When I released web-view 6 months ago, I said I was "weeks" away from releasing a framework for interactive web apps built on top of it. Well it's been 26 weeks, and it's finally ready!
Hyperbole makes it easy to create fully interactive HTML applications with type-safe serverside Haskell. It's inspired by HTMX, Elm, and Phoenix LiveView

• Hackage
• Github

Motivation
I've been a web developer since before "Ajax". I rode the wave of Single Page Applications (SPAs) and loved how interactive we could make things. I've written fancy apps in React and Elm. But ultimately SPAs mean writing two applications, a Javascript client and a server, plus an API between them. They're a huge pain to write and maintain. I missed serverside web apps.
Instead of an SPA, Hyperbole allows us instead to write a single Haskell program which runs exclusively on the server. All user interactions are sent to the server for processing, and a sub-section of the page is updated with the resulting HTML.
There are frameworks that support this in different ways, including HTMX, Phoenix LiveView, and others. Hyperbole has the following advantages

1. 100% Haskell
2. Type safe views, actions, routes, and forms
3. Elegant interface with little boilerplate
4. VirtualDOM updates over sockets, fallback to HTTP
5. Easy to use

Like HTMX, Hyperbole extends the capability of UI elements, but it uses Haskell's type-system to prevent common errors and provide default functionality. Specifically, a page has multiple update targets called HyperViews. These are automatically targeted by any UI element that triggers an action inside them. The compiler makes sure that actions and targets match.
Like Phoenix LiveView, it upgrades the page to a WebSocket connection and uses VirtualDOM for live updates
Like Elm, it relies on an update function to handle actions, but greatly simplifies the Elm Architecture by handling state with extensible effects. forms are easy to use with minimal boilerplate
Depends heavily on the following frameworks

• Effectful
• Web View

Simple Example

{-# LANGUAGE DeriveAnyClass #-} {-# LANGUAGE OverloadedStrings #-} {-# LANGUAGE TypeFamilies #-} import Web.Hyperbole main = do run 3000 $ do liveApp (basicDocument "Example") (page mainPage) mainPage = do handle message load $ do pure $ do el bold "My Page" hyper (Message 1) $ messageView "Hello" hyper (Message 2) $ messageView "World!" data Message = Message Int deriving (Generic, Param) data MessageAction = Louder Text deriving (Generic, Param) instance HyperView Message where type Action Message = MessageAction message :: Message -> MessageAction -> Eff es (View Message ()) message _ (Louder m) = do let new = m <> "!" pure $ messageView new messageView :: Text -> View Message () messageView m = do el_ $ text m button (Louder m) id "Louder" 

Learn More
Hackage has a better intro and good docs
Examples demonstrating different features
Feedback
Any questions and comments appreciated! Please let me know if anything isn't clear from the docs.

Context, last year I was head over heels for a girl who put little to no effort into the relationship in return, I was conflicted by her actions and our experiences all the while i was reading 1984 by George Orwell. I wrote this at a desk in a school hallway in isolation.
Genre: General essay?
14.5.24
To my love,
I’m stuck sitting in isolation with absolutely nothing to do. I’ve crammed so much of 1984 into my head that I’ll need to push some of it out. 1984 is a lot to read. Maybe it’s the way I read it or maybe it’s the pacing but sometimes I'll be reading it and find myself relating to it in a way. A quote stuck with me;”He pulled her round so that they were breast to breast; her body seemed to melt into his.” It reminded me of way back in the abandoned Asda stairwell when I melted into her- semi-conflicted between love and lust. After the stairwell got closed off; I felt as though I had lost a part of me too. I even found another stairwell but I knew it wouldn't be the same. It would feel forced, like how I turned her into me so that we could face each other. Sure it wasn’t with the intention of making out but it wasn't thought through first- almost impulsively. In1984, a couple pages later, it speaks about the kisses turning hard; unlike the smooth, butter-like melt they were before. I can feel that. It’s almost vivid. I feel as though after the thing with Austin, everything kinda crashed. When [NAME] had red hair, it was almost like she was infatuated with me. When she dyed it back to normal, I felt as if I had lost that. I could be delusional but when she said she hated who she was with the red hair, it kinda stuck with me. Overall, It’s very on-off. One moment I find myself fantasizing about marriage; the next, I see myself breaking up with her on the horizon. But after that first DM on insta, I promised myself it wouldn’t be a repeat of everyone else, she wouldn’t be a lesson or a test, she would be the practical, the real fucking thing. The one who kept me up at night simply with the thought of her. Is it bad if I relate to WInston? Lost and conflicted within society and using writing and reading as a means of escape. It isn’t necessarily illegal but the stuff I write feels like it could be critiqued in a way that makes it resistant- pushing against the normal methods of writing. Actually, I despise Winston. He let temptation overcome him. Sure, his environment may have dictated him into fantasizing rape but I still think that shit’s inexcusable. He still thinks fondly of it afterwards when having sex as well. Orwell is so fucking good at writing though. How can someone write so vividly that I have to stop, think and reflect upon my life and experiences. I think I’ll show [NAME]this paper. I’m not 100% sure she’ll read it; my feelings tend to be insignificant to her. But if someone wrote something about me, I’d be ever-so-curious to find out their perspectives. I also find it quite funny how Winston blabbers on to Julia about death but she abruptly shuts him up. Maybe that’s why she wanted me to read it (I need to stop yapping about death in situations where it’s uncalled for). When I write this, it’s like I’m texting her but she isn’t texting back. Or it’s like when I say something drunk with the drowsiness of fatigue and she reads it in the morning and that shit doesn’t hit the same AT ALL. I still remember when she was in Nottingham and we called the entire night. A part of me hopes that next time she calls (if she even does) we will get back into the swing of things and we can rebuild that bond. But for it to happen, I need to take a step back and stop being so fucking high maintenance. I’m constantly writing. My head has an endless flowing dialogue of words waiting to be scribed but not all of them do. Sometimes it feels like i feel too much; I feel so much; so much so that it numbs me to feeling. I’m not sure if you can relate but it’s like bubble wrap almost. Pumped up with feeling, any other emotion bounces right off. Or like a mental paracetamol, that kind of numbness. When [NAME] said that paracetamol burns holes in your stomach; I guess that's why when I feel numb, the words pour right out. Mental paracetamol should be a coined term. I feel like Shakespeare when I say that. Actually, right now, I feel like I’m in a void, a medium almost. A confined corner; trapped by the constant sounds of expensive dress shoes slamming against the hallway floors. I hope she reads this. I hope anyone reads this. I am seeking attention even in solitary confinement. I guess it’s inevitable for “just another kid with ADHD''. I think I’d like to write a book for her. Not in a puppy love-esque way; instead to make something she can enjoy. I’d have to binge a fuck -tonne of feminist literature to make it work. I’d have to live, breathe and regurgitate Sylvia Plath just to make something enjoyable for her (I’m kidding of course). (Not really). I’ve written so much- this could probably count as a fucking book. I’m not sure where she would even find the time to read this. She’ll probably lump it alongside the Smint container (filled with poems for her) to read when we break up. I think perspective changes a lot about a book. It’s not entirely how a book is written; instead, it’s about how you approach it or how you are introduced to it. I’ve been very pessimistic and pushy-away-ey recently. Regardless, I won’t cross anything out unless it’s a typo. I think it indirectly shows progression of a character especially when it’s in the form of hypophora almost. I want to write the best book ever and then die and have no-one read it. I think that's more significant than writing a shitty book and campaigning and promoting and all this consumerist bullshit. If you were proud of your work, you wouldn’t promote it, you would let it find its reader. For me, I’d put it in those tiny bird box community libraries that no one uses. Therefore, if someone craved my work, they could find it in a place they wouldn't look for it. Not for my book to gather dust on a tall decorative bookshelf. This is a bit of a rant i know. SOmetimes I’ll yap and let the words flow instead of actively writing them. Writing words is the worst way to write. You need to apply emotion and let the words unravel themselves. At least, that’s how I write, critique it however the fuck you want. I was once told that my writing is like a conversation- you know the ones where the other person keeps blabbering and you can’t get a word in. I don’t read enough to know if it’s unique or not but I know why I do it. It’s like I’m conversing with myself. I might throw a name in there or add some direct address. This might be breaking the fourth wall a bit but i guess the entire nature of this essay is. I need to read over my writing one day- I hate to do it but I think I’d learn a lot about myself if i did so. My writing feels a little bit lost at sea. It’s very jumpy from one topic to the next- like scrolling on tiktok. Also, I think there's a mix of me searching for empathy via slight victimization and undertones of slight narcissism. I’m probably over analyzing but I like my writing. Me personally, i get lost in the labyrinth of the lines and curvature of the letters. Will i regret writing so much? I mean sure, I guess a part of me will live on forever in my writing. But, then again, it’s wasting my life. I’d like to live- living is not writing. Living is not reading. To live is to experience with every sense possible. If I see, I am not living. If i smell, I am not living. But, to hear, to smell, to feel, to see and to taste simultaneously is to live. When living isn’t enough, I can understand why people resort to reading and writing. It’s ever-so-simple. I wish I can see [NAME] soon though. I’ll wish for it at 22:22 if i have to. Or on a shooting star. Or maybe even on a stray eyelash. I miss you[NAME]. I was going to say “I crave you” but that’s too sexual and comes with a million connotations. Saying “I require you” is too formal and needy. I think I should stick to the usual. What if i didnt say “I miss you” but instead I said “I miss your warm and enveloping embrace.” Maybe then she would text back.
This is fucking delusion,
From yours truly,
Raffy

About this ebook My love for writing came from poetry at a very young age, I felt at the time that poetry was like art, a power of self-expression. I have always felt like a freak of nature, walking around in a world with knowledge of this gift inside me that I knew that I could not tell or talk about to anyone because I agreed to protect my mind from such darkness. Although through the years as I grew older, life had other plans for me and through all the hardships, trials and tribulations, my writing this gift of self-release from my own mind and the world around me, poetry I found myself becoming peaceful, it was a voice that I never knew I had.
Growing up I never really had a voice, I had a voice when it came to talk about problems or whatever it was, but my tongue has always been tied when it came down to my mind and heart and the knowledge that I kept hidden, hiding my gifts. As the years rolled by my poetry became more about saving myself from the darkness opposed to how it could maybe help someone else or maybe it was for both.
For years, I have been lost wandering around waiting for a sign of when I can spill the beans, when I can release this burden that has cost me everything and everyone I loved and that it almost cost me my soul.
Then one day, I knew, this light came on and I heard the universe call to me, I had visions for weeks, then I turned my writing into something that I can share with everyone, to ease the burden that I have been carrying around. So, my writing became my voice, the only voice I had and still have.
Most of these poems are from the time when I was growing up, how I viewed the world around me, and from the life times of trials and tribulations, and traumas that happened in my life growing up and through my adult life. I share this e-book with you in the hope that it does help someone else there to know that they are not alone and that you can do the impossible and get up off your knees, as tomorrow is a better and brighter day.
I hope that you enjoy this poem and hope that in some way you may relate to it and know that you are not alone.

I'm the same guy that posted that the Independent Order of Odd Fellows cemetery by Acker park was in disrepair and tried finding resources to help turn it around. Here's the link if anyone is interested. I'm still trying.
While walking through the cemetery I came across a gravestone marked "G.M. Robbins - The "End of the Trail" for "Yellowstone Pete" after 25,000 miles by mule train, may he rest in peace" and it got me interested in finding out more about the person. It turns out that Yellowstone Pete holds a place in Americana culture, and really did travel by mule train. There are several pictures linked here that have him, his wife, and mules. I'd love to hear more about him if anyone has more details.
Imgur album of photos I collected. The one that has "OH HOW WE HATE TO WORK" is a postcard that I ordered from Etsy while researching Yellowstone Pete.
There's even a poem about his only daughter.
Yellowstone Pete's Only Daughter was originally published in the book “Rhymes from a Round-up Camp, 1903, and written by Wallace David Coburn in 1894. The book of poetry has been published in 21 different editions. Coburn wrote the preface of the book in Malta, Montana.
Yes, this is the Milk River Valley,
And that's the old ranch that you see,
Where Yellowstone Pete lost his daughter,
The pride of the 7 U. P.
Was she pretty?-Well, stranger, your knowledge
Of these parts is shore incomplete,
When you ask such a comical question
'Bout the daughter of Yellowstone Pete.
Why, man! If the heavens were bluer,
And pansies were deeper in hue ,
They couldn't "size up" with her peepers,
Which shone like the spring poet's dew.
Her teeth were like snowdrops made whiter,
Her hair like the sealskin she wore,
Only softer and silkier and browner,
And she was true blue to the core.
Was old Yellowstone Pete's only daughter,
Whose voice was the envy of birds,
As she warbled at night to the long-horns,
Or when pointing her father's trail herds.
She was happy and good and as loving
As an angel could possibly be,
With always a smile and a greeting,
For tough old cow-punchers like me.
But what I was startin' to narrate,
Before you cut into the game,
Was a love affair she tangled up in,
And the tragical end of the same.
You see, she was borned in this country,
Her mother, a woman of gold,
Kissed her baby and lined out for Heaven,
When Beauty was seven days old.
The boys, you see, nicknamed her "Beauty,"
And each one, he fought for his turn
At feedin' her out of the bottle,
But dress her -- we never could learn.
So Pete he sent off for a nurse girl
And a teacher (not stunning for looks),
To give her the care of a woman,
And learn her the knowledge of books.
Thus Beauty grew up at the home ranch,
And learned how to shore ride and shoot,
Also play and sing on the pianer,
And to tie down a wild steer to boot.
And charming-- why, partner, the sunbeams
They scrapped for the sweets of her face,
And the alkali dust and the zephyrs
They jockeyed to get second place.
So was it a wonder young Dawson,
The son of a neighbor of Pete,
Lost his heart to this rose of the prairie,
And his love for her couldn't be beat?
“Buck"-- that was the handle he went by,
Had pre-empted some learnin' at school,
Was a handsome and big, manly feller,
And in a gun-fight was shore cool.
And there wasn't no man round the country,
Could ride with him down the Red Lane,
He could rope, fork, and ride with clean saddle
Any outlaw that ever wore mane.
They'd been youngsters and brought up together,
And Dawson was shorely dead game,
His father a wealthy old-timer,
All burdened with early-day fame.
Yes, Beauty loved "Buck," that was certain,
But a gal's ways are never foreseen,
And you can't tell what's liable to happen
Be-tween the betwixt and between.
So when a young feller from college
Comes a-romancin' like out this way,
Well, things looked a little promiscuous,
And there was the devil to pay.
Of course, he was welcomed by Beauty,
As the flowers are welcomed in May;
His college pin pleased her, I reckon,
And he had a girl-catchin' way.
But wait till I roll me a smoke, pard,
To filter my bad feelin's down,
Makes me wanter shore squander some powder
When I ponder on that sneakin' houn'.
Well, we was all out on the round-up,
When this college masher, you see,
Ran off with old Yellowstone's daughter,
The pride of the 7 U. P.
Now, old Pete he shore worshipped his daughter,
Loved her better than money or life,
For she was the pride of his old age--
The gift of his beautiful wife.
So he and young Dawson together,
With hearts like the lead in their guns,
Hit the trail of this college-bred villain,
And secured him before many suns.
The gal they found up in Butte City­-
He'd deserted her up there, you know;
But Dawson caught him near the border,
Where numerous cottonwoods grow.
And there, in the depths of the forest,
With the beasts and the birds lookin' on,
They fought to the death with their bowies,
Till the Eastern-bred feller was gone.
And Beauty-- she married "Buck" after,
But never seemed happy or gay,
Like the Beauty we'd worshipped from childhood,­-
She just drooped, shrunk, and withered away.
Yes, she paled like the flowers in summer,
And died with the leaves in the fall ;
And we buried her close to her mother,
While the sunshine went out of us all.
Poor old Pete, his hair white as the snowdrift,
And eyes that stare vacant and old,
Sits and sobs at the foot of two gravestones,
All alone, whether hot days or cold.
All alone? No, for Buck often joins him,
Grim and stern, with his face like a stone;
Never smiling nowdays like he used to,
When he tries he winds up with a moan.
No, the sun don't shine quite as it used to,
And the wind has a lonesomer sound,
As it sings soft and mournful in summer,
And howls when old winter comes round.
Here are the links to original photos:
https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/news-photo/yellowstone-pete-passes-through-yellowstone-pete-news-photo/161995779
https://www.worthpoint.com/worthopedia/rppc-goldie-marion-robbins-aka-1904877006
https://www.phillipscountynews.com/story/2016/09/14/news/yellowstone-petes-only-daughte4302.html
https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/52400720/goldie-marion-robbins/photo

Hello! i just got my acceptance letter from NTU English and I'm really excited about it! I had my interview yesterday with one of the professors! Rather than a strict interview, I genuinely just felt it was a chit chat session of enlightening and informative nature <3
I took combined literature in secondary school but didn't take Lit in JC. I did do pretty well in GP out of all my subjects and I love reading books so I thought English would be a good major for me. But of course, after not annotating books and poems for 2 whole years, I do have some concerns and questions(that i didn't manage to ask my interviewer)🫨

1. For those that didn't take H1/H2 Literature or has no literature background, did the introductory courses help to bridge the skills and knowledge of analysing lit?
   
