Quotes about moving on from friends xanga

I blacked out by the pool in Mexico. Too much to drink, not enough food and heat stroke. Don’t remember getting out of the pool and my friends didn’t know where I was for about 15 minutes till they saw staff putting me in a wheelchair. There were so many people there and I’m terrified because literally ANYTHING could have happened in that 15 minutes. No one knows if I was in the elevator, the bathroom or anywhere else. A Canadian Dr helped my friends with me. I’m humiliated and ashamed. It’s been two days and I still feel dizzy, cold and weird. This was my nightmare last night:
Dream:
Young blond mom on the couch with her kids jumps at a sound from upstairs scaring her two kids. Then laughs apologetically telling the kids “I forgot we have cats 😅.” Her narrator voice says “this is me. I have memory problems and sometimes it causes problems with the kids.” The scene changes to her driving with her kids beside her and her narrator voice says “sometimes I think about something and have to remember to fix my face before it scares them.” Her face drops and she starts crying but fixes her face as soon as the kids look up at her. Then the scene changes to looking into the windows of an urban gym building where a big creepy dead looking guy leads a black and white cow down the stairs inside and around the corner so only the rump is visible and then a flame thrower engulfs the cow in flames and it’s charred rump disappears as he drags it out of view. Two more big creepy men come down the stairs with their gym bags and go around that corner. In my mind, they were going to be served a beef meal, but the view changes as if I’m inside standing next to the creepy gym men looking into the room the cow was dragged into. There is no cow though. There is a dark room lined with lockers, a step up and a desk to the right on the raised part of the room. An evil being, like a man with no arms, his muscular legs with gym socks are full of syringes sticking out all over with blood trickling down them, his body is unstable, shifting and morphing a sickly whitish blue grey with veins and light crawling all over him. He has no right arm and a stump for a left arm with more bloody syringes sticking out of his shoulder and the stump. His whole body writhing with the crawling light. He steps up on the platform and turns around. His head is misshapen and he has big gross buggy eyes all over his face that are morphing in shape, size and bulge until they settle into two big gross eyes roughly where a human’s should be still pulsating and bulging. He looks at us and says something like “I’M THE ONLY ONE HERE WORKING HARD TO BRING HIM OUT!!! What are all of YOU doing?” And as he’s saying all that a little blue stone like humanoid creature with a big head a stocky blocky body appears out of his head and dances triumphant down his arm that sprouted while he was talking. There is electricity and lights crackling down the arm and around the creature. Around the whole body of gross guy who now has both arms. I don’t know what the creature is, but I know it’s evil.😈 it actually looked a little like the devil emoji. Me and the two big creepy gym dudes are scared. Then I am the blond mom walking into a lobby, a big room with maroon carpet and couches all spaced apart around the perimeter and a frosted glass ceiling with plants growing all over the outside of it so you can only see them like shadows. The back wall is open and you can see jungle outside. I know this is an asylum and I’m there to see my husband. There are people wrapped in blankets on each couch. One dark haired evil man to the left on a couch facing into the room with a desk in front of it is still as stone staring blankly, there is someone on the couch immediately to my left who stirs but not much and I can only see them in my peripheral. There is a woman on the couch across from us in a pink robe who is creepily happy but incoherent. And someone on another couch to the right of her sleeping. There are strange advertisements on rectangular signs sitting on the floors between each couch. One is a close up of a used condom and I can’t tell what it says but I’m aware that it is propaganda for the evil little creature. I sit on the couch where my husband is and we are covered with a dark red blanket. We cuddle up and the woman’s narrator voice says “we don’t always get this extra time together but we cherish it when we do.” And I snuggle closer to him and he holds me. We are drifting to sleep but I’m unsettled by the strange people around us. I wake a little and hear the patients mumbling. They are all moving and making sounds now. I’m most terrified by the man that was so still and staring because I thought he was catatonic and kept sedated because he was evil. I woke my husband and he said “it’s ok! We’re just excited because SHE’S HERE!” I look at him terrified and he says, “Well, IT’S here.” And he points to the stars in the sky, “See? MARS is rising!” All the patients are looking and pointing at the stars. Then I see a huge red planet coming over the horizon and I’m scared. I look up at the frosted glass ceiling and see the silhouette of the little evil being dancing on the ceiling trying to get in and then the creepily happy woman in a pink bathrobe is at our couch and she’s grabbing my feet. I’m terrified and screaming for my husband to get her away. I woke to my boyfriend rubbing his feet on mine telling me it’s just a dream! It’s a dream! Your ok! And I could hear the weird noises I was making trying to scream.
I don’t want any more nightmares and I don’t want to remember what happened.

I feel like by now we all know Autism Speaks is a bs company. I recently visited a city near where I live with my sister and her two kids, one of whom has ADHD. It's a city where there's a lot of history, so there were these big trolley tours passing by. We had just walked out of a novelty shop to get some toys and candy for my nephew. We were standing on the corner of a street, and across the street from us on the other corner was a guy dressed in the token rainbow puzzle piece shirt holding one of those megaphone things.
As a trolley stopped at the intersection, this guy walked out into the street and stopped in front of them to start preaching about Autism Awareness and trying to get donations. The driver yelled at him and made him move, at which point he looked around the street and saw my sister and I.
We needed to cross the street, but the light had just turned green, so we had to wait. He ran up to us and started talking about Autism to us. Before my nephew was diagnosed with ADHD, he had been diagnosed with ASD, but recently he was rediagnosed (as in less than a month ago). My sister, believing her son to be Autistic, had read every book on parenting children with ASD she could get her hands on. She's also been picking my brain for years on where I feel like our parents messed up with me and where I think they really helped.
Obviously neither of us are experts on the subject, but I do feel like we are familiar enough based on my lived experience with the disorder and my sister both watching me grow up and then trying to help her son. The point was neither one of us was particularly enthused about being talked at by someone who so clearly was preaching based off a pamphlet. He even said that he had a childhood friend with ASD and that's why he felt called to volunteer with the company.
My sister, idk if it's because she's Neurotypical or just a confidence thing, but she was able to tell the guy to bug off and went back into the store so she could help my nephew regulate because the guy was really loud and in our faces. That left me standing there frozen while he got progressively louder and more in my face. He said I lacked compassion, that I clearly didn't know anyone who struggles with Autism, that he hoped if I had kids with it that I would educate myself better. I wasn't doing anything. I was just frozen, deer in headlights, panicking as a stranger shouted at me.
Other passing people started to stop and stare. I don't know if it was in my head or not, but I could swear I was getting the stink eye from everyone. I started feeling dizzy, and that's when I yelled "I HAVE ANXIETY" and then ran into the store.
I don't blame my sister for leaving me out there. She thought I was right behind her, and obviously her priority was on my nephew and I'm glad he was removed from the situation.
Now that I'm away from it and calmed down, I just feel so angry that this company isn't training their volunteers better. You would think that for a company that's allegedly supposed to advocate for people with Autism, they would know better than to invade personal space and raise their voices.

I originally posted this in the hoarders subreddit but was advised maybe more help could be found here. the first bit is my original post and a comment i made that i think gives more context. any help is appreciated.
i’m almost 20 and my parents have decided to move out of our childhood home to a retirement home on the lake. my mother is obviously a hoarder and we need to be moved out by july. she mainly hoards clothes which are basically to the ceiling in her room. there is just straight up junk everywhere. i’ve lived like this my whole life and i undoubtedly have issues stemming from it. for example, when my brother went to college i moved into his room. my parents let me pick out paint and said we were going to make my room “my own.” i was 12 when we did that and so far the only thing we did was prime half of the walls about 2 years ago. i have since went to college for a semester and i was away from home for 6 months and things are just how i left them.
i never had friends over, never had a room that felt my own, and was constantly blamed for it. when i expressed my concerns about my childhood my mom just said “well you could have had friends over if you just cleaned” or “we never painted your room because you're lazy” i, however, feel as though i wasn’t the problem in all of this. i never contributed to the hoard as i never brought anything into my house. during the holidays if my room was somewhat clean, my mother would throw things in my room to hide it from family. every year around christmas i have spent it cleaning nonstop just for it to look somewhat presentable. it always stressed me out. our kitchen is also hoarded. i love to cook and i just can’t when there is no counter space. i wouldn’t necessarily call her hoard “dirty.” there are no bugs, mold, etc. it’s just stuff.
i tried cleaning my room today because we need to move out soon and i just broke down. the amount of time it’s taken me to even get a single bag of goodwill clothes out was well over an hour and i just can’t imagine what it’s going to be like to move out. i tried moving on the clean the kitchen and was met with my mom overstepping my cleaning process. she went through the trash and picked out the recycle. i told her that in order to get it done on time we need to just start throwing it away. (this stuff had been sitting out for months) she was insisting i do it her way.
at this point, i have just given up. cleaning makes me so overwhelmed and reminds me of the countless years of yelling around really special times in my life like i mentioned with christmas. i just feel as though my childhood was taken from me. i grew up relatively privileged and i feel so guilty for even feeling the way i do. like i’m not grateful for the life i got. i’m not really sure what to do. does anyone have any tips? i’m desperate.
unfortunately i’ve tried putting boundaries in place. my dad has too. the stuff just keeps accumulating and it’s hard to keep it at bay. around 4 years ago my siblings and grandparents took control and cleaned the whole downstairs portion of house when my parents were on vacation. (not the best idea i know but we were desperate at the time) it took us 4 days of 9-5 cleaning and still didn’t finish completely (there were still corners with stuff in them but it was honestly 90% better) my mom was happy but she doesn’t seem to take what we did seriously. it was hard for her the first few days and of course blamed us for missing stuff, which is expected. i’m not mad at how she reacted but she seemed ungrateful as the first thing she said was “you forgot some things” to which my dad said she needed to be happy. unfortunately she thinks that the entire house can get clean in a day, despite when i told her it took four days of nonstop cleaning from 5 people just for the downstairs. it makes it seem like despite how much time i put into cleaning her mess she’s never happy because she thinks i’m not doing enough. i told her how dire the situation is with them needing to move out in a little over a month and she seems totally unconcerned. my dad has honestly been the only person who can get through to her but in the 6 months i was away from college they merely managed to declutter around half of the garage. (which is a nightmare itself) i just don’t know how to go about cleaning it. she won’t let me invite anyone over to help despite the need for it. i really want to do what i did about four years ago but fear she will freak out because she will be missing stuff when they move into the new house. as of right now though, i see no other option. i kinda feel like it falls on me to pick up the mess.

