Numb face

This morning i think i yawned and opened my mouth really wide and it started to click. then I ate some food and everytime I took a bite, I heard crunching. Its not painful, and I can open my mouth a bit wider now, but not all the way since I still feel the crunching (kinda like sand, or small particles).
I also feel some tingling in random places near my ear, and on the right half of my face, but its not numb. What does this mean? is it because I yawned? is it serious? is it normal with braces? I am really worried because nothing is painful right now because I haven't tried to open my mouth too much.
Should I go to my worth? or a regular doctor? - should I ask for an x-ray done?
Please, I would appreciate any advice. Just wanna make sure if I should be freaked out or not haha

In 2017 I met my partner and went through a massive spiritual awakening - discovered Jung; experienced unspeakable levels of love, insight, truth, synchronicity- then became scared of how open I felt and worried I would descend into madness. I was 25, about to turn 26. During this time I remember having such symbolic dreams - one in particular when I discovered multiple levels in my apartment building I was living in at the time, went to the top floor and walked in on a party of women with faces painted blue drinking champagne- I went back to my room after the dream and a dog spoke to me (I realise how bizarre this sounds) and said to me “I hope you know all of this is real”
A few months after this I left my home country with my partner, went deep into shadow work (I continue to uncover layers of unconscious, ugliness, power dynamics I participate in, oversensitivity, blind spots) - we began an entirely new life from the ground up, I struggled so much with my identity, finding belonging, yearning for deep connections and to be seen/known for who I truly am; I became a mother 1.5 years ago and that in itself was the most incredible transformation inside and out. Truthfully I have yearned to go back to this place of pure love and bliss I experienced in 2017 when I was just discovering this work. I felt I knew I was on my path.
Fast forward 2024; in a few weeks I will return home for the first time in over 6 years, with my partner and our son. I’ve felt disconnected from my truth at times, numb at times, like I need to resurrect the part of me that is i guess in Jung’s terms, the true self.
And this dream in the title I just had a few nights ago— any idea what it could be symbolizing?

