The moment a lot of you have been waiting for is here!
A couple of notes before you read (or after because I would just jump into the list right away too)

1. Direct quotes from Ali herself are in italics.
2. I tried my best to keep everything in timeline order. Some people like The Come Back Kid I placed in the order where they reconnected/talked about on the pod. But I did my best to note this.
3. All this information came from the FMH podcast, the Patreon, the original FMH blog, TikTok and other podcast that feature FMH/Ali. I also crossed reference information with this sub. I got most of this done with the help of the Patreon and listening to 1.75x speed but I lost accessed to the Patreon because my subscription ended.
4. I'm open to edits! Things around the matchmaker era confused me and if anything is incorrect or if I'm missing someone, please let me know! I will note where corrections are made.
5. Some people don't have anything simply because only a name was said or I couldn't find any details about the person/date
6. And of course, please be respectful of all the sub rules!

Names on the original FMH blog

• Mr. Adorable aka The Coach
• Trouble
• Waffles
• Future Husband Brian (FHB)
• Cookie
• Peter Pan
• Ambiguous Goodbye Guy
• Bad Bitch Man

AOL chatroom Boyfriend
Mentioned on Tiktok and on the pod once
Myspace Boyfriend
Mentioned on Tiktok
Third Boyfriend
Met on eCrush.com in 2002 and this was mentioned on the Cracked Up podcast, The Dave Glaser Podcast and Tiktok
The Kiwi
Met on a 2 week Model UN type youth trip in high school when Ali was 15, never a boyfriend but she had a huge crush on him, he tried to kiss Ali and she literally ran away, didn’t talk the rest of the trip but exchanged numbers and screen names (Ali’s was FineGal13 or BeachJewel760), she made him a mixtape cd called “Ali’s really cool mix for The Kiwi” but never sent it and she still has it. In 2021, he DM’d her when she posted photos of her and her mom in France and invites her to visit him in London, she says she can’t but says they should catch up if he comes to NYC
Fourth Boyfriend
Met on OkCupid when you had to use it on the computer, this was mentioned on Tiktok
The Homecoming Date or Light Switch
First boyfriend? (she goes back and forth calling him her first bf or a situationship), a family friend, a month younger than Ali, dated in high school but went to different high schools, football player, made him ask her to her Homecoming dance over email (her words), Ali hid in the bathroom the whole Homecoming dance, 3-4 revisits of this situations as adults, saw him on Bumble a few years ago and texted him that he had a typo in his bio, “he very much wanted to be with me” and now he’s married with a kid. His mom is still “obsessed” with Ali and she listens to FMH
Random college guy
Freshman year of college, Ali doesn’t have a nickname for him/doesn’t remember his real name, met this guy through a friend, was texting him to invite him over to hot tub but her phone autocorrected to “how about some hot rubbing tonight?” but Ali didn’t noticed/didn’t correct it and he never replied, Ali had a house party and got really drunk and was all over him, he left the party early, she messaged him on MySpace 3-4 times asking why he left
The Resident
Matched on Match.com, first guy she dated in NYC after college, older than Ali, a doctor, lasted 3 months ”maybe”, he didn’t like Ali’s friends, got a card from him on her birthday and it said “Love, The Resident” and it took Ali back a little, Ali drinks black coffee because of him, he coordinated having her mom visit NYC for her birthday then he broke up with her a week later
The Ghost
Met at a bar when she was 25, turns out they matched on OkCupid and they already had a date scheduled next week, they dated for 6-8 weeks, had sleepovers, “The worst ghosting experience I’ve ever had”, he borrowed The Great Gatsby from Ali’s roommate, planned to make dinner together after a beach trip in August with her friends and never showed up, Ali is blowing up his phone and gets no reply, two weeks later she finally texts “are you alive? check yes or no” and he responds “Yes”, Ali then ask if he could return the book and gets no reply again, 5 months go by and she receives the book in the mail with the note: “Here’s the book back. Sorry. P.S. sorry about last summer. I was in a bad place. You’re a great person and your salmon is amazing”, since then she has ran into him twice on the streets and matched with him on Bumble
The Coach/Mr. Adorable
First serious boyfriend at 26/27 in 2013, matched on Match.com or met through work depending if you’re listening to the pod or reading her OG blog, clean-cut look, played volleyball, Ali invited him to a friend’s birthday party and they made out in the streets at 4am, on their second date he asked Ali if she was seeing any one and when Ali said no he ask her to be his girlfriend 3 days after their first date, dated for almost 1.5 years or almost 2 years depending on if you’re listening to the pod or the Patreon, first time saying “I love you” to a guy, “lovely guy“, never would posted Ali on his instagram until Ali said something, he “lived” with her for two weeks while he was in between apartments, tried blind folding/hair pulling during sex and she didn’t like it, by the end of their relationship Ali didn’t like sex and thought she wasn’t a very sexual person, after they broke up Ali drunk texted him at 2am and he picked her up and she spent the night and she took her things in the morning in a rolly suitcase, from her blog in 2015: “I just want to be careful I don’t end up with another Mr. Adorable situation, where I find myself dating my platonic best friend”, had drinks with him in 2016 from the blog: “Not in a romantic way (at least on my end)”, Ali still talks to him sometimes through casual instagram DMs, he’s currently (as of 2021) dating someone for 4+ years and Ali thinks they’re going to get engaged
Trouble
OG 2015 FMH blog, never mentioned on the pod, “I was immediately enamored with him”, met at a Beer Olympic party but he worked with one of Ali’s best friends (Ali was still dating The Coach at the time), lived in BK, tattoos and stubble, Ali’s best friend said he was a “fuck boy”, “he very much made me see that it was the right thing for me and The Coach to not be together”, from her blog in 2015: “he has this look in his eye like he’s constantly laughing at me – in a super sexy way”, he texted her saying he didn’t see anything romantically with her and she sent a gif of someone shrugging
Personal side note: Ali has mentioned she has cheated on someone but never disclosed who she cheated on or with. I feel like she cheated on Mr.A/The Coach with Trouble because of the timeline. Just a guess.
Waffles
Matched on Bumble, OG 2015 FMH blog, he asked Ali fuck/marry/kill breakfast foods, dated 2 months around summer time, on Fourth of July while watching fireworks he said how they had a great day and Ali replied with something along the lines with “yeah, it would be better if I could call you my boyfriend”, he said he wanted a relationship but just not with Ali and shortly afterwards they stopped seeing each other
The Buffalo
Lived in Buffalo NY, 6’5, Scorpio, met in 2015 at Adults National volleyball (Ali’s team won that year) where he was heckling her while she was playing, asks Ali’s mom for her number and Ali’s mom said “I guess you’re tall enough” and told him to ask her himself, he flew her out and she met his parents, dated over summer, exclusive but never boyfriend/girlfriend (but called him her LD boyfriend on TikTok), texted and talked on the phone a lot, Ali’s best friend’s favorite ex “they had really good banter”, in October he invited her to his cousins wedding and she invited him to her friends wedding, after Ali bought her ticket to his cousins wedding (with the promise he would buy her ticket to her friend’s wedding) he ghosted and stonewalled her, she “poured her heart out to him on voicemail” and he never replied, she asked him to pay her back for her ticket and he got mad that she “made this about money”, 2 years later he told Ali that he freaked out because he really liked her and saw a future with her but knew she would never move to Buffalo and it would “never work”, Ali said at the time she would have considered moving for him, Ali used to have him blocked on Facebook and told all her friends not to update her on info about him (unless she asked). He’s now married and goes to Disney with his wife (which Ali kind of scoffs at?), Ali said on TikTok that she dodged a bullet
Baby Bic
Met him at Adults National years ago, had a flirtationship with him in 2016 when he was 19 years old, ran into him at the Adults Nationals 2021, last texts she got from him were about getting his fake ID taken away at the bar and him visiting her in NYC but Ali didn’t want to buy him beer and drink at her apartment
The Chef
Matched on Tinder around 2016, he loved karaoke, “total shit”, asked Ali to be his girlfriend and to meet his mom after a month, off and on dating, broke up the first time because he was talking to his ex, lied and flew to Mexico to see his ex while dating Ali, that ex sent Ali a Snapchat of them in bed together on that Mexico trip, Ali broke up with him via text and called him a shitty boyfriend, he’s the reason Ali deleted her Snapchat because of drunk Snaps he would send post break up, FB messaged Ali 6 years later (while Roark was visiting/staying with Ali) and said sorry for being a shit head. Ali’s best friends hated him
The Dentist
Met on Halloween in the wild, Canadian, dated NYE 2016- May 2017 “nice guy, not my guy”, one of Ali’s best friend’s favorite ex “he adored you, “he was too sweet for me” and “he had no edge to him”, he painted Ali’s cat for her 30th birthday but she was annoyed it was just Rory and not both cats, The Chef texted Ali while on a date/sleeping at his house
ASV - Aspiring Sober Vegan
Met through a friend (her best guy friend’s college roommate) the day before she had to fly out to her dad’s memorial, a doctor, into meditation, remembered him “being cuter” when they went on a first date, felt “the spark”, had “omg this is awesome sex”, Ali described this relationship as a “slow burn” and “the most attracted she ever been to a partner” even thought she didn’t think he was that cute in the beginning, dated 2-3 months before he tried to ghost Ali but they talked and broke up, four months later they start casually dating/FWB because he’s moving but this turns into a ‘middle distance relationship’ and he moves to Philly, had a lot of communication issues but didn't have a lot of fights, wants to live in Ohio and give a % of his income to charity, Ali was close to saying ‘I love you’ but didn’t, he uninvited her to meet his extended family and they got in a fight, broke up with her a couple weeks before their 6 month anniversary at the park while on a picnic and told her that she’s still his favorite person, Ali used to think he was “the one that got away” and would frequently have dreams about him. From what Ali knows, he's sober but not vegan
The Scientist
2017 or 2018ish, from San Diego, went on one date, Ali ended up ghosting him due to the decline in her dad’s health, saw him on Hinge while she was in San Diego for 3 months in 2020, texted him and apologized for ghosting him, ended up going on 2-3 more dates, took a selfie in front of his house and sent it to him but acted like she didn’t know that was his house and made a TikTok about it, things ended up not working but she doesn’t make it clear on who ended it. She can now see she shouldn’t have been going on dates during this time when her dad was sick.
Good on Paper Divorced Dude
Met a couple of years ago (she told this story on TikTok in 2020) on Bumble
The Groomsman
Met at her friend Ashley’s wedding in Chicago Oct 2019, had a “two night stand” with him, texted/talked/FT’d for 3-4 months, divorced, never dated seriously/FWB, saw each other a couple time when he came to NYC, Ali stopped talking with him due to FMH and her trying to find a serious relationship, he starts dating someone, follows FMH on insta, slid into her DM in 2022 and then sent her soup while she was sick, turns out he’s single again, 2 months later Ali is heading to Chicago and texts him “Hello! Reminder that my arrival to your neck of the woods is imminent” and turns out he is now seeing someone and Ali doesn’t see him while in Chicago (at least she doesn’t mention it)
Unnicknamed person
He was her plus one at her best friend from college’s NYE wedding 2019/2020, met and hung out with Ali’s mom, posted photos of them together on her personal Insta story, “fully dating but weren’t official hehe” doesn’t have a nickname/never gave him a nickname? This could be The Latvian/the person she texted her friend in DC about saying “I think I’m on a date with my husband”

Starts FMH on January 2020 on Instagram/TikTok

The Traveler
He was browsing Bumble while Ali was in the bathroom during their first date, he was banned from Bumble and was using his grandma phone number. Ali turned down a second date
The Duke
Early FMH, went for long periods of time in between texts, 7-8 Zoom dates while Ali was in San Diego and he was in NY, Ali said you could see three of his ex’s on his instagram page (without scrolling), they finally went on one date and it was “meh” but they did kiss on their date
The Oyster
Matched on Bumble (he had one photo and no bio) two weeks before Valentines Day, Gemini, a lawyer, part of the 13 First Dates in 30 Days series (he was #13), dated Feb 2020-Aug 2020, love bomber, felt “the spark” and became official after 3 dates, best first date ever??? at the time, said “I love you” to Ali after two weeks, “For most of my relationship with The Oyster, he didn’t live in the city he had moved to Connecticut without telling me”, would fight all the time, opposite political views, Ali felt like a “fucking summer camp director” because she planned all their dates and he would get upset if Ali didn't have a plan, sought out a therapist (Megan) because of her relationship struggles because of him, went to Mass/church, he wanted a traditional marriage/life/wife/kids (at one point had Ali thinking she wanted that), didn’t want to live in NYC, didn’t support BLM, Cindy hated him
The Pilot
Went on 3 dates, texted a lot, didn’t hear back from him in four days and when she said she was looking to date someone who showed more consistency, he replied saying he met someone the day after their last date who seems to have more free time than Ali and he wants to pursue that but would like to be friends, Ali said on TikTok that this other women “bent her schedule to his schedule” and she was unwilling to do that. Mostly talked about him on TikTok
The Analyst
Matched on Bumble two years ago and went on one date, re matched in 2021 and he stood Ali up, she send him a text “getting stood up” script and he never replied. Only mentioned him on TikTok (?)

Ali and Roark start FMH: The Podcast February 2021

The Boomerang
First date on the pod? I couldn't find anything else about him
The Scuba Diver
The Music Man
One date, “he didn’t do anything wrong, he’s just not for me”, amped up small talk, complimented Ali a lot which made her feel awkward cause she wasn’t feeling it, he texted her and asked for a second date and Ali sent the no ghosting script
The Bet
Uses the phrase “ok bet”, 28 years old shoe designer, only went on one dinner date to a spot he picked, turns out its cash only and he didn’t bring cash, was not into him , not looking for the same thing
The Dinosaur
Nickname was previously The Hawaiian, first date at Dinosaur BBQ, stood in a parking spot to save for Ali, he asked for a kiss after their date and Ali declined saying maybe next time
The Rose
He sent her a rose on hinge, first date was an hour long walk in the park while drinking beer
The Comic
Matched on Hinge, older than Ali (Ali’s friends express how happy they were to hear that), had brunch on their first date (was the first part of a double header but the second guy canceled), listed as “moderate” politically on Hinge, good and easy convo, went back and forth twice over text and then never heard back from him, “technically not ghosting...”
The Camper
Met in the wild at a volleyball tournament in July, lives in Chicago, 27 years old, hung out the whole time, over heard Ali asking someone to get her a make out partner, gave Ali his number, drunkly ask him for a FT date in the future and he didn’t reply, Ali texts him again about a volleyball thing and he replied back with not a lot of enthusiasm, Ali is going to Chicago in Sept for a volleyball tournament and she’s already planning on playing 4-on-4 with her best friend vs. his roommate and maybe The Camper, he texts her saying he has to work on the date of the tournament and won’t be able to do the 4-on-4 game, “I feel like I got broken up with someone I never want to date in the first place”

Ali’s Matchmaker contract starts in August 2021 - 6 matches

The Schmoozer
Went on a dinner date, was chatting up the waitress in a kind of creepy way, was bragging about a lot of things and it turned Ali off and Ali texted him her no ghosting script
The Accountant
1st matchmaker match, 31 years old, lives in BK, his dad has also passed away, easy to talk to, on the third date she wasn’t sure if she saw a future with him and in her gut doesn’t feel like this would be a slow burn, Ali breaks things off with him, months (?) later he sent Ali a 5 min long voice memo and they said they were both down to see each other as friends. He later on dated and ghosted Erica
The Aussie
Matched on Hinge, in politics, from Australia but lived all over the place, asked Ali what she’s looking for on the first date and he said he’s “casually looking for something serious”, Ali accidentally walks up to a different person on their second date, Ali texts him saying she would love to see him before he leaves on a trip and she wasn’t happy that it took him till the next day to reply and he can’t see her before he leaves
The Goalie
Was supposed to be Ali’s 2nd match, he’s a paying client, Ali didn’t hear back from him for a while when she told him where she lived, he wrote to the matchmaker saying that she lived too far away even though it states where she lives in her matchmaker profile
The Journalist
2nd matchmaker match, ended things because she was dating/pursuing things with The Discoball and paused her matchmakers matches

The Threepeat
Matched multiple times on dating apps but this recent time with Hinge, Amazon seller, first date was a pizza lunch date (with bubbles aka champagne) and he gave her a single yellow carnation, talked a lot about her “side hustles” aka her food blog, coaching, FMH and the pod (Ali didn’t mentioned the name on FMH), had an awkward half kiss during the date and then gave her a peck when they said goodbye, he had no night stands by his bed?, spent the night but told public pod they had a movie night, different kissing styles, 6 dates, broke things off with Ali two days before her first date with The Rower WHILE Ali was on a Halloween girls trip
The Rower
Dated from Halloween 2021 till early Feb 2022, Pisces who is 6 days older than Ali, has an ex-fiancé (they dated for 8 years, engaged for two of them, she broke off the engagement with him 1.5 years ago once he started dating Ali), has a shared dog with this ex, slept together around Xmas on the fourth date and Ali got a UTI, first time having “omg this is awesome sex” since ASV, first person Ali slept next to wearing an eye mask "that's a big step for me", had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, on New Years Day told her that he sees “long term relationship potential” with her but doesn’t want to be exclusive after 5 dates, “we didn’t talk all week”, he said he wasn’t as ready as he though to date someone seriously and “I don’t know why I don’t want to be in a relationship with you” they broke up over the phone, Ali said he’s a good human and wants to date someone like him, 3.5 weeks later Ali drunk texted him at 3:00 am saying “its really hard not to talk to you” which Ali said was a lie, he replied back (few days? A week later?) while Ali was on another date and it made her cry a bit, she replied back saying “the door is closed but not locked” in regards if he wants to get back together. “Fin… for now”

2022

The Discoball
Matched on Hinge but didn’t go on a first date for two week, Gemini, used to be a singer in a band, moved from DC to NYC, went on 7 dates in 2022, had a dog w/ ex and ex got full custody once he moved, met one of his friends on the second date, slept with him on the second date “morning and night”, he tried to find the podcast without knowing the name, podcasted from his house in DC, he would send Ali photos of them together “all the time”, gave a virtual presentation from his hotel room, did Molly together in DC, had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, moved to BK (didn’t see each other for 2 months pre-move), had a sex-less sleepover (a milestone for Ali), he showed up for her on her dad’s death date (something that a person she’s dating has never done), used to listen to the pod but stopped before they stopped seeing each other, ghosted her after they had a talk about moving things forward to exclusive and Ali texted him something along the lines of “your silence is the answer” when she didn’t hear back from him for a week and he ghosted her. Ali said he sucks in #77 AUA
Lisbon
The Brit
M&M
The Come Back Kid
They went on 2-3 dates in Nov 2018 and reconnected in May 2022, "felt immediately comfortable", sat next to a very drunk lady on their second 1st date and was supportive but "didn't step on Ali's toes" when the drunk lady said something offensive to Ali, couldn’t remember if they slept together or not, knows about FMH, ghosted Ali
The Trainer
The Cold Brew
The Nomad
3rd matchmaker match, reminded Ali of The Oyster, wanted kids and didn’t want to live in NYC forever, Ali was upset at first because her matchmaker was supposed to screen for that but the matchmaker DID check and it wasn’t mentioned when she was screening The Nomad, no second date because those are dealbreakers to him
The Catcher
Matched on Bumble, “good not great” after their first date, ~April 2022, talked about sports a lot on their first date
The Gentleman
4th matchmaker match, knew about Ali’s FMH socials before their date, Ali didn’t like his texting style, awkward intro on their first date “like hugging a 2 x 4”, he runs a dating event company and actually email Ali to be a guest on the pod when FMH first started, awkward goodbye, didn’t discuss the actual first date on the main pod because she doesn’t want to give him a reason to reach out again
The Tennis Pro
Ali had a good time on their date, “He is an adult, he’s mature” BUT “I don’t think he was into it”
The Padre
Matched on Bumble, 3 dates, from San Diego, “energy mismatch”, doesn’t want to know or listen to FMH, no psychical connection/kiss, only a kiss on the cheek on their last date, “I haven’t spoken to him since Friday night [a week]”, she didn’t want to do what The Threepeat did to her (break up while on vacation/traveling), she said it might be a MOO

Roark leaves and Erica joins the pod Oct 31st 2022

Captain Kirk
5th matchmaker match, found him on Bumble before their in-person date, ghosted Ali AND the matchmaker???
6th matchmaker match
Last match and Ali states she will not talk about this date or anything about it
JFK Kirk?
Matched on Bumble, didn’t realize he’s located in SD, exchanged personal instagram info, not sure where things went or how things ended

Kirk #1
Met in the wild, make out a lot the night they met, “stealing kisses throughout the night”, exchanged numbers, planned a date (no specifics, just the day) but when Ali texted him day of he asked to reschedule (no specifics again), he replied back that he’s picking up a rental car, told him she’s looking for someone to respect her time and he never replied back

2023

The Falcon
First date of 2023, matched on The League, first nickname was “League Kirk”, hard to talk to, felt like Ali was always reaching for the next topic, likes to travel, “there wasn’t a vibe”, MOO
The Roommate
Used to be her friend’s roommate and have met before (Ali doesn’t remember but it was the day after that exclusive convo with The Rower), “totally cute”, reunited at their mutual friend’s engagement party January 2023, made out at the bar, comes back to her place and sleeps over (no sex), Ali questions why her friends never set them up and its because he was taking a break from dating, first date they made out a lot at the bar (again), “I really felt like we were already a couple”, “It didn’t feel like a first date”, mentions her FMH content has popped up on his FYP, tried texting him after their date and he wasn’t giving effort, she’s glad she didn’t sleep with him because “one night stands aren’t my thing”, MOO
The Belgian
Matched on Bumble, accidentally had their first date during a trivia night at a bar, easy to talk to
The Viking
Ali forgot they had a first date on the day of said date
Tinder Man
Matched on Tinder (duh) on Valentine’s Day, first Tinder date in three years, good convo on first date but got a pushy vibe from him at the second bar they went to, put his hand up her sweater and was kissing her in the bar, made Ali uncomfortable and she told him that after her asked her on a second date
The Historian
Matched on Bumble, good conversation on the first date with a wide range of topics like “urban planning and its impact on feminism”, he’s in grad school
The Georgian
Matched on Hinge, he asked if she was free on Friday and she said yes but didn’t hear back from him in two days and in that time she made plans for Friday, rescheduled for a Saturday afternoon date at a dive bar, ate on her way to her date “it would be next level rude to eat on the subway”, good first date, talked about places he wants to take her to
The Publicist
Matched on Tinder, lives in BK, Jewish, one year younger then Ali, good first date, invited him to the Chaotic Singles Party that night, came over to Ali's apartment (which Ali said was messy) before and he made her favorite cocktail for her, a couple of listeners met him at the CSP, goofy and silly convo mixed with deep and serious convos, second date was at the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens and a tasting menu dinner, he made a Resy reservation and Ali got an email saying she was added to it ”fuck receiving gifts, THAT’S my love language”, he's into words like Ali, he sneezed and Ali said "God bless you" but then corrected herself and said "gesundheit" and he leaned over and kissed her and said he loves that she cares about her words, he met her friends on the third date ”It felt so easy. It felt so comfortable”, her friends took “sneaky” picture and videos of them together which Ali said she loves a sneaky pic, took all their date recap videos on his phone, cooked Ali steak on their fourth date, "it's very comfortable", had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, Ali met two of his friends and some of his teammates he plays a rec sport with, had sex the day they took a trip outside of the city, Erica met him before their trip to Greece and I said “he’s dorky in a good way”, WhatsApp video chatted while in Greece and told her “see you in two days!” at the end of their call, said she felt less anxious about him compared to other relationships while on vacation, sent him a birthday present while she was in Greece, felt an energy shift coming back from vacation and didn’t hear back from him 3 days after she came home, Ali requested a call to talk about this distances she was feeling, ”I did the 12 date rule and it didn’t work!”, she said the distance help her see that they’re not compatible, went on a total of 9 dates. Ali talks about the “break up” on episode 123
Mr. Chaotic
Matched on Tinder but he saw Ali at the Chaotic Singles Party and Cassidy the host is there mutual friend, went to a brewery and played games on their first date (Ali said this was her favorite first dates in episode 147 where they recapped 2023), works in entertainment industry, very high energy, knows about FMH and he said she's entertaining to watch, splits his time between NYC and some unknown city, texted while she was in Greece, ”The man gives good texts”
Random Matchmaker Match
Withdrew his match to Ali because he found her FMH socials. Talked about on #71 AUA
Gone with the Wind
Matchmaker match, said some gross things about women in volleyball outfits on their first date, Ali told her matchmaker about this, ”I would describe him as misogynistic overall”, Ali was glad he did say those weird things so early on so she didn’t waste her time, the matchmaker flagged his account. This was around June 2023
The Rock
Ali knows him from an activity that they used to be involved with in the city (she's very vague about what this is) from 8 years ago, he had a very serious/long term GF when they met, follows her personal Insta, has never talked about him because he’s never been a “prospect”, summer 2023 they met up to catch up and found out that he’s now recently single but he’s moving out of NYC for work, Ali texts Cindy saying she thinks this is a date, Cindy said to tell him that you really want to kiss him, he ends up telling Ali “I really want to kiss you”, made out at the bar, Ali invited him back to her apartment and they had sex the night before Ali ended things with The Publicist, “one night stand vibes” but she said she was down to do it again, Patreon only and talked about on #75 AUA
The Tourist
Matched on Hinge, just moved to Brooklynn, went to a brewery in BK for their first date, Ali showed up to the date dripping in sweat, allergic to cats, he sent Ali a ‘no ghosting’ text the next morning
The Stout
Matched on Bumble, ”we had really great banter right away”, laughed the whole time on their first date, talked about going on a second date during their first date
Speed Racer
Matched on Bumble, drinks first date, axe throwing second date, made out after their second date, MOO, randomly texted Ali ~6 months later because he said one of Ali’s date recap videos about him popped up on his FYP (Ali and Erica think this is a lie), he thought Ali wasn’t into him, he claims he was doing all the work with texting even though there was only a few messages since they exchanged numbers after their second date
Billy Joel
Recently sober, Ali said she felt like they had several inside jokes before they met in person, ate pizza on her way to their first date, second date was getting coffee and going to the museum, they cooked dinner together for their third date at Ali’s apartment and they watched 90 Day Fiancé (he didn’t like it), he Googled how to clean a red wine stain when it spilled on her countertop, he asked if she wanted to have sex and she turned it down, the next day/the day before a 7am flight Ali booty called him and they had sex, she was drunk and said the sex wasn’t good/they stopped mid way, helped Ali pack for her flight, Ali said he’s at a crossroad and he doesn’t seem like a long term fit, Erica found a condom on the ground while cat sitting, Ali said she didn’t regret hooking up with him but wishes she hadn’t done it, MOO
Sales Cycle
30 seconds in and Ali said he was very boring, only really talked about his job, stared at Ali’s boobs, “might be a MOO”, texted her ‘merry christmas’

2024

Pie Guy/Dr. Laundry
Matched on The League, 34 years old, requested a nickname change from Pie Guy to Dr. Laundry, he had to cancel their second date because he got hit by a car, went on two dates, Ali sent him a pic of his subway stop saying something along the lines of “the stop isn’t looking as cute today” and turns out someone he dated with in that photo, were supposed to go on a third date the night she got back from a bachelorette party but he didn't answer her text when she said she landed, the next day he asked her how her trip was not acknowledging her previous text at all, Ali expressed her disappointment and he replied that he was tired last night, she said she would've been understanding if he said something then ghosted her
Andddd I stopped listening to the podcast around the Dr. Pie Laundry Guy but have stayed up to date with everything via this sub.
I have a huge interest in dating culture, human behavior and data similar to Ali and this little project of mine was really interesting once I got the framework of this list. I started this list once I found this sub in December 2023 and started re listening to the Patreon while working out (and lost 10 lbs ayeee) and writing down information in my notes app. I did my best to keep this list unbiased and just give facts and information that was said.
My own thoughts after making this list is that I'm very sad for Ali. I didn't realize the extent of her dating history. I think about my own dating history or even my friends who are in their 30's and dating and Ali's dating lore runs so deep. Is Ali unlucky with love? Did she pass on someone that could have been great for her? How has she had so many dates with little success in a long term partner or even going beyond 6-8 dates? Or is Skyline the person she has been waiting for? What's the pattern with all this dates/men? So many questions.
I truly do hope Ali finds her guy because I believe theres someone for everyone. Until then, I'll be hopping into this sub (cause y'all are too funny and give the best advice) and waiting for Ali to find Mr. Height.
Enjoy and I look forward to everyone thoughts! I'll keep my eye out for any edits that need to be made.
Bonus quotes:
“Longest relationship was a little under a year and a half. Haven’t made it past 6 months with anyone else” - AUA #7 11/27/21
“I spent the first 10+ years of my dating life being sort of perennially single” -1. The Actual First One episode 2/21/21
"I think my parent's story is the reason why I think that I can romantically get back together with an ex and it'll work out" -The Dave Glaser Podcast 4/5/21
“Almost every relationship I’ve ever been in, with a couple of exceptions, started as a situationship.” -21. The Undefined One 7/11/21
“All of my boyfriends have been white” -Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“You definitely need an older guy” -Cindy on Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“I’ve been on the dating apps since high school. Dating websites at the time” -Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“Who would be the perfect man for Ali?”
“Clearly a combination of the The Dentist and [the early stages of] The Buffalo” -Cindy on Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“Do you consider The Rower or Disco ball to have been situationships?”
“No, I don't consider either The Rower or The Disco Ball to be situationships” -question asked on TikTok 11/9/22

Back in 2016, I was working at a roadside diner west of St. Cloud, Minnesota. Neat little place, had a bit of a 60’s vibe to it, but without the hairdo. On the slow hours of the day, or whenever we just had locals around, I’d be humming along with the chefs playing radio out of the kitchen. It wasn’t an exciting time, but it was nice to have a workplace that felt like a second home.
A couple of weekends a month, we had an all-night crew to serve passing truckers. You usually never had to do more than one shift though, and we got to make own schedules. Our boss was pretty hands-off. It was during one of those shifts, at the first week of early summer, that my life took a turn for the worse – and I didn’t even realize it.

