Wow, where do I even start. First off, it's that weird time of year wherr tempatures are all over the place and my body ALWAYS runs hot; I always have a fan or cold air on me to compensate.
Anyways, it's Monday and Mondays are always the worst for me because I'm this evil concoction of exhausted and aroused. I have a second job on the weekends at my friend's moving company, and right now we have a job that's 4 hours away unloading a horders house. Which means I drive to the hotel in town Friday night, work all day Saturday and Sunday, then drive 4 hours back to work an additional 8 hours at my primary job.
Needless to say, by the end of business day, Monday, I am weak with exhaustion. Yet...since I've gone almost 4 days without any sexual activities, and since my girlfriend is the biggest tease known to man, I'm beyond titilated. So because I'm in the mood and my girlfriend would be over soon, I decided to surprise her.
Currently my girlfriend and I are experimenting with anal play; anal stretching to be more accurate. I've confessed to her my utter desire to have my ass used. Prior to now, we've done pegging, prostate play, and she even fisted me once. That is what led us to oversized toys and plugs; I want a gaping hole
Anywho, I'm home from work and I decide to present myself to her like a gift. I insert the biggest size on the anal dialator set for stretching (still somewhat small if you ask me), and I get in bed. It's then I realize a pair of panties draped on the edge of my computer chair. I guess I had a present myself since she knows I like panties. It was a lime green mesh or sheer thong.
Now before any of you get wild with your thoughts, my girlfriend and I are comfortable wearing each other's clothes, like whatever is lying around. We don't wear them outside the house but if we need to quickly put some clothes on to answer the door or because my roommate is home and we need snacks; we'll put on whatever is about. She'll wear my boxers, shirts, shorts etc... I'll wearing her boy shorts, pajama bottoms, and her leggings (once).
Naturally I didn't think twice about slipping her sexy little thong on. It also worked as to keep my plug in place since it doesn't have that neck on the bottom to keep it in. I'll be honest, but I won't be graphic, my business didn't fit inside this garment AT ALL. To forgo the witchhunt, I'm sizeable; both a shower and grower IYKYK. Regardless I got them where I wanted in other places, I just had to fix the front, so I get in bed and lay on my back before adjusting everything visually. I came to terms with not getting it all in but it was impressive looking nonetheless, so I waited....and waited....and waited.
I fell asleep. I must've been very tired because I can't usually sleep directly on my back but I woke up with a sliver on the duvet on my leg, sprawled out with my phone in hand. Oh yea and my roommate in my doorway seeing me in my gift-like state instead of my girlfriend. I spring out of bed only to have all of my situation fall out of my girlfriends tiny thong.
There's this long drawn-out wild west dual scenario happening where we just stand there silent. He up and downs me and all he's says is "Come on, man. What are you doing? Answer your phone" (it was on silent) and then he irritatingly leaves with a bothered energy as if I've offended him.
Him and I have our history and I know I have to talk to him. There's a difference between catching a glimpse of your nude friends vs. seeing him sexually exposed and completely vulnerable. He's also not very expressive (sexually) which is why he's lost a few relationships in the past; including my current girlfriend. Granted, he has a lot to unfold, so I'll let him be for a bit...
TL;DR: My roommate caught me in my girlfriend's thong and a butt plug in me.

I was born to two young (early 20s), mentally ill people. My mother had untreated bipolar disorder, and my father was an angry, stern asshole. I know my father was physically abused growing up. My mother is a very unreliable narrator, so I'm not sure what happened with her. My maternal grandparents seemed nice and always treated me well. From what I've heard, she was a very troubled teen. Hung out with the wrong crowd, got pregnant at 16, she would go randomly into fits of rage.
They always blamed me for the abuse, saying I was a difficult child. I talked back, and slammed doors. I was strong-headed. It would enrage them. A common scene at my home was that my mother would get upset over some perceived slight, like my bedroom was too messy. My father would come back from work (he was the sole breadwinner, my mom refused to work), would hit me, and go through my room systematically destroying everything in his path. Books, torn to shreds, stuffed animals ripped apart. I would be left to go pick up the pieces in the dumpster, crying.
I never did drugs, slept around, stole... And generally kept good grades, until I was too depressed and suicidal in high school. I just stood up to them and their treatment of me. They hated me talking back. I'd get punched, kicked, slapped, dragged down the stairs by my hair. My father would scream that he would "tame" me until my ears rang.
I was about 15-20lbs overweight as a kid. My mother was obsessed with weight and appearance - "fat cow" was an insult she'd throw around a lot. I grew up in a country and time when being an overweight girl was just about the worst thing you could do. She would discourage physical exercise, her focus was on diet. We'd go on slim fast diets together, which would never work. Later as a teen I'd live on diet coke and the occasional binge eating episode. I used Ipecac to make myself purge. I developed an eating disorder. I never got really skinny though to her great disappointment, as an adult I learned I had a thyroid autoimmune disorder.
My mother cheated on my father a lot, and made me cover up for it. Yet, they blamed me for "ruining" their marriage. They were two high-conflict personalities and would get in very nasty arguments. At 17 I messed up my back really bad, carrying heavy school books to school and back, and school was really far. I ended up in chronic pain for decades afterwards with two herniated discs.
My mother's bipolar disorder would make her a big spender on my father's working class salary. She'd go on wild spending sprees and "spoil" me with makeup or clothing to make up for the physical abuse from my father. Yet, I never saw a dentist in 18 years. I had to get so much dental work done when I got my first job and dental insurance. I always felt guilty and responsible for the abuse - if I had been more respectful, if I had been more tidy, worked harder in school, maybe this wouldn't have happened. They took no responsibility, I was just "out of control" to them. I think the worst thing I ever did was accidentally putting a scratch in the car paint getting my bike out of the garage. Other things, like refusing to wear socks in shoes. Looking back, I probably had sensory issues/autism. Socks would make my skin crawl.
I have a sister who I am also NC with. She didn't endure any abuse. She was born with a minor heart, stable defect, and my mom was really absorbed with it. They would be so careful with her. She was more docile than me. She was given so many chances. She never managed to start her own life, and still lives with my parents to this day, in her mid-thirties, with a part-time job. I don't think she's ever had a romantic relationship or any of the milestones adults usually go through.
I recently reconnected with my godmother after going NC with my parents. My parents would also keep me from other family members, usually over some drama they'd instigate. My godmother told me I was a colicky baby. My mother had psychotic episodes, hearing voices and screams, and postpartum depression after having me. I had to be weaned pretty fast as a result, and dairy formula hurt my tummy. I'd cry for hours. They would shake me and scream in my face.
A baby is just a baby. You can't hold them responsible for being a "difficult" child. A lot of my shame and self-blame evaporated upon learning of this. I'm doing pretty good now. I left home early (honestly thought they would end up killing me, either by hitting me or pushing me to suicide). I got into, then left a toxic marriage, went to therapy, did EMDR, went on SSRIs, put myself through college, bought my own place, and met a wonderful partner who is the best man I know. I just sometimes ache for what could have been, and for the fact it took me two decades of struggling to get there. I could have gone so much further in life with the proper support, but I was chronically burned out.
I got a lot of plastic surgery to not physically look like my mother and because I was pretty homely. I was bullied a lot over my looks. I had wild swings in weight too, which wrecked my body early. I realize that's crazy, but I'm happy I did it. I stopped at a reasonable point, and am happy with the improved quality of life it brought me.
Anyway, just getting this off my chest. I made it, but at what cost.

I am 26F, 5'2" and 140 pounds. About 3 weeks ago I started suffering from unexplained and honestly hard to describe aches and pains. The best way to describe the physical sensation would be like the pain of DOMS but less "shrill", sore but not downright painful the majority of the time.
Usually, the pain is mostly absent in the morning. It worsens during the day, sometimes at random and sometimes following physical activity. The worsening of the pain seems to be especially acute in those muscle areas I've utilized more during the day. For example:

• If I've been walking a lot it especially affects my knees and my ankle, with a dull pain that radiates into the thighs and into the feet
• If I've been carrying heavy objects it affects my upper arms, which become not just sore but weak to the point it becomes hard to even hold up my phone
• If I've been standing for a long time it affects my shoulders and my lumbar region

The muscle weakness is honestly the weirdest thing. For example, yesterday I carried a LEGO set for my niece for about a mile. It was extremely hard to carry, and in my mind I thought it might be as heavy as 20 or even 30 pounds. I came home and weighted it on a baby scale, and lo and behold it was only 8 pounds. But honestly these random bouts of muscle weakness where objects feel much, much heavier than they really are have been going on for a while. Obviously contrasted by times where objects feel normally heavy.
I wonder if I should see a doctor about this. In case I do, can someone please suggest how to best describe this pain to make myself understood, as I'm not the most articulate person.

Hi everyone! I’m new to meditating (~2 months) and have been scouring the internet for days for help with something that has just come up for me.
When I meditate, I get a tingling/itchy “pins and needles” sensation in my lower back, sometimes with a tightness in my chest. While this usually passes, the last few days the “itch” has spread to my entire body and I turn into human-shaped TV static. The only way it subsides is if I move and/or clench my muscles; sometimes my back or legs will twitch involuntarily to relieve the intensity. I’ve tried to let it pass on its own, but it’s getting to a point now where it can be painful and overwhelming.
Has anyone experienced this? Am I doing something wrong? I really want to keep meditating but this is driving me nuts!

Hi. So, for context, I'm a younger millenial who decided to go back to college at the age of 27. My very first university experience was horrible and it took years to gather the courage to try again. I applied to both a different school and a different degree than the previous time, and I love it. The environment at the other school, a large public one, was cold, competitive and isolating. I stayed there way longer then I ever should've, because of how ingrained in me it was that any college degree is important and once you start one, you should stick it out. Except I really did feel that degree in particular was useless, with not that many work oppurtunities and a toxic, soul-sucking environment.
Now, I've joined a smaller private university, which is well ranked internationally and to study a subject that I'm genuinely passionate about.
The one issue with private universities in my country is that their standards on admission are very low. The teachers are still amazing and very fair, and although they do go a little easier on us that at my former school, they still grade you according to the grade you deserve (basically just because its easy to get in, doesn't mean it's easy to get out). So yes, there is a bit of a stigma where I'm from that, in private universities, you pay to get in and aren't actually smart or deserving (yet another reason why it took me so long to gather up the courage to take the leap and apply). But once, you're in, everybody's paying the same, and everybody is treated the same.
I do think a lot of my classmates' behaviour can be attributed to this - they weren't good students before, they've never really built the work ethic my very strict and very honest mother raised me with (and which a lot of my own millenial classmates in ''high school'' - secondary school here - also didn't have). A lot of them genuinely do not want to be here, and have said so. Their parents are paying and they come because ''they're made to''. For even more context, this school's tuition is about 3, maybe even 4 times now with inflation, the amount you would pay for a public university education - it isn't like the United States, it doesn't cost so much that people go into debt for years, but it is still a lot of money to come up with.
Aside from a few older students, and one or two who are around my age, most of them will have been born at around 2003 and 2004, plus a couple people who were 20 when we started first year.
A significant amount of them are extremely poorly behaved and disrespectful to our teachers. They can get extremely loud to the point several teachers have lost their patience and told them off (kinda the way it used to happen when I was in 8th grade, about a million years ago). It got to the point where I genuinely considered bringing earplugs to wear in the classes that took place in the anfitheaters, where the echo makes it genuinely painful to have that must noise.
A few of them either have been caught cheating, or have openly admited that they cheat. It has been reinforced again and again since week one how important it is that everybody in this program knows english, because in our area, all cientific papers must always be published in english, regardless of what country the study originated from. To facilitate things, an english class was added to our first year...which people regularly didn't show up to, a few of them have failed several times and have not made even the slightest effort to learn, resorting instead to automated translation softwares, which are very unreliable and more often than not will not convey the information correctly. This part confuses me greatly, because so much of the media people consume in this country is not dubbed. Shows, movies, music and so much stuff available for free on youtube is in english. That's how I myself learned. Except they don't seem to even want to try.
I've had several nightmare group projects experiences, to the point where even my therapist has agreed with me that I'm better off doing my work alone whenever I have the chance, because this isn't benificial socialization and it's hindering me and stressing me out more than it is building any skills. I had one girl disappear from a large period of time and then text me one week before the due date asking what the project was about (we had talked about it in person and I had emailed her several articles I found and had even told her to pick one to highlight).
When it was time to do the presentation, I told her to read carefully the parts of the source material that explained in more depth the things she was supposed to cover in her turn to speak. Instead, she read directly from the slides, and even read it wrong (said ''resposability'' instead of ''responsivity''). When the teacher asked her questions, she straight up didn't know.
Recently, two people I was doing a group project with tried to hire me to plagirize a report for them and we got into a fight that basically led me to strom out of a group project for the first time in my life and ask the teacher to grade me individually (she's amazing and was very accomodating and understanding). Found out the only reason those two wanted to work with me in the first place was because they were using me for grades, because I usually do super well in research projects and end up having high grades, which in a group project will bump up their own grades and let them barely pass the class. One simple conversation with them made quite clear they didn't actually understand the article we were supposed to be analyzing at all and I simply got fed up.
Now, earlier today, I was in the library, revising for a test I had and someone had stuck chewing gum on the bottom of the chair I was sitting in and now I have a huge white stain on my leggings that I can't get off.
That was kinda the final straw for me, because, not even back when I was in school, in 1st to 12th grade did this ever happen to me...
I'm sorry, but I really needed to vent...I really want to believe that not everyone is like this, but they have really been testing my patience lately.

