Happy wishes for a boyfriend

So my boyfriend is a photographer and occasionally takes his camera around with him to photograph things. He stays at my place sometimes and will leave it behind when he goes home. He hasn’t picked it up for a long time and the last time he came he went to grab it but then proceeded to move it and not take it with him. I’m a naturally very suspicious person because of the previous creeps and stalkers Iv dealt with but it’s just a regular SONY photographer camera (I know a security camera etc.. when I see one) but nonetheless, it’s pointed directly at my bed and has a pretty good scope of the room. Today he called me RIGHT after I ignored his text, when I was laying in direct view and he didn’t sound happy. He’s a very respectful guy and has always been extremely respectful with me but he is paranoid and insecure at moments and keeps a close eye on me and the things I do on my phone etc. not disrespectfully tho.
Either way, can anyone tell me if it’s possible to see through a SONY a73 without it being on or can you use image edge remotely and without powering the camera on?

I feel that I can express myself honestly here since we are all fans. I preface this to say I love Amy with all my heart. At one point I considered myself to be her biggest fan. She taught me how to sing, how to be my own person fearlessly among many other things. Whenever I travelled to different countries the first thing I would do was look up videos of her since certain media are banned/only available in certain countries. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen every picture, watched every video clip, heard every song…
I say this with the utmost love and respect for her and her legacy. Since 2011, I found myself navigating the different stages of grief. I struggled with addiction which seemed to get worse after her passing. My favorite thing to do was drink and get high alone while playing her music. It made me feel less alone and I felt connected to her.
I hit rock bottom and checked myself into rehab. After a few relapses I’m happy to say I’ve been sober for almost four years now. I dreaded the thought of getting sober because I thought life would be boring and pointless. I thought I’d lose my creativity, confidence and everything I thought I gained from using. Now that I’m sober, my life has turned around in so many incredible ways. The journey hasn’t been easy but I am better person because of the work I’ve put in.
Since getting sober, I’ve noticed my anger that was initially toward Mitch, Blake, the industry as a whole has shifted towards Amy. I’m angry that she couldn’t get sober. She deserved to be here and experience her talent in sobriety. I wish she could have looked her demons in the eyes and shown them that she’s no imposter. I mourn the Amy that could have been if she gave herself the chance. The music she could have made, the message of hope, transformation and renewal that she could have shared with the world.
I’m pissed at her because she couldn’t or didn’t love herself enough. She was worth more than what she allowed and I feel like deep down she knew that. As I’ve overcome traumas and taken more accountability for what I’ve been through, I’m gutted at who we truly lost because I don’t think she ever had a chance. Too much talent, money, fame and enablers. I doubt anyone in her position would have survived. I tell myself this, I understand her downfall and yet I’m still angry. Because life is so beautiful when you love yourself. And more than anyone in this earth, Amy deserved to be loved, not just by us but by herself.
We can only point the finger at others so much but the truth is she made her own choices. Mitch didn’t put the bottle to her mouth the final time. For years I believed that she wasn’t actually dead but that the powers that be eliminated her.. It was the only way I could cope with such a tragic loss. For me, sobriety has brought about acceptance but yet a new level of grief, anger, disappointment and yearning.
God damnit, Amy what the fuck!! If I could see her again, I’d slap her and then give her a big hug and never let go. I know how it feels to be alone, an addict and a sensitive one at that. She would have surprised herself, I know it. She deserved to experience how beautiful life could be even if she never sang again or released another record. I wish it was me and not her. But I keep going in her honor and I can smile today knowing that she’s finally at peace if nothing else.

I (22) am looking into CPTSD as a potential reason for my long term complex mental health issues but I’m not sure if I’ve been through enough actual trauma in my early life to warrant this or if it’s just normal family issues and a messed up brain.
Mental health background - I first experienced depression, anxiety and mood swings as soon as I hit puberty around 14, although I also remember never really feeling happy as a child. I swept all of it under the rug due to not wanting to mention it to family until I went to university at 18 and had to live alone for the first time. I completely fell apart fending for myself and to make matters worse I got into an abusive relationship which was on and off for 2 years. At 19 I sought help for the first time and was sent from pillar to post with doctors suggesting depression, bipolar, BPD etc. At age 20 I attempted suicide and was tested for psychosis, the psychiatrist told me I didn’t have it but I should look at an ADHD diagnosis. I was diagnosed with ADHD but still feel there is more going on. Since I went no contact with the abuser I have had new issues develop such as severe insomnia, intrusive thoughts and anxiety attacks, regularly thinking that I can see the person in public when it’s not them.
Possible trauma background - there’s obviously the abusive relationship mentioned where I endured mental abuse, a few incidents of physical abuse and a rape which is a major issue for me to this day having had no support for it. I know CPTSD requires a prolonged trauma but feel like PTSD isn’t necessarily correct given my past mental health issues. There are no textbook traumas from my childhood I remember but I certainly have a few memorable issues, not sure if this is regular family drama though - my mum had my elder sisters when she was 13 and 17, I remember her being incredibly strict to my sisters compared to me particularly my middle sister - ie when she went to meet her friends if she was 1 minute late or even bang on her curfew she would get screamed at for nights on end. When I was about 12 she was kicked out permanently for reaching out to her dad (he was abusive to my mum and an all round bad guy) I listened to them scream at each other every night for weeks before my sister came and told me she was leaving for good. My mum would always tell me as a child that thank goodness I had caused her no problems and I was so quiet and basically insinuated to us all that I was the favourite (I know this is the favourable option but I was only quiet because of the repercussions I had seen). My parents broke up when I was maybe 3 and my dad is in my life but not a support by any stretch, I found out when I was 16 that he was the local cocaine dealer and supplied to people at my school. My mum had a string of boyfriends and another husband from when I was 8 who became my father figure, for her to break up with him 8 years later, making my sister and I break the news to our grandmother who is also a major narcissist and caused me some big issues growing up. My mum is very loving and supportive but obviously has some major mental health issues from her life and struggles to focus on the issues of others, when I go to visit her it’s usually a weekend so we’ll have a drink but she’ll get completely paraletic and talk about herself the entire time and trauma dump even around my friends and partner. I’m just in a tricky situation because on paper I didn’t have a ‘traumatic childhood’ but I don’t know if the build up of everything warrants having CPTSD or if it’s a normal amount of family issues?
I’m sorry for the absolute length of this, trying to wrap my head around it myself

