So, I(23M) went on a date with a girl (22F) I met on a dating app (It was my first date in life). The date was lovely; we really matched the vibe with each other. The only point was that she was not similar to her photos, and we ended the date well. We talked for a few days after the date, and at 1 one point, I realised I was the one who was initiating the messages. So, I decided to stop and wait for her to reach out. She never reached out after that.
After this, I considered asking her for a second date, but I never contacted her. After eight months, I gathered the courage as there was nothing to lose me. I messaged her back, and we decided to go on another date after this. After a week, we went on our third date (she initiated), and after a week, we went on our 4th date. All our dates were coffee dates, and We usually spent around 2-3 hours on our dates. There was no physical intimacy between us other than Goodbye Hugs, as we sit face to face on all our dates. We have been talking on Chat and Calling daily since our 2nd date. But, I sometimes feel that I'm not that much into her and not that physically attracted towards her and also I think we are not really compatible with each other. I really like her as a person and want to continue as a friend of hers but not a relationship. I want to politely convey this to her as I feel she is getting a bit emotionally connected with me I want to tell her before it's too late.
TLDR: I went on a date with this girl I met on OLD; I want to say that I can't commit to a relationship right now and would love to continue as a friend. How can I convey her politely?

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Heya! Took half of this week from work as a sort of well deserved staycation, so have plenty of time currently. A perfect time to see what new people I can meet and learn about! A bit about myself to get things going:
* Have my bachelor of commerce, majoring in accounting. So it should be no surprise that I currently work as an accountant. Currently living in interior BC, with hopes that one day I can go to Vancouver.
* History is one of my favourite subject interests. Basically I just want to learn it all, regardless of time period or place. So if you have any good recommendations for well researched and sourced books, please let me know! Another lesser one is geology and paleontology, just really like rocks I guess. Still have my childhood collection.
* Speaking of books, I have loved reading since I was young. Love it so much, I can stay up until 2am getting immersed in my book, which doesn't really help too much with work the next day. Recently I have started to read 30 - 45 minutes before bed to help unwind before I attempt to sleep.
* Gaming is one of my main hobbies to fill my time when the weather isn't nice or I have nothing else to do. Personally I think gaming is best done with friends, so always done to play most things with people. For my solo tastes, I do enjoy RPGs and strategy/simulation type games the most. Basically anything with a good story or that gives me the ability to create ones myself.
* When the weather is nice, and not winter, I love to go hiking and for long walks. Hopefully this upcoming spring and summer will be less smoke filled than last year. Would love to get into photography some day so I can capture all the scenic sights I see. Currently trying to get better at working out consistently, have been pretty good in the past but have fallen through a bit since I've moved.
* Music is a big part of my life, and if my ear isn't taken by something I usually have it playing. I would say my preferred genres tend to be alt and indie rock. That being said, if I enjoy a song I will usually add it to my playlist, and check out the artist and similar songs to see if I can find others I will enjoy. Always love hearing about why a person loves a song, and am more than happy to exchange songs!
* Love to cook and bake, and somewhat decent at it too! Always looking for new recipes to try. Usually I get them down after a few tries, well they are edible at least
* I think I am decently humourous, I am able to make my co-workers and friends laugh quite a bit. Really I just want everyone to have a good time in the end and try my best to make it happen.
* Communication is one of the things I value the most. Would love to find someone who is efficient as well, as I truly believe it is key to growing any sort of relationship.
I can be quite an open book and love talking to people, so if this interests you in all feel free to reach out!

So I've been taking different kinds of supplements on a daily basis, they vary from time to time, but these are the main ones I was taking without a break during the last 2-3 years:

Spirulina 3mg (I've also tried Sea Moss for some periods but didn't experience any change) - I love Spirulina due to energy boost and overall value they add to health
Turmeric 2-3mg
Vitamin D 5000 iu - I live in a Northern country, so we all lack it, but all my blood tests have shown that I don't lack it even before I started using it, but it might be that I travel quite often to countries with more sunshine
Omega 3 fish oil
Milk Thistle (only when I'm drinking alcohol - before/after, so on a weekly basis)
Phosphatidyl serine - I use 1 bottle and I stop for 2-4 weeks because I know and experienced that the body and mind gets used to it. If anyone needs concentration and sharp mind - this was a lifesaver for me.
Nac 1000 mg - I want to be young haha

And these ones I take from time to time (but pretty often also with a little/medium (2-3 months) break in between):

Garlic oil
Collagen powder
Multivitamins (I recently started taking such which covers most of the vitamins in one)
CoQ10 - because I'm a smoker
Pau d'arco
Ashwagandha
Lion's mane
Chaga
Coryceps
Reishi
Chaga
Magnesium
Wermut-Tee - I have a dog so it's a prevention from worms and I've heard that all diseases (even cancer) come from worms, so I drink it pretty often, but it's only what I've hear, I haven't done proper research on it.

So my main questions are:

If I'd take a break (let's say during summer when I eat fresh veggies) for like 3-4 months, do you think my organism will lack these supplements and I will experience some kind of side effects or will it be ok?
Has anyone tried it before - I mean taking many supplements for a long time on a daily basis and then stopping it - what was your experience?
If you have any opinions, experiences or feedback on supplements I've listed - please share them. I'm really interested to hear all sides.

My daily supplement intake is pretty high comparing to what others are taking (my friends, family, colleagues), so I'm wondering if it's needed at all. I believe my body could manage to be without ANY of those I've mentioned, but for example, I've tried stopping spirulina for 1 month and I felt without energy. So I'd like to hear your opinions and experiences. Please share all positive and negative experiences. Thanks!

My body physically cannot handle college. Unless I have developed some sort of medical condition in the year I’ve been here, and I am going to a doctor appointment soon to be sure I haven’t, I am so stressed to the point that my body is breaking down. I didn’t have a history of migraines until about a year ago, but they were very sporadic. In the last semester, I’ve had to take probably equivalent to 2-3 weeks of time off from classes and interning because I have these debilitating migraines with terrible vomiting. Usually they’re not a one off thing either, and the migraines occur for days at a time with maybe 10-15 hours between them. Now, I am not just getting migraines, but I am genuinely ill and have been for about a week now. My body hurts, I can’t even lift up my cat right now because she’s too heavy. I can barely eat and most of the time it comes back up within the hour. I’ve been vomiting so much these past few days that blood vessels have been popping in my face. I feel lethargic to the point of falling asleep in class and not being able to do much work outside of it. My brain feels fogged and sometimes I literally cannot process the words someone right in front of me is saying. My heart is racing all them time. Everything just feels worse with every day. I’m always scared my teachers, boss, and supervisor are upset or disappointed with me. I want to rest and take care of myself but I have so much responsibility as a student, intern, and worker. I can feel myself falling behind, and the term is coming to an end soon. I don’t know if I can handle it. I genuinely hate being in college. I wanted to take time off between high school and college, but I would lose my funding from the VA which is essentially paying for my entire undergrad. I can’t afford college if I don’t have their support. On the other hand, I’m working toward a degree I don’t feel passionate about because I was rushed to make a decision and I feel so constantly stressed I just want to breakdown and cry. I think I’m gonna step back from university and go back to community college in the fall. For now, I don’t really know how to approach the rest of the term. I’m stressed to the point that I’m sick and I’m so sick it’s affecting my work and not getting work done is stressing me out more which is making me sicker and it’s just an endless cycle.
TLDR; I’m stressed to the point that I am sick and only getting sicker. Need to finish this term out, but stress-illness cycle is only getting worse. Don’t really know how to approach the rest of the term

