I (27f) broke up with my boyfriend (29m) in November. We had been together for 6 years. Long story short, we decided to work things out in march after he had been trying to win me back the entire time we were apart. I’m happy and feel like we made the right decision. However, during our time apart he started seeing this girl in February and they talked for like a month. Side note: this girl has been around for years and tried getting between us when we first started dating, she is pretty nuts.
He ended things with her the day that I came over to talk to him. Fast forward to last Tuesday night I just had an urge to look at his phone and I found texts to her from Saturday when he was drunk. She had sent him an invite to her birthday party and he texted back saying he’s sorry but he can’t make it, then he said he missed her, that he made a mistake, he wishes he could hang out with her etc. then he texted her the next day saying sorry and that he was drunk. I was obviously very upset and he says that it was a huge mistake and that he wants to be with me. He texted her to apologize and told her that he is trying to work things out with me. He said the situation with her is 100% done. The break up was very emotional and confusing for us both but I can’t understand why he would do that if he wants to be with me. I had never had an issue with him and other girls during our relationship so this was super shocking and makes me wonder if he has feelings for her. Do I take his word for it that it was just a mistake after a confusing time for us? I am trying to believe that he would be with her and not me if he wanted to.
TL:DR I found texts on my boyfriends phone to the girl he saw while we were broken up

Alright so let me get down to it, I am 14 he is 15 and I have liked him since early March but have never spoken to him at this point only once in our design technology class we used to have together. Over the easter break he added me on snapchat and instagram and we have been talking everyday without fail non stop, over the easter break i was in japan with family so there was a time difference but we adjusted to it for the 2 weeks i was there. He'd ask me to send him daily vlogs of everything i'd do there and just to spam him so when he wakes up he has something to wake up to pretty much. Within the first day of us talking he had already started making silly jokes, my friend had said something funny so i put it on my instagram story and he replied to my text saying "oh just go text __" with a rolling eyes emoji as a joke. We had also talked about birthdays and I mentioned how his is in my calendar and notes and he said he knows mine too and called me cute when i said i have it in my notes. We have a mutual friend who had hinted to him to start talking to me and be my friend because i was too shy to and this friend had asked him within 3 days of me and him being friends if he likes me, he asked "does she like me (implying me) or does she like like me because i wouldnt mind either" he said he wasnt sure if he liked me or not because it was too early. Our mutual friend would tell me he would always say "oh we are young and theres no point of dating at this age" since he had one girlfriend previously and he is over it but is just tired of getting played with pretty much. Fast forward me and him and our friend made plans to go out together in London but she couldn't make it so it was just me and him, nothing was awkward when we met up we hugged and got on with it. He held doors open for ,e offered to pay for my stuff, offered me his food because I hardly bought anything (I don't enjoy KFC that much but he wanted to go so we did), we went to an art gallery together, he suggested we go on London eye together and if you don't know what that is it's pretty much a big ferris wheel. We were at a bus stop together this same day and we were talking about our favourite games pretty much getting to know eachother face to face and we held eye contact through the whole thing and we were both smiling. When we were going home on the train he asked me to sit opposite him which I was confused why and he wouldn't tell me why but I'm assuming it was to look at me because he didn't have a problem with sitting next to me at all. We were out until sunset pretty much 8 hours and we hugged when we went home and oh my god his fragrance was SO strong but smelt SO good and it stayed on me even when I was home. Anyway skipping forward to when we were back to school, I made him a gift basket with stuff from Japan and I gave it to him and he hugged me infront of all his friends and sent me videos of him opening everything and he was super happy with it. I told him the night before I was so so scared to give him it because what if he didn't like it and he told me he'd love it no matter what, i also mentioned how i tried my best with it and he said cute. We have matching bracelets which I suggested and he was fine with me getting them from japan for us, we have been wearing them everyday pretty much and everyone at school thinks we are dating. Now, the bracelets I bought from japan he complained it was quite tight on his wrist so I ordered us new ones, they are spiderman themed ones gwen and miles with a half heart magnet on each so when you put them together it makes a full heart. I gave it to him around 3 weeks ago and he was so happy with it, he walked past me and i said he looks zesty as a joke and he laughed and told me to shut up but said thank you once again. We play games together all the time and our main thing is roblox horror games we both adore them and it's so fun playing them with him and pretty much everyone teases us at school about eachother. Anyway, 2 weeks ago I got a dm from a girl at my school asking for my snap as she wanted to tell me something, in summary she accused him of taking his bracelet off around his friends and saying he was talking to other girls to cover up the fact he was talking to me pretty much embarrassed of me. I sobbed my eyes out and texted him asking to talk, he said sure and I expected him to text me but he ended up calling me, I talked to him about all this and he was shocked and proved it all false, at this point we had been wearing our 2nd pair of bracelets since he complained about the other but 1 day he forgot it at his dads house so we didn't have it that day. He said to prove to me he never takes it off he's going to wear the bracelet that is tight on his wrist and I thought it was so so sweet, we were on facetime for so long and his mum ended up inviting me over to their house and i of course went. Later that night I texted him saying i'm getting mixed signals off him and I kinda played it off as "oh we are friends and im scared u like me" so he said no he doesnt but i wanna think its because of the way i worded it, moving on i met up with him last period and our other friend pretended to drop me off and he said "heres your girlfriend __" and he said "ah thanks __" basically not flinching to me being called his girlfriend, we walked together and at this point i am also friends with his sister. We were walking and we went to his room, he let me do his makeup and he downloaded my favourite game (Final Fantasy 7) to play since I was there and we played a bit together, we played some minecraft too and it was hillarious and a roblox single player horror. I know it sounds childish but i really love these things, we ate dinner in his room and I also noticed he had a shelf dedicated to the gift basket i made him, literally nothing on that shelf but the stuff i bought him which was so cute. He also has a shelf dedicated to fragrances and he got me to pick my favourite and coincidentally was the one he wore when we went out together and i told him how it stayed on me all day and he said "good that means its good". Then I had to go home, I was at his home pretty much for 3 hours and I had to go since he had rugby, anyway when I was leaving I gave him a hug and I felt silly so i tightened it slightly and I felt him do it back which made me really happy, I said bye and walked down the stairs and I could hear it took a while for him to close the door which made me think he watched me walk downstairs and my theory was proven right when he texted me after saying how nice my mums car is. I texted him after thank you so much for having me over and he said i need to come over again and we said he could come around mine next time. Later that day I posted some pics I took on my story which he was fine with as he viewed them and didn't say anything. The next day he texted me during last period asking if i could take some specific ones down as his entire class was pretty much teasing him and he got tired of it, he usually doesn't care what others think about us and has literally told me that before himself but I completely understood as it was pretty much his whole class so of course I did and he said he didn't want people to think we're dating, I apologized profusely and things were back to normal, the day after I get a text from my friend and she asked if he was texting me during last period the day prior and i said yes how did u know and she said he had a baby smile on his face which made me happy. Anyway, since then it has just been pretty much mixed signals he said we should go ice skating together because i mentioned i never have and we are also planning to go painting in the park together next week. Earlier this week I think Tuesday? I curled my hair and i sent him a snap of it as we were planning to play together and he replied to it saying "Woah" and i asked what do u mean woah as i didnt know what snap he was replying to, we got on a ps party and i kept pestering him to tell me why he said that and he was making excuses saying he replied to my story but it showed up as snap and basically just getting nervous and bothered until he finally said "your hair looked very nice" he also complimented my necklace last week and i have only been wearing that and whenever he sees it he comments on it which makes me smile. On the Tuesday he also remembered what times I had my tutor so we planed when we could play which i thought was really sweet too. On Monday I sent him a lot of videos of me yapping and i said sorry for the spam at the end and he said "wdym sorry for the spam yap all u want" so then Wednesday or Tuesday I can't remember which, I literally sent him over an hours worth of videos I'm NOT exaggerating and it was of me literally just talking and he watched every single one and replied to them too and even saved some in our chats, he has tendencies to save random pics and vids of me in our chat. Today he was meant to do district sports for our school so he didn't wear his bracelet as he didn't want to break it but then last minute they said he couldn't go and i went to his form / homeroom and checked up on him and he genuinely looked upset which almost made me cry and i wanted to hug him so bad but everyone was there and i didnt know if he'd be okay with it so throughout today i've literally been sending him videos and texts to make sure he's okay now i'm just waiting on a reply. his replies are SHIT literally all his friends and his ex say this too so its not just a me thing. also is it a good sign if he introduced me to all his friends? over the weekend i was in a ps party with him and 3 others for like 2 days! He's generally a really friendly person nobody dislikes but I also think he likes me and literally everyone i tell about this says he does! I don't know tho because i really really really like this guy hes the first guy ive ever actually liked so i dont know what to do now :( Does he like me?!

I’m aware that this is unconventional. Believe me, I’ve tried conventional – it didn’t end well for anyone. I require a certain open mindedness that I’m hoping I might find here, but more importantly, I need my future husband to know the rules. Meet-cutes are well and good on the screen, but they don’t guarantee a partner’s ability to follow basic instructions. That was my mistake the first time.
So, begging your pardon for my bluntness, I’m going to be clear about my requirements. Please read carefully – if you can’t meet them, there’s no point in going any further.

• Must want children. At least one child, anyway. I’m open to the idea of more, but one is an absolute must.
• Must be in it for the long haul. Until our child turns eighteen, to be precise. I understand that level of commitment is a daunting prospect, particularly when we have not yet met. After our child is born, you are welcome to ignore me, if you please, or take your pleasure elsewhere – though I will warn you that it might be difficult to come by. But you will live under my roof until our child is an adult.
• Homebody preferred. It will make the next two decades easier on you.
• Must have impeccable manners. I will provide a manual outlining the required etiquette, but you must at least have a grasp of basic courtesy to begin with. If you let your tongue run away with you, or don’t bother to wish your neighbours a good morning when you pass them in the street, stop reading – this is not the opportunity for you. Seriously.

This is the part where I should talk about myself, but let’s face it, this is hardly a romantic proposal. I require commitment up-front and there’s no guarantee that, once we do meet, we’ll really even like each other. If we do? Fantastic! It’ll help the years fly by. If we don’t, you’ll still have the main prize – years of rent-free, expenses-free living at The Old Oak Hotel.
A sanctuary has stood in this spot in one form or another since before the ley lines. During its tenure, it has been flooded, put to the flame, and pounded into dust. Time and again, it has been reimagined and rebuilt. Most of the current building dates back to Victoria’s reign, though the oldest parts were constructed in the 13^th century. At the very bottom of the garden, cut into the surrounding hills, there is a cave bearing handprints of red ochre.
There has always been an Edwards at the hotel, though of course we haven’t always gone by that name. You would think a family so tied to one place would do a better job of keeping records, but no one is certain of our origins. Perhaps it was a cosmic bargain, or perhaps mere luck – whether good or bad, I have never been able to decide. Either way, our presence is required. Throughout our spotty past, there’s a story here and there of an Edwards deserting their post, and it always coincides with a particularly brutal period of history.
I inherited the position five years ago. At midnight on my eighteenth birthday, my parents took their already-packed suitcases and left. I don’t blame them for their abandonment; I intend to one day do the same thing to my – or, hopefully, our – child.
They send me postcards and photos from time-to-time, always smiling on sunny beaches. Money isn’t a concern for them. That’s part of whatever mysterious deal our ancestors made – when a caretaker leaves in good-standing, they will never want for anything again. They could travel the world for the rest of their lives, always sleeping in the softest sheets and dining in the finest restaurants, and never find their pockets empty.
Keep this point in mind, for if you can meet my requirements, you will share my good fortune.
And what must we do in return? I can all but hear you scream the question. Why, very little. The presence of an Edwards ensures that the guests can’t stray from the hotel grounds. Most of our guests are live-in residents, though we do get the occasional walk-in. Where they come from, I don’t know, for we are not visible to most people who stumble upon our lonely corner of the world. I’ve come to believe the hotel chooses to reveal itself when its lacking entertainment, or to fill a need.
Jimmy, my first husband, was one such guest.
For the most part, the guests are harmless. They’ll give you a little fright from time-to-time, popping out from a wall or turning your bathwater into blood, but I find it hard to hold it against them. I’ve found twenty-three years here dreary; I can’t imagine how bored I would be after five hundred.
There are a few exceptions you should be aware of:

• Eric. Our resident serial murderer. He claims to have been Jack the Ripper while he still drew breath, but I think he’s just a blowhard. He knows better than to harm an Edwards, but I’m afraid spouses are fair game. Years ago, my grandmother managed to confine him to the fourth floor, so you will be perfectly safe from him as long as you never set foot there. Occasionally, the lift will stop on that floor even though you haven’t pressed the button for it. Do not get out. Even if the lift appears to be on fire or starts filling with murky water. Wait for the doors to close again, then go to another floor. It should only take a few hours.
• The Thing in the Cellar. I don’t know what It is; no one ever has. We only know It eats rats and must be fed once a day. If I’m ever ill or incapacitated, this task will fall to you. Harvest the rats from the traps in the garden, then stand at the cellar door and throw them down the stairs. Do not walk down the stairs and do not forget to feed It. You don’t want to be the first person to see Its’ face.
• Mrs Jones. Old fashioned and a stickler for manners, she’s the reason I’m advertising for a husband rather than a boyfriend. She won’t abide a couple living in sin under the same roof as her. Really, though, she’s a sweet old thing. Full of stories about the war and always ready to help if I get stuck on a recipe. I don’t blame her for what happened with Jimmy at all. I’d warned him enough times.