So, to give context; On Wednesday, I went to the doctor’s and I was there for about 2 hours and a half. I had a fever, was throwing up, etc. The doctors just gave me nausea medication. Then, I spent another hour waiting for my medication to be given to me. After that I spent 30 minutes waiting for the bus to arrive. At this point I’m bound to look homeless. (which really wasn’t the case at all, since I had a hoodie and was literally covering every inch of me) I was shaking, tired, hurting from a fever (it was pretty bad, that night I dreamed I was a wizard creating cubes of magic 😐 in the dark) and It was cold, REALLY cold. Finally- my bus arrived and I took my seat.
Immediately after, I was feeling sleepy but you got me F’d up if you think I’m going to sleep on a bus as a teenage girl. Listen, I was struggling. Every other second I’d wake up and go back to sleep. I never slept longer than 3 seconds.
Anyways, this is where the actual story begins. During one of my wake-ups, this lady was leaning over to me, I couldn’t see her face because I was wearing a hoodie. Since she was so close to me, I quickly grabbed my bag and lifted my hoodie. I thought she wanted to sit next to me because there were no other spaces. However, I saw that she quickly rushed to the back. I just shrugged it off but then I started to hear them talking about me. (For context, I’m Hispanic. I speak and write Spanish but I look white). Let’s called these two 1 and 2. 1, being 2’s friend- and 2 being the lady I looked at.
1 asks 2 if I looked at her, to which she responds that I did and she could tell I was on drugs. (Mind you they are speaking Spanish) Yo, when I tell you I had to physically hold my head in place to not snap and look at them- it’s an understatement. However, I was tired, running high on a fever, etc. So, I just texted my friends about these ladies as they continued to talk amongst one another about me. They kinda started talking more quietly at some point so I couldn’t hear anymore. BY SOME FREAKING MIRACLE, 1 GOT OFF AT THE SAME STOP I DID. I didn’t know what she looked like but I knew her voice and right before she got off she was saying bye to 2. Another two things that gave me a clue of who she was were also because when I got off, she looked at me, she had a disgusted face. And I, like a sassy teenager looked at her up and down and scoffed. 3rd clue being that every time I crossed the street she crossed to the street opposite of me. However- I wasn’t done.
I got an Idea, so I called the same friends I was texting earlier and thankfully they answered. I put them on loudspeaker and very loudly I started to talk in Spanish about the two old hags that had the nerve to judge people. I knew the lady heard cause I wasn’t being quiet. At all. And I know she doesn’t mind her own business. Basically, I was stating loudly how I was in the hospital for 4 hours and oh how dare people have the nerve to judge others etc, etc. Midway through this, I crossed the street to be in front of her and I basically started tearing her up on the phone (not really, I’m not that mean) but I could tell she felt guilty cause she stopped crossing the street. Then, I got home and my mom ‘yelled’ at me for not saying anything during the bus ride. 🤷‍♀️
Anyways, I know this isn’t a true petty revenge but I’ll probably be back when this happens again, but with more juicier revenge.
Edit to add: YA’LL I FORGOT A VERY IMPORTANT DETAIL. I was on my period during this. So not only was I sick with something ‘severe’, I was bleeding and sensitive. Bro, why can’t I suffer from one thing? I got to suffer from two?!😭
TL:DR: I was sick and sleepy and these old ladies started saying I was on drugs, coincidentally one of the two left on the stop I did so I called my friends and stalked talking shit back.

I'm pretty sure I'm stuck in a messed up, narcissistic relationship. Feeling drained and trapped, I don't know how to bail without going through a world of pain while trying to get my stuff back from his house. Every time I try, I end up staying, even though I know he's toxic.
He started cheating on me right from the get-go, and we've only been together for six months. When I called him out, he twisted it around, making me feel like I'm the one with issues and calling me problematic because I kept noticing things and had gut feelings. We kept arguing without me knowing he was cheating. When I found out about his cheating, he told me he was waiting for us to fight so much that we'd break up, and he didn't want me to find out and remember him that way.
Now he's given me access to his house cameras, but disappears for hours, leaving me anxious. I don't like that because in the screenshots messages I got from his side chick, he invites her to meet in his truck. And when I ask for reassurance, he snaps back with, "You're the one choosing to stick around," which just messes with my head.
During arguments about breaking up, he smirks, talking about how he'll have more space in his bedroom without me. He even admits he's unhappy because we argue so much. He constantly compared me with his exes and told me he never fought so much with any of them, and "we just don’t get along', which also messes with my head. Even though he admits he has a cheating problem and he cheated on most of them, it's like he's telling me I'm not as good at handling his toxic behavior as his exes were, or maybe I'm just better at noticing it. Now he's also starting to make comments about what he would do to make my body better and suggesting he would pay for the surgeries, etc., which makes me think he's either attached or talking to someone who has these features. They always tell on themselves so often without even noticing.
I'm furious and feeling totally isolated, struggling to break free from this toxic cycle. He pulled me in, only to tear me apart. Any tips on how to start getting out of this mess? I need to start somewhere, but I feel completely overwhelmed and lack the strength and mental capacity to do so. I want to find the easiest way for me to handle this because I know that if I try to go cold turkey, I won't have the resilience to get through it without causing more harm.

I’m having a rough time and getting panic attacks pretty much every day, especially at night. It’s hard to sleep and it’s quite fitful.
Today and two days ago I’ve woken up with pain and tension in the centre of my chest. When I press on the small spot it feels tender like a bruise. I can take a deep breath and no pain, breathing is completely fine. It only hurts when I move certain ways, like lifting myself from sitting - which is why I feel like it’s muscular.
It hurts the worst in the morning and then gets better. I didn’t have it yesterday, which is interesting because I didn’t have panic yesterday until going to bed last night, and that pattern holds true for when I had it two days ago.
I know chest pain shouldn’t be taken lightly, but it really doesn’t feel like anything serious, I’ve googled what the concerning symptoms are so I know what to look for. But I still have anxiety about the whole thing, which probably isn’t helping.
My therapist has been on vacation and is getting back next week so I hope I start getting better once I see her again.

We're finishing off the C heroes today, and it's a big one! Like I said back in my Axe writeup, there are some heroes Valve likes to feature more than others, and this lovely lady's one of their favorites. Today's hero is Rylai, the Crystal Maiden!

Able to keep her allies supplied with mana as she slows down enemies to ensure a kill, Crystal Maiden is a helpful addition to any team. And, when the opportunity arises, she can unleash her massive ultimate ability to devastate her foes.

Official website page.
Dota 2 Wiki page.
Attribute: Intelligence
Canon Alignment: Radiant
Official lore:

Born in a temperate realm, raised with her fiery older sister Lina, Rylai the Crystal Maiden soon found that her innate elemental affinity to ice created trouble for all those around her. Wellsprings and mountain rivers froze in moments if she stopped to rest nearby; ripening crops were bitten by frost, and fruiting orchards turned to mazes of ice and came crashing down, spoiled. When their exasperated parents packed Lina off to the equator, Rylai found herself banished to the cold northern realm of Icewrack, where she was taken in by an Ice Wizard who had carved himself a hermitage at the crown of the Blueheart Glacier. After long study, the wizard pronounced her ready for solitary practice and left her to take his place, descending into the glacier to hibernate for a thousand years. Her mastery of the Frozen Arts has only deepened since that time, and now her skills are unmatched.

Artifact lore:

'Warden of Icewrack.' It's a fancy title. In theory it means I'm responsible for maintaining law and order, collaborating with the Sapphire Conclave on magical crimes, and protecting the weak from all manners of nasty things. In practice I help farmers fix fences. So I decided to go on a little sabbatical. Besides... I couldn't stay in Icewrack. It's cold. It's boring. And I heard my sister was planning on visiting so I definitely had to get the hell outta there.

Arcana lore:

Some say the garment began as the wedding gown of an ancient queen. Others say it was once a battle cloak of a frost ogre. In truth, the enchanted fabric is as malleable as an avalanche, and can mold itself into various forms. This form has attracted a lone wolf pup, who has now become a hardy and loyal companion.

Persona lore:

Only the strongest of mages can endure the teachings that unlock the hidden powers of the Blueheart. Those who dare try have but one choice of master — an ageless avatar whose very first lesson is that success earns only obligation, and failure opens the door to a lonely death.

Voice actors:
Crystal Maiden has not one, but four different voice actors! In Dota 2 and Dota Underlords, she's voiced by Gin Hammond, who also voices Drow Ranger, Enchantress, Mirana, Phantom Assassin, Spectre, and Vengeful Spirit.
In Artifact, Crystal Maiden is voiced by Melanie Minichino. It's unclear why Gin Hammond didn't reprise the role, as she did for all her other relevant heroes in Artifact.
The Conduit of the Bluehart Persona is voiced by Keri Tombazian.
Finally, in Dota: Dragon's Blood she was voiced by Julie Nathanson.
...And I guess technically SirActionSlacks played her. Let's not count that.
Other appearances:

• Crystal Maiden appears as a Blue hero (Path of the Wise) in both Artifact Classic and Artifact Foundry, with Frostbite as her signature card in both versions.
• Appears as a Tier One hero in Dota Underlords, with the Human and Mage alliances.
• Crystal Maiden starred in the comic The New Neighbors, where she met Winter Wyvern and received her arcana.
• Made a brief cameo arguing with Lina in The Sundered Moon.
• Ran with the Year Beast in the New Bloom 2015 trailer.
• Fights with Lina in the original Gamescom trailer.
• And finally, plays a recurring role in the second season of Dota: Dragon's Blood.

Other notes:

• Crystal Maiden and Lina are sisters. They don't like each other very much.
• Crystal Maiden is from Icewrack, the same region as Tusk and Winter Wyvern. She and Tusk were apparently childhood friends, while she'd meet Winter Wyvern later in life and receive her arcana from her hoard.
• She seems to have a crush on Sven.
• Her Dota 1 model was Jaina Proudmoore.

I recently adopted cats for the first time in over a decade. They are both from the shelter and have active feline herpes infections. I grew up in the country in Europe, and we kept two cats when I was a kid. All the cats kept in the rural area where I lived drank cow's milk. Farmers would feed the cats milk. Non-farmers would. My family did. And there was no one to tell us about how cow's milk is bad for cats. Generally, my cats from back then had a much healthier diet comprised of a range of organ and other meats that I would cook for them. These rural cats were healthy AF, and lived long healthy lives. I never even heard of upper respiratory infections in cats back then. So I decided to feed my recently adopted cats whole lactose free milk (that's what I drink and since they lost the enzyme, I assume lactose free is all they can handle). They love it, they have no gastro-intestinal issues from it. In fact, one of the cats had frequent diarrhea from about anything except one commercial cat food, and that has resolved. And the symptoms of upper respiratory infection in both cats have declined significantly because, I assume, milk is high in l-lysine. I wonder whether the whole not feeding cats cow's milk is a myth. I looked up whether is any research on this subject, and I couldn't find any.

