Quotes for those that have passed away

I (20M) feel like i got pretty lucky with alot of things that men say women want. Im 6"5, im semi muscular (ill get into this one l8r), i got good hair, and half desent facial hair, i have a LOT of money for ppl my age (around 100k at 20 due to a legal suit involving a death of a close relitive), and above average sized thing (not to be crass but i think its important for what im talking about).
Now thats all great, like every alpha male guy would say thats all that matters to get women but my insecurity comes from my face. I HATE the way my face looks. Like i cant put into words how disgusting my face is. My nose is down turned and pruyrdes too far from my face, my eyes are too deep set into my skull and have these disgusting genetic under eye bags that are always shadowed, my cheeks are fat and puffy and i have a aweful jaw that shoots way too high up to early on my face, as well as one side of my face is round and 1 side is sharp. I hate seeing myself. But so much of life is just seeing yourself, i dont want photos of me, i dont want to be seen in public, i dont want to go on dates, etc all because i hate the way i look. Ive gone through soo much in my life but ive really gotten through it all, abusive parents as a kid, dead parent as a teen, all my grandparents are dead, no real connections, a disease that hospitialized me for most of highschool, and so many other struggles in my life and yet the only thing that consitantly weighs on my mind and makes me suididal is my face.
I hate it so much i cant put it into words. Ive done ALOT of reflecting on why i hate how i look because im probaly objectivly speeking barely below average or maybe even average levels of attractivness. I think it comes from bad experinces with women in the past and a sense of inadequicy caused by having abusive parents. I know i mentioned alpha male shit at thr begining of this post but im actually not into any of that bullshit at all. Im a pretty big feminist and ive always kind of prided myself on not being that cringe women hating andrew tate fan, but what im realizing is i just internilized all that hatred instead of putting it onto women.
I constantly look at myself, i check myself in every reflection to confirm im still ugly, if there isnt a mirror i take a photo or look at myself in my phones reflection. I do this because i want to know what i look like in the moment. Even when im alone i constantly check. I have over 6k selfies on my phone if just that. Sometimes i feel confident and i feel like a 8 or a 9 out of 10 and then i see myself in normal/natural lighting and i feel like a 3/10. Its so paralalyzing. I would do anything to just feel comfterable in my own skin. I miss out on so many great things because im paranoid about how i look. When i walk to the store i spend the entire time obbsesivly freaking out about my aprarejce, when i hang out with friends i try and consuously position myself in ways they see my good side or me in good lighting because i dont want them to THINK im ugly. Its so miserable i want it to be over. Im genuinly suisidal over my facial apearnece which feels so pathetic when you consider what other people are going through or even what I have experinced in the past, its wierd THIS small thing is so deteimental to my life.
I feel my body is fine but i do have a eating disorder specifically in a attempt to reduce facial fat. I do sooo much to try and inprove my aperace but at this point its just genetics. Like i have a massive skin care routine, i work out frequently, and so much more but it just doesnt help.
One of my friends told me he though i was ugly when he first met me but now he things im average and it destroyed me. Idk why he said it honeslty i think he was drunk and ment it as a compliment and for a normal person they would just move on but for me its lingered in my mind 24/7 for the last 3 months. It doesnt even matter what he thinks because im straight and its not like im trying to date him but I think becuase of the way i obssess over what others think of my apearjwce it like confirmed my already negitive thoufhrs about my apernece. I dont voice these kind of things to ppl so its not like any1 knows not to say things like that but if i did ask him not to it would honeslty make ut worse because then it would feel like he was silently judging me.
I desprutially want to be loved, i think it has to do with being phyically and emotionally abused by both my parents as a kid because i feel this deep sinkinh feeling in my chest all the time and it feeld like the only way i could fix it would be love. Sometimes i get a glimse of it, like i fall in love and we go on a few dates and then it doesnt work out but for that short few weeks it felt like everything was fine fir the first rime ever. I want to just experince basic love like hugging and spending time together with someone in a romantic sense SOO deeply and it feels like it i was more attractive maybe those dates where i was in love but it wasnt mutual would work out.
I social media stalk one girl in particular and evey new boyfriend she gets is like 500x more attractive than me and it just makes me feel hopeless but i litterally cant get over her. 2 years and the feelings never went away. Every time i think im over her i dream about her or something big happens involving her or a friend mentions her in passing and its like all these dormant feeling reawaken and i just feel so inadiqet. Like i dont even want any1 else. Its wierd and it fucking sucks.
I feel like the only real options left are get cosmetic surgery and hope that fixes everything, or die and never have to worry about it again but i genuinly think all the time about all the bad photos thsg would be used at my funeral. If i got cosmetic survery i would move to the other side of the country and start a new life and just pretend it never happened and not talk to any1 who new me from before until they A forgot what i looked like, or B enough time passed its reasonable i looked diffrent.
What should i do? Is this fixable?

I was pulling out of the Woqod at Ras Abu Aboud highway and there is a slightly long single lane that connects the fuel station to the main highway. In front of me was a limo moving at 20km/h. The speed limit for the lane is atleast 40-50 km/h. I pulled up behind him and flashed my lights but he didn’t care. After a while I honked slightly twice and he still didn’t pick up speed. By then I became furious as I was following him at 20 km/h for about 2 mins and there is no way for me to overtake him. Finally we reached the highway and I moved to the lane on my left to overtake him. As I was passing him, he came very close to me. Probably trying to scare me. So close that my front sensors started ringing.
I was pissed!!! I overtook him and moved in front of him. I was hoping that he would overtake me from the left. And he did. As he was passing me, I rolled down my window and threw a used air freshener with metal case on his car. Mind you we were picking up speed and so the object hit his bonnet at high speed and probably left a scratch on his brand new white car. I was happy now. I got my revenge.
As soon as I threw the object, I swerved into the nearest exit and sped away. Now the idiotic limo driver was angry and he too pulled into the exit and started chasing me. I knew I might get into trouble. My fast and furious instincts kicked in. I switched my car to sports mode which increases speed. I drive a Nissan Altima and the limo was a Camry. Those of you who have driven an Altima know how fast it can go. I was speeding down the exit at about 140 and reached a security gate which seemed like an entrance to a site office. There was a U turn in front of the gate. So my options were to either stop at the gate which would increase my chance of getting caught or to make that U turn at high speed and escape.
I made that U turn and I literally drifted while doing it. After that I kept looking at my rear view mirror and the limo driver was nowhere to be seen. I was happy. I sped back home.
Now I know what I did was wrong. But I have had enough of these limo drivers. There is a limit to patience. Every day I hear stories about bad driving habits by limo drivers. And this is not the first time I’m facing arrogance from limo drivers. Every time something happens I just let it go. But not this time. I did what I had to do. And it felt good.
I just wanted to share this with y’all. Let the downvotes come in.

This has been sitting with me for a loooong time, so expect a long read.
I've been married for almost 15 years and I have a son and a daughter. My wife has a difficult personality and she's always struggled to open up. In the past (way before we got married) this lead to her cheating on me and us breaking up for a while.
After that a lot of things happened and we eventually started to see each other again, we decided to give it another try and the rest is history. She's known from day one that my trust in her was broken and that it would take a lot of time and effort on her side to make it work. On my side too, to be fair. She agreed to that and for a good while it did work out.
A few years passed and we got married. And a couple of years later we had a son. I never doubted her back then, she never gave me any reason to. On top of that our son looks a lot like me and I even know for certain when he was conceived.
A few more years later things had changed. She had a new role in her job and she was away quite a lot. She also worked late several times and we barely talked to each other. We were both stressed and tired, but I felt like she wasn't making any effort to keep our relationship alive, while I kept trying to keep her engaged, talk to her, be supportive, etc. She was dismissive and cold. Then, suddenly, she was pregnant again. Don't get me wrong, we were still having sex, although not frequently, but I started to have a nagging feeling about it, especially because the timing didn't seem to make much sense.
Then the baby arrived, things got better, then worse, then better again... the main thing I noticed was that, since she was on maternity leave, she stopped stressing over work, she got away from that environment and things got better for everyone. She got back to work eventually, but not in that demanding role.
I stopped thinking about it. I stopped doubting her. I almost forgot about it.
Then I was searching for some documents on my PC and I came across some notes I wrote to her (that I kept for myself and never actually gave to her) about that period of time and all the worries and doubts that I was having back then.
Everything rushed back to me. I distinctly remember that feeling, that creeping doubt. And now, considering how my daughter looks and behaves, I'm even more worried. Not only she doesn't look much like me, she doesn't even look like her mother. And her behavior is very very different from anyone in our family. Granted: genetics are complicated. Looks and behavior don't prove anything.
I don't have the means for a DNA test and even if I did I wouldn't want to do it behind her back.
She knows I read those old notes, I've told her. We're both at work now, but I hope I'll be able to talk to her tonight... I'm not sure what to say, though.
Should I just drop the matter and try to push it out of my head? Should I pursue it and risk being wrong and damaging our relationship? But what if I'm right? I love my daughter, I wouldn't want to lose her! And I love my wife and I know we're in a good place now.. But I'm also worried that if I ignore this, it will just haunt me for a long time. And even if I did ask and she says she's 1000% sure our daughter is mine...would I believe her?
I really don't know what to do.

So ik it’s a heavy topic that a lot of people have strong feelings for on both ends, and this is a long one, I apologize in advance. So I’m 22, F, and my new bf is 25, M.
I have a lot of insecurities about myself and I fully admit that. I also have borderline personality disorder, which adds to the insecurities within a relationship. With that being said, I have been in intensive therapy for years and my bpd isn’t necessarily an issue. I’ve had issues with my weight, and finally just dropped 30 lbs.
My new bf is very sweet, I adore him, and I am fairly happy with him. But. There’s one red flag I can’t get passed no matter how hard I try.
I think he’s a sex addict. We talked about sex before we started dating and I told him due to trauma, I sometimes go through phases where I don’t want to be touched sexually. His response “Don’t get upset if you find porn on my phone.” Not the best response, but hey as long as I don’t see it, it can’t hurt me, right? Wrong. We’ve been sexually active very frequently, but as time goes on it’s definitely changed. Going from multiple times a day, to him going off the first try after 10 minutes. But he’s always making sexual comments at me, always hinting for sex, grabbing me sexually. It was off putting but not horrible till the other day. We showered together, I had a mental health moment regarding sex and I told him I sometimes feel like I’m being used for my body, to where I legitimately bawled my eyes out, which I never do in front of people. Fast forward I get up to get dressed and do my thing, he has the door shut, and I realized I forgot my socks. Go to open the door for them and I look down to look at him and see his phone, porn. Straight porn.
I felt sick, not even minutes after I bawled about my sexual trauma and how I’m feeling used, do I open the door to see a girl giving head on his phone.
He claimed it was from the other day and he accidentally left it open, but he’s always on his google so I originally didn’t believe him, now I kinda just brushed it off as a possible tab that was opened.
Fast forward again, I felt sick all day at work yesterday, and had a bad day at work. He picked me up, and got me kinda annoyed with some jokes (non sexual) that he was making towards me so I kept to myself for a bit and laid down to calm my stomach. I knew he was outside in the garage fixing up his car so I got up, walked outside; and was going to tell him I was starting to feel a bit better and wanted to just sit with him. I walk inside and he turns around, belt buckle undone, pants undone, and very visibly aroused. He claimed he went pee and never buckled it back up.
I went to go throw up inside. I was more hurt than anything. He doesn’t ever ask for pictures or videos of me, other than 2 he took before we even started dating. We can’t even have one full session anymore because he goes limp right away and claims it’s because he’s sweating.
I’ve had this uncomfortable feeling in my stomach since, and it’s making the nausea 10x worse. I close my eyes and I see him watching those videos and I don’t know why it makes me feel so awful. I have a very specific build. I’m shortish (5’5) but have very small breasts and upper body, but a larger lower body.
When im in love with someone, I can’t find other people attractive, and I’m even bisexual. The idea of porn grosses me out. My thought process is that you have a partner, why do you have to look at someone else’s videos sexually when you can easily get your partners. But that could also be the fact I have bpd as well. Lastly, as of right now, the reason I’m writing this is because he’s in the shower for work, and he thinks I’m asleep. I hear a women’s voice from inside the bathroom (his phone obv) and the more I try to understand it the more it sounds like moaning. I’m trying not to throw up or cry. I don’t understand why it bothers me so much but it does. I don’t want to seem controlling but it’s absolutely steering me away from him, to the point where when we do have sex, if he closes his eyes I immediately dry up because i just get this thought of him imagining other women.
Am I the AH for being upset over this?

“We’re a meat family,” my dad would proudly tell strangers. He’d wait for the quizzical look, then launch into detail, starting with how many freezers we had, how long we could sustain ourselves on the contents. It was just his way of starting a conversation, which made sense when you considered that raising and home-killing animals for food was, for want of a better term, his life-long hobby. His prize possession was one of those industrial-sized vacuum sealers: you could put half a pig inside and wrap it in plastic so tightly that every wrinkle and skin fold waxed unreal with shiny detail.
If we hadn’t lived in a rural area, albeit semi-urbanised, I guess it would have been pretty weird. But the mostly farming-stock locals only found his extra enthusiasm a little bit odd.
When he wasn’t being a bit embarrassing talking about it, I never really paid much heed to his hobby. I had a child’s vaguely grateful awareness that though our family went through some lean financial times, our stomachs never suffered like some of the families around us. All the beef, pork, ham and bacon in those big old chest freezers passed down from his dad really could have fed us for years.
I should preface all this by saying that I wasn’t a particularly bright kid, though neither was I dumb. I didn’t fail badly at anything in school, I just never achieved beyond a pass. I didn’t know it yet back then, still quietly dreaming about being a ballet star or a dressage champion, but mediocrity was my destiny. And I think that’s why I got on so well with my Aunt Liz.
Liz was my dad’s live-in youngest sister. She was one of those women who get described as ‘bubbly’ — not really pretty, not really smart, not a lot going on besides just being… well, all Liz. But she was salt of the earth; kind, caring, and great with kids. She was the only person who would willingly mind my two older brothers, who fought like hellcats and caused more trouble than the whole last generation of my family combined. People would privately lament to my parents that it was a shame Liz didn’t have kids of her own, but dad would just shake his head and say Liz liked it that way – that all the fun of looking after kids is being able to give them back to their parents.
I guess she was like me; nice, but mediocre. Lovely, but somehow forgettable when she wasn’t doing something for you.
But when Liz left us, I couldn’t forget her.
In hindsight, it was pretty weird timing that we had a big fortieth birthday party for Liz right before she disappeared. She was radiant that night; she’d hired a local girl to do her hair and makeup, and it was honestly the first time I’d ever seen her look pretty. She’d even worn a push-up bra under a tight red dress, which flattered her very plump curves well enough that the neighbour’s farmhand was spotted disappearing into the woolshed with her for a snog. In my dawning awareness, that gave a plain girl hope: if Aunty Liz could get a guy at forty, maybe things would turn out okay for me.
Anyway, I couldn’t forget how her pink cheeks, her eyes, her whole self, glowed that night before Liz went to bed. She said it was the best birthday ever, and that she was very much looking forward to the next stage of her life.
Would I have done anything different, if I had known? If I had realised what, exactly, that next stage was?
The week after the party, Aunt Liz said she was going on a little holiday up north, to visit some old school friends. She packed her things – she didn’t honestly have that many – and drove her little orange mini out onto the main road. And with a wave of one fleshy hand, she was gone. Nobody really thought much of it when she didn’t call, because nobody rural had cellphones back then. And Liz was, as I said, somehow kinda forgettable when she wasn’t right in front of you.
When we hadn’t had contact for six weeks, Dad tracked down the land line numbers for their old school buddies. They were surprised to hear from him — Liz had never arrived, so they had just assumed she’d cancelled her visit. No-one had thought to check. I eavesdropped on the conversation, and it sounded for all the world like *they* had forgotten about Aunt Liz, too.
From there it became a missing person case. The local cops came and talked to all of us; the farmhand who’d been seen snogging her was briefly detained, then let go, dad got grilled at length, even my hellion brothers were questioned thoroughly to see if this was one of their wild and dangerous pranks gone wrong.
But everything was a dead end. Nobody knew where Liz was, or what had happened to her.
The remains of her old mini were found halfway across the country, burned out on a beach, on a derelict stretch of ragged, rocky coastline. The police assumed murder and combed the area for remains. But even the most expert divers couldn’t conquer the incredible undertow and fast-shifting seabed of that coastline to look for evidence, so none was forthcoming.
Eventually the cops collectively shrugged and said that there was really nothing more they could do unless more information suddenly came to light. The locals knew nothing, no witnesses had come forward, and the trail was cold. As far as anyone knew, poor aunt Liz had been murdered on some desolate beach, far away from her home.
It didn’t feel fair to me. She’d once mentioned wanting her remains buried on our farm, in the graveyard plot beside grandma and grandad.
So, in my grief, I went into her room to look for something of hers to bury beside them.
Like I said, Liz didn’t have many things. Her room was pretty spartan, and her wardrobe was mostly sensible farm stuff. There was one exception: she, like me, did like to read, and she had a pretty good collection of well-thumbed books. I think it’s the escapism – even the most mediocre girl can lose herself in the plot of some trashy romance novel, imagine there’s still hope of being swept off her feet by that handsome stableboy, his inexplicable yearning for chubby plain girls.
So I set myself the task of going through the books, to find the right one to bury in the graveyard plot.
Most of them were exactly what you’d expect, but some of them were racier than I was used to. I felt various parts of my body flushing and tingling, as I read breathless prose about calloused hands touching the softest flesh of the protagonist. Okay, if I’m honest with myself, I might have got a little *too* invested in my project at that point. But that was also why I persisted going through her entire collection, until I found the ragged paperback from 1970, entitled Tawny Sands. And inside that trashy cardboard romance cover, I discovered not the tale of Tawny Sands, but some carefully hand-cut, stitched-in pages. A handwritten story in my Aunt’s rounded penmanship: Memoirs of a Long Pig.
I read her story twice in a row, utterly gripped.
Aunt Liz was no Stephen King – heck, she wasn’t even the Goosebumps guy – but her story was gripping and compelling, and I couldn’t put it down. Even if I hadn’t known her, I think that would have been true.
The gist of it was that Liz, when she was sixteen, had discovered that our family had a very long history of eating what she described as ‘Long Pork’. It’s an antipodean term, anglicised from the Pacific Islands: human meat.
Like me, young Liz still had some hopes and dreams. In one of her many failed attempts to find a special talent, she’d taken up cooking as a hobby. Naturally, with our family’s overabundance of meat, she’d scoured the freezers in the shed for ingredients: the racks of ribs and stacks of pork chops, butcher-paper wrappings all neatly labelled with the first letter of the name of the animal they came from.
She found familiar meat from Rodney, one of the pigs that had been recently slaughtered, emblazoned with an ‘R’ in her father’s strong, blocky lettering. There were cutlets labelled ‘M’ for Mary, from one of the lambs she’d hand-reared, and ‘F’ for Ferdinand, the steer they’d killed the month before. But she couldn’t explain the many, many curious parcels of meat on one side of the huge freezer, all labelled ‘J’ – at least, not until she took it all out and assembled it as well as she could on the scoured concrete floor of the killing shed. A big, frozen jigsaw puzzle without the box, her best attempt to discover what kind of beast the pieces had come from.
The animal, she quickly realised, was a Long Pig. Her own Aunt Jenny, who had died the month before – just after her fortieth birthday.
Fortunately, or perhaps not, for Liz, her father entered the shed right at that moment and realised his daughter had discovered the family secret. He sat down calmly on the lid of the freezer, and explained to her that this was a long-running family tradition, dating back to at least before his grandfather had been born.
“There are always people in life, Liz,” he’d said, “who won’t really amount to much. They want to be useful, want to be more. They strive and they strive, trying job after job, hobby after hobby, trying to hit on something they’re really good at. Something that makes them special. Those people can waste their whole lives, chasing dreams that never come true. Eventually they die unfulfilled, knowing that all their time has been wasted. That what they leave behind will fade quickly.”
His voice was oddly gentle as he leaned down and patted one of the neatly wrapped cuts of Aunt Jenny, still sitting frozen on the shed floor.
“Your Aunt Jenny was one of those people. So was my Aunt Irene.” He paused to gaze at his daughter, his next words peppered with emphasis. “But you see, my sweet Liz, they did find a purpose in life. They did find a way to be special, and they left this world utterly certain of their gift.” He stood up, stretched his back. “Let me show you.”
Liz waited while my grandad meticulously stacked the meat back into the freezer, all but one J-marked parcel that looked for all the world like a thick venison steak. He took her back to the farmhouse, and reverently unwrapped the deep red, heavily marbled meat to let it thaw. Then he laid it in the family’s ancient, cast-iron pan, basting it with butter and rosemary until a heavenly scent filled the kitchen, and Aunt Liz couldn’t stop her mouth from watering.
“Just try it. Let her show you. You’ll see exactly what I’m talking about.”
Even though she knew it was her aunt, Liz couldn’t stop herself from taking that first bite. There was something transcendent about the smell, overriding her natural revulsion that this was human meat, not one of their farm animals. For the first time, she truly realised it: we’re just another kind of animal. And weren’t her memories of Mary the lamb almost as fond as her memories of Aunt Jenny?
Liz explained then, in her curly handwriting, the explosion of taste that had assaulted her when she tried the steak. It was tender, it was succulent, it was rich beyond imagining. The fats melted on her tongue, lingering somewhere between pork and beef, but oddly neither. The flavour of the meat defied identification; something familiar, yet not.
But one thing she couldn’t deny; it was the most delicious thing she had ever eaten. Tears dripped onto her plate, mingled with the juice, the grease — not grief, but a pure, real, giddy delight.
“You’re tasting your aunt’s love for this family,” my grandad explained. “Her entire life was carefully curated, to eventually make unforgettable moments for us, just like this. This was her way of being special. This was the greatest gift she could possibly bring to our world – and because she realised that, she died with not a single regret. She knew her life had purpose. She was perfectly, completely fulfilled.”
I felt those words. I felt them lodge in my own belly, settling uncomfortably deep. I knew Aunt Liz, probably better than anyone else in the family. I’d seen how fucking happy she’d been on her fortieth, how goddamn fulfilled she was, despite apparently being a *nobody* and achieving *nothing*. Somehow, in the space of a single day, she had gone from being a forgettable background character to becoming the *main character*, immortalising herself in our family’s history with her sacrifice. Quite literally becoming part of all of us, forever.
I went to the killing shed after I finished with the book. I looked inside the freezers.
But there were no vacuum-sealed packages labelled ‘L’, no matter how deep I dug into the frozen stacks of plastic-wrapped flesh. Panicked now, not sure if I wanted to connect all the dots or unconnect them, I tried to think back over the last few months, recall any meals that had been unusually good. A few Sundays ago, we’d had a stew that really hit the spot and left me craving more. And I realised that the family had a really good night that night; my brothers behaved themselves, my parents didn’t fight, and grandma and grandad had been there. Hadn’t they looked far more… expectant than they should have?
I strained my brain, trying to recall if I’d seen the homekill bag on the kitchen bench – if I’d registered what letter it was. I knew it wasn’t an L. I would have remembered if it was an L.
And then it hit me, the memory, the connection, sizzling as if branded with a hot iron.
It had been an ‘E’.
E for Elizabeth. Not for Edward the pig.
I snorted at my own stupidity – of *course* Liz was short for Elizabeth – and as I comprehended my lack of smarts, I felt something give inside me.
I wasn’t clever, and nothing, nothing would ever make me smart. I had no big talents. I wasn’t beautiful, or even cute – and even if I had a million plastic surgeries, it still wouldn’t fulfill me. It wouldn’t be real.
I was a Liz.
I was a Jenny.
I was whoever the first aunt had been, the aunt who had dedicated her life to making her flesh as delicious as possible, who had worked every damn minute to be the best Long Pig she could ever be.
I wondered how many magical family evenings had been spent eating Aunt Jenny. How many glorious, satisfying, memorable dishes had been made out of her.
And… I wanted that. I wanted to finally know I had a *purpose* in life. One so simple, and so easy to achieve.
I wanted what Aunt Liz had.
***
It's my fortieth birthday today and I’m so fucking excited. For the last twenty-four years, I’ve dedicated myself to this moment; I’ve eaten exactly what I needed to, I’ve exercised just enough, but not too much, to maintain that perfect balance of marbling vs tenderness. I’ve relaxed and meditated to keep all those amazing flavours inside of me. I’ve researched all the greatest meats in the world, from prime Angus beef to A5 Wagyu. I really think I may have outdone myself.
I’m having my hair and makeup done at the local salon this afternoon, and I’m going to look so pretty; all prize piggy on show at the fair. I’m even going to have a big red ribbon in my hair, in memory of Aunt Liz.
Maybe there’ll be a cute boy I can snog in the wool shed, maybe there won’t – I don’t really care; because the most important, most certain thing is that I’m going to be the most delicious Long Pig in the history of our entire family.
I’m going to make everyone so damn happy, and I’m just so glad I can share my story with you all, instead of hiding it in a grubby book like poor Aunt Liz.
My only real disappointment? That you won’t get to taste me.
Reader, I have loved, loved my life. My Long Pork will be out of this world: once tasted, never, ever forgotten.