2. Do you usually purchase your literature texts or is a pdf given to you? If you do purchase your literature books, around how much is it?
   
3. For the prescribed electives, on average, how many books are there per elective? or does it vary based on AUs (3 vs 4)? i'm quite interested in South Asian Lit and Modernism!
   
4. By having a Bachelor of Arts in English degree, what are the various industries have you guys interned / worked in?
   
5. Hows the exam structure like? Must you guys submit an essay by the end of the course or is it a group project?
   
6. How many courses/elective do you guys take per semester?
   

That's all the questions I have for now, thank you for taking your time to read (hopefully I didn't sound offensive or too blunt😅) I'm really excited abt joining NTU and I hope I get to learn a lot from ELH🫶🩶

To note, this is a continuation of the sagas I wrote that took place after the Cell Saga. The two sagas were written with inspiration taken from MCU Peter Parker's arcs in Far from Home and No Way Home. The goal was to develop Son Gohan into a proper lead for the show. If you'd like to check them out, here are the links!
Bojack (Far From Home) Saga: https://www.reddit.com/fixingmovies/s/sK5zOnJ0oU
Broly (No Way Home) Saga: https://www.reddit.com/fixingmovies/s/R3sGOqdbIv
There are many things I find wrong in the Buu saga:

1. Goku coming back: This derails the narrative tremendously as he snatches back the torch from Gohan. He's going to play a role, but he will stay dead.
2. Gohan's writing: In canon, we ended up with a rusty, goofy, badly written character who lost all the development from the previous sagas. He became a useless disappointment and did not uphold his role as a protector of the earth. This won't go anywhere near that direction.
3. SSJ3 and fusions: These elements were unnecessary as they did nothing to solve the plot and only provided fluff. This can be introduced in Super, but that's another story.
4. Goten and Trunks SSJ: I wasn't a fan of how they easily transformed, treating it as an easy power-up. Here, it will be earned.

What I want to do here is combine the Buu saga with Fusion Reborn. For that movie, there are tons of elements at play that can be used to make the grand finale of Dragon Ball Z, more grand. The goal here is to increase the stakes, trim all the unnecessary fat, give everyone a chance to shine, and keep the main focus on Gohan. I also want to replace Buu with Janemba, as I find him much more threatening due to his unique abilities which would be perfect to challenge Gohan. It's also here that we avoid the rinse-and-repeat problem that came with Buu and his many forms.

Without further ado, here is the...... Janemba Saga!

