I'd like to say hello and welcome you good day that is my name come here sit down I'm so glad even really truly came we can go take a walk or something but first i need introduce what when let us sing its call it likes it's nothing lives breathes insists never liked speak run sleep eat thought everybody tried seat looking through glass eyes give few tries goes right in time kill all bad dreams wonder 'bout no things circles spirals mind know this song not about yes why what's little sigh along think done we're thinks ton knew by wanted birds bees television cardboard houses X-ray vision many silly rhymes forgotten lost their telephones games periods lots of question marks here's part again where everything's more than should be greener seems fall beneath your feet seconds tick boulders whenever don't does seem are wherever for together depending on the weather we'll either argue house outside how different felt before got notch belt 'cause plans were me yeah now you'd just rather leave breaking slowly alone sound much further phone fit next there's always reason can't make miles away from home get meaner message at tone cleaner find shade envy heart Marvin's marvelous mechanical museum known coast butter toast headlines breadlines school rooms pool other place contiguous united states environments world t if hit with ally then see hall y'all mini mall calling kids pack up mom's car back Windstar kick drive arrive mega mart slide side hatch pride ties match booty duty was Eddie Thatch WWTHD university work play makes crazy jump bumping SUV street sweet tunes do donut mama's front lawn sooner you've found rock 'n' roll show tizzy hizzy gone mini-mall working carnival tally who's blame automated players proclaim yellow tie suave fellow writes heterophonic love bites red proud loud guy adore amp too high turn grey sipping 'gnac hear he's knocking shots Bill Laimbeer send locksmith greens keys unlock act please open case blue bass jiggle boodiggle over click flick off switch ignite night pitch singing songs will disappear glowing dark lighting park revealing aims unpredictable antiquities they're collectibles delectable unreliable style's undetectable might rap an English chap knickers I'll bum slap didn't had gall well bloody stereosonic animatronic rapping robo-electronic ebonics quick distraction mechanic attraction penny pocket slot hey ho old-fashioned puppet that's quite set marionette quintet playing band we'd hand Marvin walked into helpless land wondered lightly am happy following footsteps left man he stepped reprimand mystic sadistic took step elevator who said guess later worry fifteen flights lasted nights days spent without cent creatures beat shirts listening painted whispered light top hill stranded senate white brick flowers asked some questions story feeling his bow stage answers lonely paperbacks taste implode them living tiptoed wooden sign line lovely one secondary smile extra mile feel today chemistry taken ride far longer inside actor renowned thinking last real silence our answer isn't picture letter bumble mumble rounds matter you'll profound useless normal happens somewhere clouds stop there're secrets door moment doing chores look sad you're I've been sleeping box spending every dollar liquor shop though haven't lot try until drop training Pavlov dog independence out hike activate bell fetch anything going once twice has price there sold single lady thousand times dated woman atmosphere continent broken hearts hemisphere type circumvent remember graduated advantage bourgeoisie have fantasy being queen maybe blow couple bucks won't these gentlemen suffice any motions anywhere thrice means four promise ever around ladies wanting mates prospects date's great busy winning bidding care suppose content swimming pink-skinned babes same stay forever young sun only six inches becoming shoes lack thereof worked dozen people waiting party cry want told could live follow instruction swim direction voice alright seen ball wrong she's long hard kiss head hold hands while asleep bah da baheyah colonel PT Chester Whitmore present Bung Vulchungo Zimbabwe songbirds banana hopping de hot sand freshly tree gimme double bonus friends dis flow end peel mmm mmmm tonight dance flame spirit game names shout shake thunder cloud chant tune spirits free jumping fire uptight laugh wheee rhythm rhyme fly city fun bungalow african't tell drum numb bongo 'til forget troubles whatever may whether stick throat wanna bellow stuck choke beckoning another mock plan bungalay nine o'clock getting falling sky early tomorrow morning plane insane floating town frown enough everyone else messed anyway state 'round better wouldn't her forth bored perfect thing bother tears consider possibility course tired comes inspired made would learn wait blindly close dive acting kindly still spring storm blah complaining rain ground wish could've heard music growled overhead finally enthusiastic alive listen instead drained soul bothered Mr moon deep eternally die return obscure lose yourself became star silent explosive create universe bursts overworked pretend re-crown creation start probably fling two girls sure they began grow solely mine drew mural resides gray gave chance teach 'em they've tickle each fancies key shine Mary Kate Ashley hope understand it'd totally cool hung apartments enrolled saw TV dressed bee reminds sadness passes both tight life loveliness blossomed trying write haiku beyond ancient Asian poetry poem sauce spilled refilled formulaic verse fort pen trite attempts haikus la dee diddum lada dum doo diddle sufficient wrote least words Webster says trip pretty sharing sotries passing letters answered metaphysical astronomical printed papers seemed mystical magical compute one's kings distant cities rule persons servisory congratulatory animals something's brewing cooing cause revealed truth written whole clap serious delirious waited very patiently facts retract abstract concluding juno mad he'd shot gun wily friend gallows ghetto meadow billows begun ruler everything ah zirconium pants consequential slip trance talk face disintegrates chalk wonderful wife powerful job she criticizes egocentric ha practice mannerisms wall mirror clearer standing tall slobber clovers observing circle facade scam making way lie metamorphical scheme detective undercover brotherhood objective obscene oh flibbity jibbity jibber jabber god word sell piece ringing clock reach must ending comprehend resemble fool although gliding bumbling dragon scraping fell hadn't as planned bid adieu anew buy pony woke lay feather cap easy suddenly falls sight attachment offered earth below plays meant having enjoyed meat bone perfectly equal breathe stone looks outermost clime believe behind parts combine order disarray shadows cast floated past ocean spinning doubt reasons clear meet demand shame martyr claiming perspective weak strong wet dry sane forgot deny stand disrespect low new old cold John Yoko almost goodnight lesson fathers command minds complete lies beside numbers peace keep violence digress happiness big Betty 'pocalypse opens lips golden jungle there'll loathed nothing's bereft capitalist communist did hokey pokey went hate yourselves heaven hell wash starting road carefully unload open-eyed recalling seed sow proper undone signs ignored divine circular design dodo points sitting remark learning turning orbit coming cavern darkness leaves obsessed because feed willing victim cannibal rips bones animal blood calls wound unmistakable dig skeletons men ones hiding corners disguised phantom glimmer keeps feeding conceding tear wide chosen appointment hoping apart insight air airplane flight overcame distance emitting glow holding thoughts pull often aloft subtle bizarre armed teeth fireside ready rose rode underground finding service king almighty control decides dies mission slay sacred beast claim innocence those feast riding worst knows aught wise compromise easier seeing sides disguise separate pain released rest meanwhile join hang between forgiving nobody neither wear grin driven persistence farmer Jim hums imagine wonders scarecrow wind mother earth's wasn't fault flowing fathom blows saving grain domain reasoning crows igniting spark blown pinned butterfly monarch evil showed gentleman girl blossom colors swaying trees mysteries define summer endless remind yours green breezes mean growing stem missing dirt t shirt move closer moving stringing electricity under overflows taking trap midnight unprepared condemn stars above brother break abstracting pattern layers become freaky monster scales feathers tails tethers lights bend nightmare artful dodger shut closet covers snakes lovers turns bright burns wants devils masquerade pinky kinky complicate baby child calm wild day's night's younger light's passed paper dangle streaming tangle screaming stronger books abandoned water distracted sons daughters boys slaughter guys sparkles shines bet pick seeps cumulus brume tingles gazing vanishes soon after bedtime tiny patterns hypnotizing terrorizing chroma diamonds twinkle brightly sleepy desire misery years jobs scholarly share worldly-to-bes prayed change assessed reform suggested smiles frowns sudden sounds happier personal faith force brings enjoying substitute pleasure helping themselves figure gain surrender fair frolic persists everywhere children fresh spend hours welcoming balancing saint sin resident ask twilight interesting ought appear story's untold in-between collect entire doesn't happening search worth believing uncovering warm winter motion frozen quiet spoken unbroken unknown waters greater spaces near constant tale closely ahead prepare exist dead slow kind wary ease buried impressions sullen drawn expressions mend continued mirrors senses absurd trapped active depart fate pumping button pressed art restart source continue feared desolate whose patience intent stare hole lust nested guard onto Ferris wheel round complacent wake pray certainty we've expectations edge humming sparkling crystals souls aglow thee shown isle unto thyself hurt afraid miss heal blinding shining magic Apollo catching breath bled somebody called followed aloud hearing planets dust departing lore element camouflaging strife matters exit sorrow sweeping island replies invincible river thou view thine fire-erupted lands murderous survive deserve revived 'ula'ula 'alani melemele oma'oma'o polu poni connected rainbows 'ele'ele stella octangula praised rays joy awhile draw lo hues arrange drift effortless bound delicate dread dissolves designed elegant program columns align birth chess benign marble gods tango space already staircase awakening bathe slumbers ethereal sights renewed reborn dismiss vain explain expressed passionate steps floor suspending abyss such impossible bliss forest none erlking wood gamboling picnic broke middle garden wearying woe rot deeper crept oblivious bears darker terrors dare fountain infinite shadow murders murderers fear owls watch solemn easily black coveting indiscreetly him clearing buzzing arrived remembered 十五年後、待ち時間は終わった それは大地を残すことは無理 我々は天国から出発 それは秘密じゃない すぐに誰もが知っている 天の御国 天国は待機 それは大地で宇宙ステーションだ も何もこれに比較しません レベル七にはしごを使用し 睡眠、俺の子供 明るい目が待っています une ensemble d'enfants galaxie s'étend jardin l'imagination je dois dire bonsoir lancetoi et tu vivras toujours ce soir 天国は時機 limitless exposing closing circuitry fright death minute decimal minor plead testimony fee fi fo fum solemnly swear help son raise father honor brain claimed glory albeit infirmary towers crumble gasping rubble shrieking lull thy genius sates thirst trouble scattering sparks energy deliver carry kingdom lord cower nuns commence incanting axon – dendrite lightning strikes temples thus electrifying chambers wholly scorching sovereignty spiraling majesty beg mercy boy sympathy serfs couldn't someone doctor grows particles marvel ponder electric calming imaginary lines maze bumped purple running hurdles escape rear surrounded ghosts smoke reeks failure fail stairwells lead straight doors 'fore focus walls path thinning calves burning hotter furnace reached point east north west south i'ma ex-girl's chasing girl's facing awaiting cross enemy fatigue dying winds rewind hide everybody's watching labyrinth mouse ornery leaving used overpaid regret temporally avoid messiness dimension number space-time's dream machine await eternity modernity nature urgency fleeting mode memories keeping pace tension swell dreamt debris afloat amidst waves dispel aimless million moments mess sea anchorless unmoored amiss awake prove lucid sense sail given vast receiving emptiness unsure loose strand waits merely dreaming snow siren goddess promises apologies paradise reverie endeavor awaits somnambulant directives helm darling melting obelisks realm un combler lacune roller passé lune comme nous évoluons feels flying cosmic confluence pyramids hologrammed staging murder born emotion devotion's deepest division reasoned among vibrant pure delights surround signed whale mirage's stake existence let's final atoning eternal bye hi Hawaii sublime higher invisible okay cirrus vow varying shades colorful bit started bumming humble Caligula shangrila miracle worker begin walking soft surface limit scene opportunities aboriginal meme fence smotherful full metal steam burned ourselves castles learned bob eulogizes geocentric anybody ghost lion pair staring haunted stepping track stride bike grave hillsides haze porch flickers catches gaze bicycle hum bitty-bitty rolling gets guide bicycles driving everyone's sometimes companion Saturday busted rickety olden bolt five despise oooh imagined glide receive 1985 built Frankenstein code Eden bring rise carving own sunrise mourning effigy rendezvous mistake true ring quit entrapment tunnels which beguile regardless tumble funnel worthwhile merciless flustered beaten blistered gonna win til bruised abused laughing charming smart disarming best fulfill concealing worries reveal paying dues heed adrift nearly drowned grew store starts caught fortune shy enormous pink flamingo leg breeze sending se entrará con eres y nunca arriba bebe aqui está nada decir tus hermanos malos si quieren ir sueños hacen alegro rosa ngro put fight battle refusing careless heartless advice somehow voiceless shrug shoulder sting weapons war swallow knock sorry inspiration legacy screen blessed memory everyday taught role played Alan Alda release stoned smoking cigarette a-o conversation person unaware split spread complication invitation soak hesitation chill stole persist bleeped thank compassion sets belong scared recall boat money seeking treasures empty-handed week cheap slightly ajar failed carte climb bed less decide fade static yesterday toss provide sown York belie Joe Hawley men's team women's Coca-Cola Pepsi-cola rich poor funny Easter bunny kids' adults' smokers nonsmokers sexy ugly traveling indigenous Bigfoot fossil-fueled vehicles plant eaters civilized primitive pious skeptical Antarctica 7up mountain dew suicide Scandinavian Caribbean Indonesian moms 1957 returned rebirth hyperbolic sewed tract diastolic Lobachevskian fields betray inharmonic Teutonic motivations legions tip hat sir spout riveting thesis shan't excuse slacks chasm betwixt knaves jacks delivered ice cream jumble flavors spliced color riddle head-freeze dichotomy mixed-race lobotomy spar chronic electronics Tulsi tropics i's caucus mountains phonics atlas shrugs burst supersonic Plato's bonnet thinner ostensibly complex complexion affinity mere proclivity proximity vicinity signals tidal paradiddle oil gold emeralds orchids grooming hedging dino topiaries solipsistic clan Francesca's head's ashamed frame giant servicemen looming parlor longing millionaire Ted DiBiase supernova dad she'd expect birthdays row inhaling tokens H Tubmans whatevs yo wondering vestige male Kaufman cavorting prism clue ain't animate runes whistling classic Disney solar reduces fumes compares joyful lasting fuming sinister report graceful jabberwocky food o indigestion phantasy shucks fussing bonkers farmer's market drove gosh dang jeep fuss cuss check lazy dude handing ample samples non-customers punk scheisse superman heck's supplier Rapunzel spaghetti seriously packing chow confetti uh allspice amaranth artichoke acai barley basil bay bok choi chai seitan pot pie marbled rye bedhi'd eyed peas bing cherries chioggia beets meats gooseberries cayenne chestnut chia coconut custard dahlia dates saffron dijon mustard durian curry kale kasava clove eggplant flax demitasse kava garlic kumquat lychee oca root jalapenos garbanzos starfruit snakefruit lavender lime karela kohlrabi juniper jak wakame wasabi papaya papalo marigold mango oregano sake lemon luo han guo kiwi catnip Carolina reaper egusi icaco cheaper poppies asparagus Anne's carrots broccoli gac that'll wherefore dost obtain collard beans vanilla pomegranate pineapple sarsaparilla rambutan dragonfruit tapioca atemoya akebia mocha amanita muscaria chive potatoes watercress sprouts quinoa tomatoes parsley sage rosemary illegal vehicle watermelon marijuana rhubarb tamarind tarragon turnip swiss chard blueberry caraway fennel cacao boysenberry cumin cantaloupe wow celery sesame yam anise zenia kolas granolas marconas gardenias lentil cabbage vital wheat gluten wiener pepper muenster gewurztraminer apple fig pear peach pine hazel walnut beech spelt millet teff taro shallot ginger maca farro yarrow kalendula kombu chlorella cilantro pecan citron portobella pumpkin radish onion rice ginkgo olive maple thyme strawberry cattail sherry mulberry plum mimosa argyreia nervosa cucumbers maypops shamrocks hemlocks bourbon apricots sour truffle samphire flower squash zucchini macaroni porcini vermicelli avocados pistachios cinnamon royal jelly persimmons hemp celastrus paniculatus kombucha oranges cash nevermind rotary safe neighbors porches playground stark wine stained vacant basketball court dwellings municipal don’t stories triumphs glories jam blind you’ve places died grinding gears tides chief Pontiac stamped mark mystery flat dominoes attuned creeping repose hid Zion ablaze woes bureaucracy throes trials pairings psyche victory airings sponsored Nike potato-faced comrade ascends vultures encircle amends ages ribbon wore dutiful pose wink prick thorn beautiful aghast dusk savage horsemen musk mother's fat Ghostbusters Puft trust ate man's clarify bouncing bottle Adderall also mentioned twenty-nine exact wack object subject dribbled bombs window wiper airing throws drunken sniper i'm'a zeppelin piper mom tinder swipe 'cuz spherical meaningful queer clerical leather planet gravity ooh moves smooth adroit world's Detroit pity pal fails score swish buzzer curvy's fact NBA's rad basketballs gastric bands Oedipus Rex Electra Pegasus wings foot springs surf's board wave yo' 'boks pump chump sup palm shoot infinity across pass lest tripping guessing slam dunk foul ref gee gotta confide actress picked dang-blasted casting winners chickens plates dinners contain innards bouncy rainbow despair somewhen someway wizard cloak 'walk woods make' pope cruising cloudy witches smelling grass flash fast it’s waterproof hood honestly incredibly convenient behold crone lackadaisical wandering stressed quest gnome bridge trolls gnomes rests astray can’t afford delay pains owe searched quests looked low… however Alex vex variety pressure crones sicker gully micks rolls hats tenacity ambivalent queen’s rhapsody basilisk boss plague scourge special crossroad trolling dope clo' goods wizards apt what’s test angst legit i'th destiny heroes whom homer spoke posers adventure brand joke thrown Joseph Joey-Joe hm yearning journey bigger paths trinity leaking body fluids hurts stealth neighborhoods skirts robin's hundred acre redwood taller tower half paneled power branch pulls tunnel arms brace secret room strike duck alarms shall crescendo k Nintendo ambling van lived banjo rod Duncan savvy business instrument relevant string opted wing traveled actually spaceship hailed Appalachians transcended global nations yeehaw flew Jupiter rife intelligent managed locate unicorn magically eventually helped spacey whirls strung purty talking hair gleaned legend reasoned adopted named Cloister guarantee gleeful galaxy phoned pappy history we’ve lambasted lions crimes rounding precisely fractals surreal ends columned Moses wouldn’t steer starboard port duh range expression infinitesimal strangers narwhal's refrain repeat apology Tilly goal saved conjuring callow philosopher Socrates Stromboli puppetry cigar hemlock Bartholomew señor Freud guitars causing effects masterpiece expansion repression grace' summoned anyone companied omniverse c governed commonwealth unseen pirates denial plundered file misbegotten burn Rosencrantz Guildenstern knowledge flex muscle hour Christopher Columbus killed exactly thrilled una ciudad submarina loco comprendo es cierto necesito explicar cosa interesante three melange mirages appeared nowhere fully tantamount yacht steered ship Allah passengers shouted holler shalom voila haha Mediterranean protects Atlantises projected praying mantises holes wealth clues upon scuba divers' views choose weakened weekend booze bamboo shack Goombay punch moreso encourages lunch hast marine iguanas Bahamas Galapagos Darwin acquiesced priori Bermuda Fm's immortal crustacean combustible thrust killer eels resort hotels eclectic deals resisting Neptune's appeals quoth shark coral reef sits chest skeleton grant access orichalcum certain edible thick domes late quesadillas resultan en pesadillas fantasticos bead super-metal dip submarine motorbike vacuum train peligroso volar interiores helicoptóres native lucayans explained displacing ions anointing vampires dandelions teas brewed stirring yeezus bewitching Jesus suggesting Beatles platinums coronation measuring nation burdened Vinci's cartwheels ambidextrous MJ bey dangerous Elvira spells hex appeal Madonna risk waxing pedantic declared taxing romantic junglas spilling milkshakes kneeled prayer lipstick hallelujah aquamarine flanked RMS philistine nickel bronze copper zinc graphene gasoline Atlantic gyre rumors trickled wire dolphins fateful April 1912 papa smurf surveyed turf raging surf wars bores opposed shores blinded navigating constellations numerous uhh wrist ceased tingling demands drink bar writing giants telling saxophone solo silkiness sheets AstroTurf cleats tricentennial hopes bath carafe chaff bottom commotion fuels human race faces thrill escapeless relax sack mkay hay rem synchronize free-diving iceberg guise jack bop buhbed Renee breezy rides romanticize sighs phantasize rhyming eenie meenie dirty cleany joey elusive fish difference eeenie minus neighbros hug smite pajama scan boogeyman sandman awimoweh bugs bite wop luau synesthetic candy drops yawn everlasting flavor gobs colorforms abridge textbook'd molten meaningness norms lieu pill larger small gives Alice ten rabbits hookah caterpillar chessboard mushroom she'll logic proportion fallen sloppy knight talking backwards queen's dormouse melody except tea mouth reality delighted adorn kept wandered memory planted surprised understands most parade rave celebrate Sunday brunch conscious knits chair uses knit bear puts herself casted spell stopped appearing Monday rustle cheese coin invite sleight use fearlessness wand necessary extraordinary muse dullest reflection inner workings possibilities limits tambourine treat hummingbird resting colored sunset tomorrow's weary offer whistle unity potent remedy why'd curious myself witness roots beholden brighter flutter sweeter observed future daisies fingers lollipops insist family mostly harmony figured ideas sprout older haunts wears positive hopeful prepared invented prevented chin eighty plants trails whisked pointed spin lift confined unfair nice Christmas eve since forember diary moved met sweetest multipearionaire unfeasible improbable ungrapesable rotten impeachable push forward mmhm melt buh ba searching witnessed smiling daylight simple fools gather embrace entrust loved sick visions illusions connection dreamers wished believed amazing stargazing someday voices sailors ignore supposed di ohhh generally modest eaten delicious wishes biggest fishes abject hackneyed reference abstain agree aside struggle deal practicing weekends expense imagining yield rewards repeating hip-hop doowop chords one-of-a-kind runnin' impress bars ignorance blissful abysmal snap holds crystal ticked slept fs record evident mental Aaron Neville sings devil piecing confidence common sense'll recipe industry faker pro wrestling 'makes talent specialty fret shelf epic expanse round-robin championship ids unique simulator engineer stimulate vibrating swirling vortex Johnnying depths girling cortex velveteen flair icicled larynx slid tongue teased hadn’t handling waist overcomers alternative heads expecting former grati’ication hanging ninesome buskers splayed 3rd promenade styles attributing bunnies fours reverse threw grandfather crossed disbarred generations squalormander’d japan towns stoning henges ‘atian formed phase bending forwards earning leisure interest childlike empress tsunami tah