"Why Did Jesus Die on the Cross?"

The main reason Jesus died on the cross was to defeat Satan and set us free from his oppressive rule. Everything else that Jesus accomplished was to be understood as an aspect and consequence of this victory (e.g., Recapitulation, Moral Influence, etc.).
This understanding of why Jesus had to die is called the Christus Victor (Latin for “Christ is Victorious”) view of the atonement. But, what exactly was Christ victorious from, and why? To find out the answers to these questions, we have to turn to the Old Testament, as that's what the apostles would often allude to in order to properly teach their audience the message they were trying to convey (Rom. 15:4).
The OT is full of conflict between the Father (YHVH) and false gods, between YHVH and cosmic forces of chaos. The Psalms speak of this conflict between YHVH and water monsters of the deeps (an ancient image for chaos) (Psa. 29:3-4; 74:10-14; 77:16, 19; 89:9-10; 104:2-9, etc).
The liberation of Israel from Egypt wasn’t just a conflict between Pharaoh and Moses. It was really between YHVH and the false gods of Egypt.
Regardless of whether you think the aforementioned descriptions are literal or metaphorical, the reality that the Old Testament describes is that humanity lived in a “cosmic war zone.”
The Christus Victor motif is about Christ reigning victorious over wicked principalities and Satan's kingdom, and is strongly emphasized throughout the New Testament. Scripture declares that Jesus came to drive out "the prince of this world” (John 12:31), to “destroy the works of the devil” (1 John 3:8), to “destroy him that had the power of death, that is, the devil” (Heb. 2:14) and to “put all enemies under his feet” (1 Cor 15:25). Jesus came to overpower the “strong man” (Satan) who held the world in bondage and worked with his Church to plunder his "palace" (Luke 11:21-22). He came to end the reign of the cosmic “thief” who seized the world to “steal, and to kill, and to destroy” the life YHVH intended for us (John 10:10). Jesus came and died on the cross to disarm “the principalities and powers” and make a “shew of them openly [i.e., public spectacle]” by “triumphing over them in [the cross]” (Col. 2:15).
Beyond these explicit statements, there are many other passages that express the Christus Victor motif as well. For example, the first prophecy in the Bible foretells that a descendent of Eve (Jesus) would crush the head of the serpent (Gen. 3:15). The first Christian sermon ever preached proclaimed that Jesus in principle conquered all YHVH's enemies (Acts 2:32-36). And the single most frequently quoted Old Testament passage by New Testament authors is Psalm 110:1 which predicts that Christ would conquer all YHVH’s opponents. (Psalm 110 is quoted or alluded to in Matthew 22:41-45; 26:64, Mark 12:35-37; 14:62, Luke 20:41-44; 22:69, Acts 5:31; 7:55-56, Romans 8:34, 1st Corinthians 15:22-25, Ephesians 1:20, Hebrews 1:3; 1:13; 5:6, 10; 6:20; 7:11, 15, 17, 21; 8:1; 10:12-13, 1st Peter 3:22, and Revelation 3:21.) According to New Testament scholar Oscar Cullman, the frequency with which New Testament authors cite this Psalm is the greatest proof that Christ’s “victory over the angel powers stands at the very center of early Christian thought.”
Because of man's rebellion, the Messiah's coming involved a rescue mission that included a strategy for vanquishing the powers of darkness.
Since YHVH is a God of love who gives genuine “say-so” to both angels and humans, YHVH rarely accomplishes His providential plans through coercion. YHVH relies on His infinite wisdom to achieve His goals. Nowhere is YHVH's wisdom put more on display than in the manner in which He outsmarted Satan and the powers of evil, using their own evil to bring about their defeat.
Most readers probably know the famous story from ancient Greece about the Trojan Horse. To recap the story, Troy and Greece had been locked in a ten-year-long vicious war when, according to Homer and Virgil, the Greeks came up with a brilliant idea. They built an enormous wooden horse, hid soldiers inside and offered it to the Trojans as a gift, claiming they were conceding defeat and going home. The delighted Trojans accepted the gift and proceeded to celebrate by drinking themselves into a drunken stupor. When night came and the Trojan warriors were too wasted to fight, the Greeks exited the horse, unlocked the city gates to quietly let all their compatriots in, and easily conquered the city, thus winning the war.
Historians debate whether any of this actually happened. But either way, as military strategies go, it’s brilliant.
Now, there are five clues in the New Testament that suggest YHVH was using something like this Trojan Horse strategy against the powers when he sent Jesus into the world:
1) The Bible tells us that YHVH's victory over the powers of darkness was achieved by the employment of YHVH’s wisdom, and was centered on that wisdom having become reality in Jesus Christ (Rom. 16:25, 1 Cor. 2:7, Eph. 3:9-10, Col. 1:26). It also tells us that, for some reason, this Christ-centered wisdom was kept “secret and hidden” throughout the ages. It’s clear from this that YHVH's strategy was to outsmart and surprise the powers by sending Jesus.
2) While humans don’t generally know Jesus’ true identity during his ministry, demons do. They recognize Jesus as the Son of God, the Messiah, but, interestingly enough, they have no idea what he’s doing (Mark 1:24; 3:11; 5:7, Luke 8:21). Again, the wisdom of YHVH in sending Jesus was hidden from them.
3) We’re told that, while humans certainly share in the responsibility for the crucifixion, Satan and the powers were working behind the scenes to bring it about (John 13:27 cf. 1 Cor. 2:6-8). These forces of evil helped orchestrate the crucifixion.
4) We’re taught that if the “princes of this world [age]” had understood the secret wisdom of YHVH, “they would not have crucified the Lord of glory” (1 Cor 2:8 cf. vss 6-7). Apparently, Satan and the powers regretted orchestrating Christ’s crucifixion once they learned of the wisdom of YHVH that was behind it.
5) Finally, we can begin to understand why the powers came to regret crucifying “the Lord of glory” when we read that it was by means of the crucifixion that the “handwriting of ordinances that was against us, which was contrary to us [i.e., the charge of our legal indebtedness]” was “[taken] out of the way [i.e., canceled]” as the powers were disarmed. In this way Christ “triumph[ed] over” the powers by "his cross” and even “made a shew of them openly” (Col. 2:14-15). Through Christ’s death and resurrection YHVH's enemies were vanquished and placed under his Messiah's feet, and ultimately His own in the end (1 Cor. 15:23-28).
Putting these five clues together, we can discern YHVH's Trojan Horse strategy in sending Jesus.
The powers couldn’t discern why Jesus came because YHVH's wisdom was hidden from them. YHVH's wisdom was motivated by unfathomable love, and since Satan and the other powers were evil, they lacked the capacity to understand it. Their evil hearts prevented them from suspecting what YHVH was up to.
What the powers did understand was that Jesus was mortal. This meant he was killable. Lacking the capacity to understand that this was the means by which YHVH would ultimately bring about the defeat of death (and thus, pave the road for the resurrection itself), they never suspected that making Jesus vulnerable to their evil might actually be part of YHVH's infinitely wise plan.
And so they took the bait (or "ransom"; Matt. 20:28, Mark 10:45, 1 Tim. 2:5-6). Utilizing Judas and other willing human agents, the powers played right into YHVH’s secret plan and orchestrated the crucifixion of the Messiah (Acts 2:22-23; 4:28). YHVH thus brilliantly used the self-inflicted incapacity of evil to understand love against itself. And, like light dispelling darkness, the unfathomably beautiful act of YHVH's love in sending the willing Messiah as a "ransom" to these blood-thirsty powers defeated them. The whole creation was in principle freed and reconciled to YHVH, while everything written against us humans was nailed to the cross, thus robbing the powers of the only legal claim they had on us. They were “spoiled [i.e., disempowered]” (Col. 2:14-15).
As happened to the Trojans in accepting the gift from the Greeks, in seizing on Christ’s vulnerability and orchestrating his crucifixion, the powers unwittingly cooperated with YHVH to unleash the one power in the world that dispels all evil and sets captives free. It’s the power of self-sacrificial love.

Why Penal Substitution Is Unbiblical

For the sake of keeping this already lengthy post as short as possible I'm not going to spend too much time on why exactly PSA (Penal Substitutionary Atonement) is inconsistent with Scripture, but I'll go ahead and point out the main reasons why I believe this is so, and let the reader look further into this subject by themselves, being that there are many resources out there which have devoted much more time than I ever could here in supporting this premise.

"Purge out therefore the old leaven, that ye may be a new lump, as ye are unleavened. For even Christ our passover is sacrificed for us:"-1 Corinthians 5:7

The Passover is one of the two most prominent images in the New Testament given as a comparison to Christ's atonement and what it accomplished, (the other most common image being the Day of Atonement sacrifice).
In the Passover, the blood of the lamb on the door posts of the Hebrews in the book of Exodus was meant to mark out those who were YHVH's, not be a symbol of PSA, as the lamb itself was not being punished by God in place of the Hebrews, but rather the kingdom of Egypt (and thus, allegorically speaking, the kingdom of darkness which opposed YHVH) was what was being judged and punished, because those who were not "covered" by the blood of the lamb could be easily identified as not part of God's kingdom/covenant and liberated people.
Looking at the Day of Atonement sacrifice (which, again, Christ's death is repeatedly compared to throughout the New Testament), this ritual required a ram, a bull, and two goats (Lev. 16:3-5). The ram was for a burnt offering intended to please God (Lev. 16:3-4). The bull served as a sin offering for Aaron, the high priest, and his family. In this case, the sin offering restored the priest to ritual purity, allowing him to occupy sacred space and be near YHVH’s presence. Two goats taken from "the congregation” were needed for the single sin offering for the people (Lev. 16:5). So why two goats?
The high priest would cast lots over the two goats, with one chosen as a sacrifice “for the Lord” (Lev. 16:8). The blood of that goat would purify the people. The second goat was not sacrificed or designated “for the Lord.” On the contrary, this goat—the one that symbolically carried the sins away from the camp of Israel into the wilderness—was “for Azazel” (Lev. 16:8-10).
What—or who—is Azazel?
The Hebrew term azazel (עזאזל) occurs four times in Leviticus 16 but nowhere else in most people's canon of the Bible, (and I say "most people's canon," because some people do include 1 Enoch in their canon of Scripture, which of course goes into great detail about this "Azazel" figure). Many translations prefer to translate the term as a phrase, “the goat that goes away,” which is the same idea conveyed in the King James Version’s “scapegoat.” Other translations treat the word as a name: Azazel. The “scapegoat” option is possible, but since the phrase “for Azazel” parallels the phrase “for YHVH” (“for the Lord”), the wording suggests that two divine figures are being contrasted by the two goats.
A strong case can be made for translating the term as the name Azazel. Ancient Jewish texts show that Azazel was understood as a demonic figure associated with the wilderness. The Mishnah (ca. AD 200; Yoma 6:6) records that the goat for Azazel was led to a cliff and pushed over, ensuring it would not return with its death. This association of the wilderness with evil is also evident in the New Testament, as this was where Jesus met the devil (Matt. 4:1). Also, in Leviticus 17:1-7 we learn that some Israelites had been accustomed to sacrificing offerings to "devils" (alternatively translated as “goat demons”). The Day of Atonement replaced this illegitimate practice.
The second goat was not sent into the wilderness as a sacrifice to a foreign god or demon. The act of sending the live goat out into the wilderness, which was unholy ground, was to send the sins of the people where they belonged—to the demonic domain. With one goat sacrificed to bring purification and access to YHVH and one goat sent to carry the people’s sins to the demonic domain, this annual ritual reinforced the identity of the true God and His mercy and holiness.
When Jesus died on the cross for all of humanity’s sins, he was crucified outside the city, paralleling the sins of the people being cast to the wilderness via the goat to Azazel. Jesus died once for all sinners, negating the need for this ritual.
As previously stated, the goat which had all the sin put on it was sent alive off to the wilderness, while the blood of the goat which was blameless was used to purify the temple and the people. Penal substitution would necessitate the killing of the goat which had the sin put on it.
Mind you, this is the only sacrificial ritual of any kind in the Torah in which sins are placed on an animal. The only time it happens is this, and that animal is not sacrificed. Most PSA proponents unwittingly point to this ritual as evidence of their view, despite it actually serving as evidence to the contrary, because most people don't read their Old Testament and don't familiarize themselves with the "boring parts" like Leviticus (when it's actually rather important to do so, since that book explains how exactly animal offerings were to be carried out and why they were done in the first place).
In the New Testament, Christ's blood was not only meant to mark out those who were his, but also expel the presence of sin and ritual uncleanness so as to make the presence of YHVH manifest in the believer's life. Notice how God's wrath isn't poured out on Christ in our stead on this view, but rather His wrath was poured out on those who weren't covered, and the presence of sin and evil were merely removed by that which is pure and blameless (Christ's blood) for the believer.
All this is the difference between expiation and propitiation.

The Content of Paul's Gospel Message

When the New Testament writers talked about “the gospel,” they referred not to the Protestant doctrine of justification sola fide–the proposition that if we will stop trying to win God’s favor and only just believe that God has exchanged our sin for Christ’s perfect righteousness, then in God’s eyes we will have the perfect righteousness required both for salvation and for assuaging our guilty consciences–but rather they referred to the simple but explosive proposition Kyrios Christos, “Christ is Lord.” That is to say, the gospel was, properly speaking, the royal announcement that Jesus of Nazareth was the God of Israel’s promised Messiah, the King of kings and Lord of lords.
The New Testament writers were not writing in a cultural or linguistic vacuum and their language of euangelion (good news) and euangelizomai would have been understood by their audience in fairly specific ways. Namely, in the Greco-Roman world for which the New Testament authors wrote, euangelion/euangelizomai language typically had to do with either A) the announcement of the accession of a ruler, or B) the announcement of a victory in battle, and would probably have been understood along those lines.
Let’s take the announcements of a new ruler first. The classic example of such a language is the Priene Calendar Inscription, dating to circa 9 BC, which celebrates the rule (and birthday) of Caesar Augustus as follows:
"It was seeming to the Greeks in Asia, in the opinion of the high priest Apollonius of Menophilus Azanitus: Since Providence, which has ordered all things of our life and is very much interested in our life, has ordered things in sending Augustus, whom she filled with virtue for the benefit of men, sending him as a savior [soter] both for us and for those after us, him who would end war and order all things, and since Caesar by his appearance [epiphanein] surpassed the hopes of all those who received the good tidings [euangelia], not only those who were benefactors before him, but even the hope among those who will be left afterward, and the birthday of the god [he genethlios tou theou] was for the world the beginning of the good tidings [euangelion] through him; and Asia resolved it in Smyrna."
The association of the term euangelion with the announcement of Augustus’ rule is clear enough and is typical of how this language is used elsewhere. To give another example, Josephus records that at the news of the accession of the new emperor Vespasian (69 AD) “every city kept festival for the good news (euangelia) and offered sacrifices on his behalf.” (The Jewish War, IV.618). Finally, a papyrus dating to ca. 498 AD begins:
"Since I have become aware of the good news (euangeliou) about the proclamation as Caesar (of Gaius Julius Verus Maximus Augustus)…"
This usage occurs also in the Septuagint, the Greek translations of the Jewish Scriptures. For instance LXX Isaiah 52:7 reads, “How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him who brings good news (euangelizomenou), who publishes peace, who brings good news (euangelizomenos) of salvation, who says to Zion, ‘Your God reigns.'" Similarly, LXX Isaiah 40:9-10 reads:

"…Go up on a high mountain, you who bring good tidings (ho euangelizomenos) to Sion; lift up your voice with strength, you who bring good tidings (ho euangelizomenos); lift it up, do not fear; say to the cities of Ioudas, “See your God!” Behold, the Lord comes with strength, and his arm with authority (kyrieias)…."-NETS, Esaias 40:9-10

This consistent close connection between euangelion/euangelizomai language and announcements of rule strongly suggests that many of the initial hearers/readers of the early Christians’ evangelical language would likely have understood that language as the announcement of a new ruler (see, e.g., Acts 17:7), and, unless there is strong NT evidence to the contrary, we should presume that the NT writers probably intended their language to be so understood.
However, the other main way in which euangelion/euangelizomai language was used in the Greco-Roman world was with reference to battle reports, announcements of victory in war. A classic example of this sort of usage can be found in LXX 2 Samuel 18:19ff, where David receives word that his traitorous son, Absalom, has been defeated in battle. Euangelion/euangelizomai is used throughout the passage for the communications from the front.
As already shown throughout this post, the NT speaks of Jesus’s death and resurrection as a great victory over the powers that existed at that time and, most importantly, over death itself. Jesus’ conquest of the principalities and powers was the establishment of his rule and comprehensive authority over heaven and earth, that is, of his Lordship over all things (again, at that time).
This was the content of Paul's gospel message...

Justification, and the "New" Perspective on Paul

The following quotation is from The Gospel Coalition, and I believe it to be a decently accurate summary of the NPP (New Perspective on Paul), despite it being from a source which is in opposition to it:

The New Perspective on Paul, a major scholarly shift that began in the 1980s, argues that the Jewish context of the New Testament has been wrongly understood and that this misunderstand[ing] has led to errors in the traditional-Protestant understanding of justification. According to the New Perspective, the Jewish systems of salvation were not based on works-righteousness but rather on covenantal nomism, the belief that one enters the people of God by grace and stays in through obedience to the covenant. This means that Paul could not have been referring to works-righteousness by his phrase “works of the law”; instead, he was referring to Jewish boundary markers that made clear who was or was not within the people of God. For the New Perspective, this is the issue that Paul opposes in the NT. Thus, justification takes on two aspects for the New Perspective rather than one; initial justification is by faith (grace) and recognizes covenant status (ecclesiology), while final justification is partially by works, albeit works produced by the Spirit.