Guests aside, there are other rules you will need to follow to ensure a safe, satisfactory stay at The Old Oak Hotel. They are listed in a book that has been re-penned many times over the centuries. If you choose to accept this opportunity, I will insist that you read it until you can recite the pages word-for-word.
However, there are some rules so critical for your survival that I feel compelled to list them here:

• With the exception of the fourth floor, you are welcome to roam the hotel and its grounds as you please. But you must never set foot outside of our land – not until our child is old enough to fulfil their duties. If I were to do so, it would unleash pandemonium – plague, peril, perhaps another world war. I’m afraid you would be less crucial to the fate of the world, but it would certainly be a personal disaster.
• Never look in the mirrors in room 33.
• I’ve touched this point already, but it bears repeating: never be rude to Mrs Jones.

Failure to observe that last rule is what got Jimmy.
She doted on him. I think he reminded her of her long-dead son, for she pampered him as if he were one of her own. Each morning, she had breakfast ready for him before I had so much as opened my eyes, and she developed a habit of trailing along after him, complimenting his skill as he oiled rusted hinges or set a crooked picture straight.
At first, Jimmy basked in the attention. But by the end of his second month, he was growing bored of Mrs Jones, me, and the hotel itself. We pride ourselves on our facilities. If you need more activity than a turn around the garden, we have a lovely indoor pool – it freezes over every now and then, but most of the time it’s perfectly usable. Our library is unmatched. Although the room is cramped, it has every book imaginable; you only need to think of a particular title, and it will appear on one of the shelves. And now that I’ve dragged us kicking and screaming into the 21^st century, we have a wide array of streaming services.
It wasn’t enough for Jimmy. He wanted to go out – eat in a restaurant, watch a film in the cinema, see any faces other than the ones he was surrounded by every day. He began having a drink each evening. One drink turned into several, and after a few weeks, the bar became his permanent residence between dusk and midnight.
He wasn’t the only one getting bored. I had been thrilled when he first arrived; ecstatic when he agreed to stay. How marvellous to feel real flesh beneath my fingers after five years of only the dead for company. What a relief to have some assistance in the many tasks required to keep the hotel running as it should.
The more he drank, the less inclined he was to help – or even spend time in my company. He no longer visited my bed, choosing a room for himself on the opposite end of the floor. When our paths did cross, at best he would ignore me. At worst, he would nitpick or outright rail against me, blaming me for his captivity.
Still, I made an effort to be present whenever he frequented the bar. As lovely as Mrs Jones can be, she does have a tendency to nag. Before and after her death, she was close to teetotal, only consenting to take a single sherry at Christmas, and drinking outside of special occasions is something of a bugbear of hers.
“Think of your health, dear,” she would tell Jimmy brusquely. “You’ll miss it when it’s gone.”
Or, “How about we switch to a nice apple juice now? You’ve had quite enough to drink for one night.”
Most of the time, Jimmy managed to pull himself together enough to flash a charming smile and distract her with a compliment about her latest meal. But after one drink too many, I’d noticed him gritting his teeth and just barely managing to hold his tongue.
It was better if I was present. Playing the doting wife, I insisted on pouring his drinks, watering them down out of his sight. When Mrs Jones’s nagging bordered on relentless, I could always distract her with a game of gin rummy.
On his final day, I was running behind. The ghoul on the second floor – usually the least demanding of our guests – had come down with some dreadful illness, or else decided he wanted to inconvenience me. Either way, I had woken that morning to the foulest stench I had ever experienced. I followed it to his room and found every surface covered in putrid green-blank gunge, its consistency somewhere between mucus and vomit.
All day I scrubbed, taking only brief breaks to step outside before I fainted. By the time the room was restored to a passable state, and I had filled several bin bags to bursting with filthy rags, it was already deep into the night. Mindful of the time, I paused only long enough to wash the streaks of muck from my arms and face before racing to the bar.
I arrived just in time to hear Jimmy’s last words. After he spat them at Mrs Jones, she only stared for a small eternity, her mouth frozen in the motherly smile she wore whenever she scolded him.
Then, like melted wax, her face began to shift.
I shouted at Jimmy to run, but he didn’t need to be told. Before the words left my mouth, he leapt from his barstool and streaked through the door. Mrs Jones followed him seconds later. Her lips were already peeling back to reveal rows upon rows of long, wickedly sharp fangs, while claws sprouted from beneath her lace-edged cuffs.
I sprinted after them, but Jimmy was fuelled by fear and Mrs Jones by whatever force propels the Mrs Joneses of the world. I followed the screeching to the lobby. Breathless, I arrived to see he had arrived within mere feet of the entrance before Mrs Jones grabbed him.
Claws wrapped around his throat, she lifted him into the air. As I watched, her jaw unhinged, the lower part dropping so that it was nearly level with her chest.
That sight drove all the sense out of my head. Forgetting every rule my parents had ever drilled into me, I lunged at her.
She batted me away as though I weighed no more than a fly.
I crashed into the reception desk, the breath bursting from my lungs in a great woosh. I was certain that I would die, for no amount of effort seemed to force air back into my aching chest. At last, as my vision began to dim, I managed to take a small gulp – then another, and another, until I was able to draw myself together enough to regain my feet.
By that time, Mrs Jones had nearly finished her dinner. Jimmy’s chest was splayed open, muscle and shattered ribs protruding every which way from his flesh, and she was devouring the last few bites of his heart.
His head was angled towards me. The light had winked out from his eyes, but they still held his final terror – and an accusation which, I was quite certain, was directed at me. I would like to say I felt only horror, but I couldn’t help my sudden jolt of irritation. How may times had I told him to mind his manners?
Mrs Jones gulped, the sound thick and wet in her gullet, and dropped what remained of Jimmy to the floor.
Then she turned to me.
Here’s another rule for you, one which I hope you never have cause to use: never interfere with a kill.
The Mrs Jones who used to kiss my grazed knees, who argued with my mother for the right to read me bedtime stories, was no longer at the wheel. No amount of pleading or reasoning would move her.
I could only run.
Spinning around, I vaulted over the reception desk and raced for the office behind it. If Jimmy had not been out of his mind with fear and booze, he might have remembered the rules and survived; it was one of several staff-only rooms throughout the hotel warded to keep out unwanted guests.
Just ten steps from desk to door, yet it was the longest journey of my life. My hard-won breath burned my throat; my heart pounded in my ears, deafening me to all other sounds than Mrs Jones’s heavy, pounding footsteps.
Grasping the handle, her hot, copper-tanged breath was on my neck. Fire exploded in my flesh as she raked her claws down my back. A step further away, and I wouldn’t have made it; the pain would have been too great. But I managed to throw myself into the office and slam the door before crumpling to the ground.
Before I passed out, I heard her grunting and shrieking outside, furious that she couldn’t get in.
Three days I spent in the office, emerging only to feed The Thing in the Cellar before scurrying back to my hiding place. Whenever I left, I tried not to look at the mangled heap that used to be Jimmy. There was no avoiding the smell, though.
With no small difficulty, and the help of a first aid kit, I managed to treat and bandage the wounds on my back. They bled sluggishly all throughout the first day, but thankfully didn’t fester.
On the morning of the fourth day, there was a tentative knock on the door followed by the sound of rapidly retreating footsteps. I waited until they had disappeared down the corridor before cracking the door open. On the floor was a freshly baked Victoria sponge and a beautifully written note of apology.
It took every ounce of courage I possessed, but that evening I forced myself to go to the dining room. Mrs Jones was waiting for me, her eyes red-rimmed, a steaming cottage pie on the table. I tried not to flinch as she took my hand, re-iterating the apology she had already delivered in writing.
The next morning, she helped me clean Jimmy up.
We treated each other cautiously for a while, but eventually we got back to playing gin rummy again. When the scars on my back twinge, as they sometimes do, she helps me rub a soothing ointment into them. Even though I’ve told her it’s not necessary, she apologises every time.
So, you’ve heard my story and you have my proposal. If you think you could be the man for me, I invite you to visit. You will need to drink a cup of ram’s blood (a pinch of nutmeg makes it a little more tolerable) and light a black candle before bedtime. When you next wake, you will find yourself at our gates. As travel arrangements go, it’s hardly the Orient Express, but it beats the airfare.
If you have read this without flinching, if you can stomach the journey to get here, if you walk up to our door and find the nerve to open it, I have one more instruction for you.
Just as you enter, look to your right. You will see a deep brown stain on the lobby carpet. I’ve scrubbed and scrubbed but it just won’t come out. Perhaps that’s for the best. It’s a good reminder of what will happen to you should you call Mrs Jones a “nosy old bat”.
And when you run into Jimmy – as you will, for he still likes hanging around the bar in the evening, his silvery wounds glistening as though they had just been inflicted – don’t let him convince you he was some sort of victim.
He knew the rules.

(I don’t know if this is the right flair lmk if not)
I have a doctors appointment next week with a new doctor that I got a referral to from my GI doctor who said they’re very similar to each other which made me excited because my GI doctor is the only doctor who has ever made me feel seen and, thanks to her, I finally got my POTS diagnosis. This appointment was supposed to happen months ago, I got the referral in November but we weren’t able to get in until now and the office is a couple of hours away and I have panic attacks when I go to this particular office due to past experiences but that part has gotten better the last few times I went.
I don’t know how to feel. I mean, I used to feel like this would be the appointment that would change everything but after all the waiting and now when it’s only a week away I’m just so nervous. I have many things I have to address with her but I’m really not good at voicing my needs and I shut down. She’s an internal medicine doctor so I’m supposed to mention all of my concerns but the main things I need to address are hormone blockers/birth control (hormone blockers might be out of the question because gender affirming care for minors is illegal where I live), possibly starting the process of autism assessment, and getting a school note for my mobility aids. The first two I’m not nervous about because my mom is very supportive about that stuff (my dad isn’t really but he doesn’t say much about it anymore) but the real problem is my parents don’t let me use my mobility aid in public. My brother bought me a cane for my birthday against my parents wishes and they know about it but I can’t use it around them. My crutches, on the other hand, they don’t know about at all and to use them I have to sneak them out of the house. I love my crutches and they help me so much with my pain and weakness and school is beginning to be unbearable and having episodes at school has been a problem for me and I know my crutches would make a significant difference but I’m terrified of how my parents will react to the point I’m considering not even bringing it up to the doctor. My brother says I should and he’s incredibly supportive but I’m still so scared.

