Goodnight texts for him

TLDR: My boyfriend just broke up with me out of nowhere and I just want to get over him but I don’t know how
I was with my boyfriend for a year and a half and he ended things with me on Sunday.
At the start things were magical. I was the happiest I’d ever been and I think he was too.
I fell into a deep depression around July last year (whatever you do don’t go on the rod it will ruin your life) and I became a shell of myself. I got really really insecure about a lot of things but especially my relationship. I was terrified he would stop loving me and leave me.
In September I had a massive breakdown and we almost broke up but we decided to stay together. Things did get a bit better in that I started to feel better mentally but I never really felt right.
I would still worry so much about him leaving me. I was so anxious all the time I could barely function.
He spent Christmas with me and my family and then we went away for almost a month in January. I thought things would be getting better.
I just couldn’t shake the insecurity I had though and I started to resent the way he made me feel. I would daydream about breaking up with him just to hurt him or some how getting hurt or sick so he would worry about me.
He wasn’t perfect. I know that. But I did love him. He sometimes wasn’t very nice and would hurt my feelings and make me think that I was just being sensitive.
Things had been quite off since Easter. I was in more of a funk than I had been in quite a while and it felt like my entire life was just so empty and futile.
I didn’t see him a lot during this because this time of year is very busy at his work and I just put everything up to me not feeling great mentally and him being stressed and busy.
My 21st birthday was at the end of April and I was absolutely dreading it.
He took two days off to spend it with me on my birthday and I was so happy to be able to see him and things were so fine and he was the most beautiful Facebook post for me and I remembered why I loved him so much.
My party was on the Saturday of that week and again he came and spent the afternoon with me and looked after me while I was violently hungover on Sunday. We had been talking for so long about moving into together and we had another conversation about it on Sunday. Everything again seemed to be fine.
I started an antidepressant on Monday in an attempt to pull myself together and help control my anxiety. I was pretty sick this first week as I heard can be expected when starting this medication.
The next Saturday he invited me out to a family friend’s bonfire. He was so mean to me this night. He didn’t really talk to me and he didn’t sit near me. I was sort of left to try and talk to his mom.
We got home that night and he laid on his phone before saying goodnight and going to sleep. This was not very usual for us. We would usually cuddle and talk or have sex, just spend time together in bed. I was left feeling so confused and worried. I didn’t know what I had done.
The next day I was understandably a little demure as I continued to worry about what I had done to upset him. And he made a point to keep asking me if I had had a good night. Which I had not. Because of him. I didn’t say this.
I cried the entire hour long drive home. I thought I was just reacting badly to my medication.
The next week I started to feel better with my medication and my spirits started lifting. We still didn’t really text a lot during the day but I was able to recognise that he was probably just busy and he wasn’t going to leave me at the drop of a hat.
On Saturday we had plans to go out with his friends for dinner. He asked me to come over that day, he was going to take the day off the spend with me.
When I got there he was acting so weird again. Being cold and antisocial and quite short with me. I just figured he was stressed or something and he eventually warmed up a little by dinner.
But when we got home the same thing happened again and he completely froze me out and went to sleep immediately. I was so worried I didn’t sleep.
The next morning we had breakfast with his mom and she showed me his baby album. Things were fine.
When I got home I decided to text him and just ask if everything was okay or if I was just imagining things to be a bit off and he responded with no things are not alright I’ll phone you later.
A delightful message to receive.
He then drove all the way to my house and preceded to tell me that he just didn’t care about me when we were apart. He said he wanted to break up with me since SEPTEMBER when we last had this conversation. And he felt like staying with me would be settling.
But he said he still wanted to see me and be friends with me and he didn’t want to lose me. Upon my asking what being friends would look like he explained that we would still do pretty much everything we always have done just not have sex anymore.
He was here for over three hours and probably cried more than I did.
Now i am heartbroken. I can’t believe that I will never see him or his friends and his family every again. I just don’t know what to do with my self. I wasted over a year of my life with him and he said he didn’t love me for almost half of it
But I’m also relieved. I don’t have to worry about him judging me or leaving me. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my chest. I want to hate him but I can’t. I can see now that our relationship was probably over for a while now or at the very least I haven’t been happy with it for a while but I am still so sad.
I am worried he will want to get back together again but I am also so worried that he won’t. I just don’t know how to stop thinking about it. I want it so bad but I also don’t know if I can do it again.
I miss him so much, he was my person for so long and I just don’t know how to get over it.
I can’t stop thinking about all of the plans we had made all of the this was so looking forward to doing with him.
I just want to get into a new relationship not because I really need one, I have my fried and my family, I feel less alone now than I did with him. But it was so nice having a person. (I do recognise that it is waaaay too early to be thinking about getting into any sort of new relationship)
The thought that I will have to date again kills me too. Boy are so foul and mean and how do you even meet people outside of dating apps.
But I also don’t ever want to have to trust a boy again because it will just end the same way again I’m just not good enough.
Anyway, I’m so sorry for all of that but yeah how do I get over this and stop thinking about him?

im (f19) in college and i just got cheated on last month, so i've been on tinder looking for validation and a hook up. i came across this guy (m20) and we decided to meet up just for a hook up. before we met up, he said that if he was looking for a woman, that i would check off all the boxes. i know that he could just be saying that, since he barely knew me. i asked him why no real relationships and he told me he was cheated on too and hasn't felt comfortable starting up again.
the first time we met up, we got along really well and had a good time. he asked if i would do it again and i told him yes, and then he took me back home. i gave him my number later that night and he would text me goodnight and good morning occasionally.
the second meetup, we were definitely more comfortable with each other. he kept asking questions about me, and it could be small talk but it felt nice that he was somewhat interested? he remembered things i talked about last time and brought them up, and even made sure i was comfortable during. after we did it, he opened his arms for me, inviting me to lay with him. at this point, we still had no clothes on, so we were just cuddling. we talked for an hour, and we had many things in common. i told him i hadn't watched specific movies, and he said one day we're gonna sit down and watch them. when he dropped me off, he told me he would text me when he gets home, and kissed me goodbye.
when he got home, i asked him not to have any other sexual partners so i don't catch anything and he said yes, then we said goodnight. we didn't text the next day, but the day after that, i told him to come see me again. it's been a couple days since i sent that text, and he hasn't texted me back. i think he's ghosting me tbh 😭
am i reading too much into this situation? it's my first time hooking up and i'm pretty sure hookups don't tell each other their life story and make plans to do things other than hook up.