I believe what's called the "new perspective" is actually rather old, and that the Reformers' view of Paul is what is truly new, being that the Lutheran understanding of Paul is simply not Biblical.
The Reformation perspective understands Paul to be arguing against a legalistic Jewish culture that seeks to earn their salvation through works. However, supporters of the NPP argue that Paul has been misread. We contend he was actually combating Jews who were boasting because they were God's people, the "elect" or the "chosen ones." Their "works," so to speak, were done to show they were God's covenant people and not to earn their salvation.
The key questions involve Paul’s view(s) of the law and the meaning of the controversy in which Paul was engaged. Paul strongly argued that we are “justified by the faith of Christ, and not by the works of the law” (Gal. 2:16b). Since the time of Martin Luther, this has been understood as an indictment of legalistic efforts to merit favor before God. Judaism was cast in the role of the medieval "church," and so Paul’s protests became very Lutheran, with traditional-Protestant theology reinforced in all its particulars (along with its limitations) as a result. In hermeneutical terms, then, the historical context of Paul’s debate will answer the questions we have about what exactly the apostle meant by the phrase "works of the law," along with other phrases often used as support by the Reformers for their doctrine of Sola Fide (justification by faith alone), like when Paul mentions "the righteousness of God."
Obviously an in-depth analysis of the Pauline corpus and its place in the context of first-century Judaism would take us far beyond the scope of this brief post. We can, however, quickly survey the topography of Paul’s thought in context, particularly as it has emerged through the efforts of recent scholarship, and note some salient points which may be used as the basis of a refurbished soteriology.
[Note: The more popular scholars associated with the NPP are E.P. Sanders, James Dunn, and N.T. Wright. Dunn was the first to coin the term "The New Perspective" in a 1983 Manson Memorial Lecture, The New Perspective on Paul and the Law.]
Varying authors since the early 1900's have brought up the charge that Paul was misread by those in the tradition of Martin Luther and other Protestant Reformers. Yet, it wasn't until E.P. Sanders' 1977 book, Paul and Palestinian Judaism, that scholars began to pay much attention to the issue. In his book, Sanders argues that the Judaism of Paul's day has been wrongly criticized as a religion of "works-salvation" by those in the Protestant tradition.
A fundamental premise in the NPP is that Judaism was actually a religion of grace. Sander's puts it clearly:
"On the point at which many have found the decisive contrast between Paul and Judaism - grace and works - Paul is in agreement with Palestinian Judaism... Salvation is by grace but judgment is according to works'...God saves by grace, but... within the framework established by grace he rewards good deeds and punishes transgression." (Paul and Palestinian Judaism, p. 543)
N.T. Wright adds that, "we have misjudged early Judaism, especially Pharisaism, if we have thought of it as an early version of Pelagianism," (Wright, What Saint Paul Really Said, p. 32).
Sanders has coined a now well-known phrase to describe the character of first-century Palestinian Judaism: “covenantal nomism.” The meaning of “covenantal nomism” is that human obedience is not construed as the means of entering into God’s covenant. That cannot be earned; inclusion within the covenant body is by the grace of God. Rather, obedience is the means of maintaining one’s status within the covenant. And with its emphasis on divine grace and forgiveness, Judaism was never a religion of legalism.
If covenantal nomism was operating as the primary category under which Jews understood the Law, then when Jews spoke of obeying commandments, or when they required strict obedience of themselves and fellow Jews, it was because they were "keeping the covenant," rather than out of legalism.
More recently, N.T. Wright has made a significant contribution in his little book, What Saint Paul Really Said. Wright’s focus is the gospel and the doctrine of justification. With incisive clarity he demonstrates that the core of Paul’s gospel was not justification by faith, but the death and resurrection of Christ and his exaltation as Lord. The proclamation of the gospel was the proclamation of Jesus as Lord, the Messiah who fulfilled Israel’s expectations. Romans 1:3-4, not 1:16-17, is the gospel, contrary to traditional thinking. Justification is not the center of Paul’s thought, but an outworking of it:
"[T]he doctrine of justification by faith is not what Paul means by ‘the gospel’. It is implied by the gospel; when the gospel is proclaimed, people come to faith and so are regarded by God as members of his people. But ‘the gospel’ is not an account of how people get saved. It is, as we saw in an earlier chapter, the proclamation of the lordship of Jesus Christ….Let us be quite clear. ‘The gospel’ is the announcement of Jesus’ lordship, which works with power to bring people into the family of Abraham, now redefined around Jesus Christ and characterized solely by faith in him. ‘Justification’ is the doctrine which insists that all those who have this faith belong as full members of this family, on this basis and no other." (pp. 132, 133)
Wright brings us to this point by showing what “justification” would have meant in Paul’s Jewish context, bound up as it was in law-court terminology, eschatology, and God’s faithfulness to God’s covenant.
Specifically, Wright explodes the myth that the pre-Christian Saul was a pious, proto-Pelagian moralist seeking to earn his individual passage into heaven. Wright capitalizes on Paul’s autobiographical confessions to paint rather a picture of a zealous Jewish nationalist whose driving concern was to cleanse Israel of Gentiles as well as Jews who had lax attitudes toward the Torah. Running the risk of anachronism, Wright points to a contemporary version of the pre-Christian Saul: Yigal Amir, the zealous Torah-loyal Jew who assassinated Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin for exchanging Israel’s land for peace. Wright writes:
"Jews like Saul of Tarsus were not interested in an abstract, ahistorical system of salvation... They were interested in the salvation which, they believed, the one true God had promised to his people Israel." (pp. 32, 33)
Wright maintains that as a Christian, Paul continued to challenge paganism by taking the moral high ground of the creational monotheist. The doctrine of justification was not what Paul preached to the Gentiles as the main thrust of his gospel message; it was rather “the thing his converts most needed to know in order to be assured that they really were part of God’s people” after they had responded to the gospel message.
Even while taking the gospel to the Gentiles, however, Paul continued to criticize Judaism “from within” even as he had as a zealous Pharisee. But whereas his mission before was to root out those with lax attitudes toward the Torah, now his mission was to demonstrate that God’s covenant faithfulness (righteousness) has already been revealed in Jesus Christ.
At this point Wright carefully documents Paul’s use of the controversial phrase “God’s righteousness” and draws out the implications of his meaning against the background of a Jewish concept of justification. The righteousness of God and the righteousness of the party who is “justified” cannot be confused because the term bears different connotations for the judge than for the plaintiff or defendant. The judge is “righteous” if his or her judgment is fair and impartial; the plaintiff or defendant is “righteous” if the judge rules in his or her favor. Hence:
"If we use the language of the law court, it makes no sense whatsoever to say that the judge imputes, imparts, bequeaths, conveys or otherwise transfers his righteousness to either the plaintiff or the defendant. Righteousness is not an object, a substance or a gas which can be passed across the courtroom. For the judge to be righteous does not mean that the court has found in his favor. For the plaintiff or defendant to be righteous does not mean that he or she has tried the case properly or impartially. To imagine the defendant somehow receiving the judge’s righteousness is simply a category mistake. That is not how the language works." (p. 98)
However, Wright makes the important observation that even with the forensic metaphor, Paul’s theology is not so much about the courtroom as it is about God’s love.
Righteousness is not an impersonal, abstract standard, a measuring-stick or a balancing scale. That was, and still is, a Greek view. Righteousness, Biblically speaking, grows out of covenant relationship. We forgive because we have been forgiven (Matt. 18:21-35); “we love" because God “first loved us” (1 John 4:19). Love is the fulfillment of the law (Rom. 13:8, 10, Gal 5:14, Jam. 2:8). Paul even looked forward to a day when “we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad” (2 Cor. 5:10), and he acknowledged that his clear conscience did not necessarily ensure this verdict (1 Cor. 4:4), but he was confident nevertheless. Paul did in fact testify of his clear conscience: “For our rejoicing is this, the testimony of our conscience, that in simplicity and godly sincerity, not with fleshly wisdom, but by the grace of God, we have had our conversation [i.e., behavior] in the world, and more abundantly to you-ward” (2 Cor. 1:12). He was aware that he had not yet “attained” (Phil. 3:12-14), that he still struggled with the flesh, yet he was confident of the value of his performance (1 Cor. 9:27). These are hardly the convictions of someone who intends to rest entirely on the merits of an alien righteousness imputed to his or her account.
Wright went on to flesh out the doctrine of justification in Galatians, Philippians, and Romans. The “works of the law” are not proto-Pelagian efforts to earn salvation, but rather “sabbath [keeping], food-laws, circumcision” (p. 132). Considering the controversy in Galatia, Wright writes:
"Despite a long tradition to the contrary, the problem Paul addresses in Galatians is not the question of how precisely someone becomes a Christian, or attains to a relationship with God….The problem he addresses is: should his ex-pagan converts be circumcised or not? Now this question is by no means obviously to do with the questions faced by Augustine and Pelagius, or by Luther and Erasmus. On anyone’s reading, but especially within its first-century context, it has to do quite obviously with the question of how you define the people of God: are they to be defined by the badges of Jewish race, or in some other way? Circumcision is not a ‘moral’ issue; it does not have to do with moral effort, or earning salvation by good deeds. Nor can we simply treat it as a religious ritual, then designate all religious ritual as crypto-Pelagian good works, and so smuggle Pelagius into Galatia as the arch-opponent after all. First-century thought, both Jewish and Christian, simply doesn’t work like that…. [T]he polemic against the Torah in Galatians simply will not work if we ‘translate’ it into polemic either against straightforward self-help moralism or against the more subtle snare of ‘legalism’, as some have suggested. The passages about the law only work — and by ‘work’ I mean they will only make full sense in their contexts, which is what counts in the last analysis — when we take them as references to the Jewish law, the Torah, seen as the national charter of the Jewish race." (pp. 120-122)
The debate about justification, then, “wasn’t so much about soteriology as about ecclesiology; not so much about salvation as about the church.” (p. 119)
To summarize the theology of Paul in his epistles, the apostle mainly spent time arguing to those whom he were sending letters that salvation in Christ was available to all men without distinction. Jews and Gentiles alike may accept the free gift; it was not limited to any one group. Paul was vehement about this, especially in his letter to the Romans. As such, I will finish this post off by summarizing the letter itself, so as to provide Biblical support for the premises of the NPP and for what the scholars I referenced have thus far argued.
After his introduction in the epistle to an already believing and mostly Gentile audience (who would've already been familiar with the gospel proclaimed in verses 3-4), Paul makes a thematic statement in 1:16: “For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth; to the Jew first, and also to the Greek.” This statement is just one of many key statements littered throughout the book of Romans that give us proper understanding of the point Paul wished to make to the interlocutors of his day, namely, salvation is available to all, whether Jew or Gentile.
In 1:16 Paul sets out a basic theme of his message in the letter to the Romans. All who believed, whether they be Jew or Gentile, were saved by the power of the gospel. The universal nature of salvation was explicitly stated. The gospel saved all without distinction, whether Jew or Greek; salvation was through the gospel of Jesus Christ. Immediately after this thematic declaration, Paul undertakes to show the universal nature of sin and guilt. In 1:18-32 Paul shows how the Gentile is guilty before God. Despite evidence of God and his attributes, which is readily available to all, they have failed to honor YHVH as God and have exchanged His glory for idolatrous worship and self-promotion. As a consequence, God handed them over in judgment (1:18-32). Paul moves to denunciation of those who would judge others while themselves being guilty of the very same offenses (2:1-5) and argues that all will be judged according to their deeds (2:6). This judgment applies to all, namely, Jew and Greek (2:9-10). This section serves as somewhat of a transition in Paul’s argument. He has highlighted the guilt of the Gentiles (1:18ff) and will shortly outline the guilt of the Jew (2:17-24). The universal statement of 2:1-11 sets the stage for Paul’s rebuke of Jewish presumption. It was not possession of the Law which delivered; it was faithful obedience. It is better to have no Law and yet to obey the essence of the Law (2:12-16) than to have the Law and not obey (2:17-3:4). Paul then defends the justice of God’s judgment (3:5-8), which leads to the conclusion that all (Jew and Gentile) are guilty before God (3:9).
Paul argues that it was a mistaken notion to think that salvation was the prerogative of the Jew only. This presumption is wrong for two reasons. First, it leads to the mistaken assumption that only Jews were eligible for this vindication (Paul deals with this misunderstanding in chapter 4 where he demonstrates that Abraham was justified by faith independently of the Law and is therefore the father of all who believe, Jew and Gentile alike). Second, it leads to the equally mistaken conclusion that all who were Jews are guaranteed of vindication. Paul demonstrates how this perspective, which would call God’s integrity into question since Paul was assuming many Jews would not experience this vindication, was misguided. He did this by demonstrating that it was never the case that all physical descendants of Israel (Jacob) were likewise recipients of the promise. In the past (9:6-33) as in the present (at that time; 11:1-10), only a remnant was preserved and only a remnant would experience vindication. Paul also argued that the unbelief of national Israel (the non-remnant) had the purpose of extending the compass of salvation. The unbelief of one group made the universal scope of the gospel possible. This universalism was itself intended to bring about the vindication of the unbelieving group (11:11-16). As a result of faith, all (Jew and Gentile) could be branches of the olive tree (11:17-24). Since faith in Christ was necessary to remain grafted into the tree, no one could boast of his position. All, Jew and Gentile alike, were dependent upon the mercy and grace of God. As a result of God’s mysterious plan, He would bring about the vindication of His people (11:25-27). [Note: It is this author's belief that this vindication occurred around 66-70 AD, with the Parousia of Christ's Church; this author is Full-Preterist in their Eschatology.]

Twice this week I drank wayyyy too much alcohol. 5 days ago it was a hard soda then a four loko, horrible 2 day hangover and that night was awful... Last night I had a roughly estimated 10 total shots of whiskey and rum, then two additional shots just to try out whiskey i have not tried before. I felt fine after the first 5 ish shots (waited 10 mins after last sip, not even tipsy), then had 5 shots of rum and the remaining two new-to-me whiskey shots. I felt okay, just tipsy 30 mins after the last sip. Within an hour I became horrifically drunk as all the alcohol finally built up...
I had a complete inability to think, focus, look straight, sit, walk, or crawl, and blinking gave me an instant headspin. I was so tired, no energy, not tired enough to pass out but I apparently had slight trouble breathing at some point. While crawling was an impossible task, I dragged myself over to my bed and rolled onto it. Using purely muscle memory I fired up my Xbox and opened YouTube. Focusing was obviously not something I was able to do, I selected whatever videos I wanted to see and just listened with my eyes mostly stuck to the ceiling. Having the audio playing was nice, since a complete lack of controllable stimulation would bore me out of my mind which is worsened when I am drunk. Due to headspins, which is when your vision and balance is swirling around (can be worsened with eyes shut), I could not sleep for 4 hours especially from how sick my body felt. I didn't have the best quality sleep but I slept for 9 and a half hours. The hangover was not as excruciating as what the Four Loko did to me, but I had digestive problems and a lack of appetite for most of the day.
IT IS NOT WORTH GETTING ANYWHERE NEAR BLACKOUT DRUNK! I cannot understand how people even want to be that drunk, I have no fun in not being able to do anything. I like being relaxed or moderately tipsy at most. Hangovers will ruin the next day(s) and potentially make you mentally unable to have alcohol for some time because that sickness is in the back of your mind, subconsciously keeping you away from your favorite whiskey.
In fact, I am at the late stage of my hangover where I am mostly recovered. I took a small sip of my whiskey and the alcohol going down my throat did not feel right, my brain is literally preventing me from drinking any more and I am not intoxicated. I'm going to have to temporarily switch to having lower alcohol drinks like beer and cider until my brain allows me to sip the whiskey.
If you are new to alcohol or are going to try alcohol for the first time, don't immediately try getting extremely drunk as it will ruin the experience. Find tasty drinks that won't fuck you up on their own (of course quantity matters a lot). Ciders, light beers, etc. are a good start. If something tastes bad to you, that's fine as the world of alcohol is seemingly endless. So far I have a handful of drinks I know I like from most categories. Have fun, don't get fucked up, and be responsible.
For those starting out, I like these and I believe they are drinks that most people agree are alright:
Light beers (lagers, one might be ale): Blue Moon (I haven't tried the "Light" version, just the regular), Heineken, Coors Light (bottled or on tap).
Ciders: Salt Creek Ciderhouse "Freedom", Portland Cider Original Gold, Helvetia Cider Oregon Blueberry.
The ciders are local brands, so if you're in Oregon see if your stores have these and give them a try.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk. Stay safe.

Kadillac Kirk had been a good friend of mine for several years. I had met him through friends from The Spring Stage; and he never had anything to do with The Imp, which is why he didn’t appear in the Married Mary saga. Mary would have totally thrown herself at him, and Kirk would have definitely “thrown it in her.” He loved the ladies and often remarked that there was no such thing as an unappealing woman, nor was there anything sweeter than finding the pearl of passion in an outwardly plain dame. Fortunately for Kirk, he never met Mary. This was probably fortunate for Mary as well, seeing as Kirk was a confirmed bachelor and his rakish nature might have broken her fat heart.
Kirk was an older guy. Not MOE old, though. He was in his early forties, but he easily passed for a carefree dude in his 30s... not that he lied about his age. I only mention this trait to juxtapose Kirk’s genuine youthful air with Moe’s unconvincing youthful farce. Kirk dressed normally, avoided stupid jargon, and never busted out gimmicks like tarot cards or spells. He just existed, behaved affably, and people liked him for it.
He drove a classic 1962 Cadillac El Dorado convertible with red leather interior, and he lived in a charmingly quaint (and ridiculously expensive) neighborhood. How he made his fortune remained a mystery, but he never bloviated about his wealth. He just threw spectacular parties and people showed up. And, to my knowledge, he never tried to lure women into bed with his money (although I’m sure he got his fair share of boom-boom thanks to his digs and his wheels, even if the gold-diggers denied their monetary agendas).
Kirk was legitimately handsome. He was a drummer, he had a full head of black hair, he was clean-shaven, he worked out, and he knew all the hidden gems in Wellsprings. So why hadn’t I tried... or even desired to date him? I don’t know. I just didn’t feel drawn to him like that. He felt like a cool uncle and he had, thus far, never done anything to change my perception. Plus, the age difference weirded me out a little. Kirk didn’t look forty; but knowing that he had so much more life experience than I did created a power imbalance that would have creeped me out if we’d been dating. As buddies, I just felt supremely cool riding in his Cadillac, smoking Fantasia cigarettes, and hitting the speakeasies and jazz clubs I would have never known about if it weren’t for Kirk’s connections.
And he had been a good person to talk to about my romantic woes. He never lecherously suggested that I should date him, and he gave the type of tempered advice that only comes with lived experience. But he often lightly mocked me for my crush on Dennis and he did a hilarious impression of Smegal popping too soon over his “precious.” So when Mary “got me back” by doing whatever she did with to Dennis, I called Kadillac Kirk and told him the drinks were on me if he’d be my designated driver for the night.
Why hadn’t I called Whisky??? Well, A) Kirk was way more fun to hang out with, at least from my past experiences up to that point. And B) I needed to bitch about a boy, something I couldn’t do in good conscience in front of a guy I was dating. So I put on the sexiest plunging halter dress I owned, applied heavy eye makeup and spikey accessories, braved a pair of stilettos, and sashayed out to Kirk’s convertible. I felt like a badass rock star. I probably looked like a try-hard hooker.
Kirk: Daaaaay-um! Somebody really did do a number on you, huh? I know you said you were upset, but the gents are gonna be writing thank you notes to that fat girl and that butt-fucking hobbit.
Me: I just need to feel pretty and numb. And I trust you to keep me from making a fool of myself.
Kirk squeezed my shoulder. “I’ve got you. You do whatever you need to do to get rid of these demons.”
He sparked up a J and offered me the first puff. I gladly accepted. He took one puff of his own, but said that the rest was mine since he didn’t want to drive stoned. See? He was responsible! Weed wasn’t legal in California yet, so I got a little bit baked before I stashed the sativa in the glove box and wrapped a scarf around my hair like a starlet from the Golden Age of Hollywood. Kirk sped out of the parking lot and said he was taking me to a downtown hotel that was hosting a party that night in their lush lobby.
Kadillac Kirk pulled up to the main entrance, paid the valet, and then opened my door. I was wobbly from the weed. And I had stupidly decided to wear heels. You can get high or you can wear high (heels). You can’t have both. Not if you’ve repeatedly injured both ankles (as I have). I had to take Kirk’s arm to keep from keeling over. “Can people tell I’m stoned?” I whispered. Kirk replied, “Nobody’s paying any attention to anyone else’s intoxication. I promise you that much.” I nodded, steadied myself, and strutted alongside my very cool friend, feeling a little more confident.
A live jazz orchestra was playing Cole Porter as we entered the lobby. Everything sparkled. The music was even more intoxicating than the spliff had been. “Just One of Those Things” brought tears to my eyes since the lyrics hit every raw nerve regarding the Dennis debacle. But I smiled. It might sound mental, but being distraught over a trash fire of a one-sided romance was exhilarating. Immature, for sure. But also exhilarating. You see, that kind of sadness doesn’t hurt. Not really. It stings. It leaves little bruises, but it’s very safe to wallow in because you haven’t actually lost anything. Melancholia over that which you never had is as sweet as it is bitter; and that type of twisted splendor is rivaled only by Stendhal.
“Here's hoping we meet now and then. It was great fun, but it was just one of those things.” I sang along with the band, and a fat tear rolled down past my melancholic smile and onto my chin. Kirk brushed it aside. “Too close to home?” I wiped away the remnants of the tear’s journey from eye to chin and smiled a more genuine smile. “The perfect distance from home. Shall we get drinks? Remember, I’m buying.”
Kirk: No, no. This is your time to heal. And I’m here as your pal, not your chauffeur. What would the lady like?”
I pretended to barf. Kirk knew I hated it when he got overly formal and overly attentive. So he did it just to mess with me. “Shot of vodka,” I replied.
Kirk: How many?
I thought briefly. “FIVE.”
Kirk: Five to one, baby. One in five...
Me: No one here gets out alive.
Kirk: Are you able to hold yourself upright, or should you come with?
I took a seat on an ornate, damask-upholstered chaise lounge. “I’ll be okay. And I was kidding about the five shots.”
I sat there lost in the music for a while. I thought very little about Dennis. Even less about Mary. And not at all about Whisky (whom I had shagged less than a week ago). My mind danced through the ornate lighting in the hotel lobby, and I suddenly felt the need to join the hoity-toity guests on the dancefloor!
Kirk returned with four shots of vodka. Two for him, two for me. That was quite reasonable of him. He knew damn well that I couldn’t handle five shots, but he also knew that I was in a... state. One that called for more than a single shot. I raised a both miniature glasses to “No more ninnyhammers or hairy-footed lovers.” Kirk did his hilarious Smegal impression, we double-toasted, and downed the shots. The band launched into “Let’s Misbehave,” and I kicked off my stilettos and made a beeline for the dance floor.
“There’s something wild about you child that’s so contagious. Let’s be outrageous! Let’s misbehave.” Kadillac Kirk swept me up, twirled me around, and dipped me as we both sang along with the lyrics. I wasn’t swooning for him, but I was enthralled by the moment. The music, the dancing, the combination of booze and bud... so I kissed him as he pulled me back to my feet. And he kissed back. In a way that Dennis never had. In a way that Whisky’s beard wouldn’t permit. I didn’t feel the visceral sensations that I’d felt when Dennis had kissed me, but it felt nice to feel desired. And then I noticed that other guests were watching us and applauding. Now, that was a dopamine rush if ever there was one!
I gently broke away from the embrace, high-fived Kirk and returned to the chaise lounge to put my stupid shoes back on. He followed me and smashed his face back onto mine. I pulled away and laughed. “It was a moment,” I told him. “I appreciate the dance, and that kiss was the perfect finale. But it’s not happening again.”
Kirk: Not to worry, Valerie. I know you. I knew all along that we were performing, and I was more than happy to be your scene partner.
Me: And dance partner! Those were some excellent moves! I didn’t know you had ballroom training.
Kirk: You name it, I’ve mastered it. Another drink for the lady?
I pretended to barf again. “Not yet. I’m not sad right now. Do you mind if I just sit here and enjoy the music?”
Kirk: Ah. My kisses do have healing properties...
I flipped my hand up at him. “Knock that shit off, bro. I wanted to hang out with you because I trust you not to get weird. Even if I get weird, I know you have the maturity to balance me out.”
Kirk: Are you calling me old???
Me: No. I’m calling you rational, responsible, and respectful.
Kirk: Well, now. If you can articulate an alliterative statement that fluently, then you clearly aren’t drunk enough!
I dismissed this comment as a joke. And he did indeed knock off the flirtation. We had a perfectly pleasant time chatting and dancing (no more kissing, though). And then I noticed a girl I knew from Into the Woods entering the lobby. She’d played Florinda and I’d played Little Red. I called her name and waved enthusiastically. She waved back. And then her date entered. It was D.E.N.N.I.S. I sank into the chaise. Kirk caught on immediately. “The hobbit???” he asked. I nodded silently. “You wanna make out again?” he enthused. I shook my head. I had to go say hello to Flo. And I had an idea...
I crossed the lobby, smiled, squealed, and hugged her.
Florinda: Lil’ Red! It’s been forever! So glad to see you!!! This is my friend, Denny.
Dennis was shifting uncomfortably. I extended my hand. “Nice to meet you. I know your date from Into the Woods. I bet she could tell you some entertaining stories about that show...” Flo laughed out loud, well aware of the many misadventures to which I'd referred. Of course, she might have been laughing because Dennis never, ever listened to anyone else's stories. He was too busy telling, re-telling, slightly altering, and exaggerating his own.
Dennis: C’mon, Val...
Me: Oh, you’ve heard of me? Small world! You guys picked a great night to come here. They’re playing Cole Porter, and the band is delovely!
Florinda (appearing oblivious to the iciness between me and Dennis): Have you seen Prince Big Bad (Scumbanger) lately?
I laughed. “Last time I saw him, he was hitting on some nasty fat chick at The Imp.”
Flo and I both scoffed at the pervy pest. Into the Woods was where I’d initially met Scumbanger. He played The Wolf/Cinderella’s Prince. Again... typecasting. There’s a whole essay in my brain about my first encounter with the pest, during which he quoted the song that he sang to me in the show, “Hello, Little Girl.” But it gets into some pretty uncomfortable territory because he made me feel excited. Well, excited and scared. Nothing of note happened during Into the Woods, but our odd interactions did kind of set the stage for some extremely regrettable events during that Cats cast party.
I excused myself, saying that I needed to get back to my friend. And then I leaned in and said in a hushed voice to Flo, “Watch your ass with that one. If he’s the Denny I’m thinking of...” I gave her a look that only another female would be able to read. Her eyebrows shot up and she nodded. Dennis continued to shift as though he were trying to hold in a massive dump. “BABE! Uh...”
Flo apparently answered to that moniker as well. “What is it, Denny? Don’t worry. That was just telepathic girl talk. You apparently have a reputation...”
Dennis: Different Denny. I assure you I’m a pious gentleman.
Me: Ah. My mistake. Well, then. You guys have a good time! Nice to meet you, Denny. Great to see you, Flo!
I hugged Flo again, gave Dennis a curt nod, ignored the scent of mandarins and mountain air, and returned to Kirk.
I collapsed on the chaise lounge, exhausted from holding back the rage. I had no right to be mad at Florinda. I hadn’t seen her in three years, so how was she supposed to know that I’d had a thing with Dennis? Hell, I couldn’t even be mad at Dennis because the last time he and I had spoken in any meaningful way, I’d told him that I was no longer entertaining my crush on him. So why was I surprised to see him dating??? And why had he never taken ME out on a date like this??? And why wasn’t I smitten with Kadillac Kirk who HAD taken me out on a date like this, was an objectively excellent kisser, and a bona fide BALLER? What was wrong with me???
Kirk suggested going down the street to a quaint little bar and then sobering up at a diner closer to my apartment. I numbly nodded and followed him in silence for a few blocks. He assured me that I had “turned several heads” on the way to the new location, but I neither cared nor believed him. This wasn't the type of numbness I'd been aiming for. Now I needed to get schnockered. “Five shots of vodka, please.” Yes, I was serious.
Kadillac Kirk, my reliable designated driver, ordered only a beer and watched in something across between astonishment, concern, and delight as I slammed all five shots in rapid succession. I half expected to immediately retch all over the bar. But I felt fine. I half expected to immediately lose consciousness and wake up in the hospital. But I remained coherent. How I’d managed to take in that much hard liquor and suffer no direct consequences, I’ll never know.
I think I wanted to suffer. I wanted to either feel nothing at all or to feel a sickness bad enough to distract me from the scorching sting that pulsed through my being when I realized that I had lost the abstract notion I’d been addicted to this entire time. Hope. It wasn’t Dennis himself I couldn’t quit. It was that drug called hope. The hope that maybe, just maybe Dennis would give our romance a fair chance. The hope that maybe, just maybe he would make peace with himself, get his mind out of his crotch, and enjoy some agenda-free togetherness. The hope that maybe, just maybe he would stop bloviating about his admittedly impressive accomplishments for five fucking minutes and ask about my life. I had my own reasonably impressive accomplishments, even if they paled in comparison to his. A proper suitor would have enjoyed hearing about them.
But seeing him out with another woman, a woman who had no reason to parade her Dennis escapades before me as some means of revenge, a woman he was clearly courting of his own volition... My hope had died. It died before I’d had time to wean myself off it. Now I had to mourn the loss of hope, which is a very tricky brand of grief to navigate. Vodka wasn’t the answer, but it was what I had to work with. So it would have to do.
After enough time had passed without vomiting or collapsing, I asked Kirk to bring his car around to the bar so that I didn’t have to walk two and a half blocks drunk and in heels. He nodded and dramatically leaned in for a kiss. I recoiled. “DUDE! I told you. The moment has passed.”
Kirk: I beg your pardon. I misread your eyes. Thought I saw a green light...
Me: It’s fine. I just want to go home while I’m still feeling okay.
Kirk: Of course. Your chariot will be here soon.
He skipped off to fetch his Cadillac and I noticed that the lights in the bar were beginning to dance a bit. This should have been concerning. But then I realized that I was giggling. Wait... What? Oh shit. Sure, I was drunk from those shots. But what I was feeling in that moment wasn’t drunkery. It was stonery. Kirk probably misread my face because my pupils were dilated. Not from desire, but from drug use.
Some of you might be thinking that I was a bad friend for not introducing Lucy, an old dude connoisseur, to Kirk. Well... I did. Several years before the events of this story. He adored her. She, on the other hand, thought he was immature. And she wasn’t wrong. Lucy was astute when it came to sussing out a person’s true nature. Far more astute than I. Her initial assessment that Kirk was immature is about to be vindicated. Stretch those cringe muscles! It’s almost time for pie...
I somehow managed to get to his car. I honestly don’t recall how I got there. Did one of the bartenders carry me? Did some kind patron allow me to lean on him? Had Kadillac Kirk carried me out? I’m not sure. But my memory ceases to be fuzzy about halfway to the 24-hour diner. It might have been the very same 24-hour diner where Mary pulled her... shenanigans. I’ll never know.
Kirk: Would you say that you’re more drunk or more stoned?
Me: STONED. Definitely stoned.
Kirk made some sort of grunty noise and reached for my thigh. I slapped his hand.
Kirk: Stoned but not amorous? That’s rare.
I started laughing rather unkindly. “You’re a fucking horndog! I thought you were my safe straight male friend, dammit.”
Kirk: I solemnly swear that your safety is my primary concern, my stoned beauty.
I pretended to throw up.
Kirk: So... You’re not horny. But are you hungry? The diner I’m heading to makes this Maple Walnut Pie with the most sumptuous... sensual cream and exquisite drizzling of...
Me: Ew! Stop trying to bang the pie. Bro. Are YOU stoned? (Then I remembered the question.) Yes, I’m hungry. But I don’t like nuts. I’ll have banana cream.
Kirk made that repulsive grunty noise again. “Uhhhhh... Mmmmmm. Cream. Yessssss. Yes, we’ll be there in just a minute.” He was squirming in the driver's seat.
Me: GROSS, DUDE! If you’re gonna be like that I’ll just order HASH brows. Get it? Hash??? (I giggled uncontrollably.). You can’t make that sound nasty.
Kirk: Forgive my jokes. I think my blood sugar’s a bit low.
As Kirk parked, I began to wonder how I might get away with walking shoeless into the diner. The stilettos had to get off my feet. At least while I was walking. And Kirk was kind enough to give me his socks and wear his loafers “island style” into the establishment. Okay, that was gallant of him. Maybe he was going to behave himself for the rest of the evening.
I wasn’t terribly talkative as we sat down, and he expressed concern for my emotional well-being. I wasn’t coherent enough to explain what was happening to my emotions and I wasn’t sure I trusted him with my deep, dark secrets at that point. So I shrugged like a sulky teenager, ran my hands over my messy, windblown hair, and mumbled that I was “just hungry.” And right on cue, a very kind, slightly older waitress with a sweet southern accent stopped by to take our order.
Kirk: Ah, yes. We’ll have two cups of black coffee. And we’ll share a slice of that delectable Maple Walnut Pie.
Waitress: Oh, honey. That pie is scrumptious! I take it you’ve been here before?
Kirk: I have. This will be her first time to taste the splendor.
I hated to be a killjoy, but I interrupted and said to the waitress, “Ma’am? I’m sure the Maple Walnut is excellent, but could I please get a slice of Banana Cream? And a big glass of ice water?
Waitress: Sure, hon! Banana Cream’s just as yummy! I’ll be right back with those coffees and that big water.
Kirk was sucking on the tip of his forefinger and shaking his head a bit. “You’re passing up so many sensational... sensual...”
I put my forehead on the table and growled. “You swore you’d stop being nasty!” I held this #headdesk pose for quite some time before I finally lifted my head... only to see that Kirk was still sucking his fingertip and staring at me like a wild animal. “Pleeeeeease be normal,” I whined. “It’s been a really weird night for me.”
Kirk: Indeed. Many surprises. You know... You’re like titanium. Your flame burns so fast and so bright, if a guy doesn’t get in there while the iron is hot, he’ll never get another chance. I was too slow.
What the...? I was pretty sure he was wrong about titanium burning quickly. I’m no chemistry wiz, but my dad and my oldest brother are both big-brains when it comes to physics and chemistry. So I picked up some things just listening to them talk. Accurate or inaccurate, Kirk was being creepy again. He’d never been creepy towards me before, although I’d seen him act like this with other women. Usually with staggering success. Why????? His money. It had to be his money. Kirk was a nice-looking man, but holy shit... No amount of good looks could save this creep show.
And then, our sweet waitress sat down our coffees, my water, and the two slices of pie. After I gulped down a whole bunch of water, I grabbed a fork, prepared to quell my munchies... and then I froze. Kirk was quickly flicking his finger back and forth across the top of his pie. And moaning. He noticed my wide-eyed stare, smirked, sucked the tip of his thumb, picked up the plate with both hands, and began flicking his tongue across the tip of the triangular pie slice. And moaning some more. Well, there went my appetite.
Kirk took his middle finger and jabbed it into the crustless vertex of the pie slice, then he began pumping it in and out like a piston, and flicking his thumb across the increasingly demolished top layer of whipped cream. He gasped this time. People were starting to stare. His pointer finger joined his middle finger in the piston action, and he replaced his thumb with his tongue. Between flicks of the tongue, he groaned, “Oh yeah, baby... Let me taste you,” but it was kind of hard to understand him.
And I was either about to run to the back office, tell them that I was in danger and needed a police escort home... OR I was about to burst out laughing at the spectacle. Kirk continued... He removed his fingers and gregariously licked pie filling off of them. And then he started sucking his fingertips again, switching from middle to pointer, middle to pointer and emitting a delighted little, “Mmmmmm” with every suck.
Finally, he jabbed his fingers back into the utterly destroyed pie, lowered his face into the mess and lapped loudly and passionately, moaning, grunting, and mumbling “Come on, baby. Come on. Mmmmmm. Come on.” I could see the waitress and some dude in a suit heading over to the table, so I sank down in my seat, partially covered my face, but continued to watch the train wreck. At last, Kirk shuddered violently, he splatted his entire hand onto the plate and rubbed furiously. And then he locked eyes with me. He sucked the tip of his thumb one final time and said, “You...” There was a long pause during which Kirk lovingly stroked the mess he’d made. “You... are the pie.”
I don’t hang out with Kadillac Kirk anymore. But he’s still a bachelor, ladies!