Sorry guys. Long read ahead.
Still in my heart, it’s hard for me not to be sentimental and still pour my heart out and call her the most beautiful person ever. but I know that at the end of the day, we are both just normal people trying to balance our reasons to both leave and stay with each other. For context, I broke up with her right before our 6 month anniversary right after my birthday. The challenges of becoming long distance did not add to the list of underlying problems between us. Honestly, I tried to break up at 5 months, because I knew my birthday was coming up and didn’t want to lead her on or blindside her. But despite my intentions and attempt, she pleaded with me to hold on and stay until she visited me and I gave in and stayed that extra month knowing better.
The relationship ultimately failed because we no longer reached the point of compromise, and it is both our faults the relationship failed. I will try my best not to villainize the person I used to love on the internet, but in short, to me she needed reassurance in a way that placed a strain on my security in us and it strained our relationship. She told me that when we started dating that she did have some anger issues and was still haunted by some problems in her first relationship. Honestly, a lot of things that happened what a lot of people considered red flags and things they wouldn’t let any friend do to them. But I wasn’t perfect either and I never had the heart to tell her what she was doing was hurting me until it was too late, and I enabled and pulled myself apart trying to give her the reassurance she wanted until it was too much and thought I could ofc change her . Eventually, one night I got so hurt after giving my all, and I broke down. She had only ever apologized to me after hurting me so much, and she promised to never treat me like that again. But people are hard to change, and the same issues kept happening and I could feel myself losing hope in both her and us. It was eating me alive, and I knew I had to be the one to walk away, because she told me she could never walk away from someone she loves. It hurt even more knowing that I was main person she depended on the most since moving, but I knew it was an insult to her to become the great person she’s meant to be if I didn’t believe she could find herself and new friends and continued to stay because of that. Despite her attempts to say we should just take a 1 month break, we both have talked that if we ever got to the point where we considered a break, we should just call it. It ended up with me hanging up on her for taking my feelings and desire to break up seriously. The following morning we texted and agreed that our doors are closed for now and Scott Street’d each other.
But despite all the relationship advice and reddit posts that say its NC no matter what and that they aren’t thinking of you, I had always planned to reach back out to her in a month of NC after finishing my classes and figuring my feelings out more first. In my situation, I still feel like it is right to communicate after a bit of time rather than pretend that we never happened. I never expected it to be her because I was the one who broke up. It wasn’t easy. To many of you wondering if the dumper ever thinks of you, I placed away a lot of the stuff she gave me for my birthday, but I still can’t put away the picture frame she made with pictures of us. I put all our pictures in a hidden album but I will still look through them at night. I binged watched countless sad poetry tiktoks. I got sad seeing her contact name that I couldn’t change slowly move down under other names. I listen to all our songs, cried so many times and thought of her almost constantly for the first two weeks especially. I still typed but never send good night messages to her at the usual time we talked at night, and hoped to see she was typing too. I would play the mobile game she introduced to me and I played more hoping to catch her on there. I never saw her. The first week was especially rough. I wanted to share so many achievements and events with her during the month, but I kept strong when in truth I would throw all of my dignity to take her back if she asked within the first two weeks. Even though she was a burning house, she felt like home to me.
I had planned several conditions prior in breaking NC: First, I would ultimately respect her response, whether it is an answer or no answer. She doesn’t owe me anything. Second, I had to first work on myself and only contact her after I finished up the school semester and start finding myself again. Third, I can only contact her when I am relatively secure in my breakup decision and not in a state where I was missing her more than usual. Fourth, I would write out and remind myself why we broke up and avoid getting sentimental and reminiscing to avoid getting my heart swayed like always in both respect of my decision and her sake. I will ask her if there’s anything she would like return to me and just have one last talk between the both of us if there are any unspoken words left to be said. This is especially important because my heart is fickle and I was the one who threw it away, and I respect her too much to expect her to take me back and have respect for myself to not go back on my decision. Lastly, this is where is it especially selfish of me. Even though it was an unconditional gift, I still wanted to pay her back with a birthday present early. Even though I know it is breadcrumbing, I selfishly want to give a gift to her, but I don’t want to do it in August rather than we are months into moving on. I’ll talk to her about it, and see how she feels about it before I decide to rip this band aid off. If she doesn’t want it, I won’t bother.
Here is how it went. I texted her if she comfortable enough to talk first of all. 10 minutes later, she responded about what and I basically explained that I wanted communicate after sometime and see if there’s anything left to be said between us and apologize for the night I hung up on her. She said she was never mad about me hanging up and we agreed to talk the following night. We exchange awkward “how have you been” and I explain that I wanted to talk about our feelings and thoughts in the past month. I was honestly in my heart, I still have a lot of attachment for her and was trying my best to run back into that burning house, but in my head I know that we could only start again as strangers and that 1 month is not enough time for us to both change as people. She said she wants us to meet again by chance but I said I don’t us to wait on each other to grow, and that we both don’t chance to make us work and that if we wanted it to work, we would make it work. She agreed. We caught up on things that happened and left off on. I told her about getting an A+ in my class, and she told me about the dance classes she started going to. It honestly felt like we picked up where we left off but without the certain words like “baby” and the L-word. We talk about the concerts we had planned. She told me that she didn’t have any hate for me at all and doesn’t blame me for hating her. I told her that I could never hate her even though she did hurt me. I apologize that I wasn’t strong enough and apologize for all the pain I did too. We talked about the clothing hauls we just had and we laughed at myself for my latest haircut that I didn’t like and I knew she wouldn’t like either. I told her that I know her enough that she doesn’t want someone who is scared to love her, and she agreed. We caught up about work, and she told me that she is fully remote now, and I laughed and countered that I get 2 hours off early on Friday at my in-person job because it’s Employee Appreciation month. I told her I’ve been reading the book she gave me for my birthday, but it is laughably stereotypically Asian even though it’s a good read. I told her I put away most of her stuff in the closest and she did too. She said I should take down the picture frame she made because she could tell I was still looking at it through Facetime. She told me she found a letter I wrote and she cried reading it and I told her I did the same. I told her I haven’t even touched the crochet kit I bought and she told me she returned hers after failing to make a loop. I told her that I wouldn’t have changed and a thing and she said she wouldn’t either. We ended up getting sentimental and reminiscing. We laughed at the coping we had both done like stalking each other’s Linkedin and Spotify despite unfollowing each other on social media. She uploaded our pictures on Google Drive and deleted our messages but restored them once she realized she could redownload them. She told me she deleted the phone game she showed me because she didn’t have a reason to play it again. I asked her if this is the last time and she said maybe. I told her that I wouldn’t change a thing and she said she wouldn’t either. She just wished we started off as friends longer. We cried, laughed and talked for 4 hours. It was getting late. We both were afraid of falling asleep together on call again. It felt like we were both waiting for the other to say it what was both on our minds and hoping the other felt the same, but it felt like it would be so easy to light it back up, but we both knew better than to rush back in. I told her that I wasn’t feeling strong anymore and to also not take me back if my heart folds. She said she wouldn’t. I told her that we should hang up but I say I honestly don’t know if I can and she said she’ll end the call at 3 on her side. We both say we miss each other and she hangs up.
Do I regret it or like it interrupted my healing? Not really. Last night was bittersweet. She still the same person I loved and that’s the most tragic problem. I told her that we shouldn’t wait for each other, but I lied and do truly do hope we meet again by chance again. I know this feeling might change with time, but for now, I do still care for her and I still wish the best for her and I know she will become a great person. I know I’m still holding on, but I am glad we talked and can continue on being the best person I can be. I do feel like there will always be a part of me that will grieve losing her love and being the person who walked away. I still do worry about her but I know she’ll be ok.

I was giggling through a very funny subreddit I stumbled upon (foundsatan ) until this one popped up and took my breath away.
It felt like someone had put my loss into such succinct words, and the comment section also validated a bit of why this loss has hit me so hard. I read it and re-read it until I had to put my phone down, and I couldn’t stop leaking tears like a weepy idiot while I was walking the dog, grateful that at least it was dark outside.
It got me thinking about the post & follow up conversations here from the other day on grieving, and the reasons why some of us are still here.
I think it might be partly because we have all experienced some kind of “ambiguous grief” or loss. I will link to the full article in the comments - but wanted to validate anyone who has felt a need to justify why they find support here. It’s not because we’re mired in bitterness or hatred, or because we want to stay sitting in our pain or anger. ”The experience of ambiguous loss can bring unrelenting confusion and unending torment as the mind tries to make sense of the nonsensical. Paradox and contradictions abound.“
I’ve been really struggling with why I’m still so sad about losing my best friend of 30 years almost overnight. I’ve been through deaths of loved ones, a heart-wrecking divorce with a heaping dose of betrayal trauma. This is not my first time on the grief roller coaster, not by a long shot. I’ve been wondering: why does this feel just as hard as the other losses, but in an entirely different way?! I think it’s because I’m well familiar with those other kinds of grief. I know how to do those. I know how it works. Society has names for it and customs around comfort & support for grieving loved ones. It’s acceptable to talk about. But that’s not the case with ambiguous loss; it’s just as intense (for me) as the other losses, but somehow also entirely different. I had no clue that the end of a friendship could be this painful! Maybe because I never saw it coming. Knowing that her QuietBPD explosion had been building for decades while I was completely unaware of what was brewing rocked my world.
So - I’m not angry or bitter or wallowing. I’m just incredibly sad, almost a year into this, and can’t explain or express this to anyone in my life without feeling like an over emotional hot mess.
I genuinely appreciate the community and compassion found on this sub. It wasn’t until I found this sub that I started to be able to make sense out of the senseless. I wish all of you joy and healing no matter where you are in the process. Thanks, y’all.

I've never posted before and don't really ever, so I don't really know how to go about this but I really need some advice on this. Ill try to keep it shorter but I think it might be a longer one because I feel like context is important.
A short summary of my girlfriend is she's kind of a dork. She's very cuddly and a little clingy to me, a smart girl. She's able to have conversations and its something I really value about our relationship. She's funny and smart, and before all of this she was my Best friend. She's a lovely girl that I care deeply about. She's gotten more possessive over the years and I'm not sure how to feel about it, but more on that later.
We've been friends since middle school (different schools now and basically long distance), and in the beginning of high school I was helping support her a lot more. She's got some problems, self esteem, we think depression and anxiety. It's never bothered me before and I've always tried to be there for her, and in the first two years she really leaned a lot on me. I was in the middle of moving, and was basically staying in one room with my family for an entire year ( we were building the house, and the room was like a really long loft so we did get some space. That's a whole other story)
We would text super late, and I'd really have to coax her into talking to me because she has low self esteem and didn't feel like she was worth it. I gave a lot of myself to her, in a time where I was super busy. I didn't talk to my family as much and sort of drifted away from them, not fully but I spent a lot of time alone in my section of the loft.
Fast forward to the end of last yeathe beginning of this year, she's still dealing with those issues but has gotten more confident and made friends, and I was super happy for her. She wasn't talking to me as much but I was willing to wait longer for her, I'd already waited a few years, so what were a few more?
But then she stopped talking even more, and now I feel like we're drifting apart. She's incredible busy with a number of things like school, learning to drive, her friends, and church stuff. I'm a Christisn, she's a heavily questioning Mormon, and it's not been a point of contention before. We've had conversations about it and something I love about her is that we can disagree on things but still talk about them. It's a really nice thing to be able to have.
Her family are involved in her church, and her mom is a very controlling and dismissive person. She forces her to go to church activities, and frankly she's part of the reason my girlfriend has self esteem issues. And because of that, my girlfriend opted to not tell her anything about our relationship. If I'm honest that part does bother me, but I understand to a degree why she does it.
She's been busy with a lot and stopped making time for me and our relationship. She spent a lot more time with her friends when she actually did have free time, one in particular I'll call Dave. Dave isn't someone I particularly like, but I've also decided I don't dislike him either. He's an atheist, is gay, and has some severe depression from what I can tell. And that's all I kinda know about him. None of those things bother me a lot, because he seems like a cool guy that maybe I might be able to get along with if circumstances were different.
My girlfriend has been friends with him for a while, a year and a half I think, and she started helping him a lot. They hang out at school every day, after school a lot of the time when she doesn't have family or church stuff she goes to the mall or elsewhere and hangs out with them. They talk really late into the night, past midnight. There have been times where we've been talking late at night, and this guy will call her because he needs her and my girlfriend leaves no questions asked.
It makes me super uncomfortable that they talk so late, because despite him being gay I can't help but feel really neglected. She's not the kind to cheat and she doesn't see him that way, but that doesn't mean it doesn't bother me.
I feel awful for disliking that, because he is struggling with things. I don't know if that makes me an awful person, but I wish she spent less time with him. She isn't willing to get him help like a counselor or therapist because for some ungodly reason neither of them trust them.
I get it. They're friends, and at first I was really happy that she was doing better. But what I'm seeing is that she's putting a lot of her time and effort into this new relationship, and completely neglecting ours.
I only get her when she feels like it. Lately it's been a few days between each call, and when we do call it's been super late at night when she's exhausted to the point where she's falling asleep
It makes me super uncomfortable, because for me past 11 is my time for rest and very small amount of people. I don't do drama past 11 unless it started before 11. But she doesn't see it that way. She's willing to give her time and energy to the point where she started doing less well in school because of this guy.
What's more is she doesn't tell me anything about what's going on with her friends. That I don't really understand, if we're in a relationship she should be able to tell me things, but she's gotten so secretive. She's not all that great at communicating, so I'll sometimes go a night to a few days waiting for her to be free enough to day anything aside from short phrases. It's a long distance and we've had conversations about how important communication, words of affirmation, and telling me about her day is. It doesn't have to be serious conversations, but talking is important to me. Less so for her I guess.
We had a conversation yesterday and I told her that I was feeling neglected, and like I haven't really had a girlfriend in a while because she's been so busy. Not just with school (she doesn't have a job) and church, but because she gives so much of her time to her friends. Even before we had this conversation she was gaming with Dave, told me we could talk at 11, and didn't talk to me until 11:30. I told her that it doesn't feel like she's pursuing me or this relationship, and that I didn't feel comfortable with how late she was always talking to her friend, especially Dave.
Her response was essentially her feeling like I'm not doing well enough at setting up dates to go out with her because she does better communicating in person. She also didn't seem to care that I felt uncomfortable because to her it wasn't a weird thing and she wasn't willing to stop. She also said that the reason she stopped talking to me about her problems and her life is because Dave is better at listening, while I always just try to solve the problem.
To a degree I get that, but it really hurt. She basically told me that I wasn't good enough at helping so she found it somewhere else.
It feels like instead of being a boyfriend, I was used to help make her feel better, and when she felt more confident she got more friends and left me behind. Like she wanted a glorified friend instead of someone to dedicate time to.
I told her I feel more like a glorified friend and that it felt like she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she wanted to be free to do whatever she wants with her friends and only come to me when she kinda feels like.
I asked why she was even with me if I couldn't help her, if she felt anxious or didn't even want to talk to me. I might not go to set up dates and stuff but I don't even see her pursuing this relationship, and it's hard to want to set up a date when I don't see her wanting to be near me.
In the end she left the call because it was late and she didn't want to deal with it.
Just this weekend she decided to go swimming and invited me and Dave, and I went last minute with my sister and her boyfriend. We actually got there before my girlfriend, and she didn't say anything about being late. Or anything at all. She was 40 minutes late because her family is really bad at being on time, and she only got to swim for like an hour. During which, she spent the whole time chatting with Dave, and I felt very much unwanted and like a third wheel.
And after when we were talking and I let her know how I was feeling, she basically said that she felt like "my timing was off" and that it would've been better if I hadn't gone. And that she was going to try and keep me and Dave from going to things together.
I don't think she means it in a "hiding my secret guy from my boyfriend" way. More like she doesn't want her boyfriend and best friend to not get along. But it still really hits hard that she didn't actually want me there.
It's just a mix of a whole lot of shit, and her unwillingness to talk with me and move through things, the secretive way she hides her friends, and the amount of time she dedicated to them versus our relationship. She doesn't make me a part of her life because she struggles to talk about that with me. She's also changed. She swears more, among other things. Every time we talk I try to be calm and clear, because I really value communication. But she left in the middle of our conversation because she didn't want to deal with it. Not because she was tired.
Long story short, I just need kind of any advice. If you couldn't tell this is my first relationship and while I really love her, loving someone won't make the relationship work. She's an amazing person and I don't wanna lose her, but a relationship is a two way street and I can't do anything to further it if she isn't willing to do the same. It isn't over yet, but I worry it might be soon.
TL;DR - my girlfriend has been pulling away for a myriad of reasons, and I don't know if I can do anything to fix this or make it better.
I don't know if I'll do an update or edit or anything like that, I don't usually do stuff like this. I just need some help right now. Is there anything I can do to help make this better, or to hurt less if things go bad?