Kadillac Kirk had been a good friend of mine for several years. I had met him through friends from The Spring Stage; and he never had anything to do with The Imp, which is why he didn’t appear in the Married Mary saga. Mary would have totally thrown herself at him, and Kirk would have definitely “thrown it in her.” He loved the ladies and often remarked that there was no such thing as an unappealing woman, nor was there anything sweeter than finding the pearl of passion in an outwardly plain dame. Fortunately for Kirk, he never met Mary. This was probably fortunate for Mary as well, seeing as Kirk was a confirmed bachelor and his rakish nature might have broken her fat heart.
Kirk was an older guy. Not MOE old, though. He was in his early forties, but he easily passed for a carefree dude in his 30s... not that he lied about his age. I only mention this trait to juxtapose Kirk’s genuine youthful air with Moe’s unconvincing youthful farce. Kirk dressed normally, avoided stupid jargon, and never busted out gimmicks like tarot cards or spells. He just existed, behaved affably, and people liked him for it.
He drove a classic 1962 Cadillac El Dorado convertible with red leather interior, and he lived in a charmingly quaint (and ridiculously expensive) neighborhood. How he made his fortune remained a mystery, but he never bloviated about his wealth. He just threw spectacular parties and people showed up. And, to my knowledge, he never tried to lure women into bed with his money (although I’m sure he got his fair share of boom-boom thanks to his digs and his wheels, even if the gold-diggers denied their monetary agendas).
Kirk was legitimately handsome. He was a drummer, he had a full head of black hair, he was clean-shaven, he worked out, and he knew all the hidden gems in Wellsprings. So why hadn’t I tried... or even desired to date him? I don’t know. I just didn’t feel drawn to him like that. He felt like a cool uncle and he had, thus far, never done anything to change my perception. Plus, the age difference weirded me out a little. Kirk didn’t look forty; but knowing that he had so much more life experience than I did created a power imbalance that would have creeped me out if we’d been dating. As buddies, I just felt supremely cool riding in his Cadillac, smoking Fantasia cigarettes, and hitting the speakeasies and jazz clubs I would have never known about if it weren’t for Kirk’s connections.
And he had been a good person to talk to about my romantic woes. He never lecherously suggested that I should date him, and he gave the type of tempered advice that only comes with lived experience. But he often lightly mocked me for my crush on Dennis and he did a hilarious impression of Smegal popping too soon over his “precious.” So when Mary “got me back” by doing whatever she did with to Dennis, I called Kadillac Kirk and told him the drinks were on me if he’d be my designated driver for the night.
Why hadn’t I called Whisky??? Well, A) Kirk was way more fun to hang out with, at least from my past experiences up to that point. And B) I needed to bitch about a boy, something I couldn’t do in good conscience in front of a guy I was dating. So I put on the sexiest plunging halter dress I owned, applied heavy eye makeup and spikey accessories, braved a pair of stilettos, and sashayed out to Kirk’s convertible. I felt like a badass rock star. I probably looked like a try-hard hooker.
Kirk: Daaaaay-um! Somebody really did do a number on you, huh? I know you said you were upset, but the gents are gonna be writing thank you notes to that fat girl and that butt-fucking hobbit.
Me: I just need to feel pretty and numb. And I trust you to keep me from making a fool of myself.
Kirk squeezed my shoulder. “I’ve got you. You do whatever you need to do to get rid of these demons.”
He sparked up a J and offered me the first puff. I gladly accepted. He took one puff of his own, but said that the rest was mine since he didn’t want to drive stoned. See? He was responsible! Weed wasn’t legal in California yet, so I got a little bit baked before I stashed the sativa in the glove box and wrapped a scarf around my hair like a starlet from the Golden Age of Hollywood. Kirk sped out of the parking lot and said he was taking me to a downtown hotel that was hosting a party that night in their lush lobby.
Kadillac Kirk pulled up to the main entrance, paid the valet, and then opened my door. I was wobbly from the weed. And I had stupidly decided to wear heels. You can get high or you can wear high (heels). You can’t have both. Not if you’ve repeatedly injured both ankles (as I have). I had to take Kirk’s arm to keep from keeling over. “Can people tell I’m stoned?” I whispered. Kirk replied, “Nobody’s paying any attention to anyone else’s intoxication. I promise you that much.” I nodded, steadied myself, and strutted alongside my very cool friend, feeling a little more confident.
A live jazz orchestra was playing Cole Porter as we entered the lobby. Everything sparkled. The music was even more intoxicating than the spliff had been. “Just One of Those Things” brought tears to my eyes since the lyrics hit every raw nerve regarding the Dennis debacle. But I smiled. It might sound mental, but being distraught over a trash fire of a one-sided romance was exhilarating. Immature, for sure. But also exhilarating. You see, that kind of sadness doesn’t hurt. Not really. It stings. It leaves little bruises, but it’s very safe to wallow in because you haven’t actually lost anything. Melancholia over that which you never had is as sweet as it is bitter; and that type of twisted splendor is rivaled only by Stendhal.
“Here's hoping we meet now and then. It was great fun, but it was just one of those things.” I sang along with the band, and a fat tear rolled down past my melancholic smile and onto my chin. Kirk brushed it aside. “Too close to home?” I wiped away the remnants of the tear’s journey from eye to chin and smiled a more genuine smile. “The perfect distance from home. Shall we get drinks? Remember, I’m buying.”
Kirk: No, no. This is your time to heal. And I’m here as your pal, not your chauffeur. What would the lady like?”
I pretended to barf. Kirk knew I hated it when he got overly formal and overly attentive. So he did it just to mess with me. “Shot of vodka,” I replied.
Kirk: How many?
I thought briefly. “FIVE.”
Kirk: Five to one, baby. One in five...
Me: No one here gets out alive.
Kirk: Are you able to hold yourself upright, or should you come with?
I took a seat on an ornate, damask-upholstered chaise lounge. “I’ll be okay. And I was kidding about the five shots.”
I sat there lost in the music for a while. I thought very little about Dennis. Even less about Mary. And not at all about Whisky (whom I had shagged less than a week ago). My mind danced through the ornate lighting in the hotel lobby, and I suddenly felt the need to join the hoity-toity guests on the dancefloor!
Kirk returned with four shots of vodka. Two for him, two for me. That was quite reasonable of him. He knew damn well that I couldn’t handle five shots, but he also knew that I was in a... state. One that called for more than a single shot. I raised a both miniature glasses to “No more ninnyhammers or hairy-footed lovers.” Kirk did his hilarious Smegal impression, we double-toasted, and downed the shots. The band launched into “Let’s Misbehave,” and I kicked off my stilettos and made a beeline for the dance floor.
“There’s something wild about you child that’s so contagious. Let’s be outrageous! Let’s misbehave.” Kadillac Kirk swept me up, twirled me around, and dipped me as we both sang along with the lyrics. I wasn’t swooning for him, but I was enthralled by the moment. The music, the dancing, the combination of booze and bud... so I kissed him as he pulled me back to my feet. And he kissed back. In a way that Dennis never had. In a way that Whisky’s beard wouldn’t permit. I didn’t feel the visceral sensations that I’d felt when Dennis had kissed me, but it felt nice to feel desired. And then I noticed that other guests were watching us and applauding. Now, that was a dopamine rush if ever there was one!
I gently broke away from the embrace, high-fived Kirk and returned to the chaise lounge to put my stupid shoes back on. He followed me and smashed his face back onto mine. I pulled away and laughed. “It was a moment,” I told him. “I appreciate the dance, and that kiss was the perfect finale. But it’s not happening again.”
Kirk: Not to worry, Valerie. I know you. I knew all along that we were performing, and I was more than happy to be your scene partner.
Me: And dance partner! Those were some excellent moves! I didn’t know you had ballroom training.
Kirk: You name it, I’ve mastered it. Another drink for the lady?
I pretended to barf again. “Not yet. I’m not sad right now. Do you mind if I just sit here and enjoy the music?”
Kirk: Ah. My kisses do have healing properties...
I flipped my hand up at him. “Knock that shit off, bro. I wanted to hang out with you because I trust you not to get weird. Even if I get weird, I know you have the maturity to balance me out.”
Kirk: Are you calling me old???
Me: No. I’m calling you rational, responsible, and respectful.
Kirk: Well, now. If you can articulate an alliterative statement that fluently, then you clearly aren’t drunk enough!
I dismissed this comment as a joke. And he did indeed knock off the flirtation. We had a perfectly pleasant time chatting and dancing (no more kissing, though). And then I noticed a girl I knew from Into the Woods entering the lobby. She’d played Florinda and I’d played Little Red. I called her name and waved enthusiastically. She waved back. And then her date entered. It was D.E.N.N.I.S. I sank into the chaise. Kirk caught on immediately. “The hobbit???” he asked. I nodded silently. “You wanna make out again?” he enthused. I shook my head. I had to go say hello to Flo. And I had an idea...
I crossed the lobby, smiled, squealed, and hugged her.
Florinda: Lil’ Red! It’s been forever! So glad to see you!!! This is my friend, Denny.
Dennis was shifting uncomfortably. I extended my hand. “Nice to meet you. I know your date from Into the Woods. I bet she could tell you some entertaining stories about that show...” Flo laughed out loud, well aware of the many misadventures to which I'd referred. Of course, she might have been laughing because Dennis never, ever listened to anyone else's stories. He was too busy telling, re-telling, slightly altering, and exaggerating his own.
Dennis: C’mon, Val...
Me: Oh, you’ve heard of me? Small world! You guys picked a great night to come here. They’re playing Cole Porter, and the band is delovely!
Florinda (appearing oblivious to the iciness between me and Dennis): Have you seen Prince Big Bad (Scumbanger) lately?
I laughed. “Last time I saw him, he was hitting on some nasty fat chick at The Imp.”
Flo and I both scoffed at the pervy pest. Into the Woods was where I’d initially met Scumbanger. He played The Wolf/Cinderella’s Prince. Again... typecasting. There’s a whole essay in my brain about my first encounter with the pest, during which he quoted the song that he sang to me in the show, “Hello, Little Girl.” But it gets into some pretty uncomfortable territory because he made me feel excited. Well, excited and scared. Nothing of note happened during Into the Woods, but our odd interactions did kind of set the stage for some extremely regrettable events during that Cats cast party.
I excused myself, saying that I needed to get back to my friend. And then I leaned in and said in a hushed voice to Flo, “Watch your ass with that one. If he’s the Denny I’m thinking of...” I gave her a look that only another female would be able to read. Her eyebrows shot up and she nodded. Dennis continued to shift as though he were trying to hold in a massive dump. “BABE! Uh...”
Flo apparently answered to that moniker as well. “What is it, Denny? Don’t worry. That was just telepathic girl talk. You apparently have a reputation...”
Dennis: Different Denny. I assure you I’m a pious gentleman.
Me: Ah. My mistake. Well, then. You guys have a good time! Nice to meet you, Denny. Great to see you, Flo!
I hugged Flo again, gave Dennis a curt nod, ignored the scent of mandarins and mountain air, and returned to Kirk.
I collapsed on the chaise lounge, exhausted from holding back the rage. I had no right to be mad at Florinda. I hadn’t seen her in three years, so how was she supposed to know that I’d had a thing with Dennis? Hell, I couldn’t even be mad at Dennis because the last time he and I had spoken in any meaningful way, I’d told him that I was no longer entertaining my crush on him. So why was I surprised to see him dating??? And why had he never taken ME out on a date like this??? And why wasn’t I smitten with Kadillac Kirk who HAD taken me out on a date like this, was an objectively excellent kisser, and a bona fide BALLER? What was wrong with me???
Kirk suggested going down the street to a quaint little bar and then sobering up at a diner closer to my apartment. I numbly nodded and followed him in silence for a few blocks. He assured me that I had “turned several heads” on the way to the new location, but I neither cared nor believed him. This wasn't the type of numbness I'd been aiming for. Now I needed to get schnockered. “Five shots of vodka, please.” Yes, I was serious.
Kadillac Kirk, my reliable designated driver, ordered only a beer and watched in something across between astonishment, concern, and delight as I slammed all five shots in rapid succession. I half expected to immediately retch all over the bar. But I felt fine. I half expected to immediately lose consciousness and wake up in the hospital. But I remained coherent. How I’d managed to take in that much hard liquor and suffer no direct consequences, I’ll never know.
I think I wanted to suffer. I wanted to either feel nothing at all or to feel a sickness bad enough to distract me from the scorching sting that pulsed through my being when I realized that I had lost the abstract notion I’d been addicted to this entire time. Hope. It wasn’t Dennis himself I couldn’t quit. It was that drug called hope. The hope that maybe, just maybe Dennis would give our romance a fair chance. The hope that maybe, just maybe he would make peace with himself, get his mind out of his crotch, and enjoy some agenda-free togetherness. The hope that maybe, just maybe he would stop bloviating about his admittedly impressive accomplishments for five fucking minutes and ask about my life. I had my own reasonably impressive accomplishments, even if they paled in comparison to his. A proper suitor would have enjoyed hearing about them.
But seeing him out with another woman, a woman who had no reason to parade her Dennis escapades before me as some means of revenge, a woman he was clearly courting of his own volition... My hope had died. It died before I’d had time to wean myself off it. Now I had to mourn the loss of hope, which is a very tricky brand of grief to navigate. Vodka wasn’t the answer, but it was what I had to work with. So it would have to do.
After enough time had passed without vomiting or collapsing, I asked Kirk to bring his car around to the bar so that I didn’t have to walk two and a half blocks drunk and in heels. He nodded and dramatically leaned in for a kiss. I recoiled. “DUDE! I told you. The moment has passed.”
Kirk: I beg your pardon. I misread your eyes. Thought I saw a green light...
Me: It’s fine. I just want to go home while I’m still feeling okay.
Kirk: Of course. Your chariot will be here soon.
He skipped off to fetch his Cadillac and I noticed that the lights in the bar were beginning to dance a bit. This should have been concerning. But then I realized that I was giggling. Wait... What? Oh shit. Sure, I was drunk from those shots. But what I was feeling in that moment wasn’t drunkery. It was stonery. Kirk probably misread my face because my pupils were dilated. Not from desire, but from drug use.
Some of you might be thinking that I was a bad friend for not introducing Lucy, an old dude connoisseur, to Kirk. Well... I did. Several years before the events of this story. He adored her. She, on the other hand, thought he was immature. And she wasn’t wrong. Lucy was astute when it came to sussing out a person’s true nature. Far more astute than I. Her initial assessment that Kirk was immature is about to be vindicated. Stretch those cringe muscles! It’s almost time for pie...
I somehow managed to get to his car. I honestly don’t recall how I got there. Did one of the bartenders carry me? Did some kind patron allow me to lean on him? Had Kadillac Kirk carried me out? I’m not sure. But my memory ceases to be fuzzy about halfway to the 24-hour diner. It might have been the very same 24-hour diner where Mary pulled her... shenanigans. I’ll never know.
Kirk: Would you say that you’re more drunk or more stoned?
Me: STONED. Definitely stoned.
Kirk made some sort of grunty noise and reached for my thigh. I slapped his hand.
Kirk: Stoned but not amorous? That’s rare.
I started laughing rather unkindly. “You’re a fucking horndog! I thought you were my safe straight male friend, dammit.”
Kirk: I solemnly swear that your safety is my primary concern, my stoned beauty.
I pretended to throw up.
Kirk: So... You’re not horny. But are you hungry? The diner I’m heading to makes this Maple Walnut Pie with the most sumptuous... sensual cream and exquisite drizzling of...
Me: Ew! Stop trying to bang the pie. Bro. Are YOU stoned? (Then I remembered the question.) Yes, I’m hungry. But I don’t like nuts. I’ll have banana cream.
Kirk made that repulsive grunty noise again. “Uhhhhh... Mmmmmm. Cream. Yessssss. Yes, we’ll be there in just a minute.” He was squirming in the driver's seat.
Me: GROSS, DUDE! If you’re gonna be like that I’ll just order HASH brows. Get it? Hash??? (I giggled uncontrollably.). You can’t make that sound nasty.
Kirk: Forgive my jokes. I think my blood sugar’s a bit low.
As Kirk parked, I began to wonder how I might get away with walking shoeless into the diner. The stilettos had to get off my feet. At least while I was walking. And Kirk was kind enough to give me his socks and wear his loafers “island style” into the establishment. Okay, that was gallant of him. Maybe he was going to behave himself for the rest of the evening.
I wasn’t terribly talkative as we sat down, and he expressed concern for my emotional well-being. I wasn’t coherent enough to explain what was happening to my emotions and I wasn’t sure I trusted him with my deep, dark secrets at that point. So I shrugged like a sulky teenager, ran my hands over my messy, windblown hair, and mumbled that I was “just hungry.” And right on cue, a very kind, slightly older waitress with a sweet southern accent stopped by to take our order.
Kirk: Ah, yes. We’ll have two cups of black coffee. And we’ll share a slice of that delectable Maple Walnut Pie.
Waitress: Oh, honey. That pie is scrumptious! I take it you’ve been here before?
Kirk: I have. This will be her first time to taste the splendor.
I hated to be a killjoy, but I interrupted and said to the waitress, “Ma’am? I’m sure the Maple Walnut is excellent, but could I please get a slice of Banana Cream? And a big glass of ice water?
Waitress: Sure, hon! Banana Cream’s just as yummy! I’ll be right back with those coffees and that big water.
Kirk was sucking on the tip of his forefinger and shaking his head a bit. “You’re passing up so many sensational... sensual...”
I put my forehead on the table and growled. “You swore you’d stop being nasty!” I held this #headdesk pose for quite some time before I finally lifted my head... only to see that Kirk was still sucking his fingertip and staring at me like a wild animal. “Pleeeeeease be normal,” I whined. “It’s been a really weird night for me.”
Kirk: Indeed. Many surprises. You know... You’re like titanium. Your flame burns so fast and so bright, if a guy doesn’t get in there while the iron is hot, he’ll never get another chance. I was too slow.
What the...? I was pretty sure he was wrong about titanium burning quickly. I’m no chemistry wiz, but my dad and my oldest brother are both big-brains when it comes to physics and chemistry. So I picked up some things just listening to them talk. Accurate or inaccurate, Kirk was being creepy again. He’d never been creepy towards me before, although I’d seen him act like this with other women. Usually with staggering success. Why????? His money. It had to be his money. Kirk was a nice-looking man, but holy shit... No amount of good looks could save this creep show.
And then, our sweet waitress sat down our coffees, my water, and the two slices of pie. After I gulped down a whole bunch of water, I grabbed a fork, prepared to quell my munchies... and then I froze. Kirk was quickly flicking his finger back and forth across the top of his pie. And moaning. He noticed my wide-eyed stare, smirked, sucked the tip of his thumb, picked up the plate with both hands, and began flicking his tongue across the tip of the triangular pie slice. And moaning some more. Well, there went my appetite.
Kirk took his middle finger and jabbed it into the crustless vertex of the pie slice, then he began pumping it in and out like a piston, and flicking his thumb across the increasingly demolished top layer of whipped cream. He gasped this time. People were starting to stare. His pointer finger joined his middle finger in the piston action, and he replaced his thumb with his tongue. Between flicks of the tongue, he groaned, “Oh yeah, baby... Let me taste you,” but it was kind of hard to understand him.
And I was either about to run to the back office, tell them that I was in danger and needed a police escort home... OR I was about to burst out laughing at the spectacle. Kirk continued... He removed his fingers and gregariously licked pie filling off of them. And then he started sucking his fingertips again, switching from middle to pointer, middle to pointer and emitting a delighted little, “Mmmmmm” with every suck.
Finally, he jabbed his fingers back into the utterly destroyed pie, lowered his face into the mess and lapped loudly and passionately, moaning, grunting, and mumbling “Come on, baby. Come on. Mmmmmm. Come on.” I could see the waitress and some dude in a suit heading over to the table, so I sank down in my seat, partially covered my face, but continued to watch the train wreck. At last, Kirk shuddered violently, he splatted his entire hand onto the plate and rubbed furiously. And then he locked eyes with me. He sucked the tip of his thumb one final time and said, “You...” There was a long pause during which Kirk lovingly stroked the mess he’d made. “You... are the pie.”
I don’t hang out with Kadillac Kirk anymore. But he’s still a bachelor, ladies!