I'm gonna start this off by saying this is a vent post. It's really long and goes over all the big instances I can recall of animal cruelty happening in my childhood all the way to present, so it will be a lot of paragraphs. The timelines are estimates, but due to trauma I have poor memory involving dates when things happened, and this probably still isn't every incident, again just the big ones I can recall. Read at your own discretion.
I (19F) live with my grandparents (70M and 67F) and my parents (42 M 43 F). Due to some injuries from last year and some medical history, I am disabled and currently jobless, and in the process of trying to obtain disability, which is relevant for later.
Since I was as little as I can remember, my family has always had cats. I even grew up with some cats that ended up feeling like siblings for me not having anyone around them age to interact with until my sister was born when I was 8.
My parents have always loved cats, but I don't think truly ever valued cats. They've always been left outdoors, and eventually the elements always get them. I have never had a family pet that grew past the age 12. All of our cats have either been attacked by dogs that are also loose in my neighborhood, been suspected to have been tortured and unalived by neighbors, got sick, or got ran over, because my family doesn't care and will just 'replace" pets less than a year later.
When I was around 5, I had my very first pet kitten. This kitten was a runt, so it stayed small for a long time. It also was very hard to potty train, and because of this, they released it outside when it was maybe barely 7-8 weeks. He did good for about a month, but after that, he vanished. But there was evidence when he disappeared that there were large dog paw prints in our driveway because it was rainy that previous night, and his food bowl was dragged out in the yard, which he couldn't have done.
Also around 5, my aunt (at this time 13F) was living with us, as her mom (my mom's mom) wasn't taking good care of her and was in and out of jail. She had pet guinea pigs for a bit. My parents decided to feed the guinea pigs potatoes without doing any kind of research. One of them died. The other one was sick and anxious all the time, so my aunt decided to release it in our backyard? It was also winter. (I want to say that I do not blame her directly because she was still a child and in a similar situation to me, and my parents didn't care about the well-being of these poor guinea pigs anyways.)
And yet another story of around age 5, my dad bought the family a pet red-eared turtle. The tank was too small for her. My dad also thought it would be "funny" and "cool" to put fish in there with this turtle whenever we were about to go on vacation. She ate all the fish in the tank: Neons, goldfish, the tank cleaners, and whatever other fish species he put in that confined tank that wasn't more than 20 gallons. (Red-eared turtles alone need around 40 at minimum.)
But that's not all. While on vacation, both I and my 13 year-old aunt got baby yellow-belly sliders. We took them home, and we put them in the tank with our adult turtle. She ate the heads off of both of them. There was one goldfish left there as well, and I got traumatized seeing both the dead turtles, and seeing her eat that last gold fish in two chomps one time.
When I was around 6, my family randomly decided, "Let's own goats!" because they have a big backyard with an old shed. Well, they ended up buying a small amount of chicken wire fence and giving them outside of the barn about a few feet to move around when our backyard is fairly large and most of it wasn't being used. And we live in a residential area, so every night we had the goats, they would scream. My parents hated their screaming and started neglecting them more by giving them less attention, which only made them scream 24/7. Finally, my parents decided to give the goats to some distant family that has farmland. (We are in the south.)
When I was around 8-9, I got another cat. She was a pretty cat, but very mean and feisty. She didn't really like anyone, but I loved her regardless. This cat was too annoying for my parents to deal with because she had behavioral issues, and instead of taking her to the vet, they decided to make her start staying outside. She loved it, but a bit too much.
(Big TW: death and some descriptions of gore) One day, I had to help my mom deal with her corpse on the road. I was obviously really sad and fell into a deal depression. I also panicked and nearly threw up when I saw, because her eyeball was hanging out. It was so disturbing for a child to see. We buried her together, but I was made fun of one day by my parents for randomly crying about her death.
When I was around 10, I owned my third cat. She also had a brother from the same litter, and my mom had recently lost a cat that she did keep inside from kidney disease. I haven't had my own cat in a while, and they decided to adopt this sibling pair from the neighbors. I got the female, my mom got the male, because she is the type to insist that boy cats are better.
Anyways, I LOVED this cat. I did so much for her, and she loved me and followed me everywhere. We'd cuddle to sleep together. She was my best friend.
But my parents never got her fixed. They also never got the brother fixed. They ended up doing the tango (gross I know, but nature) and my cat had kittens a little bit less than a year old. Since she was too young for kittens, she at first didn't know what she was doing and even misplaced her first outside and ran to me while in labor with the second. I found that kitten and helped her with all 5 of her kittens, all girls also, and the kittens ended up getting close to me as well.
Of course, once they were around 6-7 weeks, my parents were wanting to start finding home for them. But they also had another idea in mind. They wanted me to get rid of my adult cat, and the brother cat as well, and we'd take one kitten. At first I was like no, but they manipulated me and convinced me a kitten would be better. I told them which kitten I wanted, and it looked a lot like my cat. But no, since they thought one of the cats might be distantly Siamese and thought it looked the coolest from it's tabby and Siamese-like pattern, they chose that one, and then dropped my beloved cat and her brother off at a cemetery, didn't even let me say bye. They just threw them away like pieces of garbage. And then I ended up resenting that kitten anyways for not being MY cat, so the family ended up crashing her as well, and she disappeared a few years later.
Around age 11-12, I somehow managed to have pet hermit crabs, another pet yellow-belly slider turtle, and two pet rabbits. My parents were basically throwing pets at me because I guess they felt guilty or something about what they did to me. I didn't end up taking care of any of them, and they all died of starvation and/or dehydration, and I still feel terrible about it. I was so depressed that I couldn't take care of myself either. And I was given animals on top of it, and I was forced to be a high schooler in school. The pets suffered at the cost of what? Why did I even have them?
Around age 13, my parents were driving me home from school, and we saw some Canada geese with their babies by a pond. I'm sure you know where this is going, considering everything else. My mom convinced me to jump out of the car with her, and she distracted the adult geese while I caught a baby one. I knew that in itself was bad, but I didn't know Canada geese were such a protected species.
The little guy imprinted on me. I loved him, he would follow me around the yard. But once again my parents got out that chicken fence, only this time it was on the side of the house, and no shed for him to take cover in (still like a few feet of movement max.) He was growing fast, and he was plucking his feathers. A neighbor noticed and told us to get rid of him or we'd call authorities. They lied and said we "found him and rescued him." I was told to lie about this narrative for years. They ended up dropping him back off at the pond we got him from about two months after we first got him. He couldn't fly, his family wasn't there. He was defenseless. I still feel terrible to this day, I know I was manipulated, but I was 13. And again, I defend my aunt and she was also 13, so I really don't know.
When I was 15, that first turtle I mentioned was still there at our house for all those years. She had quite literally been there for a decade. My parents got tired of having to clean her tank, and she was obviously too big for it as well. But was their response to upgrade tanks and the old filtering system that's been there all that time? Nope. While I was at school, he just...released her. And not in a pond or anything, you know, being an aquatic turtle. (Not like that would be better, but better than what he did.) He just put her outside, in our front driveway. She ran away surprisingly fast according to him. An aquatic pet turtle. Just released in a residential neighborhood. I'm totally sure nothing awful happened to her.( /sarcasm.)
When I was also 15, this was when the pandemic hit. I was super depressed and bored all the time. But then a female stray cat came to our house and had kittens behind a board against my grandparents house. I started fostering them and their mom immediately. I didn't know at the time that we had any no kill shelters nearby, and neither did my parents. When the kittens were old enough, we started rehoming them. There were 3 in total. 1 got a home. The other was still outside for some reason and disappeared. The other one became my pet, whom was at first the family pet. But then they decided that he was too annoying (because he was sweet and affectionate and not what they wanted out of cats which was mean, feisty, playful.)
He is the sweetest boy ever and is still alive to this day, but because I still live with my horrible family, he has to be outdoors, and he gets really scabby from the bugs outside during the summer. As soon as I can I will move out, take him to the vet, and take him out of this home. He shouldn't have to be here.
A few years ago, my sister (11F but maybe 9F at the time) got her own kitten. He ended up growing up to be sweet and affectionate like my cat, so neither her nor my parents want him and he's outdoors, so I'll probably try to take him too.
My sister now has her own new cat that's about a year old she got last year. So far she's not abandoning him since he's a mix of sweet and playful, but my parents have talked about making him indoor-outdoor, which really means "Indoor-outdoor for a few days but after a while we'll just leave him outside and let him stay there."
As a child, I was taught so many messed up things about animals. That dogs are disgusting, gross, and pets have no feelings, and I was taught that cats also have no feelings as a child, but that they are at least a more fun and less gross pet. In fact, in my parent's eyes, no animals have feelings or sentience or any of those things. They are just play things for our benefit. Because of this, as a child I also did not treat animals with the respect they deserve, and I acknowledge this. I have been unlearning so much of this behavior since I was about 13, the goose that I had was my wakeup call.
Please, I know it may seem crazy to some that I out of all people are speaking on this, but if you own animals, please keep them indoors. And with cats specifically, if they crave outside, harness train them. Buy/build a cheap patio in your window if possible. Just don't let them roam free. They will kill so much wildlife. Having to also deal with the grief of my pets killing and bringing dead rabbits, moles, birds opossums, etc. is also a lot. It heavily effects your surrounding ecosystem as well, because annually house cats are estimated to kill over a billion birds and over 6 billion mammals. That's disastrous, and could be avoided if there weren't so many bad pet owners.
Also, don't get animals that go in tanks/terrariums/cages in general if you don't have the money to get them the most spacious enclosure with ALL of their needs. Don't put fish in bowls, it effects their eyesight and shortens their lifespans SIGNIFICANTLY. In general, do not get a pet unless you have the financial means to do so AND if you've thoroughly researched that pet, get it ethically sourced, and if you make sure you have the mental capacity to care for an animal. ANIMALS ARE NOT TOYS. ANIMALS ARE NOT HERE FOR OUR ENTERTAINMENT, FOR OUR JOY. THEY ARE LIVING BEINGS WITH THOUGHTS, EMOTIONS, AND A LIFE. THEY DESERVE RESPECT AND DECENCY. NO, THEY DESERVE BEYOND DECENCY, THEY DESERVE TO BE WORSHIPPED AND NURTURED AND SPOILED BY US, NOT TORMENTED AND ABUSED! Thank you.
Also, if you somehow got this far, please read my previous story and give me advice on that one if you have the time, but if not that's perfectly okay. My living situation sucks, but hopefully things can change. I'm counting on a change to happen soon.