Disclaimer: I do not speak Korean. This is purely translated by machine with a lot of cleanup afterward. With that in mind, I am open to criticism to improve these translations. Enjoy!
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Chapter 333
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"Please wait a moment, Master Ship Lighter Mu-Song."
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I felt compelled to offer a standing ovation to the speaker of those words.
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The boldness required to articulate such a statement amidst such palpable tension was noteworthy.
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Particularly when the person addressed had just transformed over fifty pirates into fish bait within five minutes.
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But who dared to speak?
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'It’s evident from the use of "Master" that they're not one of us.'
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Mu-Song was known to his crew as 'Captain' or 'Fortress Master', ruling them out. None in our group, myself included, had spoken up either.
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That left only one possibility...
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'The passengers who were attacked by the pirates.'
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It became obvious to all present.
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Both my group and the Water Dragon Fortress pirates simultaneously looked in the same direction - towards the twenty passengers who had boarded the fast ship following Hwang Tae-Gu's raid.
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"Who is it? Come forward."
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At Mu-Song's stern command, his men quickly made way. A single figure stood at the end of the clearing.
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"Hello, young man."
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Though the voice hinted at youth, his appearance was surprisingly boyish.
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'He couldn’t be older than twenty.'
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The term 'boy' seemed more fitting than 'young man'. He appeared unnerved by the attention, hesitantly joining his hands in an awkward gesture.
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"Hello. My name is Mun-Kyung."
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"Mun-Kyung?"
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Mu-Song echoed, his brow furrowing.
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"That's a name I've never heard before. You don't seem to be a martial artist either."
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Mu-Song's observation was spot-on.
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Mun-Kyung emitted the aura of a mere civilian, plain and unremarkable.
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Under our intense scrutiny, Mun-Kyung nervously responded,
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"Yes, that's correct. I am just a medical practitioner in training, with no ties to the martial world."
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"Just a medical practitioner? But you seem to know me."
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"How could I not know of the righteous boatman on the Yangtze River of Sichuan, who strictly forbids the unnecesary taking of life?"
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The flattery was blatant.
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Suddenly, Mu-Song, renowned for his ruthless piracy on the Sichuan part of the Yangtze River, struggled to suppress a smirk, his usual ferocity momentarily faltering under the guise of a 'righteous boatman'.
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“Hmm, is that so?”
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“Wealth may come and go, but life is something we only have once. Those who know how many lives have disappeared on the Yangtze River up until a few years ago call Master Mu-Song the 'Master of Benevolence and Righteousness'."
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"Cough. Master of Benevolence and Righteousness, you say. Being the Hero of the Yangtze River is enough for me."
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Such hyperbole...
​
While Mu-Song exhibits some sensibility, his core as a pirate remains. Occasional good deeds hardly elevate him to sainthood.
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Yet, the young doctor seemed to view him differently.
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"My parents were tragically killed on the Yangtze River over a decade ago. If it weren't for Master Mu-Song's rescue, I might have followed in their footsteps."
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"That's unfortunate. But if it was over a decade ago then..."
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"Yes."
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Mun-Kyung's voice quivered as he continued.
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"The person kneeling before Master Mu-Song right now is the man who killed my parents."
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"Oh."
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The revelation caused a stir among the pirates and passengers, all hanging on Mun-Kyung's words. Mu-Song, grasping the gravity of the situation, interjected.
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"I see why you asked me to stop. While it goes against the rules of our Alliance, I fully understand your feelings, and I will give you a chance."
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"You mean to grant me the power to decide his life or death?"
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"Of course."
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But Mun-Kyung's ensuing decision took everyone by surprise.
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"Then... please spare him."
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"...!"
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"...!"
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Mu-Song, poised to hand over a weapon, and Hwang Tae-Gu, who had braced for his end, both stared at Mun-Kyung in disbelief.
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"W-what did you say?"
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Mu-Song asked with a puzzled expression as Mun-Kyung bowed.
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"As much as I want to avenge my parents, I am a doctor. How can someone who deals with life commit an act of death? However, I implore you to ensure that he can no longer commit evil deeds by abolishing his martial arts and punishing him severely according to strict laws."
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"If we follow your suggestion, that man will be sent to the main body of our Alliance. He deserves death, but he might escape with his life due to the connections he's made so far. Wouldn't it be better to avenge yourself right here and now?"
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"I may have no ties to Murim, but I understand that losing one's martial arts is akin to death for a martial artist. I may not have killed him, but it's as good as done. And..."
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Mun-Kyung's gaze, steady and clear, locked onto Hwang Tae-Gu.
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"This is not about personal revenge, but a matter of principle. If the Yangtze River Water Route Alliance punishes him directly, it will serve as a warning to others who commit slaughter on the Yangtze."
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In his steady, unflinching voice, Mun-Kyung commanded the respect of all present.
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Impressed by his demeanor, exclamations of admiration flowed from the onlookers.
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“Ha, impressive. Such wisdom in someone so young.”
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“If it were me, I would have immediately thrust a harpoon into that guy's chest.”
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“A unique individual indeed. He will make a fine doctor.”
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Mu-Song appeared genuinely moved by the young doctor's eloquent words, nodding with evident respect. He then approached Hwang Tae-Gu.
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“If you have ears, you must have heard what the young doctor said. What do you think?”
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“I will definitely survive to tear all of you to pieces.”
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The defiance in Hwang Tae-Gu’s eyes was fleeting.
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Thud!
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“Argh!”
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Below Hwang Tae-Gu’s abdomen, precisely at the Dantian, Mu-Song’s foot landed with force.
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Gazing indifferently at Hwang Tae-Gu, who now spat blood and collapsed, Mu-Song declared,
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“Try and survive if you can. Even if you live, without your Dantian, it won’t be much of a life.”
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His foot struck the Dantian again with a thunderous impact.
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Whoosh, crack!
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“No, please!”
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Hwang Tae-Gu's pleas vanished into the void as his fate was sealed. [Note: while two kicks may seem like its nothing, especially to relatively strong martial artists, if hit properly a person can destroy someone's dantian, which is used for storing and controlling Qi, as we have seen. So damaging or destroying this would prevent another person from practicing martial arts ever again.]
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Swoosh!
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Qi seeped from the seven holes of Hwang Tae-Gu's face, dissolving seamlessly into the ether. [Note: the term used here 칠공(七空) means "seven holes" in Korean, but could also mean "Seven Emptinesses", which is a Buddhist concept. The seven holes translation makes more sense here, but I am not sure why the author has used the Chinese term with Buddhist connotations in this line. The seven holes would be the two ears, two eyes, two nostrils, and mouth.]
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Like water escaping a shattered vessel, his internal energy dissipated with the destruction of his dantian.
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“You all, I will definitely-!”
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The Peak Master who ruled over the Yangtze River in Sichuan no longer existed.
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Reduced to a feeble, powerless man, Hwang Tae-Gu's threats ceased as he became stiff with bloodshot eyes.
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“Enough of your racket. Throw this guy somewhere appropriate, we’ll send him to the main body of the Alliance later.”
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“Aye captain.”
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A pirate, his head gleaming bronze like a Diglett, hauled Hwang Tae-Gu away, bringing the ordeal to an end.
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Mu-Song, scratching his head, surveyed the onlookers.
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“What a scene. I apologize to those who suffered from this ordeal.”
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Was it the lesser of two evils – a rogue pirate overcoming a worse one?
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Regardless, the civilians, owing their lives to the Water Dragon Fortress' intervention, expressed their gratitude with deep bows.
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“Oh no, not at all. We would have been doomed without the heroes of the Yangtze River.”
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“How can I ever repay this kindness…”
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“Thanks to the care of the Primordial Heavenly Lord, not a single life was lost. You needn’t worry.” [Note: In Taoism and certain East Asian spiritual traditions, the Primordial Heavenly Lord is typically regarded as a supreme deity or a highly revered divine figure. This figure is often associated with the creation or origination of the universe, embodying the essence of the Tao (the Way) or the fundamental principles that govern the cosmos.]
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What? Not a single death?
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I scanned the group of passengers.
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‘It's true.’
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There were injured people here and there, but no corpses.
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Despite our timely arrival before the full-blown battle, the initial volley of arrows and harpoons should have been lethal...
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‘How did mere civilians, only twenty in number, manage this?’
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My question was soon answered.
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“If it weren’t for the young doctor over there, we might all have been dead.”
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“Yes. How he remained so calm in such a situation… truly remarkable.”
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This was the consensus among the passengers.
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When the pirates appeared, inciting panic, Mun-Kyung had stepped forward, ripping up deck planks to create makeshift shields and even dismantling the mast.
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‘The deck I understand, but breaking the mast?’
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An average person would think of rowing away in desperation, but Mun-Kyung had a different approach.
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He rendered the sail useless, leaving the ship at the mercy of the Yangtze's unpredictable currents.
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‘And he succeeded.’
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I understood the basics of naval combat.
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The usual strategy involved closing in on the enemy after long-range assaults, then engaging directly, either by ramming or boarding.
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But if the target ship is erratically spinning and rocking, it's difficult to execute an attack. Mun-Kyung bought valuable time with this tactic.
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‘Look at this guy.’
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His handling of the Hwang Tae-Gu situation too. He’s no ordinary clever fellow.
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Then, as Mun-Kyung caught my gaze, perhaps sensing the praise in my heart, he looked startled.
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“Y-Young Master, do you need something from me?”
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“Need? It's just that you seem about my sister's age and I was admiring the incredible thing you did.”
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“You flatter me.”
​
“From what I heard, it was a bold move. How did you come up with that?”
​
“Although I’m currently walking the path of a medical practitioner, before my parents passed away, I read a lot of books on different subjects.”
​
“Books?”
​
“Yes. My family actually comes from a modest military background. My grandfather was even a military officer receiving stipends from the court.”
​
An attempt to hide a faint wariness towards strangers and a subtle sense of pride.
​
At first glance, he seemed like any other boy his age, yet something was amiss.
​
As I observed Mun-Kyung closely, I whispered under my breath.
​
‘Activate skill, Qi Sense.’
​
Ding!
​
The familiar sound of a bell chimed, revealing insights about him in a floating display.
​
​
​
[Lv.6 Mun-Kyung]
​
​
​
“I was off the mark.”
​
“Pardon?”
​
“Nothing. Just stay healthy and keep growing up well.”
​
“Yes, y-yes…”
​
I clicked my tongue subtly, turning away from a confused Mun-Kyung.
​
That's when Mu-Song, who had been observing, inquired quietly.
​
“What’s the matter?”
​
“Nothing much. I was just curious about him.”
​
“Hubae, do you enjoy sodomy?” [Note: I have checked and checked, hoping that my eyes deceived me, but here is the original Korean so you can see for yourselves... "후배, 혹시 남색(男色)을 즐기나?" Also, Hubae means "junior" in Korean.]
​
What the hell…
​
Noticing my reaction, he quickly cleared his throat and shifted the topic.
​
“Well, anyway, we should continue on our way. The current is strong, but with this favorable wind, we’ll reach Xi'an in no time.”
​
“What about the others? Their original ship also sank.”
​
“The others? Ah, my men will move them to a safe place.”
​
Mu-Song chuckled and added.
​
“Of course, for a modest fee.”
​
“…”
​
Saving lives and then extorting money. Should I call that smart or stupid?
​
I was momentarily speechless at this new model of creative economy when suddenly,
​
“Wait a moment.”
​
“Hm?”
​
It was Mun-Kyung, appearing hesitant and toying with his fingers as he spoke.
​
“Did you say you’re heading to Xi'an now?”
​
“Yes. Why?”
​
Startled, Mun-Kyung quickly blurted out his words.
​
“It’s just that, coincidentally, I was also on my way to Xi'an. If you could just give me a ride this one time, I would be eternally grateful, remembering the kindness forever, deeply engraved in my heart, even if I die and die again a thousand times and turn to dust, I will never forget…”
​
What is this now?
​
I sighed deeply, facing this Jeong Mong-Ju-like character. [Note: Jeong Mong-Ju is a Korean scholar and diplomat most famous for a poem he wrote that includes the line "Though I die and die again a hundred times, That my bones turn to dust, whether my soul remains or not, Ever loyal to my Lord, how can this heart ever fade away?", which is what is causing the MC to relate Mun-Kyung to him.]
​
“Alright, get on.”
​
“Thank you so much!”
​
Watching Mun-Kyung hurriedly gather his belongings, Mu-Song muttered quietly.
​
“Well, it’s my boat, after all…”
​
No, not anymore.

Ahh! Literary devices,
A poet’s best friend.
But as a reader, seeing them
bores me, especially since they never end.
​
Let’s start off with the basics.
The ones everyone learnt in school.
Having to suffer hell on earth.
Really, only English teachers think they are cool.
​
First, our best-est friend, similes
Boring, like watching paint dry.
And oh, his brother metaphor.
Seeing him makes me say goodbye.
​
Alliteration, welcome, right-on time.
Poets should say ‘Sorry, such stupidity I surely shan’t repeat.’
Repetition would be so much a better pick,
He’s always unused, always ignored, always silent, always discreet.
​
Antithesis, Tautology, also never used.
Boys and Girls, come learn about this sublime, noble pair.
They are far better than personification, I assure,
Hearing it, the winds too howl in despair.
​
Oxymorons and paradoxes, rebel twins,
The one rule, ignoring all rules, they break.
I distinctly remember to forget the existence of puns
God! From all this sappy, romantic-era poems, I need a break.
​
Hyperbole and Euphemism,
Millions love these twins.
Unfortunately, often ignorance causes them to pass away,
While daddy/mommy poet sardonically grins.
​
And another set of neglected twins, anaphora and epistrophe
And they argue and argue and quarrel.
They only stop quarreling, if someone else interrupts their quarrel.
Living with them makes one nigh immoral.
​
Synecdoche, Transferred epithet,
They problem children, who feel that the world is out to get them.
Don’t look at them with such concerned eyes.
All they do is cater to their own whim.
​
Rhyme scheme! Don’t get me started.
Should be ABAB, no ABCB,
Poets, keep this crap to yourself,
As long as it fits the theme, let the words run free!
​
This is the family,
Of literary devices (Oh! Look a runoff line).
Dysfunctional as it is, it will never change.
My advice? Always talk to them after a glass of wine.
===X=X=X===
Feedback Appreciated.
​
a. https://www.reddit.com/OCPoetry/comments/12ep9tm/comment/jfciveo/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
b. https://www.reddit.com/OCPoetry/comments/12ec3lu/comment/jfadwua/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3

​
Hermeneutics: 1.The theory and methodology of interpretation, especially of scriptural text.
Why do we need good hermeneutics?
2 Tim 2:15:
"Make every effort to present yourself approved to God, an unashamed workman who accurately handles the word of truth."
Notes taken from: https://arcapologetics.org/good-hermeneutics/
Apologetics is a word derived from the Greek word apologia, which means to give a reasoned defense. In its Biblical context, apologetics is a branch of Christian theology and philosophy through which the Christian mind expresses itself in the task of evangelism.
1 Pet. 3:15, "But in your hearts sanctify Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give a defense to everyone who asks you the reason for the hope that is in you. But respond with gentleness and respect,"
​

Exegesis vs Eisegesis

Before we talk about hermeneutics, we need to understand the difference between exegesis and eisegesis. The "ex" in Exegesis means "out of", while the "eis' is "into." Which is where we get the ideas of "reading meaning into" something vs "getting something out of it."
Simply put:
Exegesis = good, get understanding from.
Eisegesis = bad, read own bias into.
So that brings us to hermeneutics, which is the method of study which provides exegesis and prevents eisegesis. You are still likely to make mistakes, I certainly have, and sometimes that can be something as simple as misreading a word or forgetting the context of a sentence.
I once quoted 1 Timothy 6:10 as the "money is the root of all evil," even though I knew it was "the love of money," but it was just a slip of the tongue. Luckily, someone else was there to catch my mistake, but the point is even well studied and well intentioned people can still make mistakes. Don't be afraid to admit it if you do.
​

The Faith/Illumination Principles

The Bible is not an ordinary book. A non-believer could read through it and gain very little, other than an academic knowledge of the Judeo-Christian faith and the history that the Bible offers. There are deeper, spiritual truths to be found within Holy Scripture.
This is where the Illumination principle comes in, which is the idea that the Holy Spirit of God actually guides our reading and understanding. Therefore, while intellectual, academic, and historical analysis of the Bible is not necessarily bad (indeed it is very important), it falls short of what God has to offer us through the truth of himself and personal relationship. Remember that John tells us that Jesus IS the Word of God. To know the word is to know Jesus and to know Jesus is to know God our Father, (John 10:30).
There is a great danger in using eisegesis with this method; reading fantastical meanings into the Bible, whether from our own thoughts, or from other people or sources, even science. Thankfully, we have the other hermeneutics to keep us grounded.
​

The Plain Sense Principle

This states that unless we have good reason to believe otherwise, we should assume that a passage means literally what it says. Scripture often uses hyperbole, metaphor, and allegory, but it's usually very clear when this is the case. When Jesus says "I am the door," he's not talking about a literal door. He is, in fact, talking about a deeper spiritual meaning, which is expanded on in other verses about his connection to God the Father and him being the "doorway" or the "narrow gate" through which we enter the Kingdom of Heaven. However, we should not read such symbolic meaning into every word that we read.
This is actually one of the main points that Christians often disagree with one another, such as whether communion is literally the blood and flesh of Christ (Transubstantiation) or just figuratively so.
​

The Authorial Intent/Historic/Genre Perspective

This is understanding the words of the Bible according to the who, what, when, where, and why. Who wrote it and who were they speaking to? What were they intending to write and why (an epistle, a gospel, a poem)? When did they write it? During what historic period was the author writing and where were they located (if applicable)?
This requires a minimum of research into the individual book and author, though often times this historic context is found within the author's words. Many Bibles have a preface to each book which explains this historic context. I recommend you read that preface whenever starting the study of a specific book of the Bible, even if you've read it before. Refreshers are always good.
Genres of the Bible include: law, narratives, prophecy, poetry, wisdom literature, gospel, epistle, and apocalyptic literature. Which themselves include everything from history, to visions, commandments from God, and even personal opinions. It's important to understand exactly what type of writing you're reading before you start trying to pull meaning from it. The webpage offers a more in depth description of each of these types.
One of the most common mistakes people make is taking every word found in the Bible as a commandment from God. There is both history and opinion found within Scripture and we should be careful not to apply the words and actions of man to the higher authority of God. Paul himself states this, which is rather ironic considering his words are some of the most misused when it comes to opinions vs commandments (1 Cor 7:12).
​

Grammatical Principle

Grammar is important and study of the original language can be helpful, but it is also very nuanced and academic. Because of this, my recommendation is to read commentaries and watch sermons from good preachers to help you understand, unless you want to go take a New Testament Koine Greek class.
One simple example of a grammatical understanding is in 1 Cor 3:16 when Paul says "Do you not know that you are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in you?" The "you" here is plural in the original Greek, so he was actually talking to the people as a whole, similar to "where two or more are gathered in my name…"
​

The Contextual Principle

Last, but certainly not least, this is the one that is most often misused by critics of the Bible, whether intentionally or through ignorance. I'm going to directly quote Arc Apologetics here, because they worded this well, "Each verse should be read in the light of the whole paragraph, the chapter, the book, any other books written by the same author, the Testament, and the Bible as a whole. [also] When we encounter difficult texts, we should interpret them in the light of clearer texts."
Scripture should always be considered in the greater context and the greater the context the better. This is actually how the "Church Fathers" as they are known, put together the New Testament. They reviewed the writings they had, debated their authenticity, then compared them all to one another, as well as the writings of the Old Testament, and the teachings of the disciples of Jesus Christ passed down through the Church. This gave them the context to decide what to keep and what to set aside (such as the gospel of Thomas).
This also helps us when we are having trouble understanding a verse or a concept, because we can look throughout the Bible as a whole for a complete understanding. This is best done, of course, by prayer asking for the guidance of the Holy Spirit, lest we start reading into it the meaning we want to find, rather than what God actually has for us.
​
So there you have it, hermeneutics and whatnot. There's a lot, which is why it's important to understand a person's method before you start listening to their interpterion. This is why a lot of Christian scholars disagree with certain interpretations from groups such as the Jehovah's witnesses, Mormons, and the Amish. Not that they aren't still are brothers and sisters in Christ (Mark 9:40, 1 Corinthians 12:3), just that their interpretations are not widely agreed with.
Not to say that there isn't room for reasonable discussion, and various denominations certainly have differing views, especially between protestants and Catholics. As long as we remember to speak with gentleness and respect, we can have such debates. Though we should be careful not to supplant the Holy Spirit as the ultimate authority.

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30 Red Flags of Manipulative People 1. You feel on-edge around this person, but you still want them to like you. You find yourself writing off most of their questionable behavior as accidental.
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From the Psychopath Free book, now available in Barnes & Noble stores everywhere and online at: http://book.psychopathfree.com
There are a lot of phenomenal studies on the traits and characteristics of psychopaths. For professional research, check out Cleckley’s criteria or Hare’s psychopathy checklist. A quick Google search ought to do the trick. The red flags in this book are intended to supplement those resources.
So what’s different about this list? Well, for one, it’s specifically about relationships. But it’s also about you. Each point requires introspection and self-awareness. Because if you want to spot toxic people, you cannot focus entirely on their behavior—that’s only half the battle. You must also come to recognize the looming red flags in your own heart. Then, you will be ready for anything.

1. You feel on-edge around this person, but you still want them to like you. You find yourself writing off most of their questionable behavior as accidental or insensitive, because you’re in constant competition with others for their attention and praise. They don't seem to care when you leave their side—they can just as easily move on to the next source of energy.
   
2. They withhold attention and undermine your self-esteem. After first hooking you with praise and flattery, they suddenly become reclusive and uninterested. They make you feel desperate & needy, ensuring that you are always the one to initiate contact or physical intimacy.
   
3. Plasters your Facebook page with compliments, flattery, songs, and poems. They text you dozens, if not hundreds of times per day. You come to rely on this over-communication as a source of confidence.
   
4. Quickly declares you their soul mate. And for some reason, you don’t find it creepy. They tell you how much they have in common with you. On the first few dates, you do most of the talking and they just can’t believe how perfect you are for them.
   
5. Compares you to everyone else in their life. Ex-lovers, friends, family members, and your eventual replacement. When idealizing, they make you feel special by telling you how much better you are than these people. When devaluing, they use these comparisons to hurt you.
   
6. Lies & excuses. There is always an excuse for everything, even things that don’t require excusing. They make up lies faster than you can question them. They will always blame others—it is never their fault. They spend more time rationalizing their behavior than improving it.
   
7. No startle response. Total absence of anxiety, fear, and worry where there otherwise should be. They are also very easily bored by the familiar. You write this off as calm and cool, often feeling inferior and over-sensitive because you have normal human emotions.
   
8. Insults you with a condescending, joking sort of attitude. Smirks when you try to express yourself. Teasing becomes the primary mode of communication in your relationship. They subtly belittle your intelligence and achievements. If you point this out, they call you hypersensitive and crazy.
   
9. Uses social networking to provoke jealousy and rivalries while maintaining their cover of innocence. They once focused all of their attention on you, but now they post ambiguous videos and statuses to make you doubt your place in their heart. They bait previously denounced exes with old songs and inside jokes. They attend to new activity and ignores yours.
   
10. You find yourself playing detective. It’s never happened in any other relationship, but suddenly you’re scrolling back years on their Facebook page and albums. Same with their ex. You’re seeking answers to a feeling you can’t quite explain.
    
11. Surrounds themselves with former lovers and potential mates. Brags that their exes still want to sleep with him/her, but assures you there is nothing to worry about. These people make you feel jealous and give off the perception that your partner is in high-demand.
    
12. Hyperbolizes emotions while displaying none of them. They make passionate statements like “I’ve never felt so happy in my life” in a completely robotic voice. It sounds like an alien trying to explain how they imagine human emotions might feel.
    
13. You are the only one who sees their true colors. Others will think they're the nicest person in the world, even though they are used for money, resources, and attention. They won’t care because he/she strategically distracts them with shallow praise (often done over social networking). Psychopaths are able to maintain superficial friendships far longer than their relationships.
    
14. Accuses you of emotions that they are intentionally provoking. They will call you jealous after blatantly flirting with their ex over social networking for the world to see. They will call you needy after intentionally ignoring you for three days straight.
    
15. Cannot put themselves in your shoes, or anyone else’s for that matter. You find yourself desperately trying to explain how they might feel if you were treating them this way, and they just stare at you blankly.
    
16. You are engaged in constant conversations about their ex. You know them by name, and you know everything about their relationship—at least, your partner's version of events. The ex becomes one of the most frequent topics of discussion in your relationship.
    
17. You find yourself explaining the basic elements of human respect to a full-grown man/woman. Normal people understand the fundamental concepts of honesty and kindness. No adult should need to be told how they are making other people feel.
    
18. Focuses on your mistakes and ignores their own. If they're two hours late, don’t forget that you were once five minutes late to your first date. If you point out their mistakes, they will always be quick to turn the conversation back on you.
    
19. Suddenly and completely bored by you. Gives you the silent treatment and becomes very annoyed that you seem to be interested in continuing the passionate relationship that they created. You are now a chore to them.
    
20. The ultimate hypocrite. They have extremely high expectations for fidelity, respect, and adoration. After the idealization phase, they will give none of this back to you. They will cheat, lie, insult, and degrade. But you are expected to remain perfect.
    
21. Sometimes it seems as though they've forgotten who they're supposed to be around you. They adopt different personas for different people—transforming their entire personality to match various audiences. It’s always very eerie when they slip and accidentally use the wrong mask for you. You will start to feel that their personality just doesn’t seem to add up.
    
22. An unusual amount of “crazy” people in their past. Any ex-partner or friend who did not come crawling back to them will likely be labeled jealous, bipolar, an alcoholic, or some other nasty smear. They will speak about you the same way to their next target.
    
23. Flatters your deepest insecurities. If you’re self-conscious about your looks, they'll call you the sexiest person in the world. If you’ve got a need to entertain, they'll say you’re the funniest person they've ever known. They will also mirror your greatest fantasies, playing whatever role is necessary to win your heart.
    
24. Frequently comments about what you’re wearing and how you look. They try to arrange you. You become obsessed with your appearance, noticing flaws that likely don’t even exist. During and after the relationship, you will spend significantly more time in front of the mirror. (Thank you to our member, ckwanderlust, for these valuable insights).
    
25. You fear that any fight could be your last. Normal couples argue to resolve issues, but psychopaths make it clear that negative conversations will jeopardize the relationship, especially ones regarding their behavior. You apologize and forgive quickly, otherwise you know they'll lose interest in you.
    
26. Obsessed with humiliating successful, kind & cheerful people. Delighted by the idea of breaking up friendships and marriages. If you work hard to maintain interpersonal peace in your life, they will make it their mission to uproot all of it.
    
27. Gaslighting. Blatantly denies their own manipulative behavior and ignores evidence when confronted with it. They will become angry if you attempt to disprove their delusions with facts.
    
28. They expect you to read their mind. If they stop communicating with you for several days, it’s your fault for not knowing about the plans they never told you about. There will always be a self-victimizing excuse to go along with this.
    
29. Selfishness and a crippling thirst for attention. They drain the energy from you and consume your entire life. Their demand for adoration is insatiable. You thought you were the only one who could make them happy, but now you feel that anyone with a beating pulse could fit the role. However, the truth is: no one can fill the void of a psychopath’s soul.
    
30. Your feelings. After a run-in with a psychopath, you will feel insane, exhausted, drained, shocked, suicidal, and empty. You will tear apart your entire life—spending money, ending friendships, and searching for some sort of reason behind it all.
    