For context, I’ve been hanging out with my boyfriend for four months now, and we’ve officially been dating for two. We split going to each other’s houses pretty well, but I go to his a little more often just because he works during the week, and we live one hour away from each other.
He has had this dog for a couple years now, and it is not trained at all. He has a roommate, and this dog is technically his, but my bf takes a lot of care of it and sees it as his own.
This dog will bark no matter who is at the door, and no matter how long you’ve been gone. Sometimes we go outside to smoke for five minutes, and the dog will bark and growl at us. It also is not potty trained well, so overnight the dog will piss and shit on the floor, and my bf usually takes over the responsibility of cleaning it up.
I have pretty bad anxiety, and some trauma with dogs from when I was a kid. I’ve been working hard over the years to get rid of this fear.
When we first started hanging out it wasn’t a big deal because the dog would bark and not much else. But a little more recently, he started trying to nip at my ankles when we come in from outside and are walking down the hallway. This has really started to trigger me and make me super nervous. I’ve started becoming uncomfortable coming around his place, and when I am over here I am scared to leave his room out of fear that the dog might take another step and jump on me or even bite me for real.
A couple of days ago, I expressed this fear to him. I told him I’m terrified of his dog, that it’s nipped at my ankle twice now, and I am uncomfortable even being in the same room as it. I told him whenever I’m in the same room as the dog I am constantly on edge and can’t focus or do anything except for think about the dog and worry that it’s gonna do something to me. He told me that I shouldn’t worry about the dog, and that I should try to make an effort to make myself known so it won’t bark anymore. I reiterated that it’s hard for me to even be in the same room, and he told me that he would figure something out.
I am just concerned because I’ve “made myself known” for 4 months now and its just now recently started trying to nip at me. I am worried things will escalate.
I don’t want him to get rid of the dog either necessarily. But he just doesn’t understand how horrified I am when it is barking like I start shaking and I almost just have like flashbacks to when I was a kid.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to break up with him over it because I really like him and really like our relationship. I just don’t know how much longer I can try to face my fear before I completely breakdown.
He’s admitted to me before that the dog is clearly not happy living here and that he think it should be taken to a non-kill shelter or given to a family that could take better care of it.
What should I do?
TLDR; Im scared of my boyfriends dog and don’t know what to do. Help!

I want to try and make this a short post… I have been friends with this guy for 4 years. We have always been fwb and I caught feelings two years into it and asked him out. He said no because he didn’t want to drag me along. He’s in the military and does school full time so he’s a very very busy person. I took that as he wasn’t interested in me and he never really hung out with me outside if my house.
So I got a boyfriend and he was extremely abusive and completely ruined my self-esteem and the person I used to be. I’m no longer the same person and I’m currently trying to figure out who I am now. I left my ex two years ago today so Imm not as broken as I used to be. The military guy and I rekindled after I left my ex. Last year he told me that he had always liked me and wanted to make it work, I told him I wan’t sure because I have a lot to work on.
We didn’t make it official but it was definitely more than a friendship. I had said something that upset him but I didn’t know I did, he basically said we shouldn’t date anymore because he has too much going on and he can’t make me feel special the way I deserve. Then he ghosted me for 3 months. In February my sister was murdered and he is the only friend and person I have in my life so I messaged him and we reconnected again. I asked him what happened to us and he said that I needed too much reassurance and that I disrespected him. Which he never made me aware of it and I wish he did so I could have fixed it.
Now we are sexual again and talking about seeing eachother, we live in seperate states now because moved back home when I left my ex. So now I’m confused and don’t want to ask him about what we are or if he’s giving me another chance because I’m scared of the rejection. My therapist thinks I should talk to him and is suggesting that I take sex out of the equation since it makes me think I still have a chance. I love him a lot and have always wanted to be with him and I ruined that chance because I never got to fully heal from my abusive ex. I just wish he had given me a chance because I’m not a terrible person just a broken person…