Hi everyone,
I met my boyfriend (25M) 3 months ago and had our first date in the beginning of February. We were set up on a blind date by his coworker (23F). When I initially met him I was really off put by his appearance (30 lbs overweight) and didn’t think we were in the same league physically. We work similar jobs in finance but my main concern had to do with his woodpecker laugh and that he spoke way too loudly for the speakeasy we were in. I got embarrassed and turned red multiple times but he never got the hint. I got belligerently drunk during the first date so I could sit through it and then he kissed me in the elevator and I got a fluttery feeling in my heart that it was good but my brain my telling me this wasn’t great.
Fast forward to March and he started moving things really quickly- introduced me to all of his friends but it was awkward because he kept calling me his “girl” and not his girlfriend. At that point we had been together for over a month and I got frustrated that he was marching me around like arm candy and hadn’t put a label on the relationship. He got frustrated with me and we got into a screaming match in a uber which resulted in us dating.
I had been thinking about breaking up with him in early April but then he did something really nice for my birthday and decided to keep giving him a chance. Fast forward to today, I met his mom already which was super quick and he planned all these trips for us to go on which I booked flights for. I woke him up this morning and talked through my doubts I realized this morning:

1. I don’t miss him when i’m away from him and don’t yearn for him
2. there’s no lust in the relationship
3. I don’t text him first or really think about him during the day

I feel really bad about sitting him down and expressing my feelings- he asked if something happened or if he gave me an ick in a certain way. He has definitely given me icks from certain things he’s done. I enjoy his personality and who he is, I’m just not physically attracted to him and feel like I could do a lot better and find a partner I have lust/passion for.
Do I have relationship OCD?
‘TL:DR’ - I am having doubts about my relationship because I find my partner physically unattractive.

Hi everybody. I'm sorry for this post, it just got covered and I need to talk it out. This post is essentially a long whining of a young idiot.. If you'll excuse me, I'll start from the beginning.
I am about to turn 21 and for the last two years I have been tormented by the question of faith. I'll come from afar.. I am from Eastern Europe and as a child they tried to instill Orthodoxy in me.. But at the age of 13, I was led away towards rigid atheism. As a result, the question of faith ceased to play any role in my life, but it returned.
I don't know how to explain my condition. I'm scared.. It's scary because it's likely that none of what I'm trying to believe exists. Life after death, creator, the paranormal.. Thanks to registering on reddit and being in groups like afterlife, paranormal and so on, I managed to calm my anxiety. But now that faith has become shaky.. In fact, I am thrown from side to side: I can read something in this topic and faith returns, and then plunge into the comments of materialists and atheists and faith dies.
In fact, faith feeds me.. She supports the desire to live. Without her, there is no meaning in life. It's so terrible to realize that when everyone leaves, everything will go away.. That the day will come when I will no longer hear my father's jokes, the barking of the dog, see my mother's smile and will not be able to watch my younger brother and younger sisters having fun. All this will go away.. Only faith gives hope that something will happen next.
Faith helps me not to fall apart completely. In my 20s, I live with my parents, I can't do anything, I sit at home for days and only faith gives me hope that I need to move on, I need to try to overcome my laziness, fight.. But sometimes, looking at how the number of atheists is growing, how the world's religions are dying, it feels like I'm just a miserable idiot who tries to believe in fairy tales because of my own wretchedness and because of the realization that I missed my youth..
Sometimes it feels like all these attempts to find evidence of faith are just attempts to escape from reality.. A reality in which I will never realize what I wanted.. I won't read books because of laziness, I won't be able to get into a relationship with a goth girl (I keep trying to join this subculture, but it turns out poorly), I won't be able to find friends after university, I won't be able to stop looking ridiculous.. And there will be only work ahead, work, work, work, work, gradual extinction and watching the death of relatives. Phrases like "Life will fly by" "The time of fun has passed and this time is youth" are also annoying.
I'm sorry, this all sounds like the whining of a 13-year-old whiner.. God, I even mentioned the girl... But.. I really don't know what to do.. Faith dies and with it the desire to live fades away. And the feeling that I missed everything.. While my peers are having fun, playing in groups, being realized, I have a feeling that everything is lost

Hey there everyone. Never posted before, so please let me know if I’m breaking any rules. This is Nugget, he’s 7 and he’s been with us since he was 3months old. He’s had a rough ride this past year involving a month out in the wild, being moved across the country, getting a new cat sibling, multiple infections (on the chin/neck area) necessitating many vet trips and finally a multiple day/night stint at an animal hospital to relieve a blocked bladder. This has been quite the saga with all of these issues coming one after another starting with his time out in the wild followed quickly by the cross country move (we thought he was gone and then he came back about a week before we moved from Oregon to Wisconsin).
I can go into much more detail if anyone wants more information, but I thought I would start with a quick summary just to get to the point of this post- as you can see he has a noticeable bald spot on his belly that’s been there ever since we moved. At first I assumed it was due to age like the thinning patches above his eyes, but he was acting weird and he’s had bladder issues in the past, so I brought him in. It might important to note that he’d been urinating regularly with no signs of discomfort and no blood in the urine. I’d been monitoring closely because his last bladder incident had been when he was 3, and had been preceded by several days of noticeable blood in the urine along with clear discomfort in the litter box. Anyway, the vet informed me that the balding was due to overgrooming which is a sign of pain. They drew urine and found a lot of crystals but no bacteria and no blood. They flushed his bladder and sent us home. Less than 24hr later Nugget was fully blocked and unable to go, which prompted the 3day stay at the hospital where they catheterized him and cleaned him out. Ever since then he’s been acting more like himself than he has since returning from his outdoor adventure in Oregon, but as you can see the hair has refused to grow back. I have a Petcube monitoring the litter boxes, so I know he’s going normally and I haven’t seen any blood. I kind of assume that the stress from the last vet visit is what precipitated the full blockage (I understand this might be completely unfair to the vet, they’re nice people, I could be way wrong, I will add context below), so I figured I would put it before you fine folks to see if anyone has any ideas on what’s going on or suggestions on how to proceed?
Additional Possibly Relevant Information

• Nugget got out late June 2023, returned early August a week before we moved. His vet in Oregon found nothing concerning other than a few ticks. Behaviorally he was normal, he seemed extremely happy to be back.
  