After Luds comment on his last stream I did a quick Reddit search and found this post from 9yrs ago in sex by U/LudwigAhgren
Note: It was a funny read and definitely in his charming grammar style.
Note 2: Some of things do not work anymore but, a few still do.
“The Ultimate Guide to Shaving Your Pubes for Beginners (Men)
If you have a bush like Brillo^© , or just want to trim up the forrest so others can pass safely, you're in the right place.
I split groin hair into 5 different groups. Below I have listed the difficulty of each area as well as what kind of shave each area shall receive.
This is what we want the end product to look like. (His pubes look like the mustache of almighty Zeus himself!)

Pubic Hair	Ball Hair	Taint/Gooch Hair	High Thigh Hair	Shaft Hair
Easiest to shave. Needs to be trimmed down (No new-born baby penis look)	Scariest/Most Difficult to shave. This will be a clean shave.	Moderate difficulty. Up to shaver, but I prefer a clean shave.	Easy to shave. This will be a clean shave.	Nicks can happen here easily. This will be a clean shave.

Tools Needed: Shaving cream (MUST - Practice before which shaving cream works best! Sometimes Conditioner can work better),
electric razor (The side that pops out I will refer to as buzzer and the side with the guard I will refer to as electric razor from here on out)
A Women’s! shaving razor (women’s razors have a much higher guard and will protect better than one for men.
 
*PLEASE BE PREPARED!* I mean it’s your balls we’re talking about here…
 
Step 1: The first step will be to shave the pubic hair. Depending on how much hair is down there, you have the option to go at it with scissors like a harbor before throwing the buzzer down there. If you have an average amount (2”>x) then go at it with the buzzer. Hover your family jewels over the toilet, you may even choose to sit like a cool substitute teacher. Brush the square side of the buzzer backwards across your pubes vertically. It may seem as if it isn’t doing anything but trust me you’re losing hair faster than LeBraun James. Continue this until you deem it short enough, I like my pubes around 1/2”.
Note Make sure the pubes length is even throughout, focusing on areas that with longer hair to insure optimum symmetry, bitches love symmetry. Use a mirror!
 
Step 2: Now you’ll want to ‘square’ out your hair and completely shave off any outliers around your pubes. Perhaps you have a leaky happy trail? Or maybe your pubes are ‘fading’ in. Either way you’ll want this instead of this (not penis don’t fret) Use a mirror to make sure it’s not lopsided.
 
Step 3: Here we are going to tackle that upper thigh hair that encompasses the whole male crotch area. Now get all nakey if you aren’t already and hop in that shower. Make sure the water is warm because you’re going to be in there for a while. Whip out you’re shaving cream of choice, I use this because it makes the blade glide across my nuts (phrase of the day!). To be fair I am more metrosexual than most gay men. Anyway(!) lather that shaving cream on to you’re upper thigh, above the pubes and right around the taint (make sure the water isn’t washing it all away) and start shaving those areas. The shaving razor will insure that these areas are hair-free.
Note Make sure the blade follows the surface of the skin. You want max blade to skin contact.
 
Step 4: Here’s my favorite part. Shaving the shaft. Why is it my favorite? It adds an inch to your perceived dick length (now your dick will look like it’s an inch long^rekt. Extend your dick by pulling out your head. It will give a similar surface on the base of the dick to an erect penis. Now with the shaving cream and razor, shave the front part of the base, while always making sure the base is flat. Then do each side, trying your best to make the area being shaved flat. A flat area not only allows the razor to get more hair, it also prevents little nicks that can occur. I’ll refer back to Davidfor how far down the base you should shave.
Note If you look at the pic of David, you’ll notice he shaved the area to the right and left of his penis. That is totally you’re call, I have no opinion I find both to by stylish in their own penis way.
 
Step 5: The balls. AKA Holyshitiamsoscarediamgoingtochopmynutsoff. You may be tempted to skip this part, but trust me, hairy balls do not look good when the rest has been shaved. If you start this, you must to finish it. You are the chosen one. You are supposed to bring balance to your pubes, not leave them in darkness! Do it for the (potential) children.
Back to the balls. We’re going to first start with the outside balls. To do this get in your best captain stance which creates a nice U shape between your thigh and outer left/right ball. This is the kind of U Brett Farve has been talking about. Now, using that handy shaving cream and razor, this should be quite easy. Gently go up that are and always going along the grain. Don’t switch up directions here, that’s too ballsy.
After that’s done we’re going to drift away from the pubes for just a bit. Throw some shaving cream on the taint (this is the area that prevents you from shitting on your balls) and you’ll want to shave from your asshole to the base of your balls. Always going in that direction. IMPORTANT If you touch your taint (ew you’re gross) you’ll notice there is a line. Kind of feels like hair running from your asshole to your balls. It’s actually a vein that controls your orgasms. DO NOT SHAVE ON THIS VEIN Shave to the left and right of it. Don’t go directly on it. I don’t think anything will happen if you do… but better safe than orgasmless.
 
Step 6: Back to the balls and the last part of the shaving in the shower. This part is difficult and to be honest I’m not sure of the best way to approach this. Balls are weird and that they have no fucking shape and 2 million wrinkles. I like to first take my electric razor and use the buzzer part of it. Then I just air swipe my balls getting all the hair about 1/4” short. Then I take the shaving cream and focus on specific parts squeezing my balls to get maximum surface area. This seems to work out for me, but keeping it 1/4 of an inch isn’t that big of a deal. Hair that short is difficult to notice and ladies/men will still suck your nuts.
Note Loosen up before shaving your balls. Take deep breaths and relax. Make sure your asshole isn’t clenched because that raises your balls. And if you’re down there shaving with a clenched asshole, and for any reason your asshole unclenches, you’re balls will drop (again) and hell will break loose. It is better to shave them while they are low and have them clench upwards.
 
Step 7: Clean up all the pubes off of your body. This is no simple task. Water is an adhesive so you’ll have to detach the shower head and put that all up in your business. I like to turn on the bath and use that heavy rush of water to cleanse my body of those clingy cutoff pubes. Hop out the shower, dry off and look at your masterpiece Michelangelo. But you are not done yet!
 
Step 8: Similar to barbers, you will have missed a few hair and you’ll probably have a few 2 inch hairs amongst you’re gently coiffed pubes. Grab a pair of nail scissors or whatever tool you prefer and chop those suckers off. The majority will be on your balls. A fun thing I like to do that is totally fucking weird, is pulling long pubes on my balls and plucking them off. It is surprisingly easy to do so because of the loose ball skin. Don’t yank it out like a band-aid though or you’ll need a band-aid (Ha Ha.. I’m not funny)
 
Voila, you’re done. Get some aftershave on those freshly shaven balls to disinfect your nicks and make those meaty knockers smell like a man. Congratulations and I hope I was of some help!
 
Edit 1: Let't talk about asshole hair, (what a great conversation start^{furiouslyjotsdown)} that area can be shaved and it can look/feel good! But personally, I like to keep my Brown Eye of Sauron to myself. No traveller has dared venture down so I feel no need to shave.
Edit 2: One of my ball shaving colleagues has alerted me that the 'taint vein' is actually, "[A] scar, from where the skin fuses before birth and is called the perineal raphe." (Google it for some nice visuals)
 
Thank you all for the great response! Being on the front page of sex is something all my future employers will be impressed by. I recently shaved and I seriously mistook my junk for King David's jewels (obviously he is miles bigger) and I thought I'd right down exactly what I did.”

Please don't mind my spelling and/or grammar mistakes as English is my 3rd language. TW:Mentioning su!cide and depression
For context I'm 19(f) and boyfriend of 2 years passed away 1 years ago due to su!cide.Yeah yeah,I know I was young and I couldn't POSSIBLY have known the meaning of true love(🙄),but he was my first love and I was very heartbroken and depressed when I heard abouthis passing.I did eventually get better and started to see people again.I haven't dated anyone after my boyfriend but I've talked to a couple of people who had an interest in me and vice versa and I kid you not,they all had the same initials as my boyfriend,every single one of them (about 7 or 8).A few of them had the same first three letters of his name.Everytime I try to take things to the next level with the guys, i get this sudden realization that I don't actually like them,then i ghost them(I'm bad person,i know but spare me).Which leads me to wonder if my boyfriend is haunting me or something along those lines.
Somebody please help me, I feel like I'm losing my mind🥲 Should I be worried?

