There will probs be more posts like this in time. Only bc I refuse to be silenced by "Cancel Culture" or "Blacklisting"

Streaming has shown me a completely different kind of evil people and almost all of them preach kindness and inclusivity while “protecting their communities” publicly but privately is a whole different animal.
Once, as a baby streamer I went to one of those preachy kinda streamers who I thought was actually a pretty good friend cuz she said she loved me so much she called me her sister. I thought I was safe to confess the sensitive information that I had been excessively cyberstalked and sexually harassed by someone in the community, not that I wanted them to do anything about it but i wanted them to know why that person may be yelling his version of events to anyone that will listen when I inevitably have to ban him. At the time i did not know this person was a frienemy but when the time was right for them, they used that sensitive info to hurt me and made the man who sexually harassed me & cyber stalked me their mod, even tho they knew he went as far as threatening to kill me if I wasn’t his friend. Others on twitter came forward shortly after saying he’s done this before. AND on top of that, that same frienemy added their other streamer buddy who was more well connected with other streamers AND MODS as her mod too and he was actually the first out of everyone to victim blame me for being harassed, stalked, and threatened w\o asking for proof. When he found out I had proof, he lied to others saying I bullied the poor guy I banned and accused. He then confidently smear campaigned me (failed) on Twitter back then just because I wanted a public apology. This streamemod combo conman later became a very loud mod to the guy who publicly announced my cancellation and without a doubt in my opinion was one of the ones pushing him to do it.
THEN there's the kinds of “safe space acceptance of all” assholes that team up with the above assholes
These guys within themselves have a tight inner circle of people all groomed to be loyal (people that owe the leader something out of admiration for being helped through a life event-for example needing money for Christmas for your kids, money to stop a house being foreclosed on, money for whatever. OR false promises of success and support on twitch through various means) These kind of people love raising money for private causes and not actual charities to play hero to suffering individuals they raised the money for-so people feel indebted to them. These same streamers also have no problem only coming back to streaming to ask for personal donations to help them in their time of "need" literal days before a huge St Judes Community fundraiser event. Ponder that as you will.
They use their loyal gophers to stalk, bully & blacklists anyone thats makes them feel disobeyed, threatened, envious, or bitter. They even go against their own, people there aren’t allowed to have differing opinions because anything different than the leaders is “disrespectful” and personal slight towards them. Those people usually slowly get pushed unless they redeem themselves or give up dirt on someone on the watch list.
& to the people who courageously leave bc it becomes creepy finding out how fucked the inner workings really are, People like me, become public enemy #1. You all know what happened there and if you dont, comment and ill tell you about "The Great Cancelation of HeyyyitJess" fucking cringe bro im really not that important lmao
ANYWAY These kinda streamers use their loyals to pressure other creators or threaten to take their numbers away if they refuse to obey or stop being friends with someone they want deplatformed. Yes, I said Deplatformed. They do this so they don’t catch the fall when the truth comes out how fucked up this behavior is. They have an almost onion layered shield around them taking the full brunt of it all. If called out they could say something like "Those were my mods who conspired with those other people to plan a scandal, not me, but im sorry this is happening to you. Mistakes were made." or "I was not threatening to take your viewership, support, relevancy or friends away, that was my mods who i have no control over. Mistakes were made" ^\)keeps all mods and rewards them*
ALLEGEDLY 😂 these are my personal experience of what ive witnessed or others who have come forward but i could be a big fat liar guys its up to you who knows i might think im jesus too and think i can become the irl sailor moon or little mermaid lol its not funny but bc its so ridiculous its hard not to laugh.**
I DIGRESS-But u know who does end up getting the fall? The streamer who they convinced enough to make a declaration LIVE ON STREAM March 21st 2024 for the first 45 minutes of stream (vod is still up and ill link it-if its taken down i have it recorded and saved per legal advice Paskaroni's March 21st 2024 VOD Rule #1 Stream. • QotD) **(assuming he is talking about me bc ik he was and so does everyone else) that im-**in not exact words but close-a bully, toxic, and he declared me and my 3 friends a danger to the whole community so in his words we were and are now “DEAD” in the community...In my POV, He said that not once but twice giggling with glee basically as he told the community to flame me out bc I apparently don’t deserve to be on Twitch, have success, friends, or a platform etc and that he knows the community is strong enough to make this happen. He then seemingly encouraged people to DM him to find out who he was talking about because he had no problem sharing all the names in order to get rid of the filth of the community. Also went on bragging that at CONs they all talk about us bad people and share notes with everyone to protect the whole website from us bullies (ooooo im so scary with my truth and autistic personality that seeks justice)
I want to draw more attention to the fact that the streamer said this ALL WITHOUT PROOF. & admitted on his own accord and free will ALL BY HIMSELF there was no proof, that there were alot of screenshots from the haters that didnt say much but that he wanted to give HIS 12 hater friends the benefit of the doubt even though he always saw me as a wonderfully positive part of the community. I guess I suddenly wasnt considered a friend which is oh so convenient. Not even considered enough so to get the same benefit of the doubt let alone a conversation in general. I wouldve happily handed over the link to the 5GB file of VODS, others testimonies via calls and VALID screenshots as well as a list of other peoples info who are willing to be CREDIBLE references that witnessed events as well but NOOOOO im too scary for that. Sorry tho guys I guess im not as evil as you all think i am especially not enough to go through with suing most of their asses like my lawyer wanted. And im poor as fuck so that should mean alot.
So back at it, now, who did him wrong? In my experience the kinda cult communities that do this bullshit is easy to spot once you know what this looks like. They manipulate people, and they dont discriminate, their prey could even be the most well meaning streamers- like the one who fell victim this time. (I'm very heartbroken that that streamer i linked did that to me live and essentially had hundreds of people leaving me hate dms, threatening me, threatening my friends, friends of friends, and stream leaders, but i still am mature enough to know he is a victim too in a way).
The problematic predatory streamers or communities like the ones responsible for this dumpster fire are usually the ones preaching and over amplifying positive vibes, safe space, inclusiveness, encouragement, acceptance, enabling etc bc they are a “close knit gamers of chosen family” or even the infamous kinda things some people say unironically “were totally not a cult-those people are cults OMG do you see how toxic...THAT STREAMER IS FAKE AF she is alllllll makeup look at and her simps. She's not even a good streamer or gamer she just has her simps play for her” seeing people saying that publicly on any platform seriously is......BIG RED FLAG oh and unfotunately get used to all the toxic men getting away with everything. sad but true. then you have me over here who gets cancelled for breathing wrong. Its apart of life and i hate it. SO HERE WE ARE
BASICALLY notice if you join one of these kind of communities see how fast you can pick up on mean girl behavior. itll be obvious. (Ive seen both cult themes vary in a dark silly way but the worst I have seen is a cult theme disguised as a form of DnD themed video game religion-both sinister af imo) like these people straight up have calculated religious church or temple themed community roles like The Archpriest, Highest Priestess, Acolytes, Initiates, "so in so's" whipping boy etc.
But yeah those total MotherMarys & JesusTheHealer's that own those kinda communities totally would NEVER abuse their connections or false appearance of power to start a witch hunt of cruel lies towards an ex inner circle member who walked away. Nah it couldn’t be that they would only do that just bc they were paranoid and guilty of what little ol me or whoever knows like...idk....their unmasked personal life behaviors and actions. Nah. Couldnt be them.
All in all....Ill never understand what the point of witch hunting and manipulating creators to shield you or get them to do your dirty work is, bc it will always come to light. None of it logically makes sense on a healthy level and people will realize that it sure does seem like peeps have alot to hide or cover up EHH? 🫎
Or maybe not. Walking away peacefully and minding your own business apparently now justifies a witch hunt cyberbully party based on lies no one even attempted to confront me about. So that being said youre fucked either way. BE CAREFUL ON TWITCH lol
Id be surprised if i dont get attack comments on this. <-says this cuz now they won’t but a few passive aggressive ones won’t resist the urge for sure. Its always the ones that seem the kindest but also the loudest about how kind they are. Just something to consider.

There will probs be more posts like this in time. Only bc I refuse to be silenced by "Cancel Culture" or "Blacklisting"

Streaming has shown me a completely different kind of evil people and almost all of them preach kindness and inclusivity while “protecting their communities” publicly but privately is a whole different animal.
Once, as a baby streamer I went to one of those preachy kinda streamers who I thought was actually a pretty good friend cuz she said she loved me so much she called me her sister. I thought I was safe to confess the sensitive information that I had been excessively cyberstalked and sexually harassed by someone in the community, not that I wanted them to do anything about it but i wanted them to know why that person may be yelling his version of events to anyone that will listen when I inevitably have to ban him. At the time i did not know this person was a frienemy but when the time was right for them, they used that sensitive info to hurt me and made the man who sexually harassed me & cyber stalked me their mod, even tho they knew he went as far as threatening to kill me if I wasn’t his friend. Others on twitter came forward shortly after saying he’s done this before. AND on top of that, that same frienemy added their other streamer buddy who was more well connected with other streamers AND MODS as her mod too and he was actually the first out of everyone to victim blame me for being harassed, stalked, and threatened w\o asking for proof. When he found out I had proof, he lied to others saying I bullied the poor guy I banned and accused. He then confidently smear campaigned me (failed) on Twitter back then just because I wanted a public apology. This streamemod combo conman later became a very loud mod to the guy who publicly announced my cancellation and without a doubt in my opinion was one of the ones pushing him to do it.
THEN there's the kinds of “safe space acceptance of all” assholes that team up with the above assholes
These guys within themselves have a tight inner circle of people all groomed to be loyal (people that owe the leader something out of admiration for being helped through a life event-for example needing money for Christmas for your kids, money to stop a house being foreclosed on, money for whatever. OR false promises of success and support on twitch through various means) These kind of people love raising money for private causes and not actual charities to play hero to suffering individuals they raised the money for-so people feel indebted to them. These same streamers also have no problem only coming back to streaming to ask for personal donations to help them in their time of "need" literal days before a huge St Judes Community fundraiser event. Ponder that as you will.
They use their loyal gophers to stalk, bully & blacklists anyone thats makes them feel disobeyed, threatened, envious, or bitter. They even go against their own, people there aren’t allowed to have differing opinions because anything different than the leaders is “disrespectful” and personal slight towards them. Those people usually slowly get pushed unless they redeem themselves or give up dirt on someone on the watch list.
& to the people who courageously leave bc it becomes creepy finding out how fucked the inner workings really are, People like me, become public enemy #1. You all know what happened there and if you dont, comment and ill tell you about "The Great Cancelation of HeyyyitJess" fucking cringe bro im really not that important lmao
ANYWAY These kinda streamers use their loyals to pressure other creators or threaten to take their numbers away if they refuse to obey or stop being friends with someone they want deplatformed. Yes, I said Deplatformed. They do this so they don’t catch the fall when the truth comes out how fucked up this behavior is. They have an almost onion layered shield around them taking the full brunt of it all. If called out they could say something like "Those were my mods who conspired with those other people to plan a scandal, not me, but im sorry this is happening to you. Mistakes were made." or "I was not threatening to take your viewership, support, relevancy or friends away, that was my mods who i have no control over. Mistakes were made" ^\)keeps all mods and rewards them*
ALLEGEDLY 😂 **these are my personal experience of what ive witnessed or others who have come forward but i could be a big fat liar guys its up to you who knows i might think im jesus too and think i can become the irl sailor moon or little mermaid lol its not funny but bc its so ridiculous its hard not to laugh.**
I DIGRESS-But u know who does end up getting the fall? The streamer who they convinced enough to make a declaration LIVE ON STREAM March 21st 2024 for the first 45 minutes of stream (vod is still up and ill link it-if its taken down i have it recorded and saved per legal advice Paskaroni's March 21st 2024 VOD Rule #1 Stream. • QotD ) (assuming he is talking about me bc ik he was and so does everyone else) that im-in not exact words but close-a bully, toxic, and he declared me and my 3 friends a danger to the whole community so in his words we were and are now “DEAD” in the community...In my POV, He said that not once but twice giggling with glee basically as he told the community to flame me out bc I apparently don’t deserve to be on Twitch, have success, friends, or a platform etc and that he knows the community is strong enough to make this happen. He then seemingly encouraged people to DM him to find out who he was talking about because he had no problem sharing all the names in order to get rid of the filth of the community. Also went on bragging that at CONs they all talk about us bad people and share notes with everyone to protect the whole website from us bullies (ooooo im so scary with my truth and autistic personality that seeks justice)
I want to draw more attention to the fact that the streamer said this ALL WITHOUT PROOF. & admitted on his own accord and free will ALL BY HIMSELF there was no proof, that there were alot of screenshots from the haters that didnt say much but that he wanted to give HIS 12 hater friends the benefit of the doubt even though he always saw me as a wonderfully positive part of the community. I guess I suddenly wasnt considered a friend which is oh so convenient. Not even considered enough so to get the same benefit of the doubt let alone a conversation in general. I wouldve happily handed over the link to the 5GB file of VODS, others testimonies via calls and VALID screenshots as well as a list of other peoples info who are willing to be CREDIBLE references that witnessed events as well but NOOOOO im too scary for that. Sorry tho guys I guess im not as evil as you all think i am especially not enough to go through with suing most of their asses like my lawyer wanted. And im poor as fuck so that should mean alot.
So back at it, now, who did him wrong? In my experience the kinda cult communities that do this bullshit is easy to spot once you know what this looks like. They manipulate people, and they dont discriminate, their prey could even be the most well meaning streamers- like the one who fell victim this time. (I'm very heartbroken that that streamer i linked did that to me live and essentially had hundreds of people leaving me hate dms, threatening me, threatening my friends, friends of friends, and stream leaders, but i still am mature enough to know he is a victim too in a way).
The problematic predatory streamers or communities like the ones responsible for this dumpster fire are usually the ones preaching and over amplifying positive vibes, safe space, inclusiveness, encouragement, acceptance, enabling etc bc they are a “close knit gamers of chosen family” or even the infamous kinda things some people say unironically “were totally not a cult-those people are cults OMG do you see how toxic...THAT STREAMER IS FAKE AF she is alllllll makeup look at and her simps. She's not even a good streamer or gamer she just has her simps play for her” seeing people saying that publicly on any platform seriously is......BIG RED FLAG oh and unfotunately get used to all the toxic men getting away with everything. sad but true. then you have me over here who gets cancelled for breathing wrong. Its apart of life and i hate it. SO HERE WE ARE
BASICALLY notice if you join one of these kind of communities see how fast you can pick up on mean girl behavior. itll be obvious. (Ive seen both cult themes vary in a dark silly way but the worst I have seen is a cult theme disguised as a form of DnD themed video game religion-both sinister af imo) like these people straight up have calculated religious church or temple themed community roles like The Archpriest, Highest Priestess, Acolytes, Initiates, "so in so's" whipping boy etc.
But yeah those total MotherMarys & JesusTheHealer's that own those kinda communities totally would NEVER abuse their connections or false appearance of power to start a witch hunt of cruel lies towards an ex inner circle member who walked away. Nah it couldn’t be that they would only do that just bc they were paranoid and guilty of what little ol me or whoever knows like...idk....their unmasked personal life behaviors and actions. Nah. Couldnt be them.
All in all....Ill never understand what the point of witch hunting and manipulating creators to shield you or get them to do your dirty work is, bc it will always come to light. None of it logically makes sense on a healthy level and people will realize that it sure does seem like peeps have alot to hide or cover up EHH? 🫎
Or maybe not. Walking away peacefully and minding your own business apparently now justifies a witch hunt cyberbully party based on lies no one even attempted to confront me about. So that being said youre fucked either way. BE CAREFUL ON TWITCH lol
Id be surprised if i dont get attack comments on this. <-says this cuz now they won’t but a few passive aggressive ones won’t resist the urge for sure. Its always the ones that seem the kindest but also the loudest about how kind they are. Just something to consider.

Round 1, Pick 13 - Brock Bowers, TE, Georgia:
NFL: This is the Raiders willing to adjust the offense to take the best player available. Bowers is a spectacular player who can line up anywhere along the formation as a tight end. There aren’t many holes in his game -- which should urge new OC Luke Getsy to get creative and get Bowers and Michael Mayer on the field together.
CBS Sports: C. He’s a heck of a player, but didn’t they draft Michael Mayer last year and signed Harrison Bryant this year? They have other needs. Don’t really like this pick that much. It’s not like he’s a good blocker for their run game. Strange pick with other needs.
ESPN: What a strange first-round selection, especially considering tight end was addressed last season with the second-round selection of Michael Mayer. Offensive tackle and cornerback were bigger needs. New general manager Tom Telesco must have simply relied on his draft board and gone best player available, especially with Oregon State RT Taliese Fuaga and every single CB still available. In fact, every defensive player was still on the board, and yet ... Bowers was considered a top-10 overall talent and should provide immediate production for an anemic offense.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: Cries during Bluey but only at the opening credits.
Round 2, Pick 44 - Jackson Powers-Johnson, OG, Oregon:
NFL: Brock Bowers felt like a throwback Raiders pick to me, but JPJ really feels like an Al Davis classic. Powers-Johnson is a big, brawling interior lineman who played center last year but also can line up at guard -- the position he was announced at -- and bury the man opposite him, even if he's a little stiff and an average athlete.
CBS Sports: A. Instant starter inside. Guard size with mobile center feet. Shorter arms and some rawness in pass pro. But upside is through the roof. All-Pro caliber in that regard. Smart pick here.
ESPN: While Powers-Johnson played center at Oregon, the Raiders announced him as a guard, which makes sense since Las Vegas needs a right guard. Yes, even after the Raiders signed veteran Cody Whitehair in free agency. Powers-Johnson has started games at both guard spots and center in his college career. Last season, he started 13 games at center, was an All-America selection and won the Rimington Award as the nation's top center. He provides quality versatility, which is highly valued on the Raiders' offensive line.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: He somehow still uses a functioning Windows phone.
Round 3, Pick 77 - DJ Glaze, OT, Maryland:
NFL: A left or right tackle with great length and so-so athleticism, Glaze was considered a question mark because of some past injuries (including an ACL), but the Raiders clearly feel good about him here. He's likely a swing tackle to start out but could compete for a starting job down the line.
CBS Sports: A-. One of the more calculated OTs in the class. Rarely panics and has plus awareness. Requisite size and length to stay on the edge in the NFL. Athleticism is at times great but not a true speciality. Nothing overly standout about his game. Just high floor blocker.
ESPN: After taking a versatile interior offensive lineman in the second round in Powers-Johnson, the Raiders used their third-round pick to grab a college tackle who could also transition inside to guard in Glaze. The selection shows how much the new regime of GM Tom Telesco and coach Antonio Pierce value versatility on the offensive line, which is all but set on the left side and at center. Glaze has a long wingspan at nearly seven feet but is not known for being overly physical.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: Prefers the arrows on the keyboard over WASD.
Round 4, Pick 112 - Decamerion Richardson, CB, Mississippi State:
NFL: I joked on Day 2 that the Raiders are having another Al Davis-flecked draft, and Richardson keeps the theme rolling. He's a straight-line speed demon with great length, two very encouraging traits. But his penchant for handsy coverage and no real track record for playmaking mutes his appeal just a bit.
CBS Sports: A-. Long, sleek burner who will make plays on the football when he trusts his eyes. Lacks physicality at times and that hurts him when attempting to stop the run although when he gets to the football, he’s a very sure tackler. Smooth athlete in off-man and zone. This secondary needed this type of CB specimen.
ESPN: The Raiders finally address their defense at defensive back in particular, with Richardson who is 6-foot-2 and ran the 40 in 4.34 seconds. He needs development but did lead Mississippi State with 7 pass breakups last season, even as he never had an interception. He's also not afraid to stick his nose in the scrum as he had a combined 164 tackles the last two seasons.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: Thinks scotch tape smells like Christmas.
Round 5, Pick 148 - Tommy Eichenberg, LB, Ohio State:
NFL: Instinctive, throwback linebacker who lacks great speed. Eichenberg has the makeup to turn into a defensive tone-setter, even if his coverage ability is limited.
CBS Sports: A-. Ultra-active middle linebacker with a blitzing specialty. Smooth athlete a bit quicker than fast. Awareness is good in coverage, he will find crossers and understand in-breakers are working behind him. Strong tackler. Lack of speed and at times problems vs. blocks are weaknesses but this is a sound football player.
ESPN: Coach Pierce, who spent nine years as an NFL linebacker, gets his guy in the 6-foot-2, 233-pound Eichenberg, who provides depth while translating into a backup for Robert Spillane. Eichenberg did miss three games with an arm injury last season, a year after he was second-team All-American. More a thumper inside than a pass-coverage specialist, Eichenberg had 82 tackles (2.5 for a loss), a sack and a forced fumble in 10 games last season.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: Played the role of background tree in his middle school play.
Round 6, Pick 208 - Dylan Laube, RB, New Hampshire:
NFL: Laube become something of a folk hero at the Senior Bowl, charming fans with his personality, elusiveness and pass-catching prowess. He had 295 yards receiving against Central Michigan alone this year and legitimately could emerge as a third-down weapon in the pass game.
CBS Sports: A-. Insane receiving RB. Built low to the ground and had fine testing figures before the draft. Low, side to side wiggle but lacks speed once he finds space. Contact balance is good too. Think the small-school Blake Corum.
ESPN: An FCS All-American all-purpose player, Laube projects more as a potential kick and punt returner in the NFL rather than a rotational running back. He averaged 31.1 yards on kick returns and 11.3 yards on punt returns and had a touchdown on each. He rushed for 749 yards and nine TDs, averaging 4.7 yards per carry last season, and also had 68 catches for 699 yards with seven receiving scores, including a 295-receiving yards game against Central Michigan.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: Once wrote 250+ fake true facts for nfl draft cards like a moron.
Round 7, Pick 223 - Trey Taylor, S, Air Force:
NFL: Air Force has landed a few players in the draft the past few years after a long absence, and Taylor could make it either as a box safety or a special teams contributor.
CBS Sports: A. Thick, productive three-level safety best being closer to the line. Plays with controlled athleticism. Gets grabby against better athletes but that’s expected for a larger safety. Solid ball skills. Not ultra twitchy. Smart well-rounded type.
ESPN: The first-ever defensive back drafted out of the Air Force Academy, Taylor won the Jim Thorpe Award as the nation's top defensive back. He figures to provide immediate depth behind starters Marcus Epps and Tre’von Moehrig, but at 6-feet, 213 pounds, he has the size and instincts to be an immediate contributor. Taylor, whose cousin is Hall of Fame safety Ed Reed, had three interceptions, one pick-six, 74 tackles, five for a loss, four PBUs and a blocked kick last fall.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: Yes, you reading this COULD have come up with better Facts.
Round 7, Pick 229 - MJ Devonshire, CB, Pittsburgh:
NFL: Devonshire is a fast, tough competitor with size limitations. He was never a full-time starter in college but had strong ball production the past two years.
CBS Sports: B+. Long CB who has the frame of a nickel. Fast, decently explosive athlete. Best in press man near the line. Average to slightly above-average ball skills. Zone awareness not there yet. High floor type.
ESPN: The Raiders concluded their draft by taking their second cornerback of the day in Devonshire, who is more a physical defender who does not shy away from bump-and-run coverage than a speedy DB, though he did run a 4.45 40. The 5-foot-11, 186-pound Devonshire led Pitt with four interceptions last season, including a pick-six, and had 10 PBUs in 12 games with nine starts. Las Vegas split their eight draft picks evenly between offense (TE, G, OT, RB) and defense (two CBs, S, LB).
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: Likes bologna on white bread with mustard - it’s a flat hotdog!