I (27f) broke up with my boyfriend (29m) in November. We had been together for 6 years. Long story short, we decided to work things out in march after he had been trying to win me back the entire time we were apart. I’m happy and feel like we made the right decision. However, during our time apart he started seeing this girl in February and they talked for like a month. He says that he was lonely and sad and was looking for companionship to try and move on from me. Side note: this girl has been around for years and tried getting between us when we first started dating, she is pretty nuts. But he has not talked to her in years.
He ended things with her the day that I came over to talk to him in march. She had texted him like 4 times after that but he didn’t answer. Fast forward to last Tuesday night I just had an urge to look at his phone and I found texts to her from Saturday when he was drunk. She had sent him an invite to her birthday party and he texted back saying he’s sorry but he can’t make it, then he said he missed her, that he made a mistake, he wishes he could hang out with her etc. then he texted her the next day saying sorry and that he was drunk. I was obviously very upset and he says that it was a huge mistake and that he wants to be with me. He texted her to apologize and told her that he is trying to work things out with me. He said the situation with her is 100% done. The break up was very emotional and confusing for us both but I can’t understand why he would do that if he wants to be with me. I had never had an issue with him and other girls during our relationship so this was super shocking and makes me wonder if he has feelings for her. Do I take his word for it that it was just a mistake after a confusing time for us? I am trying to believe that he would be with her and not me if he wanted to.
TL:DR I found texts on my boyfriends phone to the girl he saw while we were broken up

Summary

This game is firmly in the collectathon platformer genre of games and seeks to outright revive the soul of Banjo-Kazooie and extract it into a new body. The fresh coat of paint with all new characters and modern graphical styling is an attempt to distance itself from retro aesthetics while keeping some charming aspects. Gone are the convoluted controls and returning are the random chirping noises for dialog. But is the upgrade from collecting the jiggies to ordering the pagies enough to make this title distinct? The soul of the collectathon is here, lets find out if it was worth the cost of digging it up.

Controls

I want to get this out of the way really quick and head off my review here by saying that the controls are good. They aren't amazing but since I'm going to largely be comparing this to games that just had their 25th anniversaries, I think its fair to say that controls are a real highlight for innovation here. With a similar number of buttons to the old N64 titles, we've packed in a lot of moves here and the flow is miles better. They aren't perfect however.
My main gripe is just that they seem to have mapped controls in a retro way for nostalgia reasons and it holds the game back. Rather than triggering the moves organically through context, the left trigger is again used as a face button modifier. Jump with A, high jump with LT+A. Sonar ping with Y, Sonar explosion with LT+Y. They didn't need to do that but at least the animations are short to trigger so it isn't too painful.

Characters: What did the evil Bee ever do to you?

Lets talk about characters. This is par for the course if you're talking Banjo-Kazooie parody that the game **NEEDS** strong characters. So does this game have them? I'd argue it does not. It isn't even that I don't find the evil capitalist bee and his duck in a jar henchman to be unlikable, its just that they lack the personality and novelty that BK had. The evil witch in those games wasn't complicated, but the rhyming of their lines and personality really got sold in the dialog. Here you just have throwaway lines galore about money puns. I don't want to say that none of the characters have personality, but its a 7/10 effort for sure.
That carriers over throughout the various worlds and main characters themselves. Banjo-Kazooie had a way with its humor of being dumb but delightful fun and really didn't stop you to embellish stupid puns. I won't harp on how I didn't find this game funny, but man when games miss the mark on charm, they really miss it by a mile. Unfortunately that's kind of the case here so don't show up for the characters.

Gameplay: It blends right in

I'll also keep this brief like the controls section. The game is good and the levels are pretty well laid out. They struggle to feel as integrated as BK though in the sense that each pagie is in its own area with its own objects. I remember how BK would use the same large centerpiece snowman for 3 or 4 jiggies, that just isn't here though. So like I said, it ends up feeling like each level is just a bunch of puzzles adjacent to each other, not cohesive at all. The themes really don't help that either as the themes only play into the gameplay of the level half of the time.

Graphical Style: It looks like it plays, alright?

The graphics in this game are actually pretty good and the game ran really well during my time with it at 1440p. That makes it a very good game to run on a steam deck and that is how I played about 50% of this game. The colors are bright and vibrant and its just a shame that it isn't more stylized. Believe it or not, I don't think the extreme crispness of the graphics help the game here. If you're especially brave though, there is an N64 graphics mode in the game which is a nice touch and brings in some of that charm.

Wrapping this up

Normally I keep my thoughts organized here but I think this game really deserves discussion so here goes. I went into this game expecting for the developers to have really done something with the formula. Lets be honest, this genre died because of a lack of innovation and intrigue. I was very surprised to play this and find that not only had the formula not really grown since the BK days of 1997, but this game had regressed it by quite a bit and I just really had to push through to finish it.
The music isn't instantly classic like Banjo-Kazooie, instead it sounds mostly generic. The characters are much the same. BK always had a splash of absurdity but it also always had grounding in its world. Lacking that grounding here is absolutely killer and so each element of this game feels separate. The enemies in BK were always interesting. The obstacles also had personality. Banjo Kazooie had me fighting two dragons on the tops of volcanoes who both thought I was there to deliver them pizza. We never get anywhere close to those heights here sadly. You'll play through this game and without exaggerating I can say that you will wonder why there are even basic level enemies in this game at all.
So what we're left with in Yooka-Laylee is a shell of what these games used to be. That isn't to say this is a bad game. It belongs in the genre 100% and its what the genre is all about. If you love collectathons and you don't want to replay BK games or want a modern version of this, I'll recommend this to you. Most people would have an alright time with this game and especially kids I think would love this if their attention can be kept by it. Those are my thoughts though, the game is decidedly average for me and I wish I could say otherwise. I respect the developers immensely for their work here. It takes a lot of work to even put most of the soul of BK into a game like this and so even if it didn't entirely land for me, I applaud them. Hopefully I feel very differently as I move onto Yooka-Laylee and the Impossible Lair.
Thanks for taking the time to read my review and let me know your thoughts in the comments!

I've been reading a book that has brought some comfort to me in my time of grief. In that book, it states that deep losses actually make you a more compassionate person unless you were naturally an apathetic person to begin with. I wholehearted agreed with this because a colleague is currently going through similar situation to what happened with my sister and I found myself actively showing up for her more as compared to what I would've done before going through deep grief myself. However, I've had friends who have really disappointed me in this time of grief by simply not being there for me and I'm wondering if if I would be the asshole for not actively being there them should they one day go through grief themselves. I think I'd at least offer my condolences but I don't know if I can do more than that. For context -
I (32F) lost my sister (33F) this year due to a massive stroke which eventually led to a cardiac arrest during her post-op recovery. My sister and I are very close and her death was a very profound loss for me. During the entire time she was in the hospital, I was updating all friend groups to keep my sister in thoughts and prayers to pull through. As my sister went into cardiac arrest while I was there, I was still updating/begging all friend groups to pray for her to pull through.
Context 1: During the entire time from the stroke to the recovery, my friends (2 of them, both 32F) were supportive. They came down for the wake but didn't reach out on the day of the funeral or after. One of them had only reached out a month after my sister's death but it felt insincere. She said things like "sorry for not reaching out, I've been thinking about you but April has been so busy". I don't mean to notice this but I saw that she was very much active on social media in April. However, I totally understand some people do not have the capacity to be there for someone in their grief or to be there when they are not in the right headspace too so I closed an eye for it. I was disappointed but I let it go. Then she asked if I was open to meeting up and I said yes, and then no reply. But on the day itself, she again, posted something on her socials. A few days after that, she reached out to me and said sorry for the late reply, she fell sick over the weekend. At this point, I was really quite done so I took my time to reply that text. The day after that, it was my birthday, and she sent yet another text to wish me and that she'd like to meet me the following week if possible. So I replied and said thanks, but I can't that week, maybe the next. Although I was still disappointed and a little angry, I still wanted to try for this friendship. It's been a few days now, and again, she hasn't replied but she's been posting on her socials. The other friend (32F) in the same friend group hasn't said anything to me at all since she saw me at the wake, and she didn't even greet me happy birthday. It's not like I want to track who or who hasn't wished me and nor was I in the mood to celebrate this year, but I can't help but to notice.
Context 2: the friend who reached out to me but kept ghosting me - she has a younger sister and she is VERY close to her sister. I thought she would've at least understood how that loss must've been for me. The friend who hasn't said anything to me at all, she's not close to her family and she's the kind of friend who never initiates plans, she waits for people to initiate them.
Losing my sister has changed my perspective quite a bit. I don't have the patience for trivial matters or complaints and I definitely sit in the camp of people should reach out to you first cause you might not want to burden them with telling them how heavy your heart is with this grief. But I do understand that not everyone knows what to say or that some think that giving us our space is what we might need. But I've been actively posting about my pain and they've been seeing it, and not one of them has made actual attempts to reach out or to fulfill their intention of meeting with me.

Long story short, back in January/February I caught Covid/flu and even though I recovered, I was still feeling really fatigue. Multiple doctors and specialist cannot figure out why, however, cannot rule out that I was experience long covid symptoms. I had visit the hospital multiple times for feeling dizzy and strange stomach issue. I simply can't focus at work and had bad headaches once I look at a screen. I even had issues scrolling my phone. My job is to modify and create new legal contracts which means a lot of detail is required. My manager was aware of the situation. My quality rate and utilization rate had gone down. This manager is known to be lazy, favoritism, only reach out announcing bad news, and gives hardworking people a hard time with no appreciation. He also keeps employees with very bad work ethics who don't just don't care about their jobs, but also doing things to cause legal impact. He doesn't care about employees birthdays or anniversary dates and even though people complain, he still doesn't change.
In March (a day before my vacation), my manager had a one on one with me about my quality of work and utilization rate in February with a unfriendly attitude. He also has an expectation that we complete things way BEFORE deadlines. I had been completing things 1-2 days before the deadline and it wasn't good enough. I acknowledge the errors was a fair say, however, I don't think having an expectations to complete things WAY before the target date was fair. Even though my utilization rate has gone down, I had been working overtime to get things done because of my health issues I was slower than normal. It seemed like he was bothered that I was acting calm during our conversation. Then he finally added, "I will take away one of your work privilege if I don't see improvement". He then sent me a formal e-mail with all the above including to provoke a work privilege of mine if I don't improve. A day before my vacation, I was extremely stressed out making sure everything was in good order. I was pretty pissed off and my vacation was pretty much ruined worrying about my job security.
When I came back, I improved with both quality rate and utilization rate and meeting the average among everyone. Apparently it was not enough and the manager was still not happy about it and explained I was only doing mediocre. He has been on my back and giving me extreme anxiety. I am terrified of having any errors on my work and I had been completing things 2 weeks before the due date. I put in a lot of hard work and still wasn't enough. This actually began to caused me to make more errors due to extreme stress and panic when doing the work. We have daily briefing meetings and he accused me of skipping them because I took a day off. The day I came back to work (after my day off), he sent me a message without greetings and straight asking me why I'm skipping the meetings. When I advised that I had a day off which was approved by the team lead, he responded "huh? I don't get it?!?!?!?". I actually broke down in tears after that message because he was accusing me of things I didn't do. We also have meetings every month where I have to talk about all the errors I made and explain why I made the errors in front of everyone which caused me extreme anxiety. The night before that meeting I can't fall asleep at night and wake up 2 hours before my alarm goes off.
I am not lazy and I am hardworking. The funny thing is the team lead agreed some things were not fair especially the formula to calculate utilization rate is extremely flawed and inaccurate. I was actually told even though we had been working overtime, it only shows that we are only at 35% capacity. When the manager was on vacation, we all had a meeting about the inaccuracy of that thing and how the manager refused to change it. Upper management doesn't even know any of this.
I am in huge stress, breaking down in tears, and had caused me stomach issues, anxiety, can't sleep well, and even on weekends I'm scared on Monday the manager would find things to accuse me. Work quality has also being going down.
I talked to a doctor and based on the analysis, I was suggested go on a stress leave and applications are filled.
My best friend wants to open a small business and asking me if I want to go on board with him. I am thinking to on a stress leave (which I still get 80% of my weekly salary) and quit when the business is running.
Should I feel guilty and how my current colleague might look at me?