I don't have a lot of followers but I am very scared and traumatized rn. I'm just starting to take my career seriously and have been going to open mics regularly. I am also about to ramp up posting content but now I feel like shit. I am usually smart when it comes to online scams, I see red flags and I block the person. I had a different person earlier today try to scam me into sending them $95 to process their payment so I could be their sugar baby. I smelled something fishy and I blocked them.
But later tonight I let my loneliness get the better of me. I matched with a girl on hinge and she was super flirty. We exchanged snaps and she got me to send her nudes. With my face in the same video. I feel so dumb I knew I shouldn't have but I've just been so lonely and horny. I've had sex 4 times in 4 years and it got the best of me.
They asked for my ig which I stupidly gave them. Then they showed me screenshots of my pics and videos and my followers list. They singled out my mom and sister's accounts among others.
They tried to get me to send $1300 and we had a lot of trouble. My bank wouldn't let me. Then they made me run around to different atms to withdraw cash and then go to a bitcoin atm to send it to them. I ended up sending them a couple hundred thru bitcoin but bc of fees they only got less. They made me run around to more atms bc they weren't happy with that amount. No atm I went to would let withdraw more money.
Then he got tired and said he's gonna call me back.
I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm in a chokehold. I know I shouldn't have sent them money at all and Idk if I should answer the call in the morning. I'm just lost, embarrassed, sad, and numb. Is there anything I can do? I know they're probably just gonna keep asking for more money from me so idk how to handle this. Should I delete my ig? Will that even help at this point? They already have my followers list I'm scared. Any advice would be appreciated. Hopefully someone is awake at this time.
UPDATE:
I have deleted my tiktok, ig, facebook, twitter, whatsapp and snapchat but they still have my phone number. Is there anything else I can do? What happens when they call in 3 hours?
UPDATE 2: I have also privated my linkedin, I think that's everything. I hope

Wearing my Celtics gear in Portland Oregon today, usually get a some stares but overall mostly “go Celtics” or “I’m from Boston” (they are never from Boston). Anyway yesterday had an interaction with a salty heat fan had a respectful but mind numbing nba conversation, fast forward to this evening and a man got right up in my face screaming fuck Boston and he wouldn’t let me pass by him, turned out he was a heat fan as well lololol. Anyways this playoff run feels a lot different with haters, or maybe it’s just because a lot of people were pulling for the “Portland Celtics” When Ime was here. Can’t stop me and won’t stop me. #CusRise

I felt a sharp pain in my chest as I heard the words that shattered my world. You betrayed me. You looked at me with a smirk and said, "Yeah, I did. What are you gonna do about it?" I couldn't believe it. How could you do this to me? How could you turn your back on me after everything we've been through? A single tear fell from my eye, and you noticed. "Oh... oh, don't cry..." You said, but not with kindness. With mockery. You reached for my face, but I flinched away. You grabbed my arm and pulled me closer. I saw an old photo of us on the table, smiling and happy. We looked so innocent and pure. I cried harder, remembering the good times we had. You snatched the photo from my hands and tore it up. You threw the pieces in my face and said, "It's over! Our friendship has ended!" I sobbed, feeling the pieces of my heart breaking along with the photo. I did nothing but trust you…. I cried, trying to find some explanation for your actions. You laughed and said, "And I did nothing but break that trust. And I don't regret a damn thing." You looked at me with contempt and said, "... you are not the Ralsei I know and love! You're just an impostor pretending to be him." You wiped your mouth and said, "Hey, hey, no need to cry over something that's over. I'm the Dark Prince now. And if you think I still have a heart..." You slapped me across the face, hard. I felt a sting and a bruise forming. "I hate you." You spat. "Do you think that hurts me? The only thing that hurts are your tears. You disgust me." You turned around and walked away. "Ugh, whatever. If you can't handle a betrayal, why did you trust me in the first place?" You said over your shoulder. I looked down, feeling numb and empty. You sighed and said, "...look, you were just so loyal. You were trusting me unconditionally, like I couldn't possibly hurt you. That's the only thing that makes me feel bad." You sounded almost sincere, but I knew it was a lie. "Ugh." You said, annoyed. I let out a whimper, and more tears fell. You shouted, "Dammit, I told you to stop crying!" You sighed again and said, "Look. Just... forget about me. I don't wanna see you again. I don't want anything to do with you." You started walking away, leaving me alone and broken. I just stood there, unable to move or speak. You sighed one last time and turned around. You looked at me with pity and said, "You're so sensitive, and I just hate seeing you like this. Just... please stop crying." You said softly, as if you cared. But I knew you didn't. You turned away and walked out of my life. I whispered, "I just miss the old you, that's all." But you didn't hear me. You didn't care. You were gone. And I was left with nothing but pain and tears.
I'll always treasure the memories we made, even though you're gone now. I may never fully recover from losing you, but I'll never forget you. Goodbye, Ralsei.

((I felt a spark of creativity and wanted to write this and dip my toes into maybe starting to write fanfiction and what better way to start than my ultimate favorite ship!)) [Little bit of a sad excerpt so be warned]

 The rain came down in heavy sheets, pounding into her clothes with icy pricks along her skin where the water soaked through the fabric of her black dress. Her umbrella did very little to shield her from the weeping rain and the chilled winds, but she appreciated the cover for her tears. She hadn't cried tears like this since Nero, but for the last 6 months, she cried often, and didn't care much ti hide it anymore. Wednesday stalked along the grounds of her home, determined but defeated steps towards her destination. She took the opportunity to sniffle under the cover of her boots squelching into grassy mud. Her home was a simple 4 room Cottage on a 5 acre plot of land with a huge yard surrounded by thick forest. Once upon a time she this was paradise for Wednesday, but nowadays it's only a painful reminder of what once was. She had come alone, as she always did on this day, having left Thing in the cottage by himself. She did this same ritual every year, for the last Year, on the 28th of each month. It was June now, and the entire month had been dull blur of numbing dread and painful memories that once tasted oh so sweet. The storm clouds blotted out the sun but Wednesday wouldn't have been able to see past the spray of water to her face anyway. She made her way under a huge oak tree towards the back her land, in a clearing in her forest. The tree stood tall and proud, shouldering the burden of Wednesday's grief through a the front of its trunk, where the bark had been scratched off and the letters "WA + EA" were etched into the exposed wood. The solemn seer placed her hand over the etching, her tungsten wedding band sticking out along her pale hand. She shuffled a few steps to the right to stand before an ornate head stone, the crest of a wolf sculpted at the top. Wednesday gracefully sat down on the wet grass, not caring for her clothes as she tucked her legs to the side. She closed her umbrella and laid it to the ground as she carefully removed a hot pink orchid from her person. Carefully, the seer placed the orchid in the maw of the white-marble wolf. "When they told me you were gone, I screamed. I wailed and I cried and I screamed. As loud as I could. I halfway hoped that if you could hear me screaming on your way to the afterlife, you would turn around and come back to me," Wednesday said, her voice monotone and devoid of emotion. As opposed to the usual cadence to her voice, the words instead came out exhausted and beaten. Another round of hot tears began to fall as her bottom lip began to tremble. Wednesday stood, and ran her hand over the top of the wolf-statue's head, and placed a kiss on the nose. "Happy Birthday... Cara mia..." she spoke with a whisper. She didn't like the idea of disturbing this place with too much sound. It was her sanctuary, a final remaining thread of peace in a minute sanctuary she forged herself after she laid her heart to rest here. It was her favorite place after all, the countless full moons where she would lay with her wolf under the oak tree. Wednesday lingered for a moment, staring at the words etched into the marble, "Enid Addams June 2006 - January 2036 The Raven's Wolf, Beloved Wife" with a heavy sigh and a sniffle as the tears began to subside, Wednesday made her way back to the cottage that wouldn't feel like home anymore, not while her soul remained incomplete. 

So I cannot confirm for certain whether or not I have cubital tunnel but the symptoms mostly line up (numb ring and pinky fingers on both hands + tingling up arms) but for me it's been accompanied by tingling all around my face (both sides equally so I'm not worried about a stroke).
Has any here had a similar experience and what did you do to ease the discomfort? Any advice would be appreciated.

For context, I am a 20F Paramedic student. I will obviously not disclose where this happened or where I go to school to, but I felt the need to get this off my chest.
Recently, I had started my clinical rotations for this semester. It has been a very fun experience so far, as I’ve been able to practice my skills from the lab setting to the real life setting. Overall, it felt great to finally get my first IV in the hospital 😊 !
That being said, a traumatic code came in. Adult male shot in the face, torso, leg, and arm. He was young, I won’t say the age but he definitely had alot of life ahead of him. I felt terrible, I see many of my colleagues able to just brush it off. They are calloused, numb to it. I don’t want to end up like that, then unable to really empathize with my patients. I feel as though I could have given that man a hug goodbye, his life is over. We did everything. Us as students couldn’t do much either. It felt. Very saddening. I hate the feeling, but I also don’t want to just throw it away and become numb. The pain to me shapes me into working harder, but it still hurts quite a bit.
Before the night ended, we had another code come in. It was a female who was a bit on the older side, witnessed arrest so hands were on the chest immediately. That was the first save of my life, even if I was just doing ventilations. This feeling felt amazing. I don’t know exactly know what to feel, seeing a tragic death and a teeth clenching save.
I am sad but happy, and also very tired.

