How to crochet a knot look scarfe

[Part 1]
Day 3
I woke the next morning from the sunshine in my eyes. My head was resting ever so slightly on Eli's arm as we had both fallen asleep on my bed after I begged him to stay. I blanched in horror at the drool stain I had left on the arm of his white t-shirt.
I began to slowly move myself and retreat downstairs as the memories of the night before came flooding back. How I had broken, screaming in terror, and how Eli had saved me, not knowing the true reason he found me curled up on the floor crying.
As I stepped off the bed, my leg got snagged in the frilly bed cover, and I went crashing to the ground, making quite the noise as I landed. With a yawn, Eli's eyes opened, and I felt myself blushing as he turned to look at me.
We both kind of stared at each other for a moment, not speaking. Eli opened his mouth, then closed it again as if unsure of what to say.
"Coffee?" I asked quickly, filling the awkwardness of our situation.
"Please," Eli said, smiling.
In minutes, I had a pot brewing as I leaned against the kitchen counter. Eli was picking up the scattered photographs from the floor and looking at them quizzically.
"Why do you have pictures of the Harmons?" Eli asked, showing me the photos of the yellow-haired man and his family.
"Is that their names? I found them out in the barn under a blanket," I answered as I rooted around the cupboards for two mugs.
"In the barn? I cleaned it out just last week. No way I would have missed this trunk," Eli said while examining the wooden trunk with its simple rustic hinges. It was plain and unadorned with any embellishments. Basic as basic could be.
"Well, you must have missed it because it was there," I said, putting emphasis on the "was" in a way that reminded me of my mother chastising my father.
"That's so weird," he said, shifting through the photos while sitting at the table. I brought him a cup of coffee and sugar, and he began absentmindedly adding a lot of sugar to his coffee. About six scoops later, he began stirring and sipping it.
"Well, anyways, thanks for coming last night. I wasn't myself, I hope you know that I'm not some damsel in distress," I said quickly, like word vomit, and I even chuckled at the end, feeling like a total weirdo.
"What happened anyway? You didn't say last night," he said, putting the photos down in a jumble on the table.
I paused for a moment, considering how to answer. As I sipped my coffee, I stared out into the yard beside the barn where the scarecrow stood, glancing around the edge of the barn, hanging limply in his hole. His appearance once again sad and dejected instead of murderous and terrifying.
"I was just scared, I had a nightmare, and it just scared me," I said dumbly, trying not to turn crimson again under his intense gaze.
His eyes seemed to cut right through my lie, as if he were staring directly into my being before he simply glanced away out the window. We fell silent again, and I filled some moments by sipping my drink. It seemed to revitalize me; the sun and the company made me feel secure.
"Why were you here anyways?" I asked after a moment.
"I heard screaming, so I came running. I live just on the other side of the grass there, behind the barn," Eli said, pointing to the barn out the window.
"Must be really close, I didn't see any houses on the way in," I said, prying deeper into the situation.
"It's actually a trailer, maybe like two hundred yards from here. I was outside getting some air when I heard you scream. So, I came running," Eli said, finishing his cup of coffee and placing it in between us like a barrier, as if he was hiding something.
"Could you, uh, not do that?" Eli asked, with an uncertain grin on his face.
"What am I doing exactly?" I asked, startled for a moment, my stomach doing a sort of flip.
"It's just that you like stare at people. You've been staring at me for like my whole cup of coffee, I don't think you blinked the whole time," Eli said, averting his eyes shyly.
"No, I don't," I said until I realized he was right. I never noticed that about myself.
"Right, well, I've got to go. I am probably going to start painting today, so you might see me in a bit," Eli said, rising and heading to the door.
"Wait," I said, grabbing his arm for only a moment before releasing it like it was scalding hot.
Eli glanced at my hand for a moment, then at his arm, before he, too, blushed crimson.
"I just wanted to say thank you again. For last night, I mean. Well, what I mean is I appreciate it," I said, my eyes downcast in, for some reason, shame. Like he had seen me at my weakest and it weighed on my gaze appropriately.
"It was nothing, besides I didn't get much sleep with your constant snoring," Eli said, laughing at me.
"I so don't snore," I said, swatting at him but unable to control a smile creeping up onto my face.
After Eli left, I felt instantly colder, my eyes kept returning to the scarecrow. I grabbed my camera from upstairs and went out to the yard. I scanned the dirt for anything out of the ordinary. There was no blood, or anything on the dirt where the scarecrow stood just last night. I slowly made my way to the scarecrow, but nothing happened. I snapped a photo of the inanimate object, and it didn't even flinch. I poked it, but all I felt was straw underneath its clothes. I removed its mask, expecting a severed head, but it was just straw. Nothing was here but straw. I dropped the mask on the ground and took another photo proving it was just straw and nothing else.
An idea struck me as I regarded the source of my torment. If I planned to stay even one more night here, I needed to do something about this scarecrow. I rooted around in the barn, a series of tools hung from nails in the wall. On one hung what I was searching for. An old rusted shovel with a dirty wooden handle that was worn smooth from use.
I returned to the side of the barn beside the scarecrow, knowing for whatever reason this thing only came when night fell and didn't react at all when I moved or touched it during the day.
Before my morning coffee had even settled, I began to dig at the dusty earth, loose and easy to dig, it came away in shovelfuls. Within an hour, I had a fair-sized hole in front of me. Sweat dripped from my brow, and when I wiped under my eyes, they came away black from last night's makeup. Glancing at the field of grass and knowing Eli could appear at any time, I decided to head inside and shower. The hot water was a godsend, and I lingered for longer, letting the water drain down my head and back, my eyes closed, trying to forget the images from the last two nights. I should just pack up my car and leave right this minute. But how could I explain this to my family? I decided to go through with my plan and bury the scarecrow. I could last one more night if I prepared for it.
I left the shower and dressed modestly, in another one of my old rock t-shirts and a pair of shorts. I returned to the yard and with a satisfying push, I dropped the scarecrow into the pit. It fell with a nice thud, and I smiled at my power over it in the day; it's just at night when I should fear it.
As I threw the first shovel of dirt back on top, I heard a noise in the grass, and it parted, revealing Eli wearing the same pair of jeans and work boots, but he had changed his shirt to a plain black one. In each hand, he held cans of paint and a brush.
"Should I even ask why you are burying that old scarecrow?" He asked as he came to stand beside me.
"Probably best if you didn't," I admitted, leaning on the shovel.
"Well, I'm going to anyway. Polly, why are you burying that old scarecrow?" He asked, a rare smile coming to his face.
"Because it's been haunting me at night," I said bluntly.
"Mhm, yeah, okay. Fine, don't tell me. I've been meaning to get rid of it anyway, but normal people take things to the landfill," Eli said with a smirk as he turned to the house and began setting up for his painting.
I finished burying the scarecrow and stomped the dirt down flat. I finished my job by moving my car and parking it directly over top of the spot where I buried it.
Eli watched me curiously but didn't remark. I returned the shovel to the barn and went out into the yard. I decided to go for a hike around the property. I needed some time alone to think and unwind.
As I made my way through the grass, it began to confuse me. This had obviously been a large farmland, but how had the wild plants grown in such a thick, endless maze of greenery?
It gave me an eerie feeling, like I was being watched as the grass covered three-quarters of my body, like there would be something lurking out in the grass, crouched low, waiting for me.
After a half-hour or so, I came upon a clear lake, only big enough to be considered an old swimming hole, I thought as I dipped my hand into the cool water.
I took off my outer clothes and decided to go for a swim. I lowered myself in slowly and reveled at the cool water. The pond wasn't deep, but the water was clean. A small rope swing had been hung from a large oak tree that bordered the pond. It also provided a nice layer of shade that made it the ideal spot to spend the day. I floated on my back in the water for what seemed like hours. The day seemed to slip away from me. A small beach of sand sat at one side of the pond, so I lay out in the sun and closed my eyes. The warm day warmed my soul, and soon I felt myself drifting off into sleep.
I awoke to the sound of crickets and darkness. I couldn't believe it. I had slept through the day; the long nights had finally caught up to me, and now I was stuck far away from the farmhouse. I didn't know if my plan with the scarecrow had worked, and this wasn't the place to test my theory.
A full moon lay overhead, casting a silvery glow on the world before me. A sea of grass swayed gently in the wind, sending shivers down it in shuddering waves. I looked around, but I was thankfully alone, just the crickets chirping along melodically as my only companions.
I had to make it back to the house, so I started on my way, my hands trailing along the tall grass. The pale light played easily on the deep green grass. Step by step, I made my way back towards the farmhouse and the barn, throwing caution to the wind, and I started to jog along, anything to get back faster. I would have to find Eli; maybe if we were together, he could stop it like before.
If I thought the field was creepy during the day, by night, it was a whole new world. Every sound made my heart stop for a beat before restarting in protest. When all of a sudden, the crickets stopped chirping. I dropped to my knees, letting the long grass cover me from sight. Through the strands, I could make out a shape moving slowly through the tall grass, the swish of the plants as it made its passage through them. My heart dropped. Was this Eli looking for me, or was it the scarecrow come for me?
That's when I heard a voice, a voice cutting through the silence. It started off quiet and raspy as it sang an eerie children's song.
"Did you, did you, did you come for me?
Run and hide, don't you know that I seek
The world it claims that I be not clean
When I come, you'll see how filthy I can be.
Tonight, it is happening, tonight you'll see
Beneath the moon, my shadows they do creep.
In this world, at night I shall be free.
Tonight it's happening, tonight you'll see.
When I come, you had better flee, or else I'll come and give my filth to thee."
I was frozen to the spot. It hadn't found me, but it knew I was in the grass somewhere. Now, with each word, chewed up and spat out like it was unhappy with it, now it was accompanied by the whistle of something in the air and a slicing sound as it cut through the grass around me.
It finished another round of its song, but now it stood within feet of me, its blade whistling as it cut. I took a moment to ready myself, and as it raised its blade to cut through the grass I hid in, I dashed out of my hiding spot and slammed into it. But nothing resisted me; I fell through it like it was a ghost.
In a tangle of limbs, I landed hard on the ground and tried quickly rolling to my feet. The blade of its weapon pierced the earth beside me. Now I could see it was a two-handed scythe the scarecrow carried, but something was off, its hands were human. Pale milky skin like a newborn baby. I had little time to examine the creature except for the canvas bag over its head. Two large black eyes came out of the slits that leaked a dark red blood like tears.
It screeched loudly and swung its scythe, but it was slow, and I took off through the grass in the direction of what I hoped was the farmhouse.
I completely gave up all pretense of hiding and sprinted as fast as I could without looking back. The grass seemed to part for me as I ran in terror. I was just glad that in high school, I had taken track as it was paying off now.
I could hear the noise of footsteps behind me, but I never turned. I ran and ran until my lungs felt like they were going to burst Something silver flashed to my left, and I tripped over something hard and unexpected. The wind was driven from my lungs as my chin slammed hard into the earth. I scrambled back, trying to escape, but the scarecrow was on me, its blade flashing angrily in the pale moonlight.
I wanted to move, I wanted to fight, but my body was weak and unable to catch its breath, and I lay there helpless as it swung its scythe towards me. I closed my eyes in fear, but I only heard the thud of dirt before I opened my eyes. The scythe was discarded, and the scarecrow stood staring at me.
It seemed to be struggling with something, one hand reached out towards me only to be snapped back to its side. A roar of rage pierced the canvas sack over its head as it struggled against its invisible bonds. For a moment, I thought I saw something behind it, three sets of hands holding it back. One feminine in nature, and the other two must have belonged to children. In a flash, I saw a beautiful woman who looked vaguely familiar with her long brown hair and plain dress.
"Run," she moaned as the scarecrow swung around wildly.
I didn't hesitate and fled, my breath had returned, and while my body still ached from my fall, I powered on, knowing this was the only respite I would receive tonight.
In the distance, I could see a small sheet metal shape; Eli's trailer was slowly coming closer as I ran, and I beelined it for the trailer. I could hear the footsteps behind me again as the scarecrow resumed its chase after me.
I reached the old trailer and banged on the door as loud as I could; I rattled the handle, but it was locked.
"Eli, it's me. It's Polly, please let me in. Please," I begged as I banged over and over again on the door of his trailer.
Nothing responded to me, and the trailer was dark. The single window in the back held no life inside the trailer. From the trailer, I couldn't tell which direction the farmhouse was in the dark, so I fled into the tall grass and crouched low, watching the clearing around the trailer.
While I caught my breath, I watched the scarecrow enter the clearing, its scythe back in its hand as it circled the trailer. When its raspy voice began singing again low and quiet, only loud enough for me to hear.
"Did you, did you, did you come for me?
Run and hide, don't you know that I seek
The world it claims that I be not clean
When I come, you'll see how filthy I can be.
Tonight, it is happening, tonight you'll see
Beneath the moon, my shadows they do creep.
In this world, at night, I shall be free.
Tonight it's happening, tonight you'll see.
When I come, you had better flee, or else I'll come and give my filth to thee."
The song made me shiver uncontrollably at the lyrics and the voice; it sounded demented like a crazy person letting their demons out into a nursery rhyme.
I lay perfectly still; for some reason, it couldn't find me. This creature I assumed was all-knowing seemed to have some very human weaknesses. It moved and talked like a human, even had certain body parts that were from a human; it even felt human the way it chased and reacted.
The scarecrow moved on through the tall grass, and I let out a sigh of relief as it lost my trail. How terrifying that beast was. In my pocket was the keys to my car. Eli had told me that the farmhouse was fairly close to his trailer. I had to navigate to the car, then drive as fast as I can away from this place. The fact that I hadn't left already because I was worried about money was insane. Who cares, I could drive to Barb's and demand my money back. Go home and just tell my parents the truth. The whole reason for actually leaving home this summer, why I was actually here in this field shivering uncontrollably in fear. But I couldn't think about that now, not now, there will be time to deal with that later. Now I needed to focus on staying alive, getting to the car, and getting out of here.
I went in the direction the scarecrow had; he knew the land better than I did, and every noise I made in the silence of the night made my heart drop. It took all my courage there and then to take one step forward, then another. I felt like I was going to be sick; my stomach was in knots to where it felt like even if I was sick, the only thing to come out would be only bile and stomach acid.
With each careful step, I made my way closer to the farmhouse and the scarecrow. Through the darkness, I could see my goal, the farmhouse, and the barn. Within minutes, I had made it securely to the farmhouse yard.
My car still sat in the same spot overtop of the hole where I buried the scarecrow. In the moonlight, I could see that the dirt had not been disturbed.
The scarecrow was nowhere to be seen, and I cautiously made my way to my car, my keys in my hand as I approached the driver's door. I hadn't locked the car, and it opened on the first try. I turned on my car as quietly as I could, but nothing could have prepared me for what happened next.
Something landed heavily on top of the roof of my car, making it dent inwards slightly. With horror, I saw the scarecrow swing its scythe into the back window of my car. With a crash, the glass shattered inwards; I put my car into gear and roared away down the lane. In my rearview mirror, I couldn't see anything, so I swerved back and forth, trying to shake the creature from the roof of my car when the scythe crashed in through the front window, making a hole just large enough for it.
The glass spidered, and I couldn't see out the window very well. I swerved down the road, but the scythe remained in the car, allowing the creature purchase. In a panic, I spun my wheel wildly, trying to dislodge it, but I lost control, and soon felt something crash into the front of my car. The airbag went off in my face, and I hadn't been wearing my seatbelt. I slammed hard into something else, and my vision went dark. I was in a daze; I must have passed out because I don't remember a lot of what happened next. I felt the car door open with a crunching tear, and it landed loudly as it was torn off. My body being grabbed and tossed on the ground. I felt no pain, just a gentle numbness. I felt blood on my head as I raised my arm to touch my face.
Then just blackness, complete, and empty just feelings, fear, unease, sadness. My eyes opened, and the scarecrow was overtop of me. Pain on my chest and my vision went dark again. Coughing as something poured down my throat. I couldn't breathe, why couldn't I breathe?
My eyes opened one last time, and I saw the scarecrow pouring a dark liquid from its mouth directly into my mouth and eyes. My vision was red and bloody before I closed them one last time.
The words of its song echoed into the emptiness of my thoughts.
"Did you, did you, did you come for me?
Run and hide, don't you know that I seek?
The world it claims that I be not clean.
When I come, you'll see how filthy I can be.
Tonight, it is happening, tonight you'll see,
Beneath the moon, my shadows they do creep.
In this world, at night, I shall be free.
Tonight it's happening, tonight you'll see.
When I come, you had better flee, or else I'll come and give my filth to thee."
The darkness enveloped me, and I felt myself slipping away, the sounds of the night fading into oblivion.
Day 4
When I awoke, it was morning, and I found myself lying in a hospital bed. My head throbbed with pain, and my body ached all over. The memories of the terrifying night flooded back to me, and I shuddered involuntarily.
A nurse entered the room, her kind eyes filled with concern. "You're awake," she said softly, her voice gentle like a soothing balm. "You're lucky to be alive. You were found unconscious by the side of the road next to your car. Do you remember what happened?"
I tried to speak, but my throat felt raw and dry. I croaked out a few words, barely audible. "The scarecrow... it attacked me..."
The nurse frowned, her brows furrowing in confusion. "Scarecrow? What scarecrow?"
My heart raced with panic as I realized the truth. Had it all been a nightmare? But the pain in my body felt too real, the memories too vivid to be mere hallucinations.
I tried to explain, to tell her about the terrifying creature that had pursued me through the night, but she only looked at me with concern, as if I were delusional.
"I'll get the doctor, and there is a young man who brought you in. He has been here all morning," the nurse said with a sly wink.
After a few minutes, she came back with Eli and a doctor, both of whom smiled gently at me through the window. The doctor came in first and went over my health with me. I had a concussion and bruises all over my body. A generous-sized cut from some glass on my scalp had been stitched and bandaged. My mind flashed back to the night before. How the scarecrow had filled me with its gooey red blood.
"Did you find anything else?" I asked cautiously, trying to avoid another scandal like with the nurse.
"No, as long as you have someone to pick you up and take you home, you are free to go. That nice young man out there said he would take you back home," the doctor said, pointing to Eli as he rose with a slight grunt.
I glanced at Eli, and he waved uncertainly at me. The doctor went out and began talking to Eli for a few minutes.
While I waited, my mind began to have strange thoughts. Something was wrong; I felt weird. My vision turned red, and I began to see images before my eyes.
The Harmons. They flashed before my eyes in real-time—the husband hugging his wife, then swinging his kids around, chopping wood outback next to the barn while his wife cooked in the kitchen.
As Eli entered the room, the visions stopped suddenly. Like my saving angel for the third time now, I was extremely grateful to Eli.
"Heyyyyy," Eli said, elongating the word in a sort of familiar yet awkward way.
"Hi," I said, closing my eyes and letting my embarrassment pass in only a few seconds.
"Why is it that fifty percent of the times we meet, you're in serious trouble?" Eli asked, coming to sit on the edge of my bed.
"Oh, you know me, bad luck, I guess," I said simply, becoming aware that under my blankets, I was in a backless hospital gown, and he was inches away from me.
I pulled the blanket up to my chin as a sort of cover for my appearance, but Eli didn't seem to notice. He continued talking to me. It was actually really sweet the way he seemed to care for me.
"Anyways, the doctor said I could take you back to the farmhouse to rest," Eli said.
"No," I said suddenly, becoming serious.
"What? Why not?" Eli asked.
"I just, I just can't right now. I'll tell you later. Just, we can't spend the night anywhere near the farm," I said, grabbing him by the arm, hoping to sway him.
"Well, I mean, if you want, we can grab your stuff, and my house can literally go anywhere," Eli said in an offhand manner, as if he had expected this.
"Promise?" I asked, trying not to seem too afraid.
Within the hour, we had returned to the farmhouse. The hole I dug was still covered over, and I stared at it as we parked in Eli's black pickup truck.
I ran inside and quickly got changed into my only clean clothes, grabbing everything I had from the farmhouse. I paused at the dinner table, looking down at the photographs of the Harmons and thinking back to that weird moment in the hospital with that odd vision.
The day was getting longer, and I hurried back to Eli, waiting in the pickup truck. I threw my bag in the back and climbed in beside him. He smiled and backtracked down the lane. We turned to the left and went down a side road where we came upon my poor old car. It had crashed directly into a tree, and the whole front part of the car had been destroyed. Fluid leaked all over the road, and I almost shed a tear for my departed friend. We had traveled far together. I grabbed a few things from the car, but something was off about the car. The front door had been knocked off and was discarded on the far side of the road. It looked impossible; the door hadn't even hit the tree.
Eli hooked his truck up to his trailer, and we sped off, leaving the property behind us. We headed into town and found a pullout on the side of the road with a set of bathrooms to camp at for the night. Eli's trailer was messy but cozy. He had laundry strewn over most surfaces, but it didn't smell bad.
The room consisted of a small kitchen with a bed in one corner. There were also a lot of posters and artwork on the walls. I examined one of a pretty girl with long raven-black hair. It was a realist painting, obviously taken from real life.
"Who is this?" I asked as Eli made us some food.
"That is just a friend," Eli said, glancing at the painting he had done.
"Well, she is a pretty friend," I said, enjoying watching the back of his ears turn bright red.
"Dinner's ready," he said, pouring the mixture of food he had made onto a pair of plates.
Eli served me and handed me a can of Coke to drink. I thanked him and sat on his bed. It was the only serviceable piece of furniture in the whole trailer. We both sat in silence for a moment while we ate. I could tell something was bothering Eli as he kept making glances toward me.
"What? What is it, Eli? Just say it," I said between bites.
"Tell me what happened, Polly. Tell me why you were burying the scarecrow, why you were passed out in the road with straw in your hair. Tell me why you were muttering about the Harmons and a scarecrow when I found you," Eli said suddenly, as if he were unloading a machine gun.
I looked Eli square in the face and relented. I told him about the last couple of nights at the farmhouse, about how the scarecrow had been tormenting me every night. About how he had saved me and how last night I had fled through the fields to his trailer and then to my car. I told him about the vision I had about the Harmons in the hospital. By the end of it, I was in tears. I felt so foolish and childish.
Eli took it in stride. He asked a few questions during my retelling, but by the end of it, he was silent. Tears fell down my face and landed in my lap. We had both put our plates on the counter, and Eli hugged me. He put his arms around me, and I nuzzled into his shoulder, feeling comforted again in him at the lowest points of my life.
With a gentle hand, he wiped away my tears, and I smiled, letting a nervous laugh escape my lips. I looked up into his face and felt his stare before I saw it. His pale blue eyes shone with comfort, and then his lips were on mine as he kissed me quickly before pulling away slightly.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. That was insensitive of me. You're sad, and I took advantage of that," Eli said, moving back slightly.
"Shut up," I said, and grabbed his shirt, bringing him back in.

