still to me the funniest message board posts i've read were from two sites. the controversial AINTITCOOL dot com website back in the day with the premiere of THE FACULTY and in the review of the film by the extremely controversial HARRY KNOWLES ... the message board let him have it (this was in 1998)

• December 31, 1998 9:09 PM CSTby Vilos CohaagenI went and saw the movie last weekend because I like the director and the cast involved, but man what a steaming pile of horse s**t. I mean the story is just ripped off from Body Sntachers, Puppetmasters and Carpenters version of the thing right down to ripping off an exact scene. Another thing, and this is no offense Harry, but you must have been smoking crack when you typed your review. I've seen more t**s in a Sesame Street episode. And when your close up came when Salma was bandaging your hand half the teenagers in the audience went "eeewwwwhhh" and laughed. Man, call Richard Simmons or something because you have a serious case of tank a**. Your nickname should be Cartman. As for the problems people are bitching about the boom mikes in the shots, that's probably due to some idiot teeenage projectionist at the theater who didn't put the 1:85 aperature in the projector or frame it right. I saw the same thing happen during Seagals Fire Down Below and about s**t my pants laughing. Harry, you have become a sell out. You knock the s**t out of Insurrection, but praise this piece of shit, Godzilla and Armegeddon.
• This Films Sucks Donkey D**ks

The Tank @$$ line i still think of ...
Also on the gorezone dot net site, there were always discussions lambasting director Victor Salva (rightfully so) for his kiddyfiddling ways and in a post about "Jeepers Creepers" some one posted that Salva would be making a sequel to his film "CLOWNHOUSE" with a movie called "BUTTHOUSE starring Michael Jackson"
very juvenile humor, but I laugh whenever I think of these

Hi! Been trying to choose a projector for over half a year now...
At one point got a BenQ TH685p (wanted HT2050a for its RGBRGB colour wheel, but I'm in Europe and it isn't available here). The picture quality was great, but returned due to rainbow effect: I did get kinda used to it and the effect became tolerable, but it still really bothered my wife. A few things we understood in the process:

1. We need a smaller sized device, because our living room is small.
2. We need at least some built-in smart functionality.
3. We definitely prefer a projector over a TV – having a big image size makes all the difference.
4. Finally, we saw an ancient XGIMI Elfin at our friends' place (it's about 6 or 7 years old), and its form factor was to our liking, while the image quality was perfectly acceptable (we're not picky). And we can probably expect it to be even better in the updated models.

The image will be projected onto a white painted wall from about 2.5 m, in a dark room. The resulting image of slightly under 100" is fine. Purpose: family movie nights, with occassional casual gaming. Budget about 600-700 Eur.
The Elfin seems like a decent choice, with two concerns: low contrast and very poor reviews of XGIMI's customer service. It's essentially non-existent, so should something go wrong with the projector it is unlikely to be fixed or replaced. Not great...
Then I stumbled upon Dangbei Atom. There is an awesome review by Laurent Willen on his website. He has one for XGIMI Elfin too and his website is generally awesome! Atom has higher brightness and better contrast, but it lacks motion compensation and costs 100 EUR more.
So each has it's pluses and minuses, with Atom coming out on top. My main concern now is about reliability of Dangbei as a brand. There aren't as many reviews about it as of XGIMI. Is Dangbei trustworthy? Do they reply to emails and honour warranty cases?
Of course, any thoughts and alternative suggestions are welcome too :) Maybe somebody has had experience with both devices?

Vava... Bomaker... I believe Vankyo has a UST... anyone have any experience with any of these brands? Or a similar brand that I didn't list? I'm curious to see how they compare to the now established names like Optoma.
EDIT: Did I seriously get downvoted for asking for projector reviews??

I have 2 Optoma projectors, a GT1080 DLP and a UHD38x, both of which I bought with the intention of playing movies outside during the day. The 1080 is a 3500 lumen and 38 is a 4000. They both claim to be plenty bright enough for daytime play , but both require almost total dark for good picture, or any picture for that matter. Reputable reviews on the 38 agree with it being very bright and good for daytime, but I don't see it. I have tried maxing out the brightness, with no effect. Any ideas would be appreciated. I built a permanent wooden frame for a 180" screen, which I would hate to see go to waste. Thanks.