• We drove my car to Wisconsin, it took 4 days, he did awesome in the car.
  
• Day one in our new place he killed a mouse and ate half of it. The next day we noticed a lump on his neck. Vet drained it (couldn’t say what had caused it) and gave us antibiotics. We went and lived at my in laws for two weeks and found a non-mouse infested apartment to live in. Nugget seemed to be doing great after the antibiotics.
  
• Lived in a tiny, crappy apartment for two months. Nugget hates the apartment and seems to be getting depressed😔. This is when we started to notice acne/bald patches and general irritation on his chin. Started treating with chlorhexidine.
  
• October we move into a house. Nugget loves it, seems to be thriving, even gets out one day while we’re at work and comes back as soon as we got home. Chin is looking much better.
  
• December we get another cat. Always felt like nug wanted a friend, he’s had long term roommates in the past that he got along with great, so far seems good.
  
• January he’s acting weird, sleeping and hanging in the basement, antisocial. This is when it all went down with the bladder. At the initial appt where they flushed him they found an abscess on his lip that they drained. Next day he’s hurting so I bring him to hospital where he spends the next few days. They culture the abscess and find it to be “pseudo staph intermedia“ (not 100% sure if that was it but they knew it to be some relatively innocuous bug so they weren’t concerned)
  
• Since then we’ve been cleaning his bowl/litterboxes religiously and he’s been much more like himself than he has been since we got to WI. Him and the new cat get along great, he’s even back to playing fetch
  
• He might have another abscess developing on his chin, I noticed some irritation yesterday when I was petting him there, seemed like a small bump was there today. That was another reason why I finally decided to make this post after thinking about it for so long.
  

So that’s pretty much the whole saga. Could all of this be related? Any advice or suggestions are more than welcome and very much appreciated. Thank you

I switched countries this year and this guy who liked me confessed to me after I left how much he liked me in school and how I was his first crush. The funny thing is I liked bro back as well and knew about it, but my friend who I told about this said that he already liked someone else so I gave up and moved on. Now it's like I can't miss a day without talking to him and how much I appreciate his presence.
I regret not asking him out sooner and he does it too, I can't recommend enough how much you should confess to your crush but at the end there is nothing to lose. Yes they might gossip about it with their friend group for a while but if they aren't terrible people they would let it go eventually but don't let it stop you from confessing. Either you can confess now or live with those feelings of regret for the rest of high school.

Me and my gf moved in together after being together for a year. We lived for a year together it was great.... then out of the blue she let her anxiety of her thinking I cheated get to her she communicated with her mom and she just up and left me a month and a half ago I was completely caught of guard. It destroyed me. I begged for her back as I never cheated and I never would. She realized it wasn't that as I didn't cheat and that the problem was that she felt scared to communicate with me and realized she lost herself the last 9 months living with me. She then made me feel taken for granted as we had so much loving times that she summarized the entire relationship as a nightmare when in reality it was actually healthy to me. But to her she never communicated this as clearly and I guess the feelings were one sided. I learned to listen and make her feel cared for truly during this month and listen to her when she asks for space as she always stated I was never truly there for emotionally. But I thought I was. It was me coping with the fact that I gave her everything I could made her a priority to me. I spoiled her with treats and gifts and just out right made her my everything. We both worked at home and I day trade for a living so most my free time was with her.
As you can see the post says we bf gf. She says she love me and that she wants me but she also pushes me away asking for space and peace. Any convo that is about hashing out our differences she just tells me she can't be doing this anymore.
So essentially I either have to stay with her and accept the facts of things now or move on. I love her so much I miss her so much, I began to focus on my craft again and feel better on my day to days. Issue is whenever I receive a message from her my heart drops even if it's positive I feel so much anxiety sadness etc it crushes my days. There is times I wake up ready to kick the days ass but then poof she makes me feel awful as she is a reminder of my heartbreak. It's weird it's like she still there but not really. So I hurt so much. She accepted the reality faster than me and is literally just living her life like she full again. She tells me not to be going out with friends but to heal but she constantly goes out to the mall or shopping with her bestfriend. Daytime shit. She tells me to have trust in eachother as she has faith we will make it out. But then she tells me she has flashbacks and nightmares of the time with me.
As I lose myself now she is finding herself. I feel twisted alone.
Makes me feel so conflicted as I don't feel a negative thing about our past other than the way she up and left me. I lost a lot of trust in her. She blocked me on insta gives me so many red flags like seeing her snap score popping off now but feeds me so much words to keep me around. I don't understand why she would feed me so much to keep me around when I lose her her peace by my "drama". Telling me to be loyal and work inwardly not outwardly with distractions. She seems to take this as if she solid and I'm just to deal with it all when my life feels empty af now safely. That's the cost of making someone your everything. And now I miss and want her back so bad but she says to focus on the day to day and stop trying to get what we once had but instead focus on building that. My life feels empty like this as I feel directionless here. What is truly what she doing here?
TLDR: gf broke up moved out got back with me and now I'm unsure of the integrity of the relationship. Is she just not treating it serious anymore?

Hello Reddit.
I, (21F), and my boyfriend, (25M), have been dating for two years. We have been long distance for most of the relationship but I am moving in with him soon! However, I am not a fan of his mom. He recently asked me to go on a trip with him to see his parents and of course, I said yes, but I am dreading it. I've tried to give her the benefit of the doubt but gosh, she makes it hard. My boyfriend knows I don't like her and I would rather not interact with her if I don't have to. His mother is a sore subject in our relationship. He wants me to put more effort in so that she will like me but she's not a person I want to be around. Here's why:
She's manipulative. I have recollection of too many instances where she would guilt him and throw fits like a child if he was doing something she didn't like. For example, he lost his job and in the days that followed, he was having a terrible time. I paid for his airfare to come visit and hopefully let go of some stress. When I went to pick him up at the airport, she called before he even got in my car and asked why his location was off. He lied to her so she wouldn't get angry with him, felt guilty, and then told her he came to see me. She flipped out on him and hung up the phone. Later, she called back, flipped out on him again, and said that if he wanted a "vacation" he could have driven home to see her instead. She then proceeded to hang up on him, again, which is a pet peeve of his.
She's needy. Calling him frequently to check in was not uncommon. He used to get nervous if he didn't pick up her calls. It didn't matter what we were doing, including times of intimacy, he had to answer. Sometimes, if he didn't, she would double call and have nothing important to say. This has ruined romantic occasions many times.
She's weird. When we first talked about moving in together, he told his mom and her reaction was far from happy. She said "whatever, I'm not worried about it," and that's a strange response. She didn't like the idea and suggested that he move back into her house instead. What????? Also, I hate mustaches. She likes them. Her husband has one, so obviously she finds them attractive. So when my boyfriend shaved his face and left the stash, she told him to call me and tell me that SHE likes it and she wants him to keep it. I had nothing to say on that call, I just smiled. Weird!
She holds things over his head. He is paying off school loans and she manages that for him and he agreed to pay her back once he had a stable income. The problem was, the pay at his first job was horrible. He would work 6 days a week and still fail to make ends meet. She was getting mad that he wasn't paying her back fast enough. He was allowed to go out and have fun, but god forbid he ever came to visit me. She would say "you're on vacation with your girlfriend while I'm working to pay your loans". Keep in mind, I was the one who did 70% of the traveling and I always paid for his flights or I split the cost with him. He took days off TWICE throughout our whole relationship, but it was still a huge problem for her.
She's shady. Turns out, the reason she was pressing him so hard about paying her back was because she took money from a family member without their consent, and was trying to replace it before anyone noticed. She also does not speak to most of her family and has little friends, which is a red flag paired with her behaviors, in my opinion.
She is a hypocrite. Unfortunately, because of the circumstances in my relationship, we've gotten into some nasty fights. She has heard about these and has labeled me a "distraction" to him and called me "dramatic". I will admit, I cry a lot when I am in an argument because it sucks! I don't want to fight with someone I love! I will also admit, I have been wrong in arguments. That's life. However, for her to label me as such, and proceed to act the way she does at her age, is a gross understatement of hypocrisy.
To wrap things up, I don't like her but I do respect her since she is the mother of the man I love. I don't think she likes me at all and she sees me as a problem but boy, I love her son. Probably more than she'll ever know. I've tried talking to her, I've bought her breakfast, I've spent time with her away from my boyfriend, I've traveled far to go to their home, and sent her flowers on Mothers Day, so obviously I care. I'm not a fan favorite but his only other girlfriend wasn't either so I like to think I'm not the problem. So, AITAH for wanting to stay the hell away from this woman?