I want to thank Meatcanyon and Wendigoon for starting Creepcast. I've played around with writing horror, and here is my first short story. I will post it for free in a few other places to see what people think. Please enjoy!
A Hike to Remember
By R.L. Oclen
Chapter 1
A woman sits with hastily pulled-up fire-red hair in the waiting room of the state patrol station. The procedurally sterile off-white walls and decade-old magazines do little for comfort. With her head hanging low, her shoulders pushing forward, and her boots rapidly tapping on the floor, something has to give.
"Please just let her be okay." The woman growls as a pair of officers come in from the field. The officers' demeanors quickly change when they see the familiar face.
"Tabitha, did Officer Nichols call you?" one of the state patrol officers asked sympathetically.
"Yes, he asked me to come in and pick up a few things," Tabitha said, shooting back a muted look.
" I'll let them know you're here." The officer said, nodding to Tabitha as they passed the security door. Tabitha leaned back against the hard plastic chair, staring blankly into the fluorescent light. She had done this dance in the macabre repeatedly over the past month. The last image of her younger sister, Lisa, still burned in her mind. Tabitha had always been protective over her younger sister after their parents died. A pang of guilt shoots through her chest as she thinks about her and Lisa's argument.
"Tabitha Hymm, Officer Nichols is ready for you."
"Okay," she stood up, shaking off her guilt, and followed the officer back. The familiar surroundings of the state patrol station blurred as Tabitha stared forward. She followed the officer as they came to a rustic wooden office door, which was embossed with "Officer Nichols."
The escorting officer turns the old brass door knob. "Sir, I have Tabitha Hymm here." A grizzled West Virginia Highway State Patrol veteran sits behind the desk and nods. The escorting officer steps aside, pushing the door open as Tabitha pushes past him and slumps in the awaiting chair like so many times before. An uncomfortable relationship had formed between the two, born out of necessity and duty.
"Cup of coffee?"
"No thanks. Let's just cut to the chase. You don't have anything new?"
The worn laugh lines and Officer Nichols's face flattens. His eyebrows contour sympathetically as he shakes his head.
"Tabitha, I don't have anything else new for you. I wanted to give you the clothes returned from the lab." Her face darkened at the same response she had heard many times.
"As we discussed two weeks ago, there is nothing new and no signs of struggle or foul play," Officer Nichols said while placing a box marked evidence on the table and sliding it forward. Tabitha began to weep at the realization of Lisa's clothes in front of her. In a coordinated queue, Officer Nichols brought out a box of tissues. Reluctantly, Tabitha took a few moments to unblur her vision.
"How does someone stop their car in the middle of the Remington West Virginia State Park, lock it, and then walk into the woods?" Officer Nichols clasped his hands together and sighed at her worn question.
"Tabitha, I wish I had an answer for why your sister stopped her car in the woods and simply walked off. We're still going through her cell phone, but no signs exist that anyone forced her. On that Tuesday morning, she pulled over to the side of the road, secured her car, and walked away." Officer Nichols said empathetically.
Tabitha became stoic at the same explanation she had heard many times before. " So what next?"
"You should go back to Ohio, and I'll contact you as soon as I have more information." She winced at Officer Nichols's words. Reality began to pull at her that bills and work wouldn't wait much longer.
"If I leave, she's gone for good."
" You staying won't bring her back." Officer Nichols said sympathetically.
" So is that it? She's just gone?"
" Tabitha, I'll be honest with you. In cases like this… when people do things like this. Recovery is harder in the spring due to the weather and the animals. You know her mental condition better than I do. I can't explain why she did what she did. But until I find a solution, a suicide note, some intention, or body. She's not here. Tabitha, I'm-"
" Don't you fucking say sorry!" Tabitha stood up, screaming at Officer Nichols, throwing the plastic chair backward against the wall. " I should just look for myself."
"No!" Officer Nichols said momentarily, gripping the desk as his face hardened, then relaxed. Tabitha was caught off guard by Officer Nichols, who was normally composed. "Tabitha, I know this is unbearable. I've sat on this side of the desk and had these conversations. Trust me; I need you to be safe if I need your help later."
Tabitha nods, knowing Officer Nichols is right. She reaches down, picks up the evidence box of her sister's belongings, and leaves.
" Tabitha, if you're heading home, don't stop your car; just keep driving." Tabitha stops to look at Officer Nichols, feeling an eeriness to his words.
" Goodbye, Officer Nichols," Tabitha said as she closed the rustic wooden door behind her. She counted the tiles as she exited the West Virginia State Patrol Station. Placing her sister's belongings carefully in the back seat of her Jeep, Tabitha then sat momentarily behind the steering wheel, staring at the emblem. The familiar numbness washed over Tabitha as she pushed the start button. She pulled onto the highway, driving to the motel that had been home for the last month or so. Muted pop music accented the drive back as her mind raced with questions. Once inside the two-and-a-half-star motel room, Tabitha sat her sister's belongings on the corner table, crumbled onto the bed, and cried.
***
Tabitha wiped the steam from the slightly spotted mirror above the bathroom sink. The hot water from the shower felt good and loosened some of the stress from her body. Looking back at her, Tabitha's face was framed by damp curls around her shoulders. Her face marked the stress of the past month. Frowning, she examined the bags under her eyes; sleep had to come tonight. Walking into the living area, She changed into her favorite gym shorts and oversized sleep shirt. The alarm on her phone flashed "7:00 am," so she could drive home five hours after breakfast.
Tabitha hated feeling comfortable in this once strange room, but falling asleep was getting easier now. Her eyes closed slowly as the ceiling fan droned evenly. At first, nothing came in her dreams, but she let her guard down and slipped further into sleep.
As she dreamed of floating overhead like a bird of prey, Tabitha soared over the vast Remington National Park. The high noon sun bore down on the crisp woods, perfectly contrasting sky and forest. The heat of the sun felt good on her feathers. Distant cries rang out through the dream-like forest, catching her attention. Tabitha tilted her wings toward the screams, feeling a sense of familiar curiosity.
She now recognized the sobs and cries for help as she flew closer, her sharp eyes locked on her sister leaning against a large oak tree. She glided overhead without care, examining the situation below. Lisa clung to the tree, her eyes darting back and forth, scanning upwards. Lisa's face reflected desperation, looking for help in any direction. Tabitha lazily circles Lisa several times before perching on a sturdy branch higher in one of the oak trees. She watched Lisa intently with hunger. She bellowed deeply, hearing the unnatural sound she made, catching Lisa's eyes. Lisa's expression changed; she became calm, almost uncaring, as she stared back at Tabitha's form. Hunger grew exponentially in Tabitha as she spread her large wings. Her large eyes gaze down at Lisa before diving straight for her sister.
Tabitha jolts awake to the alarm on her phone flashing "7:23 AM." She breathes in sharply, shaking off the last horrible thoughts from the reoccurring nightmare. The strange details become more vivid each time. The lingering memories of folk stories her mother told sat in the back of her mind. In those stories, the dead would reach out in dreams as a matter of warning. Leaning back on the headboard, she searched for the advice her psychologist gave her. During their last session, Dr. Ryland explained dreams are a form of self-actualization of guilt. He told Tabitha that it was natural to feel responsible when losing a loved one in this manner.
Tabitha grumbled, lightly running her hands through her red hair; she pushed everything to the back of her mind. "Get it together!" She grumbled to herself. She pushed herself off the bed and got ready to leave. It was going to be a long trip home, and the only thing she could do now was leave things in the authorities' hands. Packing up was pretty easy since she only cycled through the outfits she brought. The local laundromat must have made a small fortune off her. Tabitha took one last look at the box of Lisa's belongings before throwing them in her duffle bag. She was thankful she didn't have to spend another night in this room.
***
Tabitha sat behind the wheel, waiting for the 90's model minivan to finish their order so she could grab a breakfast burrito on the way out. Considering the situation, the Deer Stop Family Restaurant did have a good breakfast. Finally, pulling up to the 70-style drive-in board, Tabitha rolled off the order she had been accustomed to. " I'll take a large iced tea with the double breakfast burrito meal and hash browns, please."
" Would you like some happy hot sauce with that?"
" That's fine, and a few ketchup packets as well."
" Your total is $8.79. Please pull around."
She pulled around to her window, flashed her debit card, got the receipt, and waited for her food. Luckily, the young woman serving her wasn't very talkative in the morning. The last thing she wanted was a conversation about the weather or meaningless small talk.
" Here's your large iced tea and breakfast meal. Ketchup and happy hot sauce are inside."
" Thanks," Tabitha said while mustering her best fake smile. The woman only smiled and nodded as the service window automatically closed. She pulled into the parking lot and dug into breakfast. Turning the radio to the weather, Tabitha sat back and enjoyed her meal. The local DJ read through the headlines, making nonpartisan comments about politics and grumbling about improving the economy. Tabitha powered through the updates of the "out-of-state woman" who'd gone missing. It was nice that the local radio station gave Lisa's name, description, and a missing person's number for sightings or leads. Tabitha even interviewed with the local news and radio stations, hoping it would bring Lisa home. But she soon found all it brought was a sorrowful look from the locals as she interacted with them in her day-to-day life.
Finishing the last of her hash browns, Lisa wadded up everything in the paper bag and threw it in the back seat. The 9 AM weather report said it was nothing but clear skies and sun the rest of the week. Tabitha flipped the radio over to the greatest hit station, pulled out of the parking lot, and began her trip home. She memorized the roads, every bend and turn in the early weeks as she frantically looked for Lisa. There's something hypnotic about the trees: the way they flow together. The trees' green tops and the oak trees' wide trunks were a relaxing view. Tabitha enjoyed the lazy s-curves of the road, bending and winding around the hills and the trees. The occasional farmhouse or field dotted the sides of the road as she made her way to the main highway.
The blur of a semi-truck snapped Tabitha's attention as she pulled up to the mouth of the highway. She had four and a half hours ahead of her, which would be a long ride. Tabitha pulled onto the highway and picked up speed, noting sparse traffic. She relaxed into her seat, letting her gaze gloss over the blur of green foliage. Without warning, Tabitha caught a large shadow from the corner of her left eye. When she registered the black feathery form, Tabitha tensed up and slammed on the brakes as it swooped across the vehicle's hood. Quickly, she pulled the car safely off the road. She couldn't determine exactly what it was, but it was bigger than any bird she'd seen. It was a bird, right? Tabitha turned off her Jeep and grabbed the keys and cell phone. Standing before the Jeep, she looked over the grill to see if she made contact with the entity.
Bewildered, she scanned the tree line, spotting something in the distance. Sitting in the clearing of the large oak forest was an enormous black owl. It stared intently at Tabitha with bright, shiny yellow eyes. She pushed the lock button on her keys, causing the jeep to beep securely. She turned, looking across the open field, an enormous black owl perched in the upper branches of an old oak tree. Each step she took away from the road piqued her curiosity. Soon, Tabitha stood in the middle of the open field, staring intently into the eyes of the enormous owl.
The horn of a passing semi-truck blared, pulling Tabitha's attention away from the mysterious large creature. She looked back and saw that she had walked farther away from the Jeep than she had thought. She glanced back to the forest line only to see the enormous owl was deeper into the woods than before. She narrowed her vision to find the two large, bright yellow eyes staring back. Had it moved? The day's stress, care, and worry suddenly poured out of Tabitha. It was replaced by only curiosity and overbearing tranquility. She warmly smiled for the first time in months as her feet pulled her further into the woods.
Chapter 2
The tug of gravity pulls Tabitha to her senses as her body reacts, falling forward. Her arms thrust forward, bracing for impact. Water rushes around her face as she struggles to get her bearings. Quickly, Tabitha pushed herself up in the ankle-high stream she fell in. The haze slowly clears from her mind as she stares at the muddy water. The dull ache throbs up her legs. Tabitha can smell the sweat from her clothes. Her face contorted in panic as she quickly stood up in the water, looking for her cell. Thankfully, the device was still in her pocket, dry and unscathed.
"One o'clock. How can that be?" Tabitha says, slowly looking up from the screen to see the vast, dense West Virginia forest encompassing her view. She shakes her head back and forth with disbelief. A smile gently spreads across her face, with the last bit of tranquility leaving her body. How did I get out here? Her breathing becomes faster as her pulse begins to quicken. I'm in the forest. I'm all alone—just like Lisa!
"NO, NO, NO, NO! THIS FUCKING CAN'T BE HAPPENING TO ME!" Tabitha screams into the void of trees. Her eyes well up with tears as she crumbles to her knees, gripping her phone tightly to her chest. Her sobs ring out through the thick oak trees. Her breath slows a little as she regains her composure. She begins to search her mind for anything. What is the last thing I can remember? The image of the black shadow crossing her vision while driving flashes into her mind.
"Okay, I got out of the Jeep, the…then what?" Tabitha says, trying to refresh her memories. She thinks her memory is not just gone; it's a black void in her mind. Complete blackness fills her mind right after remembering locking the Jeep and then turning to see the…
"Fuck I saw something. What was it!" Tabitha says, frustrated with her mind. She knew there must be a logical reason she was out here. Officer Nichols warned her not to go looking for her sister. She wasn't stupid; she just said that as a last-ditch effort to get him to do anything. Now I'm here.
"Run!" Tabitha heard Lisa's voice in her ear. Before she could turn around, she heard a loud bellowing coming from overhead. Fear shot down her back, reminding her of the nightmares she had over the past month. She shot forward full bore as something crashed to the ground behind her. Glancing back as she ran, a black mass of feathers convulsed between the broken branches of the trees. Its slick black feathers rippled across its surface as its bones crackled and flesh tore. Its body contorted and twisted from the shape of an owl to something bigger.
"Run, Tabby! Don't let it catch you!" Tabitha pushed forward, hearing Lisa's scream beside her face. Her breath burned in her chest, and she moved past the old oak trees bent over the creek bed. Her feet slammed rapidly, splashing along the side of the creek. Another loud bellow comes from behind as the trees bend and break to the force behind her. A small opening in the rocky creek bed catches her sight from the left. She dives into the crevasses, not caring where the fathoms lead. Tabitha tumbles in the pitch black, taking scrapes and sharp jabs from the rocks as she tumbles further into the void.
She finally tumbles to a stop on the sandy, wet floor of the cave. Her body aches from the sudden burst of exhaustion. The cool water running around her body from the creek is soothing despite her bumps and bruises. Pushing herself up, she scoots out of the water. Feeling her way forward, she finds a dry spot to collect herself. Quickly pushing her hand into her pocket, she finds her phone undamaged.
The sound of footsteps pushing against the creek fills the void around Tabitha as the light steps move closer to each other up the underground creekbed. She slowly removes her cell from her pocket and then shines the camera light toward the sound. A pair of scratched and bruised pale bare legs hold up a frail form in front of her in the creek. She wears the darkness as a shroud with nothing else to clothe her. Tabitha froze, not wanting to shine the light further in the pale form before her.
"Tabby, turn your light off. You need to save your battery." Tabitha turned off the light and then rushed forward, embracing Lisa—the how or why didn't matter, only the now. The pale form hugged her tightly. Tabitha felt her cold, bare skin. The darkness couldn't hide the feeling of the marks across her back and torso.
"Lisa, I'm-"
"Hush! I don't have much time. This wasn't your fault! I'm with Mom and Dad now. You have to survive, Tabby! Listen. Wait until the sun shines through the cracks, making a trail out. Follow it down the creek until you come to the opening. You'll see a large hill you hike up for a cell signal. And remember…If you can't see it… It can't hurt you. I love you-"
Tabitha stumbled forward before catching herself. The void in front of her arms was only filled by cool air. She looked up and noticed a faint glimmer of light pushing through the ceiling. She sat down, relaxing against the limestone wall of the cave, waiting for the trail of light to form.
***
After a few hours, the light shining through the cracks of the cave ceiling was bright enough to lead Tabitha to the other side. She stepped onto the creek bed, thankful for the sun hanging lower in the sky. Scanning the sky, Tabitha saw only a few clouds. The foothills of Appalachia backdropped the forest as she scanned for the hill. Her eyes found the trail leading up the steady slope of an impressive hill. The top of the hill was bare. Part of the hill must have sheared off in a landslide, leaving the top void of trees and a jagged cliff face. Tabitha started her hike up the back of the hill. She was careful to stay under the heavy canopy of the old trees, hopefully avoiding the creature's eyes.
She did her best to quiet her mind while hiking up the trail. Come on, almost to the top, then I can call 911, she replayed repeatedly in her mind. Her adrenaline made up for the lack of food since morning. She drank some water from a clean spot in the creek. She was placing her bet on rescue rather than worrying about the water.
Leaning against one of the trees, Tabitha took out her cell and measured the signal.
"Damn it, nothing!" She swore under her breath. She listened nervously and cautiously peered her head out from the tree line. Standing at the tree line, the cell phone still had a low signal. She pushed her anxiety down with a swallow and slowly stepped forward onto the bare rock. Tabitha was now out in the open. She walked with the cell phone pointed upwards, measuring the signal. Within three feet of the cliff face, her signal bar punched up to full. Tabitha began to punch in the numbers just as a pair of large yellow eyes appeared. She felt her legs become weak, and her vision blurred as the creature snared her in its gaze.
Tabitha ducked, missing the giant owl's claws as it swooped for her. She squinted her eyes shut, momentarily breaking the hold of the infernal beast as it crashed to the ground, tumbling down the path of old trees. On her hands and knees, she tucked the dialed phone back into her pocket. She heard the creature's loud bellowing, followed by the snapping of bone and flesh ripping. It was changing its shape to finish her off.
Tabitha tried to get up, but the flash of its eyes did something to her. Her legs were numb, her stomach was in knots, and she could barely put a few thoughts together.
"If you can't see it, it can't hurt you." Tabitha heard clearly in her left ear. She quickly pushed herself into a sitting position and fumbled for the key chain in her right pocket. Pulling the long chain of keys, luck charms, and keepsakes, her father's Swiss army knife dangled at the end. She slowly opened the half-inch blade. Her body wholeheartedly rejected her plan and tried to fight her. Every internal warning system sounded as her body fought against her as she brought the blade against the corner of her left eye.
She didn't know if she could do it until the creature bellowed in her direction. With one quick motion, the half-inch blade sliced across her left eye. The world dimmed and then went black on her left side. Behind her, the beast's thundering gallop was getting closer. Tabitha plunged herself into total darkness with the last bit of her strength. Her hand gripped tightly around the bloody knife as she folded forward onto the ground. She could feel herself weeping blood. She squinted, doing her best to stem the tide of blood loss.
A large feathered paw drove into Tabitha's right side, flipping her onto her back. She lay still as the hulking creature stood over her. It remained motionless, and Tabitha was confused about why it didn't move or bite her. Then she started to giggle, just a little at first. Then, laughing madly into the creature's face as it growled back at her. She could not see it; she couldn't see anything. Her mind couldn't be eaten!
The creature roared into Tabitha's face while plunging one of its sharp claws into her shoulder. Tabitha screamed in pain, slashing the knife downward. The blade hit something soft, and she ripped the blade down, rending whatever she had hit on the abomination. A bright yellow, foul-smelling liquid gushed in a torrent over Tabitha's face. She turned to cough, having swallowed a portion of it. The creature reared back, squealing in pain. Its hind leg came down hard on Tabitha's leg, snapping her tibia. She jerked her leg up, causing the creature to tumble forward and fall over the edge of the cliff side.
Tabitha heard the creature crash below at the base of the hill. A large dead tree speared the creature through its chest. Tabitha could hear the labored whines of the creature as its cries became weak and slowed. A wave of sickness hit her as she rolled over and vomited. The foul smell drenched her. She did her best to focus, reaching into her pocket and pulling out the phone. By memory, she typed in the unlock pin. She held her breath and placed her thumb where the call button should be.
She could hear the call being made then, "911. What is your emergency?"
"Please help me! A bear has attacked me, and I can't see. I think I am on a hill."
"Ok, ma'am, stay with me! Do you know where you are located?"
"No, I'm lost. Please send help."
"It's okay. Stay with me on the phone, and I'll use the cell signal to try to find you."
"I'm on top of one of the hills. I think I am lying on a bare roc-" Tabitha slipped unconscious with the cell still tightly in her hand. Her body began to tremble and convulse.
"Ma'am! Ma'am! Stay with me. I have help on the way."
Chapter 3
A young man in military fatigues frantically compiles images and reconnaissance data from his drone feed. Confirming his hunch, he commands the winged surveillance drone to make a hard left and send a live video feed. His eyes widened as he saw a large owl-shaped shadow crash onto the top of a hill. He watches in awe as the sleek black owl twists and shifts into something much larger, like a grizzly. As the drone turns, he sees a woman at the cliff's edge trying to steady yourself on her hands and knees.
He bolts up from the command module, jotting down the drone's coordinates on one of the printouts. The drab government-issued office motif for the watch station blurs in the corner of his eye as he rushes down the hallway to the watch commander's office.
"Sir, recon has eyes on AMOS! And it's feeding!" the man said, swinging the heavy wooden door open. He took the hastily compiled file and pushed it forward to the commanding officer.
An older, tanned man quickly stands, reaching for the files. His brow furls, seeing his charge is awake. "Keep eyes on it! Go Adams!" The young man nods, turning on his heel and bolting for the drone command module. As his office door slams shut from the subordinate officer, he grabs his headset and frantically dials the closest military outpost to the coordinates.
"Hello, Sergeant Klein; this is Agent Smith of Black Watch outpost 7948! Shadow is active, code Alpha, Mike, Oscar, Sierra. The coordinates and data package have been sent. A civilian is on the ground; deploy strike-and-rescue ASAP.
"We'll be up in five, Agent Smith! The line cuts as Agent Smith closes out the call on his headset and rushes to the door. The normally quiet watch station buzzes alive, with personnel flooding the central command station. The background echoes resource allocation calls, frantic typing, and the hum of cold computers warming up.
"Adams, get our eyes back on Amos!"
"Coming back around in 30 seconds." Thirty sets of eyes stare at the three giant screens, anxiously waiting for the drone feed to clear the bank of trees. The camera clears the tre top to see the giant feathered grizzly rear back slinging its massive head away from its prey. Its large yellow right eye spews bright yellow liquid all over the red-haired woman and the cliff face. The giant feathered grizzly missteps, crushing the woman's leg and causing the creature to tumble over the cliff face.
"Fuck!" Agent Smith yells in horror as he watches AMOS fall four stories, impaling a sharp, 3-meter-tall log lodged in the boulders. The command center freezes wide-eyed at the flailing dying creature on screen. Agent Smith pulls his cell out quickly and dials.
"Klein, Scrub the current request! AMOS is down! Switch to rescue and harvest now!
"What, someone took out AMOS?"
"YES! It's at the bottom of the cliff, bleeding out essence! The woman is covered in it as well. Clean as much of it off her as possible before you take her to the ER.
"Understood!"
Agent Smith, in a rage, slings his phone straight forward, connecting with Private Adams's skull. Adams flinches at the sudden impact of the hard plastic and covers his head. Agent Smith grabs the table in front of him and flips it over, sending the computer equipment crashing to the government-issued tiled floor.
"A two-year cycle gone! All that essence is gone! Now I have to wait another 24 months for AMOS to resurrect!" Agent Smith screams, causing the rest of the staff to recoil away in fear.
"Jones!" Agent Smith says sternly, turning to a petite woman on his left. She stares at him, pleading.
"Yes Sir?'
"Get Officer Nichols on my office line. That fuck up has some explaining. He should have told us AMOS was awake."
"Right away!" Jones quickly sits back down and begins dialing Nichols, thankful she doesn't have to deal with Agent Smith further. The command center quickly shifts gears as Agent Smith returns to his office.
***
Two Weeks later…
"Tabitha… Tabitha… This is Doctor Wilhelm. Wake up." The kind older gentleman said as they gently nudged Tabitha in her hospital bed.
"Where am I?" Tabitha asked, waking from what felt like years of sleep. She sat up, the world still pitch black, but an odd sense of the world around her seemed to hum just behind her eyes.
"You're in the hospital, dear; you scared us. Do you remember anything?" He said as he sat down on the side of her bed.
Tabitha thought for a moment the last parts after she slashed her eyes were a blur. She remembers people yelling and the sound of two or three helicopters over her. " No, it's really all just a blur."
"Well, it's probably for the best. You had some very serious injuries. The first night, we honestly didn't think you would make it. Then…" The doctor trailed off with a concerned expression, not knowing how to explain things further.
Tabitha felt his pulse quicken somehow. She didn't understand it but fully felt or sensed the doctor beside her. She sensed the two other nurses standing at the end of the bed. Her body didn't hurt. She felt great. She felt hungry.
"Doctor, you said had. What happened to my injuries?" She said calmly, trying not to startle the old doctor further.
"Well, Tabitha, it's the closest thing to a miracle I've ever seen. You had violent seizures from the minute you hit the entrance of the ER. We couldn't even set your leg. The medications we gave you had a minimal effect, and you thrashed so much that we had to restrain you. Then, the early morning check-in found you in a deep sleep. All but your eyes were completely healed. So we switched gears to support care and treated your eyes the best we could." He said, watching her reaction.
Tabitha leaned back in her bed, taking in the wild account. "Do you know how I healed so quickly?"
"What happened to you is beyond all scientific reason. A miracle is the only way the staff and I can explain it. I know you have been through a lot, but I want to check your eyes."
"Thank you for all your help, Doctor Wilhelm." She said, sitting up in bed.
"You are most welcome, dear. Now I am going to unwrap your eye-dressing. Hold still, please." he said as he reached up and pulled on the bandage tape. Tabitha felt a quick tug and felt the bandages loosen from around her head. The doctor slowly unwrapped the bandages. The doctor's brow wrinkled as he examined the two large black scabs covering Tabitha's eyes.
"Tell me if this hurts at all, ok?"
"Yes, doctor." She relaxes as the doctor's gloved fingers pass over the scab. He pushes and gently tugs at the side of one, and it starts to lift. He pulls on the scab more, and Tabitha begins to sense the light as it hits her eyelid.
"Oh, I can sense the light, Doctor Wilhelm!" She said, smiling.
"Wonderful! Nurse Allen, please hand me some saline solution. I think a little water will loosen these right up. Hold still; this may feel cold," he said as he reached for the solution. She felt the cool liquid flush over the left eye, then the right. The scabs fell away with a gentle tug from the doctor. She could see the light shine through her eyelids. She grinned widely, happy to have some form of sight left.
"Please open your eyes for me," he said as he sat back on the bed. Tabitha slowly opened her eyes. The flood of light was almost too much, causing her to squint. After a few moments, she adjusted to the fluorescent lights. Three figures began to take shape in front of her. First, the distinguished older features of Doctor Wilhelm came into view quickly, followed by the brunette and blonde younger nurses standing at the end of the bed. Suddenly, her vision snapped into place, crisp and clear.
"I can see perfectly! This is amazing! Thank you, Doctor Wilhem!" she said, turning to look directly into his eyes, but he stared back at her unmovingly.
"Doctor Wilhelm?" she said as her expression became more worried. Doctor Wilhelm just sat staring, intensely focused on her eyes. His expression was overbearingly calm. She glanced at the nurses, rigidly staring back at her with trapped, calm expressions. Doctor Wilhelm began to twitch slightly. It traveled from the base of his spine out to his limbs, finally convulsing.
"Doctor Wilhelm, are you okay?" Tabitha yelled as the doctor began to have a seizure and fell on top of her bed.
"Help Him!" She screamed at the two nurses only to see both of them crumble to the tiled floor. One of them bashed her head off the bed frame. Tabitha recoils back from Doctor Wilhelm in terror as he starts foaming at the mouth. She climbs over the bed rail and hits the tiled concrete floor with a thud. Her adrenaline surges as she bolts for the door, looking for help.
At the entrance of her hospital room, she sees another nurse leaving the adjacent room. "Please, my doctor and staff need help!" As the male nurse turns to see Tabitha, he suddenly goes stiff before collapsing into a violent seizure, spilling his cart over with him.
"What's happening!" Tabitha screams, thinking something is in the air, or everyone has come down with something. A pair of security guards round the corner, hearing the screams and commotion.
"Ma'am, are yo-" The guard freezes mid-stride as he makes eye contact with Tabitha. Both men start to convulse and topple over, thrashing violently on the hard tile.
"No, no, no, no!" Tabitha yells as she darts into the women's bathroom, a few doors up the hall. She runs in, terrified of the situation. She approaches one of the sinks, bracing herself against the cool porcelain. Her stomach turns, and she dry heaves in the sink. She steadies herself while turning on the cold water. Leaning in, she takes a drink. As she looks up, a glint of two yellow eyes catches her. Tabitha stumbles backward on reflex. Then, she sees her reflection in the mirror. Two completely bright yellow eyes stare back at Tabitha. She screams at herself in the mirror, not feeling hungry anymore.
The end.
I will