ch0 -- [already written]. City Alpha of Ikun, Nyektak-pack is in the Bastion, the official City Alpha residence, working through the annual agenda that the Lawspeakers have passed them for Y932. Along the way, they begin discussing what kind of legacy they'll leave behind after they're dead and gone, whether everything they've built will be torn apart in a day or stand for a thousand years. The pack's alpha Nyektak Tun points out that Ikun stands in a precarious position and what they do now will have a huge impact. The economy is stagnating due to jobs being replaced by robots and automation, the environment is collapsing, leading to huge waves of refugees from the equatorial Dunelands. Further, their geopolitical enemy Koranah city-state is rapidly catching up economically and militarily, and sensing blood in the water with regards to Ikun's hegemony, is becoming increasingly aggressive with its foreign policy. Nyektak Nyak suggests that geoengineering can be used to stabilize things, with tools such as weather control satellites and ecological nanobots. However, this is regarded as a critical security threat by Tun, as Koranah is ahead of Ikun in this field, so if a global Climate Control System is created, then it is likely Koranah-based companies and Koranah technology that will tie the whole system together, leading them to have an outsized role. Such a thing is regarded as politically dangerous, as it could pose a threat to the Hegemony even without Koranah overturning Ikun's nuclear monopoly. And it won't even create many jobs in Ikun, so it won't resolve the economic concerns. Nyak points out that it's not politically viable to simply ban geoengineering without the state coming up with a better idea. After a long discussion, it is Nyektak Aykay who finally has a breakthrough idea. They will create a starship to send a military occupation force to planet TRK-16-3 (aka Earth......). Not only will this create enormous numbers of jobs in Ikun to revitalize the economy, but it will demonstrate to the rest of the world that Ikun still has an unmatched ability to project military force even at interstellar distances, and give the citizens of Ikun hope that they can seek out a better life on another planet. Indeed for this reason, it is called Project Hope.
ch1 -- [already written] Nyektak-pack makes an unexpected appearence in the Hall of Power, where Ikun's Lawspeakers convene, looking to make some deals and exert some pressure in order to get Project Hope put on the annual agenda. They have identified that a certain Lawspeaker Ronyr-pack is the most influential pack in the Lawspeakers' Association at present, and so speak to them first, the idea being that they will be able to pull the strings necessary to approve Project Hope. Although Lawspeaker Ronyr-pack are initially skeptical, they agree to assist after Nyektak-pack promises an array of political favors, including guaranteeing that Ikoin Corporation--which Ronyr-pack own significant stock in--will be the main contractor for Project Hope, and reducing the taxes they collect on healthcare workers, who are present in large numbers in Ronyr-pack's district. However, Ronyr-pack is just the first Lawspeaker that Nyektak-pack will have to deal with; in order to ensure that Project Hope actually gets onto the agenda, they also have to make a separate deal with Ronyr-pack's enemy Lawspeaker Radenkiut-pack, who have the second-largest group of allies in the Lawspeaker's Association. Nevertheless, City Alpha Nyektak-pack gets what they want--zero restrictions on raising funds for Project Hope, coupled with a ban on geoengineering tech and directives to pursue sanctions against other city-states that don't join them in doing so, thereby inhibiting the rise of a Climate Control System as an alternative to Project Hope. As Nyektak Aykay points out, these two agenda items reinforce each other; one can't be overturned without also overturning the other.
ch2 -- Icen-pack is a struggling pack of construction workers in Ikun in Y934, who always have to be on the constant lookout for their next gig, as jobs are scarce and hard to come by. They are currently working on a new skyscraper in Ikun's well-to-do District 7, including the flying buttresses that extend over the surrounding roads to interconnect with the supports of adjacent buildings, as typical with Kyanah architecture. Even now they are already even as they work leveraging advanced algorithms to predict the next opening so they can apply before anyone else. Things are made even more cutthroat by the increasingly widespread use of wearable sensors to identify the best performers, and the fact that immigrants from the Dunelands tend to be willing to work for lower wages, which drives pay down for everyone and often forces native Ikun packs to work even harder to justify their wages. As they work, Icen Korak (who, like Kei and Nuyu, grew up in the industry, as their birth-packs worked in construction) laments that things used to be simpler when he was growing up, and packs didn't have to constantly fight against each other to land building jobs, and there were more full time positions instead of the constant data-driven scramble for gigs. Icen-pack's alpha Naiun, as well as Karok, mostly take this in stride, having not grown up in the industry and thus not being as familiar with it, but the rest agree with Korak. Karok points out that it's not a huge surprise, considering how few buildings are being built in the current economy and how even a skyscraper can be built with just a couple dozen packs with current technology, but still nobody is happy with the status quo. They contemplate trying to sabotage the metrics of their coworkers, suspecting that others will do the same to them, taking advantage of the new wearable sensors that are measuring performance; however Naiun insists that they will be fine if they just work hard and be honest, and seeing as she is the pack's alpha that kind of shuts the idea down. They also contemplate having another pair of young, in addition to their current pair Raktan and Tyorek, but money is at present too tight for that. However, Project Hope is announced to the public in an address by Nyektak-pack on state TV. They are initially all a bit confused why Ikun is planning an interstellar invasion, but Kei realizes that Project Hope will serve as a huge jobs program and speculates that this will have knock-on effects across the rest of the economy, and jobs for them will once again be plentiful, putting the whole pack on a hopeful note.
ch3 -- Ryen-pack is graduating from the prestigious Nktan University (in the neighboring city-state of Nktan obviously) and becoming scholars of the first rank. While they all agree they are going to miss the university, they all look forward to going back to Ikun and what comes ahead, as they will be starting work at a prestigious influencing firm in Ikun, basically working with the government to have laws changed for their clients. Ryen Kerok, the pack's Alpha, is especially eager to change the world, believing that they will be able to do a lot of good by influencing the highest levels of Ikun's government for their future clients. Teren is mostly thinking about the high salary that will enable them to have children quickly, whereas young packs in Ikun have to save for years. As for Kaun, she occupies something of a middle ground between the two. Ryen Konyan has the most misgivings about everything, about leaving Nktan University for the "real world", about the possibility that they'll end up working for corrupt clients and doing more harm than good, and about bringing children into a dying world, especially with the onset of Project Hope, which they all agree is stupid and short-sighted, but don't think the government will actually go through with building the starships and launching the military expedition to Earth. They are also concerned about the geoengineering ban, believing that Koranah city-state and their allies will just ignore it, giving them even more control over the future Climate Control System. And so they make their way back to Ikun to begin their careers at the influencing firm Kortak-Dakayan Corporation, a bit hopeful but also a bit uncertain about the future.
ch4 -- some lawspeakers and the city alpha are being shown the initial stages of technological progress on Project Hope in Y935 at Toryak University, the most prestigious university in Ikun. An enormous supercomputer complex has been constructed, using the Kyanahs' signature mechanical computers and is being used to research interstellar propulsion methods. Although many of the scientists are a little skeptical of Project Hope, they do appreciate the huge influx of funding to pursue their research. Nyektak-pack is impressed that the complex has been constructed in only a year (technically it's still under construction, but experiments are already underway as the city-state has imposed some very tough deadlines on them), but as the lead scientist-pack points out, it wasn't so difficult when they had a blank check from the Ikun government. However, they have some bad news: they've been attempting to design an interstellar engine using nuclear pulse propulsion, but despite their best efforts to optimize the design, it will only be able to reach 4% of light speed, which as they point out means that humanity will possibly be more technologically advanced than their own military by the time Project Hope arrives. The main problem is that the casing and detonation mechanisms of the nukes are basically dead weight. It seems that there may be a way around this by using antimatter-catalyzed nuclear propulsion, where small quantities of antimatter are fed into nuclear material to force a reaction without needing a bunch of actual nukes. However, this further has the problem that it will require grams of antimatter, meaning that a huge particle accelerator in the PeV range will have to be built. But if this can be done, the engines will be able to reach the required 7.5% of light speed. Much to the scientists' shock, Nyektak-pack immediately agrees to fund this accelerator. However, in private this prompts an argument between them as they don't actually have available funds, even if they funnel money from non-Hope agenda items into the project. The realize that Ikun can't do it alone while also building the starships themselves, they need funds and technical expertise from other city-states to build it, and will need to use their influence in the Coalition of Cities to get it, possibly in exchange for dipolmatic concessions that may destabilize Ikun's already precarious Hegemony. Meanwhile, we are also introduced to Nyektor-pack, a student of the second rank working on the supercomputing project while nurturing big dreams to someday be scholar of the third rank, at which point they aspire to start a research group to solve the many technical problems that must be solved for Project Hope to be successful.
ch5 -- A certain Ryen-pack--none other than Ryen Kerok's birth-pack--are working at one of Ikun's top universities, where their life's work has revolved around developing ecological nanobots that can break down pollutants in the soil. However, with enforcement of Y934 Agenda Item 579 beginning (banning technology associated with the Climate Control System), their entire life's work has now been forbidden by the government. Even many of their own students have bought into the official propaganda that this technology is dangerous and unreliable, and must be banned, much to their anger and disgust. They have continued working right up until the day the ban comes into effect, but a pack of university administrators orders them to destroy their research as the police will soon be arriving to shut the department down. Many harsh words are exchanged between Ryen-pack and the administrators, but ultimately there's nothing they can do except wipe their computers and destroy their prototypes before the police show up. After this, they reach out to their son Kerok's pack, which causes Kerok to wonder what is going on in their lives and if they want to be ikoin (kyanah term for friends/allies, but more explicitly transactional) but the elder Ryen-pack is retiring and leaving Ikun for the northern scrublands. Kerok urges them to stay and use their brilliant minds to do some good in Ikun, including the younger Ryen-pack's future children (even telling them that they will name one of their young after the elder Ryen-pack's alpha, Ayen), but the elder pack has made up their mind, they're done trying to pursue science while the government keeps interfering with their work, but tell the younger pack that the young are the future of Ikun, and if they want to save the planet, they must optimize their young for the cause, a message which seems to resonate most with Kerok and less with some of the others, especially Konyan.
ch6 -- Aktektan-pack is a large pack with many young who works long and arduous hours at an Ikoin Corporation factory assembling bombs and missiles for meager pay. After another mind numbing and monotonous day of working and getting into petty fights with coworkers during Y936, they head home to their tiny rundown apartment and engage in their typical pasttime of watching TV, especially Ikun's state TV, which triumphantly reports that Project Hope is already proving to be a massive boon to the economy. The fact that they've receieved a small bonus this year further convinces them that this is unquestionably true. They immediately proceed to spend their bonus on alcohol and pro-government merch. After Nedak realizes that their rent has increased as well by the same amount as their bonus, he angrily accuses their alpha Nyaken of mismanaging their money, to which Nyaken accuses the other females in the pack--Karien and Tanun--of laying too many eggs and creating too many mouths to feed, though their seems to be an undercurrent of jealousy in her rants, which leads to a physical fight between the members of Aktektan-pack. Later, Karien reveals that she's actually laid another egg--actually only one, which is seen as a sign of bad luck, as Kyanah lay eggs in pairs. These arguments ultimately peter out as the pack ends up falling asleep whilst watching a rather jingoistic movie.
ch7 -- Ptorya-pack lives in Adronkin, a city-state in the scorching hot Dunelands that is poorer, less developed, and much smaller than Ikun, where they're assistant administrators at a local textile factory. An unseasonally strong and dangerous sandstorm strikes, causing considerable damage to the factory and disrupting operations. Some workers, including Ptorya Llrien speculates that city-state officials including the City Alpha have been embezzling money intended for fortifying local buildings against sandstorms and spending it on luxury cars and mansions instead, but Ptorya-pack's alpha Rytor advises everyone not to ask too many questions about it and just focus on repairing the factory so they can all get back to work. At their home, which is quite small and spartan; despite them being white collar workers in the top 10% of earners in Adronkin, it would be a poor pack's apartment in Ikun; they notice clouds of irritating industrial smog containing lots of coal dust wafting in from the south and find several dead thukukenoids (creatures which float through the air like balloons, filter feeding on airborne spores and vegetation) lying around their neighborhood; Nekyez notes that they seem to have been dying off in droves as of late, though Rytor dismisses this as probably nothing and tells Nekyez not to worry their pack's young children. As they eat their day-meal, the subject of Project Hope comes up; they seem to be a bit bemused about Ikun's plans to launch an interstellar conquest (as Ntreyn points out, "the blue people always have crazy ideas") but they are hopeful about reports that Ikun is reviving its economy and will continue to remain a hyperpower, as they see Ikun and its military as bringers of peace and order, especially as they provided aid and peacekeeping some years ago when Adronkin was struck by a wave of deadly sandstorms. Llrien offhandedly mentions that she sometimes wishes that they were in Ikun and Rytor says that it would take a long time and be very difficult to get in, but concedes that it would probably be better for their young to grow up there.

