12x8 slant roof shed pictures
[SF] Fence in the Zoo
2024.05.19 17:56 No_Huckleberry_6601 [SF] Fence in the Zoo
Mikan has a habit of pondering many things while waiting for her mother to use the restroom. It is not aimless daydreaming, but rather akin to how some people would keep different books by their bedside, toilet, and office. Mikan always use this time to think about light but continuous things. Typically, she'd spend three to five minutes, with the first minute warming up, recalling where she left off in the book from the last time, then staring at her nails, progressing her thoughts bit by bit.
She developed this habit during her first visit to the zoo. That spring, she graduated from kindergarten, and before leaving the house, her mother was in front of the mirror, adjusting Mikan’s elementary school uniform. The zoo was on a seaside cliff, connected to the foot of the mountain by a narrow path lined with cherry blossoms. Children of all ages sat on the steps, waiting for a gust of wind to blow so they could shout for their mothers to take pictures. Mikan buried her head and walked up, thinking the others were childish. At that time, her father was still young; his neck had not yet thickened, and his eyelids had not drooped. When they left, she asked her mother who the strange uncle was, the one who knew so much about giraffes. She couldn’t remember how her mother answered, but she remembered seeing a kitten lying on the hillside, showing its belly to the sunset, making her exclaim "wow" to the cherry blossoms. From that day on, one weekend a month, she would go to the zoo with her mother to meet her father. During the time her mother was in the restroom, Mikan used it to think about the kitten. She had imagined raising three kittens: the first was tortoiseshell, then an orange one like her surname, and the latest was another tortoiseshell. Each cat lived for twelve years, and she thought about the world and herself thirty-six years later.
She didn’t always think about cats. Occasionally, when she didn’t go with her mother, she would talk with her classmates about how they envied the animals in the zoo, like gorillas and hyenas. Although there were no lions or tigers, there were lynxes. They looked so ugly, walking on all fours all their lives, but they were lucky to live by the sea and enjoy the sea breeze for a lifetime. The crude boys in her class would retort, saying, "Yeah, yeah, they can even poop directly into the sea."
After graduation, she never saw that boy again. All the boys would go to Tokyo when they were young; that was the rule. Only when they were old and decrepit would they be reluctantly sent back by the younger ones. But she often thought about that classmate. By the time she raised her third cat, he might have come back. When she saw the sea again, the image of a smooth butt hanging over the cliff came to mind. When she got into Waseda University, she told her mother that she might consider marrying that classmate.
When Mikan was little, she secretly asked her father how he fell in love with her mother. The primate area always had a strange smell, between animal and human. Her mother didn’t like the smell, standing five meters away near the door for ventilation (they couldn’t go further in because they were not allowed to meet outside the guardian’s sight; that was the rule). She didn’t remember what her father said, but she remembered pressing her hand against the glass, with an orangutan looking at her disdainfully. She felt like she was the one being watched. But her father must have said something, without hesitation, as if talking about a daily matter. It was too mundane, overshadowed by the contemptuous orangutan in her memory.
Influenced by her mother, Mikan also didn’t like the smell of the primate area. It wasn’t that it was unpleasant; it was like touching the residual warmth of someone who just left their seat, the mixed smell of decaying wood and butter in old temples, awkward and cautious. The only chance she almost had to be alone with that classmate was during a field trip. Both happened to be lingering at the entrance of the primate area. Mikan was there first, then the boy appeared behind her, peeking around. The introduction at the entrance had been scanned five or six times. Inside, the darkness reminded Mikan of the anteater’s mouth she had just seen. The boy asked, “Are you afraid to go in?” Mikan replied, “Of course not.” The boy retorted, “Coward, the teacher said not to wander off; you definitely won’t dare.” Mikan suddenly felt annoyed and walked in. When she reached the orangutan’s window and looked back, the boy had already disappeared. Mikan thought, childish.
One summer, a cat sneaked into the zoo and was brutally tortured by baboons before being killed. Mikan learned about it from the morning paper, crumbs scattered on it. The front page was about US-Japan trade friction, followed by news about Tokyo, Syria, obituaries, nuclear, and the next Olympics’ sailing event being held on the local beach. The news was arranged from far to near, and finally, in the middle column, she saw this news.
"Such a pity, so sad, so heartbreaking, so infuriating." She inhaled deeply and exhaled.
She didn’t know what this incident meant for the townspeople. Didn’t the middle column mean it was unimportant? She didn’t understand, but the townspeople seemed outraged, eventually passing a resolution to lower the male zoo supervision age to fourteen. The next day, this proposal moved to the front page, although not the headline, it stood alongside news from the US and Europe.
But this wasn’t a distant matter for her. Recently, she had joined the baseball team because that boy also loved baseball. At a celebration party, when discussing future high schools, he talked eagerly about a famous school in Tokyo, jokingly preparing for life there. Everyone laughed at this joke.
The front-page news explained the lawmakers' logic: due to men’s violence and animalistic nature, our country decided to confine men in zoos years ago, something we have always been proud of. Over the years, many outstanding women have joined the country to restrain their husbands' potential harm to the world. But our solution isn’t perfect. When does a child become a man? The radicals believe it’s at adulthood, at twenty, the legal marriage age. Conservatives argue that maleness is in the chromosomes and should be separated at the hospital. The incident with the baboons harming the cat further proves the harm of violence and animality to civilization. We should be more cautious and responsible. Thus, in our town, the second sex characteristic is used as the basis for identifying males.
This event was written into textbooks, leading to significant zoo renovations. Besides old mothers bringing their children to see their fathers, the zoo now provided spaces for the new generation of women to date their boyfriends in the park. For the town’s zoo, this room added at the end of the primate area, with rain hitting the iron roof, animal calls (and conversations from the men’s park) and the sound of waves hitting the cliffs, seemed far from a suitable place for romance. Mikan had never been there.
She never saw that boy again, though he didn’t play baseball. He likely lived the life he joked about, pooping off the cliff.
When her mother came out of the restroom, Mikan was imagining holding the tortoiseshell cat that had just died. She remembered her father saying that the zoo’s most famous animal was a giraffe, but it was a specimen, transported from Tokyo Zoo, always standing in the most conspicuous place. He saw it every morning as if it were still alive. She asked if he would become a specimen too, but she couldn’t remember his answer (she always remembered her questions but not others’ answers).
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She developed this habit during her first visit to the zoo. That spring, she graduated from kindergarten, and before leaving the house, her mother was in front of the mirror, adjusting Mikan’s elementary school uniform. The zoo was on a seaside cliff, connected to the foot of the mountain by a narrow path lined with cherry blossoms. Children of all ages sat on the steps, waiting for a gust of wind to blow so they could shout for their mothers to take pictures. Mikan buried her head and walked up, thinking the others were childish. At that time, her father was still young; his neck had not yet thickened, and his eyelids had not drooped. When they left, she asked her mother who the strange uncle was, the one who knew so much about giraffes. She couldn’t remember how her mother answered, but she remembered seeing a kitten lying on the hillside, showing its belly to the sunset, making her exclaim "wow" to the cherry blossoms. From that day on, one weekend a month, she would go to the zoo with her mother to meet her father. During the time her mother was in the restroom, Mikan used it to think about the kitten. She had imagined raising three kittens: the first was tortoiseshell, then an orange one like her surname, and the latest was another tortoiseshell. Each cat lived for twelve years, and she thought about the world and herself thirty-six years later.
She didn’t always think about cats. Occasionally, when she didn’t go with her mother, she would talk with her classmates about how they envied the animals in the zoo, like gorillas and hyenas. Although there were no lions or tigers, there were lynxes. They looked so ugly, walking on all fours all their lives, but they were lucky to live by the sea and enjoy the sea breeze for a lifetime. The crude boys in her class would retort, saying, "Yeah, yeah, they can even poop directly into the sea."
After graduation, she never saw that boy again. All the boys would go to Tokyo when they were young; that was the rule. Only when they were old and decrepit would they be reluctantly sent back by the younger ones. But she often thought about that classmate. By the time she raised her third cat, he might have come back. When she saw the sea again, the image of a smooth butt hanging over the cliff came to mind. When she got into Waseda University, she told her mother that she might consider marrying that classmate.
When Mikan was little, she secretly asked her father how he fell in love with her mother. The primate area always had a strange smell, between animal and human. Her mother didn’t like the smell, standing five meters away near the door for ventilation (they couldn’t go further in because they were not allowed to meet outside the guardian’s sight; that was the rule). She didn’t remember what her father said, but she remembered pressing her hand against the glass, with an orangutan looking at her disdainfully. She felt like she was the one being watched. But her father must have said something, without hesitation, as if talking about a daily matter. It was too mundane, overshadowed by the contemptuous orangutan in her memory.
Influenced by her mother, Mikan also didn’t like the smell of the primate area. It wasn’t that it was unpleasant; it was like touching the residual warmth of someone who just left their seat, the mixed smell of decaying wood and butter in old temples, awkward and cautious. The only chance she almost had to be alone with that classmate was during a field trip. Both happened to be lingering at the entrance of the primate area. Mikan was there first, then the boy appeared behind her, peeking around. The introduction at the entrance had been scanned five or six times. Inside, the darkness reminded Mikan of the anteater’s mouth she had just seen. The boy asked, “Are you afraid to go in?” Mikan replied, “Of course not.” The boy retorted, “Coward, the teacher said not to wander off; you definitely won’t dare.” Mikan suddenly felt annoyed and walked in. When she reached the orangutan’s window and looked back, the boy had already disappeared. Mikan thought, childish.
One summer, a cat sneaked into the zoo and was brutally tortured by baboons before being killed. Mikan learned about it from the morning paper, crumbs scattered on it. The front page was about US-Japan trade friction, followed by news about Tokyo, Syria, obituaries, nuclear, and the next Olympics’ sailing event being held on the local beach. The news was arranged from far to near, and finally, in the middle column, she saw this news.
"Such a pity, so sad, so heartbreaking, so infuriating." She inhaled deeply and exhaled.
She didn’t know what this incident meant for the townspeople. Didn’t the middle column mean it was unimportant? She didn’t understand, but the townspeople seemed outraged, eventually passing a resolution to lower the male zoo supervision age to fourteen. The next day, this proposal moved to the front page, although not the headline, it stood alongside news from the US and Europe.
But this wasn’t a distant matter for her. Recently, she had joined the baseball team because that boy also loved baseball. At a celebration party, when discussing future high schools, he talked eagerly about a famous school in Tokyo, jokingly preparing for life there. Everyone laughed at this joke.
The front-page news explained the lawmakers' logic: due to men’s violence and animalistic nature, our country decided to confine men in zoos years ago, something we have always been proud of. Over the years, many outstanding women have joined the country to restrain their husbands' potential harm to the world. But our solution isn’t perfect. When does a child become a man? The radicals believe it’s at adulthood, at twenty, the legal marriage age. Conservatives argue that maleness is in the chromosomes and should be separated at the hospital. The incident with the baboons harming the cat further proves the harm of violence and animality to civilization. We should be more cautious and responsible. Thus, in our town, the second sex characteristic is used as the basis for identifying males.
This event was written into textbooks, leading to significant zoo renovations. Besides old mothers bringing their children to see their fathers, the zoo now provided spaces for the new generation of women to date their boyfriends in the park. For the town’s zoo, this room added at the end of the primate area, with rain hitting the iron roof, animal calls (and conversations from the men’s park) and the sound of waves hitting the cliffs, seemed far from a suitable place for romance. Mikan had never been there.
She never saw that boy again, though he didn’t play baseball. He likely lived the life he joked about, pooping off the cliff.
When her mother came out of the restroom, Mikan was imagining holding the tortoiseshell cat that had just died. She remembered her father saying that the zoo’s most famous animal was a giraffe, but it was a specimen, transported from Tokyo Zoo, always standing in the most conspicuous place. He saw it every morning as if it were still alive. She asked if he would become a specimen too, but she couldn’t remember his answer (she always remembered her questions but not others’ answers).
2024.05.19 08:35 Heroman3003 Taking Care of Broken Birds [Part 3]
More misery bird? More misery bird. Really miserymaxxing with these fics I have going, but hey, this one is not that miserable actually! Krekos is back and ready to be dense and downcast, but maybe not quite miserable? Read and see!
Big thank you to NoP community for being great and supportive of my endeavors!
Also, obviously, big thanks to SpacePaladin15 for creating this universe and allowing fanfiction well to flow free!
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Memory transcription subject: Krekos, Krakotl Refugee
Date [standardized human time]: May 6th, 2137
I stare at the foul creature before me. Normally staring at something directly head on like that would be too predatory for me to do, but after nearly dying of bread yesterday, I didn’t feel patient enough to be gentle. The creature stared right back, though in a much more natural, prey-like way, tilting its head slightly as it looked back at me with one eye and let out a long bwok.
“Are you doing this now? Really?”, I ask, knowing full well it cannot respond.
Well, it can, if another bwok it made is any indication. Of course, translators aren’t yet advanced enough to translate non-sapient speech, but the intention behind sound is intuitively clear. It’s telling me to back off. Well, I tried the diplomatic approach at least.
Raising my wing I begin sliding the bird out of its nest, careful to keep any delicate joints out of its reach. It started clucking in upset indignation, struggling back and even trying to peck at me, but after realizing that I will not relent, it hopped out of the box and rushed out of the cattle house, revealing a single dead egg in the nesting box.
With relief, I finally pick up the last egg and head back to leave them at the house. Turns out that while Reginald didn’t forget to both lock them up yesterday and let them out today, he did neglect feeding them both times, as well as collecting the harvest. So when I was driven back here in early morning, the first thing I did was making sure they were taken care of. I can’t say the horrid birds looked in any way hungry, but the moment I poured the feeding grain for them, they attacked it with more viciousness than I’d expect of an actual predator. And yet only thirteen were present at the feeding, as the one that’s usually the target of flock’s ire remained in the cattle house yet again, Reginald leaving it to it, being unaware of its undesirable habit of trying to hatch dead eggs.
With eggs delivered, I flew my way to my usual spot atop the cattle house and could finally relax. The loner beast first made its way to feast on the scraps of the grain that other birds already all have had their fill of, so I wasn’t too concerned. Instead I tried to reflect on the morning I had so far.
Waking up at the hospital did make me momentarily panic before I remembered the precluding events. Not that I could properly panic, feeling the most starved I’ve been my whole life, and too weak to try flying out of the window. Thankfully, the breakfast they provided was actually well made with krakotl needs in mind, algae soup alongside a few slices of bread, this time without any horrid human ideas like putting eggs in there. Eggs! Turns out they put eggs in some kinds of bread! That’s how I got sick! Eggs! The thought of what I consumed even now made me queasy, and it definitely made breakfast a much less appetizing affair than it would have been without that knowledge, but back then the hunger won over the disgust.
Lena did keep her promise and came to pick me up extra early. Her being a staff member at the hospital gave her some extra privilege, I assume, hence why I was released without any forms needing to be filled out personally. She did have important business today too, which probably explained the earlyness and urgency of her driving me back to her house.
That did not mean I escaped her ire, however. While I couldn’t pinpoint anything to identify the man, as Bob was apparently a common name, that offered me bread, we did come to understanding that he was likely either unaware of the nutritional contents of it, or of extent to which the Cure-induced allergy would be affecting a krakotl. Yet, Lena seemed much angrier at me for failing to take any precautions. Turns out that was the purpose of medicinal injectors, epipens as humans call them, that were provided to me. I was supposed to have them on me in case I accidentally ingested contaminated food. Nobody told me that, I was just handed them back when I first received the necessities at the refugee camp and I had no clue what they were for. Then she also berated me for eating random food from strangers and ignoring bad flavors. Turns out that brioche bread isn’t actually bitter at all, and that was my body reacting to an allergen in it. Reaction that I unwisely elected to ignore, to further ire of my host. By the end, several new rules of my stay here were made, including not eating things I don’t know and always having at least one epipen on me. Thankfully, these rules would be ones I’d start following even without them being established, so I won’t have to concern myself with being kicked out over accidentally breaking them.
As if following the rules will be enough to make them like you.
Trying to distract myself from thoughts of yesterday’s incident, I focused my attention on the flock. All birds accounted for, so at least I knew that my absence did not result in the predator coming to snatch one of them. I do not wish to insult my hosts, but Reginald is far from most attentive people in matters unrelated to his job, and I am not sure the birds were watched at all while I was out. Speaking of, my scannings of surrounding treelines revealed no sign of the predator today. Perhaps it departed to hunt elsewhere, or maybe it ventured too close to a more populated area and exterminators dealt with it.
Actually, did human exterminators work similar to Federation ones? I knew for a fact they had them, although they seemed like a market of private organizations if advertisements are anything to judge by. Still, what methods do they use? I know humans oppose fire, and do not believe in predatory taint, but surely they have measures to protect themselves? They are, by self-admission, far from the best natural predator, and I doubt Earth’s non-sapient predators would just leave humans be. Maybe I should call one of those human exterminator agencies and call them in to deal with that predator? I haven’t told Lena or Reginald about it, as I didn’t want to bother them, but it could pose a serious threat to the cattle, but maybe that’s the way I could resolve it without involving them?
