still awake; my hair matted over my irritated face, my blanket clutched in between my hands over my mouth as I tried to stop myself from sobbing. But I couldn’t let it see me cry. I couldn’t let it even see me blink.
* * * * * *
Poetry by Tamara Miles [Excerpt]
A lion’s music—a carnival of sound, beyond the roar of reserve, park, zoo, circus, and
safari, the wild kingdom beyond the definition of safe and unsafe, cruel or kind, in
sub-Saharan Africa, or in India, Gir forest, where the heart beat and drum beat and
incense are heavy.
* * * * * *
The Lagoon of the Air Goblins (Travel Journal) [Excerpt]
by Nathan D. Horowitz
I’m dehydrated from the sun today. I haven’t rehydrated. My hydration’s out of wack. It seems an eternity, maybe two, since I ordered a glass of papaya juice. Inside the café, mysterious café things may be happening, involving blenders and workforce and fruit and power. Time’s ticking by and it sounds like trees falling into a river. I glance at the red and white checkered tablecloth and remember I’ve always hated red and white checkered patterns. Serafín the educator said he would meet me here to tell me about the Secoya cosmovision, and he isn’t showing up.
* * * * * *
Poetry by Colin James [Excerpt]
Episodically craved by adolescents,
Prometheus displays his tats
behind The Dollar Store in Bonita.
The one with the plastic pillars.
* * * * * *
Mad Jack (Prose) [Excerpt]
by Charlie Beyer
We were longhaired teenage criminals. I looked like Jesus and my best buddy had flaming red shoulder-length hair, the devil to rival my divine look. Scott the Red. We were all hair, except Mad Jack (or Bob, as I knew him), who was as shaved as a plastic bag. We all sat in the car outside the 7-11 in the night rain. Blue smoke trickled out of the cracked window. Inside was a haze of marijuana smoke tainted with opium. We were high and crazed.
* * * * * *
Poetry by Jimmy Heffernan [Excerpt]
The moment to which we have access
So Nature can “see” through time
And what is this but awareness?
A tunneling from the immediate future
Back into the present
* * * * * *
Bags End Book #21: What is the Creature Carnival? Part 3 (Fiction) [Excerpt]
by Algernon Beagle
It makes me remember how our teacher Mister Owl in Bags End teached how different places have their different ways of thinking & telling. So if you’re gonna watch a Creature production, whether it’s the Carnival, or a Grand Production, or this time both, you’re gonna be in 4or a good crazy ride.
* * * * * *
The Hound of the Baskervilles (Classic Fiction) [Excerpt]
by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Mr. Sherlock Holmes, who was usually very late in the mornings, save upon those not infrequent occasions when he was up all night, was seated at the breakfast table. I stood upon the hearth-rug and picked up the stick which our visitor had left behind him the night before. It was a fine, thick piece of wood, bulbous-headed, of the sort which is known as a “Penang lawyer.” Just under the head was a broad silver band nearly an inch across. “To James Mortimer, M.R.C.S., from his friends of the C.C.H.,” was engraved upon it, with the date “1884.” It was just such a stick as the oldfashioned family practitioner used to carry—dignified, solid, and reassuring.
* * * * * *
Labyrinthine [A New Fixtion] [Excerpt]
by Raymond Soulard, Jr.
I’m distracted just as this strange fellow appears on stage with some kind of tool in his hand. He is very fancily dressed, some kind of home-made tuxedo? Or one sewn from many scraps? And he starts to recite a poem, I think, in a tongue I don’t know, when something distracts me.
Peace,
Raymond Soulard, Jr.
Scriptor Press New England
scriptorpress.com
[editor@scriptorpress.com](mailto:editor@scriptorpress.com)
2024.05.15 17:26 theajharrison Severe Blunder if a Rumored Joke is True in Deadpool & Wolverine
The Deadpool & Wolverine movie looks like it could really be amazing and could truly be a return to form for the MCU. And I'm hyped.
I've been reading rumors in reddit threads and watching YouTube theory videos for the upcoming Deadpool & Wolverine movie. Things are sounding great. Except one potential joke scene.
One of these Easter egg joke ideas is Deadpool recreating Ironman's infinity stones snap in End Game and repeating Tony Stark's last words "I am Ironman". On the face of it sounded amusing. Super iconic MCU scene now with Deadpool, dope.
