Welcome back to my running series of WWF PPV Reviews from a ‘blind’ perspective (I have no idea what’s going to happen; the results, the feuds or how good any of the matches will be). I have always heard stories of the attitude era and golden age but never watched it myself so I set myself to watching every single PPV event chronologically. I am also watching Wrestling Bios ‘reliving the war’ series to keep me updated inbetween the events with the feuds, and to get excited about upcoming matches.
Before I review the matches, based on the past few episodes of raw and last PPVs I’ll let you know, going into the event, which match I’m most excited for and which feud I’m most excited to see.
The match and feud I’m most excited to see is Shawn vs undertaker. I mean what needs to be said their feud is absolutely legendary, and with my favourite match of all time coming in the future between these two I cant wait to see how they perform together in these early years.
WWF In Your House - Ground Zero 1997 Match Ratings
Goldust vs Brian Pillman 2/5
Scott putski vs Brian Christopher 1/5
Savio vega vs Faarooq vs Crush 0.25/5
El torito vs Max Mini 1.5/5
Tag Fatal 4 way elimination match 1.75/5
The patriot vs Bret Hart 3.25/5
Shawn Michaels vs Undertaker 4.75/5
I cannot believe they pulled the “she’s my love child” story it’s so funny to look back on these storylines. Goldust and Pillman are set to fight and there’s a huge grudge for Goldust here so I’m hoping to see a physical bout.
Which it wasn’t… while it was a good bout with no botched or anything, and it was better than their Summerslam match. I saw pillman was limited due to an ankle problem he had, which is kinda weird with the amount of running around he did, but they still had a decent match. Honestly though this draw of this match was where the story was going and it definitely went 😂 Pillman managed to win the match by whacking Goldust with a brick concealed in marlenas bag, and literally drags marlena to his car where he drove off with her. Classic wwf is so hilarious.
The next match was the first time I’m seeing putski and Christopher wrestle and it was actually going well until that ending. I thought they pulled off some very clean looking spots but the crowd was completely dead for almost all of this match, especially after the match, just no one seemed to care. I didn’t really care for this Brian Christopher he was laughing like a clown or something, not even a figure of speech it was literally like a clown. He might’ve been trying to impersonate Lawler but it was just weird. I’m not sure if putski was actually injured or not it was pretty hard to tell but this match seemed like it was 3 or 4 minutes long of pretty dull action.
Going into the next match and honestly I’m pretty bored of these pointless gang wars but let’s see if it can deliver. Maybe rock will get involved and liven it up but all three competitors in this triple threat have yet to put on a good show during my journey through the new gen/attitude era. Also I feel like this is the first triple threat match I’ve seen since KOTR 1996 so there’s some level of excitement for me as it can make for a really entertaining match when done right.
I was surprised to see crush get a pop as I hadn’t heard one before when he made his entrance, but a big biker dude coming in on a massive Harley will get an American crowd going I suppose 😂. But oh man once the match got going there was actually boos going throughout the stadium for the last 1/3 of it. They were trying some weird thing where they played on the fact that they both used to be part of the NOD in which they’d team with farooq on sadio vega but oh my lord it didn’t work at all, it just came off like they had no idea what they were doing. There were no highlights at all, and the last 5 minutes was crush throwing vega out the ring to use moves solo on farooq to which he’d come back in the ring, break the pin and repeat the process. Then he randomly wants to team with crush after all that?? It made no sense at all and was just a bad match, the crowd wasn’t into it and booed during quite a bit of the match, big miss.
I’m just gunna call it a ‘mini-match’ and I’m sure you’ll know what I’m talking about but it ended up being entertaining for what it was in all fairness, much better than the match I’d just seen anyway. It was more of a funny performance than a match; they both end up biting everyone’s asses? Including the referee, and mini goes and steals lawyers crown too. El torito is bloody nuts, his character is basically to act like a bull so he chases refs and officials around trying to headbutt them, fu**ing nuts 😂. I do think it went on a little too long though, if they’re going to book this kind of match then it should be short and sweet filler rather than dragging it on. There was however a pretty good looking springboard move close to the end so that was cool. There were some impressive moves and the crowd was getting involved but It’s just some filler while the show gets going in the end.
Very good idea having dude love and Austin come out inbetween the matches to relinquish the titles as this crowd REALLY needed some livening up after the past hour of the show. And when Steve starts his promo the crowd eats up every second of it and it’s no surprise because he kills it as usual, what a breath of fresh air SCSA is in the WWF during this era. He’s throwing insults to Vince, to the sergeant to JR and it’s f***ing brilliant. It’s cool seeing dude love backing him up as well I think they actually make a really cool looking tag team. And then out of god damn nowhere he delivers a stunner to JR and the crowd absolutely loses it. I would say at this point he is truly the face of the WWF and it really does suck that he suffered that neck injury and couldn’t wrestle properly for a while, having to change his entire wrestling style because of it, but it was never to his detriment, we’re truly in the stone cold era now.
Before the fatal four way, while the LOD get interviewed I couldn’t help but notice how young Michael Cole looks, I mean obviously it’s over 25 years ago but still cool seeing how long he’s been involved.
I really don’t understand these fatal four way tag matches, they always come off weirdly as you can have two people from the same team in the ring that have to wrestle… but it makes no sense because why not just tag someone else in? I don’t know it’s a weird dynamic and I’m not surprised they dropped this type of match in the future.
It’s a shame LOD was the first to be eliminated because they randomly started beating the godwinns with a metal bucket? It makes 0 sense for them to blindly DQ themselves from getting the tag titles since they were crowd favourites, but okay you do you Vince. I wanted them to win too. I know a few people don’t care for LOD but they’re top 2 tag teams in the wwf right now beside Owen and bulldog. The godwinns get eliminated next (thank god), and they just feel like the most filler tag team I’ve ever seen they’re SOOO bland and basic, they don’t even play up to their hillbilly characters anymore which is a new level of bad I won’t lie. I was really REALLY surprised that headbangers took away the belts though, with the massive push of the hart foundation I thought it was a no brainer. It was awesome seeing Austin come in and disrupt the match, he absolutely brings the whole arena completely alive whenever he does anything. Overall though the match was bad and it went on far too long even with four teams. I think the ending was pretty fun but that was only about 2 minutes of the match that was entertaining the rest just felt veryyyy slow.
Man this event has really gotta pull out some f***ing 5/5 main events for it to be worth watching because we’re 1 hour 45 minutes in without a match over 2/5 at most.
When I hear Kurt angles theme playing I was so happy, excited, confused, and then disappointed when I realised it was 3 or 4 years too early. I had no idea they kept this theme and used it for Kurt angle as well as patriot.
I have a small inkling that Bret hart didn’t perform as well as he could’ve in this match because he was annoyed about Shawn getting the top spot after everything that’s gone down and him working more regularly recently than Shawn. Patriot wasn’t a bad wrestler but his character was extremely bland, what would happen after this feud? He’d just be a guy that’s proud to be from America that looks like a Mexican wrestler… in the time of big characters making the main events he unfortunately doesn’t really fit in that well. His in ring ability was good though, no botches or anything but I just couldn’t really feel myself getting into this match. I didn’t really know if they’d book patriot in to take the wwf title as I was pretty sure they wouldn’t want hart to lose his title being such a huge name in the business right now. It was pretty fun when Vader and bulldog came out for some extra drama with them interfering with each of the wrestlers but it’s not a good sign when a match needs drama like that to elevate it. It’s better than what we’ve seen tonight but not particularly worth watching. If you love Bret hart give it a watch as he was his usual fantastic in ring performer but it’s not one of his best for sure. The crowd was really into it, making the hard camera shake chanting “USA USA”, so that was cool, but I’m not entirely sure if it’s because of the crowd or because it was such a small venue. Also worth noting Bret hart is a perfect heel character, he’s a massive star with a character that works perfectly as a heel because he sprinkles some IRL elements into everything he does. The move of breaking the American flag pole and the strangling patriot with the flag is just brilliant, makes it that extra bit more believable and I love it, Americans however must’ve hated it!
Shawn Michaels entrance was so hilarious, he gets hit by a… idk what that even was, a brown cabbage? He makes BJ notions to the crowd, his pyro doesn’t go off properly in the ring like it usually does, and he still pulled it off because he’s HBK, fantastic. This FEELS like main event material though and I’m really excited for it. Sometimes main events don’t really build up properly and just haven’t got that hype behind it but this match should be great. The first of many times we’d see these legends in the ring together.
Starting off the match right too with undertaker taking out the referee and allowing undertaker to take it to the outside and absolutely lay into Michael’s without a count out. I absolutely loved Shawn’s selling during this match too, it’s so over the top that it’s brilliant, with one of his famous vertical presses while he gets kicked in the belly whilst in the corner, love it. Him begging to the ref to dq undertaker, trying to escape through the door of the set and banging on the door, it all works really well and he plays up undertakers character perfectly. I hate when wrestlers forget they’re supposed to play up this undertaker being very scary it really takes away immersion but Shawn does it perfectly. The boos for undertaker seem to be from the women only and the cheers for Shawn seem to be from the women only, of course 😂. I also love seeing the origins of d generation x, one of my all time favourite tag teams as I’m sure is the same with everyone else. HHH makes his way down to the ring with a referee to replace the numerous ones that have been taken out during this match, and they are just the perfect team together I love it.
The actual match I thought was really really fun. It was absolute chaos and maybe not a wrestling masterclass but you can’t deny it was fun. From start to finish we go through 3 referees, we get strangling with power chords, we get triple H and HBK telling the crowd to suck it, and an amazing back and forth showcase from Michael’s and undertaker. I think this match did an absolutely fantastic job and reinstating the undertaker as the most intimidating wrestler in the wwf. The poor referees during this match though, they got absolutely abused. The only thing I didn’t like about this match was the ending. Another random referee comes to the ring to end the match as a DQ, which is a really stupid ending because illegal stuff had already happened when the other referees came to the ring so why wouldn’t they have ended it then? The action continues after the match with undertaker almost soloing Michael’s and HHH. More officials come to the ring as Michael’s beats the hell out of them. And then other wrestlers are forced to come to the ring to try and break the two up which was awesome to see. This really sets up further matches between the two, and I think that’s was the whole idea of the match which worked well, it’s just that I hate these random DQ endings to main events. We see the undertaker flying over the top rope for… I think the first time? Correct me if I’m wrong but I’m pretty sure that’s the first time I’ve seen it in this era which was of course AWESOME!! Overall a really fun match that sets up for further main events but it’s held back by its weird and stupid decision. It’s still well worth a watch if you enjoy this feud however.
Overall, whilst the main event hit all the right places for me I just don’t think the WWF was ready for a 3 hour event yet. They simply didn’t have the roster for it to be enjoyable and so many of these matches went way longer than they had any business doing. I think Bret hart is always gunna deliver so he was fun to watch but it just want one of his best but the main event hit in every single way apart from the finish which I understand is setting up for further matches but ughhhh it was done weirdly and poorly. If you’re gunna watch this event, skip everything but the main event it’s just not worth sitting through everything else.
Overall rating 2.75/5

Unless you are ready to handle the reaper cushions.

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.
― Mark Twain

general information	additional information
name: Micah Di Santis	preferred name: Myka, Mike
d.o.b.: 10 June 20XX	age: 16
nationality: Sicilian	hometown: Sicily, Italy
gender identity: cis-male	gender expression: male
sexual orientation: Undecided	preferred pronouns: he / him / his

• Half-blood- and non-half-blood-related conundrums: ADHD (attention deficiency and hyperactivity disorder), Dyslexia

relation	name/s	age	relationship
divine parent	Charon, The Ferryman	old	Micah still has no idea what to think about his dad. Speaking with him during the visit to Olympus did nothing to clear things up. The man, or was it immortal, was blunt and yet, his son's opinion of him was still up in the air, though leaning more to the positive side. At least Micah has the connections to get himself an admittedly fantastic tailored suit.
mortal parent	???	???	Micah has no idea who his biological mother is. The only reason he knew who his father was before he came to camp was because the spirits told him.
mortal adoptive parent	Maria Di Santis	32 years old	If Marco was a saint then Maria was a saintess through and through. Everything she did, she did with someone else in mind. From the day she adopted Micah to the moment Marco died, Micah did not see her cry for herself at all. She'd cry when a little boy got hurt and would offer help or cry when she saw a cat get kicked by some drunk douchebag.
mortal adoptive parent	Vincino (Vinny) Bertelli	37 years old	Vincino is an absurdly rich man who was born and raised in Sicily. He found Maira through her singing on the side of the road to raise money for Micah's trip to the US. He offered to take her in because he liked her and sponsored Micah's trip by giving him some money and a ticket onto a transatlantic cruise ship headed to New York City. All things considered, he's a kind and considerate man who loves Maria.
adoptive brother	Marco Di Santis	14 years old, Deceased	Marco Di Santis was a saint. Ever since he learned the word 'kindness', he was absorbed and defined by it. He loved seeing the smiles bloom on people's faces when he shared some bread or helped them with something but what he truly loved more than anything else was sailing and playing the piano. He was handsome beyond reason, having pale blonde hair and clear blue eyes, though he never had a chance to grow into it fully.
dead guy	Chris	16 years old, Deceased	Like Marco, Chris is one big ball of sunshine. The only difference is he's a ghost. Micah met Chris on the cruise he stowed away on to get to the US and the ghost promptly joined him, though reluctantly because he was watching over his parents and little brother, due to finding him interesting. Like Marco, Chris is handsome though he had more time to grow into his looks. Framed by golden hair and chocolate brown eyes, Micah wouldn't have doubted it if the boy was very popular during his living days.
friend	Willow 'Will' Crest	16 years old	One of the more laid-back campers Micah had met, Willow became something of a friend to the son of Charon, though they started off more as discussion partners than anything else. And besides, being chill-buddies is pretty fun on its own. Who knows where things can go from there?
friend	Rachel 'Rocky' Williams	17 years old	Rocky was one of the first people Micah met upon arriving at camp and her enthusiasm, uncharacteristic for a child of a chthonic god, immediately made her stand out. Though he genuinely has no idea what goes through Rocky's head, Micah considers them close, and okay, maybe he has a minuscule crush on her.
friend/former cabin-mate	Ramona Herrera	16 years old	Being another camper who met Micah's criteria for friendship (i.e. Be chill and relax), Ramona is someone who Micah doesn't know too much about. Much like Kit, who Micah has seen around camp and the Hermes Cabin, she is a mystery to him. Though he does enjoy trying to spot which corner she's hiding in at any given camp gathering.
acquaintance (?)	Mathew Knight	15 years old	Matt is, as far as friendship is concerned, a work-in-progress. Micah's father had recommended getting to know the son of Hades and though he'd lost himself in school shortly after, Micah had made introductions.

appearance

faceclaim	height	weight	hair	eyes	skin
FC, Art by Charlie Bowater	5’11”	Doesn't care	Black	Amber, fiery like gold	Lightly tanned, peppered with a few more recent thin scars from his time at camp

description: Micah is a fairly restrained person when it comes to clothes. Usually, he'd only grab a long-sleeved shirt and some jeans, feeling content. Most of his clothing is fairly average, what with them being of all sorts of muted colors and sorts of clothing. He isn't used to expressing himself whether it is though clothing or other methods.
equipment:

• Folding Knife; The cleaver-shaped folding knife was a present from his brother and Micah has taken to using it for almost everything in his day to day. When his mother fell ill after Marco's death, Micah had to scrub the docks, cut rope to secure the boats, and even got to work on some boats during outings for extra cash. The knife became like a lifeline, being used for everything he had to do.
• Bead Necklace; Micah has been at camp for a year now.
• Monster Directory; Over the years, Micah has seen one or two monsters in their undisguised forms and has taken to keeping note of them by drawing them in as great a detail as he can remember in a separate notebook from the rest of his drawings while also making notes of tactics that worked against them.
• Sketchbook; Ever since he started drawing, Micah has had a good amount of sketchbooks, most of which he donated to orphanages in Sicily for the little kids to enjoy the drawings if they weren't destroyed by seawater or other kids. After he donated his last one with a few pages blank at the end, he got himself a new book, this one being leather-bound and practically a blank slate. He's glad to have an abundance of space to draw as his story unfolds.
• Art Supplies; A good amount of colored and uncolored pencils, all in different states of use, either dull or sharp, long or short, and an eraser in a dark brown leather box.
• Satchel; The over-the-shoulder bag Micah carries around with all of his items. It's nothing special, just an olive green bag with a good amount of compartments and space.
• Throwing Knife Bandolier; Micah's choice of weapon, the bandolier he carries is easy to hide under civilian clothes, fast to access, and easy to use. The knives are of standard make and easily replaceable with others from the armory, though Micah tends to clean and sharpen them himself after each use.

abilities:
* – modmailed / custom

godrent domain powers: 

a) Dead Communication; Ever since his close brush with death, Micah's powers surged. His father's connection to spirits and those who have died became his and as such he can now see and communicate with the spirits of the dead. They have been his only source of information on his father. He likes to build a network of spirits whenever he goes somewhere new so he can gather information as fast as possible.
b) Shadow Camouflage; From a fairly young age, Micah wasn't much of a social butterfly. Most of the time, he felt most comfortable in a shadowy nook where the lines of his body would be broken by shadows, using the ability unconsciously. After his near-death experience, Micah became more aware of his ability to hide in shadows and learned to use it more effectively than before.
c) Shadow Travel\;* After an unknowably long amount of time spent in Hades, Micah's father, Charon, was aligned with the underworld to which he led the souls of the dead. Similarly, Micah has inherited the ability to travel through shadows in short or long-range teleports.

godrent minor powers: 

a) River Step\;* The connection with the River Styx flows through Micah's veins as much as it does through his father's. The ability this connection granted him was the ability to walk on water, as long as there is no significant shift to the water, such as large waves.
b) Death Buff\;* Being a servant of the God of the Dead, it only makes sense that Charon would draw his own power from his master. As such, Micah has inherited a trait where he becomes stronger when around children of other deities of death, such as Hades, Melinoe, Zagreus, the Oneiroi, etc.
c) Aura of the Harbinger\;* Being a multifaceted deity, Charon passed down his multifacetedness in the form of an aura ability. Micah has the ability to project an aura with two opposite effects that work on separate targets. A calming effect affects any spirits within the aura while an imposing effect like that of Children of Hades affects living beings within the aura's range.

godrent major powers: 

a) Major Watercraft Manipulation\;* Being known as the Ferryman of the Dead, it only makes sense for Charon, and Micah by extension, to have dominion over watercraft. Micah's control over watercraft was one of the first powers he discovered and the power that is most intertwined with him in his entirety. He has inherited the ability to gain absolute control over any and all watercraft down to the rigging and ropes.

skillset 

Over the years, Micah has picked up a good variety of skills, including fishing and rope work. Still, there have been a great many learning experiences for the boy on the streets of Sicily. Free running came as a given to any child of below-average means in Sicily but Micah was significantly worse than most thanks to a leg injury he got at the age of thirteen. Drawing was the only real luxury he had during his time when he wasn't working. A young lady from a carnival that was passing through taught him how to use throwing knives after he helped her find her way around the city. He learned ballet by watching, sitting for hours outside a studio every day for weeks until he'd gotten good enough to practice independently, which led to his interest in gymnastics. One of the older neighborhood boys took to teaching Micah, his brother, and the other kids how to read and write in English. Micah's adoptive mother insisted on teaching him how to speak English from a young age. Now, he can speak English with a barely noticeable Sicilian accent.
personality
Micah is about as quiet as you'd expect from a Chthonic kid. That isn't to say that he is particularly serious or brooding, in fact, even when he's upset, he rarely does either. He mainly remains silent because he isn't particularly talented at talking. His reactions to most things tend to be a bit muted unless something is especially funny or angering. Any of the kids that liked him or trusted him in Sicily did so because they understood that when it was needed, Micah would talk as much as was needed and would do what needed to be done to keep everyone safe.
Fatal Flaw; Vengefulness
backstory
Micah's past year at camp had been simultaneously the most relaxing and confusing year of his life. There had been a unfamiliarity that Micah had with anything to do with relaxation or really anything but working that had slowly melted away. He'd made friends and discovered passions that might have otherwise gone ignored for the rest of his life (Art was definitely one of those).
So, when school started to take over his time, Micah barely gave it any thought, settling back into his old work mentality, though now focused on mental instead of physical labor. Before he knew it, it was summer, school was out, and he was back at the start, not knowing how to get himself to relax.
now
Micah stared at the ground around the Range target blankly, the celestial bronze knives scattered around it refracting light. He was jolted out of his mental haze when a camper a few rows down yelled at him for standing in front of the target for so long. Quickly finishing up gathering his throwing knives, Micah slotted them into his bandolier and left the Range.
For a while, he just walked, until he reached the pier. Boats had been a constant of Micah's life before coming to camp and when he was really out of it or off his rocker, the son of Charon liked to settle at the camp pier and imagine what sort of sea vessel he'd design for himself. Aesthetics might not have mattered to everyone but to Micah, they did. The ship would have to look as good as it sailed.
Now, he fell onto his back in the sand a few meters from the pier and stared up at the sky. Barely any clouds. Gods that was boring.
(Credit to u/FireyRage for the amazing intro format.)

In a lot of ways I'm having a very poly, very relationship anarchy version of the cliche "I'm in love with my best friend, help!" situation. I hope you read on though, because while I think the prototypical advice for this is "just tell them how you feel!", I think that advice is at the very least not clear cut in this situation. Or maybe I'm too close to it and that's exactly what I should do! Therein lies the problem.
In short, I'm in a situation where I have a proper serious crush on my best friend / semi-platonic life partner* (more on our relationship later); we've already proven to be really compatible people, and I think there's a real possibility that exploring kink and more romantic-style intimacy would be very positive, and it's something I'm curious about (to put it in more RA terms). That being said, I really love where our semi-platonic relationship has landed -- it's comfortable, it's unusual in a cool way, and I would be so happy to just have a version of what we have now for the rest of our lives. Part of my nerves for the "just tell them how you feel!" thing comes from that last part: I truly would be so happy with our relationship the way it is for the rest of our lives. If I knew that telling them how I feel compromises that, I just wouldn't. If I knew it just wouldn't work out between us, I just wouldn't. I've felt this way about them for a long time and really not struggled with the feelings, but I'm worried I might regret not asking just in case that's a relationship we could explore.
If you stop reading now the above is the core of my problem, but there's some extra context that does add color to it that I'll provide here below. For one, we both summarize our relationship to other people as (depending on how well they know poly / RA terms) either "besties / best friends" or "semi-platonic life partners". The most accurate summary I can give that isn't 10 paragraphs is essentially: emotionally sensual, somewhat physically intimate platonic life partners. We're very comfortable cuddling and being naked around each other, we do some non-sexual kink exploration together (like shibari), we are extremely emotionally close, and we're just two degenerate queers who like play and the outdoors and many other shared interests. We switch off between Riley and Jonesy energy (if you know Letterkenny; two hockey bro types that are always up to silly shenanigans) to art hoes and everything in-between. It's a special relationship already.
They are also in a romantic relationship with a good friend of mine (29M), and the three of us consider ourselves to be a thruple / polycule, just with one platonic member (me). They're very happy in that relationship and get their romantic needs met well in it. We all love each other a lot and generally are excited about a future together (all 3 of us). There's even been discussion of having children together (as in having, y'know, not just raising).
So it's tricky: I love where we're at. Our thruple is weird and cool and very very comfortable. The other two members have their needs met very well in this structure. So far our positioning as a group is that we're all open to a 4th member so that I also have romantic needs met, so it's got long term space for whatever. There's a wonderful thing here that I don't want to compromise, but that chance that a romantic relationship with my bestie would work is something I keep coming back to. Plus I feel like I'm keeping a secret from them, which I hate -- we don't really do that with anything else. It doesn't get in the way of my romantic relationships--I have a very lovely romantic relationship that's building with someone outside of this thruple--and like I said I'd be so happy to leave it as is if that's the best version of our relationship.
So uh, that's a little rambly. Thanks for reading to the end. Any advice or insight would be appreciated!