Colin and Allie’s texts message timestamps and Testimony

• The text says “here” at 12:10am.
  
• Colin Says he came out and got into the car 30-60 seconds later. We’ll add a buffer and say they left at 12:12am.
  
• Colin and Allie confirm they went straight to his house to drop him off. It’s a 5-7 minute drive max (their words and Mapquest) to get to his house so let’s say 12:20am
  

Colin arrives home no later than 12:20am.
————————————————————————-
Chris and Julie Alberts testimony and video footage from Waterfall

• Chris Albert (his dad) is seen inside about to exit the Waterfall Grille at 12:13:45am so really he leaves at 12:14am.
  
• It’s a 0.4 mile 7+ minute walk to his house (there are no cut through trust me) especially with wind hitting him and snow starting to come down and potential slippery sidewalks. Well keep it on the low end so 9 minutes puts Chris arriving home no earlier than 12:21.
  
• CA states he went upstairs when he got home and got in bed and relaxed for 10-15 minutes BEFORE Colin got home and said goodnight which Julie confirms. Colin also confirmed he got home AFTER.
  

This means that Colin got home no earlier than 12:31am. I’m being very generous here.
People have asked why are 5-10-20 minutes a big deal? It’s a big deal because the time proves that Chris Albert and Julie Albert are lying about their testimony that they saw Colin get home after Chris did. It’s one thing to forget times but you can’t forget seeing someone before or after you got home. That’s different than remembering a time. They specifically and clearly said “he came in our room and said I love you goodnight”. Their extra words make their testimony to Colin coming home at no earlier than 12:31am set in stone.
The issue is that Colin’s texts and statements with Allie prove he got home by 12:20am and CAs video footage from Waterfall prove he got home no earlier than 12:22am. According to them without realizing it, they confirm Colin got home first via time but confirm via their own eyes which are more reliable that he got home after Chris. Add in the fact that Chris said Colin got home at least 10-15 minutes after him means there is NO WAY this story is true. The only way this falls apart is if Colin’s text messages with Allie aren’t real and was manipulated (very well could have been) which becomes an even bigger issue.
… and this is why 5-10-20 minutes matter so much. Their accounts prove a massive lie exists and it’s a matter of which one is it. There is no way around it.

Hi everyone, advice needed please. Even if it's just to tell me I'm being stupid, and to end this now. I just need some outside, unbiased opinions.
I met a guy in my college class. We got along very well right off the bat, expressed mutual attraction, and started texting all day every day. He disclosed to me a few days in that he's in an open relationship, and that there's things he's allowed to do, and things he is not. The hard boundary though, was that feelings were not allowed. Anything else was pretty much fair game.
At first, I shut it down. I don't have experience with non-monogamy and I wasn't comfortable with it. I'm still not. But it's like we couldn't stay away from each other. We only went a few days no-contact before he reached out again, under the guise of just friendly communication, but it's hard when two people are attracted to each other, to keep it to that. Lots of flirting. I opened myself up a little bit to his advances, but mostly just for fun. At that point he was a friend I had flirty banter with, and nothing more.
But the texts from him kept coming. Again -- all day, every day. One thing led to another one day after class, and we made out in the car. A week later, it happened again. We came really close to having sex that time (I ended up topless and we fooled around a bit), but I didn't let anything happen because I was afraid of taking it to that next step.
We had a talk about what happened those nights in the car, and why it didn't go further. I told him I was still uncomfortable, and also a little sad. I don't want to be just a body for someone, and I deserve better than being a fuckbuddy for him (or anyone else, for that matter). He agreed. He said that I am not just a body, that he feels completely at ease around me, and that he genuinely enjoys spending time with me. He told me that, at any time, I can tell him to back off and he will. But he doesn't want to lose me as a friend.
Since then, those texts still haven't stopped. We do exchange photos, but he never pushes me for them. He's been very respectful of my boundaries, and he obviously understands what's going on in my head. But it's gotten a little different now. He's started texting me early in the morning, just to say "good morning". Goodnight messages happen almost every night. We've stayed up late, after sending sexy pictures to each other and taking care of business, so to speak... just to talk, both of us reluctant to be the first to sign off for the night. He's called me beautiful, that he's proud of me for the things I've accomplished in school, and when we do see each other, he's gone in for kisses but never pushed for sex. We've snuggled up to each other just for the physical closeness, and I even slept in his bed one time when I was in the area and too tired to drive home. Sex didn't happen that night. He just cuddled me to sleep.
We haven't had sex at all since we met.
Last week, we were hanging out in a group of friends from class. One of his friends called him and he answered, and I wasn't really paying attention until suddenly I heard him say, "Yes, _________ (my name) is here too." It kind of took me off guard, as it would anyone who hears someone say their name from afar, and I assumed it was his girlfriend on the phone. But he got off the call, came back to the group, and one of our friends asked him, "Girlfriend?" and he casually said, "Nah, just a buddy of mine." I just kind of wondered why his friend knew about me, and asked if I was there. That means that at some point, he brought me up to whoever this person was. I could also be overthinking it.
Well, I like this guy a lot. And I hate that I do. I hate that I've let it get to this point, and the only reason I haven't had sex with him is because I don't want to get even more attached. I think that, if I was his girlfriend, I wouldn't like my boyfriend texting another girl as often as he texts me. And sometimes the content of those messages are things I've believed up until this point are only reserved for a significant other. I don't know. I don't want to lose him as a friend -- I've never clicked with someone this fast in such a long time. But it's so hard to remain "friendly" when we both clearly are drawn to each other. Please, someone give me something here. To save my feelings, or his relationship, or something. This doesn't feel like I'm just a FWB. Because there really haven't been any real benefits at all, besides photos. It's just two friends who are definitely not platonic but are not really addressing what's really going on.
I don't know what to do.

