Yesterday, I shared a post asking for feedback on the most complex things when organizing a wedding ceremony. I've put it all together. I'd like to see if it's necessary to create a dedicated app. Can you think of anything else? I need your comments so I don't forget anything 🙏 👇
1) Inviting guests => App to send a grouped mail + postal letter in 1 click via the app
📍Feedback: Not very useful as it's better to do custom for each person 👎
2) Information & Live update push notification => App to send wedding information by e-mail (or phone text).
📍Feedback: Not everyone checks their email so it's a bit useless 👎
3) Photo & Video sharing => App to allow guests to send their photos & videos taken during the wedding.
📍Feedback: Interesting idea, but it shouldn't be mandatory but rather a bonus.
4) Collaborator management => App to manage the various people you'll be working with during the wedding, such as the caterer, musicians and venue owners...
📍Feedback: I hadn't imagined the problem but it's interesting
Any other ideas for complex things to manage during a wedding? Thanks!

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/DdJxUSevYf0
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Hello!
I have found some lastig pen pals on this subreddit before and would like to add one or two more correspondences. There’s just something about finding letters in your letterbox that are not bills.
I’m a 33 year old man, living in beautiful Ghent in Belgium and I’m a classics teacher. My interests are many, but I mostly like conversing about literature, art, history and the like. I’d love to talk about what we’re currently reading, giving recommendations etcetera. I’m - of course - also excited to learn about your passions and interests!
Your age and gender do not matter to me, but I would ask that only adults respond to this message 😉
Do you think we would get along? Looking for a friend from abroad? Please respond or - better yet - shoot me a message. I’d love to get to know you.
Have a nice day!

Hello all, I was hoping I could get some insights on some of my concerns. I graduated dental school in Canada last year and am currently finishing up an AEGD residency in the states. I had a late pique of interest in prosthodontics and thinking about applying for the next cycle. I think I will be able to get 3 good reference letters from a general dentist, prosthodontist, and an oral surgeon that I worked very closely with during the AEGD. However, I realize most of the residencies gets you a masters degree and requires you to do a research project. My biggest concern is that I don't have alot of research experience and I am wondering what my chances are for matching into the specialty even without research experience. I would really appreciate it if I could get any help!

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Hello all, I usually never post on reddit, and I was hoping I could get some insights on some of my concerns. I graduated dental school in Canada last year and am currently finishing up an AEGD residency in the states. I had a late pique of interest in prosthodontics and thinking about applying for the next cycle. I think I will be able to get 3 good reference letters from a general dentist, prosthodontist, and an oral surgeon that I worked very closely with during the AEGD. However, I realize most of the residencies gets you a masters degree and requires you to do a research project. My biggest concern is that I don't have alot of research experience and I am wondering what my chances are for matching into the specialty even without research experience. I would really appreciate it if I could get any help!

I saw both the Lucas and Flint headcanon threads, so I'm doing one for Jeff Andonuts (and Tony)!
This will mostly be based on Earthbound, but I'll also mention some based on late-game or even as far as Mother 3, but I could only tag for one series. I'll try my best to block out what *would* be a spoiler, but let me know if I missed something. It's a long post, sorry.
Jeff Andonuts (beginning + middle of the game):

• Despite his name, he really likes cookies more (he TOOK Tony's birthday cookies)
• Jeff doesn't mind the cold of Winters.
• Jeff likes working alone, but he doesn't like to *BE* alone
• Jeff *did* call his father "dad" at one point, before he was left at the boarding school
  • He met Tony on said day
• Jeff isn't a robot, and he's not a clone either
• Not only is Jeff near-sighted, but he may be getting far-sighted as well - in other words his vision isn't great at all
• Jeff tolerates Maxwell Labs.
• He wasn't religious or spiritual at all initially, but after Giygas, he believes in some sort of higher power - not necessarily a specific religion, but definitely felt that *someone* or *something* saved them.
• He knows some Dalaam-ese, but isn't a fluent speaker.
• He did have some sort of "feud" with Poo regarding science vs belief, but then they become close friends
• Ness thought that Paula would be more interested in Jeff, as he's smart and somewhat of a gentleman
  • He took "finishing" classes at Snow Wood
• He doesn't understand why Ness and Paula stare when he mentions getting swatted at school
  • He got swatted often
• Jeff is confused with American Eagleland dialect. The same goes for Ness and Paula and Jeff's dialect from Winters. (ie. ground floor vs first floor, chips vs crisps, herbs vs **h**erbs)

Jeff Andonuts (endgame + post-game) - more spoilers here

• Dr. Andonuts took longer to put Jeff's consciousness into the robot body than the rest of the 3.
• >! Jeff repairs his relationship with his father, but it takes longer than he realizes!<
  • Until he is taken by Porky, which leads to his appearance in Mother 3.
  • Jeff falls into a deep sadness for a while because of this, but gets encouraged by Tony and uses an improved Phase Distorter to find him again.
• Jeff DOES fix Ness and Paula's appliances (including a toaster) after they get married
• Jeff accepts that not only does Tony like him, but the realization that he likes him back!They get serious about dating when they're older, and eventually marry as well!
  • Dr. Andonuts is indifferent to their relationship, and nearly forgets when the wedding is because he's a bit absent-minded when it comes to social functions

Tony (beginning + middle of the game)

• Tony has asthma, so he carries a rescue inhaler with him
• Tony is of Italian (whatever the equivalent is in Earthbound) heritage - he knows some words and talks with his hands but not as advanced as a native speaker
• Tony plays soccer (football) in the school's team
• Tony realized that he was gay fairly young, but he's not very open for his safety. Even Jeff doesn't know.
• Tony is more of the "sensitive" one of the two friends. Also more of a romantic, and more artistic than Jeff. He's good in school too, but not Jeff-level.
• Tony is popular in school - he was getting birthday gifts! The other kids don't understand why he'd be close friends with someone as reclusive and aloof as Jeff
• Tony likes Maxwell Labs, except when he's doing a prank
• Tony>! stood at the gates when Jeff jumped over and left, and stood long enough to get some frostbite!<
• When>! Tony calls you, he *wants* to tell Jeff that he loves him, but is terrified to do so!<
  • Even when he sees him again at Stonehenge Base.
• While Jeff is away, Tony prays every night. He is a practicing Catholic, so he uses a rosary.

