Hi everyone,
So I bought a brand new m1 MacBook Pro from Facebook Marketplace, it was sealed and everything, and the moment I got home to open it, it said that I had to enroll it to a companies MDM system. I did some research and realized I got absolutely fucked, and the seller has blocked me. I’m also a student who saved up for a while now to replace my old 2015 MacBook.
Anyways, I did a lot of research into this topic and I found videos where you can “bypass” this. You turn the Mac on into recovery, copy a command from skipmdm.com, and paste it in. It bypasses the setup and restarts into a state where it automatically sets up a brand new account for you.
It was all working fine for a month until I got a message saying “XY, LLC would like to enroll this mac” on my entire screen. There were two options:
-Enroll now -Later
I obviously click later. I thought I had bypassed this but this randomly came up out of nowhere. And then, after clicking later, I’m getting notifications on the top right saying the same thing with the same two options.
I run the terminal commands according to StackExchange:
Sudo profiles status -type enrollment. Result; MDM enrollment: NO Enrolled via DEP: NO
BUT, when I run this command:
sudo profiles show-type enrollment,
It’s giving me an entire script of the company.
What the hell is going on? I’ve contacted the company over 10 times, no one is responding, and I can’t reach the seller. Would the company still be able to see what I’m doing? What is the difference between these two commands? Buying a new Mac is NOT an option rn.

This is an automation side-project that I was thinking about a few weeks ago.
It’s not directly related to Clay, but I wanted to share to help spark new ideas for your own projects.
I’m sure by now everyone’s heard of the guy who traded up from a paperclip to a house. Craigslist was his main channel for sourcing leads for trades, I think. Makes sense.
Recently, someone else did the same just a few years ago, trading up from a bobby pin to a house. Cool idea.
Problem is she literally spent her entire waking hours outside work (and probably during work as well) on Facebook marketplace.
Now, can I help my friend recreate this with cheap automation tools that are available to us now? Like most of us, she doesn’t have the time to message people non-stop.
So here’s what I’m thinking:

1. Post on Facebook, Craigslist, etc. This is going to field inbound traffic only. We’re not going to reach out via outbound.
2. Set an automatic reply bot to immediately engage people who replied to the ad.
3. Use AI to categorize their item + find comparables online to estimate price.
4. Auto check against a list of automatic no’s (like jewelry, used electronics, etc).
5. Put each item into a “yes” or “no” bucket.
6. Use AI to create a message, ready to send.
7. Manually review from here and only send messages to the best prospects.

It’s a very basic start to the idea, but I bet someone out there with more time on their hands can make it work.
Some keys to make this work:

• A good listing: Strong copy, good pictures, etc.
• Don't get stuck with dead-end trades. Think big picture.
• Playing in niche markets where trading is common (like used basketball shoes) can be helpful.
• If you want to go all-out, create a landing page with a compelling story and get traction on social media by posting each trade.

I've seen a few people not fully sure what to make of Florida!!! and since I view it as maybe THE gayest song on the album (the prophecy/guilty as sin/fresh out the slammer are all top contenders, though), and perhaps the idea/thought process that creates the basis for the rest of the songs (hence the exclamation points!!!) I figured I should share my interpretation of it. Thoughts and notes are very welcome!
You can beat the heat, if you beat the charges too - Okay, so the you pronoun here is important, the I and the You are the two characters who are having a duet. Taylor's I is singing to Florence's You the only way to "beat the heat" aka avoid Florida, is to make sure there are "no charges" - allegations that is.
They said I was a cheat, I guess it must be true - Who are they? Likely the press talking about TayloMatty/Joe, right? But the 'I guess' is there to denote the next line as a little sarcastic, a little playful - she means something subversive to what she is actually saying. 'I guess it must be true', how can this be honest, and still toy with the original meaning? Well, if she had relationships while being with the person she was publicly tied to - but that was agreed upon, she was meant to 'be a cheat'.
And my friends all smell like weed or little babies And this city reeks of driving myself crazy - There is no one who understands the titular I's (likely Taylor) situation. Either they are in heteronormative relationships - having babies isn't literal here, it is a symbol for sticking to the normative - or they are dissociating from the reality - where the weed is a symbol for turning off, forgetting, disconnecting. Her immidiate surroundings (the city) are isolating her with her own thoughts (driving myself crazy) - reeks is especially interesting here, as it is mostly used for something hidden or concealed, but still noticeable. She is working so hard at not showing anyone these thoughts.
Little did you know Your home's really only a town you're just a guest in So you work your life away Just to pay for a timeshare down in Destin -Here you can read home as an analogy for her identity, and I think you should, specifically because none of her homes are in towns - she lives in cities, but her home is where she lives, where her heart is if you will. And that is the interesting thing about this line anymore - your home, where you used to live/who you used to be, is no longer a home/no longer where your heart lies. It is just a place, one you can get evicted from, one built not from you (after all you are just a guests, guests don't leave their mark) but from other people and their notions and ideas (you know, a town). Now this one is admittedly a jump but I have a theory based on a different person who talks about Florida as a freedom you'd give anything for - so this is partially based on that, this idea of Florida as the ultimate place to go to find yourself. However, I feel like the lyrics really lend themselves to this as well, even without that interpretation "so you work your way, just to pay for a timeshare down in destin" - Destin is such an interesting choice of a place, it feels like it is trying to allude to destiny, i.e. the life you want for yourself and believe must be coming (and from a gaylor perspective, being out and queer, and getting to love whomever you want). So this like can be read as like you make sacrifices and work harder than humanly possible (look at Taylor's career) only to get to finally feel a a small sliver (pay for a timeshare) of destiny, the life you wish for (in Destin). Why would this be Florida, why would it be Destin specifically? Well, Florida is at least internationally known as a retirement state, someplace you can eventually settle down and find peace. Other people dream of LA, NY, London, or even Nashville - but she has been there and she was miserable. I think there is something alluring in an anonymous suburb where she can just be herself and be in love. I also think she is trying to comment on how a free future isn't nessecarily one where she is loved and appreciated, and she is aware of that.
Florida is one hell of a drug Florida, can I use you up? She can't dissociate and flee anymore (like her friends who smell of weed) so she needs to find another drug to sustain her current life - dreams of who she can be once she has reached her destin/her destiny/her destination.
The hurricane with my name when it came First of all, role switch indicated by Florence singing! This is the You that Taylor was talking to, the one that has been established as the one who beat the heat (Florida), and the charges (rumors of being gay). This is the Taylor that doesn't dream about coming out, who has accepted a life without freedom and without love.
This line is also really clever, because it calls back to Taylor's earlier usages of storm imagery (like "Storm coming, good husband, bad omen" from High Infidelity, that can be read as Taylor being the storm that is a bad omen for her 'good husband', the Taylor that acts on her secret thoughts. Same with "Every mornin', I glared at you with storms in my eyes/How can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dyin'?" from You're Losing Me, again a Taylor ready to wreck havoc on the status quo with her secret, inner thoughts. And once again with "To see you there, to see you there/And now the storm is coming, but/It's you and me, that's my whole world/They whisper in the hallway, "She's a bad, bad girl" (Okay)" from Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince qhere she honestly spends the most of the text establishing herself as the opposite of Miss Americana - she is running from homecoming, she sees America burning before her and she wants no part, just like she wants no heartbreak prince, she wants the 'you' in the song, and oncs she sees her she becomes the storm, the Taylor that acts on, or wants to act on, her secret thoughts. This is hopefully enough to establish a pattern, but seriously look up storm mentions in her song and think of it from this perspective - it makes. sense.) but also because it is Florence singing, it also calls to memory her song Hurricane Drunk.
Florence described it like this: "This was written in about 10 minutes. I'd never had my heart broken before, and when I did I realised how delicious it can be, how intoxicating. You suddenly realise that all the little things you cared about don't matter. You don't care about anything. You think, I'm going to drink myself to death.' And then you bump into them and they're with another girl. You've been waiting for the worst to happen, and then when it does – you're free. Nothing matters. All the wind is taken out of you, but then all of a sudden you're like 'I'm going out! And nothing can stop me, nothing can hurt me any more! I'm invincible, because you've hurt me so much.'" So, imagine what the consequences of letting storm-Taylor free would be, she would be free, but it would also be the worst that could happen.
I got drunk and I dared it to wash me away Barricaded in the bathroom with a bottle of wine - Few things here, this "You" the Taylor that has given up, is daring the other Taylor, the "I", the storm-Taylor, to make her disappear. Some part of her wants it, and being drunk is often used for symbolising sharing your innermost thoughts (you only hear the truth from drunk men and babies), deep down she hasn't truly let go. She decides to lock herself up further, so that it can't happen, waiting it out with wine. Wine has been a symbol with a double meaning in her earlier songs - it is both nice memories of people she seem to feel genuine love for (see maroon, dress, willow) and memories of or a symbol for what she has lost (see BDILH, ((honestly also the alchemy...)), ILIPW, Ivy, Clean).
Well, me and my ghosts, we had a hell of a time Yes, I'm haunted but I'm feeling just fine Just reaffirming and validating the speculation from the last line, the Taylor that has given up has chosen to stay in her memories and her past. She claims to be fine with having nothing other than that. Fully also a callback to Haunted, that is pretty obviously about a gay girl being left by her sapphic lover, and having to go home to a man she doesn't love - she is saying that the heartbreak and the betrayal has stayed with her, but she can't care about it any longer.
All my girls got their lace and their crimes And your cheating husband disappeared - I truly think this should be read this way: All my girls got their lace/And their crimes and your cheating husband disappeared. If so, all my girls got their lace could be referring to all the girls she loves getting married to someone else, lamenting over that, and over the fact that they no longer have a record (have escaped the rumors of queerness) and the given up-Taylor is pondering the fact that her beard (cheating husband) is nothing she needs to take into account anymore, he disappeared without exposing her secret
Well, no one asks any questions here No one truly wishes to know what happened.
So I did my best to lay to rest All of the bodies that have ever been on my body And in my mind, they sink into the swamp "To lay to rest", to allow herself to forget the possibilities that have been, the love she could have had, as that is now out of her reach - however, she lays them to rest in a swamp - where do we have swamps? Florida. The place she doesn't ever think she can truly go but loves, and longs for. That is where she places those memories, so that if she ever suceeds, she can still have them, they can still be hers.
Is that a bad thing to say in a song? Somewhat of a double entendre - the surface interpretation is idk female rage, she committed murder, she doesn't care about her previous relationships maybe even? The deeper interpretation however would be, if she feels shame about the part of her that longs for Florida, is it okay for her to say that she keeps her memories, is it okay to tell the world that she will return to them one day, can she even in heavy metaphors touch on the part that she works so hard to keep hidden
[...]
So you pack your life away Just to wait out the shitstorm back in Texas - Current Taylor, storm-Taylor is singing again, mocking given up-Taylor for her choices of giving up her life and making these sacrifices (pack your life away), with no other grater purpose than to wait - and actually, here is a wonderful double meaning again. She could either be waiting out "the shitstorm back in Texas" i.e. waiting for a better less republican climate or waiting out "the shitstorm" (herself, her urges to come out, her urges to break free) "back in Texas" (hiding behind conservative values, toying with this image of her as the boy crazy future wife, with the picket fence and the 2.5 children)
[...]
I need to forget, so take me to Florida Really only validating the interpretation so far, she needs to forget what her life is, so she dreams of Florida (aka freedom). Storm-Taylor is singing this line, the one who actually wishes to break free.
I've got some regrets, I'll bury them in Florida Can it be more literal than this? It is referring back to the bodies she left in the swamp, i.e. her memories and her real loves, the things she could have had. She will "bury them in Florida" i.e. not pretend like they exist, but they stay in the dreamworld. This is giving up-Taylor singing.
Tell me I'm despicable, say it's unforgivable Storm-Taylor is singing this, she is saying that she is ready to take the consequences. Ready to hear from the homophobes thatthese are "despicable acts" and "unforgivable sins" as they so often do.
At least the dolls are beautiful, fuck me up, Florida - This is both of them!! So important. Both versions of Taylor are so gay that at the thought of beautiful women they are both like, what the hell, maybe it doesn't sound so bad after all. 🤷‍♀️ Literal perfection, no notes on this line. Of course what finally gets her on the same track is ✨️women✨️. There isn't a sapphic that can't relate to making the hardest descision for no other reason than bc cute girl.
I need to forget, so take me to Florida - this is just like before I've got some regrets, I'll bury them in Florida - but this is now sang by them both, and an alternate meaning of this line could be that any regrets they have about how they handled themselves and their career won't matter anymore once they are free (in Florida)
Tell me I'm despicable, say it's unforgivable What a crash, what a rush, fuck me up, Florida It's one hell of a drug - This is just storm-taylor, and she is ready to let it burn, she knows the pain is coming and welcomes it
It's one hell of a drug Love left me like this and I don't want to exist So take me to Florida - This makes me very emotional actually. It is both of them singing. A bit more reluctantly than in the previous stanza, but they are obviously both looking at the destruction that has been left in their life by their own love (gay) and people's expectations of love for them (not gay), and it has hurt them so much that they don't even want to be alive anymore. It is too tiresome. So they both agree to finally be free, because the other option, quite frankly, is death. They'll go to Florida. 🩷🧡🤍
Little did you know Your home's really only a town you're just a guest in (take me to Florida ) So you work your life away Just to pay for a timeshare down in Destin (take me to Florida ) - This is a call and response, so storm-Taylor says one line, and giving up-Taylor says the other, really just to show that they now agree with eachother's worldview. For now, the non bolded part in the parenthesis is just Storm-Taylor though, really being the leader, whilst the bold is the both of them actively now showing their longing
Little did you know Your home's really only the town you'll get arrested (take me to Florida ) So you pack your life away Just to wait out the shitstorm back in Texas (take me to Florida ) Call and response continues in the same way, but I just wanted to point out this line since I didn't before. We have established that Home is Taylor herself, and The Charges are queerness/rumors of being queer, the town is views/other views. So this would mean: You are really the only one who's views keep you jailed, you are the one who is preventing you from being free/queer
Florida is one hell of a drug (take me to) Florida Florida, can I use you up? Florida is one hell of a drug Florida, go on, fuck me up -Nothing new really happens here, the bolded bits are storm-Taylor singing, the rest is both of them. One piece of note, however, is that the "(take me to) Florida" bit has the same tempo as 'the lakes', potentially drawing similies between the lakes ("I don't belong, and my beloved neither do you" [...] "I'm setting off, not without my muse") and Florida, emphasizing the difference between a version of freedom where you have to hide your love away from the world and decide to eulogize yourself to get peace, and true freedom, where you decide to take the punches and get fucked up just to not have to hide ever again (being in Florida, in the smack of the middle of the hear of the dab - I realize this reference is only useful to dropout fans, but the rest of you hopefully get my point regardless.)

