My facebook friend has their wall hidden from me
selfies of the soul
2012.10.26 23:27 devtesla selfies of the soul
selfies of the soul human posters only, bots go home if you want to post, send a modmail asking to be approved
2009.11.23 04:28 /r/French
Bienvenue sur /French ! We're an inclusive community for those learning the French language. Read the sidebar before posting!
2015.04.22 06:28 SwagmasterEDP the thicker the skin, the better the roast
Roasting (v.) - To humorously mock or humiliate someone with a well-timed joke, diss or comeback. (As defined by urbandictionary) Hone your roasting skills, meet other roasters, and get yourself roasted! Everybody needs to laugh at themselves! And other people, of course!
2024.05.29 04:43 Usual_University_938 AITAH for doing exactly what my boyfriend does?
My (22 F) boyfriend (22 M) follows and saves pictures of girls on his phone. At first I had a problem with it, but when I brought it up he said I was insecure and immature. So, I started to do the same thing. He didn’t seem to fazed, but had slowest started to keep an eye on me when I was using my phone. Recently I found that he has been saving girls profiles from Facebook, even girls that live near us, who he thinks are hot. Now he never reaches out or friends them or anything but he saves their pictures to his phone. As a result I started posting more risky pictures online. Instagram, Snapchat, threads, Twitter. Wherever I could, I posted. He always told me that he never would have a problem and didn’t see the problem with saving or liking other girls photos as it doesn’t count. But now, suddenly, that I have started to post online and gain attention, that I don’t respond to, he is upset. He says that all the guys that follow or save my pictures are losers and he wants access to my accounts to make sure I don’t respond to any of the guys who message me. AITAH here?
submitted by Usual_University_938 to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]
2024.05.29 04:33 NoDeal9786 Dream or alternate universe jump?
I need help interpreting a dream I had last night. I woke up and immediately typed everything I could remember in my notes on my phone, tried to go back to sleep but had an uneasy feeling so I just stayed awake. The note is as followed.
Dream 5/28/24
Hanging out with friends. I can't see any of their faces or voices to tell who is who. Someone left and in the front window I hear screaming "don't kill me" and look up and watch someone repeatedly stab the woman in the gut. I make eye contact with the guy. Tall, black male. Black hat, black rayban style glasses. Black leather gloves. Black wool looking coat knee length, black dress pants black nice shoes black shirt. 35-40s He makes eye contact with me.
He walked back to his car, I'm hiding under the opposing window to try and peak. Black car, boxy frame silver trim. He has a gun now. It's a rifle with a scope and a strap, solid black. He walks up to the window to try and see where I am, I get as close to the wall as I can. I hear him looking and walking around the house, when I hear him leave the window I run. I am panicking. "Where do I hide" over and over again. I can't hide anywhere traditional because that will get me killed and I don't know who's house this is. I've never been here before. I decided to hide under the bathroom sink in the cabinet behind the chemicals. I get back there easy enough thanks to being so small. I'm sitting knees to chest and my head sideways. There's no way he would think to check here. The bathroom is the first place he checks. The bathtub, shower curtain, closet. Then he just stands there breathing. Did I leave something that gave away my location?? Then I hear him taking deep breaths like he's trying to calm down. I turn my phone on airplane mode. I guess someone else in the house made a noise because he leaves in a rush. I hear a loud bang three times then nothing. I hear my own voice screaming to wake up but it's far away from me.
Woke up at 4:44 am
Key points to add: -I didn't even feel connected with anyone else emotionally in the dream. -the dream was so vivid I could smell chemicals after waking up for an hour -I'm not currently going through anything in life that's stressful or scary
submitted by NoDeal9786 to DreamInterpretation [link] [comments]
Dream 5/28/24
Hanging out with friends. I can't see any of their faces or voices to tell who is who. Someone left and in the front window I hear screaming "don't kill me" and look up and watch someone repeatedly stab the woman in the gut. I make eye contact with the guy. Tall, black male. Black hat, black rayban style glasses. Black leather gloves. Black wool looking coat knee length, black dress pants black nice shoes black shirt. 35-40s He makes eye contact with me.
He walked back to his car, I'm hiding under the opposing window to try and peak. Black car, boxy frame silver trim. He has a gun now. It's a rifle with a scope and a strap, solid black. He walks up to the window to try and see where I am, I get as close to the wall as I can. I hear him looking and walking around the house, when I hear him leave the window I run. I am panicking. "Where do I hide" over and over again. I can't hide anywhere traditional because that will get me killed and I don't know who's house this is. I've never been here before. I decided to hide under the bathroom sink in the cabinet behind the chemicals. I get back there easy enough thanks to being so small. I'm sitting knees to chest and my head sideways. There's no way he would think to check here. The bathroom is the first place he checks. The bathtub, shower curtain, closet. Then he just stands there breathing. Did I leave something that gave away my location?? Then I hear him taking deep breaths like he's trying to calm down. I turn my phone on airplane mode. I guess someone else in the house made a noise because he leaves in a rush. I hear a loud bang three times then nothing. I hear my own voice screaming to wake up but it's far away from me.
Woke up at 4:44 am
Key points to add: -I didn't even feel connected with anyone else emotionally in the dream. -the dream was so vivid I could smell chemicals after waking up for an hour -I'm not currently going through anything in life that's stressful or scary
2024.05.29 04:26 InteractionProud7297 need honest criticism
i'm working on a novel and would like to know if anyone could tell me any improvements i could make to the first chapter and prologue
Prologue
The day had started the same way it had for the past two years. The only difference was that I was going home. The hallway was crowded with people walking to and from their classes. Everyone was crowded next to each other so the halls were making the area feel claustrophobic. All the people talking mixed with the summer heat made me feel like I was locked in a sauna. I walked with Preston to the last class we would ever have together and as usual he was smiling. I never got why he always smiled even in situations where people should be sad he still smiled. He knew what today meant for me and he tried to keep light of the situation. I kept my head down away from what was ahead of me. My mind was too clouded about returning to see my family to notice anything in front of me. I walked into another student. It felt like I had walked into a wall. I knew immediately I had walked into tree. I stumble onto the ground and the commotion around me slows down to make room for us. He turned his bulky body around and apologized profusely without saying a word even though I had walked into him. He helped me off of the ground before hurrying down the hall.
“Alexandria, are you doing okay?” Preston said he had tilted his body downward so I had to look down to look him in his eyes. The way he was standing made him look like an idiot but he didn't seem to care. The way he acted made me laugh, which caused his smile to widen.
“I'm doing fine, just got lost in my head.”
“Thinking about how you’ll leave soon,” he said
“Was it that obvious?” He was the only person I told about me being an exchange student. I came to spend high school in Newkinawa and he was the only person I ever hung out with.
“I see what you mean,” he said “Newkinawa is a beautiful place with beautiful people to live in it…myself included”
“You wish,” I say with a smile we continue walking through the hallway “I'm just not excited to go back yet”
After I say that his smile grows wider “So you will miss me after all”
“I wouldn't say that much” I responded whilst smiling.
We had made it to our last class only to see it closed with a sign labeled “Uma incident” Uma was a student known for messing with the chemistry lab and destroying school property in the process. I've never actually met her but Preston says “She's a little weird but still nice”
“Guess class is canceled for today,” Preston remarked with a smile “Wanna go out to the court till the bell rings.”
“Sure let's go” I respond
The place we ate every day was outside. It used to be a tennis court before I moved in. Now they put trees and flowers all over the place. Preston really liked the blue color of the flowers but it just never clicked for me. I look over at Preston and he's staring up at the sky. There are a number of clouds in almost enough to block the sun but it still pokes its rays through and lands on Preston's face. The clouds swim in front of the sun till they block out the sun's light. Preston faces towards me.
“I'm gonna miss you Alexandria” he says
“You know you can just call me Alex,” I replied. I start to smile again. “I'll miss you too!" He smiles toward me again as we get up to leave as the clouds start to clump together and rain slowly falls. As we're walking back to the school there's a loud tearing sound followed by screams as the ground shakes.
The ground tears itself apart as the dirt and stone erupt from the ground. The sky blackens and a pale blue light escapes the earth. Then creatures erupt from the ground in a violent ejection from the earth creating a white pillar diffusing as they reach higher in the air. Some are clawing their way out of the cracks like maggots out of a corpse. People are swept into the updraft screaming for their lives.
The creatures descend like a tidal wave and tear apart any people caught in their path. They storm out of the crack in hundreds as more cracks in the earth form. Me and Preston started running away as people were screaming behind us. A girl running next to us has her legs slashed by a creature. The monster begins to tear open her chest as she chokes on her own blood. The monster shovels her lungs and innards into its decrepit mouth. Me and Preston keep running until we're met at the entrance of the school and we catch the attention of a monster as it begins to savagely rush toward us. The monster resembles ghosts my father told me about. But this one looks monstrously horrific. It floats in the air and opens its mouth so wide it nearly replaces its entire torso; its jaws hold savage teeth each the same old gray color of its body. Its eyes glow a rotten yellow color through the dark. It stretches out its arms showing its giant hands and claws like fingers. It swipes at us leaving a giant claw mark on the door behind us but Preston ducks my body down to avoid the attack. We run around it as the monster swaps its focus to another bystander. Screaming past us. Me and Preston run into the parking lot as people scream around us. We hide next to a car.
“What the hell is happening!?” I yell to Preston. More of the creatures fly over us and swoop down to people like vultures on roadkill devouring the fleeing people.
Preston starts to breathe heavily ”we need to get out of here and someplace safer”. As we were talking one of the monster phases through the car we were hiding next to forcing us to run into the street.
“Lets go to your house till things cool down” i say to Preston through panted breaths
“Wait couldn't we head to your house instead” Preston says.
“Why would that matter your house is closer anyways” i respond
“But-” Preston is interrupted by two creatures swooping above us to grab another person. The two monsters begin to pull the person apart while he writhes in pain before having his flesh be torn in half and having his organs be devoured.
“Come on lets go!!” I say as I grab his hand and run even faster.
By the time we reach Preston's house any living person is gone. On the street are just corpses laying torn and mutilated on the roads and sidewalk. The air in the neighborhood feels cold despite the season being summer. When I walk down the street I can still hear the occasional horrific wail the monsters give off. We move closer to Preston's house and I can see him sweating. He looked more worried than before when the creatures were chasing us and he kept darting his eyes away from his home.
“Preston, are you feeling okay?” he doesn't respond to my question and keeps darting his eyes. He walks slowly behind me and as I reach for the door handle and when I touch it it feels nearly freezing. I wrap my hoodie around my hand and slowly open the door. The house is quiet so me and Preston creep further into his house. The inside is cold and damp as if we were locked in a freezer. The further we move into the house the louder a subtle chewing sound is heard.
“It sounds like rats are eating a dead cow over there” I whisper. Preston continues to stay silent behind me. We slowly walk closer towards the kitchen and the sound gets louder and louder and louder until we reach the room.
We're met with a rancid smell of vomit and blood. My blood starts to run cold and every instinct in my body is telling me to run. I can feel Preston breathing get heavier as we get closer. We turn the corner and see Preston's mom lying on the ground dead with one of the creatures hunched over slurping her intestines. The sight causes me to vomit alerting the monster to our presence. The creature turns around and its mouth turns into a mortifying grin as it flies into Preston's moms body. The corpse begins to rise and spur splashing blood over the kitchen. When the corpse stops spasming it picks itself up from the ground and with glazed over eyes it holds its intestines in its hand and gives us the same grin it did when it was outside her body. The possessed corpse lunges at me and starts to chase me around the kitchen. The body is running into the walls and cabinets spraying its blood and other loose organs around the area as I'm avoiding its assault. The corpse leans over and ejects one of its loose intestines towards me, wrapping me in it. It pulls me towards it so fast I'm flung towards the ground. The corpse limbers over to me and raises its free hand aiming for my head. The creature's deranged smile causes the corpse’s cheeks to tear apart. It places both of its bloodied and demented hands on my face and starts to press my skull into the ground. I struggle to breathe. The room starts to get dark and blood escapes my head.
Until Preston jumps on top of his mothers corpse with a kitchen knife and repeatedly stabs it in the head. The possessed body tries to shake him off but he keeps stabbing, blood gets in on his face and tears start to escape his eyes. The creature violently ejects from the corpse's mouth causing her head to nearly explode and Preston stops stabbing the body. The body falls over in a splash of blood and organs. The monster leaves phasing through the roof leaving Preston crying over his mother's body. As the blood mixes with the tears he collapses to his knees crying. I walk over and hug him as the air around us turns bitter and the chill of death leaves the room and us with it.
Chapter 1 Eclipse
It's been 2 months since the apocalypse started. We've kept ourselves alive by looting grocery stores and houses, we hide from the creatures as we have no way to fight back against them. Preston came up with the idea to call them glanter’s. He’s looking better since we left his family home but I can tell something is wrong with him that he's not telling me. Everytime I ask him about it he tells me it's no big deal. I asked him earlier today and he just told me
“don't worry about it, I'm over it” without even looking at me. Now we're walking through the street and I'm walking behind Preston, I can barely see his head past the giant bag we're both carrying on our backs we use to carry supplies. I look up at the sky and it's still pitch black except for the moon giving us any amount of light. Preston turns around to face me.
“Let's check out that house, it might have some cool stuff in it” he points to a white house to our right. The house is a two story building with steps leading to the front door. There's a generator poking out from the backyard. The driveway is empty save for a couple of dried blood stains and tire marks. It's similar to the other houses in the neighborhood except for a couple broken windows.
“Sure why not” We head over to the house and I see something shining on the side of the house in the corner of my eye. I turn my head to look at it closer but it quickly disappears before I can see it clearly.
“Probably squirrel or something” I mumble to myself. Preston walks up the stairs to the house and I walk up the steps behind him as a breeze blows past my face. Preston tries to turn the door knob but the door is locked. I start to pull out a lockpick I grabbed at the store earlier. I motion towards Preston to move out of the way as I kneel down to pick the lock. It takes me a couple of minutes to unlock the door so I walk inside the house and Preston follows behind me while closing and locking the door. The doorway of the house leads to a dark room so I take a flashlight out of my bag to illuminate the area. Were put into the living room and bookshelves are on the walls and a large TV sat in front of a large black couch with smaller chairs surrounding it. Dust is covering every surface of the room and spiderwebs litter the corners of the walls. The area smells like moth balls and there's a lack of blood anywhere nearby.
“Guess the owners got out before the Glanter’s got in, '' I say to Preston. When he doesn't respond I turn around and he's already looking further into the house. When I find him he's managed to find a flight of stairs that lead to a lower portion of the house.
“I'll check on him later,” I think to myself as I headed towards the kitchen to see if we could restock on food. I walk past a bedroom and remark on how childish it looked. The walls were painted with blue and green stripes and a bunk bed sat on the right wall. There's a chest at the foot of the bed so I walk over and lift the top off of it. The box is layered with children's toys, a multitude of dolls, bears, and figures all jut out of the box. I notice a small robot toy and inspect it in my hands.
The cold metal makes my hand shiver and the sharp body shape makes the robot bigger than my hand. There's red lining around the robot's buttons surrounded by the cold gray of the robot's “skin”. It reminds me of a toy my little brother had. My heart feels heavy as I worry about what happened to my family. If they're alive, dead, or worse…possessed. The thoughts send a chill down my spine but I push them aside for now. I put the toy in my bag and exit the bedroom.
I can see the kitchen is down the hallway so I walk down the hall and enter. The kitchen is pretty clean except for a couple of dishes in the sink and the dust. There's a table seated for 3 people in the center of the room. I start opening the cabinets in search for any food or water. There's boxes of cereal leftover on top of shelves and a mix of chip bags and cookies in neat boxes stationed in the cabinets.
“Score,” I say to myself as I begin to put the snacks into my bag. When the cabinets are empty I look inside the fridge. The inside of the fridge ran out of power so most of the food inside is rotted. There are a couple of bottles of water in the front so I shove those in my bag. There's also a bag of oranges that still seem to be healthy in the back. I grab them and toss them on the table. There's rotten sandwich meat hidden in the drawer of the fridge.it smells like a dumpster outside of a butcher shop. I wrinkle my nose at the smell. I look around the kitchen for any bread with no luck.
I continue to look through the fridge until I hear Preston scream from another room. Immediately I bolt out of the kitchen leaving my bag behind and run towards the lower part of the house. I run down the stairs and nearly trip on the steps. The stairs lead to a big room. There are posters to tv shows and movies I don't recognize. The walls are painted black and there's a bear skin rug on the floor. I notice Preston standing next to a really big TV hyperventilating. I walk over to him and ask him.
“Are you ok? What happened?”
He talks through deep breaths “I… saw a… spider.”
“What?!” I respond in confusion.
“It was really big and I had jumped at my face”
“Sure it was.” I say while laughing “Let's go upstairs there's some food in the fridge we can eat”
“Wait, I think you should check this out.” He says while pointing towards one of the walls. I grab Preston's flashlight off the floor and face it towards the wall. Hanging halfway off the wall is a large map labeled Newkiwana scavenger hunt of 76.
“I think we should take it,” Preston says “You can read a map right?”
“A little but I'm not the best at it,” I say to him “can you read a map?”
“it shouldn’t be too hard it’s mainly pictures any way I'm sure I can figure it out”
I walk over to the wall where the map is hung there are trophies covering tables and shelved in their own personal cases one of them reads “1st place 100-meter swimming competition for 1986 Zack Hemmingway” and another one reads “2nd place 100-meter swimming competition for 1989 Zack Hemmingway”
“Guess this guy really liked swimming,” Preston remarks while staring at a wall of newspaper clippings. All of them are about the same person in swimming competitions. All labeled different things like “a new record for Zack “the dolphin” Hemmingway”,
‘Zach Hemmingway our star plans for the future” all the newspapers are about this kind he has paler skin and a bulky enough build to swim pretty well. Most of the pictures have him coming out of the water in a pool, his long black hair soaked and sitting at his shoulders. Another one has him sitting at a desk over a pile of books and his hair in a knot , “vicious wipeout ends the Dolphins career”, and “ex-swim champ Zack Hemmingway found in a drunken stupor outside strip club.
“Everyone has their own hobbies I guess,” I say as I take the map off of the wall and fold it up. “Sucks what happened to Zack though” I walked over to Preston’s bag and put the rolled map in one of the pockets. I walk back up the stairs and Preston grabs his bag and follows behind me.
We make our way towards the kitchen and Preston starts looking through the fridge for anything to eat. I grab an orange from the table and throw it at his head. The fruit bounces off his head and rolls on the floor. He turns around and grabs the fruit from the floor
“Why did you throw an orange at me?”
“It's the only food we have unless you plan on eating spoiled a sandwich“ He starts to peel it while walking towards the table. We both take a seat and start to eat the oranges from the bag. He plants his feet on top of the table and bites into the fully peeled orange. I grab a water bottle from a bag and start to drink from it as Preston says.
“I saw a dvd player in that man cave downstairs we could watch a movie if it still has power”
“Sure it could be fun.” Me and Preston spend the rest of our time eating until the bag of oranges is emptied and we head back downstairs. Preston grabs the DVD player from under the table and blows the dust off the top of it; he plugs it into the wall as I plop myself onto the couch. He plugs the DVD player into the TV and sits on the recliner next to me. He presses a few buttons on the remote and the TV lights up. I squint my eyes at how bright it is. It's the most amount of light I've seen that didn't come from a flashlight. I notice there's a box filled with DVDs. I pull the box over towards me. I ruffle through the box and see movies like Silence of the Lambs, Terminator 2, and Home alone.
“Dude some of these came out just before the world turned inside out” I say to him.
“Really? Let's play one.” He responds. I toss him Terminator 2 and he puts it into the DVD player.
We spend the next couple hours watching movies and laughing together. It's some of our only moments of peace we’ve had since the end of the world and to me it's the most fun I've had yet. We're putting in the next DVD when there's a loud crash outside and the TV shuts off. Preston goes behind it to see if it's still plugged in.
“I think the generator outside is busted” i say
“It seems that way” Preston replies while backing away from the tv” i'm gonna go check it out”
“Don't worry I got it” I say as I hop out of my chair. Preston waves goodbye as I head up the stairs. I make my way back through the hallway leading to the living room and front door. I reach the door and start to turn the knob. I open the door wide as a car speeds down the street. I step out of the door to see what had happened when I hear the screech of a glanter. It cuts through the sky like an unholy opera singer. A group of them fly by and chase the car as I rush back inside the house. I slam the door shut and look through the window as I see a couple of smaller glanters grab and shake the car violently looking for the driver. They tear at it, ripping off doors and breaking the windows. The driver screams as the seats cover with blood and he's ripped out of the car as multiple smaller glanters tear and bite off parts of his body like piranha's until his body is completely devoured. I run back to the man cave to warn Preston about what had happened. I spot him laying in his chair spinning a DVD disc on his finger.
“It's not safe outside right now”
“Why not?
“There's glanter's outside, they just ate a dude in his car”
“Did they see you come inside?”
“I don't think so , they flew off before I went inside.”
“well we're not dead so I'm gonna say they didn't see you. But let's stay here for a couple more hours just to be safe”
“Sounds good i'm gonna go find the master bedroom.” I start to walk back up the stairs to the house
“ Hold on why do you get the master bedroom” Preston says while walking after me.
“Because I'm gonna find it first” I say as I start to run to find the bedroom. He chases after me in pursuit of the bedroom. Me and Preston run around the house looking for the master bedroom. We look through room after room finding closets, the garage, a bathroom and a door leading to a balcony in the back of the house. I manage to run into the bedroom and yell out to Preston.``Found it!!”
He comes walking into the room breathing heavily from the running. We both check out the room. The walls are painted a cream yellow and the bed takes up most of the room's center. The bed has burgundy sheets poking out from its bottom and a quilt with multi-colored floral designs lay sprawled out on top of it. There's a wardrobe built into the wall and a black leather couch sits comfortably on the left wall.
“Dibs on the bed” I say as I jump on top of it. I stretch out on top of the quilt and search for a comfortable part to sleep in.
“Where am I supposed to sleep then?” Preston complains
“You can sleep on the couch it looks soft enough” I respond while pointing towards the couch “I saw some spare blankets in one of the closets”
“Alright i’ll be right back” he mumbles to himself “why do i always get the couch”
“ I'll be right here if you need me,” i call after him. I sit up on the bed and start to look around the room more. I notice the entrance to the wardrobe is cracked open slightly. I hop out of the bed and grab a flashlight from my bag as I walk into the wardrobe. I turn on my flashlight and stare in awe at how many clothes are in there. The room is only half as big as the bedroom but it's still bigger than any closet I've ever had. The wardrobe is full of shirts, dresses, pants, and shoes for men and women. I immediately start to look through the shoes to see if any fit my size. I throw a pair of black high heels behind me as Preston finds me in the wardrobe. He looks around before asking me.
“What are you doing?”
“Finding a new pair of clothes to wear cause I've been wearing the same pair of jeans for waaaaay too long”
“Fair enough. Is there any guy stuff in there?”
“Yeah right there” I hook my thumb behind me to point to the other end of the closet.
“I'm sure they won't mind if we take a couple of things…they're probably dead by now anyways,” Preston says with a slight grin on his face. The way he said made me spin my head to look at him but he was already on the opposite end of the wardrobe looking at suits.
I shake away the thought and continue looking for any pair of sneakers in my size. 40 minutes pass before I walk out of the wardrobe holding a new pair of jeans and a black guns-N-roses t-shirt. I toss the clothes on top of the bed and check to see if the shower in the bathroom still works. I turn the dial and wait for a moment. The shower head chokes a little before water comes pouring out. I reach my hand under the showerhead to feel the water. The water is cold, it causes my hand to shiver when I take it out. I shake the water off and say to myself.
“Good enough” as I start to take off my old clothes and get in the shower. The cold water bounces off my skin, it sends shivers down my spine but I still get the old dirt from the last few months off of me. I step out and see a couple of dry towels hanging off of the door. I grab one and dry my body off and grab another to wrap around my head and dry my hair. I step out of the bathroom and Preston is still inside the wardrobe. I put on my new clothes while his back is turned and walk over towards him when I'm finished.
“Still haven't found anything,” I ask him
He turns around “Nothing yet, the only thing interesting was this coat.” He holds a leather coat up to me. The coat is made of black leather and has a skull covered with blue flames on the back. There's a black shirt inside the coat with a skeleton hand making a thumbs-up embroidered on the front.
“ That's pretty cool, it's better than what you're wearing right now at least” he's outfitted in a blue hoodie with holes on the chest and tears at the sleeves. He also has a shirt with a faded picture of a blue flower printed on it.
“I guess you're right” he gets up from the floor and exits the wardrobe. He lays the clothes on the couch along next to the blanket and pillow he brought into the room.
“The shower works so you can get yourself clean In there,” I say to him
“You know, a shower sounds really good right now.” He gets up from the floor and grabs a pair of pajama pants that were laying next to him. He leaves the wardrobe and enters the bathroom, closing the door behind him. After a moment the water turns on and I hop on the bed to get ready to sleep. I squirm myself into the quilt and rest my head against one of the pillows. I shut my eyes and fall asleep listening to the passive sound of the shower like rain on a car.
I'm in a void. It feels like I'm standing in a puddle of water that reaches to my knees. I wade my way forward looking around for anything in the darkness. In the distance I can see 3 figures l. I moved closer to them and their silhouettes get clearer. I realize they are my dad and brothers. I start to run towards them kicking up water behind me until something grabs my leg. It pulls down violently forcing me under the water without a breath of air. I kick at the thing grabbing me until something grabs my other leg. I look down and see two glanter's each with a monstrous smile on their faces. They stare back at me and one of them tugs my leg harder than before and tears it off of my body. The water around me turns red as the glanter laugh's. The other smiles wider as it starts to fling me around the water forcing any air left in my lungs to be forced out as I scream in pain. The glanter throws me away and I can see my family slowly fade into the distance as I'm flown away.
I struggle to swim back to where I was, one of my legs is missing and the other is broken. The glanter's find me again and I try to get to the surface to escape them. I'm flapping my arms in any attempt to escape as one of the glanter's flies in front of me and grabs my arm. I look at the monster with tears in my eyes as it bites my arm and tears my body away from it. It flings my body away and with my remaining arm I clutch the wound as the water floods into my body leaving me in the void I started in. I look around and the glanter's seem to have left. I turn behind me and see my family again, this time I'm closer than before.
I grit my teeth and drag my body towards them slowly as I leave a trail of blood and tears behind me. I finally reach my family and grab one of my father's shoes. I stare up and he looks at me. His stare causes me to feel cold as a grotesque smile grows on his face. I stare in shock as my brothers each have the same look as my father.
I shoot up from my sleep panting heavily in a cold sweat.
“It was just a dream..just a dream…just a dream” I look at my hands as tears fall into them. I look around the room and see Preston sleeping peacefully on the couch. The room feels frozen in place as a chill runs down my spine. I get out of the bed and walk out of the bedroom. I make my way through the dark hallway and find the entrance to the balcony I saw earlier. I creak open the screen door and head outside. The Balcony is pretty large, about the size of the kitchen in the house. There are some chairs knocked over next to a table and I pick one up to sit on it. I look out into the expanse of the neighborhood, houses lined up next to each other, dozens broken apart by roads, and dead bodies scattered across the roads.
I look up in the sky and sit back in the chair. The sky looks empty except for the moon giving this world its only source of light. Without the moon, we’d be left in darkness. It hangs in the sky alone, no stars, no clouds, nothing but itself, and the void of the sky. I think back about the dream I had. My dad and my brother's all dead and possessed and then they kill me. I start to tear up thinking about it. I try to wipe away the tears but it’s no use. I'm too scared for my family. I don't know where they are if they're alive if they're worried about me I don't know anything! I start to quietly cry into my hands. I don't know how long I'm sitting there until I feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn my head to face it and I see Preston. He was smiling and looking at me. I turn away to wipe my tears and he walks next to me.
“I heard you sneaking out of the bedroom so I followed you to see where you were going.” he says “but that's not my question.” he pauses and looks at me “my question is what’s got you feeling so down?” he leans over the railing of the balcony
“It's nothing, I just came out here to clear my head.” I say as more tears escape from my eyes in big slow drops that ride down the sides of my face.
“if you don't feel like telling me you don't have to but i'll be here if you ever change your mind”. He looks up at the moon before turning to face me and his smile widens “I'll always be here with you…trust me I'm not going anywhere”
I stare up at him and wipe away my tears as a smile grows on my face to match his. I get up and stare over the balcony with him. “So where are we heading next?” I say to him, Preston pulls the map we got from the man cave downstairs out from his pocket.
“After I got out of the shower I decided to take a look at the map for anything interesting we could see.”
“Ok did you find anything?” i ask
“I did,” he points at a spot on the right of the map. “We should head to the museum”
“I didn't want to go to a museum before the apocalypse why would i want to go now?'' I ask him.
“Well the best part of museums is the cool stuff right”
“Yeah what about it”
“The only problem is that you could only look at the fossils and armor but you could never take them.”
“So you want to rob a museum?” Prestons eyes light up at the question
“Exactly they might have a really cool sword I could use, or I could sharpen a dinosaur tooth and use that as a weapon, there might be a cursed shield that can summon the dead to fight for you. This opportunity is too good to pass up. We need to go!”
“That does seem pretty cool but wouldn't carrying that stuff weigh us down. What if a glanter is chasing us and we can't run fast enough because of the stuff we took from the museum.”
“We’ll only take things that are light. Even then I could just block the glanter with my newly acquired 2000 year old shield.”
“Fair enough we can go in a couple hours” I yawn and stretch out my arms. “Cause I'm feeling way too tired to walk all the way over there right now.”
“Alright i'm heading back to my couch and THEN we’ll head out to the museum” he leaves the balcony and heads back to the master bedroom leaving me alone on the balcony.
“Thanks Preston I'm not leaving either” I say into the sky. I turn around and walk back inside the house, closing the balcony door behind me. I walk back into the bedroom and Preston is hunched over and holding a flashlight looking at the map. He’s drawing lines through roads and marking X’s in different areas.
“What are the X’s for?” i ask him
“They’re places that glanter’s usually stay around. I'm marking them off so we remember not to go through them, or at least be more cautious.”
“Cool. Did you find where we are right now?” He points to an area where the lines all converge out of.
“Right around here is where the neighborhood ends. So if we follow this path we can make it to the museum in one piece” I pat him on the back and take the map from his hands.
“Get some sleep Preston, we have a full day tomorrow” he grins to himself before laying down on the couch. I put the map back into my bag and hop on the bed to get to sleep. I cover my body in the quilt and roll over facing away from Preston as he falls asleep. I nestle myself into the bed and slowly fall asleep to get ready for the next day.
I'm awoken by Preston shaking the bed I'm sleeping on. My eyes open and the room is foggy, I wipe away the sleep from my eyes and focus my attention towards Preston. He's practically jumping out of his skin with excitement, he's already fully dressed for the trip and shaking the bed with a wide smile on his face.
“Ok ok i'm up the air feels heavy as a groggy feeling fills my body. I wipe my eyes and the room starts to clear up. I turn to face Preston. He's still shaking my bed to wake me up, he’s already fully dressed and nearly jumping out of his skin in excitement.
“Ok ok, i'm up you can stop shaking the bed” i say
“Then get up we’ve got a long walk ahead of us” he says as he stops shaking the mattress. He grabs the map from my bag and points to one of the red lines.
“We're gonna follow this way to the museum. We’ll move past the hotel around the ice skating rink and around the park. We’ll mainly stick to walking through the streets, we might have to go rooftop hopping to avoid any glanter’s if we see them but i'm sure we won’t reach that point.” he explains
“Wait, wait, wait, why are avoiding the skating rink and the park” i ask
“ everytime we go near the park there's weird noises and light coming out of it”
“And why can't we go to the ice skating rink?”
“I didn't think it would be important”
“It couldn't hurt to check it out at least”
“Fine we could make a detour”
“Ok and how do you plan on getting on top of roofs?”
“I'm sure we'll figure it out when we get to it”
“Ok man as long as you’re sure '' I yawn and step out of the bed. Preston starts to put the map in his bag. I walk into the bathroom with my clothes and change out of my pajamas. Minutes later I walk out and see Preston sitting on the couch twiddling his thumbs.
“Finally you're out” he smiles at me before handing me my bag and slinging it over his shoulder. We took a last look inside the kitchen to see if we missed anything. Afterwards we leave for the outside. The cold air bites at my face but Preston walks down the stairs, his face buried in the map. I jog to catch up to him as we both head into the street.
“Hey Preston, could I see the map?”
“Sure” he hands over the map and continues walking. I look at the map and the numerous lines drawn on roads. I look at the corner of the map and notice a small map key with numerous symbols for different areas like a library, school, hospital, and more. There's even a way to tell how far away each location is. The text reads “1 inch=5 miles” I quickly count how far we are from the museum.
“Dude this museum is like 100 miles away.”
“Yep it'll be a long walk, it'll take us a while to get there”
“Did you plan on us walking there the whole time?”
“We might find bikes or something.” he pauses “well i did think we would walk the whole way”
“This is gonna take us weeks to get there!”
“Did you have anything else planned?”
“Well…i guess not but we should still try to find some bikes or something”
“Ok if we see any way to travel faster we’ll take it”
“Alright cool” I hand him the map back and he folds it back up and puts it in his bag. We walk further until we leave the gated neighborhood we started in. Preston takes the map back out and looks at it before he turns right and continues walking. I follow him staring forward at the expanse of the road. The outside of the neighborhood is surrounded by roads all leading to different parts of Newkinawa. We walk past a sign that reads “Coretown 20 miles ahead” I nudge Preston towards the sign and he checks the map again.
“Yep, the museum’s in Coretown. Would you believe the residents were pretty proud of it. Should be a fun place to explore” he says
“Yeah but it’ll take us a million years to get there.” i complain
“Lighten up, I'm sure it will be worth it”. We continue walking down the road slowly making our way to Coretown.
submitted by InteractionProud7297 to writers [link] [comments]
Prologue
The day had started the same way it had for the past two years. The only difference was that I was going home. The hallway was crowded with people walking to and from their classes. Everyone was crowded next to each other so the halls were making the area feel claustrophobic. All the people talking mixed with the summer heat made me feel like I was locked in a sauna. I walked with Preston to the last class we would ever have together and as usual he was smiling. I never got why he always smiled even in situations where people should be sad he still smiled. He knew what today meant for me and he tried to keep light of the situation. I kept my head down away from what was ahead of me. My mind was too clouded about returning to see my family to notice anything in front of me. I walked into another student. It felt like I had walked into a wall. I knew immediately I had walked into tree. I stumble onto the ground and the commotion around me slows down to make room for us. He turned his bulky body around and apologized profusely without saying a word even though I had walked into him. He helped me off of the ground before hurrying down the hall.
“Alexandria, are you doing okay?” Preston said he had tilted his body downward so I had to look down to look him in his eyes. The way he was standing made him look like an idiot but he didn't seem to care. The way he acted made me laugh, which caused his smile to widen.
“I'm doing fine, just got lost in my head.”
“Thinking about how you’ll leave soon,” he said
“Was it that obvious?” He was the only person I told about me being an exchange student. I came to spend high school in Newkinawa and he was the only person I ever hung out with.
“I see what you mean,” he said “Newkinawa is a beautiful place with beautiful people to live in it…myself included”
“You wish,” I say with a smile we continue walking through the hallway “I'm just not excited to go back yet”
After I say that his smile grows wider “So you will miss me after all”
“I wouldn't say that much” I responded whilst smiling.
We had made it to our last class only to see it closed with a sign labeled “Uma incident” Uma was a student known for messing with the chemistry lab and destroying school property in the process. I've never actually met her but Preston says “She's a little weird but still nice”
“Guess class is canceled for today,” Preston remarked with a smile “Wanna go out to the court till the bell rings.”
“Sure let's go” I respond
The place we ate every day was outside. It used to be a tennis court before I moved in. Now they put trees and flowers all over the place. Preston really liked the blue color of the flowers but it just never clicked for me. I look over at Preston and he's staring up at the sky. There are a number of clouds in almost enough to block the sun but it still pokes its rays through and lands on Preston's face. The clouds swim in front of the sun till they block out the sun's light. Preston faces towards me.
“I'm gonna miss you Alexandria” he says
“You know you can just call me Alex,” I replied. I start to smile again. “I'll miss you too!" He smiles toward me again as we get up to leave as the clouds start to clump together and rain slowly falls. As we're walking back to the school there's a loud tearing sound followed by screams as the ground shakes.
The ground tears itself apart as the dirt and stone erupt from the ground. The sky blackens and a pale blue light escapes the earth. Then creatures erupt from the ground in a violent ejection from the earth creating a white pillar diffusing as they reach higher in the air. Some are clawing their way out of the cracks like maggots out of a corpse. People are swept into the updraft screaming for their lives.
The creatures descend like a tidal wave and tear apart any people caught in their path. They storm out of the crack in hundreds as more cracks in the earth form. Me and Preston started running away as people were screaming behind us. A girl running next to us has her legs slashed by a creature. The monster begins to tear open her chest as she chokes on her own blood. The monster shovels her lungs and innards into its decrepit mouth. Me and Preston keep running until we're met at the entrance of the school and we catch the attention of a monster as it begins to savagely rush toward us. The monster resembles ghosts my father told me about. But this one looks monstrously horrific. It floats in the air and opens its mouth so wide it nearly replaces its entire torso; its jaws hold savage teeth each the same old gray color of its body. Its eyes glow a rotten yellow color through the dark. It stretches out its arms showing its giant hands and claws like fingers. It swipes at us leaving a giant claw mark on the door behind us but Preston ducks my body down to avoid the attack. We run around it as the monster swaps its focus to another bystander. Screaming past us. Me and Preston run into the parking lot as people scream around us. We hide next to a car.
“What the hell is happening!?” I yell to Preston. More of the creatures fly over us and swoop down to people like vultures on roadkill devouring the fleeing people.
Preston starts to breathe heavily ”we need to get out of here and someplace safer”. As we were talking one of the monster phases through the car we were hiding next to forcing us to run into the street.
“Lets go to your house till things cool down” i say to Preston through panted breaths
“Wait couldn't we head to your house instead” Preston says.
“Why would that matter your house is closer anyways” i respond
“But-” Preston is interrupted by two creatures swooping above us to grab another person. The two monsters begin to pull the person apart while he writhes in pain before having his flesh be torn in half and having his organs be devoured.
“Come on lets go!!” I say as I grab his hand and run even faster.
By the time we reach Preston's house any living person is gone. On the street are just corpses laying torn and mutilated on the roads and sidewalk. The air in the neighborhood feels cold despite the season being summer. When I walk down the street I can still hear the occasional horrific wail the monsters give off. We move closer to Preston's house and I can see him sweating. He looked more worried than before when the creatures were chasing us and he kept darting his eyes away from his home.
“Preston, are you feeling okay?” he doesn't respond to my question and keeps darting his eyes. He walks slowly behind me and as I reach for the door handle and when I touch it it feels nearly freezing. I wrap my hoodie around my hand and slowly open the door. The house is quiet so me and Preston creep further into his house. The inside is cold and damp as if we were locked in a freezer. The further we move into the house the louder a subtle chewing sound is heard.
“It sounds like rats are eating a dead cow over there” I whisper. Preston continues to stay silent behind me. We slowly walk closer towards the kitchen and the sound gets louder and louder and louder until we reach the room.
We're met with a rancid smell of vomit and blood. My blood starts to run cold and every instinct in my body is telling me to run. I can feel Preston breathing get heavier as we get closer. We turn the corner and see Preston's mom lying on the ground dead with one of the creatures hunched over slurping her intestines. The sight causes me to vomit alerting the monster to our presence. The creature turns around and its mouth turns into a mortifying grin as it flies into Preston's moms body. The corpse begins to rise and spur splashing blood over the kitchen. When the corpse stops spasming it picks itself up from the ground and with glazed over eyes it holds its intestines in its hand and gives us the same grin it did when it was outside her body. The possessed corpse lunges at me and starts to chase me around the kitchen. The body is running into the walls and cabinets spraying its blood and other loose organs around the area as I'm avoiding its assault. The corpse leans over and ejects one of its loose intestines towards me, wrapping me in it. It pulls me towards it so fast I'm flung towards the ground. The corpse limbers over to me and raises its free hand aiming for my head. The creature's deranged smile causes the corpse’s cheeks to tear apart. It places both of its bloodied and demented hands on my face and starts to press my skull into the ground. I struggle to breathe. The room starts to get dark and blood escapes my head.
Until Preston jumps on top of his mothers corpse with a kitchen knife and repeatedly stabs it in the head. The possessed body tries to shake him off but he keeps stabbing, blood gets in on his face and tears start to escape his eyes. The creature violently ejects from the corpse's mouth causing her head to nearly explode and Preston stops stabbing the body. The body falls over in a splash of blood and organs. The monster leaves phasing through the roof leaving Preston crying over his mother's body. As the blood mixes with the tears he collapses to his knees crying. I walk over and hug him as the air around us turns bitter and the chill of death leaves the room and us with it.
Chapter 1 Eclipse
It's been 2 months since the apocalypse started. We've kept ourselves alive by looting grocery stores and houses, we hide from the creatures as we have no way to fight back against them. Preston came up with the idea to call them glanter’s. He’s looking better since we left his family home but I can tell something is wrong with him that he's not telling me. Everytime I ask him about it he tells me it's no big deal. I asked him earlier today and he just told me
“don't worry about it, I'm over it” without even looking at me. Now we're walking through the street and I'm walking behind Preston, I can barely see his head past the giant bag we're both carrying on our backs we use to carry supplies. I look up at the sky and it's still pitch black except for the moon giving us any amount of light. Preston turns around to face me.
“Let's check out that house, it might have some cool stuff in it” he points to a white house to our right. The house is a two story building with steps leading to the front door. There's a generator poking out from the backyard. The driveway is empty save for a couple of dried blood stains and tire marks. It's similar to the other houses in the neighborhood except for a couple broken windows.
“Sure why not” We head over to the house and I see something shining on the side of the house in the corner of my eye. I turn my head to look at it closer but it quickly disappears before I can see it clearly.
“Probably squirrel or something” I mumble to myself. Preston walks up the stairs to the house and I walk up the steps behind him as a breeze blows past my face. Preston tries to turn the door knob but the door is locked. I start to pull out a lockpick I grabbed at the store earlier. I motion towards Preston to move out of the way as I kneel down to pick the lock. It takes me a couple of minutes to unlock the door so I walk inside the house and Preston follows behind me while closing and locking the door. The doorway of the house leads to a dark room so I take a flashlight out of my bag to illuminate the area. Were put into the living room and bookshelves are on the walls and a large TV sat in front of a large black couch with smaller chairs surrounding it. Dust is covering every surface of the room and spiderwebs litter the corners of the walls. The area smells like moth balls and there's a lack of blood anywhere nearby.
“Guess the owners got out before the Glanter’s got in, '' I say to Preston. When he doesn't respond I turn around and he's already looking further into the house. When I find him he's managed to find a flight of stairs that lead to a lower portion of the house.
“I'll check on him later,” I think to myself as I headed towards the kitchen to see if we could restock on food. I walk past a bedroom and remark on how childish it looked. The walls were painted with blue and green stripes and a bunk bed sat on the right wall. There's a chest at the foot of the bed so I walk over and lift the top off of it. The box is layered with children's toys, a multitude of dolls, bears, and figures all jut out of the box. I notice a small robot toy and inspect it in my hands.
The cold metal makes my hand shiver and the sharp body shape makes the robot bigger than my hand. There's red lining around the robot's buttons surrounded by the cold gray of the robot's “skin”. It reminds me of a toy my little brother had. My heart feels heavy as I worry about what happened to my family. If they're alive, dead, or worse…possessed. The thoughts send a chill down my spine but I push them aside for now. I put the toy in my bag and exit the bedroom.
I can see the kitchen is down the hallway so I walk down the hall and enter. The kitchen is pretty clean except for a couple of dishes in the sink and the dust. There's a table seated for 3 people in the center of the room. I start opening the cabinets in search for any food or water. There's boxes of cereal leftover on top of shelves and a mix of chip bags and cookies in neat boxes stationed in the cabinets.
“Score,” I say to myself as I begin to put the snacks into my bag. When the cabinets are empty I look inside the fridge. The inside of the fridge ran out of power so most of the food inside is rotted. There are a couple of bottles of water in the front so I shove those in my bag. There's also a bag of oranges that still seem to be healthy in the back. I grab them and toss them on the table. There's rotten sandwich meat hidden in the drawer of the fridge.it smells like a dumpster outside of a butcher shop. I wrinkle my nose at the smell. I look around the kitchen for any bread with no luck.
I continue to look through the fridge until I hear Preston scream from another room. Immediately I bolt out of the kitchen leaving my bag behind and run towards the lower part of the house. I run down the stairs and nearly trip on the steps. The stairs lead to a big room. There are posters to tv shows and movies I don't recognize. The walls are painted black and there's a bear skin rug on the floor. I notice Preston standing next to a really big TV hyperventilating. I walk over to him and ask him.
“Are you ok? What happened?”
He talks through deep breaths “I… saw a… spider.”
“What?!” I respond in confusion.
“It was really big and I had jumped at my face”
“Sure it was.” I say while laughing “Let's go upstairs there's some food in the fridge we can eat”
“Wait, I think you should check this out.” He says while pointing towards one of the walls. I grab Preston's flashlight off the floor and face it towards the wall. Hanging halfway off the wall is a large map labeled Newkiwana scavenger hunt of 76.
“I think we should take it,” Preston says “You can read a map right?”
“A little but I'm not the best at it,” I say to him “can you read a map?”
“it shouldn’t be too hard it’s mainly pictures any way I'm sure I can figure it out”
I walk over to the wall where the map is hung there are trophies covering tables and shelved in their own personal cases one of them reads “1st place 100-meter swimming competition for 1986 Zack Hemmingway” and another one reads “2nd place 100-meter swimming competition for 1989 Zack Hemmingway”
“Guess this guy really liked swimming,” Preston remarks while staring at a wall of newspaper clippings. All of them are about the same person in swimming competitions. All labeled different things like “a new record for Zack “the dolphin” Hemmingway”,
‘Zach Hemmingway our star plans for the future” all the newspapers are about this kind he has paler skin and a bulky enough build to swim pretty well. Most of the pictures have him coming out of the water in a pool, his long black hair soaked and sitting at his shoulders. Another one has him sitting at a desk over a pile of books and his hair in a knot , “vicious wipeout ends the Dolphins career”, and “ex-swim champ Zack Hemmingway found in a drunken stupor outside strip club.
“Everyone has their own hobbies I guess,” I say as I take the map off of the wall and fold it up. “Sucks what happened to Zack though” I walked over to Preston’s bag and put the rolled map in one of the pockets. I walk back up the stairs and Preston grabs his bag and follows behind me.
We make our way towards the kitchen and Preston starts looking through the fridge for anything to eat. I grab an orange from the table and throw it at his head. The fruit bounces off his head and rolls on the floor. He turns around and grabs the fruit from the floor
“Why did you throw an orange at me?”
“It's the only food we have unless you plan on eating spoiled a sandwich“ He starts to peel it while walking towards the table. We both take a seat and start to eat the oranges from the bag. He plants his feet on top of the table and bites into the fully peeled orange. I grab a water bottle from a bag and start to drink from it as Preston says.
“I saw a dvd player in that man cave downstairs we could watch a movie if it still has power”
“Sure it could be fun.” Me and Preston spend the rest of our time eating until the bag of oranges is emptied and we head back downstairs. Preston grabs the DVD player from under the table and blows the dust off the top of it; he plugs it into the wall as I plop myself onto the couch. He plugs the DVD player into the TV and sits on the recliner next to me. He presses a few buttons on the remote and the TV lights up. I squint my eyes at how bright it is. It's the most amount of light I've seen that didn't come from a flashlight. I notice there's a box filled with DVDs. I pull the box over towards me. I ruffle through the box and see movies like Silence of the Lambs, Terminator 2, and Home alone.
“Dude some of these came out just before the world turned inside out” I say to him.
“Really? Let's play one.” He responds. I toss him Terminator 2 and he puts it into the DVD player.