Hi everyone,
Long read ahead.
I wanted to share a bit about myself and ask for your insights on a topic that's been on my mind.
I'm a 31-year-old guy, happily married for two years to an amazing woman I dated for two years before tying the knot. We share our home with a small, mischievous cat. Life has been kind to us, and I feel incredibly fortunate.
I come from a humble background. My father worked hard to support our family of four, ensuring that my brother and I could attend a good school in Bhayandar, a suburb near Mumbai in Maharashtra (though I'm never quite sure if it's in Thane or Palghar district). Despite the financial constraints, my father prioritized our education, and I was able to go to reputed colleges for my higher studies.
I was always a book smart kid, consistently scoring good grades. Thanks to my father's support, I managed to complete my MBA from a tier-2 B-School without needing any student loans. At 23, I landed a job in management consulting straight out of B-school, which has been a significant turning point in my life. Financially, things have been stable, allowing me to save a decent amount and enjoy a comfortable life with my wife.
However, despite these blessings, there are a few things that keep me wide awake at night, and I will try to put them down here in some sort of structure:
Will I Ever Have Enough Money?
I know no amount of money is ever enough, but I also know that no matter how hard I work, I will never be able to afford a swanky apartment in Mumbai without plunging myself into massive housing debt. As a college kid, I would visit my affluent friend's farmhouse and dream of owning one myself. But that dream keeps drifting further away the more I earn. It feels frustrating, like no matter what I do, I will never be able to own a home I like in a city I love.
Having Kids
Being 31 now means I need to start thinking about a family. But the thought of having kids absolutely petrifies me. Beyond the medical expenses, supporting a child in a rapidly deteriorating world and ensuring they are safe, cared for, and have all their needs met seems so daunting that I can barely comprehend it.
Medical Emergencies
My parents are pushing towards 60 now. Although we have medical insurance, I always worry we are not prepared for medical emergencies. I constantly fear that if a medical emergency strikes my family, all my savings will be drained, and that thought worries me immensely. Plus I don't think I am emotionally in a state where I can become a carer.
Society in General
No matter the political, religious, or caste affiliations I have, I feel the Indian society in general is deteriorating. People are angrier, both online and in real life. Corruption and bureaucratic red tape are stifling. I have never dealt with a government official without paying a bribe, except when getting my passport made. My family and I can easily become collateral damage in someone's conflict. Recently, during the Ram temple inauguration, Mira Road saw a flurry of violence, and that’s where my parents stay. The absolute apathy of the progressive governments towards us is ridiculous, making it difficult for a tax-paying citizen to feel righted by the state while getting the bare minimum in return.
I know complaining is also a privilege, and I am aware that many are much less fortunate than I am. But I don’t want to compare. I just want to know from people here, who come from different backgrounds, income levels, and age groups—how do you cope? How do you wake up every day and think, "I must keep going for 30 more years" (in my case, as I assume I will work till 60), and hope to have made something worthwhile of my life by then so that I can have a few years of quiet before my time on this planet is done?
Looking forward to hearing your thoughts on this and how do you cope. Maybe there are more things that keep you up, do share.

Hi everyone,
Long read ahead.
I wanted to share a bit about myself and ask for your insights on a topic that's been on my mind.
I'm a 31-year-old guy, happily married for two years to an amazing woman I dated for two years before tying the knot. We share our home with a small, mischievous cat. Life has been kind to us, and I feel incredibly fortunate.
I come from a humble background. My father worked hard to support our family of four, ensuring that my brother and I could attend a good school in Bhayandar, a suburb near Mumbai in Maharashtra (though I'm never quite sure if it's in Thane or Palghar district). Despite the financial constraints, my father prioritized our education, and I was able to go to reputed colleges for my higher studies.
I was always a book smart kid, consistently scoring good grades. Thanks to my father's support, I managed to complete my MBA from a tier-2 B-School without needing any student loans. At 23, I landed a job in management consulting straight out of B-school, which has been a significant turning point in my life. Financially, things have been stable, allowing me to save a decent amount and enjoy a comfortable life with my wife.
However, despite these blessings, there are a few things that keep me wide awake at night, and I will try to put them down here in some sort of structure:
Will I Ever Have Enough Money?
I know no amount of money is ever enough, but I also know that no matter how hard I work, I will never be able to afford a swanky apartment in Mumbai without plunging myself into massive housing debt. As a college kid, I would visit my affluent friend's farmhouse and dream of owning one myself. But that dream keeps drifting further away the more I earn. It feels frustrating, like no matter what I do, I will never be able to own a home I like in a city I love.
Having Kids
Being 31 now means I need to start thinking about a family. But the thought of having kids absolutely petrifies me. Beyond the medical expenses, supporting a child in a rapidly deteriorating world and ensuring they are safe, cared for, and have all their needs met seems so daunting that I can barely comprehend it.
Medical Emergencies
My parents are pushing towards 60 now. Although we have medical insurance, I always worry we are not prepared for medical emergencies. I constantly fear that if a medical emergency strikes my family, all my savings will be drained, and that thought worries me immensely. Plus I don't think I am emotionally in a state where I can become a carer.
Society in General
No matter the political, religious, or caste affiliations I have, I feel the Indian society in general is deteriorating. People are angrier, both online and in real life. Corruption and bureaucratic red tape are stifling. I have never dealt with a government official without paying a bribe, except when getting my passport made. My family and I can easily become collateral damage in someone's conflict. Recently, during the Ram temple inauguration, Mira Road saw a flurry of violence, and that’s where my parents stay. The absolute apathy of the progressive governments towards us is ridiculous, making it difficult for a tax-paying citizen to feel righted by the state while getting the bare minimum in return.
I know complaining is also a privilege, and I am aware that many are much less fortunate than I am. But I don’t want to compare. I just want to know from people here, who come from different backgrounds, income levels, and age groups—how do you cope? How do you wake up every day and think, "I must keep going for 30 more years" (in my case, as I assume I will work till 60), and hope to have made something worthwhile of my life by then so that I can have a few years of quiet before my time on this planet is done?
Looking forward to hearing your thoughts on this and how do you cope. Maybe there are more things that keep you up, do share.

Last year November, my edges were taken from me by a hairdresser I went to, they still have not grown back despite me taking a break from the tight hairstyles, I'm wondering if crochet braids may be a better alternative for my hairline as I don't really have the time to do my own hair nor do I know how to, and wigs never look good on me.