Let me just say, there is absolutely nothing wrong with household investors who can only afford a share or two of GME. I know exactly what it's like to scrape by and not know how you're going to pay for groceries or gas.
I'm just trying to make clear how little money that $24k is in scale to someone who's got a net worth of $50 million.
Maybe some are cool w/ extremely wealthy types throwing a few bucks into GME to act like "hey guys I'm one of you! ape rebellion"
...but bro, I've got ALL OF MY NET WORTH IN GME, ALL OF MY SKIN IS IN THIS GAME, and I have no idea what an ape rebellion is. I. JUST. LIKE. THE. STOCK.
If you just like the stock too, maybe show that with more than some symbolic fees, that in reality totals no consequential amount of $$$ for you.

I figured I'd continue this sort of thing with the next weapon class down the list.
Historically, straight-bladed, one-handed or hand-and-a-half swords were sidearms. Either as a backup weapon on the battlefield or as personal defense/a status symbol for everyday carry. I think the devs did a good job of capturing that in game. As a class, straight swords are rarely if ever an outright bad choice, but in any specific circumstance they'll fall well behind a more specialized option. Once you have access to bigger, flashier, or more impressive options they tend to fall by the wayside. But if your main breaks or is the wrong choice for a fight, it's comforting to know that you always have something that's basically OK to fall back on.
One thing that's not historically accurate is the power stance. I actually enjoyed it a lot more than I thought I would. The damage output was pretty impressive and the specific way you swing both of them seems to have a more generous hitbox than one alone. Would I recommend doing it yourself? Well, definitely with Blue Flame and maybe with a couple others.
There are 18 straight swords in this game so let's get into individual details.
Shortsword
The main thing you notice using this is it's short. Deep insight, I know. Thing is, this is Dark Souls 2 and weapon hitboxes are at least vaguely the same size as the model. At times you can really feel the lack of reach when you find yourself whiffing attacks more than is healthy. The second thing you notice about the Shortsword is it isn't very strong. Straight swords don't have a whole lot of variance in their damage, but the Shortsword is definitely on the lower end of the scale and the above average counter damage can only do so much to cover for it. The third thing you notice is that the moveset is bloody fantastic. I'm always going to value a straight sword with a thrusting attack over one that only slashes. Thrust is just plain a better damage type than slash, it improves performance in tight spaces, and it gives your attacks more forward momentum to keep up aggression (and make up for short reach). It also may just be me, but it feels like the thrusting heavy attacks are better than slashing against NPC invaders too.
Longsword
It's only the second entry on the list and my thrust attack bias is rearing its head again. The 2 handed strong attack of the Longsword is just plain good. Between the damage and the stagger, there's parts of the game where I treat it more like a thrusting sword than a straight sword. There are a few other swords that have the same attack, but the Longsword is the strongest of the bunch (though it's only in the middle of the pack for the overall weapon class). The free fire infused one you can get is fine enough for the price. It performs about as well on average as the base model but it has some advantages against fire weak or slash resistant enemies and some glaring disadvantages once you hit a water or fire level. It's a lot more useful in vanilla where the Dull Ember is a lot harder to get. One last thing: I'd be remiss if I didn't bring up the Longsword's performance in PVP. I don't know nearly enough about that aspect of the game to really talk about it, but something about the specific intersection of reach, stagger, moveset, and requirements means this gets an S rank in a LOT of tier lists.
Broken Straight Sword
Something has to be the worst option, and it's the broken sword's thankless duty to fulfill this role. It's pitifully short, pathetically weak, and disappointingly fragile. It exists mostly to give players a clearly visible bottom of the barrel to compare other weapons to. One thing it does have going for itself is the lowest stamina costs of literally any weapon which is at least something. Poison or Mundane infusion can even make it borderline usable for the masochists out there.
Broadsword
One thing I've noticed about DS2's weapon design is that the first weapon you find in a specific class gets treated as the "default" and most others will be variants of it in some way. The Broadsword fits that mold here and that's not a bad place to be. It's got a decent moveset, decent damage, and it's decently easy to get and use. The thing is that being the archetype for the Basically OK weapon class means that you don't stand out at all. Its damage is a little above average, but it's reach is a little below and it's still well in the middle of the pack for both. All other stats and its moveset are completely standard. There's nothing wrong with using it, as long as you don't need to stab anything that is, but you'll find plenty of better options down the line.
Foot Soldier Sword
Lightweight, extremely low requirements, good reach, decent base damage for infusions, and an excellent moveset. If it weren't for the incredibly low durability this would be one of the best swords in the game. As it stands, well, it can make a decent emergency backup option as long as you don't need to rely on it too much.
Heide Knight Sword
This got done dirty in the Scholar version. First by being shifted from a guaranteed drop to a rare drop, and second when they made infusion much easier to unlock and devalued pre-infused and natural elemental weapons. It's still a Basically OK weapon but it's been knocked down to niche use rather than a staple. I'd say the best use case is someone who wants to use Faith from the start (for instance, helping a friend with a dedicated support build in co-op) and wants at least some payoff in damage before late game. I used it as my left hand weapon in power stance for quite a lot of the game since I wasn't planning to buff that hand anyway and it pulled its weight. That said, there's a reason I didn't use it in the right hand. I'm not a big fan of the one handed moveset. It's not bad per se but the underhanded swings just feel less powerful and I'm not sure why the strong attacks are borrowed from the Royal Dirk.
Varangian Sword
These first 7 swords are available pretty much at the start of the game, with varying levels of effort, so I'm loosely grouping them together as the "starter pack." Out of these, the Varangian Sword is the most viable as a main weapon rather than simply a backup. Broadsword moveset, Longsword length, and noticeably higher damage output than any of the other 6. Durability is something you have to keep in mind, and it can be especially bad for newer players who aren't as experienced with making it last, but for me it was mostly a non-issue.
Blue Flame
You know, when Elden Ring came out and there wasn't a single melee weapon that doubled as a casting tool I was a little confused. But then looking at the ones that appeared in DS2 and 3 and I start to think that the Blue Flame being actually pretty good as both a weapon and a casting tool was some sort of fluke. It's not really the best at either, as a staff it's a bit slow and only about third place in damage and as a sword it's Basically OK most of the time but suffers from the frequency of magic resistant enemies. But it lets me double buff easily in power stance and when you do, it's a blast to use. Now there is the question of infusion. Both Raw and Magic are basically direct upgrades in different ways. Raw works best if you plan to use it primarily as a sword since while it does improve the magic damage, it doesn't do so by a lot. Magic greatly improves spell damage, but is worse than base as a melee weapon, in no small part because it drops the physical damage down to "might as well not exist" level. Personally I think Raw is the better deal overall, especially since you have the option to apply Aromatic Ooze for an even better boost to spell damage than any spell buff, but I can see situations where more powerful spells could tip the balance in your favor. Also a heads up when you use this, due to some quirks in the buff formulas, Great Magic Weapon is only a few points weaker than Crystal on this weapon.
Red Rust Sword
This is an axe. Normally I would be fine with that since I fucking love the standard axe moveset for reasons I can't fully articulate, but this is not a particularly strong axe either. In fact at 40 Strength it's noticeably weaker than the Battle Axe even before you factor in the complete lack of counter damage. And the Battle Axe upgrades with normal titanite. And that;s not even touching on the Bandit Axe. Though granted it is at least strong for a straight sword if you count it as one. The one unique thing about the Red Rust Sword is its power stance performance (as you might have guessed from the person you get it from). It has straight sword compatibility and moveset priority but axe power stance moveset. This means you can pair it with some things that you normally can't pair with axes (daggers, thrusting swords, greatswords, spears, and lances specifically) and putting it in the left hand means it's less likely to override the moveset if you don't care for the axe power stance (and I don't).
Sun Sword
So the thing about weapons in DS2 with noticeably higher scaling than others in their class is they almost always have much lower base damage. This means that high stats are a requirement for use rather than a reward. Said scaling in this case is also a textbook example of DS2's misleading letter grades. The game tells you A/A but doesn't tell you that means 80%/45%. The other semi-unique feature, the one-handed stab, is not nearly as impressive or effective to me as the Longsword's two-handed one. And farming it is a complete pain in the ass even with the best luck boosts and a good plan. But let's take a step back from negativity and look at what this sword really wants you to do. It incentivizes physical stats and one handed use, which to me suggests one of two routes. Sword and board, especially since it comes with its own shield, but I've never felt that that's a particularly interesting playstyle. Or you can use it as the right hand in power stance, and that's where I think it shines. Again, having the option to use thrust damage when needed is very helpful, and the Sun Sword is one of the better options for this specific niche.
Drakekeeper's Sword
This just barely avoids being a direct upgrade to the Broadsword by having no counter damage. Above average reach and stagger, good damage, and high durability make this a very strong if not particularly flashy or dynamic choice. Just a pity that it's found almost at the end of the game.
Black Dragon Sword
Until you get very high stats, this is the strongest straight sword in the game. Both with a Raw infusion when compared to the physical options and with elemental infusions. And unlike the other strongest options, there's no traditional downside to balance it. High durability, Broadsword moveset, average reach, average weight, and no notable stat deficiencies. The real downside, aside from it being a pain to farm, is the opportunity cost of spending your boss upgrade material on something that is only the best of the Basically OK.
Yellow Quartz Longsword
Imagine a Longsword with a Broadsword moveset, worse damage, half the durability, and a bunch of crud smeared on the blade. Preorder weapons had a couple of hits and a bunch of misses. This one's a miss.
Possessed Armor Sword
This one has a few unique things going for it. The least remarkable thing is the above average reach, nice as it is. The moveset borrows a bit from axes and greatswords for a few attacks, and it works pretty decently. But the real draw is in the self-buff. L2 gives you 25 seconds of boosted fire damage at the cost of durability (much like the Watcher and Defender Greatswords). As for how well all of that works in practice, well it's not great but it's not really bad either. The buff doesn't add all that much damage, and fire is in many ways the worst damage type, but as long as you keep an eye on the durability and are not using it on things that resist it, it's Basically OK.
Ashen Warrior Sword
This sword has the same moveset as the Shortsword, with thrusting strong attacks when both one and two handed, so it makes a good first impression. And unlike the Shortsword it has decent reach so it's even better. The cracks start to show when you see the durability, though even then it's not a dealbreaker for me. That comes when you see the damage output and realize it traded actual real damage for bleed. Heartbreaking.
Puzzling Stone Sword
This weapon is unique top to bottom. The light attacks are already a pretty unique combination before you get into the weird extendo whip sword strong attacks. It's even got some weirdly high Dex scaling. Thing is, even with that scaling it's always on the lower end of damage for straight swords. And taking advantage of the extended reach with the strong attacks means dealing even less damage since they're way out of the sword's sweet spot. Still, as a rollcatcher or zoning tool it's pretty effective. Just ask Fencer Sharron.
Fume Sword
This is the longest straight sword by a decent margin, and acts even longer with those thrusting attacks. It has dark scaling, but no requirements in those stats and can be buffed with resin so it works just fine in physical builds. It also has above average counter damage. I think like the Sun Sword, this works best one handed with either a shield or another weapon, just like how its previous owner used it.
Ivory Straight Sword
It's a lightsaber. It deals pure physical Strike damage. It requires 40 Dex. It has no scaling. It weighs 0.5 pounds. It does not benefit from Flynn's Ring at all. It has 250 durability. It breaks after 25 swings no matter what you hit. It deals the least amount of poise damage of any weapon. It has the slowest attacks and the highest stamina costs of any straight sword. The 2 handed strong attack can deal 4 digit damage. Using that attack costs as much stamina as drawing a Twin-Headed Greatbow. I'm about 70% sure it can headshot. It's cool looking and unique. It sucks so bad. If you're intrigued by this thing's design and want to try to make the most of it, there's two different routes you can take to make it work. 1. Treat it like some sort of weird fucked up pocket great hammer and exclusively use the 2HR2. 2. Go play Elden Ring and build around the Carian Knight Sword or Coded Sword instead.