We spend the next couple hours watching movies and laughing together. It's some of our only moments of peace we’ve had since the end of the world and to me it's the most fun I've had yet. We're putting in the next DVD when there's a loud crash outside and the TV shuts off. Preston goes behind it to see if it's still plugged in.
“I think the generator outside is busted” i say
“It seems that way” Preston replies while backing away from the tv” i'm gonna go check it out”
“Don't worry I got it” I say as I hop out of my chair. Preston waves goodbye as I head up the stairs. I make my way back through the hallway leading to the living room and front door. I reach the door and start to turn the knob. I open the door wide as a car speeds down the street. I step out of the door to see what had happened when I hear the screech of a glanter. It cuts through the sky like an unholy opera singer. A group of them fly by and chase the car as I rush back inside the house. I slam the door shut and look through the window as I see a couple of smaller glanters grab and shake the car violently looking for the driver. They tear at it, ripping off doors and breaking the windows. The driver screams as the seats cover with blood and he's ripped out of the car as multiple smaller glanters tear and bite off parts of his body like piranha's until his body is completely devoured. I run back to the man cave to warn Preston about what had happened. I spot him laying in his chair spinning a DVD disc on his finger.
“It's not safe outside right now”
“Why not?
“There's glanter's outside, they just ate a dude in his car”
“Did they see you come inside?”
“I don't think so , they flew off before I went inside.”
“well we're not dead so I'm gonna say they didn't see you. But let's stay here for a couple more hours just to be safe”
“Sounds good i'm gonna go find the master bedroom.” I start to walk back up the stairs to the house
“ Hold on why do you get the master bedroom” Preston says while walking after me.
“Because I'm gonna find it first” I say as I start to run to find the bedroom. He chases after me in pursuit of the bedroom. Me and Preston run around the house looking for the master bedroom. We look through room after room finding closets, the garage, a bathroom and a door leading to a balcony in the back of the house. I manage to run into the bedroom and yell out to Preston.``Found it!!”
He comes walking into the room breathing heavily from the running. We both check out the room. The walls are painted a cream yellow and the bed takes up most of the room's center. The bed has burgundy sheets poking out from its bottom and a quilt with multi-colored floral designs lay sprawled out on top of it. There's a wardrobe built into the wall and a black leather couch sits comfortably on the left wall.
“Dibs on the bed” I say as I jump on top of it. I stretch out on top of the quilt and search for a comfortable part to sleep in.
“Where am I supposed to sleep then?” Preston complains
“You can sleep on the couch it looks soft enough” I respond while pointing towards the couch “I saw some spare blankets in one of the closets”
“Alright i’ll be right back” he mumbles to himself “why do i always get the couch”
“ I'll be right here if you need me,” i call after him. I sit up on the bed and start to look around the room more. I notice the entrance to the wardrobe is cracked open slightly. I hop out of the bed and grab a flashlight from my bag as I walk into the wardrobe. I turn on my flashlight and stare in awe at how many clothes are in there. The room is only half as big as the bedroom but it's still bigger than any closet I've ever had. The wardrobe is full of shirts, dresses, pants, and shoes for men and women. I immediately start to look through the shoes to see if any fit my size. I throw a pair of black high heels behind me as Preston finds me in the wardrobe. He looks around before asking me.
“What are you doing?”
“Finding a new pair of clothes to wear cause I've been wearing the same pair of jeans for waaaaay too long”
“Fair enough. Is there any guy stuff in there?”
“Yeah right there” I hook my thumb behind me to point to the other end of the closet.
“I'm sure they won't mind if we take a couple of things…they're probably dead by now anyways,” Preston says with a slight grin on his face. The way he said made me spin my head to look at him but he was already on the opposite end of the wardrobe looking at suits.
I shake away the thought and continue looking for any pair of sneakers in my size. 40 minutes pass before I walk out of the wardrobe holding a new pair of jeans and a black guns-N-roses t-shirt. I toss the clothes on top of the bed and check to see if the shower in the bathroom still works. I turn the dial and wait for a moment. The shower head chokes a little before water comes pouring out. I reach my hand under the showerhead to feel the water. The water is cold, it causes my hand to shiver when I take it out. I shake the water off and say to myself.
“Good enough” as I start to take off my old clothes and get in the shower. The cold water bounces off my skin, it sends shivers down my spine but I still get the old dirt from the last few months off of me. I step out and see a couple of dry towels hanging off of the door. I grab one and dry my body off and grab another to wrap around my head and dry my hair. I step out of the bathroom and Preston is still inside the wardrobe. I put on my new clothes while his back is turned and walk over towards him when I'm finished.
“Still haven't found anything,” I ask him
He turns around “Nothing yet, the only thing interesting was this coat.” He holds a leather coat up to me. The coat is made of black leather and has a skull covered with blue flames on the back. There's a black shirt inside the coat with a skeleton hand making a thumbs-up embroidered on the front.
“ That's pretty cool, it's better than what you're wearing right now at least” he's outfitted in a blue hoodie with holes on the chest and tears at the sleeves. He also has a shirt with a faded picture of a blue flower printed on it.
“I guess you're right” he gets up from the floor and exits the wardrobe. He lays the clothes on the couch along next to the blanket and pillow he brought into the room.
“The shower works so you can get yourself clean In there,” I say to him
“You know, a shower sounds really good right now.” He gets up from the floor and grabs a pair of pajama pants that were laying next to him. He leaves the wardrobe and enters the bathroom, closing the door behind him. After a moment the water turns on and I hop on the bed to get ready to sleep. I squirm myself into the quilt and rest my head against one of the pillows. I shut my eyes and fall asleep listening to the passive sound of the shower like rain on a car.
I'm in a void. It feels like I'm standing in a puddle of water that reaches to my knees. I wade my way forward looking around for anything in the darkness. In the distance I can see 3 figures l. I moved closer to them and their silhouettes get clearer. I realize they are my dad and brothers. I start to run towards them kicking up water behind me until something grabs my leg. It pulls down violently forcing me under the water without a breath of air. I kick at the thing grabbing me until something grabs my other leg. I look down and see two glanter's each with a monstrous smile on their faces. They stare back at me and one of them tugs my leg harder than before and tears it off of my body. The water around me turns red as the glanter laugh's. The other smiles wider as it starts to fling me around the water forcing any air left in my lungs to be forced out as I scream in pain. The glanter throws me away and I can see my family slowly fade into the distance as I'm flown away.
I struggle to swim back to where I was, one of my legs is missing and the other is broken. The glanter's find me again and I try to get to the surface to escape them. I'm flapping my arms in any attempt to escape as one of the glanter's flies in front of me and grabs my arm. I look at the monster with tears in my eyes as it bites my arm and tears my body away from it. It flings my body away and with my remaining arm I clutch the wound as the water floods into my body leaving me in the void I started in. I look around and the glanter's seem to have left. I turn behind me and see my family again, this time I'm closer than before.
I grit my teeth and drag my body towards them slowly as I leave a trail of blood and tears behind me. I finally reach my family and grab one of my father's shoes. I stare up and he looks at me. His stare causes me to feel cold as a grotesque smile grows on his face. I stare in shock as my brothers each have the same look as my father.
I shoot up from my sleep panting heavily in a cold sweat.
“It was just a dream..just a dream…just a dream” I look at my hands as tears fall into them. I look around the room and see Preston sleeping peacefully on the couch. The room feels frozen in place as a chill runs down my spine. I get out of the bed and walk out of the bedroom. I make my way through the dark hallway and find the entrance to the balcony I saw earlier. I creak open the screen door and head outside. The Balcony is pretty large, about the size of the kitchen in the house. There are some chairs knocked over next to a table and I pick one up to sit on it. I look out into the expanse of the neighborhood, houses lined up next to each other, dozens broken apart by roads, and dead bodies scattered across the roads.
I look up in the sky and sit back in the chair. The sky looks empty except for the moon giving this world its only source of light. Without the moon, we’d be left in darkness. It hangs in the sky alone, no stars, no clouds, nothing but itself, and the void of the sky. I think back about the dream I had. My dad and my brother's all dead and possessed and then they kill me. I start to tear up thinking about it. I try to wipe away the tears but it’s no use. I'm too scared for my family. I don't know where they are if they're alive if they're worried about me I don't know anything! I start to quietly cry into my hands. I don't know how long I'm sitting there until I feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn my head to face it and I see Preston. He was smiling and looking at me. I turn away to wipe my tears and he walks next to me.
“I heard you sneaking out of the bedroom so I followed you to see where you were going.” he says “but that's not my question.” he pauses and looks at me “my question is what’s got you feeling so down?” he leans over the railing of the balcony
“It's nothing, I just came out here to clear my head.” I say as more tears escape from my eyes in big slow drops that ride down the sides of my face.
“if you don't feel like telling me you don't have to but i'll be here if you ever change your mind”. He looks up at the moon before turning to face me and his smile widens “I'll always be here with you…trust me I'm not going anywhere”
I stare up at him and wipe away my tears as a smile grows on my face to match his. I get up and stare over the balcony with him. “So where are we heading next?” I say to him, Preston pulls the map we got from the man cave downstairs out from his pocket.
“After I got out of the shower I decided to take a look at the map for anything interesting we could see.”
“Ok did you find anything?” i ask
“I did,” he points at a spot on the right of the map. “We should head to the museum”
“I didn't want to go to a museum before the apocalypse why would i want to go now?'' I ask him.
“Well the best part of museums is the cool stuff right”
“Yeah what about it”
“The only problem is that you could only look at the fossils and armor but you could never take them.”
“So you want to rob a museum?” Prestons eyes light up at the question
“Exactly they might have a really cool sword I could use, or I could sharpen a dinosaur tooth and use that as a weapon, there might be a cursed shield that can summon the dead to fight for you. This opportunity is too good to pass up. We need to go!”
“That does seem pretty cool but wouldn't carrying that stuff weigh us down. What if a glanter is chasing us and we can't run fast enough because of the stuff we took from the museum.”
“We’ll only take things that are light. Even then I could just block the glanter with my newly acquired 2000 year old shield.”
“Fair enough we can go in a couple hours” I yawn and stretch out my arms. “Cause I'm feeling way too tired to walk all the way over there right now.”
“Alright i'm heading back to my couch and THEN we’ll head out to the museum” he leaves the balcony and heads back to the master bedroom leaving me alone on the balcony.
“Thanks Preston I'm not leaving either” I say into the sky. I turn around and walk back inside the house, closing the balcony door behind me. I walk back into the bedroom and Preston is hunched over and holding a flashlight looking at the map. He’s drawing lines through roads and marking X’s in different areas.
“What are the X’s for?” i ask him
“They’re places that glanter’s usually stay around. I'm marking them off so we remember not to go through them, or at least be more cautious.”
“Cool. Did you find where we are right now?” He points to an area where the lines all converge out of.
“Right around here is where the neighborhood ends. So if we follow this path we can make it to the museum in one piece” I pat him on the back and take the map from his hands.
“Get some sleep Preston, we have a full day tomorrow” he grins to himself before laying down on the couch. I put the map back into my bag and hop on the bed to get to sleep. I cover my body in the quilt and roll over facing away from Preston as he falls asleep. I nestle myself into the bed and slowly fall asleep to get ready for the next day.
I'm awoken by Preston shaking the bed I'm sleeping on. My eyes open and the room is foggy, I wipe away the sleep from my eyes and focus my attention towards Preston. He's practically jumping out of his skin with excitement, he's already fully dressed for the trip and shaking the bed with a wide smile on his face.
“Ok ok i'm up the air feels heavy as a groggy feeling fills my body. I wipe my eyes and the room starts to clear up. I turn to face Preston. He's still shaking my bed to wake me up, he’s already fully dressed and nearly jumping out of his skin in excitement.
“Ok ok, i'm up you can stop shaking the bed” i say
“Then get up we’ve got a long walk ahead of us” he says as he stops shaking the mattress. He grabs the map from my bag and points to one of the red lines.
“We're gonna follow this way to the museum. We’ll move past the hotel around the ice skating rink and around the park. We’ll mainly stick to walking through the streets, we might have to go rooftop hopping to avoid any glanter’s if we see them but i'm sure we won’t reach that point.” he explains
“Wait, wait, wait, why are avoiding the skating rink and the park” i ask
“ everytime we go near the park there's weird noises and light coming out of it”
“And why can't we go to the ice skating rink?”
“I didn't think it would be important”
“It couldn't hurt to check it out at least”
“Fine we could make a detour”
“Ok and how do you plan on getting on top of roofs?”
“I'm sure we'll figure it out when we get to it”
“Ok man as long as you’re sure '' I yawn and step out of the bed. Preston starts to put the map in his bag. I walk into the bathroom with my clothes and change out of my pajamas. Minutes later I walk out and see Preston sitting on the couch twiddling his thumbs.
“Finally you're out” he smiles at me before handing me my bag and slinging it over his shoulder. We took a last look inside the kitchen to see if we missed anything. Afterwards we leave for the outside. The cold air bites at my face but Preston walks down the stairs, his face buried in the map. I jog to catch up to him as we both head into the street.
“Hey Preston, could I see the map?”
“Sure” he hands over the map and continues walking. I look at the map and the numerous lines drawn on roads. I look at the corner of the map and notice a small map key with numerous symbols for different areas like a library, school, hospital, and more. There's even a way to tell how far away each location is. The text reads “1 inch=5 miles” I quickly count how far we are from the museum.
“Dude this museum is like 100 miles away.”
“Yep it'll be a long walk, it'll take us a while to get there”
“Did you plan on us walking there the whole time?”
“We might find bikes or something.” he pauses “well i did think we would walk the whole way”
“This is gonna take us weeks to get there!”
“Did you have anything else planned?”
“Well…i guess not but we should still try to find some bikes or something”
“Ok if we see any way to travel faster we’ll take it”
“Alright cool” I hand him the map back and he folds it back up and puts it in his bag. We walk further until we leave the gated neighborhood we started in. Preston takes the map back out and looks at it before he turns right and continues walking. I follow him staring forward at the expanse of the road. The outside of the neighborhood is surrounded by roads all leading to different parts of Newkinawa. We walk past a sign that reads “Coretown 20 miles ahead” I nudge Preston towards the sign and he checks the map again.
“Yep, the museum’s in Coretown. Would you believe the residents were pretty proud of it. Should be a fun place to explore” he says
“Yeah but it’ll take us a million years to get there.” i complain
“Lighten up, I'm sure it will be worth it”. We continue walking down the road slowly making our way to Coretown.
2024.05.29 04:09 Storms_Wrath The Human Artificial Hivemind Part 518: A Falling Tower
First Previous Wiki
Penny gazed at the quartet of Elders. They were all wearing the merchandise she remembered from the last Judgment, which was exceedingly awkward. Mainly because they were wearing shirts with her face on them. But it was also oddly endearing, in a way. Until now, she hadn't seen too many Elders that were on her side.
Elders that weren't just Kashaunta or the familiar faces she already knew, like Spentha or Rho and Sai, actually showing appreciation of her, felt odd. Even if these ones went a little too far in it.
"You're even more beautiful in person, Liberator," one said.
"Uh, thanks. I appreciate that. I'm glad that you all like me. Rho and Sai told me that you all are interested in something I can give you?"
"Yeah. Maybe a short interview? We won't be like that airhead reporter. We'll ask the good questions."
"Yep, we will."
"Right then," Penny said. "Well, I'm glad to meet you."
"Thank you. Now that we're here, we'd like to know how you plan on taking care of the gang leaders."
"Well, presumably by imprisoning them. I don't think they deserve to die, even if others do. I'll leave that decision up to Justicar and his various judges in the criminal system."
Penny didn't like having to lie blatantly. She wanted to kill the slavers quite brutally, but doing that was a bad idea right now. Saying it also was a bad idea, for a similar reason. And Justicar's system was worryingly preferential to Elders, from what she'd looked up after the meeting with Pundacrawla.
"Aren't you worried that the Judges won't give proper justice?"
"I trust Justicar to do everything that is necessary."
Another lie. Justicar would do whatever he could to maintain his image. Hopefully, that wouldn't be at the cost of the Alliance's very existence.
"Got it. By the way, what's it like being human? Walking on only two legs. It seems kind of unstable. Do you fall a lot?"
A genuine curiosity from them was another breath of fresh air. It was the kind of question a quadruped would definitely ask, which put her more at ease about the nature of what they were trying to do. Even more than their evident support of her, with all the merch they were wearing. Penny felt a smile crack at the corners of her lips, unbidden.
"Not really. We can use our arms to steady ourselves pretty well. Obviously it's not as easy to balance on our two legs as it is with your four, but it's still good enough. In fact, the sprinters in the Olympics use all four limbs, since running as fast as possible also requires pumping our arms. As for what it's like to be human, it's hard to describe. For many of us, it will feel colder or warmer than Sprilnav would feel in the same temperatures, due to thinner skin. Our eyesight is more frontal than yours, given our lack of snouts, so our blindspots are a lot bigger. Our feet require shoes for rough ground, and we heal slower than you by around 20%. We can't really clack our jaws to the scale that you can, though we can make them meet."
Penny bared her teeth, showing as she opened and closed her mouth. It was nice to be able to talk about things like this.
"The Olympics?" one of them asked.
"It's a competition about athletics," Penny said. "Running, jumping, throwing, diving, swimming, skiing, snowboarding, and a lot of sports. There's specific divisions, too. Like how there's a 100 meter dash, 200 meter dash, 400 meter dash, and even an 800 meter dash for those with high levels of psychic energy. Though really, psychic energy and genetic editing have been messing with the events for a while now. And there's a Winter, Summer, and Space Olympics, each with different sorts of events. They move from city to city, though the Space Olympics are pretty much always on either Luna, Ceres, or Mercury. There's a lot more information out there on various events, but it's an old cultural practice revered by the entire species. Even more so since Phoebe's increased the prize pools for everyone."
"How does your species handle space in general? I know that you guys did things way differently before First Contact."
"We did. Mining companies kept tight control on all asteroid mining, while nations controlled planets like Earth and Mars and large planetary bodies like Luna. Supposedly, a few people planned for a cloud city on Venus, but we couldn't risk having such a vulnerable population because they'd have to rely on giant balloons to survive. That would probably be the least secure way to live, given the existence of rogue organizations and all that.
As for spaceships, most of them since we really colonized Luna come equipped with spacesuit bays, zero gravity water and food packs, oxygen tanks, emergency seats, specialized anti-micrometeorite hulls, and radiation shielding. A lot of the older military ships also were equipped with big radiators until World War Three, when it all became masses of drone warfare, with the big ships kept mainly for cargo and lanes where mass drone control was impossible.
Once the Vinarii came and we got shields, we started building big again. After all, it provided a huge number of jobs, and in the post-war economies, especially with VIs in place, a lot of people needed work. But we still go and do asteroid and moon mining, star lifting, and energy gathering. We built an orbital ring around Mercury, the closest planet to Sol, to help with all of that. It doubles as a production hub, too. Now, it's all in more systems and with a lot more friends."
"Speaking of aliens, what theory does your people have on why so many creatures resemble one another? Our jaws are adapted for hard shelled creatures, and we're told that many planets have oddly similar variations of those."
"Crabs."
She guessed what they were getting at.
It is odd, isn't it? Nilnacrawla observed.
Perhaps that is another one of the Source's whims, Penny thought.
Maybe.
A few of the Elders made exclamations of shock.
"You even have a word for them that directly translates!"
Penny chuckled. "Yeah, carcinization is a bit of a meme in the science community. But I've heard the most mainstream theories since the First Contact are that the Source itself is uncreative. It has a certain template of creatures which it largely doesn't alter, though it can take in inputs from beings close to it, perhaps even influencing them."
"Influencing them?"
"Yes. Modern depictions of wendigoes, folkloric creatures from North America, a continent on Earth, are shockingly similar to the Knowers in appearance. The internet depictions of them in particular like to emphasize canine qualities, and often show them with skulls visible directly, and with dark brown or black fur. Recent depictions, as in the past 300 years, differ from their original appearances quite significantly, with the canine characteristics in particular being enhanced.
We have sorted through all known images of these creatures and found roughly 80% similarity with the Knowers and tens of thousands of images that are literally exactly the same as Knowers. The ones we searched all came before World War Three, far before even the First Contact with the Vinarii, much less the Knowers who were entirely underground at the time due to the radiation of their home star. We believe that the Source managed to influence this facet of human culture with the actual existence of a real creature.
Other examples exist, like how the Trikkec look very similar to Komodo Dragons, Vinarii look very similar to insects known as a mantis, and the Acuarfar look exactly like insects known as wasps with the single exception of their furry snouts and green instead of yellow markings. The Sprilnav species itself shares high amounts of similarity with a fictional species known as Elites in early 2000s culture, particularly with your jaws, though you all have red skin instead of grey or brown.
The Junyli, Dreedeen, and the wanderers are the main species without high amounts of appearance in our cultures at some point. This correlates with the idea of the Source being the influencer, as their predecessors all were used to fight it. Many species of the galaxy look like parts of our culture or Earth's creatures. The proximity of these examples makes this far more suspicious than if they were across the galaxy.
But since they existed first, the only answer must be that the Source brought the influence to us first and planted the ideas in our heads. As for the ones which look like Earth creatures, all of them are old enough evolutionary branches that copying from them to Earth makes more sense. Though the references centering around the early 2000s is quite odd, it is also roughly when the internet came into wide existence, so it is also possible the Source gave the ideas a push so they would propagate, for an unknown reason. Like if it seeded the ideas that propagated across the early global network Humanity used."
"Hmm. Fascinating. We've seen evidence of the 'seeding' process among some historical nations near the galactic region of Earth before. So the Source re-uses and alters depictions of life and also life itself?"
"Maybe," Penny said. "Unless the Source is more directly tied to life than we think. There's a conceptual Death, but no conceptual Life. Isn't that odd?"
"Conceptual Life died in the Source war."
How did that really work, though? Penny asked Nilnacrawla.
Imagine a conceptual being. A few of the Progenitors, as well as Narvravarana, went up to try to harvest its power. It refused, and Narvravarana used its unique abilities to try and force the deal.
Why was your civilization like this?
Excess and greed, partly. But we couldn't really do much more expansion. Vertical expansion also had its limits if we wanted to remain relevant for the remaining lifespan of the universe. So Narvravarana, along with a few of the greatest rulers and leaders of Sprilnav society, started looking to other dimensional planes. They figured it was best not to let the problem get too much worse. Or at least, that is what they say. I believe it was to harvest more resources to use against our surrounding enemies.
You didn't have any allies? Penny asked.
At that time, all the powers of the universe were enemies. All the allies eventually merged through millions of years of normalization. We happened to get on the universal stage the earliest, so other civilizations we encountered had little choice but to surrender their independence. Some fought, others didn't, but the outcome was the same.
That seems terrible.
It was, though the other universal civilizations were no better. Some of them just exterminated all alien life they found that couldn't fight back. In that sense, the pre-war Sprilnav civilization was one of the greatest, and that's why I fought for them. Obviously, I'm biased in that regard, though.
Thanks for telling me, father.
No problem, Penny.
She refocused back on the conversation at hand.
"But a thing cannot be alive if it dies. The concept of life doesn't work that way. So maybe the Source just... took in the concept of life? Or absorbed it into whatever psychic energy really is, considering that it's responsible for all of our existence?"
"That's so crazy it might actually be true," one of the Elders said. "You're incredible, Penny."
"Uh, thanks. You're all pretty great too." Her eyes drifted to the images of herself on their clothing. She couldn't really help it.
"I have a question for you."
"Yes?"
"Do you know what I'm fighting for?"
"I assume since you're asking it here, you don't just want a one word answer," an Elder said. "I would say yes, and for the liberation of the Sprilnav from the stain of slavery. Though going deeper into your history, you have also fought for other species, either in wars or just generally moving around. It does look aimless, mostly, since the galaxy's so big. But I'm sure you've got a way through that."
"In some way. Part of why I'm here isn't just about my people. It was at first, I admit that. But as I have lived here, on Justicar, for days and weeks, I've seen you less as alien. It makes it easier for sympathy and easier to break out of simple mindsets. So far, there are many problems, but there are distinct pieces. The first is that many people want to uphold slavery. I'm not sure why, but they do. It isn't profitable, and it isn't moral. Robots are cheaper in every way, and don't need food or water.
That means it's illogical or emotional. So I could try and solve the problem with violence alone, but it won't be addressing the cause, only the symptoms. I need to get to the heart of the matter. And I think it has to do with Elders' memories and the gradual woes they have accumulated going through life. I don't want to tear that away or drug them into believing they're fine. I want to find a way to outlet that productively. The second part I have identified is scale. The galaxy is enormous, and your species is incredibly numerous. I could fight planet by planet for the rest of my life, and liberation would still be difficult.
That also means I'd need a better way of doing things. Maybe an economic or political incentive. Emotional reasons will not work permanently, nor will logic, since we are in this situation. I have found several ways to address this. Sadly, since the gangs are likely monitoring this feed, I can't just outright say my strategy. All I can ask you all to do is to believe. Believe that I have a solution, and that I and those who stand with me are working on it. Believe in me because I believe in you."
None of the Elders questioned or ridiculed her words. Most of it was because they were fans of her. But one of them, an Elder named Rahautiti, had a distinct glint in his eye. Their gazes met only momentarily, but Penny could tell he knew.
And so she appeared in the mindscape, even as they concluded the interview, which would be the first of many. It was a ploy to just talk about human culture and ideals a bit more, to get it out there. Because the hivemind's theory was correct.
In the universe, ideas had power. That power could be weaponized against those who previously stood to gain. The first part of it was the image: Nova as an unbeatable bastion. Lecalicus as the Beast, a monster capable of star-crushing rage. Twilight as... whatever she did. Penny wasn't really familiar with the Progenitor's image too much, and the various names, like the Silent Night or the Smiling Darkness, were just so unbelievably edgy she cringed every time she recalled them.
But Rahautiti understood so she moved her mindscape avatar to see him.
"Hello again, Penny. I am no threat."
"I know. I'm glad that your group is led by someone as capable as you, as well as the other groups you dabble within."
"Who discovered it?"
"Phoebe. You met with Ezeonwha, and the android wanted to ensure you weren't a way for Yasihaut to kill him."
"Yeah. We did get approached about that, actually. We're supposed to kill Ezeonwha when you walk into the Judgment hall. Of course, we won't do this, and she won't be able to retaliate against us easily while there."
"Thank you for your honesty, Elder," Penny said. "It seems I'm in your debt."
"Nonsense. 2,839. That is the number of children I have had. 2,626. That is the number of children of mine which were enslaved. The remaining 213 died in unrelated incidents, with nearly half of those involving slavers killing them. I remember all of their names, and all of their faces, Penny. I want all the slavers in this universe dead."
"I cannot achieve that."
"You cannot," Rahautiti agreed. "Not with my help or even that of Kashaunta and Lecalicus. And certainly not right now. I have not lived this long to be incapable of compromise or patchwork solutions. You show great promise. I understand your aversion to killing and the circumstantial reason why you are not doing so now. I will not grow upset if you do not resume killing when the Judgment ends. Nor do I harbor a grudge against you for the speeding space entity you left outside the room to avoid uncomfortable publicity. You are incredibly young.
A sliver of a life. But you are strong, and you are mature. That sliver of your lifespan already outshines all I could do with a trillion more years, Penny. You are right in that this isn't something you can punch your way through. Trauma is part of why slavery still exists, despite it being a wholly unjust reason for the Elders to make such a sport of it. I am sure you know the story of the war, with a great hero in your head and Kashaunta at your side. My line of work is what I started to help you. Every thought about you being the Liberator, every eye that glances on you freeing slaves, helps you to gather conceptual energy. My talent happens to be great enough to sense the Pact of Blades you have, as well. If you want, I can teach you how to hide the mark on your soul and your mind."
"I would like that, yes," Penny said. "And thank you for being so reasonable. I will ask Kashaunta to protect you from what consequences come for refusing the offer on Ezeonwha."
"There are going to be attacks on him, you know. Him and your ship."
Penny felt an odd feeling in her soul. Cardi's power flared around him, and she squinted at the sky. She just barely saw a sliver of a tentacle. Most would have mistaken it for a normal speeding space entity. But here? On Justicar, with Exile obviously not being the cause?
Only one being would cause that. Fate.
Given the subject of their conversation, it was obvious what was going on.
Penny tapped Rahautiti's jaw, adding a thin mark of conceptual power so she could easily find him again. She focused on the conceptual mark she'd left on Ezeonwha. A twinge of conceptual energy came from it. It was accompanied by various impressions, like fear, pain, and acceptance.
"I have to go," Penny said. "I will be back later. Displace."
She appeared next to the 102nd Visitor Welcome Office but not next to Ezeonwha. It was carnage everywhere she looked.
"Champion!" an unknown Elder yelled. "I am Elder Na-"
Her rising fury surged, and it took all she had not to dismember him. The distant thought of the Judgment stayed her hands, though only just.
Penny's fist collided with the Elder's jaw at twice the speed of sound. A piece of his jaws flew free. Bone fragments hit the ground behind him. Hundreds of soldiers fired on her, and she slammed them to the ground with pure will. Penny tore their guns away and sent them each to pummel the Elder in front of her with as much brutality as she could. His powerful armor wasn't as capable of defense against physical attacks as it was against her psychic energy, and so he fell.
"You... cannot save him," the Elder spat. Fields of psychic suppression fell upon her, reducing her power.
"Manipulation through Determination," Penny growled. "De-"
No! Nilnacrawla said. Do not kill him! Not yet!
"What goes up will go down."
Air hardened around the Elder and accelerated rapidly.
The Elder smashed into the shield five miles above with a speed just slow enough that he wouldn't die. He fell from it and then hit it again at a more modest speed. He'd bounce on that until the Guides came to get him.
But Penny had another target. One she had to save instead of attack.
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High Judge Tassidonia awoke to the sound of explosions. He grabbed his swords, his main gun, and the personal shield he reserved for only the most dire occasions. The sky was erupting in war all around him, and buildings were already falling nearby. The spires of skyscrapers rained down upon the entrances to the Underground, crushing thousands of fleeing Sprilnav under their wide impacts.
His implant identified members of the gangs nearby, making their way to his home.
"Retribution Cycle!" Tassidonia cried. A hidden door opened, and he boarded a small hovercraft that sported a high amount of defensive and offensive technology, a gift from Justicar for dealing with all that he had related to the Judgment. Only this time, he wouldn't be on the next one. But already, the destruction was spreading.
Micro-missiles rained upon friend and foe alike. Several detonated against the layered shields. The mounted turrets on the side of his hoverbike shot lasers into the enemies his implant identified.
"Elder Tassidonia!" an Elder cried nearby. "For the crime of defying the will of-"
Tassidonia called his fury to bear. He rammed his mind into the enemy Elder, disorienting her. She reeled, about to attack, when a thick laser smashed into her chest. It pushed her against the wall, and Tassidonia kept the pressure up until her body melted. He listened to her screams impassively, occasionally sending blasts from his gun at the gangs when their members started to stray too close.
The thick red beam did its work within twenty pulses. His swords began to float beside him, keeping pace as he sped away from his home. The entire apartment complex shuddered and began to lean, its foundation being destroyed by some effect below. Tassidonia abandoned it with only minor regret. He'd known this moment would come. Everything he needed was already with him.
He linked into the Guide network, directing squadrons to attack the breaches he'd identified. Orbital strikes fell upon them in quick succession. Thick beams of light pierced through the lower planetary shields from orbital platforms, their guns honing in on Justicar's enemies. Tassidonia's implant was linked to the grid as well. So when he eyed buildings occupied with too many gang members, orbital strikes fell on them a few pulses later.
Fire and plasma rained all around him. Explosions and smoke blossomed all around him. More missiles fell from his hovercraft. A fighter ship appeared beside him, its simple stealth revealing itself to his eyes. Tassidonia waited for the pilot chamber to open, and his craft stowed itself behind him when he got in. It was fully equipped, so soon, Tassidonia was in full control of a weapon of war.
His first order of business was detecting the gangs' most fortified areas. He peppered those bases in shield-weakening mines, followed by bunker-buster missiles. Several anti-air turrets hit him, but his shields prevented them from taking him down. He dropped three high-end Butcher Androids into the fray of the largest battles.
One of the adjacent fighter wings in the separate shield sector dropped a nuke. At that moment, Tassidonia made a decision.
Whatever insanity was going on right now wasn't worth staying here on his own. He turned his ship upward, narrowly avoiding nearly fifty missiles shot from another gang fortress, which was really just the lower floors of a supermarket. Thick slabs of concrete were being set up by androids and slaves from the Underground. All he could do was watch from above and attempt to mark those that might be a problem.
Justicar's Grand Fleet was moving in, though only the carriers and their escorts were doing anything of any scale. The armies were mobilizing, and it seemed that war had finally broken out. Justicar, while isolated due to the Judgment, would have to win a war that threatened to topple his rule entirely.
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Ezeonwha woke when the walls around him shuddered.
An earthquake?
Groggily, he activated the lights in the room. Phoebe's android was charging in the wall. Her limbs swayed with the motion. The walls shuddered again, and the lights went out. Thin, tiny cracks spread in the walls, increasing his worry factors massively. His implant notified him that this wasn't a dream. Distant screams reached his ears, and he went to the window.
Hordes of Sprilnav were running on the ground, tripping over each other to escape. He heard the thump of footsteps approaching from outside. The android activated, standing up.
"Move away from the doo-"
An explosion tossed him across the room. A Sprilnav carrying some sort of mouth weapon faded into view for a moment, smoke recalibrating the stealth field. And then he was gone. Phoebe smashed into the Sprilnav, her fists pummeling the assassin faster than Ezeonwha could comprehend.
Phoebe's arms turned into swords, and she stabbed the Sprilnav at least fifty times in a single pulse. She turned to grab him, but before she reached him, a second explosion sent him flying out of the now-shattered window.
The massive skyscraper loomed large, and he saw the ground beneath it ripple. Dull thumps sounded from below, and large, circular caverns opened beneath the 102nd Visitor Welcome Office. The whole building started to list forward, and Ezeonwha frantically activated his emergency personal shield as he started falling faster and faster. A bullet hit the shield. And then a second one. Gunshots echoed out in the distance, and he saw other Sprilnav falling from broken windows in the falling skyscraper. Gunfire erupted on the streets as Guides engaged a growing army of attackers bubbling up from basements of shops and businesses.
He saw spurts of blood exit the Sprilnav nearest him, bullets tearing holes through the woman's body. Piercing screams surrounded him, a terrible chorus that reminded him of the worst wars he'd fought in. But here, his training could do nothing. She was already dead, and he knew that he was the target of this whole attack. His eyes watered, and Ezeonwha felt so powerless. So useless.
A Corrector emerged from the side of the tilting skyscraper, eyes fixed on Ezeonwha. Then he looked down. Somehow, Ezeonwha knew when the orders had been sent. He knew that it was Astipra in the distance, a jetpack on his shoulders burning a thick flame beneath him.
Astipra looked back at the building and flew toward it. Ezeonwha felt the wind rushing past the shield as pressure. Astipra, far above, vaporized falling chunks of the skyscraper with blasts from his arm cannons. He pressed back against the skyscraper, the jetpack going into overdrive. The metal bent inward, and the groaning and twisting structure continued its fall. Blasts of light from Astipra again vaporized the set of falling chunks.
"Penny," he said. It was almost a prayer, really. His desperate mind was scrambling for whatever it could get. "Please, save me!"
He didn't know if she could hear him. Logically, it was impossible. And in a battle such as this, unlikely as well. Rippling explosions erupted across the facade of the falling skyscraper as rockets struck it. More explosions bloomed as lasers from distant police vehicles, Guides, and Astipra destroyed more of the fast-flying missiles and rockets. They pounded on the world around him, a horde of madness threatening to break his brain. He could feel the wind and gravity equalize as he reached terminal velocity.
And all he could see was the world descending into war around him. The 102nd Visitor Welcome Office continued to slump and lean against Astipra's best efforts. More bullets hit Ezeonwha's personal shield, and peppered the Guides moving over to save him. Air ambulances were shot from the sky. Even small fighter crafts were shot down by powerful ground lasers. EMPs thumped, disabling all the higher functions of his implant before he could think to use it.
A much larger explosion bloomed out, and Ezeonwha followed the rocket's trail to an Elder on the ground, standing in the wreckage surrounding a sudden tunnel opening. The Elder stared at him in glee, and he lined up another shot. Two Guides fell upon the Elder, who flew up using a jetpack to cut them in half with his sword. A hard light hologram lifted a large gun, pointing at Ezeonwha as he fell.
His eyes widened. Ezeonwha did everything he could. He angled his legs and arms. He pushed at the air. He even hefted the meager psychic energy he had, struggling with all his soul to escape the death he could feel was coming to him.
Guides swarmed beyond the shield appearing, while gang soldiers died by the hundreds to carpet bombing. Personal shields sprang up to block the explosions, and the Elder had survived. A thick red laser cut one of the fighters in half from the smoke. Above him, the collapsing facade of the skyscraper consumed Astipra entirely, though large gouts of plasma and thick explosions emerged from within. He could survive if it fell upon him, but Ezonwha could not.
Penny materialized far below, closer to the field of battle. A sweeping wave of gang members began disappearing. A bullet smashed into her head and her stomach, detonating in bright explosions. A personal shield flared and disappeared. Missiles and lasers slammed into Penny by the thousands as psychic energy gathered. A constant roll of words fell from her tongue, but without his implant, they were not translated.
Missiles crumbled into dust. Lasers impacted raw space in front of Penny before bending down and back to their origins, destroying automated turrets. Bullets still hit Penny and the Guides by the thousands, firing too quickly and densely for her to entirely block. But the large ordnance from the gangs continued to work against them.
Penny looked around, confusion evident on her face. But amidst the thousands of wounded and dead Sprilnav falling from the broken windows, Ezeonwha was hidden too well.
Shattering glass could be constantly heard, and he could feel the distant screams in his soul. A bullet smashed into his personal shield again, disabling it. A pulse later, he lost feeling in his legs.
He tried to reach out to her mind, but the war in the mindscape was equally intense. Too many Elders and Guides battling it out along with various suppression artifacts made it all impossible. He could sense Penny's influence, but couldn't directly reach her.
He let out a breath, knowing it to be the final one.
I'm sorry, Penny, Ezeonwha thought.
I wish you luck in the Judgment, and I am sorry I caused this to happen to you.
Penny finally appeared in front of him, eyes wide-
Blood erupted. A searing pain in his head told him his implant had just shorted out. And in the mindscape, he saw a mental attack heading for him, its brutal power evident. He closed his eyes.
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Penny gazed at the quartet of Elders. They were all wearing the merchandise she remembered from the last Judgment, which was exceedingly awkward. Mainly because they were wearing shirts with her face on them. But it was also oddly endearing, in a way. Until now, she hadn't seen too many Elders that were on her side.
Elders that weren't just Kashaunta or the familiar faces she already knew, like Spentha or Rho and Sai, actually showing appreciation of her, felt odd. Even if these ones went a little too far in it.
"You're even more beautiful in person, Liberator," one said.
"Uh, thanks. I appreciate that. I'm glad that you all like me. Rho and Sai told me that you all are interested in something I can give you?"
"Yeah. Maybe a short interview? We won't be like that airhead reporter. We'll ask the good questions."
"Yep, we will."
"Right then," Penny said. "Well, I'm glad to meet you."
"Thank you. Now that we're here, we'd like to know how you plan on taking care of the gang leaders."
"Well, presumably by imprisoning them. I don't think they deserve to die, even if others do. I'll leave that decision up to Justicar and his various judges in the criminal system."
Penny didn't like having to lie blatantly. She wanted to kill the slavers quite brutally, but doing that was a bad idea right now. Saying it also was a bad idea, for a similar reason. And Justicar's system was worryingly preferential to Elders, from what she'd looked up after the meeting with Pundacrawla.
"Aren't you worried that the Judges won't give proper justice?"
"I trust Justicar to do everything that is necessary."
Another lie. Justicar would do whatever he could to maintain his image. Hopefully, that wouldn't be at the cost of the Alliance's very existence.
"Got it. By the way, what's it like being human? Walking on only two legs. It seems kind of unstable. Do you fall a lot?"
A genuine curiosity from them was another breath of fresh air. It was the kind of question a quadruped would definitely ask, which put her more at ease about the nature of what they were trying to do. Even more than their evident support of her, with all the merch they were wearing. Penny felt a smile crack at the corners of her lips, unbidden.
"Not really. We can use our arms to steady ourselves pretty well. Obviously it's not as easy to balance on our two legs as it is with your four, but it's still good enough. In fact, the sprinters in the Olympics use all four limbs, since running as fast as possible also requires pumping our arms. As for what it's like to be human, it's hard to describe. For many of us, it will feel colder or warmer than Sprilnav would feel in the same temperatures, due to thinner skin. Our eyesight is more frontal than yours, given our lack of snouts, so our blindspots are a lot bigger. Our feet require shoes for rough ground, and we heal slower than you by around 20%. We can't really clack our jaws to the scale that you can, though we can make them meet."
Penny bared her teeth, showing as she opened and closed her mouth. It was nice to be able to talk about things like this.
"The Olympics?" one of them asked.
"It's a competition about athletics," Penny said. "Running, jumping, throwing, diving, swimming, skiing, snowboarding, and a lot of sports. There's specific divisions, too. Like how there's a 100 meter dash, 200 meter dash, 400 meter dash, and even an 800 meter dash for those with high levels of psychic energy. Though really, psychic energy and genetic editing have been messing with the events for a while now. And there's a Winter, Summer, and Space Olympics, each with different sorts of events. They move from city to city, though the Space Olympics are pretty much always on either Luna, Ceres, or Mercury. There's a lot more information out there on various events, but it's an old cultural practice revered by the entire species. Even more so since Phoebe's increased the prize pools for everyone."
"How does your species handle space in general? I know that you guys did things way differently before First Contact."
"We did. Mining companies kept tight control on all asteroid mining, while nations controlled planets like Earth and Mars and large planetary bodies like Luna. Supposedly, a few people planned for a cloud city on Venus, but we couldn't risk having such a vulnerable population because they'd have to rely on giant balloons to survive. That would probably be the least secure way to live, given the existence of rogue organizations and all that.
As for spaceships, most of them since we really colonized Luna come equipped with spacesuit bays, zero gravity water and food packs, oxygen tanks, emergency seats, specialized anti-micrometeorite hulls, and radiation shielding. A lot of the older military ships also were equipped with big radiators until World War Three, when it all became masses of drone warfare, with the big ships kept mainly for cargo and lanes where mass drone control was impossible.
Once the Vinarii came and we got shields, we started building big again. After all, it provided a huge number of jobs, and in the post-war economies, especially with VIs in place, a lot of people needed work. But we still go and do asteroid and moon mining, star lifting, and energy gathering. We built an orbital ring around Mercury, the closest planet to Sol, to help with all of that. It doubles as a production hub, too. Now, it's all in more systems and with a lot more friends."
"Speaking of aliens, what theory does your people have on why so many creatures resemble one another? Our jaws are adapted for hard shelled creatures, and we're told that many planets have oddly similar variations of those."
"Crabs."
She guessed what they were getting at.
It is odd, isn't it? Nilnacrawla observed.
Perhaps that is another one of the Source's whims, Penny thought.
Maybe.
A few of the Elders made exclamations of shock.
"You even have a word for them that directly translates!"
Penny chuckled. "Yeah, carcinization is a bit of a meme in the science community. But I've heard the most mainstream theories since the First Contact are that the Source itself is uncreative. It has a certain template of creatures which it largely doesn't alter, though it can take in inputs from beings close to it, perhaps even influencing them."
"Influencing them?"
"Yes. Modern depictions of wendigoes, folkloric creatures from North America, a continent on Earth, are shockingly similar to the Knowers in appearance. The internet depictions of them in particular like to emphasize canine qualities, and often show them with skulls visible directly, and with dark brown or black fur. Recent depictions, as in the past 300 years, differ from their original appearances quite significantly, with the canine characteristics in particular being enhanced.
We have sorted through all known images of these creatures and found roughly 80% similarity with the Knowers and tens of thousands of images that are literally exactly the same as Knowers. The ones we searched all came before World War Three, far before even the First Contact with the Vinarii, much less the Knowers who were entirely underground at the time due to the radiation of their home star. We believe that the Source managed to influence this facet of human culture with the actual existence of a real creature.
Other examples exist, like how the Trikkec look very similar to Komodo Dragons, Vinarii look very similar to insects known as a mantis, and the Acuarfar look exactly like insects known as wasps with the single exception of their furry snouts and green instead of yellow markings. The Sprilnav species itself shares high amounts of similarity with a fictional species known as Elites in early 2000s culture, particularly with your jaws, though you all have red skin instead of grey or brown.
The Junyli, Dreedeen, and the wanderers are the main species without high amounts of appearance in our cultures at some point. This correlates with the idea of the Source being the influencer, as their predecessors all were used to fight it. Many species of the galaxy look like parts of our culture or Earth's creatures. The proximity of these examples makes this far more suspicious than if they were across the galaxy.
But since they existed first, the only answer must be that the Source brought the influence to us first and planted the ideas in our heads. As for the ones which look like Earth creatures, all of them are old enough evolutionary branches that copying from them to Earth makes more sense. Though the references centering around the early 2000s is quite odd, it is also roughly when the internet came into wide existence, so it is also possible the Source gave the ideas a push so they would propagate, for an unknown reason. Like if it seeded the ideas that propagated across the early global network Humanity used."
"Hmm. Fascinating. We've seen evidence of the 'seeding' process among some historical nations near the galactic region of Earth before. So the Source re-uses and alters depictions of life and also life itself?"
"Maybe," Penny said. "Unless the Source is more directly tied to life than we think. There's a conceptual Death, but no conceptual Life. Isn't that odd?"
"Conceptual Life died in the Source war."
How did that really work, though? Penny asked Nilnacrawla.
Imagine a conceptual being. A few of the Progenitors, as well as Narvravarana, went up to try to harvest its power. It refused, and Narvravarana used its unique abilities to try and force the deal.
Why was your civilization like this?
Excess and greed, partly. But we couldn't really do much more expansion. Vertical expansion also had its limits if we wanted to remain relevant for the remaining lifespan of the universe. So Narvravarana, along with a few of the greatest rulers and leaders of Sprilnav society, started looking to other dimensional planes. They figured it was best not to let the problem get too much worse. Or at least, that is what they say. I believe it was to harvest more resources to use against our surrounding enemies.
You didn't have any allies? Penny asked.
At that time, all the powers of the universe were enemies. All the allies eventually merged through millions of years of normalization. We happened to get on the universal stage the earliest, so other civilizations we encountered had little choice but to surrender their independence. Some fought, others didn't, but the outcome was the same.
That seems terrible.
It was, though the other universal civilizations were no better. Some of them just exterminated all alien life they found that couldn't fight back. In that sense, the pre-war Sprilnav civilization was one of the greatest, and that's why I fought for them. Obviously, I'm biased in that regard, though.
Thanks for telling me, father.
No problem, Penny.
She refocused back on the conversation at hand.
"But a thing cannot be alive if it dies. The concept of life doesn't work that way. So maybe the Source just... took in the concept of life? Or absorbed it into whatever psychic energy really is, considering that it's responsible for all of our existence?"
"That's so crazy it might actually be true," one of the Elders said. "You're incredible, Penny."
"Uh, thanks. You're all pretty great too." Her eyes drifted to the images of herself on their clothing. She couldn't really help it.
"I have a question for you."
"Yes?"
"Do you know what I'm fighting for?"
"I assume since you're asking it here, you don't just want a one word answer," an Elder said. "I would say yes, and for the liberation of the Sprilnav from the stain of slavery. Though going deeper into your history, you have also fought for other species, either in wars or just generally moving around. It does look aimless, mostly, since the galaxy's so big. But I'm sure you've got a way through that."
"In some way. Part of why I'm here isn't just about my people. It was at first, I admit that. But as I have lived here, on Justicar, for days and weeks, I've seen you less as alien. It makes it easier for sympathy and easier to break out of simple mindsets. So far, there are many problems, but there are distinct pieces. The first is that many people want to uphold slavery. I'm not sure why, but they do. It isn't profitable, and it isn't moral. Robots are cheaper in every way, and don't need food or water.