We were used to having the occasional odd customer during those hours of the day. When this guy walked in, I didn’t know what to think. He was about 6’2, bald, and pale as chalk. He wore this worn-out t-shirt that looked like it’d been on fire. With every step, he dragged his feet, and collapsed in one of our booths, seemingly exhausted.
I looked back at the chef, and he just shrugged. Guy wasn’t hurting anyone, but he didn’t look like he was all there. But a job’s a job, so I went up to him.
“You alright there?” I asked.
He looked up at me like I was speaking a foreign language, then sunk his head back down, gently shaking it.
“Nah,” he said. “I, uh… I don’t think I am.”
He had this voice on the knife’s edge between a hysterical laugh and a howling cry. He was trembling.
“You need me to call someone?”
“Call?”
“Yeah, call someone.”
“How?”

I didn’t understand the question. I figured he was coming down from some kind of binge, and I wasn’t about to take any chances. I asked the chef to get me a side of bacon to keep the guy calm while I called the police.
As I slid the plate over to him, he sunk his face into his hands, sobbing.
“T-thank you,” he cried. “I-I’m… please…”
I sat down across from him, instinctively reaching out to grab his hand. He let me. Even at a light touch, I could feel the scars on his palm and fingertips. Whatever’d happened to him, it must’ve been awful.
“I can’t go back,” he sniffled. “Don’t make me go back. I can’t. Please, I can’t.”
“You’re not going anywhere. It’s okay,” I smiled. “You’re safe here.”
“Can you help me?” he asked. “Can you keep him out?”
“I’m sure we can figure it out,” I nodded. “Just eat up. It’s okay.”

His fingers trembled as he tentatively bit off a piece of bacon. His teeth were black, and he flinched.
“I need time,” he said. “I need time to run.”
“Don’t worry,” I assured him. “We’ve called for help.”
“I just… I just need time.”
We just sat there for a while. He calmed his breathing but kept staring out the window. I could tell he was looking for something – or someone. All I could see was a road and a handful of moths. We sat there for some time, in silence, as he carefully nibbled on the slices of maple bacon.
As two police officers entered the diner, he got up from his seat. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small bundle of scrunched-up trash. A couple of singles, a plastic card, dirt, and something resembling animal bones. He tried to straighten out the bills, pushing them into my hands along with the laminated card.
“Just… I need time. I’ll come back. Please.”
I didn’t understand. I just nodded and accepted it. Seconds later, the officers asked him to step outside and explain the situation. I got busy taking orders from a couple of passing truckers, watching glimpses of the scene through the window. A couple of minutes later, the strange man was taken away.

My shift ended at sunrise. I dragged myself to my car with a yawn, shuffling around my pockets for the keys. I hadn’t thought much about the items he’d handed me, but I took a closer look. I’d thrown away the animal bones and dirt, but there were a couple of dollar bills and that laminated card left. I checked the card first.
It looked like some kind of bookmark. On one side it was completely white, and on the other side there were dried blue flower petals arranged in a spiral. Kinda reminded me of a sunflower. And finally, there were the dollar bills.
I didn’t pay much attention to these at first. Just a couple of singles. But after a closer look, I noticed something unusual. There was a man on the bill that I didn’t recognize. It took me a couple of google searches to realize that this man was Walter Mondale – the man who’d lost to Ronald Reagan’s second run for president back in ’84. Why was this man on a one-dollar bill?

Before heading to bed, I put the items down on my nightstand. In a moment of silent wonder, I looked out the window. What had that man been looking for? What’d he been running from?
There was nothing out there.
Just a couple of moths.

Waking up the next morning, I had a full day off. I spent it cleaning my apartment, watching movies, having dinner with a couple of friends, and ending the night with a couple of drinks at the pub down on the corner. No binge or anything, just got a bit boozy. I was still gonna be in bed by midnight.
I took the scenic route home; a long walk. All the way down main street, past the lake. I took a shortcut through the park by the final stretch, speeding up a bit. That place was trouble.
As I hurried by the fountain, I spotted someone in the distance. A shrouded figure at the edge of the streetlights. I stopped to observe for a second, but as I did, the lights flickered. Coming back on, the figure was gone.
I chalked it up to imagination. I was a bit drunk, after all. Besides – it was small, like a child. What the hell would a kid be doing out at this hour?

A couple of days passed. I didn’t notice anything unusual, but I kept coming back to that distressing feeling of missing something important. Looking back at it now, I just feel dumb. He was there all along. Outside the supermarket. In the parking lot. Off the highway. Hell, he was outside my window at night sometimes, but just too short for me to spot.
I’m getting ahead of myself.
It wasn’t until one morning when I was driving to work that I got a clear view of him. I was crossing a four-way street, taking a sharp left turn, when I had to throw myself on the breaks. There was a kid in the middle of the street.
I hadn’t seen him that clearly before. He was probably around 6, maybe 7 years old. Wearing a plain black shirt and a pair of light blue canvas pants. Short black hair, dark eyes, and no shoes. That particular detail stuck with me. No shoes? Why?
I almost lost control, but I was lucky. There wasn’t much traffic, and I managed to stop further down the road. There were black lines in the pavement from my screeching tires swerving back and forth. Regaining my composure, I looked in the rear-view mirror.
The kid was gone.

But that was just the start.
I’d spot him every now and then. Looking out the window at work. At the gas station. A passing face in the crowd when shopping for groceries. Every now and then, something would pull on my attention, forcing me to whip my head around, looking for the source of that ill feeling crawling up my spine. Sometimes I saw him. And even worse – sometimes I didn’t.
I remember lying awake at night, hearing moths tap against my window. There was nothing else. Nothing outside. I patrolled my apartment six times, checking every window. I’d looked everywhere, and there was no reason for me to feel the way I did. I was growing paranoid.
And yet, in the morning, my front door was unlocked, and slightly open.

It all came to a head one afternoon when I was out on my smoke break. I’d barely slept for the past three nights, and you could kinda tell I was having a bad day. As I stood there, leaning against the side door of the diner, I see the kid again. This time just across the road, maybe 50 feet or so away. I’d had enough. This had to end.
I was furious. I stormed forward, calling him out with every slur and curse I could think of. I was psyching myself up. I was in the right, and I refused to be harassed anymore – kid or not. Didn’t matter. I crossed the road, barely dodging a speeding jeep, and met him face-to-face.
“What the hell do you want?!” I’d yell. “Why are you following me?!”
He was completely expressionless. He didn’t even flinch, no matter how much I pointed or screamed. I snapped my fingers in front of his eyes, and he didn’t even blink. He just stared at me, like a porcelain doll head on a swivel.

I wasn’t thinking about the bystanders though. A couple of middle-aged men stepped up, asking in no kind terms what the hell was wrong with me. I was held back and restrained. Someone called the police. Someone else called my manager – I’d forgotten to take off my apron, so they could see the diner logo. A couple of people filmed it. One of the videos got like 120k views in a day before it fell off the map. I still see it as a react gif sometimes.
It was a disaster. After a couple of officers came by to talk to me, he’d just disappeared into thin air. The officers took me down to the station – not to detain me, but to get me away from the heated crowd. That car ride downtown sobered me up to what the hell was going on. I was being stalked by this kid, but there wasn’t a living soul out there that would believe me.
Well, maybe one.
Maybe.

I was asked a couple of questions and released within about half an hour. They told me to go home and sleep this whole thing off. That wouldn’t be a problem. I didn’t have a job to go back to anyway, according to the (many) texts I’d gotten. I had all the goddamn time in the world.
I was just about to leave when something came to mind. The two officers who’d picked me up were still waiting by their car when I turned back to them.
“Sorry, you picked up the guy I called in about at the diner, right?” I asked.
“Sure did.”
“You got any idea what happened to him?”
The two looked at one another for a moment, shrugged, and turned to me.
“Didn’t have any ID and gave a fake name. I think they took him to psych.”
“Psych?”
“Well, he was saying some, uh… strange things. There were interviews with a, uh…”
The two quieted down and flashed me a smile.
“There’s not that much we can say.”

Coming home, I decided to get to the root of this. It didn’t take me that long to find the place where the guy’d been taken; there aren’t a lot of mental health facilities in this part of the country. Especially facilities that accept involuntary subjects.
But my eyes kept drifting back to the strange dollar bills he’d given me, resting neatly on my nightstand. They were so detailed. A bit old, sure, but that only made them seem more genuine. What the hell was he doing with a handful of clearly fake dollar bills? Like, what’s the purpose? There had to be a purpose.
That unnerved me.

I managed to arrange a meeting. It wasn’t easy, and I think a lot of it boiled down to the police having no idea what could make this guy talk. For some reason, he kept providing them with false information. Maybe a familiar face, for one reason or another, might make him talk.
Just a couple of days later, I was putting my items in a metal bowl on the second floor at a mental health institute in the next town over. I asked one of the nurses if I could keep one of my dollar bills. Apparently, that was okay.
I was shuffled through a couple of locked doors and escorted to an off-white side-room. No décor, no locks. The guy was already there.

He’d been dressed down into these neutral eggshell-white garbs. It was strange seeing him in a lit-up room like this. I didn’t know what to expect.
Getting a closer look at him, he was probably in his 50’s. It’d been hard to tell earlier. I couldn’t get over just how pale he was; it was almost a complete lack of pigment. It looked sickly. His thin arms didn’t help – he looked malnourished. And yet, he was smiling.
“Hello,” he said.
“Hello to you too,” I smiled. “You doing okay?”
“I’m… I’m pretty good,” he nodded. “Thank you.”
I sat down across from him and took out the dollar bill he’d given me.
“I wanted to ask you about this.”
“For the bacon,” he said, matter-of-factly.
“Excuse me?”
“Sorry, was that not enough?”
“No, it’s…”
I took a moment to compose myself. I had too many questions.

He sighed, took the bill, and looked it over. Looking back at me, I could tell there was something painful stirring in his mind. His smile slowly faded.
“Sorry,” he said. “I try to forget sometimes. It’s easier than making sense of it.”
“Let’s start with something simple,” I nodded. “Like… your name. Where you’re from.”
“Those things are pretty far from simple.”
He was looking straight through me; his eyes sinking back to deeper, more uncomfortable thoughts.

His name was Samuel, and he was born around these parts in back in the 1970’s. He’d worked as a telecommunications specialist out of St. Cloud back in the 90's. He had a wife, three children, and a four-bedroom house.
“But it… that was all before, see?” he explained. “Then it all just…”
“Just what?” I asked. “What happened?”
He looked at me, opening and closing his mouth, looking for the right words to come out. Nothing happened. He shook his head, trying again.
“It started with the street preachers,” he said. “Hundreds of them, marching on every city. All saying the same doomsday shit as always. World was dying. All coming to an end.”
“I haven’t seen anything like that.”
“Then there were storms,” he continued without skipping a beat. “Some would last for weeks. Others longer. Entire cities would be flooded or torn apart. Earthquakes causing monster waves along the east coast, sending shockwaves all the way to mainland Europe. Then, Yellowstone.”
“Yellowstone?”
“Yeah,” he nodded. “Lights out.”

Samuel was painting this apocalyptic vision of a world undone. Catastrophe after catastrophe. Hooded people marching the streets, screaming for the mercy of a mad god. But there was more to it.
“Then things stopped making sense. It’s as if the rules changed,” he continued. “Roads would stop leading home. Trees would change color. People turned twisted and corrupted. Like… one of our neighbors couldn’t eat anything but gunpowder. There was a woman just down the street who tried to kill anyone wearing glasses. It was… pandemonium.”
I didn’t say anything. What he was saying didn’t make any sense, but he was trying his best to keep his rambling coherent.
“The plants died. Trees too. The only thing that could grow in that environment were these twisted blue things that popped up out of nowhere. But people… people are what got twisted the most.”
He told me of these towering 7-foot-tall humanoid creatures that roamed the forests. Black as night – not even reflecting light. Arms reaching all the way to their knees. Elongated, inhuman things that all used to be someone he knew.

“The doomsayers all said the same thing,” he continued. “That God was a scared little boy, and that he was dying. Everything that was happening was just an expression of that ceaseless, bottomless, existential grief.”
Samuel looked back and forth, finally burying his face in his hands.
“It all broke down. Roads stopped leading anywhere. No power. No water. Julie changed. Ollie changed. Tobie made himself a mask and wandered off into the woods. Ira just… disappeared. And for… years? Has it been years? It’s just been me.”
“But you’re here, now,” I said. “And what you’re describing, it… it didn’t happen.”
“It happened,” he insisted. “Just not… here. But here.”
He tapped his finger on the single dollar bill.
“Somewhere, somehow, I must’ve taken a wrong turn. I slipped through something broken, and now I’m here. And… and he’s coming to bring me back. He doesn’t want anyone to leave.”
“Who?”
“Just! Just…” he chuckled. “Just a sad little boy who’s been told he’s going to die.”
I didn’t know what to say. I just sat with him for a while, holding his hand.

Before I left, Samuel got up from his chair. He looked at me, forcing himself to smile.
“If I go back, I’ll try not to… to be like them. I’ll try. And… and I’ll be the one to say something.”
He let out a painful little laugh, shaking his head.
“Maybe just a… hello.”

I left that day with more questions than answers. I couldn’t picture the world he’d lived through. Then again, how could it be true? None of it had happened. But what was he gaining from lying about it?
That was the last time I saw Samuel. A few days later, he went missing, as if he’d disappeared into thin air. I didn’t know what to think of it. There was nothing on the cameras – no one entering or leaving the building. No quick escapes, no clever plans. He’d just walked into his room and disappeared. Nothing left but a couple of moths fluttering about.
And for a while, that was it. That was the end of the story. I got busy looking for a new job, and all the little items given to me by Samuel was put away into a little box in my glove compartment. Life soldiered on, and no matter how many questions I had, there was no one around to answer them. Even the strange kid that’d been following me was, seemingly, gone.

A couple of months later, I was driving home from a friend’s place. I stopped at a four-way street, waiting for a couple of trucks to pass, when there was a knock on the passenger side window. I almost choked on my own spit. Scared me half to death.
Looking out, I could see that kid again. I hadn’t seen him for some time, and I quickly bounced between curiosity and downright anger.
“What do you want?” I yelled out.
There was no response. Instead, the door just opened. It’d been locked. As he opened the door, he pointed to the glove box.
“You want his things?” I asked. “Is that it?”
He nodded. I wanted to lash out, but there was something telling me I shouldn’t. Instead, I reached over, opened the glove compartment, and pointed to the box.
“Just take it and leave me alone,” I said. “Get it over with.”

He reached in and grabbed the box. So much effort for a couple of mementos. I turned my head back to face the road. The kid backed out. But of course, I had to get the last word in.
“Not even a thank you, huh?”
That made him pause. He looked at me, tilting his head. As he opened his mouth to speak, a moth fluttered out. Then another. And another.
Then – darkness.

What happened next is hard to describe. My memory of it is fragmented. It’s like trying to watch a buffering video, where long stretches of it are just nothing – but you know something was supposed to happen in-between.
Blink. I was sitting in my car. There was a dark blue sky. No clouds, no stars. Figures in the distance. An open field with blue flowers bending to a howling wind. A powerful stench of ammonia stinging my nostrils. Something to my immediate left, ripping the car door straight off the hinges.
Blink. Running. Ruins of a town. It seemed familiar, but there was barely anything left. My leg was bleeding. I was being followed. No matter where I turned, or where I ran, I seemed to end up at the same intersection.
Blink. A three-story building, brimming with life. Glimpses of arm-long antennae through the broken windows. Clickety-clack of bursting wings tapping against crumbling concrete. A loud warning shriek as something rubs its legs together; a call for prey.
Blink. Hiding in a tipped-over trash container. The rain has stopped in mid-air. Raindrops held in indefinite suspension. I suck water drops out of the air to quench my thirst. My hands are shaking from the blood loss.

Countless little images. Some in order, some not. I have no idea how much time passed. In the moment, it must’ve been much longer than I can remember. Days. Weeks, even. There’s no way to tell.
Blink. Walking through a barren field. It feels like walking through a dead forest, but there are no trees. Only those willingly impaled and wailing.
Blink. An abandoned booth by a broken highway. A sign offers phone calls, in exchange for “real teeth”. There are six sizes of pliers hanging on a wall within. All are bloodied – even the small ones.
Blink. The church that had burned down the night before had reappeared. The people inside, too. They couldn’t leave. Tonight, they would burn again.

Somewhere in this nightmarish puzzle-pieced fragment of nothing, there was a constant drive in me to get away. To get out. I knew that if I’d gotten there, I could get back home again. I just had no idea how. Maybe finding the kid. Asking. Begging. Something.
The last fragment of memory from that space was being cornered in a cellar. They were banging on the door. I’d tipped over a wardrobe to keep them out, but they weren’t going to stop. They were never going to stop. I couldn’t let them kill me again – not like that.
One of the Changed ones were coming. I don’t know what that means, or how I know the name, but I knew of it. There was a mirror, and I could see the signs. It stepped out. Seven feet tall, black as night. Elongated arms and neck. Barely a body at all – just a void space vaguely shaped like the remnants of a person.
Except this one felt… familiar. It was the first one to speak.
“H E L L O.”

Blink. Running. A cold hand. If I squeezed too hard, my fingers went straight through it. I had to keep up. He was showing me something.
Blink. They were flooding over the school bus, tipping it by their sheer numbers. Eruptions from the sewer grates. They were famished.
Blink. An open field. Sunflowers facing me, no matter where I turn. It’s not far.
Blink. I look back, as I’m pushed over the edge. He looks just like the rest of them. They aren’t angered by his betrayal.
They feel nothing, as I fall.

In February of 2017, I was found by the side of the road. I’d been gone for months. My car was too. I came back with nothing but the clothes on my back and countless scars. I’ve been told that I didn’t make any sense at first; I was just rambling nonsense. Or maybe it just sounded like nonsense to these people.
Over time, I forgot more and more of these fragmented images. And the less I remember, the more I can move on. Still, I’ve written them down over time, and they paint an ugly, insane picture of what I’d been going through. Some of which I, myself, have a hard time believing. Then again, I know myself well enough to see that there’s no point in lying.

I haven’t seen Samuel, or that strange kid ever since. I think this is all over, for now. There’s nothing left for me to give.
But even now, years later, I still wake up to that feeling at night. That there’s something wrong, or that I’m forgetting something. That there’s something near that I’m looking straight through, or past.
And every now and then, I hear the flutter of a moth’s wing, tapping against my bedroom window.
And I think I know what it wants.
It wants me to go back.