So I'm a guy, turning 30 very soon. After kinda sitting on the sidelines for a few years while I got my life where I wanted it to be, and finished dealing with some issues, waited for the worst of covid to be behind us, I started putting my best foot forward seriously trying to date 2 or so years ago. I feel like I've tried just about everything I can think of, and I haven't been on even one date since, never mind getting into a relationship.
I've never been one to get too fazed dealing with challenges, I keep composed, work hard if needed, and wait for tough times to pass. Even when I had cancer a few years ago, and I went through it stoically, it was less than 7 months between diagnosis and my final chemo session(over 5 years remission now). I thought this would just be another challenge to work through but I'm feeling really directionless now, no idea what I should do next.
I'm at that point in my life where what I want to find that person I can share life with. And then kids... I've known in my heart since I was a kid myself that I want to be a dad one day, and I think I'm as ready emotionally and financially as I'll ever be, but it feels really far away right now.
The hardest part is not knowing where I'm going wrong, if I were actually going on dates, maybe find out we're not a fit and then move on, that would be fine, it'd be something I can learn from, it would help me continue growing as a person, but now I'm just stuck. I know that there's much more to relationships than just getting that first date, and the fact that this has become such a roadblock just makes me concerned about every other step on the road ahead, especially since it's been more than a few years now since I've been at that point.
I've been on the apps, hinge, bumble, match, including premium subs, haven't kept count but I probably sent out thousands of likes on bumble, and then maybe a thousand messages out between hinge and match, got maybe 8 serious matches and like 3 actual conversations that eventually fizzled, and one date agreed on that seemingly stood me up and unmatched before I even got to the coffee shop(I still waited, no dice). I put lots of effort into my profiles, I've had photo's professionally taken (the lady taking the photo's knew what they were for), I've sought out profile and messaging advice, made sure I got perspectives from women, tried all sorts of different ideas, and nothing changed.
I don't think I've been all that picky either, really just 3 things on my "list", agreement on future family planning, someone who I believe I can be active with, since that's become very important to me(and honestly doing rec sports together sounds great), and my one kinda superficial point is someone of a similar background to myself, outside of that I've kept an open mind.
I've been to like 9-10 singles mixers/speed dating events/etc, not bad experiences but also nothing really coming of them, one match who didn't end up responding to my message. I've tried some different hobbies that put myself in spots to meet people, tried a couple dance classes, and couple other types of hobby related activities, in those cases I figured that I probably wouldn't end up sticking with them long enough to get to a point where I'm not going to not just be "that guy" doing something to only meet women, which is not a good look, probably makes them uncomfortable, which I don't wanna do. I think I can find an interest in a lot of things if I were sharing the experience with someone rather than just going alone trying something. I think a big part of any relationship is taking an interest in each other interests. Something as simple as just cooking dinner together sounds so good right now lol, I'm just rambling here but it's never really taken that much to make me happy tbh.
I think activities I genuinely enjoy will probably make me more relaxed and able to just be comfortable being myself, and supposedly more attractive as well, which is something I have been looking for. A big one I found is playing co-ed rec league sports, honestly have had a really good time playing them and they're a great way to be active, so I'm going to keep doing that. It's been good for meeting new people too, but basically all of the women I've met at these I eventually find out through conversations that they're already seeing someone, or they're clearly there with their partner. I've come across that a lot elsewhere too, friends of people I meet, and my own friends, and anyone they know are all also partnered off, so even if they'd like to set me up, they don't know anyone.
I should mention that I didn't go into any activity and just start hitting on anyone or with a primary mindset of meeting someone, I would go for the sake of the activity itself, try to enjoy it, talk to people (not just women) and see what happens from there.
I also started working with a matchmaker several months back, quite pricey but I thought given where I am in my life it made sense as an investment. I did my research and I don't have regrets, but so far its 1 match that I knew wasn't a fit (on me for not mentioning something during my intake) and a second match who turned me down, TBD where that goes from here.
People have told me that I'm doing the right things, and maybe I am, but at the same time I think it would be hard for anyone who puts a lot of effort towards something, not just dating, anything, not see any sign of progress, and not have a loss of faith in the process. I don't have a moment in the last 2 years to like.. hold onto as a sign this isn't all futile. I was way more sure of myself 2 years ago, I'm not spending all my time thinking about this, but when I take a moment to stop and reflect, I really wonder where this is all going wrong.
Since I guess some might ask for context, I'm about 6 ft, about average looking I would assume, european mixed white background, in good shape, go to the gym, take care of myself (looking for a partner, not another mother, lol), good job, have my own apartment, I think that I'm living decently close to my best life otherwise. I'm on the reserved side, I know that I'm not perfect, when I find faults with myself I work on them to improve... but that's not a prerequisite for anyone else to find someone, so it has to be something about me, and I'm not going to blame anyone else. I will press on, not give up, but when a pattern persists and the results stay the same, you have to change how you do things, but I don't know what that means right now, maybe I'll find some kind of direction from making this post. :)

Im 8dpo (31F lap turned abdominal. Kept ovaries and cervix) and i think im past the worst of it. While im still pretty much couch ridden, I figured I would put this out there to maybe help someone else preparing for their surgery! Obviously we all know these experiences are highly personal and will not be exactly like anyone elses experience, but I personally found it helpful gathering peoples experiences and reflecting based on what I know about myself so I thought id write the kind of post Id want to read! I tried to make easy to skim but also included plenty of details!
Heres some things Im glad I did beforehand

• washed and changed my bed sheets -cleaned my bathroom well
• moved things i knew i would need to a hight where I don’t have to bend down to get them. I moved my toilet paper to easy accessible places, my pj shirts and underwear on top of my dresser. Set up a bed stand for water and meds. Also moved my fridge around.
• as for buying stuff, i mostly had everything i needed but was glad to have comfy sweat pants, backless slippers and highwasted underwear. Also those rechargeable battery bricks were handy for charging my phone in the hospital or sitting somewhere not near an outlet. -exercised. Dont stress about this one, i know chronic pain is often the reason for this surgery. I had to stop my routine months before surgery for this reason. But I was glad to be familiar with proper squat form and have strong arms and legs to help get myself up and down without using my core. I also did yoga therapy that helped me understand how to transfer my weight to different parts of my body which helped too!

Heres some things i was extremely stressed about but ended up not being a problem
-Food. My mom came and cooked me some large portion of meals. I ended up throwing most of it away. The idea was to freeze some of it but it was too much of a hassle. I didn’t have much of an appetite and definitely gravitated towards things in the BRAT diet especially bread. I spent the first few days eating like i had the flu and was really sensitive to grease. My mom made wedding soup and it was too greasy. I think i could have survived this week just on a package of bagels and different spreads.
-cleaning and chores. Im pretty sure I have OCD.. this experience has confirmed it. I looked out at my thriving garden yesterday and said to my partner absent mindedly “wow. Things really thrive when im not out there being over involved “ and like wow that is a lesson i did not expect to learn. My partner has been clearing the dishes each day and did some more involved chores once this week. So if you live alone I would advise paper plates and maybe some to help ya once a week for the first week at least.
-in terms of my surgery i was really scared of having a catheter which i did end up needing to have for a day. It was weird but not at all painful. Honestly it was kind of the worst part of my recovery so far just because i felt i had to pee so bad while it was in. Idk if thats typical. Taking it out was not at all painful but also weird. They used the catheter to put sterile water back in my bladder. As soon as i felt a twinge of uncomfortable full feeling i told my nurse. She removed the catheter and i peed it back out no problem.
-being bored. This week has felt like one day. Since it takes me 10x as long to do anything, the days are flying by. I got myself plenty of low key things to do (crafts, activity books, ect) and haven’t even had time to do any of them yet! I still have a feeling this will change in the coming weeks though..
-having enough help. I secretly wished one of my friends or family members would stay with me for a while just so I could be the solo focus of their attention. I live with my partner and two dogs and he has been totally enough support. I needed help getting up and down up until about day 5. He also makes my meals and cleans them up for me and would bring me my meds and water the first few days. I think it makes sense if you live alone to have someone stay a week with you, but ive been fine and honestly anytime someone has come to “help” its just felt draining. I didn’t know how much of a hermit I would wana be.
-my dogs. I piled myself in pillows if i was sitting on the couch with them. I also had a no chew spray near by that we used when they were pups but only had to use it one time. My partner helped to coral them the first few days too. I have not yet been puppy stomped
-the stairs. Its been fine I just have to go slow.
Heres some things I found out along the way that were helpful

• keep cough drops in your pocket. Coughing aint fun and my throat was irritated from being intubated for about 4 days after surgery. Also keep the paper so you can spit em out when they’ve done the job if you want. I started getting a tummy ache from having too many.

