Homemade knockout gas
Gut and microbiome health and research.
2016.09.28 21:06 imcomparing Gut and microbiome health and research.
Gut and microbiome health and research with a focus on practicality and applicability. Like /fitness for your gut.
2024.05.20 22:18 ithinkineedglassess Post Surgery Recovery and Food
33F - 200lb - 5'6". Long time lurker here. I recently had back surgery after being in pain for nearly a year and a half. I'm finally on a path forward on my weight loss journey as I've gained nearly 20-30lbs since my initial injury in fall of 2022. I had also gained some weight during Covid. I was in the 160s before that and hope to get back to that weight and get back to weight training once my doctor clears me. I was an athlete growing up and being so sedentary and at this weight has been emotionally and mentally exhausting and perhaps bordering body dysmorphia.
I want to preface this with the fact that I am still home recovering so I can eat whenever I want and I realize others don't have that luxury. I always feel better on days off and I think the stress of my job has contributed to high cortisol and weight gain on top of bad habits. I am a teacher but had to take medical leave up until summer starts. I am finally able to walk and I have very little pain anymore since the surgery. My injury was debilitating and I would come home and be a couch potato for the past year. Post surgery I am also trying to do more around the house especially trying to set up my kitchen and fridge so I can form better habits since I cant go to the gym yet. Im so happy to finally have my body working again so I can begin my weight loss journey unobstructed.
I decided to make my own "charcuterie" because its more cost efficient. I cut up blocks of my favorite cheese (havarti) and meat (salami) based on the serving size on the packaging. It may not be the best option but it's what I like. I put it into one giant Tupperware so it's not taking up space with multiple Tupperware in my fridge or adding more dishes and me and by spouse can pick at it for the week. I do two blocks of cheese and 2 large packages of salami or this week I added pepperoni.
Strawberries are looking great right now so I've washed and cut up those into another large Tupperware. I clean them with baking soda and water and wow they taste so much better! I also cut up a whole cantaloupe rather than buy it pre cut and I find it tastes way better and you get way more volume for cheaper! I really don't like watermelon except for at the occasion bbq and I find cantaloupe holds up better for longer. I know a lot of people push Watermelon and I'm just not about it.
I'm also trying to stick to foods I actually like not just because they are healthy or low calorie so I can stay on track. And it's easier to just replace something with a new food if I'm getting bored and keep everything else consistent rather than buying a bunch of stuff I'm not sure I would like or am trying to force myself to eat even though it doesnt truly spark joy and waste food. Last week I didn't deviate and I enjoyed these snacks the same all week.
I use 1 half cup sized ramekins for fruit and 1 for my meats and cheese and throw in one serving of rosemary crackers and I have a nice balanced snack that holds me over for at least 2 or 3 hours. I also have a bag of carrots and ranch if I'm wanting something else.
When I was working of course I was moving a lot more so I was always hungry every hour but I was drinking smoothies for breakfast and my snacks were usually a handful of almonds. I now see why protein is so important for snacks as well for breakfast.
For breakfast I'm having 2-3 eggs scrambled with some morroccan red pepper sauce and Feta cheese and homemade bread slices from my local grocer and a ramekin of fruit. Holds me over for about 4 or 5 hours. Or when I'm ready for a snack.
For dinner last week I made a 3.5 lb boston butt in the crock pot for 10 hours on low and I measure out portions when it's time for dinner and cook it on the stove top with my favorite BBQ sauce and a shake of pork rub and crisp up some corn tacos on my gas stove top. I also made an Asian slaw although it's so good it didn't last long so last night I made pulled pork nachos with what was leftover with the pork, shredded cheese and lots of chopped bell peppers and onions. I also made homemade Guacamole. I love the Xochitl chips they are thin and crunchy!
I haven't started measuring food yet just trying to set myself up week 1 figuring out what I like and only eating 2 large meals and a snack plus lots of lacroix and occasionally a mini diet coke. Always coffee in the morning with a splash of Oat milk.
I haven't started weighing myself because of surgery and want to give myself some grace and just focus on the foods I'm consuming. I would like to start CICO but with my ADHD I find it hard to maintain that every day and when adding new foods. I would rather try and do intuitive eating and limit alcohol. Does anyone have any experience with intuitive eating? I did measure some things but mostly by eye or I'll use a measuring cup for rice. I just know CICO doesn't work for me because of my attention span and it causes me more stress. Maybe I have to do that and if so then I need to get over it and figure out a routine with measuring and weighing. Any tips or tricks for intuitive eating are very welcome!
I also deleted my food delivery apps and trying not to eat out more than once or twice a month. I prefer cooking for myself and I know that will help me keep good eating habits. Also to save money.
Not really sure why I'm posting other than to start holding myself accountable and to see what others have to say! Hope yall are having a great day / start to your week!
submitted by ithinkineedglassess to loseit [link] [comments]
I want to preface this with the fact that I am still home recovering so I can eat whenever I want and I realize others don't have that luxury. I always feel better on days off and I think the stress of my job has contributed to high cortisol and weight gain on top of bad habits. I am a teacher but had to take medical leave up until summer starts. I am finally able to walk and I have very little pain anymore since the surgery. My injury was debilitating and I would come home and be a couch potato for the past year. Post surgery I am also trying to do more around the house especially trying to set up my kitchen and fridge so I can form better habits since I cant go to the gym yet. Im so happy to finally have my body working again so I can begin my weight loss journey unobstructed.
I decided to make my own "charcuterie" because its more cost efficient. I cut up blocks of my favorite cheese (havarti) and meat (salami) based on the serving size on the packaging. It may not be the best option but it's what I like. I put it into one giant Tupperware so it's not taking up space with multiple Tupperware in my fridge or adding more dishes and me and by spouse can pick at it for the week. I do two blocks of cheese and 2 large packages of salami or this week I added pepperoni.
Strawberries are looking great right now so I've washed and cut up those into another large Tupperware. I clean them with baking soda and water and wow they taste so much better! I also cut up a whole cantaloupe rather than buy it pre cut and I find it tastes way better and you get way more volume for cheaper! I really don't like watermelon except for at the occasion bbq and I find cantaloupe holds up better for longer. I know a lot of people push Watermelon and I'm just not about it.
I'm also trying to stick to foods I actually like not just because they are healthy or low calorie so I can stay on track. And it's easier to just replace something with a new food if I'm getting bored and keep everything else consistent rather than buying a bunch of stuff I'm not sure I would like or am trying to force myself to eat even though it doesnt truly spark joy and waste food. Last week I didn't deviate and I enjoyed these snacks the same all week.
I use 1 half cup sized ramekins for fruit and 1 for my meats and cheese and throw in one serving of rosemary crackers and I have a nice balanced snack that holds me over for at least 2 or 3 hours. I also have a bag of carrots and ranch if I'm wanting something else.
When I was working of course I was moving a lot more so I was always hungry every hour but I was drinking smoothies for breakfast and my snacks were usually a handful of almonds. I now see why protein is so important for snacks as well for breakfast.
For breakfast I'm having 2-3 eggs scrambled with some morroccan red pepper sauce and Feta cheese and homemade bread slices from my local grocer and a ramekin of fruit. Holds me over for about 4 or 5 hours. Or when I'm ready for a snack.
For dinner last week I made a 3.5 lb boston butt in the crock pot for 10 hours on low and I measure out portions when it's time for dinner and cook it on the stove top with my favorite BBQ sauce and a shake of pork rub and crisp up some corn tacos on my gas stove top. I also made an Asian slaw although it's so good it didn't last long so last night I made pulled pork nachos with what was leftover with the pork, shredded cheese and lots of chopped bell peppers and onions. I also made homemade Guacamole. I love the Xochitl chips they are thin and crunchy!
I haven't started measuring food yet just trying to set myself up week 1 figuring out what I like and only eating 2 large meals and a snack plus lots of lacroix and occasionally a mini diet coke. Always coffee in the morning with a splash of Oat milk.
I haven't started weighing myself because of surgery and want to give myself some grace and just focus on the foods I'm consuming. I would like to start CICO but with my ADHD I find it hard to maintain that every day and when adding new foods. I would rather try and do intuitive eating and limit alcohol. Does anyone have any experience with intuitive eating? I did measure some things but mostly by eye or I'll use a measuring cup for rice. I just know CICO doesn't work for me because of my attention span and it causes me more stress. Maybe I have to do that and if so then I need to get over it and figure out a routine with measuring and weighing. Any tips or tricks for intuitive eating are very welcome!
I also deleted my food delivery apps and trying not to eat out more than once or twice a month. I prefer cooking for myself and I know that will help me keep good eating habits. Also to save money.
Not really sure why I'm posting other than to start holding myself accountable and to see what others have to say! Hope yall are having a great day / start to your week!
2024.05.20 20:17 walaxometrobixinodri Sometimes a Witch is a reason to write an AMAZING backstory
 | Wrote a Backstory and Personality for the Magical Girl that would become one of the Witches i made submitted by walaxometrobixinodri to MadokaMagica [link] [comments] Usually people do OC's the other way, girl then witch but i made a ton of witches already so why not giving them backstories now ? + i had an amazing inspiration probably long too . anyway The name's Aria Ronchieri, an Italian (origin kinda important) Scientific. Increased knowledge in Biology, Chemistry, Physics Probably in her twenties, or not far (age actually relevant to the scenario) . From the beginning very intrigued by Kyuubey and all the supernatural, immediately asks him many questions: learn entropy, witches, magical girls, their true nature, their destiny. The Witches piqued her curiosity enormously, both by their very concept and by their transgression of Lavoisier’s law. The creation of energy is a most absurd concept and difficult to accept as a scientist, but the facts are there and from a pragmatic point of view the plan is the best thing to do to preserve the universe. . Decides to make the contract. Her wish: “I wish to be able to carry out any research I undertake, find all the answers to the questions I would ask myself, no matter the question, no matter the path, no matter the obstacles.” (Can you feel the moment when it’s gonna backfire really fucking bad ???) . This Vow helps her greatly in her studies and research, and she does not fear her confrontations with the Witches, just waiting impatiently. Each Witch is a magnificent subject of study, a gold mine of research and answers. This helps her keep his Soul Gem relatively clear, and never sink into despair. She grow up and finished her studies, entering research. Her magical girl costume is a lab coat, with protective glasses. She fights with a whole bunch of lab junk, syringes, vials of liquids and stuff. Homemade bombs. Things like that. Not specifically strong but very diverse, able to work in all situations. It also includes a notebook, in which detailed scientific analyses of each Witch are recorded. . She is not part of a specific group of magical girls, preferring to help anyone who comes in the moment. She makes herself a reputation of reliable all-domains helper, that can offer support in any situation. The fact that she is much older than her comrades also gives her the status of an elder or veteran, strategist and source of information. Some Magical Girls find her really strange, However. Too eager to interact with the Witches, occasionally stops fighting them and does stuff with??? Observes them, experiment with them, note in her notebook in the middle of battle. Once she stopped a girl from killing the witch because she had, I quote, «not finished her observations», which somewhat ruined her relations with this group. The few comrades who entered Aria’s house saw the wall covered with drawings: the sketches of each witch she encountered in her life, accompanied by notes and analyses. Dozens and dozens of drawings, lined up, stacked, all logged information, all archived analysis. No one but Aria was satisfied with this vision. . Some slight problems, however, related to her wish. Her wish to have the answers to all the questions she will ask. ALL the Questions. When you’re a scientist, you can’t help but have some disturbing questions from time to time. Said disturbing questions will be answered here. But not just "hop there I know the answer when I ask myself the question". NO, no, the wish was clear: the answer is obtained after research and experiments. . Can a witch feel pain? A witch is tortured and notes her reactions. The answer is Yes. . Is Kyubey edible? We shoot a Kyubey, we cook it. Test of taste, nutrition. The answer is No. . Is my Magical Girl artificial body resistant? Can I no longer feel pain?? Extreme self-harm, organ harvesting, auto-vivisection. The answer is yes. . And the worst question. What will my comrades' witches look like?????? Without knowing it, she doomed all the Magical Girl comrades she met in her life to become Witches (yes I know it was their destiny but you can still die instead of becoming a Witch. There because of her wish you will not even die, no matter what happens to you you WILL become a witch one day. you cannot avoid Despair.) Even worse, Aria also wonders what HER WITCH will look like. She has denied herself the escape from death, and she has doomed herself to fall into despair one day or another, inevitably. . All these questions and their answers not always really wanted influence nevertheless her mental state, and darken little by little her Soul Gem. To remedy this, Aria tries to interact less and less with her classmates Magical Girls, as well as distilling her own homemade Vodka. Because you ask yourself less serious questions when you are drunk. This alcoholism greatly degraded her social relations as well as the quality of her research. The only thing that has not been degraded is her love for witches and the assiduity of observations on them. Looking over and over at this wall full of drawings and analyses is the last thing that keeps Aria’s Soul Gem clear. . . Until the fateful day when the worst question is asked. “If when I take the Soul Gem away from a girl, her body dies. Because the soul is in the Gem. If I let the body decompose and then bring the gem back, does the soul return to the decomposing body? Can she still move? Can she feel the pain or her broken organs?????” . A question that physically cannot go unanswered. She MUST search, find the answer. But she absolutely must not. It would be murder, pure and simple. And in the event that the subject survives, torture infinitely worse than death. . But the wish is stronger than reason. It is only after weeks of mental torture, ethyl comas and moral reflections that the scientist finds herself forced to commit the worst crime of her life. . She spots a lonely Magical Girl comrade, whom few people know and whose disappearance will not alert anyone. Quickly, she subdues it, immobilizes it, and takes away the Soul Gem. Soul Gem is stored in the Lab locker. The Corpse is stored in the basement of her home, fortunately in a countryside far from other buildings. . In Two Days, flies begin to flood the body. . In five days the smell becomes pestilential. The belly swells due to gas. . Within a week the traces of decomposition are visible on the body. The skin begins to pierce, revealing the flesh. . In two weeks, half the organs were broken down. An eye is missing, the digestive system is a greenish goo, the muscles are dotted with holes and oozing wounds. . A perfect time to witness the most atrocious thing of her life. . Go back to the lab. Grab the Soul Gem. come back to the corpse . . . The Answer to the question… Is Yes. . The girl’s soul has returned to her body. Her only eye is immediately fill with unspeakable terror. She tries to scream with her non-existent vocal cords. No sound comes out. She tries to get up but the muscles are not in good enough shape. The muscles contract in vain what little matter they have left. The body does not move. . The scientist is shot. Riddled with unprecedented guilt. She committed an unforgivable crime. Her own Soul Gem begins to darken. . The girl’s Soul Gem also darkens, much faster. Being in a body in such a state of decomposition must be unbearable. . She cracks. Aria witness the birth of a witch for the first time. She does not fight it. She doesn’t even want to see her. . Despite his attempts to stabilize himself and his alcohol, the guilt is too strong. Four days later, the scientist also cracks, and becomes Farascheina Lumière, Witch of Curiosity. . And so Aria Ronchieri’s last question is answered: «What will my own witch look like» AND IT LOOKS LIKE THIS, BABY !!!! 150 meters high, the greatest witch ever seen I made calculations, don't worry. The Lighthouse is 40m tall, if we use it to measure the rest of the body we have something near 150m. margin of error of 20m i'd say (Will however be dethroned by Eleonora and her few kilometers long. I do not know if the Madoka's witch who is the size of the earth also counts.) . Her Nature is wonder. Farascheina Lumière travels the world and observes every detail, illuminating every corner of reality with her brilliant light. This same light is the main threat to the witch’s opponents, altering reality itself, revealing unknown dimensions and universes. A person caught in the light could find herself made of papier mache, or become abstract art. The effects are temporary, lasting a few seconds, but no less unpleasant and violent. Who knows what will happen to you if you become a swarm of butterflies or an allegory of yourself. The other main threats are the fact that the witch is FUCKING HUGE OH MY GOD how do you even kill something that big ????? And also standing in the middle of an ocean so good luck swimming if you fall in the water. . Her Familiar is the Boat Cristobal, the discoverer. Huge ship with ornate hull and multiple masts, He navigates the world and directs his mistress to new discoveries, attracting her light and attention. Cristobal is just as much the boat as the captain of the crew: a crew of stick men constantly busy themselves, taking care of the boat or of what is the next destination is, led by the captain in colored military uniform holding the helm. . The labyrinth of Farascheina Lumière being a huge stormy ocean, each Magical Girl who enters it finds herself on a boat. The appearance of the boat depends on the girl who enters. All these boats are also familiar to Farascheina Lumière, but none is as big or splendid as Cristobal. |
2024.05.20 17:48 reesespieces2021 I am 33 years old, make $114,900, live in Northern Connecticut, and spent $112 on dog grooming this week!
FYI This will be a very mundane money diary. I am a homebody and pretty low key. I’m not trying to change my spending habits too much but I do try to be mindful of what I spend.
Section One: Assets and Debt
Retirement Balance: $202,167 (181,807 in 401k, 1,587 in Roth, 18,773 in brokerage). I started investing in my 401k as soon as I started at my company in 2012 - I had no idea what I was doing and only put in 3% since I was only making 38k, every year or so as I have made more money I have upped my contribution, currently at 13%.
Equity if you're a homeowner: I currently have about $125k in equity in a condo, I bought in June 2020 so low rates and prices were still low. I put 35k down, and saved for it by living with each of my parents after college while I paid off my student loans.
Savings account balance: $13,294.78
Checking account balance: $8,384.80
Credit card debt: $0 - I pay in full every month.
Student loan debt: $0 paid it off in about 3 years, I got my BA in Communications, and the company I work for paid for the majority of my MBA and I paid out of pocket for the rest.
Section Two: Income
Income Progression: I've been working at my company since 2012 and have held a bunch of different roles. I started at $38,000 and worked my way up to $114,900. I have mostly worked in operations, a little in tech, and most recently took on a role in product at the end of 2023.
Main Job Monthly Take Home: $4713
Deductions (Monthly Totals):
Retirement: Total: $1149 broken down: 401k: $619; Roth 401k: $530 (both of these are company sponsored and I get a 5% match for the traditional 401k)
Social Security: $516
Federal Taxes: $1218
State Taxes: $582
PTO Purchase: $191 (I buy extra time off and can use it at the end of the year or cash it out, it’s basically a christmas fund since I usually cash it out and it pays out right before the holidays)
Health Insurance: $238
Dental: $13
FSA: $50 This is my first year utilizing an FSA and I did it to buy and Oura ring, I’ll probably cancel it for next year
Side Gig Monthly Take Home: $70 (lol) at the end of 2023 I started a life coaching business after working on my certification in the summer. It’s been a slow start but it’s more about doing something fulfilling than it is about making money (for now).
Any Other Monthly Income Here: N/A
Section Three: Expenses
Rent / Mortgage / HOA fees: Mortgage: $1265, this will likely go up this year since they re-evaluated properties last year. HOA is $375/month
Renters / home insurance: it’s in escrow so I have no idea - I get an email once a year and file it away, if it seems high I reach out to my agent
Savings contribution: $100
Investment contribution: $50 into IRA, I’ll be reevaluating soon and adding a monthly sum to my brokerage as well
Debt payments: N/A
Electric: $60-200 depending on the season, last month was $64, August last year was $174
Propane: $100-500 Nov-Apr (used for heat, stove, and water, the April fill lasts until late fall)
Wifi/Cable/Landline: Internet is $51
Cellphone: $45
Subscriptions: Netflix $17, Hulu/Disney/Max $45, Apple $3, Oura Ring $7
Gym membership: I have a home gym for weightlifting and pay $80 for a year of programming, and pay $47/month for my peloton membership
Pet expenses: $181 every 5 weeks for dog daycare, $36 for food (Costco!), and probably $50 for misc things
Car payment / insurance: $387 for my car - recently refinanced and saved $60/month. I’ll still make the $450 payment to pay it off sooner. Insurance is $496 for the next 6 months
Regular therapy: $80/month for 2 appts covered by insurance, this is my copay, and $90/month for maintenance physical therapy
Paid hobbies: does Kindle Unlimited count? I paid for 2 years up front so it’s like $8/month, other hobbies are hiking and traveling, so those are more ad hoc expenses
Day One Monday
7:15am I finally wake up, I tried to wake up earlier but my body and brain just weren’t ready. I get up, get dressed in leggings, tank top, and a sweatshirt, and head down stairs to take my pup R for a walk.
8:00am I make my coffee, toast a bagel, and cut up some strawberries. Then I log onto my work laptop. Not a ton of emails from the weekend which is a plus, and the morning is light on meetings which is AMAZING. I was on vacation 2 weeks ago and I still feel behind so I want to take advantage of the “free time” and get some work tasks done. I do have one meeting at 11:30am but I should be more of an observer.
12:00pm I have therapy during lunch. It’s done online, and I love my therapist. We started working together to help with some food issues I had but now we focus a lot of my childhood trauma and my relationship with my mom.
1:00pm Back to work, but first I heat up some leftover pizza and make ⅓ of a salad bag kit thing for food. I have until 2pm before I have to be in a meeting so I get a little more work done.
4:30pm Meetings wrapped up at 4pm but I linger online for another 30 mins to tie everything up. I head out to take R for her evening walk, then pop into my basement gym for a work out.
6:30pm I am showered, make dinner (asian style meatballs, rice, and snap peas with some teriyaki sauce) and I am ready to sink into my couch. I realized that I can’t renew one of my library books and it’s due Wednesday so my big plan is to read. A lot.
9:30pm I need to go to bed. I pack my food for the office for tomorrow, brush my teeth, take my meds, and let R out one last time and head up to bed. I listen to Ologies (an awesome podcast) to wind down and go to bed a little after 10pm.
Daily total: $0
Day Two Tuesday
5:25am My alarm went off at 5am but I just could not do that. So I snooze until 5:25 and get up, put on leggings and a sports bra, let me pup out, eat a few bites of banana and then head up to do a 20 min peloton ride (Leanne Pop Ride). I finish right around 6am and then get ready for work.
7:00am Out the door! The pup, who is 3 btw so not actually a puppy, goes to doggy daycare today so my commute will take closer to an hour. I get work a few minutes after 8am, toast my bagel and begin going through emails.
12:30pm I am starving. I had to be in person at a company town hall from 11am-12pm and when I got back to my floor the kitchen was super busy so I couldn’t heat up food. I finally do and it’s an ok Factor meal - I’m trying them out to help make work days easier. I also snack on cheetos and some almonds. I should not go 4 hours without eating.
4:30pm After an afternoon full of meetings, including a lovely 1:1 with an old manager, I am off to pick up R from doggy daycare (I buy her daycare days in a package so this is prepaid), but first I pay for parking. $12
5:30pm I take myself for a quick walk while listening to IWT. I’m totally addicted to hearing about other people’s finances. I find money psychology fascinating and have been working on mine a lot for the last couple of years.
6:00pm I put on comfy clothes, wash my face, and heat up leftovers from last night for dinner then settle in for another night of marathon reading. I got through 181 pages yesterday and I make it to 375 (PS. book is The Women by Kristin Hannah - it’s really good but also heartbreaking).
9:30pm It’s bed time again. I brush my teeth, let R out, and head upstairs for bed. I continue listening to Ologies (the episode on bears!) and lights out at 10ish.
Daily total: $12
Day Three Wednesday
6:00am I force myself to wake up for another office day and I am exhausted. I manage to get up, let R out (we usually walk before I leave but it’s raining), and get ready - the office is “dress for your day” so I wear jeans and a black long sleeve shirt with my Rothys. I leave my hair in its wild natural state, throw on some SuperGoop glow screen, a little blush, and lash princess mascara. I leave a few minutes after 7am and get to work at 7:30.
8:00am I have an impromptu working session with my boss, which is really helpful as I prep for a big product launch. I eat the yogurt I planned to eat yesterday as a snack for breakfast with the coffee I made at home. The rest of the morning is filled with meetings.
10:30am I take a quick break and do some online shopping. I gained some weight during covid and I have been slowly building up my new bigger wardrobe so I place an order with old navy for 3 work tank tops, a jean jacket, a pair of cargo joggers, and a work out tank top for $94 - I apparently have enough points for $10 off.
12:00pm After a busy morning, I leave the office to work from home for the afternoon. I pay for parking ($12). I have a quick lunch using a Caesar salad kit and some chicken, and then dive back into meetings.
4:15pm I wrap up work and walk R. By 5pm I sit on the couch, determined to finish this book - because it’s due today, so I have to return it before the library closes at 8pm… I also get a notification that another book is ready to be picked up, so I grab that.
7:00pm BOOK IS DONE! The library is close by so I quickly drop it off, come home, eat and then waste away in front of the TV until 9:30ish when I do my usual night time routine.
Daily total: $106
Day Four Thursday
6:00am My alarm goes off and I am cranky but force myself up. I am not a morning person but I want to get in a peloton ride and this is my only time today. I throw on leggings and a tshirt and walk R. I am on the peloton by 6:45am and do a 30 min Disney Ride with Leanne - I’m apparently on a Leanne kick.
7:30am Quick shower and get dressed in athleisure for the day. I log onto my laptop right around 8am.
12:30pm I have survived another morning of meetings and finally have a break for lunch. I make a quick salad and add some chicken and enjoy this 30 minutes of not being in a meeting.
4:00pm Done with work for the day, I snuck in a walk with R at 2pm. Now we’re off to a former coworker's house for an Italian feast. A group of us get together monthly for happy hours, but P offered to show us her amazing culinary skills so I grab a bottle of red wine from my collection and hit the road.
8:45pm Home after an amazing dinner that included homemade pasta, eggplant and chicken parm, meatballs, and red wine. I don’t drink often so I have a feeling tomorrow will be rough - not necessarily hungover but a little extra tired. I go up to bed at 10pm and fall asleep around 10:30pm.
Daily total: $0
Day Five Friday
7:15am I let myself sleep in a little for a work day. I get up and take R for a walk. I begin work right around 8am. I have meetings all morning (you’ve probably noticed a trend here, I work with a lot of people that are in India and our time only overlaps before 11am) but I block my Friday afternoons to get work done and I am very much looking forward to not having meetings.
12pm I use lunchtime to bring R to the groomers. R is a standard poodle so she goes every 6 weeks and she’s looking a little scruffy. I also stop at Costco for gas ($53.78). I had to schedule a meeting at 1:30pm 🙁 so I make sure I am back with plenty of time to eat lunch before the meeting.
3:30pm I wrap up work early since I have to work Sunday morning. I fit in a quick work out before I go to get R from the groomers and pay for it ($112.10 with tip for a full groom and teeth brushing).
5:30pm Home and time for a Peloton ride. I do 30 minutes, then shower, eat, and take care of R.
8:00pm I finally get to start season 3 of Bridgerton. I only watch 1 episode because I am exhausted. After that I put on an episode of Brooklyn 99 and by 9:45pm I am heading up bed (wild Friday night, I know).
Daily total: $165.88
Day Six Saturday
8:00am I woke up earlier with a killer sinus headache, thanks pollen, but was able to sleep longer and I feel a little better. I get up and let R out, take some ibuprofen with my lexapro, make my coffee and a bagel and head to the couch to relax for a little bit.
11:15am I have a 4th birthday party and a going away party today so I leave to drop my pup off my dad while I’m at the 4th birthday, because his house is on the way and our dogs are besties and love to be together. I stop and grab a card, they asked for no gifts so I honor that ($4.59). I get to the party around 12:30pm (it’s about 30 minutes from my dad’s, but we chatted for a few minutes before I left for the party).
4:00pm People are starting to leave so I decide to head out. Iit was great to see the little ones and some of my family members. I go back to my dad’s to hang out until we leave for the other party, I read while my dog snuggles on my legs and my dad watches TV.
6:00pm we head to the party but stop at a grocery store quickly to grab something to bring. We decide on a cannoli chips and dip platter, and my dad pays.
8:45pm We leave a little early because I have to work in the morning. I had a good time catching up with some people. I get R from my dad’s and end up home at 10pm. I watch a couple episodes of Brooklyn 99 while scrolling instagram, and head to bed at 11pm.
Daily total: $4.59
Day Seven Sunday
7:00am Up and ready for the release. Most of my time working will just be sitting and waiting at my desk for the demo to start so I can sign off on the changes we released to our apps. I was hoping this would be super quick, but there was a problem with another app that is holding up our testing. I do some French lessons on Duolingo to pass some time.
10:15am Finally done with work! I decide to watch an episode of Bridgerton before I do anything else. Season 3 feels different to me, I can’t quite explain it but it just feels off compared to the past 2 seasons.
12:00pm I take R for a long walk, and we run into neighbors along the way and chat a bit. Once I’m home, I have lunch, a smoothie bowl with some special K, and head into the basement to do a work out.
2:30pm I placed a pick up order for groceries and I have to go get them. This is my second week doing it and so far I think it’s saving me time and money. Even with the little bit they charge, I’m not grabbing random snacks that I see as I go. Groceries come out to $47.96.
3:00pm Home, I shower, change the sheets on my bed and decide to rest for the afternoon. I finish a book (The Happy Ever After Playlist by Abby Jiminez), finish the first half of Bridgerton, and return the book to library. I also take R for a walk in a field so she can get some zoomies out.
9:45pm Up to bed. I take a melatonin since I’m not super sleepy and I am out by 10:15pm.
Daily total: $47.96
End totals:
Food + Drink: $47.96
Fun / Entertainment: $0
Home + Health: $0
Clothes + Beauty: $94
Transport: $77.78
Other: $112.10
Lastly, reflect on your diary!
I feel pretty good about this week. Even though it was $331 and change, it was relatively low spend. I didn’t spend much on entertainment but I did go out a few times and had fun. I was able to keep groceries low this week by using things in my freezer and pantry, and doing the order pick up - this saves me a ton of money.
I’m hoping I can continue my lower spend momentum, I love seeing no spend days - and I include days that I pay for parking because I don’t really have a choice and that’s the cheapest full day rate downtown.
I almost spent $500 on a down payment for a trip to Yellowstone - traveling is one of my hobbies. But doing this diary and really thinking about next year made me pause. I’m still considering it but I want to price out if I can do it on my own at a better price.
I do want to not spend much on clothes but rebuilding a casual and professional wardrobe is taking time. I also need to get rid of more clothes that don’t fit me. It’s just such a pain to do it and then I have to decide what to do with them. I used to send them to thredup but now they charge you and it’s just a pain.
I’ll end there - I’m looking forward to your comments.
submitted by reesespieces2021 to MoneyDiariesACTIVE [link] [comments]
Section One: Assets and Debt
Retirement Balance: $202,167 (181,807 in 401k, 1,587 in Roth, 18,773 in brokerage). I started investing in my 401k as soon as I started at my company in 2012 - I had no idea what I was doing and only put in 3% since I was only making 38k, every year or so as I have made more money I have upped my contribution, currently at 13%.
Equity if you're a homeowner: I currently have about $125k in equity in a condo, I bought in June 2020 so low rates and prices were still low. I put 35k down, and saved for it by living with each of my parents after college while I paid off my student loans.
Savings account balance: $13,294.78
Checking account balance: $8,384.80
Credit card debt: $0 - I pay in full every month.
Student loan debt: $0 paid it off in about 3 years, I got my BA in Communications, and the company I work for paid for the majority of my MBA and I paid out of pocket for the rest.
Section Two: Income
Income Progression: I've been working at my company since 2012 and have held a bunch of different roles. I started at $38,000 and worked my way up to $114,900. I have mostly worked in operations, a little in tech, and most recently took on a role in product at the end of 2023.
Main Job Monthly Take Home: $4713
Deductions (Monthly Totals):
Retirement: Total: $1149 broken down: 401k: $619; Roth 401k: $530 (both of these are company sponsored and I get a 5% match for the traditional 401k)
Social Security: $516
Federal Taxes: $1218
State Taxes: $582
PTO Purchase: $191 (I buy extra time off and can use it at the end of the year or cash it out, it’s basically a christmas fund since I usually cash it out and it pays out right before the holidays)
Health Insurance: $238
Dental: $13
FSA: $50 This is my first year utilizing an FSA and I did it to buy and Oura ring, I’ll probably cancel it for next year
Side Gig Monthly Take Home: $70 (lol) at the end of 2023 I started a life coaching business after working on my certification in the summer. It’s been a slow start but it’s more about doing something fulfilling than it is about making money (for now).