Why is Dr. Mark Spitzer still on our BoD? Hmmm.
https://www.patentlyapple.com/2024/05/googles-smartglasses-patent-acquired-from-canadian-company-north-was-published-last-week.html
Integrated Laser Package with Light Intensity Package
Google's acquired patent describes systems and methods for providing laser projectors having laser-based optical engines as well as light intensity and/or laser output power measuring (e.g. monitoring) capabilities. According to the various embodiments described herein, an optical engine of a laser projector includes at least one laser source (e.g., a laser diode or a plurality of laser diodes) that may be enclosed in a (e.g. partially or completely hermetically sealed) enclosure. The enclosure may include an optical window (sometimes referred to herein as an “exit window”) that may be integrated with one of its side walls or top surface or that forms one of its side walls or top surface.
Laser light beams output by the laser source(s) may pass through the exit window to exit the enclosure during active operation of the laser projector. The optical engine may support a relatively small substrate area for power monitoring, reducing the overall size of the optical engine. The laser projector or the optical engine can therefore be flexibly employed in a variety of display designs, including wearable heads-up displays or other head-mounted displays.
In some embodiments, after passing through the exit window, the light beams are passed through respective collimating lenses to a dichroic filtebeam combiner, at which light beams of different wavelengths are combined. The combined light beams may then be directed to one or more scanning elements that project the light beams across a display surface of an object, such as the holographic lens of a pair of smart glasses or another type of wearable heads-up display.
While various embodiments described are provided in the context of a wearable heads-up display, it should be understood that the laser projector and optical engine of the present patent application can instead be included in other systems, such as projection engines, lidar systems, sensing systems, ranging systems, external cavity laser diodes (e.g., as an integrated intensity stabilization servo), and/or the like.
It is generally desirable to monitor the laser output power of the laser sources of the optical engine of the laser projector, which allows for improved control over the quality of the projected image or video and enables a controller or processor of the device that includes the laser projector to dynamically limit the maximum output power of the optical engine based on real-time or near-real-time measurements of the laser output power.
For example, laser output power monitoring tends to be particularly important for the design of laser projectors used in wearable heads-up displays due to the generally limited availability of power and space (e.g., volume) in such wearable devices. Conventional methods for designing a laser projector with laser output power monitoring capabilities require a relatively large footprint on the laser projector substrate, which may be a printed circuit board (PCB) to be dedicated to the placement of a photodetector such as a photodiode, to the placement of optical components such as a pickoff mirror, and to maintaining a clear optical path to the photodetector.
In some instances, this footprint may be as large as that of the optical engine itself. Accordingly, it would be advantageous to reduce the substrate area taken up by the photodetector(s) and/or optical component(s) (sometimes referred to collectively herein as “laser output power monitoring component(s)”) that implement laser output power monitoring for an optical engine of a laser projector.
The systems, devices, and techniques described in the patent application may provide a reduction in the substrate area required for laser power output monitoring components, e.g. by utilizing an exit window of an enclosure of an optical engine having e.g. a diffraction grating that may be disposed in or on a primary output surface of the exit window and that may redirect (e.g., via diffraction) a portion of the incident light from the laser light beam(s) output by the laser source(s) toward one or more photodetectors, which may be photodiodes, and which may be disposed across from one or more surfaces of the exit window.
According to various embodiments, the exit window includes a diffraction grating that can be disposed or formed on or in the exit window, and that redirects the incident light from the laser sources toward the one or more photodetectors. In some embodiments, one or more photodetectors may be disposed on a top surface of the substrate so as to receive light that is redirected by the diffraction grating and that is output through a one or both side walls of the exit window. A “side wall” or “side surface” of the exit window may be defined as a surface of the exit window that extends between the primary input surface of the exit window and the primary output surface of the exit window that defines a plane that intersects (e.g., that is perpendicular to) the surface of the substrate upon which the optical engine is disposed.
In some embodiments, one or more photodetectors may be disposed below the exit window and completely or partially embedded in the substrate, such that the one or more photodetectors receive light that is redirected by the diffraction grating and that is output through a bottom surface of the exit window. In some embodiments, the exit window is disposed on a first side of the substrate and one or more photodetectors, which may be photodiodes, may be disposed below the exit window on a second side of the substrate that is opposite the first side, such that the one or more photodetectors receive light that is redirected by the diffraction grating and that is output through a bottom surface of the exit window, which passes through one or more apertures that extend through the entire thickness of the substrate to reach the one or more photodetectors. In some embodiments, one or more photodetectors may be disposed above the exit window on the surface of a second substrate that opposes the surface of the first substrate on which the window is disposed, such that the one or more photodetectors receive light that is redirected by the diffraction grating and that passes through a top surface of the window.
Google's patent FIG. 1 below is an illustrative diagram showing a side view of a wearable heads-up display (WHUD) #100 that employs a laser projector #110, which may be a scanning laser projector. For example, the WHUD 100 may be a pair of smartglasses or a virtual reality (VR) headset. The laser projector comprises an optical engine #111 that includes a red laser diode (labeled “R” in FIG. 1), a green laser diode (labeled “G” in FIG. 1), and a blue laser diode (labeled “B” in FIG. 1), and a scan mirror #112 that is controllably rotatable about two axes of freedom
Generally, it is desirable to monitor laser output power in the laser projector in order to better control the image or video projected onto the Holographic Optical Element (HOE) #130 (i.e., display surface) and to limit the maximum output power of the WHUD. Monitoring laser output power in a laser projector such as the laser projector is typically performed using a discrete pickoff component to redirect a portion of the laser light #120 to an on-chip photodetector. However, such laser output power monitoring approaches require a relatively large footprint on the laser projector substrate. In order to reduce the footprint of laser output power monitoring components, an exit window of an enclosure that includes some or all of the components of the optical engine may be configured to redirect a portion of the laser light through the top, bottom, or side walls of the exit window toward one or more photodetectors placed across from and in the optical path of the top, bottom, or side walls of the exit window.
2Google-smartglasses-fig.1
Google's patent FIG. 2 below is an isometric view of a wearable heads-up display with a laser projector that includes an optical engine.
3Google-smartglasses-figs-2&4
Google's patent FIG. 4 above is a block diagram of a top-down view of a laser projector having an optical engine that includes an exit window having a holographic diffraction grating.
For more details, review patent application US20240154379 published on May 9, 2024.
Inventors
Dan Adema: Opto Mechanical Engineer (formerly from 'North,' Kitchener, Ontario) Timothy Bodiya: AR Hardware Research (formerly from 'North')