Around Thanksgiving last year, my 22 year old daughter Izzy started complaining about her back hurting. We just assumed she pulled a muscle or had a pinched nerve. After a couple weeks, the pain seemed to be getting worse. She went to urgent care on a Friday and they confirmed she probably had a pinched nerve. They gave her some meds. That following Monday (Dec. 18) she was in a lot of pain, so I rushed her to the hospital. It was her back and her left arm now bothering her. They blew her off and said that she was fine. I insisted that she get an MRI or cat scan done. Finally at my request they did a cat scan on her back and said they didn't see anything wrong. They said it's probably a pinched nerve, gave her more meds and sent us home.
The week of Christmas everything changed. She woke up each night covered in sweat. On the 28th, her heart was beating fast, she was extremely pale, and had two knots appear on the left side of her neck and one under her left underarm. I brought her to a different hospital.
When we got to the ER, they immediately took her to a room. Her vitals were extremely high (170 heart rate) from the pain she was in. They were considering that she could have meningitis or mono. They wanted to get tests ran right away. They admitted her, and did a spinal tap and MRI. 2 days later (Saturday) the doc said they found a large tumor on her spine. Can't say if it's cancer yet, she would need a biopsy first. They informed us that she would be moved that day to their sister hospital that specializes in cancer.
When we arrived, she was put on the neurology ward in a regular room. They immediately put her on a lot of meds. She was on so many pain drugs, (Oxy, Dilaudid, muscle relaxers, Morphine, Xanax, etc.) that I kept asking, "Is this end of life? Can she overdose from all these drugs?" They would respond with, "no, it's just to keep her comfortable and we're trying to get her heart rate down." On New years day they gave her Ativan. She responded horribly to it. It was a rough day. She was hallucinating and freaking out all day and night. The next day she told them to NEVER give her that again. They told her when we first arrived that anything she didn't want to take, they would respect and not put it in her charts to receive. They would put it under allergies. We assumed they would do so as they said they would.
They finally did the biopsy on Wednesday the 3rd. When she came back from surgery, she wouldn't wake up. She slept all day Wednesday and most of Thursday. I was really concerned.They kept adding more pain meds to her chart. I again was scared she would forget to breathe. That night she wasn't breathing properly and her vitals were going down. She had to be rushed to NeuroICU. They got her stable and explained it was from all the different drugs. They explained that it's trial and error. They're trying to figure out what works for her and they decided to put her on a drip line of Dilaudid. They still gave her other drugs but Dilaudid seemed to help her pain somewhat. They also said she had a spot on her lungs what looked like pneumonia starting.
All week she was constantly telling us that she was losing feeling in her legs and her left arm. By Saturday of that week she was paralyzed. They finally took her for an MRI and saw that the tumor had spread up and down her spine and to her ovaries, and it was stealing her blood supply. She would need emergency surgery asap. They of course came to explain what was happening and the surgeon informed me that Ativan would be used during surgery. I immediately told him no, and that she is allergic to it and it was supposed to be on her allergy list. I explained to him what happened when she received it before. On Sunday they rushed her into surgery and cut the blood supply to the tumor. It was too dangerous to try and remove any of the tumor. They didn't know if the paralysis was permanent, but they were hopeful that the surgery would work. It didn't we would later find out.
When she returned from surgery, she was out of control. She was violent and cursing at me. In 22 years I had never heard her curse, but she was fluent! She was hallucinating bad and kept freaking out. It was scary to watch. They decided to give her some meds to make her to sleep, to help her heal. For 2 straight days my baby screamed blood curdling screams, she would cry out "mommy, mommy" while she slept. She screamed so much and so loud that anyone in ear shot were questioning what was going on. It was heartbreaking to witness. I thought she was having a bad reaction to the anesthesia. I later found out that they were giving her Ativan anyway. They NEVER put it in her chart as an allergy the week before, and the doctor disregarded what I said about not giving her that. They had other options they could have used but he still chose to do what he wanted. I only found out because the nurse mentioned that she would be right back with her Ativan. The nurse had no knowledge that my daughter refused that medication previously. I informed her not to give that drug to her. She went and spoke with the attending physician who changed it to haldol and ketemine. That was Monday night. By Wednesday she finally calmed down from screaming, so they decided to try and wake her up.
When she woke up she could no longer speak properly, use her left arm, or move her legs. Her fingers and toes were turning black. They said it was from a certain med she was on. That it's normal. A lay person could see something was horribly wrong.
Everyday we would see up to 30 doctors. I say we, because I never left her side. One would say one thing while another would say something else. It was confusing and scary. We still didn't have a diagnosis. We just knew she had cancer. They suspected stage 4 but couldn't say until pathology came back. It was traumatic and a nightmare. It went from a diagnosis of a pinched nerve to stage 4 cancer in a matter of a week. WTF?
We finally got the diagnosis on Tuesday the 9th.. Stage 4 anaplastic large cell lymphoma. Very rare and aggressive. They said they were starting chemo immediately. They gave her the first dose that Wednesday night. We had hope. It was a rollercoaster of terror, but the doctors kept saying that she could beat this. I googled everything I could and prayed for a miracle. It's always been my girl and I, so I was desperate for her to live through this. She wasn't just my daughter, she was literally my everything.
By week 2, she needed blood on a daily basis. She couldn't eat or drink. She couldn't relieve herself. She couldn't move. She couldn't speak clearly to explain her needs or wants. Her breathing was shallow. Her vitals were not normal. They would go down and then jump extremely high. She was so out of it, that they had to come to me concerning everything. Her oxygen was dropping significantly and they had to keep changing out the masks and oxygen levels to help her breathe. They kept changing her meds and she had multiple complications from that. They couldn't find any good spots on her arms to put her IVs anymore, and her legs were so swollen that they couldn't locate a useable spot anywhere. They put it on her right side of the neck. During all this she had multiple medical emergencies. One example is they said that spot on her lungs wasn't pneumonia but they now suspected a small blood clot. That medicine she was given would hopefully help, the only problem was that medication was causing problems for her back surgery. A few days later we found out it was blood and it was completely filled up in her chest. She was drowning in her own blood. They couldn't do surgery right away because she would bleed out since her platelets were so low even while receiving blood transfusions. That blood was somehow going into her lungs. I was floored. Everyday I would ask about it and I was told it was getting better, nothing to worry about. In fact the doctor said that very morning it had cleared up significantly. Imagine my shock when the critical team comes rushing in that evening to do ultrasounds on her and tells me they suspect it's why her breathing was going downhill.
On Monday she was transferred to a MICU room on a different floor. This floor felt uneasy to me. There was death all around and you could see it. They said that this floor was where her main doctors were, so that she would get the best care. Now they introduce fentanyl to her med regimen. They explained it that it would help with her pain. She would be allowed so much every hour if needed.
The next day they decided to do the surgery to put a tube in her chest to drain the blood. She now had an extremely dangerous back surgery, staples running up her entire back with tubes, a huge scar under her arm from the biopsy with tubes, and now a huge tube coming out her chest. Her fingers and toes at this point were in a stage of necropsy. But they couldn't do anything about it. They would just have to fall off in time. It was devastating. My daughter was a trooper through out this whole time. She never complained or was negative. She was just scared when she understood what was going on. Honestly I've never seen so much courage in my life.
When it came to her pain meds she was only on fentanyl and Dilaudid drip. She would only receive it when she asked. That was her rule. She was scared she would overdose or become hooked on it and didn't want that monster on her back. She would be in so much pain but would just sit through it. Her vitals were better, but when the pain would become to much to bare, her heart rate would go into the 150 to 170 range. As soon as she got some meds it would go down to the teens to low twenty's.
On Thursday night she had a new nurse. He would administer pain meds even when she didn't request it. I saw him give her shot when she was sleeping. I walked in on him. I asked him if she requested it as I saw she was asleep and he said no. He stated he was trying to keep her comfortable. I asked him not to unless she asks. He didn't listen.Throughout the night as we slept, he would give her meds that she didn't even need. He gave her haldol. She only received that for two days after her back surgery. No one had given her that since. He would give her a shot of fentanyl behind it. I later found this out while talking with her doctors and from her records.
That Friday morning she started having these weird episodes, what later looked like seizures to me. Her vitals would drop and she would go into a deep stare. They blamed the meds. It was constant apologies for her being over medicated again. Even the doctor didn't understand why he gave her so much.She had 4 separate episodes before they (at my constant request) sent her to get a MRI done.
She had a blood clot in her brain. Again they said nothing to worry about. But after experiencing what we went through already, I was highly concerned. As I should have been. They kept apologizing and said they would change her medication up again. I told them it wasn't the medicine it was the nurse. I couldn't understand why he would give her two doses of haldol when she didn't need it. The nurse said my daughter was anxious and thought it would help. My daughter was sleeping so how could she have been anxious. I went off. Something in my spirit was telling me to get her out of there. But how could I when she was hooked up to all these tubes. She was suffering and I couldn't help her. The only thing I could do was use my voice to try and protect her and be her advocate. The next day Jan. 20th, I woke up after a couple hours of sleep, and I knew something was wrong. She was awake and trying to talk. Her vitals were back at a steady 170 with high blood pressure and a low oxygen number so I knew she was in pain. I could feel it in every bone of my body something was different that day. I felt my baby didn't have long as I thought cancer was winning. I called all of our family to come see her. I can't explain it. At one point I pulled one of her doctors out of her room and begged him to tell me what was happening. Shoot it to me straight. He kept saying she's always been critical but she would pull through. He had so much hope.
They gave her some meds to help bring her vitals down and it started to work again. Her vitals started going from 160 to 150. At this point she was having a brain scan done in her room to see what the episodes were exactly. She was awake but could no longer move from her neck down. Which had just started the 2 days before. She had a blood infection and they had to move the pic line from the right side of her neck to the left side but we're unsuccessful because she had obstructions there (2 huge tumors) They had to put the new line back on the right side in the back of the neck. I don't know what happened since I wasn't allowed in the room. I do know my daughter said after they finished, she wasn't able to feel anything but her face. She never turned her head again.
During that day she kept having flem and spit from the congestion she had due to the chest infection and surgery. I would sit there and suck it out for her. No problem, I had been doing it for days with no complaints on my end. The doctors were coming in and out constantly all day to check her brain test and at one point the doctor seeing me and my nephew take shifts suctioning her out said he wanted to try a new medicine she had never received. My daughters nurse interrupted him and said that she didn't think that it was a good idea. They went back and forth for a few minutes and I stepped in and said, it was fine, I would sit there and suction out forever if I had to. Something felt different in this exchange as well. In all of 24 days of being in the hospital, I never saw a nurse challenge a doctor. I immediately went to the computer, where the nurse had typed in the order for this drug, and googled it. The first thing that popped up, was not to give this drug to someone with high blood pressure or high heart rate. It causes a person's heart rate to shoot up high quickly. It was too late. They already administered it to her. Since her heart rate was already high it caused her to go into cardiac arrest. I just stood there in shock screaming is she in cardiac arrest? To which the doctor finally responded "I'm sorry, yes"
They ushered me and my nephew out of the room so they could work on her. After about 30 minutes they called my phone and told me she flatlined but they got her heart beating again. I went flying back in that room screaming at them. I refused to leave the room. She was now on life support, but there was no hope for her to ever wake up again. After consulting with my family and her doctors, and looking at where her vitals were, I decided to pull the plug. She passed within seconds. I feel like the doctor should have listened to the nurse, but his ego would not allow him to. I feel like he's somehow responsible, but at the same time I saw what was happening to her on a daily basis and what cancer was doing to her body. I also witnessed a lot of negligence too on their part. I've been going back and forth since January 20th, about contacting an attorney and seeing if I have a case. I requested an autopsy to be performed, because I wanted to know what all was wrong with her. They informed me they normally don't do that because of the cancer. I argued with them and said I wanted one anyway. I wanted to know what happened. I was trying to understand this whole situation. 25 days prior it was just supposed to be a pinched nerve, but it wasn't. They explained I would have to pay for the autopsy, and I was okay with that. The next day after she passed away, I received the phone call to give my permission for an autopsy. They said it would take a couple days and would let me know when it was finished so the funeral home could pick up her body.
I've been calling for months about the autopsy report with no luck. Here we are in May, I go to the hospital to get the autopsy results and it's all of five pages. It's not even an autopsy report. It doesn't even state her cause of death. It's just bullshit paperwork. All it mentions is the necropsy to her fingers and toes and her basic info like height and weight. I'm so angry right now. I have her medical records, and I noticed on the 19th of January they finally put she was allergic to Ativan. There's a lot wrong with this situation. I even asked for a CD of all her images, from pathology. What I received only two images come up. Everything else is blocked from opening. I know my daughter took multiple MRIs, ultrasounds,and CAT scans in those three and a half weeks. There's no way it's only two images.
I counted all the times the nurse gave my daughter pain meds that Thursday night and it was double what any other nurse had given her at any other time plus with other drugs she didn't need at that time. I found out that haldol and fentanyl is something they give to patients that's in end of life care. Which I was constantly told my daughter was not. Her death certificate states she passed from lymphoma related cardiac arrest. I'm just so confused on what to do. I feel like I'm letting my daughter down if I don't look into this further.
I'm sorry this a novel. I couldn't just ask a simple question with out the back story for you to understand. It was so much more believe me, this was the short version!
Do I have a case or should I just move on and accept my daughter died from cancer related complications? Thank you....

I am an avid Urban explorer, and have been to many, many places. Abandoned Kmarts, Schools, Malls and ESPECIALLY Police stations. You can find interesting stuff there if you look hard enough.
All the good shit is in the evidence and interview room. By chance you could find a phone, a knife and maybe even weed.
Look everywhere but BE CAREFUL, you could potentially set off security alarms.
Take at least 3 people with you just to be safe.
I’ll tell you something that happened around 11 years ago.
It was June, and the nights were hot and humid, most people were inside so we took the opportunity to explore somewhere riskier, as suggested by a friend.
F: “You think we can go somewhere new? I’m getting sick of the orthodox, boring stuff.
Me: “Sure, Where do you think we should go?”
F: “Somewhere risky, like an old abandoned police station”
Me: “Doesn’t sound too bad actually..”
Everyone agreed and so we went.
It didn’t seem to be guarded, but the power was still on.
We couldn’t back down now. We walked 10 miles to get there.
The interior felt dusty, and stunk of rotten wood. You could see that time has taken its toll; Exposed insulation from the ceiling collapsing. The odd few rat droppings and doors taken off their hinges.
Of course, graffiti was there, lots of it.
Everywhere was surprisingly pristine, and we walked In every room.
The custody cells were clean.
One thing to consider is that the place abandoned a good few years. (Around 2005)
My friend brought up;
“Hey, you wanna go into the kitchen? Wonder if there’s mold building up inside? I dare you to touch it!”
Me, getting startled by my friend’s eccentric voice abruptly cutting the silence, replied;
“Jesus, dude! The kitchen?”
F: “Yeah”
Me: “Sure, Why not?”
The kitchen was slightly dusty, and very empty, apart from a few utensils inside the sink.
From our prior experiences, we looked harder for random stuff. You never know what you can find in places like this.
Looking in the most obvious places first, I opened A drawer that was near a blender, its jug shattered into lots of pieces on the floor.
It was hard to get open, the drawer clearly sticky from the years it has been untouched, there were things inside as they rattled around, sounded like pens, pins and something more plastic.
With one big pull, it opened, and I saw paperclips, lots of pens, a few batteries and a dusty cassette tape.
We never found something like that before, my friend being an audiophile, was curious, so I wiped it.
“85102”, was written on the peeling off label.
It was getting extremely late at this point, so we walked home.
First thing we did, was get the cassette decl out, and play it.
tape starts
A: “Here’s a bag, for your uhhh… problems…”
B: “Thank you. sighs it doesn’t seem to be getting any better. Everything you tried isn’t working”
A male and a female voice spoke, age related damage distorting the audio
A: “I don’t know what to say, at all. Is there anything that will work, EVER? I tried morphine, fetanyl, hydromorphone and even carfetanil, every opioid I can think of. And still, you say your body won’t stop hurting, maybe you have bone cancer?”
B: “It doesn’t help. It never helps. You only get me more hooked. And no, I don’t have bone cancer.”
A: “What do YOU think is the best option? You’re obviously in a lot of pain….. the only option sounds like suicide. It will get rid of the pain. Your body can’t move without you screaming. It’s practically eating you alive.”
B: “laughs oh you’re seriously going to say that. After all that, the tank experiment, you tried the femur peeling TO GET RID OF THE PAIN, YOU DID THINK THE PAIN WAS COMING FROM THERE. HOW DID YOU THINK THAT WAS GOING TO HELP, I WAS DRUGGED UP, you’re going to suggest I DIE, Just because you can’t fix this. You’re horrible”
A: “It’s the best option, the pain will leave you”
B:”yeah? Here’s some truth, it can never leave me. I’ve been dealing with this for FIFTEEN FUCKING YEARS! the audio distorts from the sudden yell
B appears to have snapped, and says something before getting cut off
B:You want to do the assisted suicide, FINE. BUT IT WOULD NOT WORK
B: “I AM ALREADY DE-“
the cassette cuts to some jazz music for the rest of side A
Click
F: “What the actual…… holy shit.”
I didn’t have the words to speak…. It was simply the most unnerving thing I’ve heard.
Everything was uncanny about it.
Despite the previous audio shaking us up pretty badly, I went to go and turn the tape over to side B. A sharp, intense feeling of pain surged through my head, my lungs losing their oxygen slowly. Fell on the floor, tried to get up by getting on the couch and did my best not to pass out and die as breathing was getting difficult now. I COULD NOT BREATHE.
My head was pounding , my right eye felt like a sharp wooden stick piercing my eyeball. I couldn’t scream. I kept coughing. I wheezed. And then everything went black .
Who knows how long later, I got up, the pain subsided, and the environment was extremely unfamiliar. There was just this river, an endless river, length and width, with a dark navy blue sky.
All that could be heard was the river.
I must drink, I need food. Was the impulse, there was nothing.
I tried to drink the river water, but I vomited this black gel. It felt like jelly, it smelled like jelly.
Had to continue on walking.
Around half a mile through, a whirlpool suddenly formed and sucked me down into a vantablack void.
Everything felt slow, and the impact of landing on a SHARP big rock, broke a rib and punctured one of my lungs.
Even more gel came up.
My lungs filled up with gel, even more came out, it was pouring as it hit the ground.
Then the atmosphere changed, the sound changed, to something familiar.
The vantablack changed into a beautiful jungle, everything was too real
the smell of the waterfall and plants.
The feel of the grass
I vomited again, again and again.
I was starting to choke. It wasn’t runny enough to swallow.
Couldn’t take any chances and ran to the white door that was open, coughing wildly, the “blood” stickying the soft cotton of my beige hoodie.
The door opened, it felt light. It WAS the embodiment of light.
And I entered it.
Everything went white, and I woke up at home.
F: “DUDE FUCKING WAKE UP!”
My friend doesn’t think we should listen to side B.
Should we call an exorcist, a paranormal expert? Please let me know.

Now that the barrage of methamphetameme has presumably stopped, it’s time to take a breather and go back to actually see what was in them.
Above all else, I focus heavily on what has been altered. Wherever he’s taken a clip or soundtrack and proceeded to add/remove/change it in any way, there’s going to be a reason for why he did. Figuring out those changes or reasons may, in some cases, lead to clues.
For example:
Ocean’s Twelve (Friday, meme #100)
(Note on the sequence: I only started counting from the first video, so leaving out the initial “leaning in” pic. If you think the order is important for some reason and include the first image, just add one. So this would be #101.)
The main part of this clip is from Ocean’s Twelve and the audio wasn’t changed. Nothing was added that I can see, aside from Michael Cera at the end. But something was removed. At 0:12 there should be a camera pan to George Clooney that was intentionally left out. In the missing clip, Clooney looks to his right and camera pans to Casey Affleck, which is in the tweet.
So why is Clooney not there? There has to be a reason to leave out those few seconds.
Someone suggested it might be to make it clearer that there are 7 men in the cell and Clooney doesn’t get counted twice. Or perhaps 8 total in the whole meme, including Cera. Maybe - but then what? Why is that important?
Also they’re all looking to their right while the camera moves left. From Lucky Number Slevin: “The Kansas City Shuffle is when everybody looks right and you go left.”
Or it could be something else entirely, like making sure the video is exactly 26 seconds long. But there has to be some kind of reason for making this edit.
Elaine’s dancing (Friday, meme #96)
Except for the last second of the clip, every single frame with Elaine has some kind of special effect, or multiple effects at once. Only the few crowd reaction shots do not.
This can’t be an accidental editing choice. He didn’t just throw a ton of effects randomly at this clip in general, they’re all very specifically on Elaine. And no, it’s not just about the Andy Warhol filter, I count about 24 different effects used. The exact number isn’t important, but that’s a LOT compared to every other meme.
Why? I have no idea, but there’s something being said here.
Wu-Tang (Wednesday, meme #30)
This one is pretty blunt.
“Though he could have ignored the misconceptions, Kitty decided to keep it real.” What was purposefully changed? The word misconceptions, so that’s what this video is about. Misconceptions and Wu-Tang.
“Keep your motherfucking hands outta my face” the day after they posted a pic of DFV with Wu-Tang shaped hands over his face.
Nuff said. I mean, if you got excited about the Wu-Tang theory after THIS meme, I don’t even know what to say.
Run Forrest Run (Friday, meme #106)
Remember one of the first memes of the week? “When I say run, run.” (#6) Well, Forrest Gump is one of the last. Seemed like a pretty clear positive sign to me, and one I was waiting to see on Friday.
But there’s a detail to note in the meme vs the original movie, because something was changed again. The soundtrack in DFV’s version is the same as in the movie, but there was a line from the song edited out, after which the audio and video are out of sync from the actual movie.

• “Lookin' out at the road rushin' under my wheels
• Lookin' back at the years gone by like so many summer fields
• In '65 I was seventeen and runnin' up 101 (EDITED)
• I don't know where I'm runnin' now, I'm just runnin' on
• runnin' on empty
• (Runnin' on) runnin' blind”

Why was that one line left out? Again, I don’t know. Maybe just to leave out unnecessary numbers to prevent some apes from needlessly turning it into price predictions. Maybe it was for something else.
But once again, it was done on purpose for a reason. It doesn’t necessarily need to be a major reason each time, but if there was no reason at all, these editing decisions just wouldn’t have been made in the first place.
Coldplay, Backwards and Forwards (Friday, meme #107)
At first I thought this tweet was saying “go back to look at all the memes carefully”. Then I once again compared the video to the original Coldplay one. The first three clips are in the right sequence, but the next one has been added from elsewhere in the video and changed to move forward. It shows the guy LEAPing over the wall.
So - there’s that to think about.
Then one backwards shot again and the last two are reversed from the original video, ie. going forwards again. They’re showing him walking from the woods to a clearing. There are multiple interpretations available there, so I won't pretend to have the answer.
Bourne Identity (Thursday evening, meme #84)
Again, what was added/removed/changed? Compare to the original movie.
The actual chase scene is pretty long and a lot of it was edited out just for brevity. But the curious part is why are four shots mirrored?
First one shows the red car from behind with the licence plate mirrored, then the MINI steering wheel logo saying INIM, a quick mirrored shot of Matt Damon driving, and finally the car turning left. In the actual movie those four are also in the same order back to back, but without mirroring the car turns right in the last one.
I’m not sure it’s about the INIM / “I’m in” theory, because if that was the case, why would the other three clips be mirrored as well? At first I felt like it’s more about making sure the car turns left (as in everybody looks right and you go left), but in many of the clips that were edited out he’s also turning left, so I’m not sure why that would’ve been necessary.
Although now that I look at it, it’s at least possible that in this particular case the mirroring was simply done for continuity’s sake, to cut it seamlessly with the next shot taken from much further along the chase, where the car is going left.
Which reminds me, let’s not forget that DFV is under a severe restriction here. Whatever he does limits what he can say and whatever he says limits what he can do. He’s highly liable to misinterpretation.
So, you know, let’s… meme and whatever, but also keep in mind his future freedom of movement. Some interpretations may be better left unsaid.
Split blinking (Friday, meme #85)
This one is kind of meta, because the only change here is a format change. He posted the first blinking meme of the morning on schedule as a video, then changed it to a gif for some reason. I downloaded a copy of the video and it’s exactly the same content as far as I can see.
So why the change? Why mess up the upload time to 10 minutes past, instead of on the hour? It seems unnecessary.
Maybe there’s some kind of simple Twitter related technical answer here. It's certainly possible. I mean, we weren’t always seeing his latest posts in his profile, so maybe he didn’t see his own post and tweaked it to a gif to try to fix it.
But again, it was a deviation from the norm, so it’s at least worth asking why.
Obviously I haven’t had time to compare every single meme to their source material, so there’s loads of stuff I’ve missed. So here’s at least one tactic for trying to make sense of it all, for all the other apes going over this material.
Other unanswered questions are some of the colour changes, like the major saturation tweaks of the Goosebumps opening shot. In fact, most of these memes still seem to be unexplained.
I enjoy a good puzzle, but some of this feels like it's going to remain unsolved for quite a while.

TLDR; “Very average medical student, unimpressive standardized exam taker, no-higher than low 60s on NBME Forms, UWorld for only 3 weeks, no FA or Anking and minimal resources, 30 year old dad, passes Step 1, so there’s hope for everyone!”
Got my PASS this Wednesday, 05/15 and just figured I’d share my study experience with everyone as a very average medical student that barely made higher than 60 on the NBME. I really appreciated reading the reddit success stories from students with similar NBME scores as me, so I figured I’d pass that on to anyone who hasn’t taken it yet, or is a retake coming up, or for future cohorts.
For some extra context, I’m a “non-traditional” student, a 30 year old single dad with an old tired brain, US Marine Veteran, who also worked part-time all through med school just to afford it, and thus also couldn’t afford multiple study resources. Here’s a quick USMC joke just so you get an idea of my academic ability: “A Marine was shot through the head, no major vital organs were hit”..totally kidding but seriously, I’m no academic stud, I was a high C low B student in our med school exams and scored an unimpressive 505 on the MCAT.
Here are my practice test scores:
AMBOSS Free Practice Test – 37 (Abysmal I know, but we were midway through Heme-Onc and hadn’t done EBM yet in my school program and I had not reviewed any past modules yet)
NBME 25 – 48.. this was my baseline
NBME 31 – 54
NBME 26 – 60
NBME 29 – 60
NBMe 27 + 28 – 61
NBME 26 ( Retake) 74
New Free 120 – 61
Real thing - Pass
Study Strategy:
I started out doing 3 sets of 40 AMBOSS, any-topic Qs a day, I’d do 40, then review each section, making anki cards as needed. I quickly found out that I was consistently weak on certain topics, particularly: Cardiology (especially the “carditis’”, inborn/glycogen/lysosomal storage, PTH and Vitamin D arrow kinda stuff, and pulm V/Q, shunt etc physiology). My 2^nd NBME (Form 31) confirmed this, so I switched to doing focused questions on those topic areas, watching the B&B/Pathoma videos for those over and over until I knew them cold.
I tried to take an NBME each week and made anki cards for concepts I both missed or got correct, just in case that was a fluke. I ended up retaking my highest scoring one (form 26) without having reviewed it or doing my anki cards for it yet, just to see if my study efforts in my weak areas was helping and I ended up making a 74 on that.
2 weeks out I took NBME 27 and 28 pretty much back to back mainly to get exposed to the typical NBME content and make sure my results were consistent. I scored a 61 on both. I know that’s considered borderline and blah blah, but I felt ok with it because I saw I was getting a lot of the “HY” stuff right and missing the weird, abstract questions. Also, I had yet to do focused study on heme-onc, micro and EBM which I was saving for the last week. Since micro especially is highly testable and also very memorization heavy I wanted that to be freshest on my mind on test day. Lastly, my Physiology and Pathology sub-section scores, the biggest content areas of the exam, were 70 or so both times so that helped my confidence.
1 week out, I started to scale back on practice questions, shortening my blocks to 10 questions at a time, trying to save what few brain cells I had left. My strategy was still, 30-40 or so questions of focused content and a similar amount of comprehensive questions.
2 days out, I took just one section of the Old Free 120 (again to save brain power) and scored an 87 on it, I was also now consistently scoring above the median line, or 80s-90s on my UWorld all topics included question sets.
The night before, I read a pdf on USMLE ethics that some other med student made back in the day, which I found by googling, apparently, it’s better for Step 2 but the random scenarios it covered were helpful. I tried to find it to add the link to this post but couldn’t. If I do, I’ll add it to the comments.
Actual test day experience:
I was well rested and calm and honestly felt like it wasn’t too bad. 4 blocks went by and I wasn’t too drained yet. My 5^th and 6^th blocks were tougher as the fatigue hit. 7^th block was ok. I’d also look up content I remembered from the previous block that I was shaky on and it helped my confidence to see that I had gotten most of those correct. I took a break each block and then one long-is 30 min break after block 5.
I never had a problem with time with UWorld or NBME forms so I wasn’t stressed about that. Finished each block with 10 minutes or so to spare which added to my break time.
My main mindset in the exam was: “Ignore the exhaustion, ready every word closely, you cannot afford to give up or be tired and skim read and then make silly mistakes”.
I’ve heard lots of complaints about an ethics heavy exam but that was not my personal experience, so I guess I didn’t get that version. I thought mine was a pretty decent spread of topics, a real equal opportunity provider of misery.
I may catch flak for this but I can honestly say that I felt like the real thing was “easier” than the NBME forms.
Here's the resources I did/didn’t use:
Used: AMBOSS (especially the Top 200 Highly Tested Concepts and the Anatomy Illustrated Quizzes), B&B, some Pixorize, UWorld for the last 3 weeks (the basic version with no practice tests), Pathoma, Dirty Medicine YT for certain topics. B&B was basically my medical school teacher and a big part of my Step 1 success.
Did not use: First Aid (I tried so hard to use since so many swear by it, but I just can’t learn from reading), Anking decks, Sketchy (couldn’t afford it), and like I said earlier, only bought a 30 day subscription to UWorld.
Videos I found particularly helpful:

• B&B: Basically everything, but especially the vids on T Cell, Glycogen Synth, Inborn Errors of Metabolism, and Phenylalanine synthesis I think are very very good and helpful with learning these highly testable areas.

- Pathoma videos on 1-3 like everyone always says but also the liver pathology, PTH and nephritic/nephrotic syndrome stuff were great for me.
- AMBOSS has links to Physeo videos on lysosomal storage disorders which is excellent, (for some reason USMLE loves I Cell disease).
- Pixorize videos on vasculitides, nephrotic/nephritic syndromes
- Dirty Medicine for heme synth, CAH, and parasites is great.
Final thoughts:
I sat for the exam having scored no higher than a 61 on NBME forms which is supposedly a huge risk of failing because I was absolutely drained, over it, and I actually got randomly physically sick for 2 days or so toward the end of my dedicated study which I attribute to the stress of the whole thing. Also, at my school, any further delay would’ve pushed my clerkships back and I wasn’t about to do that. I felt like I was fully saturated with this content and couldn’t do more than I had already done.
I don’t know why Step 1 is such a toxic experience that puts people through so much stress and misery.
The wait was hell for 2 weeks or so, made worse by a week's delay in score release. I’m in my surgery clerkship now and that is bad enough so finally I just said fuck it, I’m going to focus on the clerkship and studying for the surgery shelf and forget about Step 1, and that helped me relax a little better.
I was scrubbed in on a case and knew that little email would be on my phone when we got done. I was very nervous pulling open that report but also weirdly confident that I’d see “PASS”..I saw PASS and was of course relieved. It’s very nice to have this awful exam over with and not have to re-study, re-pay the high resource/testing cost and just move on with clerkships and shelfs.
Thanks for reading, hope this helps someone. Good luck to you all, now go get this horrible exam over with, you got this! Happy to answer specific questions in comments or DMs.

To sum up this "response", McLeland doesn't really respond to anything brought forward in the Defense's 4th Franks Motion. He sidestepped every issue.

• He sidesteps the 4:33 am ping.
• He sidesteps or misconstrues what Blocher's statement means in terms of that 4:33 am ping. (He makes two contradictory claims about this.)
• And he adds a lot of nonsensical phone data information into the mix as he did the last time he addressed this issue.
• There is no need for him to remind anyone that when a phone company "pings" a phone of a missing person by way of tower data, this won't provide an exact location. The best the cellular company can expect to find out by doing this, is if the phone is in that general vicinity and in working order. This is common knowledge. People have gone missing and even when their phones were within coverage and working, had not been found for this reason.