Any Other Monthly Income Here: N/A
Section Three: Expenses
Rent / Mortgage / HOA fees: Mortgage: $1265, this will likely go up this year since they re-evaluated properties last year. HOA is $375/month
Renters / home insurance: it’s in escrow so I have no idea - I get an email once a year and file it away, if it seems high I reach out to my agent
Savings contribution: $100
Investment contribution: $50 into IRA, I’ll be reevaluating soon and adding a monthly sum to my brokerage as well
Debt payments: N/A
Electric: $60-200 depending on the season, last month was $64, August last year was $174
Propane: $100-500 Nov-Apr (used for heat, stove, and water, the April fill lasts until late fall)
Wifi/Cable/Landline: Internet is $51
Cellphone: $45
Subscriptions: Netflix $17, Hulu/Disney/Max $45, Apple $3, Oura Ring $7
Gym membership: I have a home gym for weightlifting and pay $80 for a year of programming, and pay $47/month for my peloton membership
Pet expenses: $181 every 5 weeks for dog daycare, $36 for food (Costco!), and probably $50 for misc things
Car payment / insurance: $387 for my car - recently refinanced and saved $60/month. I’ll still make the $450 payment to pay it off sooner. Insurance is $496 for the next 6 months
Regular therapy: $80/month for 2 appts covered by insurance, this is my copay, and $90/month for maintenance physical therapy
Paid hobbies: does Kindle Unlimited count? I paid for 2 years up front so it’s like $8/month, other hobbies are hiking and traveling, so those are more ad hoc expenses
Day One Monday
7:15am I finally wake up, I tried to wake up earlier but my body and brain just weren’t ready. I get up, get dressed in leggings, tank top, and a sweatshirt, and head down stairs to take my pup R for a walk.
8:00am I make my coffee, toast a bagel, and cut up some strawberries. Then I log onto my work laptop. Not a ton of emails from the weekend which is a plus, and the morning is light on meetings which is AMAZING. I was on vacation 2 weeks ago and I still feel behind so I want to take advantage of the “free time” and get some work tasks done. I do have one meeting at 11:30am but I should be more of an observer.
12:00pm I have therapy during lunch. It’s done online, and I love my therapist. We started working together to help with some food issues I had but now we focus a lot of my childhood trauma and my relationship with my mom.
1:00pm Back to work, but first I heat up some leftover pizza and make ⅓ of a salad bag kit thing for food. I have until 2pm before I have to be in a meeting so I get a little more work done.
4:30pm Meetings wrapped up at 4pm but I linger online for another 30 mins to tie everything up. I head out to take R for her evening walk, then pop into my basement gym for a work out.
6:30pm I am showered, make dinner (asian style meatballs, rice, and snap peas with some teriyaki sauce) and I am ready to sink into my couch. I realized that I can’t renew one of my library books and it’s due Wednesday so my big plan is to read. A lot.
9:30pm I need to go to bed. I pack my food for the office for tomorrow, brush my teeth, take my meds, and let R out one last time and head up to bed. I listen to Ologies (an awesome podcast) to wind down and go to bed a little after 10pm.
Daily total: $0
Day Two Tuesday
5:25am My alarm went off at 5am but I just could not do that. So I snooze until 5:25 and get up, put on leggings and a sports bra, let me pup out, eat a few bites of banana and then head up to do a 20 min peloton ride (Leanne Pop Ride). I finish right around 6am and then get ready for work.
7:00am Out the door! The pup, who is 3 btw so not actually a puppy, goes to doggy daycare today so my commute will take closer to an hour. I get work a few minutes after 8am, toast my bagel and begin going through emails.
12:30pm I am starving. I had to be in person at a company town hall from 11am-12pm and when I got back to my floor the kitchen was super busy so I couldn’t heat up food. I finally do and it’s an ok Factor meal - I’m trying them out to help make work days easier. I also snack on cheetos and some almonds. I should not go 4 hours without eating.
4:30pm After an afternoon full of meetings, including a lovely 1:1 with an old manager, I am off to pick up R from doggy daycare (I buy her daycare days in a package so this is prepaid), but first I pay for parking. $12
5:30pm I take myself for a quick walk while listening to IWT. I’m totally addicted to hearing about other people’s finances. I find money psychology fascinating and have been working on mine a lot for the last couple of years.
6:00pm I put on comfy clothes, wash my face, and heat up leftovers from last night for dinner then settle in for another night of marathon reading. I got through 181 pages yesterday and I make it to 375 (PS. book is The Women by Kristin Hannah - it’s really good but also heartbreaking).
9:30pm It’s bed time again. I brush my teeth, let R out, and head upstairs for bed. I continue listening to Ologies (the episode on bears!) and lights out at 10ish.
Daily total: $12
Day Three Wednesday
6:00am I force myself to wake up for another office day and I am exhausted. I manage to get up, let R out (we usually walk before I leave but it’s raining), and get ready - the office is “dress for your day” so I wear jeans and a black long sleeve shirt with my Rothys. I leave my hair in its wild natural state, throw on some SuperGoop glow screen, a little blush, and lash princess mascara. I leave a few minutes after 7am and get to work at 7:30.
8:00am I have an impromptu working session with my boss, which is really helpful as I prep for a big product launch. I eat the yogurt I planned to eat yesterday as a snack for breakfast with the coffee I made at home. The rest of the morning is filled with meetings.
10:30am I take a quick break and do some online shopping. I gained some weight during covid and I have been slowly building up my new bigger wardrobe so I place an order with old navy for 3 work tank tops, a jean jacket, a pair of cargo joggers, and a work out tank top for $94 - I apparently have enough points for $10 off.
12:00pm After a busy morning, I leave the office to work from home for the afternoon. I pay for parking ($12). I have a quick lunch using a Caesar salad kit and some chicken, and then dive back into meetings.
4:15pm I wrap up work and walk R. By 5pm I sit on the couch, determined to finish this book - because it’s due today, so I have to return it before the library closes at 8pm… I also get a notification that another book is ready to be picked up, so I grab that.
7:00pm BOOK IS DONE! The library is close by so I quickly drop it off, come home, eat and then waste away in front of the TV until 9:30ish when I do my usual night time routine.
Daily total: $106
Day Four Thursday
6:00am My alarm goes off and I am cranky but force myself up. I am not a morning person but I want to get in a peloton ride and this is my only time today. I throw on leggings and a tshirt and walk R. I am on the peloton by 6:45am and do a 30 min Disney Ride with Leanne - I’m apparently on a Leanne kick.
7:30am Quick shower and get dressed in athleisure for the day. I log onto my laptop right around 8am.
12:30pm I have survived another morning of meetings and finally have a break for lunch. I make a quick salad and add some chicken and enjoy this 30 minutes of not being in a meeting.
4:00pm Done with work for the day, I snuck in a walk with R at 2pm. Now we’re off to a former coworker's house for an Italian feast. A group of us get together monthly for happy hours, but P offered to show us her amazing culinary skills so I grab a bottle of red wine from my collection and hit the road.
8:45pm Home after an amazing dinner that included homemade pasta, eggplant and chicken parm, meatballs, and red wine. I don’t drink often so I have a feeling tomorrow will be rough - not necessarily hungover but a little extra tired. I go up to bed at 10pm and fall asleep around 10:30pm.
Daily total: $0
Day Five Friday
7:15am I let myself sleep in a little for a work day. I get up and take R for a walk. I begin work right around 8am. I have meetings all morning (you’ve probably noticed a trend here, I work with a lot of people that are in India and our time only overlaps before 11am) but I block my Friday afternoons to get work done and I am very much looking forward to not having meetings.
12pm I use lunchtime to bring R to the groomers. R is a standard poodle so she goes every 6 weeks and she’s looking a little scruffy. I also stop at Costco for gas ($53.78). I had to schedule a meeting at 1:30pm 🙁 so I make sure I am back with plenty of time to eat lunch before the meeting.
3:30pm I wrap up work early since I have to work Sunday morning. I fit in a quick work out before I go to get R from the groomers and pay for it ($112.10 with tip for a full groom and teeth brushing).
5:30pm Home and time for a Peloton ride. I do 30 minutes, then shower, eat, and take care of R.
8:00pm I finally get to start season 3 of Bridgerton. I only watch 1 episode because I am exhausted. After that I put on an episode of Brooklyn 99 and by 9:45pm I am heading up bed (wild Friday night, I know).
Daily total: $165.88
Day Six Saturday
8:00am I woke up earlier with a killer sinus headache, thanks pollen, but was able to sleep longer and I feel a little better. I get up and let R out, take some ibuprofen with my lexapro, make my coffee and a bagel and head to the couch to relax for a little bit.
11:15am I have a 4th birthday party and a going away party today so I leave to drop my pup off my dad while I’m at the 4th birthday, because his house is on the way and our dogs are besties and love to be together. I stop and grab a card, they asked for no gifts so I honor that ($4.59). I get to the party around 12:30pm (it’s about 30 minutes from my dad’s, but we chatted for a few minutes before I left for the party).
4:00pm People are starting to leave so I decide to head out. Iit was great to see the little ones and some of my family members. I go back to my dad’s to hang out until we leave for the other party, I read while my dog snuggles on my legs and my dad watches TV.
6:00pm we head to the party but stop at a grocery store quickly to grab something to bring. We decide on a cannoli chips and dip platter, and my dad pays.
8:45pm We leave a little early because I have to work in the morning. I had a good time catching up with some people. I get R from my dad’s and end up home at 10pm. I watch a couple episodes of Brooklyn 99 while scrolling instagram, and head to bed at 11pm.
Daily total: $4.59
Day Seven Sunday
7:00am Up and ready for the release. Most of my time working will just be sitting and waiting at my desk for the demo to start so I can sign off on the changes we released to our apps. I was hoping this would be super quick, but there was a problem with another app that is holding up our testing. I do some French lessons on Duolingo to pass some time.
10:15am Finally done with work! I decide to watch an episode of Bridgerton before I do anything else. Season 3 feels different to me, I can’t quite explain it but it just feels off compared to the past 2 seasons.
12:00pm I take R for a long walk, and we run into neighbors along the way and chat a bit. Once I’m home, I have lunch, a smoothie bowl with some special K, and head into the basement to do a work out.
2:30pm I placed a pick up order for groceries and I have to go get them. This is my second week doing it and so far I think it’s saving me time and money. Even with the little bit they charge, I’m not grabbing random snacks that I see as I go. Groceries come out to $47.96.
3:00pm Home, I shower, change the sheets on my bed and decide to rest for the afternoon. I finish a book (The Happy Ever After Playlist by Abby Jiminez), finish the first half of Bridgerton, and return the book to library. I also take R for a walk in a field so she can get some zoomies out.
9:45pm Up to bed. I take a melatonin since I’m not super sleepy and I am out by 10:15pm.
Daily total: $47.96
End totals:
Food + Drink: $47.96
Fun / Entertainment: $0
Home + Health: $0
Clothes + Beauty: $94
Transport: $77.78
Other: $112.10
Lastly, reflect on your diary!
I feel pretty good about this week. Even though it was $331 and change, it was relatively low spend. I didn’t spend much on entertainment but I did go out a few times and had fun. I was able to keep groceries low this week by using things in my freezer and pantry, and doing the order pick up - this saves me a ton of money.
I’m hoping I can continue my lower spend momentum, I love seeing no spend days - and I include days that I pay for parking because I don’t really have a choice and that’s the cheapest full day rate downtown.
I almost spent $500 on a down payment for a trip to Yellowstone - traveling is one of my hobbies. But doing this diary and really thinking about next year made me pause. I’m still considering it but I want to price out if I can do it on my own at a better price.
I do want to not spend much on clothes but rebuilding a casual and professional wardrobe is taking time. I also need to get rid of more clothes that don’t fit me. It’s just such a pain to do it and then I have to decide what to do with them. I used to send them to thredup but now they charge you and it’s just a pain.
I’ll end there - I’m looking forward to your comments.
2024.05.20 06:47 Clear_Top_4963 Milk: Can Dogs Drink It? by Mike Adams
Ever watched your pup give you those pleading eyes as you pour yourself a glass of milk? You might be tempted to share a sip, but hold on! While some dogs seem to adore dairy, the truth is, milk isn’t always the best choice for our canine companions.
However, as dogs mature, lactase production naturally declines. This means many adult dogs become lactose intolerant, just like some humans. Consuming milk can lead to digestive woes like gas, bloating, diarrhea, and even vomiting.
submitted by Clear_Top_4963 to u/Clear_Top_4963 [link] [comments]
Canines & Cow Juice: A Tale of Two Enzymes
Let’s rewind to puppyhood. Mother’s milk is specially formulated to nourish growing pups. It’s packed with nutrients and easy to digest because puppies produce an enzyme called lactase. Lactase breaks down lactose, the sugar found in milk.However, as dogs mature, lactase production naturally declines. This means many adult dogs become lactose intolerant, just like some humans. Consuming milk can lead to digestive woes like gas, bloating, diarrhea, and even vomiting.
The Great Lactose Debate: Can My Dog Enjoy a Milk Mustache?
So, the answer isn’t as simple as a yes or no. Some dogs seem to tolerate small amounts of milk without any problems. However, it’s always best to err on the side of caution.Here’s why milk might not be the best beverage for your dog:
- Tummy Troubles: Lactose intolerance can cause a variety of digestive issues, making your pup feel uncomfortable.
- A Fatty Feast: Milk is high in fat, which can lead to pancreatitis, a serious inflammation of the pancreas.
- Nutritional Needs Met Elsewhere: A well-balanced dog food provides all the nutrients your pup needs, including calcium, which some pet parents might be hoping to get from milk.
A Wagging Alternative: Can My Dog Enjoy Other Beverages?
If your dog seems to crave a refreshing drink, don’t fret! There are plenty of pup-friendly alternatives:- Fresh, Clean Water: This should always be readily available for your dog. Hydration is crucial for overall health.
- Coconut Water: Diluted coconut water can be a hydrating and electrolyte-boosting treat on a hot day.
- Bone Broth: Homemade or store-bought bone broth, free of added sodium and onions, can be a delicious and nutritious addition to your dog’s diet.
The Verdict: Milk or Nay?
While a tiny splash of milk probably won’t hurt most dogs, it’s generally not recommended. There are better ways to keep your pup hydrated and happy.Here’s a quick recap:
- Lactose intolerance is common in adult dogs.
- Milk can cause digestive upset and other health problems.
- Water is the best beverage for dogs.
- Consider dog-friendly alternatives like coconut water or bone broth.
Let’s Keep the Conversation Flowing!
Does your dog love to lick up spilled milks? Share your pup’s dairy habits and any questions you might have in the comments below!2024.05.19 00:30 Lazy_Sl0b Kimchi
Is there anywhere around here to get good kimchi?
I'd like to buy it by the tub (quart or more) to take home.
I'm not Korean or anything, and didn't grow up eating it... But when I lived south of Richmond, VA there was a gas station near me owned by a Korean couple and they used to sell their homemade kimchi there. It was amazing and I'm starting to miss it.
Local made preferred but if anyone has suggestions for national brands available at grocery stores here, I'd be willing to try that too possibly.
Maybe I should learn to make it....
submitted by Lazy_Sl0b to hagerstown [link] [comments]
I'd like to buy it by the tub (quart or more) to take home.
I'm not Korean or anything, and didn't grow up eating it... But when I lived south of Richmond, VA there was a gas station near me owned by a Korean couple and they used to sell their homemade kimchi there. It was amazing and I'm starting to miss it.
Local made preferred but if anyone has suggestions for national brands available at grocery stores here, I'd be willing to try that too possibly.
Maybe I should learn to make it....
2024.05.18 12:33 Fragrant_Tutor8631 Trying Toniiq Berberine for Weight Loss: My Review and What You Might Expect
Toniiq Berberine shows some promise in regulating blood sugar levels, which can assist in controlling appetite to a degree. However, its effectiveness in weight loss is not as significant or consistent, and some users report adverse side effects like gastrointestinal discomfort.
For those seeking more reliable appetite suppression or weight management solutions, products containing a blend of fiber-rich ingredients (I recommend PhenQ, Instant Knockout, Blood Sugar Optimizer) or clinically proven weight loss agents like orlistat may offer more substantial results without the harsh side effects.
I started with a lower dose berberine product called CandiBactin, which was easier on my stomach and helped avoid constipation issues that can sometimes come with berberine supplements.
After finishing the first bottle, I switched to a higher-quality berberine like Toniiq, expecting to see continued improvements without the digestive side effects.
I learned the hard way that you've got to be careful about mixing supplements. With CandiBactin, I didn't realize that taking probiotics at the same time would mess things up.
MOst people would end up feeling bloated and constipated if you mix berberine and probiotics at same time, losing all the initial benefits.
When I switched to just the Toniiq Berberine, I started taking probiotics again, which helped settle my stomach and kept the constipation at bay. It's crucial to find the right balance and timing for taking these supplements to avoid any unpleasant side effects.
Timing is everything with these kinds of supplements. I'll advise taking your berberine in the morning on an empty stomach, followed by my morning coffee (preferabely with collagen).
This would help kickstart the day without any issues.
I'd take the second dose right before dinner, not with or after, to avoid any late-day digestive issues.
If you're starting out, you might want to experiment with different times to see what works best for your body.
Remember, what works for one person might not work for another, so it’s all about finding your rhythm.
Also, If you're looking for stronger appetite suppression than berberine alone, consider adding fiber supplements like nopal cactus OR glucomannan to your regimen.
Nopal cactus and Glucomannan, in particular, expand in the stomach to create a feeling of fullness, potentially reducing your overall food intake more effectively than berberine's mechanism of interacting with brain pathways.
Additionally, you might explore weight management supplements like PhenQ (Nopal cactus) and Instant Knockout (Berberine), which combine various ingredients known for boosting metabolism and enhancing fat burning alongside appetite suppression.
JUST for the weight loss & appetite suppression, I'd rate Toniiq at around 3/5.
Introduction
Toniiq Berberine stands out in the crowded market of berberine supplements due to its exceptionally high purity levels. Marketed as being 97% pure, it claims to deliver a more potent dose compared to many other berberine products.
This high concentration might seem promising if you're looking for something that packs a stronger punch in terms of potential health benefits. However, it’s crucial to approach these claims with a healthy dose of skepticism, as the actual experience can vary widely.
The product is derived from Berberis Aristata (Indian Barberry) sourced from the mineral-rich foothills of the Himalayas, which is highlighted as a unique selling point.
The wild harvested aspect suggests it might contain more of the active components, but again, whether this translates into tangible health benefits is subject to individual differences and should be considered critically.
2. Appetite Modulation: 3/5 While berberine is primarily known for its role in blood sugar management, it may also help in moderating appetite to some extent. The effect on appetite is less direct compared to Ozempic; however, by stabilizing blood sugar levels, it can reduce sudden hunger spikes and help in controlling cravings, albeit less significantly.
3. Metabolic Enhancement: 3/5 Berberine has shown potential in enhancing metabolic functions by activating AMP-activated protein kinase (AMPK), which is often referred to as a metabolic master switch. This activation can aid in improving metabolic health, although the effect might not be as pronounced as the metabolic enhancements provided by Ozempic.
4. Energy Optimization: 2/5 The impact of berberine on energy levels isn't as significant as its other benefits. While better blood sugar control can indirectly contribute to improved energy levels by preventing energy dips associated with glucose fluctuations, berberine does not inherently boost energy in the way stimulants or specific energy-enhancing supplements might. Therefore, its effectiveness as an energy optimizer is relatively modest compared to Ozempic's overall benefits to vitality and physical activity support.
5. Weight Management Support: 3/5 Berberine has shown some potential in supporting weight management, primarily through its ability to improve insulin sensitivity and metabolic function, which can help in fat reduction. However, the direct effects on weight loss are not as consistent or significant as those seen with Ozempic, where the mechanism is more directly linked to weight reduction.
6. Safety and Tolerability Profile: 4/5 Berberine is generally considered safe for most adults when taken at recommended dosages. However, it can cause some gastrointestinal side effects such as diarrhea, constipation, or abdominal discomfort, particularly when taken in high doses. Overall, it has a good safety profile, but like any supplement, it should be used under the guidance of a healthcare professional to manage potential side effects.
7. Inflammatory Response Reduction: 3/5 Berberine has anti-inflammatory properties that may help in reducing systemic inflammation. This reduction can indirectly support insulin sensitivity and metabolic health, which are beneficial in managing conditions like diabetes and obesity. The anti-inflammatory effects are helpful, but they may not be as robust or well-studied as those associated with pharmaceutical options like Ozempic.
8. Gut Health Improvement: 2/5 While there is some evidence to suggest that berberine can influence gut health by modulating gut bacteria, these effects are not as well documented or understood as its other uses. The potential benefits to gut health could contribute to improved overall well-being and metabolic health, but more research is needed to fully understand and confirm these effects, making it a less reliable option for gut health improvement compared to Ozempic's more comprehensive benefits
submitted by Fragrant_Tutor8631 to HealthTrendz [link] [comments]
For those seeking more reliable appetite suppression or weight management solutions, products containing a blend of fiber-rich ingredients (I recommend PhenQ, Instant Knockout, Blood Sugar Optimizer) or clinically proven weight loss agents like orlistat may offer more substantial results without the harsh side effects.
How to take Toniiq Berberine
If you're considering using Toniiq Berberine for weight loss or appetite control, here's my take based on personal experience.I started with a lower dose berberine product called CandiBactin, which was easier on my stomach and helped avoid constipation issues that can sometimes come with berberine supplements.
After finishing the first bottle, I switched to a higher-quality berberine like Toniiq, expecting to see continued improvements without the digestive side effects.
I learned the hard way that you've got to be careful about mixing supplements. With CandiBactin, I didn't realize that taking probiotics at the same time would mess things up.
MOst people would end up feeling bloated and constipated if you mix berberine and probiotics at same time, losing all the initial benefits.
When I switched to just the Toniiq Berberine, I started taking probiotics again, which helped settle my stomach and kept the constipation at bay. It's crucial to find the right balance and timing for taking these supplements to avoid any unpleasant side effects.
Timing is everything with these kinds of supplements. I'll advise taking your berberine in the morning on an empty stomach, followed by my morning coffee (preferabely with collagen).
This would help kickstart the day without any issues.
I'd take the second dose right before dinner, not with or after, to avoid any late-day digestive issues.
If you're starting out, you might want to experiment with different times to see what works best for your body.
Remember, what works for one person might not work for another, so it’s all about finding your rhythm.
Also, If you're looking for stronger appetite suppression than berberine alone, consider adding fiber supplements like nopal cactus OR glucomannan to your regimen.
Nopal cactus and Glucomannan, in particular, expand in the stomach to create a feeling of fullness, potentially reducing your overall food intake more effectively than berberine's mechanism of interacting with brain pathways.
Additionally, you might explore weight management supplements like PhenQ (Nopal cactus) and Instant Knockout (Berberine), which combine various ingredients known for boosting metabolism and enhancing fat burning alongside appetite suppression.
JUST for the weight loss & appetite suppression, I'd rate Toniiq at around 3/5.
Introduction
Toniiq Berberine stands out in the crowded market of berberine supplements due to its exceptionally high purity levels. Marketed as being 97% pure, it claims to deliver a more potent dose compared to many other berberine products.
This high concentration might seem promising if you're looking for something that packs a stronger punch in terms of potential health benefits. However, it’s crucial to approach these claims with a healthy dose of skepticism, as the actual experience can vary widely.
The product is derived from Berberis Aristata (Indian Barberry) sourced from the mineral-rich foothills of the Himalayas, which is highlighted as a unique selling point.
The wild harvested aspect suggests it might contain more of the active components, but again, whether this translates into tangible health benefits is subject to individual differences and should be considered critically.
Pros & Cons of Toniiq Berberine as a Natural Ozempic Alternative
Pros:
- Blood Sugar Regulation: Highly effective at regulating blood sugar levels, which can mimic some of the glucose-management benefits of Ozempic.
- Safety Profile: Generally safe for most adults when used as directed, with a good safety and tolerability profile.
- Inflammatory Response: Has anti-inflammatory properties that can support better insulin sensitivity and metabolic health.
- Some Users Report Positive Effects: Some users have reported improved appetite control and stabilization of blood sugar spikes.
Cons:
- Inconsistent Weight Management Support: While it has potential benefits for metabolic health, its impact on weight loss is less consistent and significant.
- Taste and Digestive Discomfort: Some users find the capsules bitter and report gastrointestinal discomfort, including acid reflux and increased gas.
- Severe Adverse Reactions in Some Users: There are reports of severe nausea, diarrhea, and other digestive issues, which can be quite distressing.
- Energy Optimization: Does not significantly boost energy levels, which could affect overall vitality and physical activity.
- Gut Health Impact Uncertain: Its effects on gut health are not well-documented or understood, making it a less reliable option for those specifically seeking gut health improvement.
- Product Specific Issues: Issues with the product's return policy and customer service have been highlighted, affecting user satisfaction.
Evaluation of 500 mg Berberine HCI as a Natural Ozempic Alternative
1. Blood Sugar Regulation: 4/5 Berberine HCI is well-regarded for its ability to regulate blood sugar levels, which is crucial for mimicking some of the glucose-managing effects of Ozempic. Numerous studies suggest that berberine can help decrease insulin resistance and improve glucose uptake in the cells, making it a strong candidate for naturally stabilizing blood sugar levels.2. Appetite Modulation: 3/5 While berberine is primarily known for its role in blood sugar management, it may also help in moderating appetite to some extent. The effect on appetite is less direct compared to Ozempic; however, by stabilizing blood sugar levels, it can reduce sudden hunger spikes and help in controlling cravings, albeit less significantly.
3. Metabolic Enhancement: 3/5 Berberine has shown potential in enhancing metabolic functions by activating AMP-activated protein kinase (AMPK), which is often referred to as a metabolic master switch. This activation can aid in improving metabolic health, although the effect might not be as pronounced as the metabolic enhancements provided by Ozempic.
4. Energy Optimization: 2/5 The impact of berberine on energy levels isn't as significant as its other benefits. While better blood sugar control can indirectly contribute to improved energy levels by preventing energy dips associated with glucose fluctuations, berberine does not inherently boost energy in the way stimulants or specific energy-enhancing supplements might. Therefore, its effectiveness as an energy optimizer is relatively modest compared to Ozempic's overall benefits to vitality and physical activity support.
5. Weight Management Support: 3/5 Berberine has shown some potential in supporting weight management, primarily through its ability to improve insulin sensitivity and metabolic function, which can help in fat reduction. However, the direct effects on weight loss are not as consistent or significant as those seen with Ozempic, where the mechanism is more directly linked to weight reduction.
6. Safety and Tolerability Profile: 4/5 Berberine is generally considered safe for most adults when taken at recommended dosages. However, it can cause some gastrointestinal side effects such as diarrhea, constipation, or abdominal discomfort, particularly when taken in high doses. Overall, it has a good safety profile, but like any supplement, it should be used under the guidance of a healthcare professional to manage potential side effects.
7. Inflammatory Response Reduction: 3/5 Berberine has anti-inflammatory properties that may help in reducing systemic inflammation. This reduction can indirectly support insulin sensitivity and metabolic health, which are beneficial in managing conditions like diabetes and obesity. The anti-inflammatory effects are helpful, but they may not be as robust or well-studied as those associated with pharmaceutical options like Ozempic.
8. Gut Health Improvement: 2/5 While there is some evidence to suggest that berberine can influence gut health by modulating gut bacteria, these effects are not as well documented or understood as its other uses. The potential benefits to gut health could contribute to improved overall well-being and metabolic health, but more research is needed to fully understand and confirm these effects, making it a less reliable option for gut health improvement compared to Ozempic's more comprehensive benefits
2024.05.18 11:48 Fragrant_Tutor8631 My Luma Nutrition Breberine review: best berberine for appetite suppression?
Quick Summary
Luma Nutrition Berberine offers a high dosage of berberine hydrochloride aimed at supporting weight loss, appetite control, and blood sugar regulation. However, user feedback reveals mixed results, with some experiencing significant benefits while others report no effect or adverse side effects such as gastrointestinal distress and dizziness.I think overall, it's a decent berberine supplement for various berberine related health effects.
But given the variability in effectiveness and the potential for severe side effects, it appears that Luma Nutrition Berberine may be overly hyped, especially for those looking for consistent and safe results in weight management and metabolic health.
For appetite suppression & weight loss, I'd rate it at 3, I'd rather recommend something like PhenQ and Instant Knockout for appetite management & weight loss (both are better appetite suppressants than Luma), while Blood Sugar Optimizer does a better job in blood sugar management , being my top pick as (Berberine + Ceylon cinnamon supplement).
Introduction
If you've stumbled upon Berberine while searching for natural supplements to aid weight loss or control appetite, you might be curious about what it actually does.
Berberine is a compound found in several plants that is often used in traditional Chinese medicine. It’s known for its potential to impact blood sugar levels and improve metabolic health. Recently, it's also been gaining attention as a weight loss and appetite control aid and as a natural supplement that cna have some ozempic like effects..
Luma Nutrition is just one of many brands offering Berberine, but they promote their product with some pretty appealing features like being all-natural and vegan-friendly.
If you're curious about trying Luma Berberine, especially for controlling blood sugar and cholesterol, it might do some good.
Now different people have different kinds of expereinces with Berberine.
From my own year-long experience with berberine, not Luma specifically but a similar product, I found that it really helped with things I wasn't even targeting initially—like my chronic migraines pretty much vanished, and to my surprise, my thinning hair got thicker. It also worked wonders for my sleep; I can pretty much clock out the minute I hit the pillow and get a solid 7.5 hours without a hitch. But don't expect miracles in weight loss—I didn't shed pounds, and frankly, it didn't make a dent in my appetite at all.Now, it's important to talk about how you might feel when starting out and as you continue.
Early days, you might notice some mild stomach issues like gas because your body's getting used to it.
Berberine is tough to absorb, so take it on an empty stomach, about 30 minutes before you eat, to get the most out of it. Luma is no exception!
As time goes on, if you don't give yourself breaks from it, you might see some downsides.
For some people , taking it continuously may lead to some sexual dysfunction and mess with gut health, so I switched to a schedule—500 mg once daily for five days a week and then a break every few weeks.
This routine keeps the side effects in check and helps maintain the benefits without overwhelming my system. So, if you're planning to try it, consider a similar approach to manage any potential issues effectively.
Pros & Cons of Luma Nutrition Berberine
Pros:
- High Dosage: Each dose contains 1200mg of pure berberine hydrochloride, which is higher than many other berberine supplements on the market.
- Sugar-Free and Diet-Friendly: Suitable for individuals on vegan or gluten-free diets, and the capsules do not contain sugar, unlike gummy alternatives.
- Quality Assurance: The product is 3rd party tested for purity and quality, ensuring that what you consume is safe and effective.
- Made in the USA: Manufactured in GMP certified facilities, which guarantees a high standard of production and product safety.
- Veteran-Owned Business: Supports a veteran-owned business that is committed to providing customer support and addressing any product-related inquiries.
- Convenient Supply: Each bottle provides a 30-day supply, ideal for monthly subscriptions to maintain a regular intake without running out.
Cons:
- Potential Side Effects: Some users report side effects such as dizziness, intestinal distress, and heart palpitations.
- Inconsistent Effects on Appetite and Weight Loss: While some users experience benefits in terms of appetite suppression and weight loss, others see no effect, indicating variability in individual responses.
- No Return Policy on Amazon: The product cannot be returned if purchased through Amazon, even if unopened, which might discourage first-time buyers.
- Subscription Issues: There are reports of subscription delivery problems, including delays and receiving fewer capsules than promised.
- Does Not Suit Everyone: Not all users can tolerate the product; some report severe adverse reactions necessitating medical consultation.
Overview of Luma Nutrition Berberine
Luma Nutrition's Berberine comes in capsule form, which I found pretty standard for most dietary supplements. Each bottle contains 60 capsules, with a recommended dosage of two capsules per day.
This means each bottle is essentially a one-month supply if you follow the recommended dosage. The capsules themselves are a bit on the larger side, which might be a concern if you have trouble swallowing pills, but I managed fine.
One of the big selling points Luma Nutrition pushes is that their Berberine is made from all-natural ingredients, is vegan-friendly, and manufactured right here in the USA.
These are nice boxes to check off for anyone who's mindful about the ethical aspects of their supplements. They also claim that their product contains no GMOs, and is free from artificial fillers or dyes—something I appreciate since I try to keep my consumption of unnecessary additives to a minimum.
An independent company has verified the contents and safety of the product, which helps in building trust, especially if you're cautious about the purity of supplements. I found these details important not just for peace of mind but also because when it comes to supplements, you really want to make sure you're ingesting something safe and as advertised.