Hi everyone,
I am looking for a new 4k blu ray player and need some help deciding which one to get. I currently have two LG players and my biggest complaint with them is that if there is even the tiniest scratch (smaller than 1/2 mm long and half the thickness of a hair) they freeze and skip. I want a new player that is not so damn sensitive.
I have been looking online and everyone suggest either the Panasonic UB420/820 or the Sony X700. But then I see reviews like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5VqM2rDE0c saying that the Panasonic is super sensitive and freezes with tiny scratches or finger prints, and other reviews saying how the Sony has a major problem with freezing. What the hell, are there no players that don't have this issue?
Any input or experience would be greatly appreciated. This is for a home theater with a projector so Dolby vision is not a factor, but I would like it to have decent up-scaling abilities.

Hi everyone,
I am looking for a new 4k blu ray player and need some help deciding which one to get. I currently have two LG players and my biggest complaint with them is that if there is even the tiniest scratch (smaller than 1/2 mm long and half the thickness of a hair) they freeze and skip. I want a new player that is not so damn sensitive.
I have been looking online and everyone suggest either the Panasonic UB420/820 or the Sony X700. But then I see reviews like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5VqM2rDE0c saying that the Panasonic is super sensitive and freezes with tiny scratches or finger prints, and other reviews saying how the Sony has a major problem with freezing. What the hell, are there no players that don't have this issue?
Any input or experience would be greatly appreciated. This is for a home theater with a projector so Dolby vision is not a factor, but I would like it to have decent up-scaling abilities.

• located in Belgium
• budget of €150-250
• main use: watching movies at night in the bedroom in dim lighting with (preferably Bluetooth) speakers
• I buy absolutely everything secondhand, but I'm hesitant when it comes to tech due to warranty (and scams). Refurbished is also an option
• the only online secondhand marketplaces I know are: 2dehands.be, marktplaats.nl or fb marketplace
• sizes and mounting position: I want to project from the foot of the bed (center or side) onto the wall above the headboard, so the projector will be about 2 meters away from the wall. My only other option is to mount it on the shelves alongside the bed, also up to 2 meters from the wall. The projection can be 1m20 to about 1m80 wide
• willing to go a little over budget if the value for money is really good (like a good secondhand deal)

I am just completely overwhelmed.. I don't even know what brands are good, and I feel like none of the models that I come across (in US forums and video reviews) are available over here in Belgium. Ebay is not a thing here and I don't use Amazon.
I don't have a big budget, but obviously I do want to buy something that will last, instead of just getting the cheapest thing and having to rebuy next year.
Is this realistic? Any brands or models I should look at/avoid?

I’m looking for a projector in this price range <$500 and this seems too good to be true. They’re based in Silverwater, Sydney. I’m just trying to get real reviews but can’t seem to find any outside their own website, which is a huge red flag.

I use a Epson 5040ub in my living room with a basic white Elite drop down screen. Picture quality is good when room is dark at night and lights off. I want to enhance my projection experience and have been toying with either a projector upgrade or a screen upgrade. After reading countless reviews it would appear that the newer projectors like the 50050ub are just incrementally better. Not enough to warrant the expense. So I thought how about a screen upgrade to an ALR tab tensioned screen. Amazon has a VividStorm 100” screen ALR Tab tensioned for $650. Seems perfect?
My questions are these. I assume in a lit room or with low lights it should be better. But what about a dark room? That screen has a gain of .8. My Elite I believe has a gain of 1.1. Will my overall picture be less bright?
I know the ALR should allow me to begin a projection session in a dim room better than what I can do now. I’d like that improvement but not at the cost of overall picture quality. Having no experience with screens other than my Elite I have no idea what I’m in for. As to the tab tensioned aspect i haven’t noticed any geometric issues with my gravity based dropped down. So not sure if that’s helping or it’s just a wash.
Just an aside the screen drops down in from of my 77” OLED tv with is used during the day and regular tv duty. The projection system I use exclusively for movies.
Thanks for any insights here.