I have not done nearly as much research into human culture and lifestyle as I should have, considering that I’ve lived on Earth for over half a year now, but the sheer width of the topic always overwhelmed me the moment I opened internet search app to the point where I just closed it right away.
And you expect to start studying again with that attitude? You’ll flunk out even from this primitive predator education course.
Extra loud call from the flock made me refocus my attention on them, but it was nothing. Just the loner getting pecked extra hard and lashing out against assailants, causing a small aimless stampede as all the birds ran around in circles, puffing up at one another. The assailants now looked a lot more like victims. I could understand those birds more than I could humans at least. The loner bird is clearly an odd one out. It’s the only one repeatedly trying to hatch unfertilized eggs it lays, and it seems to always avoid the rest of the flock. Humans may deny the existence of Predator Disease, but they can’t deny that prey and predator both can and will sometimes behave in unnatural ways that may threaten the herd's safety. Or pack’s, in case of humans. Birds must know on instinctual level that the loner’s behavior is unnatural and are attempting to combat the Predator Disease on instinctual level. And since that is natural, I still will not interfere in this, unless the loner bird actually becomes a threat to others or will start getting too injured. The first time I attempted to pick one of the birds up was the only time for a good reason, as I have learned their viciousness all too well.
DING-DING
The sudden loud ring startled me enough that I nearly tumbled off the roof. Who would be coming over now? Lena and Reginald have left together and shouldn’t be back until afternoon, and they’d never use the bell. That means someone must be here for them. But wouldn’t they warn anyone to not come over? Especially with their plans for today.
With nobody to answer these questions, I had no choice but to go and discover the answer myself, flying up and over the house, towards the entrance gate. The moment I passed the house roof, I already saw a familiar silhouette. It was the human child from a few days ago.
Thankfully, Lena’s insistence on me carrying an epipen at all times meant I also carried my satchel at all times too, so I didn’t have to go grabbing my holopad, and took it out. But before I could even launch the translator TTS app to type out a greeting, the child was already hopping in place with excitement.
“Mr. Krekos! Hi! I came over to visit!”, she exclaimed, showing off her teeth in an unnerving expression of human joy. I simply tried to avoid that and focused on the pad, typing out my response.
“Hello, Rosie. Why are you here?”
The question was genuine, as the child was not carrying any more of that honey substance from last time.
“I just came over to visit you! Is that okay? Are Mr. and Ms. Vince okay with it?”
Visit... me? Why? While I was confused, I did instinctively type out a reply.
“They did tell me visitors are allowed as long as there’s no trouble when I first moved in.”
And before I could type a followup message asking her why she’s here, she already let out a joyous roar and ran past me.
“Can I see the chickens?”, she asked, and not waiting for an answer, rushed past the house and towards the cattle yard.
“Wait! You’ll scare them!”, I yell after her, but of course without a translator she can’t understand me as she runs like she already knows where to go.
And indeed she has, quickly rushing up to the open field where the birds were grazing. Thankfully she didn’t start chasing them, instead just approaching the flock from a distance and swaying in place, watching them with what I assume was some sort of predatory excitement at the sight of prey. Maybe that’s where the contained hunting instinct of human children showed themselves? In chasing small birds? I was still more subdued, considering she stopped shy of causing a small stampede, but still.
“Grandpa used to take me with him! He helped watch this farm until Mr. and Ms. Vince moved in. I like chickens! I think they’re cute.”, the child told me innocently as she kept swaying and watching as the beasts grazed upon insects of the pasture.
That revelation was... interesting. I suppose it makes sense that between the original owner of this land dying in the bombings and Lena and Reginald moving in, it would be unattended. With nobody to feed and watch over those things, they would be long dead for sure. And it was Rosie’s grandfather... Speaking of. I typed out my words.
“Does your grandfather know you’re here?”
She seemed to get a weird look as she stopped her excited swaying, fiddling with her hands instead. Looks like I asked the correct question.
“...he knows I am out visiting neighbors.”
That did not answer my question. I squinted at the human child, and she dipped her head as she continued.
“...he doesn’t know I’m here specifically. Or that an alien even lives here...”, she explained, her tone suddenly more sullen.
I couldn’t help but squint at that, and it appears that my expression was readable enough that even a human could see the suspicion, as she continued.
“I’m sorry... But if I told grandpa, he’d tell me I’m forbidden from talking to you, like he forbade me from talking to hedgehog people in town... But I want to talk to you! You’re nice and you’re a space bird!”
The child was actually working around the rules established by her guardian to come see me. I don’t know if I should be glad or concerned. Clearly, the man is anti-alien in his opinions, and I’d rather that kind of man not know about how close he lives to one. At the same time, I’d rather not encourage a child for lying to their guardian in order to meet a stranger they know they aren’t allowed to interact with... So I just took the middle path with my next message.
“I see. What did you want to talk to me about then?”, TTS speaks for me.
Her stiffened body language disappears, replaced again with earlier excitement.
“I wanna know more about space! And aliens! It’s all so cool but grandpa says it’s all dangerous because mom and dad died. But it’s not! The hedgehog people were nice, and you’re nice too!”
I wasn’t sure about that logic, but my self-preservation told me I shouldn’t try convincing her to go confessing. Instead I focused more on her chosen topic.
“I am not sure I am the best person to ask about space. I am not a scientist or traveler.”
“But you’re from there! You know way more than me. I don’t even know what you are called. And there’s gotta be cool things out in space!”
I let out a sigh. I suppose it’s childlike curiosity at its finest. So unfamiliar with mundane that it is a wonder. I remember being like that about becoming a doctor.
And then you let your teacher die.
I quickly tapped on the pad.
“Okay, I can answer questions, but I may not know everything.”
The noise that came out of the girl was like a squeal of a panicked dossur as she started hopping and spinning in place.
“Yes! Yes! Thank you, Mr. Krekos!” Sudden movement did cause me to recoil a bit, which in turn caused her to cease her happy flailing and adjust her little dress. “I dunno where to start though... Hm... What are you?”
...for all my trepidation about not knowing answers, I should have anticipated that the questions she asks will be rather age-appropriate and on the same level as we learn in our first school classes. At least I won’t disappoint her then.
“I am from a species called ‘krakotl’. We’re avians, as is obvious. Our home is...”dead, gone, reduced to glass and ash by our own hubris “...was Nishtal. A beautiful planet...”
Thankfully she did not question my hesitant pause. Instead she just nodded along.
“What about the hedgehog people? I already know venlil, but they’re the only ones I know name of.”
Hedgehog people in town she mentioned earlier. The only species I could think of that could be seen there would be the gojid. I have no clue what hedgehogs are, but probably some creature with visible similarity to them.
“They are called ‘gojid’, and they’re from gojid Cradle. Both of our species are... well, used to be known for our might and protecting other species of Federation.”
I am not sure if that’s something to brag about, considering... everything. But I didn’t want this child to get brought down with depressing regrets of our species. Let her know something nicer instead. She clearly lost a lot, but there’s still joy left in her. I wouldn’t want to be the one to ruin that.
“Cool! What about other people? I wanna know more!”
And so I went on, telling her about various species, although I mostly focused on ones in this new human-led union, only mentioning kolshians and farsul beyond that. It’s weird explaining to a child what a tilfish or a harchen looks like, but thankfully my holopad isn’t just a method of communicating with implant-less children. With access to interstellar web, I could easily pull up pictures of various alien species to show to her, even if she struggled to believe that some of them were even sapient purely based off of looks. With how varied species in Federation are, and how some of us admittedly aren’t too far physiologically from our more primal ancestors.
Among other topics, she asked me to tell her interesting things, which I didn’t know much of. I told her about Venlil Prime’s tidally locked status, a rarity among habitable planets, much less homeworlds for species. I told her about the unique architecture of Mileau, designed to accommodate both species of regular size and dossur themselves. I told her about Colia medical academies, some of the most beautiful medical facilities in the galaxy.
I wish I was more well-travelled, but I just wasn’t. My whole life, I never left Nishtal until the extermination fleet took me despite my protests. That may have been what saved my life...
Not that I, of all people, deserved it...
“Hey! Stop that!”
I flinched as I heard the child yell, but quickly realized that it wasn’t directed at me. Instead, Rosie was rushing down towards the chicken flock, breaking up the fight in which the loner was being pecked by a few larger chickens. As the human child approached, the birds stopped their infighting and scattered in different directions, crowing in loud panic and discontent. On instinct, I found myself rushing towards the child, forgetting about translation entirely.
“What are you doing?! Don’t touch them!”
I didn’t want her to hurt the cattle accidentally, and I didn’t want her to get hurt by the angry birds in return. But, it seems like the moment the birds scattered, she was satisfied with her actions and turned back to me, wearing another one of her happy smiles.
“Sorry, Mr. Krekos, I just saw chickens being mean. Bad chickens.” She explained.
I was baffled. Why would she interfere like that? When I tried that back when I was just starting, that got me pecked! But with her, the birds just scattered. What if they pecked her?
I took the pad out again and started typing quickly.
“That was dangerous. Why did you do that? What if they attacked you? Why are you even interfering in their natural dynamics?”, questions flowed out of my pad with an artificial human voice.
The girl simply giggled.
“They’re chickens! They aren’t dangerous. They don’t peck that painful and I’ve been scratched worse before. And I have to stop it because bullying is wrong.”
Then she actually noticed that the one that was being attacked wandered close. She casually approached it from behind, the blind spot and just reached down and grabbed it, picking the bird up. I was ready to rush to help the bird when...
“Mwah! There, all better.”
She did a human ‘kiss’ on the back of the cattle bird’s neck before releasing it, the surprise of it causing it to rush off. I knew what kisses were, I’ve seen enough of them between Lena and Reginald, but I believed they were gestures of intimate affection, not... what was even that?
It seems Rosie noticed my confusion as she explained.
“You gotta kiss it so it heals better! That’s what mom taught me.” The child displayed that smile of hers shamelessly. With how much I was being exposed to it, it almost wasn’t unnerving anymore. Still, it was interesting to learn that kisses are seen as something that helps wounds. I guess some species do have saliva with mild antiseptic properties, wouldn’t be too out there to assume humans are the same. And if that’s the case, maybe that’s how the kissing tradition started? Exchange of protective fluid between lovers?
“I see. I did not know that.” I responded before letting my puffed feathers relax. Okay, this whole ‘watching a human child’ thing is turning out to somehow be even more stressful than I expected at first.
“Wait, Mr. Krekos, what time is it?” She suddenly asked, looking up at the sky.
“It’s nearly twelve.” I respond, holopad having a convenient clock for local time.
“Oh no! I need to be home soon! Was nice seeing you Mr. Krekos gotta go bye!”
Before I had even a chance at typing out an answer or my own goodbye, the child sprinted away and back towards the entrance. I had to take flight just to keep up, and even then she just turned around, waved her arm at me and then kept sprinting down the road after leaving the gate. I simply offered a small wave of a wing back before locking the gate again. I suppose it is hard to keep track of time without a device or clock nearby...
Well, at least I had the usual peace and quiet now. And learned a bit more about the creatures I was in charge of. I should really try to deal with my aversion to looking things up on the human internet...
Just as I was about to head back out towards the yard, I heard a loud car horn, a familiar one, getting my attention. Lena’s car. There they were, signaling me, probably having spotted me at the gate from afar. Deciding to make use of my presence here, and hoping to avoid needing to explain that I had a surprise visitor earlier, I went ahead and opened the large gate, allowing the car to enter.
Once it was parked in the usual space, the doors opened and three people came out. Lena and Reginald were both looking a bit disheveled, but their faces carried these smiles that seemed wider than ever before. And third person... Was a stranger. A human I knew of, but never actually met. As he exited the car, a large bag in one hand, he just stared at me, standing in the front yard...
“...okay, I expected many things when I was told you guys housed a refugee, but not this.”
Oh no. Oh no, he was not one of the ones that was willing to overlook an invader that partook in bombing of his planet being allowed to walk free, of course, Lena and Reginald were the weird ones like that, doesn’t mean their son won’t be... I felt the panic rising as I realized I’d need to return to the camp. Why was I upset about that? This was supposed to just have been a way to make money, but now I have a free education program. Do I need to stay? No, but... Why?! Why do I not want to leave?
“Ken, you said it’s going to be alright no matter what it is, right? Wanted us to keep it a surprise to meet a new friend?” Lena’s voice. She should have told him, that’d give me time to prepare why didn’t they give me time why.
“No, no problems, just, really surprised, that’s all... uh... hey, buddy, you okay? You’re really... trembly.”
He was approaching me, and instinct took over as I recoiled, before stuttering out my answer.
“I-I’m fine...”
...thankfully translators don’t translate voice cracks. I hope, at least...
“Hey, relax... I have no problem with you being a krakotl, I just didn’t think...” He looks over at Lena and Reginald. “Calm down... I can wear my visor if you want?”
Right. Those things humans use to hide their scary faces from us.
“I... I’m good...”
Why would it last? It almost felt good after all.
There was some emotion I struggled to read on the young human’s face, as he sighed and shook his head.
“I screwed this up, I’m sorry. Let... Let me try again.” He straightened out, and adjusted his clothing, before slowly approaching me and giving me a small smile, no teeth showing. “Hello. My name is Kenneth Vince and I'm son of Lena and Reginald Vince. I was told you’re a refugee they took in to help out. It’s nice to meet you. What’s your name?”
That... snapped me out of it. Right... He was... not upset at my existence. He was just very surprised that Lena and Reginald weren’t. That’s a reasonable thing to be surprised about, considering I was surprised about it to this day. I tried to compose myself as I responded.
“My name is Krekos. I live here as... hired help with the cattle. It’s... nice to meet you?”
The smile on Kenneth’s face widens, though he still refrains from showing his teeth. Instead, he extends a hand towards me. A handshake is a human gesture that I found far from comfortable, but I didn’t want to give him a reason to change his mind on acceptability of my existence, so I took it with a wingclaw. He gently took it and held for a few seconds before letting go and sighing again, turning to his parents.
“You know, I always thought you guys would be empty nesters, but I never thought it’d be that literal.”
That got all three of them laughing, as I just tilted my head in confusion. I was fairly sure there were no empty nests in the house until after I adjusted the attic room for my own accommodations. Still, I took the laughter as a sign that the tense moment had fully passed and let my ruffled feathers slowly rest.
“Let’s head inside. Krekos, we’re having dinner, you’re welcome to join us.” Reginald said, picking up Kenneth’s bag. I tilted my head a little and he followed up with elaboration. “We will be having meat... But there’s still going to be stuff you can eat too. It’s a celebration, so I prepared a bit of everything.”
“Dad, you shouldn’t have!” Kenneth responded with embarrassment.
“None of that! Our son returned from the war, alive and a hero, and we can have a celebration. Krekos, I know you’re still... uncertain about meat so you don’t—”
“I’ll join.”
Wait, who said that? And why did they say that in my voice?
Wait, that was me. Why did I say that?
“That’s great to hear! I’ve got some nice steamed broccoli and some vegetarian fried rice as sides that you’ll enjoy!” Reginald smiled at me and I felt myself shrinking into my feathers. That the humans didn’t notice at least, proceeding into the house instead.
Well, looks like I signed my warrant. At least my bag and my epipen were on me in case something at the table triggers the allergy again. Would be rather unfortunate to have it happen two days in a row.
And that’s how, in just ten or so minutes, I found myself sitting at the dining perch, while humans took seats in chairs, all consuming chunks of roasted flesh and somehow managing to also stuff pieces of equally roasted plants in, and converse with one another. You wouldn’t be able to tell on first look, but despite their mouths being relatively small, especially for a predator, it seems they compensate for it by having those be near bottomless in both hunger and small talk.
I am not sure how I managed to shift my focus away from them consuming animal matter in front of me, however vat grown it might have been, and onto their conversation instead, but I succeeded. I suppose that was just part of me going native around predators. Soon, I’ll be the one feasting along with them before I know it, and snacking on those epipens to not die of it.
Like you could ever be on the same level as humans.
“So, Fahl? That’s where you were sent after the Battle of Earth?” Lena asked.
“Yeah. From what I heard, we got a light posting compared to guys at Sillis or Mileau. The most I had to deal with was some exterminator insurgents.”
That’s right. Since harchen participated in the Extermination Fleet, they were one of those who were occupied by humans during the war. It makes sense that there was at least some ground resistance.
“Honestly, the worst thing out there was the heat. Not the flamethrower kind, the climate. The place was so damn dry and hot. At least exterminators you could subdue or evade. Not so much with the scorching sun!”
I couldn’t resist a small chuckle at the idea of a predator being more afraid of hot weather than flamethrowers as I slowly pecked at the vegetables on my plate. Thankfully it was set far enough aside from any meat dishes that no contamination should occur, but I was still examining pieces before putting them in my mouth just in case.