Seven years have passed since the climactic battle against Broly. Gohan, now a young adult, has diligently pursued a delicate balance between his studies and training. During this time, he has honed his Super Saiyan 2 form and significantly elevated his combat skills. However, he deliberately restrains his power, refusing to succumb to the depths of his inner rage. Gohan believes that his technical prowess alone will suffice, opting to suppress the primal fury within him. Despite his reservations, Gohan attends a prestigious private school on an academic scholarship, alongside his steadfast companion Videl and their circle of friends. Gohan has embraced the responsibility of preserving peace on Earth as a valiant hero, adopting the mantle of Saiyaman. His suit has undergone a sleek redesign, shedding the theatrical poses in favor of a more streamlined appearance. Functioning as a dynamic duo reminiscent of Superman and Batman, Gohan and Videl tackle the city's crime wave together. Videl, having mastered her ki abilities under the tutelage of Piccolo, has grown stronger over the years. Glimpses of their everyday lives reveal the struggles of Gohan as he endeavors to balance the demands of school, training, and personal relationships. Amidst the challenges, he harbors a subtle resentment towards his duty, as it often encroaches upon his cherished personal time. Nevertheless, Gohan persists, fueled by his unwavering determination to live up to his father's legacy.
However, the tranquil facade is shattered when a harrowing turn of events unfolds. The narrative transitions to an otherworldly realm, distinctly separate from Earth. A mysterious figure cloaked in darkness materializes, none other than the malevolent wizard Babidi. Harnessing the unholy power of dark magic, Babidi establishes a sinister connection with his loyal minion Dabura, the King of the Demon Realm. United in their nefarious purpose, they orchestrate an audacious invasion of Otherworld, intent on freeing the formidable demon Janemba. Ages ago, Janemba had been sealed away in this celestial realm by the Supreme Kais. Babidi's malevolent ambition revolves around shrouding the universe in eternal darkness. To achieve this nightmarish vision, he plans to infect the denizens of Earth using the insidious Majin spell, thereby expanding his dominion across countless planets.
In the midst of this burgeoning chaos, Gohan, disguised as Saiyaman, finds himself investigating a peculiar incident involving the possession of one of his dearest friends. Videl, resolute and fearless, engages in a fierce battle against the malevolent puppeteer controlling Sharpner. With unwavering confidence, she urges Gohan to let her confront the threat alone. Sharpner, his strength unnaturally augmented, puts up a formidable resistance, but Videl's experience enables her to subdue him without resorting to fatal measures. As Sharpner awakens from his trance, Gohan seeks answers regarding the enigmatic force that had seized control of his friend. Sharpner reveals that a voice called Babidi had whispered malevolent commands into his mind. Armed with this critical information, Gohan summons Vegeta and Piccolo to join him in unraveling the unfolding crisis, embarking on a journey towards the epicenter of the ominous power emanating from a series of potent and wicked ki signatures, ultimately leading them to Babidi and Dabura.
Meanwhile, Earth becomes a battleground, besieged by an onslaught of resurrected zombies, soldiers, and former villains who once terrorized its populace. Though the trio finds themselves torn between aiding their beleaguered planet and confronting the imminent threat directly before them, they know their immediate priority lies in thwarting Babidi's scheme. Distracting them with his grandiose monologue, Babidi probes their minds, seeking susceptible individuals to manipulate. Initially targeting Vegeta, Babidi redirects his attention toward Piccolo, sensing his inherent duality as a being born of both good and evil. With a combination of Babidi's insidious spell and the lingering malevolence of Piccolo Daimao, the Namekian warrior struggles to resist the overwhelming influence. His powers surge exponentially beyond their previous limitations, clouding his judgment and driving him to confront his former student, Gohan. Amidst the shock of this unforeseen twist, Gohan assumes the responsibility of awakening Piccolo from his trance-like state, determined to restore his mentor's clarity. As the battle rages on, they sense a tremor that reverberates throughout the planet, an unmistakable ki signature brimming with icy coldness, signifying the presence of a singular entity—Janemba.
Bracing himself for the impending clash with this malevolent force, Gohan prepares to face Janemba head-on, while Piccolo embarks on a personal mission to neutralize Babidi. Meanwhile, Vegeta remains locked in a fierce struggle against Dabura, the Prince of Saiyans confronting the King of the Demon Realm. The confrontation unfolds with brutal intensity, and Vegeta finds himself teetering on the edge of defeat. Sensing his adversary's advantage, Dabura unleashes a legion of demons to tip the scales further in his favor. Pushed to his limits, Vegeta fights valiantly, but the odds appear insurmountable. Dabura, consumed by arrogance, revels in his imminent triumph, announcing his intention to unleash the full might of the demon horde upon Earth. Faced with the dire consequences of such a cataclysm, Vegeta musters every ounce of desperation within him. In a moment of self-sacrifice, he unleashes a devastating attack upon Dabura and his minions. The resulting explosion weakens Babidi's forces, repels the encroaching Demon Realm, and safeguards their dimension from untold chaos and devastation.
(Note: I wanted to keep Vegeta's sacrifice but make it matter and count. In canon, it didn't stop Buu, and he sent himself into cold oblivion on a lie. Here, he makes a difference in the long run and has a definitive redemptive moment. )
Startled by the sudden disappearance of Vegeta's powerful ki, Trunks defies the protests of his comrades on the Lookout and rushes towards the chaotic battleground. His heart pounds with trepidation as he races through the smoke-filled air, only to be confronted with the lifeless body of his father lying motionless on the ground. Overwhelmed by a torrent of despair and seething rage, Trunks' trembling hands reach out to shake his father awake, his desperate pleas echoing through the desolate landscape. But his efforts prove futile, and a profound sense of loss engulfs him.
In the midst of this heart-wrenching moment, a surge of raw energy courses through Trunks' veins, igniting a transformation that surpasses the boundaries of his mortal self. Radiating an aura of vibrant golden light, Trunks ascends to the legendary state of the Super Saiyan. His eyes ablaze with determination and fury, he is now ready to face the battle that lies ahead.The scene shifts, revealing the remaining Z-Fighters locked in a perilous struggle against hordes of relentless zombies. Fatigue weighs heavily upon their weary bodies as they fend off the relentless onslaught. Suddenly, a streak of intense power streaks across the sky, and Trunks descends before his comrades, newly transformed and brimming with indomitable strength. A burst of energy erupts from his fingertips, shattering a ki blast launched by one of the zombies, diverting it harmlessly away. In the eyes of his adversaries, astonishment mingles with mockery as they behold the sight of a mere child standing before them.Unfazed by their taunting laughter, Trunks addresses his comrades with unwavering resolve. He declares that he will shoulder the burden of the battle, vowing that not a single life will be lost on this day. With unparalleled speed and precision, he charges towards the encroaching horde, obliterating each zombie with astonishing ease. Their forces crumble beneath the might of his wrath, and the battlefield is transformed into a graveyard of defeated foes.As the last of the zombies falls, Trunks relinquishes his Super Saiyan form, his energy spent and body drained. Collapsing to the ground, he succumbs to exhaustion, his breathing ragged and labored. In this moment of vulnerability, Yamcha, recognizing the young warrior's valor, rushes to his side and gently lifts him from the battlefield, cradling his battered form with utmost care.
(Note: Kid Trunks' transformation is a direct reference to when Future Trunks found Gohan dead after the battle with the androids, and then he transformed. )
While this tumultuous event unfolded, the responsibility of safeguarding the Lookout fell upon the young shoulders of Goten. As time passed, a sudden intrusion disrupted the tranquility of the platform, as a malevolent henchman, infused with the dark power of King Cold, materialized before him. Though momentarily shaken, Goten summoned his courage and engaged in a valiant struggle against his formidable adversary.Initially, it appeared that Goten held his ground admirably, skillfully countering the attacks launched by the nefarious duo of Salza and Dore. However, their sinister coordination gradually began to overpower the young warrior. In a devastating display of force, Salza executed a malicious kick that sent Goten hurtling towards the precipice of the Lookout, teetering on the brink of unconsciousness.
Witnessing her son's battered and vulnerable state, Chi-Chi, consumed by a mixture of horror and fury, lunged at Salza in a desperate attempt to defend her child. Yet, her efforts proved futile as Salza callously seized her by the throat, mercilessly constricting the life from her. From his weakened position, Goten, wide-eyed and mouth agape, struggled to remain conscious, his mind besieged by the conflicting emotions of impending death and the weight of disappointment.
In that critical moment, he closed his eyes, his teeth sinking into his lip until blood stained his mouth. His trembling hands clenched into tight fists. And then, something within him snapped, unleashing a primal force that lay dormant within.Goten vanished, replaced by an embodiment of unbridled rage. Transformed into a Super Saiyan, his furious aura radiated with an intensity that defied comprehension. With a surge of unrestrained power, he propelled himself towards Salza, obliterating his malevolent foe with a devastating blast that eradicated him from existence. Undeterred by the remaining henchmen who sought to avenge their fallen comrade, Goten engaged them with a newfound ferocity.In a breathtaking display of combat prowess, it took mere moments for Goten to dispatch his adversaries, consigning them to the depths of the afterlife. Unaware of his mother's watchful gaze, Chi-Chi bore witness to the astonishing transformation of her once-innocent son, her heart filled with awe at the unfathomable power he now wielded.
(Note: This is a reference to when Superman had attacked Zod for attacking Martha in Man of Steel. With this, Goten is able to break out of his shell and experience some development. I also did not want Chi-Chi to die, but to have it be close. This way, she can witness firsthand her son fighting to avenge her and realizing that his saiyan blood kicked in to save them all, which would lead to some development towards her accepting that they have the natural power to fight, but also protect. )
Simultaneously, amidst the chaos, Piccolo found himself embroiled in a fierce battle of magic. His objective was to shatter the impenetrable barrier erected by his adversary, Babidi, to halt the relentless proliferation of Majin-infused beings. The odds were stacked against him, but with unwavering determination, Piccolo summoned the strength to rupture the barrier, ultimately delivering a fatal blow to Babidi. In doing so, he succeeded in halting the insidious spread of the Majin curse.Meanwhile, Gohan, driven by an overwhelming surge of power in his Super Saiyan 2 form, charged headlong at the formidable Fat Janemba, intent on swiftly ending the confrontation. Displaying remarkable valor, Gohan engaged his adversary with all his might, momentarily gaining the upper hand in fleeting bursts of fury. However, Janemba's energy continued to surge unabated, gradually overpowering Gohan and relegating him to a defensive stance.With the battle reaching its climax, Janemba unleashed a devastating onslaught aimed at obliterating the planet. In a desperate bid to protect all that he held dear, Gohan fearlessly interposed himself between Janemba's lethal assault and the world, extending his arms wide as he summoned the last vestiges of his ki to create a resolute energy shield. The technique demanded one final act of defiance, compelling Gohan to redirect the unleashed energy back towards Janemba, propelling the malevolent entity backward and teetering on the precipice of annihilation. Yet, the maneuver exacted a heavy toll on Gohan, leaving him grievously injured and drained of consciousness, hurtling through the sky and crashing deep into the untamed wilderness.
(Note: This maneuver is a mix of what Gohan did against Broly in Movie 10, and what Future Gohan did in his last battle against the androids.)
Subsequently, Supreme Kai, recognizing the dire condition of the young warrior, transported Gohan to the realm of the Kais. As Gohan gradually regained consciousness, he found himself surrounded by the presence of Supreme Kai, Kibito, and his father, Son Goku. Unbeknownst to Gohan, while the realms beyond had been engulfed in pandemonium, Goku had valiantly sought to subdue numerous formidable adversaries, most notably Broly. Upon learning of Gohan's presence on that distant planet, Goku implored for the opportunity to visit his son, a request that was granted amidst the bittersweet reunion.During their heartfelt meeting, they shared the weight of overseeing the turmoil ravaging Earth, realizing that Janemba still lingered, amassing the remnants of malevolent ki left unvanquished. Panic washed over Gohan as he urgently expressed his need to return to Earth, but his pleas were met with cautionary words from his loved ones. They acknowledged his unpreparedness to face Janemba anew, warning of the potential consequences should he engage the foe prematurely. Supreme Kai disclosed his true intention in bringing Gohan to this realm—to unlock the dormant power lying dormant within him. However, the process demanded a profound reconciliation of Gohan's dual nature as both human and Saiyan. To initiate this transformative ritual, Gohan would be immersed in a meditative trance within the sacred confines of a cascading waterfall, which would serve as a mirror reflecting his true self. Only then would he embark upon the arduous journey of unlocking his latent potential, fully aware that failure could result in dire consequences, even death.
Nervously, Gohan steeled himself for the imminent trial, drawing strength from the unwavering support of his father. With resolute determination, he approached the cascading waterfall, where Supreme Kai initiated the trance, enveloping Gohan in an ethereal aura of introspection.As the ritual commenced, Gohan's gaze fixated grimly upon vivid recollections of his past battles, struggling to reconcile the moments when he had succumbed to his own wrath. Before long, a projection materialized, representing his suppressed Saiyan essence—a separate entity demanding to be acknowledged. A tumultuous clash ensued between the two facets of Gohan's being, with the young warrior faltering in his attempts to gain the upper hand, for each surge of anger only fueled his other self. Finally, a profound realization washed over Gohan, piercing through the haze of conflict. He ceased resisting and, instead, extended a hand of acceptance and understanding to his Saiyan counterpart, embracing the essence of his true nature. In that transformative instant, the boundaries dissolved, merging into a harmonious unity. Gohan's eyes fluttered open as he awakened from the trance, reborn in his newfound Ultimate Form, his essence finally whole and indomitable.
(Note: Yes, this is a direct reference to Naruto obtaining true mastery of his nine tails form in Shippuden. I did not like Gohan's canon mystic ritual because it did not feel earned. He just sat around for a long time doing nothing and gained nothing from it. I wanted to fix that. So here, he went through a more direct ritual at the risk of death to be able to unlock his true abilities. )
In the midst of these events, Trunks and Goten find themselves under the tutelage of Piccolo within the formidable Hyperbolic Time Chamber. News reaches Piccolo that Gohan is undergoing a transformative process to unlock his latent potential, but the looming return of Janemba threatens to disrupt their plans. Exiting the chamber, Trunks and Goten emerge stronger than ever, having mastered their Super Saiyan forms and honed their teamwork to near perfection, compensating for their inherent power limitations.As Janemba crosses paths with them, the clash erupts in a spectacular display of martial prowess. Individually, they stand little chance against the overwhelming might of Janemba, but when united, a different narrative unfolds. Their combined efforts aim to sustain the battle long enough, providing Gohan with the precious time he needs to complete his ritual. Piccolo assumes leadership, valiantly holding his ground, although it becomes increasingly evident that Janemba possesses a distinct advantage. Piccolo strategically diverts Janemba's attention, creating openings for Goten and Trunks to launch coordinated assaults that vex their adversary, even if their impact is minimal. Nonetheless, every second counts.
In a fateful turn of events, Janemba unleashes an assault that overwhelms Piccolo, incapacitating him and leaving only Goten and Trunks to face the malevolent entity. Swift as a phantom, Janemba materializes in front of Trunks, delivering a devastating blow to his abdomen, leaving Goten as the lone defender. Standing tall, Goten defiantly assumes a battle stance, mustering his courage. However, before Janemba can unleash a devastating attack upon him, an unknown figure delivers a powerful kick to Janemba's head, hurtling him towards the distant mountains.
The camera pans, revealing the figure to be none other than Gohan, resplendent in his newfound form.
(Note: This entrance directly mirrors that of Future Gohan when he was about to begin his final battle against the Androids!)
A wave of elation washes over Goten as he beholds the return of his beloved elder brother, while Trunks and Piccolo visibly exhale with relief. Gohan and Piccolo exchange a brief but meaningful exchange, Gohan acknowledging his newfound strength while Piccolo recognizes that Gohan has ascended to an entirely different echelon. Janemba regains his footing, reemerging before them, demanding their attention and focus. Gohan asserts that he will confront Janemba directly, urging the others to evacuate. Though reluctant, Piccolo and the young warriors comply, dispersing to various parts of the world to address the chaos that plagues their surroundings.
With an air of fury, Janemba charges at Gohan, his fist extended menacingly. Yet Gohan intercepts the attack, seizing Janemba's fist in a vice-like grip, and in a flash of teleportation, they are transported to the dreaded realm of H.F.I.L. (Home For Infinite Losers).
(Note: I have Gohan teleport Janemba because at least this way their battle will not damage Earth. Also we will assume Gohan has figured out some sort of Instant Transmission movement like Goku.)
The eyes of Earth's denizens, the Kais, and the denizens of the Otherworld are fixated on this pivotal moment, the culmination of a battle that will determine the fate of the universe. And so, the clash commences, a cataclysmic struggle that echoes through the very fabric of existence.
In a breathtaking display of power, Gohan initially dominates the battle, effortlessly overpowering Janemba with his newfound might. However, the tables turn when Janemba unveils unexpected abilities: space-time manipulation and a formidable sword. Gohan is caught off guard, unsure of how to counter such unorthodox tactics. Desperation and frustration consume him, causing his control over his own power to slip away.Amidst the chaos, Gohan experiences a moment of revelation, a surge of understanding regarding his opponent's abilities. He realizes that in order to anticipate Janemba's next move, he must heighten his senses by channeling his ki, allowing for precise timing and swift reactions. With this newfound clarity, Gohan regains his composure, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. Seizing an opportunity, Janemba materializes before him, poised to strike with his sword. Yet, in a stunning display of strength, Gohan catches the blade with both hands, shattering it into pieces.
The tide of the battle begins to shift, albeit slightly, in Gohan's favor. Frustrated and bewildered, Janemba exclaims, "Just what...are you?!" Gohan responds with unwavering resolve, proclaiming, "I am the hope of the universe. I am the answer to all living things that cry out for peace. I am the protector of the innocent. I am the light in the darkness. I am truth. Ally to good! Nightmare to you!"
(Note: I'm taking Goku's dubbed speech against Frieza and repurposing it for Gohan. As he's inherently more the justice-driven hero archetype rather than the fighting maniac that is Goku, it makes more sense. We'll just assume Goku gave Frieza the manga version of his speech. This is also the most pivotal moment of Gohan's journey as he comes to terms with being a protector. Throughout the show, he's been struggling between his desire to be a scholar and his responsibility to be a hero. That dubbed speech is exactly the moment that Gohan's arc comes full circle. Here, he finally embraces what he was always meant to be..... the hero.)
With renewed determination, Gohan launches various assaults in a bid to defeat his formidable adversary. However, his attacks fail to inflict lasting damage, and Gohan himself begins to exhaust his ki. It is then that he realizes the true nature of Janemba's existence—he is an embodiment of pure evil ki, unlike any opponent Gohan has faced before. A desperate plan takes shape in Gohan's mind. Mentally reaching out to his friends and even Videl, he calls upon them to gather their ki, reminiscent of the Spirit Bomb technique. Initially, only the Z-Fighters respond, but their combined energy proves insufficient.As Gohan valiantly defends against Janemba's onslaught, he mentally pleads with the people of Earth to lend their aid. Uncertainty and doubt cast a shadow over the crowd until Hercule steps forward, berating them for refusing to support the man who once saved them during the Cell Games. Revealing the truth of Gohan's identity as the Delivery Boy turned hero, the tide of public opinion shifts. People extend their hands, offering their energy to their savior. Shocked by the sudden turn of events, Gohan is relieved by the surge of ki coursing through him, providing a momentary opening to kick Janemba away. The collective assistance grants Gohan a substantial reservoir of energy, which he then summons forth, infusing it with the very essence of his soul—a daring and perilous maneuver.
Driven to his breaking point, a furious Janemba ascends into the sky, conjuring a colossal sphere of malevolent ki capable of obliterating the entire universe. Gohan remains calm, his gaze fixed upon the impending cataclysm. With unwavering resolve, he declares, "This is the end for you, Janemba." Closing his eyes, Gohan raises his left hand above his head, conjuring a radiant sphere of rainbow light. Seizing the opportunity, Janemba hurls his devastating attack towards Gohan. Sensing the imminent danger, Gohan's eyes snap open as he crushes the ball of energy in his palm. Swiftly pivoting, he hurls the fragmented energy towards the oncoming attack, effortlessly piercing through it, and hurtling towards Janemba, finally eradicating the universe's peril once and for all.
(Note: This is the same technique as Kid Buu's Planet Burst move, the one that destroyed Earth. I also repurposed Gogeta's stardust breaker technique for Gohan as I feel it makes sense for him to have it. It also makes him stand out from Goku even more in this case.)
As the dust settles, Gohan maintains his energy long enough to witness Janemba's demise. A triumphant smirk graces his face as he remarks, "Heh, looks like I finally did it." Exhausted, he collapses to the ground, almost completely drained. The onlookers erupt into joyous cheers, celebrating Gohan's hard-fought victory. Supreme Kai teleports Gohan from the depths of H.F.I.L back to Earth, specifically to the Lookout, where his family and friends eagerly await his return. In a heartwarming scene, Gohan is enveloped in embraces and expressions of relief. It is here, amidst the warmth of their loved ones, that Gohan and Videl share their first kiss—a tender moment of connection and celebration.Meanwhile, the Dragon Balls work their magic, rectifying the chaos caused by Babidi's dark influence. The majority of those who perished are revived, yet there are exceptions, including Vegeta. Accepting his fate and determined to atone for his past deeds, Vegeta expresses his desire to continue growing stronger in the afterlife, entrusting the protection of his family to his son. Tearfully, Trunks vows to make his father proud, with Goten stepping forward to support his friend in this emotional moment. Fond farewells are exchanged as everyone prepares to return to their respective homes.
Gohan and Goten engage in a heartfelt conversation, their bond as brothers strengthening. However, their exchange is interrupted by Chi-Chi, who unexpectedly interrupts their conversation. To their astonishment, she expresses pride in their valiant efforts to safeguard the world, finally relenting and granting them permission to train and protect. The three embrace, their family united and resolute.In a different realm, Vegeta stands before King Yemma, awaiting judgment. To his surprise, he is granted an Otherworldly body, a result of Goku's recommendation and Vegeta's ultimate sacrifice that tipped the scales of justice. With this second chance, Vegeta is granted the opportunity to train ceaselessly and, more importantly, to settle his unfinished business with Goku. The final scene between Goku and Vegeta unfolds, their fists colliding in a charged confrontation, their image freezing .( mirroring the intensity of Rocky and Apollo in Rocky III, leaving their ultimate showdown to the imagination.)
A decade passes, marked by a time skip. Tien and Krillin have established their own martial arts schools, dedicated to passing on their unique styles to the next generation. Goten and Trunks, under the tutelage of Piccolo, diligently train to harness their extraordinary powers. Gohan, now a respected scholar, has married Videl, and together they have a daughter. At home, Videl imparts the basics of combat to their daughter, Pan. Gohan, having just finished delivering a lecture on energy at the university, senses a disturbance reverberating across the planet. Instinctively, he rushes to the rooftop, pressing a button on his wrist. In an instant, he transforms into his iconic Saiyaman costume, soaring into the horizon with a mischievous grin. He breaks through the fourth wall, symbolizing his unwavering resolve to protect and inspire.
The screen fades to black.
The End.
There we have it! My final wrap-up of the MCU Peter ParkeGohan development journey! Honestly, I did have thoughts of just going straight into revising the Buu arc, but I felt there was more to be done before that. Gohan needed to go through the development I gave him in my two written arcs as there were lessons there that shaped him.
I also felt that a trained Gohan, who is naturally intellectual, would be a perfect antagonist in Janemba. He had to learn to outsmart him, and not just have it be a straight-up slugfest.
What do you guys think? Share your thoughts below!
u/fatherandyriley
u/dgenerationmc

After going through a breakup with my girlfriend a few months ago, I found myself passing through the city where she lives. It's important to note that she lives far, about 300 km away from where I reside. While there, I visited some friends I had met during our time together and ended up seeing her working at the bar where she always used to work. The experience left me with a realization about relationships, prompting me to reflect on their significance and authenticity.
There was a time when our love felt unbreakable, filled with both tears and laughter. But now, in her presence, our connection felt fake and insubstantial, a mere shadow of what it once was. It's a strange feeling, watching someone who once knew you so intimately from a distance, now a stranger you barely recognize.
Of course, we'll both move on with our lives and find new paths. But the image of her, working away in that dimly lit bar, will forever be etched in my mind. It's a reminder of how easily love can come and go, how quickly things can change, and how we must cherish those we love while we can.
Has anyone have something similar happen to them before?
Here is a little poem I wrote, basically immediately after I saw her again:
In a foreign land I roamed, Passing by familiar streets I called my own, Amidst my journey, an unexpected slight, My lost love, now a mere barkeep, out of sight.
Once our love was strong, pure, and true, But now, in her presence, I feel so blue, Our connection, once a steadfast bond, reduced to nothingness, all gone.
I am but a mere mortal, insignificant, In this world, where love is transient, The time we shared now a distant memory, our once shared life, now a mystery.
Despite the pain, I move on, But the image of her remains etched upon, A reminder of what once was, A love lost, a forgotten cause.
Perhaps this is just my post-breakup sorrow, But it has made me ponder for tomorrow, Are relationships mere facades we adorn, Or is true love ever born? Has making love overpowered the real love? Can I trust anyone more than my life, ever?

Welcome to Reading The Big Book of Cyberpunk!
Each week we (u/FarragutCircle and u/fanny_bertram) will be reading 5-ish stories from Jared Shurin’s The Big Book of Cyberpunk, which includes a curated selection of cyberpunk stories written from 1950 to 2022! We’ll include synopses of the stories along with links to any legally available online versions we can find. Feel free to read along with us or just stop by and hear our thoughts about some cyberpunk stories to decide if any of them sound interesting to you.
Every once in a while, we reach out to people who have more insight, due to being fans of the author or have some additional context for the story. (Or we just tricked them into it.) So please welcome u/RuinEleint who will be sharing their thoughts on "The Yuletide Cyberpunk Yarn, or Christmas_Eve-117.DIR" by Victor Pelevin!
“Deep Eddy” by Bruce Sterling (published 1993; also available in his collection Ascendancies: The Best of Bruce Sterling)
Deep Eddy is acting as a data courier to the Cultural Critic in Düsseldorf, right as the city goes through a Wende (a sort of anarchist “Purge”).

• Farragut’s thoughts: We’ve read Sterling before in Science Fiction. Eddy is a misguided libertarian creep who won’t stop hitting on his German bodyguard and is too dumb to understand the philosophical points that the Cultural Critic is making (for that matter, I’m too dumb to understand, too). He survives his time in Germany, but has learned nothing of value for his punk attitude. What’s the point of rebelling if you don’t understand why? The naivete and creepiness were a little too much for me.
  
• fanny’s thoughts: This did not work for me. Eddy is creepy and annoying. He keeps hitting on the bodyguard and she makes it VERY clear she is only there in a professional context. Eddy also seems to generally not have any clue what he is doing. He is libertarian and against something but no one seems to know what. He doesn't even seem to know what he delivered to the Cultural Critic.
  

“The Yuletide Cyberpunk Yarn, or Christmas_Eve-117.DIR” by Victor Pelevin (1996, translated from Russian by Alex Shvartsman)
A corrupt mayor’s computer is infected by a virus that causes chaos in Russia.