Welcome back to the Ohio Golf Guide. See my first post here: https://www.reddit.com/OhioGolf/comments/19eq5na/ogg_ohio_golf_guide_first_postsample/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
If you'd like to request a course for review, leave it below.
Here's my latest review:
Course/Location/Par: Chapel Hill Golf Club/Mount Vernon/72
Length/Rating/Slope: White 6034 (68.9/121) Blue 6351 (70.3/123) Black 6856 (72.9/125)
Architect: Barry Serafin
Walkability: It’s a challenging walk, but doable. The biggest issue is that holes 13-17 are across a road and you’d have a long walk to get over there. In general, I’d recommend a golf cart.
Course Layout: Hinted at in the name, the course is built upon a hilltop. The course has a great balance to its layout between hilly, open holes and flatter holes that tighten up a bit. I wouldn’t say that this course has an overarching theme, but most of the holes are interesting and nothing feels gimmicky.
Conditions: Stellar. I played it in April 2024 and the greens are always spectacular here. Fairways and rough are well manicured. The grounds crew here pays attention to detail, and it shows. The bunkers even have sand!
Amenities: The biggest drawback is that the driving range was recently removed. I believe it’s due to some sort of dispute with the church that the range was nearby. Doesn’t sound like they wanted to love thy neighbor anymore. Now there are some hitting nets setup outside the clubhouse to warm up. Speaking of the clubhouse, it is expansive and has a good food and merch selection. Also has a projector setup inside usually playing whatever sport is on TV.
Value: This is one of the best values in central OH, and maybe the state at large. Can usually be played for $40-50 and a round after 2PM can be had for around $35. They also offer unlimited golf sometimes on the weekends for a flat fee that includes food and drink. It’s unmatched value.
Pace of Play: Can be slow sometimes if it’s crowded due to the challenging nature of the course, but it’s not a huge problem in my opinion.
Difficulty: I think it’s a tougher course than the rating and slope would have you believe. There are opportunities to lose a ball everywhere, and the hilly terrain leads to some big bounces offline. It hits the sweet spot well between anger inducing difficulty and a walk in the park.
Favorite Hole (s): 14 is my favorite hole on the course by far. It’s a par 5 with a downhill blind tee shot. Hit towards the radio tower off the tee to find the fairway. From there, you’ll likely have a layup but with the right wind you can take on the green. The green is down a hill and protected by a creek in front.
Least Favorites Hole(s):
8 is probably only bad if you play it from the black tees like I did. From there, it’s a 240 yard par 3 that seemingly is always straight into the wind. I don’t get paid enough playing to need that in my life.
11 is a long par 4 with a narrow tee shot that presents woods to the left and a big hill to the right. Even with a good tee shot you’ll be left with a long iron to an elevated green that has OB deep. The elevated green is very tough to hold due to the forced long iron approach shot.
Overall Rating: Chapel hill is a fantastic public course if you find yourself out that way. Good value and conditions lead to this being a favorite on my personal rankings list. 4/5 buckeyes.

I’ve been reading reviews and forums for days. I still haven’t come any closer to making a decision or knowing if what I want is doable in budget.
Say you had 7500 to spend. To start from scratch. You didn’t want to piece things together too much (don’t necessarily need a turn key kit, but don’t want to source every single part separately). I want to be able to practice, and get accurate shot data. But also play rounds on courses with putting. Is that something that is do able in budget and what would you build if so?
I’d like a screen and projector and the space is a large storage unit so should have 15’ x 15’ pretty easily.

I do not understand why people review projectors but never actually stress test in the review. Xgimi Horizon Ultra projects 100-200in no video of day, evening, pitch black
Hisense C1 65-300 no video of stress test from 65-300in day-pitch black
Dangbei mars pro no video of stress testing.
Can we make a culture change in this realm of projector review. my goodness.

I'm not sure who to trust on the internet, I am scared of buying.
Mainly I want the most silent projector possible, and reviews seem to all lie about this. I have a Samsung the freestyle and it's not bright enough and I find it a bit loud, am I asking too much?

Hi team. I see everywhere on marketing materials and even reviews that this projector does 1080/120. The manual, in the supported video formats, only goes to 1080/60.
Am I missing something? This doesn't actually do 120 does it?
Also comparing it to a benq 3650 for a 100".screen if anyone has suggestions.