Tony (endgame + postgame)

• When Paula>! is praying for help, Tony is not able to "hear" her, but he only can get a "feeling", since he doesn't have PSI!<
• When Jeff returns to Snow Wood, Tony admits to him that he is gay, and that he did like Jeff this whole time! He's scared, but Jeff accepts him, and also his feelings for him.
  • Dr. Andonuts thought for about a minute when Jeff brings Tony over to meet him, but he doesn't say anything negative about it - he only asked him to get a wrench for him. Jeff tells Tony that this is actually a positive response
  • Tony's family, on the other hand, accept Jeff - either immediately or eventually. Jeff doesn't know what to do regarding their family customs when he's invited over
• Jeff and Tony get married when they're older!

Bonus: Maxwell Labs

• Maxwell is known as the "cool teacher"
• Maxwell teaches science classes
• Maxwell get irritated by Jeff's behavior sometimes (basically when Jeff gets bored and starts building a bottle rocket or something)
• Maxwell is also a DM for the school's Dungeons and Dragons club, which both Jeff and Tony are members of
  • He laughs at the players' pain as he explains that the roll failed
• Maxwell comforts Tony when Jeff leaves, and encourages him to try calling or writing to him.
  • Tony wrote more in a journal than actually sending the letters
• He attends Jeff's and Tony's wedding. He bawls

This is what I'm able to remember for now, since ideas come and go. I would like to hear other people's theories, and if you want to comment on mine, go for it!

Along with boardgames, i enjoy collecting dice. Came across this interesting d12 at a thrift store and still haven't figured out where it's from. (Only found one result on google but no leads what game it's from...)
It's a red 12 sided die. The sides say VERB - FENX - MARZ - YODS - GOAL - PURC - LINQ - JENT - HUSA - WILT - SKID - MADE IN TAIWAN. I'm assuming it's from a boardgame involving spelling since all 26 letters of the alphabet are present on here.
Has anyone seen dice like this before?

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/DdJxUSevYf0
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I was diagnosed as an adult with ADHD. I know that sometimes people who have ADHD are misdiagnosed as having Dyslexia, but I also know that they're very comorbid. I have some Dyslexic traits and my friends think I have mild Dyslexia, but I'm not sure if they're just byproducts of my attention issues.
Arguments FOR me having Dyslexia are
1- I subvocalize and cannot read well when there's verbal noise
2- I'm not a great speller, though I don't think I'm atrocious.
3- More importantly than generic spelling, I'm have big holes when it comes to phonetics. So like I will spell Rogue 'Rouge' 100% of the time bc I feel like the word should end with the g, and the u coming after feels wrong. If a word has a letter that could be a or e, I get it wrong (consistently vs consistantly, both sound right in my head so idk which one is wrong). I also often WILDLY misread Proper Nouns, I thought the name 'Lalonde' was 'Lanode' for years.
4- Bad at remembering names
5- Not great at left and right. As a kid both hands looked like L's. As an adult I can get it right about 70% of the time instantly, and 30% of the time need 2 seconds to remind myself which side of my body is my left.
Arguments against me having Dyslexia are
1- I didn't have any problems learning to read as a kid (again wasn't a great speller but wasn't in the bottom percentile or anything)
2- I was a voracious reader as a kid, though that fell off when I started having my own phone
3- I have a good vocabulary and I don't think I'm particularly bad at remembering words in the moment. Sometimes my mind will blank on things but it's more often street names or something like that than forgetting the word for fork.
4- I wasn't good at grammar as a kid, but I'm very interested in linguistics now and find it very interesting. I feel like I'm comprehending it all very well, and I'm currently learning a new language and while I have some weak spots, I don't think I'm struggling particularly hard.
I feel like all my Dyslexia symptoms *could* be a product of ADHD and having trouble with attention. That being said, I'm not afraid of the label or anything. So if there's a resounding 'yes this is Dyslexia it doesn't matter what the Root of the issue is' I'll gladly make use of it!

Hello Homeowners! As the weather is warming up, I wanted to send out some friendly reminders to the community:

1. The HOA dues are considered late if received after 15 days from the 1st of the month.
   
2. The 2024 meeting schedule has been set! Please mark your calendars with the following dates so you can participate in the meetings and find out what is going on in your community. All meetings have been posted to the HOA’s website. All meetings are open to the public and homeowners are encouraged to attend.
   
3. Trash day for the association is on Tuesday. Trash service is included in your HOA dues, and the volume based rates apply, so please reach out to your account manager if you would like a different size cart. Asking for a smaller bin if you don't use all of the space you currently have may save the association money. Cart sizes available are 35, 65, and 95 gallons.
   

• Please note that no garbage or trash cans or receptacles shall be maintained in an exposed or unsightly manner (except that a container for such materials may be placed outside at such times as may be necessary to permit garbage or trash pickup.) The HOA's governing documents state that trash may be placed on the street for pickup after 5:00 a.m. on the day that such trash is to be picked up. Trash containers must be properly stored the evening of pickup. Some holidays may delay trash pick-up, please see the schedule enclosed on the last page for details on holiday delays.

1. When parking in driveways, please ensure the vehicle is parked all the way forward and not protruding over the sidewalk for pedestrian safety. Cars may not be parked in the street for longer than 48 hours per city guidelines.
   
2. Pet owners, please ensure you are cleaning up after your pet in the community, including in your fenced yard. Dog feces carry disease that is harmful to humans and other pets so it is important to keep up with this regularly. Dog waste left not picked up can also lead to disturbing odors. Additionally, all pets must be on a leash when in the common areas of the community.
   
3. Any exterior modifications to your lot require board approval. Please ensure you complete the attached ARC request form and submit it through your portal along with any photos, plans, drawings, etc of your project, before you begin a project.
   
4. With warmer weather upon us, most homeowners like to entertain guests and be outdoors more. Please ensure you are being respectful neighbors and keeping noise levels low as not to disturb those around you.
   