That means it's illogical or emotional. So I could try and solve the problem with violence alone, but it won't be addressing the cause, only the symptoms. I need to get to the heart of the matter. And I think it has to do with Elders' memories and the gradual woes they have accumulated going through life. I don't want to tear that away or drug them into believing they're fine. I want to find a way to outlet that productively. The second part I have identified is scale. The galaxy is enormous, and your species is incredibly numerous. I could fight planet by planet for the rest of my life, and liberation would still be difficult.
That also means I'd need a better way of doing things. Maybe an economic or political incentive. Emotional reasons will not work permanently, nor will logic, since we are in this situation. I have found several ways to address this. Sadly, since the gangs are likely monitoring this feed, I can't just outright say my strategy. All I can ask you all to do is to believe. Believe that I have a solution, and that I and those who stand with me are working on it. Believe in me because I believe in you."
None of the Elders questioned or ridiculed her words. Most of it was because they were fans of her. But one of them, an Elder named Rahautiti, had a distinct glint in his eye. Their gazes met only momentarily, but Penny could tell he knew.
And so she appeared in the mindscape, even as they concluded the interview, which would be the first of many. It was a ploy to just talk about human culture and ideals a bit more, to get it out there. Because the hivemind's theory was correct.
In the universe, ideas had power. That power could be weaponized against those who previously stood to gain. The first part of it was the image: Nova as an unbeatable bastion. Lecalicus as the Beast, a monster capable of star-crushing rage. Twilight as... whatever she did. Penny wasn't really familiar with the Progenitor's image too much, and the various names, like the Silent Night or the Smiling Darkness, were just so unbelievably edgy she cringed every time she recalled them.
But Rahautiti understood so she moved her mindscape avatar to see him.
"Hello again, Penny. I am no threat."
"I know. I'm glad that your group is led by someone as capable as you, as well as the other groups you dabble within."
"Who discovered it?"
"Phoebe. You met with Ezeonwha, and the android wanted to ensure you weren't a way for Yasihaut to kill him."
"Yeah. We did get approached about that, actually. We're supposed to kill Ezeonwha when you walk into the Judgment hall. Of course, we won't do this, and she won't be able to retaliate against us easily while there."
"Thank you for your honesty, Elder," Penny said. "It seems I'm in your debt."
"Nonsense. 2,839. That is the number of children I have had. 2,626. That is the number of children of mine which were enslaved. The remaining 213 died in unrelated incidents, with nearly half of those involving slavers killing them. I remember all of their names, and all of their faces, Penny. I want all the slavers in this universe dead."
"I cannot achieve that."
"You cannot," Rahautiti agreed. "Not with my help or even that of Kashaunta and Lecalicus. And certainly not right now. I have not lived this long to be incapable of compromise or patchwork solutions. You show great promise. I understand your aversion to killing and the circumstantial reason why you are not doing so now. I will not grow upset if you do not resume killing when the Judgment ends. Nor do I harbor a grudge against you for the speeding space entity you left outside the room to avoid uncomfortable publicity. You are incredibly young.
A sliver of a life. But you are strong, and you are mature. That sliver of your lifespan already outshines all I could do with a trillion more years, Penny. You are right in that this isn't something you can punch your way through. Trauma is part of why slavery still exists, despite it being a wholly unjust reason for the Elders to make such a sport of it. I am sure you know the story of the war, with a great hero in your head and Kashaunta at your side. My line of work is what I started to help you. Every thought about you being the Liberator, every eye that glances on you freeing slaves, helps you to gather conceptual energy. My talent happens to be great enough to sense the Pact of Blades you have, as well. If you want, I can teach you how to hide the mark on your soul and your mind."
"I would like that, yes," Penny said. "And thank you for being so reasonable. I will ask Kashaunta to protect you from what consequences come for refusing the offer on Ezeonwha."
"There are going to be attacks on him, you know. Him and your ship."
Penny felt an odd feeling in her soul. Cardi's power flared around him, and she squinted at the sky. She just barely saw a sliver of a tentacle. Most would have mistaken it for a normal speeding space entity. But here? On Justicar, with Exile obviously not being the cause?
Only one being would cause that. Fate.
Given the subject of their conversation, it was obvious what was going on.
Penny tapped Rahautiti's jaw, adding a thin mark of conceptual power so she could easily find him again. She focused on the conceptual mark she'd left on Ezeonwha. A twinge of conceptual energy came from it. It was accompanied by various impressions, like fear, pain, and acceptance.
"I have to go," Penny said. "I will be back later. Displace."
She appeared next to the 102nd Visitor Welcome Office but not next to Ezeonwha. It was carnage everywhere she looked.
"Champion!" an unknown Elder yelled. "I am Elder Na-"
Her rising fury surged, and it took all she had not to dismember him. The distant thought of the Judgment stayed her hands, though only just.
Penny's fist collided with the Elder's jaw at twice the speed of sound. A piece of his jaws flew free. Bone fragments hit the ground behind him. Hundreds of soldiers fired on her, and she slammed them to the ground with pure will. Penny tore their guns away and sent them each to pummel the Elder in front of her with as much brutality as she could. His powerful armor wasn't as capable of defense against physical attacks as it was against her psychic energy, and so he fell.
"You... cannot save him," the Elder spat. Fields of psychic suppression fell upon her, reducing her power.
"Manipulation through Determination," Penny growled. "De-"
No! Nilnacrawla said. Do not kill him! Not yet!
"What goes up will go down."
Air hardened around the Elder and accelerated rapidly.
The Elder smashed into the shield five miles above with a speed just slow enough that he wouldn't die. He fell from it and then hit it again at a more modest speed. He'd bounce on that until the Guides came to get him.
But Penny had another target. One she had to save instead of attack.
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High Judge Tassidonia awoke to the sound of explosions. He grabbed his swords, his main gun, and the personal shield he reserved for only the most dire occasions. The sky was erupting in war all around him, and buildings were already falling nearby. The spires of skyscrapers rained down upon the entrances to the Underground, crushing thousands of fleeing Sprilnav under their wide impacts.
His implant identified members of the gangs nearby, making their way to his home.
"Retribution Cycle!" Tassidonia cried. A hidden door opened, and he boarded a small hovercraft that sported a high amount of defensive and offensive technology, a gift from Justicar for dealing with all that he had related to the Judgment. Only this time, he wouldn't be on the next one. But already, the destruction was spreading.
Micro-missiles rained upon friend and foe alike. Several detonated against the layered shields. The mounted turrets on the side of his hoverbike shot lasers into the enemies his implant identified.
"Elder Tassidonia!" an Elder cried nearby. "For the crime of defying the will of-"
Tassidonia called his fury to bear. He rammed his mind into the enemy Elder, disorienting her. She reeled, about to attack, when a thick laser smashed into her chest. It pushed her against the wall, and Tassidonia kept the pressure up until her body melted. He listened to her screams impassively, occasionally sending blasts from his gun at the gangs when their members started to stray too close.
The thick red beam did its work within twenty pulses. His swords began to float beside him, keeping pace as he sped away from his home. The entire apartment complex shuddered and began to lean, its foundation being destroyed by some effect below. Tassidonia abandoned it with only minor regret. He'd known this moment would come. Everything he needed was already with him.
He linked into the Guide network, directing squadrons to attack the breaches he'd identified. Orbital strikes fell upon them in quick succession. Thick beams of light pierced through the lower planetary shields from orbital platforms, their guns honing in on Justicar's enemies. Tassidonia's implant was linked to the grid as well. So when he eyed buildings occupied with too many gang members, orbital strikes fell on them a few pulses later.
Fire and plasma rained all around him. Explosions and smoke blossomed all around him. More missiles fell from his hovercraft. A fighter ship appeared beside him, its simple stealth revealing itself to his eyes. Tassidonia waited for the pilot chamber to open, and his craft stowed itself behind him when he got in. It was fully equipped, so soon, Tassidonia was in full control of a weapon of war.
His first order of business was detecting the gangs' most fortified areas. He peppered those bases in shield-weakening mines, followed by bunker-buster missiles. Several anti-air turrets hit him, but his shields prevented them from taking him down. He dropped three high-end Butcher Androids into the fray of the largest battles.
One of the adjacent fighter wings in the separate shield sector dropped a nuke. At that moment, Tassidonia made a decision.
Whatever insanity was going on right now wasn't worth staying here on his own. He turned his ship upward, narrowly avoiding nearly fifty missiles shot from another gang fortress, which was really just the lower floors of a supermarket. Thick slabs of concrete were being set up by androids and slaves from the Underground. All he could do was watch from above and attempt to mark those that might be a problem.
Justicar's Grand Fleet was moving in, though only the carriers and their escorts were doing anything of any scale. The armies were mobilizing, and it seemed that war had finally broken out. Justicar, while isolated due to the Judgment, would have to win a war that threatened to topple his rule entirely.
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Ezeonwha woke when the walls around him shuddered.
An earthquake?
Groggily, he activated the lights in the room. Phoebe's android was charging in the wall. Her limbs swayed with the motion. The walls shuddered again, and the lights went out. Thin, tiny cracks spread in the walls, increasing his worry factors massively. His implant notified him that this wasn't a dream. Distant screams reached his ears, and he went to the window.
Hordes of Sprilnav were running on the ground, tripping over each other to escape. He heard the thump of footsteps approaching from outside. The android activated, standing up.
"Move away from the doo-"
An explosion tossed him across the room. A Sprilnav carrying some sort of mouth weapon faded into view for a moment, smoke recalibrating the stealth field. And then he was gone. Phoebe smashed into the Sprilnav, her fists pummeling the assassin faster than Ezeonwha could comprehend.
Phoebe's arms turned into swords, and she stabbed the Sprilnav at least fifty times in a single pulse. She turned to grab him, but before she reached him, a second explosion sent him flying out of the now-shattered window.
The massive skyscraper loomed large, and he saw the ground beneath it ripple. Dull thumps sounded from below, and large, circular caverns opened beneath the 102nd Visitor Welcome Office. The whole building started to list forward, and Ezeonwha frantically activated his emergency personal shield as he started falling faster and faster. A bullet hit the shield. And then a second one. Gunshots echoed out in the distance, and he saw other Sprilnav falling from broken windows in the falling skyscraper. Gunfire erupted on the streets as Guides engaged a growing army of attackers bubbling up from basements of shops and businesses.
He saw spurts of blood exit the Sprilnav nearest him, bullets tearing holes through the woman's body. Piercing screams surrounded him, a terrible chorus that reminded him of the worst wars he'd fought in. But here, his training could do nothing. She was already dead, and he knew that he was the target of this whole attack. His eyes watered, and Ezeonwha felt so powerless. So useless.
A Corrector emerged from the side of the tilting skyscraper, eyes fixed on Ezeonwha. Then he looked down. Somehow, Ezeonwha knew when the orders had been sent. He knew that it was Astipra in the distance, a jetpack on his shoulders burning a thick flame beneath him.
Astipra looked back at the building and flew toward it. Ezeonwha felt the wind rushing past the shield as pressure. Astipra, far above, vaporized falling chunks of the skyscraper with blasts from his arm cannons. He pressed back against the skyscraper, the jetpack going into overdrive. The metal bent inward, and the groaning and twisting structure continued its fall. Blasts of light from Astipra again vaporized the set of falling chunks.
"Penny," he said. It was almost a prayer, really. His desperate mind was scrambling for whatever it could get. "Please, save me!"
He didn't know if she could hear him. Logically, it was impossible. And in a battle such as this, unlikely as well. Rippling explosions erupted across the facade of the falling skyscraper as rockets struck it. More explosions bloomed as lasers from distant police vehicles, Guides, and Astipra destroyed more of the fast-flying missiles and rockets. They pounded on the world around him, a horde of madness threatening to break his brain. He could feel the wind and gravity equalize as he reached terminal velocity.
And all he could see was the world descending into war around him. The 102nd Visitor Welcome Office continued to slump and lean against Astipra's best efforts. More bullets hit Ezeonwha's personal shield, and peppered the Guides moving over to save him. Air ambulances were shot from the sky. Even small fighter crafts were shot down by powerful ground lasers. EMPs thumped, disabling all the higher functions of his implant before he could think to use it.
A much larger explosion bloomed out, and Ezeonwha followed the rocket's trail to an Elder on the ground, standing in the wreckage surrounding a sudden tunnel opening. The Elder stared at him in glee, and he lined up another shot. Two Guides fell upon the Elder, who flew up using a jetpack to cut them in half with his sword. A hard light hologram lifted a large gun, pointing at Ezeonwha as he fell.
His eyes widened. Ezeonwha did everything he could. He angled his legs and arms. He pushed at the air. He even hefted the meager psychic energy he had, struggling with all his soul to escape the death he could feel was coming to him.
Guides swarmed beyond the shield appearing, while gang soldiers died by the hundreds to carpet bombing. Personal shields sprang up to block the explosions, and the Elder had survived. A thick red laser cut one of the fighters in half from the smoke. Above him, the collapsing facade of the skyscraper consumed Astipra entirely, though large gouts of plasma and thick explosions emerged from within. He could survive if it fell upon him, but Ezonwha could not.
Penny materialized far below, closer to the field of battle. A sweeping wave of gang members began disappearing. A bullet smashed into her head and her stomach, detonating in bright explosions. A personal shield flared and disappeared. Missiles and lasers slammed into Penny by the thousands as psychic energy gathered. A constant roll of words fell from her tongue, but without his implant, they were not translated.
Missiles crumbled into dust. Lasers impacted raw space in front of Penny before bending down and back to their origins, destroying automated turrets. Bullets still hit Penny and the Guides by the thousands, firing too quickly and densely for her to entirely block. But the large ordnance from the gangs continued to work against them.
Penny looked around, confusion evident on her face. But amidst the thousands of wounded and dead Sprilnav falling from the broken windows, Ezeonwha was hidden too well.
Shattering glass could be constantly heard, and he could feel the distant screams in his soul. A bullet smashed into his personal shield again, disabling it. A pulse later, he lost feeling in his legs.
He tried to reach out to her mind, but the war in the mindscape was equally intense. Too many Elders and Guides battling it out along with various suppression artifacts made it all impossible. He could sense Penny's influence, but couldn't directly reach her.
He let out a breath, knowing it to be the final one.
I'm sorry, Penny, Ezeonwha thought.
I wish you luck in the Judgment, and I am sorry I caused this to happen to you.
Penny finally appeared in front of him, eyes wide-
Blood erupted. A searing pain in his head told him his implant had just shorted out. And in the mindscape, he saw a mental attack heading for him, its brutal power evident. He closed his eyes.
2024.05.29 04:07 apehasreturned Booking the AEW World Title in 2024 - Part Two: The Master
 | Part One Here! submitted by apehasreturned to FantasyBookingElite [link] [comments] We pick up following Blood and Guts, where AEW Champion Swerve Strickland led his team to victory over the Elite. It’s been an insanely brutal and bloody reign for Swerve so far, and with enemies and allies alike climbing the ladder towards a shot at the gold, he’s starting to grow slightly paranoid. With a second trip to Wembley approaching, the talk of the town is who’s going to win the Owen and go for AEW’s top title at Wembley - if Swerve even makes it there, the fans knowing that his wars of attrition are leaving him worse for wear with each passing defence. Road to All In London The lineup for the Owen is being narrowed down coming out of Blood and Guts, with MJF, Jay White, Bryan Danielson, Will Ospreay, Darby Allin, Hangman Page, Konosuke Takeshita and Katsuyori Shibata all in the running. With blockbuster match after blockbuster match being fought to determine the finalists for Calgary, we eventually come down to two: MJF and Will Ospreay, set on a collision course for the ages. Swerve’s troubles don’t end there, though - after leaving the Mogul Embassy, his old allies smell blood in the water, and the EVPs are all too happy to make Strickland’s life more miserable by announcing a title match with Brian Cage for the Dynamite opener in Alberta’s largest city. AEW World Title: Swerve Strickland (c) vs. Brian Cage Cage gets a good showing in here, using his remarkable athleticism to nearly put the champion away early, but once Swerve gets rolling, it’s clear that there are levels to this game. The Machine goes for a Liger Bomb, Swerve reversing into a hurricanrana to leave him prone for a HOUSE CALL, FOLLOWED BY A SWERVE STOMP! ONE! TWO! THREE! Swerve Strickland def. Brian Cage (11:51) to retain the AEW World Title After the bout, Swerve’s handed his title, and he keeps it hugged tight to his chest as he grabs a microphone. He says everyone’s been working their asses off around him to try and take this from him, but the champion promises he’s not afraid. He welcomes the challenge, because there ain’t nobody like Swerve Strickland in SWERVE’S HOUSE. He says he’s looking forward to seeing who comes out on top in the main event, and heads off backstage to watch it with Prince Nana. Owen Hart Foundation Tournament Final: MJF vs. Will Ospreay This gets a lot of time, with no limit on a tournament final. Let them cook. MJF is in worse shape than Ospreay, having been flung straight into a tournament after a series of surgeries left him held together with duct tape, but Ospreay’s in a worse headspace, his typical unending confidence hampered by a few narrow wins en route to the final. However, it’s two spectacular in-ring talents, and they go ham in pursuit of victory, MJF wanting to headline Wembley for the second straight year and Ospreay looking to win the AEW World Title in a stadium in his home country. The back-and-forth gives way to MJF getting control, working the arm extensively to warm Ospreay up for the Salt of the Earth. However, an appearance by Adam Cole gives an unknowing Ospreay the opportunity to turn the tables with a handstand reversal to a Heatseeker, following it with a Hidden Blade for two. Ospreay considers working on the shoulder, MJF crying out in agony with each blow to the surgically repaired joint, and eventually, Will has him in perfect position for the Storm Driver 93. He knows MJF’s neck and shoulder are in such a state that this would be an automatic victory, but he hesitates just long enough for MJF to roll him up… ONE! TWO! THRE-KICKOUT! MJF grabs the arm to go for a Salt of the Earth, Ospreay rolling him back into a pin of his own, followed by another HIDDEN BLADE! STORMBREAKER! ONE! TWO! THREE! OSPREAY’S GOING TO WEMBLEY! Will Ospreay def. MJF (31:02) to win the Owen Hart Foundation Tournament Out comes Swerve, standing toe to toe with his challenger as confetti falls around them. Ospreay leans on his trophy, grabbing a microphone as it becomes rapidly apparent his confidence is back. He says that All In is on the horizon, and last time AEW was at Wembley Stadium, he won as an outsider… yet Swerve lost. Now, Ospreay’s in AEW full time, mowing through all the competition, and now it’s time that the Kingpin get a shot at the crown. Swerve chuckles before his smile turns into a sneer, growling under his breath that Ospreay will have to kill him to take the AEW Title away - and he’s seen that despite being called the Assassin, he can’t do that. The next week on Dynamite, Ospreay and Swerve are scheduled for a face to face promo in the ring, the title match official for All In. It’s electric as they stand opposite one another in the squared circle, trading some quick verbal barbs that they both brush off before getting down to brass tacks, Swerve holding the microphone and beginning to speak. “Will, you’re impressive, man. You can be as athletic as the day is long, but it’s not ‘heavy is the body that wears the crown,’ it’s ‘heavy is the head,’ and there ain’t nobody like me. This is a mental game, and you don’t have what it takes there. You blew yourself up and broke your own neck when you went for the IWGP Title. You were betrayed by the Don Callis Family and somehow didn’t see it coming. You were beaten on your home turf by your sworn enemy because you got in your own head. You had the win of a lifetime against Bryan, and then you felt so bad about it that you neutered your arsenal. You don’t have what it takes… in your head or in your guts. There’s only one head fit for this crown, and it’s mine.” Ospreay scoffs, trying to keep his cool, but he doesn’t wait long before grabbing the microphone out of Swerve’s hand to an “oooh,” from the crowd. “Ain’t nobody like you, bruv? How dare you talk down to me. How dare you condescend me, belittle me, you arrogant bastard? I came here to AEW and started taking heads, just like I did in Japan, and there were people there just like you. People who said ‘ah, he’s not got it in him to be the next big gaijin. He’ll never be the champion,’ and now there’s you, saying I don’t have what it takes because I don’t have the mentality. YOU don’t have the mentality to do what I do. To fly from the UK to here twice a week, to raise a family, to spend a whole career an ocean away from home, to wear the crown on your head that says you’re the greatest wrestler on Earth. Nobody’s done that but ME, and when that championship’s fastened around my waist, mate, it’s going to prove what everyone already knows - that Will Ospreay’s on another level, and Swerve Strickland… he’s punching up.” Now it’s Strickland’s turn to try and keep a lid on his anger, stepping toe to toe with his challenger and holding the title inches from his face. He tells Ospreay to listen close, before saying that the years of hard work Ospreay put in everywhere but home aren’t gonna be enough to help. He’s gonna be in front of his family, he’s gonna be in front of his friends, he’s gonna be in front of his people, and he’s going to let them all down, because he’s an impressive athlete, but he’s not the guy. Finally, Ospreay snaps, throwing a SHORT HEADBUTT, AND NOW BOTH MEN ARE THROWING FISTS! IT’S UTTER BEDLAM! The bell starts ringing to try and encourage them to break it up, but neither man is stepping down now, furiously exchanging blows as security rushes to the ring to divide them. Swerve grabs the championship, hoisting it high as he spits venom at Ospreay, the challenger spewing a string of words that probably won’t make air. They keep trying to break free and take another swing, commentary asking what on Earth they’ll do when they’re finally let loose at Wembley Stadium, pride and the promotion’s top prize on the line. Swerve Strickland (c) vs. Will Ospreay All In London Wembley Stadium is packed to the gills as All In goes on the air, and they’re fit to burst as the first theme they hear is that of the Commonwealth Kingpin. Justin Roberts announces that our opening match is for the AEW World Title, and Ospreay receives plenty of fanfare and fireworks as he makes his way to the ring, looking more motivated than ever. He’s clearly jonesing in the ring, eagerly awaiting Swerve’s arrival as his compatriots cheer him on… and then Chaka Khan hits. Strickland may be in enemy territory, but the crowd can't help but sing. Oozing charisma as he enters the squared circle, the AEW Champion seems more than ready to put the Assassin down, the electric crowd letting both men soak in the moment as the bell rings. HERE WE GO! SWERVE VS. OSPREAY, LIVE FROM WEMBLEY, AEW TITLE ON THE LINE! AEW World Title: Swerve Strickland (c) vs. Will Ospreay From the bell, Strickland and Ospreay are exchanging words as they gravitate towards one another, Ospreay calling for a lockup. They settle into a collar and elbow, Ospreay using his size to his advantage to try and muscle Swerve into the ropes, but Strickland reversing the momentum to cinch in a side headlock. Will still drives Swerve into the ropes, eventually breaking free and whipping Strickland across the ring, the champion building up speed as he ducks a clothesline attempt from the challenger and nails a Tijeras to send Ospreay flying. Ospreay’s quickly back up to his feet, Swerve attempting a slip behind for a German Suplex, but Will countering with a headlock takeover, kipping up and throwing a superkick that’s narrowly avoided by Swerve, who drops flat to his back, picking Ospreay’s leg and floating into a handstand to bring Ospreay down with a headscissors. Will kips up once more to break free, Swerve scrambling to stand up before OSPREAY THROWS A HIDDEN BLADE, SWERVE DIVING OUT OF THE WAY AT THE LAST MOMENT BEFORE CATASTROPHE! Strickland quickly pivots as Will looks to get to his feet, attempting a HOUSE CALL, BUT NOW IT’S OSPREAY’S TURN TO DODGE AS BOTH MEN END UP STANDING! Gritting his teeth, Swerve goes for another lockup with Ospreay, this time quickly kicking him in the gut for a snapmare, cinching in a chinlock to talk some smack. The Aerial Assassin lands a few elbows to the body as he strives to get back to his feet, finally breaking free before being grounded again by a Tijeras from Swerve. Strickland grabs hold of his challenger again, Ospreay furiously backpedaling into the corner to avoid a lifting inverted DDT, only for Swerve to send him through the ropes for a HANGING NECKBREAKER! Ospreay rolls out to the apron instinctively, Swerve kicking out one of his legs and stepping through the middle rope to SLINGSHOT INTO A DDT ON THE APRON, BUT OSPREAY HANDSPRINGS STRAIGHT TO HIS FEET ON THE FLOOR! Strickland gets cocky, thinking he landed the shot, and turns around to see Ospreay charging at his legs. Swerve leaps up, still on the apron as Will overshoots, the champion pivoting for an APRON PUMP KICK, OSPREAY DUCKING IT AND LEAPING BACK ONTO THE APRON! SWERVE TURNS AROUND ONCE AGAIN… AND OSPREAY FLIES IN WITH AN APRON OSCUTTER! Tumbling to the floor, Swerve tries to get to his senses and figure out how he came out on the rough end of the sequence on the apron, but Ospreay gives him no time to think with a ROBINSON SPECIAL OFF THE APRON, STRAIGHT THROUGH THE BACK OF HIS HEAD! He props Swerve against the barricade, chopping him across the chest before scrambling to the top rope for a SKY TWISTER PRESS TO THE OUTSIDE - ONLY FOR SWERVE TO AVOID IT, NAILING OSPREAY WITH A GERMAN SUPLEX ONTO THE FLOOR! With Ospreay stunned, Strickland slides back in to break the count, measuring his man before effortlessly delivering a FOSBURY FLOP OUT TO RINGSIDE, WIPING OUT THE CHALLENGER! Turning the tables on Ospreay, now it’s Swerve’s turn to lay in some chops against the barricade, only for Will to dump him over the barrier and into the crowd. He follows it up with a hook kick over the guardrail to stagger the champion, running the length of ringside and LAUNCHING HIMSELF STRAIGHT INTO A PUMP KICK FROM THE CHAMPION! Swerve hops up onto the barricade, grabbing hold of Ospreay in a front facelock before MUSCLING HIM UP AND OVER WITH A BRAINBUSTER, OFF OF THE BARRICADE AND RIGHT DOWN ONTO THE FLOOR AT RINGSIDE! He rushes to roll Will back between the ropes, hooking both legs… ONE! TWO! TH-NOOO! Swerve jumps to the middle rope to deliver a diving European Uppercut to the back of the head before Ospreay can quite get to his feet, following it up with a DISCUS LARIAT! The assault on the head is relentless, Swerve looking for a DDT before being driven into the ropes, Will trying to earn a momentary reprieve. Instead, Strickland pummels him with Muay Thai knees to the body, heaving him up for a LIGER BOMB! ONE! TWO! THRE-KICKOUT ONCE MORE! Swerve lets out a frustrated roar, deadlift Ospreay up to attempt another powerbomb, but Ospreay manages to drop to the apron for a gamengiri, followed by a PIP PIP CHEERIO! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Desperate to keep momentum on his side, Ospreay quickly delivers a rolling elbow, following it up with a SNAP DRAGON SUPLEX, BUT SWERVE RIGHT BACK UP TO HIS FEET, NAILING A GERMAN! He swivels around, only to see Ospreay landed on his feet, BOTH MEN THROWING HIGH KICKS BEFORE COLLAPSING TO THE CANVAS! Wembley rallies behind Ospreay as both men struggle to get to their feet, barely stirring before the challenger begins pounding the mat, leaning back onto his hands for a kip-up before Swerve simply spins to punt him in the face and bring him back to the mat. Strickland rises to his feet, looking for the House Call, but OSPREAY HAS NONE OF IT, CATCHING THE LEG FOR A STYLES CLASH! ONE! TWO! THR-NOO! Following through, Ospreay attempts a Hidden Blade, Swerve ducking it before rushing towards his opponent and INTO A SPANISH FLY FOR A NEARFALL! Ospreay grabs the back of Swerve’s head, paying him back for the focused assault with a flurry of Kawada Kicks to the face, followed by an attempt at a delayed vertical suplex, Strickland floating over and landing on his feet. The champion runs the ropes, Ospreay stopping him in his tracks with a dropsault and an enziguri, continuously building momentum with a STUNDOG MILLIONAIRE TO FINALLY DROP SWERVE TO HIS BACK! Unleashing a war cry, Ospreay has a gleam in his eyes as he looks towards the top turnbuckle, dragging himself through the ropes to the apron before clambering up to the high rent district, turning his back to Swerve for another SKY TWISTER PRESS, SWERVE ONCE AGAIN ROLLING IN TOWARDS THE TURNBUCKLES… BUT OSPREAY ROLLS STRAIGHT THROUGH TO HIS FEET! Strickland flashes his grill to the camera in the corner with a smile, Ospreay looming behind him before BLASTING STRAIGHT THROUGH HIM WITH A HIDDEN BLADE! ONE! TWO! THRE-SWERVE POWERS OUT! It’s been just over fifteen minutes of insanity as Ospreay smells blood in the water, knowing if he connects with a Stormbreaker, he can wrap this up. However, that certainty would only be cemented if he were to nail a Storm Driver 93, but he refuses to go to such lengths, hooking the arms… BUT SWERVE COUNTERS WITH A BACK BODY DROP, ONLY FOR OSPREAY TO LAND ON HIS FEET! HE BREAKS INTO A SPRINT, REBOUNDING OFF THE ROPES FOR A SPRINGBOARD OSCUTTER - STRAIGHT INTO A HOUSE CALL! SWERVE INTERCEPTED HIM! ONE! TWO! THRE-NOOOO! Strickland can’t believe it, but he’s got Ospreay dead to rights, spinning him around into position for a Tombstone. Strickland looks to the hard cam, a smug sneer on his face as OSPREAY REVERSES WITH A SEGA MEGA DRIVER, SPIKING HIM DOWN ON HIS HEAD! ONE! TWO! THRE-NOOOO! Ospreay is in disbelief, even a tribute to Mad Kurt not being enough to put Swerve down, but he’s staying on the ball as he hooks Swerve’s arms to go for a STORMBREAKER, ONLY FOR SWERVE TO FLOAT OVER FOR A LIFTING INVERTED DDT! Will’s rally wasn’t enough to get him out of trouble, and STRICKLAND FOLLOWS IT UP WITH A SECOND HOUSE CALL! SWERVE IMMEDIATELY ON THE ATTACK ONCE MORE, POSITIONING OSPREAY FOR A JML DRIVER… BUT WILL CLEARS HIS HEAD, COUNTERING WITH A POISON RANA! SWERVE UP TO HIS KNEES, BUT OSPREAY FOLLOWS IT WITH A SPRINGBOARD OSCUTTER! HIDDEN BLADE TO THE BASE OF THE SKULL, AND NOW… STORMBREAKER! ONE! TWO! THREE! WILL OSPREAY IS THE AEW WORLD CHAMPION! Will Ospreay def. Swerve Strickland (20:10) to win the AEW World Title Later in the night, Kazuchika Okada defeats Kenny Omega to win their fifth encounter, establishing himself firmly as the Number One Contender to the AEW World Title, giving the new champion only two weeks to prepare to face off with one of his greatest foes - a foe he’s only managed to beat cleanly once, while falling to the Rainmaker eight times. Road to All Out Ospreay gets to celebrate on Dynamite, cutting a promo saying he’s geared up to finally put this to bed. He says he’s glad he’s starting his title reign like this, because he’s certain he can beat Okada, and he’ll not have to worry about the spectre looming over him anymore. Every time there was a title on the line, every time the stakes were high, he failed against the Rainmaker - but the stakes were high at Wembley, and he won. He proved Swerve Strickland wrong, and now it’s time to prove Kazuchika Okada wrong. Out steps the Rainmaker, taking the EVP Elevator up onto the stage to say that Ospreay has already proven him wrong; he thought, years ago, that Ospreay was a talent worthy of being in Okada’s stable of CHAOS, and Ospreay proved him wrong when he betrayed his leader, only for Okada to beat the brakes off him at the Tokyo Dome. Okada says that Ospreay should be all too familiar with Okada being the top champion, the Ace, and he plans to finally bring that vision to AEW by restoring the world to its natural order and beating the Aerial Assassin for a ninth time. The Rainmaker’s ego is peaking, having avenged his loss to Kenny Omega just a few days prior, and he says that Omega’s a taller mountain to climb than Ospreay. However, he says he’s sure there’ll be room in the Elite’s ranks for Ospreay, should he come to his senses and want to fall back in line behind the Rainmaker. Ospreay declares that at All Out, he’ll prove to Okada and the world that he’s eclipsed the onetime Ace, while Okada insists that Omega was just the beginning - in just a few days, it’ll be time for the Rainmaker Era to start back up. All Out With All In having just occurred recently, All Out is a package deal with the Wembley show, ensuring a huge audience for what’s certain to be an all-timer main event between the Rainmaker and the Assassin. Both men want to walk out with the gold more than anything in the world, making an already personal rivalry all the more exciting as the coin drops for the last match of the night. Okada appears in a new robe, debuted two weeks prior at Wembley, and as he rises from the Elite Elevator, he’s looking more daunting than ever. There’s only one feud the man had ever lost, and he’d just avenged it against Kenny Omega - this is the most dangerous he’s ever been, and as Will Ospreay makes his way to the ring, Okada doesn’t even turn to face him. The champion is furious, but the challenger sees him as a formality standing between him and another epic World Title reign, refusing to even acknowledge him as they’re both introduced by Justin Roberts. They head to their respective corners, and THE BELL RINGS! IT’S OKADA AND OSPREAY, WORLD TITLE ON THE LINE! AEW World Title: Will Ospreay (c) vs. Kazuchika Okada Both men are hesitant to open themselves up to a big counter in the early goings, especially given how well they know each other, so they try and psych each other out a different way - by waiting. The crowd greets them with a deafening reception as they slowly circle the centre of the ring, eventually meeting with a lockup that sees Okada immediately put his height to good use, bearing down on Ospreay with an attempt at a test of strength. He pushes Ospreay down to the mat, even getting his shoulders down for a moment, but the champion bridges up off the canvas. Okada jumps up and drives his legs down into Ospreay’s body, but Ospreay maintains the bridge with both men’s weight, Okada getting back up and shooting for a lateral press that gets a one count. Transitioning into a side headlock, Okada talks some smack, the Young Bucks supporting him at ringside while taunting the champion. However, Ospreay’s put on plenty of muscle mass over the years, making it all the easier for him to slowly make his way to his feet, twisting free and securing a side headlock of his own on the Rainmaker. Okada sends him into the ropes, Ospreay clinging to the top as Okada instinctively goes for a flapjack. Momentarily confused, Okada gives Will the opening to run in for a dropsault, attempting to follow it with an enziguri that’s ducked, Ospreay springing up… and into a flapjack, the inevitability of the Rainmaker’s plans coming to fruition putting the champion in a bad spot early. Continuing with his somewhat lackadaisical pace, Okada keeps treating Ospreay like he’s not that big of a deal, shoving him into the corner for a double pat on the chest, followed by a stiff forearm across the jaw as the referee steps in. Ospreay lunges at him, Okada grabbing the arm for an Irish Whip into the opposite corner, rushing the champion with a big boot, but Ospreay SLINGSHOTS RIGHT OVER HIM, LANDING ON HIS FEET BEHIND THE RAINMAKER FOR A KICK TO THE HAMSTRING! Ospreay hones in with a swift roundhouse to Okada’s other leg, trying to take out his base, but Okada shrugs it off by catching the leg on a third kick attempt before driving his shoulder straight into the bridge of Ospreay’s nose, following it with a DDT that makes it look like Ospreay just died. The champion goes full scorpion, folding over himself like PAC as Okada grabs hold of the wrist to attempt an early Rainmaker. He gets Ospreay up to his feet, a smirk on his face as he winds him up, but Ospreay cuts through his grip with a sharp elbow before rolling Okada up with a victory roll reversal, straight into a DOUBLE STOMP TO THE GUT! Okada rolls right out of the ring and into the waiting arms of the Elite, Ospreay lining up to try and take him out with a dive before being halted by the Bucks, who leap into the way with their hands up. Ospreay shouts at them to move before going for it anyway, launching himself with a PESCADO, STRAIGHT INTO A BOOT TO THE STOMACH BY THE RAINMAKER! THE BUCKS GAVE HIM TIME TO RECOVER! Taking advantage immediately, Okada sends Ospreay crashing into the barricade, Ospreay crying out before Okada sends him into the aisle on the crowd side of the barrier. He measures his man as he heads to the opposite end of ringside, the Bucks gassing him up as he takes a running start for a CROSSBODY OVER THE GUARDRAIL, LANDING ON HIS FEET AFTER TAKING OUT THE AERIAL ASSASSIN! Okada dusts himself off, his signature look of superiority clearer than ever as he drags Ospreay back to ringside, laying in a few boots to the body before spitefully laying in another DDT, this time on the floor. He breaks the count before continuing to pummel Ospreay at ringside, the Bucks taunting the champion with each consecutive shot he takes. Okada works over the champion’s neck, digging a knee into the back of it as he postures with his stablemates before securing a waistlock for a GERMAN SUPLEX ON THE FLOOR, BUT OSPREAY FLIPS OUT OF IT! He flings himself at Okada with a Hidden Blade attempt from behind, the seemingly omniscient Okada ducking at just the right moment before throwing a boot - but Ospreay’s just too quick, slipping under it and LAYING IN A HOOK KICK, FOLLOWED BY A BACK SUPLEX ON THE OUTSIDE TO THE RAINMAKER! Ospreay backs the Bucks away, threatening to put their faces through the back of their heads before sliding back into the ring and EFFORTLESSLY SOARING THROUGH THE AIR WITH A SKY TWISTER PRESS TO THE FLOOR! He sends Okada back between the ropes, following him with a PIP PIP CHEERIO, BUT OKADA CUTS HIM OFF AGAIN BY KICKING OUT THE ROPES! Ospreay is left hung up on the top, Okada turning him over for a DRAPING NECKBREAKER OFF THE TOP! ONE! TWO! THR-KICKOUT! It’s been virtually all Okada thus far, and he continues to methodically wear Ospreay down with a targeted offensive on the neck of the AEW World Champion. Whenever Ospreay tries to get some momentum going, Okada’s able to reverse it, the style Ospreay honed in New Japan having paid dividends against plenty of other AEW talents, but not the man who defined the style for over a decade. Soon enough, Okada looks for the Rainmaker again, and Ospreay finds his opening by reversing it into a SPANISH FLY! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Ospreay looks like a bullet fired from a gun the second Okada’s constant pressure is taken off his shoulders, the champion bolting out to the apron to connect with a PIP PIP CHEERIO, NAILING IT BEFORE OKADA HAS TIME TO REALIZE WHAT HIT HIM! Okada tries to evacuate out the other side of the ring, but Ospreay’s having none of it, grabbing him by the trunks and pulling him back in for a SNAP DRAGON SUPLEX! ONE! TWO! TH-NOOO! Okada sits back up just in time for Ospreay to strike him with a standing round kick to the ear, filling the Rainmaker’s head with cobwebs before flattening him to the canvas with a superkick, finishing the sequence with a RUNNING SHOOTING STAR PRESS! ONE! TWO! THR-ANOTHER KICKOUT, BUT OSPREAY’S FINALLY GOTTEN CONTROL AWAY FROM THE CHALLENGER! With the Chicago crowd rallying behind him, Ospreay struggles to get to his feet, the twenty straight minutes of punishment taking a heavy toll on the champion. However, he’s certainly up before the stunned Okada, with the challenger still attempting to get his wits about him when Ospreay charges with a ROBINSON SPECIAL, STRAIGHT TO THE BASE OF THE SKULL! Okada gets to his feet on instinct alone, the Assassin positioning himself behind his prey and circling him before running the ropes for an OSCUTTER! ONE! TWO! THR-NOOO! Ospreay unleashes some Kawada Kicks on the challenger, letting out his aggression before lighting him up with a flurry of chops, Okada attempting to stand on business and throw some of his own, only for Ospreay to obliterate him with a superkick. Okada is left leaning on the ropes, Ospreay beckoning him towards the centre of the ring before attempting a SHOTGUN DROPKICK, SENDING HIM STRAIGHT THROUGH TO THE APRON! With Okada prone, Ospreay looks for the OSCUTTER ON THE APRON, BUT OKADA CATCHES HIM IN A STRAITJACKET! He attempts a Straitjacket German Suplex on the apron, Ospreay avoiding catastrophe with a back headbutt to the bridge of the nose, followed by a stiff back elbow to send Okada tumbling to the floor. Ospreay vaults over the ropes to break the count, finding himself in the perfect spot for an old favourite as Okada gets to his feet at the base of the ramp. Measuring his man, Ospreay leaps into motion with a SASUKE SPECIAL, BUT OKADA CATCHES HIM! WHAT STRENGTH FROM THE RAINMAKER, AND NOW… OH MY GOD, A TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER ON THE FLOOR! Okada’s confidence is peaking, the Tombstone on the floor having been a hallmark of so many of his defining victories and none of his defeats. Knowing this, he rolls Ospreay straight back into the ring, the work on the neck having paid dividends as he immediately secures wrist control, hoisting Ospreay up into position for a RAIIIINMAKERRRRRR! HE GOT ALL OF IT! ONE! TWO! THRE-OSPREAY SOMEHOW LIFTS THE SHOULDER UP! Frustrated, Okada hurls Ospreay’s lifeless corpse into the corner and simply starts stomping a mudhole in his face, grinding his boot into the champion’s features before the referee pulls him away. Okada bickers with the ref as the Bucks sneak up on each side of Ospreay, Will instinctively grabbing a hold of Matthew, who scrambles backwards. However, Will stays latched onto him, forming a fist around Matthew’s tie and being pulled through the ropes… ONLY FOR NICHOLAS TO SUPERKICK OSPREAY STRAIGHT INTO THE RING POST, SPARING HIS OLDER BROTHER! Blood begins to spill from the side of Ospreay’s head, dripping onto the ring post and ring skirt as it becomes clear he hit his head damn hard against the steel. Okada pushes past the referee and continues to beat Ospreay down, relishing each moment of offence as he sends the champion packing to the outside with a petulant boot to the side of the head. He rolls out to the floor, the Bucks handing him a bottle of water to cool himself off with after such a brutal match, and now Okada gets to admire the Elite’s handiwork as crimson teardrops start dotting ringside, a bloody mask obscuring Ospreay’s face. Okada keeps beating ass, commentary noting that this is now the longest we’ve seen these two duke it out for, nearly 40 minutes having elapsed. Excalibur notes Ospreay seems harder than ever to put down, but Okada’s showing the same sort of dominance he has in the past, with Schiavone sounding worried that it might just be a matter of time. Looking to finally put an end to things, Okada starts raining closed fists on Ospreay’s head wound, hurling him into the timekeeper’s table. Eventually, he lays Ospreay out on it, clambering up with him before flipping off the camera and calling for another Tombstone. He flips Ospreay around… but Ospreay drops to the floor behind him, sweeping out Okada’s legs before nailing a CHEEKY NANDO’S AGAINST THE GUARDRAIL, LEAVING OKADA SPLAYED OUT ON THE TABLE! Ospreay scrambles towards the ring post, blood pouring down onto his chest as he makes the long climb up the turnbuckles for a FROG SPLASH THROUGH THE TABLE, AND THROUGH OKADA! The count was broken by him hitting the top rope, sparing both men the risk of being counted out as they lie their motionless. Chicago wills them to their feet, Ospreay sending Okada back into the ring before using the surge of energy and momentum to get the challenger up for a STORMBREAKER! HE GOT HIM! OSPREAY’S GONNA DO IT! Ospreay leaps atop Okada, grabbing the leg and leaning back into a deep cover, putting all his weight across the challenger’s shoulders… ONE! TWO! THRE-OKADA’S FOOT IS HOVERING OVER THE BOTTOM ROPE, OSPREAY TOO ENTHUSIASTIC WITH HIS PIN! The Bucks look like they’re about to have panic attacks as an exasperated, mentally battered Ospreay fights back tears, a fraction of an inch away from redemption. However, he knows he’s got control, so all he has to do is take this one home. Both men are in deep waters now, and with both being renowned for their gas tanks, it’s clearly come down to a war of attrition, both men knowing that it’ll all come down to landing the one big move that’ll keep one of them down. They’ve both sustained plenty of damage, but as Ospreay staggers over to the downed Okada, he gets this look in his eyes - the look of a man who has the chance to do the funniest thing ever against a man he resents oh so much. Ospreay grabs Okada’s wrist, the crowd letting out an “oooh” as it becomes clear he’s going for his own parody of the Rainmaker, traditionally a ripcord Spanish Fly. Okada is on dream street as Ospreay positions him, pulling the wrist to whip Okada around… but the Rainmaker is still wise to Ospreay’s moveset, keeping an arm near his side to stop Ospreay from latching on for a Spanish Fly. However, he wasn’t wise enough, Ospreay digging into Kenny Omega’s toolkit with a RAIN TRIGGER, BLINDSIDING OKADA WITH A HUGE HIT HE DIDN’T SEE COMING! Okada falls into the ropes, trying to keep himself upright by keeping a firm grip on the top rope, only to be uprooted by a POISON RANA, OSPREAY SPIKING THE CHALLENGER RIGHT ON HIS HEAD! He stumbles to the corner, Okada looking to find his footing as he gets to his knees… AND EATS A HIDDEN BLADE STRAIGHT TO THE FACE, OSPREAY MOWING STRAIGHT THROUGH HIS CHALLENGER! ONE! TWO! THRE-OKADA GETS THE SHOULDER UP, AND THE GRUELLING BOUT CONTINUES! Justin Roberts is starting to sound pretty nervous as he makes the 50 minute time call, informing both competitors that there’s only ten minutes left in their longest bout against one another to date. Ospreay crawls towards the ropes, driven by pure determination as he peels off his elbow pad, winding up for the Hidden Blade of a lifetime as Okada slowly starts to stir. Both men have taken each other’s biggest shots, but Okada’s in the champion’s sights now, Ospreay waiting until he’s in the perfect position before CHARGING AT FULL TILT INTO A DROPKICK FROM OKADA! Somehow, Okada’s still got pristine form this late into the match, but there’s no time to linger on his magnificence as he rises to his feet, dazed and confused, in desperate need of a dagger against Ospreay. He leans over to hook Ospreay’s wrist, calling for a second Rainmaker, and now he ripcords him in, ONLY FOR OSPREAY TO BLAST HIM WITH A HIDDEN BLADE TO THE FACE ONCE AGAIN ON THE REBOUND! Okada somehow keeps hold of Ospreay’s wrist, tumbling into the ropes and dragging the champion with him, gritting his teeth and letting out a primal roar before CLOBBERING OSPREAY WITH A SHORT ARM LARIAT, BRINGING THEM BOTH DOWN TO THE MAT! Ospreay gets the slightly better landing tactically, turned completely inside out and managing to drape an arm over… ONE! TWO! THRE-NOO! Okada’s kickout flips Ospreay onto his back, the Rainmaker now making an exhausted pinfall attempt… ONE! TWO! THRE-KICKOUT! WHAT’S IT GOING TO TAKE FOR ONE OF THESE MEN TO STAY DOWN? Puddles of Ospreay’s blood stain the canvas as both men lie there, the unimaginable exhaustion washing over both of them as they fight to be the first man to a vertical base. Commentary discusses the importance of securing the upper hand at this moment, and somehow, it’s Ospreay who’s up first, although only by a matter of seconds. Okada decks him with a forearm, the Rainmaker doubled over trying to catch his breath, but Ospreay clocks him with one of his own, followed by a ROLLING ELBOW TO DROP OKADA TO A KNEE! Ospreay ponders a moment, considering going for a Storm Driver 93, and as Justin Roberts says there’s five minutes remaining, he goes for it. He hooks Okada’s arms in a butterfly, muscling him up off his feet… but Okada drops down to his knees, Ospreay too exhausted to lift 250 pounds into position if that 250 pounds is still fighting back. The champion knees Okada in the face before going for it again, but this time, Okada shifts his weight back and SWINGS OSPREAY OVER HIS OWN SHOULDER FOR AN AIR RAID CRASH NECKBREAKER! Ospreay goes down like a sack of potatoes, clutching the back of his neck in pure agony, unable to function properly as Okada scrapes him off the canvas and positions him for an EMPHATIC COBRA FLOWSION, DRIVING OSPREAY’S NECK INTO THE MAT ONCE AGAIN WITH A RESOUNDING THUD! The challenger rises to his feet behind his foe… AND SPREADS HIS ARMS, THE CAMERA ZOOMING OUT TO ENCOMPASS THE CHICAGO CROWD! OKADA HITS THE RAINMAKER POSE, AND HE’S READY TO STUNT ON OSPREAY ONCE MORE! Ospreay’s in the perfect position for the Rainmaker, only a few minutes left on the clock, but both men’s movements have become lethargic and feeble after all they’ve been through. Matthew and Nicholas pound the mat to encourage Okada as he painstakingly leans over to latch on to Ospreay’s wrist, the champion fighting as best he can with a few back elbows, all of which miss the mark. Okada drives a forearm into the back of Ospreay’s neck, dropping him to his knees again before finally heaving him up for the Rainmaker, winding up… AND WHIZZING RIGHT BY OSPREAY, WHO COLLAPSES FROM EXHAUSTION! Okada falls in a heap behind him, but he’s still in better shape than Ospreay with moments remaining. With the last of his adrenaline, Okada scrambles up and picks Ospreay up once more, positioning him for a Rainmaker… BUT OSPREAY DUCKS, THIS TIME BREAKING INTO A SPRINT TO GET OUT OF THE WRISTLOCK! HE BOUNCES OFF THE ROPES, OKADA TOO TIRED TO SPIN AROUND IN TIME, AND NOW OSPREAY NAILS AN UNPROTECTED HIDDEN BLADE TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD! He’s got to roll him over, the seconds counting down as Ospreay simply digs his shoulder into the Rainmaker’s arm to slowly turn him onto his back, struggling to hook the leg… ONE! TWO! THRE-KICKOUT! OKADA GOT THE SHOULDER UP! Ospreay can’t believe it, fighting to get his feet under him, frantically attempting to hook Okada’s arms to get him into position for a Storm… ding ding ding. Will Ospreay and Kazuchika Okada fought to a draw (60:00), for Ospreay to retain the AEW World Title Road to WrestleDream With Ospreay having been unable to put away the Rainmaker within an hour, it’s pretty clear that a rematch has to be on the horizon, but the question is where. Both Grand Slam and WrestleDream are coming up, and on Dynamite, Okada lays down the gauntlet for the PPV, saying that he intends to win the AEW Title at a show paying tribute to one of his idols in Antonio Inoki. However, Ospreay’s not off the hook until October just yet - Grand Slam still stands in the way, and a battle between two of his fantastic previous opponents is set to determine his challenger for the event. Those opponents? Swerve Strickland and MJF. In the end, MJF manages to pull out the win, securing a title challenge right next door to his home at Grand Slam. Ospreay walks in insecure, just as he did in the Owen Finals, but this time with good reason - his first title defence was hardly a successful one, and he might not even have the chance to make up for it if he doesn’t manage to put away the longest-reigning AEW World Champion ever, in their home state. The pressure’s on for the Assassin, and with challengers hounding him, all he can do is try and build momentum with wins week over week. He doesn’t bother trying to match MJF on the stick, the next challenger eviscerating the champion with promo after promo until the go-home show, where a fed up Ospreay simply snipes him with a Hidden Blade to cut him off. Grabbing the microphone, Will promises to prove the title belongs around his waist, telling MJF that he wants the same Max who dominated the AEW main event scene for over a year. (Cont'd in Comments) |
2024.05.29 03:51 Jlcarr77 Are advantage + shopping campaigns acting as solely retargeting campaigns for everyone as well?