• Special Guest Ruin: This was a fascinating story to read. The way the narrative segued from a discussion on poetry to a darkly comedic look at a Russian city was remarkable. The author seems to like to start or lead with a theme or themes which seem to be only tangentially related to each other such as for example the name of the computer virus, or Gerasimov and his dog. But both elements circle back into the story and are crucial to its structure. As for the content of the story itself, I amused myself by imagining the events as being a movie that blended the stylistic elements of Tarantino and Wes Anderson. So we have brutal, bloody violence in increasingly absurd settings and the way it is all described makes it easy to imagine it all taking place amidst the highly stylized sets and characters we would expect in a Wes Anderson movie. Overall, I really enjoyed this story.
  
• Farragut: We’ve read Pelevin before in Modern Fantasy. First of all, this is a fantastic title for a story, period. Second of all, I just enjoyed Pelevin’s style here (via Shvartsman’s translation), with an omniscient narrator telling us about a completely ridiculous situation. It gets a little cagey with the identity of the perpetrator and the ending, but I’m very curious as to how darkly I should read it (now that I think about it, it’s directly connected to the original, so I should read it very darkly indeed). Shvartsman’s occasional footnotes were very helpful, however, especially with the context surrounding Gerasim(ov) and Mumu.
  
• fanny: Ruin's review is so good, I am not sure what to add. The style of this story fit the elements so well. It starts with a poem whose themes carry through the story. The footnotes were a really great addition and helped contextualize. The narrator keeps upping the ridiculousness until we get to the end and everything gets wrapped up.
  

“Wonderama” by Bef (1998, translated from Spanish by the author)
Lalo (or is it Eduardo?) wakes up every day in the most awesome life in 1974, but it’s revealed to be a lie and ends tragically.

• Farragut: Bef is a Mexican SF writer, a crime writer, and a graphic novelist, and honestly his whole bibliography sounds cool as heck. Told in a series of diary entries with some small interruptions, we follow a kid whose life is like a Mexican kid’s sugar-fueled dream. The reason for its inclusion in this thematic section of the anthology becomes clear however, and I yelled, “Noooo!” at the ending. Sigh. It’s very good!
  
• fanny: I am a sucker for diary entry style stories and this was no exception. Lalo’s life seems almost perfect, but it feels so off. The story feels progressively more off until we start to question everything. Also, yelled “Nooo!” at the ending. Very good. Absolutely loved.
  

“comp.basilisk FAQ” by David Langford (1999) (link to story)
A FAQ-style story that clearly describes a bizarre future where images on the web and TV are banned due to the risk of death.

• Farragut: Langford is famous for having the most Hugo wins (29), mostly for the Fan Writer category, but also Short Story (not this one) and Best Related Work (not this one either). This is a delightful story that made me think of it as a precursor to qntm’s later story “Lena” from Week 5 (though obviously only in general form). Apparently I love the faux-nonfiction style where some of the horror and plot is between the lines. The final FAQ about Microsoft was darkly funny.
  
• fanny: This was fun and very short. The FAQs related to basilisk and writing were great. It goes between funny, dark humor, and just dark. I liked the commentary on technology and software. I also really appreciate the standard response answers explaining they should post someone else. This is something I deal with often and this was great.
  

“Spider's Nest” by Myra Çakan (2004, translated from German by Jim Young; also available in the anthology The Apex Book of World SF 3 edited by Lavie Tidhar)
Spider, uh, does something? Is looking for drugs, maybe? But something else happens instead?

• Farragut: Çakan is a German writer from Hamburg, and after reading this story, I’d say Shurin made hamburger out of me, too. The main thing I got out of this story was that Spider really wanted something, maybe. I thought it was drugs, but he got angry at his dealer and then got super weird with his friend’s girlfriend? And then there was a Silver Spider, who wasn’t him, but maybe he plugged himself in to replace her? What is happening?
  
• fanny: Spider definitely wanted drugs from his dealer, Ant. I think. Ant got annoyed at something then Spider got into a voyeur situation (maybe). There is a Silver Spider in his dreams that makes him feel better. I couldn't tell if this was dream or drug induced or technology induced. The end is super weird and makes even less sense than the story. Spider might have done a murder on himself? I have been confused before in this anthology, but not to this level.
  

That’s it for this week! Check back the same time next week where we’ll be reading and discussing "The Last American" by John Kessel, "Earth Hour" by Ken MacLeod, "Violation of the TrueNet Security Act" by Taiyo Fujii, "Twelve Minutes to Vinh Quang" by T. R. Napper, and "Operation Daniel" by Khalid Kaki.
Also posted on Bochord Online.

I am not even talking about scriptural problems within the bible, You don't have to open a single bible to start seeing the problems,
1-) The Problem of Salvation and Faith (Why the plan of salvation is ridiculous, and has failed)
I.The ridiculousness of the plan
A. Demanding blood for remission of sins Heb 9:22 - Why is this the terms that god insists upon? Isn't he the architect of the parameters regarding sin, punishment, and forgiveness? Is he not able to forgive sin without blood sacrifice? Can he not say, “No blood sacrifice necessary, I just forgive you?”
B. God sacrificing himself to himself to save us from himself by creating a loophole in the architecture for condemnation he engineered in the first place? This is your solution for a problem in which you yourself are the problem. It’s like a doctor stabbing people to be able to operate and save them.
C. Dying for someone else's crime does not equal justice in any court.
D. The sacrifice was not a sacrifice at all :

1. Jesus is said to be eternal
2. He spent a few days in misery out of his billions of years plus of existence
3. He spent a minutiae of a fraction of his existence suffering knowing he would be resurrected after the ordeal and spend eternity in divine luxury, and that somehow provides him justification to sentence us to trillions of years of eternity suffering without end?
4. Jesus is a supernatural immortal who suffered temporary mortal punishment and then sentences mortals to supernatural eternal punishment if they do not receive his sacrifice.
5. Why is three days of punishment followed by eternity in glory sufficient for all the horrible deeds any man has ever committed, but billions of years suffered in hell by a good moral person who does not believe due to lack of evidence is not sufficient?

2-) Nature of The Christian god
I. He is supposed to be an all Powerful and All mighty being and yet he died on a cross by his own creation (If you see someone claiming to be god and then you saw him hie before your very eyes, How on earth are you supposed to conclude anything else other than "This guy is a liar"?)
Modern Christians would respond to this saying "Only the Human part died, The Divine part wasn't affected"
Which again, doesn't make any sense :
A. Even when assuming a human sacrifice is somehow necessary for salvation, The sacrifice of 1 Human being can never be Enough to atone for the sins of all of mankind since Adam and Eve till the return of jesus.
I found a Coptic pope explaining this issue in detail, Here is a link to his book, https://st-takla.org/books/en/pope-shenouda-iii/nature-of-christ/propitiation-and-redemption.html
Quoting from it : "The belief in the One Nature of the Incarnate Logos is essential, necessary and fundamental for redemption. Redemption requires unlimited propitiation sufficient for the forgiveness of the unlimited sins of all the people through all ages. There was no solution other than the Incarnation of God the Logos to offer this through His Divine Power.
Thus, if we mention two natures and say that the human nature alone performed the act of redemption, it would have been entirely impossible to achieve unlimited propitiation for man's salvation. Hence comes the danger of speaking of two natures, each having its own specific tasks. In such case, the death of the human nature alone is insufficient."
It's very clear that saying only the human part died doesn't make any sense, Even according to the Christian theology itself.
B. The Trinity is based on a false idea
I know, It's a classic Argument against Christianity but you can't deny that it's an actual damning argument against the Christian theology.

1. God is all knowing but Jesus wasn't all knowing (mark 13:32)
2. Jesus is supposed to be god, but he is praying to himself to save himself with cries and tears?? (Luke 22:41-44)
3. Jesus is god but we can't say he is good because only god is good?? (Luke 18:18-19)
4. God can't be tempted by evil (James 1:13) but yet jesus was tempted by satan?? (Matthew 4:1)
5. Jesus is god but he can't do a thing on his own?? (John 5:31) 6.Jesus is supposed to be the same as the father, But their teachings are different? (John 7:16)

And so many more, Throught the bible i can't help but notice the intense number of verses which clearly states Jesus can't be god.
3-) The Problem of a Historical Jesus (Why we don’t know the actual historical Jesus)
I. No contemporary historical evidence,
A. No historian alive during Jesus day wrote about Jesus despite ample opportunity

1. The kings coming to his birth
2. Herod’s slaughter of baby boys
3. The overthrowing of money changers
4. Jesus triumphant entry into Jerusalem where he is declared king by the whole town.
5. Darkness covering the whole earth for hours on Jesus’ Death
6. The earthquakes at Jesus’ death
7. The rending of the temple veil at Jesus’ Death
8. The resurrection of Jesus that was seen by 500 witnesses.(Only Paul claims that, even tho he never met jesus)

II. The Gospels are contradicting, late hearsay accounts
A. Mark, the earliest gospel, was written at least after 70 A.D. (referencing fall of temple) by a non-eyewitness, and makes numerous cultural and geographical errors that a Jewish writer would not have made such as locations of rivers, cultural customs regarding divorce, locations of towns or Jesus quoting from the greek Septuagint etc. (see geographical and historical errors in this link, https://holtz.org/Library/Philosophy/Metaphysics/Theology/Christianity/Criticism/Bible%20Problems%20by%20Packham%201998.htm#ERRORS )
B. The other gospels all copied from Mark. Luke and Matthew contain over 70% of Mark and mainly make changes in attempts to fix blatant errors made in Mark and to correct Mark’s poor grammar.The writer of Luke even reveals to us in Luke 1:2 that he was not an eyewitness, but that the story has been passed down to him.
C. Four where chosen by the church father Iraeneus because he believed the earth was founded on four pillars and so too, should the gospels be founded by only four accounts.
Iraenus also revealed the names of the Gospels in the late second century, without any reason to assume they where the authentic authors - no one knows who actually wrote them!
D. John was initially considered heretical by the early church because of its variation from the synoptic but was overwhelmingly popular amongst Christians and so was included.
E. The book of Revelations was also considered heretical by many :
For centuries The Revelation was a rejected book. In the 4th century, St.John Chrysostom and other bishops argued against it. Christians in Syria also reject it. The Synod of Laodicea: c. 363, rejected The Revelation. In the late 380s, Gregory of Nazianus produced a canon omitting The Revelation. Bishop Amphilocus of Iconium, in his poem Iambics for Seleucus written some time after 394, rejects The Revelation. When St.Jerome translated the Bible into Latin, producing the Vulgate bible c. 400, he argued for the Veritas Hebraica, meaning the truth of the Jewish Bible over the Septuagint translation. At the insistence of the Pope, however, he added existing translations for what he considered doubtful books: among them The Revelation. The Church in the East never included the Revelation.
4-) The early church did not seem to know anything about a historical Jesus. Huge amounts of disagreement over Jesus in the first hundred years :

1. Some churches didn’t even believe he had a physical body, prompting Paul to write about that very issue.
   
2. There was an enormous debate between all the major early churches as to whether Jesus was divine or not, this was settled at the council of Nicea by the Roman Emperor Constantine.
   

5-) Which Bible?
A. Over 450 English versions of the bible All are translated using different methods and from entirely different manuscripts
B. Thousands of manuscripts disagreeing with each other wildly in what verses and even books they contain.
C. Different translations teach entirely different things in places, some often leaving out entire chapters and verses or containing footnotes warning of possible error due to uncertainty about the reliability of the numerous manuscripts.
Take a look at this example, 1- Revised standard version 2- Revised standard version Catholic edition 3- NEW revised standard version Updated edition 4- NEW revised standard version Catholic edition 5- NEW revised standard version, Anglicised 6- NEW revised standard version, Anglicised Catholic edition
How many attempts would it take to finally get it right ?!
6-) The Morality of the bible
I don't like using Morality as an argument because i believe it's a subjective thing, But I cannot help but notice how the morals of the OT and the NT are completely contradictory
In the OT god was Angry, Vengeful, Demands war, order genocides, Ordered the killing of children and even the ripping open of pregnant women.
But in the NT he somehow became loving, a father figure, saying if anyone hits you you shouldn't even respond back.

• In Conclusion: I don't think Christianity can be accepted as the truth by any logical person (Even most convert stories i heard were basically "I saw jesus in a dream" or "The holy spirit held my hand")

There is so many Theological confusion, A salvation idea that makes 0 sense, Lack of any form of historical critirea of knowing what is true manuscripts and what is hearsays (The authors of the gospels are all Anynomous),
There is even disagreement within Christianity itself about what stories go into the bible (Many stories have been found out to be false like John 8:1-11 and Mark 16:18)
https://textandcanon.org/does-the-woman-caught-in-adultery-belong-in-the-bible/
The lack of consistency on literally everything makes it one of the least convincing religion in my opinion.