My Ratings Evaluation of Luma Nutrition Berberine as a Natural Ozempic Alternative
Blood Sugar Regulation
Rating: 4/5Luma Nutrition Berberine contains 1200mg of Berberine HCI derived from Berberis aristata per serving, which is known for its potent effects on lowering blood sugar levels. Clinical studies have shown that Berberine can be effective in managing blood sugar, making it a strong natural alternative for mimicking some of the glucose-regulating effects of Ozempic. However, it might not be as consistently powerful as Ozempic, hence the deduction of one point.
Appetite Modulation
Rating: 3/5While Berberine is primarily known for its impact on blood sugar and cholesterol, its effects on appetite are less direct. Some users report reduced appetite possibly due to better blood sugar control, which can decrease cravings and help with weight management. However, it's not specifically an appetite suppressant like Ozempic, so it scores a middle range for this category.
Metabolic Enhancement
Rating: 3/5Berberine is reputed to have positive effects on metabolic health, primarily through the enhancement of glycolysis, which helps the body break down sugars more efficiently, and by improving insulin sensitivity. These actions can contribute to a higher metabolic rate indirectly. However, compared to Ozempic, which has a more direct role in enhancing metabolic outcomes, Berberine's effects are more moderate.
Energy Optimization
Rating: 2/5While Berberine has been noted for its metabolic benefits, it is not primarily known for directly boosting energy levels. Users may experience increased energy indirectly through improved metabolic health and better blood sugar control, but it does not inherently contain energy-boosting properties like caffeine or other stimulants. Therefore, its capacity to support increased physical activity and vitality is limited and not as pronounced as the effects you might see with Ozempic.
Weight Management Support
Rating: 4/5Berberine has shown promising results in supporting weight management through its ability to improve insulin sensitivity and enhance the breakdown of fats and sugars in the body. This can lead to reduced fat accumulation and support gradual weight loss, which aligns well with some of the weight loss mechanisms seen with Ozempic. While not as directly impactful as Ozempic, which is specifically designed for weight management in diabetic patients, Berberine holds its ground as a supportive supplement for natural weight management.
Safety and Tolerability Profile
Rating: 4/5Berberine is generally considered safe when used appropriately, with common side effects being gastrointestinal discomfort such as cramps, diarrhea, or constipation. These side effects are typically mild and can often be managed with dosage adjustments. It is well-tolerated by most individuals, making it a viable alternative for those looking for natural supplements with minimal adverse effects. However, like any active compound, it's important to consult with a healthcare provider, especially for those with existing health conditions or those taking other medication.
Inflammatory Response Reduction
Rating: 3/5Berberine has demonstrated some anti-inflammatory properties, which can contribute to overall health improvements, including enhancing insulin sensitivity and metabolic function. These benefits are crucial for managing conditions like diabetes and obesity, which are often accompanied by chronic inflammation. However, the anti-inflammatory effects of Berberine are not as extensively documented or as potent as those of some pharmacological treatments like Ozempic, which have broader systemic impacts. Therefore, while Berberine supports inflammation reduction, its effectiveness in this area is moderate compared to more targeted treatments.
Gut Health Improvement
Rating: 2/5Berberine's impact on gut health is less clear and direct. Some studies suggest that Berberine can alter gut flora, potentially leading to improved gut barrier function and reduced permeability, which can indirectly support nutrient absorption and overall gut health. However, these effects are not as well studied or as pronounced as its effects on blood sugar and metabolism. Therefore, while there may be some potential benefits to gut health, they are not a primary function of Berberine, making it less effective in this category compared to Ozempic, which can have more noticeable effects on metabolic health and weight management through gut-related mechanisms.
2024.05.18 05:41 Sweet-Count2557 Fun Things to Do in Fort Myers at Night
 | Fun Things to Do in Fort Myers at Night Hey there, night owls! Looking for some excitement in Fort Myers after the sun sets? Well, look no further! We've got a list of fun and exhilarating activities for you to enjoy in this vibrant city at night.From delicious seafood and live music, to shopping and cultural experiences, there's something for everyone. Craft beer lovers and beach enthusiasts, we've got you covered too!Get ready for an unforgettable night as we take you on a journey through Fort Myers' most exciting activities and experiences. Let's dive in and embrace the freedom of the night!Key TakeawaysNighttime dining and entertainment venues in Fort Myers include Doc Fords, Crows Nest Bar and Grille, and Lani Kai Island Resort.Shopping and cultural experiences can be enjoyed at Gulf Coast Town Center and The Franklin Shops.Brewery and nightlife experiences are available at Fort Myers Brewing Company and Times Square.Beach and outdoor activities include visiting Fort Myers Beach and taking a night boat tour.Nighttime Dining and Entertainment VenuesWe know that exploring nighttime dining and entertainment venues is an exciting way to experience the vibrant nightlife of Fort Myers. Whether you're looking for live music venues or delicious seafood dining options, this city has it all.One popular spot for both music and food is Doc Fords. This restaurant offers a variety of seafood dishes and features live music performances. For the best experience, we recommend sitting on the patio, where you can enjoy your meal while taking in the lively atmosphere. Don't miss out on trying their famous seafood paella, a flavorful dish that will leave your taste buds wanting more.Another great option is the Crows Nest Bar and Grille. Known for its delicious seafood and unique hermit crab racing, this venue is a must-visit. Before heading there, make sure to gas up your car, as it's a bit of a drive. Also, check their online menu beforehand to see what delicious options they've available.If you're looking for a party atmosphere with live music and beach access, Lani Kai Island Resort is the place to be. This resort offers a variety of entertainment options, including live music performances and access to the beach. We recommend booking a reservation in advance to secure your spot and taking the time to visit nearby Bowditch Point Park for a relaxing stroll before or after your night out.Now that we've explored the vibrant nightlife of Fort Myers through its nighttime dining and entertainment venues, let's move on to the next section and dive into the exciting world of shopping and cultural experiences.Shopping and Cultural ExperiencesOur next stop on the vibrant nightlife tour of Fort Myers is the Gulf Coast Town Center, known for its top-notch mall and vibrant nightlife. This bustling shopping center offers a variety of experiences that are sure to delight visitors. Here are some of the hidden gems you won't want to miss:Pet-friendly shopping: One of the unique features of Gulf Coast Town Center is its pet-friendly atmosphere. You can bring your furry friends along as you explore the shops and enjoy a night out. Many of the stores have water bowls and treats available for your four-legged companions, making it a truly inclusive experience.Hidden gem galleries: If you're looking for a dose of culture during your nighttime adventure, Gulf Coast Town Center has a few hidden gem galleries that are worth exploring. These galleries showcase the work of local artists and offer a glimpse into the vibrant art scene of Fort Myers. From paintings and sculptures to photography and mixed media, you'll find a diverse range of artistic expressions to admire.Trendy boutiques: If you're a fashion enthusiast, you'll be delighted by the trendy boutiques scattered throughout Gulf Coast Town Center. From designer clothing and accessories to unique handmade pieces, these boutiques offer a curated selection of fashionable items that will help you express your personal style.Gourmet food market: Food lovers will be in heaven at the gourmet food market in Gulf Coast Town Center. This culinary haven features a wide range of specialty food vendors, offering everything from artisanal cheeses and freshly baked bread to gourmet chocolates and exotic spices. Whether you're looking for ingredients for a gourmet meal or simply want to indulge in some delicious treats, this market is a must-visit.Live entertainment: As the sun sets, Gulf Coast Town Center comes alive with live entertainment. From live music performances to street performers, there's always something happening to keep you entertained. Grab a drink, find a cozy spot, and soak in the lively atmosphere as you enjoy the talents of local musicians and performers.With its pet-friendly shopping options, hidden gem galleries, trendy boutiques, gourmet food market, and live entertainment, Gulf Coast Town Center offers a shopping and cultural experience that's sure to satisfy your desires for freedom and exploration. So, make sure to add this vibrant destination to your list of nighttime activities in Fort Myers.Brewery and Nightlife ExperiencesExploring the Fort Myers Brewing Company, with its wide selection of craft beers and lively atmosphere, is a must for a fun night out in Fort Myers. The largest craft brewery in Southwest Florida, Fort Myers Brewing Company offers over 25 brews on tap, ensuring that there is something to satisfy every beer lover's palate. From hoppy IPAs to smooth stouts, this brewery has it all. One of the highlights of visiting Fort Myers Brewing Company is the craft beer tasting experience, where visitors can sample different beers and discover new favorites. The knowledgeable staff is always ready to provide recommendations and share their passion for craft beer.To enhance the experience, the brewery often hosts local live music, adding a vibrant and energetic ambiance to the evening. As you sip on your favorite craft beer, you can enjoy the sounds of talented musicians, creating a perfect harmony of flavors and melodies. The combination of great beer and live music creates a lively and enjoyable atmosphere that keeps visitors coming back for more.To give you a taste of the variety of craft beers available at Fort Myers Brewing Company, here is a table showcasing some of their popular brews:Beer NameDescriptionTropical IPAA refreshing IPA with tropical fruit flavorsChocolate StoutA rich and velvety stout with hints of chocolateCitrus WheatA light and citrusy wheat beer perfect for summerAmber AleA smooth and malty ale with a caramel finishAfter a night of craft beer tasting and enjoying local live music at Fort Myers Brewing Company, you'll be ready to continue your adventure in Fort Myers. So, let's move on to the next section and discover the exciting beach and outdoor activities that await you.Beach and Outdoor ActivitiesFor a relaxing evening by the beach and exciting outdoor adventures, there are plenty of fun activities to enjoy in Fort Myers at night. Whether you're looking to unwind by the water or engage in thrilling outdoor activities, this coastal paradise has something for everyone. Here are five nighttime beach and outdoor activities that you won't want to miss:Fort Myers Beach: With its picturesque sandy shores and beachfront eateries, Fort Myers Beach is the perfect place to spend a tranquil evening. Pack your swimwear and sunblock, and soak up the soothing sounds of the ocean as you unwind on the soft sand. Don't forget to take your furry friends along for a leisurely stroll on the beach, but remember to keep them on a leash.Night Boat Tour: Experience the beauty of Fort Myers' coastline from a whole new perspective with a night boat tour. As the sun sets, you'll be treated to stunning views and the opportunity to spot playful dolphins in their natural habitat. Dedicate at least two hours to this adventure and make sure to bring your camera to capture the magical moments.Sunset Yoga on the Beach: Embrace the freedom of the outdoors and find your inner zen with a sunset yoga session on the beach. Connect with nature as you move through gentle poses and listen to the soothing sound of the waves crashing against the shore. This invigorating activity is suitable for all fitness levels and provides a unique way to relax and rejuvenate.Beach Bonfire: Gather around a crackling bonfire with friends and loved ones for an unforgettable night on the beach. Roast marshmallows, share stories, and enjoy the warmth of the fire as you watch the stars twinkle above. This is the perfect setting for creating lasting memories and experiencing the freedom that comes with being surrounded by nature.Nighttime Fishing: Grab your fishing gear and head to one of the many fishing spots along the coast for a thrilling nighttime adventure. Cast your line into the deep waters and wait for the excitement of a tug. As you reel in your catch, feel the rush of adrenaline and the freedom of being in the great outdoors.Whether you're seeking nighttime beach activities or thrilling outdoor adventures, Fort Myers offers a wide range of options to satisfy your desires for freedom and fun. So, make the most of your evenings and create unforgettable memories in this beautiful coastal city.Festivals and EventsLet's dive into the vibrant world of festivals and events in Fort Myers at night. Whether you're a lover of art, history, or simply enjoy a good parade, there's something for everyone to enjoy in this lively city after dark. One event that should not be missed is the Edison Festival of Light Parade. This annual celebration pays tribute to Thomas Edison's invention of the light bulb and features a spectacular nighttime parade. To make the experience even more special, I highly recommend securing VIP tickets. This way, you can enjoy the parade in style and have access to prime seating. Be sure to arrive early to secure your preferred spot, as this event attracts a large crowd.Another unique and creative experience in Fort Myers is Vinos Picasso wine and paint studio. This artistic haven offers a fun and relaxing atmosphere where you can sip on your favorite wine while creating your very own masterpiece. Whether you're an experienced artist or a novice, the friendly instructors at Vinos Picasso will guide you through the painting process, ensuring that you leave with a work of art you can be proud of.To give you a better idea of the festivals and events happening in Fort Myers at night, here's a handy table:Festival/EventDescriptionEdison Festival of Light ParadeA grand nighttime parade in honor of Thomas Edison's invention of the light bulb. VIP tickets available.Vinos Picasso wine and paint studioA creative experience where you can enjoy wine and create your own artwork.With these exciting festivals and events, you'll have plenty of options for a memorable night out in Fort Myers. So gather your friends, grab your VIP tickets, and get ready to immerse yourself in the vibrant nightlife of this fantastic city.Unique Nighttime ExperiencesLooking for something different to do at night in Fort Myers? How about engaging in interactive art workshops or enjoying rooftop stargazing sessions?These unique experiences offer a chance to tap into your creativity or gaze at the stunning night sky in a whole new way. Whether you're an art enthusiast or an astronomy lover, these activities are sure to provide a memorable and one-of-a-kind nighttime adventure in Fort Myers.Interactive Art WorkshopsThe article highlights our knowledge of interactive art workshops, which offer unique nighttime experiences in Fort Myers. These workshops provide the perfect opportunity for artistic collaborations and painting parties.Here are five exciting options to consider:Artful Gardner: This workshop combines art and gardening, allowing participants to create beautiful planters while expressing their creativity.Wine & Paint Parties: Get your creative juices flowing while sipping on delicious wine. These workshops provide a fun and relaxed atmosphere for painting enthusiasts of all skill levels.Pottery Wheel Experience: Try your hand at the pottery wheel and learn the art of creating beautiful ceramic pieces. This hands-on workshop will leave you with a unique and personalized masterpiece.Glow-in-the-Dark Canvas Painting: Step into a world of vibrant colors and glowing masterpieces. These workshops offer a twist on traditional canvas painting, using special glow-in-the-dark paints to create stunning works of art.Street Art Tours: Explore the vibrant street art scene in Fort Myers with knowledgeable guides who'll take you on an immersive tour of the city's most impressive murals and graffiti art.Experience the freedom to express yourself and unleash your creativity at these interactive art workshops in Fort Myers.Rooftop Stargazing SessionsWe can enjoy rooftop stargazing sessions for a unique nighttime experience in Fort Myers. The city is home to several stargazing clubs and astronomy workshops that offer the opportunity to explore the wonders of the night sky.Imagine being on a rooftop, surrounded by the twinkling lights of the city, as you gaze up at the vast expanse of stars above. With the guidance of experienced astronomers, you can learn about constellations, planets, and even spot distant galaxies through telescopes.These rooftop stargazing sessions provide a peaceful and awe-inspiring escape from the hustle and bustle of everyday life. Whether you're a seasoned stargazer or a curious beginner, these experiences offer a chance to connect with the beauty of the universe and expand your knowledge of the cosmos.Frequently Asked QuestionsAre There Any Age Restrictions for the Night Boat Tour?There aren't any age restrictions for the night boat tour. It's a fantastic experience for everyone, no matter their age. You'll get to enjoy stunning views, maybe even spot some dolphins, and create lasting memories.The tour is suitable for all ages, so feel free to bring the whole family along. Don't forget to bring your camera to capture the beautiful moments. It's a fun and exciting adventure that everyone can enjoy together.Can You Bring Your Own Food to the Outdoor Seating Areas at Doc Fords and the Whale Restaurant?Yes, you can bring your own food to the outdoor seating areas at both Doc Fords and The Whale Restaurant. This adds to the freedom and flexibility of your dining experience.You can enjoy the delicious seafood dishes while also savoring your favorite homemade snacks or treats.Is There a Cover Charge for Entry to Snappers Laugh in Comedy Cafe?There is no cover charge for entry to Snappers Laugh In Comedy Cafe. It's a great place to enjoy comedy performances and spoken word events. They recommend purchasing tickets in advance and dressing comfortably.As for the night boat tour, there are no age restrictions, so it's suitable for all ages. You can expect stunning views, the opportunity to see dolphins, and a memorable experience. Make sure to dedicate at least two hours for the tour and don't forget to bring your camera to capture the beautiful moments.What Types of Souvenirs Can Be Found at the Franklin Shops?At the Franklin Shops, you can find a variety of souvenirs to remember your time in Fort Myers. From unique artwork and handmade crafts to local products and stylish apparel, there's something for everyone.Whether you're looking for a gift for a loved one or a memento for yourself, the Franklin Shops are sure to have what you're looking for.Don't forget to check out the popular night boat tours for a stunning experience on the water.Are Pets Allowed on the Patio at Crows Nest Bar and Grille?Yes, pets are allowed on the patio at Crows Nest Bar and Grille. However, there may be some outdoor seating restrictions depending on the size and behavior of the pet.It's always a good idea to call ahead and check with the restaurant to ensure that you and your furry friend will be able to enjoy a meal together.ConclusionIn conclusion, Fort Myers at night is a true hidden gem, offering a plethora of exciting activities and experiences.From indulging in delicious seafood and live music at vibrant dining venues, to exploring unique shops and cultural attractions, there's something for everyone to enjoy.Don't forget to visit the largest craft brewery in Southwest Florida for a taste of exquisite craft beer and immerse yourself in the lively nightlife scene.With picturesque beaches and thrilling night boat tours, outdoor enthusiasts will be in paradise.And let's not forget the unforgettable festivals and events that bring the community together for a night of celebration.So, don't miss out on the opportunity to create lasting memories in Fort Myers at night! submitted by Sweet-Count2557 to worldkidstravel [link] [comments] |
2024.05.18 05:03 nakedalienmonkey Thanks for the inspiration guys!! My best one yet.
 | Trader Joe's dough, homemade sauce, pizza stone on gas grill 500 degrees. Super good crunch and sauce was amazing! submitted by nakedalienmonkey to Pizza [link] [comments] |
2024.05.17 16:21 SzTamas56 Every stand I made
Stats:
-Destructive power:
-Range:
-Defense:
-Speed:
-Precision:
-Potential:
1,Mass Hysteria: Hive mind tattoo.
2,Burnin’ God's Light: Makes user invincible by burning down anything that tries to hurt him
3,Never Gonna Give You Up: Handcuffs between the user and a target.
4,Skillet Scream of Butterflies: Bio-armor.
5,Karma Chameleon: Chameleon tattoo as a pet, who makes your skin color change.
6,Lonely Boy: Pajama with a pocket dimension.
7,Deadwood The Mantel: A forest grows from the user and she can freely control it.
8,Pumped Up Kicks: Infinite amount of guns with whistle controlled bullets.
9,Break Stuff: Bullies people and uploads videos about them.
10,Space Ritual: GODDES OF THE UNIVERSE
11,Californication: The cooler California
12,Shot in the Dark: Controls anything as a projectile and can make them to ignore gravity for a second.
13,Black Hole Sun: Reverse sun, makes people insane.
14,STFU: Makes people suicidal by bullying.
15,Sad Machine Emo Girl Ex Machina: A shareable stand bound to a glove, makes holograms which can interact with the real world.
16,Panic Room Unearth: By attaching to people, it shows them their greatest fears and horrors until they die or learn to live with their fear.
17,Monster Dunkelheit: The angrier the user, the stronger it gets, untill the stand takes over the users body.
18,Dare: Makes dares and tests the grammar knowledge of people.
19,Royals: Takes over stands.
20,Girl on Fire Sleeping Sun: A lighter which summons a female humanoid fire.
21,Balls in Yur Jaw Athoth a GO GO: Beatle stand which uses spin.
22,Oh Green World: A crow made out of wines sharing nutrients from the user to anything around it.
23,PSYCHONAUT: Swimming in air by compressing oxygen.
24,Breaking Bad Baby Blue: Re-writes chemical component of (almost) anything.
25,One: Death as a sniper and puts people into vegetative state, vie a rifle.
26,Fortunate Son: Napalm helicopter (wow so creative).
27,Sucker of Pain Cursed in Eternity: Can make the user invincible at the cost of someone taking the pain of it.
28,Gloomy Sunday: Either heals all your mental health problems or stops your happy hormone making processes.
29,House of Ill Repute Scatter and Napalm Brain: A twin pair with motorbike helmets which gives them psychic powers and it gets stronger the closer they are to each other
30,Freak Show Atrocity Exhibition: 3 headed cassowary.
31,Sylvester the Snowman: An imposter made out of snow.
32,Thunderstruck: Flies that take over your nerve system.
33,I am Rich: It makes everyone to believe that the user is the most important, richest and influential person in the world.
34,Nelly the Elephant: A black elephant, which if makes any injury, it will become un-healable.
35,The Nightmare Came Back: Makes a traumatic person to come back as the stand.
36,Little Pig: Makes senses either too sensitive or too numb.
37,Death to Liver: Emits pure ethanol to the air.
38,We Don’t Sleep at Night Sex Murder Party: Makes the user to control lights and her voice.
39,Black Dog: An extremely powerful hound which can only be summoned in dark (4 YEAR OLD SPOTTED PITBULL GO!)
40,Stressed Out Eventually: Converts peoples mind into childish. (Jesus Christ I had an extremely bad taste in music)
41,Who Shot Ya? Ready to Die: A backpack with a little humanoid inside it dual wielding Glocks.
42,Broken Empire of Ants: Breaks down (almost) anything to living ants.
43,BIGGEST MAN Quintessence: An eldritch god chained to the user.
44,Keep Holdin’ On: Aim bot on a sword. (Don't fuck with me! I have the power of God and anime on my side! autistic screech)
45,Purple Hat: A cheetah which makes people to dance till end.
46,My Mind Space Fold: Lead Poisoning: Takes over people after gambling with the user.
47,Casin0 Space Fold: Distortion Makes people to loose their sense of time, space and their short term memory. (I swear I only referenced this because the cool name)
48,B.O.B.: Carpet bombing with homemade bombs.
49,Hentai Scum With Boundaries: Octopus bro, who gives the user heat vision.
50,I Like Your Hat: Comedic death.
51,Be Gone THOT Merciless Onlsaught:Destroys anything that would make the user to learn about the existence of stands.
52,Quay: YOU DON’T RECOGNIZE THE BODIES IN THE WATER
53,Bad: Spits up flies made out of a liquid which makes your blood into acid.
54,Anarchist Rumble: Delete rules and make things glitchy.
55,Takyon: Using tachyons as a weapon. (Veronica my beloved)
56,Electric Avenue: Makes people to achieve their goals by brute force.
57,Holiday: Makes people to see not real wars.
58,Ten Little Reindeer: Ten users who will die because the users before them come back to kill them.
59,Dr. Frankenstein Dr. Octagon: Makes chimeras.
60,You Are An Idiot: A pen drive which infects people to see the You Are an Idiot “music video".
61,Guillotine: An almost indestructible stand with high power, but it can accidentally rip out things (including itself and the user) from the dimension it is inside.
62,Eh: Punches stuff and makes poles.
63,Red Bone: Put people into dreams were they are living their best life, doesn’t last forever though.
64,Death Grips: Tortures people without actually hurting them physically.
65,Gotye: Painting set which affects the things it is used on.
66,Right Behind You: Spy TF2 with Deathringer.
67,Rollin’: Makes things to hover around the user like planets around stars.
68,ULTIMATE: The ideal form.
69,Unknown Brain: The more people know it, the stronger it gets.
70,This is America: Makes guns to appear from nowhere and can make gunpowder explode.
71,Year of the Snitch: For a year it reveals everything about something.
72,The Fever: An extra chromosome which when activates instantly kills the cell it is in.
73,Teen Spirit: A low power punch ghost, but if it gets damage it releases a gas which kills your frontal lobe for a time period.
74, To Be This Way: An arm replacement for the user and 11 more fists.
75, Brand New Pillbox Hat: Vibration amplifier.
76, I've Seen Footage: Remakes shock/gore videos.
77, Money Store: The user can instantly switch places with her 10 meter tall semi dog humanoid stand.
78, No Love: Makes effect of drugs longer and be more effective.
79, Deep Web: Makes hallucinations manifest in a physical form.
80, No Love Deep Web: Can only be summoned if both No Love and Deep Web effects someone, has abilities that depend on the type of drug the target used.
81, Hustle Bones: Shark teeth that can work as crack cocaine.
82,The Carpathian Black Flag: A battle cruiser ship with a small crew.
83, Punk Weight: A giant jellyfish filled with nerve and muscle poison.
84, Birds: Making prophecies, but water can break them.
85, Hacker: Rewrites the source code of everything.
86, Vamos a La Playa!: Summons extreme winds.
87, Bottomless Pit: Tar which took over the user’s body.
88,Spread Eagle Cross the Block: Spread objects cross a large area without changing their volume.
89 and 90, Artificial Death & West East: One finds the one who should be dead, the other kills them.
91, Fashion Week: Teleporting catwalk with explosive grand finale.
92, Runaway: Super Mario 64 TAS.
93, Restraining Orders: Cool hat mixed with seizures.
94, Whatever I Want: Colony of hands that steal whatever the user wants.
95,Blood Creapin' Pagan Terrorism Tactics: Targets bleed uncontrollably, but they can't die from blood loss.
96, Pearly Haired Lady: Goddess giving away stands.
97, Powers That B: Multi dimensional DID with infinite amount of random abilities.
98, Up My Sleeves: A last resort under the user's sleeve.
99, Billy? Not Really: Makes targets to see others as an old friend called Billy.
100, Black Quarterback: The dynamic duo of 2 braindead American football players.
101, Say Hey Kid: Random people are the slaves of the user for no reason.
102, Have a Sad Cum BB: Harasses people when they do anything that grants them joy.
103, Voila: Living shadow making a shadow army.
104, Big Dipper: Bear making gravity weaker and makes pagan religious or superstitious objects work like they are said.
105, Break Mirrors: Shadow monster living in the mirror, and it can be released.
106, Inanimate Sensations: Weirdmageddon.
107, Turned Off: Brain ignores the user and the stand but the subconsciousness is scared from it.
108, Why Lie?: Sociopath makes you his bitch if you lie to him.
109, Beyond Alive: Old lady steals life force and reanimates dead matter in an area.
110, Centuries of Damn: Controlled weather mixed with depressing look.
111, On GP: Universal null point, which can be only accessed if you know the user personally.
112, Black Paint: Parasitic stand which fuses the soul of the user with the target.
113, Death Grips 2.0.: Death Grips but world wide range, can only "attack" stand users.
114, King Kunta: Steals your legs if you get out of its area.
115, Trash: Digs holes that leave into literal nowhere and objects get braked down to atoms if get inside.
116, Steroids: 22 meter long dragon hiding in dead animals, waiting to strike down enemies.
117, Rainbow Bridge: A stand that resurrects the dead and doesn't let the user die.
118, Big House: House maquette shrinks people but lets inside spiders without changing them.
119, C418: Minecraft blocks.
submitted by SzTamas56 to u/SzTamas56 [link] [comments]
-Destructive power:
-Range:
-Defense:
-Speed:
-Precision:
-Potential:
1,Mass Hysteria: Hive mind tattoo.
2,
3,Never Gonna Give You Up: Handcuffs between the user and a target.
4,
5,Karma Chameleon: Chameleon tattoo as a pet, who makes your skin color change.
6,Lonely Boy: Pajama with a pocket dimension.
7,
8,Pumped Up Kicks: Infinite amount of guns with whistle controlled bullets.
9,Break Stuff: Bullies people and uploads videos about them.
10,Space Ritual: GODDES OF THE UNIVERSE
11,Californication: The cooler California
12,Shot in the Dark: Controls anything as a projectile and can make them to ignore gravity for a second.
13,Black Hole Sun: Reverse sun, makes people insane.
14,STFU: Makes people suicidal by bullying.
15,
16,
17,
18,Dare: Makes dares and tests the grammar knowledge of people.
19,Royals: Takes over stands.
20,
21,
22,Oh Green World: A crow made out of wines sharing nutrients from the user to anything around it.
23,PSYCHONAUT: Swimming in air by compressing oxygen.
24,
25,One: Death as a sniper and puts people into vegetative state, vie a rifle.
26,Fortunate Son: Napalm helicopter (wow so creative).
27,
28,Gloomy Sunday: Either heals all your mental health problems or stops your happy hormone making processes.
29,
30,
31,Sylvester the Snowman: An imposter made out of snow.
32,Thunderstruck: Flies that take over your nerve system.
33,I am Rich: It makes everyone to believe that the user is the most important, richest and influential person in the world.
34,Nelly the Elephant: A black elephant, which if makes any injury, it will become un-healable.
35,The Nightmare Came Back: Makes a traumatic person to come back as the stand.
36,Little Pig: Makes senses either too sensitive or too numb.
37,Death to Liver: Emits pure ethanol to the air.
38,
39,Black Dog: An extremely powerful hound which can only be summoned in dark (4 YEAR OLD SPOTTED PITBULL GO!)
40,
41,
42,
43,
44,Keep Holdin’ On: Aim bot on a sword. (Don't fuck with me! I have the power of God and anime on my side! autistic screech)
45,Purple Hat: A cheetah which makes people to dance till end.
46,
47,
48,B.O.B.: Carpet bombing with homemade bombs.
49,
50,I Like Your Hat: Comedic death.
51,
52,Quay: YOU DON’T RECOGNIZE THE BODIES IN THE WATER
53,Bad: Spits up flies made out of a liquid which makes your blood into acid.
54,
55,Takyon: Using tachyons as a weapon. (Veronica my beloved)
56,Electric Avenue: Makes people to achieve their goals by brute force.
57,Holiday: Makes people to see not real wars.
58,Ten Little Reindeer: Ten users who will die because the users before them come back to kill them.
59,
60,You Are An Idiot: A pen drive which infects people to see the You Are an Idiot “music video".
61,Guillotine: An almost indestructible stand with high power, but it can accidentally rip out things (including itself and the user) from the dimension it is inside.
62,Eh: Punches stuff and makes poles.
63,Red Bone: Put people into dreams were they are living their best life, doesn’t last forever though.
64,Death Grips: Tortures people without actually hurting them physically.
65,Gotye: Painting set which affects the things it is used on.
66,Right Behind You: Spy TF2 with Deathringer.
67,Rollin’: Makes things to hover around the user like planets around stars.
68,ULTIMATE: The ideal form.
69,Unknown Brain: The more people know it, the stronger it gets.
70,This is America: Makes guns to appear from nowhere and can make gunpowder explode.
71,Year of the Snitch: For a year it reveals everything about something.
72,The Fever: An extra chromosome which when activates instantly kills the cell it is in.
73,Teen Spirit: A low power punch ghost, but if it gets damage it releases a gas which kills your frontal lobe for a time period.
74, To Be This Way: An arm replacement for the user and 11 more fists.
75, Brand New Pillbox Hat: Vibration amplifier.
76, I've Seen Footage: Remakes shock/gore videos.
77, Money Store: The user can instantly switch places with her 10 meter tall semi dog humanoid stand.
78, No Love: Makes effect of drugs longer and be more effective.
79, Deep Web: Makes hallucinations manifest in a physical form.
80, No Love Deep Web: Can only be summoned if both No Love and Deep Web effects someone, has abilities that depend on the type of drug the target used.
81, Hustle Bones: Shark teeth that can work as crack cocaine.
82,
83, Punk Weight: A giant jellyfish filled with nerve and muscle poison.
84, Birds: Making prophecies, but water can break them.
85, Hacker: Rewrites the source code of everything.
86, Vamos a La Playa!: Summons extreme winds.
87, Bottomless Pit: Tar which took over the user’s body.
88,Spread Eagle Cross the Block: Spread objects cross a large area without changing their volume.
89 and 90, Artificial Death & West East: One finds the one who should be dead, the other kills them.
91, Fashion Week: Teleporting catwalk with explosive grand finale.
92, Runaway: Super Mario 64 TAS.
93, Restraining Orders: Cool hat mixed with seizures.
94, Whatever I Want: Colony of hands that steal whatever the user wants.
95,
96, Pearly Haired Lady: Goddess giving away stands.
97, Powers That B: Multi dimensional DID with infinite amount of random abilities.
98, Up My Sleeves: A last resort under the user's sleeve.
99, Billy? Not Really: Makes targets to see others as an old friend called Billy.
100, Black Quarterback: The dynamic duo of 2 braindead American football players.
101, Say Hey Kid: Random people are the slaves of the user for no reason.
102, Have a Sad Cum BB: Harasses people when they do anything that grants them joy.
103, Voila: Living shadow making a shadow army.
104, Big Dipper: Bear making gravity weaker and makes pagan religious or superstitious objects work like they are said.
