I feel myself videos
The8BitRyanReddit
2020.01.01 21:25 8-BitRyan- The8BitRyanReddit
This is the official subreddit for YouTuber 8-BitRyan! Feel free to share your memes, funny video clips for myself and others to react and enjoy, whatever they may be about (and also potentially be featured in 8-BitRyan videos). Be sure to read the rules!
2011.04.17 07:19 golgar Shameless Guitar Glamor Shots
Where guitars get more attention than your latest Tinder match.
2010.02.27 05:23 Meades_Loves_Memes r/teenagers
teenagers is the biggest community forum run by teenagers for teenagers. Our subreddit is primarily for discussions and memes that an average teenager would enjoy to discuss about. We do not have any age-restriction in place but do keep in mind this is targeted for users between the ages of 13 to 19. Parents, teachers, and the like are welcomed to participate and ask any questions!
2024.05.19 06:28 soulmeetsbody_ 30[F4M]California/Anywhere - Seeking a _____ for the end of the world…
Fill in the blanks as you wish. I’ve posted here before and had good luck, and bad luck, and in between luck. I’m seeking a genuine connection. Not a rushed love story, not someone who only talks about themselves, but witty banter, light flirting and whatever else comes from that.
Some things that fill my cup are: •My gym routine - I’m dedicated to being strong - trying to prep for my old lady body.
•Craft Beer - I love breweries and trying new beers. My primary go to being IPAs
•Coffee - I take it a million different ways, I’m not a purist by any means.
•My Pets - I have a mutt and a cat (also a mutt).
•Live Music - I’ve been to over 200 concerts/shows/gigs and a few music festivals.
•Dive Bars and nights that never end - does this even need an explanation?
•Baseball and football - I can actually say Bay Area sports and people won’t have to guess anymore, so there’s that.
There is so much more to me and I’m very happy to discuss all of that. The only things that are a hard no for me are anime and video games. I don’t like either. I find that I’ve been told I’m charismatic, sassy and pretty funny.
I feel like transparency is important, I’m chubby. It’s not something I dislike about myself, but I understand if it’s not your type. Here is me - I don’t have too many pictures of me doing things because I’m always the one behind the camera for others: https://imgur.com/a/zRHIu54
Age range is 26+
If this sounds like a good time, or I sound like someone you’d get along with, let’s see where it goes. Chats preferred to start, other stuff can potentially be shared later. I don’t respond to low effort messages.
submitted by soulmeetsbody_ to r4r [link] [comments]
Some things that fill my cup are: •My gym routine - I’m dedicated to being strong - trying to prep for my old lady body.
•Craft Beer - I love breweries and trying new beers. My primary go to being IPAs
•Coffee - I take it a million different ways, I’m not a purist by any means.
•My Pets - I have a mutt and a cat (also a mutt).
•Live Music - I’ve been to over 200 concerts/shows/gigs and a few music festivals.
•Dive Bars and nights that never end - does this even need an explanation?
•Baseball and football - I can actually say Bay Area sports and people won’t have to guess anymore, so there’s that.
There is so much more to me and I’m very happy to discuss all of that. The only things that are a hard no for me are anime and video games. I don’t like either. I find that I’ve been told I’m charismatic, sassy and pretty funny.
I feel like transparency is important, I’m chubby. It’s not something I dislike about myself, but I understand if it’s not your type. Here is me - I don’t have too many pictures of me doing things because I’m always the one behind the camera for others: https://imgur.com/a/zRHIu54
Age range is 26+
If this sounds like a good time, or I sound like someone you’d get along with, let’s see where it goes. Chats preferred to start, other stuff can potentially be shared later. I don’t respond to low effort messages.
2024.05.19 06:27 mrdrprofhog Stuff that helped me get better
I posted in this sub a few times last year when I was really going through it. Brain fog, anxiety, fatigue, vision issues, debilitating headaches and hyper sensitivity (“mini” concussions from small bumps of the head). I had 4-5 concussions over the course of 3 years, with 3 of those occurring within 2 months of each other. Outside of some lingering neck issues, I’ve made a full recovery and want to share what worked for me.
Please don’t let this long list stress you out though. There were days when getting out of bed in the morning felt like an accomplishment. Every recovery is different and only you can know what your body and brain are feeling.
Commitment After my most recent injury I decided that getting better was the most important thing in my life and I completely dedicated myself to my recovery. That’s why this list is as long as it is — I decided I was going to try everything.
Research Learning about concussions is a great place to start! It really helped me plan my course of action and think rationally about recovery. This sub is a great source of knowledge. Complete concussion management on YouTube has some great intro videos too.
Exercise I think that exercise was the #1 most important factor in my recovery. I started by going on short daily walks and doing light yoga in my house and eventually built up to 2x cardio 3x weightlifting 2x yoga every week. I got in the habit of exercising early in the day and felt like it really helped with my mental energy throughout the day.
Diet I tried to eat an anti inflammatory diet but it was hard (I really love to eat lol). I couldn’t go completely keto but I cut out carbs where I could and made an effort to cook all of my own meals with a lot of protein and vegetables. Avocado and olive oils give you omega 9s which are important for omega 3 absorption. I also didn’t really drink at all.
Supplements I don’t know exactly what worked and what didn’t but you should definitely be taking omega 3 (and probably creatine). My stack: - 4000 mg Nordic Naturals omega 3. Can cut down to normal dose after a couple months - 5 mg creatine monohydrate - 2000 mg magnesium l-theronate - 1g ImmPower AHCC (mushroom-based immune supplement) - 125 mcg vitamin d3 - Multivitamin - Dietary fiber + probiotic (gut health is important)
CBD Only way I could get to sleep for a couple months. Great for headaches. It’s also a nice substitute for alcohol when going out with friends.
Concussion clinic + Neurofeedback I went to a concussion clinic in NC shortly after my last concussion. Most of my problems were cognitive so my doctor recommended a neurofeedback program. I was super skeptical at first but it definitely improved my screen tolerance and I felt like it helped with teaching my brain how to switch off.
Neurologist + Nortryptoline Neurologists are really only good for one thing: prescribing meds. There’s a good chance you don’t need to take an SNRI but I had nerve damage at the site of impact that, whenever touched, would cause me a lot of pain and trigger hours of concussion symptoms. I think that my meds (prescribed for nerve pain) helped get some of this hypersensitivity under control.
Meditation There are people on this sub who can speak to this better than me but after a concussion your autonomic nervous system can be in an “always on” mode where you’re constantly in a state of fight or flight. Meditation while concussed is very challenging and won’t immediately zen you out but it will help you notice just how overactive your brain is and help you train yourself to redirect your attention when your mind runs wild.
Physical therapy + dry needling If you have any neck pain at all, go to PT. Seriously! It might be causing most if not all of your headaches. A few months of stretching and strengthening exercises helped resolve most of my headaches. Also, if dry needling is legal in your state, seek it out for really intense neck tightness. My PT offered needling and it was a godsend on my worst days.
Brain challenges I’m a computer programmer so getting back into work was challenging enough but I also made an effort to try to learn a new language and do some daily puzzles to help foster some new neural connections.
Try to relax when I bump my head Idk I still freak out when I bonk. I probably have had 30-40 “flare ups” over the past 2 years. No one on the internet seems to have a great answer for why this happens. I think it’s probably some sort of learned response from the brain in response to a stressor. I recently took the approach of doing everything in my power to chill out when I bump my head on something (including taking cbd immediately after). Not sure if this helped or I just needed time but I hit my head on a cabinet pretty hard last week and experienced no symptoms! That’s honestly what encouraged me to write this post.
I hope some of this will be helpful to someone. Feel free to comment or hit my dm’s if you want any more detail on anything.
submitted by mrdrprofhog to Concussion [link] [comments]
Please don’t let this long list stress you out though. There were days when getting out of bed in the morning felt like an accomplishment. Every recovery is different and only you can know what your body and brain are feeling.
Commitment After my most recent injury I decided that getting better was the most important thing in my life and I completely dedicated myself to my recovery. That’s why this list is as long as it is — I decided I was going to try everything.
Research Learning about concussions is a great place to start! It really helped me plan my course of action and think rationally about recovery. This sub is a great source of knowledge. Complete concussion management on YouTube has some great intro videos too.
Exercise I think that exercise was the #1 most important factor in my recovery. I started by going on short daily walks and doing light yoga in my house and eventually built up to 2x cardio 3x weightlifting 2x yoga every week. I got in the habit of exercising early in the day and felt like it really helped with my mental energy throughout the day.
Diet I tried to eat an anti inflammatory diet but it was hard (I really love to eat lol). I couldn’t go completely keto but I cut out carbs where I could and made an effort to cook all of my own meals with a lot of protein and vegetables. Avocado and olive oils give you omega 9s which are important for omega 3 absorption. I also didn’t really drink at all.
Supplements I don’t know exactly what worked and what didn’t but you should definitely be taking omega 3 (and probably creatine). My stack: - 4000 mg Nordic Naturals omega 3. Can cut down to normal dose after a couple months - 5 mg creatine monohydrate - 2000 mg magnesium l-theronate - 1g ImmPower AHCC (mushroom-based immune supplement) - 125 mcg vitamin d3 - Multivitamin - Dietary fiber + probiotic (gut health is important)
CBD Only way I could get to sleep for a couple months. Great for headaches. It’s also a nice substitute for alcohol when going out with friends.
Concussion clinic + Neurofeedback I went to a concussion clinic in NC shortly after my last concussion. Most of my problems were cognitive so my doctor recommended a neurofeedback program. I was super skeptical at first but it definitely improved my screen tolerance and I felt like it helped with teaching my brain how to switch off.
Neurologist + Nortryptoline Neurologists are really only good for one thing: prescribing meds. There’s a good chance you don’t need to take an SNRI but I had nerve damage at the site of impact that, whenever touched, would cause me a lot of pain and trigger hours of concussion symptoms. I think that my meds (prescribed for nerve pain) helped get some of this hypersensitivity under control.
Meditation There are people on this sub who can speak to this better than me but after a concussion your autonomic nervous system can be in an “always on” mode where you’re constantly in a state of fight or flight. Meditation while concussed is very challenging and won’t immediately zen you out but it will help you notice just how overactive your brain is and help you train yourself to redirect your attention when your mind runs wild.
Physical therapy + dry needling If you have any neck pain at all, go to PT. Seriously! It might be causing most if not all of your headaches. A few months of stretching and strengthening exercises helped resolve most of my headaches. Also, if dry needling is legal in your state, seek it out for really intense neck tightness. My PT offered needling and it was a godsend on my worst days.
Brain challenges I’m a computer programmer so getting back into work was challenging enough but I also made an effort to try to learn a new language and do some daily puzzles to help foster some new neural connections.
Try to relax when I bump my head Idk I still freak out when I bonk. I probably have had 30-40 “flare ups” over the past 2 years. No one on the internet seems to have a great answer for why this happens. I think it’s probably some sort of learned response from the brain in response to a stressor. I recently took the approach of doing everything in my power to chill out when I bump my head on something (including taking cbd immediately after). Not sure if this helped or I just needed time but I hit my head on a cabinet pretty hard last week and experienced no symptoms! That’s honestly what encouraged me to write this post.
I hope some of this will be helpful to someone. Feel free to comment or hit my dm’s if you want any more detail on anything.
2024.05.19 06:21 soulmeetsbody_ 30[F4M]California/Anywhere - seeking a ____ for the end of the world…
Fill in the blanks at your own risk. I’ve posted here before and had good luck, and bad luck, and in between luck. I’m seeking a genuine connection. Not a rushed love story, not someone who only talks about themselves, but witty banter, light flirting and whatever else comes from that.
Some things that fill my cup are: •My gym routine - I’m dedicated to being strong - trying to prep for my old lady body.
•Craft Beer - I love breweries and trying new beers. My primary go to being IPAs
•Coffee - I take it a million different ways, I’m not a purist by any means.
•My Pets - I have a mutt and a cat (also a mutt).
•Live Music - I’ve been to over 200 concerts/shows/gigs and a few music festivals.
•Dive Bars and nights that never end - does this even need an explanation?
•Baseball and football - I can actually say Bay Area sports and people won’t have to guess anymore, so there’s that.
There is so much more to me and I’m very happy to discuss all of that. The only things that are a hard no for me are anime and video games. I don’t like either. I find that I’ve been told I’m charismatic, sassy and pretty funny.
I feel like transparency is important, I’m chubby. It’s not something I dislike about myself, but I understand if it’s not your type. Here is me - I don’t have too many pictures of me doing things because I’m always the one behind the camera for others: https://imgur.com/a/zRHIu54
If this sounds like a good time, or I sound like someone you’d get along with, let’s see where it goes. Chats preferred to start, other stuff can potentially be shared later. I don’t respond to low effort messages.
submitted by soulmeetsbody_ to R4R30Plus [link] [comments]
Some things that fill my cup are: •My gym routine - I’m dedicated to being strong - trying to prep for my old lady body.
•Craft Beer - I love breweries and trying new beers. My primary go to being IPAs
•Coffee - I take it a million different ways, I’m not a purist by any means.
•My Pets - I have a mutt and a cat (also a mutt).
•Live Music - I’ve been to over 200 concerts/shows/gigs and a few music festivals.
•Dive Bars and nights that never end - does this even need an explanation?
•Baseball and football - I can actually say Bay Area sports and people won’t have to guess anymore, so there’s that.
There is so much more to me and I’m very happy to discuss all of that. The only things that are a hard no for me are anime and video games. I don’t like either. I find that I’ve been told I’m charismatic, sassy and pretty funny.
I feel like transparency is important, I’m chubby. It’s not something I dislike about myself, but I understand if it’s not your type. Here is me - I don’t have too many pictures of me doing things because I’m always the one behind the camera for others: https://imgur.com/a/zRHIu54
If this sounds like a good time, or I sound like someone you’d get along with, let’s see where it goes. Chats preferred to start, other stuff can potentially be shared later. I don’t respond to low effort messages.
2024.05.19 06:15 Alarmed_Active7756 Compilation of Clerith fics
As an avid fanfic consumer I thought I'd share my folder filled with my favorite AO3 Clerith fics that I absolutely adore. These could range from spice but mostly angst and fluff, so make sure you check the tags if there's anything in particular you don't like. All of these works are super well written and have lovely characterizations of Cloud and Aerith. I've taken the liberty to go far back as to 2017 (if i recall correctly) because some of the older fics were absolute GEMS to read, so fascinating to see the change in characterization from pre-Remake and post-remake. But most of these fics are based on Remake and Rebirth.
Hope you guys like this compilation, make sure to show support to these lovely writers who wrote Clerith angst so beautifully.
(P.S i wrote a small fic myself :3 feel free to check it out! peace of mind - pinkarnation - Final Fantasy VII Remake and Rebirth (Video Games 2020-2024) [Archive of Our Own] )
And now here is the list:
submitted by Alarmed_Active7756 to cloudxaerith [link] [comments]
Hope you guys like this compilation, make sure to show support to these lovely writers who wrote Clerith angst so beautifully.
