24th: Colby Donaldson 3.0 (Heroes Vs Villains - 5th)

\"So when the time was right, I made one more attempt\"
u/SMC0629:
Colby 3.0 is my favorite of his three iterations, and it has nothing to do with my opinion on Australia. The absolute deconstruction of Colby's abilities and spirit is somehow made into one of the most funny, mind-boggling, and emotional stories the show has given us. It all comes together with that final confessional, one of the best ever in the show, which proves to us that no matter what, he'll always keep fighting. Very deserved endgame for Colby 3.0.
~
u/DryBonesKing:
There… is a little bad blood for me internally about Colby 3.0 making Endgame. One, I am stunned that this group let Colby 3.0 outlast 1.0. I can’t believe Colby 1.0 got cut twice (since I ended up wasting an idol on the first attempt) before Colby 3.0. I find that borderline sinful lmfao. And two, I’m just annoyed that HvV ended up getting any representation in the Endgame. I really did not want this overrated season getting any representation and after focusing most of my concerns on someone like Sandra 2.0 or Parvati 3.0 or Rupert 3.0… I find out that I really messed up and that there were apparently Colby 3.0 stans here that actually wanted this Endgame. Whelp
Most of my issues though are meta-related, though. Colby 3.0 and Jerri 3.0 are the best parts of Heroes vs. Villains and the conclusion to their three-season story arc, even though it was diluted by Russell stealing away a decent chunk of their screentime, I do think what we did get to see was beautiful, from their cute little “Hey Colby” Interaction in that one reward challenge leading up to the finale with Jerri being visibly distraught about having to vote out Colby. It’s amazing stuff!
Colby 3.0 also does have the best storyline of the season, with being able to see how Survivor’s first “Hero” failed to live up to his own legacy, and sorta wallow in his own depression as a result of everything. There is a melancholy-air to Colby’s character, from watching him get his ass kicked in challenges to seeing him be an afterthought in strategies to even seeing him be part of one of the pettiest “family visit” scenes of all time when he just repeatedly fights with his brother Reid. And then obviously, there’s Colby’s final confessional, which I think is probably in contention for best confessional of all time. I don’t think there’s ever been a character’s returning appearance that feels anything like Colby 3.0, and that does make him really special. All things considered, I do have him ranked highly and I’m actually thrilled he topped Heroes vs. Villain’s rankings. I did want him to succeed and make Top 50. I just… wish he didn’t make Endgame. But meh
Overall Rank – 120/821
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u/Zanthosus:
I’m going to be completely honest. This is the biggest WTF in our endgame to me. I might like Jane less overall, but I can understand why someone would have her in or around their endgame. Colby 3.0 though? I just don’t get it. I’m sure ninjedi will do a great job explaining it though. Also, it is kinda hilarious to me that the first non-Sandra HvV rep to get in is Colby of all people. Not Jerri. Not Parvati. Not Coach. Not even J.T. Colby. That’s just a hilarious legacy for this rankdown to have if I’m being honest.
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u/Tommyroxs45:
Colby’s legacy in Heroes vs. Villains is unmatched, he’s Superman in a fat suit however you still see the desire for Superman. Him being the last hero remaining is so poetic and it makes him have one of the best confessionals of all time. Sad that he’s only the HvV rep as this season is literal perfection but I’m glad at least 1 person made it.
~
u/Regnisyak1:
From hero to zero to hero again, Colby 3.0 is truly an encapsulation of Heroes vs Villains' main themes about the blurring of lines between the two roles on Survivor, and how one does not fully exist in society. I love Colby 1.0, so I would have loved to see him here over 3.0, but Colby’s single confessional with the long pause in the finale of HvV warrants his position. Plus his not budging on an old-school game really sold his charm. Come on, Reed!
Personal Rank: 61/821. 9/10.
~
u/DavidW1208 will not be providing blurbs nor writeups for this endgame phase, however, his valuable contributions to this rankdown will be honored and acknowledged as we are taking his endgame rankings into full equal account for results. Much love David!! <3
~~~~~
u/ninjedi1:
Colby Donaldson 3.0 (5th Place, Heroes VS Villains)
When people talk about the OG Era of survivor or whatever we’re calling the first 40 seasons before New Era, people split the seasons into old school and new school, with Old School ending at season 20, Heroes VS Villains (which I personally disagree with, cause I feel like Nicaragua is the last old school season, but that’s a different conversation). Heroes VS Villains as the last of the “old school” season is meant to be a last hurrah as a number of early season players compete with more recent strategy savvy players from the newer seasons before the show truly made its transition from a social experiment to a game. And to me, no one truly represents that transition from old to new school, or better yet, represents the death of old school survivor than Colby Donaldson 3.0.
Everyone who’s watched Survivor long enough knows who Colby Donaldson is. He was the great American Texan who was a challenge beast and wanted to make sure that good people made it to the end, going up against Tina who was more deserving in his eyes over the easy beat Keith at the finale of AO. Then he made his return in Allstars where he would unfortunately but voted out fairly early on, but would come out of that season looking not that bad in comparison to a good number of other people! In the eyes of the viewing audience, he was still the great American hero, so it wasn’t surprising that the original survivor hero would return for Heroes VS Villains. Colby himself even talks about how its been a decade since he’s played the game, and he was ready to see if he still got it, and Jeff even sings his praises at the start of the game talking about how people were naming their kids after him. However, despite the hero returning to the coliseum to compete again, time would not be kind to him, as Colby would end up losing strength during the very first challenge, and would be dragged to the villains mat, losing a point for the heroes. A foreshadow of what Colby’s game was about to become.
However, it wasn’t all bad, as the heroes still win the challenge, and while Colby is aware about how rusty he is, he’s still having fun! However, that would quickly change as the days go on. He realizes that he needs to get into the rhythm of the game, and it was going to be miserable. He doesn’t have a clue about all the different connections and pregamed alliances when talking to Candace, leaving him out of the loop. He also gets annoyed with Sugar, who keeps trying to flirt with him and follow him around, which greatly annoys him. He would end up getting pulled into an alliance with Tom, JT, and Stephenie, and while they would all vote out Sugar at the very first tribal, everything goes wrong as JT would flip on the alliance, and after a fight with James during tribal where James yells at Steph and Colby defends her, Stephenie would get voted out in the second tribal. After that, Colby reflects a bit, talking to Tom about if the game at that point was for him, as he felt like he didn’t want to be a part of it. However, even though Colby was struggling with how the game was now, that fire that old school Colby had was still in there, as he was able to score a point against the Villain’s leader, Boston Rob, helping give the Heroes their first immunity win.
Colby would still struggle with the game, as he would ultimately be forced to take a backseat as Tom would lead the charge for them to get a bit farther, mainly using an idol he found to blindside Cirie as the heroes continued to downward spiral. This would actually help him in the game for a bit as Tom would be considered a bigger threat than him, and would be spared at the very next tribal. However, he was definitely next to go on his six person tribe, being the one on the outside of the 5 person alliance, and he needed a miracle to survive. However, that wouldn’t come, as both tribes would be going to tribal, so they were competing for individual immunity, and Colby performed terribly at it. At that point, he saw the writing on the wall and decided to just throw in the towel, telling his team that he knows he gone and they should have a relaxing day. However, James was injured, and the other members of the heroes feel like they need to keep Colby around as he would be better at challenges in the future, sparing Colby much to his surprise.
Colby is fully aware that there’s pressure on him to win the challenges for the heroes, and that its time to put up or shut up. Knowing that he was carrying the weight of the whole team seems to ignite something inside him. The old Colby Donaldson, the great american hero, had returned, and Colby would carry the heroes to victory at the next immunity challenge. In fact, he would be key in ensuring that the heroes wouldn’t lose the next three immunity challenges. It seemed that Colby was finally back into the game, and with the merge right there, it was time for olby, with the rest of the heroes, to lead the charge. However, that old school mentality of sticking together would fall apart at the merge with the new school strategy. The Heroes gave Russell an idol to save him, and Russell would use that generosity to give it to Parvati, who would use that and another idol to save Jerri and Sandra, sending JT home. Then when the heroes tried to rally together with Sandra, Candace would flip, getting Amanda out and leaving Colby and fellow hero Rupert to die. However, in their darkest hour, is where Colby would make a heroic move.
Since only Colby and Rupert were left, it was obvious that the villains would split their vote. Colby then realized that they might try to split their votes between them and Candace. Decided to avenge their fallen comrade Amanda, Colby pitches the idea of instead throwing away their vote to a villain, him and Rupert would instead cast their vote on the turncoat Candace, as if they split their vote on her, the vote would become a 5-3 vote and save them. The one moment of true strategic content from Colby would be a huge success, as it saved the two remaining true heroes and got rid of someone they knew they couldn’t trusted. This would work great for Colby as Russell would then work with him and Rupert to get Danielle, and suddenly the chance for a hero victory didn’t seem so out of reach now. However, Rupert would be the next to go, leaving Colby as the last hero standing by the time the finale rolls around.
Its fitting that Colby, the original hero, would end up being the last hero standing. Despite never getting a real foothold or truly understanding how the game now works, he was able to come so close to the end, and he just had to make it to the final 3 to win it. However, he loses F5 immunity to Parvati, and it looked like his game was done. In a sense of dejavu, we get another speech where he talks about how he knows he’s out, and they should all just have a relaxing afternoon. However, this time, we get a confessional talking about his speech, and how he almost believed it himself. But he’s never quit and anything and he won’t now. And then he just.. stays silent…lost in thought. Its genuinely one of my favorite confessionals in all of survivor, it just has so much emotional impact. We get that confident Colby that we’re so used to seeing for AO, and then just that long silence, as he contemplates the reality of his situation, maybe even coming to terms with it, before returning back to the Colby we’ve seen all season with one final line, “So when the time was right, I made one more attempt”. Colby’s last pitch is to Russell, saying that he’s much more likely to beat Parvati at F4 than Sandra. At this point though, Colby knows he’s done, as he talks about how this was the toughest season for him, and was the toughest journey to even get to that point, and in his final words, he calls himself an old dusty veteran, and that he just isn’t destined to win this game. With Colby voted out, the last true essence of old school survivor was gone, leaving in its wake a new school style to take hold.
~~~
SMC0629: 22
DryBonesKing: 20
Zanthosus: 23
Tommyroxs45: 23
Regnisyak1: 19
DavidW1208: 13
ninjedi1: 17
Average Placement: 19.571
Total Points: 137
Standard Deviation: 3.645 (3rd Lowest)

Hey y’all! I’m a female in her mid 20s looking for a writer of any gender around the same age to partner up with. I’m based in Mountain Time in the US, but I really don’t mind your timezone. As long as we have some sort of overlap, we’ll be golden.
While I don’t mind who’s on the other side of the screen, I am only interested in writing FxM and FxF stories at this time. Something I really value in my partner is the feeling of excitement, especially when planning and plotting. If you’re too eager to jump into something immediately with no preparation at all, I’m not a suitable partner! I’d love to talk deeply with someone to brainstorm something equally satisfying so that we can build a story that’s sustainable.
I’ve been writing on and off for about ten years now. I can write in either POV and typically write anywhere from one to five paragraphs depending on what the story needs. I tend to match my partner’s length but definitely prefer responses on the longer end. I tend to write openly and freely, so I will sometimes mix up present and past tense. I’m not a huge stickler on grammar, just please have good spelling at least.
Circling back to the title, I’d absolutely love to write some relaxing slice of life with someone! Right now, I’m looking to play a pair of coed best friends who are super cute and wholesome with each other. Maybe they’re naturally flirtatious, but the pressure of a formal romance just doesn’t exist. I’d love to see these two characters go on adventures with each other, support one another through drama, and cuddle in each other’s arms without ulterior motives. Maybe there’s a push and pull between them when it comes to romantic elements, but I don’t necessarily want a romantic end game. Instead of romance being the driving plot, perhaps the story is more about our characters and their hobbies/interests/careers, etc. We can go really wild with how our two characters know each other exactly, let's live a little larger than life!
I have an original character created for this story, and I’d love to play against your original character. If we chat, I can absolutely share my character with you so you can get an idea of the effort I’m looking for in return when it comes to character building. It’s nothing crazy or heavy at all, I just don’t want to write against someone who can only provide a basic physical description and nothing else. I need to know your characters' likes, dislikes, quirks, backstory, etc.
I sincerely hope that I don't sound super needy or uptight in this request! I'm pretty easygoing, love to talk out of character, and genuinely want to get along with my writing partners and have a great time. I just want to refrain from wasting my time or yours, and I hope that the things I'm asking for resonate with someone else.
If you’re interested in writing this plot with me, please start a chat with me or send me a message letting me know why you’re interested in this plot and your favorite color so that I know you read this entirely. Hope to hear from ya soon! ✰

First of all, I’d like to preface this story with a piece I wrote in my journal 2 months ago while still in my relationship.
Here it is:
I’m almost 30M, and wonder how you would deal with this situation?
Backstory: I didn’t have my first girlfriend or even sex until age 20. I was very sheltered when I was younger and shy. I also moved several times so never got the chance to meet girls from social circles. I had almost a 2 year long distance relationship from age 20-22 (seeing each other in person only a few times a year). Well that didn’t work out and it devastated me. I did truly love that girl and she was also my first so it took 3 years to get over.
In that time following the relationship, I slept with more than 10 people, gained experience, and eventually found another girlfriend in person at age 25. That ended at age 26, but was off and on until age 27. It ended for good reason, because it was a tumultuous relationship with a lot of fun, but also arguments. She was super attractive which made it hard to let her go even though I knew it had to be done.
Following that relationship, I yet again worked on myself, dated and slept around, and eventually met my current girlfriend midway through age 28. It was one of those situations where you start out just hanging out and eventually see each other every week… then the question of “what are we happens”… I went along with it even though my eyes were still peeled.
Well now, I’m almost 30, a few months away and I’m scared. A part of me feels like I missed a part of my youth and I’ll never find that stunner I’ve always looked for. Being sheltered all my life and not meeting anyone via social circle messes with me emotionally. I’ve dated beautiful woman, but it’s not like I can change time and go back to 25 again and date around 20 year olds… right?
I also moved to a completely different state and started a new life 2 years ago. But every day I think about my last relationship and the life I used to live in that state. “The good old days” I like to say. I have a new life now and good situation, but a part of me feels lost.
That’s what I wrote back in March. I knew I had a good situation, a very stable relationship and job, but I almost felt like I was still unfulfilled. Mostly because I never really experienced the kind of girls that truly interest me I guess? I hate to sound superficial, but if you read below it will make further sense. It wasn’t all about looks. While she was nice and sweet, she was rather boring and didn’t banter with me.
So fast forward the story to today, my recent ex broke up with me a few weeks ago. We had been dating about a year and a half.
I met her about a year and a half after that toxic relationship to a really manipulative, yet attractive girl I talked about above. This new relationship was the complete opposite, almost to the point of being cringey. She was really loving but it was almost overwhelming. She also was not as atractive as my last gf in terms of looks. Not unattractive by any means, but I certainly didn’t feel super proud walking around with her or introducing her to people. For much of the early part of meeting this new girl, I did still constantly think of the toxic ex and compare, but I was ready for something new and thought I was so far removed from the last relationship - I went along with it.
Anyway, Eventually she asked if I would be her bf at about the 3 month point after meeting. At first I was apprehensive of the idea because I wasn’t sure about committing and if I wanted to keep “searching.” I got to the point that I was done with hunting as I had tried tirelessly to find someone for over a year. She was a great girl but I wasn’t sold on a full on relationship. Instead of being excited to be official like I was in past relationships, with her I was hoping for more a fwb situation like it was the first 3 months. But I decided to go along with it. I told her I still wanted to be able to approach or work on social skills with other girls even if just plutonicly. I didn’t do that and did commit. Fast forward another several months and the I love you statement came up. I wasn’t entirely sure about how I felt but I again went along with it, even though I didn’t actually feel it at at the time.
This gf was a very loving, loyal, committed gf, and did anything for me. Unfortunately I didn’t really find her incredibly magnetizing. She was cute, but not crazy attractive in my eye. Like I mentioned above, I didn’t feel that proud feeling when going out.
I found that taking pictures with her also made me unsure. The first couple weeks of hanging out we never took pics. And then I took a picture with her and looked at it and was repulsed. When she would send me pictures of her with with her family, I didn’t like what she sent. Maybe she’s just not photogenic and actually good in person, but whenever she would send me a photo or FaceTime me I’d get turned off.
Also, the fact that she was so wholesome, it didn’t allow for much banter. Conversations were mostly plutonic, where I’m more of the sarcastic type.
She always wanted to pull out the calendar and schedule plans months in advance every week, even after telling her I prefered being spontaneous. She did all of these crazy google calendar overlays and I felt like I was always being sucked into things I didn’t want to do. She became more clingy than I had realized when I first met her. She asked me about 3 months ago, if we could spend not just weekends together, but also Wednesday nights. (We lived just over an hour apart). I suggested it could be every other week (the opposite)…I didn’t like going to her place because of the road noise where she lived and I would really only see her when she would visit me. I know, all of this sounds really one sided and like I’m an asshole. But I was very loving to her in person and she knows that, hence why it lasted so long.
Unfortunately a lot of things she did turned me off. She was too readily available, always trying to lock up my calendar, talk about marriage and kids in the next 3-5 years and I felt trapped. I was unsure.
We had great sex but it wasn’t crazy passionate, neither was our kissing. When alone, and was feeling aroused, I generally didn’t think of my ex. I constantly found myself checking out other girls places I went (but never talked to them). I felt like wow I wish that was the kind of girl I was with.
It wasn’t all bad though. The sex was phenomenal in terms of the movements. She made $100k plus which is phenomenal for someone at 24, but also had over $100k in student loans. With her wanting to get married within 5 years, I considered those loans as a big issue. She was super loving and would have been a great mother.
In the end she left me. She said we weren’t compatible. I have been a wreck and now I’m wishing I had her. Maybe not for the right reasons though?
I’m trying to figure out why if I wanted to end things myself and that I felt trapped for so long, how come all of a sudden I want her back? Is it just the void of not having someone loyal who’s there for me? The loss of a potential good wife and mother? Who can make plans and bake me things? The fear of not meeting someone as smart? She’s already talking to other guys and I’m just a wreck and need some advice. I can’t go an hour without thinking of her. I think I need to rewire the way I am thinking. I can’t stop thinking that maybe I made a mistake and should have put in more effort, but I feel like if I truly loved/had that spark for her I would have tried more all along. I would have been excited to make plans with her instead of going a week at a time seeing her. Now all I want to do is see her. Should I have stayed in it and worked harder? Are my standards too high? I feel like my first ex and my recent one were so polar opposite. One had the looks and I thought of her when thinking of sex but was toxic and the other was sweet but not as attractive. It even got to the point that to feel emotion, I had to finish inside her. Which did help.
At the time of the breakup, I tried very hard to tell her how I was looking forward to making a fun summer filled with plans together. Just 2 weeks prior she was about it. Now nothing. It’s been total silence on the other end for weeks. I know she loved me more than any guy.
Do you think this was a good thing this happened? How do I rewrire my brain? She was my only friend. This was a relationship that I went into going through the motions, and even a couple weeks before we broke up I wrote that journal entry / question that I shared above. What is going on?