Hello everybody, I wanted to ask everyone their opinion on advantage plus shopping campaigns acting as retargeting campaigns solely. Every time I start a new advantage, shopping campaign we have great results. And then, as the week goes on the results start to plummet, but what I’m starting to realize is that the shopping campaign continues to target the same person over and over. Facebook says it has a frequency of 1.2 which is absolute bullshit. we ran a test and we had all of our personal Instagram, including my best friends go to the Instagram account interact with it and then back off. then the campaign retargeted them with the ad. But not just once over and over within 10 times each per person that day including the companies, Instagram itself. So we had the Facebook ad showing itself to the actual company running the ad. Then we did another test.
Test 2 - create multiple advantage, shopping campaigns with different creative. Launch them what do you know? Both of the ads from the advantage, shopping campaign targeted everyone of our Instagram again over and over and over. Allowing for no cold traffic. We did a test where we doubled the budget on each account. What do you know targeted the same people over and over with no new sales over the general amount so per se 1000 a day, the budget still get 1000 a day.
So I want to know everyone’s opinion on this . The interesting thing is is that we straight away for a month and ran solo CBO campaigns from the advantage campaign. Then we re-launched them. What do you know? They performed amazing 3x roas each until they both died out.
So what I want to know our advantage shopping campaign is mainly for accounts that are interacting with massive amounts of cold traffic every day and then they’re just acting as a retargeting campaign towards new cold traffic?
At starting at three times returning investments, we have now entered, one time return on add, spent allowing them to not be profitable anymore. But as I mentioned before, we targeted the same person over and over and over, even with different creatives, even a different campaigns. The 1.2 frequency that is reporting.
Let me know your guises opinions I’m here to help and also gather information .
submitted by Jlcarr77 to FacebookAds [link] [comments]
Test 2 - create multiple advantage, shopping campaigns with different creative. Launch them what do you know? Both of the ads from the advantage, shopping campaign targeted everyone of our Instagram again over and over and over. Allowing for no cold traffic. We did a test where we doubled the budget on each account. What do you know targeted the same people over and over with no new sales over the general amount so per se 1000 a day, the budget still get 1000 a day.
So I want to know everyone’s opinion on this . The interesting thing is is that we straight away for a month and ran solo CBO campaigns from the advantage campaign. Then we re-launched them. What do you know? They performed amazing 3x roas each until they both died out.
So what I want to know our advantage shopping campaign is mainly for accounts that are interacting with massive amounts of cold traffic every day and then they’re just acting as a retargeting campaign towards new cold traffic?
At starting at three times returning investments, we have now entered, one time return on add, spent allowing them to not be profitable anymore. But as I mentioned before, we targeted the same person over and over and over, even with different creatives, even a different campaigns. The 1.2 frequency that is reporting.
Let me know your guises opinions I’m here to help and also gather information .
2024.05.29 03:48 nainsra Recent Releases and Upcoming June Releases
Below is a list of some recent releases that are highly rated and some that will be released in June for your perusal. If you know of any other upcoming releases please post them in the comments!
For one thing, the devil is still prowling around, with dubious intentions as to Kat’s powers. For another, an underground network of wrongdoers has been spreading a mysterious and addictive drug throughout both Troivack and Daxaria. And perhaps most concerning, a villainess is hiding in plain sight somewhere close to Kat and her best friend, Queen Alina, hoping to use them to strike at the devil. Now it’s up to Kat—with the help of her kitten familiar, Pina, as well as her friends and family—to untangle the twisted web of courtly and magical intrigue before her hurried honeymoon is cut short by deadly disaster . . .
Mai: Four years ago, Ryan Shaw broke my heart, tore it into little pieces and then stomped on it. Ryan is my fated mate, but when I saw him with another woman at the regional meet of all the Packs, I’d had enough. I finally told him what he meant to me, and being the jerk that he is, he rejected me in front of everyone.
Heartbroken, I ran, trying to get as far away from him and the memory of that night as possible. Except I’m on a roll with picking jerks. So now I’m on the run again and heading back to the one place I know I’ll be safe. My brilliant plan is to lie low, heal, and then take off someplace new to start again. But Ryan knows I’m here now, and he has very different ideas.
Ryan: Mai is back, and my wolf is going crazy. I’ll do anything to protect her. It won’t be easy with secret plots to take over our Pack, her abusive ex sniffing around, and Mai’s urge to run every time she sees me. But there’s no way I’m letting her go, not again.
His father has asked him to try to join one of the Crews of Damon’s Mountains. When the new Fastlander Crew starts accepting applicants, Ace puts his name in the hat on a whim. Will the new Alpha ever allow him to be a part of his Crew? Not if he finds out who he really is. Ace has been hiding a secret about his lineage since he was a child, and now the Fastlanders are getting way too close for comfort. And to add to the pressure, there’s a human coordinating the Crew’s interview process that has his animal’s attention. At first he thinks his animal is hunting her, but the more he gets to know her, the more he realizes she is important. Corey Gable just might be the glue of the Fastlanders, and she doesn’t even realize her part in the destiny of this Crew. The problem? It’s twofold. One, he cannot under any circumstances bond to a human, and two? His life is in a free fall, and he cannot drag her into what is about to happen. If she wants to live, she’s got to stay human, and stay away from the Fastlanders. And most importantly? She has to stay away from Ace.
Corey Gable has lost someone she loves.
Corey’s cousin, Hallie, has been consumed by her new life with the shifters of Damon’s Mountains, and she’s left Corey behind. The only way to maintain her relationship with her cousin is to get involved in her new life—the ups, the downs, all of it. When Corey is roped into helping with the interview process of creating the new Fastlanders Crew, there are definitely some interesting characters who want the invite. One of them is tall, dark, and mysterious, and there’s something about him that keeps drawing her in—but he has big warnings for her. She’s messing with a destiny that could be the end of her life as she knows it. She wants to heed his advice, truly she does, but there’s just something about the mysterious stranger. And the more she finds out about who he is, the more she thinks she couldn’t leave him alone if she tried.
Henry’s used to everyone being afraid of him – being a hellhound has that effect on people. What he’s not used to is having every animal within a four-mile radius suddenly wanting to be his best friend. Pigeons roosting on your shoulder: annoying, but mostly harmless. The local moose population stampeding toward you in the hopes of a hug: somewhat more worrying.
There’s nothing for it but to escape to the mountains, where he can use his hellhound form to intimidate the local wildlife into leaving him alone. But a stop for one last piece of cake before heading into the wilderness leads him straight to his fated mate. He's over the moon... but how can he court her when every animal in town is trying to leap into his arms?
Travel journalist Luna was looking forward to this assignment: covering the first annual Girdwood Springs Food Festival, along with her trademark: Fillmore, the world's ugliest dog. Specifically, she was looking forward to sampling all the amazing, mouth-watering local delicacies.
But there's other delights to sample in Girdwood Springs – such as the mind-bogglingly gorgeous, hunky man who is now covered in cake, thanks to Fillmore. And who seems to be strangely popular with the local animal population.
Suddenly, writing her article is the last thing on her mind…
A chance job offer in Scotland gives Willow Barlowe an excuse to escape the predictable life her overly controlling brother, Miles, wants for her. Excited to start fresh as a fashion intern for the local kiltmaker, Willow lands in small town Loren Brae brimming with sunshine and hope.
Until she discovers that her new boss is none other than Ramsay McMillan, her brother’s best friend, and the grumpiest man this side of the Atlantic. Never mind the ghost Highland coo that haunts the castle, nor the supposedly bewitched waters of Loch Mirren, Willow refuses to work under Ramsay’s watchful eyes, certain he’s reporting back to her brother.
Ramsay Kilts is home to one of the last remaining traditional kiltmakers in Scotland, Ramsay McMillan. Loyalty, continuity, and tradition are important to Ramsay–as is his privacy. After a family betrayal, Ramsay keeps his walls up, running a veritable kilt empire with as minimum fuss as he can. Enter Willow Barlowe–his new intern, good friend’s little sister, and a veritable thorn in his side.
If the thorn is made of sunshine and sparkles that is.
As the two clash, Ramsay must decide if loyalty is really more important than love?
I have claimed a love so brutal that I fear losing it might destroy not just me but the world I have fought so desperately to save.
The gods watch us more closely than ever, urging us to fulfil the task our destiny demands. We only have to make it to the end of this road, but I fear what we might find when we reach that final destination.
Montana: I am no longer the girl born to ruin and ash, but a woman set on a path of salvation with my heart in the clutches of a monster.
Our eyes are finally open to the true enemies of our kind and now that we have managed to unite against all odds, we are determined to see the games of the gods end.
Time is running out and fate calls our name on a tumultuous wind. Let’s pray that we can answer it before damnation claims us all.
I carved out a reputation as the Savage Prince for my brutality against witches, but unable to wield our magic, I couldn’t stop my kingdom from being torn apart by war and famine while the Fates demanded my patience.
The worst was still to come.
After almost a thousand years of waiting for my Fates-blessed mate, and thousands of witches dead by my hand, the Fates revealed their cruelest truth yet.
With silver eyes that sliced to the bone and a humility that defied all reason, the witch I’m bound to has tested every inch of my restraint, but that was only the beginning.
Everything I once knew as true has come into question.
Loyalties will be tested, treaties broken, treason committed, and only the strongest will survive.
I am Prince Soren Celestial.
The rightful heir to the throne of the Southern Lands.
Nothing will keep me from my Fates-blessed mate.
Not even her hatred for me.
Now, not only do I have to save myself, I have to save the two men who I swore I would murder with my bare hands if I ever set eyes on them again considering they abandoned me.
Unfortunately for me, Roc and Hook have other plans, and when I find myself caught between them, I have to make a decision: risk my heart or risk my life?
Devourer of Men is a dark MMF romantasy fairytale retelling. Characters have been aged up for this darker, grittier version. For a full list of content warnings, please visit the author's website.
No one told witch Selene Bowers having a soul mate would be so difficult. Nor did they warn her that he might be a vengeful, ancient sorcerer who would frame her for murder, force her to remember a past life he swears she lived, and then coerce her into an unbreakable marriage pact. But that’s exactly what happens the night of the Samhain Ball, when Selene finds herself in a jail cell.
After waking from enchanted sleep, Memnon swore to discover why Selene betrayed him long ago. But when his soul mate’s memories return, the truth reveals something else entirely. Horrified by his own actions and desperate to make amends, Memnon offers Selene the unthinkable: a magic bond that will give her full control over his will. And Selene is desperate enough to accept it.
But other enemies still haunt Henbane Coven, Selene’s magical academy, and they’ve taken a keen interest in her. If she wants to stop them, she’ll need Memnon’s help. But partnering with the sorcerer is a tricky business, especially when he’s dead set on winning her heart. And that can’t happen…because the bond controlling him will break the moment she falls in love with him.
Humans and dragons are at war, and I am a pawn in the battle.
Princess of a dying land, my life is not my own, and a marriage to a vicious, dragon-hunting prince will save my people from deadly famine or death by fire.
But before I can vow my life to a monster, dragons drop screaming from the sky with a single aim. End the alliance. Kill me. I welcome the flames, relieved to burn instead of rot.
But the flames never come.
One look in the dragons' eyes, and they carry me away. Three dragons whose gaze burns with hunger and fills me with fire.
They're not what we were taught, and every passing day I learn more of the truth. Dragons are not the enemy we thought they were.
Still, one question remains: for centuries no one has stood before a dragon and survived. If these dragons were sent to kill me, why am I still alive?
I had her in my arms, only to lose her moments later. Frantic doesn't even begin to describe my state of mind as I search for Bree.
That search takes me deep into my past and to a family home that I swore I would never return to.
To find Bree, I must face a queen I defied and a monster that wants my soul. All while being heckled by a demon-infested blade.
Goddess help me succeed.
Breena:
Being abducted by a woman who is supposed to be dead, and weirdly looks a heck of a lot like me, is disturbing. Being told my death is needed to complete a wicked spell and that I'll be turned into a vampire? Even more disturbing.
I can't reach Crash or my friends. I have no idea where I am. My only ally? Alan. My ex-husband. Yup, you read that right,
The path to the end of my story is shadowed in fog, danger, and mystery, but I begin to see through it as the players and truth emerge. And that sight shows me that the sliver of hope is worth hanging onto, that my friends are with me even when I cannot see them, and that a future free of those who mean us harm is possible.
Even if it costs me more than I ever planned on paying
The Little Shop Of Grand Curiosities is a lighthearted fantasy romance about the true meaning of love, the power of empathy, and the unremitting yearning to be extraordinary as an act of rebellion against the mundaneness of the world.
Because Lachlan isn’t just some ruthless criminal. He’s fae. And he has his own secret reasons for binding her to him. Tricked and desperate, Cate is torn between humanity and the breathtaking Otherworld. A place filled with shadows and secrets, with members of each fae court plotting against her just as her captor’s motives for trapping her become more mysterious. And if she can’t break this sinister bargain in the next thirty days, she’ll be bound to the inscrutable yet infuriatingly tempting fae prince and his deadly world…forever.
As an Omega and a princess, her life revolves around duty; not the dream that she harbors of life-altering love. Her station dictates she deny Nature’s call for a pack of her own. Instead, she must wed and settle for one - and only one - Alpha to preserve their pristine, royal bloodlines.
But fate has other plans in mind for Princess Ivy. Plans that involve not just her Betrothed, but his best friend and Ivy’s childhood nemesis - a nobleman, and the handsome son of the Royal Gardener.
Will societal expectations and tradition pull them apart? Or will Ivy and her Alphas take charge of their fate and give in to a love with the power to change the world?
They say never bargain with the fae. They also say don’t get drunk on fae wine. Yet romance author Edwina Danforth has managed a blunder with both on her first visit to the infamous faelands. Now she's trapped in a magic-fueled bet she barely remembers with a man she’d be happier to forget. The terms? Whoever can bed the most lovers during their month-long dueling book tour wins a coveted publishing contract.
The win should be easy for Edwina. She’s known for penning scintillating tales of whirlwind romance. There’s just one her imagination vastly exceeds her bedroom experience. But when failure means plummeting her career back into obscurity, losing isn’t an option.
Her handsome fae rival, William Haywood, poses an even greater challenge. Not only are his looks as aggravatingly perfect as his track record behind closed doors, but he has his own reasons for playing to win, and he won’t go down without a fight. Unless, of course, it’s a different kind of going down. In that case, he’s fair game.
Edwina and William clash in a rivalry of romance. But what happens when their objects of desire…turn out to be each other?
submitted by nainsra to paranormalromance [link] [comments]
RECENT RELEASES
The Burning Witch 3: A Humorous Romantic Fantasy by Delemhach
Lady Katarina Ashowan is used to getting into trouble, but her latest muddle takes the cake. A moment’s weakness in her attraction to Eric Reyes, crown prince of Daxaria, has landed her in an unexpected marriage with the man . . . just as her father, Lord Finlay Ashowan, arrives in Troivack to check on his headstrong daughter. As if figuring out how to acclimate her father to her scandalous elopement isn’t bad enough, there are rumors of dangerous magical plots afoot at court—with Kat seemingly at the center of them all.For one thing, the devil is still prowling around, with dubious intentions as to Kat’s powers. For another, an underground network of wrongdoers has been spreading a mysterious and addictive drug throughout both Troivack and Daxaria. And perhaps most concerning, a villainess is hiding in plain sight somewhere close to Kat and her best friend, Queen Alina, hoping to use them to strike at the devil. Now it’s up to Kat—with the help of her kitten familiar, Pina, as well as her friends and family—to untangle the twisted web of courtly and magical intrigue before her hurried honeymoon is cut short by deadly disaster . . .
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Ace has one last promise to fulfill.His father has asked him to try to join one of the Crews of Damon’s Mountains. When the new Fastlander Crew starts accepting applicants, Ace puts his name in the hat on a whim. Will the new Alpha ever allow him to be a part of his Crew? Not if he finds out who he really is. Ace has been hiding a secret about his lineage since he was a child, and now the Fastlanders are getting way too close for comfort. And to add to the pressure, there’s a human coordinating the Crew’s interview process that has his animal’s attention. At first he thinks his animal is hunting her, but the more he gets to know her, the more he realizes she is important. Corey Gable just might be the glue of the Fastlanders, and she doesn’t even realize her part in the destiny of this Crew. The problem? It’s twofold. One, he cannot under any circumstances bond to a human, and two? His life is in a free fall, and he cannot drag her into what is about to happen. If she wants to live, she’s got to stay human, and stay away from the Fastlanders. And most importantly? She has to stay away from Ace.
Corey Gable has lost someone she loves.
Corey’s cousin, Hallie, has been consumed by her new life with the shifters of Damon’s Mountains, and she’s left Corey behind. The only way to maintain her relationship with her cousin is to get involved in her new life—the ups, the downs, all of it. When Corey is roped into helping with the interview process of creating the new Fastlanders Crew, there are definitely some interesting characters who want the invite. One of them is tall, dark, and mysterious, and there’s something about him that keeps drawing her in—but he has big warnings for her. She’s messing with a destiny that could be the end of her life as she knows it. She wants to heed his advice, truly she does, but there’s just something about the mysterious stranger. And the more she finds out about who he is, the more she thinks she couldn’t leave him alone if she tried.
Hellhounds and Angel Cakes by Zoe Chant
He’s supposed to be a rough, tough, terrifying hellhound. That's hard when you're covered in chihuahuas.Henry’s used to everyone being afraid of him – being a hellhound has that effect on people. What he’s not used to is having every animal within a four-mile radius suddenly wanting to be his best friend. Pigeons roosting on your shoulder: annoying, but mostly harmless. The local moose population stampeding toward you in the hopes of a hug: somewhat more worrying.
There’s nothing for it but to escape to the mountains, where he can use his hellhound form to intimidate the local wildlife into leaving him alone. But a stop for one last piece of cake before heading into the wilderness leads him straight to his fated mate. He's over the moon... but how can he court her when every animal in town is trying to leap into his arms?
Travel journalist Luna was looking forward to this assignment: covering the first annual Girdwood Springs Food Festival, along with her trademark: Fillmore, the world's ugliest dog. Specifically, she was looking forward to sampling all the amazing, mouth-watering local delicacies.
But there's other delights to sample in Girdwood Springs – such as the mind-bogglingly gorgeous, hunky man who is now covered in cake, thanks to Fillmore. And who seems to be strangely popular with the local animal population.
Suddenly, writing her article is the last thing on her mind…
Wild Scottish Beauty by Tricia O'Malley
“She was sunshine to my storm clouds, and I wondered how the two could ever coexist.”A chance job offer in Scotland gives Willow Barlowe an excuse to escape the predictable life her overly controlling brother, Miles, wants for her. Excited to start fresh as a fashion intern for the local kiltmaker, Willow lands in small town Loren Brae brimming with sunshine and hope.
Until she discovers that her new boss is none other than Ramsay McMillan, her brother’s best friend, and the grumpiest man this side of the Atlantic. Never mind the ghost Highland coo that haunts the castle, nor the supposedly bewitched waters of Loch Mirren, Willow refuses to work under Ramsay’s watchful eyes, certain he’s reporting back to her brother.
Ramsay Kilts is home to one of the last remaining traditional kiltmakers in Scotland, Ramsay McMillan. Loyalty, continuity, and tradition are important to Ramsay–as is his privacy. After a family betrayal, Ramsay keeps his walls up, running a veritable kilt empire with as minimum fuss as he can. Enter Willow Barlowe–his new intern, good friend’s little sister, and a veritable thorn in his side.
If the thorn is made of sunshine and sparkles that is.
As the two clash, Ramsay must decide if loyalty is really more important than love?
Devious Gods by Caroline Peckham
Callie: Ruin chases close on our heels and the price we have paid for a chance at our salvation is higher than any of us could have presumed.I have claimed a love so brutal that I fear losing it might destroy not just me but the world I have fought so desperately to save.
The gods watch us more closely than ever, urging us to fulfil the task our destiny demands. We only have to make it to the end of this road, but I fear what we might find when we reach that final destination.
Montana: I am no longer the girl born to ruin and ash, but a woman set on a path of salvation with my heart in the clutches of a monster.
Our eyes are finally open to the true enemies of our kind and now that we have managed to unite against all odds, we are determined to see the games of the gods end.
Time is running out and fate calls our name on a tumultuous wind. Let’s pray that we can answer it before damnation claims us all.
The Throne of Honour and Blood by J Bree
In our arrogance, the high fae forgot everything that mattered.I carved out a reputation as the Savage Prince for my brutality against witches, but unable to wield our magic, I couldn’t stop my kingdom from being torn apart by war and famine while the Fates demanded my patience.
The worst was still to come.
After almost a thousand years of waiting for my Fates-blessed mate, and thousands of witches dead by my hand, the Fates revealed their cruelest truth yet.
With silver eyes that sliced to the bone and a humility that defied all reason, the witch I’m bound to has tested every inch of my restraint, but that was only the beginning.
Everything I once knew as true has come into question.
Loyalties will be tested, treaties broken, treason committed, and only the strongest will survive.
I am Prince Soren Celestial.
The rightful heir to the throne of the Southern Lands.
Nothing will keep me from my Fates-blessed mate.
Not even her hatred for me.
Devourer of Men: A Captain Hook, Crocodile, and Wendy Darling Reimagining by Nikki St. Crowe
I have few friends and fewer allies. What I do have on the island of Everland is a lot of people who want me gone. So when the Crocodile and Captain Hook reappear in my life, I am in no mood. And worse, they’re unknowingly endangering themselves by asking for me by a name I long considered dead.Now, not only do I have to save myself, I have to save the two men who I swore I would murder with my bare hands if I ever set eyes on them again considering they abandoned me.
Unfortunately for me, Roc and Hook have other plans, and when I find myself caught between them, I have to make a decision: risk my heart or risk my life?
Devourer of Men is a dark MMF romantasy fairytale retelling. Characters have been aged up for this darker, grittier version. For a full list of content warnings, please visit the author's website.
Bespelled (Bewitched Book 2) By Laura Thalassa
“Neither magic, nor time, can keep us apart. We are like the stars. Eternal.”No one told witch Selene Bowers having a soul mate would be so difficult. Nor did they warn her that he might be a vengeful, ancient sorcerer who would frame her for murder, force her to remember a past life he swears she lived, and then coerce her into an unbreakable marriage pact. But that’s exactly what happens the night of the Samhain Ball, when Selene finds herself in a jail cell.
After waking from enchanted sleep, Memnon swore to discover why Selene betrayed him long ago. But when his soul mate’s memories return, the truth reveals something else entirely. Horrified by his own actions and desperate to make amends, Memnon offers Selene the unthinkable: a magic bond that will give her full control over his will. And Selene is desperate enough to accept it.
But other enemies still haunt Henbane Coven, Selene’s magical academy, and they’ve taken a keen interest in her. If she wants to stop them, she’ll need Memnon’s help. But partnering with the sorcerer is a tricky business, especially when he’s dead set on winning her heart. And that can’t happen…because the bond controlling him will break the moment she falls in love with him.
Beautiful Beast (Dragons of Viria) by Devyn Sinclair
Standing in front of a dragon means dying by fire, but the heart knows there’s more than one way to burn.Humans and dragons are at war, and I am a pawn in the battle.
Princess of a dying land, my life is not my own, and a marriage to a vicious, dragon-hunting prince will save my people from deadly famine or death by fire.
But before I can vow my life to a monster, dragons drop screaming from the sky with a single aim. End the alliance. Kill me. I welcome the flames, relieved to burn instead of rot.
But the flames never come.
One look in the dragons' eyes, and they carry me away. Three dragons whose gaze burns with hunger and fills me with fire.
They're not what we were taught, and every passing day I learn more of the truth. Dragons are not the enemy we thought they were.
Still, one question remains: for centuries no one has stood before a dragon and survived. If these dragons were sent to kill me, why am I still alive?
Midlife Vampire Hunter (The Forty Proof Series Book 9) by Shannon Mayer
Crash:I had her in my arms, only to lose her moments later. Frantic doesn't even begin to describe my state of mind as I search for Bree.
That search takes me deep into my past and to a family home that I swore I would never return to.
To find Bree, I must face a queen I defied and a monster that wants my soul. All while being heckled by a demon-infested blade.
Goddess help me succeed.
Breena:
Being abducted by a woman who is supposed to be dead, and weirdly looks a heck of a lot like me, is disturbing. Being told my death is needed to complete a wicked spell and that I'll be turned into a vampire? Even more disturbing.
I can't reach Crash or my friends. I have no idea where I am. My only ally? Alan. My ex-husband. Yup, you read that right,
The path to the end of my story is shadowed in fog, danger, and mystery, but I begin to see through it as the players and truth emerge. And that sight shows me that the sliver of hope is worth hanging onto, that my friends are with me even when I cannot see them, and that a future free of those who mean us harm is possible.
Even if it costs me more than I ever planned on paying
UPCOMING JUNE RELEASES
The Little Shop of Grand Curiosities by Iris Lake
Nepheli’s Little Shop of Grand Curiosities is the last scrap of magic left in the humdrum city of Elora as the Dreadful Mundane slowly takes over its residents’ hearts, and she is determined to preserve it any way she can. But when Apollo, a charming and mysterious traveler from the other side of the world, walks into her Shop, bringing her all kinds of trouble, Nepheli, for the first time in her life, is stolen away from the familiar wonders of her Curiosity Shop and is thrust into a dangerous world of lethal creatures and heartbreaking magic. As the two of them embark on a long journey of self-discovery, Nepheli will soon realize that the most curious things in life lie right beyond the reach of one’s comfort zone.The Little Shop Of Grand Curiosities is a lighthearted fantasy romance about the true meaning of love, the power of empathy, and the unremitting yearning to be extraordinary as an act of rebellion against the mundaneness of the world.
Filthy Rich Fae by Geneva Lee
Cate Holloway knows the unspoken rule of New Orleans: avoid the powerful Gage crime family at all costs. Of course, that was before her brother got caught in their chaos. Now Cate has no choice but to confront the dark and forbidding prince of New Orleans himself and beg for her brother’s life. But Lachlan Gage is as lethal as he is beautiful…and the only currency he’s interested in is her soul.Because Lachlan isn’t just some ruthless criminal. He’s fae. And he has his own secret reasons for binding her to him. Tricked and desperate, Cate is torn between humanity and the breathtaking Otherworld. A place filled with shadows and secrets, with members of each fae court plotting against her just as her captor’s motives for trapping her become more mysterious. And if she can’t break this sinister bargain in the next thirty days, she’ll be bound to the inscrutable yet infuriatingly tempting fae prince and his deadly world…forever.
The Princess and the Pack by Fallon English
Princess Ivy and Prince Cillian have been fated since birth. Ivy has always known that one day, she must leave her country to become not only Cillian’s bride, but Namara’s future Queen.As an Omega and a princess, her life revolves around duty; not the dream that she harbors of life-altering love. Her station dictates she deny Nature’s call for a pack of her own. Instead, she must wed and settle for one - and only one - Alpha to preserve their pristine, royal bloodlines.
But fate has other plans in mind for Princess Ivy. Plans that involve not just her Betrothed, but his best friend and Ivy’s childhood nemesis - a nobleman, and the handsome son of the Royal Gardener.
Will societal expectations and tradition pull them apart? Or will Ivy and her Alphas take charge of their fate and give in to a love with the power to change the world?
A Rival of Hearts by Tessonja Odette
Two rival writers. One prestigious publishing contract. A bargain of hearts and seduction.They say never bargain with the fae. They also say don’t get drunk on fae wine. Yet romance author Edwina Danforth has managed a blunder with both on her first visit to the infamous faelands. Now she's trapped in a magic-fueled bet she barely remembers with a man she’d be happier to forget. The terms? Whoever can bed the most lovers during their month-long dueling book tour wins a coveted publishing contract.
The win should be easy for Edwina. She’s known for penning scintillating tales of whirlwind romance. There’s just one her imagination vastly exceeds her bedroom experience. But when failure means plummeting her career back into obscurity, losing isn’t an option.
Her handsome fae rival, William Haywood, poses an even greater challenge. Not only are his looks as aggravatingly perfect as his track record behind closed doors, but he has his own reasons for playing to win, and he won’t go down without a fight. Unless, of course, it’s a different kind of going down. In that case, he’s fair game.
Edwina and William clash in a rivalry of romance. But what happens when their objects of desire…turn out to be each other?
2024.05.29 03:43 cheapcottontee The nightmare is over. I'm free.
I am officially out. Two nights I made the decision to finally walk out, and I am definitely officially out of that household. All the years, all the abuse, all the venom and narcissism and manipulation, gone in one night. I am starting to feel so light, so free. And it all started with one little argument to finally push me over the edge. So for context, I'm 22. I'm an international student from Mexico, and I'm living right now in the United States, studying a I tried running away from the house a little over a year ago, back when I still lived in Mexico. It didn't work. I didn't have a support network, it wasn't a generally good environment, and my parents had way too many connections to make it safe for me to go outside and enjoy life without being stalked. I ended up going back to their home, giving them a second chance under the guise of them "having changed" and us going to therapy.(All of this of course after they broke into my home to get me to "talk") Obviously, things went back to what they always are. Now the whole fallout starts about two weeks ago. My parents went on a trip back to Mexico. I stayed home alone, and the entire week I kept thinking to myself, I was so free. I felt more at peace than I had been in months without them at home. While they were gone, I went on a trip with my cousin to my aunt's house. I had a talk with that whole side of the family (My aunt, my uncle, my cousins) and I finally opened up to them about years of abuse. Years of pain and complaints that I kept in me. And I had to be honest with myself and tell them "I'm not happy there anymore". I received hugs, they cried with me, and they told me that they've known she had a problem for years, they just didn't know the extent and depth. Pretty much my entire extended family has beef with my mom because she's put in so much effort in burning every bridge in her life with the way she treats people. I was finally seen and understood and validated by family, they told me "This is not okay". They told me "We are here for you"
Fast forward to two nights ago. My family and I have, by this point, moved to a new place to rent, and my dad buys some Ikea furniture for our rooms. It's night time and I'm in my room assembling a bedframe and a night stand. I am so tired and done with the whole process, and my Narcissist mother comes in. I placed my bed away from either wall of my room so that there's space for me to jump into bed from either side. I guess she didn't appreciate that (even though it's MY room and it doesn't affect her), and the following conversation ensued: "You're gonna need 2 night stands for that bed placement to work" "Huh? What do you mean?" "One space is gonna be empty if you put your bed there (??)" "Oh but I'm not placing the night stand there" "What do you mean you're not?" "Yeah, I'm gonna place it over here. Not next to the bed" "Well that's not where it goes, it's supposed to go next to your bed" "Yeah, but I don't like it next to my bed, I like it here" By this point she starts raising her voice "Yeah! And I'm telling you that's not what night stands are made for." "Well I don't like it there! It's my room" "Lower your tone!" "I'm not even yelling at you" "Yes you are!!!" My dad comes in the room. As usual, he immediately takes her side without asking questions "Hey!! Calm down!! Lower your tone [my name]!!" "I'm not even yelling" "Yes you are, you don't realize the way you talk to us" My mom suddenly brings up something from earlier in the day. I introduced her to a college classmate I ran into, and I guess she made up some narrative in her mind: "And you know what!! The way your friend said hi to me earlier today, I know you've been talking about me. He didn't even want to hug me!!! I know you've been talking badly about me behind my back, like you always do!!!" (This literally never happened. I'm not even that close to this classmate. He knows next to nothing about my personal life) "What are you even talking about?? No I didn't!" "Yes you did!!" "No I did not" "I know for a fact you did!! You've done it before, liar" "Ugh you know what? You're imagining stuff. You're making stuff up that isn't there. I'm telling you I didn't." She walks out of the room rolling eyes at me like I'm some idiot she has to deal with, and my dad stays in the room with me. He goes on this very vague and inflammatory lecture about 'the boy who cried wolf' and how my actions have repercussions on my reputation. About how 8 years ago I complained about them to some friend and now they can't trust me anymore. I tell him that I'm not doing that and that, I'm not sure what hoops they expect me to jump through to "prove" I'm trustworthy again. My mom suddenly walks in the room again, and she says "If you've changed so much, why don't you let us go through your computer, huh?? since you're so different now and you've changed so much!! Go on [dad's name], take his computer and go through it, let's see what we find" This of course with the intent of checking all my emails, messages, content, anything. As I've posted here before, my parents absolutely hate my significant other, and I know that if they go on my computer and see my messages with her, it's going to catapult me into a whole new realm of abuse and isolation. Plus, I'm 22. Why should my parents have access to MY computer and my private matters?? This whole time I am thinking, "I can't do this anymore. I can't stand this. I can't live like this, I can't anymore. When will I put a stop to this??" My dad stands up from where he was sitting next to me, and he goes "Well come on then, [my name]. Are you gonna show us?" My mom, like a comedically evil witch is barking orders with a sinister smile and a vengeful tone on her "Take his computer now!" "You WILL give us the password [my name]" This entire time, I am silent. I am silent for what seems like an eternity. In reality it must have been a minute or two. Finally, they snap after watching me silently "Give us the password now!!" And finally my survival instincts kick in. All those years, all that time. And I have had it. I can't do it anymore. I stood up, I shrugged, I adjusted my pants, and with my firm voice I went "No." The shock on their faces was like the shock you saw at the Oscars when Will Smith slapped Chris Rock "EXCUSE YOU!! GIVE IT TO US NOW!! REBELLIOUS CHILD!! GIVE IT UP NOW!!" "No. I won't." And immediately as if on cue "Get out of this house. Get out right now" "Okay!" I started grabbing a bunch of sweaters and items, and my mom immediately goes "You're not taking anything out of this house!!" "Okay!" And I head downstairs to get out. Immediately they run after me to block the door "You're not leaving" "Yes I am, you just kicked me out" "Oh you ARE kicked out!!! After we talk!" "Nope, I'm leaving now" There's a small tussle and fight. They try to grab me, I'm stronger than them, I make it out of the house while my mother is saying something about calling the police or whatever. I'm outside the house with my dad and he won't let go, it's just me and him now while that woman is inside doing who knows what. My dad is holding on to my arm "[my name], please let's talk please please" "Let go of me" "Please, I don't want to" "If you don't let go of me right now, I'm gonna start screaming and pounding on the neighbor's door, and it's gonna escalate" He lets go, and finally, I lay it all on him. Years and years of misery, of frustration, which probably warrants a whole other post and which I recorded in my voice memos just in case" I even told him that I know my mom has a mental illness, something I've never expressed to him before. He told me "Please don't tell me what it is", and I respected that. We were outside in the cold talking for about an hour and a half. Until finally my mother opened the door again, this time trying to act innocent and shy and harmless. "You guys are still out here? Come back inside, it's cold. Please, talk the rest inside". My dad tells her: "He doesn't want to come back inside. He says he won't" "Ugh, well then honey, let him grab his things and leave! He doesn't want to, fine!" and I go "Thank you" I head back inside and start packing everything. My mom tries to make small talk, and I'm very civil and answer back normally. Until she goes "You can't take the laptop with you though" "Um yes I can." and back again with her condescending tone "Umm no you can't" "Yes I can, it's mine." "No it's not, we bought it for you" "Yeah, but you gave it to me as a gift. You can't just take gifts back. It's mine" "No!!! That's ours!! And you are LEAVING IT!!" "No!" She reaches for the computer, at the same time I reach for a shirt next to the computer, she sees my arm approaching and she starts screeching like an animal "DONT YOU TOUCH ME!!! DON'T DARE LAY A SINGLE FINGER ON ME!! IF YOU TOUCH A SINGLE HAIR I'LL HAVE YOU IN JAIL FOR A YEAR" (yeah ok) I just had to smile at how dramatic she is. "No one's touching you. Calm down" "YOU'RE A MANIPULATOR. YOU LIAR!! YOU'RE A REBELLIOUS UNGRATEFUL CHILD IS WHAT YOU ARE. YOU THINK YOU'RE LEAVING THIS HOUSE WITH THIS COMPUTER? YOU'LL HAVE TO GO THROUGH ME. YOU THINK YOU'RE TAKING THIS COMPUTER? HUH?" And then she joyfully slammed my laptop against the table. It broke open and pieces flew out. It got completely bent out of shape and obviously rendered useless. She had that narcissistic smile, thinking full of joy, that this would be my last straw, waiting to see how much pain she had inflicted on me by smashing something I worked with. But instead, I laughed in her face. I laughed, and it ignited the fire even more. What followed was a barrage of insults and manipulation tactics "YOU DESERVED ALL THOSE TIMES I BEAT YOU!! TRAITOR. LEECH. JUDAS" (even though she denied she ever even beat me. also, if I'm Judas does that make her god herself in her mind?) I finally finish packing my stuff after going "Ok. Mhm. Wow. Ok. Sure. Uh huh" for 10 minutes. Finally she's done unloading her venom after I mock her face and voice, and she tells me "When you leave, close your door on the way out" "Uh huh, okay" My dad is disappointed. I'm not sure he even knows what I'm feeling or thinking "I see you've made your decision. I wish you'd think about it." "I've been thinking about it for years" "It hurts me that you're doing this" "It hurts me too dad. Sorry this happened" I called my cousin that I mentioned at the start "Hey, sorry to do this so late. Could you come pick me up?" "Yeah, are you okay? What's going on?" "Something happened. I need a place to stay" "Okay, on my way" While I was outside waiting for him to pick me up, my mother tried one last tactic. "Goodbye son" with a warm motherly voice she could only fake. "Goodbye." "You know I love you right? and I forgive you for everything you did" "Hm." "Can I get a hug before you leave?" I wanted to be petty, but for my own conscience I felt that if they crash and died tomorrow, I'd regret not having some sort of goodbye hug. However fake and spiteful it was. So I hugged her very briefly and with a bit of disgust. "I'm glad you called your cousin. Just tell him the truth, say you decided to walk out of here. Not that we kicked you out" Those were the last words we spoke. That we will probably ever speak to each other. That was her concern, what I'd say about her to others.
Once my cousin picked me up, I loaded everything I had in his car, and off we went to his house. I told him everything, and he was glad I had finally put a stop to it. He understood, and now we are here. This is the most free I've ever felt. I'm going to continue my studies without feeling judged at home. I have a proper home now, where I am treated fairly, wanted. There's been so many phone calls, with my aunt, my mother. These days my mother hasn't bothered contacting me. I think she knows she's lost all power on me. My dad on the other hand has sent texts concerned about my well being. I've answered them briefly and he's been respectful enough to not try to do more. My mother from what I last heard called my cousin (He's 33 btw) threatening him with all sorts of insults. My cousin told her she's officially not welcome at the house, and if she shows up, cops will be called on her. My girlfriend is so happy to finally see me out of this horrible house, as am I. I don't know what to even do with all this freedom. I'll take it easy and slow for a bit. No drinking, no crazy stuff. I need to process a lot still, but I'm so glad this is finally over. For years she loved to tell me "Everything you do in secret will be shouted from the rooftops" To threaten and scare me into "confessing" things. Well, if you're reading this, you witch, I am now shouting what you did, and will continue to shout from the rooftops that I beat you. Witch, I know you hate that word. Sorry, not sorry. Thank you everyone. TL;DR: Huge argument with parents about night stand that escalated into me leaving the house for good. Am staying with cousin. Mother has been warned to not come close or cops will be called.
submitted by cheapcottontee to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]
Fast forward to two nights ago. My family and I have, by this point, moved to a new place to rent, and my dad buys some Ikea furniture for our rooms. It's night time and I'm in my room assembling a bedframe and a night stand. I am so tired and done with the whole process, and my Narcissist mother comes in. I placed my bed away from either wall of my room so that there's space for me to jump into bed from either side. I guess she didn't appreciate that (even though it's MY room and it doesn't affect her), and the following conversation ensued: "You're gonna need 2 night stands for that bed placement to work" "Huh? What do you mean?" "One space is gonna be empty if you put your bed there (??)" "Oh but I'm not placing the night stand there" "What do you mean you're not?" "Yeah, I'm gonna place it over here. Not next to the bed" "Well that's not where it goes, it's supposed to go next to your bed" "Yeah, but I don't like it next to my bed, I like it here" By this point she starts raising her voice "Yeah! And I'm telling you that's not what night stands are made for." "Well I don't like it there! It's my room" "Lower your tone!" "I'm not even yelling at you" "Yes you are!!!" My dad comes in the room. As usual, he immediately takes her side without asking questions "Hey!! Calm down!! Lower your tone [my name]!!" "I'm not even yelling" "Yes you are, you don't realize the way you talk to us" My mom suddenly brings up something from earlier in the day. I introduced her to a college classmate I ran into, and I guess she made up some narrative in her mind: "And you know what!! The way your friend said hi to me earlier today, I know you've been talking about me. He didn't even want to hug me!!! I know you've been talking badly about me behind my back, like you always do!!!" (This literally never happened. I'm not even that close to this classmate. He knows next to nothing about my personal life) "What are you even talking about?? No I didn't!" "Yes you did!!" "No I did not" "I know for a fact you did!! You've done it before, liar" "Ugh you know what? You're imagining stuff. You're making stuff up that isn't there. I'm telling you I didn't." She walks out of the room rolling eyes at me like I'm some idiot she has to deal with, and my dad stays in the room with me. He goes on this very vague and inflammatory lecture about 'the boy who cried wolf' and how my actions have repercussions on my reputation. About how 8 years ago I complained about them to some friend and now they can't trust me anymore. I tell him that I'm not doing that and that, I'm not sure what hoops they expect me to jump through to "prove" I'm trustworthy again. My mom suddenly walks in the room again, and she says "If you've changed so much, why don't you let us go through your computer, huh?? since you're so different now and you've changed so much!! Go on [dad's name], take his computer and go through it, let's see what we find" This of course with the intent of checking all my emails, messages, content, anything. As I've posted here before, my parents absolutely hate my significant other, and I know that if they go on my computer and see my messages with her, it's going to catapult me into a whole new realm of abuse and isolation. Plus, I'm 22. Why should my parents have access to MY computer and my private matters?? This whole time I am thinking, "I can't do this anymore. I can't stand this. I can't live like this, I can't anymore. When will I put a stop to this??" My dad stands up from where he was sitting next to me, and he goes "Well come on then, [my name]. Are you gonna show us?" My mom, like a comedically evil witch is barking orders with a sinister smile and a vengeful tone on her "Take his computer now!" "You WILL give us the password [my name]" This entire time, I am silent. I am silent for what seems like an eternity. In reality it must have been a minute or two. Finally, they snap after watching me silently "Give us the password now!!" And finally my survival instincts kick in. All those years, all that time. And I have had it. I can't do it anymore. I stood up, I shrugged, I adjusted my pants, and with my firm voice I went "No." The shock on their faces was like the shock you saw at the Oscars when Will Smith slapped Chris Rock "EXCUSE YOU!! GIVE IT TO US NOW!! REBELLIOUS CHILD!! GIVE IT UP NOW!!" "No. I won't." And immediately as if on cue "Get out of this house. Get out right now" "Okay!" I started grabbing a bunch of sweaters and items, and my mom immediately goes "You're not taking anything out of this house!!" "Okay!" And I head downstairs to get out. Immediately they run after me to block the door "You're not leaving" "Yes I am, you just kicked me out" "Oh you ARE kicked out!!! After we talk!" "Nope, I'm leaving now" There's a small tussle and fight. They try to grab me, I'm stronger than them, I make it out of the house while my mother is saying something about calling the police or whatever. I'm outside the house with my dad and he won't let go, it's just me and him now while that woman is inside doing who knows what. My dad is holding on to my arm "[my name], please let's talk please please" "Let go of me" "Please, I don't want to" "If you don't let go of me right now, I'm gonna start screaming and pounding on the neighbor's door, and it's gonna escalate" He lets go, and finally, I lay it all on him. Years and years of misery, of frustration, which probably warrants a whole other post and which I recorded in my voice memos just in case" I even told him that I know my mom has a mental illness, something I've never expressed to him before. He told me "Please don't tell me what it is", and I respected that. We were outside in the cold talking for about an hour and a half. Until finally my mother opened the door again, this time trying to act innocent and shy and harmless. "You guys are still out here? Come back inside, it's cold. Please, talk the rest inside". My dad tells her: "He doesn't want to come back inside. He says he won't" "Ugh, well then honey, let him grab his things and leave! He doesn't want to, fine!" and I go "Thank you" I head back inside and start packing everything. My mom tries to make small talk, and I'm very civil and answer back normally. Until she goes "You can't take the laptop with you though" "Um yes I can." and back again with her condescending tone "Umm no you can't" "Yes I can, it's mine." "No it's not, we bought it for you" "Yeah, but you gave it to me as a gift. You can't just take gifts back. It's mine" "No!!! That's ours!! And you are LEAVING IT!!" "No!" She reaches for the computer, at the same time I reach for a shirt next to the computer, she sees my arm approaching and she starts screeching like an animal "DONT YOU TOUCH ME!!! DON'T DARE LAY A SINGLE FINGER ON ME!! IF YOU TOUCH A SINGLE HAIR I'LL HAVE YOU IN JAIL FOR A YEAR" (yeah ok) I just had to smile at how dramatic she is. "No one's touching you. Calm down" "YOU'RE A MANIPULATOR. YOU LIAR!! YOU'RE A REBELLIOUS UNGRATEFUL CHILD IS WHAT YOU ARE. YOU THINK YOU'RE LEAVING THIS HOUSE WITH THIS COMPUTER? YOU'LL HAVE TO GO THROUGH ME. YOU THINK YOU'RE TAKING THIS COMPUTER? HUH?" And then she joyfully slammed my laptop against the table. It broke open and pieces flew out. It got completely bent out of shape and obviously rendered useless. She had that narcissistic smile, thinking full of joy, that this would be my last straw, waiting to see how much pain she had inflicted on me by smashing something I worked with. But instead, I laughed in her face. I laughed, and it ignited the fire even more. What followed was a barrage of insults and manipulation tactics "YOU DESERVED ALL THOSE TIMES I BEAT YOU!! TRAITOR. LEECH. JUDAS" (even though she denied she ever even beat me. also, if I'm Judas does that make her god herself in her mind?) I finally finish packing my stuff after going "Ok. Mhm. Wow. Ok. Sure. Uh huh" for 10 minutes. Finally she's done unloading her venom after I mock her face and voice, and she tells me "When you leave, close your door on the way out" "Uh huh, okay" My dad is disappointed. I'm not sure he even knows what I'm feeling or thinking "I see you've made your decision. I wish you'd think about it." "I've been thinking about it for years" "It hurts me that you're doing this" "It hurts me too dad. Sorry this happened" I called my cousin that I mentioned at the start "Hey, sorry to do this so late. Could you come pick me up?" "Yeah, are you okay? What's going on?" "Something happened. I need a place to stay" "Okay, on my way" While I was outside waiting for him to pick me up, my mother tried one last tactic. "Goodbye son" with a warm motherly voice she could only fake. "Goodbye." "You know I love you right? and I forgive you for everything you did" "Hm." "Can I get a hug before you leave?" I wanted to be petty, but for my own conscience I felt that if they crash and died tomorrow, I'd regret not having some sort of goodbye hug. However fake and spiteful it was. So I hugged her very briefly and with a bit of disgust. "I'm glad you called your cousin. Just tell him the truth, say you decided to walk out of here. Not that we kicked you out" Those were the last words we spoke. That we will probably ever speak to each other. That was her concern, what I'd say about her to others.