(P.S i wrote a small fic myself :3 feel free to check it out! peace of mind - pinkarnation - Final Fantasy VII Remake and Rebirth (Video Games 2020-2024) [Archive of Our Own] )
And now here is the list:
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/55914682
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/28896015
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/23711782/chapters/56935729
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/54364663
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/55786753/chapters/141628099
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/53649976
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/54010489?view_adult=true
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/52929487
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/50674327
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/53769250
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/52837855
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/51683782
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/54451699
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/54763924
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/54582046
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/46799398
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/45910138
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/48271837/chapters/121738744
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/46902388
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/37475065#main
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/37790128
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/24734320/chapters/59792641
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/36084388
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/32685292
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/36978499/chapters/92259883
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/42074271/chapters/105634314
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/24343810
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/24389884
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/24390466
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/26615443
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/24442834
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/24501751
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/24174166/chapters/58220602
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/23907472
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/55486660
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/55071082/chapters/139622881
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/55413142
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/50378407
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/52317466
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/55420909?view_adult=true
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/54430411/chapters/137882413
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/24701383
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/54522274
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/54918112
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/24198970
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/24899935
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/43462452
2024.05.19 06:10 ConnectionOwn3423 I need friends. I need someone to talk to.
I’m so effin (thanks Reddit rules lol) god damn depressed. I have no friends. No one to talk to besides my animals. They’re the only reason I keep on living to be honest. I can’t stand the fact of leaving them. At least that’s how it feels. I reach out, but no one reaches back. No matter how many times I try. I’m trying to be a good friend, I really am. But it takes two to communicate. Sometimes I feel I’m the only one who’s trying. It’s honestly probably because I alienate myself because I can’t stand to look in the mirror or put on real clothes to go outside. The effort to be social these days just sounds exhausting and triggers my anxiety. No one understands how much I cannot stand the image in the mirror. Or the sound of my voice on a video. All of it. I cannot stand it. That is the real honest truth. No one understands. I cannot stand to be in this body or look in the mirror. How many times can I say that till someone understands? I avoid pictures as much as I can. Yet, I’m still forced into them and am forced to look at myself and no one will ever understand how much that hurts.
submitted by ConnectionOwn3423 to friendship [link] [comments]
2024.05.19 06:10 Red_Redditor_Reddit When do you throw in the towel when it comes to life?
When do you give up?
I'm not necessarily talking like self-deletion. I just mean giving up. All the other kids I grew up with gave up on life a long time ago. They spend their days playing video games and working a shit job just enough to pay for a one bedroom apartment.
I don't blame them. Some have brain damage from what was done to them as children. They certainly have psychological damage. Hell, I think I am the first person who told them that what happened to them as children wasn't their fault. Their whole lives have been where nobody wanted them. Everyone around them secretly wished they would just disappear. I don't think anybody would cry if they did self-delete. They were abused. They were blamed for "needing" the drugs and abuse. They were blamed when the drugs and abuse didn't work. They were blamed for having brain damage. They are blamed for not being able to properly hold a job with said brain damage and anger for what was "their fault".
I was thinking about this, both the people who went through all this as well as myself. I eventually came to the conclusion that, at the end of the day, none of this really matters if it was caused externally or by some made up disorder. The consequences of these things is the reality that we live.
I wonder about my own life. I am one of like two who managed to live a somewhat normal life. I managed to get a decent enough career that pays ok. I have a few cars and a nice apartment. But every single day the past haunts me. Just yesterday I went to a small birthday gathering at a restaurant. I had trouble because of the adrenaline I was feeling while being in a noisy environment. It took me years to figure out that what happened wasn't my fault. It took me years for anybody to even acknowledge any kind of truth. It took me years for know that there was truth. Hell, it took me over a decade for anybody to even hug me.
My question is when should someone give up? I come home to an empty apartment. I wish I had a wife, but I don't think that's going to happen. I missed out on learning basic things like how to date. If I ask for help, it's like pulling teeth to get people to even understand the statement. I wish my life had value. It has value in the sense that I can donate money to something, but not in the sense that I myself am needed.
When should someone give up?
submitted by Red_Redditor_Reddit to PsychMelee [link] [comments]
I'm not necessarily talking like self-deletion. I just mean giving up. All the other kids I grew up with gave up on life a long time ago. They spend their days playing video games and working a shit job just enough to pay for a one bedroom apartment.
I don't blame them. Some have brain damage from what was done to them as children. They certainly have psychological damage. Hell, I think I am the first person who told them that what happened to them as children wasn't their fault. Their whole lives have been where nobody wanted them. Everyone around them secretly wished they would just disappear. I don't think anybody would cry if they did self-delete. They were abused. They were blamed for "needing" the drugs and abuse. They were blamed when the drugs and abuse didn't work. They were blamed for having brain damage. They are blamed for not being able to properly hold a job with said brain damage and anger for what was "their fault".
I was thinking about this, both the people who went through all this as well as myself. I eventually came to the conclusion that, at the end of the day, none of this really matters if it was caused externally or by some made up disorder. The consequences of these things is the reality that we live.
I wonder about my own life. I am one of like two who managed to live a somewhat normal life. I managed to get a decent enough career that pays ok. I have a few cars and a nice apartment. But every single day the past haunts me. Just yesterday I went to a small birthday gathering at a restaurant. I had trouble because of the adrenaline I was feeling while being in a noisy environment. It took me years to figure out that what happened wasn't my fault. It took me years for anybody to even acknowledge any kind of truth. It took me years for know that there was truth. Hell, it took me over a decade for anybody to even hug me.
My question is when should someone give up? I come home to an empty apartment. I wish I had a wife, but I don't think that's going to happen. I missed out on learning basic things like how to date. If I ask for help, it's like pulling teeth to get people to even understand the statement. I wish my life had value. It has value in the sense that I can donate money to something, but not in the sense that I myself am needed.
When should someone give up?
2024.05.19 05:58 Salt_Resource_1922 AITA for just wanting time for myself?
Hello, sorry if I write something wrong (english is not my mother language) and also because this will be long.
A little context: I (25 f) am not normally very social, I’m neurodivergent, I tend to dissociate a lot and if I’m out with friends (which is weird when I do hangout) is even worse, and I have to distract myself many times to not feel too anxious. I love silence and to have time to think everything before I speak. (I even have random scenarios in my head about conversations or situations that may never happen, just to be prepared to what to say).
My bf (21 m) is the opposite, he likes to hangout with friends a lot, he never dissociates, he never likes when the conversation goes silent, he likes to ask everybody on the discord calls to put cameras and do things together and just being the energetic person he is (which I love, he makes everyone laugh and makes silly jokes). He still goes to the university, when I wake up I get 2 hours to do whatever I want/my family asks before he gets home and calls me. Normally we spend like 8-10 hours together in call everyday. Also I think it’s very important to add that I’m his first real gf, as he had another one but she was cheating on her bf with him (obviously he ended the relationship when he found out).
We just started dating 4 months ago. We have an online relationship, I told him I dislike phonecalls/videocalls but I still make them daily for him as he doesn’t really like long distance relationships and it makes him feel comfortable and happy. We started dating because I’ve been planning to move to his country many years before I met him, I was just waiting to finish university and to have a job to start my plan of moving out.
The problem is he just always wants the 100% of my attention, which is extremely hard for me, I’ve never been capable of continuously give all my attention to something/someone not even for an hour straight, because my brain just starts feeling very exhausted and I get headaches, so I always multitask and while I do x I have a video or just a phone game open while I do anything I’m doing, or just listening to musing and singing.
He dislikes that and wants all the attention, everyday, all day. I’ve talked to him about it, many times. I had a remotejob a month ago but he wouldn’t let me work my working hours without being grumpy and asking me to give him attention and talk to him while I was busy with my job (he’d make videocalls while I worked just to be with me, I had no problem with the videocall if it was just us doing our things and commenting things occasionally but that was not the case).
Our first discussion was because I really needed to end our call/stop playing with him because my dad had a health emergency. He got very angry at me, saying he was waiting all day to be with me and I just left him there. (Obviously we fixed things, he promised to give me more space and be more respectful with the things I have to do).
We still argued more times because of the same problem, because if I just open 3 seconds another app or just read a message I got (just please keep in mind the calls are all day long) he gets annoyed, I get very exhausted during the calls, I sometimes feel like it drains me.
Today he went out with his friends (he always does every saturday while I normally just sleep all day or play videogames/watch videos or anime) I got a message from a friend group asking if I wanted to play something with them, he knows this group, we’ve all played together before with my bf. I like usual, told him that I was going to play with them and to keep having fun. He got home like 3 hours after I texted him, and called while we were playing, as you can imagine, he got angry because I was in the middle of a game with friends on discord and couldn’t really give him all the attention he wanted in that second. Even when I told him he could be on a call with me on videocall and watch me play or get on the discord group and talk with all of us. (That’s what I normally do when it’s the other way around, I just mute myself and watch him or just talk in the group call).
I feel terrible because I know he just wanted to be with me, but it was just not the right time to call and ask me questions. If I could have the possibility to pause the game, of course I’d have done it, but it was an online game with not pauses between matches.
submitted by Salt_Resource_1922 to AITAH [link] [comments]
A little context: I (25 f) am not normally very social, I’m neurodivergent, I tend to dissociate a lot and if I’m out with friends (which is weird when I do hangout) is even worse, and I have to distract myself many times to not feel too anxious. I love silence and to have time to think everything before I speak. (I even have random scenarios in my head about conversations or situations that may never happen, just to be prepared to what to say).
My bf (21 m) is the opposite, he likes to hangout with friends a lot, he never dissociates, he never likes when the conversation goes silent, he likes to ask everybody on the discord calls to put cameras and do things together and just being the energetic person he is (which I love, he makes everyone laugh and makes silly jokes). He still goes to the university, when I wake up I get 2 hours to do whatever I want/my family asks before he gets home and calls me. Normally we spend like 8-10 hours together in call everyday. Also I think it’s very important to add that I’m his first real gf, as he had another one but she was cheating on her bf with him (obviously he ended the relationship when he found out).
We just started dating 4 months ago. We have an online relationship, I told him I dislike phonecalls/videocalls but I still make them daily for him as he doesn’t really like long distance relationships and it makes him feel comfortable and happy. We started dating because I’ve been planning to move to his country many years before I met him, I was just waiting to finish university and to have a job to start my plan of moving out.
The problem is he just always wants the 100% of my attention, which is extremely hard for me, I’ve never been capable of continuously give all my attention to something/someone not even for an hour straight, because my brain just starts feeling very exhausted and I get headaches, so I always multitask and while I do x I have a video or just a phone game open while I do anything I’m doing, or just listening to musing and singing.
He dislikes that and wants all the attention, everyday, all day. I’ve talked to him about it, many times. I had a remotejob a month ago but he wouldn’t let me work my working hours without being grumpy and asking me to give him attention and talk to him while I was busy with my job (he’d make videocalls while I worked just to be with me, I had no problem with the videocall if it was just us doing our things and commenting things occasionally but that was not the case).
Our first discussion was because I really needed to end our call/stop playing with him because my dad had a health emergency. He got very angry at me, saying he was waiting all day to be with me and I just left him there. (Obviously we fixed things, he promised to give me more space and be more respectful with the things I have to do).
We still argued more times because of the same problem, because if I just open 3 seconds another app or just read a message I got (just please keep in mind the calls are all day long) he gets annoyed, I get very exhausted during the calls, I sometimes feel like it drains me.
Today he went out with his friends (he always does every saturday while I normally just sleep all day or play videogames/watch videos or anime) I got a message from a friend group asking if I wanted to play something with them, he knows this group, we’ve all played together before with my bf. I like usual, told him that I was going to play with them and to keep having fun. He got home like 3 hours after I texted him, and called while we were playing, as you can imagine, he got angry because I was in the middle of a game with friends on discord and couldn’t really give him all the attention he wanted in that second. Even when I told him he could be on a call with me on videocall and watch me play or get on the discord group and talk with all of us. (That’s what I normally do when it’s the other way around, I just mute myself and watch him or just talk in the group call).
I feel terrible because I know he just wanted to be with me, but it was just not the right time to call and ask me questions. If I could have the possibility to pause the game, of course I’d have done it, but it was an online game with not pauses between matches.
2024.05.19 05:56 WannabeHappy2077 How a hurtful comment sent me spiralling
Tw: suicidal attempt
I'm 28F living with my father and younger brother (19M) as the sole breadwinner. I've been diagnosed with bipolar a few years ago and currently in a hypomanic, depressive state. I have cripping anxiety. My work is remote so that enables me not to have to leave the house. I also have very low self-esteem especially when it comes to my appearance. I've always been close with my brother despite the age difference; we play video games together and he knows about my medical condition and my self-esteem issues.
That's why when he told me, after I showed him a picture of myself ( I honestly thought I looked good), that I look like an average Filipina you can find on the streets (I am Filipino), I thought I lost the ability to breath. I acted like I didn't hear it because it didn't feel like a compliment but when he repeated it with emphasis on "average" and "streets", I knew he wanted to hurt me. I told him "why did you say that?". I immediately knew he didn't mean for it to be a complimenf because there was mischief and guilt in his eyes. I told him it was really hurtful. "You know I already have low self-esteem. So why?" He knows I have tried to kill myself twice before and my depression and anxiety stems largely from my feelings of inadequacy. So why.
He just said, "it just came to mind." He apologized and I sent him away from my room. And now, I feel like the walls are closing in on me. Like I'm at the edge of the cliff. Like I can't breath and I want to run away like a coward. After bawling my eyes out like a pathetic ninny that I am, I started looking into apartments I could move into because I don't know how to face him. I don't know how I can stomach living in this house, paying the bills, and hearing those words in my head. But I can't move out just yet because I haven't been able to save money.
In the back of my head, I know I'm just trying to run away but unsavory thoughts of ending everything.
submitted by WannabeHappy2077 to depression [link] [comments]
I'm 28F living with my father and younger brother (19M) as the sole breadwinner. I've been diagnosed with bipolar a few years ago and currently in a hypomanic, depressive state. I have cripping anxiety. My work is remote so that enables me not to have to leave the house. I also have very low self-esteem especially when it comes to my appearance. I've always been close with my brother despite the age difference; we play video games together and he knows about my medical condition and my self-esteem issues.
That's why when he told me, after I showed him a picture of myself ( I honestly thought I looked good), that I look like an average Filipina you can find on the streets (I am Filipino), I thought I lost the ability to breath. I acted like I didn't hear it because it didn't feel like a compliment but when he repeated it with emphasis on "average" and "streets", I knew he wanted to hurt me. I told him "why did you say that?". I immediately knew he didn't mean for it to be a complimenf because there was mischief and guilt in his eyes. I told him it was really hurtful. "You know I already have low self-esteem. So why?" He knows I have tried to kill myself twice before and my depression and anxiety stems largely from my feelings of inadequacy. So why.