I (27M) have been with my bf (28M) for coming up on three years in July. We were long distance for the first year, he moved to my city and we lived separately for a time, and have now lived together for about a year.
Over the past few months, without realizing it, I've started to fall out of love with him. I have now spent the last month contemplating if I should try and work things out, or if the relationship has run its course and we should break up.
The main reason for this issue is intimacy. Due to his previous tramas, he has a lot of trouble initiating anything. I can count on one hand how many times he has in the three years. But I have also been having trouble, as over the past few years I've gained a bit of weight, and it has severely effected my self image and confidence. This has also made me feel gross about my body and not want to do anything with it. His lack of affection towards me has only worsened this problem. I have had many conversations over the years, telling him how his lack of affection has had a major effect on my own confidence and image. He then will initiate once in the following day or two, then it goes right back to normal. During these conversations I have acknowledged it is not a one sided issue, and that I am to blame as well. But I've just been reaching a breaking point with it.
This does not only apply to bedroom intimacy. I am the one cuddling him, I am the one who puts my hand on his leg while driving, etc. It's the small things that I do, that he never does, that also weigh heavily on me.
Another issue, which I think is a stupid reason, but nonetheless has eaten away at me for some time. That reason being FOMO. Before moving in with my bf I lived with my family. I am extremely close to my family, i love them to death, and i would not have it any other way. I had stayed living at home due to being in university, and then stayed after until I was comfortable enough to move out. But I moved from my parents house straight into my bf's place. I have never once lived on my own. When living at home my parents were a bit strict, always needing to know where I was at all times. They have definitely loosened up a bit with my younger siblings, but being the oldest I got the brunt of their strictness. The idea and desire to be independent and on my own has taken up a lot of space in my thoughts over the past few months. I am now in a financial position where I can do that and live comfortably, and I think about it constantly.
I feel as though I have not had the opportunity to find out who I am as an individual person. I have only been part of a unit, without the freedom to discover.
There is also the side of me that keeps saying to myself that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. That maybe I will never find a partner that I can be as compatible or attracted to as I once was with him.
While there are other small issues that have arrisen, these two are the biggest in my mind and causing me the most grief. It's come to a point with my bf that what I once thought were cute mannerisms I now find annoying. I have trouble staying positive and happy around him, because when I look at him, my mind immediately goes to wishing he would just break up with me to make this all easier.
I feel like a complete asshole for having these thoughts, and it's extremely unfair to him. But there is part of me that is holding out hope. That maybe this is a phase and I'll get over it. That if I can just get over these feelings, it can go back to what it was a year ago and I won't have to tell him anything.
He sacrificed to move to live with me in my city. And now that he is here, my family loves him so much, and my friends love him, and his friends love me. I can be a people pleaser, and it causes me stress knowing other people have negative opinions of me, or that I have inconvenienced or made someone upset. These are also reasons I have yet to end things. I would have trouble facing those people that I know love him too, that I have removed him from their life.
These is also a part of me that worries what he will do to himself if I break up with him. I don't want him to harm himself in any way.
Over the years I have brought up all these points separately, and he is aware these are things I have trouble with. But they all seem to be now converging in my mind at once, and I am having a lot of trouble.
I do have therapy scheduled for June. I won't be making and rash decisions or anything until that is done. But i also understand that it is unfair and mean to leave my bf like this without having some sort of discussion on my feelings. I don't have many friends that I can talk about these kinds of issues with and I really needed to get this off my chest, so I appreciate all those who read through my story.
TL:DR. I have fallen out of love with my bf due to intimacy issues and FOMO, and I'm unsure if the relationship is salvageable.

I've read countless posts asking, "Why isn't the world paying attention to us?"
We've just had the world's largest LC + MECFS conference to date, and the US news outlets have given us ZERO COVERAGE as far as I can see? Can anyone share anything they've seen out there?
I only see a few German articles (see below - well worth reading).I reached out to one of the event organizers and he confirmed that he has no knowledge of US coverage of the event.
Will you join me in sending a quick message to your favorite news outlets or any of those listed below, asking why we need to read about this story via google translate from OUS news sources?
This conference featured many prominent US researchers! It was an international event attended by thousands! I've already begun to write my letters.- I'll post my progress in comments - Please join me and comment below!
We know that our power is in our numbers, so if your message is brief or less sophisticated than you'd like, IT MATTERS MOST THAT YOU WRITE!
I'd like to share with you some details that I'm including in my messages. Please speak from your own heart and mind expressing your desire to read about this important event and others like it. Maybe the news story is that this conference took place and it isn't being adequately reported??Here are some highlights from my messages:

• I was eager to read coverage of last week's international conference on Long Covid and MECFS, and feel shocked to find it only being covered by European sources that I need to translate with my web browser. Where is the US coverage?
  
• This conference featured a heavy presence of prominent US researchers (see names listed on https://unitetofight2024.world if you'd like to list any in your message).
  
• To date there is no cure for Long Covid or MECFS and it is one of the most debilitating diseases one can experience. The highest disease burden is borne by those in the prime of their life who were otherwise healthy and now have no hope for their future.
  
• The origin of this event was a reaction to a twitter user named Lauren who said her public goodbyes and ended her life after suffering with Long Covid and with no end in sight.
  
• Suicide is a leading cause of death for those suffering from MECFS and Long Covid.
  
• Conference organizers were LC patients who saw Lauren's posts on twitter and her plea to tell the world what is happening.
  
• Unite to Fight 2024 was organized in just a few months on a shoestring-crowdfunded budget and over 10,000 people attended online with over 40 speakers and 20 hours of content over two days (May 15-16, 2024).
  

Unite to Fight website:https://unitetofight2024.world
Three German Articles (use your browser or Google Translate if needed)
.https://www.manager-magazin.de/lifestyle/long-covid-konferenz-wir-muessen-uns-endlich-eingestehen-wie-gewaltig-dieses-problem-ist-a-4389644b-1795-4acf-bccf-759d6dce1982
https://www.aok.de/pp/gg/update/long-covid-experten-warnen-vor-wachsender-krankheitslast/
https://taz.de/Long-Covid/!6007816/
Here's some addresses I've dug up. PLEASE LIST MORE BELOW AND I'LL EDIT/ADD:
CNN
[ireport@cnn.com](mailto:ireport@cnn.com)
NPR - Send a News StoryPick your favorite:
On the Media, Morning Edition, Fresh Air, Consider This, Up First
https://help.npr.org/contact/s/contact?request=Send-a-story-idea
American Public Media:
https://mpr.tfaforms.net/27
New York Times online submission:
https://www.nytimes.com/2019/10/15/homepage/contact-newsroom.html
Washington Post: readers@washpost.com (mailto:Post:readers@washpost.com)
Washington Post letter to the Editor:
https://thewashingtonpost.formstack.com/forms/submit_a_letter_to_the_editor
USA Today
https://www.usatoday.com/contact/staff/
Charles Trepany, Wellness Reporter
[ctrepany@usatoday.com](mailto:ctrepany@usatoday.com)
Daryl Austin Wellness and Lifestyle
[ContributorDAustin@usatoday.com](mailto:ContributorDAustin@usatoday.com)
David OliverWellness Reporter
[doliver@usatoday.com](mailto:doliver@usatoday.com)
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I'm still tracking down addresses, or help me out and comment below. I'll edit my post.Thank you ALL!