But I remembered my feelings at that scene and the feelings each time I've rewatched Infinity War and Endgame. I remembered it's significance in honoring the humble beginnings of the first Ironman (2008) movie. I remembered how perfect it makes this unprecedented epic 23 film journey over a decade.
And this gave me pause. Making a joke out of one of the most deeply touching important scenes in the entire Cinematic Universe has me worrying that it could only cheapen that moment.
Don't get me wrong, I love Deadpool, both in the comics and the two Fox movies. I also love good call backs and Easter eggs. Hulk whipping Thor around in Ragnarok like he did Loki in Avengers,chefs kiss.
But imagine your feelings after a joke callback about: - Frigga's death from Thor:TDW. - Black widow's self sacrifice on Vorimir - Killmonger's end "just bury me in the ocean with my ancestors that jump from the ships" - Wanda destroy the one thing she loves most only to have it thrown in her face with a rewind - Groot protecting everyone in GotG 1 "We are Groot"
Imagine. A joke scene with a Deadpool recreation of Peter in Tony's arms "I don't want to go. Mr Stark, I don't want to go please. Sir, please. I'm sorry" ...dust
It just doesn't sit right.
It would undermine the seriousness that the MCU has been able to wield with these fantastical comic book characters. Which I think is a core aspect of what has been special about the MCU. I truly hope that these rumors I've seen are exactly that, just wild fan theoretical machinations. But
But
But, if they have any basis in the actual film, I dearly hope they land on the cutting room floor.
Does anyone else feel similarly? Am I crazy off base? If I am, can anyone explain how making a parody charade of the most tender moments in MCU history is a smart choice?
submitted by theajharrison to marvelstudios [link] [comments]
I've been reading rumors in reddit threads and watching YouTube theory videos for the upcoming Deadpool & Wolverine movie. Things are sounding great. Except one potential joke scene.
One of these Easter egg joke ideas is Deadpool recreating Ironman's infinity stones snap in End Game and repeating Tony Stark's last words "I am Ironman". On the face of it sounded amusing. Super iconic MCU scene now with Deadpool, dope.
But I remembered my feelings at that scene and the feelings each time I've rewatched Infinity War and Endgame. I remembered it's significance in honoring the humble beginnings of the first Ironman (2008) movie. I remembered how perfect it makes this unprecedented epic 23 film journey over a decade.
And this gave me pause. Making a joke out of one of the most deeply touching important scenes in the entire Cinematic Universe has me worrying that it could only cheapen that moment.
Don't get me wrong, I love Deadpool, both in the comics and the two Fox movies. I also love good call backs and Easter eggs. Hulk whipping Thor around in Ragnarok like he did Loki in Avengers,chefs kiss.
But imagine your feelings after a joke callback about: - Frigga's death from Thor:TDW. - Black widow's self sacrifice on Vorimir - Killmonger's end "just bury me in the ocean with my ancestors that jump from the ships" - Wanda destroy the one thing she loves most only to have it thrown in her face with a rewind - Groot protecting everyone in GotG 1 "We are Groot"
Imagine. A joke scene with a Deadpool recreation of Peter in Tony's arms "I don't want to go. Mr Stark, I don't want to go please. Sir, please. I'm sorry" ...dust
It just doesn't sit right.
It would undermine the seriousness that the MCU has been able to wield with these fantastical comic book characters. Which I think is a core aspect of what has been special about the MCU. I truly hope that these rumors I've seen are exactly that, just wild fan theoretical machinations. But
But
But, if they have any basis in the actual film, I dearly hope they land on the cutting room floor.
Does anyone else feel similarly? Am I crazy off base? If I am, can anyone explain how making a parody charade of the most tender moments in MCU history is a smart choice?
2024.05.15 17:14 Affectionate_Care669 Bracelet Help
Hello Swifties!! So I’m just organizing my stuff together for the bracelets. I’m planning to start making them in November. I’m going to be spending September and October crocheting my outfit hehe. I just want to make sure all the songs are there that she has done for each album are on the list and that I hadn’t missed any.