Seems like reacting was a mistake though, as that brought Kenneth’s attention onto me. He finished chewing latest piece of flesh and pointed a fork at me.
“So, Krekos... Where are you from? Cradle was my guess, but I do know there were refugees from other places like Sillis too.”
That’s a weird question. Isn’t it kind of to be expected for a krakotl to be from our actual homeworld?”
“I’m from Nishtal.”
“No, no, that’s not what I meant,” Kenneth chuckled, tossing a piece of broccoli into his mouth and swallowing before continuing, “I meant, where did you live? I kind of assumed you were born there, but it’s not like Nishtal had a chance to send refugees out, and if they did, this is the last place they’d be.”
Oh... I caught concerned looks of Lena and Reginald, looking between me and Kenneth from both sides. Not only did they not make him aware that I was a krakotl, they also neglected to mention just how I came by my refugee status... Which was just a legal workaround to grant me asylum without unnecessary complications or establishing undesirable precedent. Legally, I may be a refugee, but practically... I am a defector. Lena and Reginald know that, I told them my story before. And while they were weirdly accepting, Kenneth... Fought extermination fleet here on Earth. Personally.
Still, I wasn’t about to lie. It took a few moments and gathering mental strength to steel myself, and averting my eyes, focusing on the plate of warm vegetables in front of me rather than the human’s anticipating stare before I answered.
“I did live on Nishtal. I... I came with the extermination fleet.” I responded, doing my best to avoid looking at him. I did not want to witness his reaction, for some reason the thought of seeing it weighed heavy on my mind.
“Oh.”
The response was simple, and had no followup. There was no more clinking of cutlery against plates, or chewing. The only thing hanging in the air of the kitchen was silence, weighing down on me. It dragged on and on... until it just got so unbearable I couldn’t take it.
“I-I’m full... Thank you for the meal.” I quickly said, hopping off the perch and stepping out of the kitchen, quickly making my way to the yard and taking flight.
Fresh air of the outside and rush of it as I flew up and gained speed... I missed that. I knew it’s not safe to just fly over other people’s territory, so I corrected my course into doing large sweeping circles over the cattle yard and simply let my wings carry me.
Flying away from any danger is the only thing I’m good for anyway. The only thing I ever do.
I closed my eyes. With them closed and not focusing on my angle it feels like I’m actually flying away from all the troubles. Away from humans who barely tolerate my existence, away from gojid who see me as worse than a predator, away from Earth and all its incorrigible customs, away from horrid cattle, away from constant memories...
Flying feels nice. It may be a bit harder than it was home, but it’s still possible. I heard that on Venlil Prime or Mileau it’s much harder. But here? Just an extra flap of wings for every few paces and you’re just fine, free to soar the skies...
Alone. With no one to ever share it with me again.
Slowly I let my eyes open back to the bleak reality. Greenery of surrounding pastures and woods, bright blue skies and farmhouses dotted about here and there greeted me. I lowered my gaze down, focusing on what’s below. There they were, fourteen brown and black dots spread around the enclosed portion of the farm territory. I am not sure how much time I’ve spent flying in circles and trying to forget things but my wings were feeling a tad sore. Then as I just began slow descent, in same circular motion, I noticed that one of the birds, a familiar one, was being chased by several others. Recounting the morning, I tried putting the knowledge to action, and shifted direction of descent, swooping down. To my surprise, that actually worked, as the moment I got close to the ground, the cattle birds all got much louder and scattered in all directions, including the loner. Who, at least this time, got off unharmed. I suppose such pathetic flightless creatures would fear a flying one much more than they would when I just run up to them...
Swooping at them from the sky like a predator to intimidate them into behaving... Like an arxur warden.
With the fight preemptively broken up, I flutter up to the roof of the cattle house, to my usual position and rested my wings. I didn’t see any movement from the direction of the house, so I suppose the family is still busy unpacking. Since Kenneth joined the military just before the Battle of Earth, and Lena and Reginald only moved here after their actual house in city of New York got destroyed, it’d be the first time the human is seeing what is basically his new home. There was a room set aside for him since before I even moved in, and while there is also a guest room... That one did not have a large enough window to fit through, which did not feel comfortable. So when I asked for a space with a bigger window they only had an attic to offer. They seemed uncomfortable letting me live in a tiny room with slanted roof, but I found such space more comforting than I would have a large room with a window not large enough to fit even one fully spread wing through.
I wonder if Kenneth will need as much renovation as I did? The house is built for humans, but he never lived there before. Will he need to buy a more comfortable bed? Getting a proper nesting setup in place of a bed took a bit of effort, but I figured something out. Human sheets were comfortable enough for such, and sitting perches were thankfully not that hard to get thanks to help from the refugee administration. Maybe that’s the things that Lena went to buy yesterday? Kenneth’s preferred room decor?
I looked up to the sky to see the sun beginning to dim. I am not sure if it was me flying that long, or me losing track of time in my thoughts again, but the sun was beginning to set. I began my usual chores, putting out an evening meal and water for the beasts, and while they feasted, ate some myself. I was a bit hungry, having not properly finished lunch and about to skip dinner, but after the earlier conversation, I’d really rather avoid giving them the opportunity to talk to me.
After the birds had their fill, and by that I mean they emptied the tray as they always do, I let out the call, and they started funneling into the cattle house. The lonely straggler being first to go and hop into its nesting box. I bet tomorrow I will have trouble with getting her out of there again...
I took the moment to gather some eggs the birds left over course of the day, and once that was over and all of them were accounted for, I closed it up. When I flew down over to the house, there wasn’t anyone by the back door thankfully, so I just left eggs there, returned the basket, and returned to my room through the window.
Well, at least I didn’t get nearly killed today... That’s nice I guess?
I was about to check my holopad when there was a knock on the door. I approached and opened it to see... Kenneth. Standing in the doorway.
“Uh, hi, Krekos. I just, uh... Wanted to apologize again. I really wish mom and dad told me everything ahead of time... I just want you to know, I have no problems with you whatsoever, yeah? It’s just. Surprising, I guess, to hear all that. I didn’t think there were any defectors from the fleet at all... Just. Uh, please don’t worry about me?” He offered me a small smile, showing his canines before quickly correcting himself and doing a closed-lip one. “I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories or make you feel unwelcome.”
I had to take a moment to contemplate his words. Was Lena and Reginald’s weirdness hereditary? He almost reminded me of how Reginald talked to me early on, with constant stumbling over the words, as well as constant reassurances that he is fine with me being here. Couple that with failing to avoid predatory mannerisms like eye contact and smiles like Lena tends to and you get this human. But most importantly and least understandably, there was the general fact of him and them just... welcoming me. I couldn’t understand why. I should be one sorry to them.
“N-No, it’s fine... I’m sorry for... intruding on you and your family.”
“No, no, dude, you’re fine! I mean, hell, I was considering entering one of those exchange programs before the bombings happened, and even after, well, I did my best at Fahl to be the perfect friendly soldier just there to make sure no more bombs drop on my home and not kill or conquer anyone. And then mom told me your story, and I can’t believe it... Just... If you have any issues, feel free to tell me. I’m not one of those racist pricks that are too pussy to even call themselves HF anymore because they know they’ll get their teeth knocked. I get that there aren't good or bad species, just people. And you seem like a decent guy if mom and dad’s judgment is to be trusted.” His smile widened, though it was clear from tension on his face that he had to take conscious effort to keep teeth hidden. “So, what I said earlier stands. Friends, right?”
He extends hand forward, for a second time today. I wasn’t sure if I knew this human long enough to call him a friend... Any human really. But it also seems like human definition of ‘friends’ is anyone they’re cordial and peaceful with. Which is weird. You’d think translators would properly use ‘acquaintance’ for that.
Still... We will be living in the same house now. I can’t just say no, and... I can’t come up with a reason to say no. Even him being a predator and a human is not something I could really say I object to, considering how... mundane that became to me over my time here.
So, with naught on my mind but acceptance of the situation, I extended my wing and grasped his hand with my claw. This time he actually gripped it tightly and moved it up and down, as I saw other humans do occasionally.
“Yeah... I guess that’d be for the best.” I responded, shrugging off the hesitation. Fresh start for a third time, I guess?
The human grinned, forgetting to hide his teeth entirely, but I was ready for it somehow and avoided outwardly reacting.
“Cool! Anyway, I’ll try to get some shuteye early, I couldn’t sleep on the overnight flight home. See ya!”
And with that he left. Well... That meeting went well I suppose?
I returned to my nest and picked up my holopad, returning to what I was doing. And there it was, something I awaited every day. A notification that I was messaged on mailing app. Opening the letter revealed the schedule for the study program. Which... only had one day marked on it. And a note that the rest of it will be figured out ‘as we go from there’. So it’s not a schedule, it’s just a mark for the day of the first meeting.
While a bit underwhelming, it was still exciting. It would be an all-alien class so I wouldn’t have to deal with humans’ incomprehensibility nearly as much, and it would allow me to finally return to pursuing what I actually dreamt of. Even if I wasn’t entirely sure that was precisely what I wanted after everything that happened, it was at least something for me to move towards.
...just two days until start. I wonder if there’s some required reading to prepare?
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Big thank you to NoP community for being great and supportive of my endeavors!
Also, obviously, big thanks to SpacePaladin15 for creating this universe and allowing fanfiction well to flow free!
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Date [standardized human time]: May 6th, 2137
I stare at the foul creature before me. Normally staring at something directly head on like that would be too predatory for me to do, but after nearly dying of bread yesterday, I didn’t feel patient enough to be gentle. The creature stared right back, though in a much more natural, prey-like way, tilting its head slightly as it looked back at me with one eye and let out a long bwok.
“Are you doing this now? Really?”, I ask, knowing full well it cannot respond.
Well, it can, if another bwok it made is any indication. Of course, translators aren’t yet advanced enough to translate non-sapient speech, but the intention behind sound is intuitively clear. It’s telling me to back off. Well, I tried the diplomatic approach at least.
Raising my wing I begin sliding the bird out of its nest, careful to keep any delicate joints out of its reach. It started clucking in upset indignation, struggling back and even trying to peck at me, but after realizing that I will not relent, it hopped out of the box and rushed out of the cattle house, revealing a single dead egg in the nesting box.
With relief, I finally pick up the last egg and head back to leave them at the house. Turns out that while Reginald didn’t forget to both lock them up yesterday and let them out today, he did neglect feeding them both times, as well as collecting the harvest. So when I was driven back here in early morning, the first thing I did was making sure they were taken care of. I can’t say the horrid birds looked in any way hungry, but the moment I poured the feeding grain for them, they attacked it with more viciousness than I’d expect of an actual predator. And yet only thirteen were present at the feeding, as the one that’s usually the target of flock’s ire remained in the cattle house yet again, Reginald leaving it to it, being unaware of its undesirable habit of trying to hatch dead eggs.
With eggs delivered, I flew my way to my usual spot atop the cattle house and could finally relax. The loner beast first made its way to feast on the scraps of the grain that other birds already all have had their fill of, so I wasn’t too concerned. Instead I tried to reflect on the morning I had so far.
Waking up at the hospital did make me momentarily panic before I remembered the precluding events. Not that I could properly panic, feeling the most starved I’ve been my whole life, and too weak to try flying out of the window. Thankfully, the breakfast they provided was actually well made with krakotl needs in mind, algae soup alongside a few slices of bread, this time without any horrid human ideas like putting eggs in there. Eggs! Turns out they put eggs in some kinds of bread! That’s how I got sick! Eggs! The thought of what I consumed even now made me queasy, and it definitely made breakfast a much less appetizing affair than it would have been without that knowledge, but back then the hunger won over the disgust.
Lena did keep her promise and came to pick me up extra early. Her being a staff member at the hospital gave her some extra privilege, I assume, hence why I was released without any forms needing to be filled out personally. She did have important business today too, which probably explained the earlyness and urgency of her driving me back to her house.
That did not mean I escaped her ire, however. While I couldn’t pinpoint anything to identify the man, as Bob was apparently a common name, that offered me bread, we did come to understanding that he was likely either unaware of the nutritional contents of it, or of extent to which the Cure-induced allergy would be affecting a krakotl. Yet, Lena seemed much angrier at me for failing to take any precautions. Turns out that was the purpose of medicinal injectors, epipens as humans call them, that were provided to me. I was supposed to have them on me in case I accidentally ingested contaminated food. Nobody told me that, I was just handed them back when I first received the necessities at the refugee camp and I had no clue what they were for. Then she also berated me for eating random food from strangers and ignoring bad flavors. Turns out that brioche bread isn’t actually bitter at all, and that was my body reacting to an allergen in it. Reaction that I unwisely elected to ignore, to further ire of my host. By the end, several new rules of my stay here were made, including not eating things I don’t know and always having at least one epipen on me. Thankfully, these rules would be ones I’d start following even without them being established, so I won’t have to concern myself with being kicked out over accidentally breaking them.
Trying to distract myself from thoughts of yesterday’s incident, I focused my attention on the flock. All birds accounted for, so at least I knew that my absence did not result in the predator coming to snatch one of them. I do not wish to insult my hosts, but Reginald is far from most attentive people in matters unrelated to his job, and I am not sure the birds were watched at all while I was out. Speaking of, my scannings of surrounding treelines revealed no sign of the predator today. Perhaps it departed to hunt elsewhere, or maybe it ventured too close to a more populated area and exterminators dealt with it.
Actually, did human exterminators work similar to Federation ones? I knew for a fact they had them, although they seemed like a market of private organizations if advertisements are anything to judge by. Still, what methods do they use? I know humans oppose fire, and do not believe in predatory taint, but surely they have measures to protect themselves? They are, by self-admission, far from the best natural predator, and I doubt Earth’s non-sapient predators would just leave humans be. Maybe I should call one of those human exterminator agencies and call them in to deal with that predator? I haven’t told Lena or Reginald about it, as I didn’t want to bother them, but it could pose a serious threat to the cattle, but maybe that’s the way I could resolve it without involving them?
I have not done nearly as much research into human culture and lifestyle as I should have, considering that I’ve lived on Earth for over half a year now, but the sheer width of the topic always overwhelmed me the moment I opened internet search app to the point where I just closed it right away.
Extra loud call from the flock made me refocus my attention on them, but it was nothing. Just the loner getting pecked extra hard and lashing out against assailants, causing a small aimless stampede as all the birds ran around in circles, puffing up at one another. The assailants now looked a lot more like victims. I could understand those birds more than I could humans at least. The loner bird is clearly an odd one out. It’s the only one repeatedly trying to hatch unfertilized eggs it lays, and it seems to always avoid the rest of the flock. Humans may deny the existence of Predator Disease, but they can’t deny that prey and predator both can and will sometimes behave in unnatural ways that may threaten the herd's safety. Or pack’s, in case of humans. Birds must know on instinctual level that the loner’s behavior is unnatural and are attempting to combat the Predator Disease on instinctual level. And since that is natural, I still will not interfere in this, unless the loner bird actually becomes a threat to others or will start getting too injured. The first time I attempted to pick one of the birds up was the only time for a good reason, as I have learned their viciousness all too well.
DING-DING
The sudden loud ring startled me enough that I nearly tumbled off the roof. Who would be coming over now? Lena and Reginald have left together and shouldn’t be back until afternoon, and they’d never use the bell. That means someone must be here for them. But wouldn’t they warn anyone to not come over? Especially with their plans for today.
With nobody to answer these questions, I had no choice but to go and discover the answer myself, flying up and over the house, towards the entrance gate. The moment I passed the house roof, I already saw a familiar silhouette. It was the human child from a few days ago.
Thankfully, Lena’s insistence on me carrying an epipen at all times meant I also carried my satchel at all times too, so I didn’t have to go grabbing my holopad, and took it out. But before I could even launch the translator TTS app to type out a greeting, the child was already hopping in place with excitement.
“Mr. Krekos! Hi! I came over to visit!”, she exclaimed, showing off her teeth in an unnerving expression of human joy. I simply tried to avoid that and focused on the pad, typing out my response.
“Hello, Rosie. Why are you here?”
The question was genuine, as the child was not carrying any more of that honey substance from last time.
“I just came over to visit you! Is that okay? Are Mr. and Ms. Vince okay with it?”
Visit... me? Why? While I was confused, I did instinctively type out a reply.
“They did tell me visitors are allowed as long as there’s no trouble when I first moved in.”
And before I could type a followup message asking her why she’s here, she already let out a joyous roar and ran past me.
“Can I see the chickens?”, she asked, and not waiting for an answer, rushed past the house and towards the cattle yard.
“Wait! You’ll scare them!”, I yell after her, but of course without a translator she can’t understand me as she runs like she already knows where to go.
And indeed she has, quickly rushing up to the open field where the birds were grazing. Thankfully she didn’t start chasing them, instead just approaching the flock from a distance and swaying in place, watching them with what I assume was some sort of predatory excitement at the sight of prey. Maybe that’s where the contained hunting instinct of human children showed themselves? In chasing small birds? I was still more subdued, considering she stopped shy of causing a small stampede, but still.