General
I am looking for a lady between 28 and 35 years old, for a committed monogamous childfree relationship. My goal is to become a true team, supporting each other, caring for each other, nurturing each other and helping each other grow and realise our goals and dreams as much as possible. I'm hoping to find someone that values a relationship as much as I do and takes it seriously. It's not the only thing my life revolves around, but it's also not just something 'nice to have' for me.
I tried to be as concise as possible while still providing what details I think are crucial to know; I realise this post turned out very long, but I prefer those because I can get as good an idea as possible with detailed descriptions, bar actually talking to the person, and find that very valuable, so if that also applies to you, that would be awesome.
Basics
I am 186cm tall, slim/fit built, dark brown hair, brown eyes. Both my arms are tattooed (full sleeve), as are my calves and the areas above my ankles. Regarding pictures see below. I am a runner (ranging from 5k to full marathon), training multiple times a week. I'm also vegan. My love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. While I am mostly securely attached, withdrawing from me triggers anxiety and I have made a horrible experience with a fearful avoidant partner in the past, so that is something I fear I cannot deal with again.
I am also an atheist.
I am a very warm, soft and sensitive person, I think I am humorous, I am self reflecting a lot and I can also be really passionate and romantic. Those are traits that also are really important to me in a woman.
I can be quite social, I am a good talker, but also love to listen to really get to know someone on a deeper level. I can enjoy an evening out with friends just as much as the silence of sitting at the shores of the river and watching the sunset in solitude (although I've been craving to watch it together with a partner for a really long time now). I can be out in a pub, at a rave, a metal show or in the stadium watching football and have the time of my life, but I cannot do these things every day; I need recharge time (on the sofa, in the woods for a run, a lazy Sunday staying in bed etc.). This should give you an idea; basically, I am a homebody that thoroughly enjoys going out in moderation.
I won't say too much about hobbies; suffice it to say I am into the dark, the obscure, the macabre, the occult, the mysterious, the erotic. It won't surprise you that I had a gothic phase in my youth, bonus points if you did too!
What I am looking for
Although similar hobbies and interests are a plus (and there have to be at least a couple things we have in common), emotional and sexual compatibility are more important to me. I am a very sensitive and emotional person (I do cry easily and by this point I don't think I'll ever be able to change that, sorry), so if you're too, we will definitely understand each other. I need someone who I can open up to (which I do rather quickly, anyway), be myself, bare my soul to and I need these things from you, too. I've had my share of emotionally unavailable women who were afraid of intimacy so I know I can't deal with that again because of the way how those things affect me. I am always emotionally invested with the woman I pursue and in those cases that was to my detriment. But my ability to feel so deep is also something I wouldn't want to change because as of yet, although it's getting harder, I haven't given up on finding someone.
With those emotional needs come two requirements that I found to be vital over the years: First, being able to be silly and cutesy together and to accept each other's inner child and care for it. I am not talking about having to deal with another person's immaturity or inability to perform basic adult skills, rather with the way sadness, hurt, anxiety and being overwhelmed manifests for me (and maybe for you, too?). I need someone who is able to comfort me, to hold me, to allow me to be weak and needy for a while until I've calmed down, and I'm more than ready to offer the same. Your inner child can come out for a while, no problem (: Also in a positive way: Thankfully, today everyone seems to be understanding of the cuteness overload cats (or any animal baby, really) can cause; I need that with a partner. I also still have plushies as comfort animals (some of which in quite a litteral sense as they make for really amazing pillows) and ideally, you do too.
There is a saying that in every relationship, one person is the stronger one. In the past, I have been with women who obviously were stronger than me, but that doesn't mean they always had to be strong, far from it. I certainly, like I said, need to be able to feel protected, but it's not like I'm a particularly needy partner, like everyone, I have my ups and downs, but I can pull my weight and have been told by past partners that I am very caring and that they felt safe and understood with me, and providing that for my partner is really important for me as well – this just to put the picture I'm (somewhat haphazardly) trying to paint into perspective.
Second, sexual compatibility. I have a high libido and I have kinks, so you should, too, in order that we can explore and enjoy them together. I found out how fulfilling living out those fantasies can be after years of never being able to try and in a relationship, sexual fulfillment for both partners is a must for me. Someone on here has coined the term 'filthy best friends and partners' which I have no shame to be stealing because it's such an apt description.
I'm looking for a balance between healthy independence and being emotionally present. A relationship where we 'get' each other; we're both each other's number one and treat each other like royalty. Where a disagreement leads to more intimacy between us as we understand better, not to resentment. Where we're comfortable baring our souls to each other, becoming a safe haven and secure base for each other. I don't like the modern notion that you 'should never feel too safe in a relationship' because that sounds like running from the mafia (and believe me, I love mafia movies); you should always put in effort, yes, but safety is one of the things I always want to experience and provide in a relationship. We shouldn't fear that a disagreement leads straight to breakup. I know ‘self-sufficiency’ is trending right now, but I feel like as partners, we’re partly responsible for each other and not our own but also each other’s happiness. Being dependant and dependable at the same time is important; making each other’s wellbeing a priority. I love the relationship model outlined in Stan Tatkin’s ‘Wired for Love’ and you should, too. If you’re not able to healthily depend on someone and their support while you’re having a hard time, look elsewhere. I know codependency is the latest thing everyone’s afraid of, but experiencing someone you’ve grown very attached to just bailing because they’re counterdependent and can’t stand working on themselves while simultaneously letting you in is something I’d rather not go through again. If I have to be afraid you’ll run at the first major problem that surfaces, even if it’s a ‘you’-problem, it’s not going to work. I think that all things can and need to be talked about. If you think ignoring someone for days is a form of communication, please look elsewhere. If you think’s it’s okay to lovebomb someone and then leave after a couple of months with the minimum amount of information and no proper conversation because you’re not ready to own up to what’s happening to you emotionally, please look elsewhere.
I am looking for someone real. We all have our problems, I don't want or need a 'perfect' person. You don't have everything figured out or 'all your shit' together. Be imperfect. Admit when you feel sad and angry, lonely, hopeless or even helpless – it's all relatable. Don't hide it. Be quirky, be dorky, be witchy, be opinionated, be yourself. Don't pretend.
I'm looking for someone to share romance with. Not great gestures, but small, meaningful ones. Poems for each other, expressing our feelings; cards with heartfelt messages that we put our perfume/cologne on, and a symbol that means something to us only, the print of your lips with lipstick, the way I sign and seal my letters for you.
Just as important to me is agreeing on living a healthy life, staying in shape both for ourselves and for each other, regularly working out and eating healthy. I am drug and disease-free and expect the same of you. I do drink as I love a good beer or glass of wine, rum or whiskey, but I've never really been drinking much and especially during the past year have further reduced it. One vice I have is that I enjoy a couple of cigars a year, but I can definitely accommodate you in this regard.
Another important point is aligned life goals: many childfree people seem to be adventurous, but that is a trait I don't associate with myself at all. I value safety more than adventure. I want to build a home together with my partner, a safespace for the both of us, where we always feel loved and protected, a place that we create together, make it cozy together so we just love to get back home there wherever we might have been, a home we decorate together for Halloween (my favourite holiday) or Christmas or Springtime, as we live in tune with the seasons, seeing them change around us, enjoying nature on a walk or the rain outside, reading in our cozy home. I value stability and harmony.
Appearance-wise, I am into ladies on the smaller side (albeit not regarding height), so I'm looking for someone petite/slim/skinny/healthy-fit. Likewise, I am not really muscular and don't have visible abs; like I said, I'm a runner, so if you're more into the gym-type, I'm not a good fit.
The natural progression for me would be to move from text to voice calls, videochat and then meeting up, all of that rather sooner than later. Not that there’s a need to rush anything, but having my heart broken because I already developed feelings due to a longer timeframe and then everything unexpectedly turning to shit is not something I want to have to live through again. I’d rather see earlier if we’re compatible or not; as someone who catches feelings fast I need to protect myself, I unfortunately had to learn that
Caveats/Possible red flags

• I don't like travelling as it stresses me out; I don't mind being somewhere else for a week or two, but the organisation part of it drains my energy very quickly and dealing with stuff that doesn't work out is overwhelming to me. Smaller trips are ok, but I'm not the right person to travel the world with.
• I am not the most awake person in the morning (i.e. I identify as nightowl)
• I need space for my own projects/time to recharge after social interaction.
• While I feel like I am in tune with my inner child and working on/with it through therapy, I realise this is something that could be a turn-off for people.
• I have been diagnosed with depressive episodes in the past and am taking anti-depressants right now. I realise that I am a work in progress, maybe more so than in times past, but I manage and the fact that I'm putting myself out here is based on me being ready to get to know someone new.
• I want to create a home together here, as I'm firmly rooted where I was born; I realise this is a lot to ask, but I have seen many people here being open to moving, so I want to at least try reaching out to them.

If you're interested, feel free to message me and include some pictures of yourself and I will reply with my own. Have a nice day (:

The Scriptures seem to imply that the kingdom of God isn't exactly synonymous with what is called "the Church." The Church was a temporary eschatological community of believers that existed on earth in preparation of a kingdom where God Himself would reign, and said community had Christ reign over them in the meantime. The head of the Church was Christ, with the Father serving as his head (1 Cor. 11:3). The Scriptures teach that, when all Christ's enemies were to be made his footstool, he was to give back all authority to the Father (Psa. 110:1, 1 Cor. 15:22-28), and it is this page's belief that this happened in 70 AD.
The following quotation is from the above hyperlink:

As for the "1000 years" mentioned in Revelation, they are apocalyptic metaphor for the 40 years Christ "reigned" (triumphed) over his enemies both human and spirit, with the final triumph being the judgement of apostate Jerusalem. The "1000 years" began with his ascension, and ended with this judgement.

Thus, the community to replace the Church on earth was to be the kingdom of God. But, what even is the kingdom of God, and why did God have to reclaim authority of His own creation in the first place?
To be as succinct as possible: man sinned, and so the great level of authority God initially granted us ourselves over the creation was stripped. As a result, the human condition has suffered and it must be redeemed for God to allow us to reign with Him in the way that He originally intended for us. God has always been sovereign, of course, but He seeks the good of man to make us stewards over His world with Him, as that was His original plan and this was His original view of what a kingdom of His truly looks like: a kingdom characterized by man's love for Him and love for others.
A Biblical understanding of Adam's sin, contrary to popular thought, isn't that we are guilty of what he did personally. We simply inherit his fallen nature and a fallen world as a result of his sin, the same way a baby could leave the womb already addicted to certain substances because the mother abused said substances while pregnant. It's not the baby's fault for its condition, it was the parent's. But the baby is born with this condition and enters the world like this nonetheless.
The implication of this is that we are all only guilty of our own sins, and whether or not we ever seek to treat (or possibly cure) our condition in the first place is on us. We were dealt a bad hand due to Adam, sure, but God doesn't hold us responsible for what our forefather did. God only holds us responsible for what we do, and whether or not we seek to be liberated from the dark forces which keep us in bondage to our sinful condition (Gen. 4:6-7, Deut. 24:16, Jer. 31:30, Ezek. 18, Matt. 9:9-13).
The whole Old Testament is essentially a record of God's people constantly breaking their covenant(s) with Him. There are individuals mentioned throughout that were, of course, commended by God and the Biblical authors for their righteousness in honestly pursuing to remain faithful to their covenant with Him. But even the best of these people often faltered and, in fact, did rather heinous things in their lives at one point or another. One of the greatest examples of this is king David, who was literally called by the Scriptures "a man after God's own heart" (1 Sam. 13:14, Acts 13:22). Yet, this same man at one point committed adultery and then murdered the man he stole the wife of to try and cover it up. This was a heinous thing, and David repented of what he did with genuine sorrow and guilt toward God. God ultimately forgave him, but not without a heavy hand of chastisement and earthly consequences for his actions.
All throughout the Old Testament, you see various men of God who were deemed righteous, but these same men were usually shown to have some major flaw that prevented them from living a life that could be characterized as consistent obedience to the commandments to love God and love others as themselves. There is something deeply wrong with man's heart, according to the Bible. Something so wrong, in fact, that a whole prophecy had to be given that promised to address the issue of man's seeming incapability to accomplish fulfilling the commandment to love consistently on their own without some sort of divine help from above:

"A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh."-Ezekiel 36:26

Naturalistic philosophies see the physical world as all that exists. Humans beings are the result of mindless, chance causes and processes. Humans are essentially animals – highly evolved, but no different in significance than any other living thing. Thus naturalistic views demote humans. But this view leaves a lot unexplained. Why do humans practice altruism, benevolence, or acts of heroism? What explains acts of incredible goodness? Sure, naturalistic arguments have been made that true altruism doesn't exist, and that "unconditional love" is really just an illusion that's been disguised very well by our survival instincts that we've developed over a long period of time at certain stages of our evolutionary process. However, many people have found such arguments to be unpersuasive and naive when compared to their actual experience of the world as they mature in their lives and have what they know to be truly meaningful experiences that can't simply be reduced in the way that the naturalist wishes them to be. This realization was ultimately why I transitioned from hard atheism to agnostic spiritualism at one point or another.
On the other extreme of these things, transcendental worldviews and philosophies say that the physical world is illusory. Only the spiritual world is ultimately real. Humans are an expression of the divine spirit that is the essence of all things. If naturalistic views demote humans to the level of animals, transcendental views promote human beings. God is not “out there” somewhere; we are God. God is all, thus God is us. But this view doesn’t explain real evil. Why are people selfish? Why do they hurt others? What accounts for personal acts of evil like rape or terrorism? If we are all truly "God," then why would we ever do such things to what is ultimately "ourself"? And why can't a person who practices the belief that we are all actually "God" be only loving? There are so many people who adopt this view of reality who are constantly, day by day, finding that they struggle to be as truly loving as they wish to be because they will still sometimes find themselves thinking and doing rather evil and selfish things. I can speak from experience here, remembering throwing myself into the New Age movement when I was desperately seeking what I did not know at the time was forgiveness for and redemption from my sins because of who I was as a person up until that point. I was seeking the mythic "ego death" that promised me that I could truly be loving and find the forgiveness and redemption I was searching for, because I thought that if only I truly realized I was "God" all along, I could then accomplish these things all at once and simultaneously. I eventually found even this philosophy unsatisfactory when I came to the aforementioned conclusions concerning our great capacity for evil, and also realized that forgiveness can only exist if there are two parties: forgiver and forgivee. Such a thing is impossible if there is only really one being at play at the bottom of reality, and I knew deep down that forgiving oneself (at least, on its own) will never satisfy one's pursuit for redemption that we all inherently take part in whenever pursuing to mend even our own relationships with each other as humans. Further, love would be an illusion in this philosophy too, being that there is only really one party behind and in all of existence if "everything is God." Such an idea would make true altruism a farce, as well. There would be no such thing as real sacrifice for another, because in this worldview, there is no "another."
The French mathematician and Christian philosopher Blaise Pascal said, “Man’s greatness and wretchedness are so evident that the true religion must necessarily teach both.” Any philosophy that cannot fully account for human greatness and human depravity at the same time should be abandoned because it misses something obvious about the human condition. The religion of the Bible has a valid explanation for human greatness: people are made in God’s image. Thus we have dignity, value, and capacity for good. The Bible also explains human evil: the image of God has been defaced by sin. Our great capacity gets used for the wrong purposes. Our creativity is placed in the service of evil and our best intentions twisted for selfish gain. Something has gone terribly wrong. While other worldviews unduly demote or promote humanity, the Bible gets the tension just right.
Thus, human nature is puzzling and conflicting. Other worldviews—both secular and religious—struggle to account for this enigma, and don't offer satisfying solutions to the problem itself. The Bible, however, explains what happened when it tells us that man rebelled against God in the paradise that was prepared for him called "the Garden of Eden." We fell into temptation and estranged ourselves from God by tarnishing the image we were created in, and now are born with a natural proclivity to do evil, despite our best efforts to do good (that is, to do good consistently).
And so, the Bible promised a solution in the prophet Ezekiel that God will literally change our natural human condition, if we simply choose to humble ourselves before Him in faith to allow for such a change. While as unbelievers our inner disposition towards God is often rebellious, we at least still have the capacity to choose to do the righteous thing in seeking God that He may change us and forgive us if we so let Him. This is one reason why Jesus, (the one who made the fulfillment of Ezekiel's prophecy even possible by his coming, sacrifice, ressurection, and outpouring of the Spirit upon his ascension), said that only faith the size of a mustard seed was required for something so miraculous as moving a mountian to happen, because so little is required from us to allow God to change us into the kind of person He's always wanted us to be, and yet changing the condition of our own heart can be compared to literally moving a mountain if we were to try and do so on our own strength alone. The mustard seed was the smallest of seeds, and yet if one simply planted it and nurtured it, it could become a bush so large that it was comparable to a tree with branches that stretched to the heavens for the very birds of the air to rest on.
It was when I came to these realizations that I prayed to God for the first time again, having been years since I did so, going so far back as to when I was a little child even. I prayed in the dead of night in my room, and asked God to show me the truth and to reveal Himself to me if indeed these things were true, and in an instant I felt His very presence in my room, and my heart was changed. To describe such an experience would be like trying to describe the taste of something to the man born without tastebuds, the color of something to the man born blind, or the sound of something to the man born deaf; there are no words, and it is only something you can know by experiencing it for yourself. Suddenly and all at once, I knew right then and there that Jesus really was who he said he was, that the one true God is the God of the Bible, and that I have been forgiven. As the time of this post, it's been 5 years since then, I'm 23 now, and I'm still walking with God.
My prayer for anyone reading this that may not know God for themselves yet is that one day, you will too.
Back to the topic at hand.
When Adam sinned, we fell under the tyranny of death, corruption, evil heavenly powers, and sin itself. When Jesus came, Jesus was the new and exalted human, the new Adam, through whom humanity could now realize their original destiny that was laid out for them in the Garden of Eden. Because Jesus, being a man, obeyed unto death, he has defeated the powers which held us so long under bondage; we are now promised liberation so long as we simply place our faith in his sacrifice to wash us of our sins and receive the Spirit of God that is also promised to all who exercise this faith.
We often think of ‘the gospel’ as the part that brings the forgiveness of sins (and of course, that is part of the idea), but ‘gospel’ is the announcement that everything has changed in the coming of Jesus and it leads us to a new kind of living.
The gospel Jesus preached and the gospel the apostle Paul preached were different, in that Jesus preached of a kingdom where God reigns directly and with all His faithful subjects as participants in that reign. The gospel Paul preached was about the exaltation and reign of Christ, and because Christ reigned, the consummation of the kingdom of God with earth could now finally take place (Col. 1:12-13). This consummation was put on hold during Christ's "millennial" reign, which transpired between his ascension and his return. However, the consummation has come to full fruition since that return.
We will be arguing for some of these claims by pointing out how central the kingdom of God actually was to Jesus' earthly ministry and message, and demonstrate what Jesus taught about how it actually looks like.
The term 'kingdom' appears 53 times in 42 places in Matthew, 17 times in 13 places in Mark, and 41 times in 29 places in Luke. When the 'kingdom' is qualified, Luke always refers to the 'kingdom of God' (32 times) and Mark follows this pattern (14 times). Matthew, on the other hand, prefers the term "kingdom of heaven" (31 times), using the phrase to refer to the same idea "kingdom of God" only four times: 12:28, 19:24, 21:31, 43.
The Gospel of Luke records an event where Jesus responds to the population that lived near Simon Peter's house who believed in him after he had done his miraculous work there, but saw that he was leaving them:

"And when it was day, he departed and went into a desert place: and the people sought him, and came unto him, and stayed him, that he should not depart from them. And he said unto them, I must preach the kingdom of God to other cities also: for therefore [i.e., for this pupose] am I sent." (vss. 42-43)

The Greek word euangelion is often translated as the word 'gospel.' In the Bible, this word is always used whenever it concerns the announcement of the reign of a new king. And in the New Testament, the Gospels themselves use this word or the phrase "good news" to summarize all of Jesus’ teachings. They say he went about “preaching the gospel [good news] of the kingdom [of God]” (Matt. 4:23).
There’s this beautiful poem in the Old Testament, and it’s in chapter 52 of the Book of Isaiah. The city of Jerusalem had just been destroyed by Babylon, a great kingdom in the North. Many of the inhabitants of the city have been sent away into exile, but a few remained in the city, and they’re left wondering, "What happened? Has our God abandoned us?" This was because Jerusalem was supposed to be the city where God would reign over the world to bring peace and blessing to everyone.
Now, Isaiah had been saying that Jerusalem’s destruction was a mess of Israel’s own making. They had turned away from their God, become corrupt, and so their city and their temple were destroyed. Everything seemed lost. But the poem goes on. There is a watchman on the city walls, and far out on the hills we see a messenger. He’s running towards the city. He’s running and he’s shouting, “Good news!” And Isaiah says, “How beautiful are the feet of him that bringeth good tidings [news]” (vs. 7a). The feet are beautiful because they’re carrying a beautiful message. And what’s the message? That despite Jerusalem’s destruction, Israel’s God still reigns as king, and that God's presence is going to one day return with His city, take up His throne, and bring peace. And the watchmen sing for joy because of the good news that their God still reigns (vs. 10).
Jesus saw himself as the messenger bringing the news that God reigns. Jesus also claimed to be the Son of man. This was Jesus' favorite self-designation, being used some 80 times in the Gospels. Notice, not just a son of man, but the Son of Man. Jesus was directing our attention to a vision described by the prophet Daniel:

"I saw in the night visions, and, behold, one like the Son of man came with the clouds of heaven, and came to the Ancient of days, and they brought him near before him. And there was given him dominion, and glory, and a kingdom, that all people, nations, and languages, should serve him:"-Daniel 7:13-14a

At Jesus' trial, the Jewish high priest accused Jesus: "Art thou the Messiah, the Son of the Blessed [God]?" His answer left no room for doubt. "I am: and ye shall see the Son of man sitting on the right hand of power, and coming in the clouds of heaven." (Mark 14:61-62). Because Jesus' was rejected and killed for threatening the power the religious authorities had over the people, the consummation of God's kingdom with earth had been put on hold until all of Christ's enemies would be put under his feet after his ressurection and ascension.
But again, what is the kingdom of God? What does it look like exactly?
Well, the way that Jesus described God’s reign surprised everybody. I mean, think about it. A powerful, successful kingdom needs to be strong, able to impose its will, and able to defeat its enemies in physical combat. But Jesus said the greatest person in God’s kingdom was the weakest, the one who loves and who serves the poor (Matt. 23:11-12). He said you live under God’s reign when you respond to evil by loving your enemies, and forgiving them, and seeking peace (Matt. 5). To us, this is an upside-down kingdom. But to God, it's right-side up. This was what God had originally planned for us: a kingdom where God reigns in our hearts.

"Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God."-John 3:3

Jesus was being quite literal here. You can’t see the kingdom until you’re born again and have the life of that kingdom. When you’re born again, you start 'seeing' differently. You see what others don’t see, you hear what others don’t hear, you know what others don’t know. And yet you may be physically in the same earthly location as they.
The kingdom of God is the totality of God’s influence that covers the world and heaven. It’s everywhere, but its manifestation isn’t everywhere. It manifests on earth wherever there are those who are born again and live as if God reigns in their hearts.
Before Jesus, John the Baptist announced to all people, “The kingdom of heaven is at hand!” (Matt. 3:1-2), as he saw a soon coming kingdom of God that would be ushered in by the Messiah. Notice that John the Baptist didn’t say that something “like” the kingdom would come and he didn’t say that the real kingdom might be thousands of years away. He said over and over that THE kingdom was at hand! Do you believe him? Did God inspire him to give a clear and accurate message or a mistaken one? If we dare to believe him, things might become surprisingly clear, simple and exceedingly optimistic.

"Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven."-Matthew 6:10

Jesus taught his followers of his generation to pray that God's kingdom come and that His will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. Why pray for something that will just inevitably come by force, unless it was actually through our willing participation? That is, unless God's will is carried out through us "in earth, as it is in heaven"?

"Now after that John was put in prison, Jesus came into Galilee, preaching the gospel of the kingdom of God, And saying, The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand: repent ye, and believe the gospel."-Mark 1:14-15

It's very telling that these are the very first words the Gospel of Mark chooses to record Jesus as saying.
The kingdom is NOT something to wait for. Jesus says the kingdom is NOT something visible, and it is NOT something in the sky. The Kingdom Jesus taught is a spiritual reality that comes into the world through us. Considering that Jesus even said the kingdom was in and among the Pharisees in Luke 17, which seems almost offensive to consider, perhaps it is like a spiritual seed that has been planted inside each of us, and that activating faith in God makes it grow.

"Then said he, Unto what is the kingdom of God like? and whereunto shall I resemble it? It is like a grain of mustard seed, which a man took, and cast into his garden; and it grew, and waxed a great tree; and the fowls of the air lodged in the branches of it."-Luke 13:18-19

Jesus talked about the kingdom as if it would be a present reality, yet one that was growing in the world like a seed grows into a tree.

"And again he said, Whereunto shall I liken the kingdom of God? It is like leaven, which a woman took and hid in three measures of meal, till the whole was leavened."-Luke 13:20-21

To Jesus, the kingdom was something growing in us like yeast through dough, increasing in effectiveness.

"For the kingdom of God is not meat and drink; but righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost."-Romans 14:17
"For the kingdom of God is not in word, but in power."-1 Corinthians 4:20

Paul says the kingdom isn’t something you taste or touch like physical food. It’s not even saying the right words. But rather the kingdom comes in the realities of righteousness, peace, joy and power that flavor our lives when we live empowered by the Spirit of God and God's Spirit in us.
Since Jesus the Messiah returned only 40 years after his earthly ministry, putting all enemies under his feet, the complete consummation of earth with the kingdom of heaven has finally taken place.
The kingdom of God has come, and it continues to come through us as believers. It makes progress like light shining into the world and dispelling the darkness.

"Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven."-Matthew 5:14-16

Most Preterists affirm that we are in the kingdom of God now. That is, we believe that through faith in Jesus Christ's atonement we enter into the kingdom of God, which is spiritual. We speak of the spiritual nature of the kingdom. We speak of God dwelling with men. We affirm God’s presence with us. We even affirm that we are in the new heavens and new earth. But the question remains: If we have all of this now, how does this translate into a proper view of “the afterlife”? (Hereafter this term will refer to consciousness and the new body after physical expiration of this body in this mortal realm.) In other words, how does this translate into a hopeful view of the afterlife?
We must dispel a dismal doctrine floating around that this is all there is. There are some Preterists who teach that we are in the kingdom in the here and now, but when we physically expire it is all over. We simply turn to dust. What follows will prove this idea to be dreadfully wrong. This will be evident not so much by proving what we will not have after our body dies; rather, it will be evident by proving that what we have now is eternally enduring, because we have immortality.
“He who lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?” Jesus said this to Martha after her brother Lazarus had physically died. She was a real woman who had a real conscience and a real life experience. Lazarus was physically dead; therefore we must take this into consideration as we try to make sense of Jesus’ subsequent words:

"Jesus saith unto her, Thy brother shall rise again. Martha saith unto him, I know that he shall rise again in the resurrection at the last day. Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die. Believest thou this?"-John 11:23-26

The Jews obviously believed in a resurrection of the dead. Martha did too. But Jesus tells her that he is the resurrection and the life. However, he doesn’t stop there. He begins to both qualify and quantify this life: “He that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live” (vs. 25b). At this point we might still infer from his words that he is referring to physical life, but his next words contradict that idea: “And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die” (vs. 26a). Let’s paraphrase his words to elucidate his view of resurrection: “I am the spiritual resurrection and life. Your brother has died physically, but he will rise with a ‘better resurrection’ (Heb. 11:35). He who believes in me, though he were physically dead like Lazarus, yet shall he spiritually live. And he who is presently physically living shall never die spiritually.” Some try to convolute this text by inferring that Christ was speaking of two resurrections. But his statement that he is the resurrection and the life prohibits that concept. Finally, he is obviously not stating that he who lives and believes in Christ will not physically die. If this were his meaning, then we would have to conclude that no one ever truly believed in him, for all of us still physically die; or we would have to conclude that he was mistaken or was lying, neither of which is an option within the parameters of the Biblical faith.
Obviously those who question this idea will ask questions like, “So this is heaven?” By “this” their minds usually gravitate back to what they see, hear, and feel and not to what the Scripture says. They fail to make a distinction between the physical realm and the spiritual realm. We must remind them that even they will confess that God dwells in their hearts. They would never say that this is a physical dwelling place. In fact they will gladly tell us that our hearts are the spiritual dwelling place of God, a fact with which we would agree. So it should not seem a strange thing that all the blessings mentioned in Revelation chapters 21 and 22 are bound up in the affirmation that God dwells in our hearts, presently. God does not cease to dwell in our hearts in the afterlife. He merely continues to live out His presence with us both here and hereafter.

Hello.
My name is Flaviu E. Hongu. Some people including myself choose to spell my name as Flavius instead. I am what most would call a white dude. I was born in Romania in a fully Romanian family, and was raised by said Romanian family.
I would like to address specifically the people who use the term "cultural appropriation". There has not been even one case I've ever seen of someone saying cultural appropriation that wasn't a mistake. In every occasion I saw people partaking in and appreciating culture, not stealing it.
There have been cases where the person saying cultural appropriation has been actively racist to multiple groups of people, like when someone accused a young girl of mocking a culture for making funny faces while dancing their local dance. Well it turns out those "funny faces" that you criticized are actually part of the dance itself, and you made a fool of yourself and everyone who says cultural appropriation because you've just insulted their local dance.
I swear to god this is infuriating. Culture has always been meant to be shared, appreciated, mixed and changed. That's the whole point of culture.
My own Romanian culture is a mix of Roman (as the name suggests), Greek, Slavic, and also a huge chunk of Dacian which is the native tribe that inhabited the land before Romans conquered it.
By existing as a Romanian dude, am I fucking appropriating the Romans' culture for speaking my literal native Romanian language which comes from the Roman language? Am I appropriating the Slavs for being part of an Orthodox culture and using words such as slavă, ispravă, duhu sfânt, and slobozie? Am I appropriating the Slavs when the only word for clock in Romanian is ceas, which comes from the Slavic word for time? Should I still be speaking the Dacian language that the Romans eradicated and wearing only robes and herding sheep because I'm a native Romanian?
Or I'll do you one better, I live in Spain now, and I've been living here for most of my life, so I developed an appreciation for their culture. I think lentejas, garbanzos, and cocido are some of the most delicious shit humans have ever invented. Am I appropriating their culture when I unironocallh cook those dishes because I LOVE them? Or am I appropriating their culture whenever I speak their language, enjoy their music, read and quote their books, sing their poems and dance their dances???
The only way something can be qualified as cultural appropriation is if some group of people begins to do something that was developed by another group of people and then forbid and ban the original creators of thst practice from doing the thing.
I've never seen that happen in real life, and I don't thing it's even possible. If you ever feel like saying cultural appropriation, I think you mean cultural appreciation.
If I ever visit the US and see someone who isn't Romanian wearing my country's cultural clothes I'll LOVE IT. And if I walk down the street and see a dude wearing Adidas, doing the balkaner sitting, holding a bottle of home made țuică, going like "BA FRATE CE FACI MĂ?!" with a thick US accent and then he yells "SUKA BLYAT OH KURWA" and starts doing the Rasputin dance I will die of laughter right then and there, I will then join the dude in his comedic act, I will provide some original, real balkaner energy and will drink the țuică with him because it's funny as shit and I love that he even knows that much about my culture.
That's not appropriation. No one can appropriate my culture because no one can stop me from doing it and if they do it, I'll love it.
However what I did observe was that this "accusing people of cultural appropriation" thing is only ever done to white people. Like according to their logic a Kenyan cannot dance tango, and a Chinese can't play the piano, but no! They only ever target white people, and sometimes mock and disrespect the culture the white people are APPRECIATING out of sheer hatred for whites and full on ignorance.
As a matter of fact, according to their logic, if you aren't white you cannot and should not be wearing sneakers, pants, shirts, t-shirts, or glasses, you should not be using the English language, you shouldn't use cars because they were invented by a German, you shouldn't even be using phones and computers because it's a white cultural aspect.
Fucking bullshit I tell you.
The reality is that these people never ever target someone who is not white or someone partaking in other white culture. And I've heard them say things like white people have no culture which is why they feel the need to steal other's. Which is the most stupid and ignorant and even offensive thing I've heard. As a Romanian dude with a super rich culture, who also knows about the culture of other balkaners and the other countries surrounding my own, which are all inhabited by whites with a very very different culture, I feel invalidated. Do they think US culture is the only white culture? And also, they're even more ignorant than that because saying white people have no culture is like saying Americans don't have an accent. You don't hear the accent because it's YOUR accent and to YOU it doesn't sound different. And same as that, they don't consider American English culture a real culture because they see it every day.
People like that are actually just racists and hateful of white people and are using cultural appropriation as an excuse to insult white people and harass them for no reason at all. They are no better than the white racists, and their claims of white people having no culture is insulting and invalidating to the thousands of cultures that white people do have, all different from each other.
So, if you're the kind of person to say cultural appropriation, don't ever say that shit again, go ahead and stuff your stinky mouth with sarmale that you cooked yourself, go and put on an ie, go and dance a good horă and go put an entire oină bat in your ass.

