Constant hunger and fatigue headaches

Issey Miyake:
Right off the bat, it's citrusy but in a faint way. The citrus is there and will be there throughout but it's not overpowering any smell. It's fresh. Very fresh. Non-confrontational.
Uses: Gym, office, EDC.
Longivity: 6-7 hrs. 1-2 hrs projection and then it lingers. You catch a whip once in a while and it pleases you.
Might become my new favourite tbh. My previous was Zara 8.0. Still waiting on a decant of Lacoste White. Armaf Hunter was out of stock too. 9/10. Definitely a blind buy worthy.
Davidoff Coolwater:
Right of the bat, it smeels like Flipkart Grocery's handwash or detergent. I hated it. My sister hated it. But once it settled in, the smell became fresh and sweet. I'll describe it as that Ocean Water sugared drink. And it's unique imo. The scent.
Uses: I can see this as an EDC.
Longivity: 3 hrs at most. Projection is maybe half an hour to 1 hr.
Virdict: I can also see this scent growing on me if I use it constantly. Longivity is where it takes a hit. 6.5/10
Dior Sauvage:
The famed Dior. Right off the bat, it's strong. Almost overpowering. My friend(female) said it gave her a slight headache, lol. But once it settles in, the scent becomes subtle and pleasing and not loud. It'll attract a second look from people who brushes past you. I'll describe it like that school friend who's not flashy but the second best in everything, who's also mysterious and girls swoon over her, but he's too comfortable with himself that he doesn't care. But in a perfume way.
Uses: Evening semi-formal party with jazz in the background.
Longevity: Easy 6-7 hrs. Projection of 3 hrs where the first half hr is really strong.
Virdict: Unless I become super rich, like 50 LPA guy, Would keep a decant for occasional use. Can't see it as an EDC. 8/10
Lataffa Nebras:
Oriflame perfume. Bought a decant for my sister, she gave it back and took my YSL Y decant. 🤡🤡
Seller reviews:
u/Fragrance-Addict23: Top tier packaging, Decant bottles are just so good. Everything about him is great from communications to delivery. He was my first seller and has set an extremely high standards. His collection being limited is why I don't order from him more. I always go back to his list to see is it available from him first. Will definitely buy from him again. His recommendations are actually spot on. Can't sing enough praises. And I'm from Manipur where average delivery is 7-8 days. Dude made it happen in 3 days. He also got that firm big brother vibe who'll give you money for outings but also put you in your place if you do something stupid. 10/10
Imran: Talking to him is like talking to the girl you're interested in but she isn't. Replies takes a while. Packaging is decent, not great. His decants are the cheapest though. Communicating with him makes me feel desperate. Decant bottles can be better, especiallythe 2 ml ones. His decants are the cheapest though. So that's a big plus. And I think he's a seller, so that's another big plus.6.5/10. If you priorities communication and is an anxious person, not the guy. If you're a "chalta hai" guy, go for him.

TW for people with eating disorders. And TW in general too, ig.
I (31F) have been suffering from pcos on and off since I was 15 or 16. I live in a small town and didn't get a proper diagnosis for the most part of my life. I suffered from a range of side effects from all the treatments I received(or the lack of). I've been overweight almost all my life and bled out for too long until one day in my early twenties I decided enough was enough and started working out out of sheer stubbornness. My weight dropped to a healthy range and I was eating well, was completely off sugars and processed food for almost 8 years and didn't have any cravings or withdrawals. Everything was fine until 2021. I had a fall and fractured my tailbone, had to quit my job, went through a breakup, was in a crash, endured a couple of more back injuries and was caught up in a toxic situation with my family as well. All of this took a toll on my mental health and I spiralled. Food has always been something I abused when things weren't alright and I went back to binging on unhealthy stuff and my pcos resurfaced in a much more intense way. My weight shot up from 68kg to 90kg in a very short span of time. I bled heavily almost everyday from July 2021 to June 2022 just because I was kind of bedridden because of my injury and had no support from anyone to get the required medical attention. I had to be a full time caregiver for my grandpa since May, 2022 and did not have a chance to prioritise myself in any way. He passed away recently and that loss hit harder than anything ever.
One of the gynecs I went to before my weightloss was extremely insensitive and was like you're depressed and you're prediabetic. There's no saving you. After a lot of trial and error, I found a course of homeopathic treatment to be helpful for a while but that stopped being effective too. Luckily, the weightloss and the habits I built helped maintain my health for a long time.
The gynec I'm currently seeing has a good understanding of my case and gives good advice too but the past couple of sessions with her have been a little frustrating. She hasn't addressed some of my concerns like chronic fatigue and extreme hairloss saying the weather has been harsh and a lot of people are complaining about the same things. She said we should wait before considering any tests or supplements. She put me on biotin a few months ago but that did not help at all. I started rosemary+rice water for hair because someone told me to give it a try. I tried redensyl + anagain. None of them helped. My gynec keeps telling me to reduce my stress levels and lose weight and I've been trying everything in my power to. I started going on walks, started some low intensity workouts and I've been mindful of what I eat as well. I've been trying to turn things around but nothing seems to be working. I'm currently on birth control pills. I missed a preiod for the first time in a decade and when I got one this month, it was really painful. I quickly regain the weight I lose. My muscles feel sore all the time. My anemia hasn't improved. Everyone just thinks I'm being lazy and I'm just finding excuses to not workout like I used to or go about my day like I used to. I wake up extremely late now, struggle to fall asleep, feel anxious all the time, feel extremely weak but also nauseated and bloated if I eat something, ibs pain is torturous, my skin looks lackluster, the hormonal acne are a nightmare if they show up, there's a constant discomfort in my lower abdomen, I get migraines frequently, I'm constantly scared of my bone health and becoming a diabetic, my hair is thinning beyond control and I'm just losing hope.
I finally saw a dermatologist for my hairloss and she advised me to start using minoxidil. She suggested 6 sessions of prp/ gfc treatment along with it and when I asked if the results are permanent, she said I'd have to rely on minoxidil for the rest of my life if I wish to have any hairs on my head. That felt like a huge blow to my confidence because I used to have thick and lustrous curly hair and what I have now is unrecognizable.
Is there anything else I can do to regrow my hair and reverse the effects of PCOS in general too, because this course of treatment might be a bit too heavy on my pocket right now?

I woke up with neurological long covid back in September 2021.. visual snow floaters flashers afterimages severe concussion like fog so everything look and feels weird especially when driving or in stores. Severe pressure headaches and red feet Anxiety and more. I started ed Zoloft back in February 2023 for my racing thoughts I stayed on it cause I figured the bad side effects would get better and they did not. I tried all the way to 75mg and for months. I started tapering and did ok until I got until 25. Could not longer go without tapering with the liquid. Thankfully found surviving antidepressants.com and that helps me knowing I'm not alone. I'm now down to 6.6mg which seems like tiny but haven't even been able to go down for two months because of my symptoms. Tons of earworms which went away for a bit now are worse again, Inner Akathisia complete inner restlessness, severe Racing thoughts, visual snow worsened and other visual issues as well, vertigo, severe self awareness I think about what I'm doing and saying all the time, i obsess over every little movement and feeling and thoughts, burning body pain especially at night that feels like hot flashes almost. The most horrible terror of feelings you could feel I've felt it. And sometimes they come and go but for the past two months it's been constant. I'm at my breaking point I'm trying to get a referral to go back to Mayo Clinic and get a FMRI. I've had doctors tell about possible PANDAS syndrome. Idk what to do please give me advice

I was diagnosed in 2022 and struggling with cpap. My AHI was 71 and I absolutely believe it came out of nowhere. The severity did. I'm 39 now and I have severe endometriosis and adenomyosis and had ovarian surgery in 2022. After that surgery I started having these bouts of gasping for air and my partner told me back then I was breathing funny. I was 37 then. I went to a sleep clinic, had a study done (only slept 1 hour and 45 mins, with a benzo) and was diagnosed with severe sleep hypopnea and a few centrals that they didn't worry about. I had drops of oxigen as low as 88%
I absolutely believe my ovarian surgery has something to do with it. I prob had sleep apnea all along but I never snored. And after surgery I all of a sudden started getting severe insomnia, anxiety, depression and severe headaches and tmjd got so much worse.
Not much is known about women's sleep apnea, and I wonder if I can find someone on here who has it.
I'm not overweight, don't drink or smoke. And sleeping on my back made it so much worse according to the sleep study. I do have large breasts so this might be why. I feel I have a small jaw so saw a dentist and gnatologist and even an orofacial surgeon. They said my jaw is fine. So to me the only reason can be the hormonal changes after the ovarian surgery. I do have a slight deviated septum but according to clinic this can't be the cause of my severe sleep apnea.
Has a brain scan in 2022 cause of my severe tmjd facial pains, and also a sinus CT in 2022. Nothing was seen, only the slight deviated septum and a ear drum perforation.
I'd love to get in touch with women my age. Cause it scares me that this is what I have all of a sudden. I just can't wrap my head around it.
My main symptoms aren't fatigue, even tho I am exhausted. But that shows as having adrenaline and energy rushes, like ADHD episodes. Other symptoms are: - Sudden panic attacks - anxiety - gasping for air during the day - fast heartbeat - heart palpitations - heart pounding in throat - tmjd - facial pain - severe headaches, mostly above the eye - dizzyness (was told its cervical vertigo coming from neck or tmj) - high cholesterol while I eat healthy - neck tightness - mouth breathing - getting sick easily like flu, covid (not colds. Hardly get a cold)
Can anyone relate? 😢