“Grandpa used to take me with him! He helped watch this farm until Mr. and Ms. Vince moved in. I like chickens! I think they’re cute.”, the child told me innocently as she kept swaying and watching as the beasts grazed upon insects of the pasture.
That revelation was... interesting. I suppose it makes sense that between the original owner of this land dying in the bombings and Lena and Reginald moving in, it would be unattended. With nobody to feed and watch over those things, they would be long dead for sure. And it was Rosie’s grandfather... Speaking of. I typed out my words.
“Does your grandfather know you’re here?”
She seemed to get a weird look as she stopped her excited swaying, fiddling with her hands instead. Looks like I asked the correct question.
“...he knows I am out visiting neighbors.”
That did not answer my question. I squinted at the human child, and she dipped her head as she continued.
“...he doesn’t know I’m here specifically. Or that an alien even lives here...”, she explained, her tone suddenly more sullen.
I couldn’t help but squint at that, and it appears that my expression was readable enough that even a human could see the suspicion, as she continued.
“I’m sorry... But if I told grandpa, he’d tell me I’m forbidden from talking to you, like he forbade me from talking to hedgehog people in town... But I want to talk to you! You’re nice and you’re a space bird!”
The child was actually working around the rules established by her guardian to come see me. I don’t know if I should be glad or concerned. Clearly, the man is anti-alien in his opinions, and I’d rather that kind of man not know about how close he lives to one. At the same time, I’d rather not encourage a child for lying to their guardian in order to meet a stranger they know they aren’t allowed to interact with... So I just took the middle path with my next message.
“I see. What did you want to talk to me about then?”, TTS speaks for me.
Her stiffened body language disappears, replaced again with earlier excitement.
“I wanna know more about space! And aliens! It’s all so cool but grandpa says it’s all dangerous because mom and dad died. But it’s not! The hedgehog people were nice, and you’re nice too!”
I wasn’t sure about that logic, but my self-preservation told me I shouldn’t try convincing her to go confessing. Instead I focused more on her chosen topic.
“I am not sure I am the best person to ask about space. I am not a scientist or traveler.”
“But you’re from there! You know way more than me. I don’t even know what you are called. And there’s gotta be cool things out in space!”
I let out a sigh. I suppose it’s childlike curiosity at its finest. So unfamiliar with mundane that it is a wonder. I remember being like that about becoming a doctor.
I quickly tapped on the pad.
“Okay, I can answer questions, but I may not know everything.”
The noise that came out of the girl was like a squeal of a panicked dossur as she started hopping and spinning in place.
“Yes! Yes! Thank you, Mr. Krekos!” Sudden movement did cause me to recoil a bit, which in turn caused her to cease her happy flailing and adjust her little dress. “I dunno where to start though... Hm... What are you?”
...for all my trepidation about not knowing answers, I should have anticipated that the questions she asks will be rather age-appropriate and on the same level as we learn in our first school classes. At least I won’t disappoint her then.
“I am from a species called ‘krakotl’. We’re avians, as is obvious. Our home is...”
Thankfully she did not question my hesitant pause. Instead she just nodded along.
“What about the hedgehog people? I already know venlil, but they’re the only ones I know name of.”
Hedgehog people in town she mentioned earlier. The only species I could think of that could be seen there would be the gojid. I have no clue what hedgehogs are, but probably some creature with visible similarity to them.
“They are called ‘gojid’, and they’re from gojid Cradle. Both of our species are... well, used to be known for our might and protecting other species of Federation.”
I am not sure if that’s something to brag about, considering... everything. But I didn’t want this child to get brought down with depressing regrets of our species. Let her know something nicer instead. She clearly lost a lot, but there’s still joy left in her. I wouldn’t want to be the one to ruin that.
“Cool! What about other people? I wanna know more!”
And so I went on, telling her about various species, although I mostly focused on ones in this new human-led union, only mentioning kolshians and farsul beyond that. It’s weird explaining to a child what a tilfish or a harchen looks like, but thankfully my holopad isn’t just a method of communicating with implant-less children. With access to interstellar web, I could easily pull up pictures of various alien species to show to her, even if she struggled to believe that some of them were even sapient purely based off of looks. With how varied species in Federation are, and how some of us admittedly aren’t too far physiologically from our more primal ancestors.
Among other topics, she asked me to tell her interesting things, which I didn’t know much of. I told her about Venlil Prime’s tidally locked status, a rarity among habitable planets, much less homeworlds for species. I told her about the unique architecture of Mileau, designed to accommodate both species of regular size and dossur themselves. I told her about Colia medical academies, some of the most beautiful medical facilities in the galaxy.
I wish I was more well-travelled, but I just wasn’t. My whole life, I never left Nishtal until the extermination fleet took me despite my protests. That may have been what saved my life...
“Hey! Stop that!”
I flinched as I heard the child yell, but quickly realized that it wasn’t directed at me. Instead, Rosie was rushing down towards the chicken flock, breaking up the fight in which the loner was being pecked by a few larger chickens. As the human child approached, the birds stopped their infighting and scattered in different directions, crowing in loud panic and discontent. On instinct, I found myself rushing towards the child, forgetting about translation entirely.
“What are you doing?! Don’t touch them!”
I didn’t want her to hurt the cattle accidentally, and I didn’t want her to get hurt by the angry birds in return. But, it seems like the moment the birds scattered, she was satisfied with her actions and turned back to me, wearing another one of her happy smiles.
“Sorry, Mr. Krekos, I just saw chickens being mean. Bad chickens.” She explained.
I was baffled. Why would she interfere like that? When I tried that back when I was just starting, that got me pecked! But with her, the birds just scattered. What if they pecked her?
I took the pad out again and started typing quickly.
“That was dangerous. Why did you do that? What if they attacked you? Why are you even interfering in their natural dynamics?”, questions flowed out of my pad with an artificial human voice.
The girl simply giggled.
“They’re chickens! They aren’t dangerous. They don’t peck that painful and I’ve been scratched worse before. And I have to stop it because bullying is wrong.”
Then she actually noticed that the one that was being attacked wandered close. She casually approached it from behind, the blind spot and just reached down and grabbed it, picking the bird up. I was ready to rush to help the bird when...
“Mwah! There, all better.”
She did a human ‘kiss’ on the back of the cattle bird’s neck before releasing it, the surprise of it causing it to rush off. I knew what kisses were, I’ve seen enough of them between Lena and Reginald, but I believed they were gestures of intimate affection, not... what was even that?
It seems Rosie noticed my confusion as she explained.
“You gotta kiss it so it heals better! That’s what mom taught me.” The child displayed that smile of hers shamelessly. With how much I was being exposed to it, it almost wasn’t unnerving anymore. Still, it was interesting to learn that kisses are seen as something that helps wounds. I guess some species do have saliva with mild antiseptic properties, wouldn’t be too out there to assume humans are the same. And if that’s the case, maybe that’s how the kissing tradition started? Exchange of protective fluid between lovers?
“I see. I did not know that.” I responded before letting my puffed feathers relax. Okay, this whole ‘watching a human child’ thing is turning out to somehow be even more stressful than I expected at first.
“Wait, Mr. Krekos, what time is it?” She suddenly asked, looking up at the sky.
“It’s nearly twelve.” I respond, holopad having a convenient clock for local time.
“Oh no! I need to be home soon! Was nice seeing you Mr. Krekos gotta go bye!”
Before I had even a chance at typing out an answer or my own goodbye, the child sprinted away and back towards the entrance. I had to take flight just to keep up, and even then she just turned around, waved her arm at me and then kept sprinting down the road after leaving the gate. I simply offered a small wave of a wing back before locking the gate again. I suppose it is hard to keep track of time without a device or clock nearby...
Well, at least I had the usual peace and quiet now. And learned a bit more about the creatures I was in charge of. I should really try to deal with my aversion to looking things up on the human internet...
Just as I was about to head back out towards the yard, I heard a loud car horn, a familiar one, getting my attention. Lena’s car. There they were, signaling me, probably having spotted me at the gate from afar. Deciding to make use of my presence here, and hoping to avoid needing to explain that I had a surprise visitor earlier, I went ahead and opened the large gate, allowing the car to enter.
Once it was parked in the usual space, the doors opened and three people came out. Lena and Reginald were both looking a bit disheveled, but their faces carried these smiles that seemed wider than ever before. And third person... Was a stranger. A human I knew of, but never actually met. As he exited the car, a large bag in one hand, he just stared at me, standing in the front yard...
“...okay, I expected many things when I was told you guys housed a refugee, but not this.”
Oh no. Oh no, he was not one of the ones that was willing to overlook an invader that partook in bombing of his planet being allowed to walk free, of course, Lena and Reginald were the weird ones like that, doesn’t mean their son won’t be... I felt the panic rising as I realized I’d need to return to the camp. Why was I upset about that? This was supposed to just have been a way to make money, but now I have a free education program. Do I need to stay? No, but... Why?! Why do I not want to leave?
“Ken, you said it’s going to be alright no matter what it is, right? Wanted us to keep it a surprise to meet a new friend?” Lena’s voice. She should have told him, that’d give me time to prepare why didn’t they give me time why.
“No, no problems, just, really surprised, that’s all... uh... hey, buddy, you okay? You’re really... trembly.”
He was approaching me, and instinct took over as I recoiled, before stuttering out my answer.
“I-I’m fine...”
...thankfully translators don’t translate voice cracks. I hope, at least...
“Hey, relax... I have no problem with you being a krakotl, I just didn’t think...” He looks over at Lena and Reginald. “Calm down... I can wear my visor if you want?”
Right. Those things humans use to hide their scary faces from us.
“I... I’m good...”
There was some emotion I struggled to read on the young human’s face, as he sighed and shook his head.
“I screwed this up, I’m sorry. Let... Let me try again.” He straightened out, and adjusted his clothing, before slowly approaching me and giving me a small smile, no teeth showing. “Hello. My name is Kenneth Vince and I'm son of Lena and Reginald Vince. I was told you’re a refugee they took in to help out. It’s nice to meet you. What’s your name?”
That... snapped me out of it. Right... He was... not upset at my existence. He was just very surprised that Lena and Reginald weren’t. That’s a reasonable thing to be surprised about, considering I was surprised about it to this day. I tried to compose myself as I responded.
“My name is Krekos. I live here as... hired help with the cattle. It’s... nice to meet you?”
The smile on Kenneth’s face widens, though he still refrains from showing his teeth. Instead, he extends a hand towards me. A handshake is a human gesture that I found far from comfortable, but I didn’t want to give him a reason to change his mind on acceptability of my existence, so I took it with a wingclaw. He gently took it and held for a few seconds before letting go and sighing again, turning to his parents.
“You know, I always thought you guys would be empty nesters, but I never thought it’d be that literal.”
That got all three of them laughing, as I just tilted my head in confusion. I was fairly sure there were no empty nests in the house until after I adjusted the attic room for my own accommodations. Still, I took the laughter as a sign that the tense moment had fully passed and let my ruffled feathers slowly rest.
“Let’s head inside. Krekos, we’re having dinner, you’re welcome to join us.” Reginald said, picking up Kenneth’s bag. I tilted my head a little and he followed up with elaboration. “We will be having meat... But there’s still going to be stuff you can eat too. It’s a celebration, so I prepared a bit of everything.”
“Dad, you shouldn’t have!” Kenneth responded with embarrassment.
“None of that! Our son returned from the war, alive and a hero, and we can have a celebration. Krekos, I know you’re still... uncertain about meat so you don’t—”
“I’ll join.”
Wait, who said that? And why did they say that in my voice?
Wait, that was me. Why did I say that?
“That’s great to hear! I’ve got some nice steamed broccoli and some vegetarian fried rice as sides that you’ll enjoy!” Reginald smiled at me and I felt myself shrinking into my feathers. That the humans didn’t notice at least, proceeding into the house instead.
Well, looks like I signed my warrant. At least my bag and my epipen were on me in case something at the table triggers the allergy again. Would be rather unfortunate to have it happen two days in a row.
And that’s how, in just ten or so minutes, I found myself sitting at the dining perch, while humans took seats in chairs, all consuming chunks of roasted flesh and somehow managing to also stuff pieces of equally roasted plants in, and converse with one another. You wouldn’t be able to tell on first look, but despite their mouths being relatively small, especially for a predator, it seems they compensate for it by having those be near bottomless in both hunger and small talk.
I am not sure how I managed to shift my focus away from them consuming animal matter in front of me, however vat grown it might have been, and onto their conversation instead, but I succeeded. I suppose that was just part of me going native around predators. Soon, I’ll be the one feasting along with them before I know it, and snacking on those epipens to not die of it.
“So, Fahl? That’s where you were sent after the Battle of Earth?” Lena asked.
“Yeah. From what I heard, we got a light posting compared to guys at Sillis or Mileau. The most I had to deal with was some exterminator insurgents.”
That’s right. Since harchen participated in the Extermination Fleet, they were one of those who were occupied by humans during the war. It makes sense that there was at least some ground resistance.
“Honestly, the worst thing out there was the heat. Not the flamethrower kind, the climate. The place was so damn dry and hot. At least exterminators you could subdue or evade. Not so much with the scorching sun!”
I couldn’t resist a small chuckle at the idea of a predator being more afraid of hot weather than flamethrowers as I slowly pecked at the vegetables on my plate. Thankfully it was set far enough aside from any meat dishes that no contamination should occur, but I was still examining pieces before putting them in my mouth just in case.
Seems like reacting was a mistake though, as that brought Kenneth’s attention onto me. He finished chewing latest piece of flesh and pointed a fork at me.
“So, Krekos... Where are you from? Cradle was my guess, but I do know there were refugees from other places like Sillis too.”
That’s a weird question. Isn’t it kind of to be expected for a krakotl to be from our actual homeworld?”
“I’m from Nishtal.”
“No, no, that’s not what I meant,” Kenneth chuckled, tossing a piece of broccoli into his mouth and swallowing before continuing, “I meant, where did you live? I kind of assumed you were born there, but it’s not like Nishtal had a chance to send refugees out, and if they did, this is the last place they’d be.”
Oh... I caught concerned looks of Lena and Reginald, looking between me and Kenneth from both sides. Not only did they not make him aware that I was a krakotl, they also neglected to mention just how I came by my refugee status... Which was just a legal workaround to grant me asylum without unnecessary complications or establishing undesirable precedent. Legally, I may be a refugee, but practically... I am a defector. Lena and Reginald know that, I told them my story before. And while they were weirdly accepting, Kenneth... Fought extermination fleet here on Earth. Personally.
Still, I wasn’t about to lie. It took a few moments and gathering mental strength to steel myself, and averting my eyes, focusing on the plate of warm vegetables in front of me rather than the human’s anticipating stare before I answered.
“I did live on Nishtal. I... I came with the extermination fleet.” I responded, doing my best to avoid looking at him. I did not want to witness his reaction, for some reason the thought of seeing it weighed heavy on my mind.
“Oh.”
The response was simple, and had no followup. There was no more clinking of cutlery against plates, or chewing. The only thing hanging in the air of the kitchen was silence, weighing down on me. It dragged on and on... until it just got so unbearable I couldn’t take it.
“I-I’m full... Thank you for the meal.” I quickly said, hopping off the perch and stepping out of the kitchen, quickly making my way to the yard and taking flight.
Fresh air of the outside and rush of it as I flew up and gained speed... I missed that. I knew it’s not safe to just fly over other people’s territory, so I corrected my course into doing large sweeping circles over the cattle yard and simply let my wings carry me.
I closed my eyes. With them closed and not focusing on my angle it feels like I’m actually flying away from all the troubles. Away from humans who barely tolerate my existence, away from gojid who see me as worse than a predator, away from Earth and all its incorrigible customs, away from horrid cattle, away from constant memories...
Flying feels nice. It may be a bit harder than it was home, but it’s still possible. I heard that on Venlil Prime or Mileau it’s much harder. But here? Just an extra flap of wings for every few paces and you’re just fine, free to soar the skies...
Slowly I let my eyes open back to the bleak reality. Greenery of surrounding pastures and woods, bright blue skies and farmhouses dotted about here and there greeted me. I lowered my gaze down, focusing on what’s below. There they were, fourteen brown and black dots spread around the enclosed portion of the farm territory. I am not sure how much time I’ve spent flying in circles and trying to forget things but my wings were feeling a tad sore. Then as I just began slow descent, in same circular motion, I noticed that one of the birds, a familiar one, was being chased by several others. Recounting the morning, I tried putting the knowledge to action, and shifted direction of descent, swooping down. To my surprise, that actually worked, as the moment I got close to the ground, the cattle birds all got much louder and scattered in all directions, including the loner. Who, at least this time, got off unharmed. I suppose such pathetic flightless creatures would fear a flying one much more than they would when I just run up to them...