This has been bothering me and I do not know what to make of it. I have been friends with this guy for a little over a year and generally he seemed nice. But in recent months, he turned really 'flirty' with uncomfortable questions and comments. I told him to stop and things were back to normal. Recently, he then became distant and said he was re-examining his relationships. He also asked if he was friend-zoned. I was speechless. supposedly the night before, I texted him goodnight and went to bed when he told me to stay longer, and apparently that upset him (lol?)
This is someone I enjoyed talking to, but I don't think of my relationships this way. I think the friendzone concept is really silly. It implies our relationship was transactional instead of naturally growing over time. and that he was only seeking more than friendship. It made me really frustrated because guys I befriend always seem to want something.
I told him this and he apologized, but i still wonder if he only talks to me because he's interested. it is hard to shake off and I'm unsure if I'm overreacting or if this is the kind of guy I should be weary of

My husband skipped our 8yr old sons birthday and then when he finally got back to us it was a text and all he said was "just saw your message". I had texted him 5hours prior and called him many times on all his numbers We waited at the kids venue for hours until closing. I even saved him a plate of food. We though something happened to him as he had never gone a whole day without replying.
When I confronted him, he said "its okay no worries". I was shocked with how nonchalant he acted and reminded him how we waited and how I had called all his numbers. Then I told him he should atleast apologize to our son as he was sad for what happened. And he replied "apologize for what?". I told him for missing his birthday. And he replied "dont start". I was surprised and I replied that I am not starting anything but that we were all disappointed and we were worried that something happened to him and our son was disappointed and sad and if he didnt care about us then he didn't deserve us worrying for him and I said goodnight sir.
He didnt care and replied good bye as well basically deserting and ghosting us like he always does. He has since not reached out to us or the kids its been a week
FIY (we are living separately after some issues but we meet up weekly and he knew it was his birthday and that we were going to celebrate it as we had talked the night before. He had recently started a new business course too which I suspect is what he was doing)
AITA for the way I reacted?

We met online through social media and admittedly at the time l ignored any red flags. He lives around 4 hours away from me and we have visited each other 3 times for extended periods (4-5 days) in our now 3 month relationship.
We are in a LDR but he expects me to have access to my phone to be able to text 24/7. I recently started up a new medication that is causing me to feel fatigued and I tried to explain to him that I wouldn't be up for constant communication when I'm struggling to barely be awake.
He told me, "It KILLS ME because I don't know when you're going to get better." feel like I can't ever express that I am feeling depressed, because it's like he feeds off my energy and ends up depressed himself, then I feel obligated to tend to him. You can see how exhausting this has gotten. On top of the new medication, my mom had recently broken a bone and was left bedridden and I had to tend to her. My mom and her health are more important to me than keeping my phone glued to my hand.
He doesn't have a life of his own. He's told me this. He has no guy friends to hang out with, and all his other friends are online. He has no hobbies besides watching sports so he just rots in his house. He told me his world revolves around me and I saved him and without me, he'd probably wouldn't be alive.
I think that's what's keeping me here. I feel stuck. I feel responsible. I am exhausted and I know it's not right but in the back of my mind, I remember him telling me that if I were to leave, he'd have no purpose in life anymore, nothing to look forward to, and would end his life. He always mentions how he was planning to before he met me, but I convinced him not to by just coming into his life. That feels terrifying for me and I don't know what to do.
What set everything off at this point was I fell asleep one night last week without texting goodnight or being on the phone with him. He expects us to fall asleep together on the phone every. single. night. I was exhausted and unintentionally fell asleep. This lead to him blowing up my texts, calling me nonstop, messaging me on social media saying, "Seriously, no communication? Nothing?" He had acted like this another time too when I had unintentionally fallen asleep, but this time I found out he was complaining about how I was mad at him in a group chat and sulking.
After this I asked him for space and he has not respected it. I told him we could do check-ins like 3 times a day to keep up with each other, but he still finds any reason to send random texts. Now every time that he texts me, I feel resentful. I have a job. I have a life outside of him. He doesn't have a life outside of me.
I feel like this has spun out of control way too fast and I feel stuck because he makes me feel like I am responsible for him being alive. If I leave, he says he won't have a reason to live anymore. And it feels paralyzing. I am exhausted, physically and mentally, and burnt out from this relationship. I don't know how much more I can take of this. I don't know what to do. I feel hopeless and scared. What do you feel would be the best course of action moving forward?
Tidr; my Idr boyfriend is co-dependent on me and expects my world to revolve around him when I have multiple responsibilities that don't allow me to constantly be on my phone. He makes comments referencing ending his life if I were to not be around anymore and I am scared to leave because of it.

I (17F) have a coworker who is (17M) and i can’t tell if he likes me (as in wants to date) or just wants to hookup. Recently we have been going out a lot, such as driving him home most nights or hanging out on a hill and watching plans take off while cuddling. This past saturday we hung out and we cuddled on a playground and he kept caressing my face and fixing my hair. He holds my hand when i’m scared (when we walk in the dark) and gives me his hoodie if it’s cold. Keep in mind i currently have one of his hoodies. We ended up making out in the backseat of my car that night, and he kept mentioning to me that he was worried I would regret doing that, and he was very persistent about me not telling anyone about what happened. My friend slyly asked him about his, to which he responded that we were nothing and weren’t talking or anything. Then just tonight I drove him home from work again, this time I told him I was confused on the situation. He said he didn’t really think about it and he doesn’t want it to be a one time thing and that he wants to hangout again this friday. He also said that he would text me and talk about it afterwards. I mentioned to him that I’m being careful since I don’t want to get hurt like my past relationships, to which he responded he wouldn’t hurt me. I dropped him off and he said goodnight.
My question is.. does he want a relationship with me or is he just doing all of this for just a hookup? I really like him, and I would 100% date him. But i don’t want to go for it if he’s just gonna blow me off if we hookup.