Throwaway account bc I don’t want this getting back to me and my Reddit account has way too much personal info on so there’s this dude I’m fucking who’s cool but I keep replaying little intimate moments or times he laughs at something I say and it’s driving me CRAZY. For context - I (29f) and hooking up with this dude (29m) who is enm in a very committed relationship. I am so happy he has someone serious bc I am way too independent and enjoy that we keep our encounters to the bedroom, yet I’ve been noticing that we have SO much chemistry to the point where he’s even commented on it and how it’s not like that with everyone which has me questioning does he even have chemistry with his partner or is he just with her bc they have been together for so long and I keep thinking about him and it’s fucking annoying and i don’t know what to do about it bc im not trying to be a home wrecker and id like some clarification on boundaries like until when or how many times or occasions of having sex does he then have to end things or how often am I allowed to asked him to come over i also don’t want to appear needy to him and I have kept myself in check pretty proud of myself for not texting him often and strictly just hey come over ok on my way kinda texts but damn it’s such good sex and I’m craving more and I also need to keep myself in check bc I know how I can get when I find myself enjoying someone’s company and I’m trying to not deal with those feelings and today while scrolling on Facebook while peeing I saw him on the friends you may know which is weird bc I haven’t searched him up but I know that if someone else searches you then their profile shows up on your friends you may know so now I’m wondering like is he thinking about me as much as I’m thinking about him??
ALSO ok so he showed up on my Facebook people you may know so I went and peeped at his prof and he has his gf on there and she’s so cute lol so I looked at her profile and THE FIRST PERSON ON HE FRIENDS was this person who was literally the one that got away. She went to the same undergrad as him. I’m just like woah small fucking world what are the odds
The one that got away was this dude from 5 years ago who I had the most organic chemistry and like really fell in lust so quick and nothing has been as good as him and it was such a whirlwind I remember he had all these rules for himself where it was basically fuck and leave no cuddling no pillow talk no sleepovers no dates and he broke all those rules with me and then it ended bc he moved away and I lost my shit so anyways I was really not expecting to see HIM as her first person on friends and I’m just feeling so much right now bc tbh the chemistry I have with fwb who is enm is eerily similar to the chemistry I had with the one that got away and just seeing him on her fb friends after having been pondering about this similarity in chemistry already is freaking me out.

16-minute read.

pro-West party leader says they met PM Pashinyan and discussed a referendum to solidify Armenia's shift to EU

KHZMALYAN (European Party of Armenia): The referendum is our suggestion and demand. We presented it to Pashinyan and expect a response within a reasonable timeframe. We advised making a public statement soon. A referendum would also make Pashinyan's job easier by allowing the people's will to decide Armenia's direction.
REPORTER: How did Pashinyan respond?
KHZMALYAN: He suggested the meeting be held in a closed format so I can't reveal all details. We hope that our voice, our offer, our demand, was heard. If we do not receive a positive response, we will take measures by employing the same methods currently used by anti-European forces [the ongoing protests led by pro-Russian ex-regime]. We will take to the streets and demand a referendum for Eurointegration if necessary.
REPORTER: How long are you ready to wait before taking action?
KHZMALYAN: A few months. Georgia will hold parliamentary elections in October, and Moldova will hold a similar Eurointegration referendum - also in October. The U.S. will hold presidential elections in November which will be important for Armenia's future. Even if the worst scenario unfolds in all three countries, Armenia must stand firm and not take a step back. Armenia could become the leader in democracy in all of Eastern Europe if you consider the situation in Georgia, Hungary, and Slovakia [pro-Russia populist leader]. Armenia could receive an unprecedented level of assistance from Europe under those circumstances.
REPORTER: Did Pashinyan say he plans to leave CSTO?
KHZMALYAN: We did not demand specific dates but we urged him to complete all these processes this year, preferably by November.
REPORTER: Did Pashinyan agree?
KHZMALYAN: The participants of the meeting are under the impression that we were able to present convincing arguments but time will show what actions he takes. The government functions very poorly but nevertheless, they are doing something, they are taking steps.
REPORTER: On May 9, Bagrat Galstanyan gave Pashinyan 1 hour to resign but it's May 21 and he is still here. Why wasn't the opposition able to remove him?
KHZMALYAN: The 3 former presidents and their surrogate forces, backed by 30 years of power, were unable to bring forward a figurehead, a single ideology, that could win the hearts of the people. They used various political technologies, they switched between black and white robes, and they extended the 1 hour to 7 days, but none of that helped because the Armenian people hate them more than they hate Nikol Pashinyan.
REPORTER: You used to be a lot harsher on Pashinyan but something appears to have changed in your tone after your recent meeting with him. What is the reason?
KHZMALYAN: We were able to present our demands and the timelines to accomplish them. Unlike the archbishop and the former regimes surrounding him, we did not give "one hour" for Pashinyan to accept our demands; we did not make ultimatums. We believe the current government is carrying out and will carry out the will of the people to overcome the status of a Russian colony and join the ranks of free nations. We did and do see steps [taken by the government] towards this; we cannot ignore this. We saw the Strassbourg, but also Moscow. We saw the [April 5 meeting in] Brussels, but also [the recent meeting between FMs in] Almaty. We are told this is an attempt to "balance" and we understand where they are coming from, but our factions speak on behalf of over 60% of Armenians who view Russia's policies as deadly for Armenia. We expect concrete actions and we have formed a platform to continue this work; there will be petitions and other actions from us. We are ready to assist Pashinyan, who may be constrained due to ongoing negotiations, by being the public voice and saying the things he cannot say. We will continue to work, to pressure, to influence, to demand. Our meetings also continue abroad. We will press on until we reach our goal - the Eurointegration of Armenia. //
Several prominent Western-oriented political parties recently formed an alliance to promote Armenia's Eurointegration.
video,

Pashinyan appoints a ruling party member as a deputy head of the newly formed Foreign Intelligence Service - the Armenian "CIA"

After the 2020 war, Pashinyan said Armenia will need a modern intel agency to gather information and analyze foreign threats, while the NSS -- described as historically a "pro-Russian" agency by many -- will focus on internal matters.
source,

Pashinyan met the deputy head of the United States CIA to discuss bilateral, international, and regional issues

A delegation led by David Cohen is in Yerevan. Cohen also met NatSec Armen Grigoryan.
source, source,