I hope this is ok to post here.
I am about 3.5 months since the separation, and today is hard. I actually think that initially I was protected by some sort of shock and desire to take control over my life. But now I am just mostly sad and very angry.
Despite therapy, I can't get my feeling of self-worth back. I was left for someone else, so my STBXH jumped into double income and happiness. I am here, sad, betrayed, struggling financially (but because I have been earning as much as him, and I am keeping the house for the kids, I am taking care of the finances by myself in very HCOL area). So the anger is just unbearable, and when I can't take the rage anymore, it turns into deep sadness and self-loathing.
But it does help me to read the posts here and know I am not alone. I imagine the collective pain and try to breathe through it.
I wish I could take a little peak into 1-2-3 years from now, and see that the I am ok and doing better.

About 16 years or so my aunt had an affair, leading to a nasty divorce while my cousins were still young. Time passes by and to this day my cousins, boy and girl have moved out on their own and is still treating their mother like crap and the whole family knows it.
I understand that what she had done was incredibly wrong and I understand the anger that is towards her but I think after a certain period of time she shouldn't be treated as a martyr by her own children after almost 20 years now.
They're incredibly toxic towards her, refuse to do anything for her birthday, finding excuses to not hang out with her, or play the victim card and blame any inconvenience on her when my aunt is not at fault at all.
My cousins make a good money and they are both single. They have good jobs and after everything their mother has done for them growing up, they are essentially spitting at her face each time. They won't even help her with rent or even take her out for ice cream for an example.
My ass is incredibly haunted and extremely depressed. She obviously regrets her decisions and wishes that she didn't go through the affair but all she wants is her children to show her a little bit of empathy and show that they care. They take and take from her, and they keep on taking knowing that if she rejects them in any way even if it means standing up for herself, they will retaliate and close of all communications. They will hold the grudges even more and that's something that they are taking advantage of.
I know what it's like to be in the situation, not the cheating stuff but I know what's it like to hold on to a relationship when it's dying. I feel so bad for her and my entire family is telling my cousins to grow the fuck up and to just leave everything in the past and be happy that their mother is even in the picture and trying her hardest to be there for them.
Both of my cousins are around their 30s and this is getting ridiculous at how much The Grudge has gotten.
And the worst part is if at any point my cousin's know that anyone has heard the rumors or what they have done or said to my aunt, they get very furious with us and will shut us out for a while. This is incredibly immature and just toxic.
My aunt is incredibly special to me and I totally understand why she likes to hang out with me and is very genuine. I show her the love her children never gave her and it makes me feel good that I can be this person in her life. I don't do it because I want to one up somebody, I do this because she's my aunt and I know what it feels like to lose someone. She has always been by my side growing up. However whenever my cousin's find out how much I show her love or know about me taking her out for dinner or giving her a gift once in awhile, they get incredibly jealous.
This makes no sense to me because why are they jealous? They have the time, money to do something really nice for their mom once in a while but they decide not to. They just keep making excuses and stockpiling reasons to keep holding on to the garage just to be toxic towards my aunt.
I really do not know what to do. There's nothing that I can do, but all I can do is support my aunt. What are you guys think about the situation, can anyone give some insight?