Even if you don’t speak the first time, just being with other people who can understand you will help.
First
Previous
You know the drill: credit to SpacePaladin15 for the universe.
Thank you JulianSkies for proofreading.
Memory Transcription Subject: Billy Marsh, Dirt
Date [Standardized Human Time]: March 29, 2142
Why the hell couldn’t I get rid of Gillab? I wanted him gone, he was ruining everything, and he is even technically trespassing in my house. I could easily get him removed with a simple nine-one-one call, so why couldn’t I just do it? Is there something else wrong with my head? Another problem I needed to deal with?
I wish I had some alcohol. Something to take my mind off of this. The memories were starting to come back more and more as well, last night was the worst sleep I have had in a while. The night terrors I once kept away with liquor had returned, something that scared Gillab half to death. He said that I was screaming bloody murder in my sleep, but just like every other time I’ve had a night terror, I couldn’t even remember a single detail.
But that didn’t matter now, what did was trying to give a decent first impression. I don’t know why, it’s not like I care, but I found myself wanting to look halfway presentable for the veterans’ meetup. Maybe I didn’t want others to waste their time worrying about me. Yeah, that was it. They shouldn’t need to worry about dirt like me. Still, I promised to ‘go through the motions,’ so here I was.
I didn’t really know how to describe the building, it almost looked like a warehouse. Short and wide, from the outside one would assume it was just another warehouse, but the inside had been turned into a community center. It was probably just another one of the overbuilt buildings that had been repurposed. There were tones of those around as architects and city planners would miscalculate how many of a certain type of building were needed. Many places were repurposed, this was just another.
I stopped at the door and looked over to Gillab. “This isn’t going to do anything. I’m just wasting time here.”
“No, you aren’t. Even if you don’t realize it, you are healing. Even just walking around outside of your house and eating a half-decent meal has helped, I can see that. You aren’t nearly as angry today as you were yesterday. Now go on, while you are doing this I’m going to run some errands for you. You need real food in your house.”
“Don’t bother, I don’t know how to cook.”
“Then we will learn. I don’t know how to cook Human food either. Kirala is the chef of the house.”
I thought to ask who Kirala was, but bit my tongue. I’m not supposed to care. “Whatever, I’m going in now.”
“See you soon Billy.”
I shut the door behind me and took stock of the room around me. It was a waiting area complete with inoffensive paintings and beige seats. At the opposite end of the room was a woman sitting behind a counter, typing away on a computer. Taking a deep breath, I walked up to talk to her.
“Hello, uhm, I’m here for the veterans’ group therapy session.”
“Oh course, that’ll be down that hall. Room number three, it should be on your left.”
I tried to stop bouncing my leg. “Thank you.”
I didn’t wait for a response and started down the hall, feeling a pit grow more and more in my stomach. What if this goes wrong? What if I just cause more problems? What if I ruin more people’s lives? What if I just make it worse?
I stopped in front of the door, my leg bouncing constantly. This was wrong, I shouldn’t be here. I’m unhelpable, I should just leave. Gillab said he was running errands, he wouldn’t even know that I skipped it.
The pit in my stomach began clearing as I turned away, but I couldn’t even take a single step before I stopped.
No, that’s wrong. I made a promise to Gillab, so I have to do this. Not for me, but for him. Even if I’m useless, I should still respect others.
But I could just lie, he wouldn’t know any better.
But what if he finds out?
Getting chewed out later is much easier than going through with this.
Isn’t this supposed to help though?
Do you think I deserve help?
Why… why shouldn’t I?
Because of what I’ve done. Who I've hurt. Who I have killed. The lives I have ruined trying to help them. If I was anything other than dirt, I could have saved so many more and ruined so few. Now stop stalling, and walk-
“Do you need help, sir?”
My heart plummeted and the bouncing immediately started. I turned around nervously, trying to form a single cohesive thought. A man was standing halfway in the doorway.
Don’t bother him, just say that I’m in the wrong spot.
“Uhh… N-”
My voice caught in my throat, almost causing me to cough.
“Y-yes. Is this the v-veterans’ therapy thing?”
Why did I say that?
The man stepped out of the doorway, a small smile now on his face. “Yep, this is it. You must be Billy, right? Charlotte told me that you were going to start showing up. I’m Richard, and yes, my friends call me Dick.”
Richard stuck out his hand. I stared at it for a split second before realizing I needed to shake it. As I did, I realized that it felt wrong. It was too tough to be a normal Human hand, it was almost like metal.
I looked up from the hand. “Y-you’re an amputee too?”
Richard smiled widely. “Sure am. Lost it on Sillis to an Arxur. I can see - feel - that you lost an arm as well.”
“Yeah… I’d prefer n-not to talk about it.”
Richard lost his smile, but not his courtesy. “I understand. I wasn’t able to even look at mine for a long time. Quite a few were just as unfortunate as us, a number of them come to these sessions as well. Would you like to step in? I was only going to leave to grab some refreshments.”
“S-sure. Yeah. I’ll find a seat.”
“Great, I’ll be right back.”
Richard departed for the end of the hall, leaving me standing awkwardly in front of the door. I could feel the pit begin to grow again and my leg started to bounce furiously.
Why did I say yes? Why did I say yes? Why did I say yes? Why did I say yes?
I’m in too deep now to back out, all I can do is go through the motions. It’s just motions. Just another step. One more breath. That’s all I have to do.
I stepped into the room, keeping my head lowered the entire time. There were three other people in the room, chatting idly with one another. Two Humans were chatting together, only briefly pausing to glance at me before starting right back up. The Venlil looked up from his phone and patted the seat next to himself, inviting me to sit next to him.
I sighed internally and made my way over, not wanting to set myself apart as the outcast. The Venlil watched me sit and only started talking when I was settled in. “Hi, I’m Tunek.”
I gave him a short nod, looked away, and realized I was supposed to give my own name. “I-I’m Billy.”
Tunek watched my hand for a moment, before leaning back in his chair. “So, is this your first time being at one of these?”
I nodded quickly. “Yes. I’m only here because of a friend.”
Tunek nodded. “Hey, as long as it gets you here. Just taking the first step is all it takes to start the journey. I stole that from Dick, but don’t tell him I said that.”
I nodded. “Sure.”
Tunek tilted his head in concern and moved to respond, but Richard returned just before he could speak. “Alright, I’m back with the waters and the snacks, why don’t we all grab one before we start?”
Everyone but me left their spot to grab something from the cooler that Richard brought back. The two Humans returned to their seats with some water and a cereal bar each, but Tunek hesitated when he started to return. He took a step, paused when he saw me, and turned back to grab another water and snack bar. He must have been hungry.
I looked down at myself as he walked back. Even if I was hungry, I didn’t deserve something to eat. My suffering was my punishment for what I had done and what I had failed to do. I don’t know why I’m here, I don’t deserve to get better. I’m just dirt, I should just-
“Here you go.”
I looked up to see Tunek handing me a bottle of water and a piece of fruit leather. Tentatively, I reached out and grabbed them. “How’d you know I was hungry?”
Tunek shrugged. “A hunch. It’s a little early for dinner and a bit after lunch and I figured I would be peckish around this time so you might be as well.”
I set the water bottle to the side and peeled open the fruit leather. “Thanks…”
“No problem.”
Richard took a sip of his water as I took my first bite, setting the bottle aside as he began to speak. “Alighty, now that everyone has something to keep them awake, I can start talking. As you might have noticed, we have a new member joining us today. So why don’t we all introduce ourselves? John, do you want to start with a name and a little about yourself?”
The man with short, brown-blonde hair sat up straight. “Sure, I’ll get this started. I’m John, I served the UN for four years before we made first contact, but only served for one after. I’m an only father, but I like to think that my wife is looking down from heaven trying to guide me. However, with how old Rachel is, it feels less like guiding and more strength-giving. Oh, and I hate the taste of lemons. I think that’s about it.”
The mention of lemons caused my stomach to tie itself in a knot. James always hated the taste of lemons. Just another reminder of how useless I am.
The man to the left of John smiled. “I guess it’s my turn. My name is Carter. I served the UN for three years until I was discharged for repeated disorderly conduct. I was in a bad spot for a while, but with the help of Dick here I got out of it. Well, start getting out of it. I still have some… flare-ups, but that’s why I’m here.”
Carter smiled, but it was sad. Tunek let him have his moment of silence, encouraging the veteran to be with his emotions for a moment, before starting his own introduction. “Well, I guess you already know my name, but for the sake of completion, I’ll say it again. I’m Tunek. I served the Venlil Space Force for around one Earth year before first contact, where I served with the UN until the conflict with the Yulpa on Grenelka. I… well… after that I couldn’t serve anymore. Something else… I’ve always wanted to learn how to play an instrument properly, but never had the drive to do it. That’s about it for me. Dick, since you were so kind to leave yourself for last, I think it’s your turn.”
Richard chuckled. “Yeah, I guess it is. Well, like I said earlier, my name is Richard, but don’t be afraid to call me Dick. I come from a military family and have always known the dangers of signing up, but that didn’t stop me. I didn’t realize that the war was affecting me until Milieu. Then and there I knew what needed to be done. Once the war was over, I went straight to work creating this.”
Richard paused for a moment to catch his breath. ”I knew that therapists were going to be swamped and many veterans were going to be left behind, so I took what little experience and knowledge I had with my military family and used it to help as many as I could. So now I meet with tons of veterans throughout the week to help them adjust to civilian life and overcome their internal struggles. I’m glad that you have joined us today and hope that we give a good first impression.”
I wasn’t ready for him to stop talking and scrambled to get my words out. “Y-yeah. So far everyone seems nice.”
“Well, if it’s good for you then it’s good for me. With that all out of the way, why don’t we jump right in? I’m not the type to beat around the bush. Let’s start with a simple recap of the week. How have you all been this last week? Any wins, losses, jumps, or setbacks? Remember, there’s no judgment here. We are all suffering together, but we heal together as well.”
The room was silent for a moment, everyone looking for someone else to start the chain, before Carter spoke up. “I guess I’ll go first, if you’ll let me.”
Richard sat down. “Of course Carter, whenever you are ready.”
Carter nodded and propped himself up on his elbows. “I, uh… I had another meltdown, on Wednesday. It came out of nowhere. Happened in the middle of the supermarket, I thought I was… I managed to make it home in time before it really started, but just barely. I was hardly in my room before I started bawling. I… I feel so alone sometimes. I can be in the middle of the supermarket and feel like I’ve been stranded on an island alone f-for years. I m-miss them so much. Y-you all have made it easier, but sometimes… Sometimes it’s too much.”
John placed a hand on Carter’s back and Richard offered a concerned look. “If you ever feel like that, feel free to call me.”
Carter sniffled and wiped away a forming tear. “I know, I know. You’ve told me before, and I almost did, but I thought that you wouldn’t need me bothering you in the middle of the day.”
“Carter, you know I would drop anything to come to your help. Only me dying could stop me.”
Carter leaned back in his chair and laughed even as he wiped away another tear. “Thank you, Dick, but please don’t go dying. You’re too nice for that.”
Richard smiled. “I don’t plan on it anytime soon, Carter. I still have so many more people to help.”
After a moment of silence, John took the initiative and started his own story. “I had a pretty big win this last week. I finally made it through a whole week without having suicidal thoughts.”
Richard smiled widely. “That's wonderful! I told you that you were making progress.”
“I know, but sometimes I feel like I have no purpose anymore. It’s overwhelming. My daughter is old enough to care for herself, I’m only working a menial labor job, I can’t find any hobbies to enjoy… I feel like nothing.”
“But you aren’t ‘nothing,’ you are you. And there is only one of you. I can’t go out and find another John, or another Carter, or Tunek, or Billy. You are all unique, and losing you would be a tragedy.”
Before I could stop myself, I spoke. “Am I really worth saving?”
Everyone went silent for a moment, caught off guard by my words. After Richard deciphered the sudden question, he gave a response with absolute certainty. “Absolutely. There is nothing in this world that can’t be forgiven or overcome.”
“Are you sure? After the things I’ve done… forget I said anything.”
Richard shook his head. “I can’t do that, Billy. I can’t willingly ignore someone in need.”
“I don’t need help. I’m getting exactly what I deserve for what I have done.”
“And what have you done?”
“I… I don’t want to talk about it.”
Richard sighed. “That’s okay, for now. Eventually, you will have to come to terms with it, but for now, you can just listen if you want to.”
“Yeah. I think I’m just going to listen.”
I leaned back and crossed my arms, letting Tunek speak his mind. “I think I know what you are going through. Not the specifics, but I think I can get a general idea.”
“No, I don’t think you do.”
Tunek was silent for a moment, before looking away from me and speaking. “I was on the Cradle when it fell, and on Sillis when the Arxur raided it, and on Milieu fighting off the Kolshians. I tried to save as many people as I could, but in the end, I could only make their passing less painful. I couldn’t even save my partner. I froze in the moment. I could have saved him. But I was frozen in fear. His death is entirely on my shoulders. I’m still fighting that to this day.”
I stared at Tunek for a second, before turning away and sighing. They didn’t know what I was going through, no one could. They didn’t know my crimes, if they did they would kick me out. Their problems, no matter how real, were nothing compared to mine. They still could be helped, I couldn’t.
Could I? If all these people could heal, why couldn’t I?
Because my crimes are too severe.
I… yeah…

Today, I finally put on my altered dress for my (23f) best friend's (24f) engagement party. Although I look beautiful in it and I am feeling myself, I keep having flashbacks and flashfowards of what can go bad.
We met on facebook when we were both in high school and clicked, despite having bad opinions about each other. We had plenty of common things to talk about, and I honestly admired her for how intelligent and well spoken she is. Although, she always was the kind that had her mind set on an ideal when it came to relationships that resulted in a very toxic dynamic between her and her partner. When her partner didn't satisfy her, she would go cold and never said what was wrong. Instead, she was venting to me. That made our friendship toxic. She would constantly cheat emotionally on her partner with me. Things escalated quickly, and we actually caught feelings for each other. I started to be her actual lover, and I felt guilty about it. At some point, we were in a relationship, too. It was a short and bad one that put our friendship on a pause.
4 years later, I decided to reconnect with her because I thought that I wasn't going to waste a good friendship in a bad relationship, and it was a very good decision. We were both healthier, and now we had a better dynamic, too. I talked to her about my boyfriend ( 25m) and our love story. Long story short, he is my soulmate. I am convinced about that. No relationship compares to this one. I told her about how fast we had to move on because of our circumstances and how nice it is to live with him, and she understood. She is happy with our relationship and wishes us the best. Not so much later, she met her current fiancé (25m). He was quite intimidated by me, he told that to my face but we clicked well. That's until we found out that he is quite dodgy. He is a womanizer who decided to "settle" and fell for her quickly. He also is the kind to search for the most dodgy jobs just to make a bit more cash, that he spends quickly on god knows what. He saw everything. Drugs, prostitution, robberies, death, etc. Not only that, but he is cocky about never being caught, too. I thought they were an odd pairing since she is the independent, level-headed but introverted big sister that took no shit from anyone, but whatever. We didn't want to judge. They moved on quickly with their relationship, even quicker than me, and my boyfriend did. They got engaged in 8 months, and three months later, she is pregnant, too. Their engagement lasted only 6 months, and next month, they are getting married. Because a wedding is quite expensive for them right now, they decided to skip the church wedding and only do the official documents and do an engagement dinner party with their close family and friends. Oh boy, the organization is a mess.
First, they asked us to be their godparents but quickly changed their minds after their parents realized that me and my boyfriend are not married, which is a big problem with the church but not with the documents. I wanted to point that out to them since they are not going to be wedded in church but whatever. Ever since we were in high school, she promised me that I would be her godmother to her wedding. It was disappointing, but I knew that I needed to be flexible. Second, she wants her guests to dress more elegantly for the event. Her fiancé and my BF got a bit fussy that they couldn't wear jeans and Hawaiian shirts, but we quickly changed their minds. But this transitioned to the third problem. I had to get my dress pretty early into the engagement so we could save some money. I got a nice dress for my budget: a midi mint dress with puffy veil sleeves and crochet flowers motifs that enhanced my bosom. I checked with her if the color and the model were ok, and she said that she was happy with it... Until she got her dress. She decided to dress in a way more layed back style and get a white cotton beach dress. It's incredibly simple, and my boyfriend described it to be a sack of potatoes in comparation to what I was wearing. Not only that, but it was 5 times more expensive than mine. This was a problem. I didn't want to overdress or upstage the bride to be, so I got another dress that's more laid back, the one that I am currently wearing so my mom could alter her a bit. Fourth, they keep changing the dates, and that got everyone annoyed because it messed with the free work days. Fortunately, this was resolved, and now they have a date that's set in stone. The organization is quite messy, too. BF had the condition that he didn't want to drive in the city, so he would drink, something that can't happen because they have many guests and not enough cars. We live far away from them, in a suburban area. There is a 5 hour drive between us and besides them, we don't know anyone in their city. They offered us a free room ( baby's future room) but even that is uncertain. Fifth, they are not the most stable couple. Her fiancé gets mad and jealous quite easily. He used to fight with her when she wears more make-up than usual or she was too indiferent to his flirting. She is the kind of woman who never wears her emotions, and that drives him nuts. She did open up slowly to him, but it's too slow for his pace. Not only this, but he has a high-sexual drive while her's is low. He gets very fussy when they don't get to have regular sex. When she got pregnant, the gyno told her to stop sexual relations for a while, so the baby stays in place. He said that he can't stop having sex for his own health, and it is quite unfair. She hit him with an ultimatum that if he made her abort it, she would never have kids with him again. That made him settle, at least for a while. He is also the kind that wants a boy, so he could continue his "legacy." If that didn't make it clear for what kind of person he is, then I don't know what more can I tell you. Also, the both of them hinted that me and boyfriend should get pregnant too, so our children could be best friends just like us. We quickly shut it down with "With what money?Plus, we are not mentally prepared for it". Which brings us to the sixth problem, and I and BF are not in a stable money situation like they are. BF used to be overworked and paid badly while I couldn't work right now. He did get to change his job for a better one, which is a huge relief. I wanted to work, I wished to, but bestie and her fiancé keep wanting to have vacations with us twice a year. No workplace would be able to give me that many holidays, which I know is unfair. That's the country we live in. Because of this, for the last year, we were on a tight budget that couldn't allow any more changes.
Besides these problems, there are many more things like family drama and other money problems. Because of the constant change, me and boyfriend are stressed and this got us in an argument. First being about my dress and then about the couple that couldn't understand our money problems. Me and bf resolved it, but he has some good points. The organization is as messy as their future marriage.
I apologize if I've made grammar mistakes, english is not my first language.

I read lots of suggestions about them and finally got a cool one thins year from rage nation, to see what the hype was bout. First, it’s a killer fashion accessory. When worn like a draped scarf around the neck, it looks dope.
But there is something far more powerful about it. It’s essentially a modern take of a Bedouin shemagh or keffiyeh, a multi-use garment preferred by desert dwellers.
Which is exactly why it should be considered a required for edc. Here’s my story.
I usually stuff a lightweight windbreaker in my backpack. But this year I got the Insomniac hydro pack (nice) but it’s smaller and didn’t fit my windbreaker. But the pashmina fit.
So, over the weekend here’s how it made my life way better.
Early arrival means baking in the sun waiting in line. And still once inside, the sun is beating down on cosmic meadow. My pashmina protected me from the sun. I draped it over my hat and shoulders, giving me perfect coverage.
4 am Monday morning the breeze kicks up and it feels kind of cool. I felt a little exposed and fragile and making the long walk to the Yellow lot with nothing to cover up would have been uncomfortable. Whip out the pashmina, and it’s night and day. It provides just enough coverage and warmth to feel comfortable. Noticing everyone else walking out clutching their arms with nothing to warm up made me feel sorry for them and impressed with myself.
Finally, Monday afternoon a mini sandstorm kicked up around the south side of the strip. Walking from the parking lot to the hotel would be no issue because the pashmina can be easily wrapped around the face to block the dust - just like how they’re used by real desert people.
Something about the material, too. It’s always perfect temperature. It’s cool in the heat and warm in the cold.
Anyway, I’m a total convert. And since EDC is in a legit desert, a pashmina should almost be considered required. I will never attend another edc without one.