Wade held Jasmine in his arms as he flew a low height down the long road to another section of the staryard, Tina on his back and Nathan and F right behind them in the air. Together, the five glided across the base grounds, taking care as to not irritate the aerial security during their search for the meeting room. Being outside for the flight, the group considered it a blessing that Wade's 'enhanced cooling unit' allowed his body to tolerate the breaching sun in the still cloudy sky, which, according to F, was dangerous to drones like her due to the inefficient cooling she and disassembly drones like her suffered from. Given F's physical fault, she had to fly under shady areas in order to safely traverse the base at day.
Originally, Wade and his friends had planned to walk to the meeting zone, but after running into a trooper experiencing a health mishap, the group did what they could to help the distressed officer. By the time he was brought to the medical ward by other soldiers, Wade found that him and his team would be at least a few minutes late if they kept on their way with their walk.
Deciding to speed things up, Wade, understanding the concern for performing such an effort, opted to carry the Fowleys around the base to the meeting area. Reluctantly, F decided to come along, carrying Nathan in a similar manner that Wade was carrying Jasmine. Taking notice of the time on his HUD, which read, "9:47 AM", Wade scouted for the building he and his friends were directed to. "8072" He said to himself, the number being for the building that would house the imminent meeting.
"They said it was down here, right?" Wade asked aloud to Tina before stopping himself in mid-air, the girl holding onto him tightly as he tried to speak over the growing sound of a retrofit Apache flying overhead.
Looking about, Tina nodded as she spotted the target building. "Yes, I believe that's the one over there!" Pointing past his head, Wade followed her finger to a large building ahead at his right. The structure was moderately tall, only about two stories high, with several soldiers and officers going in and out of the building. Wade smiled as he noticed the target number, as well as the big, bold words describing the building's designation. "8072, Briefing Center B"
"Good eye, honey. Hang on!" Continuing his low glide, Wade zoomed towards the building's entrance before stopping just meters above the ground, his two friends close behind as they slowed down as well. The troopers around them initially looked startled by the sudden arrival of Wade and his group, but quickly regained their composure as Wade hovered still above them.
"At ease! Just visitors." One of the soldiers declared as they identified the newcomers, who touched down before Wade let Jasmine down to her feet, Tina hopping onto the ground along with her.
Putting his hands up, Wade apologized for his swift surprise. "Sorry for the scare, we got delayed for a meeting we're invited to."
The soldier gave an understanding nod as he replied to the former worker drone sternly. "I can see that, just be a bit more careful next time, Mr. Carter. You gave the boys here quite a scare."
Wade returned the gesture in embarrassment as F put a hand to his back, chuckling at his efforts as Tina questioned the officer. "Is Mrs. J in there? She's the one who called for us."
The guard gave his reply as Wade and Tina pulled out their IDs for clearance. "Yes she is, Miss. The meeting's set to begin in under ten minutes." Checking the two drones' IDs, Jasmine and the others pulled out theirs as well, the watchman motioning another trooper over to verify the group. Once the guard finished checking the five's cards, he nodded in approval as the watchman spoke once more. "You're clear to enter."
"Thank you Sir, again, sorry about that spook back there." Wade replied with a smile as the trooper gave one of his own, the disassembly drone and his allies making their way towards the office door before stopping upon the call of a voice.
"Hey, Felice!" Wade turned to find the origin of the voice, F doing the same as the two quickly spotted a quartet of soldiers walking excitedly towards F. The disassembly drone glanced to her friends with a smile before turning back to the approaching entourage.
Wade examined the four troops as they got closer: Two human men, one woman, and a male worker drone. One of the male soldiers had short, blonde hair, and a small scar to the right side of their face. The second man bore a tan skin tone and had black hair, with blue strips that went down slightly in a mullet style. The woman bore a set of long, dark green hair, with the hair going down and over her left shoulder. As for the worker drone, he wore the standard green soldier helmet, single eye visor and all. He had no hair on him from what Wade could tell, and bore a pair of whiteish purple eyes on his visor.
As F walked over to the soldiers, the same one that called to her spoke again. "Felicity, I didn't expect to see you around here today! Where you been?"
The girl soldier interrupted his initial chatter. "Hang on Carlos, do you even know if she remembers us?"
"Aye, don't she have one o' them memory locks, or sumthin?" The drone added in a heavy Scottish accent.
F waved her hand as she replied to the group. "Easy, everyone. Thankfully I still got my memories, courtesy of my technician back at Central." Lowering her hand, F let down her usual persona as she gave a wide smirk to the soldiers, clearly pleased to see them. "Good to see you guys around here."
The soldiers gave light cheers to F as they all embraced her, the group having a surprise reunion as Wade and the others watched in surprise. These must've been F's old colleagues from when she was in the service, Wade thought. Quite the coincidence for them to be here at this base of all places.
Not bothering with the convenience of the matter, Wade shook the thought off as he and his friends watched F and her old friends breaking the hug, Tina wrapping an arm around her boyfriend as the second male human spoke to her in what the two discerned as Spanish. "Ay, who your new friends, F?"
"Oh, these guys?" F replied in the same language, quietly startling Wade and the others as they had never heard her speak like that until now. Glancing over to Wade, F motioned him and the others to come over. "Everyone, these are some friends I made in the past few days. Wade, Nathan, Tina, and Jasmine." She pointed her hand to the four as she said each of their names. "I met the boys here during my time on Ceres. Jasmine and Tina here are sisters."
The four soldiers gave various forms of excitement, ranging from hearty laughs to low woops and even a whistle from one of the guys. As F stood next to her old teammates, they each introduced themselves to Wade and his friends. The blonde soldier went first. "Well, it's a pleasure to meet you all, name's Carlos, Lieutenant Marksman."
"I'm Private Alvaros, good with close-range and stealth operations." Said the tan soldier with a salute.
"Sergeant Lucia Vasquez, usually the one who leads this bunch around these days." The female warrior stated with a humorous smirk.
"And Corporal Duncan Wallace, at your service!" The soldier drone stated proudly as he saluted to the bunch in front of him, who gave warm smiles as Wade shook his hand.
"Quite honored to meet you all, seems you have quite the history with F." The former worker drone said as Carlos patted F on her back.
"Oh, we do! She's the one who took charge when we didn't! Did you all hear of the Pasting of Nola VI?" Jasmine and Tina gave nods of affirmation while Wade, not as familiar with such history, held his hand up in a questioning manner.
"I think, wasn't that the battle where the Navy just barely held the outpost in that system? From the Stryker Clan?" Wade asked as Carlos nodded approvingly to him.
"That's right, and if Felice weren't there, WE would've been the ones getting pasted!" Carlos' statement brought victorious cheers and "oorahs" from the group, F letting a blush loose as she chuckled at her team's praise of her efforts.
"Well, that's not wrong." Although she didn't want to break off from her friends and discuss the past few years since they'd last met, F remembered the briefing. Clearing her throat, she continued. "And as much as I'd like to chat about the good times, I've been called to a meeting here, as have Wade and his crew."
The soldier group gave understanding looks to F as Lucia spoke up. "Thought so, Carl here was real eager to see you, though."
"Maybe we can talk after the meeting?" Nathan proposed as the soldiers collectively nodded in agreement, F readying a smartcomm attachment before turning to face her friends again.
"We're probably getting low on time, you all go in, I'll catch up in a sec." Wade nodded in acknowledgement before taking Tina's hand, the lover drones continuing towards the briefing center as Jasmine and Nathan followed behind them.
Passing through the door, the four guests observed a short hallway, which seemed to split into two paths as they came closer to the other end. Looking to a sign on the wall above, they saw arrows pointing to two separate areas, "Primary Briefing Room; Main Lobby + Secondary & Tertiary" Going to the right, they entered the moderately active lobby, several officers walking and standing about in mass chatter. Walking over to the desk up against the wall to their left, Wade and his group waved a hand to the occupying attendant.
"Welcome, what do you need?" The desk attendant asked as Tina raised a finger to reply.
"We're here for a meeting, Mrs. J called us here."
The attendant nodded in understanding before directing an arm towards the other end of the room, where a single door stood. "She should be in the second briefing room down that way."
"Thank you." Tina replied warmly before she and Wade began walking towards the door, their friends behind them as they proceeded into the room.
The room beyond the door was quite sizable, a large circular table occupying the middle with several chairs surrounding it. The walls went up a few meters, with four whiteish blue lights illuminating the room. On the wall opposite to Wade and Tina were three monitor screens, all of which showed the USN in bright blue. In several of the seats were faces both familiar and unfamiliar, several men and women in varying styles of uniforms conversing about quietly or taking notice of the recent visitors. Standing up near the monitors were three people: A decorated officer whom Tina identified as a ship captain, and the so-called operatives, Tessa, albeit as a hologram, and J.
Walking slowly into the room, Wade gave a low wave of his hand as he tried to hide his nervousness. Noticing his shyness in front of the officers, Tina held his hand and rubbed his arm comfortingly while returning a pleasant smile to the staff in the room.
"Ah, Wade, Tina. Glad to see you all here." J stated with a smile as she scanned the group, raising a digital eyebrow as she noticed one missing guest. "Or, most of you, I see. Did F run off somewhere?"
Wade shook his head as he replied to his fellow disassembly drone. "Oh, no. She just ran into some old friends, she should be back-"
"Right now." F finished aloud as she entered the room, seemingly having heard Wade speaking about her absence. The warrior drone fast walked to Wade's team, taking a seat near them as they prepared to do the same. "Not too late, are we?"
"Not at all." The standing officer answered as the group took their seats, Wade and Tina sitting next to each other as they got comfortable. The captain examined the lot for a moment, glancing to J as he asked about them. "So, these are the ones you helped rescue from the Mojave?"
"Yes Captain, and they helped us out greatly in turn. This is Wade Carter, one of the captured drones whom became a disassembly drone before we could mount the rescue. The luckiest one, if you ask me." Motioning her arm over the others, she continued. "And there's his girlfriend, Mrs. Tina Fowley, and her sister Jasmine." Smirking to F and Nathan, she finished her friends' introductions. "And these two are Serial Designation F and Mr. Nathan, whom I've heard were once under your ranks."
The military captain gave a welcoming smile to the five as they returned the gesture, eyeing F and Nathan specifically before speaking to them. "Indeed they were, we still have records on their contributions to the colonies." Eyeing F, he continued. "Though, in Mrs. F's case, I won't blame her if she doesn't remember us. We've been very well aware of JCJenson's 'memory suppression' protocols when it comes to their DDs."
F laid back in her seat with a smug look as she replied to her former superior. "Well, my friend on the station's a good tech gal. She's... waived that hindrance from me."
"I see, that means your still with us, am I right, Mrs. Lee?" Unlike her friends next to her, F was not startled by her original name being said aloud, rather smiling proudly as she saluted to the captain. "Good to see you again."
"Pleased to be here, Sir." F replied as she lowered her arm, glancing to her companions next to her as J spoke up.
"Everyone, I'd like you to meet Captain Preston Mitchell, commander of the USNV Vickers down at the stardock."
Wade gave a respectful salute to Preston as he spoke first. "It's an honor to meet you, Sir."
"Thank you, Mr. Carter. I've heard about your efforts from J, you did an admirable job back there, son." Wade failed to hide an embarrassed blush from the compliment, but it quickly faded as a beep sounded from a small device on the table. It was swiftly silenced by the captain as he tapped a button on the small, pyramid shaped timer, then facing Wade's group before continuing. "Though, as much as we could use some small talk, it'll have to wait till later."
"Indeed, we're running late at this point." Said another officer, a highly decorated member of the base with dark skin, dark grey hair and a thin beard. He immediately won the attention of everyone in the room as he spoke up. "I'm General Hugh Hood, overseer of this base. I'm certain you know some of the reasons you're here with us, correct?"
Wade nodded as he spoke to Hood. "Yeah, it's cause of those rogue agents from the JCJenson corporation." Glancing to J, the corporate drone nodded in affirmation before speaking herself.
"Tessa and I spent the last hours of yesterday evening clearing up the matter with General Hood, along with several other officials stationed here." She stopped as the middle monitor behind her flashed with a banner at the top, reading, "INCOMING TRANSMISSION", and in place of the USN emblem was a textless version of the JCJenson logo. Below the profile image was another two lines of text. "N. Jenson (Company Exec); Comms Source: Yottrite IV"
"And also told our boss about what happened here too, he wanted to give his say on this ordeal." Looking to the general, J asked him, "May I put him on?"
Hood only gave a nod of approval to the corporate drone before she picked up a remote on the table and tapped a button, accepting the call as the picture shifted to show a middle-aged man in a pristine-looking business suit on the screen.
Wade and Tina glanced to each other before J introduced their guest on the screen. "Ladies and Gentlemen, the CEO of JCJenson: Mr. Noor Jenson."
Jenson gave a pleased nod to his subordinate as he spoke to J. "Thank you for the pleasantries, J. I see we are ready to discuss our plans on dealing with this 'recall' disaster I've bore witness to on the news this morning?"
J nodded as she replied to her boss. "Indeed, I've explained to General Hood here about our efforts yesterday, and, as of recent, we've just received a message from a source we believe to be close to the company."
Mr. Jenson looked down to J attentively as he spoke to her. "Well, that's quite intriguing news, J. Do you have this message available for us to view?" J and Hood both nodded in affirmation, but didn't get an immediate reply as Jenson gazed to Wade and his friends. "...And I presume these are some of the drones rescued from one of the factories?"
Again, J nodded to her superior before explaining her colleagues. "Yes Mr. Jenson, the two drones at the front in particular were among those taken by the Administrator and their subordinates." Pointing an arm to Wade and Tina, she introduced the drone couple. "The disassembly drone here is Mr. Wade Carter, a brother to his-technically speaking-owner, the late Ron Carter. The latter helped us recover Wade during an initial raid inside the Nevada facility." When bringing up Ron, J gave an apologetic look to Wade as to show she did not mean to be offending on him and his brother's relationship. "And this is his romantic partner, Mrs. Tina Fowley. I heard she and her sister Jasmine are pilots."
Jenson looked over the two drones as his obedient employee described them to him, quietly sighing as Wade and Tina returned the gaze with nervous smiles. Once J finished, Jenson spoke to Wade. "I... would say it's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Carter. But, given recent events, I don't hold fault to you for feeling frustrated at me for my... former subordinate's actions."
Wade shook his head lightly, taking Jenson's light apology with a faint smile as he replied to the CEO. "Actually, I don't. The only person I have such feelings put towards is," He hesitated for a moment, his anger at Dr. Halloway returning for a short moment before he eased himself. "..That bastard Halloway."
"The feeling's mutual, Mr. Carter. Dr. Halloway has been trying my patience for years now, especially with you and your fellow disassembly drones." Looking to J, then F, he returned his gaze to Wade before questioning him on his new body. "I don't know if J has told you of this, but if there's one truth my company has admittedly not held up to for a while, it's our quality. Recently, some of my research staff here made blueprints for an upgraded variant of the disassembly drone design. It's intended to fix several faults we expected to be nonexistent previously, most notably that atrocious cooling unit."
As a schematic pulled up on the left monitor, everyone glanced to the improved design before F spoke up about it. "If I may ask, Mr. Jenson, how big of an improvement is this new cooling unit supposed to be?"
"Good question, F. Frankly, it's supposed to do away with the issue entirely. Saves us from sacrificing enormous supplies of oil for the poorly built unit in the previous iterations. We even tested it with a repaired drone just a few days ago, and it worked flawlessly." Then, glancing to Wade again, he questioned the former worker drone on his new form. "Speaking of, how does your enhanced body feel, Mr. Carter? I'm certain it feels better to not have to-"
"Actually, Mr. Jenson," Wade interrupted, pulling out one of his canteens as he answered the CEO on his upgrades. "I guess Halloway changed up the blueprints, cause unfortunately this new cooling unit didn't cure the overheating problem. I... kinda learned that the hard way." Wade glanced to Tina apologetically, still feeling bad from her seeing him eat the corpse of the dead murder drone back at the factory.
The corporate CEO grimaced in frustration as he took in Wade's statement, already intolerant of the head researcher's actions as he replied. "...I was worried about that, Edgar always likes to run things his own way, making excuses for that 'Administrator' he watches over." Taking an agitated breath, he continued on with his spew on the two culprits of yesterday's events. "It was only because of all the very impressive creations and enhancements she and her research team provided that I tolerated them for so long, but this..." Sitting up straight in front of the camera, Jenson finished sternly. "J said the Administrator... Cyn, I believe? She was apparently something worse than we presumed originally, and I'm very inclined to believe so after yesterday."
"As well as the program tied to the Administrator, the AbsoluteSolver." J clarified before receiving an agreeing nod from Mr. Jenson, standing corrected on his placing of blame.
Raising a hand, Nathan asked about the supposed plans. "Yeah, about this "Solver Project", what do we plan to do about that?"
"Good question, Nate." Tessa replied as she crossed her arms before looking to Jenson and beginning her explanation. "Initially, we were going to investigate the other factories spread across Earth in order to get some more info on the Administrator before things get worse. But, just this morning, it seems someone else saved us the trouble." Just as Tessa neared the end of her sentence, J held up the remote again, tapping a few buttons before the left monitor shifted to show a slightly grainy video onscreen.
The video only showed a single being, a worker drone, dressed in a chrome suit and bearing a set of yellow eyes. Behind them was what appeared to be a vacant room, a few shelves holding many books within them standing still in the back. The drone's visage indicated they were filled with immense anxiety, terrified of being caught as they spoke quietly to the camera.
"I can only hope someone gets this in time, they're gonna be on me once they find out the transmitter screens are down!" Turning the camera, he showed what appeared to be a large factory room, several more of the mysterious conveyor belts like at the factory slotted next to each other. It was hard to discern every detail due to not only the window reflection, but also the dark lighting in the inactive conveyor room. Filming the room beyond, the drone continued. "Dr. Halloway's a madman, he's got more of those stolen drones being brought here and he's going to be overseeing it in the afternoon tomorrow! I've seen what happened back in Nevada, I can't take this any longer! I'm at coordinates ##.######, -###.###### Please, send someo-"
The suspicious, partially scrambled transmission immediately cut off to static, leaving Wade, Tina, and their friends with confused expressions as Tessa spoke up. "Yeah, that caught me by surprise too."
"So, that guy says they got more drones being sent 'there', but... where is there, exactly?" Jasmine asked with immense curiosity.
"I was hoping you'd ask that, Mrs. Fowley." The technician replied as she glanced to J, who tapped a few more buttons on the remote before speaking over her boss-friend.
"While the transmission itself isn't much to work off of, our friends from Comms over here managed to intercept the signal earlier, and even better, discern where it originated from." As J started her explanation, the screen shifted once more to show a large city, with one skyscraper highlighted in red as it was zoomed towards on the screen. "That scrambled audio wasn't a simple glitch, it was intentionally done so as to hide key information for us to uncover. Upon cleaning up the message, we managed to recover a set of coordinates, which direct to this structure here, in San Francisco."
Wade and his friends stared at the building in shock, examining the tall structure as it stood over the shorter buildings in the city. Tina broke the silence in her gaze. "So, this is another factory? It looks... terribly different from the one we got out of."
"Not exactly, Mrs. Fowley." Mr. Jenson answered, Tina and the others looking to him as he continued. "THAT is the Administrator's main laboratory, its location was kept on the down low so other authorities and terrorist groups wouldn't find out what the buildings true purpose was." Sighing, Jenson completed his reply. "But, with this recent mistake of Halloway's, that place has lost all purpose for us at the company."
Wade raised a hand to speak. "So, we're going to pounce on that place? Get Halloway before he runs off again?"
"Exactly." General Hood replied as he looked up to Mr. Jenson. "This whole 'recovery/recruitment' effort has gotten out of hand all across Sol. We've gotten countless reports of people being killed because of this, be it the brutal robberies here in Nevada or the bloodbath on Ceres. Even if Mr. Jenson refuses to cooperate, this has become a dire matter for us now. One way or another, this insanity will be stopped with due haste."
The CEO nodded in acknowledgement before explaining his own plans for the mission. "Speaking of cooperation, upon seeing what was happening at Earth, I ordered a detachment of our corporate starships in orbit at the time to depart for Sol in order to help with investigating the situation. They're not warships, but they are well-armed. I'll dispatch them to your authority upon concluding this call." Glancing to Wade and his team for a moment, Jenson continued. "As for the mission, I may not have much of a say, but let it be known that you have my blessing to do whatever it takes to end this madness. I don't care what you do with Halloway or any of his lackeys, or what happens to that facility down there... I want that program shut down."
"Thank you for the extra hands, Mr. Jenson. We'll make sure this Administrator is dealt with." Hood replied gratefully as Wade sat firm in his seat, Tina and the others following suite.
"General?" The former worker drone said aloud, catching Hood's attention before he made his request. "I know I'm not a soldier, but I want to help with dealing with Halloway and his grunts. After what he did, after losing my brother, I can't rest until I see that man stopped."
Tina raised a finger as well. "As do I, Wade could use a hand with those people, and given how we did during our escape run out of that place, I think the two of us make quite the duo." She glanced to Wade with a smirk as she referenced their combat prowess when flying together.
Nathan and F stood up before the latter gave her own request. "Sir, I wish to take part in this mission as well. I can also recommend Wade for you too, as I fought alongside him during the factory raid."
"Wouldn't mind giving a hand myself! And I'm sure my pal Kurtis would love to help, he's here at the base too!" Nathan added with a confident smirk, the group's determination encouraging Jasmine to stand up as well.
"I'd like to help too." She stated simply, a smile on her face as the general and his companions observed the five guests.
Admittedly, Hood knew it would be a bit absurd to allow these people to take part in an operation which would certainly involve bloodshed, especially considering most of them merely had civilian status at the moment. But, upon careful evaluation of the five, their desire to see this problem dealt with, and the fact that some of them had experience on the field...
He paused his train of thought as Captain Mitchell spoke to him. "General? I read up on the Fowleys' files when we recovered Mrs. Jasmine here, they provided service in their early careers." He smirked to the pilot sisters as he finished adding his say. "And to be frank, we need more people like them here. The records we have of them showed them to be damn fine pilots."
Tina blushed at the praise from Mitchell as she spoke to the general. "That is true, we uh... did get discharged for our... 'fancy maneuvering'."
"Sir?" Jasmine said, the general's attention on her as she added to the conversation. "Even if our flying is a bit out of protocol, Tina saved a lot of people on that starjet a few days back. I can promise you, she's an excellent woman to have at the wheel."
Glancing to Wade again, Hood took in his face, one of begging desperation as he spoke once more. "Please, Sir. My brother, the troops he brought from the Coalition, Halloway's gotten them all killed cause of this. I want to do this. I HAVE to do this, at least for them."
The good general took a deep, quiet breath, considering his decision once more before finally revealing it to Wade and his friends. "Mr. Carter, Fowleys? I'm probably making myself a fool for saying this, but you're permitted to assist us in this mission."
The drone couple contained their gratefulness in the form of ecstatic grins as Wade replied to the general. "Thanks, General. We won't let you down."
"And Mrs. Lee?" Hood said as he glanced to F, who returned the gesture as he told her, "You're technically under Mr. Jenson's authority, whatever his answer is, it's mine as well."
Bringing her yellow-orange eyes to her CEO, F awaited Mr. Jenson's answer. "F, yes? I heard Mr. Hood call you by a different name just now, I assume you have some experience with the army?"
The warrior drone nodded as she explained herself. "I once inherited the name of Felicity Lee, Mr. Jenson. I served under the USN Defense Forces before joining the DD Division." Then, glancing to the military staff near her, she finished with, "I had hoped to provide my enhancements to the Force one day."
Jenson gave a hint of a proud smile as he finally gave his decision. "Well, it seems you'll finally get that chance. From now on, even after this mission on Earth is over with, you're hereby dispatched to serve under the USN."
F admittedly couldn't hide her excited smirk as she flung a salute to her now former boss. "Thank you Sir!"
Looking up to Jenson, General Hood asked the CEO, "Mr. Jenson, how long until your ships can reach Earth?"
Jenson glanced down at his communication console as he answered the military leader. "At max speed, their Ion drives should be able to bring them into orbit in as little as one to two days. I believe there should be some ships within the system that could help as well."
"Signal them when you can, Mr. Jenson. We could use all the help we can get from them." The CEO nodded to Hood as he stood firmly to the viewer, the general turning to face Wade and his colleagues. "And Mr. Carter? We'll be mobilizing our forces immediately after this meeting concludes. It'll be a minute, but I want you to gather whatever items and belongings you'll need for this operation. Be ready to head to the flight pads in no more than three hours."
"Understood Sir!" Wade said with a salute, Tina, Jasmine and Nathan giving their own as Jasmine raised a finger.
"What about the area around the lab? That place looks like it's in the middle of the city."
J raised a finger as she told Jasmine and the others about their resolution of the civilian obstacle. "Shortly after reporting our findings on the transmission, Hood told us that they were sending in some teams to clear out the civilian population within several miles of the facility. Once we get there, it should be of no concern."
Jasmine sighed in relief as Tina spoke up. "So the people should be safe from any sort of danger?"
"Correct, Mrs. Tina." Preston answered before continuing. "Given the resistance Halloway and his men showed during the Coalition's raid, they most certainly won't hold back there."
"One more thing, Sir." Nathan asked. "The Coalition's going to help us out with this too, right?"
"You can count on it, Mr. Nathan." The Vickers' captain replied as he looked to J, then to Jenson as he spoke further. "I met the leader of the Coalition's detachment working with us when I was introduced to J and Mrs. Elliott here, they intend to see this conflict finished. I highly doubt they're willing to sit back and let us do this by ourselves."
"And their help will be much appreciated." Hood added, everyone's attention returned to him as he looked to Tessa, curious eyes scanning her holographic form. "And Mrs. Elliott, if I may. Do you mind heading down here to assist us in our investigations later on?"
"Funny you say that, General. I'm almost done with my own snooping around on the JCJ up in orbit, Cyn has some small departments of hers aboard, and I thought I'd gather some more intel before coming down." Glancing to Mr. Jenson, she saw him giving an understanding nod before returning her gaze to the military staff. "I should be down there by the evening, judging by where you're located."
"Do what you must, Mrs. Elliott. We could use whatever you find." Hood replied firmly as he turned once more to the JCJenson CEO. "Thank you for your time, Mr. Jenson. We will get to the bottom of this."
"It's my pleasure, General." Glancing to J and Tessa, he spoke to them once more. "J? Contact me when you've finished with Halloway and his Administrator."
"It'll be done, Mr. Jenson." The obedient servant answered before saluting firmly, receiving a final nod from her boss before he ended the transmission.
With their off-world guest out of the way, Hood looked to Wade and his friends, J, Tessa and Captain Mitchells sharing the gaze with them as the general spoke to them in finality. "Well, you know what comes next everyone. You're all dismissed for now. And remember, landing zone by 1300."
"We'll be there Sir." Wade said with a nod as he and his friends stood up, pushing in their chairs before making their way out to the door.
As they neared it, Wade stopped for a moment as they heard Hood call to one of his friends. "And F?" The soldier drone looked to the general as he continued. "Before we depart, would you mind changing your uniform? I believe it could help with identifying you from the other disassembly drones more easily." Glancing to J, then back to F, he finished with, "I recall hearing about the most formidable drones having clones prepared, yes?"
"Correct, Sir. I'll stop by the nearest barracks while I can." F replied before turning back to the door with her colleagues, Wade opening the door for them all as they passed through. After them, Wade passed through himself, shutting the door to the meeting room as he returned to the lobby.
Walking about together, F spoke to Wade and the others. "Well, that went smoothly. I'll be heading down to the barracks, then head over to your place to help out."
"Actually," Wade replied, raising a finger up as he asked his fellow murder drone, "You think you could bring your friends over? We could get to know each other while we're getting ready."
F glanced to Nathan with a smile before returning her eyes to Wade. "I could see about that. You're gonna like them, I can promise you that."
Taking Tina's hand, Wade walked with his girlfriend alongside Jasmine and the others, nearing the hallway they came through as they prepared for the walk back to the apartment.

Wade's visor beeped to life as his alarm system went off, the murder drone's clock showing the time, "8:00 AM", changing to his green-yellow eyes as he woke up. Tina's visor activated as well, the drone girl's own alarm activating she awakened from slumber with Wade.
Stifling a yawn, Wade looked to Tina as he rubbed her back, easing her as she rose upright. "Good morning, sweetie."
"Morning, Wade." Tina replied quietly as she looked to Wade, the two drones smiling warmly as they took in each other's presence. Noticing they were both almost completely bare of clothing, the two drones blushed as Wade began to move off the bed.
"Well, I should get something on." The former worker drone stated as they touched down on the floor, Tina grabbing her green shirt from the counter as she tried to get dressed as well.
"So should I." Tina said back as she put the shirt on, memories of their recent night together still fluent in her mind as she slowly walked over to the kitchen.
The last hours of the past night had been calm for the most part, Wade and his friends detailing their tragic capture, the loss of his brother Ron, the rescue of the drones, and finally, Tina and Wade's miraculous escape from the factory before returning to the base. After the chatter in the bar, the group split off to go their separate ways for the time being, Jasmine going with Wade and Tina to help them into her place before leaving them to watch it while she went to get some food for the next day. During their quiet stay in the apartment, Wade and Tina made small talk over what to do in the future before having what humans would call a... very pleasant night together.
And now, with the new day approaching, the drone couple had to get ready for whatever came ahead. Walking over to his clothes on one of the vacant chairs in the living room, Wade picked up his shirt, slapping it on him before glancing to Tina, who merely wore her copper brown pants and green shirt from yesterday. Smiling at his girlfriend, Wade spoke to her as he turned back around to continue redressing himself. "Seems Jasmine went out somewhere this morning. I don't see her anywhere."
Tina listened to Wade as she inspected the counter, noticing a small sticky note lying on it as she took hold of it. Tina could tell it was left by Jasmine, given the handwriting. The note said, "Morning you two! Went to get some food I forgot to pick up, I should be back shortly after you wake up. - Jasmine"
The pilot drone smiled as she read her sister's note, then turning to the living room to speak to Wade. "She went to get some breakfast, we should expect her to come back any minute now." Opening the fridge, Tina grabbed two cool cans of oil, one for herself and another for Wade. Setting the cans down on the counter, Tina closed the fridge before taking hold of the cans again, taking them with her to the living room where a fully dressed Wade now resided at.
As Tina took a seat next to Wade on the couch, the disassembly drone examined his built-in smartcomm, trying to add all the still active contacts he remembered off the top of his circuits as he spoke to Tina. "It's gonna be hard, being my own person without Ron." Chuckling, Wade smirked at Tina, finding himself unsure at his own words. "Or maybe I'm just overreacting."
Tina chortled at Wade's inconfidence as she tried to bring him some, handing him one of the oil beverages as she spoke. "I think you'll do fine, honey. I've run into some disrespectful humans in my life too."
Wade nodded in understanding as he took a sip of the oil, the sound of the front door opening catching the drones' attention as Jasmine walked in. Carrying a paper bag full of food items, the human pilot spoke aloud. "Morning, you two! Just had to finish an errand I screwed up last night."
"Oh, it's not a problem for us, Jass." Wade replied as he took a sip of his oil, Tina looking over to the kitchen wall as she listened to her sister.
"How was your night? You lovers passed out on me when I came in, so I just rested on the couch." The lover drones gave looks of apologetic concern as Jasmine walked back into the living room, the woman noticing Wade and Tina's faces as she continued speaking. "It's nothing, though. I slept well."
"I hope so, we didn't mean to take up the whole bed." Tina responded as she gave a blush of embarrassment, Wade nodding in agreement as Jasmine replied back.
"I did, really. Besides, you two deserved the bed after all you put up with yesterday. Gotta have some place to blow some steam."
Wade and Tina smiled at Jasmine's comment, then blushed as Wade questioned about her phrasing. "Wait, you mean that as a euphemism or...?"
A knock at the door shut up the discussion, Wade standing up as he offered to handle the visitors. "I'll get the door." Tina nodded as he walked over to the apartment entrance, checking the small peephole before opening the door. Looking down, he saw two beings: a human and drone soldier whom he assumed were from the Coalition given their specific body gear.
While he took notice of the militia duo, the drone soldier spoke up to him. "Good morning, we're looking for a..." He lifted up what appeared to be an ID card, Wade glancing at the object as he heard the drone continue his question. "...Wade Carter? We heard he resided here since last night." Looking to Wade again, the drone stopped himself upon finishing his sentence, then picking himself up as he spoke further. "Come to think of it, you look like him."
Wade smiled warmly as he spoke to the two guests. "That's right. You need something?"
"Eh, more like the other way around, actually." The drone soldier replied as he handed Wade the ID, the former worker drone taking it in his hands as he glanced over it. The ID showed him from when he was still a worker drone, but was thankfully untarnished from the factory as Wade held it tightly. Before he could speak, the human soldier handed him a pouch carrying what Wade presumed were a few more of his personal belongings. The drone soldier spoke once more as Wade took the pouch. "We found these while scavenging the storage bays at the factory, we've been heading around delivering them back to those they belong to."
Wade smiled brightly before finally speaking in a grateful tone. "Thanks, Sirs. If there's anything I can do to help, just let me know."
The two soldiers nodded as the human one replied. "Just doing our job, Mr. Carter. Have a pleasant morning." With that, the troopers departed the apartment complex, leaving Wade to himself as he shut the door.
Heading back inside, Tina and Jasmine looked to Wade as the former spoke to him. "Who was that?"
"Just some boys from the Coalition, and just like Nathan said, they finally found my ID!" Wade answered before showing the card off, Tina grinned happily as she saw it, Jasmine giving a simple smile as he spoke further. "Feels good to have it back, I think that was what was keeping me down a little yesterday."
"Well, at least you won't have to worry about that anymore." Tina replied as Wade put the card in his pocket, taking his seat again before setting the pouch at his legs. Taking notice of the pouch, Tina asked, "What's in that? Battery candy?"
Wade shook his head as he began pulling out the items inside the bag, speaking to Tina as he examined them. "Oh, no, looks like some more of my belongings." Once he was done, Wade put the pouch on the couch's cup holder, on the space behind the drink holders themselves. The items were other various cards and papers with various personal information of Wades written on them, along with Wade's wallet. Wade found it almost comical that the items were all separated from each other, rather than being inside the wallet after getting cleared out.
Tina seemed to agree with Wade's thoughts as he began reinserting the cards into his wallet. "Well, that's silly. They just put everything in that little pouch instead of putting it all back in that thing."
Wade chuckled as he put his ID into the frontal window pocket of the wallet. "Yeah, guess they had to clear every little part of it before sending it off." As he finished restocking his wallet, Wade glanced to the pouch before continuing. "Besides, that IS a nice pouch."
"It sure is." Tina replied before taking another sip of her oil can, Wade putting his wallet away as she spoke again. "On another subject, however, you think we should go see if Nathan's around? Him and Kurtis could come by and have some small talk."
Wade nodded as he started to speak, but stopped as Jasmine spoke first. "Actually, I ran into F earlier while at the market. I heard from her that Nathan was going to be joining her for a date later this afternoon." Glancing to Wade, she finished with, "So he might be already busy for the moment."
Taking his own oil can, Wade shrugged his arm as he replied. "Eh, no problem with that. Don't wanna kill a growing relationship, now do we?"
Tina chuckled lightly as she agreed with her boyfriend. "Indeed, if it were us, they'd probably do the same fo-"
The chatter stopped as another knock sounded at the door, Wade moving to get up again as he glanced to the ladies in confusion. "Another visitor?"
"You think it could be F?" Tina made a wild guess as Wade approached the door, glancing out the peephole in slight surprise before opening the door.
Wade felt as if their talk about the Ceres couple had been a form of summoning as he saw F and Nathan standing at the door, bearing strangely serious expressions as they were greeted by the former worker drone. "F! Nathan! Funny timing, we were just talking about you. Come on in, have a seat."
As the two walked past Wade, F pat him on the shoulder as she spoke to him. "As much as I'd like to visit Wade, I'm afraid we're not gonna be here long, nor are you and the Fowleys."
Wade raised an eyebrow at her reply as he followed Nathan and F, the two simply standing in front of Tina and Jasmine as Wade returned to the living room. "Oh?"
"We're leaving? Should we get dressed and pack our things ASAP?" Tina asked with mild concern as F replied to her.
"Yep, you're on the ball with getting ready, but we're... not exactly leaving." The disassembly drone's words brought a confused face from Tina as Nathan clarified his crush.
"We got a call from J, just as we were heading to one of the diners here." The two drones paused for a moment, glancing to each other as they almost spewed out about their date, but shook it off as Nathan continued with little hesitation. "She told us that Tessa had intercepted some kind of transmission, one that might help us clear up this situation with the company faster than we initially thought."
F gave an affirming nod on Nathan's explanation before adding to it. "Her and J are playing host to a meeting held by the general stationed here, and she wants us to attend." Glancing over Wade and the Fowley sisters, she finished the explanation with, "They especially want you two to come as well, given what you both went through."
Wade and Tina gave blushes of embarrassment at the news, honored by the invitation but also a little uncomfortable with their elevated status as they glanced to each other. After taking a moment to process what they heard, Wade broke the silence. "Well, I did make that promise at the factory, and to J and Tessa earlier... and I intend on acting on said promise." Looking to Tina, his girlfriend gave an agreeing nod as she stood up with him.
"Glad to hear it. We don't have to be in that much of a rush, though, the meeting doesn't start until 10." F stated, Wade and Tina both glancing at the clock to check the time before looking back to their murder drone friend with nods of acknowledgement.
Standing up from her chair, Jasmine stretched as she announced her goals to the room. "Well, in that case, I should hit the shower."
"Right, I'll get myself fixed up too." Tina replied as she looked to Wade, the two sharing warm smiles before heading to the kitchen. Noticing the still unstored items on the counter, Tina spoke aloud. "Jasmine? You mind if Wade and I help store the groceries in the cabinets here?"
"Sure, thanks!" Jasmine answered in a grateful tone as she went off to the bathroom in the back of the apartment, Tina glancing to Wade as she began to take some food out of the bag.
"I'll get the refrigerated stuff." Wade stated simply as he took some items out of the bag, Tina putting her chosen food stuffs into one of the cabinets as they worked to unload the fresh consumables from Jasmine's errand.

