PRICE IS $3500 (Less than half of what steam account is worth)
These are just the games in my library. I have lots of dlc and in game purchases. If you have a question about a specific game or anything else just dm me
Aimlabs AirMech Among Us Apex Construct Apex Legends ARK: Survival Ascended ARK: Survival Evolved ARK: Survival Of The Fittest Awesomenauts Banana Shooter Batman: Arkham Asylum GOTY Edition Batman: Arkham City GOTY Batman™: Arkham Knight BattleBit Remastered Blade & Sorcery Blood and Bacon Bloons TD 6 Boring Man - Online Tactical Stickman C Brawlhalla Call of Duty® Chivalry 2 Combat Tested Conqueror's Blade Contractors Showdown Contractors VR Core Keeper Cortex Command Counter-Strike 2 Crossout Cyberpunk 2077 DAVE THE DIVER DAYZ DayL CAYZ DayZ Experimental Deadside Demon Slayer -Kimetsu no Yaiba- The H Destiny 2 Devil May Cry 5 Dishonored DOOM Eternall DRAGON BALL FighterZ DRAGON BALL XENOVERSE 2 Drunken Wrestlers 2 Duck Game Dying Light Dying Light 2: Reloaded Edition ELDEN RING Emily is Away Enshrouded The Escapists 2 Factorio Fall Guys Fallout 4 Fallout 76 Fallout 76 Public Test Server Fallout: New Vegas Fallout Shelter FC3 Far Cry® 3 5 Far Cry 5 THE FINALS Fistful of Frags For Honor For Honor - Public Test For The King Formicide fpsVR FreeStyleFootball Full Metal Furies Galactic Junk League Gang Beasts Garry's Mod Gauntlet™ Ghost of Tsushima DIRECTOR'S CUT Gladio Mori Playtest Going Medieval Goose Goose Duck Gorilla Tag Grand Theft Auto V Gray Zone Warfare GUILTY GEAR -STRIVE Half-Life: Alyx Halo Infinite Halo: The Master Chief Collection Happy Wars HAWKED Issue #2 Playtest HELLDIVERS™ 2 Hellish Quart Heroes & Generals Hero's Hour Human Fall Flat Hunger Dungeon Hunt: Showdown Hunt: Showdown (Test Server) IdeOn - The Idle RPG Infestation: The New Z Insurgency: Sandstorm Insurgency: Sandstorm Community Test The Jackbox Party Pack 3 The Lab Last Man Standing Left 4 Dead 2 Lethal Company Lost Ark LuckCatchers Manor Lords Marvel Rivals Playtest Marvel's Avengers - The Definitive Editic Marvel's Avengers Beta Marvel's Guardians of the Galaxy Marvel's Spider-Man RemasteredMechWarrior Online Middle-earth™: Shadow of War™ MORDHAU Mortal Kombat 1 Mortal Kombat 11 Muck Murder Miners MY HERO ULTRA RUMBLE NARAKA: BLADEPOINT NARUTO SHIPPUDEN: Ultimate Ninja STI NARUTO TO BORUTO: SHINOBI STRIKEF NBA 2K23 No Man's Sky Omega Strikers Operator Ori and the Blind Forest Ori and the Blind Forest: Definitive Editic OUTRIDERS Outward OVR Advanced Settings Oxygen Not Included Paladins Paladins - Public Test Palworld P.A.M.E.L.A. Party Animals Passpartout: The Starving Artist Pavlov VR PAYDAY 2 Phasmophobia Pixel Gun 3D: PC Edition PlanetSide 2 PlanetSide 2 - Test Pogostuck: Rage With Your Friends Project Winter Project Zomboid PUBG: BATTLEGROUNDS PUBG: Experimental Server PUBG: Test Server Pummel Party Raft Ravenfield Ready or Not Rec Room Red Dead Redemption 2 - Update Queue Remnant: From the Ashes Resident Evil 5 Rick and Morty: Virtual Rick-ality RIFT RimWorld Ring of Elysium Risk of Rain 2 Robocraft Rocket League ROUNDS Rust Rust - Staging Branch Satisfactory SCP: Secret Laboratory Scrap Mechanic Secret Neighbor Beta Shotgun Farmers The Sims™ 4 Slappyball Slime Rancher SMITE SMITE - Public Test Sons Of The Forest Source Filmmaker Space Engineers Space Hulk: Deathwing Space Hulk: Deathwing - Enhanced Editi Splitgate SpongeBob SquarePants: Battle for Bikir Sprint Vector STAND OUT Star Trek: Bridge Crew Star Trek Online STAR WARS™ Battlefront™ Il STAR WARS™ Jedi Knight: Jedi Academy STAR WARS™: Squadrons STAR WARS™: The Old Republic™ Starbound Starbound - Unstable Stardew Valley Stellaris Stick Fight: The Game Street Fighter™ 6 Subnautica Suicide Squad: Kill the Justice League Super Animal Royale Super Crate Box Tactical Craft Online Teeworlds Terraria theHunter: Call of the Wild™ Time of Dragons Titanfall® 2 tModLoader Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six Siege Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six Siege - Test S Toribash Totally Accurate Battlegrounds Trove Ultimate Chicken Horse UNO Unrailed! Unturned V Rising Valheim Vampire Survivors Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodhunt VRChat VTuber Maker Wallpaper Engine War Thunder Warface: Clutch Warframe Warhammer: Vermintide 2 The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt World of Soccer World of Tanks World of Tanks Blitz World of Warships Your Only Move Is HUSTLE Zero Caliber VR

Backup account because people know my main.
I (M22) have been unhappy for years now. When I lived in my home state, I was homeless and using pills regularly after my parents passed away. Long story short, I met someone (M23) online just before they passed, and he would come to visit me once in a while even though he was about 3 hours away, he's the sweetest and kindest person I've ever met. When my parents passed and I spiraled, he took me home with him. His family has been so amazing to me, and I can't thank them enough for everything they've done.. I have a roof over my head, I haven't taken any pills, I have a full time job and a part time job.. but I feel like such a burden every single day.. I don't make enough money to have my own apartment, even if my partners income was involved, I don't have a car or even a license for that matter.. the average rent in our area is around $2,400 a month. I only make about $2,200 a month between both jobs, and with my secondary insurance, personal items, phone bill, rent, and groceries, I have about $200 left at the end of every pay period (biweekly) to put towards my savings. My partner has student loan payments, car payments, gas, groceries, phone bill, rent and car insurance to pay.. I don't know how much he has left at the end of the month, but he doesn't make much more than me so it can't be a lot. I know this makes me sound like an ungrateful asshole, but I feel like all I do is take up space and cause problems.. I just wanna get on a train and leave, go somewhere out west and wander the streets again.. I was in bad shape last time, but I wasn't a bother to anyone, just the people walking over me on the sidewalk.. maybe I'll find a job out there, change my name, live by myself and leave everything I am right now right here.. I'm so sick and tired of being dependent on other people and making them feel like I'm their responsibility.. I just wanna start over again and keep to myself, I don't want friends anymore, I don't want love I don't want people anymore I'm so sick and tired of caring about everything.. I just wanna go away.