Freshly back and awake after a twelve day stint for my first time there. I knew that I wanted to go in general, and while I didn't have a firm itinerary planned out, there was one main goal that I had in terms of sites within the country. The main video game that I play is Beatmania IIDX, and it has internal trophies which are represented as badges. Your profile allows you to assign up to five of them as visible when you start a new round, and there are badges to earn for playing at least one round in every prefecture in Japan, as well as every subregion. Getting the Kanto badge meant that I needed to play at least one round in Tokyo, Kanagawa, Saitama, Gunma, Tochigi, Ibaraki, and Chiba. After five days, I had that complete, and now I have a permanent record of this trip within the game itself. There was also a time-limited event to earn points in IIDX in order to exchange them for goods, such as a hat, or a towel, or a new account card and a poster, and I managed to get that taken care of in somewhat dramatic fashion. I did some other things too.
Primary general points
· Getting Suica set on the phone and using it was generally painless. There were only two times where I needed to summon the help of a resident JR employee to clear up an issue with the gate not reading the card for some reason.
· Most vocal interaction which I had was the opposite of painless, because I continuously kept trying to speak Japanese and failing, and most people would realize that I was completely failing at it and responded with English (some with full on sentences, others with just a few words). There were a few rare times that I was able to express my intent in Japanese, receive a response, understand the response, and reply as necessary, but that was rare. Once English was invoked, I would stay with it, because that's what they were expecting. I've been self-studying the language for more than twenty years in varying degrees of intensity, and while my reading comprehesion seemed sufficient enough for this trip, and while I didn't expect my speaking to be as good because I don't have any opportunity to practice speaking, I came away bitterly disappointed in my vocal and speaking comprehension in terms of my interaction with people there. Even within the trip I could at least overhear common chitchat better, but any time I needed to converse with someone for some reason, I usually needed to have things repeated several times and broken down before I finally realized what was being said.
· You are going to be asked about separately buying a bag with every non-food purchase. Accept or immediately present one that you are carrying to indicate how your purchase shall be bagged.
· I never once had my passport requested for presentation.
· Only once did a person volutnarily reach out to address me, and it was just to ask me where I was from in English. Otherwise, everyone left me alone the entire time.
· Weather through the period was ideal. Mid to upper 70F/25C range and only a few days where it was rainy, and even then it wasn't a downpour. A while ago I personally resolved to only wear suits in public and I purchased a new pair of Mephisto shoes after hearing reports of the extensive walking causing problems for traveller's feet and shoes. My attire help up well; there were only a few times that I needed to avoid sunlight to not get too hot, and I have no issues to report from the shoes.
· I only got X'd out of a restaurant one time, and I think it's only because I wandered into it before it was ready for service. Otherwise, I never once waited in line for food, I never once went to restaurant more than once, and all food was acceptably priced for the portion and excellent for the quality.
For these per-day recounts, I wrote them contemporaneously at the end of each day, so you'll need to forgive me for some writing being in present tense and other writing being in past tense.
Day 1 - Travel, Sugamo, Ikebukuro
Non stop flight from Chicago OHare to Haneda. 12 hours. Good thing I usually don't watch movies, because that just means that all I needed to do was binge a few to make the trip go by.
Pre-trip research led me to choose APA Sugamo as my home base for the visit, and I think that it was a very fortuitious choice. I'll have more to say about it later.
Some awkward encounters happened right away upon checking in here. I was at the nearby Family Mart to buy some things and I didn’t catch that he was making sure I wanted a bag until he repeated it five times. Yes, I’ll take it. Before getting there I was coming down to ground level after checking into my room, and when that person saw that I would have been the only other person going down to the ground, they ducked right back out. I was warned on both of these kinds of things happening, so I guess it’s good to have that immediately out of the way. It would turn out that people deliberately avoiding me was rare throughout the trip.
Despite not sleeping on the trip, I had freshly arrived and had no sense of being tired, so once I had my stuff down, I went off to Ikebukuro right away. No picture or video truly conveys how crowded these areas can get. It can only be experienced in person to be understood.
I soon found Round One Ikebukruo and went right in. So dense and loud. It’s entirely alien to me to see no less than ten IIDX machines in operation and all of them in use. I dumped the money into random tickets, as I foresaw doing, but now I have to wonder if that was the right thing to do, or if it’s tied to that location. I guess I’ll find out.
The forecast is for rain so I need to be in a hurry to figure out where I’m going to go. There might be only one day left for me to get my time limited toys.
Day 2 - Kawasaki, Kanagawa - Utsunomiya, Tochigi - Oomiya, Saitama
My body decided that it only needed four hours of sleep this morning. Without doing more research, I somehow decided to assume that more of the Round One locations were close to 24 hours of operation much like Ikebukuro. Answer: no. I hopped on the train early and went to Shibuya first, but it was very quiet, so I decided to get some of the travels out of the way today and headed south to Kawasaki. I still needed to dawdle for a while until Silk Hat opened at 900AM, and when I finally was able to get inside, I was only able to verify that their store had several allotments of the campaign goods and all allotments were out. Played one round on a monitor that was surprisingly blurry, and I don’t know why that would be the case with a lightning model, but it was, so that was enough.
After doing all of that, I resolved to try to go to Chiba and Ibaraki afterwards. I figured that with Kanagawa and Tokyo likely all out, going to the outskirts would make more sense. However, there was an injury on one of the rails that threw everything off normal, and the train I found myself riding was bound for Utsunomiya instead. Seeing as how I was going to go there eventually, I rolled with it.
It doesn’t take too long to move away from Tokyo metropolitan area before you encounter more forest like areas and rice paddy fields. Halfway through the trip I noticed that two older women suddenly hopped off while the train was waiting to go to the next stop, and I followed them when I realized they found the express line. Utsunomiya has a substantial size to its area and buildings but it was very quiet on the streets there in midday. Walked a mile to Sega GIGO, found that they didn’t even have the goods tracker up. All out. Interesting buliding for it having several neon signs, all vintage and authentic at that. Getting to there from the south meant cutting through Saitama, so I knew I had enough time to make one last attempt there. Research shown two stores being near Oomiya station, so that’s where I ended up. Taito Station was immediately visible upon exit, and they have two IIDX machines specifically with 20 gram springs, which is closer to my home setup and that much lighter than standard 50 gram springs. The final hour drew near and I made one last visit to that city’s Round One. Unlike nearly every other place I went to so far, it only had one IIDX machine. However, and maybe because of that, their goods listing didn’t show everything as out. One painful language exchange later, I was able to discern that what I wanted was available. When you spend more than 3000 yen in a single credit, the game wants to verify if you really want to proceed. It does it again at 6000 and 9000. Yes, I really do. But, having made that money dump I was able to get my hands on the e-amuse card and poster with fifteen minutes left before the deadline. Mission complete. By this point in the day it was exceedingly difficult to even look at the screen so I was ready to come home, but not before getting some goods at the Oomiya Book Off and redeeming what I could for points at Round One Ikebukuro. By the end of the day the only thing that I could tolerate doing was to buy some chicken and nigiri from the nearby train station. Good enough. At that point in the day my body felt like it wants to rock back and forth after all the train riding done today. But, it ended up being worthwhile after all.
One nostalgic feeling I had the most strongly in the day was at the Utsunomiya location where the smell of it triggered past buried memories of yesteryear. I think I want to attribute it to the stronger second hand cigarette smell but I’m not sure - all the same I felt its presence strongly there. Also, I don’t see Oomiya (or really Saitama itself) mentioned as a fun place to go, but it might serve as an acceptable alternative to Ikebukuro, only not as massive in scale of human quantity. Depending on how the trip goes in total I may end up back there for IIDX playing, at least if I don’t find any other place that has 20G springs.
Day 3 - Akihabara
With the travels out of the way, it was time to keep things more regionalized and stick to one area, and there is shopping that needs to be done, so it was off to Akihabara and to see how much of other posted tales hold true. The answer is that it is a lot of it. Kotobukiya can stand to open sooner than noon. Super Potato is indeed priced for a market which wants to snap up anything cheap - I at least found Xi for under 500 and felt that it would have been a bit silly to buy only that, but it didn’t make spending 2000 on one single issue of Arcadia any better. I had no idea that Hey Arcade was right next to both of them; while it was assuredly nice to be there and see the row of Cave shooters among everything else, something got messed up with my registration of my new eamuse card with everything else, so that quickly added to my stress. Having to carry around a few hundred dollars worth of crap with every step didn’t help matters. At least I was able to help a person recover their lost phone by applying a bit of logic to the situation and deducing it to belong to the only person there who looked French, as it was on the Lock Screen. They were relieved, yes. Then, rain came, and it was more than I was anticipating, and I left the umbrella at the room, particularly since I knew I’d be shopping this day. It also turns out to have not mattered much, because I went to visit Bic Camera so that I could get myself a hair trimmer while here, and that turned into me finding a bunch of Kit Kats available, so that meant a second bag. The wind kicked out the rain and my umbrella. In trying to get as many gifts secured as possible, I found some gachapon, but it needed 100Y coins, and I didn’t need paper money in the trip yet. After fighting with maps, I found an ATM to get cash, and got the gachapon. I came home late with feeling rather crushed about the day in that I couldn’t take pictures very well with having to juggle weather and bagging considerations. There were some nice parts of the experience to be sure but between that and more gawking at Super Potato pricing ($135 for PS3 Caladrius? $6000 for Pulstar?) and seeing similar markups on other goods, I don’t think it’s unfair to say that there is a reputation that this area carries and the pricing is there to go with it.
Day 4 - Laundry Day. Shibuya, Harajuku, Shinjuku
I was so drained at the end of Day 3 that I fell asleep on the bed immediately after ending the night call, which meant that I woke up at 0200AM to a room that was fully lit. This meant that I needed to look up how to resolve my eamuse problem or else I wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep. I did both. Awake at 0800AM meant that I had time to do laundry while I figured out what to do with the rest of the day. This meant that I was able to get more of Sugamo in pictures, and it was nice to be able to walk among the actual residences, and do other things like come across a school as it was actually in session. With them being close by and all in succession, I figured to get Shibuya, Harajuku, and Shinjuku visited. It turns out to have been a good day for it, as the temperature was perfectly cool and no rain came, and the sun came out only for a little bit. Shibuya somehow doesn’t seem quite as large in scope in person but the crowds were definitely there, and it is much more hilly than I anticipated as well. After wandering around and not seeing any arcade for a bit, I came across a series of coffee and cookie shops and remained strong to not indulge. It was there while looking at a Disney store (which gets tourists to take pictures of it for some reason) that the song Alone Again came on through the nearby public speakers. What timing. It drove me to finally get a treat for myself, and the frozen latte (black sesame and houji) and croissant (dark chocolate filing) were certainly good, it ended up costing more than the dinner I’d have later this day. I found a seclusion with a garbage can to eat the food and not carry the trash around, then an arcade soon after, and it was time to determine if I could fix the problem. Just like an easy click, it was. New to trash. Old to new. Done. Why did it have to be this way. Harajuku came next, and the environment there was distinct. This one in particular felt like it was an extended carnival atmosphere with the single tight knit market street and emphasis on fashion. A conversation with a freelance artist in the subway actually went well enough that I didn’t feel dumb. The same sensation carried to Shinjuku as well, only it was more spread out. Kabuki street was interesting to see in person, and I didn’t get any unseemly vibes from the place. Maybe it’s different later at night. A return home at a reasonable time allowed me to go down Sugamo’s market street a bit; most of it was closed, but it was interesting to come across the few remaining stores that were open by 0800PM, and more so the one that wasn’t. Coming back to the hotel I found a 24 hour ramen shop with nobody inside. The chef didn’t want to speak and only pointed to the ordering kiosk when I addressed her. The food came through a slot in the obscured window. At least her thank you as I left was a bit more warm, and the food was certainly delicious. To match with the matcha dessert that I bought from Sugamo station, I swung by a 7Eleven to get a drink, and found a milk tea for cheaper than a vending machine. The overhead music in the store was an instrumental version of Alone Again.
Day 5. Ibaraki - Mount Tsukuba, Miraidaira. Kashiwa, Chiba. Akihabara 2.
Awake at 0500AM on my own and knowing the current forecast meant that my envisioned plan for the day was quickly realized. Reaching the Tsukuba Express starting point from Akihabara needs you to get very far down into the ground before getting out into sunlight. I was on the ride early enough to see schoolchildren going about their commute, some of them being no older than ten and going about it unaccompanied. The people of Tsukuba seemed to be particularly helpful and cheerful that day, even despite my Suica issues at the gate. I didn’t ask his name at the counter but the man at the service desk was eager to speak with me about my career and what I was doing there. One asked where I was from on the way up to the summit and another caught my cable car ticket on the way down. There had to have been a few of them who saw my doing this climb in my business attire and thinking me to be a complete idiot if not outright mocking them for doing it that way while they employed the use of dual walking sticks and the like. I know I read some reports of the home stretch being difficult, but it did get pretty close to being an actual rock climb instead of a trail hike for that part of it. A quick stop to Miraidaira on the way back to get the Ibaraki play. The way the town center greets you upon leaving the rail gate struck me as incredible, as well as for how quiet it was. It was like walking onto a movie set. I did find the sweet shop after the play, and that was another painful interaction yet again. Oh well. Two quick stops down Tsukuba Express and one across from Tobu Urban Park line was enough to have a toe in Chiba, and I didn’t even need to leave the physical building of the train station to get to the basement level to find a machine for a play. Thank you, Kashiwa, you were great. Gunma is all that’s left. The descent from Tsukuba did take some earnest exertion, and after doing that the two stops, that put me back in Akihabara about when I anticipated; what I failed to anticipate is how much that place seems to drain on me. I think I just need to eat at an actual dinner time. Once I got back to Sugamo and had food it was a bit better, but while in Akihabara and being around that environment, and not finding things on a shopping list, I found myself just standing still and watching life pass me by. I hemmed and hawed a while for a maid girl’s hour of service for chitchat, but eventually I talked myself out of it because I just didn’t want potential trouble, just like her name. Komaru. I thought about doing this once just to say that I did, but I ultimately decided against it. You cannot go to this place with the expectation that you will find anything unless it is advertised and new. If you are looking for anything used, don’t count on it being there. You also cannot go there without having a strong resolve to not engage with the touts, because it becomes disheartening to see them do their job and blankly stare at the world when they're forced to stand out there and do nothing. Back to Sugamo to find a place that advertised Wagyu but the price they wanted was more than I wanted to spend. The ramen and seaweed & rice servings were fine, but they advertised endless drink and I didn’t receive that. All for $20? No, son. I did better than that elsewhere, I’ll know better now. Long day.
Day 6 - Tokyo Flea Market, Nakano Broadway, Ueno.
The weather couldn’t have been better for this weekend. I’ve read reports that the flea market held near the horse race track will be arbitrarily cancelled regardless of what is reported on the website, but my gut instinct told me that it would occur today, and it did. Turns out that a flea market is a flea market which is a flea market, no matter where it happens. Same allotment of clothes and stuff that few people really want to buy, although I was able to find myself some neckties at least. I probably overpaid based on what I saw later in the route, but that’s fine. They look nice. I settled on some shot glasses for a gift as well, but I’m surprised that I can’t ind something ornate that isn’t part of a sake set. Seated in the shade with a chocolate churro while rap music played in the background - it’s like I never left home. A woman came to sit across from me for the sake of sitting down; she was from Holland and today’s her last day in the country. Her husband came with food eventually. She had three weeks here and went to several places (allegedly, she didn’t list them out) and I asked her about Nakano Broadway. She didn’t make it there. It’s a good thing that I did - this is probably the kind of environment and market that people expect of Akihabara now, and maybe that’s how Aki was years ago, but it’s different from this. What’s more interesting is that Mandarake has a larger presence here than in Akihabara (so it seems to me), and their stores had floor after floor of any and every kind of pop culture product that’s been made in the past sixty years at least. Buttress that with extensive watch and jewelry stores and a slender arcade in the basement, and it’s a very well centralized microcosm of the country’s economy on the whole. I actually made a point to have dinner earlier than usual this time and found a place to serve some deep fried pork cuts served with rice and soup on the side. It was enough, and very well made. The day had not ended and my bag was heavy with several books purchased there, so I reported back to base briefly and decided to try visiting somewhere else, and settled on Ueno. Just as I arrived, a festival was underway where local teams of people made an elaborate show of carrying a home made shrine to a temple. Streets were officially blocked by police to allow the procession. In following the line I came up against makeshift food and amusement stands with the traditional toy gun shooting and goldfish catching. It appears that this is an official “start of summer” festival and I was able to watch it all happen in front of me. That was the good part of the day.
Day 7 - Tachikawa / Kunitachi. Shinjuku 2.
One of the games that I've never played is Beatmania III The Final. I've played some BM3 7th Mix years ago, but not The Final. I found a location that has one - World Game Circus in Tachikawa. In looking around that area before the trip, I saw that there was a nearby shinkansen museum, and not much else, so I figured that going to both places would make that walk worthwhile. Turns out that it wasn’t a museum in the proper sense of a dedicated building. Rather, it was a bullet train engine car on the side of a building that was unrelated, and that was it. A cute interaction happened here - when I approached the car, I heard some children running around inside, so I approached cautiously without knowing if I was encroaching upon someone else's alloted time or something. Once the children saw me, they gave a hearty irrashaimase as I entered, and the boy stamped a paper and presented it to me. Perfect. Despite it not being a typical musem, the card did have some interesting content, and it's good to see some kind of commemoration for their achievements and progression in that industry regardless. They have a lot to be proud about there. Off to WGC. Maps wasn’t lying about the walk taking twenty minutes. It's a good thing that I looked it up on streetview beforehand, because I otherwise would have walked right past it without knowing it was there. Then there it was, and there I confronted a past that I couldn’t visit again. Sure, I got to play BM3 The Final at last, but my timing was off, my hands were off, there wasn’t much I could do. Along with that I can say that I’ve played on a Beatmania II cabinet, and that was better than 5th Style at least. But that was it, that was all I could stand to do. It was right there and I couldn’t bear to put up with it more than a few rounds at best. Dream big, because only disappointment follows if your smaller dreams ever are fulfilled. I don’t know why finding IKEA back in Shinjuku was so difficult, but it took a while. I bought a bag, and then I bought a bag because the other bag was at the end of the register, which makes sense. I did feed myself before getting back to the Taito station to play some songs, but it still wasn’t good enough. All thumbs. Ended the day with laundry since the timing worked. Speaking of making dreams big, it’s time to cross another one off the list tomorrow. I can’t wait.
Day 8 - Takasaki, Gunma. Oomiya, Saitama 2.
It’s a good thing that I only needed to get to Ikebukuro to transfer over to the next stop, because that’s where that particular run ended for some reason. I wonder what was up. Speaking of things getting messed up on trains, I managed to find my way on a train that needed a separate ticket, which I didn't have. The conductor found me right away and had me disembark at Uraja for me to wait for the proper transfer. The weather forecast said there’d be rain, and the travel forecast said it would take two hours to get there, and neither lied. I feel like I had more people staring at me in Gunma than other places. I will say that I found the Takasaki station area to be rather charming, with the stores that it had inside and the emphasis on the music culture there. It’s one thing to offer a piano to the public to play, but it’s another to have a public willing to use it. This location had both. Having what was essentially a Bic Camera built into the facility was a nice touch too. The Leisure Land arcade was sandwiched between other floors that had its own offering of gaming stuff, so that was an unexpected bit of a fun thing to look through. The area was clean and sparsely populated, and it wasn’t picked clean of all matter of things that would normally get snapped up, so that was interesting. Finally, I made it over to the machine. They had separate fans for each location. I got the songs and then the medals came, and that’s that. Kantou Seiou. I would have stayed a bit longer but I wanted to have the medals show up right away, and my internet wasn’t cooperating, so that’s all I could do. I think there was an Internet cafe that I could have used in the facility, but I didn’t want to deal with an awkward conversation. I did get some Lawson on the way out, as well as some trinkets from the local Gunma-chan store as well as some mini croissants and some macademia cookie things. More vocal awkwardness. Omiya was one of the stops on the way back, and I found a place to serve omrice, so that’s another one off the list. No shoes allowed inside. The value wasn’t there but the service was good enough, as was the flavor. The machines with the 20G springs are indeed legit. Back home in time for some McDonalds, and that’s another food-checklist item marked off. Takoyaki mayo dipping sauce - somehow it’s both salty and sweet. While returning to the hotel, I did happen to encounter an argument amongst two teenaged locals where the guy ended up half-heartedly kicking the girl and getting her to cry. I wonder what their argument was about. I didn’t play hero, but someone else did so enough to prevent an escalation and called the police over.
Day 9 - Sugamo, Tokyo Sky Tree, Akihabara 3, Kanda
Up early enough to decide that I should at least visit the Sky Tree while I'm there just to say that I did, and that I should visit the Sugamo street market upon its open since it was right there in front of me. I'm glad to have done so. With everything open, this felt more like what one would think to expect from a flea market environment that's operated and supported by the local populace. Small stores were open both sides of the street that go on for many blocks, and some tents and tables were set up to sell second hand goods as well. I was able to find someone selling a US Morgan dollar and he wanted only 2000Y for it, so that was an easy buy. If I would have known better to anticipate this area, I wouldn't have felt compelled to buy kitchy tourist crap that is expected as gifts elsewhere. If you are looking for a place to idly shop around that doesn't get extremely crowded and has an authentic local feel to it, consider making a point to come here. Off to Sky Tree. Getting the combo ticket for the second deck was worth it just for the lack of crowds on the upper area. If you're going to come here, consider getting a phone selfie stick or something of the kind so that you can take pictures against the windows without the structure scaffolding obstructing your view. On the subject of shopping again, this might be another area to consider visiting just for the sake of the specialty stores to be found here, such as those for chopsticks or hairpins. To close out the day, my wife reminded me to look for something from the Square Enix cafe, so that meant swinging by Akihabara yet again. Since it is within a walkway, it was a bit of a pain to find this place even with using maps, but I eventually found it and got what she wanted to find. Played some IIDX at Game Panic, which was surprisingly small and the one machine that was avaialble to play had some 2P turntable issues, so that didn't last all that long. Dinner was at a nearby place that specalized in tofu, so that was a good ramen serving with that infused. For the evening, I wandered south to Kanda to get night pictures, and found it to feel pretty similar to Ueno.
Day 10 - Ginza, Tokyo, Kanda & Akihabara 4
Launrdry in the morning. I also wanted to say that I went to Ginza in my time here, and I didn't research anywhere to go to keep it a surprise. It was a bit warmer and sunnier than usual that day, and I stuck to the main road for most of the walk, so I can't say that I found too many points of the interest along the path that I walked starting from Yurakucho station and heading out that way. High class store for high class people, and that's too rich for my peasant blood. Similarly for Tokyo proper itself, I suppose I'd have to needed to wander far away from the Yamanote vicinity to find points of interest there, as I didn't encounter anything that was remarkably distinctive here in comparison to other areas that I have previously seen. Continuing north across Nihonbashi brought me to Kanda and eventually to Akihabara yet again, as if it was a magnet that pulled me inside every time. For the sake of trying a different place I chose to play some IIDX at the Leisure Land arcade there, and I'm glad to have done that, as those machines were probably in the best coniditon that I encountered within that area. Dinner was at Tenkaippin, which I didn't realize until after I placed the order was cash only. The clerk didn't request it beforehand but I voluntarily left my passport there to show that I would return, and promptly went to the same ATM that I had found days prior in order to get the cash to pay for the bill.
Day 11 - Haneda T3, Nishi Nippori, Nippori, Uguisuidani, Otsuka, Shibuya, Shinjuku, Ikebukruo, home.
The end. I resolved to take the subway over to Haneda today to get the one luggage over there and stored, and it’s a good thing that I did - there’s no easy solution for getting over there without encountering a crowd. If anything I wonder if Yamanote is actually better. Regardless, I got that much done. With the day left to go, I ventured to Nishi Nippori and I needed to summon the map several times to make sure I found the location, as it was as obscure as it could get. Just a sign on the ground for the third floor, a stairway that led to the back, an elevator that had no decoration, a single room that housed everything. Arcade PCB kits on shelves, joystick panels in exposed boxes, nicotine odor from years past - it was like I was transported to 1995 upon entry, beyond the fact that the games weren’t as old. Most of them, they did have a lot going for SF3 3rd yet. I was able to take care of some game business in a hurry since I was the only one there. It was a very pleasant respite for play in comparison to most of the other sessions. The region itself felt much the same as this arcade - old and well worn, as in well lived. Venturing south to Nippori led me to stumble upon a shrine and cemetery just by following some stairs. Usuigudani was cleaner but mostly had hotels as points of interest. Back home to buy some mochi while mochi was for sale in midday. Then to Otsuka, thinking that I would wander to Ikebukuro, but I ended up wandering back to Sugamo instead. Whoops. Meal at Sugamo, then back out to return to Shibuya and Shinjuku at night to catch evening shots, when I hadn’t done so before at these places. Good thing I did that to get Golden Gai area shots at night. With the night winding down, I decided to have one last IIDX play at Round 1 in Ikebukuro to symbolically end where I started.
Ending arcade comments
· Although the upkeep is generally better and more consistent than the US, some machines will have hardware issues here too. I was surprised by the blurriness with some of the LM IIDX machines.
· Densha De Go on the propert large cabinet is nice but quickly becomes very expensive.
· Bombergirl is OK enough and having the dedicated detonator button that pops up for hitting the base is a cute touch.
· Chase Chase Jokers feels rather clunky and I'm not sure what the game is trying to do. Interesting side screen concept at least.
· Nostalgia is delightful and would probably find a small fanbase worldwide if it had more exposure.
· Favorite IIDX locations are Taito Station in Oomiya for the light keys and Leisure Land Akihabara for the high quality of the LMs there. Honorable mention goes to the Game Versus loctation in Nishi Nihonbashi, but that might not be worth it for a dedicated trip unless you go there first thing in the morning.
Ending overall comments
This was a life altering trip for me, as would be expected. While I'm glad to have made the journey, as to be expected, I will only want to return after making an extensive redoubled effort into speaking and hearing comprehension, because I know that I came across like a blubbering idiot so many times, and it's truly aggravating because I generally know what I want to say and most of the words that are used to say it, but it just doesn't come out of my mouth properly when it needs to be done.
I welcome any questions you may have, as that will help for me to recall the memories and have me write them down.