105, Break Mirrors: Shadow monster living in the mirror, and it can be released.
106, Inanimate Sensations: Weirdmageddon.
107, Turned Off: Brain ignores the user and the stand but the subconsciousness is scared from it.
108, Why Lie?: Sociopath makes you his bitch if you lie to him.
109, Beyond Alive: Old lady steals life force and reanimates dead matter in an area.
110, Centuries of Damn: Controlled weather mixed with depressing look.
111, On GP: Universal null point, which can be only accessed if you know the user personally.
112, Black Paint: Parasitic stand which fuses the soul of the user with the target.
113, Death Grips 2.0.: Death Grips but world wide range, can only "attack" stand users.
114, King Kunta: Steals your legs if you get out of its area.
115, Trash: Digs holes that leave into literal nowhere and objects get braked down to atoms if get inside.
116, Steroids: 22 meter long dragon hiding in dead animals, waiting to strike down enemies.
117, Rainbow Bridge: A stand that resurrects the dead and doesn't let the user die.
118, Big House: House maquette shrinks people but lets inside spiders without changing them.
119, C418: Minecraft blocks.
2024.05.17 03:38 off_my_chest_11 Broke a bad habit today.
Well I took the first step anyway. I just passed the 48hr mark. (49hrs and 30min but who’s counting? lol) It’s a little after 9pm here and I just got home from the gym.
For a few months there at the end of 2023 I was on a good routine. I was working out 3hrs a day, 5-6days a week. I was eating healthy and losing weight. I didn’t drink if there was an opportunity to train the next day, so I basically only drank on Saturdays and some Sundays. Didn’t have cravings, didn’t get fucked up.
Then in January I got injured. And some emotional bullshit happened. And so I couldn’t train and I couldn’t use training as a way to escape thinking about the emotional bullshit. And each month this year has come with a new life plot twist and/or a new injury.
So I tried to keep to my routine. I still went to the gym after work and watched my team train. I figured it’d distract me and I could still learn some things from the bleachers. But then I’d go home, either early or when the rest of the team did. And I started stopping at gas stations along the way for shitty food and beer.
Now life has gotten to the point where I can maybe start getting back into my old routine. But man, my body is so beat down from the drinking. Alcohol does not help healing, inflammation, joint pain, etc. It makes it worse. It makes your abdomen sore. It makes you sluggish and tired.
I sabotaged my chance to go to the gym regularly this week. And last week. I’ve only been going 1-2x/wk in the past 3wks that I’ve had the opportunity to resume. Today was my only day this week (can’t go tomorrow or Saturday).
When I was done (and man did my performance and attitude suck the whole time), I had to consciously make the choice not to go to the gas station. Not to get a shitty sub and some beers and come to my room and probably finish the beers and probably not finish the sandwich.
I stopped at WalMart for some caffeine for the morning. And I came right home. I put together a homemade burrito from our leftovers. And I grabbed an NA beer from the fridge. And I feel a little better.
My blood pressure still feels very high with a small pressure headache. But I know if I give it a few more days even that will go away. A beer would be a temporary BandAid. Not even a sterile BandAid — it’d be like fishing one out of the trash.
So that’s it. That’s my first step to getting back to the Me That Was from just a short 5 months ago. Life can try to beat you down. But it’s impossible to climb out of those holes when you’re more focused on popping beers than patching yourself up and starting the climb.
IWNDWYT
submitted by off_my_chest_11 to stopdrinking [link] [comments]
For a few months there at the end of 2023 I was on a good routine. I was working out 3hrs a day, 5-6days a week. I was eating healthy and losing weight. I didn’t drink if there was an opportunity to train the next day, so I basically only drank on Saturdays and some Sundays. Didn’t have cravings, didn’t get fucked up.
Then in January I got injured. And some emotional bullshit happened. And so I couldn’t train and I couldn’t use training as a way to escape thinking about the emotional bullshit. And each month this year has come with a new life plot twist and/or a new injury.
So I tried to keep to my routine. I still went to the gym after work and watched my team train. I figured it’d distract me and I could still learn some things from the bleachers. But then I’d go home, either early or when the rest of the team did. And I started stopping at gas stations along the way for shitty food and beer.
Now life has gotten to the point where I can maybe start getting back into my old routine. But man, my body is so beat down from the drinking. Alcohol does not help healing, inflammation, joint pain, etc. It makes it worse. It makes your abdomen sore. It makes you sluggish and tired.
I sabotaged my chance to go to the gym regularly this week. And last week. I’ve only been going 1-2x/wk in the past 3wks that I’ve had the opportunity to resume. Today was my only day this week (can’t go tomorrow or Saturday).
When I was done (and man did my performance and attitude suck the whole time), I had to consciously make the choice not to go to the gas station. Not to get a shitty sub and some beers and come to my room and probably finish the beers and probably not finish the sandwich.
I stopped at WalMart for some caffeine for the morning. And I came right home. I put together a homemade burrito from our leftovers. And I grabbed an NA beer from the fridge. And I feel a little better.
My blood pressure still feels very high with a small pressure headache. But I know if I give it a few more days even that will go away. A beer would be a temporary BandAid. Not even a sterile BandAid — it’d be like fishing one out of the trash.
So that’s it. That’s my first step to getting back to the Me That Was from just a short 5 months ago. Life can try to beat you down. But it’s impossible to climb out of those holes when you’re more focused on popping beers than patching yourself up and starting the climb.
IWNDWYT
2024.05.17 00:47 jonfinazzo UFC Vegas 92: Barboza vs. Murphy - A Breakdown by The Finz
ALL TIME PICK RECORD: 223-156 (verified on my instagram finzchatsmma)
LAST WEEK: 5-7 (ouch)
PRELIMS
SW W Bout: Emily Ducote v. Vanessa Demopoulos
Records: 13-8 v. 10-5
Last 5 Fights: WLLWW v. WLWWW
BW Bout: Alatengheili v. Kleydson Rodriguez
Records: 16-9-2 v. 8-3
Last 5 Fights: LWWDL v. LWLWW
SW W Bout: Piera Rodriguez v. Ariane Carnelossi
Records: 9-1 v. 14-3
Last 5 Fights: LWWWW v. LWWLW
MW Bout: Abus Magomedov v. Warlley Alves
Records: 25-6-1 v. 14-7
Last 5 Fights: LLWWW v. LLLWL
BW W Bout: Tamires Vidal v. Melissa Gatto
Records: 7-2 v. 8-2-2
Last 5 Fights: LWWWW v. LLWWW
LHW Bout: Oumar Sy v. Tuco Tokkos
Records: 9-0 v. 10-3
Last 5 Fights: WWWWW v. WWWLW
LW Bout: Tom Nolan v. Victor Martinez
Records: 6-1 v. 13-5
Last 5 Fights: LWWWW v. LWWWW
MAIN CARD
SW W Bout: Angela Hill v. Luana Pinheiro
Records: 16-13 v. 11-2
Last 5 Fights: WLWWL v. LWWWW
BW Bout: Adrian Yanez v. Vinicius Salvador
Records: 16-5 v. 14-6
Last 5 Fights: LLWWW v. LLWWW
WW Bout: Ramiz Brahimaj v. Themba Gorimbo
Records: 10-4 v. 12-4
Last 5 Fights: WLWLW v. WWLWL
WW Bout: Khaos Williams v. Carlston Harris
Records: 14-3 v. 19-5
Last 5 Fights: WLWWL v. WWLWW
FeathW Bout: Edson Barboza v. Lerone Murphy
Records: 24-11 v. 13-0-1
Last 5 Fights: WWLLW v. WWWWW
submitted by jonfinazzo to MMAbetting [link] [comments]
LAST WEEK: 5-7 (ouch)
PRELIMS
SW W Bout: Emily Ducote v. Vanessa Demopoulos
Records: 13-8 v. 10-5
Last 5 Fights: WLLWW v. WLWWW
- Ducote is coming off a win against Ashley Yoder who was coming off a 2 year layoff herself
- Emily throws with a lot of power but often finds herself getting outvolumed in earlier rounds - she debatably lost RD1 against Yoder but almost got a late round finish with how she pushed the pace
- Against Hill and Loopy, she was kept on the backfoot and was getting outworked by both of them - not bad losses considering those are two elite/crafty strawweights
- Ducote has excellent TD defense as well - the only bad thing is she sometimes leaves openings on the break of a takedown - both loopy and Angela clipped Ducote a couple times on the exit
- Vanessa has a big reach disadvantage in nearly every fight she has fought in, but she was able to record a clean knockdown on Maria Oliviera who had a 10+ inch reach advantage, so I don’t think this matters too much
- One thing about Vanessa is her reach is a$$, so she is absorbing way more strikes than a normal strawweight would - but then you look at Ducote, and she somehow absorbs even more (vanessa 5 to ducote’s 7)
- Ducote lands double the strikes Vanessa does and Ducote’s only UFC losses have been to high caliber competition who have been able to outland her
- I don’t envision Vanessa getting a takedown which is her main path to victory - she does have some punching power but Emily is way more accurate and lands bigger shots
- Vanessa has a chance to get Emily out early since she’s a slow starter, but I think Emily has what it takes to finish the fight here
- Vanessa is debatably on a 2 fight losing streak and the one impressive win she had, she was knocked down very early, so...
- For betting purposes, I think I am staying far away
BW Bout: Alatengheili v. Kleydson Rodriguez
Records: 16-9-2 v. 8-3
Last 5 Fights: LWWDL v. LWLWW
- 1st thing I like to examine is if either fighter has been chinned: Alatengheili has been chinned 3 times, all outside the UFC, to varying levels of opponents; Kleydson has yet to suffer a KO loss
- I rate Alatengheili’s win over Chad Anheliger more than anyone on Kleydson’s resume
- Kleydson has had one convincing win and it was a KO against Shannon Ross - who hasn’t knocked out Shannon Ross? - The other win on DWCS was a complete mismatch as he had a 5 inch reach advantage, and his opponent finished his pro career with a record of 6-4 after that.
- Alan hasn’t broken 50 sig strikes landed in any of his 7 UFC bouts - he throws with power as evidenced in his RD1 KO over Kevin Croom - he had a near 10 inch reach disadvantage in that bout as well
- Both men will utilize takedowns if they feel they can win a round with them - they don’t land many and aren’t good at controlling
- To properly handicap Kleydson, we can only really look at his bout against CJ Vergara since that’s the only one with no shenanigans
- In that bout, he was off to a face start, but time and time again I am seeing that if he is on the backfoot, he is not having a good time
- Kleydson is not good at fending off takedowns, but he is good at reversing positions on bottom at the expense of a lot of energy
- Alan’s main paths to victory are going to be shoot for takedowns and pressure Kleydson as much as he can
- I think alat can definitely do this - in fights he has lost, he finds moments of success - against Gutierrez, he got lit up with leg kicks for 12 minutes and then almost found a knock out against the cage
- Kleydson’s only path to win here is a knockout early - I think Alat has more paths to victory if he can mix in wrestling and continue his forward pressure throughout the fight, leading to a late round finish or a decision victory
- For betting purposes, I do like the idea of a unit on Alatengheili
SW W Bout: Piera Rodriguez v. Ariane Carnelossi
Records: 9-1 v. 14-3
Last 5 Fights: LWWWW v. LWWLW
- Both women have not fought in a year, and Ariane hasn’t fought in 2 years since her loss to Loopy Godinez
- Carnelossi doesn’t handle takedowns well - she has an 8% TD defense - she was taken down 8 times by Godinez and THREE times by LIANG NA THE GOAT
- In the defense of Ariane, she did suffer a knee injury in the first round which left her wide open for takedowns, but surrendering 3 to liang na is not a good look
- Piera, on the other hand, has landed takedowns on every opponent she has faced thus far and averages over 3 per contest
- Another thing to note - Carnelossi’s 2 UFC wins have come against winless UFC competitors - Nunes and Liang have ZERO UFC victories
- Piera lands more volume than Carnelossi and I think she will be able to have her way on the feet
- I have yet to be impressed by a full Carnelossi performance: she did do well against Nunes but she was rocked by Liang in RD1 and was controlled for a decent amount of time
- On the feet, I’d say the striking is very similar although I give the slight edge to Piera
- Carnelossi can also go for her own takedowns here, but Piera has done decent against women who chase TDs on her
- She did get tapped out by Gillian Robertson but I will chalk that up as an exception since Gillian is an elite BJJ practitioner
- Ultimately, I see more paths to victory for Piera - she can clip Ariane, fend off her takedowns, and get takedowns of her own
- Ariane can win by amassing control time and landing a lucky punch, but I don’t envision that happening
- Plus, Piera has been in multiple close fights that were debatably 1-1 after 2 rounds, and she has come out on top in Round 3 in all of them
- If you want to take a dog shot here, not the worst idea - this fight will more than likely be 1-1 heading into RD3 and anything can happen in low level WMMA, especially considering Ariane has been on the shelf for a while and could have been improving her game in that time
- For betting purposes, it’s dog or pass so I am passing
MW Bout: Abus Magomedov v. Warlley Alves
Records: 25-6-1 v. 14-7
Last 5 Fights: LLWWW v. LLLWL
- Both fighters are coming off of short losing streaks, but both fighters were dominated in those fights by their opponents
- Abus is hard to predict - we’ve only seen him in 3 ufc bouts - he got a quick KO finish over Dustin Stoltzfus who had never been KO’d prior, a KO loss to Sean Strickland who simply outworked and put a pace on him, and a decision loss to Caio Borralho
- In that loss to Caio, we learned a lot - Abus is RD1 KO or bust and for him to be -200+ is crazy even knowing his opponent is chinny and has been finished a bunch
- Now let’s look at the Alves side - he has lost 5 of his last 7 and got finished in 4 of those losses - KO’d by Ikram at MW, split decision loss to Dalby at WW which he debatably won, KO loss to Jeremiah Wells where he debatably won RD1, triangle choke loss to Randy Brown where he won RD1 clearly, and a KO loss to James Krause where he was simply outclassed
- Alves has not performed well when he has the reach disadvantage, and he has a 6 inch reach disadvantage against Abus and will be significantly smaller
- It will be fun to see the leg kicks in this fight - both guys love to fire them at will and both have had successful KOs from their kicks
- If I was coaching Alves to win, the blueprint to beat Abus is simple - gas him out with clinch work and takedown attempts and hunt for a late round finish - Abus gasses in every fight we’ve seen that extends past the 1st
- I give Alves the wrestling advantage here - Magomedov might be Dagestani but he’s shot for only 1 takedown in his 3 UFC bouts and was unsuccessful - he shot for 0 against Borralho in a fight he was getting clipped on the feet
- Alves is chinny so backing him is a mega concern but backing Abus is equally as dumb especially at -295
- Both Alves and Magomedov are super active in RD1, so if this somehow extends beyond that, Alves is a worthy live bet
- I am predicting either a RD1 KO from Abus, or a RD3/Decision finish from Alves
- For betting purposes, I’d much rather bet the under 1.5 rds than I would a bet on either guy to win
BW W Bout: Tamires Vidal v. Melissa Gatto
Records: 7-2 v. 8-2-2
Last 5 Fights: LWWWW v. LLWWW
- The narrative for this fight is Gatto is looking for a bounce back and Vidal is the perfect opponent to get that win
- This is actually a move up in weight for Gatto - her last fight was canceled after weigh ins so rather than cutting weight again, she is fighting at BW for the 1st time in her UFC run
- Gatto seemingly possesses all the upside here - she has the takedown edge, she is better at fending off takedowns, and she has the power edge with 2 UFC KO wins compared to Vidal’s one
- Off of stats alone, you would think this fight is going to be razor close since their outputs are nearly identical
- Getting out struck by Montserrat Rendon isn’t the best look for Vidal, but Rendon fights a much different way than Gatto - she is more grindy and clinchy whilst Gatto is more in your face
- Watching the Rendon fight, it is clear what Vidal’s strategy is - she is going to pound low leg kicks until her opponent puts her hands down, then she is going to fire overhangs off of leg kick feints
- Against Rendon, this did not work - Rendon countered nearly every low kick with a cross and got multiple takedowns off of Vidal’s leg kicks
- The Gatto side isn’t super trustworthy in this matchup - when she gets taken down, she is willing to stay in guard for a long time while she fishes for subs
- If this fight hits the ground, I think a finish will soon come after
- I give Gatto the power edge, the grappling edge, and the takedown edge - I believe she can clip Vidal on the way in and get the fight to the mat, leading to a submission victory
- For betting purposes, I like this fight to end in sub
LHW Bout: Oumar Sy v. Tuco Tokkos
Records: 9-0 v. 10-3
Last 5 Fights: WWWWW v. WWWLW
- This fight was put together this week so it’s hard to give a full handicap but I will try my best
- After suffering a KO defeat to Mingyang Zhang in the Road to UFC as a -600 favorite, Tuco went on a 3 fight win streak: decision win against a 3-2 guy, and back to back TKO victories over guys with 1-7 and 19-10 records - his record is insanely inflated
- Oumar has a relatively simple gameplan - get this fight to the mat as quickly as possible - he is a big position over submission guy so you won’t see him chasing finishes on the ground super often
- He is willing to get a sub, and he willing to get a ground and pound TKO, and he is willing to back mount for 15 minutes en route to a decision victory
- Looking at the tape, Tokkos can so easily get his back taken and has let opponents do this such as Clayton York
- I don’t think Oumar is chinny, and Tokkos’s main win condition is going to be an early KO which I don’t see him finding
- Oumar by sub is a risky play considering he is all 3 paths to victory, but I like it when you factor in Tokkos’ proclivity to being taken down by higher level wrestlers
- For betting purposes, I really like Oumar as a parlay piece
LW Bout: Tom Nolan v. Victor Martinez
Records: 6-1 v. 13-5
Last 5 Fights: LWWWW v. LWWWW
- Tom Nolan as a -500 favorite is absolutely crazy to me considering his only UFC performance was a 30 second KO loss, so I am going to try to do everything in my power to look for fade material in this writeup
- Well, I didn’t get far. Martinez is coming off of a KO loss to Jordan Leavitt, who only has one other KO victory in his career (by a slam)
- There’s nothing on tape that would show Martinez is chinny - his KO loss was a knee to the body, and his only other KO loss was his 1st professional fight
- Prior to his KO loss, Nolan was on a 6 fight win streak and a 4 fight KO streak
- Ok - I have seen enough
- Martinez was nearly KO’d in his DWCS fight in RD1 and somehow managed a comeback
- Nolan is getting a quick finish here or he is going to get finished trying - I will take my chances on him though
- For betting purposes, Nolan by KO is a worthy read
MAIN CARD
SW W Bout: Angela Hill v. Luana Pinheiro
Records: 16-13 v. 11-2
Last 5 Fights: WLWWL v. LWWWW
- Can’t really handicap this fight based on stats - Angela Hill been in the UFC for eons it feels like and she is an aging fighter who has liked somewhat decent in her recent fights
- On the feet, I give Luana the power edge - she loves throwing overhands and hooks and throws with vicious intent
- In her fight against Michelle Waterson, she was losing rounds via points until she would clip Michelle with a big shot, thus swinging the round in her favor
- Luana doesn’t throw with much volume, but when she lands, she draws a big reaction which is key for the judges especially in WMMA when the rounds are separated by a razor thin margin
- The question is is Angela Hill the type to get rocked like this? I think not
- Angela is going to turn this into a grindy type fight - she definitely has the fight IQ to win a fight like this
- Angela’s last fight against Denise Gomez is a very good one to rewatch since Luana and Denise share similar characteristics in the fact that they both throw with heat early and they both gas as the fight wanes on
- In Hill’s losses, she was either getting taken down a lot or was outvolumed on the feet - Luana doesn’t throw with high volume so don’t see that happening - Luana does average over 2 TDs per fight but she’s not a high level wrestler like that and I see Angela having more success in that department as well
- Hard to make a pick here - I think Luana will throw the bigger shots, but I also think Angela can grind out Luana along the fence and point strike her way to a very close decision victory
- For betting purposes, I like the over 2.5 rds, but I think this should be a fade
BW Bout: Adrian Yanez v. Vinicius Salvador
Records: 16-5 v. 14-6
Last 5 Fights: LLWWW v. LLWWW
- This card seems to be full of fighters looking to get right after a bad loss, or fighters the UFC is trying to prop up giving them a can to defeat
- This is one of those fights
- Yanez is on a 2 fight losing streak after having big jump ups in competition: he lost to Rob Font by getting absolutely destroyed from his jab, and he lost to Jonathan Martinez by getting absolutely destroyed with leg kicks
- We have seen Yanez in a UFC branded octagon 8 times, and NOT ONE of those fights included a takedown - he wasn’t, nor did he shoot for one and succeed
- Salvador, on the other hand, shot for 2 takedowns against CJ Vergara and landed zero, and he shot for 6 takedowns on Victor Altamarino and landed 1
- For all intensive purposes, this fight is going to stay standing, and Yanez has excelled on the feet against lower level competition
- It is interesting to note: of his 8 ufc bouts, 3 of them were a 1st round KO victory
- Against Randy Costa, he lost RD1 before getting a liver shot KO in RD2
- Against Davey Grant, he arguably lost 2 rounds before winning a split decision
- Salvador has had one impressive performance and it was a KO win against Shannon Ross, and who hasn’t KO’d Shannon Ross
- Watching the tape on his fights against CJ and Altamarino, you can see a couple of things: he does badly against guys that mix in TDs (Yanez will not), and he throws with vicious intent just like Yanez. If he has you pressed against the cage, you better bite down on the mouthpiece and hope for success.
- Salvador is also moving up a weight class so his chin might be better and he may have more power
- Ultimately, I’ve always thought of Yanez as having Top-15 level talent, and I cannot expect him to lose here
- For betting purposes, I may throw Yanez in a parlay or simply bet this fight to end in KO
WW Bout: Ramiz Brahimaj v. Themba Gorimbo
Records: 10-4 v. 12-4
Last 5 Fights: WLWLW v. WWLWL
- Pretty simple to breakdown Braimaj - he has 10 wins, all by submission, and 3 losses by decision, and the 1 ko loss he has could have went to a decision but his ear was falling off so the doctor had to step in - he also has not fought since 2022 whilst Themba has been super active in the UFC recently and has shown huge improvements fight to fight
- In fights that stay standing, Brahimaj has been pummeled - he barely shot for a takedown against Max Griffin and was brutalized on the feet for 3 rounds until the ref stepped in for his ear
- We know Ramiz’s game, but does Themba have the tools to expose Ramiz’ weaknesses and negate his strengths?
- Well, Themba has 2 Guillotine losses on his record - it is concerning how he keeps his neck out there to be taken when he shoots for a takedown
- I am hoping Themba has improved his FIGHT IQ since his Fletcher fight since he has a new team and new camp - if he shoots for takedowns, he might be cooked with a Ramiz gilly
- Themba recorded a nasty knockdown on Takashi Soto in their bout - I see this fight going similarly
- Themba losing by gilly is the only way I see him losing - if he goes in for a lazy takedown perhaps
- Outside of that, Themba has KO power shown in his most recent performance, has striking ability shown in his Soto performance, and has sub/back mount ability, which has been shown in all his UFC fights thus far
- For betting purposes, I really like Themba as a straight pick
WW Bout: Khaos Williams v. Carlston Harris
Records: 14-3 v. 19-5
Last 5 Fights: WLWWL v. WWLWW
- On the surface, this appears to be a striker v. grappler matchup, but I wouldn’t go so far as to say that - Carlston definitely has hands outside of his elite grappling - Khaos, yeah, he’s mainly a striker
- If this fight stays standing, I give Khaos the slight edge - he doubles Carlston’s output and 3 KO victories compared to Carlston’s 1
- Wathcing over his last few fights - Khaos fights in a very particular manner - he charges in with a flurry of power shots and is willing to get point fought to a decision if he doesn’t land a KO blow
- He has a split loss to Randy Brown which was super close, and it was only close because of the occasional power shot Khaos landed
- He has a decision win against Bodoya in a fight I could have seen him lose, but his big power flurries are what got him the W
- He is very good at fending off takedowns as he fended off 4 of Randy Brown’s attempts and 2 of Bodoya’s, but we also haven’t seen him tested against elite wrestlers (Carlston is not an elite wrestler, mind you)
- Now looking at Harris - not the best striker but he has excellent clinch work if he gets close and excellent BJJ if the fight somehow hits the mat
- One thing I noticed in his Wells fight - he got dominated for 2 rounds and nearly subbed, but it wasn’t because he was taken down - rather, he kinda almost threw himself at the ground and Wells followed him
- Against Gooden, he showcased his clinch work and showed he has pretty good takedowns
- This is a match of question marks: We haven’t really seen Khaos’ grappling/wrestling on display yet, and we haven’t seen what happens if Carlston Harris is forced to stand and abandon his wrestling for 3 rounds
- If we’re going by paths to victory, it’ll be a long night for Harris if he can’t get a takedown
- Khaos I think just has more ways to win: he can get the knockout since we’ve seen Harris recently chinned; he can get the decision victory if he outlanding Harris as well
- BUT... after reviewing Khaos v Michel Pereira, how on earth can you pick this man?
- Pereira landed takedowns at will and nearly got a RNC on khaos - if harris gets into similar spots, it should be wraps
- For betting purposes, I really like Carlston as a straight pick
FeathW Bout: Edson Barboza v. Lerone Murphy
Records: 24-11 v. 13-0-1
Last 5 Fights: WWLLW v. WWWWW
- We find ourselves in the main event and this one is fairly straightforward to break down, not straightforward to provide a pick
- Barboza is coming off back to back wins, one a KO on Billy Q and another a 5 round decision victory over Sodiq
- Against Sodiq, he was nearly KO’d in the 1st, but then he himself almost got Sodiq KO’d later in the bout
- Edson is a super dangerous striker - you didn’t need me to tell you that - the issue he’s had in his career has been not being able to beat the upper echelon of fighters in his weight class
- Edson has recorded knockdown in nearly ALL of his past 10 fights, having 1 in at least 6 of them, even in fights he wound up losing
- Edson does have trouble with the takedown, but I rate Murphy’s wrestling similarly to Sodiq’s - I picked Sodiq in that fight for this reason but Edson turned it up to a whole ‘nother level as the fight progressed
- We have yet to see Murphy compete in a 5 rounder, but we have also not seen Murphy get super tired in the 3 rounders he’s fought in
- Both guys are proven finishers with multiple KO victories, but both guys have also shown abilities to grind out close decision victories - although Barboza often finds himself on the losing side if a fight sees the scorecards
- The level of competition is not comparable - Lerone Murphy’s best wins are against guys that are no longer in the UFC, and even the guys that are, they aren’t the best level
- Lerone leaves so many openings on the feet - Edson’s unique striking is going to give him issues IMO
- Edson does have a chin issue - this is the only concern - he was wobbled and nearly finished by Sodiq in RD1, and Sodiq isn’t known for his striking like that
- Edson was also knocked down twice by Giga and even once by Bryce Mitchell of all people
- Edson is also aging so that could be a factor here, but ultimately, how do you not side with the guy who’s been on a recent career resurgence AND the guy who has fought the higher level of competition AND the guy who has been in 5 rounders before?
- For paths to victory, they both have KO and decision, so can’t really use that to predict either - but Murphy may have a sub path even though he has 0 wins by that method - in his Culibao fight, he nearly got a RNC from his wrestling
- I have seen Murphy wobbled before, and I wouldn’t be shocked to see an Edson finish
- BUT - I have also seen Edson wobbled and KO’d by lesser competition, and I have seen Murphy utilize his grappling before
- For betting purposes, I like Lerone Murphy straight up - his win conditions are too volatile in this matchup
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2024.05.16 11:41 Wararabi Regarding :”bestemmingsplan”, how to find an location for an Asian street food shop
Hello everyone, thank you so much for clicking into this page.
I am planing to open a street food shop. Our shop will be focus on drinks and homemade dessert, just like coffee place, and we will like it to have some seats, and also provide takeaway.
I am looking for a place to open this shop, but I am confused by bestemmingsplan.
“Horeca” is suitable for restaurant which I understand, but close to centrum there is a destination that is called “Mengformule“.
I found there is a page explain what to do with the “Mengformule”.
https://www.amsterdam.nl/veelgevraagd/ik-heb-een-winkel-en-wil-ook-eten-en-drinken-serveren-mag-dat-0c3b8-kp
But I was confused by
Please let me know it you have some answers regarding to my questions!
Many thanks:) :)
submitted by Wararabi to Amsterdam [link] [comments]
I am planing to open a street food shop. Our shop will be focus on drinks and homemade dessert, just like coffee place, and we will like it to have some seats, and also provide takeaway.
I am looking for a place to open this shop, but I am confused by bestemmingsplan.
“Horeca” is suitable for restaurant which I understand, but close to centrum there is a destination that is called “Mengformule“.
I found there is a page explain what to do with the “Mengformule”.
https://www.amsterdam.nl/veelgevraagd/ik-heb-een-winkel-en-wil-ook-eten-en-drinken-serveren-mag-dat-0c3b8-kp
But I was confused by
- About “Mengformule”
- If I open a shop that also sell Asian products, then I could rent this kinds of property and sell homemade food?
- Could I use all kinds of equipment for horeca (for example:gas stove, oven….) or there are another rules for that?
- How to calculate “ you may designate a maximum of 20 percent of the retail space for catering activities (with a maximum of 20m²).” If I put some chairs inside the shop, are they calculated as horeca space? or retail space?
- After I started to seeking the locations, I found there are many properties are rented as a retail. However, actually I could see in the pictures that there was a takeaway catering before. Why did the property destination change? Is is change by goverment? or landlord doesn’t want to rent it to a horeca related bussinese? or just the former company didn’t follow the rule?
- About property broker
- Last question is, I’ve already contacted many agency through their website, but it already 3-7 days ago, and I’ve rarely got responce. I was wondering if it is beacuse I’m a non dutch speaker, so they have less interested to contact me, or actually that is normal time how long the respone will get.
Please let me know it you have some answers regarding to my questions!
Many thanks:) :)
2024.05.16 09:15 Disastrous_Pattern_3 Don't go backpacking in Tahoe National Forest
Warning: Mentions of violence, blood, and some self harm near the end.
While browsing some random conspiracy site, I found what is a supposedly leaked file from the Nevada County Sheriff's Department; however, nothing has been confirmed. According to the OP, it is believed the following is the personal account of a 21 year old Jonathan Ashford of Grass Valley, California. Normally I would write stuff like this off but this one is...different. I’ve done my best to correct most of the grammar and misspelling while at the same time trying to avoid skewing the original account.
-September 15, 2022
I’ve never really been an outdoor person. Well, I guess that’s because I’ve never really been outdoors much in the first place. And that’s because I guess…I've never been invited? I don’t really have any friends. So, needless to say, I was surprised to find myself on a backpacking trip with a group of 5 other students from my university. The plan was five days in Tahoe National Forest some place called Mystery Lake. Monday-Friday. I don’t know why they decided to do it during the week. Most of us had okay grades at best and part time jobs on the side so taking a week off of it all seemed at the very least a bit irresponsible; and yet, I went anyway. Listen, I didn’t plan it, okay? This was one of my only chances to get to know people. The hike wasn’t too long but my genius self who had only been backpacking once when I was around 9 years old or so decided to carry 60 pounds of bullshit up the mountain resulting in my shoulders being sore and raw for the foreseeable future.
-10:11 PM
To be honest, I don’t really know why they let me come with them. I only know one of them and the group has been ignoring me for pretty much the entire trip. I was always bringing up the back on the hike in and I set up my tent outside of the main camp behind some trees. I haven’t eaten any meals with them or talked to them or, now that I think about it, anything really. Regardless. The trip has been an experience. Hopefully things get more exciting tomorrow.
-September 16
I’ve only ever slept in a tent a couple times so the new environment and lack of sleeping pills resulted in quite a restless night. I woke up at about eleven; everyone else was gone. I remembered they were talking about a day hike on a trail headed north so assuming that’s where they went, I hurried to get dressed and grabbed some granola bars. I’m about to head out. I hope I find them.