I (25F) have been seeing this man (30M) for a few months now, but we broke up last week. Before last night, we weren't talking at all because we were both hurt. But I went home with him last night for the first time in a week. We cuddled each other to sleep and he kissed me goodbye this morning. He says he's happy being single, but that he likes me and wants to continue hanging out, although not nearly as often as we were.
We broke up because I had been finding myself waking up in the middle of the night (3-5 am) wanting nothing more than to be held by him. I'd snuggle up under his arm not even expecting to wake him, but he would wake up with an unreasonable amount of anger, and we'd end up arguing from the time we woke up until the time we intended to wake up. Lots of tears on my end and some yelling on his end was involved. This happened about 5 times before we broke up over it.
I learned recently though that while I was getting upset with him for being mad about my desire to be cuddled, he was having flashbacks because i was initiating close physical contact while he was trying to sleep. He has never talked to me about it, but there have been a couple things now that led me to believe he was a victim of CSA. His attitude towards me initiating intimacy alone seems like a trauma response, but he also panicked quite a bit when I put lotion on his back with backrub intentions.
It was spelled out for me last night by one of our mutual friends, that the fact that he does not want me cuddling with him while he's trying to sleep is directly a result of the trauma he endured.
This man has my entire heart and it hurts to know that he is holding that kind of pain in. I feel like a terrible person for not understanding what the big deal was sooner. I feel selfish for not even considering the fact that my actions were hurting him ,and I want things to be okay between him and I. I realize I disrespected his boundaries. How can I win my guy back over and make him feel confident this won't happen again?

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I saw a story where a guy was threatening his coworker to get him to perform sxual acts in exchange for not reporting his kid to the cops for some trivial matter. As he was not demanding money, but sx, in exchange for not reporting his co-worker’s son, is this considered blackmail or extortion? I heard that blackmail is when someone demands money, but extortion is when someone demands services. But I also heard that extortion is generally used for businesses rather than individuals. So what would this case be?

Identical twin sis & I have been raised by our mama the last decade. We are 24 my mom and sister both have such similar careers if not identical, I feel every time we are invited over I am left out im let it go always as I usually don’t care to talk but I sure as shit notice , I am left out of a lot. And whenever I do chime in it’s well you’re fucking complaining, stop it. (You’re doing the most you don’t even know that yet .)I voiced my differences and it was snubbed off like most. I came home early today as I’m sick and noticed my sister had hid MY mug I got from a dearly loved co worker before our last move. my reaction most definitely could’ve been better but “it was an accident idk” sent me
This was my most loved co worker which she knew! I would always remind her to be please be careful using said mug, just for her to roll her eyes back in response. I’m seriously heartbroken this coworker was much more than a friend and I feel she knew that and did it on purpose I I literally hate her and hate being a twin right now.

I'm really struggling in a management role and even got written up last week, which has never happened to me anywhere.
As an individual contributor, I think I have a lot to offer and at times over the years, have known more about what I'm doing than some of my managers do. But in a management role, a lot of my weaknesses get exposed.
I'm a painfully shy, socially anxious (sometimes awkward) person. I tend to have a lot of anxiety in social situations at work especially.
I'm not a great oral communicator - I can write things out very eloquently, but I'm not a great talker.
I'm bad in group meetings. A lot of that is not being a great orator and not projecting well but I'm not great addressing groups. I tend to talk too fast and struggle to find times to interject and sometimes just feel uncomfortable being there.
I'm likable but not approachable, people tell me. They say I build a wall around myself without even trying to.
I'm likable, friendly... but I'm not great at team building and building relationships with co-workers. I tend to be more of a solo player. I'm not great socially or with relationships out of work either, though fortunately I convinced my wife to marry me. I tend to have very few close friends, few people tend to really know me.
I tend to be more of a taskmasker as a manager, spending a lot of time assigning tasks (or doing them myself)
Any advice?

Hello Guys I am planning to be enrolled in "Efile certified software" shortly I know that "Busy season is just over " many people says that I should wait until end of 2024 for new software for next filling, BUT Cantax offers me good package, including ALL OF THE YEARS from 2017 to 2025 filling which means that they included a license for next year too, it would be less than $1400 I believe that I would have previous years client (like student, seasonal workers earned less than $10000 a year) , so If I am licensed previous year's it is an Good advantage. do you think it is good deal ?
I am also checking Taxcycle and Profile at the moment meanwhile could you please advise me your opinion about E-file software?
CRA certified Efile software is very pricy for most of them.....
Best Regards

I work at a B2B tech agency. All is going well, decent career progression and generally happy clients and co-workers. The issue is, I have a constant fear of being exposed for not knowing my stuff. Does anyone else struggle with anxiety around having to talk / write professionally about topics they don't feel confident about - especially to clients where this is their specialism?
I read up about tech, read all the sector press, listen to podcasts etc, but it often sounds like another language and can feel as if I'm translating as I go.

As a worker I participate in the Teacher retirement system not social security ,but some body told me today that I won't be able to get unemployment because I haven't contributed to my social security.

I'm not sure how this sounds but I feel like diamond keys aren't that difficult to get, they appear in CoC from time to time, they're expensive but affordable if you save you can get them from prizefights with just getting to top 30%, if you have good fighters then 20 million in a day isn't that difficult, do it for 3 days and you get it, I'm not saying it should be harder or anything, I just don't think it's as hard as people say I'd like to hear other opinions tho

For Context:
32F Current Role: Senior Analyst in Risk Mgt in big 4
Formal Education: High School (don’t let a single person that you need to have x,y,z in order to be able to move up the corporate ladder. It's such BS)
Study time: Jan-May (started strong, got lazy, casually got back into it early May and booked the exam when I was getting 60% in mock tests and that got me through the last 3 week slump)
First:
Before you buy anything, look up discounts on this page or online for Pocket Prep, Courses and the actual exam, they exist.
Check what resources are available by your employer and what you can get reimbursed for. Don's assume. Specifically go to the learning team if you have one in your job as they will know more than your manager or co-workers.
150 Q's Mock exam results on the 4 days leading up to my exam:
16th: 77% via Peter Landini 17th: 70% via Peter Landini 17th: 78% via AR exam at the end of his course 18th: 78% via Peter Landini 19th: 65% via Joseph Phillips 20th: 77% via Peter Landini 21st: Exam Day , Pass (T/AT/T/AT)
Recourses I used in the order in which I recommend they be used:
Ricardo Vargas's YouTube : I watched numerous times as different stages but should be your 1st step. (10/10) Pocket Prep: I bought 3 months but I recommend just utilizing the free version. Good to grasp the contents. This link gets you 20% off if you wish to purchase. (7/10) AR's course here : The best of a bad bunch of very dry, dull and boring course content that simply has to be covered. Overall, I recommend. (8/10) Peter Landini Quiz Book: I bought the book BUT, go to pg 152 which gives you a link to online mock exams. This one is a must in my opinion. (10/10) David McLachlan's YouTube: for any areas you are unsure of with logical explanations. (10/10)
And last but not least, for anyone that struggles with the EVM related Q's I highly recommend the below:
To remember the formula, watch this and write it out every other day: Earned Value Management Formulas in 5 Minutes! (youtube.com) (10/10) To remember the logic of the EVM's : Earned Value Analysis with no math for the PMP Exam (youtube.com) (10/10)
Closing Comments:
Review the exam content outline doc from the PMI website , specifically pages 6 then 8-11. It outlines exactly what to expect in the exam, don’t waste time trying to spot the themes on this sub. This is the shortcut your looking for.