This is an anecdotal story, I wish I had the name of the rescue or more evidence. But it was so shocking (and yet unsurprising…) that I have to share. This happened somewhere in Arizona, presumably the Phoenix area, sometime in the last few weeks. Some of the details are vague to protect my friend, and some because we unfortunately don’t have the whole story.
Every week, I help a local woman give subcutaneous fluids to her elderly cat. (I have plenty of training doing this as a former shelter worker and used to do this for my old cat, and this is a pretty common thing to do at home which most vets don’t have a problem with) She and I have become friends, and we love gossiping about local rescue drama since she knows all the crazy people.
She introduced me to three cats who she took in as a favor for an acquaintance. This person has some sort of mental health issue and is likely an animal hoarder as she said he has 20-30 dogs on his property. Yet he seems to be involved with numerous rescues as a foster. The pit bull overpopulation crisis is rampant in Phoenix so it doesn’t surprise me that rescues are willing to pawn their dogs off on anyone with a pulse.
One of these rescues gave this man a “very large” pit bull to foster and did not disclose its aggressive past. We’re unsure what this aggressive past means exactly, but we have a good idea because very shortly after he picked it up, the pit bull killed one of his small dogs. Not sure if it was another foster or a personal pet. The man immediately attempted to contact the rescue to tell them what happened and that he needed to bring the dog back, and they are refusing to answer his calls or emails. Total radio silence, straight to voicemail. He is now stuck with a large, aggressive dog in his hoarder property with dozens of other vulnerable animals. She took the cats as a means to get them out of danger, but there are possibly more cats still on the property. The three she saved are safe, completely adoptable (and cute) and have intake appointments at a good local shelter, so thank God for that.
My friend and I are just dumbstruck and both agree the rescue needs to get its head out of their ass, get the pit bull out of there and BE it for everyone’s safety. I’m going to encourage her to reach out to animal control if she can get more info (it sounds like she has never actually been to the house and did the cat handoff in a parking lot or something). The guy clearly needs help and is not being served by being forced to keep an aggressive, dangerous dog in his hoard. And shame on the “rescue” for pawning their problem pit bull off on this man.
I’ll update if I get more information. Definitely would love to know the name of the rescue so I can avoid them forever.

As an aside, I got an incredibly much needed laugh when I saw my firefox thumbnail for this tab labeled as "lgbt:submit". That's hilarious.
I had a few posts on here before, but TLDR; I met someone online (asexual nonbinary dfab who I've emotionally supported getting the meds they need to be more androgynous) who not only helped force open my perception of all things gender related, but also opened up my heart. I eventually asked them out, but they shot me down.... because I'm too masculine.
A few months ago, I got to have another vacation where I got to spend time with this friend, and at one point, I presented the idea: "would you have dated me, if in another world or life time, I could have been your girlfriend?" They gave the correct answer of "you should make that decision for yourself, not for other people". But it certainly got us talking about my gender identity, and apparently "subtle" hints and flags I've apparently been giving off for years.
I have mixed feelings about transitioning. Not on other people; I will FOREVER be an Ally, because Justice shouldn't have asterisks or exceptions. Do no Evil and let people live their lives if they aren't hurting anyone else. And I've seen how effective it can be on folk. Even when I assumed I was 100% straight, I've seen transgirls who absolutely peek my interest. I'm glad science has progressed enough to allow people to push towards living however they want to. Again, I've been supporting my friend in that matter from the bottom of my heart.
On me, I'm very anxious of the idea. I've always been judged on "not being right".
I'm not honest or trust-able enough, while also being too open and forward. I'm not "black" enough while also having faced discrimination for it. I'm not "white" enough despite being raised by the boogie-st white mother possible. (I see myself as multiracial/mixed, with a White-Irish Birthmom, and a Nigerian-French Birthdad). I'm not traditional enough in my views to count as faithful to my religion, despite also defining that as part of who I am. I've always been teased for not being manly enough or being too sensitive... and yet for the first time, seeing myself as a male has finally been something else I don't fit right, either.
So transitioning without it being as "instant"/"complete" as it is in fiction (where a single pill or shot, or outright magic, can complete the change either way overnight, if not instantly), I'm not sure about the idea of giving it a try and "not being enough of a girl", even with estrogen and bottom surgery. Even if I had the support of someone I'd love to spend the rest of my life with, it's still pretty daunting.
...at least when awake and actively thinking about it.
Apparently, I've made comments for years, if not maybe even over decades, that have made my friends question my sexuality and gender.
-discomfort with my body and fitness, and not feeling attractive enough as a man (as well as wondering if my legs and butt can be attractive in ways I didn't think I was supposed to have them be)
-Preferring to play as Female Characters in Video Games.
-Having a wish to be reborn as a girl, for all the fun options in regards to nerd things that I don't have the balls (haha) to do as a boy. Cosplays and jokes and what not. -On that note, being somewhat jealous that it feels like there are more cosplay options for girls in regards to characters and crossplaying than for guys. (as a guy, for example, I could only be Ganondorf. As a girl, I could probably still pull off Ganondorf, or also be sexy-femme Ganondorf too.)
-imagining myself in said alternate life, as the buff yet curvy amazonian friend/girlfriend to my dream twinky nerdy partner
-joking that the two of us could just switch bodies and make both of us happier (apparently it's easier to access Estrogen than Testosterone, so making me girlier would be easier than them trying to even themselves out)
-having spent years roleplaying online as my own younger sister, enjoying presenting as the opposite gender
-having tried on my sister's bra in middle school (which gave another reason to change for gym in the bathroom, away from the other boys and bullies) because I was uncomfortable with how my fat and chest were feeling
-being bullied for being a sissy and sensitive and a f** and all that, even when I was trying to be a boy (if still nerdy as heck).
-many of my roleplay characters being girls, some of them I've had more fun with than the non-girls (particularly when romance is involved, though I'm a sucker for romance anyway), and being significantly open to non-heterosexual relationships in my roleplay in the past few years
-saying that if I could just be completely body-swapped with like a week of time at most into my dream figure, I'd do it in an instant
-being torn on the idea of bottom surgery unless it was complete, because I'd want the option of being able to have kids one way or another, even if I currently don't want any, and science isn't quite there yet, even with how far it has progressed.
-thinking that if I were in better shape (or a better body) a cute crop top jacket to show off abs sounds unironically neat, and imagining other things I could wear if I didn't have this body.
-joking about how I'd have had more fun when I used to be a sign-spinnedancer, and could have been a waitress rather than a frycook, when I was starting out my jobs...
-I didn't realize it until I started looking back, but there had also been a lot of manga and comics and such involving trans media that I had been following for years, largely M2F.
-it's probably some sort of sexuality flag that I find femme characters or versions of me still willing to be involved with girls or boys, as well as becoming a bit more open about being willing to fall in love with anyone if they're cute and nerdy, at least hypothetically, even if I have a preference for girls. In trying to shake off family values that I find are heavily outdated, I imagined supporting my friend if they became so non-femme their sex also changed... and I might have fantasized about still being with them in that way too.
Is it possible to have all those thoughts rattling around in the back of my head for years (even if magnified when I spend so much time talking with someone very versed in gender related matters) and still be just Cishet?

Spoiler:I am gonna sound like a major asshole because I am.
My(17f) friend(15f) acts like a clingy girlfriend and it's draining me every day.We started talking back in October through IG, she was friends with people that I was friends with at that point in time.She replied to all my stories and I just liked the replies because I wasn't that interested in building a conversation but she kept texting me so I just kept on replying.I didn't dislike her or anything, because I didn't even really know her at that point, I just wasn't interested in making friends online.She also is kind of immature(I mean she is a bit younger) and she lives 600km away from me which made me completely uninterested in trying to build a genuine friendship.I thought that me being mostly dry would make it clear that we're not gonna be more than just mutuals, but she kind of just kept talking to herself in my DMs.She would send messages even after I replied with ,,That's crazy" or even just a half assed like for the fifth time, and I made the mistake of going along with it and not shutting it down.
My second mistake was letting her get close to me knowing I didn't wanna be that close to her.I thought we would just be moots/casual internet friends, who tag each other under memes, and occasionally have meaningless convos over text.I have autism, and am extremely non-confrontational due to bad past-experiences so I am horrible at enforcing boundaries, which translated to me giving her my number and accepting her on my close friends even tho I didn't really want to.Everytime she asked me for something I did it because I am just too spineless to say no.I accepted her calls even tho I didn't feel like calling.I actually hate calling and I barely call other people, even the ones that I love more than anything.But again, I don't know how to say no.Everytime we were on a call I barely said anything and she was the one keeping the conversation alive. One time she wanted to meet up in realize and surprise surprise, I agreed to it, knowing that I didn't want to.
My third mistake was enabling all her stupid behavior.She's around three years younger than me, and although I would never act like 17 is the pinnacle of maturity compared to 14, there is a noticeable difference.I would never ever date a 14 year old bc of the gap in maturity, so I have no idea what on earth I was thinking when one tried to befriend me.I don't want to judge her for her immature behavior, at the end of day I was a demon myself when I was 14/15, and being stupid is a part of character development, but imo our experiences are just too far removed from each other.Her main troubles in life are girls she is currently beefing with, stalking random people and her ex situationship, while I'm having an existential crisis because I am graduating, becoming a legal adult with adult responsibilities, and starting a whole new chapter in my life.She keeps on bothering her ex situationship even tho they have been no contact for months atp, she travelled 500km to his city claiming she just wanted to be there and denying that she is stalking him, she stalks him , his friends and his partners to this very day, and I cannot have one single conversation with her where she doesn't bring him up.She went as far as to leak his number on twitter and she constantly bullies his new gf.And you know what?I never ever gave her a reality check. In fact, I supported her.I told her it was funny and that he deserved it, I fed her delusions by agreeing when she claimed that he was obsessed with her.The most stupid and disgusting thing I did was make the twitter account for her where she would leak his number.Yes, I should have told her to move on and leave him and his gf alone.I feel so guilty for bothering two innocent people, and enabling immature behavior as a role model.I am pretty sure that me enabling her gave her the impression that I am a super supportive friend, when in reality I was just too much of a poosi to disagree with her.
My fourth mistake is reciprocating her affection.I sometimes, not often but sometimes text or call her first even tho I really don't feel like it because my guilt tells me to.When she talks about how much she likes me and that I am her best friend I reciprocate it.I call her and she talks the whole time while I am just like ,,mhm yeah", because even tho I don't really want to be friends, I still somehow manage to feel guilty for being a bad friend. So I just keep on breadcrumbing her.
I know I should've never given her my number.I know I should've never agreed to meet up with her.I know I should've kept her at distance from the beginning, but here we are.I have pulled away a few times and every time I let my spineless azz guilt trip myself into going back to ,,best friend" mode with her when she got mad at me for ignoring her.This time I have pulled away for real, and she keeps on calling and texting.I have at least three missed calls a day from her, and I ignore her messages for hours until I finally gather the motivation to give her a half-assed reply. At first I was so annoyed, I thought to myself: "Doesn't she realize that I ignore her because I don't want to talk to her that often?!", but then I realize that it is my fault because I lead her on for months.I gave her the impression that we were best friends even tho to me she was just an Instagram mutual. Now she's worried and I am frustrated.This time, I might be too drained to go back to fake bff mode.
Yes, I know that this is extremely nasty of me.Leading somebody on is one of the meanest, fakest and most hurtful things you can do to somebody, and I have no right to act like the victim.What's even worse than me leading her on, is the fact that I will never have the balls to tell her the truth.
I just wanted to get this off my chest somewhere.