Armenia's Investigative Committee chief hosted U.S. Deputy Assistant Secretary in the Bureau of International Narcotics and Law Enforcement Affairs

Qyaramyan and Yoder discussed bilateral cooperation, the recent retraining for Armenian agents and technical assistance, cooperation between law enforcement agencies of Armenia and the United States, anti-narcotrafficking, and the fight against gender-based violence.
Yoder also met Armenia's Interior Minister Ghazaryan to discuss the ongoing police reforms and formation of new divisions, the fight against narco-trafficking, technical assistance for rescuers, and retraining courses. Yoder emphasized effective cooperation, noting that the achievements within the framework of sectorial reforms are exceptional. The US wants to expand the agenda of cooperation.
source, source,

Armenian army officers continue to take part in NATO exercises titled Regex 2024 held in Moldova

GOOGLE TRANSLATE: The exercise is organized with the support of the NATO Joint Forces Command in Naples, Italy, and aims to train the military according to Western standards for planning and conducting exercises, crisis management, strengthening and assessing the level of interoperability of forces in a multinational environment.
We remind you that the exercise "Regex 2024" consists of several workshops during the current year. The first workshop took place between February 16 and March 1, and the second between 22 − April 26, 2024. //
source, source,

NATO and Armenia strengthen cooperation in defense education

Armenia's defense ministry representatives recently visited NATO headquarters to discuss NATO’s Defence Education Enhancement Programme (DEEP) for Armenia.
NATO: The DEEP programme is an excellent tool to support Armenian military education system reforms and strengthen the country’s cooperation with NATO.
ARMENIA: With the support of DEEP experts we implemented major changes in all levels of our educational curriculum at Military Academy, starting from cadets up to the most senior levels. It helped us to establish cooperation with many international partner institutions.
source,

Armenia is an emerging destination for UK and global investors: Armenia's Ambassador to London Business Matters

👔 Armenia is committed to building a knowledge-based, export-oriented, and inclusive economy.
👔 Armenia is diversifying its growing economy with pioneering sectors, creating ample investment opportunities.
👔 Armenia’s investment legislation grants equal treatment to foreign investors
👔 There are no restrictions on remittances and repatriation of profits, free exchange of foreign currencies and no limitations on staff recruitment
👔 The country’s favorable business climate and ‘open-door’ policy is also reflected in international reputable rankings where Armenia is ranked one of the highest in the region.
👔 Although Armenia has a relatively modest internal market, it offers different models of economic cooperation and serves as a gateway to major world markets
👔 Armenia has maintained a high level of cooperation with the EU through CEPA
👔 Armenia and UK will soon have a CEPA-like agreement
full article, source,

Turkey modernizes an Azerbaijani Su-25ML jet with guided bombs and Teber missiles

It uses KGK laser guidance for missiles and increases the reach to 110 km.
source,

Pashinyan's Chief of Staff hosted the French Ambassador to discuss defense, economy, infrastructure, and humanitarian topics

... also the upcoming events dedicated to the 100th anniversary of Charles Aznavour.
source,

Parliament Speakers of Armenia and Ukraine discuss the situation in the South Caucasus and Ukraine

source,

Q&A with ruling party MP Vahagn Alexanyan about the ongoing protests led by pro-Russian opposition

REPORTER: You continue to criticize the "holy movement"...
ALEXANYAN: The what now?
REPORTER: ... the "holy movement", by calling it a "pagan" movement. What is the ruling party's stance and do you discuss this internally?
ALEXANYAN: Of course we do, although I don't think Kocharyan's decision to name this movement "holy" is helping them. It's comical.
REPORTER: Do you have proof that Bagrat srbazan is [tied with Kocharyan]?
ALEXANYAN: Bagrat Galstanyan is surrounded by the entire political team of Robert Koharyan, he was a member of Kocharyan's 2022 protests and gave similar speeches he gives today, he received a praise from Russian propagandists, and he was named by a Russian propagandist Aram Gabrielyanov as a potential candidate for a new protest movement just a few months prior to these events, so it's beyond reasonable doubt that Bagrat Galstanyan is part of Kocharyan's team.
REPORTER: You were earlier accusing Galstanyan of being a Russian agent, and now Kocharyan's agent?
ALEXANYAN: Same thing.
REPORTER: The opposition gathered many thousands of supporters on May 9. What does the size of the crowd indicate?
ALEXANYAN: It was similar to Kocharyan's final rally before the 2021 elections. And?
REPORTER: The opposition created a video of "Pashinyan's lies" and broken promises. Will you respond?
ALEXANYAN: The clip itself is a lie and manipulation. For example, one of the supposed lies was Pashinyan's promise of an amnesty for overdue fines and penalties. You are a journalist, you tell me, was there an amnesty or not?
REPORTER: Pashinyan had also said that POWs could wait "just a few more months" and that he wouldn't "sacrifice Armenia's sovereignty" in exchange for bringing them back sooner. Why aren't they back?
ALEXANYAN: Dozens of POWs returned home in December, and efforts continue to bring back the rest. Literally 1-2 days before the POWs' return, the opposition claimed that the POWs were "forgotten" by the government. "Ոչ մի բան չեք անում:"
REPORTER: What about the Nagorno-Karabakh leadership?
ALEXANYAN: There are efforts to return them as well.
REPORTER: Why did the police form a wall to block entry to village Kirants [for nonresidents]?
ALEXANYAN: I think the NSS said they had to take action to prevent interference with the border work. From what I can tell, the protest leader himself went there yesterday and returned only 15 minutes later so there wasn't a big desire to stay there apparently.
REPORTER: They plan to hold a big rally on May 26 where they might nominate Bagrat srbazan as the PM's candidate to replace Pashinyan.
ALEXANYAN: Why not go straight for [alleged narco baron] Mihran Poghosyan [who publicly praised the protests]?
REPORTER: There appears to be a consensus around Bagrat srbazan after a meeting between several forces.
ALEXANYAN: Consensus minus one, where "minus one" is the people. Or to be more precise, "minus two", because the Constitution also prohibits Bagrat from serving as a prime minister. Congratulations on an initiative that's dead on arrival. It's absurd. They suggested replacing the Constitution to allow a dual citizen to serve as PM. Okay... To get Canadian citizenship you have to take an oath to serve the best interests of Canada. To allow dual citizens to serve as PM in Armenia we have to accept for the PM to have loyalty towards another state. The alternative is for the candidate [Bagrat] to admit that his word [oath to Canada] wasn't worth a dime. Երևի մատերը խաչ արած ա երդվել։
REPORTER: But don't you think you are manipulating because Galstanyan received Canadian citizenship just to be able to serve in the church in Canada? He didn't go there to live or conduct business.
ALEXANYAN: It doesn't matter why he went to Canada. He is a citizen of Canada and took an oath. Even religious leaders with dual citizenship cannot become prime ministers. I don't have an issue with him being a dual citizen, but it limits his office options. He still hasn't renounced his Canadian citizenship even after all these talks about a possible nomination.
REPORTER: Galstanyan said he is ready to renounce it as soon as there is a need for it.
ALEXANYAN: In other words, he seeks "guarantees" that he will be the candidate in order to renounce it?
full,source, source,

opposition churchman Bagrat Galstanyan demands the Armenian government compensate the damage done to the church during USSR and "return" the properties "legally belonging" to the church

This was said as a response to the critics of the church leadership who accused the church of turning into a political party and suggested taxing the church like a business.
BAGRAT: We have 19th-century churches that were forcefully confiscated and turned into ruins. The properties of the Armenian church must be returned to the church. The area of Moscow Cinema belongs to the church, half of the Katoghike Church was demolished and belongs to the church, and part of the items in Matenadaran were taken away from the church. Instead of threatening us with taxes, they must think about how they plan to return our properties, fully renovated and ready for service.
source,

the church is actually paying taxes but they do have some exemptions

The church paid $1 million in income taxes last year.
There are tax exemptions to import certain goods deemed for charity. They also don't pay property tax, and taxes on income generated from the sales of ceremonial accessories. The latter two are the frequent targets of church critics.
source,

Armenia's Constitutional Court has a vacant seat. Pro-Russian opposition criticizes Pashinyan's ruling party for favoring a "George Soros-linked" judge who worked for U.S. State Department.

