Funny things to tell your boyfriend

Tell me you know nothing about IVF without telling me you know nothing about IVF. Stealing Emily’s eggs are one thing (and treating her like it’s some shady back room deal that’s shameful for donating her eggs 🙄), but “putting one” into Alison while she was in Welby is another.
Where are all the drugs they pump into you to prepare your body? The shots, the pills… Your lining check to make sure you’re good for implantation? The bloodwork? The unending ultrasounds?
Listen, I know it’s a show and one of the most unbelievable shows at that. I’m watching s7 for the first time (I fell off when it originally aired), and out of all the outrageous storylines this one hit home the hardest, 100% because I am going through the very unfortunate process of IVF. They could have done a liiiiiiiiiittle googling.
That’s all. Now I’m off to finish the show and figure out what the hell is happening.

Hello. I’m known to drag Reddit posts on far too long. If the size of this post is off putting to you I understand if you skip this one. Basically I’m just asking for walking tips, and looking for confidence/motivation to reach my goal of walking every day.
General Info - Male, 29y.o. 5’10” 230 lbs. 0 previous exercise/activity interests. Lately dealing with anxiety due to stomach issues. Or perhaps vice-versa my Dr and I are still figuring it out. High blood pressure for the last 9 years (on medication which helps a lot) and high cholesterol for the last 6 months. really want to avoid going on meds for that too so I’ve been trying to change my diet and activity levels. I eat 2 meals a day with some snacking in between. Rarely avoid unhealthy food unfortunately but I’ve been working lately on adding things like veggies/fruit and nuts instead of highly processed meats/sweets. I’ve cut back on soda and am now mostly drinking water although I want to be totally away from sugary drinks as I used to be and felt significantly better mentally when I was.
Background - I’ve lived a mostly sedentary lifestyle for the last 15 years of my life, since about the end of middle school. I’m a mailman and while not 100% sedentary, the majority of the job is several hours per day driving around or standing in an office sorting mail. There is a burst of activity in the early morning (15 minutes) sorting/moving mail/lifting heavy objects but beyond that I have gotten 0 exercise basically over the last 12 years. I play a lot of video games and am on my phone far too much. It didn’t affect my mental health until recently when it’s been affecting my physical more noticeably. I’ll spare the details but I’ve been having some stomach issues which resulted in a loss of appetite and me losing about 20lbs - I weighed 250lbs 6 months ago. Along with this is random heart flutters/sudden awareness of my heartbeat. There isn’t any pain, no shortness of breath. I’ve had my dr do blood work and ECG and everything looked totally normal. I have a suspicion this is all tied to me being stressed about being unhealthy in general and I want to change that. My brother has been playing Pokemon GO and recommended it to me. There is a mechanic in game where you have to hatch eggs by walking around and today I thought what better way to game and combat my unhealthy lifestyle of setting/laying around all day than a little egg hatching. Herein lies my observation/question:
I got on my treadmill and walked, to test and see if the game would keep track of eggs via my Apple Watch. It did. The app uses kilometers to track egg progress, so I walked .62 miles and checked and sure enough the egg had progressed 1km towards the 5km goal. Awesome. I figured I would go ahead and finish the mile, and I did. At a speed of 2mph it obviously took me 30 minutes to finish. I thought that would be a good pace, but upon checking my watch my heart rate had barely cracked 115 BPM. After some sleuthing I found the average walking pace is around 3mph, or 20 minutes to complete 1 mile. As I still had eggs to hatch I decided to ditch the treadmill and go for an outdoor walk as the weather today was a stellar 74 degrees. This time I wanted to challenge myself to walk a mile in 20 minutes. 3mph pace, the average for most healthy adults. When I tell you that it was an absolute struggle to get that speed I am not exaggerating one tiny bit. Heart rate was 140, I was sweating, not out of breath but for sure breathing hard. All that for a 20m30s mile. NOT EVEN my 20 minute goal.
I suppose my question is - is it normal to struggle that much to simply walk? Or to walk that slowly? I’ve always known I was a tad slow at walking, an very obviously based on my unhealthy lifestyle I’m not expecting to go out and start running marathons tomorrow or anything - it just shocked me that I found it that hard to reach such a simple goal. My Apple Watch has a section under Mobility called Six-Minute walk. About how far you can walk in 6 minutes. Apparently the standard for a healthy person is 500m? Looking on Reddit every other persons watch is always stuck at the maximum of 500m. Mine was at 450, but over the last couple months has plummeted to 300m. I’m not sure how accurate that is, or if it’s just calculating your average speed/activity level but it was shocking to see mine be so low. I had never felt THAT slow.
Do you have any tips for walking for a complete beginner? Shoes? Goals? I’m going to walk 1 mile per day for the remainder of June then after that reassess and increase if possible/needed. Also the humor of the question isn’t lost on me - walking goals for a beginner LOL. As if I’m a baby again but that’s honestly how it feels being so bad at it - and I do understand there is more to it than just moving your legs. Is there any tips on how to increase my pace? Longer strides? Or quicker shorter ones. After my embarrassing struggle to reach a 3mph pace my calves were burning and I was sweating.

Hello there! Can I interest you in an emotionally available human being? Do you like your boundaries respected, enjoy long conversations, and nontoxic positivity? I provide all those things free of charge.
As far as hobbies and interests go, I am a huge nerd, D&D, manga/anime, Magic the Gathering, gardening, and retro vidya games are my jam. I'm leftist, child free, and atheist so use that info how you see fit. Not picky on my pronouns but he/him or they/them fit pretty well.
As far as looks goes, pictures can be provided upon request. I'm 6'2, thin, fluffy brown hair, brown eyes, and wear glasses. I'm fairly attractive, and get hit on by all genders.
Marked NSFW but I can guarantee that you will never get unsolicited sexual messages from me. I may be open to that kind of talk but will need to get to know you first.
If you're local we can probably meet, long distance will have to remain pen pals for a bit. Discord handle can be provided but I will want to chat for at least a day.
Tell me a little about yourself in your opener, you can also tell me to read something in your profile if you'd prefer. Let me know what your fav pajamas are in your first message so I know you at least skimmed. I prefer chat to direct messages but will respond to either if you follow instructions. I don't respond to empty profiles and low effort openers.