-12:21 PM
I’d been briskly walking for around an hour and was feeling quite exhausted so when I heard the group’s voices off in the distance I was very relieved. I started to jog in their direction when–when this jolt or–wave of energy flooded my mind. My head instantly started throbbing and my vision went blurry. The best way I could describe it is–TV static? Like the old TVs that would go all staticky when the signal got bad. I could barely make out shapes and a space in the middle of my vision was especially dark to the point where I couldn’t see past it. That wasn’t the worst of it, though. God no, if only I was that lucky. I can still hear the shrieking. That goddamn shrieking. In an instant all I could hear was this sharp, scratchy shrieking. It pierced through my ears and rooted itself in my head. I think I cried out in pain but even if I did I couldn’t have heard it. It was as if the damned souls of hell all cried out in eternal pain all at once and begged for death. I gripped and pulled at my hair, hardly noticing the pain that resulted from it as I fell to my knees in agony before…
I slowly opened my eyes. My head hurt and there was a slight buzzing in my ears. I lay in a pile of ivy next to a fallen log, my back dampened from the cool soil beneath me. I stood up, the hill on which I previously stood was nowhere in sight. As I leaned my shoulder against a tree to steady myself I heard voices. Cautiously, I walked through the foliage as the low vines dragged along my ankles. As I walked, I looked up. The falling sun cast a soft orange glow across the sky. It was probably around five O’clock or so. I climbed up on a large rock only to realize I was near the main camp. I pin-pointed the voices of my fellow campers as they huddled around a low-burning campfire. As I sat down to listen to them speak I could sense a strong feeling of uneasiness resonating from the group. Then it hit me.
“Are you sure you haven’t seen her since earlier this afternoon?” One of them said, I think his name was Matthew? He was tall and lean, by far the tallest in the group.
“I’m sure! It just doesn’t make sense. One minute she was behind me going on about who knows what and then the next when I turn around she’s gone!” A girl with light brown hair said. I didn’t know her name. I could see tears forming at the corner of her eyes as the wind blew her hair into her face.
“We need to find her before it gets dark. Groups of two; stick together!” A shorter man with brown hair said. Ryan. He was the only one I knew. We weren’t friends. Definitely not. But he was nice enough to me in the classes we had together and I was grateful that I was able to go on the trip with him. As he walked past the boulder I sat beside, paying me no mind, I saw his lower lip quiver as his wide eyes looked straight ahead. He was more nervous than he led on. I zoned out for a few seconds, the static from earlier crawling its way into the corners of my vision when a chipmunk climbing a tree snapped me back to reality and I realized I had been left at camp. I looked around at the tall forest but the group was nowhere in sight. I assumed they wanted me to wait at camp in case the missing girl, Alice, came back, but as I moved toward the dying campfire the call of nature occupied my thoughts. I found a spade and a roll of toilet paper and strode briskly into the forest, the cool Autumn air rushing against my chapped lips as I walked. I reached over to scratch an itch on my arm when I saw it.
“The fuck?” I wondered out loud. There on my upper forearm was…a bite mark. I rattled my brain trying to think what could have made that kind of mark. As I examined it more I confirmed my suspicions. It seemed human. At least I think it was human. It’s not like there are any goddamn monkeys native to Middle of Nowhere, California. There was also a dark purple bruise on my lower forearm. Didn’t remember getting that either.
I looked around for a good spot. Stepping over a log, I set my foot down on something soft. It was Alice. Her right hand crushed and mangled and a dried trickle of blood at the corner of her mouth had pooled on a flattened leaf. I screamed, tripping and falling back in the direction I hoped was the camp. As I jumped over a rock I landed hard on my left ankle as a streak of pain shot up through my body. I was trying to get back up when I heard it. The screeching. It steadily yet quickly faded in until it flooded my hearing. My vision was clouded by that same static. I curled up into a ball, kicking at the air. My eyes watered and I felt the urge to vomit…
A wave of dizziness hit me as I opened my eyes and fell on my tailbone, pain shooting up my back. I lay down on my back and looked up at the trees, my nose bloody. It was still dark. Had I been standing? I tried to recall what I had been doing but all I remembered were faded images. One thing I didn’t forget was the screeching. All that I could remember was covered by that screeching and a faint veil of that static. Just thinking about it made my head throb.
A groan. I nearly jumped out of my skin as I turned to look in the sound’s direction. It was David. He looked injured, lying on the ground, but quickly crawled back in what looked like fear when he saw me.
“You bitch!” He muttered between gritted teeth. Before I could react he was up on his feet charging in my direction. I tried to doge him but the wind was quickly knocked out of me as he headbutted me in the stomach. I fell back onto the ground and between coughs I saw him running towards me. Before he could deliver a heavy stomp to my chest I caught his foot and kicked up into his groin. He stumbled back with a low yelp of pain and, taking my chance while he was stunned, I stood up as fast as I could and prepared to block another attack. He ran up to me and attempted to deliver a blow to my stomach with his right fist, leaving his upper body undefended; I used the opportunity to send a hard punch into the side of his neck. He fell back choking, tears in his eyes. As he tried to sit down he tripped on a root and hit his head on a nearby boulder with a sickening crack. He squirmed for a moment, then nothing.
Silence. There was a faint red stain on the side of the rock, and beneath his blood-stained hair, his head seemed unnervingly misshapen. The closer I looked, the more I saw. Bruised neck, flowing blood, even some pinkish bone exposed near the worst of the damage to his skull. The fall must’ve been worse than I thought. Why would he attack me? What was wrong with him? Had he mistaken me for someone else? I sat against the blood-stained boulder and leaned my head back. I’m exhausted. Everything hurts. My ankle is throbbing. I can’t remember how long it’s been since I’ve slept and I don’t know what to do. I should probably go try to find the camp but…I’m too tired. I think I’m going to go to sleep now.
-September 18
I slept through the entire day and most of the night! Or, at least I think I did. The more I think about it I’m not so sure. It’s like 2:30 AM, glad my phone still works even if my brain doesn’t, just wish I had signal. I’m not sure what to do but I might try to go find
-4:29 AM
Something’s definitely out here with us. Or–me. Not sure how many of the others are left out here. I’m sure that shrieking is tied to something. I heard something off in the distance while writing and decided to go check it out. It was Matthew and that other girl. They were walking briskly and their eyes seemed to be darting around frantically. They were talking in hushed tones but from what I heard they found Alice's body, and they were worried. I was about to reveal myself to them when the shrieking came back. It hit me like a train, and sometimes I think a train would have hurt less. It felt like it lasted for hours, I bit a hole through my lip and fell off of the boulder I was sitting on. I couldn’t see anything except a dark patch of static in the middle of my vision surrounded by more static. All the cuts and bruises in my body seemed to amplify and I could barely breathe. I just wanted it to stop but it wouldn’t. It wouldn’t stop.
The two were dead when I came to. I wasn’t much better off myself. No matter how much I spit I can’t get the taste of blood out of my mouth. My arms are covered in cuts and bruises and my shoulder was dislocated. That was a fun half hour figuring out how to put it back in place. I think whatever is out here with us clouds your vision and makes it impossible to hear anything as a way to hunt you. I’m amazed it hasn’t killed me yet. I hope Ryan is still out there.
-6:06 AM
It’s been a long night. A really long night. I found Ryan but–but now I wish I hadn’t. It was around five AM I think, I had been aimlessly wandering through the forest looking for something, anything. By the most unlucky luck Ryan came stumbling around a tree. When he saw me his eyes went wide.
“Jon, what the hell?” Then he squinted his eyes and seemed to notice the wounds on my arm.
“Oh god,” he said. Then, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small knife, glaring at me during the process. Before I could reply, he charged me, knife in hand. I–I didn't want to kill him. I really didn’t. He tackled me to the ground, forcing the knife close to my chest. I desperately tried to push him away and being the stronger one, I knocked him off me. As he hurried to get back on top of me I sent my right leg flying into his arm, knocking the knife from his hand. Before he realized what was happening I grabbed the knife from the ground. In what seemed like a last desperate attempt he tried to force me down again but, already having the knife in my hand, I quickly slashed his chest and one of his wrists without thinking. I didn’t want to do it. I didn’t mean to kill him! I was just defending myself. I don’t know why he attacked me, what’s gotten into him and David? Is that thing controlling them? They didn’t seem like they were under some kind of spell…I don’t think so at least.
After a soft cry of pain he collapsed and rolled down the steep hill we were standing on. I didn’t bother looking for his body. No point. Odds are that thing would use his body as a trap for me or something. I don’t know anymore.
Somehow I found my way back. I don’t remember how, all I remember is collapsing against a tree out of exhaustion but, here I am at the trailhead. I guess my half dead brain forgot most of it. I don’t know what I’ll do now, I don’t think I’ll tell the police. If they hear that some creepy ghost creature is hiding out in the forest killing my friends I’ll probably get locked up in who the fuck knows where for who the fuck knows what. But, no matter how many or how few believe me, I know something is out there. And I know it’s dangerous. I doubt the bodies will ever be found. That forest is huge and I buried Matthew and Elizabeth, found her name in a backpack she had on.
This will be my last entry. My name is Jonathan Ashford, and I survived something dangerous in the Tahoe national forest. Whatever you do, do not go there. Goodbye.
-September 22, 2022, 5:06 PM
Ryan survived. The police are after me. Apparently he told them I stalked them in the forest and picked them off when they weren’t together. I don’t know what’s happening. There are some gaps in my memory but I know that I didn’t kill those people. I only killed David, and that was self defense. I’m not sure what I’ll do. The police don’t know where I am but I’m sure that won’t last long.
-8:19 PM
I saw an interview with Ryan on the local news while browsing channels. He seemed–off. There were bags under his eyes and his skin was pale. He seemed nervous, shaky. I hope he’s ok. I still don’t understand why he thinks I killed them.
-September 23, 3:12 AM
ok ok. I have a theory. I’ve been up all night thinking and it makes so much sense now. That thing can shriek. Terrifying right? But explainable. The static I still can’t make sense of, there’s no feasible way it could naturally do that. What if whatever supernatural force causes the static can also control people? Maybe that’s why Ryan looks so crazy. It must be controlling him. But why would it want me? Am I immune to its effects? Maybe.
-6:04 AM
They didn’t notice it. It didn’t hit them. When I was spying on Matthew and Elizabeth, right before they were–anyways.
The shrieking hit my ears before the static hit my eyes and in those few seconds, they didn’t notice. It didn’t affect them. They didn’t hear the shrieking. Maybe the shrieking is that monster thing's abilities failing to control me. Maybe that's why ryan-whatever’s controlling Ryan wants me. It’s because I’m a threat to it. Because It can’t control me. When I woke up I was injured, but never killed like the others. Maybe it doesn’t have as much power over me as others.
But why would the authorities believe Ryan? There’s no way his story can add up. Even if that creature, that thing, is intelligent, it can’t be that smart to fake a story. Why are they after me?
-11:42 PM
The police came by today. I was about to update this log again when they started banging on my door. I was able to sneak out a window before they noticed me, glad I live on the ground floor.
Something seemed off about them. I can’t say what but, something, like the uncanny valley effect, where something looks human but isn't. Whatever. It’s probably just my imagination. I need sleep.
-September 24, 2:20 AM
Something is wrong–something is definitely wrong. How did they find me? Holy shit that was close! I was dozing by a couple of dumpsters behind a gas station. Figured it was safe enough since it was out of the way and partly blocked by a fence until I heard dogs barking. Not sure how many of them there are, at least two–maybe three, I can still hear them barking. I figured they were just strays that would hopefully leave me alone until I saw the lights. Damn things half-blinded me!
“Son, what are you doing back here? Can we walk to you?” one of the officers said, his face was clammy and pale, he seemed tired, he seemed–off. I didn’t respond or wait for them to try and get closer, I dashed past them before they could call their dogs on me and jumped the fence, running into the tree line. I managed to climb my way up a tree a ways into the woods before they could get around the fence and send their dogs out. They haven’t found me yet, but they’re still looking for me. I can see their flashlights periodically bathing the tree line in a pale glow. I think I’ll try to wait them out and then climb down and run for as long as I can. Not sure where I’ll go yet but they keep finding me so I’ll have to get creative. Not sure how they’re finding me so quickly and easily, but maybe I can come up with something. Is that–thing finding me? Does it always know where I am? Is it controlling the police? Maybe that's why they looked so…wrong. I don’t know. I’m starting to think I don’t know anything anymore. I keep noticing the static in the corner of my vision occasionally, not sure why.
-September 24, 5:03 PM
I fucked up. Big time. Last night, somehow, I fell asleep. I don’t know how, guess I was just too exhausted. The sound of a helicopter pierced through the top of the tree line. Before I could register everything, I slipped and fell down the tree. I was able to slow my fall a bit by dragging my hands along the tree–hurt like a bitch–but I still landed hard. Can barely sit down. I think I was able to avoid being detected by the helicopter. I’m going to start walking. Not sure where but, I need to go somewhere. The static is constantly in the corner of my vision whenever I focus on it now. Why is this happening?
-10:44 PM
This doesn’t make any sense, I don’t know what's happening anymore! I was wandering through the forest when the static came back. God, it was awful, forgot how bad it was. Hell, maybe it was worse this time. Who knows. This isn’t the weirdest, or worst, part. I woke up in my apartment, I’m exhausted, but don’t have any new visible injuries despite how shitty I feel. Not sure why that thing didn’t try to hurt me, maybe it gave up on trying.
The news was on when I woke up, God I’m so fucked. They found the bodies–the ones that I buried. Of course they found my DNA all over them, used their forensics or whatever to try to explain how I killed everyone. I’ll have to admit if it wasn’t all a setup by some evil entity out to get me it would be pretty convincing. Sometimes–I find myself believing it. I don’t know what to think at this point, nothing makes sense anymore. The static is far more noticeable now. My head is starting to hurt, too.
They haven’t come back to my apartment yet, probably don’t think I would return this soon after they searched the place. I know they’ll be here eventually but I’m too tired to care right now. My brother and his kids used to live a few hours out of town, I think he built a treehouse for his kids somewhere behind the house. Maybe I’ll go try and hide out there for as long as I can. As if that will be very long at all.
-September 26, 6:24 PM
Everywhere I look, everything I watch. They’re always out for me. Everyone is looking for me. The things the police and the media keep saying about me–the evidence that gets released every day, the testimonies, officials saying I have symptoms of psychological problems like psychosis and DID, of Bipolar. More and more–I’m starting to believe it myself. Surely it's that thing. Surely it’s getting in my head…right?
-September 27, 1:03 PM
Made it to the treehouse, glad it’s still here. Had a few close calls along the way when trying to steal food from gas stations but I made it ok. Glad I did, the static is starting to really cloud my vision and my head hurts so bad my ears are starting to ring. I’m not out of the woods yet, that’s for sure. I can sense them...it. They’re trailing me. I think they’re getting close.
I’m so tired, so confused. I don’t know what to do, what to think anymore. What’s next? Maybe I’ll try to get some rest…if I can, that is.
I could try to come up with something, some silver bullet or whatever. I have this one idea, it’s not smart or clever, not even close, but it’s an idea, and it won’t let it–them–it, whatever, win. At least I don’t think it will; besides, surely it has a bigger plan for me, right? There’s no way it would go through all this effort just to kill me…
-4:39
They found me. I can hear them outside. They’re getting closer.
To be honest, I don’t know anymore. Maybe I did kill all those people, maybe I am insane. I don’t know what to believe. There’s so much being said, so many people saying it. I’m just so confused, so tired, so scared.
There's a bomb on the chair beside me, homemade. Glad I grabbed enough supplies to build it. Took me a while to figure it out as well as a few close calls but I think I got it working. They’ll have quite the surprise waiting for them once they find me…
They’re at the base of the tree now. The static has almost completely consumed my vision and my head feels like it’s about to explode. I don’t know what’s real and what’s not anymore. I’m not sure why I was made the target of this, why this is happening to me at all, but regardless of the reason, I won’t let them win.
To the creature, or entity, to whatever is doing this to me: I’ll see you in Hell.
Goodbye
Aside from some generic legal stuff to conclude the report, that’s where the document ends. I’m not sure what to make of it. Definitely a lot to take in. I contacted the OP on the site I got this from but haven’t received a response yet, will update if I receive one. For now my only advice is be careful, and don’t go backpacking in Tahoe National Forest. If anyone has any thoughts or info, please, let me know.
submitted by Disastrous_Pattern_3 to creepypasta [link] [comments]
While browsing some random conspiracy site, I found what is a supposedly leaked file from the Nevada County Sheriff's Department; however, nothing has been confirmed. According to the OP, it is believed the following is the personal account of a 21 year old Jonathan Ashford of Grass Valley, California. Normally I would write stuff like this off but this one is...different. I’ve done my best to correct most of the grammar and misspelling while at the same time trying to avoid skewing the original account.
-September 15, 2022
I’ve never really been an outdoor person. Well, I guess that’s because I’ve never really been outdoors much in the first place. And that’s because I guess…I've never been invited? I don’t really have any friends. So, needless to say, I was surprised to find myself on a backpacking trip with a group of 5 other students from my university. The plan was five days in Tahoe National Forest some place called Mystery Lake. Monday-Friday. I don’t know why they decided to do it during the week. Most of us had okay grades at best and part time jobs on the side so taking a week off of it all seemed at the very least a bit irresponsible; and yet, I went anyway. Listen, I didn’t plan it, okay? This was one of my only chances to get to know people. The hike wasn’t too long but my genius self who had only been backpacking once when I was around 9 years old or so decided to carry 60 pounds of bullshit up the mountain resulting in my shoulders being sore and raw for the foreseeable future.
-10:11 PM
To be honest, I don’t really know why they let me come with them. I only know one of them and the group has been ignoring me for pretty much the entire trip. I was always bringing up the back on the hike in and I set up my tent outside of the main camp behind some trees. I haven’t eaten any meals with them or talked to them or, now that I think about it, anything really. Regardless. The trip has been an experience. Hopefully things get more exciting tomorrow.
-September 16
I’ve only ever slept in a tent a couple times so the new environment and lack of sleeping pills resulted in quite a restless night. I woke up at about eleven; everyone else was gone. I remembered they were talking about a day hike on a trail headed north so assuming that’s where they went, I hurried to get dressed and grabbed some granola bars. I’m about to head out. I hope I find them.
-12:21 PM
I’d been briskly walking for around an hour and was feeling quite exhausted so when I heard the group’s voices off in the distance I was very relieved. I started to jog in their direction when–when this jolt or–wave of energy flooded my mind. My head instantly started throbbing and my vision went blurry. The best way I could describe it is–TV static? Like the old TVs that would go all staticky when the signal got bad. I could barely make out shapes and a space in the middle of my vision was especially dark to the point where I couldn’t see past it. That wasn’t the worst of it, though. God no, if only I was that lucky. I can still hear the shrieking. That goddamn shrieking. In an instant all I could hear was this sharp, scratchy shrieking. It pierced through my ears and rooted itself in my head. I think I cried out in pain but even if I did I couldn’t have heard it. It was as if the damned souls of hell all cried out in eternal pain all at once and begged for death. I gripped and pulled at my hair, hardly noticing the pain that resulted from it as I fell to my knees in agony before…
I slowly opened my eyes. My head hurt and there was a slight buzzing in my ears. I lay in a pile of ivy next to a fallen log, my back dampened from the cool soil beneath me. I stood up, the hill on which I previously stood was nowhere in sight. As I leaned my shoulder against a tree to steady myself I heard voices. Cautiously, I walked through the foliage as the low vines dragged along my ankles. As I walked, I looked up. The falling sun cast a soft orange glow across the sky. It was probably around five O’clock or so. I climbed up on a large rock only to realize I was near the main camp. I pin-pointed the voices of my fellow campers as they huddled around a low-burning campfire. As I sat down to listen to them speak I could sense a strong feeling of uneasiness resonating from the group. Then it hit me.
“Are you sure you haven’t seen her since earlier this afternoon?” One of them said, I think his name was Matthew? He was tall and lean, by far the tallest in the group.
“I’m sure! It just doesn’t make sense. One minute she was behind me going on about who knows what and then the next when I turn around she’s gone!” A girl with light brown hair said. I didn’t know her name. I could see tears forming at the corner of her eyes as the wind blew her hair into her face.
“We need to find her before it gets dark. Groups of two; stick together!” A shorter man with brown hair said. Ryan. He was the only one I knew. We weren’t friends. Definitely not. But he was nice enough to me in the classes we had together and I was grateful that I was able to go on the trip with him. As he walked past the boulder I sat beside, paying me no mind, I saw his lower lip quiver as his wide eyes looked straight ahead. He was more nervous than he led on. I zoned out for a few seconds, the static from earlier crawling its way into the corners of my vision when a chipmunk climbing a tree snapped me back to reality and I realized I had been left at camp. I looked around at the tall forest but the group was nowhere in sight. I assumed they wanted me to wait at camp in case the missing girl, Alice, came back, but as I moved toward the dying campfire the call of nature occupied my thoughts. I found a spade and a roll of toilet paper and strode briskly into the forest, the cool Autumn air rushing against my chapped lips as I walked. I reached over to scratch an itch on my arm when I saw it.
“The fuck?” I wondered out loud. There on my upper forearm was…a bite mark. I rattled my brain trying to think what could have made that kind of mark. As I examined it more I confirmed my suspicions. It seemed human. At least I think it was human. It’s not like there are any goddamn monkeys native to Middle of Nowhere, California. There was also a dark purple bruise on my lower forearm. Didn’t remember getting that either.
I looked around for a good spot. Stepping over a log, I set my foot down on something soft. It was Alice. Her right hand crushed and mangled and a dried trickle of blood at the corner of her mouth had pooled on a flattened leaf. I screamed, tripping and falling back in the direction I hoped was the camp. As I jumped over a rock I landed hard on my left ankle as a streak of pain shot up through my body. I was trying to get back up when I heard it. The screeching. It steadily yet quickly faded in until it flooded my hearing. My vision was clouded by that same static. I curled up into a ball, kicking at the air. My eyes watered and I felt the urge to vomit…
A wave of dizziness hit me as I opened my eyes and fell on my tailbone, pain shooting up my back. I lay down on my back and looked up at the trees, my nose bloody. It was still dark. Had I been standing? I tried to recall what I had been doing but all I remembered were faded images. One thing I didn’t forget was the screeching. All that I could remember was covered by that screeching and a faint veil of that static. Just thinking about it made my head throb.
A groan. I nearly jumped out of my skin as I turned to look in the sound’s direction. It was David. He looked injured, lying on the ground, but quickly crawled back in what looked like fear when he saw me.
“You bitch!” He muttered between gritted teeth. Before I could react he was up on his feet charging in my direction. I tried to doge him but the wind was quickly knocked out of me as he headbutted me in the stomach. I fell back onto the ground and between coughs I saw him running towards me. Before he could deliver a heavy stomp to my chest I caught his foot and kicked up into his groin. He stumbled back with a low yelp of pain and, taking my chance while he was stunned, I stood up as fast as I could and prepared to block another attack. He ran up to me and attempted to deliver a blow to my stomach with his right fist, leaving his upper body undefended; I used the opportunity to send a hard punch into the side of his neck. He fell back choking, tears in his eyes. As he tried to sit down he tripped on a root and hit his head on a nearby boulder with a sickening crack. He squirmed for a moment, then nothing.
Silence. There was a faint red stain on the side of the rock, and beneath his blood-stained hair, his head seemed unnervingly misshapen. The closer I looked, the more I saw. Bruised neck, flowing blood, even some pinkish bone exposed near the worst of the damage to his skull. The fall must’ve been worse than I thought. Why would he attack me? What was wrong with him? Had he mistaken me for someone else? I sat against the blood-stained boulder and leaned my head back. I’m exhausted. Everything hurts. My ankle is throbbing. I can’t remember how long it’s been since I’ve slept and I don’t know what to do. I should probably go try to find the camp but…I’m too tired. I think I’m going to go to sleep now.
-September 18
I slept through the entire day and most of the night! Or, at least I think I did. The more I think about it I’m not so sure. It’s like 2:30 AM, glad my phone still works even if my brain doesn’t, just wish I had signal. I’m not sure what to do but I might try to go find
-4:29 AM
Something’s definitely out here with us. Or–me. Not sure how many of the others are left out here. I’m sure that shrieking is tied to something. I heard something off in the distance while writing and decided to go check it out. It was Matthew and that other girl. They were walking briskly and their eyes seemed to be darting around frantically. They were talking in hushed tones but from what I heard they found Alice's body, and they were worried. I was about to reveal myself to them when the shrieking came back. It hit me like a train, and sometimes I think a train would have hurt less. It felt like it lasted for hours, I bit a hole through my lip and fell off of the boulder I was sitting on. I couldn’t see anything except a dark patch of static in the middle of my vision surrounded by more static. All the cuts and bruises in my body seemed to amplify and I could barely breathe. I just wanted it to stop but it wouldn’t. It wouldn’t stop.
The two were dead when I came to. I wasn’t much better off myself. No matter how much I spit I can’t get the taste of blood out of my mouth. My arms are covered in cuts and bruises and my shoulder was dislocated. That was a fun half hour figuring out how to put it back in place. I think whatever is out here with us clouds your vision and makes it impossible to hear anything as a way to hunt you. I’m amazed it hasn’t killed me yet. I hope Ryan is still out there.
-6:06 AM
It’s been a long night. A really long night. I found Ryan but–but now I wish I hadn’t. It was around five AM I think, I had been aimlessly wandering through the forest looking for something, anything. By the most unlucky luck Ryan came stumbling around a tree. When he saw me his eyes went wide.
“Jon, what the hell?” Then he squinted his eyes and seemed to notice the wounds on my arm.
“Oh god,” he said. Then, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small knife, glaring at me during the process. Before I could reply, he charged me, knife in hand. I–I didn't want to kill him. I really didn’t. He tackled me to the ground, forcing the knife close to my chest. I desperately tried to push him away and being the stronger one, I knocked him off me. As he hurried to get back on top of me I sent my right leg flying into his arm, knocking the knife from his hand. Before he realized what was happening I grabbed the knife from the ground. In what seemed like a last desperate attempt he tried to force me down again but, already having the knife in my hand, I quickly slashed his chest and one of his wrists without thinking. I didn’t want to do it. I didn’t mean to kill him! I was just defending myself. I don’t know why he attacked me, what’s gotten into him and David? Is that thing controlling them? They didn’t seem like they were under some kind of spell…I don’t think so at least.
After a soft cry of pain he collapsed and rolled down the steep hill we were standing on. I didn’t bother looking for his body. No point. Odds are that thing would use his body as a trap for me or something. I don’t know anymore.
Somehow I found my way back. I don’t remember how, all I remember is collapsing against a tree out of exhaustion but, here I am at the trailhead. I guess my half dead brain forgot most of it. I don’t know what I’ll do now, I don’t think I’ll tell the police. If they hear that some creepy ghost creature is hiding out in the forest killing my friends I’ll probably get locked up in who the fuck knows where for who the fuck knows what. But, no matter how many or how few believe me, I know something is out there. And I know it’s dangerous. I doubt the bodies will ever be found. That forest is huge and I buried Matthew and Elizabeth, found her name in a backpack she had on.
This will be my last entry. My name is Jonathan Ashford, and I survived something dangerous in the Tahoe national forest. Whatever you do, do not go there. Goodbye.
-September 22, 2022, 5:06 PM
Ryan survived. The police are after me. Apparently he told them I stalked them in the forest and picked them off when they weren’t together. I don’t know what’s happening. There are some gaps in my memory but I know that I didn’t kill those people. I only killed David, and that was self defense. I’m not sure what I’ll do. The police don’t know where I am but I’m sure that won’t last long.
-8:19 PM
I saw an interview with Ryan on the local news while browsing channels. He seemed–off. There were bags under his eyes and his skin was pale. He seemed nervous, shaky. I hope he’s ok. I still don’t understand why he thinks I killed them.
-September 23, 3:12 AM
ok ok. I have a theory. I’ve been up all night thinking and it makes so much sense now. That thing can shriek. Terrifying right? But explainable. The static I still can’t make sense of, there’s no feasible way it could naturally do that. What if whatever supernatural force causes the static can also control people? Maybe that’s why Ryan looks so crazy. It must be controlling him. But why would it want me? Am I immune to its effects? Maybe.
-6:04 AM
They didn’t notice it. It didn’t hit them. When I was spying on Matthew and Elizabeth, right before they were–anyways.
The shrieking hit my ears before the static hit my eyes and in those few seconds, they didn’t notice. It didn’t affect them. They didn’t hear the shrieking. Maybe the shrieking is that monster thing's abilities failing to control me. Maybe that's why ryan-whatever’s controlling Ryan wants me. It’s because I’m a threat to it. Because It can’t control me. When I woke up I was injured, but never killed like the others. Maybe it doesn’t have as much power over me as others.
But why would the authorities believe Ryan? There’s no way his story can add up. Even if that creature, that thing, is intelligent, it can’t be that smart to fake a story. Why are they after me?
-11:42 PM
The police came by today. I was about to update this log again when they started banging on my door. I was able to sneak out a window before they noticed me, glad I live on the ground floor.
Something seemed off about them. I can’t say what but, something, like the uncanny valley effect, where something looks human but isn't. Whatever. It’s probably just my imagination. I need sleep.
-September 24, 2:20 AM
Something is wrong–something is definitely wrong. How did they find me? Holy shit that was close! I was dozing by a couple of dumpsters behind a gas station. Figured it was safe enough since it was out of the way and partly blocked by a fence until I heard dogs barking. Not sure how many of them there are, at least two–maybe three, I can still hear them barking. I figured they were just strays that would hopefully leave me alone until I saw the lights. Damn things half-blinded me!
“Son, what are you doing back here? Can we walk to you?” one of the officers said, his face was clammy and pale, he seemed tired, he seemed–off. I didn’t respond or wait for them to try and get closer, I dashed past them before they could call their dogs on me and jumped the fence, running into the tree line. I managed to climb my way up a tree a ways into the woods before they could get around the fence and send their dogs out. They haven’t found me yet, but they’re still looking for me. I can see their flashlights periodically bathing the tree line in a pale glow. I think I’ll try to wait them out and then climb down and run for as long as I can. Not sure where I’ll go yet but they keep finding me so I’ll have to get creative. Not sure how they’re finding me so quickly and easily, but maybe I can come up with something. Is that–thing finding me? Does it always know where I am? Is it controlling the police? Maybe that's why they looked so…wrong. I don’t know. I’m starting to think I don’t know anything anymore. I keep noticing the static in the corner of my vision occasionally, not sure why.
-September 24, 5:03 PM
I fucked up. Big time. Last night, somehow, I fell asleep. I don’t know how, guess I was just too exhausted. The sound of a helicopter pierced through the top of the tree line. Before I could register everything, I slipped and fell down the tree. I was able to slow my fall a bit by dragging my hands along the tree–hurt like a bitch–but I still landed hard. Can barely sit down. I think I was able to avoid being detected by the helicopter. I’m going to start walking. Not sure where but, I need to go somewhere. The static is constantly in the corner of my vision whenever I focus on it now. Why is this happening?
-10:44 PM
This doesn’t make any sense, I don’t know what's happening anymore! I was wandering through the forest when the static came back. God, it was awful, forgot how bad it was. Hell, maybe it was worse this time. Who knows. This isn’t the weirdest, or worst, part. I woke up in my apartment, I’m exhausted, but don’t have any new visible injuries despite how shitty I feel. Not sure why that thing didn’t try to hurt me, maybe it gave up on trying.
The news was on when I woke up, God I’m so fucked. They found the bodies–the ones that I buried. Of course they found my DNA all over them, used their forensics or whatever to try to explain how I killed everyone. I’ll have to admit if it wasn’t all a setup by some evil entity out to get me it would be pretty convincing. Sometimes–I find myself believing it. I don’t know what to think at this point, nothing makes sense anymore. The static is far more noticeable now. My head is starting to hurt, too.
They haven’t come back to my apartment yet, probably don’t think I would return this soon after they searched the place. I know they’ll be here eventually but I’m too tired to care right now. My brother and his kids used to live a few hours out of town, I think he built a treehouse for his kids somewhere behind the house. Maybe I’ll go try and hide out there for as long as I can. As if that will be very long at all.
-September 26, 6:24 PM
Everywhere I look, everything I watch. They’re always out for me. Everyone is looking for me. The things the police and the media keep saying about me–the evidence that gets released every day, the testimonies, officials saying I have symptoms of psychological problems like psychosis and DID, of Bipolar. More and more–I’m starting to believe it myself. Surely it's that thing. Surely it’s getting in my head…right?
-September 27, 1:03 PM
Made it to the treehouse, glad it’s still here. Had a few close calls along the way when trying to steal food from gas stations but I made it ok. Glad I did, the static is starting to really cloud my vision and my head hurts so bad my ears are starting to ring. I’m not out of the woods yet, that’s for sure. I can sense them...it. They’re trailing me. I think they’re getting close.