I (27f) am planning on moving to San Diego or SF next year! I am super excited from all of the research I have done, but am very torn on where to live. I unfortunately won’t get a chance to visit SF before I move, so I am anxious about finding a place in a neighborhood/area I love. I lived in LA for 9 months and loved the weather, proximity to the beach, ability to drive to so many cool areas, going out scene, everyone was fit, healthy and valued their appearance/fashion, dog friendly places, beautiful parks, and the walkability in some areas.
I have visited San Diego twice and LOVED it dearly, but I worry that this is a city that I would enjoy to visit more than to live. I only say this because although I didn’t pick up on it while I was visiting, everyone in the subreddits always talk about how it is more suburban than city, and I have anxiety around being trapped in suburbia haha. I’m not ready for suburbia but I also despise feeling like the oldest person at the bar in my twenties 😅 in SD, I love the chill vibes, loved the weather, loved the focus on being outdoors, beaches obviously, bar scene I thought was pretty cool, etc.
My long term boyfriend might be moving with me but he is unsure d/t his job. I want a place I can be super happy living solo and meeting friends just in case it ends up just being me moving. Late twenties feels like a weird time and I want to live a thousand lives in one, so I worry about making the right decision in where to move. I have flexibility with my job (nurse) to move pretty much anywhere, so if there are any other awesome cities you can recommend in CA I’ll take them too! Also for reference I currently live in NYC so I know big city energy; never have actually lived in a beach town because even in LA I was in silver lake. Any advice is appreciated, thanks!

as the days pass, i find strength in his death, to push me forward to achieve my own goals knowing i’m doing it for him too. the day he died i pinky promised to him that i would achieve all our dreams for us. (more specifically, i would achieve my own goals and not let depression take from me what it took from my best friend.)
the first year i lived without him, was blurred by grief and pain, maybe even the first two years honestly. one day i just woke up after 1 1/2 years of depression and it wasn’t a conscious choice, but i felt i could for once finally feel okay when i thought of him, i thought of his smile and his joy. for once i stopped imagining his pain and death which is all i could imagine for the first two years. i try to be strong. his death really put my life off course. i already had been struggling with severe depression for years and we were only 19 years old so when he died i just lost myself for awhile. i got fired from multiple jobs the first year because i wouldn’t be able to sleep or even manage to get myself out of bed. i lost all my friends, to this day, i can’t maintain a friendship, i think deep down i compare every friendship to what i had/lost. he was the most kind hearted and loving human. he was my light who kept me here safe so many times. even the day he died he sent a 13 minute voice message encouraging me to not take my own life and to keep going and that he knew i’d be okay.
i feel really alone with my grief because i can manage my day to day life now, i don’t talk to anyone about my best friend, yet he’s always on my mind. sometimes i crumble under the grief. today is one of those days. i thought i’d been making good progress lately but just the mere thought in the back of my mind that his death day is coming up soon, making it another year without my sweet best friend, it just kills me deep down. it’s like nothing else really matters i just want to sit and grieve and miss him. i wish i knew how to be strong and be okay enough to forgive myself for all the mistakes i made for the first two years after he died. yet i find myself being mean to myself saying other people can manage so why can’t i. i also lost two other people i loved dearly through those two years of grieving my best friend. i feel like the grief just overcomes everything else some days and i just am sad. i hate feeling sad, it scares me and makes me uncomfortable these days. i just wish i knew how to feel better and i hope that his death day approaching doesn’t cause my life to turn upside down. i lost my job and got admitted to the hospital last year this time. i’m just so scared because i have no one to talk to about it. my family is amazing and always lets me talk to them about it but i adore them and their happiness and i don’t want to bring up such horrible thoughts :,(

I (27f) am planning on moving to San Diego or SF next year! I am super excited from all of the research I have done, but am very torn on where to live. I unfortunately won’t get a chance to visit SF before I move, so I am anxious about finding a place in a neighborhood/area I love. I lived in LA for 9 months and loved the weather, proximity to the beach, ability to drive to so many cool areas, going out scene, everyone was fit, healthy and valued their appearance/fashion, dog friendly places, beautiful parks, and the walkability in some areas.
I have visited San Diego twice and LOVED it dearly, but I worry that this is a city that I would enjoy to visit more than to live. I only say this because although I didn’t pick up on it while I was visiting, everyone in the subreddits always talk about how it is more suburban than city, and I have anxiety around being trapped in suburbia haha. I’m not ready for suburbia but I also despise feeling like the oldest person at the bar in my twenties 😅 in SD, I love the chill vibes, loved the weather, loved the focus on being outdoors, beaches obviously, bar scene I thought was pretty cool, etc.
My long term boyfriend might be moving with me but he is unsure d/t his job. I want a place I can be super happy living solo and meeting friends just in case it ends up just being me moving. Late twenties feels like a weird time and I want to live a thousand lives in one, so I worry about making the right decision in where to move. I have flexibility with my job (nurse) to move pretty much anywhere, so if there are any other awesome cities you can recommend in CA I’ll take them too! Also for reference I currently live in NYC so I know big city energy; never have actually lived in a beach town because even in LA I was in silver lake. Any advice is appreciated, thanks!

I(23, hearing) am engaged to my fiancé(23, hard of hearing). In his family his mother is also hearing, his younger sister is hearing, and his father is Deaf. My fiance’s mother knows asl fluently. I also know asl fluently, I grew up using it due to having autism and going non verbal sometimes so my mother encouraged me to learn it and learned it herself so I had a way to communicate besides having to speak or write. I met my fiance about 5 years ago through a mutual friend of ours, and we got engaged a few months ago. Despite having two direct family members that actively use asl to communicate his sister never learned asl besides the very basics. His family tried teaching her from a young age but she wasn’t very interested and her mother ended up just translating anything important for her, meaning that of course she’s not very close with her father or her brother because she didn’t bother learning how to communicate with them ever.
I’ve gotten along with my fiancé’s mother and father very well since i’ve met first met them. Recently his sister came up with the idea that the three of us go out to dinner or lunch together every week or two so she can spend more time with my fiancé with out it being awkward with their mother translating for them. My fiancé agreed and I had no issue translating for them to make communication go smoothly.
We all went out together 3 times but after the third dinner the second my fiancé and I were alone in the car he started crying. He expressed to me that he just wanted to get to know his sister and this seemed like the only way to do it but sitting there every time being reminded of the fact that she never even bothered to learn to communicate with him so they couldn’t have known each other better in the first place hurts him so much. After we went home and a few hours of calming down we had a detailed conversation about how much it hurt him to know that she didn’t care enough about him or his father and that’s never changed, he also added that it might not fully be her fault because their mother enabled her not learning by just agreeing to translate anything for her. He came to the decision together that he is no longer interested in getting to know her if she has never been interested when it wasn’t convenient for her. We decided together that i would no longer translate or help her out help her out in any situation regarding that.
A few days later I called her and politely informed her of this decision and said that it was what we both decided on and to please respect his decision. I wished her the best of luck, and needless to say she threw a tantrum and I ended the call by telling her that if she wanted to know him so desperately and suddenly she could learn asl and even offered to help her learn. She almost instantly ran to their mother and spun some story that i was refusing to translate trying to driving a wedge in between them. Their mother called me and I once again asked politely as possible explained what was decided on and said that this is a boundary my fiancé has decided on and that his sister needs to respect that. Once the situation was cleared up his mother was a bit more understanding but still felt as though i was slightly at fault and that i should have tried to convince him otherwise instead of encouraging him, she claimed i should have insisted family is more important then little things. she also made the argument that at least his sister is trying now even if she hasn’t been perfect in the past and that’s she’s only 20 she’s still so young and busy with college that she can’t possibly learn right now. I told his mother that although i appreciate her opinion if she was truly trying she would have learned a long time ago and reminded her that she meet her husband in college and learned asl for him and she did that just for a boyfriend not even a family member. I reiterated to her that they both needed to respect his boundary then ended the conversation.
My fiancé’s father is 100% on our side and supports his decision thinking that his sister should have learned a long time ago but his mother and sister have both been pouting and don’t want to see my fiancé at the moment and absolutely refuse to speak with me. My fiancé feels stressed and upset about this whole situation and didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings and I reassured him that it’s his right to set boundaries and to stay strong on them, if they cannot except that it’s not his fault. I already didn’t have a very high opinion of his sister quite frankly but i’m disappointed in his mother and I feel upset for him because i know he values his relationship with his mother but still fully believe that it’s insane of her to have expected me to have ignored how he felt entirely and told my fiancé family is more important then your own feelings. Despite my feelings and thoughts on the issue I wanted another opinion that was unbiased so AITA?