Taylor Swift 1. Tim McGraw // 2. Picture To Burn // 3. Teardrops On My Guitar // 4. A Place In This World // 5. Cold As You // 6. The Outside // 7. Tied Together With A Smile // 8. Stay Beautiful // 9. Should’ve Said No // 10. Mary’s Song // 11. Our Song // 12. I’m Only Me When I’m With You // 13. Invisible // 14. A Perfectly Good Heart
Fearless (Taylor’s Version) 15. Fearless // 16. Fifteen // 17. Love Story // 18. Hey Stephen // 19. White Horse // 20. You Belong With Me // 21. Breathe // 22. Tell Me Why // 23. You’re Not Sorry // 24. The Way I Loved You // 25. Forever & Always // 26. Come In With The Rain // 27. Superstar // 28. The Other Side Of The Door // 29. Today Was A Fairytale // 30. You All Over Me // 31. Mr Perfectly Fine // 32. We Were Happy // 33. That’s When // 34. Don’t You // 35. Bye Bye Baby // 36. If This Was A Movie // 37. Change
Speak Now (Taylor’s Version) 38. Mine // 39. Sparks Fly // 40. Back To December // 41. Speak Now // 42. Dear John // 43. Mean // 44. The Story Of Us // 45. Never Grow Up // 46. Enchanted // 47. Better Than Revenge // 48. Innocent // 49. Haunted // 50. Last Kiss // 51. Long Live // 52. Ours // 53. Superman // 54. Electric Touch // 55. When Emma Falls In Love // 56. I Can See You // 57. Castles Crumbling // 58. Foolish One // 59. Timeless
Red (Taylor’s Version) 60. State Of Grace // 61. Red // 62. Treacherous // 63. I Knew You Were Trouble // 64. All Too Well // 65. 22 // 66. I Almost Do // 67. We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together // 68. Stay Stay Stay // 69. The Last Time // 70. Holy Beautiful // 71. Sad Beautiful Tragic // 72. The Lucky One // 73. Everything Has Changed // 74. Starlight // 75. Begin Again // 76. The Moment I Knew // 77. Come Back…Be Here // 78. Girl At Home // 79. Ronan // 80. Better Man // 81. Nothing New // 82. Babe // 83. Message In A Bottle // 84. I Bet You Think About Me // 85. Forever Winter // 86. Run // 87. The Very First Night // 88. All Too Well (10 Minute Version) // 89. Eyes Open // 90. Safe & Sound
1989 (Taylor’s Version) 91. Welcome To New York // 92. Blank Space // 93. Style // 94. Out Of The Woods // 95. All You Had To Do Was Stay // 96. Shake It Off // 97. I Wish You Would // 98. Bad Blood // 99. Wildest Dreams // 100. How You Get The Girl // 101. This Love // 102. I Know Places // 103. Clean // 104. Wonderland // 105. You Are In Love // 106. New Romantics // 107. Slut // 108. Say Don’t Go // 109. Now That We Don’t Talk // 110. Suburban Legends // 111. Is It Over Now
Reputation 112. Ready For It // 113. Endgame // 114. I Did Something Bad // 115. Don’t Blame Me // 116. Delicate // 117. Look What You Made Me Do // 118. So It Goes // 119. Gorgeous // 120. Getaway Car // 121. King Of My Heart // 122. Dancing With Our Hands Tied // 123. Dress // 124. This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things // 125. Call It What You Want // 126. New Year’s Day
Lover 127. I Forgot That You Existed // 128. Cruel Summer // 129. Lover // 130. The Man // 131. The Archer // 132. I Think He Knows // 133. Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince // 134. Paper Rings // 135. Cornelia Street // 136. Death By A Thousand Cuts // 137. London Boy // 138. Soon You’ll Get Better // 139. False God // 140. You Need To Calm Down // 141. Afterglow // 142. Me // 143. It’s Nice To Have A Friend // 144. Daylight // 145. All Of The Girls You Loved Before
Folklore 146. The 1 // 147. Cardigan // 148. The Last Great American Dynasty // 149. Exile // 150. My Tears Ricochet // 151. Mirrorball // 152. Seven // 153. August // 154. This Is Me Trying // 155. Illicit Affairs // 156. Invisible String // 157. Mad Woman // 158. Epiphany // 159. Betty // 160. Peace // 161. Hoax // 162. The Lakes