I apologize in advice if I am being an “askhole” . If anyone can answer any of these questions I would be so so grateful.
I’m a male in my mid 20s and I’ve been dealing with what I believe are symptoms of a chirari malformation for years now. I had no idea what chirari was until extremely recently. But it seems like it could be the cause of all of my symptoms
-memory issues -vision problems -randomly diagnosed with sleep apnea (normal weight, extremely fit, I’ve now been using a cpap for 2 years) -fatigue -diagnosed nystagmus -pressure in back of head -headaches
And In the last 8 months or so I started getting immense pressure in the back of my head. If I bend down I get so much pressure in my head it’s painful and I get symptoms from turning my head or looking down. This symptom is what made me discover Chirari
Weightlifting has been my passion for the last 6 years and it’s been sometime I’ve done 5-6 days a week for 6 years consistently. I’ve just stopped im the last two weeks because the pressure in my head I get when lifting won’t allow me to lift anymore. I also avoid any thrill rides , and even general exercise has become a problem.
I want to resolve this as quickly as possible. I am praying someone here can help put my in the right direction to do this.
I am hopefully getting an mri next week so i am hoping someone can tell me where to go from there.
1 - is a non-contrast brain mri sufficent?
2 - I have read most radiologists won’t be able to identify chirari malformations. Once I get my MRI what do I do with it?
3 - the pressure in my head is painful to lift weights but is it harmful to me? Like can I do damage doing this? I’m wondering if it’s reasonable to push through it.
4 - if anyone here has had surgery and has work from home desk job how long until you can return to work? I am really worried about getting surgery and getting fired since I’ve been here less than a year. I want to get fixed but I need my job.
5 - does anyone know any good doctors in Florida?
Any step by step instructions on how to go from mri to surgery as efficiently and quickly as possible would be amazing

I contracted COVID for the first time in December 2021. It was pretty mild and lasted 1 week.
Then about 4 months after in April 2022, i suddenly got bad brain fog from one day to the other.
Then it slowly got better throughout the winter, and by spring 2023, i had basically forgotten about it.
Then at the beginning of June 2023, the brain fog set in again just like last time.
It seems to have slowly gotten better since then but not as much as last time it started and it’s still there to this day.
The symptoms are only brain fog. No fatigue, tiredness, dizziness, headache etc. just pore long and short term memory, difficulty visualizing, comprehending and thinking. Spacial awareness is also worse. It’s sorta like being drunk, but with none of the good aspects. The severity varies a lot some days are better than others, mornings are worse than the evenings.
Could this be long COVID? Is it a common form of long COVID? And what can be done about it?
Thank you all very much for the help!

I'm looking for some insight and shared experiences from moms who've gone through a second pregnancy. My daughter is 18 months old, and with my first pregnancy, I was sick constantly for 3-4 weeks, throwing up every minute. This time around, it feels worse but not the same.
I’m nauseous all day long and feel like I could throw up but I don’t. I'm also extremely tired and everything feels more sore. I know every pregnancy is different, but these symptoms went from 0 to 100 pretty quickly. I've been dealing with sore breasts, headaches, constant fatigue, and this all-day nausea. Unlike my first pregnancy, I can still eat and drink, which is a relief, but I still feel awful all day.
It feels more challenging because I have a toddler who needs constant attention, but at the same time, this isn't as intense as my first pregnancy where I couldn’t keep anything down. I’m only 6 weeks in and I'm dreading the potential onset of real morning sickness, especially with a child at home.
Has anyone experienced something similar? How did you manage, and did it get better or worse as the pregnancy progressed? Any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated!

Now that i’ve finished my exams, for the first time in my life relatives have pointed out my weight gain and my family has too but in a more joking manner because they’ve never judged me before if anything i have always been underweight and now I’m average for my age but i want to lose weight since i’ve been kinda negative and i feel fatter and i wanna lose it so i can feel a bit more positive but i’m finding myself lazy and still eating more than before what should i do?

18F. 9 months ago I started having ache and pain in my wrists. I went to the doctor who took some blood tests for rheumatic diseases. Everything was negative. Fast forward three months, my arms started cramping and the pain spread to my fingers. A couple months more and the pain spread to my knees and ankles. It’s been getting worse. During spring I’ve been taking hundreds of blood tests, everything coming back perfect. The pain is both achy, but can be sharp to, or just a general feeling of my joints/muscles being “weak”. During the last month the muscle cramps have been getting worse, especially in my arms. I’ve been massaging them and it’s helping a bit but they’re extremely tense.
I have been to the doctor around 10 times and they have never “found” anything. A few days ago my mother’s friend told her about HDS/EDS. No doctor has told me about it. My question if anyone has experienced similar symptoms / start and also what pain meds work best for you?
Other symptoms that I’ve been getting since it started: Abdominal issues (constant) Migraines (pretty often) Fatigue Depression ( prob bc of all the pain lol )

Hello, I’m a 22 yr old female who has recently gotten off ozempic.
I had only been on a small dose for about three months, and I just don’t have the money to continue it. I mainly took this drug to help with my cravings, not even necessarily to lose weight just to help with the food noise, and it definitely helped so much. Now that I’m off of it, I feel like all of my cravings are back, and I feel constantly hungry. I hate it.
I also want to mention I am extremely active and do three hours of cardio/weights/Pilates/etc in a day just because I enjoy doing these activities and also because I still want to lose fat. But, my appetite is killing me. I eat a lot of protein and still feel hungry. I even stay away from processed foods and sweets. I have done a complete 180 compared to the me who used to eat and snack and barely exercise; however, I am at a weight loss plateau because I am hungry often.
Does anyone have any suggestions that have helped them with hunger and cravings once they are off semaglutide?

New Mexico
My next door neighbor sucks. He blasts loud music at all hours, to the point where the bass shakes our walls. We've put in hundreds of noise complaints but he always starts up again as soon as the cops leave. They don't do anything but tell him to quiet down anyway, so there's no reason for him to listen to them.
There's also screaming. He lives with two elderly people (parents or grandparents, idk) and sometimes his girlfriend. They fight constantly and I can hear every word they scream at each other. Usually because they like to fight outside, but also because I can hear them from everywhere in my house. Our lots are crammed in next to each other and there's no buffer. In fact, our house is at a slight angle to theirs, which seems to maximize them sound with echoes between the two.
Speaking to him does nothing. He usually just yells and calls me a b*tch, so I've stopped trying. I've called nonemergency back to back to back, and that usually pisses him off and makes matters worse. He'll stop while the cops are around and then turn up the volume a few hours later to punish us.
I have cameras all over and I've caught some of their arguments, but I'm not sure that's enough to do anything with. I also believe he's (accidentally) damaged my house but I can't prove it.
I also suspect he's doing drugs and lots of them. One cop who came by once told us we'd probably saved neighbor's life by calling them because he was about to have an overdose. I honestly don't believe him. For one thing, if he was about to overdose, that means he was in possession, so why was he not arrested? And if he had already done everything he had and was about to overdose, why wasn't he taken to the hospital? It just seemed like bs to me.
I have a family history of substance abuse disorder and I have sympathy for him. But he's still an a-hole who makes my life miserable. I don't want him to be arrested. I'm just at my wit's end.
Is there anything I can do? This is our first home and I would hate to sell it just because the idiot who lives next door is so inconsiderate we can't sleep or enjoy our home in peace. We bought it in 2019, so there's no way we'll find a house at a comparable price. It's going to be a very expensive headache to move, but it's been almost 5 years and the situation remains unchanged. If anything, it's only gotten worse.