Have you ever had dreams that felt too real?
I’m 17f, and recently i’ve had problems with my sleep. It all started when me and my boyfriend 20m hung out. -What’s up with you? Is it your past that you are thinking about? -Yeah i keep having dreams about it.
We were supposed to have date night, have dinner, go to my place and later the spa. None of this happend.
Instead, we met up at his place but i couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong with me. I kept feeling zooned out throughout the whole day.
A few hours later i saw that he had texted me:
-baby what’s wrong -are you alright? -please let me come over i need to see you -baby?
Honestly i didn’t even look at his texts because i didn’t care. I was too caugh up in my mind.
I decided to text him: -i’m not well, i’m going to sleep. Goodnight
I instanly got a respond but i didn’t bother to look. I went to sleep so i could espace reality for just a bit.
I tossed, i turned and what not but nothing worked i just couldn’t fall asleep.
It was starting to get sweaty, and i decided to ignore it and continue to try and sleep. After an hour i was fast asleep.
It’s now morning and i woke up terrified. This dream was even worse than the last one. It wasn’t even a dream, it was based on something that happend in my past that i had to relive all over again. Oh god, this is terrible, i fear my past and i never want to relive ir again, in any way possible.
I texted bf saying: -i had a weird dream based on my past. I don’t think i’m too well. Come over.
He didn’t text me back, he came as soon as he could and i vented to him while crying in his arms. I couldn’t breathe, someone or something was choking me it felt.
Boyfriend ended up staying the night and comforted me while i tried to sleep. Same thing happend again, and he was there to witness it all happen.
-Hey who are you? -stranger
-Where am i? And who are you? Me
-It doesn’t matter you HAVE to find a way to wake up now or you’re stuck in here for eternity-stranger
-WAKE UP NOW SING! Stranger
I sang and i sang, but nothing worked. We were in an elevator and everythinf started to disolve, not like when it’s falling apart bur straight up disolving into nowhere. Under me was a black void, and i sang even louder to get out of this nightmare, but i was stuck.
I found myself in this empty void, floating. Everything wqs just a pure void, black, no ending and no atart. I could see people i knew, i could see bubbles of memories that included me. What i did not realize was that i could also see bubbles with my past in them.
I saw my body disolving, it was being sucked in by my worst fear. That bubble was sucking the soul out of me. I rember how loud i screamed for help as if anyone was gonna hear me. Then i was never found again.
-She is waking up!- doc 1 -Clear the airway!- doc 2
I threw up, i woke up. I had vomit in my throat and all over me.
-Ms kaffas you are at Saint Jose hospital, you have been in a coma for 7 years.
I layed down in disbelief, and i was shocked my brain couldn’t process what was happening. I guess the guy in my dream was right after all.

I (17F) have a coworker who is (17M) and i can’t tell if he likes me (as in wants to date) or just wants to hookup. Recently we have been going out a lot, such as driving him home most nights or hanging out on a hill and watching plans take off while cuddling. This past saturday we hung out and we cuddled on a playground and he kept caressing my face and fixing my hair. He holds my hand when i’m scared (when we walk in the dark) and gives me his hoodie if it’s cold. Keep in mind i currently have one of his hoodies. We ended up making out in the backseat of my car that night, and he kept mentioning to me that he was worried I would regret doing that, and he was very persistent about me not telling anyone about what happened. My friend slyly asked him about his, to which he responded that we were nothing and weren’t talking or anything. Then just tonight I drove him home from work again, this time I told him I was confused on the situation. He said he didn’t really think about it and he doesn’t want it to be a one time thing and that he wants to hangout again this friday. He also said that he would text me and talk about it afterwards. I mentioned to him that I’m being careful since I don’t want to get hurt like my past relationships, to which he responded he wouldn’t hurt me. I dropped him off and he said goodnight.
My question is.. does he want a relationship with me or is he just doing all of this for just a hookup? I really like him, and I would 100% date him. But i don’t want to go for it if he’s just gonna blow me off if we hookup.

Hi, so Ive been seeing a guy for a month now. We went on three dates already but before he got busy with work (he's a chef so he changed to a busier place), we would always talk on facetime. He works from 9am to midnight, has only one day off per week which he doesnt even know when because it is subjected to change. We text everyday but its only the morning and goodnight texts, cant even talk about my day because he is always tired and would reply the next day instead. Ive never been in a real relationship before so this is me trying to open up and finally date. He seems not interested at all when we text but we talk alot when we're together. I would say I feel really comfortable with him like there's a sense of peace? I'm the type of person that needs attention and lovess to share my stories but this is the first time ive met someone that I dont talk alot everyday with. I loveeee it when we're together and I see his efforts then, but when we dont meet its like Im the only one trying. Oh and we always talk about going on dates but there are no plans at all about when and what to do. I am working too but on normal working hours. Am I overthinking or is it normal. Do I just have to be understanding of his work or am I just wasting my time hoping? I heard guys would show their efforts and excitement more during the early stages of knowing each other but why dont I feel anything? Except for the comfortness when we meet.

I (18M) have been meeting this girl (20F) For two weeks. It all started with a common friend telling me to approach her. Things went well, it only took a few days for us to go out on a date and surprisingly we have a LOT of common interests, we kissed and once she was home she sent me a text telling me she's super interested in me. Two days later i asked her out on a second date (Which we had already planned.) Again, things went well, this time we made out, we both said "I like you" and when i asked her what she wanted us to become, she answered with the same question, to which i replied that i'm looking for a relationship. She didn't hesitate to say yes, however it was i who said we needed to get to know each other a lil' bit more. Again, once i got home i received a text from her telling me how much fun she had, thanking me for building legos with her (We visited a lego shop) and telling me she forgot to give me smth, but that she will give it to me when we meet again. I thanked her for her time and apologized for what happened (We were planning to go to an aquarium, however it was too crowded.) To then send her another text telling we could go some other time during the week. At last, she accepted, saying she'd check out the aquarium's website and try to ask for her manager (Our common friend) to give her a day off. Wishing me goodnight and sweet dreams that was her last text since saturday night.
On Monday morning i visited the stand where she works. I knew she wasn't gon be there as she only serves the morning shift on Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays and Sundays. Anyways, the reason i was there is to ask our common friend (And seemingly cupid) if she told him smth about our date. He said "nothing important", other than her posting romantic stuff on her close friends stories. He said i'm doing good so far, but that i must keep momentum.
Now, we haven't texted since saturday night(Her sending the last text), she told me disinterest it's an absolute "no-go" for her. I really don't wanna make her feel like i don't wanna talk to her. This common friend of ours, told me to not care if disinterest it's a turn off for her, as me, visiting/texting her not so often will make her desperate for me. I really do wanna visit her tomorrow, maybe ask her out on a 3rd date? but again, our friend told me to wait till Thursday and not ask her out until next week.