I’m so tired, so confused. I don’t know what to do, what to think anymore. What’s next? Maybe I’ll try to get some rest…if I can, that is.
I could try to come up with something, some silver bullet or whatever. I have this one idea, it’s not smart or clever, not even close, but it’s an idea, and it won’t let it–them–it, whatever, win. At least I don’t think it will; besides, surely it has a bigger plan for me, right? There’s no way it would go through all this effort just to kill me…
-4:39
They found me. I can hear them outside. They’re getting closer.
To be honest, I don’t know anymore. Maybe I did kill all those people, maybe I am insane. I don’t know what to believe. There’s so much being said, so many people saying it. I’m just so confused, so tired, so scared.
There's a bomb on the chair beside me, homemade. Glad I grabbed enough supplies to build it. Took me a while to figure it out as well as a few close calls but I think I got it working. They’ll have quite the surprise waiting for them once they find me…
They’re at the base of the tree now. The static has almost completely consumed my vision and my head feels like it’s about to explode. I don’t know what’s real and what’s not anymore. I’m not sure why I was made the target of this, why this is happening to me at all, but regardless of the reason, I won’t let them win.
To the creature, or entity, to whatever is doing this to me: I’ll see you in Hell.
Goodbye
Aside from some generic legal stuff to conclude the report, that’s where the document ends. I’m not sure what to make of it. Definitely a lot to take in. I contacted the OP on the site I got this from but haven’t received a response yet, will update if I receive one. For now my only advice is be careful, and don’t go backpacking in Tahoe National Forest. If anyone has any thoughts or info, please, let me know.
2024.05.15 20:13 Weathers_Writing I think God might be real, just not in the way you think
When I was three years old I was in a really bad car accident. I didn't know it at the time, but that singular event would come to define everything about my life moving forward. What I remember about the accident is mostly a collage of backdated comments I was able to reel out of my father in the following years. He was driving me and my mom in his old '91 Chevy Tahoe through the twisting backroads of Southern Illinois, weaving his way through the gnarled branches of oak trees which interlocked into a braided ceiling overhead. A fog had rolled in, giving the impression that we were driving through a cloudy tube. Everything was simultaneously bright and opaque. I didn't mind though, as I was in the back seat working on a coloring book. My mom was in the front, talking with my dad or turning around to entertain my completed pictures.
Although I was of the age where my memory was just beginning to mature, I still recall two things very clearly from the accident. First was the sensation of breaking. I remember feeling the way a plate must feel to be dropped: weightless at first, then suddenly meeting a much larger, more solid object—the air popped like a firecracker, and the entirety of my body shattered into hundreds of fractals. And then I remember a hand. It was my dad's hand pulling me from the wreck.
I ended up hospitalized for weeks after the crash. My mom was less lucky. The impact had killed her instantly.
As I've alluded to, I was young, and at the time I didn't fully understand the implications of what had happened. I knew something was missing, but it was like a word on the tip of my tongue, or the forgotten vanilla in a cherished cake recipe—coloring my experience, but not the whole of it. Not like my dad. For him, it was the whole fucking cake. He had somehow made it out with only a few scratches. I'm sure he had a really bad case of survivor's guilt, and frankly, looking back, I wouldn't have blamed him if he slumped into despair and spent his days drinking away his sorrow. But he wasn't that type of man. He got help. It took him years before he was able to recall anything that happened that morning, and most of it is still repressed, but he shared with me what he could. Or at least that's what I had thought.
My dad was a Middle School teacher since before I was born, and he kept his job until very recently. As a result, we didn't have much by way of resources. I grew up on Disney Channel and TV dinners for the most part, but I didn't mind. When I became of school age, his job actually made caring for me pretty convenient. Since our Elementary and Middle schools were connected, he was able to drive me there and back each day.
It was around third or fourth grade that I realized I was different. I didn't understand the other children or even the adults most of the time. They would say things then immediately change their mind, or they would talk about something and in the next breath forget its existence entirely. I remember one day at lunch, I had just gotten my tray of hot food and sat down with some friends. One of the kids, Alex, was talking about a stuffed bird he had won for getting first place in Mr. Curtis's pop-up math competition. We were all admiring its blue wings and white belly and sharp black beak and beady eyes. I left mid-conversation to get a chocolate milk. When I came back, I asked to see the bird again, and Alex said "what bird?" I was perplexed. "The bird—the bluejay you were just showing us." I remember all of the other kids looking at me like I was crazy. I figured they were all playing a trick on me, so I got up and went over to Alex's seat and crouched down, looking under the table, then I sprung up and tried to open his lunchbox. "What are you doing!?" he yelled. I felt so confused and embarrassed that I ran to the bathroom to cry.
And then there was another time a group of kids were laughing about a joke one of the girls, Taylor, had made about our homeroom teacher's face looking like a seal. I knew it was mean, but at the time I just wanted to fit in so I played along, but when I made a comment about her resemblance to the semi-aquatic animal, they all looked at me confused. "What are you talking about? We never said that…"
These misattributions kept happening, and it led to me being ostracized from most of the little childish cliques that popped up. I developed a quasi-standoffish temperament which I used as a shield against a chaotic world that I didn't understand. My dad eventually had me tested for ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder), but I passed the test. He asked if I wanted to move to a different town with different schoolmates, thinking that perhaps I was getting bullied, but I told him it was fine. Somewhere deep down I felt like no matter where I went, this problem would follow me.
You may think that I was simply coping with the absence of my mom, and while I'm sure that her absence has left certain holes in my life, kindly, no, that wasn't what was happening. You see, at first I didn't notice the instances of what I'll call "blinking". I simply thought that I was misremembering things: objects, words, events. They were all little things anyway. A bird, a joke, my pencil box. It wasn't until sixth grade that I realized the magnitude of the phenomenon.
I was in my dad's 6th grade Social Studies class and we had just been assigned our "Ancient Civilizations" project which involved creating a diorama of our chosen civilization and presenting its features to the class. My friend at the time, Claire, had taken my first choice of Ancient Rome (which we had a heated argument about at lunch), so I was left with Ancient Egypt. At the time, all I pictured for Egypt was a plate of sand. However, my dad and I went through some illustrated history books and pictures on the internet and he really built up the project for me.
Over the course of a couple months, he helped me shape three pyramids out of small wooden planks and a bunch of tan clay. We placed them in the center of a giant square shoebox lid which served as the container for the diorama. Then he bought some small wooden mannequin puppets and we dressed them up in cloth clothes (mostly kilts and tunics) and colored their eyes, mouths, and hair. We added a few obelisks and some small box-huts which were collected into a little village around the Nile. Finally, we added a light glaze of glue where we felt would be necessary and then covered the whole project with golden glitter.
As we worked on each part of the diorama, my dad helped me understand what we were adding and why it was important to Ancient Egypt. I loved the way he talked about history. He spun everything into a miraculous story. To this day, I don't think I've ever had a teacher who came close to his level of charisma and creativity. As a result, I became really proud of my diorama. I memorized all the little details and rehearsed my speech in front of the mirror for hours leading up to the last couple weeks of class. And then, two days before I was supposed to give my presentation, everything fell apart.
First, I need to apologize for deceiving you about an aspect of my story. I thought it might help you to understand what I was going through at the time. What I'm about to tell you is going to sound insane. I get that. But please hear me out. The truth is that I was never assigned to present on Ancient Egypt; everything else about Clair taking my first pick and dad helping me with the whole project and my excitement leading up to the presentation was all true, but it wasn't a project on Ancient Egypt, it was a project on Ancient Sidovan, which was a civilization located on the eighth continent called "Catalan" (the same name as the spoken language, but unrelated) which was due West of Australia in the Indian Ocean.
I know this sounds incredible, and if you want to believe it's all in my head, I get that, but I remember clearly all sorts of facts about it: the Malagasy, the same people who populated Madagascar, were the first peoples to discover Catalan and settle it. However, about five hundred years later, Indian ships would arrive and create the civilization known as Sidovan. A pidgin language formed between the indigenous population and new arriving Indians called "Hiesa" (pronounced: Hai-E-suh or Hai-ʔ-suh). Catalan had a warm climate with plenty of natural resources, but Sidovan had a dense enough population to require agricultural production. They grew rice, grain, sugarcane, vegetables, and even tobacco.
I remembered all of these facts and more. My diorama reflected the main features of the Sidovan civilization. And then two days before my presentation, I woke up and my diorama was entirely different. The hilly grasslands were traded out for sandy dunes. The Hindu statues and stone palaces became clay pyramids and large spear-like pillars. And everything was covered with the ickiest yellow glitter I had ever seen. Tears stung my eyes as I trampled over to my dad's room and banged on his door. "Dad! What did you do!?" I yelled.
"Honey?" He responded, rushing over to the base of the stairs. "What's wrong?"
"The diorama. It's ruined!"
"It's what?" he asked and ran up the stairs, leading me to my room. He looked over it for a few seconds, checking to see if everything was intact, then said, "I don't see it, honey. Where is it ruined?"
I was completely dumb-struck. What did he mean he didn't see it? "All of it!" I shouted. "The whole thing is wrong. Where's the grass and the stone buildings and the lady with the four arms and the elephants? Where is my project!?"
My dad looked at me in silence. "Lauren, baby, what civilization do you think you were working on?"
"Ancient Sidovan, of course! We've been working on this for months now! Dad, please tell me you remember."
He knelt down and put his hands on my shoulders. "Honey, your project was on Ancient Egypt. There is no Ancient Sidovan."
"Y-you're lying." I protested. "Books, you have books. On your bookshelf."
He took me into his study and showed me all of his books. None of them were on Ancient Sidovan. He even turned on his computer and typed in the name of the civilization, but all that came up was a near match "Sidon". I remember feeling the sudden urge to puke. My entire body felt like it was pumping battery acid instead of blood. "I—I don't," I started but suddenly my head felt very light, and I fainted.
When I woke up, I was in the hospital. I had lost consciousness for over half an hour, enough time for my dad to call 9-1-1 and have the ambulance transport me to the nearest ER. They ran all sorts of tests on me, but they all came back fine. After a couple hours of IV fluids and monitoring, they released me with my dad.
I ended up skipping the rest of school that week. My dad didn't make me present my diorama. In fact, he never brought the subject up again. Part of me was glad. I just wanted to forget the whole thing ever happened. But another part of me couldn't move past what was clearly the most absurd thing to ever happen to me. About a week after the incident, I tried to broach the subject, but when I asked my dad about it, he didn't seem to remember our conversation at all. He said I had fallen ill and that's why I needed to go to the ER and miss class. I felt like I was going crazy. If I was older, I probably would have voluntarily checked myself into a psychiatric ward. But I was young and helpless and alone, and I decided that if I just ignored the changes well enough, I could still get along. This proved difficult though, as the blinking would only exacerbate in the coming months.
Up until the time of the project, I hadn't been able to directly observe the phenomenon. It was always in retrospect that things disappeared. It was during the summer after sixth grade that this changed. I still remember the first time it happened. I had just gotten out of the shower and was drying my hair in front of the mirror. After it was dried, I threw on my clothes then went to tie my hair up in a ponytail, but as I went to set the elastic tie, I felt its weight dissipate in my hand. I gasped and held my hand out. The circular black band was gone.
Fast forward to seventh grade and the blinking had spiraled out of control. Reflecting back on it, most people would probably have assumed I was drinking psilocybin-infused water, as the delusions were somewhat consistent with psychedelic phenomena: except these distortions were real (at least they felt that way to me).
I'd wake up and grab the box of Special K but end up eating Cheerios. The McDonalds logo would look yellow and red one day, but purple and black the next. I'd be watching a show, and then a different show, and then a different one. It was as if the entire universe was a Christmas tree with millions of lights, and the lights kept shifting hues randomly, faster and faster, and I was the only one who could see their changing colors. I remember one night my dad made spaghetti for dinner and we went out onto the porch to eat it. While we were sitting, I saw our neighbor's house, a two story townhome, blink and become a single story bungalow. I gasped, and my dad asked what was wrong, but when I tried to explain he just gave me a strange look. For him, no matter what changed, the world was "always that way". While for me, it didn't have "a way".
The situation peaked when Clair, that friend I mentioned before, disappeared. I texted her (my dad had bought me a BlackBerry at the beginning of summer break) but didn't get a response. When I asked her other friends if they knew where she was, I got the usual "what are you talking about?" look. I knew right away what had happened, even though I didn't want to believe it. I went to the teacher and asked if there was a Clair in our class. She said "no". I broke down in front of everyone. I couldn't take it anymore. I ran out of school. The lady at the front desk tried to stop me, but I just barrelled past her. I kept running until I got to a big park across the street and bawled my eyes out until the police arrived and escorted me home. When they tried asking me what was wrong, I didn't say anything. There was literally nothing I could say that they would understand.
That night I prayed to God for the first time. My dad wasn't a religious man. He went to Catholic church with my mom when she was alive, but after she died he never went back. Still, I knew how to pray, even if I never did it. I copied some of the people I saw praying in movies and interlocked my fingers and knelt down on my bed, stuffing my head into a pillow. "Dear God," I said, "Please, please, please help me." I told Him about my struggles and asked Him to make them stop. I spent an hour saying the same things over and over again. And when I was finished, my little body was so tired, I fell right to sleep.
I knew something was different the second I opened my eyelids. I didn't only feel relieved, but I felt… embraced. I felt like someone was watching over me. I felt like I wasn't alone. I moved through my day with cautious apprehension. I didn't want to get my hopes up only to be let down. But to my surprise, the blinking had stopped. At least I couldn't remember any of the inconsistencies, and to me, that was a win. I began to pray regularly, and the more I did, the more I could feel the sense that someone was looking out for me. It was like I was getting a big hug from some cosmic force that loved me and wanted me to be happy.
I made it a habit to pray regularly. I asked my dad if he could take me to a church, and he agreed to take me to St. Mark's, the same church that he and my mom used to attend. Over time, I realized that the actual church services weren't as important to me as the praying. For whatever reason, there was something about praying that was like a glue for my brain, holding the entire universe together. As I got older, I considered that maybe it wasn't that the changes were no longer happening, but that I simply didn't see them anymore. In other words, maybe I was just becoming like everyone else. Either way, I didn't mind.
In my teenage years, I got into mindfulness meditation. I thought that I'd want to go into religious studies and become a theologian, so I started to learn about Eastern traditions in addition to Christianity. I joined a bunch of different school clubs to meet kids of different faiths: Judaism, Hinduism, Buddhism, Islam. I tried to find a common thread which linked them all and would explain what happened to me as a child. The metaphors of Heaven and Hell, Good and Evil, the Taoist Yin and Yang—duality. Every religion seemed to speak about a way of being that would lead to a better place. In some cases that better place was a physical future existence, and in others it was merely being in contact with the perfection of nature or the present. Metaphorically, the teachings could explain what I had gone through in a kind of loose way, but there were no explicit statements about my condition.
***
I want to fast forward to why I've decided to write about this now. To give you an idea of where I'm at, I'm now 25 and working on finishing my MA in Computational Linguistics. I know that's a bit of a switch from what I was thinking when I was a teenager, but I really only interested in religion because of the value praying afforded me as a child. I didn't actually have much interest in the subject, itself. After my first year of college, I changed to an English major, which ultimately led to me taking a linguistics class and enjoying it so much that I switched tracks in my Junior year. Considering the state of the world, I thought minoring in Computer Science might help me financially in the future, so I ended up charting a path which I figured might lead to something like developing translation software.
Anyway, everything was going fine until a few weeks ago. I was out at an all-night diner with a few of my friends from the program. There was Jeremy, Martin, Bella, Jordan, and Macy. We had been working on a group project together involving modeling construction grammars by generating primitive 3D structures using C# and running the code through a game engine (it's a bit weird, but essentially we were trying to create a multidimensional model for language using a similar but more advanced concept than other LLMs), and just had a breakthrough. It was 2AM though and not a brain cell existed between the six of us, so instead we focused on a different problem: Macy's ongoing breakup with her semi-long distance trucker boyfriend. We tried to explain why Mike wasn't going to work out as we ordered a round of milkshakes and waited for the lone overnight kitchen worker to scoop out three balls of ice cream from the Deans carton for each of us, blend it, then have the server deliver the vintage diner glasses on a plastic tray.
I dug into my thick strawberry shake with a spoon. It was delicious. I kept eating but focused back on the conversation. I remember feeling something odd about one of the scoops, but I was so entrenched in Macy's story that I didn't notice the metal shard in my ice cream until I felt it against my lip. "P-tuh" I spat out the shard and ice cream all in one motion, then covered my mouth which I was sure was bleeding. The silver blade was probably as large as my thumb, and it had two jagged edges, as if it was fastened for the purpose of causing damage. "What the fuck!" I yelled.
Everyone at the table turned to see what was the matter. "Hey, Lauren, you okay?"
I spoke through a covered mouth, using my free hand to point at the table. "That was in my—"
But it was gone.
"In your… shake? Was something in your shake?" asked Jeremy.
I froze. In that moment, the stories of my childhood that I had only remembered as faint nightmares came back in a wave of crushing terror. How could I have been so stupid to think they would simply vanish forever? No, this isn't the same thing, I thought. But deep down, I knew it was. I drew my hand away from my lips and saw that it was dry—no blood. When I looked back up, all of the blood in my veins went cold. My friends were… smiling at me. Their lips were elastic like taffy, stretching to reveal their teeth. I could feel them radiating malevolence, as if the only thing holding them back from picking up their utensils and stabbing me to death was some thinly veiled force field. The moment lasted for what felt like half a minute, then Jordan said two words which made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.
"Found you"
The words ricocheted in my now adrenaline powered skull. But just as he spoke them, the world blinked and my friends were back. Bella reached out and grabbed my hand. I pulled away, but when I saw her concerned expression, I relented.
"Sorry, guys, I think I'm going to have to call it." I said.
"You sure, L?" asked Jordan. "You look like you just saw a ghost."
"Yeah, thanks, but I just…" I stumbled for a lie, but when one wouldn't come, Martin stood up and said he'd walk me out to my car.
"Thanks," I said as I got into my little 2015 Jetta. "It's just been a long day."
"No problem, Lauren. You know, if there's ever anything—"
"I know," I said but didn't mean. Some things just couldn't be shared.
I drove for about five minutes before stopping at a gas station. I pulled in and parked near the back. Then I interlocked my fingers and prayed for half an hour. I apologized for not taking my praying seriously and asked to once again be granted peace. Unlike my younger years, I also drifted into other avenues of thought. I imagined my mom. I pictured the whole arc of my life, all of the little decisions that led me to where I was. I cried for a long time. I felt like that little girl again reaching out for help. I still felt so lost, so out of control; there were so many things missing, and I was so confused.
I decided then to take a trip back home and visit my dad who was now working as a private tutor. He made enough prepping affluent students for the ACT and SAT that he could spend his free time pursuing his real passions: reading and writing. When I arrived at his doorstep that weekend, he greeted me with open arms. "How are you, kiddo? It's been, what? A year or so?"
It was actually more like two years, but I didn't tell him. I just smiled and nodded.
"Well, come in."
The house was almost exactly how I remembered it. Linoleum floors, beige walls, a few scattered pictures, the scent of camomile. Everything minimalist. There was a quaintness, a prettiness to the way everything seemed to be well kept and in a perfect place. From the cherry wood chairs we'd sit in to eat, to the cream-colored loveseat. I felt at home.
I spent the drive thinking of what I would talk to my dad about, but ultimately I wasn't sure what I'd say. I loved my dad, but I think growing up it was easy to see him as naive. After all, arguably the most important episodes of my childhood were completely unknown to him. In that way, I kind of loved him from a distance. Maybe losing my mom also played into that. Maybe I just had trust issues. And after what happened at the diner… Luckily there hadn't been any blinks since.
I stayed for a couple days and he showed me around some of the different coffee shops where he'd tutor kids or write some of his stories. I met some of his friends, mostly other retired or part-time teachers who were in a similar place in life. I was happy for him. Then, on Sunday, he made me my favorite meal growing up: homemade carbonara pasta with chicken and broccoli. The sauce had a few different cheeses, butter, olive oil, and a raw egg yolk. It was the perfect blend of creamy, savory, and sweet. After we ate, he cracked open a scrapbook of some old photos and other clippings he had put together.
We reminisced about the past and laughed whenever I'd cover up one of my awkward pictures. He brought up some stories from school that I had forgotten, naming some teachers that I hadn't thought about in years. Apparently I had started at the end, because as I moved to the other end of the book, I kept getting younger and younger. I flipped to the last pages and noticed a couple pictures of my mom that made my heart sink.
"She was beautiful, wasn't she?" said my dad.
"Mmm," I agreed.
I flipped to the last page and saw a collage of newspaper clippings. One of them was related to the accident. It was headlined: "Two Survive Head-On Collision". After a cursory glance at the text, I noticed something odd. It said, "Both the husband and child, a three year old girl, sustained life-threatening wounds. The husband was found unconscious on the scene. The girl was found twenty meters away from the vehicle, crying." I swallowed, trying to remember back to what happened that day. The feeling of crashing, of the world slowing down, then breaking, returned. And then there was a hand. My dad's hand. Or was it? If he was unconscious, who pulled me out of that wreck?
I looked up at my dad. He was smiling.
I shot up and started backing up slowly toward the door. "No, not you, too. What is this? What's happening? Who are you?"
My dad, or whatever was controlling him, laughed."Oh, Lauren, Lauren, Lauren. You know who we are." he purred as he stood up. He lifted his hands and the lights began to flicker then bend in a way which shouldn't have been possible. Dark figures began to propagate from the shadows along the walls. The pictures nailed there began to blink out of existence. I turned to run toward the door but the handle was gone. Glass shards materialized all around me and swarmed like locusts. Certain I was going to die, I dropped down on my knees and once again turned to prayer, this time asking God to directly intervene and save me.
Everything went quiet.
"Honey? Are you okay?"
I didn't trust his voice. I knew if I opened my eyes, I'd see that awful smile. He was just toying with me. "It's not you," I said in between muttered prayers. "I know it's not you."
"Honey," my dad said, closer. I felt his arms wrap around me. This was it, I was going to be suffocated. I waited for the inevitable crushing weight of my chest collapsing. I waited to break all over again.
"I would never hurt you, Lauren. I love you more than anything in the whole world."
I burst out in tears. "No, it's not you, I know it's not you. You don't exist!"
My dad's weight dissipated. I opened my eyes and saw that he was no longer there. "Dad?" I called aloud. "Dad? Where did you go?"
I checked all over the house, but there was no trace of him. There were still pictures of him all over the house, so I knew he hadn't blinked out of existence like everything else, but somehow he was missing.
***
I left the house and got a room at a hotel, where I am now. I'm sure at this point that whatever is happening to me is no longer random. Something out there is actively trying to hunt me. Maybe it has been my whole life, but only now it can see me—however weird that sounds. If that's right, then God has been on my side trying to protect me from this demon or monster or devil or whatever it is. Regardless, the methods I was using when I was younger are not going to cut it anymore. I already posted my story in several other small circles and have gotten one reply. A man who goes by the name "Trent" (apparently it's an alias). He said that he has some insight into my "condition" and can offer help if I want it. I'm planning on meeting with him tomorrow. I'm not sure if it's a good idea, but at this point I need answers. I can keep you updated with my progress if that interests you, and to anyone who knows anything about what's happening to me, please… I could really use your help.
***
I was just about to post this when Trent sent another message. This is what it says:
Trent: We can do the \*** at **** O'clock. Also, if what you're telling me is true, your mother may still be alive.*
submitted by Weathers_Writing to weatherswriting [link] [comments]
Although I was of the age where my memory was just beginning to mature, I still recall two things very clearly from the accident. First was the sensation of breaking. I remember feeling the way a plate must feel to be dropped: weightless at first, then suddenly meeting a much larger, more solid object—the air popped like a firecracker, and the entirety of my body shattered into hundreds of fractals. And then I remember a hand. It was my dad's hand pulling me from the wreck.
I ended up hospitalized for weeks after the crash. My mom was less lucky. The impact had killed her instantly.
As I've alluded to, I was young, and at the time I didn't fully understand the implications of what had happened. I knew something was missing, but it was like a word on the tip of my tongue, or the forgotten vanilla in a cherished cake recipe—coloring my experience, but not the whole of it. Not like my dad. For him, it was the whole fucking cake. He had somehow made it out with only a few scratches. I'm sure he had a really bad case of survivor's guilt, and frankly, looking back, I wouldn't have blamed him if he slumped into despair and spent his days drinking away his sorrow. But he wasn't that type of man. He got help. It took him years before he was able to recall anything that happened that morning, and most of it is still repressed, but he shared with me what he could. Or at least that's what I had thought.
My dad was a Middle School teacher since before I was born, and he kept his job until very recently. As a result, we didn't have much by way of resources. I grew up on Disney Channel and TV dinners for the most part, but I didn't mind. When I became of school age, his job actually made caring for me pretty convenient. Since our Elementary and Middle schools were connected, he was able to drive me there and back each day.
It was around third or fourth grade that I realized I was different. I didn't understand the other children or even the adults most of the time. They would say things then immediately change their mind, or they would talk about something and in the next breath forget its existence entirely. I remember one day at lunch, I had just gotten my tray of hot food and sat down with some friends. One of the kids, Alex, was talking about a stuffed bird he had won for getting first place in Mr. Curtis's pop-up math competition. We were all admiring its blue wings and white belly and sharp black beak and beady eyes. I left mid-conversation to get a chocolate milk. When I came back, I asked to see the bird again, and Alex said "what bird?" I was perplexed. "The bird—the bluejay you were just showing us." I remember all of the other kids looking at me like I was crazy. I figured they were all playing a trick on me, so I got up and went over to Alex's seat and crouched down, looking under the table, then I sprung up and tried to open his lunchbox. "What are you doing!?" he yelled. I felt so confused and embarrassed that I ran to the bathroom to cry.
And then there was another time a group of kids were laughing about a joke one of the girls, Taylor, had made about our homeroom teacher's face looking like a seal. I knew it was mean, but at the time I just wanted to fit in so I played along, but when I made a comment about her resemblance to the semi-aquatic animal, they all looked at me confused. "What are you talking about? We never said that…"
These misattributions kept happening, and it led to me being ostracized from most of the little childish cliques that popped up. I developed a quasi-standoffish temperament which I used as a shield against a chaotic world that I didn't understand. My dad eventually had me tested for ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder), but I passed the test. He asked if I wanted to move to a different town with different schoolmates, thinking that perhaps I was getting bullied, but I told him it was fine. Somewhere deep down I felt like no matter where I went, this problem would follow me.
You may think that I was simply coping with the absence of my mom, and while I'm sure that her absence has left certain holes in my life, kindly, no, that wasn't what was happening. You see, at first I didn't notice the instances of what I'll call "blinking". I simply thought that I was misremembering things: objects, words, events. They were all little things anyway. A bird, a joke, my pencil box. It wasn't until sixth grade that I realized the magnitude of the phenomenon.
I was in my dad's 6th grade Social Studies class and we had just been assigned our "Ancient Civilizations" project which involved creating a diorama of our chosen civilization and presenting its features to the class. My friend at the time, Claire, had taken my first choice of Ancient Rome (which we had a heated argument about at lunch), so I was left with Ancient Egypt. At the time, all I pictured for Egypt was a plate of sand. However, my dad and I went through some illustrated history books and pictures on the internet and he really built up the project for me.
Over the course of a couple months, he helped me shape three pyramids out of small wooden planks and a bunch of tan clay. We placed them in the center of a giant square shoebox lid which served as the container for the diorama. Then he bought some small wooden mannequin puppets and we dressed them up in cloth clothes (mostly kilts and tunics) and colored their eyes, mouths, and hair. We added a few obelisks and some small box-huts which were collected into a little village around the Nile. Finally, we added a light glaze of glue where we felt would be necessary and then covered the whole project with golden glitter.
As we worked on each part of the diorama, my dad helped me understand what we were adding and why it was important to Ancient Egypt. I loved the way he talked about history. He spun everything into a miraculous story. To this day, I don't think I've ever had a teacher who came close to his level of charisma and creativity. As a result, I became really proud of my diorama. I memorized all the little details and rehearsed my speech in front of the mirror for hours leading up to the last couple weeks of class. And then, two days before I was supposed to give my presentation, everything fell apart.
First, I need to apologize for deceiving you about an aspect of my story. I thought it might help you to understand what I was going through at the time. What I'm about to tell you is going to sound insane. I get that. But please hear me out. The truth is that I was never assigned to present on Ancient Egypt; everything else about Clair taking my first pick and dad helping me with the whole project and my excitement leading up to the presentation was all true, but it wasn't a project on Ancient Egypt, it was a project on Ancient Sidovan, which was a civilization located on the eighth continent called "Catalan" (the same name as the spoken language, but unrelated) which was due West of Australia in the Indian Ocean.
I know this sounds incredible, and if you want to believe it's all in my head, I get that, but I remember clearly all sorts of facts about it: the Malagasy, the same people who populated Madagascar, were the first peoples to discover Catalan and settle it. However, about five hundred years later, Indian ships would arrive and create the civilization known as Sidovan. A pidgin language formed between the indigenous population and new arriving Indians called "Hiesa" (pronounced: Hai-E-suh or Hai-ʔ-suh). Catalan had a warm climate with plenty of natural resources, but Sidovan had a dense enough population to require agricultural production. They grew rice, grain, sugarcane, vegetables, and even tobacco.
I remembered all of these facts and more. My diorama reflected the main features of the Sidovan civilization. And then two days before my presentation, I woke up and my diorama was entirely different. The hilly grasslands were traded out for sandy dunes. The Hindu statues and stone palaces became clay pyramids and large spear-like pillars. And everything was covered with the ickiest yellow glitter I had ever seen. Tears stung my eyes as I trampled over to my dad's room and banged on his door. "Dad! What did you do!?" I yelled.
"Honey?" He responded, rushing over to the base of the stairs. "What's wrong?"
"The diorama. It's ruined!"
"It's what?" he asked and ran up the stairs, leading me to my room. He looked over it for a few seconds, checking to see if everything was intact, then said, "I don't see it, honey. Where is it ruined?"
I was completely dumb-struck. What did he mean he didn't see it? "All of it!" I shouted. "The whole thing is wrong. Where's the grass and the stone buildings and the lady with the four arms and the elephants? Where is my project!?"
My dad looked at me in silence. "Lauren, baby, what civilization do you think you were working on?"
"Ancient Sidovan, of course! We've been working on this for months now! Dad, please tell me you remember."
He knelt down and put his hands on my shoulders. "Honey, your project was on Ancient Egypt. There is no Ancient Sidovan."
"Y-you're lying." I protested. "Books, you have books. On your bookshelf."
He took me into his study and showed me all of his books. None of them were on Ancient Sidovan. He even turned on his computer and typed in the name of the civilization, but all that came up was a near match "Sidon". I remember feeling the sudden urge to puke. My entire body felt like it was pumping battery acid instead of blood. "I—I don't," I started but suddenly my head felt very light, and I fainted.
When I woke up, I was in the hospital. I had lost consciousness for over half an hour, enough time for my dad to call 9-1-1 and have the ambulance transport me to the nearest ER. They ran all sorts of tests on me, but they all came back fine. After a couple hours of IV fluids and monitoring, they released me with my dad.
I ended up skipping the rest of school that week. My dad didn't make me present my diorama. In fact, he never brought the subject up again. Part of me was glad. I just wanted to forget the whole thing ever happened. But another part of me couldn't move past what was clearly the most absurd thing to ever happen to me. About a week after the incident, I tried to broach the subject, but when I asked my dad about it, he didn't seem to remember our conversation at all. He said I had fallen ill and that's why I needed to go to the ER and miss class. I felt like I was going crazy. If I was older, I probably would have voluntarily checked myself into a psychiatric ward. But I was young and helpless and alone, and I decided that if I just ignored the changes well enough, I could still get along. This proved difficult though, as the blinking would only exacerbate in the coming months.
Up until the time of the project, I hadn't been able to directly observe the phenomenon. It was always in retrospect that things disappeared. It was during the summer after sixth grade that this changed. I still remember the first time it happened. I had just gotten out of the shower and was drying my hair in front of the mirror. After it was dried, I threw on my clothes then went to tie my hair up in a ponytail, but as I went to set the elastic tie, I felt its weight dissipate in my hand. I gasped and held my hand out. The circular black band was gone.
Fast forward to seventh grade and the blinking had spiraled out of control. Reflecting back on it, most people would probably have assumed I was drinking psilocybin-infused water, as the delusions were somewhat consistent with psychedelic phenomena: except these distortions were real (at least they felt that way to me).