Every time I ask for “advice” that deals with plus size issues the comments I get on the SAME thing is so annoying. Like I could be asking in a Reddit group or a group on any social media platform about some local clothing stores that cater to plus size people or like any good products that can help with just girl issues like chafing or good places to buy bras for the bigger chested ladies or something of the sort. I get the same answers “Try going to a gym” or “insert gym name here” or “try losing weight” or any comments like that. Like I didn’t ask for weight loss advice or places to work out. It’s just so exhausting having these answers. Now I will say I’m a 2X/3X, I generally do eat good, I don’t have “junk food” often and I eat good food where I’m satisfied, but still add in healthy foods and/or choose better options. But just because I’m plus size doesn’t mean every answer is loose weight. I’m pretty happy with how I look at the moment and how I am and I’m maintaining a healthy(ish) diet and if I do loose weight great, if not that’s also great. But I just wish people would not give unsolicited advice on my diet and my weight and tell me things to “fix it”

I (17f) am dating a boy (20m) and I feel so horrible about saying this but sometimes I think about breaking up with him. We met through one of our mutual friends almost 7 months ago, instantly clicked and started dating a month later. I honestly love everything about him but before we started dating he'd say that he only dates to marry and the relationship we had was just casual but since at the time that's what I was looking for too so I didn't really pay attention to it but as time went on we developed feelings and fell in love. I absolutely adore him but sometimes I feel kinda trapped, like when I think about starting college soon and all the people I want to meet and things I want to try but I know he probably wouldn't approve. Sometimes we'll talk about the future and he says he wants to make me his wife and have a family it makes me super happy but a little part of me feels like id be missing out on my life now. He tells me stories of him growing up and hes done a lot of things and has done stuff that if I did he'd probably break up with me. he has told me that he's done basically everything he's wanted to do and just wanted to settle down in his career and in his life but Im the complete opposite.I feel bad for saying this but he's also had A LOT of "experience" with different people meanwhile l've only done it 2 (not so great) times with men before him and ive never been in an official serious relationship before, this is relevant to me because I am bisexual and though l've flirted a few times, ive never dated or been sexually with another women and that's something I definitely want do. I sometimes feel like I just threw away all the plans I had for myself for the future just to be with him and do whatever he wants. I just feel horrible because sometimes I think about people that have flirted with me want to do things with them but I would never actually because I have a boyfriend. Please someone give me advise of how to deal with this.

Why did I get such a shitty life? What did I do to deserve to be the way I am? Why does the world hate me?
I wish so badly to get a new and better life. The one I have is awful. I hate everything. I just wish I could change everything with a snap of a finger. I hate being in constant pain, both physically and mentally. I just wish there was something that could be done. Instead I’m grasping for hope that’s not even there. I have to stop myself multiple times a day from hurting myself. And my suicide ideology is a constant thing in my mind. The world is always against me and I just want to throw in the towel. I know my happy days are long gone. I can’t even remember the last time that I was truly happy without faking anything. It just sucks seeing everyone around striving in life while I’m stuck. Maybe I’m just better alone and and far from people. They have the world going for them while I don’t.

I’m now engaged to a mutual friend, who is absolutely the man of my dreams. The situationship was a few years ago and my fiancé and I even went to his wedding last year. During the wedding, my fiancé got a close up view of how much of a scumbag this guy was. So right after we left the reception, we unfriended the groom on every social media.
The wedding was eight months ago but he finally realized we unfollowed him so he unfollowed us today. I only know this because he would watch literally every single one of my stories (I don’t have a huge following).
I wasn’t expecting to feel this lump in my heart when we have not talked since the wedding, and I don’t have any more feelings or desire toward him. If anything it’s a feeling of disgust, feeling better than him, and wanting justice for how he treated me. I liked how he saw me succeeding in life while I know he’s not happy in his current marriage.
I know this hurt feeling will pass with time, maybe a really short time. But it kind of confuses me that I feel anything at all. Sort of wish that guy knew right away months ago. But it also makes me even more grateful to have the love of my life now who never makes me feel that kind of pain and anxiety.

Mostly the title!!
(Disclaimer I don’t think one having an addiction to one’s phone is a character flaw— the phone is doing what it was designed to do!!)
My 10Y NK got an iPhone last fall and it’s changed him so much. Yeah, a small part of the changes are inline with prepubescence, but a large part of the shift relates to his phone.
Pre-phone, NK enjoyed going to playgrounds, long walks in the park, card games, city adventures, going to the library, drawing, posing and photographing marvel action figures, discussing pop culture, play dates with friends, overseeing and reviewing my baking, and more! We’d hang out most of my shift and he seemed happy most of the time.
Post-phone, he won’t/doesn’t want to do anything listed above anymore. All the things he used to enjoy came to an almost screeching halt. He’s now reclusive, declines all invites to hang from friends, and doesn’t engage in conversations much anymore. He refuses to go on adventures, not even for ice cream! If older brother (13Y) and I make him go, he will be real sour and gripe-y… just asks when we are going home. He’s sucked into watching tiktoks and scrolling for hours at a time. If I ask him to put the phone away to be present, he’ll either sneak off to his room to be on it or will pull it back out after a few minutes and I have to remind him again.
I’ve always had a standing rule of no phones/devices in the car for the last three years. We are in the car a lot and I think there is value in being bored in the car. Both NKs thought it was lame at first, but got used to it. If the boredom is just too much, I have a tub of cards, brain quest trivia decks, and fidgets in the back they can dive into. Since getting a phone, I literally have to lock 10Y phone in the glove compartment bc he just cannot stay off it. His brother and I got really sick of reminding him multiple times to put it away every time we are in the car.
Truly, I could care less if he’s grown too cool to hang out with me anymore... I’m fine! I’m worried more about his social + emotional health and development! Only a few of his classmates he’s not friends with have phones. At first I thought maybe the shift was something going on in his social circle or he was being bullied. I reached out to his friends nannies and nothing! They said their NKs miss him and are always asking when can he can hang out.
13Y brother has shared with me he sees the same shift and wishes his parents would have waited longer before getting little brother a phone.
I’ve brought up my observations & concerns with NP and they aren’t that concerned. They don’t believe in parental controls or policing the kids screen time. Both believe kids can monitor and show restraint independently (mind you they themselves are extremely attached to their phones).
TLDR: Once social, adventure loving NK given unlimited access to iPhone. No longer interested in things he enjoyed previously, friends included. Prefers to be in room alone to watch videos and scroll for hours. Wish NP would have waited!