And this wasn't the issue that the defense brought up in their motion, anyway. Defense motion was focused on the 4:33 am ping on February 14, not based on the location of Libby's phone, but how a phone that isn't responding to these pings, suddenly does--which again McLeland never addresses.
The location of that phone, if the State's theory is correct, would have to have been under Abby for that entire time. But if the two reasons a phone doesn't respond to this battery of pings from the Cellular Data Provider are that it is either not working or out of the area of coverage of the tower being used to ping, then there has to be something wrong with the State's theory that the girls were murdered by 3:30 on the 13th, and never left the spot where they were eventually found on the 14th.
That 4th Franks Motion was really all about the 4:33 am connection between an antenna on the Cell Tower and Libby's phone, which remains a mystery.
And interestingly, McLeland also does not mention the Magic Bullet, as was pointed out to me by someone in the comments!! Thank you Smart_Brunette. I had completely forgotten about that bullet--and apparently McLeland forgot about it, as well.
McLeland opens with:

That, as in the previous three Franks’ motions filed by the Defense, this fourth motion illustrates a complete misunderstanding of the ruling in Franks v. Delaware, 438 U.S. 154 (1978) and the purpose of a Franks’ challenge to a search warrant.

But McLeland only states what he means by this later in the motion. Just as a refresher, here is the key part of the opinion given in Franks v. Delaware

Held: Where the defendant makes a substantial preliminary showing that a false statement knowingly and intentionally, or with reckless disregard for the truth, was included by the affiant in the warrant affidavit, and if the allegedly false statement is necessary to the finding of probable cause, the Fourth Amendment, as incorporated in the Fourteenth Amendment, requires that a hearing be held at the defendant's request. The trial court here therefore erred in refusing to examine the adequacy of petitioner's proffer of misrepresentation in the warrant affidavit.

[Seems to me the defense has met this standard. Above and beyond the standard, even.]
Next:

The new topic that the Defense focuses on in the fourth Franks’ motion is the AT&T “pings”. The Defense includes in this motion information about pings generated by AT&T on February 13th, 2017 through February 14th, 2017. The Defense also includes statements made by Sergeant Blocher when he was consulted by Steve Mullins about the “pings”.
The information in the motion show that the Defense does not understand the information contained in the “pings” and then exacerbates the problems by mischaracterizing the statements by Sergeant Blocher.

[McLeland includes a lot of irrelevant information, or what I feel is an attempt to obfuscate, following this claim, but he does give some new information we haven't seen before.]

In our current case, when the girls went missing, law enforcement contacted AT&T and asked AT&T to “ping” the cell phone of Liberty German. This was done in an effort to locate the girls. The pings came in from AT&T every 15 minutes. That means that AT&T would send an email to law enforcement every 15 minutes showing the “ping” results of “pinging” Liberty German’s phone. Each “ping” will give a longitude and latitude of the device, with a radius estimate and the source of that data....
...If the tower cannot make cellular contact with the device then the “ping” data will show a historical data location.

[What exactly McLeland means by this isn't entirely clear. Is he saying that If for 10 & 1/2 hours the tower cannot make contact with the device, then it just keeps referencing historical data locations? Are these always the same historical data locations? Or do they differ? And what about the 4:33 am connection on 2/14 ? Was their historical data that came with that?]
(Also it is the antennas on a tower that do this-the tower itself is not sending signal, antennas are sending and receiving signal.)
McLeland continues on this theme:

A tower can lose contact with a device because the device runs out of power or because the device loses cellular service.

How is this different than what Blocher said? Here's Blocher's statement--

Sgt. Blocher advised that his interpretation of the information which we
were receiving from AT&T indicated that the cell phone was no longer in
the area, or no longer in working condition. He advised that since there
had been no change in the every 15 minutes update we were receiving and
the last known contact time had not changed since 17:44 hours.”

[Losing cellular service means the phone is no longer in the area.]
And then McLeland completely contradicts this here:

Sergeant Edwards later says “with AT&T, part of the reason why it says historical here is that if they say, all right, we’re going to ping that phone but they can’t get to the phone, well then they’ll use the last known location from the historical records.
So, that is different than the live ping; it’s going back to the historical records saying we can’t find the phone right now, but here’s where we know it was last.” The “ping” emails collected all show historical data. That means that the tower could not find the phone at the moment the “ping” was initiated, so it just gave the service provider the historical data location. That doesn’t mean the phone wasn’t in the area or that the phone wasn’t in working condition. It means that the tower could not contact the phone. That historical data continues through all the “pings”.

(If the two reasons a tower antenna can't connect to a phone are because it is either out of service or out of range, then one of those two factors had to be true about Libby's phone for 10 1/2 hours. And again, McLeland never addresses the 4:33 am call in this. Was that a live ping or not?)
McLeland goes on to write:

Sergeant Blocher reports that from his evaluation, the last contact that the phone had with the cellular tower was at 5:44 P.M. on February 13th, 2017.

[OK. so the 5:44 pm connection, or ping, was live! Good to know. But what about the the 4:33 am call?]
But then McLeland appears to contradict himself again:

AT&T show that there has been no contact with the tower since then. From that information, he determined that the phone was no longer in the area, or no longer in working condition. The Defense wants this to mean that the phone is not in the area from the evening of February 13th , 2017 until the morning of February 14th, 2017. That is not what it means. It means that since the “pings” were only showing the historical data location, the phone was not having contact with the tower. Sergeant Blocher explained that could be because the phone was not in the area, but it could also mean the phone was not working. This is consistent with the “pings” collected from February 13th, 2017 through February 14th, 2017. That the “pings” are giving an estimated longitude and latitude based on historical data location information not live “pings”.

Still no mention of the 4:33 am call on the 14th, and he's just repeating information he already gave.
And more non-information, information from McLeland:

This information is consistent with the information in the probable cause. The information that we have is that the girls were dropped off at the trails around 1:30 on February 13th, 2017 and that at 2:13 P.M. their kidnapper ordered them “down the hill”. There is no evidence that the girls were ever taken from the area or that they were brought back to the area later to be murdered. Every indication is that they were ordered down the hill and then murdered soon after. The historical location data from the AT&T “pings” does not mean the phone was not in the area during the evening of February 13th, 2017 until the morning of February 14th , 2017.

["The historical location data from the AT&T “pings” does not mean the phone was not in the area during the evening of February 13th, 2017 until the morning of February 14th , 2017." But it could mean this! McLeland has stated that it could mean this more than once in this one document.]
McLeland finally gets to what would warrant a Franks Hearing:

The State has outlined the test used in Franks in its prior responses. In order to have a Franks Hearing, the Defense’s attack on probable cause must be based on deliberate falsehood or acts of reckless disregard for the truth and those allegations must be accompanied by an offer of proof. The claim should point out specifically the portion of the warrant affidavit that is claimed to be false and should be accompanied by affidavits or sworn statements or reliable statements of witnesses. The Defense must show that there is inaccurate or omitted information, and that probable cause is lacking if the omitted information is included. Franks v. Delaware, 438 U.S. 154 (1978). Herein, the Defense claims omissions if included would negate probable cause for the Search Warrant of Richard Allen’s residence.
"In order to have a Franks Hearing, the Defense’s attack on probable cause must be based on deliberate falsehood or acts of reckless disregard for the truth and those allegations must be accompanied by an offer of proof."

[Right. And the defense has done just this.]
And last but not least:

Further, Richard Allen admits that he was wearing clothing matching the clothing that “bridge guy” was wearing that day. That along with other eyewitness testimony and the other evidence gathered establishes probable cause that Richard Allen is “bridge guy” and he is the one who kidnapped the girls.

"That along with other eyewitness testimony"
And this gets us to the very information McLeland never mentions in any of his responses--that Liggett lied about the eyewitness testimony. BB saw a young man on the bridge, no resemblance to Allen or BG & SC saw a man with only mud on his pants, wearing a tan not a blue jacket.
Basically, I feel that this response proves all claims made by the defense. It proves that the State not only misrepresented the facts of this case in all their PCAs, but continue to misrepresent the facts of this case in current motions. Obfuscation is the tool the State likes best, it seems.
Franks Hearing Please.

At the world’s top college of magic and technology, every day brings a new discovery -and a new disaster. The advanced experiments of the college students tend to be both ambitious and apocalyptic, with the end of the world only prevented by a mysterious time loop, and a small handful of students who retain their memories.
Surviving the loops was hard enough, but now, in his senior year, Vell Harlan must take charge of them, and deal with the fact that the whole world now knows his secrets. Everyone knows about Vell’s death and resurrection, along with the divine game he is a part of. Now Vell must contend with overly curious scientists and evil billionaires hungry for divine power while the daily doomsday cycle bombards him with terrorists, talking elephants, and the Grim Reaper himself -but if he can endure it all, the Last Goddess’s game promises the ultimate prize: power over life itself.
[Previous Chapter][Patreon][Cover Art]
“Alright, it’s been twenty-seven minutes,” Kim said. “We need to check in on Vell.”
“Why is the limit for that twenty-seven minutes?”
“Because that’s how long it takes him to make his favorite french fries,” Kim explained. Alex glared at her.
“And why is that relevant?”
“It’s a long story,” Kim said. “Now shut up and let me call.”
Kim didn’t actually need to do anything to call Vell, since the phone mechanism was entirely in her head, but she put a hand on the side of her head anyway. Vell answered, which was a good sign in and of itself, but they weren’t out of the woods yet.
“Hey Kim,” Vell said. “I’m alive.”
“I assumed,” Kim said. “Is everything going alright?”
“Just fine, yeah,” Vell said. “I’m here with Raine, he’s great, he knows everything about frogs. Literally everything. All of the things.”
A fact that Raine continually demonstrated, whether he was asked to or not. Even while Vell was talking on the phone, Raine was still listing various frog factoids.
“So are things good? Bad? Do you need help?”
“I wouldn’t say things are good,” Vell said, as he listened to Raine list off the average dietary intake of an Appenine yellow-bellied toad. “But I think they’re under control. I’ll just stick things out solo for a while. No point wasting even more people’s time on this.”
“Sounds about right,” Kim said. “Give me a call if you decide you’re done throwing yourself on the sword, Vell.”
“You and I both know I’ll never be done,” Vell said. “Just let me handle this. I am, no offense, way better at putting up with this kind of stuff than any of you guys.”
“Vell, that ‘no offense’ should be aimed at you,” Kim said. “You’re the doormat here.”
“Gee, thanks,” Vell said. “Look, I can handle it. No sense wasting everyone else’s day.”
“Ugh, cut it out you self-sacrificial bitch. Look, I’ll come tag you out later in the day, alright? We can take turns.”
“If you say so,” Vell said. “But really, I got this.”
He hung up before Kim could argue any further. Raine had been waiting patiently for the duration of the call, and seemed to be fixated on Vell’s phone. Vell had entirely forgotten he was dealing with a ghost, one that had very likely never seen a modern cell phone. He held the phone in Raine’s direction, hoping with all his heart that it could serve as a conversation topic other than frogs.
“You seen a cell phone before, Raine?”
“Yes, I have, as a matter of fact,” Raine said. “Though last time I saw one they still folded in half.”
Raine poked at the phone with an immaterial finger, attempting to mimic the way Vell had used the touch screen. As expected, his finger passed right through.
“Sorry. Let me handle it,” Vell said. “Here, phones nowadays can do all kinds of things. There’s apps, games, you can browse the web.”
“You can access the internet through your phone?”
“Yeah, I can-”
Vell stopped in his tracks. Raine’s already wide eyes were getting wider.
“Yes, it can look up pictures of frogs,” Vell sighed, as he began to do so.
***
Kim pulled another book off the shelves and examined it. Even with a functionally perfect memory, she still found it difficult to keep track of what books Vell wanted to read. He was so damn good at rune bullshit that all his academic texts were titled things like “Applied Kinetic Physics on Automated Sigil Structuring: The Horatian Perspective”. Kim knew a fair bit about runes, but she was still working off basic texts like Runecrafting 301.
“I don’t know how Vell does this shit,” Kim said. “Being nice is hard.”
To make up for his having to babysit the frog ghost, and all the other trials and tribulations of his life, Kim had opted to do something nice for Vell. Something to help with his studies was the first and most practical step. Up next, she wanted to get him some snacks. She popped on the phone in her head and got in touch with Skye.
“Kim, what’s up?”
“Hey Skye. You know what Vell’s favorite snacks are? I’m trying to get him a gift.”
“Is this a ‘gift’ gift or an apology gift?”
“Is there a diff-”
Kim stopped in her tracks, and made eyes appear on her face screen just to narrow them.
“Skye, why did you need to get an apology gift?”
“I got him pinched by a mutant crab,” Skye mumbled.
“Oh, so that’s where that cut on his arm came from,” Kim said. Vell had refused to elaborate on the incident last year. “Anyway, it’s just a gift gift. Trying to do something nice for the poor guy.”
“He likes those little fudge and cream cheese bites they sell in the campus commissary,” Skye said. Kim made a mental note and started heading for the commissary. “Is there a special occasion I should be aware of?”
“Nah, Vell’s just doing his usual routine of throwing himself on the sword for our sake,” Kim said. “Distracting a frog ghost for hours on end.”
“Is that why he hasn’t been answering my texts lately?”
“If I had to guess, I’d say the ghost pressured him into using his phone for frog pics,” Kim said, correctly. “He’ll be a little busy. Trying to help ghosts move on to the afterlife is usually a long process.”
“So what, he’s just going to be at it all night?”
“Don’t worry, if he’s not done soon, I’ll swap him out in a couple hours,” Kim said. “You’ll get your boyfriend back, don’t worry.”
Kim said her goodbyes and returned to her shopping, leaving Skye to put her phone down and get back to the people she’d been talking to before. Cane and Hanifa had been patiently waiting for the entire call.
“So it looks like me and my boyfriend showing up is entirely dependent on whether or not he can convince a frog ghost to move on to the afterlife,” Skye said.
“Mm, yeah, he was asking about that kind of thing earlier,” Cane said. “Is he not done yet?”
“Apparently not,” Skye said. “And Kim thinks it might still be a while.”
“One of these days I’ll get to talk to Vell for more than a minute,” Hanifa said. She’d been dating Cane for nearly two years now and had barely spoken to one of his best friends.
“You can talk to him soon,” Cane said. “Come on. I’ll get Luke and the rest of the guys, Skye, you call Kim back and find out where Vell is.”
“Wait, are we getting involved?” Hanifa asked. “I thought Vell was the expert in saving the day.”
“He is,” Cane said. “But now and then somebody needs to save Vell.”
***
“Okay, you have now seen a picture of every species of frog in existence,” Vell said. He swapped his phone between hands to spare his aching thumb and displayed the last photo of a frog to Raine. “You feel ready to move on? Claim your eternal reward? Et cetera?”
“Just seeing them? Are you kidding,” Raine scoffed. Vell restrained a groan of frustration. “There’s so much more to study, so much to understand, not to mention those were only photos of the known species. Who knows how many undiscovered frog species are out there?”
“Okay, okay, okay,” Vell said. “That’s something, I could work with that. What if...I found a new species of frog, and named it after you? Would that satisfy you?”
Raine contemplated the prospect for a moment.
“Only one frog?”
“God,” Vell snapped. Even his patience was wearing thin. “What will it take to get you to stop?”
“Sometimes I could ask you the same question.”
Vell turned around just in time to catch the beer Cane shoved into his hands. He also got a pat on the back and a firm but gentle shove away from Raine as Cane stepped up to the ghost.
“So you’re the frog ghost I’ve heard some much about.”
“Hi, I’m Raine.”
“Oh, Raine, I’m Cane,” he said, with a friendly smile. “Our names rhyme. How about that?”
“Oh, they do,” Raine said. “Just like Callobatrachus and Ascaphus Montanus.”
Cane’s friendly smile froze in place.
“Really is all about frogs with you, huh?”
“What else is there?”
“A lot more,” Cane said. “As our friends will be happy to tell you.”
He gestured to the door, which Luke was busy walking through, followed shortly thereafter by Hanifa, Skye, Freddy, Samson, Kim, and many of Vell’s other friends. They brought chairs, food, drinks, and everything else one could need to sit and relax for a long time. Vell was briefly confused, and then delighted when Kim shoved a bag of fudge bites into his hands alongside the beer.
“Hi, great to see you guys, why is, uh, everyone here?”
As Luke stepped up to Raine and tried to display some physics trivia that immediately got derailed by questions about frog jumps, Cane walked up and put an arm around his friend’s shoulder.
“You want to help the frog guy, I want to hang out with my friends,” Cane said. “This way we just do both at once.”
“Makes sense. I guess,” Vell said. He popped open the beer and took a much needed-swig, enjoying the cold drink almost as much as the respite from frog trivia. “You sure you’re up for this?”
“Well, a basement is not the ideal hangout spot,” Cane said. The floor was uncomfortably damp. “But it’s all my best friends and one guy with endless frog facts. How bad can it be?”
***
The light in Cane’s eyes had completely gone out by the time he wandered back to Hanifa. She made room for him in the chair and beckoned him to sit, and he all but collapsed onto her shoulder.
“There’s too many frogs,” Cane whimpered.
“I know baby, I know,” Hanifa said. “You’re safe now, don’t think about them.”
The lively atmosphere of the group had been gradually sapped away by Raine’s endless fixation on frogs. They had taken it in shifts to deal with his obsession, as any one person could only endure it so long.
“Did you find out anything useful?”
After hours of swapping in an out, the gathered friends were seemingly no closer to their goal of finding out what tethered Raine to this mortal coil.
“No, I didn’t,” Cane snapped. “It’s just frogs. All frogs. If I had to guess, I’d say his grand purpose is frogs, and the problem with that is, as I have recently learned, there are always more frogs!”
“I think we might need to cut our losses on this one, Vell,” Kim said. “Raine doesn’t exactly seem like he’s tormented by his ties to our mortal coil.”
“You’ve got a point,” Vell admitted. As long as there were frogs, Raine would be happy. “We have to stick it out a little while longer, at least.”
“Why?”
Kim, Vell, and the other loopers knew they had to be on hand all day, to avoid any risk of Raine repeating the frog-summoning incident, but their guests were not privy to such knowledge.
“Uh, well, you see-”
The sound of a door being slammed open provided a welcome interruption to a sentence Vell wasn’t sure how to finish. His relief turned right back into apprehension when Alex stepped through the open door.
“Oh, hey Alex,” Vell mumbled. “Good to see you. Sorry for not inviting y-”
Kim elbowed him to shut Vell up. They had quite deliberately not invited Alex or Helena to the gathering.
“No need for apologies, I’m not interested in your parties,” Alex said. She looked to the side, at a bit of water dripping down a wall. “Especially not in a moldy basement. I just need to consult with Freddy on a project and I’ll be on my way.”
“Oh, well, he’s right over there, go ahead,” Vell said.
“Actually,” Cane interjected. He stood up, put an arm around Alex’s shoulder, and started walking her in a very non-Freddy direction. “Since you’re here, why don’t you pull your weight and talk to our new buddy Raine for a bit?”
“The amphibian obsessed undead? I thought you all were here to handle that.”
“Look, just talk to the guy for twenty minutes or something, give us a break,” Cane said. “We’ve all been doing this for hours.”
“On a purely voluntary basis. Don’t drag me into this.”
“Too late, I have literally already dragged you into it,” Cane said. He gave Alex one final shove to push her within talking distance of Raine. His wide eyes locked on her as Cane snatched his previous conversation partner away and left Alex and Raine alone in the designated frog-conversation corner.
“Hi. I’m Raine.”
“I’ve heard,” Alex grunted. “You like frogs.”
“Yes! I especially like the kind that-”
“Shut up,” Alex said. “If I turn you into a frog, will you leave me alone?”
“You can do that?”
“I’m a mage, of course I can-”
“Do it!”
Raine tried to lunge forward and grab Alex by the shoulders, but his immaterial hands passed right through her. He kept shouting at her anyway.
“Do it do it do it do it,” Raine screamed. “I want to be a frog!”
Alex rolled her eyes, snapped her fingers, and called upon the ambient mana in the basement, to put a little extra power into her spell.
While turning someone into a frog was fairly standard magic, Alex didn’t like frogs, so she rarely cast it. The spell also, importantly, was designed to transform flesh and blood humans, not ghosts, so some modifications would be necessary. She made the needed changes, and then cast the transformation spell on Raine.
The makeshift spell created a loud buzz like a generator being turned on, and all eyes in the room turned to the source of the noise. They got to watch as Raine’s ghostly form was swallowed up by blinding light, entirely consumed in a tide of magic that washed over him and through him. When the tide of light finally settled, Raine’s ghostly form was gone, replaced by a three inch long spectral frog.
“Oh, a European common frog,” Vell said. He’d learned enough about frogs in the past few hours to identify it on sight.
The frog Raine had become started ribbiting fervently, and hopped around the room on ghostly legs. Alex stepped back to avoid any contact with the ghost frog, despite knowing that it could not actually touch her. After exactly thirteen seconds of manic hopping and ribbiting, Frog Raine started to float in the air.
“Alex, is he supposed to be floating?”
“I’m not sure,” Alex admitted. “No one’s ever successfully transmogrified a ghost before.”
“Wait,” Vell said. “What happens when you unsuccessfully transmogrify a ghost?”
“Oh, their soul is obliterated,” Alex said.
“And you did it anyway?”
“He asked,” Alex said. Her disdain for frogs extended to those who studied them, so she had little concern for Raine’s existence.
A brilliant ray of light exploded from Raine’s ghostly body, followed by another, and another, as if he was hiding a sun somewhere inside him that was starting to break free. A final crack formed in the ghostly shell, and blinding light forced them all to look away. When the light finally faded, nothing was left of Raine but a few sparks of shimmering light. Cane took a worried step closer to the few sparkles.
“So, is that, you know, the soul obliteration, or…”
“No, we’re good, that’s the good outcome,” Vell said. He’d seen a few ghosts ascend in his time. “It appears Raine’s big regret in life is that he wasn’t a frog.”
“Hmm, yeah, that tracks,” Cane said. “We should’ve tried that hours ago.”
“With maybe a few precautions taken,” Vell said, glaring at Alex. “To avoid soul obliteration.”
“He was already dead,” Alex said.
“He was only mostly dead,” Cane protested. Alex shrugged and headed for Freddy to ask for his input on mana oscillation while Cane stuck a hand through the sparkles. “See you on the other side, Raine. Hope they have frogs in heaven.”
“At least one, now,” Hanifa added. “Can we leave this basement now?”
“Yeah let’s get the fuck out of here,” Cane said. “And let’s also never talk about frogs again.”
“Good idea on both counts.”
Cane led the charge back into the light, and the makeshift party followed, though it just as quickly dissolved once everyone got back to the surface. Several hours trapped in a basement listening to frog trivia had a way of sucking the camaraderie out of people. Vell said goodbye to his friends as they went their separate ways, until it was just him and Cane.
“Thanks again for showing up, Cane,” Vell said.
“Don’t thank me too much. Full disclosure: if there weren’t like twenty other people to split frog duty with, I probably would’ve bailed,” Cane said. “Also, I would’ve looked like a real asshole in front of Hanifa.”
“Oh. Well, uh, thanks for sticking it out,” Vell said.
“No problem. Somebody’s got to watch your back while you’re watching everyone else’s,” Cane said.
“Uh, sure.”
“I’m serious, Vell. I love you, but you got to start putting yourself first sometimes,” Cane said. “You’re about to graduate, then go run a company, and you just about wasted your whole day listening to some dude explain the differences between frogs and toads.”
“One spends more time in the wa-”
“Stop! Never again,” Cane commanded. He’d had enough frog facts for ten lifetimes. “Vell, you’ve spent the past three years helping everyone with everything. Try to help yourself with something now and then.”
“I- I guess,” Vell said. “I’ll try.”
“Motherfucker I have watched Star Wars with you, you know the saying,” Cane said. “There is no try. Go do something to help Vell, Vell.”
“Huh. I guess there was something with Professor Nguyen-”
“I don’t give a shit! This ain’t about me,” Cane said. “It’s about you, and only you! Go do your thing.”
“Okay, I will,” Vell said. “Thanks, I-”
“Again, not about me,” Cane said. “Just go!”
Vell was inspired and confused in equal measure, and headed out for Professor Nguyen’s office. The interview ended up being profoundly boring and not particularly useful, but it was better than sitting in a basement talking about frogs. Slightly.

I applied for a job in January of this year. Went through four rounds of interviews followed by a call from the hiring manager's manager who I had interviewed with. The call was very informal, she called from her cell phone while driving and told me she heard my final interview went great and wanted to know if I was still interested, she would get some things together and follow up with me.
It was January 30th. I did my usual follow up emails and reached out to multiple people in the company to see if there was any feedback multiple times. That was the last I heard from them...until this week.
On Monday (5/13), I received a phone call from the recruiter I first met with. She said they felt like I was lacking in some areas initially, but they changed the job description and think I would be a good fit. She wanted me to meet with them the next day.
I went through with the meeting. It turns out they hired someone else who sucks - they never explained why they didn't ever follow up with me. They also proceeded to interview me for over an hour about some things we had already discussed prior.
Following that, they said the next steps were to meet with them in their office. At this point, I'm still very hesitant. I got an email from the recruiter who said the feedback was positive and they would like me to meet with 2 people separately on Monday and come in to their office on Wednesday for about 2 hours.
I replied back with my availability and asked for the salary range for the job before confirming. I just checked my email and I received two calendar invites for the Monday interviews...but no salary range. Wtf?
Some background -

• This is a mid-level revenue operations type role
• The recruiter and job posting advertised the position as fully remote. During interviews 2 and 3, I was told I'd need to come into the office every Wednesday. The office is 1 hour away from me. Also the person they hired in February lives in across the country (thanks LinkedIn), I doubt they make him go to the office once a week.
• I gave my salary requirements in the first interview, before I knew this was a hybrid role. It was also 4 months ago, and my situation has changed (slight salary increase in current role/don't hate it as much)
• I'm in California, they should have the salary in the description.

At this point, I've taken a lot of time away from my regular full-time job for this interview process. I gave my salary requirements in January, but my situation has now changed and I'd like to know what range they are thinking of before I dedicate any more time to preparing for interviews (6, 7, 8 and 9) with them. What would you do?

I would really love some advice with how to approach my new MIL and SIL with how I was treated during my entire engagement.
This has been going on since 2021 whenever my now husband proposed to me all the way to us getting married in early April 2024. I will do my best to shorten everything and bullet point the important parts.

• Now husband, has proposed to me in October 2021. Sister-in-law before proposal was all in it, treating me like a sister and friend and even took photos of the proposal. -Have asked many times for photos but she has not given any.
  
• After proposal while hanging out with sister-in-law; I started noticing little changes in her attitude towards me. She kept telling me that as my MOH she already knows what to do because she’s been involved in so many weddings. After the seventh time of her, mentioning this I had to sit down with her to let her know she was only going to be a BM and my sister was going to be my MOH. She walked away from me. I didn’t understand where some of this was coming from because I never once hinted or told her she would be my MOH. From that point on there were small things like trying to one up me or out stage me on something.
  
• Example #1: I got a raise at my job and she knew now how much I was making. She asked if we were hiring. I said yes; the start out for everyone is X amount. She responded with maybe for you; I have a degree and should be making the same amount if not more than you. I let her know that yes while she does have a degree and while I do not have a degree; I was hitting my 11th year of experience and that everybody who I knew who started this position started off at X amount.
  