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At the world’s top college of magic and technology, every day brings a new discovery -and a new disaster. The advanced experiments of the college students tend to be both ambitious and apocalyptic, with the end of the world only prevented by a mysterious time loop, and a small handful of students who retain their memories.
Surviving the loops was hard enough, but now, in his senior year, Vell Harlan must take charge of them, and deal with the fact that the whole world now knows his secrets. Everyone knows about Vell’s death and resurrection, along with the divine game he is a part of. Now Vell must contend with overly curious scientists and evil billionaires hungry for divine power while the daily doomsday cycle bombards him with terrorists, talking elephants, and the Grim Reaper himself -but if he can endure it all, the Last Goddess’s game promises the ultimate prize: power over life itself.
[Previous Chapter][Patreon][Cover Art]
“Should I be worried?”
Why would you be worried?” Kim said. “Dean Lichman loves us.”
Dean Lichman had asked the two of them to stop by his office, though his brief message had not said what for. That left Vell to concoct nightmare scenarios in his head.
“He doesn’t love all of us.”
“Alex doesn’t count as ‘us’,” Kim said. She was a looper in purely a technical sense, mostly due to her own refusal to be a team player. “Besides, she’s been behaving lately. She’s only been an asshole, not an active liability.”
“That we know of.”
“If we don’t know about it, Dean probably doesn’t either,” Kim said. “It’s fine, Vell, he probably just wants to ask us for advice or deal with some problem he has.”
“That’s not much better,” Vell said. “How weird would things have to be that the Dean is asking us for help personally?”
“Only one way to find out,” Kim said. She gestured to the door to the Dean’s office.
Kim entered first, and found it in much the same state as it always was. The desk piled high with paperwork, a small bowl of assorted candies shoved into the corner of the desk, and Dean Lichman behind it, frantically tapping away on a laptop. Vell had not been in this office for several years, and it was vastly different than the last time he’d been here.
“Ah, there you are, come in, have a seat,” Dean Lichman said. “Unless you’d rather we have our conversation elsewhere, Vell.”
“Why would I want that?”
“Well, it’s my understanding you haven’t been in this office since my, uh, predecessor,” Dean Lichman said.
“Oh, right, the kidnapping,” Vell said. “No, I’m good, I don’t really get traumatized by things anymore.”
Vell had been killed too many different ways in too many different places to have a functional trauma response. A few days ago he’d gotten his legs chewed off by a vending machine, and still stopped by it to pick up a soda on his way to the office.
“That’s a very concerning response, Mr. Harlan.”
“Yeah. Anyway, what did you need?”
Dean Lichman gestured for the duo to take a seat, and both did so. He folded desiccated hands in front of himself before beginning to speak.
“I would like to ask you two to take a look at an experiment that will be occurring later this week,” Dean Lichman said. “I don’t have any reason to believe it poses a threat, but I would like to be assured it is a safe and ethical environment, and, well, you two have a knack for identifying trouble spots.”
“You could say that,” Kim said. It was more accurate to say that trouble had a way of identifying them -and then leaping at them and ripping their heads off.
“I’d appreciate it if the two of you could simply examine the laboratory and give it your approval, or disapproval, as the case may be,” Dean Lichman said. “Though if you’re too busy, I fully understand.”
“If you don’t think this is dangerous, why are you asking for our help anyway?”
“Simply for my own peace of mind, frankly,” Dean Lichman said. “The school’s policies on animal experimentation are...satisfactory, I suppose, but I do want to take extra precautions when the subject is a creature as smart as an elephant.”
“An elephant?”
“Yes, a resident of a reserve in Thailand,” Dean Lichman said. “An older elephant by the name of Mae Noi. She has cancer, apparently, and she is submitting to experimental treatment in the hopes it will be useful for younger elephants.”
Kim’s digital face briefly flashed with a facial expression of concerned skepticism.
“‘She’ is submitting to treatment? As in the elephant?”
“Yes. Apparently the elephant can talk,” Dean Lichman said. “No, I don’t know how it works, they said it was ‘more impressive in person’.”
“Well now I kind of want to go just to see the talking elephant,” Vell said.
“Same.”
“Well, do try to take a few glances at the experiment’s safety while you’re there,” Dean Lichman said.
“Sounds like a plan,” Vell said. “Thanks for the heads up.”
“I’ll be there too,” Kim said.
“Excellent. Thank you both, and I’ll try not to take up too much of your time,” the Dean said. He then bid them both a polite goodbye and returned to his mountains of paperwork. Vell took a step out of the office and then took a sip from the soda he’d recently retrieved from the evil vending machine.
“So, what do you think?”
“I think I really do want to see the talking elephant,” Kim said.
“Obviously, yeah, we all want to see the talking elephant,” Vell said. “I mean the whole situation. You think the elephant thing is going to be the daily apocalypse for that day?”
“Well, on the one hand, an elephant seems like the kind of thing that would kill us,” Kim said. “But on the other, I feel like the fact we have advance warning means it’s not going to happen.”
“True. The universe probably wouldn’t make it that easy for us.”
“Yeah, but the elephant thing still feels pretty threatening,” Kim said. “Only way to find out is to wait a few days, I guess.”
A FEW DAYS LATER
“Hello you two,” Dean Lichman said. “And Hawke.”
“Hey,” Hawke said.
“He also wanted to see the talking elephant,” Kim explained.
“Well, that’s not a problem, it was an open invitation,” Dean Lichman said.
“Thanks. Still, sorry for not saying I was going to show up in advance,” Hawke said. “It took me a long time to make up my mind whether I was more interested in or afraid of a talking elephant.”
“They are rather large, aren’t they? I suppose that could be intimidating.”
“I’m okay with elephants on their own, it’s the talking part that doesn’t sit right with me,” Hawke said. “What if the elephant doesn’t like me? What if I’m the first person to ever get insulted by an elephant?”
“You’re less afraid of getting trampled by an elephant than insulted by one?”
“I’m a little afraid of trampling, but elephants are chill,” Hawke explained. “They wouldn’t attack unless provoked. I kind of feel like one might call me a dipshit unprovoked, though.”
“You have oddly specifics fears, Mr. Hughes,” Dean Lichman said.
“Yeah.”
In spite of those fears, Hawke happily stepped through the door to the zoology lab. It did not take a long time to locate the elephant in the room, as it was a literal elephant. The towering pachyderm was in a makeshift pen in the center of the lab, with an ample supply of food and a strange pedestal in front of her.
“Dr. Chanthara,” Dean Lichman said, with a polite wave to one of the researchers in the room. “Good to see you. These are the students I told you about.”
“Hm. Nice to meet you,” Dr. Chanthara said. He was, perhaps not unreasonably, skeptical of why three seemingly random students were in charge of a safety inspection. The fact that one of the three was a robot made him even more skeptical.
“Hi, nice to meet you too, and, uh, don’t mind us,” Vell said. “We just have an eye for weird things other people might miss.”
“Sure. I- wait. Aren’t you that kid who got chosen by a god?”
“Yeah, that’s me,” Vell said. “And her too, technically.”
Kim shrugged. She didn’t care for any extra attention on that point.
“Right,” Chanthara said. He was beginning to see why these students might know their stuff. “I suppose we should start by introducing you to Mae Noi. Say hello, Mae.”
The elephant shifted on her feet and poked her trunk at the wide pedestal in front of her twice.
“Hello. Friends,” a synthesized voice droned. Vell stepped a little closer to the pedestal, just enough to see that there were an array of buttons on the side facing Mae Noi.
“Oh, it’s kind of like a keyboard,” Vell said. He’d seen similar things used with dogs, though usually in a much simpler fashion. Mae Noi seemed to have a few dozen buttons at her disposal.
“Smart,” Mae Noi said, with another prod of her trunk.
“We initially put it into our sanctuary as a bit of a novelty, something elephants could choose to interact with,” Dr. Chanthara explained. “Mae Noi took to it a bit better than most. Especially once she found out she could use it to ask for food.”
“Food. Pumpkin. Pumpkin. Pumpkin.”
“No, Mae, no food until after experiment,” Dr. Chanthara scolded.
“Experiment,” Mae Niko said with a prod. “Pumpkin.”
“Yes, experiment then pumpkin,” Dr. Chanthara said.
“That’s not really a talking elephant, is it?” Hawke said.
“It’s more talking than most elephants,” Dr. Chanthara said.
“Elephant. Smart,” Mae Niko said. “Smart.”
“Yes, uh, right, elephant smart,” Hawke said. He took a step back, to avoid any further offense and any further risk of being insulted by Mae Noi.
“You’re very impressive, Mae, don’t mind him,” Kim said. “How many words does she know?”
“Our platform back home has around three hundred words, though she’s still learning some of them,” Dr. Chanthara said. “The ‘travel’ version we put together only has a hundred, just enough to make sure she can get her basic needs met and communicate about the experiment.”
“Right, speaking of, I do believe we should put some time into our reason for being here,” Dean Lichman interjected. “You’re welcome to stick around afterwards, at Dr. Chanthara and Mae Noi’s discretion, of course, but we should get underway.”
“We probably should get to business, yeah,” Kim said. She tapped the side of her metal head. “I’m going to scan the lab. Vell, you talk to the elephant and make sure everything’s above-board.”
“Abov- oh, right,” Vell said. “Sorry, not exactly used to being able to ask animals if they agree to animal experimentation.”
“Experiment,” Mae said.
“Yeah, experiment,” Vell said, as he turned to Mae. “So, Mae Noi, this experiment might hurt, do you know that?”
“Experiment. Hurt. Elephant,” Mae Noi prodded. “Experiment. Help. Elephant. Help. Baby.”
“Help baby?”
“Baby. Baby. Elephant. Sick. Baby. Sick.”
“We’ve explained the nature of her condition to Mae Noi as best we can,” Dr. Chanthara said. “She has several children, and is concerned they might be similarly affected.”
“Help. Baby,” Mae Noi said. “Experiment. Help.”
The way Mae Noi frantically tapped the buttons tugged at Vell’s heartstrings, but he choked those emotions down.
“So you want to do this experiment to help baby, got it,” Vell said. “Even if it hurts you?”
“Elephant. Old,” Mae Noi said. “Hurt. Okay. Help. Baby.”
“Huh. Well, that does sound like informed consent to me,” Vell said. “Passes ethical muster, at least.”
The campus rules allowed students to be experimented on, with their consent, so Vell saw no reason not to apply the same standard to an elephant.
“You speak up if you change your mind about the experiment, okay?”
“Stop. Stop. Stop,” Mae said, mashing the same button a few times. “Yes.”
“You got it. I’m going to go help my friends check things out,” Vell said. “Good talking to you, Mae.”
“Good. Talk. Friend,” Mae said. She waved goodbye with her trunk, and Vell waved back. He wandered away from Mae Noi’s pedestal and found Kim and Hawke carefully examining rows of beakers and various other supplies.
“Nothing sus yet, boss,” Hawke said.
“Nothing caustic, mutagenic, or explosive?”
“Well, something mutagenic, but it’s supposed to be,” Kim said. She had scanners built into her body much like those that had once been in Vell’s glasses, allowing her to analyze the complex chemical formulas at a glance. “They’re going for some gene editing similar to what we’ve tried to do on human cancer patients. Low success rate, but not harmful. Some adaptations to work on elephants, of course.”
“Run it by any of our chemistry and biology student friends yet?”
“A few,” Kim said. “Haven’t gotten anything back yet, though.”
“Maybe run it by Skye, too,” Vell said. “She’d recognize anything that’d mutate an animal.”
“She does love to mutate things,” Kim said.
“Benevolently,” Vell insisted. “Just show her. I’m going to check for any stray equipment.”
The presence of an unusually large test subject had resulted in the lab being rearranged and reshuffled, so Vell did a quick scan for any misplaced equipment that might pose a threat. He found, to his surprise, a tidy and well-organized environment, with any and all extraneous materials securely locked away. There wasn’t so much as a shrink ray out of place. Vell did another loop just to be sure, but returned to his friends empty-handed.
“This place has less safety hazards than my lab,” Vell said. Hawke stared at him for a while.
“Why does your lab have safety hazards?’
“I do runecarving, there’s like, hammers and chisels,” Vell said. “Those can hurt people.”
“Mm, true,” Hawke said. “So you really didn’t find anything?”
“Nothing,” Vell said. “This place is secure as I’ve ever seen a lab be.”
“It’s like I said,” Kim began. “We got an actual warning about it, so obviously nothing’s going to go wrong. That’d be too easy.”
“Maybe,” Vell said. “Things can get teleported in, or someone could cast a spell, or something.”
“Yeah, but that applies to anywhere, at any time,” Kim said.
“Kim’s right,” Hawke said. “I say we go business as usual.”
“I guess,” Vell said. “We have to branch out a little, at least. Can’t keep an eye on one room all day.”
The trio stopped sulking around the outskirts of the lab and returned to Dean Lichman and Dr. Chanthara.
“Everything looks good,” Kim said. “Probably the safest lab I’ve ever seen.”
“I’ll choose to take that as a compliment,” Dr. Chanthara said.
“We have very high safety standards here at the Einstein-Odinson,” Dean Lichman said, defensively. “Relatively speaking. Innovation requires some risk.”
“I understand perfectly. So does Mae.”
“Hurt. Okay,” Mae said.
“Not that okay,” Vell said. “Nice meeting you, Dr. Chanthara. You too, Mae.”
“Wait.”
Mae prodded one of the buttons on her pedestal and then pointed her trunk at the three of them. Hawke looked deeply concerned, but stepped forward alongside Vell and Kim. Mae Noi appraised them with massive brown eyes, and then moved her trunk back towards the pedestal. Vell noticed a distinctive scar on the bridge of her long nose just as Mae Noi pressed another button.
“Joke.”
“...Joke?”
Dr. Chanthara sighed and rolled his eyes.
“Just go along with it,” he said. “She likes to tell her joke.”
“Uh, okay,” Vell said. “Let’s hear it.”
“What. Elephant. Favorite. Part. Tree.”
“Umm...I don’t know, Mae,” Vell lied. He’d heard this joke from a kid, once. “What part?”
“Trunk,” Mae said. She gave a loud bray of amusement and then slammed her trunk down a few more times to emphasize the punchline. “Trunk. Trunk.”
“Oh, ha, I get it,” Kim said, hoping her feigned laugh was convincing. She’d never tried to lie to an elephant before. “Good one, Mae.”
Mae Noi shifted from side to side, looking pleased with herself, while the trio took a step back and stopped their feigned laughter.
“Did you give her buttons just to tell that joke with?”
“She gets upset,” Dr. Chanthara said. “I’m not even sure she understands the pun, she just likes people’s reactions.”
“As long as she’s having fun,” Hawke said.
“We’ll get out of your hair now,” Vell said. “Good luck with the experiment, feel free to let us know if you need a hand with anything.”
“I’ll keep it in mind,” Dr. Chanthara said. Some of his earlier skepticism seemed to have softened, but he did not seem entirely onboard with three strangers mucking about with his experiment. Vell and his friends left before they stretched what little goodwill they had any further. Mae Noi waved her trunk goodbye as the three left the lab and stepped back onto the quad.
“I’m going to try and sneak some classes in,” Hawke said. “Later.”
“I’ll check some of our usual hot spots,” Kim said, before she too left. Once again alone, Vell headed to one of his own classes, and called up Samson.
“Hey, Samson,” Vell began. “See anything interesting while we were playing with the elephant?”
“Well, I thought I clocked someone acting suspicious, but it turns out he was only sneaking around to go see his boyfriend,” Samson said. “Nothing apocalyptic, but I did get called a homophobe, which is pretty emotionally devastating.”
“I’m sure you’ll recover someday,” Vell said. “Keep an eye out. Usually the safer things look, the more dangerous things end up being.”
“Will do,” Samson said, before saying goodbye and hanging up.
***
Vell got increasingly nervous the longer the day went without its daily disaster. He thought about checking in on Mae Noi again, but then recalled Kim’s warning about it being too obvious, but then remembered that nobody had seen anything suspicious anywhere else, but then remember that Mae Noi’s lab had looked perfectly safe-
“Vell.”
“Huh?”
“You’re spiraling,” Kim said.
“I’m not spiraling, I’m just,” Vell said, with a pause for contemplation. “Considering multiple options.”
“In a spiral fashion,” Kim said. “Eat the damn french fries. Honestly, what’s the point of ordering so many if you’re just going to let them get cold?”
“It’s not like they’re going to go to waste,” Vell said. The same time loop that allowed him to eat massive amounts of french fries without fear of gaining weight also allowed him to avoid food waste. One of the upsides of life in a time loop.
“Just eat, Vell,” Kim said. “You worry too much about all this shit.”
“I’m in charge, it’s my job to worry about it,” Vell said.
“It’s your job to handle it,” Kim said. “There’s no point thinking about this shit before it happens, you spend all day thinking about an elephant and then the universe drops, like, a bat with tentacles on your head. Just deal with as it comes, Vell.”
Vell leaned on the table and managed to chomp down on a french fry or two.
“You know, next year, when I’m not running the show anymore, I’m going to call and see if you still think it’s that easy.”
“I sure hope so,” Kim said. “I’m saying all this shit trying to make myself believe it too.”
“Oh good, you’re lying to both of us,” Vell said. “That’s cool.”
“Fake it ‘til you make it, Vell, that’s how it goes,” Kim said. “Eat your damn french fries.”
Vell rolled his eyes and returned to his fries, which were now starting to cool. Thankfully he would not have to worry about finishing them. A loud crash from across campus interrupted him mid-bite and nearly made Vell choke on his fries. He painfully swallowed the half-chewed food and then looked over his shoulder.
“Son of a bitch, finally,” Vell said. A few years ago he’d found it weird whenever he was relieved about a disaster, but now he was just genuinely glad to get it over with. The waiting was as killer as the apocalypse. He tossed his fries in the trash and headed toward the sound of chaos, with Kim right behind him.
“Already told everybody?”
“Well, I may or may not have left Alex and Helena out of the loop…”
“Kim.”
“They’d find out anyway,” Kim said. “I got to use my brain parts to get in touch with them, even over wi-fi that shit feels dirty.”
“Just get in- stop.”
Vell held out his hand. Kim froze in place and did not move. Not intentionally, at least. There was a small amount of unintentional movement. The ground was vibrating.
“Always love a good earthquake,” Kim said.
“That’s not a quake,” Vell said. “That’s...footsteps!”
Vell grabbed Kim and dove out of the way just in time for something to barrel through the walls of the dining hall and stampede across the room. Tables, chairs, and more than a few students were crushed under the feet of a hulking, brown-furred behemoth as it charged. Kim picked herself and Vell up off the floor and tried to trail its progress.
“That’s a- oh fuck me,” Kim said. “Please don’t say you told me so.”
Vell got his bearings and looked across the room at the titanic form of a woolly mammoth. Though it was definitely recognizable as an archaic mammoth, the ancient creature was also heavily mutated, unnaturally large even by mammoth standards, and with multiple curled, jagged tusks protruding from a slobbering maw.
“Well that could be unrelated,” Vell said. “Mammoths can come from a lot of places, cloning accidents, time machines…”
The mammoth reached a wall, and rather than barreling through, turned around, facing directly towards Vell. A prominent scar covered the bridge of its broad trunk.
“Oh, nope, that’s definitely Mae,” Vell said. The scar was in the same place and at the same angle. Even a clone wouldn’t have an identical scar.
Once the revelation had struck, Mae took her turn. Vell found himself staring straight down the barrel of a very angry mammoth coming right at him at Vell-squishing velocity. Luckily he’d been charged at by a lot of creatures over four years of looping.
Vell jumped up and to the side, and latched on to one of the curled tusks, which made for very convenient handlebars. Kim did the same on the opposite side of Mae, and punched her in the head.
“Wait, wait, hold off on the violence for a second,” Vell shouted. He tried to wave at Kim to stop, but Mae was thrashing so violently he had to grip the tusks with both hands.
“Good plan,” Kim shouted. “Can you get Mae on board?”
Another set of tables got crushed underfoot. Thankfully the other students were out of trampling range by now, but Mae Noi’s feet were still coated in the blood of earlier victims.
“Mae’s smart, maybe we can calm her down,” Vell said. He then ducked to dodge a swat from Mae’s mutated trunk.
“Call me crazy, Vell, but I think this is more than just a bad mood,” Kim said, as she climbed up Mae’s seven jagged tusks like a ladder.
“We have to try,” Vell said. The loopers rule against hurting other intelligent life forms had some flexibility for blood-crazed mutants on violent rampages, but they had to at least try to reason first. Vell climbed up on of Mae’s tusks and looked into one of her bloodshot eyes for any sign of recognition. “Mae! It’s Vell, do you remember?”
The only response Vell got was an enraged trumpet, which he didn’t think was a “yes”.
“Come on, bud,” Vell said. “What’s an elephant’s favorite part of a tree, right? The trunk?”
The massive brown eye staring at Vell blinked, and he felt a brief glimmer of hope. He then felt a brief glimmer of his lungs being crushed as Mae swung her head and slammed her tusks into the wall, and Vell along with them. Kim punched Mae in the throat and then jumped across the tusks to grab Vell and carry him to safety.
“You okay, Vell?”
He opened his mouth to respond, and a pint or two of blood came out instead.
“Apparently not,” he mumbled. “I might be down a few ribs. And a lung. Or two.”
Kim carried Vell a safe distance from the fight and set him down on the ground, where he promptly spat out another mouthful of blood.
“Okay, uh, you just lie there and try to die peacefully, I guess,” Kim said.
“Way ahead of you.”
***
“Was that last bit as funny as I thought it was?” Vell asked. “I think the blood loss was affecting my sense of humor.”
“It was kind of hard to appreciate in the moment,” Kim said. “But as far as dying jokes go, it was pretty good.”
Vell and Kim walked into the lair for their morning meeting and joined the loopers that had already gathered.
“Okay, what’d I miss while I was dead?”
“Well, after Alex was done getting herself killed,” Samson began.
“You’re saying that as if it’s something to be ashamed of,” Alex said. “Vell also died.”
“Yeah, but he got killed trying to do something good. You got killed trying to do something stupid.”
“Trying to eliminate a threat is not stupid,” Alex said.
“We don’t kill intelligent creatures,” Hawke said. “Sometimes we punch them into a coma, but we don’t kill them.”
“When a dog bites, you put it down, I don’t see why the same principle doesn’t apply to a mammoth that’s crushed seventy people.”
“That wasn’t Mae’s fault,” Vell said. “She got mutated, or something. On that note: did you guys figure out what happened to Mae Noi?”
“Nothing,” Hawke said. “Looked like Mae smashed up the entire lab, trampled everyone involved in the experiment too. Nothing left to investigate, and nobody left alive to interrogate.”
“Typical,” Vell sighed. “At least we have an easy out. Dean Lichman was really concerned about the ethics of that whole experiment. We raise some kind of complaint, we could probably get the whole thing shut down.”
“The problem is getting the complaint,” Hawke said. “That lab was airtight, Vell.”
“Apparently not completely airtight,” Kim said. “I can camp out in the lab and raise an entirely justifiable stink whenever something capable of making a murder-mammoth shows up.”
“And what if it happens so suddenly you can’t complain about it?” Samson asked. “For all we know that could’ve been some kind of dimensional rift, or time anomaly, or something. It might not be as simple as somebody just putting in the wrong syringe at the wrong time.”
“He’s got a point,” Vell said. “We might want to shut this down before it gets there.”
“Seems like our best option is to plant evidence, then,” Alex said.
Everyone else at the table spent a few seconds brainstorming ways to prove her wrong, and much to their frustration, could not.
“Okay, fine,” Vell said. “But it needs to be something incidental, not something anyone would get blamed for. We want to cancel the experiment, not get anyone in trouble.”
“I could have a seizure on some sensitive equipment,” Helena offered. “It’ll break something and nobody would dare get mad at me.”
“Can you fake a seizure?”
“No, but I’m allergic to elephants, so I’d probably have one anyway the moment I stepped in the lab,” Helena said.
“I don’t feel entirely comfortable sending you into anaphylactic shock for a bit,” Vell said.
“Offer’s on the table,” Helena said. “I’ll live. Wouldn’t have made it through that trip to the zoo otherwise.”
“Anybody have any non-medical emergency suggestions?”
“Seagull in the air vents,” Kim said.
“Will that work?”
“It happens now and then,” Kim said. “Seagull gets in, and Dean has to close down the whole lab for potential material damage and biohazard risks if they shit in the vents.”
“Really? We’ve never had to deal with anything like that,” Hawke said.
“It may shock you to learn that sometimes minor, tedious bullshit happens that we have nothing to do with,” Kim said.
“That is kind of surprising, actually.”
“Enough. Kim, can you grab a seagull?” Vell asked. He shouldered his bookbag, and stuck a hand into the extradimensional pocket that existed within it. “I can probably smuggle it in with my bag.”
“Yeah, I can get you a seagull,” Kim said. Since she did not need to sleep, she had to find ways to keep herself entertained at night, seagull-grabbing being among them.
“Alright, we’ll go grab one and put it in the bag,” Vell said. “The rest of you, be ready to meet us when I call.”
***
Roughly three minutes later, Vell put out the call and they reconvened in front of the biology lab.
“Yeah, that was much faster than I thought it would be,” Vell said.
“I’m great at grabbin’ birds,” Kim said. Seagulls were among the easier birds to snatch, even. They were suckers for food, and many of them were attracted to her shiny metallic body anyway.
“Let’s just get this over with,” Vell said. “I want this thing out of my bag ASAP.”
Even though the seagull was safely within a pocket dimension, Vell would swear he could still feel the bird thrashing and squawking inside his bag. He tightened his grip on the shoulder strap and led the way towards the zoology lab entrance. He grabbed the handle and held it as he froze for a second.
“Vell, what’s up? Is this bird escaping?”
“No, the handle’s vibrating,” Vell said. It was shaking the same way a wall near an incredibly loud speaker might. He pressed his ear to the door and listened closely. He opened the door immediately, and let all his friends hear the frantic trumpeting of a panicked elephant.
Inside the lab, Mae Noi was stomping her feet and trumpeting as loud as he long trunk would allow. She swayed from side to side in her pen, bumping against the walls not quite hard enough to damage them, but hard enough that it was clear she was doing it on purpose.
“What the heck is happening here?”
“Ah, Vell,” Dean Lichman said. He hustled over to Vell’s side and gestured to the entire room. “Maybe you can figure out what’s going on.”
Mae Noi stopped braying long enough to start mashing her trunk against her pedestal, mashing out the word “Bad” over and over again.
“Our test subject, Mae Noi, has been throwing an absolute fit ever since she got here,” Dean Lichman said. “Dr. Chanthara, these are the students I was telling you about earlier.”
While Vell reintroduced himself to Dr. Chanthara, Kim and Hawke stepped up to examine Mae Noi and her enclosure. It was a far cry from the peaceful, orderly scene they had examined on the first loop. They were half an hour earlier this time than before, but Kim found it unlikely that they had been able to calm Mae Noi down, clean everything up, and get back to work in such a short amount of time. They hadn’t mentioned any of this panic on the first loop either. They were soon joined in their confusion by Chanthara and Vell.
“We’ve tried everything; food, water, her favorite toys, even videos of her children,” Dr. Chanthara said. “We’ve even offered to call off the experiment, but she won’t listen.”
“She is an animal,” Alex said. “Sometimes they do things arbitrarily.”
“Not Mae,” Dr. Chanthara said. “Some of our sanctuaries residents from traumatic backgrounds can have outbursts, but Mae was injured in the wild. She’s never been like this.”
“Maybe some experiment on the island is upsetting her,” Vell said. “A sonic experiment only she can hear, or something…”
Vell stopped and thought about it. If there had been such an irritant, it would’ve been there on the first loop too. Everything always repeated exactly the same, except for-
“Could you, uh, take a step back for a second?” Vell mumbled. “I want to try talking to her.”
“Don’t get close,” Chanthara warned him.
“I’m not, I’m not,” Vell said. He didn’t need to get very close to tell a joke.
The massive brown eyes of Mae Noi stayed locked on Vell as he approached, and she continued to mash the “Bad” button on her pedestal.
“I know, I know, bad,” Vell said. “But, uh, do you want to hear a joke?”
Mae Noi stopped. She locked eyes with Vell for a few seconds, and then cautiously tapped a button on her pedestal.
“Joke.”
“Right, joke,” Vell said. He tried to recall the exact sequence of words Mae had used on the first loop. “What elephant favorite part tree?”
Mae didn’t blink.
“Trunk,” Vell said.
After a moment of contemplation, Mae Noi let out one final, fervent, trumpet, and then started mashing buttons on her pedestal again.
“Bad. Help. Help. Experiment. Bad. Help. Bad. Help.”
“Yeah, bad help, one second,” Vell said. He turned away from Mae Noi to look at Dean Lichman. “Hey, uh, excuse me, Dean? Hey, uh, if I remember correctly there are some pretty complicated rules on having intelligent animals on campus, yes?”
“Well, yes,” Dean Lichman said. After hearing of some questionable ethical practices involving an octopus back in first year, he had instituted a few clauses into the school’s ethical code of conduct regarding intelligent animals like elephants, octopuses, and dolphins. “Mae’s presence here is a bit of an outlier, but there were workaround, given her apparent consent to the experiment.”
“Yeah, about that, is she, uh,” Vell began. “Is she registered as a student?”
“Yes.”
Vell pursed his lips. It took a few seconds for his friends to catch on.
“You have got to be fucking kidding me,” Samson snapped. He turned his back on the crowd and leaned against a wall while Hawke put his head in his hands.
“The first rule of looping,” Alex said quietly. “Loopers are randomly selected-”
She looked up and locked eyes with Mae Noi.
“From all registered students.”