I'd wake up and grab the box of Special K but end up eating Cheerios. The McDonalds logo would look yellow and red one day, but purple and black the next. I'd be watching a show, and then a different show, and then a different one. It was as if the entire universe was a Christmas tree with millions of lights, and the lights kept shifting hues randomly, faster and faster, and I was the only one who could see their changing colors. I remember one night my dad made spaghetti for dinner and we went out onto the porch to eat it. While we were sitting, I saw our neighbor's house, a two story townhome, blink and become a single story bungalow. I gasped, and my dad asked what was wrong, but when I tried to explain he just gave me a strange look. For him, no matter what changed, the world was "always that way". While for me, it didn't have "a way".
The situation peaked when Clair, that friend I mentioned before, disappeared. I texted her (my dad had bought me a BlackBerry at the beginning of summer break) but didn't get a response. When I asked her other friends if they knew where she was, I got the usual "what are you talking about?" look. I knew right away what had happened, even though I didn't want to believe it. I went to the teacher and asked if there was a Clair in our class. She said "no". I broke down in front of everyone. I couldn't take it anymore. I ran out of school. The lady at the front desk tried to stop me, but I just barrelled past her. I kept running until I got to a big park across the street and bawled my eyes out until the police arrived and escorted me home. When they tried asking me what was wrong, I didn't say anything. There was literally nothing I could say that they would understand.
That night I prayed to God for the first time. My dad wasn't a religious man. He went to Catholic church with my mom when she was alive, but after she died he never went back. Still, I knew how to pray, even if I never did it. I copied some of the people I saw praying in movies and interlocked my fingers and knelt down on my bed, stuffing my head into a pillow. "Dear God," I said, "Please, please, please help me." I told Him about my struggles and asked Him to make them stop. I spent an hour saying the same things over and over again. And when I was finished, my little body was so tired, I fell right to sleep.
I knew something was different the second I opened my eyelids. I didn't only feel relieved, but I felt… embraced. I felt like someone was watching over me. I felt like I wasn't alone. I moved through my day with cautious apprehension. I didn't want to get my hopes up only to be let down. But to my surprise, the blinking had stopped. At least I couldn't remember any of the inconsistencies, and to me, that was a win. I began to pray regularly, and the more I did, the more I could feel the sense that someone was looking out for me. It was like I was getting a big hug from some cosmic force that loved me and wanted me to be happy.
I made it a habit to pray regularly. I asked my dad if he could take me to a church, and he agreed to take me to St. Mark's, the same church that he and my mom used to attend. Over time, I realized that the actual church services weren't as important to me as the praying. For whatever reason, there was something about praying that was like a glue for my brain, holding the entire universe together. As I got older, I considered that maybe it wasn't that the changes were no longer happening, but that I simply didn't see them anymore. In other words, maybe I was just becoming like everyone else. Either way, I didn't mind.
In my teenage years, I got into mindfulness meditation. I thought that I'd want to go into religious studies and become a theologian, so I started to learn about Eastern traditions in addition to Christianity. I joined a bunch of different school clubs to meet kids of different faiths: Judaism, Hinduism, Buddhism, Islam. I tried to find a common thread which linked them all and would explain what happened to me as a child. The metaphors of Heaven and Hell, Good and Evil, the Taoist Yin and Yang—duality. Every religion seemed to speak about a way of being that would lead to a better place. In some cases that better place was a physical future existence, and in others it was merely being in contact with the perfection of nature or the present. Metaphorically, the teachings could explain what I had gone through in a kind of loose way, but there were no explicit statements about my condition.
***
I want to fast forward to why I've decided to write about this now. To give you an idea of where I'm at, I'm now 25 and working on finishing my MA in Computational Linguistics. I know that's a bit of a switch from what I was thinking when I was a teenager, but I really only interested in religion because of the value praying afforded me as a child. I didn't actually have much interest in the subject, itself. After my first year of college, I changed to an English major, which ultimately led to me taking a linguistics class and enjoying it so much that I switched tracks in my Junior year. Considering the state of the world, I thought minoring in Computer Science might help me financially in the future, so I ended up charting a path which I figured might lead to something like developing translation software.
Anyway, everything was going fine until a few weeks ago. I was out at an all-night diner with a few of my friends from the program. There was Jeremy, Martin, Bella, Jordan, and Macy. We had been working on a group project together involving modeling construction grammars by generating primitive 3D structures using C# and running the code through a game engine (it's a bit weird, but essentially we were trying to create a multidimensional model for language using a similar but more advanced concept than other LLMs), and just had a breakthrough. It was 2AM though and not a brain cell existed between the six of us, so instead we focused on a different problem: Macy's ongoing breakup with her semi-long distance trucker boyfriend. We tried to explain why Mike wasn't going to work out as we ordered a round of milkshakes and waited for the lone overnight kitchen worker to scoop out three balls of ice cream from the Deans carton for each of us, blend it, then have the server deliver the vintage diner glasses on a plastic tray.
I dug into my thick strawberry shake with a spoon. It was delicious. I kept eating but focused back on the conversation. I remember feeling something odd about one of the scoops, but I was so entrenched in Macy's story that I didn't notice the metal shard in my ice cream until I felt it against my lip. "P-tuh" I spat out the shard and ice cream all in one motion, then covered my mouth which I was sure was bleeding. The silver blade was probably as large as my thumb, and it had two jagged edges, as if it was fastened for the purpose of causing damage. "What the fuck!" I yelled.
Everyone at the table turned to see what was the matter. "Hey, Lauren, you okay?"
I spoke through a covered mouth, using my free hand to point at the table. "That was in my—"
But it was gone.
"In your… shake? Was something in your shake?" asked Jeremy.
I froze. In that moment, the stories of my childhood that I had only remembered as faint nightmares came back in a wave of crushing terror. How could I have been so stupid to think they would simply vanish forever? No, this isn't the same thing, I thought. But deep down, I knew it was. I drew my hand away from my lips and saw that it was dry—no blood. When I looked back up, all of the blood in my veins went cold. My friends were… smiling at me. Their lips were elastic like taffy, stretching to reveal their teeth. I could feel them radiating malevolence, as if the only thing holding them back from picking up their utensils and stabbing me to death was some thinly veiled force field. The moment lasted for what felt like half a minute, then Jordan said two words which made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.
"Found you"
The words ricocheted in my now adrenaline powered skull. But just as he spoke them, the world blinked and my friends were back. Bella reached out and grabbed my hand. I pulled away, but when I saw her concerned expression, I relented.
"Sorry, guys, I think I'm going to have to call it." I said.
"You sure, L?" asked Jordan. "You look like you just saw a ghost."
"Yeah, thanks, but I just…" I stumbled for a lie, but when one wouldn't come, Martin stood up and said he'd walk me out to my car.
"Thanks," I said as I got into my little 2015 Jetta. "It's just been a long day."
"No problem, Lauren. You know, if there's ever anything—"
"I know," I said but didn't mean. Some things just couldn't be shared.
I drove for about five minutes before stopping at a gas station. I pulled in and parked near the back. Then I interlocked my fingers and prayed for half an hour. I apologized for not taking my praying seriously and asked to once again be granted peace. Unlike my younger years, I also drifted into other avenues of thought. I imagined my mom. I pictured the whole arc of my life, all of the little decisions that led me to where I was. I cried for a long time. I felt like that little girl again reaching out for help. I still felt so lost, so out of control; there were so many things missing, and I was so confused.
I decided then to take a trip back home and visit my dad who was now working as a private tutor. He made enough prepping affluent students for the ACT and SAT that he could spend his free time pursuing his real passions: reading and writing. When I arrived at his doorstep that weekend, he greeted me with open arms. "How are you, kiddo? It's been, what? A year or so?"
It was actually more like two years, but I didn't tell him. I just smiled and nodded.
"Well, come in."
The house was almost exactly how I remembered it. Linoleum floors, beige walls, a few scattered pictures, the scent of camomile. Everything minimalist. There was a quaintness, a prettiness to the way everything seemed to be well kept and in a perfect place. From the cherry wood chairs we'd sit in to eat, to the cream-colored loveseat. I felt at home.
I spent the drive thinking of what I would talk to my dad about, but ultimately I wasn't sure what I'd say. I loved my dad, but I think growing up it was easy to see him as naive. After all, arguably the most important episodes of my childhood were completely unknown to him. In that way, I kind of loved him from a distance. Maybe losing my mom also played into that. Maybe I just had trust issues. And after what happened at the diner… Luckily there hadn't been any blinks since.
I stayed for a couple days and he showed me around some of the different coffee shops where he'd tutor kids or write some of his stories. I met some of his friends, mostly other retired or part-time teachers who were in a similar place in life. I was happy for him. Then, on Sunday, he made me my favorite meal growing up: homemade carbonara pasta with chicken and broccoli. The sauce had a few different cheeses, butter, olive oil, and a raw egg yolk. It was the perfect blend of creamy, savory, and sweet. After we ate, he cracked open a scrapbook of some old photos and other clippings he had put together.
We reminisced about the past and laughed whenever I'd cover up one of my awkward pictures. He brought up some stories from school that I had forgotten, naming some teachers that I hadn't thought about in years. Apparently I had started at the end, because as I moved to the other end of the book, I kept getting younger and younger. I flipped to the last pages and noticed a couple pictures of my mom that made my heart sink.
"She was beautiful, wasn't she?" said my dad.
"Mmm," I agreed.
I flipped to the last page and saw a collage of newspaper clippings. One of them was related to the accident. It was headlined: "Two Survive Head-On Collision". After a cursory glance at the text, I noticed something odd. It said, "Both the husband and child, a three year old girl, sustained life-threatening wounds. The husband was found unconscious on the scene. The girl was found twenty meters away from the vehicle, crying." I swallowed, trying to remember back to what happened that day. The feeling of crashing, of the world slowing down, then breaking, returned. And then there was a hand. My dad's hand. Or was it? If he was unconscious, who pulled me out of that wreck?
I looked up at my dad. He was smiling.
I shot up and started backing up slowly toward the door. "No, not you, too. What is this? What's happening? Who are you?"
My dad, or whatever was controlling him, laughed."Oh, Lauren, Lauren, Lauren. You know who we are." he purred as he stood up. He lifted his hands and the lights began to flicker then bend in a way which shouldn't have been possible. Dark figures began to propagate from the shadows along the walls. The pictures nailed there began to blink out of existence. I turned to run toward the door but the handle was gone. Glass shards materialized all around me and swarmed like locusts. Certain I was going to die, I dropped down on my knees and once again turned to prayer, this time asking God to directly intervene and save me.
Everything went quiet.
"Honey? Are you okay?"
I didn't trust his voice. I knew if I opened my eyes, I'd see that awful smile. He was just toying with me. "It's not you," I said in between muttered prayers. "I know it's not you."
"Honey," my dad said, closer. I felt his arms wrap around me. This was it, I was going to be suffocated. I waited for the inevitable crushing weight of my chest collapsing. I waited to break all over again.
"I would never hurt you, Lauren. I love you more than anything in the whole world."
I burst out in tears. "No, it's not you, I know it's not you. You don't exist!"
My dad's weight dissipated. I opened my eyes and saw that he was no longer there. "Dad?" I called aloud. "Dad? Where did you go?"
I checked all over the house, but there was no trace of him. There were still pictures of him all over the house, so I knew he hadn't blinked out of existence like everything else, but somehow he was missing.
***
I left the house and got a room at a hotel, where I am now. I'm sure at this point that whatever is happening to me is no longer random. Something out there is actively trying to hunt me. Maybe it has been my whole life, but only now it can see me—however weird that sounds. If that's right, then God has been on my side trying to protect me from this demon or monster or devil or whatever it is. Regardless, the methods I was using when I was younger are not going to cut it anymore. I already posted my story in several other small circles and have gotten one reply. A man who goes by the name "Trent" (apparently it's an alias). He said that he has some insight into my "condition" and can offer help if I want it. I'm planning on meeting with him tomorrow. I'm not sure if it's a good idea, but at this point I need answers. I can keep you updated with my progress if that interests you, and to anyone who knows anything about what's happening to me, please… I could really use your help.
***
I was just about to post this when Trent sent another message. This is what it says:
Trent: We can do the \*** at **** O'clock. Also, if what you're telling me is true, your mother may still be alive.*
2024.05.15 20:09 Weathers_Writing I think God might be real, just not in the way you think
When I was three years old I was in a really bad car accident. I didn't know it at the time, but that singular event would come to define everything about my life moving forward. What I remember about the accident is mostly a collage of backdated comments I was able to reel out of my father in the following years. He was driving me and my mom in his old '91 Chevy Tahoe through the twisting backroads of Southern Illinois, weaving his way through the gnarled branches of oak trees which interlocked into a braided ceiling overhead. A fog had rolled in, giving the impression that we were driving through a cloudy tube. Everything was simultaneously bright and opaque. I didn't mind though, as I was in the back seat working on a coloring book. My mom was in the front, talking with my dad or turning around to entertain my completed pictures.
Although I was of the age where my memory was just beginning to mature, I still recall two things very clearly from the accident. First was the sensation of breaking. I remember feeling the way a plate must feel to be dropped: weightless at first, then suddenly meeting a much larger, more solid object—the air popped like a firecracker, and the entirety of my body shattered into hundreds of fractals. And then I remember a hand. It was my dad's hand pulling me from the wreck.
I ended up hospitalized for weeks after the crash. My mom was less lucky. The impact had killed her instantly.
As I've alluded to, I was young, and at the time I didn't fully understand the implications of what had happened. I knew something was missing, but it was like a word on the tip of my tongue, or the forgotten vanilla in a cherished cake recipe—coloring my experience, but not the whole of it. Not like my dad. For him, it was the whole fucking cake. He had somehow made it out with only a few scratches. I'm sure he had a really bad case of survivor's guilt, and frankly, looking back, I wouldn't have blamed him if he slumped into despair and spent his days drinking away his sorrow. But he wasn't that type of man. He got help. It took him years before he was able to recall anything that happened that morning, and most of it is still repressed, but he shared with me what he could. Or at least that's what I had thought.
My dad was a Middle School teacher since before I was born, and he kept his job until very recently. As a result, we didn't have much by way of resources. I grew up on Disney Channel and TV dinners for the most part, but I didn't mind. When I became of school age, his job actually made caring for me pretty convenient. Since our Elementary and Middle schools were connected, he was able to drive me there and back each day.
It was around third or fourth grade that I realized I was different. I didn't understand the other children or even the adults most of the time. They would say things then immediately change their mind, or they would talk about something and in the next breath forget its existence entirely. I remember one day at lunch, I had just gotten my tray of hot food and sat down with some friends. One of the kids, Alex, was talking about a stuffed bird he had won for getting first place in Mr. Curtis's pop-up math competition. We were all admiring its blue wings and white belly and sharp black beak and beady eyes. I left mid-conversation to get a chocolate milk. When I came back, I asked to see the bird again, and Alex said "what bird?" I was perplexed. "The bird—the bluejay you were just showing us." I remember all of the other kids looking at me like I was crazy. I figured they were all playing a trick on me, so I got up and went over to Alex's seat and crouched down, looking under the table, then I sprung up and tried to open his lunchbox. "What are you doing!?" he yelled. I felt so confused and embarrassed that I ran to the bathroom to cry.
And then there was another time a group of kids were laughing about a joke one of the girls, Taylor, had made about our homeroom teacher's face looking like a seal. I knew it was mean, but at the time I just wanted to fit in so I played along, but when I made a comment about her resemblance to the semi-aquatic animal, they all looked at me confused. "What are you talking about? We never said that…"
These misattributions kept happening, and it led to me being ostracized from most of the little childish cliques that popped up. I developed a quasi-standoffish temperament which I used as a shield against a chaotic world that I didn't understand. My dad eventually had me tested for ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder), but I passed the test. He asked if I wanted to move to a different town with different schoolmates, thinking that perhaps I was getting bullied, but I told him it was fine. Somewhere deep down I felt like no matter where I went, this problem would follow me.
You may think that I was simply coping with the absence of my mom, and while I'm sure that her absence has left certain holes in my life, kindly, no, that wasn't what was happening. You see, at first I didn't notice the instances of what I'll call "blinking". I simply thought that I was misremembering things: objects, words, events. They were all little things anyway. A bird, a joke, my pencil box. It wasn't until sixth grade that I realized the magnitude of the phenomenon.
I was in my dad's 6th grade Social Studies class and we had just been assigned our "Ancient Civilizations" project which involved creating a diorama of our chosen civilization and presenting its features to the class. My friend at the time, Claire, had taken my first choice of Ancient Rome (which we had a heated argument about at lunch), so I was left with Ancient Egypt. At the time, all I pictured for Egypt was a plate of sand. However, my dad and I went through some illustrated history books and pictures on the internet and he really built up the project for me.
Over the course of a couple months, he helped me shape three pyramids out of small wooden planks and a bunch of tan clay. We placed them in the center of a giant square shoebox lid which served as the container for the diorama. Then he bought some small wooden mannequin puppets and we dressed them up in cloth clothes (mostly kilts and tunics) and colored their eyes, mouths, and hair. We added a few obelisks and some small box-huts which were collected into a little village around the Nile. Finally, we added a light glaze of glue where we felt would be necessary and then covered the whole project with golden glitter.
As we worked on each part of the diorama, my dad helped me understand what we were adding and why it was important to Ancient Egypt. I loved the way he talked about history. He spun everything into a miraculous story. To this day, I don't think I've ever had a teacher who came close to his level of charisma and creativity. As a result, I became really proud of my diorama. I memorized all the little details and rehearsed my speech in front of the mirror for hours leading up to the last couple weeks of class. And then, two days before I was supposed to give my presentation, everything fell apart.
First, I need to apologize for deceiving you about an aspect of my story. I thought it might help you to understand what I was going through at the time. What I'm about to tell you is going to sound insane. I get that. But please hear me out. The truth is that I was never assigned to present on Ancient Egypt; everything else about Clair taking my first pick and dad helping me with the whole project and my excitement leading up to the presentation was all true, but it wasn't a project on Ancient Egypt, it was a project on Ancient Sidovan, which was a civilization located on the eighth continent called "Catalan" (the same name as the spoken language, but unrelated) which was due West of Australia in the Indian Ocean.
I know this sounds incredible, and if you want to believe it's all in my head, I get that, but I remember clearly all sorts of facts about it: the Malagasy, the same people who populated Madagascar, were the first peoples to discover Catalan and settle it. However, about five hundred years later, Indian ships would arrive and create the civilization known as Sidovan. A pidgin language formed between the indigenous population and new arriving Indians called "Hiesa" (pronounced: Hai-E-suh or Hai-ʔ-suh). Catalan had a warm climate with plenty of natural resources, but Sidovan had a dense enough population to require agricultural production. They grew rice, grain, sugarcane, vegetables, and even tobacco.
I remembered all of these facts and more. My diorama reflected the main features of the Sidovan civilization. And then two days before my presentation, I woke up and my diorama was entirely different. The hilly grasslands were traded out for sandy dunes. The Hindu statues and stone palaces became clay pyramids and large spear-like pillars. And everything was covered with the ickiest yellow glitter I had ever seen. Tears stung my eyes as I trampled over to my dad's room and banged on his door. "Dad! What did you do!?" I yelled.
"Honey?" He responded, rushing over to the base of the stairs. "What's wrong?"
"The diorama. It's ruined!"
"It's what?" he asked and ran up the stairs, leading me to my room. He looked over it for a few seconds, checking to see if everything was intact, then said, "I don't see it, honey. Where is it ruined?"
I was completely dumb-struck. What did he mean he didn't see it? "All of it!" I shouted. "The whole thing is wrong. Where's the grass and the stone buildings and the lady with the four arms and the elephants? Where is my project!?"
My dad looked at me in silence. "Lauren, baby, what civilization do you think you were working on?"
"Ancient Sidovan, of course! We've been working on this for months now! Dad, please tell me you remember."
He knelt down and put his hands on my shoulders. "Honey, your project was on Ancient Egypt. There is no Ancient Sidovan."
"Y-you're lying." I protested. "Books, you have books. On your bookshelf."
He took me into his study and showed me all of his books. None of them were on Ancient Sidovan. He even turned on his computer and typed in the name of the civilization, but all that came up was a near match "Sidon". I remember feeling the sudden urge to puke. My entire body felt like it was pumping battery acid instead of blood. "I—I don't," I started but suddenly my head felt very light, and I fainted.
When I woke up, I was in the hospital. I had lost consciousness for over half an hour, enough time for my dad to call 9-1-1 and have the ambulance transport me to the nearest ER. They ran all sorts of tests on me, but they all came back fine. After a couple hours of IV fluids and monitoring, they released me with my dad.
I ended up skipping the rest of school that week. My dad didn't make me present my diorama. In fact, he never brought the subject up again. Part of me was glad. I just wanted to forget the whole thing ever happened. But another part of me couldn't move past what was clearly the most absurd thing to ever happen to me. About a week after the incident, I tried to broach the subject, but when I asked my dad about it, he didn't seem to remember our conversation at all. He said I had fallen ill and that's why I needed to go to the ER and miss class. I felt like I was going crazy. If I was older, I probably would have voluntarily checked myself into a psychiatric ward. But I was young and helpless and alone, and I decided that if I just ignored the changes well enough, I could still get along. This proved difficult though, as the blinking would only exacerbate in the coming months.
Up until the time of the project, I hadn't been able to directly observe the phenomenon. It was always in retrospect that things disappeared. It was during the summer after sixth grade that this changed. I still remember the first time it happened. I had just gotten out of the shower and was drying my hair in front of the mirror. After it was dried, I threw on my clothes then went to tie my hair up in a ponytail, but as I went to set the elastic tie, I felt its weight dissipate in my hand. I gasped and held my hand out. The circular black band was gone.
Fast forward to seventh grade and the blinking had spiraled out of control. Reflecting back on it, most people would probably have assumed I was drinking psilocybin-infused water, as the delusions were somewhat consistent with psychedelic phenomena: except these distortions were real (at least they felt that way to me).
I'd wake up and grab the box of Special K but end up eating Cheerios. The McDonalds logo would look yellow and red one day, but purple and black the next. I'd be watching a show, and then a different show, and then a different one. It was as if the entire universe was a Christmas tree with millions of lights, and the lights kept shifting hues randomly, faster and faster, and I was the only one who could see their changing colors. I remember one night my dad made spaghetti for dinner and we went out onto the porch to eat it. While we were sitting, I saw our neighbor's house, a two story townhome, blink and become a single story bungalow. I gasped, and my dad asked what was wrong, but when I tried to explain he just gave me a strange look. For him, no matter what changed, the world was "always that way". While for me, it didn't have "a way".
The situation peaked when Clair, that friend I mentioned before, disappeared. I texted her (my dad had bought me a BlackBerry at the beginning of summer break) but didn't get a response. When I asked her other friends if they knew where she was, I got the usual "what are you talking about?" look. I knew right away what had happened, even though I didn't want to believe it. I went to the teacher and asked if there was a Clair in our class. She said "no". I broke down in front of everyone. I couldn't take it anymore. I ran out of school. The lady at the front desk tried to stop me, but I just barrelled past her. I kept running until I got to a big park across the street and bawled my eyes out until the police arrived and escorted me home. When they tried asking me what was wrong, I didn't say anything. There was literally nothing I could say that they would understand.
That night I prayed to God for the first time. My dad wasn't a religious man. He went to Catholic church with my mom when she was alive, but after she died he never went back. Still, I knew how to pray, even if I never did it. I copied some of the people I saw praying in movies and interlocked my fingers and knelt down on my bed, stuffing my head into a pillow. "Dear God," I said, "Please, please, please help me." I told Him about my struggles and asked Him to make them stop. I spent an hour saying the same things over and over again. And when I was finished, my little body was so tired, I fell right to sleep.
I knew something was different the second I opened my eyelids. I didn't only feel relieved, but I felt… embraced. I felt like someone was watching over me. I felt like I wasn't alone. I moved through my day with cautious apprehension. I didn't want to get my hopes up only to be let down. But to my surprise, the blinking had stopped. At least I couldn't remember any of the inconsistencies, and to me, that was a win. I began to pray regularly, and the more I did, the more I could feel the sense that someone was looking out for me. It was like I was getting a big hug from some cosmic force that loved me and wanted me to be happy.
I made it a habit to pray regularly. I asked my dad if he could take me to a church, and he agreed to take me to St. Mark's, the same church that he and my mom used to attend. Over time, I realized that the actual church services weren't as important to me as the praying. For whatever reason, there was something about praying that was like a glue for my brain, holding the entire universe together. As I got older, I considered that maybe it wasn't that the changes were no longer happening, but that I simply didn't see them anymore. In other words, maybe I was just becoming like everyone else. Either way, I didn't mind.
In my teenage years, I got into mindfulness meditation. I thought that I'd want to go into religious studies and become a theologian, so I started to learn about Eastern traditions in addition to Christianity. I joined a bunch of different school clubs to meet kids of different faiths: Judaism, Hinduism, Buddhism, Islam. I tried to find a common thread which linked them all and would explain what happened to me as a child. The metaphors of Heaven and Hell, Good and Evil, the Taoist Yin and Yang—duality. Every religion seemed to speak about a way of being that would lead to a better place. In some cases that better place was a physical future existence, and in others it was merely being in contact with the perfection of nature or the present. Metaphorically, the teachings could explain what I had gone through in a kind of loose way, but there were no explicit statements about my condition.
***
I want to fast forward to why I've decided to write about this now. To give you an idea of where I'm at, I'm now 25 and working on finishing my MA in Computational Linguistics. I know that's a bit of a switch from what I was thinking when I was a teenager, but I really only interested in religion because of the value praying afforded me as a child. I didn't actually have much interest in the subject, itself. After my first year of college, I changed to an English major, which ultimately led to me taking a linguistics class and enjoying it so much that I switched tracks in my Junior year. Considering the state of the world, I thought minoring in Computer Science might help me financially in the future, so I ended up charting a path which I figured might lead to something like developing translation software.
Anyway, everything was going fine until a few weeks ago. I was out at an all-night diner with a few of my friends from the program. There was Jeremy, Martin, Bella, Jordan, and Macy. We had been working on a group project together involving modeling construction grammars by generating primitive 3D structures using C# and running the code through a game engine (it's a bit weird, but essentially we were trying to create a multidimensional model for language using a similar but more advanced concept than other LLMs), and just had a breakthrough. It was 2AM though and not a brain cell existed between the six of us, so instead we focused on a different problem: Macy's ongoing breakup with her semi-long distance trucker boyfriend. We tried to explain why Mike wasn't going to work out as we ordered a round of milkshakes and waited for the lone overnight kitchen worker to scoop out three balls of ice cream from the Deans carton for each of us, blend it, then have the server deliver the vintage diner glasses on a plastic tray.
I dug into my thick strawberry shake with a spoon. It was delicious. I kept eating but focused back on the conversation. I remember feeling something odd about one of the scoops, but I was so entrenched in Macy's story that I didn't notice the metal shard in my ice cream until I felt it against my lip. "P-tuh" I spat out the shard and ice cream all in one motion, then covered my mouth which I was sure was bleeding. The silver blade was probably as large as my thumb, and it had two jagged edges, as if it was fastened for the purpose of causing damage. "What the fuck!" I yelled.
Everyone at the table turned to see what was the matter. "Hey, Lauren, you okay?"
I spoke through a covered mouth, using my free hand to point at the table. "That was in my—"
But it was gone.
"In your… shake? Was something in your shake?" asked Jeremy.
I froze. In that moment, the stories of my childhood that I had only remembered as faint nightmares came back in a wave of crushing terror. How could I have been so stupid to think they would simply vanish forever? No, this isn't the same thing, I thought. But deep down, I knew it was. I drew my hand away from my lips and saw that it was dry—no blood. When I looked back up, all of the blood in my veins went cold. My friends were… smiling at me. Their lips were elastic like taffy, stretching to reveal their teeth. I could feel them radiating malevolence, as if the only thing holding them back from picking up their utensils and stabbing me to death was some thinly veiled force field. The moment lasted for what felt like half a minute, then Jordan said two words which made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.
"Found you"
The words ricocheted in my now adrenaline powered skull. But just as he spoke them, the world blinked and my friends were back. Bella reached out and grabbed my hand. I pulled away, but when I saw her concerned expression, I relented.
"Sorry, guys, I think I'm going to have to call it." I said.
"You sure, L?" asked Jordan. "You look like you just saw a ghost."
"Yeah, thanks, but I just…" I stumbled for a lie, but when one wouldn't come, Martin stood up and said he'd walk me out to my car.
"Thanks," I said as I got into my little 2015 Jetta. "It's just been a long day."
"No problem, Lauren. You know, if there's ever anything—"
"I know," I said but didn't mean. Some things just couldn't be shared.
I drove for about five minutes before stopping at a gas station. I pulled in and parked near the back. Then I interlocked my fingers and prayed for half an hour. I apologized for not taking my praying seriously and asked to once again be granted peace. Unlike my younger years, I also drifted into other avenues of thought. I imagined my mom. I pictured the whole arc of my life, all of the little decisions that led me to where I was. I cried for a long time. I felt like that little girl again reaching out for help. I still felt so lost, so out of control; there were so many things missing, and I was so confused.
I decided then to take a trip back home and visit my dad who was now working as a private tutor. He made enough prepping affluent students for the ACT and SAT that he could spend his free time pursuing his real passions: reading and writing. When I arrived at his doorstep that weekend, he greeted me with open arms. "How are you, kiddo? It's been, what? A year or so?"
It was actually more like two years, but I didn't tell him. I just smiled and nodded.
"Well, come in."
The house was almost exactly how I remembered it. Linoleum floors, beige walls, a few scattered pictures, the scent of camomile. Everything minimalist. There was a quaintness, a prettiness to the way everything seemed to be well kept and in a perfect place. From the cherry wood chairs we'd sit in to eat, to the cream-colored loveseat. I felt at home.
I spent the drive thinking of what I would talk to my dad about, but ultimately I wasn't sure what I'd say. I loved my dad, but I think growing up it was easy to see him as naive. After all, arguably the most important episodes of my childhood were completely unknown to him. In that way, I kind of loved him from a distance. Maybe losing my mom also played into that. Maybe I just had trust issues. And after what happened at the diner… Luckily there hadn't been any blinks since.
I stayed for a couple days and he showed me around some of the different coffee shops where he'd tutor kids or write some of his stories. I met some of his friends, mostly other retired or part-time teachers who were in a similar place in life. I was happy for him. Then, on Sunday, he made me my favorite meal growing up: homemade carbonara pasta with chicken and broccoli. The sauce had a few different cheeses, butter, olive oil, and a raw egg yolk. It was the perfect blend of creamy, savory, and sweet. After we ate, he cracked open a scrapbook of some old photos and other clippings he had put together.
We reminisced about the past and laughed whenever I'd cover up one of my awkward pictures. He brought up some stories from school that I had forgotten, naming some teachers that I hadn't thought about in years. Apparently I had started at the end, because as I moved to the other end of the book, I kept getting younger and younger. I flipped to the last pages and noticed a couple pictures of my mom that made my heart sink.
"She was beautiful, wasn't she?" said my dad.
"Mmm," I agreed.
I flipped to the last page and saw a collage of newspaper clippings. One of them was related to the accident. It was headlined: "Two Survive Head-On Collision". After a cursory glance at the text, I noticed something odd. It said, "Both the husband and child, a three year old girl, sustained life-threatening wounds. The husband was found unconscious on the scene. The girl was found twenty meters away from the vehicle, crying." I swallowed, trying to remember back to what happened that day. The feeling of crashing, of the world slowing down, then breaking, returned. And then there was a hand. My dad's hand. Or was it? If he was unconscious, who pulled me out of that wreck?
I looked up at my dad. He was smiling.
I shot up and started backing up slowly toward the door. "No, not you, too. What is this? What's happening? Who are you?"
My dad, or whatever was controlling him, laughed."Oh, Lauren, Lauren, Lauren. You know who we are." he purred as he stood up. He lifted his hands and the lights began to flicker then bend in a way which shouldn't have been possible. Dark figures began to propagate from the shadows along the walls. The pictures nailed there began to blink out of existence. I turned to run toward the door but the handle was gone. Glass shards materialized all around me and swarmed like locusts. Certain I was going to die, I dropped down on my knees and once again turned to prayer, this time asking God to directly intervene and save me.
Everything went quiet.
"Honey? Are you okay?"