Kadillac Kirk had been a good friend of mine for several years. I had met him through friends from The Spring Stage; and he never had anything to do with The Imp, which is why he didn’t appear in the Married Mary saga. Mary would have totally thrown herself at him, and Kirk would have definitely “thrown it in her.” He loved the ladies and often remarked that there was no such thing as an unappealing woman, nor was there anything sweeter than finding the pearl of passion in an outwardly plain dame. Fortunately for Kirk, he never met Mary. This was probably fortunate for Mary as well, seeing as Kirk was a confirmed bachelor and his rakish nature might have broken her fat heart.
Kirk was an older guy. Not MOE old, though. He was in his early forties, but he easily passed for a carefree dude in his 30s... not that he lied about his age. I only mention this trait to juxtapose Kirk’s genuine youthful air with Moe’s unconvincing youthful farce. Kirk dressed normally, avoided stupid jargon, and never busted out gimmicks like tarot cards or spells. He just existed, behaved affably, and people liked him for it.
He drove a classic 1962 Cadillac El Dorado convertible with red leather interior, and he lived in a charmingly quaint (and ridiculously expensive) neighborhood. How he made his fortune remained a mystery, but he never bloviated about his wealth. He just threw spectacular parties and people showed up. And, to my knowledge, he never tried to lure women into bed with his money (although I’m sure he got his fair share of boom-boom thanks to his digs and his wheels, even if the gold-diggers denied their monetary agendas).
Kirk was legitimately handsome. He was a drummer, he had a full head of black hair, he was clean-shaven, he worked out, and he knew all the hidden gems in Wellsprings. So why hadn’t I tried... or even desired to date him? I don’t know. I just didn’t feel drawn to him like that. He felt like a cool uncle and he had, thus far, never done anything to change my perception. Plus, the age difference weirded me out a little. Kirk didn’t look forty; but knowing that he had so much more life experience than I did created a power imbalance that would have creeped me out if we’d been dating. As buddies, I just felt supremely cool riding in his Cadillac, smoking Fantasia cigarettes, and hitting the speakeasies and jazz clubs I would have never known about if it weren’t for Kirk’s connections.
And he had been a good person to talk to about my romantic woes. He never lecherously suggested that I should date him, and he gave the type of tempered advice that only comes with lived experience. But he often lightly mocked me for my crush on Dennis and he did a hilarious impression of Smegal popping too soon over his “precious.” So when Mary “got me back” by doing whatever she did with to Dennis, I called Kadillac Kirk and told him the drinks were on me if he’d be my designated driver for the night.
Why hadn’t I called Whisky??? Well, A) Kirk was way more fun to hang out with, at least from my past experiences up to that point. And B) I needed to bitch about a boy, something I couldn’t do in good conscience in front of a guy I was dating. So I put on the sexiest plunging halter dress I owned, applied heavy eye makeup and spikey accessories, braved a pair of stilettos, and sashayed out to Kirk’s convertible. I felt like a badass rock star. I probably looked like a try-hard hooker.
Kirk: Daaaaay-um! Somebody really did do a number on you, huh? I know you said you were upset, but the gents are gonna be writing thank you notes to that fat girl and that butt-fucking hobbit.
Me: I just need to feel pretty and numb. And I trust you to keep me from making a fool of myself.
Kirk squeezed my shoulder. “I’ve got you. You do whatever you need to do to get rid of these demons.”
He sparked up a J and offered me the first puff. I gladly accepted. He took one puff of his own, but said that the rest was mine since he didn’t want to drive stoned. See? He was responsible! Weed wasn’t legal in California yet, so I got a little bit baked before I stashed the sativa in the glove box and wrapped a scarf around my hair like a starlet from the Golden Age of Hollywood. Kirk sped out of the parking lot and said he was taking me to a downtown hotel that was hosting a party that night in their lush lobby.
Kadillac Kirk pulled up to the main entrance, paid the valet, and then opened my door. I was wobbly from the weed. And I had stupidly decided to wear heels. You can get high or you can wear high (heels). You can’t have both. Not if you’ve repeatedly injured both ankles (as I have). I had to take Kirk’s arm to keep from keeling over. “Can people tell I’m stoned?” I whispered. Kirk replied, “Nobody’s paying any attention to anyone else’s intoxication. I promise you that much.” I nodded, steadied myself, and strutted alongside my very cool friend, feeling a little more confident.
A live jazz orchestra was playing Cole Porter as we entered the lobby. Everything sparkled. The music was even more intoxicating than the spliff had been. “Just One of Those Things” brought tears to my eyes since the lyrics hit every raw nerve regarding the Dennis debacle. But I smiled. It might sound mental, but being distraught over a trash fire of a one-sided romance was exhilarating. Immature, for sure. But also exhilarating. You see, that kind of sadness doesn’t hurt. Not really. It stings. It leaves little bruises, but it’s very safe to wallow in because you haven’t actually lost anything. Melancholia over that which you never had is as sweet as it is bitter; and that type of twisted splendor is rivaled only by Stendhal.
“Here's hoping we meet now and then. It was great fun, but it was just one of those things.” I sang along with the band, and a fat tear rolled down past my melancholic smile and onto my chin. Kirk brushed it aside. “Too close to home?” I wiped away the remnants of the tear’s journey from eye to chin and smiled a more genuine smile. “The perfect distance from home. Shall we get drinks? Remember, I’m buying.”
Kirk: No, no. This is your time to heal. And I’m here as your pal, not your chauffeur. What would the lady like?”
I pretended to barf. Kirk knew I hated it when he got overly formal and overly attentive. So he did it just to mess with me. “Shot of vodka,” I replied.
Kirk: How many?
I thought briefly. “FIVE.”
Kirk: Five to one, baby. One in five...
Me: No one here gets out alive.
Kirk: Are you able to hold yourself upright, or should you come with?
I took a seat on an ornate, damask-upholstered chaise lounge. “I’ll be okay. And I was kidding about the five shots.”
I sat there lost in the music for a while. I thought very little about Dennis. Even less about Mary. And not at all about Whisky (whom I had shagged less than a week ago). My mind danced through the ornate lighting in the hotel lobby, and I suddenly felt the need to join the hoity-toity guests on the dancefloor!
Kirk returned with four shots of vodka. Two for him, two for me. That was quite reasonable of him. He knew damn well that I couldn’t handle five shots, but he also knew that I was in a... state. One that called for more than a single shot. I raised a both miniature glasses to “No more ninnyhammers or hairy-footed lovers.” Kirk did his hilarious Smegal impression, we double-toasted, and downed the shots. The band launched into “Let’s Misbehave,” and I kicked off my stilettos and made a beeline for the dance floor.
“There’s something wild about you child that’s so contagious. Let’s be outrageous! Let’s misbehave.” Kadillac Kirk swept me up, twirled me around, and dipped me as we both sang along with the lyrics. I wasn’t swooning for him, but I was enthralled by the moment. The music, the dancing, the combination of booze and bud... so I kissed him as he pulled me back to my feet. And he kissed back. In a way that Dennis never had. In a way that Whisky’s beard wouldn’t permit. I didn’t feel the visceral sensations that I’d felt when Dennis had kissed me, but it felt nice to feel desired. And then I noticed that other guests were watching us and applauding. Now, that was a dopamine rush if ever there was one!
I gently broke away from the embrace, high-fived Kirk and returned to the chaise lounge to put my stupid shoes back on. He followed me and smashed his face back onto mine. I pulled away and laughed. “It was a moment,” I told him. “I appreciate the dance, and that kiss was the perfect finale. But it’s not happening again.”
Kirk: Not to worry, Valerie. I know you. I knew all along that we were performing, and I was more than happy to be your scene partner.
Me: And dance partner! Those were some excellent moves! I didn’t know you had ballroom training.
Kirk: You name it, I’ve mastered it. Another drink for the lady?
I pretended to barf again. “Not yet. I’m not sad right now. Do you mind if I just sit here and enjoy the music?”
Kirk: Ah. My kisses do have healing properties...
I flipped my hand up at him. “Knock that shit off, bro. I wanted to hang out with you because I trust you not to get weird. Even if I get weird, I know you have the maturity to balance me out.”
Kirk: Are you calling me old???
Me: No. I’m calling you rational, responsible, and respectful.
Kirk: Well, now. If you can articulate an alliterative statement that fluently, then you clearly aren’t drunk enough!
I dismissed this comment as a joke. And he did indeed knock off the flirtation. We had a perfectly pleasant time chatting and dancing (no more kissing, though). And then I noticed a girl I knew from Into the Woods entering the lobby. She’d played Florinda and I’d played Little Red. I called her name and waved enthusiastically. She waved back. And then her date entered. It was D.E.N.N.I.S. I sank into the chaise. Kirk caught on immediately. “The hobbit???” he asked. I nodded silently. “You wanna make out again?” he enthused. I shook my head. I had to go say hello to Flo. And I had an idea...
I crossed the lobby, smiled, squealed, and hugged her.
Florinda: Lil’ Red! It’s been forever! So glad to see you!!! This is my friend, Denny.
From the corner of my eye. I could see Dennis shifting uncomfortably. I refused to look directly at him, neglected to acknowledge Flo's introduction and continued to converse only with her. "So glad to see you, too! What have you been up to since we left the woods?"
Dennis: C’mon, Val...
Florinda (appearing oblivious to the iciness between me and Dennis): Oh, I had some drama after the show closed. I'll have to tell you about it some other time... Have you seen Prince Big Bad (Scumbanger) lately?
I laughed. “Last time I saw him, he was hitting on some nasty fat chick at The Imp.”
Flo and I both scoffed at the pervy pest. Into the Woods was where I’d initially met Scumbanger. He played The Wolf/Cinderella’s Prince. Again... typecasting. There’s a whole essay in my brain about my first encounter with the pest, during which he quoted the song that he sang to me in the show, “Hello, Little Girl.” But it gets into some pretty uncomfortable territory because he made me feel... excited. Well, excited and scared. Nothing of note happened during Into the Woods, but our odd interactions did kind of set the stage for some extremely regrettable events during that Cats cast party.
I excused myself, saying that I needed to get back to my friend. And then I leaned in and said in a hushed voice to Flo, “Watch your ass with that one. If he’s the Denny I’m thinking of...” I gave her a look that only another female would be able to read. Her eyebrows shot up and she nodded. Dennis continued to shift as though he were trying to hold in a massive dump. “BABE! Uh...”
Flo apparently answered to that moniker as well. “What is it, Denny? Don’t worry. That was just telepathic girl talk. You apparently have a reputation...”
Dennis: Different Denny. I assure you I’m a pious gentleman.
Me: Ah. My mistake. Well, then. You guys have a good time! They’re playing Cole Porter, and the band is delovely. Great to see you, Flo!
I hugged Flo again, gave Dennis a curt nod, ignored the scent of mandarins and mountain air, and returned to Kirk.
I collapsed on the chaise lounge, exhausted from holding back the rage. I had no right to be mad at Florinda. I hadn’t seen her in three years, so how was she supposed to know that I’d had a thing with Dennis? Hell, I couldn’t even be mad at Dennis because the last time he and I had spoken in any meaningful way, I’d told him that I was no longer entertaining my crush on him. So why was I surprised to see him dating??? And why had he never taken ME out on a date like this??? And why wasn’t I smitten with Kadillac Kirk who HAD taken me out on a date like this, was an objectively excellent kisser, and a bona fide BALLER? What was wrong with me???
Kirk suggested going down the street to a quaint little bar and then sobering up at a diner closer to my apartment. I numbly nodded and followed him in silence for a few blocks. He assured me that I had “turned several heads” on the way to the new location, but I neither cared nor believed him. This wasn't the type of numbness I'd been aiming for. Now I needed to get schnockered. “Five shots of vodka, please.” Yes, I was serious.
Kadillac Kirk, my reliable designated driver, ordered only a beer and watched in something across between astonishment, concern, and delight as I slammed all five shots in rapid succession. I half expected to immediately retch all over the bar. But I felt fine. I half expected to immediately lose consciousness and wake up in the hospital. But I remained coherent. How I’d managed to take in that much hard liquor and suffer no direct consequences, I’ll never know.
I think I wanted to suffer. I wanted to either feel nothing at all or to feel a sickness bad enough to distract me from the scorching sting that pulsed through my being when I realized that I had lost the abstract notion I’d been addicted to this entire time. Hope. It wasn’t Dennis himself I couldn’t quit. It was that drug called hope. The hope that maybe, just maybe Dennis would give our romance a fair chance. The hope that maybe, just maybe he would make peace with himself, get his mind out of his crotch, and enjoy some agenda-free togetherness. The hope that maybe, just maybe he would stop bloviating about his admittedly impressive accomplishments for five fucking minutes and ask about my life. I had my own reasonably impressive accomplishments, even if they paled in comparison to his. A proper suitor would have enjoyed hearing about them.
But seeing him out with another woman, a woman who had no reason to parade her Dennis escapades before me as some means of revenge, a woman he was clearly courting of his own volition... My hope had died. It died before I’d had time to wean myself off it. Now I had to mourn the loss of hope, which is a very tricky brand of grief to navigate. Vodka wasn’t the answer, but it was what I had to work with. So it would have to do.
After enough time had passed without vomiting or collapsing, I asked Kirk to bring his car around to the bar so that I didn’t have to walk two and a half blocks drunk and in heels. He nodded and dramatically leaned in for a kiss. I recoiled. “DUDE! I told you. The moment has passed.”
Kirk: I beg your pardon. I misread your eyes. Thought I saw a green light...
Me: It’s fine. I just want to go home while I’m still feeling okay.
Kirk: Of course. Your chariot will be here soon.
He skipped off to fetch his Cadillac and I noticed that the lights in the bar were beginning to dance a bit. This should have been concerning. But then I realized that I was giggling. Wait... What? Oh shit. Sure, I was drunk from those shots. But what I was feeling in that moment wasn’t drunkery. It was stonery. Kirk probably misread my face because my pupils were dilated. Not from desire, but from drug use.
Some of you might be thinking that I was a bad friend for not introducing Lucy, an old dude connoisseur, to Kirk. Well... I did. Several years before the events of this story. He adored her. She, on the other hand, thought he was immature. And she wasn’t wrong. Lucy was astute when it came to sussing out a person’s true nature. Far more astute than I. Her initial assessment that Kirk was immature is about to be vindicated. Stretch those cringe muscles! It’s almost time for pie...
I somehow managed to get to his car. I honestly don’t recall how I got there. Did one of the bartenders carry me? Did some kind patron allow me to lean on him? Had Kadillac Kirk carried me out? I’m not sure. But my memory ceases to be fuzzy about halfway to the 24-hour diner. It might have been the very same 24-hour diner where Mary pulled her... shenanigans. I’ll never know.
Kirk: Would you say that you’re more drunk or more stoned?
Me: STONED. Definitely stoned.
Kirk made some sort of grunty noise and reached for my thigh. I slapped his hand.
Kirk: Stoned but not amorous? That’s rare.
I started laughing rather unkindly. “You’re a fucking horndog! I thought you were my safe straight male friend, dammit.”
Kirk: I solemnly swear that your safety is my primary concern, my stoned beauty.
I pretended to throw up.
Kirk: So... You’re not horny. But are you hungry? The diner I’m heading to makes this Maple Walnut Pie with the most sumptuous... sensual cream and exquisite drizzling of...
Me: Ew! Stop trying to bang the pie. Bro. Are YOU stoned? (Then I remembered the question.) Yes, I’m hungry. But I don’t like nuts. I’ll have banana cream.
Kirk made that repulsive grunty noise again. “Uhhhhh... Mmmmmm. Cream. Yessssss. Yes, we’ll be there in just a minute.” He was squirming in the driver's seat.
Me: GROSS, DUDE! If you’re gonna be like that I’ll just order HASH brows. Get it? Hash??? (I giggled.) You can’t make that sound nasty.
Kirk: Forgive my jokes. I think my blood sugar’s a bit low.
As Kirk parked, I began to wonder how I might get away with walking shoeless into the diner. The stilettos had to get off my feet. At least while I was walking. And Kirk was kind enough to give me his socks and wear his loafers “island style” into the establishment. Okay, that was gallant of him. Maybe he was going to behave himself for the rest of the evening.
I wasn’t terribly talkative as we sat down, and he expressed a bit of concern for my emotional well-being. I wasn’t coherent enough to explain what was happening to my emotions and I wasn’t sure I trusted him with my deep, dark secrets at that point. So I shrugged like a sulky teenager, ran my hands over my messy, windblown hair, and mumbled that I was “just hungry.” And right on cue, a very kind, slightly older waitress with a sweet southern accent stopped by to take our order.
Kirk: Ah, yes. We’ll have two cups of black coffee. And we’ll share a slice of that delectable Maple Walnut Pie.
Waitress: Oh, honey. That pie is scrumptious! I take it you’ve been here before?
Kirk: I have. This will be her first time to taste the splendor.
I hated to be a killjoy, but I interrupted and said to the waitress, “Ma’am? I’m sure the Maple Walnut is excellent, but could I please get a slice of Banana Cream? And a big glass of ice water?
Waitress: Sure, hon! Banana Cream’s just as yummy! I’ll be right back with those coffees and that big water.
Kirk was sucking on the tip of his forefinger and shaking his head a bit. “You’re passing up so many sensational... sensual...”
I put my forehead on the table and growled. “You swore you’d stop being nasty!” I held this #headdesk pose for quite some time before I finally lifted my head... only to see that Kirk was still sucking his fingertip and staring at me like a wild animal. “Pleeeeeease be normal,” I whined. “It’s been a really weird night for me.”
Kirk: Indeed. Many surprises. You know... You’re like titanium. Your flame burns so fast and so bright, if a guy doesn’t get in there while the iron is hot, he’ll never get another chance. I was too slow.
What the...? I was pretty sure he was wrong about titanium burning quickly. I’m no chemistry wiz, but my dad and my oldest brother are both big-brains when it comes to physics and chemistry. So I picked up some things just listening to them talk. Accurate or inaccurate, Kirk was being creepy again. He’d never been creepy towards me before, although I’d seen him act like this with other women. Usually with staggering success. Why????? His money. It had to be his money. Kirk was a nice-looking man, but holy shit... No amount of good looks could save this creep show
And then, our sweet waitress sat down our coffees, my water, and the two slices of pie. After I gulped down a whole bunch of water, I grabbed a fork, prepared to quell my munchies... and then I froze. Kirk was quickly flicking his finger back and forth across the top of his pie. And moaning. He noticed my wide-eyed stare, smirked, sucked the tip of his thumb, picked up the plate with both hands, and began flicking his tongue across the tip of the triangular pie slice. And moaning some more. Well, there went my appetite.
Kirk took his middle finger and jabbed it into the crustless vertex of the pie slice, then he began pumping it in and out like a piston, and flicking his thumb across the increasingly demolished top layer of whipped cream. He gasped this time. People were starting to stare. His pointer finger joined his middle finger in the piston action, and he replaced his thumb with his tongue. Between flicks of the tongue, he groaned, “Oh yeah, baby... Let me taste you,” but it was kind of hard to understand him.
And I was either about to run to the back office, tell them that I was in danger and needed a police escort home... OR I was about to burst out laughing at the spectacle. Kirk continued... He removed his fingers and gregariously licked pie filling off of them. "Ohhhhh," he groaned, "I got you soooo sticky. So sweet. So moist." And then he started sucking his fingertips again, switching from middle to pointer, middle to pointer and emitting a delighted little, “Mmmmmm” with every suck.
Finally, he jabbed his fingers back into the utterly destroyed pie, lowered his face into the mess and lapped loudly and passionately, moaning, grunting, and mumbling “Come on, baby. Come on. Mmmmmm. Come on.” I could see the waitress and some dude in a suit heading over to the table, so I sank down in my seat, partially covered my face, but continued to watch the train wreck. At last, Kirk shuddered violently as he splatted his entire hand onto the plate and rubbed furiously. And then he locked eyes with me. He sucked the tip of his thumb one final time and said, “You...” There was a long pause during which Kirk lovingly stroked the mess he’d made. “You... are the pie.”
I don’t hang out with Kadillac Kirk anymore. But he’s still a bachelor, ladies!