He just said, "it just came to mind." He apologized and I sent him away from my room. And now, I feel like the walls are closing in on me. Like I'm at the edge of the cliff. Like I can't breath and I want to run away like a coward. After bawling my eyes out like a pathetic ninny that I am, I started looking into apartments I could move into because I don't know how to face him. I don't know how I can stomach living in this house, paying the bills, and hearing those words in my head. But I can't move out just yet because I haven't been able to save money.
In the back of my head, I know I'm just trying to run away but unsavory thoughts of ending everything.
2024.05.19 05:56 mobooki Should I skip the fan meeting?
So I was a huge fan of this group from 2018-2023. I still love the group so much, I just have been staying lowkey as a fan lately. I haven't been listening much to their music, nor have I been watching their videos. Sometimes I find myself checking in on them if I feel like it. You could say the spark is lost but I still have a soft spot for the members.
Now, I won tickets to a fan meet of theirs in my country. I'm hesistant because: 1. Transpo is a hassle. 2. It's not as hyped as concerts are from what I've read about fan meetings. 3. The seats I won are the lowest tier (grateful that I can be there to watch, but I don't enjoy events like this much where they're almost the size of an ant from my pov).
If you were in my shoes, would you still go?
tldr: Won fanmeet tickets, but not so much of a fan anymore, seats are not great, transpo is a hassle. Do I still go?
submitted by mobooki to kpophelp [link] [comments]
Now, I won tickets to a fan meet of theirs in my country. I'm hesistant because: 1. Transpo is a hassle. 2. It's not as hyped as concerts are from what I've read about fan meetings. 3. The seats I won are the lowest tier (grateful that I can be there to watch, but I don't enjoy events like this much where they're almost the size of an ant from my pov).
If you were in my shoes, would you still go?
tldr: Won fanmeet tickets, but not so much of a fan anymore, seats are not great, transpo is a hassle. Do I still go?
2024.05.19 05:55 Tax_Previous Why did I open my hidden photos today… 😣
 | Hidden Photos are hidden for a reason stupid!! Most people hide nudes, I hide memories that would crush me to see anytime I look through my photos… but now that I’ve gone through that pain again I’ll include a couple with this post so everyone can see how stupid I was to have lost you.. Life’s gotten easier lately I guess. Kinda feels just like when I was on drugs just kind of numb all the time… I wanted to start listening to my old songs again and told myself if a song makes me emotional then I need to sing it recorded clean it up a little bit and by the time that process is over, I should be desensitized put it back in the library… WRONG, instead I found a new one that I listen to on repeat all fucking day.. (“Barely”-Gabe Bondoc) it describes the whole situation to a T of how I feel and it kind of hurts most of the time… I have tried everything to get over her and I just can’t… For someone who can’t remember what they did last week, I know her better than I know anything else. I haven’t forgotten her scent.. I can tell you where every beauty mark is… every scar, how could I ever forget when, every time I close my eyes i see you… I look for you in everything I do. All this driving I do by myself on the rare days that I do turn my music on. I still imagine I’m singing to you. That was the only time I knew how to show myself to you fully.. Me absorbed in my music is the best part of me and it’s so hard to even become close to that now… this is all my fault… ever since she assured me that there was never a chance for us again or even be friends, all of my progress that I was making I stopped immediately, not in an act of rebellion but I have no more motivation, it was always her no matter how bad things got I would have always chose you… i didn’t always show it in the right ways but you were the one… I wish we didn’t have some experiences in the middle of our marriage that play a big part on that downhill decline we had. Honestly, I don’t think that I’ll ever feel the same way about someone else the way that I felt about her in the first two years of our marriage. I wish that when we split and I was packing my stuff that I would’ve taken the marriage certificate and a couple other things.. But more than anything, I regret not keeping the little picture book(images with this post). The night I dropped off her car I struggled so much debating if I wanted to leave it there in her car with her or not and I should’ve known better and I should’ve just kept it.. The last day that I was there, I’ve never told anyone I’ve never showed anyone, but anything from our marriage that I cherished I didn’t want to take those things from her, so instead, I went around and took pictures of those items so I could always have those memories when I want to look back.. and that’s what I did today… I’m already miserable every day as it is it’s like I just want to keep adding to my pain, hoping that looking at the memories will make me feel better but it doesn’t… it just cuts again, a reminder that I let so many stupid things get in the way of love and happiness… all of those bad moments we had could’ve been happy memories or least moments of growth that wouldn’t have tore both of us down… and now memories are all that remains… submitted by Tax_Previous to heartbreak [link] [comments] I hope you’re happy and laughing and smiling every single day. That’s the version of you I always try to think of. I wish I had more videos of you laughing… For months, probably even years I used to be so upset because I always wanted you to apologize for how I felt you were hurting me, And only because of recently getting to understand what’s going on with me I realize that a lot of that was not normal behavior and like now I’m starting to get a grasp that a lot of that was not normal behavior and now I can see and understand why we could never work certain things out or why we both felt like we were super stubborn towards each other. With that said, I forgive myself and I forgive you, regardless of what we did and went through. I never intended to hurt you or your family or friends or anyone and I’m sure you never intended to hurt me either. Being able to start coming to peace with this stuff has definitely helped tremendously like the bitterness and those feelings have dissipated. There’s just the depression left. My mental health and relapsing are the only things that I won’t digress in progress. Everything else that I was doing can go by the wayside. I really don’t care. I can’t live in delusion forever that somehow we’re gonna come back together no matter how much work I do on myself or effort. And I’m definitely staying away from anyone else for a while. You’re the new standard if I meet someone and I don’t feel what you and I felt when we met it’s not for me and I doubt I’ll feel that ever again with anyone else. I wish you the best in life I pray for you every night. Love you always. Last thing, I make the last payment on June 30 for your concert tickets that I told you I’d get you. And I’m not going to reach out to you at all in any way I’m sure you’ve changed all your info by now anyway. On the chance that you do come across this by then. Anytime between July 1-13 message Fabio on Facebook or however you decide and he will either have my login info to transfer your tickets digitally or I’ll send them to him directly and then y’all can figure it out from there. Life without you after having loved you for so long just doesn’t feel like living anymore… I only ever felt alive when I could call you my wife… |
2024.05.19 05:54 FloatingCatus Tips/tricks on colour saturation?
Hello fellow ink stabbers,
I’m here to pick your brains. I’ve been tattooing roughly 2.5-3 years, am I still struggling with being able to saturate colour and transitioning into solid blends.
I’m getting a-bit disheartened with colour tattoos and have tried tweaking techniques, needles, machines, angles and still have colour heal patchy. Getting abit desperate now and have considered just giving up on colour tattoos altogether at times when imposter syndrome is hitting bad.
(I understand how to pack just one solid colour though and that usually is guaranteed to heal consistent and not patchy)
My mentor isn’t overly confident with colour and none of the other artists in my studio like doing colour either. I’ve basically had to self teach myself through videos online and trial and error to improve techniques. Sometimes I’d be pretty happy with how the colour looks fresh and then I’ll see it healed and just pick everything part of what isn’t clean and solid.
Any suggestions and advice would be immensely appreciated. I feel like a lot of artists either love or hate doing colour tattoos 🥲
I’m gonna try attach some images below of healed and fresh work if I can figure out how reddit works 😭😅
submitted by FloatingCatus to TattooArtists [link] [comments]
I’m here to pick your brains. I’ve been tattooing roughly 2.5-3 years, am I still struggling with being able to saturate colour and transitioning into solid blends.
I’m getting a-bit disheartened with colour tattoos and have tried tweaking techniques, needles, machines, angles and still have colour heal patchy. Getting abit desperate now and have considered just giving up on colour tattoos altogether at times when imposter syndrome is hitting bad.
(I understand how to pack just one solid colour though and that usually is guaranteed to heal consistent and not patchy)
My mentor isn’t overly confident with colour and none of the other artists in my studio like doing colour either. I’ve basically had to self teach myself through videos online and trial and error to improve techniques. Sometimes I’d be pretty happy with how the colour looks fresh and then I’ll see it healed and just pick everything part of what isn’t clean and solid.
Any suggestions and advice would be immensely appreciated. I feel like a lot of artists either love or hate doing colour tattoos 🥲
I’m gonna try attach some images below of healed and fresh work if I can figure out how reddit works 😭😅
2024.05.19 05:38 fuckyall1988 Please help. Sorry it's long.
Hi, I (36f) am in a relationship with a 50 year old man now for about 5 years. Don't judge he's great. He helps cook, clean, does yardwork, loves me and my son and my 2 cats and dog. He helps take care of us and i feel safe with him. He moved in with myself and my son last October. I have one teenage son, and he has 5 adult kids, 2 grandkids, and 1 more grandkid on the way. I love kids that's not the issue. I'm having a hard time with the 18-22 year old kids, there are 3. I feel like he babies them I do not raise my son like that. For example this past week his daughter (22) stayed with us while she's doing an internship. I love her very much. But Every day when I get home from work there are dishes in the living room on the kitchen table and the room she's staying in is trashed. I bring it up to him nicely tonight, she left today for 5 days then will be back. The spare room looks like a bomb went off. Now my 14 year old sons room is not perfect ok but I get on him about it or he's grounded and he's also 14 so yeah struggle is real his clean is there is a path on the floor unless I take his phone. I nicely say to my SO am I allowed to ask his daughter to pick up after herself and tidy up the spare room? He says yes. I say will this affect her and my relationship or would you like to say something to her? His response is "there are so many other things in life to be worried about you could've just picked up the clothes" so I'm pissed naturally because I am not a maid I am not even my sons maid he picks up his damn dishes and starts laundry and I'm sorry but he lives here and that is his room so if it's not perfect whatever I shut the door. Am I an asshole for expecting his adult children to at least pick up after themselves and respect our house? He makes me feel like I'm overreacting but he has zero expectations for his kids it's so effing irritating. I feel like I'm ruining out relationship because he gets irritated when I bring up stuff like this. Is it worth the fight? Should I just learn to live with it? He also still gives all of them money. And we're struggling at our house. He just says he has to learn at his own pace eventually he'll start charging them rent eventually he'll stop giving them 100$ a week. Ahhhhhh my parents booted me out at 18. Another example is his sons grad party there were 5 of us running around prepping cooking cleaning including my son and his was playing video games the whole time... Another one we're on vacation in Mexico with 3 of his kids and my son, his son wakes up, myself and my SO had made a big breakfast, he asks what it is and says nah could you just make me a bowl of cereal? Like what and my SO reached for the bowls! You are 18 you have legs get your own bowl of cereal. Ahhhh why does this piss me off so much! Please help. Do I need help or to communicate this better? I told him I feel taken advantage of and that a lot is expected of me.
submitted by fuckyall1988 to blendedfamilies [link] [comments]
2024.05.19 05:35 imaginarylawyerr 25M- lawyer looking for someone new to talk
Heyyy🐼
Ugh it’s been a really exhausting week. I think it’s better me to take a break and talk to someone new.
Lemme tell you a bit about myself… I am a 25 years old newly graduated lawyer. I like to watch sports a lot, especially soccefootball and basketball. I try to play football with friends at least once a week. I also like to play video games, watch series and movies even though I don’t much time. I like comedy and action but I am open for your recommendations. I mainly listen to rock. My favorite bands are: Avenged Sevenfold, Three Days Grace, Shinedown, Metallica, Halestorm…
Well I don’t know what else to tell you. Feel free to ask if you wanna know more about me.
I hope we can be friends 🤗
submitted by imaginarylawyerr to MakeNewFriendsHere [link] [comments]
Ugh it’s been a really exhausting week. I think it’s better me to take a break and talk to someone new.
Lemme tell you a bit about myself… I am a 25 years old newly graduated lawyer. I like to watch sports a lot, especially soccefootball and basketball. I try to play football with friends at least once a week. I also like to play video games, watch series and movies even though I don’t much time. I like comedy and action but I am open for your recommendations. I mainly listen to rock. My favorite bands are: Avenged Sevenfold, Three Days Grace, Shinedown, Metallica, Halestorm…
Well I don’t know what else to tell you. Feel free to ask if you wanna know more about me.
I hope we can be friends 🤗
2024.05.19 05:33 blegoo94 29 [M4F] St. Louis, MO / Midwest - Let's be a happy two person family?
Here's the stuff you'd want to know about me before chatting.
I'm child free because I refuse to put another human into this increasingly dark world. I don't want them to have my anxiety or Asperger's. I have an existentialist belief system. So I decided that I want to spend the rest of my life focusing on myself and hopefully my future partner - whoever that may be.
RECENT PIC
Yes. Me bald. You can rub my head for good luck. If the cure for baldness is ever discovered, I will hop right on that. I'm 6' tall for you height enthusiasts.
Personality-wise I am pretty boring in all honesty. Being someone who has ADHD, anxiety, and high functioning ASD, you can bet I am not a normal person. On top of that, having spent a freakish amount of time on the uncensored internet through my childhood desensitizing my mind, I'm fairly dead inside. If you can relate or sympathize, that is awesome.
I'm looking for a long term relationship. The kind where we eventually live together on dual income, have date night like every night, and just enjoy each other's love for as long as possible. I am VERY romantic and sappy when I start developing feelings. My love languages are physical touch and quality time spent together.
Hobbies include worrying about my future, browsing reddit, having a nearly empty fridge with a 1 year old jar of kimchi in it because it seemed healthy to buy at the time, and uh what else..? Music, Anime, Gaming (I was the highest ranks in CSGO AND RL so don't hate the hours yo), Coding, Lockpicking, Antique Restoration, and talking some shmack with the BOYS.
I appreciate many types of humor. Dark, cringe, observational, and surreal are my favs. I'm not easy to offend. And if you want, you can roast me in your opening message.
I like getting out too but I hate doing that alone. That's what you're for. Duh. 😙
I am open to a temporary LDR if your communication game is on point. I will be up front though. When I'm at work it is difficult to text very much because I work in a lead position and am extremely busy except when I'm taking a break. I also work in a highly USDA regulated environment and every time I touch my phone I need to sanitize or change my gloves before I touch anything else. I would make an effort to talk though. I work about 45 hours though so I have plenty of free time after work to spend actual quality time together.
Some things that are definitely important to me:
submitted by blegoo94 to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]
I'm child free because I refuse to put another human into this increasingly dark world. I don't want them to have my anxiety or Asperger's. I have an existentialist belief system. So I decided that I want to spend the rest of my life focusing on myself and hopefully my future partner - whoever that may be.
RECENT PIC
Yes. Me bald. You can rub my head for good luck. If the cure for baldness is ever discovered, I will hop right on that. I'm 6' tall for you height enthusiasts.
Personality-wise I am pretty boring in all honesty. Being someone who has ADHD, anxiety, and high functioning ASD, you can bet I am not a normal person. On top of that, having spent a freakish amount of time on the uncensored internet through my childhood desensitizing my mind, I'm fairly dead inside. If you can relate or sympathize, that is awesome.
I'm looking for a long term relationship. The kind where we eventually live together on dual income, have date night like every night, and just enjoy each other's love for as long as possible. I am VERY romantic and sappy when I start developing feelings. My love languages are physical touch and quality time spent together.