I didn't trust his voice. I knew if I opened my eyes, I'd see that awful smile. He was just toying with me. "It's not you," I said in between muttered prayers. "I know it's not you."
"Honey," my dad said, closer. I felt his arms wrap around me. This was it, I was going to be suffocated. I waited for the inevitable crushing weight of my chest collapsing. I waited to break all over again.
"I would never hurt you, Lauren. I love you more than anything in the whole world."
I burst out in tears. "No, it's not you, I know it's not you. You don't exist!"
My dad's weight dissipated. I opened my eyes and saw that he was no longer there. "Dad?" I called aloud. "Dad? Where did you go?"
I checked all over the house, but there was no trace of him. There were still pictures of him all over the house, so I knew he hadn't blinked out of existence like everything else, but somehow he was missing.
***
I left the house and got a room at a hotel, where I am now. I'm sure at this point that whatever is happening to me is no longer random. Something out there is actively trying to hunt me. Maybe it has been my whole life, but only now it can see me—however weird that sounds. If that's right, then God has been on my side trying to protect me from this demon or monster or devil or whatever it is. Regardless, the methods I was using when I was younger are not going to cut it anymore. I already posted my story in several other small circles and have gotten one reply. A man who goes by the name "Trent" (apparently it's an alias). He said that he has some insight into my "condition" and can offer help if I want it. I'm planning on meeting with him tomorrow. I'm not sure if it's a good idea, but at this point I need answers. I can keep you updated with my progress if that interests you, and to anyone who knows anything about what's happening to me, please… I could really use your help.
***
I was just about to post this when Trent sent another message. This is what it says:
Trent: We can do the \*** at **** O'clock. Also, if what you're telling me is true, your mother may still be alive.*
submitted by Weathers_Writing to nosleep [link] [comments]
Although I was of the age where my memory was just beginning to mature, I still recall two things very clearly from the accident. First was the sensation of breaking. I remember feeling the way a plate must feel to be dropped: weightless at first, then suddenly meeting a much larger, more solid object—the air popped like a firecracker, and the entirety of my body shattered into hundreds of fractals. And then I remember a hand. It was my dad's hand pulling me from the wreck.
I ended up hospitalized for weeks after the crash. My mom was less lucky. The impact had killed her instantly.
As I've alluded to, I was young, and at the time I didn't fully understand the implications of what had happened. I knew something was missing, but it was like a word on the tip of my tongue, or the forgotten vanilla in a cherished cake recipe—coloring my experience, but not the whole of it. Not like my dad. For him, it was the whole fucking cake. He had somehow made it out with only a few scratches. I'm sure he had a really bad case of survivor's guilt, and frankly, looking back, I wouldn't have blamed him if he slumped into despair and spent his days drinking away his sorrow. But he wasn't that type of man. He got help. It took him years before he was able to recall anything that happened that morning, and most of it is still repressed, but he shared with me what he could. Or at least that's what I had thought.
My dad was a Middle School teacher since before I was born, and he kept his job until very recently. As a result, we didn't have much by way of resources. I grew up on Disney Channel and TV dinners for the most part, but I didn't mind. When I became of school age, his job actually made caring for me pretty convenient. Since our Elementary and Middle schools were connected, he was able to drive me there and back each day.
It was around third or fourth grade that I realized I was different. I didn't understand the other children or even the adults most of the time. They would say things then immediately change their mind, or they would talk about something and in the next breath forget its existence entirely. I remember one day at lunch, I had just gotten my tray of hot food and sat down with some friends. One of the kids, Alex, was talking about a stuffed bird he had won for getting first place in Mr. Curtis's pop-up math competition. We were all admiring its blue wings and white belly and sharp black beak and beady eyes. I left mid-conversation to get a chocolate milk. When I came back, I asked to see the bird again, and Alex said "what bird?" I was perplexed. "The bird—the bluejay you were just showing us." I remember all of the other kids looking at me like I was crazy. I figured they were all playing a trick on me, so I got up and went over to Alex's seat and crouched down, looking under the table, then I sprung up and tried to open his lunchbox. "What are you doing!?" he yelled. I felt so confused and embarrassed that I ran to the bathroom to cry.
And then there was another time a group of kids were laughing about a joke one of the girls, Taylor, had made about our homeroom teacher's face looking like a seal. I knew it was mean, but at the time I just wanted to fit in so I played along, but when I made a comment about her resemblance to the semi-aquatic animal, they all looked at me confused. "What are you talking about? We never said that…"
These misattributions kept happening, and it led to me being ostracized from most of the little childish cliques that popped up. I developed a quasi-standoffish temperament which I used as a shield against a chaotic world that I didn't understand. My dad eventually had me tested for ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder), but I passed the test. He asked if I wanted to move to a different town with different schoolmates, thinking that perhaps I was getting bullied, but I told him it was fine. Somewhere deep down I felt like no matter where I went, this problem would follow me.
You may think that I was simply coping with the absence of my mom, and while I'm sure that her absence has left certain holes in my life, kindly, no, that wasn't what was happening. You see, at first I didn't notice the instances of what I'll call "blinking". I simply thought that I was misremembering things: objects, words, events. They were all little things anyway. A bird, a joke, my pencil box. It wasn't until sixth grade that I realized the magnitude of the phenomenon.
I was in my dad's 6th grade Social Studies class and we had just been assigned our "Ancient Civilizations" project which involved creating a diorama of our chosen civilization and presenting its features to the class. My friend at the time, Claire, had taken my first choice of Ancient Rome (which we had a heated argument about at lunch), so I was left with Ancient Egypt. At the time, all I pictured for Egypt was a plate of sand. However, my dad and I went through some illustrated history books and pictures on the internet and he really built up the project for me.
Over the course of a couple months, he helped me shape three pyramids out of small wooden planks and a bunch of tan clay. We placed them in the center of a giant square shoebox lid which served as the container for the diorama. Then he bought some small wooden mannequin puppets and we dressed them up in cloth clothes (mostly kilts and tunics) and colored their eyes, mouths, and hair. We added a few obelisks and some small box-huts which were collected into a little village around the Nile. Finally, we added a light glaze of glue where we felt would be necessary and then covered the whole project with golden glitter.
As we worked on each part of the diorama, my dad helped me understand what we were adding and why it was important to Ancient Egypt. I loved the way he talked about history. He spun everything into a miraculous story. To this day, I don't think I've ever had a teacher who came close to his level of charisma and creativity. As a result, I became really proud of my diorama. I memorized all the little details and rehearsed my speech in front of the mirror for hours leading up to the last couple weeks of class. And then, two days before I was supposed to give my presentation, everything fell apart.
First, I need to apologize for deceiving you about an aspect of my story. I thought it might help you to understand what I was going through at the time. What I'm about to tell you is going to sound insane. I get that. But please hear me out. The truth is that I was never assigned to present on Ancient Egypt; everything else about Clair taking my first pick and dad helping me with the whole project and my excitement leading up to the presentation was all true, but it wasn't a project on Ancient Egypt, it was a project on Ancient Sidovan, which was a civilization located on the eighth continent called "Catalan" (the same name as the spoken language, but unrelated) which was due West of Australia in the Indian Ocean.
I know this sounds incredible, and if you want to believe it's all in my head, I get that, but I remember clearly all sorts of facts about it: the Malagasy, the same people who populated Madagascar, were the first peoples to discover Catalan and settle it. However, about five hundred years later, Indian ships would arrive and create the civilization known as Sidovan. A pidgin language formed between the indigenous population and new arriving Indians called "Hiesa" (pronounced: Hai-E-suh or Hai-ʔ-suh). Catalan had a warm climate with plenty of natural resources, but Sidovan had a dense enough population to require agricultural production. They grew rice, grain, sugarcane, vegetables, and even tobacco.
I remembered all of these facts and more. My diorama reflected the main features of the Sidovan civilization. And then two days before my presentation, I woke up and my diorama was entirely different. The hilly grasslands were traded out for sandy dunes. The Hindu statues and stone palaces became clay pyramids and large spear-like pillars. And everything was covered with the ickiest yellow glitter I had ever seen. Tears stung my eyes as I trampled over to my dad's room and banged on his door. "Dad! What did you do!?" I yelled.
"Honey?" He responded, rushing over to the base of the stairs. "What's wrong?"
"The diorama. It's ruined!"
"It's what?" he asked and ran up the stairs, leading me to my room. He looked over it for a few seconds, checking to see if everything was intact, then said, "I don't see it, honey. Where is it ruined?"
I was completely dumb-struck. What did he mean he didn't see it? "All of it!" I shouted. "The whole thing is wrong. Where's the grass and the stone buildings and the lady with the four arms and the elephants? Where is my project!?"
My dad looked at me in silence. "Lauren, baby, what civilization do you think you were working on?"
"Ancient Sidovan, of course! We've been working on this for months now! Dad, please tell me you remember."
He knelt down and put his hands on my shoulders. "Honey, your project was on Ancient Egypt. There is no Ancient Sidovan."
"Y-you're lying." I protested. "Books, you have books. On your bookshelf."
He took me into his study and showed me all of his books. None of them were on Ancient Sidovan. He even turned on his computer and typed in the name of the civilization, but all that came up was a near match "Sidon". I remember feeling the sudden urge to puke. My entire body felt like it was pumping battery acid instead of blood. "I—I don't," I started but suddenly my head felt very light, and I fainted.
When I woke up, I was in the hospital. I had lost consciousness for over half an hour, enough time for my dad to call 9-1-1 and have the ambulance transport me to the nearest ER. They ran all sorts of tests on me, but they all came back fine. After a couple hours of IV fluids and monitoring, they released me with my dad.
I ended up skipping the rest of school that week. My dad didn't make me present my diorama. In fact, he never brought the subject up again. Part of me was glad. I just wanted to forget the whole thing ever happened. But another part of me couldn't move past what was clearly the most absurd thing to ever happen to me. About a week after the incident, I tried to broach the subject, but when I asked my dad about it, he didn't seem to remember our conversation at all. He said I had fallen ill and that's why I needed to go to the ER and miss class. I felt like I was going crazy. If I was older, I probably would have voluntarily checked myself into a psychiatric ward. But I was young and helpless and alone, and I decided that if I just ignored the changes well enough, I could still get along. This proved difficult though, as the blinking would only exacerbate in the coming months.
Up until the time of the project, I hadn't been able to directly observe the phenomenon. It was always in retrospect that things disappeared. It was during the summer after sixth grade that this changed. I still remember the first time it happened. I had just gotten out of the shower and was drying my hair in front of the mirror. After it was dried, I threw on my clothes then went to tie my hair up in a ponytail, but as I went to set the elastic tie, I felt its weight dissipate in my hand. I gasped and held my hand out. The circular black band was gone.
Fast forward to seventh grade and the blinking had spiraled out of control. Reflecting back on it, most people would probably have assumed I was drinking psilocybin-infused water, as the delusions were somewhat consistent with psychedelic phenomena: except these distortions were real (at least they felt that way to me).
I'd wake up and grab the box of Special K but end up eating Cheerios. The McDonalds logo would look yellow and red one day, but purple and black the next. I'd be watching a show, and then a different show, and then a different one. It was as if the entire universe was a Christmas tree with millions of lights, and the lights kept shifting hues randomly, faster and faster, and I was the only one who could see their changing colors. I remember one night my dad made spaghetti for dinner and we went out onto the porch to eat it. While we were sitting, I saw our neighbor's house, a two story townhome, blink and become a single story bungalow. I gasped, and my dad asked what was wrong, but when I tried to explain he just gave me a strange look. For him, no matter what changed, the world was "always that way". While for me, it didn't have "a way".
The situation peaked when Clair, that friend I mentioned before, disappeared. I texted her (my dad had bought me a BlackBerry at the beginning of summer break) but didn't get a response. When I asked her other friends if they knew where she was, I got the usual "what are you talking about?" look. I knew right away what had happened, even though I didn't want to believe it. I went to the teacher and asked if there was a Clair in our class. She said "no". I broke down in front of everyone. I couldn't take it anymore. I ran out of school. The lady at the front desk tried to stop me, but I just barrelled past her. I kept running until I got to a big park across the street and bawled my eyes out until the police arrived and escorted me home. When they tried asking me what was wrong, I didn't say anything. There was literally nothing I could say that they would understand.
That night I prayed to God for the first time. My dad wasn't a religious man. He went to Catholic church with my mom when she was alive, but after she died he never went back. Still, I knew how to pray, even if I never did it. I copied some of the people I saw praying in movies and interlocked my fingers and knelt down on my bed, stuffing my head into a pillow. "Dear God," I said, "Please, please, please help me." I told Him about my struggles and asked Him to make them stop. I spent an hour saying the same things over and over again. And when I was finished, my little body was so tired, I fell right to sleep.
I knew something was different the second I opened my eyelids. I didn't only feel relieved, but I felt… embraced. I felt like someone was watching over me. I felt like I wasn't alone. I moved through my day with cautious apprehension. I didn't want to get my hopes up only to be let down. But to my surprise, the blinking had stopped. At least I couldn't remember any of the inconsistencies, and to me, that was a win. I began to pray regularly, and the more I did, the more I could feel the sense that someone was looking out for me. It was like I was getting a big hug from some cosmic force that loved me and wanted me to be happy.
I made it a habit to pray regularly. I asked my dad if he could take me to a church, and he agreed to take me to St. Mark's, the same church that he and my mom used to attend. Over time, I realized that the actual church services weren't as important to me as the praying. For whatever reason, there was something about praying that was like a glue for my brain, holding the entire universe together. As I got older, I considered that maybe it wasn't that the changes were no longer happening, but that I simply didn't see them anymore. In other words, maybe I was just becoming like everyone else. Either way, I didn't mind.
In my teenage years, I got into mindfulness meditation. I thought that I'd want to go into religious studies and become a theologian, so I started to learn about Eastern traditions in addition to Christianity. I joined a bunch of different school clubs to meet kids of different faiths: Judaism, Hinduism, Buddhism, Islam. I tried to find a common thread which linked them all and would explain what happened to me as a child. The metaphors of Heaven and Hell, Good and Evil, the Taoist Yin and Yang—duality. Every religion seemed to speak about a way of being that would lead to a better place. In some cases that better place was a physical future existence, and in others it was merely being in contact with the perfection of nature or the present. Metaphorically, the teachings could explain what I had gone through in a kind of loose way, but there were no explicit statements about my condition.
***
I want to fast forward to why I've decided to write about this now. To give you an idea of where I'm at, I'm now 25 and working on finishing my MA in Computational Linguistics. I know that's a bit of a switch from what I was thinking when I was a teenager, but I really only interested in religion because of the value praying afforded me as a child. I didn't actually have much interest in the subject, itself. After my first year of college, I changed to an English major, which ultimately led to me taking a linguistics class and enjoying it so much that I switched tracks in my Junior year. Considering the state of the world, I thought minoring in Computer Science might help me financially in the future, so I ended up charting a path which I figured might lead to something like developing translation software.
Anyway, everything was going fine until a few weeks ago. I was out at an all-night diner with a few of my friends from the program. There was Jeremy, Martin, Bella, Jordan, and Macy. We had been working on a group project together involving modeling construction grammars by generating primitive 3D structures using C# and running the code through a game engine (it's a bit weird, but essentially we were trying to create a multidimensional model for language using a similar but more advanced concept than other LLMs), and just had a breakthrough. It was 2AM though and not a brain cell existed between the six of us, so instead we focused on a different problem: Macy's ongoing breakup with her semi-long distance trucker boyfriend. We tried to explain why Mike wasn't going to work out as we ordered a round of milkshakes and waited for the lone overnight kitchen worker to scoop out three balls of ice cream from the Deans carton for each of us, blend it, then have the server deliver the vintage diner glasses on a plastic tray.
I dug into my thick strawberry shake with a spoon. It was delicious. I kept eating but focused back on the conversation. I remember feeling something odd about one of the scoops, but I was so entrenched in Macy's story that I didn't notice the metal shard in my ice cream until I felt it against my lip. "P-tuh" I spat out the shard and ice cream all in one motion, then covered my mouth which I was sure was bleeding. The silver blade was probably as large as my thumb, and it had two jagged edges, as if it was fastened for the purpose of causing damage. "What the fuck!" I yelled.
Everyone at the table turned to see what was the matter. "Hey, Lauren, you okay?"
I spoke through a covered mouth, using my free hand to point at the table. "That was in my—"
But it was gone.
"In your… shake? Was something in your shake?" asked Jeremy.
I froze. In that moment, the stories of my childhood that I had only remembered as faint nightmares came back in a wave of crushing terror. How could I have been so stupid to think they would simply vanish forever? No, this isn't the same thing, I thought. But deep down, I knew it was. I drew my hand away from my lips and saw that it was dry—no blood. When I looked back up, all of the blood in my veins went cold. My friends were… smiling at me. Their lips were elastic like taffy, stretching to reveal their teeth. I could feel them radiating malevolence, as if the only thing holding them back from picking up their utensils and stabbing me to death was some thinly veiled force field. The moment lasted for what felt like half a minute, then Jordan said two words which made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.
"Found you"
The words ricocheted in my now adrenaline powered skull. But just as he spoke them, the world blinked and my friends were back. Bella reached out and grabbed my hand. I pulled away, but when I saw her concerned expression, I relented.
"Sorry, guys, I think I'm going to have to call it." I said.
"You sure, L?" asked Jordan. "You look like you just saw a ghost."
"Yeah, thanks, but I just…" I stumbled for a lie, but when one wouldn't come, Martin stood up and said he'd walk me out to my car.
"Thanks," I said as I got into my little 2015 Jetta. "It's just been a long day."
"No problem, Lauren. You know, if there's ever anything—"
"I know," I said but didn't mean. Some things just couldn't be shared.
I drove for about five minutes before stopping at a gas station. I pulled in and parked near the back. Then I interlocked my fingers and prayed for half an hour. I apologized for not taking my praying seriously and asked to once again be granted peace. Unlike my younger years, I also drifted into other avenues of thought. I imagined my mom. I pictured the whole arc of my life, all of the little decisions that led me to where I was. I cried for a long time. I felt like that little girl again reaching out for help. I still felt so lost, so out of control; there were so many things missing, and I was so confused.
I decided then to take a trip back home and visit my dad who was now working as a private tutor. He made enough prepping affluent students for the ACT and SAT that he could spend his free time pursuing his real passions: reading and writing. When I arrived at his doorstep that weekend, he greeted me with open arms. "How are you, kiddo? It's been, what? A year or so?"
It was actually more like two years, but I didn't tell him. I just smiled and nodded.
"Well, come in."
The house was almost exactly how I remembered it. Linoleum floors, beige walls, a few scattered pictures, the scent of camomile. Everything minimalist. There was a quaintness, a prettiness to the way everything seemed to be well kept and in a perfect place. From the cherry wood chairs we'd sit in to eat, to the cream-colored loveseat. I felt at home.
I spent the drive thinking of what I would talk to my dad about, but ultimately I wasn't sure what I'd say. I loved my dad, but I think growing up it was easy to see him as naive. After all, arguably the most important episodes of my childhood were completely unknown to him. In that way, I kind of loved him from a distance. Maybe losing my mom also played into that. Maybe I just had trust issues. And after what happened at the diner… Luckily there hadn't been any blinks since.
I stayed for a couple days and he showed me around some of the different coffee shops where he'd tutor kids or write some of his stories. I met some of his friends, mostly other retired or part-time teachers who were in a similar place in life. I was happy for him. Then, on Sunday, he made me my favorite meal growing up: homemade carbonara pasta with chicken and broccoli. The sauce had a few different cheeses, butter, olive oil, and a raw egg yolk. It was the perfect blend of creamy, savory, and sweet. After we ate, he cracked open a scrapbook of some old photos and other clippings he had put together.
We reminisced about the past and laughed whenever I'd cover up one of my awkward pictures. He brought up some stories from school that I had forgotten, naming some teachers that I hadn't thought about in years. Apparently I had started at the end, because as I moved to the other end of the book, I kept getting younger and younger. I flipped to the last pages and noticed a couple pictures of my mom that made my heart sink.
"She was beautiful, wasn't she?" said my dad.
"Mmm," I agreed.
I flipped to the last page and saw a collage of newspaper clippings. One of them was related to the accident. It was headlined: "Two Survive Head-On Collision". After a cursory glance at the text, I noticed something odd. It said, "Both the husband and child, a three year old girl, sustained life-threatening wounds. The husband was found unconscious on the scene. The girl was found twenty meters away from the vehicle, crying." I swallowed, trying to remember back to what happened that day. The feeling of crashing, of the world slowing down, then breaking, returned. And then there was a hand. My dad's hand. Or was it? If he was unconscious, who pulled me out of that wreck?
I looked up at my dad. He was smiling.
I shot up and started backing up slowly toward the door. "No, not you, too. What is this? What's happening? Who are you?"
My dad, or whatever was controlling him, laughed."Oh, Lauren, Lauren, Lauren. You know who we are." he purred as he stood up. He lifted his hands and the lights began to flicker then bend in a way which shouldn't have been possible. Dark figures began to propagate from the shadows along the walls. The pictures nailed there began to blink out of existence. I turned to run toward the door but the handle was gone. Glass shards materialized all around me and swarmed like locusts. Certain I was going to die, I dropped down on my knees and once again turned to prayer, this time asking God to directly intervene and save me.
Everything went quiet.
"Honey? Are you okay?"
I didn't trust his voice. I knew if I opened my eyes, I'd see that awful smile. He was just toying with me. "It's not you," I said in between muttered prayers. "I know it's not you."
"Honey," my dad said, closer. I felt his arms wrap around me. This was it, I was going to be suffocated. I waited for the inevitable crushing weight of my chest collapsing. I waited to break all over again.
"I would never hurt you, Lauren. I love you more than anything in the whole world."
I burst out in tears. "No, it's not you, I know it's not you. You don't exist!"
My dad's weight dissipated. I opened my eyes and saw that he was no longer there. "Dad?" I called aloud. "Dad? Where did you go?"
I checked all over the house, but there was no trace of him. There were still pictures of him all over the house, so I knew he hadn't blinked out of existence like everything else, but somehow he was missing.
***
I left the house and got a room at a hotel, where I am now. I'm sure at this point that whatever is happening to me is no longer random. Something out there is actively trying to hunt me. Maybe it has been my whole life, but only now it can see me—however weird that sounds. If that's right, then God has been on my side trying to protect me from this demon or monster or devil or whatever it is. Regardless, the methods I was using when I was younger are not going to cut it anymore. I already posted my story in several other small circles and have gotten one reply. A man who goes by the name "Trent" (apparently it's an alias). He said that he has some insight into my "condition" and can offer help if I want it. I'm planning on meeting with him tomorrow. I'm not sure if it's a good idea, but at this point I need answers. I can keep you updated with my progress if that interests you, and to anyone who knows anything about what's happening to me, please… I could really use your help.
***
I was just about to post this when Trent sent another message. This is what it says:
Trent: We can do the \*** at **** O'clock. Also, if what you're telling me is true, your mother may still be alive.*
2024.05.15 16:58 bsadams Elevated gas station chilli dog on homemade pretzel bun [homemade]
![Elevated gas station chilli dog on homemade pretzel bun [homemade]](https://preview.redd.it/19slms42ul0d1.jpeg?width=640&crop=smart&auto=webp&s=c720970287a027cd4f5f4a327e92c8d320098b89 "Elevated gas station chilli dog on homemade pretzel bun [homemade]") | submitted by bsadams to food [link] [comments] |
2024.05.15 13:59 Ok-Specific9951 FIamma Rossa Grande Stainless Steel Multi-Fuel Pizza Oven
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2024.05.15 13:30 kelvinwaterindia Embrace Nature’s Recycling: The Benefits of Using a Natural Composter
In our modern quest for sustainability, composting has emerged as one of the simplest and most effective ways to reduce waste and nourish the earth. Among the various composting methods, natural composting stands out for its simplicity, affordability, and environmental friendliness. Let’s explore the world of natural composting, its benefits, how to get started, and why it’s an essential practice for anyone looking to make a positive impact on the planet.
What is Natural Composting?
Natural composting with natural composter , also known as traditional or manual composting, involves the decomposition of organic waste materials using natural processes. It relies on microorganisms, insects, and earthworms to break down waste into nutrient-rich compost. Unlike advanced composting systems that require mechanical or electrical aids, natural composting harnesses the power of nature to recycle organic matter.
Benefits of Natural Composting
Getting Started with Natural Composting
Turn the Pile:
Regularly turning the pile aerates it, promoting faster decomposition and preventing odors. Turn every 1-2 weeks.
Tips for Successful Natural Composting
Real-World Applications
Conclusion:
Natural composting is a powerful tool in our sustainability toolkit. It turns everyday organic waste into a valuable resource, enriching our soil and reducing our environmental impact. Whether you’re a homeowner, a teacher, a farmer, or a community leader, embracing natural composting can make a significant difference. Start your composting journey today and join the movement towards a greener, more sustainable future.
submitted by kelvinwaterindia to u/kelvinwaterindia [link] [comments]
What is Natural Composting?
Natural composting with natural composter , also known as traditional or manual composting, involves the decomposition of organic waste materials using natural processes. It relies on microorganisms, insects, and earthworms to break down waste into nutrient-rich compost. Unlike advanced composting systems that require mechanical or electrical aids, natural composting harnesses the power of nature to recycle organic matter.
Benefits of Natural Composting
- Environmental Sustainability:
- Soil Health:
- Cost-Effective:
- Waste Reduction:
- Educational Value:
Getting Started with Natural Composting
- Choose a Composting Method:
- Compost Piles: Ideal for large yards, simply pile your organic waste in a designated area.
- Compost Bins: Suitable for smaller spaces, bins can be made from wood, plastic, or metal.
- Trench or Pit Composting: Dig a trench or pit, fill it with waste, and cover it with soil.
- Select a Location:
- Collect Organic Waste:
- Layering:
- Maintain Moisture:
Turn the Pile:
Regularly turning the pile aerates it, promoting faster decomposition and preventing odors. Turn every 1-2 weeks.
- Harvest the Compost:
Tips for Successful Natural Composting
- Balance Materials:
- Shred Larger Items:
- Avoid Pests:
- Monitor Temperature:
- Compost Activators:
Real-World Applications
- Home Gardens:
- Community Gardens:
- Schools:
- Small Farms:
Conclusion:
Natural composting is a powerful tool in our sustainability toolkit. It turns everyday organic waste into a valuable resource, enriching our soil and reducing our environmental impact. Whether you’re a homeowner, a teacher, a farmer, or a community leader, embracing natural composting can make a significant difference. Start your composting journey today and join the movement towards a greener, more sustainable future.
2024.05.15 09:39 Sansar_99 Landing Robot
I have joined a Robot Contest in Japan. This contest has a different mission every year. It is my and two other members' first time joining this contest and my first time building a robot. The contest is on the 6th of October. Sorry, I used Google to translate to English.
If you know Japanese, please check the official website and rulebook.
Landing. If Robot1 sends Robot2 flying and lands in Area C, you will score points. The landing spot with the highest score is 5 meters away from Area A.
Recovery and Return. Collect the ball and deliver it to Robot1, then take the box and return to Area B. Robot 2 can return by itself, or it can collaborate and cooperate with Robot 1.
The contest time is 2 minutes and 30 seconds.
(Fig.1) The field looks like this
Robots must be decorated with some kind of character ( ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ).
Safety
The budget is around $2500
It doesn't matter whether the control method is manual or automatic. In the case of manual operation, remote control is limited to radio, ultrasound, and light.
Size Robots must meet the following size restrictions.
Robot1: 1200mm x 1200mm x 1000mm height throughout the competition. This is the maximum size when all movable parts of the robot are expanded.
Robot2: There is no size limit. At the start, all robots must be completely within the starting zone, which is 1500mm x 1500mm. Robot 2 may be placed on top of Robot 1, but the height from the field surface must not exceed 1500mm.
The weight of all robots shall be within 30 kg. (Battery and air tank are included in the weight)
Robot 2 shall satisfy one of the following conditions.
Has the function of collecting and holding the ball or box.
Has the ability to directly deliver the ball to Area A by throwing or kicking it.
Has the ability to deliver boxes to Area A directly.
Power Supply Limitations
Voltage: Both drive and control system circuits must be 24V or less. Internal circuit voltages should not exceed 24V, except for transient voltages.
Current: Each circuit must have a current interrupting device (fuse, breaker, etc.) of 30A or less. For multiple drive system circuits, the total current interrupting capacity must not exceed 30A per robot. Control system circuit current is not included in this total. Ensure the current interrupting devices match the ratings of the entire circuit, considering wiring and breaker specifications.
Dangerous energy sources such as power sources other than electricity, such as high-pressure gas or explosives, must not be used.
Compressed air tank must be removable, with an air meter below 0.75 MPa at room temperature. Plastic bottles and homemade tanks are prohibited.
It is PROHIBITED to use suction or suction cups on the floor. Propeller flight, helium levitation, and hovercraft are PROHIBITED.
Scoring
Please share any ideas for the robots, we really need help. If you have any questions please ask I will try to answer them.
Thank you!
submitted by Sansar_99 to AskRobotics [link] [comments]
If you know Japanese, please check the official website and rulebook.
Intro
The missions of this year's contest are "Landing" and "Recovery and Return."Landing. If Robot1 sends Robot2 flying and lands in Area C, you will score points. The landing spot with the highest score is 5 meters away from Area A.
Recovery and Return. Collect the ball and deliver it to Robot1, then take the box and return to Area B. Robot 2 can return by itself, or it can collaborate and cooperate with Robot 1.
The contest time is 2 minutes and 30 seconds.
(Fig.1) The field looks like this
Robot
Have to make at least 2 robots.Robots must be decorated with some kind of character ( ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ).
Safety
The budget is around $2500
It doesn't matter whether the control method is manual or automatic. In the case of manual operation, remote control is limited to radio, ultrasound, and light.
Size Robots must meet the following size restrictions.
Robot1: 1200mm x 1200mm x 1000mm height throughout the competition. This is the maximum size when all movable parts of the robot are expanded.
Robot2: There is no size limit. At the start, all robots must be completely within the starting zone, which is 1500mm x 1500mm. Robot 2 may be placed on top of Robot 1, but the height from the field surface must not exceed 1500mm.
The weight of all robots shall be within 30 kg. (Battery and air tank are included in the weight)
Robot 2 shall satisfy one of the following conditions.
Has the function of collecting and holding the ball or box.
Has the ability to directly deliver the ball to Area A by throwing or kicking it.
Has the ability to deliver boxes to Area A directly.
Power Supply Limitations
Voltage: Both drive and control system circuits must be 24V or less. Internal circuit voltages should not exceed 24V, except for transient voltages.
Current: Each circuit must have a current interrupting device (fuse, breaker, etc.) of 30A or less. For multiple drive system circuits, the total current interrupting capacity must not exceed 30A per robot. Control system circuit current is not included in this total. Ensure the current interrupting devices match the ratings of the entire circuit, considering wiring and breaker specifications.
Dangerous energy sources such as power sources other than electricity, such as high-pressure gas or explosives, must not be used.
Compressed air tank must be removable, with an air meter below 0.75 MPa at room temperature. Plastic bottles and homemade tanks are prohibited.
It is PROHIBITED to use suction or suction cups on the floor. Propeller flight, helium levitation, and hovercraft are PROHIBITED.
Contest environment
(Fig.2) Contest Field with measurements (Sorry its in Japanese)Scoring
- 7 balls approximately 200mm in diameter
- each ball is 10 points
- 3 boxes 200mm on all sides.
- each box is 60 points
- Landing spots: There are landing spots ① to ③ in a concentric circle, and ② and ③ are raised steps.
- ③ = 100 points
- ② = 40 points
- ① = 10 points
- During the contest
- Each team has to change each other ball and box placement anywhere within the object zone [orange box in (Fig.1)]
- However, all objects must be in contact with the field surface.
Please share any ideas for the robots, we really need help. If you have any questions please ask I will try to answer them.
Thank you!
2024.05.15 09:18 Sansar_99 Landing Robot
 | I have joined a Robot Contest in Japan. The contest has a different mission every year. This year's mission looks like a NASA project. Sorry, I used Google to translate to English. submitted by Sansar_99 to nasa [link] [comments] If you know Japanese, please check the official website and rulebook. IntroThe missions of this year's contest are "Landing" and "Recovery and Return."
Robot
Contest environment(Fig.2) Contest Field with measurements (Sorry its in Japanese)
If you have any ideas for the robots please share, I would like to see it. If you have any questions please ask I will try to answer them. Thank you! |