Before I say my opinion lemme just say this is MY OPINION. A lot of people are on here writing “stop hating” when this Reddit is literally for sharing opinions and thoughts. Everyone has a right to an opinion and free speech so go off on anything you want!
I dont know about Paige replacing Brooke but Paige coming on the podcast opened my eyes a bit seeing someone reply to Tana without being judgemental/mean. Like it or not, Brooke is a mean girl. You can choose to like that about her and some people might even want to be friends with her and that’s great. I just think that the mean energy is not reciprocated by Tana at all and it looks like bullying. I’ve never heard Tana make fun of Brooke’s makeup/outfit/decisions. Brooke makes fun of Tana so much it’s 50% of her personality on the pod.
Every time Brooke shares something about her life Tana always hypes her up with the “go off, you do you” like a fully supportive great friend.
The interrupting/criticism/wanting her to stop being sober. I dont know these people personally but from what we see on the podcast, Brooke seems like she has the worst intentions for Tana. From what she puts out there, she cares about fame/brand deals/ being brand friendly and it’s a bit much. Chase your bag ofcourse! But don’t chase your bag by making fun of your friends and acting superior. Especially if that’s the friend that gave you your career and supports everything you do.
I’m all for being brand safe and chasing that bag. BUT your job is to be unhinged and entertaining on a podcast. That podcast is called cancelled for a reason, it’s just not centred around being brand safe and wanting a YSL brand deal like Brooke does. If you want a brand safe job maybe don’t be on “CANCELLED”
Fact is some people can handle fame. People who handle fame don’t let it change them. Truly it’s unhinged people like Tana that handle fame, it just really got to Brooke and her personality is either different or we see a side of her that always existed but we’ve never seen.
AGAIN. If the making fun/bullying was reciprocated I’d be like “yea that’s just their friend dynamic it’s funny” but it’s just one sided bullying so it’s giving red flag. It’s even worse how Brooke makes fun of Tana even more when there are guests on the pod.
Fame is so hard and I’m sure it would have its effects on any of us, maybe Brooke just has to evaluate what it’s turning her into? She said she might go back to therapy and maybe that would help.
I dont know I just know Tana has such a huge fanbase and she is so kind and treats all her friends like family that she gives them their careers and income, but fame isn’t for everyone and that’s ok! I think the podcast should be like it was intended “starring Tana Mongeau. Tana could have Brooke on as a guest, and Paige on as a guest as well. I just wish it was just centred more on Tana.

I told my work crush that my birthday is coming up and to my surprise hers is a week before mine. After all these months of being friends I'm sure she knows I like her, and I think it's mutual based on her behavior and her friends acting funny/always mentioning her. But neither of us has broke the ice, instead there's just tension.
I thought about giving her a birthday card with her favorite animal on it and a little message inside that I think she's awesome, the things I appreciate about her like her silliness, and how I find her adorable. Then I wanted to put my number on a note inside.
The reason I don't ask for her number is...I'm anxious and there's people always around us. Nothing is private, and we're at work. I thought this way, if she wants, she'll reach out and it doesn't create any drama.
Can you guys tell me what you think? Is a card a good idea? And what should I write inside?

Little backstory:
Me (36F) and my Father had never had really a relationship. Since my brother (34M) was born i was kind of invisible to him. His whole focus was on my brother (I don't blame him for that because he never wanted to be in that position). It got up to a point i heard him say that he wished for a boy as his firstborn 😭. He never done anything with me (like go to playground etc.) He made cool stuff with my brother and when I want to attend he always said that i could not come because its a "boys thing". Over the years I tried to get his attention and tried to speak to him ect., but never got what I wanted ( just a little girl wanted to feel loved and appreciate by her Father). Over the years i felt so belittled because of his mindset of women are stay at-home moms and fathers go work....and so on. (No hate for stay-at Home Moms, i habe a huge respect for them), but up to your teen years it has a huge impact on you. I grew up, parents divorced and had a long time no contact. The way my childhood went made a huge impact on my mental health (No Selflove, No self respect, difficulties with relationships...).
During my first Depression i talked about that stuff with my therapist and decided to write im a letter about my feelings etc.
Long Story Short: We kind of keept in contact and ended up meeting a few times. Back to Topic 😬
I have a major depression since almost a year now (just for context). In May 2023 he invited me to his birthday party in January 2024( His actual birthday is in December). I wanted to come.
Fast Forward to 2 Day before the party, my Cat of 19 years died. (She was my baby, she helped me through everything, teenage years, the thing with father not only the relationship but also he being abusive towards my mother and him beeing an alcoholic, the bullying i had to suffer until i was 18).
So because she was my everything it was and still is hard for me that she died. The day she was put to sleep i could see her for the last time and say goodbye. I cried alot that day. The next day was also bad. I messaged him that i will not attend because of the fact that she did and i was in a terrible condition. He saw my message and never answerd me. I think he is mad about the fact that i would not attend and just told him one day in advance. And i totally can understand that but he could at least say something like oh im so sorry about the loss (He was the one who brought her home as a surprise)
I found it kind of rude at that day, but never tried to talk to him afterwards. I was so pissed and i decided that it was no good thing to let him in my life in the first place, because he made everything more worse.
Now im second guessing myself because some people are supportive of my desicion (because for the first time i decided to do something for myself and not be a people pleaser) and others say that I am the AH (because hes probably hurt about the fact that i did not come in the first place).
Sorry for the long text and excuse my English, because it is not my first language.
So AITH for not attending my fathers birthday because my cat died?

I found out second hand, which is what my niece wanted. She wanted to prepare my family before we saw her.
I already know to use the correct pronouns (she/her) and to use her new name.
Is there anything else I should know or be aware of? What are things you all wished your family knew to say/not say or do/not do? I’m giving her a card with her goodie basket. I just want to make sure I don’t say or do the wrong thing. I want her to know I love her and accept her for who she is (without being cringey).

Hello fellow potatoes! And to the potato queen herself, girl, you're amazing!!! I just found your channel a few months ago, but I'm a huge fan. I don't have a lot of time for videos, but when I do get to watch, I watch yours.
Have I got a boomemil story for you! Let's go on an adventure...warning...I tell stories with rabbit holes and tangents. This is probably gonna be too long. I'm sorry!!!
So, the characters are me (40f), boomer MIL (64f BM for short, like bowel movement bc she's caca), my oldest son, (17m), and my church "mom" (65f CM for short).
A little background: BM thinks she's an awesome mom and grandma even though she's not. She uses my kids as facebook props to show off how "wonderful" she is. The only reason she was around my kids so often was because we went to the same church. She lived 10 minutes down the road from us, but could never be bothered to come over or have anything to do with any of us is if we didn't initiate. She has always said that if we ever try to threaten to keep our kids away from her, like if we were having a disagreement, that she would not fight to see them. We've never threatened to keep our kids from her, she just wanted us to know that she didn't give a sh!t to see her gandkids. So, that tells you right there, that she's a grandma when it's convenient for her.
She's of the boomer mentality that mental health issues are made up and aren't real. "You have nothing to be depressed about." "Just snap out if it." "Just be happy." You get the point. I struggle with depression, I always have. She doesn't understand or even try to understand and is the least empathetic person I've ever met.
When I get overwhelmed, I get depressed, and I start shutting down. My plate is overflowing right now. Between the end of the school year and the possibility of us moving states, I've been overwhelmed. My oldest is a senior and the last month of senior year is crazy busy. I have another child (11m) in public school and this is his last year of elementary school, so this has been an extremely busy month for him. I have 3 more kids that do online public school/homeschool. So, they're home all day with online classes, but since they're a public school, they have mandatory state testing just like regular public school. I have had to take them to do state testing on 4 different days overyhe last few weeks and the meeting place was 45 minutes from home, at a conference room in a mall. I also babysit 3 kids (1m, 4m, 4f), so hanging out for 4 to 5 hours a day on 4 different days with a shitload of kids at the f#cking mall was not easy. Not to mention the positions and "jobs" that I hold at church. To say I'm busy is an understatement.
We've been planning on moving for the last few months because a position at my husband's work is coming open near where he grew up, which is in another state. His parents recently moved back to their hometown after my FIL retired, so one reason for the move would be to be closer to them. They are getting older, so I would be taking care of them once they needed it, so moving closer seemed like a great option. Also, it's a lower COL area than we live in now. Currently we live in the metro area of a capital city and we would be moving to a middle of nowhere po'dunk town.
Told you, rabbit holes, thanks for still being with me!!!
And this is just the straw that broke the camel's back, this is not the only reason for my decision.
So, to the actual story...
Last week, I got a mother's day card in the mail from BM. She's a dollar tree card fanatic. It was a very typical card that she sends me. Nothing handwritten except for "love, grandma and grandpa." This is what she writes in all my cards. (Another tangent...last year my mom passed a month before mother's day and that actual mother's day was her and my dad's anniversary. And I had a super complicated relationship with my momster. So, it was an exceptionally hard day for me. The card she got me said "Daughter" in huge letters on the front. I thought it was so incredibly passive aggressive and completely inappropriate for that year. If it would've been any other year, it would've been fine. Also, she never gets me cards that just say "daughter" so, to me, it was a low blow.) (Yet another tangent...she does passive aggressive crap all the time, for instance when she used to do fb birthday posts, she would always ask me to send her a pic to post. I'm picky about what pics are used and she knows that. Last year, I sent her a great pic of me and her son to use. So, she used one from about 12 years ago that looked like absolute poop. It was a surprise pic, so like not even posed, stupid look on my face. No matter what pic I send, and usually send like 3, she uses a completely different one that doesn't even look good.) I got the card last Tuesday. Hubby happened to be talking to her while driving home from work that day, so when he got home, I thanked her for the card and just wanted to give her a heads up that I hadn't gotten a chance to mail hers yet because of everything I had going on. I kinda broke down and was sharing how I felt and she basically just said, "suck it up, it'll be fine." She's always been dismissive of my feelings, always.
So, my CM is the sweetest lady you'll ever meet. She listens to me, lets me share my feelings without being dismissive, and actually shows she cares. I see her twice weekly at church, and text with her during the week. Since BM has moved 8 moths ago, she has called or texted "just to talk or check in on us" less than a handful of times. She only calls/texts when she needs something or on a special occasion. She called my husband to ask about something, not just to talk. I understand now why the oldest grandson, my nephew, didn't even bother to invite her to his and his girlfriend's baby shower where he proposed. She thinks she's an amazing grandma bc she sends birthday money in a card and posts their pics on Facebook. And, she even stopped posting the kids birthday messages on fb bc she said it was "too much trouble." So, she just sticks to her 30 daily inspirational Bible quotes posts. She's the type that was so pissed off that both of her kids went with courthouse marriages instead of going into debt for a wedding because she didn't get to walk down the aisle at her kids' weddings and post pics on fb. She's mentioned this several times, but definitely wasn't even willing to spend a dime towards a wedding that no one wanted except her. She was also unwilling to take a day off work to go to the courthouse with us. With both of her kids' marriages, the kids and partners were together for a while and had kids before getting married, so spending tons of money on a huge wedding for either of us couples wouldn't have been the best way to spend money.
On mother's day, I gave my CM a card with a few lines written in it about how amazing she is and how I'm so grateful for her. I'm way closer to her than BM. CM is my chosen family and to me, your chosen family is the one that means more because you chose them, you didn't just get stuck with them. My blood family is incredibly toxic, so I stick with my chosen family. CM made a fb post with all that she got for mother's day. It was gifts and cards from her own children, and of course my card as well. CM & BM are fb friends, so of course BM saw it. Also, BM has everyone convinced she's this sweet, little old church lady, but she is far from it.
So, this Tuesday she got her cards in the mail. I always give her one from hubby and myself, and a separate one from our boys. I wrote a nice little note in it. Not long, a line or 2, but it was more effort than she put into my card. She sent me and hubby the following in a group text...
Copy and pasted, only edited out names.
"Got my cards in the mail today. 😭. They were post marked Saturday. You could of kept them til I got there or next year. It's like yall bought them Saturday, wrote a few words and rushed to get them to post office. My heart 💔broken. I thought I deserved better. I wish I could send pictures of my card verses [CM] 😩 card. I couldnt tell which gift was yours. But least I have a year to try do better and be worthy of such wonderful words of love and praise that was written to her.
I don't mean to complain or seem ungrateful but I wished you hadn't mailed them.😭😭. I can't explain how crushed I am.😔 Anyway hopefully I will see yall on the 20th."
Note: my oldest son is graduating on the 20th. She was supposed to drive down and spend the night with us to attend the graduation. I honestly believe she picked this fight because she doesn't want to drive the 6 hours down here.
If you "don't mean to complain or seem ungrateful" then why tf did you send it? I asked my husband what was his initial reaction and he said, "Really?!? All she had to do was say thanks."
So, after I talked to my husband and oldest son (I wanted to make sure everyone was on board with what I was saying before I sent it) , I sent her this response:
"I mailed them on Friday, I bought them several weeks ago. I told you I hadn't mailed them yet because I've been in a deep depression and you dismissed my feelings like always. I have real, valid feelings and you always dismissed them as silly. And come after me because now you're feelings are hurt. Wow, ok. The absolute audacity. And it's not just with your cards that I'm slacking. It's with everything. Because I have depression. I'm overwhelmed on top of that and literally the only thing you care about is a card. I tried to express my feelings the other day on the phone and you dismissed them like you always do. I know things will be fine, but in this moment they are not and you don't get that. Because you don't understand how or why I feel the way I do, then my feelings are silly or invalid to you.
And I never gave [CM] a present. Don't know why you thought that.
Don't worry about coming down on the 20th."
She replies by trying to blackmail me;
"Well my am so sorry I said anything. I never realized you thought that about me. I never dismissed your depression but yes i never knew what to do for you. I am not going to go back and forth about this. I will text [son] and let him know you told me not to come."
She's not sorry to me for being dismissive, she's sorry because now she doesn't get her "Proud MeMe moment" and can't post pictures of her at his graduation on fb. And even if she didn't "know what to do" for me, all she had to do was ask. Or listen. Or give a damn hug. But, no, she just dismissed me bc to her depression isn't real. And she's not going back and forth bc she knows shes wrong! Little did she know that I had already cleared it with hubby and son before sending the text, so I think she thought it would make me look bad to my oldest son that I told her no to come. Oldest son said, "I'm neutral, I don't care if she comes or not. It's not like she's had anything to do with us since she moved, and barely had anything to do with us when she was here."
So, my last text to her said, "He knows. I asked him before I texted you, and he's good with it."
All she had to do was say thanks or not even say anything at all. But, no, she had to say something stupid. Even her own son said that she's lucky she even got a card bc if it was up to him, her actual son, she wouldn't have gotten anything. So, not only is she not invited to the graduation, she's never welcome in my home again. The great part is I don't have to share my holidays with her ever again!!! And please know that I'd never keep her grandchildren from her, but if she wants a relationship with them, she'll have to put some effort in. And we all know boomers hate effort.
If you made it this far, thanks for reading my rant. I appreciate you my friends!