-keep lil pillows by your toilet. The hospital gave me one that was plasticy and easy to wipe off (like an outdoor pillow insert). Or even a balled up towel would work. I couldn’t wear a binder because of all my incisions but this helped take the pressure off my stomach/incisions when i needed to have a bowel movement.
-if you stack pillows on either side of you, they can act as “arms” that are handy to push down on when you get up.
-sip your water and take your stool softeners as soon as they say you can! It took me until day 4 to poop but it was no problem when it happened.
-lots of deep slow breaths to calm your nerves and pain.

• those squeezable applesauce packs. Great for when you take your pain pills.

Heres some challenges I encountered that surprised me.
-my throat was so sore! For the first 4 days my throat was irritating, it felt like I had a flap of skin sticking down. The first day it hurt but the rest was just so annoying.

• breathing was a challenge. The first few days i was in bed, it was hard to breathe. I couldn’t take a Deep belly breath because of my incisions. I tried to regularly take a big breath filling my lungs though. Once i started being able to get up and walk around it became less of a problem. I think they have a tool for this at the hospital too but i was not offered it and forgot to ask.

-always laying on my back is getting old. I haven’t quite figured it out yet but im getting there.
-not really a challenge but my lower belly is numb. Apparently that can just happen (even long term). Which has actually been helpful since I can’t feel my lower abdominal incision at all
Lastly!! The pain/symptom scale: Day 0: honestly don’t remember much except feeling i need to pee and my throat being sore. Day 1: was still in the hospital. Pain like cramps and burning pain near certain incisions. I was able to walk the hall but very tired after. Sore throat. Day 2: burning pain near bellybutton incisions. Heavy lung feeling. Left the hospital. Day 3: heavy lung feeling. Pinching pain in incisions whenever I stood or sat. Had some moderate discharge that was yellowish with red and brown. Otherwise no pain Day 4: more like a sharp ache when i stood/sat. Discharge again but a very light amount. Day 5: felt strides..any pain was mild cramping. Tried to shower myself and make myself breakfast which led me to be very tired for the rest of the day. Day 6: most tired yet. Pain the same Day 7: felt like turning a page. Pain very little and energy very good.

Race Information

• Name: Colfax Marathon
• Date: May 19, 2024
• Distance: 26.2 miles
• Location: Denver, CO
• Website: https://www.runcolfax.org/
• Strava: https://www.strava.com/activities/11448438544
• Time: 2:38:18

Goals

Goal	Description	Completed?
A	Sub 2:30	No
B	Sub 2:35	No
C	Finish!	Yes

Splits

Mile	Time
1	5:37
2	5:36
3	5:37
4	5:41
5	5:45
6	5:45
7	5:52
8	5:45
9	5:35
10	5:39
11	5:38
12	5:42
13	5:38
14	5:35
15	5:44
16	5:34
17	5:26
18	5:26
19	5:23
20	5:26
21	5:42
22	5:41
23	6:17
24	11:11
25	7:30
26	6:28

Background

After years of racing on the track I transitioned to the pavement and ran my first HM at the end of 2022. In the ~1.5 years since then, I’ve trained almost exclusively for the HM running one in May and December of last year.
Since college, I’ve mostly hovered around 50-60 mpw never really drifting higher than 80. I’ve always been hesitant to run more than that due to a stress fracture I got junior year when I was pushing 90+ weeks. But last summer I raced in the Denver iteration of the Tracksmith 5000 twilight meet and realized the main difference in my training compared to everyone faster than me was their higher mileage. Volume is king.
That has been the goal of my training since then – increasing my mileage and getting comfortable with 100 mile weeks. Before the 5k I was averaging about 55 mpw per 12-week cycle, and since then I’ve averaged 78 mpw per cycle with a few 100 mi weeks sprinkled in.
My original plan for 2024 was to keep running HMs, but my friend convinced me to run my first marathon this year. He was entered into Chicago, so I applied and got in via the lottery. I wanted to run an HM this spring, but everyone I talked to said I should get a marathon under my belt, so I could have things really dialed in for Chicago. Enter Denver's Colfax Marathon.

Training

I have had good success following the Pfitz HM plans so I stuck with him and roughly followed his 12/85+ plan. For the most part I felt ok with this plan, but I feel like there wasn't enough quality work. For example, one week is 105 total miles with the only real workout being 7 mi @ LT. Maybe that's just the formula some weeks for marathon training but it felt like too much easy running. I ended up tweaking some weeks and swapping an easy day for an additional threshold workout.
I had a few rough weeks where I had trouble holding MP for even a mile or two. Before you ask, no - I don't think it was from these additional workouts I sprinkled in, but poor nutrition and not eating enough. Once I upped the carb and protein intake for a few weeks my energy levels started to come back.
The last few weeks of training things finally started to click and wrapped up the block with a 10k PR, 32:20 (31:35ish? altitude conversion). Previous PR was a 32:59 split during a HM. I don’t put too much stock into conversions, but it was a big confidence boost and sign I was trending in the right direction. I followed that up a week later with my best workout of the block, a 23-miler with 13.1 mi @ 5:38 avg.
Unfortunately, I caught a stomach bug during the taper and spent 4-days unable to keep any food down. I barely ran, but focused on recovery with a few runs to keep the legs from feeling too stale.

Pre-race

Nothing earth shattering here. 6AM race. Woke up at 3 for two pop tarts and half a bagel and went back to sleep for a bit. Ate half of a Clif bar at 5 AM before a short 1.5 mi warmup and drills at 5:30. It was going to be 60-65 degrees for most of the race so I made an effort to get a lot of fluids down.

Race

The course is conveniently broken down into 5 sections so I'll break down the race by those.
Section 1: 0 - 6.5 mi
The course starts with a long gradual downhill through downtown. The marathon relay starts at the same time so we went out a little hot. I wanted to start the first half of the race running 5:50s, but the front relay runners went out at 5:00 pace and I got pulled into 5:35’s. I scanned the pack for people without batons and found 2 other non-relay runners nearby. They were shooting for ~2:40 so we were all able to slow things down as a pack and settled into 5:45s. Took my first gel at mile 5 going into Mile High.
Section 2: 6.5 - 9.2 mi
Big uphill out of the stadium before lapping Sloan’s Lake. We started to catch back up to some relay teams at this point and it gets nice and flat around the lake. Our little pack picked up the pace and we clicked off a few 5:35s. Second gel a little earlier than I wanted at mile 9, but I wanted to take advantage of the water station shortly after.
Section 3: 9.2 -15.2 mi
My least favorite part of the course. It’s mostly a gradual uphill into a hilly little neighborhood with a lot of turns sprinkled in. Our pack was all alone at this point, in no man's land between the faster relay teams and everyone else. We went through the halfway mark a tad under 1:15 and one of the lead guys (who I later found out was 2:11 marathoner Fernando Cabada) started wondering if we could hit the Colorado state masters marathon record of 2:28. I wanted to slow things down during this hilly section, but hmm maybe? We kept pushing. 3^rd gel at mile 15.
Section 4: 15.2 – 19.2 mi
At this point, the 3rd guy dropped so it was just me and Fernando. This section of the course is long, straight, and back down the gradual uphill we made our way up earlier. Again, he asked, “2:28”? Sure, might as well try. I knew we still had a long way left, but I was feeling good and feeling greedy. We took advantage of the downhill and clicked off a few miles at 5:25. Fourth and final gel going back into the stadium at mile 19.
Section 5: 19.2 – 26.2 mi
I knew this section would be tough. It’s a few miles of flat, before a few miles of gradual uphill through downtown and back into the park. There’s a tight hairpin turn from the bike path up into the streets of downtown and it was here that I felt a quick little spasm in my hamstring. I slowed things down a little hoping to stave off anything more, but both hamstrings and quads completely cramped up right before mile 23. I couldn’t take a step without my legs cramping up again so I stood there for a few minutes debating the DNF. Even my toes started cramping!
After a few painful minutes, I was finally able to move my legs so I decided I would at least walk it in and get a finishing time even if I had to crawl across the line. The last 3 miles were at a slow jog to prevent more cramping, but I ran into a few friends spectating so spirits remained somewhat high through the finish.