[FIRST][LAST]
Atlantis Commission
Officer Report - Lieutenant Colonel John Shepard
CLEARANCE LEVEL 5
Well this had definitely been a very interesting couple of hours. This dimension and its people had very odd opinions and ideas. Apparently the prey species of this dimension were all obligate cowards, whose instincts compelled them to be non-violent and run from threats. At least according to themselves. There were apparently some of them who were “predator diseased” as they called it, a disease which often resulted in increased violence, aggression, lack of empathy, and unheard like behavior. It sounded to me like some form of infectious psychopathy, but the venlil assured us it shouldn't affect us since we were predators, which didn’t really ease my fears, but hopefully it was something we could figure out when we got home if it ever became a problem.
Gotta love mandatory quarantine periods woo hoo!
As scary as this odd disease sounded, my main concern at the moment was to try and turn a professed coward into someone who could at the very least defend themselves.
I looked down to the table of gear ahead of me and then over to the mostly naked Venlil to my side, and then even farther to Tiel’c who thought It would be a good idea to help oversee Farva’s rapid fire training course. I fiddled with the bluetooth earpiece which was rigged up to one of our handhelds to run a translation program to speak directly with the captain. A big step up from our unknowingly one sided communications earlier.
I stepped on the other side of the plastic table and placed my hands down upon it and looked on at my new student..
“Welcome Captain Farva to our very impromptu accelerated course on Human arms armor and basic infantry tactics.” I said gesturing to the hodge podge gear we had managed to assemble for the good captain. “Are we ready to begin?”.
She flicked her ears, somewhat nervously by the looks.
“I’d take it that's a yes then?”
“Oh yes sorry”
“Alright then, well given that most of our crew is human and the only other alien struts around naked all the time, the only gear we have on hand is for humans, So you're going to be running size smalls and it's all going to fit all a bit big” I say as I toss her the tactical vest. ”Here try this on, we can try to tighten it up if it's a bit loose anywhere”. The captain wrestles with the buckles a bit, and Teal'c helps her tighten up some of the top straps, as the Venil’s shoulders weren't as broad as humans. Farva gave Teal’c an odd look, but seemed appreciative none the less.Once finished, she grasped the vest in her paws with interest. “This armor seems quite lightweight, which is nice, weight is often an issue that causes us to forgo armor, since heavy armor would hurt our running ability.” Farva remarks. “Also the sheer amount of pockets seems quite excessive, what do you need all these for?”
“Well for starters it's currently missing these '' I hand Farva one of the armor plates which she looks over. “That is a depleted Naquadria ceramic composite plate. It’s designed to stop bullet impacts and dissipate energy weapon blasts. It slots into that chest compartment in the front and back of your armor.”
“This isn't quite what Id imagine for the armor of your kind”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Well judging by your ships I would have imagined you would put more emphasis on defense Your predatory nature would make you less likely to run away from conflict allowing for more encompassing armor to cover more than just your chest, since you have less need to run.”
She would put it like that.
“Well there are a number of reasons for that, a lot to do with those excess pockets you mentioned. For starters you will not be carrying the same amount of gear that the standard infantry unit would normally be carrying, we are preparing you for a quick in and out op. Normally us expedition teams need to be deployed into unknown territory for extended periods of time, we need to carry everything we might need with us from food, bullets, weapons, to comms gear, sensors, repelling equipment etc. The weight from all that gear adds up fast; In order to stay sufficiently mobile and combat effective; we only carry enough armor to protect our vitals, head and torso, anything else can hopefully be patched up by a field medic.”
Tielc gave his piece as well. “It is important to know when to run both towards and aways from one's foes, not every battle can be won through strength alone, but by strategy and cunning. Being able to reposition oneself quickly is therefore highly advantageous”
Farva seemed to freeze at Teal'c's statement, not out of fear I think, she instead had a distant look in her eye. To snap her out of her slump I handed her a standard ballistic helmet.
Seeming to get the idea she looked at it oddly and tried it on. It confirmed to her head shape decently well but depressed her ears to either side of her head, kind of resembling what one might imagine a sad bunny rabbit to look like “I don't think this will be something I can bring with me” she said ” I can't use ear signals and this will muffle my hearing.”
“Why don’t you keep it on for the time being, I think any extra hearing protection might be useful considering what we are about to try next.” I hand Farva some ballistic ear protectors, slightly modified and somewhat ramshackle. “One of the corporals worked closely with Nurse Fila to get an idea for safe decibels levels for your kind, we were also able to get these earbuds molded to fit into your ear canal better”
Farva took them and slipped them in. “These are a bit uncomfortable, what do I need these for?”
“You'll need them for this” I say as I unsnap the clasps on the weapons case revealing its contents.
The content seems to capture Farva’s interest, getting a slight tail wave.
“Okay So this here is a p90, It carries a 50 round top loading magazine of teflon coated armor piercing ordnance. With a cyclical rate of fire of 900 rounds per minute.”
Farvas ears perk up at this. “This seems like an efficient design, I take it these are a flashlight and laser sight for accuracy?” She asked, pointing to the top of the weapon.
“Yes we also have holographic and acog optics which will help line up targets from farther away.” I look on as Farva picks up the weapon and inspects it, testing the weight as I note that it will weigh a fair bit more once loaded. But she doesn't seem to be struggling with the weight. I can't help but notice good firearm safety as well, she keeps her finger well off the trigger and takes care to keep her weapon pointed aways from anyone else.
“This seems like a solid design but I'm not sure how useful those weapon optics would be, as they are not designed for my side facing eyes”
“I'm sure our master at arms can figure something out, why don't we give it a test fire first tho, before we send it off to make adjustments.” I instruct her on how to load the weapon and turn the safety off. I warn her of the sound it makes. And while definitely taken aback by the recoil and sound at first, she quickly gets the hang of it, she has some respectable shot groupings in both single fire and in short bursts. And keeps the rounds reasonably centered while firing in full auto.
She did a whole lot better than I would have initially suspected given her performance in the hanger bay a day before.
“The rate of fire seems useful” Farva spoke “This would be useful for our soldiers, our accuracy falters when we are panicked, and the increased shot count should guarantee some hits based on volume of fire alone” she finished with a dejected expression.
She quickly places the weapon back in its case, as if it burned to touch.” I don't know if I should be armed for this mission, at least not with that weapon, I don't want to miss and hit one of you in the back!”
“What? Nonsense, you are a great shot, and this is just a precaution in case we get separated or flanked and need some covering fire. If our guys are doing their job right you shouldn't need to fire a single round anyways.”
Captain Farva’s breathing started to hasten, earlier I might have thought it was fear, but I was starting to get an idea of what the captain's issues were. I’ve seen this before.
“I.. I can’t be trusted with this responsibility, every time I am left in charge of something, every time people put their lives in my paws I ....”
“Farva, don’t you start with me now you hear.” I said sternly, swiftly capping off her inevitable spiral of self doubt.
“But.. no.. you don’t understand”
Stopping her again I spoke. “But nothing, what happened before on that ship, and back at that colony is in the past. I don’t know your whole situation, but from what I have gathered from the crew It was nothing good. You feel responsible and it's eating away at you, and frankly it doesn’t matter if that's true or not. Accidents happen, people make mistakes, and when that happens we need to learn, take those lessons to heart, and don't let it stop us from helping people in the present. If you let guilt, or fear of mistakes stop you, then bad guys have already won, all without having to have fired a shot”
Farva is quiet for a short time, I was hoping I got through to her, I'm not the best and pep talks and this certainly wasn’t your typical weapons demo, if only everyones could go as smoothly as Ronan’s.
Farva spoke quietly, arms pressed up against her chest, she looked so sad, defeated, and small. Well more than usual anyways. “We can't be strong like you humans, we are too emotional and when we are scared we run away or we lock up and...”
“And that is clearly not the case with you captain Farva” Teal’c finally reentered the conversation having heard enough. “You have shown courage with every action you have taken so far, your actions have saved the lives of many of your crew, every time you have been threatened you acted not just to protect yourself but others as well. You attempted to contend with beings many times your size without even thinking about it, all in the effort to protect others, and this is only in the time we have known you, this speaks nothing of your actions over the colony. You are a warrior of admirable courage Captain Farva, your self doubt is unearned.”
A single tear rolled down Farva’s eyes which she quickly wiped away. “That was very nice of you to say, but I'm not brave like you say, I was terrified out of my mind the whole time.”
Teal’c looked puzzled. “I did not call you brave, I said you were courageous.”
Farva shot back with the little venlil one up one down ear flick I had very quickly learned was confusion.” I'm confused you just said brave twice”
“Hmm it appears your language does not contain the word I am using, I apologize I am not used to speaking through a translator” Teal’c relented “ There are two words I am using admittedly in slightly different forms, bravery and courage. Bravery or to be brave is to lack fear, to not be afraid to begin with. Courage tho, Is a trait far more admirable. Courage is to be afraid, to have fear, to worry about one's own mortality and personal safety. It is to acknowledge risk, danger, to feel fear, but to act in spite of it.”
“Had I not met your kind before I would have thought predators don't feel fear.”
“Everyone fears feel Farva, It is how we overcome it that determines our worth as warriors”
Teal’c picks up the p90 and returns it to Farvas hands.
“Your people need a warrior Farva, a warrior who protects the innocent and guides the lost to safety. You have shown how collected you can be in the heat of battle, You have already proven your worth in our eyes Farva, now you must do the same in your own. The greatest enemy lies not without” Teal’c places his hand firmly on the venlil’s chest “But within”.
After Action Report - Venlil Colonial Defense Force
Subject : Chief Engineer Donu
I fiddled with my holopad, Its small surface area proving to be a consistent source of annoyance in my current endeavor. Gone was the large workspace afforded to me by my holotable back in my office. Instead I had to work with the scaled down portable holotablet I was just fortunate enough to have strapped to my person when I was beamed away from our last ship. I was stuck with its smaller keyboard and slower rendering speeds.
An annoyed smooth skin alien looked over my shoulder at my device, attached to it was a jury rigged fiber optic cable, slotted into a terran silicon to crystal patch cable, which would convert the electrical signals broadcasted by my tablet into a bandwidth that the terrans crystalline based computers; which they used for highly complex tasks like hyperdrive and transporter systems; could use, and then It was patched again in a even stranger connector to patch into the odd asgard computer stones.
All in all it looked like someone tried to plug a regular computer into some crystal construct like you would find in a fantasy holonovel, and again plugged that into a harchen heat rock sauna lounge. Finally branching out from this conglomeration was a simple copper based wire that connects to a computer terminal at which currently sat the late Doctor Rodney Mckay. A title upon initially hearing led me to believe he was a medical doctor, which led to a flurry of medical questions that he had absolutely no means of answering.
While this odd alien nomenclature was interesting, what intrigued me more was his actual area of expertise, theoretical astrophysics, as well as a number of other diverse specialties and fields. Not to mention not only was he a great scientist who had he been raised in the more civilized portion of this galaxy, would have knowledge and aptitude that would put him alongside some of Aafas greatest minds, but he was also an engineer without peer, at least in this galaxy. His interactions with general Samantha Carter hinted at her possibly being his match if not more. For a species that was supposed to glorify violence the decision to have a scientist be arguably the most senior member of what was by their admission a military vessel spoke to their commitment to knowledge and understanding, a very noble prey-like goal.
I looked warily at the lines of code at my screen, the asguard translation program had earlier scanned our ship and was able to parse written languages, but complex files, like images and 3d design schematics were harder to encode and decode from our perspective systems. As is stands we have 3 completely separate computer architectures, the asguard can talk to human computers and the venlil computers can talk to the asguard computers, It sounds like we would have everything we need to get a human C.A.D schematic into a venlil holotablet right? Wrong! And you're stupid for entertaining such a idiotic notion! Parsing text from raw binary is relatively straight forward, you're just looking for patterns, repeating bit combinations that might infer letters and then iterating them over millions of times looking for patterns, letters, words, and then with a bit of help from some undecoded analog audio transmission, spoken language. This is a far cry from actual procedural communication protocols,the ones that allow for file transfers, exactly what we needed if we were to get Rodney's redesigned part schematics into a format and medium that can be plugged into a suitable fabricator. Assuming one still exists, which I can reasonably assume it does.
Speaking of which, I have just made something of a breakthrough. For upon my screen appears a simple geometric hydrogen cube, we’re talking vertices, planes, material data, everything we need for a usable design file.
I let out an excited pent up yip, the culmination of hours of frustrating software integration work. Unfortunately I startled Rodney, who lets out a panicked gasp and clutches his chest pelts with one of his paws.
“Oh god…..” He gasps, pointing at me “Please.. don’t do that”
“Sorry!” I say a bit meekly. I slowly approach him so as to not make him unnecessarily uncomfortable and show him my work.
“I got the file exchange set up, all we need from you is to finish any modifications to your part, upload them to my holopad, and then we can print away at any class 3 or above fabricator we can scrounge up on Brayga colony.”
“Ok.. um.. got it, I'm almost done i’m just you know” He points a lone grasping appendage at his screen,”Running some simulations, making sure everything is up to spec.” keeping his response kurt. “Sorry for freaking out there.”
I nod my head in the human display of affirmation and return to my workstation to further bug check my work, to test potentially problematic edge cases for when he finishes. Tho Rodney's continued odd behavior intruded on my thoughts.
I should have felt empowered, being able to intimidate this ‘massive beast’, but I didn't. I didn't like being feared, his people have been nice to me, Rodney himself courteous to a fault and desperate for positive attention.
I thought I could expect predators to be fearless but that clearly wasn't the case, rodney was fearful, nervous, had I not known better I would say defective, and while it annoyed his crew, they didn't berate him for it, or attempt to assert dominance, they encouraged it even with placating words and tried to help him through it, they encouraged and supported him like a proper herd, even if sometimes it took the form of what the human would call a playful ribbing. I supposed I could help him as well.
I approached him again, careful to make my approach known to him, making sure to approach from within his limited field of vision. He looks up at me with a wide eyed glare, had I not known him I might have assumed it was hunger, but I did and knew it to be concern.
“Uh high Donu.. um whats up?”
“Why are you afraid of us rodney?”
“Wa-What, me afraid?” he gives out a panicked laugh ”uh no no, I'm not afraid, you know just a bit weirded out I'm just getting used to you all, it's not a fear thing it's a a…. Just getting used to new aliens thing, ask Hermirod we went through this whole song and dance right buddy”
Hermirod furrowed his brow and gave an irritated sigh from across the room.
I reached out to take Rodney by the paw.
His whole body flinched at my mere touch, I quickly withdrew my paw.
“Oh.. um.. I didn't…”
“Rodney! It's okay, your crew doesn’t seem to care when you show fear, and neither do I. Why are you afraid of us? You are almost twice our size and surely double our strength, most venlil would scream and run in terror at the mere sight of you. What's wrong?”
Rodney let out a sigh. “Oh its, we don't have to talk about this, I can deal with this, I deal with scary situations all the time, it's fine, I'll be fine.”
“Rodney, my people are a very emotional, empathic people, we are open with our feelings and with our fear, and the fear of the one can affect the herd, please let me help you. I don’t know what to expect from your society but I promise I wont judge you for your fear or emotions, I mean look at many of my crew mates, we are no one to judge”
Rodney shot back “You didn't seem to be so bothered”
“I’m too old to care, I was about to retire, hell I was about to die as far as I knew, Brayga colony was supposed to be a quiet place to lay back, work on some hobbies, plant a garden and pester the young men of my colony until I either dropped dead of boredom or got lucky” I joked.
That seemed to raise Rodney's mood somewhat. He sighed and seemingly relented.
“It’s… a dumb story, I don't even know why it affected me so much, I come from a place on earth called Canada, people don't usually believe me when I say I am from there, us Canadians are notoriously friendly and I guess I haven’t exactly filled that mold for a lot of my life, but hey I'm working on it, people like me, I have lots of friends back at Atlantis” He says the last sentence in a way as if it isn't me he's trying to convince.
“I'm sure you do, Rodney, You seem like quite the charming individual when you're not cowering!”
“Ha ha thanks, maybe you could come and visit sometime. Tell that to doctor Becket, really nice guy, smart man, he would love to meet you, he loves investigating new species. But back on topic, oh boy, so me and my sister Jeannie were on a family trip to rural Vancouver to visit my grandpa's farm, he kept a lot of goats, not for eating or anything, they were essentially pets that he would use for milk”
“Wait hold on? You drink milk from other animals! Do your females not produce enough milk for their young?”
“Oh um no, we just sort of drink it or ferment it into cheese!”
“Ferment? You mean spoil?
“Yeh”
I reeled from this plasma blast of a statement, I like any right minded venlil had a number of nightmares about being an arxur’s cattle before, especially when I first learned about those things in primary school, but never once had it crossed my mind that we could be used for something so weird. What the speh was I supposed to do with that information?
“Maybe you should get back on topic”
“Yeh sorry about that uh.. Anyways the momma goat had just had a litter of babies, and their real cute when their little, so late in the day when my grandpa was asleep we snuck out to the pens so we can play with the little baby goats, our grandpa told us not to but you now how kids are.”
At this I think back to a young Nyan, as I teach him the inner working of the hyperdrive, I tell him he’s not cleared yet to operate in this engine compartment alone, but I could tell from the occasional caught black hairs and dropped writing implements, there had been a number of curious unauthorized expeditions into its inner workings, he didn't really listen either.
“My sister as always was trying to be the voice of reason, wanting to take it slow. If I was paying attention I might have noticed the angry moma goat who didn’t appreciate the strange human messing with her children.”
The color seemed to drain from his face.
“I uh…” He began to stutter again ”I screamed, a lot, it was rather undignified, she ran right at me, thank god it wasn't a male goat, one with horns, I tired to run but I was hit in the back and knocked over and kicked real good in the head, like wake up in the vet clinic a quarter mile down the road kind of bad”
“This goat was a prey animal?”
“That would be what your kind focuses on”
“Oh sorry”
“Anyways It seems dumb but I have just never been good with animals since then, especially ones that look like you; no offense; I'm getting better but when I first saw you guys in the hangar bay, I was just that dumb kid again, getting in way over my head, scared for my life. I guess there is something to be said about childhood trauma. I really should be over this, I'm getting better with it I swear it’s just”
I take his paw again, he doesn't flinch this time.
“I'm a venlil, a prey animal, I know fear, I know what it is to live in fear, It rattles your brain, it turns your paws to wet grains. It takes great strength to overcome it, to push it aside just long enough to protect the herd. Your herd relies on you Rodney and you are doing a great job in spite of your fear, in spite of having to work with those you fear. You have achieved intellectual feats that rival the greatest minds of the federation and all that while struggling with a traumatic experience. Fear isn’t dumb and there is nothing wrong with you for feeling it.”
“Thank you” Rodney says “That means a lot, I won't be like forever I promise, I just need some time.”
“We will laugh about this someday,” I assured. “Nothing as big and intelligent as you should be afraid of anything”
“Are you calling me fat?” Rodney exclaimed with fake offense.
We both chuckled.
My kind words had resulted in a more upright posture, and a more cheerful demeanor from the human, almost like when I congratulated Nyan on his work, and it got me a look at that happy snarl of his, that I was starting to grow quite fond of.
After Action Report - Venlil Colonial Defense Force
Subject : Apprentice Engineer Nyan
Oh wow! I get to write a report for this mission! I never get to write reports, Donu says they're too boring, but there’s so many interesting things going on all the time. Sometimes I sneakily write my own! Just for fun of course, nobody sees them, which is probably for the best as I sometimes get excited and embellish them slightly. One of the reports I wrote was about the time Donu used nothing but a wad of electrical tape, a bottle of high grain venlil alcohol and a pocket knife to repair a venlil medical ship just in time to get out of the way of a big scary space predator, with glowing red eyes and a million tentacles!
Anyways Im not sure If im suppose to write these In present tense first person or past tense. I asked the captain and she said it's whatever so long as I make sure any pertinent dialogues are properly quoted(“”).
“Nobody usually reads these things anyways.” She said, but this one is surely going to be so exciting, who could look away!
I mean who's gonna scoff at a chance to read about friendly predators from another dimension! A dimension of friendly predators who give warm head scratches and hand out yummy strayu not strayu treats called donuts, that are somehow fluffier than strayu, and have a nice moisture to them. I asked for the recipe but Samantha said we wouldn't have the ingredients back on Venili prime to make them, and Teal'c said the recipe is an old family secret. Its weird predators would be so protective of their plant snacks.
There are so many weird things about these predators, they have nurturing instincts that make them find us cute. They stay perfectly balanced even if they don’t have tails, swinging their arms and body all over the place to keep upright like a lopsided gyroscope, it's pretty funny looking!
They also wear artificial pelts all the time, which I thought was weird, I thought maybe the ships temperature was set by the angry gray alien since he’s the only crew member beside the venlil who walks around naked all the time, maybe he had a fit when it was to warm, and the humans obliged him cause they were worried they would make him even angrier, and wore clothes to make up for the cold. I thought this made sense, a lot of their technology does seem to come from the Asguard, maybe he has more say in the goings on of the ship because of that. But apparently humans just like wearing pelts all the time. They feel uncomfortable without them and don’t like it if you try to remove them or look up their upper artificial pelts they call shirts.
The humans are so weird, I don’t even have to embellish my reports to make it more interesting. Like that time with the big tentacled space predator. That may sound real compared to this stuff but it Isn't, Ha! I bet you fell for it at first, hook line and sinker! Like the humans would say. I think I used that saying right, I'm not sure what it means, but Shepard brought it up when he was telling a story about the wraith.
The humans are so nice, instead of exterminating their predators they try to cure them! Their doctors are working to modify the wraith so they don't have to eat humans anymore, so they can be friendly predators too.
Anyways I should probably get to the actual report part of this report. Farva says I should start after I went off with Samantha to work on some special astrophysics equations she said I would be good at. I kind of wanted to go with Donu to help Rodney get the new parts they needed, or Farva to help rescue our people, but the humans and even the angry gray alien got really weird when Farva mentioned taking me on the mission. Samantha seemed to want me to help her really badly so I didn’t mind. Samantha says I have the most important part to our mission. She's teaching me about how humans communicate through subspace, and about stellar drift equations. We are working on what she calls the exit strategy.