“Will you look at that,” Captain Yontan marveled from the observation deck. They had arrived in the Solar System at long last, the old bastion of knowledge mankind had abandoned many millennia ago.
“Such a basic tech, yet so beautiful, so… poetic,” Lezlybe uttered, gazing at the constant flux of Sunfire Conduit pulled from the sun to one, two, three relays, and finally to the surface of Pluto, where its energy was being harnessed inside a crater. “And you’re certain that’s where the Ultimate Knowledge is stored?”
“Yes,” Yontan nodded. “Every clue leads to Pluto. Can you imagine? The Ultimate Knowledge, lost for millennia, on this planet out of all places.”
“Ready to descend at your command, captain,” announced Ghenna.
Yontan turned to his crew and smiled. It was the first time they had seen him do that in months. “Hover around the south-south-eastern quadrant of the crater. That’s where the entrance is supposed to be.”
“Yes, Sir!”
Lezlybe’s turned to face the captain, her long black hair swirling around with her.
“Wouldn’t that energy burn us on approach?”
“It might be basic tech, but not that basic, Lez,” said Yontan. “It’s safe up to a distance of 100 meters. Don’t underestimate the intelligence of our ancestors because they built this thing in the distant past. They were as smart as us. Smarter even, in certain aspects, I’m sure.”
“Found the entrance, captain,” said Ghenna. It was a pale peach colored door built on the craterside.
“Land near it, wherever it’s stable.”
“Yes, Sir!”
The ship touched down next to the Hollis Crater. Yontan and four others suited up and left the craft. Before heading for the door, the team stopped to gaze at the Sunfire Conduit from their position. It went up, up, up as far as the eye could see.
Jmerr was awestruck.
“I can’t believe we’re able to look at it with basic sun visors. Do you think our ancestors purposefully designed it like that?”
“Of course,” said Yontan, mesmerized by the spiraling blaze swooshing down the crater. “Aesthetics have always been important, especially since it used to be connected to three planets, two dwarf planets, and eight moons. Many renown painters have depicted the Conduits in their art. Although no physical portraits survived, their works have been well documented over hundreds of books.”
Lezlybe approached Jmerr and put her hand over his shoulder.
“I kind of wish we could hear its thunderous sound. I imagine it’d be a satisfying swoosh, kind of like a blowtorch.”
“You’d be deaf before you’d hear a thing,” laughed Yontan. “We’re speaking of extremely powerful jets coming from a star, after all. I can’t wait to see why they’re pulling so much energy on such a small planet. It’s totally excessive in my view.”
“Maybe it’s not,” said Lezlybe. “Especially if the Ultimate Knowledge is behind this door.”
The team approached the door, a small black panel to its side. Yontan placed a round device on top and, seconds later, it retracted into the ground.
“A Grampus?” frowned Jmerr, even though no one could see his face behind the visor. “Why do you use this old AI?”
“Because I don’t know the code,” explained Yontan as they stepped inside a long hall. “So I brought this device with me to crack the password. Don’t forget that this here is also old tech. Newer devices could break something.” He glanced over his shoulder at the wide-open entryway with the ship not too far behind. “But it looks like the Grampus broke it anyway since it doesn’t slide shut.”
At the end of the wide turquoise hall, another door was easily popped open with Yontan’s device. This time, however, the heavy door closed shut when the last person stepped in.
“I hope we’re not trapped in this small room,” gulped Lezlybe.
“Don’t worry, we can ask someone on board to cut it open if needed,” said Yontan. “After all we –”
PSHHHHHHHH
A burst of gas sprayed them from all sides, followed by a shower of heavy liquid. A few moments after it stopped, the door in front of them opened, and a gentle male voice greeted them.
“Welcome to U.K. ONE. The current air pressure is at 101.3 kilopascals, with a temperature of 22.4 degrees Celsius and a humidity level set at 60% RH.”
The voice then proceeded to inform them about the room’s condition among other sets of data.
“I see. We were inside a basic decompression chamber,” muttered Jmerr.
The tallest crewmate, Lessandre, popped his helmet off and took a deep breath.
“Ah, historical fresh air,” he boomed, looking around the oval room. “It brings a tear to my eye.”
“What are you doing?” Yontan shouted. “We don’t know what particles or microorganisms could linger in here.”
“Relax, captain. Tyche analyzed the air and told me it’s fine. Why don’t you all retract your visors and experience this multimillennial-old air? You’ll never have the chance to do that again, you know.”
Yontan checked with his own version of his AI, Tyche, and everything seemed to be fine, so he retracted the visor of his helmet as well, just in time to scratch an itch on his beard. The rest of the crew followed, except for Jmerr.
“Come on, Jmerr. It’s a unique experience, my friend,” beamed Lessandre, tapping on his shoulder.
Jmerr scowled at Lessandre. “I refuse to take unnecessary risks.”
“As you wish,” Lessandre grinned, loudly sniffing the air. “Ahhh. The air in here is exceptionally… how to describe it?”
“Dusty?” Lezlybe chimed in. “I think the auto-clean on the filter stopped working long ago.”
Yontan was ignoring his crew, inspecting the walls of this oval room for clues. But the room was pretty much empty, outside of the air conditioning holes and lights flickering on the ceiling.
“I know there’s another door on the other side of the crater, but that one’s the entrance to the accumulator and workspaces,” he muttered to himself, caressing the wall in the hopes of finding a button or a gap of sorts.
“Is that place also turquoise?” asked Lessandre. “I really hate this color. Reminds me too much of my ex.”
Lezlybe rolled her eyes.
“Then why don’t we go there?” asked Ghenna, who had closed her visor since she didn’t like the smell.
“Because,” began Yontan absent-mindedly while brushing his hands over the wall, “every document points to this place. We’ll check the other site if we don’t find anything here. Now if only I – aha! A button. This might be it.”
Yontan pushed it with his finger. Instead of clicking, like any other button would, his index finger sank completely in. He immediately withdrew it, fearing something might cut his finger off. But the button came back, except it was now white and protruded out of the wall. Yontan hesitantly pressed it.
An oval pedestal emerged from the middle of the floor, gradually rising until it reached chest height. The left side slid open with melodious clicks, and out came a small table with a round black object on it with a sky-blue center. Before they had the time to guess what it was, a hologram rose from it, displaying the head of an old balding man with a lazy eye.
“Greetings, future humans,” said the feeble voice. “And welcome to K.U. ONE. What is your purpose here?”
Yontan glanced at his crew, who gave him a nod and shrugs. He cleared his throat and spoke clearly, “We’ve come here to gain access to the Ultimate Knowledge, which is said to contain the answers to our purpose within the universe.”
“I see. And you are one, two, five. Oh! That is good news, good news indeed. I’ve been waiting for you. Well, not me per se, since I’m long dead, I suppose,” the hologram laughed, “but my digital image. And five? Oh, proof that nothing happens at random.”
Yontan was slightly taken aback.
“Wait. You’re not a simple recording?”
“No, no. I’m enhanced with artificial intelligence. It speaks as I would speak, saying what I asked it to say – with a bit of panache. Now, move to the other side of the pedestal. It will pop open and contain a box.”
The other side popped open, displaying a silver box embossed with gold on the edges. It was beautiful. Lessandre grabbed it and tried to pry it open.
“Tut-tut! You need the key to open the box. I’ll hand it over only of you accept to eat its contents.”
“Eat it?” Yontan uttered in excitement. “Will it alter our brains? Give us the knowledge we yearn for?”
“Not quite. But it is a necessary step.”
“I won’t touch it,” Jmerr stated firmly. “I don’t trust this man. Whatever’s inside, it’s been in there for thousands of years. There’s no way it’s still edible.”
“Oh but it is,” grinned the man. “What do you think the Sunfire Conduit is used for?”
“What?” uttered Lezlybe. “The power of the sun used for… food?”
“Of course, there’s more to it. But a lot of energy is necessary to cool it down to near zero kelvin and keep it that way until it’s very slowly reheated to the ideal temperature for you to savor.
“Now, will you eat its contents or not?”
“Why don’t we bring it back to the ship and study it?” suggested Jmerr.
“The moment you leave the room with the box, its contents will be destroyed, and so will the key to Ultimate Knowledge.”
Yontan exchanged a glance with his crew. Lessandre gave him thumbs up, Ghenna nodded and Lezlybe shrugged. Jmerr was the only one to firmly shake his head.
“Fine, we’ll eat its contents,” said Yontan, upon which Jmerr put his hands up in the air in frustration.
A key appeared from the front of the pedestal. Yonan used it to open the box Lessandre was holding. Five dark-brown spherical objects were neatly placed within fitting molds, resembling the five dots on a die.
“Behold the Five Orbs of Knowledge,” the hologram said solemnly. “I recommend one for each of you.”
Jmerr crossed his arms. “There’s no way I’m touching this.”
“What if someone eats two?” asked Yontan, eyeing Jmerr.
“It would sadden me, even though it might be beneficial to grasp the Ultimate Knowledge.”
Without hesitation, Lessandre popped the middle one in his mouth. Every other crewmate was staring at him. A few bites in, he suddenly froze, eyes wide open. His gaze slowly shifted from Yontan, to Lezlybe, to Ghenna – whose visor was now lowered – and finally stopped on Jmerr.
“Awl eash ‘em bofh,” he rapidly chewed, popping a second one in. “Awl eash ‘em owl ihf you guysh downt.”
Yontan’s hand was shaking as he picked his Orb. Lezlybe and Ghenna also chose one.
“On the count of three,” gulped Yontan, as he noticed the horrified look on Jmerr. “One… two… three!”
The shell of the Orb had a slight crunch, with a rather soft, creamy inner core, gently melting on their tongue. Sweet with a zest of bitterness. Each bite, each movement of their tongue was another moment they savored, dreading the end of this unique flavor. It was an explosion of exoticism, a sensory overload inside their mouth; the richness of the Orb filled their taste buds and souls alike with pure bliss.
Then there was the aroma, dissolving the dusty odor of the room with its arboraceous perfume. It reminded them of Terrestrial woods, now planted across various planets in the Milky Way. Comforting, ancient, nostalgic, and so raw at heart.
Fortunately, this jolly adventure didn’t end after they swallowed it, no, each residue, sticking to the various corners of their mouths, lingered like a fleeting memory soon to disappear forever. Yet it was still there, to grasp with the palm of their hands. But when they tried to, it became vapor, dwindling, yet etched in their brains with such strength it would be impossible to ever forget this moment. Ever.
Their minds were still floating on a cloud of ecstasy when Yontan stared at Lessandre.
“You ate two,” he breathed. “And you,” he turned to Jmerr, “you have no idea what you’ve just missed. It’s… indescribably delectable.” Yontan faced the hologram. “Please, give us one more, for Jmerr. He has to try this… Orb.”
The hologram grinned widely, creasing the old man’s entire face.
“These were the last five. There are no more.”
“WHAT?” everyone shouted at once.
“Th– that’s it? No more?” Yontan’s shoulder slumped. “Why didn’t you tell us earlier? We could’ve taken it back to the ship and try to recreate it.”
“It’s impossible without the recipe.”
“A recipe? Give it to us, I don’t care about Ultimate Knowledge anymore,” Lessandre laughed.
“But you had two,” Lezlybe scowled.
“And I want more,” he chuckled. “I’ve never felt better in my life. Even two were far too few!”
“Yes, hand us the recipe so we can share it with the rest of the crew,” pleaded Yontan.
The hologram seemed more and more pleased with itself.
“Even if I gave you the recipe you couldn’t make it when the main ingredient’s missing.”
“What’s the main ingredient?” Ghenna asked.
“Cacao. And these were chocolate truffles, which I made myself utilizing the very last cacao beans to ever exist. I’m sorry. You’ll never eat chocolate ever again.”
Jmerr seemed disappointed upon hearing it, especially after seeing how everyone reacted to it.
“B – but… why?” Yontan asked. “Why offer us a delicious treat only to punch us in the gut right after?”
The hologram smiled. “Think. What is your purpose here?”
“To acquire Ultimate Knowledge… But I fail to understand…”
“If my clock is correct, 3622 years have passed since the last human – which is myself – set wheels in this room. 3622 years of technological advancement, of accumulated mastery of various sciences and understanding of the universe. Yet you believe Ultimate Knowledge is to be found in the past?”
The crewmembers looked at each other, dumbfounded.
“So… it doesn’t exist?” suggested Lezlybe. “We’ve come this far for nothing…”
“Haven’t you just experienced the ultimate delicacy of humankind? Therein lies everything you need to know.”
“It’s not about the knowledge,” began Yontan, “but about the experience we savor?”
“Exactly!” Clapping hands appeared in front of the hologram’s face. “Instead of looking for something that may not be, learn to cherish the transient nature of existence through every experience you encounter. Who knows what happens once you’re dead? Constant hesitation leads to a life of lost opportunities. One of you has learned this lesson the hard way, I’m afraid. However, the tall man over there has greatly benefited from this lesson. Balance in all things!”
“No data is ever lost,” snorted Jmerr scornfully. “Death is simply the temporary loss of information until it’s retrieved.”
“The no-hiding theorem,” smiled the hologram. “Of course. But you wouldn’t be here if you could completely determine the state of the entire universe. Thus, my rhetoric stays valid. For as long as this is beyond our grasp – likely until humanity’s extinction – you ought to cherish every experience and lose your fear of consequences within reason.”
The room went silent, the subtle taste of chocolate still lingering in their mouths like the fading words of an old love letter.
“What do we do now, captain?” Ghenna asked shyly.
“Take your new-found knowledge and share it with others,” the hologram said before Yontan could open his mouth.
“So… there really is nothing else here?”
“Nothing at all.”
The hologram fluttered for a moment.
“Were these really the last pieces of chocolate?”
“Yes.”
“Then why didn’t you eat them yourself?”
“Because sharing is the quintessential attribute of humanity. And I’m glad to have contributed my part, even though it took several millennia.”
“So why use all that energy from the sun?” asked Lezlybe.
“It’s twofold,” said the hologram. “Partially to keep this chocolate in pristine state, as I said before. You’ll understand the second reason soon enough. Let’s say it’s a parting gift, for that man who hasn’t eaten his Orb.”
“I don’t understand.” Yontan was running his fingers through his hair. “You speak of sharing, yet we won’t be able to share this exquisite experience. There’s no chocolate left.”
“Share the wisdom you’ve acquired. Or perhaps you shall find something unique to share with others as I did. Even the stories of your adv–”
The man disappeared for a few seconds.
“–entures – Ah? We’ve been cut. Soon I shall be free, just like your minds. Swiftly return to your ships, and sail t–”
It flickered again and stopped for nearly ten seconds.
“–he vast empty space to… wherever your heart leads you. Farewell. Fare well indeed.”
The hologram zoomed out to show an old man sitting on a wheelchair, waving both hands. It flickered one last time before completely fading out with a hum.
Suddenly, a familiar voice spoke from everyone’s earpiece.
“Captain, is everything all right?” asked one of the crew left on the ship in a panic.
“Why? Did the entrance crumble down?”
“No, Sir. It’s the Conduit. You need to see this for yourself.”
The crew put on their visors and hurried out of the room, through the hallway, out on the freezing surface of Pluto. They gasped upon staring up.
“The Conduit!” Ghenna uttered.
It was oscillating, slowly shrinking until the last flames swooshed back and forth from the relay to the crater, and then, it retracted entirely.
“It’s… it’s gone…” sighed Yontan.
“The parting gift,” Jmerr sobbed. “He knew. He knew someone might not try out the chocolate truffle, and he purposefully shut down the entire system.”
Lessandre turned to Jmerr. “Consider this your incredible experience. We must be the only humans to ever see this happen in real time.”
“But we can reconnect it, unlike the chocolate, can’t we?” said Lizlybe.
Yontan shook his head. “Do you know of the ancient pyramids in the northern African continent?”
“Yeah…” she hesitated. “Vaguely.”
“Do you know why they’ve never been rebuilt?”
Lezlybe shrugged.
“Because there’s nothing to gain in doing so.” He pointed his finger at the vast expanse above him. “We’ve never rebuilt the ancient pyramids – not due to complexity, but due to loss of time and resources involved without any actual benefit. I’m afraid this is the last time anyone has admired this old tech at work.”
Upon their return on the ship, they told the rest of the crew what inside the U.K. ONE.
“So the Ultimate Knowledge doesn’t exist?” one of the crewmember asked.
Yontan took one last glance at the crater as the ship took off.
“I believe it does,” he beamed, looking at the bemused faces of his crew. “Not here.” He gently tapped his temple. “But here.” His hand rested on his chest. “And there.” His arms were wide open, as if trying to embrace his whole crew at once. “Acquired wisdom is the Ultimate Knowledge. And the ability to share experiences with others is our greatest gift.”

"Why Did Jesus Die on the Cross?"

The main reason Jesus died on the cross was to defeat Satan and set us free from his oppressive rule. Everything else that Jesus accomplished was to be understood as an aspect and consequence of this victory (e.g., Recapitulation, Moral Influence, etc.).
This understanding of why Jesus had to die is called the Christus Victor (Latin for “Christ is Victorious”) view of the atonement. But, what exactly was Christ victorious from, and why? To find out the answers to these questions, we have to turn to the Old Testament, as that's what the apostles would often allude to in order to properly teach their audience the message they were trying to convey (Rom. 15:4).
The OT is full of conflict between the Father (YHVH) and false gods, between YHVH and cosmic forces of chaos. The Psalms speak of this conflict between YHVH and water monsters of the deeps (an ancient image for chaos) (Psa. 29:3-4; 74:10-14; 77:16, 19; 89:9-10; 104:2-9, etc).
The liberation of Israel from Egypt wasn’t just a conflict between Pharaoh and Moses. It was really between YHVH and the false gods of Egypt.
Regardless of whether you think the aforementioned descriptions are literal or metaphorical, the reality that the Old Testament describes is that humanity lived in a “cosmic war zone.”
The Christus Victor motif is about Christ reigning victorious over wicked principalities and Satan's kingdom, and is strongly emphasized throughout the New Testament. Scripture declares that Jesus came to drive out "the prince of this world” (John 12:31), to “destroy the works of the devil” (1 John 3:8), to “destroy him that had the power of death, that is, the devil” (Heb. 2:14) and to “put all enemies under his feet” (1 Cor 15:25). Jesus came to overpower the “strong man” (Satan) who held the world in bondage and worked with his Church to plunder his "palace" (Luke 11:21-22). He came to end the reign of the cosmic “thief” who seized the world to “steal, and to kill, and to destroy” the life YHVH intended for us (John 10:10). Jesus came and died on the cross to disarm “the principalities and powers” and make a “shew of them openly [i.e., public spectacle]” by “triumphing over them in [the cross]” (Col. 2:15).
Beyond these explicit statements, there are many other passages that express the Christus Victor motif as well. For example, the first prophecy in the Bible foretells that a descendent of Eve (Jesus) would crush the head of the serpent (Gen. 3:15). The first Christian sermon ever preached proclaimed that Jesus in principle conquered all YHVH's enemies (Acts 2:32-36). And the single most frequently quoted Old Testament passage by New Testament authors is Psalm 110:1 which predicts that Christ would conquer all YHVH’s opponents. (Psalm 110 is quoted or alluded to in Matthew 22:41-45; 26:64, Mark 12:35-37; 14:62, Luke 20:41-44; 22:69, Acts 5:31; 7:55-56, Romans 8:34, 1st Corinthians 15:22-25, Ephesians 1:20, Hebrews 1:3; 1:13; 5:6, 10; 6:20; 7:11, 15, 17, 21; 8:1; 10:12-13, 1st Peter 3:22, and Revelation 3:21.) According to New Testament scholar Oscar Cullman, the frequency with which New Testament authors cite this Psalm is the greatest proof that Christ’s “victory over the angel powers stands at the very center of early Christian thought.”
Because of man's rebellion, the Messiah's coming involved a rescue mission that included a strategy for vanquishing the powers of darkness.
Since YHVH is a God of love who gives genuine “say-so” to both angels and humans, YHVH rarely accomplishes His providential plans through coercion. YHVH relies on His infinite wisdom to achieve His goals. Nowhere is YHVH's wisdom put more on display than in the manner in which He outsmarted Satan and the powers of evil, using their own evil to bring about their defeat.
Most readers probably know the famous story from ancient Greece about the Trojan Horse. To recap the story, Troy and Greece had been locked in a ten-year-long vicious war when, according to Homer and Virgil, the Greeks came up with a brilliant idea. They built an enormous wooden horse, hid soldiers inside and offered it to the Trojans as a gift, claiming they were conceding defeat and going home. The delighted Trojans accepted the gift and proceeded to celebrate by drinking themselves into a drunken stupor. When night came and the Trojan warriors were too wasted to fight, the Greeks exited the horse, unlocked the city gates to quietly let all their compatriots in, and easily conquered the city, thus winning the war.
Historians debate whether any of this actually happened. But either way, as military strategies go, it’s brilliant.
Now, there are five clues in the New Testament that suggest YHVH was using something like this Trojan Horse strategy against the powers when he sent Jesus into the world:
1) The Bible tells us that YHVH's victory over the powers of darkness was achieved by the employment of YHVH’s wisdom, and was centered on that wisdom having become reality in Jesus Christ (Rom. 16:25, 1 Cor. 2:7, Eph. 3:9-10, Col. 1:26). It also tells us that, for some reason, this Christ-centered wisdom was kept “secret and hidden” throughout the ages. It’s clear from this that YHVH's strategy was to outsmart and surprise the powers by sending Jesus.
2) While humans don’t generally know Jesus’ true identity during his ministry, demons do. They recognize Jesus as the Son of God, the Messiah, but, interestingly enough, they have no idea what he’s doing (Mark 1:24; 3:11; 5:7, Luke 8:21). Again, the wisdom of YHVH in sending Jesus was hidden from them.
3) We’re told that, while humans certainly share in the responsibility for the crucifixion, Satan and the powers were working behind the scenes to bring it about (John 13:27 cf. 1 Cor. 2:6-8). These forces of evil helped orchestrate the crucifixion.
4) We’re taught that if the “princes of this world [age]” had understood the secret wisdom of YHVH, “they would not have crucified the Lord of glory” (1 Cor 2:8 cf. vss 6-7). Apparently, Satan and the powers regretted orchestrating Christ’s crucifixion once they learned of the wisdom of YHVH that was behind it.
5) Finally, we can begin to understand why the powers came to regret crucifying “the Lord of glory” when we read that it was by means of the crucifixion that the “handwriting of ordinances that was against us, which was contrary to us [i.e., the charge of our legal indebtedness]” was “[taken] out of the way [i.e., canceled]” as the powers were disarmed. In this way Christ “triumph[ed] over” the powers by "his cross” and even “made a shew of them openly” (Col. 2:14-15). Through Christ’s death and resurrection YHVH's enemies were vanquished and placed under his Messiah's feet, and ultimately His own in the end (1 Cor. 15:23-28).
Putting these five clues together, we can discern YHVH's Trojan Horse strategy in sending Jesus.
The powers couldn’t discern why Jesus came because YHVH's wisdom was hidden from them. YHVH's wisdom was motivated by unfathomable love, and since Satan and the other powers were evil, they lacked the capacity to understand it. Their evil hearts prevented them from suspecting what YHVH was up to.
What the powers did understand was that Jesus was mortal. This meant he was killable. Lacking the capacity to understand that this was the means by which YHVH would ultimately bring about the defeat of death (and thus, pave the road for the resurrection itself), they never suspected that making Jesus vulnerable to their evil might actually be part of YHVH's infinitely wise plan.
And so they took the bait (or "ransom"; Matt. 20:28, Mark 10:45, 1 Tim. 2:5-6). Utilizing Judas and other willing human agents, the powers played right into YHVH’s secret plan and orchestrated the crucifixion of the Messiah (Acts 2:22-23; 4:28). YHVH thus brilliantly used the self-inflicted incapacity of evil to understand love against itself. And, like light dispelling darkness, the unfathomably beautiful act of YHVH's love in sending the willing Messiah as a "ransom" to these blood-thirsty powers defeated them. The whole creation was in principle freed and reconciled to YHVH, while everything written against us humans was nailed to the cross, thus robbing the powers of the only legal claim they had on us. They were “spoiled [i.e., disempowered]” (Col. 2:14-15).
As happened to the Trojans in accepting the gift from the Greeks, in seizing on Christ’s vulnerability and orchestrating his crucifixion, the powers unwittingly cooperated with YHVH to unleash the one power in the world that dispels all evil and sets captives free. It’s the power of self-sacrificial love.

Why Penal Substitution Is Unbiblical

For the sake of keeping this already lengthy post as short as possible I'm not going to spend too much time on why exactly PSA (Penal Substitutionary Atonement) is inconsistent with Scripture, but I'll go ahead and point out the main reasons why I believe this is so, and let the reader look further into this subject by themselves, being that there are many resources out there which have devoted much more time than I ever could here in supporting this premise.

"Purge out therefore the old leaven, that ye may be a new lump, as ye are unleavened. For even Christ our passover is sacrificed for us:"-1 Corinthians 5:7

The Passover is one of the two most prominent images in the New Testament given as a comparison to Christ's atonement and what it accomplished, (the other most common image being the Day of Atonement sacrifice).
In the Passover, the blood of the lamb on the door posts of the Hebrews in the book of Exodus was meant to mark out those who were YHVH's, not be a symbol of PSA, as the lamb itself was not being punished by God in place of the Hebrews, but rather the kingdom of Egypt (and thus, allegorically speaking, the kingdom of darkness which opposed YHVH) was what was being judged and punished, because those who were not "covered" by the blood of the lamb could be easily identified as not part of God's kingdom/covenant and liberated people.
Looking at the Day of Atonement sacrifice (which, again, Christ's death is repeatedly compared to throughout the New Testament), this ritual required a ram, a bull, and two goats (Lev. 16:3-5). The ram was for a burnt offering intended to please God (Lev. 16:3-4). The bull served as a sin offering for Aaron, the high priest, and his family. In this case, the sin offering restored the priest to ritual purity, allowing him to occupy sacred space and be near YHVH’s presence. Two goats taken from "the congregation” were needed for the single sin offering for the people (Lev. 16:5). So why two goats?
The high priest would cast lots over the two goats, with one chosen as a sacrifice “for the Lord” (Lev. 16:8). The blood of that goat would purify the people. The second goat was not sacrificed or designated “for the Lord.” On the contrary, this goat—the one that symbolically carried the sins away from the camp of Israel into the wilderness—was “for Azazel” (Lev. 16:8-10).
What—or who—is Azazel?
The Hebrew term azazel (עזאזל) occurs four times in Leviticus 16 but nowhere else in most people's canon of the Bible, (and I say "most people's canon," because some people do include 1 Enoch in their canon of Scripture, which of course goes into great detail about this "Azazel" figure). Many translations prefer to translate the term as a phrase, “the goat that goes away,” which is the same idea conveyed in the King James Version’s “scapegoat.” Other translations treat the word as a name: Azazel. The “scapegoat” option is possible, but since the phrase “for Azazel” parallels the phrase “for YHVH” (“for the Lord”), the wording suggests that two divine figures are being contrasted by the two goats.
A strong case can be made for translating the term as the name Azazel. Ancient Jewish texts show that Azazel was understood as a demonic figure associated with the wilderness. The Mishnah (ca. AD 200; Yoma 6:6) records that the goat for Azazel was led to a cliff and pushed over, ensuring it would not return with its death. This association of the wilderness with evil is also evident in the New Testament, as this was where Jesus met the devil (Matt. 4:1). Also, in Leviticus 17:1-7 we learn that some Israelites had been accustomed to sacrificing offerings to "devils" (alternatively translated as “goat demons”). The Day of Atonement replaced this illegitimate practice.
The second goat was not sent into the wilderness as a sacrifice to a foreign god or demon. The act of sending the live goat out into the wilderness, which was unholy ground, was to send the sins of the people where they belonged—to the demonic domain. With one goat sacrificed to bring purification and access to YHVH and one goat sent to carry the people’s sins to the demonic domain, this annual ritual reinforced the identity of the true God and His mercy and holiness.
When Jesus died on the cross for all of humanity’s sins, he was crucified outside the city, paralleling the sins of the people being cast to the wilderness via the goat to Azazel. Jesus died once for all sinners, negating the need for this ritual.
As previously stated, the goat which had all the sin put on it was sent alive off to the wilderness, while the blood of the goat which was blameless was used to purify the temple and the people. Penal substitution would necessitate the killing of the goat which had the sin put on it.
Mind you, this is the only sacrificial ritual of any kind in the Torah in which sins are placed on an animal. The only time it happens is this, and that animal is not sacrificed. Most PSA proponents unwittingly point to this ritual as evidence of their view, despite it actually serving as evidence to the contrary, because most people don't read their Old Testament and don't familiarize themselves with the "boring parts" like Leviticus (when it's actually rather important to do so, since that book explains how exactly animal offerings were to be carried out and why they were done in the first place).
In the New Testament, Christ's blood was not only meant to mark out those who were his, but also expel the presence of sin and ritual uncleanness so as to make the presence of YHVH manifest in the believer's life. Notice how God's wrath isn't poured out on Christ in our stead on this view, but rather His wrath was poured out on those who weren't covered, and the presence of sin and evil were merely removed by that which is pure and blameless (Christ's blood) for the believer.
All this is the difference between expiation and propitiation.