"You should go to Hallett. We went last year and it was fun. A good track for Miata's"
My friend Gerry the Texan who along with his team brings several Miata's to races all over from Road America to Houston to Seibring. It's a great bunch of people who are having a blast racing Lemons. He told me that and it got me to thinking. We wanted to go to a new track this year and after the disappointment at Barber going somewhere and having some fun sounded good. Also Hallett is noted for having a smaller field so we could be competitive. I always say that Barber is more like a pro level Lemons race in that it attracts the faster and better prepped teams. Road America was like that too.
But first we have to fix the car. As typical, we wait until the race is almost upon us to start. There's the matter of how bad the car is bent from the last race where Manny hit the wall. They thought it was good but we need to check this.
After pulling the rear sub frame in hopes of replacing it we learn that a 90 is a bit different than a 91 subframe or a 2001 subframe. Supposedly it all interchanges but after looking over the differences, Youngest adds a few reinforcements at places the internet gurus say are the weak points and we put the rear end together and put it back in the car. Then we check the alignment. To my great surprise the rear camber and caster is spot on. I was shocked, but the crew did a great job that night fixing the car while it was up on jack stands. Using just a tape measure they got the car really close. Toe was out but the borrowed porta powers got the bent subframe where it needed to be.
We changed the oil and brake fluid, bled the system where we took the rear apart to drop the subframe.
Another project we attempted was to swap in a larger fuel tank. Manny who has been helping with the repairs found a article on the internet that said you could bolt in a NB fuel tank out of a 2001 or so Miata and gain a gallon of fuel capacity. Yeah, that is not possible. The tank has a hump where the car does not and would involve cutting a hole in the car which would be a bit noticeable. Not worth it for such a little gain. Good news is I now have two extra NB tanks if anyone needs one. A gallon would not seem to be that much but we are still dreaming of two stopping the car at certain tracks, stretching our mileage to only stop every two hours and 25 minutes and make a seven hour day with one less stop. It's not all about raw speed, strategy can make a difference. One less stop per day could potentially add ten laps in a weekend of racing at certain tracks.
After we got the subframe in and the car aligned Youngest pulled it all apart again. He was not happy with the bushings holding the rear differential in place. The rear has to move a bit so it is not solid mounted, it actually can pivot a slight bit. He felt the bushings holding it were letting it move too freely.
Once again we put the car back together.
All during this time Manny and FabGuy have been working hard on a new car. Manny got a little crazy on Co-part. First one Miata shows up at our shop. Then another. Then another. I started joking with the guys "Hi I'm Manny, I might have a Miata addiction". Yeah. So after a lot of looking we have three wrecked cars, one being a automatic that was absolutely destroyed. It had zero good body panels and even the front subframe was pushed back where it had got up on something in a wreck. I think the only things we saved off that car was a rear axle, engine, transmission and the hard top which was cracked but usable.
We then robbed enough body parts off of one to put on the other so we ended up with a mostly maroon car with a drivers side red fender, red door and silver hardtop. I say we but all we did at the shop was to take the cars apart, everything else went to Manny's garage where he and FabGuy installed the cage and built the car. They did bring it over a time or two to put in the air to install a few parts or when we aligned it. The build and fitment were top notch on the car, lots of nice parts went in, like a better seat and belts than we use on our Miata. Like most builds they were literally bolting parts to it the night before we loaded the car to head west.
Finally both cars are prepped and it's time to get on the road. Manny has a business where he uses two rollbacks and moves cars mostly to and from car lots and auction lots. So he gets the newer one of the two trucks and shows up at the shop Thursday morning. RacerGuy and I are already there and have hooked our camper to RacerGuys truck. I am leaving my trucks at home, but taking our race trailer and our camper. The plan is to hook the camper to RacerGuys diesel F250 and hook the race trailer to Manny's newish Chevy 4500.
The plan nearly goes off the rails when Manny shows up and I get to looking at his truck. Being in the business I can't not help but look at tires. His drives are terrible, two are bald, one is soft and one showing wire. I go to air up one of the bald ones and it's not having it. Air is leaking out as fast as it was going in. In Manny's defense his employee was driving this truck and Manny had not seen it in weeks. I had already loaded tire tools and extra spare tires for every truck and trailer in the caravan except RacerGuy's truck and I would have got a spare for it too if I had thought about it. With nothing else to do, we all jump in and start busting tires. Forty five minutes later we have four new drives on the truck and we are in a much better spot to make the long drive. I hadn't done any big truck tires for a long time, sold that part of the business. Still got it, just like riding a bike.
We find I40 and start clicking off miles. Manny has already told us the limiting factor which is that GM put a really tiny fuel tank in his truck so we are forced to stop every 160-180 miles for fuel. It slows us down but it's not all bad, we find a roadside BBQ joint that looks like a camper up on blocks that has a huge parking lot and a ton of customers lining up. Of course we try it out, the best BBQ comes from little places like that, not the ones with massive buildings.
We cross Arkansas and I think it was the first time I ever went that way westbound on 40. Came back the other side when we brought the box truck back where we bought it in California. We finally make Oklahoma and bent north to go to Tulsa. Did not see the Tulsa King anywhere, stopped in a Super Walmart and stocked up on groceries for the weekend. Hallett is in the middle of nowhere, so we are planning on eating at the track.
We get there and make our way into the paddock. This will be the first time we have every camped inside the track. They have a cross over with gates that close during when the track is hot and a tunnel for access when the gates are closed. The tunnel looks kind of tight, I'm happy to not test the posted height limits. It says our trailers should fit. Yeah we will wait.
We hustle to get the camper leveled and the generator cranked up. For the next three days it will run non-stop to keep the fridge cold and our lights on. We run the a/c but for the most part temps are very nice.
The next morning we are up and on the road after the drivers meeting. We go to Pawnee, take in some sights then hit Stillwater for some parts and pieces at a hardware store. We also gas up all our empty gas cans so we are ready for race day.
Back at the track Manny and Fabguy are unloading their car off the back of the rollback. It was nice carrying one and towing one car. They go out and practice a bit, come in and make some changes then go out again. It's a new build and everyone has realistic expectations about the car. We are all expecting issues as it takes a while to find the weak spots and fix them.
We get our car out and practice. We send three of the four drivers out and have them run a few laps. I'm about to get ready and go out when RacerGuy comes in and says he felt something pop. We get to looking and the adjuster is gone off the alternator. Look a little more and the bolt has broken off in the alternator. So we have a spare motor in the trailer but it is missing the adjuster. Looks like we need the adjuster, the bolt and the alternator. We make a few visits around the paddock to look for parts but none of the other Miata teams have what we need. Youngest goes into the trailer and in a small miracle finds the adjuster laying under the spare motor loose. He and Coach head into Tulsa on a parts run while Manny agrees to put me into their car for a few laps so I can get a feel for the track. I've watched a hundred laps on Youtube but nothing is like actually driving the track. I go out and don't push things too hard. It is a very worn surface with some patches, particularly in the groove of turn two. Manny's car drives a lot different than ours, you can really tell you have more power and grip. Their tires are a lot wider as well as having 30-40 more hp. They have been working on the car all day and just finished taking off the lines where they installed a remote oil filter, they were not Lemons grade and were leaking.
Just before dark Youngest gets the parts on the car. We also install a helmet blower, we are going to try to use the air to defrost the windshield. All reports indicate rain is coming Sunday.
Then it's dinner time. Our friends from Minnesota have brought pure Lemons art down in the form of a Chrysler Magnum wagon powered by a slant 6 that is mid mounted. It is a engineering feat and runs out nicely. Adam the team leader and I have been planning and they are cooking for us for tonight and we are cooking for them Saturday night. They show us up by putting on a feed with steaks and salad. I'm feeling bad about the fact we are serving hamburgers, coleslaw and potato salad the next night. It was great.
Saturday morning dawns and we are up and moving around. I give up waiting on a shower as the line is too long inside and try the outdoor shower. It has no roof, just walls. It was ok. The next morning I tried it again and it was freezing, no hot water!
I skip breakfast and get ready to get in the car. I want to get on the grid early as I still am not feeling great about the track. The laps in Manny's car did not give me much to make me feel really attuned to the track as I was learning both the car and the track at the same time. I want all the practice laps I can get in our car. The line up is me, Youngest, Coach and then RacerGuy bringing up the finish for the day. FabGuy is gridded about ten cars behind us and he is under team orders to take it easy to start the race.
We get out and start doing pace laps. Soon enough it's green and the race is on. A few laps in Fabguy blasts by me. So much for taking it easy. Going into turn 2 I see a car off track. I mean he's not a little off the racing surface, he's 150 feet off the corner and just about in the tree line. I wonder what happened there. I am starting to get the hang of the track and pick up some speed. Then I mess up early on and miss the line completely going into turn 9 from 8 and run off the track. I fire the car back up and quickly exit and head to the penalty box.
"what happened?'
"I missed the line and ran out of asphalt and talent all about the same time"
The judge kind of laughs, "keep it on the track" and sends me back out. Youngest has made it to penalty and looks the car over from my adventure in the dirt and grass and gives the go ahead. If you are going to mess up do it right at the entrance to pit road, it really cuts down your time off track!
I run clean the rest of the stint. I tiptoe around the corner I went off but run hard the rest of the track without pushing so hard I get off again. Then Youngest, then Coach. We are having one of the best days we have ever had at the track. Besides my adventure off track no one else has messed up. Our stops are clean and quick. Our times top to bottom are very similar and consistent. Something strange is happening. We are in the top 15 overall and since we managed to get put in B class we are doing very well. Only 50 cars at Hallett this weekend, the smallest Lemons field we have ever competed against.
Fabguy pulls off to go to the gas pumps. We are fueling on pit road but they are going to just fuel at the pumps this race. They aren't planning on winning anything so why go to all the trouble of getting all your gear on and doing hot pit stops? Fabguy comes off a little hot and the officials come over to tell them they were over the ten mph paddock limit. Manyy drives the car up to the penalty and Fabguy comes up and they are told they are good to go. Later Manny gets off the track and goes to penalty. They start in on him not serving the penalty for going too fast in the pits. "we served that penalty" The judge goes off "do you really want to argue about this" Later when they realize the team was right and the previous judge had not marked it off the offenders list before going on break. In a first the judge apologizes to them.
With about two hours left in the day their Miata is towed off. The engine is super hot and will not crank. All signs look bad. Later it cools off and will crank, but cranks with ease, signs of a engine that has lost all compression. Their weekend is done and Fabguy heads out to get a headstart on getting to work early Monday. The rest of us will pull an all nighter after the race Sunday.
I start doing the math and realize it's going to be very tight. We make our calcuations based on a normal 7 hour race day. Today is a 7.5 hour day which is a bit longer than normal when racing Lemons. I figured out the stints and got it wrong. We realize our mistake and run Coach a bit longer before we put in RacerGuy. It's going to come right down to the limit of our fuel mileage. We start planning dinner and cleaning up the paddock with about ten minutes to go when all the sudden we realize the car is not out there. We run to the pumps and find Racerguy there. He ran out and limped the car to the pumps but could not get all the way there. By the time we get the car pushed around to get fuel the race is over for the day. I feel like a total idiot, I could have ran another five minutes easily in the car in the morning and not had this problem.
But the good news is that somehow even after I went off the track and and then we ran out of gas was that we were still very good on the day. We had enough of a lead on the car behind us in Class B that we still had a 7 lap lead even after running out of gas. Even better our paddock mates in the Chrysler are putting a shellacking on Class C as well. Their Magnum wagon is running a Richard Petty scheme, they all have uniforms and the requisite trademark Petty cowboy hat and STP logos, only this time it means "Slow Through Paddock" signs and all. They actually shouted this out when doing the morning driving meeting when they were going over the rules. "STP, Slow through Paddock!" every time the officials discussed that rule in the drivers meeting.
We put everything away, rain is moving in. We are in shock about how well everything is going. Surely we will find a way to loose this race tomorrow. Will other cars be faster in the rain? Will we shoot ourselves in the foot and have poor driving and get multiple black flags? Will something break on the car which has been running great all day long? And who the heck is this Coach guy? All that and more when we wrap up this in the next part of this story. Stay tuned!