Something I was thinking about when I watched the final moments of the most recent EFAP was Mauler’s observation that the internet content creator landscape used to be different when AVGN clones ruled Youtube and his question of how that shifted into video essayists and commentary channels. I thought about that for a while and I thought of some reasons why the landscape changed that I would like to share.
Managers
Something that people might not be aware of is how many Youtubers have people managing their content in the form of things like setting up brand deals and other services that I am not familiar with. Some of them are very public about what they do, some of them are more private. The important thing is how managers worked in the past.
One thing that I liked about Machinima, ScrewAttack, and Channel Awesome that the creators probably didn’t like is that they forced the older creators to stick to a set schedule of uploads and some of them forced creators to follow a set formula. This meant that the manager would make sure that if a creator uploaded a video every Friday at 2pm, they would have an upload every single Friday at 2pm.
How would this work if the creator wanted to take a week off? Well, the creator would have to have a video to upload in advance. What if the creator wanted to spend 3 weeks on a super-duper big video? Well, they could absolutely do that, but it would be a passion project and they’d still have to follow the set schedule for regular uploads.
This created a content landscape that I actually enjoyed a lot as a consumer because it’s probably the way it should be for reviewers. Every week, or every day in rare cases, a movie reviewer would need to review a different movie, which meant that a reviewer might have to force themselves to sit through a movie they don’t want to see like Fifty Shades Of Grey to give it a chance to subvert their expectations and earn a glowing review, or dig deep to find a new indie movie to review to fill that quota if they really didn’t want to sit through Fifty Shades Of Grey.
The promise of Patreon and creators becoming more independent was that creators would exclusively make videos on topics they wanted to do, but I personally think that was the wrong way to go. I’ve maintained a position that I prefer it when content creators are encouraged, or even forced, to talk about things that they don’t want to talk about because oftentimes that’s when reviewers are most interesting. Some of my favorite Roger Ebert reviews were when he reviewed a children’s movie like Space Jam or Pokemon: The First Movie, and some of my favorite Zero Punctuation reviews are when he has to pick out a random indie game and commit to reviewing it regardless of what the indie game turned out to be, like when he reviewed Hell Pie.
What I think has happened is that the lack of managers has encouraged content creators to upload whatever they want, whenever they want, which has usually translated to videos about ‘easy’ topics, like videos about Disney movies, being uploaded weeks, or even months, apart, which has made the content creation landscape, at least for reviewers, a lot less interesting, and a lot less engaging.
It’s actually one of the reasons why EFAP has been losing my interest lately, because although they upload a stream every week the topics they choose are generally ‘easy’ topics because I genuinely think the hosts don’t have the ability to make an EFAP on something more obscure, or even just ‘difficult’ like Baby Reindeer, very interesting, or they just won’t do streams on those topics because, as Rags said: “This is our show, and we can do whatever the fuck we want.”
Honestly, my hot take is that I liked you better when you couldn’t do whatever the fuck you wanted all of the time. In fact, one of my favorite Rags moments on EFAP was when he clearly didn’t want to be involved with the debate with Twin Perfect.
Sponsors
I remember the Adpocalypse and how Youtubers transitioned to sponsors over relying heavily on ad-revenue. What that event transpired into is that audiences were far more accepting of basically any form of making money that Youtubers would use. Patreon became a very dominant part of Youtube, but sponsors also became extremely common and audiences would even cheer in the comment sections when creators would have their first Raid: Shadow Legends sponsorship.
Sponsors are what I want to talk about because I have seen Youtubers show that they have a bunch of videos on their computer that they simply aren’t releasing to the public because they don’t want to upload a single video without a sponsor on their main channel, as well as Youtubers having a second channel where they upload ‘slop’ content without sponsors that most of their audience is usually unaware of or isn’t interested in.
The problem is that the appeal for pretty much all content on Youtube is the personalities of the people creating the content, which is less about the actual personalities and more like “That’s an actual person doing what they actually want to do, that’s so cool,” but that is usually undercut by the presence of sponsors. The fact that Youtubers will sit on a video they made and not upload it unless they can get a sponsor to pay for it always seemed strange to me, especially for Youtubers where the image they present is “I’m just a normal, chill guy who makes Youtube videos for fun,” which needs the caveat of “Uhhhh, I’m actually really poor and if I don’t take this BetterHelp sponsor I can’t afford my rent this month. Please understand, I’m barely making any money on Youtube,” when a sponsor is included in the video.
As weird as this sounds, there are communities of creatives online that don’t expect to ever make any money putting hours, days, weeks, months, and years of work into a project. There are modding communities, bloggers, game developers, fanfiction writers, and artists that only want comments saying “You did a good job,” and Youtubers used to be that way, or they used to present themselves that way before sponsors became as common as they are now.
I don’t say this often enough, but I remember when Youtubers would make videos about not just random pictures on Deviantart, but on fanfictions and pornographic videos. They’d do those videos for things like clout, which is something that I don’t see too often on Youtube.
People might say that there are a bunch of Youtubers that talk about obscure media and Youtubers that make things without any expectation of earning money, which I say “Well, yeah, but that’s not what I’m talking about,” and then I’d point to things like AVGN’s Atari Porn video, and old videos where commentary Youtubers would branch out from their niche to say “Hey, just for fun, we’re going to check out this weird fanfiction story,” or how Yahtzee would include fun projects he created at the end of his Zero Punctuation videos, like how he’d dub over scenes in video games like Half-Life and Painkiller, or how he made a slideshow with Garry’s Mod that depicted a love story between Heavy and Medic.
What I’m saying is that a large part of what made Youtube fun was that not every video from an established creator with 100k subscribers needed to be monetized, or even created with the expectation of being successful or well-received by the community. There was a time when the expectations people had for, say, Jim Sterling was for a high-quality Jimquisition video to be produced and uploaded to the main channel once a week, and for the other days to feature a minimally-edited video where he showed himself trying out a game or reacting to a trailer on his main channel.
In the past I said that I would like it if EFAP would talk about comments and read fanfictions on-stream and I was mocked for it, but I stand by that statement because, although EFAP clearly doesn’t want to do it regularly, when they do read comments on-stream it tends to result in some of the best content because it showcases a side to them that I like. Instead of being totally normal dudes talking to each other about a movie they saw or reacting to a video, they have to use text-to-speech or read the comment using a silly voice or, well, use just a little bit of creativity when reading those comments out-loud.
What I’m kinda saying is that, yes, I think we all like professionally-produced content, and we all accept that sponsors for videos are necessary. But, like, I don’t like how for most successful Youtubers only the monetizable content, often with sponsors, is presented on the main channel, while the other content doesn’t exist, is uploaded to a secondary channel, or is locked behind some kind of paywall.
It just feels strange that these normal, chill, relatable people have gotten themselves into a position where they can earn real money, in some cases a lot of money, to stand in front of a webcam for 10 minutes talking about their favorite movies, chat with a group of friends, or even just play their favorite video game, and in quite a few cases they won’t do any of those things unless there’s a way to monetize it. Imagine how it looks to say “Well, I can’t talk about this cool fanfiction story I read on my main channel to my audience that enjoys my content about that franchise because I can’t get a sponsor for it.”
I wonder if Rags, a regular host of EFAP, appreciates the irony of him criticizing Chris Stuckmann for advocating that filmmakers “Get as much time and money as possible to make their films in the ideal circumstances and for the process to be easy,” when he’s in the position that he’s in where, on EFAP, he has as much freedom as he wants in the ideal circumstances to make money with EFAP, and it’s easy, yet he still will complain if he’s asked to step out of his comfort zone, even a little bit, on stream.
Insecurity
A while ago I had a theory about Cancel Culture which was that usually Cancel Culture is incredibly exaggerated by the audience of the people being canceled, and that most of the people being canceled are perfectly fine. The go-to example is the poor lady who made a joke about AIDS before going to Africa that got off the flight and got fired from her job due to her joke going viral. What people often don’t mention is that she got fired because it’s a terrible look for the company’s PR person to be involved with such a massive PR disaster, and that she got hired at another company a very short time later. Plus, like, she made a racist joke and people were calling her a racist, it wasn’t like she was targeted for absolutely no reason.
My theory is that people think that Cancel Culture absolutely ruins the lives of celebrities and influencers online because of their intense reactions to being canceled. An early example being Seth Macfarlane, who was mocked for his poorly-received hosting of the Oscars and who seemed incredibly bitter about it, making Cancel Culture a plot point in multiple episodes of Family Guy, talking about how bitter he was about it in interviews for years, and even apparently getting emotional support from his friends and family after the ordeal, even going as far as to ask celebrities to say “I liked what he did and I thought he was hilarious, and very handsome.”
What I’m saying is that I think that in the early days of content creation on Youtube the people making videos were more willing to appear on camera and embarrass themselves, like with Spoony screaming at a big gaming event on camera, because even though they were aware of Cancel Culture being a thing they weren’t going to be reduced to tears by someone saying “You’re totally cringe and annoying,” and even went as far as to incorporate those kinds of comments into their video because it was extremely easy content to create. You probably know what I’m talking about, where a creator would read out “This content creator is SOOOOOOO CRINGE,” in a video in a silly voice which you can’t really do as easily with “OMG, I love your content,” and make it entertaining.
That’s changed a lot today with content creators seeming to project an extreme amount of insecurity in every video they’re a part of, which gets even worse in formats like podcasts. It feels like every commentary creator is a chill dude that isn’t offended by anything and only wants to have a good time talking about things they like because, well, that’s what they need to be to avoid being criticized too severely, but they constantly allude to being a very immature and thin-skinned person that is mainly concerned about earning money, to the point where they’ll say “I’m not even having fun producing content at all.”
In college I remember one of my professors saying: “When you were high school kids you were insecure and weren’t confident in your abilities enough to volunteer when you were asked. You’re adults now, and when you graduate you can’t do that at a real job. Part of growing up is being confident in yourself, and if you don’t want to do that, you can always work in fast food where you never need to grow up, while the other adults in your friend group are becoming doctors and construction workers.”
It’s something that I realized with Youtubers which is that a decent amount of them started their careers young and never had to ‘grow up’ the way that my professor said that we needed to. Even with millions of subscribers you still see a lot of Youtubers struggle to commit to any statement they make, and I hear “I’m just a dumb Youtuber who doesn’t know anything and is stupid and socially-awkward and is fat and smells bad,” too many times from rich and successful people.
The thing is, when you’re a teenager, or you’re in your 20s, that insecurity is charming and relatable because you're trying to find a place in the world and discovering the role that you will fill in society. But, when you’re 30 and your role is “I tell people about the latest internet drama and make references to Spongebob,” or “I talk about Star Wars for hours at a time,” even if you make $2 million every day there’s likely a part of you that says: “I don’t like who I am. I don’t like what I do for a living. Yes, I’m rich, but I don’t like why I’m rich, and I don’t like my audience.”
I think that this insecurity leads to people trying to make their content more ‘mature’, but the way they do it isn’t by presenting themselves as a more confident person, or by making a clear separation between the personality in their content and their actual personality so that they can have a good work/life balance, it’s by creating the same content with very superficially mature elements. So, you end up with the video essayists of the past that gained fame by describing the events of a movie and then giving their opinion on whether they liked or disliked it doing the same thing but with quotes from smart people, like Socrates, and making conclusions like “Some people are gonna like this movie, some people are going to hate it. The important thing is that everyone involved with this movie tried really hard and had fun.”
The thing is, teenagers and 20-year-olds get value from a relatable person that comes across as an insecure loser who is too afraid to take a proper stance on anything to commit to a statement. When someone is actually mature they find more value in someone who is willing to do a good job and defend the job that they did, even if they’re like Neil Breen who thinks they did a good job but clearly did a terrible job. A 20-year-old might declare that Twin Perfect’s debate with EFAP wasn’t embarrassing because he was just being himself or something, but a 40-year-old might not tell Twin Perfect that the debate was embarrassing, but they would no longer respect him, and I imagine a lot of 40-year-olds don’t respect a lot of Youtube video essayists because of how eager they seem to be to engage in self-deprecation.
Conclusion
Despite everything that I’ve said, I do think that the content landscape on Youtube is generally ‘better’ than it was in, say, 2010. We weren’t getting a 4+ hour video by The Little Platoon about Rebel Moon, for instance, in 2010.
What I would compare modern Youtube and classic Youtube to is the 1970s movie scene vs. the 1980s movie scene, which Quentin Tarantino has labeled as “The worst period in movie history,” which the EFAP crew have pushed back on.
The thing is, in the early 80s we got Blade Runner, in the same way that nowadays we got the 4+ hour Little Platoon video, but the theatrical release of that film was famously sabotaged by the company that wanted Harrison Ford to provide voiceovers for the film that ‘ruined’ it, or at least, ruined the ending of the movie.
Throughout the 80s films were made which satisfied audiences more than films from the 70s did because Spielberg was producing hugely successful films that are still highly regarded, but there was also a bunch of shady practices going on and a bunch of notoriously poor studio decisions made in order to appeal to a wide demographic, such as the fiasco with Supergirl and Masters Of The Universe, or changing the ending of Brazil.
In the 1970s we not only got more challenging films, but there was also a thriving independent cinema scene that gave us Death Race 2000, Eraserhead, THX-1138, and Duel. There was also Jaws, Star Wars, and A Clockwork Orange, which were big-budget movies that took serious creative risks that paid off immensely which just wouldn’t happen in the 1980s, or would happen very rarely.
I think that I do prefer Youtube back in, say, 2015-2017 when it seemed like we generally got the best of both worlds, challenging content about a diverse range of subjects with production values comparable to what we have now.
To close this, I would like to include a paraphrased interaction I saw on a podcast featuring a pretty big Youtuber that I think illustrates why Youtube has changed in the way that it has.
Youtuber: Look, I don’t need to work as hard on my videos now because not every video needs to be an event. I just want to take it easy now, pump out a video whenever I feel like it, get paid by the sponsors, and then spend time with my family, is that so wrong?
Host: It kind of is. I know your audience of teenagers will be like “He just wants to spend time with his family, dude, have a heart,” but a lot of Youtubers, especially younger Youtubers look up to you for inspiration. If you’re in that position and your attitude is “I’m going to half-ass every video that I make from now on and if anyone calls my content lazy I’ll use my 8-year-old daughter as a shield against criticism,” that’s the attitude that a lot of young Youtubers are going to have. They’re going to half-ass their content and when criticized, they’re going to find their own excuse, like “I have a kid now,” or “I have to eat,” or something.
Youtuber: That’s not my fault, though. I never asked to be a role model.
Host: That’s not how that works. You don’t get to decide whether or not people look up to you, have expectations of you, and emulate your approach to content creation. You only release 2-3 videos a year, and with your status every video should be a major event, but instead every video is half-assed, as you admitted, and then you use your daughter as an excuse for why you don’t put as much effort into your content as you used to. I think you need to have someone in your life, like a friend, that actually makes you feel some shame for your content and encourages you to do better, rather than your social circle being composed of supportive people like your family and the people who pay you through Patreon.
Host 2: He did have that. He fired him two years ago, remember?
Host: Oh, yeah, you fired your friend, or made him quit, whatever the story was. Did that not make you feel bad at all?
Youtuber: Friendships end, that’s just life.
Host: That’s the attitude that I hate that comes across in your content. You can’t just brush aside everything and bumble through life, except if you’re an internet personality, apparently.
Host 2: It worked for the MCU.
Host: It’s not working for the MCU anymore, though, and it isn’t working as well for this Youtuber. It’s probably going to get worse and when he decides to do more work and make better videos, like he used to do, it’s probably going to be too late, or he’ll need to make really good videos to get the views he once did.
Youtuber: My videos are really good, though.
Host: You admitted to half-assing them.