A Serj-era judge is leaving the Constitutional Court after receiving a job offer elsewhere so one seat is vacant. It is the judiciary's turn to nominate a CC judge, so hundreds of judges recently held a meeting and voted for Judge Balayan as their candidate. Balayan's father was a CC judge during Kocharyan's tenure. He was accused in the Wikileaks report of having inappropriate deals with President Kocharyan. Pashinyan's ruling party did not vote to approve Balayan. This led to a second gathering of hundreds of judges where they voted to nominate Judge Khachaturyan as their candidate. The parliament summoned him for Q&A on Tuesday.
SPEAKER: We invite the representative of the judiciary to present their nominee for CC.
JUDICIARY REP: 267 judges voted. Judge Davit Khachaturyan, a member of the Criminal Chamber of the Court of Cassation, won the majority votes.
2000-2005: [blah blah blah]
2003-2006: Legislative Assistance Project Manager at Southern Caucasus Anti-Drug (SCAD) Program, sponsored by European Union and implemented by United Nations Development Program
2006: Program Assistant at U.S. Embassy in Armenia, Bureau for International Narcotics and Law Enforcement Affairs (INL)
2007-2013: U.S. Embassy in Armenia, U.S. Department of Justice (DOJ), Legal Specialist
2014: Academy of Justice of the Republic of Armenian-Russian, Vice-Rector and Lecturer
2015-2016: Council of Europe Office in Yerevan, Program “Strengthening Health Care and Human Rights Protection in Prisons in Armenia”, Legal Expert
2016: EU project “Development and Strategic Studies”, Expert on Judiciary and Human Rights field reforms
2015-2017: EU project “ENP Progress Reports and Assessment Reports on Armenia´s Compliance with GSP+ obligations”. Expert on Rule of Law/Justice.
2013–2020: Law Faculty of Yerevan State University. Lecturer. Development and teaching of courses for the Master Program: “European Standards for the human rights protection in criminal proceedings”, and “Professional Skills of a Lawyer”
etc.
OPPOSITION MP: The ruling faction earlier chose not to confirm the appointment of Judge Davit Balayan; they obviously prefer Davit Khachaturyan. Can you explain why you didn't mention that Khachaturyan served on the board of directors and later as the president of the board at George Soros's Armenia-based Open Society Foundations? How will this record impact his work at CC?
JUDICIARY REP: I presented parts of his professional activities available on the court's public platforms. You can ask the candidate directly.
OPPOSITION MP: The Soros Foundation publicly listed him as a member so I don't understand why it's being hidden now. In your opinion, how will his work at the Soros Foundation affect his impartiality?
JUDICIARY REP: The majority of judges chose him and it's up to Parliament whether to confirm or reject.
RULING MP: Was the voting held in a closed session or can you see how each judge voted?
JUDICIARY REP: It's a closed format. My duty here is to present the candidate. [basically, leave me alone I'm just doing my job]
RULING MP: Why not make the court voting and internal discussions more transparent for the public to see so we will have fewer conspiracy theories on why one judge was preferred over the other?
JUDICIARY REP: I share the view that it needs to be as public as possible but the majority of judges voted to keep the session closed to the press.
RULING MP: Just because the discussions and the vote were behind closed doors that doesn't mean it was anti-democratic, but still, it's better to publicize the process. We hope to see a change in this approach.
JUDICIARY REP: The ballot casting will always be secret and I think that's the right approach in order to allow judges to express themselves without constraints, but I agree that the discussions and speeches should be public. Either way whatever we discuss behind closed doors always reaches the press so in practice there isn't really a major transparency issue there.
CANDIDATE KHACHATURYAN: First, every part of my biography has always been public and part of public discussions. Second, I have always voted in favor of making internal discussions open to the press; it's the best way to avoid incorrect assumptions. Full speech here.
OPPOSITION MP: Congratulations. The ruling party intends to approve your candidacy just as they voted for you in the past for other positions. In all of those instances, you didn't mention your work at the Сорос Foundation. Now, a very interesting coincidence [drumroll... are you guys ready for this bombshell?], during the same time while you worked at Сорос foundation, in 2006-2013, you were also a U.S. Embassy employee [got 'em]. //
Nikol Pashinyan has resigned.
Tavush stretches all the way to Russia.
Bagrat srbazan becomes the Supreme Leader of Historical Soil & Water and the Generalissimos of Slow-Melting Candles... and of course removes the speed cameras from highways.
OPPOSITION MP (continues): With this biography, how do we know you are not an agent of foreign influence?
CANDIDATE KHACHATURYAN: I was not an "employee" at the Soros Foundations. Other famous figures have served on the Board [mentions a famous doctor]. Everyone who was part of the Board had duties but it was not really an "employment". As for my simultaneous work with the U.S. Justice Department, there was no conflict with my membership or presidency at the Board because the latter was fully a public activity and we were only given a symbolic sum to compensate for our expenses; we are talking about less than $100/mo. I will let you be the judge regarding an agent of influence. There is a lot that's missing from my biography that was read here [lists some boring constitutional research work, etc.].
OPPOSITION MP: You keep being "promoted" by the ruling party without having the chance to finish your terms. The longest job you've ever held was at the Сорос Foundation - 8 years. The brother of the head of the Anti-Corruption Committee, who is about to join the CC, cannot be impartial. Again, what guarantees can you present that you are not a [Western] agent?
CANDIDATE KHACHATURYAN: Your expectation for guarantees stems from the assumption that the [Open Society Foundations] were engaged in activities other than the ones they were actually engaged in. I won't present any "guarantees" because there is no "threat" to begin with. As I've said, that part of my biography has always been discussed publicly and the activities were public and covered by the press.
RULING MP: In your speech you spoke about the judiciary in the U.S. and brought examples. The U.S. doesn't have a Constitutional Court. Don't you think we should also merge the Constitutional and [Cassations Court] with the upcoming referendum to have one Supreme Court with corresponding chambers?
CANDIDATE KHACHATURYAN: I support having one unified body like in the U.S., or clarifying the duties to prevent each body from interfering with the other. Lengthy answer.
OPPOSITION MP: A person [in Kirants] received permission [from USSR] to build a house and live in it. Then the [Armenian] government told him there was a mistake [after the clarification of borders]. Some 50 years after this incident, what would your verdict be in this case?
CANDIDATE KHACHATURYAN: I understand the context. This issue is the task of the Prime Minister and Foreign Minister and we cannot interfere in each other's institutions. I assume there will be a peace agreement eventually that will be sent to the Constitutional Court for examination, therefore I will refrain from making prejudgments now in order to be allowed to take part in future processes.
full video, source, source,

anti-corruption: Armenian authorities conclude that luxury Dubai property belonging to former regime MP's relative was not obtained illegally by him therefore will not be seized as part of an asset forfeiture case

Mher Sedrakyan (Tokhmakhi Mher) is a Serj-era MP whose family is going through an asset forfeiture case worth ֏7.5 billion ($19.3 million) that includes 22 real estate properties, cars, and company shares registered under his name and the names of immediate family members.
Additionally, investigative journalists recently found a luxury property in Dubai registered under the ex-MP's relative. Authorities have concluded that he is not the true ownebeneficiary of this Dubai apartment, therefore it won't be seized.
source,

the army concludes exercises for commanders

Context in May 14 news digest. The defense ministry says they have noted improvements and deficiencies and will take steps to correct them.
source,

Defense Minister Papikyan visited the frontlines and the newly built fortifications: PHOTO

The army continues to dig, asphalt, and build.
source,

Armenia's Foreign Minister met the head of the International Atomic Energy Agency during an international forum

ROSSI: Effective cooperation has been established between Armenia and the IAEA. We discussed several issues on the bilateral agenda, oncology and radiation medicine, safety, and reliable operation of the Armenian NPP.
MIRZOYAN: We plan to extend the lifespan of Metsamor NPP until 2036 while exploring new opportunities.
source,

Armenian lawyers went on strike on Tuesday to protest a bill that would move them from a turnover tax-based system to a VAT-based taxation

Context on the gray economy and why the government wants to gradually abolish the turnover tax system in May 2 news digest.
A group of lawyers said on Tuesday that their 5% turnover tax [for annual turnover under ֏119M] will become 10% this year, and in 2025 they will be required to switch to a 20% VAT/18% profit tax. The cost of legal services for many clients could increase by over 38%, they warned.
The Ombudsman and the Justice Ministry reportedly oppose this bill by the Finance Ministry.
source, source, source, source,

video shows the new payment terminals in Yerevan subway station

They plan to replace all gates next month. The Soviet-era tokens (zheton) are being replaced with QR codes, an app, and later - bank cards.
All stations will have payment terminals to purchase QR tickets. It prints out a paper with QR. Telcell's app lets you buy a ticket and instantly get a QR on the phone's screen.
Seniors who can't use "high-tech" can approach the token sellers and get a QR paper instead of a token.
video,

Yerevan will host an exhibition on Charles Aznavour’s 100th anniversary

Hundreds of rare artifacts will present the life and legacy of the legendary artist.
Location: National Museum-Institute of Architecture
Date: May 22-July 22
source,

Germany wants to purchase an Armenian man

Dortmund Borussia is interested in the services of Armenian national Edward Spertsyan as a replacement for departing Marco Reus.
During this season, midfielder Spertsyan has played 32 matches, scored 11 goals, and made 7 assists. His ass is worth €18 million.
source,

leaders #science #paper #hardware #event #feature #release #update #tool #scheduled

Yann LeCun underscores the significance of possessing a mental model of the world to plan a sequence of actions that fulfill a goal [1]. He also stresses the importance of high-bandwidth sensory input for effective communication, suggesting that text alone may not be sufficient for conveying information accurately [2]. LeCun has been discussing his proposed architecture JEPA, which he admits is challenging to implement [3]. He points out that generative architectures like Auto-Regressive LLMs are effective for text due to its discrete nature, but for continuous and high-dimensional signals like images and videos, joint embedding architectures (JEPA) are more effective [4].
LeCun criticizes the notion of measuring intelligence based on a single ability, using the examples of a chess-playing gadget and a symbolic manipulation program to illustrate his point [5]. He differentiates between retrieval and intelligence, emphasizing the importance of "innovative intelligence" in finding new solutions to novel problems [6]. LeCun believes that achieving Artificial General Intelligence (AGI) will not be a singular event, but rather a continuous progress towards more capable AI systems in various domains [7].
NVIDIA and Dell are partnering to transform enterprises at Dell Technologies World, an event showcasing the latest innovations in AI, multicloud, edge computing, and more [8]. NVIDIA is offering free certification opportunities at the event and focusing on generative AI, cloud services, AI enterprise solutions, and accelerated computing platforms [8]. The event will take place at The Venetian, Las Vegas, Nevada from May 20-23, with the keynote on May 20 at 10:00 a.m. PT [8].
Groq Inc is planning to increase their throughput daily to accommodate paid tier access, which will be available next month [9]. The company highlights the efficiency and speed boost achieved by using LPUs that act as routers and contain their own memory [10]. Groq Inc has been working hard on their enterprise program, establishing tiered services with a scheduled launch in June [11]. They have also shared educational content featuring solutions powered by Groq and LangGraph [12].
A detailed analysis of API providers for Llama 3 Instruct (70B) across performance metrics including latency, throughput, and price benchmarks providers such as Microsoft Azure, Amazon Bedrock, Groq, Together.ai, Perplexity, Fireworks, Deepinfra, Replicate, and OctoAI [13]. Groq and Fireworks are highlighted as the fastest providers in terms of throughput, while Groq and Deepinfra are noted as the most cost-effective providers [13].
1. Yann LeCun @ylecun https://twitter.com/ylecun/status/1792091888905851069
2. Yann LeCun @ylecun https://twitter.com/ylecun/status/1792106090135519732
3. Yann LeCun @ylecun https://twitter.com/ylecun/status/1792111543657672826
4. Yann LeCun @ylecun https://twitter.com/ylecun/status/1792112916302373247
5. Yann LeCun @ylecun https://twitter.com/ylecun/status/1792113984096665877
6. Yann LeCun @ylecun https://twitter.com/ylecun/status/1792115601193742596
7. Yann LeCun @ylecun https://twitter.com/ylecun/status/1792241250759774603
8. NVIDIA AI @NVIDIAAI https://twitter.com/NVIDIAAI/status/1792238797326786789
9. Groq Inc @GroqInc https://twitter.com/GroqInc/status/1792062249638732002
10. Groq Inc @GroqInc https://twitter.com/GroqInc/status/1792280209275687265
11. Groq Inc @GroqInc https://twitter.com/GroqInc/status/1792321572331458831
12. Groq Inc @GroqInc https://twitter.com/GroqInc/status/1792322151120339054
13. Groq Inc @GroqInc https://twitter.com/GroqInc/status/1792322933211509200

As we're preparing for The Final Shape, I wanted to take a few minutes to look back on the year of LF, from its rocky start to Into the Light, and ask: for each season, what was your favorite thing or what did you like?
For me, it was
Defiance: Avalon mission

• While the exotic didn't shake up the sandbox, I liked the "hidden puzzle" aspect of finding the nodes in the EDZ, going into the Vex network.
  
• It was nice having a nice callback/resolution to Ashir Mir and his story (we finally got to see his metaphorical lake).
  
• The mission could be a slog on Legend, which turned a lot of people off to it
  

Deep: Deep Dives

• I really like the idea of the progressing difficulty.
  
• The buffs to choose along the way were cool too - pick something that more fits in my playstyle, and helps keep subsequent playthroughs less repetitive.
  

Witch: The Tarot Deck

• While probably a controversial pick, I loved the idea of the Tarot Deck because it felt a way to have "random" buffs/modifiers each time you entered the activity. The downside was memorizing the names/symbols, but it was cool to customize the pool of buffs based on your playstyle.
  
• Shoutout to Imbaru Engine because I love puzzles, and that was a fun one to progress.
  