Hobbies include worrying about my future, browsing reddit, having a nearly empty fridge with a 1 year old jar of kimchi in it because it seemed healthy to buy at the time, and uh what else..? Music, Anime, Gaming (I was the highest ranks in CSGO AND RL so don't hate the hours yo), Coding, Lockpicking, Antique Restoration, and talking some shmack with the BOYS.
I appreciate many types of humor. Dark, cringe, observational, and surreal are my favs. I'm not easy to offend. And if you want, you can roast me in your opening message.
I like getting out too but I hate doing that alone. That's what you're for. Duh. 😙
I am open to a temporary LDR if your communication game is on point. I will be up front though. When I'm at work it is difficult to text very much because I work in a lead position and am extremely busy except when I'm taking a break. I also work in a highly USDA regulated environment and every time I touch my phone I need to sanitize or change my gloves before I touch anything else. I would make an effort to talk though. I work about 45 hours though so I have plenty of free time after work to spend actual quality time together.
Some things that are definitely important to me:
- Physical attraction. I'm gonna want to see a picture of you sooner rather than later pretty please. 🤗
- Politically liberal. We probably won't get along otherwise 😂.
- Monogamous. You can still call other guys hot on TV though.
- A sex drive. I'm not looking for someone asexual is all I'm saying.
2024.05.19 05:33 blegoo94 29 [M4F] St. Louis, MO / Midwest - Let's be a happy two person family?
Here's the stuff you'd want to know about me before chatting.
I'm child free because I refuse to put another human into this increasingly dark world. I don't want them to have my anxiety or Asperger's. I have an existentialist belief system. So I decided that I want to spend the rest of my life focusing on myself and hopefully my future partner - whoever that may be.
RECENT PIC
Yes. Me bald. You can rub my head for good luck. If the cure for baldness is ever discovered, I will hop right on that. I'm 6' tall for you height enthusiasts.
Personality-wise I am pretty boring in all honesty. Being someone who has ADHD, anxiety, and high functioning ASD, you can bet I am not a normal person. On top of that, having spent a freakish amount of time on the uncensored internet through my childhood desensitizing my mind, I'm fairly dead inside. If you can relate or sympathize, that is awesome.
I'm looking for a long term relationship. The kind where we eventually live together on dual income, have date night like every night, and just enjoy each other's love for as long as possible. I am VERY romantic and sappy when I start developing feelings. My love languages are physical touch and quality time spent together.
Hobbies include worrying about my future, browsing reddit, having a nearly empty fridge with a 1 year old jar of kimchi in it because it seemed healthy to buy at the time, and uh what else..? Music, Anime, Gaming (I was the highest ranks in CSGO AND RL so don't hate the hours yo), Coding, Lockpicking, Antique Restoration, and talking some shmack with the BOYS.
I appreciate many types of humor. Dark, cringe, observational, and surreal are my favs. I'm not easy to offend. And if you want, you can roast me in your opening message.
I like getting out too but I hate doing that alone. That's what you're for. Duh. 😙
I am open to a temporary LDR if your communication game is on point. I will be up front though. When I'm at work it is difficult to text very much because I work in a lead position and am extremely busy except when I'm taking a break. I also work in a highly USDA regulated environment and every time I touch my phone I need to sanitize or change my gloves before I touch anything else. I would make an effort to talk though. I work about 45 hours though so I have plenty of free time after work to spend actual quality time together.
Some things that are definitely important to me:
submitted by blegoo94 to r4r [link] [comments]
I'm child free because I refuse to put another human into this increasingly dark world. I don't want them to have my anxiety or Asperger's. I have an existentialist belief system. So I decided that I want to spend the rest of my life focusing on myself and hopefully my future partner - whoever that may be.
RECENT PIC
Yes. Me bald. You can rub my head for good luck. If the cure for baldness is ever discovered, I will hop right on that. I'm 6' tall for you height enthusiasts.
Personality-wise I am pretty boring in all honesty. Being someone who has ADHD, anxiety, and high functioning ASD, you can bet I am not a normal person. On top of that, having spent a freakish amount of time on the uncensored internet through my childhood desensitizing my mind, I'm fairly dead inside. If you can relate or sympathize, that is awesome.
I'm looking for a long term relationship. The kind where we eventually live together on dual income, have date night like every night, and just enjoy each other's love for as long as possible. I am VERY romantic and sappy when I start developing feelings. My love languages are physical touch and quality time spent together.
Hobbies include worrying about my future, browsing reddit, having a nearly empty fridge with a 1 year old jar of kimchi in it because it seemed healthy to buy at the time, and uh what else..? Music, Anime, Gaming (I was the highest ranks in CSGO AND RL so don't hate the hours yo), Coding, Lockpicking, Antique Restoration, and talking some shmack with the BOYS.
I appreciate many types of humor. Dark, cringe, observational, and surreal are my favs. I'm not easy to offend. And if you want, you can roast me in your opening message.
I like getting out too but I hate doing that alone. That's what you're for. Duh. 😙
I am open to a temporary LDR if your communication game is on point. I will be up front though. When I'm at work it is difficult to text very much because I work in a lead position and am extremely busy except when I'm taking a break. I also work in a highly USDA regulated environment and every time I touch my phone I need to sanitize or change my gloves before I touch anything else. I would make an effort to talk though. I work about 45 hours though so I have plenty of free time after work to spend actual quality time together.
Some things that are definitely important to me:
- Physical attraction. I'm gonna want to see a picture of you sooner rather than later pretty please. 🤗
- Politically liberal. We probably won't get along otherwise 😂.
- Monogamous. You can still call other guys hot on TV though.
- A sex drive. I'm not looking for someone asexual is all I'm saying.
2024.05.19 05:28 CommandAlternative10 Spanish as second Romance language?
Anyone else come to DS when you already had nother romance language under your belt? How was your experience? I’ve only been actively studying for a week and it’s been surreal for me how much Spanish I can already understand. I started with intermediate videos but found myself speeding up the dialogue, I’m now watching advanced videos sorted by easy. Background: I did take two years of Spanish in Middle School so I had prior knowledge of the most basic vocabulary. But truly “¿Donde esta la biblioteca? Yo necessito un libro” level Spanish, and it was 30+ years ago. As an adult, I self taught myself French through a brute force mass immersion method. Passive wave of Assimil French with Ease and then just started watching dubbed American shows that I was already familiar with. (Spoiler alert: It was rough. I wish Dreaming French had been an option.) I graduated to French shows and then non-fiction podcasts. I have 500 hours of listening and solid B2 or upper intermediate listening. I also read 8,500 pages of French, and have B2 reading skills. My speaking is probably A2, or advanced beginner. I certainly didn’t conquer French, but it was more than enough to be a most excellent tourist and I’ve parked it there for now. But back to Spanish. I don’t really understand how my listening is so good already. Is the second Romance language discount really that powerful? It doesn’t really remind me of French when I listen, I just somehow understand. French listening is also just absurdly difficult, so maybe there is an additional bonus there? I put a lot of blood, sweat and tears into French so I’m glad it’s paying off, but this still feels like cheating.
submitted by CommandAlternative10 to dreamingspanish [link] [comments]
2024.05.19 05:20 NoobyImpulse China Trip Report: March 2024 [Suzhou Amusement Land Forest World, Joyland, China Dinosaurs Park, Happy Valley, Etc.]
![China Trip Report: March 2024 [Suzhou Amusement Land Forest World, Joyland, China Dinosaurs Park, Happy Valley, Etc.]](https://b.thumbs.redditmedia.com/4TP5MBeL03w1x-_4SUwZZZY4JRIPHck-Rwbp_rP3pMk.jpg "China Trip Report: March 2024 [Suzhou Amusement Land Forest World, Joyland, China Dinosaurs Park, Happy Valley, Etc.]") | During the end of March/ early April my gf and I went on a 3 week coaster trip throughout China, Japan, and South Korea. I wanted to make this report about China since it's pretty difficult to plan a trip to China with the lack of information available. submitted by NoobyImpulse to rollercoasters [link] [comments] Planning started last year in September and we used coast2coaster to map out our trip, then we tried to find any information about the parks we picked which ended up not being much. The Coaster Kings had some great blog posts, and we found a couple YouTube videos from ATLsloan which ended up being super helpful. I also digged through reddit and reached out to some very helpful Redditors that gave me advice! Thanks u/MrBrightside711 and u/Noxegon We visited:
Hong Kong Disneyland:We flew into Hong Kong from Osaka and landed about 2am. We got a hotel right in the airport, and woke up at 8am to uber over to Disneyland, check into our hotel at the explorers lodge, and rope drop at 10:30am. After getting to the park we realized rope drop wasn't needed.. this park was DEAD. We went right to Mystic Manor and was one of 6 people in the pre-show section. (amazing ride but not a coaster)Then we went over to Big Grizzly Mountain Runaway Mine Cars. This instantly became my favorite Disney rollercoaster. (at this point we had been to all Disney parks except Shanghai, which only has clones) The fakeout lift, and the launch section were great. The new Frozen area of the park really was beautiful, and made the visit that much more worth it. Their version of Frozen ever after is a bit more modern, but much the same of the Orlando version. Wandering Oaken's Sliding Sleighs is great to look at, but not that great to ride. It's very short and probably great as a child's first coaster. Not much to say about RC & Hyperspace Mountain. If you have ridden any of their counter parts, you have already experienced these as well. Wandering Oakens Sliding Sleighs Big Grizzly Ocean ParkThis park has 2 areas, the lower entrance area which has a ton of shops, smaller rides, and a aquarium. The upper area on top of the mountain which required a chairlift ride up is home to the larger thrill rides. While the bottom portion still seems fine, the upper portion has about half of it closed including the 2 SBNO coasters still sitting there.However, their 2 operating coasters were both open. Hair Raiser was a great B&M, and the setting and usage of the terrain only amplifies it. Arctic Blast isn't much to write home about, but it was enjoyable and they sent us around the track multiple times. Hair raiser from the loading area SBNO mine train Mainland ChinaOnce you hit mainland China everything becomes so much more difficult. Thankfully we did plenty of research in advance and downloaded DiDi (taxi app) WeChat, and Alipay (Payment apps) You also need to verify yourself with your passport in these apps DO IT BEFORE you get to China unless you want problems. The language barrier exists much more here than any other country I have visited, Google Translate was needed for EVERY conversation. If you are planning a trip here make sure you download the Chinese Simplified translations in google translate incase your internet gets spotty (it will.)Call your cell provider to ensure you will have working service in China, it prevents the need for a VPN while out and about.. however still download a VPN for when you are on wifi as the great chinese firewall blocks EVERYTHING. We used LetsVPN and it worked amazingly the whole time in the mainland. Most places will not want to take your cash. Before you leave make sure that you have a credit card added to both alipay and wechat. There is still a chance your apps wont work! Your hotel can take cash and send you the money on either alipay or wechat. When taking a taxi if your DiDi app isnt working, there is a mini DiDi app in alipay that works as well! Shanghai Haichang Ocean ParkThis park is where all my fears about my trip came true immediately. When you go to parks in China there is absolutely no way to know if coasters will be open or closed, even if you can find a website with posting they are probably not accurate.We landed in Shanghai at 10:30 am and immediately got a taxi to drop our bags off at the hotel, and they waited for us to take us to Shanghai Haichang Ocean Park. As we arrived we saw Steel Dolphin cycling and I thought to myself how great it was that we would be starting this portion off strong. As we got to the steel dolphin entrance it was blocked off with an employee explaining via google translate that the ride failed a inspection earlier in the month and they were only testing to regain its certification. I asked if there would open anytime in the next week, they said no. We then went over to Family Coaster which was CLOSED. We then decided we would try to salvage the day and ride a couple other rides.. we couldn't find a single one that was open. Our taxi driver was still outside when we left 30 minutes after he dropped us off and he asked why we were leaving so early. We explained the situation and he took us to guest services and complained for us without us asking for that. They offered us the ability to view a sea lion show which took place in 2 hours which we declined. I highly recommend skipping this park, it was a MESS. An empty Steel Dolphin train RIP Oriental Pearl TowerImmediately upon the horrors of the last park, our taxi driver took us over to The Bund. While we were exploring there we figured out there was a coaster in the Pearl Tower so we headed on over. To get to the coaster you have to go to the top of the tower first, which is similar to every other observation tower experience in the world. Very nice views of the city though.VR Rollercoaster is a junior coaster which probably isn't worth going out of your way for, but it may of been my favorite VR coaster I have done as it didn't make me sick! Loading platform for VR Rollercoaster Suzhou Amusement Land Forest WorldOn this day we attempted (and succeeded) to visit 3 theme parks in one day. There were too many parks in the Shanghai area I didn't want to miss so we had to hustle all day. For this to work I hired a private Taxi Driver to follow us all day and wait on us at the parks so we didn't have to figure out how to maneuver from park to park.When we arrived at Suzhou Amusement Land Forest World we were met with another DISASTER.. the sign in front of the park showed that my #1 bucket list China coaster Beyond The Cloud would be closed. Hopeful we still bought tickets and entered the park because we saw the tilt coaster testing. We ran immediately over to Broken Rail Roller Coaster and got front row on the first train of the day. This was my first Tilt Coaster and man was it awesome! Jinma rides while they may be a copycat company they did a great job on this. It was smooth, thrilling, and could compare to any other big coaster company creation. While walking over to Beyond the Cloud, we found Roller Coaster a coaster which wasn't on coaster count or RCDB! It was a kids ride but we had to ride it since it was undocumented! Its a Jinma kiddie coaster and could compare to the junior Vekomas you can find in many places in the USA. We also got the ride published on RCDB! We skipped the spinning mouse because we couldn't find it and we were in a rush to get to our next park. When we did arrive at Beyond the Cloud we were met with another heartbreak as it has a sign explaining it was closed for the day. I was pissed and desperate to ride this coaster so I didn't give up. The day we flew out we woke up at 7 am and risked missing our flight for another shot at riding. When we got there it was drizzling and every ride was closed.. except Beyond the Cloud! I believe we were the only 2 people in the park this 2nd go around and were able to ride 5 times by ourselves before we moved on and headed to the airport. They made us wait 5 mins each ride to see if other riders would show up (they didn't.) It was 100% worth the effort, this was my favorite coaster in China, and my #2 Mack overall behind RtH. Beyond The Cloud just for us! They never opened any of the back restraints so we had to sit in the front every ride. Big boi The Jinma Tilt Coaster JoylandAfter about a hour 1/2 in Suzhou Forest we got back to our taxi and darted for Joyland! Upon arrival we went through the knockoff Dr Seuss area on our way to Starry Sky Ripper my #1 bucket list flyer behind flying dino which we rode a few days prior. I think Sky Ripper edges out my top B&M flyer just over Flying dino. Its smooth, thrilling and most importantly it doesn't have the immense pain pretzel loops bring me.To our surprise all of the coasters here were open! We ended up going to Dragon Roaring Heaven next. There was a school trip and they all seemed to be waiting to just ride this ride, so it took about 30 minutes to get on. This mine train coaster was decent, and is comparable to some of the great mine trains in the USA, but the theming here makes it a slight step above the rest. Next was Clouds of Fairyland which seemed to be in a state of despair. The front car of the train was closed, and they had these makeshift