The Content of Paul's Gospel Message

When the New Testament writers talked about “the gospel,” they referred not to the Protestant doctrine of justification sola fide–the proposition that if we will stop trying to win God’s favor and only just believe that God has exchanged our sin for Christ’s perfect righteousness, then in God’s eyes we will have the perfect righteousness required both for salvation and for assuaging our guilty consciences–but rather they referred to the simple but explosive proposition Kyrios Christos, “Christ is Lord.” That is to say, the gospel was, properly speaking, the royal announcement that Jesus of Nazareth was the God of Israel’s promised Messiah, the King of kings and Lord of lords.
The New Testament writers were not writing in a cultural or linguistic vacuum and their language of euangelion (good news) and euangelizomai would have been understood by their audience in fairly specific ways. Namely, in the Greco-Roman world for which the New Testament authors wrote, euangelion/euangelizomai language typically had to do with either A) the announcement of the accession of a ruler, or B) the announcement of a victory in battle, and would probably have been understood along those lines.
Let’s take the announcements of a new ruler first. The classic example of such a language is the Priene Calendar Inscription, dating to circa 9 BC, which celebrates the rule (and birthday) of Caesar Augustus as follows:
"It was seeming to the Greeks in Asia, in the opinion of the high priest Apollonius of Menophilus Azanitus: Since Providence, which has ordered all things of our life and is very much interested in our life, has ordered things in sending Augustus, whom she filled with virtue for the benefit of men, sending him as a savior [soter] both for us and for those after us, him who would end war and order all things, and since Caesar by his appearance [epiphanein] surpassed the hopes of all those who received the good tidings [euangelia], not only those who were benefactors before him, but even the hope among those who will be left afterward, and the birthday of the god [he genethlios tou theou] was for the world the beginning of the good tidings [euangelion] through him; and Asia resolved it in Smyrna."
The association of the term euangelion with the announcement of Augustus’ rule is clear enough and is typical of how this language is used elsewhere. To give another example, Josephus records that at the news of the accession of the new emperor Vespasian (69 AD) “every city kept festival for the good news (euangelia) and offered sacrifices on his behalf.” (The Jewish War, IV.618). Finally, a papyrus dating to ca. 498 AD begins:
"Since I have become aware of the good news (euangeliou) about the proclamation as Caesar (of Gaius Julius Verus Maximus Augustus)…"
This usage occurs also in the Septuagint, the Greek translations of the Jewish Scriptures. For instance LXX Isaiah 52:7 reads, “How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him who brings good news (euangelizomenou), who publishes peace, who brings good news (euangelizomenos) of salvation, who says to Zion, ‘Your God reigns.'" Similarly, LXX Isaiah 40:9-10 reads:

"…Go up on a high mountain, you who bring good tidings (ho euangelizomenos) to Sion; lift up your voice with strength, you who bring good tidings (ho euangelizomenos); lift it up, do not fear; say to the cities of Ioudas, “See your God!” Behold, the Lord comes with strength, and his arm with authority (kyrieias)…."-NETS, Esaias 40:9-10

This consistent close connection between euangelion/euangelizomai language and announcements of rule strongly suggests that many of the initial hearers/readers of the early Christians’ evangelical language would likely have understood that language as the announcement of a new ruler (see, e.g., Acts 17:7), and, unless there is strong NT evidence to the contrary, we should presume that the NT writers probably intended their language to be so understood.
However, the other main way in which euangelion/euangelizomai language was used in the Greco-Roman world was with reference to battle reports, announcements of victory in war. A classic example of this sort of usage can be found in LXX 2 Samuel 18:19ff, where David receives word that his traitorous son, Absalom, has been defeated in battle. Euangelion/euangelizomai is used throughout the passage for the communications from the front.
As already shown throughout this post, the NT speaks of Jesus’s death and resurrection as a great victory over the powers that existed at that time and, most importantly, over death itself. Jesus’ conquest of the principalities and powers was the establishment of his rule and comprehensive authority over heaven and earth, that is, of his Lordship over all things (again, at that time).
This was the content of Paul's gospel message...

Justification, and the "New" Perspective on Paul

The following quotation is from The Gospel Coalition, and I believe it to be a decently accurate summary of the NPP (New Perspective on Paul), despite it being from a source which is in opposition to it:

The New Perspective on Paul, a major scholarly shift that began in the 1980s, argues that the Jewish context of the New Testament has been wrongly understood and that this misunderstand[ing] has led to errors in the traditional-Protestant understanding of justification. According to the New Perspective, the Jewish systems of salvation were not based on works-righteousness but rather on covenantal nomism, the belief that one enters the people of God by grace and stays in through obedience to the covenant. This means that Paul could not have been referring to works-righteousness by his phrase “works of the law”; instead, he was referring to Jewish boundary markers that made clear who was or was not within the people of God. For the New Perspective, this is the issue that Paul opposes in the NT. Thus, justification takes on two aspects for the New Perspective rather than one; initial justification is by faith (grace) and recognizes covenant status (ecclesiology), while final justification is partially by works, albeit works produced by the Spirit.

I believe what's called the "new perspective" is actually rather old, and that the Reformers' view of Paul is what is truly new, being that the Lutheran understanding of Paul is simply not Biblical.
The Reformation perspective understands Paul to be arguing against a legalistic Jewish culture that seeks to earn their salvation through works. However, supporters of the NPP argue that Paul has been misread. We contend he was actually combating Jews who were boasting because they were God's people, the "elect" or the "chosen ones." Their "works," so to speak, were done to show they were God's covenant people and not to earn their salvation.
The key questions involve Paul’s view(s) of the law and the meaning of the controversy in which Paul was engaged. Paul strongly argued that we are “justified by the faith of Christ, and not by the works of the law” (Gal. 2:16b). Since the time of Martin Luther, this has been understood as an indictment of legalistic efforts to merit favor before God. Judaism was cast in the role of the medieval "church," and so Paul’s protests became very Lutheran, with traditional-Protestant theology reinforced in all its particulars (along with its limitations) as a result. In hermeneutical terms, then, the historical context of Paul’s debate will answer the questions we have about what exactly the apostle meant by the phrase "works of the law," along with other phrases often used as support by the Reformers for their doctrine of Sola Fide (justification by faith alone), like when Paul mentions "the righteousness of God."
Obviously an in-depth analysis of the Pauline corpus and its place in the context of first-century Judaism would take us far beyond the scope of this brief post. We can, however, quickly survey the topography of Paul’s thought in context, particularly as it has emerged through the efforts of recent scholarship, and note some salient points which may be used as the basis of a refurbished soteriology.
[Note: The more popular scholars associated with the NPP are E.P. Sanders, James Dunn, and N.T. Wright. Dunn was the first to coin the term "The New Perspective" in a 1983 Manson Memorial Lecture, The New Perspective on Paul and the Law.]
Varying authors since the early 1900's have brought up the charge that Paul was misread by those in the tradition of Martin Luther and other Protestant Reformers. Yet, it wasn't until E.P. Sanders' 1977 book, Paul and Palestinian Judaism, that scholars began to pay much attention to the issue. In his book, Sanders argues that the Judaism of Paul's day has been wrongly criticized as a religion of "works-salvation" by those in the Protestant tradition.
A fundamental premise in the NPP is that Judaism was actually a religion of grace. Sander's puts it clearly:
"On the point at which many have found the decisive contrast between Paul and Judaism - grace and works - Paul is in agreement with Palestinian Judaism... Salvation is by grace but judgment is according to works'...God saves by grace, but... within the framework established by grace he rewards good deeds and punishes transgression." (Paul and Palestinian Judaism, p. 543)
N.T. Wright adds that, "we have misjudged early Judaism, especially Pharisaism, if we have thought of it as an early version of Pelagianism," (Wright, What Saint Paul Really Said, p. 32).
Sanders has coined a now well-known phrase to describe the character of first-century Palestinian Judaism: “covenantal nomism.” The meaning of “covenantal nomism” is that human obedience is not construed as the means of entering into God’s covenant. That cannot be earned; inclusion within the covenant body is by the grace of God. Rather, obedience is the means of maintaining one’s status within the covenant. And with its emphasis on divine grace and forgiveness, Judaism was never a religion of legalism.
If covenantal nomism was operating as the primary category under which Jews understood the Law, then when Jews spoke of obeying commandments, or when they required strict obedience of themselves and fellow Jews, it was because they were "keeping the covenant," rather than out of legalism.
More recently, N.T. Wright has made a significant contribution in his little book, What Saint Paul Really Said. Wright’s focus is the gospel and the doctrine of justification. With incisive clarity he demonstrates that the core of Paul’s gospel was not justification by faith, but the death and resurrection of Christ and his exaltation as Lord. The proclamation of the gospel was the proclamation of Jesus as Lord, the Messiah who fulfilled Israel’s expectations. Romans 1:3-4, not 1:16-17, is the gospel, contrary to traditional thinking. Justification is not the center of Paul’s thought, but an outworking of it:
"[T]he doctrine of justification by faith is not what Paul means by ‘the gospel’. It is implied by the gospel; when the gospel is proclaimed, people come to faith and so are regarded by God as members of his people. But ‘the gospel’ is not an account of how people get saved. It is, as we saw in an earlier chapter, the proclamation of the lordship of Jesus Christ….Let us be quite clear. ‘The gospel’ is the announcement of Jesus’ lordship, which works with power to bring people into the family of Abraham, now redefined around Jesus Christ and characterized solely by faith in him. ‘Justification’ is the doctrine which insists that all those who have this faith belong as full members of this family, on this basis and no other." (pp. 132, 133)
Wright brings us to this point by showing what “justification” would have meant in Paul’s Jewish context, bound up as it was in law-court terminology, eschatology, and God’s faithfulness to God’s covenant.
Specifically, Wright explodes the myth that the pre-Christian Saul was a pious, proto-Pelagian moralist seeking to earn his individual passage into heaven. Wright capitalizes on Paul’s autobiographical confessions to paint rather a picture of a zealous Jewish nationalist whose driving concern was to cleanse Israel of Gentiles as well as Jews who had lax attitudes toward the Torah. Running the risk of anachronism, Wright points to a contemporary version of the pre-Christian Saul: Yigal Amir, the zealous Torah-loyal Jew who assassinated Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin for exchanging Israel’s land for peace. Wright writes:
"Jews like Saul of Tarsus were not interested in an abstract, ahistorical system of salvation... They were interested in the salvation which, they believed, the one true God had promised to his people Israel." (pp. 32, 33)
Wright maintains that as a Christian, Paul continued to challenge paganism by taking the moral high ground of the creational monotheist. The doctrine of justification was not what Paul preached to the Gentiles as the main thrust of his gospel message; it was rather “the thing his converts most needed to know in order to be assured that they really were part of God’s people” after they had responded to the gospel message.
Even while taking the gospel to the Gentiles, however, Paul continued to criticize Judaism “from within” even as he had as a zealous Pharisee. But whereas his mission before was to root out those with lax attitudes toward the Torah, now his mission was to demonstrate that God’s covenant faithfulness (righteousness) has already been revealed in Jesus Christ.
At this point Wright carefully documents Paul’s use of the controversial phrase “God’s righteousness” and draws out the implications of his meaning against the background of a Jewish concept of justification. The righteousness of God and the righteousness of the party who is “justified” cannot be confused because the term bears different connotations for the judge than for the plaintiff or defendant. The judge is “righteous” if his or her judgment is fair and impartial; the plaintiff or defendant is “righteous” if the judge rules in his or her favor. Hence:
"If we use the language of the law court, it makes no sense whatsoever to say that the judge imputes, imparts, bequeaths, conveys or otherwise transfers his righteousness to either the plaintiff or the defendant. Righteousness is not an object, a substance or a gas which can be passed across the courtroom. For the judge to be righteous does not mean that the court has found in his favor. For the plaintiff or defendant to be righteous does not mean that he or she has tried the case properly or impartially. To imagine the defendant somehow receiving the judge’s righteousness is simply a category mistake. That is not how the language works." (p. 98)
However, Wright makes the important observation that even with the forensic metaphor, Paul’s theology is not so much about the courtroom as it is about God’s love.
Righteousness is not an impersonal, abstract standard, a measuring-stick or a balancing scale. That was, and still is, a Greek view. Righteousness, Biblically speaking, grows out of covenant relationship. We forgive because we have been forgiven (Matt. 18:21-35); “we love" because God “first loved us” (1 John 4:19). Love is the fulfillment of the law (Rom. 13:8, 10, Gal 5:14, Jam. 2:8). Paul even looked forward to a day when “we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad” (2 Cor. 5:10), and he acknowledged that his clear conscience did not necessarily ensure this verdict (1 Cor. 4:4), but he was confident nevertheless. Paul did in fact testify of his clear conscience: “For our rejoicing is this, the testimony of our conscience, that in simplicity and godly sincerity, not with fleshly wisdom, but by the grace of God, we have had our conversation [i.e., behavior] in the world, and more abundantly to you-ward” (2 Cor. 1:12). He was aware that he had not yet “attained” (Phil. 3:12-14), that he still struggled with the flesh, yet he was confident of the value of his performance (1 Cor. 9:27). These are hardly the convictions of someone who intends to rest entirely on the merits of an alien righteousness imputed to his or her account.
Wright went on to flesh out the doctrine of justification in Galatians, Philippians, and Romans. The “works of the law” are not proto-Pelagian efforts to earn salvation, but rather “sabbath [keeping], food-laws, circumcision” (p. 132). Considering the controversy in Galatia, Wright writes:
"Despite a long tradition to the contrary, the problem Paul addresses in Galatians is not the question of how precisely someone becomes a Christian, or attains to a relationship with God….The problem he addresses is: should his ex-pagan converts be circumcised or not? Now this question is by no means obviously to do with the questions faced by Augustine and Pelagius, or by Luther and Erasmus. On anyone’s reading, but especially within its first-century context, it has to do quite obviously with the question of how you define the people of God: are they to be defined by the badges of Jewish race, or in some other way? Circumcision is not a ‘moral’ issue; it does not have to do with moral effort, or earning salvation by good deeds. Nor can we simply treat it as a religious ritual, then designate all religious ritual as crypto-Pelagian good works, and so smuggle Pelagius into Galatia as the arch-opponent after all. First-century thought, both Jewish and Christian, simply doesn’t work like that…. [T]he polemic against the Torah in Galatians simply will not work if we ‘translate’ it into polemic either against straightforward self-help moralism or against the more subtle snare of ‘legalism’, as some have suggested. The passages about the law only work — and by ‘work’ I mean they will only make full sense in their contexts, which is what counts in the last analysis — when we take them as references to the Jewish law, the Torah, seen as the national charter of the Jewish race." (pp. 120-122)
The debate about justification, then, “wasn’t so much about soteriology as about ecclesiology; not so much about salvation as about the church.” (p. 119)
To summarize the theology of Paul in his epistles, the apostle mainly spent time arguing to those whom he were sending letters that salvation in Christ was available to all men without distinction. Jews and Gentiles alike may accept the free gift; it was not limited to any one group. Paul was vehement about this, especially in his letter to the Romans. As such, I will finish this post off by summarizing the letter itself, so as to provide Biblical support for the premises of the NPP and for what the scholars I referenced have thus far argued.
After his introduction in the epistle to an already believing and mostly Gentile audience (who would've already been familiar with the gospel proclaimed in verses 3-4), Paul makes a thematic statement in 1:16: “For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth; to the Jew first, and also to the Greek.” This statement is just one of many key statements littered throughout the book of Romans that give us proper understanding of the point Paul wished to make to the interlocutors of his day, namely, salvation is available to all, whether Jew or Gentile.
In 1:16 Paul sets out a basic theme of his message in the letter to the Romans. All who believed, whether they be Jew or Gentile, were saved by the power of the gospel. The universal nature of salvation was explicitly stated. The gospel saved all without distinction, whether Jew or Greek; salvation was through the gospel of Jesus Christ. Immediately after this thematic declaration, Paul undertakes to show the universal nature of sin and guilt. In 1:18-32 Paul shows how the Gentile is guilty before God. Despite evidence of God and his attributes, which is readily available to all, they have failed to honor YHVH as God and have exchanged His glory for idolatrous worship and self-promotion. As a consequence, God handed them over in judgment (1:18-32). Paul moves to denunciation of those who would judge others while themselves being guilty of the very same offenses (2:1-5) and argues that all will be judged according to their deeds (2:6). This judgment applies to all, namely, Jew and Greek (2:9-10). This section serves as somewhat of a transition in Paul’s argument. He has highlighted the guilt of the Gentiles (1:18ff) and will shortly outline the guilt of the Jew (2:17-24). The universal statement of 2:1-11 sets the stage for Paul’s rebuke of Jewish presumption. It was not possession of the Law which delivered; it was faithful obedience. It is better to have no Law and yet to obey the essence of the Law (2:12-16) than to have the Law and not obey (2:17-3:4). Paul then defends the justice of God’s judgment (3:5-8), which leads to the conclusion that all (Jew and Gentile) are guilty before God (3:9).
Paul argues that it was a mistaken notion to think that salvation was the prerogative of the Jew only. This presumption is wrong for two reasons. First, it leads to the mistaken assumption that only Jews were eligible for this vindication (Paul deals with this misunderstanding in chapter 4 where he demonstrates that Abraham was justified by faith independently of the Law and is therefore the father of all who believe, Jew and Gentile alike). Second, it leads to the equally mistaken conclusion that all who were Jews are guaranteed of vindication. Paul demonstrates how this perspective, which would call God’s integrity into question since Paul was assuming many Jews would not experience this vindication, was misguided. He did this by demonstrating that it was never the case that all physical descendants of Israel (Jacob) were likewise recipients of the promise. In the past (9:6-33) as in the present (at that time; 11:1-10), only a remnant was preserved and only a remnant would experience vindication. Paul also argued that the unbelief of national Israel (the non-remnant) had the purpose of extending the compass of salvation. The unbelief of one group made the universal scope of the gospel possible. This universalism was itself intended to bring about the vindication of the unbelieving group (11:11-16). As a result of faith, all (Jew and Gentile) could be branches of the olive tree (11:17-24). Since faith in Christ was necessary to remain grafted into the tree, no one could boast of his position. All, Jew and Gentile alike, were dependent upon the mercy and grace of God. As a result of God’s mysterious plan, He would bring about the vindication of His people (11:25-27). [Note: It is this author's belief that this vindication occurred around 66-70 AD, with the Parousia of Christ's Church; this author is Full-Preterist in their Eschatology.]

I woke up to seagulls this morning, I really like the sound of them. I mean they don’t make pretty sounds, nor is it relaxing, but it feels like a comforting noise I guess? I think because I like being by the sea. I’m not sure. It was nice though. I love living by the sea, like I hear ship horns and seagulls and all of that. It makes me forever paranoid of tsunamis though. I think I’d like to live in a little seaside town with my honey, but I also don’t because then I couldn’t have the garden of my dreams nor would I have the countryside lifestyle I want. I don’t really know what I want. I don’t think I have enough money to be all that picky anyway.
I kind of woke up with that pit in my stomach feeling today. I don’t like how our calls were last night, either one of them. The first I felt like he didn’t want to talk to me and the second it was me being like that to him. I didn’t mean to make it come across that way, but I think he just caught me out when I was mid-deep sleep? I couldn’t wake up or focus and idk. Normally I’m fine to wake up though? And I love his night time calls, to know he’s thinking about me makes me feel so warm inside. It feels weird to think I ever cross his mind when we aren’t in an active conversation, I guess that comes back to the self esteem thing and feeling unworthy of being a thought in his mind, not feeling important enough, or something. But in that second call, I guess I didn’t like that he got me off the phone earlier because he was so sleepy, but then it turned out he was still up and about two hours later? It made me feel like he lied about being tired to get rid of me. I don’t think that was the case, but it’s how it made me feel in the moment. Anyway I woke up feeling uneasy, I felt okay but a little uneasy so I made sure to apologise. I think as well because I fell asleep feeling a little uneasy, it felt like he rushed me off the phone or like I was boring him to death or something. But it made me think about how it’s only 9pm where he is, and that he could quite easily have someone come over around that time. I don’t believe he would do that, but it scares me all the same. The way in which he could crush me into nothing is a little frightening sometimes, it really feels like I’ve just laid out my sad little heart out there for him to stomp all over if he so wishes to do so. I know if he did end things I would be okay, I think, but I can’t say I don’t worry about how it would affect my mental health and “recovery” - how far would it set me back? But also that’s not on him at all, and I’m never ever going to imply as such to him. He ought to make decisions based on what he wants and is best for him. Anyway it’s fine and we talked this morning and nothing has changed for him either, we both still want each other and this so it doesn’t even matter. I still feel bad about how I made him feel. I’m really glad, even though I made him feel bad which I wish I hadn’t, but sometimes it really helps to have him say he still wants this. I know his actions speak louder than words, but sometimes I need the words too. And so him saying “I’m still the same” was really reassuring and made me feel so lovey.
I’ve made a hair appointment, for end of June. I kind of wanted it early June as my hair is annoying the f out of me now, but her first available slot is end of June sooo I guess it still works out well. It gives me five weeks to continue growing out my layers so that we can start afresh. I’m going to get my face framies cut shorter this time as they grow out so quickly. I think otherwise I’ll get very subtle layering, enough to add some movement and help it air dry nicely, but I want the ends as thick as possible too. I’ll get a general root touch up to darken them up a little, and then a tonegloss for the lengths to cool down the warmth a little and darken it up ever so slightly. And then I’ve booked in for a full on olaplex treatment, so that will be nice. I am all about my hair health this year. I always have been but now even more so.
It’s so autumnal today. I really want to watch my favourite cosy romcoms, their autumn scenes are always my most absolute favourite. And winter I suppose. Basically Meg Ryan in autumn is my favourite thing and comforts me to no end.
I think I assume that if I know something then everyone else must know it too, so when they don’t I find it baffling that they don’t know. I guess because I consider myself thicker than a brick and everyone else smarter than I am, so I’d say in the team quiz no one knows the answer I start thinking how do you not know this, but that’s unfair of me and I’m making an assumption based on my low self esteem. But also I am as dumb as a rock so I mean there’s low self esteem and then there’s self awareness. But I just assume that if I know something, then it therefore must be as widely known as 2+2=4.
I’m wearing my Mon Guerlain perfume today, I quite like it, I guess I liked it a fair but considering I seem to have both a bottle of the edp and edt? I think this was during lockdown. Anyway I never wear it but I am today as it’s quite a warm scent, it’s like a warm vanilla but with a touch of lavender? Barely any lavender though, just a teeny tiny little bit. I just googled and that’s exactly what it is so yay me! Except it’s blatantly obvious so perhaps I’ll calm down on the self celebrations. Anyway it’s not one I’d replace but I do like it I suppose. It feels a little mature, not in an older woman way but in a mid-40s way. I read a comment and it said that it gives wife-and-adoring-mother with a wealthy husband, who’s just kissed her children goodnight before sweeping off in her furs to dinner and the opera. It’s classy and elegant, but with something warm and motherly to it and I get that too. Like the mama in Peter Pan! Anyway I’m a little ways off that stage of my life. But it’s a nice wfh scent I suppose. Most of my perfumes are just wfh/chill at home ones now. I wear perfume everyday, I’d say that’s silly but a) Andy tends to too and anything he does that I do makes me feel more assured it’s okay, b) I have a lottttt to get through and c) even if I didn’t have a lottttt to get through I still would because I just like to feel pretty. I may be as ugly as a troll but I will still be presentable enough. Not nicely, but perfume, groomed brows, glowy skin/skincare, my cutie lil diamond studs, brushed hair etc. Except I like a lived in look, I don’t like to look super prim and proper I prefer more bedheady hair and to look like I don’t care an awful lot, but in a nonchalant Kate Moss way not a get wrecked Adam Sandler way. Except I think Adam Sandler is the better of the two - I read he still has a regular-ish house? Then again it was the internet and I’m as gullible as… idk something gullible. That’s what I adore about Andy, he will do his own research and not believe anything outright, he’ll question it and all of that. Whereas I can just be like woowwwww crazy and then move on. There are many ways I’d like to be more like him, I don’t want to be like him but I just want to be better and he’s better so idk. He seems a little paranoid I’ll be like his ex who basically tried to become the tweedle dum to his tweedle dee, but I mean that’s never going to happen? I like to try things he likes, for example snacks and drinks and things. And if he says he enjoys using something and recommends it, ie his mouse, then I take his recommendations seriously. But I’m never going to dress or act like him, I mean I adore him but I don’t want to be a man…? I like being girly and different from him! But I just mean I like how he approaches things, I like how he handles disagreements or thinks about new information - they’re things I want to kind of learn from him. Not in a way where I’d ask because that makes it weirder. Idk. This whole thing is weird. I just admire him. Now I sound like some kinda single white female… which I am… oh god.
Todays been fine overall. I did something new workwise, getting into LOEs for H&S speeding stuff, I had a call with a manager about one of his direct reports this morning and he was like I mean is it that bad and I had to tell a 40 something grown man that it is indeed bad to speed 28km over the speed limit. For any reason. And in a branded vehicle at that. Anyway so then I had to do the letter which was fine but it’s such a confusing template so I suggested some alterations to the Head of and she said they were excellent and she would change the template letter to include my suggestions, so that made me feel good. I enjoy that part of my work, I think I like processes and policies and all of that stuff. Idk why someone with social anxiety thought it would be smart to get into PEOPLE advisory. But like I said, as thick as a brick.
I had such a fun chat with him this evening, he makes me all giggly and silly and I hate myself for saying that. The word giggle is so bleh. I mean it’s a cute word but it feels wrong to say for whatever reason. It’s like when people say “hehe” in texts or whatever, it makes me feel gross even though I don’t even mind it. I think in the right context from the right person it’s fine, but I’ve never experienced that so idk. Now I’m thinking of… something. Something we watched. And the subtitles had it as “heh heh” and I’m thinking sopranos. Anyway newsflash to no one: I love him a hellllllll of a lot.
I wish I didn’t have to go to the office tomorrow. It’s so annoying. I know it’s good for me and also my manager has outright asked me to, so I kind of have to regardless, but also I’ll just focus on the fact it’s good for me to be properly out of the house and stuff. And it has perks I guess, I can have sushi for lunch, peruse the bookshop nearby and I also don’t snack when I’m at the office, I take nuts with me but I don’t eat them because I get all anxy about if people can hear me chewing or if they think I’m some kind of insatiable ogre who can’t wait til lunch or dinner. But so I just have a few bits of sushi for lunch. Although I really want to try this Vietnamese place, they have a salad that looks so bloody good, but I’ve never been and it looks like the kind you line up for like subway and that sends a barrage of anxiety through me so maybe sometime in the future. But I also tend to get more done and idk. It’s good for me. I’ll just keep telling myself that while I hate life two days a week for the foreseeable. It’s not even that bad, it is bad anxiety wise - like yesterday I didn’t go to the bathroom for over an hour from when I needed to pee because of my anxiety, I also didn’t fill up my drink bottle or get another coffee at all for the whole day. So my anxiety is bad, but maybe over time it’ll get better, I’m sure it will, I just have to suck it up in the interim.
I think I’ll stop now because I have 10 mins exactly til 8 and I need to get entirely ready for bed and post this. I needed to blowdry my hair but I spent too long in the shower and now I don’t have time so oh well. Tbh I look like utter shite anyway lately so what’s a bad hair day to go with it? I’ll just put it up. I feel disgustingly ugly lately, I always do but especially lately. Okay now I have 8 minutes night night