I have been dealing with these canker sores for over a year. Seen a bunch of doctors, one suggested Behcet’s, but I don’t have all the symptoms. The cold makes them worse (either AC in the summer or cold air in the winter), I also just had a tonsillectomy but now that I’m starting to recover from the surgery, the sores came back. I’m starting to think it might be some type of food allergy but can’t find anything similar to it online. I also have juvinile arthritis, but I’m in remission. 21 years old and tired of being in pain all the time (no meds of mouthwash has really worked yet) Does anyone have any idea of what this could be? Thanks! (They started only on the left side, now they come out on both sides of my mouth and throat)

Have you ever experienced something that shook you to your very core? Something that makes you remember every single little detail of your surroundings from that moment in time? Even years after? I can remember so vividly the moment I realized something was wrong with me. I was in my junior year of high school sitting in class, just like any other day. I remember the smell of erasers and cheap cologne that permeated off my classmate who sat next to me. I remember the scratchy tag on my t-shirt and how I was resisting taking it off in the middle of class just to cut it off. I remember what my teacher, Mrs. Brown, was talking about; 'the fall of Constantinople'. My mouth felt dry and I kept looking at the clock, counting down the minutes until I had lunch so I could get a soda. The sound of a pen clicking behind me was synchronized with the song that was stuck in my head.
All those things were going through my brain at once. My ADHD mind went a million miles per minute when it all came down to a cashing holt when I felt it at 11:23
I felt what I can only describe as a hand grabbing at the inner lining of my stomach. It didn't necessarily hurt, not at this point. That's not why I got so scared. You see, not only do I have ADHD. I also have OCD that manifests itself in the fear of anything growing or moving inside me. Even if I think about the concept of blood moving in my body or a heart that is beating in my chest, I have to think of something else. I've had full-blown panic attacks because of it. The closest term for this is 'Tokophobia'. That's technically the fear of pregnancy. I'm a guy, so it's not completely accurate but it's really the closest term. I mean, I also do have a huge fear of pregnancy. Not necessarily of me being pregnant, but even though I knew I could never get pregnant, the thought of it still made me feel sick
I bet you can imagine the terror that overcame me as I felt something moving in me. I made an audible groan and grabbed my stomach. My whole class turned to look at me. even my teacher stopped talking to ask if I was okay. I stood up and started to run to the nurses' office without even acknowledging my teacher. My first thought wasn't thinking that something was actually in my body. Even stomach aches and the feeling of gurgling in my stomach made me feel this way before. I didn't have anything on hand to help with a stomach ache, unfortunately. However, the nurse always did.
I sprinted across the school hoping and praying that my stomach wouldn't make that awful feeling again before I got there.
I turned the corner into the nurses' office with my tennis shoes squeaking in the process. I saw the school nurse, Mrs. Kennedy sitting on the couch in her office reading a magazine. She looked up at me with a sweet smile that quickly turned into worry.
"Sam, what is it? How can I help?" She said as she stood up and hurried over to me. Putting her hand over mine which was grabbing my stomach tightly.
"It's…It's my stomach. Something is wrong with it." I mumbled with a red face.
She shuffled her way over to her large medicine cabinet and she motioned for me to sit down.
She asked me questions about my stomach. Asking if it was pain, grumbling, cramps, nausea, etc. As she was asking me what my symptoms were and digging through bottles, The feeling happened again. However, this time was different. It felt like fingers grassing against the inside of my body. I screamed and wrapped my arms around my torso. Mrs. Kenneddy ran over to me to comfort me.
"This seems a lot worse than normal, maybe we should call your parents." She said as she put her hand on my back.
It felt like some days I saw Mrs. Kennedy more than my teachers. Any small ailment would distract me so badly from class that I had to go see her. Sometimes multiple times a day. She knew at this point when something was really wrong.
Within about 30 minutes both my parents were there with us. That may seem fast, but I'm an only child and my parents are very aware of my tendencies. They know I can spiral and like to be around if it happens.
They kept asking me where the pain was. I think they assumed by the way I wasn't responding to their questions the pain must've been really bad. The reality was that I just didn't know how to tell them what was going on.
I got so frustrated after they asked me over and over again that I just yelled at them.
"Something is inside me! Get it out, get it out, get it out!" I lifted my shirt and was ripping at my stomach. Leaving red nail scratches and cuts. My mom and dad ran to either side of me to grab my arms. Mrs. Kennedy had seen me go pretty crazy, but this was the worst I've ever gotten in front of her. My parents however had seen a similar situation before. Not exactly like this, but they didn't skip a beat on trying to help me.
"Sam. Breath, sweety. Just remember everything is in you for a reason. It's keeping you alive. Nothing is going to hurt you." My mom said softly to me. Trying to calm me down with the words my therapist gave her. "Ice cubes, get him ice cubes!" She said to Mrs. Kennedy as I started to hyperventilate.
Mrs. Kennedy grabbed a ziplock bag and started to fill it with ice cubes. My mom went over to her and grabbed an ice cube right out of the bag, opened up my hand, and put the ice cube in it. This worked in the past to distract me, I knew that's what she was doing, and trust me. I wanted it to work too, but this was different. I kept trying to tell myself that it was just a different feeling I hadn't felt before. That it wasn't possible something was physically inside my body. But I couldn't help it.
Everyone in the room could see that this was getting intense. I think they assumed it was just a mental breakdown and that nothing was physically wrong with my body but I didn't care. I just wanted help.
My parents got me into the car with my mom even sitting in the backseat with me. She kept trying to distract me with conversation but my mind was only on that awful feeling in my stomach.
We pulled up to the ER and my mom guided me in while holding both my wrists. It felt like she was walking me on a leash but I didn't fight it. I knew she was just trying to stop me from scratching my stomach.
We walked in and I spoke to the receptionist. All I said was that I had terrible pain in my stomach. I didn't want to sound too crazy. I just needed a doctor to look at whatever was going on.
After giving the receptionist my name and insurance information we went to sit down. I was sitting in between my parents and I could see my mom lean back to try and mouth something to my dad without me seeing. I didn't think much of it. I was way more worried about other things.
My dad then went up to the receptionist. He pointed over to me and she looked a little concerned. I saw her pick up the clipboard that had my information on it and she started writing something else on it. I asked my dad what he did and he just said to not worry and that he wanted to let her know it was urgent.
No more than 10 minutes went by and I felt a terrible moving sensation. I cringed and grabbed my stomach. Immediately followed by not just the feeling of a hand grabbing my insides but also scratching and pinching. I yelled out in pain as the other people in the waiting room looked at me mortified.
A doctor and a couple of nurses came running over to me and helped me up. But I couldn't stand up. I was in too much pain. They put me in a wheelchair and started to head for a room. However, they didn't take me through the normal big ER doors that went to the standard examination rooms, they took me and my parents through a smaller door to the side that had a padlock on it.
We walked through a white hallway that was very quiet. The doctor and nurses showed us to my room and helped me into my bed as I was wiggling and wincing. I had one parent on either side of me. Patiently waited to stop my arms from scratching.
The doctor was trying to ask further questions but he could tell it wasn't going anywhere. I knew that my dad probably told that receptionist about my OCD tendencies and that I needed to go to the psych ward. Not just to the stranded side of the ER.
I couldn't take it anymore and blurted out that something was inside my stomach and it was trying to get out.
The doctor just looked at my parents for a reaction and they gave him a sad nod. It was like they warned him that this could happen. The doctor didn't just think I was crazy, my parents did too. The doctor took a deep breath and came up to me. I knew I was about to hear some kind of dumb speech about how this was just my OCD and everything was going to be okay.
As he came closer to me, I pulled up my shirt and he gasped. Not only was my stomach scratched up like crazy, but we saw movement. It looked like when a pregnant woman can see her baby kicking. But this was so much stronger. It was stretching my skin.
My parents stood up and gasped while the doctor looked frantic and unprepared.
"Shit, shit, shit, shit!" The doctor said as he backed out of the room. "Hang on! We are getting this taken care of, just hang tight."
Just seconds later a nurse came in to give me some painkillers. I started to feel the pain slip away, but something so much worse started to creep in. I heard a voice. Not my own. Not some creepy-sounding creature, but the voice of a normal-sounding man that I'd never heard before. But that wasn't the scary part. The scary part was what he was saying to me.
"Get me out. Get me out. Get me out!"
It started in a normal tone, but slowly became more urgent and rushed. Then demanding.
The voice would coincide with the moment inside me.
It was getting so loud that I was having a hard time hearing the people around me. The doctor came in just a few minutes after I last saw him. He was red and sweaty. Like he'd just run a marathon. He told me they needed to do just a few tests on what was inside me before taking action.
I was trying so hard to pay attention to the words coming out of his mouth but all I could hear was the voice. The voice stopped for just a second and changed what he was saying. Now he started repeating,
"Cut me out, cut me out, cut me out, now!" I now knew this thing didn't just want out but it wanted out now. I begged the doctor to just get it out now but he wouldn't listen. The voice spoke up again.
"This is taking too long. Don't be afraid. Get me out yourself."
I think it could feel me resisting. Without realizing it, I was looking around the room for something. It was like I didn't even have control over my head or eyes anymore. I knew the voice was looking for a knife but I was trying to ignore the feeling. I knew there weren't any knives around. I was in a very safe place.
Just as I had the feeling I was safe, it was immediately taken away. The thought passed through my head that my dad probably had a pocket knife on him. My heart sank. I knew this thing could hear my thoughts. I knew what it would try to do.
The next thing I knew, I was on my feet, leaping for my dad. My body hit his. luckily, he's in pretty good shape for his age and had no problems putting me in my place.
He got on top of me and pinned me to the ground. All while I could barely hear my mom in the background. Yelling at my dad to be careful. My dad knew something was going on and that I just needed to be on the ground until I calmed down.
My body tried to flail but it wasn't successful. The whole time the voice in my head, now yelling and screaming. Not saying any distinguishable words, but just having what felt like a tantrum. What made my dad the most uncomfortable was the kicking feeling coming from my stomach.
After a couple of minutes, the voice calmed down and I felt in charge of my body again. My dad slowly got up and attempted to help me up. At this point with an audience of hospital staff that looked like they were getting ready to take me somewhere for more tests.
Just as I stood up straight, I felt the voice take over and I lost all sense of my own body. I felt like a shell of myself. My dad gave me a soft yet worried smile, and in that instance, I grabbed him and reached into his pocket. My heart sank as I felt his pocket knife. The room started to panic and about 5 people tried to grab it from me. The last thing I remember is plunging the knife into my stomach. I felt a blinding pain and everything went black.
Several hours later I started to wake up. Everything was extremely blurry and fuzzy. I could hear a very faint voice telling me to relax. As the minutes passed by, things started to become a little bit clearer. I looked around and saw I was in a large room with a few other patients. A nurse was going up to all the beds and checking in on them. I tried to sit up a bit to get more comfortable and noticed an incredible sourness in my stomach. I moved my hospital gown out of the way and saw a huge scare. About 6" across. Most of the scare looked very surgical. Like what I'd imagine a c-section surgery would look like. Except where I remembered the knife going in. It looked like a bunch of extra stitches had to be added where it went in. It also looked pretty bruised. I can imagine that a dull 10-year-old knife that was harshly shoved into a body really wouldn't cleanly cut through and leave some damage.
The feeling of shock from looking at my stomach was quickly gone when I realized that meant whatever was in me was now gone. I didn't hear the voice, I didn't feel a hand in my gut anymore, I didn't see that vile kicking anymore. I felt like I could breathe.
I asked the nurse what they found and she looked flush.
"Uh, that's something that you, uh. Your doctor will talk with you once you eat something and can speak clearly." She said as she scurried off looking upset.
Shortly after that, I was wheeled into a recovery room and my parents came to see me.
As they walked in they had a very similar look on their faces as the nurse did. They looked pale and didn't want to look me in the eye. I kept asking them questions about what was going on but they said the doctor needed to discuss it with me and he wanted to make sure I wasn't feeling high from the anesthesia while we had a conversation.
The doctor didn't come and see me for another 10 hours. Which felt strange. And to add to the strangeness, my parents were taking shifts hanging out with me. There was only overlap when they switched and the other parent took over while the other one left the room. I would understand if they weren't both with me for the whole time. I'm not that needy, but they were only both in my room together for about an hour. That was the hour before the doctor came to my room.
Finally, the doctor came in to talk to me. When he walked in, the room was cold and quiet. It was evident he didn't feel the same relief I was feeling.
He seemed awkward. Like he was talking way too long to get over to me. He grabbed a chair and scooted it close to me.
"Listen Sam. I know this last 24 hours has been very challenging. I apologize for not explaining what happened during your surgery sooner, but we all needed time to figure it out, and quite frankly, process what happened. We feel we have enough information to let you in on what is going on." A silence filled the room. It felt like no one was brave enough to break it.
"And?" I said with confusion.
"I think it'll be easier if we just show you."
The doctor along with my parents helped me into a wheelchair and we started to make our way across the hospital to an entirely different section. I couldn't believe all the things running through my head at what we were about to see. It felt like cruel and unusual punishment to leave me in anticipation and not just tell me what I was about to see.
When I went around the corner I couldn't process what I was looking at. I thought they were showing me a large tumor or growth of some kind, but why would a tumor be in a big incubation chamber with tubes connected to IVs and machines coming out of it?
As I got closer, I started to see human fetchers on it. It was mostly just a 6-pound lump of flesh, but I could see a hand sticking out of it. It was small, but what made it creepy was it looked like a fully developed man's hand. Just small. I could see a patch of hair coming out of what I assumed was its head. It had no discernible facial features. Just a few teeth scattered in one section.
As I looked at it with disgust, coming to terms with this thing that was just in my body, I had a realization. I wasn't feeling sick at the thought of something being in my body. Sure, I was grossed out that this particular thing was just in me, but the thought of the bacteria in my body didn't make me want to throw up. I thought about all the blood pumping through my veins and I felt… normal. Not only was the voice and kicking gone. But my OCD was gone too. I didn't have a mental illness. It was just this thing. Trying to find its way out for years.
As I was staring at the creature, the doctor came and put his hand on my shoulder.
"We believe this is your twin brother." I immediately looked up at my parents who looked very disturbed and upset. I let the doctor finish talking. "We believe that you absorbed him in the womb and that he has been living inside you your whole life. This is an extremely rare condition called fetus-in-fetu. It seems he didn't quite have the best opportunity to develop normally. That's why he looks the way he does. Despite his appearance, he has all the organs he needs to survive. Looks like he's missing a lung and his gallbladder. Also a piece of his liver but other than that, it looks like he will live for at least a few years. He won't be able to leave this room due to him needing a feeding tube and a few other things that his body can not do on its own. He needs lots of support just to live. What makes this situation extremely unique is that your twin is still alive despite your body not sustaining him anymore. Even though we have him hooked up to a few IVs and machines, It is unexplainable how he is living while outside of your body."
I was in complete shock. I didn't want to believe it. I asked my mom why she never told me I absorbed my twin in the womb, she said she had no clue. There was never a sign when she was pregnant with me.
He also mentioned that sometimes even in pregnancies women will go their whole pregnancy without even getting a belly. It's called a 'Cryptic pregnancy'. I've always had a bit of a gut but never anything big enough to cause suspicion. I guess in my case I had a fetus-fetu and an experience similar to a cryptic pregnancy. Even though it was in my stomach. At least that was the doctor's best guess. Although, it all sounded like BS to me.
The doctor and my parents kept trying to explain more and more details to me. I don't know why they didn't slow down a little bit for my sake. How could they not tell I wasn't processing any of this?
I noticed something while they were trying to explain things to me. They kept calling it a 'He'.
Now listen. I'm not some kind of asshole that won't respect someone who wants to be called a specific pronoun. I've never been that kind of person. But this is where I draw the line.
Not just that. But this thing had a name. My parents named it and said today was its birthday. While they told me all this information, they didn't look happy about it. It seemed like they were forced to do all this nonsense. And now it was my turn to be convinced. I could tell they were trying to force it.
The doctor told me despite it not having a high probability for a long life that we should still try and give it the love it deserves. Of course, the doctor referred to it as a 'He' but I refused to.
This disgusted me. This thing tried to kill me and ruined my quality of life for so long, and now we are going to treat it like it's some kind of prince? No, absolutely not.
Luckily, it seemed like it would never leave the hospital, but my parents planned on going to visit it daily. Visiting it? Are you kidding me? it has no eyes, no ears, it's probably miserable and has no concept of people even being around it.
I'm refusing to ever see this thing again or acknowledge its existence again.
I could get in trouble for even talking about this. The hospital or anyone involved has signed NDAs to not share any information about this until it officially dies. This is because it's a medical anomaly and the first of its kind. They want to do the proper research on how this all occurred before coming out with a statement. I just have to get this all off my chest. I feel like I'm the crazy one here when I know I'm not. I don't care if I get in trouble.
I am scared that the doctors are trying to force my parents into giving this thing a proper life. I think that's why it took them so long to tell me. I think they scared my parents into keeping it alive and guilting them or even forcing them into being its parent.
I'm all for every life being important and all that stuff, but I have a feeling my parents are terrified of this thing just like I am.
I am convinced they gaslit my parents into believing this thing is my brother. If there wasn't any sign of him while my mom was pregnant with me, could this thing be something else?
This all happened about two years ago. It's still alive and they are still researching it. My parents continue to visit it despite everything. My therapist told me that I'm probably just struggling with jealousy now that I'm not an only child anymore and so much of my parents' attention is on him now, but it's so much bigger than just jealousy.
Since this thing showed up and my OCD is pretty much gone, I've hardly seen my parents. I know I'm not just jealous. There is something more to this. I know it.
Something just feels so off about this whole thing. What is this thing? Where did it come from? And what does it want?