i F16 am the youngest of my family and currently the last one in high school. i feel that my parents favor my older sibling over me and i have many reasons to believe so. my older sister and brother both were given brand new at the time 2020 flat-screen tvs while i was a tv that was made in the early 2000s. they bought my sibling gifts and expensive shoes while I've had to buy my clothes and shoes with my birthday and Christmas money and that is the only time i get money and it my relatives that send me money my parents have never given me a single dime unless they had too. everything in my room are hand-me-downs from my siblings nothing new and nothing lasts. my parents don't remember my age, birthday, or month i was born in, nor how to spell the name they chose for me. im also currently typing this on a used pc that I've had for 7 years and is the only access i have to my friends and the internet they wont buy me a phone not even one for emergencies and i bought this pc with my own money i saved. my father used to be sexually abusive to me when i started growing into my body and he acts as if it never happened and leaving me with horrible trauma and the fear of men. my mother is neglective i only remember her showing up two times for any school related thing and she only stayed long enough to watch me for only one of the two. i dont remember having a childhood not even a happy one yes i do love my sibling dearly and they have done no wrong to me nor even tried to but my parents whenever i try to talk to them about something important for me argue and say that im too young for it and the real world will eat me alive. i don't feel love for my parents mostly my father i don't love him at all but im not sure about my mom im not sure about her. my life before i turned 16 was horrible i was even planning to run away to a different state after my 16th birthday it was that bad it was also to the point where i was thinking about ending my life even though i had never come to that conclusion before. i feel like im a failure, not even worth anything i feel empty and all ive been able to do these past days was cry. im getting back to the point of rethinking about ending it all again its hard and i hate just having to bear everything alone the only people i can tell are strangers who ill never know. im scared and all i can do is cry and cry and cry. i feel all alone in this world like everything i do is worthless. i hate myself i wish i could tell my friends and have everything be ok for once. i want to be free with no one making the decisions for me i just want to breathe air that isn't filled with contempt for myself i just want to breathe and feel human as if im finally living for once in my life just being alive and nothing else. i hate being where i am i hate the noises of the fans in the ceilings i hate the birds chirping in the morning i hate waking up to find no food left for me i hate waking up and finding myself alone. nothing to call people to one to reach nothing to do but wait and cry. i hate being alone but its all i wish for in this house its the only time i can breathe just breathe. i know i wont do harm to myself as i hate even the smallest amounts of pain or even the thought of doing anything to myself so dont worry about that im trying to better myself even though its barely helping. i just need a way out of this family somewhere that's not here anywhere but "home".

im a harbinger of bad luck so cant believe things actually went okay-ish considering im not a competitive applicant
₊˚⊹♡.𖥔 ݁ Demographics

• Gender: Non-Binary
• Race/Ethnicity: Filipino
• Residence: Philippines (international applicant)
• Hooks (Recruited Athlete, URM, First-Gen, Geographic, Legacy, etc.): N/A
• High School: Religious private school that isnt the most competitive or well-known in the country but pretty alright.
• Income Bracket: 35k (considered middle class in the Philippines, my father is the sole breadwinner working as a lawyer and I have 2 more siblings who are still studying in private schools)
• EFC: 2k to 3k USD (i needed aid from every school)

₊˚⊹♡.𖥔 ݁ Intended Major(s): Media Production / Film and Television Production / Communications / Media Studies
₊˚⊹♡.𖥔 ݁Academics

• GPA: 3.9 for Freshman/Sophomore/Senior year, 3.6 for Junior year
• of Honors/AP/IB/Dual Enrollment/etc.: NONE, my school offered AP classes but I couldnt afford them
• Senior Year Course Load: Mostly humanities and social science classes, I did not have any science or math classes in my coursework.

₊˚⊹♡.𖥔 ݁ Standardized Testing

• SAT/ACT: Went test optional but I took it once and got a 1230 (LOW AS HELL BYE)
• ENGLISH TEST: Took the Duolingo Test and got 155

₊˚⊹♡.𖥔 ݁ Extracurriculars/Activities:
i didnt plan my extracurriculars in high school i sure did a lot and most of them were scattered out HAHA. jack of all trades, master of none moments. i tried to include mostly my media and writing related activities. aside from the ones i listed on my common app, i was immersed in a lot of social justice and political advocacy works + other sports :)

• Elections Project - assistant project head of a city wide youth elections project where we conducted mock elections, podcast interviews with politicians, and daily news coverage of the national 2022 elections.
• National Newspaper - writer contributor of a political editorial article to a national newspaper
• School Play on Social Justice - wrote and directed a play that tackled social justice issues in the country, I was the overall head of the class project and the play had runs with audience members from invited schools
• Student Council - was the student body vice president (junior year) and student body president (senior year), I was the main organizer of projects and events such as the annual school carnival, christmas fundraiser, student assistance programs, family day activities, etc.
• School Newspaper - was the news and sports editor of the school newspaper for 3 years, i also competed in journalism competitions as the representative of my school paper
• Dance Varsity - was part of the hiphop dance varsity team of my school for 4 years, we won in many national competitions
• Photography Business - owned a mini-photography business for 2 years at which I was mostly working on freelance photo editing
• International Screenwriting Competition - won 3rd place in two screenwriting competitions during my junior year
• Elderly Volunteer Organization - was part of an organization that conducted monthly outreach programs to the elderly, I served as the treasurer of the organization for 2 years
• Tutor Services - worked as a tutor of an organization that offered free onsite tutor services to elementary children, i tutored language (Eng and Fil) subjects

₊˚⊹♡.𖥔 ݁ Awards/Honors

• Academic Honors 9th-12th Grade
• Leadership Recognition 9th-12th Grade
• Community Service Recognition 9th-12th Grade
• Awards for Journalism Competitions
• Awards for Screenwriting Competitions

₊˚⊹♡.𖥔 ݁ Essay

• Common App Essay - went with prompt 3, wrote about my favorite author and how my reading habits mirrored my flaws in handling everyday life. 8/10 could have been more fleshed out and i crammed it first week of Jan.
• Supplementals - yeah I just copy and pasted a lot of these from my supplemental essays to other schools. 7/10 to 8/10

₊˚⊹♡.𖥔 ݁ LORs

• Media Studies Teacher - 10/10
• English and Literature Teacher - 8/10

I did not read the letters but im basing it on how much they like me as a student. I chose these teachers because I got high grades in their subjects and they got PhDs.
₊˚⊹♡.𖥔 ݁ Interviewss- I got none and I was too busy to go for optional interviews. I really did not display any demonstrated interest.
₊˚⊹♡.𖥔 ݁ D*ecisionss *(ALL REGULAR DECISION, actually I filed my international applications late like 2-3 weeks after the deadlines because I was in a depressive episode last January)
ACCEPTANCES

• UPD, UST, ADMU, DLSU (Top 4 universities in the Philippines)
• University of Denver - Dean Scholar (29k) + International Diversity Award (11k)
• Brandeis University - Presidential Scholarship (15k)
• Syracuse University - Dean Scholarship (10k)
• Marquette University - Pere Marquette Scholarship (29k)
• Hofstra University - Presidential Scholarship (29k)
• Drexel University
• Rutgers New-Brunswick
• University of Maryland
• University of Massachusetts Amherst
• PennState

WAITLISTS

• Wake Forest University
• Franklin & Marshall College

REJECTED

• Kenyon College
• Sewanee College

₊˚⊹♡.𖥔 ݁Reflection
well that was krazy HAHA. ik many people here showcase ivies and T20s and im not that remarkable with my t40s to t100s but i'd like to think its not that shabby for an unknown international from a third world country. my biggest regret is not applying for NYU, its my dream school but again considering my depressive episode from November to January I wasnt able to file my application on time. its a miracle that universities still accept late applications and im grateful for all that I have and received. If i could turn back time I wish I was a little bit stronger and more stable to have been able to apply for NYU, my common app essay about my favorite author was actually an alumni from NYU :")
but we carry the burdens of choice under the merits of luck; even with merit scholarships, I cant afford any of the international schools I was accepted to. more likely i'll have to attend the top university in my country. but i dont want to give up man i'll still try to appeal for financial aid and if that wont work I'll apply for transfer during my sophomore year to ivies and top LACs that give full financial aid to international transfers. the odds are low but never 0 and no harm in trying !! see you all again next year for my transfer results :]

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/JazzlikeOriginal358. They posted in AmItheAsshole
Trigger Warning: discussions of transphobia
Mood Spoiler: moving in a positive direction
Original Post: March 22, 2024
I'm having a bit of family drama and need a reality check about if I am being unreasonable here. I really need the perspective of LGBT+ sensitive individuals because the drama surrounds transphobia perpetrated by JK Rowling.
My step daughter is going through a pretty tough time. The last couple years have been really rough on her. She has been dealing with bullying at school, being held back a year, not getting along with her mom's new husband, self harm and identity issues. Lots of questioning of her sexuality and gender. (We have been working on getting her a good mental health team of doctors and therapists to help her navigate all of this, please know we aren't throwing her to the wolves or internet to deal with it all herself).
I've been in her life since she was 7. We've always had a pretty good, though not terribly close, relationship. I have not taken on a parental role, but have always tried to make myself available for her.
Until last year, her mom had primary custody and her dad had weekends with alternating holidays. Last year due to the issues with her school and mom's house, my stepdaughter requested that custody arrangements be changed.
Since she came to live with my husband and I full time, there has been quite a bit of friction between the two of us. One of the biggest points of contention is my Harry Potter fandom, particularly "The Bookcase", and my supposed transphobia (due to my apparently "wrong" stance when it comes to the politics regarding trans issues in our country)
I grew up in the hayday. So many of my childhood and teen memories are tied to the franchise. My friends and I were all really into it. We attend midnight book releases, dressed up in costume for movie releases, threw HP themed parties when we wanted to hang out, etc. In many ways it shaped the course of my entire life, those same friends and I joined our high school's botany club because herbology. That unlocked a lifelong passion of mine and my career is working with plants.
Over the years I've collected quite a bit of memorabilia, many of which are gifts, and they have always been displayed on my most prized possession. A monstrously large custom bookcase my grandfather, a former woodworker, built for me when I was a teenager. I love this thing. The shelves are live edge black walnut slabs. All around the casing my grandpa carved beautiful HP themed imagery. Owls, cauldrons, shooting stars, lightning bolts, an adorable little rat at the bottom and nibble marks from said rat, etc. It's both sentimental and valuable (the slabs of walnut for the shelves alone would be pushing a grand, let alone attempting to value the hand carved craftmanship). The bookcase has always been proudly displayed in my home. It currently lives in our living room.
During one of our family therapy sessions, my stepdaughter expressed that seeing my HP shelf made her feel really uncomfortable because of the author and that she was really disappointed in me and her father for being so supportive of a biggot. I apologized for making her feel uncomfortable in her own home, and said that I would take down the HP stuff.
So I packed up all the HP themed merch off the shelves. Made sure I didn't have the books or anything on display that said "Harry Potter" anywhere. I bought some LED grow lights and converted the bookcase into a plant shelf to display succulents. I bought some witchy, but not overtly harry potter, themed pots for the little guys so they'd go with the shelf.
This was not an acceptable compromise for my stepdaughter and has remained a point of contention. With my stepdaughter hurling that I/we (referring to my husband) broke a promise by saying we would get rid of the Harry Potter stuff. I tried to explain to my stepdaughter that, while I do not agree with JK Rowling's political stance at all, the media has a special place in my heart because of my childhood association with it and that the shelf was very important to me because it was a gift from my grandpa, but she maintains that none of that should matter because in 2024 it is nothing but a symbol of transphobia and hate.
At first my husband was supportive of me and my desire to keep my bookcase, but lately the arguments are wearing on him and he asked me if I would reconsider keeping it in the living room. Suggesting we rent a storage unit to house it in.
After the most recent blow up about it, I kinda lost my temper. I didn't yell or anything, but I did very firmly tell my stepdaughter that this is my home and my bookshelf stays. If it is such a big problem for her, she can always go back to live with her mother.
I knew it was a low blow pretty much as soon as I said it. I quickly apologized but it was out there. My stepdaughter has been on an emotional downward spiral.
My husband and I have been arguing almost nonstop. I think it is mostly stress because he is at his wits end with how to help his daughter but he is becoming pretty mean and nasty towards me. Telling me to "grow up and just get rid of the fucking bookcase"
I know I was a dick for saying my stepdaughter could always go back to live with her mom (and I suspect that will be the main topic at hand in our next family therapy session).
But am I really being unreasonable in wanting to keep my beloved bookcase?
EDIT: Thank you everyone. Honestly. Thank you for those who shared their insight and advice and thank you to the people who have asked me hard questions that made me think. Especially those who asked what matters more, a bookcase or a/my child?
I've been reflecting really hard on what my bookcase means to me an why it is so important. I'm hitting some deep truths I don't think I was ready to recognize about how I really feel about my relationship with my step daughter.
All in all I think we just need to shelf things until our next therapy session. (I'll see myself out...)
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: Can you temporarily put it in storage until she’s off to college, then take it back out? That way it will be safe, and everyone can take a deep breath and calm down a little.

OOP: I looked into storage units when my husband suggested it, for the size and climate/humidity control we would need it would cost us approximately $7,500 to store my shelf until she goes to college.
It's cost prohibitive.

Commenter: Why can't you just move the bookcase into the primary bedroom?

OOP: It's 7' x 4' x 1', made of solid wood, and we have a L shaped stair case.
The only way it is going upstairs is if it is completely dismantled and rebuilt. I don't have the skills, knowledge or tools to do that and hiring out a task like that is cost prohibitive especially because it would have to be done again when moving the bookcase back out.

Commenter: NTA. You need to put that bookcase in a room with locks, because your husband is going sell it or damage it.

OOP: My husband isn't an emotionally unstable monster. I don't believe he would ever do anything like that to me. I wouldn't have married him if he was that kind of person.
(to another commenter): I have absolutely zero concern about my husband doing anything to it. He isn't that kind of person. He is incredibly stressed out about all of this and has said shitty things in anger but this isn't some tv show where he and my stepdaughter are going to have daddy and daughter bonding time with a sledge hammer.

Commenter: I think he was just frustrated and worried about his daughter. Hopefully you can talk it out with him and he will apologize for the "grow up" comment.

OOP: That is my impression in regards to him too.
I can't imagine how hard it must be to see your child suffering and not being able to fix that pain.
I've been doing my best to give him grace due to the circumstances.
It is something we will address when he has the spoons to do so.

Commenter: One question: who owns or rents the house you are living in? If it is yours you can suggest that your husband move out and get a place of his own to his daughter liking

OOP: My husband and I purchased it together. We are both on the mortgage.

Commenter: Then time to figure out who stays, who goes, and how the equity...if any...is split.

OOP: I don't intend to divorce my husband and throw away a decade plus long relationship because he said one shitty thing to me during a period of great stress for him.

Commenter: If he destroys the bookcase to show solidarity with his daughter, what will you do?

OOP: Have him pink slipped.
That is not the action of a reasonable adult. I would be very concerned for his mental state.

Commenter: I wonder if she made similar unreasonable demands in her mother’s home or at school that lead you to the conflict there?

OOP: Part of the issues with her homelife with her mother involved my step daughter demanding that her mother choose between her now husband and her because mom's husband's political views.
So, this isn't exactly left field behavior.

Commenter: Your stepdaughter needs a massive reality check and probably different therapists.

OOP: oof. We are on our 5th

More on therapy:

Yes. She meets with a psychiatrist as well as her therapists.
(to a different commenter) We are in family counseling already. Couple's counseling is likely to happen if there isn't a resolution to this current bookcase issue in the very near future.

Commenter: Info needed: what is your ‘wrong stance’ when it comes to trans issues?