So growing up i had my fair share of all kinds of nightmares from silly to borderline horrible stuff. I guess I was always kinda prone to that stuff, because sometimes I get stressed easily and overwhelmed by what's happening around me. I know this is a regular nightmare and there's no "deeper meaning" or whatever, but this nightmare was so bad it made me wanna write it down. Mainly because it involved someone really really close to me.
I guess some parts are quite blurry for me, but it all started...after i watched some horror game? It was some horror game about some family. I don't remember much from it, but fast-forward I found myself at a bus stop with one of my close relatives. He couldn't catch a bus for some reason and was late for something. Anyway, he caught his bus and I thought of visiting my girlfriend, because the entire area was not far from my home. Context: 6 months ago I met up with this girl that now has become the love my life. She's everything to me and so far everything is absolutely great between us.
Back to the nightmare, here's the thing really takes a bad turn. I suddenly find myself in a completely unfamiliar apartment with my gf and it's late. For some reason she wants to sleep in another room, separated from me? In the nightmare I didn't think much of it, but as I was preparing to go to sleep I started to get that feeling I always get during nightmares..it's like this constant heavy expectation of something. Like you know something isn't right, but you barely understand that youre in a dream. Anyway, as I was preparing to sleep, she comes over and wishes me good night and it didn't feel like her, she said something that I haven't heard her say. I wish I remembered what it was, but something tells me it was a wish? Anyway, she then dissapears and I find myself completely alone. And there I am..alone in this dark completely unfamiliar room and then BAM completely out of nowhere she runs back to me in crazy speed and stops right in front of me. She then laughs and says she tried to scare me (she sometimes tries to scare me irl). Suddenly the entire nightmare just shifts into some different perspective. I think it came back to that family from the game I was talking about. I didn't know who was I. Was i someone else or myself. But the entire thing felt like new story. I don't even know where to begin. Because of some kind of twisted thing, I was constantly witnessing people die. People killing each other through some weird fucked up ways. Pushing each other to fall off a building, breaking necks and it all happened because of something. I don't know what it is, my image is blurry thankfully. Anyway, there were series of events where I'd find myself among people and all of us would die somehow. I remember the last event. It was near the entrance of some big mansion. Everyone was calm before everyone froze in some inhumane fucking way. It's like something completely made them still. There was this voice, saying something and there was also a sound of something or someone doing something. I know it's confusing. Suddenly one woman, who I KNOW from irl, looks at me and stares me in this dark death stare and says something to me. I forgot, but it went something like "we all like to be in a web" and she said that as something started to attach on others heads. Then I look up and I see a huge spider web and yep..of course the spider was big as hell. Had to be. Then it feel the web attach on me and everything goes dark. So, I skipped a lot of things that happened, because i don't remember them and this is already long as hell :D. At this point I felt tormented, like so many creepy things happened I was tired and I found myself at a doctors cabinet with my gf. I..knew that the person sitting next to me wasn't my gf. There was some doctor and she was checking out my eye. She then told me to blink. I..knew that if I do that, something will happen. I didn't want to do it, but I knew I'll do it. And so I did. When I opened my eyes, there was nothing. Nothing, but my girlfriends face staring at me in this twisted inhuman way. I've never seen such an emotionless face. I couldn't watching this so I actually somehow closed my eyes. Remember I said that I started to witness people killing each other? I guess...this was finally the climax, my gf killing me. I closed my eyes and started to hear loud repeating sounds, like everything crashing down on me, but I didn't open my eyes. Suddenly I hear it. Some voice, some childish voice repeating my girlfriends full name in some musical tone. I woke up at 4:50 am after that shit and my hands were numb as hell. That's about it. First time ever of me noting down a nightmare experience. I know this isn't that scary obviously, but every time I described what I say I felt goosebumps take over me.