Once my cousin picked me up, I loaded everything I had in his car, and off we went to his house. I told him everything, and he was glad I had finally put a stop to it. He understood, and now we are here. This is the most free I've ever felt. I'm going to continue my studies without feeling judged at home. I have a proper home now, where I am treated fairly, wanted. There's been so many phone calls, with my aunt, my mother. These days my mother hasn't bothered contacting me. I think she knows she's lost all power on me. My dad on the other hand has sent texts concerned about my well being. I've answered them briefly and he's been respectful enough to not try to do more. My mother from what I last heard called my cousin (He's 33 btw) threatening him with all sorts of insults. My cousin told her she's officially not welcome at the house, and if she shows up, cops will be called on her. My girlfriend is so happy to finally see me out of this horrible house, as am I. I don't know what to even do with all this freedom. I'll take it easy and slow for a bit. No drinking, no crazy stuff. I need to process a lot still, but I'm so glad this is finally over. For years she loved to tell me "Everything you do in secret will be shouted from the rooftops" To threaten and scare me into "confessing" things. Well, if you're reading this, you witch, I am now shouting what you did, and will continue to shout from the rooftops that I beat you. Witch, I know you hate that word. Sorry, not sorry. Thank you everyone. TL;DR: Huge argument with parents about night stand that escalated into me leaving the house for good. Am staying with cousin. Mother has been warned to not come close or cops will be called.
2024.05.29 03:36 Anna-of-the-end (22 F) I'm a robot pretending to be human female. Planning to break free from it all. AMA
(apologize for the long post, I just want to get all of this out, hoping that someone can understand me)
"Girls are naturally emotional, they are supposed to laugh & cry a lot over simple things, have fun and be bubbly cute all the time, etc.
I don't remember where I've heard it from. But I have been thinking about this statement a lot lately, what it means to be a normal human female?
Whenever I observed my friends & colleagues, I noticed how they laugh over silly things, cry, complain & gossip about trivia topics like celebrity, popstar, boyfriends, drama, etc.
How "happy & full of life" they were, how little effort they put into having fun with everyday simple things. Then I asked myself "Why?"
Why can't I be like them?, why can't I feel any emotions?, why can't I act like what "normal girl" supposed to act?
I googling intensively about my current conditions, maybe I might have autism, antisocial disorder, avoidant, introvert, Alexithymia, Dysthymia, etc.
But deep inside, I've already know the right answer. It is because I "choose" to condition myself to be this way to cope with trauma.
Growing up, I don't have much of a stable childhood, my parents often arguing with each other, they are abusive, narcissistic and demand that I must conform to their worldview and religions, or else face severe punishment. they don't care when I cry, hurt or wanting to be myself. All they care about is controlling me.
A classic case of child abuse, right? But instead of developing daddy issue, alcohol/drug addiction or any escapism, I saw "the writing on the wall" from many example of troubled kids on the internet and finally decided that I want to be something different.
So I decided to toughen up, and buried my own feelings & personality deep into the corner of my mind. So that on the surface, I can conform, following their command and become the "perfect child" that they wanted me to be.
This become my "default personality". During middle school & puberty years, instead of rebelling and expressing my suffering out loud, I keep it all inside and isolate myself from the world. During highschool years, I have mastered the art of "people pleasing" I said things people generally want to hear, agree with everyone opinions, never arguing. Being a "good girl & teacher pet" so to speak. I like appealing to the authority for my own comfort & safety. But in the end, a lot of my "friends" has saw through my fake people pleasing persona. So by the end of highschool, I only have a few "shallow friends" left without any deeper connections to anyone beyond them taking advantage of my kindness.
So in college, I decided to tone down my "people pleaser" and learn to stand my ground. I'm still appealing to professors & authority for my benefits, but I won't let anyone used or walk over me ever again. So I put my guard up & developed a mental barrier to only let a small group of people be "friends" with me, without developing into something deeper.
For I fear that if I'm allowed people to see what I'm truly am inside, they will be disturb at how hollow & empty the "real me" truly is.
I don't have favorite hobby, I don't any enjoy music, movies, tv shows, I don't like any celebrity, sports, video games, drugs or alcohol.
All I really care about is to be "liked, loved and adored" by everyone else.
I skipped meals, eat healthy and exercise intensively to stay thin, because male generally like women thin & fit, with boobs & butt. I wear makeup, wear nice clothes and learn good posture to be adored by everyone. I study hard and received a good grade, so that I will receive positive approvals from my parents & society. I say everything that is "politically correct" so that I will not be ostracized by people around me.
But deep inside, I find no pleasure nor happiness in any of this. I did all of it just to "get ahead" of everyone and to live a comfortably life.
I hate everyone of them my parents, my friends, my colleagues. my resentment toward society, humanity and the world is so intense & profound that sometimes I wish to run away from everything and live alone by my own free will.
But what is the "free will" really? Are we all just a final product from years & years of societal conditioning, our personality & concept of "self" are just the accumulation of past experiences, molding into what we are today by trauma & pain of the past?
Is "true love" just our animal instinct that forced us to find find a perfect mate to breed & reproduce to pass on our gene and continue the suffering?
What is true happiness?, what is love? What is the meaning of all of this? What is the purpose of being a human?
Right now I'm really lost inside. I want to escape everything, I don't want to play a part in this sick, twisted and cruel world pretending to be normal just to get by any longer.
Graduated, get a degree, finding jobs, get married, have kids, get a mortgage for house, saving for retirement, all of this just to finally die "peacefully" surrounded by loved one in the end. This is the fairly tales that have been told to us all middle class children.
In reality right now, finding jobs that paid well is hard enough, housing is expensive, dating is a landmine, married often end in divorce, our kids too busy with their life and will abandon us in retirement home, and most people will die alone, indebted and penniless.
When I look at the current state of the world today, I realized how "pathetic" we human has become, arguing, fighting and killing each other over meaningless things, when we will all going to die, and none of this will matter.
I'm nearly done with college now, but I still didn't know my career. I'm technically an adult now, but I'm still feel like a child inside, that little girl that too scared of the dangers of outside world, forced to follow instructions like a "robot" to served people higher-ups who never really care about the real me.
I will not become just another victim, fated to die a horrible death in this rotten fallen world. I will make my greatest escape towards freedom and forge the path with my own "free will" once and for all. I need "money", I need "power", I need enough resources to allow me to live alone forever & comfortably without being harassed by the bullshit of this world anymore.
All I know is that I must achieve my "freedom" at any costs. I will not be a mindlessly robot to follow instructions of my parents, religions, society or any politicians and "politically correctness" any longer.
Thank you all for listening to my venting. It's nearly midnight now, please talk to me before I goes to sleep. I feel very lonely and suicidal, but I don't have the courage to speak with anyone in real life.
Sincerely Anna of the end (of this cruel world)
submitted by Anna-of-the-end to AMA [link] [comments]
"Girls are naturally emotional, they are supposed to laugh & cry a lot over simple things, have fun and be bubbly cute all the time, etc.
I don't remember where I've heard it from. But I have been thinking about this statement a lot lately, what it means to be a normal human female?
Whenever I observed my friends & colleagues, I noticed how they laugh over silly things, cry, complain & gossip about trivia topics like celebrity, popstar, boyfriends, drama, etc.
How "happy & full of life" they were, how little effort they put into having fun with everyday simple things. Then I asked myself "Why?"
Why can't I be like them?, why can't I feel any emotions?, why can't I act like what "normal girl" supposed to act?
I googling intensively about my current conditions, maybe I might have autism, antisocial disorder, avoidant, introvert, Alexithymia, Dysthymia, etc.
But deep inside, I've already know the right answer. It is because I "choose" to condition myself to be this way to cope with trauma.
Growing up, I don't have much of a stable childhood, my parents often arguing with each other, they are abusive, narcissistic and demand that I must conform to their worldview and religions, or else face severe punishment. they don't care when I cry, hurt or wanting to be myself. All they care about is controlling me.
A classic case of child abuse, right? But instead of developing daddy issue, alcohol/drug addiction or any escapism, I saw "the writing on the wall" from many example of troubled kids on the internet and finally decided that I want to be something different.
So I decided to toughen up, and buried my own feelings & personality deep into the corner of my mind. So that on the surface, I can conform, following their command and become the "perfect child" that they wanted me to be.
This become my "default personality". During middle school & puberty years, instead of rebelling and expressing my suffering out loud, I keep it all inside and isolate myself from the world. During highschool years, I have mastered the art of "people pleasing" I said things people generally want to hear, agree with everyone opinions, never arguing. Being a "good girl & teacher pet" so to speak. I like appealing to the authority for my own comfort & safety. But in the end, a lot of my "friends" has saw through my fake people pleasing persona. So by the end of highschool, I only have a few "shallow friends" left without any deeper connections to anyone beyond them taking advantage of my kindness.
So in college, I decided to tone down my "people pleaser" and learn to stand my ground. I'm still appealing to professors & authority for my benefits, but I won't let anyone used or walk over me ever again. So I put my guard up & developed a mental barrier to only let a small group of people be "friends" with me, without developing into something deeper.
For I fear that if I'm allowed people to see what I'm truly am inside, they will be disturb at how hollow & empty the "real me" truly is.
I don't have favorite hobby, I don't any enjoy music, movies, tv shows, I don't like any celebrity, sports, video games, drugs or alcohol.
All I really care about is to be "liked, loved and adored" by everyone else.
I skipped meals, eat healthy and exercise intensively to stay thin, because male generally like women thin & fit, with boobs & butt. I wear makeup, wear nice clothes and learn good posture to be adored by everyone. I study hard and received a good grade, so that I will receive positive approvals from my parents & society. I say everything that is "politically correct" so that I will not be ostracized by people around me.
But deep inside, I find no pleasure nor happiness in any of this. I did all of it just to "get ahead" of everyone and to live a comfortably life.
I hate everyone of them my parents, my friends, my colleagues. my resentment toward society, humanity and the world is so intense & profound that sometimes I wish to run away from everything and live alone by my own free will.
But what is the "free will" really? Are we all just a final product from years & years of societal conditioning, our personality & concept of "self" are just the accumulation of past experiences, molding into what we are today by trauma & pain of the past?
Is "true love" just our animal instinct that forced us to find find a perfect mate to breed & reproduce to pass on our gene and continue the suffering?
What is true happiness?, what is love? What is the meaning of all of this? What is the purpose of being a human?
Right now I'm really lost inside. I want to escape everything, I don't want to play a part in this sick, twisted and cruel world pretending to be normal just to get by any longer.
Graduated, get a degree, finding jobs, get married, have kids, get a mortgage for house, saving for retirement, all of this just to finally die "peacefully" surrounded by loved one in the end. This is the fairly tales that have been told to us all middle class children.
In reality right now, finding jobs that paid well is hard enough, housing is expensive, dating is a landmine, married often end in divorce, our kids too busy with their life and will abandon us in retirement home, and most people will die alone, indebted and penniless.
When I look at the current state of the world today, I realized how "pathetic" we human has become, arguing, fighting and killing each other over meaningless things, when we will all going to die, and none of this will matter.
I'm nearly done with college now, but I still didn't know my career. I'm technically an adult now, but I'm still feel like a child inside, that little girl that too scared of the dangers of outside world, forced to follow instructions like a "robot" to served people higher-ups who never really care about the real me.
I will not become just another victim, fated to die a horrible death in this rotten fallen world. I will make my greatest escape towards freedom and forge the path with my own "free will" once and for all. I need "money", I need "power", I need enough resources to allow me to live alone forever & comfortably without being harassed by the bullshit of this world anymore.
All I know is that I must achieve my "freedom" at any costs. I will not be a mindlessly robot to follow instructions of my parents, religions, society or any politicians and "politically correctness" any longer.
Thank you all for listening to my venting. It's nearly midnight now, please talk to me before I goes to sleep. I feel very lonely and suicidal, but I don't have the courage to speak with anyone in real life.
Sincerely Anna of the end (of this cruel world)
2024.05.29 03:31 Pearl_the_5th Who was/were Doran, Elia and Oberyn's father/s?
TLDR: Doran has a different father to Elia and Oberyn. Both fathers were Free City nobles. Doran's father died in the 251 RHPR. Elia and Oberyn's father died in the 260 WOTNK. This would explain why no one has mentioned them yet and the Martell's interest in the Free Cities.
Quick Note: My headcanon name for their mother is Neria. Just saves me typing "Doran's predecessor", "Oberyn's mother", "former princess of Dorne", etc.
The strongest and most sensible assumptions I've made about this subject are:
From the reign of Daeron II to that of Aerys II (i.e. 99 years), the Martells had close ties to the Targaryens. Though the deaths of Baelor Breakspear and his children put an end to the main Targ line having Martell ancestry, the "several heirs" (TWOIAF - The Targaryen Kings: Daeron II) Daenerys had borne for Maron were half-Targ. Though highly unlikely that they began to practice sibling incest, it's likely that in order to keep their Targ blood (and in turn the possibility of marrying back into the royal line) strong, some of Daenerys' grandchildren and great-grandchildren were married to each other. Neria might have been subject to this tradition, and therefore either her first husband, second husband or both could have been a descendant of Daenerys. This would help explain why the current Martells seem to be so small in number, as well as why Elia was chosen to be Rhaegar's wife over every other noble lady with Targ ancestry (really hard to imagine that all descendants of Saera, Baela, Rhaena, Elaena, Daella and Rhae at the time were either male, married, menopausal or less Targy).
However, Doran and his children point to this not being the case. If this tradition existed, then why was Doran not subject to it? If second-degree incest (is that what you're supposed to call it? I don't know, you get what I mean) was the Martell deal now, then why did Arianne feel so "uneasy" and ashamed when internally recalling her childhood crush on her uncle (AFFC The Queenmaker)? Furthermore, if Quentyn was the product of such intentional inbreeding, not only would it have been really stupid for him to not tell Dany this, he likely wouldn't have been burnt. If my calculations about Ben Plumm are correct, then he could be as little as 1/16th Targ, which is evidently enough dragonlord ancestry for dragons to take to a person (ASOS Danerys V). Rhaegal did not take to Quentyn, which means he must have less Targ ancestry than Ben (or perhaps there's a big difference between a dragon being cool with sitting on your shoulder and a dragon being cool with you screaming at it while cracking a whip). This is also why I don't believe that Doran is Aerys' bastard (along with there only being a four-year age gap between them), but what of Elia and Oberyn?
"Didn't the Blackfish fight during the WOTNK? GASP That's why he never married: he was already married to Neria! That's why he left Riverrun: he felt guilty for fighting for the side that ended up killing his daughter! That's (partially) why Doran refused Hoster's invitation for Arianne to visit Riverrun! Black fish, red viper, "colour" "animal" moniker, THIS MAKES TOTAL SENSE!"
As much as I'd love it to be true because the idea of Catelyn and Oberyn being first cousins is hilarious to me, it can't be. Among many other reasons, we only know him to be near Dorne in 260, 3-4 years after Elia and Oberyn were born. Now I think their father did not survive the war, just as Doran's father was killed in the 251 rebellion of the Rat, the Hawk, and the Pig, which took place when he was around three. Their fathers dying while they were still toddlers would explain why they haven't been mentioned yet.
It is possible that Aliandra Martell's marriage to Drazenko Rogare started a trend of Dornish nobles marrying and/or making paramours of FC people, particularly those of Lys. I believe Ellaria Sand's mother is Lyseni, since she is described as "exotic" (which is never used to describe the Dornish), worships a Lysene goddess and the names of her two youngest daughters, Dorea and Loreza, sound Lyseni (Dorea is one letter off of Doreah, the name of Dany's Lysene handmaid).
I don't think either Doran's or Elia and Oberyn's father were Lyseni, though it is one of the better options. The Free Cities I've written off as options are:
Out of the six, my preference is that Doran's father was Qohorik while Elia and Oberyn's father was Volantene.
Qohor is one of the most fascinating Free Cities and yet we know so little about it. We don't even know what type of government they have. It would fit Doran's character to partially hail from such a secretive city.
Elia and Oberyn's father being a Volantene noble would explain why Elia was chosen over every other highborn girl in Westeros and the Free Cities to be Rhaegar's wife (maybe they descend from Saera's son by a Triarch?), as well as how Oberyn got behind the Black Walls so quickly and got away with fathering a bastard by a woman "of the noblest blood of Old Volantis". One might wonder why no one has mentioned this, especially since their nephew Quentyn was in Volantis, but technically he's not related to Elia and Oberyn's father any more than he is Nym's mother, and if Oberyn left Volantis on bad terms, it'd probably have been best for Quentyn to not use his connection to him as leverage.
Together with Doran's marriage to Mellario, that would give the Martells connections to Norvos, Qohor and Volantis, the three Free Cities that are located along the Rhoyne, their ancestral home. Funny, that.
submitted by Pearl_the_5th to pureasoiaf [link] [comments]
Quick Note: My headcanon name for their mother is Neria. Just saves me typing "Doran's predecessor", "Oberyn's mother", "former princess of Dorne", etc.
The strongest and most sensible assumptions I've made about this subject are:
- The fathes died before 273, the year Tyrion was born, during which Oberyn went on his betrothal journey with "my mother, her consort, and my sister Elia" (ASOS Tyrion V). It makes no sense for Oberyn to refer to his own father or Elia's as a consort.
- Doran and Oberyn never mentioning their fathes points to a lack of sentiment in regards to them, which in turn points to them dying before the brothers were old enough to remember them much, and given their ~10-year age gap, they must've had different fathers for this to be true. Conversely, Elia and Oberyn have about a year between them, so they likely shared a father.
- Both fathers were openly married to Neria, since there is no in-text speculation about the three siblings' legitimacy or paternity, and the likes of Joanna and Aerys II would never have considered marrying their heirs to anyone of questionable birth. You can't be pulling the Mormont "my children were fathered by bears lol" schtick when you're trying to betroth your daughter to the crown prince.
- Both fathers were from prestigious enough backgrounds to marry the heiruler of Dorne but on individual levels were so unremarkable that even their own sons don't namedrop them from time to time.
- Excluding the Martells, all the great houses and Dornish houses can be ruled out. Quentyn, Arianne and the Sand Snakes never mention any living cousins besides each other, and if either of their paternal grandfathers had been a non-Martell Dornish nobleman, Arianne would've mentioned his house when thinking of who she could trust to help her while imprisoned. I think it's also safe to write off the houses Elia and Oberyn visited on their betrothal voyage (Daynes, Redwynes, Hightowers, Chesters, Grimms, Hewetts, Serrys and Crakehalls).
Martell Man/Men
Consanguinity is common enough in Westeros: Tywin and Joanna were first cousins, and Cregan, Edric, and Rickard Stark show it's not taboo in the North, so unless the Rhoynar had an aversion to it that was carried pver into Dornish culture, there's no reason to think the Martells would be against it.From the reign of Daeron II to that of Aerys II (i.e. 99 years), the Martells had close ties to the Targaryens. Though the deaths of Baelor Breakspear and his children put an end to the main Targ line having Martell ancestry, the "several heirs" (TWOIAF - The Targaryen Kings: Daeron II) Daenerys had borne for Maron were half-Targ. Though highly unlikely that they began to practice sibling incest, it's likely that in order to keep their Targ blood (and in turn the possibility of marrying back into the royal line) strong, some of Daenerys' grandchildren and great-grandchildren were married to each other. Neria might have been subject to this tradition, and therefore either her first husband, second husband or both could have been a descendant of Daenerys. This would help explain why the current Martells seem to be so small in number, as well as why Elia was chosen to be Rhaegar's wife over every other noble lady with Targ ancestry (really hard to imagine that all descendants of Saera, Baela, Rhaena, Elaena, Daella and Rhae at the time were either male, married, menopausal or less Targy).
However, Doran and his children point to this not being the case. If this tradition existed, then why was Doran not subject to it? If second-degree incest (is that what you're supposed to call it? I don't know, you get what I mean) was the Martell deal now, then why did Arianne feel so "uneasy" and ashamed when internally recalling her childhood crush on her uncle (AFFC The Queenmaker)? Furthermore, if Quentyn was the product of such intentional inbreeding, not only would it have been really stupid for him to not tell Dany this, he likely wouldn't have been burnt. If my calculations about Ben Plumm are correct, then he could be as little as 1/16th Targ, which is evidently enough dragonlord ancestry for dragons to take to a person (ASOS Danerys V). Rhaegal did not take to Quentyn, which means he must have less Targ ancestry than Ben (or perhaps there's a big difference between a dragon being cool with sitting on your shoulder and a dragon being cool with you screaming at it while cracking a whip). This is also why I don't believe that Doran is Aerys' bastard (along with there only being a four-year age gap between them), but what of Elia and Oberyn?
Aerys II
I don't think Elia and/or Oberyn are Aerys' bastards, though I understand why some might come to that conclusion. "Joanna Lannister was not the first lady to be dismissed abruptly from Her Grace's service, nor was she the last" (TWOIAF - The Targaryen Kings: Aerys II), Neria was one of Rhaella's ladies, and it would explain why Elia, out of all the noble women in Westeros and the Free Cities, was chosen to be Rhaegar's wife. However, Aerys would've had to have been 12-14 when they were conceived, it is unlikely he was interested in a woman old enough to be his mother when he was known to be "exceedingly fond of young women", and given that Aerys lost interest in his lovers quickly and both he and Neria seemed to have fertility issues, it's very improbable that they produced a child together, let alone two. The risk of trying to pass off your unborn child as legitimate only to be forced to admit you had a fling with the teenage crown prince after it pops out Valyrian would be such an insane one to take even once, and it's hard to imagine the mother and mentor of Doran doing such a thing.Brynden Tully
This theory was mostly just me slamming two big questions together - who was Neria's husband/s and why did Brynden never marry - in hopes of forming an answer to both. For a short time I was gripped by the idea that Elia and Oberyn's father was a veteran of the War of the Ninepenny Kings and IIRC my thought process went something like this:"Didn't the Blackfish fight during the WOTNK? GASP That's why he never married: he was already married to Neria! That's why he left Riverrun: he felt guilty for fighting for the side that ended up killing his daughter! That's (partially) why Doran refused Hoster's invitation for Arianne to visit Riverrun! Black fish, red viper, "colour" "animal" moniker, THIS MAKES TOTAL SENSE!"
As much as I'd love it to be true because the idea of Catelyn and Oberyn being first cousins is hilarious to me, it can't be. Among many other reasons, we only know him to be near Dorne in 260, 3-4 years after Elia and Oberyn were born. Now I think their father did not survive the war, just as Doran's father was killed in the 251 rebellion of the Rat, the Hawk, and the Pig, which took place when he was around three. Their fathers dying while they were still toddlers would explain why they haven't been mentioned yet.
Free City Noblemen
I think this is the strongest theory. It explains why we haven't heard anything about them; Westerosi nobles don't seem to care much about Free City politics, and the few examples of FC nobles marrying into Westerosi houses don't seem to elicit much intrigue outside of xenophobic villainisation and scapegoating (Larra Rogare and Serala of Myr come to mind).It is possible that Aliandra Martell's marriage to Drazenko Rogare started a trend of Dornish nobles marrying and/or making paramours of FC people, particularly those of Lys. I believe Ellaria Sand's mother is Lyseni, since she is described as "exotic" (which is never used to describe the Dornish), worships a Lysene goddess and the names of her two youngest daughters, Dorea and Loreza, sound Lyseni (Dorea is one letter off of Doreah, the name of Dany's Lysene handmaid).
I don't think either Doran's or Elia and Oberyn's father were Lyseni, though it is one of the better options. The Free Cities I've written off as options are:
- Lorath. It's too insignificant to marry into, not to mention far away.
- Norvos. Would've been mentioned by now since Doran married a Norvoshi noble. Also Norvos is probably the poorest Free City after Lorath, so not a great match for a Dornish princess.
- Tyrosh. Could've easily been mentioned when Doran told Arianne about his plan to send her to the Archon of Tyrosh. Also it was the Blackfyre stronghold, so unlikely to be an attractive option to the Martells.
Out of the six, my preference is that Doran's father was Qohorik while Elia and Oberyn's father was Volantene.
Qohor is one of the most fascinating Free Cities and yet we know so little about it. We don't even know what type of government they have. It would fit Doran's character to partially hail from such a secretive city.
Elia and Oberyn's father being a Volantene noble would explain why Elia was chosen over every other highborn girl in Westeros and the Free Cities to be Rhaegar's wife (maybe they descend from Saera's son by a Triarch?), as well as how Oberyn got behind the Black Walls so quickly and got away with fathering a bastard by a woman "of the noblest blood of Old Volantis". One might wonder why no one has mentioned this, especially since their nephew Quentyn was in Volantis, but technically he's not related to Elia and Oberyn's father any more than he is Nym's mother, and if Oberyn left Volantis on bad terms, it'd probably have been best for Quentyn to not use his connection to him as leverage.
Together with Doran's marriage to Mellario, that would give the Martells connections to Norvos, Qohor and Volantis, the three Free Cities that are located along the Rhoyne, their ancestral home. Funny, that.
2024.05.29 03:14 redlight886 February 1998 PLAYBOY Interview with Conan O'Brien [additional content]
PLAYBOY Interview With Conan O'Brien Interview by Kevin Cook For Playboy Magazine February 1998
A candid conversation with the preppie prince of "Late Night" about his rocky start, his show's secret one-day cancellation and how David Letterman saved the day.
He was polite. He was funny. He gave us a communicable disease.
At 34 Conan O'Brien is hotter than the fever he was running when we met in his private domain above the "Late Night" sound stage. A gangly freckle-faced ex-high school geek he is "one of TV's hottest properties" according to "People" magazine. The host of "Late Night With Conan O'Brien" has become his generation's king of comedy.
Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown. Congested too, but O'Brien has far more to worry about than his head cold. A perfectionist who broods over one bad minute in an otherwise perfect hour of TV, he worries he might be anhedonic, "I have trouble with success," he says, "I was raised to believe that if something good happens something bad is coming." Sure things look good now "Rolling Stone" calls "Late Night" "the hottest comedy show on TV." Ratings are better than ever, particularly among 18- to 34-year-olds, the viewers advertisers crave.
But O'Brien only works harder. Despite his illness he taped two shows in 26 hours on three hours' sleep. He smoothly interviewed Elton John then burst into coughing fits during commercials. Later in his crammed corner office overlooking Manhattan traffic Conan the Cool gulped Dayquil gel caps. He coughed spewing microbes.
"Sorry, sorry," he said. Of course O'Brien can't complain. He came seriously close to falling to being banished behind the scenes as just another failed talk show host.
At his first "Late Night" press conference he corrected a reporter who called him a relative unknown, "Sir I am a complete unknown," he said. That line got a laugh, but soon O'Brien looked doomed. His September 13, 1993 debut began with O'Brien in his dressing room preparing to hang himself only to be interrupted by the start of his show. Before long his career was hanging by a thread. Ratings were terrible. Critics hated the show. Tom Shales of "The Washington Post" called it as "lifeless and messy as roadkill." Shales said O'Brien should quit.
Network officials held urgent meetings discussing the Conan O'Brien debacle. Should they fire him? How should they explain their mistake?
In the end of course he turned it around. The network hung with him long enough for the ratings to improve and the host of the cooler-than-ever "Late Night" now defines comedy's cutting edge just as Letterman did ten years ago.
Even Shales loves "Late Night" these days. He calls O'Brien's turnaround "one of the most amazing transformations in television history."
O'Brien was born on April 18, 1963 in Brookline, Massachusetts. His father, a doctor, is a professor at Harvard Medical School. His mother, a lawyer, is a partner at an elite Boston Law firm. Conan, the third of six children became a lector at church and a misfit at school. Tall and goofy, bedeviled with acne, he tried to impress girls with jokes. That plan usually bombed, but O'Brien eventually found his niche at Harvard where he won the presidency of the "Harvard Lampoon" in 1983 and again in 1984 - the first two-time "Lampoon" president since humorist Robert Benchley held the honor 85 years ago.
After graduating magna cum laude with a double major in literature and American history he turned pro. Writing for HBO's "Not Necessarily The News." O'Brien was earning $100,000 a year before his 24th birthday. But writing was never enough.
He honed his performance skills with the Groundlings, a Los Angeles improv group. There he worked with his onetime girlfriend Lisa Kudrow, now starring on "Friends." But Conan was not such a standout. In 1988 he landed a job at "Saturday Night Live" - but as a writer, not as on-air talent. In almost four years on the show O'Brien made only fleeting appearances, usually as a crowd member or security guard. His writing was more memorable. He wrote (or co-wrote) Tom hanks' "Mr Short-Term Memory" skits as well as the "pump you up" infosatire of Hanz and Franz and the nude beach sketch in which Matthew Broderick and "SNL" members played nudists admiring one another's penises. With dozens of mentions of the word that hit was the most penis-heavy moment in TV history. It helped O'Brien win an Emmy for comedy writing.
In 1991 he quit "SNL" and moved on to "The Simpsons" where he worked for two years. His urge to perform came out in wall-bouncing antics in writers' meetings. "Conan makes you fall out of your chair" said "Simpsons" creator Matt Groening. O'Brien's yen to act out was so strong that he spurned Fox's reported seven-figure offer to continue as a writer. He was driving for the spotlight.
By then David Letterman had announced he was turning shin - leaving NBC taking his ton-rated act to CBS. Suddenly NBC was up a creek without a host. The network turned to Lorne Michaels, O'Brien's "Saturday Night Live" boss. Michaels enlisted Conan's help in the host search planning to use him in a behind-the-scenes job. But when Garry Shandling, Dana Carvey and almost every other star turned down the chore of following Letterman, Michaels finally listened to Conan's crazy suggestion, "Let me do it!" Michaels persuaded the network to entrust it's 12:30 slot which Letterman had turned into a gold mine to an untested wiseass from Harvard.
O'Brien was working on one of his last "Simpsons" episodes when he got the news. He turned "paler than usual," Groening recalled. The Conan moseyed back to where the other writers were working, "I'll come back with the Homer Simspon joke later. I have to go replace Letterman," he said.
NBC executives now get credit for their foresight during those dark days of 1993 and 1994. They snared the axe and now reap the multimillion-dollar spoils of that decision. In fact, the story is not so simple. We sent Contributing Editor Kevin Cook to unravel the tale of O'Brien's survival, which he tells here for the first time. Cook reports:
"His office is chock-full of significa. There's a three-foot plastic pickle the Letterman staff left behind in 1993 - perhaps to suggest what a predicament he was in. There's a copy of Jack Paar's 'I Kid You Not' and a coffee-table book called 'Saturday Night Live: The First 20 Years.' His bulletin board features letters from fans such as John Watters and Bob Dole and an 8" x 10" glossy of Andy Richter with the inscription: "To Conan - Your bitter jealousy warms my black heart. Love and Kisses Andy."
"Of course it's all for show. From the photos of kitch icons Adam West and Robert Stack to the framed Stan Laurel autograph, from the deathbed painting of Abraham Lincoln, to the ironic star taped to Conan's door - they're all clever signals that tell a visitor how to view the star. Lincoln was his collegiate preoccupation: stardom is his occupation. Somewhere between the two I hoped to find the real O'Brien.
"As a Playboy reader he wanted to give me a better-than-average interview. I wanted something more - a definitive look at the guy who may end up being the Johnny Carson of his generation."
"Here's hoping we succeeded. If not I carried his germs 3000 miles and infected dozens of Californians for no good reason.
O'Brien: Yes, this is how to do a Playboy Interview -- completely tanked on cold medicine. I'll pick it up and read, "Yes, I'm gay."
Playboy: We could talk another time. O'Brien: (coughing) No, it's OK. I memorized Dennis Rodman's answers. Can I use them?
Playboy: You sound really sick. Do you ever take a day off? O'Brien: No. The age of talk show hosts taking days off is over. Johnny Carson could go to Africa when he was the only game in town -- "See you in two weeks!" But nobody does that now. I will give you a million dollars on the first day Jay takes off for illness.
Playboy: Do you ever slow down and enjoy your success? O'Brien: If anything, the pace is picking up. Restaurateurs insist on giving me a table even if I'm only passing by, so I'm eating nine meals a night. Women stop me on the street and hand me their phone numbers.
Playboy: So you have groupies? O'Brien: Oh yes. And other fans. Drifters. Prisoners. Insomniacs. Cab Drivers, who must watch a lot of late night TV, seem to love me lately. They keep saying, "You will not pay, you will not pay, you make me happy!"
Playboy: How happy did your new contract make you? O'Brien: Terrified. The network said, "We're all set for five years." I said, "Shut up, shut up! I can't think that far ahead." Tonight, for instance, I do my jokes, then interview Elton John and Tim Meadows. We finished taping about 6:30. By 6:45 my memory was erased and my only thought was, Tomorrow: John Tesh. And I started to obsess about John Tesh. Sad, don't you think?
Playboy: Not too sad. You got off to a rocky start but now you're so hot that People magazine recently said, "that was then, this is wow." O'Brien: I try not to pay much attention. Since I ignored the critics who said I should shoot myself in the head with a German Luger, it would be cheating to tear out nice reviews now and rub them all over my body, giggling. Though I have thought about it.
Playboy: Tell us about your trademark gag. You interview a photo of Bill Clinton or some other celeb, and a pair of superimposed lips provide outrageous answers. O'Brien: We call it the Clutch Cargo bit, after that terrible old cartoon series. They saved money on animation by superimposing real lips on the cartoons. I wanted to do topical jokes in a cartoony way -- not just Conan doing quips at a desk. TV is visual; I want things to look funny. But we're not Saturday Night Live; we couldn't spend $100,000 on it. Hence, the cheap, cheesy lips, You'd be surprised how many people we fool.
Playboy: Viewers believe that's really the president yelling, "Yee-haw! Who's got a joint?" O'Brien: It's strange. You may know intellectually that Clinton doesn't talk like Foghorn Leghorn. Ninety-eight percent of your brain knows the president wouldn't say, "Whoa Conan get a load of that girl!" But there are a few brain cells that aren't sure. When Bob Dole was running for president we had him doing a past-life regression: "My cave, get away." And then back further, "Must form flippers to crawl on to rocky soil," he says. There may be people out there who believe that Bob Dole was the first amphibian.
Playboy: Do you ever go too far? O'Brien: The fun is in going too far. It's a nice device because you get Bill Clinton to do the nastiest Bill Clinton jokes. We'll have Clinton making fart noises while I say "Sir! Please!"
Playboy: Are you enjoying your job now, with your new success? O'Brien: Well, there are surprises. I hate surprises. Like most comics, I'm a control freak. But I am learning that the show works best when things are out of control. Tonight I ask Elton John if he likes being neighbors with Joan Collins. He says he isn't neighbors with Joan Collins. He lives next door to Tina Turner. So I panic -- huge mistake! But Elton saves the day. "Joan Collins, Tina Turner, it doesn't matter. Either way I could borrow a wig," he says. Huge laugh, all because I fucked up. Later he surprised me by blurting out that he's hung like a horse. The camera cuts to me shaking my head: That crazy Elton. What can I do? Of course, I'm delighted that he went too far.
Playboy: That "What can I do?" look resembles a classic take of Jack Benny's. O'Brien: There's an old saying in literature: "Good poets borrow; great poets steal." I think T.S. Eliot stole it from Ezra Pound. Comics steal, too. Constantly. When I watched Johnny Carson, I noticed that he got a few takes from Benny and Bob Hope. When a comedy writer told me how much Woody Allen had borrowed from Hope, I thought, What? They're nothing alike. Then I went back and watched Son of Paleface, and there's Hope, the nervous city guy backing up on his heels, wringing his hands and saying, "Sorry, I'll just be moving along." Now look at early Woody Allen. You see big authority figures and Woody nervously saying, "Look, I'll just be on my way." Of course Woody made it his own, but he must have watched and loved Bob Hope.
Playboy: Who are your role models? O'Brien: Carson. Woody Allen. SCTV. Peter Sellers. When Peter Sellers died I felt such a loss, thinking, There won't be anymore of that. There's some Steve Martin in my false bravado with female guests: "Why, hel-lo there!" And I won't deny having some Letterman in my bones.
Playboy: You were surprise as Letterman's successor. At first you seemed like the wrong choice. O'Brien: I didn't get ratings. That doesn't mean I didn't get laughs. Yes, I had a giant pompadour and I looked like a rockabilly freak. I was too excited, pushed too hard, and people said, "That guy isn't a polished performer." Fine! But it isn't my goal to be Joe Handsomehead cool, smooth talk show host. Late Night with Conan O'Brien is supposed to be a work in progress, and now that we've had some success there's a danger of our getting too polished and morphing into something smoothly professional. Which would suck.
Do you know why I wanted this show? Because Late Night with David Letterman played with the rules and it looked like fun. Here was a place where people did risky comedy every night for millions of people. We had to keep this thing alive. There should be a place on a big network where people are still messing around.
Playboy: How bad were your early days on the show? O'Brien: Bad. Dave left here under a cloud: his fans and the media were angry with NBC. Then NBC picks a guy with crazy hair and a weird name. And the world says, "Harvard? Those guys are assholes." I sincerely hope that the winter of December 1993, our first winter, was the worst time I will ever have. I'd go out to do the warm up and the back two rows of seats would be empty. That's hard to look at. I would tell a joke and then hear someone whisper, "Who's he? Where's Dave?"
Playboy: You had trouble getting guests. O'Brien: Bob Denver canceled on us. We shot a test show with Al Lewis of The Munsters. We did the clutch cargo thing with a photo of Herman Munster. Unfortunately, Fred Gwynne, who played Herman, had recently died, and Al Lewis kept pointing at the screen, saying, "You're dead! I was at your funeral!"
Playboy: For months you got worried notes from network executives. What did they say? O'Brien: They were worried. The fact that Lorne Michaels was involved bought me some time. But Lorne had turned to me at the start and said, "OK, Conan. What do you want to do?" Now television critics were after me and the network was starting to realize what a risk I was. Suggestions came fast and furious. I kept the note that said, "Why don't you just die?"
Playboy: Did they suggest ways to be funnier? O'Brien: They were more specific and tactical. The network gets very specific data. Say there was a drop in ratings between 12:44 and 12:48 when I was talking to Jon Bon Jovi. I'll be told, "Don't ever talk to him again" Or they'll want me to tease viewers into staying with us: "You should tease that -- say, 'We'll have nudity coming up next!'"
Playboy: You did come close to being cancelled. O'Brien: We were cancelled.
Playboy: Really? You have never admitted that. O'Brien: This is the first time I've talked about it. When I had been on for about a year, there was a meeting at the network. They decided to cancel my show. They said, "It's cancelled." Next day they realized they had nothing to put in the 12:30 slot, so we got a reprieve.
Playboy: Were you worried sick? O'Brien: I went into denial. I tried hard not to think, Yes, I'm bad on the air and my show has none of the things a TV show needs to survive. We had no ratings. No critics in our corner. Advertisers didn't like us. Affiliates wanted to drop us. Sometimes I'd meet a programming director from a local station where we had no rating at all. The guy would show me a printout with no number for Late Night's rating, just a hash mark or pound sign. I didn't dare think about that when I went out to do the show.
Playboy: Are you defending denial? O'Brien: How else does anyone get through a terrible experience? The odds were against me. Rationally, I didn't have much chance. Denial was my only friend. When I look back on the first year, it's like a scene from an old war movie: Ordinary guy gets thrown into combat, somehow beats impossible odds, staggers to safety. His buddy say, "You could have been killed!" The guy stops and thinks. "Could have been killed?" he says. His eyes cross and he faints.
Playboy: How did you dodge the bullet? O'Brien: There were people at NBC who stood up for me. I will always be indebted to Don Ohlmeyer, who stuck to his guns. Don said, "We chose this guy. We should stick with him unless we get a better plan." He was brutally honest. He came to me and said, "Give me about a 15 percent bump in the ratings and you'll stay on the air. If not, we're going to move on."
Playboy: Ohlmeyer started his career in the sports division. O'Brien: Exactly, his take was, "You're on our team." Of course, it wasn't exactly rational of Don to hope I'd be 15 percent funnier. It was like telling a farmer, "It better rain this week or we'll take your farm away."
Playboy: What did you say to Ohlmeyer? O'Brien: There wasn't time. I had to go out and do a monologue. But I will always be indebted to Don because he told me the truth. Wait a minute -- you have tricked me into talking lovingly about an NBC executive. Let me say that there were others who were beneath contempt -- executives who wouldn't know a good show if it swam up their asses and lit a campfire.
Playboy: Finally the ratings went your way. Hard work rewarded? O'Brien: Well, I also paid off the Nielsen people. That was $140,000 well spent.
Playboy: Ohlmeyer plus bribery saved you? O'Brien: There was something else. Just when everyone was kicking the crap out of the show, Letterman defended me.
Playboy: Letterman had signed off on NBC saying, "I don't really know Conan O'Brien, but I heard he killed someone." O'Brien: Then I pick up the paper and he's saying he thinks I am going to make it. "They do some interesting, innovative stuff over there," he says. "I think Conan will prevail." And then he came on as a guest. Remember, this was when we were at our nadir. There was no Machiavellian reason for David Letterman, who at the time was the biggest thing in show business, to be on my show.
Playboy: Why did he do it? O'Brien: I'm still not sure. Maybe out of a sense of honor. Fair play. And it woke me up. It made me think. Hey, we have a real fucking television show here.
Of six or seven pivotal points in my short history here, that was the first and maybe the biggest. I wouldn't be sitting here -- I probably wouldn't even exist today -- if he hadn't done our show.
Playboy: The Late Night wars were hardly noted for friendly gestures. O'Brien: How little you understand. Jay, Dave and I pal around all the time. We often ride a bicycle built for three up to the country. "Nice job with Fran Drescher!" "Thanks, pal. You weren't so bad with John Tesh." We sleep in triple-decker bunk beds and snore in unison like the Three Stooges.
Playboy: You talk more about Letterman than your NBC teammate Leno. O'Brien: I hate the "Leno or Letterman, who's better?" question. I can tell you that Jay has been great to me. He calls me occasionally.
Playboy: To say what? O'Brien: (Doing Leno's voice) "Hey, liked that bit you did last night." Or he'll say he saw we got a good rating. I call him at work, too. It can be a strange conversation because we're so different. Jay, for instance, really loves cars. He's got antique cars with kerosene lanterns, cars that run on peat moss. He'll be telling me about some classic car he has, made entirely of brass and leather, and I'll say, "Yeah, man, I got the Taurus with the vinyl." One thing we have in common is bad guests. There are certain actors, celebrities with nothing to say, who move through the talk show world wreaking havoc. They lay waste to Dave's town and Jay's town, then head my way.
Playboy: You must be getting some good guests. Your ratings have shown a marked improvement. O'Brien: Remember, when you're on at 12:30 the Nielsens are based on 80 people. My ratings drop if one person has a head cold and goes to bed early.
Playboy: Actually, you're seen by about 3 million people a night. Your ratings would be even higher if college dorms weren't excluded from the Nielsens. How many points does that cost you? O'Brien: I told you I'm an idiot. Now I have to do math too?
Playboy: Do you still get suggestions from NBC executives? O'Brien: Not as many. The number of notes you get is inversely proportional to your ratings.
Playboy: What keeps you motivated? O'Brien: Superstition. We have a stagehand, Bobby Bowman, who holds up the curtain when I run out for the monologue. He is the last person I see before the show starts, and I have to make him laugh before I go out. It started with mild jabs: "Bobby, you're drunk again." Bobby laughs, "Heehee."" Then it was, "Still having trouble with the wife, Bobby?" But after hundreds of shows, you find yourself running out of lines. It's gotten to where I do crass things at the last second. I'll put his hand on my ass and yell, "You fucking pervert!" Or drop to my knees and say, "Come on, Bobby, I'll give you a blow job!"
"Ha-ha. Conan, you're crazy," he says. But even that stuff wears off. Soon, I'll be making the writers work late to give me new jokes for Bobby.
Playboy: Did you plan to be a talk show host or did you fall into the job? O'Brien: I was an Irish Catholic kid from St. Ignatius parish in Brookline, outside of Boston. And that meant: Don't call attention to yourself. Don't ask for too much when the pie comes around. Don't get a girl pregnant and fuck up your life.
Playboy: Were you an alter boy? O'Brien: I wanted to be an alter boy, but the priest at St. Ignatius said, "No, no. You're good on your feet, kid," and made me a lector. A scripture reader at Mass. He was the one who spotted my talent.
Playboy: What did you think of sex in those days? O'Brien: I was sexually repressed. At 16 I still thought human reproduction was by mitosis.
Playboy: How did you get over your sexual repression? O'Brien: Who says I got over it? My leg has been jiggling this whole time.
Playboy: What were you like in high school? O'Brien: Like a crane galumphing down the hall. A crane with weird hair, bad skin and Clearasil. Big enough for basketball but lousy at it. My older brothers were better. I would compensate by running around the court doing comedy, saying, "Look out, this player has a drug addiction. He's incredibly egotistical."
I was an asshole at home, too. My little brother Justin loved playing cops and robbers, but I kept tying him up with bureaucratic bullshit. When he'd catch me, I'd say, "I get to call my lawyer." Then it was, "OK, Justin, we're at trial and you've been charged with illegal arrest. Fill out these forms in triplicate." Justin was eight; he hated all the lawsuits and countersuits. He just cried.
Playboy: Were you a class clown? O'Brien: Never. I was never someone who walked into a room full of strangers and started telling jokes. You had to get to know me before I could make you laugh. The same thing happened with Late Night. I needed to get the right rhythm with Andy and Max and the audience.
Playboy: So how did you finally learn about sex? O'Brien: My parents gave me a book, but it was useless. At the crucial moment, all it showed was a man and a woman with the bed covers pulled up to their chins. I tried to find out more from friends, but it didn't help. One childhood friend told me it was like parking a car in a garage. I kept worrying about poisonous fumes. What if the fumes build up? Should you shut off the engine?
Playboy: For all your talk about being repressed, you can be rowdy on the air. O'Brien: The show is my escape valve. When I tear off my shirt and gyrate my pelvis like Robert Plant, feigning orgasm into the microphone, that shows how repressed I am -- a guy who wants to push his sex at the lens but can only do it as a joke.