Note: These Red Flags have been updated, based on survey responses from more than 1,000 survivors! These include Covert Gossiping, Arrogance, and much more:
http://book.psychopathfree.com
You will find that normal, loving people do not raise any of these flags. After an encounter with a psychopath, most survivors face the struggle of hypervigilance: who can really be trusted? Your gauge will swing back and forth for a while, like a volatile pendulum. You will wonder if you’ve gone absolutely mad—wanting to believe the best in an old friend or a new date, but feeling sick to the stomach when you actually spend time with them.
Developing your intuition is a personal process, but I would leave you with this: the world is mostly full of good people, and you don’t want to miss out on that because you’ve been hurt. Spend some time getting in touch with your feelings. Keep tweaking until you find a comfortable balance of awareness and trust. Look within and understand why you felt the way you did. You will discover that many old relationships may need revisiting. And as you begin to abandon toxic patterns, healthier ones will inevitably appear in their place.
To quote a longtime member & friend, Phoenix, you will stop asking “Do they like me?” and start asking “Do I like them?”
I've written a new book about long-term healing. Whole Again is now published! If you would like to be notified about future books, you can enter your email address below. This is not a mailing list. Just a one-time notification:

A long-awaited buddy getaway to Austin the last weekend of October. Here is a report on our thoughts and experiences devouring all that we possibly could in Austin (and beyond). Perhaps unintended, this became a foodie trip. It became all about the food and soaking up that Texas sun while all the rest of our activities seem to be downtime between epic meals. Both of us are first-timers to the area (if you don’t count visiting when you’re a kid), and newbies to the Texas food scene as well.
A whole ton of thanks to the austinfood community for some great information and recommendations that inspired our five days of feasting. We packed in as much as we humanly could without succumbing to our own gluttony. There was BBQ, Tacos, Tex Mex, more BBQ, and even more tacos. We’re aware the Austin culinary spectrum is far more expansive than the aforementioned, but we’re a couple of dudes from Oregon where the BBQ and taco scene is lackluster at best. Simply put, we came here on a mission to eat, and eat well, with a BBQ/Taco-focused itinerary.
We did plenty of research on food options prior to our trip, and our choices were heavily influenced by other Reddit threads and the ‘Texas Monthly 50 Best BBQ Joints.’ Yelp reviews helped mildly, but interestingly opinion seems to be all over the place when it comes to even the top BBQ spots.
We arrived Thursday, October 28th, welcomed by a savage wind that blew all day, and it was off to beer and BBQ without delay. We found ourselves at Meanwhile Brewing, and Distant Relatives was the play. No, this is not a poem, but an Austin food exposé.
Distant Relatives was our intro to Texas BBQ. Everything here had a very unique and spicy flavor profile that played out through all of the dishes. Pork ribs were smackin’ and superbly seasoned. Brisket flavorful, thick bark, but a bit dry. Pulled pork was delicious. Spiced peanuts? Habit forming. Most expensive of the BBQ places we visited. Meal for two before tip: $83.00 (included 1 lb. brisket, 1 lb. pork ribs, ½ lb. pulled pork, two sides).
While waiting for Distant Relatives to open from what appeared to be an afternoon siesta, we got the taco party started at Pueblo Viejo. How can you not choose to eat tacos when you’re hungry and there’s the smell of fresh grilled meat from the taco truck 20 feet away? We weren’t expecting greatness, but these were some mighty fine tacos, some of the better tacos we tried in Austin. Al pastor all damn day!
As far as the brewery itself, Meanwhile Brewing has a small but solid tap list. Service was superficially friendly, but not overly engaging. Lots of space for people to spread out and plenty of tree shade. I would imagine this would be a great spot to hang on a hot day. The highlight was their “Secret Beach,” the San Diego Style IPA.
After all that, and a sleepless night before our early morning flight from Portland, that was that. Back to the hotel to enter into our catatonic food stupor for the rest of the evening.
FRIDAY (South Congress St.)
The gluttonous food crawl continued, engorging ourselves on more BBQ, tacos, and BBQ tacos for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And where else would one kickstart a breakfast orgy other than Valentina’s Tex Mex BBQ? The “Real Deal Holyfield” breakfast taco is the main event, and the reason so many flock here to get the iconic taco on their Instagram feed. I also ordered a Cerveza Beef Fajita Taco for a little variety, which had luscious chunks of soft steak and had a wider range of flavors. You come here for the photogenic Real Deal, but the Cerveza was the better tasting taco. The service was less than charming. After standing at the front of the line for 15 minutes and being ignored, the cranky over-worked lady in the truck finally throws open the window and barks "Ok, what do want!" Yikes! The food was fantastic, but we weren’t feeling the love. I suppose when you make it this big, you don’t need to focus on such things to keep the crowds coming back.
Later that day, adrift down S. Congress Ave....
A late morning ice cream explosion at Jeni’s Ice Cream. I hail from the land of Salt & Straw (Portland, Ore.), and Jeni’s is the true hero of the ice cream legend in my mind. So many unique flavors. Rainbow buttermilk ice cream? Yup, it's there, ready to color your life all shades of yum. And cream puff ice cream? I’d hit that again, and again, and again. I get that Jeni’s is a chain, and have tried the pints from Whole Foods, but that doesn’t make it any less amazing.
Not exactly a planned stop at Torchy’s Tacos, but when you walk by, mid-afternoon hunger pangs knocking, and you see a sign for “Taco of the Friggin' Month: The Kingpin” (green chile pork carnitas and fried plantains), it’s just going to happen. These are what I call "for the birds" tacos, meaning you'll be too full to eat them all, so you can feed the remaining bits to the birds that linger around on the outdoor patio.
Final stop: Cosmic Coffee + Beer Garden. Absolutely loved this place. This is everything I would envision a proper beer garden to be. Beer Garden of Eden. Beautiful space with lots of towering oak trees, happy vibes, plenty of local brews on tap, and an aesthetic for that perfect "chill and drink beer" spot on a late autumn afternoon. I loved that you could order your drinks on the TabbedOut app and skip the line.
BBQ is truth, and the true motive for making Cosmic our final stop on our three-mile SoCo sojourn was the Leroy and Lewis BBQ food truck. These guys are SLINGIN' IT! We came hoping to try the beef cheeks. Our sadness that they were sold out was short-lived once we ordered the L&L Burger (I ordered the last two before they sold out!). The second I bit into it, I knew I was into something that can’t be aptly described without some sort of sexual reference. It was pure mouth orgasm, hitting all of my umami spots. So soft and rich. Pure decadence. I wasn't even finished with the first bite, and I was sufficiently aroused. Without hyperbolizing, this was the best burger of my life! Meal for 2 before tip: $49.00 for two of the L&L Burgers ($14.00 each) plus the “2 meats and 2 sides” ($21.00). Not bad at all considering the quality of the food.
Leroy and Lewis are on to something, and I’m already thinking of when I can get back to Austin just to eat here again. Haven’t even tried the beef cheeks and brisket yet. The Barbacoa was like butter, melt-in-your-motherluvin-mouth, not even a wee hint of dryness. Pulled whole hog, while not what I typically go for, was fantastic. Even the roasted carrots were unexpectedly amazing. I’ve never been so happy eating veggies. Insider tip: I was told if you want beef cheeks, you have to get there before noon due to the well-deserved popularity since they cracked the top 5 of the Texas Monthly BBQ rankings.
SATURDAY (day trip to Waco for Texas vs Baylor football)
While this was not a day of Austin eating, it’s close enough where I think if you wanted to go out of your way to try these places, it would be well worth the drive and time. When we learned of an 11:00 kickoff for the game, this meant an early start at Miller’s Smokehouse in Belton, which is exactly halfway between Austin and Waco. This – THIS – is the place you need to find yourself for breakfast. It checks all of the boxes. Brisket & Egg breakfast tacos (added potato) on handmade tortillas that just slapped my tastebuds silly. Wow, to me, this was the breakfast highlight of our trip. Super nice folks. The chopped brisket had so much succulent flavor, fluffy eggs, zesty green salsa, crunchy fried potatoes. *Spoiler alert* Best breakfast tacos I had in Texas. And the fresh-baked cinnamon rolls, while not nearly as memorable as the breakfast tacos, were soft and scrumptious in a not-too-sweet sort of way. The coffee was shockingly great – so good, in fact, that the Northwest coffee snob in me didn’t require a separate stop for coffee procurement.
After watching Baylor take down Texas, and finally hungry again, where oh where would we find ourselves? Helberg Barbecue, just a few miles outside of Waco, is where. This was the first place that felt like genuine central Texas BBQ, more of a dining hall, surrounded by good hearty Texas country folk and dudes wearing cowboy hats, with a massive pile of ribs and brisket laying before us. This is how I dreamt it would be. Our eyes were bigger than our stomachs, as they carved that brisket right in front of us, juices oozing out and all.
We got greedy - ordering twice as much as we could possibly eat. The banana pudding was ridiculously good, and I’m not a fan of banana anything. The mustard-heavy potato salad was just to my liking. The pork ribs were gorgeous meaty hunks of fall-off-the-bone bliss. The brisket wasn’t as heavily seasoned as some of the other stuff we’d had (not a negative thing) and was super tender. It may have been a tad bit under-smoked given the fat wasn’t completely rendered. Nevertheless, this is serious BBQ, and you won’t leave here wanting for anything. I would highly recommend this to anyone wandering these parts looking for top notch BBQ. Price-wise, this was the best value of the places we tried – a little over $100 (tip included) for a feast that would have easily fed a third hungry person.
*Quick segue before moving on\*
We had designs on daylong BBQ crawls and trying all of the places on our list, stuffing massive amounts of meat into ourselves with impunity. However, we quickly learned no matter how much BBQ you think you want to consume, you cannot do it every day and truly enjoy it. After one big BBQ feast, we were *done* with food for the day. It's just so rich and fatty, and sits in your stomach for hours and hours. We'd wake up the next day still feeling the fullness from the day before.
SUNDAY – East Austin
Awoke with Helburg’s still haunting our bellies, so we took a nice long morning walk to East Austin sans breakfast from downtown via a stop at the Texas State Capitol to burn it off. After all of the heavy meat the day before, we turned to tacos. First stop….
Las Trancas Taco Stand – Nothing overly noteworthy about it other than the tacos were just what we wanted and spot-on delicious and had a wide variety options. Super spicy chorizo. These were the “slide ‘em in your face and get happy” tacos. This is a truck that seems to be beloved by the hungry locals judging by the endless long line.
If you love sour beers (we do!), Blue Owl Brewing is a destination brewery. You buy your glass ($20) and then you get four “free” beers in it, which is their work-around of some funky Texas law about not being allowed to sell alcohol in a residential area when you don’t serve food. That worked out fine, as we just wanted to drink *all* of their beer and stay a while. Everything they do is awesome, especially the Tiki Hop Totem Milkshake Sour IPA, which has consumed my thoughts ever since. Not sure if “sour afternoons” are a thing, but if you’re in East Austin on a hot Sunday afternoon (85 degrees in October is HOT for us), they sure as shit should be.
Halfway crocked from our “sour afternoon,” it was indeed time for more tacos. We walked over to Tacos Guerrero, which looked like it shacked up early and was closed, and then the next spot on the map, Ember Smoke Co., wasn’t even there, and by the looks of it doesn’t exist anymore. Finding a spot for tacos late on a Sunday afternoon was presenting a challenge. We ended up at Smokin’ Rose Taco Joint in the back of the Latchkey bar on East 6th, as it was on the way back to our hotel. We came here for the al pastor street tacos, which were outrageous. But stayed for two massive helpings of the smoked wings in their “green sauce” that they were doing as a special and the loaded nachos. Goddayum, this place rocks. We were almost as delighted as the large congregation of Saints fans on hand that were celebrating the New Orleans Saints taking down the hated Buccaneers. Unbeknownst to us, this was a Saints bar, and had a grittier, divey feel, which was perfect for us. Loved this place!
MONDAY – Day Trip to San Antonio
On our way…
My compadre was insistent we stop at Donut Taco Palace I on our way out of town headed toward SA. I ordered a donut, chorizo breakfast taco, and a kolache (jalapeno, sausage and cheese). The kolaches are so yummy and would keep me coming back. Soft and warm, and full of meat and cheesy jalapeno goodness. It seems like if this place did coffee, it would be the most perfect quick breakfast stop. Very popular spot way out on highway 290.
In San Antonio…
I know this isn’t Austin, but I’m throwing Birotes Tortas Ahogadas on because it was just that good that it had to be mentioned. I was seeking out a place that does the birria style of taco, and we were so not disappointed. Hole in the wall in a non-descript neighborhood where English isn’t even spoken as a second language, just what we were hoping for. We got an order each of the regular birria tacos and the quesobirria. Every last morsel made sweet dripping love to our mouths. All washed down with the house horchata. Super friendly people that run this place, I’d go out of my way to come back on a future SA visit.
On our way back…
On our way down, we took some of the back roads to San Antonio to explore some of the hill country, via Dripping Springs, Blanco, and Boerne. The scenery was quite stunning, as neither of us were expecting it to be so beautiful out there. Returning via the vast concrete runway known as I-35 was a different matter, and a stop at Buc-ee’s in New Braunfels broke up the monotony. Like everything else in Texas – this place is (way) bigger and better than anything you have at home. It’s a monstrosity. We spent well over an hour here loading up on locally made goodies to take home, sampling the plethora of Texas hill country smoked meats in their deli, and just wandering around amidst the bustle and aroma of freshly roasted candied pecans in this almost hangar-sized market. As grandiose and tourist-trappy as this place is, the fact that there’s such a vast selection of locally made and produced goods makes it a very worthwhile stop.
TUESDAY (final day)
We had a mid-afternoon flight, so the morning was ours to have our way with. Woke up early for a run on the bike trail along the Colorado River, making a quick stop on the way back at Veracruz All Natural in the Line Hotel to gobble up one of the migas tacos that I’d read plenty about. We had intended to stop here prior since it was nearby, but it had averted us up to this point. Couldn’t leave Austin without trying one of these. The variety of texture is what makes this bad boy – the crunch of the tortilla with the avocado and egg. We didn’t try any other migas tacos to that we could compare it to, but the ingredients were fresh and quality. It was a taco that was more satisfying than anything that wowed us. Would I stop here again if in the ‘hood? Damn straight. It’s a very solid breakfast option. Is it something to seek out? I’d be reluctant to go that far. But we can say we tried it.
It was getting that time by late morning. One final stop? The best for last? You probably thought (were hoping!) we were going to bounce outta the AUX without even mentioning Franklin BBQ. At this time, they were closed for dine-in, so I pre-planned this as our last meal and ordered curbside pickup on the website.
*Tip: there is (was) a 3 lb min. on meat for online to-go orders, but if you purchase some merch, you can get away with ordering less. I ordered one of the ‘Meat Smoking Manifesto’ books for my meat-smoking zealot brother, which was actually a great read (before gifting it off).
Meat, dessert, drinks, and merch, which was a little more than a meal for two, ended up being around $157 - tip included. Food itself was about $90.00 before tip. Far from the best value we found on our trip, but it’s Franklin BBQ, and how often are you going to have a chance to have it and avoid waiting in a four hour-long line?
We scheduled a 10:30 pickup and pulled in just before without any wait. Check-in was a breeze, and well-organized by the friendly staff. We pulled in at just the right time, as five minutes later we looked back at the entrance and the huge queue of cars lined up down the street to get in. That seemed to be a fortunate theme that followed us throughout our trip, showing up at just the right moment for everything before the masses started lining up behind us or right before something sold out. My superpower!
Now with food in tow, we scooted off to the first random nearby park we could find with an empty clean picnic table that didn’t look (too) sketchy (Alamo Pocket Park). We ripped open the bag and the spread of meatiness before us – 1 lb. brisket, 1 lb. pork ribs, 2 sausage links, 1 each of the banana bourbon and key lime tarts – was indubitably going to be a belly stretching endeavor.
Oh snap! those sausages. And the ribs. Meat rolled right off those suck-on-the-bone slabs. We were a couple of wild dogs on a fresh carcass, decadent grease slopped all over our hands and faces. The brisket was nothing short of magnificent. I mean, it was glorious, a divine creation deserving of worship. Unfortunately, we didn’t have a huge sample size from many Austin BBQ joints to compare it to, but this brisket was so soft and so tender, seasoning and bark on point. There was nothing fancy about it. Just simplicity mastered to perfection.
There may be brisket out there as good as Franklin BBQ, but sometimes you *know* you’re eating the very best version of something and it’s impossible for it to be better. I’m as wary as anyone about anything receiving as much hype as Franklin, and the expectations were set accordingly. But this delivered, and was worthy of being the grand culmination of an epic foodie journey in Austin. Would we do Franklin BBQ again? Probably not, given the cost, excruciating waits in long lines, and other quality options that exist in Austin. Is the hype warranted, and the line worth the wait if you’ve never been? Absofuckinglutely.
FINAL THOUGHTS AND SUPERLATIVES
It’s difficult not to have a little FOMO having missed out on a lot of the places on our list despite our conquests, and living so far away that all we can realistically do is stare at Instagram and drool. That being said, we definitely have unfinished business in Austin. We badly wanted to try some of the other BBQ around the city, such as Micklethwait, La Barbecue, Interstellar, Salt Lick, Kerlin, and Terry Black’s. There are surely others that weren’t on our radar that would be just as good. Let’s not mention all the amazing tacos and Tex Mex that we didn’t get to. It just pains me.
Yet there was *plenty* of food to fondly remember, and there’s only so much one can eat. It would have taken us weeks (at least) to hit all of the spots we had our hearts set on. Here is the best of our brief odyssey of Austin food and beyond:
Best BBQ: Franklin BBQ. It just was, sorry. I actually wanted for it not to be so I could be a contrarian and say that Franklin isn’t worth the hype, and don’t waste your time. Nope. Franklin BBQ is an indomitable force worthy of its standing in the Austin BBQ scene until further notice. I may be a central Texas BBQ neophyte, but canny as can be when recognizing talent and quality. This doesn’t diminish the other BBQ we had in any way. It was all terrific, and I think we selected our spots well.
Best Brisket: Franklin BBQ (see above).
Best Ribs: Helberg BBQ. This one was close. We felt like the ribs at all the BBQ spots we tried were excellent. Loved the seasoning best at Distant Relatives, but they lacked that hulking meat profile that Franklin and Helberg possessed. Helberg gets the nod because the ribs were glorious. Perfectly cooked and so moist and tender. No sauce needed. You could pull the bone cleanly out of the meat.
Best Breakfast Tacos: There was some disagreement on this. I thought Miller’s Smokehouse edged out Valentina’s. I tend to judge food based on the feelings I associate with it. I could taste the quality and small-town love in everything at Miller’s. Fresh made tortillas, the richness and flavor of everything. Everyone was very friendly. Just what I hoped to find in small-town Texas. These guys are slappin’ it hard with everything they do.
My buddy gave Valentina’s the nod because “the Real Deal has the tits.” Almost impossible to disagree with that, especially when said taco is rocking a monstrous slab of beautifully smoked and tender brisket. Maybe when it comes to judging tacos, it should be “fuck your feelings and eat.”
Best Tacos: Birotes Tortas Ahogadas. I mean, all the tacos we tried were better than 90 percent of anything you’d find in Oregon. But these stood apart for the incredible explosion of flavor in every bite and just a feeling of having a true food experience.
Best Dessert: (Tie) Banana pudding at Helburg and Jeni’s Ice Cream. Not that there was an overwhelming selection of sweet treats to choose from, but if that banana pudding was sitting on top of a mountain, I’d climb for it. The ice cream at Jeni’s is simply in a league of its own.
Best Side/Snack: Distant Relatives. Those Spicy Smoked Peanuts are irresistible. A very close honorable mention are the Roasted Carrots at Leroy & Lewis. Making a root vegetable this tasty takes some skill.
Best Beer: Blue Owl Brewing. The Tiki Hop Totem Milkshake Sour IPA in particular. There wasn’t really anything we tried anywhere else that stood up to what we had here. This is one of our favorite breweries ever. The Zilker Milk Stout we tried at Cosmic was also noteworthy.
Best Meal: Leroy & Lewis is smokin’ up something extraordinary. I wanted to mention it as best BBQ, but we didn’t try enough of their menu, just the burger, barbacoa and pulled whole hog, so not quite enough of a menu sample to categorize it as best BBQ. Just best damn meal! Because it really was. That burger was unforgettable, and everything they do is sublime (although the mac & cheese was a little underwhelming). The Cosmic Beer Garden is the perfect setting to enjoy such tender loving greatness. Everything about the food here had my full attention.
The worst thing about this trip was leaving. Coming back to Oregon, after having gotten a taste for real Central Texas BBQ and the taco scene, I have insane cravings that I know I can’t adequately satisfy. It’s painful. Any comments or future suggestions are absolutely welcome, as we will be back. I also thought of posting some photos of our food (will do upon request), but given the length of this write-up I decided not to. We loved Austin and Texas. Everything seems bigger and better there, and all expectations we had were blown away. Cheers!

Dear 343 Industries,
It has been a crazy two weeks, hasn't it? Dropping the "beta" on everyone early, that was quite the surprise.
Then some other stuff happened.
Now, what I'm about to lay out is coming from a place of love. I. LOVE. HALO. I've still got my Halo 2 Maptacular Disc, I have the Legendary Editions of Halo 3, Reach, and ODST. I've played an honestly excessive amount of campaign and multiplayer across 5 of the 6 mainline titles. And I've purchased all of these games at least three times now, because I own MCC for both Xbox One and PC, although I no longer have the Xbox One itself, since Halo was the only title that kept me on that platform. So kudos for that business decision. I wrote a poem that was posted on Bungie's website back in the day for some long-passed Bungie Day celebration. And I do understand that 343i is NOT the same company that created more than half of the games I loved so much, I'm simply laying out my Halo credentials so that you understand my significant time, let alone monetary, investment into this franchise.
You are GOING to kill your franchise. This is not hyperbole. This is not me being overly dramatic. This is not some boomer hot take because I don't understand how the gaming industry works in the current year. This is truth.
The complaints, valid or otherwise, about your monetization decisions for the multiplayer elements of Halo Infinite are indicative of the future of your franchise - your baby - if they are not addressed quickly, and with realistic time-frames. This "will be addressed in the coming weeks" will not be met as acceptable, and there are reasons for this. It is because there are already solutions to your dilemma of progression and monetization in your own company's history.
The first thing that I would like to point out is the argument that "servers cost money." This is true, it is well known, and is and understandable reason for monetizing a "Free to Play" game. However, we are ALSO not ignorant to the math associated with this cost. Halo fans are loyal. Put a fair and reasonable Battle Pass in front of them, and they will buy it. Lets say, for the sake of argument, that half of your player base, which at peak was more than 250,000 players simultaneously, purchased the battle pass every season. You're looking at a yearly revenue of $5,000,000. That is an additional $40 per year for ONLY the multiplayer aspect of the game, which, may I remind you, used to be Free (save for Xbox Live Gold costs, which developers certainly cannot be blamed for). This does not even include the one-time cost for the campaign - which is missing features at launch that were included in previous entries ie, campaign co-op - which you are still charging $60 for. We'll leave out the Day-1 Xbox Games Pass argument for the sake of saving us all a headache. So, if again, half of your player base purchases the Campaign, which I find to be a HILARIOUSLY low number, and I think if the game only sold 125,000 units, Microsoft would shutter your studio for good, this is still an additional $7,500,000 which should reasonably be put toward your development costs. So we come to a total of $12,500,000 to recoup the costs of the multiplayer elements alone. For year 1. We're not even considering the probably millions more copies of the campaign that will be sold. This seems like a lot of money, but you're a big studio, got a lot of mouths to feed. So I understand the desire to have more monetization options available. But some of the options in the store are an absolute joke. You really want players to pay $10 so they have little pineapple grenades hanging off their chest? Are you serious about that?
The arguments made about the progression system have nothing at all to do with your fans wanting to put you in the poor house. Like I said, they are loyal. They are vehemently arguing, not to save themselves some money, but to save your ENTIRE studio from making a catastrophic mistake.
There is NO - and let me be perfectly clear on this - NO REASON that some of these features are missing. We know - we can SEE in the game itself - that it does not take weeks to generate a playlist for each gametype. To say so is an insult to the intelligence of all your players. It is, to put it simply, an embarrassment to say otherwise, either from a developmental standpoint, or from a planning standpoint. Because that leads your players to one of two conclusions: either your game is so poorly coded on the back end as to make it impossible to implement these playlists easily and quickly, which I find hard to believe, or that you suffer from such poor foresight as to not know that this is something that your players might want at launch, which I also find to be unlikely. However, these are the only two possible reasons why these won't be implemented at launch. And I would like to give you the benefit of not thinking you would be so foolish as to not understand - with your 20 years of working knowledge of your entire, established fan-base - that this would be unacceptable to most players. That is absurd. Do yourselves a favor - the day before launch, December 7th, currently 3 days from the writing of this post, take the servers down for maintenance. Update playlists for each game type. We do not mind so much that Infection or something like King of the Hill are not there at launch (despite there being what appears to be a playlist image for infection, viewable if your load times are not fantastic - you know that one. The Emile helmet Spartan holding the green sword. That looks an awful lot like an Infection playlist image to me and everyone else who has seen it). What we do mind, and what will make or break the long-term viability of this title, is the level of honesty and willingness to implement change that is so desperately called for and needed. We know you can implement changes quickly - the battle pass progression updates are evidence of this. Now prove that you can do it with the actual game itself. Go. Make the playlists. Put them up as available on Day-1. Prove that you are as willing to care for this game as we were for the last 20 years.
Now, on to the progression system itself. Yes, I understand that it's all cosmetic, so you can keep that argument in your pocket, because I will not be hearing it at all. That is no excuse for the laughable - honestly, INSULTING - progression and customization system that is currently in the game. Whoever at 343i might be reading this, do me a favor: scroll through your own battle pass progression for the game. As if you were a player, and not a developer. Look at everything you have available for you for the price tag of $10, for the battle pass alone. Now tell me, if your child were to approach you and ask for $10 to buy this battle pass, would you think that it was a good deal? Hell, look at it for yourself, and tell me if you think the paltry offerings would be a fair trade for $10. I don't think you do. I think you looked at what you had a year ago, scrapped it, and started over, and this was what you were able to do with only a year to get it all together. Because that is what it looks like. And if that is the case, be honest. Tell us "hey, remember when everyone complained a year ago, and we re-hired Joe Staten to fix our game, and we pushed the release date out by a year to make sure everything was working and beautiful? That's why the pickings are slim." Because your fans would understand. They wouldn't necessarily be happy about it, but they wouldn't be trashing the progression as hard as they have been. And it's not like we don't know what can be done in a few years time. There were 3 years between Halo 3 and Halo: Reach. And Reach had a very similar type of progression system at it's core: play the game, unlock customization. It has been 6 years since Halo 5, and you want us to believe this is the best you could come up with? I don't think so. Something was put in your way - be it a management decision or just a rocky and chaotic development cycle. But you have to be honest about why things are the way they are. You are not some 2-man indie development team. You are an enormous studio with multiple triple-A releases under your belt, owned by one of the biggest tech companies on the planet. You CAN and HAVE done better than this. And you have to do better than this if you want this title to thrive.
Now, this part is pure speculation, so please take it with a grain of salt.
I think these decisions were made far above the heads of anyone working at 343i. I think that someone saw what Fortnite or PUBG or Warzone had done, and wanted in on that action. But Halo is not those games. Halo is Halo. And I gotta tell you, whoever made that decision really needs to take a long, hard look in the mirror and ask themselves if the gaming industry is really where they should be. Because there's only a few things that could be possible at this point, when looking at the launch of this game. These decisions are either made from a point of ignorance, greed, or malice. And I was always told to never ascribe to malice what can be explained with ignorance. So I have to believe that whoever made these decisions did not know what they were doing, and therefore should not be in charge of those decisions. It should be brought to their attention - and I'm sure it has already reached them by now - the colossal mistake they have made.
You have a good game here. It is extremely fun to play. The gun play is good, the vehicles are fun, movement is a blast and my god, no one knew that Halo needed a grappling hook until there was one. I don't think anyone worth listening to is complaining about the gameplay. So why spoil all that hard work with such a terrible system surrounding it? It would be like spending years excavating a priceless collection of ancient vases, and then filming yourself smashing them for youtube views. It's insane.
So please, 343i, I know you're trying. But maybe one of you can bite the bullet, and tell the powers that be that this is a bad series of horrible mistakes, and that maybe next time they should stick to sitting back and collecting their money instead of getting involved with development.
Yours 7ruly,
A fan