• Example #2: I was talking to MIL and SIL about the weather. I made a comment that I hope it stays under 75 degrees a little while longer because I was not ready for Texas summer weather. She replies with “Sorry, it is now 76 degrees” and smirks
  
• Example #3: She started dating someone in the military. Her son him and her were all gonna go to this military flea market. She was so excited because she had never been before or even heard of it. (It’s a place where you can get designer and everyday stuff for a hefty discount.) since my family is military I thought I would help her out by giving her advice I thought she would need. I told her “They have a strict radio, cell phone, iPad, touchscreen policy. Make sure when you go that no one is on their cell phone or iPad because you will get a ticket for it. It doesn’t matter if you’re the passenger or if you’re in the backseat, no one in the car is allowed to be on any electronic device until you exit.” She scoffed and rolled her eyes at me and told me “she knows what the rules are!” Responded with “I’m sorry I was trying to help you since you had never been before.” she rolled her eyes again and walked away from me.
  

*I wanted a black dress for the wedding, SIL argued that it was so omen. When she saw I was not budging said she wanted a black dress for her wedding - she is not engaged
*we are having the wedding at our house. SIL argued it was trashy and we should do a venue. Our home and land is way big enough to support 50 people.

• At my bridal proposal party - I got everyone a box of gifts, each one of them,hand-picked by me and worth a significant amount. Everyone got the exact same me thing. While everyone else was going through, looking at everything smiling about it, she was just sitting there to her herself, not saying a word to anyone else. - some of my friends and family thought she was really rude because of this. The one thing she did smile about was the expensive necklace earring bracelet matching set that I got everyone. It was $200 and she knew it. This was the most expensive item in the box.
• I hosted three more parties to try to ease the friction so that everyone would get to know each other since some people had it met before. She was talking to my sister the entire time and not talking to anyone else. She felt that because my sister was having a boy that she would be the only one she has something in common with. -this was not true because some of my other friends have boys, and some of my other friends share the same hobbies as her however she did not take an interest in getting to talk to them. Just my sister. - Later on I had to have a sit down with MIL about this because of her attitude everyone thought she was really rude and didn’t understand what they had done for her to be acting that way towards them. MIL stated that I don’t know what it’s like to be a single mom and that SIL said from day one everyone was against her.
  
• This continued on at the next party. This time MIL met with me at a restaurant to talk to me about things at the party that happened. She said SIL came home in tears because all the girls were rude to her. -I explain to her that none of the 5 girls were and SIL was once again and her phone the whole time not socializing. I also explained to her that SIL was 30 minutes to an hour late to all the parties and would leave about 30 minutes later. All of my friends and family were trying their best to welcome her with open arms and talk to her and get to know her and socialize with her. MIL said I must have done something to have her daughter otherwise she wouldn’t be acting that way and come home crying. She said my friends and family were bullying her. - she started screaming at me that we were against her daughter in the middle of Olive Garden and demanded to know why. I left crying.
  
• I sat down with MIL and SIL about the small parties and why I had put it together. SIL stated from day one it seemed like I was out to get her and that everyone and my friend group was against her. I told her that was not true, and I had never talked bad or about her to any of them. Some of them asked me about her and I only said positive things like she is a chef and loves to cook, she is crafty, she has a son, etc. she told me that it seemed like everyone had some sort of vendetta against her since she arrived the first day. I told her it wasn’t true that people were trying to talk to her and have a conversation with her, but she was only in her phone, not socializing. And she explained she was in her phone because people were being rude to her which was not true. - knowing it was a bunch of BS I just told her I would talk to them about it. -she said one girl opened the door to her house and said “oh, it’s you!” in a condescending voice and rolled her eyes which was not true.
  
• Fast-forward to the week of my wedding:
  
• Monday- SIL text me about hair and make up and when she should be there. Prior to this time the wedding was brought up said she wanted to do her own hair and her make up so I did not schedule her appointments because she wanted to do it herself. I told her I did not schedule her an appointment because of this. She replied with she changed her mind and wants an appointment for hair and make up and that she did tell me this during Christmas.(she did not-wedding talk was not allowed). I explained that she did not talk to me about anything wedding related during Christmas because it was a holiday and we just wanted to relax with the family. She said, regardless, I should’ve scheduled her a hair and make up appointment because she’s an adult and is allowed to change her mind when she wants to and now she wants to get her hair and make up done by a professional.” -I made the appointments for her.
  
• Wednesday- she messaged me asking if “the dog was going to walk with her son down the aisle since they were both ring bears?” I told her that “it was never discussed that the dog would be because our dog is almost 70 pounds and it’s still a puppy and i would NEVER let a three year old to be walking alone with the dog since they are so unpredictable.” She replied with “well that’s not what you said last time.” - What I said: boy dog #1 would walk with husband, boy dog #2 would walk with the best man, girl dog would walk with my MOH. - I told her “that was never the plan because I would not expect her toddler son to handle a 70 pound dog.” MIL chimes in: “I also remember you saying that the dog would be walking with her son. She just wanted to make sure that her son was going to be taken care of and nothing bad was going to happen to him.” I get offended by this. Because there is no way I would ever rip my nephew in danger like that.
  
• Friday - she cancels the hair and make up appointment. I set for her on Monday.
  
• Day of the wedding: SIL is four hours late. She stays for the ceremony leaves within the hour.
  
• MIL: since Christmas to today: every time I see her tells me how stressed out I look. How exhausted I must be planning the wedding. -I am not stressed out at all. Since we’ve had almost 3 years to plan this, I have already gotten alot of it within the first year of planning, help from friends and family with small little things that I needed done. Basically had all the decor, dance floor, yard games, signs, etc finished a year before I needed it. The dress was done with wiggle room in case I gained some weight but not too big to wear it swallows me. Both photographers booked, caterer booked, cake, and cupcakes booked; we are basically done with everything so there was no need for me to be stressed. - it’s important she was making comments about me being stressed. Coworkers not said anything about being stressed but they’ve said the opposite about how calm I am for someone who’s about to get married. I tell this to MIL. The day of the wedding- MIL comments about how crappy the drive was to our house. She went around asking a couple people if I was freaking out from all the stress of the day - my friends and family the amazing people they are told her “I’m not stressed out.” MIL took a photo of me and posted it to Facebook saying “Countdown to Mrs. New last name!!! She’s way too calm.” -I found this to be very passive aggressive. She would also comment on my body. Every time she saw me, I was looking a little bit skinnier. This really triggered me as I grew up with a Mom who always fat shamed me or commented positively and negatively about my body every chance she got.
  

My main reason for airing my family drama and issues is because I feel like something else is going on and SIL and MIL aren’t being truthful about it. I feel like MIL is clearly taking her daughter side because it’s her daughter. I get it however I feel like I don’t deserve to be treated this way when I did nothing wrong. The lying, passive aggressive, and gaslighting me about conversations that “have” happened is very concerning for the future relationship that I have with them.
I want to sit down and talk to them about it, but I’m not quite sure how to start the conversation and I’m afraid that I will get gaslit during the conversation. I felt like my entire engagement experience was ruined by them. I do not have a happy memory with them about it just with my sister, friends and family.
Before anyone says anything, husband is aware of the situation and is leaving the ball in my court for when I’m ready to talk about it. 100% supports me as he has seen all the text messages, the passive comments, etc and is not okay with it. He fully supports me and whatever decision I have and doesn’t want to overstep.

Getting good dating app pictures is a hot topic within my Discord server, so I took to the time to cook up a video on how I took solid shots of myself for dating apps with actual demonstrations. I'll cover those points in those post as well. For context, I recognized the need to get better pictures of myself when I started using dating apps back in 2017, and I didn’t want to pester my friends to help because they sucked at it. So I got myself into self-photography using a DSLR camera (Canon 60D), a tripod, and a self-timer remote for years while practicing shots, and have since then been able to use what I learned to help other guys get appealing pictures of themselves to get more matches. But if you’re driven and dedicated enough, you can get some solid shots on your own.
Here's a few self portraits that did well over the years
[Gear That I Use]
So let’s get into gear real quick. For the camera, I've just been using my phone (iPhone 12 Pro Max) now. Why not the DSLR? Well, modern smartphones now have great cameras and functionality that allows you to take high quality photos without lugging around a big old camera. Most phones past the mid 2010s use cameras with 12 megapixels and higher which gives you plenty of detail, and the camera apps have plenty of default options including auto focus, self-timer, lighting adjustment, and portrait mode. Also, most dating apps are designed to use photos straight from your phone.
I also demonstrate using my content camera (Sony ZV-1). The main benefit is having a flip screen that I can use to actively calibrate my position and posing. This feature was also present when I was using my DSLR camera.
My standard camera tripod is a 55 inch aluminum travel tripod that I got off Amazon. The key features that led me to get it include the collapsible design, extendable center pole, and ball head. The ball head is really key as I get 360 degrees of angle compared to other tripods that only allow up and down lever positioning. This is the tripod I use to hold my camera for my YouTube videos, but I can also use it to hold my phone by adding a tripod phone mount.
My other tripod is a collapsible selfie stick tripod which features a supportive tripod base with nonslip ends. A lot of other selfie stick tripods that I tried were too flimsy and could be knocked over easily with light pushes or wind, but this one holds up. It also includes a bluetooth remote control, but it's unreliable so I purchased a separate one that had an on-off switch.
[Setting Up and Taking the Shots]
So now, let’s get into setting up the shot. I will exemplify a standard 3/4 body shot and sitting prop shot. With every single picture that I take, I take the time to conceptualize an idea and what that shot looks like. So I need to ask myself the following questions:

• Where and when am I taking the shot?
• Where is the subject (me in the examples) going to be in this shot?
• How much of the setting do I want to capture?
• What are my angles for the camera and subject?
• How’s the lighting?
• What is the subject going to be doing?

As for the actual setup, first, we'll need to figure out the positioning of the subject.
There are two methods of capturing shots that I will exemplify. The first is using the self-timer with a remote and the second is recording a video and taking screenshots.
Since I'm using the rear facing camera on my phone, I won’t have feedback on the shots until after I take them. I use the self-timer on my iPhone camera app to start capturing shots. If you don’t have a remote, I would set it to 10 seconds and then run back and forth. Otherwise, you can set it to 3 and click away. Take a good number of practice shots and then review both positioning and lighting. For positional adjustments, we can move either the camera or the subject closer or further as well as raising or lowering the angle.
Proper positioning is vital for portrait mode shots, which automatically detects a subject in the center of the frame and defocuses the area around it. If I am not properly positioned, the camera won't pick me up properly as the subject and parts of my body like my face can be taken out of focus.
Using a camera with a flip screen expedites this part of the process as I can set the camera up and actively calibrate positioning. This is the key difference between using a flip screen camera and rear facing camera on a phone. While you can use the front facing camera used for selfies to do this too, most front facing cameras are inferior to the rear ones and you will lose image quality as a result.
Once I know where to stand, then we'll work on posing.
We'll now practice different placements, angles, and expressions for our body and face. This will depend on the type of shot we're doing. For the 3/4 body shot, I will be standing upright and testing shots for each side of my body and face, where I'm looking (at the camera or away in either direction), what my hands are doing, and different facial expressions (light smirk, big smile, neutral face). For the sitting shot, I'm noting what I'm doing with my arms and where I'm placing the glass in the shot (in my fingers or palm, on the table).
3/4 body shot test shots
Sitting + prop test shots
As I'm posing, I am actively reminding myself to hold my poses as I take the shots so I don't cause blurring from action. Gradually, I should notice which posing and facial expression aspects are more appealing when I review the shots.
After the posing flow is established, take the time to crank out a bunch of pictures.
I'm talking 50-100+ photos per concept. You're going to take a lot of bad pictures for the sake of practice before you find a great one. Depending on how serious I am, I'll spend anywhere from 5 to 30 minutes cranking out shots and reviewing them for a single concept.
Once I finish taking all of my shots, I will review them and favorite the most appealing ones, and then do a second round to finalize my picks.
Final 4 Example Pics
[Editing and Post Processing]
Because these photos are digital assets, we can enhance them quite a bit with software and apps. The key is to get them as photorealistic as possible without being a complete catfish. I have a two part process in touching up my photos.
First, I use an app called BeautyCam (free) to clear up my skin a good amount. I don't have perfectly clear skin but it gets pretty close to it on my best days. I can touch up my looks to that point in my photos. I don't have a paid subscription so I'm going to just stick to free features. Here, I go to Beautify -> Smooth. I stick to the default Intensity of 80 to keep it from being perfect.
Next, I use SnapSeed (free) to do the rest of my edits. I like this app because it includes all of the tools that I normally use in Photoshop. I'm wearing a pimple patch on my nose in the example pictures, so I'll want to use the Healing tool to blend it in with my skin.
I then go through the Details and Tune Image tools to add some detail and adjust color and lighting. Remember not to go overboard as we want the photos to look candid and not overly edited. This is why I highly advise against using filters or any of the editing presets on the apps. Each photo needs different adjustments to bring the most out of them.
Once all the edits are done, I will save a copy to use. For best practices, I also crop a square version of the pictures. When it comes to cropping, we always want to only remove excess space and not zoom in as that will lower the resolution and thus the detail of the photo.
Edit Comparison (Sitting Pose)
[Final Notes]
Getting into self-photography has been very rewarding for me as it has allowed me to test out poses, outfit selections, and settings. Most importantly, it has made me build a high level of comfort being in front of a camera as well as being extra in public. You need to have a high level of shamelessness to put yourself out there and do the proper workflow to get a good picture when traffic is involved.
Doing pictures on your own can be cost effective but it comes with a lot of hassle. It's basically impossible to calibrate your shots quickly and I know that if I had someone else doing it for me, I can save a lot of time and energy while getting a much higher quality shot. That's why I only ever used anywhere from 1-3 self taken shots on my dating app profiles and filled the rest with candid shots. But I was able to take what I've learned doing it myself to provide other guys with baller pictures to get more matches on the apps and I'm open to doing more for anyone that's interested.
Then again, this post is mainly dedicated for guys that have spare time and are driven and dedicated enough to give this a shot, especially the younger ones. That was how I was in my early to mid 20s and I was able to learn and get some good results for myself. Feel free to reach out if you have any questions or interest in anything that I discussed.