There is a severe lack of understanding about this community, including among mental health providers and social workers. Stigma, bias, and misconceptions prevent those who are attracted to minors (but do not offend) from seeking help they may need.
CSA = child sexual abuse
NoMAPs = non-offending, minor attracted people: those who are attracted to children but are committed to not causing harm against them
Many non-offending MAPs do not seek professional support, or may withdraw from support, due to the following reasons:

They are worried that they will be unjustly reported, despite having done nothing wrong (this is based on many cases where professionals misunderstand mandatory reporting laws and report someone to the police just for disclosing their attraction)
They do not want to be judged by the provider (many therapists, social workers, etc. have intensely negative reactions to clients disclosing their attractions and draw inaccurate conclusions about them based on that disclosure)
They do not believe their own goals will be met (providers often make CSA prevention the main focus, even when this is not the client’s stated goal. This treats clients as if they are “ticking time bombs” and is not person-centered)
They do not want to be subjected to attempts to “cure” them of their attractions, or to convert them into teleiophiles, which is shown to be ineffective and harmful

Those in the social work and mental health fields can address common misconceptions about this group, as a way to encourage MAPs to get help when they need it. Greater education and understanding about MAPs increases their well-being while also contributing to the prevention of CSA.
Common questions
Are you saying child sexual abuse is acceptable?
Absolutely not. Causing harm to children in the form of in-person/online sexual contact; CSAM (sometimes referred to as child pornography); grooming; or any other inappropriate behavior is not and will never be acceptable.
Many people who are attracted to minors are vehemently against these forms of harm as well, and do not support ideas such as lowering the age of consent. There are entire communities of minor attracted people who are committed to not harming children.
Isn’t using the term ‘MAPs’ normalizing pedophilia?
Only a minority of the population experiences a primary attraction to children. In this sense, pedophilia and other forms of minor attraction are not “normal”, in the same way that LBGTQ identities are not “normal” by proportion to the general population.
When people refer to normalizing something, they are usually talking about removing the stigma behind it, or acknowledging that it is acceptable.
Having an unchosen, unchangeable attraction to children is not inherently wrong, immoral, predatory, or pathological. It becomes so only when harm is involved. Attraction itself is not a behavior.
Shouldn’t we be protecting children from MAPs?
We should absolutely protect children from abusers, groomers, and predators. These terms are not synonymous with being minor attracted. In fact, research shows that the majority of child sexual abuse cases are carried out by people who do not meet the criteria for pedophilia (see “Sources” section below for reference).
When somebody feels they are at risk for harming a child, they should be able to seek immediate and effective help. Some NoMAPs need temporary or ongoing support in remaining resilient against offending, but this does not represent all or even the majority of NoMAPs. Many in this community have no intention of ever harming a child, and they are not at risk for doing so.
It is also important to note that many MAPs are still children themselves. MAPs tend to become aware of their attractions around the time of puberty or early adolescence. Children who are MAPs deserve the same degree of safety and well-being that other children do.
Why is the term ‘MAP’ even used?
This term has become more widely used for two main reasons:

It emphasizes attraction over action. The word ‘pedophile’ has become so conflated with ‘offender’ in every sector of our society, that most people assume a behavioral component when they hear the word. ‘Minor attracted person’, on the other hand, emphasizes that we are talking about those with an attraction, which includes both those who do and those who do not act on it.

