For the mods!
u/ljsweenes, thank you for the big corny postcard! I'll be sure to write something corny back to you.
u/grasshopper2231, love the Mercury postcard and the eclipse stamps are so cool. Thank you for feeding my space geekiness.
u/duck_with_bat_wings, thank you for the book card. I'll be sure to send something back.
u/TyeDyeAmish, thank you for the weed card! I'll send you another card with a response.
u/heenbeen, your card put the biggest smile on my face. Thank you for the pokemon cards, the stickers and the jeju pika is so damn cute. My best friend was fawning over your neat, little handwriting. I'll send a nice thank you back!
u/inhalemybees43, thank you for the Porco Rosso card. It is one of my favorites :)
u/Aviana9, thank you for the lovely card. I'm happy to get my first set of Bulgarian stamps.
u/princecowboy, safe trip to Europe and please don't forget to try sticky toffee pudding in the UK. Give some scritches to the goodest Cowboy in the world.
u/Which_Flan_9504, thank you for the sticker card. Hope your schedule has eased up a bit by now. Thank you for the beautiful stamps!
u/Keqani, thank you for the Bepo card and the cute stickers.
u/ying-tao, thank you for the beautiful Nausicaa card. I really love this movie.
u/Causarius, you've asked some important One Piece questions. I'll send a reply over post :) Love the little "ran out of room" scribble :D
u/PinkPingin, thank you for the lovely Miriam Makeba card.
u/RideThatBridge, thank you for the beautiful Lola Alvarez-Bravo card.
u/Boomer1717, I loved the dad joke, it was hilarious! Thank you for the Emmy Noether card ;)
u/inconsolableonion, thank you for the WALL-E and Eve doodle, I love this movie too.
u/boyegcs, thank you for the Titan card. Did you get to try more tiramisu again?
u/starboard44, I really appreciate this card. I become melancholic whenever winter passes and everything just feels too much. I like summer but not as much as I love winter. This card finally conveys how I feel right now. Thank you so much!
u/neverbeentooz, hope your PhD program is going well. Thank you for the Lava disneycard. I've to watch that one.
u/satanekochan, I hope things are a little kinder on your end these days. You're strong, don't forget that :) Thank you for the washi sample. If your address hasn't changed, I'd love to send you a card.
u/bulbasner, thank you for the pokemon cards! You sent me my favourites, aaah, I am so excited. Flareon is one of my favourite "Eevee-Lu-Tions".
u/LifeEssence, you got a cool address stamp. Thank you for the happy March mail.
u/AlfredTheButt-ler, thank you for the St. Paddy's mail and stickers. My leprechaun name is Spudsy McRainbowhair.
u/RaspberryPaper, thank you for the beautiful postcards with quotes from Alice.
u/blopbloopblooop, thank you for the lovely nature postcard. It's an eye-catching illustration.
u/seaofstars, thank you for the fortune mail and the art of magic stamp. It's so whimsical, thank you for the taking the time to do a reading for me :)
u/somewhatfoolish, thank you for Mapparium postcard. I do love stargazing. I had a telescope until it broke and now I just do without.
u/digitalmayhap, thank you for the printed postcards and stickers. I'll be sharing the extras with others RAoCers :)
u/spookyoneoverthere, I love getting mail from you. Thank you for the book recommendations. The Invisible Man & Infinite Jest postcards are so cool. The dinosaur stickers made me giggle like a kid, they go on my work phone :D. Did you finally start The Wind-Up Chronicle?
u/Lethbridge-Totty, thank you for the cute Pokemon card. We should start a sticky toffee pudding club :)
u/JayDeePea, I'm positively overwhelmed by the amount of lego stickers that you sent me. Everything was perfect from the Star Wars envelope, the harry potter stamps and the Men on the Moon postcard (I'm keeping that one). Thank you so much!
u/rosiealeo1, Love the Apollo Soyuz stamp! I'd rather have a personal chef because some days, I get lazy and don't eat properly.

I originally sought advice regarding this issue on behalf of my friend a couple of years ago in the main NZ sub. I was gaslit really hard and deleted the post. I've since been her support in a number of meetings with her lawyer and the two of us have spoken extensively about the situation over the last two years. I'm confident seeking advice on her behalf now as I have a solid understanding of what has happened (I was vague on some details previously leaving me open to aforementioned gaslighting).
She currently has representation that is working for her pro bono. I would like to think he is doing this so he can write a wrong, but I would like a second opinion regarding his approach, and explain the circumstances under which the work became free.
This is an elaborate saga, but I will stick to the main bullet points and fly through 20 years of timeline. My friends current representation does not think ANY past events are relevant to the current custody arrangement as far as the Family Court are concerned, I accept this may be true, but I want to make sure the scope of previous events leading to the current situation are understood by anybody seeking to offer advice. Because her lawyers advice in this regard might be solid and all of the information quickly rendered irrelevant, I'm going to just slam out some bullet points, ask me if you need me to elaborate.
-My friend was diagnosed with Anxiety at 14 and medicated for it her whole life, it was not effective and actually made her anxiety worse, she has ADHD but would not be diagnosed till much later in life. For the most part she avoided the traps people with undiagnosed ADHD fall into, but made poor decisions in relationships. -Controlling ex-husband, escaped an abusive relationship. Had her first baby via IVF, left marriage when baby was 3 months old, due to ex-husbands meth and control/abuse of her. Ex-husband owes $15k ordered by court, uses bankruptcy to avoid paying. -Builds herself a life, new home, early childhood teacher, becomes center manager. Wants another baby, gets IVF as a solo mum, same DNA as first baby. Ex-husband sometimes have supervised access, can't pass meth test. -Gets involved with a narcissist, accidentally gets pregnant (believed she was infertile, but used to eat gluten and has celiacs, turns out not infertile). Takes over two years to get him out of her house, he embroils himself throughout all her affairs and accounts, giving his devices access etc. Police remove him in the end, including his unsecured firearms, without charge. -He has supervised access, at the very start if lock down he turns a 3 hours supervised visit into a 10 day kidnapping. He tells the police that the boy has covid (in hindsight this is obviously impossible) no evidence is ever produced. -Over the next couple months he will make numerous applications to the court to get orders for custody of his son and her other two children (yes that is correct he was trying to get custody of the children that were not his too), making accusations of alcohol and drug abuse. He also tries to get money from her and her parents (this is the only part I'm fuzzy on, he was not successful, but I understand he tried to get money through the courts). A hair follicle test comes back with a high reading for alcohol, negative for all drugs. This test included the 10 days her son was kidnapped, she said she drank heavily in this time and continued to drink wine in the evening often throughout the time following due to the stress of having her custody of all 3 of her children threatened by this monster she had allowed into her life. -She had a protection order against the ex-bf (he took one against her too), then during the accusations around custody she would be forced to sign undertakings. She would often get emotional at this time due to the stress she was under, the Effexor XR she was still on a full dose of heightening her ADHD symptoms and the underlying ADHD itself, the lawyer for children made a disparaging comment like "look shes crying again". When she is in this state she can't read a piece of paper, let alone comprehend it, she was literally forced under duress to sign the undertakings in the court. Told it would help her, only to later end up with 2 days every 2 weeks. On the back of this she has emails from the police telling her not to remove the protection order and that he is dangerous. Her lawyer at the time just seemed to over look all of this even though she was made aware of it. -Ex-bf gets awarded full custody of the 3yo, she is allowed one weekend every two weeks, 84 days out of every 730. That is exactly how often she sees him, not a day more. He spends holidays with strangers, a complaint was even made to OT a while back that he was being left home alone. Somehow after following up this notification about the child being home along, OT ended up coming and asking her if she was feeding him gluten (?). -Ex-husband has seen this all happen. She has stopped drinking alcohol completely but has realized that her life-long diagnosis of anxiety is completely wrong and she's taking medication that causes her terrible side-effects for no reason, Effexor XR. She books an appointment to get accessed for ADHD, but this takes time. Effexor XR has terrible side-effects when you're on it, but ten times worse if you try to stop taking it. It is horrendous (seizures and brain zaps), so as she gradually reduced her dose, she smoked weed to deal with the withdrawal symptoms. -Ex-husband figures out she is smoking weed, goes to the court and gets orders saying she is a danger to the children, she fails a drugs test and she is in for 2 years of supervised access to her kids at her abusive ex's leisure, being allowed to see them the same as her youngest, once every two weeks, but in the case of her first two children, its only for a couple of hours. (long sentence sorry its late I just want to get this down). -She is now too afraid to do anything about her custody arrangement with her youngest, because every time she goes to court it goes badly. Some where shortly before she lost custody of her first two children I moved back to town. My friend was not the woman a few years before who was running a childcare center and having her second child as a solo mum via IVF, organizing work functions while acting as super mum to her daughter. She had been under attack, her ex-husband didn't see the abuse she suffered from her ex-bf and subsequent loss of child as a chance to come to her support, he saw it as a chance to do the same thing to her. -Ex-husband gives zero quarter, she sees the children precisely the amount she has been granted in the orders. She has to attend supervised access at a childcare center staffed by her previous colleagues. She hasn't work in early childhood since she lost custody of her children, she doesn't think it's right. -Her representation at the hearing with her Ex-husband fails her. She had a long standing protection order against him and is forced to repeal it, in some bullshit "interest of better communication" or some horse shit. When I say forced this is what happened from my perspective:

1. Going into court, literally right before I dropped her off, we discussed the protection order and she expressed to me unequivocally she did not want it removed.
2. Shes came out of the hearing balling her eyes out, I asked her what happened, this is how it went: "He's got the kids, two hours supervised every two weeks *crying*" "What? What about the protection order?" "It's gone" "What happened?" "I don't know *crying* I had to sign to remove it" "Where was LAWYER!?" "Right next to me" "Why didn't you tell him you didn't you tell him you didn't want to sign it?" "I DID!".

So she got her ADHD diagnosis, and it's been life changing. She didn't need it to be an amazing mum and early childhood teacher, but she needed it to deal with abusive partners. We call a meeting with her lawyer, and I propose to him that his actions in the last hearing (or lack of) are grounds for a negligence claim. We explain what my friend was dealing with and that she is off the Effexor XR, has proper medication. He says he will work for her for free until she has a reasonable custody arrangement with her children again. So time passes, he says nothing can be done because of the orders, so she waits, she has her supervised access and passes her drugs tests and two years is go by. Her 3 year old is a 6 year old now, shes seen it happen in glimpses, her other children are taking on their fathers entitled nature. On her third weekend of unsupervised access the police wake her up at 11:30pm (while she has the two children) for a welfare check, a friend said she was on an "unknown drug" (her ex-husband). The following week she receives a text from her ex-husband stating that she shall be returning to supervised access until she can produce another clean hair follicle test, and he wants it immediately because he believes she is smoking cannabis again. He refuses to elaborate any further and ceases communication with her. Her lawyer talks to him and establishes some concern around the bike shed where her and her children were getting the bikes out for a night ride, the kids hadn't ridden their bikes in the 2 years they had been with their obese father.
Then tonight her lawyer is suggesting she do counselling with her oldest child and that she just do the drug test again and that he will "suggest" to her ex that at some point this all becomes a witch hunt. And that's all. He contacted her ex-bf for the first time ever to try and discuss her youngest, and immediately after that phone call said "nothing constructive could be discussed" and immediately wants to go to court after her telling him for the last 2 years the guy is mentally unwell.
We both feel like her lawyer does nothing. We are both concerned he sucks. Is her situation really so dire that she must do nothing but eat humble pie and hope the masters of her children allow her to see them. The two exs are arranging for the children to spend time together without her involvement, and she has been excluded from all medical information and decisions. I could honestly go on and on and on. It just gets worse and worse. Especially when it comes to the man who has her youngest. He is genuinely unwell, and I'm concerned for the child so much I'm writing all of this.
Crux: Once you have orders, nothing else matters? Her lawyer says that none of the past conduct of her ex's or herself are going to be of interest to the family court in this matter. A beautiful lovely person, who was raising thoughtful, active kids is destroyed and the kids are being raised by nasty, small minded gluttons who think screen time should have no limits and relish keeping these children separated from their mother as a punishment to her.

A lot of details are left out to preserve identities.
My neighbor “Dee” and I grew up together. She was always a narcissist and liar, she always manipulated people to get what she wanted. Left home early at age 16 and ended up with two kids and mommy and daddy took her back in. She’d spun tales of physical abuse and alcoholism from her ex so they took her back and helped her get on her feet.
Now, I know what it’s like to come from abuse and the way she would talk about her ex wasn’t even angrily but more or less vindictively. It was always strange how she’d never mention too many details but other stories go way too deep. I always suspected her to be lying but I’m not a “victim blamer” so I held my tongue.
The other day, I witnessed her (as did someone else with me) hit her youngest son hard and shove him into her new boyfriend’s truck because he was looking my direction.
That was my final straw. I know she’s mentally ill. She’s had about 7 boyfriends since being back here for 4 years. She’s chased a guy and tried using his daughter to get him to love her. She’s seriously cookoo but nothing set off the alarm bells like seeing her hit her youngest son like that.
I waited it out and then the past week there’s been nonstop partying every night. I’ve heard her scream at her kids for interrupting her smoking (weed). Liquor bottles overflow from her recycling bin. It’s a mess.
Child services here doesn’t do much to help. They have so many cases (I’ve gone through calling on someone before) that they try and slap a bandaid on something and move on.
So I contacted her ex anonymously through a fake Facebook. I said to him that I don’t know if the stories she spins are true but if they are I hope he got help for his drinking. I described without many details what was going on that I’ve witnessed and that those kids need help. He’s the only one with legal ties to them.
My question is this: am I the AH for doing this?! I want to protect those kids at all costs…. She’s moved a new boyfriend in with her off lease (I have the same landlord and we talk) risking her entire home for them!! But then again, probably not my place. I just can’t stand the thought of those boys being hurt. This new boyfriend has no kids of his own (red flag)… I’m afraid the boys will be targeted and end up really traumatized and hurt.
Maybe I’m justifying being an AH but through experience I KNOW child services won’t help so maybe their bio dad will?! AITAH?
EDIT: I didn’t add pertinent details such as : she’s a huge church goer and claims to be saved by Jesus and does service work when she’s supposed to be completely sober for it. It’s hugely hypocritical and I feel like that’s a major concern as well. I know her kids are required to memorize bible verses and be perfect kids on the outside and that alone can do so much damage when they witness mom not following what she preaches…