restraints behind your head that they made you hold for the duration of the ride which was uncomfortable. The ride itself was okay, I'd like to ride another one that doesn't have the weird behind the head nonsense. Flying Loop Mine Train Theming China Dinosaurs ParkWe got to China Dinosaurs Park around 3pm the park closed at 5pm, and stopped letting guests in at 4. We jogged straight to Dinoconda to ensure we got a ride in, and to our surprise it was a WALK ON! As with the other 4d coasters it was very intense, but it was the smoothest by far. I would put it behind Eej as you can't beat that intensity.Next we went in circles trying to find Dinosaur Mountain it took us about 20-30 mins to actually find it hidden in the mountain side but it was a cool indoor Zamperla motocoaster. The theming was cheesy but it was all still great fun. Super Roller Coaster went down and stayed closed until park closure. Dinoconda Shanghai DisneylandThis is a great Disney park! Pirates and Zootopia made this visit worth it alone. The Pirates here is the best version of the ride, and I'm glad i went in blind. I wasn't expecting what I experienced at all. The zootopia area was really well done and I hope we get some version of it in the US.All 3 coasters here are clones of coasters I've ridden at other Disney Parks so I'm not going to go into detail about them. They are great, ride them if you get the chance. Zootopia Ride Tron but the not Florida one Happy Valley ShanghaiUnfortunately when we woke up we realized the forecast was rainy and had high winds but we decided to attempt to go get some credits anyway. We knew that it would probably not work out but yolo.We were greeted with 4 out of 7 coasters closed including Diving Coaster, Mine Train, Wooden Coaster, and Coastal Ant. We headed straight for Mega-Lite which was good fun, we had ridden its clone Piraten in Denmark back in June of 2023 so we knew what to expect. Still a enjoyable small coaster that packs a punch. Truly is a mini I-305 Next was Crazy Elves which is your basic spinning mouse. Then we got a ride on Family Inverted Coaster which wasn't anything crazy but was fun and will be perfect in BGT as a step-up coaster. Mega-Lite loading platform Family inverted coaster Universal Studios BeijingAfter a hectic morning in Shanghai trying to get a ride on Beyond the Cloud we flew to Beijing! We got there late at night and checked into our hotel right outside Universal.We bought the "Set of all Express Passes" which was good for all the major rides. This ended up being worth it is the park got more and more crowded as the day went on. Upon entering the park we heard an announcement that all rides are open but there is inclement weather which may close outdoor attractions so we headed right to Decepticoaster. Decepticoaster is everything the Hulk retracking should of been. The coaster is glass smooth, the jank is gone, and made for a much better ride experience. Personally, I love Hulk as its at one of my home parks here in Orlando but I find myself riding it less and less due to how I feel after riding.. I didn't have this issue here. Next we took a wrong turn trying to get to the Jurassic area and ended up going through Kung Fu Panda's area which was really cool, and its boat ride was worth riding once. This path put us in a circle which had us ending up in Harry Potter land so the next coaster was Flight of Hippogriff. This was the same as all its counter parts, nothing special here. We skipped the other rides in this land as we have been to every other universal park (other than Singapore) and didn't need to experience them again. We finally found the Jurassic area and got on Jurassic Flyers which was not what I expected. I was assuming it would be interactive similar to Arthur at Europa Park, it wasn't. Just did a loop around the mountain and got some great views. While in the area we did arguably the best dark ride in the world Jurassic World Adventure. That ride is INSANE.. nothing we have in the US compares to it. On our way out we hit Loop-Dee-Doop-Dee which I believe is the only Jinma at a major park? It's a basic family coaster, and worth the credit if you can get on with no line. Better Hulk Jurassic Flyers Happy Valley BeijingThe last park of our trip before we spent our last few days sightseeing! We arrived at opening to a very large crowd (the biggest of the trip.) All of coasters had staggered openings so we tried to strategically plan it out to be at the opening of each one.. which didn't work out at all. Extreme Rusher was closed all day and has been closed for a while due to its sister coaster rolling back and crashing into another train in the station.We headed to Crystal Wing first for its 10:30 opening. We weren't the only ones with this idea as there was already a decent line formed. We waited bout 30 mins to get on missing the 11am opening for our next coaster. This is a clone of Superman but with some really cool terrain and theming. Worth the ride. Golden Wings over the Snowfield was stop #2. I'm not a fan of SLC's but this didn't ride like one. It wasn't smooth, but it wasn't painful either. It also has a different layout from the SLC's all over the US which was cool. Next we went over to Flight of the Himalayan Eagle Music Roller Coaster which had a 11:30am scheduled opening which we missed by 30 mins. The line took about a hour, and we noticed there was a fastpass system that we couldn't figure out because of the language barrier. I used google translate on the signs at the entrance to no luck. The ride is a great mini hyper coaster that blasts music as you ride. Easily the best coaster in the park. We walked past Family Inverted Coaster which had a hour+ wait which we didn't want to wait for as we just rode the clone the other day with no line. So we headed over to Jungle Racing which had a 45 min wait but we noticed a QR code next to the line which we scanned and ended up being the fast pass system! We bought a fast pass and walked right on. It was a great Mine Train that was very similar to the one in Joyland. We then bought 2 fastpasses to Family Inverted Coaster just to get the credit. This park felt a lot more taken care of than its counterpart in Shanghai, and is definitely worth a visit. The endWe took a couple days to visit all the big sites like the great wall of china, the forbidden city, the temple of heaven, etc. which is a must-do.Then we flew over to South Korea for our next portion of our mega coaster trip! |
2024.05.19 05:12 brevindici I (22M) am having a hard time deciding if i should let my ex (20F) go, and if so, how?
I love her, care for her, more than i do for myself. We had a 9 month long distance relationship that i ended just a little over a year ago because, well, she is really socially awkward, shy, alone, naive and with self confidence issues. I love helping people a lot myself, but literally having to act like someones parent; trying to make them make any friends, giving advices about life, trying to encourage her hobbies, solving her every problem and giving her attention got tiring after time. Dont get me wrong, someone who loves anyone should provide these supports anyway, but shes like a fucking child sometimes, not to mention she takes way too much effort to perform basic tasks. Lol, i once begged her to study for her exam for 45 minutes straight (not with a demanding tone of course, rather inspiring), she went to sleep after 15 minutes of studying.
Last drop was when i finally could have time to meet her since my mothers cancer treatment took a break, she didnt want to meet with me after 2 days of meeting. Which was, okay, made me sad of course, so i decided to stay silent until she offers to meet, which never happened for the other 2 weeks . Before i left i asked her why she didnt want to meet and the reasoning was because she was shy of me acting close (i kissed her cheek basically). Which was okay, even though we are fucking 20, if she told me she was uncomfortable i would stop acting like that and maybe we could meet more before i left. I got really heartbroken on my way back home, ended the relationship, got heavily depressed.
Eventually hooked up with another girl from where i live (21f) who helped me in those hard times after a couple months, whom i also loved. But she didnt really liked me having contact with my ex, because she said she treated me bad. And i had to respect that. We had a somewhat good relationship, but my mothers cancer got worse, i had to stay in hospital with her while our university classes started, she started to act distant to me, doctors told me it was my mothers last month, and suddenly while i was at the hospital, my gf who i was together with at the time decided to left me because i got jealous after seeing a video with her, having a 'gay' friend who she met a week ago laying on her breasts.She left me and after 2 weeks my mom passed away.
Took me like 6 months to get my shit somewhat together. Then i started texting with my first ex again, explained her i never stopped caring for her, but i had to respect my partners choices at the time. She was okay with it and we started being friends again, just like in old days, and i missed her a lot. I never feel this calm with any other person i have ever met, she is really special for me, though i never want to have a romantic relationship with her.
Now recently, the boyfriend of my ex's twin, who is also my ex's best and only friend secretly told me she has a boyfriend, which i was cool about, but then he told me they meet, a lot, unlike i got to. It made me very sad, i always thought maybe she was like this to every person. But learning it isnt hurts me a lot to be honest, even if our relationship is finished. Her twin, and her best and only friend tells me, no one cares more about her than i did, that she doesnt deserve me, and i should let her go. But i cant. As i always used to say, she is like my child sometimes.
I dont know if i should let her go, and if so, how to. After we broke up i had better girlfriends, but never better friends to spend time with. She might be a terrible girlfriend, but shes a good person other than that, and whether she deserves my care or not, i worry about her.
It still hurts me what happened then, just wish she could at least say sorry for not caring about me then, then i would forgive and be friends, but i cant confront her, beacuse i am not supposed to know.
submitted by brevindici to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
Last drop was when i finally could have time to meet her since my mothers cancer treatment took a break, she didnt want to meet with me after 2 days of meeting. Which was, okay, made me sad of course, so i decided to stay silent until she offers to meet, which never happened for the other 2 weeks . Before i left i asked her why she didnt want to meet and the reasoning was because she was shy of me acting close (i kissed her cheek basically). Which was okay, even though we are fucking 20, if she told me she was uncomfortable i would stop acting like that and maybe we could meet more before i left. I got really heartbroken on my way back home, ended the relationship, got heavily depressed.
Eventually hooked up with another girl from where i live (21f) who helped me in those hard times after a couple months, whom i also loved. But she didnt really liked me having contact with my ex, because she said she treated me bad. And i had to respect that. We had a somewhat good relationship, but my mothers cancer got worse, i had to stay in hospital with her while our university classes started, she started to act distant to me, doctors told me it was my mothers last month, and suddenly while i was at the hospital, my gf who i was together with at the time decided to left me because i got jealous after seeing a video with her, having a 'gay' friend who she met a week ago laying on her breasts.She left me and after 2 weeks my mom passed away.
Took me like 6 months to get my shit somewhat together. Then i started texting with my first ex again, explained her i never stopped caring for her, but i had to respect my partners choices at the time. She was okay with it and we started being friends again, just like in old days, and i missed her a lot. I never feel this calm with any other person i have ever met, she is really special for me, though i never want to have a romantic relationship with her.
Now recently, the boyfriend of my ex's twin, who is also my ex's best and only friend secretly told me she has a boyfriend, which i was cool about, but then he told me they meet, a lot, unlike i got to. It made me very sad, i always thought maybe she was like this to every person. But learning it isnt hurts me a lot to be honest, even if our relationship is finished. Her twin, and her best and only friend tells me, no one cares more about her than i did, that she doesnt deserve me, and i should let her go. But i cant. As i always used to say, she is like my child sometimes.
I dont know if i should let her go, and if so, how to. After we broke up i had better girlfriends, but never better friends to spend time with. She might be a terrible girlfriend, but shes a good person other than that, and whether she deserves my care or not, i worry about her.
It still hurts me what happened then, just wish she could at least say sorry for not caring about me then, then i would forgive and be friends, but i cant confront her, beacuse i am not supposed to know.
2024.05.19 04:58 FunRevolutionary1111 clean phone and feels better, but?
Hi! I've found this sub super helpful, so I'm asking for a vibe check. It's been a while since our last d day - months, at least - and everything feels generally positive. I've even got to a point where I can stop thinking about it and be intimate with him. He's in therapy, I'm 34 weeks pregnant, it's all going sort of okay.
I don't like the way jealousy and betrayal makes me feel, so I made a deal with myself to only check his phone when it's totally random, so he doesn't have time to cover any hidden tracks, and when I feel comfortable and not stressed out by it. It's currently 3:45am and I was woken up by him stealing the duvet, snoring loudly and a YouTube video he'd fallen asleep to still on, and by my ear. Not to victim blame here, but he was literally begging for it. I found nothing. Like, at all. Not even the slight whiff of anything. Clean Instagram with a clean Instagram explore page (which he'd deleted and remade his Instagram himself after admitting the algorithm on it was broken and kept showing him stuff). No emails, no texts, no dodgy apps. Nothing on his FB, messenger, whatsapp, his screen time and battery usage was low and clean. He even stopped talking to the girl I half jokingly told him to stop talking to. I mean, I wish he'd have told her he's stopped talking to her, but nothing since early april. His search history told me secrets but nice ones, like parenting stuff and better paying jobs. I also feel like there's nothing. I don't feel suspicious, on the day to day. He tells me when he has urges, he lets me know triggers. I trust that nothing has happened.
My question is, should I live in this contentment or should I push? Is it a too good to be true situation? He's only just started therapy, he's been addicted for years. It's not that I want anything to be wrong but this nice moment will be something I look back on if I find something in a few days/weeks/months. I did say that my only issue was the lying (not strictly true, but necessary as I'd rather know that not know) and if I caught him again I'd leave. When things got a bit sticky, I then made a show of looking for houses and stuff. Maybe that's genuinely worked? Am I being naive? I do suppose trust is a choice but I don't trust the fact that I trust him, you know?
submitted by FunRevolutionary1111 to loveafterporn [link] [comments]
I don't like the way jealousy and betrayal makes me feel, so I made a deal with myself to only check his phone when it's totally random, so he doesn't have time to cover any hidden tracks, and when I feel comfortable and not stressed out by it. It's currently 3:45am and I was woken up by him stealing the duvet, snoring loudly and a YouTube video he'd fallen asleep to still on, and by my ear. Not to victim blame here, but he was literally begging for it. I found nothing. Like, at all. Not even the slight whiff of anything. Clean Instagram with a clean Instagram explore page (which he'd deleted and remade his Instagram himself after admitting the algorithm on it was broken and kept showing him stuff). No emails, no texts, no dodgy apps. Nothing on his FB, messenger, whatsapp, his screen time and battery usage was low and clean. He even stopped talking to the girl I half jokingly told him to stop talking to. I mean, I wish he'd have told her he's stopped talking to her, but nothing since early april. His search history told me secrets but nice ones, like parenting stuff and better paying jobs. I also feel like there's nothing. I don't feel suspicious, on the day to day. He tells me when he has urges, he lets me know triggers. I trust that nothing has happened.
My question is, should I live in this contentment or should I push? Is it a too good to be true situation? He's only just started therapy, he's been addicted for years. It's not that I want anything to be wrong but this nice moment will be something I look back on if I find something in a few days/weeks/months. I did say that my only issue was the lying (not strictly true, but necessary as I'd rather know that not know) and if I caught him again I'd leave. When things got a bit sticky, I then made a show of looking for houses and stuff. Maybe that's genuinely worked? Am I being naive? I do suppose trust is a choice but I don't trust the fact that I trust him, you know?
2024.05.19 04:54 RealRalphie0511 Feeling Conflicted About My Lifelong Best Friend
Hey all,
This may be a pretty lengthy post. At this point, I’m posting to get the support of others (or the pushback to know I’m in the wrong) because I’m tired of the biased answers my parents and everyone else are giving me, and I need an outside perspective.