With the fight preemptively broken up, I flutter up to the roof of the cattle house, to my usual position and rested my wings. I didn’t see any movement from the direction of the house, so I suppose the family is still busy unpacking. Since Kenneth joined the military just before the Battle of Earth, and Lena and Reginald only moved here after their actual house in city of New York got destroyed, it’d be the first time the human is seeing what is basically his new home. There was a room set aside for him since before I even moved in, and while there is also a guest room... That one did not have a large enough window to fit through, which did not feel comfortable. So when I asked for a space with a bigger window they only had an attic to offer. They seemed uncomfortable letting me live in a tiny room with slanted roof, but I found such space more comforting than I would have a large room with a window not large enough to fit even one fully spread wing through.
I wonder if Kenneth will need as much renovation as I did? The house is built for humans, but he never lived there before. Will he need to buy a more comfortable bed? Getting a proper nesting setup in place of a bed took a bit of effort, but I figured something out. Human sheets were comfortable enough for such, and sitting perches were thankfully not that hard to get thanks to help from the refugee administration. Maybe that’s the things that Lena went to buy yesterday? Kenneth’s preferred room decor?
I looked up to the sky to see the sun beginning to dim. I am not sure if it was me flying that long, or me losing track of time in my thoughts again, but the sun was beginning to set. I began my usual chores, putting out an evening meal and water for the beasts, and while they feasted, ate some myself. I was a bit hungry, having not properly finished lunch and about to skip dinner, but after the earlier conversation, I’d really rather avoid giving them the opportunity to talk to me.
After the birds had their fill, and by that I mean they emptied the tray as they always do, I let out the call, and they started funneling into the cattle house. The lonely straggler being first to go and hop into its nesting box. I bet tomorrow I will have trouble with getting her out of there again...
I took the moment to gather some eggs the birds left over course of the day, and once that was over and all of them were accounted for, I closed it up. When I flew down over to the house, there wasn’t anyone by the back door thankfully, so I just left eggs there, returned the basket, and returned to my room through the window.
Well, at least I didn’t get nearly killed today... That’s nice I guess?
I was about to check my holopad when there was a knock on the door. I approached and opened it to see... Kenneth. Standing in the doorway.
“Uh, hi, Krekos. I just, uh... Wanted to apologize again. I really wish mom and dad told me everything ahead of time... I just want you to know, I have no problems with you whatsoever, yeah? It’s just. Surprising, I guess, to hear all that. I didn’t think there were any defectors from the fleet at all... Just. Uh, please don’t worry about me?” He offered me a small smile, showing his canines before quickly correcting himself and doing a closed-lip one. “I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories or make you feel unwelcome.”
I had to take a moment to contemplate his words. Was Lena and Reginald’s weirdness hereditary? He almost reminded me of how Reginald talked to me early on, with constant stumbling over the words, as well as constant reassurances that he is fine with me being here. Couple that with failing to avoid predatory mannerisms like eye contact and smiles like Lena tends to and you get this human. But most importantly and least understandably, there was the general fact of him and them just... welcoming me. I couldn’t understand why. I should be one sorry to them.
“N-No, it’s fine... I’m sorry for... intruding on you and your family.”
“No, no, dude, you’re fine! I mean, hell, I was considering entering one of those exchange programs before the bombings happened, and even after, well, I did my best at Fahl to be the perfect friendly soldier just there to make sure no more bombs drop on my home and not kill or conquer anyone. And then mom told me your story, and I can’t believe it... Just... If you have any issues, feel free to tell me. I’m not one of those racist pricks that are too pussy to even call themselves HF anymore because they know they’ll get their teeth knocked. I get that there aren't good or bad species, just people. And you seem like a decent guy if mom and dad’s judgment is to be trusted.” His smile widened, though it was clear from tension on his face that he had to take conscious effort to keep teeth hidden. “So, what I said earlier stands. Friends, right?”
He extends hand forward, for a second time today. I wasn’t sure if I knew this human long enough to call him a friend... Any human really. But it also seems like human definition of ‘friends’ is anyone they’re cordial and peaceful with. Which is weird. You’d think translators would properly use ‘acquaintance’ for that.
Still... We will be living in the same house now. I can’t just say no, and... I can’t come up with a reason to say no. Even him being a predator and a human is not something I could really say I object to, considering how... mundane that became to me over my time here.
So, with naught on my mind but acceptance of the situation, I extended my wing and grasped his hand with my claw. This time he actually gripped it tightly and moved it up and down, as I saw other humans do occasionally.
“Yeah... I guess that’d be for the best.” I responded, shrugging off the hesitation. Fresh start for a third time, I guess?
The human grinned, forgetting to hide his teeth entirely, but I was ready for it somehow and avoided outwardly reacting.
“Cool! Anyway, I’ll try to get some shuteye early, I couldn’t sleep on the overnight flight home. See ya!”
And with that he left. Well... That meeting went well I suppose?
I returned to my nest and picked up my holopad, returning to what I was doing. And there it was, something I awaited every day. A notification that I was messaged on mailing app. Opening the letter revealed the schedule for the study program. Which... only had one day marked on it. And a note that the rest of it will be figured out ‘as we go from there’. So it’s not a schedule, it’s just a mark for the day of the first meeting.
While a bit underwhelming, it was still exciting. It would be an all-alien class so I wouldn’t have to deal with humans’ incomprehensibility nearly as much, and it would allow me to finally return to pursuing what I actually dreamt of. Even if I wasn’t entirely sure that was precisely what I wanted after everything that happened, it was at least something for me to move towards.
...just two days until start. I wonder if there’s some required reading to prepare?
2024.05.19 04:37 themoonandmarie Tankless Hot Water Heater with Solar Pump
 | I’ve searched some old threads and found some info on this but I’d like some advice for my specific system. submitted by themoonandmarie to OffGrid [link] [comments] My husband and I are moving off grid. We are planning on using rain catchment for all our water, catching from our tiny shed house roof and storing in a 1000 gallon tank in the ground. Toilet will run off grey water to a vermi-composting tank. We’d like to run a propane tankless hot water heater to a shower head and 1 or 2 sinks for dishes and shower.
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2024.05.19 02:04 Wuzzie 3 months ago i posted an AMA about living in a hostel for 6 months.
Well i'm still living in a hostel. I've been trying to find something. I've joined so many facebook groups it's crazy.
For an outsider it may sound odd how people are getting scammed.
But unless an ad is advertised at 12-1500 for a hotpress sized room.
It is.
"Looking for a room. Budget: 5-700 euros"
I then get a "DM me"
I dm the person. With all the relevant details. Where i work. My budget (again) asking for a viewing.
I get an eircode (close to work) "I'm out of the country. But here's some pictures. I will post the keys."
Or: "I'm moving out. Here's some pictures. It's on the ground floor." Mismatched pictures with US plugs and slanted roof windows. "The landlord is out of the country right now." (She gave me the address for the Apple building on lapps quay)
How are people supposed to find anything with these scum of the earth vermins around?
"Why are you still living in a hostel, when you can rent a room?"
My Korean dormie fumbled and paid up in advance.Lucklily he used a paypal business account so i really hope he gets his money back.
And yes. This is how desperate we are to get a place to stay
I'm not lazy. The world is fucked.
submitted by Wuzzie to cork [link] [comments]
For an outsider it may sound odd how people are getting scammed.
But unless an ad is advertised at 12-1500 for a hotpress sized room.
It is.
"Looking for a room. Budget: 5-700 euros"
I then get a "DM me"
I dm the person. With all the relevant details. Where i work. My budget (again) asking for a viewing.
I get an eircode (close to work) "I'm out of the country. But here's some pictures. I will post the keys."
Or: "I'm moving out. Here's some pictures. It's on the ground floor." Mismatched pictures with US plugs and slanted roof windows. "The landlord is out of the country right now." (She gave me the address for the Apple building on lapps quay)
How are people supposed to find anything with these scum of the earth vermins around?
"Why are you still living in a hostel, when you can rent a room?"
My Korean dormie fumbled and paid up in advance.Lucklily he used a paypal business account so i really hope he gets his money back.
And yes. This is how desperate we are to get a place to stay
I'm not lazy. The world is fucked.
2024.05.18 20:36 CoolandAverageGuy cat that hates Mondays and loves lasagna
strength:
submitted by CoolandAverageGuy to welovefeats [link] [comments]
- Manhandles Jon and carries him outside
- Manhandles Jon and crams his entire body into a cat carrier
- Manhandles Jon and uses his foot to plug a leaky faucet
- Manhandles Jon, using him as a TV remote
- Ragdolls John with a single swipe
- Kicks Jon’s chair over, with Jon in it.
- Gives Jon a limp
- Stuffs Jon’s head in a bottle
- Implies he can rip off Jon’s lips.
- Actually does it.
- Shreds Jon’s chair into an unrecognizable mess
- Shreds a couch up until there’s nothing left but a tiny scrap of fabric.
- Slams a mailman around like nothing
- Hauls Jon up a tree at running speed
- Holds himself up by his teeth
- Lifts his body weight with his teeth
- Rips out a tv’s screen with his teeth
- Bends a mirror
- Drives a long nail through a door
- Pushes Odie all the way around a swingset
- Cleanly bisects a christmas tree by slamming a door
- Sends a snowman’s head flying with a baseball bat
- Breaks a table in two with a stomp
- Stomps Odie flat
- Stomps through the floorboards
- Flings an apple hard enough to knock Odie flying
- Knocks Jon over with a snowball
- Bashes down a door
- Punches down a door
- Accidently pushes a door off its hinges
- Knocks a down a door by tackling Jon into it
- Pushes a door off its hinges and walks with its weight on his back into his house
- Busts a hole in the door
- Again
- Smashes a cat door off its hinges with a single push
- Smashes a door in half with Odie
- Working with Odie, busts down a door using Jon’s chair as a battering ram.
- Sends a fence gate flying off its hinges by smashing into it
- Smashes his head through a table
- Catches up to a car and rips its fender off
- Catches up to a car and rips an entire axle off
- Rips a fender off a car and a mailbox out of the ground
- Sends Jon flying with a kick
- Hurls an adult woman out of his house
- Drags a woman back to Jon
- Drags a mailman to Jon as a gift
- Drags and carries Jon outside
- Walks with the weight of Jon and a chair on his back
- Rips the cap off a fire hydrant
- Launches Odie into the horizon
- Punches another cat so hard they go flying
- Launches another cat into the horizon
- Launches Odie above the panel
- Kicks Odie to the ceiling
- Kicks Odie from one room into the other
- Punts Odie into the distance
- Launches Odie above the panel. Claims to have sent him to the moon.
- Kicks Odie so hard, he spins fast enough to hover in the air
- Kicks Odie so high in the air, it takes a significant amount of time for him to fall back down
- Smacks Odie with a signpost hard enough to send him flying far into the distance.
- Smacks Nermal high into the sky
- Sends Nermal flying with a flick
- Sends Nermal through a door
- Again
- And again
- Sends Nermal flying through a wall
- Smashes an enormous spider with a rolled up newspaper
- Lifts a table full of food
- Juggles a sofa
- Hurls a tv
- Holds up a tv
- Nails a tv to the ceiling
- Lifts a refrigerator
- Lifts a refrigerator and a giant magnet
- Pushes a refrigerator
- Rips a refrigerator door off its hinges offscreen
- Moves Jon’s above ground pool inside to disguise it as a food dish
- Dumps a large piano onto a scale
- Holds up a large safe on a pulley
- Reels a stone birdbath into his mouth
- Carries an entire tree into his house
- Holds up a giant coffee cup
- Holds up a giant donut with one hand
- Holds a giant burger
- Punts Odie into the distance
- And again
- Together with Odie, smashes through a wall
- Pulls down a chunk of wall
- Smashes into a wall with enough force to crack it
- Again
- Pushes his way out from inside the walls
- Jumps through the ceiling
- None of Odie's attempts to move him makes him budge
- Jon can’t pull him an inch on a leash
- Smashes an alarm clock
- Smashes a phone
- Mangles a scale
- With a swipe of his claws, knocks two bricks out of a fireplace
- Rips the concrete basin off a birdbath and carries it away
- Karate chops a table leg in two
- Either carries or creates a giant snowball on the roof of the house and pushes it onto Jon
- Throws a massive snowball high into the air to land on Jon.
- Pushes Jon’s bed out the window
- Rips a fire hydrant out of the ground
- Bends a traffic sign by accidentally running into it
- Carries a Christmas tree in his teeth
- Catches a shark and carries it to shore
- Using all of the snow in his yard, builds an enormous snowman that dwarfs his house.
- Smashes an ice cream truck, causing its roof to cave in
- Slams a window so hard the entire house collapses
- Lifts up his house using a jack
- Lifts a Christmas tree and shakes all its needles off
- Lifts a pile of food larger than himself
- Pulls a fish’s skeleton out of its body
- Rips a dial off a tv and sends it through a window
- Throws Odie
- Smacks a clown through a circus tent
- Walks with a pile of mud 2/3rds as tall as Jon stuck to his feet
- His tongue punches a hole through his bowl and the table it’s on
- Blows a spider out of a rolled up newspaper with enough force to stretch a screen window as far as the door it’s attached to is tall.
- Inflates a balloon so large it expands beyond the confines of the house he's in and lifts it off the ground
- Sucks an entire roast chicken through a straw
- Similar feat
- The coffee he drinks seems to grant improved strength, allowing an ordinary fly to carry Jon through the air at full speed
- No-sells a potted plant to the head
- Tanks a watermelon to the head
- Takes multiple shoes to the head in succession
- Is hit in the head by a thrown spotlight
- Takes a hit from a guided newspaper launcher
- Gets mauled by a puma
- Is thrown against a wall by a buff mailman
- Gets smacked flying off-panel by a dog
- No-sells a kick from Odie
- Survives being accidentally set on fire while soaked with alcohol
- Falls onto a lit grill
- Ignores his blanket being on fire while wrapped in it
- Is inside a fondue pot as it boils
- Survives a heat wave so bad it melts a radio into liquid
- Eats lit candles
- Sticks his tongue in a waffle iron
- Implied to regularly drink and enjoy coffee so strong a few drops of it melts through a table and bends spoons.
- His face gets frozen into a birdbath
- Has his lips ripped from his face by the g-force of sledding down a hill
- [Has a concentrated beam of sunlight shine directly into his eye]
- [Gets shocked by Jon’s electrified cookie jar]
- [Gets struck by lightning]
- [Survives being trapped inside a washing machine as it runs]
- [Again]
- [Is stuck by every single quill from a porcupine]
- [Is eaten by a snake]
- [Is run over by a lawnmower]
- [Has his tail stuck in a pencil sharpener]
- [Is flung through through a window]
- [Has a door slammed on him hard enough to crack a wall]
- [Is flattened by Jon slamming a door]
- [Again]
- [Is squashed flat as a pancake by a larger cat]
- [Gets brutalized by a whole gang of street dogs at once and enjoys it]
- [Survives a fall so hard he leaves a deep hole in the ground]
- [Again]
- [And Again]
- [Has a fridge fall on him]
- [Has a piano fall on his head]
- [Again]
- [Is crushed under a chunk of crumbling wall]
- [Is crushed under a larger chunk of wall]
- [Is crushed under a huge section of wall]
- [Has a slab of concrete fall on his head]
- [Has a giant can of cola fall on him]
- [Has a tree fall on him]
- [Has a large pile of sand dropped on him
- [Has a large stone wheel hurled at him]
- [Is hit by a wrecking ball]
- [Falls from the roof of his house onto concrete]
- [Falls down a chimney]
- [Falls down a manhole]
- [Falls down a sinkhole]
- [Has his head rammed through the ceiling]
- [Again]
- [Steps out of a car going over 50mph]
- [Is bounced back by a screen door hard enough to crack a wall and topple furniture]
- [Gets smashed through a wall]
- [Is used as a battering ram to bust through a wall]
- [Falls from a great height out of a bird’s grip 1, 2
- [Has a land mine explode in his face]
- [Implied to have been hit by a truck]
- [Is hit by a car]
- [Has a house collapse on him]
- [Survives without his stomach after it temporarily leaves his body]
- [Has the endurance to hang from a treebranch for an entire week]
- [Stays in the same spot long enough for the moon to wax from crescent to full waiting for a flower to grow.]
- [Eats an immense amount of food in a single panel. Doubles as a durability feat for his stomach, as Jon states that that much food should cause him to burst if he tries to eat it all]
- [Eats all the food in a refrigerator in a very short time]
- [Eats a million meals in the same day by noon. This is even more impressive, as Garfield is famously averse to waking up early and fond of sleeping in, meaning it’s likely he didn’t have much time after waking up to eat a million meals before 12:00. For a little more context, Jon states that Garfield sleeps an average of 18 hours a day.