"Sir I don't think you understand, we need to leave, now."
Milo lashed a tentacle toward the lumbering brute he called a bodyguard,
"Fuck off Jorda, humans are like a smaller, weaker, and significantly less hairy version of you. If you can't handle just one of them I might as well fire you on the spot!"
In the ten cycles Jorda had worked for Milo, the lumbering nine foot hairy mass had never shown even an ounce of fear, as Milo observed Jorda in that moment, that all changed. The hulking figure was visibly shaking, he wasn't just in fear he was petrified,
"You don't get it boss! They're not like other supersoldiers, they're glorified fast lanes to hell! If this really is a human Nametaker after you," Jorda paused for a moment to look at the vital sign monitors hooked up to the rest of Milo's security detail, "And based off of... That. I'd say it is." The fearless Hokthor warlord bent down to Milo's level, placed a meaty paw on the gelatinous glob that was Milo's species approximation of a shoulder, and locked eyes as he concluded, "We need to get the fuck out of here as fast as possible."
Milo took a glance at the security feeds, he observed a lone figure clad in an elegant suit and tie, pick up an ATM with one hand, only to swiftly smash it down onto a horrified hired gun a half second later. Milo went translucent in fear as the human took notice of the camera, smiled, swirled a pistol around his finger, and blasted it. As the screen went to static, followed by another screen, and then another, Milo turned to Jorda and let out a pitiful squeak,
"Get me to the shuttle, now"
Jorda nodded and grabbed his battle mace,
"Follow me sir."
As Jorda opened the door from Milo's office and into the compound at large, an explosion could be heard from somewhere in the building, a nearby guard flinched at the noise, prompting Jorda to scowl at him and grab the guard's pistol,
"Go fight the human coward."
The guard stammered in protest,
"B-But, my pistol! How can I fight withou-"
Jorda brandished his newfound firearm and roared,
"Would you rather I kill you now or take your chances with the human?"
The guard cowered, apologized, and darted off into the direction of the rampaging human. With that out of the way Jorda and Milo began moving as fast as they could toward the shuttle pad. Every time either one of them began to get exhausted they would hear a gunshot, explosion, or scream coming from behind them that would hasten their step. Terrifyingly the noises only seemed to grow ever closer as the trek dragged on.
Eventually the duo reached a massive atrium, stretching twenty floors high, balconies lined with armed guards on every floor, Jorda escorted Milo into the glass elevator at the end of the room and slammed the door shut on several other guards trying to hoof it out of there alongside them.
Milo turned to Jorda nervously,
"Do you think this glass is bulletproof?"
Jorda turned and said,
"I sure hope it is boss."
Before Milo could let out any more awkward and horrified elevator speak, gunfire erupted in the atrium below. The human had breached the room and was clearly visible through the wonderous views of the now shockingly exposed glass elevator.
Milo and Jorda watched in horror as the human lunged at a guard, delivered a single punch that caved in his skull, and stole the corpse's rifle only to aim it at the glass undercarriage of the elevator they both resided in. Milo let out a bloodcurdling scream as the rifle let out a continuous stream of whips followed by the deliverance of massive cracks in the elevator's once pristine glass visage. By the end of the rifle's supply of bullets the elevator was so dinged up that the glass could no longer be considered transparent.
While Jorda and Milo went effectively blind, their ears continued to function, second by horrifying second the gunfire got quieter and quieter, eventually replaced entirely only by the sound of Milo's security letting out shouts of unadulterated terror. As the elevator finally reached the twentieth floor with a half-hearted ding, the gunfire and shouts had entirely stopped, but a strange thud could be heard from the atrium below in a periodic fashion.
Jorda decided to state the obvious,
"The human approaches, we must go."
The pair were faced with a long hallway before them, at the end of it lay a set of doors that led to the shuttle pad of Milo's building; If they could make it there they could live to die another day, knowing this the two set out at the highest speeds their bodies could manage toward their light at the end of the tunnel.
Before the two could make it even half way down the hallway they heard a gargantuan crash, Milo looked behind him to see what was going on, only to see the hand of the human Nametaker protruding through the elevator glass. In another second another crash was heard, and the human busted through the glass entirely.
"Go on b-boss! Time for me to e-earn my pay."
Jorda clearly meant for his last words to come out as noble and honorable, but between the stuttering and the violent shaking his body was subject to, they didn't quite come out that way. The massive Hokthor hired muscle did his best to plant his feet in preparation to clash with the human, but it wasn't enough. When the human reached him Jorda attempted to slam his mace down upon the Nametaker, but the human simply caught the hammer, said,
"You know I expected a lot more from someone who looks so much like Sasquatch," and swiftly put a bullet through the warlord's brain with the stolen pistol that just a second ago resided on Jorda's hip.
Milo was beyond terrified to witness this happen, but he was so close to the doors that he hadn't fully yet given up hope, that was until the human caught up to him almost immediately, did a flip above him, and landed in front of him; after all of that Milo gave up hope and began stammering,
"Please! I'll give you anything you want! Money, drugs, Anything!"
The human simply put a finger to his lips to shush the kingpin and pulled up a holographic list from his wristwatch,
"Let's see here, Mr. Milo Golesh, you are charged with slavery, sapient trafficking, conspiracy to commit murder, murder, theft, fraud, and what's this..." The human let out a slight chuckle, "See your name probably wouldn't have come up on my roster for a year or two if it wasn't for this! Tax fraud."
The human pulled out two grenades from his vest pockets,
"Now normally for members of your species I give them a choice, they can either die to an incendiary or fragmentation grenade, I trust you understand that I can't simply shoot you because of your gelatinous nature." The man stopped to toss the grenades in his hands, "But I've got my own policy for slaver scum like you. You all get the incendiary."
With that the human pulled the pin to the grenade and took a few steps back,
"For what it's worth, I really hope it hurts."
Milo went out screaming in agony while the human strolled out the doors to the shuttle pad, as he reached the doors to the shuttle the man pulled up the holographic visage of his personal AI assistant Joe,
"I'm not being too soft on these guys am I?"
Without missing a beat Joe replied,
"No Bob, you're just as ruthless as ever. In fact I must say that the average sapient may even sympathize with the slavers..." Joe let out a synthetic chuckle "Who am I kidding, nobody gives a shit about those guys. If anything they go out far too easy."
Bob shook his head and sighed,
"I guess it's a good thing the slavers removed my emotional capabilities back in the day, for some reason I doubt the average human would find this line of work very... stomachable."
As Bob powered up the shuttle Joe laughed again,
"Truthfully Bob I think those slaver bastards did themselves a favor, just imagine how dangerous you human supersoldiers would be if you could feel anger! Hell the thought of that scares me and I'm not even capable of really dying.."
Bob was deep in thought for a moment as he began to take off,
"Maybe you're right, in any case how's my schedule looking for the rest of the week?"
"Well looks like the agency's got you scheduled to kill a dictator tomorrow, and after that you've got a day or two off for some good old R&R."
Bob eased the seat back as he glanced out the viewscreen to see Milo's compound engulfed in flames,
"Sounds good Joe, make sure to get me lodgings with a shower and damn good dry-cleaning, I've got a tad more bigfoot blood on me than I'd like at the moment."

I know some may think i'm not that qualified to say this because i'm only at y2v9 but the story seems to go on so slowly that i doubt this small nitpick is gonna get solved in the next few volumes. So far, i still love the story and is probably one of my favourite even if edgy and all. I've come to understand and accept the fanservice and useless illustrations and i don't really care if there are no stakes because this isn't a powerfantasy or anything similiar but i can't help but feel like cote lacks characterization for most of the characters. I don't want every character to have a development since most are simply normal students like Yuki, that Watanabe dude and so on, but some very interesting characters are left in the shadow most of the time?
For example, let's take characters like the first years. Tsubaki is a mystery but i can see why so i'll leave her and Ishigami out of the discussion. Hosen just disappeared, Yagami was a damm loser, Utomiya hasn't done shit, Nanase is now a background character with an okayish design and Ichika, who's the most developed of the first year, doesn't feel like an actual great character? People are just downbad for her because she's teasing and crearly horny for Koji. I don't hate her, i even like her quite a lot, but she's just plain and simple. Even Yagami felt more of a White Room student than her with his mental breakdown so why didn't they show the impact that place had on her a bit better? It's clear she doesn't have many friends and probably saw Yagami as the only person she actually had a connection even if a mostly toxic one so why didn't the author play on this "loneliness" aspect more to make her more likable and interesting?
Among the third years there are a lot less characters and that makes sense, but if that's the case then why don't we see more of them? Nagumo is being built up well and his role in the story is well done, but the rest just feel off. Kiryuin (who's a personal favourite of mine and people also seem to love) doesn't have a lot of scenes sadly and we're left with the "she's like a female Koenji" remark and a few scenes. Asahina makes sense to not be expanded on because she's just one of the few really kind souls in that goddamn school and that's enough for her, but we also didn't see anything about Kiriyama and his plan to take down Nagumo and sadly we also didn't see a lot of Manabu when he was at the school.
The second years are obviously the more flashed out characters and have had a big development, but most of them are still left rather plain. Koenji makes sense as he's a mystery to basically everyone but the rest don't have a reason to be so plain. I'll also take out Hiyori for the same reason as Asahina. Characters like Kushida, Suzune and even Ibuki and Ishizaki have gotten a great development that made them more enjoyable but others like Kei are left to be plain even with room for development and oh God don't get ke started with Ichinose because i may go on a murder spree. Her only characteristics are that she loves Koji and that she's kind and her backstory was just so bad i wanted to rip my nuts off and eat them with salt and ketchup. I don't care about the tits and thights if the character isn't good enough. She ain't even that hot. Sakayanagi also sadly had a very minor development but that didn't stop her from being and enjoyable character with ounces of characterization which emphasises how you don't need anything special to make an enjoyable character and yet the author still misses the chance. People just have to look at Ishizak, Ibuki and Sudo to understand that.
Cote is a story of a broken human being slowly learning to be like a normal human, or at least that's how i see it, and if it's true then why doesn't the author focus more on the human side of characters? I get they're all unrealistical in terms of intelligence and physical capabilities but the rest can be the same as that of a normal 15-18 year old. They're smarter than a normal teenager but aren't they still teenagers?
I feel like the author should take more time to think about what to write and how to write it because some things just don't make sense. I don't want a masterpiece or insane development as you don't need to write the second Berserk to make and enjoyable story but there's so much potential and the author just doesn't seem to care
Still, it may be my neurodivergent ass just diving too deep into things or not understanding that this story is an actual masterpiece with the greatest characters in existence that are simply manipulating my own brain to make me think they're not like that. Either way, i'd like to know what people think and hope to see more Takuya slander in the future. Fuck Yagami

Hey everyone,
I wanted to share my experience with IBS-D (Irritable Bowel Syndrome with Diarrhea) flare-ups every morning, especially since dealing with the loss of two loved ones recently. It's been a tough time for me, as I lost my family pet of 25 years and my childhood friend and lifelong companion bird, as well as a close family friend.
Right before that, I had an injury that I’ve been in physical therapy for four months.
Right after that, the three departments at my job that work together collectively expressed and agreed that we are beyond overwhelmed, and there’s not much that can be done because it won’t last forever. Our work ebbs and flows, and we have more work than ever this year, which meant a promotion for me at least.
While I’m the most stable in having my basic needs being met in my entire life, I’m still stuck.
Since then, I've been in a constant state of numbness, anxiety, and dissociation. Some days, I find myself flipping between overwhelming anxiety, leading to crying spells or even full-blown panic attacks, and moments where I feel completely detached from reality.
I promise we are getting to 💩
In spite of how hard this year has been, the most challenging aspect has been dealing with my IBS symptoms, which seem to be exacerbated by my emotional state. It now takes me four hours to get ready in the morning because my IBS tends to be worse during that time, likely due to heightened nerves and chemical imbalances that the body goes through upon waking up.
Navigating through this has been incredibly difficult, but I'm trying to take things one day at a time and prioritize self-care. I'm exploring different coping mechanisms and strategies to manage my symptoms, but it's definitely been a journey and it’s not sustainable. I can only do the things that make me feel good when I’m feeling good. When I’m feeling bad I’m in bed.
Oh, not to mention each month my period exacerbates the symptom of every single thing going on in my body.
Daily: at some point while asleep the IBS kicks in, waking me up around 6am. Weed helps. Klonapin is necessary. shower to alleviate my anxiety and feel clean, then I crawl back into bed. Loperamide if needed. BRAT diet in AM because of meds.
If anyone else has experienced something similar or has any advice on managing IBS symptoms during difficult times, I would greatly appreciate any insights or support. Thanks for listening.

Just today, I was reminded why I am single with no kids at 27 years old, despite always wanting to have a family and seeking healthy and positive long lasting relationships.
I was told that someone I met online about two months ago who I was there for emotionally when he was extremely down about his dead father would help me financially since I’m in an incredibly difficult position right now and could really use the help.
I had a very emotionally and physically abusive childhood and have become extremely independent, jaded and closed off as a result and don’t enjoy nor aim to rely on people as they always tend to let me down, “I’m sorry” me to death, and disappoint me knowing full well how much stress I’m facing. I don’t even like to accept offers for help because I’ve become so pessimistic from the sheer amount of bad experiences I’ve endured, especially at the hands of men.
I spent hours waiting for a money transfer in a Walmart today on my only day off (I stand for 8 hours a day and have Sunday and Thursdays off) just to turn around and head back home with no food nor money because the person - let’s call him Johnny - was taking his sweet time getting to Walmart to do the transfer, all the while being inaccurate about how long things would take and placating me. I know it’s helpful to be patient and fair but I think I’m too nice sometimes and that’s why people take advantage of my friendship/care/etc.
I left my house around 6:30 as he said at 5:30 he was getting picked up in an hour and wanted to hopefully match up with the time he said he’d be there. For hours I walked around filling my cart and then finally sitting for a moment before finding a charger I had to stand up to use just to wait for the last half hour and be fed excuse after excuse along with some shitty apology about how he can’t rush the person driving him.
Last Friday I had a surgery and have been healing very slowly. Mentally I’m not doing very well (I put down weed, alcohol and ❄️all on my own), I’m still mourning the loss of a pregnancy earlier this year and am living on my moms broken couch in her over crowded and dirty apartment. I also have recently had to report my ex for sexual assault and harassment (don’t want to get into this but I’m really not doing okay and am dealing with a BPD trait diagnoses as of two months ago).
I started working a job at a restaurant just to be fired after a month and a half of training with no clear explanation when I asked. I have a new job now but there’s an optician at my workplace that has perpetuated a micro-aggression towards me in Punjabi (I am Jamaican Canadian and speak English and French only) with another customer right in front of me.
After my coworker walked away after rudely interrupting I was informed that she let the customer know that I was only there if he wanted to chat and to speak to anyone else if they want actial information about the job.
I was hired to be a store concierge. To me this was extremely disrespectful and I tried brushing it off but wound up crying on my next shift and not wanting to even be there anymore.
I tried dealing with things there in the moment but was shut down and now am anxiously awaiting an awkward and confrontational conversation with my boss tomorrow.
I feel like I personally have a strong boundary issue and would like to know how to avoid feeling used, embarrassed and humiliated by people that take advantage of my kindness. Please help.