I am going on a spiral although I am not in a dark place to sewer slide anymore I’m not in danger
I desperately want plastic surgery. I have no savings or money as I am a broke college girl. I would do anything (legal) to get it. I am so tired of looking how I do. I am so gross. I attempted sewer slide 2 but failed because of this. If I had the body I wanted I would be happy. I hate my body it’s so gross. I wish I had better features. I just hate this feeling. My sisters don’t understand my struggle because they are stunning. They constantly tell me to shut up or that I’m being crazy. I am so distrustful of my boyfriend. I only think he is with me because of my personality. He gets mad and upset every time I ask why he is with me. I love him but I feel like he could do better and tried to leave him 3 times. He always says “i love you for you” He has said if I get plastic surgery he will will consider leaving me. I don’t think everyone in my life that loves me understands how much of a big deal this is for me. I know they are lying because I was bullied in high school for it. They are being nice and I’m so done with it. I felt this way my whole life and it just has made me so bitter and hateful towards myself. Im so insecure. I’m just so tired of living life this way it’s so annoying.

So, I haven't had any surgeries, only been on e for 14 months, spiro for 8, and my results have been slow, slower than most. Like, fat is still mostly on my gut, breasts are just moob sized, I just look like a slightly chubby man. My hair's tied up, my clothes have oilstains, I'm boymoding because of work on my way home and stop at a convenience store for a drink and a homeless man by the door asks for change but uses ma'am, ma'am and I had to take a moment to look around just so I'm sure it's me he's speaking to (probably seemed rude to the man but like, really just suprised) and it's just he and I there.
I know I should probably be like happy or something to that affect but it's mostly just confusion, and a bit of concern. I work in a really conservative field and I'm not sure if malefailing is something entirely desirable while I look so rough, and I'm still not sure what gave it away, I wish I knew so I could maybe lean into it when presenting femme. Idk, vent over or whatever.

I have a beautiful fiance. A fantastic job. Good money. I’m stable. Have friends. Loving Family and all my life in front of me as I’m not even 30. A house. But I don’t see myself living for a longtime in the future. I don’t want to die. I’m not looking at killing myself. I’m just saying I’m unable to be happy. All I’’ve ever felt in the last 20 years is pain. Physical pain, but also pain of not being normal. I know I’m passionate about what I do, I work fucking hard and I know I could do so much more, but I can’t just because every time I try to force myself into being somewhat better, I fail becaude of the pain. I’m tired of this. I can’t keep up. I don’t know what to do. No one understands me. I want to have kids but I could never want them to suffer like I do every day if there’s ever a slim chance that they suffer likeI do. I know i’m not that cruel. I guess this is just a text in the void to complete strangers that may or may not understand what I feel tonight. But that’s how I’m feeling. Guess if I lived 20 yesrs in pain I can do it again 3 times and die of old age at 90. But it’s going to be a long ass life. Thanks for listening to my Ted talk and see you in my next existential crisis next year.
edit to add a following: This is not a cry for help. As well as me you all know IBS has no cure and is just chronic pain that will not leave. I know no one can help. This is really just a pure rant. Tomorow will be another day and I’ll feel better. But tonight I’ll cry myself to sleep and wish I could be somebody else.Somebody that coule at least have a proof that he is suffering to stop habing to make excuse for his weakness.