5. All lots in the HOA are to be kept in a clean and attractive condition. Please do not dispose of any food or compost items in the common areas as they may attract unwanted pests. Please ensure turf areas are mowed regularly, weeds are mitigated, overgrown shrubs/trees are pruned, ground cover (such as rock and mulch) are in place and tidy, and house repairs and paint are in good shape. Bags, coolers, toys, sports equipment, and other miscellaneous items should not be left outside and visible from the street when not in use.
   
6. Basketball hoops: The HOA's governing documents state that no basketball backboards shall be attached to the garage. Only portable backboards shall be allowed and do not require approval if the following guidelines are met: 1) portable units cannot be placed in the public right of ways, streets, or sidewalks; 2) location must be at least half of the length of the driveway away from the street. This location constitutes proper placement and the unit must be kept in this location. Basketball hoops must be stored out of sight when not in use.
   

For those who have received violations prior to the beginning of May, those are considered to be courtesy notices, and moving forward courtesy notices will be in the form of an email rather than an emailed letter attachment. Warning letters will come after courtesy emails, and then the first and second violation notice will follow given that the violation has not been corrected. We are currently working together with the landscaper on maintaining the common areas.

1. The HOA has a vacant position on the board. If anyone is interested in serving on the board, please let us know by May 24, 2024. The board would like to appoint someone who may be interested in the treasurer position. The term runs until the annual meeting this year, December 4, 2024.

End of letter, effectively.
Everyone knows that property values plummet when basketball hoops are left out overnight, it’s just a fact don’t ask any questions about it.
Fuck HOAs. Anyone who wants this shit is not someone I want to be friends with.

Hi all!
I'm graduating in June with BA in Biochemistry and I'm planning to work in a research lab for 1-2 years. I'm currently an undergrad assistant in a school lab for about a year now, and I applied to our junior specialist position. My lab manager just told me that they would offer me the position if I'm certain I can commit. I was looking for other labs and opportunities and applied to a few but haven't heard back yet, and I'm not sure if I can get any offer.
I'm really torn on this because I'm doing fine in my current lab and I don't want to just pass on this offer, but I also want to try and explore new research and see what I'm truly interested in. I feel like I'm always a bit lost on this since I haven't found a focus I'm truly passionate and really want to do research on, and I know that figuring this out is very important, so I'd really like more opportunities for me to explore that.
Another thing is that I'm planning on applying for bio PhD programs next year, and I've seen people saying they are highly competitive. I think from what I've read online, my GPA isn't going to give me much advantage, so I really want to get good rec letters and do my best to build a strong personal statement to compensate. I worked in another lab before the current one, so I'm wondering if I should try to get three different lab experience and PIs as my rec letter writers, and would that be beneficial for me? I know for sure some of the programs directly specify that they want at least two rec letters from PIs.
Right now I just can't decide if I should stay in my current or wait and look for new opportunities? I'm a bit scared that if I refuse my current lab's offer and I couldn't get another one or couldn't get into a good lab afterwards would hinder everything. Any advice is appreciated!
Thank you!

Not really sure how to go about deciding on what schools to app to. I feel like my research interests are super broad, basically sums up to molecular biology and neuroscience. I have definite interests but some of them are completely different from others. I could be more specific if it helps but I find it easy to get excited about a lot of things and my clinical interest is neurology which pretty much needs basic science everywhere.
My inclination is to just apply really broadly so i can have the best chances, and make more definite plans once i hear back about secondaries. Is that a reasonable plan? Given most places with an MSTP will have faculty doing molecular neuroscience.
I’d like some help in trying to decide if I just shotgun a ton of primaries or try to make a shorter list of schools I know have PI’s I’m super interested in. Just feel like that may be closing doors on stuff i dont know i’d like to do.
I also dont have a great sense for what schools i should consider reaches, midlevel and safety. I’m not too attached to location but have a mild preference for the coasts.
Would love any thoughts from yall on these questions and my app in general bc im coming up with reasons to psych myself out tbh.
Stats 521 mcat
3.76 gpa (3.7 sgpa)
1000+hrs undergrad research 1 authorship
6000+hrs postgrad research, working as a tech with the responsibilities of a grad student more or less. Totally independent work. Have 1 low authorship and have 2-3 first author pubs in the works.
2 very strong letters from the two labs ive worked in, (undergad and post grad) and a good letter from a shadowing doctor. Might throw in a dinky little letter i got shadowing a doctor back im high school but idk if its worth it?
100 hrs shadowing
Maybe 100+hrs volunteering i have to think about it
Did an emt course and a bunch of observing and ride along stuff but couldnt complete due to personal tragedy and moving meant I’d have to start from scratch im a new state it was kinda just a mess i may leave that out. Part of what got me interested in medicine though so idk how it looks

(Mods, please feel free to take this down if you don't think this merits its own post -- but I thought there might be more Pubtippers interested than just those who'd see the comment thread in the small press post.)
Just wanted to share for those who aren't active on social media that Berkley (an imprint of Penguin Random House) has opened a submission window for unagented manuscripts. Big 5 imprints opening to unagented submissions is a fairly rare opportunity, from what I understand.
Some details:

• Submission window is open now through May 17, 5PM ET
• You can only submit one manuscript
• Open to US and international
• Must be novel-length but <150k words (incidentally, one more data point reinforcing that there are, in fact, wordcount cutoffs that editors/agents use), adult fiction, not previously published or self-pubbed, and did not use AI in the creation of the manuscript
• Genres accepted are romance, women’s contemporary fiction, women’s historical fiction, New Adult, mystery, suspense and thrillers, horror, science fiction, fantasy and romantasy
• Submitting requires a 1-page synopsis, first 10 pages, author bio, and standard query letter
• If they make you an offer, you can still seek an agent to represent you before negotiations

My take: doesn't seem like there's much/any downside to submitting if you have a manuscript ready? I imagine it probably wouldn't be difficult to find an agent if you can go to them with an offer from Berkley in hand. And even if the odds are long, they have acquired books via open submission before (including our own u/Bryn_Donovan_Author, apparently!)
Good luck to those who decide to submit!