”Stop.”
I really needed the bathroom.
For fifty painstaking minutes, I had been staring at the clock on the wall, willing it to go faster, uncomfortably shifting side to side in my seat so much that I was starting to get weird looks.
2:52pm.
Eight minutes, I thought dizzily, squeezing my legs together.
Which was just two chunks of four minutes.
Four chunks of two minutes.
The pain started like normal stomach pain, the kind I could deal with.
I swallowed two Tylenol with lukewarm soda.
But this was different.
This kind of pain was contorting and twisting my gut so much, I had to keep leaning onto my left buttock for relief.
I must have done it so many times, I caught the attention of the guy sitting next to me. Roman Hemlock who was half asleep, dark blonde curls hanging in half lidded eyes, his chin leaning on his fist. He shot me a look. I couldn't tell if it was Are you okay? or Can you stop moving around so much?
From the single crease in his brow, the slight curl in his lip, I guessed the latter.
It's not like Roman was helping.
For half the class, he'd been tapping his foot on the floor, then his chair leg, and to complete the orchestra, his fingers joined in, tap, tap, tapping on the edge of his desk. I didn't know if it was a bored thing, an ADHD thing, or he was trying to keep himself awake. It was easy to tolerate without the pain, but with it, the boy’s incessant tapping was more akin to a dentist drill splitting my skull open. I already felt nauseous, the sad looking chicken nuggets I forced down at lunch making an unwelcome appearance at the back of my throat.
It was too fucking hot, the stuffy summer air glueing my hair to the back of my neck. The material of my shirt was making me cringe, sticky against my skin.
Tipping my head back, the lights were too bright. Every sound was too loud. Imogen Prairie, who was sitting behind me chewing her gum a little too loudly.
Kaz Samuels scribbling notes like a maniac.
I could hear every stroke of his pencil, every time he paused, looked up at the presentation, and continued writing.
When I leaned forward in my chair, I could smell exactly what Isabella Trinity had eaten for lunch, the stink hanging in the air.
It became a case of sucking in my stomach and taking slow, deep breaths.
I’d never had these kinds of stomach cramps before. But it didn't take me long to figure out what they were.
I was yet to start my period at the grand age of sixteen, which meant this was it.
After countless sessions with the doctor, and feeling like a social outcast among my group of friends who started their periods in middle school, it had finally happened. The cramps in my gut that felt like my torso was being ripped apart, was in fact me entering womanhood. When my breath started to quicken, my mouth watering, I raised my hand, biting my lip against a cry.
Fuck.
Something lurched in my gut, a wave of nausea crashing into me.
I was going to throw up.
“Mr Brighton.”
Roman spoke up before me, waving his arm. “Can I use the bathroom?”
The teacher’s answer was always the same. Which was why I had been crossing my legs for the entirety of the class, unable to focus on anything but my gut trying to twist itself inside out.
Mr Brighton leaned against the wall, his eyes glued to the PowerPoint awash in our faces. We had been staring at the exact same slide for maybe five minutes now, and our physics teacher was yet to speak, his gaze somewhere else.
Mr Brighton was my Dad’s age, a greying man in his early fifties who always wore the exact same suit with the exact same stain on his collar.
The man was about as interesting as watching paint dry.
Normally, I would drift off myself, lulled into slumber by the low drone of his voice.
But the pain ripping me apart was keeping me awake.
“Mr Brighton.” Roman said, louder. His voice snapped me out of it. “Can I use the bathroom?” He paused, exaggerating a loud sigh. ”Please?”
The teacher straightened up, folding his arms.
“Mr Hemlock, you know the rules. Why didn't you go before class?”
“I didn't need to go an hour ago, did I?”
“You will no longer need to go to the bathroom, Mr Hemlock.”
Roman made a snorting noise.
“What?”
The low murmur of my classmates collapsed into white noise.
Glancing at the clock, I was anticipating the school bell.
The sickness swimming in the pit of my belly was reaching dangerous territory.
2:52pm.
Something ice cold trickled down my spine.
It was 2:52 the last time I checked, and five minutes had surely passed.
This time, I waited a whole minute and counted the seconds under my breath. The clock still didn't move. The ticker was frozen halfway between three and four.
Slowly, the same realisation began to hit the twelve of us. The clock on the wall had stopped. But it wasn't the only thing that had stopped. The cool breeze drifting through the window was gone.
The sound of birds outside, and the cheer squad practising their routine.
Everything had stopped. Trying to ignore a sickly slither of panic twisting its way through me, I checked my phone under my desk. There was a text from my Mom lighting up my notifications. When I tried to swipe it open, nothing happened. My lock screen was frozen, stuck at 2:52pm.
With my hands growing clammy around my phone, I stared at the time, willing it to move, to flick to 2:53.
But nothing happened, the numbers stubbornly staying at 2:52.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Roman’s voice brought me back to reality, though I was sure I'd dropped my phone. I heard it hit the floor with a sickening crack. Whatever he was saying, though, faded into dull murmur, when I turned toward the window.
Something was wrong outside.
The cheer squad were nowhere to be seen.
Being on the top floor gave us a front row seat to their practice sessions.
I stopped watching when their flyer did a death defying flip, almost breaking her neck. 2:52pm. I couldn't see the cheer squad. But I did see Jessie Carson mid-sprint across the track field, strawberry blonde curls suspended in a halo around her.
I could see exactly where she had frozen in place, her left foot hovering off of the ground, her right foot driving momentum. It wasn't just Jessie who had stopped. The dirt she was kicking into a cloud behind her was hovering, caught in mid-air.
Studying the faces around me, my mouth went dry.
Roman Hemlock, mid-argument with our physics teacher.
His eyes were wide, lips curved into what would have been a yell.
Fuck.
Was I the only one?
But then Roman blinked, and I realized the boy wasn't frozen. He was trying to think of a comeback. “What do you mean I won't need the bathroom anymore?”
“Mr Hemlock, please lower your voice.”
“Why? You can't dictate to me when I do and don't need the bathroom, dude!”
Moving onto the rest of my class, the others were still moving.
It was too quiet, though.
Yes, Roman was still tapping his foot.
Imogen was still chewing her gum.
Kaz was still scribbling notes like a psychopath.
But they were the only noise I could hear.
I wasn't the only one confused. The classroom had pricked with a sense of urgency. Kids were checking their phones, their gazes glued to the clock. Even Roman, who was still arguing, was starting to notice. I watched his gaze lazily roll to the clock on the wall.
I pretended not to see his cheeks visibly paling.
We had all come to the exact same terrifying conclusion.
2:52pm.
Time had come to a halt, and somehow, we had not.
“Is that clock broken?” Roman interrupted, leaning forward in his chair.
Kaz twisted around, settling the boy with an eye-roll.
“Check your phone, dumbass.”
“I broke my phone.”
Imogen threw her iPhone at him, narrowly missing hitting him in the face.
“Everything is frozen,” She said, her voice shuddering. “It's not just the clock.”
I waited for Roman’s response. For once, though, he was speechless.
“Well done, Imogen. That is correct.” Mr Brighton spoke up, tearing a piece of paper from a workbook and striding over to the door, glueing it over the glass window. When we started to protest, some of us were shouting, while others bursting into tears, he calmly took out his key and locked us in.
I should have been surprised that our teacher had spontaneously decided to take his entire class hostage, but the rumor mill had been churning.
According to Becca Jason, the guy’s wife divorced him and took his kids.
I could feel myself sinking into my chair, phantom bugs filling my mouth.
So, this guy had nothing to lose.
Taking his place in front of his desk, the man settled us with a patient smile.
“From now on, you will stay inside this room.” He said. “In case you haven't noticed, time is currently frozen at fifty two minutes past two. The thirteen of us are tucked into the twenty first second, and will be, for the foreseeable future.”
I could tell the others wanted to argue, but we couldn't deny that time had stopped. Kaz was staring down at his frozen phone, Imogen hyperventilating behind me, Roman glaring at the clock, chewing on a pencil. We wanted it to be a prank, a joke, some kind of glitch in the matrix that would fix itself.
But then a whole minute passed by. Followed by another. Kaz threw his phone on the floor, hissing in frustration. Imogen let out a wet sounding sob.
Roman’s pencil split in his mouth, slipping from his fingers. We couldn't pretend it wasn't happening or call our teacher out on his BS, because it was everywhere around us. The sudden absence of outdoor ambience, birdsong, planes flying overhead, and traffic outside the school gates. Everyone and everything had stopped, and we were the only ones left.
This was a nightmare, surely.
My physics class were some of the most boring and pretentious people in the school, and somehow the world had been reduced to the twelve of us inside our classroom. We were scared, of course we were. But reality had stopped making sense, crashing and burning in a single second. We had no choice but to listen to our teacher. “Now, before you freak out, it may not feel like it, but the twelve of you have also stopped.”
Mr Brighton held out his own hand, and placed it on his heart.
He was right.
I was so busy trying to understand what was happening, I had failed to realize my period cramps were gone.
“Do me a favor, and press your hand over your heart.”
“You mean like, in a culty way?” Imogen whispered.
“Obviously.” Roman grumbled, halfway out of his seat. He was hesitant, though, in case our teacher was armed. It only took one glance from our teacher, and he slumped back into his chair. “This crazy fucker clearly wants to play mind games with us.”
“No, I'm just asking you to feel for your heart.”
I felt for mine, and there was nothing, my stomach twisting.
Roman stabbed his fingers into his neck, feeling for a pulse.
He tried his wrist.
Then his heart.
Nothing.
“The twelve of you are currently in a state of stasis,” the teacher explained to us, “You are not alive, nor are you dead. Your bodily functions are also on pause, such as your heartbeat and your pulse. In this state there will be no need for food and water, or going to the bathroom.” His gaze found a ghastly looking Roman, who looked like he was going to faint. “Your minds, however, as you can see, are working as usual.”
“But why?” Imogen demanded in a shriek.
Mr Brighton’s lip curled. “I would rather not answer that question.”
“Because you're lonely.” Roman spoke up. He swung back on his chair, narrowed eyes glued to the teacher.
“Your wife and kids left you, so you're asserting power over a group of sixteen year olds. Which is kinda fucking pathetic.”
Mr Brighton’s expression darkened, and something slimy crept up my throat.
The worst thing any of us could do was threaten him. He had taken kidnapping to a whole new level, and we were alone with this psychopath, trapped inside a second. I waited for the man to stride forward and attack the kid. But he didn't. Instead, the teacher leaned back on his desk. “Yes.” The man nodded.
“I suppose you could say I am.”
“But why us?!” Kaz hissed.
“Because you are children.” Mr Brighton responded casually.
He straightened up, taking slow, intimidating steps towards Roman’s desk. The rest of us leaned back. I tried to pull my desk with me, but it was glued to the floor. Frozen. Mr Brighton’s shoes went click-clack across the hardwood floor.
“You are right,” the man said in a murmur, “I am lonely. My wife and kids did leave me, and I have nobody left to control. I have nobody else to contort and use to my advantage.” Reaching Roman’s desk, he leaned in close until he was nose to nose with the kid.
“Congratulations, Mr Hemlock. You have just earned yourself detention.”
Roman stayed stubbornly still, but he was visibly afraid. I could see him very slowly backing away. Roman was all bark and no bite. He was a loud mouth, sure, but he was also the least confrontational person in the class.
“What?” He spluttered. “You trap us in a time loop or time trap, or whatever, and you still want to act like a teacher?”
“Stand up.” The teacher ordered.
“What if I don't?”
Mr Brighton’s expression didn't waver. “You said it yourself. I can and have trapped you inside a single second. What else do you think I'm capable of?”
Roman stood, kicking his chair out of the way.
“What are you planning on doing to me, old man?”
The teacher maintained his smile. “Stand up straight, and close your mouth.”
To my confusion, Roman Hemlock did all the above.
He straightened up, and closed his mouth.
“Do not fight me.” The teacher said calmly, “Do as you are told, and follow me.”
The boy did exactly as instructed.
His jaw slackened, that rebellious light in his eyes fizzling out.
I think that's when we all collectively agreed that going against this teacher and trying to escape was mental suicide.
“I will use Mr Hemlock as an example to all of you,” Mr Brighton said, turning to the rest of us. “If you break the rules or are derogatory in any way, you will be given detention.”
He grabbed the boy’s shoulders, forcing him to walk towards the supply closet. Roman moved like a robot, slightly off balance, his gaze glued to thin air, like he was tracking invisible butterflies.
"Your time in detention will depend on the severity of your rule-break.” He opened the door, gently pushing Roman inside, and following suit. When the door closed behind them, there was a pause, and I remembered how to breathe.
Kaz Samuels slowly got up from his desk, inching towards the closet.
“This guy is a certified nut.” He announced.
He turned towards us. “Whatever he's doing to Hemlock, we’re probably next.”
“He stopped time.” I spoke up, my own voice barely a croak. “He’s capable of anything.”
“But how did he stop time?” Kaz whistled, tipping his head back. The boy was slow, his fingers grasping each desk as he slid down the aisle. “He said he was lonely, right? But why take it out on us? What did we do to him?”
“Check his desk for a weapon!” Imogen whisper-shrieked.
Kaz nodded, striding over to the man's desk, his hands moving frantically, shoving paper on the floor. He took an uncertain seat on the man's chair. “There's nothing here,” he murmured, lifting stained coffee mugs and ancient textbooks. “It's just…test papers.” Kaz ducked from view, trying the drawers.
“He's a fan of Pokémon,” he said, “There's a tonne of Pokémon cards,” Kaz straightened up, running a hand through his hair. “No sign of a weapon, though.”
He picked up a ruler, waving it around. “This could work. If we plunge it in his eye.”
“Try his laptop!” Imogen was halfway out of her seat.
Kaz did, slamming the keys. “It's locked.”
“Look harder!” Ren Clarke threw a pencil at him.
“I am!”
After a minute of searching, Kaz grabbed a single piece of paper.
He held it up, and I squinted.
It was a list of our names, with several of them highlighted.
“Fuck.” Kaz dropped the list, his expression crumpling. The stubborn bravado facade transforming him into our sort of leader dissipated, hollowing him out into exactly what he was. Just a scared kid. Kaz’s hands were shaking.
“Mr Brighton’s got a hit list.” He whispered. “He's going to kill us.”
“How do you know that?” I found myself asking.
Kaz slowly dropped into a crouch, picking up the paper and holding it up.
“Look.” He pointed to a capitalised name at the top of the list highlighted in red.
ROMAN HEMLOCK.
There were six names highlighted in red, including mine.
CRISTA ADAMS.
As if on cue, Roman’s cry rang out from the supply closet, suddenly, freezing us all in place. Kaz jumped up, adapting the expression of a deer caught in headlights, eyes wide, almost unseeing.
He fell over himself to tidy up the desk, putting everything back where he had found it, sliding the list between a pile of test papers. Kaz took slow, stumbled steps back, his feverish gaze glued to the closet, before turning and making a break for it and diving into his seat.
“Brighton’s got a hit liiiist,” Kaz said, in a mocking sing-song, “And we’re all on it.”
What followed was deathly silence. I think we were expecting Roman to cry out again. But when he didn't, the class started to stir. Some kids started praying to a god they didn't believe in, while others were in varying states of denial, trying to call their parents with dead phones.
I wasn't sure what parts of me had stopped, but I was still alive, still felt like my lungs were deprived of oxygen, my chest aching. I'm not sure how long I sat there, trying to find my voice, a shriek trying and failing to rip through my mouth. Being kidnapped and held hostage is one thing, but being imprisoned inside a single, never ending second, was an existential hell worse than death. Slowly, I pressed my palm over my heart once again. Then I breathed into my cupped hands.
I was expecting it, but no longer being able to feel my own heartbeat and breath, was fear I didn't think was possible. The kind that glued me to my seat, hollowing me out completely until I was nothing, an empty shell with no heartbeat, no breath, no thoughts, except denial, followed by acceptance.
And finally, regret.
I regretted not hugging my mother goodbye before I left for school.
I regretted acting like a spoiled brat when my parents refused to drive me halfway across the country so I could attend Coachella.
I regretted stepping inside Mr Brighton’s fourth period physics class.
Mr Brighton reappeared, slamming the door behind him and locking the boy inside. Part of me flinched, while the rest of me remembered not to move a muscle. I was barely aware of time passing. Or it wasn't. Time had stopped, so now long had I been sitting there?
I could no longer measure the passage of time with hunger or thirst, and my body felt the same. I wasn't stiff or tired or achy. Looking out of the window, the sky was the exact same crystal blue, every cloud in the exact same place.
Jessie Carson was still frozen mid-run, strands of dark red hair caught around her.
“What's wrong with you guys?” Mr Brighton chuckled, and I twisted back to the front, a shiver writhing down my spine. “Why don't you give me a smile?”
The teacher returned to his desk, and I was already subconsciously sitting up straight in my seat, forcing my lips into a jaw-breaking grin, following Brighton’s instructions. In the corner of my eye, Imogen was sitting very still, forcing an award-winning cheesy smile, while Kaz grinned through gritted teeth.
“Mr Hemlock just earned himself two weeks inside the supply closet.” he said casually, perching himself on the edge of his desk. The man studied each of us, taking his time to rip every shred of us apart.
Mind, body, and soul.
I struggled to maintain my stupid smile, shoving my shaking hands in my lap.
“Would anyone like to join him, or are you going to follow the rules?”
The rest of us stayed silent. I don't think any of us breathed.
Our teacher nodded to Kaz, inclining his head.
“Samuels. Are you all right?”
Kaz’s smile faltered slightly. He shifted in his chair. I could see sweat trickling down his right temple. “Uh, yeah.” He swiped at his forehead, like he couldn't believe he was sweating. “Yeah, I'm good.”
The teacher’s eyes narrowed. He moved toward his desk, and we all held our breaths. Mr Brighton seemed to study his hit-list, lips curving into a frown.
His gaze flicked to the boy, and then the paper.
He knew, I thought dizzily.
Mr Brighton knew the kid had been rummaging through his desk. But this was all about control. The teacher was using fear to control us, to manipulate our thoughts without having to get physical. He could have called out the boy right then, but Brighton was settling with mental torture instead. He just wanted to make my classmate squirm.
Without a word, the man folded up the piece of paper and slipped it into his pocket. “Mr Samuels, you are sweating,” our physics teacher said, mocking a frown. “Are you feeling okay?”
Kaz hesitated, tapping his shoe in a rhythm.
Being one of the smartest kids in the room definitely gave him an advantage.
I could already see the cogs turning behind half lidded eyes. Kaz was weighing each scenario, sorting them into positives and negatives.
The positives of answering would mean he was one step towards being in the clear, but there were two negatives.
Brighton would question him if he had left his seat, and then demand how his hit-list had magically moved across the desk.
Talking back was surely a rule-break, as well as outright lying.
Opening his mouth would get him in trouble, either way, and Kaz knew that.
So, he just nodded, forcing an even bigger smile.
Brighton’s lips pricked, his gaze straying on Kaz. “Good!” He cleared his throat, turning to the class. Kaz slumped in his seat with a sharp breath, resting his head in his arms. If Mr Brighton noticed, he didn't say anything. “Ignore the sweating. It should stop, along with hunger and thirst.”
Our teacher seemed to be able to manipulate everything in his vicinity.
Time.
Minds.
And slowly… contorting us into his own.
In the single second we were trapped inside, I felt days go by in a dizzying whirlwind that was like being permanently high. When I stood up, I felt like I was floating.
When I sat down, hours could go by, even days, and I wouldn't even feel them. I did try and count the days, initially, scribbling them on a scrap piece of paper, but somewhere around the thirteenth or fourteenth day, I lost count. The world around us never changed, in permanent stasis, and maybe that was sending us a little crazy.
After a while of being stuck at our desks, Mr Brighton allowed us to wander the classroom, as long as we stayed away from the door. I lay on the floor for days, counting ceiling tiles.
Sometimes, Imogen would join me.
I couldn't sleep, but I could pretend to sleep, imagining a world that was back to normal. I didn't feel hungry, but my brain did like to remind me of food at the weirdest times. I was aware of weeks passing us by, and then months.
I never grew hungry or tired, and my bodily functions were none existent.
I couldn't remember what pain felt like, or the urge to go to the bathroom. Even the concept of eating and drinking became foreign to me. Putting something in your mouth and chewing to sustain yourself?
That sounded odd.
The only thing that was changing was our slowly unravelling metal state.
I don't know how it started. Weekends and Tuesdays blended together. On one particular SaturTuesday, I was hanging upside down from my desk, watching Kaz and Imogen doodle on the whiteboard.
Kaz had a plan to escape, but after a while, his ‘plan’ to distract the teacher, had gone nowhere. After passing notes between us, the twelve of us had decided that we needed a weapon.
That was maybe a month ago. I wasn't sure what mind games our teacher was playing, but Kaz Samuels, who we were counting on to be our brains, was slowly falling under his spell. Their game had been going on for three days. The two of them were having a competition to see who could draw the craziest thing.
Mr Brighton was at his desk as usual, marking papers.
Imogen was drawing a weird looking ‘skateboard’ when the doors to the storage closet flew open.
Roman Hemlock appeared, and to my surprise, wasn't a hollow eyed shell.
He held up his hand in a wave, his lips forming a small smile.
“Yo.”
Roman’s reappearance was enough to snap us out of it. Kaz and Imogen stopped arguing, the rest of the class going silent. I sat up, blinking rapidly.
I was sure our collective consensus was that Roman Hemlock was dead.
Mr Brighton lifted his head and gave the boy a civil nod. “Mr Hemlock will be rejoining us,” he said, his gaze going back to marking papers. “Please make him feel comfortable. I'm sure he's very excited to be able to talk to you again.”
Instead of going to his desk, the boy immediately joined the others, snatching the marker off of a baffled looking Kaz, and drawing an overly artistic sketch of a penis. I wasn't sure what confused me more. The fact that Roman Hemlock had some serious artistic skills, or that he seemed suspiciously fine for someone who had been locked in the storage closet for two weeks with no social interaction.
With my last few lingering brain cells still clinging on, I studied the boy.
There were no signs of bruises or scratches.
His eyes seemed normal, not diluted or half lidded.
Unable to stop myself, I jumped off of my desk and joined the others, where Kaz was already interrogating the guy.
“WHAT–”
Imogen nudged him, and he lowered his voice, leaning against the wall. “What did he do to you?”
Roman shrugged, rolling his eyes. “Relax, dude. He didn't do anything to me.”
“Then what was that yell?” Imogen hissed.
The boy cocked his head. “Yell?”
“You yelled out,” Kaz folded his arms, narrowing his eyes. He was already suspecting one of us had been compromised– or worse, brainwashed into compliance. Kaz stepped closer, backing Roman into the desk. “You cried out when you first went in there,” he murmured, “So, what was that?”
Something in Roman’s eyes darkened. “Oh,” He said, his lip curling. “That.”
Kaz’s expression softened. He rested his hands on the boy’s shoulders. “Yeah,” He whispered. “What did he do to you?”
Imogen shoved Kaz out of the way, shooting the boy a glare.
“You don't have to tell us, you know.” She said in a small voice. “If it's too traumatising, or he did something you don't want to talk about–”
Roman cut her off with a laugh, and suddenly, all eyes were on him.
The remaining nine of us were eagerly awaiting an explanation.
“Are you fucking serious?”
When Kaz didn't respond, Roman gathered us in a kind of hustle, the four of us grouped together. I felt like I was on the football field. Still, though, if the guy’s goal was to look as suspicious as possible, he was doing a great job.
Roman studied each of us, one eyebrow cocked. When Mr Brighton glanced up from his work, Roman shot him a grin, lowering his voice to a hiss.
“You seriously think our fifty year old physics teacher has been abusing me in the storage closet?
“Then why did you cry out?” Kaz demanded. “Did he hit you?”
Roman stuck out his bottom lip. “I'm pretty sure he didn't hit me.”
“So, you cried out for no reason.”
“Why are you covering for him?” Imogen poked his forehead. “Are you lobotomised?”
Roman wafted her hand away. “Stop prodding me, and no, I'm 100% good.” He backed away from us, like we were observers, and he was the zoo attraction.
“I won't be, if you keep treating me like I'm senile.”
“Okay, fine,” Kaz sighed. “Just answer one.”
“Shoot.”
“When you first went in there, you made an unmistakable sound of distress–”
“Not this again,” Roman groaned. “Of course I yelled! I was shoved into a pitch black storage closet on my own! What, did you expect me to stay silent?”
Kaz didn't look convinced, Imogen nervously sucking her teeth.
The boy leaned back, resting his head against the wall. His eyes flickered shut.
“Stop looking at me like that, there's nothing to tell you,” he murmured, “Brighton didn't do shit to me. I was just freaked out.” Prying one eye open, he fixed us with a glare. “I am so sorry for reacting like a human. Next time, I'll make sure to attack him and pin him to the ground.”
It's not like we believed him. I don't think Roman believed himself.
Something significant had changed in him. He was no longer argumentative, like half of his personality had been torn away. Roman set a precedent. Because once he was following instructions and walking around with a dazed smile, others began to follow. I can't remember how much time had passed since I thought about escaping.
Days and weeks and months had collapsed into fleeting seconds I only noticed when I wasn't playing games.
I wasn't aware of my own lack of sanity until I found myself, on a random SaturWednesday. I was laughing, gathered with the others on the floor, around a Monopoly board. The game had been going on for almost a week.
Reality hit me when I was laughing so hard I tipped back.
I can't remember why I was laughing. I think Imogen told a bad joke.
“Hand it over.” Roman, who was the King of Monopoly, held out his hand, demanding my last 250 bucks. I remember noticing his smile, my foggy brain trying to find hints that he was in some kind of trance, or being controlled by Brighton. But no. His smile was real.
Genuine.
To my shock and confusion, so was mine.
I wasn't in a trance or any type of mind manipulation. I was completely conscious.
Was this… Stockholm syndrome? I thought dizzily.
Was I enjoying this?
My thoughts were like cotton candy, disconnected and wrong, and they barely felt like my own. My gaze found Imogen and Kaz, the two of them sitting shoulder to shoulder, enveloped in the game.
They looked exactly the same, their hair, clothes, everything about them staying stagnant. It was them themselves who had drastically changed. I had never seen them look so carefree. Imogen was a hotheaded cheerleader, and Kaz was the smart kid who gave himself nosebleeds from overworking himself. But now, they were laughing, nudging each other, caught up in an inside joke. Blinking slowly, my gaze strayed on them.
Sure, it could be manipulation. It could be brainwashing. But it could also be real.
Kaz caught my eye, raising a brow.
“You good, Christa?”
Shaking my head, I nodded.
Again, my smile felt real. Like I was having fun.
“Good. It's your turn.”
I picked up the dice, throwing them across the board.
Two sixes.
“I can already see her landing on one of my hotels.” Roman murmured. He sat up, resting his chin on his knees. “As the clear winner, I have a proposition.”
Ignoring him, I moved my piece– immediately landing on Park Place.
“I'll give you 500,” Roman announced, “If you give up New York avenue.”
“That's all I've got!”
Imogen nudged me. “Don't do it. If you give him New York Avenue, he only needs one more.”
“One thousand.” Roman waved the notes in my face.
“My final offer.”
When I reached for the cash, he held it back.
“New York Avenue, he said, with a grin.
“And your pride.”
Reluctantly, I handed my only property over.
Kaz threw the dice and moved his piece, and I half remembered we had an escape plan. “Community chest.” Kaz picked up a card. “Go straight to jail.”*
Roman spluttered. “That's karma,” he said, “For stealing from the bank.”
“You were stealing too!”
We had a plan.
We had…. a plan.
After discussing it in detail, Imogen and I were going to try and get onto Brighton’s laptop. It wasn't a perfect way to escape, but it was coherent.
So, what happened?
We were going to get out, so what… what was this?
Kaz’s earlier words hit me from months ago.
“Mr Brighton *is the thing keeping us here,”* he explained. “If we kill him, I'm like, 98% sure we’ll go back to normal.”
“Okay, and what if he dies and we’re *stuck?”* Imogen whisper-shrieked.
“I said 98% for a reason. Yes, there's a small chance his power will die with him. But there's a bigger chance that its effects will die when he does.”
Ren nodded slowly. “Right, and where exactly did you learn this information?”
“You'll feel a lot better if I don't answer that.”
“Okay.” Ren gritted his teeth. “So, we just need to find a weapon, right?”
“And don't tell Hemlock,” Kaz rolled his eyes. “I don't care what he says, that boy definitely had his mind fucked with. Hemlock is a liability. If we tell Roman, he tells Brighton, and we’re screwed.” Kaz nodded to me, then the others. “Keep your mouths shut.”
Presently, I wasn't sure the boy wanted to escape.
Slowly, I rolled my eyes over to Mr Brighton, who had joined us to play.
He was happily marking papers, taking part when he could.
It felt…right.
Not like we had been forced or manipulated, but more like he belonged. Part of me wanted to question why I felt like this, but I found that I didn't care. I didn't care that we were essentially dead, in a never ending stasis and stuck inside fifty two minutes past two. I stopped thinking about the outside world a long time ago.
I couldn't even remember my Mom’s face.
I made my decision, dazedly watching Imogen throw a chance card at Roman.
He flung one back, threatening to tip the board.
I wanted to stay.
In the corner of my eye, however, someone was still awake.
Ren, who had been sitting next to me, kept moving, further and further away. I didn't notice until he was inching towards our teacher, a box cutter clenched between his fist. There must have been a point when we found a box cutter, when we made it our weapon of choice.
But somewhere along the way, I think we just… lost the longing to want to escape.
I didn't see the exact moment the boy stabbed the blade into the man's neck, plunging it through his flesh, but I did feel a sudden jolt, like time itself was starting to falter and tremble.
Mr Brighton dropped to the ground, and I found my gaze flashing to the frozen clock.
Which was moving, suddenly.
Slowly creeping towards 2:53pm.
Something sticky ran underneath me, warm and wet.
Blood.
Blood that was running.
Roman’s half lidded eyes found mine, and he blinked, dropping the dice.
Like he'd been asleep for a long time.
2:53pm.
We were free.
The cool spring breeze grazing my cheeks was back. I could feel my own heartbeat, sticky sweat on my forehead.
And outside, Jessie Carson let out a gut-churning scream.
For a disorienting moment, I don't think any of us believed we were free.
Roman twisted around, his gaze on the doorway.
The piece of paper the teacher had stuck to the glass slipped away.
But Roman’s gaze was glued to the door, his cheeks paling.
His lips parted into a silent cry.
Following his eyes, I glimpsed a shadow.
A shadow that was frozen at 2:52pm.
2:53pm.
“Fuck.” Roman whispered, stumbling to his feet.
He turned to the rest of us, his eyes wild.
“Get DOWN!”
When the thing crashed through the door, our classroom exploding around us, chairs splintering against the walls, I was already dropping to my knees, crawling under a desk. It took me a moment to understand I was already kneeling in what was left of Imogen.
Her body had been hollowed out, singed straight through.
I was crawling through pieces of her flesh, mounds of her bisected brain.
Keeping my hand over my mouth, I watched this… thing.
A bulbous black monster, chewing its way through my classmates. Blood splattered the walls, raining from the ceiling, and that same striking pain ripped through my gut, agonising enough to force a cry through my lips.
My frantic gaze found the clock.
2:54pm.
Lurching forwards, I heaved up what was left of my lunch, agonising pain wrenching my stomach back and forth.
I jumped when another body joined me, thankfully alive, squeezing under the desk.
Roman, his face slick and dripping scarlet.
When the thing was gone, neither of us moved.
3:05pm.
“What are those things?” I managed to get out.
“I don't know,” Roman whimpered, covering his mouth. “But they're everywhere.”
3:10pm.
Another thing found our classroom. This time I saw it up close, a giant, bulbous black thing with an eye stalk. It knew we were there, peeking under the desk we were hiding. But it didn't kill us.
The thing left the room, stopping to gorge on half of Ren’s torso.
Roman shot me a questioning look, but I could only be relieved.
3:15pm.
Roman threw up black slime all over me.
He caught my eye, swiping his mouth. “Well, that can't be good.”
The pain in my gut was getting harder to deal with.
3:20pm.
“Did you have chicken nuggets for lunch?” Roman murmured. He got a little too close, his breath on my neck.
I had to suck in my stomach to stop the pain.
I was going hot and cold, sweat dripping down the back of my neck.
“Why?” I hissed back, taking deep, shaky breaths.
“I dunno,” Roman murmured, “I can smell them on your breath.”
His teeth grazed my flesh, sending shivers down my spine.
“Weird… huh.”
3:30pm.
Roman nudged me.
“Fuck.” He hissed. “Is that Kaz?”
Following his gaze, I found the remnants of Kaz under a crushed desk starting to… convulse.
“Was he bitten?” I whispered.
Roman’s eyes were a strange color. “Maybe.”
3:35pm
“Mr Brighton.” I was on my knees, sobbing, shaking my physics teacher.
“Mr Brighton! Take us back!”
I squeezed his ice cold hand for dear life.
“Say, ‘stop’,” I whispered “Please!”
3:40pm.
The thing that found me didn't attack me. It sat there, head cocked, watching me roll around on the floor, the pain writhing through me. I watched its transformation in short bursts, consciousness swimming in and out.
When I found light again, the thing was sitting cross legged next to me, chewing on a human arm. Maybe I was hallucinating. I watched it for a long time, trying to figure out why it was wearing strips of Roman’s white shirt.
3:52pm.
No longer in the school, I was in the back of an ambulance, a lady screaming in my face. I could see the time on her watch. She told me I was going to be okay, and I think I was. But I wasn't sure how to tell her she smelled good.
Like chicken.
It's been three months since my teacher froze time.
Mr Brighton wasn't imprisoning us. He was protecting us.
I'm still alive, but I have to take regular shots. I think they're just in case I was infected by those things.
I asked Mom if the incident has been on the news, but there's no coverage.
According to the people in white who treated me, everything has been covered up. According to the Mayor, ten kids died in a gas leak.
No mention of the monstrous things hunting us down…
Our town is just a blip on the map. You can't find us. I wish you could, though.
I need help.
I'm terrified of myself.
I’m not going to tell Mom she smells like chicken, because she'll freak out.
Last night, someone, or something knocked on my window.
When I turned on the light, a single, bulging eye was staring at me through the glass.
I still don't know why it was crying.

In Hollywood movies, the most shameful thing is to be poor.
In Bollywood movies, the most shameful thing is to be unmanly or unfeminine. https://t.co/Qd1S02dE5Jpic.twitter.com/Oa1b3O6AOR
— Whyvert (@whyvert) May 14, 2024
And a comment: “In Bollywood movies throughout multiple eras, the most shameful thing has always been disrespect of parents/family. By a wide margin.”
The post The culture of Hollywood vs. the culture of Bollywood appeared first on Marginal REVOLUTION.

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Wanted to point out, that the Spanish version in Wikipedia was hugely updated. Specially the reconstruction (timeline) section.
The full timeline is pretty damming to Rosario Porto but also appears to exclude Alfonso from crime scene.
>! July 4 and 5, 2013: According to Rosario's story, on July 4 she forgot her keys in the front door of her house. Which allowed in the early hours of July 5 the entry of who she describes as a 1.60 m tall male who attacked Asunta in her bedroom. According to her testimony, he confronted the man after which he escaped. [ 39 ] [ 40 ] July 9, 16 and 22, 2013: Different witnesses note that Asunta appears to be sleepy in several different episodes. [ 21 ] [ 23 ] [ 41 ] September 21, 2013: 08:30 Asunta wakes up at her father Alfonso's house where she spent the night. (Her mother would have spent the night with her lover). 09:30 The girl goes to her mother's house for a Chinese class . The distance between the two houses is less than 100 meters and it is not necessary to cross the street. 10:15 Class begins, it lasts longer than usual since the teacher, Asunta and Porto stay chatting. 12:10 The teacher leaves. She does not attend the French Alliance, as was usual. 13:55 Asunta leaves her house, heading to her adoptive father's apartment. [ 42 ] They had agreed that they were going to eat at Alfonso's house, but Asunta leaves first to get to see " The Simpsons ." 14:00 He passes in front of the camera of a bank branch (Bankia) on the corner in front of the Plaza de Puente Castro, on his way to his father's apartment. The father had already returned after shopping for food. 14:29 Rosario Porto's phone registers a connection (Geolocated in the vicinity of Basterra's apartment). There will be no more activity until 7:29 p.m. [ 43 ] 14:30 The mother arrives at Alfonso's house. 15:00 They eat the mushrooms cooked by the latter. 15:00-17:00 Time frame in which Asunta would have ingested Orfidal (Lorazepam) [ 44 ] 16:30 The three play two games of Continental cards . [ 42 ] 16:59 The father's first cell phone records a call, geolocated near his apartment. (It is clarified that it is the first motive, since the father had another that was found later). [ 45 ] He will not have any more activity until 8:47 p.m. The fact that there is no activity does not mean that the mobile phone is necessarily turned off. (Something was not necessarily done to it to make it unfindable.) 17:21 Asunta passes by the same Bankia camera , on the way to her mother's apartment in Doutor Teixeiro. She would have gone to do her schoolwork. Rosario Porto declares that she stayed smoking for a while at Alfonso's house. [ 46 ] 17:25 Asunta would have written on WhatsApp to her friends that she was going to do her homework. 17:28 Rosario Porto also passes in front of the bank's camera. She supposedly walked to his apartment where she stayed for a few minutes before leaving again to go look for his car. [ 43 ] 17:38 Asunta's cell phone registers a data connection, geolocated in the vicinity of her mother's apartment. She won't have any more activity until 9:05 p.m. 17:43 Three calls are made from the landline at Porto's home to Porto's mobile phone. They all end up on voicemail . The caller is unknown, although it could be Asunta calling her mother. [ 47 ] 17:50 According to Porto's first statement: She returned to Santiago de Compostela around that time, and then headed alone to her house in Montouto . [ 42 ] While Asunta stayed at her house doing her homework. 18:09 Banco Sabadell camera records Rosario Porto on the way to the garage. (The camera was not mentioned as evidence at trial; its timing is not verified.) [ 48 ] 18:12 Rosario Porto is recorded in a different camera, on the way to Xeneral Pardiñas Number 7, where her car is kept in the garage that belonged to her parents. A green Mercedes 190. 18:15 The Mercedes de Porto is recorded by camera in Montero Ríos. It would be between this event and the next that the girl enters the car. Both for what she considers the accusation and for what Rosario Porto declares in her second version, where she says that: after picking up her car, she remembers that she must stop by her house to look for a bag for the swimsuits. There, as she declares, Asunta decided that she wanted to accompany her to Teo . 18:20: Porto's car is searched by the Galician Parliament chamber. 18:21:23 The car driven by Porto goes around a roundabout on the way to Teo . On board you can see the figures of her and her daughter. 18:00 to 19:00 The girl and Alfonso Basterra are seen by Clara Baltar. An acquaintance from her classes at the Alliance Française who she was shopping at. Although the witness says that this happened around 6:00 p.m. or 7:00 p.m., the purchase ticket has the time 6:21 p.m. This would conflict with the photo of the Garulesa (18:22). As Clara Baltar's testimony was 2 months later, the cash register was not audited to confirm that the schedule was correctly set on the device. 18:24:54 Clara Baltar is recorded a few meters by Xeneral Pardiñas beyond the intersection with República del Salvador Street, in the same camera at the Sabadell bank . The camera was not analyzed at the trial by either the prosecutor or the defense. [ 49 ] 18:35 The alarm at Montouto 's (Teo) house is deactivated. 19:00 Also as part of his second version, Porto says that Asunta wanted to return around this time without even having entered the house. According to her, the girl regretted having gone, she also wants to do her homework and mentions that she felt dizzy. She then drives back to Doutor Teixeiro where she leaves Asunta on the street but without seeing her enter, after which she heads back to Montouto 's house . [ 40 ] However, she later went to the Decathlon in Santiago when she noticed that her wallet was missing, so she returned to Montouto 's chalet for the third time. [ 50 ] It should be noted that the alarm at the house in Montouto was not reactivated during this entire period. Except for the first one, accompanied by Asunta in the direction of Teo at 6:21 p.m. and the last one after 8:53 p.m., none of these trips were recorded by any camera. [ 51 ] 19:00-20:00 Estimated time of Asunta's death according to forensics; The estimate is approximate, since the body's temperature was not taken. Defense experts say that death may have been as late as 10:00 p.m. [ 52 ] 19:29 The mother makes an internet data connection (Geolocated in Montouto ). Do a Google search . She declares that shortly after her cell phone goes off and the battery is dead. She won't have any more activity until 9:52 p.m. 20:09 A friend of Asunta is worried about her silence in the WhatsApp group that her friends had and asks about her. Asunta does not respond. [ 53 ] 20:47 The father's first cell phone registers a connection (geolocated near his apartment) as he begins to make several calls to Asunta's cell phone, Porto's cell phone, and the landline at Porto's home. [ 54 ] [ 43 ] 20:53 The alarm at Teo 's house is connected again. At that time (approximately) a neighbor greets Porto, in a car, but does not see the girl. 21:00 The father appears on the cameras passing again and again, up to nine times, in front of the bank branch lens. 21:05 Asunta's cell phone registers a connection, because her father is calling her from his cell phone. [ 26 ] 21:28 Chamber of Parliament of Galicia records the return of Rosario Porto from Teo . The other returns that she claims to have made are not captured on camera. [ 51 ] 21:32 The camera near the garage captures her coming down with a bag in which she says would be the swimsuits that she went to look for Teo . Between the activation of the alarm and the arrival it took 38 minutes. [ 55 ] 26 more than it took on the way. [ 56 ] The swimsuits were later found stored in a drawer in Porto's apartment. 21:52 Rosario Porto's cell phone registers activity again. Geolocated in the vicinity of your apartment. 22:31 The parents report Asunta's disappearance at the central police station in Santiago de Compostela . [ 57 ] September 22, 2013: 00:39 (approx.) A neighbor passes by the place where the body will later be found, without seeing anything strange. [ 57 ] 01:30 (approx.) A couple of young people who are heading to the parish of Oza find the girl's body. [ 57 ] 01:39 The Civil Guard receives notice that two people claim to have found a body. [ 57 ] 07:00 The body is lifted. [ 57 ] September 23, 2013: Rosario Porto is arrested. September 24, 2013: Alfonso Basterra is arrested. !<