I was recently hired as a man’s assistant in a bank, and there are only 3 people that work at my bank (very small town). Myself the loan assistant, my coworker the Head Teller, and our boss the Loan Officer. The Head Teller is leaving to go on a trip next week and it’ll be leaving me here alone with him at the bank. As I said before this a small town so we get very few customers..
Now for the questions
I think my boss has been flirting with me. I have a boyfriend and he has a wife.. Boss is in his 30’s and has a wife. But he’s asked me “What would you do if your bf asked you for an open relationship?” And when I said he wouldn’t he responded with “It’s only human nature to be attracted to the opposite sex etc etc” and we both read, he just got me into a book series and I’m on book 3 but he’s also recommended other books and emphasized some of their sex scenes, I catch him looking at me often and we exchange glances. At one point when I was reading the last book of a series with some amazing sex scenes, he would catch me looking at him and tell me I better not be listening to something naughty and watching him. I just laughed awkwardly and was like I won’t do that! And sometimes when we’re talking he will lean in and I will start stammering over my words and he just waits patiently not breaking eye contact grinning down at me. He’s also made comments like “Here let me scoot back so you aren’t looking at my crotch” and I’ll say oh you’re fine
So basically I think he’s interested in me, we will have a lot of alone time next week and I WANT TO MAKE A MOVE. I can’t stop thinking about him and how I want his hands on me and his cock in my mouth and in me… I don’t know if it’s playful or if he really wants me too.. What do you guys think? Any ideas how I can initiate?

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for over half a year now. Hes always struggled with achohol and it always came in waves, with him getting better and promising me he wont drink, to him throwing up on the floor completely drunk. I communicated to him over and over again why its harmful to him, why he should stop, and i even suggested methods to help control his intake. It always hurts me because he keeps promising me he'll try and put in effort, but it ends up in the same exact result. Im emotionally getting drained and i cant even properly talk to him most of the time because he just tells me he knows its bad for him but it makes him feel like a better person. He said i didnt know what its like to struggle with addiction, despite knowing i had some things in the past that i struggled with for a very long time (SH being one of them). I get it, its hard, and i told him i wanted to understand him better so i can help, but it seems like he doesnt even want my help. Im heartbroken and slowly loosing hope for the relationship. What do i tell him after listening to all his empty promises. Ive been debating weither i should bring up therapy/rehab and the option that if he wont change, ill leave him, but i also feel too cruel saying that. I love him and i want him to get better...

Hi there! I just wanted to post here to tell everyone about what I’ve experienced with Young Drivers recently, especially since I’ve been seeing multiple folks suggesting their program based on outdated rhetoric. While I agree it’s a highly accredited program with a long history of success, using skills that can be useful for years to come, there has been some drastic change with the movement to a fully online course. The change to be completely online has made the course which originally used to have important information; useless, long, and extremely frustrating.
For the record; this is coming from the perspective of a university student. I started the online course in February and while I didn’t do it more than once a week before late April, I’ve been doing it regularly since I got out of my exam period. I have easily surpassed the 30 Hours they claim but I am still not done the online portion of the course. I can imagine the frustration a teenager might have with the program, as completing homework, going to school, doing extracurriculars, and working part time jobs would leave little to no time to complete this rumoured “30 hour” course. Any parent that struggled with online schooling during the pandemic should know that the YD course is worse than online schooling.
I am a person with a lot of integrity, and someone who went into the course expecting important information that may be delivered at a lower reading level than I would be comfortable with. I know this course is made with teenagers in mind, and having been a dumb teenager I expected the lessons to be fairly easy/a breeze to do. I was wrong with my expectations.
With the program-imposed timers that don't allow you to skip to the next page until YD determines you are done with the lesson, it was the first thing to make me frustrated. I understand these timers are making the online course into more of a "in-school setting", But I would argue that students who need 5 minutes to read one single paragraph will take those 5 minutes on their own time (hence the "self-paced" course they advertise) The unfortunate part of these imposed timers, is there will be faster readers who instantly clock out of the program, missing the useful information.
As much as you might say, "all information in the program is useful information" this is widely incorrect. You cannot start the online course until after you have acquired your g1, so why does the course have a section about getting your G1 when you are already through 90% of the course? By the time you get to 30%, you are shocked at how much useless information you learned and how long it took you to learn it. Makes it all more surprising when you are tested on roadsigns in the later portion of the course (something students would've needed to study for their G1) I can promise you that even the most honest/loyal student, they will stop paying attention to the course early on and play a guessing game with the quizes (that often do not make any sense)
The habits are great until they start testing you, and all of a sudden the answers are arbitrary for what they believe is the "best fit" answer, despite most of the habits can apply to the scenario. How are you supposed to know that the habit they wanted was "move your eyes" versus "Using mirrors" versus "scanning the surroundings" versus "spotting problems early"? Following the tests you get to listen to podcasts in which they "explain" the answers, which is often apart of an individuals reasoning rather than an objectively correct answer.
Furthermore, the system grades in a way that will be frustrating to many. Rather than an incorrect answer being considered +0 to the overal grade, YD makes it so that it is -1. Meaning, if you get a grade of 0/10 correct, you could've gotten up to 5 answers correct. But since you lose points for every answer wrong, it makes it appear as if you got nothing right. This is confusing and frustrating to go through, and I could not imagine being a teenager having to go through that methodology. It is extremely discouraging, even for someone who has gotten a bachelors or has been driving for over 30 years (I had my parents try to answer some questions with no success). I learned fairly quick that the only way to get through the Habit-based quizzes is to skip to the end, collect the correct answers, and redo the test. I do not agree this is a productive way of learning, and seems to do nothing for the credibility of the course.
I have so many more problems with YD but I will keep this "short" by saying if you are looking for a drivers school in ontario for your teenager, and you did YD "back in the day" consider another acredited school. It is not worth the price increase to go through the frustration of the online course, and there are genuinely bettemore efficiant options out there that are still acredited.

Basically there was game I played on my iPhone that I rather liked but I had eventually totally forgot about. They only released the first chapter at that time. When I remembered it, I forgot the name and couldn’t ever find it on my phone. Googling it didn’t help. So I’m hoping someone remembers the name of it. So I’ll just list out main points of the game from what I can remember.

1. I think the game was more of an app game but I don’t exactly remember.
   
2. The main premise had your sibling getting themselves trapped in a phone at the start of the game and figuring out how to help them get out of it for the rest of it.
   
3. One of the main lore points were islands mysteriously rising into the sky.
   
4. I think it was like a lil rpg where you look around the island to find your friends, funny and heartfelt interactions, and turn based combat against monsters.
   