For context we have a 5 month old male lab, I currently don't work and partner works full time but can take pup with him . Currently we dog share where some days I'll look after pup, other days he goes to work with my partner. For practice because I'm starting new job in August. In general he's doing really well, we're happy with his training and temperament (although dreading adolescence). My issue is that my puppy won't settle by himself, which I know is normal for ones his age, but it's only with me. He will settle by himself when he's at work with my partner, at home with my partner and he settled at home when we left him with our friend for the day. Getting a bit of a complex that it is me somehow causing it but I'm not sure if and how I'm training this/encouraging it! His schedule with me is:
7:00- 7:30 am Wake up, outside for wee, food in a knotted tea towel
7:30 - 8:00 am chills with me and partner til he leaves for work
At this point if he goes with my partner to work where he has a crate. He goes out at 10:30 for half an hour and sometimes plays with other dogs in the garden and comes home for lunch 12-1, then back in office til 5. Spends the rest of the day either playing by himself or with my partner or chewing on something (sanctioned chew toys only) then he will just take himself to his crate for a sleep whenever, never seems to get overtired and is good as gold the whole day. My partner will leave him sporadically from 5mins to an hour for meetings etc
8:00-8:30/9am I'll play with him for 10 mins max nothing too strenuous because he's still digesting and I stop when he starts getting a bit rambunctious / over excited, then give him something to chew to calm him down a bit and do some job life admin etc. During this time pup becomes naughtier and naughtier, jumping on sofa, counter surfing, stealing shoes to the point where I know he's overtired. I put him in the crate where he passes out almost immediately for like 1-2 hours
10/10:30 am he wakes up and I take him for a walk, loose lead for 5 mins and then 20 mins of off lead sniffing etc. Halfway into the walk I'll sit down and do some down stays, and throughout the walk we do sporadic recalls and 'find its' to get his nose working. Then it's a 5 min loose lead walk home. I know he's tired and it's been hot so I give him a frozen carrot to chill inside and then he just starts get naughty again. I think, well he's only been up for 40 mins at this point but don't want to overstimulate. Some days I leave him by himself in the morning some days in the afternoon so he's used to it. If I leave him at this point in his ex pen I give him a long lasting king/licki matt and he will fall asleep v quickly, if I don't, he ramps up the naughtiness again and I pop him back in crate and he's straight to napping.
12/12:30 pm He wakes up, partner is home for lunch so we eat and chill with dog, he's being fine
1pm Lunch where I do training with his food, atm it's place training and we're doing the relaxation protocol on the matt (the Karen one) and then some other training like heel, sit, touch, recall etc never shows signs of frustration or confusion so I don't think it's too challenging. Maximum takes 10 mins
1:15- 2pm Let him digest his food for a bit, has a few toys but again don't wanna do too much but he starts getting naughty again, all the usual but now with humping me and jumping up and nipping at my clothes. I try being a statue and covering my face but it hurts when his claws get me and he's ruining my clothes. Crate him again and he's out like a light or I give him licki matt/Kong if I'm leaving him in the afternoon.
3/4pm He wakes up so either had 1-2 hours sleep, btw i always make sure he's properly awake (dog cam) and give him some time by himself to make sure he doesn't just need a longer sleep. I'll usually give him a chew because he's teething hard, I'll play with him for a bit (max 10 mins) and do some loose training where I just kind of reward him for chilling or not jumping on sofa (because he gets a look in his eyes where I know he wants to). I try and leave him to it while I do other stuff but he ramps up again to the point of overtiredness and so he goes back into crate, and again he is out.
5pm - 7:30 partner home, wait for pup to wake up then walk with same structure as my morning one, chill, food at 7 sometimes with training but if he seems tired or done we just give it as a licki bowl. Then he's usually out til 9:30, where he wakes up, we chill for an hour and he sits there chewing on a pig ear and then final wee before bed and sleeps through the night.
If I'm doing something wrong please can you tell me what it is / how to rectify. If you haven't got any advice can I please just have some reassurance that it will improve as he leaves puppy hood, even if it's past adolescence idm I just can't cope with the idea that I can never have a dog I can just chill with. It gets really frustrating and I am getting some resentment towards him. I know it's not his fault but I can't help but feel so upset when I try and just relax with him and I end up with scratches all over my legs and holes in my clothes. I know I'm lucky that this is my only bug bearer because it's normal not to be able to settle but I need to know if I'm doing something wrong / causing it somehow.

Me 24/F and my Bf 24/M have been together for more than 2 years now. He’s the love of my life. I had a boyfriend before him(6months). I thought my ex was my everything only to realise he used and threw me away. My bf then came into my life and lifted me up. He got me out through the mess and made me a sane person. He fixed everything he never broke. If not for him, I would just be sad and depressed and lonely. I’m from a disturbed family with my parents fighting all the time. There’s no happiness at home. He’s my saviour. I turn to him and he helps me get through it every time. He’s my only friend who’s with me through all shit. He’s made me the happiest girl ever. He’ll do anything to see me smile. He’s a North Indian, engineer . I’m a South Indian,doctor. Although my parents have differences between themselves, they try their best to give me evrything I want. I’m sure my parents will agree for our marriage. His parents on the other hand, are too conservative. They lost their first son(suicide). He’s the second and only son they have. So they want him to listen to them and fulfil all their wishes, including the girl he should marry. They aren’t ready to accept me. His parents told him not to give any hopes to the girl he’s dating (that’s me). And in the end, he should tie the knot to the girl they choose. My BF tells that he loves me and cannot live without me. But when he goes back home to meet his parents, his mom pulls out the emotional card and blackmails him. She keeps talking about how the society and relatives have looked down on them and will become worse if he marries me. He loses his peace over this and decides to end things with me. But it never happens. I cannot live without him. He can’t do it too. When he’s with me, he promises to never leave my side no matter what. But the second he goes back home (twice a year), his mind changes. He gets manipulated and worries about his mom. He can’t see his mom sad neither me sad. Sometimes I think he never fights for me enough. I’ve seen my other friends who tell me, if a man wants you, he’ll do anything to get you. I’m never asking him to choose between his family and me. But can’t he for once stand strong on his decision and tell them about me and convince them. I have also tried to convince him telling I’ll go talk to his parents and change their mind. He’s never ready to really speak about me, cause it will break their heart and he’s too scared of his parents. (He tells he can’t hurt them, that’s not how they raised him). Idk what to do, I’ve decided he’s the man I love. It’s either him or nobody. Nothing in my life makes me more happy than him. He’s given me the most beautiful love story. But the thought that he’ll abandon me one day and marry another girl is killing me everyday. I overthink. I feel helpless. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t function. And even if one day I move on and marry a nice guy, I’m scared I cannot give him all my love. I’ll always remember my bf as the man I love.
I feel very anxious, help me out guys. What’s the right thing to do. I haven’t slept for 3 days now and my heads blasting.
[tl;dr] my(24/F) boyfriend (24/M) of 2 years cannot marry me as his parents are emotionally blackmailing him. He’s stuck. And so am I. But we need each other. Need advice. Please help me out.

So, in May 2023, my friend (Em f23) and I (f28) had a conversation that started off friendly. Just chit-chat and funny anecdotes from the day. She brought up a situation with her coworker she enjoyed. It involved tourettes and one of her coworkers' specific tics.
I made a comment that I genuinely didn't think much of at the time. It was just some trivia I knew of and thought was interesting. Specifically that people with tourettes can 'catch' or involuntarily copy tics from other people with tourettes. It's something I learned from watching content made by people with tourettes. She made a comment like, "Maybe it's not like that, in this specific situation with my coworker."
Here's where I should have realised she was not interested in my trivia. What I definitely didn't realise was that it in fact made her mad, but I kept pushing anyways because I felt I was correct, that the coworker had picked up the tic from a well know streamer because it was literally identical. Em then stopped answering, after a couple hours of silence I asked her if she was actually mad about what I said and she responded with "Its fucking fine." Cue her not talking to me at all for 3 days. On the third day, she said we needed to have a sit-down conversation about boundaries because she "is having big feelings." her words, not mine.
I was so confused about what would have triggered her wanting to talk about boundaries when the conversation we had was a mild disagreement at worst. I would understand if I said something offensive, but I literally just said a fact and my opinion on her coworker, I didn't try to force her to agree, and there's proof of the streamer with that specific tic so it wasn't like I was lying to be able to one up her or something? I don't know, this whole part of the situation is incredibly confusing to me because she never talked about why that conversation triggered her to give me the silent treatment in the first place or how it led her to wanting to talk about boundaries. In the end, the boundaries she talked about much much later had nothing to do with this conversation even though it seemed to be what caused her to want boundaries. Idk, I'm still very confused about what actually caused her to want to have the discussion after the three days of silence and a minor disagreement.
At this point, still May 2023, I was in severe pain, but I did not know it was cancer yet. I was barely making it through each day with how much I was in pain. The tumor is in my leg, growing out of the top portion of my tibia in a way that has made the tibial platue hollow, or essentially a whisper thin shell of bone filled with slime, sorry but that's the best way to describe it. At any moment, my surgeon told me this later, I could have broken that thin bone and had a collapsed knee joint. I say this so you you know when I talk about pain here, I'm talking excruciating levels of pain.
So walking specifically and everything else was extremely painful, and that was taking a lot of energy and brain space. I told her I was in a ton of pain. I was exhausted and barely scraping by just to keep working while waiting for my doctors visits to hopefully figure out what was wrong. I said I would try to find a day to have "the talk," but things just kept getting worse. By the end of July I had seen four different doctors, three of which thought I was just trying to get drugs, the last one was an orthopedic doctor and she took two minutes of looking at an xray and another minute of looking at my leg to say I most likely had a tumor.
The official on paper diagnosis came in September because of the waiting time to meet with the surgeon, but we knew it was a tumor in August. I was put on essentially bed rest from august to the day I had surgery September 27th. I told Em about the tumor the day I got the MRI results which I had in mid August to prepare for the appointment with the surgeon. Her response was extremely upsetting to me.
Em: "That's a lot to deal with. The possibility of having a malignant tumor is scary and can make you really question life. When you're put into a situation like that, it forces you to look back on your life and reevaluate. You find out what you really want out of life and what you waisted too much time dealing with. That's really tough. I'm sorry I made you feel like you couldn't talk to me about your pain. Being more supportive of each other was something I wanted to talk about. Hopefully, you have a sweet and easy recovery."
That response hurt, it felt like she was saying I had a lot to regret in life and like I didn't have much time left to live to fix my regrets. But I thanked her for the empathy she tried to give and moved on. After that she never checked in on me, never asked how I was or what the plan of treatment was. My surgery was scheduled for the end of Spetember, the day after her birthday. I wished her a happy birthday. Then I let her know after the surgery that everything went well and that I was going to be in the hopsital for a few days. I was loopy on strong pain meds so i also told her that my nurse drew me a cute doodle on my white board, she said ".That's great! Hopefully you heal fast so you can go on a date with her. 😉" which was totally out of the blue. I havent dated anyone in the time Ive know or been friends with Em. Im asexual, and an extreme introvert, dating is not really my thing and she knows this. So that comment was very weird to me. After that she never even texted to check in on me or tried to visit me in the 5 days I stayed in the hospital after the surgery. Keep in mind, we are supposedly best friends.
I almost considered our friendship over by then, but I reached out to her when I was pretty much back on my feet to see what was going on and asked her what the conversation about boundaries was about. I apologized for being too chicken shit to ask about it earlier because I don't do well emotionally with getting criticism even when it's valid and I know I need to hear it. On top of that I was (and still am) dealing with fucking cancer. Not an excuse, it is an explanation though. So I apologized.
Her responses here, copy and pasted from our messages:
Em:
"First off I want so say that it's very respectable that you are willing to admit what you did wrong. Thank you for the apology.
Secondly, I don't know if the the conversation is still worth having. I'd be lying if I said I was devastated that we dropped off and didn't communicate for months. To be brutally honest, my life has drastically improved in our time apart. I'm so much more effective and positive. I'm very proud of how far I've come.
That's not to say I believed that you were the soul cause of all of my misfortune. In fact one of the boundaries I wanted to set was actual planned dates instead of spontaneous ones. Because I realized that I was using you like a form of procrastination. I couldn't do the things I needed to do because I chose to hang out with you instead. With my main distraction gone I've been able to thoroughly work through my shit, mental and physical.
When we last hung out I remembered feeling dark and heavy afterwards because it was nothing special. It was just a normal outing for us. I remember feeling angry that what we should have talked about wasn't addressed. Annoyed that it seemed like nothing had changed and that I had not changed. And scared that opening up communication could lead to me falling back into the pit again.
I don't know if we should have the original talk because so much has changed for both of us. We both equally walked over our own thresholds of hell. What I had to say months ago, I believe was true then, but I don't think it will be true now. I think it's quite possible for us to start anew and correct and develop as we go. But I think it would be just as easy to admit our friendship was a great experience. We were there when we needed each other. But it might be time to go our separate ways.
I will say, if we collectively choose to merge back together. I WON'T let it be the same. I don't want you to tell me every tiny dark secret. But I do want you to tell me that you want to stop at game stop and ask me to take you somewhere. Without fear of gas. I want you to tell me if it pisses you off that I take you to only crystal shops or that I talk about spiritually. Because I want to improve. I have no intention of continuing a relationship that doesn't inspire growth or bring me positivity."
So she stopped talking to me, because she had no self-control. She abandoned me during the worst medical crisis of my fucking life, because she doesn't know how to manage her time or her motivation. She punished me, for her problems. To be very specific the spontaneous hanging out was nearly 100% on her. I would ask to hang out rarely, because I never had the chance to because she would be asking to see me multiple times a week.
I'm not a social person, so other than work I don't have much going on and she was my best friend. I wasn't going to say no if I didn't have any other plans. She never brought up that she was procrastinating anything by hanging out with me. Never a peep. Never a hint. Nothing. I had no idea any of that was going on. If I did know I would have been 150,000% there to support her by asking how her goals were going, how her chores were going. Hell I would have helped her do chores as our hang out if she had asked. I did help her with some stuff. Painting her head board, rearranging and cleaning her room, working on crafts when she needed motivation to finish a piece for a friend, being a study buddy when she needed to focus on her mental health books, things like that.
Also in what world is learning to be accountable for your own actions and vacuuming regularly the same as going through cancer? I don't like comparing pain or life struggles usually, but this was a crossed line for me. For her to say her dealing with procrastination was an "equal threshold of hell" as my bone eating tumor and excruciating pain and the fear of it spreading to other parts of my body, it infuriates me still to think about that.
So I am now hurt and angry as hell, that she stopped talking to me over seemingly nothing that I did. I had no idea what was going on with the tourettes coworker conversation that ended in "its fucking fine" from her and then her next message was about her needing to set boundaries. And then she says her life is better without me in it.
Friendship effectively over. Or it should have been.
Here's where I'm a bit of an asshole.
I took her back. I said we could try again. That we both needed to improve but that we could do it better this time. At the time I genuinely believed it. For a couple weeks.
Then the more I thought about laying in that hospital bed, alone, wishing I had someone to distract me from the pain and fear, the more I started to realise her reasons for cutting contact was bullshit. Her wanting to have this big talk about boundaries and the boundaries she wanted were literally nothing I could do they were all her issues with her own decisions and there's was nothing I could change about myself to fix the problem she was putting 50/50 on my shoulders. Her saying her life was better without me when that whole time I was crying over missing her and trying to figure out what I did wrong where I fucked up, what I could do or say to fix it. It all just added up too much and so I sent her one last message.
"I've been doing a lot of thinking and going through my emotions and I think I'm going to step back from whatever this friendship has turned into. I'll be honest I feel betrayed that you didn't even try to support me going through cancer. I understand things were rocky when I got my diagnosis, however if our friendship was important to you on any level I can't understand why you didn't even text me to see how I was doing for months at a time when you knew I was going through one of, if not the most, difficult medical diagnosis humans can get. I felt completely abandoned, especially since the reason we even stopped talking and hanging out was because of your own procrastination issues which I had nothing to do with. If you had even just told me that you needed to get things done before we could hang out I would have supported you unconditionally. Instead you gave a vague "we need to talk about boundaries and being more supportive of each other." And then never supported me in the darkest time of my life so far. It's taken me a while to get to the root of why I feel the way I do, but I don't think I can just let this go like I wanted to. I loved being your friend and it always felt like you valued my friendship too, until you were cutting me off because of your poor time management. I know that will sound harsh, I'm sorry, but it's true. I have my own issues that hurt you, I know that and I really am sorry. I am sorry I could never reciprocate financially, I'm sorry you were the one always picking me up and driving. I'm sorry that I never gave you the birthday or Christmas gifts you wanted. Thank you for all the amazing times. Goodbye."
To clarify the gift thing, I have been very poor for a long time. I am neurodivergent and I struggle to hold down a job. But I hand made her gifts, or cooked for her. The last thing I made for her was a crochet mandala blanket, please look up Radiance Mandala Blanket to see how much effort I went to, she picked the colors and I made her a lap blanket version for christmas 2022. It took her less than a month to complain that she wished she could have picked the colors. SHE DID. I told her to pick a pallet of colors specifically for her blanket and did my best to match the colors she picked with yarn I already owned. It wasn't perfect but I got it as close as I could. I don't like to make a big deal out of things I do for people because giving to the ones I love is literally the easiest thing in the world for me. But to have her act like I didnt try to make it as perfect for her as I could hurt so much.
Anyways, back to me telling her I was done. Her reply back pissed me off, maybe because I was already angry. It felt so patronizing and dismissive. But that might just be because of all the emotions I was already feeling at the time I read it.
Em: "Your feelings are valid. I'm sorry I made you feel abandoned in the hardest time. I wish you the best of luck on your way through life. Fall in love, have your farm, raise your kids, craft wonderful creations, enjoy the many YouTube videos to come, and don't forget to live your best self. I'll take this harsh lesson and apply it to friendships in the future. Live long and prosper, my friend, and have many pleasant wanderings."
Harsh lesson my ass. If it was harsh for anyone it was harsh for me to learn my best friend gave absolutely no shits about me and couldnt be bothered to try and support me through this medical crisis. We haven't spoken since. I have her blocked on everything. So, aita for cutting off Em? Even though I'm angry, I'm conflicted because I still love her, she was my best friend for 6 years.