meditation is not a practice that you do. Meditation is simply what you are. it takes no effort at all to be what you effortlessly are. your awareness never requires any maintenance nor any effort at all to simply be aware. you need to make an effort only so that you can come to the realization that it was always effortless the entire time. effortlessness is our most natural and unique divine quality but most are disconnected from their pure self and have adopted beLIEfs about who they are which is the source of their suffering. Very important to understand that this is not personal in any way shape or form. I have recently come to realize that God is very logical and runs the universe in a way that we all can unanimously agree on deep down in everyone's soul we all unanimously agree with God's way whether we want to or not simply because the spirit in all of us can't help but agree with it absolutely. The physical version of us can easily lie to itself but our spirit is incapable of it. If you suffer It could only be because you deserve to suffer. Although we have always been strategically and purposefully told by our society that "life is not fair!!!" Big surprise it turns out the society that man has wrought is ass backwards in every way shape and form. It's not the world that's upside down it's the society that makes it seem that way. The truth is the universe is perfectly Fair. It's just that humans are incredibly skilled at lying to themselves. So they are not aware of why they deserve to suffer. I have always been one who has been incapable of lying to myself. For example, most people are proud or feel arrogance and superiority because they possess some great quality. This is only possible because they are skilled at lying to themselves and ignore the fact that everything amazing about them could only be seen as a gift from God and any imperfection within us can only come from us as individual people. You have to be an amazing liar to your self to ever feel arrogance or any sense of superiority above others. We are all given our own unique special gifts from God and he did not give you these gifts expecting to be thanked or for any ulterior motive other than out of pure love. It is simply a fact that you unknowingly spit in the face of this great pure love if you pretend that anything good about you comes from you the individual person. Of course if it did come from you you would be worthy to feel Superior and dominate others but God is the living breathing proof of one who is Worthy to feel Superior and look down on anything and yet he doesn't do it. So if anybody who is unworthy dare to dominate, control, or even feel Superior to another they commit a great great sin against the universe itself. And their own soul will punish itself knowing full well it deserves it. I have always been painfully painfully aware of why I deserved whatever I deserved. And thanks to my special gift God allowed me to be the kind of person that is incapable of lying to themselves. I'm aware of the fact that Humility is the only thing I ever truly deserve to feel. we resist feeling this humility only because we resist our suffering. Suffering has never been our enemy just like the pain you feel when you touch a hot stove is not our enemy but our very important friend that you would be smart to listen to. Understanding this allows you to never again feel like suffering is something to complain about instead it becomes a grand opportunity for growth. Another gift that God gave me was an insatiable desire for growth that only an infinite and eternal God can satisfy. This is why my entire life God has never allowed me to feel Pride or arrogance without severely teaching me a lesson and putting me in my place. God has been drilling the lesson of humility into my head above all other lessons my entire life. Humility is the Foundation of all my spiritual growth. There's two other super important lessons he made sure I mastered before truly revealing himself to me. And I believe that if anyone were to fully learn just these three specific lessons he made sure I learned above all others then you too would be worthy of seeing his glory. You could be perfect in almost every way but haven't fully learned three fundamental things he simply cannot bless you the way he wants to because you simply wouldn't deserve it. And if you have many many flaws but you somehow are able to fully understand three specific things then you will earn so much of his love and respect that he will personally take care of your other flaws in time and put you on a fast track to your own unique perfection.you let go of control simply by realizing that you don't have it in the first place. the only control we have is whether or not we accept what ever comes and goes. the one who realizes that realizes control is overrated. it's much easier to flow in harmony and allow the universe to do all the work for you cuz it is you silly. effortlessness is our most natural quality but most are disconnected from their pure self and have adopted belief of who they are which is the source of their suffering. thus giving birth to the false sense of personhood. a mere illusion that we cling to and overlook our true selves which is always present but seemingly overshadowed by the mind. it's very rare for me to find one who can not only follow me in this but also speak profound truth on the matter. The self within me is the same self within you. to connect love and inspire those who also know that we are not two is pretty damn cool if you ask me. there is nothing that I enjoy doing more than this haha. You beautiful bums do you not realize 😍 it is your experience at any given moment you can verify that this awareness we all have an experience of is ever present and unchanging? although I love ABSOLUTELY ALL equally and unconditionally. the way that I feel for another being who Has also walked the narrow path and can stand next to me shoulder to shoulder or better yet way Beyond me in terms of wisdom never as a mere follower but as an equal goes far beyond any word that could possible exist. I will give you nothing. all I will do is ask the question and you yourself have to testify that this awareness that you KNOW that YOU are is ever present and unchanging. every single person on the planet if they would only investigate themselves would come to the exact same conclusion within themselves. and if they only knew the implications of such a profound discovery their minds would be blown Sky High. for the past 10 years I've been pondering one profound matter and it wasn't until about 7 years did I barely begin to really understand it's depths. and 3 years later I now find myself to just begin to walk the path of understanding. there is no end to this path I'm on. there is an infinite amount of growth ahead of me. my journey to reaching this point has been one drenched in failure and suffering. I have fallen in every single trap possible many many times until I eventually matured slowly but surely in my awareness of these traps and adjusted to not only not falling anymore traps but pass every single test that the universe constantly loves to throw at me with flying colors. I went through all that pain and suffering so that I may be a light too those Souls who attempt to walk a similar path as me. although in comparison to the whole of humanity only a handful will bare the fruits they were supposed to. I have a feeling it's going to be a pretty damn good handful. my instincts tell me I'm far from alone and that many have walked a similar narrow Road. I do not often come across those who have an ear to hear that which I speak. I've had to learn the hard way to stop giving precious jewelry to swine and instead save it for those Worthy even if it means waiting a long time to find such a being. The universe loves to remind me that it appreciates me greatly for trying my very best with great passion to teach another that which I have understood but it seems like it's only meant for those who have a level of discernment that is extremely Sharp enough to see through all the b******* but not throw away the precious baby with the bathwater. the truth that I have found is so simple that most humans will simply Overlook or not be able to sense the importance of it because they don't realize the beauty of the most simple truth that if you investigate enough transforms into the most profound and never-ending mystery. leave it to God who is the source of all paradoxes to hide the most profound thing in existence right under everybody's noses in plain sight making it seem so simple that the vast majority of all beings who have ever lived are incapable of appreciating it and instead live and die never tasting or knowing themselves. Its always been my sincere Love Of Truth that has kept me forever Rising through an ocean of darkness. all the pain and suffering that life throws at anyone is Beyond worth it if one can just manage to learn the specific lesson that accompanied them. to not learn the lesson would be a waste of that suffering. I am one who has not wasted a single drop of it. I'm just a humble servant of this grand life. there is no greater honor in life than to be a servant of it. the true definition of a king is one who dedicates their life in service of their precious kin their beloved brethren. all beings are equal and deserving of dignity and respect, this is simply common sense to one who knows themselves. A servant of nature is what I'm hoping they will call me when I'm dead. It's okay, it's never too late. unconditional love really does exist and You can see for yourself it's infinite. I AM one who effortlessly wields this all powerful force we call LOVE. an infinity love that encompasses all. a love so mighty that no one could ever hope to Escape it's grasp no matter how hard they try. You see... That is a rare gift. A love that knows no bounds.

1. Sonder: The protagonist, while people-watching in a crowded city square, experiences a profound sonder moment, realizing the intricate stories of those around them.
   
2. Énouement: On their 30th birthday, the protagonist reflects on the énouement of their life, pondering the unexpected twists and turns that led them to this moment.
   
3. Chrysalism: During a cozy thunderstorm, the protagonist finds solace in their home, reveling in the chrysalism of raindrops tapping on the window.
   
4. Monachopsis: Attending a high-society event, the protagonist, feeling out of place, grapples with monachopsis in a sea of unfamiliar faces.
   
5. Liberosis: After a life-changing event, the protagonist embraces liberosis, letting go of trivial concerns and embarking on a minimalist lifestyle.
   
6. Vellichor: Exploring an old, dusty library, the protagonist inhales the vellichor of aged books, each telling a story of bygone eras.
   
7. Anecdoche: In the midst of a lively party, the protagonist engages in an anecdoche, trying to share a personal story amid the chaotic chatter.
   
8. Jouska: The protagonist engages in a silent jouska, rehearsing a conversation with a loved one that they never have the courage to voice.
   
9. Nighthawk: Alone in their thoughts during a sleepless night, the protagonist experiences nighthawk, contemplating the choices that brought them to this insomnia.
   
10. Occhiolism: Gazing at the vast night sky, the protagonist grapples with occhiolism, feeling infinitesimally small in the grand cosmos.
    
11. Lachesism: The protagonist, seeking a thrill, faces lachesism head-on by participating in extreme sports, craving the adrenaline rush.
    
12. Rubatosis: During a moment of anxiety, the protagonist becomes acutely aware of their own heartbeat, experiencing rubatosis in a tense situation.
    
13. Exulansis: Unable to convey a deeply personal experience, the protagonist faces exulansis, resigning to the solitude of their unshared story.
    
14. Sonderlust: Inspired by wanderlust, the protagonist embraces sonderlust, setting off on a journey to explore diverse cultures and connect with strangers.
    
15. Limerence: The protagonist, captivated by someone new, grapples with the intoxicating effects of limerence, navigating the complexities of infatuation.
    
16. Altschmerz: The protagonist, burdened by the weight of recurring issues, confronts altschmerz and seeks a new perspective on long-standing challenges.
    
17. Chiasmus: Engaging in a heated debate, the protagonist skillfully uses chiasmus to convey a powerful argument, leaving their opponent speechless.
    
18. Hiraeth: Visiting their childhood home after years away, the protagonist experiences hiraeth, longing for the simplicity of bygone days.
    
19. Xenization: Immersed in a foreign land, the protagonist grapples with xenization, navigating cultural differences and seeking a sense of belonging.
    
20. Petrichor: Walking through a rejuvenated forest after a rainstorm, the protagonist relishes in the petrichor, a reminder of nature's resilience.
    
21. Ineffable: Confronted with an indescribable beauty, the protagonist struggles with ineffable emotions, unable to capture the experience in words.
    
22. Resfeber: As they prepare for a significant journey, the protagonist feels resfeber, a mix of nervousness and excitement, anticipating the unknown.
    
23. Avenoir: Reflecting on a lost love, the protagonist yearns for avenoir, a glimpse into an alternate future where the relationship flourished.
    
24. Adronitis: Attending a crowded party, the protagonist experiences adronitis, the frustration of struggling to connect with others in the social chaos.
    
25. Chrysoprase: Discovering a hidden gem, the protagonist feels chrysoprase, an unexpected surge of joy and delight in the midst of daily life.
    
26. Fernweh: Looking at a world map, the protagonist succumbs to fernweh, a deep desire to explore distant lands and experience the unknown.
    
27. Zephyr: Standing on a cliff overlooking the ocean, the protagonist feels the gentle zephyr, contemplating the ephemeral nature of life.
    
28. Torschlusspanik: Approaching a significant life milestone, the protagonist grapples with torschlusspanik, fearing the narrowing of opportunities as time passes.
    
29. Cavil: Engaging in a philosophical discussion, the protagonist delights in cavil, exploring nuanced arguments and challenging conventional wisdom.
    
30. Mamihlapinatapai: Locked in a prolonged gaze with a potential romantic interest, the protagonist experiences mamihlapinatapai, the silent communication of mutual desire.
    
31. Nefelibata: The protagonist, lost in creative pursuits, embraces nefelibata, living in the clouds of their imagination and artistic expression.
    
32. Ubuntu: Faced with a communal challenge, the protagonist draws strength from ubuntu, a sense of shared humanity and collective support.
    
33. Boketto: Staring out of a window, the protagonist engages in boketto, lost in contemplation and daydreaming.
    
34. Hygge: Creating a cozy reading nook, the protagonist immerses themselves in hygge, finding comfort and contentment in simple pleasures.
    
35. Amae: Seeking reassurance, the protagonist experiences amae, leaning on loved ones for emotional support and connection.
    
36. Ukiyo: The protagonist, embracing a carefree lifestyle, embodies ukiyo, reveling in the fleeting pleasures of the present moment.
    
37. Sankofa: Confronted with personal growth, the protagonist embraces sankofa, learning from past experiences to shape a brighter future.
    
38. La douleur exquise: Receiving an unrequited love letter, the protagonist grapples with la douleur exquise, the exquisite pain of wanting someone unattainable.
    
39. Mudita: Witnessing a friend's success, the protagonist feels mudita, genuine joy and celebration for the happiness of others.
    
40. Yūgen: In a moment of deep introspection, the protagonist senses yūgen, an awareness of profound beauty and mystery in the universe.
    
41. Ikinokori: Surviving a life-threatening situation, the protagonist feels ikinokori, a heightened appreciation for the gift of life.
    
42. Ephemeral: Observing a butterfly's brief existence, the protagonist reflects on the ephemeral nature of beauty and life.
    
43. Thalassophile: Standing on a serene beach, the protagonist embraces their thalassophile nature, finding solace and connection with the sea.
    
44. Psithurism: Camping in a peaceful forest, the protagonist listens to the soothing psithurism of leaves rustling in the wind.
    
45. Obfuscate: Navigating a complex political situation, the protagonist strategically uses obfuscation to protect vital information.
    

Its taken me nearly 20 years to make sense of something I happened upon for the first time as a teenager.
There are said to be old service tunnels that run from the naval-shipyard to various locations under my hometown, believed to have been originally built around WWI. But In the early 1940s, the main tunnel was opened as a fallout shelter capable of holding 10,000 people . The rest of the tunnels were supposedly closed off when new construction around town occurred in the 1970s. My grandpa worked construction on what at the time was to be the tallest building in town, adorned with a clock at the peak. He like to brag about having "put a hand on nearly every rock in that build'n" or saying "I remember when that was a pile of rubble until we worked on it". He also liked to say "There are still many old places that hold many old secrets for those brave enough to seek them" but I assumed that he meant the bottom of a bottle.
The main streets are a reminder of the infrastructure built in the 1930s and 40s. Many of the businesses on the street were the ground level of a larger office or warehouse buildings. Some were single story buildings, shoehorned in between the larger ones. There is also a Masonic Lodge history with the town. They built the original temple way back then, and then a couple decades later, built another building and moved there. Their presence is clearly noticeable in the architecture all over the town. There are even plenty of houses in town that were built in the same fashion.
It's amazing how small town gossip can be passed down from generation to generation. I first heard about the tunnels as a young boy from a classmate in the second grade. She said that her dad worked on the base(it’s a naval shipyard) and was an important man because they had an escape tunnel under her house. I think I believed her at the time but I never really saw her after around that point. Even at that age I associated her as a Navy brat. I just assumed they moved.
I never really gave it much thought though until I was about 16, in the year 2005. I was a punk teen. I smoked weed and cigarettes as often as I could. I skipped a lot of school, choosing to go get fucked up and skateboard on private property somewhere. I spent a lot of time all over the town and in the most secluded locations. As a skater I'm telling you there were/are some sick spots! A majority of the buildings are that original brick masonry. Stair cases, gaps, banks, ledges, rails. The biggest problem is that skateboarding was a form of vandalism to public property. It was that year after enough people kept getting into trouble that the skaters of our community petitioned city-hall to have a skatepark built. They listened and even let us help design it. It definitely mimics some of the most popular aspects from downtown.
I stumbled upon the first of the tunnel entrances down an alleyway in downtown. The kicker is that, of course it was past midnight and of course I had been drinking and smoking pot. But that's also why I was in the alleys. Anyone hanging out there wasn't looking for any attention. Yes looking back I regret doing all the stupid things I did. I knew the area like the back of my hand but for some reason I was never able to find an entrance while sober. The alley way is particularly remarkable and I had been down it numerous times before. It’s the only one that has a man bridge over the alley connecting two separate buildings. It’s like a hallway fully enclosed with windows, matching the appearance of the buildings. I had just passed under it and to the next building where a smaller dumpster sat. The dumpster had one side pulled away from the building it was butted up against. It was dark but I could see a gaping dark hole behind and underneath the dumpster. I pulled my lighter out to reveal a staircase leading under the building. It was hard to see but I could tell from the edges of the opening that there was supposed to be a metal or wooden cover.
Intrigued I pulled out my old Nokia cellphone. The screen albeit small and dim, it did glow and in the dark-dark was better than nothing. I didn't want to burn myself and wanted to conserve my lighter for other things. I don't know why exactly I felt I needed to but I dropped down behind the dumpster to the stairwell and held my phone up high like a lantern. The stairs went down maybe 15 steps to a flat that went through a doorway on the left. Curiosity out weighed rationality in those days and I made my way down to the flat as quietly as I could. As the last bit of ambient light and noise from the dark quiet alley disappeared, the calm stagnant air in the concrete passage way that acted like an echo chamber was a stark shift in environment.
There was a hallway beyond the doorway that was extremely narrow and not very long. It was only wide enough for one person. It was probably 15 feet in length or so. As I slowly proceeded, the hallway dumped out into a much larger tunnel. I remember thinking "a bus could fit through here!" and it stretched far beyond the dim lights reach of my Nokia. I debated on whether I should just head back and decided now was an appropriate time to spark up a smoke, which didn't mix well with the stale air. Replacing my light source with the flame from my lighter provided enough light to see a panel of switches on the wall next to the smaller tunnel. I flipped one and the main tunnel lit up surprisingly, popping a humming to life. It was at least a football field in length. There were a few other similar little tunnels in various locations along this larger one.
As I was taking in just how long it was I peered from one end to the other and down at the farthest end was what looked like a person. The realization snapped me out of my wonderment. I was now uneasy at the thought that someone was down here just hanging out in the darkness. The more I focused on the figure the more it appeared that it was just standing down there staring at me. I looked the other direction but didn't notice anyone or anything. Taking a drag as I looked back towards the figure who I was now significantly closer to, I stopped in mid step. I hadn't been aware of it but I had been walking towards the figure. That's when everything in my body told me to leave now. And in that very moment the figure began running at me full sprint. There was no time to make sense of how or why I was walking towards the figure or why I was even down here in the first place as I turned running as fast as I could.
When I got to the smaller tunnel I took the opportunity to glance back over my shoulder while rounding the corner. To my absolute terror the figure was right where I was when I started running. I could hear the foot steps echoing off every surface followed with the creepiest snarling. I hit the stairs skipping three or four steps at a time. The light from the night city sky poured over the remaining steps and I nearly forgot the drop I had made getting down there. As I reached for the side of the stair well to pull my self up I could here that thing hit the stairs. With every ounce of adrenaline I heaved myself up and rolled out into the alley. Frantically I picked myself up and rammed into the dumpster closing the gap and began to head to the main street. That night I sprinted the nearly 1.5 miles back home without stopping or looking back.
I wish I could say that I forgot about that night and the tunnels to save myself some sanity in life. If I had only known this was the beginning of something much older and darker than I could have imagined. It took me a few weeks to shake the initial shock of that encounter. Eventually I went back during the day but couldn't even find the dumpster. I put it out of my mind until about six months later when an opportunity came up to visit with my grandpa...

Game Information

Game Title: Senua's Saga: Hellblade II
Platforms:

• Xbox Series X/S (May 21, 2024)
• PC (May 21, 2024)

Trailers:

• Senua’s Saga: Hellblade II – Official Trailer The Game Awards 2023
• Senua's Saga: Hellblade II - The Senua Trailer Xbox Games Showcase 2023

Developer: Ninja Theory
Publisher: Xbox Game Studios
Review Aggregator:
OpenCritic - 84 average - 86% recommended - 55 reviews
MetaCritic - 81 average - 34 reviews

Critic Reviews

AltChar - Asmir Kovacevic - 95 / 100

Few games in recent times have been able to do what Senua's Saga: Hellblade 2 has done: make me feel so engaged and immersed that I wish the feeling would never stop. It is a game that will keep you in constant awe throughout the playtime with its fantastic and mysterious story, incredible graphic and sound presentation and realistic and brutal combat that will keep you on the edge of your seat the entire time.