I wanted to ask for advice regarding a topic that's really been nagging me. My old friend and I are on a call right now just talking things through, and as someone who was honestly hurt real bad I need to ask for advice about what to do. I can't really talk to anyone else in my personal life about it, as my parents would likely try to make the decision for me
I [16M] was best friends with J [16M] for over 12 years. According to my mother, we met at 2-3 years old when we were at preschool and got along very well, and he was invited to my 5th birthday party. There are so many specific memories I could bring up, which I could never stop writing about, but we grew up together. He was my only friend growing up, being born with a speech impediment that has since been corrected and the label that comes with it. We went through periods where we talked nearly every day and periods where we talked once every couple of months. But we made a lot of memories, and each time it’s as if we never stopped talking.
We created things together, spent holidays like Christmas, Thanksgiving, and New Years hanging out together, pulling all-nighters. And these are less than 0.1% of all our total memories. It was honestly the most amazing friendship I’ve ever had and will likely ever have, unfortunately.
November 2022 was the two year anniversary of a small Roblox game I created. He had been recording and making videos for the longest time, and I had just released a video to celebrate, which he seemed to be impressed by. Again, it was as if we never stopped talking, but from that period on it was every single day. We had never talked that much, spending weekends together and doing amazing stuff. We even streamed together on YouTube to raise money for charity as part of the Thanksmas event. And he’s in a lot of my videos and other creations.
We pulled each other through hard times. High school, as you can guess, is where romantic relationships begin developing. Whenever I needed advice, he was there, and vice versa. I helped him get through a toxic girlfriend he had, and he found love again.
The only thing that really bothered me was that I was the one who introduced him to ChatGPT, which is an amazing tool if I’m being honest. I’m not mad about that, I’m mad that on my 15th birthday, which I believe is a milestone if I’m not mistaken, he didn’t take the time to write just TWO words “Happy Birthday” that would have been enough, and instead used ChatGPT to generate a birthday card, just smack dab copied and pasted. I brushed it off though, as it wasn’t too big of a deal honestly and only stands out now that the events that transpired have taken place.
This new girl he had, we’ll call S. S is an extremely manipulative girl, very good at it I’ll admit, but our mutual friends at the time, L, C, and K picked up on that, as well as myself. I consistently tried to warn him, but it was no use, and he was beginning to change to the point that it was irritating me to new levels. It’s important to note he confided in me about how unhappy he was yet he stayed and acted as if everything was normal, and appeared upset when I brought up the times he told me he was upset about everything.
Eventually, it got to the point that was all we talked about. S. It was so damn annoying. We couldn’t even have normal conversations anymore. And I wasn’t the only one, as C and I talked about it occasionally.
August 23, 2023. The day my world changed forever. He told me to screenshot messages containing him confiding in me, and send it to her privately. I did so, and she posted it to a group chat containing J, herself, K, C, and myself, and just started berating him. It’s important to note I had previously let her off the hook for insulting my mom, which I never do at all. It’s important to know that I’m not forgiving at all, and when I do forgive, it’s pretty rare. Although I can’t be sure, I believe it may be tied to the fact I used to be so forgiving to the point I allowed people to walk over me in elementary and middle school, and I never will allow that again.
The stuff she said, honestly, if she were not a girl (I would never hit a woman) and she were next to me, I would have knocked out her teeth. Although my mother and I argue from time to time, one thing I cannot deny is that she went through absolute torture to keep me alive when she was pregnant with me, and now I’m a fully healthy young teenager.
So I just started releasing everything, telling her how I felt about her hurting the people I care about and trying to play victim. It’s important to note she used J as a rebound from an ex she was clearly not over (you don’t compare exes 24/7 in a new relationship, guys!) and I previously was not going to call this out at J’s request. However, after she started going after my friends, I just said I would do it. J threatened to block me as a way to deter me (which actually solidified my decision to do it) and it was at that moment I just felt the switch of brotherly love and care (he was practically my brother) turn off in my mind. I could not believe he would threaten to do that for a girl he had been dating even shorter than the amount of time since the summer started, after well over a decade.
He blocked me on Discord after I challenged him to see if he would really follow through or take back what he said, and when I say I blocked him on everything, I mean EVERYTHING. If he tried to reach out to me through even Gmail, I wouldn’t know because it would go straight to my spam folder.
I didn’t know much, but what I did know was that he tried to reach out to me twice through mutual friends, asking for forgiveness. I learned through K what the deal was, at J’s request. A week later, S’s mother found out, and although I will not say specifics, let me just say that I’m not even sure if I can legally say anything without landing myself in a courtroom to testify.
I got a video in my YouTube recommendation tab in November (one of my comments on his videos got over 50 likes or something) about him returning to YouTube and addressing “everything.” I was interested, so I watched the entire thing, and I was surprised that a good third or so of the video was about me. I learned that he was fine the week after because this girl spoke to him (which really says a lot in my opinion) and only after his life went downhill did he realize what he did. He expressed how bad he felt about it, how he missed me, and how it’s worse because he feels like he could have fixed it, as (he claims to have lost me, not the other way around) he didn’t lose me to something like a car accident, or cancer, or some killer disease, and he was essentially pleading with those watching that he lost to reach out to talk about it. I ALMOST reached out, as he said we didn’t have to be friends, but I didn’t at the time.
Now, life has gone by at its normal pace. It was very hard living with it every single day. It's been about nine months since it happened, and we finally talked about the entire thing tonight. The thing is, I really do want to forgive him, but I'm just so anxious. I haven't healed, I'll admit, from what happened and I don't think I ever will. I see a beautiful future, but I'm also really scared that something worse could possibly happen in the future.
I wanted to ask, what would you do? If you were me in this situation, would you try to fix everything, or just leave it in the past?
submitted by RealRalphie0511 to AdviceForTeens [link] [comments]
This may be a pretty lengthy post. At this point, I’m posting to get the support of others (or the pushback to know I’m in the wrong) because I’m tired of the biased answers my parents and everyone else are giving me, and I need an outside perspective.
I wanted to ask for advice regarding a topic that's really been nagging me. My old friend and I are on a call right now just talking things through, and as someone who was honestly hurt real bad I need to ask for advice about what to do. I can't really talk to anyone else in my personal life about it, as my parents would likely try to make the decision for me
I [16M] was best friends with J [16M] for over 12 years. According to my mother, we met at 2-3 years old when we were at preschool and got along very well, and he was invited to my 5th birthday party. There are so many specific memories I could bring up, which I could never stop writing about, but we grew up together. He was my only friend growing up, being born with a speech impediment that has since been corrected and the label that comes with it. We went through periods where we talked nearly every day and periods where we talked once every couple of months. But we made a lot of memories, and each time it’s as if we never stopped talking.
We created things together, spent holidays like Christmas, Thanksgiving, and New Years hanging out together, pulling all-nighters. And these are less than 0.1% of all our total memories. It was honestly the most amazing friendship I’ve ever had and will likely ever have, unfortunately.
November 2022 was the two year anniversary of a small Roblox game I created. He had been recording and making videos for the longest time, and I had just released a video to celebrate, which he seemed to be impressed by. Again, it was as if we never stopped talking, but from that period on it was every single day. We had never talked that much, spending weekends together and doing amazing stuff. We even streamed together on YouTube to raise money for charity as part of the Thanksmas event. And he’s in a lot of my videos and other creations.
We pulled each other through hard times. High school, as you can guess, is where romantic relationships begin developing. Whenever I needed advice, he was there, and vice versa. I helped him get through a toxic girlfriend he had, and he found love again.
The only thing that really bothered me was that I was the one who introduced him to ChatGPT, which is an amazing tool if I’m being honest. I’m not mad about that, I’m mad that on my 15th birthday, which I believe is a milestone if I’m not mistaken, he didn’t take the time to write just TWO words “Happy Birthday” that would have been enough, and instead used ChatGPT to generate a birthday card, just smack dab copied and pasted. I brushed it off though, as it wasn’t too big of a deal honestly and only stands out now that the events that transpired have taken place.
This new girl he had, we’ll call S. S is an extremely manipulative girl, very good at it I’ll admit, but our mutual friends at the time, L, C, and K picked up on that, as well as myself. I consistently tried to warn him, but it was no use, and he was beginning to change to the point that it was irritating me to new levels. It’s important to note he confided in me about how unhappy he was yet he stayed and acted as if everything was normal, and appeared upset when I brought up the times he told me he was upset about everything.
Eventually, it got to the point that was all we talked about. S. It was so damn annoying. We couldn’t even have normal conversations anymore. And I wasn’t the only one, as C and I talked about it occasionally.
August 23, 2023. The day my world changed forever. He told me to screenshot messages containing him confiding in me, and send it to her privately. I did so, and she posted it to a group chat containing J, herself, K, C, and myself, and just started berating him. It’s important to note I had previously let her off the hook for insulting my mom, which I never do at all. It’s important to know that I’m not forgiving at all, and when I do forgive, it’s pretty rare. Although I can’t be sure, I believe it may be tied to the fact I used to be so forgiving to the point I allowed people to walk over me in elementary and middle school, and I never will allow that again.
The stuff she said, honestly, if she were not a girl (I would never hit a woman) and she were next to me, I would have knocked out her teeth. Although my mother and I argue from time to time, one thing I cannot deny is that she went through absolute torture to keep me alive when she was pregnant with me, and now I’m a fully healthy young teenager.
So I just started releasing everything, telling her how I felt about her hurting the people I care about and trying to play victim. It’s important to note she used J as a rebound from an ex she was clearly not over (you don’t compare exes 24/7 in a new relationship, guys!) and I previously was not going to call this out at J’s request. However, after she started going after my friends, I just said I would do it. J threatened to block me as a way to deter me (which actually solidified my decision to do it) and it was at that moment I just felt the switch of brotherly love and care (he was practically my brother) turn off in my mind. I could not believe he would threaten to do that for a girl he had been dating even shorter than the amount of time since the summer started, after well over a decade.
He blocked me on Discord after I challenged him to see if he would really follow through or take back what he said, and when I say I blocked him on everything, I mean EVERYTHING. If he tried to reach out to me through even Gmail, I wouldn’t know because it would go straight to my spam folder.
I didn’t know much, but what I did know was that he tried to reach out to me twice through mutual friends, asking for forgiveness. I learned through K what the deal was, at J’s request. A week later, S’s mother found out, and although I will not say specifics, let me just say that I’m not even sure if I can legally say anything without landing myself in a courtroom to testify.
I got a video in my YouTube recommendation tab in November (one of my comments on his videos got over 50 likes or something) about him returning to YouTube and addressing “everything.” I was interested, so I watched the entire thing, and I was surprised that a good third or so of the video was about me. I learned that he was fine the week after because this girl spoke to him (which really says a lot in my opinion) and only after his life went downhill did he realize what he did. He expressed how bad he felt about it, how he missed me, and how it’s worse because he feels like he could have fixed it, as (he claims to have lost me, not the other way around) he didn’t lose me to something like a car accident, or cancer, or some killer disease, and he was essentially pleading with those watching that he lost to reach out to talk about it. I ALMOST reached out, as he said we didn’t have to be friends, but I didn’t at the time.
Now, life has gone by at its normal pace. It was very hard living with it every single day. It's been about nine months since it happened, and we finally talked about the entire thing tonight. The thing is, I really do want to forgive him, but I'm just so anxious. I haven't healed, I'll admit, from what happened and I don't think I ever will. I see a beautiful future, but I'm also really scared that something worse could possibly happen in the future.
I wanted to ask, what would you do? If you were me in this situation, would you try to fix everything, or just leave it in the past?
2024.05.19 04:54 LLLNNNGGG Basic Skyrim Xbox logical load order (LLO) template with “vanilla plus+” examples (2024)
This is for us normies who don’t want to sift through a hundred youtube videos just to figure out basic information that should be readily available. This guide is designed for people who are new to modding.
This LLO follows Brxsie’s model. For more detailed info on categorization refer to their reddit post.
You can leave out any mod on this list that you don’t want except for USSEP.
Key:
*= my personal notes explaining what a mod does or why I added it
e.g. = extra examples of popular mods that should be placed in that category
Blurb
(skip this section if you want the quick version of this post)
Hi everyone; I’m not a modder nor a PC player, but I was desperate to figure out how to safely load my game with reasonable lore-friendly updates. Every LLO guide I’ve found so far has either been outdated, contradictory to other sources, does not specify which mods fall under what category, is way too vague, or way too specific. The mods I’ve listed here should be easily searchable on the recently updated Xbox creations menu so that any Xbox player can easily copy this list. Originally, I was just recording my LLO for my own personal use, but I figured this could help people who don’t have the time to put in as much research as I have.
If you are brand new to modding, vanilla+ means that you want to stay faithful to the original game as much as possible while upgrading the look of your Skyrim world and making a few convenient tweaks. The least “true to the original game” mod on this list is convenient horses. In my experience so far, this LLO plays just as smoothly as vanilla Skyrim.
Unless I wrote a note next to the mod stating otherwise, all of these mods are independent of one another, except for: divine atmosphere, divine atmosphere snowflake edit, and realistic snowflakes. If you like the ugly fractal snowflakes in divine atmosphere then don’t bother with the other two mods, but if not, you need the vanilla snowflake edit and the snowflake texture mod to go together. Therefore, you can leave out any mod on this list that you don’t want except for USSEP), and the game will function normally.
To customize settings of mods while in-game, go to magic -> powers. “Equip” the mod you want to change and press RB once out of the menu. This is relevant to divine atmospheres, divine interiors, flute finder, convenient horses, and some dialogue mods.
Most mods on this list can be downloaded or deleted safely while playing a pre-existing save file. Deleting mods become problematic when you have already added and interacted with a custom item to the game and then delete the mod that supported the item. When testing new mods, I suggest only adding a few at a time so that you know what to delete if you encounter any issues.
If you are reading this on a laptop or PC, you can press command/control F to search for keywords of the mods you want to install to find where they belong in the LLO.
Personally, my favorite mods that I’ve added to the game are the dialogue mods and the texture mods. They make Skyrim feel like a real world with real people living in it and I would highly suggest using some or all of them. I’d also love to hear everyone’s suggestions on proposed edits to this load order. Please let me know if you are aware of any conflicting mods or bugs, or if I have made any mistakes in my layperson's explanation of techy stuff. Unsure if this is relevant information, but I’m located in the USA.
Extra notes:
What the heck is a leveled list? A leveled list is a change in the code that makes changes to certain values. Such as changing how much gold a character has or how powerful an enemy is.
And what exactly is an area edit? An area edit is any mod that adds or significantly changes a location in the game. This includes adding extra trees, adding extra smelters, or adding custom player homes that do not exist in vanilla, among other things.
Why are there all of these categories and why is it so complicated? LLO sorts mods so that the game can load the most important files first. When LLO is not followed, the game will inevitably crash. Categories allow us to sort mods into the LLO based on how they interact with the game's code. People sometimes disagree on what order to put the categories in, but all LLO templates use the same basic categories.