Me (24/F) and my Bf (24/M) have been together for more than 2 years now. He’s the love of my life. I had a boyfriend before him(6months). I thought my ex was my everything only to realise he used and threw me away. My bf then came into my life and lifted me up. He got me out through the mess and made me a sane person. He fixed everything he never broke. If not for him, I would just be sad and depressed and lonely. I’m from a disturbed family with my parents fighting all the time. There’s no happiness at home. He’s my saviour. I turn to him and he helps me get through it every time. He’s my only friend who’s with me through all shit. He’s made me the happiest girl ever. He’ll do anything to see me smile.
He’s a North Indian, engineer . I’m a South Indian,doctor. Although my parents have differences between themselves, they try their best to give me evrything I want. I’m sure my parents will agree for our marriage. His parents on the other hand, are too conservative. They lost their first son(suicide). He’s the second and only son they have. So they want him to listen to them and fulfil all their wishes, including the girl he should marry. They aren’t ready to accept me. His parents told him not to give any hopes to the girl he’s dating (that’s me). And in the end, he should tie the knot to the girl they choose.
My BF tells that he loves me and cannot live without me. But when he goes back home to meet his parents, his mom pulls out the emotional card and blackmails him. She keeps talking about how the society and relatives have looked down on them and will become worse if he marries me. He loses his peace over this and decides to end things with me.
But it never happens. I cannot live without him. He can’t do it too. When he’s with me, he promises to never leave my side no matter what. But the second he goes back home (twice a year), his mind changes. He gets manipulated and worries about his mom. He can’t see his mom sad neither me sad.
Sometimes I think he never fights for me enough. I’ve seen my other friends who tell me, if a man wants you, he’ll do anything to get you. I’m never asking him to choose between his family and me. But can’t he for once stand strong on his decision and tell them about me and convince them. I have also tried to convince him telling I’ll go talk to his parents and change their mind. He’s never ready to really speak about me, cause it will break their heart and he’s too scared of his parents. (He tells he can’t hurt them, that’s not how they raised him).
Idk what to do, I’ve decided he’s the man I love. It’s either him or nobody. Nothing in my life makes me more happy than him. He’s given me the most beautiful love story. But the thought that he’ll abandon me one day and marry another girl is killing me everyday. I overthink. I feel helpless. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t function. And even if one day I move on and marry a nice guy, I’m scared I cannot give him all my love. I’ll always remember my bf as the man I love.
I feel very anxious, help me out guys. What’s the right thing to do. I haven’t slept for 3 days now and my heads blasting.
[tl;dr]- my(24/F) boyfriend (24/M) of 2 years cannot marry me as his parents are emotionally blackmailing him. He’s stuck. And so am I. But we need each other. I need advice. Please help me out.

Hi! So normally I can tell the difference with context clues but with this stray we're fostering I don't have many. When we got her in she wasn't even 5 pounds, extremely sickly, but very friendly. We've been taking care of her, found her a good adopter that was personally know who will be taking her in late summer. We've had her for about a month now, last time we took her to the vet to get checked out for fur loss (determined to be caused by calicivirus and dead fleas) she was officially 6.01 pounds! I assumed she had a leg injury as she tends to hiss and get upset if she's held a certain way but it didn't seem to bother her enough to warrant an x-ray (didn't wanna get one unnecessarily bc they're expensive and we know her soon to be owner will gladly pick up and take care of what we can't.)
I send her future owner updates at least once a week and sometimes once a day to keep her in the loop. I joked recently about how much the cat bloats after eating. I just got back from a trip and I noticed she was rounder than when I left and the person who was taking care of her noted so too, assuming she was just eating too much. When I picked her up today in the way I normally do, she hissed a lot and swatted at me when I put pressure on her belly area. (She wasn't upset she was telling me she didn't like that and immediately calmed down once she was set down :) No struggle during holding just upon picking up. She's a good cat I don't want to make her sound mean. :( )
It just occurred to me that there a chance she might be pregnant as she's not spayed (something the future owner will have done as spays are often around $500 with our vet, closer to $1k if it's a spay abort) and it is around the time she would be starting to show. I assumed with the state she was in when we got her that her body would've terminated any pregnancy to try to heal herself but saying that aloud I realize how silly that sounds.
I can try to get an above picture of her tomorrow as we're settled in bed and I don't want to bother her but here is a side by side of the day we got her in and shortly after her most recent vet appointment. Keep in mind the second photo is literally RIGHT after she ate.
Granted she is eating a lot and I'm pulling back on how much she's eating now that I'm back to managing her food (wanted to keep it simple for her temporary care taker). She was being given two full cans of wet food and roughly 1 and a half measuring cups of dry food, she doesnt eat all of it, we just provided options. I'm bringing her down to half a can of wet food and 1/2 a measuring cup of dry food. Before the change is implemented she would sometimes barely touch the wet food to SCARFING down both cans, most of the time she slowly eats through the hard food over a week and a half, eating far less than 1/4th cup in a day. But some days she eats the dry food instead of the wet food. So there's definitely opportunity for her to be getting fat. (Want to clarify that much food we were given the okay to give to her by our vet to get her weight up and help heal her tongue ulcers as we used to have to make her soft food into a slurry but she was still determined to eat the hard food sometimes. We give all our other cats 1/4th cup of dry food and a little wet food for some liquid in their diet. :) )
I plan to call and schedule a vet appointment for next week (so it's after we get paid) for an x-ray for her legs anyway, but I'm asking here for any tips or insight or things we should be looking out for! Advice is appreciated thank you!!
(If it helps, all of our other cats are fixed and she's kept separated from them bc of her calicivirus. We got her April 20th which is when the first photo was taken. She had a large upper respiratory infection, severely ulcerated tongue, severely underweight, and general pain but that all has been treated with exception of calicivirus as it's been explained to me that it's a chronic condition and not exactly can be cured. But we are managing it! We have handled other fosters including a pregnant one, we were in an okay financial situation when we took this one in and right now it's a little rocky but will be okay now we're budgeting better we just need to wait for more paydays for things to even out. No matter what she will get the care she needs and she will be taken to the vet, I'm just looking for input until we can get her to her vet appointment without completely breaking the bank :) )
Third and fourth photos are to show her face when we first got her (she was a cuddle bug and did not want to be alone) and most recently! :) as you can see she's doing well health wise!!!
So what should I watch out for to see if she may be pregnant or just fat??? Both there's equal chance of in my eyes, we don't know her backstory other than she's less than a year old and was outside until someone caught her and brought her to us, even then they hadn't seen her before so they don't have any history either on her.
I can try to answer questions! Sorry if this is too much detail, I care about her a lot and want to give information that may help in figuring things out about her!!!

My wife's been in perimenopause for at least a year and a half, or so it would seem from her symptoms. She has PMDD and this has made it significantly worse.
She hates me. Not, like...mood swings. Genuine contempt and loathing. And I'm hearing the reasons she's giving me, but it seems like everything I do is suddenly tinged with her belief that I'm out to get her, want her to fail, think she's stupid, etc. My yearslong gender identity introspection and gender presentation disgust her; she's no longer attracted to me, even though funnily enough I ended up right back where I started identifying in the first place. I'm constantly doing things I "must have known" would upset her and am therefore upsetting her on purpose.
Look, I'm so far from perfect it's not even visible from where I'm standing. I have many flaws. However, among them are not "actively conspiring for my wife to have a horrible life."
I've been in menopause temporarily myself (Lupron was fun...said no one ever) and I remember the sheer misery of hating everyone and everything and feeling like I had no control over myself. I know this isn't her fault.
She has bpd and borderline on top of this, and has had to cut way back on her mood stabilizer recently to what anyone would consider a subclinical dose. That's not helping. She's neurodiverse, and has psoriatic arthritis that seems to be in constant flare for the last six months or so. Her anxiety and depression are through the roof.
But I cry constantly. My SI has skyrocketed. I'm losing the person I chose to spend the rest of my life with, the person I WANT to spend the rest of my life with, the person who says she wants that too at least one week out of the month.
I'm desperate to try anything that might work - or at least suggest them to her so she can try them, I guess. So I'm trying to get information from actual people as, in a shocking twist, her doctors are absolutely useless. Go figure.

• HRT is something she's presently unwilling to do because it increases cancer risk. She's Jewish and therefore at a slightly elevated breast cancer risk (though she's BRCA negative, I think her odds are 15% compared to the usual 12% according to the genetic testing? Maybe a higher number, in the teens though, I'm fairly sure.) If you've decided to do HRT despite increased cancer risk, or decided against it for that reason, I would love it if you would share your thoughts on the subject.
• She's tried HBC many times in life. The results have always been awful. If you've had success with a particular brand though, let me know. It's worth asking if she's tried that one before. So far it's been suggested to me to try LoLoestrin and Slynd. If you've had experience with those I'm very interested to hear about it.
• She has bad reactions to many herbal/natural products, but I can't remember what offhand. I just remember fish oil sent her into a depression spiral. She also has kidney damage from lithium. So I'm still interested in hearing about these, I'm just not sure which would be useful or safe. Obviously not taking anything without professional input from a doctor.
• She's iron deficient but also has severe ibs-c. If you know an iron supplement that won't make that worse, I'd love to hear about it. SlowFE worked great for her at one point but I think they stopped making it? Flintstones vitamins were a no-go, which is a shame as they worked for me. I did suggest blackstrap molasses capsules and acv capsules, which is what I took when I was hemorrhaging bimonthly with a giant fibroid, but to be honest I have no idea if it helped at all.
• Her doctor will not test hormone levels because she believes those tests are pointless. I would love to know your experiences with doctors regarding hormonal testing and whether or not it was helpful. I've been trying to convince her to get a second opinion with my own GYN but it's hard when she's so drained from symptoms she can barely get out of bed.
• Her psychiatrist isn't interested in getting her on a different mood stabilizer. She tried others when she was first diagnosed bipolar and the only one that worked was lithium. However, she's on a subtherapeutic dose and I really don't feel that's doing much. Did any brain-altering medications help you? (Note: western medicine only, weed and shrooms are not an option.)
• She's phobic about acupuncture so that's a no-go but have any other alternative therapies helped you?

And this question is for me. For those of you who felt like you hated your spouses, were sick of them, wanted them gone...were you able to get past it? Did you love them again? Asking for a friend. I'm crying as I type this. She's my main priority in life, we've been together thirteen years. And no matter how much she seems to not love or want me, I don't know how to stop loving her. My stomach is always in knots, I can't sleep, I cry constantly. I want the love of my life back.

Hey guys! I (24F) am looking for a dark brown or black wig that has bangs. I used to have butt-length hair till I suddenly developed trich a few months ago and started twisting my hair into knots and pulling it out, after which I’ve unfortunately ended up with pixie length hair + a few bald spots.
I’m getting married in 3 weeks and need a realistic looking dark brown or black wig, of short or medium length ideally, that’s just put-on-and-go since i have no idea how to use glue/concealer and generally struggle with tasks due to depression. My budget is <$300, but i’m okay with going up to $500 if it’s worth it.
I will be seeing my family and friends after months (they live in a different country) and I’m so worried about how I’ll look and what they’d think!
Thank you for your help.