I (f18) am talking to a guy (m20) from tinder and have been talking to him for about a month. We are not dating, and have not yet met in person. I really just don't click with him, but I also got this icky feeling the other night. I was going to bed when we were texting and told him goodnight, and he responded in kind. He then texted me "I love you" before quickly deleting it. Reminder, I have NOT met him, and we are NOT dating. Would I be the ah if I told him I'm not clicking with him and cut him off for this?
Update: I talked to him, and I think he took it well. I was very gentle, but to the point. I'm going to unadd him and this will be the end of things. Thanks for your support, I was really nervous I was doing something bitchy (I was raised to always consider mens feelings first)

I met him over the xbox nearly 5 years ago, it’s pretty crazy. We dated for a few months online, and decided it’s better off if we were friends due to long distance (He lives in the USA, i’m from the UK) because he had to stay up late to text me and vice versa!
However, maintained a pretty strong relationship. Until, i got a boyfriend, and he got a girlfriend. I was pretty much the person which cut contact but it was because my boyfriend was pretty mad i had an ex-boyfriend added. Which i get.
(Later after, he breaks up with his GF)
However, i didn’t remove my friend, just had daily streaks and my boyfriend was okay with that.
Until, my birthday! My friend insisted to send me a gift via amazon but i refused because my boyfriend would’ve been fuming about the gesture.
He said, my friend, that it was okay and he’d eventually get me one, one day.
Then, unfortunately, recently, me and my boyfriend got into an argument which put our relationship on hold.
Coincidentally my friend reached out about the gift, he says he saved enough for something small and how i deserve it for being his friend for nearly 5 years. So, i send him a list of my ‘Wish-list’ items and tell him to pick any one as a surprise!
Ranging from £2-£20.
In the meantime, i’ve opened up about mine and my boyfriends situation and he opened up about his. Additionally, talking about me continuously flying out to him and how fast he wants it to happen - i thought it was a bit funny. But in consideration, we’ve been friends for a while.
Eventually, he sends me a screenshot of the parcels (3) sending on the amazon app. And i was angry! ‘’I only said 1.’’ Then he said, ‘’I got 11’’… DUDE.
Out of suspicion i ask what the price was and he said 214 USD. I felt so bad, he works at a burger restaurant! I didn’t expect so much. Soon after, says he’d buy me shoes too!!!
He mentions wanting to make me happy and be the bestest of best people i know, always overthinks if i’m upset and has a pretty built bond with me.
I don’t know why! In a way, i think he likes me. Another side wants to think he’s just a caring friend. I hope he is just being a nice friend, he’s sweet but is not my type an i don’t want to ‘lead him on’ or spend anymore money! Not to mention, i’m in a situationship right now and cannot be loving someone.
He got me; (2) jeans, (1) shirt, (1) shirt bundle, (1) bracelet, (3) stuffed toys, (2) candle packs.
HOW IS THAT 214 DOLLARS.
For context, one of the candles is aromatherapy ‘love sleep candles’ which have ‘sexual’ symbols around the box and RED writing inside which says, ‘French kiss’ and ‘goodnight kisses’. This wasn’t in my Wish list!! is he hinting something?? Am i paranoid.
tl;dr My friend is being a bit too loving.