Evermore 163. Willow // 164. Champagne Problems // 165. Gold Rush // 166. Tis The Damn Season // 167. Tolerate It // 168. No Body No Crime // 169. Happiness // 170. Dorothea // 171. Coney Island // 172. Ivy // 173. Cowboy Like Me // 174. Long Story Short // 175. Marjorie // 176. Closure // 177. Evermore // 178. Right Where You Left Me // 179. It’s Time To Go
Midnights 180. Lavender Haze // 181. Maroon // 182. Anti Hero // 183. Snow On The Beach // 184. You’re On Your Own Kid // 185. Midnight Rain // 186. Question // 187. Vigilante Shit // 188. Bejeweled // 189. Labyrinth // 190. Karma // 191. Sweet Nothing // 192. Mastermind // 193. The Great War // 194. Bigger Than The Whole Sky // 195. Paris // 196. High Infidelity // 197. Glitch // 198. Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve // 199. Dear Reader // 200. Hits Different
The Tortured Poets Department 201. Fortnight // 202. The Tortured Poets Department // 203. My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys // 204. Down Bad // 205. So Long London // 206. But Daddy I Love Him // 207. Fresh Out The Slammer // 208. Florida // 209. Guilty As Sin // 210. Who’s Afraid Of Little Old Me // 211. I Can Fix Him No Really I Can // 212. LOML // 213. I Can Do It With A Broken Heart // 214. The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived // 215. The Alchemy // 216. Clara Bow // 217. The Black Dog // 218. I’mGonnaGetYouBack // 219. The Albatross // 220. Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus // 221. How Did It End // 222. So High School // 223. I Hate It Here // 224. Thank You Aimee // 225. I Look In People’s Windows // 226. The Prophecy // 227. Cassandra // 228. Peter // 229. The Bolter // 230. Robin // 231. The Manuscript
submitted by Affectionate_Care669 to TrueSwifties [link] [comments]
Taylor Swift 1. Tim McGraw // 2. Picture To Burn // 3. Teardrops On My Guitar // 4. A Place In This World // 5. Cold As You // 6. The Outside // 7. Tied Together With A Smile // 8. Stay Beautiful // 9. Should’ve Said No // 10. Mary’s Song // 11. Our Song // 12. I’m Only Me When I’m With You // 13. Invisible // 14. A Perfectly Good Heart
Fearless (Taylor’s Version) 15. Fearless // 16. Fifteen // 17. Love Story // 18. Hey Stephen // 19. White Horse // 20. You Belong With Me // 21. Breathe // 22. Tell Me Why // 23. You’re Not Sorry // 24. The Way I Loved You // 25. Forever & Always // 26. Come In With The Rain // 27. Superstar // 28. The Other Side Of The Door // 29. Today Was A Fairytale // 30. You All Over Me // 31. Mr Perfectly Fine // 32. We Were Happy // 33. That’s When // 34. Don’t You // 35. Bye Bye Baby // 36. If This Was A Movie // 37. Change
Speak Now (Taylor’s Version) 38. Mine // 39. Sparks Fly // 40. Back To December // 41. Speak Now // 42. Dear John // 43. Mean // 44. The Story Of Us // 45. Never Grow Up // 46. Enchanted // 47. Better Than Revenge // 48. Innocent // 49. Haunted // 50. Last Kiss // 51. Long Live // 52. Ours // 53. Superman // 54. Electric Touch // 55. When Emma Falls In Love // 56. I Can See You // 57. Castles Crumbling // 58. Foolish One // 59. Timeless
Red (Taylor’s Version) 60. State Of Grace // 61. Red // 62. Treacherous // 63. I Knew You Were Trouble // 64. All Too Well // 65. 22 // 66. I Almost Do // 67. We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together // 68. Stay Stay Stay // 69. The Last Time // 70. Holy Beautiful // 71. Sad Beautiful Tragic // 72. The Lucky One // 73. Everything Has Changed // 74. Starlight // 75. Begin Again // 76. The Moment I Knew // 77. Come Back…Be Here // 78. Girl At Home // 79. Ronan // 80. Better Man // 81. Nothing New // 82. Babe // 83. Message In A Bottle // 84. I Bet You Think About Me // 85. Forever Winter // 86. Run // 87. The Very First Night // 88. All Too Well (10 Minute Version) // 89. Eyes Open // 90. Safe & Sound