UK based.
TLDR: ongoing symptoms of MS for the last 4 weeks but I have now been diagnosed with FND.
It all started 4 weeks ago when I felt extremely fatigued and light headed. I drove home after work at 5pm and suddenly I had lost all control of the movement in my arms. It was like a partial paralysis. An ambulance was called and they took me to the stroke unit where they did a CT scan of the brain and kept me in overnight. The use of my arms came back at around 10pm.
The next day, they carried out MRI scans on my brain and in my spine, all of which ruled out a stroke. They referred me for an urgent neurology appointment (which was 4 weeks later).
Since then, I have experience at least one or more of the following symptoms daily: - loss of control in my arms - loss of control in my right leg - stabbing pains in my thigh - extreme fatigue - vertigo and dizziness - numbness of the muscles in my face - tingling and cold sensations through my upper body - muscle spasms and tremors in my hand
When I was younger, I had optic neuritis which lasted just over a week and the scan showed small lesions of MS. They had mentioned if I have other spells in the future that it would likely be diagnosed as MS. With this information and all the symptoms I have experienced we all assumed this would be the case. Every symptom I had is a symptom of MS, and in all honesty, I was waiting for the neurology appointment to confirm this.
Anyway, I had the appointment this morning and to my surprise he said the scans are clear and it is not MS (he was also an MS specialist). He told me that I have Functional Neurological Disorder. I was shown a web page that outlined this and not much further advice was able to be given in terms of how to manage my symptoms on a daily basis, particularly with work.
I am being sent for further bloods to check my vitamin levels and have a catch up appointment in a month’s time.
Having researched this throughout the day, I can see what a broad spectrum FND covers. Is it just a diagnosis they give when they don’t know what is wrong with the signals to your nervous system? Has anyone had a similar experience? Is it worth going private and getting a second opinion? Will the symptoms get better?