Today I had the urge to sh. But I didn’t. I felt an overwhelming sense of hopelessness. I spent my whole car ride home from php thinking about how peaceful death sounds. I’m just so sad and I don’t want to feel this way anymore. I ruined my relationship with the love of my life because I’m so broken inside. And now the pain is unbearable. Facing the fact that I failed is too much for me. I might never be with him again and it’s my fault. I don’t know how to live with that.
I don’t think I would ever actually kill myself, but I do think about dying. Sometimes I want to die. Like today. Because Id just rather be dead than have to feel this pain. It hurts so bad. I just want to escape it. Maybe that makes me a baby. I know I’m weak. I can’t handle emotional pain in any capacity. And when it really hurts, I just don’t want to live anymore. And this really fucking hurts. I was a failure. I ruined the one thing that brought me happiness. And living without him means living with the guilt, knowing we could be in love if I weren’t such a fuck up. I truly hate myself. I want to get better but I don’t know how when I feel such hatred towards myself. He told me he forgives me, but I can’t forgive myself. It makes me want to hurt myself. My actions ruined something that I wanted so bad. And it might be ruined forever. Because of me. I can’t take that. I just can’t. I’d rather be dead than feel this way.
I miss him dearly, but what hurts more is the guilt and shame I feel. I’m disgusted with myself. I couldn’t control my emotions. I acted in a way that will forever haunt me. knowing I ruined it and that I can’t have him anymore (maybe forever) because of me, when there was so much potential, is an excruciating pain. I don’t know how much longer I can manage to feel this way. It makes me so depressed. I feel the weight on me at all times. I’ve been moving so slowly because the weight of my pain holds me down. Life is so grey. I feel a permanent sadness as I go about my day. I think this might be the worst depression I’ve ever felt. It’s never felt so heavy before.
I wish I could go numb. I hear about people taking medications and getting off of them because it numbs them from all emotions. I wish I could be like that. I want a drug that will make me emotionless, because at least I wouldn’t feel this sadness and anger with myself. I don’t want to feel anymore. I’m afraid of it continuing because I don’t think I can take much more.

I had silicone cheeck implants put in 6 years ago fastened with screws. Last year around this time I started getting sharp shooting pains numbness around my cheecks. I consulted with a couple of doctors an ent did a cat scan. He saw a pus pocket and gave me augmentin. Thank fully it went away. Fast forward to today I got a severe strep throat three days ago. I was out on Amoxicillin. As soon as I got the strep throat my right cheeck felt weird pressure, numb ( like novacain) and eye twitching. I'm very upset if I remove them a doctor told me I will be disfigured because I'm post menopausal. They said they could do a face lift but I would still be left with irregularities. I can't keep freaking out every time I get sick. I truly do not want to remove them. Has any one ever removed cheeck implants ? If so what did your surgeon do to fix the area ?