OOP: I'm kinda middle of the road when it comes to the trans political issues, and mostly take the stance of "I don't know, I have my own feelings about the issues but as it is not my area of expertise I am not beholden to them and I will leave these big problems up to the people who have made learning about them their focus of study"
Like, I get my feathers ruffled when medically uneducated politicians try to interfere with any kind of health care. Like seriously ruffled.
I believe that people facing gender identity issues should have free and easy access to health care and therapy to navigate those issues.
I believe that society in general should strive to use preferred pronouns if only as a matter of politeness.
But when it comes to things like trans people in sports or having afab only "safe spaces" - I see both sides of the argument and refer back to my "I think this should be left up to the people who focus on this and not form a super strong opinion either way based on my lay opinion"

OOP is voted NTA
Update Post: May 12, 2024 (1.5 months later)
Some one asked if I could update this situation, and I'll try my best to summarize the past several weeks.
My husband and I spoke about the situation. He apologized for being snappish with me, and agreed that SD was being unreasonable about the bookcase. He ultimately agreed to back me about it. He and I are just as tight as we ever have been.
I once again apologized to my SD for the remark I said out of frustration about her moving back with her mom. I reiterated that our home is her home too and she is always welcome here. That even though families sometimes fight and disagree we ARE family.
But the general argument about HP, JK Rowling, and my bookcase continued to escalate for a couple weeks. And then the discontent about that started to bleed over into complaints about me. She started to be more disrespectful and sarcastic.
During all of this we were still attending our family therapy sessions. Our therapist was pretty certain that the misbehavior was anxiety related and didn't suggest that we give in to the demands to have the bookcase removed and wanted to just keep working on the things we all have been.
Well, SD's disrespectful attitude hit a climax. She called me the c word and some other choice things within my husband's ear shot. My husband honestly kinda lost it on her. I don't think I have EVER seen him that angry before. He was bright red and vein popping angry as he marched her to her room and declared "YOU WILL NOT SPEAK TO MY WIFE IN SUCH A WAY".
This was probably the first time my SD had ever seen her dad angry, let alone anger directed at her. It left her pretty shook. Like that was her rock bottom. We ended up needing to do a couple emergency session with her counselor because there was concern about her relapsing with some self-destructive issues she has been working on.
But that incident lead to us having a break through. Her counselor invited my husband and I into one of her sessions, and she had a bit of a break down. Basically she was dealing with a lot of existential dread and a lot of fear due to politics and it being an election year.
That ended up being an excellent opening for us to bond. This is gonna sound silly but I was able to pull up my social media timelines back from 2016 and I showed her some of the things I had written or had shared with me back then.
She was able to see that I shared a lot of the same fears that she has.
So we have all had some really big talks about things like feeling helpless when things are out of your control, about disengaging from the media machine for your own mental health, etc.
Things have been on the upswing since then. Before she left for her mom's this past weekend she even gave me a mother's day gift. An adorable little planter that says Caution: Mandrakes.
I love it. I put one of my favorite props in it and it is front and center on the bookcase now.
Relevant Comments:
To a downvoted commenter:

your continued support of JK Rowling through fandom will likely be an issue for other LGBT people in your life

The only other LGBT person in my life sent me bertie botts every flavor beans in my christmas package this past year...
Commenter: This poor girl is terrified of being kicked out from another set of abusive parents and is forcing herself to buy merchandise to support someone who wants her dead to make her stepparent happy. This update is horrifying, for real.

OOP: Hope you stretched before this reach.
SD was not kicked out of her mom's home. That was a choice she made. She is in no danger of being kicked out of our home either.

dealing with a problematic member of a board games group
Originally posted to Ask A Manager
EDITORS NOTE: Changed Q to Quinn for easier reading
Original Post Sept 15, 2022
I wanted to write and say thank you.
I am part of a local board games group, and started to run the group a while ago. It’s a great group of people who all enjoy coming together to play board games and have fun, and it was one of the key factors in making my husband and I feel at home in the city where we live. We have both made friends with people in the group, and it’s now a firm part of our life here. In addition, a regular member who left recently said that the group was the highlight of his week, which was lovely to hear. I love running the group!
However, there is a member of the group, Quinn, who has been in the group since it started (seven years or more) and has been displaying problematic behavior since he joined (rude comments, refusing to play anyone else’s games, losing his temper at times, leaving games in a huff when he’s losing, and generally making the atmosphere unpleasant for others). When we joined, we were told that Quinn bothered everyone but was just something that was being in the group, so we went along with that. At the time, the group was very serious and inclined towards more serious board games, and only three people ever brought games. There has been a real change of culture since then, with a range of games being played (light games, traditional games, and heavy games) and everyone brings games now. The atmosphere is a lot lighter, with more emphasis on having fun and being social, and this is something that Quinn does not enjoy and has not adjusted well to.
When I started to run the group, I noticed Quinn’s behavior was having a terrible effect on the group (people not coming back because of him or doing anything to avoid playing with him, and his preference for playing games in reverential silence making sessions less fun for everyone). I also realized that some people were at breaking point with this and it might contribute to them leaving.
The deputy (Kelly) and I wanted to ensure that we did it fairly and using the right procedure. We gathered feedback on the group, (which was useful in itself!), which confirmed that Quinn’s behavior was an issue, and I spoke to him, named what we were seeing with clear examples, and explained what we needed to see change. Quinn said he would take it on board. Your scripts and language were very helpful, as Quinn takes things very literally and factually.
Quinn’s behavior improved for four weeks, which was great. Some people have put up with it for so long that no amount of change will make them want to play games with Quinn, but some people were willing to give Quinn a chance. Unfortunately, Quinn’s behavior started to slip after four weeks, culminating in a session where they almost put a new member off coming back by lecturing them about group etiquette and insulting their game shelves with what was meant to be a joke, but did not land.
I spoke to Quinn again and explained that since the behavior we discussed had returned, if this did not improve, we would have to ask Quinn to leave as the group is for everyone and I need to do what’s right for the group as a whole.
Quinn took the points on board and was visibly upset at the thought of being asked to leave the group. Since we spoke to them, they haven’t attended of the two sessions since then, but they are still chatting on our Discord channel and seem to be trying to make amends by promoting the group to a students’ group in the city we live in.
We don’t know what will happen, but Kelly and I have agreed what behaviors will mean Quinn will be asked to leave, and your scripts and posts were invaluable in thinking about how to tackle this, and what language to use. Your posts have helped me realize that being the group leader means that the buck stops with me. For example, my husband and I disagreed on how to handle the situation (he was in favor of asking Quinn to leave immediately) but I had the confidence to think it through, follow the process through fairly, and know that if it didn’t work, that responsibility would rest with me.
This isn’t related to work per se, but I wanted to say thank you very much for the invaluable and free advice which has really helped me in navigating this situation!
Update Apr 11, 2024
I am the letter writer who runs a board games group and used Alison’s excellent advice about communication to deal with a problematic member of the games group and the issues their behavior was causing.
We had a twist in the tale recently when Quinn, the member who was asked to leave the group because their behavior was negatively impacting others, asked if they could come back.
For four weeks every year, we use a different venue as another group needs our normal venue. One one of the four weeks, I went for a walk before the session and noticed what looked like Quinn in the park. When the session started, Quinn appeared, just “passing by,” and we had a quick chat about this and that before they asked if they could come back to the group, saying they were in a better place now. They then left without ordering anything, which makes me think they dropped in just to see us.
I said I would send a message, and gave it due consideration. I also asked a friend who knows Quinn and used to be in the group, but has now moved, for their more objective input.
The decision was no: the group is working well as it is, with high numbers and between 11 and 20 people per session, and Quinn coming back would lead to awkwardness and possible animosity from a few people, some of whom would speak their mind. We would also lose a lot of members, and the group would slowly decline. For what it’s worth, one person who had some very negative interactions with Quinn, when they heard why Quinn was there ( they were round the corner), exclaimed “No!” to Quinn coming back, and this person is one of the nicest people you’ll meet. Similar reactions were given from others.
I sent Quinn a message explaining the decision, and I was as fair and kind as possible given the circumstances. Quinn has found another games group, albeit one that only plays light games, (not heavy games, Quinn’s preference), and I mentioned that and said it sounds like a nice group (which it does).
Quinn was perfectly pleasant when we chatted, but that was for about eight minutes, and they knew what was coming. They also said that they weren’t often doing the things I’d mentioned anymore (moving other people’s pieces, and a couple of other examples I gave), and that although their new group likes light games, they are helping some people progress up to heavier games. It wasn’t clear if the people wanted to progress (one of the issues we had was Quinn assuming that everyone wanted to progress).
The games group continues to do well, with enough surplus each year to give everyone free sessions every January, and we receive frequent feedback that the atmosphere is friendly and welcoming and that people feel at home and confident to bring and teach their games there. Our annual Christmas potluck dinner and session with a Secret Santa also continues. We also have a Google sheet with people’s games collections, if they want to add them, thanks to one of our members who likes spreadsheets.
For myself, Ask a Manager continues to help me out at work! I recently applied for a job which would be a step up income wise and I used Alison’s tips, and I use the communication tips in daily life as well as at work. I was actually used as a bargaining chip in recent negotiations at work over a type of meeting that needs minuting (for my minuting skills), so I will take that as a compliment!
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

Me and my bf dated for a year and I broke up with him a couple times because we were in different parts of our lives because I was still in school and didn’t know where I was going to end up.
I applied to over 30 jobs and have several second round interviews and was always passed over for the other candidate. I landed a job in the college town we met which is where he still is, although it’s not what I want to do long-term. I just graduated with my Masters degree so this is my first big girl job.
I broke things off for the last time in February because if I were to end up somewhere far away, he said he wouldn’t want to do the distance unless it was maybe 4 hours away max, which is understandable I just wanted him to fight for me a little more.
About a month after I broke up with him, I called him in tears sobbing how all my friends were getting jobs and I wasn’t and he answered on the first ring and listened to me for three hours. I gave him a Christmas card in December and he showed me that it was still hanging on his fridge in March.
We hooked up a couple weeks after that phone call and I told him I don’t think we should do that again because I was sad about it and he said he felt the same. We slowly stopped talking after that.
I was going back to the college town for the weekend and asked if he was free. He said he had plans and it broke me because I wanted to catch up and tell him about me moving back.
I didn’t accept this job offer because of him and the possibility of it working out. I accepted because it was quite literally the only thing I could get and I was getting antsy.
I’m just nervous to move back and ask to reconcile things and him not want to take the risk and move forward with me.
I know we both still have immense feelings for each other but how do I approach this situation?
TLDR: broke up with my ex due to uncertainties about where I’ll end up after graduation, ending up moving back to the same city he’s in

The moment a lot of you have been waiting for is here!
A couple of notes before you read (or after because I would just jump into the list right away too)

1. Direct quotes from Ali herself are in italics.
2. I tried my best to keep everything in timeline order. Some people like The Come Back Kid I placed in the order where they reconnected/talked about on the pod. But I did my best to note this.
3. All this information came from the FMH podcast, the Patreon, the original FMH blog, TikTok and other podcast that feature FMH/Ali. I also crossed reference information with this sub. I got most of this done with the help of the Patreon and listening to 1.75x speed but I lost accessed to the Patreon because my subscription ended.
4. I'm open to edits! Things around the matchmaker era confused me and if anything is incorrect or if I'm missing someone, please let me know! I will note where corrections are made.
5. Some people don't have anything simply because only a name was said or I couldn't find any details about the person/date
6. And of course, please be respectful of all the sub rules!

Names on the original FMH blog

• Mr. Adorable aka The Coach
• Trouble
• Waffles
• Future Husband Brian (FHB)
• Cookie
• Peter Pan
• Ambiguous Goodbye Guy
• Bad Bitch Man

AOL chatroom Boyfriend
Mentioned on Tiktok and on the pod once
Myspace Boyfriend
Mentioned on Tiktok
Third Boyfriend
Met on eCrush.com in 2002 and this was mentioned on the Cracked Up podcast, The Dave Glaser Podcast and Tiktok
The Kiwi
Met on a 2 week Model UN type youth trip in high school when Ali was 15, never a boyfriend but she had a huge crush on him, he tried to kiss Ali and she literally ran away, didn’t talk the rest of the trip but exchanged numbers and screen names (Ali’s was FineGal13 or BeachJewel760), she made him a mixtape cd called “Ali’s really cool mix for The Kiwi” but never sent it and she still has it. In 2021, he DM’d her when she posted photos of her and her mom in France and invites her to visit him in London, she says she can’t but says they should catch up if he comes to NYC
Fourth Boyfriend
Met on OkCupid when you had to use it on the computer, this was mentioned on Tiktok
The Homecoming Date or Light Switch
First boyfriend? (she goes back and forth calling him her first bf or a situationship), a family friend, a month younger than Ali, dated in high school but went to different high schools, football player, made him ask her to her Homecoming dance over email (her words), Ali hid in the bathroom the whole Homecoming dance, 3-4 revisits of this situations as adults, saw him on Bumble a few years ago and texted him that he had a typo in his bio, “he very much wanted to be with me” and now he’s married with a kid. His mom is still “obsessed” with Ali and she listens to FMH
Random college guy
Freshman year of college, Ali doesn’t have a nickname for him/doesn’t remember his real name, met this guy through a friend, was texting him to invite him over to hot tub but her phone autocorrected to “how about some hot rubbing tonight?” but Ali didn’t noticed/didn’t correct it and he never replied, Ali had a house party and got really drunk and was all over him, he left the party early, she messaged him on MySpace 3-4 times asking why he left
The Resident
Matched on Match.com, first guy she dated in NYC after college, older than Ali, a doctor, lasted 3 months ”maybe”, he didn’t like Ali’s friends, got a card from him on her birthday and it said “Love, The Resident” and it took Ali back a little, Ali drinks black coffee because of him, he coordinated having her mom visit NYC for her birthday then he broke up with her a week later
The Ghost
Met at a bar when she was 25, turns out they matched on OkCupid and they already had a date scheduled next week, they dated for 6-8 weeks, had sleepovers, “The worst ghosting experience I’ve ever had”, he borrowed The Great Gatsby from Ali’s roommate, planned to make dinner together after a beach trip in August with her friends and never showed up, Ali is blowing up his phone and gets no reply, two weeks later she finally texts “are you alive? check yes or no” and he responds “Yes”, Ali then ask if he could return the book and gets no reply again, 5 months go by and she receives the book in the mail with the note: “Here’s the book back. Sorry. P.S. sorry about last summer. I was in a bad place. You’re a great person and your salmon is amazing”, since then she has ran into him twice on the streets and matched with him on Bumble
The Coach/Mr. Adorable
First serious boyfriend at 26/27 in 2013, matched on Match.com or met through work depending if you’re listening to the pod or reading her OG blog, clean-cut look, played volleyball, Ali invited him to a friend’s birthday party and they made out in the streets at 4am, on their second date he asked Ali if she was seeing any one and when Ali said no he ask her to be his girlfriend 3 days after their first date, dated for almost 1.5 years or almost 2 years depending on if you’re listening to the pod or the Patreon, first time saying “I love you” to a guy, “lovely guy“, never would posted Ali on his instagram until Ali said something, he “lived” with her for two weeks while he was in between apartments, tried blind folding/hair pulling during sex and she didn’t like it, by the end of their relationship Ali didn’t like sex and thought she wasn’t a very sexual person, after they broke up Ali drunk texted him at 2am and he picked her up and she spent the night and she took her things in the morning in a rolly suitcase, from her blog in 2015: “I just want to be careful I don’t end up with another Mr. Adorable situation, where I find myself dating my platonic best friend”, had drinks with him in 2016 from the blog: “Not in a romantic way (at least on my end)”, Ali still talks to him sometimes through casual instagram DMs, he’s currently (as of 2021) dating someone for 4+ years and Ali thinks they’re going to get engaged
Trouble
OG 2015 FMH blog, never mentioned on the pod, “I was immediately enamored with him”, met at a Beer Olympic party but he worked with one of Ali’s best friends (Ali was still dating The Coach at the time), lived in BK, tattoos and stubble, Ali’s best friend said he was a “fuck boy”, “he very much made me see that it was the right thing for me and The Coach to not be together”, from her blog in 2015: “he has this look in his eye like he’s constantly laughing at me – in a super sexy way”, he texted her saying he didn’t see anything romantically with her and she sent a gif of someone shrugging
Personal side note: Ali has mentioned she has cheated on someone but never disclosed who she cheated on or with. I feel like she cheated on Mr.A/The Coach with Trouble because of the timeline. Just a guess.
Waffles
Matched on Bumble, OG 2015 FMH blog, he asked Ali fuck/marry/kill breakfast foods, dated 2 months around summer time, on Fourth of July while watching fireworks he said how they had a great day and Ali replied with something along the lines with “yeah, it would be better if I could call you my boyfriend”, he said he wanted a relationship but just not with Ali and shortly afterwards they stopped seeing each other
The Buffalo
Lived in Buffalo NY, 6’5, Scorpio, met in 2015 at Adults National volleyball (Ali’s team won that year) where he was heckling her while she was playing, asks Ali’s mom for her number and Ali’s mom said “I guess you’re tall enough” and told him to ask her himself, he flew her out and she met his parents, dated over summer, exclusive but never boyfriend/girlfriend (but called him her LD boyfriend on TikTok), texted and talked on the phone a lot, Ali’s best friend’s favorite ex “they had really good banter”, in October he invited her to his cousins wedding and she invited him to her friends wedding, after Ali bought her ticket to his cousins wedding (with the promise he would buy her ticket to her friend’s wedding) he ghosted and stonewalled her, she “poured her heart out to him on voicemail” and he never replied, she asked him to pay her back for her ticket and he got mad that she “made this about money”, 2 years later he told Ali that he freaked out because he really liked her and saw a future with her but knew she would never move to Buffalo and it would “never work”, Ali said at the time she would have considered moving for him, Ali used to have him blocked on Facebook and told all her friends not to update her on info about him (unless she asked). He’s now married and goes to Disney with his wife (which Ali kind of scoffs at?), Ali said on TikTok that she dodged a bullet
Baby Bic
Met him at Adults National years ago, had a flirtationship with him in 2016 when he was 19 years old, ran into him at the Adults Nationals 2021, last texts she got from him were about getting his fake ID taken away at the bar and him visiting her in NYC but Ali didn’t want to buy him beer and drink at her apartment
The Chef
Matched on Tinder around 2016, he loved karaoke, “total shit”, asked Ali to be his girlfriend and to meet his mom after a month, off and on dating, broke up the first time because he was talking to his ex, lied and flew to Mexico to see his ex while dating Ali, that ex sent Ali a Snapchat of them in bed together on that Mexico trip, Ali broke up with him via text and called him a shitty boyfriend, he’s the reason Ali deleted her Snapchat because of drunk Snaps he would send post break up, FB messaged Ali 6 years later (while Roark was visiting/staying with Ali) and said sorry for being a shit head. Ali’s best friends hated him
The Dentist
Met on Halloween in the wild, Canadian, dated NYE 2016- May 2017 “nice guy, not my guy”, one of Ali’s best friend’s favorite ex “he adored you, “he was too sweet for me” and “he had no edge to him”, he painted Ali’s cat for her 30th birthday but she was annoyed it was just Rory and not both cats, The Chef texted Ali while on a date/sleeping at his house
ASV - Aspiring Sober Vegan
Met through a friend (her best guy friend’s college roommate) the day before she had to fly out to her dad’s memorial, a doctor, into meditation, remembered him “being cuter” when they went on a first date, felt “the spark”, had “omg this is awesome sex”, Ali described this relationship as a “slow burn” and “the most attracted she ever been to a partner” even thought she didn’t think he was that cute in the beginning, dated 2-3 months before he tried to ghost Ali but they talked and broke up, four months later they start casually dating/FWB because he’s moving but this turns into a ‘middle distance relationship’ and he moves to Philly, had a lot of communication issues but didn't have a lot of fights, wants to live in Ohio and give a % of his income to charity, Ali was close to saying ‘I love you’ but didn’t, he uninvited her to meet his extended family and they got in a fight, broke up with her a couple weeks before their 6 month anniversary at the park while on a picnic and told her that she’s still his favorite person, Ali used to think he was “the one that got away” and would frequently have dreams about him. From what Ali knows, he's sober but not vegan
The Scientist
2017 or 2018ish, from San Diego, went on one date, Ali ended up ghosting him due to the decline in her dad’s health, saw him on Hinge while she was in San Diego for 3 months in 2020, texted him and apologized for ghosting him, ended up going on 2-3 more dates, took a selfie in front of his house and sent it to him but acted like she didn’t know that was his house and made a TikTok about it, things ended up not working but she doesn’t make it clear on who ended it. She can now see she shouldn’t have been going on dates during this time when her dad was sick.
Good on Paper Divorced Dude
Met a couple of years ago (she told this story on TikTok in 2020) on Bumble
The Groomsman
Met at her friend Ashley’s wedding in Chicago Oct 2019, had a “two night stand” with him, texted/talked/FT’d for 3-4 months, divorced, never dated seriously/FWB, saw each other a couple time when he came to NYC, Ali stopped talking with him due to FMH and her trying to find a serious relationship, he starts dating someone, follows FMH on insta, slid into her DM in 2022 and then sent her soup while she was sick, turns out he’s single again, 2 months later Ali is heading to Chicago and texts him “Hello! Reminder that my arrival to your neck of the woods is imminent” and turns out he is now seeing someone and Ali doesn’t see him while in Chicago (at least she doesn’t mention it)
Unnicknamed person
He was her plus one at her best friend from college’s NYE wedding 2019/2020, met and hung out with Ali’s mom, posted photos of them together on her personal Insta story, “fully dating but weren’t official hehe” doesn’t have a nickname/never gave him a nickname? This could be The Latvian/the person she texted her friend in DC about saying “I think I’m on a date with my husband”

Starts FMH on January 2020 on Instagram/TikTok

The Traveler
He was browsing Bumble while Ali was in the bathroom during their first date, he was banned from Bumble and was using his grandma phone number. Ali turned down a second date
The Duke
Early FMH, went for long periods of time in between texts, 7-8 Zoom dates while Ali was in San Diego and he was in NY, Ali said you could see three of his ex’s on his instagram page (without scrolling), they finally went on one date and it was “meh” but they did kiss on their date
The Oyster
Matched on Bumble (he had one photo and no bio) two weeks before Valentines Day, Gemini, a lawyer, part of the 13 First Dates in 30 Days series (he was #13), dated Feb 2020-Aug 2020, love bomber, felt “the spark” and became official after 3 dates, best first date ever??? at the time, said “I love you” to Ali after two weeks, “For most of my relationship with The Oyster, he didn’t live in the city he had moved to Connecticut without telling me”, would fight all the time, opposite political views, Ali felt like a “fucking summer camp director” because she planned all their dates and he would get upset if Ali didn't have a plan, sought out a therapist (Megan) because of her relationship struggles because of him, went to Mass/church, he wanted a traditional marriage/life/wife/kids (at one point had Ali thinking she wanted that), didn’t want to live in NYC, didn’t support BLM, Cindy hated him
The Pilot
Went on 3 dates, texted a lot, didn’t hear back from him in four days and when she said she was looking to date someone who showed more consistency, he replied saying he met someone the day after their last date who seems to have more free time than Ali and he wants to pursue that but would like to be friends, Ali said on TikTok that this other women “bent her schedule to his schedule” and she was unwilling to do that. Mostly talked about him on TikTok
The Analyst
Matched on Bumble two years ago and went on one date, re matched in 2021 and he stood Ali up, she send him a text “getting stood up” script and he never replied. Only mentioned him on TikTok (?)