I've had this friend of mine for several years now. He's my one of my closest friends I can think of, ill call him Daniel. We have this friend group with 2 other of my really close friends, the 2 others both being girls
Daniel and one of the girls(let's call her jaiden) got together and started dating, but broke up a few months ago.
A few days ago jaiden told me that she was usually made very uncomfortable by Daniel while they were together, they used to kiss infront of us and others and she says that Daniel coerced her to. She then told me about how he forced her to do alot of things she didn't feel comfortable with. And how he touched her in places she repeatedly told him not too. She also said he was very manipulative in how he'd ask for things, for example, saying he'd never date again if she refused his proposal. She also said that he forced her into one other thing but didn't feel comfortable enough talking about it
This is all just so confusing to me cause Daniel has been like a brother to me for the 4 years I've known him, yeah he's not perfect but stuff like this?! I had to at least talk to him and hear him out
He was, uncooperative, he kept trying to end the conversation, gave me one word answers, admitted to a few things like the whole never-date-a-woman-again fiasco, bur ofcourse he denied everything else
Now I'm left between a rock and a hard place. Daniel really really seems guilty by how he responded, he didn't seem too suprised when I brought everything up, and didn't seem like he could care less. And it's not like i dont trust jaiden either, she's been my friend almost as long as Daniel has, but even then it's still hard to just completely side against him. But I've continued to support and comfort jaiden, as for Daniel, I've just kinda slowed down interaction
My girlfriend though, got really pissed at me for not immediately cutting ties with Daniel, and says I'm not taking this seriously enough, she's really pissed at me right now and it hurts cause I thought I was doing fairly well. She accused me of not doing enough, which confused me as what else am I meant to be doing? I'm listening to and supporting jaiden, I've called out Daniel and he denies everything. She's upset that I'm not immediately boiling over and seething in rage but its really hard to immediately and completely turn the tables on someone who's been your friend for so long. It's not like I'm excusing him or downplaying the situation, and I'm sure i can't rly remain friends with him, it would feel so wrong and gross, but this is still Daniel were talking about, the Daniel that's made my high-school life awesome, is it so crazy that I'm a bit hesitant to kill off everything we've had these past few years, it's not like hesitant means I won't do it, and if he admitted to everything I'd find it much easier to, but at the moment he says he didn't do anything, and while he seems seriously suspicious, is it so wrong to hold out hope that my friend of 4 years isn't an abuser, that this is all just one gross misunderstanding
So there, AITAH for not immediately cutting my friend of 4 years out of my life
Immediately being within the span of 2 days since I first heard of the accusations