Hi Morgan, Longtime listener, first time writing in. My best friend and I are having trouble figuring out the right thing to do in this situation and wanted to get an outside perspective. Buckle up because this is a LONG one because theres a lot of backstory that’s necessary.
Would we be the assholes if we didn’t attend our childhood best friends wedding?
There is a lot of context in this storyline so I’ll try to give a lot of detail. We start in January of 2023, my best friend, Greta(26F) and I(26F) get in contact with one of our childhood best friends, Laura (26F), and plan a visit to catch up on the past 10ish years that we’ve been apart. Laura moved away from our hometown when we were 15. Now Greta and I live about 2 hours from where Laura moved to when we were young, so we reached out and invited her and her fiancé Logan(26M) up to stay with us and hang out.
They come visit, we have such a great time, her fiancé was pretty quiet and distant the whole time, but the 3 of us together were big talkers so I just chalked it up to him not being able to get a word in and they left. In March they came back to visit again and announced to us that they were moving a few states away. We were really sad, but happy for them since they were getting to move somewhere that they’d wanted to be for a while. They were going to elope together after a few months but Logan had a university study abroad for a month in Japan so they were going to wait until after.
So, he leaves for Japan in May, and while he is away a girl reaches out to Laura from the college that Logan attends. This girl tells Laura that her friend had been getting really close with Logan, uncomfortably so and she wanted to give Laura a heads up that she thought they were romantically involved. Greta and I were worried but Laura brushed it off and said it was probably nothing, so Greta and I dropped it because we didn’t feel close enough to Laura to tell her we felt like she should look into it more.
Flash forward 2 weeks into Logan’s study abroad, he calls Laura at 5AM to let her know that he doesn’t think he wants to get married anymore. She’s distraught but has to go into work that morning and calls us after to let us know. We support her, you know he fucking sucks for doing that not only over the phone but right before she went into work, real shady. Greta and I are very worried about Laura because Laura really wants to make it work, but we still don’t say anything because we just want to be there for her.
He gets back and agrees to go to couples counseling, they do couples counseling for 2 weeks, during this time he repairs her car. Replaces a tire, breaks, oil change, the works, he’s been working with cars for a long time, so this was no biggie. Well after that two weeks, Laura comes home to all of Logan’s stuff packed and he tells her it’s over and he’s moving back home. He leaves. She’s devastated. We comfort her, come up and visit her, and tell her that she doesn’t need him and she slowly starts getting over him. Meanwhile she gives us A TON of context about her relationship with Logan. She paid for his college, he has had no job for the past 2 years while getting his degree, so she had been financially supporting them both. She paid for his trip to Japan, he put her in 20K of credit card debt, and more in personal loans, etc. Then in couples therapy told her he wasn’t attracted to her because she made money and he didn’t (so weird).
So immediately Greta and I are like, “Girl, we had a bad feeling, we wanted to tell you but didn’t want to upset you, we’re just glad you’re finally out of that mess”. She tells us that next time we should come to her and be honest with her, we apologize and agree. Then one day Laura calls us to tell us that she almost got into a really bad car accident. She lives in a mountainous area and her breaks went out on her when she was driving on the interstate on a hill, she managed to pull of into a grass median and slow the car down.
She gets the car towed to a mechanic that night and heads to work the next morning. Mechanic calls her midday. He asks he who worked on her car last, she said “My ex” and he said “Is he still in your life?” she said no. And he said “Good, Because I’ve never seen anything like this in my 20 years as a mechanic.” Her brake fluid hadn’t been connected so all the break fluid drained out. Her brake pads weren’t fastened/screwed in to the wheels, the were just placed in there. And he back tire bolts were stripped so hard that he said he tire probably would’ve come off had she kept driving.
Later that week, Logan asks to talk to her, she agrees only to get closure on the situation. Well he calls and begs her to get back together, she says no absolutely not. Then he asks” How’s the car?” She said, “Well I almost died last week”, he immediately jumped to the defensive “Well, that had nothing to do with me, I didn’t do anything” a very guilty response, so we were all convinced he tried to kill her. She filed a police report on him and started moving on. This is in July.
Now we move into part two of this debacle. My partner and I go up to visit her in September and she’s doing well on her own, she’s having fun, dating around, putting herself first, in therapy, just doing really well, were happy for her. She hasn’t really made any friends which is making her lonely but we were telling her to get involved in clubs and meet people, etc.
We leave our trip which was really fun and head back home. 2 weeks later, Laura says she’s met this really great guy, its almost October at this point, she’s gone on multiple dates with him and really likes him, were happy for her, still a bit concerned, but if she’s happy we’re happy. So Laura, Greta, and I plan a girls trip to come up and visit Laura for a long weekend. Laura wants us to vet this new guy, make sure he’s a good dude. She tells us she really values our input and so Greta and I are so excited to go on this trip with an open mind. November rolls around, one month before our trip and Laura announces that the new guy, we’ll call him Will (29M) has moved in with her, bringing his dog with him. Greta and I are a bit shocked but we didn’t say anything bc we’ve both done stuff like that before and Laura was struggling to keep up with rent on her own (she was still in the house that her ex fiancé left her in) so we knew she could use a roommate.
December is finally here and Greta and I hop on a plane and Will and Laura pick us up from the airport, first impression in the car was fine, he seemed nice, he drove us back to their place and we walk into the house. I come face to face with a completely different living room than I saw in September, all of Laura’s art and stuff are moved out of the living room replaced with the following: a giant poster of Elon Musk smoking a joint, a poster model of a rocket, a poster of Jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun. And a bookshelf full of Will’s books and Lego sets on display. Alarm bells are going off in my head and Greta’s at this point. We have a little conversation and because it’s late, we go to bed. We sleep in a room that outside of the house in the backyard, it has full heating so its basically just like a bedroom with a deadbolt. I double lock the dead bolts and we go to bed.
At 3am I’m woken up by Greta shaking me in a panic, asking me if I remembered to double deadbolt the door, I told her I did and that were okay and we both went back to sleep. When we woke up the next day, and she told me she had a weird feeling that he was gonna come in our room in the night. I agreed, and told her that was why I double dead bolted the door.
We go through our girls trip which ended up not being a girls trip at all, Will was by our side the entire time. Laura and he talked about looking at ENGAGEMENT RINGS, they bought a ring sizer, she was picking out her faves. He never let us have girl time except for one hour trip we took downtown to window shop. He would come sit in Greta and my room when we were talking with Laura, he would watch movies with us, he went everywhere with us. Not only that but in the middle of conversations, he would pull out his guitar and just start playing in the middle of us talking, or when we sat down to watch a movie. There is one bathroom in the house, and the main house part is very small about 650 square feet, my friend Greta has bathroom anxiety, she doesn’t like to poop in public places so she asked Laura and I if we would grab Will and the dog, and just go for a quick walk around the block while she used the bathroom. It was no biggie, so we got ready and went on a walk, we got 20 feet out the door and Will starts griping about how he doesn’t want to be outside and that Greta is a selfish pooper, and continues to complain the entire time were outside. We don’t even go for a walk, we stop at the corner of the street and just stand there because he doesn’t want to go any further.
At this point I’m annoyed with this guy, he just seems really controlling. To add to it, he didn’t want to go for a hike in the mountains, so Laura didn’t want to go so we ended up spending the entire weekend inside their house basically, even though we were in a beautiful area, and hiking is a group favorite, because he didn’t want to go. We didn’t. Also this is a personal anger of mine but I bought a dozen Krispy Kreme donuts (they were $18, which is crazy) and he ate EIGHT OF THEM. it pissed me off so bad, I had to hide the box that night just so I had 1 donut left over in the morning. Anyway onto the big finale.
Our last night there we finished up watching a movie and the events that unfold all happen within 3 minutes, keep that in mind. Laura had taken an edible so she was pretty out of it, like laying on top of the dog, whispering, just all around sounding really tired. Will says hes gonna take her to bed and Greta and I say were gonna get ready for bed in the bathroom. Bedroom and bathroom are five steps fro each other. I brush my teeth and use the bathroom while Greta is brushing hers and then I walk out of the bathroom and tell Greta that I’m grabbing my stuff to head over to our outside bedroom. I grab my bag from the kitchen counter, which is right next to their bedroom door. The bedroom door is open so I say goodnight to both of them and tell Greta I’ll see her in a sec, she’s just finishing up. Maybe 45 seconds pass and I’m waiting in our bedroom when I get 3 texts from Greta “OH MY GOD” “HELP” “HOLY SHIT”, Greta comes running out of the house, slamming the back door, and I run up to her.
She tells me that they were loudly having sex in their bedroom with the door open, mind you the bathroom is 5 steps from the bedroom. the kitchen counter is right next to the bedroom and Greta had to walk over to it to grab her stuff.
We are freaked the fuck out at this point not only was it super disrespectful but Greta was super affected by it, which who wouldn’t be it was disturbing. Because mere moments before Laura went to bed she was so high. And I smoke regularly so I know what it looks like when someone is super high and I hadn’t gotten that high in a long time. She was very out of it. So this really bothered us both.
The next day, were ready to go home, we get to the airport where they drop us off and once the two of us are in the airport we both look at each other and both just say “that was horrible”, we both felt like the entire trip we had a bad feeling about him and didn’t want to ruin the vibes of the trip so we just didn’t say anything about it. So were sitting in the terminal writing down a list of all the red flags, all the instances where he gave us a bad feeling. And overall just as a person he gave us a really bad feeling. Just gross, nasty, icky feeling. Not sure how to describe it well but I just knew something was off and Greta said she felt the same.
Laura had asked us to give our opinion on what we thought of him so we drafted up a letter to her, with key moments and points that we felt were big signs that he may not be a good guy. It includes everything we went over in this story, I didn’t want to supply to much of our opinion on the situation but I know that my bias comes out in this story a bit.
We wrote to her, and she responded to us with basically “I appreciate your concern, I will take your opinions into consideration” Its worth it to note that they were talking about getting engaged in March of 2024 (It is Early December 2023 at this point) and in our letter we told her that she should give their relationship more time, and get to know him better before they get engaged.
Our relationship with her after that became very one sided, Greta and I tried our best to keep messaging her but she really never responded so we kind of gave up. End of January we get a text from her, a picture of her and him she has an engagement ring on, “We’re engaged!” Greta and I respond with a Congrats! and a heart emoji, we’re super concerned but we have genuinely said all we can in that letter a little over a month before, so It didn’t feel right to say it again.
March she posts her “I said yes to the dress post” with Wills mom and his two sisters. She still doesn’t have any friends up where she lives so it makes sense for her to bring his family along. She didn’t message us about it, which is fair because we hadn’t been talking. We just thought they were getting eloped, because Greta has always said she wanted something small since she isn’t super close with her family (they’re not great).
So we left it there until last week I received an invitation in the mail to their wedding. Its this September on a Monday night.
Greta and I would have to pay around $500 each in order to even go to the wedding, calculating in airfare, shared rental car, shared hotel room, and that doesn’t even include, food, gas, wedding gift, etc. The two of us are not well of financially, we both live paycheck to paycheck so it would be really hard for us to go in general not to mention that the wedding is on a Monday night, so I have to take off extra days of work that I really don’t have. Same with my best friend, were in the same industry so wen have the same days off and all of that.
And I know it took us a while to get here but would we be the assholes if we decided not to attend her wedding?
TLDR: Best friend’s ex fiance tries to kill her in past relationship, she moves on two months later, her new partner moves in with her 3 weeks after dating. We go visit her and meet him, he’s go a lot of red flags, we tell our best friend, she distances herself and gets engaged weeks later. Invites us to her wedding in September that is also on a Monday. AWTA?