This fic flows out of me way too easily, so I'm riding the waves while I can. Glad to see people enjoying it too! We continue where we left off, trying to figure out where to go, both with universe at large and with poor, lost child...
As usual, thanks to SpacePaladin15 for his own great work and letting fanfiction flow, and everyone who supported and enjoyed the fic thus far. So, let's see where this goes from now.
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Memory Transcription Subject: Dr. Erin Kuemper, SETI Researcher
Date [standardized human time]: July 15, 2136
Before entering the conference room, I adjusted my dress suit. Even for official meetings, I usually just prefer simpler official outfits, but this time is different. Being invited to observe the first official diplomatic meeting between humanity and aliens, I wanted to be perfect for it, even if it was meeting the baby-eating monster aliens over a video call.
Stepping inside, I see the other people that would be present for it. Normally, as a SETI researcher, I would object to the presence of any military heads at such a meeting, on purely conceptual level, much less two. But with what we have learned I can’t help but almost feel like even entire room filled with generals wouldn’t be enough for this.
“Ah, Dr. Kuemper. Come in, take a seat. We plan to start hailing them in ten minutes.” Secretary-General motions towards one of free seats, so I take the one that’s further away from both generals. As I do though, General Jones starts talking to me.
“So, Dr. Kuemper, how’s our rescue doing? Were there any further incidents?”, she asked.
“No, not yet. She still hasn’t woken up since that last sedation. While we don’t understand nearly enough about her biology yet, drawing some parallels with biology of Earth life we can infer that while her life is no longer threatened, she will likely take a while to fully recover from blood loss and malnutrition. Much bigger problem will be communicating our intentions to her, as well as regaining her trust after... everything.”
“Is it really smart to assign Noah Williams as one of her main caretakers then?” She asked, raising her eyebrow.
“From analyzing the footage of the incident, she reacted the same way to all the humans in the room. I doubt it was Williams’ specific appearance that was the source of such intense fright. And that assignment is not just for the sake of the alien, but Williams himself. Him and Rosario are both, frankly, on suicide watch right now. They need a chance to try and do something to relieve their guilt.”
To that General Jones just hummed, before turning to the screen. I could also hear General Zhao, the Chinese general, snorting in amusement. I am not sure what he found funny about this, but I’d rather not know at all.
It wasn’t a rational call, I knew it, but if there’s anyone who can project most empathy possible towards our alien rescue, it’d be Noah. I have asked Sara if she wished to participate as well, but she struggles to even look at the child without throwing up, so for her, distancing might be for the best.
“We’re beginning to hail the Arxur Dominion now.” Secretary-General announced, standing in front of the screen, facing it. “Not sure how long it will take.”
“I bet time zones get a ton more complicated on interstellar level...” General Zhao grumbled.
Afterwards, there were long twenty minutes of silence, interrupted by an occasional cough or shuffle before finally screen shifted, and displayed the aliens. It appears they also were in a private conference room, like us. In the middle, standing tallest and looking at us was none other than Chief Hunter Isif from photos the Odyssey crew took. Behind him were two more arxur. One was similar to Isif in build and stature, though not quite as tall, and the other was notably shorter and scrawnier, with lighter scale coloration. Part of me almost assumed that was a female, before I remembered that in the data dump there were no signs of easily notable sexual dimorphism among the arxur. An adolescent then, perhaps?
“Humans. I am glad you responded to our invitation. I believe an introduction is in order. I am Chief Hunter Isif of Arxur Dominion.” The alien spoke, translators working already, translating the noises unlike anything human makes into discernable speech.
“Greetings, Chief Hunter Isif. I am Secretary-General Elias Meier. I represent the United Nations, or UN for short, a governing body meant to represent combined interests of all individual nations of Earth. Before we proceed, I need to ask. Will I not be speaking to your leader, Prophet-Descendant, today?”
That was on the agenda for the meeting, if I remembered correctly. Trying to interact with arxur other than Isif. To gauge just how far this goes. Though it doesn’t seem like it’s happening, considering Isif is the one who picked up and how now he was emitting a low hiss that almost felt like it was carrying amusement.
“No. No offense meant to you, humans, but we Chief Hunters are expected to conduct all business in our sectors on our own. You technically fall within my territory. Plus, why would I give up an advantage I have over other Chief Hunters so easily? We may not ever have war against one another, but the competition is fierce, and you might just be the edge I need to curry more favor.”
I noticed General Zhao scoffing at shameless honesty in arxur’s intentions for this ‘alliance’ they proposed in the databanks. Yeah, just use us to gain more advantage over his rivals. I can’t believe Secretary-General elected to deal with them after all.
“I see. I expected that. Still, even if we were granted an audience, our answer would have remained unchanged. Sorry to disappoint, Chief Hunter, but humanity simply cannot afford a full alliance with the Dominion.” Secretary-General spoke in neutral tone, but I could sense the strain in his voice.
The arxur on the screen had his facial features harden.
“I see. You’re still unconvinced of the prey’s threat to your unprepared world. You believe you may parlay with them.”
“Quite the contrary, we’re more than convinced and have no reason to believe you’re lying. However, while an alliance with you would grant us protection... It would also drag us into the war we wish no part of. We’re... grateful to you for showing hospitality to the crew of Odyssey, and for warning us of the threat, but we will not be diving into war we have no interest fighting.”
“You will not be able to hide forever.” Isif kept insisting, seemingly almost growing agitated. “We knew of you because they did, long before us. They may believe you dead, but all it’d take is one stray vessel for you to be doomed.”
Part of me wanted to be relieved that, despite the tense tone, the negotiations so far were going exactly as planned. Another part of me wept that we were intentionally alienating and putting distance between ourselves and the aliens. And a third part of me was disgusted at the fact that we were talking to them at all.
“Trust us, Chief Hunter, we do not plan to merely sit and wait to be discovered and exterminated. We will be preparing. We simply don’t wish to enter the fight without a good reason.” Elias continued, pushing on to the next topic. “That said, just because we don’t wish for alliance, doesn’t mean we can’t mutually benefit from one another still.”
I could see that the shorter arxur behind Isif was about to speak up, but flinched when the larger one glared at them. Isif himself narrowed his eyes at Elias.
“And what benefit do you see that isn’t us joining hands in battle for survival, Elias Meier?”
I couldn’t see his face, but I could feel Secretary-General smiling at Chief Hunter.
“Trade. Your people are, by your own admission, starving. We could provide a solution. What we lack, however, is information. In this universe, we’re blind, and just sending out probes risks discovery. If you’d be willing to supply us with intel on Federation, we’d be more than glad to relieve your hunger. Maybe not the whole Dominion... But definitely all of your sector’s arxur.”
Arxur behind Isif both slightly opened their mouths, eyes widening in almost human-like expression. Even Isif seemed to be taken slightly aback, though he composed himself much quicker, glaring at his subordinates to make them collect themselves. On our end, I could see General Zhao smirking, and General Jones tapping at her chin in contemplation, while I twiddled my thumbs nervously, waiting for rug to be pulled from under us.
“You promise a lot. Producing food in such quantities with just one planet, even if it were filled with cattle, is impossible. Simply unsustainable.” Isif replied.
“We have our ways, Isif. We solved hunger once, we can do so again. Not immediately, it will take time to ramp up production, of course... But once that happens, all you need to do is name your price in how much meat you need and we will provide. And all we want in return is information to better defend ourselves.”
There was a long pause of contemplation. When looking closely, I could see something that was either agitation... or excitement among Isif’s posse, but Chief Hunter himself remained unimpressed. Eventually he did speak up.
“Don’t think I will fall for such a trick, Elias Meier. You humans are still young, still naive to the cruelty of the universe. We were once like you, and were nearly wiped out for it. I will not have it happen to the only other True Sapient in the galaxy. I will trade information. But I can already sense what the first request will be, and you will not be getting translations for Federation languages.”
That made every human in the room except Elias tense up. I almost flinched at the accusation, Jones hid her mouth behind her hand and Zhao’s smirk turned into a frown. Only Secretary-General remained unshaken. Isif, in meantime, continued speaking.
“If you prove yourself capable of helping us, and manage to provide as much sustenance as you claim you can... I will consider it. But until then, I will not be accelerating your desire to commit extinction by Federation’s hands.”
“Then, if you need to benefit from us first before putting us at risk, we can only thank you again for your concern, Chief Hunter.” Secretary-General replied. I was surprised at how collected he remained despite the arxur completely seeing through our intentions with this ‘trade deal’. “Trust us, we have no interest in getting annihilated in antimatter fire, but we are willing to work to earn your trust. We will be sending lists of information we desire. I hope that partnership can strengthen the bonds between us further.”
“Indeed. We will review and return to you the amounts of food we will require for it. Show us what you are capable of, humans. Now let’s get this over with. Conversing like that is... tiring.”
Right. Arxur are naturally solitary, according to the databank they gave us. A species of biologically predisposed introverts...
“Farewell, Chief Hunter Isif.” Meier replied curtly, before the screen dimmed and camera light disappeared. Contact was over.
I let out a deep sigh of relief, realizing I’ve been holding it in for a while now. There... was a lot to consider about what just happened. I was told footage would be saved, so we can better analyze the arxur nonverbal cues later.
Elias turned to us and put his hands on the table.
“So, that didn’t go as bad as it could have. Any thoughts?”
General Zhao was first to speak up.
“We’ll need information on Federation tactics and weaponry. We’ll have to prepare a strong l space military regardless of whether they can be talked down, but it’s much easier to convince someone not to kill you when doing so risks their own life.”
“I’m more interested in whether there is any technology that could allow us to send spy drones into Federation space without leaving obvious trail back to us.” General Jones countered. “We might not even need arxur translators if we can decode the language via our own surveillance.”
Elias turned his eyes on me expectantly. I considered everything that happened, things Isif said and ways his presumably-lieutenants reacted to conversation, things we learned from their data bank... And it dawned on me.
“They... see us the same way we have seen them before learning of their horrid acts. First contact with someone who treats you like a person, and first people in the galaxy whom you can see as friends. We sought the stars seeking to not be alone in the universe, and while their ways are repulsive to us... It’s not true the other way. This cooperation to them is much more sentimental than it is to us. They want to be able to trust us and rely on us.”
Elias smiled and nodded at my assessment.
“Thank you for your input, everyone. We have a lot of work ahead of us. Dr. Kuemper, I hope you’re ready for tomorrow’s announcement and your promotion?”
Right. Tomorrow we’re revealing that First Contact has occurred to the public. It took a lot of effort to make it presentable without triggering mass panic, and some details will be omitted. That and I’m receiving a new position in the UN related to handling alien affairs. What a joy...
“As ready as I can be.”
“Then let’s get to it. It won’t be easy, people, but our entire civilization is at stake. We need to get this right, and in a way that won’t have our descendants condemning us.”
Right. Cooperation with arxur, this trade... I didn’t like the idea of it, but I understood. We needed their help. Perhaps through this cooperation, rather than them influencing us, reverse can be made true, unlikely as it may seem. Worst part was failing to secure any translators at all. While I’m sure generals are salivating at idea of cyber-espionage against the Federation, I just wanted to be able to communicate with the rescued child, and make sure we could properly help her recover. Still... We will do our best, even without them.
Memory Transcription Subject: Stynek, Venlil Test Subject
Date [standardized human time]: July 15, 2136
Second time I woke up; the memories came to me much faster. How I was captured during the raid. How I spent months in cattle pens. How I was used as a meal for mystery predators. How they took me with them. And how I was now in their laboratory, or whatever closest thing predators have in their feral science.
Of course, my first instinct was to try and escape, but I couldn’t. I found myself actively strapped to the bed. I was panicked at first, trying to break through the restraints, but to no effect. So I let my head fall back onto surprisingly soft pillow and lay there... Awaiting my fate. But fate wasn’t coming, and I found myself getting a bit bored. So I raised my head and examined the room.
It seemed different from the room I was in before. Most of the machinery was gone, and the only big machine beside my bed wasn’t actually hooked up to me anymore. There was a large, predator-sized closet in the corner, and two big tables with seats. Of course, there was also bed itself. If not for the fact that I was slated to be butchered on this bed soon, it’d be the most comfortable place I got to lay down on since my capture. As is... It felt like cruel irony. I felt my eyes watering again. Did predators want to taunt me? Give me this sense of near-comfort as one last cruelty?
Subconsciously I tried calling out for mom, but felt my throat burn and ended up coughing instead. I think all the screaming recently wasn’t good for it, and with how dry my mouth was it didn’t help. Looking around I spotted it. A glass of water on a small stand beside the bed! Except it was completely out of reach. I tried shifting my tail under me, to try and extend towards it, but I’d need to have the bed flipped to have the chance at reaching. They probably left it like that intentionally... Letting me feel thirst, see the answer, but not be allowed to take it, all to make me suffer more.
I attempted to shift and wiggle against the restraints some more, when it hit me. It finally hit me that my leg was gone, gone for good. Even if I could somehow miraculously break those restraints... And get out of predator captivity... And make it back home to Venlil Prime... It wouldn’t be the same. I’d never live a normal life. My vision blurred with tears again. Why couldn’t they just end it... Why did... they have to make me suffer more.
Then the door opened and my heartbeat quickened. I realized just what I asked for, and looks like the universe itself wanted to give me that. Through the door stepped a figure... No longer clad in big rubbery suit. They probably realized such deception won’t work on me. But which of predators it was made my blood freeze.
It was the same one again... The dark-colored one that was there in meeting with arxur, and when I first woke up... Why was it always this one showing up over and over? Did all those predators look like that? He was wearing different outfit, maybe it was a different predator? No, it’s too similar, it must just be... assigned to me. My personal warden. Just like the pens had specific wardens assigned to them that were in charge of picking out meals.
This is it then. They must have done everything they wanted to do with me while I was unconscious and now that I was awake to feel it, were ready to finish me off. I closed my eyes, squeezing them tightly shut as the predator approached. I lost count of how many times I was anticipating death recently, but this was it... This must be it, finally, right? Universe can’t be cruel enough to do more to me, can it?
And as I waited for my demise, with held breath I lay. And lay. And waited. Until I realized that by now predator would long be within reach of my throat. I slowly opened my eyes, and blinked a few times to get the tears out. Sight of predator right beside me made me flinch, as it sat down by the bed, looking over me with its hungry, binocular eyes. I could see its mouth, lips quivering in hunger. And yet it did not lunge... Why?! Why can’t they just finish me off already? I felt so exhausted and fatigued by it all...
Predator seemed to lock its horrid eyes with my own eye. The gaze was intense, and I felt frozen. I couldn’t move, not even a muscle, as it just stared at me and I stared back. I felt a tear roll down my face, contributing more to the clump of matted fur, grown stained with so many tears. And that’s when the predator reached its hand for my head. I closed my eyes, recoiling away to the best of my ability. I... I didn’t want it... Please... Why can’t I just wake up back home, why can’t it all just be a nightmare...
I was prepared for its claw to grasp my face, to twist my neck, to scratch at me... But the only thing I felt was a small caress right under my eye, where the tear ran, wiping it off and rubbing at clumped fur, getting bits of dirt out in process. And then it was over. There was no attack. It was just more prolonging of the inevitable. It was so... tiring. I opened my eyes again, to look back at the predator. Really look back in those cruel eyes, to try and understand why the universe would have such evilness exist at all. The binocular gaze was horrible, but no amount of my instinct telling me to flee could help when I had neither the limbs nor freedom to move. So I just looked back. Into those small eyes when they suddenly blinked. And what could only be a tear rolled down the predator’s face. This made me mentally recoil.
How? Did a predator just shed a tear? But that’s... impossible. Only creatures with empathy can cry. That’s the textbook prerequisite for crying! You need to feel things to cry! Predators don’t have that! Arxur don’t have that. We learn that since before school. One of first things parents teach their kids is always the dangers of predators. But this is... Maybe it’s something in the room? Some noxious agent irritating its eyes? Then why can’t I feel it? Is it simply copying me? But why would it do that? Can you even copy something you can’t understand, like feelings? I didn’t understand. Maybe their biology was way more alien? Their skin was naked and had no fur or scales or feathers, maybe their tears are different too? I tried to find any explanation at all, any possible answer to questions swirling in my mind, but nothing made sense. It’s like this one little tear shattered everything I knew about predators. Maybe... They were different somehow? No! That can’t be it. If they were, they wouldn’t... They wouldn’t have been ones to take part in eating me! They wouldn’t deal with arxur! It’s a trick... it must be... But tears are a sign of empathy...
“W-Why...”, I asked in my confusion. My voice came out as ragged and hoarse and I was reminded of how dry my insides felt. I glanced over to the glass at the bedside, still out of reach and now with a predator near it... I stood no chance at reaching it.
Then suddenly, the predator looked over at it as well, and picked it up. I was almost about to cry at the idea that it would drink it in front of me, taunting my thirst further. But it didn’t even bring the glass close to its horrid mouth, instead moving it towards my face. Naturally, I tried pulling back from predator reach, but still restrained, I couldn’t move much. And once the glass was in front of me, predator just tilted it and... left it hovering there.
Was it... offering me a drink? Does that mean the water is poisoned? Why else would it give me some? I didn’t open my mouth, but the predator kept hovering the glass in front of me... Clear liquid inside swishing a bit with unevenness of the movements. Tantalizing... My throat felt drier just looking at it. In the end, base instinct prevailed over reason-based self-preservation. Even if it is poisoned... I was as good as dead in this den of predators, this won’t matter, and at least I’ll die not feeling as dry as a piece of old tree bark. So I let my mouth open and I raised my head as much as I could within the restraints, putting the glass’s rim into my mouth.
That first sip was probably the most heavenly water I’ve ever tasted. It was just normal water, of course, but with how dry I felt, I couldn’t get enough as I started quickly gulping it down. The predator actually helped, tilting the glass, keeping up with how quickly I emptied it. Every gulp was a relief... It was no stale water of arxur pens. It was actually fresh water! But as quickly as it started, the happiness ended, glass fully tilted and empty. I smack my mouth, gathering little bits of moisture gathered on it with my tongue, while the predator moves the glass back onto the counter.
Well, if that had poison in it, I didn’t taste any. And if it was somehow tasteless... It was worth it. I still couldn’t wrap my mind around the predator and its actions, so instead I did my best to just ignore it as I savored the feeling of hydration. If I somehow live through this, unlikely though it may be, I will never scorn water again. Though I will probably still prefer some good juice over it...
The predator started moving again, removing the blanket-like sheet that was covering most of my body and reaching to where my restraints connected to the bed itself. It locked its eyes with me again, and this time it at least didn’t cry, but it did start to growl something. It was quiet and subdued, and of course I couldn’t understand any of it, but it didn’t lunge or reach for me directly and didn’t seem any different from earlier. Was it trying to say something?
Then I heard a small click. The light pressure I felt on my arms and chest from the restraints relaxed. Then the predator just tossed the restraint over me, revealing that they released me. I tested it by raising my arms slightly. Why...? Did they plan on taking me somewhere? I could try running but the feeling of lightness, of hollow emptiness where my leg used to be reminded me of how fruitless the endeavor would be, so I just kept laying in bed. The predator’s mouth curved in some wicked expression before they growled out some more of their crude words and got up.
They moved towards the exit, turning around to give me one last creepy staredown before stepping out of the room. And, unsurprisingly, I heard a soft click from the door itself. Right. I was just free to explore my new pen. But even with the freedom granted, I couldn’t bring myself to get out of bed. The shock of learning that a predator just shed a tear and fed me water was still too much. What is even happening?
It’s all so confusing. I grabbed the blanket and pulled it over my head, hiding in the dark. I tried to desperately convince myself to not get my hopes up, to remember what those predators did to me... But somewhere I felt like maybe things here will at least be better than they were in arxur pens. At least there’s that to comfort me. That’s right, they probably just... don’t want me to die yet because they haven’t finished experimenting on me... And the tears were just... I don’t know. It makes no sense! It’s stupid!
I let out a breath and snuggled tighter into the blanket. As long as it was dark and quiet like this, I could at least pretend that I was back home... That everything makes sense... That I am just fine... That I'll be okay...
First - Prev - [Next]

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/ThrowRAtricionera posting in TrueOffMyChest
Concluded as per OOP
2 updates - Long
Original - 2nd February 2024
Update1 - 2nd February 2024
Update2 - 17th May 2024
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My sister slept with my boyfriend and I sent her a really cruel message that I don't regret at all
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My sister slept with my boyfriend and I sent her a really cruel message that I don't regret at all Sorry but this post will have A LOT of bad energy and I'm terrible at writing in English so If anyone is going to read the post, I'm sorry for all the grammatical errors that are likely to be in the post. :P
So a few days ago I (F25) found out that my sister (24f) has been sleeping with my boyfriend (now ex, 25m. We dated for three years) for one year or probably more.
They always had a close relationship but I obviously took it as something innocent, I don't like video games but my sister does so they talked a lot by text and I thought it was about games they like until I found out that no, they talked a lot about their secret dates while I was working and in college, I found pictures, videos and a lot of other disgusting things in the chats between my ex and my sister.
My pathetic sister found pleasure in asking my pathetic ex all the time if she's smarter or prettier than me, she even compared our private parts, wth (We're both pretty, she's actually thinner and prettier than me and even if she's an introvert she has her group of friends so I really don't understand where she got so much venom towards me, our parents never compared us or anything like that and she was always the one asking my ex to compare both of us in the chats.)
The first thing I did was throw all my ex-boyfriend's things out of the apartment, I insulted him in a thousand ways and I kept the PC that I gave him for Christmas.
I didn't speak a single word to my sister for over a week and she didn't contacted me like the coward she is until yesterday when she sent me a message trying to justify herself by saying that it was a mistake (Yes, a mistake that lasted more than a year) and that I should forgive her because we're sisters and blah blah blah at one point I thought "Should I be the mature person in the situation who doesn't let resentment speak for her?" but then I realized that I've never been that kind of person. I took my phone and wrote a long message to my sister that I would love to write here but I am sure that I would break the rules since I called her out in every possible way and I wrote a lot of personal things too, I told her how much of a failure she is and how she has always envied me and that's why she needed to feel what it's like to be me for a second of her sad life.
She sent me a voice massage crying and saying that she's in a very weak moment mentally (but she's still with him, lmao) and I shouldn't make her feel worse and that she regrets it, I just reacted to her message with this emoji 😂 and didn't even heard the long voice message until the end.
Was it a low thing to attack her with all her flaws? Yes, but it's lower to betray your sister and believe that she's going to forgive you just because you share blood with her.
Honestly, I feel really good after sending her that message and feel that it was Therapeutic to take out everything I feel to give closure to that.
Btw I've never used a PC for gaming but I'm looking for tutorials on YouTube about how to download the SIMS.
I helped my sister in every moment of her life, I literally fought for her when she was being bullied during High school, I helped her thousands of times to make friends, I even accompanied her everywhere she wanted, it is a betrayal that really hurts and I will never forgive, never. It hurts me that she slept with someone I loved, but it hurts me a lot all the things I read in those chats, how she enjoyed watching him compare me to her or how she asked him about personal things about our relationship just to laugh at it. She's dead to me and my parents knows it.
I don't even care if I'm a bad person like them, this is something I can't forgive and I don't even feel bad for my reaction.
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Comments
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tsscaramel
At least your ex showed he was a POS before you got married so now you have the opportunity to find someone who actually appreciates you, sounds like an upgrade if you ask me.

OOP: To be honest the relationship was already going bad in some ways (although that doesn't justify what he did) so I don't feel too bad for breaking up, I took out the trash

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MyUsernameIsMehh
Going bad is still never an excuse to cheat. If e had the slightest bit of respect for you as a human being then he would just break up
Good riddance.
People often say "how you lose them is how you got them" so I wouldn't be surprised if she came crying to you one day about him cheating on her
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Ithink-imoverit2405
Good for you. Perpetrator only makes themselves a victim when they wanted to. Please inform your parents of the event to not let her play victim more and throw you under the bus and back the bus to hit you more times.