Playboy: Aren't you tempted to live it up? O'Brien: I always imagined that if I were a TV star I would live the way I pictured Johnny Carson living. Carousing, stepping out of a limo wearing a velvet ascot with a model on my arm. Now that I have the TV show, I drive up to Connecticut on the weekends and tool around in my car. I could probably join a free-sex cult, smoke crack between orgies and drive sports cars into swimming pools, and my Catholic guilt would still be there, throbbing like a toothache. Be careful. If something good happens, something bad is on the way.
Playboy: Yet you don't mind licking the supermodels. O'Brien: At one point a few of them lived in my building, women who are so beautiful they almost look weird, like aliens. To me, a woman who has a certain approachable amount of beauty becomes almost funny. It's the same with male supermodels. They look like big puppets. So while I admire their beauty I probably won't be "romantically linked" with a model. I'd catch my reflection in a ballroom mirror and break up laughing.
Playboy: The horny Roy Orbison growl you use on gorgeous guests sounds real enough -- O'Brien: Oh, I've been doing that shit since high school. It just never worked before.
Playboy: Your father is a doctor, your mother an attorney. What do they think of their son the comedian? O'Brien: My dad was the one who told me denial was a virtue. "Denial is how people get through horrible things," he said. He also cut out a newspaper article in which I said I was making money off something for which I should probably be treated. So true, he thought. But when I got an Emmy for helping write Saturday Night Live, my parents put it on the mantel next to the crucifix. Here's Jesus looking over, saying, "Wow, I saved mankind from sin, but I wish I had an Emmy."
Playboy: Ever been in therapy? O'Brien: Yes. I don't trust it. I have told therapists that I don't particularly want to feel good. "Repression and fear, that's my fuel." But the therapists said that I had nothing to worry about. "Don't worry Conan you will always be plenty fucked up."
Playboy: When a female guest comes out, how do you know whether to shake her hand or kiss her? Is that rehearsed O'Brien: No, and it's awkward. If you go to shake her hand and her head starts coming right at you, you have to change strategy fast. I have thought about using the show to make women kiss me, but that would probably creep out the people at home. I decided not to kiss Elton John.
Playboy: Do you get all fired up if Cindy Crawford or Rebecca Romijn does the show? O'Brien: I like making women laugh. Always have, ever since I discovered you can get girls' attention by acting like an ass. That's one of the joys of the show -- I'm working my eyebrows and going grrr and she's laughing, the audience is laughing. It's all a big put-on and I'm thinking. This is great. Here is a beautiful woman who has no choice but to put up with this shit.
But it's not always put on. Sometimes they flirt back. Sometimes there's a bit of chemistry. That happened with Jennifer Connelly of The Rocketeer.
Playboy: One guest, Jill Hennessy, took off her pants for you. Then you removed yours. Even Penn and Teller took off their pants. O'Brien: Something comes over me. It happened with Rebecca Romijn -- I was practically climbing her. Those are the times when Andy and the audience seem to disappear and it's just me and this lovely woman sitting there flirting. I keep expecting a waiter to say, "More wine, Monsieur?"
Playboy: Would you lick the wine bottle? O'Brien: It's true, there's a lot of licking on the show. I have licked guests. I have licked Andy. Comedy professionals will read this and say, "Great work, Conan. Impressive." But I have learned that if you lick a guest, people laugh. If I pick this shoe off the floor, examine it, Hmmm, and then lick it, people laugh. I learned this lesson on The Simpsons, where I was the writer who was forever trying to entertain the other writers. I still try desperately to make our writers laugh, which is probably a sign of sickness since they work for me now. Licking is one of those things that look funny.
Playboy: Johnny Carson never licked Ed McMahon. O'Brien: We are much more physical and more stupid than the old Tonight Show. Even in our offices before the show there's always some writer acting out a scene crashing his head through my door. A behind-the-scenes look at our show might frighten people.
Playboy: One night you showed a doctored photo of Craig T. Nelson having sex with Jerry Van Dyke. Did they complain about it? O'Brien: I haven't heard from them. Of course I'm blessed not to be a part of the celebrity pond. I have a television show in New York, an NBC outpost. I don't run with or even run into many Hollywood people.
Playboy: You also announced that Tori Spelling has a penis. O'Brien: I did not. Polly the Peacock said that.
Playboy: Another character you use to say the outrageous stuff. O'Brien: Polly is not popular with the network.
Playboy: You mock Fabio, too. O'Brien: If he sues me, it'll be the best thing that ever happened. A publicity bonanza: Courtroom sketches of Fabio with his man-boobs quivering, shaking his fist, and me shouting at him across the courtroom. I'm not afraid of Fabio. He knows where to find me. I'm saying it right here for the record: Fabio, let's get it on.
Playboy: Ever have a run-in with an angry celeb? O'Brien: I did a Kelsey Grammar joke a few years ago, something about his interesting lifestyle, then heard through the network that he was upset. He had appeared on my show and expected some support. At this point my intellect says, "Kelsey Grammar is a public figure. I was in the right." Then I saw him in an airport. Kelsey didn't see me at first: I could have kept walking. But there he was, eating a cruller in the airport lounge. I thought I should go over. I said hello and then said, "Kelsey, I'm sorry if I upset you." And he was glad. He looked relieved. He said, "Oh, that's OK." We both felt better.
....See my other post with the last third of the interview
submitted by redlight886 to conan [link] [comments]
A candid conversation with the preppie prince of "Late Night" about his rocky start, his show's secret one-day cancellation and how David Letterman saved the day.
He was polite. He was funny. He gave us a communicable disease.
At 34 Conan O'Brien is hotter than the fever he was running when we met in his private domain above the "Late Night" sound stage. A gangly freckle-faced ex-high school geek he is "one of TV's hottest properties" according to "People" magazine. The host of "Late Night With Conan O'Brien" has become his generation's king of comedy.
Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown. Congested too, but O'Brien has far more to worry about than his head cold. A perfectionist who broods over one bad minute in an otherwise perfect hour of TV, he worries he might be anhedonic, "I have trouble with success," he says, "I was raised to believe that if something good happens something bad is coming." Sure things look good now "Rolling Stone" calls "Late Night" "the hottest comedy show on TV." Ratings are better than ever, particularly among 18- to 34-year-olds, the viewers advertisers crave.
But O'Brien only works harder. Despite his illness he taped two shows in 26 hours on three hours' sleep. He smoothly interviewed Elton John then burst into coughing fits during commercials. Later in his crammed corner office overlooking Manhattan traffic Conan the Cool gulped Dayquil gel caps. He coughed spewing microbes.
"Sorry, sorry," he said. Of course O'Brien can't complain. He came seriously close to falling to being banished behind the scenes as just another failed talk show host.
At his first "Late Night" press conference he corrected a reporter who called him a relative unknown, "Sir I am a complete unknown," he said. That line got a laugh, but soon O'Brien looked doomed. His September 13, 1993 debut began with O'Brien in his dressing room preparing to hang himself only to be interrupted by the start of his show. Before long his career was hanging by a thread. Ratings were terrible. Critics hated the show. Tom Shales of "The Washington Post" called it as "lifeless and messy as roadkill." Shales said O'Brien should quit.
Network officials held urgent meetings discussing the Conan O'Brien debacle. Should they fire him? How should they explain their mistake?
In the end of course he turned it around. The network hung with him long enough for the ratings to improve and the host of the cooler-than-ever "Late Night" now defines comedy's cutting edge just as Letterman did ten years ago.
Even Shales loves "Late Night" these days. He calls O'Brien's turnaround "one of the most amazing transformations in television history."
O'Brien was born on April 18, 1963 in Brookline, Massachusetts. His father, a doctor, is a professor at Harvard Medical School. His mother, a lawyer, is a partner at an elite Boston Law firm. Conan, the third of six children became a lector at church and a misfit at school. Tall and goofy, bedeviled with acne, he tried to impress girls with jokes. That plan usually bombed, but O'Brien eventually found his niche at Harvard where he won the presidency of the "Harvard Lampoon" in 1983 and again in 1984 - the first two-time "Lampoon" president since humorist Robert Benchley held the honor 85 years ago.
After graduating magna cum laude with a double major in literature and American history he turned pro. Writing for HBO's "Not Necessarily The News." O'Brien was earning $100,000 a year before his 24th birthday. But writing was never enough.
He honed his performance skills with the Groundlings, a Los Angeles improv group. There he worked with his onetime girlfriend Lisa Kudrow, now starring on "Friends." But Conan was not such a standout. In 1988 he landed a job at "Saturday Night Live" - but as a writer, not as on-air talent. In almost four years on the show O'Brien made only fleeting appearances, usually as a crowd member or security guard. His writing was more memorable. He wrote (or co-wrote) Tom hanks' "Mr Short-Term Memory" skits as well as the "pump you up" infosatire of Hanz and Franz and the nude beach sketch in which Matthew Broderick and "SNL" members played nudists admiring one another's penises. With dozens of mentions of the word that hit was the most penis-heavy moment in TV history. It helped O'Brien win an Emmy for comedy writing.
In 1991 he quit "SNL" and moved on to "The Simpsons" where he worked for two years. His urge to perform came out in wall-bouncing antics in writers' meetings. "Conan makes you fall out of your chair" said "Simpsons" creator Matt Groening. O'Brien's yen to act out was so strong that he spurned Fox's reported seven-figure offer to continue as a writer. He was driving for the spotlight.
By then David Letterman had announced he was turning shin - leaving NBC taking his ton-rated act to CBS. Suddenly NBC was up a creek without a host. The network turned to Lorne Michaels, O'Brien's "Saturday Night Live" boss. Michaels enlisted Conan's help in the host search planning to use him in a behind-the-scenes job. But when Garry Shandling, Dana Carvey and almost every other star turned down the chore of following Letterman, Michaels finally listened to Conan's crazy suggestion, "Let me do it!" Michaels persuaded the network to entrust it's 12:30 slot which Letterman had turned into a gold mine to an untested wiseass from Harvard.
O'Brien was working on one of his last "Simpsons" episodes when he got the news. He turned "paler than usual," Groening recalled. The Conan moseyed back to where the other writers were working, "I'll come back with the Homer Simspon joke later. I have to go replace Letterman," he said.
NBC executives now get credit for their foresight during those dark days of 1993 and 1994. They snared the axe and now reap the multimillion-dollar spoils of that decision. In fact, the story is not so simple. We sent Contributing Editor Kevin Cook to unravel the tale of O'Brien's survival, which he tells here for the first time. Cook reports:
"His office is chock-full of significa. There's a three-foot plastic pickle the Letterman staff left behind in 1993 - perhaps to suggest what a predicament he was in. There's a copy of Jack Paar's 'I Kid You Not' and a coffee-table book called 'Saturday Night Live: The First 20 Years.' His bulletin board features letters from fans such as John Watters and Bob Dole and an 8" x 10" glossy of Andy Richter with the inscription: "To Conan - Your bitter jealousy warms my black heart. Love and Kisses Andy."
"Of course it's all for show. From the photos of kitch icons Adam West and Robert Stack to the framed Stan Laurel autograph, from the deathbed painting of Abraham Lincoln, to the ironic star taped to Conan's door - they're all clever signals that tell a visitor how to view the star. Lincoln was his collegiate preoccupation: stardom is his occupation. Somewhere between the two I hoped to find the real O'Brien.
"As a Playboy reader he wanted to give me a better-than-average interview. I wanted something more - a definitive look at the guy who may end up being the Johnny Carson of his generation."
"Here's hoping we succeeded. If not I carried his germs 3000 miles and infected dozens of Californians for no good reason.
O'Brien: Yes, this is how to do a Playboy Interview -- completely tanked on cold medicine. I'll pick it up and read, "Yes, I'm gay."
Playboy: We could talk another time. O'Brien: (coughing) No, it's OK. I memorized Dennis Rodman's answers. Can I use them?
Playboy: You sound really sick. Do you ever take a day off? O'Brien: No. The age of talk show hosts taking days off is over. Johnny Carson could go to Africa when he was the only game in town -- "See you in two weeks!" But nobody does that now. I will give you a million dollars on the first day Jay takes off for illness.
Playboy: Do you ever slow down and enjoy your success? O'Brien: If anything, the pace is picking up. Restaurateurs insist on giving me a table even if I'm only passing by, so I'm eating nine meals a night. Women stop me on the street and hand me their phone numbers.
Playboy: So you have groupies? O'Brien: Oh yes. And other fans. Drifters. Prisoners. Insomniacs. Cab Drivers, who must watch a lot of late night TV, seem to love me lately. They keep saying, "You will not pay, you will not pay, you make me happy!"
Playboy: How happy did your new contract make you? O'Brien: Terrified. The network said, "We're all set for five years." I said, "Shut up, shut up! I can't think that far ahead." Tonight, for instance, I do my jokes, then interview Elton John and Tim Meadows. We finished taping about 6:30. By 6:45 my memory was erased and my only thought was, Tomorrow: John Tesh. And I started to obsess about John Tesh. Sad, don't you think?
Playboy: Not too sad. You got off to a rocky start but now you're so hot that People magazine recently said, "that was then, this is wow." O'Brien: I try not to pay much attention. Since I ignored the critics who said I should shoot myself in the head with a German Luger, it would be cheating to tear out nice reviews now and rub them all over my body, giggling. Though I have thought about it.
Playboy: Tell us about your trademark gag. You interview a photo of Bill Clinton or some other celeb, and a pair of superimposed lips provide outrageous answers. O'Brien: We call it the Clutch Cargo bit, after that terrible old cartoon series. They saved money on animation by superimposing real lips on the cartoons. I wanted to do topical jokes in a cartoony way -- not just Conan doing quips at a desk. TV is visual; I want things to look funny. But we're not Saturday Night Live; we couldn't spend $100,000 on it. Hence, the cheap, cheesy lips, You'd be surprised how many people we fool.
Playboy: Viewers believe that's really the president yelling, "Yee-haw! Who's got a joint?" O'Brien: It's strange. You may know intellectually that Clinton doesn't talk like Foghorn Leghorn. Ninety-eight percent of your brain knows the president wouldn't say, "Whoa Conan get a load of that girl!" But there are a few brain cells that aren't sure. When Bob Dole was running for president we had him doing a past-life regression: "My cave, get away." And then back further, "Must form flippers to crawl on to rocky soil," he says. There may be people out there who believe that Bob Dole was the first amphibian.
Playboy: Do you ever go too far? O'Brien: The fun is in going too far. It's a nice device because you get Bill Clinton to do the nastiest Bill Clinton jokes. We'll have Clinton making fart noises while I say "Sir! Please!"
Playboy: Are you enjoying your job now, with your new success? O'Brien: Well, there are surprises. I hate surprises. Like most comics, I'm a control freak. But I am learning that the show works best when things are out of control. Tonight I ask Elton John if he likes being neighbors with Joan Collins. He says he isn't neighbors with Joan Collins. He lives next door to Tina Turner. So I panic -- huge mistake! But Elton saves the day. "Joan Collins, Tina Turner, it doesn't matter. Either way I could borrow a wig," he says. Huge laugh, all because I fucked up. Later he surprised me by blurting out that he's hung like a horse. The camera cuts to me shaking my head: That crazy Elton. What can I do? Of course, I'm delighted that he went too far.
Playboy: That "What can I do?" look resembles a classic take of Jack Benny's. O'Brien: There's an old saying in literature: "Good poets borrow; great poets steal." I think T.S. Eliot stole it from Ezra Pound. Comics steal, too. Constantly. When I watched Johnny Carson, I noticed that he got a few takes from Benny and Bob Hope. When a comedy writer told me how much Woody Allen had borrowed from Hope, I thought, What? They're nothing alike. Then I went back and watched Son of Paleface, and there's Hope, the nervous city guy backing up on his heels, wringing his hands and saying, "Sorry, I'll just be moving along." Now look at early Woody Allen. You see big authority figures and Woody nervously saying, "Look, I'll just be on my way." Of course Woody made it his own, but he must have watched and loved Bob Hope.
Playboy: Who are your role models? O'Brien: Carson. Woody Allen. SCTV. Peter Sellers. When Peter Sellers died I felt such a loss, thinking, There won't be anymore of that. There's some Steve Martin in my false bravado with female guests: "Why, hel-lo there!" And I won't deny having some Letterman in my bones.
Playboy: You were surprise as Letterman's successor. At first you seemed like the wrong choice. O'Brien: I didn't get ratings. That doesn't mean I didn't get laughs. Yes, I had a giant pompadour and I looked like a rockabilly freak. I was too excited, pushed too hard, and people said, "That guy isn't a polished performer." Fine! But it isn't my goal to be Joe Handsomehead cool, smooth talk show host. Late Night with Conan O'Brien is supposed to be a work in progress, and now that we've had some success there's a danger of our getting too polished and morphing into something smoothly professional. Which would suck.
Do you know why I wanted this show? Because Late Night with David Letterman played with the rules and it looked like fun. Here was a place where people did risky comedy every night for millions of people. We had to keep this thing alive. There should be a place on a big network where people are still messing around.
Playboy: How bad were your early days on the show? O'Brien: Bad. Dave left here under a cloud: his fans and the media were angry with NBC. Then NBC picks a guy with crazy hair and a weird name. And the world says, "Harvard? Those guys are assholes." I sincerely hope that the winter of December 1993, our first winter, was the worst time I will ever have. I'd go out to do the warm up and the back two rows of seats would be empty. That's hard to look at. I would tell a joke and then hear someone whisper, "Who's he? Where's Dave?"
Playboy: You had trouble getting guests. O'Brien: Bob Denver canceled on us. We shot a test show with Al Lewis of The Munsters. We did the clutch cargo thing with a photo of Herman Munster. Unfortunately, Fred Gwynne, who played Herman, had recently died, and Al Lewis kept pointing at the screen, saying, "You're dead! I was at your funeral!"
Playboy: For months you got worried notes from network executives. What did they say? O'Brien: They were worried. The fact that Lorne Michaels was involved bought me some time. But Lorne had turned to me at the start and said, "OK, Conan. What do you want to do?" Now television critics were after me and the network was starting to realize what a risk I was. Suggestions came fast and furious. I kept the note that said, "Why don't you just die?"
Playboy: Did they suggest ways to be funnier? O'Brien: They were more specific and tactical. The network gets very specific data. Say there was a drop in ratings between 12:44 and 12:48 when I was talking to Jon Bon Jovi. I'll be told, "Don't ever talk to him again" Or they'll want me to tease viewers into staying with us: "You should tease that -- say, 'We'll have nudity coming up next!'"
Playboy: You did come close to being cancelled. O'Brien: We were cancelled.
Playboy: Really? You have never admitted that. O'Brien: This is the first time I've talked about it. When I had been on for about a year, there was a meeting at the network. They decided to cancel my show. They said, "It's cancelled." Next day they realized they had nothing to put in the 12:30 slot, so we got a reprieve.
Playboy: Were you worried sick? O'Brien: I went into denial. I tried hard not to think, Yes, I'm bad on the air and my show has none of the things a TV show needs to survive. We had no ratings. No critics in our corner. Advertisers didn't like us. Affiliates wanted to drop us. Sometimes I'd meet a programming director from a local station where we had no rating at all. The guy would show me a printout with no number for Late Night's rating, just a hash mark or pound sign. I didn't dare think about that when I went out to do the show.
Playboy: Are you defending denial? O'Brien: How else does anyone get through a terrible experience? The odds were against me. Rationally, I didn't have much chance. Denial was my only friend. When I look back on the first year, it's like a scene from an old war movie: Ordinary guy gets thrown into combat, somehow beats impossible odds, staggers to safety. His buddy say, "You could have been killed!" The guy stops and thinks. "Could have been killed?" he says. His eyes cross and he faints.
Playboy: How did you dodge the bullet? O'Brien: There were people at NBC who stood up for me. I will always be indebted to Don Ohlmeyer, who stuck to his guns. Don said, "We chose this guy. We should stick with him unless we get a better plan." He was brutally honest. He came to me and said, "Give me about a 15 percent bump in the ratings and you'll stay on the air. If not, we're going to move on."
Playboy: Ohlmeyer started his career in the sports division. O'Brien: Exactly, his take was, "You're on our team." Of course, it wasn't exactly rational of Don to hope I'd be 15 percent funnier. It was like telling a farmer, "It better rain this week or we'll take your farm away."
Playboy: What did you say to Ohlmeyer? O'Brien: There wasn't time. I had to go out and do a monologue. But I will always be indebted to Don because he told me the truth. Wait a minute -- you have tricked me into talking lovingly about an NBC executive. Let me say that there were others who were beneath contempt -- executives who wouldn't know a good show if it swam up their asses and lit a campfire.
Playboy: Finally the ratings went your way. Hard work rewarded? O'Brien: Well, I also paid off the Nielsen people. That was $140,000 well spent.
Playboy: Ohlmeyer plus bribery saved you? O'Brien: There was something else. Just when everyone was kicking the crap out of the show, Letterman defended me.
Playboy: Letterman had signed off on NBC saying, "I don't really know Conan O'Brien, but I heard he killed someone." O'Brien: Then I pick up the paper and he's saying he thinks I am going to make it. "They do some interesting, innovative stuff over there," he says. "I think Conan will prevail." And then he came on as a guest. Remember, this was when we were at our nadir. There was no Machiavellian reason for David Letterman, who at the time was the biggest thing in show business, to be on my show.
Playboy: Why did he do it? O'Brien: I'm still not sure. Maybe out of a sense of honor. Fair play. And it woke me up. It made me think. Hey, we have a real fucking television show here.
Of six or seven pivotal points in my short history here, that was the first and maybe the biggest. I wouldn't be sitting here -- I probably wouldn't even exist today -- if he hadn't done our show.
Playboy: The Late Night wars were hardly noted for friendly gestures. O'Brien: How little you understand. Jay, Dave and I pal around all the time. We often ride a bicycle built for three up to the country. "Nice job with Fran Drescher!" "Thanks, pal. You weren't so bad with John Tesh." We sleep in triple-decker bunk beds and snore in unison like the Three Stooges.
Playboy: You talk more about Letterman than your NBC teammate Leno. O'Brien: I hate the "Leno or Letterman, who's better?" question. I can tell you that Jay has been great to me. He calls me occasionally.
Playboy: To say what? O'Brien: (Doing Leno's voice) "Hey, liked that bit you did last night." Or he'll say he saw we got a good rating. I call him at work, too. It can be a strange conversation because we're so different. Jay, for instance, really loves cars. He's got antique cars with kerosene lanterns, cars that run on peat moss. He'll be telling me about some classic car he has, made entirely of brass and leather, and I'll say, "Yeah, man, I got the Taurus with the vinyl." One thing we have in common is bad guests. There are certain actors, celebrities with nothing to say, who move through the talk show world wreaking havoc. They lay waste to Dave's town and Jay's town, then head my way.
Playboy: You must be getting some good guests. Your ratings have shown a marked improvement. O'Brien: Remember, when you're on at 12:30 the Nielsens are based on 80 people. My ratings drop if one person has a head cold and goes to bed early.
Playboy: Actually, you're seen by about 3 million people a night. Your ratings would be even higher if college dorms weren't excluded from the Nielsens. How many points does that cost you? O'Brien: I told you I'm an idiot. Now I have to do math too?
Playboy: Do you still get suggestions from NBC executives? O'Brien: Not as many. The number of notes you get is inversely proportional to your ratings.
Playboy: What keeps you motivated? O'Brien: Superstition. We have a stagehand, Bobby Bowman, who holds up the curtain when I run out for the monologue. He is the last person I see before the show starts, and I have to make him laugh before I go out. It started with mild jabs: "Bobby, you're drunk again." Bobby laughs, "Heehee."" Then it was, "Still having trouble with the wife, Bobby?" But after hundreds of shows, you find yourself running out of lines. It's gotten to where I do crass things at the last second. I'll put his hand on my ass and yell, "You fucking pervert!" Or drop to my knees and say, "Come on, Bobby, I'll give you a blow job!"
"Ha-ha. Conan, you're crazy," he says. But even that stuff wears off. Soon, I'll be making the writers work late to give me new jokes for Bobby.
Playboy: Did you plan to be a talk show host or did you fall into the job? O'Brien: I was an Irish Catholic kid from St. Ignatius parish in Brookline, outside of Boston. And that meant: Don't call attention to yourself. Don't ask for too much when the pie comes around. Don't get a girl pregnant and fuck up your life.
Playboy: Were you an alter boy? O'Brien: I wanted to be an alter boy, but the priest at St. Ignatius said, "No, no. You're good on your feet, kid," and made me a lector. A scripture reader at Mass. He was the one who spotted my talent.
Playboy: What did you think of sex in those days? O'Brien: I was sexually repressed. At 16 I still thought human reproduction was by mitosis.
Playboy: How did you get over your sexual repression? O'Brien: Who says I got over it? My leg has been jiggling this whole time.
Playboy: What were you like in high school? O'Brien: Like a crane galumphing down the hall. A crane with weird hair, bad skin and Clearasil. Big enough for basketball but lousy at it. My older brothers were better. I would compensate by running around the court doing comedy, saying, "Look out, this player has a drug addiction. He's incredibly egotistical."
I was an asshole at home, too. My little brother Justin loved playing cops and robbers, but I kept tying him up with bureaucratic bullshit. When he'd catch me, I'd say, "I get to call my lawyer." Then it was, "OK, Justin, we're at trial and you've been charged with illegal arrest. Fill out these forms in triplicate." Justin was eight; he hated all the lawsuits and countersuits. He just cried.
Playboy: Were you a class clown? O'Brien: Never. I was never someone who walked into a room full of strangers and started telling jokes. You had to get to know me before I could make you laugh. The same thing happened with Late Night. I needed to get the right rhythm with Andy and Max and the audience.
Playboy: So how did you finally learn about sex? O'Brien: My parents gave me a book, but it was useless. At the crucial moment, all it showed was a man and a woman with the bed covers pulled up to their chins. I tried to find out more from friends, but it didn't help. One childhood friend told me it was like parking a car in a garage. I kept worrying about poisonous fumes. What if the fumes build up? Should you shut off the engine?
Playboy: For all your talk about being repressed, you can be rowdy on the air. O'Brien: The show is my escape valve. When I tear off my shirt and gyrate my pelvis like Robert Plant, feigning orgasm into the microphone, that shows how repressed I am -- a guy who wants to push his sex at the lens but can only do it as a joke.
Playboy: Aren't you tempted to live it up? O'Brien: I always imagined that if I were a TV star I would live the way I pictured Johnny Carson living. Carousing, stepping out of a limo wearing a velvet ascot with a model on my arm. Now that I have the TV show, I drive up to Connecticut on the weekends and tool around in my car. I could probably join a free-sex cult, smoke crack between orgies and drive sports cars into swimming pools, and my Catholic guilt would still be there, throbbing like a toothache. Be careful. If something good happens, something bad is on the way.
Playboy: Yet you don't mind licking the supermodels. O'Brien: At one point a few of them lived in my building, women who are so beautiful they almost look weird, like aliens. To me, a woman who has a certain approachable amount of beauty becomes almost funny. It's the same with male supermodels. They look like big puppets. So while I admire their beauty I probably won't be "romantically linked" with a model. I'd catch my reflection in a ballroom mirror and break up laughing.
Playboy: The horny Roy Orbison growl you use on gorgeous guests sounds real enough -- O'Brien: Oh, I've been doing that shit since high school. It just never worked before.
Playboy: Your father is a doctor, your mother an attorney. What do they think of their son the comedian? O'Brien: My dad was the one who told me denial was a virtue. "Denial is how people get through horrible things," he said. He also cut out a newspaper article in which I said I was making money off something for which I should probably be treated. So true, he thought. But when I got an Emmy for helping write Saturday Night Live, my parents put it on the mantel next to the crucifix. Here's Jesus looking over, saying, "Wow, I saved mankind from sin, but I wish I had an Emmy."
Playboy: Ever been in therapy? O'Brien: Yes. I don't trust it. I have told therapists that I don't particularly want to feel good. "Repression and fear, that's my fuel." But the therapists said that I had nothing to worry about. "Don't worry Conan you will always be plenty fucked up."
Playboy: When a female guest comes out, how do you know whether to shake her hand or kiss her? Is that rehearsed O'Brien: No, and it's awkward. If you go to shake her hand and her head starts coming right at you, you have to change strategy fast. I have thought about using the show to make women kiss me, but that would probably creep out the people at home. I decided not to kiss Elton John.
Playboy: Do you get all fired up if Cindy Crawford or Rebecca Romijn does the show? O'Brien: I like making women laugh. Always have, ever since I discovered you can get girls' attention by acting like an ass. That's one of the joys of the show -- I'm working my eyebrows and going grrr and she's laughing, the audience is laughing. It's all a big put-on and I'm thinking. This is great. Here is a beautiful woman who has no choice but to put up with this shit.
But it's not always put on. Sometimes they flirt back. Sometimes there's a bit of chemistry. That happened with Jennifer Connelly of The Rocketeer.
Playboy: One guest, Jill Hennessy, took off her pants for you. Then you removed yours. Even Penn and Teller took off their pants. O'Brien: Something comes over me. It happened with Rebecca Romijn -- I was practically climbing her. Those are the times when Andy and the audience seem to disappear and it's just me and this lovely woman sitting there flirting. I keep expecting a waiter to say, "More wine, Monsieur?"
Playboy: Would you lick the wine bottle? O'Brien: It's true, there's a lot of licking on the show. I have licked guests. I have licked Andy. Comedy professionals will read this and say, "Great work, Conan. Impressive." But I have learned that if you lick a guest, people laugh. If I pick this shoe off the floor, examine it, Hmmm, and then lick it, people laugh. I learned this lesson on The Simpsons, where I was the writer who was forever trying to entertain the other writers. I still try desperately to make our writers laugh, which is probably a sign of sickness since they work for me now. Licking is one of those things that look funny.
Playboy: Johnny Carson never licked Ed McMahon. O'Brien: We are much more physical and more stupid than the old Tonight Show. Even in our offices before the show there's always some writer acting out a scene crashing his head through my door. A behind-the-scenes look at our show might frighten people.
Playboy: One night you showed a doctored photo of Craig T. Nelson having sex with Jerry Van Dyke. Did they complain about it? O'Brien: I haven't heard from them. Of course I'm blessed not to be a part of the celebrity pond. I have a television show in New York, an NBC outpost. I don't run with or even run into many Hollywood people.
Playboy: You also announced that Tori Spelling has a penis. O'Brien: I did not. Polly the Peacock said that.
Playboy: Another character you use to say the outrageous stuff. O'Brien: Polly is not popular with the network.
Playboy: You mock Fabio, too. O'Brien: If he sues me, it'll be the best thing that ever happened. A publicity bonanza: Courtroom sketches of Fabio with his man-boobs quivering, shaking his fist, and me shouting at him across the courtroom. I'm not afraid of Fabio. He knows where to find me. I'm saying it right here for the record: Fabio, let's get it on.
Playboy: Ever have a run-in with an angry celeb? O'Brien: I did a Kelsey Grammar joke a few years ago, something about his interesting lifestyle, then heard through the network that he was upset. He had appeared on my show and expected some support. At this point my intellect says, "Kelsey Grammar is a public figure. I was in the right." Then I saw him in an airport. Kelsey didn't see me at first: I could have kept walking. But there he was, eating a cruller in the airport lounge. I thought I should go over. I said hello and then said, "Kelsey, I'm sorry if I upset you." And he was glad. He looked relieved. He said, "Oh, that's OK." We both felt better.
....See my other post with the last third of the interview
2024.05.29 03:08 KingBobaIV 23 [M4F] NYC/Anywhere - Agent Twilight Seeking for Thorn Princess - a Partner in Crime & Love
Calling all love and affection enthusiasts! Agent Twilight, hailing from the clandestine realm of SpyxFamily, embarks on a covert mission to unearth the perfect partner. If you possess the elusive blend of stealthy charm and wit, join forces with Agent Twilight for a romantic espionage adventure! Decode the secrets of our hearts together by applying within.
If you get the reference, I like you already! If you don't, that's okay but I definitely recommend watching SpyxFamily! It's an extremely cute and wholesome anime! On a serious note, falling in love sounds great right about now, okay but like when does it never? Let me go buy you your favorite flowers, get your favorite chocolates, and take you out on a cute, romantic date that will last for the whole day! I will take the time to plan everything out and if it goes great, maybe a second date too? Possibly fall madly in love with each other in the process? Sounds good with you? Bet, let's go!
I'm looking for a potential long-term partner to go on cute dates together, cozy up with some cuddles while we watch movies/shows and just be cute overall together! I'm hoping to meet someone who I can connect and vibe with! Down below is some stuff about me and what I'm looking for in a partner!
Here's a little about myself:
submitted by KingBobaIV to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]
If you get the reference, I like you already! If you don't, that's okay but I definitely recommend watching SpyxFamily! It's an extremely cute and wholesome anime! On a serious note, falling in love sounds great right about now, okay but like when does it never? Let me go buy you your favorite flowers, get your favorite chocolates, and take you out on a cute, romantic date that will last for the whole day! I will take the time to plan everything out and if it goes great, maybe a second date too? Possibly fall madly in love with each other in the process? Sounds good with you? Bet, let's go!
I'm looking for a potential long-term partner to go on cute dates together, cozy up with some cuddles while we watch movies/shows and just be cute overall together! I'm hoping to meet someone who I can connect and vibe with! Down below is some stuff about me and what I'm looking for in a partner!
Here's a little about myself:
- Age: 23
- Height: 5'10"
- Sexuality: Straight
- Gender: Male
- Pronouns: He/Him
- Ethnicity: Chinese American
- Location: New York City
- Zodiac: Aries
- MBTI/Enneagram: ESFP-T & 2w3
- Religion: Agnostic
- Love Language: Quality Time & Physical Touch
- Occupation: Accountant
- Hobbies:
- I love watching all kinds of shows and movies ranging from Netflix/Hulu/Disney+/HBO Max to kdramas and animes! I'm also a huge Star Wars, Harry Potter (I'm in the House of Hufflepuff), MCU, and Studio Ghibili fan too!
- I'm a huge foodie! I love exploring all the restaurants and hidden spots in NYC especially to try out new places which includes dessert and boba spots too! My favorite foods usually start with Asian foods but I'm always open to trying new things! I’m also trying to learn how to cook as well, especially so I can meal prep meals for myself throughout the week.
- I love exploring the city and chilling with friends, however I do like a balance going on adventures around the city/world and relaxing at home.
- I do photography on the side. I specialize in doing portrait, food and film photography! If you'd like to see some of my work please don't hesitate to ask me!
- I'm a gamer as well! I play games like Honkai Star Rail, Azur Lane, Nikke, LoL, TFT, Valorant, , Destiny 2, overwatch 2, Minecraft, etc. but I also own consoles such as the switch!
- I really enjoy building different things especially Lego's, PC's and keyboards! If you want to see some pics or hear about my specs happy to talk about it! I have a massive lego collection plus plenty of unopened sets waiting to be built.
- I’m not exactly sure if this is considered to be a hobby, but I really enjoy going to the gym. I’m not some gym rat or anything, but I am trying to lose weight and get fit so I do a mix of weightlifting and cardio whenever I go which is 5x a week haha. I’ve kept a very consistent M-F schedule for the past month and a half so far so I’m pretty happy about that.
- I don’t really do a whole lot of this, but I however do want to make this a big part of my lifestyle which is having a better skincare routine. While I do have a very minimum skincare routine, I’d very much love to learn how to improve my skin and also fix the scarring and acne I already had. If you’re someone who knows and loves doing skincare, I’d very much love to learn from you!
- I’m not sure if listening to music is considered a hobby, but I love listening to all kinds of music ranging from American pop modern to like kpop and jpop songs! I also really enjoy classical music too! Crazy enough I just started going to concerts last year, mainly because some of them were free for me (perks of my job) but they were super fun!
- I've never been out of the country before but I would love to travel more one day, especially around Asia like South Korea, China, & Japan!
- I was born on Friday the 13th!
- I played piano for about 14 years and plus I also know how to play 3 other instruments too! Can you guess what they are? Also crazy enough, I met this pianist who made song covers on youtube recently and not gonna lie, it blew my mind since i watched their videos years ago.
- I'm a pet owner! I have a dog and 4 cats.
- I know how to solve a 3x3 Rubik's cube and my fastest time was 28 seconds but that was ages ago.
- I really like to collect a lot of cute pins and stickers especially from anime or Asian theme things.
- I’ve met Eric Nam and Ronny Chieng, if you’re Asian, you’ll probably know who they are.
- This is more of a League/Valorant reference for those who play, but I have the Riot Buddy and Riot Fist Bump Ward.
- Personality wise, my friends would describe me as someone who is open-minded, wholesome, sweet, easy to talk to, outgoing, empathetic, trustworthy, etc. I will however let my actions speak for itself though! I'm a great listener as well so if you want to rant/ vent out I'm always here to listen! Honestly though I'm a pretty open person overall so you're always welcome to ask me any questions you wish to know!
- Someone to build a genuine connection with who is willing to reciprocate the time, effort and energy, I'd put in.
- Someone who can be both a best friend and my partner.
- Someone who can grow together with me to become both a better individual but also better partners too.
- Has similar interests and values as I do! (We can discuss this more in depth later) but for example someone who values transparency, open communication, honesty, trust, loyalty, etc.
- Loves and enjoys voice/video chat - I really enjoy having my partner's presence even if we aren’t exactly talking.
- Enjoys the little things in life. Since my love language is quality time, I personally don’t expect to always do something grand whenever we’re together. I’m always more than happy to be doing grocery shopping together or even just run errands.
- Possibly a gym partner. It’d honestly be nice to have a gym partner as well to workout together.
- I'm a huge hopeless romantic and would love to meet someone who is also a hopeless romantic as well! I absolutely love doing all those cute and romantic couple things you'd always see on like Tik Tok, kdramas and/or romance shows/movies! You know things like , going on cute dates together whether that would be dates in the city or dates at home, exploring the city/ world together, trying new things together and overall just making everlasting fun cute memories together that will last a lifetime!
2024.05.29 03:07 HisSunshine3-9 Citrine and Sea
Hello my love. Yet again I come to an end of a very long, exhausting, emotional day. Today is the day they did AC burial for the girl. That was my roommate. They had a celebration of life at a really nice restaurant near the water and then we took a charter boat out to the middle of the Gulf and they spread her ashes and her wreath and some sunflowers for her. It was very sad but it was also very beautiful to watch. You can tell she was loved by so many and past that. Love on to her husband and her daughters and her stepdaughters and pretty much anyone else that she met. It was comforting and eye-opening to listen to their stories of someone that I barely knew. I only got to spend time with her for that brief. We were in the rehab and then I talked to her a lot on Facebook. But I never saw her again. I still have that picture of us that we took together in there and she made me swear. I would never post it. I never did but I kept the picture. I held it together. Pretty good. I guess that's easy to do when you don't really know the person. But I broke down when they let her ashes go in the water. It was very emotional All together. I took a video for them because everyone else was crying and sad so I thought that they might appreciate it in the future. It's weird how you can feel a connection to someone that you barely even know. But everyone crosses our paths or for a reason and every place we are, especially in moments like that are for a reason. I believe I was brought there to represent friendship for her. Most of her friends are in Colorado or California and couldn't make it. The people that were here today were mostly her family. And then I talked to her husband's brother who lives in St. Louis and he's a cop. I may have opened his eyes a little bit for medical marijuana use for his mother and his wife. He is always saying how bad it is and I just, you know me being me, chimed in with all of my advocation for it and saying how well it's worked for me and many others. Maybe I was meant to cross his path and he can take that information out and change their minds. Minds. Who knows?
Before I headed to the celebration of life, I drove all the way down to Gulfport which is past the St. Pete beaches. Because I found a piece of citrine that was absolutely beautiful and the price was right. It even came with a stand. I can't wait to find the perfect place to display it. It's a very deep bold yellow with a hint of orange. It reminds me of pretty sunflowers, but more importantly, it's a giant tribute to your birthstone and I can put it up in the house. It already has tons of energy because I saw a bunch of other pieces online but that is the one that I had to have. It was calling my name and I drove 45 minutes completely out of the way to go grab it. The person I bought it from seems like they have good energy as well. I am still going to cleanse it myself to ward off anything bad that might be attached to it, but the overall feeling makes me super happy and that tells me that it was meant to be.
I had a couple glasses of wine at the celebration of life. They tasted good at the time, but now I am starting to feel a headache coming on. It happens almost every time I drink anything anymore. I just want to get some coffee or smoke something or take some ibuprofen or eat. I'm not really sure which is going to help. Maybe I need a combination of everything combined. I am so tired. I am not used to pulling all of these really long days without getting a nap or without getting a break in between. I just have to make it through one more day. But tomorrow isn't necessarily a long day. It's just going to be a late day because I go in from 2:00 to close. Part of me just wants to say fuck it and not go but I got to get the money while the money is there and I'm losing a day because of Rs graduation on Thursday so that would defeat the purpose of switching days.
Where have you been my love? I hope you are not angry with me for anything. Of course that is me always thinking the worst. I miss you. I hope to hear from you soon. I have A long drive ahead of me before I make it home. You know I will be writing to you again tomorrow. I hope you had a good day and I hope you have sweet dreams. Can't wait to see you in mine again. Always and forever, I love you more.
submitted by HisSunshine3-9 to u/HisSunshine3-9 [link] [comments]
Before I headed to the celebration of life, I drove all the way down to Gulfport which is past the St. Pete beaches. Because I found a piece of citrine that was absolutely beautiful and the price was right. It even came with a stand. I can't wait to find the perfect place to display it. It's a very deep bold yellow with a hint of orange. It reminds me of pretty sunflowers, but more importantly, it's a giant tribute to your birthstone and I can put it up in the house. It already has tons of energy because I saw a bunch of other pieces online but that is the one that I had to have. It was calling my name and I drove 45 minutes completely out of the way to go grab it. The person I bought it from seems like they have good energy as well. I am still going to cleanse it myself to ward off anything bad that might be attached to it, but the overall feeling makes me super happy and that tells me that it was meant to be.
I had a couple glasses of wine at the celebration of life. They tasted good at the time, but now I am starting to feel a headache coming on. It happens almost every time I drink anything anymore. I just want to get some coffee or smoke something or take some ibuprofen or eat. I'm not really sure which is going to help. Maybe I need a combination of everything combined. I am so tired. I am not used to pulling all of these really long days without getting a nap or without getting a break in between. I just have to make it through one more day. But tomorrow isn't necessarily a long day. It's just going to be a late day because I go in from 2:00 to close. Part of me just wants to say fuck it and not go but I got to get the money while the money is there and I'm losing a day because of Rs graduation on Thursday so that would defeat the purpose of switching days.
Where have you been my love? I hope you are not angry with me for anything. Of course that is me always thinking the worst. I miss you. I hope to hear from you soon. I have A long drive ahead of me before I make it home. You know I will be writing to you again tomorrow. I hope you had a good day and I hope you have sweet dreams. Can't wait to see you in mine again. Always and forever, I love you more.
2024.05.29 02:58 Think-Rip-135 AITAH for still being friends with a cheater?
Sorry. English is not my first language.
My wife wants me to stop being friends with my friend Mark. He has been my friend since I've moved here 15 years ago. He is quiet man. He has been here for me when I had no family anymore. He helped get me a job. He has always been the moral one in my friend group. He has calmed down situations that would have ended in violence. He is a good person.
He told me he cheated on his wife. I was shocked because he was always the one to do the right thing. He was crying when he told me. He never cries. I did not agree with his decisions. His wife took him back and has forgiven him. I did not expect this because his wife does not put up with that. I've talked to her and I see why she has decided to work on their marriage and continue. My wife does not agree and wants me to discontinue the friendship. She is worried I will be influenced by him and go and cheat. I don't believe this to be true. There are many factors to consider my friend and I believe he needs another chance to be a good person. Reasons why I think he's not like other cheaters. This is what his wife told me.
1.) He admited everything. He did not blame it on it being an accident. He took full responsibility for his actions. He told his wife everything and was even willing to help her if she decided divorce. He told her it was all his fault, he made a series of decisions that led him to cheat on her and he could have stopped at those points but was a bad man and didn't. Many cheaters I know don't take responsibility. They cheat and cheat and blame others for what they did. He blamed himself.
2.) My friend is very sick. He has schizophrenia. He lives on disability because of it. He did not blame his schizophrenia on his cheating but I believe it played a role. He told me there were times he wanted to confess and tell what he did, but spirits and demons would tell him not too and even give him advice on when and how to cheat. He does not blame his schizophrenia on his cheating because he says he made those decisions before the voices came, but I'm not sure. We did not know he had schizophrenia for a very long time. He was secretive of it and told no one. He said taking the pill for his schizophrenia was a blessing and a curse. He was free of the voices, but he was faced of all the wrong he had done to someone he loves very much.
3.) (I post this with his permission) He was sexually abused when he was younger. He does not consider this a factor but I do. I have seen him turn down woman before (he is good looking and ladies go to him). I have seen one occasion where a lady has touched him innappropiately and he freezes like a statue and is very distraut. He tells me when he was first cheating (he would go to massage parlors for his deeds) it felt very similar to when he was abused. It was both exciting and scary for him and it being wrong was addicting for him. He claims it wasn't abuse, but his wife and I and his therapist all claim he was abused. I think this played a role in his actions.
4.) Since telling of his deeds, he has gone and attended therapy every week to talk about why he did the things he did. They say he has sexual anxiety and other things I do not remember. He is faithful with his work and has been open and honest with his wife about progress and allows her in his work. A cheater would not go to this effort of money and time.
5.) He told his story on reddits before. It did not get any replies but people messaged him about killing himself and he took what they said as reality. He had to go to treatment because he believed they are right. Reddit is not forgiving of cheaters. They will forgive other things but will not forgive cheaters. I do not believe he explained himself well with his post. A real cheater would not have taken what others have said so hard. They would ignore it and continue cheating.
His wife is a wonderful woman. She says she can forgive him because he took responsibility of what he did. There was no evidence of his cheating, she would never have known about it if he hadn't said anything. A cheater would have hidden his secrets for the rest of his life. I have known cheaters before, I have a lot of them in my family. They do not share remorse, he does. He deserves a chance. His wife thinks so too. She is not shy or intimidated woman, she is strong woman.
My friend tells me I should not quarral with my wife over this. He tells me he has done terrible things and understands why she would believe her way. I believe that people can do bad things and work to be better. What is the point of life if you can't make mistakes and learn from them? I do not believe he will do these things again.
AITAH for still being friends with a cheater?
submitted by Think-Rip-135 to AITAH [link] [comments]
My wife wants me to stop being friends with my friend Mark. He has been my friend since I've moved here 15 years ago. He is quiet man. He has been here for me when I had no family anymore. He helped get me a job. He has always been the moral one in my friend group. He has calmed down situations that would have ended in violence. He is a good person.
He told me he cheated on his wife. I was shocked because he was always the one to do the right thing. He was crying when he told me. He never cries. I did not agree with his decisions. His wife took him back and has forgiven him. I did not expect this because his wife does not put up with that. I've talked to her and I see why she has decided to work on their marriage and continue. My wife does not agree and wants me to discontinue the friendship. She is worried I will be influenced by him and go and cheat. I don't believe this to be true. There are many factors to consider my friend and I believe he needs another chance to be a good person. Reasons why I think he's not like other cheaters. This is what his wife told me.
1.) He admited everything. He did not blame it on it being an accident. He took full responsibility for his actions. He told his wife everything and was even willing to help her if she decided divorce. He told her it was all his fault, he made a series of decisions that led him to cheat on her and he could have stopped at those points but was a bad man and didn't. Many cheaters I know don't take responsibility. They cheat and cheat and blame others for what they did. He blamed himself.
2.) My friend is very sick. He has schizophrenia. He lives on disability because of it. He did not blame his schizophrenia on his cheating but I believe it played a role. He told me there were times he wanted to confess and tell what he did, but spirits and demons would tell him not too and even give him advice on when and how to cheat. He does not blame his schizophrenia on his cheating because he says he made those decisions before the voices came, but I'm not sure. We did not know he had schizophrenia for a very long time. He was secretive of it and told no one. He said taking the pill for his schizophrenia was a blessing and a curse. He was free of the voices, but he was faced of all the wrong he had done to someone he loves very much.