“My road has been long and weary, friend”, my annoyance with the bartender was surely obvious. I snatched the whiskey coke from the bar and sucked it down greedily.
“All I’m sayin’ is that it’s noon on a monday there, bud”, his cigarette-charred throat made him sound rougher than his years. Bud… I never really cared for that word, bud. Especially considering I was at least a hundred and fifty years his senior.
“I got all the time in the world”, I sighed, motioning at the empty glass. Without hurry, he refilled the cup. I turned from the bar and scanned the rest of the room, studying the empty chairs waiting for their next patron to arrive. Aside from the old farmer nursing on a corn-themed Busch can, it was utterly empty. It was days like these I hated the most.
I’ve spent many monday afternoons in taverns like these. I’ve also spent them rebuilding our nation after a bloody war, taking part in two more bloody wars overseas and helping countless folk along the way. I watched the Red Scare pull at those old seams, starved with my brothers and sisters during the depression and everything between. Somehow, someway, days like these were even worse.
Lethargic gluttony.
In all my years, all one hundred and sixty eight, this is far and away the most prosperous. It just seems that nobody cares. No more comradery through the pain, or maybe pain brings comradery? I think so.
One hundred and forty six years since I drank the water from a nondescript stream in the backyard of our childhood home. Sweet Lips, what a fitting name for the town it all started in.
I started a family once, maybe a decade after I’d first drank that crick water. We, Mary and I, had two kids, one who survived. I wish that I could say it was a happy life we led but she grew… suspicious. As we approached our 60th cycle around the Sun she became suspicious that my 20s-something face hadn’t aged a day during all that time. She fled and I wandered on alone.
I wedded twice more. My second wife, Isabella, took my things and ran off with another man… another man who I will get to later. Finally, there was Elizabath. Oh, how I loved that little spitfire, her sweet, freckled face. We’d met at a pub in the Bronx a couple years after the end of the second world war. I went to great lengths to hide my past, to hide how long I had really been around for. If it wasn’t for the brain cancer, that little spot on her pituitary gland, then I’m sure she would’ve found out and left anyways. That’s what I try to tell myself.
I will never love again.
“Ya’ alright there?”, I jumped, turning from the window back toward the gravel voiced gentleman staring uneasily my way.
“Just fine, the sunshine feels good”, I relished the dim warmth radiating from the window for a moment longer before shuffling back into the dingy midst of the Green Bottle Blues Inn. I hadn’t been to this bar before, though it felt similar to the hundreds of others I’d visited along my journeys through the American midwest.
“Another?”, the gravel-voiced man was washing out a glass in the dirty sink behind the bar, a damp towel clung limply to his shoulder.
“Sure, but I oughta’ get goin’ afterward”, my smile felt even emptier than the glass I slid toward the man. He glanced at me quizzically before pulling the bottle of whiskey down from the top shelf. I suppose, with enough time, you can afford even the finer things.
“What’s your name, fella?”, he returned the smile though his brow remained furrowed. He was studying me. No surprises there, fella, I’m a couple steps ahead of you.
“Tom, just Tom, not short for nothin’”, I replied, bringing the amber liquid to my lips. I took a deep pull and met the mans gaze. His eyes widened as he took an obvious step backward. Slowly, however, that professional smile returned to his lips.
“What brings you back here, Tom?”, his hands had disappeared beneath the bar, though his eyes stayed level with mine.
To these folks, I was the antichrist. I suppose I can’t blame them for the aggression.
“I was thinkin’ about paying my old brother a visit, as I’m sure you know”, I shrugged, struggling to get the last drop of Drambuie from the glass.
Truthfully, I hadn’t been welcome in Sweet Lips ever since my brother and I fell out all those years ago. All those decades ago. He chose a different route with his immortality.
The gravel-voiced man stiffened, revealing the double-barrel shotgun he had fished from underneath the bar. He stuck the barrel directly in my face.
“Jesus, you treat all your customers like this?”, I replied coolly, still clutching that empty thing in my hands. The man seemed to buckle a bit and laugh, a nervous chuckle it was.
“No sir, nobody but you”, he straightened himself up, revealing his massive frame. Big man, big man.
I stood slowly, leaning in close to the mans face as the barrel of his gun drew further back. His eyes were hectic, seemingly shaking in their deep sockets.
“He’s lead you astray, y’know”, I bared my teeth, my teeth which would've been dust if not for the water in that little stream.
The only thing that hurt as much as Elizabath, maybe even more, was watching my dear brother grow so bitter through the years. The only other person who shared this curse with me had chosen to do harm to those around him. It makes me sick.
I gripped the glass more harshly, swinging my arm toward the man's face. Suddenly, something stopped. I turned right and noticed the thick, rough hands clutching at my arm. The old man. The fucking old man.
The gun butt swung, and the world went quiet.
The church spire stood tall and obscenely white against the cloudless sky, bending almost imperceptibly at its tip like it was a misplaced set piece of a Tim Burton stop-motion film. Curled, decrepit grass jutted from underneath its foundations like dying hands reaching for help. A well made of gray stone and mortar resided no more than ten yards in front of the vestibule.
Two men clung at each arm, though I doubted I could make a run for it in my current state. A circle of various people surrounded the well, all of them were adorned in either red dresses or red suits.
In the very center of the group, standing directly behind the well, was an all-too-familiar face. He smiled, a hideous grin.
“I knew you’d come”, he hiccupped, trying to stifle a laugh. I could only watch helplessly, my obliterated nose filling my mouth with the coppery taste of blood.
“Tom”, his smile fell flat, his eyes burning through me with all the horrors of a thousand lifetimes, “I wanted you to have a front row seat”.
My brother, Timothy, began pulling at the rope hanging deep down in the well. A bucket, like most wells, was at the other end. He produced a knife and sliced the buckets fraying rope, careful not to spill any of its contents while doing so.
Timothy fell to one knee, presenting the receptacle to the man standing to his left. He accepted, bringing the rim of the bucket to his lips and taking a deep, satisfying pull. The man smiled, a sinister, deviant smile before passing the bucket onward.
“Soon, Tom, this world will be ours”, Timothy declared, his face remaining flat and emotionless.
As soon as the last of the townsfolk, the last member of the Sweet Lips Congregation, took a swig from the well water, the men released me. I fell in a heap. I never thought he would share the water, I knew I should’ve come sooner.
“Let him go, he’s gonna need a head start”, the immortal man spat.

I ‘25/F’ have been dating my boyfriend ‘27/M’ for a little over 3 years. We currently live together and I pay most of the expenses since I make more than him currently. (I make around 78,000 a yr while he makes a 15 an hour which would end up being a little over $26,000 a year). He has been working at a coffee shop which he enjoys most of the time since he lost his job 6 months ago. We split the rent 50/50 but I cover all other expenses groceries, trips, etc. he just got offered a job in a career that is he got his masters degree in. The problem is the job is across the country and they offered him a little less than what he was hoping for. This job offer $23 an hour with paid overtime and benefits. Currently at the coffee shop he makes $1100 (including tips and taxes taken out) every pay period and no benefits or pto. I work in a career field where I could most likely easily find a job wherever I go and am kind of excited to move as this place seems like a great city to live in. Not to mention a we would get a financial relief. We have talked about me staying where I am for the time being until he gets more settled in to the new place and is sure he likes the job and his employers like him before I move too.
I thought he would be really excited about the job offer but now he is thinking about not taking it. He is worried he won’t like the job and would be sad to move out of our luxury apartment to live on his own for a little bit. He also brought up being sad to leave the community he has at the coffee shop and really enjoys his flexible schedule here. He is also worried about the pay being to low from his recent job offer. He has been really depressed lately because he has been denied from several places he has applied to over the past 6 months. So I am really worried he will regret not taking this job if he doesn’t get another job offer soon. And was hopeful a new job would bring him better spirits and overall make him happier.
I have advised him to take the job offer and to continue to look for jobs and take interviews and if he finds something better to just decline the offer close to his start date or leave the job if he has already started. I think it’s a great opportunity to at least get his foot in the door and gain experience in the industry he got 2 degrees in. If he really doesn’t like it he can move back in with me and most likely get his job back at the coffee shop as they really like him there. However he is still saying he is really on the fence about it and isn’t sure if he will accept the offer as he isn’t sure he wants to go back to a desk job.
Is it ok for me to bring up our salary differences now? I feel like I spend a lot of my money on him and I am usually happy to do so as it ensures I get to live the lifestyle I want with the person I love! However with the thought of him making more I did get really excited thinking we would split things a little more evenly and I’d have some money to spend on myself to maybe update my wardrobe, finish paying off my car, and pay for a pottery class etc. I used to only spend about $80-$100 on groceries before I met him but now I pay around $350-$400 a week in groceries alone as he really eats a lot and only like organic, free range, high quality ingredients. I really wonder if I wasn’t paying so much if he would be more willing to take the job. I also don’t want to push him to take a job if he really doesn’t want it. I don’t think you should solely take a job just because you would make more money but I do think whether he takes or declines the job it will affect our relationship. Am I being to materialistic in waiting him to take this job?