OOP: Thanks! They already know everything. Neither of them are on her side and they respect that I want to cut off all contact with my sister. My parents are really strict so I think they're going to cut contact with her too but that's their decision, I don't want to get into that and cause problems

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The message - same day
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Thank you for all the nice comments you left me! Many wrote to me with tips for the sims and I'm really grateful, thanks for the game recommendations even though I'm really bad at playing action game, The last action game I played was Resident Evil 4 on the PS2 long time ago and it was because I had a crush with Leon Kennedy (he would never cheat on me btw).
As a token of appreciation (And because I also like it when the op uploads the whole gossip), I will put here half of the message I sent to my sister.
The message I sent her was really long and I cut out the parts where I talk about very private things or when I insulted her to not make the post too uncomfortable because I was really hurt and angry at that moment and I talked about many personal things in the text. I will put the copy of the message in the end if someone talks Spanish. I'm sorry if it sounds weird in English, I did my best to translate it and I had to remove a lot of parts.
"I'm not interested in hearing any of your excuses, I believed you when a problem she had with her ex-friend group happened because I really trusted that you would never do something like that but now I understand why everyone leaves you alone and you deserve it.
What you did to me is a shit and you know it but you didn't care because you spent a year being the whore of ex name without any shame and now that I found out everything you went days without talking to me because you are a coward and on top of that you still don't care about what you did to me, You're only talking to me because Dad probably stopped talking to you and you're running out of money, so you want to fix this shit so he gives you money again.
You were always an asshole but don't you think it's a lot to be my boyfriend's second woman? How little respect do you have for yourself? We're sisters, I don't even know what's going on in your head because I don't understand what's wrong with you. Girl, I read all the messages between you and you even started comparing our bodies, YOU'RE SICK.
You know that I never did anything for you to do this to me and I loved you. But everything turned out really well for you because he's with you so enjoy that feeling and the love you two have for the other for now because you are going to be really lonely later and you are going to go back to your cave but this time I am not going to be there to pity you like every time I did before.
Stay with him, there's nothing that interests me less than fighting for an idiot who is surely going to leave you but let me make it clear to you that you're not going to hear about me again, this dies here, we are not sister's anymore. If I see you on the street then I'm going to cross to the opposite sidewalk to not see you."
"No me interesa escuchar ninguna de tus excusas, yo te creí cuando pasó lo de a problem she had with her ex-friend group porque de verdad confié en que vos nunca harías algo así pero ahora entiendo por qué todos te dejan sola y te lo mereces.
Lo que me hiciste es una cagada y vos lo sabes pero no te importó porque estuviste un año siendo la trola de ex name sin ninguna vergüenza y ahora que me enteré de todo estuviste días sin hablarme porque sos re cagona y encima te sigue sin importar lo que me hiciste, solamente me estás hablando porque papá seguramente te cortó el rostro y te estás quedando sin plata así que querés arreglar tu cagada para que te vuelvan a depositar. Siempre fuiste una pelotuda fracasada pero no te parece un montón rebajarte a ese nivel de ser la segunda de mi novio? Tan poco respeto te tenés a vos misma? Somos hermanas, no sé ni que está pasando por tu cabeza porque posta no entiendo que te pasa. Flaca, leí todos los mensajes entre ustedes y te ponías a comparar nuestros cuerpos, estás re enferma.
Vos sabes que yo nunca te hice nada para que vos me hagas esto y te re quería, igual te salió re bien porque el está con vos así que disfruta por ahora ese amor que se tienen porque después te vas a quedar sola de verdad y vas a volver a tu cueva pero esta vez no voy a estar yo para tenerte lastima como siempre hice antes.
Quédate con el, no hay nada que me interese menos que pelear por un idiota que seguramente te va a dejar pero que te quede claro que de mi no vas a volver a escuchar, acá muere, no somos más hermanas y si te veo en la calle me cruzo de vereda."
Edit: Yes, I'm from Argentina :)
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Update - 3 months later
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They broke up nobody's surprised
When all of this happened my parents scolded my sister and she got offended and didn't speak to our parents except to ask them for money, she asked them for money to buy things for her career but then my aunt told my parents that my sister actually used that money to buy my ex some sneakers.
My parents never gave her any money from that day on, she's an idiot tbh. My parents started to pay for us to go to a private college and the only thing we have to do is literally STUDY, The only thing she had to do was take her studies seriously but she didn't, so my father got tired and hasn't sent her money for months.
My ex discovered the post because he said it went viral in Facebook and obviously he recognized the story, he contacted me to apologize and said he knows he did wrong by hurting me like that but my sister 'manipulated him' and it was a total mistake, I told him he can shove his apologies in the ass. Meanwhile, my sister and I have only crossed paths a few times, but she always avoids me because she thinks I'm going to hit her (I won't). We're not going to the same career so we luckily don't see each other too much
Anyway, a few days ago she went to our parents' house saying that she broke up with my ex (idk why) And that she felt really sad and had an anxiety attack, I don't know exactly what they talked about since I wasn't there but my mother told me that she told my sister that she knew what was going to happen when she slept with him and my sister justified herself by saying that 'They're in love' so my mother and her just argued again and my sister left. Now she doesn't talk to anyone in the family except our grandmother to ask for money, I know my sister is not going to change her bad habits and she didn't learn anything from this, I even think she will get together with my ex again because they're just toxic with each other but it's her life to ruin, not mine and I don't care anymore.
The bright side: I sold the pc to a guy from reddit that saw my post and that really saved me from having to keep paying the dues, unfortunately I didn't get to play The Sims much but I prefer the extra money. My ex had told me that he wanted the pc back but I told him that then he should pay the remaining dues AND HE SAID NO, so the idiot wanted the pc for free even though he slept with my sister. 🥴
The weird side: There are YouTubers who are literally charging their subscribers to read the post or other reddit posts in their podcast, tf, at least give me a share of the profits.
I'm know it's a boring update and probably everyone wanted that the update was my sister begging for forgiveness and my ex suffering but no, they are just two idiots who deserve each other and nothing more happened but even today I received a message asking me for an update, haha.
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Comments
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Driverpicksthetunes
Not even 6 months later they break up, oh yeah clearly it was twuuuuu wuvvvv 😂 glad you sold the PC and dropped the dead weight from your life
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MyUsernameIsMehh

They broke up

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

That was quick lmfao
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I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

"We're your mates." Mates? Six mates? How could it be?! "Wait a minute... you said all of you. That's not how mates work. Fated mates are two people, not an entire harem." I hissed as I shook my head. "This conversation is ridiculous because it's not real." Silence filled the space between us for several long seconds. "You really want us to leave?" My stomach twisted at his words. We just met, and yet he sounded devastated as he asked the question. I silently cursed myself for causing the change I heard. If I was a better person, I would say something else. "Yes." "Fine, we'll leave, but only on one condition. Buss each one of us. Then, if you feel nothing, we'll walk out of here without protest." ———————— I would die in this very spot, and no one would have a clue. Six hours... I'd been trapped under this pile of random things for six hours. My hips and back ached from how long I'd been stuck in this exact position. I'd tried everything I could think of, but the massive pile of unknown stuff never moved. Something heavy had landed on my back, keeping me pinned face down on scattered newspapers and the occasional book. How did I know there were books when I couldn't see them? Because of the sharp corners stabbing into me. If that level of depressing suckage wasn't enough, I had to pee. My bladder hurt... felt like it was about to burst. Because of course, the first time I decided to drink spirits, I'd end up faced and trapped under a pile of a hoarder's treasure. To relieve some of the pressure off my cheek, I dug my shoulder into the newspaper floor and tilted my head until my forehead pressed against the mess underneath me. The small amount of relief I felt from the change of position was enough to stop me from going insane. For now. Ding dong. "You've got to be shitting me." I grumbled into the ancient newspapers. Someone at the door wouldn't matter. I couldn't get off the floor... erm, pile of stuff that acted as a floor, to answer the door. Whoever was on the other side would eventually think someone wasn't home and leave. And so would my only chance at being rescued. "Ha." I couldn't stop the sarcastic laugh from escaping. Even if they did come in, whoever they were wouldn't want to sign up for this insanity. I didn't even want to deal with this nightmare my life had become. Thanks mom. Ding dong. Ding dong. Who rang the doorbell multiple times? Seriously, just go away and let me die. Sure, I would be in the hall of shame for dumb ways to go, but I'd already accepted my fate. Not only would I die in one of the most embarrassing ways in history, I'd go with the dullest life experiences. Why? Because I'd always done what I was supposed to do... every single expectation my parents had, I jumped at the chance to please them. I was an idiot. A boring, lame, not once destined to save the world, sheltered little girl that grew in an inexperienced woman. My life was pathetic. "Parker, are you okay?" The deep voice sent shivers through me. I imagined this unknown man growling in my ear. Then my senses came back to me. While I was on the verge of being crushed to death, someone had broken into my house. Great, just what I needed. Good luck mister robber. If you can find anything valuable, then you deserved it. The logical side of my brain caught up to current events. First thing, a robber wouldn't call out my name as he broke into my house. Second, I didn't know anyone with a voice so delicious... uh, I meant distinct. Yeah. Should I respond or hope they gave up and left? My mother would have insisted I remain silent. Her voice slid through my memory. "Men were a distraction to a woman's career." I rolled my eyes at the phrase she'd said throughout my childhood and even after I'd moved out on my own. If I was going to leave this world, it would be after doing something ridiculous. I'd call the man with the delicious voice over, then I could die from embarrassment. "I'm over here!" What I'd intended to be a shout came out more as a breathy moan. I barely had room to breathe. It seemed shouting was impossible. A burning hot pain shot through my neck as I tried to turn my head to see the footsteps that approached. Nope, that wasn't going to happen. My mysterious, silver tongued hero or burglar's looks would have to remain a mystery just a bit longer. "Over here!" Just like last time, his voice made me shudder. With a voice like that, the man had to be hot. I hoped he had a beard... and tattoos. Not only would it make my mother roll in her grave, I'd always loved looking at burly, tatted up, bearded guys. Add in hair that was long enough to pull and I couldn't think of a good reason to ever leave the house. The crushing weight finally lifted off me. I sucked in a deep breath, then immediately regretted it as I choked on the oxygen. My lungs seized as the rush of air shocked them. Hands grabbed my arms and shoulders, then the world tilted as they lifted me to my feet. I bent over and grabbed my knees as my equilibrium spun. Hands patted my back, helping me calm. Actually, there were more than two hands. I counted enough to equal three people. When I got my breathing under control, I dared follow the black boots that stood at the top of my vision. My gaze slid up, taking in black cargo pants that rode low on a pair of hips. Further up, a black tactical vest contained... bottles of cleaning solution. What the heck? The moment I went full vertical, my balance tilted again. I stepped back to catch myself. In front of me stood a massive man, the kind I had to look up to just to catch a view of his chin... his bearded chin. My fingers itched with the need to touch it. I didn't. It would be weird to stroke a hot stranger's beard. Wouldn't it? I shook my head. Of course it would be weird. I turned, taking in the four men and one woman standing all around me. The sound of newspapers sliding preceding my right foot slid out from underneath me. The giant of a man caught me before I fell on my hips in front of everyone. They all wore similar black tactical gear with cleaning supplies. Colorful bottles of solution, a duster, a roll of trash bags, and... was that a broom and a mop with shoulder straps? Who were these people? "Parker, are you okay?" The deliciously deep voice asked from behind me. After a few tries, I accepted the fact that I was speechless. My brain nudged at me, telling me I'd missed a crucial detail. Every brain cell misfired as I looked them over again. Correction, five of them wore black tactical gear. Every single one of them was drop dead gorgeous, and it made me feel out of place. One of the guys stood off to the side with his arms crossed over his chest. I blinked. No, that couldn't be right. I blinked again, but the sight stayed the same. A man stood taller than those closest to him. Peeking over his crossed arms was a ruffled white fabric with black lace woven through it and tied in a bow. There was even a small scattering of chest hair sticking over the edge. The hem of the skirt ended well above his knee, revealing a tattoo that covered his entire right thigh. My gaze traveled up to his face. A plush black beard contrasted with the skimpy maid's outfit he wore. "I..." Words failed me again. I gestured to the man whose outfit didn't fit the others. He rolled his eyes as he tightened his grip on his arms. "They thought it would be funny to prank me. Did you know, not only did they buy this ridiculous outfit, they stole the rest of my clothes, so I'd have to wear this?" "Uh, no. I don't even know who all of you are." For whatever reason, it hadn't dawned on me that all these incredibly attractive people were standing in my house. Like inside, where they could take in the horror of what my mother left me to inherit. Mortification slammed into me. They'd seen the awful mess. "You all need to leave." "Parker?" The burly man's voice from behind me caught my attention. He waited until I turned around to continue. "You don't remember asking us to come here, do you?" Ice slid down my spine. I'd been pretty drunk last night, but since I'd never had spirits before and I'd decided to take shots of everything in my mother's 'social hour' cabinet, I wasn't even surprised I'd woken up with a hangover. "How much did you have to drink last night?" "Seeing how I'm awake now, apparently not enough. Who are you, and how do you know me?" The man bared his teeth at me, making a sound that I could only describe as a hiss. "Never again. From now on, if you need something, you ask us." I dismissed him with a wave of my hand. "Why would I ask you anything?" "Because we're your mates." Hard stop. Mates? A giddy feeling in my belly told me he didn't mean a friend. I held a finger up for him to give me a minute. A sharp pain slid through my abdomen, reminding me I had yet to relieve myself after my drunken night of mistakes. One of the other men spoke up. "I know it's a lot to take in, and you're probably really confused, but we are all your fated mates." I'd read enough werewolf romance novels to know what they meant, and they were dead wrong. Shifters weren't real. "Yeah mate, tell us what you need, and we'll get it for you." "I need to pee." And with that, I stomped out to the nearest bathroom and locked myself inside. Why wouldn't the ground open and swallow me whole? I sat on the bathroom floor with my back propped against the wall and hugged my legs to my chest as I rested my forehead on my knees. Not only had people witnessed the horror I lived in, but they had to be the hottest people in the world. Even the woman had made me look twice and left me shoving a deeper desire I refuse to even consider right now. Knock, knock. "Parker?" It was the giant of a man's voice. Why couldn't they leave so I could be alone? "Go away." I heard sounds on the other side of the door that sounded like he'd sat on the floor. "Come out and talk to us." I pressed my forehead against my knee harder, trying to ignore the giant bearded intercourse god. "Or, just talk to me. We're worried about you." My chest seized as I forced myself to take a deep breath. Irrational anger surged inside of me. Why didn't they understand I didn't want them here? "You don't even know me." The sound of his deep chuckle sent a warm wave of desire through me. Stupid hormones. "Twenty-four hours ago, I would have agreed with you. After last night, I feel like I know you on a level most others never will." What did I do last night? I still couldn't remember what I'd done. I swore to myself I'd never drink again. "It was all lies." "Why are you trying to push us away? What would be so wrong with letting someone in to help for once?" Memories of my parents’ fighting came back to me. It was my tenth birthday. When my dad found out my mom bought a cake for my birthday, he'd attacked her. Everything was a blur until he'd pinned her against the wall. She held a knife to his crotch and threatened him. He'd left and never returned that day. My mind shut down, preventing me from thinking about it any longer. "Because I can't afford to pay you and no one does anything out of the kindness of their heart." I couldn't keep the sarcastic tone out of my voice as I said it. "Parker, you're missing a vital part of this dynamic." Silently, I chanted over and over for him to not use the word mates again. It couldn't be real. Paranormal romance novels weren't real... neither were shifters nor the perfect person walking into my life and devoting themselves to me. That was a fairytale, not reality. "Mates. Just to see a smile cross your lips, I'd clean this entire property. Throw in the others, and we'd do anything to see you happy." He tapped something on the door. "I can scent your annoyance through the door." "Wait a minute... you said all of you. That's not how mates work. Fated mates are two people, not an entire harem." I hissed as I shook my head. "This conversation is ridiculous because it's not real." Silence filled the space between us for several long seconds. "You really want us to leave?" My stomach twisted at his words. We just met, and yet he sounded devastated as he asked the question. I silently cursed myself for causing the change I heard. If I was a better person, I would say something else. "Yes." "Fine, we'll leave, but only on one condition. Buss each one of us. Then, if you feel nothing, we'll walk out of here without protest." I banged my head on my knee. That wouldn't work. They weren't even in the room with me and I already felt things. No way could I buss even one of them without having a reaction. "No." "Is that because you already know what I'm saying is true, or are you just being stubborn?" Before I could think about why he had said it, I jumped up and threw the door open to glare at him. "Are you always a jerk?" The confidence disappeared as I looked up into his eyes. He grabbed the doorknob and pulled it closed behind me, pushing me against him in the process. His gaze locked on mine as he lowered his head until we were almost bussing. "Never, but I'm not above riling you up to help give you the boost you need to confront a situation with confidence." Now that he was so close, I couldn't remember why I'd locked myself in the bathroom. Everything around us disappeared except the door his hard body pressed me against. His free hand caressed my cheek. "Can you genuinely tell me you don't feel the bond trying to form between us?" I clamped my jaw closed. If I didn't admit it out loud, then it wasn't real, but he was right. I could feel a... connection to him and the others. It didn't make sense, and I might not want it, but was most definitely there. His lips brushed against mine ever so slightly, sending a wave of fire through me. I gripped the straps of his black tactical vest to pull him closer, but he didn't budge. He chuckled as he moved from my lips to my ear. "Mate, if I buss you, I won't stop until you're mine. It might not be today or tomorrow, but I will claim you and make you mine." "And if I say we're not mates?" "Your mouth might lie, but your body and soul can't." I heard him inhale deep at my neck. "I can smell your need to claim me. It fills my senses until it's all I can think about. I've just found you and already you've consumed my entire world." It was bizarre, but I completely understood what he meant. Somewhere deep down inside of me, the idea of kicking out even one of them left me feeling raw. Six mates... and one of them was a woman. I'd known I was attracted to both genders from a young age, but I'd always locked that part of me away. My mom flipped at the idea of me dating a single man. I couldn't even fathom how hard she was rolling over in her grave at having six lovers. It was so much to process. "Come on, let's go back to the others." His voice pulled me back to reality. "Not yet." Suddenly, I didn't want to move. When I felt his body pull back, I gripped his vest tighter. My gut twisted as I decided to throw a lifetime of caution out the window. "buss me." He growled deep in his chest as his hands slid down my sides until he cupped my hips. A squeal of surprise escaped me as he lifted me up, then held me against his chest as he pressed me against the door. "You're mine... ours." Then his buss consumed me, mind, body, and soul. It felt as if our life forces bonded together. The mere thought of letting go of this man became too much. It was in that moment I realized I'd screwed up. I'd never be able to give him up, or the others, without ripping my own heart from my chest. I regretted so much in my life. What was one more? I sank my hands into his hair, gripping it at the roots, and tilted his head back. Our buss broke. A smug satisfaction slid through me when I realized he was breathing as hard as I was, but I wasn't done throwing out stupid rules my mother had forced on me. I pulled his head until I'd exposed his neck. The edge of a tribal tattoo peeked out under his shirt. I trailed the tip of my tongue along the dark lines, then bussed a trail along his neck. He moved until only one hand cupped my hips. His other hand caressed the back of my neck, urging me to do whatever I wanted to him. I tightened my legs around his waist, lifting myself higher as my busses moved along the edge of his beard. "That is hot." Another man's voice made it through my lusty fog. "Yeah, can't wait until it's my turn." Someone else said. I pulled back and realized my five other mates were watching us make out. All of them had a hunger in their eyes I'd never seen before...

Sofia, honey, please wake up' mum mind links as I stir in my sleep. I moan, not wanting to wake up. Why would mummy want to wake me up in the middle of the night? Maybe she didn't say anything and I'm just dreaming about this whole thing. I sign and roll over, sleep overcoming me. 'Sofia, please' I groan, trying really hard to wake up. She doesn't sound too happy with me. 'What's wrong mummy?' I ask her, still half asleep. 'Sofia, you need to get up and run. We're under attack from a rogue pack. Your father and I managed to hide your sister away somewhere safe but we can't get to you' 'Where are you, mummy?' 'The other side of the house baby. I tried to get to you and I was so close but a rogue got to me before I could reach you and knocked me out. I'm tied up. There's too many of them so I need you to get out of bed and run away from here as fast as you can. Use the door in daddy's office and the tunnels to get out. Run to one of the neighbouring packs and when you get there tell them what happened and then wait there for us to come and get you. Do you understand my love?' 'Yes, mummy.' 'Good girl. I love you Sofia.' 'I love you too mummy.' 'Run sweetheart.' 'Yes, mummy' I reply as a tear slips down my face. I sit up quickly and reach over to my bedside table. I fumble my hand around in the dark, trying to find my hearing aids. My hands connect with the cold plastic and I grab them and put them in as my bedroom light turns on and I come face to face with two large men. Rogues. I study them for a split second, frozen in place. Maybe I will blend into the duvet if I'm still enough. The man on the left is taller than the man on the right. Both of them have dark hair and black eyes, a mixture of dirt and blood covering their bodies. I bite my lips, trying to hold back a scream. "Hello there, sweetie," the man on the left says in what I hear as a mumble. I whimper as they get closer, still frozen with fear. "What's your name?" the other one asks with an evil grin. I shake my head and shuffle back against my headboard. 'Mummy?!' I mind link. No answer. 'Daddy? Please?' Still no answer. "I said what's your name girl?" the man asks again, his voice rising, anger clear in his tone. I whimper and point at my hearing aids, more tears falling down my cheeks. The men look at each other before looking back at me. "Are you deaf?" The one on the left asks loudly, his smile darkening. I whimper again and nod. He grins at the other guy before looking at me. "How old are you?" he grunts. Not wanting to make him any angrier, I shakily hold up eight fingers. "Oh, this should be fun," he says chuckling as he walks over to me. A scream manages to finally escape my throat, more tears rushing down my face as I curl up into a ball in terror. The man stops for a moment and pulls out some black leather gloves from his back pocket. He puts them on before pulling out a pair of silver handcuffs. My heart stops. Daddy told me what silver does to werewolves. It burns their skin and causes them pain. It's meant as a means of torture. Suddenly, he grabs my hands, yanking my arms behind my back as he turns me around, cuffing me. The silver burns into my skin. Just as daddy had warned me. I scream out in pain, sobs falling from my lips and he does the same with my ankles before taking the gloves off. I continue to cry, not daring to move as it will make the burns worse. Deathly still, I watch as the shorter of the two men walks over to me, an evil smile spread across his face. He proceeds to pick me up and carries me in his arms towards the door and out of my room. I start screaming again, thrashing and kicking to try and loosen his grip on me but it only makes the burns worse. I lull in my attempts to break free, knowing now that it will only cause me more pain. A pain worse than I have ever felt before. All of a sudden, we stop and the taller man turns around and walks up to the rogue and I. He looks at me grinning and touches my hearing aids. Oh no, he's noticed them. "You won't need these where we're going" he snarls loud enough for me to hear him clearly, still smiling. Time slows down as he rips my hearing aids out of my ears, dropping them on the ground and stomping on them. Crushing them into a million pieces. I proceed to sob even harder as the dull ringing fills my ears. The pain of the burns starts to take over and I start to see black spots. 'Mummy?' I try mind linking again. Nothing. I really hope she and daddy and Claire are okay. My eyes start to flutter and the last thing I see is the back of the other man as we walk out the door and towards a car. I whimper one last time before everything turns black.
TEN YEARS LATER
I weakly pace around my tiny cell, trying to keep myself awake. I haven't eaten in two days and I'm surprised my wolf and I are still hanging on after all this time. This dirty, disgusting cell I have been trapped in for more than half of my life.
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Chapter 2
I look up and see a guard watching me with a smirk on his face. He says something but all I hear is muffled noises. But that's all I ever hear so I'm used to it. He walks up to my cell and unlocks it and I know I'm about to be beaten again when suddenly, the ground shakes. I look up to see the guards start to panic and run out of the room, leaving my cell wide open. Now's my chance. I've been waiting for so long to escape and now is finally the time. I send a silent thank you prayer to the Moon Goddess before stumbling out of my cell and out the door. I walk through the office and over to the window to see a fight outside. The whole rogue pack is fighting what looks and smells like to be another rogue pack. I take one last look before slipping out of the door and into the forest without anyone noticing me. I run. Fast. I feel my wolf getting a tiny bit stronger as I run through the forest, the fresh air filling my lungs. I haven't left that tiny cell in ten years and now I am free. It's honestly too good to be true. I know I have to keep moving or they will find me. I continue to feel my wolf get stronger and begin to surface as I continue to run, trees whipping past me. After a while, I stop for a moment and feel myself begin to shift as my wolf takes over my body completely. I scream out in pain, my bones cracking and popping and I feel my dirty rags rip to shreds. God, it was just as painful as the first time it happened. Hopefully it gets easier the more I do it. I quickly dig a hole and paw in the shreds to hide the evidence of me being here before covering it up and taking off again. My wolf lets out a happy growl and runs faster. It feels nice to let my wolf out again after I first shifted. I shifted about a year ago, I think, in my tiny cell and they screamed at me and I shifted back out of fear. I then got beaten and tortured and that made my wolf disappear. I haven't felt her in so long which is understandable due to everything that has happened. But now I know she's still there which is good. I continue to run, having no clue where I'm going but that doesn't matter. As long as I get away from that horrible place, I'll be fine.
I've been running for maybe about an hour, I'm not really sure. I feel like I haven't gotten anywhere. The rogue base must've been hidden out in the middle of nowhere because honestly, I haven't come across a single wolf pack territory yet. Or at least I don't think I have. All I know is that I'm not on the rogues land so either it's neutral land or a wolf pack's territory, both of which I find terrifying. I can feel my wolf starting to get tired but I know that the rogues will have discovered that I'm missing so I need to keep moving. I can't get caught. I won't let myself get caught. I can't go back to that hell hole now that I'm free. God only knows what Zane will do to me if he does catch me. I shiver at the thought. I must keep running.
I think I've been running for what seems like hours now and I'm exhausted. To be honest, I'm can't believe I'm still going. I'm surprised I'm still alive even today after everything that I've been through over the years. I know if I had been human then I definitely would have died a while ago. I continue to run, although I feel myself starting to slow down once again, my wolf growing more tired by the second. At this point, I don't know how many territories I've crossed. My wolf senses have gotten weaker, become almost non-existent from being locked in my cell with silver chains and wolfsbane injections for so many years so I'm finding it harder to tell. Either that or packs have gotten better at masking their scent nowadays, but I highly doubt that. I can't tell how many I've been through, I'm just glad I haven't been caught by anyone yet. I slow down a bit more to catch my breath when suddenly something flashes past in the corner of my eye. Whatever it is, it was gone as quickly as it arrived. Inhaling deeply, the faint smell of wolf hits my nose. Oh shit. Panic sets in and I instantly pick up my pace but I am quickly tackled to the ground by another wolf. I whimper, trying not to struggle too much because I know from past experience that if you struggle, you'll get beaten. There are always consequences for your actions. I close my eyes, another whimper escaping my throat and feel the weight suddenly disappear from me. I get up and slowly back towards a tree and the wolf gives me a funny look. Suddenly, two more wolves appear and stand next to the other wolf. I whimper again and continue to back slowly away until I hit the tree behind me. Losing my balance, I fall over and decide it's best to just stay on the ground as I'm absolutely exhausted. I look at the wolves and they stare back at me. The one that tackled me has a chocolate brown coat, while the one on its left has a sandy blonde coat and the one on its right has a pure white coat.