Ali and Roark start FMH: The Podcast February 2021

The Boomerang
First date on the pod? I couldn't find anything else about him
The Scuba Diver
The Music Man
One date, “he didn’t do anything wrong, he’s just not for me”, amped up small talk, complimented Ali a lot which made her feel awkward cause she wasn’t feeling it, he texted her and asked for a second date and Ali sent the no ghosting script
The Bet
Uses the phrase “ok bet”, 28 years old shoe designer, only went on one dinner date to a spot he picked, turns out its cash only and he didn’t bring cash, was not into him , not looking for the same thing
The Dinosaur
Nickname was previously The Hawaiian, first date at Dinosaur BBQ, stood in a parking spot to save for Ali, he asked for a kiss after their date and Ali declined saying maybe next time
The Rose
He sent her a rose on hinge, first date was an hour long walk in the park while drinking beer
The Comic
Matched on Hinge, older than Ali (Ali’s friends express how happy they were to hear that), had brunch on their first date (was the first part of a double header but the second guy canceled), listed as “moderate” politically on Hinge, good and easy convo, went back and forth twice over text and then never heard back from him, “technically not ghosting...”
The Camper
Met in the wild at a volleyball tournament in July, lives in Chicago, 27 years old, hung out the whole time, over heard Ali asking someone to get her a make out partner, gave Ali his number, drunkly ask him for a FT date in the future and he didn’t reply, Ali texts him again about a volleyball thing and he replied back with not a lot of enthusiasm, Ali is going to Chicago in Sept for a volleyball tournament and she’s already planning on playing 4-on-4 with her best friend vs. his roommate and maybe The Camper, he texts her saying he has to work on the date of the tournament and won’t be able to do the 4-on-4 game, “I feel like I got broken up with someone I never want to date in the first place”

Ali’s Matchmaker contract starts in August 2021 - 6 matches

The Schmoozer
Went on a dinner date, was chatting up the waitress in a kind of creepy way, was bragging about a lot of things and it turned Ali off and Ali texted him her no ghosting script
The Accountant
1st matchmaker match, 31 years old, lives in BK, his dad has also passed away, easy to talk to, on the third date she wasn’t sure if she saw a future with him and in her gut doesn’t feel like this would be a slow burn, Ali breaks things off with him, months (?) later he sent Ali a 5 min long voice memo and they said they were both down to see each other as friends. He later on dated and ghosted Erica
The Aussie
Matched on Hinge, in politics, from Australia but lived all over the place, asked Ali what she’s looking for on the first date and he said he’s “casually looking for something serious”, Ali accidentally walks up to a different person on their second date, Ali texts him saying she would love to see him before he leaves on a trip and she wasn’t happy that it took him till the next day to reply and he can’t see her before he leaves
The Goalie
Was supposed to be Ali’s 2nd match, he’s a paying client, Ali didn’t hear back from him for a while when she told him where she lived, he wrote to the matchmaker saying that she lived too far away even though it states where she lives in her matchmaker profile
The Journalist
2nd matchmaker match, ended things because she was dating/pursuing things with The Discoball and paused her matchmakers matches

The Threepeat
Matched multiple times on dating apps but this recent time with Hinge, Amazon seller, first date was a pizza lunch date (with bubbles aka champagne) and he gave her a single yellow carnation, talked a lot about her “side hustles” aka her food blog, coaching, FMH and the pod (Ali didn’t mentioned the name on FMH), had an awkward half kiss during the date and then gave her a peck when they said goodbye, he had no night stands by his bed?, spent the night but told public pod they had a movie night, different kissing styles, 6 dates, broke things off with Ali two days before her first date with The Rower WHILE Ali was on a Halloween girls trip
The Rower
Dated from Halloween 2021 till early Feb 2022, Pisces who is 6 days older than Ali, has an ex-fiancé (they dated for 8 years, engaged for two of them, she broke off the engagement with him 1.5 years ago once he started dating Ali), has a shared dog with this ex, slept together around Xmas on the fourth date and Ali got a UTI, first time having “omg this is awesome sex” since ASV, first person Ali slept next to wearing an eye mask "that's a big step for me", had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, on New Years Day told her that he sees “long term relationship potential” with her but doesn’t want to be exclusive after 5 dates, “we didn’t talk all week”, he said he wasn’t as ready as he though to date someone seriously and “I don’t know why I don’t want to be in a relationship with you” they broke up over the phone, Ali said he’s a good human and wants to date someone like him, 3.5 weeks later Ali drunk texted him at 3:00 am saying “its really hard not to talk to you” which Ali said was a lie, he replied back (few days? A week later?) while Ali was on another date and it made her cry a bit, she replied back saying “the door is closed but not locked” in regards if he wants to get back together. “Fin… for now”

2022

The Discoball
Matched on Hinge but didn’t go on a first date for two week, Gemini, used to be a singer in a band, moved from DC to NYC, went on 7 dates in 2022, had a dog w/ ex and ex got full custody once he moved, met one of his friends on the second date, slept with him on the second date “morning and night”, he tried to find the podcast without knowing the name, podcasted from his house in DC, he would send Ali photos of them together “all the time”, gave a virtual presentation from his hotel room, did Molly together in DC, had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, moved to BK (didn’t see each other for 2 months pre-move), had a sex-less sleepover (a milestone for Ali), he showed up for her on her dad’s death date (something that a person she’s dating has never done), used to listen to the pod but stopped before they stopped seeing each other, ghosted her after they had a talk about moving things forward to exclusive and Ali texted him something along the lines of “your silence is the answer” when she didn’t hear back from him for a week and he ghosted her. Ali said he sucks in #77 AUA
Lisbon
The Brit
M&M
The Come Back Kid
They went on 2-3 dates in Nov 2018 and reconnected in May 2022, "felt immediately comfortable", sat next to a very drunk lady on their second 1st date and was supportive but "didn't step on Ali's toes" when the drunk lady said something offensive to Ali, couldn’t remember if they slept together or not, knows about FMH, ghosted Ali
The Trainer
The Cold Brew
The Nomad
3rd matchmaker match, reminded Ali of The Oyster, wanted kids and didn’t want to live in NYC forever, Ali was upset at first because her matchmaker was supposed to screen for that but the matchmaker DID check and it wasn’t mentioned when she was screening The Nomad, no second date because those are dealbreakers to him
The Catcher
Matched on Bumble, “good not great” after their first date, ~April 2022, talked about sports a lot on their first date
The Gentleman
4th matchmaker match, knew about Ali’s FMH socials before their date, Ali didn’t like his texting style, awkward intro on their first date “like hugging a 2 x 4”, he runs a dating event company and actually email Ali to be a guest on the pod when FMH first started, awkward goodbye, didn’t discuss the actual first date on the main pod because she doesn’t want to give him a reason to reach out again
The Tennis Pro
Ali had a good time on their date, “He is an adult, he’s mature” BUT “I don’t think he was into it”
The Padre
Matched on Bumble, 3 dates, from San Diego, “energy mismatch”, doesn’t want to know or listen to FMH, no psychical connection/kiss, only a kiss on the cheek on their last date, “I haven’t spoken to him since Friday night [a week]”, she didn’t want to do what The Threepeat did to her (break up while on vacation/traveling), she said it might be a MOO

Roark leaves and Erica joins the pod Oct 31st 2022

Captain Kirk
5th matchmaker match, found him on Bumble before their in-person date, ghosted Ali AND the matchmaker???
6th matchmaker match
Last match and Ali states she will not talk about this date or anything about it
JFK Kirk?
Matched on Bumble, didn’t realize he’s located in SD, exchanged personal instagram info, not sure where things went or how things ended

Kirk #1
Met in the wild, make out a lot the night they met, “stealing kisses throughout the night”, exchanged numbers, planned a date (no specifics, just the day) but when Ali texted him day of he asked to reschedule (no specifics again), he replied back that he’s picking up a rental car, told him she’s looking for someone to respect her time and he never replied back

2023

The Falcon
First date of 2023, matched on The League, first nickname was “League Kirk”, hard to talk to, felt like Ali was always reaching for the next topic, likes to travel, “there wasn’t a vibe”, MOO
The Roommate
Used to be her friend’s roommate and have met before (Ali doesn’t remember but it was the day after that exclusive convo with The Rower), “totally cute”, reunited at their mutual friend’s engagement party January 2023, made out at the bar, comes back to her place and sleeps over (no sex), Ali questions why her friends never set them up and its because he was taking a break from dating, first date they made out a lot at the bar (again), “I really felt like we were already a couple”, “It didn’t feel like a first date”, mentions her FMH content has popped up on his FYP, tried texting him after their date and he wasn’t giving effort, she’s glad she didn’t sleep with him because “one night stands aren’t my thing”, MOO
The Belgian
Matched on Bumble, accidentally had their first date during a trivia night at a bar, easy to talk to
The Viking
Ali forgot they had a first date on the day of said date
Tinder Man
Matched on Tinder (duh) on Valentine’s Day, first Tinder date in three years, good convo on first date but got a pushy vibe from him at the second bar they went to, put his hand up her sweater and was kissing her in the bar, made Ali uncomfortable and she told him that after her asked her on a second date
The Historian
Matched on Bumble, good conversation on the first date with a wide range of topics like “urban planning and its impact on feminism”, he’s in grad school
The Georgian
Matched on Hinge, he asked if she was free on Friday and she said yes but didn’t hear back from him in two days and in that time she made plans for Friday, rescheduled for a Saturday afternoon date at a dive bar, ate on her way to her date “it would be next level rude to eat on the subway”, good first date, talked about places he wants to take her to
The Publicist
Matched on Tinder, lives in BK, Jewish, one year younger then Ali, good first date, invited him to the Chaotic Singles Party that night, came over to Ali's apartment (which Ali said was messy) before and he made her favorite cocktail for her, a couple of listeners met him at the CSP, goofy and silly convo mixed with deep and serious convos, second date was at the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens and a tasting menu dinner, he made a Resy reservation and Ali got an email saying she was added to it ”fuck receiving gifts, THAT’S my love language”, he's into words like Ali, he sneezed and Ali said "God bless you" but then corrected herself and said "gesundheit" and he leaned over and kissed her and said he loves that she cares about her words, he met her friends on the third date ”It felt so easy. It felt so comfortable”, her friends took “sneaky” picture and videos of them together which Ali said she loves a sneaky pic, took all their date recap videos on his phone, cooked Ali steak on their fourth date, "it's very comfortable", had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, Ali met two of his friends and some of his teammates he plays a rec sport with, had sex the day they took a trip outside of the city, Erica met him before their trip to Greece and I said “he’s dorky in a good way”, WhatsApp video chatted while in Greece and told her “see you in two days!” at the end of their call, said she felt less anxious about him compared to other relationships while on vacation, sent him a birthday present while she was in Greece, felt an energy shift coming back from vacation and didn’t hear back from him 3 days after she came home, Ali requested a call to talk about this distances she was feeling, ”I did the 12 date rule and it didn’t work!”, she said the distance help her see that they’re not compatible, went on a total of 9 dates. Ali talks about the “break up” on episode 123
Mr. Chaotic
Matched on Tinder but he saw Ali at the Chaotic Singles Party and Cassidy the host is there mutual friend, went to a brewery and played games on their first date (Ali said this was her favorite first dates in episode 147 where they recapped 2023), works in entertainment industry, very high energy, knows about FMH and he said she's entertaining to watch, splits his time between NYC and some unknown city, texted while she was in Greece, ”The man gives good texts”
Random Matchmaker Match
Withdrew his match to Ali because he found her FMH socials. Talked about on #71 AUA
Gone with the Wind
Matchmaker match, said some gross things about women in volleyball outfits on their first date, Ali told her matchmaker about this, ”I would describe him as misogynistic overall”, Ali was glad he did say those weird things so early on so she didn’t waste her time, the matchmaker flagged his account. This was around June 2023
The Rock
Ali knows him from an activity that they used to be involved with in the city (she's very vague about what this is) from 8 years ago, he had a very serious/long term GF when they met, follows her personal Insta, has never talked about him because he’s never been a “prospect”, summer 2023 they met up to catch up and found out that he’s now recently single but he’s moving out of NYC for work, Ali texts Cindy saying she thinks this is a date, Cindy said to tell him that you really want to kiss him, he ends up telling Ali “I really want to kiss you”, made out at the bar, Ali invited him back to her apartment and they had sex the night before Ali ended things with The Publicist, “one night stand vibes” but she said she was down to do it again, Patreon only and talked about on #75 AUA
The Tourist
Matched on Hinge, just moved to Brooklynn, went to a brewery in BK for their first date, Ali showed up to the date dripping in sweat, allergic to cats, he sent Ali a ‘no ghosting’ text the next morning
The Stout
Matched on Bumble, ”we had really great banter right away”, laughed the whole time on their first date, talked about going on a second date during their first date
Speed Racer
Matched on Bumble, drinks first date, axe throwing second date, made out after their second date, MOO, randomly texted Ali ~6 months later because he said one of Ali’s date recap videos about him popped up on his FYP (Ali and Erica think this is a lie), he thought Ali wasn’t into him, he claims he was doing all the work with texting even though there was only a few messages since they exchanged numbers after their second date
Billy Joel
Recently sober, Ali said she felt like they had several inside jokes before they met in person, ate pizza on her way to their first date, second date was getting coffee and going to the museum, they cooked dinner together for their third date at Ali’s apartment and they watched 90 Day Fiancé (he didn’t like it), he Googled how to clean a red wine stain when it spilled on her countertop, he asked if she wanted to have sex and she turned it down, the next day/the day before a 7am flight Ali booty called him and they had sex, she was drunk and said the sex wasn’t good/they stopped mid way, helped Ali pack for her flight, Ali said he’s at a crossroad and he doesn’t seem like a long term fit, Erica found a condom on the ground while cat sitting, Ali said she didn’t regret hooking up with him but wishes she hadn’t done it, MOO
Sales Cycle
30 seconds in and Ali said he was very boring, only really talked about his job, stared at Ali’s boobs, “might be a MOO”, texted her ‘merry christmas’

2024

Pie Guy/Dr. Laundry
Matched on The League, 34 years old, requested a nickname change from Pie Guy to Dr. Laundry, he had to cancel their second date because he got hit by a car, went on two dates, Ali sent him a pic of his subway stop saying something along the lines of “the stop isn’t looking as cute today” and turns out someone he dated with in that photo, were supposed to go on a third date the night she got back from a bachelorette party but he didn't answer her text when she said she landed, the next day he asked her how her trip was not acknowledging her previous text at all, Ali expressed her disappointment and he replied that he was tired last night, she said she would've been understanding if he said something then ghosted her
Andddd I stopped listening to the podcast around the Dr. Pie Laundry Guy but have stayed up to date with everything via this sub.
I have a huge interest in dating culture, human behavior and data similar to Ali and this little project of mine was really interesting once I got the framework of this list. I started this list once I found this sub in December 2023 and started re listening to the Patreon while working out (and lost 10 lbs ayeee) and writing down information in my notes app. I did my best to keep this list unbiased and just give facts and information that was said.
My own thoughts after making this list is that I'm very sad for Ali. I didn't realize the extent of her dating history. I think about my own dating history or even my friends who are in their 30's and dating and Ali's dating lore runs so deep. Is Ali unlucky with love? Did she pass on someone that could have been great for her? How has she had so many dates with little success in a long term partner or even going beyond 6-8 dates? Or is Skyline the person she has been waiting for? What's the pattern with all this dates/men? So many questions.
I truly do hope Ali finds her guy because I believe theres someone for everyone. Until then, I'll be hopping into this sub (cause y'all are too funny and give the best advice) and waiting for Ali to find Mr. Height.
Enjoy and I look forward to everyone thoughts! I'll keep my eye out for any edits that need to be made.
Bonus quotes:
“Longest relationship was a little under a year and a half. Haven’t made it past 6 months with anyone else” - AUA #7 11/27/21
“I spent the first 10+ years of my dating life being sort of perennially single” -1. The Actual First One episode 2/21/21
"I think my parent's story is the reason why I think that I can romantically get back together with an ex and it'll work out" -The Dave Glaser Podcast 4/5/21
“Almost every relationship I’ve ever been in, with a couple of exceptions, started as a situationship.” -21. The Undefined One 7/11/21
“All of my boyfriends have been white” -Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“You definitely need an older guy” -Cindy on Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“I’ve been on the dating apps since high school. Dating websites at the time” -Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“Who would be the perfect man for Ali?”
“Clearly a combination of the The Dentist and [the early stages of] The Buffalo” -Cindy on Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“Do you consider The Rower or Disco ball to have been situationships?”
“No, I don't consider either The Rower or The Disco Ball to be situationships” -question asked on TikTok 11/9/22