- [While on a short walk, eats so many canaries he causes a city-wide shortage]
- [With Odie, completely wrecks Jon’s living room in a single second]
- [Leaves with all the furniture in a room after Jon leaves it briefly before he can return]
- [Outruns a charging bull]
- [Dodges out of the way of speeding cars]
- [Leaps out of the path of a speeding truck]
- [Keeps pace with a speeding car]
- [Again]
- [Keeps pace with an ice cream truck]
- [Claims to be “faster than a speeding delivery truck”]
- [Outruns rolling donuts, reaching the floor before they can fall off a table. ]
- [Outruns the world’s largest ball of twine as it rolls down a hill after him]
- [Outruns a rolling snowball]
- [Runs up the wall and across the ceiling to the other side of the room in only a few panels]
- [Dodges a thrown shoe]
- [Dodges a thrown pair of binoculars]
- [Dodges a thrown pie with enough force behind it to knock the moon out of the sky]
- [Catches a thrown potted plant]
- [Eats his birthday cake out from under its candles, leaving them briefly suspended in the air]
- [Catches on to Odie’s tongue as he runs by]
- [Leaps to catch a piece of toast mid-air the second it pops up]
- [Again]
- [Eats several apples out of the air as Jon is juggling them]
- [Eats a butterfly out of the air mid-flight]
- [Snatches a fly out of the air]
- [Leaps to snatch a donut out of Jon’s hands before he can take a bite]
- [Rapidly decorates a tree in what Jon estimates to be a world record]
- [Catches up to a car and rips its fender off]
- [Catches up to a car and rips an entire axle off]
- [Demonstrates shocking agility chasing after a thrown mouse]
- [Does a flip]
- [Flips in midair to land on his feet at the last second]
- [Leaps from the floor to the ceiling off-panel]
- [Leaps from a table to the ceiling]
- [Walks on his front paws]
- [Balances a potted plant on his head while rolling atop a ball]
- [Swims rapidly into the sunset]
- [Spins his leg around so fast he takes flight like a helicopter]
- [While trying to escape a sweater, spins fast enough he becomes a small tornado]
- [Moves as a blur for a quick costume change]
- [After eating caffeinated sweets, he becomes a blur, bouncing off the walls and ceiling.]
- [Moves so fast, he seems to vanish panel-to-panel. Gets to his food dish and cleans it out before Jon can finish saying his name]
- [Moves so fast, his slipstream shreds Jon’s clothes]
- [Zooms in from a long distance away before Odie can take a bite of his food]
- [Catches a sandwich before it can hit the floor]
- [Zooms out of bed, eats dinner, and returns before his blanket has time to fall to the ground]
- [Spots a snowflake, and runs back inside, dragging Jon out to see it before it touches the ground.]
- [Moves to his bed before a lightbulb can go out]
- [Moves faster than the speed of sound]
- [Regularly keeps up with the mice in his house, who are implied to be FTE (except for the fat ones).]
- [Moves FTE]
- [Moves FTE, eating all the food out of his food bowl in the time it takes Jon to blink]
- [Eats a goldfish FTE in the space it takes the reader to blink]
- [Somehow loops back around after leaving the panel while Jon is still watching him]
- [Lets go of a tree branch to rub his arms, then grabs back on before he has time to fall]
- [Changes channels on a tv so fast it explodes and the remote starts to smoke]
- [Eats an entire lasagna, pan and all]
- [Eats 219 lbs of lasagna]
- [Eats so many calories in one sitting, Jon’s calculator violently malfunctions from processing such a large number]
- [While on a walk, eats so many canaries he causes a city-wide shortage]
- [Eats an entire bowl of food, bowl included]
- [Again]
- [Eats the pants off of Jon]
- [Eats a tv remote]
- [Eats a bag of tools Jon bought from the hardware store, then spits one back up]
- [Eats a brick]
- [Casually eats a coffee cup]
- [Eats a poison frog]
- [Ate a poison toad]
- [Fits an entire cake in his mouth]
- [Again]
- [And Again]
- [He just keeps going at it]
- [Fits 200 french fries in his mouth]
- [Fits an entire glass fishbowl in his mouth]
- [Implied to have eaten an entire cow]
- [Eats a large fish-shaped sign]
- [Eats a giant burger larger than himself]
- [Eats a puffer fish, and has it expand to fifty times its size inside him]
- [Burps for 43 seconds straight]
- [Burps hard enough to send Jon and Odie flying, blow a door off its hinges, and peel away sections of sidewalk.]
- [Breathes fire after eating a peruvian death pepper]
- [Sneezes the petals off a large group of flowers]
- [With a single sneeze, he blows away Jon, Odie, and a whole room’s worth of furniture]
- [Sneezes hard enough to propel himself partially through a wall, widening an existing mousehole]
- [Can walk on ceilings]
- [Again]
- [And again]
- [His weight crushes a scale]
- [Even Santa Claus thinks he’s fat]
- [His weight bends a long wooden table]
- [His weight tips over Jon’s bed]
- [Again]
- [His weight bends metal playground equipment]
- [His weight causes a section of floor to collapse]
- [His weight topples a tree when he tries to climb it]
- [His weight causes ripples in a hardwood floor]
- [He is so heavy that he causes Jon’s chair to bounce into the air just by running nearby]
- [He’s heavy enough to pound a very deep, very wide hole into the ground just by cannonballing into a pool]
- [His weight warps the very medium of his existence, causing a panel he’s in to bend]
- [Wins a cat show]
- [Nobody can kill him without an appointment]
- [Apparently, he’s already dead]
- [With a single swipe, perfectly slices a loaf of bread]
- [Swats three spiders at once]
- [Scares off a dog larger than he is]
- [Can intimidate machinery into fixing itself]
- [Intimidates light itself to move]
- [Intimidates a balloon into staying afloat]
- [He commands snow to stop falling. With a glare, he even sends an errant flake back into the sky.]
- [Is completely unafraid of monsters]
- [Kills a flower with a single word[
- [His breath melts a vase and a picture frame]
- [His breath melts a metal fork and a glass cup]
- [His breath melts his own teeth]
- [His breath instantly knocks out Jon]
- [Nails Jon right under the nose with a party horn]
- [Lands several thrown donuts on Jon’s novelty moustache]
- [Hits Jon right between the eyes with a toy bow & arrow]
- [Plays at skeet shooting pieces of toast as they pop out of a toaster, and doesn’t miss a single one (we don’t see any arrows on the ground that haven’t impaled toast)
- [Nails Jon in the head with a rock]
- [Nails a mouse with a snowball]
- [Rapidly nails Jon and Odie with snowballs]
- [Uses a birdbath to hit Jon with a perfectly ricocheted snowball]
- [Can rapidly spit tennis balls like an automatic launcher]
- [Is an expert fisherman---without even using a pole!]
- [Pretty good at throwing his voice]
- [Steals Jon’s credit cards and uses them to buy himself a designer Italian suit]
- [Pickpockets an old man without him noticing]
- [Manages to sneak inside his own birthday cake without Jon or Odie seeing him]
- [Is aware he’s in a comic strip]
- [Addresses his reader directly]
- [Knows he’s printed on paper]
- [Is aware what angle he is being drawn from]
- [Pops his own snooze bubble]
- [Rotates his own snooze bubble]
- [Uses his knowledge of the fourth wall to steal a snooze bubble from Jon, depriving him of sleep]
- [Smacks Jon in the face with his snooze bubble]
- [Throws his own snooze bubble at Jon as a weapon]
- [Can play a piano from inside of it]
- [Can play guitar]
- [Makes a sandwich so large it stretches from his house across the street]
- [Can precisely identify the dish a stain came from by taste]
- [Knows what old hyena tastes like]
- [Hears Jon whispering from across the house]
- [While asleep, hears a pizza delivery happening three blocks away and is able to tell what toppings are on it.]
- [Can “hear ice cream”]
- [Implied to also be able to hear donuts.]
- [Chases an invisible mouse]
- [Steals a security camera out from under Jon’s nose, then pawns it without him noticing until later]
- [Plans out an exact chain reaction triggered by John slamming a door]
- [Perfectly measures out a hole to cut in the floor for Jon]
- [Double-Bamboozles Jon]
- [Melts his rubber mouse down and makes earplugs out of it]
- [Builds a revolving glass door into a refrigerator]
- [Rebuilds the front door so that it opens like a pet door and vice versa.]
- [Builds a trap door into a table for spiders]
- [Uses parts from an automatic dog door Jon bought to create a remote activated trap door for Odie]
- [Disables Jon’s brakes]
- [Reprogramme’s a scale with a complex AI. ]
- [Creates an elaborate blueprint for his birthday cake, including electrical wiring schematics ]
- [Builds a remote activated trap for birds “disguised” as a birdbath]
- [Creates an elaborate trap for a dog]
- [Sets a working trap for Santa Claus]
- [Sets traps for mailmen]
- [Sets up snowball lobbing booby traps all over the yard]
- [Robs a bank. Claims it was an accident.]
- [Steals milk from babies]
- [Turns Jon into a tourist attraction, and gets on the news]
- [Has a secret plan to lead cats to world domination]
- [Counts all the bricks in a silo]
- [Knows the exact moment when Jon will wake up every morning]
- [Pulls all the fabric off a chair, then knits it perfectly back into shape]
- [Using only his claws, carves a sofa into a statue of himself]
- [Elongates his body]
- [Has his body squeezed and elongated by a corset]
- [Has his neck stretched thin by a tight turtleneck]
- [Has his body stretched thin and compressed by a shrinking sweater]
- [Squashes himself flat with a recliner]
- [Able to have his body freely stretched]
- [Temporarily alters his body to appear extremely muscular]
- [Again]
- [Rapidly accumulates muscle mass in his arms simply by eating]
- [Has his face squashed into a square shape from sleeping in a corner]
- [After colliding with Odie, both have their front halves flattened]
- [Can tuck his head into his body like a turtle]
- [Can transfer his mass from his torso to his tail]
- [Gets squashed into a space between fence posts]
- [Squeezes into a vase far smaller than him]
- [Again]
- [Squeezes his entire body into a coffee cup]
- [He and Jon’s heads are shoved into the same bottle]
- [Hides his entire body flat under his cat bed]
- [Hides his entire body behind a thin lamp]
- [Stretches his arm to fit around a refrigerator]
- [Stretches his lips far from his face]
- [Extends his jaw]
- [Transforms into a monster on Halloween]
- [Is able to breathe while submerged in food]
- [Has his face turned upside down]
- [Has his face pucker inwards, folding in on itself]
- [Has opposable thumbs]
- [Sheds. A lot. Completely blankets John and a table with shed hair.]
- [His stomach can separate from the rest of his body, acting independently]
- [By viewing the world upside down, he alters the direction of gravity]
- [Able to move in slow motion at will, reducing his falls to a snail’s pace]
- [Warps reality by tilting a painting]
- [Sends Odie through time into the future with a kick]
- [Wills himself from an alternate time back to his own]
- [Can apparently travel freely between comic strips. Also more fourth wall awareness.]
- [Just.. completely breaks physics]
- [Seems to be able to make wishes and have them granted, albeit in a way he doesn’t always like]
- [Makes a birthday with for his cake to be bigger and has it come true]
- [Manifests objects from his dreams in real life]
- [Seems to be able to physically manifest and interact with figments of his psyche. Eats donuts representing his conscience, leaving behind crumbs that indicate they’re in some way real. ]
- [Can infiltrate other people’s daydreams and interact with them]
- [Breaks a mirror with his looks]
- [Sings a note high enough to “shatter paper”]
- [Flicks off Odie’s nose]
- [Swaps noses with Odie, forcing him to suffer a sneeze]
- [Adjusts a dog’s nose like a dial to force it to bark more quietly]
- [Seemingly teleports Odie’s head from a top hat into his food dish]
- [Moves a mousehole while it’s still in the wall]
- [Has a flamethrower]
- [Has a chainsaw]
- [Has a dart gun]
- [Has a giant slingshot]
- [Has a “mouse call”]
- [King Kong canonically exists in Garfield’s world]
- [So do monsters]
- [And aliens]
2024.05.18 17:59 xtremexavier15 TMA 8
The episode faded back in to a shot of the Gaffers' platform being raised up to the roof by Scott, Ripper, and Chase as MK watched and Izzy walked over, wiping slime off herself.
"Uh, not to sound lazy," Scott said as he left the chain, "but I'm not feeling so good."
"You probably just have a cold," Izzy told him.
"Since when do colds have sores like this?" Scott followed up as he lifted his right arm and pointed to a round, reddish-brown spot on his elbow.
Izzy looked at him attentively and put her hand on his forehead. "Your body temperature is high, but it's possible that-" she was interrupted by a sudden burp from her teammate that caused her to cringe and take a step back. "Why does your breath smell like lemons?"
"Are you trashing my burps?" Scott asked in confusion.
"Hold on," Justin interrupted as the camera cut to him. "Red sores, fever, lemony burps? Aren't those symptoms of one of the diseases in the book?"
"Page 753," Millie exclaimed. "Mortatistical Crumples Disease!" She gasped. "And it's fatal!"
Everyone gasped. "Mortatistical Crumples is also highly contagious!" MK added, eliciting another gasp from most of the cast.
"Okay, looks like it's quarantine time!" Chris said, backing towards the door with barely-hidden panic. "See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya!" He gave them a quick wave, then dashed out the double door between the two vats. Both teams went over to it with shock on their faces as the sounds of power tools were heard on the other side.
The camera cut to Chris as he pounded a nail in with a hammer. It was one of many holding up a red banner with an orange skull-and-crossbones on it, set over several long pieces of wood that had been nailed up to bar the exit. "There's more to this disease than either team knows," he told the camera with an impish grin before walking away with a dark chuckle.
Another shot of the numbered studios was shown. "Hold on," Anne Maria spoke up as the shot cut back to the ten castmates in the challenge set. "How did Dirt Boy catch a fatal disease?"
“I'm sure it's just a twenty-four hour kind of fatal,” Scott hoped.
"We have to quarantine Scott! Stat!" Izzy said in a panic.
The camera showed Ripper furiously inflating a plastic bubble with a bicycle pump; the bubble had a yellow-and-black biohazard symbol on it. "Get inside now!" the bully shouted before Scott threw himself head-first into the bubble.
"Oh no!" Jasmine cried. "Brick has a sore too!" She pointed at the soldier boy's upper left arm, who took one look at the sore and began to wave his arm in a panic.
"It has to be a mistake!" Brick exclaimed.
"Hey!" Scott exclaimed from inside his bubble, another one getting inflated nearby. "Is there an exit to this thing?"
"There isn't one!" Ripper shouted as he continued to pump and Brick got into his bubble.
"Why didn't anyone tell me that before I jumped in?!" Scott griped.
“Okay, everyone just calm down!" Chase said.
"Agreed," Jasmine spoke up sternly. "We should make sure no one else is infected. Symptoms of Mortotistico Crumple's Disease include explosive diarrhea..."
"Oh no!" The camera cut to Chase as his bowels began to groan and he ran into a nearby portable toilet with a panicked look on his face.
"Itchy lips," Jasmine continued as the shot cut to Justin, who suddenly bit his lip.
"My… my lips," he moaned. "They're on fire!" He began to frantically rub and scratch at them, leaving them swollen and red.
"Sudden hot flashes," Jasmine listed off as MK began to sweat profusely and tug at her jacket. "Sea sickness," Ripper turned green and vomited. "Speaking in tongues," Izzy was the next to be affected as she babbled incoherently and indistinguishably with her eyes rolling upwards, which continued even as Jasmine listed the final symptom, "and temporary blindness."
"Everyone can see, right?" Jasmine asked as she checked over the castmates’ current states. "That's good to know," she said in relief before walking forward and bumping straight into Brick's bubble. "Oh no," she said in newfound panic. "I'm the one who's blind!"
Confessional: Anne Maria
"I know this is a reality show," Anne Maria told the confessional camera in a serious tone, "but I doubt that Chris would allow us to actually die on national television!"
Confessional Ends
The scene cut to Chris himself watching from his control room, leaning back in his chair with his legs propped up on the desk in front of him. "You'd think we wouldn't," he told the camera, "but, just imagine the ratings!"
Back in the quarantined set, the camera panned across the room to show that everyone except for Anne Maria, Millie, and the bubbled Brick and Scott were now laying on top of stretchers, groaning and moaning.
“This is super bad,” Millie said. “We have to do something.”
“Do you mean taking their temperatures, because we only have rectal thermometers, and I'm not in the mood to joke around with them,” Anne Maria responded.
“I wasn't even thinking about that at all,” Millie stated. “Joking with diseases is not funny at all.”
“Obviously, but have you noticed we're the only ones who didn't take part in the studying all-nighter, and we're the only ones who haven't been infected?” Anne Maria asked while looking over everybody.
“I'm not so sure about this supposed disease,” Millie mused. “We need to get our hands on one of those textbooks. There has to be something they missed.”
“I’d do it if Chris didn’t seal off the only exit,” Anne Maria argued.
"There’s another exit over there," Millie pointed to the Grips' platform, which was now sitting on the floor empty of body parts. The chain still led up to a hole in the ceiling where the reel was situated.