I want to thank Meatcanyon and Wendigoon for starting Creepcast. I've played around with writing horror, and here is my first short story. I will post it for free in a few other places to see what people think. Please enjoy!
A Hike to Remember
By R.L. Oclen
Chapter 1
A woman sits with hastily pulled-up fire-red hair in the waiting room of the state patrol station. The procedurally sterile off-white walls and decade-old magazines do little for comfort. With her head hanging low, her shoulders pushing forward, and her boots rapidly tapping on the floor, something has to give.
"Please just let her be okay." The woman growls as a pair of officers come in from the field. The officers' demeanors quickly change when they see the familiar face.
"Tabitha, did Officer Nichols call you?" one of the state patrol officers asked sympathetically.
"Yes, he asked me to come in and pick up a few things," Tabitha said, shooting back a muted look.
" I'll let them know you're here." The officer said, nodding to Tabitha as they passed the security door. Tabitha leaned back against the hard plastic chair, staring blankly into the fluorescent light. She had done this dance in the macabre repeatedly over the past month. The last image of her younger sister, Lisa, still burned in her mind. Tabitha had always been protective over her younger sister after their parents died. A pang of guilt shoots through her chest as she thinks about her and Lisa's argument.
"Tabitha Hymm, Officer Nichols is ready for you."
"Okay," she stood up, shaking off her guilt, and followed the officer back. The familiar surroundings of the state patrol station blurred as Tabitha stared forward. She followed the officer as they came to a rustic wooden office door, which was embossed with "Officer Nichols."
The escorting officer turns the old brass door knob. "Sir, I have Tabitha Hymm here." A grizzled West Virginia Highway State Patrol veteran sits behind the desk and nods. The escorting officer steps aside, pushing the door open as Tabitha pushes past him and slumps in the awaiting chair like so many times before. An uncomfortable relationship had formed between the two, born out of necessity and duty.
"Cup of coffee?"
"No thanks. Let's just cut to the chase. You don't have anything new?"
The worn laugh lines and Officer Nichols's face flattens. His eyebrows contour sympathetically as he shakes his head.
"Tabitha, I don't have anything else new for you. I wanted to give you the clothes returned from the lab." Her face darkened at the same response she had heard many times.
"As we discussed two weeks ago, there is nothing new and no signs of struggle or foul play," Officer Nichols said while placing a box marked evidence on the table and sliding it forward. Tabitha began to weep at the realization of Lisa's clothes in front of her. In a coordinated queue, Officer Nichols brought out a box of tissues. Reluctantly, Tabitha took a few moments to unblur her vision.
"How does someone stop their car in the middle of the Remington West Virginia State Park, lock it, and then walk into the woods?" Officer Nichols clasped his hands together and sighed at her worn question.
"Tabitha, I wish I had an answer for why your sister stopped her car in the woods and simply walked off. We're still going through her cell phone, but no signs exist that anyone forced her. On that Tuesday morning, she pulled over to the side of the road, secured her car, and walked away." Officer Nichols said empathetically.
Tabitha became stoic at the same explanation she had heard many times before. " So what next?"
"You should go back to Ohio, and I'll contact you as soon as I have more information." She winced at Officer Nichols's words. Reality began to pull at her that bills and work wouldn't wait much longer.
"If I leave, she's gone for good."
" You staying won't bring her back." Officer Nichols said sympathetically.
" So is that it? She's just gone?"
" Tabitha, I'll be honest with you. In cases like this… when people do things like this. Recovery is harder in the spring due to the weather and the animals. You know her mental condition better than I do. I can't explain why she did what she did. But until I find a solution, a suicide note, some intention, or body. She's not here. Tabitha, I'm-"
" Don't you fucking say sorry!" Tabitha stood up, screaming at Officer Nichols, throwing the plastic chair backward against the wall. " I should just look for myself."
"No!" Officer Nichols said momentarily, gripping the desk as his face hardened, then relaxed. Tabitha was caught off guard by Officer Nichols, who was normally composed. "Tabitha, I know this is unbearable. I've sat on this side of the desk and had these conversations. Trust me; I need you to be safe if I need your help later."
Tabitha nods, knowing Officer Nichols is right. She reaches down, picks up the evidence box of her sister's belongings, and leaves.
" Tabitha, if you're heading home, don't stop your car; just keep driving." Tabitha stops to look at Officer Nichols, feeling an eeriness to his words.
" Goodbye, Officer Nichols," Tabitha said as she closed the rustic wooden door behind her. She counted the tiles as she exited the West Virginia State Patrol Station. Placing her sister's belongings carefully in the back seat of her Jeep, Tabitha then sat momentarily behind the steering wheel, staring at the emblem. The familiar numbness washed over Tabitha as she pushed the start button. She pulled onto the highway, driving to the motel that had been home for the last month or so. Muted pop music accented the drive back as her mind raced with questions. Once inside the two-and-a-half-star motel room, Tabitha sat her sister's belongings on the corner table, crumbled onto the bed, and cried.
***
Tabitha wiped the steam from the slightly spotted mirror above the bathroom sink. The hot water from the shower felt good and loosened some of the stress from her body. Looking back at her, Tabitha's face was framed by damp curls around her shoulders. Her face marked the stress of the past month. Frowning, she examined the bags under her eyes; sleep had to come tonight. Walking into the living area, She changed into her favorite gym shorts and oversized sleep shirt. The alarm on her phone flashed "7:00 am," so she could drive home five hours after breakfast.
Tabitha hated feeling comfortable in this once strange room, but falling asleep was getting easier now. Her eyes closed slowly as the ceiling fan droned evenly. At first, nothing came in her dreams, but she let her guard down and slipped further into sleep.
As she dreamed of floating overhead like a bird of prey, Tabitha soared over the vast Remington National Park. The high noon sun bore down on the crisp woods, perfectly contrasting sky and forest. The heat of the sun felt good on her feathers. Distant cries rang out through the dream-like forest, catching her attention. Tabitha tilted her wings toward the screams, feeling a sense of familiar curiosity.
She now recognized the sobs and cries for help as she flew closer, her sharp eyes locked on her sister leaning against a large oak tree. She glided overhead without care, examining the situation below. Lisa clung to the tree, her eyes darting back and forth, scanning upwards. Lisa's face reflected desperation, looking for help in any direction. Tabitha lazily circles Lisa several times before perching on a sturdy branch higher in one of the oak trees. She watched Lisa intently with hunger. She bellowed deeply, hearing the unnatural sound she made, catching Lisa's eyes. Lisa's expression changed; she became calm, almost uncaring, as she stared back at Tabitha's form. Hunger grew exponentially in Tabitha as she spread her large wings. Her large eyes gaze down at Lisa before diving straight for her sister.
Tabitha jolts awake to the alarm on her phone flashing "7:23 AM." She breathes in sharply, shaking off the last horrible thoughts from the reoccurring nightmare. The strange details become more vivid each time. The lingering memories of folk stories her mother told sat in the back of her mind. In those stories, the dead would reach out in dreams as a matter of warning. Leaning back on the headboard, she searched for the advice her psychologist gave her. During their last session, Dr. Ryland explained dreams are a form of self-actualization of guilt. He told Tabitha that it was natural to feel responsible when losing a loved one in this manner.
Tabitha grumbled, lightly running her hands through her red hair; she pushed everything to the back of her mind. "Get it together!" She grumbled to herself. She pushed herself off the bed and got ready to leave. It was going to be a long trip home, and the only thing she could do now was leave things in the authorities' hands. Packing up was pretty easy since she only cycled through the outfits she brought. The local laundromat must have made a small fortune off her. Tabitha took one last look at the box of Lisa's belongings before throwing them in her duffle bag. She was thankful she didn't have to spend another night in this room.
***
Tabitha sat behind the wheel, waiting for the 90's model minivan to finish their order so she could grab a breakfast burrito on the way out. Considering the situation, the Deer Stop Family Restaurant did have a good breakfast. Finally, pulling up to the 70-style drive-in board, Tabitha rolled off the order she had been accustomed to. " I'll take a large iced tea with the double breakfast burrito meal and hash browns, please."
" Would you like some happy hot sauce with that?"
" That's fine, and a few ketchup packets as well."
" Your total is $8.79. Please pull around."
She pulled around to her window, flashed her debit card, got the receipt, and waited for her food. Luckily, the young woman serving her wasn't very talkative in the morning. The last thing she wanted was a conversation about the weather or meaningless small talk.
" Here's your large iced tea and breakfast meal. Ketchup and happy hot sauce are inside."
" Thanks," Tabitha said while mustering her best fake smile. The woman only smiled and nodded as the service window automatically closed. She pulled into the parking lot and dug into breakfast. Turning the radio to the weather, Tabitha sat back and enjoyed her meal. The local DJ read through the headlines, making nonpartisan comments about politics and grumbling about improving the economy. Tabitha powered through the updates of the "out-of-state woman" who'd gone missing. It was nice that the local radio station gave Lisa's name, description, and a missing person's number for sightings or leads. Tabitha even interviewed with the local news and radio stations, hoping it would bring Lisa home. But she soon found all it brought was a sorrowful look from the locals as she interacted with them in her day-to-day life.
Finishing the last of her hash browns, Lisa wadded up everything in the paper bag and threw it in the back seat. The 9 AM weather report said it was nothing but clear skies and sun the rest of the week. Tabitha flipped the radio over to the greatest hit station, pulled out of the parking lot, and began her trip home. She memorized the roads, every bend and turn in the early weeks as she frantically looked for Lisa. There's something hypnotic about the trees: the way they flow together. The trees' green tops and the oak trees' wide trunks were a relaxing view. Tabitha enjoyed the lazy s-curves of the road, bending and winding around the hills and the trees. The occasional farmhouse or field dotted the sides of the road as she made her way to the main highway.
The blur of a semi-truck snapped Tabitha's attention as she pulled up to the mouth of the highway. She had four and a half hours ahead of her, which would be a long ride. Tabitha pulled onto the highway and picked up speed, noting sparse traffic. She relaxed into her seat, letting her gaze gloss over the blur of green foliage. Without warning, Tabitha caught a large shadow from the corner of her left eye. When she registered the black feathery form, Tabitha tensed up and slammed on the brakes as it swooped across the vehicle's hood. Quickly, she pulled the car safely off the road. She couldn't determine exactly what it was, but it was bigger than any bird she'd seen. It was a bird, right? Tabitha turned off her Jeep and grabbed the keys and cell phone. Standing before the Jeep, she looked over the grill to see if she made contact with the entity.
Bewildered, she scanned the tree line, spotting something in the distance. Sitting in the clearing of the large oak forest was an enormous black owl. It stared intently at Tabitha with bright, shiny yellow eyes. She pushed the lock button on her keys, causing the jeep to beep securely. She turned, looking across the open field, an enormous black owl perched in the upper branches of an old oak tree. Each step she took away from the road piqued her curiosity. Soon, Tabitha stood in the middle of the open field, staring intently into the eyes of the enormous owl.
The horn of a passing semi-truck blared, pulling Tabitha's attention away from the mysterious large creature. She looked back and saw that she had walked farther away from the Jeep than she had thought. She glanced back to the forest line only to see the enormous owl was deeper into the woods than before. She narrowed her vision to find the two large, bright yellow eyes staring back. Had it moved? The day's stress, care, and worry suddenly poured out of Tabitha. It was replaced by only curiosity and overbearing tranquility. She warmly smiled for the first time in months as her feet pulled her further into the woods.
Chapter 2
The tug of gravity pulls Tabitha to her senses as her body reacts, falling forward. Her arms thrust forward, bracing for impact. Water rushes around her face as she struggles to get her bearings. Quickly, Tabitha pushed herself up in the ankle-high stream she fell in. The haze slowly clears from her mind as she stares at the muddy water. The dull ache throbs up her legs. Tabitha can smell the sweat from her clothes. Her face contorted in panic as she quickly stood up in the water, looking for her cell. Thankfully, the device was still in her pocket, dry and unscathed.
"One o'clock. How can that be?" Tabitha says, slowly looking up from the screen to see the vast, dense West Virginia forest encompassing her view. She shakes her head back and forth with disbelief. A smile gently spreads across her face, with the last bit of tranquility leaving her body. How did I get out here? Her breathing becomes faster as her pulse begins to quicken. I'm in the forest. I'm all alone—just like Lisa!
"NO, NO, NO, NO! THIS FUCKING CAN'T BE HAPPENING TO ME!" Tabitha screams into the void of trees. Her eyes well up with tears as she crumbles to her knees, gripping her phone tightly to her chest. Her sobs ring out through the thick oak trees. Her breath slows a little as she regains her composure. She begins to search her mind for anything. What is the last thing I can remember? The image of the black shadow crossing her vision while driving flashes into her mind.
"Okay, I got out of the Jeep, the…then what?" Tabitha says, trying to refresh her memories. She thinks her memory is not just gone; it's a black void in her mind. Complete blackness fills her mind right after remembering locking the Jeep and then turning to see the…
"Fuck I saw something. What was it!" Tabitha says, frustrated with her mind. She knew there must be a logical reason she was out here. Officer Nichols warned her not to go looking for her sister. She wasn't stupid; she just said that as a last-ditch effort to get him to do anything. Now I'm here.
"Run!" Tabitha heard Lisa's voice in her ear. Before she could turn around, she heard a loud bellowing coming from overhead. Fear shot down her back, reminding her of the nightmares she had over the past month. She shot forward full bore as something crashed to the ground behind her. Glancing back as she ran, a black mass of feathers convulsed between the broken branches of the trees. Its slick black feathers rippled across its surface as its bones crackled and flesh tore. Its body contorted and twisted from the shape of an owl to something bigger.
"Run, Tabby! Don't let it catch you!" Tabitha pushed forward, hearing Lisa's scream beside her face. Her breath burned in her chest, and she moved past the old oak trees bent over the creek bed. Her feet slammed rapidly, splashing along the side of the creek. Another loud bellow comes from behind as the trees bend and break to the force behind her. A small opening in the rocky creek bed catches her sight from the left. She dives into the crevasses, not caring where the fathoms lead. Tabitha tumbles in the pitch black, taking scrapes and sharp jabs from the rocks as she tumbles further into the void.
She finally tumbles to a stop on the sandy, wet floor of the cave. Her body aches from the sudden burst of exhaustion. The cool water running around her body from the creek is soothing despite her bumps and bruises. Pushing herself up, she scoots out of the water. Feeling her way forward, she finds a dry spot to collect herself. Quickly pushing her hand into her pocket, she finds her phone undamaged.
The sound of footsteps pushing against the creek fills the void around Tabitha as the light steps move closer to each other up the underground creekbed. She slowly removes her cell from her pocket and then shines the camera light toward the sound. A pair of scratched and bruised pale bare legs hold up a frail form in front of her in the creek. She wears the darkness as a shroud with nothing else to clothe her. Tabitha froze, not wanting to shine the light further in the pale form before her.
"Tabby, turn your light off. You need to save your battery." Tabitha turned off the light and then rushed forward, embracing Lisa—the how or why didn't matter, only the now. The pale form hugged her tightly. Tabitha felt her cold, bare skin. The darkness couldn't hide the feeling of the marks across her back and torso.
"Lisa, I'm-"
"Hush! I don't have much time. This wasn't your fault! I'm with Mom and Dad now. You have to survive, Tabby! Listen. Wait until the sun shines through the cracks, making a trail out. Follow it down the creek until you come to the opening. You'll see a large hill you hike up for a cell signal. And remember…If you can't see it… It can't hurt you. I love you-"
Tabitha stumbled forward before catching herself. The void in front of her arms was only filled by cool air. She looked up and noticed a faint glimmer of light pushing through the ceiling. She sat down, relaxing against the limestone wall of the cave, waiting for the trail of light to form.
***
After a few hours, the light shining through the cracks of the cave ceiling was bright enough to lead Tabitha to the other side. She stepped onto the creek bed, thankful for the sun hanging lower in the sky. Scanning the sky, Tabitha saw only a few clouds. The foothills of Appalachia backdropped the forest as she scanned for the hill. Her eyes found the trail leading up the steady slope of an impressive hill. The top of the hill was bare. Part of the hill must have sheared off in a landslide, leaving the top void of trees and a jagged cliff face. Tabitha started her hike up the back of the hill. She was careful to stay under the heavy canopy of the old trees, hopefully avoiding the creature's eyes.
She did her best to quiet her mind while hiking up the trail. Come on, almost to the top, then I can call 911, she replayed repeatedly in her mind. Her adrenaline made up for the lack of food since morning. She drank some water from a clean spot in the creek. She was placing her bet on rescue rather than worrying about the water.
Leaning against one of the trees, Tabitha took out her cell and measured the signal.
"Damn it, nothing!" She swore under her breath. She listened nervously and cautiously peered her head out from the tree line. Standing at the tree line, the cell phone still had a low signal. She pushed her anxiety down with a swallow and slowly stepped forward onto the bare rock. Tabitha was now out in the open. She walked with the cell phone pointed upwards, measuring the signal. Within three feet of the cliff face, her signal bar punched up to full. Tabitha began to punch in the numbers just as a pair of large yellow eyes appeared. She felt her legs become weak, and her vision blurred as the creature snared her in its gaze.
Tabitha ducked, missing the giant owl's claws as it swooped for her. She squinted her eyes shut, momentarily breaking the hold of the infernal beast as it crashed to the ground, tumbling down the path of old trees. On her hands and knees, she tucked the dialed phone back into her pocket. She heard the creature's loud bellowing, followed by the snapping of bone and flesh ripping. It was changing its shape to finish her off.
Tabitha tried to get up, but the flash of its eyes did something to her. Her legs were numb, her stomach was in knots, and she could barely put a few thoughts together.
"If you can't see it, it can't hurt you." Tabitha heard clearly in her left ear. She quickly pushed herself into a sitting position and fumbled for the key chain in her right pocket. Pulling the long chain of keys, luck charms, and keepsakes, her father's Swiss army knife dangled at the end. She slowly opened the half-inch blade. Her body wholeheartedly rejected her plan and tried to fight her. Every internal warning system sounded as her body fought against her as she brought the blade against the corner of her left eye.
She didn't know if she could do it until the creature bellowed in her direction. With one quick motion, the half-inch blade sliced across her left eye. The world dimmed and then went black on her left side. Behind her, the beast's thundering gallop was getting closer. Tabitha plunged herself into total darkness with the last bit of her strength. Her hand gripped tightly around the bloody knife as she folded forward onto the ground. She could feel herself weeping blood. She squinted, doing her best to stem the tide of blood loss.
A large feathered paw drove into Tabitha's right side, flipping her onto her back. She lay still as the hulking creature stood over her. It remained motionless, and Tabitha was confused about why it didn't move or bite her. Then she started to giggle, just a little at first. Then, laughing madly into the creature's face as it growled back at her. She could not see it; she couldn't see anything. Her mind couldn't be eaten!
The creature roared into Tabitha's face while plunging one of its sharp claws into her shoulder. Tabitha screamed in pain, slashing the knife downward. The blade hit something soft, and she ripped the blade down, rending whatever she had hit on the abomination. A bright yellow, foul-smelling liquid gushed in a torrent over Tabitha's face. She turned to cough, having swallowed a portion of it. The creature reared back, squealing in pain. Its hind leg came down hard on Tabitha's leg, snapping her tibia. She jerked her leg up, causing the creature to tumble forward and fall over the edge of the cliff side.
Tabitha heard the creature crash below at the base of the hill. A large dead tree speared the creature through its chest. Tabitha could hear the labored whines of the creature as its cries became weak and slowed. A wave of sickness hit her as she rolled over and vomited. The foul smell drenched her. She did her best to focus, reaching into her pocket and pulling out the phone. By memory, she typed in the unlock pin. She held her breath and placed her thumb where the call button should be.
She could hear the call being made then, "911. What is your emergency?"
"Please help me! A bear has attacked me, and I can't see. I think I am on a hill."
"Ok, ma'am, stay with me! Do you know where you are located?"
"No, I'm lost. Please send help."
"It's okay. Stay with me on the phone, and I'll use the cell signal to try to find you."
"I'm on top of one of the hills. I think I am lying on a bare roc-" Tabitha slipped unconscious with the cell still tightly in her hand. Her body began to tremble and convulse.
"Ma'am! Ma'am! Stay with me. I have help on the way."
Chapter 3
A young man in military fatigues frantically compiles images and reconnaissance data from his drone feed. Confirming his hunch, he commands the winged surveillance drone to make a hard left and send a live video feed. His eyes widened as he saw a large owl-shaped shadow crash onto the top of a hill. He watches in awe as the sleek black owl twists and shifts into something much larger, like a grizzly. As the drone turns, he sees a woman at the cliff's edge trying to steady yourself on her hands and knees.
He bolts up from the command module, jotting down the drone's coordinates on one of the printouts. The drab government-issued office motif for the watch station blurs in the corner of his eye as he rushes down the hallway to the watch commander's office.
"Sir, recon has eyes on AMOS! And it's feeding!" the man said, swinging the heavy wooden door open. He took the hastily compiled file and pushed it forward to the commanding officer.
An older, tanned man quickly stands, reaching for the files. His brow furls, seeing his charge is awake. "Keep eyes on it! Go Adams!" The young man nods, turning on his heel and bolting for the drone command module. As his office door slams shut from the subordinate officer, he grabs his headset and frantically dials the closest military outpost to the coordinates.
"Hello, Sergeant Klein; this is Agent Smith of Black Watch outpost 7948! Shadow is active, code Alpha, Mike, Oscar, Sierra. The coordinates and data package have been sent. A civilian is on the ground; deploy strike-and-rescue ASAP.
"We'll be up in five, Agent Smith! The line cuts as Agent Smith closes out the call on his headset and rushes to the door. The normally quiet watch station buzzes alive, with personnel flooding the central command station. The background echoes resource allocation calls, frantic typing, and the hum of cold computers warming up.
"Adams, get our eyes back on Amos!"
"Coming back around in 30 seconds." Thirty sets of eyes stare at the three giant screens, anxiously waiting for the drone feed to clear the bank of trees. The camera clears the tre top to see the giant feathered grizzly rear back slinging its massive head away from its prey. Its large yellow right eye spews bright yellow liquid all over the red-haired woman and the cliff face. The giant feathered grizzly missteps, crushing the woman's leg and causing the creature to tumble over the cliff face.
"Fuck!" Agent Smith yells in horror as he watches AMOS fall four stories, impaling a sharp, 3-meter-tall log lodged in the boulders. The command center freezes wide-eyed at the flailing dying creature on screen. Agent Smith pulls his cell out quickly and dials.
"Klein, Scrub the current request! AMOS is down! Switch to rescue and harvest now!
"What, someone took out AMOS?"
"YES! It's at the bottom of the cliff, bleeding out essence! The woman is covered in it as well. Clean as much of it off her as possible before you take her to the ER.
"Understood!"
Agent Smith, in a rage, slings his phone straight forward, connecting with Private Adams's skull. Adams flinches at the sudden impact of the hard plastic and covers his head. Agent Smith grabs the table in front of him and flips it over, sending the computer equipment crashing to the government-issued tiled floor.
"A two-year cycle gone! All that essence is gone! Now I have to wait another 24 months for AMOS to resurrect!" Agent Smith screams, causing the rest of the staff to recoil away in fear.
"Jones!" Agent Smith says sternly, turning to a petite woman on his left. She stares at him, pleading.
"Yes Sir?'
"Get Officer Nichols on my office line. That fuck up has some explaining. He should have told us AMOS was awake."
"Right away!" Jones quickly sits back down and begins dialing Nichols, thankful she doesn't have to deal with Agent Smith further. The command center quickly shifts gears as Agent Smith returns to his office.
***
Two Weeks later…
"Tabitha… Tabitha… This is Doctor Wilhelm. Wake up." The kind older gentleman said as they gently nudged Tabitha in her hospital bed.
"Where am I?" Tabitha asked, waking from what felt like years of sleep. She sat up, the world still pitch black, but an odd sense of the world around her seemed to hum just behind her eyes.
"You're in the hospital, dear; you scared us. Do you remember anything?" He said as he sat down on the side of her bed.
Tabitha thought for a moment the last parts after she slashed her eyes were a blur. She remembers people yelling and the sound of two or three helicopters over her. " No, it's really all just a blur."
"Well, it's probably for the best. You had some very serious injuries. The first night, we honestly didn't think you would make it. Then…" The doctor trailed off with a concerned expression, not knowing how to explain things further.
Tabitha felt his pulse quicken somehow. She didn't understand it but fully felt or sensed the doctor beside her. She sensed the two other nurses standing at the end of the bed. Her body didn't hurt. She felt great. She felt hungry.
"Doctor, you said had. What happened to my injuries?" She said calmly, trying not to startle the old doctor further.
"Well, Tabitha, it's the closest thing to a miracle I've ever seen. You had violent seizures from the minute you hit the entrance of the ER. We couldn't even set your leg. The medications we gave you had a minimal effect, and you thrashed so much that we had to restrain you. Then, the early morning check-in found you in a deep sleep. All but your eyes were completely healed. So we switched gears to support care and treated your eyes the best we could." He said, watching her reaction.
Tabitha leaned back in her bed, taking in the wild account. "Do you know how I healed so quickly?"
"What happened to you is beyond all scientific reason. A miracle is the only way the staff and I can explain it. I know you have been through a lot, but I want to check your eyes."
"Thank you for all your help, Doctor Wilhelm." She said, sitting up in bed.
"You are most welcome, dear. Now I am going to unwrap your eye-dressing. Hold still, please." he said as he reached up and pulled on the bandage tape. Tabitha felt a quick tug and felt the bandages loosen from around her head. The doctor slowly unwrapped the bandages. The doctor's brow wrinkled as he examined the two large black scabs covering Tabitha's eyes.
"Tell me if this hurts at all, ok?"
"Yes, doctor." She relaxes as the doctor's gloved fingers pass over the scab. He pushes and gently tugs at the side of one, and it starts to lift. He pulls on the scab more, and Tabitha begins to sense the light as it hits her eyelid.
"Oh, I can sense the light, Doctor Wilhelm!" She said, smiling.
"Wonderful! Nurse Allen, please hand me some saline solution. I think a little water will loosen these right up. Hold still; this may feel cold," he said as he reached for the solution. She felt the cool liquid flush over the left eye, then the right. The scabs fell away with a gentle tug from the doctor. She could see the light shine through her eyelids. She grinned widely, happy to have some form of sight left.
"Please open your eyes for me," he said as he sat back on the bed. Tabitha slowly opened her eyes. The flood of light was almost too much, causing her to squint. After a few moments, she adjusted to the fluorescent lights. Three figures began to take shape in front of her. First, the distinguished older features of Doctor Wilhelm came into view quickly, followed by the brunette and blonde younger nurses standing at the end of the bed. Suddenly, her vision snapped into place, crisp and clear.
"I can see perfectly! This is amazing! Thank you, Doctor Wilhem!" she said, turning to look directly into his eyes, but he stared back at her unmovingly.
"Doctor Wilhelm?" she said as her expression became more worried. Doctor Wilhelm just sat staring, intensely focused on her eyes. His expression was overbearingly calm. She glanced at the nurses, rigidly staring back at her with trapped, calm expressions. Doctor Wilhelm began to twitch slightly. It traveled from the base of his spine out to his limbs, finally convulsing.
"Doctor Wilhelm, are you okay?" Tabitha yelled as the doctor began to have a seizure and fell on top of her bed.
"Help Him!" She screamed at the two nurses only to see both of them crumble to the tiled floor. One of them bashed her head off the bed frame. Tabitha recoils back from Doctor Wilhelm in terror as he starts foaming at the mouth. She climbs over the bed rail and hits the tiled concrete floor with a thud. Her adrenaline surges as she bolts for the door, looking for help.
At the entrance of her hospital room, she sees another nurse leaving the adjacent room. "Please, my doctor and staff need help!" As the male nurse turns to see Tabitha, he suddenly goes stiff before collapsing into a violent seizure, spilling his cart over with him.
"What's happening!" Tabitha screams, thinking something is in the air, or everyone has come down with something. A pair of security guards round the corner, hearing the screams and commotion.
"Ma'am, are yo-" The guard freezes mid-stride as he makes eye contact with Tabitha. Both men start to convulse and topple over, thrashing violently on the hard tile.
"No, no, no, no!" Tabitha yells as she darts into the women's bathroom, a few doors up the hall. She runs in, terrified of the situation. She approaches one of the sinks, bracing herself against the cool porcelain. Her stomach turns, and she dry heaves in the sink. She steadies herself while turning on the cold water. Leaning in, she takes a drink. As she looks up, a glint of two yellow eyes catches her. Tabitha stumbles backward on reflex. Then, she sees her reflection in the mirror. Two completely bright yellow eyes stare back at Tabitha. She screams at herself in the mirror, not feeling hungry anymore.
The end.
I will