Beryl Videntis was a simple man. His father had been the third son of a minor noble and his mother a commoner. He had inherited no noble title, yet his life was still far better than that of the average commoner.
He had inherited a small fortune after his fathers unfortunate passing. It had done only little to soothe the pain back then, yet now that it had allowed him to finance a life for his family, he had become very grateful for it.
A small smile fell onto Beryls lips as he thought about them. His mother, who despite her advanced age was healthy as she had always been, his son, who was the light of his life and his beloved wife, pregnant with their second child.
The rays of the setting sun fell onto Beryls face, as he continued to walk through the city streets, steadily making his way home. His smile grew a bit wider. He had always loved the sun. Even as a child, he would spend every summer day plying in the sun.
He especially enjoyed the rare occasion on which he and his parents had visited the ocean. He had build sand castles worthy of the queen herself in those days.
„AHHHHHH!“
Suddenly, a woman's cry filled the streets, yet there was no one other than Beryl around to hear it. Without a second of hesitation, he took his walking cane into hand and ran towards the source of the sound.
„HEEEELLLLP!“
Another cry! Beryl turned his head towards the direction it had come. It seemed the sound had come from a nearby alleyway. As Beryl crossed the corner into the allay, he was confronted with a sight he did not expect.
He would have expected to see an ongoing robbery, assault or even just an accident, but not this. The woman in front of him…Was completely fine. In fact she was smiling, her crimson red eyes filled with an unsettling amount of glee.
Beryl had never met this woman before, so her next words, spoken in a melodic, yet haunting voice, shocked him.
„Hello…My love~"

I am so fucking over being exhausted all the time. From the second I wake up to the second I go to bed. And getting the constant advice of “well have you eaten healthy food and had water?” and “did you exercise? You'll feel better if you exercise.” It does not seem to matter how much I eat and when. It doesn't seem to matter if I'm hydrated or not. It doesn't matter if I exercise or don't. I am always tired. Always.
“Oh it's just your anxiety and depression and adhd and ptsd.” like that's an excuse. I KNOW! I know why I'm exhausted. I have been living in this broken body my entire fucking life. I KNOW THAT THESE MENTAL ILLNESSES COME WITH EXHAUSTION AND PHYSICAL PAIN. But that means I have to just fucking deal with it? I'm so over just dealing with it.
And the medical gaslighting. Doctors see my history and just dismiss my legitimate concerns. I now have a chronic eye condition because my concerns were dismissed as “just anxiety” until my cornea ulcerated and now I have recurrent corneal abrasions and corneal erosion. I had been complaining about eye pain and eye twitching for months before the ulcer occurred. Now I have to deal with eye pain for the rest of my life. I have a scar on my cornea. It impacted my vision.
I've been complaining about my high heart rate and chest pain for at least a decade. Doctors say it's all my anxiety. Finally got a cardiologist to see me… turns out over the course of 48 hours I was tachycardic over 400 times. My average heart rate over that period was 97. Guess what? It's not just my anxiety. There is definitely something going on with my heart and we are doing more testing.
I am tired and in pain and dizzy and struggle with food EVERY SINGLE DAY. But when you talk about it people just say you're ungrateful.
I'm so done.

So I had a filling redone last week cause it was breaking down. They were noticeably rushing the end of the procedure so they could get to their next appointment. I had no pain from it before the filling was redone. Ever since if I chew with it at all its extremely painful and takes around an hour to go back to just mildly sore. It's debilitating and has made it difficult for me to eat and is very noticeable to people around me. It seems like I'll now need to get a root canal but I cannot afford one. Do they have a responsibility to fix my tooth or am I just screwed now? I'm in NY if that matters.
I use a nicotine vaporizer and smoke cannabis regularly. I rarely drink, but a couple times a year I'll have 2-3 beers. Thanks in advance for any advice

I’m 21F and 5’0” and 105 lbs, and I’m really wondering what’s going on with me. I have a plethora of mental and physical symptoms. My parents never had health insurance (we still don’t) so I never really went to the doctor growing up. I know this isn’t great news, but I have an interview today and am getting insurance ASAP if all goes well.
I’m including mental illnesses in the diagnosis because I’ve heard that sometimes they manifest physically, so I’m just covering my bases.
“Symptoms”:

• constant diarrhea. has been happening for over a year now, and is daily. but i’m not bloated or gassy, i just get some pain and sudden urges to go. no weight gain/loss either.
• blood sugar problems. (we assume.) if i don’t eat every few hours, I start to shut down. I get weak, my head is extra foggy, I start sweating and shivering, and I get super nauseous. This can be anywhere from 2-5 hours after a meal. It usually happens in the day, but it happened in the middle of the night this week and I collapsed on my bedroom floor with my poor husband pressing cold objects to my skin to cool me because i was burning up.
• extreme temperature sensitivity. It goes both ways. If it’s above 75°, my vision blurs and sometimes goes black. I don’t sweat, I just start getting weak and dizzy and disoriented (and angry.) If it’s below 70° inside or below 50° outside, my toes and half of my foot goes completely numb and turns white. (Raynauds). I also just shiver the entire time, even indoors.
• constant fatigue and brain fog.
• no appetite or libido at all. i actually get nauseous at the idea of food, no matter how much i love it.
• air hunger. i’m always yawning and feel out of breath. my friends for years have noticed how fast my breaths are, and my heart.
• coat hanger pain. this one is VERY SPECIFIC, and probably my earliest symptom besides raynauds. sitting or standing, most days i have such severe pain between my shoulders and neck on the left side that i just walk around holding it, massaging it, trying to ease it.

Diagnoses (and suspected/mentioned ones by other people i’ve talked with and researched with, which i’ll label):

• Raynauds
• POTS (suspected)
• IBS-D (suspected)
• Hyperthyroidism (mentioned)
• Hypoglycemia (mentioned)
• Anxiety
• Bipolar Disorder
• Autism (suspected)
• ADHD (suspected)
• OCD (mentioned)

I had blood work done for EVERYTHING in January and all of my levels were somewhere in the middle of the normal range.
I talked to a doctor online 4 times before I left my job and she prescribed me Lexapro and Wellbutrin to try and ease my anxiety (because it may be the cause of my diarrhea). The medications did not work for me at all, they had absolutely no affect on anything.

This story has been gaining some small online traction over the past couple of days, and Russell Edwards has been namedropped again by Keith Bennett’s brother, Alan Bennett, on social media. I want people to be in no doubt about what Edwards did back in 2022, and I want to make sure that the following ranks near the top of Google searches too so that people can easily find information that discredits this complete and utter charlatan.
Header photo description and credits: Greater Manchester Police employing a drone in the excavation of the site searched for the remains of Keith Bennett on Saddleworth Moor, 2nd October 2022. Manchester Evening News

Who is Russell Edwards?

Edwards is a self-proclaimed “amateur detective”, who has for many years invested a lot of his own time and money in trying to get to the bottom of numerous infamous unsolved cases. He has claimed to have identified Jack the Ripper as a Polish barber named Aaron Kosminski, and wrote a book about his “findings” called “Naming Jack the Ripper” - which have since been called into question along with the credibility of both Edwards and the forensic scientist he collaborated with in regards to both Jack the Ripper and the Moors Murders, Jari Louhelainen.
Edwards runs a Jack the Ripper guided walking tour in London. I won’t link to it because a) I don’t want to drive up clicks to it and b) the website contains a lot of misinformation as well as graphic autopsy images of Ripper victims without warning. But the most recent review listed on there was from January of this year.
He claimed to have started looking into Keith Bennett’s disappearance in 2015, but had been interested in the case since around the time the remains of another Moors Murders victim, Pauline Reade, were discovered in 1987.

The known facts of Keith Bennett’s disappearance and murder

Keith was walking to his grandmother’s house on the evening of 16th June 1964 when he was abducted by Ian Brady and Myra Hindley. According to their accounts, he was driven up to Saddleworth Moor and endured sexual assault before he was strangled to death and buried in a shallow grave. There is a detailed and extensive write-up on Brady’s and Hindley’s conflicting accounts linked here. Tragically, to this day Keith Bennett remains the only one of the couple’s victims whose remains were never recovered.
I would strongly encourage everybody to read these FAQs around the search for Keith too. I wrote these up a while ago, and Alan himself has been kind enough to contribute to them as well after the fact.