Post-race

I’m proud of myself for finishing the race even if it wasn’t the outcome I wanted. I can officially call myself a marathoner. I went for it. I failed, but that's running. My legs had been feeling tight since being sick so maybe that played a part, but I definitely should have increased fluid intake throughout the race. A lot of woulda coulda shouldas, but it was a huge learning experience which was the main point of signing up for this race in the first place.
I'm feeling extra motivated and ready to rip at Chicago. Hope to see some of y’all there!
Made with a new race report generator created by u/herumph.

I've interacted with a lot of immigrants in my life. Some have fled from war and terror, others have moved here for work or love.
While some come here without fluency in neither Norwegian nor English, others are native English speakers; and in my experience, the better someone's English is, the longer it takes them to learn Norwegian.
There's been a steady uptick of posts in this sub from people looking to move here, and most of you (obviously) speak English quite well. No doubt, knowing English will make it easier for you to get by in Norway without knowing our language.
However, while it can be difficult for anyone to connect with new people in this country, learning the language is a huge part of integrating into Norwegian society. Just because many of us are decent English speakers, doesn't mean we don't care if we speak Norwegian or English. In my experience, most Norwegians very much prefer our mother tongue.
So – if you've moved here from a different country, or if you're seriously thinking about doing so – make an effort to learn the language. Take a class. Insist on speaking Norwegian with Norwegian friends and family, even when they won't stop speaking English to be kind.
I know learning a new language is difficult as an adult. Fais moi confiance, je sais. But it's well worth the effort.

TLDR: Shooting a very close friends wedding NEXT WEEK! Never shot one before, it will be small (around 20 guests) and he wants it to have an 'intimate feel'. ANY tips? Or recommendations of YouTubers to binge watch in the short time I have to prep would be an amazing help!! Thank you!
Hi All!
I'm a lifelong hobby photographer, recently made the change from Automotive to people having moved to the country where the car scene is virtually non existent. For the past couple of months I've been shooting couples/portraits to build somewhat of a portfolio and gain confidence before I delve into engagements and eventually weddings.
A friend of mine knows about this, is very supportive (sent a few couples my way to get a shoot done), and initially asked me to cover their wedding. I turned them down as I didn't feel comfortable covering a close friend's wedding when I haven't even shadowed a seasoned photographer yet, and the risk of messing up my friends special day made me nervous.
He ended up going with an acquaintance of his who has now dropped out at the very last moment (The wedding is next week!), and understandably stressed my friend asked again if I could do their wedding, saying he trusts I'll get photos he likes (We used to shoot street photos together and we like each others style).
Long story short, I feel like I can produce 'good' images, but there's a reason I wanted to wait a lot longer before doing weddings, and having my first time, when I'm not experienced, be a close friend is stressing me out!
So I'm here for any kind of tips you guys can offer, how to plan my day and what key shots I absolutely CANNOT miss (And how to prepare for them!), or any recommendations on YouTubers I could learn from in the short time I have.
As for equipment, I've got a single Canon R6mk2 (Part of wanting to wait was to buy a second body before I shot such an important day), a 16 2.8, a 50 1.8 and a 85 f2. I also have two goddox flashguns w/ trigger, stands and boxes. I'm not planning to use the lighting, but it'll be going with me on the day incase we end up taking any portraits etc indoors due to weather (Low chance of rain).
So yeah, that's about it, thank you for reading this stress essay, and any help you can offer would be amazing!

I thought the day would never come that I’d finally get over the loss of my best friend. We were friends from 8 years old until 27. My marriage fell into shambles and my husband pushed us into non monogamous relationships. It was hell but my best friend comforted me through it. She even was encouraging as I connected with a man I never should have but when he and I were to meet at a hotel and spend a week together her religious conviction took precedence. She told me how she felt and I listened but obviously felt that since I was an adult it was my right to choose my own path but she however decided to go behind me and tell her mother so she would then tell my mother and blow my world apart. My mother didn’t speak to me for a month afterwards and we lived next door.
It took a lot to forgive her for shoving me out of a closet she knew I didn’t even want to be a part of and permanently damaging my relationship with my family but I did forgive her and I tried desperately to connect with her. I ended that romantic relationship and eventually my marriage and had a new life with a new man just the two of us and was picking up the pieces of my life.
But all she did was leave me on read. Never answered. I was there for her grandfathers funeral still but finally I needed an answer. It had been two years since she decided for religious reasons to implode my life and outside of her grandfathers death she’d ignored me.
So I reached out and this was her reply:
JAN 27, 2021 AT 4:12 AM Me: Hey can I ask you something JAN 27, 2021 AT 8:09 PM Me: That answers my question then JAN 29, 2021 AT 2:06 AM Me: Do you still think of us as friends? JAN 29, 2021 AT 9:07 AM Me: If you don't I understand, I just want to know where I stand and I think any person deserves to hear that directly rather than just thru loss of connection. I did some things I'm not proud of and regret but you've never even given me the chance to tell you that. Every time l've tried to see you you've dodged the question entirely. I ended that ridiculous relationship a long time ago and straightened out my life. I wished I could have sat and talk to you face to face about all that but you've made it clear you didn't want to see me. So l just want a chance to tell you finally that the things I did that were wrong were almost immediately ended. I also want to know where I stand with you for real. If you don't want to be my friend anymore then l'll go but I deserve to hear that from you rather than assume it. JAN 29, 2021 AT 11:47 AM Me: I can see you're just going to leave me on read then. I will accept that as your answer and I'm sorry to see the 19 years we've had is over and even more so without an answer from you as to exactly why
15 days later FEB 12, 2021 AT 9:58 PM Her: My NAME, I'm sorry that l've only just been able to get back to you. I was very emotionally spent when you texted me because Sugar (her dog) has been in and out of the vet and ER for weeks for her health and I am very stressed with that. She is not doing well. I do believe that we are on very different life paths now. There is nothing wrong with life bringing change and I am very glad we had so many fun adventures together growing up, but, unfortunately, I don't recognize my childhood friend in the person I see you as now. I feel like it is best to move on and grow on our own separate paths. I wish only happiness and health for you and your family. I would like to apologize for not being more present during the times when you needed a good friend close by. I don't consider this a failed friendship. I wish you nothing but good for your future and I am sad to see it end in this way.
I didn’t have the words to reply to that message. She chalked up 19 years to “fun adventures”, we went to college together, she was my maid of honor, I was at the airport when she left the country for a year, she went with me and my family every summer to my grandmothers lake cabin. I tried many times after to contact her and was left on read until her father died then she needed me and I was there but after that I was back to being left on read and then after Sept 18 2021 she didn’t even read them anymore
On Dec 22nd 2022 I sent my final message which I then unsent and never tried again. I had been and would continue to regularly dream about her. Dreams of reconnecting finally but usually just about seeing her but she would not speak to or look at me. Those dreams haunted me and I just wanted them to stop.
I got married two months ago, I have my own place, I have custody of my son, I have a beautiful life that I fought through hell to get and I saw a post shared in another group this morning from someone completely left out of a girls trip and how broken hearted they felt. That was the first I’d even thought of my ex best friend since idk when. I realized then that I don’t think about her anymore.
So to my ex best friend I’d like to say, I don’t miss you anymore, outside of rare random updates from my mother who’s still kept at an arms length friendship with your mother I don’t even think about you anymore. I don’t wonder anymore if your husband got his visa or if you’ve decided to have a family. I don’t wonder if you got your own home or if your business ever took off. I don’t miss our yearly trips to my grandmothers lake cabin. I don’t wonder anymore why I was not even a part of your wedding when we were 26 when you’d been my maid of honor 4 years prior. You were the first person I called when I started contracting in labor with my son but he’s 8 now and doesn’t even know your name because I don’t speak about you anymore. I don’t care about you anymore and it doesn’t hurt anymore. I’m glad you’re not my friend any longer because you never truly were the friend to me I was to you. Yes there were many times you were not a “good friend” but I didn’t need a “good friend close by”. I needed my best friend and you were not there, not for much of the good or the bad unless I made the effort first. I look back now and can see how little there was to even really miss and I can thank you now for leaving my life. I’m glad you’re gone.
I have healed from you.