So this is an insane story that I've put a post on LegalAdviceUK to try get some advice from the legal eagles but that didn't really cover the full story. But having an informal chat in a comments section of this page about it and posting the legal ins and outs yesterday has given me some strength. And if I need to I will have the tub of cookie dough ice cream to comfort my big fat butt. So here we go a story which I've been trying to do for months without feeling nothing but shame and humiliation for allowing this parasite into my life enough to impact it like this.
So some backstory on my life in January 2023 I was working for Uber Eats as a delivery driver and had a Motorcycle accident. As a result I broke my foot, lost my insurance as Uber did everything they could to make sure it was invalidated to avoid responsibility for me. As a result I became jobless and homeless within a matter of days as I was already behind due to high insurance costs and low pay. I spent the next 9 months couch surfing and jumping from job to job until I finally settled working for a convenience store chain and leaving the city of Portsmouth for the town of Gosport across the way. I was settled with a roommate in October and I was doing well again.
During this I'd won a seat for myself into a semi major Poker tournament that I cashed in during August. I made £1300 for a weekend. In enters Mr S the person who will be the focus of this piece. He needed me to help him out with opening up some betting accounts for some online sports betting. He sweetened the deal by saying that he would invest in me to make my dream company come true, making a film business. He would invest £5000 into me to get me started which is all I needed because my plan was to work from home and get film clients and work up to an office. I too would invest £5000 over time. You see Mr S was a successful businessman in the community, a former sports personality and everyone loves this guy. Couldn't find someone to curse his name in a thousand miles I'm pretty sure. I had known him through my times as a poker player for nearly 12 years myself and I couldn't say I knew a bad thing about him. So I opened the accounts thinking nothing of it, then he asked to borrow money off me which I thought nothing of at the time as he said that he had it in cash and could pay me back in the morning as it was in cash not the bank apparently. He regularly did have this issue apparently because he worked in a cash heavy business (buying precious metals) and he was a regular at casinos. So I gave him the money. He paid me back some of it then made me wait another week to get the rest after I was calling him regularly to make him respond. This would be a recurring theme throughout the story.
After this issue was resolved I made a thought to push for the money to secure the investment. Mr S got the call and stated that we needed a business meeting in his office. So I asked to set up the business meeting which he regularly called to reschedule. After two months of this I got fed up of him brushing me off whilst he's borrowing my entire salary to gamble on and off when he ran out of his own money. So I changed the passwords on all the gambling sites to force him to take a meeting and pay me back the most recent amount he borrowed. I was naturally pissed off that this multi-millionaire was so reckless with his money that he was borrowing off of me and was constantly late paying me back. He paid me back and set up a meeting. He didn't make the meeting but assured me he was going to transfer me £3000 without one. He did not claiming his accounts were frozen by the government (I know I should have ran like a Gazelle from a Hyena at this point). Well I excused this behaviour because he reassured me everything would get sorted. This accounts frozen issue also became a recurring theme throughout the story too.
For a while Mr S didn't borrow any money off of me, he just used his own money (or some other poor sods), I kept asking him to invest into the business as I had opened a business account and I was investing my own money and borrowing money via a credit card. In total I put in £5000 whilst working a minimum wage job and using small amounts I'd earned through a bit of penny stock trading and poker, trying to get the money together. I worked 50-60 hours a week to pay for Christmas and invest in the business because of the fact that I didn't want to waste time. I set up business meetings, got business cards, bought equipment and got my friend who I will simply call Angel to work with me to put together a team. My friend Alf and a guy we found on LinkedIn I'll simply call J became our first team. We also found a lovely Graphics Artists online who I'll call Ally. Everyone was on freelance for now as we needed to get clients but we assembled the team. Mr S kept missing business meetings with clients that I set up for him to secure including three major ones that might have cost me a potential 6 figure contract that I spent two months setting up. Making County Football (Soccer for you Yanks) games on a Patreon page and YouTube for live streams. This mega pissed me off and Mr S reassured me he would get the contract back or getting a bigger one. I entrusted him with this task but as far as I can tell he never did anything for it.
On the night of his youngest child being born, whilst his wife was giving birth he spent his time playing online poker or sports betting, I know this because I had the transaction record and he even borrowed money off of me. He took a week to pay me £500 and I almost lost my brand new housing because of this. Thank goodness for my new friend and housemate being understanding of the situation and after this I put my foot down and said no more borrowing from me and if he asked again I would cut him off. I also insisted again that he should invest into the business. He made his excuses of the bank being frozen again and I told him to get his shit sorted out and invest because I'm getting annoyed waiting on him. I wanted to make an advert and without his money I couldn't do this.
So it comes January 2024 I lost my job with the convenience store after I stopped a shoplifter who'd assaulted me when I turned a corner. And by stop I mean used my big boy voice and scared the crap out of them. Don't know why they fired me for that but what do I care it freed me up and paid me £2000 to go away. I got a new job whilst also securing my first client. The client paid the first half of the money which they owed for the filming to be done and Mr S knowing this asked me to lend it to him for the purpose of gambling which I flatly shut down because it was staff wages for the project. When I told him this he said "I'm sure I'll have it back in time and if not they won't mind because they'll get experience." Yep you read that right he was willing to let the staff work for free so he could bet on horses. I told him that I would never put myself or him above my team when it comes to pay because we have no right to ask anyone to work for nothing when they are all multi talented individuals.
Angel was a video editor, animator, photographer, camera operator and lighting expert. She holds a Masters degree in film technology.
J was a camera operator who had worked on major TV documentary sets and was already taking a pay cut to work on this as an investment in the companies future. He held a BA degree.
Alf is a sound operator and musician with a masters degree in music.
Yep this guy wanted to not pay these guys so he could gamble recklessly. I semi caved though by giving him my personal money because he would repeatedly call me three times an hour over this. This was his tactic, begging and harassing me so he can get the money and then when I want the money back ignore and excuse the debt for a week. He regularly said he'd have it back in a day and it would take a week. He gave me £200 extra on top of this debt and said to put it into the business account to help pay for an advert. I did it and yeah that apparently was all I was going to need to make and distribute an advert in his mind. In reality it would barely cover the graphics and music for the advert.
Finally my old debts were catching up with me in March 2024 and I got myself an IVA (Individual Voluntary Arrangement) to protect myself and the company as a debt management option. This is because of the fact that old bills, credit cards and loans that I'd taken out were catching up with me that I expected to pay off by now. Which I might have done, had Mr S not been screwing around with the investment. In this process I had to shut down all the gambling sites to comply with the IVA. I called Mr S and informed him to which he promptly told me he was no longer going to invest in my business if I won't let him gamble and risk my IVA. According to him he was going to invest when he won £10000 and was going to give me half of the money as his investment forgetting he'd already won that and then some 2 weeks prior and I knew it. I called him out on this fact and told him to pony up or bugger off because he'd wasted 8 months of mine and my teams lives promising his investment and failing on every level. He exploded on me telling me no one talks to him like this, how dare I describe him as a con artist and a fraud. He demanded his £200 back which I flat out refused as I didn't have it. I spent it paying the Angel the money I owed her because she did extra work on the editing that I failed to secure the money for from either Mr S or the Client. She offered to work for less but I flat out refused that offer because it was my mistake and my problem to deal with.
Over the next 6 weeks now I've been harassed every few days over £200 to be paid back which I'm now refusing to pay because screw him. He lied to me for 8 months and as far as I'm concerned he stole money out of the company and then wants me to pay him more money to buy him out and disregard the team members so he can get his money when he's a multimillionaire and the team are like me on minimum wage and freelancing. So AITA for calling him a thief and con artist whilst refusing to pay him a penny so I can prioritise fixing the damage he had caused? If he'd had invested in the business the way he said he would and it was a normal falling out I probably would pay him out as the business would have been more likely on solid ground with an advert made and a chance for the business to thrive. But this was my lot. I've since been told I'm a worthless person because I won't pay him back and take his calls. I'm a terrible friend for letting such a small issue like me trying to sort out my life at the expense of Mr S's gambling life.
As it stands I haven't paid Mr S back, I still owe a small amount to Angel but am paying her back and I've taken a new job at my local Maccies to insure I do. I'm still looking for more clients to do film work with to get my team into the swing of it. Hopefully we do get more work as I have a wonderful team and I want them to get work with me and make a very successful future for us all. I'm looking into getting a start up business grant from the UK government as well so we can go forward properly as well.
So AITA for cutting Mr S out of the business, trusting him at all and risking so much on his word or for not paying him back the £200?
Click here if you are interested in seeing our first clients advert. I apologise to the great Lady Charlotte Dobre for plugging my work on her channel but I would love to have people view my teams wonderful work and hopefully get more work for the future here in Hampshire UK. Please DM me for details to hire us too we intend to make music videos, business adverts and commissioned films.
For all you reading/listening this short novel I thank you and I wish you well. I hope I get more business soon and I want everyone to know that we will be posting up Patreon work soon covering Entitled People and Neckbeard Stories from Reddit along with Documentaries that we might be making with Sky TV, English Heritage and also a planned comedy show in the style of a budget John Oliver Last Week Tonight. Again sorry for plugging myself Lady Charlotte Dobre and I send you love and respect because your videos make my days feel better when depression is biting my ass.
PS - That Ice Cream Tub didn't survive.

I don't need any Sony Buff passes or Universal Rewards.
●**Movies Anywhere**●
•**(Bundles)**•
•**Alfred Hitchcock Classics Collection Volume 1 (4k) (4 Movie) (One Code)**
1: The Birds (4K)
2: Psycho (4K)
3: Rear Window (4K)
4: Vertigo (4K)
•**Best of the 2000's 10 Film Collection (4K/HD) (One Code)**
1: A.I.: Artificial Intelligence (HD) (10-Film)
2: Best in Show (HD) (10-Film)
3: The Departed (4K) (10-Film)
4: A History of Violence (HD) (10-Film)
5: The Hangover (4K) (10-Film)
6: I Am Legend (4K) (10-Film)
7: Letters From Iwo Jima (HD) (10-Film)
8: Mystic River (HD) (10-Film)
9: Ocean's Eleven (HD) (10-Film)
10: Pan's Labyrinth (4K) (10-Film)
•**Halloween Trilogy (4k) (One Code)**
1: Halloween (2018) (4K)
3: Halloween Ends (4K)
2: Halloween Kills (4K)
•**High On Your Watch List 8-Film Collection (HD) (MA) (One Code)**
1: Due Date (HD) (8-Film)
2: Friday (HD) (8-Film)
3: Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle (HD) (MA) (8-Film)
4: House Party (HD) (MA) (8-Film)
5: Inherent Vice (HD) (MA) (8-Film)
6: Project X (HD) (MA) (8-Film)
7: Tenacious D in the Pick of Destiny (HD) (MA) (8-Film)
8: We're the Millers (HD) (MA) (8-Film)
•**Men in Black Trilogy (4k) (One Code)**
1: Men in Black (4K)
2: Men in Black 2 (4K)
3: Men In Black 3 (4K)
•**Meryl Streep 8-film Collection (4K/HD) (MA) (One Code)**
1: Death Becomes Her (HD) (8-Film)
2: It's Complicated (HD) (8-Film)
3: Mama Mia!: The Movie (4K) (8-Film)
4: Mama Mia!: Here We Go Again (4K) (8-Film)
5: One True thing (HD) (8-Film)
6: Out of Africa (HD) (8-Film)
7: Prime (HD) (8-Film)
8: The River Wild (HD) (8-Film)
•**(4K)**•
1917 (4K)
2 Guns (4K)
Abominable (4K)
**The Abyss (4K)**
Aliens (4K)
Ambulance (4K)
American Gangster (Extended Edition) (4k)
Annie (4K)
Ant-Man and the Wasp Quantumania (4K)
As Good As It Gets (4K)
**Avatar: The Way of Water (4k)**
**Avatar: The Way of Water (Collector's Edition) (4k)**
Avengers (4K)
Backdraft (4k)
Battleship (4K)
The Batman (4k)
Big Hero 6 (4K) (MA Split)
The Big Lebowski (4K)
Black Hawk Down (Theatrical & Extended) (4K)
Black Panther Wakanda Forever (4k) (MA Split)
Black Widow (4k) (MA Split)
**Bloodshot (4K)**
**The Blues Brothers (4K) (Theatrical & Unrated)**
Bullet Train (4k)
Cinderella (4K) (MA Split)
A Christmas Story (4k)
Cliffhanger (4k)
Concussion (4K)
Cruella (4K)
The Dark Crystal (4k)
District 9 (4K)
Do the Right Thing (4K)
**Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (4K)**
Doom (4K)
Dr. Strangelove (4k)
Encanto (4K)
Enter the Dragon (4k)
Eternals (4K)
Evil Dead Rise (4k)
The Exorcist (4k) (Theatrical & Extended)
**The Exorcist: Believer (4K)**
**The Fabelmans (4k)**
The Fast and the Furious (4k)
**Fast X (4k)**
Field of Dreams (4k)
The Forever Purge (4K)
Free Guy (4k)
From Here to Eternity (4k)
Fury (4k)
Get Out (4K)
Glass (4K)
Godzilla (1998) (4K)
**Gran Turismo (4K)**
**Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (4K)**
**Guess Who's Coming to Dinner (4K)**
The Guns of Navarone (4k)
Heat (4k)
Heavy Metal (4K)
Hellboy (2004) (4k)
Hellboy 2: The Golden Army (4K)
**His Girl Friday (4K)**
Hobbs and Shaw (4k)
Hocus Pocus 4k (MA Split)
Invisible Man (4k)
It Happened One Night 4k
Jaws (4k)
Jaws 2 (4k)
Jumanji (1995) (4k)
Jurassic World Dominion (4K)
Jurrasic World Fallen Kingdom (4K)
Kick Ass 2 (4k)
King Kong (2005) (Theatrical) (4k)
**Kramer Vs Kramer (4K)**
Last Actio Hero (4K)
The Last Picture Show (4K)
Lawrence of Arabia (4k)
The Lion King (Animated) (4K)
The Lion King (Live Action) (4k)
**The Little Mermaid (2023) (4k)**
The Lost Boys (4k)
The Martian (Extended Edition) (4k)
Moon (4K)
Morbius (4K)
Mulan (2020) (4K)
National Lampoon's Animal House (4k)
National Lampoon's Vacation (4k)
Oblivion (4k)
Oliver (4k)
Once Upon a Time in Hollywood (4k)
Onward (4K) (MA Split)
**Oppenheimer (4k)**
Parasite (4k)
**Paprika (4K)**
Poltergeist (4k)
Predator (4k)
The Prestige (4k) (MA Split)
The Prince of Egypt (4k)
**Punch Drunk Love (4K)**
**The Raid Redemption (4K)**
Rebel Without a Cause (4k)
**Rudy (4k)**
Sense and Sensibility (4k)
Schindler's List (4k)
Shang Chi (4K)
To Sir With Love (4k)
**Sleepless in Seattle (4K)**
Smokey and the Bandit (4k)
Snow White (4K) (MA Split)
Soul (4k) (MA Split)
Spartacus (4k )
Speed (4K)
**Spider-Man Across the Spider-Verse 4k**
Spies in Disguise (4K) (MA) (Split)
**Super Mario Bros. (4k)**
**Starman (4K)**
**Tár (4k)**
Training Day (4k)
Unbreakable (4K) (MA Split)
Venom (4K)
**Violent Night (4K)**
West Side Story (4K) (MA Split)
Whiplash (4K)
Zero Dark Thirty (4K)
Zombieland (4k)
•**(HD)**•
Ant-Man & The Wasp (HD MA) (Split) (MA)
Avengers: Age of Ultron (HD) (MA Split)
Beauty and the Beast (HD MA) (MA) (Split)
Black Panther (HD MA) (Split) (MA)
Black Phone (HD) (MA)
Brother Bear (HD) (MA)
Brother Bear 2 (HD) (MA)
Captain America: Civil War (4k iTunes) (Split) (MA)
Captain America: The First Avenger (HD MA) (Split)
Captain America: Winter Soldier (4k iTunes) (Split) (MA)
Despicable Me 2 (HD) (MA Split)
A Dog's Purpose (HD) (MA Split)
The Fast and the Furious 6 (Extended Edition) (HD) (MA Split)
The Gunman (HD) (MA Split)
Hercules (Disney) (HD) (MA Split)
Hocus Pocus (HD) (MA) (Split)
Home (2015) (HD) (MA)
How to Train Your Dragon 2 (HD) (MA Split)
The Huntsman: Winter's War (HD) (MA Split)
Jarhead 2 (Unrated) (HD) (MA Split)
Jurrasic Park HD MA (Split)
Jurrasic Park: The Lost World HD MA (Split)
Jurrasic Park 3 HD MA Split)
Jurrasic Park 3 HD MA
Jurrasic World HD MA (Split)
Les Misérables (HD) (MA Split)
Megan Leavey (HD) (MA Split)
The Menu (HD) (MA)
My All American (HD) (MA Split)
The Nightmare Before Christmas (HD MA) (Split)
The Nut Job (HD) (MA Split)
Oz the Great and Powerful (HD) (MA Split)
Pitch Perfect (HD)
Pitch Perfect 2 (HD)
Point Break (HD)
**Rio (HD)**
Rise of the Guardians (HD) (MA Split)
Sleeping Beauty (HD MA) (MA) (Split)
Snow White (HD MA) (MA) (Split)
Snow White & the Huntsman HD (MA Split)
Straight Outta Compton (Theatrical) HD (MA Split)
Straight Outta Compton (Unrated) HD (MA Split)
Sword in the Stone 60th Anniversary Edition HD (MA Split)
Thor Love & Thunder HD (MA Split)
Upgrade (HD)
When the Game Stands Tall HD
Willow (HD) (MA Split)
●**Google Play Disney Splits**●
•**(HD)**•
**101 Dalmatians 2 (HD GP)**
Ant-Man & The Wasp (HD GP)
**Atlantis: Milo's Return (HD GP)**
**Atlantis: The Lost Empire (HD GP)**
**Avatar: The Way of Water (HD GP)**
Avengers: Age of Ultron (HD GP)
Avengers: Endgame (HD GP)
**Bambi (HD GP)**
**Banshees of Inisherin (HD GP)**
Beauty & the Beast (HD GP)
**Bedknobs and Broomsticks (HD GP)**
Big Hero 6 (HD GP)
Black Panther (HD GP)
Black Panther Wakanda Forever (HD GP)
Black Widow (HD GP)
Brave (HD GP)
**Bridge of spies (HD GP)**
Captain Marvel (HD GP)
Captain America: Civil War (HD GP)
Captain America: Winter Soldier (HD GP)
Captain America: The First Avenger (HD GP)
Cinderella (Animated) (HD GP)
Coco (HD GP)
Disneynature Monkey Kingdom (HD GP)
Doctor Strange (HD GP)
Doctor Strange: Multiverse of Madness (HD GP)
**Dumbo (Animated) (HD GP)**
**The Emperor's New Groove (HD GP)**
Finding Dory (HD GP)
Finding Nemo (HD GP)
**The Fox and the Hound (HD GP)**
The French Dispatch (HD GP)
Frozen (Sing-Along Edition) (HD GP)
Hocus Pocus (HD GP)
**The Hunchback of Notre Dame (HD GP)**
**The Hunchback of Notre Dame 2 (HD GP)**
Iron Man 3 (HD GP)
**The Jungle Book (Animated) (HD GP)**
**The Jungle Book 2 (HD GP)**
Kings Man (HD GP)
**Kronk's New Groove (HD GP)**
The Last Duel (HD GP)
Lightyear (HD GP)
The Lion King (Animated) (HD GP)
The Lion King (Live Action) (HD GP)
**The Little Mermaid 3 (HD GP)**
Luca (HD GP)
Maleficent (HD GP)
Maleficent: Mistress of Evil (HD GP)
**McFarland U.S.A (HD GP)**
**Mickey's Christmas Carol (HD GP)**
Million Dollar Arm (HD GP)
Moana (HD GP)
Monsters Inc (HD GP)
Mulan (2020) (HD GP)
Muppets Most Wanted (HD GP)
Nightmare Alley (HD GP)
The Nightmare Before Christmas (HD GP)
Onward (HD GP)
**Oz the Great and Powerful (HD GP)**
**Peter Pan HD (GP)**
**Pete's Dragon (Live Action) (HD GP)**
Pixar Short Films Volume 3 (HD GP)
**Pocahontas (HD GP)**
The Prestige (HD GP)
**Ratatouille (HD GP)**
Raya and the Last Dragon (HD GP)
Robin Hood (HD GP)
Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (HD GP)
The Santa Clause (HD GP)
Sleeping Beauty (HD GP)
Snow White (HD GP)
Soul (HD GP)
Spies in Disguise (HD GP)
Star Wars: A New Hope (HD GP)
Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back (HD GP)
Star Wars: The Last Jedi (HD GP)
Star Wars: The Phantom Menace (HD GP)
Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (HD GP)
Sword in the Stone 60th Anniversary Edition (HD GP)
Thor Love & Thunder (HD GP)
Thor Ragnarok (HD GP)
**Tomorrowland (HD GP)**
Unbreakable (HD GP)
West Side Story (HD GP)
A Wrinkle In Time (HD GP)
Zootopia (HD GP)
●**iTunes**●
•**(4K)**•
Allied (4k) (iTunes Split)
Annihilation (4K) (iTunes Split)
Avengers: Endgame (4k iTunes) (Split) (MA)
Captain Marvel (4k iTunes) (Split) (MA)
Daddy's Home (4K) (iTunes Split)
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (4k iTunes) (MA)
Despicable Me 2 (4k iTunes) (Split) (MA)
Despicable Me 3 (4K iTunes) (Split) (MA)
Doctor Strange (4k iTunes) (Split) (MA)
Everest (4k iTunes) (Split) (MA)
The Fast & the Furious 6 (Extended Edition) (4k iTunes) (Split) (MA)
Finding Dory (4k iTunes) (split) (MA)
Forest Gump (4K) (iTunes Split)
Gemini Man (4K) (iTunes Split)
Ghost in the Shell (Live Action) (4k iTunes Split)
Heat (4k iTunes) (MA)
How to Train Your Dragon 2 (4k iTunes) (Split) (MA)
Iron Man 3 (4K iTunes Split) (MA)
Joy (4k iTunes) (MA)
Jurrasic Park (4k iTunes) (Split) (MA)
Jurrasic Park: The Lost World (4k iTunes) (Split) (MA)
Jurrasic World (4k iTunes) (Split) (MA)
The Kingsman Secret Service (4k iTunes) (MA)
La La Land (4k) (iTunes) (Split)
Les Misérables (4K iTunes) (Split) (MA)
Lone Survivor (4k iTunes) (Split) (MA)
Maleficent (4k iTunes) (Split) (MA)
Maleficent: Mistress of Evil (4K iTunes) (Split) (MA)
Moana (4K iTunes) (Split) (MA)
No Time To Die (4k)
Rocketman (4K) (iTunes Split)
Sicario (4K) (iTunes) (Split)
Sleeping Beauty (4k iTunes) (Split) (MA)
Thor Ragnarok (4k iTunes) (Split) (MA)
War for the Planet of the Apes (4K iTunes) (MA)
Warcraft (4k iTunes) (Split) (MA)
Why Him (4k iTunes) (MA)
•**(HD)**•
All Eyes On Me (HD) (iTunes Split)
An Inconvenient Sequal: Truth to Power (HD) (iTunes Split)
The Big Short (HD iTunes) (Split)
Cheech and Chong: Up in Smoke (HD) (iTunes Split)
Den of Thieves (HD) (iTunes Split)
Good Kill (HD) (iTunes Split)
The Guilt Trip (HD) (iTunes Split)
I, Frankenstein (HD) (iTunes Split)
Megan Leavey (HD) (iTunes Split) (MA)
Nebraska (HD) (iTunes Split)
The Nut Job (HD) (iTunes Split) (MA)
Rise of the Guardians (HD) (iTunes Split) (MA)
Top Five (HD) (Itunes Split)
●**Vudu**●
•**(4K)**•
Annihilation (4K) (Vudu Split)
Apocalypse Now (Triple Feature) (4k) (Vudu)
Creed 3 (4k) (Vudu Only)
Daddy's Home (4K) (Vudu Split)
**Early Man (4k) (Vudu)**
Ender's Game (4k) (Vudu)
**Everything Everywhere All at Once (4K)** (Vudu)
Forest Gump (4K) (Vudu Split)
Gemini Man (4K) (Vudu Split)
Ghost in the Shell (2017) (4K) (Vudu Split)
Highlander (4k) (Vudu)
La La Land (4k) (Vudu Split)
The Man Who Fell to Earth 4K (Vudu)
The Mist 4k (Vudu)
Ran 4k (Vudu)
Rocketman (4K) (Vudu Split)
**The Secret Garden 4K (Vudu)**
Sicario 4K (Vudu Split)
Source Code 4k (Vudu)
**Ugly Dolls 4k** (Vudu)
•**(HD)**•
The Big Short (HD) (Vudu Split)
●**Lionsgate**●
•**(4K)**•
Apocalypse Now (Triple Feature) 4k (Vudu)
Belly 4k (Vudu)
The Cabin in the Woods 4k (Vudu, iTunes, Google Play)
**Early Man 4k (Vudu)**
Ender's Game 4k (Vudu)
**Everything Everywhere All at Once (4K)** (Vudu)
Expendables (4K) (Vudu, iTunes, Google Play)
Expendables 2 (4K) (Vudu, iTunes, Google Play)
Fall 4k (Vudu, iTunes)
Hacksaw Ridge 4K (Vudu, iTunes, Google Play)
Highlander 4k (Vudu)
The Hitman's Bodygaurd 4k (Vudu, iTunes, Google Play)
The Hitman's Wife's Bodygaurd 4k (Vudu, iTunes, Google Play)
Jigsaw 4k (Vudu, iTunes, Google Play)
**John Wick Chapter 4 4k** (Vudu, iTunes)
La La Land 4k (Vudu, iTunes) (Split)
The Man Who Fell to Earth 4K (Vudu)
The Mist 4k (Vudu)
**Plane 4k** (Vudu, iTunes)
Ran 4k (Vudu)
Requiem for a Dream (4K) ( Vudu, iTunes)
Reservoir Dogs (4K) (Vudu, iTunes)
**The Secret Garden 4K (Vudu)**
**Sisu 4K** (Vudu, iTunes)
Source Code 4k (Vudu)
Total Recall 4k (1990) (Vudu, iTunes)
**Ugly Dolls 4k** (Vudu)
•**(HD)**•
Blue Steel (HD) (Vudu)
Dementia 13 (Director's Cut) (HD Vudu or Google Play) (4k iTunes)
Dream a Little Dream HD (Vudu or Google Play)
Extreme Prejudice HD (Vudu or Google Play)
I Still Believe (HD Vudu) or (4k iTunes)
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I (M22) recently graduated from college. I’ve spent the last few weeks living back with my parents while I figure out career stuff. They’ve been kind enough to let me live here rent free for at least the next few months. It’s been an admittedly difficult transition. I’ve caught myself being moody, snapping at them like a teenager.
The problem comes from the house itself. It’s completely falling apart.
It’s a big two-story that they would never have been able to afford if it hadn’t been sold “as is”. And “is” is filled with rot and pests, and it seems like nothing is being done about it. I knew it was a little dirty when I grew up, but I don’t think I realized how bad it was until I moved back. There’s a lot wrong, but I’ll condense.
We have mice. They refuse to get an exterminator because they’re worried about our two small dogs getting sick. We’ve resorted to dozens of small traps, but the mice have learned to avoid them. They’ve gotten into every room at this point. I’ve found mouse droppings IN THE STOVE.
The house, and especially the bathrooms, are filled with mold. Every time I visited for Christmas or summer, I’d bring it up, clean it while I was there, and when I came back it would be right back to where it was. The shower grout is absolutely coated in black. I had to beg my mother to buy a new shower curtain liner - the old one was knee high stained in mold spots.
My final straw was when I was cleaning out my bedroom closet. A box full of some of my stuff had been chewed through and destroyed by the mice. It had some things that were sentimental AND a few things that were monetarily valuable that I’d bought with my own money. They’d made a nest out of it. The box and surrounding floor were covered in mouse droppings.
I stopped myself from storming to my parents but as soon as I saw them later that day, I started yelling and crying. I don’t remember the exact specifics, but I’d sum it up as such:
“The mold and mouse situation is absolutely fucking absurd.”
Dad: “You are always so judgemental, you always have something to say when you visit”
“Maybe I’d have less to say if you took care of it.”
Dad: “You’re one to talk. You’re not exactly Mr. Clean”
“I’m 22. I’m not the one who bought a house I couldn’t take care of. My shit was destroyed”
Dad: “It’s really not that big of a deal. We’re taking care of it”
“You should fucking pull it together for once. If you think this is "taking care of it". Fucking insane!”
There was some more yelling. I slammed a door like a child. I haven’t really talked to them in the past few days. I was talking to my brother earlier and he mentioned I was “kind of a dick”, and I’m conflicted. It’s not my house but it’s just been concerning me. I’m worried about my and my parents' health.
So, Am I The Asshole?
TLDR: Got into fight with parent over mold and mice in our house, yelled, and I told them to “fucking pull it together for once”