The bartender asks “Have you been blind long?” He replies, “I’ve been blind for 50 years, but my hearing is perfect. I’ll bet I can tell you what’s happening in any room in this bar.” The bartender says “Go ahead and try.” The old man cups a hand round his ear and tilts his head to the ceiling. “In your upstairs bathroom, the one at the end of the corridor… a tap’s been left on.” The bartender sends his nephew to check, who returns and confirms the findings.
“Could’ve been luck,” says the bartender, “Go on, try again…” The old man cups his ear, tilts his head to the floor and listens. “I hear scurrying in your cellar,” he says, “You have rats.” “That’s bullshit,” says the bartender, and sends his nephew to check. He returns and the old man is right, again.
Now intrigued, the bartender urges him to try again. He cups a hand round his ear and listens toward the bar. “In the storeroom down that corridor, someone’s having sex now”. The nephew checks the storeroom, and two of the staff screwing.
“Jeez old man, you truly are incredible,” says the bartender, “what else can you hear?” The blind man places his head on the bar. He raises off the bar and says, “Your beer pump is broken”. The bartender checks the pump… “Ha! You’re wrong old man. It’s working perfectly!” “Then where’s my fucking beer?”

Warning: I am going to mention interviews with Eric (that guy's basically Tom Holland at this point...) and official trailers, so if you don't want to read about potential spoilers, better skip this thread.
This is about track 8 ("Raglan James") and the TTotBT book.
What we know so far about the show:

1. Daniel mentioned a "researcher" in episode 1
2. Justin Kirk is going to play a character who knows Daniel and also knows that vampires exist, possibly a member of the Talamasca (but we don't know yet if he's that researcher)
3. Eric said in an interview that the Talamasca are going to help him regain memories in some way
4. Eric also keeps mentioning that he's always wanted to play a vampire
5. (In another interview Eric mentioned ^ again in some special way (can't remember what he said exactly and can't find the exact interview) and a lot of people acted like that proved that Daniel would become a vampire for sure at the end of season 2.)

To recap the book:

• Raglan James (old ex-Talamasca member in a young body) asks Lestat if he wants to become human again, Lestat agrees, they switch bodies and Reglan takes off
• Lestat asks David (active Talamasca member who's kind of friends with Lestat) for help to get his body back
• They set up a trap, Lestat manages to get his body back but Raglan takes over David's body, while David ends up in the young body
• Fake-David asks Lestat to turn him, Lestat's been waiting for that but he notices that something's wrong and Reglan ends up in the hospital and dies
• Lestat turns David (still in the young body) forcefully, David leaves and they later meet in NOLA and agree to travel the world with Louis

Since episode 1 I've always thought that the researcher would turn out to be David and that they would use him in the TTotBD adapation (already mentioned by Rolin iirc) and as a connection to the Talamasca (show) but there's also a fan theory that the show will replace David with Daniel.
Let's just assume that Justin Kirk will indeed play Raglan James and that he's the researcher Daniel mentioned, how would that help get to where we need to be?
Daniel doesn't seem like a guy who's a Talamasca member, he is//was a journalist, so exactly the opposite of what you'd expect from one of them. I don't think he's got a lot of money (he agreed to do the interview because he wants to leave the $10mio. to his daughters) but if he was indeed (closely) connected to the Talamasca, money or taking care of his daughters after his death shouldn't be a problem. I don't think Daniel knows how to body switch either, so he wouldn't be of any help to Lestat, apart from that I don't remember them ever talking in the books.
Daniel's going to end up a vampire, that's set in stone, and it's suspicious how often Eric's mentioned wanting to play a vampire in interviews, so I wouldn't be surprised if they had old-Daniel turn to keep Eric around but again, how would that help with the TTotBT story, especially if they do give him David's role? Vampire-Daniel wouldn't be able to catch Lestat's post-QotD body, they needed the daytime to set everything up in the book and human Daniel wouldn't be of much use with that either (parkinson and all).