"Oh yeah. How in the world did I not notice that?" Anne Maria droned sarcastically before the two made a dash for the platform.
"I still haven’t forgotten you pushing me off the diving board a few days ago, so don’t think I’m scared of pulling the platform as high as possible," Millie informed as they stepped onto the platform and pulled down on the chain, making them ascend.
The footage flashed forward to the outside of the studio as the two girls jumped down from a ladder on the wall of the building. “You grab a textbook, I'll look in the kitchen,” Millie instructed before they split off in opposite directions.
Confessional: Millie
"I really hope that the disease is fake," Millie explained in the make-up trailer. "There were some diagnoses and symptoms in the textbook that I've never heard of before, but I've studied a lot about diseases to be familiar with a selective few."
Confessional Ends
Back inside, Scott was shown to be rolling around in his bubble. "How long has it been since I got in this bubble?" he groaned.
"I don't want to hold onto my bladder for more than an hour!" Brick cried while covering his groin with both hands.
"My lips," Justin groaned on his stretcher. "Of all places, why my lips?"
"I'd kiss them to make you feel better, but I'm not a princess and you are not a frog," MK said, sitting up on the stretcher next to him; Jasmine and Chase were visible in a row behind them. "And even then, I am not an animal kisser."
Ripper was sitting against one of the walls, writing something on a piece of paper with a bucket of vomit next to him. “To my parents; don't let my brothers keep the money I've taken from weaklings in the past.” He paused to throw up into his bucket before writing again. “To my brothers; don't even think about stealing my stash from me, especially you, Wolfgang! From your best son, Richard Kennedy.”
The double doors between the vats were thrown open by Millie and Anne Maria. The camera pulled out as the other cast members moaned, and the two young women stepped into the room – the Jersey girl holding a textbook, and the author with some kind of canister.
"Who's there?" Jasmine asked.
"Simmer down, everyone," Anne Maria said. "We're just here to expose the truth about these textbooks, which are actually bogus." She held the book she'd brought up, and easily tore the cover off it. "The book covers are just cereal boxes." Her bowels started to growl, and with a panicked look, she dropped the book and ran towards the portable toilet. "I'll be right back!"
"It can be a crock," Jasmine sat up on her stretcher. "Nobody's faking the sickness!"
“No, but it's still untrue,” Millie interjected. “I just went to Chef's kitchen, and I found this "cheese". The camera focused in on the canister in her hand as she held it up, showing that it had an image of a cheese wedge on the label.
"Uh, what is in that parmesan?" Brick wondered innocently.
"It is not cheese, but it is," Millie tore off the label to reveal a second beneath it with an image of scratching hands on it, "itching powder and laxatives!"
"Chef!" Brick muttered under his breath. "Why did he not inform me?"
It was then that Anne Maria burst back out of the portable toilet followed by a cloud of foul odor. "That explains the diarrhea and itchy lips."
"And I didn't get sick since I'm the only one who didn't eat the pizza," Millie added.
"What about the sores on Brick and Scott?" Chase asked.
"As for those," Millie laughed lightly, walking over to her quarantined teammate. "They're just pepperoni pieces that got stuck on you when you likely fell asleep."
Brick reached over to touch his sore, and it peeled off easily. "She's right!"
Scott also touched his own sore and it also peeled off quickly. "I was suckered! Now can somebody let me out of here now?"
"So wait," MK spoke up, "the disease is fake?"
Jasmine was the first to react, sitting up and blinking. "By golly. I'm not blind anymore!"
"And I can talk normally!" Izzy cheered.
"And I'm not gonna throw up anymore!" Ripper added. "We've been cured!"
"Could I be let out now?!" Brick pleaded. "I have some urgent business to take care of!"
"I'm comin’," Anne Maria rushed over to the bubble and simply popped it with her fingernail. Both of them winced as the bubble burst, and Brick immediately rushed over to the portable toilet.
"And don't forget about me as well!" Scott spoke up, rolling his bubble into the middle of the room.
Izzy took out a pin, popping her teammate's bubble. “This was all first year med school syndrome!” she said. “Too much studying and too little sleep can make you think you've got every disease in the book!”
"Congratulations, Killer Grips!" the voice of Chris McLean came suddenly, the camera pulling out to show the host descending from the ceiling on another chain. "You just won the challenge!"
The five Grips began to cheer and celebrate. "Brilliant diagnostic skills, Anne Maria and Millie. Way to suss it out. And, for your reward," Chris continued, frowning and looking down at his empty hands. "Knew I forgot something. Just a sec!" he said before stepping back onto the chain's foothold and raising back out of the room.
Confessional: Anne Maria
"This challenge was certainly… something," Anne Maria confessed. "I can't believe that I had to play the role of doctor just to tell everybody about the so-called disease being a lie. Who knew tainted pizza could make you have hot flashes and sea sickness?”
Confessional Ends
"One thing's for sure. I'm double checking my food from now on if I want to prevent temporary blindness or having to speak in tongues," Jasmine told the Grips as the footage cut back to them.
“Once again, the pizza was too good to be true,” Brick commented. “You made a good call not eating any slices, Millie.”
“I had no idea that there were laxatives put onto it,” Millie claimed. “If I wasn't so invested with the book, I'd probably eat the pizza and fall victim to the sickness just like you guys.”
It was then that Chris returned, descending down on the same chain as before but now carrying a covered platter. "As I was saying," he said as he walked towards the Grips, "for your reward!"
He removed the cover and the camera zoomed in on what lay beneath – five picture frames, three in back and two in front, each containing a photograph of a different person. The first on the left was a light purple cat. The second was a confident-looking Hawaiian woman with black long hair wearing a yellow tracksuit and red hoop earrings. In the middle was a teenage girl, pale with brown hair tied in a bun and a beige tank top. Fourth was a smiling white man; he had no hair, had golden dog tags around his neck, and was dressed in a dark green military outfit. And on the right end was an elderly black man with white curly hair, a white mustache covering his mouth, and a dark orange collared long-sleeved shirt.
"That's my cat Whiskers!" Jasmine said excitedly as the shot panned across the photos.
"And that's one of my girlfriends Vanessa," Anne Maria declared.
"Yup!" Chris told them. "One of you gets a whole spa night away from this cruddy studio lot, with your very best friend! So, who's the lucky stiff?"
“I'd kill for a spa day, even if it's with my mom, so how about letting me have it?” Justin smiled widely at his team.
“I have some things I want to talk about with my father,” Brick suggested.
“Now wait just a minute…” Jasmine interrupted as she, Brick, and Justin started to argue over who should get the prize.
“Can all of you shut up!!” Anne Maria ceased the fight, causing everyone to look at her. “As much as I would love to be away from this trashy film lot, I say we should let Millie have the reward.”
"Wait, me?" Millie asked in astonishment. “How come?”
"Clearly, you did the most research out of all of us, and you won the challenge for us," Anne Maria answered.
“You did say that the person who contributes the most should claim the reward,” Brick brought up.
“And with you also not eating that pizza, you've certainly earned that spa night,” Jasmine smiled.
“I don't want to be left out, so okay then,” Justin agreed with a shrug.
"Chris, the Killer Grips came to a decision," Anne Maria said before giving Millie a light shove forward.
"W-wow," Millie said softly as she began to tear up. "This is really generous!"
“Just accept the offer before I trade places with you,” Justin said.
"Eeeuuughh," Chris said in disgust. "Clean up on aisle two!" he called, and moments later, a pair of young white men in white work outfits walked through the open door, one of which carried a push broom. They disappeared off-screen for a moment, then reappeared with one pushing Millie towards the door and the other sweeping up after.
"Thank you for allowing me to take the reward!" Millie said as she allowed herself to be escorted out, wiping away her tears with her hands.
The scene cut outside as Millie walked up to the beaten-down Lame-o-sine. The door opened, and she smiled and stepped inside.
"Granddad!" the writer said happily as the shot moved inside to show her hugging the white haired old man who had been seen in one of the pictures. "I've really missed you!"
"I missed you too, Millie," the man said as he hugged his daughter. "Don't get my favorite shirt wet now. I got it dry cleaned."
"Sorry," Millie said as they broke their hug. "I have a lot to talk to you about ever since I competed in the first season."
Her grandfather smiled proudly. "Spill the details. I can tell you had a ball, but don't blame me if I start to doze off more than I do while writing best selling books."
"I'm not that boring!" Millie laughed cutely. "So it all started when I was dropped off on the dock..."
"Sheesh," Chris cringed as the scene cut to him in his control room. "Talk about a loving family! Hopefully they'll get their dullness smoothed while they're at the spa." He pulled a lever on the desk, cutting the monitor feeds to static, and stood up. "So, will the Grips' winning streak last? Or will they fall apart and lose their teamwork? Find out next time, on Total! Drama! Action!"
(Roll the Credits)
(Bonus Clip)
“That spa night was amazing!” Millie told the camera while in the trailer. “The manicures and pedicures were to die for, and the facials and mud bath really smoothened the rough parts of my skin. Granted, this spa night wasn't as fun as the two-day resort back in Camp Wawanakwa, but thankfully, I didn't have to eat any disgusting food this time, so that's an upside. Want to know something interesting? Granddad was more into the spa treatments than me, but don't tell him that I said that to you,” she added with a giggle.
Eva - 14th
Geoff - 14th
Izzy - RETURNED
Trent - 12th
Sky - 11th
Killer Grips: Anne Maria, Brick, Jasmine, Justin, Millie
Screaming Gaffers: Chase, Izzy, MK, Ripper, Scott
submitted by xtremexavier15 to u/xtremexavier15 [link] [comments]
"Uh, not to sound lazy," Scott said as he left the chain, "but I'm not feeling so good."
"You probably just have a cold," Izzy told him.
"Since when do colds have sores like this?" Scott followed up as he lifted his right arm and pointed to a round, reddish-brown spot on his elbow.
Izzy looked at him attentively and put her hand on his forehead. "Your body temperature is high, but it's possible that-" she was interrupted by a sudden burp from her teammate that caused her to cringe and take a step back. "Why does your breath smell like lemons?"
"Are you trashing my burps?" Scott asked in confusion.
"Hold on," Justin interrupted as the camera cut to him. "Red sores, fever, lemony burps? Aren't those symptoms of one of the diseases in the book?"
"Page 753," Millie exclaimed. "Mortatistical Crumples Disease!" She gasped. "And it's fatal!"
Everyone gasped. "Mortatistical Crumples is also highly contagious!" MK added, eliciting another gasp from most of the cast.
"Okay, looks like it's quarantine time!" Chris said, backing towards the door with barely-hidden panic. "See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya!" He gave them a quick wave, then dashed out the double door between the two vats. Both teams went over to it with shock on their faces as the sounds of power tools were heard on the other side.
The camera cut to Chris as he pounded a nail in with a hammer. It was one of many holding up a red banner with an orange skull-and-crossbones on it, set over several long pieces of wood that had been nailed up to bar the exit. "There's more to this disease than either team knows," he told the camera with an impish grin before walking away with a dark chuckle.
Another shot of the numbered studios was shown. "Hold on," Anne Maria spoke up as the shot cut back to the ten castmates in the challenge set. "How did Dirt Boy catch a fatal disease?"
“I'm sure it's just a twenty-four hour kind of fatal,” Scott hoped.
"We have to quarantine Scott! Stat!" Izzy said in a panic.
The camera showed Ripper furiously inflating a plastic bubble with a bicycle pump; the bubble had a yellow-and-black biohazard symbol on it. "Get inside now!" the bully shouted before Scott threw himself head-first into the bubble.
"Oh no!" Jasmine cried. "Brick has a sore too!" She pointed at the soldier boy's upper left arm, who took one look at the sore and began to wave his arm in a panic.
"It has to be a mistake!" Brick exclaimed.
"Hey!" Scott exclaimed from inside his bubble, another one getting inflated nearby. "Is there an exit to this thing?"
"There isn't one!" Ripper shouted as he continued to pump and Brick got into his bubble.
"Why didn't anyone tell me that before I jumped in?!" Scott griped.
“Okay, everyone just calm down!" Chase said.
"Agreed," Jasmine spoke up sternly. "We should make sure no one else is infected. Symptoms of Mortotistico Crumple's Disease include explosive diarrhea..."
"Oh no!" The camera cut to Chase as his bowels began to groan and he ran into a nearby portable toilet with a panicked look on his face.
"Itchy lips," Jasmine continued as the shot cut to Justin, who suddenly bit his lip.
"My… my lips," he moaned. "They're on fire!" He began to frantically rub and scratch at them, leaving them swollen and red.
"Sudden hot flashes," Jasmine listed off as MK began to sweat profusely and tug at her jacket. "Sea sickness," Ripper turned green and vomited. "Speaking in tongues," Izzy was the next to be affected as she babbled incoherently and indistinguishably with her eyes rolling upwards, which continued even as Jasmine listed the final symptom, "and temporary blindness."
"Everyone can see, right?" Jasmine asked as she checked over the castmates’ current states. "That's good to know," she said in relief before walking forward and bumping straight into Brick's bubble. "Oh no," she said in newfound panic. "I'm the one who's blind!"
Confessional: Anne Maria
"I know this is a reality show," Anne Maria told the confessional camera in a serious tone, "but I doubt that Chris would allow us to actually die on national television!"
Confessional Ends
The scene cut to Chris himself watching from his control room, leaning back in his chair with his legs propped up on the desk in front of him. "You'd think we wouldn't," he told the camera, "but, just imagine the ratings!"
Back in the quarantined set, the camera panned across the room to show that everyone except for Anne Maria, Millie, and the bubbled Brick and Scott were now laying on top of stretchers, groaning and moaning.
“This is super bad,” Millie said. “We have to do something.”
“Do you mean taking their temperatures, because we only have rectal thermometers, and I'm not in the mood to joke around with them,” Anne Maria responded.
“I wasn't even thinking about that at all,” Millie stated. “Joking with diseases is not funny at all.”
“Obviously, but have you noticed we're the only ones who didn't take part in the studying all-nighter, and we're the only ones who haven't been infected?” Anne Maria asked while looking over everybody.
“I'm not so sure about this supposed disease,” Millie mused. “We need to get our hands on one of those textbooks. There has to be something they missed.”
“I’d do it if Chris didn’t seal off the only exit,” Anne Maria argued.
"There’s another exit over there," Millie pointed to the Grips' platform, which was now sitting on the floor empty of body parts. The chain still led up to a hole in the ceiling where the reel was situated.
"Oh yeah. How in the world did I not notice that?" Anne Maria droned sarcastically before the two made a dash for the platform.
"I still haven’t forgotten you pushing me off the diving board a few days ago, so don’t think I’m scared of pulling the platform as high as possible," Millie informed as they stepped onto the platform and pulled down on the chain, making them ascend.
The footage flashed forward to the outside of the studio as the two girls jumped down from a ladder on the wall of the building. “You grab a textbook, I'll look in the kitchen,” Millie instructed before they split off in opposite directions.
Confessional: Millie
"I really hope that the disease is fake," Millie explained in the make-up trailer. "There were some diagnoses and symptoms in the textbook that I've never heard of before, but I've studied a lot about diseases to be familiar with a selective few."
Confessional Ends
Back inside, Scott was shown to be rolling around in his bubble. "How long has it been since I got in this bubble?" he groaned.
"I don't want to hold onto my bladder for more than an hour!" Brick cried while covering his groin with both hands.
"My lips," Justin groaned on his stretcher. "Of all places, why my lips?"
"I'd kiss them to make you feel better, but I'm not a princess and you are not a frog," MK said, sitting up on the stretcher next to him; Jasmine and Chase were visible in a row behind them. "And even then, I am not an animal kisser."
Ripper was sitting against one of the walls, writing something on a piece of paper with a bucket of vomit next to him. “To my parents; don't let my brothers keep the money I've taken from weaklings in the past.” He paused to throw up into his bucket before writing again. “To my brothers; don't even think about stealing my stash from me, especially you, Wolfgang! From your best son, Richard Kennedy.”
The double doors between the vats were thrown open by Millie and Anne Maria. The camera pulled out as the other cast members moaned, and the two young women stepped into the room – the Jersey girl holding a textbook, and the author with some kind of canister.
"Who's there?" Jasmine asked.
"Simmer down, everyone," Anne Maria said. "We're just here to expose the truth about these textbooks, which are actually bogus." She held the book she'd brought up, and easily tore the cover off it. "The book covers are just cereal boxes." Her bowels started to growl, and with a panicked look, she dropped the book and ran towards the portable toilet. "I'll be right back!"
"It can be a crock," Jasmine sat up on her stretcher. "Nobody's faking the sickness!"
“No, but it's still untrue,” Millie interjected. “I just went to Chef's kitchen, and I found this "cheese". The camera focused in on the canister in her hand as she held it up, showing that it had an image of a cheese wedge on the label.
"Uh, what is in that parmesan?" Brick wondered innocently.
"It is not cheese, but it is," Millie tore off the label to reveal a second beneath it with an image of scratching hands on it, "itching powder and laxatives!"