5. After getting some key thing or doing something important in a temple, I think the chapter was over. Sibling still trapped in phone. Islands rising and crap still out there. Maybe more key items to find. A good old to be continued.
   

I’m trying to beat the exercise = migraine problem using every tool I can, and thought I might share my strategy in case it helps anyone else.
Like many people, I get migraines from neck and shoulder pain. Therefore if I’m out of shape and haven’t been regularly exercising (I.e. this area of my body isn’t strong enough) I get more migraines. But if I try to get back in shape, any exertion causes instant pounding migraines.
I end up trapped in a vicious circle where exercise causes migraines short-term, but long-term prevents them.
I recently decided to do something about this, because a change in my work-life balance means I’ve become too sedentary and have very little time for my previous main form of exercise, long daily walks.
Background:

• I’m in the US.
• I luckily have a good relationship with my primary care doctor.
• I had breast reduction surgery last year, covered by my insurance, which cut the number of migraines I get in half.
• I work at my job 6 days a week till early evening, so need a solution that is efficient and not time consuming. And I can’t keep missing days of work from migraines.
• I currently take a preventative med and an abortive (rizatriptan) as needed. The abortive is very effective for me, but I only get 9 a month and have to ration them. I’ve never had rebound issues.
• I previously took propranolol daily but stopped because it caused rapid weight gain.

Choice of exercise:

• Strength and flexibility is more important than losing weight to me, so I can work on building up the trapezius muscles for migraine prevention.
• I have no idea how to lift weights to need a teacher.
• The only way I was going to commit to using my preciously free time was if I basically joined a cult.
• CrossFit is the obvious choice.*

Migraine hacking:

1. Told my doctor the plan: that I anticipate a period during which I’m going to get a lot of exercise execration headaches until I can build up tolerance. She agreed to give me a prescription of 30 rizatriptan which I paid for using GoodRx (cost approx $20).
2. I take a beta-blocker (propranolol) before I go to my class. This stops my heart rate going too high.
3. Drink lots of water, duh.
4. Told all the instructors about my migraine issues and they watch my technique carefully to make sure I’m doing the weight lifting and other exercises properly, so that there isn’t undue stress on my back, shoulders, and neck. I am also building up weights veeeery slowly. Turns out CrossFit is good for working on your technique without pressure to overexert yourself.
5. After the class I stretch & use rollers A LOT, concentrating on my neck, shoulders, and back. I do a specific stretch I discovered on this reddit but now can’t find to link to. It involves holding a rolled up towel around the back of your neck and bending your neck backwards?
6. Here’s the weirdo thing: As soon as I finish class, I put an ice-head-wrap thing on my head. Obviously not pulling it down over my eyes… but covering as much of my head as I can. I drive home looking like a total idiot, but it immediately cools my head down. This seems to be the most important thing stopping me getting the blood-rushing-to-the-head headache right afterwards. Sometimes an icepack against my back too as I'm driving homw.

How it’s going:

• The first month I started CrossFit I wasn’t doing any of the above. I got absolutely evil migraines each time. I got through my 9-pill abortive supply immediately and had to take days off work because I was feeling so sick.
• I devised the above plan and have so far stuck to it for 4 weeks. And no post-exercise migraines! Sore muscles, yes. But no post-exercise headaches to speak of.
• I can’t tell yet if I’m getting any stronger or if the preventative factor is creeping in. I think because my schedule only allows twice a week and I am building up very slowly. But just being able to do any exercise without three days of punishment afterwards is something.
• In the next month or so I’ll experiment with removing one thing or the other, and see which is most effective. For instance, I’d like to not take the beta-blocker so I can get my heart rate up in classes. If it’s the ice-packs that are making most of the difference, that would be easier.

I will update in a couple of months or if there are any significant changes! Interested to hear if anyone else has similar stories of beating the exercise vicious circle.
*The first rule of CrossFit is always talk about CrossFit. Here I am making a post about it. Have you heard about CrossFit? CrossFit.

Hello!
For starters, my roommate (26F) and I (26F) have been best friends for the last five years. She’s always been chill, kind, and down to earth until last fall. We moved into a house last summer together. Things went well at first but her alcoholism ramped up to the point that things started going wrong, which will become relevant to my title question.
She started drinking literally 6/7 days a week last summer. She didn’t have a job so she would drink all day. I watched as my best friend slowly became almost unrecognizable in the way she treated me. Thing were rough but then they got BAD.
In the last few months she’s gotten into medical school, meaning she has less time and money for drinking. It’s been a noticeable difference because when she can’t drink she gets incredibly defensive, passive aggressive, and generally doesn’t give a shit about much other than herself and her dogs. I’ve been her personal cheerleader for YEARS about getting in (again, relevant soon.) We celebrated when she passed the MCAT, when she got in, etc.
Recently she’s been strapped for cash and has even considered leaving her fiancé who she’s been with for about 5 years in part because he cannot or will not pay her utility bills and sugaring would be easier and more convenient and would pay better. She’s had some issues with him but they’ve never been a reason for her to consider leaving until now. (BY THE WAY, absolutely not shitting on sex work, it is valid and should be regulated and sex workers respected as human beings. I’m more just shocked at her behavior.)
A few weeks ago, about two months after agreeing to sign a two year lease with her (after VERY cautious deliberation on my end) she called me stating that she wants me to pay more rent because my room is bigger.
I’ve never heard of charging per square foot before. For context she BEGGED for that room she has, as it has tons of windows and is upstairs. She wouldn’t have it any other way when we moved in (and I didn’t care because I was just happy to have somewhere to live.) I reminded her of this, that we had long signed the lease and I wasn’t going to pay more than I signed for or pay to renegotiate the lease. I admittedly flipped out on her because she knows how broke I am as well. She accused me of being unreasonable and said that not doing this was me not supporting her in medical school. I also pointed out the fact that she uses the kitchen and living room way more than me, leaves the two dogs she has out at all times, because her room is too hot and “that’s no life for a dog”.
Her dogs are both aggressive (although one is way way more than the other) and have attacked me and my partners and are hellbent on camping outside my bedroom door for a chance to burst in and eat my cats. They are also aggressive breeds in the landlord’s eyes and because of this she had to pay an extra $100 on top of the $25 increase to our rent due to the fact that the property management had a hard time finding anyone to insure their breeds. I had offered to pay her $25 increase as well as mine because I wanted to relieve her of stress as a way of trying to support a friend in medical school a couple weeks before this happened. Either way, me and my company stick to my room because we rarely can enjoy the living room without the dogs being problematic.
She still hasn’t apologized for the way she came at me (accusing me of not supporting her being in medical school) and has increasingly become anal about house chores even though I’ve done all of them for the last three weeks as a way of trying to ease the tension and keep her off my ass. Her boyfriend even told her that it was unfair to change the terms of rent on me like that and all she had to say about it was “well I guess he’s older so I should assume he’s more seasoned in this and I’ll go with it for now” in a passive aggressive way. I even apologized for going nuclear on her ass during the fight profusely because I hate ever exploding like that on someone.
AITA for not paying more rent? I cannot tell if I’m being ignorant about this square foot policy or not. I’m not trying to be a jerk but this struck me as a way to get cheaper rent in my eyes.