For background, I had 2 long term relationships a few years back. First when I was 18, and the guy was 21, and then when I was 20, and the guy was 25. The types of guys that go for me are the tattooed, dad-bod, craft beer guys who are about 5-10 years older than me, that's who all of my exes are. I haven't been that focused on relationships for the past few years, but I had a few situationships that were fine but fizzled without any issue.
"Jay" and I met online, on reddit in fact. We were discussing a movie, agreed a lot, started joking and making banter, moved to DMs, etc. I didn't have any intentions. I've never done it before but I made a discord so we could talk without giving out my actual phone number (he showed me how to do it lol!). I found out he lived in my state. It became flirty (he initiated). I had seen a few pictures of him I knew he was an adult because he mentioned voting, drinking, and college. I just thought he was 21, which is still young, I know.
I was cautious to flirt with him over messages, before meeting him, so I told him that. In a really bad decision, we decided to meet up at a public place since we live pretty close to one another. We were just supposed to go for a walk, but it ended up being an all night thing because we got dinner and then went back to my apartment because he needed to charge his phone.
There was a lot of sexual tension, more than I am used to. Important: WE DID NOT HAVE SEX. Or do anything else. He mentioned something about college, and something he said gave me a weird feeling. I asked how old he was and he said 19!
So, I come to find out, he is 19. He never lied about his age, I just stupidly assumed, and that's my fault. I told him I had just turned 26 at the beginning of April, so he knew I was old, but I should have asked how old he was. I also found out he is a FRESHMAN at college and lives with his parents! He has no job, because he's a full time student and he live streams on twitch which he says he makes money off.
Now, I was living with my parents too, until like 2 months ago. I graduated college super late, at 24. I also was unemployed until recently. I often joke to my roommate that I feel like I'm only 20 because I only just started living on my own. I feel like a loser but I had a very bad health condition and was a caregiver so my early 20s just kind of vanished. I only say this to point out that I am not that established financially or career-wise, I'm just more established than him. And trust me I know it's embarrassing that I have as much in common with him as I do.
I expressed to Jay that I was weirded out by his age, and told him to go home. We talked politely after that, and this is my big mistake number 2, because I liked talking with him so I selfishly wanted to continue to be friends. He was teaching me all about video games and twitch, something I never knew anything about. So after a little while, Jay texts me "I want to date you and ultimately be in a relationship." He's very direct like that, and I like that, but he is only direct because he's 19 and he has the that youthful unearned confidence. I told him I can't agree to that because you are 19.
Because we had flirted before I knew his age, I accidentally set a precedent that I have struggled to reverse. He got a taste of what "that stuff" would be like with me and he is very persistent now. I'd like to believe I'm pretty but we all know it's just because he lacks experience.
The second time he came to my place, it was to pick up a keychain thing he had conveniently left here. My ex, who I am friends with and haven't been with in many years, was in the living room smoking weed with my roommate, and Jay decided to sit with them. He was trying to fit in, and my ex offered him a beer and I had to loudly tell him that Jay is only 19. My ex thought he was like 22. I felt awful and I explained to him I don't want to be a negative impact on him. He kept insisting he has drank before, he likes it and he knows to only have 1, but he literally cannot know what he likes, or what is doing. To be fair he didn't fight me on this he just said "I understand" and was very respectful and told me he will stop the occasional drinking even with his friends since it upsets me. But still... not the point.
My roommate says that I'm mothering him, and that I do this to every guy I date, even if they're older than me. But that's just because I can't stand the idea of accidentally harming someone or enabling them to harm themselves! And that's extra true for Jay.
If he were my age, I wouldn't be bothered at all, but he isn't. It's awful and predatory of me to be a 26 year old woman having a FWB OR a relationship with a 19 year old boy whose brain isn't even fully developed. It's just wrong. If the genders were reversed that's what everyone would say, so it shouldn't be any different here.
Additionally, being with me will make him grow up too fast. He should just be relaxing, focusing on school, doing teenager stuff... he shouldn't be hearing me vent about doing my taxes and stuff like that. He doesn't even understand most of that stuff. I can tell because the few times I've tried mentioning it, he just says "oh" or something. He recently started talking about how he wants me to come to a gaming party thing he's hosting (i dont really understand it) and that he wants me to meet his friends... that made me sad.
Tonight I tried texting him and explaining that we are just in different places in life and that I obviously can't commit to dating him. I had said this before, the first time he mentioned dating, but I don't know if he understood. For the first time since I met him, he got upset. He said that he was stupid and delusional and too affectionate... He said he was jealous of my ex for being so cool even though he knows it's stupid. He wasn't like, hysterical, he just seemed definitely upset, which I've never seen him be before. He's always so cheerful, so now I feel extra bad that I made him like that.
Most guys my age aren't really open about their emotions like that, so I didn't know what to say. I felt really bad, I just told him I would give him a break from texting and that I hoped he felt better tomorrow.
I think part of the problem is that I do find him really funny and sweet, so it's hard to force myself to cut him off, but as you're all going to tell me, that's what needs to be done.
In order to make myself more likely to cut him off, I looked up "26 year old woman dating 19 year old guy" and found a few Reddit threads that basically solidify that I am a bad egg and need to ghost.
"Not only creepy, close to being a p\** (if not). He is barely legal ffs."*
"this is super creepy, not okay. it’s like you’re ruining an entire chapter of a book for someone. if you’re too mentally and emotionally immature to find someone your own age, get some therapy and stop dating."
"Disgusting to be honest. If i was his mum i would sort you right out!"
"You’re a creep"
"I’m 24 and think dating a 21 year old is creepy. He’s still a child."
"It’s not right. Don’t rob this kid of his youth"
So yeah. That's cool. I mean, I didn't go looking for a relationship, and I also didn't know he was 19, but now I do, so I have to do something.
It's hard because whenever I bring up the age gap between us, he focuses on the fact that "we want similar things in life". I fully can't have and don't want kids. I just want to live with a boyfriend and travel and maybe get a dog. He claims he wants the same things, but he can't possibly know what he wants at 19. What I want hasn't changed much since when I was 19, but still, for most people it does. Now, when I was 19/20 I dated a 24/25 year old guy but it was different because he was in the Army, whereas I am not established like that, my career is just in social work and I am kind of a loser because I got such a late start to adulthood. And that relationship only ended because he moved and I didn't want to do long distance, but still.
I've never had to break things off with someone because they are too young. I've never even dated someone who wasn't a few years older than me. So I don't know how to say this in a way that doesn't hurt his feelings. It's also really hard for me to do because I like him and think he's really sweet. But I know for a fact I would be a negative influence on his life given my age.
My roommate was saying if I'm going to break things off with him, I should just disappear completely. I was thinking of just telling him I care about him but me being in his life is unhealthy, then deleting all my social media tonight so he just doesn't have to think about me anymore. I think giving him any further explanation will just upset him, and also I think I will keep wanting to talk to him since he is really funny and sweet. I think maybe if I ghost, it will be easier for him to get over this.
TLDR: I met a guy on Reddit, started chatting in Dms, ultimately found out we live near each other. We met up and flirted (NO SEX!), then I found out he was 19. I'm 26. Now, I did get a late start to adulthood, and only just moved into my first apartment a few months ago. I feel 20. But, I am not. I am 26. I am fully aware that it would be gross, predatory, and borderline P*** for me to continue to even flirt with him. It hasn't gone beyond flirting. He sees no issue with the age gap and admitted he wants to be in a committed relationship with me. I appreciate his directness, but he's only direct because he doesn't know anything because he's 19. 19 year olds are incapable of knowing what they want in life, their brains aren't even developed fully. So as much as I wish things were the way he sees them, they aren't. Unfortunately I have no idea how to let him down gently. I tried doing so tonight and he just got upset and it felt really bad. I just told him we'd take a break from texting and I was thinking of just deleting all my socials that he has me on, to make the process less painful for him. I would really love advice on how to make this as smooth as possible because I really care about him, which is why I hate how I'm this icky older woman preying on a nice guy like him. I just don't want to hurt him any more than I already have, on accident.
I am truly sorry for the length, I've never really had a situation with a guy upset me like this so I just had a lot to say, please understand. Sorry.

Hey All,
So i have seen so many mixed bag responses on this, i dont want to scrap the actually pages on sites but what i want to do is try scrap profile names with in a certain requirement. So same page names / profile names to try weed out fake accounts that are effecting my small startup business , so i can simply submit a list of fake profiles to be banned or reported if that makes sense. I know twitter has locked down a lot of the scraping and have seen an alternative site with the same data as twitter but how up to date is it and is it as effective as scrapping twitter itself, can this still be done and can it be done for the likes of insta etc also ? Any insights or thoughts are much appreciated as i am just at the start of this project !

i’ve been drinking since i was about 14 till this friday. the first couple years went smoothly with only drinking with friends and at party’s. by the time i turned 16 my family life was a fucking mess. i lived with a friend and took to weed and alcohol to cope. alcohol became my go to for every bad day or problem i experienced in my life. soon after i got an apartment and that really kicked it off. i would habitually go on 6-8 month benders, drinking enough each night that i would be legally drunk till i started drinking the following night.i also frequently over drank, spending a couple nights a week in the tub. i held a job and was moderately functional throughout it. i would take a month every so often because i would notice my health declining but that would never last. i would always come back to the drink.
in june 2023 i messed up my knee and lost my job. i was mostly bedridden for months, meaning i spent all my time drinking and playing cod. eventually around nov- dec that year my knee was good enough to get a job and i told myself i would get one before 2024. that never happened. i was too content drinking and rotting away in my bed. so about mid january i quit again and said i wouldn’t drink until i got a job and finished school. ( all the times ive quit i used revia and gabapentin to avoid the majority of withdrawls).
stopping drinking made me lose every ounce of will i had to get my life back together. but i held off. i believed i could do it. and then i relapsed in late february. my drinking went immediately downhill. i signed up for rehab after my first week of drinking alone so ig that’s a plus. that happens wednesday. currently going though withdrawls as i ran out of revia so that’s fun. um i guess me typing this rlly has no purpose im just trying to distract myself from the hunger cause i can’t keep anything down. also was looking for advice on how replace drinking with healthy activities once im out of rehab cause the last two years of my life have revolved solely around drinking.
thanks for reading folks and i wish u the best in life

TW: mention of drug use/talk, alcohol use, SA, physical abuse, self harm; cutting, razors
I’ve never posted anything about this before, and have never discussed my trauma in detail outside of therapy, so this might be long.
Some context/backstory: This happened years ago, starting when I was 19, off and on up until I was 22. I’m AFAB and at the time I Identified as female. For the sake of avoiding confusion I’ll be referring to myself using she/her pronouns, however I use He/Him pronouns now. My abuser (let’s call him Eric) was the same age(s) as me.
Our “relationship” was complicated. He was in a long term relationship with another girl, and I (having extensive trauma prior to meeting Eric) refused to commit to anyone at all by that point.. so we kept it on the DL (and no, at the time I didn’t care that he was dating someone. Only that he was attractive, so I pursued him.)
We were volatile to say the least. Jumping at any opportunity to scream, argue, throw things, and even put hands on each other. It was all foreplay to what the foundation of our relationship was really built on; sex. We both regularly picked fights almost every time we hung out just to segue into long aggressive “sessions”. It was plain to both of us that we were using each other as a destructive and aggressive outlet for our own past traumas. We knew what it was. But seeing as we both partied hard (Coke, weed, molly, and alcohol mostly), and didn’t ask prying questions about each other, it was a match made in hell and clearly destined for disaster.
I want to specifically say that during this time in my life I felt completely numb and dead inside. I was using coke to feel alive, drowning the nasty thoughts late at night with liquor, and self harming (cutting) daily to “manage” the war in my head.
I was the party girl, the one who demanded attention and flirted with everyone. I was invited to most parties and kickbacks because I was a social chameleon (masking) and got along well with anyone.
The only time I felt alive was when I was using with Eric. We would buy a couple 8 balls and go through it all in a weekend. When I eventually decided to quit, Eric was pissed and unsupportive to say the least. He regularly bought more, and pressured me -often times until I gave in- because that was when we both really “let go” and got into kinkier things.
The night our situationship ended was one of the nights where I adamantly refused to get high.
Eric was having a small party, and his girlfriend was out of town, so naturally I took my place by his side. I was drinking and having a good time just buzzing around from group to group, but he kept pressing and pressuring me to do some lines with him and his guy friends. First of all, I had never met these friends. Secondly, I was trying to stop using as it was, I didn’t like to get high around other people if they weren’t close friends, LET ALONE people I didn’t know. So I refused, and things escalated to where we were yelling at each other and causing a scene. He took my phone, so it then escalated even more to where we were SCREAMING at one another. He yelled for everyone to leave and I thought at this point we would either fight or fuck our way back into an agreeable place.
I was drunk enough to not be able to drive, or even entertain the idea of a dramatic exit. I had also planned on spending the night partying pretty hard and sleeping over, so I was dropped off and effectively stranded without my phone. I wasn’t drunk enough to forget though.
When Eric announced that everyone needed to leave, I stormed away, went into his room, and waited for him to come in so we could finish this. I waited and waited until finally Eric came into the room holding a rolling tray with A LOT of coke on it, accompanied by three of the men he was trying to get me to party with earlier in the evening. He said to me that he wasn’t asking, he was TELLING me I was going to get high with them. I was terrified, so I railed the fat line he made for me. The four of them then did their lines. After that, Eric told me to take my clothes off. All of the anger and confidence I had died away the second he confirmed my suspicions. I just melted and started crying and begging him to stop this and to just give me my phone back. Instead he walked toward me, and I walked backwards away from them until I was pressed against the far wall. He grabbed me, and they all ripped my clothes off. I was tied to his workout equipment on the wall standing with my arms tied above my head. At first they were just standing around me, describing the things they liked about my face and my body and how they were going to hurt me. They were telling me awful things about myself. They little amount I HAD opened up to Eric over the years was weaponized and twisted and used to degrade me. I was sobbing before they even started. They hit me and slapped me and then they took turns using me. I was moved to his bed, and forced to do more lines with them before they continued. At some point Eric grabbed a razor blade and dragged it across my back several times (we had experimented with knife/blood play in the past that ended with disastrous results, and we never tried it again). When I cried out one of them slapped me in my thigh where I had self harmed. They mocked me and made fun of me for hurting myself. They made it seem like this was something I was used to and even enjoyed. They made me tell them I did enjoy it. They made me say a lot of things.
The absolute worst part for me though, was that I had an orgasm. I had never felt more disgusted with myself than in that moment. I felt utterly betrayed by my own body. I can’t even begin to describe the pain and turmoil that I felt. I couldn’t even rely on myself. I truly wanted to die. And worse, when I finished, they all laughed at me. The second it happened they paused and just laughed at me. As if it confirmed to them that I actually WAS enjoying myself like the twisted slut they said I was all along.
I don’t know how long I was in the room. It carried on like that for awhile I think, moving me around, mocking me, making me do even more coke. At one point they forced me to look at myself in Eric’s bedroom mirror and repeat what they said while they used me. After forever had passed, the 3 friends left and I was alone with Eric. I saw his feet across the room by his closet, but I wouldn’t look at him anymore than that. I don’t know why, but he said nothing. I said nothing too. I just kind of laid there collecting myself in silence. After a while he just up and left too. Nothing ever said. No explanation or even acknowledgment of what had just happened. Eventually I got up, threw on clothes I found in his closet and walked out. My phone was out in the livingroom on the table, and I remember thinking to myself that it was positioned almost mockingly close to the front door this entire time. I walked about a half mile away until I was at my old elementary school and then called as many people as I could until someone woke up and came to get me.
I never told the friend that picked me up what happened, just sat mostly in silence and then paid him for the ride once I was home. After that, I went inside cooked and ate an entire bag of chicken nuggets and watched Moana until the sun rose and my roommates were waking up. I wasn’t able to sleep for several days following that. I spent most of the time in bed with my dog, or sitting in the shower for hours at a time.
~ I don’t want to get into details about why, but I never pursued legal action. His fathers job made it near impossible to pursue without a huge fight and even then it wasn’t something that i thought would work out in my favor. ~
I’ve spent the last 6 years of my life trying to piece myself together after that. I had experienced awful things in my past, but that moment was the moment that truly broke me. It made me feel like I was worthless. Below worthless, utterly and irredeemably disposable. I hated myself to my core. I hated every single thing about myself separately and individually. I especially hated my body for how it responded, and it took me years of faking orgasms with partners and intense therapy for me to let myself feel like I deserved to finish. simply put: I was completely undone.
I couldn’t stand silence after that anymore. Anytime I caught myself in a quiet place my heart would race and my mind would bring myself mentally back there in Eric’s bed. Used and discarded. Wondering why my body betrayed me, why did I walk in his room? How else did I think our relationship would end? There was a pattern, I was the only constant and it was my fault. Everything was my fault.
I couldn’t stop thinking.
I don’t think I ever DO stop thinking. Almost obsessively thinking and rethinking my life choices and decisions. How it’s going to effect my future. Always have a plan, always have a backup plan. Always have a backup plan for the backup plan. It’s just easier to quiet down my thoughts with music or some kind of distraction.
Circling back to my initial question; even now that I’ve been hard at work addressing and unpacking what happened to me, and even though i’m in a safe place with a wonderful family and a partner who is very supportive and understanding..I feel like a part of me was left behind in that room that night. I feel like it effortlessly pulls me right back there whenever it gets the chance no matter how much I unpack it. Sometimes I think that i’ll feel this way forever.