When a person expels an unacceptable behaviour or action, it may well be onto another person. Projective identification is used to project the bad behaviour or action into (not onto) another person so it becomes a part of that person. The person then identifies with that other person, and hence has means to control them.The person projected into may consequently be pressured to behave congruently with the projective phantasy, believing and accepting their role. The projecting person may also seek to be physically close to the person into whom the fantasy is projected. Projective identification may also be used to externalize confusing or uncertain aspects of the self so they can be studied more objectively and then re-internalized in a more acceptable form.
The concept of projective identification can be described as a type of defense mechanism or strategy employed by the unconscious mind, that allows an individual to deny or distort reality (create a fantasy) in order to maintain a socially acceptable self-image. Applied to polyamory and ENM this means that projective identification allows the polyamorist unconsciously to deny or distort the million of years proven reality of monogamy and pair bonding as one of the most deep seated hallmarks of the human species in order to maintaim a socially acceptable image despite the attept to rationalize infidelity and systemically institutionalise adultery as well as acitively abusing their spouses and mistreating them. As result, the manipulated victim begins to behave congruently with the projective phantasy, believing and accepting their role, as I have outlined above.
This takes place also or maybe especially during an interpersonal interaction in which the projector pressures the projected into thinking, feeling, and acting in accordance with the projection. In polyamory and ENM this may take place as the nonmonogamist applies pressure and manipulation on a reluctant spouse or proselytize monogamous people into polyamory
In other words, projective identification consists not only in the projection of negative aspects of oneself onto others but also in the pressure exerted on the other for him to act in a way that is congruent with what is being projected. For instance, a polyamorist or a practitioner of polyamory projects his unfaithfulness unto others believing everyone is a cheater, promiscous, und faithful anf monogamy isn't natural. Then, after rationalizing and trying institutionalizing infidelity, they procceed to proselytize others to act in the same way. The polyamorous war and crucade against monogamy, the mass shaming of monogamous people and the phenomenon of the polyamorous industroal and media complex, are all rooted and are expression of said projective identification.
Another form of projective identification happens on the relational level between two partner either by polybombing, enforcing a mono poly relationship on a monogamous spouse by exploiting her or his weaknesses or by trying to manipulate and gaslight a reluctant partner. Projective identification here is the process by which a thought or feeling is projected into the reluctant monogamous partner, then interacting with that person to make him/her experience the projected feeling. As if the other person becomes the container for affect they cannot tolerate themselves. As such and by using tactics of manipulation and gaslighting, projective identification often crosses the line into the realm of emotional abuse.
Projective identification goes also the other way aroung. It is most hazardous when the victim, the person who has been projected onto, intetnalize the content of projection, and starts to believe the agressor, namely the person who is projecting. In this case, Projective identification is when someone has been projected onto, and they internalize those qualities believing them to be truthful. This means that the judgments, negative feelings, or deficiencies that someone cannot accept themselves are then blamed onto another person, who, in turn, due to fear of loss, loneliness or abondonment, gives credence to those statements by rationalizing everything.
While there are many different types of defense mechanisms, projection and projective identification is perhaps the one that inflicts the most collateral damage. When someone is projecting, they are denying their inadequacies, failings, and other negative emotions and parts of the self and displacing them onto someone else. When the other person fell prey and internalizes evreything, the projecting person succeeded in succumbing someone into suffering and the projected on person lives nowin the word of agonizing suffering.
In polyamory this scenario plays out when a polyamorist polybombs, manipulates, gaslights, emotionally blackmails or plays on the insecurities of the reluctant spouses. Quite a seizable size and even great portion of those who engage in monogamy are spouses who were afraid to loose the partner and did not enthusiastically or realy wholeheartedly but quite reluctantly agreed to non monogamy.
In the previois article, I've elaborated on projection as a defense mechanism within the context of cluster B disorder and narcissim and abuse which pervasively overlaps with polyamory and nonmonogamy. To put it simply and ss extinuation, projective identification is a form of abuse that happens when a polyamoristand nonmongamit exhibit narcissitic tendencies, not being able to deal with their problems and past traumas, the shadow side of themselves. Instead of directly dealing with these undesirable aspects of their personality, they use you as an emotional dumping ground, exclaiming, "I don't want these feelings; you take them."
Thus, it is worth mentioning that when they treat you like you're inherently "bad," posessive, controlling, unappealling, dumb, a loser, or worthless, a well know polyamorous and nonmonogamous tactic of monogamy shaming, it's a clear evidence, they're projecting the parts of themselves they dislike onto you. It's a common tactic nonmonogamist and polyamorists share with narcissist, overt or covert. Unlike more obvious forms of abuse, projective identification as a form of mental and emotional abuse, operates on a subconscious level and has a profound impact on the recipient—the spouse or partner of a narcissistic polyamorist and nonmonogamist.