boyfriend likes to call me to sleep or call me when he wakes up. he usually ends up snoring very loudly , so i either deafen, lower his volume to the point of it being so soft that its more or less a deafen, or leave the call entirely after texting him a final “goodnight”
but every time i do that, he gets really sad for the rest of the day. and he always feels like hes a horrible person for snoring despite me telling him that its something that he cannot control, and i dont consider him an awful person at all. i still love him even if i dont want to listen to his snoring.
admittedly, i do not wish to sit in call and have his snoring fill up my entire headsets (if im on the computer). he snores very loudly, and it often overpowers any games or music that im playing. even at maximum volume. turning it down to the point where i can barely hear it is what i do. but when he wakes up and finds out that i cant hear him, he gets very upset and says it makes him depressed.
ive also told him that i put my phone off of speaker mode if im calling him on my bed so that the snoring doesnt wake me up. which is has multiple times because ive tried putting it on speakers. his response was “if you snored i wouldve listened to it”. which is cool, but just because we’re a couple it doesnt mean we have to be the same at everything we do. i told him that im me and hes him. i dont want to listen to loud snoring.
its starting to drive me crazy. because im a night owl and i do my work at night. along with gaming sessions. night time is peaceful for me and forcing myself to listen to his snoring is ruining it for me. its so. loud.

So, I have been with my partner for 5 years now - we were very young when we got together and have stayed consistently in love ever since, despite the many challenges that have faced us. For reference, these challenges are mainly centered around him going out all night until early hours with no contact whatsoever and his friends taking priority at times - this only occurs when he is going through a bad time in his life and causes a huge strain on us, to the point we nearly break up.
As of right now, my partner has been informed that two members of his family with whom he is immensely close have cancer. One of the cancers is untreatable, and one has just been found. As you can imagine, my partner is distraught. The problem is that he has no idea how to deal with things healthily, and does not want to try to do so. I am well prepared for his behavior at this point, but I will never feel as though it is justified.
Since he found out last week, he has cancelled all upcoming plans with me and has gone out all night with friends, diminished contact to very minimal texts and has told me he is unsure whether he wants to stay with me, but needs his time and space. He has also stopped responding to his close family members and has been going out drinking every single day after work, instead. When he is not drinking, he is out with his friends and will not return for hours and will also not answer to anybody.
Now, I have tried to speak with him over and over about how he feels and healthy coping methods, I have offered help and support and also informed his close family members of his behavior. I have attempted to contact him and meet him. He simply will not accept this. We're barely speaking, he no longer will say 'goodnight, I love you' etc, and refuses any consolidation. I'm at a loss. We were completely fine before this, and when I do speak to him all he does is encourage me to go out so he doesn't have to see me or state that he is unsure of when he will see me because he needs his space and time.
As you can imagine, although I am devastated for him I am equally as frustrated and hurt. I'm full of anxiety and worry in case he genuinely does end it with me due to his erratic behavior and mood swings. He will not accept help or advice, even tough love. His own family have not reacted to the news as terribly, and are also struggling to deal with his reaction. Will things ever be the same or will I deal with this forever?

Hi guys. I didn’t wanna join this community again but here I am. I don’t know what to say. The whole relationship is a mess, emotional, verbal and very rarely physical . But that doesn’t mean it’s OK. He’s threatened to kick me out many times, and there were many times where I have been packing my bags to leave. But this time we actually took everything to my car, he wanted me to drive off. So this time I did. He’s been calling but I haven’t been answering them. He has been saying if I don’t have a place to say I should come back. I finally answered an hour later having a brief conversation about how my phone is going to die. It died and when it charged, this is the last text he sent me “Alright that was my last call. Have a goodnight and goodbye” When I read the text, I became nervous, I didn’t wanna lose him, it’s hard for me to think about losing him, I still love him. How do I stay the hell out of there and away from him, even though I wanna , spend every single day with him. It’s the worst feeling. When I’m away from him I still feel him here with me. I miss him, but I cannot do this anymore.
What do I do? Has anybody else been in the similar situation?