Wish: The Coil

• Echoing Deep Dives, I love the "progressively harder" activity - AND it feels super rewarding. Getting into that chest room was very satisfying and provided an abundance of endgame materials.

What were your highlights from each season?

I fell out of interest in SV for a few months and came back this past weekend. Today, I was chucking some interesting monsters leftover from a give@w@y onto the surprise tr@de.
And I was mildly bummed out.
Why? Because about a quarter of the monsters I recieved in return were lvl 100 perfect IV genned shinies from various websites.
I used to not mind the obvious genned monsters so much since they usually carried a masterball or ability patch, but the item printer has significantly reduced their rarity. Also, genned monsters would show up in the surprise tr@de maybe every twenty tr@des or so.
But now the high volume of them frustrates me. It means a quarter of my cool monsters aren't going to actual players who might appreciate them. They're just going to some mindless machine that spits out genned monsters into the aether.
I guess this is just a symptom of the playerbase shrinking, but it's still sad to see.
^{I apologize for the @ symbols but the AutoMod is very discriminating against posts using certain words.}

I don’t want to rant out of frustration but this may go there. I also have a few sincere questions out of concern and need for my own awareness. I started selling in 2011 and was an early ambassador (lol when it meant something and you had to be accountable and apologize for selling a swimsuit that was nwot to earn that status) so I’ve seen some things…
like when all party invites came from that one poor employee who the newb karens ripped to shreds because they did not understand how automated invites worked or that they could unsubscribe from emails. LOL.
I never dreamt I would see the romper room messy bs that these live shows have brought. Holy untreated mental illness Batman. I have read up on changes to the algo and pretty much the basics of how to please the gods and things are going decently. If anyone reads this and wants to mentor me counsel me or offer tips grace or support I’d honestly welcome it. But wow I’ve been blown away at the expectations of people. And at some of the low key judgment toward resellers. Why is that? It’s kind of amazing the way that this platform has lost a sense of decorum I’m guessing due to the lack of support for sellers. Buyers are privy to way more information about most of these items than they are what they buy online and even in some stores. Yet ask questions of sellers that are so out of pocket and with very little frame of reference. So many aspects of clothing are subject to wearer that it’s difficult to answer things like “how does this fit” and that’s a fave. When a stock photo and measurements are given? Figure it out! 🤦‍♀️ if you’re short it’s prob gonna be long hun. And I do NOT talk like that. But a few days back on this app of getting questions like “is that the sheen on the pants or do they fit that tight” when the measurements, stock photos, fabric content and multiple other photos of the fabric in various lighting are listed. I feel like adults should be able to not have to make me ask them how thick their thighs are and compare it to the measurement in the listing for them. That is my time and it is worth money. Sorry but that’s just capitalism? I did not choose it. I’m sorry these basic skills are so allusive. People literally don’t know how to measure their own clothes and compare though?
Is this the experience others have had in current years and how do you handle these people who seem to not understand how clothes work?
Then there are the people who repeatedly make the same lowball offer. And insist on commenting that they made an offer when the offer was extremely low. I’ve got one who I want to block because she’s being rude about it and in her about section it says “NOT a reseller just selling clothes my family doesn’t wear anymore.” That’s technically reselling babe. When did the virtue signaling like begin??. And if it’s some “I have a real job” flex that is for one thing extremely ableist and I would like to say check your privilege to anyone in that camp before you come at me. She has had time to comment on my listing all day demanding I respond to her offer and give more info. 🧐 Not a reseller yet she has been on here for several years and has made over 600 sales. Cool beans tell me more. Ok now I’m ranting sorry.
I have gotten so many questions that could have been answered so much faster had they googled it or by using that handy image search function. Or by searching for similar listings and seeing that info listed elsewhere. I realize this makes me sound like a lazy or unresponsive/bad seller but I’ve just been swamped since getting my closet back up and going. That definitely does not mean I’m rolling in sales. I have not bought bots I’m trying to just get measurements on all the listings and develop my inventory. Again. People seem to behave like they are helpless and are impatient with their questions. Is it the clientele these days? Is it because they can? Am I the problem lol Will it get better or do I need to resign? Why does it seem like even the people who sell don’t have empathy for fellow sellers like they used to? How do they draw a line between seller and reseller if they literally are making offers to these resellers reaping the benefits of their work? We are all trying our best because we literally need money to survive. Why do these people act like we owe them so much of our time when they aren’t even going to make a purchase? That screen sure ups the audacity. Poshmark has strayed so far from where it started. But the utter lack of altruism. It feels like I’ve only encountered trolls since my return.