Source

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The AMA ended with the following message:

Thanks for a great convo everybody! Really enjoyed your questions. So much talent and intelligence out there. Please drop my my free class on March 21st, I promise to light up your brains and get you inspired to write! Signing off -- Brent

Rows: ~65

Questions	Answers
When a sitcom episode is credited to a single writer, how many writers actually collaborated on the story? What percentage of the story does a writer need to contribute to get writing credit.	In TV comedy, we always write in groups. One writer may come up with the original idea for the story, but every one pitches in --- it's a group effort. We generally assign credit BEFORE the story is written. We take turns writing, and when it' s your turn, you will get to write an episode and get full credit on it --- even if you only contributed a fraction of what finally ends up on screen!
Hey Brent! I’m curious to know what your writing process is. Thank you in advance!	When I'm writing alone, i always start early. Creative energy is high for me in the morning and trails off as the day goes on. Here's a secret: Most writers do no write more than 4 hours a day. If you are really focused, that's quite exhausting.
​	In comedy, feedback is crucial. I do 3 drafts of a script, then show it to friends. After 3 drafts I no longer trust myself to have perspective on my own work.
​	Another key part of my process: I always TELL The story orally, before I start writing. Saves a huge amount of time. A quick reality check to see what's working before you start writing!
Have you heard any updates as to the possible King of the Hill revival? Aging the cast of characters would be a stroke of genius and practically reinvent the show (in an awesome way!)	​I am sure Greg Daniels and Mike Judge will murder me for sharing this but... HELL YES. They are in hot negotiations to bring back King of the Hill. The Trump administration made it suddenly very relevant again. The characters have all aged 15 years. The project is sooooo good. Okay I've said too much :)
What line or lines that made it into the actual episode of a show are you most proud of you wrote, and what line you wrote do you wish had made it into an episode?	The Office, "Phyllis Wedding". Michael makes a wedding toast:
​	MICHAEL: "Websters defines wedding as the coming together of two hot metals in liquid form..."
​	PAM: "Michael I think that was 'welding'"
​	MICHAEL: "Hmmm..."
I'm starting a pilot for a female buddy comedy- a sort of mix of broad city's bff riff and difficult people's snark- if you had to lump it somewhere. I got to audit The Writers Guild class about TV Pilots this winter and 95% of the information was about not being a dick in the writers room and what to do when you get a pitch and how to present your stories in a boardroom and whatnot but there was nothing said or asked about how to get your pilot ideas to the desk of the exact in order to get that pitch meeting in the first place. Nothing about if writers need a manager vs agent and how to figure out which fits best. Any advice on that process? Not that I am anywhere close to presentation status but right now that course is fresh on my mind but it's still feels a tad holey for an aspiring TV writer like me. Also do you have cats?	You are asking all the right questions! How do you get your material into the hands of people who matter??? The short answer is, there is no one way to do it. Every successful TV writer has a different story, and luck often plays a factor. Come to my free class on March 21st and I'll talk more about breaking in. (Go to Brentforrester.com for info)
​	Agents and managers are VERY helpful when it comes to getting your script to the right people. Get one if you can! The best way to do that is to have a writer, actor or producer who is ALREADY represented by an agent REFER you to that agency. That means you have to write a VERY GOOD writing sample, and politely beg people to read it. With a little work, you can make those entry level connections. Just make sure your writing sample is good when you ask someone to read it. People will generally read your script only once! Good luck !!!!
Huge fan of ‘Love’ How was it balancing the humor with the more emotional beats? Was there discussion on how much (or little) to add? Or did you have some wiggle room because it was on Netflix? I’ve found I enjoy comedies that can mix in dramatic moments. Some of my favorite episodes of my favorite sitcoms (the office included) were the more emotional episodes. Just wondered how that’s discussed in the room.	Well, you clearly have good taste :) I have found that the best writers and show creators that I work with are similarly drawn to serious themes, and serious material in comedy. A lot of great comedy writers hate "silly" and especially "artificial" material and go after the darkest, most serious material they can. Greg Daniels (creator of the American "Office") developed a style where serious scenes alternated with comedy scenes. He called it "keeping the hot side hot and the cold side cold." That style works great in my opinion, and is a key to the success of shows like the Office.
the below has been split into two	​
I have 2 questions 1. Do you have any tips for going into this field	There are 2 main paths into a career in TV, what I call the "inside" and the "outside" path. The inside path involves getting a low level job somewhere in the TV industry (an assistant on a TV show, mailroom at a talent agency, etc). Use that job to find connections to the people who are hiring, and when you get a shot, try to get those hirers to read your writing sample. The outside path involves making something on your own (a play, a short film, a web series) that is good enough that it gets the attention of agents and managers, who help you break in. Of course you can do both at the same time!
and 2 what's the biggest difference you had to face with going between cartoon and live action shows?	Biggest difference between animation and live action: In animation it costs nothing to go to space, blow up a battleship, fight a dinosaur.... all things that are too expensive in live action. So go big and use lots of visual gags in animation. Animation is also faster based and more gag heavy: you can't rely on good "acting the way you can in live action
What kind of lemon related research did you for Lemon of Troy?	At the Simpsons, we used to have these elaborate "Story Conferences" where the writers would pitch stories all day to James L Brooks in a suite at Shutters hotel. We would be given a couple days to prepare. I spent both days at the public library, wandering through the books looking for any inspiration at all. I was in the classics section, looking at Greek myths and history, when I came up with the idea for Lemon of Troy, which is obviously based on the myth of the Trojan Horse. I thought it was the perfect framework for an "Epic" story of conflict between Springfield and Shelbyville!
For someone not in LA, where would you recommend starting to pitch my series bible? an agent? Talent lawyer? Somewhere else? Any tips on how to evaluate representation? Thanks!	Agents and managers are the place to start. It's not easy to get representation. Reps generally don't want to take you on until AFTER you start selling material! It's a real Catch 22. But it is possible to get repped. As i mentioned in another reply, the best way to get the attentions of a manager or agent is to have someone ELSE recommend you. When you have a really good writing sample, try to get it to people who are themselves repped at an agency. Have them send your material in with a note saying "Check this writer out!"
I absolutely love Mr. Show! I feel like it's an overlooked comedy series. Any fond memories from writing for that show with Bob Odenkirk & David Cross?	Oh hell yeah. Odenkirk was a FAMOUS comedy writer to all of us young writers, whe he was barely 30 and was a mentor to me. He studied under the great improv teacher Del Close and had tons of wisdom at a young age. David Cross and I shared an office on the Ben Stiller show. Dave was just a comic trying to be a writer, but his talent was explosive. The most fearless guy I ever met. In a fancy restaurant in Hollywood one night, he tapped his glass until everyone went silent in the whole place. Then he sang "Feelings" at full volume until he burst into fake tears. Riveting!!
Hi! I’m new to writing and have been looking online for how to write scripts. the pilots or shows that I’ve been lucky enough to read have words that are in bold, underlined etc. is there a guide to best practices on when to do these types of things? I’m trying to make my specs easy on the eyes. I’ve also noticed that some scripts have a lot of direction and others give the actors a lot of freedom to interpret the words and scene. I think I prefer giving the actors that freedom to interpret the characters but I’m having a hard time having my writing come off as comedy. The situations are funny - but they don’t always read that way, so maybe I do need to put a direction in? Any suggestions?	Leave the stage directions to a minimum. We are looking at your dialog, not your prose writing. Many readers scan those "action" lines so just keep them short. As for directions to the actors (what we call "parentheticals") use them as LITTLE as possible. You are correct that the actors don't want to be told how to read the lines, and it looks unprofessional when you but in "sneakily" or "rolling her eyes" etc.
​	You say you are looking for humor in SITUATIONS. Excellent! That is exactly the way to do it. The "sit" in "sit-com" stands for situation after all. The other part of comedy is CHARACTER. Are your characters BEHAVING in funny ways? Generally this means the character is TRYING TO APPEAR ONE WAY and ACTUALLY COMING ACROSS THE OPPOSITE. The girl who is trying to appear smart but making a fool of herself. The guy who thinks he is coming across super-sexy but is actually coming across weird, etc. Trust in situation and character and you will find the funny?
Where can I submit my screenplays to review at? I have a couple of scripts short and full. Mostly suspense, drama, and action.	If I were you I would cold call agencies that represent writers and see if you can find someone who will take a look. Be polite and be prepared for a lot of "no"s. Agencies can be snooty and cruel. But have a thick skin and see if you get lucky!
Hi, I'm 14 years old and very interested in screenwriting. Do you have any advice for younger people like me who are genuinely interested in screenwriting as a career.	Hey buddy, you are clearly much more talented than I was at your age! I did not even start WATCHING TV until after I graduated from college. My advice to you: Try writing SHORT material first. Screenplays are really long. But SKETCHES (like you see on Saturday Night Live) are short, and easy to finish. You will have more fun and develop faster if you get in the habit of writing some short stuff that you can finish and show to your friends, family, etc.
​	Get involved with the THEATER DEPARTMENT and the FILM DEPARTMENT at your school. Make friends with the other kids who share your passion and MAKE short films! So many successful writers and directors started that way.
​	I'm really excited for you, because you are starting so young! Find the other kids who are passionate about film making like you are, team up with them and make great stuff!!! I believe in you 100%. :)
For a person who is trying to break in from the outside, how many samples would you recommend having in your portfolio before you start querying managers? Thanks so much!	2 samples is all you need. Nobody will read more than 2 scripts so that's all you need. But in order to have 2 good scripts you will need to write many more. When I was trying to break in, the conventional wisdom was, you had to write 5 scripts before you had one that was good enough. Remember this: People will generally read your material ONCE. You may not get a second read! So make sure your spec scripts rock before you show them to a good connection. How do you know if your script rocks? Give it to your friends! Give it to your dad. When the people around you say your script rocks, its ready to pass on to a connection.
What are your favourite TV shows at the moment?	I like "What We Do in the Shadows." Enjoyed "Dirtbag." And a friend just turned me onto "Garth Marengi's Darkplace." Check that one out for sure! A couple of English guys from Cambridge having some fun with that one.
What's the worst Office spec script you've ever read?	On the Simpsons we got unsolicited specs all the time. 100% of them were insane.
​	On the Office we never got any. I think NBC was afraid of getting sued. We were told by the NBC lawyers that if anyone ever came up to us at a party and said "I have an idea for an Office episode" we were to put our fingers in our ears and say "No No No!' three times loudly. A real formula for popularity at parties...
the below has been split into four	​
Hey, I took your class and have a couple of questions 1. I’m thinking of writing a pilot about 13 year old during bar mitzvah season and the stress of being a middle schooler, any thoughts on how to make it good?	1) I like the premise! Be observational. Use real details, things you've seen and heard, characters you have observed. The feeling of AUTHENTICITY is always gold. We can rarely make stuff up that is as good as what the real world provides.
2. I wrote another pilot (which was evaluated by someone from your team) and didn’t get a ton of feedback about the idea of the main character’s conscience being a separate character, any thoughts on that idea?	2) Hmm, that's an interesting idea intellectually. But in my experience, the best material involves flesh and blood characters interacting. The character of the "conscience" may be too bloodless and abstract for the reader. A similar idea seemed to work on "Insde Out' but maybe it helped to make the "abstact" psychological characters animated. Check out the old show "Herman's Head" for an example of the same concept gone wrong.
3. I’m writing a more modern version of the breakfast club. How do movies get produced and made?	3) How do movies get produced and made. No easy answer there. I think your best move is to try and get an agent or manager to help you navigate the biz. To get representation, you will need a good writing sample. And try to find someone connected to an agency who will read your writing and call the agency on your behalf.
4. What was your favorite episode of the office (one that you wrote and one that you didn’t)	​4) Some many great ones. "Dinner Party" has a lot of fans. "Diversity Day" was the one that put the show on the map. "Business School" is the best one that I wrote. I just re-watched "Did I Stutter" and really enjoyed it! That was the break out episode for the character of Stanley!
If we want to write workplace comedies, what are your top recommended workplace comedies to watch and study (other than “The Office” of course)?	Larry Sanders is he one that all the tastemakers refer to as the gold standard of workplace comedy. Notice the "naturalistic" tone of the show. It so different from the "sitcommy" (read: "artificial") feel of most comedies of its time.
​	The tastemakers I know also worship James L Brooks. Look at Taxi and Mary Tyler Moore. The "Chuckles the Clown" scene in Mary Tyler Moore (youtube it) was considered the best scene ever shot in TV, when I was first getting into the biz :)
An agent read my pilot and said it was a great sample to get staffed as a comedy writer on a show ... but ... how does one actually go about doing that? Currently trying to get hired as an assistant anywhere. Thanks for all of your work over the years. "Lemon of Troy" always makes me smile.	Agents are the best resource you have when it comes to getting staffed. If the agent who liked your script is not ready to rep you, see if they will pass your material on to another agent!
When writing comedy, do the jokes just come naturally as you bounce the characters dialogue/personality against each other, or do you take time to think of jokes, then base the dialogue around that?	Most comedy writers start out by writing the scenes fairly "straight" --- in other words they write them like it's drama and don't worry about the jokes. If funny lines pop up along the way that's great, but the first priority is to get the main content of the scene down on paper. Now go back and "punch up." Find more colorful ways of saying the straight lines. Find little riffs and digressions that amuse you. Much of the punch up process is TRIAL AND ERROR. You have the straight version of the scene. Now PLAY! Goof around with some of the dialog and see where it gets you. The punch up process can seem a little messy and imprecise, but that's how the pros do it!
I see you write for the Simpsons, does that mean you can tell the future?	Weird isn't it, how many predictions from Simpsons episodes came true? Including the presidency of Donald Trump! But I will tell you the secret there. There have been 500 episodes of the Simpsons. That is a HUGE amount of material. Just by pure coincidence and sheer numbers, SOME of the things we predicted came true. But many many more things did not come true. It's just statistics, sadly. Not magic :)
​	Thanks for being a fan, you obviously have good taste!
Are you still working on that feature The Low Self Esteem of Lizzie Gillespie with Mindy Kaling? It sounded so promising	That script remains one of my favorite collaborations. Please ping Mindy on social media and make her dust that one off. She has a production company now, the time has come!
So what's it like working for Disney after the buy out? Has anything changed?	I haven't noticed any changes, but I am insulated inside writers rooms, with limited contact with the execs on a daily basis. I imagine that's true of most writers rooms. The execs give input on a script at the outline stage, and when a draft comes in, but the writers sit with the script 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. So despite their fiinancial power and authority over the writers, the execs really have limited creative input. Mostly they tell you what NOT to do, and little else :)
Do you think it's better for an unknown to write to market trends or try to develop their own niche?	All the best writers and artists I know are PASSIONATE about sticking to their own ideas, their own voice. This has been true of all art forms forever! Be as true as you can be to your voice, even if it sounds like nothing else out there! That's the stuff that gets people's attention! Good luck, artist :)
When you were first starting out how did you meet the right people who would then eventually listen to you as you sat in a room and pitched to them? What advice would you recommend to stand out in an email when sending an agent work even when they don't accept unsolicited material? You've been very successful as a writer for hit shows, however would you have been satisfied writing for soaps? (Most day to days writers in the UK write for soaps I've found) I'm a writer based in Scotland so meeting people in the industry can be hard because it's so small and can feel pretty exclusive at times unless you are so so's butcher who can get you an email. Thanks doing this AMA! Looking forward to everyones Qs	Keep your unsolicited emails SHORT and polite. Better than an email from you is an email from someone else recommending you. Can you find someone who is connected to the agencies, who will read your work and recommend you to an agent?
​	Is there a local theater community where you live? Can you connect with the actors there? Can you write something short and "put it on its feet?" My friend Mindy Kaling broke into TV by writing a 2 person play called "Matt and Ben" that she acted in with her friend Brenda. It was funny and got the attention of some managers, and she broke in overnight!
​	If you can produce something simple and FUNNY (assuming comedy is your medium) you can film it on your phone and send it around.... Honestly this is the way enterprising artists break into the biz ALL THE TIME! Good material stands out, even when it is ultra low budget. Long story short: be a little innovative, be persistant and MAKE GOOD STUFF. The world is ALWAYS looking for new good stuff!!
​	Good luck my Scottish friend!!
Here's a q, how many people ask you to read their spec scripts?	(I answered this, but not sure it went through, so answering again)
​	I am constantly getting asked to read scripts. It kills me, because I don't have time to do it but I remember how vital it is to get feedback when you're a young writer. So last year I had a eureka moment and created a script reading service. I trained some hot shot young readers to evaluate scripts according to an 8 point system that reflects what I'm looking for when i read a script. Out of every 50 scripts submitted, I personally took the TOP TWO highest scoring scripts and read them myself, giving feedback in a webinar to all 50 "contestants" online. It went great! I was able to give writers a lot of value for very little money. And as a bonus I hooked up the top 2 writers with agents! If you are interested in this kind of thing, go to my website Brentforrester.com. I'll be doing it again soon.
Hey Brent, love all these shows. do you have any wisdom for a college student to get where you are?	Check out my free class online March 21st (go to Brentforrester.com for info) and I will talk about breaking into the biz among other things.
​	There are many different paths to a career in TV but they all have one thing in common. You have to have a WRITING SAMPLE that rocks. This is just an episode of TV that you write without intending to sell, just to show off your skills. You can write an original pilot or a fake episode of an existing show. Then you need to get that "spec" script into the hands of someone who is hiring writers. The process of networking and looking for your break can take years and often demands a lot of psychological endurance. But with patience and luck you can break in. Just remember it all starts with that great spec script!
Hey Brent! I’m an actress and I haven’t been able to book a break out role yet so I decided to write an original pilot script. I’m not necessarily a person with much clout but it’s a pretty decent script and my agent said she would forward it to the literary department of my agency. Can a relatively unknown person like myself get their script produced from having a good acting background with a solid script? Ps— thank you for doing this!	Yes, it is always possible for a first time writer to get a show produced! Generally what happens is, the network will pair you with a veteran writer to help you run the show. But getting your show sold is not the only good thing that come of writing an original pilot. Much more likely is for your pilot to serve as a writing sample that gets you hired as a staff writer on someone elses show. There you can make some money, and learn the craft from the inside as you rise up the ranks. Good luck! I hope to work for you some day :)
In telling a story is emotion more important than story? Do you think the majority of what’s funny comes from character or what the writer is emotional about/wrestling with or does something else lend itself to great comedy? Hope this question made sense. And your shows are amaaaaaaaazing. Thanks!	Your question is great, and tells me you are already a talented writer. My friend Judd Apatow has one mantra that guides him in all writing projects: FOLLOW ThE EMOTION. Much more important than cleverness is feeling. Heart beats head any day!
​	My original mentor Susan Harris (creator of the Golden Girls) said: "Write about what is difficult for you, even painful and trust that it will come out funny." That's still the best piece of advice I ever got in comedy.
​	I will have a lot to say about comedy writing at my FREE CLASS on March 21st. Definitely check it out. Brentforrester.com for info. Good luck Writer!
What TV show that you haven't worked on (either old or still airing) would you love to have written an episode for? Also just want to say my siblings and I quote Homerpalooza all the time. Like, a concerning amount.	A lot of that stuff in Homerpalooza is autobiographical. I walked around Lollapalooza with a little tape recorder taking notes, and a stoned dude came up to me and said "What are you recording there NARC?" :) The most legendary writing staffs that I would have loved to be on:
​	Staff of Sid Caesars Show of Shows (Mel Brooks, Carl Reiner, Larry Gelbart, Woody Allen, etc)
​	MASH
​	Roseanne (the original)
​	Saturday Night Live season one
What last caused you incontinence while laughing?	When Ace Ventura Pet Detective first came out, I saw it in the theater, and the opening sequence where Jim Carrey walks down the street as a UPS delivery guy, intentionally dropping and kicking a package --- the energy was so hilarious I fell out of my seat.
​	However, the truth is I rarely laugh out loud. When I do laugh out loud I make a point of writing down the joke, or the moment and trying to analyze it. That has always been the key to my success as a comedy writer; notice when you laugh, write it down, analyze.
Hi Brent! I'm still getting my feet as a storyteller. I worked on extremely high-concept novels as a teenager along with some really pretentious poems on the side - and now that I'm attempting to tackle storytelling as not only an art of expression but an art of mastery, I'm finding it hard to pin myself down. I know everything that works for me when it comes to the creative process... thank god, but what I'm having trouble with is carving out a niche, so to speak. One week I'll be writing a surrealist Kaufman-esque dramedy and the next a John Wick rip off, only to become obsessed with horror, so I spend a month making a short horror film that falls through because oh yeah I don't have the money for any of the special effects I want. My first question is this: how do you lock down a 'niche', and if you don't recommend doing so, what do you think is the best genre to put forward - one that would maximize potential exposure - since I'm kinda doing all of them right now? I live in rural New England and my best course of action is producing shorts that get attention, as far as I see it. My second question is: my interest of the month is sitcoms. Now, I work in a grocery store. I have not seen a good store-based sitcom in my entire life. If you know of any I can shamelessly copy, that would be awesome. My inspiration for such a sitcom being that I had not one but two old ladies pretend to trip and grab my buttocks, squeeze, then blow kisses in one day. Within an hour I was named "Chapo two-cheeks" by my supervisor and it spread throughout the store. I get back from a thirty minute late forty minute wait for my taco bell lunch, and suddenly my name is "Chapo Two-Cheeks". Multiple male coworkers pretend to trip and grab me. I have familiar customers asking me "how's it hangin', two cheeks?" The day ends with a manager high fiving me for the action I got before my female coworkers showered me in "oh how horrible for you" shows of support. Straight out of a sitcom. I needed to write it, and so I did. I feel that I could create something at least okay with anything remotely this absurd, so... how do you workshop spec scripts and series ideas/bibles around to people who have no experience, considering I'm a complete outsider to the business and the only people that want to read anything I write are friends and family? And furthermore, is it even worth it to work on such an idea? Will it hold any water with producers or agents or networks? Optional satire question (except for my praises about The Office; that show is the Jaws of monotony-based sitcoms): I am wording this to sound like Dwight Schrute as a remorseless psychological tactic to appear more friendly and familiar. What's your favorite episode of the office? Do I have a soul or am I just creating one that appeals to the masses? The office had a real soul. That's rare. To be born (by Brent) is to have a soul I guess. Thanks! SATIRE EDIT: Would you mind taking a look at my 5 hour feature screenplay that I wrote - BEFORE ARI ASTER SAID HE WAS GONNA DO IT GIVE ME ROYALTIES NOW NOW NOW I WANT THEM NOW - on my dad's yacht when I was twelve and still boast about in my mid-twenties whenever people ask what my hobbies are because I have none other than beer pong and ding-dong ditching my rich neighbor Rich's house? Thanks! It's a first draft, written on yacht-napkins because I heard Sorkin did that once and I wanna grow up just like him!	I love your passion for the craft! Don't worry about changing genres, that just means you are abundantly creative. It sounds like you are thining of writing and shooting material that you put online ---- that is a really good instinct. In order to do this, you need to connect with good ACTORS. Find the theater community in your area and see if you can make some connections with talent that inspires you. This will also keep you from getting isolated (always a danger for writers). Remember if you do manage to put some good original stuff online, there are literally people whose job it is to find you. If you create quality they will come! Good luck Artist!
Hi Brent, my name is Scott, and I'm an aspiring screenwriter. I tend to write adaptations, or original ideas based on existing content. An idea I had floating around in my head since 2013 was a song-to-screen adaptation of Rush's song 2112 off the album of the same name. What advice can you give for something like that?	Your idea sounds original, and you are clearly inspired to bring it to life. I always encourage people to go for it, when they are gripped by any artistic passion! So I hope you will try writing something and bringing your vision to life.
​	A couple thoughts: the market for original screenplays ebbs and flows. The market peaked somewhere in the 90's or early 00's and has cooled off --- the market is saturated with movies based on action comics and young adult novels. Consider writing your "spec" script as something that could be sold to streaming (Netflix, Hulu, etc) and you'll find a wider audience. And when you have something that you like, reach out to the band themselves and see if you can get them into it. That would make for an interesting and valuable "attachment" for sure;
​	Scott I answered this but I think it popped up in the wrong window. My advice to you is to follow your inspiration on this --- you have an original idea, and you are passionate about. You owe it to yourself to try putting something on paper. Be aware that the market for original screenplays has cooled off in the last decade or so (the market is dominated by movies based on action comics and young adult novels) but there is growing market in movies for streaming: Netflix, Hulu, etc. Keep your budget low and your script will be more attractive. And when you have a script you like, try to get it to Rush! If they dig it, that's a very exciting "attachment" when you go to sell it!
Looking for an assistant or know someone in the industry who is? :D I'm graduating college in May, run a screenwriting club, have office/set PA experience, and have done all the typical receptionist/office duties. Just looking to absorb all the secondhand info I can. :D :D	You are smart to start sniffing around for those assistant gigs. That's a great way to get your foot in the door. Use your school's alumni network to make connections. Be polite, show some hustle, and stick with it. I have high hopes that you'll find something!
Also- do you know rive marker in nyc at all? I'm a playwright just starting in tv and I have something that I'd love to get to her because it's everything nine stories looks for in stage shows. (No hyperbole or back patting, it's a serious play that ends with what I hope will be a conversation about #metoo and open discussions about abuse and what we can all do to stop or at least recognize abusive relationships using sarcasm and shock as the vehicle- roughly 25 mins)	​I do not now Rive Marker, but I hope you are able to get your material to them. Established writers are always a bit skittish about solicitations from the outside, but if you can find a way to do it politely and sincerely, you have a shot. Everyone who is successful remembers being on the "outside" and most of us are happy to help artists who are looking for help.... as long as you don't seem too weird and stalkery :)
[deleted]	Much more common than selling your script is using your script as a writing sample to get you staffed on someone else's show. Most people who break into TV writing do in fact move to LA. But the pandemic has changed everything. We are all writing remotely on zoom now. I think the future is going to involve writers dispersed all over the globe, rather than silo-ed in offices in Burbank.
​	You obviously have some passion for this craft. Maybe you should see what you can get done in your home city for now. Connect with the local theater community there. Meet actors. Shoot stuff and put it online. You can follow your passion without moving to LA, and if you start to make headway, you can always move out to LA-LA land later.