After half a year of planning and excitement, my wife and I boarded the Norwegian Sun for the May 29 to June 7 Alaskan cruise. We had paid the extra fee to choose our cabin to make sure we would be close to the things we wanted to do and far away from noisy venues and heavy traffic. After boarding we waited by the door to the staterooms and were literally the first two people down the hallway when the stewards let us in. We were excited to check in to our cabin, so imagine our surprise when we unlocked the door and found someone else's luggage already strewn about the cabin, with no sign of whomever the luggage belonged to.
We alerted the stewards, who found a supervisor with a radio to call Guest Services. He said he was checking on it, but from that point forward, none of the stewards would talk to us, including the guy on the radio. No one on the floor did or said anything to help us. So we went to Guest Services ourselves, where I told them what was going on: I unlocked my stateroom and found that someone else had already checked in, before guests were even supposed to have access to staterooms. The woman at Guest Services took on a very condescending attitude, like I was somehow attempting to scam the cruise line. Without providing any options, she told me that we were reassigned to another stateroom "of the same level." So basically, I paid to choose my stateroom, but because of some insane screw up on NCL's part, I was instead assigned whatever they had leftover, which was very near a loud stage show, and literally the entire ship's length away from the places I had paid extra to be near.
Since there were no other choices, we checked into the new cabin assignment. Somehow, by the time we could walk to that cabin, our shore excursion tickets were already waiting for us on the bed (so was this reassignment actually a mistake at all?) The next morning I checked the NCL app and saw that our dinner reservations were no longer showing up. So I went back to Guest Services and described that my dinner reservations were missing, and I had paid extra to choose my cabin that involved much more walking than my wife or I wanted to do, but instead got an assigned cabin, so therefore I would like to be reimbursed for the extra cost of selecting my cabin, and I wanted my original dinner reservations reinstated.
By chance I got the same smarmy Guest Services agent as the day before, and she immediately set about pretending to help by offering unpleasant alternatives. At no point would she address, in any way, that I had asked for compensation for the extra money I paid to choose my cabin. I mentioned that I chose the original cabin because it would mean less walking to the activities my wife and I wanted to do, and the agent condescendingly asked if my wife needed a wheelchair. When I said no, she immediately started typing on her terminal, telling me that she was just going to assign us back to the original cabin (you know, the one someone else apparently still had access to at any time). I pointed out that the inconvenience of having to repack everything and move it literally all the way across the ship was more hassle than the solution she was offering, and that I was just asking for my reservations to be reinstated and for a refund of the fee I'd paid to NOT get assigned a cabin by NCL.
Again, she totally ignored the "refund" part and, without so much as looking at her terminal, said, "Your reservations are still there; they're just not showing up on your app." I said, "But I can't see or confirm that, so I'm sure you can imagine why I'm concerned." She nodded and stared at me. So I asked, "Do you have any way of checking, here, to confirm that I still have reservations?" She typed in her terminal, and instead of confirming anything, she asked me when my reservation was for. I told her, and THEN she responded, "Yes, it's still there. When do you want to move them to?" I insisted that I still wanted my original reservation.
When the night for that reservation arrived, we went to Cagney's, and were told that our reservation was actually for the NEXT night. They served us anyway, but clearly, either the Guest Services agent was incompetent, or purposefully screwed up our reservation. My wife also had a spa reservation that suspiciously was ALSO bumped forward a full day from the paper receipt she had when she made the reservation.
Overall, the crew and staff of the NCL Sun were wonderful. They were extremely polite and helpful, and we tipped extra to show our appreciation. The ship was well maintained and the food was above that of any of the other budget cruise lines. But my experience with NCL Guest Services is literally the worst customer service I've ever gotten from a cruise line. So I ask you: Since I paid to choose my stateroom but instead was assigned one by NCL, was I out of line to politely ask to have that fee refunded? (It's actually a line item on the receipt, in fact.)
TL;DR: Due to an NCL screw up, I was assigned a stateroom instead of getting the one I paid extra to choose, but NCL refused to refund the fee I paid to pick my stateroom.