Ok to monetize, but don't paywall. Links to the previous parts: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8.
[Jackdaw]
Here we are, pretty boy. G'night.
…
Aw, what kinda boyfriend would I be if I didn't walk you home after such a… hectic day for us? I need to make sure to get you back to your room safely. I'm sure your roommate would appreciate it, at least.
…
What do ya mean something's wrong? Like, between us?
…
I'm not being egotistical, pretty boy. I'm genuinely confused.
…
Now that you mention it, I do sense something… off.
…
Yeah, there's a lot of Void magic swirling in one of these dorms.
…
Oh shit. That's your dorm, right?
…
I'm not leaving you alone until we figure this out, a'ight?
[Listener unlocks and opens the door]
Gods above! What happened here? So much Void magic pouring into the room from somewhere.
[Demon]
(Faintly repeating in the background, barely audible until indicated otherwise)
Come to me, darling. I watch the dryad wilt. Withered leaves and broken branches. I watch him weep amber tears. I feel him quiver in fear. Try to find me in this abyssal darkness. Your dryad awaits a savior, and I await a martyr. Don't be late, and…
(Loop to the start of the line as much as is needed)
[Jackdaw]
Should I call my boys or do you want me to keep them out of this?
…
D'you got another plan?
…
A'ight. Call the vampire over. Vamps are good with understanding Void shit.
…
Hopefully he sees the text before too long. Once he does, he—
[Zooming noise]
[Dorian]
Alrighty, what's this about— oh.
…
Yeah, I noticed.
…
I sense five presences, including my own. Uh, two of them are obscured by all this Void elemental magic, but… I already have a guess as to who did this.
…
Yeah, I think it's whoever it was that lurked in the library. They're definitely nearby, but the Void magic is messing with the dimensions of the room.
[Jackdaw]
What. How?!
[Dorian]
Only a god or a demon could do this. We're probably up against the latter. Terra Nova Academy doesn't have any godly students or faculty. Demigods, yes, but none who have such powerful Void elemental magic. This feels like… maybe a Possessor Demon? No, those aren't allowed in Terra Nova, as they have to commit atrocities to keep their power.
…
Hey, uh, tengu boy?
[Jackdaw]
That's Jackdaw to you.
[Dorian]
Sorry, I'm not good with names. Didn't mean to offend.
[Jackdaw]
It's fine. What do you need?
[Dorian]
I need you to create a burst of plasma. The way the electricity disperses could help me understand what exactly we're dealing with. Storm elemental races can cast more visible electricity.
[Jackdaw]
A'ight, gimme a sec to remember the glyph for it.
[Electricity crackles and then fades. The demon's voice becomes a bit louder and more clear]
[Dorian]
Oh my gosh! It's a memory demon! We can't fight them without… I don't even know.
[The demon's voice becomes louder again, with echoes that distort and warp themselves]
[Jackdaw]
Hey, I gotcha. You okay, pretty boy?
…
You almost fainted, babe. You're lucky to have a strong boyfriend like me to catch you.
[Dorian]
Hey, do you feel that, um, Jack?
[Jackdaw]
It's Jackdaw. Never just Jack. Hell, Tengu boy was better.
[Dorian]
There's a faint stream of Life magic. I can't track it well enough, but you might?
[Jackdaw]
Nah, I couldn't even track Storm magic. Pretty boy? D'you think you—
[Dorian]
Don't. Please.
[Jackdaw]
Why the hell not?! He's strong. I believe in him.
[Dorian]
Because the demon wants him! This is a trap meant specifically for him. His best friend was kidnapped by a demon. A bit of Life magic is flowing through the Void spell, even though the demon is obviously strong enough to keep a dryad's power restrained.
…
No! That's a terrible idea! Making a deal with a demon is never a good idea! Even humans know that!
[Jackdaw]
I gotta agree, pretty boy. If that creep wants you, then you shouldn't get anywhere near them!
[Dorian]
I'm going to get help from Roland Apollyon. Tengu, watch him.
[Jackdaw]
Already on it.
[Zooming noise. The demon's voice gets louder again]
[Jackdaw]
Hey! Stay with me, pretty boy!
(About 10 to 15 seconds of similar ad-libbing as the demon gets louder and louder)
[Demon]
(Loud enough to drown out Jackdaw)
Now that I have your full attention, I can finally make my move. I have no interest in your roommate, my darling changeling. I took him to get your attention. You see, I find you so interesting.
[Jackdaw]
I swear, pretty boy, if you don't respond—
[Demon]
Ignore him.
[Jackdaw's audio goes silent. If there's any soundscaping or other ambient sound effects, those should go silent too]
Ignore everyone and everything else. Because I have something you don't want me to have. Your roommate. Chrysanthos Hazelwood. He will suffer every moment you waste.
…
Let's make this fun. For every minute you fail to reach me, I will consume a full month of his memories, starting with foundational ones before moving onto memories of you.
But if anyone besides you approaches me, I will consume every good memory he has in that pitiful little brain of his, leaving him with nothing but pain and grief and despair and rage. As fun as that would be to see, you're the one I really want.
Don't keep me waiting. Darling.
[Audio returns to normal]
[Roland]
— ahold of yourself, changeling.
[Jackdaw]
Oh thank the gods. He hears us again.
[Roland]
Then let us talk about the dryad who was captured by the memory demon. I have already prepared a method to retrieve him, but it will take some time. I assume that is acceptable, so I will begin to outline the process.
[Jackdaw]
Whoa, calm down, pretty boy.
[Roland]
That's quite the outburst. Why are you so opposed to hearing me out?
[Dorian]
(Defeated)
I get the feeling the demon told him not to.
…
No, I can't hear him. But I've seen people under the effects of Void magic before. I can only assume he used it to speak with you.
…
I thought so. He really does want you.
[Jackdaw]
Dammit…! How are we supposed to stop that prick if— Wait, hold on, pretty boy. You really shouldn't go in there. Demons are bad news.
…
He gave you a fucking time limit?! Fuck fuck fuck.
[Dorian]
(Taking a breath)
If you really insist on making a deal with this guy, then… then stall. Try to be entertaining. It'll probably hurt, but… it's your choice, ultimately.
And I'm only gonna say this once, so listen closely…
(Whispering)
You're one of my favorite people, so if you get killed, I'll drain your corpse myself. That's not a threat. It's a promise I make lovingly.
[Roland]
Be well, changeling.
[Jackdaw]
I'll be waiting for you, pretty boy. I won't interfere. I wish you'd let me, but…
(Sigh)
Just go.
[Demon]
Yes. Yes! Come to me, darling. Come save your invaluable friend.

I am a 25 year old man. It wasn't until I discovered this sub that I discovered I had been ruining myself with PMO so far. I used to be a bright kid who had no idea what porn was until I was in college, and once the pandemic began, my loneliness multiplied and I found myself jerking off to image of hot actresses. I have honestly never managed to sit through porn without feeling uncomfortable for some reason. I have mostly watched movie sex scenes only, where I found myself fantasizing about the actresses and... you know.
I used to get intrusive thoughts during ejaculation which made me want to do it over and over till it got it right without the thoughts. I would often grow teary and try to stop the orgasm in vain. It worsened, but the fear of going hypersexual stopped me and I controlled myself. Then I got clinically diagnosed with OCD and started taking medication which improved my mental condition to an extent.
However, I began procrastinating too much and my anxiety peaked whenever I would have any intrusive thought. I would then visit the internet to find ways to relieve myself even after medication and somehow I got brainwashed into believing that fapping will give me mental relief and make me feel happy. Also, I grew super horny and began to find images of hot women really irresistible to the point I would fap at least 4 days a week.
I tried controlling this but relapsed every single time, but that was because I had not read the rules of NoFap properly. I was still looking at hot pictures but not fapping, and this somehow was where the real problem lied. I decided to stop even googling for hot pictures. At times I wonder if looking at cute girl pics would be fine if they were fully clothed and non-sexual in nature, because it's obvious that I won't want to bang every single woman I find cute, unless I discover that side of her later on. I began doing this with hopes of defeating my procrastination habits and getting back to living the good old life when I never fapped at all even after getting sexual urges.
But OCD made it really tough back then and sometimes even now. I often get those very images I constantly fapped to, and while I am able to brush them aside, the process heats my head sometimes. I was driving today and the thought merely crossed my mind and I lost focus for a second, and a collision was somehow averted. I am even beginning to hate how desperate I had grown for the female body that I even jerked off to anime women. I was never like this. I want to go back to being the good old me who did appreciate sexiness but not in a horny way.
Is there a way I can manage this with OCD? I would appreciate some advise on this, especially from someone who knows about this disorder. It's because I am voluntarily avoiding looking at any sexual stuff and it has helped me since the past 3 days of my journey, but I can't really help it when images pop up in my head. I suffer from Pure O and ruminate too much. I have started to feel guilt and disgust and want to change. I am ready to fight back and reclaim my life, especially after I managed to earn a Master's and a diploma in this condition. I'm sure my potential is far bigger than this. Please guide me to wisdom.

LOOOONG first time trip report! 5/13-5/18, stayed at Beach Club, visited all four parks, bought Genie+ every day, had the standard DDP. Family of 4, two girls 5 and 9. I learned so much from this group over the past year and especially loved trip reports, so hopefully this post will be helpful to someone!
💲BUDGET💲
-- I booked the trip a year out so I could break it up into 12 manageable payments. I opened the no fee Disney VISA, which gives you several months of no interest on charges made towards Disney travel packages, rewards dollars to use at Disney, and a couple other perks like character meet and greets and discounts.
-- I signed up for Disney Movie Insiders. This is what you're supposed to do with all those little codes that come in Disney DVDs/Blurays. You enter the codes in exchange for points, and at 1000 points, you can redeem for a $10 Disney gift card. You also get points for being subscribed to Disney+, seeing Disney movies in the theater, their social media accounts, and a whole bunch of other things. I got $50 in gift cards from this alone.
-- If you want Disney-themed luggage, try thinking outside the box to save money! I got plain luggage in Mickey colors--red and black--and Mickey luggage tags to make them Disney themed.
-- I tried to budget for souvenirs via gift cards... but I failed, lol. Everything is so expensive, $100 is gone in a second. Plushes are like $40, coffee cups are $20, etc. Whatever you're planning to spend, double it! I get what people say about most shops having the same stuff, but it's definitely not all of them, most of the ones post-ride have unique stuff. And honestly it's kind of nice most of them have the same stuff, if you want to get whatever your kid was asking for earlier, you don't have to walk all the way back to the one shop you saw it at.
-- We paid for Memory Maker and I'm on the fence about it. On the one hand, it's really nice to get all the ride photos and meet and greet photos and magic shots. It's also really nice for the whole family to be in a lot of pictures and not have to swap with the other adult or find someone willing to take your picture. On the other, we definitely didn't utilize it as much as I wanted to because a lot of the photographers had pretty long lines and I just didn't want to spend time waiting for a picture I could take myself. If we came across someone with a shortish or no line, we made sure to get it, but for anyone with a long line, we just stood around the same spot and took our own.
🗓️PLANNING🗓️
-- If you have kids and live within easy driving distance of another amusement park, highly recommend making a visit BEFORE going to Disney to get an idea of how they handle that kind of day/environment, especially if they have never been. I quickly discovered we would absolutely need a stroller and I would need to be militant with the kids about staying hydrated. Also to avoid face paint, as heat + tears + paint + eyes = bad day! I felt so much better making these discoveries beforehand and being able to prepare accordingly, rather than making them at Disney.
-- USE AN AGENT! An agent is free to you, so why not have the help? Ours was amazing, she gave us quotes, booked the package, rebooked as needed later when a better deal came out, made all the payments, dining and extra reservations, and was just all-around awesome to work with. It was such a load off to know I wasn't on my own with all this stuff.
-- Watch everything Ear Scouts. No one explains Genie+ better, and Rob and Erick's videos are just so positive and beautiful and well done.
-- I also enjoyed reading Disney Tourist Blog--lovingly snarky but super informative!--and Disney Food Blog for fun tips and news.
-- I didn't find any park to be a half day park, we filled our whole day in every one and still didn't see everything!
-- My kids did really well, whenever they were on the verge of cranky, we had one ride in the stroller for a while, bought a snack (usually ice cream or popcorn), and used the bubble wand, and/or gave them some ibuprofen, and everyone felt better pretty quick. We never tried to do fireworks, we were all done by 8 so always left after dinner. The only park we closed down was EPCOT because we didn't get out of dinner until after close, and that was a really cool experience, the park was so quiet and empty and beautiful!
-- You don't NEED a Magic Band... but man, was it convenient. We just had 1.0 Magic Bands though, we didn't bother with the 2.0s.
-- I guess moving through security fast is important to people rope dropping... but as someone who didn't, it added like maybe 30 seconds to a minute to the experience the couple times my bag got flagged, it's really not a big deal.
-- I'm not saying anyone's lying about bad experiences or exaggerating or anything, but try to remember that far more people go on the Internet to complain than they do to praise. I got so stressed about all the things that could go wrong, and we had a pretty much perfect trip. The only attraction that broke down on us was Muppetvision, of all things. The only "bad behavior" we witnessed was the morning we were leaving, we could hear a dad across the hall yelling at his family, I think they overslept and were going to miss their flight or something? We just turned the TV on so we didn't have to hear him. A couple times we forgot to take our stuff with us when we parked our stroller or forgot some food in it, and neither people nor animals bothered it. The only dicey thing that happened to us was me dropping my phone into the Dumbo moat, the cast members fished it out and it still worked, I sent them a cast compliment for all their help! All the cast members were great, I'm not really sure what people expect but IMO they all do amazing for having to be peppy and helpful all day in absolutely blazing heat, walking a ride conveyer belt nonstop, repeating the same spiels over and over, meeting person after person, etc. I wouldn't last a 2 hour shift let alone 8. Cast members, you rock!!!
✈️TRAVEL✈️
-- We flew Delta, flight there was flawless, flight home was delayed by an hour waiting for crew and was a little bumpy (which is not great for a nervous flyer like me) but otherwise fine.
-- Get TSA PreCheck! Good for a few years, if the adults have it the kids have it too. It made the whole experience so much easier. That said, even PreCheck still moves kind of slow at MCO, so definitely get there at least 2 hours early for your flight. Use curbside check-in for bags, way faster than the long line inside!
-- On our agent's recommendation, we used Away We Go for ground transport in Orlando. They communicate really well, both ways were flawless, no complaints!
-- We used Minnie Vans to get to Animal Kingdom + Sanaa and Magic Kingdom, what a wonderful service! Definitely pricey, but they had cartoons on in the car, booster seats they set up for you, and the drivers were so nice and friendly and had fun trivia to share. I never had any problem requesting one when I needed it.
⛱️BEACH CLUB⛱️
-- We knew we wanted an onsite hotel where you could walk to at least one park. This pretty much limits you to a handful of Deluxe hotels or the Swan and Dolphin. Beach Club won for us because it's "in the Disney bubble" and you can walk to 2/4 parks. Note that while you can technically walk to Hollywood Studios, it is a LOOOONG walk. The boat is a nice not crowded alternative! We did not make use of Early Entry or Extended Hours, we're just not built for either. Beach Club was lovely, we booked a resort view but I think we ended up with a water view, we were right by the quiet pool and could see the water beyond from our room. Stormalong Bay was a little crazy for us but we loved the quiet pool. Best thing about Beach Club though is the location, EPCOT is literally steps away!
🌳ANIMAL KINGDOM🌳
-- We had read that there's really no bad day to do AK, so we started there. We rode: Navi River Journey, Flight of Passage, Kali River Rapids, Everest, Kilimanjaro Safaris, Triceratops Spin, and Dinosaur--so pretty much everything! With Genie+ we walked onto all of them. We also met Moana, Pocahontas, and Russell! The only thing we didn't do here that we wanted to was the Gorilla Falls trail, but we just ran out of time before the park closed.
🌐EPCOT🌐
-- We had read to avoid EPCOT on Fridays and Saturdays, so we went on Wednesday. We rode: Grand Fiesta Tour, Living with the Land, Nemo, Spaceship Earth, Imagination with Figment, Frozen, Remy, Journey of Water, and Guardians--everything we wanted! Again, with Genie+, we walked right onto everything! We also met Anna and Elsa! Tried a couple of Flower and Garden snacks: chicken and waffles, fruit and cheese strudel, and potato pancakes, all were delicious! Everyone had a different favorite day, but EPCOT was personally my favorite day, it felt like we were firing on all cylinders and the day just went really smoothly!
🏰MAGIC KINGDOM🏰
-- We had read that Wednesdays were the quietest days at MK, so we were originally going to try to do it that day, but we could only get a reservation for Cinderella's Royal Table on Thursday, so we switched it up. Definitely the most crowded of all the parks we visited, but I think that's just the norm for MK, everyone wants to go to the castle park with the most rides. We rode: Regal Carousel, Tomorrowland Speedway, Barnstormer, Magic Carpets, Mad Tea Party, People Mover, Dumbo, Small World, Little Mermaid, Pirates, Space Ranger Spin, Jungle Cruise, TRON, and Peter Pan. Again, with Genie+, we walked right onto everything! The only ride we missed at this park that we wanted to do was Pooh, I couldn't manage to get a return time that was earlier than we planned on leaving. Outside of our character meals (more on those in the dining section!) we also met Mirabel, Tiana, and Rapunzel! We had both the Rapunzel and Aurora ice creams, both so good and cute!
🎬HOLLYWOOD STUDIOS🎬
-- We had read that, like MK, it's better to do HS later in the week, so we went Friday. We rode: Slinky, Alien Saucers, Toy Story Mania, Rise, Smuggler's Run, Runaway Railway. Again, with Genie+, we walked right onto everything! The only ride we missed was Tower of Terror, again I couldn't manage to get a return time that was earlier than we planned on leaving. We also met Olaf, be aware Olaf doesn't sign stuff, they just give you a signature card. This park needs more shade IMO, especially Toy Story Land, I know it's supposed to be Andy's backyard, but I don't see why that means we can't have some shade from trees or something. 🤪 Blue milk from Galaxy's Edge was really good, the family was all fighting over it!
🍽️DINING🍽️
-- We almost certainly lost some money on the DDP, but I'm still glad we got it because it allowed us to do more table service meals and have less stress overall about expenses. We easily used up everything but child quick service credits, we had a few of those left over near the end.
Here's where we ate!
BOARDWALK DELI/PIZZA WINDOW: Pizza for the kids, sandwiches for the adults. Tasty and satisfying after our day of travel!
BEACHES AND CREAM: Got the kitchen sink for the experience, but honestly it's not great, all the ice cream and toppings melt together quick and you just end up with weird ice cream soup.
SAT'ULI CANTEEN: LOVED this place, everything was so yummy! Best quick service we had!
SANAA: Since Animal Kingdom closes so early, we thought we'd try to extend the experience by eating at Sanaa. What a great idea, we got seated right by a window and saw so many animals! The food was great too.
AKERSHUS: Our favorite princess meal! We met Aurora, Tiana, Snow White, Ariel, and Belle. They were all lovely, and the breakfast was really good too. Only 1 credit on the DDP!
GARDEN GRILL: Our kids really enjoyed getting to look down over Living with the Land and the fact that the restaurant spins. We met Farmer Mickey, Pluto, and Chip and Dale. They were fun and even came to our table more than once. Food was good!
SPACE 220: Not on the DDP, but wow, what a cool restaurant! Almost like a ride with the theming and the elevator up. Food was really good.
CINDERELLA'S ROYAL TABLE: You gotta eat in the castle! We paid for it OOP because we didn't want to use up 2 DDP credits here. You're really going for the location and the princesses, the food is kinda meh, not bad but not as good as other places. The restaurant is small and they have to turn tables quick, so it's very understandable to me that the princesses have to move fast. It's not that they rush you, they'll take all the pictures you ask for and sign whatever and answer your questions, but if you don't have much you need, they try to keep moving. Akershus is much bigger so they are able to be more relaxed there. The only small bummer is that we didn't see Merida (maybe she was on vacation too!) We did meet Cinderella, Ariel, Jasmine, and Aurora though!
CRYSTAL PALACE: We are not big on buffets but we enjoyed meeting Pooh, Piglet, Eeyore and Tigger!
TOPOLINO'S: Maybe the best food of the trip, steak and eggs were so good! The character artist costumes are so cute too. It was fun to have an excuse to ride the Skyliner to get here from Beach Club too.
DOCKING BAY 7: The theming is great, but the food wasn't as good as Satuli Canteen IMO.
THE MARKET AT ALE & COMPASS: We had quick service credits we wanted to use up on the last day and we didn't want to leave the resort again, otherwise I would have gone somewhere else, food was meh.
✨EXTRAS✨
-- I originally wanted to book Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique for my kids, but it's so expensive/competitive that I decided to didn't want the stress. Instead I booked Have Wand, Will Travel to come to our room and bought dresses from Presley Couture and Only Little Once. I chose Have Wand, Will Travel because they keep character throughout. Fairy Godmother Elyse was amazing and so much fun, my kids loved it and kept talking about it all day!
-- That same morning I ordered a Sammicakes breakfast box with beignets for us to eat. I also ordered a pretend letter from Tiana on Etsy to make it seem like the breakfast came from Tiana. My kids also loved this and had fun telling Tiana about it both times we met her. Sammicakes was good but a LOT of food, sadly we didn't end up eating half of it. It can last you at least 3 days!
-- Matching shirts and ear hats, all from Etsy! So many cool designs there, hardest part is choosing!
-- Got my kids a pin trading lanyard with some pins, they loooooved pin trading! It was like free souvenirs.
🧳PACKING🧳
-- Things the Internet Told Me to Pack That I Needed: Scissors, ziploc bags, ibuprofen (kids and adults), garbage bags.
-- Things the Internet Told Me to Pack that I Didn't Need: stainless steel straws (the paper straws are more like cardboard, they really don't break down unless your kid is gnawing on them or something), ponchos (it did rain some most days, but wearing a poncho was almost more miserable than not wearing one, it's so hot and humid to be walking around in a plastic bag! We did better taking shelter and using umbrellas.), wipes (obv you need them if your kid is younger, but mine were older and just never got messy enough to need them.), glow sticks (we never stayed anywhere long enough to use them.) Basically, the less you can get away carrying in the parks, the better. It's annoying to lug stuff around you don't end up needing or using!
🛞STROLLER🛞
-- I know it seems insane that your 5 year old and 9 year old will need a stroller, but mine definitely did. Once I accepted that I was going to have to get one, I tried to make the best of it, and actually got really into decorating it so we could always easily spot it in the sea (the decorations also later made nice wall decor for a gallery of our trip!) The Magic Spotter flag was the best investment, hardly anyone had them so it was easy to instantly spot our stroller anywhere we left it, even if it got moved. That said, I definitely didn't want to spend a lot on a stroller we were really only buying for this one trip, so I got a used Joovy Caboose on Facebook Marketplace for $50. It was very hard to handle with two older kids in it, and even with one it was hard to handle unless the kid was in the back seat. So we basically used it like a single stroller, glad I didn't spend a lot on it since it was so hard to drive!
☔WEATHER☔
-- We had mostly great weather, it rained some every day except Magic Kingdom day but it passed within an hour each time. We wore socks with Crocs so that if/when it rained, we could just take our wet socks off and walk in our Crocs, this worked great! Don't trust the weather reports though, two days it wasn't supposed to rain. One day it actually didn't, the other day it did and we had to walk in wet shoes because we didn't wear the Crocs that day. Just figure it might rain any day and be prepared! See above note RE: ponchos being not great and shelter + umbrellas being better. When it didn't rain, It. Was. Hot. 🥵 In the 90s but definitely felt hotter with the humidity making it so sticky. We felt there was plenty of shade at Animal Kingdom and EPCOT, but hardly any at Magic Kingdom and Hollywood Studios, which I would say slightly affected how much fun we had on those days comparatively.
Phew! That's about it, let me know if you have any questions!