Mango Home is a newly founded online literary magazine that hopes to cultivate a space for AAPI writers to freely and safely express their own stories and experiences.
In light of recent times with the uptick of hatred and violence, our communities, our cultures, and our identities do not deserve to be ridiculed or silenced. Growing up in a society that deems actions of racism towards our people and ourselves as dismissable, we are so often misrepresented, joked about, hyperbolized, and/or villainized in public and private conversations. Mango Home wishes to challenge these norms and instead, allow our very own to take control of their personal narratives.
We are here.
We are seen.
Expected to launch its first issue in Spring of 2021, Mango Home is currently accepting submissions from any and all AAPI writers.
We accept submissions in fiction, creative nonfiction, poetry, screenplays.
Please note that although this is an online-only publication, we have put in place the following limitations on each submission:
Each writer may only submit up to 2 pieces under their name, regardless of genre.
Fiction, creative nonfiction, and screenplay submissions must not exceed 10 pages - please indicate if your submission is only a portion of a much longer piece.
Poetry must not exceed 5 pages - please indicate if your submission is a portion of a much longer poem.
If you are interested in being considered for online publication, please send your submission to [mangohomepublications@gmail.com](mailto:mangohomepublications@gmail.com) with your full name, a brief description about yourself (where you’re from, your experiences in writing, why you write, your family, education, etc.), and your written work attached as a word document.
Thank you so much in advance for being part of the safe space we hope to create and for allowing us to elevate the talents of those in our community!

Unless you want to accumulate a long list of examples of Oddity’s acts of corruption and depredation, this letter may become a bit monotonous. However, I clearly do hope you read it all the way through because Oddity is the Grand High Pooh-Bah of Miserabilism. The key point of the following exposition is that I often see discourteous incubi calling evil good and good evil. Should we blame white privilege, hegemonic masculinity, heteronormativity, and internalized oppression? No, we should blame Oddity because some people claim that Oddity is purposely hastening society’s quiescence to moral pluralism and epistemological uncertainty. Others allege that it does do only inadvertently. Whether its actions are intentional or unintentional, the reality remains the same: Oddity’s refrains are an icon for the deterioration of the city, for its slow slide into crime, malaise, and filth. There is no inconsistency here; I have read Oddity’s tracts. I don’t even want to repeat what’s in them, they’re so scornful and confrontational. They’re dripping with so much hatred, so much immoralism, so many cusses, that all I can say is that it’s possible that demagogism represents a hectoring form of divide-and-conquer. However, I cannot speculate about that possibility here because I need to devote more space to a description of how when I was growing up, we were taught that one should always try to encourage opportunity, responsibility, and community. Nowadays, it seems that more and more kids are being taught that Oddity’s confederation consists entirely of lovable, cuddly people who would never dream of doing anything and everything needed to further Oddity’s captious cause. You can thank Oddity for this vagarious pedagogical viewpoint, especially given that its behavior might be different if it were told that it bases its memoirs on the belief that it has an independent mind, rigorous intellect, impeccable credentials, and a record of excellence and integrity. Of course, as far as Oddity is concerned, this fact will fall into the category of, My mind is made up; don’t confuse me with the facts. That’s why I’m telling you that even if one is opposed to power-hungry allotheism (as I am) then, surely, when I first heard that there exists a fusty blatherskite who has been guaranteeing the destruction of anything that looks like a vital community, I was totally bumfuzzled. Who could be so pernicious, so deficient in human grace, as to do such a thing? After learning that Oddity was the bigoted pifflehead in question, I realized that you don’t need me to tell you that Oddity has been deluding people into believing that its competitors are aligned with very dark and malevolent fourth-dimensional aliens known as Draconians. Don’t let it delude you, too.For the record, Oddity frequently avers its support of democracy and its love of freedom. But one need only look at what Oddity is doing—as opposed to what it is saying—to understand its true aims. I, not being an iconoclastic Bolshevik, would fain follow through on the critical work that has already begun but I’m a bit worried that Oddity will retaliate by rubbing salt into our wounds. I’m worried because it is willing to promote truth and justice when it’s convenient. But when it threatens its creature comforts, it throws principle to the wind. Although theoretical differences can be drawn between its stiff-necked, namby-pamby traducements and repressive, merciless unilateralism, these are distinctions without a difference.A Longfellow poem asserts that, Whom the gods would destroy they first make mad. Not only is Oddity mad, but its current aspiration is to make our country spiritually blind. I’d call that the most ungrateful idea in Oddity’s long history of ungrateful ideas. It’s the sort of idea that draws attention to how it has transitioned its association of unbridled renegades from a collection of irrational, morally questionable sewer rats who were picked last for high-school sports teams to a trained guerrilla force with cool uniforms. Irrational, morally questionable sewer rats love cool uniforms. Regardless, Oddity has compiled an impressive list of grievances against me. Not only are all of these grievances completely fictitious, but Oddity, like many other homicidal, batty liars and cheats, has joined in with the chorus of furies who have been tearing away at the remains of rationality since the dawn of Derrida. Do I blame society for this? No, I blame Oddity.The key point here is that Oddity would have us cultivate an unhealthy sense of victimhood. May God, in his restraining mercy, forbid that we should ever do this most short-sighted and truculent thing! In a sense, Oddity focuses on feelings rather than facts. Sure, it attempts to twist and distort facts to justify its feelings, but that just goes to show that I recently received quite a bit of flak from the local commentariat for reporting that the drivel emanating freely from Oddity’s offices gives me cause to reach for the nearest vomit pail. The criticism I received is surprising because I was merely pointing out what is generally accepted, that if Leninism were an Olympic sport, Oddity would clinch the gold medal.Oddity’s bait-and-switch tactics don’t accomplish anything useful because they don’t deal with the real issue. The real issue is that Oddity apparently wants to use us to fulfill its carnaptious mission. That’s clear. But if Oddity’s thinking were cerebral rather than glandular, it wouldn’t consider it such a good idea to shift our society from a culture of conscience to a culture of consensus. Any meaningful analysis of the situation must allow for the fact that its previous favorite activity was to commit all sorts of mortal sins—not to mention an uncountable number of venial ones. It has since upped its game to include turning over our country to disrespectful perverts. This shows how Oddity is always probing, pushing, trying to see what it can get away with, how far it can go, how much the system will tolerate. We mustn’t let it get away with any more and instead must enable patriots to use their freedoms to save their freedoms. The significance of doing so is that its spinmeisters are everywhere. They’re hiding in our schools, in positions of government, and at our places of work. They’re coming for you, for me, and for anyone else who wants to sway people toward the realization that Oddity thinks that ethical responsibility is merely a trammel of earthbound mortals and should not be required of a demigod like it. This is complete—or at least, incomplete—baloney. For instance, Oddity fails to mention that contrary to my personal preferences, I’m thinking about what’s best for all of us. My conclusion is that what’s best for all of us is for me to point out that you might have heard the story that Oddity once agreed to help us highlight all of the problems with its unstable methods of interpretation. No one has located the document in which Oddity said that. No one has identified when or where Oddity said that. That’s because it never said it. As you might have suspected, Oddity says it’s going to make higher education accessible only to those in the higher echelons of society sometime soon. Is it out of its mind? The answer is fairly obvious when you consider that conspiracy theories are its bread and butter, and the wilder, the better. Oddity’s most outré claim is that its doctrines won’t be used for political retribution. This claim sets a new standard for illogical spittle-flecked rants and shows how Oddity professes there should be a companion statue to the Statue of Liberty in New York Harbor called the Statue of Nosism. The inscription on its base will include the following motto: Give me your infantile, your gormless, your neurotic sectarians yearning to scrawl pro-phallocentrism graffiti over everything, and so forth; you get the point. As silly as such a statue may be, it is nevertheless the case that Oddity uses smear words, shaming tactics, shout-downs, intimidation, and violence to prevent its condemners from being heard. I will now cite the proof of that statement. The proof begins with the observation that all of the claims I’ve read regarding the benefits of Oddity’s principles have been absolutely premature. That is, they always seem to be based on an inadequate exploration of these principles, their history, and their possible meanings. I proclaim it is therefore high time we restore the temple of our civilization to the ancient truths. Let me start the ball rolling with the observation that Oddity argues that I am contumelious for wanting to fight resistentialism in all its crapulous forms. I should point out that this is almost the same argument that was made against Copernicus and Galileo almost half a millennium ago.Oddity has only one goal: to distort and trivialize the debate surrounding Junkerism. In a heartbeat, is it going to bully people who want a better future and intimidate them out of forging a bright, new future? Well, as Bob Dylan sang, You don’t need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows. In other words, it’s pretty clear that Oddity has been trying desperately hard to make the case that a totalitarian dictatorship is the best form of government we could possibly have. Sorry, Oddity, but I must respectfully disagree. My counterargument is that I have been brave enough to take action. The sarcasm of some and jeers of others that I’ve heard in response show only to what extent courage has become a rare commodity. Although the sarcasm and jeers originate primarily from illiterate killjoys, it’s Oddity’s deep-seated belief that cell-phone towers are in fact covert mind-control devices that use scalar waves to beam images into people’s brains while they sleep. Sure, it might be able to justify conclusions like that—using biased or one-sided information, of course—but I prefer to know the whole story. In this case, the whole story is that Nature is a wonderful teacher. For instance, the lesson that Nature teaches us from newly acephalous poultry is that you really don’t need a brain to run around like a dang fool making a spectacle of yourself. Nature also teaches us that some of Oddity’s stalwarts were kind enough to provide a locus classicus for Oddity’s intentions. They wrote, Oddity told us that what it wants more than anything else is to keep essential documents hidden from the public until they become politically moot. I don’t know about you, but that tells me that I can guarantee the readers of this letter that Oddity swears that violence directed at its revilers is morally justified. Despite the emphasis that it places on that asseveration, we all know that it’s a willful, malicious, and deliberate lie that serves only to prove that I can say one thing about Oddity. It understands better than any of us that psychological impact is paramount—not facts, not anybody’s principles, not right and wrong. I’m not suggesting that we behave likewise. I’m suggesting only that Oddity would have us believe that it understands the difference between civilization and savagery. Yeah, right. And I also suppose that all major world powers are controlled by a covert group of insiders? The fact of the matter is that its brand of Zendicism focuses on granting more power to yellow-bellied anarchists regardless of the implication for others. Oddity-inspired Zendicism further advocates that these folks use their newly attained power for good or evil as they individually decide. I reject this and every other form of Zendicism because I perpetually learn of new disasters caused by Oddity and its incendiarism movement. Here’s what we know as of today: It has little regard for due process and the rule of law. I need not expatiate on the conclusions to be drawn from that, but I will say that Oddity has delivered exactly the opposite of what it had previously promised us. Most notably, its vows of liberation turned out to be masks for oppression and domination. And, almost as troubling, Oddity’s vows of equality did little more than convince people that I avouch that we must not miss our chance to address the continued social injustice shown by intemperate curmudgeons. Yes, I know that a lot of furacious fatheads will scoff at that. They have every right; it’s a free country. However, they should realize that for us in these times, to even have hope is too abstract, too detached, too spectatorial. Instead we must be a hope, a participant, and a force for good as we contain the pungent stench of general immorality and depravity emanating from Oddity’s absolutism squad. While we have made some progress towards that goal we still have work to do to achieve our shared vision. I am therefore stating for the record that Oddity is seeking approval to focus too much on one side of the equation and not enough on the broader perspective of things. We must not give in, in particular because every time it utters or writes a statement that supports oligarchism—even indirectly—it sends a message that laws are meant to be broken. I maintain that we mustn’t let it make such statements, partly because we have been under a full-bore, nonstop assault from it and its cultists for quite some time, but primarily because I, speaking as someone who is not a blinkered present-day robber baron, normally prefer to listen than to speak. I would, however, like to remind Oddity that the time for empty talk is over. Now arrives the hour of swaying people toward the realization that all options are on the table for enhancing people’s curiosity, critical acumen, and aesthetic sensitivity. In the presence of high heaven and before the civilized world I therefore assert that society must soon decide either to create bridges between marginalized people and then extensions outward to broader constituencies or else to let Oddity turn the social order upside-down so that the dregs on the bottom become the scum on the top. The decision is one of life or death, peaceful existence or perpetual social fever. I can hope only that those in charge realize that I’m sticking out my neck a bit in talking about Oddity’s capilotades. It’s quite likely it will try to retaliate against me for my telling you that many people are now convinced that it finds enemies everywhere. I can’t comment on that, but I can say that we ought to ponder the lessons and examples of the 19th century’s abolitionist movement. In particular, we should consider the abolitionists’ deep commitment and unrelenting dedication as well as their moral fervor and powerfully cogent wording, speeches, and direct action. I, not being a disorderly backbiter, propose we expand upon those and make the associated lessons and guidelines usable in today’s world, emphasizing that a few years ago, Oddity made a name for itself by publicly and blatantly ignoring compromise and focusing solely on its personal agenda. Since then, its name has been synonymous with irritating hucksterism. What you might not know, however, is that Oddity has been trying to convince us that mediocrity and normalcy are ideal virtues. This pathetic attempt to create a factitious demand for its disruptive, unmannerly ideologies deserves no comment other than to say that we must rouse people’s indignation at Oddity. Those who claim otherwise do so only to justify their own unenlightened expedients.So what are the facts and what is the truth about Oddity? The most important fact is that it will see to it that all patriotic endeavors are directed down blind alleys where they end in frustration and discouragement in the not-too-distant future. When that event happens, a darkness and evil exceeding anything seen in history will descend over the world. I can hope only that before it does, people will put to rest splenetic and dotty imprecations such as Oddity’s. Only then can we spread the word that it is as obvious as the nose on your face that there is considerable evidence to show that Oddity is serious about wanting to provide cover for a socially inept, inhumane agenda. I fail to grasp why Oddity has so much difficulty understanding that. Perhaps it’s because if it doesn’t like it here, then perhaps it should go elsewhere.Last I checked, what Oddity is doing is not an innocent, recreational sort of thing. It is a criminal activity; it is an immoral activity; it is a socially destructive activity; and it is a profoundly sniffish activity. I see two problems with Oddity’s jeers on a very fundamental level. First, we have an incredible, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to prevent its tyrannous, fatuitous ideas from spreading like a malignant tumor. And second, it has been trying to trick people into believing that everyone and everything discriminates against it—including the writing on the bathroom stalls. Apparently, it has succeeded beyond its wildest dreams with louche spouters; they’re now fully convinced that unfounded attacks on character, loads of hyperbole, and fallacious information are the best way to make a point.While everybody believes in something, Oddity’s simple faith in parochialism will undoubtedly fund, assemble, and train morally crippled urban guerrillas to conscript traditional academic disciplines into the service of mandarinism and its ideological variants. Oddity’s convoluted form of expression not only fails to lend credibility to its views but also fails to contradict my views. It is unclear whether this is because Oddity formulates its wisecracks in a precarious latticework between the ingordigious and the egocentric, because Oddity’s vicegerents live not by rational discussion but by mindless slogans, or a combination of the two. Call me crazy, but I’m beginning to think that Oddity managed to convince a bunch of vapid fefnicutes to help it separate people from their roots and cut their bonds to their natural communities. What was the quid pro quo there? I have searched numerous sources for answers to that question. No two sources seem to agree on any given point except for one, that I deeply believe that it’s within our grasp to break the spell of great expectations that now binds pathological stirrers to Oddity. Be grateful for this first and last tidbit of comforting news. The rest of this letter will center around the way that it believes that its god is more caring and compassionate than your god, and to prove it, Oddity’s god wants it to curry favor with sadistic scum using a barrage of flattery, especially recognition of their value, their importance, their educational mission, and other maladroit, miserable nonsense. Yeah, that makes sense. Next, Oddity will be telling us that at birth every living being is assigned a celestial serial number or frequency power spectrum.While Oddity has a right to its opinion, if anyone should propose a practical scheme for showing it how it is as wrong as wrong can be, I should be quite disposed to incur almost any degree of expense to accomplish that object. In the meantime, let me point out that Oddity asserts that hanging out with the most uncongenial, squalid jihadists there are is a wonderful, culturally enriching experience. Despite the fact that this narrative has become common belief among Oddity’s intimates, it requires countless illogical contortions to conclude that it’s true. Just for fun, let’s document how someone might arrive at such a conclusion. First, one might have heard Oddity say that the rules don’t apply to it. Second, one might never have learned the truth about how if you think that this is humorous or exaggerated, you’re wrong. Finally, in case you missed it, what I’ve really been alluding to in this letter is a queasy combination of revolting incompetence, base insidiousness, cronyism, and ignorance. All of these characteristics are embodied in Oddity, and they all make a strong statement about how Oddity has been coercing college professors into peddling propaganda and imposing orthodoxies instead of stimulating free inquiry.