So, I have never made a post like this and I have considered it for a while, but here goes. Keep in mind, this will be a little scattered and I’m sorry in advance if it’s hard to follow. My sister, 29F, has been struggling a lot lately so I thought I’d post here to seek some outsider advice on her situation.
So, my sister, Amy, 29F, got married in July of last year to her husband. We’ll call him Sam. Sam is 25M. To give some context, my sister and Sam have been together for quite a while, and Sam has always treated Amy with respect and kindness; Something she really needed after everything she’d been through. We didn’t have the best childhood, she left when she was 16 to live with her bio dad, we’ll call him Tim. He comes into play later. So, a lot happened in those few years which made her become extremely depressed and distant. I understood. It was a tough time. Sam really came into the picture when she needed him. Their relationship was great from what I knew and saw and she seemed much happier. She started coming around more and even introduced him to the family. Let me point out, for context sake. I love my sister and the last few months she has been trying really hard, but she hasn’t always had the most drive or motivation to accomplish tasks, go to school, or think through hard decisions. She tends to make irrational choices, let the house become a mess, and other typical things that attribute to chronic depression. I can’t blame her. So for her to introduce someone to the family and start talking to everyone again, is kind of a big deal. She’s is gothy antisocial, but outspoken if that makes sense. This is where Tim, her father, and Mary, our mother, come into play. Tim, in my eyes, has always been a kind person. He never has a mean thing to say to me, and never has. However, the history between him and Mary is not pretty, but that’s a whole other story. Of course we all grow up hearing one sided stories. Tim has always been known to us as lazy, abusive, and a compulsive liar. I hate to say it, but it hasn’t been proven false yet. Of course our mom wasn’t a saint either, she had her demons. She was also chronically depressed and suppressing her emotions by working constantly. She was a nurse and anyone in that field can understand when I say she was gone almost every hour of the day and when she was home, she slept. This really contributed to the depression my sister faced and still faces today. She can’t seem to break free of the past and it’s honestly not all her fault. Trauma fucking sucks. So, in August of 2020, before Sam and Amy got married, our mom, Mary, got diagnosed with Stage 4 Brain Cancer. I was there almost every day. I fed her, washed her, took her to the bathroom, hospital visits, even became her power of attorney at her wish. Amy was aware of everything and so was Sam, but they didn’t come around.. hardly ever. This becomes relevant later. So, fast forward to January 2024. Sam’s mom, we’ll call her Christy, needs a place to stay. Christy is in her 50’s if I’m not mistaken, and she’s a heavy stoner, couch drifter, conspiracy theory type. No hate, I love a good blunt and some conspiracy theories. But Christy is lazy and a phrase I like to call a dependapotamus. In other words, she’s a leech. She moved in to my sister and her husbands place, which is a 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom tiny little apartment under the condition that it was only a few weeks TOPS. My sister has 2 cats and so much stuff you can barely move around. She has been working on getting it cleaned up, but taking it a little a time per my advice so she doesn’t become overwhelmed or defeated. So, Christy stated when she moved in that it was only for a few weeks until her house at the Valley, her family land, is going to be done.
She’s been there since January and the recent update from Christy is this: “I’m thinking about moving my mattress in and I’ve been saving to pay your rent.” Okay. So, if you don’t see the issue with this, let me explain. Sam and Amy got married in July, our mom died in June (wedding was already pre-scheduled, it was a beautiful and touching ceremony), and she moved in in July. They’ve been married less than a year, Amy has barely been able to grieve as she is in college and works full time, and doesn’t have the house to just her and her husband. She has expressed constant grief to me about Christy and she seems to be at her breaking point. She has talked to Sam and Christy multiple times about her plans and it’s always brushed off with, “Oh well, just waiting on them to finish up at the Valley.” Or Sam telling Amy that she is overreacting and he is going to support his mom either way. Okay, valid. Let me also state that Christy has made comments like, “You can never take care of my baby like I can.” Or “You don’t know how to take care of your house.” Or comments like “My baby boy only.” Or doing things like buying ounces of weed then swaying she has no money for her new place to be finished. Or smoking “on the porch,” but keeping the door open and blowing the smoke directly into the apartment. Let me point out she does clean up after herself, but that’s about it. I understand Sam’s perspective as my fiancé said it would be very difficult to put a man in this position, but he should be taking up for his wife. Which I agreed. There’s a line and to me it seems like Christy has crossed it. Amy isn’t comfortable in her own home and doesn’t feel supported by her husband. She’s my sister so, of course, I’m going to be slightly biased but I really am trying to see both sides and offer solutions to her. I don’t want to see them divorce over this and I don’t want this to damper my sister’s progress. She’s doing amazing. About to enroll full time in the university I just graduated from last May. I really want the best for her, but her husband doesn’t want to work, but would rather sit at home and play video games and hang out with his mom. He isn’t supporting her, and overall in my opinion doesn’t seem to be elevating her in any way.
I’m so sorry for the book, I’m even positive I’m missing quite a bit, but I would love some advice on this situation. Maybe some comments will help her. And I ask that you please don’t comment divorce unless you have something constructive to say. She doesn’t want that and she’s made that clear to me. Thank you all in advance! God Bless. -CurlyGiraffe

Happy? Sad? Who knows
I think my husband is finally reaching the end of trying to make our relationship work. If you look at my previous post you’ll see that we’re pretty fucked. I’ve been living at my grandparents on and off for months now, with our toddler. We’ve now been here for a month since he got blackout drunk on Easter and berated me in front of our neighbors.
I told him what I wanted in order to come home: 1) for him to prove that he can handle all daily responsibilities himself. Cooking, cleaning, yard work, going to work, etc 2) he quits drinking entirely and works with his addiction counselor to find a way to manage his addiction 3) he makes an effort to “date” me again. We’ve not been on a real date in years, haven’t had sex in over a year, and haven’t shared a room since soon after our toddler was born. We’re essentially roommates.
He’s done #1 consistently for the last month. He claims he’s been drinking “much less” but is smoking pot every night instead (I have 0 problem with weed, though I think for him it’s just going to end up getting out of hand as well). He’s made 0 effort to communicate with me that doesn’t result in him asking me to move back home. He’ll call like he just wants to talk but part way through our conversation will sigh and start talking about how sad he is and that he wants me home. I also can’t complain about literally anything without him telling me to just come home. As if I’ll have less to complain about if I’m there.
Yesterday my grandma fell and shattered her wrist, after having surgery on the opposite arm a week ago. I was upstairs napping with my toddler and didn’t hear her fall or hear her calling my name, and I didn’t know my grandpa wasn’t home either, and I feel absolutely horrible and guilty that I didn’t hear her and help her. She didn’t have her cell phone on her to call me, so she ended up laying there for over an hour and no one knew until my grandpa got home and took her to the ER. The two days before that I was having a row with my brother. I’ve also been off my antidepressants for a week because I’ve been sick for two weeks and combining them with cold medicine was giving me horrible symptoms. Sufficient to say, I’ve not been very friendly or cheery the last few days.
He’s not asked me how I was feeling as far as my illness, or about my grandma, or listened to my rant about my brother beyond telling me to come home. Today he called to talk to me and went on a long rant, in which he called both of my siblings horrible, said he didn’t care about my grandma falling, and said I was torturing him because I have lots of stuff going on tomorrow so I’m not sure if I’ll be able to have dinner with him and our baby.
I’m so ashamed to be tied to him in any way. He pretends really well when he wants to but he is a horrible, manipulative person. I start college in June, which is a huge deal for me as my mom is the only person in my family to be college educated and I’ve always wanted to go. He hasn’t asked me about it at all, and changes the subject when I bring it up. He fucking SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just wanted to create this thread to put my thoughts out there. It may seem over-indulgent to write all this, but I’ve been part of the mod team since last year and I’ve spent many, many hours in this community so I just wanted to say some words.
When I joined the community, I had no idea what Lostwave was. I saw a YouTube video about EKT and became interested. I have a career in music and music journalism so I figured I could help. Within a few months I was asked to become a mod by Soda. I had never been a moderator before in any capacity, so I was happy to take on the challenge. I was confident I could contribute positively with my background and knowledge.
A lot of you can probably relate to this: what started out as a small interest turned into a compulsive need to find the song. I certainly neglected some real-life responsibilities by spending hours a day combing through playlists, movies, digging into discographies, commercials; analyzing the production, the singing, the instrumentation, etc.
Being a moderator felt like a rewarding experience: I tried my best to serve the community and felt appreciated and respected. I had (and have) a lot of respect for my fellow mods and had the sense we all had the right intentions when it came to running this sub. I also respect a lot of the members I've engaged with, learned a lot from many of you.
In the beginning when we had <1k people, the sub was predominantly lyric posts, memes and remakes. It’s interesting how different it is now. Not better or worse, just different. As the sub grew, we saw so many ups and downs and emotional rollercoasters. Who could forget Darren Hayes ‘Everyone Knows That’ to his Twitter page? Or Osny Melo, months later, stringing us along for a hot minute.
And the hoaxes. Some were so extensive, like the dude who faked entire company playlist logs for a McDonald’s in Poland, and someone creating false Ebay listings, or the person forging the Gary Lineker documentary lead. Those moments didn’t bring me down; they were fun!
I also thoroughly enjoyed the creativity from the sub. So many great remakes, hilarious memes, great drawings and posters, and everything else. Not to forget the many interesting (and sometimes heated) discussions about music, culture, and anything that was directly or indirectly related to this song we’ve colloquially dubbed Everyone Knows That.
Then a personal rollercoaster ride started for me. Interviews with Rolling Stone Magazine and The Guardian among some other very big publications. It was difficult for me not to gloat with friends and family. In these interviews I proudly claimed we are the biggest Lostwave community and I still stand by that. I still believe this search is the biggest one in history (looking at you, TMMS fans!).
When we went viral on YouTube and Tik Tok, we were flooded with tens of thousands of new members. The memes, lyric posts, and overall repetitive nature of certain content frustrated the existing member base. They demanded moderation and we tried our best to handle that to the best of our abilities.
Of course, we were happy with the addition of so many new members. We also recognized that running a sub with 1k members was wildly different from 10k members, and a sub of 10k members was a lot different than a sub with 30k members. We came up with new rules and guidelines to give in to the demand of the existing member base (they wanted lyric posts banned, memes and EKT became too much, etc.). I sometimes spent hours everyday trying to weed out low-effort posts.
Then something changed. A large part of the long-standing group of people lost interest and moved on and new people joined. That’s not weird or uncommon – life goes on. Unfortunately, our good intentions were lost on the people who thought we were power-hungry mods intent on gatekeeping and enforcing our own personal taste on the sub. For a while, it wasn’t about the song anymore for me. Anytime I logged on, I was confronted with either a YouTube video calling us out, a mass-upvoted thread hammering down on us, or private messages of people wanting me dead and wanting to ‘piss on my grave’.
I backed off a little bit at that time, noticing that I started to feel bad every time I checked Reddit. I think right at the time I was contemplating quitting full stop, we found the song. What a relief! And what a great ending. I know people are divided on how they feel about EKT being found in an adult film, but I think it perfectly concludes this beautiful story that was filled with comedy to begin with. Any other ending would not have fitted it as good as this one.
It shows you the beauty of the internet. Thousands upon thousands of people coming together to find a background song in a throwaway, obscure, vintage porn video.
I know that in the grand scheme of things, this is just a lost wave search, and nothing more than a drop of water in an ocean, but I just wanted to get these thoughts out and thank the community for being such a big part of my life for a year.
Cheers!