1989 (Taylor’s Version) 91. Welcome To New York // 92. Blank Space // 93. Style // 94. Out Of The Woods // 95. All You Had To Do Was Stay // 96. Shake It Off // 97. I Wish You Would // 98. Bad Blood // 99. Wildest Dreams // 100. How You Get The Girl // 101. This Love // 102. I Know Places // 103. Clean // 104. Wonderland // 105. You Are In Love // 106. New Romantics // 107. Slut // 108. Say Don’t Go // 109. Now That We Don’t Talk // 110. Suburban Legends // 111. Is It Over Now
Reputation 112. Ready For It // 113. Endgame // 114. I Did Something Bad // 115. Don’t Blame Me // 116. Delicate // 117. Look What You Made Me Do // 118. So It Goes // 119. Gorgeous // 120. Getaway Car // 121. King Of My Heart // 122. Dancing With Our Hands Tied // 123. Dress // 124. This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things // 125. Call It What You Want // 126. New Year’s Day
Lover 127. I Forgot That You Existed // 128. Cruel Summer // 129. Lover // 130. The Man // 131. The Archer // 132. I Think He Knows // 133. Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince // 134. Paper Rings // 135. Cornelia Street // 136. Death By A Thousand Cuts // 137. London Boy // 138. Soon You’ll Get Better // 139. False God // 140. You Need To Calm Down // 141. Afterglow // 142. Me // 143. It’s Nice To Have A Friend // 144. Daylight // 145. All Of The Girls You Loved Before
Folklore 146. The 1 // 147. Cardigan // 148. The Last Great American Dynasty // 149. Exile // 150. My Tears Ricochet // 151. Mirrorball // 152. Seven // 153. August // 154. This Is Me Trying // 155. Illicit Affairs // 156. Invisible String // 157. Mad Woman // 158. Epiphany // 159. Betty // 160. Peace // 161. Hoax // 162. The Lakes
Evermore 163. Willow // 164. Champagne Problems // 165. Gold Rush // 166. Tis The Damn Season // 167. Tolerate It // 168. No Body No Crime // 169. Happiness // 170. Dorothea // 171. Coney Island // 172. Ivy // 173. Cowboy Like Me // 174. Long Story Short // 175. Marjorie // 176. Closure // 177. Evermore // 178. Right Where You Left Me // 179. It’s Time To Go
Midnights 180. Lavender Haze // 181. Maroon // 182. Anti Hero // 183. Snow On The Beach // 184. You’re On Your Own Kid // 185. Midnight Rain // 186. Question // 187. Vigilante Shit // 188. Bejeweled // 189. Labyrinth // 190. Karma // 191. Sweet Nothing // 192. Mastermind // 193. The Great War // 194. Bigger Than The Whole Sky // 195. Paris // 196. High Infidelity // 197. Glitch // 198. Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve // 199. Dear Reader // 200. Hits Different
The Tortured Poets Department 201. Fortnight // 202. The Tortured Poets Department // 203. My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys // 204. Down Bad // 205. So Long London // 206. But Daddy I Love Him // 207. Fresh Out The Slammer // 208. Florida // 209. Guilty As Sin // 210. Who’s Afraid Of Little Old Me // 211. I Can Fix Him No Really I Can // 212. LOML // 213. I Can Do It With A Broken Heart // 214. The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived // 215. The Alchemy // 216. Clara Bow // 217. The Black Dog // 218. I’mGonnaGetYouBack // 219. The Albatross // 220. Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus // 221. How Did It End // 222. So High School // 223. I Hate It Here // 224. Thank You Aimee // 225. I Look In People’s Windows // 226. The Prophecy // 227. Cassandra // 228. Peter // 229. The Bolter // 230. Robin // 231. The Manuscript
2024.05.15 14:46 HeidiInWonderland Thank you!
Thanks, everyone, for your prayers, texts, and calls. I am absolutely fine. I learned a lesson about my arrogance. I hope to keep this lesson with me forever.
Yesterday Mom filed the appeal to the suspension. She gave me permission to have "a jailbreak" so I can run in the Park. "After you run, take a shower and get dressed for school. I predict they will be calling you before 10:00 a.m. to tell you your suspension has been canceled. Have a good day and don't you dare gloat about what happened. You are no hero and you really have to figure out how to make amends."