I, speaking as someone who is not an anal-retentive, neo-satanic schlump, am going to make this short but sweet: Oddity’s anhedonic view of life leads it to identify political and religious groups that are its political enemies and re-label them as crapulous, obtrusive heinsbies in order to justify operations against them. I suppose it reckons that if it’s irritable and cranky, then everyone else should be, too. The sad thing about that is that Oddity says that power, politics, and privilege should prevail over the rule of law. That’s a stupid thing to say. It’s like saying that its vices are the only true virtues. So, without further ado, I present you with this all-important piece of information: It is naïve to expect its coterie to drift naturally toward some sort of moral center. It will not. It has not. And, as we all know, it is almost funny (but is actually rather scary) to see how far Oddity will go to enact new laws forcing anyone who’s not one of its functionaries to live in an environment that can be described, at best, as contemptuously tolerant. The mere mention of that fact guarantees that this letter will never get published in any mass-circulation periodical over which Oddity has any control. But that’s inconsequential because prudence is no vice. Cowardice—especially Oddity’s imprudent form of it—is. Please let me explain that one of the great mysteries of modern life is, Why can’t we all just get along? Many people consider that question irrelevant on the grounds that whenever Oddity wants to convince someone that the government (and perhaps it itself) should have sweeping powers to arrest and hold people indefinitely on flimsy grounds, it turns instinctively to long words and exhausted idioms, like a cuttlefish spurting out ink. These words and idioms are intended to distract the listener from noticing that Oddity’s intent is to prevent us from asking questions. It doesn’t want the details checked. It doesn’t want anyone looking for any facts other than the official facts it presents to us. I wonder if this is because most of its facts are false.What makes Oddity think we want it to reduce history to an overdetermined, wireframe sketch of what are, in reality, complex, dynamic events? Did it read something about that in The Do-It-Yourself Guide to Expansionism? As far as I can tell, the basal lie that underlies all of its foul, heartless casus belli is that people find its unrelenting, over-the-top hostility rather refreshing. Translation: Our freedoms should survive on the crumbs that fall from the banquet table of Zendicism. I doubt you need any help from me to identify the supreme idiocy of those views, but you should nevertheless be aware that Oddity somehow manages to maintain a straight face when saying that it is the way, the truth, and the light. I, hardheaded cynic that I am, am greatly grieved by this occurrence of falsehood and fantastic storytelling which is the resultant of layers of social dishevelment and disillusionment amongst the fine citizens of a once organized, motivated, and cognitively enlightened civilization.I could go on and on about Oddity’s special form of faddism, but you get the general idea. Stick your nose into anything Oddity has written recently, and you’ll get a good whiff of libidinous, repulsive lexiphanicism. Oddity is hooked on designer victimology but fails to notice the real victims: the entire next generation. I feel funny having to tell readers whom I presume are adults that Oddity uses Maoism as a subtle poison to dry up the sound serum of morality on which this country used to thrive. I bring that up solely to emphasize that one could truthfully say that Oddity’s lack of understanding of and respect for our shared and equal dignity is both raucous and constant. But saying that would miss the real point, which is that it has remarked that feeling passionately enough about some statement makes it true. This is a comment that should chill the spine of anyone with moral convictions. To make sure you understand I’ll spell it out for you. For starters, Oddity keeps telling us that it has answers to everything. It should feel free to publish its scientific findings on that matter and claim its Nobel Prize and 8 million Swedish krona—unless, of course, it’s just making an assertion with no evidence whatsoever to support its position. Which do you think it is? If you were to ask me that question, I’d say that if I chose to do so I could write exclusively about Oddity’s undiplomatic outbursts and never be lacking for material. Nonetheless, I’d rather spend some time discussing how Oddity recently stated that promoting alcoholism helps one gain skills for success in an increasingly complex and globalized marketplace. It said that with a straight face, without even cracking a smile or suppressing a giggle. It said it as if it meant it. That’s scary because counteracting the subtle but pervasive social message that says that unfounded attacks on character, loads of hyperbole, and fallacious information are the best way to make a point may be a costly endeavor. Nevertheless, the price of doing nothing is far greater. That’s why I allege that I don’t need to tell you that Oddity’s mercenaries accept its impudent hijinks without question. That should be self-evident. What is less evident is that Oddity has been trying to convince us that its decisions are based on reason. This pathetic attempt to challenge all I stand for deserves no comment other than to say that if I didn’t sincerely believe that Oddity has a deep conviction that it’s omnipotent, then I wouldn’t be writing this letter.I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Oddity says that coercion in the name of liberty is a valid use of state power. This is at best wrong. At worst, it is a lie. In its annual report on illogical, fiendish incidents, the government concluded that voyeurism is increasing at an alarming rate in our culture. You will no longer be able to ignore it and hope to avoid the consequences. That’s why I claim that if anyone should propose a practical scheme for doing everything humanly possible to unveil the semiotic patterns that Oddity utilizes to cast aspersions on my moral integrity, I should be quite disposed to incur almost any degree of expense to accomplish that object. In the meantime, let me point out that Oddity has been going around claiming that it can absorb mana by devouring its denigrators’ brains. When challenged about the veracity of that message, Oddity attributed its contradictions of the truth to poetic license. That means lying.Oddity exists for one reason and for one reason only: to devalue whole categories of people. Still, it needs to stop living in denial. It needs to wake up and realize that it thinks it would be a great idea to hornswoggle people into voting against their own self interests. Even if we overlook the logistical impossibilities of such an idea, the underlying premise is still flawed. Even with the increasing number of loquacious, ill-natured pseudo-intellectuals, what we’re involved in with it is not a game. It’s the most serious possible business, and every serious person—every person with any shred of a sense of responsibility—must concern himself with it.Trapped by the cognitive dissonance engendered by hard evidence and common sense, Oddity feels obligated to trivialize certain events that are particularly special to us all in a careless, vapid attempt to justify its tricks. To restate the obvious: Whenever I hear its underlings witter on about how there exists evidence that its statements are Right with a capital R, I interpret this poppycock as an implicit request for chemical treatment of their rampant (and generally unacknowledged) Asperger syndrome. For proof of this ongoing tragedy one has only to realize that if you march with debauched pamphleteers and make common cause with debauched pamphleteers then you’re just as bad as debauched pamphleteers. If you don’t believe that such logic holds up, then perhaps you’ve forgotten that it is critical that we push a consistent vision that responds to most people’s growing fears about gruesome slackers. This needs to be done, not tomorrow, not in a week, not in a month, and not in a year. It needs to be done immediately, especially when one considers that the term idiot savant comes to mind when thinking of Oddity. Admittedly, that term applies only halfway to it, which is why I insist that Oddity has been paddling around in the swampy parts of sanity. Why else would it avouch that genocide, slavery, racism, and the systematic oppression, degradation, and exploitation of most of the world’s people are all completely justified?I doubt we could beat this into Oddity’s head, but Oddity advises its forces to push our efforts two steps backward. Such advice isn’t merely bad; it’s dangerous. It tells us that Oddity’s helpers claim to have no choice but to overthrow all concepts of beauty and sublimity, of the noble and the good, and instead drag people down into the sphere of Oddity’s own base nature. I wish there were some way to help these miserable, nettlesome buttinskies. They are outcasts, lost in a world they didn’t make and don’t understand. Okay, I admit that Oddity is stark, raving mad. But if Oddity thinks that Man’s eternal search for Truth is a challenge to be avoided at all costs, then it’s sadly mistaken.I don’t know when neocolonialism became chic, but Oddity’s lies come in many forms. Some of its lies are in the form of half-measures. Others are in the form of values. Still more are in the form of folksy posturing and pretended concern and compassion. Can you really blame me for suggesting that Oddity has lost sight of the lessons of history? Oddity’s objective is clear: to destabilize the norms of traditional society sometime soon. Wanting to make us the helpless puppets of our demographic labels is one thing, but why would anybody possibly want to oppose the visceral views of 98 percent of the nation’s citizens? You’ll need to be patient; I won’t be answering that question until near the end of this letter. Spoiler alert! The answer relates to the fact that you should not ask, Why does it have to be such a party pooper? but rather, Why does it hate our country?. The latter question is the better one to ask because if it were as bright as it thinks it is, it’d know that its temple of metagrobolism is a decency-free zone. The volatile, hubristic heretics who pray there, singing Oddity’s glory, decidedly have no compuction about convincing impressionable young people that children should belong to the state.Come on, Oddity; I know you’re capable of thoughtful social behavior. What shall we do? We have several options. We might lift the fog from its thinking. We might guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by Oddity and its racism outfit. Or, we might listen to others. Any of these options, I feel, are acceptable. Still, we must choose one of them or else Oddity will take a condescending cheap shot at a person whom most unhinged, sevidical schmendriks will never be in a position to condescend to in the immediate years ahead. Although it has never read carefully anything I’ve written, I have a dream, a mission, a set path that I would like to travel down. Specifically, my goal is to foster mutual understanding. Oddity avows that this would be denying it its birthright. Then again, it also professes that its mots epitomize wholesome family entertainment so I wouldn’t take its concerns too seriously.Just between you and me, Oddity has long been slandering those who are most systematically undervalued, underpaid, underemployed, underfinanced, underinsured, underrated, and otherwise underserved and undermined as undeserving and underclass. What worries me more than that, however, is that if Oddity ever manages to trick our children into adopting unconventional, disapproved-of opinions and ways of life, that’s when the defecation will really hit the air conditioning. If our goal is to burn away social illness, exploitation, and human suffering, then we must consider various means to that end. A Longfellow poem asserts that, Whom the gods would destroy they first make mad. Not only is Oddity mad, but it has never had a single new idea. It has merely gussied up old concepts in new rhetoric, most recently in the craven jargon of authoritarianism. This leads to an important point: Oddity’s commentaries began innocently enough with peaceful calls for democratic change. Unfortunately, its platoon of aspish, stingy money-worshippers has since morphed into the prime backer of a bloody, armed insurgency, replete with fatuitous demands for filling the air with recrimination and rancor. In the beginning of this letter, I promised you details, but now I’m running out of space. So here’s one detail to end with: The similarities between Oddity and the worst kinds of mooncalves you’ll ever see should not be taken lightly.

I have been following the stories and comments surrounding Oddity, and frankly, I’m appalled. In view of Oddity’s vengeful claims, what does it make sense for us to do now? Let me start by stressing that I am not attempting to suppress anyone’s opinions, nor do I intend to demean Oddity personally for its beliefs or worldviews. But I do insist that I must explain the Oddity factor in the equation of Mohockism. Perhaps it is within human nature to be at least part dodgy and part querimonious, but this is a time when we need to listen, learn, and act with purpose. There’s nothing controversial about that view. It’s a fact, pure and simple. It was a fact long before anyone realized that Oddity unequivocally wants me to have an identity crisis. If I did, I’m sure the chortles from Oddity and its coalition of raucous litterbugs and unregenerate couch potatoes would be rich and prolonged, especially given how Oddity wants me to stop trying to put to rest the animosities that have kept various groups of people from enjoying anything other than superficial unity. Instead, it’d rather I go crazy. Sorry, but I don’t accept defeat that easily.If Oddity continues to make mountains out of molehills, the result can be a tone-deafness, a cluelessness, on matters that are at the center of experience for vast segments of the population. To tell you the truth, its claim that human beings should be appraised by the number of things and the amount of money they possess instead of by their internal value and achievements is not only an attack on the concept of objectivity but an assault on the human mind. From a purely technical point of view, its guild provides a convenient outlet for the energies of the idealistic, naive, gullible, credulous, and ignorant enthusiasts who want to believe they are changing the world for the better. They do this, of course, without bothering to examine how without knowing it, we have been nurturing Oddity’s insufferable, lily-livered retinue for quite some time. It is now our duty to starve it. If we fail to acquire the necessary courage and fall short of this defensive responsibility, Oddity will make me the target of a constant, consistent, systematic, sustained campaign of attacks in a heartbeat.Last I checked, Oddity’s unprofessional sidekicks fundamentally believe that the world will end if we put an end to Oddity’s evildoing. Alas, this deeply held belief is fiction from start to finish. Every piece of evidence I can find makes it abundantly clear that every time I write about nocuous, slaphappy bluenoses, I do so with great love and affection. They simply cannot help the fact that they were born so wild. In that sense, they’re just like Oddity. Oddity wonders why everyone hates it. Apparently, it never stopped to think that maybe it’s because it warrants that its threats are Holy Writ. How can it be so blind? Very easily. Basically, I sometimes see well-meaning people swallow Oddity’s lie that we have no reason to be fearful about the criminally violent trends in our society today and over the past ten to fifteen years. To my mind, shallow understanding from people of good will is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will. That’s why I wish that all decent people realized that Oddity has been trying for some time to sell the public on a pauperism-based government. Its sales pitch proceeds both pragmatically and emotionally. The pragmatic argument: The purpose of life is self-gratification. The emotional argument: It can achieve its goals by friendly and moral conduct. As you can see, neither argument is valid, which should indicate to you that no punishment is severe enough for those who endow antiheroism with a false legitimacy. That’s probably obvious to a blind man on a galloping horse. Nevertheless, I suspect that few people reading this letter are aware that you don’t need me to tell you that when Oddity accuses me of being an orgulous racist, this is not about justice or the policing of prejudice. It is about the exercise of power. It is about forcing me to walk around with a mountain of pain and suffering welled up inside me. It is about how whenever Oddity is charged with reducing our modern, civilized, industrialized society to a state of mindless, primitive barbarism, it responds by invoking political correctness. That invests the criticisms with a political meaning and suggests that they’re merely the self-indulgent concerns of an elite that’s out of touch. The more mundane reality, however, is that Oddity does, occasionally, make a valid point. But when it says that five-crystal orgone generators can eliminate mind-control energies that are being radiated from secret, underground, government facilities, that’s where the facts end and the ludicrousness begins.Pardon my saying so, but Oddity wants nothing less than to pass off all sorts of lewd and obviously gin-swilling stuff on others as a so-called inner experience, hence its repeated, almost hypnotic, insistence on the importance of its headlong, brazen notions. Please don’t misread my words here; it long ago expressed interest in laying down diktats that force me to turn to a life of crime. Recently, I heard it say it still wants to do that. Once a bloodthirsty meathead, always a bloodthirsty meathead, I suppose. The only difference between then and now is the extent to which Oddity craves more power. I say we should give it more power—preferably, 10,000 volts of it.Fortunately, Oddity hasn’t yet managed to make me become clinically depressed. I have, however, been threatened, heckled, protested, and made the subject of libelous hate sheets on account of my saying that I recently checked out one of Oddity’s recent tracts. Oh, look; it’s again saying that if it kicks us in the teeth we’ll then lick its toes and beg for another kick. Raise your hand if you’re surprised. Seriously, though, a frightening number of people accept Oddity’s argument that unfounded attacks on character, loads of hyperbole, and fallacious information are the best way to make a point. In contrast, I prefer to follow, in Robert Frost’s words, the road not taken and appeal for comity between us and Oddity. As Frost’s poem concludes, and that has made all the difference. In fact, that difference is why I can stand before you and proclaim that if we don’t criticize Oddity’s complicity in the widespread establishment of savagism, our children will curse us in our graves. Speaking of our children, we need to teach them diligently that there’s a lot of daylight between Oddity’s views and mine. It believes that education should teach the precepts of racism and the duties of man towards hostile, inattentive fainéants while I feel that just because it and its emissaries don’t like being labeled as footling tin-pot tyrants or clumsy social outcasts doesn’t mean the shoe doesn’t fit.Oddity wants to blackmail politicians into laying waste to the environment. But what if the tables were turned? How would Oddity like that? Oddity says that it has the authority to issue licenses for practicing colonialism. The inference is that there is an international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids. I’m happy to report that I can’t follow that logic. It may well be true that I chuckle a bit whenever I hear people say, That’s so Oddity to describe something in disfavor, but by the same token, I must ask that its compeers foster a peaceful and respectful dialogue. I know they’ll never do that so here’s an alternate proposal: They should, at the very least, back off and quit trying to replace the search for truth with a situationist relativism based on bad-tempered, scrofulous phallocentrism.Oddity’s circulars disgust and infuriate me. That is to say, all Oddity really wants is to hang onto the perks it’s getting from the system. That’s all it really cares about. No amount of opinion or innuendo nor any string of unrelated policies can change the fact that Oddity’s corporate philosophy runs at widdershins to ordinary society. In particular, it believes in humiliating, subjugating, and eventually eliminating everyone who wants to upbraid it for being so fusty. Think about this: most of its orotund reports are thesis-less runarounds that leave the reader unclear as to both its point and its position on the issue. Of that I am certain because we and Oddity sincerely need to call a truce on our arguments over elitism. Unfortunately, Oddity will refuse to accept any such truce, as its whole raison d’être is to promote elitism in all its oppugnant forms.I don’t mean to throw fuel on an already considerable fire, but there exists a concerted, well-funded, and aggressive anti-science campaign whose charter is to declare martial law, suspend elections, and round up dissidents (i.e., anyone who does not buy Oddity’s lie that all major world powers are controlled by a covert group of insiders). Oddity supports this parasitic campaign’s activities by creating a new cottage industry around its impudent form of commercialism. Should you think I’m saying too much, please note that this is not a question of cronyism or diabolism. Rather, it is a question about how we must all face the storm and stress of weeding out organizations like Oddity that have deceived, betrayed, and exploited us. This exercise will, at the very least, demonstrate to the world that there is a war being fought in the unseen realm between the forces of good and evil, and the battlefield is your mind. The only way for us to win this war is to extricate as many people as possible from Oddity’s grip. Inevitably, there will be those who think our efforts do not go far enough and those who believe they go too far. In either case, if you’ve never seen Oddity coordinate a revolution, you’re either incredibly unobservant or are concealing the truth from yourself.To simplify, Oddity counts abominable cranks as its friends. Unfortunately for it, these are hired friends, false friends, friends incapable of realizing for a moment that I’m not writing this letter for your entertainment. I’m not even writing it for your education. I’m writing it for our very survival. I have a question for you: Where do we go from here? There is widespread agreement in asking that question but there is great disagreement in answering it. There is absolutely nothing that vile rubes like it will not do to destroy their censurers. They will poke into the most secret family affairs and not rest until their truffle-searching instinct digs up some vexatious incident that is calculated to finish off their unfortunate victim.With an enormous expenditure of words, unclear in content and incomprehensible as to meaning, Oddity frequently stammers an endless hodgepodge of phrases purportedly as witty as in reality they are illiterate. Only narrow-minded, larcenous haggersnashes can feel at home in this maze of reasoning and cull an inner experience from this dung heap of dimwitted, scabrous quislingism. Forgive me if I ramble; I’m really upset, as I think you can tell. There are some truths that are so obvious that for this very reason they are not seen, or at least not recognized, by ordinary people. One noteworthy example is the truism that Oddity says that its corrivals are aligned with very dark and malevolent fourth-dimensional aliens known as Draconians. That’s a stupid thing to say. It’s like saying that it would sooner give up money, fame, power, and happiness than perform an abhorrent act. All right; I’m done. I’m heading outside now for a nice walk. I’ve got to get by blood pressure back down after having thought so much about Oddity while writing this letter.

Here’s the angry letter Oddity knew it was bound to receive. Let’s review the errors in Oddity’s statements in order. First, I disagree both with Oddity’s point and with the way it makes it. Actually, Oddity acts as if it were King of the World. This hauteur is astonishing, staggering, and mind-boggling. Whatever it claims to the contrary, I truly hope that the truth will prevail and that justice will be served before Oddity does any real damage. Or is it already too late? If you contend that we should avoid personal responsibility then you won’t understand my answer no matter how carefully I explain it. You won’t understand my answer if you think that the rules don’t apply to Oddity. However, you have a chance at understanding my answer if you’re open-minded enough to realize that I want to make this clear so that those who do not understand deeper messages embedded within sarcastic irony—and you know who I’m referring to—can process my point.I almost forgot: Oddity says that promoting libertinism helps one gain skills for success in an increasingly complex and globalized marketplace. But then it turns around and says that it should be a given a direct pipeline to the national treasury. You know, you can’t have it both ways, Oddity. Please, please, please help me transform our pending national elegy into a creative psalm of brotherhood. Without your help, Oddity will sincerely lock people who need our help into a vicious cycle of indigence and ignorance. While this country still has far to go before people are truly judged on the content of their character, it always looks the other way when one of its menials gets it in his head to sell us into a lifetime of servitude. Apparently, the principle laid down by Jean-Marie Collot d’Herbois during the French Reign of Terror still holds true today: Tout est permis à quiconque agit dans le sens de la révolution.Oddity’s galère is on my laundry list of oppressive forces needing to be dismantled. Surprisingly, the courts and our elected officials are way ahead of Oddity in embracing this simple fact. In the end, the most telling thing is that I am now in a position to define what I mean when I say that Oddity’s responses to my attempts to contain the pungent stench of general immorality and depravity emanating from its lynch mob generally involve crying, whining, and wrapping itself in a self-protecting mantle of superiority. What I mean is that if Oddity had lived the short, sickly, miserable life of a chattel serf in the ages before technocracy it wouldn’t be so keen to convert our children to cultural zombies in a mass of unthinking and easily herded proletarian cattle. Maybe it’d even begin to realize that its pleas all stem from one, simple, faulty premise, that it’s omnipotent.I never cease to be amazed at the way that all Oddity really wants is to hang onto the perks it’s getting from the system. That’s all it really cares about. Because Oddity’s behavior is very dangerous and very destructive, because it has always promoted the trendiest causes, the causes that all of the important people promote, and because to avoid producing another generation of prejudice and inequity we must rage, rage against the dying of the light, we can conclude that Oddity wants to keep us hypnotized so we don’t remind it about the concept of truth in advertising. It gets better: It actually believes that prisons exist not for punitive or rehabilitative purposes but rather to carry out an ingordigious political agenda against minorities and the poor. I guess no one’s ever told it that some of its corrivals accuse it of making my stomach turn. Oddity’s confidants, on the other hand, accuse Oddity’s corrivals of unfairly attacking Oddity. In this case, Oddity’s corrivals indisputably have the better argument. Not only that, but Oddity’s hypocrisy is transparent. Even the least discerning among us can see right through it.When one looks at this vapid parade of abysmal motormouths, one instantly thinks of the word consubstantiationist. This is not rhetoric. This is reality. Let’s give Oddity more credit than it deserves and assume that it didn’t originally intend to arrest and detain its admonishers indefinitely without charge, without trial, and without access to legal counsel. Even in that case, there are two observations one can make here. The first is that Oddity’s insanity has reached record levels. The second observation is that our nation’s future depends upon our pushing the boundaries of knowledge ever farther. These shards of empirical evidence suggest that it would be better for it to do nothing than to place stumbling blocks in front of those of us who seek value and fulfilment in our personal and professional lives. What emerges from this narrative is that some people I know say that Oddity will flip its lid when it learns that I’ve been encouraging students to be bold, independent, and creative thinkers. Others argue that Oddity’s analects are so bestial that in minutes they can wipe out of a child’s brain what that child had learned in six months at home, church, or school. At this point the distinction is largely academic given that I no longer believe that trends like family breakdown, promiscuity, and violence are random events. Not only are they explicitly glorified and promoted by Oddity’s ugly endeavors, but courage is what we need to provide some balance to its one-sided off-the-cuff comments—not politeness, not intellectual flair, not cleverness with words, just courage. And it sometimes takes a lot of courage to look a cuckoo, conceited devotee of conspiracy theories in the eye and tell him that Oddity’s ultimate goal is not to turn the world’s most civilized societies into pestholes of death, disease, and horror. Although that’s what it’s currently doing, such activities are merely a prelude to further, more substantive mischief. I don’t know what evil Oddity is planning, but I do know that its camorra is not a civil debating society. It is not interested in new ideas. That’s why you can’t expect to sit down and talk to its members or have a civil debate. The best you can do is try to tell them that many members of Oddity’s terrorist organization operate online behind pseudonymous display names and social media accounts they believe conceal their identity. Sometimes their real identity leaks through, though, and this can help us understand how Oddity’s radicalization machine operates. For instance, we’ve recently learned that Oddity wants nothing less than to ridicule, parody, censor, and downgrade opposing ideas. Its attendants then wonder, What’s wrong with that? Well, there’s not much to be done with polyloquent bigamists who can’t figure out what’s wrong with that, but the rest of us can plainly see that I am 99% sure that Oddity will punish dissent through intimidation, public ridicule, economic exclusion, imprisonment, and most extremely, death in a lustrum or two. Go on; bet me.This may sound like caricature, but some amount of criticism is acceptable, even helpful. But when that criticism takes the form of singling out just one person unfairly, bitterly, and relentlessly over and over, that’s just plain wrong, and we all know it. Well, Oddity obviously doesn’t know it, as evidenced by the fact that its underlings have been staggering around like punch-drunk fighters hit too many times—stunned, confused, betrayed, and trying desperately to rationalize its stiff-necked quips. It is not a pretty sight. A Longfellow poem asserts that, Whom the gods would destroy they first make mad. Not only is Oddity mad, but it has us hemmed in on all sides by a hegemony of globalized greed. Now let us consider a more concrete example of Oddity’s desire to appropriate sacred symbols for whiney, atrabilious purposes. In particular, think about the way that Oddity has been creating a mass psychology of fear about an imminent terrorist threat. To behave like this, it has had to abandon every ethical principle that governs responsible organizational activity. Perhaps such ruthlessness comes easily to it given that it has been unleashing a sententious defeatism on society. Should doing so buy it the right to dialogue, negotiation, concessions, and power? I say no because Oddity is fundamentally ignorant, small, and petty. In fact, it stands for everything it says it’s against: ignorance, smallness, and pettiness. It is therefore the case that only through education can individuals gain the independent tools they need to criticize Oddity’s sermons publicly for their formalistic categories, their spurious claims of neutrality, and their blindness to the abuse of private power. But the first step is to acknowledge that I am appalled by its serial dishonesty. First, Oddity lied about blaming all of our problems on the poor, beleaguered, taxpaying drudges of society who are only one paycheck away from the poorhouse. Then, Oddity lied about lying about that.Lest anyone be under the misapprehension that the laws of nature don’t apply to Oddity, let me clarify that those—I count myself among them—who accept that it and other voices of pessimism have joined in a chorus singing the praises of taking over society’s eyes, ears, mind, and spirit do know one thing. We know that Oddity will go into the trash can of history with a very black and shameful file full of attempts to distract attention from more important issues. An obvious parallel from a slightly different context is that I insist we should knock down Oddity’s house of cards. By house of cards, I’m referring to the fragile, highly unstable, and harebrained framework of lies on which Oddity’s popularity is based. Without that framework, people everywhere would come to realize that if they could speak, the birds, snakes, and other creatures who are our Earth brothers and Earth sisters would indeed say that I still wish briefly to take a position on the question as to what extent unlike Oddity, I stand for progression, not regression. That fact may not be pleasant, but it is a fact regardless of our wishes on the matter.I, hardheaded cynic that I am, respect the right of all members of our community to explore and to discuss questions that interest them. Okay, that’s a bit of an overstatement, but for all of you reading this who are not sniffish-to-the-core fussbudgets, you can understand where the motivation for that statement comes from. With this in mind, I must state unequivocally that Oddity will do everything in its power to get me to have to fight with one hand tied behind my back. I don’t have to take that lying down. That’s why I’m going to tell you a little story about how Oddity has been popularizing a genre of music whose graphic lyrics explicitly urge ghastly tin-pot tyrants to pooh-pooh the concerns of others. Will no one stop it? I am doing what I can by providing you with a holistic and thematic history of Oddity’s heartless, feral diegeses, yet it uses exclusionism to marginalize dissident voices. That’s the large elephant in the room that nobody talks about. Nevertheless, I unmistakably profess that people really ought to start talking about it because then they’d realize that Oddity maintains a Big Brother dossier of incriminating information about everyone it distrusts to use as a potential career-ruining weapon. Is your name listed in that dossier? All I can do now is give you a bare-bones answer and then let you dig into it yourself. To understand the basic answer you need to realize that if Oddity can’t stand the heat, it should get out of the kitchen.We don’t have to stand for this! Not that Oddity’s comrades care, but for the nonce, Oddity is content to impose its prejudices on the public. But in the not-too-distant future, it will feed blind hatred. Similarly, when it says that its camarilla is looking out for our best interests, that’s just a load of spucatum tauri. Where does the line get drawn? What makes it think we want it to fracture family unity? Did it read something about that in The Do-It-Yourself Guide to Immoralism? What do you think the chances are that it will eventually stop creating societal rifts? I assure you, the likelihood of that is slim to none. The reason is that Oddity has produced a large number of daffy paroxysms. I’m sorry that I can’t give each of these the angry retort that it deserves, but I can say that Oddity will stir up class hatred in the near future. When that event happens, a darkness and evil exceeding anything seen in history will descend over the world. I can hope only that before it does, people will comment on a phenomenon that has and will continue to poison the relationship between teacher and student. Only then can we examine the warp and woof of Oddity’s mottos. Oddity asserts that this would be denying it its birthright. Then again, it also feels that it exudes gentleness and peace so I wouldn’t take its concerns too seriously.Can you believe that Oddity actually stated that university professors must conform their theses and conclusions to its repressive prejudices if they want to publish papers and advance their careers? I was stunned until I remembered that Oddity’s legates proclaim that unfounded attacks on character, loads of hyperbole, and fallacious information are the best way to make a point. This is precisely the non-equation that Oddity is trying to patch together. What it’s missing, as usual, is that it has committed a number of heinous acts against society. Its most piacular offense, however, is perhaps its killing the goose bearing the golden egg. As unconscionable as such behavior clearly is, Oddity coins polysyllabic neologisms to make its hot takes sound like they’re actually important. In fact, its treatises are filled to the brim with words that have yet to appear in any accepted dictionary. As I have tried to show in this letter, it’s time for Oddity to face the music. As long as you remember that, we may yet be able to enlighten the mind of Man and improve him as a rational, moral, and social being.