But Why Tho? - Mick Abrahamson - 7.5 / 10

Senua’s Saga: Hellblade II won’t be for everyone. But if you are looking for a brutal continuation of a fantastic story that feels like you’re actually playing a movie, you’ll have a great time here.

CGMagazine - Justin Wood - 7 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade 2 starts incredibly strong in the first half, but after certain revelations, the story speeds up to a point where the conclusion feels rushed and half-baked.

COGconnected - Mark Steighner - 95 / 100

It has been a very long time since I played a game as assured, polished, and emotionally affecting as Senua’s Saga: Hellblade 2.

Cerealkillerz - Steve Brieller - German - 7.9 / 10

If you expect an immersive but not so interactive “game”, Senua’s Saga Hellblade II delivers a short yet intense experience. Ninja Theory has once again skillfully created an impressive atmosphere, as they did in Senua’s Sacrifice. Unfortunately, the issues remain as well: Puzzles and combat are too easy and there is no variety in either. So please keep in mind, that this is more a Hellblade 1.5 than a true sequel.

Checkpoint Gaming - Charlie Kelly - 10 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II is well worth the wait and is a serious game of the year contender. Senua's follow-up journey is the best exploration of mental health that we've seen in games to date, using incredibly striking visual imagery, metaphors and immersive soundscapes to have you feel right there next to her. In what has to be the most photo-realistic game of all time, you're guaranteed to be constantly taken by the hero's adventure as you take in the beautiful and often haunting Viking Iceland. Through mud and dirt, blood and bones, Senua and Ninja Theory in turn bare all to you, the player. A masterpiece, benchmark and magnum opus, Hellblade II is crucial storytelling you won't soon forget.

Console Creatures - Patrick Tremblay - Recommended

With Senua's Saga: Hellblade 2, Ninja Theory shows that video games can be more than simple entertainment: they can be profound artistic and emotional explorations, capable of touching and transforming those who play them. This is an unforgettable journey into the heart of Iceland's darkness, where every step of Senua is a step towards self-discovery.

Digital Trends - Tomas Franzese - 4 / 5

Senua's Saga: Hellblade 2 is a visual stunner for Xbox even if its gameplay isn't too creative.

Echo Boomer - David Fialho - Portuguese - Essential

Ninja Theory has finally delivered the long-awaited and provocative sequel to Hellblade, with one of the most impressive interactive cinematic experiences of the generation, which makes you question what is real and leaves you dreaming of the graphic potential of future games still on current consoles.

Enternity.gr - Christos Chatzisavvas - Greek - 9.5 / 10

With Senua's Saga: Hellblade II, Ninja Theory builds the game it dreamed of, creating a title on a larger scale than any other.

Eurogamer - Johnny Chiodini - 5 / 5

Hellblade 2 continues Senua's story with grace, confidence, surprising brutality and thundering conviction.

GAMES.CH - Olaf Bleich - German - 89%

The game sucks you skin and hair into its fantasy world and creates such an intense bond with the characters and their stories that you want to know at every second how the adventure ends.

Game Informer - Marcus Stewart - 9 / 10

Senua’s Saga: Hellblade II’s conclusion ends on another strong note, and despite my initial reservations about continuing Senua’s story, I walked away happy to see her conquer new monsters, both literal and metaphorical.

GameSpot - Jess Cogswell - 6 / 10

Hellblade 2 is perhaps the most visually remarkable Xbox title to date, but is ultimately undermined by its emphasis on fidelity over story and gameplay.

GamingTrend - Cassie Peterson - 95 / 100

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II is a stunning and immersive storytelling experience that really puts the player into the mind of its titular character. It's even more narratively-focused than the first game (not to its detriment), with a bigger emphasis on how Senua sees and interacts with the world around her. The whole experience from start to finish has been beyond memorable.

Generación Xbox - Pedro del Pozo - Spanish - 9.3 / 10

Ninja Theory manages to place Senua in the Olympus of videogames with the most visually and sonorously powerful game we have seen so far. A spectacular, stunning and awe-inspiring journey.

IGN - Tristan Ogilvie - 8 / 10

Senua’s Saga: Hellblade II is another Viking-worthy feast for the senses that meets the high bar set by its predecessor, even if it never really manages to clear it.

INVEN - Soojin Kim - Korean - 8.5 / 10

The game's high level of immersion makes you want to play it from start to finish in one sitting. With outstanding audiovisual presentation and effects, it gives the feeling that you're playing a movie, not watching it. However, the gameplay elements, such as combat and puzzles, still lack significant meaning, which leads to rather disappoint feelings.

Kakuchopurei - Jonathan Leo - 80 / 100

While the story & gameplay's broad strokes might be familiar, Senua's Saga: Hellblade 2's execution, perspective, and overall production values are just stellar and highlights Ninja Theory's strengths in delivering what it does best: story-heavy cinematic gaming. The characters are fleshed out and well-written, with proper focus on your main character and her turmoils that carry over from the first game, the fighting feels weighty and challenging without being completely frustrating, and the HUD-less approach to presentation is welcome.

Kotaku - Claire Jackson - Unscored

A spellbinding meditation on anguish and compassion, Hellblade II delivers one of the most gripping interactive and sensory experiences of 2024

Merlin'in Kazanı - Murat Oktay - Turkish - 89 / 100

The chaotic story of Senua continues. We set out to take revenge on the Viking raiders who have inflicted devastating losses on the people of Orkney.

Metro GameCentral - GameCentral - 5 / 10

A joyless slog of barely interactive entertainment and a muddled portrayal of mental illness… that just so happens to have the best graphics ever on a video game console.

MondoXbox - Giuseppe Genga - Italian - 9.5 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II is a true masterpiece: a deep and highly immersive narrative experience that manages to make us feel all the protagonist's torment within an impressively realistic world. Ninja Theory reveals itself to be one of the most valuable studios in the Xbox stable here, reaching levels of absolute excellence in graphics, audio, narration, and acting. A must-play.

New Game Network - Alex Varankou - 70 / 100

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II keeps the basics intact, and while a strong lead character, great animations, and simple but enjoyable combat continue to deliver, the poor pacing and performance issues prevent this sequel from breaking free of its past.

Nexus Hub - Sam Aberdeen - 8 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II is the best-looking game we've ever played - a true visual powerhouse backed by an emotionally charged story and gripping dark fantasy setting, if you can look past some of its shortcomings.

One More Game - Chris Garcia - 9 / 10

Hellblade 2 is a triumph in masterful storytelling and impeccable audio design for Ninja Theory. It is an emotionally powerful experience that depicts a sensitive subject that is hardly talked about in the medium.
To achieve this, the game stripped out several features and systems like combat and exploration in favor of a deeper narrative affair. This is not for everyone, but it is something I would encourage everyone to try at least try out.

Oyungezer Online - Onur Kaya - Turkish - 8 / 10

Next gen graphics and presentation is now among us, next gen game design on the other hand, will be running late.

PC Gamer - Robin Valentine - 58 / 100

Despite its greater scale and visual splendour, this sequel fails to escape the shadow of its predecessor with a muddled tale that Senua herself feels out of place in.

PCGamesN - Cheri Faulkner - 9 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade 2 is an impeccable story of coming to terms with trauma and making difficult decisions, punctuated by moments of outstanding beauty and strength.

Pixel Arts - Danial Dehghani - Persian - 9 / 10

Hellblade 2 is a stellar example of a sequel done right, building on the elements that made the original a landmark in gaming. It stays true to its roots, prioritizing depth and atmosphere over broad appeal. Fans of the first game will find much to love here, as it remains a unique and compelling experience. However, if the original didn't resonate with you, Hellblade 2 follows a similar path and might not change your mind.

Polygon - Yussef Cole - Unscored

Where the first game felt like a journey of self-discovery, both for Senua and for the player, Hellblade 2 feels more invested in creating the myth of Senua: Senua as legendary giant slayer, as mystical seer touched by the underworld.

Press Start - Brodie Gibbons - 9 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II is yet another arresting, artful chapter in an adventure now two games long. Though it might approach iteration with a very safe hand, only going so far as to correct the original's shortcomings, Ninja Theory's clear strengths in story craft, audiovisual design, as well as their care for the dark subject matter manage to shine through brighter than ever before.

Rectify Gaming - Tyler Nienburg - 10 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II emerges as a visual and storytelling masterpiece, and is unquestionably the best-looking game I've witnessed on Xbox Series X since its launch.

Rock, Paper, Shotgun - Rick Lane - Unscored

A more uncompromising version of the first game, Hellblade 2 offers a well told story and immaculate presentation. But it's also even simpler, to the point where it treats interaction like an inconvenience.

SECTOR.sk - Matúš Štrba - Slovak - 9.5 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II is, at its core, a short game, but an excellent one. But it's not for everyone. It's a bloody and often disgusting experience based on strong emotions and immersion in a character that just won't let you go. It's more of an artistic experience than a traditional game.

Saudi Gamer - Arabic - 10 / 10

An exceptionally well realized portrayal of Senua's struggle both real and praying on her fears, with brutal and satisfying combat and puzzles that require you to appreciate the world. It successfully continues what the first game started and improves upon almost every aspect.

Seasoned Gaming - Ainsley Bowden - 9 / 10

Senua's Saga is a journey unlike any other. It's fantastical, evocative, and demonstrative of Ninja Theory being masters of their craft.

Shacknews - TJ Denzer - 9 / 10

Hellblade 2 still does incredibly well. The new story is weighty, the audio is exceptional, the scenery is ridiculously dense and rich, and the combat feels intense and impactful in new and interesting ways.

Slant Magazine - Justin Clark - 3.5 / 5

The newest chapter in Senua’s story is powerfully told but feels like it’s missing a few pages.

Spaziogames - Gianluca Arena - Italian - 7.6 / 10

Senua's Saga is as strong as its predecessor, if not more, and delivers both in its storytelling and on the technical side. The gameplay, however, has still a lot of room for improvements and boils down to almost-QTE combat and boring puzzles. An experience more than an actual and so-called video game, but an experience worth living nonetheless.

Stevivor - Jay Ball - 9.5 / 10

Senua’s Saga Hellblade 2 is a video game only on its surface. Scratch that away and you’ll see that it’s a deep, thought-provoking, interactive experience proving games are an art form that demands skill and talent. Ninja Theory should be very proud.

TechRaptor - Robert Scarpinito - 7.5 / 10

Senua’s Saga: Hellblade II features intense audio, beautiful graphics, and wonderful camera work, creating a powerful presentation that’s worth experiencing. However, the narrative doesn’t quite stick the landing.

The Escapist - Unscored

Video Review - Quote not available

The Outerhaven Productions - Jordan Andow - 5 / 5

Senua’s Saga: Hellblade II sets a new bar for performances and presentation. Combined with smart improvements to gameplay, it is arguably the most cinematic, immersive, story-driven experience we’ve ever seen.

TheSixthAxis - Dominic Leighton - Unscored

Just like its forbear, Senua’s Saga: Hellblade II is an oppressive, powerful and haunting example of the power of video games, and one that sets its own parameters for what a digital experience can be. It is a game that must be experienced, not least because, there’s nothing else quite like it.

Tom's Hardware Italia - Andrea Riviera - Italian - 10 / 10

What Ninja Theory has achieved transcends reality, creating a work that is practically perfect for what it aimed to be: an audiovisual adventure with a strong narrative component. Beyond state-of-the-art graphics and sound that will undoubtedly set a standard in the coming years, what truly astonishes is the maturity with which the team has taken an excellent game like the first Hellblade and molded it into something so qualitatively impressive that it becomes difficult to even describe. This elevates the medium to a new communicative level, capable of evoking emotions and surprising players from start to finish. Experiences like Hellblade 2, which leave a lasting impression on the soul, are few and far between in a generation, and we can only rejoice in seeing how the beautiful artistic vision of the Ninja Theory team has become a reality.

Too Much Gaming - Carlos Hernandez - 5 / 5

Hellblade 2 feels like a living, breathing shapeshifter, manipulating its surroundings around the player with precision and consistency, making it one of the most visually stunning video games of this generation. This is an amazing title that carefully balances its artistic and gaming ambitions, a masterpiece that I encourage any gamer to experience.

TrueAchievements - Sean Carey - 9 / 10

Ninja Theory has created an outstanding sequel with Senua's Saga: Hellblade 2. An unforgettable narrative adventure that is brought to life through impeccable sound design, fantastic visuals, and a story that will stick with you long after the final credits roll. Hellblade 2 is one of the best games Xbox has to offer.

TrueGaming - عمر العمودي - Arabic - 8 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II is a technical achievement for the gaming industry, the visuals are impressive and realistic in a way we haven't seen before and the audio design is very impressive. The game itself though, we think it could've offered more as puzzles are repetitive and combat is quite limited. However, the storytelling is strong in this chapter of Senua's journey, though it feels heavy and depressing.

VideoGamer - Tom Bardwell - 9 / 10

Though uncomfortably bleak and distressing, Helldivers 2 is something truly special.

WellPlayed - James Wood - 6 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II is an achievement in visual fidelity but fails to define itself amid clumsy retreads and unengaging new ideas.

Worth Playing - Chris "Atom" DeAngelus - 7 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II is a beautiful but ultimately hollow game. The fantastic presentation props up a story that is less personal and engaging than in the first game, and the gameplay feels like an afterthought. It was great to see Senua again and to see her outside of the grief-misery she was enveloped in during the first game, but beyond that, there's not much to Hellblade II. It's a short and less memorable experience that shows off Ninja Theory's visual craft to its fullest - but it achieves little else.

Xbox Achievements - Dan Webb - 90%

While Senua’s Saga: Hellblade 2 might not set any new standards with its simplistic gameplay mechanics, from an audio-visual experience standpoint, it's frankly quite a stunning experience. Hellblade 2 is as close to playing the leading role in a big budget movie as you’re likely to get, and Ninja Theory’s continued coverage on the complexities of severe mental health issues deserves to be commended once more. Bravo, Ninja Theory. Bravo.

XboxEra - Jon Clarke - 10 / 10

Despite the backing of a company as large and as well-funded as Microsoft, Ninja Theory have, in my opinion, nurtured their independent spirit and kept it well and truly alive in every facet of Senua's Saga: Hellblade II. It's brutal. It's breath-taking. It's brilliant. If this is “Independent AAA”?
Sign me up for more.

ZdobywcyGier.eu - Bartosz Michalik - Polish - 9.5 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II is undoubtedly one of the best games of this year. Not only does it shine in terms of audio-visual setting, but also in terms of story. The only element that could be considered caveat is at the same time its greatest asset, namely cinematography. Sometimes one gets the impression that the developers, in an effort to achieve the best possible effect, had to make a lot of compromises, which significantly limited the gameplay possibilities. Nevertheless, for a great narrative and immersion, this is something to turn a blind eye to.

I think it would let you score easy wins and lead to a more nuanced public discourse

1. Ask them why the pro-capitalist exhaults competition yet at the same time desperately defends a wide array of monopolies. What would be the harm in having a competition in security services? Why can't people choose from which vendor they should get 'public' goods? What would be the harm in competition?
   
2. Underline to them that 'might makes right' is not a valid basis for property claims and that the private property norm permits expropriations in some cases and retaliatory force/actions for aggression, which among other things makes it important to have strong labor unions which are able to assure that employers can't get away with breaching contracts and other forms of aggression
   

Here's a quote from Mr Ancap Murray Rothbard's The Ethics of Liberty

The only genuine refutation of the Marxian case for revolution, then, is that capitalists' property is just rather than unjust, and that therefore its seizure by workers or by anyone else would in itself be unjust and criminal. But this means that we must enter into the question of the justice of property claims, and it means further that we cannot get away with the easy luxury of trying to refute revolutionary claims by arbitrarily placing the mantle of "justice" upon any and all existing property titles. Such an act will scarcely convince people who believe that they or others are being grievously oppressed and permanently aggressed against. But this also means that we must be prepared to discover cases in the world where violent expropriation of existing property titles will be morally justified, because these titles are themselves unjust and criminal.

1. Maybe there are other hypocricies you want to point out, don't hesitate!

Thanks in advance!
For a more nuanced view, see Market Anarchism as Stigmergic Socialism (ozarkia.net) which has the following banger of a quote:

Because the market anarchist society would be one in which the matter of systematic theft has been addressed and rectified, market anarchism (with the exception of Friedmanite utilitarian anarcho-capitalism) is best understood a new variety of socialism - a stigmergic socialism. Stigmergy is a fancy word for systems in which a natural order emerges from the individual choices made by the autonomous components of a collective within the sphere of their own self-sovereignty. To the extent coercion skews markets by distorting the decisions of those autonomous components (individual people), it ought to be seen that a truly free market (a completely stigmergic economic system) necessarily implies anarchy, and that any authentic collectivism is necessarily delineated in its bounds by the the natural rights of the individuals composing the collective.

What happend
What happend
Hello guys and girls, i really need some opinions and advices on what the fuck happend.
So long story short, i met this girl on Bumble app. She is a stewardess and was staying in my city for roughly a month in total. We started texting there, i was funny and charming as usual so she gave me her whatsapp (number) and ig. We made plans to go for a date in like week and a half since we both were busy. I texted her on ig to reschedule the date and eventually we went on it. She was staying at a nice hotel 10 min away from me. I met her outside and when she came out i was like dam. Everything started going smoothly almost instantly, we clicked like i never clicked with somebody else before. Made jokes how something is gonna happen to her and she was like just let me have a gin and tonic first and i was like il let you have two of those because im a nice one. Later on we went to a second place to have drinks and i started to make extensive eye contact with her because i was all over the head with this girl (im not a type of guy that something like that happens to often in fact it never did to be honest even tho i see alot of girls and go out alot and usualy i hide myself pretty well like im mysterous and women told me they cannont read me no matter how hard they try and they really like that about me some even told me i have no emotions and im like a stone)
Back to the story, she was like dont look at me like that because you make me nervous and i was like look at you like what? (i knew exactly like what ha) I continued to do that and later while we went back to the hotel ( she wanted to walk) i grabbed her hand and we walked and made jokes all they way back while holding hands. When we came to the hotel she was like im sleepy and i was like then you should go. She wanted to sit outside before she went up so we did. We talked and talked and the story i going with was that we probbably not gonna see eachoter ever again and thats what i stuck with. She said if i wanted to see her i would and i was like i have no time and she said again if you wanted you would. We talked and ifor some reason i had abnormal urge to kiss her like ive known her for idk how much time, i never felt such a strong and weird feeling like that, i basiclly fully fell for her in matter of hours ( crazy i know) I told her listen i dont expect anything from you i just want to kiss you and leave. She was like you are sick since your nose is runny etc ( i i told her before that my voice is funny today) and kinda rejcted me because she has flights almost daily. Eventually we started making out and had an intense session next to the hotel and even on the hotel wall haha ( people that passed by really gave us the looks some even like dam even tho it was late) After 2 days i was like i have to see you again, idk why i just have to. We texted for few days , was going amazing she texted me i text her but she was busy a little. Then she invited me to come with her and her cabin crew friends for a night out so i did , told me i could join them basicly and i was like fuck it.( finally haha) We had one of the most amazing nights ever, i took them to a club, got the best seats because i know the bouncers ( no reservation, nothing).sime girls started talking to me there and she got a little jelous i mean she told me she doesnt like me doing that but later we made it uo by having sex in the club and she asked me there to come to her hotel room after, we made a pinky promise and left the club toilete haha.I paid everything ( cabs and all, not that it matters just saying and she even got mad at me because of that a little).After that she basiclly sneaked me in to the hotel we ran to the elevators and she forgot something at the reception so she got called back then later we laughed that the guy saw us. I did everything perfectly and then we had sex in hotel, talked, cuddled etc. I told her that im never this honest but i just wanted her to know that in few hours she made me feel so alive and that girls in my city couldnt do that even im few months. But i said i dont expect anything from her still but i just wanted to be honest for the first time. Then i left before she woke up because she fell alseep after 15 min after sex. I tought that was a manly thing to do even tho i wanted to stay so bad. I left her a note that said text me and some name i called her ( a song) and P.S you snore a little :). The note was on the napkin, placed on my side of the bed next to her. That same day at nighttime she texted me and i was like oh yes oh yes (i couldnt stop thinking about her because i felt so amazing and alive). We exhanged few text like before i joked about how if i survive the night ( i was out partying) im gonna see her again for the third time and the lucky charm. The she just dissapeard.Completly ghosted me. Didnt respond to my last few messages about that thirdt time, didnt even seen them on wa. (no read status) So after a day and a half i texted her again sending her a picture of a place she wanted to go while she was here (it was closed before, season just opened) and asked her you wanna go?. No response, no read so i tought maybe her wa is broken due to some number thing so i texted her on ig asking is it that or she just ghosted me and whatever it is i think i deserve to know. She seen that like 10h after ive sent it and then after another 10h she just blocked me everywhere and thats it. I dont understand what happend and why would she text me the same day responding to my note if it was just a one night stand for her or if she didnt want to see me or continue to talk with me (side note she had like a week, week and a half left in my city when that happend)

What happend
What happend
Hello guys and girls, i really need some opinions and advices on what the fuck happend.
So long story short, i met this girl on Bumble app. She is a stewardess and was staying in my city for roughly a month in total. We started texting there, i was funny and charming as usual so she gave me her whatsapp (number) and ig. We made plans to go for a date in like week and a half since we both were busy. I texted her on ig to reschedule the date and eventually we went on it. She was staying at a nice hotel 10 min away from me. I met her outside and when she came out i was like dam. Everything started going smoothly almost instantly, we clicked like i never clicked with somebody else before. Made jokes how something is gonna happen to her and she was like just let me have a gin and tonic first and i was like il let you have two of those because im a nice one. Later on we went to a second place to have drinks and i started to make extensive eye contact with her because i was all over the head with this girl (im not a type of guy that something like that happens to often in fact it never did to be honest even tho i see alot of girls and go out alot and usualy i hide myself pretty well like im mysterous and women told me they cannont read me no matter how hard they try and they really like that about me some even told me i have no emotions and im like a stone)
Back to the story, she was like dont look at me like that because you make me nervous and i was like look at you like what? (i knew exactly like what ha) I continued to do that and later while we went back to the hotel ( she wanted to walk) i grabbed her hand and we walked and made jokes all they way back while holding hands. When we came to the hotel she was like im sleepy and i was like then you should go. She wanted to sit outside before she went up so we did. We talked and talked and the story i going with was that we probbably not gonna see eachoter ever again and thats what i stuck with. She said if i wanted to see her i would and i was like i have no time and she said again if you wanted you would. We talked and ifor some reason i had abnormal urge to kiss her like ive known her for idk how much time, i never felt such a strong and weird feeling like that, i basiclly fully fell for her in matter of hours ( crazy i know) I told her listen i dont expect anything from you i just want to kiss you and leave. She was like you are sick since your nose is runny etc ( i i told her before that my voice is funny today) and kinda rejcted me because she has flights almost daily. Eventually we started making out and had an intense session next to the hotel and even on the hotel wall haha ( people that passed by really gave us the looks some even like dam even tho it was late) After 2 days i was like i have to see you again, idk why i just have to. We texted for few days , was going amazing she texted me i text her but she was busy a little. Then she invited me to come with her and her cabin crew friends for a night out so i did , told me i could join them basicly and i was like fuck it.( finally haha) We had one of the most amazing nights ever, i took them to a club, got the best seats because i know the bouncers ( no reservation, nothing).sime girls started talking to me there and she got a little jelous i mean she told me she doesnt like me doing that but later we made it uo by having sex in the club and she asked me there to come to her hotel room after, we made a pinky promise and left the club toilete haha.I paid everything ( cabs and all, not that it matters just saying and she even got mad at me because of that a little).After that she basiclly sneaked me in to the hotel we ran to the elevators and she forgot something at the reception so she got called back then later we laughed that the guy saw us. I did everything perfectly and then we had sex in hotel, talked, cuddled etc. I told her that im never this honest but i just wanted her to know that in few hours she made me feel so alive and that girls in my city couldnt do that even im few months. But i said i dont expect anything from her still but i just wanted to be honest for the first time. Then i left before she woke up because she fell alseep after 15 min after sex. I tought that was a manly thing to do even tho i wanted to stay so bad. I left her a note that said text me and some name i called her ( a song) and P.S you snore a little :). The note was on the napkin, placed on my side of the bed next to her. That same day at nighttime she texted me and i was like oh yes oh yes (i couldnt stop thinking about her because i felt so amazing and alive). We exhanged few text like before i joked about how if i survive the night ( i was out partying) im gonna see her again for the third time and the lucky charm. The she just dissapeard.Completly ghosted me. Didnt respond to my last few messages about that thirdt time, didnt even seen them on wa. (no read status) So after a day and a half i texted her again sending her a picture of a place she wanted to go while she was here (it was closed before, season just opened) and asked her you wanna go?. No response, no read so i tought maybe her wa is broken due to some number thing so i texted her on ig asking is it that or she just ghosted me and whatever it is i think i deserve to know. She seen that like 10h after ive sent it and then after another 10h she just blocked me everywhere and thats it. I dont understand what happend and why would she text me the same day responding to my note if it was just a one night stand for her or if she didnt want to see me or continue to talk with me (side note she had like a week, week and a half left in my city when that happend)