A 70s stinker, big monster, off the path and more this week.
The TL;DR The Visitor: A remarkable cast is wasted in this bizarre Italian semi-sci-fi riff on The Omen, The Fury, and others. The Ruins: Absolutely riveting tourism gone wrong horror. Deathgasm: Top tier horror comedy that hits similar notes to Dead Alive. My Heart Can’t Beat Unless You Tell It To: Part family drama, part thought experiment. A look at a trio of people who are dead inside, each in their own way. The Lake: Special effects are the star of this “Thaiju” feature, but there isn’t much else to it. Moloch: Needed some edits but fans of folk horror should enjoy this Dutch offering. Lovely, Dark, and Deep: In the forests of the night, it gets credibly creepy. Low budget, but a great lead and fine visuals.
The Visitor (1979): “I can’t kill children – only the evil part.” After a psychedelic encounter on a planet with a lava lamp atmosphere, an old man lets blond space Jesus — who has been telling hairless kids about how “Commander Yahweh” slew the demonic Sateen — know that a spiritual descendant of Sateen has been reborn on Earth. Cue 70s style soundtrack, and here we go! Or would go, if anything ever happened. The film is a total mess, with bizarrely long takes of John Huston (!) and others pacing or staring or driving in one scene and rapidfire edits in another. Lance Henrikson’s (!) Ray is more robotic than Bishop, and Shelley Winters (!) and Sam Peckinpah (!!) don’t make much of a difference. Allegedly, the cast only participated to gain a free trip to Italy, which I hope they enjoyed. Huston’s distinctive voice is the film’s only redeeming quality, but you’re better off hearing it elsewhere. Gore: 1/10. Nudity: None. Tubi.
The Ruins (2008): “Aren’t you glad you came?” Iceman and Jena Malone (who had a memorable makeout session in Neon Demon) venture with their friends to some off the path Mayan ruins, where the locals welcoming in a “We wish you’d never, ever leave” way. As it turns out, I’d already seen this one long ago; hearing the “cell phone” ring immediately tipped me off. But it was very much worth a second watch, and if you haven’t seen it absolutely do so. It’s well worth the $3 and change. Then consider the aftermath. Gore: 6/10. Nudity: None. Prime rental
Deathgasm (2015): “Hail Satin” Horror comedies face the same challenge as regular comedies: keeping the laughs going after the first 15 minutes, when the dramatic plot kicks in. Tucker and Dale did this very well; Zombeavers not so much. Deathgasm, fortunately, is a lot closer to T&D, finding ways great and small to inject humor in and around the more serious scenes. And damn, what lines — I had to pause more than a few times to laugh my arse off. As a metalhead in my youth, I appreciated a lot of jokes more than I might have otherwise, but anyone with a stomach for gore and naughtiness will enjoy this one. Gore: 8/10, but it’s a funny 8/10. Nudity: Brief. Tubi
My Heart Can’t Beat Unless You Tell it To (2021): “We shouldn’t be doing the things that we’re doing.” Two siblings care for the third, who is sickly and has special nutritional requirements one might term the “Lugosi Diet.” Not heroin — the red stuff. This is only peripherally a vampire movie. It’s much more a psychological drama about caregiver fatigue, the struggle of the able to aid the disabled and how even a family full of love can collapse under the weight of their burdens. There’s no backstory given, no mythos to justify the situation, just a family struggling to do what they have to do to keep their youngest member alive. It’s good, with the leads providing a bleak window into their day-to-day existences, though a little humor would have been nice. It’s an existential, thought-provoking vignette that may linger with you. Gore: 3/10, bloodletting. Nudity: Just a man and his underwear. Screambox, which I apparently still have.
The Lake (2022): “Compose yourself. Don’t get out of the car.” I wanted a big monster flick, and this Thai production says it has one. I just hope I don’t have to wait forever for it to sho—ah, 3 minutes in and there it is. No build up at all. Huh. A fan of Bong Joon-Ho’s The Host (2006) apparently got hold of a decent budget and put together a “Thaiju” film of their own, and it’s…okay. While the editing is all over the place, it does keep the story moving, and the creatures are interesting to look at and well rendered. There are speed bump human dramas, but they don’t account for much; characters are uni-dimensional, and the film unfortunately lacks much in the way of a binding narrative. If you’re in the mood for a big beast exercise in special effects, you could do worse. Just don’t expect much else. Gore: 4/10. Nudity: None. Prime.
Moloch (2022): “You science boys, you’re uninformed.” This Dutch folk horror tells — at a modest pace — the story of Bietrik and her family, who have suffered substantial losses over the generations. Events lead her to believe that her family may be cursed, haunted by some local entity. All in all, it’s a decent movie, wrapped around its own eerie mythology and leading to a striking conclusion. There’s a scene in a field that should have been left on the cutting room floor, and the second half lacks the sense of urgency and discovery that can really carry a movie, but I’d still recommend it for the atmosphere and some fine, creepy moments. Not bad for a writedirector’s first full length feature.
Gore: 3/10. Nudity: None. Trivia: While Moloch has often been thought of as a deity to whom children were sacrificed, more recent research suggests it was instead a type of sacrifice, one that involved children and was performed for various gods in the Levant, including the god of the Hebrews. Shudder
Lovely, Dark, and Deep (2023): “You’ve taken from us.” Georgina Campbell (Barbarian) is a forest ranger taking her first 90-day assignment in the deepest part of the woods in her fictional park. We see her settle in, go on multi-day walkabouts, and wrestle with a loss in her past. It’s a slow, scenic build to the weirdness, but it snowballs quickly. There’s a “walking simulator” aspect that follows which may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but Campbell kept me invested with her performance. While the film follows some tropes (things there one moment and gone the next, for example), it turns others on its head. While “in the forest” stories can go very different ways (as The Ritual, Gaia,and In the Earth demonstrate), I finished LD&D thinking of it as a folk horror. I’m curious if you agree. Gore: 5/10 for some red moments. Nudity: None. Trivia: The title comes from a Robert Frost poem you may have encountered in school. Tubi
What fine or forgettable flicks have been on your list this week?

Hi!
I really don’t know where to start with this one. It’s definitely going to be a long post as I don’t want to miss on any potentially crucial detail, hence apologies for posting something this long.
Here’s my best attempt at summarizing what happened without losing on any detail (feel free to ask for clarification if anything isn’t clear):

• I bought a proxmark3 rdv4 as part of a kit which also comes with several of its accessories from an online website selling these kinds of things.
• When I received it, I noticed several smudges on the device itself and the cards that came with it where scratched up to severely, which immediately alarmed me but I really tried to brush it off to just being caused by the manufacturing process.
• Three days after first receiving it, it completely died on me during usage. And showed no signs of life whatsoever.
• Naturally contacted the online website’s support and explained the situation, and they responded asking me to try some troubleshooting steps to try to isolate the issue and potentially fix it remotely, all of which didn’t work.
• Hence they offered to look into it themselves by having me send it back to them.
• However, I insisted on returning the full kit back for a full refund as it is no longer fit for purpose due to both being defective and the fact that I wouldn’t trust a replacement either to not fail the same way now that I experienced this. And since this was 3 days since receiving it, and even 4 days since placing the purchase, it was well within the 14 days period the Consumer Rights Act 2015 allows for. Hence I asked them to just return the full kit for a full refund instead.
• Yet they (or shoud I say he as it turns out this “company” is actually just one person) refused and said since I now opened it I am no longer eligible for a refund and kept insisting that sending it back for repaireplacement was my only option. (Which is nonsense as how was I supposed to even know it was defective if I didn’t open it!!!). They even went as far as stating their ToS also states that defective items aren’t eligible for a refund even if they are within the 14 day period (which is also nonsense as even their own ToS states that you can return faulty items for a full refund within 14 days. And either way the Consumer Rights Act 2015 gives me this right regardless of what their ToS say).
• Then things started getting even more suspicious with this sellecompany. They started ignoring my emails stating my rights under the Consumer Rights Act 2015, and just resending the same email asking me if I accept to return it for a repair or replacement. Obviously I was not going to say yes as then they will use that against me and say I accepted to not get a refund but have it replaced instead.
• So having paid by PayPal, it seemed straightforward. Just open up a dispute, explain the situation clearly and upload evidence. Which is exactly what I did.
• Then through the PayPal disputes seller-buyer chat you get when first opening a dispute to try to sort things out together first, the seller again insisted on this whole ToS nonsense and then asked for the item back and provided a returns address but wouldn’t provide a returns label unless I accepted not to get a refund (again, not going to say yes to that). So what I did was instead return it under my own dime through Royal Mail Special Guarantee so there’s clear evidence. And uploaded the tracking details to the dispute.
• Item gets delivered with proof of delivery and a signature and everything (because I thankfully decided to send it special guarantee), yet the seller kept asking for it back and not acknowledging that it’s already been delivered. (Even more suspicious!).
• And when I clearly stated even the tracking showing proof of delivery and everything, suddenly the story changed and the seller now has it back… and then things got even more interesting.
• The seller went above and beyond straight up making false statements claiming I damaged and modified the item (which I didn’t do). And the funny thing is, not only is what he was saying contradicting with the manufacturer’s own instructions, but his false allegations even contradict themselves! For example, he said the device outer cover is sealed and that I broke the seal and forced the cover open against the manufacturer’s usage instructions. Yet then claimed the tool which is INCLUDED in the box by the manufacturer specifically to open the casing showed signs of usage. Anyone with a brain without even knowing a thing about the device would instantly realize: Why would the manufacturer seal a device and not condone opening it yet include a tool specifically to do exactly that? And to add to that, the reason why you would open the outer casing is to access a SIM slot under there, which you then plug an also INCLUDED SIM-SAM adapter to that slot to use it… hence again, why would the manufacturer include an adapter in the box which can’t even be used without opening the plastic cover. And mind you all of these are part of the main device box, these aren’t the additional accessories that also came with the kit. Hence none of these could have possibly been aftermarket things not recommended by the manufacturer. See how even someone who doesn’t know anything about the device can instantly tell how these allegations conflict with each other? And to add to that, the seller also claimed that I admitted that I flashed aftermarket software to the device and that the device failed immediately after, and pointed towards one of my emails who he previously claimed he never received (again! Super obvious lie!). Yet that wasn’t what I even said, I said that I updated it to the latest version exactly as the manufacturer getting started docs instruct you to, and it was working fine (hence the failure did not occur after the update!) and the failure only happened 3 days later while I was just reading one of the included NFC cards (yes, one of the ones scratched). Hence again, more clear lies.
• So at that point I clearly explained exactly how his lies conflict each other and conflict with the manufacturer instructions and supplied proof as well with manufacturer documentation and the full terminal log showing all of the things I did and commands I ran with the device, and escalated the claim for PayPal to review.
• PayPal despite saying they will provide a verdict in 5 days, took weeks and them suddenly asked me to provide a police report. Yet when contacting the local police they said they don’t deal with these kind of things (which I expected), so now I am being asked for something that the police don’t even provide. Gave the PayPal customer service a call and explained that… and they rudely just kept repeating that I have to provide that or else my case will be closed in the seller’s favor.
• After looking around I found the action fraud website so reported the incident there and thankfully the report letter you get after submitting mentions it being a police service, hence that would definitely work. So I went ahead and supplied that to the dispute and again it said they will provide a verdict within 5 days. This time they took even longer than last time and after keeping me on my toes for possibly a month+ they just simply rejected the claim saying I modified/damaged the item effectively blindly siding with the seller despite the clear lies and despite the clear explanation and evidence I supplied showing that.
• So I appealed the decision and this time re-wrote the full explanation and evidence in case it wasn’t clear the first time and emphasized everything and made sure it was super clear with numbered bullet points and everything. Yet again they took their time and kept me waiting for weeks, eventually rejecting the appeal too for the same reason. (Clearly they couldn’t be bothered to even read a work I said nor even use any brain cells to see how obvious the lies are from the seller).
• Once your appeal gets rejected then there’s no way to re-open the dispute anymore nor create a new one. So rang the PayPal support again and explained the situation and after the agent looked at the dispute even he agreed that the sellers lies were as clear as day and that my explanation and evidence further proves that, and was confused as to why it got rejected. So he said he will escalate to their head office and I should receive a response in 3 working days. And I immediately asked him: They rejected it twice already and blindly sided with the seller, wouldn’t they just do the same? And he assured me that the head office is a different team from the team that handled the dispute.
• Over 2 weeks later… and I still haven’t heard back from anyone. So I gave them another ring. This time the agent that I got straight up started blaming me for “modifying” the item and saying the same nonsense and after straight up going over how all of them are lies (the same way I went over that twice already in my dispute and appeal, but this time I could actually say it verbally in real time to him as it was a phone call), he kept coming up with random nonsense excuses like saying PayPal disputes don’t handle defective items (which is nonsense) and then also went on saying that since the failure occurred 3 days after and not immediately it’s also not covered (again, nonsense), so I reminded him of my rights under the Consumer Rights Act 2015 and he went on saying but that’s not what they PayPal ToS says, and I also reminded him of the signs of usage I also clearly mentioned in the dispute and appeal hence even the item wasn’t as described as it was advertised as new (which in itself entitles me to a full refund even if the device hadn’t failed) and I straight up told him PayPal operates in the UK and all UK laws apply to them and they can’t legally deny my rights regardless of what their ToS says (and by the way, nowhere in the ToS either was it saying anything this guy was claiming). So regardless of what I kept saying he just kept coming up with excuses and nonsense so I knew that phone call was going nowhere. He even went as far as saying that I should resolve this with the seller directly (AS IF I HAVENT BEEN TRYING TO DO THAT FROM THE BEGINNING TO NO AVAIL WHICH IS WHY I HAD TO FILE A DISPUTE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!).
• At that point I had reached a dead end as the seller wasn’t cooperating, PayPal was blindly siding with him regardless of what I did, and to top this off and I couldn’t even file a dispute with my bank as I had used my card from my home country, and apparently when I spoke to them they said they don’t even file disputes unless the item simply hasn’t arrived (which in itself is just stupid on top of all of the stupidity I have faced so far).
• So now I was out £509.99 for the kit, plus the £7.65 I paid out of pocket for postage to return it (which honestly I could have written off if I would have at least gotten the money for the kit refunded), and now I don’t even have the device nor the whole kit as that’s been returned to the seller. So I am out both the money and the kit. And the seller gets to keep the whole kit and probably scam someone else with it as well, plus gets to keep the money.
• So I now filed a case with the financial ombudsman as it been wayyyyyyyyyyyy over 8 weeks and PayPal still hasn’t resolved this nor even wants to (thankfully didn’t need a final response letter due to how long it’s taken otherwise that in itself would have been a nightmare to try to get from PayPal judging by my experience with them so far). But I am honestly not hopeful at all as I have never my life ever won an ombudsman case, as they always blindly side with the company (yes, the same way PayPal blindly sided with the seller), hence no wonder companies confidently refer you to them because they know you probably won’t win.

Hence all of that being said, what are my options now? I am guessing probably small claims court, but if I lose that too then I will also be out the fees for that on top of the already massive losses. Plus I am an international student hence won’t be in the UK over the summer and my schedule during the academic year might not give me time to attend the hearing. Plus I can’t speak legalese and I am generally terrible at communicating on the spot due to my ADHD, hence that also won’t be in my favor. And I can’t afford to have someone represent me either.
I am really sorry if I am sounding super negative, I just really don’t know how to handle this, especially considering how much money I lost now which in itself has been a nightmare.
Any advice would greatly be appreciated whether here or through DMs (my DMs are open if you don’t feel comfortable sharing advice here).
Thanks!

Epic spring cleaning. PayPal, e-Transfer, or cash. Local in Metro Vancouver-area for meetup, can also ship. Currently not open to trades, sorry.

Gear and clothing:

• USGI UNICOR 1995 PASGT Helmet (Medium)($300):
  • Genuine US military surplus - real Kevlar protection, supposedly stops 9mm
  • Standard OD green shell, comes with M81 woodland camo cover, a cat-eyes reflective IFF band, and an NVG mount
  • Here's a pic of the markings, or at least I tried to take it... difficult with the band permanently attached
  • Working condition - this has definitely seen a deployment (not by me). No cracks or dents.
• USGI Safariland SPEAR ELCS Deployment Kit ($800):
  • All in NEW unissued condition and in M81 woodland camo unless otherwise stated
  • All pieces are genuine US military issue gear, all made in the USA, this is THE kit issued to US SOCOM right before and during the initial operations in Afghanistan 2001.... "rare" doesn't even begin to describe some of the pieces here
    • 1x Storage Organization Device (OD green)
    • 1x Load Bearing Panel Set, (1 Left, 1 Right)
    • 1x H-Harness Panel Set, (1 Left, 1 Right)
    • 1x Shoulder Pad Assembly
    • 2x Pouch, General Purpose, Large
    • 2x Pouch, Ammo, M60/SAW, 100 Round
    • 4x Pouch, Ammo, M16/M4, 30 Round, Double
    • 2x Pouch, Ammo, 40mm, Single
    • 2x Pouch, Medical
    • 1x Pouch, Flashbang
    • 2x Cover, Canteen, 2 Quart
    • 2x ALICE Attachment Adapter
    • 1x Manual
• USGI American Apparel USMC MCCUU Coat (Small-Short)(MARPAT Woodland)($50):
  • Genuine US military surplus, Marine issue with the EGA emblem and branch tape
  • Excellent used condition
• USGI American Apparel USMC MCCUU Pants (Small-Short)(MARPAT Woodland)($50):
  • Genuine US military surplus, Marine issue with the EGA emblem and branch tape
  • Excellent used condition
• USGI Isratex Inc. Hot Weather BDU Combat Pants (X-Small, X-Short)(M81 Woodland)($20):
  • Genuine US military surplus
  • Excellent used condition
• USGI MOLLE II Rifleman Pack with Frame (M81 woodland)($50):
  • Genuine US military surplus - part of the original overall MOLLE II infantry kit system of the late-1990s/early-2000s.
  • Working condition - this has definitely seen a deployment (not by me), but has been taken care of as part of a Cold War display I had.
• USGI SDS MOLLE II Patrol Pack w/ stiffener (M81 woodland)($50):
  • Genuine US military surplus, part of the MOLLE II system
  • Working condition - this has definitely seen a deployment (not by me)
• USGI SDS MOLLE II M16A2 6-Magazine Pouch Bandoleer (M81 Woodland)($20): SOLD!
  • Genuine US military surplus, part of the MOLLE I system - great as a backup/extra mag keeper in your backpack or trunk
  • Good condition
• 3x USGI SDS MOLLE II M4 mag pouch (double)(M81 Woodland)($10 each):
  • Genuine US military surplus, part of the MOLLE II system
  • It is marked as "double" as in it can hold two mags in a single slot, but it's a tight fit and, realistically, it's better used as a single mag pouch unless you stretch it out
  • Brand new condition
• 17x USGI SDS MOLLE II 40mm HE grenade pouch (single)(M81 Woodland)($5 each):
  • Genuine US military surplus, part of the MOLLE II system
  • Brand new condition
• 2x USGI SDS MOLLE II 40mm HE grenade pouch (double)(M81 Woodland)($5 each):
  • Genuine US military surplus, part of the MOLLE II system
  • Brand new condition
• 2x USGI SDS MOLLE II 40mm pyrotechnic pouch (double)(M81 Woodland)($5 each):
  • Genuine US military surplus, part of the MOLLE II system
  • Brand new condition
• USGI SDS MOLLE II squad radio pouch (M81 Woodland)($10):
  • Genuine US military surplus, part of the MOLLE II system
  • Good condition
• 2x USGI SDS MOLLE II sustainment pouch (M81 woodland)($10 each): SOLD!
  • Genuine US military surplus, part of the MOLLE I rucksack set (goes on the sides of the ruck)
  • Fits 2 MREs and many other things - it's a large pouch
  • Good condition
• USGI Handcuffs and SDS MOLLE pouch (M81 woodland)($20):
  • Genuine US military surplus, add-on to the MOLLE II system
  • Brand new condition
• USGI SDS MOLLE II USMC E-Tool Pouch (M81 Woodland)($10):
  • Genuine US military surplus, part of the MOLLE II system, meant for the standard folding shovel/e-tool
  • Good condition
• USGI SDS MOLLE II canteen/NVG/general purpose pouch (M81 Woodland)($10):
  • Genuine US military surplus, part of the MOLLE II system
  • Good condition
• USGI SDS MOLLE II Ka-Bar knife sheath adapter (OD green)($5):
  • Genuine US military surplus, meant as an add on to the MOLLE I package, fits the classic KA-BAR, M7/M9 bayonet, and issued machete scabbards/sheaths
  • Good condition
• 2x USGI SDS ALICE adapter (OD green)($5):
  • Genuine US military surplus, part of the MOLLE I system
  • Good condition
  • Free with the purchase of any MOLLE gear, just ask beforehand!
• USGI SDS RACK MOLLE Motorola SABER radio pouch (M81 woodland)($15):
  • Genuine US military surplus, part of the Ranger RACK system
  • Adjustable and can fit many other walkie-talkie types
  • Brand new condition
• USGI SDS RACK MOLLE AN/PRC-126 radio pouch (M81 woodland)($15):
  • Genuine US military surplus, part of the Ranger RACK system
  • Adjustable and can fit many other walkie-talkie types
  • Brand new condition
• USGI Point Blank Interceptor OTV throat protector (M81 Woodland) w/ ballistic insert ($50):
  • Genuine US military surplus - meant to attach to an OTV (Outer Tactical Vest). It comes with the ballistic insert that is supposed to be real NIJ Level III protection.
  • Good condition
• USGI Bijan's Elbowpads (Medium)(M81 Woodland)($20):
  • Genuine US military surplus
  • Brand new condition
• USGI Bijan's Kneepads (Small)(M81 Woodland)($20):
  • Genuine US military surplus
  • Brand new condition
• USGI 1 quart canteen (OD green)($5):
  • Genuine US military surplus
  • Never used, but outside has some scratches due to storage
  • Free if you buy the canteen pouch above! Just ask.
• USGI ALICE compass pouch (OD green)($5):
  • Genuine US military surplus, part of the old ALICE kit
  • Brand new condition
• USGI ALICE AN/PVS-7 Night Vision Goggle pouch (OD Green)($30):
  • Genuine US military surplus, has a removable but genuine 3rd Infantry Division tag
  • Good, used condition
• 3x USGI Fireforce ALICE 9mm pistol magazine pouch (OD Green)($5 each):
  • Genuine US military surplus
  • Good, used condition
• USGI Bianchi M1415 Thumb Break Conversion (OD Green)($10):
  • Genuine US military surplus, meant to replace the flap on the M12 holster with a simple quick-unsnap strap
  • New
• USGI Camelbak Thermobak 3L (M81 Woodland)($25):
  • Genuine US military surplus, sort of a late add on to MOLLE II, but it has no PALS webbing - it's designed to be loosely worn over chest rigs and plate carriers
  • Good used condition
• USGI USMC Lightweight Helmet (LWH) helmet headband replacement (large)($5):
  • Genuine US military surplus, replacement part for the USMC LWH helmet, although it is backwards-compatible with PASGT
  • Brand new condition
• USGI M183 Demolition Charge Assembly satchel bag (OD green)($40):
  • Genuine US military surplus
  • New condition, but from the 70s
• USGI PASGT Helmet liner band replacement (Medium)($5):
  • Genuine US military surplus, comes with 4 retaining clips
  • New
• USGI IFAK Insert (OD Green)($5):
  • Genuine US military surplus, meant to hold the standard medical kit but is also a great, durable waterproof case that can protect phones and such
  • New
• Rothco Russian-contract Commando Sweater (OD green)(small) ($15):
  • Used surplus. The NCB code in the NSN of this sweater (57) indicates that this is was built for a Russian Federation military contract - back when Russia and NATO were on friendlier terms (I would assume that would date this sweater to 90s, early 00s)
• Rothco Phillipines-contract V-neck Sweater (black)(small) ($15):
  • Used surplus. The NCB code in the NSN of this sweater (46) indicates that this is was built for a Filipino military contract
• Rothco commercial V-neck Sweater (blue)(small)($5):
  • Used surplus. This came under one of Rothco's commercial brands - Wildlands. Meant for private guards, civilian use
• Rothco DBDU desert chocolate-chip camo BDU shorts (Small-Regular)($5):
  • Used, but fair condition
• Rothco police tactical short-sleve shirt (Medium)(Black)($10):
  • Excellent used condition
• KA-BAR 1216S Kydex sheath for KA-BAR USMC (black)($10):
  • Brand new condition
• USGI GS/FRP-2 Nomex Summer Flyer's Flight Gloves (Size: 8)(OD green)($15):
  • Genuine US military surplus
  • Size 8 which is small/medium more or less
  • New condition
• Propper Patrol Cap (Medium)(Black)($5):
  • New condition
• Propper undercover tactical short-sleeve shirt (tan)($15):
  • Comes with hidden pockets and zippers - meant for law enforcement
  • Lightly used condition
• Rothco moisture-wicking long-sleeve undershirt (OD green)($5):
  • Lightly used condition
• Condor MOLLE shoulder stop (desert tan)($5):
  • For those who like to put the buttstock of their long gun closer to their chest (popularized in the 2010s by some tactical training schools). Also works fine as a sort of grip pad for various uses.
  • Brand new, no tags. Never gamed.
• Condor MOLLE Padded War Belt (desert tan) ($10):
  • Fits all sizes. Brand new, no tags, Never gamed.
• Condor BinoculaLarge General Purpose MOLLE Pouch (black)($5):
  • Excellent used condition
• 1x Condor 20rd M16 mag/Small General Purpose MOLLE Pouch (black)($5):
  • Good used condition
  • 2 sold, 1 left
• Warrior Cordura 1 qt. Canteen/NVG MOLLE pouch (DCU camo)($5):
  • Brand new
• 2x Condor 20rd M16 mag/Small General Purpose MOLLE Pouch (grey)($5 each):
  • Brand new
• Condor IFAK/Medium General Purpose MOLLE pouch (OD green)($5):
  • Excellent used condition
• Condor Cellphone/Electronics MOLLE Pouch (OD Green)($5)
  • Brand new
• Phoenix Industries Velcro Admin MOLLE Pouch (OD Green)($5):
  • Brand new
• Condor 2x 30rd AK mag + pistol mag pouch (OD green)($5):
  • Brand new
• 4x Condor MOLLE Mod straps (OD green) ($5): SOLD!
  • 2x 4" and 2x 6" pieces
  • Attaches anything to your MOLLE panels
  • Brand new
• Scabbard/sheath for 18" machetes ($5):
  • Fits the standard US military 18" machete
  • Lightly used
• Propper boonie hat (OD green, Size 7)($10):
  • Brand new, no tags. Never gamed.
• Rothco MICH 2000/ACH Helmet Cover (M81 Woodland w/ Velcro)($5):
  • Brand new, no tags. Never gamed. A bit folded from storage
  • Uses C-cell batteries (included). Comes with 4 different coloured lenses. Decent brightness for it's design - it's a classic design dating back to the Vietnam-era. Incredibly long runtime.
  • Excellent condition. Carried in games a few times but never used
• Grappling hook set w/ rope ($20):
  • Comes with the foldable hook, 20m of rope, and a black MOLLE pouch
  • Brand new
• VisionKing Illuminated 10x50 Binoculars ($30):
  • Supposed to illuminate, but I can't find out what battery it uses after the old one ran out and I threw it away. It's like slightly larger than a hearing aid battery?
  • Excellent condition
• Cold Steel Rubber M9 Bayonet ($10):
  • Rubbeplastic construction, fits on the M4 and M16
  • Made in the USA
  • Great for close-in encounters on the field or martial arts training
  • New, just used for wall-hanging decor
• Rothco US-made Nylon paracord (ranger green)($1) SOLD!
  • Made by the same contractor that does some US military stuff
  • I used a bit, don't know how much, but most of it is still there
  • Free if you buy something else from me, just ask!
• United Cutlery Tailwind UC2910 Folding Knife ($15):
  • 2 1/2" 7CR13 stainless steel tanto blade, 6" overall, assisted opening
  • Lightly used, blade is still razor sharp from factory
• SOG Aegis Tanto Folding Knife ($5):
  • Assisted opening
  • Lightly used