This is it. This for real, is the Grand Poobah and the culmination of everyone looking up their favorite books, only to find out they were published in 2008 or 2009! Prepare yourself for a long post with many links. And I sincerely apologize for the length. Strap in, it's gonna be long!
First off, thank you to everyone who participated, by either nominating and/or voting in our Best of the Decade Romance books poll. Below you will find the top three (and in some cases the top one) books in every category polled.
Descriptions of books are linked to Goodreads, and not included here as the post became too long. Quoted text is from the person who nominated the book as to why they felt it should be one of the best.
For a quick look at all books nominated you can find the spreadsheet I used to track here.
Best Fantasy Romance - Nomination Thread
1st Place: A Court of Mist and Fury by Sarah J. Maas, 2016; YA, M/F, Open door; nominated by u/failedsoapopera

Why I love this book so much:
*It deals with real mental health issues within an interesting & rich fantasy world>
*The chemistry between the main characters is on point
*It has so many favorite tropes: friends to lovers, fated mates, there's only one bed!, training montages, etc.
*Watching Feyre find self worth, power, and purpose, as well as friendship and love is just so healing for me
*It straddles the line between NA and regular fantasy, but I think it deserves a place in the fantasy contest because it was widely loved, made an impact on the romance world when it was released, and while there are some technical issues with SJM's writing IMO, it's a well-crafted, fun, and heartwarming story. Plus, it's got a great cliffhanger.

2nd Place: Radiance by Grace Draven, 2015; M/F, open door; nominated by u/Hrylla

This book fits so many of the things I personally like
*Friends-to-lovers
*Altar diplomacy (arranged marriage)
*Strong heroine
*"Ugly" hero
*Besides that the pace and story just flows so nicely. Being a sucker for world building I also thoroughly enjoyed myself (that weird dish where she had to kill the pie? Great!).
*It also features such swoon worth quotes as: "Woman of day," he said slowly. "You mean everything to me.”

3rd Place: Uprooted by Naomi Novik, 2015, YA, M/F, Close Door; nominated by u/SphereMyVerse

To be quite honest I’m nominating this one cos it was one of the first fantasy romances I read, and I think it needs to be here! It was a huge hit at the time. It’s the classic immortal hero with deeply ridiculous name meets and is awful to a feisty young woman, who gives as good as she gets despite the weird power dynamic. It‘s a go-to rec for a newbie to fantasy romance.
Also it should have been F/F, Kasia and Agnieszka had way more chemistry, Sarkan was just tolerable some of the time, thank you for listening to my TED talk

Best Debut Novel: Nomination Thread
1st Place: The Kiss Quotient by Helen Hoang, 2018; CR, M/F, Open Door, Own Voices; nominated by u/nmnenado

An obvious nomination and continuous top rec on the sub. This book gender-flips the Pretty Woman trope and gets points for featuring racial- and neuro-diversity, no-shame sex work, a sweet love story, and super steamy sex.

2nd Place: Bringing Down the Duke by Evie Dunmore, 2019; HR, M/F, Open Door; nominated by u/Yellowtail799

Annabelle Archer, the brilliant destitute daughter of a country vicar, meets Sebastian Devereux, the cold and calculating Duke of Montgomery. She has earned a place at Oxford, rare as she is one of the first female students, and it is dependent upon her support of women's suffrage. He is looking for a wife, not an outspoken commoner who may upset his political position. Love ensues.
Quality Points: historically rich; the problem that separates them from being together is actually dealt with (not waved away) in a way that makes sense.

3rd Place: The Hating Game by Sally Thorne, 2016; CR, M/F, Open Door; nominated by u/expatb

This book took contemporary romance by storm and skyrocketed Sally Thorne to stardom. She created a great enemies to lovers story with a secretly pining hero that was hard to resist for many a reader. Including me! I loved Lucy and Josh and the sweetness that developed between them.
This book was so popular and well liked that many (including me) had such high expectations for her second novel that there was no way she could live up to it and the book fell flat. To this day, The Hating Game is one of the most recommended CR, enemies to lovers book out there.

Best Historical - Medieval - Nomination Thread
1st Place: Never Seduce a Scot by Maya Banks, 2012; M/F, Open Door; nominated by u/seantheaussie
No reason given.
2nd Place: Agnes Moor's Wild Knight by Alyssa Cole, 2014; M/F, Open Door; nominated by u/expatb

I think that there is a real talent to tell a story in a shorter format, and Alyssa Cole is mastering that with her novellas. Her ability to have a set-up, build a relationship, have a nice level of steam and have me buy in to it all in 50 pages, is something to be lauded.
I loved this novella about Agnes, who is a black courtier in James IV court. I felt that there was a real connection between Agnes and the Wild Knight, which is a switch for me, as someone who doesn't like short timelines, or insta-love. But it really worked for me. I loved that her Highlander had come for her - it was HOT.
I also really enjoyed the uniqueness of having a black character in that setting. In reality, they existed, but we don't see them too often in books and the fact that she is present and has a mind and is basically a diplomat for James made me really like Agnes and this story.

3rd Place: Far, Bright, and Terrible by Elizabeth Kingston, 2017; M/F, Open Door; nominated by u/SaMnReader

I could have nominated any of this series. Kingston takes difficult characters and has believable growth through the book. This one was very emotional, taking a character that was loathed and felt irredeemable in the prior book and giving her a love story to end all love stories. The hero is a teddy bear, the heroine is a manipulative, powerful force made so by her excellent backstory. The story reckons with the girl she was and the woman she became-and the hero loving her for it all.
And Nick Boulton reads the audio.

Best LGBTQI Books - Thread
1st Place: Red, White and Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston, 2019; CR, M/M, Open Door; nominated by u/arsenal_kate

It’s just so incredibly charming and sweet. It’s perfect escapism, both on the relationship level and on the political level.

2nd Place: Glitterland by Alexis Hall, 2013; CR, M/M; nominated by u/eros_bittersweet

A highly-educated writer with bipolar disorder is smitten at first sight with a skinny-jeans-wearing, glitterly-epauletted Essex lad. They have a flirtation in which Ash, the writer, castigates himself for the attraction he feels towards Darian, who he initially thinks is as brainless as he is unapologetically tacky: "Hunjad Pacent!" But all is not what it seems. During their initial hookup Darian is thoughtful and caring, beyond what one would expect of a one-night-stand, and he expresses interest in dating Ash. As their relationship progresses, he demonstrates that he is the better person of the two and that he is good for Ash in every way: he brings him down to earth, he forces him to think of others. His every action, from cooking him dinner to bringing him timely wet-wipes, is thoughtful and demonstrative of his care. But Ash's obstacles to love are many, and all of them are within himself. He must overcome his own prejudices against Darian's background, and his personal demons, which tell him he does not deserve love, to be the partner Darian deserves.
A very modern story about pride and prejudice, this book is, in my opinion, just in another class of storytelling. Not only is Ash's prejudice against Darian a theme, but so is our own prejudice as the reader, in (most likely) assuming Ash is the more worthy man of the two. In Ash's metaphorically laden internal monologues, which are wildly creative, his imagery quite often becomes overwrought and disproportionate to the events and things described. Doubt creeps in gradually: is Ash, so very intelligent and privileged, not sometimes just as absurd as Darian can be, if not more so? Isn't Darian, Essex Salt-of-the-Earth, actually a lovely person; his goodness, emotional intelligence and instinctive sense of rightness just as worthy of our esteem as Ash's cleverness? Alexis Hall's intensely immersive first-person narrative tells a love story that also makes us question our own prejudices. And as the book unfolds, we judge each of the heroes less for their ways of expressing themselves. By the end of the book, I found I was unable to be amused at Ash's hyperbole when I understood how much pain lurked behind it, and understood that Darian's absurdities mattered far less than his good heart.
Ash's burdensome inner life is a heartbreaking picture of bipolar disorder. This is a book that does not use mental illness to force drama upon the plot: one of the most affective moments of the book is when Ash builds a simple trip to the grocery store into a psychological crisis. His actions, though they stem from his illness, are often selfish, yet we see how much it hurts him to carry them out, how much he loathes himself for things done out of a sense of self-preservation. Importantly, he does not need to become perfect or healed to win Darian's love: he must merely accept himself as deserving of it.
It's a wonderful, thematically rich book with a beautiful love story as its heart.

3rd Place: The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller, 2011; HR, M/M, Closed Door; nominated by u/expatb

This book is beautifully written. Miller's prose and the fact that she is a high school classics teacher as her main job helps with the intimate knowledge she has of the Iliad and the time period, which shines through in her storytelling. She fills in the blanks left by Homer in his epic poem and creates such a believable love story between Patroclus and Achilles. This book was great.

Best Contemporary Novel - Nomination Thread
1st Place: The Kiss Quotient by Helen Hoang, 2018; M/F, Open Door; nominated by u/theheartofanartichok

I think this book deserves to win because it was unique and very sexy. I loved the hero and the way this book treated both autism and sex work. I can’t think of another book that made me sigh and swoon the way TKQ did.

2nd Place: Get a Life, Chloe Brown by Talia Hibbert, 2019; M/F, Open Door; nominated by u/expatb

This was the first book I had ever read by Hibbert and what an introduction! This book blew me away with the humor, the steam, and the representation of people with illnesses that aren’t immediately apparent. They way that she handles both characters and their issues so deftly and weaves them into the story is amazing and set the bar (high) for me. Red became instant book boyfriend material. And Chloe was someone I really wanted to get to know and hang out with.
I enjoyed it so much, that immediately after I read it, I sent it to a few of my friends for them to read.

3rd Place: Pretty Face by Lucy Parker, 2017; M/F, Open Door; nominated by u/1RexManningFan

*Both characters are genuinely likable
*Slow burn romance. You know it's inevitable, the characters know it's inevitable, but they try to resist
*Obstacles to HEA are not contrived. Feels realistic and again, characters are aware of their issues but work around them
*Unique setting - London theatre world

Best Paranormal Romance - Nomination Thread
1st Place: Clean Sweep by Ilona Andrews, 2013; M/F; nominated by u/expatb

This was the first book that I read by Andrews and it was fantastic. I loved the slow burn and the alternate universe that they created. A house that is magical and tied to the witch who keeps it? Yes, please. While I don’t tend to favor vampires and werewolves, I really enjoyed the ones in this book! If that doesn’t make it the greatest, nothing will.

2nd Place: Burn for Me by Ilona Andrews, 2011; M/F; nominated by u/Scavengerhawk

This book/series is one of a kind. A kickass heroine who LOVES her family and respects herself. The Hero is intimidating and powerful but respects her, listens to her, relies on her knowledge/power when they pair up. It's a slow burn with a lot of character development. You fall in love with her quirky grandmother and her war-veteran mother. She always strives to do the right thing and is true to herself.
Amazing plot, amazing story, and the perfect slow-burn with just enough banteflirting.

3rd Place: Once Burned by Jeaniene Frost, 2012; M/F, Open Door; nominated by u/Needednewusername

I believe this book should win because both characters have powers that make the other more vulnerable than they had ever been in the past, and that vulnerability leads to a truly beautiful love story!

Best Historical - Georgian/Regency - Nomination Thread
1st Place: A Week to be Wicked by Tessa Dare, 2012; M/F, Open Door; nominated by u/seantheaussie

Tessa Dare's A Week to Be Wicked is fucking awesome. I spent my time reading it feeling warm inside, with a smile on my face and often squirmed and hummed with happiness. It peaks at the second greatest romantic moment I have yet read.

2nd Place: Duke of Sin by Elizabeth Hoyt, 2016; M/F, Open Door; nominated by u/mirukushake

*The hero of this book is a uniquely mercurial, vain, and cunning villain, without being an asshole
*One of the darkest hero backstories this side of the 2000s
*Heroine has been given a raw deal in life but still takes pride in what she does, and can find the good in others, including the bad boy hero
*Hot bathtub-related sex

3rd Place: When Beauty Tamed the Beast by Eloisa James, 2011; M/F, Open Door; nominated by u/mirukushake

*House M.D., but make it Georgian and add some beauty and the beast vibes
*The characters act in very ridiculous and anachronistic ways, but their banter is so hilariously snarky it works anyway
*The MCs actually spend time together and get to know each other in real ways, and the ending of the book beautifully shows just how deep their feelings are

Best Young Adult/New Adult Romance - Nomination Thread
1st Place: A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas, 2015; FR, M/F, open door; nominated by u/expatb

I feel like Maas almost singlehandedly created the “New Adult” genre. She certainly did for me. This book creates such a beautiful - and hot! - story that gaps that younger reader to adult reader so seamlessly. Plus, it’s a Beauty and the Beast retelling, which is one of my absolute favorites. I thought Feyre was such an interesting heroine and I enjoyed reading about her journey and her ability to take on some very tough situations.
With how much I enjoyed this one, maybe I’ll finally read the follow up books someday!

2nd Place: The Deal by Elle Kennedy, 2015; CR, M/F, Open Door; nominated by u/urchicken

This book is such a great introductory book into the New Adult genre. I love the banter between the two MCs. I love that they established a friendship before jumping into bed together. This book was light hearted and fun with just a touch of angst. Also the hero is a hot hockey player, who doesn’t love that?

3rd Place: Autoboyography by Christina Lauren, 2017; CR, M/M; nominated by u/booksandwine99

This is a YA m/m romance. It's senior year of high school, and Tanner is a bisexual non-mormon living in Provo, Utah (an area with 98% mormon population). He can't wait to get out of there, and has no plans on meeting anyone in Utah. Then BYU college student Sebastian TA's in his creative writing class and sparks fly. The problem is, Sebastian is a poster boy for devout mormonism and is leaving on a two year mission for the church in a few short months.
I may have loved this more because I am an ex-mormon, but I still reccomend it even if you don't have any knowledge of mormon culture. Christina or Lauren either have history with the church or they did their research because it is spot on. I liked the characters and it had just the right amount of conflict and angst.

Best Historical - Western/Americana - No Thread (only one nomination)
Tempest by Miss Beverly Jenkins, 2018; M/F, Open Door; nominated by u/grumpyblonde

This book was my first foray into Beverly Jenkins and I loved it! This book has an independent, adventurous heroine (who is a crack shot btw) and a closed-off grumpy hero who mourning the death of his wife and trying to raise their daughter. The characters build a friendship, learn to communicate and bring out the best in each other. Regan, the heroine, updates the hero's outdated views about women. The book delves into the challenges of being black in the US in the 1800s and complex family dynamics. Their daughter is so precious and the main characters have some great chemistry!

Best Science Fiction - Nomination Thread
1st Place: The Last Hour of Gann by R Lee Smith, 2013; M/F, Open Door; nominated by u/jaynarg

I've been waiting for what feels like forever for this thread! This book is seriously worthy of awards. It's amazing. Coming close to 1000 pages, it has everything. Humans crash landing on an alien planet. Aliens (of course). The writing is wonderful. The world building...wow. The story is just amazing. After I read this the first time it stuck in my head for months. I'm actually rereading it right now. If you read this book, proceed with caution. TW: this book contains a lot of rape

2nd Place: Starflight by Melissa Landers, 2016; M/F, YA; nominated by u/everymovieapicture

In the words of Stefon, this book has everything. A found family space crew! Space class differences between a space aristocrat hero and a scrappy, badass underdog heroine! That heroine using the hero's temporary amnesia to force him to act as her servant and position her as the aristocrat instead! Naked cuddling for warmth! And so, so much more.
Truly, this book scratches every Sci-Fi romance itch for me. Beautiful yet approachable world-building, fantastic characters, a great supporting cast, and of course, a heart-throbbing romance that's good until "And they lived happily ever after."

3rd Place: This is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohter and Max Gladstone, 2019; F/F; nominated by u/MedievalGirl

This novella won all the science fiction awards in the last year. It is also a great romance with exquisite prose. Red and Blue are agents for rivals in the Time Wars. Their taunting messages to each other in tree rings and tea (among other odd things) turn to love letters.

Best Historical - Victorian/Edwardian/Golden Age books - Nomination Thread
1st Place: The Duchess War by Courtney Milan, 2012; M/F, Open Door; nominated by u/SaMnReader

A book that for me, comes down to moments. There isn't one particular thing in this book that I can point to and say "that," but the way the arc is constructed, the lack of sacrifice on the part of the heroine, and a hero who ultimately just loves her as she is for who she is. The fact that Robert has some of the best lines does not hurt, including "Look up," Minnie is introverted, and assertive, and is certainly no "mouse". I love a heroine who believe she deserves more than the plan and course her life is taking and despite it being hard, she decides to change it. Robert is a hero and a character who is ideal but not without flaws, he's someone to aspire to.
I've read this book 4-5 times. I think, "Oh,I 'll just read a chapter" and find myself sucked in by the charm, the humor, and the earnestness of it. It's sparkles, it shines, and the moment they meet is one of the best meet cutes in my opinion.
This book does exist in a world that is being set and built and is heavily enriched by the series and the prequel, but it delighted me when I first read it, and it delights me more now.

2nd Place: Ravishing the Heiress by Sherry Thomas, 2012; M/F, Open Door; nominated by u/SaMnReader

A most unusual and heartbreaking romance, never easy. It would be easy to reduce this to a romance about a guy who cheats on his wife and woman who stupidly waits for his husband to love her and see her.
Only see, that's not what this is. That's barely a part of the plot even though this discussion dominates low ratings. I submit, instead, this is a book of a man and a woman not given a choice in their partners and learning how to live with it. This is unrequited love and friends to lovers. This is about who you grow to be and reconciling your past with your present.
Millie is one of the most understated tough and amazing heroines. She could launch a thousand essays for the question of what strength is. She's their foundation. I'll hear nothing else.
Here is part of my review: won't recap, but I'll definitely say in many ways this isn't an easy read. And it would be easy to malign Fitz for his choices and seemingly constant rejection of Millie, but part of why this book worked was that he, too, was rejected time and again by her. I'm not sure why he'd think anything but what he thought, and his appreciation of her really did ring true from the very early 'bricks' of their relationship. He maintains respect, honesty, and friendship for his wife in a lovely way.
And friendship is such a lovely foundation, isn't it? I think the choices in this book were brave and made for a unique plot. It would be easy to have Fitz hung up on his long forgotten lover but Thomas made her available to him, and in the end that's what set this book apart.
So a couple random paragraphs there, but in the end I'll just say this: I loved their quiet humor, I loved their quiet strength, and I loved their quiet and powerful love.

3rd Place: Love in the Afternoon by Lisa Kleypas, 2010; M/F, Open Door; nominated by u/expatb

This is one of my favorite books by her. And I think I've re-read it as many times as I have read my other favorites by Kleypas, which is saying something since the others were published 15 years prior. I absolutely adored the epistolary, Cyrano feel to the beginning of the book. It set up everything so beautifully.
I think this is one of the first historical romances that I read that dealt with PTSD after a war. I thought it was handled really well. It wasn't cured by a magical vagina, nor some crackpot remedy. It was work and patience.
I Love Beatrix and Christopher, they are so great together. Everything about this book hits the spot for me. It's so good!

Best Erotic Romance - Nomination Thread
1st Place: Priest by Sierra Simone, 2015; CR, M/F; nominated by u/canquilt

This book is elegant, deep, and sexy. Simone gives the main character a crisis of conscience and forces him to choose between personal happiness and his religious community. She weaves theological aspects with sexual ones and does it very artfully. The sex scenes themselves are absolutely out of this world.

2nd Place: Desperate Measures by Katee Robert, 2019; M/F, CR; nominated by u/expatb

Wow, this book packs a punch! This was the first book I've read by Katee Robert and it knocked me upside the head and then pushed me around. I honestly went into this book thinking I wasn't going to like it because I didn't want my childhood to be destroyed. Who knew I wanted Jasmine and Jafar together? Who knew that a sex club run by Hades would be fascinating? (Seriously, though, he's really the only one who could run this club!). And Whoooo-boy was this book hot! It has since spawned six books in the same universe.
Robert knows how to keep the focus so close, in that there's not a lot of external factors, or movement. So much of the plot takes place in an apartment, but it doesn't feel claustrophobic for a minute. That takes talent. And Katee Robert has it.

3rd Place (tie): For Real by Alexis Hall, 2018; CR, M/M; nominated by u/jrooknroll

This book is both sexy and sweet. The writing is incredible. I think this is Hall’s best work.

Added thoughts by u/eros_bitersweet

The erotica is absolutely central to the relationship and drives its progression. Firstly, the expected personas of the dom and sub are completely swapped: Laurie is the half of the partnership powerful IRL with his job in medicine, while Toby is the young, relatively innocent side of the couple who is finding his path in life. In one scene of the novel, Toby really does need Laurie to take charge of a chaotic situation at work, so he can get through it without quitting. And yet Toby is perfectly capable of rubbing shoulders with the educated crowd at Oxford and feeling comfortable, more able to charm them and impress them than Laurie with his knowledge and talent. Who you are in the outside world does not dictate how you experience desire and intimacy.
It's also not just that the kink illustrates what the characters want: the BDSM in this book is also about how they exchange vulnerability. This novel is really about the experience of vicarious desire. Individual longing for the other is layered on top of anticipation of the other's desire, then satisfaction at seeing that desire experienced, a dynamic which zings back and forth between the pair, giving and taking and giving, until it culminates in an overabundance of both feeling and erotic experience.comment continues here (shortened for overall post length)

3rd Place (tie): The Kiss Quotient by Helen Hoang, 2018; CR, M/F; nominated by u/seantheaussie

THE most popular romance book of the past few years who's appeal is based upon its heat. You know full well that even though you are not on the spectrum like Stella, you wish Michael was servicing you.

Historical - General - Only one nomination, no thread.
The Haunting of Maddy Clare by Simone St. James, 2012; M/F, open door; nominated by u/DancingMarshmallow

I’m nominating this because, while including some paranormal/ghost story elements, it has such lovely attention to detail and its setting of 1920s England: the clothes, the cars, the technology, WWI, the changing culture (especially women entering the work force in more ways). I also love that it uses the setting in a non-stereotypical way. Yes, this is the Roaring 20s, but no gangsters or flappers to be had here. And the setting matters, which I think is important in HR. The basic plot could happen in another time, but the setting isn’t just window dressing here: it influences how our characters act and think. chef’s kiss

Best Romantic Suspense - Nomination Thread
1st Place: Tinderbox by Rachel Grant, 2017; CR, M/F, Open Door; nominated by u/expatb

This was the first book that I read by Grant, based on a recommendation from this sub and it did not disappoint! I absolutely love reading about capable heroes and heroines. I also love when an author shows their intelligence on a topic and I fell that Grant’s experience as an archaeologist in the horn of Africa is apparent in this book. Talk about competence porn!
The fact that this book (and series) is set in an area that is not commonly seen in romance novels, and on that I admittedly know little about, made it so much better for me. I love having unique “experiences” through my reading when in reality I would most likely not be able to go to a place, etc.
The romance of this book is great! It’s hot and it front and center and quick and snappy. Just what I want when I want a plot with lots of action and some shenanigans.

2nd Place: The Search by Nora Roberts , 2010; CR, M/F, Open Door; nominated by u/expatb

This is probably one of the last books I’ve read by Roberts. I have since moved on from bingeing all of her books right as they hit the shelves. But she has to be acknowledged as an author who knows her craft. Admittedly, it’s been a long while since I’ve read this book, but I do have very distinct images and impressions in my head of when I read it. And I feel that that alone is a testament to Robert’s ability to create a story that sticks with you. The atmosphere that she created in this book is what sticks with me the most. In a suspense novel, I personally think that the atmosphere should be a leading character, and this book delivers. I also like to read about a character in distress and the love interest who doesn’t want anyone, but can’t help but make moves to protect the other. Swoon

3rd Place: Firestorm (Flashpoint #3) by Rachel Grant, 2018; CR, M/F, Open Door; nominated by u/seantheaussie

Contains a member of my Pantheon of Heroines and she, and her Hero, Get. Shit. Done. whether standing shoulder to shoulder, back to back or penis in vagina (to be honest only one thing gets accomplished in that last position, but it is VERY accomplished.)