I do not use immersive citizens AI because multiple people have reported bugs. Other people have no issues with it, but I prefer to stay on the safe side.
Remember to lower your in-game brightness, especially when you are using divine interiors and divine atmospheres. If the brightness is all the way up, things will start to glow. You will have to use torches in locations with zero light, such as corners in caves. This adds a realistic feel to the game. If you give a torch to your follower, they will automatically use it in in low-light conditions. I switch between default/glimmegrim/vivid depending on where I am and how colorful I want things to be. The game may look darker overall as you can see in the screenshots, but this is more true to how lighting works in the real world.
Skyrim 101 tip: When you ditch items to reduce your carry weight, store them somewhere (such as a dead body or a chest) instead of dropping them on the ground. If you drop items all over your game it will eventually lag.
When creating a new character, keep in mind that once you start playing, you might change the lighting and make the colors more saturated. For example: I accidentally gave myself yellow hair instead of natural blonde because I forgot about lighting and atmosphere changes. This is another reason to install the vanity mirror mod, which allows you to change your character mid-game.
Storage space: all of the mods I have listed here take up approximately 4.36GB.
I suggest keeping a note of your LLO on your phone so that you can easily categorize mods you want to add the future.
Sometimes LLO will not save, so I recommend double-checking that everything landed in the right spot or backing up your LLO to bethesda before exiting the LLO menu.
Sometimes you need to restart your game to enable a newly installed mod.
How to delete a complex mod without causing problems: disable the mod, hard reset (hold power button for 10 secs or unplug the console), uninstall the mod, hard reset.
I’ve noticed a bug where I cannot tell my follower (Lydia) to do anything in “command mode”. I don’t know what’s causing this- it seems like a dialogue issue but I rarely use the command mode feature anyway so it’s small enough for me to ignore for now. Let me know if you find out what's causing this!
*Blurb over\*
Master Files
Any craftable item
Perk overhauls/changes
Magic additions and modifications
Any audio
Grass Fixes
Skin/skeleton physics and appearance changes
*The mods I’ve listed in this section should cover almost every visual in the game. Nothing is too drastic of a style change and fits right in to the game’s vibe.
Immersion (e.g. immersive patrols, landlord etc.) - can be tricky to categorize
Anything that changes a character’s/npc face or hair (e.g natural eyes)
Lightweight multiple area edits
Multiple area edits (e.g. divine cities)
*I do not recommend divine cities or divine villages because it can be buggy. One time Lydia got permanently stuck in a modded tavern and I had to backtrack through an hour of progress to get her back out
Adding individual unique objects
Mods that add new quests (mods that alter vanilla quests do not go here)
submitted by LLLNNNGGG to SkyrimModsXbox [link] [comments]
This LLO follows Brxsie’s model. For more detailed info on categorization refer to their reddit post.
You can leave out any mod on this list that you don’t want except for USSEP.
Key:
*= my personal notes explaining what a mod does or why I added it
e.g. = extra examples of popular mods that should be placed in that category
Blurb
(skip this section if you want the quick version of this post)
Hi everyone; I’m not a modder nor a PC player, but I was desperate to figure out how to safely load my game with reasonable lore-friendly updates. Every LLO guide I’ve found so far has either been outdated, contradictory to other sources, does not specify which mods fall under what category, is way too vague, or way too specific. The mods I’ve listed here should be easily searchable on the recently updated Xbox creations menu so that any Xbox player can easily copy this list. Originally, I was just recording my LLO for my own personal use, but I figured this could help people who don’t have the time to put in as much research as I have.
If you are brand new to modding, vanilla+ means that you want to stay faithful to the original game as much as possible while upgrading the look of your Skyrim world and making a few convenient tweaks. The least “true to the original game” mod on this list is convenient horses. In my experience so far, this LLO plays just as smoothly as vanilla Skyrim.
Unless I wrote a note next to the mod stating otherwise, all of these mods are independent of one another, except for: divine atmosphere, divine atmosphere snowflake edit, and realistic snowflakes. If you like the ugly fractal snowflakes in divine atmosphere then don’t bother with the other two mods, but if not, you need the vanilla snowflake edit and the snowflake texture mod to go together. Therefore, you can leave out any mod on this list that you don’t want except for USSEP), and the game will function normally.
To customize settings of mods while in-game, go to magic -> powers. “Equip” the mod you want to change and press RB once out of the menu. This is relevant to divine atmospheres, divine interiors, flute finder, convenient horses, and some dialogue mods.
Most mods on this list can be downloaded or deleted safely while playing a pre-existing save file. Deleting mods become problematic when you have already added and interacted with a custom item to the game and then delete the mod that supported the item. When testing new mods, I suggest only adding a few at a time so that you know what to delete if you encounter any issues.
If you are reading this on a laptop or PC, you can press command/control F to search for keywords of the mods you want to install to find where they belong in the LLO.
Personally, my favorite mods that I’ve added to the game are the dialogue mods and the texture mods. They make Skyrim feel like a real world with real people living in it and I would highly suggest using some or all of them. I’d also love to hear everyone’s suggestions on proposed edits to this load order. Please let me know if you are aware of any conflicting mods or bugs, or if I have made any mistakes in my layperson's explanation of techy stuff. Unsure if this is relevant information, but I’m located in the USA.
Extra notes:
What the heck is a leveled list? A leveled list is a change in the code that makes changes to certain values. Such as changing how much gold a character has or how powerful an enemy is.
And what exactly is an area edit? An area edit is any mod that adds or significantly changes a location in the game. This includes adding extra trees, adding extra smelters, or adding custom player homes that do not exist in vanilla, among other things.
Why are there all of these categories and why is it so complicated? LLO sorts mods so that the game can load the most important files first. When LLO is not followed, the game will inevitably crash. Categories allow us to sort mods into the LLO based on how they interact with the game's code. People sometimes disagree on what order to put the categories in, but all LLO templates use the same basic categories.
I do not use immersive citizens AI because multiple people have reported bugs. Other people have no issues with it, but I prefer to stay on the safe side.
Remember to lower your in-game brightness, especially when you are using divine interiors and divine atmospheres. If the brightness is all the way up, things will start to glow. You will have to use torches in locations with zero light, such as corners in caves. This adds a realistic feel to the game. If you give a torch to your follower, they will automatically use it in in low-light conditions. I switch between default/glimmegrim/vivid depending on where I am and how colorful I want things to be. The game may look darker overall as you can see in the screenshots, but this is more true to how lighting works in the real world.
Skyrim 101 tip: When you ditch items to reduce your carry weight, store them somewhere (such as a dead body or a chest) instead of dropping them on the ground. If you drop items all over your game it will eventually lag.
When creating a new character, keep in mind that once you start playing, you might change the lighting and make the colors more saturated. For example: I accidentally gave myself yellow hair instead of natural blonde because I forgot about lighting and atmosphere changes. This is another reason to install the vanity mirror mod, which allows you to change your character mid-game.
Storage space: all of the mods I have listed here take up approximately 4.36GB.
I suggest keeping a note of your LLO on your phone so that you can easily categorize mods you want to add the future.
Sometimes LLO will not save, so I recommend double-checking that everything landed in the right spot or backing up your LLO to bethesda before exiting the LLO menu.
Sometimes you need to restart your game to enable a newly installed mod.
How to delete a complex mod without causing problems: disable the mod, hard reset (hold power button for 10 secs or unplug the console), uninstall the mod, hard reset.
I’ve noticed a bug where I cannot tell my follower (Lydia) to do anything in “command mode”. I don’t know what’s causing this- it seems like a dialogue issue but I rarely use the command mode feature anyway so it’s small enough for me to ignore for now. Let me know if you find out what's causing this!
*Blurb over\*
Master Files
- Unofficial skyrim special edition patch (USSEP) *almost every source says that this must be installed. It fixes core bugs in the game that developers have not bothered to update themselves
- Convenient horses *allows you to summon your horse from anywhere, store items on your horse, give followers horses, etc.
- Guard dialogue overhaul
- Follower commentary overhaul
- Misc dialogue edits and more
- Relationship dialogue overhaul
- Font replacer - eadui
Any craftable item
- Vanity Mirror *this is to fix the makeup bug where your lips are off center when you create your character. I have not tested this yet, but apparently if you open up the customization menu with the vanity mirror then the makeup will work again. Cheat room also works for the makeup issue, but I didn’t want so many extra cheats in my game just to fix this one ridiculous bug
- Get no more dead followers *functionally turns off friendly fire for followers
- Flute finder - a skyrim gps tracker for npcs *this is because I always lost my followers in vanilla and it was super annoying
- Multiple Marriages *haven’t tested this yet so cannot vouch for its effectiveness
- Auto unequip ammo *unequips arrows when you uneauip your bow so that you’re not always walking around with a sheath on your back
Perk overhauls/changes
Magic additions and modifications
- Master of Destruction (xb1) *adds new high level spells that target specific characters instead of killing everyone in the area
- Mining spell *I hate carrying a stupid pickaxe everywhere, so this spell mines for you. I haven't tested this mod yet though
- Better gold *adds slightly more gold when looting specific high level enemies
- Master trader 1x *this replenishes merchant gold each time you speak to them
Any audio
- Chapter II - Jeremy Soule inspired music *Jeremy Soule composed the original game soundtrack. This adds a few hours of similar sounding music that blend in with the game
- Divine Atmosphere: Aetherius *my favorite setting is vivid or grim
- Divine Atmosphere: Aetherius vanilla snowflakes option
- Ultra realistic snow flakes (custom snowflake texture) *if searching for this mod, search for “snow flakes” instead of “snowflakes”
Grass Fixes
Skin/skeleton physics and appearance changes
- pristine vanilla movement
- XP32 maximum skeleton special edition plus *changes some physics for smoother movement
- 360 walk and run *at first I put this in the gameplay mechanics category, but it did not work there. In the animation category it works as intended
*The mods I’ve listed in this section should cover almost every visual in the game. Nothing is too drastic of a style change and fits right in to the game’s vibe.
- Wear multiple rings *this mod is more useful for stacking enchantments rather than pure aesthetics. Not necessary if you want a more vanilla game
- Divine texture pack - architecture
- Dark ages: fantasy dungeons
- Dark ages: dragon Textures
- Divine creatures texture pack
- Omen armors weapons and clothing *I highly recommend this one!
- Fluffy snow
- Dark ages - landscapes
- Divine skins and bodies for men *misleading name: this is actually unisex. Make sure this goes above^ divine people otherwise you might experience an occasional face glitch. This must be used along with divine people in order to work correctly
- Granite mountains *another mod I highly recommend
- Dark Ages: Trees of the north
- Divine SMIM *Static mesh improvement mod. SMIM mods redesign lots of small items in the game
- Lucidaps’ high poly project v5.x *This corrects blocky items to make things look more realistic. It cooperates with the SMIM to create beautifully textured and realistic item designs, such as the ridiculously good looking head of cabbage
Immersion (e.g. immersive patrols, landlord etc.) - can be tricky to categorize
Anything that changes a character’s/npc face or hair (e.g natural eyes)
- Divine people of skyrim: celestial *For more vanilla/gritty looking people, try the dark ages texture pack. Both divine people and dark ages people mods must be paired with its corresponding skins mod, otherwise the textures will get cut off at the neck due to mismatching colors
- Divine interiors shadows and light *my favorite setting is glimmer or default if the game looks too oversaturated because of the lighting. I highly recommend this mod, it makes the game feel much richer
Lightweight multiple area edits
- Unique bridges of skyrim
- Divine forests
- Get more smelters *haven’t tested this extensively but I don’t foresee any issues since it doesn’t interfere with anything big
Multiple area edits (e.g. divine cities)
*I do not recommend divine cities or divine villages because it can be buggy. One time Lydia got permanently stuck in a modded tavern and I had to backtrack through an hour of progress to get her back out
Adding individual unique objects
- Auto Harvest Ring *because I like alchemy but hate picking flowers. Equipping this ring automatically harvests ingredients in range. Just remember to ditch the cabbages to reduce your carry weight
- Dark ages: immersive dragon ai
- Better stealth ai for followers *followers will not start fighting automatically while you are trying to be sneaky
Mods that add new quests (mods that alter vanilla quests do not go here)
- More to say 9.0.2 *this dialogue mod is here because it adds new quests. The other dialogue mods I’ve added are less consequential and simply add a little immersion. I’m unsure if this conflicts with the other dialogue mods
- A quality world map - vivid with stone roads *map mods use up VRAM and many people recommend against using them. I’m not a tech person, so forgive me if this isn’t accurate, but VRAM is similar to regular RAM. This means you can reset VRAM if you hard restart your console. If you are playing with tons of heavyweight mods all the time then maybe you should skip map mods, however in this LLO I have not noticed any FPS changes at all and personally, it’s worth it to me to hard restart the console every once in a while so that I can keep this mod. Source for the tech info (posted Oct. 2023) - https://www.xboxforums.com/threads/ram-and-vram.24007/
- Pastel map markers *Can you tell I like organizing? Color coding the map makes it more readable and gives locations a touch more personality
2024.05.19 04:53 intotheblued Unseated Colonoscopy Experience (NHS UK)
wanted to share my experience as a 28 year old, F, on the very thin side, anxious, and autistic.
had to have colonoscopy due to positive fit test and anaemia diagnosis, and 6 months of heavily bloody multi-daily bathroom trips. I was starting to get very concerned about cancer.
I opted for no sedation because I'm extremely anxious about feeling 'out of it' or not in control of my body/brain or feeling dizzy.
The thought of waking up and not knowing what my body went through was also making me squeamish.
I did a lot of research, I watched full, unseated colonoscopy videos on YouTube, this post from this subreddit was also incredible and explains it all better than I could. but here's my detailed experience of each step.
Prep: The prep was not bad at all, I had Citrafleet.
I prepared the mixture and took it at 6pm (the leaflet said 5pm, appointment at 11am) It had a nice lemon taste and was pleasant. after I drunk it, my medication anxiety/dread kicked in, I was like, oh god, what did I just do to my body. (i've never experienced laxatives before) I was expecting it to be like a movie and to immediately poop lol. I did not have a bowel movement for 3-4 hours. then it was just on and off bathroom trips. Funnily enough the only time it bothered me was I had to leave a competitive computer-game mid-match because I suddenly had to go so bad LOL.other than that, didn't feel too different to my normal symptoms honestly.
then I slept at 3-4am, at 3am I started to suddenly feel queasy and shaky and awful, stayed up too late I think, but it passed and I drunk water and went to sleep.
I woke up at 7am for the second packet of prep, it acted faster this time and then I stopped my 2-hours-before water drinking, was totally empty and went to the hospital.
Hospital: I got lucky, I got a very nice NHS hospital. I had a lovely nurse. They started talking about sedation and I said "I've decided to do no sedation" She said "Ah, gas and air. alright" I said nono, no sedation at all. She was a bit like "ermmm, we'll see about that" haha.
but ultimately everyone was very very respectful of my wishes! they just didn't think I would actually manage.