From the standpoint the psychoanalytic theory, what makes projective identification different from "simple" projection is that projective identification combines elements of both projection and introjection. The projector thrusts their emotions, thoughts, or traits onto the recipient and induces a compelling psychological influence that prompts the recipient to internalize and identify with these projected elements. Polybombing as well as polyamorous or nonmonogamous councelling sessions with a reluctant monogamous spouse, are prime examples of projection and projective identtification as a form of narcissistic abuse.
In the above example, this twofold nature turns the reluctant and monogamous partner into an unconscious collaborator in the drama, as they unknowingly internalize the projected attributes as their own. It is not just about the polyamorist and nonmonogamist projecting emotions outwardly but it also binds the reluctant paryner and the monogamous recipient in a shared emotional narrative when they internalize the abuse, blurring the lines between self and other.
Experiencing such projective identification is synonymous with enduring a profound and sustained form of gaslighting which is anothetr aspect of narcissistic abuse as applied by polyamorist and non monogamist too. The constant projection of the partners and often the poly or nonmonogamy therapist's unresolved emotions, fears, or insecurities onto you creates a distorted reality in which the experiences of the reluctant monogamous partners are systematically invalidated. The result is a pervasive sense of confusion and self-doubt, akin to living in a perpetual state of polyamorous and nonmonogamous gaslighting.
Esxperiencing such gaslighting and abuse over time, the reluctant and monogamous spouse begin to internalize the false narrative, the distorted sense of reality, doubting the authenticity of their own experiences. The insidious nature of this dynamic compounds the trauma, as you start to believe you are the one who made up your trauma. Heinz Kohut's, a psychologist, explains that individuals with narcissistic traits have fragile self-structures and struggle with a lack of mirroring and empathy during their development. Their self-esteem is fragile, so when they encounter aspects of themselves they find undesirable or threatening, they resort to projecting them outward onto others
Polyamorists and nonmonogamists use projection as a defense mechanism to be rid of parts of themselves they do not want to face. Polyamorous and nonmonogamous projective identification takes it a step further—it involves projecting and compelling the the reluctant monogamous spouse, actually the monogamous majority, to internalize and identify with these projections, both as a personal as well as collective form of abuse. The spouse and as extention everyone that is monogamous monogamous, becomes an emotional dumping ground and punching bag for the polyamorous and nonmonogamous mental issues.
Imagine a situation in which a a polyamorist and nonmonogamist uses projective identification to inject their feelings of insecurity, worthlessness, unworthiness and inadequacy onto you. In this psychological movie, you would find yourself enveloped in a swamp of insecurity, inadequacy, worthlessness and unworthiness thinking it originates from yourself rather than something your spouse have injected into you. The subtlety of this form of narcissistic poly and nonmonogamous abuse lies in its unconscious nature. As the projector, the polyamorous and nonmonogamous spouse remains oblivious to their role as the emotional scripter, and you, as the the unconcious recipient, are equally unaware of the emotional script being imposed upon you.
Instead of working on themselves through personal growth, therapy, or addressing past traumas, they hand off their emotional baggage to you. Unconsciously, they resort to different tactics, all to make you believe that their shame and self hatred are somehow your own issues. Adding to the complexity, polyamorists and nonmonogamists might unknowingly replay their own childhood traumas while living with you. It is like a subconscious replay button, where they make you feel the same way they did when they were growing up—worthless, insecure, inadequate, betrayed, abondoned, unworthy, ashamed, and in constant fear of loneliness. So, when they behave this way, they pass on their unwanted shame, urging you to carry and absorb their burdon as your emotional baggage.
Based on the theory of Ogden, one can say that projective identification as in regard to narcissism and by extention to polyamory and nonmonogamy has three steps:
a. The unconscious impulse of projecting a painful or destructive part of ones own shadow into another person and of that part taking over the person from within.
b. A conscious interpersonal interaction by means of manipulation and gaslighting brings pressure on other to think and act like the projection.
c. The reintrojection ot internalization of the projection after it is psychologically processed and then internalized by the other. This processing by the other is also an unconscious process.
The drive or the impulse of controlling the other person from within is key to projective identification, and the result takes place not merely in the mind. This is not a virtual pressure, but rather, real one exerted by means gaslighting and emotional manipulation based a multitude of interactions between the projector and the recipient. Projective identification does not exist where there is no interaction between projector and recipient. Though done intentially, the pressure itself is more overt and hidden aspect of behavior. It's message, though unstated, is "if you are not what I want you to be, you don’t exist for me"
As I also said in my article on projection, though highly developed as theories, they are all the same extremely subtle mental projections, garbed in an intricate metaphysical and philosophical phraseology about love, understading, caring and sharing. These ideas are so deep-rooted in narcissists, polyamorists and nonmonogamist, and so near and dear to them, that they do not wish to hear, nor do they want to understand, any teaching against them. In fact, they pervert the meanings of these important values to create a false narrative of their meanings. So, how does it work? Let's see.
Though projective identification is clearly an intrusion and an offence against another person, narcissists and by extention nonmonogamist and polyamorists, distort the meaning of intrusion and gaslighting and paint a cosy picture of the abuse as the most fundamental reflection of their desire to be heard and understood. In other words, through intricate mental processes of distortion, denial, delusion and self deception, the abuse turned into love and the need to be heard. Seems familiar? Of course, that's the first line of defense, domestic abuser use when battering their spouses, for instance.