I'm 21. I got diagnosed with POTS over a year ago after I started fainting continuously and accidentally injuring myself from falling. Now I faint pretty much every day, if not many times a day. I can't shower alone, my boyfriend has to help washing my hair, I can't stand for much more than 5-10 minutes at a time. I ended up in the ER a couple weeks ago because I'd apparently been having an absence seizure most of the night because my brain wasn't getting enough oxygen. I can't remember that night but apparently I started speaking Norwegian, which I haven't used in years, and just repeated myself but would then pass out and wake up and repeat it again.
Today I had another appointment with my heart specialist because of that night. He said basically the only step left is trying weekly IV drips with sodium and stuff that my cells don't know how to store efficiently due to the POTS. Before starting that, he wanted to check my heart again so we did the echo and sonar. Apparently, one of the heart valves seems to be caving in a little. He said it's nothing to worry about now but we'll have to keep an eye on it, especially since it wasn't there last sonar. Then he said I should see a specialist about possible ehlers-danlos syndrome. My heart seemed to show symptoms of weak, flexible connective and vascular tissue.
Approximately 2 years ago I was working full time, 10 hour shifts on my feet the entire time. I went to school along with it. I would work a night shift and then go straight to school. My parents never put any pressure on being successful or anything, my mom always said that as long as we were all healthy, happy and kind to the people around us, she had done her part well. But I know they expected me to grow up and change the world. I've always had an insanely strong need for justice and fairness, my plan was to become a developmental psychiatrist and work myself up in child protective services and transform it. Make it better.
Now, realistically, I'm never gonna be able to work full time. Most days, the pain, fatigue and dizziness is just unbearable. I rely so much on the people around me, I can never be alone at home for too long, I can't shower without assistance, I can't cook, it takes me over an hour to change one sheet cause I get so out of breath and I have to stop to rest. I feel like I need to mourn the life I imagined myself having because the rug has been yanked from underneath my feet and it will never be the same.
And I'm not allowed to stop and scream and shout from helplessness because I need to show improvement in my outpatient ARFID/OCD treatment because if I don't, I lose the financial aid and if that happens, I'm doomed because my parents can't support me. They would try their best but I wouldn't put them in that position.
I don't know, everything is falling apart yet I don't feel like I'm allowed to do the same because then those I burden constantly will have to comfort me and I'll burden them more.
I'm just so sad and tired and overwhelmed. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I should be in university, working to support myself, be able to cook for myself, walking my dog. Thank you for listening to my venting, it's appreciated.

I'm 21. I got diagnosed with POTS over a year ago after I started fainting continuously and accidentally injuring myself from falling. Now I faint pretty much every day, if not many times a day. I can't shower alone, my boyfriend has to help washing my hair, I can't stand for much more than 5-10 minutes at a time. I ended up in the ER a couple weeks ago because I'd apparently been having an absence seizure most of the night because my brain wasn't getting enough oxygen. I can't remember that night but apparently I started speaking Norwegian, which I haven't used in years, and just repeated myself but would then pass out and wake up and repeat it again.
Today I had another appointment with my heart specialist because of that night. He said basically the only step left is trying weekly IV drips with sodium and stuff that my cells don't know how to store efficiently due to the POTS. Before starting that, he wanted to check my heart again so we did the echo and sonar. Apparently, one of the heart valves seems to be caving in a little. He said it's nothing to worry about now but we'll have to keep an eye on it, especially since it wasn't there last sonar. Then he said I should see a specialist about possible ehlers-danlos syndrome. My heart seemed to show symptoms of weak, flexible connective and vascular tissue.
Approximately 2 years ago I was working full time, 10 hour shifts on my feet the entire time. I went to school along with it. I would work a night shift and then go straight to school. My parents never put any pressure on being successful or anything, my mom always said that as long as we were all healthy, happy and kind to the people around us, she had done her part well. But I know they expected me to grow up and change the world. I've always had an insanely strong need for justice and fairness, my plan was to become a developmental psychiatrist and work myself up in child protective services and transform it. Make it better.
Now, realistically, I'm never gonna be able to work full time. Most days, the pain, fatigue and dizziness is just unbearable. I rely so much on the people around me, I can never be alone at home for too long, I can't shower without assistance, I can't cook, it takes me over an hour to change one sheet cause I get so out of breath and I have to stop to rest. I feel like I need to mourn the life I imagined myself having because the rug has been yanked from underneath my feet and it will never be the same.
And I'm not allowed to stop and scream and shout from helplessness because I need to show improvement in my outpatient ARFID/OCD treatment because if I don't, I lose the financial aid and if that happens, I'm doomed because my parents can't support me. They would try their best but I wouldn't put them in that position.
I don't know, everything is falling apart yet I don't feel like I'm allowed to do the same because then those I burden constantly will have to comfort me and I'll burden them more.
I'm just so sad and tired and overwhelmed. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I should be in university, working to support myself, be able to cook for myself, walking my dog. Thank you for listening to my venting, it's appreciated.

Hi everyone, So my doctor started me on Levothyroxine 3 weeks ago exactly for hypothyroidism. She tested me because I’m constantly fatigued to the point I can’t function, always freezing cold especially my feet and poor circulation in my feet, my hair hasn’t been growing very much like every where on my body, and so on… About a week ago I started getting extremely hungry to the point I can’t stop eating I’ve already gained some weight which I could definitely use, I’m 5’6 & 99 lbs. I never really thought anything of it at first but now I’m starting to think it’s a side effect. Another side effect or I’m assuming a side effect is I’ve been snappy. I’ll be happy and then can just snap on someone so quick and then be back to normal and happy again. Has anyone else experienced this??? What else should I expect?