Proof read, edited, and formatted to hopefully be easy for The Trip Keeper to read on YouTube.
A lil about me: I have a family history of schizophrenia with two people in my family being diagnosed. I think that's why psychedelics hit me like a train. I know I'm one of the folks they say shouldn't tripping but I've already done it and I am not stopping anytime soon. I'm quite the spiritual hippie type. I live for the esoteric, bizarre, and werid side of tripping. I'm also quite experienced with psychedelics and drugs in general having tried alcohol, cigarettes, vapes, kava, Kratom, weed, oxycodone, hydrocodone, percocet, Hospital Morphine, Adderall, Ritalin, Vyvanse, Conserta, Nitrous, Acid, Shrooms, n-BOMEs, Synthetic shrooms, random Acid non n-BOME RCs, Hydroxyzine (only snorted while drunk), Phenibut, Promethazine w/o codeine, blue lotus, and a bunch of random herbs and nootropics.
A little context to story, I had got some liquid Acid dropped on Bottle Caps Candy from a family member we'll call R. R had called me up informing me he had liquid LSD and to bring a chalky candy when I came to pick it up. He dosed the candy in another room when I picked them up. When he brought them back there was a thick layer of liquid struggling to absorb into each hit so we smooshed another piece on top of each one, 3 tabs altogether. He told me each one was an equivalent of 2 to 3 hits of high quality LSD. I also hadn't tripped in 6 months at this point but that's a story for another sub. Though the reason why didn't have much to do with tripping itself nor anything fun like psychosis.
A couple days later I found myself with my bills caught up, a slow night on Doordash so no work, extra money, weed, some cigarettes, and my roommate was out visiting Family. I had showered and ate some Chinese before taking a short nap. When I woke up it was around 9pm, obviously already dark outside. I was in a good mood, had nothing to do, and didn't want to go back to sleep so I slapped an LSD bottle cap on my tongue and went for a walk.
One of the pieces dissolved really quickly, like less than a minute quick, while the other piece took atleast 15 to 20 minutes fully dissolve. I was slightly nervous about tripping the days prior and was even a lil scared before placing it on my tongue; but, that fear was completely annihilated when 5 to 7 minutes in I felt this electric tingle that started in the back of my head go down my spine. I started smiling, feeling super happy, and chilled out when the tingle reached the base of my spine. I thought to myself, "Wow, I can't believe I was scared to trip again, I feel amazing right now!!" I lit a cigarette and enjoyed my walk for awhile until I started coming to the end of a col-de-sac, the street I was on was on a downward slope I think this affected things but the end of the col-de-sac and the houses started stretching super tall and became super thin kind of like a fun house mirror. I was completely mesmerized by it till I was interrupted by this electric beeping that made my skeleton nearly jump out of my skin. I had looked over and saw this gray box with 2 pink lights on it sticking out of the ground and assumed that's where the beeping came from. I then straight sprinted home cause I wasn't sure if it was hallucination or not. I did go back a few days later and couldn't find the box.
After opening my front door the night is hard to remember linearly but I will try my best. I don't have the texts anymore from this night since I got a new phone. Once I got back home, I had to use the bathroom so I went did my business but while washing my hands I looked in the mirror and noticed my pupils are starting to look a lot like bowling balls. It was then, I noticed the reflection of the SpongeBob, Sandy, and Patrick on ketamine meme my roommate printed out and pinned on the wall. Their eyes were dilating more than normal and they were all swaying back and forth. I texted R to tell him I finally tried the acid and it's strong. It's roughly 10:40p.m. by this point, even though it had been 1 hour 40 minutes since dropping it had only felt like 30 or 40 minutes ago at the most. I was about to sit down and do a dab but I got a almost telepathic sense I was about to throw up rather than a physical feeling I was about to. After throwing up I texted R freaking out questioning if it was acid since it's not supposed to make you nauseous. He just told me "too much too fast" "calm down put your phone down and be safe". I didn't put my phone down.
I started finally doing some dabs after 2 or 3 big rips I looked over and saw 2 shadow people. One was a little girl with blonde hair, a yellow sun dress, no face, instead was an empty void. It was as if her head was an empty shell and her face was the hole. The other one was a middle aged man with short blackish gray balding hair dressed in overalls, no shirt, work boots, also no face. The second shadow person looked a lot like one of my deceased uncles. They didn't feel menacing or demonic nor even holy as one would expect an encounter of this type. I got up and walked to my kitchen probably to get water but I got distracted by a third shadow person who was a woman but I didn't get too good of a look before being distracted by my thoughts. I started stretching and thinking to myself, "well atleast the dark isn't so scary anymore compared to being schizophrenic" at the time it did feel very profound aswell as I am now genuinely less scared of the dark. There's also cardboard cut outs of the Elysian Full Haze and Full Contact IPA cans hung up in my kitchen. People were walking in and out of the giant head on the Full Haze poster, I thought they were sacrificing themselves to the massive head. Thought the dude on the Full Contact poster was holding my brain aswell.
I remember it was around this time the body load and vasoconstriction was getting so intense that my arms and legs felt lankier than normal and my jaw felt like it was wired shut. I drank some water and brought a glass back to my room. When I came back the ocean thunderstorm tapestry above bed had the clouds and ocean actually moving with the lightning striking. I have string lights behind that tapestry that wrap around to the conjoining wall. The string lights looked like technicolor rainbow stars forming beautiful constellations. Normally, they are only blue, yellow, green, red and twinkle but during the trip some were changing colors to pink, purple, violet, orange, and more colors that don't exist. While the tapestry was animated, it had no sound. There's a framed painting of a deer in a forest during the sunrise on the same wall. The light in the painting was actually coming through the painting as if it was a window with sunlight shining through. The deer even had his head down grazing when normally he has his head turned towards the viewer of the painting. I layed down and decided to throw on some music. I couldn't decide on a song, I hit skip on Spotify at least 30 times before settling on Pink Floyd's Comfortably Numb, cliche I know, but they're one of my favorite bands and usually seem to find me when things start getting intense on psychedelics. I couldn't actually read anymore so I only knew it was Comfortably Numb by the hook and album art.
As I layed in bed I started stretching out and looking around the room. I finally started to relax a lil and calm down from thinking these were possibly nBOMes. I started to really lose myself in the trip. The slight movement of my air mattress made feel like I was floating on the ocean sea, which gave way to a euphoric sense of oneness and that I am an ocean of pure consciousness. The string lights above my bed were twinkling and reflecting slightly off the ceiling. The reflections were blending with the moving geometry on the ceiling. Next, I looked up at my Pokémon 20th anniversary poster. It was a bunch of black and white silhouettes of starter Pokémon from the first five or six gens with the ones in the middle being colored and shaped like Pikachu's head. Every silhouette was pulsating and almost bubbling.
At one point, I watched this abstract splatter colored tapestry for what felt like two hours, in reality it was probably only 30 or 40 minutes at the most. There were rotating hexagonal and octagonal pillars shooting out of the tapestry between the pillars it appeared to boil, the bursting bubbles had sparks flying off of them.
I can't remember exactly when this happened in the night so might as well stick it here. While hanging out in my bedroom, I got up to do what else but smoke more dabs. I did multiple in a row where I would do the whole ritual and forgot I had done so and follow it up with another. While sitting there, I light a cigarette to pass time and to just smoke more while conserving a lil on the wax. On my second or third cigarette in a row I started thinking to myself out loud that, "Ya know, Family Guy is right!! Vaping does look pretty fucking goofy. My twin flame out there probably thinks vaping looks goofy as fuck!! And smoking might look cool to some bitches but they give you cancer and shorten your life. It's less money for weed and psychedelics. I think after tonight I'm done smoking forever." I chain smoked a few cigarettes.
I think this is when I started hearing voices in my head. I was hearing random YouTubers, friends, celebrities, family members, and other random voices saying random words over over again. I truly thought I was hearing my sleeping neighbors' thoughts. I genuinely believed I had Telepathy. The only words I could make out vividly; however, was The Trip Keeper saying, "Gassid" over over like it was a soundbyte looping. At the time I took this as a sign to do Nitrous with Acid and that there was something spiritual I needed to see/experience from it. I was right, however this wasn't the night I did that combo as I had no nitrous at the time and it's an equally crazy experience but shorter story. I'm planning on posting that experience soon, also DO NOT huff nitrous it actually KILLS your brain cells.
Thoroughly freaking out again about hearing voices. I start frantically texting R, however I can't remember what for though. I even vividly remember asking R what would happen if I took more phrasing it "will things get more colorful or last longer?" He never responded. Since I couldn't read I was using speech to text to text R. I also had got up to pace through the house. Ordinarly, I would've left to go on another walk but I had convinced myself if that I had left again one of my cats would get out of the house and somehow I'd get arrested. I look up from my phone to notice a swirling florescent neon colored vortex of geomtry in the middle of my living room. The vortex started swirling towards me and started to suck the words out of my mouth. I saw the phrase ,"The only words that make sense are the ones I say out loud" get sucked out of my mouth by the vortex in bubble letters that distorted and mixed with geometry. As the bubble letters got closer to center of the vortex they would distort super cartoonishly, individual patterns and a mix of colors appeared over each letter. The vortex itself had a wigwag shape to it. At the time I thought in my head, "Damn this is what Jerry Garcia probably ment by "Steal your face right off your head"". I actually attempted to draw this out later on. See the drawing here if I can get imgur to work. I don't really remember turning the lights on all through my house but I vividly remember all the lights being off when the vortex stole my words. I don't remember how the vortex incident ended just that next all I know is all the lights are on suddenly and I'm walking out of my bedroom. It's probably 3 or 4am at this point cause I started hearing my neighbor cough and going in and out for cigarettes the rest of the night. I had laid my recliner, the voices had stopped but that was replaced with an intense loud buzzing inside of my head. I had my head on one of armrests, legs hanging off the other armrest, chair reclined, facing the wall. I was watching the logo on my clawhammer wall flag drip like white blood. My cats, of which I had 10 at the time, 5 being kittens still nursing, were running back and forth and playing with each other. Below the wall flag is a table with a wooden CD tower, my cats Cinderella and Oreo had jumped on the table at the same time. Completely in sync and as one fluid motion they stood up, turned to look at me, arched their backs, and sat down. Their coats were flowing and Cinderella had extra golden stripes in her fur. They stared deep into my eyes for a long time and were trying to ask me telepathically if I was doing okay. I more or less alternated between laying on the floor and my recliner for the next couple hours.
Every now and then I'd hear my neighbor out front coughing. I was debating whether or not to go talk him and wait for the sun to come up. Normally, I would've put on a show from myself at various points through the night but I had no internet at the time.
As the sun was starting to really come up and I was starting to really come down, I went outside and talked with my neighbor for awhile. Told him about my night, he's actually a little bit of a hippie too. I walked to the gas station to get some food. I felt like a zombie the whole way there and back. The light made my eyes sizzle like bacon on the Texas pavement in the middle of July. It felt like my brain was a steaming bowl of scrambled eggs. My jaw felt like I got my shit rocked by Mike Tyson. I came home, ate my powdered donuts despite only being able to taste it's texture which was low-key wigging me out, and watched either Space Ghost Coast to Coast or The Trip Keeper on my phone till I passed out.
The next morning (afternoon), my dad picked me up and we hung the whole day while I recovered and slowly returned to feeling human again. I bummed a cigarette off my dad and decided while smoking it that it was my last cigarette. I actually quit all nicotine for a month and half after this night. I started back up purely because of a bad (tested real) Acid/Nitrous Trip.
I do wanna add while not using nicotine I had vivid dreams about smoking cigarettes and vaping. Keep posted for the follow up stories about my bad Acid/Nitrous Trip, Smoking Dreams, and Snorting Hydroxyzine with Alcohol cause I bet The Trip Keeper wants to hear that last one.

Over the week I’ve seen many people surprised to learn that Watcher even has a Patreon, and asking why they didn’t push it harder in their episodes before turning to something as crazy as a new streaming service. I am very interested in these questions myself, but before we get started on anything broad and philosophical, or anything specific to Watcher, let’s get a huge disclaimer out of the way:
Patreon has been getting worse for a while and many creators who rely heavily on it would probably jump ship if they had a more reliable option and could keep their current subscribers
I don’t want to get too much into the weeds on this one. You can watch this video from Tom Nichols for the details, but I do recommend you watch it on 1.5 because holy fuck does he have slow delivery. Long story short, creators initially flocked to Patreon because it was the first crowdfunding platform to allow ongoing, monthly donations to simply support an artist without that artist having a huge “project” with a funding goal and deadline. Patreon allowed a lot more freedom and security than the previous model of Kickstarter campaigns. So, it was very welcome.
However, Patreon’s venture-capital funding forced it from an early stage to pursue aggressive growth rather than letting it focus on maintaining a good product for creators and patrons alike. This allowed it to establish early market dominance but, this also came back to bite them in the ass as venture capital investors pushed them to get more revenue and keep growing at the expense of its relationship with its viewers. This meant that Patreon has gone from taking 5% of overall donations to 8% (and is pushing hard for creators to join their 12% plan) while also trying to make creators more and more dependent on the site.
This comes at the cost of maintaining Patreon’s core service: subscription payment processing. Patreon is becoming increasingly unreliable at the one thing creators need it to be really, REALLY good at. Most creators AND patrons see Patreon as just a tip jar—a way to pay creators for what they’re already doing on other platforms. Patreon rewards are usually low-effort or sparse (early access, once-a-month Q&A, private discord): a thank-you, a fan club, not the content itself, which is generally hosted elsewhere. Creators don’t want those extra features, but those extra features are being used to justify taking a bigger and bigger cut of their earnings. And creators are increasingly fed up.
All that goes to say, while I don’t think Watcher ever really “got” Patreon, we do need to keep in mind that even if Watcher had made perfect use of their Patreon over the last 4 years, they still would be in a precarious situation today just because Patreon sucks.
(Tangent: any competing platform that can successfully head-hunt the ~550 Whales (the top 0.25% of creators who get 25% percent of all pledges) could coup Patreon’s current monopoly and I wouldn’t be surprised if that happens in the next couple of years. Funniest scenario is if, out of the blue, Patreon’s 500 biggest creators announced “Hey guys we are all jumping ship to a new platform”, deactivated their accounts, and took a huge bonus from the new site to float them for the next few months while their fans and smaller creators made the transition to follow them.)
OK, that disclaimer aside:

WHY DIDN’T THEY JUST USE THEIR PATREON?