Between yesterday and today I chanted hours and hours to understand what had happened. First of all, I feel very good now and that is the biggest benefit. Second, I found out who the anonymous tipper was. At first I had assumed that it was the lurker here who keeps on downvoting all of our posts. But, as it turns out, I got a call from one of my Jammy girls. She was really worried about me and couldn't pull together the courage to tell me face to face. I really understand and from my chanting I realize I have to become the type of person who can make it easy for the people around me to speak up.
I really appreciate all the advice I received telling me I now need to turn poison to medicine. It's true. Whether it's one day or four days, it's not enough for me to "serve" my suspension. It might be the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, but I have to figure out how to make amends with Mr. Sutherland, the Dean. I have to make a human connection with him. So this is the email I sent to him early in the morning:
Lita is really on max between her internship and school. She has also been piling on a lot of dance and acting classes to get ready for her meeting today with Benjamin & Co. And she is reading the original George Bernard Shae Pygmalian to better understand the subtext of Eliza Doolittle. Still, she found time to meet with Coach after school yesterday. Lita doesn't have the time to post but she told me what happened and asked me to share what Coach told her over a slice of pizza.
submitted by HeidiInWonderland to LoHeidiLita [link] [comments]
Yesterday Mom filed the appeal to the suspension. She gave me permission to have "a jailbreak" so I can run in the Park. "After you run, take a shower and get dressed for school. I predict they will be calling you before 10:00 a.m. to tell you your suspension has been canceled. Have a good day and don't you dare gloat about what happened. You are no hero and you really have to figure out how to make amends."
Between yesterday and today I chanted hours and hours to understand what had happened. First of all, I feel very good now and that is the biggest benefit. Second, I found out who the anonymous tipper was. At first I had assumed that it was the lurker here who keeps on downvoting all of our posts. But, as it turns out, I got a call from one of my Jammy girls. She was really worried about me and couldn't pull together the courage to tell me face to face. I really understand and from my chanting I realize I have to become the type of person who can make it easy for the people around me to speak up.
I really appreciate all the advice I received telling me I now need to turn poison to medicine. It's true. Whether it's one day or four days, it's not enough for me to "serve" my suspension. It might be the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, but I have to figure out how to make amends with Mr. Sutherland, the Dean. I have to make a human connection with him. So this is the email I sent to him early in the morning:
Dear Dean Sutherland, I am hoping we can sit down together face to face to clear the air after I serve my suspension. I was clearly in the wrong. What made it worse was that I wasn't hearing what you were all trying to tell me. I know I have to work on my mouth. I don't feel right about just "taking" my punishment. I won't feel right unless I can make amends. I am also hoping we can see the humanity in each other. I would feel very happy about doing community service for your office after school everyday. Thank you for reading this.Within 5 minutes I received a response from him: "Good idea, let's do it."
Lita is really on max between her internship and school. She has also been piling on a lot of dance and acting classes to get ready for her meeting today with Benjamin & Co. And she is reading the original George Bernard Shae Pygmalian to better understand the subtext of Eliza Doolittle. Still, she found time to meet with Coach after school yesterday. Lita doesn't have the time to post but she told me what happened and asked me to share what Coach told her over a slice of pizza.
I will always be your coach, whether you are in this school or not, whether you get your ass suspended or not. That is simply the relationship between a coach and her athletes. If you get into a fight in school you get suspended, right? But if you get into a fight during a competition, you get thrown out of the game but not suspended from school. Why? Because things happen in the heat of a game. An athlete learns from making mistakes. It's the job of coaches to point out the mistakes. It's not easy for either of them. I want you to tell Heidi that I love and respect her very much and that will never change. When I see her next, I want to see her with her head held up high (she actually said "tits up" 🫢)* and shoulders back strong. But also tell her I will suspend her ass again and again whenever she crosses that line.All right. Enough said. And I just received an email from the school. My suspension is lifted and I should report immediately.
2024.05.15 11:02 abjinternational Keri Russell and Matthew Rhys Shine on the Red Carpet ahead of Dear Mr. Thomas: A New Play for Voices in New York City
 | submitted by abjinternational to newslive [link] [comments] |