/uw Part four is here! Here's part one, part two, and part three! This one's probably a little more unpolished than the other ones, but I hope that doesn't ruin it! CW: Death, blood. I made a render in blender, but it got the post removed! Take two!
/rw
The end of the book, thin as it is, draws near. The text is overwritten dozens of times, always with the same phrase: "IT WAS AN ACCIDENT". Same as the other pages, though, it's easy enough to look past the bad coverup job. History cannot be erased, after all.
...
When I arrived at the hospital, I was in bad shape. I had a fractured skull, a missing eye, a lesion in my frontal lobe, and I was in hypovolemic shock. They didn't think I was going to make it.
It was a miracle that I even woke up from my two-week coma, but it wasn't all perfect. From the moment I opened my eye(s), I didn't know where I was. I had to relearn everything. My name, my address, my identity... They were all gone.
It was as if I was a new man who'd been transported into a stranger's body. Everyone talked to me as if they knew me, but I couldn't say the same for them. Especially that drow, Eldred. He claimed we were childhood friends. Every day, he'd tell me stories of our history together, but they were stories I never wanted to hear. It felt wrong listening to him talk, knowing there was a man who knew more about me than I did.
The moment I was discharged, I fled to my apartment. I drew the blinds, locked the door, and cut off all contact from the outside world. I wanted to run away from it all, to start a new life, not some travesty of another man's life.
After a few days of my isolation, Eldred (presumably) got worried about me, and came knocking on my door. I didn't answer. I wanted nothing to do with him—or anyone, for that matter. He was a remnant of my old life, and I couldn't let him influence me.
A couple days later, he did the same thing. He offered some kind, reassuring words through the door and left. He did this again, and again, and again, for weeks. I was running low on food and supplies, so I was faced with a choice: leave my safe haven, or starve to death in my own home. I didn't like either option. Although... there was another way.
After 17 days of his repeated attempts, I finally answered the door.
"Ith!" Eldred cheered. "You... you really answered!"
"Yeah."
"So uh... Have you been doing alright?"
"I'm fine."
He looked over my shoulder. "Have... you not left the house?"
"Not yet."
"Jesus, Ithael..." He pulled me in for a hug, but I didn't react. "Do you, uh, need anything?"
"Could... you go to the market for me?"
He let go of me. "Yeah, of course! I'll... I'll be back!"
"Alright."
I slammed the door in his face. Just another echo of my old life, that's all he was... A few hours later, he knocked on the door again. I almost didn't answer, but then I remembered he had my groceries.
He exclaimed with clearly-forced optimism, "Heyyyy! Hope you've been alright! So, I was thinking, and... I was wondering if you wanted to do dinner together?"
"Not out there. Never out there. Here. Please."
"I figured you'd say that... so I got ingredients! I found this recipe for some pan-seared chicken in the library earlier, and it sounded really good!"
"...Alright." I took the bags from him and walked over to the kitchen. "Come inside."
"I, uh, was going to make it for you—"
"It's fine," I interjected.
I rummaged through the bags for the cookbook he talked about and flipped through the pages. It didn't look too difficult to make, but I wasn't sure how I knew that. This was the first time I had cooked anything, after all.
Assumedly hearing the pans clattering, Eldred wandered over to the counter, sitting down in a chair across from me. "Need a hand?"
"I'm alright."
"Are you sure? I mean, you were just—"
"Shut it," I commanded. I didn't mean to be so stern. What had come over me? I decided to brush it off. The recipe called for a diced onion... I needed a knife.
He slumped down in his seat. "Sorry... I, uh, got these books for you, by the way."
I glanced up from the cutting board. "...'Healing trauma: a guide for survivors'? And... 'How to cure amnesia'?" I scoffed. "If they could have fixed it, they would have, Eldred. It's incurable."
"We can't know until we try!" He strolled over into the kitchen, flipping to a bookmarked page. "See? This one here says—"
"It doesn't matter."
"Ithael... I'm here for you, man. I'm just trying to help—"
"And I don't care."
I focused myself back to the task at hand, ignoring his look of disdain. The room fell uncomfortably silent. I needed to fillet the chicken. I rummaged through the bags, trying to find—
"Seriously?" Eldred huffed. "I put in all of this work, and you just... don't care?"
"Never asked for it." Now, where was I? Right, chicken—
"That doesn't mean anything! Let me help you, you're clearly struggling!"
"I could manage without you." I continued to avoid eye-contact.
"Why are you so dead-set on pushing me out of your life?!"
"You were never in it to begin with, Eldred. I'm not the Ithael you knew."
"And who cares that you aren't?! Can't we still be friends?"
I tried to explain, "You're just a remnant of my past—"
"And that's an excuse to treat me like shit?! You know what?" He grabbed the books. "I'm done trying to fix you."
"Fix me?" I scoffed. "So I'm a problem, then? Something to be solved?—"
"You're twisting my words! Why... Why do you hate me?!"
"Face it: I'm a different person! Move on with your life, already!"
"What gives you the right to say that?!"
"Oh, what gives me the right?!" I waved the knife around a little too recklessly. "Were you just in a coma for two weeks? Did you just get thrown into a world that knows you better than yourself?! Where's your excuse, huh?!"
"...What do you want from me, Ithael?"
"I want you to get out of my life!"
Time slowed to a crawl as a deep pit formed in my stomach. I yanked my hand back like I'd touched a hot stove, and the knife... clattered to the floor. That look in his eyes... I'd never forget it. I had never seen a man so afraid before.
He grasped at his neck, his face turning pale as his hands soaked with blood. He fell to his knees, mouthing some words at me, but the only sound that came out was a sickening gurgle. He struggled to keep his balance as he fell flat on his face. His breathing grew labored and shaky as he lay there, a crimson puddle forming around his neck.
I knew that I should have gotten help, but, no matter how hard I tried, all I could do was watch. He cried onto the tiled ground, his breathing growing quieter and quieter, until he finally went silent.
What had I done?
...
It seems that he forgot to put any kind of warding spell on this newspaper clipping, as if he didn't expect anyone to get this far. Or perhaps he was too preoccupied with deceiving himself.
"As rumors regarding the disappearance of Eldred Wyndorn continue to circulate, the enigmatic Ithael Ralich opens a new therapist's office. In response to the whispers, Ithael states, 'There's a profound lack of support in this world, and every person could stand to have someone like Eldred by their side. I hope I can step up and fulfill a role he would have approved of.'
In other news, authorities are taking steps to curb the rising number of missing persons cases. Officials urge citizens to adhere to newly-instated curfew until the threat is solved, but claim there's nothing to worr—"

AIO to separate from my spouse?
Quick history: relationship was rocky since early, we got married after knowing each other for a few months. Year 1-3 she endured my BS I endured hers. Having 3 kids, dying close family members and relationship with family coming and going and overall issues of life. We have two completely different styles of communication she is more avoidant I am more willing to communicate than she on pretty much everything. Largely improved on communicating due to my going to therapy.
Recently I engaged her in conversation about how negatively she reacted to me messing up and not following through on an important date for the kids and how when she dropped the ball in similar fashion but I responded in a way to help navigate the mistake so the kids could still get what they needed. In this conversation she brought my ex-wife of 15 years ago who I didn’t have a good relationship with,sex was extremely limited with her(which my current wife developed a habit of bringing up), brings up either my errors as a husband with her or my past relationship, when I gently present her with things she does wrong. Ex-wife cheated on me with a good friend of mine (at the time) so my current wife knowing this fact said that I am the sole reason for my last marriage being sexless. She has negatively mentioned my previous relationship in conversations that she escalates and I’ve kindly responded that this not okay. However this is the 5th time in the last year or so that she has done this. And she seems to be doing so in reaction to my trying to process where we or in this case she did something that needs improvement or needs to stop.
Am I overreacting by telling her I’m moving out? It doesn’t seem like she is able to understand how much that pushes me away from wanting to fix our relationship.

So three years ago I took a vacation to Vegas which began a downward spiral into gambling addiction which has essentially destroyed my life. I currently have about 45k in cc debt, no savings. Up to this point I have lived my entire life with no debt and an almost perfect credit score. I have self excluded from all gambling sites and enrolled in gamblers anonymous. I am also giving my husband my banking login to keep me accountable.
To complicate matters, I bought a house 4 years ago, mortgage entirely in my name but husband on the deed per Ohio law. I got a great rate due to my then stellar credit of like 2.7 percent. Initial mortgage around 120, payoff around 112 now. 2011 Hyundai paid off, not worth much.
My husband and I separated in October. We are still best friends, we just couldn't live together. I moved out and am entirely financially solo He pays the mortgage which is still in my name because to get a new home or refinance now would triple the interest rate.. My bring home is around 2200 a month and expenses minus debt around 18 to 1900. The house has recently been appraised at 22000 by Zillow I believe.
3 weeks ago he secured a heloc to do some repairs on the home which badly need it. It is entirely in his name and I signed that I was not a part of it but was aware it would be against the mortgage. Value of 43000 which he has already disbursed a portion of and has contractors working.
Lawyer says I have too much equity in the home and advises a reappraisal to see if true value is less. Hubby willing to see but very very hesitant to put house at risk. I don't live in the home so cannot reaffirm apparently. It's just considered an asset. Any insight here? Trying to put my life back together and if this doesn't work I am just lost.