This is the last episode of the first half of the season with the actors for young Rhaenyra and Alicent and it ends in both a fantastic way and absolutely stupid and odd way all at the same time. This is one of the more dissected episodes in discussion but still felt like sharing:
-First point is how the hell is Daemon complaining about lady Rhea when she is absolutely gorgeous and a total badass with her armor. If there was a character I wish we could see more of it was her, just because of how she verbally obliterates Daemon in the few minutes. Her death being caused by Daemon is an odd point, it’s one of the things that he actually didn’t do in the book though I could see his character doing, but still just felt unnecessary as they could have just mentioned that lady Rhea passed away in passing dialogue. I don’t know, as someone who wants as close an adaptation as possible I just don’t see the reason especially after a certain change I absolutely despise some episodes later but we will get there eventually and I will just leave it at odd.
-The scene between Alicent and Otto was really emotional. At this point Alicent is still trying to stay convinced she did the right thing, and the actress does such a great job but Otto tells her the hard truth that no matter how much she may try to ignore the succession issue, it’s not simple matter of dinner table politics but a matter of life or death for her children and stability of the realm. She clearly needed to have it said out loud in this blunt way to truly encapsulate what is at stake and the actress just does a phenomenal job. That scene captures perfectly a lot of the spirit of Team Green and why we support the rightful king.
-The whole power move of Corlys making the king walk all the way to him while he sat on the driftwood throne was pretty cold and so disrespectful but again the actor just Carries that aura of power that it just seems natural. Even when he does bend to Viserys, he is still the “gravity” of the scene. One small nitpick that gets me is how they constantly talk about how it’s time to unite the two great Valyrian Houses, but this isn’t a first time thing, like Velaryons have married Targaryens before many times including during the dynasty. Obviously it makes sense to keep the ties close but just the way they mention the idea, they make it sound like it’s never be done before which annoys me. I don’t know maybe I’m the only one. Still just a slight nitpick. Also I do like how they actually discuss the surname issue of would Rhaenyra’s heir would go by Targaryen or Velaryon. It makes sense they go with the former since they are the upper house, but still an odd thing that’s it’s never mentioned in the literal historical book that is all about showing and analyzing these small facts.
-Ser Criston offers Rhaenyra to escape and go to Essos leaving it all behind. While this is definitely a bit naive, it’s clear he is trying to cope with his mistake by wrapping it under a blanket of romanticism. When Rhaenyra just shows that it will never happen and this is basically a fling for her, a very likely a childish game, it just sets on him the full weight of what he did. The actor just perfectly captures the level of regret, shame, anger, disappointment, heartbreak and loss of self the character is experiencing. He isn’t a second or third son of some great House, this position is literally all he had and he betrayed it. Rhaenyra doesn’t understand the full weight of this and instead just doubles down on how her future husband will still allow her game, just frustrating him even more. If he had been caught he could have ended like Lucamore Strong or worse. Again some of Fabien’s best acting is in this episode. He later accidentally (I’ll admit it’s a bit funny still how he spills the beans on himself when Alicent was just asking a different about a different suspicion all together) tells this to Alicent and you can how heavy it rests on his conscience. His character will later be paralleled and reversed with Arys Oakheart, a character who also broke his vow of chastity and feels massive guilt over this and tries to make up for it and find some honor ironically trying to become the Queenmaker as Cole would become the Kingmaker which is funny to me, granted I would argue Arianne is clearly manipulating Arys while Alicent later on genuinely offers Ser Criston a second chance (I know a lot of people don’t like the Soiled Knight chapter, but I just love POV’s from Kingsguard members and will take as many as I can, even if it’s just one.) Technically different canons, but the comparison is an obvious one that stuck with me
-While on that subject, it is perfectly paralleled by Alicent’s own realization. She got her own father and one of few people she could personally count on despite some issues dismissed all to defend an ungrateful friend who swore on her dead mother something that is just awful in general, but twice the insult considering her own background of having lost a mother. She has to reanalyze everything. Including what her father just recently told her. This is where later we get the iconic scene with the green dress. Obviously I am not breaking new ground by saying how the dress, the walk, the score were just perfect! The way Alicent just coldly and sarcastically congratulates Rhaenyra knowing the truth and ready to fight for her children becoming the green queen. I get why after this scene many fans in this sub wanted more of that demeanor. While I personally like the more diplomatic and sympathetic side to Alicent and have defended some of her portrayal and actions, I must admit I also loved seeing this more hardened type.
-This is where the stupid writing shows its face. Joffrey Lonmouth guesses that Ser Criston is Rhaenyra’s paramour and despite the fact that Laenor and her already came to an agreement of allowing each other to have their own people under the hush hush, this absolute moron decides to engages Ser Criston who could have very well not been the paramour, and tells him it’s best for everyone to keep everything well hidden (he doesn’t know about the whole reveal to Alicent but generally just wanted to warn him for whatever reason). Then Ser Criston beats him to death. Now how will the episode deal with the consequences of this, I mean a Kingsguard literally killed what was an innocent man under everyone’s perception unless he tries to explain the situation which is even more incriminating. There is a nice later scene where Criston Cole tries to commit Seppuku out of shame and regret with the moonlight shining on him next to a weir wood tree which is some gorgeous imagery, and when Alicent just comes and stops him, giving him a new path in life towards redemption. It is really beautiful crafted but because we have that stupid Joffrey Lonmouth scene right before it just makes it so frustrating. Of course this is also an awkward inclusion since this is the last episode right before the time jump, so all the questions that arise are left absolutely unanswered. Yeah you can guess Alicent probably pulled some strings to help him keep his head, but this scene just did more harm than good and honestly should just been cut. This episode was about the final rise of the green queen and the mostly formed factions, it should have ended on that note.
Overall this is one of the weaker episodes so far, despite having some of the strongest and most iconic moments of this season. Again they had a good structure until they decided to add that scene for tension.

My name is Luyan, I was born in April 1970, in the village of Qingtaipao, Jinzhou City, China. My father was an electrical technician in a nearby brick factory. Mom was a farmer.
One day in September 1971, A guest came to our home, whom my father called Old Brother Liu from Shenyang (1). Dad said to mom: “Troupe Leader Liu knows physiognomy, and I want him to have a look our Luyan." Mom was impatient. Dad added: "Troupe Leader Liu is not a stranger, you should be more enthusiastic! he said, ‘He should not have Luyan seen him, otherwise it won't work'.” Mom and Dad went out of the bedroom. The three of them were whispering in the kitchen. Troupe Leader Liu asked about my birth date.
https://preview.redd.it/pqfqha639v1d1.jpg?width=1528&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=25c81882fd0189d4814c5f6975993f188cd287ec
Note 1, at this time, he was the deputy chief of the Northeast Military Region's Cultural Troupe, about 40 years old, a division officer. He is commonly referred to in this book as Troupe Leader Liu. Before and after this story, I couldn't hear his voice. He spoke in ancient Han; I heard what they were doing from my father's explanation to my mother.

2

Troupe Leader Liu said he wanted to see me and wrinkled the curtain between the kitchen and the bedroom. I didn't see him. Dad explained to mom what he said, "That wantonness he's sitting on, the high beam nose to forehead, is a monk's fate, no marriage life."
"What does that mean, no marriage? He can't get married for the rest of his life?" Mom asked.
After dad inquired with Troupe Leader Liu, explained to mom: "It is possible to get married, but the marriage is not happy or long-lasting."
Mom got upset after hearing that and came inside. My dad and Troupe Leader Liu were talking outside. After a while, Dad came into the bedroom and said to mom, "Why did you just leave!"
Mom replied: "He's godly! Who believes that nowadays."
Dad said: "People can see that, and you're not happy to hear it! He also told me that he was just speaking straight from his heart according to what the ancient books say, just directly speaking what he deemed truth. You shouldn’t be like that! If you don't believe, it's okay to just listen! You come out and talk together!"
Mom followed Dad out, asking as she walked: "What is it again?"
In the kitchen, Dad said to Mom: "Troupe Leader Liu said that his eldest daughter, Jianjun Liu (Eve Liu), is a sky fate (Goddess fate), gifted and smart, but also has a destined bad marriage life. He wants to betroth her to our Luyan; says the two are quite compatible. By tying them together as a pair, both of their bad marriage destinies will be broken."
Mom replied: "Look at his appearance! What can his daughter look like!"
Dad said: "That's just saying, his family is well off. Besides, his appearance is not good, his wife might be pretty!"
Mom said: "His family is doing well now. In this society, twenty years later, who knows what will happen!"
Dad said: "It's not good to refuse someone's offer. Besides, this is just a saying, in the future, the two children will become a couple or not, is the matter of the two of them. Now, we are trying to break Luyan’s bad marriage fate!"

3 Blindfolding

A little later, Dad and Troupe Leader Liu returned to the kitchen. Troupe Leader Liu said, "If I'm right, the boy will cry as soon as he sees me; however, he can only see me this one time."
Mom was in the back, and when she heard that, said, "There's that! Let's try it then! It won't hurt to see him once anyway."
They arranged the subsequent experiment in a whisper. Troupe Leader Liu added, “Then I'll blindfold him.”
Dad and mom both said they didn't understand.
Troupe Leader Liu said, “Oops! I just remembered that I can't let him see me again in the future!” After thinking for a while, he added, “It's okay! I'll arrange for someone to uncover the blindfold later.”
Mom said unhappily, "Why it doesn't matter!"
Dad smiled and said, "We don't understand, but if Troupe Leader Liu said it doesn't matter, then it doesn't matter!"
At that time, I was sitting on the bed in the bedroom; a man came in and walked straight into the inner room. Soon I forgot about it. Suddenly, he came out and walked directly toward me face to face, his face bloodless and expressionless. My mind exploded at the sight, before I could react. He floated back to the center of the house floor, and quickly turned toward the kitchen and out. Frightened, I crawled desperately toward the southeast of the bed, howling!
https://preview.redd.it/pdjyyt889v1d1.jpg?width=2024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=163f3f013bc9ef146f5f8b8976698efdde776532
Note 3, this paragraph describes the first step of the “Flesh Eye Through”: He approached me quickly, and as I watched, I felt as if the camera lens were focusing quickly, and my head felt as if it were going to explode. The shock caused me to fall in “children neurodevelopmental disorder”. One symptom of this disorder is visual impairment, which the ancients said blindfolded the eyes. The process of Revelation is in section 2.8; chapter 3 discussed more about the process of making “Flesh Eye Through”. Illustrations 1-3, left, are of ancient Mexican origin and represent the third step of the Flesh Eye Through practice, which Huitzilopochtli is lecturing to his godson. Figure 2 shows Tlaloc, whose eyes, in author my own opinion, are the ancient Mexican description of "non-dazzle" feature of the eyes. Figure 3 is a bronze mask unearthed at Sanxingdui in China, in author my own opinion, that is a description of the eyes of the “Flesh Eye Through” as “touching eyes”, i.e., the person who sees it may have the feeling of "being touched”, "being electrocuted".

In the kitchen, mom was surprised and said: "Oops! Really crying! What to do!"
Dad said, "We agreed, you go in and comfort him!"
Mom ran into the house and shouted, "What's wrong? What's wrong?"
I crawled to the edge of the bed and hugged mom, crying. Dad also came in.
Mom said angrily, "He was scared! We were both away and suddenly he saw a stranger. Look! Oh! My God! His hairs are standing on end! He scared the kid!"
Dad said, "Troupe Leader Liu asked you to ask."
Mom asked, "What? Ah! What's wrong? Tell mom, what's going on?"
I just, “Woo, woo!” gesticulated and couldn't speak.
Mom muttered angrily, "Just scared! This can't even speak anymore!” Mom stroked my head, and continually said, “All right! Ok! Tell mom, what did you see?”
I replied, "Man! Woo! Woo!”, gesturing with my hands.
Mom said to me, "Ah! A man came in and then went out again. It's okay, your dad and I know about it!"

4 Marriage Contract is sealed.

Dad went to the kitchen, came back a while later, and said to mom, "Troupe Leader Liu went out and asked us to discuss the two children's affairs."
Mom said, "Like you said, it's not a big deal. How much does he want?"
https://preview.redd.it/6c0t36wc9v1d1.jpg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=283bf64e30a17faa985b77f22065644d37549c29
Dad said, “He didn't say anything about money! It isn’t about money, is it?”
Mom said, "It's better to ask."
The three of them were talking in the kitchen. Troupe Leader Liu said, "Then the marriage is settled! There's no need for any money. This matter also concerns my girl! It's also my business, so I'll make the law (do the magic)."
Dad asked, "What should we do then?"
Troupe Leader Liu said, "I'll tell you later. While you were discussing this matter, I did something outside. Now, half of their Fates have been broken. The rest of the “Making Laws” (western similar words: to do magic) will be done outside somewhere in the future, might not in your house."
Dad said, "It's great that little Luyan will be able to get married in the future! Good Job! It’s all thanks to big brother's hard work!”