3.) (I post this with his permission) He was sexually abused when he was younger. He does not consider this a factor but I do. I have seen him turn down woman before (he is good looking and ladies go to him). I have seen one occasion where a lady has touched him innappropiately and he freezes like a statue and is very distraut. He tells me when he was first cheating (he would go to massage parlors for his deeds) it felt very similar to when he was abused. It was both exciting and scary for him and it being wrong was addicting for him. He claims it wasn't abuse, but his wife and I and his therapist all claim he was abused. I think this played a role in his actions.
4.) Since telling of his deeds, he has gone and attended therapy every week to talk about why he did the things he did. They say he has sexual anxiety and other things I do not remember. He is faithful with his work and has been open and honest with his wife about progress and allows her in his work. A cheater would not go to this effort of money and time.
5.) He told his story on reddits before. It did not get any replies but people messaged him about killing himself and he took what they said as reality. He had to go to treatment because he believed they are right. Reddit is not forgiving of cheaters. They will forgive other things but will not forgive cheaters. I do not believe he explained himself well with his post. A real cheater would not have taken what others have said so hard. They would ignore it and continue cheating.
His wife is a wonderful woman. She says she can forgive him because he took responsibility of what he did. There was no evidence of his cheating, she would never have known about it if he hadn't said anything. A cheater would have hidden his secrets for the rest of his life. I have known cheaters before, I have a lot of them in my family. They do not share remorse, he does. He deserves a chance. His wife thinks so too. She is not shy or intimidated woman, she is strong woman.
My friend tells me I should not quarral with my wife over this. He tells me he has done terrible things and understands why she would believe her way. I believe that people can do bad things and work to be better. What is the point of life if you can't make mistakes and learn from them? I do not believe he will do these things again.
AITAH for still being friends with a cheater?
2024.05.29 02:39 PetSpyke Nightmares Never End - JT Music, Andrea Storm Kaden
 | Lyrics by Musixmatch submitted by PetSpyke to SharingSongs [link] [comments] In the dwindling twilight time is unwinding, lines are blurred Under the guise of a child into your nightmare I've been lured Like a puppet, tied and hung up tightly bound Your strings I've been strung to, I dream that I'd run away from you if my feet could feel the ground Now I'm out of the woods, safe and sound as I board up the doors But once I'm in the clear, and free of all fear, I find that I'm hungry for more The hunt has begun, hold onto your hats, if it isn't knives, it's eyes in your back So whether or not you're friendly with rats, pretend you're a mouse in a house full of cats Pale is the prison they doomеd me to dwell With room for just one, but two in a cеll The dusk is upon us, I knew as it fell That darkness is honest, are you to yourself? With my thoughts are distorted and body dysmorphed into monstrous forms of the awfullest sorts We're locked up with dolls and their hollowed out corpses, all haunted by hunger, the omniscient force So often my reveries are littered with the debris of my hopes and dreams As we all grow to be old and bitter, a tale foretold in broken screens How blinding the glare, your mind is so weak I'd like you to share this nightmare with me I hide in my hood, not to show you my eyes I know that I'll fail with no coattail to ride Mannequin paired with marionette In dissonant discord, our deadly duet We're lost in a lullaby, slumbering away Where sins remain hidden, but rarely they stay It was only in my shadow that I'd finally found a friend 'Till the light that bound us let go and the devil took my hand As she closed my eyes, remind me once again What's the dreamer's lie? "Every nightmare has an end" (Beware the dreamer's lie, every nightmare has an end) (Or you'll be where the dreamers lie, some nightmares never end) I sleep like the dead, nonetheless I am lucid If dreams have a meaning, perhaps I should tune in To the signal that beckons, familiar it seems Be silent, you might see yourself in its beams A knife or a noose is with what you'll be met If you try to play nice and stick out your neck I thrive in the shadows, untrusting of light Be warned if you join me, it's just for a bite I'd rather be lost and lonely 'Cause friends aren't meant to last Thought you finally got to know me But you've only met the mask Sad is my dream where the grass is quite green Turned into a pasture of mesmerized sheep I'd count them, but why should I bother In the end they're all meant to be slaughtered It was only in my shadow that I'd finally found a friend 'Till the light that bound us let go and the devil took my hand As she closed my eyes remind me once again What's the dreamer's lie? "Every nightmare has an end" (Beware the dreamer's lie, every nightmare has an end) (Or you'll be where the dreamers lie, some nightmares never end) (Beware the dreamer's lie, every nightmare has an end) (Or you'll be where the dreamers lie, some nightmares never end) |
2024.05.29 02:07 Fiorella999 S1 Ep8 Rewatch and Discussion
This episode is where some of the best acting is but also where some of the worst writing is. Also we gets the version of the Greens we will be sticking with for the remainder of the show for the first time. Let me delve into some points that will have a lot of intersection with my criticisms from last episode
-The episode starts with Corlys in a coma after offscreen fighting in the Stepstones. Vaemond and Rhaenys discuss the succession of Driftmark if things go for the worst. Like I said previously Vaemond’s actor is absolutely fantastic (if anybody knows of any other movies, shows or plays where his actor or Corlys appear in please let me know). While on my original watch I obviously agreed Luke has no basis to inherit Driftmark I opposed Vaemond trying to get it either, just because by succession rules normally for lords, it would go to a daughter and her descendants before uncle and therefore should go to Baela, though some people in this sub have brought up the argument that maybe as a Valyrian house they have slighty different succession. I absolutely sympathize more with Vaemond on rewatch, though I still get why people might see him as the standard usurping uncle
-We go to Jace who is really trying to learn Valyrian which to his credit does show at least he takes his duty as Prince seriously even if because of bastardy should not be eligible for the throne and unlike say Joffrey from the main series who for all his many faults actually thought he was Robert’s son, Jace clearly knows what’s up, and is actively contributing to his mother’s usurpation attempt
-Rhaenyra and Daemon gets the news of Vaemond’s petition, and discuss how now with Alicent and Otto in power after Viserys increasingly failing health, and Rhaenys holding being a bit upset with them to say the least after everything that has happened, Luke’s legitimacy might be put to question and by extension Jace’s. Am I supposed to feel sympathetic and worried for you? This is all your fault! She left court to the Greens instead of staying and establishing alliances. Again you could have been made Hand and Regent while Viserys was abed and basically start establishing yourself as ruler. Also you not only have obvious bastards which is an insult and makes a joke of House Velaryon while also as Rhaenys put it perfect putting right in the center of a political storm, but you also made her believe that you killed her own son. Any other House would have probably just outright rebelled against you or at least sided with the Greens, but these are the Velaryons, the House that is so powerful it is a Great House in all but name, but yet always playing as the sidekicks to Rhaenyra despite being established as their own power in their own right in the first half of the season. If she hadn’t fake killed Laenor, she might have even convinced Corlys to take Luke as a ward, and actually get him familiar with the sea and Driftmark. I just don’t get how even TB members that like Rhaenyra personally don’t just pull their hair at every horrible decision she does.
-The Blacks arrive back at the Red Keep. The Strong boys get to watch Aemond training with Cole (I just love Luke’s nervous look upon realization). It’s clear after the whole eye incident, that Aemond saw that his own father couldn’t care less and wouldn’t defend him, and that besides his mother he would have to stand on his own and defend himself, and get stronger both physically and mentally. Also again we are shown how more Faith of the Seven imagery is shown with the Greens, with after them getting into power adding in more religious heraldry. Also I love how people point to Alicent and Otto in control as them and their “evil scheming” without taking into note they have basically been running the realm, keeping it stable and prosperity.
-Dyana. This is always a awful point to talk about. Obviously it’s there to make Aegon look bad, at the same time that Aegon would never do this in the books is debatable, as some lines hint at him accosting servants as users like me and natla among others believe, but others interpret it as merely him having a affair with said servants. Still regardless of book canon and show runner intention, it is obvious this is awful. Some people just dismiss it as awful fan fiction, but I feel if you are engaging with the show as most users due, then you have to engage with its canon to an extent for better or worse. I think you can still believe Aegon is not the best person and is incredibly flawed while still believing, he absolutely has the best claim and the realm would be better with him as king. As to Dyana’s longer implications, some people theorize maybe she will turn into the show’s version of Esselyn, despite the moon tea which maybe it’s focus is supposed to either eliminate or highlight that possibility depending on how you see it. I really hope not though.
-Rhaenyra and Daemon visit Viserys, who for all of our opinions on him, is played by amazingly by Paddy who gives it his all this episode and who also the makeup department did fantastic job. We also get introduced to Aegon III and Viserys II. It does make me curious if they will most likely be recasted or if with the king shooting schedule in between seasons they will use them, since a important part is having the kids old enough to where Aegon leaves Viserys while on dragon back during the Gullet causing him great regret down the line, as well as later with him watching his mother being eaten.
-Rhaenyra and Rhaenys talk where in order for her to back Luke’s claim they would do a dual marriage with Jace and Baela and Luke and Rhaena. Now I have already given my opinion on how this change makes Velaryons previous unwavering support make no sense, and how honestly Corlys and Rhaenys would have already pushed for this realistically before. Something that should be noted is his Rhaenyra says “Jace and Baela son will rule”. This is just hilarious. I’m sure the writers just added it without thinking but it just shows how Rhaenyra sees herself as the exception rather than the feminist pioneer many fans make her out to be
-Rhaenyra just the night before the petitions talks to Viserys and of course talks to him about the Song of Ice and Fire. Now this is setup for one of the worst writing decisions ever, but let me just say, despite giving very little screentime with little redeeming qualities to the point Tom had to to ask give them to give his character more, these writers are so insecure about their golden protagonist they literally have to beat us over the head with this stupid prophecy that will lead nowhere in the end just to make her seem more important than she is. It’s bad enough we had 8 seasons worth of buildup that led to utter disappointment, do we really need more retroactive buildup to that end goal? The fans are literally giving you another chance after the Epitome of horrible endings in pop culture, I would think you would want to cultivate that good will and stay away from that reminder not double down on it. It’s honestly so stupid. Mind you with Jace at the wall and the leaks, it’s not going to be any better, so might as well just mentally prepare myself to roll my eyes with this.
-The petition are put into place between Vaemond and Luke. I have previously stated how originally I was against the race change for the Velaryons not out of some “aNti-wOkE” mentality (my opinion is quite the opposite, I think genres like sci-fi and fantasy are enriched by more representation) but because the Strong boys plotline as all about their physical appearance and how it doesn’t match their alleged father and of their house, and I think this change just completely removes any doubt to the point of entering comedic territory. Not only that but I think unintentionally it adds a very weird undertone where the framing is we are rooting the white guy to usurp one of the few if only prominent Black House in the story. I know that isn’t the intention and to be fair the concept of whiteness and race we have in our world doesn’t exist in Westeros, but still the undertone is there and because the framing is for the audience to root for Luke it is quite uncomfortable.
-Viserys walks in to the throne room, and again it is a spectacularly well acted scene by Paddy (how he didn’t get an Emmy I don’t know). While many in the audience will take this especially TB as Viserys standing up one last time for his daughter to defend what is right though, writing wise I analyze more as a poor man literally on the brink of death having to get up to defend her screw up daughter from the consequences of her own actions. Less charitable I know but I feel closer an interpretation to the truth.
-The Greens and the Blacks with Viserys are together for dinner at his insistence. He gives a well acted speech and we see him at his most vulnerable. It’s really nice. I I don’t mind maybe a more vulnerable scene or two between the factions especially before the storm. It’s when Alicent just stands up and says “you will make a great Queen” that I lost it… Again it was a great speech, but unless this is a D&D session, and Viserys that rolled a Nat 20, there should be no reason why Alicent just completely forgets everything that has happened so far. It’s one thing if maybe she finds it in her to forgive any person insults but after what happened to Aemond, that is absolutely ridiculous. I’m one of the main defenders of show Alicent and her more empathetic portrayal, but this is too far. Her just holding her arm and saying she just got here when she was about leave like some old college friend is just mind boggling. Maybe if they developed it over a couple of episodes with years passing in between, I could see how they might reach a more amicable standing if Viserys is still alive but literally after one speech I am supposed to believe all the buildup of the last episodes is a bygone? What a joke, though only second to the following
-Viserys moments before dying in delusion answers Rhaenyra’s question to Alicent about the whole prophecy and she misinterprets it as Aegon being chosen by Viserys. This is beyond stupid. They are basically solving a problem they just created. Why is this necessary? Alicent was already geared up to fight tooth and nail for Aegon’s claim you don’t need this misunderstanding. If you just remove the prior mistake I mentioned with Alicent now congratulating Rhaenyra on being a future Queen, then you wouldn’t need this. This misunderstanding completely undermines the complex legal dispute that this was is based on, and instead becomes a game of “he said, no wait he said”. The trailers already framing it as the Greens fighting because Viserys chose him, but that never the basis for their claim. Viserys could have chosen Butterbumps for all it matters, the eldest male claimant comes next in line. This just frames Aegon’s claim deriving from Viserys will, which obviously Rhaenyra from that standpoint the audience would know the truth. And it doesn’t even matter since next episode we see the Green Council already making preparations to crown Aegon without even knowing of this, so again it’s completely and utterly unnecessary and stupid. I wouldn’t be surprised if this was a last minute change, the writers came up after waking up before coffee and just added without s single second thought. This is clearly the episode that best epitomizes how HOTD strength is it’s acting not its writing. Trust me if we didn’t have talented actors frying the best to make it work it could be far worse but there is only so much they can do with this fanfiction levels of writing.
Listen I try to be positive and respectful, these screenwriters do work hard And again I actually most like show Alicent and think it an improvement over book version, but it’s decisions like this that just GOT season 8 vibes and it literally has just started.
submitted by Fiorella999 to HOTDGreens [link] [comments]
-The episode starts with Corlys in a coma after offscreen fighting in the Stepstones. Vaemond and Rhaenys discuss the succession of Driftmark if things go for the worst. Like I said previously Vaemond’s actor is absolutely fantastic (if anybody knows of any other movies, shows or plays where his actor or Corlys appear in please let me know). While on my original watch I obviously agreed Luke has no basis to inherit Driftmark I opposed Vaemond trying to get it either, just because by succession rules normally for lords, it would go to a daughter and her descendants before uncle and therefore should go to Baela, though some people in this sub have brought up the argument that maybe as a Valyrian house they have slighty different succession. I absolutely sympathize more with Vaemond on rewatch, though I still get why people might see him as the standard usurping uncle
-We go to Jace who is really trying to learn Valyrian which to his credit does show at least he takes his duty as Prince seriously even if because of bastardy should not be eligible for the throne and unlike say Joffrey from the main series who for all his many faults actually thought he was Robert’s son, Jace clearly knows what’s up, and is actively contributing to his mother’s usurpation attempt
-Rhaenyra and Daemon gets the news of Vaemond’s petition, and discuss how now with Alicent and Otto in power after Viserys increasingly failing health, and Rhaenys holding being a bit upset with them to say the least after everything that has happened, Luke’s legitimacy might be put to question and by extension Jace’s. Am I supposed to feel sympathetic and worried for you? This is all your fault! She left court to the Greens instead of staying and establishing alliances. Again you could have been made Hand and Regent while Viserys was abed and basically start establishing yourself as ruler. Also you not only have obvious bastards which is an insult and makes a joke of House Velaryon while also as Rhaenys put it perfect putting right in the center of a political storm, but you also made her believe that you killed her own son. Any other House would have probably just outright rebelled against you or at least sided with the Greens, but these are the Velaryons, the House that is so powerful it is a Great House in all but name, but yet always playing as the sidekicks to Rhaenyra despite being established as their own power in their own right in the first half of the season. If she hadn’t fake killed Laenor, she might have even convinced Corlys to take Luke as a ward, and actually get him familiar with the sea and Driftmark. I just don’t get how even TB members that like Rhaenyra personally don’t just pull their hair at every horrible decision she does.
-The Blacks arrive back at the Red Keep. The Strong boys get to watch Aemond training with Cole (I just love Luke’s nervous look upon realization). It’s clear after the whole eye incident, that Aemond saw that his own father couldn’t care less and wouldn’t defend him, and that besides his mother he would have to stand on his own and defend himself, and get stronger both physically and mentally. Also again we are shown how more Faith of the Seven imagery is shown with the Greens, with after them getting into power adding in more religious heraldry. Also I love how people point to Alicent and Otto in control as them and their “evil scheming” without taking into note they have basically been running the realm, keeping it stable and prosperity.
-Dyana. This is always a awful point to talk about. Obviously it’s there to make Aegon look bad, at the same time that Aegon would never do this in the books is debatable, as some lines hint at him accosting servants as users like me and natla among others believe, but others interpret it as merely him having a affair with said servants. Still regardless of book canon and show runner intention, it is obvious this is awful. Some people just dismiss it as awful fan fiction, but I feel if you are engaging with the show as most users due, then you have to engage with its canon to an extent for better or worse. I think you can still believe Aegon is not the best person and is incredibly flawed while still believing, he absolutely has the best claim and the realm would be better with him as king. As to Dyana’s longer implications, some people theorize maybe she will turn into the show’s version of Esselyn, despite the moon tea which maybe it’s focus is supposed to either eliminate or highlight that possibility depending on how you see it. I really hope not though.
-Rhaenyra and Daemon visit Viserys, who for all of our opinions on him, is played by amazingly by Paddy who gives it his all this episode and who also the makeup department did fantastic job. We also get introduced to Aegon III and Viserys II. It does make me curious if they will most likely be recasted or if with the king shooting schedule in between seasons they will use them, since a important part is having the kids old enough to where Aegon leaves Viserys while on dragon back during the Gullet causing him great regret down the line, as well as later with him watching his mother being eaten.
-Rhaenyra and Rhaenys talk where in order for her to back Luke’s claim they would do a dual marriage with Jace and Baela and Luke and Rhaena. Now I have already given my opinion on how this change makes Velaryons previous unwavering support make no sense, and how honestly Corlys and Rhaenys would have already pushed for this realistically before. Something that should be noted is his Rhaenyra says “Jace and Baela son will rule”. This is just hilarious. I’m sure the writers just added it without thinking but it just shows how Rhaenyra sees herself as the exception rather than the feminist pioneer many fans make her out to be
-Rhaenyra just the night before the petitions talks to Viserys and of course talks to him about the Song of Ice and Fire. Now this is setup for one of the worst writing decisions ever, but let me just say, despite giving very little screentime with little redeeming qualities to the point Tom had to to ask give them to give his character more, these writers are so insecure about their golden protagonist they literally have to beat us over the head with this stupid prophecy that will lead nowhere in the end just to make her seem more important than she is. It’s bad enough we had 8 seasons worth of buildup that led to utter disappointment, do we really need more retroactive buildup to that end goal? The fans are literally giving you another chance after the Epitome of horrible endings in pop culture, I would think you would want to cultivate that good will and stay away from that reminder not double down on it. It’s honestly so stupid. Mind you with Jace at the wall and the leaks, it’s not going to be any better, so might as well just mentally prepare myself to roll my eyes with this.
-The petition are put into place between Vaemond and Luke. I have previously stated how originally I was against the race change for the Velaryons not out of some “aNti-wOkE” mentality (my opinion is quite the opposite, I think genres like sci-fi and fantasy are enriched by more representation) but because the Strong boys plotline as all about their physical appearance and how it doesn’t match their alleged father and of their house, and I think this change just completely removes any doubt to the point of entering comedic territory. Not only that but I think unintentionally it adds a very weird undertone where the framing is we are rooting the white guy to usurp one of the few if only prominent Black House in the story. I know that isn’t the intention and to be fair the concept of whiteness and race we have in our world doesn’t exist in Westeros, but still the undertone is there and because the framing is for the audience to root for Luke it is quite uncomfortable.
-Viserys walks in to the throne room, and again it is a spectacularly well acted scene by Paddy (how he didn’t get an Emmy I don’t know). While many in the audience will take this especially TB as Viserys standing up one last time for his daughter to defend what is right though, writing wise I analyze more as a poor man literally on the brink of death having to get up to defend her screw up daughter from the consequences of her own actions. Less charitable I know but I feel closer an interpretation to the truth.
-The Greens and the Blacks with Viserys are together for dinner at his insistence. He gives a well acted speech and we see him at his most vulnerable. It’s really nice. I I don’t mind maybe a more vulnerable scene or two between the factions especially before the storm. It’s when Alicent just stands up and says “you will make a great Queen” that I lost it… Again it was a great speech, but unless this is a D&D session, and Viserys that rolled a Nat 20, there should be no reason why Alicent just completely forgets everything that has happened so far. It’s one thing if maybe she finds it in her to forgive any person insults but after what happened to Aemond, that is absolutely ridiculous. I’m one of the main defenders of show Alicent and her more empathetic portrayal, but this is too far. Her just holding her arm and saying she just got here when she was about leave like some old college friend is just mind boggling. Maybe if they developed it over a couple of episodes with years passing in between, I could see how they might reach a more amicable standing if Viserys is still alive but literally after one speech I am supposed to believe all the buildup of the last episodes is a bygone? What a joke, though only second to the following
-Viserys moments before dying in delusion answers Rhaenyra’s question to Alicent about the whole prophecy and she misinterprets it as Aegon being chosen by Viserys. This is beyond stupid. They are basically solving a problem they just created. Why is this necessary? Alicent was already geared up to fight tooth and nail for Aegon’s claim you don’t need this misunderstanding. If you just remove the prior mistake I mentioned with Alicent now congratulating Rhaenyra on being a future Queen, then you wouldn’t need this. This misunderstanding completely undermines the complex legal dispute that this was is based on, and instead becomes a game of “he said, no wait he said”. The trailers already framing it as the Greens fighting because Viserys chose him, but that never the basis for their claim. Viserys could have chosen Butterbumps for all it matters, the eldest male claimant comes next in line. This just frames Aegon’s claim deriving from Viserys will, which obviously Rhaenyra from that standpoint the audience would know the truth. And it doesn’t even matter since next episode we see the Green Council already making preparations to crown Aegon without even knowing of this, so again it’s completely and utterly unnecessary and stupid. I wouldn’t be surprised if this was a last minute change, the writers came up after waking up before coffee and just added without s single second thought. This is clearly the episode that best epitomizes how HOTD strength is it’s acting not its writing. Trust me if we didn’t have talented actors frying the best to make it work it could be far worse but there is only so much they can do with this fanfiction levels of writing.
Listen I try to be positive and respectful, these screenwriters do work hard And again I actually most like show Alicent and think it an improvement over book version, but it’s decisions like this that just GOT season 8 vibes and it literally has just started.
2024.05.29 01:50 Juzabro Forge of Darkness Chapter 10 Summary
Chapter 10
Location: On the Road to the Citadel
POV: Risp
Risp observes her Captain, Esthala, berate Esthala's husband, Silann. She is pissed that they attacked the Caravan. He tries to explain that one of the guards recognized them. She says that it doesn't matter if a dozen old soldiers are on a trail. He says it mattered to the Guard, but they are all taken care of. No survivors except the boy who ran off. She tells her husband to go find the child. He says there is no point, he'll be dead soon enough. No water or food. She tells him he should be easy to find then. Silann says he doesn't want to kill a child. Risp pipes in that she will lead a troop to find him if necessary. She mentions that SIlann's troop took a lot casualties and that they shouldn't have. Silann says the guards were veterans and one was Gripp Galas. He says he fell to a spear in his back and that firing the wagons was a mistake. Risp does not like the spouses bickering and thinks it gets in the way of their mission. She asks if Hish Tulla is in her keep. If so, she will likely investigate the smoke. Esthala says no. Esthala tells her to take 6 of her own troops and find the boy. If they encounter anyone from Tulla keep to escort them to the scene.
Risp longs for the day they will be in the citadel looking nobles in their faces. She thinks her and her sisters will be the personal staff under Osserc once he takes command of the Legion. The presence of Gripp Galas was unfortunate. He was a footman to Anomander before he retired. She asks Esthala what he could have possibly been doing guarding a caravan. Esthala asks Silann if he examined Gripp's body or gear. SIlann shakes his head and says the spear unhorsed him and his corpse rolled in a crevasse. Esthala asks if he went down and checked if he was actually dead. He said there was no need, he was covered in gore and the crevasse was bottomless. Risp asks, who's gore? Stating that he was stabbed in the back. She tells Silann to get her the soldier who stabbed him. She wants to know what type of armor he was wearing. Silann says the leader of the Caravan killed that soldier. Risp demands to see the spear. Esthala grabs it first and examines it. Says it might have been chain armor and if it severed the spine he was dead, if not he was just wounded. Silann yells that he fell down a crevasse. Risp asks, fell down or rolled down? She dispatches six more of her troops.
Location: Tulla Keep
POV: Sukul Ankhadu
Sukul summons Rancept, the keeps castellan, to the top of the High Tower and asks if he knows about the smoke. "Rancept, it was said, was the offspring of a drunken woman and a sadly sober boar". His face shows that he brawled a lot and his nose was broken and pushed back giving it the appearance of a pig's snout. He is rumored to be a 1000 years old, but looks older. Rancept says that Lady Hish told them to stay put. She said there is trouble coming. Sukul says, it's here and that the burning smells like hides. Sukul fears that it's Orfantal's caravan that has been attacked and wants to investigate. If it's bandits they need to know. Rancept says they aren't bandits. Sukul says she knows and insults him. She says she wants 15 houseblades and a fist of tracking dogs. He says she'll get one houseblade and Risp. She complains that he's supposed to protect her and he says he will. The one will be him. She questions his ability by saying he barely made it up the stairs. He says he's fine except for the nose she keeps trying not to look at. She says fine let's get a horse. He says they will be on foot.
Location: On the Road to the Citadel
POV: Orfantal
Orfantal is alone with no blanket or fire. He feels nothing like a hero. He still feels that he betrayed his horse. He wishes the bandits had cut him down instead of his horse dying. He is very cold and tired. He decides he is not afraid of the dark and closes his eyes. The cold begins to fade. He is jolted awake by a footfall on gravel nearby. A voice says, "there you are". Orfantal tries to run and falls over. The voice says, "Easy! It's me, old Gripp." Gripp touches his shoulder and feels that he is chilled to the bone. He says he has a camp close. Gripp says he wouldn't have lasted the night and what he did with his horse was a smart move because they would not follow him. He picks Orfantal up and takes him to his camp. Gripp has a wrenched knee and a wounded back, so it takes longer to bring him to camp. Gripp sets him down and puts a blanket over him, then proceeds to rub his skin hard. Orfantal pushes him and curls up in the blanket. Gripp says he can't sleep now. He has to wait until he's warm. Orfantal asks if they fought them off. Gripp replies no. Orfantal says heroes always get stabbed in the back. Gripp says not just heroes, then asks if Orfantal can sew. Orfantal says he's seen the maids doing it. Gripp says he needs some sewing in the morning. He also says he may not wake up and if he doesn't to follow the road East, but to stay off of it.
Gripp says they will be hunted. He tells him to take his story to Anomander. Orfantal asks if he killed anyone. Gripp says two on accident. Orfantal doesn't understand and Gripp says it's better to wound. If they have to take care of wounded they won't be as able to track them. Gripp tells him that Haral did well and bought Orfantal some time. Gripp says it took him a long time to get out of the crevasse. He saw what they did to Haral's body. Gripp says he has burned every face into his brain.
Location: Tulla Keep
POV: Sukul Ankhadu
At the gate of the keep Sukul says that Ribs is all bones. Rancept says he has a tapeworm and that skinny dogs live longer. Ribs is 12 and cross-eyed. Rancept took the sword and spear she brought leaving her only a dagger. They open the gate and Ribs goes out scouting ahead. Sukul is skeptical of his ability. Rancept says Ribs knows what we're about. Sukul asks, How? Rancept shrugs and says he goes on occasion with the dog. He goes to speak with the Deniers in the hills. Lady Hish wants no misunderstandings with them. Sukul says they are bandits, Rancept responds that it's a hard life and to think of it as a road tax. She says it's extortion. Rancept replies, "It's only extortion when someone else is doing it". Ribs is waiting in a clearing and as soon they get there, he takes off on a side trail. Rancept says we aren't taking the main path. He also says that Lady Hish has an arrangement with the Deniers. They keep a watch on the paths not patrolled by the Tulla tax collectors. He tells her they can't talk anymore as night carries voices. Sukul complains. Rancept says they can turn around. He tells her to look at Ribs who is sitting ahead. He says Ribs is telling them that there are strangers in the hills. She follows him quietly but is upset that there isn't more grandeur in this outing.
She was sure that Orfantal was lying dead somewhere ahead. Killed only to keep him silent. Lady Hish had hinted at trouble coming and she knew there were lawless people like her sisters. Her imagination of this night is not matching up with reality and she is tired and wants to stop. Daydreaming she bumps into Rancept. Before she can fall he grabs her and pulls her close. He tells her there are riders ahead and to ask no questions. She starts to speak, but he puts his hand over her mouth and says that they wait for Ribs.
Location: Outside Tulla Keep
POV: Risp
Risp and her 12 soldier party are using hidden trails made by the bandit Deniers. Now that the Hust Forge was paying well for minerals, most Deniers had given up banditry. Mining was more lucrative. She wonders why the Hust are making more weapons. She knew civil war was coming. Hunn Raal says it will be short. They will kill all that oppose them and then Urusander will marry Mother Dark. She covets command of the Wardens once they are folded into the Legion. She thinks Calat Hustain is only commanding them because he is noble and that he is mismanaging them. They come upon an abandoned denier settlement. One of her soldiers says the hills don't feel as empty as they should, and suggest 4 scouts. Risp agrees. They come to the sight of the fired wagons. The sergeant with the feeling points out the crevasse that Gripp went into and he tells her he thinks Gripp rolled. Risp says she will climb down with lanterns to check for Gripp's body.
Location: Outside Tulla Keep
POV: Sukul Ankhadu
Ribs comes back to them and indicates that the Riders are coming from the North and that they aren't bandits. Sukul asks if he knows that from the wagging tail. Rancept says, "That and the drooping left ear." They come to an abandoned village. Sukul asks if this is how Deniers live. Rancept says they used these huts, but that the huts have been here for 5000 years at least. He says about a dozen horses went through here going towards the ambush and that they can take a different trail to go opposite of it. Rancept goes to one of the huts and says there is a passageway. Ribs is a bit scared. Roots have grown across the portal and Sukul wonders how there are roots if there are no trees. Rancept says there is a tree just not in the way you are thinking. Sukul notices that she can see all the details of this place, but that there is no light source. That bothers her. As she gets further in the tunnel, she can't see anything. She comes to an opening and Rancept tells her to stop looking with her eyes. She doesn't know what he means. Rancept says, "This is Dog-Runner magic." She says it's impossible as Dog-Runners aren't this far east. Rancept responds by saying these weren't always Tiste lands. Sukul says Tiste were always here, but that it's not Rancept's fault that he doesn't know that. It's his lack of education. Rancept says, "Dog-Runner magic is all about fire, and earth. Dog-Runner magic fears the sky. Fire and earth, and tree and root. They’re gone from here because the forests are gone."
He says that Deniers have some Dog-Runner blood in them and that they are in a Dog-Runner temple and if she opens her sense she will see that. She asks why Ribs is so scared. Rancept says he has memories of the Ay. He takes her hand and says there is a Dog-Runner witch down here with them. Sukul is alarmed. He says the witch won't bother them, she might be dead, but he thinks she's just asleep. She gives up and asks him to tell her how to see. He says close your eyes. He tells her to picture the cavern and says there are hundreds of large wolf skulls. These are the Ay and they are the reason for the Dog-Runner name. She asks him to describe the witch. He says he thinks she was very powerful. There are offerings to her in the form of jewels and animal teeth. Much of her body has transformed into roots and branches. Her skin is like bark. All the roots they have encountered have come from her. She gasps and says, you cut through them. Rancept says in his ignorance he wounded her. He is very sad about it.
He says the Dog-Runners have heavy facial features, but laugh and cry with ease. They do not understand lying and, "To speak with a Dog-Runner, milady, is to be humbled and to feel blessed". Some Tiste didn't like that. She asks if he believes that she sleeps. He says he believes yes that she is the one. She questions the one. He says Dog-Runners believe that their greatest witch, the dreamer, stayed behind when they left to keep emptiness from the world. Sukul wonders if that is in opposition to Mother Dark. Rancept says that is beyond him. Sukul asks if Rancept is a Denier. He says he doesn't stand against Mother Dark. That's not really an answer, but she knows she shouldn't have asked anyway and apologizes. Rancept asks if she can see what he described. She says yes and, "We stand inside the cavern, like errant thoughts inside a skull." He grabs her hand and says those were not her own words. Sukul says they are in the witch's dream and she is trying to make sense of us. There is danger in this and Rancept says they must leave. She pulls her hand away as she can now see with her eyes closed. She asks if the witch has a name. Rancept says, "she is named Burn. She dreams so that we may live. All of us: Tiste, Dog-Runner, Jaghut, Thel Akai, even the Forulkan. She dreams, to give us our freedom." She asks if he had brought her anything. He says he would have to be a Denier to do that. She reaches for her bag. He tells her to be careful. She takes out a stone from the Dorssan Ryl. For her brother lost in the wars. He says this gesture must not be careless. She may bind Mother Dark to the Sleeping Goddess. He says if she has faith in Mother Dark it will bind them and also the Deniers will be bound to the Tiste.
She asks him why he brought her here. She wants the Truth. He says the Truth is that Tiste schooling is rubbish. She laughs at this. Rancept tells her to put the stone away. He says that burn is a Dog-Runner still and what greater gift could you give her than laughter. She has blessed Sukul. Rancept says she has healed the Sleeping Goddess with her laughter. Rancept is grateful. He says the roots no longer bleed. He takes her hand. They both know she no longer needs guidance, but they are friends now. Sukul says the Deniers need to know of that temple. Rancept says there's no need and that he admits he is a Denier, but doesn't like that word. He says that sharing her dreams he saw a river and that she dreams of it.
Location: Outside Tulla Keep
POV: Risp
Risp is climbing down the crevasse. She knew in her gut that Gripp's corpse wasn't down here. She finds his trail and follows it out. She sees that he is bleeding and has a bad knee. Risp's sergeant tells her he went after the boy from here and says they found a chest in the wagons with the Korlas crest. He says the child was likely a hostage on the way to the Citadel. That is the reason Gripp was here. The boy was to be Anomander's hostage. This is very troubling to Risp. Her sergeant now explains the loyalty and pride of house Korlas and she wonders about his loyalty. He says they have to find Gripp and the boy and make it right. Meaning they need to hang Silann. The boy being a hostage complicates the matter and her soldiers have a healthy fear of Anomander. Risp says she must tell Esthala about this change in plans and that Esthala will have to kill her husband, because he couldn't be trusted to keep his mouth shut. She thinks she'll have to kill this sergeant too.
Location: Outside Tulla Keep
POV: Sukul Ankhadu
Rancept tells Sukul that 3 riders had been dispatched from the party of Legion riders. He says they weren't part of the killing, but they are all Legion and they don't want to be seen. Ribs is curled up warming Sukul's toes and she now has fondness for the dog. Rancept says they will go to the scene and maybe Ribs can tell them something. Sukul says he's just a dog. Rancept responds, "Milady, he’s my dog." Sukul asks if he is a priest of the Deniers. He says there aren't any and Dog-Runners have witches and warlocks called Bonecasters. She asks if they throw bones. He says it's more like transforming bone to wood or bone to stone. He says they gave the Jheleck the gift of Soletaken. Sukul says she hopes that Lady Hish values him. If she doesn't she will steal him and ribs away. He says that's nice, but he will serve Hish until he dies. Something tells her of a deeper love than just a Castellan to his lady. Sukul asks if Ribs is just a dog. Not a Soletaken. Rancept says just a dog. If he was a Soletaken at some point, he forgot and is now just a dog.
Rancept surveys the scene and is more sure that it isn't bandits. Sukul says, "I will never be one for war" Rancept tells Sukul that the dead are just sacks of organs. Once they die, what makes them more is gone. It's best to think this way when confronted with slaughter. Sukul doesn't like this because if you can see animals and people as just sacks then it is much easier to tear them open. She asks Rancept if there is a smaller grave. He says the boy got away at least initially. She says she thinks they need to see if Orfantal is still alive. Rancept is surprised that a hostage would only have these caravan guards. Sukul says there may have been a reason for it. She asks if his nose can be healed. He says the best way is to break it again and he's tried it 6 times.
He goes to the cairns and counts them remembering that Sukul asked him to prepare food for seven people. He says someone else got away. He says ribs can track him, but they aren't equipped for more nights. He suggests that ribs goes on and they return. Sukul says he's just a dog. She says we should not take the road back to the hold. She doesn't want to meet the rider sent there by Risp. She asks if there are any more secret temples. He responds, "Nothing we’d call such, milady."
Location: Outside Tulla Keep
POV: Corporal Renth
Corporal Renth had been given orders from Hunn Raal that no violence was to take place. All plans were on hold. Renth didn't like Raal's plans and had thought about defecting to Anomander's houseblades. He didn't because of his loyalty to Urusander. Renth wasn't bothered by the slaughter or Deniers. They weren't Tiste to him and they worshipped old gods. The highborn were different. They were Tiste. His first group to relay orders to was Esthala. On the way he sees a muddy boy in the middle of his path. Renth asks him if he wants to get run down and tells him to move. The boy says, "I am named Orfantal,’ said the boy, ‘of the House Korlas, and I claim the right of protection.' Renth doubts this and sees a glitter in Orfantal's eyes before he feels a stabbing through his chain. Gripp pulls him off the horse and twists the knife as he pulls it out. He says, for Haral. Renth is confused, but dies.
Location: Outside Tulla Keep
POV: Orfantal
Orfantal is horrified when he sees Gripp spit into the dead man's face. They had seen the rider coming and needing a horse Gripp told him the plan. Orfantal thought they would steal the horse and then pay the man back eventually. Gripp grabs the horses reins and tells Orfantal they would ride to Kharkanas. After seeing the look on Orfantal's face. Gripp gruffly tells him that we are in a civil war now and that is the enemy. Gripp wants them to know it was him who killed Renth and that he was coming for them. He takes out a knife and cuts off the head, then carves his initials into it and tosses it in the middle of the road. Orfantal thinks, "All the heroes are dead. I am lost. We are all lost."
submitted by Juzabro to Malazan [link] [comments]
Location: On the Road to the Citadel
POV: Risp
Risp observes her Captain, Esthala, berate Esthala's husband, Silann. She is pissed that they attacked the Caravan. He tries to explain that one of the guards recognized them. She says that it doesn't matter if a dozen old soldiers are on a trail. He says it mattered to the Guard, but they are all taken care of. No survivors except the boy who ran off. She tells her husband to go find the child. He says there is no point, he'll be dead soon enough. No water or food. She tells him he should be easy to find then. Silann says he doesn't want to kill a child. Risp pipes in that she will lead a troop to find him if necessary. She mentions that SIlann's troop took a lot casualties and that they shouldn't have. Silann says the guards were veterans and one was Gripp Galas. He says he fell to a spear in his back and that firing the wagons was a mistake. Risp does not like the spouses bickering and thinks it gets in the way of their mission. She asks if Hish Tulla is in her keep. If so, she will likely investigate the smoke. Esthala says no. Esthala tells her to take 6 of her own troops and find the boy. If they encounter anyone from Tulla keep to escort them to the scene.
Risp longs for the day they will be in the citadel looking nobles in their faces. She thinks her and her sisters will be the personal staff under Osserc once he takes command of the Legion. The presence of Gripp Galas was unfortunate. He was a footman to Anomander before he retired. She asks Esthala what he could have possibly been doing guarding a caravan. Esthala asks Silann if he examined Gripp's body or gear. SIlann shakes his head and says the spear unhorsed him and his corpse rolled in a crevasse. Esthala asks if he went down and checked if he was actually dead. He said there was no need, he was covered in gore and the crevasse was bottomless. Risp asks, who's gore? Stating that he was stabbed in the back. She tells Silann to get her the soldier who stabbed him. She wants to know what type of armor he was wearing. Silann says the leader of the Caravan killed that soldier. Risp demands to see the spear. Esthala grabs it first and examines it. Says it might have been chain armor and if it severed the spine he was dead, if not he was just wounded. Silann yells that he fell down a crevasse. Risp asks, fell down or rolled down? She dispatches six more of her troops.
Location: Tulla Keep
POV: Sukul Ankhadu
Sukul summons Rancept, the keeps castellan, to the top of the High Tower and asks if he knows about the smoke. "Rancept, it was said, was the offspring of a drunken woman and a sadly sober boar". His face shows that he brawled a lot and his nose was broken and pushed back giving it the appearance of a pig's snout. He is rumored to be a 1000 years old, but looks older. Rancept says that Lady Hish told them to stay put. She said there is trouble coming. Sukul says, it's here and that the burning smells like hides. Sukul fears that it's Orfantal's caravan that has been attacked and wants to investigate. If it's bandits they need to know. Rancept says they aren't bandits. Sukul says she knows and insults him. She says she wants 15 houseblades and a fist of tracking dogs. He says she'll get one houseblade and Risp. She complains that he's supposed to protect her and he says he will. The one will be him. She questions his ability by saying he barely made it up the stairs. He says he's fine except for the nose she keeps trying not to look at. She says fine let's get a horse. He says they will be on foot.
Location: On the Road to the Citadel
POV: Orfantal
Orfantal is alone with no blanket or fire. He feels nothing like a hero. He still feels that he betrayed his horse. He wishes the bandits had cut him down instead of his horse dying. He is very cold and tired. He decides he is not afraid of the dark and closes his eyes. The cold begins to fade. He is jolted awake by a footfall on gravel nearby. A voice says, "there you are". Orfantal tries to run and falls over. The voice says, "Easy! It's me, old Gripp." Gripp touches his shoulder and feels that he is chilled to the bone. He says he has a camp close. Gripp says he wouldn't have lasted the night and what he did with his horse was a smart move because they would not follow him. He picks Orfantal up and takes him to his camp. Gripp has a wrenched knee and a wounded back, so it takes longer to bring him to camp. Gripp sets him down and puts a blanket over him, then proceeds to rub his skin hard. Orfantal pushes him and curls up in the blanket. Gripp says he can't sleep now. He has to wait until he's warm. Orfantal asks if they fought them off. Gripp replies no. Orfantal says heroes always get stabbed in the back. Gripp says not just heroes, then asks if Orfantal can sew. Orfantal says he's seen the maids doing it. Gripp says he needs some sewing in the morning. He also says he may not wake up and if he doesn't to follow the road East, but to stay off of it.
Gripp says they will be hunted. He tells him to take his story to Anomander. Orfantal asks if he killed anyone. Gripp says two on accident. Orfantal doesn't understand and Gripp says it's better to wound. If they have to take care of wounded they won't be as able to track them. Gripp tells him that Haral did well and bought Orfantal some time. Gripp says it took him a long time to get out of the crevasse. He saw what they did to Haral's body. Gripp says he has burned every face into his brain.
Location: Tulla Keep
POV: Sukul Ankhadu
At the gate of the keep Sukul says that Ribs is all bones. Rancept says he has a tapeworm and that skinny dogs live longer. Ribs is 12 and cross-eyed. Rancept took the sword and spear she brought leaving her only a dagger. They open the gate and Ribs goes out scouting ahead. Sukul is skeptical of his ability. Rancept says Ribs knows what we're about. Sukul asks, How? Rancept shrugs and says he goes on occasion with the dog. He goes to speak with the Deniers in the hills. Lady Hish wants no misunderstandings with them. Sukul says they are bandits, Rancept responds that it's a hard life and to think of it as a road tax. She says it's extortion. Rancept replies, "It's only extortion when someone else is doing it". Ribs is waiting in a clearing and as soon they get there, he takes off on a side trail. Rancept says we aren't taking the main path. He also says that Lady Hish has an arrangement with the Deniers. They keep a watch on the paths not patrolled by the Tulla tax collectors. He tells her they can't talk anymore as night carries voices. Sukul complains. Rancept says they can turn around. He tells her to look at Ribs who is sitting ahead. He says Ribs is telling them that there are strangers in the hills. She follows him quietly but is upset that there isn't more grandeur in this outing.
She was sure that Orfantal was lying dead somewhere ahead. Killed only to keep him silent. Lady Hish had hinted at trouble coming and she knew there were lawless people like her sisters. Her imagination of this night is not matching up with reality and she is tired and wants to stop. Daydreaming she bumps into Rancept. Before she can fall he grabs her and pulls her close. He tells her there are riders ahead and to ask no questions. She starts to speak, but he puts his hand over her mouth and says that they wait for Ribs.
Location: Outside Tulla Keep
POV: Risp
Risp and her 12 soldier party are using hidden trails made by the bandit Deniers. Now that the Hust Forge was paying well for minerals, most Deniers had given up banditry. Mining was more lucrative. She wonders why the Hust are making more weapons. She knew civil war was coming. Hunn Raal says it will be short. They will kill all that oppose them and then Urusander will marry Mother Dark. She covets command of the Wardens once they are folded into the Legion. She thinks Calat Hustain is only commanding them because he is noble and that he is mismanaging them. They come upon an abandoned denier settlement. One of her soldiers says the hills don't feel as empty as they should, and suggest 4 scouts. Risp agrees. They come to the sight of the fired wagons. The sergeant with the feeling points out the crevasse that Gripp went into and he tells her he thinks Gripp rolled. Risp says she will climb down with lanterns to check for Gripp's body.
Location: Outside Tulla Keep
POV: Sukul Ankhadu
Ribs comes back to them and indicates that the Riders are coming from the North and that they aren't bandits. Sukul asks if he knows that from the wagging tail. Rancept says, "That and the drooping left ear." They come to an abandoned village. Sukul asks if this is how Deniers live. Rancept says they used these huts, but that the huts have been here for 5000 years at least. He says about a dozen horses went through here going towards the ambush and that they can take a different trail to go opposite of it. Rancept goes to one of the huts and says there is a passageway. Ribs is a bit scared. Roots have grown across the portal and Sukul wonders how there are roots if there are no trees. Rancept says there is a tree just not in the way you are thinking. Sukul notices that she can see all the details of this place, but that there is no light source. That bothers her. As she gets further in the tunnel, she can't see anything. She comes to an opening and Rancept tells her to stop looking with her eyes. She doesn't know what he means. Rancept says, "This is Dog-Runner magic." She says it's impossible as Dog-Runners aren't this far east. Rancept responds by saying these weren't always Tiste lands. Sukul says Tiste were always here, but that it's not Rancept's fault that he doesn't know that. It's his lack of education. Rancept says, "Dog-Runner magic is all about fire, and earth. Dog-Runner magic fears the sky. Fire and earth, and tree and root. They’re gone from here because the forests are gone."
He says that Deniers have some Dog-Runner blood in them and that they are in a Dog-Runner temple and if she opens her sense she will see that. She asks why Ribs is so scared. Rancept says he has memories of the Ay. He takes her hand and says there is a Dog-Runner witch down here with them. Sukul is alarmed. He says the witch won't bother them, she might be dead, but he thinks she's just asleep. She gives up and asks him to tell her how to see. He says close your eyes. He tells her to picture the cavern and says there are hundreds of large wolf skulls. These are the Ay and they are the reason for the Dog-Runner name. She asks him to describe the witch. He says he thinks she was very powerful. There are offerings to her in the form of jewels and animal teeth. Much of her body has transformed into roots and branches. Her skin is like bark. All the roots they have encountered have come from her. She gasps and says, you cut through them. Rancept says in his ignorance he wounded her. He is very sad about it.
He says the Dog-Runners have heavy facial features, but laugh and cry with ease. They do not understand lying and, "To speak with a Dog-Runner, milady, is to be humbled and to feel blessed". Some Tiste didn't like that. She asks if he believes that she sleeps. He says he believes yes that she is the one. She questions the one. He says Dog-Runners believe that their greatest witch, the dreamer, stayed behind when they left to keep emptiness from the world. Sukul wonders if that is in opposition to Mother Dark. Rancept says that is beyond him. Sukul asks if Rancept is a Denier. He says he doesn't stand against Mother Dark. That's not really an answer, but she knows she shouldn't have asked anyway and apologizes. Rancept asks if she can see what he described. She says yes and, "We stand inside the cavern, like errant thoughts inside a skull." He grabs her hand and says those were not her own words. Sukul says they are in the witch's dream and she is trying to make sense of us. There is danger in this and Rancept says they must leave. She pulls her hand away as she can now see with her eyes closed. She asks if the witch has a name. Rancept says, "she is named Burn. She dreams so that we may live. All of us: Tiste, Dog-Runner, Jaghut, Thel Akai, even the Forulkan. She dreams, to give us our freedom." She asks if he had brought her anything. He says he would have to be a Denier to do that. She reaches for her bag. He tells her to be careful. She takes out a stone from the Dorssan Ryl. For her brother lost in the wars. He says this gesture must not be careless. She may bind Mother Dark to the Sleeping Goddess. He says if she has faith in Mother Dark it will bind them and also the Deniers will be bound to the Tiste.