Because there are MAPs who are also offenders, the term ‘Non-offending Minor Attracted Person’ (NoMAP) is useful when we are talking specifically about those who have an attraction but do not act on it.

‘MAP’ is also a more accurate, all-encompassing way to refer to the community as a whole. This includes people with infantophilia, pedophilia, and (ep)hebephilia. It would not make sense, for example, to call someone who is primarily attracted to 15-18 year olds a pedophile.

However, many people do not self-identify with the term ‘MAP’. Some identify as pedophiles, hebephiles, boy lovers, girl lovers, or other terms. Some may use multiple terms to describe themselves. What’s important is that we should honor how each individual person self-identifies their attraction, and not impose a label on them.
Alternatives have also been suggested by those who conduct research with this community, such as ‘child attracted person’ as opposed to ‘minor attracted person’. I use ‘MAP’ here because it is the most widely accepted way to refer to the community as a whole.
What would someone who harms a child be called?
Depending on the context, people who harm children could be called many things—offender, abuser, predator, or groomer, to name a few examples.
Research shows that the majority of child sexual abuse cases are carried out by people who do not meet the criteria for pedophilia. (See “Sources” section below to learn why someone who’s not primarily attracted to children would sexually abuse a child.)
Is pedophilia a mental illness/diagnosis?
It depends. Some MAPs are committed to not offending, are not at risk for offending, and have come to terms with their attraction. These individuals have no reason to be pathologized.
Many others are not at risk for offending, yet they desire professional help for mental health conditions (like depression, anxiety and suicidal ideation) that result from the hatred they receive in our society. These individuals also have no reason to be pathologized, as their mental health conditions result from stigma rather than from the attraction itself.
Some MAPs desire professional help in dealing with the difficult emotions resulting from not being able to have a fulfilling sexual or romantic connection, particularly those who are exclusively attracted to children. (Many MAPs are attracted to both children and adults, and may be in relationships with adults.)
There are also MAPs who desire professional help in remaining resilient against offending. In these cases, and in cases where MAPs do harm children, pedophilia would be considered pathological since there is significant distress and/or harm involved.
Is pedophilia a sexual orientation?
The available research points to pedophilia and other forms of minor attraction being an age-based sexual orientation, in that the attraction is unchosen, typically arises during the time of puberty or early adolescence, and remains fairly constant throughout one’s life.
Are you suggesting that MAPs are part of the LGBTQ+ community?
Age-based orientations are by nature different from gender-based orientations, in that there is no safe or ethical way for an adult to engage sexually or romantically with a child. The experience of MAPs is also vastly different from that of LGBTQ individuals in several ways.
While there are some parallels that can be drawn between studies on stigma among LGBTQ individuals and the experience of stigma among MAPs, these are two separate communities.
Can someone’s attraction to children be changed?
Empirical data, based on qualitative and quantitative studies, points to the fact that pedophilia and other forms of minor attraction cannot be changed or "cured". (See “Sources” section below for reference.)
How many MAPs are there in the world?
Across various studies, the average incidence of minor attraction, meaning those who are primarily attracted to minors, comes out to about 5% of the adult population worldwide. This number is likely an undercount for the following reasons:

Many studies do not account for hebephilia (primary attraction to pubescent children)
There is usually a focus on men, despite the fact that many MAPs are women
Some people choose not to disclose their attractions in the first place

Why should I care about any of this?
Reducing stigma against NoMAPs contributes to a safer society for all, based around empathy and evidence. Many people do not feel safe disclosing their attraction for fear of being unjustly reported, misunderstood, or physically harmed.
Unfortunately, stories of MAPs being rejected by family members, forced out of educational programs, reported to the police, and made to feel like a monster– even in the absence of any harm to a child— are all too common. This prevents many MAPs from seeking or continuing to receive support, which in turn can lead to:

Increased incidence of mental health issues (such as depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation)
More difficulty in refraining from offending (for some MAPs; others are not at risk to begin with)

The misconceptions and harmful attitudes that we have toward non-offending MAPs directly interfere with them receiving the support they may need, decreasing MAPs’ well-being and putting children at greater risk. This includes children who are MAPs themselves.
Where can I learn more?
There are many resources available to learn about MAPs. These include:

If you are minor attracted yourself, you can check out any of the above, plus:

Sources
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19327034/ "There is no evidence to suggest that pedophilia can be changed. Instead, interventions are designed to increase voluntary control over sexual arousal, reduce sex drive, or teach self-management skills to individuals who are motivated to avoid acting upon their sexual interests"
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32086644/ "The results of this study were consistent with the suggestion of Seto (2012) that pedohebephilia could be considered a form of sexual orientation for age, which includes both sexual and romantic attraction"
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8793822/ ..."in line with the current empirical assumption that enduring sexual attractions to children are largely unchangeable (Grundmann et al., 2016; Seto, 2012; for recent debates see Bailey, 2015; Cantor, 2015; Grundmann et al., 2017; Müller et al., 2014; Tozdan & Briken, 2017)"
https://www.csaprimaryprevention.org/supporting-maps.html "The overwhelming opinion in the professional sexual violence prevention community is that helping minor attracted people by offering peeprofessional support is the best way to ensure that minor attracted people do not harm children, and suggest that reducing the stigma against minor attraction will help this endeavor and protect children"
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7145785/ "It may be constructive for professionals working with this population to encourage the 'ownership' of the minor-attracted sexual identity, such as to reduce levels of self-stigmatization and increase self-acceptance. In doing so, we argue that we (as professionals, and as a society) can… ultimately, protect children from sexual harm by improving MAP well-being and agency"
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8888496/ “…less than half of all individuals with child sexual offense convictions meet the clinical criteria for pedophilia (Schmidt et al., 2013; Seto, 2018a)”
https://www.stopitnow.org/faq/is-there-a-typical-profile-of-someone-who-sexually-abuses-children “Some people who abuse children have adult sexual relationships and are not solely, or even mainly, sexually interested in children”
https://www.stopitnow.org/faq/why-would-an-adult-sexually-abuse-a-child “Some adults sexually abuse a child to feel the power and control they don’t feel in their relationships with other adults… Some adults act impulsively when presented with an unexpected opportunity to sexually abuse a child”
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8888496/ “...the more consistent prevalence estimates for minor attraction in a more clinical sense… congregate around 5% (Dombert et al., 2016; Santilla et al., 2010; Wurtele et al., 2014)”

There is a severe lack of understanding about this community, including among mental health providers and social workers. Stigma, bias, and misconceptions prevent those who are attracted to minors (but do not offend) from seeking help they may need.
CSA = child sexual abuse
NoMAPs = non-offending, minor attracted people: those who are attracted to children but are committed to not causing harm against them
Many non-offending MAPs do not seek professional support, or may withdraw from support, due to the following reasons:

They are worried that they will be unjustly reported, despite having done nothing wrong (this is based on many cases where professionals misunderstand mandatory reporting laws and report someone to the police just for disclosing their attraction)
They do not want to be judged by the provider (many therapists, social workers, etc. have intensely negative reactions to clients disclosing their attractions and draw inaccurate conclusions about them based on that disclosure)
They do not believe their own goals will be met (providers often make CSA prevention the main focus, even when this is not the client’s stated goal. This treats clients as if they are “ticking time bombs” and is not person-centered)
They do not want to be subjected to attempts to “cure” them of their attractions, or to convert them into teleiophiles, which is shown to be ineffective and harmful

Those of us in the social work and mental health fields can address common misconceptions about this group, as a way to encourage MAPs to get help when they need it. Greater education and understanding about MAPs increases their well-being while also contributing to the prevention of CSA.
Common questions
Are you saying child sexual abuse is acceptable?
Absolutely not. Causing harm to children in the form of in-person/online sexual contact; CSAM (sometimes referred to as child pornography); grooming; or any other inappropriate behavior is not and will never be acceptable.
Many people who are attracted to minors are vehemently against these forms of harm as well, and do not support ideas such as lowering the age of consent. There are entire communities of minor attracted people who are committed to not harming children.
Isn’t using the term ‘MAPs’ normalizing pedophilia?
Only a minority of the population experiences a primary attraction to children. In this sense, pedophilia and other forms of minor attraction are not “normal”, in the same way that LBGTQ identities are not “normal” by proportion to the general population.
When people refer to normalizing something, they are usually talking about removing the stigma behind it, or acknowledging that it is acceptable.
Having an unchosen, unchangeable attraction to children is not inherently wrong, immoral, predatory, or pathological. It becomes so only when harm is involved. Attraction itself is not a behavior.
Shouldn’t we be protecting children from MAPs?
We should absolutely protect children from abusers, groomers, and predators. These terms are not synonymous with being minor attracted. In fact, research shows that the majority of child sexual abuse cases are carried out by people who do not meet the criteria for pedophilia (see “Sources” section below for reference).
When somebody feels they are at risk for harming a child, they should be able to seek immediate and effective help. Some NoMAPs need temporary or ongoing support in remaining resilient against offending, but this does not represent all or even the majority of NoMAPs. Many in this community have no intention of ever harming a child, and they are not at risk for doing so.
It is also important to note that many MAPs are still children themselves. MAPs tend to become aware of their attractions around the time of puberty or early adolescence. Children who are MAPs deserve the same degree of safety and well-being that other children do.
Why is the term ‘MAP’ even used?
This term has become more widely used for two main reasons:

It emphasizes attraction over action. The word ‘pedophile’ has become so conflated with ‘offender’ in every sector of our society, that most people assume a behavioral component when they hear the word. ‘Minor attracted person’, on the other hand, emphasizes that we are talking about those with an attraction, which includes both those who do and those who do not act on it.

Because there are MAPs who are also offenders, the term ‘Non-offending Minor Attracted Person’ (NoMAP) is useful when we are talking specifically about those who have an attraction but do not act on it.

‘MAP’ is also a more accurate, all-encompassing way to refer to the community as a whole. This includes people with infantophilia, pedophilia, and (ep)hebephilia. It would not make sense, for example, to call someone who is primarily attracted to 15-18 year olds a pedophile.

However, many people do not self-identify with the term ‘MAP’. Some identify as pedophiles, hebephiles, boy lovers, girl lovers, or other terms. Some may use multiple terms to describe themselves. What’s important is that we should honor how each individual person self-identifies their attraction, and not impose a label on them.
Alternatives have also been suggested by those who conduct research with this community, such as ‘child attracted person’ as opposed to ‘minor attracted person’. I use ‘MAP’ here because it is the most widely accepted way to refer to the community as a whole.
What would someone who harms a child be called?
Depending on the context, people who harm children could be called many things—offender, abuser, predator, or groomer, to name a few examples.
Research shows that the majority of child sexual abuse cases are carried out by people who do not meet the criteria for pedophilia. (See “Sources” section below to learn why someone who’s not primarily attracted to children would sexually abuse a child.)
Is pedophilia a mental illness/diagnosis?
It depends. Some MAPs are committed to not offending, are not at risk for offending, and have come to terms with their attraction. These individuals have no reason to be pathologized.
Many others are not at risk for offending, yet they desire professional help for mental health conditions (like depression, anxiety and suicidal ideation) that result from the hatred they receive in our society. These individuals also have no reason to be pathologized, as their mental health conditions result from stigma rather than from the attraction itself.
Some MAPs desire professional help in dealing with the difficult emotions resulting from not being able to have a fulfilling sexual or romantic connection, particularly those who are exclusively attracted to children. (Many MAPs are attracted to both children and adults, and may be in relationships with adults.)
There are also MAPs who desire professional help in remaining resilient against offending. In these cases, and in cases where MAPs do harm children, pedophilia would be considered pathological since there is significant distress and/or harm involved.
Is pedophilia a sexual orientation?
The available research points to pedophilia and other forms of minor attraction being an age-based sexual orientation, in that the attraction is unchosen, typically arises during the time of puberty or early adolescence, and remains fairly constant throughout one’s life.
Are you suggesting that MAPs are part of the LGBTQ+ community?
Age-based orientations are by nature different from gender-based orientations, in that there is no safe or ethical way for an adult to engage sexually or romantically with a child. The experience of MAPs is also vastly different from that of LGBTQ individuals in several ways.
While there are some parallels that can be drawn between studies on stigma among LGBTQ individuals and the experience of stigma among MAPs, these are two separate communities.
Can someone’s attraction to children be changed?
Empirical data, based on qualitative and quantitative studies, points to the fact that pedophilia and other forms of minor attraction cannot be changed or "cured". (See “Sources” section below for reference.)
How many MAPs are there in the world?
Across various studies, the average incidence of minor attraction, meaning those who are primarily attracted to minors, comes out to about 5% of the adult population worldwide. This number is likely an undercount for the following reasons:

Many studies do not account for hebephilia (primary attraction to pubescent children)
There is usually a focus on men, despite the fact that many MAPs are women
Some people choose not to disclose their attractions in the first place

Why should I care about any of this?
Reducing stigma against NoMAPs contributes to a safer society for all, based around empathy and evidence. Many people do not feel safe disclosing their attraction for fear of being unjustly reported, misunderstood, or physically harmed.
Unfortunately, stories of MAPs being rejected by family members, forced out of educational programs, reported to the police, and made to feel like a monster– even in the absence of any harm to a child— are all too common. This prevents many MAPs from seeking or continuing to receive support, which in turn can lead to:

Increased incidence of mental health issues (such as depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation)
More difficulty in refraining from offending (for some MAPs; others are not at risk to begin with)

The misconceptions and harmful attitudes that we have toward non-offending MAPs directly interfere with them receiving the support they may need, decreasing MAPs’ well-being and putting children at greater risk. This includes children who are MAPs themselves.
Where can I learn more?
There are many resources available to learn about MAPs. These include:

If you are minor attracted yourself, you can check out any of the above, plus:

Sources
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19327034/ "There is no evidence to suggest that pedophilia can be changed. Instead, interventions are designed to increase voluntary control over sexual arousal, reduce sex drive, or teach self-management skills to individuals who are motivated to avoid acting upon their sexual interests"
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32086644/ "The results of this study were consistent with the suggestion of Seto (2012) that pedohebephilia could be considered a form of sexual orientation for age, which includes both sexual and romantic attraction"
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8793822/ ..."in line with the current empirical assumption that enduring sexual attractions to children are largely unchangeable (Grundmann et al., 2016; Seto, 2012; for recent debates see Bailey, 2015; Cantor, 2015; Grundmann et al., 2017; Müller et al., 2014; Tozdan & Briken, 2017)"
https://www.csaprimaryprevention.org/supporting-maps.html "The overwhelming opinion in the professional sexual violence prevention community is that helping minor attracted people by offering peeprofessional support is the best way to ensure that minor attracted people do not harm children, and suggest that reducing the stigma against minor attraction will help this endeavor and protect children"
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7145785/ "It may be constructive for professionals working with this population to encourage the 'ownership' of the minor-attracted sexual identity, such as to reduce levels of self-stigmatization and increase self-acceptance. In doing so, we argue that we (as professionals, and as a society) can… ultimately, protect children from sexual harm by improving MAP well-being and agency"
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8888496/ “…less than half of all individuals with child sexual offense convictions meet the clinical criteria for pedophilia (Schmidt et al., 2013; Seto, 2018a)”
https://www.stopitnow.org/faq/is-there-a-typical-profile-of-someone-who-sexually-abuses-children “Some people who abuse children have adult sexual relationships and are not solely, or even mainly, sexually interested in children”
https://www.stopitnow.org/faq/why-would-an-adult-sexually-abuse-a-child “Some adults sexually abuse a child to feel the power and control they don’t feel in their relationships with other adults… Some adults act impulsively when presented with an unexpected opportunity to sexually abuse a child”
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8888496/ “...the more consistent prevalence estimates for minor attraction in a more clinical sense… congregate around 5% (Dombert et al., 2016; Santilla et al., 2010; Wurtele et al., 2014)”

There is a severe lack of understanding about this community, including among mental health providers and social workers. Stigma, bias, and misconceptions prevent those who are attracted to minors (but do not offend) from seeking help they may need.
CSA = child sexual abuse
NoMAPs = non-offending, minor attracted people: those who are attracted to children but are committed to not causing harm against them
Many non-offending MAPs do not seek professional support, or may withdraw from support, due to the following reasons:

They are worried that they will be unjustly reported, despite having done nothing wrong (this is based on many cases where professionals misunderstand mandatory reporting laws and report someone to the police just for disclosing their attraction)
They do not want to be judged by the provider (many therapists, social workers, etc. have intensely negative reactions to clients disclosing their attractions and draw inaccurate conclusions about them based on that disclosure)
They do not believe their own goals will be met (providers often make CSA prevention the main focus, even when this is not the client’s stated goal. This treats clients as if they are “ticking time bombs” and is not person-centered)
They do not want to be subjected to attempts to “cure” them of their attractions, or to convert them into teleiophiles, which is shown to be ineffective and harmful

Those of us in the social work and mental health fields can address common misconceptions about this group, as a way to encourage MAPs to get help when they need it. Greater education and understanding about MAPs increases their well-being while also contributing to the prevention of CSA.
Common questions
Are you saying child sexual abuse is acceptable?
Absolutely not. Causing harm to children in the form of in-person/online sexual contact; CSAM (sometimes referred to as child pornography); grooming; or any other inappropriate behavior is not and will never be acceptable.
Many people who are attracted to minors are vehemently against these forms of harm as well, and do not support ideas such as lowering the age of consent. There are entire communities of minor attracted people who are committed to not harming children.
Isn’t using the term ‘MAPs’ normalizing pedophilia?
Only a minority of the population experiences a primary attraction to children. In this sense, pedophilia and other forms of minor attraction are not “normal”, in the same way that LBGTQ identities are not “normal” by proportion to the general population.
When people refer to normalizing something, they are usually talking about removing the stigma behind it, or acknowledging that it is acceptable.
Having an unchosen, unchangeable attraction to children is not inherently wrong, immoral, predatory, or pathological. It becomes so only when harm is involved. Attraction itself is not a behavior.
Shouldn’t we be protecting children from MAPs?
We should absolutely protect children from abusers, groomers, and predators. These terms are not synonymous with being minor attracted. In fact, research shows that the majority of child sexual abuse cases are carried out by people who do not meet the criteria for pedophilia (see “Sources” section below for reference).
When somebody feels they are at risk for harming a child, they should be able to seek immediate and effective help. Some NoMAPs need temporary or ongoing support in remaining resilient against offending, but this does not represent all or even the majority of NoMAPs. Many in this community have no intention of ever harming a child, and they are not at risk for doing so.
It is also important to note that many MAPs are still children themselves. MAPs tend to become aware of their attractions around the time of puberty or early adolescence. Children who are MAPs deserve the same degree of safety and well-being that other children do.
Why is the term ‘MAP’ even used?
This term has become more widely used for two main reasons:

It emphasizes attraction over action. The word ‘pedophile’ has become so conflated with ‘offender’ in every sector of our society, that most people assume a behavioral component when they hear the word. ‘Minor attracted person’, on the other hand, emphasizes that we are talking about those with an attraction, which includes both those who do and those who do not act on it.

Because there are MAPs who are also offenders, the term ‘Non-offending Minor Attracted Person’ (NoMAP) is useful when we are talking specifically about those who have an attraction but do not act on it.

‘MAP’ is also a more accurate, all-encompassing way to refer to the community as a whole. This includes people with infantophilia, pedophilia, and (ep)hebephilia. It would not make sense, for example, to call someone who is primarily attracted to 15-18 year olds a pedophile.

However, many people do not self-identify with the term ‘MAP’. Some identify as pedophiles, hebephiles, boy lovers, girl lovers, or other terms. Some may use multiple terms to describe themselves. What’s important is that we should honor how each individual person self-identifies their attraction, and not impose a label on them.
Alternatives have also been suggested by those who conduct research with this community, such as ‘child attracted person’ as opposed to ‘minor attracted person’. I use ‘MAP’ here because it is the most widely accepted way to refer to the community as a whole.
What would someone who harms a child be called?
Depending on the context, people who harm children could be called many things—offender, abuser, predator, or groomer, to name a few examples.
Research shows that the majority of child sexual abuse cases are carried out by people who do not meet the criteria for pedophilia. (See “Sources” section below to learn why someone who’s not primarily attracted to children would sexually abuse a child.)
Is pedophilia a mental illness/diagnosis?
It depends. Some MAPs are committed to not offending, are not at risk for offending, and have come to terms with their attraction. These individuals have no reason to be pathologized.
Many others are not at risk for offending, yet they desire professional help for mental health conditions (like depression, anxiety and suicidal ideation) that result from the hatred they receive in our society. These individuals also have no reason to be pathologized, as their mental health conditions result from stigma rather than from the attraction itself.
Some MAPs desire professional help in dealing with the difficult emotions resulting from not being able to have a fulfilling sexual or romantic connection, particularly those who are exclusively attracted to children. (Many MAPs are attracted to both children and adults, and may be in relationships with adults.)
There are also MAPs who desire professional help in remaining resilient against offending. In these cases, and in cases where MAPs do harm children, pedophilia would be considered pathological since there is significant distress and/or harm involved.
Is pedophilia a sexual orientation?
The available research points to pedophilia and other forms of minor attraction being an age-based sexual orientation, in that the attraction is unchosen, typically arises during the time of puberty or early adolescence, and remains fairly constant throughout one’s life.
Are you suggesting that MAPs are part of the LGBTQ+ community?
Age-based orientations are by nature different from gender-based orientations, in that there is no safe or ethical way for an adult to engage sexually or romantically with a child. The experience of MAPs is also vastly different from that of LGBTQ individuals in several ways.
While there are some parallels that can be drawn between studies on stigma among LGBTQ individuals and the experience of stigma among MAPs, these are two separate communities.
Can someone’s attraction to children be changed?
Empirical data, based on qualitative and quantitative studies, points to the fact that pedophilia and other forms of minor attraction cannot be changed or "cured". (See “Sources” section below for reference.)
How many MAPs are there in the world?
Across various studies, the average incidence of minor attraction, meaning those who are primarily attracted to minors, comes out to about 5% of the adult population worldwide. This number is likely an undercount for the following reasons:

Many studies do not account for hebephilia (primary attraction to pubescent children)
There is usually a focus on men, despite the fact that many MAPs are women
Some people choose not to disclose their attractions in the first place

Why should I care about any of this?
Reducing stigma against NoMAPs contributes to a safer society for all, based around empathy and evidence. Many people do not feel safe disclosing their attraction for fear of being unjustly reported, misunderstood, or physically harmed.
Unfortunately, stories of MAPs being rejected by family members, forced out of educational programs, reported to the police, and made to feel like a monster– even in the absence of any harm to a child— are all too common. This prevents many MAPs from seeking or continuing to receive support, which in turn can lead to:

Increased incidence of mental health issues (such as depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation)
More difficulty in refraining from offending (for some MAPs; others are not at risk to begin with)

The misconceptions and harmful attitudes that we have toward non-offending MAPs directly interfere with them receiving the support they may need, decreasing MAPs’ well-being and putting children at greater risk. This includes children who are MAPs themselves.
Where can I learn more?
There are many resources available to learn about MAPs. These include:

If you are minor attracted yourself, you can check out any of the above, plus:

Sources
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19327034/ "There is no evidence to suggest that pedophilia can be changed. Instead, interventions are designed to increase voluntary control over sexual arousal, reduce sex drive, or teach self-management skills to individuals who are motivated to avoid acting upon their sexual interests"
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32086644/ "The results of this study were consistent with the suggestion of Seto (2012) that pedohebephilia could be considered a form of sexual orientation for age, which includes both sexual and romantic attraction"
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8793822/ ..."in line with the current empirical assumption that enduring sexual attractions to children are largely unchangeable (Grundmann et al., 2016; Seto, 2012; for recent debates see Bailey, 2015; Cantor, 2015; Grundmann et al., 2017; Müller et al., 2014; Tozdan & Briken, 2017)"
https://www.csaprimaryprevention.org/supporting-maps.html "The overwhelming opinion in the professional sexual violence prevention community is that helping minor attracted people by offering peeprofessional support is the best way to ensure that minor attracted people do not harm children, and suggest that reducing the stigma against minor attraction will help this endeavor and protect children"
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7145785/ "It may be constructive for professionals working with this population to encourage the 'ownership' of the minor-attracted sexual identity, such as to reduce levels of self-stigmatization and increase self-acceptance. In doing so, we argue that we (as professionals, and as a society) can… ultimately, protect children from sexual harm by improving MAP well-being and agency"
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8888496/ “…less than half of all individuals with child sexual offense convictions meet the clinical criteria for pedophilia (Schmidt et al., 2013; Seto, 2018a)”
https://www.stopitnow.org/faq/is-there-a-typical-profile-of-someone-who-sexually-abuses-children “Some people who abuse children have adult sexual relationships and are not solely, or even mainly, sexually interested in children”
https://www.stopitnow.org/faq/why-would-an-adult-sexually-abuse-a-child “Some adults sexually abuse a child to feel the power and control they don’t feel in their relationships with other adults… Some adults act impulsively when presented with an unexpected opportunity to sexually abuse a child”
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8888496/ “...the more consistent prevalence estimates for minor attraction in a more clinical sense… congregate around 5% (Dombert et al., 2016; Santilla et al., 2010; Wurtele et al., 2014)”

Are wa tenshi no koe!

"Library — Abandoned Factory — Beginning of the World"

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SMSmith woke up and chose to shit on Kana!

So I’m a big dummy and thought Kana was a guy this whole ass episode until “she” was mentioned in the subs haha. Anyways, crows can remember faces and Kana is most definitely on their shitlist with all that broom swatting.

Zadcap has a pretty neat world building solution for why anyone would hire a useless shitter like Kana~

But you see, there's only a few places the Haibane can work, and they get nice benefits for employing the winged girls. Between what we learned yesterday about only the oldest bakery being one the Haibane can work at, and the little clock shop being part of the actual clock tower of the town, I have a feeling the old man lives more on what the town pays him to take care of the tower and the girls than actual clock sales.

QotD

Have you got a favourite creation myth? Did you expect the episode on the sleepy librarian to explore the world's origin?
Do you have a favourite children's book? I'm willing to accept manga if it's applicable!
How do you say "goodbye" to people? Do you wave? Hug? Do you use the same phrase for everyone? What makes your "goodbye" unique to you?
This is kind of in line with what I wanted from today's Abyssbringer Prompt but if you've written something different for that, please try to elaborate on your thoughts towards Rakka and Nemu's creation myth? Is this a happy interpretation of God's "mistakes" or do you see it in another way? I'm wording this weird but there's a few less QotD so let yourself go more in depth with these ones!

Abyssbringer's "What is the thematic purpose of this scene corner!!"

Vatrix-32 wins the weird ojisan wisdom corner. Remember when Abyssbringer prompts used to actually have good and weird and fun images I could use?

Perspective may allow you to know yourself better, but seeing your own limits still doesn’t mean you can go beyond them.

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If you strain your ears, you can probably hear it.

Hi guys,
I dont want to make this long, but I've gotten a dream office job.
Prior to this I was working nights with little interaction and also had office work here and there.
The thing is, I am very socially awkward. I've been socially awkward my whole life, so this is very deeply ingrained into me. I cannot get therapy where I'm from, so I've tried all the self help tips and beliefs, but nothing works. I've tried to look into myself, I hide alot of my true self from people, which means I lack honesty.
At work, I work with normal healthy people, they engage in conversation, sometimes when I meet co-workers I have nothing in common with I don't acknowledge and nervously start touching me face. Whenever someone is speaking to me or I speak in a group I start stuttering and my brain starts freezing. I have a constant fear I'm being judged, and I don't know why this effects me.
I'm 25, it sounds ridiculous as I'm an adult now but I still feel like I'm stuck in the olden days.

I usually don't post much (I comment here a bunch) but I can't get the sight of a dead woman right at the PSU Streetcar stop this morning (around 7:50 AM by my arrival there). I was on my way into work and it was the most surreal thing. I feel SUPER grossed out and deeply sad.
I didn't really react to it but the image of this homeless drug addict dead from a fent overdose is stuck in my mind. And what can you say to that? It's not OK, it's not normal.
We deserve SO much in terms of safety and liveability. When did we throw in the towel on this town?
I don't hate the homeless mind you. I absolutely *hate* (with a passion) those people who make excuses and say it's OK to let these people mire themselves. This sort of 'live and let live' thinking works when we don't have thousands of entitled drug addicts descending en masse from other states to indulge in the literal worst.
We don't have to put up with this BS. And you bet I sent PBOT and the JVP very strongly worded emails faulting them for their failure to do their basic due diligence.
Don't let people do this to Portland anymore. I'm tired of this slow burn accelerationism taking this city apart by the seams.
On behalf of every single commuter who had to see a fucking dead body, to every single bleeding-heart quirky glasses social worker with trauma-informed everything, please go away and give us back our town.

Saying goodbye to retiring co worker

For the problems we all have at work.

"Library — Abandoned Factory — Beginning of the World"

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Abyssbringer's "What is the thematic purpose of this scene corner!!"

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