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRA999333
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest
I(29F) made my step-father(50M) an outsider at my wedding that he paid for. I need to make it up to him but I dont know how.
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Trigger Warnings: child abandonment, emotional manipulation, possible exploitation
Original Post: May 6, 2024
I ruined the memory of the best day of my life because I was too blind to see what I was doing was hurting one of the most important people in my life. I got married 2 months ago to the love of my life, and he finally opened my eyes to what I did. He showed me the perspective I didnt understand.
When I was 5 my father left us. Just disappeared without trace. He and my mom were already separated by that point, but he was still living with us. 3 years later my mom started dating Rob. He was quite a bit younger than she was, I belive she was 34 and he was 26. Today he is very wealthy (he wasnt when he met my mom) and he treats my mother like a queen. Whenever she is around him she looks like the happiest person in the world. My younger sister looks a lot like me and mom, but her personality is for sure a reflexion of her dad, always telling jokes and being just a nice person all around while me and my mom are more serious and cold.
As I got older, Rob became more present in my life he got married to my mom and she got pregnant. But it was still pretty weird seeing him as a father figure mostly because people would asume he was my brother all the time. When I was in HS, I was dating this boy, and he broke up with me at my friends house. My mom was on a night shift and I had to ask Rob to pick me up. When he did, he conforted me, took me to get ice cream, and when we got home he told me something like this (without knowing what happened) "whoever made you sad doesnt understand that you are the best girl in the world, and its their loss. Dont beat yourself up because other people are too stupid to see it"
I just said to him "I wish you were my dad". He smiled and said that he wished that too, and he could be if I wanted to. We left it at that. I never called him dad. But from that point foward I saw him as a father and I think he knows it.
I finally reconected to my biological father about an year ago. It happened because I got engaged. When I came to my mom's house one day, he was there and I couldnt even recongnise him. He was way thiner than he was when I was a kid. He struggled for years with depression and substance abuse. My mom and Rob actually helped him get clean and they even paid for his stay at a great reabilitation center. They decided together that it was time for me to finally meet him again.
I dont want to explore much on how this was, but all I have to say is that im glad to have him back in my life and im glad for being able to help him heal. He sufered a lot, he got lost. But now he is at least trying.
Rob and my mother payed for everything at my wedding, and everything was amaizing. The church was beautiful, my husband looked amaizing. The one mistake I made: I chose my biological father over Rob. I chose the man that did abandon me for over 20 years over the one the took me as his own and gave me everything he could when he didnt have to. I chose the man that broke my mothers heart over the one that saved her. I dont know why I did what I did. Looking back on it I feel so fucking stupid. My dad didnt deserve to walk me down the aisle. My dad dint deserve to be in all the pictures with my mom and my husbands parents. It should have been Rob.
I dont know, I think I was compensating for the time lost with my dad. Everything was still so fresh with him. I was helping him out, he talked to me everyday, I felt like he deserved to be back in my life.
When we were deciding who would give speeches, we had to cut some because it was just too many and me and my husband didnt really like the idea of hearing speeches for and hour and a half. So we decided for 5 people each. When I gave the list to my husband he even asked "no Rob?" And I said "yeah, my mom is already doing one". The others I chose were 2 of my bridesmaids, my mom, my sister (she really pushed for it) and, again, my dad. My husband said I should reconsider, He even thought of giving up one of his to put Rob in. I said it was fine, he didnt need to do that. My whole thinking when doing this was that Rob has my sister. He will have his moment. This was the only chance my dad had.
But I went too far. I completly cut him out of the party basically. If you look at the photos it doesnt even look like he went. My mom looks like she is faking a smile in half the pictures. I dont have a single picture with him. He only apears in group pictures, and some with my husband.
I only realised all of this when I texted Rob 2 days ago, asking him about a gift im giving my husbands for his birthday. He anwsered. Then asked about my car that is with a mecanic friend of his. He awnsered. Then I asked him something about my insurance. He did not anwser. A little over an hour later my mom called me. She just said "do you have no shame? Do you not understand what you did?" I just listend and she told me not to talk to Rob for now. I was just so fucking confused. I got home and told my husband and he just said that he knows what she is referencing but he will talk to her first.
Later, he showed me the wedding photos, he went step by step on everything I have listed here. He talked calmly, and broke it down for me. By the end I was crying so much that I had a headache. What an inconsiderate idiot I am. He told me that he and my mom didnt tell me anything before the party because Rob asked them not to. He understood that it was important for me for my father to be a big part of this day and when they protested he said that they should not make me worry about these small things.
I dont know what changed from before the party to now. My mom only tells me that he needs a bit of time and that he will talk to me soon. My husband keeps telling me that I made a mistake but Rob will be understanding and will forgive me. And I know that he will. He 100% has already forgiven me. He probably felt something when I was texting him that day that broke him down. I dont know what I said to trigger him at that moment, but also it doesnt really matter. I did the real damage at the party probably since he apeared to be fine with everything else before it (It was not fine by any means)
I have to make it up to him. I dont know how but I just do. I guess im just writing this here because im a little lost. Im too ashamed to talk about it with anyone else I know apart from my mom and husband. She doesnt tell me anything and my husband keeps insiting that everything will be fine and for me not to worry too much about it. And he is probably right but I feel like me not worrying about this is just being incosiderate to Rob again. I have to worry. I just dont know what to do.
Im now at work, and the only thing I can think about is this. Nothing else matters to me right now.
If someone has any kind of idea of how I can make it up to him I would greatly appreciate it.
Edit: Literally 40 minutes after I uploaded this, my mom texted me saying that Rob wants to speak to me tonight.
Relevant Comments
OOP on the situation of her insurance and Rob

OOP: Actually, Rob does not pay for my insurance. He only helped me set it up. And this is not about money at all, I make more than enough money and my husband is also very well off. Rob and my mom paid for the wedding because they wanted to. They told me it would be their gift for me and they gave me the money to use it on the wedding. My husbands family gave us a sum to help pay for our new house.
But your comment made me realise that this might be the problem, he might think im using him for money. That just breaks my heart. I do not want his money. I would happly take myself out of the my mom's will and his (if he has me in it, which he probably does), if it means I can fix this.
Also, he was not rich at all when he met my mom. He became successful after their marriage. Just to clarify.