The 2022 “findings”

First off, here’s where exactly Edwards made his “discovery” in relation to where the other bodies were found. I should state that this area consists of plenty of gullies and peat soil. If you click on the 2022 Search on Saddleworth Moor flair, you‘ll see everything we discussed in this subreddit as the search was being carried out. But I will recap what happened anyway.
In a statement published on 30th September 2022, GMP Force Review Officer Martin Bottomley said:
“At around 11.25am on Thursday 29th September 2022, Greater Manchester Police was contacted by the representative of an author who has been researching the murder of Keith Bennett, a victim of Ian Brady and Myra Hindley. Following direct contact with the author, we were informed that he had discovered what he believes are potential human remains in a remote location on the Moors and he agreed to meet with officers yesterday afternoon to elaborate on his find and direct us to a site of interest.
“The site was assessed late last night and, this morning, specialist officers have begun initial exploration activity. We are in the very early stages of assessing the information which has been brought to our attention but have made the decision to act on it in line with a normal response to a report of this kind.”
It was first reported in the Daily Mail that a “skull” had been found, although the same article then went on to say that “detectives are preparing to exhume a particular area where suspected skeletal remains have been found including what experts believe to be a child’s upper jaw with a full set of teeth”. It was also reported that a small piece of blue and white striped material, and potential samples of body tissue (although this was later discredited as a probable mixture of vegetation and muddy water), had been found.
Edwards had claimed he and his team had conducted extensive soil analysis of the area, which they had discovered 4 weeks before. There were high levels of calcium, which can indicate the presence of human remains (but the team did not mention that it also indicates the presence of limestone or another high calcium natural material). Describing the dig, he said “the smell hit me about 2ft down. Like a sewer, like ammonia. I worked as a gravedigger when I was 19. It hits you, that smell of death. It is distinctive.”
Alan Bennett later stated that the smell was probably methane - of which there are pockets containing it across the moor. Edwards also falsely stated that everything was left in situ - more on that in the paragraph after the next one.
On Saturday 1st October, Greater Manchester Police issued a statement saying that “no identifiable human remains have been found” - despite what several tabloid and local newspapers had been reporting. It was confirmed that drones were being used in the search on the 2nd October, and a statement issued by GMP later that day confirmed that excavation of the site will continue for the foreseeable future.
Edwards and members of his team started posting on Facebook and declaring that Keith Bennett had already been found. On 2nd October, Jari Louhelainen, a Senior Lecturer in Molecular Biology at Liverpool John Moores University and a member of Edwards’ team, posted a photo of himself analysing what he suspected was a “bunch of hair” from the dig site. He later confirmed in the comments of his post (after being called out for posting it in the first place) that it was a “look-a-like plant material”.
On 4th October, Detective Chief Inspector Cheryl Hughes, of GMP’s Force Review Unit, said: “Forensic Archaeologists and Forensic Anthropologists have now completed a methodical archaeological excavation and examination of the area previously dug and refilled by the member of the public. No bones, fabric or items of interest were recovered from the soil.
“These accredited and certified forensic experts are now continuing with a methodical and controlled excavation of the area immediately surrounding the original site to provide a higher level of assurance of the presence or absence of any items of interest. Further soil samples have been taken for analysis, but at this time there is no visible evidence to suggest the presence of human remains. The scene examination is ongoing.
“A report of possible human remains is always treated with seriousness. As such, we have deployed police search advisors who can support our scenes of crimes officers – this will result in more visible and high profile tactics, such as officers walking in lines to identify any potential sites of focus.
“GMP is committed to providing Keith’s family with answers following this report, both from the physical excavation and subsequent analysis of samples. This will take some time but we will keep the family updated at every stage and request that their privacy is respected.
“We have seen the outpouring of support since this news broke so know how our communities feel about this case but we are asking members of the public not to travel to the area and can assure them that we will provide timely and appropriate updates.”
At 2pm on 7th October 2022, Greater Manchester Police announced that they had closed the scene on Saddleworth Moor after finding no evidence to indicate the presence of human remains. “At this time, there is no evidence of the presence of human remains.”
Assistant Chief Constable Sarah Jackson, portfolio holder for crime, said: “We have always said that we would respond, in a timely and appropriate manner, to any credible information which may lead us towards finding Keith. Our actions in the last week or so are a highly visible example of what that response looks like, with the force utilising the knowledge and skills of accredited experts, specialist officers and staff. It is these accredited experts and specialists who have brought us to a position from where we can say that, despite a thorough search of the scene and ongoing analysis of samples taken both by ourselves and a third party, there is currently no evidence of the presence of human remains at, or surrounding, the identified site on Saddleworth Moor. However, I want to make it clear that our investigation to find answers for Keith’s family is not over.
“We understand how our communities in Greater Manchester feel about this case, the renewed interest in it and the shared desire to find Keith. Much of Saddleworth Moor is private land so we would ask that members of the public, in the first instance, report any perceived intelligence to their local police service. The discovery of suspected human remains must be reported immediately to enable the use of specialist resources to investigate appropriately.”
Senior Investigating Officer Detective Chief Inspector Cheryl Hughes said: “The investigation into Keith’s disappearance and murder has remained open since 1964 and it will not be closed until we have found the answers his family have deserved for so many years. We are thankful for their continued support of our ongoing enquiries. This has been a distressing time for them and we ask that their privacy is respected.
“We understand the confusion which may have been caused to Keith’s family and communities across Greater Manchester by reports to the contrary. We hope that by giving this detailed update today, we provide reassurance that GMP are committed to finding accurate answers for Keith’s family.
“In response to the report made on Thursday 29 September 2022, officers met with the member of the public who later provided us with samples and copies of the photographs he had taken. He also took officers to the location from which he had obtained these and provided grid references.
“In the days since, independent accredited forensic archaeologists and certified forensic anthropologists, together with GMP’s Crime Scene Investigators, have completed a methodical forensic archaeological excavation and examination of the identified area and beyond. An accredited forensic geologist also took a number of soil samples – analysis of which is ongoing.
“The items given to us by the member of the public have been examined by a forensic scientist and though this hasn’t yet indicated the presence of human remains – more analysis is required. With regards to the photograph, we have sought the assistance of a forensic botanist. We are now utilising the knowledge and skills of a forensic image expert to put a standard anthropological measurement to the object to assist with identification. At this stage, the indications are that it would be considerably smaller than a juvenile jaw and it cannot be ruled out that it is plant-based.
“The excavation and examination at the site is complete and, to reiterate, we have found no evidence that this is the burial location of Keith Bennett.”

Aftermath

It was discovered that two of Edwards’ team members, Lesley Dunlop (a geologist) and Dawn Keen (a forensic archaeologist) were not accredited professionals in their respective fields. Alan Bennett clarified in a Facebook post on 5th November 2022, in reference to Keen:
“Any professional archaeologist would ask for a scale in any pictures or video taken at a scene [in reference to the fact that police confirmed the object found was too small to be a juvenile jaw], that was not the case here and the reason police had to call in a photographic specialist to determine the scale of the supposed jawbone..which turns out to be too small for a child from what I've been told so far and, of course couldn't be found anyway and could only have been vegetation if anything at all.”
I am not entirely sure what the “blue and white striped fabric” turned out to be - I assume that nothing was found.
Alan has since posted evidence that Russell Edwards had been planning the “discovery of Keith’s remains” as part of a stunt to promote his upcoming book on the case - a book that Edwards has been radio-silent about since all of this controversy.
Edwards has refused to apologise to Keith’s family and despite being proven wrong, and him and his team being called out for the charlatans they are (with even him admitting that his own reputation is in tatters), as of December 2022 he stood by his actions and his claims that he believed he had found Keith’s body.
To my own understanding (though I do not speak on behalf of Alan Bennett or on behalf of anybody who was involved in this whole debacle, let me be clear), there has been complete radio-silence on news of Edwards’ book since this date.

(continuation of part 5)
Post-OG Cloud ruminates on what he could have done to save Aerith. Had he not been so lost in his own mind —distracted by Sephiroth and Jenova, consumed by his need to fulfill the emptiness at the core of his identity—, would he have paid more attention to Aerith’s sadness and anticipated her plan to go to the Forgotten Capital alone? Could she have survived if not for his obsession with what tormented him at the time? Could he have figured it out and kept her by his side? He’s angry with himself in retrospect, drowning in guilt, just like in Advent Children.

Here are the choruses, which usually contain the thesis main message of a song:

“Shine bright once more
Guide me to you
Smile bright once more
This time I will never let you go”

&

“Hear me once more
Show me your smile
This time for sure
I'll see the truth hidden inside your tears

But I, I know
That you're long gone
But I, I will
Go on, howling and hollow”

In these choruses, Cloud asserts that he will get it right this time (“this time” referring to the second chance that is the Remake trilogy). He will make sure he saves Aerith and never lets her go. He knows she’s gone, but he will fight against time to get her back. He longs for her smile and her light again, and he cannot bear the guilt: so he doesn’t. Post-OG Cloud embarks on a new adventure: ”I want to go to a place where everything is new,” said Cloud to Wol and Echo in Eclipse Contact before facing his past and being launched into Remake. “Hollow” makes far more sense now, doesn’t it? It’s a song not only about Cloud’s loss, but also about his determination to save Aerith this time. Given that it’s the theme song of Remake, the fact that “Hollow” fits with our theory perfectly is a very good sign: a theme song is meant to reflect the main plot of a story, indicating as our theory states that Remake is principally, albeit secretly, about Cloud saving Aerith. Because of this hope being set up, I’m confident that they will be together in the end, reunited for good. My dear Clerith friends, this is the hidden purpose of the Remake trilogy. Cloud and Aerith will be reunited.

VI. e) ii. “No Promises to Keep” Lyrics

This is quite obvious. Aerith is resigned to her fate, but still harbors hope that she will meet Cloud again in a permanent reunion:

“Till the day that we meet again
Where or when?
I wish I could say
But believe, know that you'll find me

[…]

Till the day that we meet again
On our street, I want to believe

[…]

Till the day that we meet again
At our place, just let me believe
In the chance that you'll come
Take my hand and never let me go
Take my hand
And believe
We can be
Together evermore

[…]

Still I hope someday you'll come and find me
Still I know someday you'll come and find me”.

VI. f) The Theme of Reunion Explained?

The last point I want to hit on is the concept of reunion. In OG, this theme was pretty much dominated by the Jenova Reunion. To an OG fan back in 1997, “reunion” meant “Sephiroth and Jenova’s evil plan”. However, in the Remake trilogy, the theme is expanded into something more. The first time Cloud meets Aerith in Remake, she gives him a flower and tells him something she didn’t in OG:

“Lovers used to give these when they were reunited...”

In addition, we’ve already talked about how part 5 of “Aerith’s Theme - The Cetra” from the Remake OST tells the story of Cloud and Aerith’s reunion (see section “V. b) ii. 2)”).

Many moments exclusive to the Remake trilogy serve the same purpose: linking the theme of reunion to Aerith. This expansion of the theme is highly significant. Our theory is that the Remake trilogy exists to reunite Cloud and Aerith, so the fact that the trilogy would implement so many Clerith-centric references to reunion is great support for our theory.

VI. g) i. The Leslie-Cloud Parallel

Let’s consider another instance involving the reunion flower in Remake, more precisely, the chapter 14 subplot surrounding Leslie’s lost lover. In case you need a refresher, Leslie is one of Corneo’s lackeys, although he secretly plans to betray him. He once had a fiancée and things were looking up until she was selected as one of Corneo’s brides. The day before she disappeared (presumably taken by Corneo), his fiancée broke up with him with no explanation. It was confusing and left Leslie perplex. As she broke up with him, she returned a necklace to him, one with a flower pendant. Of course, that flower is the very same reunion flower Aerith gives Cloud in chapter 2.

Evidently, Leslie and Cloud are going through parallel situations. At this point in time, Aerith was just kidnapped by Shinra, and Cloud is on his way to get her back. Both their loved ones have been taken by tyrant rulers, one being slumlord Corneo and the other being the Shinra government. In fact, even Leslie and Cloud’s attitudes share similar disillusioned, cold and stoic qualities. Leslie’s fiancée would evidently be paralleled by Aerith.

The most obvious proof of the Leslie-Cloud parallel is written plainly on the list of Remake’s chapter 14 main scenario objectives. Objective 7, called “For the Reunion”, consists of receiving the grappling guns needed to reach topside and save Aerith. The description of the objective reads as follows:

“Leslie gives them grappling guns, and they wish each other luck in reuniting with their respective loved ones. Leslie walks off, and the three prepare to climb the wall.”

The grappling guns are “For the Reunion”, because evidently, the loved one Cloud wants to reunite with is Aerith.

All this is simple and apparent enough. Just the fact that the theme of reunion is linked to Clerith in this way is proof enough, but there’s another layer to the Leslie-Cloud parallel. Not only does Leslie’s situation reinforce the concept of a Clerith reunion, it also mirrors the specifics of our theory: namely that Cloud will save Aerith from specifically Sephiroth (represented in Leslie’s scenario by Corneo) and that Cloud will take the initiative to accomplish this reunion. These two specific aspects of our theory are reflected by Leslie’s circumstances, meaning the Leslie-Cloud parallel not only pushes the theme of reunion, but also supports our specific theory.

VI. g) i. 1) The Separators: Corneo and Sephiroth

I’ll first prove that Leslie’s scenario is not meant to echo Cloud’s separation from Aerith at the hands of Shinra —or at least not exclusively—, but rather Cloud’s separation from Aerith at the hands of Sephiroth. Corneo would therefore be paralleled by Sephiroth rather than the tyrannical Shinra government.

The first piece of proof for the Corneo-Seohiroth parallel lies within the way in which Leslie’s fiancée broke things off: by lying. Aerith also lies to Cloud to create distance between them, but not pertaining to her kidnapping— rather, pertaining to her fated death. Since Sephiroth is Aerith’s killer and not Shinra, Corneo’s role in the Leslie-Cloud parallel is analogous to Sephiroth’s rather than Shinra’s.

There are two pieces of evidence that the Corneo-Sephiroth comparison makes more sense than the Corneo-Shinra one. The first lies in the fact that Leslie’s breakup resembles Cloud’s resolution scene: the topic of Cloud’s resolution scene is Aerith’s fate at the hands of Sephiroth rather than her kidnapping by Shinra, meaning Corneo and Sephiroth are the antagonists of both heartbreaks.

Let’s examine Leslie’s breakup. Here is how his fiancée broke things off, taken from the English script of Remake’s chapter 14, with tone indicators added by me in bold:

“Fiancée: It was all just a dream, wasn't it[?]
Fiancée: (Hopefully) But one day…
(She trails off, then shakes her head and stops herself.)
Fiancée: (Sadly, hopelessly) — no. Time to wake up. And forget.
(She walks away.)”