My husband and I are both 30 now, we met at 16 and we both had an insane amount of issues from our abusive home lives. Mine, physical and emotional abuse from stepfather, and extreme neglect and emotional manipulation from mother. His, extremely abusive, narcissistic mother who also happens to be an alcohol and a father so traumatized he kinda just gave up. He was also neglected an insane amount. We started dating at 20, married at 23. Our relationship has always been to a certain extent toxic, fiery, passionate too. There’s no doubt in my brain that he loves me, and I love him. It’s basically a primal understanding of each other. We both have adhd, we both have ptsd. And we’ve worked really fucking hard on ourselves. We’ve both done therapy, couples and otherwise, as well as psychiatrist visits to help with our adhd. A couple years ago, we started getting on the foot, and then I had a complete psychotic break due to alcohol (first time this has ever happened) I was absolutely insane by what I heard. It’s deeply traumatic, and terrifying and embarrassing to me, I had to be sedated multiple times and I am a very small woman. He was traumatized. It was awful. The next day I apologized, he was so angry with me. He started to tell me everything I’d done and I just sat there crying and apologizing over and over. I still remember feeling like I wanted to die. To this day it makes me feel like the worst person in the world. We kind of got back to normal, but he began to just lash out if I made even the slightest comment about something he didn’t like. He’d get annoyed with me for just talking about like… anything. Literally I just annoyed him. I made him angry. It was awful, and then there were days when it began to escalate. I got sick, and suddenly he was screaming at me as I was throwing up about how I was trying to emotionally manipulate him. I’d ask him to clean the dishes and he’d threaten me with divorce. He’d apologize later, hours or days later, saying he was still hurt about my psychotic break. I’d beg him to stop, or I’d offer to leave. I told him it was fine if he wanted me to go, I’d go. I understood I’d hurt him but it was escalating so much. He started getting angry at me when some guy at the gym would say hi to me. He’d scream at me to wear earphones. Eventually, he started throwing furniture at the walls in a blind rage.
I was working too, but becoming too anxious to continue. Everything was becoming so hard. I made most of our money and he’d blame me for everything wrong in his life. He’d sit and insult me for hours. By December, I’d gone entirely numb. We went to my parents for Christmas and I told my mom I may leave him, and not to worry about me. I told her I just wanted to be alone, and that I was so tired. We had this massive fight after. He was threatening me with leaving again, after screaming in my face so close I could feel his warm breath “I don’t like you! I don’t like you!” Over and over and over. I tried to walk away, but he followed me into the bathroom. I just kept ignoring him as he kept telling me how all our friends hated me and how I was so terrible. He told me all over again how shit I was for the psychotic break, how I was just like his alcoholic mother. I hadn’t had a drink since the incident, too afraid of a repeat. I drew a bath, while he kept screaming about how he was leaving me because I was so awful, and I just nodded and said, okay. I said okay, then why are you still fighting me? Just leave me then. You win. No more me, be happy about it. He started packing up a duffel bag and I sunk into the hot bath. He kept barking things at me though I’ve blocked them out of my memory. All I could think was maybe he’d actually leave and I’d be alone. He finished packing and then made this yell sound, before heading off to his office and slamming the door. Normally I would go to him but I was done. Hours later I went to bed and fell asleep. The next day I woke up and he was saying goodbye to me before work. He told me he loved me. I was mostly numb so I didn’t respond. I stopped doing anything for a month, just retreated to my office and locked the door. Played games, ignored the world. He started getting worried, and I snapped at him to leave me alone. First time I’d snapped at him all year. I could see him hovering at the peripheral of my world but had zero interest. Found out I was pregnant after that month. When I told him he was very happy. It’s been months and I’ve snapped at him, tested his patience, and nothing. He’s just not angry anymore. When I get upset he comforts me, and when I bring something up he listens. When I was sick he did all the household chores. He didn’t bother me about our sudden lack of sex. He didn’t do anything but try to be nice at every turn. It’s been months and suddenly he’s the person I knew at 20 again. And I don’t know if it’s real. I know people can change, but to have escalated that far? Is it even real?

So for the past month basically, I’ve been dealing with tingling, burning, pain, numbness and weakness in my arms along with a slight loss of hand dexterity. My neurologist actually said that my shoulder weakness improved (for some reason that isn’t reassuring me) but I still have weird hands and burning and tingling feelings, along with pain whenever I use my arms. This all started with me waking up one day and feeling like I slept on my shoulder very wrong and had my left arm feel asleep for a long time. Then the tingling spread to my face
They found two disc bulges that in the mri report are “impinging” on my spinal cord, but some of my doctors seem doubtful while others believe my neck discs are causing these issues.
I’ve been spiraling since the surgeon said he was doubtful. Neurologist wasn’t and told me the big bad wouldn’t be missed on an emg. The symptoms started in my left arm then went to my right arm in approximately three days after onset. I’m spiraling and looking for some venting space.
Thank you friends
Edit: I forgot to mention I’m a 23 yo M

God ive rewritten this like 3 times but; im curious to hear what you guys might think. Ive googled this but I cant seem to find the right answer. Basically, I feel like ive been struggling with this weird form of emotional dysregulation where I cant seem to feel anything at all? Namely panic and fear where people might usually feel it in the face of pressure.
Im a young woman at University and Anxiety has been a constant friend for the better half of two years. Im used to feeling sweaty, cramped up (got sent to the hospital once), out of breath, getting cold flashes, and an elevated heart-rate (also got sent to the hospital for that one). Its no secret that my anxious symptoms are agitated most often by academics- if not directly, then its about my self-esteem issues surrounding my academics.
But in the past semester ive noticed ive started getting numb to the panic? Where others might get a kick of adrenaline and are able to finish important tasks before they're due, ive gotten weirdly used to being calm about it. Or not feeling all that panic where I should be. Numb, I guess?
Its not that I am calm; if anything im sobbing on the inside. I understand how I should be and why my procrastination is bad. My lack of care isnt because im unbothered, but because I literally dont think theres a neuron in my body capable of panic at that time. I feel like this might be my body's way of preventing such strong anxious reactions, or its a sign ive gotten too used to being at higher levels of anxiety that I should be.
Is that weird? Anyone else relate to this? I feel like I get less moody (im not easily agitated or angry) and more emotionally numb. Complete lack of it. Pls tell me im not alone,,

I AM NOT OOP. OOP IS u/ThrowRAidkhowto
Originally posted on relationship_advice.
1 update - short
Content warning: Substance abuse, drug withdrawal symptoms
Original post - May 5th, 2024
Update - May 20th, 2024
How do I tell my bf 33M his habit is killing my 29F sex drive?
Throwaway because I don't want this to get back to my partner before I actually talk to him.
So my boyfriend has always been a huge stoner. Around the time we met and started dating (2 years ago) some things happened that made him realize that being stoned all day every day was ruining his life. He also got fired (semi related) and had to smoke a little bit less because he couldn't afford an ounce every week. I didn't really take our relationship seriously until I saw a sober side of him. But once he started smoking less and less, our relationship got a lot more serious. I don't really have an issue with smoking, but I do have a bit of a problem with him being high constantly.
We now live together and our relationship is overall really great. However. Recently he's started taking dabs (idrk the terminology) at night and he is like a different person when he does. And this other person is so annoying I can barely stand it. He will talk constantly, changing the topic every few minutes completely at random. He'll ask me a question, immediately interrupt my answer and talk about something completely different. He'll also do things that I think are meant to be physical comedy, but they're just the type of things little brothers do to pester you. He'll do weird voices like 4 inches from my face and like poke me and stuff. Then he'll usually try to initiate sex when I am SO IRRITATED. Also worthy of note, it makes his facial hair smell repulsive. I just get the ick so intensely.
This wasn't a huge issue when he only got this high occasionally. But lately it's every night and I never want to sleep with him after he's been riding my every nerve all night. So we go months without having sex because every opportunity to have sex....he gets too high first.
I've talked to him a few times about needing to feel on the same page, or like, mental plane in order to want to have sex. And I've also talked about how unhinged and irritating he gets when he's really high, but he just thinks he's HILARIOUS and I'm being grumpy or something. He also just wants me to get stoned with him, but I just don't really like smoking like that. And if I do smoke I usually just want to go to sleep.
TLDR; Boyfriend is annoying when he smokes, and it's hard for me to want to sleep with him.
How can I (kindly) communicate to him that this is so annoying, and that I can't have sex with someone who acts like an annoying brother? Or how can I just get past this irritation so I can connect with my partner?
Relevant Comments
trishsf
This isn’t going to change as long as he’s constantly high. It won’t. Know that and go from there. You put it well here. You didn’t start feeling serious until you had a chance to know him sober. You’re going to have to be straight with him. I fell in love with the sober you. This version of you doesn’t work for me. If he asks, get specific but I bet his response will be to attempt to tone down his behavior while stoned. He’s 33 years old. This is who he is. Take him or leave him.
He still isn't constantly stoned. He was for like 15 years before we met, and maybe like the first 3 months that we were dating. Then he lost his job (for a lot of reasons, some his fault others not) and didn't have $$ for an ounce a week. So he started smoking less and less. When he was high all the time I thought he was kind of dumb but fun, and I didn't really see him that often. And he was fun to go out with and fun in small doses. Once I saw him sober, I realized he was super funny and nice and interesting.
He hasn't started smoking like that again. But at night after dinner he now smokes dabs. Takes dabs? Idk. And those seem to hit different. He doesn't seem to think they do hit different so when I'm like "you're annoying when you take dabs" he acts like if saying that a shit of whiskey makes him more annoying than a shot of vodka, and he's like "it can't possibly".
I feel like I'm not explaining the issue clearly. He isn't constantly stoned. But he usually is around the time that bedroom things might happen.
Massive_Letterhead90
You're explaining it perfectly?
Getting high matters more to him than having a sex life. Unless finances stops him, he's getting high every day. This is how it's been his entire adult life, this is who he is.
Update - 15 days later
I can't figure out how to link to the original post, but you can check my profile for that.
The same day I posted that last advice post, we had tickets to go to an event, and afterwards we got dinner and drinks. The event was like a themed cocktail tasting, so we were pretty talkative and slightly more candid than we maybe would have been without a bunch of little drinks.
He actually brought up that he felt like we hadn't been meshing well lately, and he felt it might have to do with his smoking, because he felt like he'd been smoking more lately.
This really opened the floodgates, and I said that I had been trying to find a kind and gentle way to talk to him about that without being mean or attacking his behavior. But I said that when he takes dabs he acts really irritating, and that I've talked to him about that before, so this isn't a new topic. I said it was hard for me to want to be intimate with him after he's been bouncing off the walls and having conversations with himself at me for however long. I said that I love him so much and I really love our life together, but this habit of him getting too high to function every night is annoying and genuinely concerning. I asked what he felt like he needed to numb every single night that requires him to get THAT high. I also said that if this was alcohol instead of weed that he wouldn't even be arguing, like if he was getting an equivalent amount of drunk, he would completely see how he'd be acting out of pocket and messy. But we'd gets a pass in his mind.
He asked a few clarifying questions, but otherwise totally agreed and said he was going to try just not smoking at all for a while. I genuinely didn't think this was going to happen, but it did.
The first 3 days were really rough. He went through genuine actual withdrawals and it was kind of shocking to witness. He had zero emotional regulation and broke into tears really intensely multiple times over really minor inconveniences. He got super paranoid and had panic attacks. He got nauseous and struggled to eat. It was really shocking. I knew he'd been an every day smoker for like... almost 2 decades but I didn't really know weed had withdrawals.
But he has actually stuck to not smoking and he's been talking a LOT about how much better he feels without it. He's been a lot more even tempered (he was always a pretty emotional dude, and struggled with depression). A lot of his depression and anxiety symptoms have been non existent. He's had a lot more energy and he started working out a lot more. AND our sex life has been perfect. We've also been having a lot more intimate and interesting conversations and I just feel like our relationship has been perfect.
He has smoked twice since then, both times in social settings and in moderation. No dabs, no being completely zonked. I'm really proud of him and I'm really glad I was able to be so candid.
So thanks for all the advice that wasn't "he's a loser dump him."
Relevant Comments
Constant-Swimmer-141
That's amazing progress! Your courage in having that candid conversation and your boyfriend's commitment to making a change are awesome to see. Witnessing his withdrawal symptoms must have been eye-opening, but it's wonderful to see how much closer you two have become since he cut back. Wishing you both continued growth and happiness together!
Thek40
90% of issues in the sub can be solve with an honest talk.
Marking ongoing, but best wishes for OOP and BF (and get help, seriously).
Please no brigading, no harassment.