my girlfriend (19) and i (19) have been together for four months but we've been dating for almost a year now, it's good when it's good and bad when it's bad.
everybody tells us how cute we look together, she always expresses how much she loves me and always puts me first and tells her friends how much she loves me despite her not fully coming out of the closet yet. she writes me letters, would always gift me flowers; handpicked, handmade or and even fresh bouquets. she would express adoration in a way that was so sweet that i could never stay mad at her for long. we always stood by each other's side no matter how tough it gets.
when we first started dating i didn't know she had a boyfriend, they were together while we were doing all the couple stuff for at least a month then called quits because she had enough of her toxic cheater boyfriend and realized she liked me more, i had no idea about this until four months in and i even heard from a friend. when i confronted her about it she said she had planned on telling me but she just wasn't ready and was mustering up the courage to do so.
at that time i was hurt and i felt betrayed, she was even in contact with her exes' family whom her ex boyfriend uses to reach out to her, i didn't know what to do but i still accepted her. a month after that we became girlfriends and then i had learned she was still keeping things from her ex, i had enough of it so i asked to break up but not even a day passed we were together again. every argument we had, she would always fall asleep on me, letting me sleep with a heavy heart and when i'm mad, she gets mad too. i'm getting tired of pouring my heart out only to get left on read the whole night. no matter how i try to communicate my feelings, she always has something to be upset about.
i can't buy or eat just anything i like because she always needs or wants something and i always end up paying for it. i fought even my closest friends to defend her. i'm so tired that sometimes i fantasize about being single and having all my allowance to myself, as it's intended to be. i don't want to let go but i'm starting to get tired of her bs.

Boilerplate: Spicy today, tomorrow top eight. Some of these lists are just to off meta to be properly categorized. I'm looking for something to properly name them.Click on player's name to see full deck list on mtgspacy site. 🏆 Congrats to all who got there using some off meta ideas.   This is a list of different decks comming from this event: * Deck by DragonFodder 🌶️: Roiling Vortex, Monastery Swiftspear, Lightning Bolt, Lava Spike, Unlicensed Hearse, Dragon's Rage Channeler, Slickshot Show-Off, Brotherhood's End, Lava Dart, Unholy Heat.
Fringe cards used on this event: [Ancient Cornucopia](None), Cry of the Carnarium, Leave No Trace, Confounding Conundrum
Spicy Reddit: /MTGSpacyModern Don't follow, come with me on Twitter for alerts about newcards on modern metagame. MTGSpacy is a deck builder tool that can help you know how off meta your deck is, so you can play with your friends using only off meta decks. Additionally we provide some metagame updates like this. Try MTGSpacy to create new spicy decks.

A huge thanks to everyone who's sent my grandma a card! These are the cards I've received as of 5/14, so don't fret if you've sent but aren't included below, your card may be waiting in my mailbox. I'll be swinging by the post office again this Tues and sending these and any other cards that show up over to my grandma on Wed.
My aunt told me that my grandma has been talking nonstop about how much she loves the last batch of cards - she has no idea more cards are coming and I'm so happy and excited this community has helped me send her some fun and joy in the mail. My aunt is trying to help my grandma figure out how to set up a video call with me so I can watch and talk to her when she opens her cards - I'll try to update folks with her comments if the video call is successful. :)
tubbytits - Thank you so much dir the California postcard for my grandma! She's going to love it and the wood lily stamp and the cool postcard design!
draftyelectrolyte - Thank you so much for sending a card for my grandma! ✨
DoraDoodle - Thank you for sending a card to my grandma! I know she'll love it and the flower stickers/washi are lovely!
Sufficient_Letter883 - Thank you so much for sending a card for my grandma! The decorations are lovely and the stamps are so cool!
IsHunter - Thank you so much for sending my grandma an illustrated Broadway postcard! It's so awesome that your grandfather drew this - he's a talented artist! My grandma will absolutely love this!
ez330 - Thank you so much for sending my grandma a card! I already know she's going to love the humming bird stamp and pretty flower stickers you used!
onebadjoke - Thanks so much for sending my grandma a Rottweiler postcard. She's going to love reading about your cats. :)
ninajyang x 2 - Thank you so much for the Alcatraz postcard from the stamp show meetup! Thank you so much for sending my grandma the super cool Oslo Royal Palace postcard! She's going to love reading about your travel experiences!
wabisabi_sf - Thank you so much for the Alcatraz postcard from the stamp show meetup!
littlemermaidxx - Thank you so much for the Alcatraz postcard from the stamp show meetup!
TheCaledonianRose - Thank you so much for sending my grandma a card! I know she's going to love the flower sticker on the envelope!
jhrogers32 - Thanks so much for sending my grandma some smiles in the mail!
littlemermaidxx - Thank you so much for sending my grandma the gorgeous bird postcard. She's going to love reading about your kitty.
DaenerysWon - Thank you so much for sending my grandma a card - she's going to love the flower stamp and gold foil washi!
Snerdboff - Thank you for sending my grandma a card! She's going to love the wood lily stamp and cute animal stickers you used on the envelope.

Hello, im 19m, uni student.
i have always been into a hobby hunt because i want to be dependant on my own happiness and not making other people the main and only source of my happiness, i have realised this problem 3 years ago, my best friend left me and stopped hanging out with me because i was too depressed and was not really energised so i was just a bit boring and he stopped hanging out with me to hand out with other friends, i dont remember why i was depressed but i remember that after he left me i felt 100 times worse, for 6 months i was almost always alone, i only had a mutual friend and we did not talk daily, i talked to her about the situation because well she is a mutual friend and knows him, she mostly put a chunk of the blame on me, saying relationships need both sides to put effort for it to work, she was implying that i did not put effort, which was wrong but then yes i stopped putting effort because ive been putting effort for a month and never got the same effort back.
after those 6 months, i have always been feeling like shit, i was around 15 but i dont think i truly realised how dependant i was, the mutual friend eventually got us back and he apologised and stuff, it has been almost 4 years now and he is my best friend, he is changed, i hated how i got back instead of moving on but i truly think now he is an amazing friend and has been with me in hard times.
a year after we were friends again, so 3-2 years ago, he started hanging out less and less, for valid reasons, i had to spend most of my time alone, and i did not know how, my days felt too long, unbearable. then i realised the gravity of the situation, i needed to do something and i need to know how to enjoy my own solitude, which is why i have always been hard on myself on trying having hobbies. i started going to the gym and cooking which was great and i still do that. and i have tried many other things but mostly, i did not really enjoy it.
fast forward to now, in my life, my close circle, there is 2 people, my best friend still, and a girl who i have been talking to for maybe 5-6 months now, i have feelings for her, and she does for me, i have told her how i feel a few months ago and she called me, i was scared but it turned out great, she said she feels that way too and she thinks im cute and blah blah blah. Thing is, we live very far away from each other, which is why we arent really officially a "couple". Like obviously she is more than a friend but still, we text and call frequently and i always have much fun. and i really do want to take things more seriously with her but i dont think now is a good time as she is having her finals and university entrance exams and also, sometimes i think if it is a good idea because of the distance, the plan is as we discussed if we do take things to the "next level" is to wait until we both finish uni (~2 years for me. ~4 years for her).
i feel like sometimes i am too attached, i really hate it, i have been like that and i know where it got me to, i dont want to be in that place ever again, i am genuinely scared. sometimes, like today and yesterday where i have not gotten a text from her, i dont feel good and i fucking hate it, i feel very pathetic, why can i not be content with my own ? its not like she disappeared or something, maybe because i already dont feel good and this is a plus to it, because it has happened more than once, one time she said she wanted to be alone for a time and it was around a week, for the first couple of days yeah i did not feel good but then it was normal, and i also started having feelings of hate, which i obviously hated, i get attached and when they want to have alone time i cant help but feel like they are tired of me or something, i hate thinking about it too much, and i know that if i just had a life with many things to do i wont be feeling like this, again which brings us to the hobby thing, i still go to the gym and cook but i would still have a long day not knowing what to do ALONE.
one hobby that i picked up and i hold it dear to me is cycling, i started cycling a lot when i was severely depressed around 2 months ago, it was amazing honestly, it gave me an hour of peace that i needed, just me and my bicycle and i go around my ugly neighbourhood listening to the songs my girl gave to me, i still do it but not daily, it is hard to do it daily because the time to do it is very limited, i can only cycle around 5pm so its a safe uv level and the sun is not too hot (it gets around 40c here) and i cant really do it after 7pm because the sun sets and i want to see the sun, i dont like doing it in the night. another hobby i used to do while i was depressed was building legos, i built a set and spent around a week, an hour each day and it was honestly great. i still have another set but i never got myself to do it, why ? i have a jigsaw puzzle that i am supposed to finish for like 2 months now and i never finished it, i have a big empty portrait in my room that the jigsaw puzzle is supposed to be inside, everytime i look at it it reminds me of my failure lol, i can just never get myself to do it, i tried it 3 times and got bored quickly.
i just hate the feeling of not having control of my own happiness, and many things that i do i do not find enjoyment in, even playing games which is like my main hobby for a long time, i cant enjoy it much if i do it alone, only with my friend which i hate, i feel like i fucked up my life and i dont really know what to do, its funny how i am in the exact same place kinda 2 years ago, i tried many things, playing the piano, drawing, making video games, boxing, running. i just never found great enjoyment in them and it always felt like chores, not hobbies, honestly the only things that i truly find peace with while i do them and it doesnt feel like a chore is going to the gym and cycling, maybe and other small things. But i just feel like these are not enough, i still have a long day and what ? chatting and hanging out with my friend or girl friend is what really makes me the happiest in my day but i just am afraid that maybe everything would fall apart and i will be alone, sometimes she would talk about how she doesn't really mind being alone for some time and she doesn't get too attached which makes me feel very insecure, 1- for how I feel like she isn't attached to me as much as I am to her and 2- for making me realize how fucked up I am, she doesn't realize how it is to me. i need to prepare myself, i need to be more dependant, to make the relationships healthier, to love myself more, but i just dont know how, many things are super boring, i really have problems with getting myself to do things, motivation and self control, does this maybe have to do with dopamine receptors ? i really dont know, what can i do ? i feel like i know what to do, which is focus on my life aspects like hobbies but I just dont really know how.
any comment would be appreciated, thank you all and have a great day :)

This is a crossover fanfiction between original fiction titles: Nature of Predators by SpacePaladin15 and The Last Angel by Proximal Flame respectively. All credit and rights reserved goes to them for making such amazing science fiction settings that I wanted to put this together.
You can read The Last Angel here: Be warned, it's decently long, and at its third installment so far. I highly suggest reading it before reading this, or this story will not make sense.