Now, here is a more literal translation of this quote from the original Japanese (verified by me via DeepL), with tone indicators added by me in bold:

“Fiancée: It was only just a dream we had / We were only dreaming...
Fiancée: (Hopefully, as though as a hail Mary) In the language of the flowers...
(She trails off, then shakes her head and stops herself.)
Fiancée: (Sadly, hopelessly) — no. You should forget about me.
(She walks away.)”

Leslie’s fiancée is clearly breaking up with him to spare him the pain of blaming himself for not being able to protect her from Corneo, as she knows it’s too late for her to escape from the slumlord’s clutches. We know this because we understand that the pendant she gave back to him symbolizes a reunion (especially between lovers, as Aerith told Cloud in chapter 2). In fact, the Japanese version of the script reveals that the fiancée was about to reveal the meaning of the flower, perhaps in the hopes that they would find each other once more, but she lost her nerve at the last second. Notice that she tells Leslie two specific things. One: their love or their future together was only a dream, meaning that it wasn’t real. Two: he should forget about her, because the dream is over now and it’s time to wake up from it.

If you’re finding this familiar, then you might be ahead of me. Let’s take a look at what Aerith says to Cloud in his resolution scene, also in the English script of Remake’s chapter 14, with tone indicators added by me in bold:

“Aerith: […] you can’t fall in love with me. [It]’s not real […]. (With a sigh, as though from sadness or difficulty, but resolutely) It’s almost morning. Time to go.”

Now, here is a more literal translation of this quote from the original Japanese (verified by me via DeepL), with tone indicators added by me in bold:

“Aerith: You can’t let yourself fall in love with me. [It]’s only your imagination […]. (With a sigh, as though from sadness or difficulty, but resolutely) Looks like it’s already morning. Time for me to go.”

Just like Leslie’s fiancée, Aerith is rejecting or denying Cloud’s love for her in order to spare him from the pain of not having been able to be with her before her death, as she believes it is inevitable. Just like the fiancée, Aerith also tells Cloud two things. One: their love is imaginary or isn’t real. Two: it’s morning, and she has to go (she says this right before Cloud wakes from the pseudo-dream).

In both cases, the women know something about their fate that the men don’t and are hiding this impending tragedy from them. Just like Leslie’s fiancée, Aerith uses well-intentioned deception to protect her loved one from the pain that will come from her fate— the lie, of course, is that their love isn’t real. Both women are hopeless, and both men are initially clueless. Aerith’s resolution can’t be about her kidnapping, because Aerith thinks her rescue is anything but hopeless— she’s sure Cloud will come save her from Shinra. She says so herself in OG’s disk 1 chapter 8:

“Cloud: Aeris!? You safe?
Aeris: Yeah, I'm all right. I knew that [you] would come for me.”

What Aerith is so resigned about in Cloud’s resolution scene isn’t her kidnapping, but instead her fated death at the hands of Sephiroth. Nojima hints at this in FFVII Remake Ultimania:

“If you know Aerith’s fate, then this line would really pull at your heart strings […]” (section 08 “Secrets”, “Development Staff Interviews, Part 2: Tetsuya Nomura, Yoshinori Kitase, Yoshinori Kitase, Kazushige Nojima”, page 744).

Here is co-director Toriyama had to say on Aerith’s words:

“[While] these words are intended for Cloud, I think Aerith is partly speaking them to herself. The contents of her request may be at odds with how she truly feels inside” (FFVII Remake Material Ultimania Plus, VA Script Notes, “A Dream Shown by Aerith”, “Scenario Staff Q&A - Answered by Motomu Toriyama”).

These two quotes by the devs show that Aerith is trying to protect Cloud from her death. Therefore, the Corneo-Sephiroth parallel is far more apt than the Corneo-Shinra parallel.

The second piece of evidence supporting my belief that Corneo mirrors Sephiroth and not Shinra in the Leslie-Cloud parallel is the inclusion of the theme of revenge that crops up in the following piece of dialogue:

“Tifa: Why did you wanna come down here?
Leslie: Revenge. I know I need to let go, but I can't. I need closure, 'cause without it... I'll never be able to move on” (Remake, chapter 14).

Leslie’s sentiment toward Corneo resembles Cloud’s feelings toward Sephiroth after Aerith’s death. Revenge links Cloud to Sephiroth, not to Shinra. Corneo and Sephiroth reflect each other in that, as a consequence of their actions toward a woman, the man who loves her desires revenge.

Additionally, it looks like Leslie’s obsession with revenge as a means to closure is the reason he didn’t bother trying to understand the message his fiancée left him with: he’s focused on his hate rather than his love, and it’s hindering him. He doesn’t succeed in killing Corneo either: his focus and energy are misplaced. Cloud’s desire for vengeance against Sephiroth is also depicted as an obstacle to accomplishing his goals (see how in section “III. c)” of my previous literary analysis). Once more, the Corneo-Sephiroth parallel fits far better than a Corneo-Shinra perspective.

VI. g) i. 2) The Reunion Seekers: Leslie and Cloud

The other aspect of the Leslie-Cloud parallel that supports our theory is that in both scenarios, they both take charge of the situation and decide to actively seek reunion with their respective lovers. The following dialogue excerpt, supplemented by the VA script notes, shows Leslie’s initiative:

“Tifa: [Your fiancée] could still be out there.
Barret: Can never be sure how much someone means to ya till they're gone. Don't give up on her yet.
Leslie: (Looks at the flower pendant, [recalling his lover’s words) A message in the language of flowers… I wonder what she meant by it.
[…]
Tifa: Reunion.
Leslie: Huh?
Tifa: In the language of flowers, it means ‘reunion.’
(Leslie shifts his gaze from Tifa to the pendant and stares at it for some time. At last he understands the words his lover left him. With that, as if his mind has been made up, he clutches the pendant and hangs it around his neck.)
Leslie: Then I guess I’ll just have to find her first” (FFVII Remake Material Ultimania Plus, VA Script Notes, “Other Notable Stage Directions - Chapters 14-16”).

Take note of Leslie’s final response and the determination with which he speaks: “Then I guess I’ll just have to find her first”. Remember that we’re searching for evidence that Cloud is going to be the one reaching out to Aerith in the Remake trilogy, and that it’s his turn to take his future into his hands. He must be more attentive, more active this time. And Leslie’s words of determination reflect this perfectly. Leslie must find his fiancée first, just like Cloud has to be the one to offer his hand to Aerith in the Remake trilogy and fight for her. This is exactly what our theory is all about.

VI. g) i. 3) Delayed Realizations

Interestingly, not only does Leslie’s determination mirror Cloud’s, but both men are depicted as realizing the truth too late. Just like Leslie only began searching for his fiancée six months after her disappearance, Cloud only realizes he loves Aerith in OG once she’s died. It took him this long to actually get somewhere in his mission to reunite with her— “somewhere” being the Remake trilogy.

Even Barret’s words highlight the lovers’ delay: “Can never be sure how much someone means to ya till they're gone”. Barret would know: he lost his wife Myrna, who he loved dearly. The devs have Barret comment on the situation as a man whose lover died, mirroring Cloud’s situation in OG. Just as Barret says, Cloud only truly realized the strength of how he felt for Aerith in OG once she was gone. The gunman’s words apply to both Leslie and Cloud’s tardy initiatives. Regardless of this delay, both men are now determined to see their respective reunions through.

The degree to which the Leslie-Cloud parallel fits our theory is a great sign of its validity: even the details are lining up!

VI. g) ii. Reunion in the Theme Songs

Too easy: in our analysis of the lyrics of the theme songs, we covered how both texts include the theme of reunion. “No Promises to Keep” is especially relevant (see section “VI. e) ii.”), as the entire song is Aerith hoping against fate for a reunion with Cloud (even if you believe the song is about all her companions, that still includes Cloud).

On top of these reunion-themed lyrics, during Aerith’s in-game performance of “No Promises to Keep” at the Gold Saucer production of Loveless, her yellow blossoms signifying reunion bloom all around her as Cloud watches her, captivated.

Another great sign for our theory: the highly significant theme songs are on our side!

VI. g) iii. Waking Up Reunited

The thing I want to juxtapose to our theory is a small yet special moment in chapter 2 of Rebirth that stuck out to me like a sore thumb and got me really excited about sharing it with you. This moment occurs after the battle against the Midgardsormr. We’ll be comparing it to two other clips, describing all three in chronological order, and making deductions based on their similarities.

The first clip I want to address occurs in chapter 8 of Remake (1:32-2:12). There are a couple of things I want to point out in this scene. First, Aerith wakes Cloud from unconsciousness with a cute call of “Hello~?”. Second, despite pretending that he doesn’t, he immediately recognizes her. The VA script notes prove it:

“Aerith: Nice to meet you again.
Cloud actually remembers Aerith, but he pretends not to, perhaps wishing to make himself look cool.
Cloud: Again, huh?
Aerith: What? You don’t remember? How about…the flowers?
Cloud looks at the flowers at his feet and pretends as if he’s only just remembered.
Cloud: Oh, the flower seller” (FFVII Remake Material Ultimania Plus, VA script notes, “Reuniting with Aerith”).

So: she wakes him with a cute call, and he recognizes her. Also note that these two elements also apply to the OG church reunion scene.

Now onto the Rebirth chapter 2 scene that stuck out to me. After Cloud is saved from the Midgardsormr by Sephiroth, Cloud wakes up from unconsciousness spell with Aerith calling for him (7:20-7:34).

Once more, Aerith wakes him with a cute call (this time, it’s “Wakey, wakey!”), and Cloud recognizes her. In this Midgardsormr clip, unlike their reunion in the church, Cloud verbalizes that he remembers her. This time, there’s more: next, Aerith tells Cloud “おかえり, クラウド”, or “okaeri, Cloud”, which translates to “welcome back, Cloud”. “Okaeri” is what you say in Japanese when someone has returned home. In the third clip we will analyze, Aerith says “okaeri” to Cloud once more. But first, let’s break down this second clip.

I don’t know about you, but this cutscene felt extremely weird to me when I first encountered it. That is, it would have been, if not for the theory I’d begun formulating at that time.

You see, the devs could have chosen for Aerith to ask Cloud if he remembers his own name or where they are, if he’s okay, or check if he responds to his own name. In fact, asking someone who’s been hit on the head to say their own name is a much more common a reaction to them finally waking up than asking them if they remember you. Even stranger is Cloud’s reaction: he could have answered “Yeah, you’re Aerith,” or “I remember everything, I’m fine”. Instead, he says her name with this airy and wonderstruck tone. He sounds like he’s opening his eyes to something mystic rather than his comrade leaning over him, like he’s seeing someone unexpectedly for the first time in a while… or rather like he’s waking from a trance of some kind— a trance in which he did not remember Aerith, and now he does. You may see where I’m going with this.

Let’s examine the third clip, wherein Aerith tells Cloud “okaeri” again. More specifically, in chapter 14, Aerith welcomes Cloud back when he snaps out of his zombified, Sephiroth-controlled state and runs toward her. Of course, it’s the sight of her and his memories of meeting her in chapter 2 of Remake that shake him awake (2:17:43-2:18:02).

For a third time, Aerith wakes Cloud. This time, she’s pulling him out of a trance and back to himself. And for a third time, Cloud remembers her. In fact, it’s remembering her that wakes him up. Cloud calls her name and Aerith says “okaeri” in both the post-Midgardsormr cutscene and this third clip. And in both scenes, not only does Cloud return to himself the way someone returns home (recall that “okaeri” is used to welcome someone back home), but he’s also returning to her, recognizing her as his home.

Now we’ve got three scenes lined up: the church reunion scene (both in OG and Remake), the Midgardsormr scene and the hand-reach scene. All three of these recognition scenes feature Cloud being woken up by Aerith and remembering who she is. The main difference is that, in the scenes among these three that are exclusive to Rebirth, Cloud’s return to Aerith is far more meaningful, as he already knows her name, and knows more about who she is to him. Evidently, in the OG church reunion scene, Cloud only remembers being sold a flower by this girl. In the Remake version, he remembers the same thing, plus the attack of the whispers. So there’s something much more weighty about the Rebirth recognition scenes: he remembers more, and he remembers deeper. These aren’t just recognition scenes, they’re also mini-reunions. Of course, as we’ve already analyzed pertaining to the hand-reaching scene, Cloud remembering Aerith is followed by him being the one to take action and run toward her, eager to save her, because she means the world to him. When you place the Midgardsormr scene between the church reunion scene and the hand-reach scene, an evolution of Cloud waking up and remembering Aerith is formed. Each mini-reunion scene adds a piece to the story: the church scene informs us that Cloud and Aerith are meeting again, the Midgardsormr scene tips us off that something mystic is going on from Cloud’s tone when he says Aerith’s name, and the hand reach scene tells us that as a consequence of remembering who Aerith is, Cloud saves her from falling to her death and saving her. “Meeting again”, “mystic”, and “saving Aerith”: these are the keywords of the mini-reunion scenes. They are also the keywords of our theory on Cloud’s mission to save Aerith. This time around Cloud knows more and is more conscious about how he feels for Aerith, just like he feels more when in the hand-reach scene in Rebirth compared to the church reunion scene in Remake. From the latter scene to the former, Cloud gradually wakes up and remembers his love for and loss of Aerith in the OG more and more. Each mini-reunion brings him closer to saving her when he blocks the masamune. This is why I am certain that in part 3, whether Cloud comes to his full senses or not, whether he remembers the events of OG or not, he will save Aerith this time. The Remake trilogy is centered around Aerith, after all. In fact, don’t take it from me, take it from Nojima:

“Aerith's the most important character in the remake so we paid special attention to her lines” (FFVII Remake Ultimania, section 08 “Secrets”, “Development Staff Interviews, Part 2: Tetsuya Nomura, Yoshinori Kitase, Kazushige Nojima”, page 744).