I found out I still follow discord boy on Spotify and decided to listen to the playlist he made that has over 200 songs and he wanted me to listen to all of them and now I want to listen to it all. augh this brings back memories. I remember when we were texting or voice chatting I was starting to listen to the playlist and he FUCKING PLAYED EACH SONG I WAS LISETNING TO just to make sure we were listening to teh song together and now I feel all bitter sweetness in my heart cause I miss this guy. I miss what we had and I know I say I'm not over bumble bro but fuck If bumble bro weren't on my mind, I'd miss discord boy. cause I still do sometimes miss him. I miss our long video chats. I miss teasing him about Andrea the girl from his game. I miss his good morning texts and I miss voice chatting him right after he was done working and while I was getting ready for class. we never got to look at squish mallows. fuck him for missing out on that. Fuck him for not letting me get a squish mallow keychain for his backpack. FUck him for being one of the better guys. I know he didnt' give his number. But fuck I miss what we had and now here I am listening to his longest playlist. Laughing at his sexy time playlist and kinda disappointed he hastn' added to that playlist. Augh. I wish I had gotten a chance to call him my boyfriend. He has so much potential. but alas I wasn't the girl he wanted. I just was a filler. I was just a backup and time filler. and I was the rebound for the girl he really wanted. GOd I wish men wouldn't do this. make a girl feel so wanted when they dont' actually want her. Augh I miss our voice calls. I miss our texts every day. I miss him. I need help. I need so much help. His memories were literally teh sweetest ever. I'm not over how he got a hot wheels car after going to both the farmers market and Kroger when we were together. I miss him trying to spend time with me before up to the minute before he has to get read for work. FUCK. FUCK Dating.FUcK Men. FUCK me for falling hard and fuck me for being needy and fuck me for not being enough for any of them. I swear to god I'm never enough. I know you all will tell me I'm gonna be enough for one guy one day who will treasure me, but rn my illogical brain tells me I want the guys who might have used me or whatever. Case Right now I just want to feel wanted. Fuck. I miss that feeling of being wanted. I miss feeling like I mattered to someone. I miss having someone who wanted to talk to me every day. Someone who seemed like they cared. but every guy I liked, I fucked up with them. I know I shouldn't blame myself entirely but I have no other reasons when they leave me the in dark or bumble bro shit, when I knew I was the reasons. Why is it so hard to find someone who wants me? I know that's a hyperbole but I mean it. Why can I find someone who I want that wants me back. Why can't I wake up with amnesia and forget all these happy moments, the happiest moment in my life in a while. I'm tired of being in a rut. I'm tired of feeling this way. I just want to feel wanted and desired and cared for. I want to talk to someone every day But no one wants me. NO one wants this basic ass white washed asian (And horny men of reddit, stay the fuck away, you all dont' count) I just want someone to want me. I'm thinking about so many people at once. I fucking hate it. But I had to swear off dating. I had to because people were worried bout e. telling me I need to focus on myself. I need to get over bumble bro. I know I do. But I literally need a distraction to forget him which is horrible. it makes me so sad. It makes me so sad to say I lost the guys who would have been my world. God if discord bro or bumble were here, either one, I'd be so fucking happier than I am right now. Cause right I sometimes wonder why I'm even on this fucking world. Why do I stay alive or why am I alive if no one actually wants me? My sister has her boyfriend and her friends. my odlests sisters have their families, My oldest brother has his family, MY mom and dad have each other, My other brother is fine with solitude. And my best friend prefers to be alone instead and maybe I'm even a chore to them. idk id' have to ask. They say they want me but barely text me and Balme their habits. when I bet they're talking to our other friends cause they would consntalty text and no one would constantly text me. FUCKING HELL WHY AM I ALIVE AND WHOEVER PUT ME HERE NEEDS TO TAKE ME OUT. PLEASE. I'm so fucking done (I feel nothing right now.i'm fine) god I just want to be wanted by someone I want but no one wants me. No wants this piece of rubble. im' too messy. there's seven billion people in the world and no one wants me. they have other people. everyone does. Augh sometimes I wish I could just kill myself so I dont 'need to keep feeling this way but I can't bring myself to do it when I know my family would be crushed, my best friend would not have me in their life forever like they imagined, my friends would have no drama to hear about, my dog would miss me. Discord servers would never know about my death and wonder where I went all their lives, pinging me, asking me where I am. can't do that to them. I can't do it cause they don't deserve it. no one deserves to lose someone to suicide who they could have helped. It's not their fault. I need to communicate better. but I'm too scared. Im' too cared to be too needy or to annoying or whatever. fuck. I hate living this life.i think I gotta turn off this play list it hurts. I need my sad music about missing people and losing people to suicide instead. augh. It hurts. It fucking hurts. And no one knows and since no one knows no one cares. My family thinks I'm perfectly fine. but I've been suffering. I've been suffering being told I might have BPD, being told not to date, being told I'm being a stalker for stalkers BEHAVIORS (that have rarely happened). I'm tired of being scruitienized. I'm tired of being a child and called a child. I'm tired of being confusing and mixing up what I say. I'm so fucking tired of It all. but here I am. FUck this world. Fuck whoever put me here (im sorry god but I'm not well, I want someone who I want to want me but there's n nobody) Like why doesn't god just take me? people tell me he wants me. I could surrender to the devil, just jump off a bridge or stab myself, but nononononono I can't....I can't do it when I have so many things to live for. I can't do it when I know it'll hurt everyone who loves me. I can't do it cause I dont' need discord boy coming to my page one day finding out I killed myself, seeing I talked about him, and how I was hurting thinking it's his fault for leaving. or waht if bumble bro has reddit ? what if he's stalking me???? I can't do it those people. they don't deserve to know that someone they once cared about killed themselves from being in pain because of missing them. I can't do that to them. I just gotta sit and silently suffer wondering why don't just do it. But ig gotta stop thinking about it cause some part me is thinking right now since I'm home alone I could just end it here . I could end it but I can't. but I could. But I can't do it. I wont' do its I won't allow the fucking devil to take me. but at teh same time I could finally be dead and not be in pain or be in a constant state of pain that isn't emotional and mental. I can't. I won't, I refuse. Fuck the devil!
please send some love. Please send some prayers. I'm so numb. I need help. But I'm fine. I wont' do it. I dont 'actually want to do it, I just think of ways I could do it right now. I'm home alone. I could go to my room where a giant pocket knife is sitting on my bedside table. I could I could I could. But I won't. I refuse to. fuck it hurts rn. I just want someone. I want discord boy o r bumble bro or my best friend. But none of them want me right now. And I can't talk to two of them but I dont' want to bother my best friend cause they're tired. So I just sit here and wait for my brother to come home at midnight. ugh. Wish me luck. Need therapy,

I found out I still follow discord boy on Spotify and decided to listen to the playlist he made that has over 200 songs and he wanted me to listen to all of them and now I want to listen to it all. augh this brings back memories. I remember when we were texting or voice chatting I was starting to listen to the playlist and he FUCKING PLAYED EACH SONG I WAS LISETNING TO just to make sure we were listening to teh song together and now I feel all bitter sweetness in my heart cause I miss this guy. I miss what we had and I know I say I'm not over bumble bro but fuck If bumble bro weren't on my mind, I'd miss discord boy. cause I still do sometimes miss him. I miss our long video chats. I miss teasing him about Andrea the girl from his game. I miss his good morning texts and I miss voice chatting him right after he was done working and while I was getting ready for class. we never got to look at squish mallows. fuck him for missing out on that. Fuck him for not letting me get a squish mallow keychain for his backpack. FUck him for being one of the better guys. I know he didnt' give his number. But fuck I miss what we had and now here I am listening to his longest playlist. Laughing at his sexy time playlist and kinda disappointed he hastn' added to that playlist. Augh. I wish I had gotten a chance to call him my boyfriend. He has so much potential. but alas I wasn't the girl he wanted. I just was a filler. I was just a backup and time filler. and I was the rebound for the girl he really wanted. GOd I wish men wouldn't do this. make a girl feel so wanted when they dont' actually want her. Augh I miss our voice calls. I miss our texts every day. I miss him. I need help. I need so much help. His memories were literally teh sweetest ever. I'm not over how he got a hot wheels car after going to both the farmers market and Kroger when we were together. I miss him trying to spend time with me before up to the minute before he has to get read for work. FUCK. FUCK Dating.FUcK Men. FUCK me for falling hard and fuck me for being needy and fuck me for not being enough for any of them. I swear to god I'm never enough. I know you all will tell me I'm gonna be enough for one guy one day who will treasure me, but rn my illogical brain tells me I want the guys who might have used me or whatever. Case Right now I just want to feel wanted. Fuck. I miss that feeling of being wanted. I miss feeling like I mattered to someone. I miss having someone who wanted to talk to me every day. Someone who seemed like they cared. but every guy I liked, I fucked up with them. I know I shouldn't blame myself entirely but I have no other reasons when they leave me the in dark or bumble bro shit, when I knew I was the reasons. Why is it so hard to find someone who wants me? I know that's a hyperbole but I mean it. Why can I find someone who I want that wants me back. Why can't I wake up with amnesia and forget all these happy moments, the happiest moment in my life in a while. I'm tired of being in a rut. I'm tired of feeling this way. I just want to feel wanted and desired and cared for. I want to talk to someone every day But no one wants me. NO one wants this basic ass white washed asian (And horny men of reddit, stay the fuck away, you all dont' count) I just want someone to want me. I'm thinking about so many people at once. I fucking hate it. But I had to swear off dating. I had to because people were worried bout e. telling me I need to focus on myself. I need to get over bumble bro. I know I do. But I literally need a distraction to forget him which is horrible. it makes me so sad. It makes me so sad to say I lost the guys who would have been my world. God if discord bro or bumble were here, either one, I'd be so fucking happier than I am right now. Cause right I sometimes wonder why I'm even on this fucking world. Why do I stay alive or why am I alive if no one actually wants me? My sister has her boyfriend and her friends. my odlests sisters have their families, My oldest brother has his family, MY mom and dad have each other, My other brother is fine with solitude. And my best friend prefers to be alone instead and maybe I'm even a chore to them. idk id' have to ask. They say they want me but barely text me and Balme their habits. when I bet they're talking to our other friends cause they would consntalty text and no one would constantly text me. FUCKING HELL WHY AM I ALIVE AND WHOEVER PUT ME HERE NEEDS TO TAKE ME OUT. PLEASE. I'm so fucking done (I feel nothing right now.i'm fine) god I just want to be wanted by someone I want but no one wants me. No wants this piece of rubble. im' too messy. there's seven billion people in the world and no one wants me. they have other people. everyone does. Augh sometimes I wish I could just kill myself so I dont 'need to keep feeling this way but I can't bring myself to do it when I know my family would be crushed, my best friend would not have me in their life forever like they imagined, my friends would have no drama to hear about, my dog would miss me. Discord servers would never know about my death and wonder where I went all their lives, pinging me, asking me where I am. can't do that to them. I can't do it cause they don't deserve it. no one deserves to lose someone to suicide who they could have helped. It's not their fault. I need to communicate better. but I'm too scared. Im' too cared to be too needy or to annoying or whatever. fuck. I hate living this life.i think I gotta turn off this play list it hurts. I need my sad music about missing people and losing people to suicide instead. augh. It hurts. It fucking hurts. And no one knows and since no one knows no one cares. My family thinks I'm perfectly fine. but I've been suffering. I've been suffering being told I might have BPD, being told not to date, being told I'm being a stalker for stalkers BEHAVIORS (that have rarely happened). I'm tired of being scruitienized. I'm tired of being a child and called a child. I'm tired of being confusing and mixing up what I say. I'm so fucking tired of It all. but here I am. FUck this world. Fuck whoever put me here (im sorry god but I'm not well, I want someone who I want to want me but there's n nobody) Like why doesn't god just take me? people tell me he wants me. I could surrender to the devil, just jump off a bridge or stab myself, but nononononono I can't....I can't do it when I have so many things to live for. I can't do it when I know it'll hurt everyone who loves me. I can't do it cause I dont' need discord boy coming to my page one day finding out I killed myself, seeing I talked about him, and how I was hurting thinking it's his fault for leaving. or waht if bumble bro has reddit ? what if he's stalking me???? I can't do it those people. they don't deserve to know that someone they once cared about killed themselves from being in pain because of missing them. I can't do that to them. I just gotta sit and silently suffer wondering why don't just do it. But ig gotta stop thinking about it cause some part me is thinking right now since I'm home alone I could just end it here . I could end it but I can't. but I could. But I can't do it. I wont' do its I won't allow the fucking devil to take me. but at teh same time I could finally be dead and not be in pain or be in a constant state of pain that isn't emotional and mental. I can't. I won't, I refuse. Fuck the devil!
please send some love. Please send some prayers. I'm so numb. I need help. But I'm fine. I wont' do it. I dont 'actually want to do it, I just think of ways I could do it right now. I'm home alone. I could go to my room where a giant pocket knife is sitting on my bedside table. I could I could I could. But I won't. I refuse to. fuck it hurts rn. I just want someone. I want discord boy o r bumble bro or my best friend. But none of them want me right now. And I can't talk to two of them but I dont' want to bother my best friend cause they're tired. So I just sit here and wait for my brother to come home at midnight. ugh. Wish me luck. Need therapy,

I’ve tried reading this story 3 times with my latest attempt being the longest yet. I used to be an avid reader of the frequent updates, but sometime into the academy arc I started to really dislike it and the feeling was inexplicable as I couldn’t articulate why.
This time around I decided to organize my thoughts into a note on my phone, and thought it would be interesting to share why I fell out of love with the story:

• Takes no interest in its magic system beyond superficial elements. The differences between augmenters, emitters, and conjurers are established but in practice don’t seem to make a difference (beyond occasionally making a character a healer). The mana cores as well seem important at the start, and then quickly lose relevance. Why even pretend to be a cultivation story when cultivation is the least important part? The magic as well seems random, and characters that use any basic element just throw fire, water, earth, etc. There’s occasionally a mention of a character using an AOE spell to give them an advantage with their affinity but who knows what that is or why the fuck it matters. Water character can make the ground covered in water and that helps her how? She can already summon water she doesn’t need water to do that, so in what way does that help her affinity or spells?
  
• King Grey doesn’t act like a king at all. We see in his past life that as a king he only really fought and didn’t do anything with the administration; furthermore, he was trained since a young child/man daily with only 6 hours of sleep between practice. He’s more like an assassin or gladiator than a king which makes me wonder why they even made him a king in his past life.
  
• Anytime there’s peril it has Art going missing (aside from just getting very hurt). Any time he goes missing not only does it forward the plot, but he has to ease the worries of his family as well. Once or twice this is okay, but it happens too damn often.
  
• Art is obviously an OP character, and he often gets handed power ups usually through unnatural convenience. It’s not like he doesn’t earn anything, but it’s not shown; a time skip here and there marks any betterment for himself.
  
• The same can be said for the story overall as it’s interested in always pushing the plot forward, and rarely takes the time to explore its world or characters outside of their dire situations. I recall one particular daunting scene where Art’s academy life was skipped and basically the next important things after is the weird dungeon and then the academy getting invaded and half the important characters getting killed or taken. You know what would’ve made that more impactful? Spending a significant amount of time with these characters.
  
• And speaking of the world, none of it is really explored or even explained. We know there was a human-elf war, we know the origins of lances and mana and shit, but there’s like two locations in the story: floating island with academy, and forest with elves. Art eventually gets taken to some homeland for deities but it looks exactly like the other floating island, and he’s there to train in the Dragon Ball Hyperbolic Time Chamber. He then has to go hunt some stuff or something idk I started to skip just to see where things were going.
  
• Story takes a massive detour to talk about a previous character, Jasmine, and her origins. Needless to say, doing this at the end of Season 5, after a somewhat big death, and after seeing the invasion prior to the war is an unrecoverable blunder. Worse than boomerang storytelling, the author actively pushed his own story out of the way to tell what is essentially a new one entirely; fine for a bonus work or something published on its own, but as a part of the story it drags the flow and suspense to a hard stop.
  

The Legacy of Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky: An In-Depth Analysis of His Music and Influence

Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky (1840–1893) was a Russian composer whose works have become some of the most beloved in classical music. Known for his ballets, symphonies, concertos, and operas, Tchaikovsky's music is characterized by its emotional depth, melodic richness, and masterful orchestration. Here’s an in-depth analysis of his musical characteristics, compositional techniques, cultural impact, notable works, and a theoretical doctoral analysis.