I'm a 26F and have been with my partner for over a year. I'm at the point where I need to walk away, but it's getting hard, so I'd like to detail our timeline.
When I started being with him, he was on probation. He was a pretty bad alcoholic at the time. I was there for him through his lowest point. At this point, I was a year into my BPD diagnosis. I was doing really well. So I had enough support and love to give. I've known him since I was 14, at that point I was 24. He also has two daughters with two other women. So he had a lot of different emotions between June 2022 - October 2022. He would come and go a lot. He would only visit me at night because he took care of his kids and worked during the day. However, he would come over a lot drunk. He hardly acted like he was interested in me, so I cut him off and didn't talk to him for the whole month of November 2022. He reaches out because he misses me so we start talking again. He was still on probation, still going through a lot. He still had a hard time showing me affection at this point. Mind you, he never asked me to be his girlfriend. He just started telling everyone at work I was his girlfriend, which was fine with me because I really wanted to be exclusive with him.
It's not until Jan 2023, he tells me he loves me and starts showing me affection. He finally starts sleeping over at my apartment. He invited me to Coachella, so that's when we kind of hard launched because that's when I met his brother and cousins. So things were kind of good. When we get back from Coachella, he's probably sleeping over 3x a week. Still on probation. Still drinking all the time. He would blackout so often that he would wet our bed. So I had to wake him up and clean up after him almost once a week. I didn't judge him. I don't want to get into his personal life, but he was going through a rough time. I understand that because I'm not perfect either. Because he's sleeping at my house so often and wakes up severely hungover, I would offer to take him to work, which eventually turns into me taking him to work every day. For his birthday, I wanted to do something special for him. I got him a few really good gifts, made him a seafood boil, and decorated my apartment for him. He loved it so much and told me no one had ever done anything so thoughtful for him. He deserved it considering his birthday last year. I mention this because this becomes important later.
Minus the drinking all the time part, we spent a lot of quality time together in my apartment. Rent goes up and when my lease ended, I decided to move back in with my parents. It was my last semester of college so I didn't want to think about anything else but graduating. Before I moved back in, I lived literally 5 minutes away from him. Now I live about 20 minutes away. And to him, that's far. He always complains about how far it is. This is where things really start to change in our relationship. And I know, the "honeymoon" phase always goes away. I'm aware of that, but he starts being unnecessarily mean. He starts telling me, "I never told you to move this far," "It's your fault that you live this far,"etc, etc. Mind you he never helped me pay for my rent when he was staying at my place 3-4x a week. I never complained about it until now because of how he is NOW. Rent is really expensive where I live right now and I choose to live at my parents. In dec 2023, I graduate. He comes LATE to my graduation, with no text or anything. Just shows up an hour and a half late. However, whenever I'm late even 15 minutes, he blows up on me and it ruins his mood. Anyway, we get to the point (same time dec 2023) where I start sleeping over at his house. It's been about a year and a half at this point, I still haven't met his children.
We get into this argument, shortly after we make up. He has a habit of following women on Instagram for no reason and then tells me to not worry about it and it's not that deep. So I stopped following him on social media because he doesn't stop doing it. Idk what it is, but it bothers me so much because he never posts me or anything! Anyway after we make up, we actually had a really good date night. Then he admits that when we were fighting he signed up for Tinder because he said he would rather tell me than find out. Valid. I didn't blow up or anything, but a bit of me was heartbroken. We didn't talk for A DAY and you're already on Tinder. I eventually get over it. However, now I continuously bring it up in arguments. I'll say things like, "Oh whatever I don't care about you because you'll just be on Tinder the next day." He even admitted to me that every time we argue, he does follow girls to make me upset on purpose. So now I'm insecure. He still doesn't post me. He hardly shows me appreciation. Some of the things we argue about are his way of taking back things he has said, Instagram, how he makes everything about him, and his temper tantrums. More on this as we go.
In Feb 2024, I finally met his children. I have slept over every day since then. I'm still taking him to work every day (however that stopped about a couple of weeks ago because I started complaining about it). I've been trying to set boundaries because I know if we get into this routine of spending of every single day together, I will get used to it. And if something changes in that routine, it will trigger me. However, he's been so adamant, like please stay here and sleep here. He has a hard time admitting that he loves me spending the night. He'll be passive aggressive, "Like I can sleep alone.." blah blah. But the moment I try to go home, he wants me to stay. It's not like I don't want to stay, but I know it's better for us in the long run if we spend time apart too. If I leave, he'll think something is wrong and whatnot. Just so manipulative. He can never admit when he misses me. However, when it comes to his kids (which I get), "I miss sleeping with my daughter". He will blatantly tell me he lives for his daughters, just to remind me I'm second. Which is fine, but he constantly throws it in my face. It's now June, we haven't spent any quality time together. He never wants to go on dates. Not even hikes. We're always doing what HE wants and what the kids wants. Not even a couple of hours. And if we do, he wants to go to a bar! I'm finally trying to plan my graduation trip that my mom gifted me (6 months later) and he says he doesn't want to go because of the kids. But he can go on trips with his friends? That's why it doesn't make sense. So I'm planning on going to Italy alone. I waited 6 months for him just for him to say no I don't want to go. Again, making it about him.
Remember how I said he backtracks on what he says? He used to tell me he wants one more kid and wanted to get married, now he says, "I just want my two daughters and marriage isn't my thing." Just out of the blue now, when he used to tell me a year straight that we had the same goals of family and marriage. I don't have any of my fallopian tubes left, so if I want children, I have to do IVF. He understood and really wanted me to have a child. Now he has changed his mind. It's not like I want a child anytime soon, but he has wasted my time thinking we have the same goals.
He's constantly nitpicking me and moody with me, which then triggers my BPD episodes. Because if you're so unhappy with me, leave me! Like for instance, he can just be super mean. He says things like I can't cook but I cook very often at home. I just don't like cooking at his house because it's actually his PARENTS' house. I feel uncomfortable. If I'm one minute late to pick him up, it ruins his mood. Just if nothing is his way, he will belittle me.
Anyway so we won't leave, so I do it and then I regret it. And then he says, "You always do this. You're going to do it next week. I don't care if you say we're done." So now he says he feels drained because I check in and out. He's the one coming back to me! And then he likes to say, "I never break up with you, I never do that to you." And mind you, he never apologizes. He just reaches out to me like nothing happened. The reason why I might be done this time is because I was cleaning his room and came across his journal. I shouldn't have read it, yeah. However, he wrote that he missed his ex. I confronted him and he said if I looked, it was dated 4 years ago. I blew up. He didn't even provide me reassurance and was upset I read it, so it made me feel like it was true. As you can tell, I grew very insecure. I've also been unemployed since April and I have a degree. So without school and with many rejection emails, I'm just in a low spot. I paid for a Disney trip for him and his daughters, and all he says is, "I wish you could go." without doing anything. I can't afford a ticket for myself now, ahahaha. This man has put me through a lot and yet I know I will mourn the loss of our relationship if we part ways. But it sucks because I WAS THERE through his toughest and lowest points, and he can't be there for me right now through mine.
I need support please because I'm too ashamed to tell my friends and family.