OOP on why she didn’t plan the wedding photos ahead of time

OOP: My plan was that I wanted spontanious pictures and the photographer had to be changed last minute. In my head it worked out fine, what I wanted was to have the "important" pictures taken early, bridesmades, groomsman and family and later on have just spontanious pictures.
It was something I was too stuck on, this notion of "wasting time" doing pictures, speaches, etc.
But that was such dumb thinking. Thats what wedding are for.
At the end of the day though, everything went great apart from this disastrous oversight of mine.

Top Comments
RevolutionaryHat8988: I want to hug Rob. We all need a Rob in our lives.
Deleted Commenter: You’re almost 30 and needed all of this pointed out to you?
You made multiple conscious choices to exclude Rob from your wedding and only cared after you brought up an issue with your insurance: another thing he helped to pay for.
At your age you should know that choices have consequences.
I’m not sure there is anything you can do to make up for the choices you made.
 
Update May 9, 2024
First, I want to say some things before posting:

1. No, I am not Linda, my biological father isnt dying. Got a DM in here asking.
   
2. My sister is mostly just sad, not really mad at me. Just said she understood my situation but it still was really shitty seeing her father taken for granted and sad.
   
3. My mother is the person most pissed off at me at the moment. She is the only one that still does not talk to me. I mean she does, but not really.
   
4. For the people saying my husband and mother were idiots for not talking to me before: they agree and have told me this. My husband specially. Im not trying to shift blame here, just saying this for the people that talked about it
   

I was not going to post anything else on here. Not a fan of being called names and for people to keep saying that Rob should leave our family. Although Im well aware that I deserve most of everything that was said about me. The coments saying "the apple doesnt fall far from the tree" in regaards to me and my biological father were the ones that hurt the most as it is a fear of mine and the reason I dont drink much and dont use any drugs or anything that could be addictive. But seing how there are other things that could make us more similar than I realised is really frightening.
The day I posted here, my mom told me Rob wanted to speak to me and to go to their home after work. I went and waited for Rob to arrive. When he did my mom left us alone and he started off by saying that he was hurt by what I did at the wedding, that he knows he is not my father and that he would never try to force that on me, but that he at least thought he had some sort of importance in my life and seeing me just not give him any importance apart from talking to him when I need help with something made him realise that I do not view him the he thought I did.
At this point I was already crying so much that I couldnt even talk. I waited for him to finish and when he did I just told basically what you all saw in the post. That I fucked up bad, that I was incosiderate, that he is one of the most importante people in my life and that what I did was unforgivable.
The only reason I am posting it here is because of something during the conversation. He said something about my time at college and I went "but that was because..." and stoped. He asked me "what? because of what" I just said "nothing, you are right, that was my fault and I should have done better".
He was pretty angry at that point and he started to smile and we talked about me taking responsibility for my actions. Its something I am terrible at, it was an issue at my old job and since then I have been trying to be better at it but not very successfuly. He asked what changed and I told him about the post. Multiple people in the comments said that I dont take responsibility and yes, they read right through me. I showed it to him and reading the post calmed him down.
And no, he did not read the comments, just the ones I showed it to him, I would not let him see what some of you were saying about my mom.
So yes, he told me if I was going to say something else to thank you people for calling me out for not taking responsibility.
We talked about a lot of other things not related to the wedding. At the end I just told him that there were 2 things I wanted to say for him to take away from this conversation: I really did mean it when I was in HS and said that I wished he was my dad. Even now, with my biological dad in my life. I still feel that way. And the second thing is that I know that it will be hard for him to belive it right now because of what happened, but I will try to prove it to him for as long as it takes.
For those interested, I`ve been going to a therapist with my biological father once every 2 weeks since he came back, but I think I need one for myself so I will try to make it happen soon.
I want to thank 3 particular commenters that helped me.

1. The person that told me to take it slow with Rob and dmed me to stop looking at the thread cause I was spiraling.
   
2. The one that said: "People fuck up. Sometimes badly. But in a loving and caring family it's never the end of things as long as you are willing to own your mistakes."
   
3. And most importantly the best comment that was fair and gave me the right advice: "You are a spoilt, selfish, childish person. I don’t know that rob will forgive you but you can’t simply wait to see if he does. Write him a letter in which you fully own up to your awful behaviour. Do not say “I wish someone had stopped me” - that isn’t taking accountability for the way you treat people. With him and your mom paying for your wedding and your in laws paying for your house - you need to grow up and reflect very seriously on how you interact with everyone around you."
   

I guess the post served as the letter in the scenario, thank you, that was the slap in the face I needed to realise that I need to do a lot of work to improve myself and that the wedding was not its own thing, it was a reflection of who I am right now and I dont like what I see when I look in the mirror. Also, Rob more or less told me something similar, just not as a agressive, so this comment made me take his words as not him atacking me, but trying to help me understand my flaws.
Im not sure how I will make up for this. Rob is telling me that over time, just me being how I was before my biological father showed up will be enough for him. I dont doubt him but its not enough for me. I will live with what I did for the rest of my life. I will always remember.
The way I am now I actually need people to call me out for this kinds of things and its not fair to them. I will work on it, I have to. I will try my hardest to not ever hurt anyone I love this way again. Thankfully now I have someone in my husband to help me do that and call me out if needed. Thank you.
 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/DdJxUSevYf0
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heya!! my name is gennie, im 17 and from coastal australian suburb! i used to have a few penpals a few years back but took a small break and am now looking for some new ones! i would love to have a penpal from somewhere different to australia as i would like to collect postcards from all around the world eventually!
about me - im a working teenager who loves to explore and just walk about town finding new areas to enjoy. i love anything artsy but i mainly practice painting, sketching and photography! i love collecting cds and oddities (mainly bones or anything rabbit related as they are my favourite animal!). my main hobbies and lots and lots of baking and thrifting! in my free time i’m usually creating outfits to wear in the future haha. my favourite colours are like a burgundy red and pastel/buttery yellow! i really enjoy decorating and making unique letters and getting to know new people!
thanks a bunch for reading ^{^} if you’re interested pm me!!