Let’s turn this question on its head: Should they have even had a Patreon to start with?
Let’s compare their 25-person company to other big YouTube production suites with multiple employees. Smosh doesn’t have a Patreon. Good Mythical Morning doesn’t have a Patreon. CollegeHumor never had a Patreon. The Fine Bros with all their “Kids/Elders/Parents/Teens react” channels never did. Cut doesn’t. Jubilee (run by Steven Lim’s friend/mentor Jason Lee) doesn’t have a Patreon, and doesn’t it seem insane to suggest that it should? And talking about Jubilee brings us to talking about the investors. Most notably, we should mention the guy who invested in both Jubilee AND Watcher, Steve Chen.
u/DHLawrence_sGhost found a site saying that Watcher received a total of $358,000 but this is not confirmed, however, this doesn’t seem like an unreasonable number to me considering that when you look at Jubilee on Crunchbase, we see that in 2017/2018 the company received $655k from 4 investors in a “Seed” round. Now, we don’t know exactly how much money Steve Chen, the cofounder of YouTube, investor in Wish.com, Printify, and Instawork, gave to the guys. According to Crunchbase, he did give money to Jubilee in their 2022 seed round (they raised a total of 1.1 million from 8 investors including Chen, according to this article, that was not the first time he gave them money). So considering how much Steve seems to be giving out to internet video companies, the $358k seems approximately reasonable.
(Tangent: I think this indicates that while Watcher’s investors (Steve Chen, Ryan Chen of Neuro, and Ben Chen and Andrew Chau of the Boba Guys (tangent: tangent, I don't think any of the Chens are related to each other)) ARE California investor bros, the lack of actual Venture Capital arrangements means probably none of them were dumb enough to think that this little YouTube channel would actually turn into a massive Netflix-size platform as one of their “Unicorns”, so the money they gave Watcher probably didn’t come with as many strings attached to it as you might think and could have been very generous SAFE funding, Since the company has apparently never been profitable, it’s unlikely any of their revenue has had to be passed on to those early investors. They probably each threw away $50-100k on a longshot. The Boba Guys and Neuro got ad space, but Steve Chen does not seem very hands on as he has moved back to Taiwan and seems far more enthusiastic about companies there.
Tangent continues: notably this first round of investment appears to have been their only outside investment. u/ DHLawrence_sGhost has gone through “Making Watcher” and not found evidence of other investors. So while I do think that finance-bro thinking does permeate Watcher’s culture (Examples: Steven Lim calling Watcher a “Start up” and the company’s apparent urge to just GROW GROW GROW), I don’t think that a shadowy cabal of “investors” can be blamed for what ended up happening.)
So: you’re Watcher. You’re 3 guys with a huge amount of experience both in front of and behind the camera. You were given $350,000 to get your own studio, equipment, and employees. And because it’s just what you do when you make a new YouTube channel, you also start a Patreon. Before the Announcement, Watcher had 5814 paid members on Patreon, and 2.94 million subscribers on YouTube. That means .2% of their YouTube subscribers were subscribed on Patreon. That might seem like an awful conversion rate and, while it is, it’s actually better than many similar companies. There’s a “Binging with Babish” Patreon sitting at a tiny 612 members (.006% conversion) and most surprisingly to me the Try Guys Patreon, in spite of the 8 million YouTube subs, only has 2510 patrons (down 3000 members from their peak in May 2019, currently .03% conversion). I’m beginning to think that people just don’t like giving money to YouTube channels that are actually small businesses with 20+ employees.
Who do they like giving money to? Well, the YouTuber with the most Patreon subscribers, Jenny Nicholson, has 1.08 million subscribers on YT and 26,024 patrons, with a conversation rate of 2.4% (most of the biggest Patreon creators are actually podcasts!) Other big-name video essayists seem range from between .5% and 1%. Hbomberguy has 1.1%, Lindsay Ellis who doesn’t even make videos for YouTube anymore is about .65%. That’s who succeeds on Patreon--Individual creators (or very small teams) who create occasional long-form videos. Folding Ideas has 4718 patrons, FD Signifier has 3599, Quinton Reviews has 5131. You can sustain yourself and a small team off those numbers, silently grinding for up to a year without releasing anything before sauntering over to YouTube to drop a 2 or 10 hour video on an extremely niche topic, and the people who like that will pay for you to do it, because 1) they aren’t getting that video any other way and 2) they like YOU and know you can't live on adsense and sponsorships while making what they want.
This is important -- I think patrons like to give money to these types of creators for exactly the same reason Patreon was so welcome in the first place. Lots of creators don’t make videos on a weekly or even monthly basis, but if you really really like that type of video, you know it’s not sustainable for the creator to make that type of thing unless they have extra support. Basically everyone I donate to has a very sparse release, or I’m supporting them as a form of charity (Like Ocean Rescue Namibia, if you canceled your patreon membership to Watcher and are looking to give it to someone really deserving, please give it to the guys who spend their afternoons cutting industrial fishing lines off of marine wildlife). But is the creatopatron relationship really that easy to explain?
Amanda Palmer, the first musician to raise more than a million dollars on kickstarter, wrote a lot about crowdfunding in her 2014 book, “The Art of Asking”, which is based on her 2013 Ted Talk of the same name. In many ways Amanda’s nothing like the guys from Watcher. She’s a musician who writes about abortions, vegemite, and relationships where her partner won’t communicate his feelings (she was also married to Neil Gaiman for 11 years). She plays piano so intensely that she breaks the keys and lets her drunk fans draw on her naked body with sharpies. She was a living statue for 5 years. In short, Amanda Palmer is not a “Content Creator”, she is a capital A Artist. And yet, the conversations she writes about in 2014 seem painfully prescient to what the guys went through 10 years later.

We were comparing notes about the pros and cons of Patreon.com, a new subscription service Sam was using…Sam was about to travel to Asia with her boyfriend, and she was fretting about what her backers would think if she released some of her new songs to Patreon while she was “On vacation.” She was worried that posting pictures of herself sipping a mai tai was going to make her look like an asshole…
I told Sam about another songwriter friend of mine, Kim, who runs her own direct-support website…Kim had told me a few days before that she doesn’t mind charging her backers during what she calls her “Staring-at-the-wall time”, which she thinks is essential before she can write a new batch of songs. Her fans don’t complain; they trust the process.
If you’re asking your fans to support you, the artist, it shouldn’t matter what your choices are as long as you’re delivering your side of the bargain.

Amanda focuses a lot on the human connection that occurs when someone asks for help. People like helping, they like donating to artists, even though most of them don’t even use the little extra rewards like early access. They like knowing that the person who makes the thing they like can make it without starving or living in a mold-infested apartment. The vulnerability of the artist asking for help makes the art more authentic, it helps fans enjoy it more. Yet a lot of creators and artists feel a lot of shame in asking. Some of them like Dan Olson don’t shout out their patreon at all, assuming (rightfully, I suppose) that their fans will seek them out and support them. But if you are one dude living with his girlfriend and cat in Alberta, Canada, paying the occasional animator or songwriter for a brief interlude in your once-yearly video about internet finance, you can make that call, and live comfortably off 5,000 patrons and adsense.
If you’re a 25-person company in Hollywood and many of your videos require travel, well…that’s a different story. It feels funny, of course, that you were able to look Steven Chen in the eye and ask him for tens of thousands of dollars, but you can’t deliver a promo read to your own audience asking them to pay into the $5 tier of your Patreon.
Of course, fans at the time were angry because many of them didn’t have that $5 to spare, and Steven Chen of course has many tens of thousands of dollars that he won’t even notice missing. But if you’re a finance-brained LA wannabe tech bro, or hell, even if you’re a bass player on tour with Amanda Palmer, asking fans for cash feels embarrassing, like begging, and asking millionaires makes you feel like the next Steve Jobs. You can either accept the discomfort (Like Amanda) or you can reject it, and try to quantify it, because once you reach a certain point of Capitalism Poisoning, it is easier to ask people to give you money for a Product, even a stupid one like Watcher TV, than it is to just ask them to give you money for what you have already released for free.
No one would have been mad if the guys had just…shouted out their Patreon more often (although ultimately it might not have been enough money to save them, if they had been pushing their Patreon harder from the beginning, they would have had a higher income from it this entire time). But in trying to fix a hard even number, the guys violated a sort of invisible social contract which has been innately understood by almost everyone else on the internet. The current model is, “Everyone gets (mostly) everything, those who really like it can pay what they can, and we’ll be OK.” Changing that to the streaming service says, “No one gets anything unless they pay for it.” (Yes I know it’s now an early access model, that was not the original plan). They have rejected what your audience has already done—this is why it’s so horrible that they never mentioned the Patreon AT ALL on the original video. Even if you had never paid for the Patreon you were offended on the current patrons’ behalf.
Lots of fans say they can't trust the guys anymore, that the rose-colored glasses are broken, and I think it's a bit more nuanced than just learning that the guys are bad with money or don't understand the financial realities of their audience. The reason the audience can't trust the guys, is that the guys have made it clear that they don't trust the audience.
I think Watcher was in a really uncomfortable position, because that early boost of funding got them off to a great start, but it also made them a Real Company, and Real Companies Don’t Use Patreon. You get imposter syndrome, almost, feeling like you’re not one of these Real Artists who need it to actually use their rent. Amanda Palmer talks a lot about imposter syndrome, the embarrassment of asking her fans to fund her album when she wasn’t a brand new artist but an established one who had actually already had a big record label deal. Worse was asking her fans to fund a project while being married to Neil Gaiman of Being Neil Gaiman fame and money. Yet, her music was always coming out for free, and if you thought she should live off her rich husband, you could just listen to the music and not give her a cent. But even though Amanda felt like an imposter for asking, her fans found her music and art authentic, and kept giving. She has 9406 paid members now. At her peak she had over 15,000, and that was WHILE she and Neil were still married.
Watcher’s audience was also extremely invested in supporting them, and so even though their Patreon worked more as a paid fan club than a tip jar, that was OK for a while. The audience (kids who liked YouTube and young adults who wanted to hold onto the good times from when they were those kids) was willing to treat The Guys just like they treated the other creators they supported, because from a certain perspective Watcher actually wasn’t that different from Overly Sarcastic Productions (3063 patrons) or Lemmino (1732 patrons). They made videos on YouTube, and you gave them money on Patreon. Yeah, maybe they had a few extra employees, maybe their videos were more “content” than “art”, but it was still The Guys, and everyone wanted The Guys to succeed. Sure, The Guys took sponsorships, and there were a lot of ads, but so did the other creators they supported. It was OK.
Watcher wasn't just another group of guys on YouTube, of course, but it's important to note that they could have been. After leaving Buzzfeed, they could have grown themselves up naturally, reading creepypastas over Zoom (probably without the custom art), making Puppet History in a small rented studio (probably without the cute original songs), cooking silly requests for their friends (probably without the ridiculously overpriced ingredients), streaming spooky games on Twitch, while regularly shouting out their Patreon and learning what they could rely on for Adsense. And they could have added in other staff slowly, only as necessary, not outpacing the growth of the channel. They could have been Real YouTubers.
Maybe they could have actually gone on to TV. Maybe Ryan and Shane could have pitched themselves as a ghost-hunting duo with tons of fans, and a streaming service like Hulu which had already hosted their work, or even an actual network like SyFy could have picked them up. Steven and Andrew could have pitched themselves as a food travel channel to Netflix or the Travel Channel. All their old fans would still have been able to watch, or if they had to pay for a new service, at least it would be a service full of other stuff to watch. Hot off their huge successes at Buzzfeed, they could have been Real TV Guys.
But when introducing the streaming service, Watcher tripped on the curtain, and revealed the truth. They were just a badly managed company that had way more in common with Jubilee, Cut, and Buzzfeed than it did with the rest of YouTube. And the Guys did that to themselves. They chose to put a number on the relationship they had with their audience ($5.99 is exactly how much they think they mean to you, if you ever gave them more than I guess they think you are a sucker). They aren’t Real YouTubers, and they have probably blown their chance to be Real TV Guys, and now they are something far far less, something no creative should ever aspire to be: just another content mill.

Have you ever wondered how you spent time when you had no TV sets at home? Or maybe a mobile device with your accounts in various OTT platforms? Well, this ‘Netflix and Chill’ world is so cool, right? And, if you aren’t addicted to this world- it is best to spend time watching your favorite shows without making an effort to get up from your couch! Let’s check out all the latest Best Movies and Web Series on Netflix in March 2024. While, we are waiting for the new seasons of Stranger Things, Squid Game, and All Of Us Are Dead- here are the new releases that will keep you entertained in March.

1. Maamla Legal Hai 1 March

A comedy-drama series in which a local court lawyer writes a letter of complaint at District Court Patparganj. Reason? To find justice and improve the working conditions of the court for all the employees and lawyers who work there. When a lawyer fights for his people, the fight will be a big, goofy, and funny one! The show has received immense love from viewers and got an 8.3 IMDb rating- so it is a must-watch series for you.

2. The Gentlemen 7 March

An American TV series that is a spin-off of the superhit 2019 movie of the same name. The show is about Eddie, an aristocrat who is finally ready to inherit and run his family’s real estate business. But, after entering the estate world- he realizes that it is not just a real estate world, but a gigantic weed empire- and he is stuck with the greedy proprietors who aren’t ready to go anywhere.

3. 3 Body Problem

A new sci-fi series about an experiment done in China during the 1960s, which eventually affected the future of the planet Earth. And now, a few scientists, along with some detectives, have joined hands to solve the issue of a planetary threat- a danger that could wipe out the whole existence of our planet and humans.

4. Damsel

A much-awaited action adventure thriller movie starring Stranger Things star Millie Bobby Brown in the lead role of Elodie, a young woman who is excited to marry a young prince. But, after marriage, she comes to know that it was all a trap- she is bundled up and thrown into a cave as a sacrifice to repay the royal family’s ancient debt.

5. Spaceman 1 March

Sci-fi adventure movie about Jakub Procházka, a young scientist who grew up with his grandparents in the Czech countryside. He was abandoned by his parents a long time ago, but living with his grandparents- he developed an imagination and a passion for doing something special. He grows up and becomes a scientist, and also the first astronaut in his nation- the Czech Republic.

6. To Kill A Tiger

It is a documentary film that was released in 2022, and received laurels in various international film festivals including TIFF, and even got nominated for Oscar in the best documentary category. A story of bravery and love for one’s child- about a man named Ranjit, who lives in a small village in Jharkhand. He fights courageously and demands justice when his 13-year-old daughter gets brutally gang-raped. The saddening reality of our society and the determination of a father is accurately shown in the movie.
Read More : The Upshaws

7. Murder Mubarak

A mystery comedy film about a murder that happens inside a closed room, where many guests have arrived- there are chances of dismissing this case. But a non-traditional and witty police officer takes the case into his own hands and tries to find the murderer at any cost. He finds out that the culprit is hidden beneath those friendly faces. This movie has an ensemble star cast including Pankaj Tripathi, Sara Ali Khan, Vijay Varma, Karisma Kapoor, Sanjay Kapoor, Siddharth Roy Kapoor, and Jhanvi Kapoor among others.

8. The Great Indian Kapil Show 30 March

Kapil Sharma, the renowned stand-up comedian of India is launching his comedy gig on Netflix instead of his usual TV show. The show is interesting because the whole cast of the Kapil Sharma Show is joining him including Kiku Sharda, Krushna Abhishek, Archana Puran Singh, and Rajeev Thakur, among others. Interestingly, after years of staying away from sharing a stage- Sunil Grover is returning to the show.

9. Merry Christmas 8 March

A mystery thriller drama that captivated the audiences upon its theatrical release- Merry Christmas is finally releasing on OTT- and the viewers are pretty excited to watch it! The movie starring Katrina Kaif, and Vijay Sethupathi for the first time together, is about two strangers crossing paths on Christmas Eve and deciding to spend it together. But, they can’t stay together for long because some secrets are better not spilled.

10. Fighter

An action thriller starring Deepika Padukone and Hrithik Roshan in the lead roles. It revolves around the story of Shamsher Pathania aka Patty who fulfills his dream of becoming a part of the Indian Air Force. However, just joining the team is not enough, the journey ahead is filled with patriotism, determination, and a lot of teamwork.
If you are done with this list of 10 Best Movies and Web Series on Netflix in March 2024 and selected the ones that you would watch- well, go and watch as some of them might’ve already been released on Netflix!