I dated my ex back in 2022 so a while ago but due to circumstances and rumours people had been telling me I decided to break it off with him as his own friends told me that he wanted to break up with me as he preferred his girl bff. ( found out that they were lying btw)
Later after we broke up he started ‘talking’ to my friend and eventually they started dating . She asked for my permission and I said yes as I felt as though I had no right to come in between them just because I liked him, even though I really wanted to say no
The 2 dated for a while and did some sexual things together which has made my friend attached to him and him attached to her so even though they broke up they still talked and acted as if they were dating 2 years after .
About after a year of them breaking up me and him started speaking again and we started bonding and sharing stuff about our selfs no one knew , we started to speak a lot and I started to like him again but I stopped speaking to him as I felt guilty from speaking to him behind my friends back as when she found out she said she liked him and that she didn’t mind if us 2 were still talking as she understood we talked to each other about things no one else knew about, even secrets I swore no one would know.
We stopped speaking for about 3 months and between then he and my friend started to get close again and then he spoke to me again. I hadn’t realised I missed him as well and hated that feeling so I stopped speaking to him AGAIN.
we recently started speaking and he started confessing how he truly felt about me and said he wanted to cut of my friend if that meant I would take his feeling seriously as I still believed he liked her . But he explained their relationship and said that when they broke they still spoke but he realised he still liked me and said he started speaking to my friend as a distraction because I kept on avoiding him and had him blocked on everything.
The more we speak the more I realise I need him. You know that pit in your stomach that forms whenever you miss a person badly, whenever I think of him that’s all I feel
There’s truly no one who understands me like he does, we’ve been through so many similar things .
But all I can think about is him and my friend and whenever he says something sweet to me all I can wonder is if she experienced the same treatment and I can’t help remember they’ve seen each other naked (not fully but you get the gist)

I was recently hired as a man’s assistant in a bank, and there are only 3 people that work at my bank (very small town). Myself the loan assistant, my coworker the Head Teller, and our boss the Loan Officer. The Head Teller is leaving to go on a trip next week and it’ll be leaving me here alone with him at the bank. As I said before this a small town so we get very few customers..
Now for the questions
I think my boss has been flirting with me. I have a boyfriend and he has a wife.. Boss is in his 30’s and has a wife. But he’s asked me “What would you do if your bf asked you for an open relationship?” And when I said he wouldn’t he responded with “It’s only human nature to be attracted to the opposite sex etc etc” and we both read, he just got me into a book series and I’m on book 3 but he’s also recommended other books and emphasized some of their sex scenes, I catch him looking at me often and we exchange glances. At one point when I was reading the last book of a series with some amazing sex scenes, he would catch me looking at him and tell me I better not be listening to something naughty and watching him. I just laughed awkwardly and was like I won’t do that! And sometimes when we’re talking he will lean in and I will start stammering over my words and he just waits patiently not breaking eye contact grinning down at me. He’s also made comments like “Here let me scoot back so you aren’t looking at my crotch” and I’ll say oh you’re fine
So basically I think he’s interested in me, we will have a lot of alone time next week and I WANT TO MAKE A MOVE. I can’t stop thinking about him and how I want his hands on me and his cock in my mouth and in me… I don’t know if it’s playful or if he really wants me too.. What do you guys think? Any ideas how I can initiate?

I (19M) and my father (53M) have been having issues for years, ever since I was a little kid.
My father is a wonderful person loved by our community, and recently he's gotten into politics, which, is good for him! The issues lie behind closed doors. He is completely different at home toward his family than he is to the average person on the street. He is very controlling, and vindictive, and flies into blind rages where he says and does things he doesn't even remember.
Since I was younger, this has been a problem. He would be completely normal one minute, and then he's your worst nightmare the next. Little things seem to set him off. For example, forgetting to do something, or sleeping past 8 am. He has always had this preconception that he has to be in control of everything in the house, all the way down to your plans and what you are doing that day.
Recently, as I have been getting out and joining the workforce after 7 months and a betrayal from a friend/ photography partner who stiffed me 2k, I've finally gotten a stable, well-paying, job. Very suddenly, I was asked to leave after 7 more months of working, over a medical emergency that kept me from taking an exam to earn a certification I needed to keep my position.
I have been working day and night for an entire month to get another job. I'm at the point where I will take anything, as long as I can make my car payment and my insurance payment. Except for one job in particular that I have been uncomfortable with since I was 15. That was the year my dad started this same job. Since then, he has dealt with an attempted su**de from a client, and he was badly attacked by another, leaving him with black eyes and swelling on his throat from being choked. These were extremely rare occurrences, and I faced similar problems with my last job, which was in a clinic setting rather than in the field.
This job would require me to drive long distances, take care of clients who suffer from mental illnesses, and make sure they have community engagement time. I have always had issues with being comfortable around people I don't know. I suffer from a very severe anxiety disorder that can be paralyzing, and this is an issue I have had my entire life. Since losing my job, I have lost the ability to pay for my anxiety and depression meds, so it's been much more severe in recent weeks. Not to mention, my father still works this job and has heavy ties to this company. He would have constant supervision of everything I was doing and saying, and I already experienced this while signing paperwork with the manager of this location. He told my dad every single detail of everything I did while I was in contact with him, even confidential details a manager would normally never share with other specialists. My father already has a tight grasp on my life, I cannot handle him nitpicking and controlling me at work as well. I have lived with it since the moment I was born, and I am screaming for autonomy.
During all of this, I have been looking for other options. I have 4 interviews this week, one is at a clinic, and the other 3 are at restaurants. I would be making similar pay at all of these jobs, and I have a very high chance of employment within the next week at 3 of them, including the clinic. I let my parents both know that I will not be working at the company my dad is forcing on me so I could focus on interviewing and being ready for a job I desire.
My dad blew UP on me. He screamed at me and cussed me out at 9 in the morning over the phone. He said a plethora of things a father should never say to his son. He told me I should start packing my bags, he's going to take me to a military recruiter (I scored high on the ASVAB but the military just isn't an option for me, contrary to his beliefs), and that I am the sole reason he and my mom are on the verge of divorce. These are just a few things.
In their defense, I have been jobless for one month and they have had to take my car and insurance payments this month, which I plan to pay them back for when I start working. I have been working my ass off trying to find a job in my city and the surrounding cities, but I have had so many issues. Employers suddenly stop responding, I put in an application at a place that is "hiring" and I call and they aren't actually hiring. The largest problem is the dead employers. I put in an application and keep calling and I never hear back from them. Most of the jobs I have applied to have been "reviewing" me for an entire month.
My father truly believes I am not trying at all, and I am. I have evidence of my efforts. It's not my fault we live in Indiana, home of corn and drugs. There aren't many opportunities when there are almost no businesses. We live in a rather large city as well, but the entire city is dead. Almost all of the buildings downtown are empty, and the population in our city is rising exponentially, which makes an already difficult job search nearly impossible.
My mental health has suffered so much since my boyfriend returned to his home out of state for summer break from Uni, lost my job, and lost a friend to sui***e, all within the last month. I have been trying my best and my best is not enough.
TLDR; My father is controlling, manipulative, and mean to us, and even tries to control the job I am allowed to work. I have struggled for a month since losing my last job because my city is an actual job desert, and most employers are extremely lazy. My mental health is bad, and this job I am being forced into is an actual death sentence for me in my current state.