What happend
Hello guys and girls, i really need some opinions and advices on what the fuck happend.
So long story short, i met this girl on Bumble app. She is a stewardess and was staying in my city for roughly a month in total. We started texting there, i was funny and charming as usual so she gave me her whatsapp (number) and ig. We made plans to go for a date in like week and a half since we both were busy. I texted her on ig to reschedule the date and eventually we went on it. She was staying at a nice hotel 10 min away from me. I met her outside and when she came out i was like dam. Everything started going smoothly almost instantly, we clicked like i never clicked with somebody else before. Made jokes how something is gonna happen to her and she was like just let me have a gin and tonic first and i was like il let you have two of those because im a nice one. Later on we went to a second place to have drinks and i started to make extensive eye contact with her because i was all over the head with this girl (im not a type of guy that something like that happens to often in fact it never did to be honest even tho i see alot of girls and go out alot and usualy i hide myself pretty well like im mysterous and women told me they cannont read me no matter how hard they try and they really like that about me some even told me i have no emotions and im like a stone)
Back to the story, she was like dont look at me like that because you make me nervous and i was like look at you like what? (i knew exactly like what ha) I continued to do that and later while we went back to the hotel ( she wanted to walk) i grabbed her hand and we walked and made jokes all they way back while holding hands. When we came to the hotel she was like im sleepy and i was like then you should go. She wanted to sit outside before she went up so we did. We talked and talked and the story i going with was that we probbably not gonna see eachoter ever again and thats what i stuck with. She said if i wanted to see her i would and i was like i have no time and she said again if you wanted you would. We talked and ifor some reason i had abnormal urge to kiss her like ive known her for idk how much time, i never felt such a strong and weird feeling like that, i basiclly fully fell for her in matter of hours ( crazy i know) I told her listen i dont expect anything from you i just want to kiss you and leave. She was like you are sick since your nose is runny etc ( i i told her before that my voice is funny today) and kinda rejcted me because she has flights almost daily. Eventually we started making out and had an intense session next to the hotel and even on the hotel wall haha ( people that passed by really gave us the looks some even like dam even tho it was late) After 2 days i was like i have to see you again, idk why i just have to. We texted for few days , was going amazing she texted me i text her but she was busy a little. Then she invited me to come with her and her cabin crew friends for a night out so i did , told me i could join them basicly and i was like fuck it.( finally haha) We had one of the most amazing nights ever, i took them to a club, got the best seats because i know the bouncers ( no reservation, nothing).sime girls started talking to me there and she got a little jelous i mean she told me she doesnt like me doing that but later we made it uo by having sex in the club and she asked me there to come to her hotel room after, we made a pinky promise and left the club toilete haha.I paid everything ( cabs and all, not that it matters just saying and she even got mad at me because of that a little).After that she basiclly sneaked me in to the hotel we ran to the elevators and she forgot something at the reception so she got called back then later we laughed that the guy saw us. I did everything perfectly and then we had sex in hotel, talked, cuddled etc. I told her that im never this honest but i just wanted her to know that in few hours she made me feel so alive and that girls in my city couldnt do that even im few months. But i said i dont expect anything from her still but i just wanted to be honest for the first time. Then i left before she woke up because she fell alseep after 15 min after sex. I tought that was a manly thing to do even tho i wanted to stay so bad. I left her a note that said text me and some name i called her ( a song) and P.S you snore a little :). The note was on the napkin, placed on my side of the bed next to her. That same day at nighttime she texted me and i was like oh yes oh yes (i couldnt stop thinking about her because i felt so amazing and alive). We exhanged few text like before i joked about how if i survive the night ( i was out partying) im gonna see her again for the third time and the lucky charm. The she just dissapeard.Completly ghosted me. Didnt respond to my last few messages about that thirdt time, didnt even seen them on wa. (no read status) So after a day and a half i texted her again sending her a picture of a place she wanted to go while she was here (it was closed before, season just opened) and asked her you wanna go?. No response, no read so i tought maybe her wa is broken due to some number thing so i texted her on ig asking is it that or she just ghosted me and whatever it is i think i deserve to know. She seen that like 10h after ive sent it and then after another 10h she just blocked me everywhere and thats it. I dont understand what happend and why would she text me the same day responding to my note if it was just a one night stand for her or if she didnt want to see me or continue to talk with me (side note she had like a week, week and a half left in my city when that happend)

Game Information

Game Title: Senua's Saga: Hellblade II
Platforms:

• Xbox Series X/S (May 21, 2024)
• PC (May 21, 2024)

Trailers:

• Senua’s Saga: Hellblade II – Official Trailer The Game Awards 2023
• Senua's Saga: Hellblade II - The Senua Trailer Xbox Games Showcase 2023

Developer: Ninja Theory
Publisher: Xbox Game Studios
Review Aggregator:
OpenCritic - 84 average - 86% recommended - 55 reviews

Critic Reviews

AltChar - Asmir Kovacevic - 95 / 100

Few games in recent times have been able to do what Senua's Saga: Hellblade 2 has done: make me feel so engaged and immersed that I wish the feeling would never stop. It is a game that will keep you in constant awe throughout the playtime with its fantastic and mysterious story, incredible graphic and sound presentation and realistic and brutal combat that will keep you on the edge of your seat the entire time.

But Why Tho? - Mick Abrahamson - 7.5 / 10

Senua’s Saga: Hellblade II won’t be for everyone. But if you are looking for a brutal continuation of a fantastic story that feels like you’re actually playing a movie, you’ll have a great time here.

CGMagazine - Justin Wood - 7 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade 2 starts incredibly strong in the first half, but after certain revelations, the story speeds up to a point where the conclusion feels rushed and half-baked.

COGconnected - Mark Steighner - 95 / 100

It has been a very long time since I played a game as assured, polished, and emotionally affecting as Senua’s Saga: Hellblade 2.

Cerealkillerz - Steve Brieller - German - 7.9 / 10

If you expect an immersive but not so interactive “game”, Senua’s Saga Hellblade II delivers a short yet intense experience. Ninja Theory has once again skillfully created an impressive atmosphere, as they did in Senua’s Sacrifice. Unfortunately, the issues remain as well: Puzzles and combat are too easy and there is no variety in either. So please keep in mind, that this is more a Hellblade 1.5 than a true sequel.

Checkpoint Gaming - Charlie Kelly - 10 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II is well worth the wait and is a serious game of the year contender. Senua's follow-up journey is the best exploration of mental health that we've seen in games to date, using incredibly striking visual imagery, metaphors and immersive soundscapes to have you feel right there next to her. In what has to be the most photo-realistic game of all time, you're guaranteed to be constantly taken by the hero's adventure as you take in the beautiful and often haunting Viking Iceland. Through mud and dirt, blood and bones, Senua and Ninja Theory in turn bare all to you, the player. A masterpiece, benchmark and magnum opus, Hellblade II is crucial storytelling you won't soon forget.

Console Creatures - Patrick Tremblay - Recommended

With Senua's Saga: Hellblade 2, Ninja Theory shows that video games can be more than simple entertainment: they can be profound artistic and emotional explorations, capable of touching and transforming those who play them. This is an unforgettable journey into the heart of Iceland's darkness, where every step of Senua is a step towards self-discovery.

Digital Trends - Tomas Franzese - 4 / 5

Senua's Saga: Hellblade 2 is a visual stunner for Xbox even if its gameplay isn't too creative.

Echo Boomer - David Fialho - Portuguese - Essential

Ninja Theory has finally delivered the long-awaited and provocative sequel to Hellblade, with one of the most impressive interactive cinematic experiences of the generation, which makes you question what is real and leaves you dreaming of the graphic potential of future games still on current consoles.

Enternity.gr - Christos Chatzisavvas - Greek - 9.5 / 10

With Senua's Saga: Hellblade II, Ninja Theory builds the game it dreamed of, creating a title on a larger scale than any other.

Eurogamer - Johnny Chiodini - 5 / 5

Hellblade 2 continues Senua's story with grace, confidence, surprising brutality and thundering conviction.

GAMES.CH - Olaf Bleich - German - 89%

The game sucks you skin and hair into its fantasy world and creates such an intense bond with the characters and their stories that you want to know at every second how the adventure ends.

Game Informer - Marcus Stewart - 9 / 10

Senua’s Saga: Hellblade II’s conclusion ends on another strong note, and despite my initial reservations about continuing Senua’s story, I walked away happy to see her conquer new monsters, both literal and metaphorical.

GameSpot - Jess Cogswell - 6 / 10

Hellblade 2 is perhaps the most visually remarkable Xbox title to date, but is ultimately undermined by its emphasis on fidelity over story and gameplay.

GamingTrend - Cassie Peterson - 95 / 100

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II is a stunning and immersive storytelling experience that really puts the player into the mind of its titular character. It's even more narratively-focused than the first game (not to its detriment), with a bigger emphasis on how Senua sees and interacts with the world around her. The whole experience from start to finish has been beyond memorable.

Generación Xbox - Pedro del Pozo - Spanish - 9.3 / 10

Ninja Theory manages to place Senua in the Olympus of videogames with the most visually and sonorously powerful game we have seen so far. A spectacular, stunning and awe-inspiring journey.

IGN - Tristan Ogilvie - 8 / 10

Senua’s Saga: Hellblade II is another Viking-worthy feast for the senses that meets the high bar set by its predecessor, even if it never really manages to clear it.

INVEN - Soojin Kim - Korean - 8.5 / 10

The game's high level of immersion makes you want to play it from start to finish in one sitting. With outstanding audiovisual presentation and effects, it gives the feeling that you're playing a movie, not watching it. However, the gameplay elements, such as combat and puzzles, still lack significant meaning, which leads to rather disappoint feelings.

Kakuchopurei - Jonathan Leo - 80 / 100

While the story & gameplay's broad strokes might be familiar, Senua's Saga: Hellblade 2's execution, perspective, and overall production values are just stellar and highlights Ninja Theory's strengths in delivering what it does best: story-heavy cinematic gaming. The characters are fleshed out and well-written, with proper focus on your main character and her turmoils that carry over from the first game, the fighting feels weighty and challenging without being completely frustrating, and the HUD-less approach to presentation is welcome.

Kotaku - Claire Jackson - Unscored

A spellbinding meditation on anguish and compassion, Hellblade II delivers one of the most gripping interactive and sensory experiences of 2024

Merlin'in Kazanı - Murat Oktay - Turkish - 89 / 100

The chaotic story of Senua continues. We set out to take revenge on the Viking raiders who have inflicted devastating losses on the people of Orkney.

Metro GameCentral - GameCentral - 5 / 10

A joyless slog of barely interactive entertainment and a muddled portrayal of mental illness… that just so happens to have the best graphics ever on a video game console.

MondoXbox - Giuseppe Genga - Italian - 9.5 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II is a true masterpiece: a deep and highly immersive narrative experience that manages to make us feel all the protagonist's torment within an impressively realistic world. Ninja Theory reveals itself to be one of the most valuable studios in the Xbox stable here, reaching levels of absolute excellence in graphics, audio, narration, and acting. A must-play.

New Game Network - Alex Varankou - 70 / 100

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II keeps the basics intact, and while a strong lead character, great animations, and simple but enjoyable combat continue to deliver, the poor pacing and performance issues prevent this sequel from breaking free of its past.

Nexus Hub - Sam Aberdeen - 8 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II is the best-looking game we've ever played - a true visual powerhouse backed by an emotionally charged story and gripping dark fantasy setting, if you can look past some of its shortcomings.

One More Game - Chris Garcia - 9 / 10

Hellblade 2 is a triumph in masterful storytelling and impeccable audio design for Ninja Theory. It is an emotionally powerful experience that depicts a sensitive subject that is hardly talked about in the medium.
To achieve this, the game stripped out several features and systems like combat and exploration in favor of a deeper narrative affair. This is not for everyone, but it is something I would encourage everyone to try at least try out.

Oyungezer Online - Onur Kaya - Turkish - 8 / 10

Next gen graphics and presentation is now among us, next gen game design on the other hand, will be running late.

PC Gamer - Robin Valentine - 58 / 100

Despite its greater scale and visual splendour, this sequel fails to escape the shadow of its predecessor with a muddled tale that Senua herself feels out of place in.

PCGamesN - Cheri Faulkner - 9 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade 2 is an impeccable story of coming to terms with trauma and making difficult decisions, punctuated by moments of outstanding beauty and strength.

Pixel Arts - Danial Dehghani - Persian - 9 / 10

Hellblade 2 is a stellar example of a sequel done right, building on the elements that made the original a landmark in gaming. It stays true to its roots, prioritizing depth and atmosphere over broad appeal. Fans of the first game will find much to love here, as it remains a unique and compelling experience. However, if the original didn't resonate with you, Hellblade 2 follows a similar path and might not change your mind.

Polygon - Yussef Cole - Unscored

Where the first game felt like a journey of self-discovery, both for Senua and for the player, Hellblade 2 feels more invested in creating the myth of Senua: Senua as legendary giant slayer, as mystical seer touched by the underworld.

Press Start - Brodie Gibbons - 9 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II is yet another arresting, artful chapter in an adventure now two games long. Though it might approach iteration with a very safe hand, only going so far as to correct the original's shortcomings, Ninja Theory's clear strengths in story craft, audiovisual design, as well as their care for the dark subject matter manage to shine through brighter than ever before.

Rectify Gaming - Tyler Nienburg - 10 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II emerges as a visual and storytelling masterpiece, and is unquestionably the best-looking game I've witnessed on Xbox Series X since its launch.

Rock, Paper, Shotgun - Rick Lane - Unscored

A more uncompromising version of the first game, Hellblade 2 offers a well told story and immaculate presentation. But it's also even simpler, to the point where it treats interaction like an inconvenience.

SECTOR.sk - Matúš Štrba - Slovak - 9.5 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II is, at its core, a short game, but an excellent one. But it's not for everyone. It's a bloody and often disgusting experience based on strong emotions and immersion in a character that just won't let you go. It's more of an artistic experience than a traditional game.

Saudi Gamer - Arabic - 10 / 10

An exceptionally well realized portrayal of Senua's struggle both real and praying on her fears, with brutal and satisfying combat and puzzles that require you to appreciate the world. It successfully continues what the first game started and improves upon almost every aspect.

Seasoned Gaming - Ainsley Bowden - 9 / 10

Senua's Saga is a journey unlike any other. It's fantastical, evocative, and demonstrative of Ninja Theory being masters of their craft.

Shacknews - TJ Denzer - 9 / 10

Hellblade 2 still does incredibly well. The new story is weighty, the audio is exceptional, the scenery is ridiculously dense and rich, and the combat feels intense and impactful in new and interesting ways.

Slant Magazine - Justin Clark - 3.5 / 5

The newest chapter in Senua’s story is powerfully told but feels like it’s missing a few pages.

Spaziogames - Gianluca Arena - Italian - 7.6 / 10

Senua's Saga is as strong as its predecessor, if not more, and delivers both in its storytelling and on the technical side. The gameplay, however, has still a lot of room for improvements and boils down to almost-QTE combat and boring puzzles. An experience more than an actual and so-called video game, but an experience worth living nonetheless.

Stevivor - Jay Ball - 9.5 / 10

Senua’s Saga Hellblade 2 is a video game only on its surface. Scratch that away and you’ll see that it’s a deep, thought-provoking, interactive experience proving games are an art form that demands skill and talent. Ninja Theory should be very proud.

TechRaptor - Robert Scarpinito - 7.5 / 10

Senua’s Saga: Hellblade II features intense audio, beautiful graphics, and wonderful camera work, creating a powerful presentation that’s worth experiencing. However, the narrative doesn’t quite stick the landing.

The Escapist - Unscored

Video Review - Quote not available

The Outerhaven Productions - Jordan Andow - 5 / 5

Senua’s Saga: Hellblade II sets a new bar for performances and presentation. Combined with smart improvements to gameplay, it is arguably the most cinematic, immersive, story-driven experience we’ve ever seen.

TheSixthAxis - Dominic Leighton - Unscored

Just like its forbear, Senua’s Saga: Hellblade II is an oppressive, powerful and haunting example of the power of video games, and one that sets its own parameters for what a digital experience can be. It is a game that must be experienced, not least because, there’s nothing else quite like it.

Tom's Hardware Italia - Andrea Riviera - Italian - 10 / 10

What Ninja Theory has achieved transcends reality, creating a work that is practically perfect for what it aimed to be: an audiovisual adventure with a strong narrative component. Beyond state-of-the-art graphics and sound that will undoubtedly set a standard in the coming years, what truly astonishes is the maturity with which the team has taken an excellent game like the first Hellblade and molded it into something so qualitatively impressive that it becomes difficult to even describe. This elevates the medium to a new communicative level, capable of evoking emotions and surprising players from start to finish. Experiences like Hellblade 2, which leave a lasting impression on the soul, are few and far between in a generation, and we can only rejoice in seeing how the beautiful artistic vision of the Ninja Theory team has become a reality.

Too Much Gaming - Carlos Hernandez - 5 / 5

Hellblade 2 feels like a living, breathing shapeshifter, manipulating its surroundings around the player with precision and consistency, making it one of the most visually stunning video games of this generation. This is an amazing title that carefully balances its artistic and gaming ambitions, a masterpiece that I encourage any gamer to experience.

TrueAchievements - Sean Carey - 9 / 10

Ninja Theory has created an outstanding sequel with Senua's Saga: Hellblade 2. An unforgettable narrative adventure that is brought to life through impeccable sound design, fantastic visuals, and a story that will stick with you long after the final credits roll. Hellblade 2 is one of the best games Xbox has to offer.

TrueGaming - عمر العمودي - Arabic - 8 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II is a technical achievement for the gaming industry, the visuals are impressive and realistic in a way we haven't seen before and the audio design is very impressive. The game itself though, we think it could've offered more as puzzles are repetitive and combat is quite limited. However, the storytelling is strong in this chapter of Senua's journey, though it feels heavy and depressing.

VideoGamer - Tom Bardwell - 9 / 10

Though uncomfortably bleak and distressing, Helldivers 2 is something truly special.

WellPlayed - James Wood - 6 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II is an achievement in visual fidelity but fails to define itself amid clumsy retreads and unengaging new ideas.

Worth Playing - Chris "Atom" DeAngelus - 7 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II is a beautiful but ultimately hollow game. The fantastic presentation props up a story that is less personal and engaging than in the first game, and the gameplay feels like an afterthought. It was great to see Senua again and to see her outside of the grief-misery she was enveloped in during the first game, but beyond that, there's not much to Hellblade II. It's a short and less memorable experience that shows off Ninja Theory's visual craft to its fullest - but it achieves little else.

Xbox Achievements - Dan Webb - 90%

While Senua’s Saga: Hellblade 2 might not set any new standards with its simplistic gameplay mechanics, from an audio-visual experience standpoint, it's frankly quite a stunning experience. Hellblade 2 is as close to playing the leading role in a big budget movie as you’re likely to get, and Ninja Theory’s continued coverage on the complexities of severe mental health issues deserves to be commended once more. Bravo, Ninja Theory. Bravo.

XboxEra - Jon Clarke - 10 / 10

Despite the backing of a company as large and as well-funded as Microsoft, Ninja Theory have, in my opinion, nurtured their independent spirit and kept it well and truly alive in every facet of Senua's Saga: Hellblade II. It's brutal. It's breath-taking. It's brilliant. If this is “Independent AAA”?
Sign me up for more.

ZdobywcyGier.eu - Bartosz Michalik - Polish - 9.5 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II is undoubtedly one of the best games of this year. Not only does it shine in terms of audio-visual setting, but also in terms of story. The only element that could be considered caveat is at the same time its greatest asset, namely cinematography. Sometimes one gets the impression that the developers, in an effort to achieve the best possible effect, had to make a lot of compromises, which significantly limited the gameplay possibilities. Nevertheless, for a great narrative and immersion, this is something to turn a blind eye to.

My fraternity is living with am infestation but we don't have the money to properly handle it.
A little background.
My fraternity moved into a large chapter facility that was previously occupied by a sober living home for men. This house was built in the 1970's, 3 stories tall, has 22 sleeping quarters, sits on over an acre of land, and has had 50 recovering addicts living there for the better part of 2 decades.
We moved in last September, and the house is in rough shape to say the least. It is obvious very little has been done in terms of repairs, maintenance, or just general upkeeping in the last 20 years. We discovered black mold upon move in, and within a week had a seen our first field mouse. The concerning part was that we would see them in broad day light (sometimes as early as 11am) scurrying through the kitchen while multiple people were in there talking and moving around. This level of brazenness raised some alarms for me immediately.
Basically, nothing was done for many months besides half-assing some shitty mouse traps around the house. The frat brother in charge of the house continued to downplay the situation, and our alum housing corporation is low on money due to lengthy legal battles over the deed (long story).
I'm saying all this to set the stage that I believe there are thousands of mice living in our house walls.
It has gotten to the point that brothers cannot sleep because when the lights are out the mice will be active in their room. Our pantry has unlimited food, and we often find rice scattered across the floor with concerning amounts of feces. There is SO much access to food (its frat house - and a shitty house so no one respects it). There was literally a point where a brother left 162 kraft singles outside in our grill area and no one threw it away for a couple weeks. Brothers will often have to chase the mice away from their food in the pantry, they are brazen and always active. We even had a brother be able to shoot one and kill it with an airsoft gun as it was just sitting atop his dresser. On top of that after a brief scan of the house you would understand that this place is built like a mouse paradise. There is so much space between the walls and everything is connected. Exposed piping networks with holes to lead them into other parts of the house. Lots of open are between walls. I believe their system could be disturbingly vast.
We have already found one nest because it was in a closet in our laundry room, which is connected to the pantry, and it also a frequented spot by our residents, so who knows whats in the walls.
Long story short, winter has come and passed since we moved in and things continue to get worse, due to the abundance of food and warmth. I believe this house has a serious infestation, and I do not think we will get real help that we need. Once an exterminator starts putting holes in the wall, I think we will find a concerning amount of black mold (we have already found spots of it, and some rooms aren't occupied because of how bad they are). This I would imagine will end up costing tens of thousands of dollars to solve, as I think the issue has became so bad that the whole or most of the house will need to be stripped to the studs. This is money our chapter doesn't have and our housing corp isn't willing to pay. Not to mention we have 20 brothers with signed leases for this August.
We have used exterminator traps and they kill them faster then we can replace the traps, but I think its too little too late. There was a mouse problem when we moved in and the enviroment we created for them is Eden.
Sorry for so much yapping, but I felt its a somewhat unique situation given the size of the home and how bad this infestation could really be. We are concerned for our health, and are questioning if parents will actually let their kids live here when they come to move in in August.
I am asking for advice and input. Since we probably cannot go the exterminator route due to the fact the house will probably be condemned when whats hiding in those walls comes to light, we are in a situation where we basically need a bucket to fix a sinking boat. What are some traps that can kill a lot of mice? How do we go about battling an infestation of this size? Is mold-x paint effective at protecting us against what is surely festering within the walls? Is it too far gone?
We are just college kids who are in over their heads and need some advice.
Thanks.