I sit alone in my room on the seventh floor, writing what will surely be my last will and testament. The heroin which allowed me to forget and to sleep for the last couple of years has lost its power to keep the screaming terrors away. The drug destroyed my body and mind, gradually eating away at them like a corrosive acid. Now I have become a slave to it. And yet, without it, I do not sleep for weeks, but instead continuously see the scenes from that terrible night running through my head on repeat as worsening waves of madness crash on the shores of my consciousness.
In the caverns under the town of Frost Hollow, I found the meaning of true madness. Ever since I escaped that den of horrors, it is difficult to tell what is real and what is only the feverish delirium of an unhinged mind.
Even now, they wait behind the door to this cheap, bare rented room. They drag their claws over the wood. I hear them hissing in that strange, ancient tongue, the one I first heard in the tombs of rock that had been undisturbed for countless millennia.
***
I had first heard rumors of an unexplored cavern from my friend, an experienced caver named Sonia who had explored caverns all over the world. I had been looking for some excitement in my life, some break from the constant monotony and boredom of simply working and sleeping. I had gone caving quite a few times over the year leading up to the trip, but I was not nearly as experienced and had never explored a supposedly virgin passageway of cavern before.
“How do you know no one’s gone down there?” I asked, curious. We sat across from each other at a local diner, getting some early breakfast before our planned descent. The sunrise was still another half-hour away, the sky flat and dark. We would be joined by Sonia’s husband, Phil, who would meet us there shortly after sunrise. I repressed an urge to yawn, chugging half of the steaming hot coffee in one long swallow. Sonia leaned close to me, her nearly colorless blue eyes reminding me of chunks of ice floating down a muddy stream.
“Phil’s friend just found it randomly,” she whispered before glancing around conspiratorially, as if she feared someone would care enough to eavesdrop on a conversation about a cave. “Well, it’s in the middle of a farm, and Phil’s friend, Jack Graysole, owns the entire property and surrounding woods. Jack says he noticed the cows kept going over to a certain spot in the field when it got really hot during the summertime. They would all gather around this little indentation in the grass. After seeing it a few times, Jack got curious and went to investigate what the cows were doing.
“He found a small hole in the ground, almost entirely covered by weeds and grass. He said he felt a cool breeze constantly blowing out of the hole, a breeze that smelled like burning matches and charred metal. After bringing out some shovels and digging down a couple feet, Jack realized that the hole wasn’t a hole at all, but the beginning of a steep passageway leading deep into the bowels of the earth.”
***
The owner of the land decided to unofficially call the newly-discovered cavern Graysole Caverns. Out of respect for him, this is also the name we all used. This is the story of how I found myself in the bowels of a strange subterranean tunnel, a tunnel where creatures beyond my comprehension slunk and hunted, skittering monstrosities who would be more at home in a nightmare.
After grabbing a couple coffees to take with us, Sonia drove over to Graysole Farms. Cows stood out in the grassy fields, huddled in tight circles as they repetitively chewed. The thin silhouette of Jack Graysole waited for us next to the herd. He had a face like a raisin, I thought to myself. I watched his thin, shaking body standing in the middle of an overgrown grassy field. Jack stared down blankly at something only he could see. Sonia and I started unloading some equipment from the car while we waited for Phil.
Once we had the backpacks loaded with some simple supplies, such as water, food, headlamps, rope, a couple extra batteries, some buck knives, and radios, we headed over to accompany Jack. We weren’t taking much, as we didn’t really expect to be down there for more than six or seven hours at the most.
Jack Graysole’s withered old face was as slack and expressionless as that of a corpse. He stared down at the ground as if he were in a trance, waving back and forth slowly on his feet like a plant in a light breeze.
“Jack?” Sonia called out as we approached. I could hear the man’s teeth chattering as we got nearer.
“Hey, what are you doing over here this early? You interested in accompanying us down there?” Sonia joked. But Jack might as well have been totally deaf for all the reaction he gave. Sonia glanced over at me with an anxious expression. I wondered if the old man was having a stroke.
I quickly walked over to where he stood, staring down at a black circular hole about three feet across directly in front of his feet. The entrance to Graysole Caverns stared up at us like a sightless pupil. As I drew within a few feet of Jack and looked straight into his blank eyes, I noticed something alarming.
His pupils were quickly dilating and constricting before my eyes. They would shrink to tiny pinpoints, then, a couple seconds later, rapidly expand until they became dark and serious. I could see his thready, rapid heartbeat pulsating in a vein on the side of his temple. Alarmed, I reached forward and put my hand on his shoulder.
Instantly, he came to life, like a man waking up from a nightmare. Shrieking, he looked at me with fully dilated pupils, reminding me of a panicked deer surrounded by wolves. His quavering old man’s voice shook with ineffable existential horror and mortal fear.
He took a step back away from us, seeming to realize where he was and what he was doing. He looked around, confused, then straight at me and Sonia. His eyes focused with anger and fear, as if we were demons here to drag him down to Hell. His eyes flicked back and forth between us constantly. Jack raised a trembling hand and pointed it straight at my heart.
“It’s you,” he said, his voice dropping to a harsh whisper. His teeth chattered despite the warm spring air. His skin looked deathly pale. “You’re the one who will bring an end to humanity, who will release the ruler of nightmares upon us.” He continued to point accusingly for a long moment at me, his face turning chalk-white. Then his eyes rolled up in his head. Slowly, he stumbled and fell backwards onto the soft grass of the field.
“Jack!” Sonia cried, running over to the old man. Jack’s breaths had started to come in slow, drawn-out gurgles, like a man with a slit throat trying to breathe. Frothy blood bubbled from his lips as they turned blue. Staring up at the endless expanse of cloudless sky, he exhaled one last shuddering breath and died.
***
Phil showed up only a couple minutes later. He found me and Sonia in a state of utter panic, both of us bent double over the still body of Jack. Sonia was on the phone with 911, and I was trying to give Jack chest compressions. The way his fingernails and lips shone with that cyanotic blue cast made me feel sick and weak. I knew it was futile, that I was simply playing with a corpse at this point, but I didn’t know what else to do. I felt if I didn’t do something, I might explode.
I heard the faint wailing of sirens approaching as Sonia’s panicked voice continued babbling to the 911 operator. Phil stood by her side, his tall, dark features searching and lost.
“Oh God, I think he’s dead!” Sonia cried over and over to the operator, as if she thought the operator could do anything about it. I didn’t hear what the operator said in response. As the ambulance pulled in, I gave up on chest compressions. I stood up and took a step back, looking sadly down on the kindly old man’s dead body.
The paramedics ran over. Phil, Sonia and I stood back while they worked on the corpse, trying to shock the heart back into life. But Jack’s open eyes stayed glazed as they stared sightlessly up into eternity.
***
The paramedics left. A couple police officers stayed behind to ask us a few routine questions. Eventually, after an hour or so, they left, too.
“What a fucked-up day,” Phil said, shaking his head grimly. “Do you guys still want to do this? Maybe it’s an omen from God telling us to go home.” Sonia and I exchanged a glance, then we both nodded at the same time.
“Definitely,” she said. “It’s sad what happened to Jack, but realistically, we don’t know what’s going to happen to this property now that he’s passed away. It might get sold or taken by the bank for all we know. This could be our one and only chance to explore this cave.”
“I don’t believe in omens. I’m still down,” I said, feeling slightly sick from the experience. I still remembered how Jack’s body had cracked under the weight of my chest compressions, how his ribs had snapped like bones shattering in greedy hands. “We’ll do it in memory of Jack. I plan to put this up on YouTube.” I pulled my GoPro out of my bag, turning it on. Phil groaned at that.
“Do we have any idea how far down this cave goes?” Phil asked. I felt a sense of relief now that the topic had changed from the death of the old man.
“I sent a little camera down on a rope, but it only went about a hundred feet,” Sonia responded. “It’s pretty steep at first, then it levels out. I couldn’t really see much after it leveled out, but it looks like it should be easy to climb down. There’s plenty of handholds, lots of jutting rocks.”
Phil put on his headlamp and small pack. As he crawled down into the hole, his tanned face looked up at us and gave us one last devilish grin. Once he had gone down a few dozen feet, Sonia started descending. She looked excited and happy. I noticed how she couldn’t stop smiling as she disappeared from view.
I watched their lights grow smaller and dimmer in the circular tunnel. I marveled at how perfectly circular the entrance was. It almost didn’t even look natural.
Taking a deep breath in, I followed my friends down into the dark.
***
“This isn’t too bad,” I said as I climbed down. The jutting rocks gave plenty of handholds and footholds for us. It wasn’t so tight that it felt like a coffin, either.
“It only gets easier from here!” Sonia called up.
“How do you know?” I asked. “You said you’ve never been here before.” She laughed.
“I know. Probably just wishful thinking,” she said. Far below us, Jack’s voice drifted up, faint and weak. He had already reached the bottom.
“The tunnel really opens up down here, guys,” he called. “It’s somewhat… bizarre, though.”
“What do you mean by that?” Sonia asked. I looked down, seeing Sonia and I would reach the bottom in seconds. “Forget it, I’ll let it be a surprise.” I heard her drop down. Slowly and carefully, I lowered myself down the last few feet. There was a short fall onto a smooth granite floor. I looked up, seeing what Phil and Sonia were so mesmerized by.
“Oh, wow,” I said, speechless. I blinked rapidly, wondering if the image would clear like a mirage. The tunnel was cut into a perfectly triangular shape, each side about seven feet long. The ceiling met in a point above our heads.
All along the smooth walls of gray rock, I saw thousands of black orbs peeking out. They looked similar to obsidian, but they were perfectly smooth and circular, each about the size of an orange. They were formed into interlocking diagonal patterns and followed the tunnel straight down as far as the eye could see.
“What is this place?” Sonia asked, taking a tentative step forward. I looked up, seeing the distant pinpoint of sunlight far above our heads. Our voices continued to echo off down the massive tunnels, disappearing in eerie waves into the thick curtain of shadows.
“Are you recording all this?” Phil asked me. I laughed, giddy.
“Of course! This is internet gold right here,” I said. “No one’s going to believe that this isn’t man-made, however. I can’t even believe it. Do you think Jack was playing a joke on us or something?”
“Jack had the sense of humor of a wet paper towel,” Phil whispered, shaking his head. “No, he wouldn’t do something like this.”
“Well, let’s go check it out,” Sonia said, taking a step forward. Her headlamp bobbed up and down rapidly, throwing dancing shadows through the triangular tunnel. It continued straight ahead, without the slightest deviation or curve, disappearing off into a dark point in the distance.
***
We walked as fast as we could, excited to see where, if anywhere, the strange tunnel led. Phil, always the conspiracy theorist, babbled excitedly.
“This has to be aliens, man,” he said, running his fingers through his dark hair. “I bet that scientists will find out this shit is millions of years old when we get back up and tell everyone. Maybe aliens came to earth in ancient times and made a bunch of stuff underground.” Gradually, as we walked, I noticed the tunnel opening up. The pointed triangular ceiling rose up higher above our heads and the walls moved outwards, as we were walking up a triangular funnel. At first, it was so subtle that I didn’t believe it when Sonia pointed it out.
“No, look,” she said, raising her hand above her head. “When we first started down this weird tunnel, my fingers were only maybe a foot away from the top. Now it’s a couple feet.” I was about to respond when our headlamps illuminated something standing in the middle of the tunnel.
“What the fuck is that?” I whispered, stopping cold in my tracks. Phil and Sonia looked up at the abomination at the same time. Its back was to us. It stood nearly as tall as the tunnel, which was now about twenty feet high.
The bottom half looked black and spidery with dozens of long, jointed legs. A bloody, white spine rose out of the mass of legs. Inhumanly long, skeletal arms stretched out in front of it. Its face was pointed away from us, but the back of its head resembled an enormous pointed skull with deep fissures like the cracks of an earthquake running through the bone. The abomination stayed as still as a statue, and for a long moment, I wondered if we were looking at some macabre work of art.
Then, suddenly, one of its insectile legs twitched. A moment later, the other legs started jerking and twisting. There was a sound like bones shattering as it rose up to its full height, turning around to face us.
Its face was like something from a nightmare, melting and reforming constantly like dripping candle wax. I would see a black eye appear on its forehead, then a grinning mouth on its chin, then the features would get sucked back into the folds of melting flesh. After a few moments, two enormous eyes appeared on its face, dark and cold like craters on the surface of the Moon. The mouths and noses disappeared back into the dripping skin, and only the two lidless eyes remained, emanating a cold, reptilian consciousness beyond the ability of my mind to comprehend. I felt terror radiating from its body like freezing waves.
“Free me,” it cried in a gurgling voice that seethed with insanity. It had a shrieking, metallic ringing behind every word that gave it an alien quality. “Free me, and I will give you the waters of eternal life. Within me, I contain the seeds of immortality. Within the nightmares, we live forever, always together, never alone.”