Had my first round in January. 25 units on each side in just my masseters. It took the edge of my pain and actually I was able to live again for awhile. Pain was still daily but more managble. Headaches were less.
Now it's back with a vengeance!! It feels worse than ever. Is it worse than ever or is it me not being used to this severe pain anymore?? I had 2.5 months of relief. The nerve pain, the tight spasmy jaw, the clicking and popping, teeth pain even, the numbness I feel in my cheeks (masseters) is back, the painful temporalis. It makes me sad.
Is it safe to do botox 3 times a year?? It has slimmed my face tremendously. And I don't like it. Even with that low of a dosage. But it is worth it for me now. And it's being covered by insurance. Jaw surgeon injects it. Took ages for me to get it covered so I might as well go for it.
How many times a year do you go for botox?

I have ptsd and now health anxiety:. I suffer from myofascial pain and have had digestive issues before.. on 5/1/24 I had the worst panic attack ever. Normally 20min and done this was every 10min for 3 hours… my whole left arm up to my left face was numb and tingly, I felt like I couldn’t breathe, dry mouth and burping.. and felt like I squatted 400lbs went to ER who did cardiac check and said panic attack..
I’m following up with cardiologist just to be sure… anyway 3 days later I’m having a brownie with walnuts and it got stuck in my throat the feeling didn’t go away till next day when I spit some mucous out that still had some brownie and blood… Browone and walnut maybe got stuck somehow?? I have extremely tight SCM and scalene..
Well since then I feel like I constantly have stuck mucous and get food stuck.. I can eat and drink but just feels like particles are stuck in my throat….
I also feel constantly on edge again scared to have another panic attack..
Could panic attack set this off? I have an endoscopy also scheduled as 2 years ago they found a polyp in my upper esophagus which I’m now worried it is that.. even though I never had this before??

Borderline personality disorder—a condition so often overshadowed by its more tumultuous manifestations: the trauma, the pervasive depression. Indeed, we cannot dismiss the suffocating feelings of abandonment, the relentless rumination, the numbing void that BPD encapsulates.
However, as I now delve into the realm of therapy, armed with a Master's in Psychology, I find myself pondering an often overlooked, perhaps scarcely contemplated, aspect of BPD. Consider this: despite the harrowing experiences of childhood trauma, neglect, or abandonment, our brains might have bestowed upon us fleeting surges of serotonin and dopamine in our natural times of need. These bursts could occur in the aftermath of a profound cry or an intense bout of anxiety, serving as brief reprieves. Subconscious longing for a warm caring relationship or moment of comfort came with tidal waves of pleasure that we might not have realized were far great than what others experience.
As children, we lacked the discernment to recognize these ephemeral moments of heightened positive emotion—moments intertwined with friendship, television, or simply happier times. Those who have never endured such trauma might never experience such intense highs.
This, I believe, is where the phenomenon of "favorite person-ing" originates. Tragically, our brains fail to comprehend that most people do not yearn for the profound depth of an emotionally tethered relationship. They have not faced a trauma so immense that the dopamine rush accompanying a new friendship is something foreign to them.
It's akin to being in a circle of individuals who cannot taste chocolate, yet inviting them to savor it two or three times a week. The richness, the sweetness—completely lost on them, yet a delicacy to us.

One of leading worries when Anomaly was announced and than released was that it is a one-time side content that will be ignored in regular playthrough. From there, some threads appeared doubling up on those concerns with claims of mediocre reward for completing the Anomaly questline. However, I would like to postulate, that the real rewards from engaging with Anomaly content is the research. Every colony can benefit greatly from unlocking related archotechs and is heavily incentivised to engage with Anomaly.
Note the list below omits prerequisites and things that are just needed to deal with Anomaly content in first place.
S tier: You would want to engage with Anomaly just to get one of those

• Mind-numb serum - Trivialises mood management, outclasses all drugs and at a small cost of 5% consciousness gives you a “ignore half of dangers to colony” button.
• Ghoul tech - Good in early game, good in midgame, reduces downtime in endgame. Outclasses melee mechs, combat animals and “incapable of violence doesn’t mean incapable of getting punched in the face” pawns. Biotech and Royalty content can make them even stronger, without the usual drawbacks. Their only downside is player morality.

A tier: Good for any playthrough, you want to engage with Anomaly to unlock those

• Productivity tech: Sleep suppressor, Frenzy inducer, Neurosis pulse - greatly help late game colony, where you just want to mass produce advanced components and mood management is not a concern. In case of emergency - see Mind-numb serum. Always violet breaks is still a concern, in case of a slip-up, but can be countered by Dead Calm gene. You likely always want this infrastructure, when mood is under control. Greatly outclasses Ideology-based productivity options.
• Bioferrite generator - Stable and reliable power. At the cost of containing 4-2 entities produces more power than a geothermal generator. One is sufficient to power early game colony, and it can easily be scaled up. Toxifier generators are still a contender, but in a long run they require more research and potentially micromanagement when dealing with waste.
• Insanity weaponry (Shard animal pulser, insanity lance and shock lance) - Craftable archotech. Those items are usually worth buying from traders. If you are going for large colony, shock lance is the main way to get more recruits. While shards are not super rare, it is still a limited resource. With that you might have other priorities for them and no longer want to mass produce consumables when you have resources.
• Psychic sensitivity bonuses - Psychophagy - good mostly due how long it lasts. Toss it twice a year to boost your other rituals, your psycasters and your merchants. Equivalent to gaining a psychically sensitive trait with prestige armor and helmet. Voidsight serum adds a mood malus, but is still worth it.
• Summon fleshbeast - best ‘summon’ ritual. Good to counter sieges and enemy ritualists.

B tier: Nice bonuses, but you would not want to do the Anomaly questline just to get those.

• Bioferrite (as material) - Bioferrite longsword is the best craftable melee weapon, and psychic sensitivity boost is great for psycasters. Bioferrite is an ok building material, but nothing you would go out of your way to grab.
• Biomutation lance - While it is an upgrade to insanity lance, even the insanity lance crafting is unlocked a bit too late. By the time you have biomutation lances, you possibly don’t need them as much.
• Atmospheric heater - counters cold snaps, allows for some terraforming playthroughs, but nothing you would always want.
• Disruptor flares - large AoE stun turns out to be useful more often than I expected.
• Chronophagy - good to occasionally reduce age of a pawn, without taking as long as with biosculpturers.
• Death refusal - With shard cost hard to perform at scale, but another good piece of archotech.
• Pleasure Pulse - counter psychic droners. Would be higher if not for the fact that mind numb serum is so much stronger. Usually you would want boost from ideology ritual first, and fall back to pleasure pulse only if that fails.
• Brainwipe - recruit unwaveringly loyal and remove inhumanization from captured cultists. Due to shard cost you might not want to use it for regular recruitment.
• Combat serums - Tough is for some best trait in game, you can now get it on demand (stacking if you already have it). Move bonus from juggernaut is also nice. However, the usefulness of both is reduced due to fact that you are better of using ghouls as damage sponges / melee blockers.
• Revenant invisibility - same usefulness and duration as invisibility psycast. Decent for psycasters, to reduce psychic heat / psyfocus cost when comboing spells. Guess its also a spine replacement without advanced components and research.

C tier: Anything has its uses, but generally disappointing or very niche.

• Bioferrite weapons - quite disappointing. Stun from nerve spiker is ok, but usually you would like just more firepower. Fire weapons remain to have only niche uses and usually are more trouble than it is worth.
• Bioferrite hood and mask - nothing special.
• Electroharvester - small amounts of power, can be used in emergency but often not worth the reduced containment and research speed.
• Draw Shamblers - appear in random location and with somehow long delay. It can be used to deal with mech clusters, but with bad RNG it does more harm than good.
• Philophagy - Can give few skill levels, but in early game when it would be most useful, it is not worth the shard cost and the mood malus. Later on the shard is still valuable, your prisoners will not always have the highest skill that you want and gains are still meh
• Blood Rain - For me too much collateral damage, but maybe I’m undervaluing this.
• Bliss lobotomy - I thought it would be good for my shooting specialists, but it also applies -50% global learning factor, it truly makes any pawn truly useless.

Jury is out:

• Draw animals - maybe useful on extreme biomes? Tribal starts? In my playstyle I never had use for it.
• Skip abduction - maybe some creative uses, but lack of prisoners is usually not a problem for longer periods of time.
• Provoke Pit Gate - Good for farming / getting rid of wastepacks?
• Deadlife dust - many reddit threads singing its praises, for me a bit gimmicky.

Acquisition:
Note, that most Anomaly tech is much faster to unlock than regular research. It also takes less pawn time. The following part is more of speculation on my side, but for ‘standard’ gameplay I see Anomaly as “pass this side quest to get some really strong technology”.
The general thought for this post was formulated before Ambient Mode was added to the game. However, with the fact that anomaly events are harder to deal with and often less rewarding than regular ones, you likely don’t want to play on Ambient Mode from a min-max perspective. The standard Anomaly mode gives you option to ‘shut down’ Anomaly events, once you got everything you wanted. However, maybe the best way to interact with anomaly content in regular playthrough is to play on standard and not activate the monolith. Instead, get void provocation from one of the rare events or a book. From there you can maintain full control and get only as many anomaly events as you need to unlock everything, without needing to deal with constant threats.

Around January 24 I went for a wisdom tooth extraction.
During the anesthesia, after the injection went into my lower gum, all my nerves around felt like they were being lit on fire. I reflexively shook a bit at the sudden pain from the plunger being pushed and my dentist just held on to my face and told me to relax and not move.
It still feels like that intermittently if i touch the lower part of my jaw. If I rub the area to the left of my chin bone, I can feel slight pain, tingling and numbness radiate all the way to the old tooth site where the extraction had been done and to the left side of my lower lip.
When I met the dentist again 14 days ago on the 6th of May, she took out some X-Rays and told me everything looked find and nothing happened to the 'nerve bed' and gave me:

• Benfotiamine (7.5 mg) + (0.75 mg) + Methylcobalamin (750 mcg) + Pyridoxine (1.5 mg) + Pregabalin (75 mg)
• a tablet of various B vitamins including: vitamin B1 (thiamine), 10 milligrams (mg) vitamin B2 (riboflavin), 10 mg vitamin B3 (nicotinamide), 45 mg vitamin B5 (calcium pantothenate), 50 mg vitamin B6 (pyridoxine), 3 mg vitamin B12 (cobalamin), 15 micrograms (mcg).

This did not help at all. I still have the same issues. Did she cause some sort of irreparable damage to me that she is being secretive about because of fear of action?