She asks him why he brought her here. She wants the Truth. He says the Truth is that Tiste schooling is rubbish. She laughs at this. Rancept tells her to put the stone away. He says that burn is a Dog-Runner still and what greater gift could you give her than laughter. She has blessed Sukul. Rancept says she has healed the Sleeping Goddess with her laughter. Rancept is grateful. He says the roots no longer bleed. He takes her hand. They both know she no longer needs guidance, but they are friends now. Sukul says the Deniers need to know of that temple. Rancept says there's no need and that he admits he is a Denier, but doesn't like that word. He says that sharing her dreams he saw a river and that she dreams of it.
Location: Outside Tulla Keep
POV: Risp
Risp is climbing down the crevasse. She knew in her gut that Gripp's corpse wasn't down here. She finds his trail and follows it out. She sees that he is bleeding and has a bad knee. Risp's sergeant tells her he went after the boy from here and says they found a chest in the wagons with the Korlas crest. He says the child was likely a hostage on the way to the Citadel. That is the reason Gripp was here. The boy was to be Anomander's hostage. This is very troubling to Risp. Her sergeant now explains the loyalty and pride of house Korlas and she wonders about his loyalty. He says they have to find Gripp and the boy and make it right. Meaning they need to hang Silann. The boy being a hostage complicates the matter and her soldiers have a healthy fear of Anomander. Risp says she must tell Esthala about this change in plans and that Esthala will have to kill her husband, because he couldn't be trusted to keep his mouth shut. She thinks she'll have to kill this sergeant too.
Location: Outside Tulla Keep
POV: Sukul Ankhadu
Rancept tells Sukul that 3 riders had been dispatched from the party of Legion riders. He says they weren't part of the killing, but they are all Legion and they don't want to be seen. Ribs is curled up warming Sukul's toes and she now has fondness for the dog. Rancept says they will go to the scene and maybe Ribs can tell them something. Sukul says he's just a dog. Rancept responds, "Milady, he’s my dog." Sukul asks if he is a priest of the Deniers. He says there aren't any and Dog-Runners have witches and warlocks called Bonecasters. She asks if they throw bones. He says it's more like transforming bone to wood or bone to stone. He says they gave the Jheleck the gift of Soletaken. Sukul says she hopes that Lady Hish values him. If she doesn't she will steal him and ribs away. He says that's nice, but he will serve Hish until he dies. Something tells her of a deeper love than just a Castellan to his lady. Sukul asks if Ribs is just a dog. Not a Soletaken. Rancept says just a dog. If he was a Soletaken at some point, he forgot and is now just a dog.
Rancept surveys the scene and is more sure that it isn't bandits. Sukul says, "I will never be one for war" Rancept tells Sukul that the dead are just sacks of organs. Once they die, what makes them more is gone. It's best to think this way when confronted with slaughter. Sukul doesn't like this because if you can see animals and people as just sacks then it is much easier to tear them open. She asks Rancept if there is a smaller grave. He says the boy got away at least initially. She says she thinks they need to see if Orfantal is still alive. Rancept is surprised that a hostage would only have these caravan guards. Sukul says there may have been a reason for it. She asks if his nose can be healed. He says the best way is to break it again and he's tried it 6 times.
He goes to the cairns and counts them remembering that Sukul asked him to prepare food for seven people. He says someone else got away. He says ribs can track him, but they aren't equipped for more nights. He suggests that ribs goes on and they return. Sukul says he's just a dog. She says we should not take the road back to the hold. She doesn't want to meet the rider sent there by Risp. She asks if there are any more secret temples. He responds, "Nothing we’d call such, milady."
Location: Outside Tulla Keep
POV: Corporal Renth
Corporal Renth had been given orders from Hunn Raal that no violence was to take place. All plans were on hold. Renth didn't like Raal's plans and had thought about defecting to Anomander's houseblades. He didn't because of his loyalty to Urusander. Renth wasn't bothered by the slaughter or Deniers. They weren't Tiste to him and they worshipped old gods. The highborn were different. They were Tiste. His first group to relay orders to was Esthala. On the way he sees a muddy boy in the middle of his path. Renth asks him if he wants to get run down and tells him to move. The boy says, "I am named Orfantal,’ said the boy, ‘of the House Korlas, and I claim the right of protection.' Renth doubts this and sees a glitter in Orfantal's eyes before he feels a stabbing through his chain. Gripp pulls him off the horse and twists the knife as he pulls it out. He says, for Haral. Renth is confused, but dies.
Location: Outside Tulla Keep
POV: Orfantal
Orfantal is horrified when he sees Gripp spit into the dead man's face. They had seen the rider coming and needing a horse Gripp told him the plan. Orfantal thought they would steal the horse and then pay the man back eventually. Gripp grabs the horses reins and tells Orfantal they would ride to Kharkanas. After seeing the look on Orfantal's face. Gripp gruffly tells him that we are in a civil war now and that is the enemy. Gripp wants them to know it was him who killed Renth and that he was coming for them. He takes out a knife and cuts off the head, then carves his initials into it and tosses it in the middle of the road. Orfantal thinks, "All the heroes are dead. I am lost. We are all lost."
2024.05.29 01:48 placeholdername124 I'm having breakfast with a Christian Apologist tomorrow. Advice appreciated.
My mom is sad that I'm now an Atheist, and has set me up a conversation with a friend of hers who is a preacher, and apologist.
While I want it to be a very respectful conversation, I also want to clearly point out the big problems that I have with the notion that the bible is a reasonable thing to believe in, and I want to point out the contradictions in God's supposed nature. (Things like God being All-good, all-powerful, and yet suffering exists) (And Him supposedly wanting to know every one of us, and love us, and yet, I'm left with zero response to my thousands of prayers)
So I'd just like y'alls thoughts on what are the main obvious, undeniable, un-rationalizeable problems contained in the bible, and just the God belief more generally.
Things I'm thinking about so far:
- Divine hiddenness. Of course, the biggest, most obvious problem with all religions, and Christianity specifically: Where is God? Why does he seemingly not manifest in any detectable way in reality, which leaves him indistinguishable from the thousands of other God myths. And when people do claim to have experiences of their specific God, of their specific religion... it's always vague, and has a myriad of obvious natural explanations.
- Probelm of Evil. If God is an all-powerful, and all-good God... then I see zero justification for him creating the concept, or possibility of evil. No amount of suffering can be justified if you're an all-powerful God, that cares about his creation like a father. People will say "Well, there are certain types of suffering which lead to great benefit down the road. Sometimes we learn from suffering. Sometimes suffering is motivational"
But if God is all-powerful, and created the literal rules of logic, and all of the concepts in our reality... then he could do literally anything. Things far outside of what we can imagine.
Could he *not* create a world in which we retain 100% of our freedom, and flourishing, while also not enduring a bit of suffering? If he can't, then he is not all-powerful. And if he can, but does not... he is not all-good. Children die of cancer. That's enough evidence that an all-good, all-powerful God does not exist. And since this God is supposed to be all-good, therein lies the contradiction.
But people will appeal to "We cannot know why God does these things, but he probably has a good reason". But they can't assert that. If they don't have any evidence of a good reason for which God could let everyone suffer... then that is a standing defeator to the all-good all-powerful God claim. You can't appeal to god 'maybe sorta probably having a reason', if you have no evidence of this reason itself, and cannot even imagine a possible reason.
There's also all of the scientific claims that the bible makes that are obviously demonstrably false. Young earth, worldwide flood, the Exodus... Talking animals... Giants, Angels, people living to 1,000 years. No evolution... and much more of course. But I'm not too scientifically minded right now, though I'd like to be. I want to look at the evidence, and be able to explain why those claims in the bible are false, but at the moment all I know is that other scientists haven't found evidence for the Exodus, or flood for example. So I'm not comfortable defending those scientific positions at the moment, without doing more research myself.
Do you guys have any thoughts on what I should bring up with him? Or just general advice? I'm not too social, so we'll see how well I'm able to convey my thoughts. Hopefully it's an overall intellectually honest conversation, where neither side gets too defensive.
submitted by placeholdername124 to exchristian [link] [comments]
While I want it to be a very respectful conversation, I also want to clearly point out the big problems that I have with the notion that the bible is a reasonable thing to believe in, and I want to point out the contradictions in God's supposed nature. (Things like God being All-good, all-powerful, and yet suffering exists) (And Him supposedly wanting to know every one of us, and love us, and yet, I'm left with zero response to my thousands of prayers)
So I'd just like y'alls thoughts on what are the main obvious, undeniable, un-rationalizeable problems contained in the bible, and just the God belief more generally.
Things I'm thinking about so far:
- Divine hiddenness. Of course, the biggest, most obvious problem with all religions, and Christianity specifically: Where is God? Why does he seemingly not manifest in any detectable way in reality, which leaves him indistinguishable from the thousands of other God myths. And when people do claim to have experiences of their specific God, of their specific religion... it's always vague, and has a myriad of obvious natural explanations.
- Probelm of Evil. If God is an all-powerful, and all-good God... then I see zero justification for him creating the concept, or possibility of evil. No amount of suffering can be justified if you're an all-powerful God, that cares about his creation like a father. People will say "Well, there are certain types of suffering which lead to great benefit down the road. Sometimes we learn from suffering. Sometimes suffering is motivational"
But if God is all-powerful, and created the literal rules of logic, and all of the concepts in our reality... then he could do literally anything. Things far outside of what we can imagine.
Could he *not* create a world in which we retain 100% of our freedom, and flourishing, while also not enduring a bit of suffering? If he can't, then he is not all-powerful. And if he can, but does not... he is not all-good. Children die of cancer. That's enough evidence that an all-good, all-powerful God does not exist. And since this God is supposed to be all-good, therein lies the contradiction.
But people will appeal to "We cannot know why God does these things, but he probably has a good reason". But they can't assert that. If they don't have any evidence of a good reason for which God could let everyone suffer... then that is a standing defeator to the all-good all-powerful God claim. You can't appeal to god 'maybe sorta probably having a reason', if you have no evidence of this reason itself, and cannot even imagine a possible reason.
There's also all of the scientific claims that the bible makes that are obviously demonstrably false. Young earth, worldwide flood, the Exodus... Talking animals... Giants, Angels, people living to 1,000 years. No evolution... and much more of course. But I'm not too scientifically minded right now, though I'd like to be. I want to look at the evidence, and be able to explain why those claims in the bible are false, but at the moment all I know is that other scientists haven't found evidence for the Exodus, or flood for example. So I'm not comfortable defending those scientific positions at the moment, without doing more research myself.
Do you guys have any thoughts on what I should bring up with him? Or just general advice? I'm not too social, so we'll see how well I'm able to convey my thoughts. Hopefully it's an overall intellectually honest conversation, where neither side gets too defensive.
2024.05.29 01:24 kkell3y New cat
We originally adopted a kitty and named him mango. We got him when he was 5 months old, his mom was eaten by a coyote. He is the most confident, outgoing cat I have ever met. (My partner and I both grew up with family cats). When we have dinner parties he is out socializing and sitting on everyone’s laps. We decided to adopt another cat because he needs so much attention and love, and we don’t want him to feel lonely. Mango is now 11months.
We decided to adopt a chatty little guy named Cal. Cal (1.6 male) is good with dogs, cats, children and small birds. I would describe him also as confident and outgoing. The second we brought him home he roamed his room, ate, used his litter box, played with us and snuggled us all night.
Now we have only had Cal for 5 days and had him in his own safe space. The two of them have blown through cat meeting steps, not because of us but because they are very eager to meet. We started with sniffs under the door and a little bit of hissing but it ended really fast and Cal wanted out, bad, he is fast and will fly out the door if not careful. he meows and meows and meows because he wants to be in the rest of the house. So we have consistently been swapping their places with no contact. That went great.
We had a barrier in place and they were able to see eachother and first time was hissing and growling with one swat(they took turns doing this) but now they touch noses and are fine with eachother. They try to play and Cal will go do his own thing in the room while Mango is on the other side of the barrier. When we have the door closed they are playing with each others paws. And now when they site swap they go to the door on opposite sides and continue paw playing. Which brings us to the last step. Meeting without the barrier.
This has been rough and maybe we are going too fast but they are begging us(feels like it) to see eachother. They get a little hissy and growly when they meet without a barrier. No fights thankfully, but they did touch noses and then back away from eachother. We ended up ending that session by leading mango away with treats and Cal away with a toy. But tensions were high and we feel like we are going way too fast.
Our friends keep telling us we should have waited weeks before they even saw eachother but they have been showing me they don’t want to wait. How much should we let them meet face to face without a barrier? I don’t want to mess up their friendship. But it doesn’t feel flawless when they meet face to face. Should we go back to step one and wait the couple of weeks? Should we try without barrier again? Please feel free to ask questions if I was not very clear. Thanks. 🐈⬛🐈
Edited: broke up giant wall of text into paragraphs
submitted by kkell3y to CatAdvice [link] [comments]
We decided to adopt a chatty little guy named Cal. Cal (1.6 male) is good with dogs, cats, children and small birds. I would describe him also as confident and outgoing. The second we brought him home he roamed his room, ate, used his litter box, played with us and snuggled us all night.
Now we have only had Cal for 5 days and had him in his own safe space. The two of them have blown through cat meeting steps, not because of us but because they are very eager to meet. We started with sniffs under the door and a little bit of hissing but it ended really fast and Cal wanted out, bad, he is fast and will fly out the door if not careful. he meows and meows and meows because he wants to be in the rest of the house. So we have consistently been swapping their places with no contact. That went great.
We had a barrier in place and they were able to see eachother and first time was hissing and growling with one swat(they took turns doing this) but now they touch noses and are fine with eachother. They try to play and Cal will go do his own thing in the room while Mango is on the other side of the barrier. When we have the door closed they are playing with each others paws. And now when they site swap they go to the door on opposite sides and continue paw playing. Which brings us to the last step. Meeting without the barrier.
This has been rough and maybe we are going too fast but they are begging us(feels like it) to see eachother. They get a little hissy and growly when they meet without a barrier. No fights thankfully, but they did touch noses and then back away from eachother. We ended up ending that session by leading mango away with treats and Cal away with a toy. But tensions were high and we feel like we are going way too fast.
Our friends keep telling us we should have waited weeks before they even saw eachother but they have been showing me they don’t want to wait. How much should we let them meet face to face without a barrier? I don’t want to mess up their friendship. But it doesn’t feel flawless when they meet face to face. Should we go back to step one and wait the couple of weeks? Should we try without barrier again? Please feel free to ask questions if I was not very clear. Thanks. 🐈⬛🐈
Edited: broke up giant wall of text into paragraphs
2024.05.29 00:58 Strict_External678 Whispers Of The Crimson Abyss Chaper 4
Chapter 4
Aria's heart hammered against her ribs as the cultists closed in, their blades thirsting for her blood. The avatar's crimson eyes bored into her, stripping away her defenses, her will, until she felt like a fly caught in the web of some abyssal spider.
But even as terror threatened to overwhelm her, Aria's gaze darted desperately around the chamber, seeking some means of escape. There! A narrow alcove, half-hidden behind a drape of moth-eaten velvet. If she could just reach it...
Summoning every shred of courage, Aria lunged forward, ducking beneath the grasping hands of the nearest cultist. She wove between the shadows, her cloak billowing behind her like the wings of a desperate bird. The cultists howled in outrage, their footsteps pounding after her, but Aria did not dare look back.
She flung herself into the alcove, pressing her back against the dank stone. The cultists raced past, their cries echoing in the vaulted chamber. Aria held her breath, not daring to move, hardly daring to think.
But then a hand clamped down on her shoulder, and Aria nearly screamed. She whirled, her heart in her throat... and found herself staring into a familiar face. Liam.
"What in the hells are you doing here?" Liam hissed, his eyes wild beneath his hood.
"I could ask you the same thing!" Aria shot back, her fear boiling over into anger. "Liam, this is madness. These people, this... this thing they worship... can't you see it's evil?"
Liam's gaze flickered, and for a moment, Aria glimpsed a profound terror in their depths. "You don't understand," he whispered. "The Crimson Abyss... Khor'zul... he sees into the very heart of you. He knows your darkest desires, your deepest shames. And he promises to fulfill them, to elevate you. All you have to do is give yourself to him, utterly."
Aria shook her head, horror and revulsion knotting in her gut. "Listen to yourself! This isn't you, Liam. You're not some... some thrall to a bloodthirsty god. You're my friend. And I'm going to get you out of here, away from these... these monsters."
But even as the words left her lips, Aria knew it was futile. The look in Liam's eyes, that fevered, fanatic light... it was the gaze of a man possessed, body and soul. The friend she had known, the bright, vital boy she had grown up with... he was gone, devoured by the insatiable hunger of the Crimson Abyss.
Liam's grip on her shoulder tightened, his nails biting into her flesh even through her cloak. "I can't let you leave," he said, his voice quavering. "You've seen too much. Khor'zul demands a price for your trespass. You must be... consecrated. Anointed in blood and shadow."
Aria wrenched away from him, bile rising in her throat. "No. I won't let you drag me into this nightmare. I'm leaving, Liam. And if there's any shred of sanity left in you, you'll come with me."
She turned to go, but Liam's hand shot out, seizing her wrist in an iron grip. "I can't let you—"
But his words choked off as Aria drove her elbow hard into his solar plexus. Liam doubled over, wheezing, his grip slackening. Aria did not hesitate. She bolted, plunging back into the main chamber—
And found herself face to face with the avatar of Khor'zul. The towering figure loomed over her, robes reeking of blood and shadows. Those crimson eyes flayed Aria to her very soul, and she felt her will, her very identity, beginning to unravel like a skein of mouldering yarn.
"Foolish girl," the avatar hissed. "Did you think you could escape the gaze of the Blood God? All who look upon his Crimson Majesty are forever marked, forever... his."
The avatar's skeletal hand shot out, faster than thought, faster than fear. Aria tried to twist away, but she was a minnow caught in the jaws of a shark. Those fingers, cold as the grave and strong as iron, closed around her throat, lifted her off her feet as easily as a child's doll...
Aria kicked and thrashed, black spots exploding across her vision. She clawed at the avatar's wrist, but it was like gouging at marble. Her lungs screamed for air, and she could feel her pulse slowing, her struggles weakening.
Through the closing tunnel of her darkening sight, Aria saw the obsidian blade rising in the avatar's other hand. The edge glinted like the blood-drenched fang of some eldritch beast. It hung suspended for a moment that stretched into eternity... and then, almost gently, the avatar lowered the tip to the skin of Aria's chest, directly over her thundering heart.
A shock of cold, so intense it burned, radiated from the point where the cursed blade touched her flesh. Aria convulsed, her mouth opening in a silent scream. The shadows seemed to coalesce around them, thickening into a cloying, syrupy miasma that poured into Aria's nostrils, her lungs, her pores.
"Now," the avatar intoned, their voice resonating from the very walls, the very foundations of the earth, "you shall be consecrated in the Blood of the Abyss. You shall bear the Mark of Khor'zul, and through the Curse of Crimson, you shall be irrevocably bound to Him."
The blade pressed forward, parting skin, drawing forth a beading of blood black in the guttering torchlight. And as the first drop welled and fell to anoint the stones, Aria felt something within her shatter, a wall crumbling, a floodgate opening to allow the eldritch tides of Khor'zul to come pouring in...
She was drowning, she was burning, she was being flensed and flayed and filled, the blood of the Crimson Abyss replacing her own, the tenebrous thoughts of the Blood God entwining with the fibers of her being. The Curse etched itself into her marrow, her mind, her soul, branding her irrevocably as Khor'zul's own.
When the avatar released her, Aria crumpled to the floor, shuddering, retching bile and shadows. She lifted her shaking hands and saw, to her uncomprehending horror, that her veins pulsed with a bloody, eldritch light. The Mark of the Maw burned on the skin over her heart, pulsing in time with the slowing thunder of her pulse.
"Rise, Aria Vorn, Chosen of the Crimson Abyss," the avatar commanded. "Rise and take your place among the faithful. For you belong now, body and soul, to Khor'zul... and His Hunger shall be sated."
And though every fiber of her being screamed in silent horror and negation, Aria felt her blood-soaked body rise, an awful sense of purpose, of dark exultation, flooding her hollowed mind and heart...
For she was Chosen, anointed and awash in the blood-tides of her God's glorious purpose.
And that purpose would drown the world.
submitted by Strict_External678 to scarystories [link] [comments]
Aria's heart hammered against her ribs as the cultists closed in, their blades thirsting for her blood. The avatar's crimson eyes bored into her, stripping away her defenses, her will, until she felt like a fly caught in the web of some abyssal spider.
But even as terror threatened to overwhelm her, Aria's gaze darted desperately around the chamber, seeking some means of escape. There! A narrow alcove, half-hidden behind a drape of moth-eaten velvet. If she could just reach it...
Summoning every shred of courage, Aria lunged forward, ducking beneath the grasping hands of the nearest cultist. She wove between the shadows, her cloak billowing behind her like the wings of a desperate bird. The cultists howled in outrage, their footsteps pounding after her, but Aria did not dare look back.
She flung herself into the alcove, pressing her back against the dank stone. The cultists raced past, their cries echoing in the vaulted chamber. Aria held her breath, not daring to move, hardly daring to think.
But then a hand clamped down on her shoulder, and Aria nearly screamed. She whirled, her heart in her throat... and found herself staring into a familiar face. Liam.
"What in the hells are you doing here?" Liam hissed, his eyes wild beneath his hood.
"I could ask you the same thing!" Aria shot back, her fear boiling over into anger. "Liam, this is madness. These people, this... this thing they worship... can't you see it's evil?"
Liam's gaze flickered, and for a moment, Aria glimpsed a profound terror in their depths. "You don't understand," he whispered. "The Crimson Abyss... Khor'zul... he sees into the very heart of you. He knows your darkest desires, your deepest shames. And he promises to fulfill them, to elevate you. All you have to do is give yourself to him, utterly."
Aria shook her head, horror and revulsion knotting in her gut. "Listen to yourself! This isn't you, Liam. You're not some... some thrall to a bloodthirsty god. You're my friend. And I'm going to get you out of here, away from these... these monsters."
But even as the words left her lips, Aria knew it was futile. The look in Liam's eyes, that fevered, fanatic light... it was the gaze of a man possessed, body and soul. The friend she had known, the bright, vital boy she had grown up with... he was gone, devoured by the insatiable hunger of the Crimson Abyss.
Liam's grip on her shoulder tightened, his nails biting into her flesh even through her cloak. "I can't let you leave," he said, his voice quavering. "You've seen too much. Khor'zul demands a price for your trespass. You must be... consecrated. Anointed in blood and shadow."
Aria wrenched away from him, bile rising in her throat. "No. I won't let you drag me into this nightmare. I'm leaving, Liam. And if there's any shred of sanity left in you, you'll come with me."
She turned to go, but Liam's hand shot out, seizing her wrist in an iron grip. "I can't let you—"
But his words choked off as Aria drove her elbow hard into his solar plexus. Liam doubled over, wheezing, his grip slackening. Aria did not hesitate. She bolted, plunging back into the main chamber—
And found herself face to face with the avatar of Khor'zul. The towering figure loomed over her, robes reeking of blood and shadows. Those crimson eyes flayed Aria to her very soul, and she felt her will, her very identity, beginning to unravel like a skein of mouldering yarn.
"Foolish girl," the avatar hissed. "Did you think you could escape the gaze of the Blood God? All who look upon his Crimson Majesty are forever marked, forever... his."
The avatar's skeletal hand shot out, faster than thought, faster than fear. Aria tried to twist away, but she was a minnow caught in the jaws of a shark. Those fingers, cold as the grave and strong as iron, closed around her throat, lifted her off her feet as easily as a child's doll...
Aria kicked and thrashed, black spots exploding across her vision. She clawed at the avatar's wrist, but it was like gouging at marble. Her lungs screamed for air, and she could feel her pulse slowing, her struggles weakening.
Through the closing tunnel of her darkening sight, Aria saw the obsidian blade rising in the avatar's other hand. The edge glinted like the blood-drenched fang of some eldritch beast. It hung suspended for a moment that stretched into eternity... and then, almost gently, the avatar lowered the tip to the skin of Aria's chest, directly over her thundering heart.
A shock of cold, so intense it burned, radiated from the point where the cursed blade touched her flesh. Aria convulsed, her mouth opening in a silent scream. The shadows seemed to coalesce around them, thickening into a cloying, syrupy miasma that poured into Aria's nostrils, her lungs, her pores.
"Now," the avatar intoned, their voice resonating from the very walls, the very foundations of the earth, "you shall be consecrated in the Blood of the Abyss. You shall bear the Mark of Khor'zul, and through the Curse of Crimson, you shall be irrevocably bound to Him."
The blade pressed forward, parting skin, drawing forth a beading of blood black in the guttering torchlight. And as the first drop welled and fell to anoint the stones, Aria felt something within her shatter, a wall crumbling, a floodgate opening to allow the eldritch tides of Khor'zul to come pouring in...
She was drowning, she was burning, she was being flensed and flayed and filled, the blood of the Crimson Abyss replacing her own, the tenebrous thoughts of the Blood God entwining with the fibers of her being. The Curse etched itself into her marrow, her mind, her soul, branding her irrevocably as Khor'zul's own.
When the avatar released her, Aria crumpled to the floor, shuddering, retching bile and shadows. She lifted her shaking hands and saw, to her uncomprehending horror, that her veins pulsed with a bloody, eldritch light. The Mark of the Maw burned on the skin over her heart, pulsing in time with the slowing thunder of her pulse.
"Rise, Aria Vorn, Chosen of the Crimson Abyss," the avatar commanded. "Rise and take your place among the faithful. For you belong now, body and soul, to Khor'zul... and His Hunger shall be sated."
And though every fiber of her being screamed in silent horror and negation, Aria felt her blood-soaked body rise, an awful sense of purpose, of dark exultation, flooding her hollowed mind and heart...
For she was Chosen, anointed and awash in the blood-tides of her God's glorious purpose.
And that purpose would drown the world.
2024.05.29 00:56 Spencermorganhotch AITA for not telling the truth?
This happened about 3 years ago but sometimes I think about it and if I was in the right or wrong. I just need clarity from others that aren’t close to me. So this all happened when I at the time (17F) was in my junior year of highschool, I was in marching band due to my closest friend I’ll call Layla (16 F) at the time wanting me to try it out since she thought I would enjoy it as much as her. I was hesitant since the band director I knew was not known for being very kind but since they were getting a new director I thought why not and joined in my sophomore year but at that time we were all online for the band classes due to Covid. I did really end up enjoy learning to play music with a lot of great people and was excited because later in the year we would be able to practice in person. And I will say I had a crush on this new band director he was young (24M) and we’ll call him Sal. It was nothing more than a simple crush at the time because I found him cute. Now the more the band practices the closer I got with everyone and with this new director we’re becoming great and doing parades/new music. Everyone is excited at how the marching band program has became much more lively since he’s become director. Now I still very much like him as I go into my junior year and I try to be more talkative with him since I’m usually a more reserved quiet person. Maybe it came off flirty but I’m like 16 turning 17 not really expecting anything from a Teachedirector but it happens. I make a joke one day saying he owes me boba one day since I called out of work for a band football game. And he suggests since I’m going up to the area he lives around he’ll treat me then. One thing I forgot to mention he gave out his personal number out to all the students in band we had a groupchat. So on the day of I was texting him talking about how I was going to eat first and he hinted that he could join me so I wouldn’t be lonely. And of course me having a crush on him I said yes. After we eat and get boba he invites me over to his house again I say yes because I like him. At first we just went to his and watched yt videos and then he started playing with my hair and eventually I fell asleep because it was becoming late. He woke me up inviting me to sleep in his bed. I never thought this could happen and I took the opportunity and said yes. He slept next to me and the next morning kissed me and other things. I very naive and having a hard time at home at the time was overjoyed. Now I did worry about the band if this got out and his career but thought everything would be fine if we kept it a secret. Now usually I tell Layla everything because she was my person but I knew she would disapprove of this relationship (rightfully so) and so I told her nothing. So the relationship with me and him lasts for maybe two months and then we get caught. He gets reported to the reported to the school board and I am terrified that my name will be in rumors/gossip. I am someone who has always struggled with anxiety and suicidal thoughts so I was wanting to keep the truth hidden as possible. So when people in the band starting asking what happened when I was called to the office and why he was shortly after asked to leave the school grounds I lied. I said he had been helping me with extra practice and just giving me advice that the school was looking into because they thought it was something more. I also lied because me being naive at the time didn’t realize I was being groomed and so I wanted to protect him. Now there were news articles on him and the school for having relations with a student which we knew he had talked to and went out with a student that had recently graduated but it’s turns out they had a prior relationship that I hadn’t known about that in the end his teaching license was taken because of but I never told them about our relationship out of fear of being the target of rumors. Which unfortunately there were rumors there was another student he was messing with but their hadn’t been a name yet. Which is the way I wanted to keep it. I eventually told Layla the truth since she was the person I trusted the most and at first she took it well but eventually we grew distant. One day she sends me a text saying she doesn’t wanna be friends anymore and saying I should’ve never gotten into a relationship with him saying so many people loved the band program now just to see it end like that was saddening. Apparently the other girl wasn’t going to come forward about her past relationship with him but she was one that caught us and decided to come forward due to fear for me. Saying I indirectly caused the destruction of the band and lost the trust of her and other for not being truthful. Letting them defend him all this time when I knew the truth. Am I the asshole for not being truthful with everyone?Sorry if this post is all over the place this my first Reddit post. If you need any extra info or clarification feel free to ask in the comments.
submitted by Spencermorganhotch to ComfortLevelPod [link] [comments]
2024.05.29 00:43 CatgirlsAreVegan I can't turn on her, but I WILL get away
TW: Emotional Abuse, Abandonment, Suicide
I'm 31 and disabled. Not so much that I couldn't work, but after a life that's torn me down, and made me figure everything out from the start, I can't take care of myself at this moment. So I live with my.. mother…
Growing up she was my hero. Looking back that was mainly by default. Daddy was scary so the bar was pretty low, and she had this “bubblyness” to her that I didn't see from anyone else in my life. I eventually found it was completely inauthentic, but an abused and neglected child didn't know any better at the time.
That bubblyness was intoxicating. I could tell myself it felt like love, and I would patiently wait for the next time I got to experience it. And wait.. I did… When I was 7 years old, she abandoned us with our dad.. and never owned up to it… For a time she tried to do the every-other-weekend thing, but over a few years she had given up entirely and settled into her routine. Four or five times a year, she would pick us up, and take us to her sister's for some holiday gathering. She was already going there anyway, and it only added about another 30min each way to pick us up. So for a meer 4-5 hours a year, she never has to admit she abandoned us!!!
That's what I thought a mom was. Someone you saw on the holidays. Someone you liked not because she took an interest in my life (no one in my family did), or taught you anything (no one in my family did), or helped me with my problems (no one in my family did), but just because she pretended to be nice to me. At the time I thought Mommy was just an addition to my life. I didn't think I was paying anything for those scraps of attention. But I did, didn't I? Instead of spending the rest of my childhood looking for the love I was denied, I threw it all away thinking I had what I needed. Mommy said she loved me? That means something right? She was just too busy, always working. I can know that for certain because she told me.. right? I didn't need any more love, I just needed to wait, and one day.. Mommy will finally have time for me.. right?
This continued until I was about 20. My father conceded the house to my stepmom, and not feeling safe alone with her, I moved in with my mom. I was so excited! It wasn't as comfortable as accommodations, but I finally got my Mommy back! Right? Now she won't need time for me because I'll be right there! I can't remember how long it took to hate it there. Probably not long, but realizing it did. At first I noticed how everything sucked, and she was kind of annoying. House is a mess, we're quite poor, but despite that she refuses any significant help. I think nothing of it. I also noticed a lot of her talking AT me. I feel wrong for finding her annoying.
Eventually I get a medical condition, and afterwards I think things are different. Mommy is taking care of me and it feels like love again! And after moving in with her, this is when I made my next biggest mistake. Looking back I can see I was being infantilized. She wanted to “take care” of everything for me. She wanted to keep me fed and housed and.. drive me places. Ooh and she gives me cannabis too! What more could I ask for? I sat on my computer for a year or two straight, until I eventually messed up both of my wrists (permanently I think?). And my mental health has tanked after literally playing video games for a year straight. So now I'm extra disabled and I've never felt like more of a burden. Every day I waited for my mom to get rid of me.. but it never happened…
Things shift around a bit, but eventually something happens to establish how things are now. My brother takes his own life, and I start to make sense of things… For the months following, she's the center of everyone's attention, including mine. Everyday I try my hardest to keep her together, as do all her friends. I didn't have friends at the time, still don't. Everyday she drinks and smokes all her problems away, and leaves what's left for me to address. Then she just puts the grief away. She got all she needed, so who else would need any?
By the time that happened, I had begun to realize what was up around here. It started with hearing how she screamed at, and blamed my brother's closest friend for his passing. Something I remember her admitting proudly. She also mentioned some pretty obvious signs of depression in my brother (I wasn't around at the time), specifically so she can dismiss them as completely normal. She also mentioned how as soon as he moved into his house, he invited her and told her she could stay as long as she needed (was staying with friends at the time), and how she made sure he knew she'd be gone as soon as she could.
Then.. she finally said something about abandoning us… “You don't know how worthless he made me feel”. ‘He’ being my father. The one I was raised by for like 20 years. Since then she's periodically brought the subject back up so she can complain about how hard it was for her, and how sorry she feels for him, all while having no interest in hearing anything I have to say about any of it. Not about how being abandoned feels. Not about growing up with my father. Not about my disabilities. Not about my brother. Not about my lack of friends. Not about my dreams. Not about anything.. Just like always…
She also drove me home drunk twice during this time. I was 28 at the time so I guess I should have been able to get myself around. But like.. I was 28 and if you're too drunk to give me a ride.. I can just figure something out. The second time, the whole ride she said “I'm a good driver” over and over again, while constantly veering to the right…
Eventually things “go back to normal”. Except now I kind of hate her. She admitted to my face that she's never thought about me in any way at all. That should be enough to turn me against her. But it's not. Nothing is… I'm so much more aware of how she always gets to say what's on her mind but acts like she's doing me a favor when she never gives me space to talk. “I don't want to pry”, she says. I notice how when she has a problem, she can cry hysterically until someone takes care of it for her.. and when I have a problem, she can cry hysterically until I bottle it up for her. Everything she says is the kind of small talk she could make with anyone, trauma dumping, or just being insecure. Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry, she wants everyone to know.
Her life is miserable, she's miserable, I'm miserable, my siblings have always been miserable when they were around (one of em ded). At this point it's mainly just the two of us, with a younger sibling stopping by from time to time. But no matter what, no matter how bad things get, no matter how much free time I have, she's never once accepted any substantial help, and after getting my physical disabilities, she's literally rejected every bit of help I've ever offered. “No it's too hard for you”, “No you don't want to”, “No I have to do it”. Every single time. And when I offer to not just help with a task, but to take over a responsibility (like doing the dishes) she gets literally upset with me. Like I'm just telling her she's not good enough.
The house is a mess and things keep falling apart. We've needed a new fridge for months. I mentioned looking into finding one, she tells me her friends offered to get her one for her birthday. The very next day she says she's just going to have her friend get her something small, and she'll just get a miniature fridge herself. A month later still no fridge (after months prior of no fridge). It always plays out like this. She IS NOT doing the things, and if ever pressed she'll just say she's worthless and can't do anything. She DOES NOT want help with the things, and if ever pressed she'll just say she has to do everything. But the only way the problems get resolved is by other people taking care of them for her. It's like she's just creating plausible deniability for when people eventually take care of her. Her mother spent her final 10-15 years a complete burden on the family…
I can't have any wants or needs or hopes or dreams, because my mother decided she's the only one that can provide for me (remember it's too hard for me), but she can't provide for me (remember she keeps saying she's worthless), and so if I ever want anything more than the nothing she offers me, I'm just attacking her for not being good enough. Even though I don't want her to do anything other than let me have responsibilities so I can learn responsibilities so I can eventually learn to take care of myself. Or just don't discourage me, just leave me alone lady!
Every time I want a job she has to discourage me. When I moved out for a few months she discouraged me the entire time, and when I moved back in, the first thing I heard was “I'm so glad your back, I was so lonely”. I've asked her to not buy me junk food because it's bad for my illness and I have self control problems. “If you didn't eat junk food you won't get enough to eat”, she says, never once researching my illness (Junk food is basically negative calories for me). And I'm just wrong. Always wrong. Every idea I have, every suggestion I have, every thought I have, every feeling I have is wrong.. unless it's the one she wants me to have.
The only time I get to talk is when I'm playing along with what she's talking about. If not, she'll just shut me down, or wear her disinterest on her sleeve. I almost never respond when she talks at me, but that just means she has permission to talk as much as she wants. And if I try to say something about any of this she'll just cry. The only thing I can do is avoid her, when my life completely depends on her right now. And the moment I'm in the room with her, she just dumps out the contents of her head until I hide back in my room. Luckily she's not here most of the time, but the beginning and end of every day.. I can just feel her presence through the walls.
There's not much left to say at this point. What makes things worse is I live in a town that's a logistical impossibility for me, and the only way I could better myself here, is with the help she prides herself on denying me. It feels like she wants to just trap me here. To use me as her therapist to take care of her feelings, and to tell herself she's oh so important for taking care of me, when every day my physical and mental health is worse than the last, while she thinks I can just live off scraps and stare at the wall all day every day. Like it has been every day since I've moved in with her.
She's always the victim. She's always doing as much as she can. It's always impossible for her to take care of the important things (like raising her kids) but actually that's a good thing because they can figure it out, and besides, she doesn't want to pry. Everyone makes her feel worthless by listening to her when she says not to help her or spend time with her, instead of reading her mind and figuring out what she really wants. The only consistency to her, is everything can be traced back to the ego, but always in the worst ways. Protecting the ego isn't protecting your children from their abusive father, it's acting like it never happened to she never has to feel shame. Everything that feeds her ego is bad for everyone, and I can't take it anymore…
I plan to be homeless. I need to get better to be able to take care of myself, but I need to get away from her and here before I can get better. I have nowhere else to go, no one to turn to, probably too old to be a live-in twink for some friendly pervert (transfem but I'm early in my transition so I'm still pretty boymode), although literally everyone tells me I look a lot younger…
I need to get away from her, if it's the last thing I do. Even if I don't make it, it'll be worth it. But ya know what? I'm probably a boss ass baddie and she's just threatened by me. I bet as soon as I get away from her I'm gonna start realizing my potential. Because SHE'S the one that's always been wrong.. Not me…
Thank you for your time! Feel free to respond in any way that isn't mean!
submitted by CatgirlsAreVegan to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]
I'm 31 and disabled. Not so much that I couldn't work, but after a life that's torn me down, and made me figure everything out from the start, I can't take care of myself at this moment. So I live with my.. mother…
Growing up she was my hero. Looking back that was mainly by default. Daddy was scary so the bar was pretty low, and she had this “bubblyness” to her that I didn't see from anyone else in my life. I eventually found it was completely inauthentic, but an abused and neglected child didn't know any better at the time.
That bubblyness was intoxicating. I could tell myself it felt like love, and I would patiently wait for the next time I got to experience it. And wait.. I did… When I was 7 years old, she abandoned us with our dad.. and never owned up to it… For a time she tried to do the every-other-weekend thing, but over a few years she had given up entirely and settled into her routine. Four or five times a year, she would pick us up, and take us to her sister's for some holiday gathering. She was already going there anyway, and it only added about another 30min each way to pick us up. So for a meer 4-5 hours a year, she never has to admit she abandoned us!!!
That's what I thought a mom was. Someone you saw on the holidays. Someone you liked not because she took an interest in my life (no one in my family did), or taught you anything (no one in my family did), or helped me with my problems (no one in my family did), but just because she pretended to be nice to me. At the time I thought Mommy was just an addition to my life. I didn't think I was paying anything for those scraps of attention. But I did, didn't I? Instead of spending the rest of my childhood looking for the love I was denied, I threw it all away thinking I had what I needed. Mommy said she loved me? That means something right? She was just too busy, always working. I can know that for certain because she told me.. right? I didn't need any more love, I just needed to wait, and one day.. Mommy will finally have time for me.. right?
This continued until I was about 20. My father conceded the house to my stepmom, and not feeling safe alone with her, I moved in with my mom. I was so excited! It wasn't as comfortable as accommodations, but I finally got my Mommy back! Right? Now she won't need time for me because I'll be right there! I can't remember how long it took to hate it there. Probably not long, but realizing it did. At first I noticed how everything sucked, and she was kind of annoying. House is a mess, we're quite poor, but despite that she refuses any significant help. I think nothing of it. I also noticed a lot of her talking AT me. I feel wrong for finding her annoying.
Eventually I get a medical condition, and afterwards I think things are different. Mommy is taking care of me and it feels like love again! And after moving in with her, this is when I made my next biggest mistake. Looking back I can see I was being infantilized. She wanted to “take care” of everything for me. She wanted to keep me fed and housed and.. drive me places. Ooh and she gives me cannabis too! What more could I ask for? I sat on my computer for a year or two straight, until I eventually messed up both of my wrists (permanently I think?). And my mental health has tanked after literally playing video games for a year straight. So now I'm extra disabled and I've never felt like more of a burden. Every day I waited for my mom to get rid of me.. but it never happened…
Things shift around a bit, but eventually something happens to establish how things are now. My brother takes his own life, and I start to make sense of things… For the months following, she's the center of everyone's attention, including mine. Everyday I try my hardest to keep her together, as do all her friends. I didn't have friends at the time, still don't. Everyday she drinks and smokes all her problems away, and leaves what's left for me to address. Then she just puts the grief away. She got all she needed, so who else would need any?
By the time that happened, I had begun to realize what was up around here. It started with hearing how she screamed at, and blamed my brother's closest friend for his passing. Something I remember her admitting proudly. She also mentioned some pretty obvious signs of depression in my brother (I wasn't around at the time), specifically so she can dismiss them as completely normal. She also mentioned how as soon as he moved into his house, he invited her and told her she could stay as long as she needed (was staying with friends at the time), and how she made sure he knew she'd be gone as soon as she could.
Then.. she finally said something about abandoning us… “You don't know how worthless he made me feel”. ‘He’ being my father. The one I was raised by for like 20 years. Since then she's periodically brought the subject back up so she can complain about how hard it was for her, and how sorry she feels for him, all while having no interest in hearing anything I have to say about any of it. Not about how being abandoned feels. Not about growing up with my father. Not about my disabilities. Not about my brother. Not about my lack of friends. Not about my dreams. Not about anything.. Just like always…
She also drove me home drunk twice during this time. I was 28 at the time so I guess I should have been able to get myself around. But like.. I was 28 and if you're too drunk to give me a ride.. I can just figure something out. The second time, the whole ride she said “I'm a good driver” over and over again, while constantly veering to the right…
Eventually things “go back to normal”. Except now I kind of hate her. She admitted to my face that she's never thought about me in any way at all. That should be enough to turn me against her. But it's not. Nothing is… I'm so much more aware of how she always gets to say what's on her mind but acts like she's doing me a favor when she never gives me space to talk. “I don't want to pry”, she says. I notice how when she has a problem, she can cry hysterically until someone takes care of it for her.. and when I have a problem, she can cry hysterically until I bottle it up for her. Everything she says is the kind of small talk she could make with anyone, trauma dumping, or just being insecure. Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry, she wants everyone to know.
Her life is miserable, she's miserable, I'm miserable, my siblings have always been miserable when they were around (one of em ded). At this point it's mainly just the two of us, with a younger sibling stopping by from time to time. But no matter what, no matter how bad things get, no matter how much free time I have, she's never once accepted any substantial help, and after getting my physical disabilities, she's literally rejected every bit of help I've ever offered. “No it's too hard for you”, “No you don't want to”, “No I have to do it”. Every single time. And when I offer to not just help with a task, but to take over a responsibility (like doing the dishes) she gets literally upset with me. Like I'm just telling her she's not good enough.
The house is a mess and things keep falling apart. We've needed a new fridge for months. I mentioned looking into finding one, she tells me her friends offered to get her one for her birthday. The very next day she says she's just going to have her friend get her something small, and she'll just get a miniature fridge herself. A month later still no fridge (after months prior of no fridge). It always plays out like this. She IS NOT doing the things, and if ever pressed she'll just say she's worthless and can't do anything. She DOES NOT want help with the things, and if ever pressed she'll just say she has to do everything. But the only way the problems get resolved is by other people taking care of them for her. It's like she's just creating plausible deniability for when people eventually take care of her. Her mother spent her final 10-15 years a complete burden on the family…
I can't have any wants or needs or hopes or dreams, because my mother decided she's the only one that can provide for me (remember it's too hard for me), but she can't provide for me (remember she keeps saying she's worthless), and so if I ever want anything more than the nothing she offers me, I'm just attacking her for not being good enough. Even though I don't want her to do anything other than let me have responsibilities so I can learn responsibilities so I can eventually learn to take care of myself. Or just don't discourage me, just leave me alone lady!
Every time I want a job she has to discourage me. When I moved out for a few months she discouraged me the entire time, and when I moved back in, the first thing I heard was “I'm so glad your back, I was so lonely”. I've asked her to not buy me junk food because it's bad for my illness and I have self control problems. “If you didn't eat junk food you won't get enough to eat”, she says, never once researching my illness (Junk food is basically negative calories for me). And I'm just wrong. Always wrong. Every idea I have, every suggestion I have, every thought I have, every feeling I have is wrong.. unless it's the one she wants me to have.
The only time I get to talk is when I'm playing along with what she's talking about. If not, she'll just shut me down, or wear her disinterest on her sleeve. I almost never respond when she talks at me, but that just means she has permission to talk as much as she wants. And if I try to say something about any of this she'll just cry. The only thing I can do is avoid her, when my life completely depends on her right now. And the moment I'm in the room with her, she just dumps out the contents of her head until I hide back in my room. Luckily she's not here most of the time, but the beginning and end of every day.. I can just feel her presence through the walls.
There's not much left to say at this point. What makes things worse is I live in a town that's a logistical impossibility for me, and the only way I could better myself here, is with the help she prides herself on denying me. It feels like she wants to just trap me here. To use me as her therapist to take care of her feelings, and to tell herself she's oh so important for taking care of me, when every day my physical and mental health is worse than the last, while she thinks I can just live off scraps and stare at the wall all day every day. Like it has been every day since I've moved in with her.
She's always the victim. She's always doing as much as she can. It's always impossible for her to take care of the important things (like raising her kids) but actually that's a good thing because they can figure it out, and besides, she doesn't want to pry. Everyone makes her feel worthless by listening to her when she says not to help her or spend time with her, instead of reading her mind and figuring out what she really wants. The only consistency to her, is everything can be traced back to the ego, but always in the worst ways. Protecting the ego isn't protecting your children from their abusive father, it's acting like it never happened to she never has to feel shame. Everything that feeds her ego is bad for everyone, and I can't take it anymore…
I plan to be homeless. I need to get better to be able to take care of myself, but I need to get away from her and here before I can get better. I have nowhere else to go, no one to turn to, probably too old to be a live-in twink for some friendly pervert (transfem but I'm early in my transition so I'm still pretty boymode), although literally everyone tells me I look a lot younger…
I need to get away from her, if it's the last thing I do. Even if I don't make it, it'll be worth it. But ya know what? I'm probably a boss ass baddie and she's just threatened by me. I bet as soon as I get away from her I'm gonna start realizing my potential. Because SHE'S the one that's always been wrong.. Not me…
Thank you for your time! Feel free to respond in any way that isn't mean!