Something I was thinking about when I watched the final moments of the most recent EFAP was Mauler’s observation that the internet content creator landscape used to be different when AVGN clones ruled Youtube and his question of how that shifted into video essayists and commentary channels. I thought about that for a while and I thought of some reasons why the landscape changed that I would like to share.
Managers
Something that people might not be aware of is how many Youtubers have people managing their content in the form of things like setting up brand deals and other services that I am not familiar with. Some of them are very public about what they do, some of them are more private. The important thing is how managers worked in the past.
One thing that I liked about Machinima, ScrewAttack, and Channel Awesome that the creators probably didn’t like is that they forced the older creators to stick to a set schedule of uploads and some of them forced creators to follow a set formula. This meant that the manager would make sure that if a creator uploaded a video every Friday at 2pm, they would have an upload every single Friday at 2pm.
How would this work if the creator wanted to take a week off? Well, the creator would have to have a video to upload in advance. What if the creator wanted to spend 3 weeks on a super-duper big video? Well, they could absolutely do that, but it would be a passion project and they’d still have to follow the set schedule for regular uploads.
This created a content landscape that I actually enjoyed a lot as a consumer because it’s probably the way it should be for reviewers. Every week, or every day in rare cases, a movie reviewer would need to review a different movie, which meant that a reviewer might have to force themselves to sit through a movie they don’t want to see like Fifty Shades Of Grey to give it a chance to subvert their expectations and earn a glowing review, or dig deep to find a new indie movie to review to fill that quota if they really didn’t want to sit through Fifty Shades Of Grey.
The promise of Patreon and creators becoming more independent was that creators would exclusively make videos on topics they wanted to do, but I personally think that was the wrong way to go. I’ve maintained a position that I prefer it when content creators are encouraged, or even forced, to talk about things that they don’t want to talk about because oftentimes that’s when reviewers are most interesting. Some of my favorite Roger Ebert reviews were when he reviewed a children’s movie like Space Jam or Pokemon: The First Movie, and some of my favorite Zero Punctuation reviews are when he has to pick out a random indie game and commit to reviewing it regardless of what the indie game turned out to be, like when he reviewed Hell Pie.
What I think has happened is that the lack of managers has encouraged content creators to upload whatever they want, whenever they want, which has usually translated to videos about ‘easy’ topics, like videos about Disney movies, being uploaded weeks, or even months, apart, which has made the content creation landscape, at least for reviewers, a lot less interesting, and a lot less engaging.
It’s actually one of the reasons why EFAP has been losing my interest lately, because although they upload a stream every week the topics they choose are generally ‘easy’ topics because I genuinely think the hosts don’t have the ability to make an EFAP on something more obscure, or even just ‘difficult’ like Baby Reindeer, very interesting, or they just won’t do streams on those topics because, as Rags said: “This is our show, and we can do whatever the fuck we want.”
Honestly, my hot take is that I liked you better when you couldn’t do whatever the fuck you wanted all of the time. In fact, one of my favorite Rags moments on EFAP was when he clearly didn’t want to be involved with the debate with Twin Perfect.
Sponsors
I remember the Adpocalypse and how Youtubers transitioned to sponsors over relying heavily on ad-revenue. What that event transpired into is that audiences were far more accepting of basically any form of making money that Youtubers would use. Patreon became a very dominant part of Youtube, but sponsors also became extremely common and audiences would even cheer in the comment sections when creators would have their first Raid: Shadow Legends sponsorship.
Sponsors are what I want to talk about because I have seen Youtubers show that they have a bunch of videos on their computer that they simply aren’t releasing to the public because they don’t want to upload a single video without a sponsor on their main channel, as well as Youtubers having a second channel where they upload ‘slop’ content without sponsors that most of their audience is usually unaware of or isn’t interested in.
The problem is that the appeal for pretty much all content on Youtube is the personalities of the people creating the content, which is less about the actual personalities and more like “That’s an actual person doing what they actually want to do, that’s so cool,” but that is usually undercut by the presence of sponsors. The fact that Youtubers will sit on a video they made and not upload it unless they can get a sponsor to pay for it always seemed strange to me, especially for Youtubers where the image they present is “I’m just a normal, chill guy who makes Youtube videos for fun,” which needs the caveat of “Uhhhh, I’m actually really poor and if I don’t take this BetterHelp sponsor I can’t afford my rent this month. Please understand, I’m barely making any money on Youtube,” when a sponsor is included in the video.
As weird as this sounds, there are communities of creatives online that don’t expect to ever make any money putting hours, days, weeks, months, and years of work into a project. There are modding communities, bloggers, game developers, fanfiction writers, and artists that only want comments saying “You did a good job,” and Youtubers used to be that way, or they used to present themselves that way before sponsors became as common as they are now.
I don’t say this often enough, but I remember when Youtubers would make videos about not just random pictures on Deviantart, but on fanfictions and pornographic videos. They’d do those videos for things like clout, which is something that I don’t see too often on Youtube.
People might say that there are a bunch of Youtubers that talk about obscure media and Youtubers that make things without any expectation of earning money, which I say “Well, yeah, but that’s not what I’m talking about,” and then I’d point to things like AVGN’s Atari Porn video, and old videos where commentary Youtubers would branch out from their niche to say “Hey, just for fun, we’re going to check out this weird fanfiction story,” or how Yahtzee would include fun projects he created at the end of his Zero Punctuation videos, like how he’d dub over scenes in video games like Half-Life and Painkiller, or how he made a slideshow with Garry’s Mod that depicted a love story between Heavy and Medic.
What I’m saying is that a large part of what made Youtube fun was that not every video from an established creator with 100k subscribers needed to be monetized, or even created with the expectation of being successful or well-received by the community. There was a time when the expectations people had for, say, Jim Sterling was for a high-quality Jimquisition video to be produced and uploaded to the main channel once a week, and for the other days to feature a minimally-edited video where he showed himself trying out a game or reacting to a trailer on his main channel.
In the past I said that I would like it if EFAP would talk about comments and read fanfictions on-stream and I was mocked for it, but I stand by that statement because, although EFAP clearly doesn’t want to do it regularly, when they do read comments on-stream it tends to result in some of the best content because it showcases a side to them that I like. Instead of being totally normal dudes talking to each other about a movie they saw or reacting to a video, they have to use text-to-speech or read the comment using a silly voice or, well, use just a little bit of creativity when reading those comments out-loud.
What I’m kinda saying is that, yes, I think we all like professionally-produced content, and we all accept that sponsors for videos are necessary. But, like, I don’t like how for most successful Youtubers only the monetizable content, often with sponsors, is presented on the main channel, while the other content doesn’t exist, is uploaded to a secondary channel, or is locked behind some kind of paywall.
It just feels strange that these normal, chill, relatable people have gotten themselves into a position where they can earn real money, in some cases a lot of money, to stand in front of a webcam for 10 minutes talking about their favorite movies, chat with a group of friends, or even just play their favorite video game, and in quite a few cases they won’t do any of those things unless there’s a way to monetize it. Imagine how it looks to say “Well, I can’t talk about this cool fanfiction story I read on my main channel to my audience that enjoys my content about that franchise because I can’t get a sponsor for it.”
I wonder if Rags, a regular host of EFAP, appreciates the irony of him criticizing Chris Stuckmann for advocating that filmmakers “Get as much time and money as possible to make their films in the ideal circumstances and for the process to be easy,” when he’s in the position that he’s in where, on EFAP, he has as much freedom as he wants in the ideal circumstances to make money with EFAP, and it’s easy, yet he still will complain if he’s asked to step out of his comfort zone, even a little bit, on stream.
Insecurity
A while ago I had a theory about Cancel Culture which was that usually Cancel Culture is incredibly exaggerated by the audience of the people being canceled, and that most of the people being canceled are perfectly fine. The go-to example is the poor lady who made a joke about AIDS before going to Africa that got off the flight and got fired from her job due to her joke going viral. What people often don’t mention is that she got fired because it’s a terrible look for the company’s PR person to be involved with such a massive PR disaster, and that she got hired at another company a very short time later. Plus, like, she made a racist joke and people were calling her a racist, it wasn’t like she was targeted for absolutely no reason.
My theory is that people think that Cancel Culture absolutely ruins the lives of celebrities and influencers online because of their intense reactions to being canceled. An early example being Seth Macfarlane, who was mocked for his poorly-received hosting of the Oscars and who seemed incredibly bitter about it, making Cancel Culture a plot point in multiple episodes of Family Guy, talking about how bitter he was about it in interviews for years, and even apparently getting emotional support from his friends and family after the ordeal, even going as far as to ask celebrities to say “I liked what he did and I thought he was hilarious, and very handsome.”
What I’m saying is that I think that in the early days of content creation on Youtube the people making videos were more willing to appear on camera and embarrass themselves, like with Spoony screaming at a big gaming event on camera, because even though they were aware of Cancel Culture being a thing they weren’t going to be reduced to tears by someone saying “You’re totally cringe and annoying,” and even went as far as to incorporate those kinds of comments into their video because it was extremely easy content to create. You probably know what I’m talking about, where a creator would read out “This content creator is SOOOOOOO CRINGE,” in a video in a silly voice which you can’t really do as easily with “OMG, I love your content,” and make it entertaining.
That’s changed a lot today with content creators seeming to project an extreme amount of insecurity in every video they’re a part of, which gets even worse in formats like podcasts. It feels like every commentary creator is a chill dude that isn’t offended by anything and only wants to have a good time talking about things they like because, well, that’s what they need to be to avoid being criticized too severely, but they constantly allude to being a very immature and thin-skinned person that is mainly concerned about earning money, to the point where they’ll say “I’m not even having fun producing content at all.”
In college I remember one of my professors saying: “When you were high school kids you were insecure and weren’t confident in your abilities enough to volunteer when you were asked. You’re adults now, and when you graduate you can’t do that at a real job. Part of growing up is being confident in yourself, and if you don’t want to do that, you can always work in fast food where you never need to grow up, while the other adults in your friend group are becoming doctors and construction workers.”
It’s something that I realized with Youtubers which is that a decent amount of them started their careers young and never had to ‘grow up’ the way that my professor said that we needed to. Even with millions of subscribers you still see a lot of Youtubers struggle to commit to any statement they make, and I hear “I’m just a dumb Youtuber who doesn’t know anything and is stupid and socially-awkward and is fat and smells bad,” too many times from rich and successful people.
The thing is, when you’re a teenager, or you’re in your 20s, that insecurity is charming and relatable because you're trying to find a place in the world and discovering the role that you will fill in society. But, when you’re 30 and your role is “I tell people about the latest internet drama and make references to Spongebob,” or “I talk about Star Wars for hours at a time,” even if you make $2 million every day there’s likely a part of you that says: “I don’t like who I am. I don’t like what I do for a living. Yes, I’m rich, but I don’t like why I’m rich, and I don’t like my audience.”
I think that this insecurity leads to people trying to make their content more ‘mature’, but the way they do it isn’t by presenting themselves as a more confident person, or by making a clear separation between the personality in their content and their actual personality so that they can have a good work/life balance, it’s by creating the same content with very superficially mature elements. So, you end up with the video essayists of the past that gained fame by describing the events of a movie and then giving their opinion on whether they liked or disliked it doing the same thing but with quotes from smart people, like Socrates, and making conclusions like “Some people are gonna like this movie, some people are going to hate it. The important thing is that everyone involved with this movie tried really hard and had fun.”
The thing is, teenagers and 20-year-olds get value from a relatable person that comes across as an insecure loser who is too afraid to take a proper stance on anything to commit to a statement. When someone is actually mature they find more value in someone who is willing to do a good job and defend the job that they did, even if they’re like Neil Breen who thinks they did a good job but clearly did a terrible job. A 20-year-old might declare that Twin Perfect’s debate with EFAP wasn’t embarrassing because he was just being himself or something, but a 40-year-old might not tell Twin Perfect that the debate was embarrassing, but they would no longer respect him, and I imagine a lot of 40-year-olds don’t respect a lot of Youtube video essayists because of how eager they seem to be to engage in self-deprecation.
Conclusion
Despite everything that I’ve said, I do think that the content landscape on Youtube is generally ‘better’ than it was in, say, 2010. We weren’t getting a 4+ hour video by The Little Platoon about Rebel Moon, for instance, in 2010.
What I would compare modern Youtube and classic Youtube to is the 1970s movie scene vs. the 1980s movie scene, which Quentin Tarantino has labeled as “The worst period in movie history,” which the EFAP crew have pushed back on.
The thing is, in the early 80s we got Blade Runner, in the same way that nowadays we got the 4+ hour Little Platoon video, but the theatrical release of that film was famously sabotaged by the company that wanted Harrison Ford to provide voiceovers for the film that ‘ruined’ it, or at least, ruined the ending of the movie.
Throughout the 80s films were made which satisfied audiences more than films from the 70s did because Spielberg was producing hugely successful films that are still highly regarded, but there was also a bunch of shady practices going on and a bunch of notoriously poor studio decisions made in order to appeal to a wide demographic, such as the fiasco with Supergirl and Masters Of The Universe, or changing the ending of Brazil.
In the 1970s we not only got more challenging films, but there was also a thriving independent cinema scene that gave us Death Race 2000, Eraserhead, THX-1138, and Duel. There was also Jaws, Star Wars, and A Clockwork Orange, which were big-budget movies that took serious creative risks that paid off immensely which just wouldn’t happen in the 1980s, or would happen very rarely.
I think that I do prefer Youtube back in, say, 2015-2017 when it seemed like we generally got the best of both worlds, challenging content about a diverse range of subjects with production values comparable to what we have now.
To close this, I would like to include a paraphrased interaction I saw on a podcast featuring a pretty big Youtuber that I think illustrates why Youtube has changed in the way that it has.
Youtuber: Look, I don’t need to work as hard on my videos now because not every video needs to be an event. I just want to take it easy now, pump out a video whenever I feel like it, get paid by the sponsors, and then spend time with my family, is that so wrong?
Host: It kind of is. I know your audience of teenagers will be like “He just wants to spend time with his family, dude, have a heart,” but a lot of Youtubers, especially younger Youtubers look up to you for inspiration. If you’re in that position and your attitude is “I’m going to half-ass every video that I make from now on and if anyone calls my content lazy I’ll use my 8-year-old daughter as a shield against criticism,” that’s the attitude that a lot of young Youtubers are going to have. They’re going to half-ass their content and when criticized, they’re going to find their own excuse, like “I have a kid now,” or “I have to eat,” or something.
Youtuber: That’s not my fault, though. I never asked to be a role model.
Host: That’s not how that works. You don’t get to decide whether or not people look up to you, have expectations of you, and emulate your approach to content creation. You only release 2-3 videos a year, and with your status every video should be a major event, but instead every video is half-assed, as you admitted, and then you use your daughter as an excuse for why you don’t put as much effort into your content as you used to. I think you need to have someone in your life, like a friend, that actually makes you feel some shame for your content and encourages you to do better, rather than your social circle being composed of supportive people like your family and the people who pay you through Patreon.
Host 2: He did have that. He fired him two years ago, remember?
Host: Oh, yeah, you fired your friend, or made him quit, whatever the story was. Did that not make you feel bad at all?
Youtuber: Friendships end, that’s just life.
Host: That’s the attitude that I hate that comes across in your content. You can’t just brush aside everything and bumble through life, except if you’re an internet personality, apparently.
Host 2: It worked for the MCU.
Host: It’s not working for the MCU anymore, though, and it isn’t working as well for this Youtuber. It’s probably going to get worse and when he decides to do more work and make better videos, like he used to do, it’s probably going to be too late, or he’ll need to make really good videos to get the views he once did.
Youtuber: My videos are really good, though.
Host: You admitted to half-assing them.

No family , no friends and now I know why I have given up more than once before. My wife tells me there were all kinds of birthday wishes on facebook. When it was actually 2 of her friends that I don’t know and one friend that I have known for as long as I have known my wife. I am not out to her.
I am out to nobody but my wife. It’s been a rough few years. Last time(done it a few times) I quit hormones we moved and when I finally realized it’s not going away and HRT had to be permanent, I lost contact with all my close trans friends and now I hate myself.
The guilt my wife makes me feel when I do something towards my transition just brings me so far down I don’t want to wake up in the morning.
My main dysphoria is hair. Any hair drives me nuts. Body hair is manageable with an epilator now that I have been doing it so long. But the face is truly driving me nuts. I am about to do a 3 hour Electrolosis appointment. And adk for forgiveness after. And what do I do instead of focusing on myself. I start a charity. I take money I don’t have so I can get my charity a legally a 501c3 tax exempt status. I don’t know how to run a charity. All I want to do is help others. But I am so sad for myself I can barely keep things afloat.
My wife does not know how to talk to someone. Without seeing all the negatives and none if the good things.
She knows nothing about my charity. And really nothing about my transition. What I do instead of discussing things with her is I just go do it and ask forgiveness later. Told her when I started HRT just enough to get my mind right. Knowing full well I would need enough to make my breasts grow. I knew I wanted full dose including progesterone. If she found out I was taking progesterone. She would want to know why. Not sure she would like it if she knew I wanted big breasts in the first place and that’s what I actually planned. She did not like it when the nipples got Huge but she got used to them.
She keeps saying she is still attracted to me. But she never makes the first move. And when I try she doesn’t want it. Damn I am horny and my libido has not changed. I can still perform well. It sucks so bad.
Got my nails don’t light pink. She made me feel like crap and then the next day got over it. Got my toes white. Gave me crap about them then 30 mins later said she really likes them. She always asks why I want something. I tell her because it makes me happy. She just does not get it at all.
She really does not get why a man like me wants to get my nails done. Yes I said man. If I even tried my female name and pronouns with/around her it would be a big fight.
When all this came to light she told me she likes men. And she is not attracted to women. And not sure she would stay with me if I transitioned fully. So fast forward and no body hair. Painted toes and hands. 38D and still growing. I have way more women’s clothes than male clothes. I wear capris and flip flops almost everyday. I am pretty feminine except for my face. She said she would not stop me but probably won’t stay if I go all the way.
She also said the I can experiment with makeup and get a wig and leave the house en fem if I was going out with other girls. But I know the first time she saw me fully made up it would not be a good experience for me. Already told me I would be an ugly woman. So that’s why I am scared to death to go out fully dressed. Besides I know nobody in Southern California any more to go out with.
You know I would just leave but I do love her very much and I am financially secure with her. I know I would survive without her. But no more vacations and etc. I thought a slow approach would work. It seems it is but the time it is taking is getting to me.
Sorry I am just rambling about things that make no sense. Probably better if I quit existing. No body fucking cares!!