I have full confidence in this fact: one way or another, these two will have a happy ending. This is Cloud’s second chance, and as he swore in “Hollow”, he is not losing her again. That is why I don’t think you should fret, and that our Clerith hearts will be very happy to see these two together again for good in part 3.

VI. h) Zooming In

In fact, this zooming-in method of directing players’ attention to important narrative beats is far from new.

VI. h) i. Changing Fate

Let’s divert our attention to Nanaki’s Skywheel date (2:28-3:30). The dialogue goes like this: Nanaki brings us the Whispers and suggests the party might eventually forget about their existence, and Cloud says that frankly, if it’s impossible for them to change fate either way, then it would be better for them to forget to Whispers altogether.

This is a very clear message from the devs: “there would be no point in including the Whispers in the Remaketrilogy if we did not make use of their defeat”. They’re telling us through Cloud’s dialogue that they know it would be foul play and bad writing to introduce the theme of defying fate if it didn’t eventually pay off.

As if it weren’t clear enough what the devs are referring to, Nanaki brings up Aerith’s death directly after Cloud delivers the devs’ message to us. He actually makes Cloud promise to save her. This is pretty on the nose. By promising Nanaki he will protect Aerith, the devs are promising us the same. I’m certain that part 3 will deliver on this promise.

If you still aren’t sold, I’d like to direct your attention to the framing of the shot where Cloud says “if we can’t change [fate]” (2:49-2:51). There’s a zoom-in on his mouth, which is a visual cue that translates to “what this character is saying right now is important to the plot”. It’s very indiscrete in theory: the camera literally hones in on the invisible words as though the script has them highlighted, italicized triple-underlined and in bold.

VI. h) ii. Aerith’s Knowledge

We’ve seen the Remake trilogy use this camera framing at least twice so far. The first time occurs in Remake’s chapter 8, before it becomes clear that Aerith knows things from the OG game that she wouldn’t normally know if this were just a remastered version of the same 1997 plot. I’ll let Remake Ultimania‘s description of this moment speak for itself:

“When Cloud and Aerith return the rescued children to Oates, the man in the tattered black cloak shows up again at the hideout. The moment the man grasps Cloud’s arm, he’s overcome by another violent headache and sees a vision of Sephiroth. Cloud wonders if this man who supposedly died five years ago could possibly still be alive. When he says as much to Aerith, she gives him a vague reply” (FFVII Remake Ultimania, section 04: “Scenario”, “Chapter 8 Main Story Digest”, page 256).

Aerith’s “vague reply” is accentuated by a very deliberate zoom-in on her mouth (1:18:05-1:18:09), and therefore her words.

The framing of this shot indicates to us that what Aerith says provides an important hint as to the plot’s direction. Sure enough, with hindsight, it’s easy to see that’s true.

VI. h) iii. Tifa’s Question

Another time this framing is used is in chapter 1 of Rebirth, after Cloud recounts the Nibelheim incident. Tifa asks the group why Sephiroth is choosing to come back now, after five years (37:55-37:58).

Once more, we are being signaled that the reason Sephiroth chose to return at the moment he did is significant to the plot, but cannot be revealed explicitly yet. The reason why Sephiroth took five years to return is because that’s how long it took for Cloud to get back on his feet after the Nibelheim incident: Sephiroth wants and/or needs to manipulate Cloud in particular rather than all the other people with Jenova cells in them. It took five years for Cloud to not only go through Hojo’s experiments but also escape Shinra and make his way to Seventh Heaven, where Tifa nursed him back to health— therefore, it took five years until Sephiroth’s favorite pawn was available to be used. There are a few reasons why Cloud is the one Sephiroth wants to use, and all of them would be spoilers at this point in Rebirth to players who don’t know the OG plot. The devs can’t reveal any of them yet, but they do indicate via a close-up shot of Tifa’s mouth that her question is important.

VI. h) iv. The Takeaway

As you can see, this framing of characters’ mouths when they speak signals a plot-significant piece of dialogue. This means Cloud’s words on his gondola date with Nanaki can’t be brushed off as a red herring or an unimportant or throwaway line: it has narrative weight.

VII. The Devs

I think it’s important to remember the devs and their commitment to the world of FFVII. They know best for this story, and they’ve proven it to be true many times over. There are many things about the devs’ intentions that the fandom don’t seem to know that I think would give you confidence to find out.

VII. a) Shifting Themes

Good storytellers don’t introduce themes as a way to pull the rug from under audiences’ feet by later rendering them completely irrelevant to the plot.

In other words, the devs would not have introduced the notion of fate as an antagonistic force in Remake, nor allowed the players to defeat it in chapter 18, had they planned for these themes not to pay off at all. Think of how good FFVII OG and FF stories in general are, how strong the writing is from a narrative point of view. Nothing is included for no reason or for a cheap reaction— especially not a central theme of a story. Fate and defeating it is a huge point of Remake, and not for no reason.

I mean, think about a storyline all about defying fate ending with a shrug and a “Oh well, we tried.” It would be ridiculous! The devs are better than that.

VII. b) What the Devs Want

The devs are well aware that fans of FFVII have been begging for Aerith’s resurrection since 1997. All those petitions, all those myths of a revival hack… SE knows about them all too well. They were even referenced by FF’s 30th anniversary expo, which partly promoted Remake:

“No one expected [Aerith’s death] in the middle of the story. Rumors of a secret way to revive Aerith spread, and it was clear players were having a hard time saying goodbye to her too. Even now, twenty years later, it still feels like a shocking turn of events” (Final Fantasy 30th Anniversary Exposition Pamphlet, page 36).

Hamaguchi, codirector of the Remake project, commented on these rumors:

“Interviewer: Do you have a favorite fake rumor about the original FFVII?

Hamaguchi: I hear a lot about Aerith coming back to life and that's something that's very interesting to hear” (Hamaguchi interview: “129 Rapid-Fire Questions Answered About Final Fantasy VII Rebirth”, by Game Informer).

The devs are also aware of how beloved Clerith is to the FFVII fandom, especially in Japan— in fact, the only FFVII ship name that is an official iOS search term on the Japanese Apple Store is Clerith’s (“クラエア” or “kuraea” in Japanese). Aerith herself is a widely beloved character, particularly, once more, in Japan. For instance, Famitsu and NHK’s recent polls on the best FF heroine and on the best FF character in general both resulted in Aerith ranking number 3, beaten only in the latter poll by Cloud at number 1 and FFX’s Yuna at number 2.

The devs know how well-loved both Clerith and Aerith are. And in fact, they love Aerith at least as much as we do:

“Cloud's feelings [of guilt] cannot be resolved by anyone other than Aerith. I tried to convey [that Aerith is saying to Cloud] ‘I'm still here for you’” (FFVII Reunion Files, Nojima’s note on Aerith’s character file, page 58).

&

“When I saw the finished product of [Aerith’s face in] CG, I thought, "Oh, isn’t she so cute?” (FFVII Reunion Files, Nomura’s note on Aerith’s character file, page 58).

&

"The idea of having Aeris die during the story had a great impact on all the dev staff," Toriyama explained, "and personally I decided to dedicate my efforts to depicting Aeris in as appealing a way as possible, so that she would become an irreplaceable character to the player in preparation for that moment" (Toriyama interview “Final Fantasy anniversary interview: Toriyama speaks” by VG247).

The devs care about Aerith, and they’re fully aware we do too.

I think a lot of people have it in their heads that the devs don’t want anything to change from the OG story, but there’s a lot of evidence that says otherwise. Codirector Toriyama spoke on this, stating the following about the production process of Remake:

“[…] there were times the original version became a hindrance. Specifically, staff members with a strong attachment to Final Fantasy VII would often hold themselves back for fear of deviating too much from the original. When we created the original game, we obviously didn’t feel bound in that way. We were passionate about creating a brand new Final Fantasy title, and so we dove in and embraced whatever seemed most interesting to us. We wanted to take that approach this time as well, so we made a special effort to liberate ourselves whenever we held back, remembering that it was okay to do the things we wanted to do” (FFVII Remake Ultimania, section 08 “Secrets”, “Development Staff Interviews, Part 1: Motomu Toriyama, Naoki Hamaguchi, Teruki Endo”, page 737).

Codirector Nomura said the following:

“When I asked Nojima if he’d write the scenario, I was clear about my demands up front. I said, ‘If we're going to remake Final Fantasy VII, I want it to be done like this.’ At that point, I was intent on making something more than just a remake. [Similarly to how] the battle system this time incorporates elements of the original game’s ATB mechanics [while] also been reborn using a real-time approach […], I wanted to make a story that players would feel is fundamentally Final Fantasy VII but also something new” (FFVII Remake Ultimania, section 08 “Secrets”, “Development Staff Interviews, Part 2: Tetsuya Nomura, Yoshinori Kitase, Kazushige Nojima”, page 745).

Clearly, the devs don’t want to be bogged down by the OG, and are making efforts to do things the way they want to rather than the way they were previously done. The newer generation of developers such as codirector Hamaguchi is also involved in these story changes:

“Interviewer: There are also drastically more scenes with Sephiroth than there were in the original game.
Nojima: We weren't planning on having him appear so much at first— the idea was only to hint at his presence. But we changed our approach partway through and became more proactive with having him appear, after which the number of scenes he features in rapidly increased.
Nomura: Hamaguchi [codirector Naoki Hamaguchi] came up to me one day and said in a mysterious tone, ‘I'd like to talk to you about something.’ He asked me about having there be a battle with Sephiroth in Midgar. In the original game, Sephiroth’s true body is located elsewhere, so he didn’t think I'd give in to the idea so easily. think he even prepared materials to persuade me. But in the end I agreed readily [laughs]” (FFVII Remake Ultimania, section 08 “Secrets”, “Development Staff Interviews, Part 2: Tetsuya Nomura, Yoshinori Kitase, Kazushige Nojima”, page 746).

Kitase, the producer of the Remake trilogy, even says that after working on this project for so long, and after spending almost 30 years on the FFVII project and getting to know the characters, he has realized that:

“The more [he works] on it, the more [he wants] to make all these characters happy. [He wants] to give them a happy ending. The rest of the team’s opinions [obviously] also have to be taken into consideration, so it won't be all happiness and rainbows. But [he] just [wants] to make [the characters of FFVII] happy” (Kitase and Hamaguchi’s interview “Final Fantasy VII Rebirth’s Producer Just Wants 'the Characters to End Up Happy'”, by Vandal, translated by me).

Kitase is indeed only one developer, but he’s the producer of this project: that’s the very top position. He oversees everything and nothing goes without his approval. That counts for something. Of course, Kitase is fair and values the input of all the devs, so of course it won’t be “all happiness and rainbows”— but I sincerely believe there’s a big chance that Cloud and Aerith are heading toward their happy ending. Even if this theory is completely bogus, I want to have faith that the devs would not sacrifice good storytelling for nostalgia and a conservative attitude toward preserving the OG story, as that would be cheap of them, and we have not known them to be cheap. This game truly matters to them, so I think they deserve our faith.
(conclusion in

Bethesda turned on play options that include what are presumably de-nerfed environmental effects. The system is, at best, opaque. Here is what I've determined so far...