5 Vision Test

Some days later, my dad had just returned from work and was talking to my mom. The bedroom opening in my house is about 6.5 meters by 3.3 meters; however, I was surrounded by white fog and couldn't see them. Mom said: "Eve Liu gives gift to Luyan! Quickly let him have a look!”.
https://preview.redd.it/luq5sicg9v1d1.jpg?width=300&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=be6924f7c175eb6dcef80cd756888c002907a3f4
When I crawled very close to my dad, saw the two toys he brought back: a yellow plastic gyro and a red ornate stick with spots of various colors. As I recall now, at that time, I could see a place 0.5m away and 0.9m in diameter, surrounded by white fog (note 5, this is a symptom of children neurodevelopmental disorder). I could only see half the width of my dad's body, not my mom. It is now estimated that I can't be more than 1.4m away from mom.
Mom said to Dad, "Looks like the kid has an eye problem! Getting down that close to see!"

6 Eve Liu

Another day, I was sitting on the bed in our bedroom, and my father said to my mother with a smile, “The other guy, that who, went to Shenyang and saw the Troupe Leader Liu. His family is doing well. I even asked him about his big girl (i.e., Eve Liu). How old is she!? She runs around, is not afraid of strangers, talks to people when she sees them, recites poems, sings songs, and can-do arithmetic within 100.”
Mom replied, “You still remember! She goes to a daycare center or kindergarten! I've heard that's where people are taught. What does that kid look like?”
Dad replied, "That I didn't ask."
Mom laughed and said, “You hid it from me!" Turning to me and said, "This little man, has a wife in the big city. In the future, after we go to school, we'll study hard and be better than her, we look down her! We're not going to climb up that high branch!”
Dad said, “Why don't you know? I couldn't ask. All he said was that the little girl was so smart, not afraid of strangers, and ran around the front and back yards. Such a little girl! Who can say she looks ugly!?”
Mom went into the inner room and stopped talking. At that time, I really wanted to listen. Mom noticed and said to Dad, “Little Luyan probably understands this! As soon as we talked Eve Liu, he stared and concentrated, listening very carefully!"
It seems that by this time, my eyesight had returned to near normal.
The End

The first time I held a knife to harm myself was when I was in gradeschool. I was 8 or 9 years old at that time. I was a top performer back then, but during that quarter, I ranked 10th in class from being 5th. I was so afraid to go home and tell my parents about it. After school, no one was home yet. I went to the kitchen, held the knife, stared at it for maybe an hour. I didn’t know what to do back then. I didn’t even know why I thought of that thing as something that could end my suffering. I hugged it and cried. I hated disappointing my parents. I can’t remember what happened next.
I just realized I was already broken by that age, and until now, I keep getting broken as time goes by. I still try to live, try to laugh, try to survive. I always believed that I would see rainbows after the rain.
Now, I’m in my 30s. I still have episodes from time to time. I keep myself busy. But lately, I’ve felt it. Being tired of everything. I’m really exhausted and tired. Last time was one of the worst episodes I’ve had in my entire life. After posting my message here, I stayed away from my phone for a month. I tried so hard to stay alive being alone. I sleep, eat, work, repeat. Like nothing really bad is going on in my head.
Last week, I opened my account and saw a few messages from people on this subreddit. I cried and cried and cried while reading those messages. These past months, I’ve neither been happy nor sad. But I do function like a robot. I still have insomnia, really bad, but you know, I tried living once more.
Now, I am still having these episodes of breaking down again. And looking back, I realized how broken I am as a person, as a human being. And I really feel sad about the idea that I have been depressed ever since I was a kid. I have lots of issues, anxiety.
How can I save myself? I am still suffering and I honestly do not know what to do. I want to give up. I really do. Will this ever really get better?

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I recently had a pretty uncomfortable experience with a trainee counselor and I'm not sure how to move forward.
During the session, I felt like the counselor wasn't very engaged. She often stared at me blankly while I was talking, which made me feel uneasy. At one point, she even said she could feel the awkwardness in the room and suggested it was because I was supposed to be leading the session, but I had run out of things to say. This made me feel like I was doing something wrong.
I had previously mentioned to her that I feel like an awkward person, so I don’t think her response was appropriate. I felt like she didn’t know what to say, and now I can't stop replaying it in my head and seeing her face looking at me like I was a freak.
The session ended early because I felt so uncomfortable that I asked to cut it short. I left feeling like there was something wrong with me for not being more communicative.
Does anyone have advice on how to proceed from here? Should I provide feedback to the service, and if so, how can I do it constructively without getting the trainee in trouble? Also, how can I ensure that my next counselor is a better fit?

Okay so it’s been around 3-4 months since I got my first tonsil stones. I first discovered them on my actual tonsils but then later discovered even more on my tonsils more on top of my throat. It’s been about 3 weeks since I got the big ones out and now I am left with remaining. my question is, how do I know if these remaining bits are new tonsils or old? I can’t tell and i’m jus getting even more discouraged daily since I keep getting more and more out. My right tonsil almost has no smell but my left tonsil is still pretty bad, yet I can’t get them out. I guess i’m jus looking for tips to removing those deep crypt tonsils as well as maybe jus a viewpoint on if these are new or old ones. I have yet to have a day where I have no smell, but I will get there one day😭😭

Timestamp: https://imgur.com/a/sPzKN43
Pics: https://imgur.com/a/V0Cd4Xy
Calls dibs, then pm me. I won’t pm you out of the gate. Don’t get scammed.
Prices are pretty firm unless you buy multiple items. Prices don’t include shipping, but I’ll keep the shipping to a minimum. Venmo, PayPal FF or add fees for GS, Zelle.

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11. Surefire KM2C,arisaka 600 body, mlok mount $250. Comes with surefire UE plug.
12. Arisaka 300 series w IR250 head, surefire switch $175.
13. Holosun LE-117IR, IR laser designator. $300.
14. Unity axom SL FDE switch for crane and surefire $75.
15. Surefire X300ub $200. Had to sand down battery cap for fitment on pistol, otherwise excellent shape.

Add ons (gotta get something else above to snag one of these).

1. QD sling 1.25” loop x4 $5 / each.
2. Magpul k2 ODG grip $5.
3. B5 coyote grip $5.

Godzilla: the world's safety depends on you, you have to stop destroyer kaiju from ruining the balance of nature, risking your life. You also might be a bit racist
King Kong: you have your own army to control, along with shimo. However, godzilla hates you, and you have a son.
King ghidorah: you are an evil kaiju, your goal is to kill all life. However, you have 2 brothers attached to you (right and left head), and you can't control them.
Mothra: you have godzilla by your side, you're quite powerful, but you're tiny and (this might be bad depending on how you feel about this) you're a female
Kong soldier: you fight for king kong, kong will protect you and your kong comrades. You were previously a slave to skar king, now you fight with king kong.
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I didn't know what else to do, so here I am for some brutal, honest advice.
TLDR: My boyfriend uses my hand and mouth to jerk him off while I'm sleeping to help his high sex drive.
My boyfriend, Jack 27M (fake name) and I 25F have been dating since late 2022 but have known each other since 2021. I believe our relationship is going pretty well. We ran into bumps a couple of times, but that is normal in every relationship. We are honestly pretty similar with a couple of differences. One big difference is our own sex drive. He has a pretty high libido while mine is low. I feel like mine was higher a couple of years ago, but I noticed lately the past year it's been really low. This, of course, has us both, especially Jack, feeling frustrated. I'm just... never in the mood. I have tried forcing myself in the past but Jack found out and asked me to never force myself to have sex with him. So... we just don't do it often. He does ask and sometimes he will try to slowly initiate sex but I would shut it down most of the time. I feel terrible about it.
So, leading with that info, we get to last night. I got home from a long day at work. Jack was on his PC playing games with his friends and drinking. He was having a great time and seemed like he was enjoying himself. He saw me walk in and got up to greet me. He kisses and hugs me and then starts groping my ass. Temptation is there, I get it, plus this part wasn't new. I'm glad he finds me attractive lol. I tell Jack that I'm going to workout for a little bit. He pouted for a little bit but let me go. So I changed, worked out, showered and got into sleepwear. I get back downstairs and Jack is playing games and drinking still, you know, having fun. We ate leftovers, I hopped on to my PC and started playing solo games. Jack progressively gets more drunk. Every once in a while, he will stop what he is doing, turns to me and just starts touching me sexually. Immediately goes for my private areas. I asked him to stop, as I wasn't really feeling it, plus I was also in a middle of a game I can't pause. Jack keeps on doing it. Just goes straight to groping me or trying to finger me, which just makes me mad. He wouldn't stop, even when I asked. When I ask him to stop, he will whine before going back to trying or back to gaming. I was uncomfortable the entire time. So after a while, I decided to just start heading for bed. He was in the middle of something in his game so I gave Jack a back hug, forehead kiss and told him I'm going to bed.
I get to our bedroom and sit on the bed for like 2 minutes to look at my phone. After that, I was gonna go brush my teeth then turn out the lights. Jack comes in not long after I got there and immediately lays on me on our bed, trying to initiate sex. I, of course, say, "I'm sorry no I have work in the morning, I need to go to bed." He gets upset, refusing to let me go brush my teeth, not even letting me get up. I finally got up and went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth while he laid on my side of the bed. I finish brushing, came back to our bed, and asked Jack to scoot over so I can lay down with him. He did complain but eventually scooted over and I laid on his arm. Jack tries grabbing me, either trying to grope my breast again or trying to reach under my nightgown to touch my private area but I politely told him "No, please I have work in the morning" and I would move his hands away. He got upset and just got up and left the room in a slight huff.
So... I was pretty upset and even more uncomfortable at that point. I called my friend crying and told her what happened. She eventually calmed me down and I fell asleep, maybe 30 minutes later? Anyway, I don't know how much time went by before I starting waking up to something touching my lips. I realize... it's Jack's penis. He's trying to put it in my mouth while I was sleeping. As soon as I realized, I turned over the way. It was dark, so he didn't notice that I was awake. For the next who knows how long, he was trying jerk off using me. Either it was him trying to shove his dick in my mouth, using my hand to jerk him off, or lifting my clothes up trying to see my body to jerk off. I moved everytime, hoping it would be the last and he would stop but it took a while. He eventually passed out half naked on our bed. I eventually passed out, crying myself to sleep. We both woke up at the same time, I got ready for work and left. We didn't say much to each other before I left other than a I love you and have a good day.
I feel extremely uncomfortable. I didn't even want to talk to him this morning but I pretended everything was okay. This isn't the first time this has happened though. He has done this a couple of times the past almost 2 years we have been dating but... I haven't said anything. Jack probably doesn't even know that I know what he tries to do at night. Why haven't I said anything. I don't know.... I guess I felt like this should make up a little bit for the action he doesn't get. I hated it everytime. And now I am even more uncomfortable than ever before.
Thank for reading and offering any/all advice ya'll have...