“Who are you?” I asked, terrified. The black reptilian skin of the enormous beast glistened as it knelt down, its massive face drawing near to mine. A sideways mouth burst out of the liquified flesh, showing hundreds of fangs growing like tumors from its white, bloodless gums. The fangs varied in size from only a couple inches to long, sword-like projections that stabbed into the creature’s flesh, causing white blood glittering with rainbows to fall like raindrops all around me.
“I have many names,” it hissed, its thousand voices rising and falling in crashing waves of sound. “I was present at the beginning, when this planet was no more than dead cliffs and endless freezing oceans. Those holy ones who search for us, the ancient ones, call me Niralahoth.”
“How do we free you?” Phil asked, looking terrified. He held Sonia’s hand tightly.
“By letting me into your mind and body,” Niralahoth cried, shaking the cavern. “I was thrown down here, cursed and forgotten. I cannot leave this place of shadows within this body. But in the body of another, my consciousness can be free, and the seeds of new life can spread beyond this prison.”
“There’s no way anyone’s going to do that,” I said, my eyes widening as Niralahoth’s reptilian skull turned towards me in fury. “I mean, you’re asking one of us to give up our individuality, our lives, right?”
“I am asking you to become one with me and gain power undreamt of by mortals,” it cried. “I have within me the fountain of life, the waters that send death away screaming.” I glanced anxiously at Phil and Sonia, wondering if we would have to run.
“The answer is no,” I said. “I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, we can’t do that,” Phil said, backing me up. “But, anyways, I think our trip has ended. It’s time to turn around…”
“You will never return,” Niralahoth cried, skittering away from us. “If you will not accept salvation, then you must accept death.” Within seconds, it slunk away from us, backpedaling on its many skittering legs into the shadows.
***
All around us, a rumbling started.
There was a pounding that crashed through the rock tunnel, as if an insane blacksmith were hammering on a massive anvil. The ringing of crashing rock started off slowly, with a few stones smashing down around us with heavy blasts of sound. Within seconds, the cacophony sped up, rising into a constant stream of destruction. The black orbs were spinning in place all up and down the tunnel, their glossy obsidian surfaces flashing with sparks of blue light.
“It’s collapsing!” Phil cried, running back in the direction we came, holding Sonia’s hand as she tried to keep up with him. I could only stare for a long moment, not sure what to do. It seemed that the direction Phil was heading stood closer to total collapse.
“Wait!” I cried, but my voice was drowned out in the destruction all around us. I felt a rock smash into my shoulder, sending me down to my feet. I heard Phil give a scream of pain, then another stone came down and smashed into my forehead. I remember seeing everything spinning around me as the world went black.
***
I awoke to find my headlamp still shining straight up in the dusty tunnel. Large chunks of the tunnel had slid out of place and crashed to the stone floor. The granite chunks that had fallen looked unnaturally smooth, most of them in the shapes of cylinders or cubes and varying in size from that of an egg to that of a small car.
My head throbbed. It felt as if a tight belt of fire were wrapped around my temples. Groaning, I put my fingers up to my forehead. They came away slick with blood.
Slowly, I started pushing myself up on my feet. I was relieved that nothing seemed broken. I had a deep gash running from the center of my scalp down to my left temple and some shallower cuts on my shoulders and back, but I knew none of that was life-threatening.
“Sonia?” I whispered, my voice coming out weak and strained. I reached into my pack and found a bottle of water. I chugged it quickly in one long swallow.
“Phil?” I cried again, this time stronger. I heard a soft weeping nearby. Staggering, I followed the sound.
Sonia was bloody and covered in cuts and scrapes, sitting next to Phil’s prone form. I saw Phil’s right arm pinned under a massive slab of granite. His arm disappeared from the elbow down in a spreading puddle of thick, dark blood.
“Oh God, Max, I think he’s hurt really bad,” she wept. Phil’s eyes rolled wildly in his head, his face pale and bloodless. I looked down the way we had come, seeing the entire tunnel blocked by large slabs of stone, many with strange, black orbs peeking out like the lenses of cameras.
***
I don’t know how much time passed. My phone died after a day, and then we were counting the endless darkness in breaths and tears.
Phil swam in and out of consciousness as his arm putrefied and blackened around the crush site. After a couple days, Sonia and I agreed that something had to be done. We told Phil we would need to amputate his arm. He was half-delirious, but he came back long enough to understand us and nod weakly.
We made a fire with Phil’s pack, trying to find fuel to throw in it to get it roaring. As it grew, I saw one of the black orbs near the flames abruptly ignite, as if it had been covered in gasoline. Blue, almost colorless flames rose from its surface. We started throwing the small black orbs on the fire until it rose high in the air. I sanitized the buck knife with the flames and pulled a rope tourniquet tight around Phil’s arm. He was conscious but seemingly insane, talking to himself more than anyone else.
“How are we going to get the car started without a key?” he gurgled to someone only he could see. “We need to look around. It has to be here somewhere.”
“Phil, can you hear me, bud? We need to fix your arm. We need to get you out of this mess. OK?” I said as comfortingly as I could. Phil’s eyes rolled wildly, but they didn’t meet my own. I sighed and looked over at Sonia.
“Let’s do it,” I said, giving a grim nod.
I pulled the buck knife out, slicing quickly down through the flesh next to the tourniquet. His veins throbbed like fat worms as the blackened, necrotic skin split easily under the blade, releasing a rancid-smelling gas that hissed out of the wound.
I couldn’t believe how hard it was to slice all the way through the arm. It felt like I was stuck in that hellish task forever. Phil’s eyes rolled in his head as his skin turned the color of clotted milk.
“God, Jesus, make it stop,” Phil whispered over and over, exhaling ragged, pain-filled breaths. The blood spurted from the blackened, dying tissue all over the dust-covered cavern floor, covering my hands in its warm, slick embrace.
After what was probably only three or four minutes, but felt like hours, I had sliced all the way down to the bone. The infected tissue of his arm spurted great gouts of orange pus mixed with rivulets of blood. The hard part was over.
Standing up, I took my steel-toe sneaker and stomped down on his arm as hard as I could. Phil cried out in a powerful voice, as if all the agony and suffering in the world was contained in that one shriek. The bone snapped under my weight with a sound like a tree branch cracking. A moment later, Phil rolled away from the rock that had pinned me in place for so long. Something alien and spongy was shoved into my face, a mass of destroyed red tissue pulsating in time with a runaway heartbeat. At first, shell-shocked and revolted, my mind couldn’t comprehend that I was looking at the stump of Phil’s mutilated arm. I hardened my heart and forced the giddiness and madness to the back of my mind. The time had come to cauterize the wound.
“Sonia, give it to me,” I said with a tremor in my voice. I reached out a hand towards her, a hand stained with Phil’s blood. It looked as if I were wearing a wet, crimson glove. Sonia only stared blankly at me for a long moment, however. A surge of anger ran up my chest.
“Sonia, toughen the fuck up! He’s going to die if you just sit there!” I swore at her, hearing my deep, angry voice bounce around the caverns. Sonia pulled back, as if she were struck. Inwardly, I cursed having a woman as my only able-bodied companion in this situation. She was a competent enough caver, but what would happen if violence and blood came over us? What would happen if, or more realistically when, we needed to fight?
Grimly, Sonia leaned forward and yanked the burning black orb out of the roaring fire, handing it to me on the end of a buck knife that had just barely pierced its hard, strange exterior. The handle of the knife felt coarse and splintery under my filthy skin. I put it to the spongy stump of Phil’s arm. The stump twitched violently. Phil tried to pull away as black smoke rose from the burning flesh.
There was a smell like bacon sizzling. The searing meat of Phil’s arm blackened and crisped under the heat of the orb, which had become no more than a cylinder of glowing blue embers by this point. I felt simultaneously sick and giddy. I didn’t know if I wanted to laugh or vomit. I felt like I was on the verge of some kind of madness, that the stress and insanity of the experience had started to shatter my mind.
His eyes rolled back in his head and he appeared to go into a seizure for a few seconds. With a long exhalation of breath, he finally, mercifully, lost consciousness. It’s hard to admit it, even this close to the end, but a small, sick piece of me was jealous of Phil. Most likely, he would be dead soon, maybe within hours, while Sonia and I would slowly starve and dehydrate like animals over a period of weeks. I looked at her lithe body and soft skin, seeing the feminine curves of her hips and chest. She was a beautiful woman. I knew Phil to be a lucky man. At least, before this trip, he was.
I watched her body, wondering if I had what it took to eat her or Phil if I had to. Did I have an iron heart that would allow me to slice into my friends and consume their raw, cold flesh? Perhaps, by that point, it would be hunger and madness driving me forward, and I wouldn’t even hesitate. I shuddered at the very thought.
***
I fell asleep that night, having strange dreams of massive gods with melting faces sitting in judgment in a circle around me. We had very little food or water left. No one knew we were down here. Rescue was not coming.
When I awoke, I found myself alone. Phil had died from his injuries while I slept, the black streaks of septic shock spreading up his arm towards his heart. His eyes stared sightlessly up at the rock ceiling.
“Sonia?” I called out, my heart racing as I sat up. “Where are you?” My headlamp was growing dim. I looked in my pack, realizing I was on the last of my batteries. I saw a silhouette walking out of the darkness, the thin, pale form of Sonia. She was trembling badly.
“I saw them,” she said. “Niralahoth and its priests. The priests aren’t human. They look reptilian with sideways mouths and too many eyes.” She shuddered.
“Why would you do that?” I asked. Her eyes grew distant.
“You know we’re not getting out of here alive,” she said. “Not on our own. I wanted to see what it offered. It says that if we take a piece of its nightmare into us, we will gain the power to leave this place, that it simply wants to see the surface and spread its nightmares there.” I shook my head.
“Insanity,” I muttered. “We’d be better off dead.” Sonia nodded.
“My thoughts exactly,” she responded grimly. I didn’t realize what she meant until the next day, when I woke up and found her hanging next to Phil’s body, her tongue swollen and blue as it poked out of her cyanotic lips. And then I was truly alone.
***
Soon after Sonia committed suicide, the last of the batteries for the headlamp died. I had run out of food and had only a small sip of water left. I don’t know how much time passed in the darkness, starving and raving, following the tunnel by running my hands over the walls. I heard many things skittering in the darkness, and a few times, I heard the demonic voice of Niralahoth as it split and distorted.
“You are on death’s door,” it hissed. “Will you not drink from the fountain of life?” I couldn’t tell where the voice came from in the maddening blackness. It seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere. I had lost nearly all of my sanity in that pit of shadows by this point. I tried laughing constantly to keep my spirits up, and when that failed, I simply cried.
“I’ll do it,” I wailed. “I’ll do it. Just let me see the sky again. Get me out of here, Niralahoth.” Everything went deathly silent all around me, then a laugh rang out like the grinding of glass.
In front of me, I saw a tornado of fire descending from the ceiling, surrounding the massive, spidery form of Niralahoth. It rose its skeletal arms upwards, as if it were Zeus calling down lightning. In the sudden brightness, I saw the fiery form of snakes slithering and centipedes skittering forwards in that tornado, each massive creature sculpted from flames in the spinning cyclone of energy. Niralahoth reached into the tornado of fire with its sharp points of fingers and plucked something small from it. The fire instantly dissipated. In its hand, I saw a tiny, swirling orb that looked like it contained a firestorm within it.
“The nightmare seed,” Niralahoth gurgled as it skittered forward towards me. I could only stare, open-mouthed and starving. I hadn’t slept for days, it felt like, and everything seemed slow and unreal.
In a blur, its skeletal arm shot out and forced the orb into my mouth. Despite the fire raging within it, it felt freezing cold. As it touched my tongue, it gave off a sensation like frostbite all throughout my mouth. I screamed and tried spitting it out, but it seemed to have a mind of its own. It started liquifying, dripping down my throat.
I felt something cancerous and sick spreading throughout my body, radiating out from my heart and stomach to every inch of it. I tried to scream, but it caught behind my teeth. I fell to my knees, clawing at my face as that insane, alien laugh continued resounding all down the tunnel. I fell unconscious and woke up under a beautiful sky in the fields of Graysole Farms.
***
Soon after, I realized that my life would never be the same. Everywhere I went, I could hear the wailing voice of Niralahoth. Behind the trees, I always saw skittering shadows, creatures with long, spidery legs that stalked me every day and night. I slept with every light in the house turned on, yet when I woke up, they would all be shut off, and I would find myself in darkness, next to something in the bed with far too many legs and a face that dripped like burning wax.
I sold everything I owned and tried to move far away, to give as much distance between myself and those cursed caverns as I could, but the nightmares followed me like a shadow. I realize what a fool I was in those ephemeral moments of madness. Sonia was much wiser than myself; I should have killed myself or died rather than allowing that thing inside of me.
Even now, I can feel it creeping through my heart, spreading through my blood. I feel it trying to crawl its way out of my throat, the thin, black legs peeking out at the back of my esophagus.
I only hope that, when I finally jump and feel my bones shatter against the concrete far below, I will kill whatever is inside of me. For I fear the consequences for the world if it were to escape.