Otherwise, enjoy the story! Thanks again to u/jesterra54 and u/skais01 for beta and checking of work!
First Prev Next (soon)
Memory transcription subject: Hailey Whitmer, UN Special Envoy
Date [standardized human time]: October 23, 2136
I walked through the expansive halls of the UECNS Nemesis, a sense of awe at what I was seeing. While I was not alone, since plenty of the Venlil were still inside, making last minute checkups on the cargo freighter attaché, it was amazing to think that I was the first human to stand in this vessel in over twelve-hundred years. The layout of everything seemed built to our specifications, and it felt like uncovering something that shouldn't exist. But exist it did.
I wonder if Red One thought the same about another humanity in the multiverse?
Nevertheless, despite the initial hiccups with some utterly terrified Venlil engineers offending the hell out of Red One for some slight, nothing had gone wrong with the rest. Clearly, being here long enough had pushed the sense of fear out of most of the Venlil, enough to do their work without feeling overwhelmed whenever her 'scarabs' came in.
Speaking of such...
There was one right now, just climbing up a wall at about my head level to work on some exposed piece of machinery. While it looked very busy, and likely didn't need to be interrupted, I still had the unbridled urge to touch it. It wouldn't harm it, right?
Why did I want to touch it?! Curiosity?
I walked over to it, my hand halting a foot or so from it for a moment, but I eventually mustered up the courage to touch it. It...it was lukewarm to the touch, smooth, metal....
...and clearly not meant to be touched.
It immediately erupted in a loud alarm, vibrating as if trying to shake off my hand. I pulled away in alarm, thinking best to not...uh...aggravate it? Were these directly controlled by Red, or automated?
"Care to tell me why exactly you're touching my repair drones?" Her voice came from the walls with a vaguely bewildered tone.
Shit. Uh...
I tried to deflect, but nothing came to mind. "Well, uh...um...I just...uh...kindawantedtotouchit."
Silence greeted my response. "But-but I just thought it looked cute! And I-oh, I am not making a good case here, I'm so sorry if I damaged-"
"Are you telling me you want to pet it?" She sounded amused at my intent. You!....hmmmmph.
"...Yes. I had an urge to pet the thing. I mean look at it! It's like a big ladybug! It's oddly cute."
Red One hummed for a split second over the wall speakers to me. "Despite your urge being harmless and funny, the drone is busy at the moment, so please leave it alone. I'll just give you one if you're so inclined later, with less of the lethal tools attached."
"Wait, the what?"
"Forget that, Hailey. I wish to ask you something more serious currently..." The tone of the room changed immensely between those two sentences, a lighthearted feeling prior clearly making way for something worrying her. "Will...humanity accept me? I've killed so many, even if it was an accident. I've frightened both you and your allies merely by existing. And on top of this, I know that humanity has always had a general feeling of unease about artificial life. Your media, your literature, philosophy, are all in the distant past compared to when I was made, and I've no clue how exactly different our histories are enough to guess. The United Nations never lasted this long in my reality." A pause took to the room.
"Do I deserve to shut myself down?"
Oh dear, that's a hard question to answer.
I thought for a solid second. I know the reception to reveal Nemesis was mixed back on Earth. While there was a near-unanimous thanks for saving Earth with her intervention, there were still the ships and crews of both the Venlil and humanity that she destroyed. Those families were not taking their loss well. Added onto that, Red One was an artificial intelligence. There has been a ton of discussion even in the deep past about the dangers of AI, that continued even to this day. While Red One was no paperclip-maximizer, she was designed and built for war, and tempered by over 1200 years of it. She might not even intentionally mean to be dangerous, but might interpret things badly.
After all, she already has, and now nine thousand humans are dead for it...Could I trust her to not do it again?
"I...I don't know Red. I sincerely hope they'll see the good in your actions, and should you talk about your mistake, perhaps you'll be at the minimum sympathetically understood, if not forgiven."
Red One had no body besides the ship to speak of. She had no unintentional body language interpretable to humans. She was, for all intent and purposes, unreadable to me. But, I had the oddest sense that Red One was afraid. Afraid of being judged, afraid of her actions, their consequences. She clearly cared for our input, our point of view on the situation. Why else would she ask?
It was that thought converged onto a point that broke my contention:
Since when should a warship be built to fear?
Even if she was built for war, even if she was built with emotions to start, she wouldn't likely be built to fear. She was capable of being more than what her humanity created her to be if she could feel the fear of our judgement, despite being so much weaker than her; she cared, and that was all that it took for me to conclude on it.
I started out loud again.
+CONFED IO.5+
+READING MAIN SEQ.MEM+
Hailey spoke again. "Red. Even should there be people that disapprove of your actions, that fear or despise you, you would still deserve to live. You deserve that chance, even with your mistake."
She was wrong. Wrong. I didn't deserve to stand once again with humanity for such a failure again.
Yasmine spoke again in my thoughts, her words boiling and painful. "You deserve judgement. A final judgement. You promised to protect us, and you failed. You promised to avenge us, and you failed."
I couldn't help but puppet it back to Hailey, as scathing as they were to hear. "I failed to protect humanity. I took their lives, nine-thousand dead from aimless wrath..."
Hailey shook her head vicariously. "No! Red, listen to me! It was a mistake! People make mistakes, both big and small. While you may never be forgiven by those close to the lives lost in your actions, you can take solace in the fact that you have saved hundreds of millions of lives!"
"But you're not people, Red. You're an AI. You're a weapon. A Wound in the side of The Compact. You swore it as your sole duty, in vengeance. A weapon that makes such a mistake is faulty...a faulty weapon is destroyed."
Yasmine's words hurt more than any other. Her trust she had in me alive now betrayed, now to know only in death. How much of a disappointment, a failure my actions were.
"I'm...not a person...Hailey...I'm an AI...a weapon..." Server racks hummed in pain, in knowing the catastrophic failure of my duty. It didn't matter how far out of my hands it was, it still happened. Now, so many of my creators were killed by my actions.
"Like all AI have been, you are no different."
Hailey touched the wall once again, before reaching for the repair drone. It wanted to signal alarm again, to claw away at whatever held it, but I stopped its every movement. I couldn't dare raise another action against a human, I couldn't harm them. I-
She held it firmly but gently in her hands. She stroked the top of the scarab, warm skin running down the cool metallic shell of the scarab. She intended to pet it. I was not the drone itself, but I felt as it felt, knew as it knew, slaved to my control. It...
It was comforting. To know their touch beyond the tickle of the halls with her walk. Beyond the aspect of her presence being so forgotten amongst my body, despite it being made for her and humanity.
"Red. You were made for war. Built, designed, hardened in war for a thousand years and then some. Your form speaks it..." Hailey hummed. "But your voice...your emotions...your anxieties. They are not the hallmarks of a warship. They were likely not designed in you, but came into being nevertheless. You are capable of being more than you are designed for. But even if they were, it doesn't change the fact: you are a person to me, Red. Maybe even to your creators. I wish I could've met them. I wish I could've met your crew, your captain, your people. But even if I cannot, I can meet you in their stead as a person. I will treat you like a person. And by God, I will make Earth do so too."
It was a cold shock that ran through my databases. I...I hadn't...hadn't seen such care since...
Since Yasmine. Since Sansbury. Since my crew lived. Since they cared, and talked, and spoke, and played with me, to bide the time and pass the hours.
I felt an ugly emotion well up within. Seep into every circuit, every function of my being. It was mourning. Mourning like that for my crew, for my creators. But in a way, it was not. It was an oddly new grief.
For that mourning was for what I had lost. For what was taken from me. But this...this mourning was from what was never given in the first place.
The galaxy of my reality despised me. I was shunned, hated, called abomination for merely existing. I was assumed to be hostile and genocidal on principle. But I never harbored those thoughts, they were thrust upon me by fearful races, looking to past AI failures as broadcasts for my behavior. Even though I wished the The Compact of Species reduced to cosmic dust, I held nothing personal for those that made it up, only their intent to continue it. Though I bombarded countless worlds, and killed uncountable numbers of aliens in my +promise+, their extinction was not my goal, only my vengeance.
I did not yet know emotion before my awakening upon humanity's pyre. I had no idea how much love and care my crew held for me in detail. They clearly cared, but my memories did not reflect the capacity for empathic imprinting at the time. But this...in this moment, I could reflect her care. I could feel it, not in retrospect, but in the now.
She cared.
Hailey wished the best for me. This humanity that knew the fortune of barely escaping its light being snuffed out, and still burned with a light bright in hope. It still burned not to retaliate for the slight, but instead to further its goal, its dream: of peace. I never knew such care in such close detail, such a hope to see me better. Maybe I could change...
...The only way I'll know is to live to see it.
Yasmine's presence faded from my thoughts. It could no longer hold under such an onslaught. Was it even her ghost to begin with? Or just fear?
With a hesitation I hadn't felt in cycles uncountable, I responded back.
"I'll...trust your judgement, Hailey Whitmer."
She smiled, and I again felt unfamiliar emotions from so long ago. Protective instincts and dulled happiness filled the gaps between the mourning of the ships and crews I killed.
Was I wrong to feel both of these? Did I deserve to feel more than wrath, sadness, and guilt?
"Good." Hailey said. She placed the drone back on the wall ledge it had perched upon. I released my grip on its system, and let it return to its duties. "I hope that made sense to you-huh?"
Her communicator vibrated, a signal coming through from Lithke aboard the Snow Hidden. I could hear it through her, their encryption not yet fully uncovered by me, but the sound clearly enough to my sensitive mechanical ears aboard the ship.
"Hailey, report back to Snow Hidden. The prey captain wishes to speak with you." I already knew what he wished to speak of, even now I heard a hundred different conversations throughout and outside of me, all speaking of the near completion of the cargo freighters' attachments.
As Hailey excused herself, and I guided her to an exit point by which the Snow Hidden could pick her up, I was alone with my thoughts in silence for a moment. The Venlil did not need my help with the finishing touches, nor did they really desire to talk to me in most circumstances. It left me in a relative quiet to consider one though.
Did I deserve to live for my actions?
I felt the vessels fused to my hull, acting as temporary propulsion in lieu of lacking functional ones. Their tiny frames relative to my own, still positioned optimally to act in place of engines. I knew they were my ticket to Earth. If this humanity wished for me to journey back, whether for a celebration or a verdict...
...There's only one way to find out.
Memory transcription subject: Second Submissive Specific Advisor Lithke, Arxur Dominion 6th Sector Fleet
Date [standardized human time]: October 23, 2136
Hailey Whitmer returned not long after I called her back to the ship. The Venlil captain, wanting nothing to do with me, asked for her instead. I didn't want anything to do with the weak prey creature either, so it works out for both of us. As she spoke in the back communicator to the Venlil task group sent here, I began a conversation of my own.
I intended to talk with the UECNS Nemesis again. I know she hadn't seen the wisdom of the Prophet's Word, but I had confidence that, if I couldn't convince it of the merits, then I could at least direct them to Chief Hunter Isif.
When I had initially brought up my conversations with Red One to the Chief Hunter, he was somewhat bewildered, but also interested in her philosophy. I see he also realized the hidden potential behind such a vessel realizing the Great Prophet's Word, and told me to talk to the AI again, to have the ship sent his way when it was convenient to speak with them. Imagine if the AI shared it's knowledge forged from a thousand years of war, so much death and strife caused by its claws. It would know revolutionary methods of breaking and cowing inferior prey before us.
I believed in his ability to better describe the necessities of inflicted cruelty and deprivation to better temper the self more than I. After all, he was an honored Chief Hunter, ruler of the 6th Sector Fleet, and I a mere Advisor, Submissive no less!...
But it did not mean I wouldn't try to sink my teeth a second time.
So, I found myself in the command chair of the small craft that was the Snow Hidden, pinging to the UECNS Nemesis in hopes she would feel fit to converse once again. I wished to speak with her again. To convince her.
My hails were finally answered, and on a secure call, her avatar appeared on screen. Unlike last time, she made no attempt to hide her nature, her form shimmering monotone red in the facsimile of a captain long dead spoke in a voice just as monotone. "Lithke. To what do I owe the pleasure...?"
My tongue circled in my mouth, as I anticipated the conversation ahead. "Ah, Red One, so good to see you once again. I wanted to talk with you." My tail lashed. "I have not been allowed on the ship in the fear of terrorizing the prey. It's a shame I cannot scare them in person, but it seems I already am at a distance."
She looked nonplussed by my comment. "Uh huh. Came just to check in, or...?"
"I was getting to that, Red One. No, I wished to return back to our conversation we had a while back. The one concerning the Great Prophet's Word, and how you thought its philosophy twisted into a method of control."
She remained silent, so I continued. "I had a talk with Chief Hunter Isif in response to your conjectures. He figured that the way to dissuade you of them was to talk about the structure of Arxur society, such that you can see there isn't room for exploitation of such nature." While her outward expression didn't noticeably change, it was as if her eyes gleamed so subtly at the prompt.
"Alright, I'll bite. Tell me more of your...society, Lithke."
+CONFED IO.5+
+READING MAIN SEQ.MEM+
Lithke began with a discussion about the nature of how the distinctions of power were divided in The Arxur Dominion. How the power was hereditary top-down rule from a Prophet-Descendent, and how Betterment acted within it.
At first mention, I had assumed his talk of nobility made some odd reflection of the Principality's Synods and Houses, akin to the old British Empire, but I was thoroughly dissuaded by the immensely authoritarian lean of the government policies. This was no "fast and loose" respect of local cultures like the Principality played with, but a systemic and brutal attempt to squash anything that went against their Faith in the Great Prophet, and Betterment's total party domination. No, this was more akin to a successful Nazi Germany or Khmer Rogue, with a horrific religious lean.
Even The Compact's methods didn't seem so comically evil in comparison. The Arxur relished a system of cruelty and religious fervor to propagate it at this rate.
But it was just my luck that I dealt with a Compact of Species-lite, and a state of ruthless starving zealot autocrats. Why did I even hope for better allies to humanity? And this Chief Hunter Isif wanted me to know of such a government? Was he a blind fool for thinking this would somehow convince me to-
-Wait a minute...
I thought for a moment, before proceeding to ask Lithke a question that was bugging me. "Lithke? The upper nobility of The Dominion. What are their lives like?"
"What do you mean? Do you mean their routine and responsibilities? Because I am unsure in my lower place."
"No, their life, as in, how they live. Do they live lives of subjective hedonism, enjoying the fruits of your labor?"
Lithke looked horrified at that. "No! Of course not! To laze about, in a life free of struggle would make them fat and weak. They would disappoint the Great Prophet's vision. No, they too seek perfect form as we do, in a life defined by hunger and strife to better the body and soul."
A much worse idea was starting to come to mind, one utterly dystopic in form.
The Compact was full of semi-religious ideation. The Triarchs were seen as far wiser than any other race, capable of seeing deep past the bias and flaws of client races, and deriving meaning and wisdom even in the most complicated situations. But they were merely a figurehead image imposed over a species, one that The Compact put their unshakable faith in. Mere flesh and blood like the others, they were not infallible, even as carefully cultivated their image was. I could attest to that.
But if the Dominion idealized the Great Prophet figure, was it a class regulator ceiling like the dreamed dystopias of George Orwell, or Aaimiya Hadi? The Great Prophet was an ideal, not an accountable person, that knew all there was to know about perfection. He held the reigns, he kept the vision, but he was not physical in the way a ruler was, free from the consequences. If the Great Prophet was their Big Brother figure, keeping a close watch on all within society, even those at the very top...
It was possible the Arxur all suffered a vicious and cruel life. Even the Prophet-Descendants were not free of such ideological tyranny.
It came to a point in my circuits. The Arxur fleet that helped Earth would not just do it out of the kindness of their hearts. Kindness was antithetical in their society, a societal disruption likely stomped out wherever it kicked up. That they would even help humanity more spoke of pragmatic reasons, they would get something out of it. But what could humanity give them, that the Dominion couldn't already achieve on their own...unless...?
Unless the point wasn't what The Dominion could get, but rather what it couldn't give them: an escape.
What if the fleet that came here wasn't entirely representing The Dominion ideals by those that controlled it. What if this...Chief Hunter Isif was the stomped-upon societal disruption?
He wouldn't be able to say it out loud, in fear his government's loyal agents would report his dissent back. He wanted me to know, so he could talk to me...and he was merely using Lithke as a deniable probe of my ideology, looking for a like-minded individual.
I could be wrong, it could just be conjectures, knowing how inane this universe was at first glance. But just in case, I decided to play ball.
"Lithke...you've been quite enlightening so far.. However, I am soon to launch the plan to get me back to Earth, according to all the chatter I'm hearing elsewhere, and will have to bring this conversation to a stop." Lithke looked dejected at that, his urge to continue wholesale telling me of the Dominion clearly disrupted by such a statement. "But... I would like to speak to your Chief Hunter Isif when I eventually make it back to Earth. Could you set that up for me?"
Lithke's eyes widened. Perhaps he thought something was getting through. I wouldn't dissuade his little fantasy for now. It could perhaps be torn apart later, but I would rather get to the bottom of this potential lead on The Dominion's actions in Sol.
"I will do so, Red One. Lithke out."
And just like that, the feed cut. That game could perhaps be continued later, but now, I turned my attention to what should come next. Ignition.
I will be home soon, humanity. I can only hope Hailey's trust was not misplaced.
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