III. Changing Modes of Making It: From Horatio Alger to the Happy Hooker
…
From “Self-Culture” to Self-Promotion through “Winning Images”
In the nineteenth century, the ideal of self-improvement degenerated into a cult of compulsive industry. P.T. Barnum, who made a fortune in a calling the very nature of which the Puritans would have condemned (“Every calling, whereby God will be Dishonored; every Calling whereby none but the Lusts of men are Nourished: …every such Calling is to be Rejected”), delivered many times a lecture frankly entitled “The Art of Money-Getting,” which epitomized the nineteenth-century conception of worldly success. Barnum quoted freely from Franklin but without Franklin’s concern for the attainment of wisdom or the promotion of useful knowledge. “Information” interested Barnum merely as a means of mastering the market. Thus he condemned the “false economy” of the farm wife who douses her candle at dusk rather than lighting another for reading, not realizing that the “information” gained through reading is worth far more than the price of the candles. “Always take a trustworthy newspaper,” Barnum advised young men on the make, “and thus keep thoroughly posted in regard to the transactions of the world. He who is without a newspaper is cut off from his species.”
Barnum valued the good opinion of others not as a sign of one’s usefulness but as a means of getting credit. “Uncompromising integrity of character is invaluable.” The nineteenth century attempted to express all values in monetary terms. Everything had its price. Charity was a moral duty because “the liberal man will command patronage, which the sordid, uncharitable miser will be avoided.” The sin of pride was not that it offended God but that it led to extravagant expenditures. “A spirit of pride and vanity, when permitted to have full sway, is the undying cankerworm which gnaws the very vitals of a man’s worldly possessions.”
The eighteenth century made a virtue of temperance but did not condemn moderate indulgence in the service of sociability. “Rational conversation,” on the contrary, appeared to Franklin and his contemporaries to represent an important value in its own right. The nineteenth century condemned sociability itself, on the grounds that it might interfere with business. “How many good opportunities have passed, never to return, while a man was sipping a ‘social glass’ with his friends!” Preachments on self-help now breathed the spirit of compulsive enterprise. Henry Ward Beecher defined “the beau ideal of happiness” as a state of mind in which “a man [is] so busy that he does not know whether he is or is not happy.” Russell Sage remarked that “work has been the chied, and you might say, the only source of pleasure in my life.”
Even at the height of the Gilded Age, however, the Protestant ethic did not completely lose its original meaning. In the success manuals, the McGuffey readers, the Peter Parley Books, and the hortatory writings of the great capitalists themselves, the Protestant virtues - industry, thrift, temperance - still appeared not merely as stepping-stones to success but as their own reward.
The spirit of self-improvement lived on, in debased form, in the cult of “self-culture” - proper care and training of mind and body, nurture of the mind through “great books,” development of “character.” The social contribution of individual accumulation still survived as an undercurrent in the celebration of success, and the social conditions of early industrial capitalism, in which the pursuit of wealth undeniably increased the supply of useful objects, gave some substance to the claim that “accumulated capital means progress.” In condemning speculation and extravagance, in upholding the importance of patient industry, in urging young men to start at the bottom and submit to “the discipline of daily life,” even the most unabashed exponents of self-enrichment clung to the notion that wealth derives its value from its contribution to the general good and to the happiness of future generations.
The nineteenth-century cult of success placed surprisingly little emphasis on competition. It measured achievement not against the achievements of others but against an abstract ideal of discipline and self-denial. At the turn of the century, however, preachments on success began to stress the will to win. The bureaucratization of the corporate career changed the conditions of self-advancement; ambitious young men now had to compete with their peers for the attention and approval of their superiors. The struggle to surpass the previous generation and to provide for the next gave way to a form of sibling rivalry, in which men of approximately equal abilities jostled against each other in competition for a limited number of places. Advancement now depended on “will-power, self-confidence, energy, and initiative” - the qualities celebrated in such exemplary writings as George Lorimer’s Letters from a Self-Made Merchant to His Son. ” By the end of the nineteenth century,” writes John Cawelti in his study of the success myth, “self-help books were dominated by the ethos of sales-manship and boosterism. Personal magnetism, a quality which supposedly enabled a man to influence and dominate others, became one of the major keys to success.” In 1907, both Lorimer’s Saturday Evening Post and Orison Swett Marden’s Success magazine inaugurated departments of instruction in the “art of conversation,” fashion, and “culture.” The management of interpersonal relations came to be seen as the essence of self-advancement. The captain of industry gave way to the confidence man, the master of impressions. Young men were told that they had to sell themselves in order to succeed.
At first, self-testing through competition remained almost in-distinguishable from moral self-discipline and self-culture, but the difference became unmistakable when Dale Carnegie and then Norman Vincent Peale restated and transformed the tradition of Mather, Franklin, Barnum, and Lorimer. As a formula for success, winning friends and influencing people had little in common with industry and thrift. The prophets of positive thinking disparaged “the old adage that hard work alone is the magic key that will unlock the door to our desires.” They praised the love of money, officially condemned even by the crudest of Gilded Age materialists, as a useful incentive. “You can never have riches in great quantities,” wrote Napoleon Hill in this Think and Grow Rich,” unless you can work yourself into a white heat of desire for money.” The pursuit of wealth lost the few shreds of moral meaning that still clung to it. Formerly the Protestant virtues appeared to have an independent value of their own. Even when they became purely instrumental, in the second half of the nineteenth century, success itself retained moral and social overtones, by virtue of its contribution to the sum of human comfort and progress. Now success appeared as an end in its own right, the victory over your competitors that alone retained the capacity to instill a sense of self-approval. The latest success manuals differ from earlier ones - even surpassing the cynicism of Dale Carnegie and Peale - in their frank acceptance of the need to exploit and intimidate others, in their lack of interest in the substance of success, and in the candor with which they insist that appearances - “winning images - count for more than performance, ascription for more than achievement. One author seems to imply that the self consists of little more than its “image” reflected in others’ eyes. “Although I’m not being original when I say it, I’m sure you’ll agree that the way you see yourself will reflect the image you portray to others.” Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success.
<The American Religion by Harold Bloom (California Orphism)>
The Apotheosis of Individualism