Me F(22) and my ex husband (23) were married when we were married at (19) and (20). We got married so young. He was in the military and he was during basic training. I believe that we had the best relationship before the army. We were both heavily in love with each other. But then the army happened and got married. My parents never really liked the ideas of getting married and we did it anyways without them knowing. It created a hard time for us. He was stationed in the Texas. Hundreds of miles away from where we lived. We did long distance until I got out of our lease and moved with him. I was constantly told by my parents that he is using me for the bah money, or not to feel lonely. I never did I feel that way until we got divorced but I don’t know what to feel about that anymore. I’ll explain more after I add more information to our story. He got into a car accident and the car totaled so he need a new car. Which added to debts and with the debts came the problems. We had so many debts and the army pressure never helped us. I worked for a few months but i quit my job cause it wasn’t good for my mental health. I can attribute some of the blame. I could have continued to work and paid off our debts but i couldn’t. I went into a heavy depression state that I didn’t realize I was in. I did do things around the house like cook dinner (not all the time cause I didn’t have any motivation to do it so we order DoorDash), I used to do laundry in the bathtub because he was so busy and tired to go to laundry may, I constantly picked up and cleaned the house. I could have done more. I know I’m partially to blame for a lot of things. I had trust issues but those added to our problems. One day I was gone for a month, I went to spend time at a youth group trip with his mom and then I went to see my parents after that. When I got to Texas his best friend told me that he was trying to sleep with another woman while I was gone. Which killed me. I asked him when he got home and he told me that he was trying to but he didn’t do anything with her and was trying to seem like it cause his friend was pushing it on him. I forgave him and push past it. I fucked up too. I did something that i regretted and still regret till this day. I loved him and I still do. I don’t think I will ever stop loving him. We were had our fights like always. It was always about money and how I wasn’t valuing him and he wasn’t valuing me. I think the only time that we didn’t fight was the last month we had before he deployed. We were so happy. We spent our time together watching movies, playing card games, playing video games, just being the same kids we were before we got married. I miss those days sometimes. I wish I could turn back time and do things differently. Now the hard part. The divorce. I never wanted to be divorced. He was/still is my person. The person who understands you to the core. The person that you can be yourself without shame or guilt. The person that your heart beats from no matter how much it hurts when they break it or damage it. The person that you picked in a room filled with people who you have loved in the past/future. He is that person. My ex deployed and was gone for six months. Three months into the deployment he stopped calling me, he stopped snapping me, he stopped talking to me. It felt like he shut down on me. I begged him to call me or anything. We went through a dark phase. Then he got back to the states and we were good for a while. He came to visit his mom for Christmas through new years. Our anniversary was the 30th of December. His mother lives 4 hours away from my parents house where I was staying while he was away. He didn’t bother to spend our anniversary together or even bother to say happy anniversary. Which killed me inside. On New Year’s Day I sent him a message that it seemed that he didn’t want me in his life anymore so I was setting him free. But on his way back to Texas he and I talked and we were going to make it work but 8 days later. He met a girl. He hide our marriage status, archived post that he made of me, and hid our pictures. Which made me think he did the same thing he did when I was away. I decided that I wasn’t going to stand for it so I asked him to file for divorce. He agreed. It was a little messy. I found pictures of him and this girl on a romantic date, he got dressed up in a suit, had a picture of her on his lap. So much which set me off and I became petty and tried to fuck him over with the army for it. This is where things get complicated. This week I had to go to separate our things because he had everything in a storage unit. When I got there we were polite to each other and we talked to each other. He explained to me that nothing happened with that girl. They went with a group but only made a reservation for two, she was awake for the picture of her hand on his lap, she was wearing the same clothes from that night in the morning cause she slept in them but she didn’t sleep at his apartment, and that she knew what was going on. Which I don’t know what to believe. I want to believe him and I kinda do believe him but I don’t know. I love him but everyone around me telling me to not believe him. I was a mess for months when things were going wrong between us. I didn’t want to lose him but I feel like I lost him. He said we can be friends. I want him in my life but I always want to be us again. I know in my heart that I can never really move on from him. I always want him in my life but I don’t know what to do or what to believe. My parents hate him because they believe he is a liar and will constantly hurt me but they say a tons of things that weren’t true. I just want an unbiased opinion from people who don’t know the shit I said while I was mad or sad. There’s a lot that happened this week with him but it’s been long story already I can explain more in the comments

Ok, so, I used to live in a different (southern) state during my childhood than the one I live in now (I live in the Northern US, originally born in this northern state as well). I lived in this other state from the ages of 6 until I was almost 16, and throughout the entirety of my elementary and middle school years up until the middle of 9th grade (which was at the high school, some start at 10th grade instead of 9th).
There were 2 main bullies that I dealt with starting in 1st grade/first school year after moving to this state, and as the years went on, these two girls (let's call them Marie & Clarisse) would get their friends in on bullying me. I wasn't popular by any means, but my mother always had me in sports and extracurricular activities with these girls, so I could never really escape them. It was just as bad outside of anything school related as Marie has two younger brothers that my brother was friends with, so I had to pretend to be the 'best of friends' with Marie from 1st grade up until about the end of 7th grade since our families drifted apart from being "close friends".
As far as typical bullying goes in elementary school, I dealt with constant name-calling and cruel "pranks", mostly aimed towards my weight, I wasn't fat, but I wasn't skinny either despite being in sports and was always active. However, those incidents extended to my stuff being stolen, like my notebooks I'd use for schoolwork, or my box of pencils/pens/etc., forcing me to constantly borrow from the few friends I actually had or from the teachers. I used to be in band (which started in 6th grade in that school district), and I played the clarinet, my stepdad had bought me a very nice/sturdy and somewhat expensive tote bag to put my clarinet, music stand, and music binders in for easier storage and to keep my hands free when transporting my 'equipment'. Us band kids were allowed to keep our instruments behind the curtains of the stage in the school's cafeteria (the stage was against the farthest wall from the kitchen/lunch lines), and out of the ~20 kids in band, only my expensive/sturdy tote bag was stolen within the last 2 days of 6th grade, of course suspects were Marie & Clarisse (I saw Clarisse using my tote bag that summer, as my now-smudged name had been written in permanent marker on the straps and one of the sides of the bag). I left it be because I didn't want any conflict, my stepdad bought me another one after finding out the original one was stolen in the first place.
Middle school wasn't much better as the name calling got extensively more graphic and consisted of slurs (like the F slur, as I'm proudly part of the LGBTQ+ community, specifically AgendeNon-binary), furthering the self-hurting thoughts that had started in 3rd grade. I had continuously tried to tell my mom and stepdad about it, only for my pleas for help to go unheard until one week during the winter season in 7th grade. I had gotten sick for 2 days and stayed home an extra day to recover, but during those three days, Marie, Clarisse and their friends had made an Instagram account, posting very unattractive pictures of fellow classmates (i.e. purposely taking pictures with very unflattering angles, poor lighting, etc) and blamed it on me since they put my address in the private information into that account. My mom had found the account, immediately asking about if I was the one behind it, she unfortunately didn't believe me until *after* she ripped my phone from me to look through it for "evidence" that I made the account. When I returned to school the following Thursday after recovering from the small cold, I was constantly bombarded by fellow students about the account since Marie & Clarisse were the ones that spread the obvious false rumor that I made it. By the end of the day, I had finally snapped, yelling "I didn't make that f-cking account. Why can't everyone just stop bothering me about it?" Of course, that earned plenty of attention from the teachers and students within earshot (and thanks to the tiled floors and walls, my yelling echoed throughout most of the first floor and partly into the second floor of my school), I ended up having to talk with the counselor about the whole ordeal because of my frustrated outburst, which resulted with very little help from the staff, but after a few weeks, people seemed to forget that the account even existed since it ended up deleted within a few days after my outburst.
That following school year, 8th grade, was even worse. Sure, the slurs, the other name-calling and thievery of my belongings continued (more so the slurs/name-calling), but by this year, I was almost constantly committing the self-hurting since my mother was of no help, my stepdad was sympathetic but always working and the therapist my mother found for me was basically a deadbeat with bullying situations (she didn't seem to understand or even want to actually help me with the bullying as she was more of a family therapist than anything else). For the district curriculum, we are required to take health class in 8th grade, and as we were going over the unit that encompassed depression, self-harm, and su!c!dal thoughts/actions, I constantly had to have another staff member in the back of the classroom to watch over me and take me out of the class if any of the course material triggered an episode. Thankfully the staff member was that was there for me was the school's police officer, let's call him Officer Lennox, he was like a protective older brother, especially after finding out about how consistently I was bullied. Near the end of the unit, we had to watch Ronan's Escape (it's on YouTube), and since I was going through my own version of Ronan's situation, I ended up breaking down sobbing in class, only to be laughed at by some of the boys that were close friends with Marie & Clarisse. Officer Lennox snapped at them as professionally as possible while helping me out of the classroom to go sit with the nurse to have some downtime to stop sobbing before I was allowed back to my classes.
Another situation, which is the worst of it in 8th grade, was this one girl, let's call her Ava. She thought it would be hilarious to eavesdrop into my conversations with my best friend (we'll refer to her as Raven since that was a nickname she used) throughout lunch and shared classes, only to take our conversations completely out of context in order to string up a lie that Raven and I were planning to unalive the principle. Of course, this wasn't true, the principle was an a-hole to everyone, and Raven & I would discuss that we greatly disliked him. Ava mostly got away with spreading this lie as her mom was a higher-up in the school district, forcing Raven and I to entirely change our class schedules so we weren't in any classes with Ava, as well as almost being expelled. Thanks to Officer Lennox sticking up for both of us, we only had to have in-school suspension for 3 days instead of being expelled. Sadly, Ava got very little repercussions from this, but Raven and I grew even closer as best friends after "The Incident" as we still refer to it as almost 10 years later.
Summer rolled through without a hitch, leading to 9th grade, the start of high school. I was given more freedom from my mother (she's a helicopter parent and abusive/narcissistic) to dress in clothing that I preferred in comparison to always wearing brightly colored athletic wear. I completely changed my appearance, chopped my hair from just above the small of my back to a punk pixie-styled cut, and started wearing graphic t-shirts, ripped jeans, combat boots, and leather jackets. On top of that, I started becoming more confrontational/combative towards my bullies, since they still wouldn't let up, I earned a "bad@ass/bad b!tch" reputation, made friends with other rebellious and misfit types of people in the grades above me, and just fully became more of "me" despite the disapproval from my mother of the amount of change I undergone.
Despite being 14 at the start of 9th grade, I began dating, specifically one fellow student that was a very close friend and felon, he went to jail/juvie throughout the 2nd half of 7th grade and all of 8th grade. He came to the high school 3 months after the year started, and our friendship-turned-relationship sparked right back up as if he never left. I had kept my dating life secret from my family, mostly my mother because I know how bad her reaction would've been if I told her. With him almost always by my side (excluding classes we didn't share), my brand-new appearance, and my quickly attained delinquent/rebellious reputation, most of my issues dissipated much quicker than before. In spite of that, Marie & Clarisse kept making their remarks, trying to drag down my new confidence and constantly break my felon boyfriend (let's call him Collin) and I up. They got more degrading and verbally abusive with these antics, I eventually was completely fed up with it all. In the middle of the school year, within a couple weeks after Yule (Christmas for the non-pagans) & New Years Break, Marie, Clarisse and their group of friends had stopped me in the hallway, purposely surrounding me (there was about 30 of them in total) on my way to class, continuing with their shtick as usual, I slipped the pocketknife out of my pocket, flicking it open as I finally gave in and threatened to unalive them and everyone they care for if they don't leave me the f-ck alone. They saw the opened knife and knew then & there that I was 100% serious, I turned on my heels, shoving through them only to notice the principal and school's police officer (not officer Lennox) staring at me with concerned expressions, they also noticed the knife as there was a glint from the blade due to the blindly bright lights in the hallway. Not a word was uttered as they walked away, never sending a call to my mother or stepdad about the weapon or the confrontation as they had seen my progression in attitude and the amount of f-cks I had (which was none). After that day, those girls never spoke to me again, would barely glance in my direction, would purposely take alternate routes to class if they saw me in the hallway (or would keep to the wall if they couldn't move quick enough), and if we shared any classes, they'd be on the opposite side of the room from me and would do everything they could to never be partnered/grouped with me in class projects.
Everything was smooth sailing from then on, and now I'm 22 (as of late April this year), happily living with my bio-dad, my brother and my 2-year-old kitty, Ziggy. My mother is out of the picture entirely as she refuses to change her mindset and parenting style. I'm still confrontational towards anyone that tries messing with me, especially if they're anti-LGBTQ+/racist/abusive/etc. And thanks to my continuation of my drastic change from 8th grade to 9th grade, I'm now considered both the protector and the therapist to my friends, always there for them because I grew up knowing what it was like to not have that kind of support. I hope this story of roughly half my life can provide some sort of comfort or proof that it does indeed get better, even if it doesn't seem like it in the moment.