Hello! This is something I have been wanting to do for a while!
Hans is an interesting character, and one no one can really agree about. He pretty much has been forgotten about in recent years, with the only thing being talked about is how he was a bad twist villain. People say his reveal just has him change personality all of a sudden, and that there was no hints before.
Well, here is all the things I have found out and observed about Hans in Frozen, that do in fact reveal him as a villain way before he refused to kiss Anna!
Fact number 1!
He is based off of the Evil Mirror!
Every character in Frozen is based off of someone in the Snow Queen book. Elsa is obviously the Snow Queen, while Anna is Gerda, and Kristoff is supposedly the Robber girl. Interestingly, they all represent Kia in some way. Elsa has his character journey, while Anna gets his curse, and Kristoff is a boy.
With Hans, he is based off of the Evil Mirror, and how they did this, was to have Hans reflect the personalities with the people he is with. With Anna he is bubbly and excited. With Elsa he is regal and somewhat somber. And with the Duke he is annoyed and quick to anger. He also is scared and worried with the villagers.
Here is some examples showing these character shifts.
When Anna and him go to ask Elsa for her blessing on their marriage he is all giggly and hyper with Anna, but then he switches to Elsa's personality and becomes regal to try and convince her. He even speaks more proper "Your majesty, if I my ease your...".
Then with the next scene after Elsa runs away, he is worried like Anna, but when they confront the Duke who is freaking out, Hans shifts between the two. He is defensive of Elsa like Anna is, and a little goofy still with her, but then he quickly gets irritated with the Duke just as the Duke is also very irritated with Anna and believing Elsa is a monster.
He better reflects the Duke later in the movie when we see Hans helping the villagers. With the villagers he has a very worried air about him, but as soon as the Duke starts talking to him, he immediately gets annoyed and then angry, matching how the Duke is acting.
All of these character shifts keep happing through the rest of the film until he reveals his true personality to Anna.
Fact number 2!
The Chandelier!
When Hans and the solders reach Elsa's castle, Hans actually tried to kill Elsa here. When Hans stops Elsa from killing the Duke's men, by saying "Queen Elsa, don't be the monster they fear you are". Elsa stops and lowers her guard. We then see from Hans' perspective and he notices the guy pinned to the wall raising his crossbow to kill Elsa. Then, for a brief moment we are shown Hans' face and he looks up before he runs to the guy to try and stop him. Hans runs over and grabs the crossbow and aims it up, shotting, the chandelier. Hans had noticed the chandelier was right above Elsa, and he attempted to kill her with it while making himself look like he had tried to save her.
Fact number 3!
Hans is a chameleon!
Not literally, but when asked about Hans, the directors called him a chameleon, because he quickly adapts or blends in to situation. Most villains have a plan that they use to manipulate the hero's with. They are usually the ones in control. But Hans never has a solid plan, and he is constantly having to change tactic due to Anna and Elsa's decisions.
His initial plan was to try and woe Elsa into marrying him. But, as Hans said later in the movie, "nobody was getting anywhere with her". So he switched over to Anna, with plans to kill Elsa later. This is actually visually shown with his clothing as well. When Anna first meets Hans, he is in a blue shirt and pants, with a purple scarf tie on his neck. This matches Elsa perfectly, showing he was going after her initially, but then when we see him again he is wearing something that matches him with Anna.
But then Elsa's powers are revealed and Arendelle is cursed. Hans plan changes to trying to get the people on his side, and making Anna and Elsa look bad. He apparently let Anna go alone so that he could later take the army up to Elsa's castle and try and make it look like Anna and Elsa were conspiring to destroy Arendelle when the people see them together. With the people, he tries to act good and caring, like a good leader, and is constantly trying to act like the good guy. Constantly saying they are not to harm Elsa, because he wants to come off as noble and like he is always giving her a chance, because despite Elsa having just cursed the land, she is still Arendelle's queen and the people still love her, they are just confused and worried about what she is doing. So Hans tries to paint himself as benevolent, waiting for Elsa to slip up, either by refusing to lift the curse, or by hurting someone.
And this tactic works. Later in the film, Hans says he will go look for Anna, but he is stopped and told that if Anna is dead, he is all Arendelle has left. Then when Anna comes to him to cure her frozen heart, Hans' plan changes for the last time. He knows he cannot save Anna because he does not love her. But he no longer needs her. He has gotten the admiration of Arendelle, and now he also has a good excuses to kill Elsa. So he locks Anna up, and gets the final confirmation that he is in charge now, by saying Anna is dead and she married him right before she passed away. Finally having full control and because everyone believes Anna died because of Elsa, Hans condemns Elsa to death.
Fact number 4!
"Love is an Open Door" shows how manipulative he is of Anna!
Now, Hans was always going to have a song that showed that he was not right for Anna. Originally it was a song called "Your You", and it was meant to sound like a love song that Hans is saying to Anna, but he is constantly mocking her throughout it. The creators felt like it gave away to much so they created "Love is and Open Door".
Now, I am no song writer or experts, so these are just my opinions on what and where it shows that Hans is just using Anna.
Him saying he has been searching for his own place, and then gesturing to Arendelle, is a big one a lot of people point out. Another one is also how they sing out of sync for most of the song as well, showing how they are not actually compatible or synchronized with each other.
What I noticed however, is that whenever Anna leads the song, they are compatible, but when Hans tries to lead, Anna always says something wrong. The biggest one is of course Anna saying "Sandwiches", to which Hans quickly brushes it aside and acts like that is what he was about to say. But recently someone also pointed out that there is a part where Hans says "You", and Anna replies with "And I", and they both say together "Were just meant to be". Now, if you did not notice why this is a clue, like I did at first, pretty much they both say Anna. Hans saying "You", is referring to Anna, and Anna saying "And I" is just referring to herself. The lyrics are not saying Anna and Hans are meant to be, it is instead saying Anna and Anna are meant to be.
The only time Hans takes the lead and it works, is at the very end, where he asks Anna to marry him.
Outside of the song, there is some other hints of manipulation before as well. Apparently the line "I would never shut you out", is very manipulative. Anna is acting vulnerable and telling Hans the hurt she has over Elsa shutting her out. Hans takes this sad topic in Anna's life, and tries to make himself look good, by telling her that if she is with him, he won't act like that. He does not tell Anna he is sorry that her sister seems to ignore her for no reason, nor does he try to help Anna figure it out, by suggesting that perhaps the burden of one day being queen made Elsa feel like she needed to grow up quicker.
Fact number 5!
"You can't marry a man you just met".
This is actually something I never see anyone talk about. Anna is immediately mocked and educated about trying to marry Hans to quickly, but not Hans.
See, we all know why Anna is so quick to try and marry Hans. She has been locked up all her life and barely knows how the real world works, or even how to make real relationships with people, whether it is friendships or romance. Hans is the first person in her life and she is clinging onto him. But what is Hans' excuse? He was not locked up all his life, and he clearly has seen the world and knows how it works. He even came as a representative of the Southern Isles. But he is rushing his engagement with Anna. He could have asked if they could start courting, but he immediately jumps to engagement.
Hans is 24 in the film, and Anna is only 18, yet no one questions Hans in trying to marry Anna immediately after meeting her for just a day.
Downsides
Is Hans actually a really well thought out villain? No, there are a lot of problems with many of my points. Hans being based of the Evil Mirror, while cleaver, is not really something people would know unless they looked it up, not like the rest of the cast and how it is clear who they are supposed to represent. It is also not that clear as Hans does not have much screen time, so his character shifts are not all that noticeable noticeable.
Then there is his plan. It was never going to work. Even if he managed to marry Anna or Elsa, he was never going to be king, just a prince consort. And then even if he killed Anna and Elsa, then Arendelle would go to one of their relatives, and not to Hans.
And of course, Hans smiling nicely after Anna, after he fell into the water. A lot of people think this shows that Hans was initially good or in love with Anna. After all, no one is around, so there is no point on keeping up the act.
This scene makes it seem like the creators are just trying to trick the audience. But that is giving the audience false information about Hans' character, so it is bad writing.
My theory is that Hans has always acted like this to survive. He acts like a kind and harmless guy because as the 13 in line, he really has no power or influence, so he has to keep on peoples good side. But, as the story continues on and Hans gains more power and influence, his true personality finally comes out.
But of course, this is only a theory and I don't really have evidence for it.
There is also the question of if he wanted Elsa dead, why did ne not just let the guy shot her. My guess is that if Elsa died there and the eternal winter was over, then that guy would have become the savior of Arendelle and not Hans. So Hans tried to act like he was trying to save her. still does not make that much sense, because if she died by the chandelier, the credit would still go to the guy and not Hans.
Conclusion!
I think Hans is a really good and thought-out villain! at least much more then people notice or give credit for. He is not perfect and there is a lot of flaws, but he is also really cleaver and maybe with a few tweaks of the story, could have been great.
Well, that is all I have to say for the moment. What do you think? Do you like Hans and did you learn anything new about him from this?

I think the “scarf as a top” look is so elegant and timeless! However, I really dont like how the back is always very revealing. Wearing a tube inside also ruins the look. Are there any ways to fold the scarf such that the back is “more modest”? 😅