Sordland & Rizia Achievement Ideas

• Rash And Dangerous Reforms Achievement - have Sordland lose reforms in Assembly votes & have Royal Council turn down Romus' reforms unanimously.
• Old Habits Die Hard Achievement - Have a glass of wine before Walter Tusk enters Accept Walter's cigar offer Have tea after adjusting EPA Drink wine with Business Council Accept Kisha offer from Smolak f. accept Petr's offer of a glass of something Accept Alvarez's drink offer ["Are you drinking, Mr. President dialogue choice] Accept Walker's "stronger wine" As Romus:drink wine from Romus the Red Lose the pick wrong answers in a game with your Council to trigger taking shots Agree/accept Wiktor's Kisha offer (or something in between "I'll leave the smoking to the Queen Mother" dialogue choice High Tea with Beatrice.
• It's All All About The Money, Money Money (song) / A Money Must Be Funny In A Rich Man's World (song) Achievement - As Anton - accept bribe from Tusk, bribe Albin, bribe Frens, bribe Garaci As Romus, accept bribe from Rusty.
• Two Heads On A Platter Achievement - be assassinated (by Oligarchs / Bluds) as Anton; as Romus, when provoking revolutionists/militants with your speech to shoot you, than abdicating.
• "For the Oppressed!" Achievement - ban YS, assassinate Kesaro with SSP, impeach Hawker, capital punishment on Soll, denounce Su Omina and jail Rico under Rizia's custody.
• "They Rayne-diculously Tore Us, Toras!" Achievement - be infamous as Anton and Romus [low PO, low economy, negative budget, trigger Katarina/the red's Unrest Populace and fail to contain them as Anton; trigger violent protests in provinces and fail to unify Pales back to Rizia despite Vina's marriage to Axel].
• Two Coups and a Lie / Acquainted/Besties in Kyrute Achievement - trigger coup and exile in Kyrute with your families as Anton and Romus (fund Lucita/cops to be able to bring her with you!).
• Unjust Proceedings Achievement - defund military, join CSP, transfer Gendermarie to Interior despite being warned and jail Soll via Grecer, reinstate capital punishment [Valken Coup] As Romus, train much men from Turn 1 to 10, increase levies, execute Lucita (to trigger Taddeus coup) and prepare to be guillotined (epilogue).
• Bibliophile Women & Their Rubbish Books Achievement - defy / disgust over Monica reading Malenyevist/Valgish book; do not let Vina be sit-in to your Council and confiscate the book. Don't let her be a part of Council
• "In Loving Memories Of..." / "Any Father's Nightmare" / "The Burden That Fathers Bear" Achievement - As Anton, be strict/mean to Franc at every given turn and send Franc to military school but lose the war against Rumburg (Franc dies) As Romus: Go home instead of letting her dance with Manus. Lure her with approving Vina's relationship with Manus in one condition: Vina to Pales as liaison, do not jail Lucita for false flag, prepare for war and use assault strike than covert op (Vina dies)
• Torn & Betrayed / "Where Do Broken Hearts Go?" Achievement

As Anton:

1. Support Monica on Prologue.
2. Have shady deals (Monica is your primary leaker; when you and Serge/Petr watching FC Anrica game, they be lying down on the ground in protest against you)
3. Turn down Monica's speech
4. Apologize and let Curtan Leste continue his speech (make Monica helpless)
5. Outright gun WLA down. Say no, than showing support and vetoing WLA on later game. Don't fund Women's Committee 6)Let Monica divorce you. 6) Leak Monica's racy photos on epilogue

As Romus:

1. Be a Party Prince
2. Have ocassional affairs
3. Go to your other woman instead than attend Vina's birthday(?). Rushing as you go to Lena and she dies in your arms.

With Vina:

1. Be indifferent with Manus at every given turn
2. Do not let her dance with Manus
3. Disapprove her relationship with Manus
4. Arrest Manus with Golden Guard
5. Execute Manus

With Lucita

1. Kiss Lucita after playing a game with the Council, post-Wine event
2. Be in a relationship / Date Lucita
3. Break up with Lucita on later game

• Shame Isn't The Name of The Game Achievement -

1. As Anton, lose the war against Rumburg (Franc studying somewhere else)
2. As Romus, lose the war against Pales (Vina is not your liaison to Pales)

• Crucified In The Name Of Reformation Achievement - trigger a reform coup/ambush as Romus

Overall, what do you guys think? 🥹😅

Aside from one of my cousins in Texas and my mom, I think it’s safe to say my family forgot me this year.
This includes one cousin on my dad’s side who turned 40 last Thursday and another on my mom’s side who turned 50 on Saturday. Both thanked me when I wished them a happy birthday. We have a couple of alcoholics in a few strategic positions in the family tree, and people show up inconsistently for each other if at all, although everyone did make more of an effort when we were all younger.
My boyfriend’s family DID show up for me this year, including his stepmom who sent a beautiful handwritten card.
He is taking off work early to watch me perform a few ballroom routines at the dance studio I go to (it’s our big semi-annual student recital tonight) and then he, his brother and I are running the Bay to Breakers on Sunday. I’m going dressed as Sally O’Malley.
I always try to remember people and will shoot a text, go out to dinner, so I truly appreciate these folks.

So I'm 20F, rooming with my 2 western female friends from highschool. I view them as people who are close to me. This year I went to my home country and bought souvenirs for them. 2 cute Japanese pens, 2 lucky charms, a set of Japanese notebooks and erasers, asian snacks and etc. I bought them gifts bcs I love my friends and they deserved it. Also for their birthday I gave one of them a figurine of a character she likes and the other one hairpins and a DIY diorama. Overall I spent $100+ on gifts.
Months later they both went on holiday together. I was super excited for my gift because they were hyping it up. But I was so disappointed when they handed me a little rolling pin that they split their money for. I don't want to be ungrateful but we already have 2 rolling pins in the house. And for my bday, they gifted me nothing. I know I shouldn't expect any gifts in return for gifting others, but I can't help feeling really sad about it. I feel selfish for wishing smth more thoughtful. It's not about the cost of the physical object I'm upset about, but how they view me as a friend, shown through their souvenir. AITAH for being disappointed?
Tl;dr: Our roomate situation isn't great either bcs I'm the one doing most of the cleaning while they create more mess in the house. Got into a huge argument bcs I told one of them to wash the moldy plates that's been in the sink for 3 weeks. She keeps telling me she's busy even though she's on fortnight.

DISCLAIMER: I did not transcribe this myself, though I could. I had a machine do it, and then the machine threw up afterwards -- but I did go through and add some bullety points while Jamie shot off her mouth. It's a total word salad, but one has only to skim through and see the number of ways she yawns and yawps and contradicts herself ... and does not take a breath, so there is very little punctuation. Again it's a run-on slog and the AI program chose to only use periods to end 70-some sentences because of all the run-on "like ... you know ... and ... but" instances as she ran with it -- with NO BOUNDARIES WHATSOVER. I did take out the kids' names, and I did search-and-replace all instances of "to" with "tuh" because that IS how they talk!
ENJOY -- and I use that word lightly:
AND SO IT BEGINS WITH Doug wishing Happy Mother's Day … and immediately Jamie corrects him, "Well, not really Mother's Day …" since they are recording after Mother's Day. Got get those Doug corrections in toot sweet, lest he thinks he has a mind of his own.
They note they tend to be "a little late on things," but they are "trying to get better about that." Doug says they had a fantastic Mother's Day, and he asked her if she had a good time. She said she had a great time. Doug wrote Happy Mother's Day on some cards and the kids drew on them. He gave her an eyelash waxing and noted probably a bad idea. She said it wasn't that she wasn't thrilled as she did mention that pregnancy makes her eyebrows bushy, but she was scared, maybe just mentioned she'd need to tweeze, but oh, well, yes, she likes his gift.
Jamie noted that it was "just the four of us" and of course, the babies in her belly, and that was fine with her – until her son's birthday of course, when she noted that their entire families suck!
So onto her son's birthdays and THESE GEMS AND THOUGHTS: I think it's just pregnancy hormones, but honestly, like, I just, I just can't, like, I don't know why, like, I guess, like, you know, ever since I was little, I've always really, really wanted family, like, so badly, like, I wanted just, like, deep connections with people who truly love me, and I truly love them, and we just really, truly support each other, and just, I don't know, I think, like, just pregnancy hormones made me think about it, but, like, yesterday for Son's birthday, and just family members who just completely forgot, and they just don't care, and I'm like, is it me? Is it him?
Like, and I don't want my son tuh grow, like, he doesn't know, and he'll never know, because I'll make sure, I mean, I spent every second, that boy had no second tuh think yesterday, like, I picked him up from school, and I took him tuh the library, because that's where he wanted tuh go, and then we, like, you know, we really love surprises in this family, if that's not clear by now, and so Daughter and I surprised him with a splash pad, like, we went tuh the splash pad for the first time, and we never do things like that on a school night, and so, and then he got tuh go pick out a cake that he wanted, and then Doug had dinner already at home, and then also we had decorations in his bedroom, which I was, like, hoping tuh have for the morning, but then Doug was, like, at, like, midnight, when we're, like, thinking about starting tuh blow up the balloons, Doug is like, Jamie, let's just surprise him tomorrow after school.