I'd like to start by saying, yes I know work relationships are not often a good idea.
However, I'm (26F & single) looking to move along in the near future and Tray (30M & single) is in a completely separate department than me. We initially met when he moved back up to the area to shift to hybrid scheduling compared to online. I overheard him mention moving to help take care of family and based on the circumstance I actually relate due to having been in a similar situation with family in the past. Honestly it was one of the first things that got my attention because it showed his compassion.
Tray is in office about 5 days out of the month, which has been happening for about 10 months. In that time I've found him to obviously be attractive, but also really smart and kind. He's super chatty and very outgoing. We both went after similar careers (not necessarily where we work, but degree wise). He went to school down by my hometown and my friends actually knew of him because he was a graduated celebrity their Freshman year. Anyway, since he came back to the office, I have lost 40 lbs and have been working on myself a significant bit. I only mention this because I tend to be self conscious especially around men I have a crush on and it has made a huge improvement on this aspect.
Around February I got placed on a project that led me to contacting him to help with a piece. From there he actually recruited me for a personal project of his. I may have pulled a couple strings to get this added to my to do list right away so no one else would get assigned the project if he were to go through my team's normal channels. I really went out of my comfort zone doing this so that I would force myself to actually converse with him and not just be a wallflower destined to go unnoticed.
We have met every once in a while for his project in which it took a bit of time for us to get away from work specific talk, well me more than him. I even have been forcing myself to approach him with project related accomplishments while he is in office, pulling up a chair and showing him the progress. I'm not good at reading people and super overanalyze (I have a touch of the tism mixed with being a hopeless romantic) so this is where I need advice:
I swear when I pull up a chair he gets really close and I've been really forcing myself to maintain eye contact even though I know it makes me blush really bad. Every time I show him my progress, he complements me by saying things like "I'm so old and out of touch, it'd take me years to learn how to do that" or "that is so cool you can do that" and other things like that to which I always thank him and mention that it's all pretty new to me - he could easily learn these things. One day when I stopped to talk to him, one of my older teammates stood up like normal to join my conversation, but watched questioningly then slowly sat down (his cube was right next to Tray's) even though I had smiled at him to let him know he could join.
He has accidentally asked about the project by contacting the wrong member of our team, our names are very similar, think "Ashton" and "Ashley". What struck me is he's the only person at work who has ever apologized for doing it and followed up the next time by joking as he came in by saying "Good morning, Ashley. I won't let that happen again". I even go over and start conversations with fun life stuff and then go into the fake work question (because I can't just be friendly if I like him...my brain is broken lol). I may have read this wrong, but he seemed slightly disappointed when I brought up our project last time. Maybe that's because his piece needs done or I misread.
Today on my way to a conference room he actually turned around to say good morning and start up a conversation (normally I walk up when I want to talk and I normally have to get his attention. But he ended the conversation fairly quick too. It felt pretty normal and I'd say we have a good flow considering we both make each other laugh, but compared to long conversations he had with two of our coworkers, I wish I could get past my own walls to actually ask him about his life without feeling like I'm prying or going to get called to HR.
I have never been one of the girls who gets flirted with often and I will say I do have some rejection issues, but I have been really trying to put myself out there. But I am conventionally pretty and curvier, granted I am working on my health currently. I get a lot of compliments from elderly people on how "beautiful" I am...so I'm not some monster seeking love. I was slightly concerned that it might be a turn off considering he's into lifting, but he has such a big heart, I kind of let that negativity go. Not that it still can't be true that I'm not his cup of tea.
For advice, does any of this sound like he might be interested at all or am I hugely over analyzing and need to cut this crush off at the knees? Or if there hope for me, how do I flirt with him subtly in the office? Likewise, I am interviewing at other companies currently, if I were to move on, any advice on how to give him my number before I leave would be helpful too.
I appreciate any/all advice you can give.
Best,
Chronically Single and Crushing
P.S. so sorry if this is the wrong space, I am very new to Reddit.

I'll not bury the lede, it's Shaheen, here's why
Maintenance is up so I'll get something off my chest/open a discussion. First some background, T8 is my first serious fighter, I picked Shaheen because he seemed cool and not too many people played him and it'd force me to learn fundamentals. I've got him to Tekken God, I plan to keep playing him, I like his play style a lot. He's still the worst character in the game at mid to high level.
First some positives
Erasing white health is great and very match skewing Having a guard break (even if only in heat) is his only real knowledge check but it's a great one Has a decent slide! Not as good as some other characters but still strong GREAT power crush/heat engager WR2 is a 16-17 frame mid that's +5 on block and deals chip
Now the problems
All of his on block pressure is fake, that WR2? The only move that it'll frametrap and also reach with how far you push them (DF4 string) can be step launched to either side. The most he'll ever be otherwise is +3 and his 12 and 13 frame moves are highs. But that's not the real problem
ALL of his stance entries are punishable on block. His best is +3 from the terrible cartwheel which means you can do any 11 frame crouch punish and beat every option. That's not the REAL real problem, ALL of the entries from a low attack are punishable on HIT. D3DF and FCDF4DF? Only +4 even on counter hit, jab beats every option but 1 and crouch jab beats every option. F2,4DF (launch punishable on block by entire cast)? not a true combo, 0 on block, it's string follow up F2,4,4, Stealth 1+2, 3, and, 4 are all launch punishable on hit (you would have to duck the last hit of F2,4,4 but you can do it on reaction and there is no alternate ender) his fastest attack is a 12f high, next fastest is 15f mid so very punishable. Okay? So don't use it. Hah! It's your only high/mid to low attack.
Side note, the stance does nothing on it's own, it evades nothing and the best execution thing you can do is stance cancel to another move (generally slide) which doesn't alleviate the "You're gonnna get the tits punished off you.
Closing from neutral you've got a high and a low. SS2 (literally your only SS move so pretty heavily telegraphed) is a long reaching low that is zero on block and +3 on counter hit, not bad, leaves you in crouch state so you can do half decent things with that. UF1 is his superman chop, it's a heat engager, does chip, can be cancelled. What's not to love? Apart from being floated out of it, and it being easily steppable? You know phantom hitboxes? What about phantom miss boxes? It will frequently put your hand ALL the way through a character you nevertheless miss. It's an aerial mid though, doesn't it low crush? Sweet child, it will HIT a crouching opponent, it doesn't go airborne fast enough to dodge most lows, even if it does, nearly every low attack somehow low profiles it most of the time and give your opponent a launch. Lows crush YOU!
Last point up front, lots of talk about the stance, what's it do? Doesn't matter, block high, the low is a 20f attack that does 17 damage (unless you're VERY high level and can sneak in the slide which is extremely execution dependent) and only knocks down on counter hit. If Shaheen is in heat you're 50/50 for the guard break or DF1,2 which'll both do about the same damage and eat your white health.
This isn't just salt, or even really salt, just musing while maintenance is on and hopinf for a couple small buffs.
AMA, disagree, agree, whatever as long as you've got something to articulate I'm happy to hear it

Okay I'm gonna get a few bugbears out of the way, because I have seen some shitty takes and people here so to scare them off: Sakura is gonna be the main character, deal with it. There are gonna be LGBT characters, boo fucking hoo, cry me a river. I have ships and will ship them. And I'm going to change the magic system a bit. If these things bother you, move on. There are a million fics that are to your liking, you just need to do a bit of googling and scrolling.
My fic is my way of practicing writing action and powescaling. I do like the show but there are problems. Let's face it, Kishimoto is not the best writer and overlooked a character that he didn't mean to be central and just the "set of tits the boys can fight over" but having this character be in the same squad as them and thus in the middle of the action. And by the time he realized "oops she's technically a main character" it was too late and Sakura as a character is cursed and everyone who acts as her in anything and everything faces death threats, stalking, and other forms of harassment. The fact he never saw this shit coming shows he isn't the greatest writer. (Though I'm not either.)
Okay now with the bugbears thoroughly pointed out, let's get to the main issues I've noticed and am going to address in this fanfic but please note: I am not saying I'm a better writer than Kishimoto.
I'm in no way saying I'm better than Kishimoto. Kishimoto is a wonderful writer but he's not the best, nor is he the worst. However, I have the benefit of not having to deal with a publishing company breathing down my neck and forcing certain constrains on me. I have complete creative freedom here.
Then why am I coming here?
I want to see if there are issues that I didn't notice in the story of Naruto. Arcs not addressed, things not followed up on etc. I'm not a big brained Naruto nerd that knows everything about everything in Naruto. So I want to others to to point out things that I can avoid and tackle before I end up running head first into those holes.
What I have so far that I know and will be addressing:
1.) Sakura becomes a powerful and main character.
To address this, I'm making the story centric around Sakura, yes Naruto, Sasuke and Kakashi are there and they all are a team but Sakura isn't fully reliant on them. Sakura has her own goals and aims outside of them. For instance, she became a Shinobi because she didn't know what to do with her life. She wanted to find what it is she can do as a person and felt that being a Shinobi would be the best way to find herself and find what she wants to do and benefit her village.
Her family is still a civilian family and fully support her choice. Sakura still has a crush on Sasuke but she is more reserved about it, not constantly crying and pining about him, rather she is more of "how the hell do I even approach him about my feelings? Would he even reciprocate?" Kind of over thinker about it.
Her treatment of Naruto is more reserved to an eyeroll and your occasional Leroy Jethro Gibbs light smack on the back of the head type of girl. There may be times where she will growl at him and actually scream at him but those will be rare and situational.
Sakura will have her own Jutsu crafted on her own and be able to be on par with her peers. She will be on demon timing and will be a menace on the battlefield in the best way possible.
2.) Chakra Scaling
I'm planning on treating this the way Mana is treated in League of Legends instead of the "Chakra amount= Power" that Kishimoto uses.
To quote a certain Celestial Dragon in League, "Imagine what you can do with a bigger canvas" and "Mages are like infants trying to grasp at the machinery behind reality. At least you have a plausible excuse."
Chakra is merely a tool and the more control you have over it, the stronger the Jutsu and the less hand seals you have to use. To better explain it lets look at it using the Sanin and a few Kage.
In my fanfic the power scaling would be like this with these characters.
Tsunade is stronger than Tobirama and Hashirama and has more utility than them.
Tobirama and Hashirama are stronger than Jiraiya, Hiruzen, and Orochimaru.
Jiraiya is stronger than Hiruzen.
Hiruzen, Minato, and Orochimaru are all equal in strength.
This is the scaling. This does not mean that these characters are weak. Far from it. They do not suck at using their chakra efficiently, far from it. But it's not to the same level as Tsunade's chakra control.
To put it simply all Medical Ninja are practically Jonin without the title, but they're not Kage level. For Tsuande, she doesn't even need to think about her control over her chakra, it's not even second nature. It's like breathing to her. If Tsunade is a pro gymnast, then the others are body builders. Some will have good balance and flexibility, but it's not to her degree if that makes sense.
They each have different focuses and specialties. Hiruzen and Orochimaru for instance love to study Jutsu, but that's that. They don't have the level of control over their chakra as Tsunade and thus cannot perform Medical Ninjutsu despite knowing it exists and knowing a lot about it, they could try to brute force it but they'd end up hurting themselves or somebody else.
If they were all to use the same Jutsu, say for instance a Fire Ball Jutsu. Tsunade's fireball would be fairly big but last longer and burn hotter than the others because of her sheer precision alone.
3.) Time with the Konoha 11
The fanfic is gonna be LOOOOOONG like really long. There will be MANY chapters before we even get anywhere near the Chunin Exams. We will be meeting the other characters long before we even get there (except the Sand Siblings, they will be introduced in the Exams)
4.) Byakugan and Sharingan shenanigans
I'm still trying to navigate this. Ideas are welcome. Please. Lend me your big brains.
This what I can think of off the top of my head. If you have anything else I should look out for. Please just tell me. If you want an idea of what's going to happen.... My page is free to look at, just click on my icon. If you want an idea of my writing and how it's gonna be tackled, please look at the concept chapter entitled "Disasterology".
Thank you whomever had the balls to read all of this.
I don't do TLDRs. Suffer.

Cawthon, Scott. The Bobbiedots Conclusion: An AFK Book (Five Nights at Freddy’s: Tales from the Pizzaplex #5). Scholastic Inc, 2023. 

Like the title says, i'm (21F) in love with my best friend (22M). He is an amazing person, i've never felt so comfortable around a man ever and he's the reason i got out of "I hate all men phase". It's been pretty hard to trust male friends since I was assaulted by one of my male friends two years ago bc this guy was super obsessed with me and my looks, but I've been bsf with 22M for about a 1 1/2 and now that the school year ended I finally have time to reflect on my feelings, which happens every year since I'm so busy working I don't think about anything besides homework. This is something I've fully accepted last week.
When I have male friends a lot of them end up, being obsessed with me, try to date me or sleep with me and it's really annoying because I've been classified as a manic pixie dream girl since I've been at college. I'm not trying to brag or be a narcissist, but it's just always been like this. However this guy never has. When I became friends with this guy he had a GF, so ik he didn't like me that way or want to sleep with me,which was a breath of fresh air.
We often talk about terrible relationships we've been in as his last GF was actually insane and abusive and I had helped him get out of that relationship. So I just think it would be super weird if I ended up dating him bc that just seems idk manipulative in a way? Ik i am his type because well he's my best friend I know his type. We are together all the time. We've gone out multiple times and people think we are dating all the time, which in the past I always found super strange, but now it makes me kinda happy.
But when we were at a pizza place he was buying a homeless man a pizza and he said we were a cute couple. (I wasn't super listening I was sitting at a table on my phone) He cleared it up that we weren't but the guy was pretty persistant that one day we would end up together because of the way we look at each and smile, something along those lines, the conversation was like 3 minutes long. It was really weird in the moment. After that comment we ate a bit in silence then after we pretended like it didn't happen and I didn't ask him what the guy fully said.
Another time we were at a party and one of my friends asked if some people were dating, i said no they are just roommate. She said oh they are just together all the time I thought they were dating. I laughed and said oh me and my bsf are together all the time and we aren't dating. She laughed and said true. He had asked what I said and I told him and he brethed out a laugh then said he needed to go do something and walked away.
I think the night I realized I was in love with him was when he was walking me home from a party. i was pretty persistant that I would be fine (I could of but def shouldnt) and he said I know you can walk home fine I just want to walk home too cause we live kinda close. But it was a trick so he could walk me home and make sure I was okay and safe because there are some weirdos that walk around where we live late at night. When we got to my house we decided to continue our walk because I love a good drunk walk. I was running around petting the stray cats and walking him around my neighborhood to cool spots. He walked me back to my house because he had to go and work on a project, I hugged him goodnight said I love you he said I love you too and then closed the door and I passed out on my bed.
Im a pretty affectionate person when I'm drunk so i'm constantly saying how much I love all of my friends and he's very well aware of that so i'm sure thats how he interpreted it. I'm super surprised I didn't tell him how i truly felt.
I remember one night one of my other friends had driven me home on my 21st birthday (so i was super messed up) and he tried to sleep with me and it just leaves such an icky feeling inside, which i think is why that night my bsf walked me home from that party I finally accpeted that I liked him (he does way more than the bare minimum, but yeah this is basically the bare minimum). I knew the guy that drove me home liked me but I wanted to just hang out with people. But my ex bf came over to my house so he didn't want to hangout with me anymore.
My bsf is super aware that I hate when my male friends get crushes on me so even if he did feel the same he would never ask me out. Because I like to self sabotage and have said it in rant multiple time when i rant about my passed male friends and how I hate this part of pretty privilage because he's the only person i feel comfortable ranting about this too because he knows that it's coming from mainly a place of trauma with the guy who assaulted me two years ago.
Anyways, he's moving across the country because he just graduated. We have a plan to go to Vegas together when i have winter break on new years and he's going to come to my house so we can watch the minecraft movie together, because we love minecraft and play all the time.
I thought he started liking me a few weeks back because i can kinda tell the signs since it happens a lot but i mean his my bsf so it could just be friendship affection and I'm just not use to that with my male friends.
Anyways, I want the feelings to go away. I think now that he has moved across the country and we aren't together all the time it will go away. This other guy also kind of asked me out? I did like him and enjoyed talking to him so i think when i go back to college next semester I might persue that as a casual thing nothing serious. I'm pretty sure my feelings for my bsf will be gone by then

What Is Going On??
Hello, fair warning that this will be a bit of a long one.
I 25f have had a crush on my 31m coworker for a few years. I have worked seasonally in the summer for the same company in my hometown since I was 14. My freshman year of college, I started online classes through a local community college in January and returned to the company as a full-time temporary employee. In February I turned 19. I had never met this specific coworker before as we worked in different departments during my beginning years, he was an actual salary paid full time staff member. But now that I was doing a little bit of work in every department I met him, and saw him often. We would eat lunch together, pass eachother in the building, different things like that. We started talking at work, we'd mess with eachother, make faces at eachother when we'd see eachother, or make eye contact with eachother in different rooms, across the room, or we would sling shot rubberbands at eachother. Different high school level flirting things.
That spring we started working together more as I transitioned into his department. We started talking more, and my friend who I had worked with before told me we were flirting. I thought he was cute and had already developed a crush on him long before. So the idea that he was flirting with me, made me giddy. One Friday afternoon, we weren't working together, but I got up the nerve and asked if he would like to go to the movies that night, and he responded with yes. That was the beginning. We started hanging out pretty much every weekend that summer. We went to the drive in near us, we went mini-golfing, we went bowling. One weekend, we decided we were going to go the amusement park that was near us, because it sits on a lake, so we thought it would be fun to go and walk around the lake, and check out the shops. On the drive up to the park, we were discussing rides, and I told him that the rollercoaster at this amusement park was the first rollercoaster I had ever riden and how I love it. He told me he had never riden a rollercoaster because he's afraid of heights. As soon as we got to the park though, he walked up to the ticket window and asked for two tickets to ride the rollercoaster and when I argued with him that I wasn't going to make him ride the rollercoaster because I knew he didn't want to, he smiled at me and said "No, but you want to and that's all that matters." So we rode the rollercoaster. Also outside of hanging out every weekend, we also were texting every night.
That fall I left for my sophomore year of college. And we didn't talk. I didn't return that next summer, instead choosing to stay in my college town and work for the job I had gotten on campus, while taking a summer class. I heard from my friend though that still worked with him, that he had slightly changed after I left.
The next year, I was a junior in college and it was the summer of 2020. I had been sent home from college in March just like every other college student. When classes finished in May, I returned to work for the company. And this coworker and I stated talking again like no time had passed. We began texting again, pretty much as soon as we left work. The first week I was back the girls and I were talking about our summer bucket lists, and I said that I would love to go with a bunch of friends to the drive in with my dad's truck, throw a bunch of pillows and blankets in the bed and make it all comfy. Thursday he texted me and asked if I wanted to go to the drive in Saturday night. When I showed up at his place, he showed me that in the back of his truck he had borrowed the foam mattress from his parent's camper to put in the bed, and he had a stack of pillows and blankets in the backseat.
That summer we hungout every weekend again, and texted every night. We even had movie agreements. I had never seen Lord of the Rings, and if I watched it, he was supposed to watch High School Musical. Unfortunately, our summer ended when we both ended up with COVID. It was the weekend before my last week of work, and it was still at the time when you were supposed to quarantine for 2 weeks. So I missed my last week of work, and I missed my first week of classes for my senior year of college. We were supposed to hangout that weekend as it was my last weekend available, because the next weekend would've been move in weekend.
Instead I was spending it quarantined to my bedroom, coughing, unable to breathe, and eating tasteless food. So, I did the dumb thing by texting him and saying "I can't leave again without telling you I have feelings for you" to paraphrase. He never responded.....
May of 2021 I graduated from college. The company didn't have a salary full time position for me. So I went back as a full-time temporary worker to wait and see if a position opened, and to look around for another job. So there I was again with this coworker. We didn't talk. At all. Unless we had to, and he had turned into the biggest jerk.
That August we found out that our station was being closed down, we had until December. We were going to be merging with a different location. My salary full-time coworkers were offered to transfer to other stations, or receive severence pay. Because I was not salary, I didn't have those options. So I had to apply elsewhere on my own, but was not guaranteed a position like my coworkers. I ended up being hired at the same station as my coworker.
We now work together at this new station. We have been here together since February of 2022. In the beginning it was a bit touch and go. He would talk to me, we would mess around with each other. We acted like an old married couple I was told by our boss. Then one night, I had a panic attack, a huge one, and I couldn't get myself out of it, and I called him.... he came over. And amongst my panic and disoriented brain I confronted him, asked him about his feelings for me. He told me he only saw me as a friend, and always had. There had never been any other feelings for me. I told him his actions are confusing, like when he gets jealous when I talk to other men, when I am not paying attention to him, when he "peacocks" around others by stating random facts he knows about me.
After the panic attack, he acted like I didn't exist for a month at work. Wouldn't talk to me, wouldn't look at me, nothing. Unless he had to. Then finally, he started slowly cracking, but I was hesistant. And it's been this way since. He will open up, talk, joke around with me, but when he realizes we are getting "too close" he pulls away and the shutters snap close.
The past few weeks though, he's been messing around with me again. We were working closely together in an area. He walked away from his machine, and it quit running, so I walked over to fix it, he walked back and jokingly booty bumped me out of the way. Later that day he was standing in my way so I couldn't get past him, when I tried he blocked me. I tried to do the same to him, and even though he had plenty of time and room to walk around me he proceeded to slam into me. All this for me to say he is not normally a touchy kind of person so even this kind of stuff is weird for him. And this biggest thing is, we went literal months without texting, unless we had to for work, and now he's texting me while we are at work, in the same room, and he's texting me at night.
I don't know, what the heck does this mean?!