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/ThrowRA-lanadelcray posting in relationship_advice
Concluded
**Mood Spoiler -*\*shes is now single
1 update - Medium
Original - 21st April 2024
Update1 - 22nd April 2024
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1 New Update
Thanks to u/Various_Possible_527, u/-trout, u/keiciii and u/TeddyBearT800
for pointing out the new update
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Update2 in the same post - 27th April 2024
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I (25f) kissed another man when I was drunk. Should I tell my boyfriend? (28m)
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This past Friday my friend threw a huge party for her 26th birthday, it wasn't a particularly significant birthday but her father always indulges all her requests and her parties are always one of the highlights of the year.
This year she was inspired after watching The Fall of the House of Usher on Netlfix and wanted to throw a party in an abandoned building and her father made it happen. I wasn't too involved with the planning this year because work kept me busy so when I first heard the idea I was skeptical but she pulled it off spectacularly.
A little backstory on my boyfriend and I, we met at uni when I was 18 and had been close friends, slightly lost contact when we graduated and I got engaged, my fiance died when I was 22 and he was great support to me during that time and after that since he moved to a city 4 hours away we'd only exchange the occasional text. Well, until Feb of this year when we both got slightly pissed at a another party and slept together. He asked me out after that and we slowly transitioned into a relationship.
Anyway moving on, I woke up today with vague memories of what had happened the night before but my body felt...wrong. I know I got insanely drunk and stupidly said yes when I was offered ecstasy. I've only ever smoked weed in the past and that was during uni, the UK is very strict about drug usage and my job requires a pretty intense background check, even being in the vicinity of substances might get me fired.
At the party I hung about with my friends towards the beginning of the night but I turn into a social butterfly when I'm drunk and I wandered off and ended up chatting to a friend of a friend I barely knew. He was quite flirty and I remember mentioning pretty early on that I had a boyfriend and he said he was just 'bantering', now I can't remember who initiated it but I remember kissing him. I don't for how long but it felt pretty intense.
After beating myself up and having a shower I asked any of friends if they had witnessed anything and one of them said she was the one who has dragged me away from the other guy after seeing me making out with him. She said as she grabbed me she could tell I was ridiculously drunk and had no idea what I was doing and took care of me the rest of the night.
She had chosen not to say anything to me if I didn't remember since it was just a drunken mistake and my other friends agree with her. They said it's not worth blowing up my relationship with something like this since it doesn't mean anything and I barely remember what happened. She told me nobody else saw since we were in quite a secluded corner and this secret would stay in between us but I'm not sure how to proceed.
He texted me this morning asking how I was and hoping I had a nice time and if my friend liked her present since he helped me shop for it and I haven't been able to reply to him. I've got no words until I sort out what I'm going to do.
I know these girls would never tell a soul what happened but the guilt is killing me. I don't know how I'm going to face my boyfriend the next time I see him even if I choose not tell him.
And if I do then how do I deal with everything if he chooses to leave? I know I'll never do anything like this again because I'll never let myself be put in such a mindless state but would it be absolutely horrible of me if I choose to just move on from this without telling him? I need objective advice because I know my friends are always going to try and protect and help me. I know I exhibited supreme lack of judgement and would not mind any criticism but don't slutshame please.
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Comments
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OperatorValueson
Tell him and accept the repercussions as the cost of this mistake. There is no way out of it. Learn from this and grow as a person.

OOP: I think this was definitely the wake-up call I needed about how I'm living my life

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Gatorman042755
You think your secret will be safe with your friends, but this kind of thing always gets out eventually. So, you have a choice between the following:
Coming clean with your bf now, confessing your mistake and promising never to get that sh\t faced again, and because you're being forthcoming, honest, and regretful, having the possibility that he will eventually forgive you, and maybe save your relationship.*
Having him find out a month, 6 months, or a year down the road. At that point he will know that you hid it from him, lied by omission, and have a hard time proving and documenting what actually happened. He will never forgive you or trust you again if he finds out about it this way, and it is almost certainly a death knell for your relationship.

OOP: The possibility of him not forgiving me is what is terrifying to me but you're completely right about it being worse if he finds out down the road. I don't think there's going to be a magical perfect outcome for me here

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Update - 1 day later
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Thank you everyone for the advice left, especially the comments calling out my behaviour. While they initially stung, you made me see the way I was trying to justify what I did instead of taking accountability. I got a dozen messages from people who had been in my boyfriend's position before and I want to apologise if my post was triggering in any way. So I listened to the majority and told my boyfriend.
I texted my boyfriend that I missed him a lot and he said that he could drive down and stay for a couple of days since he could work remotely if he wanted to but I don't have that option. He basically left as soon as I asked him to and it takes him about four hours to reach my city in which I had enough time to get the full story of that night.
I asked a friend of mine if he could find out from the guy what happened without making it obvious I was asking and he agreed, I asked him to call me when he did so me and my friends could listen in. I wanted to know exactly what he said so I knew what to tell my boyfriend.
My friend is closer to the guy than I am and they game together so him going over to his flat wasn't an uncommon occurrence. Initially he was worried that he wasn't a 'good actor' but I told him exactly how to bring it up and he did pretty well tbf.
He said he had seen me and him kissing and asked what was going on. The other guy laughed the whole thing off, saying he didn't think I'd be such a slag and that my friend was a 'c*nt' for dragging me away. My friend said the situation was pretty fucked now since I had a boyfriend and the other guy said if I didn't want him to kiss me then I shouldn't have hung around him all night but my friends told me I wasn't around him for more than 20 minutes in total.
At least now I know I'm not the one who initiated the kiss and he was much more sober than me since he recalled things I had no recollection of saying. In my previous post I said I remembered mentioning my boyfriend and he said that too so I am trusting the little memories I have of that night. A couple people messaged me saying I had been taken advantage of but I honestly can't say that since I did kiss him back. That is a huge accusation to make and I can't remember enough even say that.
Everything that guy said just confirmed to me that I needed to tell my boyfriend. I am furious with him for the way he talked about my friend and I but I'm not going to waste anymore time on him.
While my boyfriend was driving down I texted him that I needed to talk to him about something important as soon as he got here so I wouldn't chicken out. I live with two of my girlfriends and they cleared out until I had talked to him so I had no excuses. He looked so worried when he arrived, I think he thought I was going to break up with him since I was crying as well. He was being so unbelievably sweet and hugged me tightly and said he wanted to work it out and just wanted me to talk to him.
So I sat him down and told him not to interrupt me and to let me finish. I told him everything, taking ecstasy, kissing another guy and waking up not remembering anything, I even told him that I contemplated not telling him anything, what the guy said on the phone. Absolutely everything.
He was holding my hand tightly in the beginning and by the end of it he had his head in his hands as he listened to me finish. He just sat there in the end and stared at the floor. I knew I needed to give him time but I don't know how long we both just stared into space. I had no clue what he was thinking. I would've preferred if he just yelled so we could atleast talk, I wanted to shake him into saying anything.
When he finally spoke, his voice sounded soft and hurt. He asked me if I actually did want to see him or if I made him drive four hours just so I could tell him I kissed someone else. I said I did miss him but knew I needed to tell him what had happened and didn't want to do it on the phone.
I told him that I wanted to take full accountability and that as drunk or high as I was that was no excuse and I was so very sorry for hurting him this way. After this I know I can't trust myself to drink in a responsible way and that I'm going to cut back on it. I've planned to go fully sober for one month just so I know I can and that nothing like this happens again.
He replied that this had just confirmed every insecure thought he had about our relationship. He said he always felt like I had one foot out the door and that he had pressured me into this relationship and maybe what I did was a way getting out of it. I said it was a drunken mistake and it didn't mean anything further. He said it meant he loved me but I didn't love him and had this been any other girl in his past he would've been out the door but he couldn't do that with me just yet.
And I couldn't fight him on that. I couldn't say I loved him right now, I cared for him alot and I could see myself being in love with him in the future but I'm not there right now. I haven't been in a relationship since my fiance and it's been difficult for me to open up my heart to someone else. I'm terrified of being left by someone else I love.
I asked him if he could see himself ever forgiving me and he said that he didn't know right now. I know I'm not the victim here but hearing that was so painful I just started sobbing and being the amazing man that he is, he comforted me and I felt so disgusted with myself for hurting him. He held me against his chest, stroked my hair and let me cry it out.
And then he left, saying he was going to get a hotel and come back tomorrow so we could talk when we're not so emotional and after he decided what he wanted moving forward. I told him he could stay in my room and I'd sleep on the sofa but he said he didn't think he could be around me right now and make a rational decision.
Right now I'm fighting to urge to go to him and make him stay any way I can. I know there's no magical words that'll fix this. Also has anyone ever been through anything like this and how did you and your partner worked past it?
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Comments
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Independent-Library6
Had him drive 4 hours so you could tell him you cheated, lol. Jesus, you're insufferable.
lookingforpc
Harsh, you know she did it in goodwill in a panicked state, but I'll admit it must not have helped the situation
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WominjekatoNaarm
Guess who is currently on his way home right now. OP. It'll be a miracle if you ever hear from him again. You might want to check your socials and see if he is still on there. If he isn't, he won't be coming back.
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Update 2 - 5 days later
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Sorry I forgot to update this but this past week has been pretty shit. I wrote down everything that happened but wasn't in the mood to post it until today.
My boyfriend came back the next day and his demeanour had completely changed. I tried to hug him and he side stepped me and asked if we could go on a walk to talk since he didn't need my friends as an audience.
Before he could speak I apologised again and promised to do whatever to make it up to him and he said I didn't need to do that. He said he thought about it all night and came to the conclusion that we never should've started dating no matter how in love he was. That the conception of our relationship was from me being drunk and sleeping with him and that he should've treated it like a mistake rather than the start of a relationship. He said he was tired of feeling like a second thought and apparently I made him feel that way.
I kept on saying I wanted to be with him even though I know he deserves better and that I knew what I was doing when we got together and in what circumstances did I make him feel like he didn't matter? He said he's seen me in relationships when I care and love the person and he didn't get any of that.
After my fiance died, he was the one that pushed me to go to therapy and I always refused since I didn't think I needed it and he brought that up as well and said my life would continue to be a mess and I would continue to hurt other people until I broke my destructive patterns and actually dealt with my emotions.
I just had no clue what to say. I admit I'm the one that fucked up but it's one fuck up, it's not always indicative of some larger problem. A mistake is a mistake sometimes.
He said he still loved me but knew carrying on with a relationship right now would cause more problems between us later down the line and he didn't want that. I told him I didn't understand, if he loved me how could he leave me? I still don't understand. He said just because we wouldn't be together didn't mean he'd disappear from my life. He said anything that happened between us right now would be tarnished and he wanted a relationship without guilt and that wouldn't be possible right now. I saw how painful it was for him to say all of that to me, I'd never seen him cry before.
He left after that since I couldn't talk to him anymore. I just felt so hurt and abandoned and then felt guilty for feeling like that since I was the one who fucked up and it was just a vicious cycle. He kissed me when he said goodbye and said he'll check up on me soon.
He texted me the next day, just asking how I was and I didn't know how to reply so I didn't. He still messages everyday, asking how I am and that he really wishes I would text back since he's worried about me. I cant find it in me to reply. I know he's asked my friends about me but they said he just seemed concerned about me.
I still can't believe he ended it.
The only positive is that I've not drank any alcohol in about a week and it's much more difficult than I initially anticipated but I'm going to carry on and try and finish a month.
I'll update if anything else changes but it probably won't
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Comments
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Longnumber (before the update)

Also has anyone ever been through anything like this and how did you and your partner worked past it?

Yeah, I'll share, but I don't think it will help you get back together.
I'm now mid 30s. I've been with my wife since we were 20. We were long distance off and on for the first years. We never really set clear boundaries on what was and wasn't over the line. Dancing with other people when we went out was never discussed although making out/anything approaching sex obviously was off limits. I would wingman with friends and talk/dance with girls but never let anything escalate. Felt like it was harmless fun.
One night 2 years into the relationship, I was very drunk and essentially got ditched at a party where I knew no one and with no way home except to wait for a ride that wouldn't be for over an hour. I thought, "fuck it, I'll meet people and dance". I ended up dancing with a girl which escalated into making out. She was talking about getting me back to her place. When we split to go to the bathroom, I sobered up, realized what I was doing and went outside and waited for my ride.
There were no witnesses, no way for me to ever get caught. But, I felt guilty. And, I knew with roles reversed, I would want my girlfriend to tell me. So, I told her. And said I realized that it was easy for dancing with other people to escalate so I'd cut it off.
She didn't like it, duh, but it wasn't even a fight. She asked for reassurance it wouldn't happen again and I gave it. Then we said "I love you" and had sex. We moved on. And, over a decade later, I haven't done anything else that approached cheating.
Factors that i think worked in our favor for getting over this that you may be :
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• I didn't blame being fucked up and gave a concrete plan for never repeating the mistake.
• it was clear there was no way she could have found out without me telling her. No friends around.
• we are both rational people and knew and had discussed being in love and getting together didn't mean no one else could be attractive
• I gave verbal and physical reassurance and did not give "space" unless it was asked for.
• I told her at a convenient time and did not make her drive 4 hours to hear my confession.
• I didn't make her comfort me
• we had already discussed being committed to each other and planning to spend our lives together. There was no question about whether I actually loved her or had "a foot out the door". I was able to tell her I loved her and mean it.

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All in all, I think this is something you could get over if you were otherwise committed to this guy and if the story here is really the whole thing. But, bottom line, you couldn't tell him you loved him and mean it. I think it's over.
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I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