hi, i wanted to ask if groningen is a town where all ages are welcome. i mean i know that sounds weird cause obviously people of all ages live there! but whenever i roam around the streets, i see mostly people who look 25 tops and it made me worry weather if i were to move there longterm, i'd stick out. not on the street i guess? but if i went to events, or parties for example - i'm worrying if young people in groningen are so used to just how young the population is, that they'd look at me and think what is that person doing here or not give a f but there being wayyyyyyyyyyy less groups to join opportunities etc than for the very young people.. and i'm worried about finding friends, too! cause i worry if people in groningen that are over 25/maybe 30, are in small circles and have these friends from primary school that by common prejudice! are said to be a lot of dutch people's few close friendships, and just generally that they're not looking to get to know someone who just came there (whereas younger students i would assume are more interested in that and also often expats themselves even) maybe this sounds dumb to some but please be nice..
i also have some of these thoughts because a dutch guy who lives in groningen told me when they were 24, that for groningen they'd be "old" and how incredibly young groningen is etc, and because in the groningen-group on facebook it also seems like most people moving there are like 18-22.. so if you have experiences to share or maybe encouraging words or so, that'd be really cool

I grew up homeschooled, with four siblings in the house but I still spent every minute alone that I could get. Psychologically I might as well be an only child. My mom recently told me she used to think I didn't like her because I never wanted to spend time with her, or anyone. Now that I have a job I keep being surprised at what a drive my coworkers have to talk to each other while they work. But I was an obsessive reader, writer, and daydreamer as a kid - I felt like I got to know authors through their writing, I cried over friendships between fictional characters - and in hindsight I think I did have the same social urge other people have, but for some reason I tried to fulfill it in a distant and imaginary way through stories, while rejecting the real people all around me.
I've always thought people were made for love, but I'm getting so tired of leaving the house and interacting with them. I can see so much in them that would be incredibly lovable if I could just be invisible and observe them, like a reader observing characters in a book. But they talk to me and I have to figure out a response in real time, and with all the noise and my hearing problems and stress and tiredness (but I'm only 25 and single with no kids, so I don't know what real stress and tiredness are), I'm two steps away from shutting down. I wish I could just look at my basic job with tunnel-vision and get through the work day asleep. But it eats away at me when I know someone is working with me who wants to talk, when I know I'm not being receptive enough as a listener, when I know my silence is contagious and silence is miserable for most of the people at my workplace. I'm terrible to be around and once I thought so hard about this that I cried in front of people at work, thus making myself even more terrible to be around.
I recently started working with someone who's not a good worker, but was actually fun for me to talk to. She was goofy, smart, upfront about her life and had some things in common with me. I thought this was a potential friend and I came on too strong. Now I'm embarrassed, think maybe she doesn't actually want someone as lame and awkward as me to keep taking the initiative to talk to her, so I've stopped taking the initiative. I even failed completely to acknowledge her several times today (we're working in different areas now but passed each other by several times). But she's mentioned having no friends, she invited me to friend her on Facebook, maybe she will be perceiving this as a potential cool friendship ruined and wonder why I'm doing it, maybe I'm making her hate herself.
I don't want to have to go to work again and either face her or not face her tomorrow. There are several other coworker relationships that make me want to quit when I think about them. There are perfectly good people that I actually like and yet, without wanting to, I keep acting as though I dislike them.
If I hadn't been homeschooled I would have been through all this in middle school and might have a better idea how to handle it. But I spent too much time alone in a house doing nothing, and I want to go back to that. I want to be forgotten by everyone. I hate showing up at work and in society again and having to be forgiven for whatever fuckup I'll make today. I hate hurting people by being there. I hate the selfish worrying about what they think of me, but I can't stop. I really, really badly want people to like me, but they are so exhausting it makes me want to go live in a hut in the woods.

I found out my old best friend from high school (a little over a decade ago) died in a way we had extensively talked about. I had even bought him a necklace that was “protective” from that. I had a very dramatic response. It’s been months of intense crying and I just couldn’t get any ground to stand on with my grief. I finally reached out to another friend to maybe talk through some of it and the past.
After talking about two different things he did to me…I realized I forgot(repressed?) months of memories(the chaotic ones) towards the end. Enough that I even forgot him and I had finally gotten together after years of will they won’t they in a very dramatic way…while also hiding it from everyone that knew us. I think the only proof I have is a photo somewhere of our hidden facebook status change as he hid everything with me and apparently didn’t even talk about me to our other close friends. And then after some months of a stalemate with where we were going with boundaries in our relationship…he came out to me and said he didn’t want me to fall in love with some other guy. That he was in love with me and everything I was but that he couldn’t be with me in the way I needed. He tried to say I could basically cheat on him when I said monogamy was important to me and he was the only person I wanted. We tried to walk it back to friends, but I was pretty messed up after all of that and he still held firm on not wanting to be in my life if there was another guy. I never even got to tell anyone that we were together or else I would have outed him since we were so compatible and people would have questioned it. Through the years I tried to be supportive of his relationship, all of which he ignored. The one time he tried to contact me was a month and a half before my wedding, which now I finally remember why I didn’t invite him. I panicked and did not pick up the phone. I had texted him if he wanted to hang out we should do that sometime. He never contacted me again.
And now I’m just sitting here all wound up, very anxious and shaky after days. I’m kind of scared I forgot some major events between us. I think I just told myself it was all fake on his part. Obviously he hid me for a long time and downplayed it. I kept asking myself why did I feel like I didn’t mean anything to him but what I felt was real? I even very publicly chose him over another guy after they got in a dumb fight over me. I don’t know how to process anything anymore. I loved him with everything in me. I literally held out hope one day we’d still be able to be friends again. I don’t think everything was entirely fake on his end as he kissed me while my nose was running all down my face after that momentous blow up. I don’t think I would have done that. That's pretty much all the humor I can muster.

what is your relationship to shame and guilt?
Used to feel shame for not being able to provide a good experience to people around me. I used to believe that relationships friends or lovers = entertaining each other basically some sort of synergistic experience towards a blissful state. Otherwise I’d rather be by myself and do whatever gives me dopamine/adrenaline on my own typically extreme sports. This isn’t the case anymore. I do feel a degree of shame when I’m with others in public and they have an embarrassing socially awkward demeanor. I never feel much shame about myself and if I feel that way I’ll pause and think of why this is happening and just fix it and move on. No deep shame tbh.
Guilt is very rare. Hurting or disappointing people I love/loved bc of my impulsive immature behaviors. Typically bc I started feeling trapped in a situation where I was making compromises that created resentment. As I want to avoid open confrontation I’d rather try to fix things by myself and then in case of complete failure I’d go cold and annoyed. Kind of a rapid switch in energy leaving the other person confused and hurt. So that’s where my guilt has been “how the fuck did we get to that point”
how about self image?
Some days I’m ego tripping thinking I like to stand out everywhere I go appearing cooler than cool like Hey folks this is me on my little cloud 9 wassup. Most of the time I’m pretty neutral tbh I try to avoid walking around with a resting bitchboy face. I’m already tall and large hair combed back thick beard I found there’s a fine line for me between being intimidating or perceived as arrogant when I’m out here just enjoying my own skin. For the most part I used to be like not my fucking problem if people project whatever and think weird stuff about me but now I’m like fine let’s smile stay cool and relaxed it’s better overall to be liked by surface friends rather than barking around bc it’s a cold world, dog eat dog and all that shit I used to think.
what is your pride like?
Proud of being independent asf - needing nobody - being excellent at preserving my fucks - being naturally stoic. I realize that my level of pride isn’t always healthy. See question above I’m toning it down although I recognize I’m triggered into overly prideful responses sometimes, for the most part when getting questioned as if I were this macho MFer who’s pure bravado or some sort of coverup or tactics I’m using. Nah it was just my nature- that I’m working on to be more tolerant and friendly.
do you have a need to be needed by others? why is this? please explain.
Very rare. Yes, by my partner and that’s been pretty much it. I’m 35 with no kids never even had pets.. I’m reluctant to have responsibilities in general. I’ve been like “what you need me for? Help yourself like I help myself” obviously can’t tell that to a kid or a dog lmao so I thought that this kinda life isn’t for me. Growing up more I’m thinking this isn’t all so black or white.
is it important to achieve and be competent? please explain how this works? why? is hard work and reliability important and why?
I think what’s important is to be consistent so if someone dgaf about achieving or competence it’s all good if they’re cool with their choice conversely if someone is super serious about all that then fine to each their own. For me competence is whatever, it depends on what I prioritize. I like being competent if it serves my end goal which is complete independence from all kinda of societal nonsense. I don’t like working I’m all about trying to outsmart the matrix getting passive $ so I can F off and do whatever I want whenever I want, which has been my life for the past year traveling around enjoying people. Is it an achievement to be free like that, to me absolutely. To my status obsessed parents, not so much. I know my ex couldn’t deal with the lack of predictability. I don’t blame them all it’s how I roll.
do you enjoy awards and recognition of any sort? why? please describe this.
Absolutely not giving a damn about any of this. Not sure why. If someone tells me something nice, compliment recognition whatever I assume they’re sincere and have no deeper thoughts like envy or anything like that. Not overthinking it just thanking them and saying something nice in return but truly I’m my only critic and I’m giving (or not) my own awards.
do you fear abandonment or separation why is that? describe this?
nope. Why: I’ve been left to my own devices as a 12yo when my parents divorced and I had to figure everything out by myself and it turned out ok. As an adult I’ve been through separations and been fine. Fears have never been a big part of my life, it’s been a lot of “Screw it let’s go” then some sort of guilt as per above but rare. I genuinely think that if I had more fears or anxieties or feelings of that sort I’d be more cautious but it’s like my brain doesn’t go there.

Just looking for a general view on voting preference, if it makes a difference or not. Note: no actual prize available. Symbolic victory but mega cool. 😎🤘🏆💥
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