1. It is different from damage resistance in how it works. From what I've read online, DR works as a flat reduction in incoming damage from the various damage types with a cap at 85%. This post on the other forum breaks it down:

https://www.reddit.com/Starfield/comments/16p8uph/this_is_how_damage_reductionresistancearmor_works/
The algorithm doesn't seem like it would make sense when applied to suit environmental protections.
2) Speaking of numbers -- the vast majority of spacesuits have a total of 60 resistance spread across the four threats. Packs and helmets each have 30, for a total of 120 for a full suit of the same type. A few, like the Mark I and Gran-Gran's, are slightly better. Individual values for each type tend to max at 30/20/20, for a total of 70 protection from a baseline set optimized for one element. A full set of deep mining gear will provide 70 airborne resistance, for examples.
NOTE: Starborn suits have higher values than this, giving 50 resistance to everything.
Legendary effects can boost a single resistance by 25. Three legendary pieces for a set optimum for a threat could theoretically provide a resistance of 145 versus a single threat.
You can modify your pack but not your helmet or suit to enhance resistances -- the Hazard Protection enhances all of the resistances, but I'm not sure if it is fixed for all packs or varies based on type or quality of the armor. Testing would need to be done for that.
3) Anecdotally speaking based on play, environmental protection appears to be ablative. In other words, your level of protection erodes over time. Your equipment will beep repeatedly at a faster rate of speed until your protection goes away. At that point, you start taking environmental damage and run the risk of afflictions.
The afflictions you suffer depend upon the type of threat, e.g., radiation can result in radiation poisoning or burns. It seems mostly rational in that respect.
The magnitude of the threat can vary. Protection might slowly degrade, but exposure to a potent source can immediately wipe out your protection.
Protection regenerates when you are in a "safe" location. This appears to be inside any building with an airlock or your ship (or when you move out of the environment entirely, e.g., fast travelling to Jemison). The game is NOT sophisticated enough to take things like overhead cover into account. Some POIs don't have airlocks and don't provide cover from things like solar radiation even if you have a roof over your head. (Side note: equipment in Starfield MUST have self-repair functions; you would suffocate the first time you got shot in vacuum if this wasn't the case; I'm going to assume this is a standard feature for making space travel reasonably safe for the average person.)
Weather events can change the threat level. Sandstorms and precipitation can definitely increase the threat.
The actual temperature that appears on your watch doesn't seem to directly correlate to things like extreme cold warnings. The characteristics of the planet, including the need for levels in planetary habitation to settle it, does not seem to directly correlate, either. It is possible that these factors are part of it, but you won't necessarily get the same level of thermal threat on two different Deep Freeze worlds.
4) Again anecdotally, it seems that further exposure can worsen the prognosis of existing afflictions. It also seems like having an affliction can make you more vulnerable to obtaining new ones. Using medicine to improve your prognosis is wasteful if you aren't regenerating your protection, as the prognosis will quickly degrade again.
There appear to be multiple severity levels that apply stronger debuffs as well. The "severe" levels of an affliction seem to replace the lower level. Healing does not change the severity back to a lighter level -- it solely improves the prognosis. You can progress from frostbite to severe frostbite, but healing can't reverse that progression.
5) You absolutely can die from environmental damage. It is not like O2/CO2 damage that stops at 10% health. You can also get persistent damage over time effects that will prevent you from resting or fast travelling.
CONCLUSIONS AND FURTHER RESEARCH

• The environmental protection is not just a damage reduction. You clearly have immunity that is wearing down over time.
• Threats vary in strength, so I think it likely that specific threats have a numeric strength that is in some way compared to your protection. That ratio likely directly impacts the time before you start taking damage.
• Threats can be either ambient, i.e., you're "outside" on a world map, or based on proximity, i.e., you submerge part of your body in water, stand over a vent, etc.
• Ambient effects can change in strength. Weather events are obvious sources. It's possible that other factors may play a role, e.g., solar flares, day vs. night, etc. Additional testing would need to be done (or we get a straight answer from Bethesda).
• It is unclear if there is a threshold of resistance that negates an environmental threat. This is definitely an area worth testing. For example, if my thermal protection is wearing down at 30, would it still wear down at 70 but more slowly? Is there a protection number that is just considered "fully protected?"

WHAT I WOULD LIKE TO SEE

• While we don't need actual numbers, it would be nice if the game would alert you to a weak, strong, or moderate ambient threat before you leave the airlock so you can prepare accordingly.
• Planetary scan data should have some indication of potential threats from the environment. EDIT: Before people chime in with, "it tells you about dangerous water, temperature, and atmospheric toxins," let me clarify that I want something MORE explicit, like "moderate radiation threats common." In a setting with casual planetary travel, it would absolutely be more idiot proof.
• A change in ambient threat level should be forecast with something like, "Warning: Incoming Sandstorm."
• Your scanner should absolutely be capable of highlighting proximity threats. If I'm pointing at a highly irradiated body of water, the scanner should be like, "Dude, don't go in there."
• POIs should have some kind of icon indicating they provide protection from ambient effects. Sarah had dialogue that seeking shelter in a cave can be useful, but entering one didn't allow my suit protection to regenerate.
• Revise the resistances on clothing and armor items to be more sensible. A hazmat suit shouldn't have less radiation protection than an engineering outfit. It's clear a lot of this was hand-waved as not important when they decided to nerf the environmental effects.

The odds get more and more slim with each passing day.
My hope tank is on empty and I need a win.
On the outside, I carry on each day. On the inside the little boy loses hope, one day it will run out.
I don't know how much longer I can endure NC from you.
I am expecting some kind of response, even if you text me and tell me to forget about you - it would hurt, but if you're happier without me, then I would have no choice...at least then I would have some kind of information from you. To take a more positive direction in my love life than waiting for my lost love to utter any words to my anxious ears.
My confidence in you has been shaken and the thoughts of future us hang by a thread of hope.
My rational side is telling me I have no time to sit and be sad, no time to wait for some contact from you. No time to wait for eternity for your returned love because that's what I am willing to do.
I don't want to isolate your voice to the smallest part of my heart again because I know how much damage it did to you the first time...I'm not willing to put anyone I love through pain like that ever again..such a shifty way to learn the hardest lesson of love.......loss.
In order for me to succeed in my studies, I cannot have distractions of this magnitude...though, once I am finished. I will return to the place I left you, chances are you won't be there - that's so long from now.
I want to buy a plane ticket today and see you, befriend you again, court you in the proper fashion because it's what we chose to skip in the last life we shared. We didn't get to have the small moments in person that build the trust, that allow us to get to know each other's mannerisms and love styles. We didn't really have that option because we were separated by such large distances...besides, we were in love. We overcame for a while, but I messed it up from the start...and I know that. I'm not willing to do it that way again.
I want to do it the right way, so you can see the effort...so you can begin to trust me again as you once did. We may have been naive, for sure, but it felt so good and so right once we were together.
If I have the opportunity, if I see you in town somewhere...I will start from scratch, like we've never met before...like we've never been one before...it would be beautiful.
I know I still have a ton to learn about myself, about love, about relationships, about you. The time that has elapsed has made us strangers and that does hurt, but it would be such a great way for us to get to know each other before diving into a life of commitment we thought we wanted.
This time I want to be sure that's what we want. I want you to see that I haven't stopped loving you for one second while we've been apart. I loved you with all my heart but I wasn't able to express it in a way that made you feel my love for you.
It may have been my job...it may have been the alcoholic traits I carry...
This time there will be no excuses as I will learn the new you inside and out..
I need to make this happen...maybe I'm going to school in the wrong state. Maybe I need to show some monumental effort that will let you know without one ounce of doubt that I mean every single word I write to you in this space.
I have research to do..it hasn't occurred to me that I don't have to go to school in this godforsaken state..fml!
If you utter one thing to me...tell me you are still living where I think you are. If you are, you should have received my written words by now.
I won't stand by and let you go again, I can't...and if I think about it...I left you and I should be the one to seek you out. I think my intuition is correct about where you are.
I don't want to make you promises I cannot keep, but know this, I will give this the energy it requires.
I've never taken any risk...you took all the risk the first time....and now it's my turn.
I love you will all my heart - you will know very soon what I have decided.
I already feel like I'm leaning that way...I only need information, that's the easy part.
I will come back to you and if we meet, I will make sure that you are the most loved woman on this fucking planet!
Always,
T

(Please bear with me. This is kind of a long story.)
I have an aunt from my dad’s side who I don’t really get along with. She says and does hurtful things to me. Let me give a few examples:

1. I was being bullied at work by my managers and coworkers, which unfortunately continued after I stood up to them and told my boss everything. When I told my aunt that, she said, “That’s why you don’t go tattle.” I felt like, by her saying that, she was telling me that it was my fault that I got bullied, or that I deserved it. I tried telling her that it wasn’t tattling, but she insisted it was and told me I “wasn’t gonna change the world.” That didn’t help at all. In fact, it just made me feel worse. She called me a tattletale and also a tittybaby. When I was telling her the story again one day, I got to the part where I was telling her about how I begged the assistant manager to go home, on the verge of tears, while two of my coworkers were yelling and swearing at me. At that point, she said, “That was being a tittybaby.”
   
2. One night, I was talking to her on the phone and I said that I was having pizza for dinner. Then she sarcastically said, “You can’t live off of pizza, Taylor.” I replied, “I know.” “Well just a couple of days ago, you were eating pizza.” I had pizza twice in a week. So what? What’s the big deal? And what’s it to her anyway? Why is it any of her business? Besides, I didn’t plan on it, it just kind of happened. Honestly, I felt insulted. That’s the best word I can use to describe it.
   
3. I told her my parents were going out of town for a camping trip on my birthday, and she said, “Oh, that was nice. They couldn’t have waited until after your birthday?” implying it was a crappy thing for them to do. I never thought of it that way until she said that, then I accepted it as true. Several days later, I told her that she wasn’t alone in feeling that way, because I told a couple other people about it and they agreed that sucked. Her response? “Taylor, quit whining about it. You’re 22 years old.” She said one thing and then she said something else that contradicted the first thing. I was confused. I didn’t think I was whining about it. It’s not like I told 50 other people about it, just two acquaintances, and the only reason I said that was because the subject of my birthday came up in conversation.
   
4. Sometimes, when I call her, she answers the phone with, “Yeah, Taylor?” in an annoyed tone. Y’know, in a way that sounds like I’m disturbing her from something she’d rather be doing. I feel like she might as well be saying, “What do you want?” or something like that.
   
5. She badmouthed my friend, essentially calling him a shitty, untrustworthy person, all because I told her he told me that a couple of the people we worked with called me retarded and one said to the other, “Hey, let’s bully Taylor into quitting.” Here’s the thing, though: she told me that my mom was a drug addict from the moment her parents died until her death a few years later. She had been struggling with depression and would ask around for pain medicine and, later on, money from family so she could buy it herself. Every few Saturday morning, my mom and I would go to Walmart really early in the morning. For the longest time, I thought I was just innocent motheson bonding time, but because of my aunt, I found out that the real reason behind that was so she could meet her dealer in private. My aunt knew all of that would hurt my feelings, but that didn’t stop her from telling me about it. She argued, “What positives came out of him telling you that?” Well, what positives came out of me finding out that my mom was a drug addict? Hmm? Hypocrisy.
   Because of all this and more, I decided to go no contact with her. I thought that it would only be healthy for me to keep some distance from her. So from January until April this year, I didn’t reach out to her at all. A month or so into this, I even blocked her number. And honestly? It was relieving and peaceful, like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.
   April rolls around and, on a Friday, her husband (my uncle) tries to call me, but I don’t answer because I’m at work. Two days later, I called him back, and he answered. My aunt was talking in the background. Immediately, she confronted me about how she hadn’t heard from me in months, saying that it was wrong and very immature of me to do that and that I can’t just cut people out of my life because they said or did something that I didn’t agree with or pissed me off. Especially family. I told her about a couple of the grievances that I had with her and we got into a heated argument.
   According to her, when she said, “That’s why you don’t tattle,” what she was trying to convey was that there’s repercussions around everything that you do. In other words, actions have consequences. She could punch all of those people in the face because of how they treated me, she would. I asked her if she would say the same thing to a child that continues to get bullied after they told the teacher about it and she said that a child that school and an adult at work are two different scenarios. When you’re an adult and it’s your job, you have to weigh things out and be very careful about what you tell your boss because most of the time, it will backfire and you will get treated worse. And I warned you about this, yet you still did it, so that’s part of the reason why I called you a tattletale, because I was upset and frustrated that you did something opposite of what I said.
   She never said that to me. I don’t remember that AT ALL. I feel gaslighted.
   Her other defense for her using the words tattletale and tittybaby was that I was talking about something that we had already talked about, so her patience was running thin. Then she at least should’ve said, “Taylor, you’re being a titty baby right now,” that way, I would’ve known that she was calling me a titty baby in the present moment and not because of how I acted in the past. But ofc, she still would have been calling me a name. (Btw, I looked up the definition of titty baby, and it means someone who is unusually whiny, timid, or cowardly.)
   The reason why she told me to quit “whining” about my parents going out of town on my birthday was, again, that I was talking about an already-discussed thing and she was just in a bad mood and having a bad day.
   The conversation didn’t go well and we had to end it. An hour later, she sent me a long text message saying that her emotions are raw and her feelings are so hurt. I come to find out that these past few months have been pretty rough on her because her son had a heart attack and almost died and had to spend weeks in the hospital. She felt like she deserved an apology because in that time that I went no contact with her, I could have been at the hospital with her. She said that it’s never her intention to hurt my feelings and that if she did she was sorry. She’s always loved me like one of her own children and how other people treat me are her foremost worry.
   Later, I discovered that she tried to call me and left a voicemail a week before.
   

“Well hey, Taylor. This is your long lost aunt and I was just wondering that I guess I must’ve really said something or didn’t agree with you about something for you to totally shun me for the last couple months. Russell had a heart attack and almost died and things have gone on, yet you haven’t reached out or nothing with me. I love you, but I find it weird. Bye.”
Lemme also note that I’ve tried talking to her about these things and how they made me feel before, but those conversations didn’t really go anywhere. She justified them.
AITAH?
[TL;DR I kept distance from my aunt for a months-long period because she said and did hurtful things to me on multiple occasions and she got upset about it.]