Narcissists go on to abuse and pervert and very important value of human being wanted to be acknowledge of their suffering. Healthy people seek to air their feelings and their suffering to be acknowlodging. They seek support but they don't wish others to dwell in agony. Unhealthy poeple, look for others not really to perfectly understand their suffering, but they do require them to take on their suffering. Polyamorists as well as nonmonogamists do exactly that. Because it's quite clear to identify this kind of abuse and see projective identification for what it is, an aggressive form of interpersonal violence, the narcissit, the polyamorist and nonmonogamisy resort to a more covert tactic. They, again, describe this kind of abuse and paint a cosy picture of just being another way to look at it as though that it is the most primal and fundamental way of sharing an unbearable experience, and that an act of sharing may be an act of love. When, you hear, for instance, swingers and polyamorista spew the infamous "sharing is carring", those are the extremely subtle mental processes, garbed in an intricate metaphysical and philosophical phraseology about love, understading, caring and sharing, that excuse the evil.
Both projection as well as projective identification are a fundamental concepts in understanding violence and abuse. While projection is more easier to grasp, projective identification is a more covert tactic to be aggressive while appearing to be the nice or the victim. The bully seeks validation, the perverted sense of being "understood" by others, by means of making the spouse and others believe, it's them the problem, while they walk scot-free.
Moreover, projection and projective identification, are not just mere Freudian defense mechanisms, they are powerful tool for justifying aggression, violence and abuse. The narcissist, the polyamorist, the nonmonogamist, the borderline personality, and other people that have regressed to a shallow level, will project accusations like a firehose, they will use them to gaslight and emotionally manipulate the spouse to believe it's not them, the abuser being the problem but the victim itself, and the increasingly wild nature of the accusations will reflect the decay of their mental condition. The cognitive dissonance in the head is reflected by the increasingly contradictory and mutually exclusive accusations they hurl.
In other words, projective identification is a way of getting the proof of that horrible but elusive something about the other person, a way to get group (or personal false sense of) validation, praise, and attention. This quote from Wikipedia is way too technical but let's rephrase it. Projective identification is a term first used by Melanie Klein (1946) to describe a process whereby parts of the ego are thought of as forced into another person who is then expected to become identified with whatever has been projected. Understand it now or maybe not? Well, that may be way too obscure, so let's rephrase it again.The projector strives to find in the other, or to induce the other to become, the very embodiment of projection..... their behavior towards the object of projection invokes in that person precisely the thoughts, feelings or behaviors projected.
Now it is clearer - instead of just making foolish ad hominem attacks, the aggressor tries to bait a victim into giving them the proof they need so desperately to validate their own suppressed rage, anger and hatred. Then they can rally their friends or family for an attack. Bonus points are awarded for gaining sympathy and being the center of attention. The manipulator poses as a poor victim, but orchestrates the whole performance for an audience. I guess it could be used for good, but it seems like it's always a form of aggression, specifically covert aggression. Those processes are very known tactics applied by polyamorists whether they polybomb their spouse, nuke the relationshipwith nonmonogamy or engaging in monogamy shaming.
Probably the easiest way to understand this is to review projection and projective identification and and see the difference. So, how works the twofold nature ofprohection and orojective identification abuse? Here is an example:
First, cones projection:
1) A liar accuses others of lying.
2) The cheater accuses others of cheating.
3) The thief accuses others of stealing.
4) The polyamorist and nonmonogamist accuses others of bein cheaters, unthrustworthy, promiscous and sexually permissive
(Notice how the abuser is, generally, accusing everyone, yet, not accusing them of any transgression, but only the one he's obsessed with namely his own?)
And, then, follows, projective identification:
1) An angry person accuses their victim of being angry, until the victim becomes angry.
2) An depressed person accuses their victim of being depressed, until the victim becomes depressed.
3) The parent constantly accuses their child of being defiant until the child becomes defiant.
4) The person who feels crazy accuses the other of being crazy (projection of bad thoughts) with the intention of making them believe they are crazy ("gaslighting").
5) The polyamorist and nonmonogamist accuses everyone and especially their spouses of being cheaters, unthrustworthy, promiscuous and sexually permissive with the aim at proselytizing them until they succumb and convert to the polyamorous and nonmonogamous cult
(notice how the effort has shifted now to one specific victim, an individual or a collective, until they succumb and, internalize the abuse hurled at them and begin to act in the spirit of the projected incentive)
Likewise, projective identification differs from the simple projection in that projective identification can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, whereby the projector hating certain parts about their existence and nature, carring a perveted or distorted understanding of reality based on self deception carry a false narrative and an intencive to influence and coerce the recipient to carry out the precise content of the projection and its goal so that the projector now get the justification and confirmation that the unwanted parts are no more perceived as bad but legitimate, hence, now other people are having them too. In extreme cases, the recipient may lose any sense of their real essense of existence and become reduced to the passive carrier of outside projections as if possessed by them. This phenomenon has been noted as being rooted gaslighting.