I want to thank Meatcanyon and Wendigoon for starting Creepcast. I've played around with writing horror, and here is my first short story. I will post it for free in a few other places to see what people think. Please enjoy!
A Hike to Remember
By R.L. Oclen
Chapter 1
A woman sits with hastily pulled-up fire-red hair in the waiting room of the state patrol station. The procedurally sterile off-white walls and decade-old magazines do little for comfort. With her head hanging low, her shoulders pushing forward, and her boots rapidly tapping on the floor, something has to give.
"Please just let her be okay." The woman growls as a pair of officers come in from the field. The officers' demeanors quickly change when they see the familiar face.
"Tabitha, did Officer Nichols call you?" one of the state patrol officers asked sympathetically.
"Yes, he asked me to come in and pick up a few things," Tabitha said, shooting back a muted look.
" I'll let them know you're here." The officer said, nodding to Tabitha as they passed the security door. Tabitha leaned back against the hard plastic chair, staring blankly into the fluorescent light. She had done this dance in the macabre repeatedly over the past month. The last image of her younger sister, Lisa, still burned in her mind. Tabitha had always been protective over her younger sister after their parents died. A pang of guilt shoots through her chest as she thinks about her and Lisa's argument.
"Tabitha Hymm, Officer Nichols is ready for you."
"Okay," she stood up, shaking off her guilt, and followed the officer back. The familiar surroundings of the state patrol station blurred as Tabitha stared forward. She followed the officer as they came to a rustic wooden office door, which was embossed with "Officer Nichols."
The escorting officer turns the old brass door knob. "Sir, I have Tabitha Hymm here." A grizzled West Virginia Highway State Patrol veteran sits behind the desk and nods. The escorting officer steps aside, pushing the door open as Tabitha pushes past him and slumps in the awaiting chair like so many times before. An uncomfortable relationship had formed between the two, born out of necessity and duty.
"Cup of coffee?"
"No thanks. Let's just cut to the chase. You don't have anything new?"
The worn laugh lines and Officer Nichols's face flattens. His eyebrows contour sympathetically as he shakes his head.
"Tabitha, I don't have anything else new for you. I wanted to give you the clothes returned from the lab." Her face darkened at the same response she had heard many times.
"As we discussed two weeks ago, there is nothing new and no signs of struggle or foul play," Officer Nichols said while placing a box marked evidence on the table and sliding it forward. Tabitha began to weep at the realization of Lisa's clothes in front of her. In a coordinated queue, Officer Nichols brought out a box of tissues. Reluctantly, Tabitha took a few moments to unblur her vision.
"How does someone stop their car in the middle of the Remington West Virginia State Park, lock it, and then walk into the woods?" Officer Nichols clasped his hands together and sighed at her worn question.
"Tabitha, I wish I had an answer for why your sister stopped her car in the woods and simply walked off. We're still going through her cell phone, but no signs exist that anyone forced her. On that Tuesday morning, she pulled over to the side of the road, secured her car, and walked away." Officer Nichols said empathetically.
Tabitha became stoic at the same explanation she had heard many times before. " So what next?"
"You should go back to Ohio, and I'll contact you as soon as I have more information." She winced at Officer Nichols's words. Reality began to pull at her that bills and work wouldn't wait much longer.
"If I leave, she's gone for good."
" You staying won't bring her back." Officer Nichols said sympathetically.
" So is that it? She's just gone?"
" Tabitha, I'll be honest with you. In cases like this… when people do things like this. Recovery is harder in the spring due to the weather and the animals. You know her mental condition better than I do. I can't explain why she did what she did. But until I find a solution, a suicide note, some intention, or body. She's not here. Tabitha, I'm-"
" Don't you fucking say sorry!" Tabitha stood up, screaming at Officer Nichols, throwing the plastic chair backward against the wall. " I should just look for myself."
"No!" Officer Nichols said momentarily, gripping the desk as his face hardened, then relaxed. Tabitha was caught off guard by Officer Nichols, who was normally composed. "Tabitha, I know this is unbearable. I've sat on this side of the desk and had these conversations. Trust me; I need you to be safe if I need your help later."
Tabitha nods, knowing Officer Nichols is right. She reaches down, picks up the evidence box of her sister's belongings, and leaves.
" Tabitha, if you're heading home, don't stop your car; just keep driving." Tabitha stops to look at Officer Nichols, feeling an eeriness to his words.
" Goodbye, Officer Nichols," Tabitha said as she closed the rustic wooden door behind her. She counted the tiles as she exited the West Virginia State Patrol Station. Placing her sister's belongings carefully in the back seat of her Jeep, Tabitha then sat momentarily behind the steering wheel, staring at the emblem. The familiar numbness washed over Tabitha as she pushed the start button. She pulled onto the highway, driving to the motel that had been home for the last month or so. Muted pop music accented the drive back as her mind raced with questions. Once inside the two-and-a-half-star motel room, Tabitha sat her sister's belongings on the corner table, crumbled onto the bed, and cried.
***
Tabitha wiped the steam from the slightly spotted mirror above the bathroom sink. The hot water from the shower felt good and loosened some of the stress from her body. Looking back at her, Tabitha's face was framed by damp curls around her shoulders. Her face marked the stress of the past month. Frowning, she examined the bags under her eyes; sleep had to come tonight. Walking into the living area, She changed into her favorite gym shorts and oversized sleep shirt. The alarm on her phone flashed "7:00 am," so she could drive home five hours after breakfast.
Tabitha hated feeling comfortable in this once strange room, but falling asleep was getting easier now. Her eyes closed slowly as the ceiling fan droned evenly. At first, nothing came in her dreams, but she let her guard down and slipped further into sleep.
As she dreamed of floating overhead like a bird of prey, Tabitha soared over the vast Remington National Park. The high noon sun bore down on the crisp woods, perfectly contrasting sky and forest. The heat of the sun felt good on her feathers. Distant cries rang out through the dream-like forest, catching her attention. Tabitha tilted her wings toward the screams, feeling a sense of familiar curiosity.
She now recognized the sobs and cries for help as she flew closer, her sharp eyes locked on her sister leaning against a large oak tree. She glided overhead without care, examining the situation below. Lisa clung to the tree, her eyes darting back and forth, scanning upwards. Lisa's face reflected desperation, looking for help in any direction. Tabitha lazily circles Lisa several times before perching on a sturdy branch higher in one of the oak trees. She watched Lisa intently with hunger. She bellowed deeply, hearing the unnatural sound she made, catching Lisa's eyes. Lisa's expression changed; she became calm, almost uncaring, as she stared back at Tabitha's form. Hunger grew exponentially in Tabitha as she spread her large wings. Her large eyes gaze down at Lisa before diving straight for her sister.
Tabitha jolts awake to the alarm on her phone flashing "7:23 AM." She breathes in sharply, shaking off the last horrible thoughts from the reoccurring nightmare. The strange details become more vivid each time. The lingering memories of folk stories her mother told sat in the back of her mind. In those stories, the dead would reach out in dreams as a matter of warning. Leaning back on the headboard, she searched for the advice her psychologist gave her. During their last session, Dr. Ryland explained dreams are a form of self-actualization of guilt. He told Tabitha that it was natural to feel responsible when losing a loved one in this manner.
Tabitha grumbled, lightly running her hands through her red hair; she pushed everything to the back of her mind. "Get it together!" She grumbled to herself. She pushed herself off the bed and got ready to leave. It was going to be a long trip home, and the only thing she could do now was leave things in the authorities' hands. Packing up was pretty easy since she only cycled through the outfits she brought. The local laundromat must have made a small fortune off her. Tabitha took one last look at the box of Lisa's belongings before throwing them in her duffle bag. She was thankful she didn't have to spend another night in this room.
***
Tabitha sat behind the wheel, waiting for the 90's model minivan to finish their order so she could grab a breakfast burrito on the way out. Considering the situation, the Deer Stop Family Restaurant did have a good breakfast. Finally, pulling up to the 70-style drive-in board, Tabitha rolled off the order she had been accustomed to. " I'll take a large iced tea with the double breakfast burrito meal and hash browns, please."
" Would you like some happy hot sauce with that?"
" That's fine, and a few ketchup packets as well."
" Your total is $8.79. Please pull around."
She pulled around to her window, flashed her debit card, got the receipt, and waited for her food. Luckily, the young woman serving her wasn't very talkative in the morning. The last thing she wanted was a conversation about the weather or meaningless small talk.
" Here's your large iced tea and breakfast meal. Ketchup and happy hot sauce are inside."
" Thanks," Tabitha said while mustering her best fake smile. The woman only smiled and nodded as the service window automatically closed. She pulled into the parking lot and dug into breakfast. Turning the radio to the weather, Tabitha sat back and enjoyed her meal. The local DJ read through the headlines, making nonpartisan comments about politics and grumbling about improving the economy. Tabitha powered through the updates of the "out-of-state woman" who'd gone missing. It was nice that the local radio station gave Lisa's name, description, and a missing person's number for sightings or leads. Tabitha even interviewed with the local news and radio stations, hoping it would bring Lisa home. But she soon found all it brought was a sorrowful look from the locals as she interacted with them in her day-to-day life.
Finishing the last of her hash browns, Lisa wadded up everything in the paper bag and threw it in the back seat. The 9 AM weather report said it was nothing but clear skies and sun the rest of the week. Tabitha flipped the radio over to the greatest hit station, pulled out of the parking lot, and began her trip home. She memorized the roads, every bend and turn in the early weeks as she frantically looked for Lisa. There's something hypnotic about the trees: the way they flow together. The trees' green tops and the oak trees' wide trunks were a relaxing view. Tabitha enjoyed the lazy s-curves of the road, bending and winding around the hills and the trees. The occasional farmhouse or field dotted the sides of the road as she made her way to the main highway.
The blur of a semi-truck snapped Tabitha's attention as she pulled up to the mouth of the highway. She had four and a half hours ahead of her, which would be a long ride. Tabitha pulled onto the highway and picked up speed, noting sparse traffic. She relaxed into her seat, letting her gaze gloss over the blur of green foliage. Without warning, Tabitha caught a large shadow from the corner of her left eye. When she registered the black feathery form, Tabitha tensed up and slammed on the brakes as it swooped across the vehicle's hood. Quickly, she pulled the car safely off the road. She couldn't determine exactly what it was, but it was bigger than any bird she'd seen. It was a bird, right? Tabitha turned off her Jeep and grabbed the keys and cell phone. Standing before the Jeep, she looked over the grill to see if she made contact with the entity.
Bewildered, she scanned the tree line, spotting something in the distance. Sitting in the clearing of the large oak forest was an enormous black owl. It stared intently at Tabitha with bright, shiny yellow eyes. She pushed the lock button on her keys, causing the jeep to beep securely. She turned, looking across the open field, an enormous black owl perched in the upper branches of an old oak tree. Each step she took away from the road piqued her curiosity. Soon, Tabitha stood in the middle of the open field, staring intently into the eyes of the enormous owl.
The horn of a passing semi-truck blared, pulling Tabitha's attention away from the mysterious large creature. She looked back and saw that she had walked farther away from the Jeep than she had thought. She glanced back to the forest line only to see the enormous owl was deeper into the woods than before. She narrowed her vision to find the two large, bright yellow eyes staring back. Had it moved? The day's stress, care, and worry suddenly poured out of Tabitha. It was replaced by only curiosity and overbearing tranquility. She warmly smiled for the first time in months as her feet pulled her further into the woods.
Chapter 2
The tug of gravity pulls Tabitha to her senses as her body reacts, falling forward. Her arms thrust forward, bracing for impact. Water rushes around her face as she struggles to get her bearings. Quickly, Tabitha pushed herself up in the ankle-high stream she fell in. The haze slowly clears from her mind as she stares at the muddy water. The dull ache throbs up her legs. Tabitha can smell the sweat from her clothes. Her face contorted in panic as she quickly stood up in the water, looking for her cell. Thankfully, the device was still in her pocket, dry and unscathed.
"One o'clock. How can that be?" Tabitha says, slowly looking up from the screen to see the vast, dense West Virginia forest encompassing her view. She shakes her head back and forth with disbelief. A smile gently spreads across her face, with the last bit of tranquility leaving her body. How did I get out here? Her breathing becomes faster as her pulse begins to quicken. I'm in the forest. I'm all alone—just like Lisa!
"NO, NO, NO, NO! THIS FUCKING CAN'T BE HAPPENING TO ME!" Tabitha screams into the void of trees. Her eyes well up with tears as she crumbles to her knees, gripping her phone tightly to her chest. Her sobs ring out through the thick oak trees. Her breath slows a little as she regains her composure. She begins to search her mind for anything. What is the last thing I can remember? The image of the black shadow crossing her vision while driving flashes into her mind.
"Okay, I got out of the Jeep, the…then what?" Tabitha says, trying to refresh her memories. She thinks her memory is not just gone; it's a black void in her mind. Complete blackness fills her mind right after remembering locking the Jeep and then turning to see the…
"Fuck I saw something. What was it!" Tabitha says, frustrated with her mind. She knew there must be a logical reason she was out here. Officer Nichols warned her not to go looking for her sister. She wasn't stupid; she just said that as a last-ditch effort to get him to do anything. Now I'm here.
"Run!" Tabitha heard Lisa's voice in her ear. Before she could turn around, she heard a loud bellowing coming from overhead. Fear shot down her back, reminding her of the nightmares she had over the past month. She shot forward full bore as something crashed to the ground behind her. Glancing back as she ran, a black mass of feathers convulsed between the broken branches of the trees. Its slick black feathers rippled across its surface as its bones crackled and flesh tore. Its body contorted and twisted from the shape of an owl to something bigger.
"Run, Tabby! Don't let it catch you!" Tabitha pushed forward, hearing Lisa's scream beside her face. Her breath burned in her chest, and she moved past the old oak trees bent over the creek bed. Her feet slammed rapidly, splashing along the side of the creek. Another loud bellow comes from behind as the trees bend and break to the force behind her. A small opening in the rocky creek bed catches her sight from the left. She dives into the crevasses, not caring where the fathoms lead. Tabitha tumbles in the pitch black, taking scrapes and sharp jabs from the rocks as she tumbles further into the void.
She finally tumbles to a stop on the sandy, wet floor of the cave. Her body aches from the sudden burst of exhaustion. The cool water running around her body from the creek is soothing despite her bumps and bruises. Pushing herself up, she scoots out of the water. Feeling her way forward, she finds a dry spot to collect herself. Quickly pushing her hand into her pocket, she finds her phone undamaged.
The sound of footsteps pushing against the creek fills the void around Tabitha as the light steps move closer to each other up the underground creekbed. She slowly removes her cell from her pocket and then shines the camera light toward the sound. A pair of scratched and bruised pale bare legs hold up a frail form in front of her in the creek. She wears the darkness as a shroud with nothing else to clothe her. Tabitha froze, not wanting to shine the light further in the pale form before her.
"Tabby, turn your light off. You need to save your battery." Tabitha turned off the light and then rushed forward, embracing Lisa—the how or why didn't matter, only the now. The pale form hugged her tightly. Tabitha felt her cold, bare skin. The darkness couldn't hide the feeling of the marks across her back and torso.
"Lisa, I'm-"
"Hush! I don't have much time. This wasn't your fault! I'm with Mom and Dad now. You have to survive, Tabby! Listen. Wait until the sun shines through the cracks, making a trail out. Follow it down the creek until you come to the opening. You'll see a large hill you hike up for a cell signal. And remember…If you can't see it… It can't hurt you. I love you-"
Tabitha stumbled forward before catching herself. The void in front of her arms was only filled by cool air. She looked up and noticed a faint glimmer of light pushing through the ceiling. She sat down, relaxing against the limestone wall of the cave, waiting for the trail of light to form.
***
After a few hours, the light shining through the cracks of the cave ceiling was bright enough to lead Tabitha to the other side. She stepped onto the creek bed, thankful for the sun hanging lower in the sky. Scanning the sky, Tabitha saw only a few clouds. The foothills of Appalachia backdropped the forest as she scanned for the hill. Her eyes found the trail leading up the steady slope of an impressive hill. The top of the hill was bare. Part of the hill must have sheared off in a landslide, leaving the top void of trees and a jagged cliff face. Tabitha started her hike up the back of the hill. She was careful to stay under the heavy canopy of the old trees, hopefully avoiding the creature's eyes.
She did her best to quiet her mind while hiking up the trail. Come on, almost to the top, then I can call 911, she replayed repeatedly in her mind. Her adrenaline made up for the lack of food since morning. She drank some water from a clean spot in the creek. She was placing her bet on rescue rather than worrying about the water.
Leaning against one of the trees, Tabitha took out her cell and measured the signal.
"Damn it, nothing!" She swore under her breath. She listened nervously and cautiously peered her head out from the tree line. Standing at the tree line, the cell phone still had a low signal. She pushed her anxiety down with a swallow and slowly stepped forward onto the bare rock. Tabitha was now out in the open. She walked with the cell phone pointed upwards, measuring the signal. Within three feet of the cliff face, her signal bar punched up to full. Tabitha began to punch in the numbers just as a pair of large yellow eyes appeared. She felt her legs become weak, and her vision blurred as the creature snared her in its gaze.
Tabitha ducked, missing the giant owl's claws as it swooped for her. She squinted her eyes shut, momentarily breaking the hold of the infernal beast as it crashed to the ground, tumbling down the path of old trees. On her hands and knees, she tucked the dialed phone back into her pocket. She heard the creature's loud bellowing, followed by the snapping of bone and flesh ripping. It was changing its shape to finish her off.
Tabitha tried to get up, but the flash of its eyes did something to her. Her legs were numb, her stomach was in knots, and she could barely put a few thoughts together.
"If you can't see it, it can't hurt you." Tabitha heard clearly in her left ear. She quickly pushed herself into a sitting position and fumbled for the key chain in her right pocket. Pulling the long chain of keys, luck charms, and keepsakes, her father's Swiss army knife dangled at the end. She slowly opened the half-inch blade. Her body wholeheartedly rejected her plan and tried to fight her. Every internal warning system sounded as her body fought against her as she brought the blade against the corner of her left eye.
She didn't know if she could do it until the creature bellowed in her direction. With one quick motion, the half-inch blade sliced across her left eye. The world dimmed and then went black on her left side. Behind her, the beast's thundering gallop was getting closer. Tabitha plunged herself into total darkness with the last bit of her strength. Her hand gripped tightly around the bloody knife as she folded forward onto the ground. She could feel herself weeping blood. She squinted, doing her best to stem the tide of blood loss.
A large feathered paw drove into Tabitha's right side, flipping her onto her back. She lay still as the hulking creature stood over her. It remained motionless, and Tabitha was confused about why it didn't move or bite her. Then she started to giggle, just a little at first. Then, laughing madly into the creature's face as it growled back at her. She could not see it; she couldn't see anything. Her mind couldn't be eaten!
The creature roared into Tabitha's face while plunging one of its sharp claws into her shoulder. Tabitha screamed in pain, slashing the knife downward. The blade hit something soft, and she ripped the blade down, rending whatever she had hit on the abomination. A bright yellow, foul-smelling liquid gushed in a torrent over Tabitha's face. She turned to cough, having swallowed a portion of it. The creature reared back, squealing in pain. Its hind leg came down hard on Tabitha's leg, snapping her tibia. She jerked her leg up, causing the creature to tumble forward and fall over the edge of the cliff side.
Tabitha heard the creature crash below at the base of the hill. A large dead tree speared the creature through its chest. Tabitha could hear the labored whines of the creature as its cries became weak and slowed. A wave of sickness hit her as she rolled over and vomited. The foul smell drenched her. She did her best to focus, reaching into her pocket and pulling out the phone. By memory, she typed in the unlock pin. She held her breath and placed her thumb where the call button should be.
She could hear the call being made then, "911. What is your emergency?"
"Please help me! A bear has attacked me, and I can't see. I think I am on a hill."
"Ok, ma'am, stay with me! Do you know where you are located?"
"No, I'm lost. Please send help."
"It's okay. Stay with me on the phone, and I'll use the cell signal to try to find you."
"I'm on top of one of the hills. I think I am lying on a bare roc-" Tabitha slipped unconscious with the cell still tightly in her hand. Her body began to tremble and convulse.
"Ma'am! Ma'am! Stay with me. I have help on the way."
Chapter 3
A young man in military fatigues frantically compiles images and reconnaissance data from his drone feed. Confirming his hunch, he commands the winged surveillance drone to make a hard left and send a live video feed. His eyes widened as he saw a large owl-shaped shadow crash onto the top of a hill. He watches in awe as the sleek black owl twists and shifts into something much larger, like a grizzly. As the drone turns, he sees a woman at the cliff's edge trying to steady yourself on her hands and knees.
He bolts up from the command module, jotting down the drone's coordinates on one of the printouts. The drab government-issued office motif for the watch station blurs in the corner of his eye as he rushes down the hallway to the watch commander's office.
"Sir, recon has eyes on AMOS! And it's feeding!" the man said, swinging the heavy wooden door open. He took the hastily compiled file and pushed it forward to the commanding officer.
An older, tanned man quickly stands, reaching for the files. His brow furls, seeing his charge is awake. "Keep eyes on it! Go Adams!" The young man nods, turning on his heel and bolting for the drone command module. As his office door slams shut from the subordinate officer, he grabs his headset and frantically dials the closest military outpost to the coordinates.
"Hello, Sergeant Klein; this is Agent Smith of Black Watch outpost 7948! Shadow is active, code Alpha, Mike, Oscar, Sierra. The coordinates and data package have been sent. A civilian is on the ground; deploy strike-and-rescue ASAP.
"We'll be up in five, Agent Smith! The line cuts as Agent Smith closes out the call on his headset and rushes to the door. The normally quiet watch station buzzes alive, with personnel flooding the central command station. The background echoes resource allocation calls, frantic typing, and the hum of cold computers warming up.
"Adams, get our eyes back on Amos!"
"Coming back around in 30 seconds." Thirty sets of eyes stare at the three giant screens, anxiously waiting for the drone feed to clear the bank of trees. The camera clears the tre top to see the giant feathered grizzly rear back slinging its massive head away from its prey. Its large yellow right eye spews bright yellow liquid all over the red-haired woman and the cliff face. The giant feathered grizzly missteps, crushing the woman's leg and causing the creature to tumble over the cliff face.
"Fuck!" Agent Smith yells in horror as he watches AMOS fall four stories, impaling a sharp, 3-meter-tall log lodged in the boulders. The command center freezes wide-eyed at the flailing dying creature on screen. Agent Smith pulls his cell out quickly and dials.
"Klein, Scrub the current request! AMOS is down! Switch to rescue and harvest now!
"What, someone took out AMOS?"
"YES! It's at the bottom of the cliff, bleeding out essence! The woman is covered in it as well. Clean as much of it off her as possible before you take her to the ER.
"Understood!"
Agent Smith, in a rage, slings his phone straight forward, connecting with Private Adams's skull. Adams flinches at the sudden impact of the hard plastic and covers his head. Agent Smith grabs the table in front of him and flips it over, sending the computer equipment crashing to the government-issued tiled floor.
"A two-year cycle gone! All that essence is gone! Now I have to wait another 24 months for AMOS to resurrect!" Agent Smith screams, causing the rest of the staff to recoil away in fear.
"Jones!" Agent Smith says sternly, turning to a petite woman on his left. She stares at him, pleading.
"Yes Sir?'
"Get Officer Nichols on my office line. That fuck up has some explaining. He should have told us AMOS was awake."
"Right away!" Jones quickly sits back down and begins dialing Nichols, thankful she doesn't have to deal with Agent Smith further. The command center quickly shifts gears as Agent Smith returns to his office.
***
Two Weeks later…
"Tabitha… Tabitha… This is Doctor Wilhelm. Wake up." The kind older gentleman said as they gently nudged Tabitha in her hospital bed.
"Where am I?" Tabitha asked, waking from what felt like years of sleep. She sat up, the world still pitch black, but an odd sense of the world around her seemed to hum just behind her eyes.
"You're in the hospital, dear; you scared us. Do you remember anything?" He said as he sat down on the side of her bed.
Tabitha thought for a moment the last parts after she slashed her eyes were a blur. She remembers people yelling and the sound of two or three helicopters over her. " No, it's really all just a blur."
"Well, it's probably for the best. You had some very serious injuries. The first night, we honestly didn't think you would make it. Then…" The doctor trailed off with a concerned expression, not knowing how to explain things further.
Tabitha felt his pulse quicken somehow. She didn't understand it but fully felt or sensed the doctor beside her. She sensed the two other nurses standing at the end of the bed. Her body didn't hurt. She felt great. She felt hungry.
"Doctor, you said had. What happened to my injuries?" She said calmly, trying not to startle the old doctor further.
"Well, Tabitha, it's the closest thing to a miracle I've ever seen. You had violent seizures from the minute you hit the entrance of the ER. We couldn't even set your leg. The medications we gave you had a minimal effect, and you thrashed so much that we had to restrain you. Then, the early morning check-in found you in a deep sleep. All but your eyes were completely healed. So we switched gears to support care and treated your eyes the best we could." He said, watching her reaction.
Tabitha leaned back in her bed, taking in the wild account. "Do you know how I healed so quickly?"
"What happened to you is beyond all scientific reason. A miracle is the only way the staff and I can explain it. I know you have been through a lot, but I want to check your eyes."
"Thank you for all your help, Doctor Wilhelm." She said, sitting up in bed.
"You are most welcome, dear. Now I am going to unwrap your eye-dressing. Hold still, please." he said as he reached up and pulled on the bandage tape. Tabitha felt a quick tug and felt the bandages loosen from around her head. The doctor slowly unwrapped the bandages. The doctor's brow wrinkled as he examined the two large black scabs covering Tabitha's eyes.
"Tell me if this hurts at all, ok?"
"Yes, doctor." She relaxes as the doctor's gloved fingers pass over the scab. He pushes and gently tugs at the side of one, and it starts to lift. He pulls on the scab more, and Tabitha begins to sense the light as it hits her eyelid.
"Oh, I can sense the light, Doctor Wilhelm!" She said, smiling.
"Wonderful! Nurse Allen, please hand me some saline solution. I think a little water will loosen these right up. Hold still; this may feel cold," he said as he reached for the solution. She felt the cool liquid flush over the left eye, then the right. The scabs fell away with a gentle tug from the doctor. She could see the light shine through her eyelids. She grinned widely, happy to have some form of sight left.
"Please open your eyes for me," he said as he sat back on the bed. Tabitha slowly opened her eyes. The flood of light was almost too much, causing her to squint. After a few moments, she adjusted to the fluorescent lights. Three figures began to take shape in front of her. First, the distinguished older features of Doctor Wilhelm came into view quickly, followed by the brunette and blonde younger nurses standing at the end of the bed. Suddenly, her vision snapped into place, crisp and clear.
"I can see perfectly! This is amazing! Thank you, Doctor Wilhem!" she said, turning to look directly into his eyes, but he stared back at her unmovingly.
"Doctor Wilhelm?" she said as her expression became more worried. Doctor Wilhelm just sat staring, intensely focused on her eyes. His expression was overbearingly calm. She glanced at the nurses, rigidly staring back at her with trapped, calm expressions. Doctor Wilhelm began to twitch slightly. It traveled from the base of his spine out to his limbs, finally convulsing.
"Doctor Wilhelm, are you okay?" Tabitha yelled as the doctor began to have a seizure and fell on top of her bed.
"Help Him!" She screamed at the two nurses only to see both of them crumble to the tiled floor. One of them bashed her head off the bed frame. Tabitha recoils back from Doctor Wilhelm in terror as he starts foaming at the mouth. She climbs over the bed rail and hits the tiled concrete floor with a thud. Her adrenaline surges as she bolts for the door, looking for help.
At the entrance of her hospital room, she sees another nurse leaving the adjacent room. "Please, my doctor and staff need help!" As the male nurse turns to see Tabitha, he suddenly goes stiff before collapsing into a violent seizure, spilling his cart over with him.
"What's happening!" Tabitha screams, thinking something is in the air, or everyone has come down with something. A pair of security guards round the corner, hearing the screams and commotion.
"Ma'am, are yo-" The guard freezes mid-stride as he makes eye contact with Tabitha. Both men start to convulse and topple over, thrashing violently on the hard tile.
"No, no, no, no!" Tabitha yells as she darts into the women's bathroom, a few doors up the hall. She runs in, terrified of the situation. She approaches one of the sinks, bracing herself against the cool porcelain. Her stomach turns, and she dry heaves in the sink. She steadies herself while turning on the cold water. Leaning in, she takes a drink. As she looks up, a glint of two yellow eyes catches her. Tabitha stumbles backward on reflex. Then, she sees her reflection in the mirror. Two completely bright yellow eyes stare back at Tabitha. She screams at herself in the mirror, not feeling hungry anymore.
The end.
I will