The fear that haunted the social critics and theorists of the fifties - that rugged individualism had succumbed to conformity and “love-pressure sociability” - appears in retrospect to have been premature. In 1960, David Riesman complained that young people no longer had much social “presence,” their education having provided them not with “a polished personality but [with] an affable, casual, adaptable one, suitable to the losing organizations of an affluent society.” It is true that “a present-oriented hedonism,” as Riseman went on the argue, has replaced the work ethic “among the very classes which in the earlier stages of industrialization were oriented toward the future, toward distant goals and delayed gratification.” But this hedonism is a fraud; the pursuit of pleasure disguises a struggle for power. Americans have not really become more sociable and cooperative, as the theorists of other-direction and conformity would like us to believe; they have merely become more adept at exploiting the conventions of interpersonal relations for their own benefit. Activities ostensibly undertaken purely for enjoyment often have the real object of doing others in. It is symptomatic of the underlying tenor of American life that vulgar terms for sexual intercourse also convey the sense of getting the better of someone, working him over, taking him in, imposing your will through guile, deception, or superior force. Verbs associated with sexual pleasure have acquired more than the usual overtones of violence and psychic exploitation. In the violent world of the ghetto, the language of which now pervades American society as a whole, the violence associated with sexual intercourse is directed with special intensity by men against women, specifically against their mothers. The language of ritualized aggression and abuse reminds those who use it that exploitation is the general rule and some form of dependence the common fate, that “the individual,” in Lee Rainwater’s words, “is not strong enough or adult enough to achieve his goal in a legitimate way, but is rather like a child, dependent on others who tolerate his childish maneuvers”; accordingly males, even adult males, often depend on women for support and nurture. Many of them have to pimp for a living, ingratiating themselves with a woman in order to pry money from her; sexual relations thus become manipulative and predatory. Satisfaction depends on taking what you want instead of waiting for what is rightfully yours to receive. All this enters everyday speech in language that connects sex with aggression and sexual aggression with highly ambivalent feelings about mothers.
In some ways middle-class society has become a pale copy of the black ghetto, as the appropriation of its language would lead us to believe. We do not need to minimize the poverty of the ghetto or the suffering inflicted by whites on blacks in order to see that the increasingly dangerous and unpredictable conditions of middle-class life have given rise to similar strategies for survival. Indeed the attraction of black culture for disaffected whites suggests that black culture now speaks to a general condition, the most important feature of which is a widespread loss of confidence in the future. The poor have always had to live for the present, but now a desperate concern for personal survival, sometimes disguised as hedonism, engulfs the middle class as well. Today almost everyone lives in a dangerous world from which there is little escape. International terrorism and blackmail, bombings, and hijackings arbitrarily affect the rich and poor alike. Crime, violence, and gang wars make cities unsafe and threaten to spread to the suburbs. Racial violence on the streets and in the schools creates an atmosphere of chronic tension and threatens to erupt at any time into full-scale racial conflict. Unemployment spreads from the poor the white-collar class, while inflation eats away the savings of those who hoped to retire in comfort. Much of what is euphemistically known as the middle class, merely because it dresses up to go to work, is now reduced to proletarian conditions of existence. Many white-collar jobs require no more skill and pay even less than blue-collar jobs, conferring little status or security. The propaganda of death and destruction, emanating ceaselessly from the mass media, adds to the prevailing atmosphere of insecurity. Far-flung famines, earthquakes in remote regions, distant wars and uprisings attract the same attention as events closer to home. The impression of arbitrariness in the reporting of disaster reinforces the arbitrary quality of experience itself, and the absence of continuity in the coverage of events, as today’s crisis yields to a new and unrelated crisis tomorrow, adds to the sense of historical discontinuity - the sense of living in a world in which the past holds out no guidance to the present and the future has become completely unpredictable.
Older conceptions of success presupposed a world in rapid motion, in which fortunes were rapidly won and lost and new opportunities unfolded every day. Yet they also presupposed a certain stability, a future that bore some recognizable resemblance to the present and the past. The growth of bureaucracy, the cult of consumption with its immediate gratifications, but above all the severance of the sense of historical continuity have transformed the Protestant ethic while carrying the underlying principles of capitalist society to their logical conclusion . The pursuit of self-interest, formerly identified with the rational pursuit of gain and the accumulation of wealth, has become a search for pleasure and psychic survival. Social conditions now approximate the vision of republican society conceived by the Marquis de Sade at the very outset of the republican epoch. In many ways the most farsighted and certainly the most disturbing of the prophets of revolutionary individualism, Sade defended unlimited self-indulgence as the logical culmination of the revolution in property relations - the only way to attain revolutionary brotherhood in its purest form. By regressing in his writings to the most primitive level of fantasy, Sade uncannily glimpsed the whole subsequent development of personal life under capitalism, ending not in revolutionary brotherhood but in a society of siblings that has outlived and repudiated its revolutionary origins.
Sade imagined a sexual utopia in which everyone has the right to everyone else, where human beings, reduced to their sexual organs, become absolutely anonymous and interchangeable. His ideal society thus reaffirmed the capitalist principle that human beings are ultimately reducible to interchangeable objects. It also incorporated and carried to a surprising new conclusion Hobbes’s discovery that the destruction of paternalism and the subordination of all social relations to the market had stripped away the remaining restraints and the mitigating illusions from the war of all against all. In the resulting state of organized anarchy, as Sade was the first to realize, pleasure becomes life’s only business - pleasure, however, that is indistinguishable from rape, murder, unbridled aggression. In a society that has reduced reason to mere calculation, reason can impose no limits on the pursuit of pleasure - on the immediate gratification of every desire no matter how perverse, insane, criminal, or merely immoral. For the standards that would condemn crime or cruelty derive from religion, compassion, or the kind of reason that rejects purely instrumental applications; and none of these outmoded forms of thought or feeling has any logical place in a society based on commodity production. In his misogyny, Sade perceived that bourgeois enlightenment, carried to its logical conclusions, condemned even the sentimental cult of womanhood and the family, which the bourgeoisie itself had carried to unprecedented extremes.
At the same time, he saw that condemnation of “woman-worship” had to go hand in hand with a defense of woman’s sexual rights - their right to dispose of their own bodies, as feminists would put it today. If the exercise of that right in Sade’s utopia boils down to the duty to become an instrument of someone else’s pleasure, it was not so much because Sade hated women as because he hated humanity. He perceived, more clearly than the feminists, that all freedoms under capitalism come in the end to the same thing, the same universal obligation to enjoy and be enjoyed. In the same breath, and without violating his own logic, Sade demanded for women the right “fully to satisfy all their desires” and “all parts of their bodies” and categorically stated that “all women must submit to our pleasure.” Pure individualism thus issued in the most radical repudiation of individuality. “All men, all women resemble each other,” according to Sade; and to those of his countrymen who would become republicans he adds this ominous warning: “Do not think you can make good republicans so long as you isolated in their families the children who should belong to the republic alone.” The bourgeois defense of privacy culminates - not just in Sade’s thought but in the history to come, so accurately foreshadowed in the very excess, madness, infantilism of his ideas - in the most thoroughgoing attack on privacy; the glorification of the individual, in his annihilation.
<…>
Standing-Reserve.
Note a lack of the “Greek” in Lasch.
Visions of Excess: Selected Writings, 1927-1939 by Georges Bataille, Edited by A. Stoekl, Translated by A. Stoekl, C.R. Lovitt, and D.M. Leslie Jr.
<…>