On paper, I think prequels can be a good way to expand upon lore established from previous works and offer insight into how they influenced/shaped the characters. However, I often find that most of them simply abandon this concept in favor of telling an entirely new story by retconning certain things characters have described in the past and using the unreliable narrator angle as an excuse for inconsistent writing. And what baffles me the most is that many people are quick to defend the liberties taken by the writes instead of calling them out on their blunders. I understand that for a majority of people, this is seen as a non-issue, but I wish there were prequels that actually remained faithful to the details described in the original stories.
I’d like to hear what your opinions are on this topic and if you guys think writers should or shouldn’t follow the backstories they wrote prior to the conception of a prequel.

Hey guys! I just posted in the "is this HS?" thread and I'd love your opinions, so head on over if you've got one. I'm 32 and this is rearing its ugly heads for the first time. It's called Hidradenitis, which reminds me of the mythological dragon Hydra that Hercules had to fight. I don't know if there's any correlation in the root of the word, but it really does feel like an ugly dragon with multiple heads, and once you lob one-off, two more grow back in its place. Anyway, here are some more of my musings so far from dealing with this disease; most of which I'm sure you will all relate to.
I'm 95% sure that HS is what I am dealing with. I just got past the level where my doctor admitted I could use a referral to a dermatologist after throwing antibiotics at me from afar, and now comes the long process of trying to make an appointment with an office that seems so busy and backed up that they won't answer calls (even though I'm supposed to call and make an appointment). Frankly, I don't even know what a dermatologist will suggest, but I hope it's not more antibiotics.
All my life I have been a chronic google-self-diagnoser, resorting to informing myself of the worst-case scenario to gain some sick sense of closure. I am aware of this. So when I came across HS as a possibility of what I was dealing with in my first crop of boils in March all I could think of was "gosh, I hope I'm wrong". I braced myself for fielding all of the probing and investigative questions my doctor and mother had for me to get through the would-be-could-be differentials.
This part drives me crazy. I already avoid any type of soap or perfume that isn't necessary and only use a high-quality detergent that promises to be free of bullshit. I also wash my laundry with an extra rinse cycle. I began the process of eliminating everything from coming into contact with my skin. I'm also realizing that my Dad had many problems with skin irritation, and on his side my grandma had bad rheumatoid arthritis, so maybe there's a connection?
I'm having a hard time eliminating everything from my diet. I realize that everything is a potential trigger. I used to drink heavily; actually I'm a 2-years-sober alcoholic. I appreciate the value of abstaining from everything bad, but it's making me confront the fact that I use food and smoking weed to fill in the void of where alcohol once was. Since March I've attempted a couple of restricted diets and just ended up back at square one - indulging in highly inflammable foods like pure sugar and hydrogenated oil fried stuff and smoking. Overcoming drinking was a huge step in my life, and along with it came giving up all tobacco/nicotine, and pot-smoking and sugar was supposed to be the next step. I thought this would be a great little shove towards my lengthy goal, but I'm finding myself scrambling for motivation even when faced with big giant boils. Addiction is a fun little journey that just never ends.
But in order to cope, I still have to set aside the idea that one trigger could be the cause of everything. I feel like all foods/substances that could cause inflammation could trigger a flare-up. Maybe if I ate clean for years I would never experience any boils; maybe inflammation is a lot more complicated than I interpret it as and it just makes sense to be avoiding these things anyway.
I should be digging deep down in myself for strength at this time, but I'm letting myself down all the time instead. I do this stupid thing where I start to question what I've done to deserve this. As dysfunctional as it is, I have to fight away the thought that I brought this onto myself by doing something evil. This is an irrational, compulsive thought I have. I listen to a course in philosophy from around the world as a way of rationalizing everything in life and finding meaning, I think it's called "The Meaning of Life". I am NOT religious, but I look to theology/philosophy for inspiration, I guess. The HS reminds me of the chapter analyzing the book of Job - It's one of the earlier biblical stories but if you haven't heard of it basically it's about this perfect saint of a man who is very rich but is also very righteous in his belief in God and is one of God's favorites. Then Devil makes a bet with God that this Job guy wouldn't be so righteous and hoighty-toighty if he wasn't as rich as he was. So God starts taking away everything from this man's life - killing off his sons and daughters, and giving him hideous smelly boils all over his skin so no one wants to be around him. Job's own wife and friends question why he is still so adamant in his belief in God even when God seemingly turned his back on him. Finally, Job questions God, and God snaps...God's answer is basically "you weren't here for the beginning of the world I made, you are just a simple mortal being. Even though I've done all of these shitty things to you, you still have no right to question me". Underwhelming, anti-climactic, and pointless? Maybe. Now, this may sound like a shitty re-telling of a biblical story with far greater meanings and interpretations than my simple mind should be able to grasp, but it does bring comfort to me. It's kind of a reminder for me to not question something so silly as to why this is happening to me or what I could have done to deserve such a thing.
Hopefully some of this is relatable to this audience, and if not, it felt cathartic to write it all out.

I am a NYS resident looking for a solution to vehicle and license suspension due to a lapse in insurance.
Long story short (I'm trying to include only essential info you may need), I am responsible for covering the car insurance premiums in the relationship. I've always paid the 6 month premium, and not put much time into car insurance other than that.
February 2024, our 6-month premium was up for auto renewal. I had switched banks late last year and forgot to update banking info.
Between Feb 24' and the time of this post, we received a notice from the insurance company informing us of lapse, as well as 3 notices from NYS dmv instructing to surrender plates immediately. The notices were sent to a PO box that I use for one of my LLCs, which I check maybe 3 times a year...used the PO box while moving a while back and never updated to physical address we currently reside at.
I was going through the PO Box mail a few days ago and saw all the notices. The notice states that once the 90th day since lapse passes, there is no option to 'pay your way out of it' and you must turn in plates, and not be allowed to register the car for the number of days since surrendering the plates. Over 3 months.
The data / background info: The total number of days from the moment I was made aware was 104 days. 3 months would be painful enough if subject to only using one vehicle and being forced to let the other one sit....3 months with not even having the option for one vehicle is simply not an option as we both work 30mins from home with no public transit available. (except from lyft / uber)
I am looking for solutions that others may have found to get around this situation, and/or guidance from those who know the system and can tell me one of my ideas is not possible etc. This has been a nightmare. I would also like to say that I take full responsibility for this...I do not put the blame on anyone but myself, and many lessons have already been learned and NYS has made their message loud and clear...I do not need additional punishment in my opinion. I will make sure this NEVER happens again.
I have not yet turned in plates; we currently sit at 108 days. I plan to turn in plates the day I figure out a feasible solution / work around (I am giving myself 10 days from today before I surrender to taking ubers for 3 months). Both licenses are suspended, however, once the solution decided, I am going to have both of us apply for restricted use driver's licenses.
Things I have tried and determined are not an option / not reasonable to pursue:
(If I have incorrectly assessed one of these as not being an option please let me know)