Scott Masterson had first met Scarlett at a rooftop party in downtown Dallas. Their age and the time of year were both in late springtime, them in their mid twenties and the date in early May. He had on a sharp yet breezy blazer and she astonished in a thigh length sleeveless blue dress.
“Oh hey Scott I don’t believe you two have met…” his then happily married friend had remarked with a slow swinging open hand toward her.
“Scott Masterson…reluctant friend to this knucklehead” he said with a tight lipped grin, trying not to be so obvious with his instant rapture.
“Scarlett…a pleasure…”
Her hand was so delicate to Scott’s touch. They locked eyes. It was like looking back through centuries of connection, endless days of laying in the sun next to the Seine River, or rising to Hollywood fame in the 1940’s and only having each other who would understand the glory and the pain of it all, or generations of quiet, simple country love that would bear such beautiful, happy children that would go on to raise beautiful, happy children, all with their dark blue eyes. Yes, the memories of every love story since the beginning of time was swirling right there in Scarlett’s irises. Scott had to catch himself before he stared embarrassingly too long.
“Sorry Scottie here doesn’t get out often” his friend quipped, which Scott appreciated actually, it helped him snap back to professionalism.
“Well I don’t either…at least I prefer not to.” Scarlett’s words flowed through the air like a flock of rose petals.
“Hey, kindred spirits.” Scott was really sensing a rising energy out of her, they had barely broken eye contact.
“Well, I’ll let you two have at it, I got a wife around here somewhere. Hey…Scott and Scarlett…not bad, not bad.” His friend exited stage right with a sly chuckle.
“Nice guy…so…what are you drinking, Scarlett?” Scott looked around for the emptiest corner of the rooftop bar, hoping to find a nice place for them to be able to hear each other. This night had just become something.
“That depends, Scott…what do you like?”
Oh man.
Well, as you can expect, the evening blossomed into a beautiful, long winded conversation that etched a long list of similarities between the two. They both lived in the city, had never married, and had dreamed of stable, simpler lives far away from tall buildings and busy streets. The next morning Scott awoke in her arms, which warmed much deeper than just his skin. He could feel her soothing his very identity, his future, everything. Her arms were tailor made to fit his very soul, and he had never felt more safe and at home.
“Mmm…you can stay right here…” she whispered, eyes still closed.
“I will…I will”
They both fell back asleep, into a dream that wouldn’t end upon waking.
Two years passed and suddenly they lived that simple backwoods life, way out where acres of land far out-populated the few and far between people. They took a lovely home, which happily looked over a long backyard, right up to a lively yet mostly undisturbed river. Their only neighbor within a mile was an older ranch worker named Charles, who rarely made himself perceivable. Days were spent way on into town where they both had offices. They didn’t mind the commute. Nights were spent mostly like this night, cuddled outside near a lovely little fire, with a slowly shrinking amount of wine sitting between them. Enjoying their Kingdom. Tonight, however, would prove to be a special night, for many reasons, all unexpected.
“Honey, I’ve been thinking…” Scott began, sitting up and opening his hands to the warmth of the fire.
“Oh?” Scarlett also sat up, eyes widening.
“So look, Scarlett, the last two years have been the best of my life. An absolute dream…”
She held her breath, her focus darting between his eyes and mouth.
“Yeah?”
“We have everything we ever want out here. But…what if there’s more?”
“More?” She had envisioned this very conversation hundreds of times.
“Our dreams have come true, but what if we…made some new dreams?” Scott turned and embedded his eyes into hers. He burst into a big smile.
“Scott…I thought…”
“Nevermind what I said” he cut her off, which he always made a point to never do, but this was a good exception.
“I’m ready, Scarlett…let’s have a family.”
“Ohhhh Scott, oh Scott”
They hugged tight enough to where it hurt.
“Well, in that case, we may need to open another bottle.” She said playfully, bouncing her eyebrows twice.
“Excellent. I’ll be right up. I’ll put this fire out and then start yours up.”
“Oh stop!” She bounded away girlishly, up the snowy back steps and into the house.
Scott let out a big sigh that he could see in the cold air and sat back in his chair, taking in his decision. He really was ready. He had secretly been keeping a long list of names that he liked and that he thought would work in front of Masterson. Especially little girl names. He stared into the campfire flames, getting lost imagining the three of them sitting right here, a little girl resting securely in Scarlett’s arms, as Scott had found himself, and stayed within these past two years.
Suddenly his trance was broken when, from the road in front of their house, came the sound of a vehicle approaching at high speed. Scott snapped his head back toward the house to get a better listen. He could see, around the house and through the trees, a large truck barreling down the country road, its headlights racing and bouncing with intensity. In an instant, it had passed up the road and out of sight.
“Huh?”
Soon, after a moment of silence, another sound echoed into the night. This sound rattled Scott to the bone and tore all that was right in his world into pieces. A sharp, bellowing squeal. His eyes shot over to his neighbors house, which was about a tenth of a mile to his right but still had a couple dim lights on that he could see. The shriek seemed to come from there.
Then, more squeals. It was hellish. More than animal but not quite human. Scott stood up. He heard crashing and tearing and further destruction coming from Charles’ house.
“Scarlett!! Scarlett!” He yelled toward his house, where he looked and could see her silhouette behind the curtains at the kitchen window. She didn’t seem to hear him.
He turned back toward his neighbors. The chaos had gone quiet. Not a half a moment after, though, he heard something big barreling through the trees as fast as that truck had been sprinting. Running, running furiously between the two houses. Searching, hunting. Scott was taken aback so hard that his heel had caught the edge of the fire pit, throwing him down only inches away from severe burns. He had knocked his head in the whiplash, making him groan and take a moment to regain his bearings.
“SCARLETT!!!!”
He screamed out toward his home as he sat up, rubbing a quickly rising bump on the back of his head. He heard a loud breaching on the side of his house. The patio door. No. No. Then, all hell broke loose. Scarlett started wailing and crying and he could hear crashes of plates and glasses and deep guttural roars coming from the kitchen inside. Shadows danced in a frenzy from the curtained windows. Sounds of instinctual survival seemed to be thrown from Scarlett inside. Sounds of defeat. Sounds of agony. Sounds of insanity. Scott sprang to his feet, his equilibrium being more damaged than he realized after his fall. He had to catch his hand on a chair to stabilize himself. Scarlett’s symphony of pain had gone quiet. Soon after something burst back out the patio door again and off in the same direction as that truck before.
Scott struggled back up to the house, slowly climbing the wintered, crunching stairs that led to the patio. He no longer yelled for Scarlett. In fact, the only thing that came to his senses was the sound of his own heavy breathing. Everything else had been turned off, save for a heavy and sudden dread that he had prayed he would never feel. He came to the side of his house where indeed the patio door had been busted and forced open. It laid inside the kitchen, its hinges snapped like toothpicks. Scott, with eyes wide and twitching, slowly entered his home and looked into the kitchen.
He didn’t scream. He didn’t even change his breathing. He didn’t blink. He just got a good long look at what laid before him.
Everything was broken. The fridge was on its side, the door hanging open and food and drink scattered all over the floor. The table was upended, its legs to the ceiling. A chair was resting on the counter, possibly having been thrown in defense. And Scarlett. Oh Scarlett. She…was…everywhere. She was all over the floor. She was sprayed against the walls. She was stuck to the window. She was in the sink.
Scott gently walked through the carnal mess and sabotage of his world. Long ago he had known exactly what he would do if something anywhere near this bad were to happen to him. He politely stumbled through the kitchen, down the hall, and into the bedroom. He opened his closet door and lowered a fire safe from the top rack. He unlocked it with a passcode. 511, after that warm May date when he had first met Scarlett. In the safe was a Sig Sauer P320 handgun. Scott took it out, along with a box of bullets, loaded one into the gun, put the safe back on its rack, and walked out of the closet, sitting on his bed. Their bed. Where they should’ve been laying right at this very moment, working toward a happy future. Where he would’ve kissed her forehead and put a hand on her growing midsection. Where they would have awoken on Christmas morning to the sound of children who were way too excited to remain asleep. Where they would’ve grown old. Where they would’ve smiled at each other through wrinkles, satisfied with all the love they shared and passed on to the next generations. Where they would’ve held each other in deep peace as they finally fell asleep to this world.
“I will…I will”
In one quick motion Scott pulled back the hammer and stuck the barrel of that pistol right up against his Governor and blew himself away, far away, right back into Scarlett’s loving arms.
Jeremy “Smallmouth” Bassett quickly yet stealthily made his way back to his Uncle’s house. He hugged the sides of the dark country road, keeping his eyes and ears wide open as to notice any sounds pertaining to the event that he had just witnessed there in the field next to the huge blaze. His only thought was Uncle Chuck. His house was right on the warpath of that horrible thing and Smallmouth had to go to him and make sure he was safe. He dared not go back to his truck, which would bring a lot of unwanted attention. No, Smallmouth walked and walked and finally saw the lights of his Uncle’s house. He carefully approached the front door from the shadowed driveway. Suddenly it occurred to Smallmouth that something was very wrong here. The door was busted in, having been plowed through by something very large and very strong.
“No…no…no”
Smallmouth slowly entered the house. The kitchen and living room were a disaster, chairs and tables and bottles strewn about and shattered. Bloody hoof-prints covered the floors, each of them the size of dinner plates. Smallmouth heard no noise. He felt himself well with tears, his nose a faucet that he began to sniff up as he worked his way through to his Uncle’s room, the door there also being broken in. A small whine growing in his throat, Smallmouth peaked into his uncles bedroom.
It was all in tatters. The bed had been attacked and shredded, the mattress being ripped up and thrown about as if it were made of cotton candy. More bloody hoof-prints were painted all over the brown carpet. Smallmouth trembled and put a hand up to his wet face. He didn’t see a way that his Uncle was anywhere near alive, knowing what he knew about the monster that had been in this house.
Smallmouth slowly walked to the living room, to the only little table that had been untouched in the attack. It was almost as if the bottle of whiskey teleported into his hand from the overturned cabinet, unopened. He fixed that real quick.
Soon he was several pulls deep of the only thing in the world that he knew would make him feel better, even if only for a few hours. He found his pack of cigarettes in his coat pocket and lit one up, although he was indoors. What did it matter? He sat in a chair that he had turned right side up and set the bottle on the table and looked out the back window into the pitch black. He cried for his Uncle and he cried for the world. He cried for himself. He cried for broken promises and his own weakness. He drank and drank until his vision shook from right to left everywhere he looked. At first he didn’t even notice the figures on the back porch. Then his vibrating focus did pick up on them, but by then it was too late. It was so dark out there but in their outlines he could see they wore long robes and hoods.
“HA!! COME AND GET ME! HAHA!! YOU COME AND YOU GET ME!!” Smallmouth boasted with a delusional amount of courage.
A creak escaped from the kitchen and he drunkenly slung his head over toward it. Three more figures stood there. Or was it just one? Smallmouth was none the wiser. All at once the hooded intruders from both inside and outside began to chant a strange, twisted rhyme in strikingly low and dissonant harmony:
“A sliver…of liver…goes down…with a shiver… …and gives…your gullet…to gall… …but drink…the Cider…that drowns…the Spider… …and you…will be free…of it all… …so tighten the grip…that loosens your lips… …O raise…the bottle…of brown… …and wake tomorrow…to find…in sorrow… …ANOTHER…SPIDER…TO…DROWN”
Smallmouth groaned at them in dissatisfaction and turned his bottle up again and began to chug the whiskey. As he did they repeated the chant except this time it was louder and closer. By the time Smallmouth had finished his bottle he was quickly losing consciousness. This wasn’t just whiskey. As he closed his eyes he felt hands grabbing him from all sides.
Smallmouth pulled open his sticky eyelids. His head felt like someone had bowled a strike into it. Wind froze his face. The smell of sickly, wet iron stung his nostrils. His vantage was higher than usual. Way higher. He was looking out into another field, but from easily ten feet up. He saw an old church, formerly painted white but now a flaky pale-beige. He heard the friction of a quick pull of rope below him, matched with a slight, tight pain at his feet. He looked down. A red-robed figure was fastening him against a wooden structure of some kind. His feet sat on a small flat platform perpendicular to a post that went from the ground up past smallmouths head. He couldn’t move his arms, so he quickly shot his eyes side to side. They were also tied to another horizontal post. A cross. He was being tied to a crude wooden cross. His shirt had been removed, exposing a hairy, overweight belly. Smallmouth tried to speak, but all that came out was a slow, unintelligible grumble. He was still drunk. No, this was more than that. He was under the influence of something strong and absolutely inhibitive. He wallowed again, and took in a deep breath. The smell of iron once again hit his nose. He looked down at himself. He was covered in a thick, red liquid. That wasn’t just the smell of iron. He had been splashed full body with blood.
“Now now, young servant…” the figure at his feet had finished his task and took a couple of steps out to admire his own handiwork.
“Ahh…perfect. The picture of martyrdom. Yes, you will always be remembered, Brother Bassett. You are to be the first Saint of The New Bible.” He opened his arms in his declaration.
Smallmouth looked up into the cold night sky. The moon shown down, giving everything a midnight spotlight. It was a gorgeous waxing gibbous, big and bright but not quite full. Yes, he was in a great big snowy field that housed an old worn down church. From the windows of the church he saw candles glowing, showing dark heads and shoulders looking out to him, also covered in loose hoods, hiding faces. He was hanging on a cross about one hundred feet from the old church. In front of the cross was a partially covered pit, a couple of two by fours supporting double armfuls of branches and dead leaves.
The figure at the base of the cross put his arms back to his side. He was still looking right at the drugged Smallmouth’s dumbstruck face. Even with a veiled mouth you could hear the twisted smile in his voice.
“Tonight you will help us finally defeat this legion, Smallmouth. You see, it may have the evil spirits within it, but at its core, it is still an owned animal. An animal that knows its Master very well. An animal that will remember the smell of its Master. You, my friend, are covered in its Master right now. And you are hanging on a cross, the symbol of this brute’s most hated enemy. But take heart, young Brother. Before you is our pit of spears. Yes you will attract the beast, but our Divine plan will intercept it and the beast will fall and be pierced. And then, oh dear brother, you will forever be immortalized. You will be purified in fire by the hands of your church brethren. Out of your screams and into the smoke the iniquities of all will be released. We will go on to preach your good example and your sainthood forever and ever.”
Smallmouth began to drool and hum pathetically. He could hear and understand the words of the robed man but he couldn’t fight back. His body was useless, limp inside its rope confines. All he could do now is think, and watch, and wait, and dread his fate.
The figure turned away from him, walking over near the pit and gathering up a bundle of brambles and throwing them over the last open area, covering it completely. He then crunched through the snow over to the front door of the old church, groaning open the door. He stood at the dark doorway for a few seconds in silence, and then began to make a noise. An over exaggerated pig squealing noise, high pitched and infuriating. Soon after other voices from inside the church began to do the same, their wailing echoing out of the building and all across the field, loudly signaling, calling out. It may as well have been a dinner bell. Not a half minute after they began the distress signal it was loudly answered by a distant squall. A furious squall.
This was it. Either way it happened Smallmouth was about to die. Experience terror, and then die, and not even have the ability to put up any kind of defense. It wasn’t fair. He just slowly lifted up his head and watched out far into the moonlit, white field. He then raised his heavy head further and took a good gander at the moon and stars for the last time.
“God,” he thought to himself, still having full inner monologue yet no outer motor function, “I am so sorry. I am so sorry for being what I am. I am so sorry for ending up in this place. It’s only my own fault. If it wasn’t for me being so stupid and messy and drunk and terrible then this wouldnt be happening to me.”
He began to shed tears that washed lines into the blood on his face.
“Please forgive me God. Please, please, please forgive me for all of my sins. This is it. I’m gonna die. I’m gonna die. PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!!!” He yelled inside his own mind, hoping and trying to send his silent words as far up into heaven as they could go.
He lowered his eyes back to the ground. He looked over at the church again. The windows were empty, the candles were extinguished. Those hooded cowards were hiding from their own handmade sacrificial service. All was quiet for a long pause until a much louder, closer bleating began at the edge of the forest not even three hundred feet away from Smallmouth’s glazed over eyes. It was time, and it was too late for a miracle.
Out of the woods, slowly and heavily, stomped the massive hog. As it marched closer and closer Smallmouth could see its white, boiled over eyes and black-burnt skin. Its jaws were flying open and snapping its sharp, pocket knife-sized teeth together in an intimidating “clack”. It was now less than a hundred feet away, the dark old church to its right shoulder. It stopped, its pale glowing eyes fixed right on Smallmouth on the crude cross. It truly was a monster. It stood as tall as a man and as long as a canoe. Around its murderous mouth were stains of red, the remnants of all that it had taken from the world on this unholy night. In its clanging jaws were bits of flesh. It snorted and scowled.
Then, in a fury, it wailed that horrible squeal and started off into a dead sprint. It galloped and galloped toward Smallmouth at a high, blistering speed. It kept yawping and howling as it cut the distance from the cross down to fifty feet, forty feet, thirty, twenty. All at once it passed over the covered pit and plunged in. In his doomed, dead eyed stupor Smallmouth could hear what sounded like paint being dumped from a rooftop onto concrete. Trails of black liquid squirted and splashed up from the pit, which had been uncovered in the fall of the beast. Unbelieving, Smallmouth saw dozens of steel spear tips standing up from the dug-in ground. Right in the middle of them the beast was stuck. The sheer weight of the animal had caused the spears to pierce through its tough skin, sticking out of its back, soaked in black blood. One spear had stabbed right under the hogs chin, passing up through its jaws and out its black snout. It made agonized sounds. It roared and roared and shook the spears inside it, beginning furiously, then growing weaker and weaker within seconds. Finally, it let out one last weak little squeal, before it went still and quiet.
Smallmouth was frozen both physically by drugs and constraints and mentally by shock. His mouth hung open toward the pit of spears, his vision blurry. He took in a deep, troubled breath and let out a moan of disbelief and relief. The old church doors sprang open, and the sound of jubilation within flowed out into the night. The red robed figures flocked out of the building toward the pit, arms raised in celebration. They surrounded the hole, getting a good look at their success and their enemies defeat. Some held additional spears and began further stabbing the dead animal, causing more black blood to be shed up at them. They all yelled loudly and triumphantly. Some danced around the pit. Some skipped over to Smallmouth on the cross and danced around him, slapping his legs and spinning in circles.
Smallmouth looked on at the raucous celebration, both in utter disbelief of their trap actually working and also in turmoil. How long now until they fully execute their plan.
A taller robed man, whose voice matched the same one who spoke to Smallmouth as he tied his feet, spoke up, sounding almost happily intoxicated.
“Ahh yes my Brothers!! It is done!! We have won!!!”
They all whooped and cheered.
“Brother Norman, go into the church and bring me the small tank of fuel. Let us send our dear Saint Bassett to the Holy lands, where he will be adored for all eternity!”
They all clapped and hollered. One figure began childishly skipping away from the pit and over toward the front door of the church.
Then, it happened.
From the pit all of a sudden a great blaze erupted instantly. It stood as tall as the cross, and it burned a furious red and blue. It raged and raged, blinding Smallmouth and making him clumsily turn his face away from the heat.
All of the figures panicked, screaming and scattering away toward the church. They didn’t get far. Up from the fiery pit, dozens of long, long, black arms, adorned with six hooking claws emerged and stretched out of the flames and latched on to the legs of those trying to escape. Smallmouth heard crying and wailing from the men as the black, razor clawed-hands of the legion grabbed them and began pulling them back, into the blazes. One by one the red robed people were dragged into the flames, their clothes catching instantly. Smallmouth could see violently shaking bodies in the evil furnace. Oh, the screams. Above the tortured howling, the sound of laughing broke out. Deep, menacing laughter, hundreds of voices, echoed up into the air from the burning hole. Then, in one extinguishing squeeze, the ground swallowed the entirety of the fiery pit, leaving it completely covered in dirt, still and quiet. Soon after, and just like the pit of spears, the old church building caught in an instant and raging fire, quickly toppling the walls and dropping the steeple into its ruins. The smoke towered high in the night sky, which had just began to hint at a pale morning blue. Smallmouth hung on his cross in utter horror and surprise.
As the late evening hours glowed into early morning the smoke eventually tapered off, as Smallmouth’s drugs finally began to wear off as well. The fires of the church did garner long distance attention, though. Just as Smallmouth was able to regain control of his muscles and voice he heard emergency sirens call out into the cold morning air. Not long after, two fire trucks, an ambulance and a sheriffs truck tore into the field and toward Smallmouth on the cross. Not long after Smallmouth could feel the tied ropes being cut loose by firemen, their uniforms easily the best red clothes he had seen all night.
“What on God’s green Earth happened here son?” A bearded man with a dark hat and brown shirt and pants asked Smallmouth once he had been lowered down from the cross and sat on the ground with a shock blanket around his shoulders. The Sheriff, no doubt.
“God’s green Earth. It really is God’s, isn’t it?” Smallmouth whispered, staring out across the cold field. Then, at the very place he was staring, an old, familiar truck came barreling out of the gravel road in the woods and through the field in the steadily growing morning light. It was Uncle Chuck’s truck. It hurried over toward the other emergency vehicles, parked, the driver’s side door burst open, and Uncle Chuck came bounding out over to Smallmouth, his eyes wide and his mouth a wonderfully shocked “O”.
“JEREMY! JEREMY!!!” He basically fell on Smallmouth in a tight, warm hug. Smallmouth was caught off guard by Chuck using his real name.
His Uncle held him for several seconds and then let up, but kept his hands on Smallmouth’s shoulders.
“I thought you were dead.” Both of them said at almost the exact same time.
“I came back and your house was a mess and there was blood everywhere. I thought you were dead.” Smallmouth weakly spat out.
“Well, I woke up and you were gone, son, so I walked to the ranch to get my truck. I was worried bout ya son. I came back home and the whole place had been turned upside down. Blood on the carpet. I just thought the worst. Then I tried my neighbors house. Buddy, they’re dead. Looks like some wacko murder-suicide if I ever saw one. Scott probably tried to come kill us too and wrecked the place when he found it empty. I don’t know. But what I DO know is that you are right here! You are okay Jeremy!! Ahhh Praise Jesus!!”
“It’s not that, Uncle. That isn’t what happened out here. It’s..it was a..a, uh…”
Smallmouth’s fried brain couldn’t even comprehend what he had witnessed over the past few hours. It was all a violent blur.
“Dont worry bout it son, you can tell me everything on the way to the hospital. We gotta go get you checked out and cleaned up. C’mon.” He helped Smallmouth up and they walked over to the ambulance, his Uncle’s arm thrown around his shoulder.
Smallmouth would be sent home later that afternoon. It would take him and his Uncle a long time to sort through the chaos of that deadly night and rebuild their lives. But life kept on. Smallmouth would remain living with his Uncle, and would begin a job working with him down at the ranch. Together they started to attend a local church. Smallmouth never touched a drink or a drug or even a cigarette ever again, and remained steadfast in his newly revitalized faith.