After tonight's episode, it seems that again the consensus here is that Kenzie wins. I can 100% see it: she aligns with a lot of the themes in the season, she has a very carefully-crafted edit, very likeable with a lot of positivity, and we hear from her a lot even when we don't need to.
...but I think this subreddit as a whole is ready to christen her, perhaps because we want to see her win over milquetoast nerd narrator, when Charlie in no way should be eliminated right now. I guess I'll go against the grain and make the case for Charlie to keep things interesting:
1) Charlie these past few episodes has hit consistent strategic themes about having options, being adaptable, and ultimately playing to win. Last week, this looked a bit hypocritical as Q stayed and Venus went home. This week, we see Charlie honor these themes by taking out Q, betraying his ally Maria (who admittedly was also betraying him), and "playing to win." We got the big crescendo in the music at the reward after his letters from home. The other players left in the game have not really had the same consistency. Focusing on Kenzie specifically, a lot of her content has centered around wanting Q out. Now, this in of itself isn't a bad thing given that Q is basically the season's big bad, and in the bitter jury/social winner theory that's been circling around, this could explain why a jury would be more willing to vote for Kenzie over Charlie. But, this episode was basically presented as Charlie's move. It wasn't Kenzie and co. convincing Charlie to flip. It was Charlie himself building up social connections (tying back into his themes) and making a move when the time was right. It almost stands in stark contrast to last week's episode, when we see Kenzie and Venus try to flip Charlie and fail, versus this week when it's portrayed more as an individualistic move from him and not the result of Kenzie building a social bond.
2) Charlie's win conditions. Last week, he said he needs to get out Q/Maria. This week, he got out Q. I think most of us here agree that Maria won't be in the F3. If he gets out Maria (probably at 5), he satisfies the win condition he set out for himself. In a more meta sense, he also finally got a flashback package.
3) Charlie is a threat in-game. We got (subtitled) conversations this week about Charlie being super likable and beating everyone in the end. While this isn't the end-all-be-all, it's worth noting.
4) Kenzie as a runner-up. This subreddit has gotten on-board with a Kaoh Rong dynamic for this season, with Michele/Kenzie beating Aubry/Charlie. But I want to propose another theory: maybe Kenzie is built up to be a compelling and rootable runner-up because Charlie really did just play that strong of a strategic game. I mean objectively speaking, the man has completely steamrolled. The edit has downplayed the alliance of himself/Maria/Ben throughout the middle of the merge, instead choosing to focus on more entertaining characters, but we knew that they were in control. Charlie also got his moment this episode to one-up Maria, which plays into what the edit has suggested with Charlie always getting his way and being the center of that duo. But having Charlie march to the end and win wouldn't make for a compelling FTC in what would be the most obvious win of the New Era thus far. Kenzie is the last of her tribe standing; she's been called a threat by others who ultimately took her out. She's slipped through as Q foretold in his hide-and-seek prophecies. She's even tied into a lot of the major themes of the season. But none of these things are exclusive to winners. I think a key example here is Carolyn, who was edited as a super rootable character that was portrayed in the edit to be a lot closer to winning and a much bigger threat than she actually was. There are other things too, such as the unfortunate reality of female winners not usually having such big edits, and Kenzie (I believe) would be the first New Era winner, male or female, to actually lead in overall confessional time for the cast. She'd be an incredibly unique winner for the series in that regard.
All-in-all, I think this subreddit has jumped a lot onto the notion of Kenzie winning when I don't think it's the slam dunk yet that a lot of this subreddit thinks. After voting out Q this week, there isn't anything that is glaringly wrong with his edit. Sure, he's a bit boring and doesn't have a ton of personal content outside of, say, Taylor Swift, but maybe there just isn't much there? The New Era has also done a lot of editorial legwork to try and mask obvious winners in the past. 41 basically made up fiction about Erika to make her seem more in-danger than she was when in reality her alliance of herself/Deshawn/Heather ran the game. 44 propped up Carolyn to be a legitimate threat to Yam Yam when that wasn't the case. 45 chose to spend most of the merge focusing on the downfall of Belo and Emily's underdog arc and then only really circled back around to the Reba dynamics at the end. I can see the editors of 46 choosing to focus on the more wacky and compelling rest of the cast over a dull dominance of a Charlie + playing up Kenzie as a legitimate threat to win so the finale isn't a slog when Maria probably goes out 5th.
I'm personally probably split about 50/50 between Kenzie and Charlie. I do see the argument for a Kenzie social victory. But I also think that the Finale and FTC is going to have to do a lot of legwork on why Charlie loses given the edit has basically done nothing but show him playing a stellar strategic game; given the current meta of the show and how fans have reacted to "wtf?" winners as of late, I'd expect the editors to be a bit more explicit on why Charlie would lose to someone who admittedly didn't do as much strategically. But we will see.