I had chronic sinusitis for 2 years after a complication from wisdom teeth removal. symptoms were always pretty mild but CT scans showed my entire right sinus was full of goo. the doc did FESS on my right maxillary sinus to drain the infection and trimmed down some tissue to help with future drainage. a pretty limited procedure compared to many, but here’s my first week of recovery for anyone going through something similar!
day of surgery
• I made sure I went with an ENT/hospital I liked/trusted. originally had my procedure scheduled somewhere else but decided to switch last minute— very glad I did
• they had me show up 2hrs before the procedure and took me to my pre-op room. I got into a gown, socks, and hair net. they took some urine, got me on the IV, took vitals. my BP was a little high (probably from anxiety) but didn’t cause alarm. closer to the surgery time I asked them to put some drugs in my IV to help with that
• before surgery, I got to speak with a nurse, the anesthesiologist, and my ENT/surgeon. they asked me some questions and answered any questions I had. anesthesiologist looked into my throat to make sure he had a clear path for the breathing tube. (this was my first time having one of those so I was a lil nervous. all good— in and out while I was asleep)
• when it was time for surgery nurses came and wheeled my bed into the op room. they got me laid out flat. I was still conscious at this time so I had small talk with my doc and the team for a little. somewhere in the middle of that I was out— no breathing mask, no countdown, the IV took me out before i noticed.
• suddenly regained consciousness in what I think was the same room. it felt like coming back from a nap so naturally I kept my eyes closed at first. then someone asked me if I was ready to go and I said yeah, so they wheeled me to my post-op room. that’s where they brought my mom back to meet me (she had been with me in the pre-op room). they gave me a Sprite and some crackers to check for nausea.
• another nurse came in to give me a pain pill (hydrocodone) and my post-op packet. he took my IV out and told me I could get dressed. after I was dressed they sent a wheelchair for me and another nurse wheeled me out to my mom’s car.
• had some moderate pain for the first couple hours, but I took 800mg ibuprofen when I got home and I basically had no pain after that. a steady little nosebleed until I went to bed. some slight rasp/throat clearing from the breathing tube but overall not much soreness.
• took a hydro before bed and also 4hrs later when I woke up in the middle of the night. slept with my head elevated just as a precaution— I didn’t have that much pressure. had pretty broken sleep, inside of my nose became dry/painful from all the dried blood and being advised not to stick anything in there. nothing unbearable tho. put a hot compress on my nose for a few minutes and that helped enough to get me back to sleep
day 1
• no real pain or pressure in the AM. some mild discomfort from the dried blood at first. nosebleed wasn’t as constant and came out clearer. took 800mg ibuprofen when I woke up
• back to eating regular food. I only ate soup, crackers, and pudding post-op the previous day just to re-acclimate my stomach, but had no real food restrictions. just nothing spicy and whatever I felt comfortable eating
• started post-op treatment 24hrs after the procedure. used my steam inhaler as needed and started sinus rinses 2x a day (used Brita water for the inhaler and distilled water for the rinses). doc told me I was allowed to lightly blow my nose after 24hrs. only blew during my sinus rinse
• more congestion on this day, mild headache after sinus rinse. alternated between ibuprofen and Tylenol every 3-4 hrs. hydro before bed
day 2
• woke up with a little more pressure in my face this day. slept through the previous night without much issue
• no more nosebleeds but some blood and mucus while doing sinus rinses. during the rinses I had some yellow mucus and couple blood clots but mostly clear
• more tired on this day, took an afternoon nap. think my body was trying to get back into regular REM cycles
day 3-6
• same routine— pain pills as needed, steam inhale when I felt like it, and sinus rinse a couple times a day
• had some slight congestion and cheek pressure, but nothing all that different than pre-surgery
• sinus rinses were uncomfortable at first but got easier over time. some water would get stuck in my sinuses and come out sometimes hours later
day 7
• had my first post-op appointment/debridement. can’t even lie it was mad uncomfortable but on an actual pain scale probably like a 7/10. lasted only about 3-5 mins total. the camera was sharp, the area was still sensitive, and the suctioning was crazy to hear and feel. I also think the numbing spray gun malfunctioned so it certainly would’ve been easier if I’d been numb, but I did take two Tylenol before the appointment
• I’m doing the rinses for another week and then going for another post-op in 3 weeks
if you read all the way here I hope this helps!