So basically, I’ve been hanging out with this guy for over a month now. I feel like we hit it off really good, we’ve been hanging out together every week, we text each other all day every day, he would compliment me all the time and send me sweet messages with hearts, tell me goodnight and good morning every day, forehead kisses and all that. So I thought he was really into me. But tonight he randomly sent me a long message about how he doesn’t think we’re going to work out “currently.” He said he feels bad because he doesn’t feel the way he should about me and doesn’t want to lead me on. He said he likes me and cares about me and doesn’t want to just never talk to me again. He said maybe we can even revisit this in the future but that he’s just not ready to jump back into a relationship yet. He said maybe we should take some time and not hang out for a bit, but that if I want to ever hang out “non-romantically” he would be down for that. I’m kinda disappointed because this just feels out of the blue and I really liked him and got my hopes up. So I guess I’m just wondering what this could mean? Should I still keep talking to him, or do you think there’s still a chance with him?

You can check my post history to see the full story, but my WP had a ONS in Vegas and now, we are starting to reconcile. (So I changed my flair! Haha)
So Saturday night, I was just feeling so, so alone. We spent every weekend together for 3.5 years and this change has been just heartbreaking. I found out I was pregnant days prior and told him over text, and he was onboard with me terminating. Right now is not the right time, especially if we want to fix this relationship.
So at 1am, I called him and he answered. We spoke from 1am to 4:30am. We talked about our entire relationship, how we feel, and just everything really. We sobbed and we laughed and it gave me hope. We briefly touched on the ONS without detail, I just needed some answers to burning questions. We agreed that we will go over that night while in CC so there is a mediator.
But gosh, it was so good to hear his voice. He was so happy to hear mine. He told me he started journaling, and was cuddling with my Snuggie/robe thing at night to help him sleep, because it smells like me. He’d say goodnight to me in his journal. I don’t know why, but that broke my heart and fixed it at the same time.
He apologized again, and this is the first time in our relationship that we were completely honest with each other. It was terrifying, and hard, but it felt good. We realized we cannot protect each other from hard emotions in order to preserve our image of each other (if that makes sense?) we realized that we would get caught up with the good things and just sweep any negative thing under the rug, big or small.
He showed me everything he needed to show me, without me asking. Apps deleted, people blocked, everything. Told me his plans on how to change his life and change himself to be the man I deserve. And I believe him. And I forgave him.
I told him that he has to do the work (self reflection, IC) in order for us to work. He has no choice if he wants me back. He agreed, and I said I will meet him halfway so I can be good for him too. He’s showed me his booked appointments, I showed him mine.
I told him I still can’t see him in person yet, because that will be way too much and he respects that. We are still low contact but we did text a bit last night, I just wanted to thank him for his honesty.
I was worried about calling him, because I was scared about how I would feel. Anger? Resentment? Complete apathy? But I felt none of those in the moment. Once I heard his voice, I knew it will be worth it to give R a try. This was step one.
I don’t know what the future looks like yet, but I am cautiously optimistic. What I do know is that I love this man, and that we are both willing to do the work.
Together or not, I just want both of us to feel happy and secure with ourselves.
Thanks for reading 💛

Sorry if this is long.
I (33) was dating a guy for a while (28) and basically things (I thought) were going well. We immediately (upon HIS request) agreed to only see one another while we get to know each other.
This guy texted me EVERY MORNING AND NIGHT, always made me feel wanted and special. Sex was great because I truly felt like I had a pure connection with someone.
FOR THE FIRST TIME, a guy asked me to be exclusive, to text him goodnight every night...and I happily did.
We joked about stuff, cuddled, texted romantic things and it was all so great.
Last week we had a bit of a spat but we worked it out. Then at dinner he kept bringing it up, so we discussed it again. When I left him, it seemed like everything was great.
He came by yesterday and he asked me what I thought about him overall, I told him I loved seeing him and want to continue, hopefully towards an eventual "official" thing.
Then he proceeds to tell me as of last week (out of a 4 month time period) He is questioning if he feels as strongly for me as he did.
He suggested we slow down (even though we only see one another once a week if that) and worst of all he said "We can still be exclusive if you want".
The way he phrased it was like all of a sudden it's my call if we want to see others. This really hurt, I asked if he wanted to see other guys and he said he wasn't sure.
I could have kept seeing him, but I told him I would rather just end things because I can not feel taken for granted. I can not keep things going if I feel like my guy is suddenly not as into me.
He said he understood and he started sobbing. I kissed him goodbye and that was that.
I honestly feel like I'm so fucking depressed about all of it. Did I do the right thing? Deep down I feel like I must have because I looked out for myself, but maybe I'm afraid I jumped the gun?

This is a very new relationship, about a month and a half long. Honestly this is very confusing for me. When we are in person, I can’t get enough of him, not in a sexual way, just his presence. I love him and love talking to him and just spending time together. He makes me laugh so hard and is incredibly sweet. But as soon as we’re away from each other (we see each other about 2-3 times a week because of school, work, and social lives out side of eachother), I don’t really feel compelled to talk to him much, and when he texts me I sometimes put off responding for a while, not because I dislike texting him, but because I don’t want to?
Don’t get me wrong, i was never the type of person to wait on texting someone because I wanted to make them jealous or anything. But whenever he texts, I just kinda ignore it and pay attention to whatever’s in front of me. I used to be very quick to respond, and it’s gotten worse as we’ve gone along. We do chat here and there, which i’m happy with (i don’t want to be the person always on their phone talking to their boyfriend), say i love you, good morning, and goodnight.
The times I feel bad are days when we’re having a conversation and i get swept up with something in person and don’t respond for hours. Then when I do he’s dry, which I understand. Couple of examples:
On friday, we had a farewell assembly for seniors who were leaving. school got out early, so me and my friends (2 other girls, 4 guys) went to starbucks, then to work on one of our cars. then i went home, crashed and didn’t wake up until almost 10. I didn’t text him the whole time, from around 9/10 am to 10 pm, and dropped off in the middle of a conversation we were having. He had also texted me during my nap. He seemed annoyed while texting that night (he was at work), but didn’t address anything.
Today, I have an off period so I got off school early. I drove home, sat and listened to music for another half hour. When I went inside I texted him telling him i’m off school and he said I was out a little early. I had said i got off earlier and was listening to music and all he said was “I see”. Then the rest of his texts were pretty dry, and he cut the conversation off short.
I feel really bad, but I don’t really want to talk about it with him until I understand why i’m doing this, because I want to give him an explanation. i’m also not 100% sure it’s an issue, because he’s a pretty laid back guy, but I do think it’s bothering him, and I want him to be happy. I just want to know why so that I can know what to look out for and change. any advice on what to do and how to address it?? or does it seem like i’m overthinking things?