(Notice she takes no breath … and also they were super-last minute when it came tuh getting ready for his birthday, versus, what we have all mentioned, that isn't so when it's a gender reveal or a party or pickleball or something FOR HER.)
HERE, DOUG ASKS … "WHY, ARE WE GONNA DO THIS NOW?" AND THIS WAS PRETTY MUCH THE LAST EFFORT HE MADE tuh STOP HER BECAUSE SHE WENT ON WITH: Yeah, because it was so late, but I was like, I just have, like, this vision that I just wanted for him, because, you know, I'm just trying tuh give them the childhood that, like, I would have wanted, that any little kid would want, and really all that involves is truly just two loving parents who are there, and, like, that's really all that really involves, but if I can go a little extra, you know, and surprise him, and I, then I want to, you know, and so, you know.
DOUG NOTES THAT HE DOESN'T THINK THEY KNOW ANY DIFFERENT, AND HE CONTINUES WITH: I don't think they really know any different, you know, and I know, I know it's, it's tough, and I think, especially with, like, little kids, you know, they, they won't necessarily feel the impact and that want, you know, and, and I know that you do, and it, it hurts me that, you know, you would, you would want people tuh care enough to, tuh reach out, and I think, you know, for, for me, I, that's, I don't really set my expectations or, or give those expectations tuh son and daughter.
JAMIE BLASTS BACK, SUPER-DEFENSIVELY: Oh, I do not either, though. I do not at all. I don't say a thing tuh them about anything, because, you know, sometimes people miss their – you know, and that happens sometimes, but when it's, like, over, and over, and over again, and, like, it's just so obvious, and, and people ask us why we moved tuh Florida, and don't we want tuh be near family, and, you know, tuh be very honest, this is why.
Like, we, you know, I, we would fly up there tuh try tuh prove, like, hey, listen, we're not just trying tuh leave, though. Like, we, we, I want that family connection so badly with your family, with my family, and it's just, you know, unfortunately, it's, people are in different stages of life. I try tuh make excuses, like, for them, and, you know, for us, and it's probably not personal, but the point of the matter is, is that whether it's not personal, and people are busy, and whatever the case may be, we don't have that family connection.
We just don't, and I'm, I try tuh nurture it, and, um, you know, and we do with some family members, and then just others, you know, you just, it's just. Well, you can't help but be disappointed. Yeah, and, like, I guess my heart hurts, because I want our son, and our daughter, and our children tuh have just so many people who love them, and want tuh be around them, and who will encourage them, and support them, and.
DOUG NOTES THAT HE THINKS FAMILY KNOW ALL OF THIS AND THAT THEY, THE KIDS KNOW HOW MUCH LOVE THEY HAVE FOR THEM, AND ALL THE EFFORTS THEY PUT FORTH, AND HERE HE SAYS, "Especially you," AND THAT ALL OF THIS IS WHAT MATTERS MOST.
JAMIE'S REBUTTAL: Yeah, I know, but Doug, what I'm trying tuh say is that, like, what I would want for them is them tuh have many people who love them, and, like, you know, like, I always wanted, you know, it's not even a secret, like, way back, I'm married at first, like, the one thing I wanted was tuh marry into a family, like, a big loving family that would welcome me as their own, and, and I'm really thankful for your family, and, yeah, but, like, I just feel like, like, I want that for our kids. Like, I wanted them tuh have people who loved them, who wanted tuh come around them.
Like, my, my siblings and I really didn't have many aunts or uncles or grandparents who, I mean, you know, it's kind of, it's so long, because, like, there are some people who were there, but it was, like, toxic, and aye, aye, aye, it's just, you know, it's just, at the end of the day, I'm pregnant, and it's just hormones, and I know our kids feel nothing but loved, but it's just really evident, like, on a birthday or holidays, like, people who, who actually, like, family who actually truly cares for us, and, like, all I've ever wanted was just our, like, I, I don't know why I care about these people caring about me, when, like, they don't care, and it's okay, and that's, that's, it's okay.
Like, it, I'm trying so hard tuh just be, like, accept it, girl. Like, you know, you can't force family tuh love you.
JAMIE TRIES TO DIFFUSE THE TIMEBOMB SITUATION THAT IS HIS WIFE, CLEARLY GOING OFF ON EVERYBODY BY SAYING HE KNOWS THAT SHE DOESN'T WANT THIS FOR THEM BUT THAT THEY, THE KIDS, DON'T EVEN NOW ABOUT ALL OF THIS RIGHT NOW.
JAMIE'S REBUTTAL: Well, I know they don't, and so, at the end of the day, I was, like, sitting in bed crying earlier, and I was, like, what is wrong with me, because I know my son had a great birthday yesterday. Like, I made sure of it.
DOUG NOTES SHE "KILLED IT, YESTERDAY."
JAMIE BLASTS ON: At the end of the day, I think, like, it's a personal thing, because it's, like, they don't care about me, and therefore, they don't care about my son, and that hurts, you know? Like, it's just hurtful, and not, because I care about them, and I love them, and I've tried so hard tuh be part of them, and, and try to, like, I've tried changing my ways. I've tried tuh adapt tuh be more like them.
I've tried all these different things. At the end of the day, nothing I do, like, I may as well just be myself, and, and, because if I have tried tuh be like them, they don't like me. If I try tuh be myself, they don't like me.
Like, no matter what, like, I don't feel like, I feel like they're, I'm just kind of judged by them in the way that I live my life, and anyways, it's fine, but.
DOUG COUNTERS IT WITH THE FACT THAT JAMIE GOES "ABOVE AND BEYOND FOR EVERYBODY," AND THAT IT'S TOUGH THAT SHE "WANTS OR EXPECTS THAT IN RETURN," BUT NOTES THAT THIS IS ALSO MAYBE WHERE THE "BOUNDARIES" LIE … cool, they now have a title for the podcast!
JAMIE CONTINUES tuh BLAST: Well, no, of course, and this is exactly why I'm also crying happy tears, because for so long, I just really tried tuh nurture, like, a true, like, true family, and deep connection, and like, try tuh be, like, really close, and, and it's like, well, if you're the only person nurturing that, you're bound tuh get hurt. It's bound, it's not going tuh happen ever, because it has tuh be a two-way street, and so, unfortunately, like, I started putting up boundaries, and I knew it was going tuh hurt, and like, here it is. It's, it's hurting, you know, like, and then inevitably, they'll be like, you know, you moved tuh Florida, but even when we didn't live in Florida, let's be honest, like, we didn't see family very often, unless, like, it was, it just, unless it was us going places, and then even when we moved here, I would fly up there.
I flew up, we were flying up there, like, once a month. It was so expensive. It was so taxing, but I just wanted to, tuh kind of prove, hey, listen, like, but, you know, I'm so glad we moved here, because at the end of the day, you know, even if we never even find our own people, like, our focus is on our core family, like, we had zero distractions for Son yesterday, like, his birthday was the hundred, like, and it's just, that feels good, because normally, we wouldn't have that. Yeah, normally, I would be cleaning the house, trying tuh prep for people tuh come over, who I would have called 10 times, make sure they remember that he's coming, and it's like, or that his birthday is coming, and it's like, it's just, you know, this is such a vulnerable, I don't even know if I want tuh share any of this, because it's just so personal, but.
DOUG NOTES THAT ALL REFLECTS MORE ABOUT OTHERS AND NOT AN ATTACK ON JAMIE.
AND YET JAMIE CONTINUES TO DEFLECT AND ATTACK: No, I don't think it is either, but it's just very evident where people, like, if people care about us and our family, I don't think they actually, that's the thing, is they don't, like, and so, they're not thinking about it one way or the other, it doesn't even matter tuh them, and that's what hurts, because I wish that they cared about us the way that we cared about them, but they don't, and so, that's why I'm trying tuh have the boundaries tuh be like, find people who will care about you then, or just focus on your own family, and if people wonder why I want so many kids, well, there you go. People constantly say, why don't you love the two you have?
Oh, of course I do, and I'll tell you what, I want tuh have 10 more, because I want tuh raise them in a way where we love each other, we're always there for each other, we don't forget. It's just silly little milestones, it's not about presents, it's not about anything other than just love, and remembrance, and just, like, celebrating each other, and I am going tuh raise my kids tuh just really love each other, and tuh know that their parents love them, but God forbid, one of us are taken, and then, then it's like, I think about things like that, and I'm like, who do they have if they don't have us? Like, seriously, and that scares the crap out of me, because there are very few people who even remember, like, and tuh me, it's just a birthday, I know, it doesn't really matter, but like, that's of significance tuh that child, and people just don't care, like, they just, our fam, so many of our family members just don't care. Well, we make, we make it, and then I'm like, am I making a mountain out of a molehill, but like, and am I?
DOUG ALSO THINKS ABOUT THEM "DEPARTING EARLY" AND WHAT HAPPENS tuh THEM.
JAMIE BUSTS BACK IN, AND STARTS tuh TALK ABOUT "ESTATE PLANNING," WHICH SORT OF MADE ME SIDEYE BECAUSE SHE GOES ON tuh TALK ABOUT THE KIDS AND WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO THEM, AS IF THEY WERE PART OF THE "ESTATE," BUT I GUESS SINCE THEY ARE THE MONEYMAKERS SHE THINKS OF IT MORE IN THAT WAY THAN GUARDIANSHIP PAPERWORK … AND SO SHE CONTINUES: Well, when you think about estate planning, and then who you're leaving your kids to, and I'm like, who can I leave my kids to, who are really going tuh love them, and the people right now didn't even call tuh wish him happy birthday, they didn't even call tuh wish him a happy birthday, they didn't send a gift, and it's not even about the gift, but it's about the thought, who do we have in our life, Doug? I don't think it's, you know, I ask if I think I'm making a mountain out of a molehill, but then I, like, I almost, like, talk, like, convince myself that, no, I'm not, like, I'm really trying tuh make sure that our kids are taken, like, loved and taken care of, and sure, we've got it out, down pat, but what happens, like, then what?
And like, I'm not gonna go down that rabbit hole, and I'm sure this is all pregnancy hormones, and I'm just exhausted and tired, so, but I just think about these things, and then, and then people wonder why I am so thankful for our followers, for those of you listening tuh the podcast, and those of you who follow us on Instagram and YouTube, and who are just excited for us, because a lot of our own family members aren't, like, it's just wild, and so, yeah, and so thank you for those of you listening, and for those of you who comment, and just, you know, just are excited to, like, like, tuh be part of our family, like, because we have forever been looking for that, and, like, our family's just not that interested, and we could try, and try, and try.
DOUG: Out of sight, out of mind.
JAMIE BINGOS!!!!! THAT THOUGHT AND CONTINUES: Yeah, it's, and it's fine, but I'll tell you what, I genuinely do appreciate every single five-star review, every single, like, nudge that you just, every single moment that you take out of your life just tuh be like, hey, what's up with Jamie, you know, and that's why I try tuh do giveaways, and I try to, you know, like, read your five-star reviews, and I try tuh show you that I genuinely care about you, too, because I really think that it is a two-way street with everything in life, like, so whether it's, you know, family, it's friends, it's working, it's, we're colleagues, like, if someone is showing you a lot of, you know, any support, or encouragement, or care, like, then that's the person that you should then go show love, support, and encouragement, and care to, whether they're family or not, and unfortunately, if family doesn't seem tuh show you that, well, then you do have tuh set up boundaries, and it hurts, like, h-e-l-l, because then you'll start to, when you stop reaching out as much, well, then you'll start seeing that your relationship becomes even more distant, but you can't constantly break your back tuh try tuh make relationships.
DOUG NOTES THAT THEY EITHER STEP UP OR DON'T, AND THAT’S WHERE IT LANDS.
JAMIE CONTINUES: Yeah, but from what, from my experience, from what we've experienced, you know, no one really steps up, and it's pretty evident when you start, when you realize you have tuh make a boundary with a person, like, just know in your heart that it's gonna hurt, like, you know, and I'm sure that we're, I'm not the only person going through this, and that's, I think, why it's important tuh share, is that, you know, because it's hard tuh share these things.
It's embarrassing. It's, I feel, it's almost, like, belittling. It's like, like, you know, it's like you're, you're sharing that you're rejected, essentially.
Who wants tuh share that? Like, who wants tuh admit that? But the truth is, is that we all have been there, and so I think that the biggest way tuh heal, and what I've learned is, of course, tuh find, to, like, lean in on the people who don't, like, desert you, betray you, talk behind your back.
I mean, that's the thing, is people who also, who are there, but they're really, like, kind of a snake in disguise, and, like, it's, like, like, they, it seems like they're there for you, but then behind, but you're walking on eggshells around them, because you know that they're saying things behind your back, and that's not, that's not healthy either, and so what I've really tried tuh do is really just focus on people that have really just been loving and nurturing, and the more people are loving and nurturing tuh me, whether they're family or not, the more I will lead, like, reach into them, and...
DOUG BUSTS IN TO TAKE A "QUICK PAUSE" FOR AN AD, IRONICALLY ABOUT INVESTING AND GOOD FINANCIAL HYGEINE.