Within the context of polyamory and nonmonogamy, projective identification projective identification become a self-fulfilling prophecy, when the projector hating certain parts about their existence and nature, related to our monogamous parts, monogamous relationships and past traumes telating and resulting from them, carring a distorted understanding of the monogamous reality as well as distorted view of the nonmonogamous nature and based on self deception carry a false narrative and an intencive to influence and coerce the monogamous recipients to carry out the precise content of the projection and its goal so that the projector now get the justification and confirmation that the unwanted parts are no more perceived as bad but legitimate, hence, now other people are having them too. As we have said, in these cases, the recipient loses any sense of their real essense of their existence and becomes reduced to the passive carrier of outside projections as if possessed by them. That's why polyamory and nonmonogamy are abusive and represent a form of intimate partnet violence
The very nature of this behavior is exatcly what is understood as projective identification. It reflects the fact that the assumptions made by the projector about the recipient and reality reveal the projectors unconscious impulses, drives, traits, desires and delusions, their perceptions about themselves, their inner worlds, the others, the othrr's inner world as well as the external world, especially the projector's most primal fears and destructive emotion, attitudes and traits. Because the projector is incapable to take responsibility of them, they project their inner toxicity onto the recipieny, and in doing so the recipient aims at disowning them. This pushing off of unnaceptable aspects of the projector's personality represents the lack of accountability and exibits the narcissistic attemot of blame shifting. It stands at the root of this kind of behaviour. In the projector's unconscious mind this is perceived as the benefit of of the emotional barter deal yearning to avoid suffering by means of deception or escapism, yet, in reality it only creates more suffering.
At the core of this emotional barter deal the principle, the concept or the perception of “as if”. That is, the projector engaging in this defense mechanism is basically creating baseless assumptions of no corresponding reality about the incentives and the nature of the recipient, the external world as well as reality itself. Having created a virtual picture for oneself instead of reality, the recipient, then, goes on to behave as if their assumptions are valid. In other words, the projector engaging in this kind of behaviour projects , perceptions, motives, axioms, and emotions onto the recipient and then identifies with those projected traits and hallmarks, reincorporates them, and acts accordingly. Projective identification is, therefore, a kind of closed circuit, which typically serves a self-fulfilling prophecy, as mentioned above, because it causes the recipient to drown in the projector’s closed loop. This is the stage that is interactive between projector and recipient. Though the projectors maneuvers follow a self-contained loop, they enforce it with such pathos, they draw the recipient right into becoming an active player in the movie that the projetor ha created which has now brought the recipient into the third stage.
What happens when the projector's painted picture or created movie also incorporates promiscuity, infidelity, adultery and an extramarital relationships? Can a projector coerce and manipulate with gaslighting the recipient as enacnct that triangulate which is destructive marriages and relationships? I want not to discuss a term I borrowed from Robert Mendelson that is collusive infidelity and discus it in this exact context and in relation to polyamory and nonmonogamy.
Subsequently and relating to polyamory and nonmonogamy, collusive nonmonogamous adultery or collusive nonmonogamy is a situation where either there is a reluctant partner or one partner is less interested than the other and the more willing nonmonogamous partner unconsciously coercing the other partner to engage in an adultery and a promiscuous behavior with an outsider to the marriage. Neither member of the couple is conscious of the collusion that is the coercive aspect, so that the partner who is already committing adultery or is acting in ways typical of someone who wishes to do this. That is, he or she is either already pursuing an affair, having someone on mind ready to go or just planning in general terms to do so while keeing the secrets and conflict of interest inherent in the practice.
This act requires not only skill in deception, but also denial, distortion, rationalization, compartmentalization and more. To hide an actual affair or planning to do so while encouraging the other partner to think that his or her suspicions are ridiculous or that their unwillingness to do so is a result of ther infiiority, backwardness and unopeness requires a high level of wicked lying and evil manipulation commonly acknowledged as gaslighting. Polybombing, taking a reluctant monogamous partner to poly therapist or even suggesting such a partner tries to hear out and understand the monogamous spouse are some example for such evil behaviour
Collusion, however, is more active than mere enabling which can bemore passive. Coersion by means of gaslighting and deception is the crucial aspect of collusion as I have described it above. Collusion embodies a more active role of involvement in the marital recipient's enactments. In other words, a colludeding may also mean enabling but an enabling is not necessarily colluding. Whereas an enabler simply may simply ignorethe situation trying to adjust to the situation with someone who acts out his or her addictions, the projector's enabling involves primarily conscious and unconscious behaviour, that is, he or she are active agents of coercion.
While collusion means a consciously effort on the projector's part, that is, he or she, both on the unconscious as well as on the conscious level, are planning, plotting and executing a plan, the enabling recipient being more weak or codependent simply allows the situation to happen by turning a blind eye to it or keeps quite as not to shake the boat. Similar to the cheater, a nonmonogamist acting in this way by means of projective indentification, sets a goal and achieves a moral equivalency in which his unacceptable behaviour is whitewashed and he get's the justification he's seeking. The cheater would say, "you see, you also did it, that's o.k." and the polyamorist or nonmonogamist would proclaim, "you see, you did it, it was you being unreasonable". Clear tactics of gaslighting.