Gun parts and airsoft-specific accessories:

• USGI Pistol Lanyard (OD green)($10):
  • Genuine US military issue, meant for the lanyard loop on the bottom of most pistols' grips, also used for the MX-991/U flashlight, M2 compass, etc.
  • Brand new, sealed
• High Ready Gear LiPo 11.1V battery ($20):
  • Mini-Tamiya-wired, 1200 mAh, 20C, Graphene, fits in a buffer tube
  • Brand new, sealed
• Tenergy LiPo 7.4V battery ($20):
  • Mini-Tamiya-wired, 1000 mAh, 20C, definitely fits in a buffer tube and even a Crane stock battery compartment
  • Used, but works great
• 2x Well Fire Airsoft Multi-Function Automatic Target System ($20 each):
  • Great for indoor shooting, has a net for catching BBs, automatically resets targets, roughly the size of a microwave oven
  • Brand new, never taken out of the box - I bought two of these and this was a spare. Willing to sell the other one, too - same condition, just taken out of the box
• NCStar 1911 clamp-on rail ($10):
  • Full metal, fits onto any classic-style 1911 with no rail (i.e. Marui Series 70, M1911A1)
  • Brand new, open box condition. never used. Does NOT fit KWC as the frame is too thick - this is why I never used it.
• Magpul PTS MOE M4 handguard ($20):
  • Drop-in replacement for standard Marui-type M4 AEG handguard w/ delta ring and cap.
  • Comes with 3 plastic rail sections - 2 sides and 1 bottom.
  • Gamed once. Good condition.
• AGM pistol optic rail ($10):
  • Full metal, allows for top, side and bottom rails on pistol - side rail is removable
  • Fits any pistol with bottom RIS rail and any slide height, including Desert Eagle
  • Never gamed, just used for display
• KJ Works M9 metal outer barrel ($5):
  • Full metal. Theoretically should fit any V1 Marui-type M9s/M92s
  • A bit of wear from taking it out of my M9, but still functional.
• E&C MK18 to M4/M4A1 outer barrel extension ($10):
  • Full metal. 14mm negative threading. Turns a standard 10.3" MK18 barrel to the 14.5" M4/M4A1 barrel with a cut for the M203 front mount
  • A bit of wear from mounting an M203, but still functional
• Raven Evolution outer barrel extension pack ($20):
  • Full metal,14mm negative threading, includes a 1", 2", and 3" barrel extension
  • Brand new, sealed
• Element tan grippod ($10):
  • This one, if you get it, you have to slam the legs back up the grip with authority to keep it there like the real thing. Slam it hard. Fits RIS/RAS rails.
  • New, out of package condition. Never gamed.
• A&K KAC-style grip and rail cover panel set ($10):
  • 5 piece set - includes 1x standard vertical foregrip, 2x 11-rib rail cover panels, and 2x 2-rib rail cover panels. Fits RIS/RAS rails
  • Brand new
• Docter-style mini reflex red dot sight (RIS-mounted)($25): SOLD!
  • Comes with a sight cover for storage
  • Brand new, open box condition
• BCM-style vertical grip ($5):
  • Fits RIS/RAS rails , a little ding on the screw from tightening, otherwise excellent condition
• UTG rail cover rubber grip panels ($5):
  • Covers RIS/RAS rails, rubbePVC construction, Made in USA
  • Used condition, needs cleaning, still works just fine. Free if you buy something else from me, just let me know if you want it!
• Element LaRue-licensed 30mm cantilever red dot sight mount($10):
  • Full metal, made for all 30mm tubed sights, specifically the Aimpoint M68 CCO/CompM2, quick-detach mount
  • Lightly used condition, never gamed
• Element QD 30mm magnifier twist mount ($10):
  • Full metal, made for all 30mm tubed sights, specifically the Aimpoint and EOTech type magnifiers, quick-detach
  • Lightly used condition, never gamed

(This was originally posted in Wedding Shaming)
Strap in y’all, it’s a long one and it’s full of bad. Have some kitten videos ready for after!
So let me preface this by saying I am estranged from my mother and have been for most of my life. She is a paranoid narcissist, a racist, a homophobe, a xenophobe, and just all around terrible person. She abused me growing up so I cut loose in high school, got emancipated and got on with my life. For years I had a happy queer relationship with another woman and we had a son together (I carried with a sperm donor). When my kid was 5 his other mom died and I was alone for 5 years before I met someone. A year later, that someone and I got married. Previous to said wedding my husband’s parents felt it would be important to meet my parents. My father died when I was 19 so that left my mother and her husband. I struggled over the decision to try and reconnect with my mom, knowing how bad this can get for me in these situations (I suffer severe ptsd from the abuse trauma).. but it was a wedding and everyone kept telling me it “was important to have family together.” So fine, let’s do this.
The problems started fast and furious. My mom came to our coast (we live on opposite coasts) to meet my fiancé and my son. Right away she was pulling my husband to the corner to tell him all the “dirt” she could on me, or conversely, telling him he better get me nice cars and plastic surgery. Then she stated calling all of her friends and putting my fiancé on the phone to “prove to them that her daughter was marrying a doctor” (even if he is a goy (a Yiddish term for non-Jew. Has slightly derogatory tones).
Cut to lunch and my mother is asking how many tables she “gets” at the wedding. I ask “huh?” She explains she needs a least 5 tables at 10 per table for HER guests. I was really confused. I explained that our whole wedding venue seated 50 people total and those seats were spoken for. I had invited several people my mother asked me to have already. She went absolutely bananas demanding we change venue (we’re now 6 weeks from the wedding) to accommodate HER GUESTS. I painfully explained we can’t do that.. it’s not possible.. just no. She then switches gears like she always does and asks about our honeymoon. We were heading to Mexico for 2 weeks and my son would be staying with his donomyBFF. My mom screamed “what??? He needs to be with HIS FAMILY.” I reminded her that he was staying with family. She demanded time with my son so I half heartedly said she could have him half the time. (This will come back to haunt me later.)
Day of the wedding. Did I mention my mom is a low key alkie? So it’s about 2pm and she’s in the bridal suite in the bathroom. I’m in the dress and the photographer is waiting for my mother to come and use an antique button-holer to button up my gown. I’m nervous and excited and emotional because I’m in the dress and this is my day. This is one of the photos we had pre-planned to take. I asked my mother if she would do the honors. Instead, my mother is in the bathroom half dressed with her fireball and ice screaming into the phone at her husband “you are so stupid, how can you not find it!? I put it on the damn dresser! I can’t f**ing believe I married you…” you get the picture. It’s so loud the guests in the living room can hear it. I finally give up and have my son do the buttonholing for me (the pics were so special). Thank goodness it wasn’t video because you would have her my mother screaming “Can anyone get me another drink?? Does this room even have room service??”
Cut to walking down the aisle. We do the ceremony, it’s perfect, and my delightful friend and officiant announces “Introducing Mr. & Mrs Jon— when suddenly my mom stands up and screams “It’s DOCTOR not MISTER, get it right!”
Now I knew we had a problem on our hands ahead of the big day so I put in some contingency plans in place to buffer her. My wedding planner was under strict instructions to not allow my mother to make a speech (she loves to humiliate me by saying personal things about me to anyone who will listen and then she loves to announce what a terrible daughter I am and how much of a disappointment to her.) Second plan was my SIL faking a heart attack if she got her hands on the mic. About half thru dinner my delightful planner comes to me crying saying she’s so sorry but my mom is demanding to make a speech. That’s right, this tiny demon of a woman made my wedding planner CRY. Right then she stood up (have no idea how she got the mic) and said, “So my daughter didn’t want me to say anything. I guess she gets embarrassed, but I’m her MOTHER, and I get to say whatever I want. I’m here to say that I always knew she was going to marry a doctor, it didn’t surprise me at all. What did surprise me is when I gave birth to her and the nurses told me she was a girl, but I didn’t believe them so I had to take her diaper off and spread her legs and look at her vagina to make sure she was a girl.” She illustrated this by spreading her two fingers open. You could here jaws dropping around the room. She then went on to say “how disappointed she was in me that I don’t see her more often and that she hopes now that I have a doctor husband I’ll be able to see her more frequently”. Sadly my SIL was in the loo and plan 2 failed.
Cut to the dancing. I am dancing with my husband and my friends. We’re all having a good time when somebody comes up to me and taps me on the shoulder and says “hey, I don’t wanna cause a scene or anything but you might want to look at your mom”. I look over at my mother and she has taken off the jacket to her dress and now she’s peeling off the shoulder straps one by one and waving her head around to the music saying “oh my goodness it’s getting so hot in here!” This b*tch was trying to take her clothes off on the dance floor. Oh, I forgot to mention earlier that she had a three drink maximum, but she was getting around this by asking other people to get drinks for her.
The next morning I of course got to hear alllllll the embarrassing stories from the night before. She asked why my friend married “an Arab,” called another guest “not Jewish enough to attend the wedding” and complained to anyone who would listen that I didn’t even allow her 50 guests, and the party would have been so much more fun if she had done it.
And the pièce derésistance? Right as we were leaving for our honeymoon I got a call from her saying “I know you need ME to watch YOUR kid, but not unless you do something for me. You’ll need to call your brother and make nice with him again.” My brother and I are estranged for reasons I can’t get into now. I said no, he’ll go to his real family, the one that cares for him without strings attached.
There you have it! One cluster fluff of a mother story!
For anyone interested, we don’t talk anymore and I couldn’t be happier and I’m still happily married! Good riddance to bad rubbish!
Ok, just a few clarifications for people asking Q’s-
In answer to the question about my in laws- My in laws are the sweetest, kindest people ever. I honestly think they had no idea a human adult could behave like that. I wanted to please them and I didn’t say a whole lot about my mother. I didn’t want them to see her as a red flag for the marriage. They never mentioned her again 😂 which was their way of acknowledging she’s not worth talking about.
For those of you judging me for half heartedly agreeing to let my kid visit my mom-totally get your stress! Don’t worry, she never had contact with my kid alone. For clarity, he was going to spend four days with a safe family where my mother happened to be staying as well. By the end of the weekend it was clear that even that was too close.
For those of you wondering why I would even let her come to the wedding - Some people (like me) relent and reopen because our abusers did a very good job of breaking us and making us question everything we think and believe. So every time some well meaning idiot Said “Aw, you should take to your mom! She’s your mom!” We think “Omg, my mom is right. I’m the worst f**king daughter ever and I’ve been ignoring her all these years and there must be something so wrong with me that I did that.”
Now, after YEARS of therapy and support I know better. Back then I was still pretty deep in my trauma.

I don’t even know where to begin! For starters, myself and Jessica both had to work today and were unable to watch any of the lives that were held. (Thank you to those that have tried to keep me updated so I know what needs to be addressed) Unlike DD, I have priorities that require my attention and because of that, I don’t have the ability to go live for hours on end! I’m going to try my best to hit some bullet points with this post and I’ll be open to answering questions if further clarification is needed. I want to start by saying I DID NOT say that DD has taken thousands of dollars from people! What I said was she was probably not the best person to expose Kerrie when she’s taken money from people herself! Mandy being number 1 and she’s already admitted she’s taken from a couple others! Some of those debts were paid back (not by her) prior to exposing Kerrie so she would feel safe in doing so! Now let’s talk about this $700 that she claims to have said no to me over! First of all, I would have never even mentioned this situation, so she has herself to thank for this! Since this is a situation that involves dry begging, we can refer to this as example #1 of why her and Kerrie are much alike! 😉 DD repeatedly told myself and Jessica that she didn’t know what she was going to do because she “didn’t realize” that her tabs, inspection etc on her car had expired and she would need around $700 to get it legal again. I am not a rich woman! Who would be with a family as large as mine? But my dad had just passed away and I was left a “rainy day fund”. After seeing her stress over her car and knowing she was waiting on child support to go thru, I DID offer to lend her the money! Initially DD said no and we discussed other options for her to handle it. A day or 2 later, she privately called me without Jessica (most of the time it was all 3 of us) and mentioned that she may need to take me up on the offer and I told her the offer still stands and to let me know because I do not use the apps for money and I’d have to have one of my adult children send it for me when they returned home from work. Later that day, “God was good” and her child support cleared! Problem solved! (I will mention here that days later Jessica and I were confused when she said her mom and sister helped) but either way, she figured it out and didn’t require my help! Point in even explaining all of this is she likes to paint herself in a light where she is holier than thou and would never take from anyone!! 🙄
Next.. the wardrobe! On no planet did I ever offer to buy her a wardrobe! Like most mornings, myself, DD and Jess were on the phone! We were discussing the trip that they would be going on together in April. Jessica was talking about outfits she had gotten herself for the trip and texting us pics while we were talking. I felt bad for DD who I knew couldn’t afford to do the same, so I text her and said “pick a few outfits off Shein, send me screenshots and sizes and I’ll order them for you” I also put “shhhh” because no one needed to know that she didn’t get them for herself! Her response was not NO! It was “ok once I get home! Thank you Christine!” She immediately mentioned it on the phone call and I told her she didn’t have to. Her response was that she didn’t care if Jessica knew. At that point, all 3 of us were on SHEIN and sending pics in text of options for DD. (See how her story holds only partial truths?) I can also provide screenshots of this if necessary! Now in the end, nothing was ever ordered because she never officially told me exactly what she wanted and our friendship ended before I was able to fulfill the offer. Her part of that trip was also canceled due to Jess walking away when I did! Mikey and the homeless mission… the plan was Mikey was taking a train to somewhere in NY and DD was driving an hour to go pick him up from there! Morning of, DD texts Jessica and I and asks for $50 from each of us! We both said NO! I made mention of how expensive it would be, asked why she was no longer getting him, and couldn’t understand why Mikey needed money when he had previously been offering to help others get there! (All in texts 😉) The story seemed sketchy and I privately told Jess I would reach out to Mikey to verify. Mikey DID verify that there was an issue with the bus or train (I’m not familiar with transportation in the NY area) and he did verify that DD sent him $200. Jessica and I had both spent ALOT of money on the mission itself already and were not willing or able to contribute more, especially for something that wasn’t 100% necessary for it to be a success… though Mikey turned out to be an asset that day! I will add that I had no idea she received “blessings” from 2 people that were present and if my math is correct, she would have ended up with $250 from it. $100 from each of the 2 people and another $50 from someone who wasn’t there! 🤷‍♀️ (just going off what she said in her rambling) The PIZZA!! 🤣🤣 did I ask Luci (who’s name I promised I wouldn’t mention but DD did) if she gave her money for the pizza? Yes I did! Not so I could be like her and mention it publicly (in fact I told Luci I wasn’t going to) I only asked because that was sent by someone for me and DD went out of her way to talk shit on Luci and her wife to Jess and I and how they didn’t even offer to help pay for it! We were taken back by that because why should she care when she didn’t spend a dime on it? Weird right? It made Jess and I wonder all this time if they did in fact pitch in and DD kept the money.. I was happy to learn that they did offer but DD declined! Please take note that the biggest issue here was DD repeatedly complaining about Luci and her wife when they were there busting their ass to help with the homeless stuff!
** if you haven’t picked up on it yet, there were lots of little instances where we began to question her character**
Now to the Mandy business… I’m not here to speak for Mandy or be her mouthpiece! Mandy is NOT the reason that DD and I are no longer friends! DD was well aware of the fact that Mandy and I talk. In fact, she was the one that would run to me to go fix things with Mandy for her! I became quite the mediatocounselor between the 2 of them and was CONSTANTLY telling DD that she needed to make up her mind and quit stringing her along if she didn’t want a relationship of any kind! Twice I asked DD if she’s ever outright told Mandy that she only wanted to be her friend and nothing more.. her loud response was “she should know that” to which I replied “it’s a yes or no question. Maybe that’s what I need to talk to Mandy about” and she shut the idea down very quickly by saying it would send Mandy in to an anxiety attack and “she knows her better than anyone” here’s one of those moments that make you go hmmmm 🤔
My thumbs hurt at this point and my kid has a band concert in 45 mins so I’ll stop here for now! Please feel free to ask questions or bring my attention to anything else that she’s said about me that needs to be addressed!

So this was in November 2023 and due to my wack ass immune system, I (15M) had gotten myself extremely sick to the point where I was vomiting almost every time I'd eat. And my body has a way of cascading things like this, so I it was no surprise when I started sickling.
I'm laying in bed, nauseous and in pain, just praying for the oxy to kick in so I can fall asleep and not deal with this hell anymore when this sharp pain starts stabbing me in my chest and I feel like I'm literally DYING. This pain I was feeling in that moment was worse than any sickle cell crisis I've ever had and I just assumed the jig was up and organ failure was imminent.
I couldn't get up from where I was laying (my mom's bed) because of the severe pain so I'm just crying so loudly and my mom wakes up annoyed and tells me to lay on my back and go back to bed but as i shift over a wave of nausea crashes over me and i begin vomiting all over my mom and her bed (woops).
Fully awake and freaking out by this point my mom picks up her phone and dials 911 for an ambulance to get me and I'm just crying like a little baby now in a pile of my own bile (too scared to eat anything because I didn't wanna barf) praying for the ambulance to get here. And after what only felt like 5 minutes, my mom runs to the front door to open it for the paramedics who lay me onto the stretcher and give me this drug I'm in too much pain to notice.
And then it calms me down. A lot. So much so that it feels like whenever I breathe, I'm breathing out all the air in my lungs and taking my first breath again like I've just been born. I vaguely feel the pain in my chest but my mind is so empty I cant even bother to think about it. I take a few deep blinks and then wake up in the ER with my mom sleeping in the chair beside my bed.
After this, it becomes a cycle of them giving me medicine, the pain subsides somewhat, and then the medicine wears off and my chest feels like it's getting knifed by a million UK roadmen. They start me off with morphine, and that doesn't do the job like it usually does, so then they give me Dilaudid AND morphine, and still yet I feel like the end is near. So they decide to pull out the big guns that worked on me when I was in the ambulance. Fentanyl.
Initially I was very skeptic and lowkey refusing treatment because of the stigma around it and the doctors reassured me over and over that it was safe and I had been given it before and blah blah blah even though these were the same doctors that would ask me how long I've had sickle cell for. But I was in so much pain that I just gave up and gave in and gave them the a-ok because their nagging was just too much.
They set me up with this little green button thing attached to my IV, that would allow me to press it whenever I felt severe and constant pain but would not allow me to exceed the "maximum dosage" they had put in place for my body. And to be completely honest this little button scared me at first. The entirety of my night nurses shift I didn't press the button once and just writhed there in the cold hospital bed because I'd rather die than willingly administer my own fentanyl.
But I wouldn't even be typing this story if I simply just hadn't pressed the button for the entire duration of my stay. It was now day 3 in the hospital and I hadn't got a single wink of sleep in the past 32 hours so I decided to press the button. It didn't hit me like it had in the ambulance, but when i tell you i relaxed, i RELAXED. I was finally able to shut my eyes and go to bed and stop myself from shaking my leg (self soothing thing I do when in pain). I woke back up to my nurse doing my 8 hour check up and for some reason, she was still bringing me morphine and Dilaudid despite me having the fentanyl push button thingy, but I was so out of it I just took the medicine so I could go back to sleep. It became I cycle of me pushing the button, falling asleep, being woken up to take additional opiates i did NOT need, then going back to bed, until early on day 5 in the hospital, my friends from school came to visit me. So obviously I try to be a good host and not to fall asleep despite me having pushed my button already for more fent (clearly addicted but oblivious because of this phantom pain my body is forcing me to experience) and coincidentally as my friends are still here, my nurse comes in for the 8 hour check up and gives me the Dilaudid and morphine again. I take the medicine and I look down at my green button because I'm not sure i've been awake this long in days and I see its glowing again so I press it.
bad idea.
I'm talking to my friends but something seems off, their voices seem so far away and there is black dots clouding my vision, I of course am so out of it that I somehow don't see any issue with these two things until I realized I hadn't said a word in like 2 minutes. Matter of fact, I hadn't even spoken for 2 minutes. My eyes go wide because I can feel my vision fading, but for some odd reason it was all black except a tiny pinhole in the center of my vision. I hear this faraway annoying beeping that I realize is the pulse-ox thing going kookoo bananas because I haven't breathed in so long and I see shapes moving around and my friends running to the hallway to get me help and all I can focus on is "If I'm not breathing, why doesn't it hurt?"
The nurses rush in and can clearly tell I'm overdosing so they put an oxygen mask over my head and say "Can somebody give him some Narcan?" and I'm laying here spectating what's going on to my own body from inside of my head wondering "I wonder what narcan is"
WELL I SURE KNOW NOW
The nurses push the Narcan in through my oxygen mask and I can suddenly hear everything perfectly. I say "woah" and then my entire body gets a flash of heat all over so I jolt up and say "WOAH" again and I look to the left to see like 6 nurses with 3 of them doing something with my arm that I obviously just messed up. But then the heat is gone, replaced by this freezing cold feeling all over and INSIDE my body. I can feel every one of my organs touching each other and they all feel cold and I just feel nauseous. By this point i was just in agony. It wasn't like any pain I've ever felt before I felt like not only was I gonna die, but it was gonna be painful and I'd feel each individual organ dying from inside my body because of how hypersensitive I was to everything around me. I could feel the scratchy hospital blanket and the way the grip of the hospital sock felt against the bed and it was all just too much for me and my head cocked straight up and i began vomiting so much liquid it was scary to watch. Feeling each chunk of food run down my throat was a sensory nightmare and it caused me to KEEP VOMITING and every time I'd move one of my limbs, it would completely jerk itself all the way to a full extended position which would shake my body and all my senses would be on fire and I'd cock my head back and continue vomiting. This was a pediatric hospital so the nurses had never dealt with anything this severe before so they were all just freaking out because I was actually tweaking so hard and I had knocked over everything they had put on my bed to help me. In addition to all this mess, I'd torn out my IV and started bleeding all over the sheets and the smell of barf mixed with blood was just such a strong smell I had continued barfing onto myself. My entire being felt cold inside and out so I was trying profusely to wrap myself in a cocoon but the nurses were so fixated on my blanket being covered in vomit and me like "contaminating myself" but I did not give a single fuck bro I was in so much pain and was so cold the only thought on my mind was the fetal position, and a cocoon. two nurses jammed those tubes that they have at the dentists office to suck your saliva down my throat so I didn't continue choking on my vomit, while the other 4 removed the fitted sheet from the bed trying their best not to interfere with my tweakage.
After they removed the sheet I had laid down and then I felt my organs shift in my body so I began vomiting again because anytime I sensed a new sensation, the big kahuna of nausea would hit me. I threw up onto the plasticky cover that goes over the mattress of the hospital bed but at this point there was only like so much left to throw up so a nurse wiped it away with an alcohol wipe. And the SMELL of that wipe gave me such sensory overload that I began crying to the point of basically screaming. As I shut my eyes really hard praying I'd fall asleep and escape the pain and coldness of my insides.
And the weird thing about all this is, I was there the whole time, y'know? Like I felt perfectly conscious throughout the entire process of being Narc'ed. I had no control over my body and anything I did, it just felt instinctual and had no thought behind it, but I was still actively thinking throughout all of it. I felt shame, embarresement, surprise, all like I was watching a movie. Except it was one of those 4D movie theaters where you can feel whatever is happening on screen, but not control it.
Eventually sleep overcame me and I woke up in the ICU with like 40 million wires attached to me a heating pack over my belly, and these bags around my legs that would inflate and deflate over and over. And all I could think in my head, was thank GOD it was over.
I had ended up getting myself a bone eating staph infection because some of my vomit got into the IV hole I'd torn out (I see why there were trying to take the blanket off) and ended up having to stay in the hospital for 10 more days so they could give me heavy antibiotics,, and had to do an additional 5 days at home self administering the medicine through a PIC line that went all the way from my wrist into my heart (it was so gross because they kept me awake while they removed it and it felt so weird).
A few weeks later the hospital called us back and apologized but they were using so much avoidant language and deflecting blame off of themselves so hard that it was pathetic to watch. Like you gave a 15 year old kid fentanyl through a SELF REGULATED SYSTEM and didn't expect the worst? Especially since I was being given Dilaudid and morphine on top of the fent? Get out my face with that smh.