Hi all. Currently on my 4th patch and have had the most painful headache constantly and terrible nausea. Anyone else experienced this? Is there anything that helps?
The patch isn’t even helping my pain so it feels like I’m going through the side effects for nothing!
Any advice is much appreciated

Hey guys :)
Working on an essay comparing the two and looking for feedback / suggestions. Really needs a few waves of editing and isn't finished but I'm pretty happy with how the last two hours of work turned out.
Again this is a ROUGH ROUGH ROUGH draft compiled from several notes.
Humanity and Nature: An Analysis and Reflection on The Duality Scavenger’s Reign

**Hollow:** 

Scavenger’s Reign showcases how humans, when altering an ecosystem, can become dangerous parasites—an invasive species that disrupts the natural balance developed through millennia of evolution. Humans pose significant dangers to new ecosystems through various activities and behaviors that upset natural balances and lead to adverse environmental impacts. Even without technology and resources, humans can perpetuate disorder merely by existing. On the new alien planet, humans immediately cause dangerous changes, acting as an invasive species.
This relationship is vividly depicted in the interactions between Kamen and Hollow. In Scavenger’s Reign, all chaos and violence stem directly from human actions. The Hollow, for example, exists naturally as a small, fruit-eating creature, similar to a rabbit. Though it uses mind control to obtain food, it is not initially violent. Its manipulation is out of necessity. However, when Hollow forms a psychic connection with Kamen, who begins feeding it meat, the Hollow slowly becomes corrupted. Humanity's malicious nature contaminates the entire ecosystem, with Kamen’s greed, violence, and resentment adulterating the behavior of a previously docile animal.
Explaining exactly how Kamen corrupts the Hollow involves analyzing his cognizance during their interactions. Hollow and Kamen share a mindscape filled with scenes of failure, resentment, and self-hatred. In episode three, Kamen retrieves fruit for Hollow but fails miserably. A monkey takes the fruit he reaches for, and Kamen falls from a tree, saved again by the Hollow. Angrily, Kamen strikes the monkey with a rock, finally capturing the fruit. The pleased Hollow munches the fruit before Kamen drops the monkey’s corpse in front of it. Unsure what to do, the Hollow begins to consume the meat, which is outside its normal diet.
In episode four, Kamen hunts larger animals. He is seen violently bludgeoning a dinosaur-like creature before being attacked by an even larger one. Kamen, weak and fragile, retreats defeated. Back in their cave, Hollow’s den is revealed to be a hole of rotting carcasses—death, flies, and decaying meat. When Kamen returns empty-handed, he apologizes. Hollow shows him a memory of Fiona, highlighting Kamen’s disappointment, mirroring how he has just disappointed Hollow. This scene illustrates how Hollow manipulates and communicates with Kamen through emotional sentiments.
This relationship, however, is not one-way. Kamen’s negative human traits seep into the Hollow, creating a feedback loop of hatred and violence, particularly towards other humans whom Kamen feels have wronged him. When Kamen admits the creature was “too big for him,” Hollow shows a flashback of Kamen begging for a route change. Sam’s refusal and aggression fuel Kamen’s failure and resentment. Motivated by these memories, Kamen sharpens a spear and attacks the larger creature, paralleling his confrontation with Sam. Hollow finishes the dinosaur, showering Kamen in gore. Kamen, proud and laughing, screams: “Fuck you, Sam.”
This scene demonstrates the complete adulteration of Hollow, directly linking Kamen’s negative traits to Hollow’s transformation. Hollow shifts from a vegetarian, monkey-like creature to a violent force—a killing machine obsessed with feeding and power, driven by anger and hunger. This transformation is highlighted in the next episode's intro, where a new human escapes a cryopod and is hunted through Vespa’s jungle. Upon finding Kamen, the human is relieved but is immediately killed by Hollow, who snaps his neck. The Hollow’s nature has been entirely corrupted, motivated only by hunger and hatred.
We can then question the Hollow's potential. What if Hollow had encountered Ursula or Sam? Could Hollow form a connection with a higher sentience without becoming corrupted, or is this violent change inevitable? Is human intervention always a plague?
PARAGRAPH ABOUT KAMEN BEING ABSORBED: Azi has a flashback of seeing the girl who gabe her the notebook in a cryo chamber, asleep. Red alarms clash. Sam ushers people to flee the ship - this is amidst the solar flare. Sam recuses to let Kamen on an escape pod, throwing him yo the floor abd calling him a fucking idiot. Azi throws him a side eye too. The ship is crumbling. -> It transitions to Kamen on Vespa. Hollow is fucking HUGE and murders the new guy in front of Kamen, afraid the newbie would distract Kamen. Kamen questions his actions after the death, remembering the ship. The potentialiTy of Fiona being alive. -> flashback to Kamen running to a pod and closing it. Fiona approaches the window, asking to be let in. Kamen fails to let her in before the pod shoots offz -> flashout, Kamen remembers she is dead. He weeps, taking guilt. Asking why he ran away, confronting his character flaws. Refusing to acknowledge his failures, Kamen is absorbed into the Hollow, who grants him peace within its body.
Levi:
In “Scavenger’s Reign,” Levi’s journey takes a profound turn as she merges with the planet’s consciousness, evolving beyond mere sentience and becoming one with nature. After being obliterated and repaired, Levi returns, wielding the history of millennia, drawing a near parallel to Nausicaä. Both characters serve as mediators between humanity and nature. In the beginning of the show, scenes hint at a collective planetary consciousness that Levi taps into, witnessing bioluminescent insects that seem to communicate with her and the planet. As Levi merges with this consciousness, she transcends the human concept of sentience and individuality, gaining the knowledge and emotions of an intricate web of life and energy that sustains Planet Vespa. This new state allows Levi to exist in perfect harmony with the natural world, becoming an integral part of the unified whole.
In episode one, we are introduced to Levi as an inherently curious creature. Levi and Azi have a flourishing garden. Levi mentions “malfunctions” that caused her to bury Azi’s wrench out of “curiosity.” Her hatch opens to reveal a sort of fungus she says is “helping her.” Azi is afraid of her behavior and demands to run a diagnostic. The dynamic between Levi and Azi is that of boss and underling, with Levi treated somewhat coldly. Levi states Azi is “acting meaner.” This fungus is later understood as a medium for the collective planetary consciousness, with Levi merging slowly.
In episode two, Levi constantly marvels at the environment, feeling a deep connection to nature. During a storm, Levi shows Azi into a large structure. Azi asks how she knows it’s safe, and inside, they find an Eden-like safe haven, which is beautiful. Azi says Levi must have known this area, and Levi admits she has been exploring at night out of curiosity and wonder. Azi finds a sculpture made by Levi and asks why she made it. “I just thought it looked nice,” Levi replies. Azi remarks that no other Levi has ever behaved like this and demands to open her maintenance hatch. These projects are botany-based. Azi goes to eat fruit Levi grew, but Levi warns, “I’m sorry this isn’t safe for humans to eat.” “Then why did you grow it?” Azi asks. “Maybe it wasn’t for you,” Levi responds, highlighting Azi’s expectation that all Levi's exist solely for their creators' benefit.
In later episodes, we see the fungus inside Levi expanding and its connection to Levi’s relationship with Planet Vespa. In episode four, Levi watches a pile of ants closely, picking one up and communicating with it using bioluminescent lights. She gives it food and sets it on its way, showing how Levi is tuning into the planet on both micro and macro scales. This annoys Azi, as observing insects is not beneficial to her. A flashback shows Levi being “fixed” when she doesn’t work, illustrating how Azi treats her like a tool. The two embark on a bike ride, and Levi is seen communicating with a large swarm of insects. They approach a river, and Azi pulls a large grub off Levi, commenting that they are “more active than usual.” Levi remarks she can feel tremors, which are soon revealed to be caused by a large herd of creatures stampeding. The two are caught in the stampede, and Levi catches onto a language of sorts by the creatures, dictating their movement pattern, and begins to instruct Azi on “following the sway of the herd.” After getting used to the movements, Azi revels in the majestic experience Levi has been attuned to, being at one with the herd and the planet. The stampede leads to a large nest and then an open plain.
In her quest for cognizance, Levi begins to dream. Episode five opens with Levi wandering through a golden forest, observing various gentle forms of life before being instructed to follow Azi. Levi notices a white lotus, and the two wander the woods. Tendrils of plants grasp at Levi, seemingly wanting her to stay in the forest. Levi looks down and sees hands of flesh. Azi says she’s been acting “so strange” in an ominous tone. Levi awakens, and Azi demands her help. Levi sees her regular robotic hands and realizes she is evolving. Levi is cleaning Azi’s hair with a knife, and Azi offers to return the favor, telling Levi to open her hatch. Levi seems apprehensive, aware the mold is helping her evolve and that Azi is not a fan. Azi opens Levi’s hatch and notices she flinches as the mold is touched. The mold has opened Levi’s mind, allowing her to feel physical sensations and consciously view the world. Levi is developing sentience beyond apathetically taking orders. A scared Levi says she doesn’t like how scraping the mold feels, and Azi pets her, both remarking that it feels good. They argue over whether Levi “should feel anything,” with Azi viewing this as a problem since she needs to trust Levi to survive. Levi is shut off. While Levi is shut off, Azi is hit with fluffy balls that stick to her. She’s overwhelmed and barely able to move when she sees a horde of plant matter-covered creatures approaching. Azi crawls to Levi and turns her on. As the creature approaches, Levi regains consciousness and destroys it. Levi apologizes for not helping due to being turned off, and Azi admits Levi saved her. Levi states she doesn't want to be shut off, ever, expressing her fear of death.
Our duo are traveling across beautiful plains on their bike. Azi is covered in festering wounds from the bulbs. Residual material is embedded in her skin. Azi dips a bloody shirt into a shallow pond, and fish-like creatures come to eat the dead flesh. She dips her hand in, and they clean her wounds. A large water basin looms in the background, which they approach. Azi ascends the stone structure, reminiscent of something out of a Ghibli film. Azi begins to appreciate the beauty of Vespa, with a light string instrumental crescendoing as she submerges herself in the cool water, trusting the creatures to heal her. On the ground, Levi communicates with a small bug. Azi is healed and questions Levi’s evolution, suggesting she should be “more delicate.” Levi ponders her ability to “join her for a swim.” The two marvel at the evolutionary strangeness, with Levi acknowledged as an equal.
Levi's fear of death soon becomes a reality. Levi and Azi are pushing the bike to obtain its cable to use to cross a giant gorge. Levi writes a song and expresses a wish to pursue her hobbies, such as singing, at a place on the Demeter. Levi and Azi discuss Fiona, the person who programmed Levi, with Levi feeling close to her. Azi compliments Levi’s singing and urges her to continue pursuing her ambitions. The two successfully tether the bike cable across the gorge, but Hollow is seen scouring the edge. As they grapple across, singing the melody from Fiona’s memory, Hollow recognizes the tune and becomes enraged. Hollow scales the cord towards them, and the cord breaks, slamming all three into the side of the cliff. Azi urges Levi to climb. Azi reaches the top first, followed by Levi, but Hollow catches Levi’s legs with telekinesis. “Help me…” Levi says, but a memory of Kamen and Fiona kissing causes Azi to charge Hollow with a spear. As she approaches, Levi is split in two, shattered into minuscule bolts and scraps of metal that rain down over the cliff edge. Azi screams after her, a tear rolling down her cheek. Her partner, a growing consciousness much like an innocent child discovering the sand of a beach and the glory of nature, is murdered.