JAMIE GETS RIGHT BACK TO IT: Of course, holidays and birthdays are tough because like you want like my mom like I mean forget it but like I love her and she's doing the best she can but like you know it's like I don't know I guess it's because I'm pregnant and then like when you become a mom and you just think about this relationship and it's like I just have always wanted that relationship with my mom and of course I know real like logically it's not gonna happen but anyways it's um it's just hard but anyways what I was trying tuh say tuh you though listening is like if you're going through this type of situation like just know that you're doing the right thing by kind of putting the boundaries up and then kind of you know you got tuh focus on gratitude more than anything else and so I consistently try tuh remind myself tuh be thankful that I am alive I'm able tuh be there for my kids my son has no idea who remembered and who forgot his birthday but of course he knows who he talked tuh but like you know I, I know that he had the most spectacular day yesterday and I made darn well sure of it and it literally cost me like zero dollars tuh it's not like it has tuh be expensive it wasn't extravagant we went tuh the library which is free and then we went tuh a free splash pad that's in our city and slash playground yeah, yeah and he had a great time so it's like people it's because the other thing people say well if you can afford tuh give them that it's like it doesn't you can find ways tuh live tuh like really bless your family and your kids without having tuh spend boatloads of money um but the biggest message and takeaway of this all and I guess of like I we never planned on sharing any of this we were planning on sharing about mother's day and
DOUG DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT tuh SAY, BUT SHE NEEDS tuh KNOW HOW PROUD HE IS OF HER, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH …
SHE THANKS HIM QUICKLY AND THEN GETS ON WITH HIS always getting by my side and like when I'm thankful for you when I started you know going tuh therapy and, and I mean forever ago I'm telling you forever ago when we were first married and I first started going tuh a therapist outside of married at first sight she told me she looked me in the eyes and she said Jamie like they might be family but they're not your people and you gotta go find your people and I didn't want tuh believe her I didn't want I literally just said you know thanks but no thanks essentially and I'm gonna try my best tuh turn this family into mine because I want this connection and I want this and I wish I could have saved myself all those years by just listening tuh her and you know finding my own people who, who do love and support me for who I am who I don't have tuh like I can just don't have tuh walk on eggshells I don't have tuh try tuh be anybody else I can just be myself and they'll see like the good in that and they'll like it you know and, and not everyone's for everyone and that's okay and I just try tuh remind myself that but anyways um yeah you've always stood by my side so thank you I see you I'll always be by your side I just like sometimes doubt like if like you know like, like, like what have I done like am I a bad person like did I like what have I done this has nothing
DOUG NOTES THAT THEY'D FIND PEOPLE "DOWN HERE" IN FLORIDA, AND THAT THEY BOTH KNEW IT WOULD NOT HAPPEN OVERNIGHT, THAT REALLY MEANINGFUL BONDS TAKE TIME, BUT THEY ARE IN THE BEST POSSIBLE POSITION TO BUILD A COMMUNITY AND MAKE STRONG FRIENDS THEY CONSIDER TO BE FAMILY, AMAZING PEOPLE, AND THERE ARE KIDS TOO, AND THEY CAN WATCH EVERYONE GROW UP TOGETHER … AND HE THINKS, "That's kind of the point of, of moving tuh Florida find community find our people and also find out you know who would be there with us and for us and …"
JAMIE BLASTS BACK: It has nothing tuh do with you or who you are well the truth is, is obviously it does because these people don't enjoy being around me so then therefore they don't enjoy remembering our kids and or me whatever I guess I think I'm just really hormonal and emotional but I guess I just feel incredibly rejected and like I've done something wrong but I also know at the same exact breath that this has been happening for years and years and years where I've really
DOUG NOTES JAMIE HAS "TRIED SO HARD" AND THAT IT'S NOTHING THAT SHE DID.
JAMIE BLATHERS BACK THAT IT'S NOT REALLY THAT THEY'VE DONE ANYTHING WRONG, BUT … we just don't jive and I guess you know we have different we're different people and we can't force it yeah and so there's very little control that we have over it other than us being us yeah and so but you know but I guess this is like the healing part that everyone talks about with boundaries that's so painful like it's so painful because when you want something so bad and like I think it's like wired in me because it's family and like I really want tuh support family and love family and be there for them and but then it's like but it's just not there in return and you could just spend your whole life searching for it and or you could kind of put up a boundary and, and stop allowing that tuh continue tuh hurt you and find people who are genuinely happy tuh be around you and so needless tuh say for those of you listening if - if you're in this boat with someone whether it's parents siblings aunts uncles cousins I don't know or even long-time friends who you think are quote-unquote friends but you know things change or who knows I mean it's so darn hurtful but I really believe at the end of the day that I mean I was I spent years and years and years trying my darnedest and now I'm like if I, If I could give like an inkling of that effort tuh someone who gives an inkling of the effort back tuh me like the just the joy and happiness that could come from that or just like the stability and also like I did try changing myself tuh kind of be more like them tuh have more in common with them and it just I can tell you right now if you're trying tuh do that that's not gonna work either like it's hard unfortunately you just gotta be yourself in this world you gotta love with your whole heart and, and be selfless you know you can't expect people tuh just care about you if you don't care about them of course you gotta show up for people you gotta really like put yourself out there for them but if you consistently do that and you're not getting any of it in return you gotta change your path and it's the hardest thing in the world tuh do but you know tuh be very, very honest like going tuh bed with Doug last night after Son's birthday and like just everything that went down and whatnot I was just like and this is why we live in Florida this is why we moved here because this this served our core family more so than trying tuh fit a round peg into a square everyone else's schedule and everybody else's lives it's just you know and it's and I'm incredibly thankful tuh your sister and tuh your mom and your dad of course because they did reach out and that's just really, really kind like they called and they just show that they really care and that really means the whole wide world tuh me and like regardless of what they think of me like they love our kids and that's really all that
DOUG NOTES WHAT MATTERS IS-AND MAYBE THEY NEED TO BELIEVE IN SOME KIND OF "HIGHER PURPOSE," BUT HE DOESN'T CONSIDER IT ALL "WASTED TIME OR ENERGY," AND THAT IT MAYBE HAPPENED THE WAY IT'S SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN AND FOR JAMIE TO GIVE …
AND SHE CUTS HIM OFF TO SAY THAT THIS MESSAGE CAN help others. I've really kind of like avoided being this vulnerable lately because I feel like there are some people who just really don't like me and it's been brought tuh my attention and just no matter what I do they really don't like me and I guess like everybody has quote-unquote haters but it hurts my heart a little bit and I don't know but, but the truth is, is like just like I said before what I learned in this the certain boundaries that I've talked about before is that you really can't change who you are in the hopes that people will start tuh approve of you because they're never like the people who just choose that they don't like you and they just choose tuh find your faults will always like they will always see your faults and they will always yeah there's no convincing them otherwise and that's and if you're listening tuh this like this is the truth for all of us is that when you're looking for the good in life you're gonna find the good and you can focus on that and try tuh get like more of that and garner more of that but if you're focused on the negative whether it's in life or with your spouse or with a friend or at the workplace you're gonna find that and so if so sometimes if you've you know if you see that you're consistently feeling like you have quote-unquote bad luck or that this person's being wrong tuh you or they're not caring about you will try tuh think about the good that they do and, and, and so truly like for me with these whole boundary things like I've tried just I tried tuh kind of I've already tried that with some of these family members that just don't seem tuh care and um and, and so that's and then that's when the hurt comes is you know when you realize oh yeah you're actually all right and you are onto something and for whatever reason their life isn't aligning with yours and it's and that's okay but it doesn't mean it's not gonna hurt a little bit for the person who like wants it tuh be there but that's when you go out and find someone who wants tuh align their life with you or maybe their life already aligns and they just and you can serve each other you can love each other you can be there for each other and whether it's blood related or not like that will serve you better in life and so that's kind of where I think Doug and I are right now um but also for, for you listening if, if you're just finding yourself in this situation too just try tuh make sure you're not just trying tuh find the fault in someone because you don't want tuh get caught in that rabbit hole and there are people out there who just want tuh find the negative and then there are people out there who cut that down like don't allow that tuh happen tuh yourself because you will be miserable your whole life hating on someone else and just constantly finding their faults and constantly complaining about them is never going tuh bring you true happiness it really isn't and so think about you know yourself and like what you can do differently and try tuh bring the positive and so yeah I haven't been as vulnerable lately because it's been hard tuh be very honest tuh just share like my heart and then people are just going tuh attack me for it you know I'm sure but um but my goal in sharing this if we end up sharing this is that it helps the one person out there or I'm sure several really who are in the same exact boat who are you know trying tuh keep a friend that they've had forever but that friend's just not there or trying tuh maintain a relationship with one of your parents or your siblings or it shouldn't be hard it shouldn't be and you shouldn't have tuh change who you are and if you do then that's really just not the right person for you and, and you can talk tuh them about it of course and then if they're just combative, at the end of the day, I just say the best advice is find a therapist, and this book called Boundaries, and it's a little religious, and also a little kind of like, whoa, but I'm telling you, Chapter One, just give it – if you don’t' like it after that, don't even try, but like Chapter One, I was like, wow, I can see so much of myself in this, and I can see how could change, and I've got tuh promise you that it's been hurt along the way, but I have – we have, and our family has more positive days now than stressful, trying tuh like pull people in who don't really want tuh be there, trying tuh help them remember because they're gonna forget, like it's just – like yesterday was like the least stressful day ever, and we didn't have one person coming tuh our – or even Mother's Day, it was just us four, and you know, before I had kids, and I think – I saw someone else write this, but like before I had kids, I looked at the world as like everyone I encountered, and how can I be helpful tuh them, and that – like, but now it's like my world is my husband and my children. My world is within my four walls, and how do I love them and support them the best that I possible can, tuh help them become good – eventually like good husbands, a good wife, good mothers, good fathers, and good, good family members, and so …
DOUG IS SO PROUD OF HER AND THINKS SHE SHOULD ALSO BE PROUD OF HERSELF BECAUSE OF "HOW MUCH YOU HAVE GROWN FROM PEOPLE STARTING TO COMMENT ON SOCIAL MEDIA, AND YOU TRYING TO BRING THEM BACK OVER TO YOUR SIDE TO RECOGNIZING THE TOXICITY OF IT, AND SETTING BOUNDARIES." HE HAS TO TELL HER THAT IN THE PAST COUPLE OF YEARS, SHE HAS "SPREAD MORE POSITIVITY, IN MY MIND, THAN ANYBODY, FOCUSING ON BEING THANKFUL AND GRATEFUL," AND A MESSAGE SHE IS PASSING ONTO THE KIDS WHO ARE REALLY STARTING tuh THINK ABOUT IT AND FOCUS ON IT, AND IT'S "DRIVEN BY YOU."
MORE RASPY WHINY TEARY VOICE: Oh, Gosh, Doug's that's the nicest comment that I could have ever received because I really want that for them … yeah, because I – because we could all fall into that where you see the negative and you just kind of focus on that, and I'm trying so hard not to, and tuh just – you know, pray more, and even meditate, and that has nothing tuh do with prayer, but like just rewire my brain tuh like the positive things and finding the positive and helping others, also because – honestly, and I want tuh raise my kid where they are not seeing the negative, they're seeing the positive in situations because life, regardless of who loves you, how much money you have, what home you live in, what car you drive, life is so much better when you're able tuh see the positive and you're able to, like lean into that more, and you're able tuh then attract people who are like that, and the Negative Nellies are just going tuh always be there talking their smack about you, and that's fine, but like, if you can find the positive, you can focus on that, and you're going tuh have such a happier life, and the Negative Nellies, unfortunately, like I still pray for them, I still hope for them, because it's sad – like they're not living a happy life. You can't be a hater tuh all these people and be happy. It's sad.
DOUG THINKS THEY ARE "living proof of it, because once we started tuh focus on happy, once we started focusing on being thankful and grateful, the people that we attracted are the people that we would want tuh be with … didn't happen overnight, but as soon as we started tuh rethink that, and really try tuh be positive and do positive things, and our prayers and with the kids and being thankful and finding good, and gratitude, you know, we attracted people into our lives that, you know, are going tuh be there – I mean, I feel these are now lifelong friends, and you know, all of that was attracted, and there has got tuh be something tuh that."
THE END, THEY MUST GO PICK UP THEIR DAUGHTER BUT ONLY AFTER THE FIVE-STAR REVIEW AND THEN "SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!"
DELUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSIONAL – THE BOTH OF THEM! And according to the AI program Jamie talks more than 90 percent of the time, and Dud, hardly ever.