1. Selling car 1 (my car) to person 2 (my girlfriend) and car 2 (girlfriend's car) to person 1 (me), the registering. Not allowed as we live at same address (different last names though).
   
2. Selling car 1 and/or car 2 to a random 3rd party and insuring through them (ie. friend / family member with different last name). I do not want to wrap someone else I care about into this problem I have created, regardless of whether they are willing to help or not.
   
3. Buying a car neither of us have owned before and registering it in one of our names. (I am told suspension is only linked to VIN, however, DMV has told me on multiple occasions I would not be allowed to register a new vehicle and it would carry over...cannot cross off entirely, however, not keen on shelling out a few thousand for a new car to see if this works
   
4. Renting a car for 3 months. This would run approx $5.3k and for that cost ubelyft would be in the same price range
   

What I am currently looking into as a potential solution:

1. Selling GFs car to one of my LLCs with a different address from where we live. The sale would involve selling for fair market value and making the transaction to appear as there is no relation. I am sole owner of the LLC so I am not confident this will work...I feel this route may have potential, however, the in-state transaction is what concerns me.
   
2. Securing registration and plates via South Dakota. I have found you can do this without being a resident as long as you get a SD license in 90days...which is right around the number of days I'll need to pass before I can get everything moved back to NYS.
   

I am very thankful to any input anyone has. Thank you for you time and I hope there's someone out there who can potentially save some time and research if they find themselves in the same position as me.

I'm so sick and tired of the Fugazi's talking about teresa in every scene. it's exhausting. it seems like they have nothing else to talk about. they need to get over the drug dealer thing. if that was your past, then let it stay in the past!! why do they keep exhausting it? bloggers have known about this before teresa brought it up on tv. she apologized. there's nothing else to be upset about at this point. they don't need to be friends, but move the hell on!! it's so funny how some of these housewives wanna be on tv but don't want their skeletons coming out the closet. everything will come to light the second you put yourself on television.

Where do I even begin: Me and my girlfriend and I were doing good for 1 yr and a few months until she was getting fed up with not having space and how I act personality wise. Recently, we broke up, and she wants space she didn't give a specified time, and we broke it off. I tried to tough it out, but it's so hard. It's the thinking and the thoughts of being with someone else. My personality isn't bad at all. There would be times when we had misunderstandings about certain things, and I was thinking I was right, but I wasn't. I would apologize and say could we move forward, but she also had her own problems as well, she has alcholism , anxiety, depression, she takes medicine for those and goes to meetings for her alcoholism. We ould differ in opinions, but that's normal. She asked for space but isn't sure she'll come back. She said a few weeks, which is probably 3 to 4 weeks. She said don't rush her and stop contacting her after I did a couple of times due to anxiety, and just in case she is trying to let me down easy. She said she's not letting me down easy, and she loves me still and cries every night cause she's misses her best friend (me). I'm getting mixed signals, but I'm assuming I need to give her space so we can come back together. I hear that saying distance makes the heart grow fonder, saying , "If there's a chance of that, she'll come back." I don't know. I'm just being hopeful (so basically, it's a chance). Her ex-boyfriend cheated on her with her best friend, and she and her only had communication issues. She was complaining about it for a few months and I would try to stop but she did the same thing I tell her to stop drinking and tell me when you think you are or on the verge to tell me and she never did. I made mistakes, but she did also, and I don't think that was fair. I have my life together. I'm almost done with school , have a good paying job(menards), and an internship next year. She is finishing school also but she can't drive cause she has sezuires and stuff so no car (I would drive her everywhere ). I drove her everywhere and helped take her to the hospital and gave her all I had with a fee of problems, but all relationships have communication problems. I was cheated on a mistreated by other partners in the past, and it'ss been a horrible 7 yrs for me, but I haven't been so sure about women ever in my life that I wanted. I want he. I chose her for a reason when I asked her out after class on the last day. So all I'm saying i, has anyone been thru thi, and will she come back? What are some things to do to stop overthinking. I told her I'd wait and she said she'll text me and I'm proving to her that I will(after contacting her again.

My boyfriend ( M 18) and I (M 18) are moving into an apartment in 8 days. It's a beautiful area, affordable, good neighborhood, tons of amenities and cute little shops. We absolutely love our little place. However, ever sense coming out to my mom as gay 7 years ago she has always been disrespectful and hurtful. She goes out of her way to make sure that me being gay is never talked about with my 4 other siblings and she hardly even tries to be nice to my boyfriend. For clarification, I am the oldest of 5. My mom had me unplanned and unmarried. She is a hard-core catholic. She is also a recovering addic and alcoholic. We have never gotten along very well but after coming out things only got worse. After telling her that my boyfriend and I were moving in together she was very disappointed. She says that you should never live with someone you haven't married. She also doesn't like that it is 45 minutes away. Throughout my relationship she has made it very clear hiw much she disapproves and how disappointed she is. She is always trying to get me to come to church as well as countless other times she has gaslit, manipulated, and forced her standards on me. It isn't often but there have been a few incidents of physical violence or screaming matches so bad my siblings will lock themselves in their rooms. Despite all of this I want to heal my relationship with her, but I have very strong boundaries about it. I love my dad and my siblings so much and we are all very close. I want my siblings to feel like they can come over whenever they need or want to. I also want my dad to feel like he can visit, but with my mom being the "puppet master" of the family I know that if she can't go, no one can. I don't want her to know where the new place is because knowing her she will show up uninvited and cause problems. I don't want this for me or my partner. Even if i can heal the relationship I just don't feel comfortable with her knowing my new address just yet. So, am i being an asshole by keeping my new adress a secret from my family?