Race information

* **What?** Leeds Marathon
* **When?** May 12th 2024
* **How far?** 42.2 km
* **Where?** Leeds, West Yorkshire
* **Website:** [https://www.runforall.com/events/marathon/leeds-marathon/\](https://www.runforall.com/events/marathon/leeds-marathon/)
* **Strava activity:** [https://www.strava.com/activities/11393068144\](https://www.strava.com/activities/11393068144)
* **Finish time:** 03:35:35

Goals

Goal Description Completed?
-------------------------------
A Sub 3:30 *No*
B Sub 3:45 *Yes*
C Finish Strong *Yes*

Training

I'm a 46M, running consistently for the past 7 years, 6 marathons before this one, PB of 03:17:46. Local to Leeds and missed the inaugural Leeds Marathon last year so thought I would give it a go. Heard it wasn't a PB course for multi-marathoners so I set a realistic set of goals. For a good cause too, sad story about Rob Burrow, but it hasn't stopped him making a difference.
My partner bought me a Garmin Forerunner 955 (first new running watch for 6 years) for Christmas so I thought I'd set the Leeds Marathon as a goal race and so how it went. I also had a couple of trail half marathons as supporting races, Harewood House Half (January) and Baildon Boundary Way (April). Both mudfests with lots of elevation. The training schedule set by the watch was curious to me. The max long run it set was about 27km which seemed a little short but I've done a few marathons so I wasn't too concerned. It also had me do a 31 day streak as well which I suppose isn't too much but the rest of the time was standard pattern. Day off, long run, threshold, sprints, base and the odd recovery mixed up in a week. Taper time was about 8 days which felt short to me but arrived at race fairly fresh I think. Mixed in a monthly sports massage too, as I'm not getting any younger.
The mileage was less than I would have expected (biggest week was 82km) but the quality of the workouts was good, especially the threshold sessions. Challenging but doable. Might try the Runna app or something next time, see how they compare.

Pre-race

Preparation went really well. My brother lives pretty close to the start, so stayed at his the night before. Yet more pasta, nice walk around Meanwood, Eurovision, in bed for 2200, asleep for 2230.
Got up at 0645 for a 0900 race start. Coffee, overnight oats, banana, go over the plan in my head. Ron Hill vest, lovely and light for a hot day, new balance racing shorts, Hoka Carbon X with 100km or so on them. Write fueling strategy on hand to make sure I remember it. Toilet stop last thing before I headed out of the door at 0815. Jog to the start line. Stretch, couple of strides. Too warm in my extra top already, didn't need that layer at all. Was in the blue start, easy enough to find, popped in there and listened to speeches. A few minutes later and we were off.

Race

Two main parts to the strategy:
* Take it easy for the first 5km, aim to finish strong.
* Make sure to get fuel on board for the big bad Chevin hill at 28 or so km.
For the first part of the strategy I split the run into sections
* First 5km - steady
* 6 to 20km - build up the pace, get some fuel onboard
* 21 to 28km - hold steady, more fueling for the hill
* 29 to 32km - Big hill, get it done.
* Last 10 or so km - The hill is done, finish strong, no dawdling, no long drawn out suffering.
Fueling wise, I was using the OTE Strawberry Carb Chews, delicious and easy on the stomach. Also I took on water at all drinks stations, it was hot (for Yorkshire anyway).
At the drinks stations for 9, 12 and 15 miles, I munched a bunch of chews so I could get the benefit when the big hill came along. I was a little nervous about the Chevin hill, but in hindsight I overdid it. It was fine and its not even that steep. It was that it was so late in the race.
So how did I actually do?
Steady start was good, I tucked in with the 3:45 pacers and hung there for 5km, kept me well in the easy pace. Although I did miss the first drinks station in all the excitement. Put it down to experience and moved on. Headingley was buzzing and felt good getting stuck into the next phase. Pushed the pace a bit to 04:55 per km for the next 15 or so km but didn't quite sustain that for the following 8km. I felt the heat a bit going through Pool and along into Otley. Otley was very lively though, massive roar when we were on our way through, which was a welcome boost before the Chevin Road.
Left Otley and pushed on up the Chevin Road. I felt fine, could have pushed harder really. Still 10km to go afterwards, wanted to finish strong too. Lots of people saying you're near the top now. Other runners and cyclists using the Chevin too, not often that road is free of cars. Over the brow of the hill I went with 10km to go. This is it, its getting warmer and warmer, so you either suffer slowly or suffer quickly. I decided to get my skates on and get the job done, mostly downhill too. Was getting through it at a decent lick when I caught up with the slower half marathon finishers at Golden Acre park. Lots of dodging ensued but I kept up the pace as best I could. The finish straight led into Headingley Stadium which was great but too narrow to reconcile my attempted sprint finish with the said slower half marathoners.
In term of goals, sub 3:30 would have been great, probably held back a little too much for the Chevin hill and suffered a little in the heat mid race. I wasn't too disappointed. No wall hitting, strong finish without endless suffering and a decent time for a challenging course. I'm pretty happy! Next marathon will be the Yorkshireman on September 8th.

Splits

Section Time
------------
10KM 0:51:26
20KM 1:41:09
HALF 1:46:31
30KM 2:32:57
40KM 3:24:26
42.2KM 3:35:35
*This post was generated using [the new race-reportr](https://coachview.github.io/race-report), powered by [coachview](https://www.coachview.io), for making organized, easy-to-read, and beautiful race reports.*

Part 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, & 3 sale are still available here- Part 8, Part 7 , Part 6 , Part 5 , Part 4 , Part 3
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1. Huyao Xiao Hongniang - Tushan Honghong - 1/7 - Wan Shui Yi Shan Ver.	Solarain		$200
2. Kenja no Deshi wo Nanoru Kenja - Mira - 1/7	Kadokawa	Includes Blu-ray	$130
3. Yosuga no Sora - Kasugano Sora - 1/7	Alphamax		$145
Unavailable Arknights - Texas - 1/7 - Elite 2	Good Smile Company		$230
5. Azur Lane - St. Louis - 1/7	Alter		$160
6. Isekai Maou to Shoukan Shoujo no Dorei Majutsu - Shera L. Greenwood - B-style - 1/4 - Bare Leg Bunny Ver.	FREEing		$200
7. Saenai Heroine no Sodatekata fine - Sawamura Spencer Eriri - 1/7 - Maid ver.	Revolve		$140
8. Azur Lane - Illustrious - 1/7 - Owaranai Ochakai ver.	Kotobukiya		$150
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18. Shining Blade - Xiao Mei - Shining Beach Heroines - 1/7 - Swimsuit Ver.	FREEing		$130
19. Girls' Frontline - UMP9 - 1/7	Funny Knights		$90
20. Girls' Frontline - Suomi KP/-31 - 1/7	Funny Knights	Brand New, Sealed. Box is damaged check for more photos *HERE. The figure is fine	$90
21. To LOVEru Darkness - Konjiki no Yami - B-style - 1/4 - Bare Leg Bunny Ver.	FREEing		$220
22. Toradora! - Aisaka Taiga - B-style - 1/4 - Bunny Ver.	FREEing		$190
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26. Ganbare, Douki-chan - Douki-chan	Union Creative International Ltd		$90
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29. A-Z: - [S] - 1/7	Myethos		$220
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35. Saenai Heroine no Sodatekata ♭ - Kasumigaoka Utaha - 1/7 - Swimsuit Ver.	Good Smile Company		$110
36. To LOVEru Darkness - Konjiki no Yami - White Trance ver.	Union Creative International Ltd	Preowned, Excellent condition. Displayed in dust free case, smoke free environment	$90
37. To LOVEru Darkness - Kotegawa Yui - 1/6 - Darkness ver.	Union Creative International Ltd		$120
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44. Fate/Grand Order - Ishtar - 1/7 - Archer	Aniplex	Preowned, Excellent condition. Displayed in dust free case, smoke free environment	$250
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60. Sword Art Online - Sinon - Shibuya Scramble Figure - 1/4 - Negligee Ver.	Alpha Satellite		$240
61. Sword Art Online: Alicization - Alice Zuberg - 1/7	Wanderer		$190
62. Arifureta Shokugyou de Sekai Saikyou - Shea Haulia - 1/7	Kotobukiya		$180
63. Sword & Wizards ~The Emperor of Sword & Seven Lady Knight~ - Felicia von Flamberg - 1/7 - Bunny Ver.	Kotobukiya		$120
64. [NSFW] - Sword & Wizards ~The Emperor of Sword & Seven Lady Knight~ - Yukishiro Fuyuka - 1/7 - Bunny Ver.	Amakuni		$150
65. No Game No Life - Shiro - 1/7	Kotobukiya	Preowned, Excellent condition. Displayed in dust free case, smoke free environment	$65
66. Re:Zero kara Hajimeru Isekai Seikatsu - Emilia - 1/7	Good Smile Company		$170
67. Girls' Frontline - K2 - 1/7 - Before the Dawn ver.	Apex Innovation	Brand New, Sealed. Box is damaged check for more photos *HERE. The figure is fine	$140
68. Tate no Yuusha no Nariagari - Filo - KDcolle - 1/7	Kadokawa		$90
69. Saenai Heroine no Sodatekata ♭ - Kato Megumi - 1/7 - Lingerie ver.	Alter		$100
70. Fate/kaleid liner PRISMA☆ILLYA 3rei!! - Illyasviel von Einzbern - 1/6 - China Dress Ver.	Phat Company		$120
71. Gekijouban Fate/stay night Heaven's Feel - Altria Pendragon - 1/7 - Saber, British Travelogue	Stronger		$120
72. Maoyuu Maou Yuusha - Maou - 1/8	Kotobukiya		$110
73. Bikini Warriors - Paladin - 1/7	Alphamax		$170
74. Fate/Grand Order - Scáthach - 1/7 - Lancer	Plum		$90
Unavailable Muv-Luv Alternative Total Eclipse - Takamura Yui - B-style - 1/4 - Bunny Ver.	FREEing		$450
76 Muse Dash - Rin - 1/8 - Bunny Girl Ver.	Apex Innovation	Brand New, Sealed. Box is damaged check for more photos *HERE. The figure is fine	$150
77. Dungeon Travelers 2 Ouritsu Toshokan to Mamono no Fuuin - Mefmera - 1/8	Alter		$130
Unavailable Yurucamp - Kagamihara Nadeshiko - 1/7	Phat Company		$120
79. [NSFW] - TSF Monogatari - Musashino Takumi - 1/6	Rocket Boy	Preowned, Excellent condition. Displayed in dust free case, smoke free environment	$380
80. Fate/Grand Order - Altria Pendragon - 1/7 - Santa Alter, Rider	Alter		$150
81. IS: Infinite Stratos - Charlotte Dunois - B-style - 1/4 - Bare Leg Bunny Ver.	FREEing		$190
Unavailable Overlord III - Albedo - so-bin ver.	Union Creative International Ltd		$130
83. Date A Live III - Tokisaki Kurumi - 1/7	Kadokawa	Includes DVD	$180
84. Date A Live - Tokisaki Kurumi - KDcolle - 1/7 - Bunny Ver.	KadoKawa		$150
85. Date A Live - Tokisaki Kurumi - 1/7 - Lingerie Ver.	Alphamax		$80
86. Diamond to Zirconia - Yuki Itoguchi - Skytube - 1/6	Alphamax	Preowned, Excellent condition. Displayed in dust free case, smoke free environment	$170
87. Dungeon ni Deai o Motomeru no wa Machigatteiru Darou ka - SoniComi (Super Sonico) - Sonico - 1/7 - Hestia ver.	Genco		$250
88. SSSS.Gridman - Takarada Rikka - 1/7	Alphamax		$110
89. Pocket Monsters - Huuro - Swanna - Pokémon Center Original Figure - 1/8	Kotobukiya		$220
90. Sword Art Online: Alicization - Alice Zuberg - 1/8	Genco	Preowned, Excellent condition. Displayed in dust free case, smoke free environment	$90
91. Date A Live - Kyouno Natsumi - 1/7 - DX Ver.	Bell Fine		$150
92. Tensei Shitara Slime Datta Ken - Rimuru Tempest - Shion - 1/6 - Swimsuit Gravure_style	Orca Toys		$180
93. Date A Live - Tokisaki Kurumi - 1/7 - Fantasia 30th Anniversary Ver.	Kadokawa	Preowned, Excellent condition. Displayed in dust free case, smoke free environment	$180
94. Fate/Grand Order - Altria Pendragon - 1/7 - Saber, (Alter), Casual ver.	Kotobukiya		$80
95. SoniComi (Super Sonico) - Sonico - White Cat Ver.	Union Creative International Ltd		$150
96. Re:Zero kara Hajimeru Isekai Seikatsu - Emilia - Puck - KDcolle - 1/7 - Birthday Cake Ver.	Kadokawa	Preowned, Excellent condition. Displayed in dust free case, smoke free environment	$110
HOLD Fate/Stay Night - Tohsaka Rin - 1/7 - Type-Moon Racing ver.	Stronger	Brand New, Sealed. Box is damaged check for more photos *HERE. The figure is fine	$170
98. Fate/Extella - Altria Pendragon - Nero Claudius - 1/7	Alphamax		$180
99. Yon Megami Online Cyber Dimension Neptune - Purple Heart - 1/7	Ascii Media Works	Preowned, Excellent condition. Displayed in dust free case, smoke free environment	$150
100. Seishun Buta Yarou wa Bunny Girl Senpai no Yume wo Minai - Sakurajima Mai - 1/7 - Water Gun Date Ver.	Chara-Ani		$100
101. Girls' Frontline - UMP9 - 1/7	Funny Knights		$90
102. Beatless - Lacia - 1/8 - 2018 Black Monolith Deployed Ver.	Good Smile Company		$130
103. Sword Art Online - Asuna - 1/8 - Knights of the Blood ver.	Good Smile Company		$110
104. Atelier Ryza ~Tokoyami no Joou to Himitsu no Kakurega~ - Reisalin Stout - 1/7	Wonderful Works		$140
105. Shin Jigen Game Neptune V II - Next Black - 1/7	Vertex		$320
106. Kantai Collection ~Kan Colle~ - Murakumo - Wonderful Hobby Selection - 1/8 - Kai Ni	Max Factory		$120
107. THE iDOLM@STER Million Live! Theater Days - Mochizuki Anna - 1/8 - Happy Merry Christmas Ver.	Good Smile Company		$80
108. Saenai Heroine no Sodatekata ♭ - Kato Megumi - 1/7	Max Factory		$150
109. Saenai Heroine no Sodatekata - Sawamura Spencer Eriri - 1/7	Good Smile Company		$110
110. [NSFW] - Saenai Heroine no Sodatekata ♭ - Kasumigaoka Utaha - 1/7 - Okigaechuu	Alphamax		$150
111. Kishuku Gakkou no Juliet - Juliet Persia - 1/7	kotobukiya		$140
112. A.I.Channel - Kizuna Ai - 1/7 - Hello, World, Blond Hair ver.	Stronger		$130
113. Teacher Teacher - Maeda Shiori	Union Creative International Ltd		$100
114. Kidou Sentai Iron Saga - Teresa - 1/7 - Bride	Animester		$160
115. Atelier Sophie ~Fushigi na Hon no Renkinjutsushi~ - Sophie Neuenmuller - 1/7	Alter		$150
116. [NSFW] - Original - Toraware no Elf	Eighteen		$150
Unavailable Darling in the FranXX - Zero Two - 1/7 - For My Darling](https://myfigurecollection.net/item/1064642)	Good Smile Company		$190
118. Senjou no Valkyria 4: Eastern Front - Riley Miller - 1/7 - Swimsuit Ver.	Bell Fine		$90
119. Seishun Buta Yarou wa Bunny Girl Senpai no Yume wo Minai - Sakurajima Mai - 1/7 - Bunny Girl ver.	Aniplex		$120

​

Admittedly I’m not very experienced, I got this for Christmas and have been enjoying it, but looking to take it to the next level. looking for lens suggestions, shooting in low light outdoors. Also feel free to suggest flash - I do have the Godox 685II.
I currently have one of the kit lens
Thank you! :)