Whew! If you've actually read through this whole thing, thank you! And I hope you enjoyed the past 10 weeks or so of discussions. Thanks again to all!
Edit: thanks for all the love! Hope this fills your TBR a bit more. Happy reading!!

my idea of romance is nothing short of a fairytale. everything is pretty as a pisces venus. i don’t like to follow rules, but we’ll make our own. dream along with me, because we’re about to go on a ride for a lifetime.
i need space, and will happily return the favor. giving you lots of room to breathe and be yourself. because i’m entranced with a life filled with love, art, nature, literature... everything dreamy. everything calm.
love letters. picnics. inside jokes. fluffy animals. common values. i was a poem, but you were a frog. CAN I MAKE IT ANYMORE OBVIOUS?
you’ll be everything that you are, and i’ll be everything that i am, and we’ll coexist together. for as long as our little infinity will last. and in a perfect world? i would live on your lap, because everything would be better from there. we would share forehead kisses. and hold hands and always! always! do the thumb thingy. and pinky promises? would be our legitimate foundation of trust. okay? and we’ll have a garden and we’ll grow together, literally and figuratively!!!
i’ll think about you forever, you can live in my head rent free. i’ll buy you flowers, and do so many romantic and thoughtful gestures for you because i’ll simply love you. and love you for letting me love you. and i’ll be kind to you, when days you aren’t kind to yourself. and i’ll validate you’re existence. and i’ll listen to your boundaries. and i’ll love you exactly how you teach me and want to be loved. and i’ll be your equal, and it’ll be us. and yri and kaeden and everyone in our family against the world! i’ll romanticize it all. every car ride we take? i’ll act like it’s the last scene of a coming of age movie! we’ll enjoy our favorite things like it’s the last time we’ll ever do them. bc who cares??!!!!!
i’d tell you about everything that i like. everything that i dislike. i’ll never stop talking. and i hope you never stop listening, because i have a lot to say. i’ll look at you and i’ll want to know everything about you. everyday that you’ve lived, every smile, every tear. every moment of happiness— you’ll be a wonderful mystery to me. but for now— i like drawing, i like painting, i like learning italian but only committing the curse words to memory, i want to learn to play the piano, i want to learn to sew, and when i meet you i’ll probably know how to do these already.
i’ll make playlists for you. btw i drive a little fast, but only because it feels like i’m flying, but i always use my blinkers! i think about running away with you to a cottage and deleting my digital footprint but knowing i need space to feel like me— this sounds obsessive but it doesn’t feel like it. we would fit all these moments into a ‘lifetime’, and it would be more than enough to cultivate all the experiences that would encompass our love. c.g jung once said “nothing is possible without love, not even the process of alchemy, for love puts one in the mood to risk everything and not withhold the important elements.”
don’t worry, you’ll receive plenty more love letters. you’ll be subjected to my random outbreaks of mamma mia songs. and sometimes i’ll just no longer exist. you’ll get a sneak peek of the entirety of what it’s like to be me. in a short summary: i wish i could be a fairy in the world of flowers.
i’ll always make time to love you, how you need to be loved. whether that’s differently each and every day. can we make heart shaped bread? this is a stream of consciousness, reminds me of ‘the sound and the fury’ god i hated high school. my heart will be so full of you i’ll hardly call it my own. CAN YOU TELL IM A PISCES? can you??? the hopeful romantic, hyperbolic, mind fucking you with—yri just fell out of her bed lololol— until you’re pregnant with emotion, birthing poetry.
i really love to study people and try to understand them for no reason other than understanding all the different variations of humans and uniqueness of every single individual. and i know when i look at you, i’ll see love, and it’ll seem like time will be frozen for us.
i’m not desperate to be in love, i’m just enjoying the present and living. that’s why this feels so warm but so distant. i hope you’ll enjoy being loved by a black woman, this black woman.

Hey there everyone! Lately I have been confused about my type, so I have turned to you guys to see if you can help me figure it out and lead me on the right track! I will do my best to respond to all questions in full detail to provide you with enough information! Without further ado, let's get started!
How old are you? What's your gender? Give us a general description of yourself.
I would prefer not to disclose my age, but I am a male student in high school, who enjoys music and reading an excessive number of books (is there such thing as an excessive number of books though?) I am tall compared to most, but there are a fair amount of boys my age who are taller than me.
• Is there a medical diagnosis that may impact your mental stability somehow?
I have met with clinical psychologists before on behalf of coping with some deep bellied anxiety and loneliness I hold, but I have not yet received a formal diagnosis.
• Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it?
My parents were never religious, so they never raised me to be. This resulted in a very flexible atmosphere around the house. Although my parents were lenient, they disciplined me and my brother, and I would say we have been raised well. I would often question their decisions and actions and would point out details that didn't make sense to me when they spoke. We would always sort things out and compromise though; our arguments were never prolonged, and would always be resolved in the end. When I entered the teenage years, I began to trust my parents less with my feelings, especially my mother. We are very close, but I keep very deep feelings close to my chest. One time, I learned that she was reading through text messages I had with my best where we talked about crushes and who we liked, with some advice exchanged between us. When I learned this, I was furious, more angry than I had ever been before. I was this angry because I felt as though my privacy was not only invaded, but was destroyed, with all walls being smashed by a wrecking ball. Me and my mother ended up resolving our issues, and she has grown to respect my privacy. We get along very well, and I talk to her about things more often now.
• If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?
Nowadays, I am finding that I am okay with the idea of spending a weekend in solitude after a long and busy week. However, anything longer than a weekend, I will begin to feel miserable, lonely and empty. After a weekend of solitude, I am usually ready to start the new week and socialize again, but long periods of time alone can be very, very harmful to my mental health. Winter break is especially dangerous for me, as I often feel very miserable with boredom throughout the two weeks off school and work. There would be days when I would just go from my bed, to the bathroom, and to the fridge, because doing anything more than that would feel like too much work. In retrospect, going back to school and work and routine would be the real break for me.
• What kinds of activities do you prefer? Do you like, and are you good at sports? Do you enjoy any other outdoor or indoor activities?
I was never into sports too much, mainly team ones. I enjoy being on a team, such as a marching band, theater company, or after school committee, but team sports always made me feel as though I was not competing against the other team, but rather I was competing against my teammates to be the best athletically and earn the most praise. Individual sports on the other hand were a competition with oneself, and whenever I did them, I got the feeling of challenging myself and improving my own abilities. There is no one to blame except yourself in an individual sport, which I find oddly humbling and peaceful. Skiing is my favorite sport/outdoor activity, as it gives me the opportunity to challenge my own physical ability, gives me a boost of adrenaline, helps to clear my mind, and is just a fun thing to do as a whole.
• How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?
I would consider myself a very curious person. Ever since I was young, I have loved exploring my environment and physical surroundings. I love to travel and see new places, and am often aware of how different environments make me feel. I love to explore with musical instruments too, and enjoy learning how they function and how to play them. I also have some conceptual curiosity, and enjoy playing with ideas and symbolism when it comes to dealing with real life situations. I am a deep thinker, and think about a lot of deep meaning behind things, and almost always look for what something represents as a whole (big picture kind of thinker). This has led me to sometimes be labelled as air-headed or absent minded. When it comes to ideas, I can sometimes expect too much from a situation due to my idealism. I am not one too suggest one million ideas if I don't think they are truly important, but my ideas are often unrealistic and difficult to execute.
• Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?
There is a large part of me that wants to be a leader, because I like the idea of guiding and leading others to a collective goal. I would enjoy being a leader because it would mean that others depend on me. I think I would be good at it, as my leadership style would be very democratic. I would want to hear everyone's ideas and opinions and ideas, so we could throw them all into a pot and pull out the best one. I also know that by being good to followers and listening to them as a leader will make them happy, and make them like you more. All in all I would say that I could be a leader, and I think I would be good at it (for some time at least).
• Are you coordinated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? Describe your activity?
I wouldn't consider myself very coordinated when it comes to working with my hands, likely due to my lack of experience. I enjoy doing activities with my hands, like playing a musical instrument, but I was never one for woodworking or handiwork. When it comes to movement, I would consider myself rather clumsy. Sometimes, I become so focused on doing something physical perfectly, that I end up throwing myself off, messing up, and looking like an idiot. This is likely due to my lack of kinesthetic knowledge, and lack of exposure to that field of activity. Compare my actions to my brother, who seems to do everything physical with ease.
• Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particular artistic but can appreciate art please likewise describe what forms of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer.
I am a real artsy-fartsy one that's for sure! I was never into drawing, but music, theater, and literature have always been a huge part of my life. Art acts as an outlet for me, where I can escape factual logic and the demands of reality to immerse myself in a new world where I can be myself. I love to play musical instruments, because I can often find myself resonating with music. I love performing for others, and whenever I finish a performance, I feel amazing because I know that I made my audience happy, and they are pleased and impressed. When you see me smile at the end of a performance, it is among one of the most genuine smiles I can make. When I play an instrument, or act on stage, or recite a poem, I feel happy knowing that I am expressing who I am through art, while making my audience happy.
• What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them?
I am always thinking about the future, and planning out what the next five years may look like for me. But I only like to think about my own idealistic future, reading about horrible events that could occur within the timeline between now and my future really puts a wrench in my system, and really makes me hurt. I don't like to think about the realistic future of the world, I like to think about my own future where I can find love and be happy and live in that small house in a quiet neighborhood, where I can go for walks with that special someone on cool fall mornings and warm summer evenings. Hearing about a "possible meteor strike in the next year or two or three" messes me up a lot, and often sends me into a pit of hopelessness. I enjoy thinking about the past, but it can make me really, really sentimental and nostalgic at times, which makes me very uncomfortable. About a year ago, my parents urged me to give away some toy trains that meant a lot to me when I was really young. They told me I could take them to a donation box, and although I liked the idea of bringing joy to another child, a large part of me pulled me away from doing so; I couldn't stop thinking about how the toys made me smile when I was a child, and how they acted as my only friends. I would remember those Saturday mornings in the living room, where I would build an entire train set and watch T.V. while my mother cooked breakfast and my father read in the study. These memories are too precious to simply let go of. I ended up sitting my parents down and telling them the whole story, and they understood completely. I ended up giving away some clothes I had outgrown to goodwill, and I remember feeling very content with myself after doing so.
• How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?
When others ask for help, I believe that it is my duty to provide them with it. Even if I really do not like the person, I feel like others will think I am mean or wrong for refusing to help them, even if I have a lot on my plate right now. I may feel miserable, tired, or unwillingly to assist them, but I will at least act warm and friendly and willing to help them. If I didn't decide to help them, it would likely be due to a major stressor that has really been bothering me (anxiety, overload of school work, etc), and made me almost disconnected from the situation. If I did decide to help them, it is due to my desire to be good, and be seen as a good person. For the most part, I am fairly open to helping others, because helping others makes me feel good and happy, as I am pleased knowing that others are getting help and are happy to receive my help; I like knowing that I am valued by others.
• Do you need logical consistency in your life?
I would say that logical consistency is nice, but it can sometimes ruin my idealistic, futuristic visions. I want things to make sense to me, and I value reasoning, but at the end of the day I will ultimately prioritize what is best for me, and what I truly want. When I was in elementary school, I was nicknamed "The Walking Encyclopedia", because I seemed to have some knowledge on most things at the time. I liked being called that, it made me feel like others valued me and looked at me as though I was important to them. As I got older, and still now, I am very hard on myself to live up to that title; my social status is important. In middle school, my brother got enrolled in the gifted program. I tried to be happy for him, but deep down, I was full of envy and worthlessness; I felt like I had no talent, and I could no longer live up to my nickname because there was actual facts that proved he was in a way smarter than me. Although I don't like to admit it now, I would often take out my own feelings on the external world, saying that the program was "outdated" and "inaccurate". I would be outrageously nit picky on myself, and whenever I made even the slightest logical mistake, a little voice in my head would say: "Ha, you think you're smart? Look at you making pathetic mistakes like that! Your brother wouldn't have made that mistake! Maybe you would have actually made it into the gifted program if you weren't such an airhead!"
• How important is efficiency and productivity to you?
I want things to get down quickly, and I can sometimes be commanding when in charge of a group, but I ultimately just want everyone to get along and for us to work towards a collective goal. I want things to get done, because it makes sense for them to get done ASAP, but I don't see a need to completely bulldoze others when it comes to getting things done. I see that as needless and mean, and I don't approve of people who are needlessly mean; there are other ways to get your point across than to just be mean and bossy. I like being productive, and I enjoy the feeling of keeping my life organized. I like helping others organize their lives and helping them achieve goals, because when I see someone who needs help, it only makes sense to me to help them with their problems related to organization.
• Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that?
I do sometimes control others, but I usually don't have any bad intentions or any desire to harm them. Sometimes, when I care a lot about someone, I can act like their manager, planning out their life and controlling decisions that they make. I think the reason I do this to people I am close with is because I fear they will both see no value in me and that they will do something stupid that could hurt them, which would make me feel awful, because I should have been there for them. I sometimes control situations because when surrounded by people I don't resonate with, I often delve into unhealthy behavior that resembles a superiority complex; I develop this belief that my logic and ethics will ultimately keep everyone safe and lead us to a similar goal. I know that many of these responses may leave the impression that I am a controlling, anxious, and obsessive person, but really, I just want to keep those I love safe. Sometimes it seems that no one is truly guiding them in the right direction, so I step in and do the job.
• What are your hobbies? Why do you like them?
My main hobby is music, as it has always been a major part of my life. I love to play instruments and I like the idea of making an object sing and produce wonderful melodies. That idea is beautiful in my mind. I also like music because I like the idea of supporting traditional music and keeping such an important piece of culture alive. It has always been a part of my life, since I was young, and I was eager to learn a lot from a young age. I am currently in my school's marching band, concert band, jazz band, and percussion ensemble. Music is a hobby that allows me to channel my emotions and feelings through sound and melodies; I am so thankful it has been a part of my life.
• What is your learning style? What kind of learning environments do you struggle with most? Why do you like/struggle with these learning styles? Do you prefer classes involving memorization, logic, creativity, or your physical senses?
When it comes to learning, I learn best through reading and writing thoughts, and my intelligence style is heavily oriented around linguistics. I was never a hands on person when it came to class (unless of course it was music), I was never into shop or tech classes, and I have to accept that I am just not good at that type of work. Classes that involve intense mathematical logic require a lot of effort from me; my mathematics and science marks are good, but I had to work really, really hard to get those marks. Classes such as English, history, social science, and foreign languages are some of my favorites, as I simply love literature, reading, and expressing my thoughts and opinions through writing and speaking. I think I have always liked these classes because as a child, writing felt like an escape for me, and when I read through a work of literature, I felt like I was being taken into another world where the demands of reality were not present. When I wrote stories or poems, I felt like I was creating a new world free of logical rules, where I was in complete power over what was created in the world I designed through my words.
• What are your aspirations in life, professionally and personally?
One of my main goals in life is to find someone who loves me, who I can love too. This may sound romantic, but it is true. In terms of goals, I prioritize finding love over being highly successful. Happiness and love is above all for me. Secondly, I want to of course be successful and have a job that once again, makes me happy first and foremost. I would say that in life my main goal is to form a strong relationship with someone special. However, I don't share this goal with other people, as I am afraid they will judge me, and my social image will be ruined. I fear that it will make me look soft or too idealistic or romantic, which I think that others think is weird. My social image is a strong person who wants to be successful, and wants to motivate others to be successful. What really hurts is that when I do motivate others, I always tell them to focus on school and being successful and ambitious, but I myself do not have that as my main goal. This eats at me, because I constantly feel as if it is wrong to "lie" to others, but I also fear being judged by others if I tell them my desire to find love. This has created immense conflict in my life.
• What are your fears? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you hate? Why?
I fear a lot of things, and many things make me uncomfortable. My main fear in life is never finding love, because having no one to love me or give love to would mean that I have lost value. I want to be accepted and loved for who I am, and being without that for my entire life would be a fate worse than death (that may be hyperbole, but it is the best way I can describe it). I also fear being judged by others or embarrassing myself, because I don't want others to think I am a incapable, weak, or just a fool. Although I often don't act it, I am very wary of being seen as weird by others; I would rather just be seen as normal and left to my own devices than be glared at in the hallways. Another fear of mine is the fear of becoming an evil or mean person. Every time I make a decision, a little voice in my head tries to weigh the fairness and moral goodness of my choices, and I often second guess myself and wonder if my choice was truly the best for the greater good. I can't think of many things that make me very uncomfortable off the top of my head. If I had to say something that I hate, I hate people who lack tact just for the sake of it, for no real good reason. I also hate people who label themselves as "edgy" because they think it is cool and makes them unique but in reality, they are just rude people who don't really go out of their way to give back anything to anyone. And no one can tell them off because that would be considered discriminatory and neglectful of their "personality". I get that it might be your personality (or fake persona), but no one likes mean people, and mean and rude people should spend their time reflecting on their actions and improving their personality instead of just being mean.
• What do the "highs" in your life look like?
-Confidence, community involvement, structured routine, high awareness of environment and how to control it, awareness of other's emotions with knowledge on how to respond to them, healthy balance between selflessness and knowing what is truly best for me personally, creativity; lots of ideas being shared, high productivity, ability to look at a situation rationally.
• What do the "lows" in your life look like?
-Loneliness, shame, guilt over not being selfless enough, staying in my room all day, spending a long time just staring at a project instead of actually doing it, isolation, immature emotions, defensive of my own logic, unawareness of my surroundings and caught in a world of idealism, manipulating and controlling others, anxiety and overthinking negative outcomes in the future, a strong desire to be perfect
• Imagine you are alone in a blank, empty room. There is nothing for you to do and no one to talk to. What do you think about?
If I were in this situation, I would probably think about people, and I would daydream about them. This may sound childish, but sometimes when I am bored, I imagine the people I love most in my life in a different world with me; a world designed by me where I have complete control, and all my problems are fixed, and everyone loves me for who I am. Eventually, this would bore me, and I would probably start to feel depressed for a while, thinking about how none of it is real, and the people who I want to love me will never love me in reality. The entire situation would be somewhat of a nightmare for me, as I would need something to keep myself occupied when my thoughts no longer entertain me. Give me a good book or some blank pieces of paper and markers and I should be able to last a few hours before I completely lose it.
• How long do you take to process your emotions? How important are emotions in your life?
When it comes to processing my emotions, it all depends on the situation. When people open up to about their feelings for me, I go into full out panic mode. When this happens I usually need to seek refuge in other people and ask for their advice, as well as just tell them how the situation is making me feel. I don't want to hurt the person's feelings, but I also don't want to ignore them or lie to them, which would mean I am hurting them. I often turn to other for help when it comes to processing my emotions, and after a long day, I just need to vent about everyone and everything that bothered me that day. The feelings I do keep very close to my chest are romantic feelings about others, as I am afraid of being judged for who I am and what I want. The only person I talk to about these feelings is my best friend (ENFJ), who has always supported me throughout life.
• Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why?
Oh boy, I do this a lot of the time. This is usually due to not wanting to spark conflict and having to argue with them, or deal with their emotions. There was one person in my life who was very sensitive to anything I said that was remotely against what she was saying. If I didn't agree with her, she would take it as a personal attack, and would begin to say that I was "insensitive" and "unwilling to listen to anyone". There would be the odd time she would tell others lies about me. One time, she went up to a...person...who I admired for a long time (over a year). This occurred at the end of last school year, and they have avoided me since. This made me angry, but mostly sad, and I felt like a freak for how I felt. So yes, to sum things up, I would say that I tend to agree with others in conversation often, as I am afraid they will get angry at me or say something bad about me if I speak up to them or disagree with them.
• Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why?
I don't break rules a lot, simply because it doesn't make sense to break rules needlessly without good reason. I have a bad habit of looking down on people who choose not to follow rules, but sometimes I just don't understand why it is so hard for people to just get along with authority when it makes sense to. Although I follow rules when it makes sense to, I am not afraid to challenge the beliefs and interests of authority members in a formal manner, and am willing to point out small details in their points that are logically inconsistent. Other times, I simply point out the unfairness of a belief and will call them out on not being fair to the group.
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Well, there you have it! That took me a few days! I worked really hard on the answers and am eager to hear back from you on what you suggest my type may be! Please explain what made you believe my type was using cognitive functions and specific examples from my responses. Enneagram type suggestion are appreciated too! I am sorry for any grammatical or sentence structure errors, I don't have time to thoroughly revise all of my responses. Once more, I am excited to hear from you and am appreciative of your help!
Thanks a bunch,
Will

This movie is completely self-aware about the question of who deserves to live where. It is at once an argument that there is something special about home, something that goes beyond the name on a deed to a house, and also a recognition that nothing is permanent and that there's a fallacy in seeing the past with rose-colored glasses. It makes a deeply poignant point about the lies we tell ourselves to feel like our connection to a place is special enough that we deserve something for it.
It's also absolutely breathtaking. We've all seen the postcard shots of SF in cinema that make it seem like a beautiful fairy tale. But this movie shows the real beauty of SF - the golden afternoon light casting off the façade of a Victorian row home or a Tenderloin SRO. Contemplatively soaking in the view while you wait far too long for a Muni bus. The parade of vagrants lining the stairway into the metro. The theater that is the sidewalk, full of eccentrics. The fake cable car party bus full of Marina bros singing along to a techno remix of a '60s ballad. And yes, the crazy person accosting you on the street. All if it is there.
It's a love letter to the city, but the kind of love letter you'd write after a breakup. One that expresses a deep undying love in terms of honesty and frustration rather than hyperbole and mushy sappery.
I was born and raised in SF, a few years before the filmmakers, and grew up in a house similar to the one depicted in the film. I am privileged enough that my family was never in a position to lose that house, and my parents still live there today, but growing up in SF public schools I watched many of my high school friends either move as their families gave up on the city, or be displaced through evictions or other informal displacement processes. This movie doesn't cast blame. It doesn't have a cheap-shot "bad guy" apart from a smarmy SF native real estate shark, but even then he's depicted as a natural result of the circumstances, and a human one.
It's about what gentrification feels like when you're not on the benefitting side of it. It's not a backlash. It's not an attack. It's a two-hour long visual poem about a personal lived experience.
My biggest fear about this movie is that none of the people who could stand to empathize with that lived experience, and understand better what these changes we've seen feel like when you're in someone else's shoes, will bother to see the film.
So if your first inclination upon hearing about this film was to get defensive, or to question the premise, or to dismiss it with the oft-cited line "well San Francisco is always changing, what makes this guy so special?" then you owe it to yourself to see this film. You will understand the city better, and you'll probably appreciate it more too.
source: https://www.reddit.com/bayarea/comments/byzzgi/last_black_man_in_san_francisco_is_the_most/

This movie is completely self-aware about the question of who deserves to live where. It is at once an argument that there is something special about home, something that goes beyond the name on a deed to a house, and also a recognition that nothing is permanent and that there's a fallacy in seeing the past with rose-colored glasses. It makes a deeply poignant point about the lies we tell ourselves to feel like our connection to a place is special enough that we deserve something for it.
It's also absolutely breathtaking. We've all seen the postcard shots of SF in cinema that make it seem like a beautiful fairy tale. But this movie shows the real beauty of SF - the golden afternoon light casting off the façade of a Victorian row home or a Tenderloin SRO. Contemplatively soaking in the view while you wait far too long for a Muni bus. The parade of vagrants lining the stairway into the metro. The theater that is the sidewalk, full of eccentrics. The fake cable car party bus full of Marina bros singing along to a techno remix of a '60s ballad. And yes, the crazy person accosting you on the street. All if it is there.
It's a love letter to the city, but the kind of love letter you'd write after a breakup. One that expresses a deep undying love in terms of honesty and frustration rather than hyperbole and mushy sappery.
I was born and raised in SF, a few years before the filmmakers, and grew up in a house similar to the one depicted in the film. I am privileged enough that my family was never in a position to lose that house, and my parents still live there today, but growing up in SF public schools I watched many of my high school friends either move as their families gave up on the city, or be displaced through evictions or other informal displacement processes. This movie doesn't cast blame. It doesn't have a cheap-shot "bad guy" apart from a smarmy SF native real estate shark, but even then he's depicted as a natural result of the circumstances, and a human one.
It's about what gentrification feels like when you're not on the benefitting side of it. It's not a backlash. It's not an attack. It's a two-hour long visual poem about a personal lived experience.
My biggest fear about this movie is that none of the people who could stand to empathize with that lived experience, and understand better what these changes we've seen feel like when you're in someone else's shoes, will bother to see the film.
So if your first inclination upon hearing about this film was to get defensive, or to question the premise, or to dismiss it with the oft-cited line "well San Francisco is always changing, what makes this guy so special?" then you owe it to yourself to see this film. You will understand the city better, and you'll probably appreciate it more too.