My heart rate was really high for ages in the waiting/prep room when they took my pulse and honestly I was so stressed they wouldn't do the procedure because my heart rate was high, so I had no time to be worried about what lay ahead because I was so fixated on trying to slow my heart rate. So my advice would be just keep your mind occupied before going in.
I got given huge green shorts, a cozy disposable gown, an iv/canula thing (they assured me it was routine, but I wouldn't get sedation). I had to pee a bunch before and then in the surgery room and had a little blanket put over me.
I had a pillow that was super comfortable and was instructed into the relevant position.
Procedure: The nurses were ALL surprised I wasn't having sedation, they asked if I was really sure I didn't want the gas and air because it can be painful and stopping halfway would be very detrimental.
They said "I know you want to do it without gas and air, some people say say they will and then can't handle it. The nurses also said it's rare someone asks to do it no sedation.
I was mentally preparing myself for the pain of the gas(for inflating the colon). I will say imagining it and feeling it are two very different experiences.
once the camera was in and they inflated with gas. It kept feeling like it was never going to stop inflating. I felt at my bodily physical limit of gas, but it kept inflating, awful awful awful. I can't deny. about 8/10 discomfort, maybe 6-7/10 pain. I had the worst urge to fart that I've ever had in my life. like "If I don't fart I'm going to explode from the inside" levels of bad, which was a slightly panic inducing feeling. The nurses said to pass gas if I needed to, but I couldn't fart. Either because of the position I was in (on side, knees up to chest), the obstruction from the camera, the fear, or because I felt like if I tensed, I'd pop like a balloon.
so "if i dont fart i'll explode & die, if i tense to fart i'll explode & die" was basically my experience with the gas.
Next they said "You might feel a period cramp" and I did. BOY DID I.
I said: "Oh yeah, just like a bad period cramp" And she said "Yeah we can't really help the boys by telling them that" and I somehow managed a "haha"
I think they said "We're going to do some water" but I didn't feel that.
It just felt like just trying to survive and get through it, I was just breathing, I knew I could survive it once I knew the pain I was dealing with. It just stayed consistently awful and painful and terrible. with occasional very bad cramps and awful sensations in 40-50 second bouts in various places in the middle section of my body.
There was so much different noise too from the machine.
The sensations ranged from: Intense gas cramps, horribly inflated feeling, a sucking on my intestines feeling, stomach caving in feeling, terrible period pain, terrible stomach pain, and rippling sensations.
I could barely look at the camera screen because I was just so focused on getting through it. frankly I didn't care LOL. I think I glanced once I just couldn't handle looking on top of what was happening to me. side note: I'm now put off giving birth if its anything like this hahaha.
I fluctuated between tensing from the discomfort and trying to relax. sometimes the discomfort was so freaky and bad my body tensed just to deal with it. If you've ever had a dream where a zombie was eating your stomach guts alive, it was reminiscent of that.
side note: I'm like a cat when I'm in pain, I don't like to show it, and I didn't want the sedation. So I was so badly trying to play it cool.
The literal best way I can describe all of this, it was like the worst food poisoning of your life, the worst trapped wind of your life, and the worst period cramp of your life, all at once, x2 or x3.
A few times my stomach rippled really unpleasantly and I keep remembering that sensation and cringing today
I can also liken some of the feelings to someone sticking a henry hoover into my ovaries.
It wasn't anything I haven't 'naturally' felt in my body before, if that makes sense, they were "familiar" sensations, just not to that degree. I didn't expect it to be such a worse variation of familiar pains.
I also didn't expect to feel all of this SO HIGH UP IN MY BODY?! like the majority of it was felt above and around my belly button.
I don't understand how people say they knew what part of the colon they were in, I couldn't. but they did point when we were about halfway and I was relieved.
For the last part, turn or bend, I think it took 3 attempts, the nurse had to push onto my tummy to flatten something out, honestly, that made me feel so much better, the pressure was really relieving. and I swear to you, it poked my rib when it went through! it felt like it anyway.
There was no pain after that. I knew it wouldn't hurt going out, so my relief was immeasurable, I knew I'd done it.
the only feeling then was just "aughuhguhguh my insides" feeling, and slight gas bloating still. I just focused on my breathing.
They said "We're going to take the biopsies now." I didn't feel that (thank goodness) but I was mega-cringing at the idea. for some reason I felt hot and slight burning in my insides mostly towards the entrance. I'm not sure how they took the biopsies but I heard a tiny drill type sound, and it freaked me out lol. i imagined them frying it off with a tiny saw.
they took, either 6 or 12 biopsies, I'm not sure. it was a strip biopsy, on my report card it has 6 things and says "x2" for each one, so idk.
When the camera went out I asked "is it over?" I didn't really feel the camera go out and was in disbelief because it was quicker than I anticipated and I couldn't believe that I had done it and was feeling proud of myself, and they were all hyping me up so much, telling me I should be crowned as queen and that the nurse could never do what I did. I felt so on top of the world. I couldn't stop smiling with relief.
The nurse called me brave and I said I was only brave because I was so scared of the sedation. Everyone is brave in different ways! You're not any less brave than me if you opt for sedation or Entonox. :)
Genuinely the entire thing felt 10 minutes long, it was like they did a speed-run of my guts, and it FELT like that too lol. just absolutely crashing around the entire mario kart racetrack that was my bowel. I'm just kidding, the doctor was great, it's a baffling procedure and I admire any doctor that does it.
I'd be so curious how long it actually was.. I was mentally prepared for 44 minutes, but idk. I don't want to get your hopes up that it will be short. maybe the shorter, the more painful?
I walked to the bus stop with my mum, I was kind of in disbelief that I did that.
Post-non-sedated-colonoscopy-thoughts
I would do it again if I had to, un-sedated. It was worth it for me to avoid three types of sensations that make me panic (dizziness, sluggish or forgetful)
I'm also really happy that I was able to be there and experience what was happening to my body, personally, I feel like if I was sedated I would always be wondering what my body went through without me being present.
I liked being able to breathe, and follow any instructions.
I've spent the entirety of the following day cringing in reflection of what happened, feeling achy, and being embarrassed for doing it un-sedated (for some reason I feel like everyone thinks i'm crazy).
I hope this helps... someone.
My options of sedation were Entonox or Midazolam and Fentanyl through IV. Lots of people said those things made them so relaxed and the best relaxation they've ever felt. It made me remember the Lavender Liquid dispensed from SCP-294q-01, where they drank the perfect drink and afterwards said "I'm sorry, but at this point everything is just one big let-down"
My brain is immensely neurotic and always in 'go' mode, I was worried if I felt relaxation like that, I'd probably start chasing different drugs to recreate it lol.
submitted by intotheblued to colonoscopy [link] [comments]
had to have colonoscopy due to positive fit test and anaemia diagnosis, and 6 months of heavily bloody multi-daily bathroom trips. I was starting to get very concerned about cancer.
I opted for no sedation because I'm extremely anxious about feeling 'out of it' or not in control of my body/brain or feeling dizzy.
The thought of waking up and not knowing what my body went through was also making me squeamish.
I did a lot of research, I watched full, unseated colonoscopy videos on YouTube, this post from this subreddit was also incredible and explains it all better than I could. but here's my detailed experience of each step.
Prep: The prep was not bad at all, I had Citrafleet.
I prepared the mixture and took it at 6pm (the leaflet said 5pm, appointment at 11am) It had a nice lemon taste and was pleasant. after I drunk it, my medication anxiety/dread kicked in, I was like, oh god, what did I just do to my body. (i've never experienced laxatives before) I was expecting it to be like a movie and to immediately poop lol. I did not have a bowel movement for 3-4 hours. then it was just on and off bathroom trips. Funnily enough the only time it bothered me was I had to leave a competitive computer-game mid-match because I suddenly had to go so bad LOL.other than that, didn't feel too different to my normal symptoms honestly.
then I slept at 3-4am, at 3am I started to suddenly feel queasy and shaky and awful, stayed up too late I think, but it passed and I drunk water and went to sleep.
I woke up at 7am for the second packet of prep, it acted faster this time and then I stopped my 2-hours-before water drinking, was totally empty and went to the hospital.
Hospital: I got lucky, I got a very nice NHS hospital. I had a lovely nurse. They started talking about sedation and I said "I've decided to do no sedation" She said "Ah, gas and air. alright" I said nono, no sedation at all. She was a bit like "ermmm, we'll see about that" haha.
but ultimately everyone was very very respectful of my wishes! they just didn't think I would actually manage.
My heart rate was really high for ages in the waiting/prep room when they took my pulse and honestly I was so stressed they wouldn't do the procedure because my heart rate was high, so I had no time to be worried about what lay ahead because I was so fixated on trying to slow my heart rate. So my advice would be just keep your mind occupied before going in.
I got given huge green shorts, a cozy disposable gown, an iv/canula thing (they assured me it was routine, but I wouldn't get sedation). I had to pee a bunch before and then in the surgery room and had a little blanket put over me.
I had a pillow that was super comfortable and was instructed into the relevant position.
Procedure: The nurses were ALL surprised I wasn't having sedation, they asked if I was really sure I didn't want the gas and air because it can be painful and stopping halfway would be very detrimental.
They said "I know you want to do it without gas and air, some people say say they will and then can't handle it. The nurses also said it's rare someone asks to do it no sedation.
I was mentally preparing myself for the pain of the gas(for inflating the colon). I will say imagining it and feeling it are two very different experiences.
once the camera was in and they inflated with gas. It kept feeling like it was never going to stop inflating. I felt at my bodily physical limit of gas, but it kept inflating, awful awful awful. I can't deny. about 8/10 discomfort, maybe 6-7/10 pain. I had the worst urge to fart that I've ever had in my life. like "If I don't fart I'm going to explode from the inside" levels of bad, which was a slightly panic inducing feeling. The nurses said to pass gas if I needed to, but I couldn't fart. Either because of the position I was in (on side, knees up to chest), the obstruction from the camera, the fear, or because I felt like if I tensed, I'd pop like a balloon.
so "if i dont fart i'll explode & die, if i tense to fart i'll explode & die" was basically my experience with the gas.
Next they said "You might feel a period cramp" and I did. BOY DID I.
I said: "Oh yeah, just like a bad period cramp" And she said "Yeah we can't really help the boys by telling them that" and I somehow managed a "haha"
I think they said "We're going to do some water" but I didn't feel that.
It just felt like just trying to survive and get through it, I was just breathing, I knew I could survive it once I knew the pain I was dealing with. It just stayed consistently awful and painful and terrible. with occasional very bad cramps and awful sensations in 40-50 second bouts in various places in the middle section of my body.
There was so much different noise too from the machine.
The sensations ranged from: Intense gas cramps, horribly inflated feeling, a sucking on my intestines feeling, stomach caving in feeling, terrible period pain, terrible stomach pain, and rippling sensations.
I could barely look at the camera screen because I was just so focused on getting through it. frankly I didn't care LOL. I think I glanced once I just couldn't handle looking on top of what was happening to me. side note: I'm now put off giving birth if its anything like this hahaha.
I fluctuated between tensing from the discomfort and trying to relax. sometimes the discomfort was so freaky and bad my body tensed just to deal with it. If you've ever had a dream where a zombie was eating your stomach guts alive, it was reminiscent of that.
side note: I'm like a cat when I'm in pain, I don't like to show it, and I didn't want the sedation. So I was so badly trying to play it cool.
The literal best way I can describe all of this, it was like the worst food poisoning of your life, the worst trapped wind of your life, and the worst period cramp of your life, all at once, x2 or x3.
A few times my stomach rippled really unpleasantly and I keep remembering that sensation and cringing today
I can also liken some of the feelings to someone sticking a henry hoover into my ovaries.
It wasn't anything I haven't 'naturally' felt in my body before, if that makes sense, they were "familiar" sensations, just not to that degree. I didn't expect it to be such a worse variation of familiar pains.
I also didn't expect to feel all of this SO HIGH UP IN MY BODY?! like the majority of it was felt above and around my belly button.
I don't understand how people say they knew what part of the colon they were in, I couldn't. but they did point when we were about halfway and I was relieved.
For the last part, turn or bend, I think it took 3 attempts, the nurse had to push onto my tummy to flatten something out, honestly, that made me feel so much better, the pressure was really relieving. and I swear to you, it poked my rib when it went through! it felt like it anyway.
There was no pain after that. I knew it wouldn't hurt going out, so my relief was immeasurable, I knew I'd done it.
the only feeling then was just "aughuhguhguh my insides" feeling, and slight gas bloating still. I just focused on my breathing.
They said "We're going to take the biopsies now." I didn't feel that (thank goodness) but I was mega-cringing at the idea. for some reason I felt hot and slight burning in my insides mostly towards the entrance. I'm not sure how they took the biopsies but I heard a tiny drill type sound, and it freaked me out lol. i imagined them frying it off with a tiny saw.
they took, either 6 or 12 biopsies, I'm not sure. it was a strip biopsy, on my report card it has 6 things and says "x2" for each one, so idk.
When the camera went out I asked "is it over?" I didn't really feel the camera go out and was in disbelief because it was quicker than I anticipated and I couldn't believe that I had done it and was feeling proud of myself, and they were all hyping me up so much, telling me I should be crowned as queen and that the nurse could never do what I did. I felt so on top of the world. I couldn't stop smiling with relief.
The nurse called me brave and I said I was only brave because I was so scared of the sedation. Everyone is brave in different ways! You're not any less brave than me if you opt for sedation or Entonox. :)
Genuinely the entire thing felt 10 minutes long, it was like they did a speed-run of my guts, and it FELT like that too lol. just absolutely crashing around the entire mario kart racetrack that was my bowel. I'm just kidding, the doctor was great, it's a baffling procedure and I admire any doctor that does it.
I'd be so curious how long it actually was.. I was mentally prepared for 44 minutes, but idk. I don't want to get your hopes up that it will be short. maybe the shorter, the more painful?
I walked to the bus stop with my mum, I was kind of in disbelief that I did that.
Post-non-sedated-colonoscopy-thoughts
I would do it again if I had to, un-sedated. It was worth it for me to avoid three types of sensations that make me panic (dizziness, sluggish or forgetful)
I'm also really happy that I was able to be there and experience what was happening to my body, personally, I feel like if I was sedated I would always be wondering what my body went through without me being present.
I liked being able to breathe, and follow any instructions.
I've spent the entirety of the following day cringing in reflection of what happened, feeling achy, and being embarrassed for doing it un-sedated (for some reason I feel like everyone thinks i'm crazy).
I hope this helps... someone.
My options of sedation were Entonox or Midazolam and Fentanyl through IV. Lots of people said those things made them so relaxed and the best relaxation they've ever felt. It made me remember the Lavender Liquid dispensed from SCP-294q-01, where they drank the perfect drink and afterwards said "I'm sorry, but at this point everything is just one big let-down"
My brain is immensely neurotic and always in 'go' mode, I was worried if I felt relaxation like that, I'd probably start chasing different drugs to recreate it lol.