Active Years

Tchaikovsky's active years spanned from the early 1860s until his death in 1893. His career included periods of intense productivity and innovation, resulting in a vast and diverse body of work.

Musical Characteristics

Emotional Expressiveness: - Lyrical Melodies: Tchaikovsky’s music is renowned for its beautiful, expressive melodies that convey a wide range of emotions, from joy to despair. - Dramatic Contrast: His compositions often feature stark contrasts in mood and dynamics, heightening the emotional impact.
Rich Orchestration: - Colorful Instrumentation: Tchaikovsky was a master orchestrator, known for his lush, vibrant orchestrations that make full use of the symphony orchestra’s capabilities. - Innovative Use of Instruments: He frequently used instruments in novel ways to achieve unique timbres and effects.
Structural Clarity: - Balanced Forms: Tchaikovsky’s works typically adhere to clear formal structures, such as sonata-allegro form, which he used to great dramatic effect. - Symphonic Development: His symphonic works exhibit sophisticated development of thematic material, blending traditional forms with his own innovations.
Russian Folk Influence: - Folk Melodies and Rhythms: Tchaikovsky often incorporated Russian folk melodies and rhythms into his music, giving it a distinctive national flavor. - Cultural Themes: Many of his works reflect Russian cultural themes and stories, contributing to the development of a national musical identity.

Cultural Impact

• Ballet Music: Tchaikovsky's ballets, such as Swan Lake, The Sleeping Beauty, and The Nutcracker, revolutionized the genre and remain central to the ballet repertoire worldwide.
• Global Popularity: His music's emotional accessibility and melodic appeal have made Tchaikovsky one of the most popular classical composers globally.
• Influence on Russian Music: Tchaikovsky played a crucial role in establishing Russian classical music on the world stage, influencing subsequent generations of Russian composers.

Notable Works

1. Symphony No. 6 "Pathétique" (1893): His final symphony, noted for its profound emotional depth and innovative structure.
2. Piano Concerto No. 1 (1875): One of the most famous and frequently performed piano concertos, known for its powerful opening and lyrical second movement.
3. Swan Lake (1876): A ballet score that has become a cornerstone of the ballet repertoire, renowned for its beautiful melodies and dramatic music.
4. The Nutcracker (1892): Another iconic ballet, especially famous for its suite, which includes the "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy" and the "Waltz of the Flowers."
5. Violin Concerto (1878): A virtuosic and expressive concerto that is a favorite among violinists and audiences alike.
6. Symphony No. 4 (1877): Known for its dramatic intensity and use of the "Fate" motif, reflecting Tchaikovsky’s personal struggles.
7. The Sleeping Beauty (1889): A lavish ballet score that showcases Tchaikovsky's gift for melody and orchestration.
8. 1812 Overture (1880): A concert overture written to commemorate Russia's defense against Napoleon, famous for its use of cannon fire and Russian folk themes.
9. Romeo and Juliet Fantasy Overture (1880): A symphonic poem based on Shakespeare’s play, noted for its beautiful love theme and dramatic structure.
10. Serenade for Strings (1880): A graceful and lyrical work for string orchestra, beloved for its elegance and charm.

Doctoral Theory Analysis

Introduction Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky’s music embodies a blend of Western classical traditions and Russian folk elements, characterized by its emotional expressiveness, structural clarity, and masterful orchestration. This analysis explores the theoretical aspects of his compositions and their broader implications.
Harmonic Language - Chromaticism and Modulation: Tchaikovsky's harmonic language often features rich chromaticism and bold modulations, contributing to the dramatic tension in his music. - Dissonance and Resolution: He skillfully uses dissonance to heighten emotional impact, resolving it in ways that amplify the music’s expressive power.
Melodic Structure - Lyrical Melodies: His melodies are long, flowing, and highly expressive, often built on simple, folk-like motifs that are developed in sophisticated ways. - Thematic Transformation: Tchaikovsky employs thematic transformation, where themes are altered in rhythm, harmony, and orchestration to reflect different emotional states.
Rhythmic Techniques - Syncopation and Cross-Rhythms: His use of syncopation and cross-rhythms adds complexity and drive to his music, creating rhythmic vitality. - Dance Forms: Tchaikovsky frequently incorporates dance forms such as the waltz, mazurka, and polonaise, infusing his music with rhythmic variety and national character.
Textural Elements - Orchestral Color: Tchaikovsky’s orchestration is renowned for its rich colors and textures, achieved through inventive use of the orchestra’s sections. - Layered Textures: He often uses layered textures to build intensity, with different instrumental groups playing complementary lines that enhance the overall sound.
Conceptual Innovations - Programmatic Elements: Many of Tchaikovsky’s works are programmatic, telling a story or depicting a scene, as seen in his ballets and symphonic poems. - Emotional Narrative: His music often follows an emotional narrative, taking listeners on a journey through contrasting moods and themes.
Conclusion Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky’s contributions to classical music are monumental, blending deep emotional expression with technical mastery. His innovative use of harmony, melody, rhythm, and orchestration set new standards for composition and influenced countless musicians. Tchaikovsky’s ability to merge Russian folk elements with Western classical traditions helped shape a distinct Russian musical identity. His enduring popularity and the continued performance of his works attest to his lasting impact on the world of music. By examining the theoretical foundations and practical applications of Tchaikovsky’s work, we gain a deeper appreciation of his genius and his pivotal role in the evolution of classical music.

With it's recent return to streaming, I wanted to do a little write up in honor of the show. For those who haven't seen the series: Battlestar Galactica (BSG) was a 4 part Syfy (Sci Fi at the time) miniseries based on the 1978 Glen A. Larson series with the same title. The miniseries was quickly picked up as a full series that ran for four seasons in 2004-2009. The Emmy, Hugo and Peabody award winning remake starred Edward James Olmos, Mary McDonnell, Katee Sackhoff, Tricia Helfer, Jamie Bamber, James Callis, Grace Park and Michael Hogan with Ronald D. Moore (For All Mankind, Star Trek: TNG/DS9, Outlander) as showrunner. The series tells the story of artificial intelligence (named Cylons) turning against their creators resulting in a nuclear holocaust. With Cylons hot on their tails, the last remnants of humanity escape in a battleship capable of interstellar travel. Their purpose: finding the "home of the lost 13th tribe", Earth.
I'm not going to specifically discuss plot points, but there's gonna be spoilers by implication, so close this thread right now and go watch the show, starting from the miniseries.
So, 20 years later it's a good time to ask, does Battlestar Galactica hold up? Given the massive rise in TV-series budgets in recent 20 years, it shouldn't come as a surprise that in terms of visuals, BSG shows its age. Still, CGI was very good for its time (two Emmy awards for VFX to show for it) and it doesn't become a distraction unless you're looking for Avatar level VFX. In the last season, I would go as far as consider some CG shots quite good looking (battle of Ionian Nebula comes to mind). The show tries to hide the low budget with reusing CG shots and frantic camera movements, which some might find grating, but the latter also gives the show a very distinct look. The choice of shooting "documentary style" might suffer from Seinfeld effect, but at the time quick zooms/shaky cam/out of focus shots were a bold choice in a genre known for static shots and little camera movement.
In very early 00's fashion there are times when the show tries to stick to episodic nature. Streaming has pretty much killed procedural television, so for people used to consuming modern series, this will come off very jarring. Occasionally there are a few hammy acting choices and scenes of clunky exposition that you rarely see in modern prestige dramas, but in terms of political themes it's almost depressing how some of the issues seem even more relevant now (e.g. class society, abortion, freedom vs. security, AI/consciousness, religion). BSG is very obviously a child of Bush administration politics and occasionally lacks subtlety, but the political issues are handled with just enough care to feel universal and timeless.
The cast of characters is deep and rich, and could easily go toe to toe with most series you see today. Not to even mention the soundtrack by Bear McCreary, which without hyperbole, remains as one of the best of all time (I could write a whole another post this size about the soundtrack alone, so I'm just going to leave it there). Yes BSG shows its age at times, and there are many ways in which it cannot compare to modern television series, so for the most casual viewers it might be too much of a deep cut. Still, it was also very influential piece of scifi television and especially genre enthusiasts and newer viewers with interest in the era when television series turned from background noise to respected entertainment, should absolutely give it a watch.
So what is Battlestar Galacticas legacy and sphere of influence? In the early 00's, television sci-fi was still defined by a certain aura of campiness despite tackling complex and serious themes from the get go with titles like Star Trek or The Prisoner. Scifi was still very much kept in its own box in the early 2000's, often (very unfairly) associated with cheap sets and aliens in rubber masks. While there were scifi series that enjoyed mainstream success far before BSG, a gross oversimplification of 2000's scifi television landscape might go something like "BSG walked so Expanse could run". BSG probably wasn't the first scifi series to show people having sex, doing drugs, committing suicide, battling alcoholism/PTSD/depression on spaceships, but doing it with seriousness and conviction, brought a new level of grit to the genre that helped later shows break out of the old mold. The series is very good at muddling morality and pitting two characters you love with understandable motives on opposite sides of an issue, which I feel like is still quite rare to see done convincingly.
Saying BSG revolutionized scifi would be a bit too generous of course. While one of the pioneers of the genre, it owes a lot to its predecessors too. Babylon 5 and Star Trek: TNG/DS9 are the obvious names to drop, but perhaps even more relevant was a criminally overlooked and short lived Fox series Space: Above and Beyond (which hit most of the same themes as BSG with similar sense of seriousness almost 10 years prior).
One of the big BSG headlines during its run, was gender swapping the character of Starbuck. In 2024 of course this seems like an absurd controversy, but at the time it was a serious issue. Original Starbuck (played by Dirk Benedict, who vehemently opposed and trashed the decision to make Starbuck a woman) was a mix of roguish womanizing attitude and toxic masculinity typical for 70's media. Making the cigar smoking hotshot a woman (and adding a frak of a lot of layers to her) was of course the right call and Katee Sackhoffs Starbuck ended up being perhaps more iconic than the show itself. It should be ridiculous to laud a television show for doing what should be the expectation: writing a complex female character, but quite frankly in the early 2000's sci-fi landscape (or just TV in general) there just hadn't been a character like Starbuck before. She's sex positive and tomboyish, but not defined by either one of these traits. She's really good at what she does, but makes mistakes and is constantly battling her demons, so all her successes feel very earned. Objectively she's an asshole, but seeing her story from her point of view makes you sympathize with her. While there are moments where BSG doesn't handle female characters with quite such finesse, Starbuck definitely left a lasting mark.
This being Reddit, I couldn't help but discuss the inevitable talking point that always comes up, did Battlestar Galactica really get that bad in the latter half? Well, the short answer is no. Objectively speaking, the last season of the show still holds a respectable 92% Rotten Tomatoes score, from both critics and audience. In fact the final episodes remain some of the highest rated in almost any review site. Perhaps it's also been helped in retrospect by shows like Lost, Dexter, Game of Thrones etc. upstaging it in the "bad endings department". Saying it "wasn't that bad" is not a glowing endorsement however. There are some valid reasons to why the show lost viewers along the way and why the ending sparked such controversy.
Let's start with the very end of the show. It's very clear rewatching the show that a lot of the time Ron Moore had no idea where it would all end up. Some aspects of the ending were planned, (in fact on this rewatch, I was surprised how early some things are foreshadowed and established) but some arcs were thrown out and forgotten and some just improvised on the go and tied together very hastily. The show will spend a couple of seasons foreshadowing something, only for it to be abandoned for something completely different (very noticeable, especially if you're aware of some of the changes made during production and the writers strike). Ron Moores character work remains fantastic throughout the show, but he seems to be one of those writers who needs to be occasionally reined in to keep the story cohesive. While saying the ending was just "God did it", is an oversimplification, the fatalistic implications of the cyclical nature of the story is understandably frustrating and retroactively devalues the stakes felt in the earlier seasons. Too many things are left for chance or fate and as a result, the ending feels kind of unearned. And while most individual character arcs come to a beautiful conclusion, fumbling Karas ending is probably the biggest sin of the three part finale. /somewhat ironic sidenote, this is what GRRM had to say about the shows ending "Sometimes the journey is its own reward and I certainly enjoyed a lot of the journey with BSG. But damn it, doesn't anyone know how to write endings anymore?"
Now, a lot of viewers abandoned the show after two seasons and it's understandable. There's a massive tonal shift in the series after the New Caprica arc. The show got intensely dark and brooding in the last two seasons. I always thought of BSG as a serious show, but I had forgotten how there's a lot of comedic moments, even physical comedy in the first couple of seasons. There was also that wholesome sense of optimism typical for scifi of late 90's and early 00's. Even when things got dark, usually by the end of the episode the gang was together, toasting another day of living. Come season 3 that's all gone. Even Galactica looks different, as if the fleet lost half the light bulbs during the occupation. Every character is suffering from depression, PTSD and exhaustion and the show feels like it too. You no longer get "Action stations, action stations! Set condition 1 throughout the ship!". instead you have Colonel Tigh saying "Which side are we on? We're on the side of the demons, Chief. We're evil men in the gardens of paradise, sent by the forces of death to spread devastation and destruction wherever we go. I'm surprised you didn't know that" while planning a suicide bombing. I personally thought the shift was narratively justified. If anything I found it refreshing how seriously BSG takes itself, when these days a lot of sci-fi seems to have a need for comic relief and a self aware tone. But I can't blame people from abandoning the show either. The last two seasons are a different show.
Well this turned out to be ten times longer than it was supposed to. I doubt many if any made it this far, so I'll reward you with a BSG-story I personally find hilarious for some reason, but never get a chance to tell: When filming the movie "The Plan" that shows the events from Cylons perspective, director Edward James Olson was elated to find out they weren't under the usual censorship rules. One time while shooting a scene in the pilots washroom Katee Sackhoff heard Olmos yell from the directors chair "Zoom in on the cock! Zoom in on the cock!". It's been a while since I've The Plan, but I believe it made it into the final cut.
TL;DR: BSG is brilliant at its best, but deeply flawed at its worst. Either way, it remains relevant, deserves its place in TV Hall of Fame and especially if you're into scifi, you should watch it.

People wonder how poets are born,
to form a sweet prophet in a womb,
would likely bring nothing but gloom.
Rather, I believe we are molded in a time of great mourning
In a black and white dress, surrounded by death.
My first funeral at age five, was my great-grandmother whom I loved for as long as I was alive.
I asked my aunt “Why would God take someone we love?”
With the ocean in her eyes, She says “It's his plan from up above.”
I weep as I look down upon her cold face feigning sleep,
wishing once more for GG’s warm embrace.
She whispered great pearls of wisdom in my ears, for no one else but me to hear.
Though all of that knowledge has washed away now,
I’d beg her to repeat them but that is not something death allows.
My cousin calls me Rain as we listen to the pastor and his proses,
We sulk in sunny summer cemeteries surrounded by Ruth’s July roses.
Reminiscent of her crimson rubies, I remember she said I would bloom into a great beauty.
Salt slicks my lily face as she’s lowered into her final resting place.
my friends state how I am lucky to miss a day of school
I say they are lucky to still be fools,
To not know the fright of a call in the dead of night,
Or the sight of your father tearfully being ushered
to carry yet another closed casket along with five brothers.
By age eleven I no longer believed in God’s great heaven, for I have suffered
Seven Tragic Family Messes,
Seven little black and white dresses,
Seven wakes I wanted to sleep through,
My Family being “taken by God” isn't brand new.
So some think that poets are born,
But my first poem was a eulogy,
I spoke it wearing GG’s rose rubies.