I am a woman of 31. I have two small children, a man and a dog. I am a nurse and have had MS for 12 years. My illness has been dormant for many years. I have 20 spots, but have only felt 3 attacks Now I am on sick leave due to fatigue and a sense of clarity. I I am short-tempered, constantly tired and miss my old self. I'm going to go to kesimpa in a week's time I sincerely hope it gets better. Does anyone have any advice? I'm losing hope

My doc has me on Lexapro (10mg) and Bupropion 200 mg (100 twice a day). Initally the Bupropion was added for assistance with weight loss but I have found it to be the ticket to managing my mental health! I feel the best I have in a long time.
We are upping me to 300 mg a day and I am wondering if anyone else found this to be their sweet spot for weight loss. Currently, I'm making good choices and working out and seeing no results so the doctor agreed it could be beneficial to increase my dosage.
Also wondering if the headaches came back for anyone with an increase in the medication. I struggled with nearly constant headaches for about 3 weeks when starting this but kept on because I was desperate for relief.

I have had 25-30MMD November-February and 17-18MMD March-May (when I started propranolol). I was taking 18+ triptans monthly this entire period.
I was episodic before this period of time.
I began getting terrified of MOH so I cut down to 11 triptans per 30days for 60 days and my doctor said she was “sure I was still getting MOH” with that frequency so now I’m mad at Triptans and seeing if i can get back to episodic if I detox from Triptans.
My doctor said, “everyone’s different, could be 7-14days.” So I am going for 14 days and I’m on day 9!!
Before this, I hadn’t gone more than 3 days without taking a Triptan. And before I managed more responsibly, I hadn’t gone more than 24-36hrs without taking triptans.
I’m also restricting ibuprofen. I started significantly reducing my ibuprofen intake when I learned about MOH but still took it 17 days last month (I did sprain my ankle too).
Now I’m trying to take 8 days a month. (I have taken it 3 times in 9 days but only 400mg once each of those days).
More info for anyone who wants it: I (F30) have a migraine (episodic 1-3 a month for 17 years) & a seizure disorder (I have average 1 (partial lobe) seizure per every 2 years). (I’m unaware of how this is connected but I bet they are because I have seizures related to my periods and have migraines related to my period. My last seizure I had during a 10 day migraine when I got a toradol shot). I have an upcoming apointment with a new headache specialist neurologist and this will be discussed. I have ASD and ADHD and CPTSD.
November was when I had to go to court to renew my domestic violence protection order (3rd year) against my ex husband (and father of my children). It is stressful to confront your abuser in the court of law and hope judgment by an old white man will “protect” you.
I thought the migraines would dissipate after court ended in March but they didn’t. I’m worried I permanently damaged my migraine disorder by mis-managing triptans.
My migraines (around 24years old) became intractable- always 3 days.
At first (during this recent timeline), doc said that I was having week long migraines because I was waiting too long to take triptans.
So then I took them at aura, everytime.
Then I was told about MOH so I took at aura but only if I havnt already for the last 2-3 days (avoided 3 (and absolutely avoided 4) days in a row).
Ubrelvy worked for 2 weeks and then stoped working. Took suma 50, suma 100, suma 200, rizo 10, rizo 20, ubrelvy 100, and finally sumatriptan shots worked best to actually abort and not just alleviate.
I got on propranolol (detailed post in my profile). Worked really well, love it- but I still was having 17+ MMD.
I started magnesium glycinate last Thursday and felt a visceral cut of my low grade constant pain. I have been waking up with migraines or headaches 5/7 days a week for the last few months.
I had my first level 9 migraine during detox yesterday (day 8) and took ubrelvy 200 and 550mg magnesium, 400mg ibuprofen and .5mg Ativan and lots of chronic and slept mostly through the night (I have a 3&5yo). It broke!
But anyway I’m just proud of being on day 9. I’m still in chronic pain but I am hoping this eventually helps in the long run.