I have a 2 year old and a 5 month old. My dad asked me out for a few drinks today and ended up out 5 hours past the time unofficially agreed. I didn't even want to go out initially but she suggested it would be good to get out as it's been months since I done anything. For reference both me and my partner barely drink maybe like 3 or 4 times a year. Our downfall is that when we do drink with or without each other we usually end up on cocaine. I share with a friend and realistically have about 0.3 or 0.4g max in a night IF I do. I also smoke weed which is why I ended up out in the first place. I rarely go a day without which I'm fully aware lots will criticise. However I've smoked it pretty much daily since 16. I'm 36 now. From my perspective I use it as a calming mechanism and just daily relief. I don't handle stress well and I'm a firm believer that if I don't smoke like I was when I was younger. I will get into more trouble as I'm like 100% certain I have some sort of personality disorder. I don't get along with most people on reality although people who know me would say I do. But its an act and a learned skill from being young. I can talk to all walks of life having dealt and been among all walks of life so that is my one thing I have going for me. Anyway off topic but back to the night out. I went to pick up smoke but as my dad lives nearby he said come for one pint. I can hand on heart say in the 11 years me and my partner have been together it's happened max like 2 or 3 times. Anyway I stayed out longer than I should have. But next thing you know she's calling my family at 1 in the morning asking where I am what am I doing etc. Personally I don't think this is right checking up and calling in on me when she knew the whole night where I was and who I was with. Like I said we have two young children but we have been at each others throats for a long time now. Basically since the eldest was born. He's 3 next week. I get this can be normal when kids are involved and getting wrong for being out late tonight wasn't really what bugged me. It was how much she kicked off for having to tend to them both while I was out yet she always gets support from family when she's alone e.g. her mam/sister or anyone friend wise willing to come round. But never alone. But for me when I am alone with them I never have any help. All childcare vanishes without a trace and yes it's normal but she sees herself as worse off even though I work a hell of a lot and 99% of my shifts start at 6am. So it's difficult to help out on night feeds. Also I lost my best friend last year and took it really bad tbh. Took 2 months off work and the same happened. All chdcsre disappeared (I know it's not her fault) but it made recovery so much harder not having time to think or deal with it. So I went back to work as it seemed the easier option and had more head space weirdly. Anyway on top of that I do pretty much everything in the house chore wise. Dishes. Hoovering. Dusting. General tidying. Washing up and reorganising general clutter. Also gardening, bins and any type of redecorating e.g painting plastering flooring you name it I've done it. She doesn't do any of these and the mere mention of her tidying up results in a long 'talk' about how I always moan at her for not doing anything. I'm ran down to the bones now. One thing I will say is she deals with the nighttime stuff for the newborn. And me the two year old. Who by the way wakes a minimum 2 times per night still for milk so I'm hoping that phase is nearly over. Anyway this is used as a justification for everything else I do kind of as an equal. But she knows I can't help too much with our new born during the night due to my shifts starting time. I'm up at 10 to 5 nearly every day. Then have to pedal 30 mins to work etc. Also she is still off on maternity too on a side note. I guess after such a long rant. My main focus is this. Should I tolerate someone who doesn't appreciate everything I do even though she is in fact a lovely woman a lot of the time. Very organised in her job but not at home so much. In 11 years she has hoovered once and I genuinely had to show her how to use it. She literally only touches a few dishes and might do the odd clothes wash once in a while. She's amazing with the kids and super organised for trips events etc with them that kind of thing. And if i make a big enough fuss aboit my own personal feelings she does go above and beyond during that period to help. But we clash too much over small things these days regardless of all this. I cant handle the intense pressure of doing everything constantly whilst she can't handle my moaning at her that nothing ever gets done. But from my perspective im in a postion where anyone would be frustrated not just me. My days consist of work 6-3 then full on running around with my kids til they're knackered for bed. Bare in mind I don't drive so have to pedal 30 mins to work and back every day and it's tiring. Sorry for the repeat rant here but honestly unless you have to do it you kinda don't realise how tiring it is doing that everyday whilst being up half the night still with the 2 year old as he's always been such a terrible sleeper.
Not going to lie I have kinda lost my point here. I'm just frustrated with life and unfortunately have constant negative thoughts about you know what. Thinking about the easy way out etc. But my kids are my life now and I couldn't bare thinking of them struggling without me so it's a non-starter but it's always a thought regardless. One more thing is we are badly in debt. Both of our faults. She has always been terrible with spending and had money and debt problems from the day we met stemming from years earlier with council tax etc. She always refuses to talk money and it always gets ugly when I suggest the idea of a conversation about it as I absolutely HATE debt. We both earn well but the house we bought required literally a complete renovation from wiring and boilers to plastering and flooring kitchen bathroom renewal etc. The whack basically. So from moving in day we acquired debt but nothing we couldn't afford. Child 1 comes and we have been overspending and now into overdrafts etc at this point being too careless basically. Next thing you know we are still doing OK but gas and electric bikes came in. We got stung for £200 a month more god knows how. Then inflation at an apparent 9% (more like 50%) ate into our spare income even more. But my partner doesn't consider this and continues to spend as if we are well-off and refuses to engage in conversation. She does this by overspending on all occasions and due to big family and friend groups on both sides this is a regular thing. Overdrafts loans and credit cards and now maxed out 4 years after moving in. What was 20k debt on moving day has become 50k 4 years later. Cost of living higher than ever and 2 kids that were never a factor money wise earlier in our relationship. Probably a negative £500 per month between us at the moment and the shifts getting very close to the fan now. At our limits money wise and stress wise I'm at a loss. Oh shit I nearly forgot the most ridiculous part yet. Her debt has increased a lot yes. Probably 20k. Although I somehow only had the shared debt initially for the housework. I did always help pay her debts too but that's a side note really. My own 20k debt came from a gambling addiction I developed after my friends death. I never thought I'd be that guy and my worst sin to date is hiding it from everyone. I went off the rails for about 3 month and because I was off work too it made it easy to gamble all day on the side going out for a cigarette or extra toilet trips etc any small excuse for 5 minutes to gamble. I ended up with 3 loans totalling 20k. I fucked myself well and truly before I managed to put a stop to it. My partner never realised how much I pulled us out the shit in reality and now I'm fucked I can't do it anymore and I'm too scared to tell her. I'm at my lowest in my life and God knows why but I've chosen to spill everything on a random post here. Desperate times desperate measures I guess. Anyway as I type into the nothingness that no one will read I feel a millionth percent better for letting some out. It's a messed up situation where we can lose our house etc and our family could break apart etc I don't know what would happen. But I just need to somehow get through this. I feel like I've only covered about 40 or 50% of this story but it's all I can manage for now. Bordering middle aged random man in need of an outlet. Not the type of person who'd do this but hey ho here it is.

Just today, I was reminded why I am single with no kids at 27 years old, despite always wanting to have a family and seeking healthy and positive long lasting relationships.
I was told that someone I met online about two months ago who I was there for emotionally when he was extremely down about his dead father would help me financially since I’m in an incredibly difficult position right now and could really use the help.
I had a very emotionally and physically abusive childhood and have become extremely independent, jaded and closed off as a result and don’t enjoy nor aim to rely on people as they always tend to let me down, “I’m sorry” me to death, and disappoint me knowing full well how much stress I’m facing. I don’t even like to accept offers for help because I’ve become so pessimistic from the sheer amount of bad experiences I’ve endured, especially at the hands of men.
I spent hours waiting for a money transfer in a Walmart today on my only day off (I stand for 8 hours a day and have Sunday and Thursdays off) just to turn around and head back home with no food nor money because the person - let’s call him Johnny - was taking his sweet time getting to Walmart to do the transfer, all the while being inaccurate about how long things would take and placating me. I know it’s helpful to be patient and fair but I think I’m too nice sometimes and that’s why people take advantage of my friendship/care/etc.
I left my house around 6:30 as he said at 5:30 he was getting picked up in an hour and wanted to hopefully match up with the time he said he’d be there. For hours I walked around filling my cart and then finally sitting for a moment before finding a charger I had to stand up to use just to wait for the last half hour and be fed excuse after excuse along with some shitty apology about how he can’t rush the person driving him.
Last Friday I had a surgery and have been healing very slowly. Mentally I’m not doing very well (I put down weed, alcohol and ❄️all on my own), I’m still mourning the loss of a pregnancy earlier this year and am living on my moms broken couch in her over crowded and dirty apartment. I also have recently had to report my ex for sexual assault and harassment (don’t want to get into this but I’m really not doing okay and am dealing with a BPD trait diagnoses as of two months ago).
I started working a job at a restaurant just to be fired after a month and a half of training with no clear explanation when I asked. I have a new job now but there’s an optician at my workplace that has perpetuated a micro-aggression towards me in Punjabi (I am Jamaican Canadian and speak English and French only) with another customer right in front of me.
After my coworker walked away after rudely interrupting I was informed that she let the customer know that I was only there if he wanted to chat and to speak to anyone else if they want actial information about the job.
I was hired to be a store concierge. To me this was extremely disrespectful and I tried brushing it off but wound up crying on my next shift and not wanting to even be there anymore.
I tried dealing with things there in the moment but was shut down and now am anxiously awaiting an awkward and confrontational conversation with my boss tomorrow.
I feel like I personally have a strong boundary issue and would like to know how to avoid feeling used, embarrassed and humiliated by people that take advantage of my kindness. Please help.

My first day of high school, I shared a class with this girl, let's call her Sam. I fell for Sam in an instant. I literally dumped my girlfriend at the time just 'cause I felt wrong about feeling this way towards someone else. I was this sort of awkward, chubby kid with a bad haircut and she definitely wasn't feeling the same way, but we became really good friends. I stopped really giving a shit about wanting to date her and all that 'cause she was one of those people that jumped from relationship to relationship so she was always taken anyways and that's not the kind of thing I ever wanted to intervene with. Besides, she was fucking hilarious and a really compassionate person to confide in and I felt silly to want to trivialize that with a romantic relationship that could end it all.
Fast forward to junior year, I got near bone skinny, I got rid of my ridiculous haircut, and gained a little confidence. Unbeknownst to me, that was enough to change Sam's attraction to me. She complimented me and stuff like that, but she was dating my best friend "Dante", a friend I've known since I was two years old, so I took them as compliments and nothing more. Then she started to get weird with me. I remember the first incidence very vividly: I was at a play rehearsal with one of Sam's friends, and Sam was there as her friend's ride home. My character didn't have any lines for the second act, so Sam and I hung out in the meantime. She just randomly, out of nowhere, goes, "I'm not wearing shorts under my skirt." I really should've picked up the hint there but honestly I was more perplexed about this shorts situation. I'd never really considered that girls wear more than underwear down there so I was too confused to be horny. So my reaction was, "oh, okay then."
One day I'm hanging out with a friend, let's call him Dude, and Sam and her friend "Carly" comes over. Carly had somehow gotten ahold of a bottle of vodka and Dude and I had some weed so we made a little event out of it at Dude's dad's empty house. Apparently, Dante and Sam had broken up that day. We got a little sauced and Sam started hugging me, but wouldn't stop. I pulled away, but she'd pull me back. Carly and Dude were both like, "nooooo this isn't a good idea," but I was entranced. I froze. I definitely was *not* over my feelings for her, and for the first time in my life, I've felt intimate with a girl. Right before I passed out, Sam asked me, "are you DTF?" "Yes." (kinda cringe but 'DTF' was kind of new then and that's what she said verbatim)
They got back together the next day. I just chalked it up to her being crossfaded and moved on, but there'd be more. A couple weeks go by, Dude's throwing a party at his mom's empty house and there's a ton of people there, including Dante. There was a whole tray of pot brownies and liquor everywhere. At some point in the night, someone had the idea to play hide and go seek, and Dante was the seeker. I hung out with Dude a lot and I knew a little secret room where he kept his weed and I knew nobody would look there, so that's where I headed. Well, guess who followed me in there. I saw her following me and I said no multiple times but she did it anyway. As much as I clearly still liked her, I felt that wasn't the best idea given recent events.
The room was pitch black. I told her again we shouldn't be doing this but she said something to the effect of "just relax, I just want a hug." I knew damn well what that meant, but I gave in. We hugged for a really long time and at some point, at the same time, we both pulled back and paused. Her lips found mine and she started jerking me over my pants really hard, it kinda hurt tbh but I was so surprised at her touching me like that, and actually kissing her felt insane. All of a sudden I hear Dante screaming, "SAM! SAM! SAAAM!" with a lot of pain in his voice. Clearly we were the only ones he hadn't found and he knew something was up. I wanted to get the fuck out of there as soon as possible. I was begging her to get off me as Dante's practically crying out there, but she's physically pulling me back in. I finally break out and I tell her to wait so it looks like we're coming from different places and she follows right behind anyway. She wanted to be caught. After all that Dante pulls me aside and asks me to sit down, and I do. "Did Sam kiss you?" I immediately folded and started crying. I started begging him to punch me in the face but he was very calm and thanked me for being honest. I got the fuck out of there immediately after.
I wish the story ended there so I could say, "yeah, she basically attacked me into being intimate with her, wasn't my fault, water under the bridge." But she persisted. She started holding my hand secretly in choir, sending me nudes, and eventually had me over where she gave me head as we watched Netflix, and I participated in all that willingly. She faked me out twice saying she wanted sex but we never did. We met up for sex and she said noo nooo noo so we didn't, then she texted me, "Why didn't we fuck?" "'Cause you said no?" "Next time fuck me no matter how many times I say to stop." Oooooookay. Despite all the red flags she had me hooked. She was a huge tease and knew how to push my buttons. It was exhilarating and hot and I never wanted it to stop, and now, ten years later, it's one of the only things that turns me on. I've never cheated or been with another cheater, but every time I watch porn its 'cheating this' or 'cheating that.' I even need to pretend I'm with a cheater during sex sometimes. I've been trying to get over this for a decade and I've made no progress.
I left town the next year and that was the end of that. I would return a year later to go to college when we cross paths again. She's single now, and I have my own apartment so no more need for sneaking around. She asks if she can come over and smoke some weed and I welcome her over. Like I mentioned earlier, she always blue balled me for sex so I was really excited to finally get closure. She comes over and we smoke while watching a show when she suddenly pounces on me. We're making out and pulling each others' clothes off and things get really hot and heavy and I invite her to the bedroom.
I try to be sexy and pick her up and throw her on the bed and ended up crushing my fragile, antique bed frame. This adds nothing to the story, I just think it's hilarious. Anyway, we get goin on my now crooked bed and I start fingering her, and she says stop. I pause, nervous, and say, "Okay so you told me to ignore you if you say stop, is that what you want here?" She doesn't say anything. "Okay, just, let me know I guess" and I slowly start to hover my hand back down in that direction. This time she screams, "Stop!" and I completely pull back. At this point I don't give a shit if she wants this or not, I don't want to be a part of this, so I invite her back to the living room to just hang out now. We're both feeling pretty awkward and she makes up an excuse to leave.
About thirty minutes later, I get a knock on my door. It's Carly. "Is your brother home," she asks. "No?" In my head I'm like oh cool, they came over to hang out, I'm down. The second she learns that I'm alone she rushes me and starts beating the shit out of me. She said nothing and everything. I should've known. Sam had sex with one of her exes at the same time she was cheating with me, and she accused him of rape presumably out of feeling guilty for cheating but wanting to look like the victim, which, I know, I should've seen this coming. And now I'm blocking punches until she finally tires herself out and leaves.
This put me in a huge panic. I feel like my life is ending. From that moment, I was terrified of women. I didn't talk to a single woman for three years. And the relationships I got after that were horribly toxic and painful. I was diagnosed with PTSD and have gone through years of therapy to find my peace.
Years later, I'm at a bar with friends and I see her. A rush of anxiety and adrenaline hit me like a truck. My friend sees my troubled face and tells me not to confront her. I decide to take his advice and go home but I can't get it off my mind. I message her and we start chatting. We talked for maybe three or four hours about everything as she gaslights me about it being some misunderstanding and that she would never accuse me of such things and all that and I believed it all out of desperation.
A few months pass and there's a "MeToo" sort of trend going around on Twitter in my hometown where you post the dates you were assaulted. She posts the dates she was with the first guy she accused and then me. As someone who's actually been molested as a child and raped as an adult this shit really makes my blood boil. That said, the therapy has worked, I've moved on and I'm in a very happy relationship. Dante and I have talked about it and it clearly bothers me more than it will ever bother him, and I deserve that. He's happily married with a kid now. I hope some day I can get rid of the "cheating" fetish, but I worry that may be a lost cause. They say you develop your music taste when you're about fourteen, maybe it's the same for sexual fantasies. If not, I'd love to hear any feedback you guys may have.
Oh, and one more thing, I had a really cool life event that brought me a lot of attention. All of a sudden Carly wants to be friends. I'm good.
I apologize for writing a whole novel here, but I clearly had a lot to get off my chest and this is the place to do it lol. If you've taken the time to read all this, I appreciate you and have a great day.

I'm in a town that has an incredible, I mean incredible glass pipe, ( for tobacco or weed) collection that I can buy. It is a head shop. But all of the pieces are insane artwork pretty much. You can't just call them everyday use pipes. They are more like art to me that I want to keep wrapped in bubble wrap in a drawer and never smoke out of them. Unless I decide it's time. Anyway, my problem is I live in the south & I'm in the north. Should I just drive home with all the pieces I want to collect? Or should I ship them home through the mail? They will be clean, un used, no resin at all in any pipes and they will all already be wrapped by the head shop guy. If I pack the shipping box with stuff, (btw I need suggestions on the packing materials if we go about it this way) I need some sort of packing nuts & anything to keep all the glass safe. Maybe buy two boxes and pack the first with the unbustable packs of air. Then in the inner box pack all my pipes in there and just seal it up incredibly well.
My issue is my car can only hold so much stuff and I am always buying clothes that fit me and I have a bunch of luggage already. And if I get in an accident I really don't want any of those art pieces to be broken. So what do yall think I should do? Unless I can find one of those Long, wide foam lock boxes that some glass blowers use to keep their pipes in while traveling. What do you think I should do? My home state is one of the stricter states and doesn't allow bongs or pipes to be mailed through. But how will they know? Also reddit always takes away my spaces in paragraphs that I write out. So I'm sorry if it does that again. I'm not able to get it to just let me have neat looking posts. Very sorry. Much love and thanks!