The last three years of my life have been pretty tough, but I really thought I had come through the other side. I (M39) decided to go back to school, as I was not very happy in my former field. It was an extremely tough thing to do, as I would be taking a pay cut for the foreseeable future. My ex-girlfriend and I had been together for almost three years at this point and owned a house together. She said she supported my decision and understood my time would become limited considerably while I was in my program. Well that was a fucking lie. Almost immediately she started complaining about me "not taking her out" like I used to, or not doing as many projects around the house. The program I was in was already anxiety-inducing enough. To cut a long story short (because this isn't event what this post is about), I came to see our relationship was transactional, developed severe anxiety, and started to suffer health-related problems like high blood pressure. By the skin of my teeth I passed my program, became licensed, but had lingering issues around everything that had gone down in that span of time.
Over the last six months I have put in a lot of work and truly felt very hopeful for my future. I saw a therapist, got on some medications, lost 20 lbs. and got into great shape. Starting this new field has been a challenge, but also rewarding in the way I was looking for. I met a girl at work which I was very hesitant about d/t setting and some lingering anxiety issues. There was common interest, and I really explained what I had gone through and where I felt like I was. We both agreed to take things VERY SLOW. Hiking, lunch, movies, very casual for the first month. We finally had our first "serious" date - a fancy late night dinner and tickets to a show. We had some wine at her house after, and after some light touching and kissing, we had the conversation of getting tested because we were very much both interested in pursuing more. She had an ex give her chlamydia and had an upcoming OB/GYN appointment and was planning and getting a full workup. I thought "Well I've only slept with two women in the past eight years and have had no issues," but knew I hadn't been tested since 2016, which had shown I was clean.
I got my results back last Friday. HSV II. I'm fucking stunned. I mean I couldn't fucking breath. Full blown panic attack. I have never had any issues with my penis at all. Never any pain urinating, nothing. All the anxiety that I had worked so hard to get rid of came back and crushed me over this last weekend. It was all I could do to to get through my 12-hour shifts. I immediately hit up both of my ex's to figure out who the hell had given me this, as there was no other way. Last ex proceeds to tell me she had been tested about six months ago when she started dating her new boyfriend. I confirm she's clean for HSV II. She proceeds to berate me for being an idiot and a near 40 year-old with a disease now. I'll admit I'm not very proud of this, but she assumed I had caught something after her and I did not tell her that that left only the possibility of my relationship before her passing this to me.
So on to the title and why I'm so devastated. I'm really racking my brain on how I could have this but never see anything wrong with my penis. Then I read something that was my 'getting struck by lightening' moment. It was a post that is very similar to mine. Guy gets tested, guy gets HSV II diagnosis, perplexed at no previous penis symptoms. But he does get pretty bad cold sores from time-to-time. His Dr informs him that it's very possibly to get HSV II on your face. Now I never thought I had a cold sore before, but I remember back in 2017 getting an infected hair follicle in the hair right below my bottom lip after shaving. I went to the Dr, he looks at it and says "Yup, looks like an infection," give me antibiotics, but it doesn't go away for about two weeks. About two years after that, same thing happens: I shave, my follicle gets infected, I get more antibiotics from the Dr, and though it's not anywhere near as bad as the first time it still takes about two weeks to heal. Then almost exactly a year ago the same thing pops about, but this time I haven't shaved. Call my Dr, gives me antibiotics without even looking at it. I start looking at HSV II outbreaks in the same area as I was getting my infected follicle. I find a few pictures that look dead-on from what mine looks like. I at least though "Well, it's on my penis, condoms exist," but I'm not exaggerating in the least when I tell you after my realization I felt like the hopeless protagonist at the end of an HP Lovecraft novel where he realizes there is indeed a fate worse than death.
I'm finally able to get ahold of my ex from back in 2016. She confirms to me that she indeed has HSV II, but didn't think to tell me because we hadn't spoken in years. "I figured if you didn't reach out then we were good." This confirms she cheated on me because we were tested together. I don't even care about that now. Now my focus shifts to the girl I'm currently dating. She knows something is up. So I just started at where we work and on the other hand she's been there for six years. She is like family to most people on the floor. I'm the annoying new guy who barely knows anyone. She has her OB/GYN appointment today and I realize I need to tell her that not only do I have HSV II, that it's on my face and there is possibility she might have it on hers' too. She is very calm about it but I can tell in her voice that she is shook. I hope to beyond all fucking hope that her test comes back all clear. I'm also legitimately contemplating put in my resignation at work, a job I just fucking started. There's no way this doesn't get out at work and I don't become ostracized. I don't know how I'm going to approach this in the future, I don't see any romance in my life anymore. And this is so fucking selfish, but if I gave this to her I am legitimately scared on how this will make ME feel. I'm scarred that that guilt will cripple me and I'll be doomed to live in constant anxiety. I don't feel any better writing this all out, in fact I feel worse. I have no idea why the fuck I'm posting this.

Link to earlier post
On March 28, 2024, Aaron Smith-Levin, the self-professed "Sitting Behind a Computer Tough Guy" posted a video called "Scientology Criminals. We are coming for you." A clip of this surfaced recently outside of Aaron's YouTube echo chamber and the responses were emotional and damning. People on this Reddit channel were outraged at what they were seeing.
It began with a cocky declaration of war. "Scientology criminals, ya' done messed up. It is time for war."
He went on: "There's a certain type of criminal who has sailed off into the sunset. Tried to lay low. Tried to play nice, to stay in Miscavige's good graces...They don't do everything they can to expose and provide testimony and evidence and cooperation to law enforcement and plaintiff teams in various lawsuits about the very real Scientology crimes that can be prosecuted and that would have a big impact in getting Scientology's tax exempt status revoked."
My ears perked up. Was he finally going to be coming clean after all this time?
I was crushed with disappointment when he then named a former Sea Org recruiter named Brandon Faust and later name-dropped a former Sea Org registrar from Flag named Hy Levy, who spoke out to the press about Scientology abuses before his death. Faust was the arch-criminal that Aaron said he was going to expose and turn into "a star of SPTV" by pressuring him and people like Faust into talking to law enforcement about all the child abuse and crimes they surely are sitting on? And he said that it was open season on any former regges, ethics officers, fund raisers, OSA staff and others who weren't speaking out.
In short, if you are an ex-Scientologist and Aaron doesn't think you're doing enough for the cause, he's going to Fair Game you on his channel until you do.
Who does this guy think he is? Talk about being drunk on his own Kool-Aid.
But after watching all that, my real burning question to Aaron is "What about your wife?"
It's time for more truth to be told because in the quotes above, Aaron is describing his own wife almost perfectly.
Heather Smith-Levin, nee Tozser, was a CMO staff member in Los Angeles, so she was in the highest-level management organisation at the PAC Base and was privy to sensitive public and staff information. During this time, Heather was told about and knew to be a fact that Danny Masterson had raped women and the Church had acted to cover it up. Of course, she did not report this to law enforcement because Scientology policy forbade it.
But that doesn’t answer why Heather then later refused to help law enforcement in the Danny Masterson police investigation. By that time, Heather was out of Scientology and married to Aaron and raising daughters of her own. Some questions that come to mind:

• Why did she have to be talked into providing information that could help the Masterson victims when they asked her for her help?
  
• Why didn't Heather want to talk publicly about her departure from Scientology? Could it have something to do with the absurd hope that even though she is married to a suppressive person, she didn't want to be seen committing a "high crime" by publicly departing Scientology? Yes, to her distorted way of thinking, that is a very likely possibility. It's not wrong to want to stay connected with family. It is horribly wrong to think you can be married to Aaron and think the church is going to turn a blind eye when it comes to you.
  
• Why did Heather also refuse to be filmed for Scientology and the Aftermath? She was married to Aaron, living in the same house while a film crew was there. But to her way of thinking, if she wasn't "public" then she would still be able to have a connection with her Scientology parents, while everyone else was being Fair Gamed and shunned by their Scientology families for speaking publicly.
  

Aaron Smith-Levin never called her out. Still hasn’t.
Such big talk about everyone else.
How about Aaron's mother? She hasn't come out even once to speak about Scientology, yet she's the one who raised a family in Scientology while working on staff at Philadelphia org, watched her boys go on staff and one of them died in connection with Scientology. Where's her statement against the Church? Where is her interview with the FBI exposing all the crimes she must know all about?
Two of the biggest ex-Scientology "criminals" Aaron knows about are his own family members. Both of them fit the descriptions I quoted from Aaron's declaration of war.
Aaron said "It's easier to cooperate than it is to keep your mouth shut." I guess he would know from intimate experience.
Maybe if this information were to get out to the SPTV community, we could look forward to seeing Aaron's family become "stars of SPTV."
While this is all bad enough, Aaron is not just some random YouTuber. He is the President of the SPTV Foundation. On their website, it reads "We're here to empower people who want to leave Scientology and those who have already left by offering support during their transition into mainstream society and beyond." I'm waiting to see when they are going to add the caveat "...so long as you agree to speak out on SPTV and take a cab ride with us to the local FBI office."
Also, how would Aaron even have the slightest idea who has gone to the FBI or given testimony or given over mountains of evidence to law enforcement? Such things are done confidentially for so many reasons. The thing I am positive of as I write this is that not one person is under any obligation to "report compliance" to Aaron Smith-Levin or his SPTV crew. I personally know of four ex-Scientologists who have given evidence and testimony to the FBI that no one on social media has ever heard of. The last person any of them are concerned about impressing is Aaron Smith-Levin.
But speaking of people who are trying to impress Aaron, isn't it interesting that Aaron's friends also get a pass from him when he should be calling them criminals?
His buddy- a newcomer to the Aaron-nettes is, Sterling Tompkins. Sterling is another one, who for years refused to speak out publicly because he didn’t want to be fair gamed by Scientology. Where's his Walk of Shame? Why doesn't he have some kind of price to pay for daring to live his life outside of Scientology but not speak out? But more importantly, now that he has started speaking out, has he admitted to anything he did while in the Sea Organisation? I'm only hearing crickets.
What about their friend, Jaime Mustard, who from the behind the scenes has been egging everyone on? No shaming of Mustard? Well, don't worry, if Aaron won't go there we'll have a future instalment about Mr. Mustard and what he's been up to.
You see, these tough talking "in your face, We-Don't-Lie-We-Multiply" so-called courageous truth tellers are guilty of everything they accuse everyone else of. They are no different than the Church they supposedly are fighting, but actually are just empowering these days. As I mentioned before, there really is no difference between SPTV and STAND League posts. Go ahead and compare the titles and content and see if you can tell them apart.
Want to know what those in SPTV Inc. are doing to others? Just listen to what they accuse everyone else of doing to them.
Word is getting out but it's going a little slow. Just like Scientology, the SPTV Inc. brand is becoming synonymous with unhinged activities and dishonesty on a level that is pathological. Just like Scientology.
And it's no wonder that the targets of SPTV remain mostly silent and just getting on with the job of fighting Scientology. Who has time to address the lunatics on YouTube when the lunatics in Scientology are still abusing real people in the real world? It would be a full time job refuting the madness and no rational person wants to spend their time doing that.
I am merely putting some facts out there for every 10 videos this group does. And I don’t make money from this undertaking - unlike the Aaron Smith-Levin pyramid scheme.
Not one of Aaron's followers commented negatively on the war declaration video, by the way. Not a single person. Apparently they're completely okay with Fair Gaming ex-Scientologists who don't meet Aaron's standards of "activism" which just goes to show how mad they have gone.
Let's compare that audience to the dozens who have spoken out at great cost over the years, showing incredible courage and integrity in the face of Fair Game campaigns the likes of which Aaron has never seen or experienced. Kind of odd, isn't it, that Aaron is so ignored by the Church of Scientology? I wonder why.
You're going to hear more from me about those who have spoken out, because they stand in such stark contrast to the blather that SPTV has become under Aaron's leadership. Let's make no mistake, he has taken control of the "anti-Scientology narrative" on social media and it has become ugly, divisive and incredibly mean-spirited, at odds with the good will and care of previous times. Let's hope this worst-possible-timeline we are in right now is a short-lived and much regretted phase of the bigger effort. Believe me, the ex-Scientology movement is not and never has been defined by what Aaron Smith-Levin thinks or does. This is all just a blip and not a very pleasant one to look at. As the truth continues to get out there about what this crew is really about, I hope people realise there is a lot more going on outside of YouTube and the real fight is out there.
More to come.

Cawthon, Scott. The Bobbiedots Conclusion: An AFK Book (Five Nights at Freddy’s: Tales from the Pizzaplex #5). Scholastic Inc, 2023. 

Chapter 5
Location: Bareth Solitude
POV: Arathan
Arathan gets lost in his mind while doing some hard riding across what used to be a lake. He enjoys his freedom to go wherever he wants in his mind. Arathan also muses on the various forms of prison. Physical, emotional, and in thought. All barriers are enemies to freedom. By all measures the ride is horrible for Arathan, but the open sky and forward movement make him feel more free than at House Dracons.
Location: outside of house Dracons prior to the opening of this chapter
POV: Arathan
Before leaving House Dracons, Arathan felt fear and shame at that fear. Sagander's luggage was checked and mostly left behind. There are no pack horses for this journey. Sagander is furious and is taking it out on the servants. Finally Sagander calls Arathan over and blames the fact that he packed two cases on the boy. He demands that Arathan make room in his own pack for several of Sagander's items. While trying to fit Sagander's weights and measures into his bedroll, Draconus arrives and asks him why he isn't ready. Draconus sees the scales that Sagander gave to Arathan, picks them up and gives them to a servant. He says we do not have time for this. Sagander glares at Arathan.
Arathan will bring two horses. One a warhorse, Hellar, and the other, Besra, a gelding more suited for the long trek. As he passes the gate out of House Dracons, he looks back and sees his 3 half-sisters. He is chilled by their appearance. Just out of the gate Sagander, who was ahead of Arathan, stops and tells Arathan to look back. He tells him that his sisters hate him and they don't expect to ever see him again. Sagander admonishes Arathan for not being ready when his father arrived and for also choosing to ride Besra the gelding instead of the charger. He says when you leave, you ride the charger. Up the road Arathan sees a path to the right that looks familiar. It's the path to the quarry where he almost drowned.
As they ride they encounter no other people. They go through what used to be a vast forest, but all of the wood had been harvested and Arathan wonders what all the wood had been used for. Sagander was now too sore to turn around and criticize Arathan, which suited him perfectly. Arathan would love if he could go unnoticed the rest of the trip and in face the rest of his life. The party reaches a resupply station at the edge of House Dracons land where food and water are waiting for them. Arathan dismounts and after a minute understands that he must lead his horses to the water. Draconus had already led his horse to water, but the rest of the party is waiting for Arathan. As he is leading Besra, the horse he had ridden all day, to the trough, Raskan silently shakes his had at him. Arathan is not sure why and thinks surely the horse he rode the whole way should drink before the warhorse. He leads Besra to drink. Arathan reaches to cup some water for himself, but Raskan stops him. Raskan tells him that he can only share water with his warhorse. Arathan tells Raskan that he will share with the horse that bore him and begins to drink. Draconus tells Raskan that Arathan's warhorse, Hellar, is now under his care as the boy does not understand his responsibility. Raskan agrees, but says that Arathan should still ride Hellar this afternoon for a time. Draconus agrees and then beckons Feren for a private word.
Raskan explains the situation to Arathan, who still wonders aloud why we shouldn't honor every beast that serves us. Raskan tells him that he should crush thoughts that go against Tiste ways. Arathan contemplates how one comes to disdain others and understands that pride must preclude disdain. "One day I will find something to be proud of, and then I will find this taste of disdain, and see if it suits me". He does not think it will. "Not every virtue must be a weapon. These thoughts are my own. I will not crush them."
POV: Rint (bordersword)
The male borderswords wonder what Draconus and Feren are speaking about, while preparing the first meal. Ville thinks he wants her for sex. Rint doesn't like that idea, but says that it is none of their business and Feren will decide for herself. Ville really doesn't like Draconus and thinks he doesn't understand honor. Rint warns him that if he keeps up with this talk he will be left behind. Rint tells Raskan and Sagander that this will be the last time the midday meal is cooked. By tradition it is a large meal that allows all involved, especially the horses, a break as the first day of a journey is often the hardest and injuries occur. Rint also says they are a few days out of Abara Delack where they can re-provision. Raskan tells him that the party will go around Abara Delack. Rint questions that this is to be a secret journey. Raskan affirms. Raskan also tells the borderswords to not keep to themselves so much as this is a very small party.
Rint rejoins the borderswords and sees that his sister has done the same. As he approaches, she shakes her head. Probably signaling to him not to ask about her meeting with Draconus. Instead he tells the borderswords they are to mingle. Ville describes Arathan as a Rabbit in a boy's skin. Galak likes that. Rint tells them to forget they ever heard it. Galak says it fits, but Feren surprises everyone by asking how he knows. Feren says she likes the fact that Arathan honored the beast that bore him. That traditions are traditions for a reason, but that sometimes we forget that reason and just continue the tradition. Rint is worried about this outburst from Feren. She has been subdued for years and he should be happy at this new turn, but he's not sure of its source. Galak announces that the meat is ready. Rint calls the others.
POV: Arathan
Feren approaches Arathan and brings him out of his reverie and tells him traditionally everyone shares meat at the first meal. She tells him she agrees with his horse decision as it was made from the heart. She is twice his age. She tells him the first taste of meat belongs to his father and the second is his. He tells her he is a bastard. She says that is his father's fault, not his and that soon he will be his own man. Arathan wonders what Draconus has that engenders loyalty to him. It is certainly not camaraderie. Perhaps it was his actions in the Forulkan war.
The meal ends and the party mounts their horses. Arathan goes to Besra, but Raskan has readied Hellar. Feren tells him that Hellar views Arathan as his protector. Arathan knows he can't protect her from anything. Feren tells him Hellar doesn't know that. Arathan asks Feren why she's being nice to him and if its because his father asked her to be. She says no. He asks if their conversation was about him. She says it's private. She gets angry and asks if they will all have to wait for him to get into his saddle. Arathan regrets his words to Feren, but still feels humiliated by his father wondering if he thinks he needs a woman to take care of him even now. He wishes his father wouldn't have asked her to be his mother. He doesn't understand why his father cares at all, given that he hasn't participated in his life up to now. Sagander tries to give him some advice about Feren. Telling him that she doesn't mean him any good and that borderswords carry lice and disease.
Sagander decides to give Arathan a lesson on weakness and desire. Sagander says that weakness does not exist with the noblest of Tiste and that's why they are upper class. Lowly workers are weak and therefore deserve to remain low class. Weakness is a choice. Arathan asks Sagander if the fact that the forest has been completely cut bare does not turn a strength into a weakness as it was surely strength and determination that cut every tree down. Sagander responds that strength is always strength and weakness is always weakness and Arathan can ask no more questions. He says that Arathan doesn't understand and this is because he is a bastard. Arathan asks if that is his father's weakness. Sagander backhands Arathan in the mouth very hard. Arathan almost falls off his horse. Hellar responds by unmounting Sagander and stomping on his leg breaking his bones. Arathan, stunned, is able to rein in Hellar. The borderswords come back to the scene. Sagander's horse is dying on ground and Sagander is screaming. His thigh is a mess of broken bone and blood is pouring everywhere.
Rint helps Arathan off of his horse and Feren comes to him, her face dark with fury. Arathan thinks her look is directed at him and that he deserves it. She tells him that Rint saw, but Arathan has no idea what she's talking about. Draconus comes back and tells them to put the horse out of its misery and to bind Sagander's leg before he bleeds out. Galak tells Draconus they will have to cut off the leg and cauterize the blood vessels. Sagander might still die. Draconus asks Rint to walk with him and relate in detail what he saw. Feren is pushing against Arathan's chest and when he finally notices she tells him to lie down and that he has a concussion. Arathan asks Feren what happened. She tells him that Hellar knocked down Sagander's horse and smashed his leg. Hellar was about to smash his head, but Arathan was able to pull her back. Arathan thinks it's his fault, but Feren says no. He is a lord's son and Sagander should never have struck him. Even if he survives Draconus may choose to kill him. Arathan tells her he said the wrong thing and it's his fault. That he will defend Sagander to his father. He tells her he was weak. Her surprised face is all he sees before he loses consciousness.
POV: Ville
Ville has slaughtered Sagander's horse and is cooking the meat. Rint returns from his talk with Draconus. Ville comments that this is a bad omen. Rint tells Ville that he and Galak are to take Sagander to Abara Delack to the monks there. Then catch up. Ville asks about Draconus's judgment, but Rint doesn't know. He may still execute him after he has healed up. Arathan is still unconscious, but Feren says it's regular sleep now and he's tossing and turning. No fever though. Feren eludes to a secret conversation between her and her brother.
POV: Raskan
Raskan makes a blood broth for Sagander that is pretty gross, but may save his life. Draconus tells Raskan he may have erred in taking away Hellar from Arathan. Horse and boy are bonded absolutely now. Draconus chalks up Sagander's idiocy to old age and bitterness. Raskan says Draconus is more forgiving that he would be. Draconus cuts him off and says he hasn't forgiven anything. Draconus tells Raskan he forgets himself, but that he speaks from the heart so he will forgive it. Raskan thinks another lord may have had him beaten, but not Draconus. "Draconus did not work that way, and he met the eye of every soldier and every servant under his care" Draconus further comments that Raskan's boots are worn out and that moccasins are better suited for the forest. Raskan says he has none. Draconus gives him an old pair of his.
Draconus then looks at the stars and tells Raskan about distant worlds and black holes. Raskan thinks this must be taught in Kharkanas, but Draconus disabuses him of this though and tells him, "Do not let the title of scholar, or poet, or lord, intimidate you overmuch. More importantly, do not delude yourself into imagining that such men and women are loftier, or somehow cleverer or purer of integrity or ideal than you or any other commoner." He continues to discuss fear and darkness.
POV: Arathan
Arathan wakes in the middle of the night to find Feren sleeping beside him. Trying to think of anything but the warm body beside him he recalls Sagander's explanation for stars. Pin holes in the fabric of night. All tiste scholars agree on this. Feren takes the lead and has sex with Arathan. He is bewildered and has no idea where his penis is going. Eventually through her instruction he lost all rational thought and just enjoyed himself. She then teaches him how to return the favor.
POV: Rint
Rint hears it all. Feren had told him that Draconus made this request, but said she was free to deny and there would be no repercussions. She said she would think about it. Rint believes it is solely for her pleasure.
POV: Sagander
Sagander wakes in terrible pain and before he can scream, he finds Draconus's hand over his mouth. Draconus demands an explanation for why he struck Arathan. Sagander argues that he was defending his lord's honor. After relaying his lesson, Draconus is proud of Arathan for seeing through Sagander's idiocy and tells Sagander that he is right, Arathan is his weakness thus this trip. For giving Draconus something to be proud about, Sagander will not be executed. Rather healed and fired. Sagander is furious. He does not consider Arathan a highborn and therefore is not subject to the prohibition against striking highborns. In fact he's struck him countless times. He thinks about challenging his fate in Kharkanas, but discards this idea. Instead he focuses now on vengeance against Arathan and Draconus.
POV: Arathan
Arathan wakes to find himself alone. Remembering the events of the previous day his feeling of shame returns. But also a feeling of ecstasy. Arathan still thinks everything is his fault and he feels sorry for Sagander who is now on his way to Abara Delack. He thinks his father is furious with him. Finding Feren near the cookfire, she hands him a plate, but says nothing to him. He thinks he did it wrong and she doesn't want anything else to do with him. Raskan hands the reins of Besra to Arathan. Arathan thinks this means he is not good enough for a warhorse, but that isn't the case. Raskan tells him his father wants to talk to him. Today he will ride by his father's side. Draconus tells him he saved Sagander's life twice. Once when he pulled Hellar back after he was concussed and then when he said he was his father's weakness.
His father tells him to stop chewing his fingers as it may in fact lead to his death when sword-fighting. For some reason Draconus mentions however that soft fingers will please women. Arathan takes this as evidence that Feren has reported the previous nights events to Draconus. Draconus then goes on to explain why he must get Arathan as far away from Kurald Galain as possible. His enemies may use Arathan. His sisters are protected by the powerful family that their mother comes from, but not Arathan. Draconus says his enemies would try to turn Arathan against him. Draconus says, "you have no cause to love me, or feel any manner of loyalty towards me" Arathan responds that he did not know love needed a cause. This ends their conversation.
POV: Rint
Rint is angry about what Draconus has made his sister do. He is also angry for the secrecy of this journey. Ignorance leads to injury. He misses Ville and Galak who are taking Sagander to Abara Delack. This leaves only his sister to talk to, which he's not sure he wouldn't get really angry when talking to her. His mood is compounded by not knowing Bareth Solitude or the Azathanai. From what he knew they were solitary people that only came among the Tiste one at a time. They weren't interested in friends. Rint would even prefer the Jaghut over the Azathanai and that's saying something. The Jaghut had turned back the Jheleck at least. The Azathanai didn't seem to care about the Jheleck raids. Perhaps because the Jheleck never attacked Azathanai, stole no children, raped no women. They just stole stuff and burned down houses. The Azathanai did not care about this. "Wealth,’ they said, ‘is a false measure. Honour cannot be hoarded. Integrity cannot adorn a room. There is no courage in gold. Only fools build a fortress of wealth. Only fools would live in it and imagine themselves safe."
Draconus had climbed a rise beyond the river. He sees someone coming and that person is expected. Feren joins Rint at the river and wonders who the visitor might be. Rint takes this opportunity to get some anger out. He tells her Arathan is about the same age as her dead son would be. He immediately knows he has injured her and apologizes, but it's too late. Feren responds that children die and mothers get over it and that it was his father's fault. Rint sees the visitor and knows him as Grizzin Farl. a huge Azathanai of some Thel Akai blood. Known as the protector and the lone warrior among the Azathanai. Mate of Kilmandaros. Grizzin calls out to Draconus asking him, "Is this how you hide from all the world?"
POV: Arathan
Arathan observes that Grizzin Farl is full of life. He makes those around him happier. He introduces himself to everyone and when he clasps Arathan's arm he comments on it being a swordweilders arm. Grizzin tells Arathan that he may be the dagger that finds Draconus's heart. Arathan says he has no ambitions. Grizzin asks if he will hide forever and Arathan says yes. Grizzin talks about darkness being used as a weapon and reveals he is on his way to Kharkanas to see. Grizzin introduces himself to Feren on one knee and flirts with her in a self-effacing manor. She tells him her name and Grizzin says that her voice tells of tragedy and loss of hope. Feren is taken aback and says he's wrong.
Grizzin has brought ale and they all get drunk. Arathan wakes up hungover and notices Grizzin is not with them anymore. He wanted to find out more about darkness as a weapon and explore how Grizzin and his father's histories interwove. The night had seemed to do much to improve the morale of the party after their rocky start. Draconus says he is sorry he didn't warn Arathan about the ale. Arathan asks why Grizzin calls him friend. Draconus says he calls everyone friend and to drop it.
Location: Now we are back to Bareth Solitude
POV: Arathan
Arathan muses on how close he is to freedom now. He thinks that he will never stab his father in the back and that no one will use him as knife. Grizzin gave Arathan one piece of information. His Mother was still alive in great grief because she still loved him. He resolves to find her and steal her away. "And we will love each other, and from that love, there will be peace."