"Chef!" Brick muttered under his breath. "Why did he not inform me?"
It was then that Anne Maria burst back out of the portable toilet followed by a cloud of foul odor. "That explains the diarrhea and itchy lips."
"And I didn't get sick since I'm the only one who didn't eat the pizza," Millie added.
"What about the sores on Brick and Scott?" Chase asked.
"As for those," Millie laughed lightly, walking over to her quarantined teammate. "They're just pepperoni pieces that got stuck on you when you likely fell asleep."
Brick reached over to touch his sore, and it peeled off easily. "She's right!"
Scott also touched his own sore and it also peeled off quickly. "I was suckered! Now can somebody let me out of here now?"
"So wait," MK spoke up, "the disease is fake?"
Jasmine was the first to react, sitting up and blinking. "By golly. I'm not blind anymore!"
"And I can talk normally!" Izzy cheered.
"And I'm not gonna throw up anymore!" Ripper added. "We've been cured!"
"Could I be let out now?!" Brick pleaded. "I have some urgent business to take care of!"
"I'm comin’," Anne Maria rushed over to the bubble and simply popped it with her fingernail. Both of them winced as the bubble burst, and Brick immediately rushed over to the portable toilet.
"And don't forget about me as well!" Scott spoke up, rolling his bubble into the middle of the room.
Izzy took out a pin, popping her teammate's bubble. “This was all first year med school syndrome!” she said. “Too much studying and too little sleep can make you think you've got every disease in the book!”
"Congratulations, Killer Grips!" the voice of Chris McLean came suddenly, the camera pulling out to show the host descending from the ceiling on another chain. "You just won the challenge!"
The five Grips began to cheer and celebrate. "Brilliant diagnostic skills, Anne Maria and Millie. Way to suss it out. And, for your reward," Chris continued, frowning and looking down at his empty hands. "Knew I forgot something. Just a sec!" he said before stepping back onto the chain's foothold and raising back out of the room.
Confessional: Anne Maria
"This challenge was certainly… something," Anne Maria confessed. "I can't believe that I had to play the role of doctor just to tell everybody about the so-called disease being a lie. Who knew tainted pizza could make you have hot flashes and sea sickness?”
Confessional Ends
"One thing's for sure. I'm double checking my food from now on if I want to prevent temporary blindness or having to speak in tongues," Jasmine told the Grips as the footage cut back to them.
“Once again, the pizza was too good to be true,” Brick commented. “You made a good call not eating any slices, Millie.”
“I had no idea that there were laxatives put onto it,” Millie claimed. “If I wasn't so invested with the book, I'd probably eat the pizza and fall victim to the sickness just like you guys.”
It was then that Chris returned, descending down on the same chain as before but now carrying a covered platter. "As I was saying," he said as he walked towards the Grips, "for your reward!"
He removed the cover and the camera zoomed in on what lay beneath – five picture frames, three in back and two in front, each containing a photograph of a different person. The first on the left was a light purple cat. The second was a confident-looking Hawaiian woman with black long hair wearing a yellow tracksuit and red hoop earrings. In the middle was a teenage girl, pale with brown hair tied in a bun and a beige tank top. Fourth was a smiling white man; he had no hair, had golden dog tags around his neck, and was dressed in a dark green military outfit. And on the right end was an elderly black man with white curly hair, a white mustache covering his mouth, and a dark orange collared long-sleeved shirt.
"That's my cat Whiskers!" Jasmine said excitedly as the shot panned across the photos.
"And that's one of my girlfriends Vanessa," Anne Maria declared.
"Yup!" Chris told them. "One of you gets a whole spa night away from this cruddy studio lot, with your very best friend! So, who's the lucky stiff?"
“I'd kill for a spa day, even if it's with my mom, so how about letting me have it?” Justin smiled widely at his team.
“I have some things I want to talk about with my father,” Brick suggested.
“Now wait just a minute…” Jasmine interrupted as she, Brick, and Justin started to argue over who should get the prize.
“Can all of you shut up!!” Anne Maria ceased the fight, causing everyone to look at her. “As much as I would love to be away from this trashy film lot, I say we should let Millie have the reward.”
"Wait, me?" Millie asked in astonishment. “How come?”
"Clearly, you did the most research out of all of us, and you won the challenge for us," Anne Maria answered.
“You did say that the person who contributes the most should claim the reward,” Brick brought up.
“And with you also not eating that pizza, you've certainly earned that spa night,” Jasmine smiled.
“I don't want to be left out, so okay then,” Justin agreed with a shrug.
"Chris, the Killer Grips came to a decision," Anne Maria said before giving Millie a light shove forward.
"W-wow," Millie said softly as she began to tear up. "This is really generous!"
“Just accept the offer before I trade places with you,” Justin said.
"Eeeuuughh," Chris said in disgust. "Clean up on aisle two!" he called, and moments later, a pair of young white men in white work outfits walked through the open door, one of which carried a push broom. They disappeared off-screen for a moment, then reappeared with one pushing Millie towards the door and the other sweeping up after.
"Thank you for allowing me to take the reward!" Millie said as she allowed herself to be escorted out, wiping away her tears with her hands.
The scene cut outside as Millie walked up to the beaten-down Lame-o-sine. The door opened, and she smiled and stepped inside.
"Granddad!" the writer said happily as the shot moved inside to show her hugging the white haired old man who had been seen in one of the pictures. "I've really missed you!"
"I missed you too, Millie," the man said as he hugged his daughter. "Don't get my favorite shirt wet now. I got it dry cleaned."
"Sorry," Millie said as they broke their hug. "I have a lot to talk to you about ever since I competed in the first season."
Her grandfather smiled proudly. "Spill the details. I can tell you had a ball, but don't blame me if I start to doze off more than I do while writing best selling books."
"I'm not that boring!" Millie laughed cutely. "So it all started when I was dropped off on the dock..."
"Sheesh," Chris cringed as the scene cut to him in his control room. "Talk about a loving family! Hopefully they'll get their dullness smoothed while they're at the spa." He pulled a lever on the desk, cutting the monitor feeds to static, and stood up. "So, will the Grips' winning streak last? Or will they fall apart and lose their teamwork? Find out next time, on Total! Drama! Action!"
(Roll the Credits)
(Bonus Clip)
“That spa night was amazing!” Millie told the camera while in the trailer. “The manicures and pedicures were to die for, and the facials and mud bath really smoothened the rough parts of my skin. Granted, this spa night wasn't as fun as the two-day resort back in Camp Wawanakwa, but thankfully, I didn't have to eat any disgusting food this time, so that's an upside. Want to know something interesting? Granddad was more into the spa treatments than me, but don't tell him that I said that to you,” she added with a giggle.
Eva - 14th
Geoff - 14th
Izzy - RETURNED
Trent - 12th
Sky - 11th
Killer Grips: Anne Maria, Brick, Jasmine, Justin, Millie
Screaming Gaffers: Chase, Izzy, MK, Ripper, Scott
2024.05.18 17:56 xtremexavier15 TMA 8
Killer Grips: Anne Maria, Brick, Jasmine, Justin, Millie
Screaming Gaffers: Chase, Izzy, MK, Ripper, Scott
Episode 8: One Flu Over the Cuckoos
"Last time, on Total Drama Action! Imprisoned in a world they didn't create. Forced to ingest deadly foods, and even to taste them twice!"
"Nonetheless, the two courageous teams clawed their way to freedom! And... a lonely Chef made a new friend."
"But prison is no place for law abiding citizens. Even athletic ones. So at the end of the day, it was goodbye, Sky, hello... Izzy?" The camera panned back to show Chris lounging in the control tent. "Yeah. Izzy. That girl is eight shades of nutty. Will she drive everyone else crazy too?"
The scene flashed to a close-up of Chris standing in front of the cast trailers, the camera pulling back with each word of the show's title. "Find out now, on Total! Drama! Action!"
(Theme Song)
The scene faded in to a shot of an owl hooting on a tree branch at night until a few sparks erupted from it and its head popped off on a spring. The camera panned down and to the left, catching the castmates as they made their way back to their trailers; the Gaffers were in front, and the Grips were in the back, though Brick was noticeably absent.
“Everything is so much smaller than I remembered!” Izzy said while looking around.
"I can't believe that you guys eliminated Sky," Chase said as the camera focused on the Gaffers. "She would have continued to help carry us to victory if she was still here."
“I remember that bush! I remember that tree!” Izzy continued to observe her surroundings until she tripped onto the floor, only to get back up. “Oh, I remember that rock! Hey rock!”
“You know,” Scott spoke up, “with Sky gone and Izzy being back, it's like we didn't lose a player.”
“That may be because the teams are still evenly matched,” MK claimed.
"Good night everybody," Millie told the contestants in a tired tone as she took the steps up to the girls' trailer. "I really need to get some rest." She grabbed the door handle and habitually moved to open it, but it didn't budge and she slammed face-first into it.
"First they lock us in," Ripper said as the camera cut over to him pulling on the door handle of the guys' trailer, "and now they're locking us out!" He grunted as he kept trying to open it, but he failed to move it at all.
"Wait, wait," Izzy said from off-screen, "let me try it!" Ripper quickly stepped aside just as Izzy rammed the door and bounced off of it without making a dent.
A loud siren started up as tense music began to play in the background.
“Cops!!!” Izzy panicked soon after getting up and ducked out of the way.
Seconds later, an ambulance drove past, stopping in front of them just long enough for the back doors to open and a covered stretcher to fall out. Siren still blaring, the ambulance drove off and the castmates hesitantly approached its former cargo.
"What is that? A dead body?" Anne Maria asked nervously.
"Or an undead body," Ripper guessed.
Whatever was on the stretcher sat up, and the cover fell away to reveal Chris McLean lying on a colorful stack of books. The castmates gasped and murmured at the dazed-looking host. "...Boo!" the handsome man said suddenly, earning a blank look from MK.
The host then cleared his throat. "Calm yourselves. No one's dead yet," he said with a smile, holding up one of the books. "I'm here to prep you plucky ducks for our most awesome challenge yet! These textbooks hold the sum total of eight years of med school, and each one of you gets one," he explained before tossing the book in his hand to Anne Maria who raised an eyebrow once she caught it, "cause tomorrow, we're gonna play Doctor!" A few deep and tense notes played as Anne Maria rolled her eyes.
Confessional: Anne Maria
"I don't have anything against doctors," Anne Maria confessed. "It is their job to put scalpers and needles onto people, and give advice like “Don't break your leg because you were out late skateboarding,” but playing doctor isn't really in my wheelhouse.”
Confessional: Brick
"If I wanted to, I could be a doctor," Brick explained to the camera. "I've been to the doctor's office countless times because of my many injuries, like a twisted wrist, a joint thumb, bruised ribs, or even my leg getting bit by a dog." He shuddered. “Don't ask. But the military is my top priority.”
Confessionals End
"To win this challenge," Chris said as the footage cut back to him and the castmates, each of whom now held a textbook, "you're gonna want to memorize the entire contents of these textbooks. By morning."
"But it's already late," Millie protested.
"You got that right," Chris answered as a golf cart drove up with a giant pizza slice on the roof and a large stack of pizza boxes in the back. The driver was Chef, who had a pizza delivery hat on. As soon as the cart stopped, Chef got out and carried the comically large stack of pizzas over to Chase. "What med school all-nighter would be complete without pizza?" Chris asked.
Chase was shown dropping his textbook as he accepted the stack in awe, and a harp played in the background as he and Izzy gave it a sniff. He let out an approving sigh as Izzy smiled happily. "Pizza," the daredevil said.
"This has to be a trick," Millie said.
"More like method acting," Chris told them as he walked over to the golf cart and hopped onto the back. "Med school interns consume 850% more pizza than the average human. So, dig in! Cause there's plenty more where that came from!" The cart sputtered away, leaving the castmates by themselves.
Jasmine opened the top box and took out a slice. "Looks okay, smells okay," she said before finally taking a bite. "Tastes...great!"
"How is that even possible?" Anne Maria asked.
The scene flashed over to an unfinished pizza getting tossed into the air, the camera following it as it fell into Brick's hands. The table he was standing at already had four other pizzas on it, and they looked to be complete.
The camera panned right over to Chef with four cooked pizzas at his table as he held a can of parmesan. "Keep 'em comin'," Chef ordered. "I'll add the final cheesy touch," he said deviously while sprinkling the can on one of the pizzas.
"I'm pretty sure my team is going to question where I am," Brick complained.
"Not as long as they're eating, they won't!" Chef got up in Brick's face. "So hush up and spin that dough. Spin like the wind." As Chef went back to his station, the camera zoomed in on Brick's worried face.
The scene flashed to the five Gaffers sitting in chairs by a fire in front of the cast trailers, eating pizza and reading textbooks. The camera focused in on Izzy and Ripper, who were in the two leftmost seats.
"Y'know," Ripper said, "one time me and my brothers ordered ten boxes of pizza in order to see who can eat the most without using their hands." He chuckled. “You should've been there watching us splatter sauce on each other.”
“Let's pretend I was!” Izzy tossed away her book. “Here!” She sprung off her chair, landed next to the pizza box in front of the team, and began to scarf on the pizza without using her hands.
“My three brothers would be jealous to see you do this quicker than them,” Ripper commented.
Grabbing a pizza with her teeth, Izzy started to shake it around like a rabid animal, splattering sauce onto everybody.
“My hat!” MK exclaimed.
“My shirt!” Scott shouted.
“My pizza!” Chase cried out dramatically.
Confessional: Izzy
“I am so glad to be back,” Izzy said. “I was top of my pre-med class before the RCMP started chasing me, so this should be a snap! On the other hand, I'll tone down my impressions since it bothered Ripper the last time I was here, and he's my friend so I'll try to put his feelings into consideration.”
Confessional: Ripper
“It's amazing that Izzy is back in the game, and unlike the first time it happened, I'm around to witness it,” Ripper chimed. “She better not make us call her E-Scope though. That was really bugging me out.”
Confessionals End
The scene moved to the inside of the craft services tent, where four of the Killer Grips were studying at one of the tables. Millie and Anne Maria were on one side of the table, with Justin opposite them and Jasmine standing away from them.
Justin noticed Jasmine's unhappy expression and decided to go over and press the matter. “Is something wrong?” the eye candy asked.
Jasmine was startled by the question and regained her composure. “I'm completely fine. Nothing's bringing me down.”
“Just tell me. I don't blab about secrets,” Justin continued.
“If you must know, Brick's been spending less time with us lately,” Jasmine confessed. “Usually before the challenge, we never even see him.”
“I've noticed as well,” Justin nodded. “And this is bringing you down because?”
“Me and him have a special bond going, and it may lead into something more than that, but how are we supposed to know each other more if he's avoiding us?” Jasmine wondered.
“Brick'll probably explain what's going on to us, but don't badger him,” Justin advised. “It'll most likely cause him to lie.”
“That's a good idea. If there's one thing I do not like, it's when someone is lying to me,” Jasmine admitted.
“Interesting…” Justin mused to himself.
Confessional: Justin
“Jasmine's concern plus Brick's disappearances equals an opportunity for me to cause a little bit of turmoil between them,” Justin calculated. “That way, I could get one of them eliminated with Anne Maria and Millie's help.”
Confessional Ends
"Man, is this pizza delicious or what?" Anne Maria said as she took a bite out of the slice she was holding. "I wish Chef could cook more food like this for us every day."
Jasmine took a bite of her slice and saw Millie focused on reading rather than eating. "Are you not going to nibble at least one slice, Millie?"
Millie looked up from the book she'd been studying and blinked.
Confessional: Millie
"With the challenge that we're going to get, I have to focus on studying all the contexts of that textbook so I won't forget a single detail," Millie told the camera. "And plus, I'm not really a big fan of pizza."
Confessional Ends
A close-up of an open pizza box was shown as Justin reached in to grab one of the last remaining pieces. "If you don't want any pizza, then that means there's more for us," he said.
“Hold on. Brick hasn't had any,” Jasmine interrupted.
"Where is he anyway?" Anne Maria asked.
Brick then peeked out of the counter, and he ducked down, crawled under the table, and popped up in order to act like he just arrived. "Sorry I'm late. I had an urgent bathroom emergency," he said.
"Here's your pizza," Jasmine slid the open box to the end of the table.
Brick picked up a slice, took a bite, and smiled as he chewed it. "My cooking skills are great!"
"I'm stuffed," Anne Maria said as she stood up. "And with tomorrow being a reward challenge and all, I can just go back to my trailer. Good night!" She began to leave.
"I study better when I'm by myself. Nothing personal," Millie told the team and left the tent as well.
Confessional: Jasmine
"I could make them stay," Jasmine said in the make-up trailer, "but there's no point in doing so. Millie is already educated enough to not read the textbook, and Anne Maria is as tough as an untamed crocodile when it comes to talking with her."
Confessional Ends
The scene moved to Anne Maria and Millie as they walked through the film lot to get to their trailer.
"I thought you'd still be studying back at the tent," Anne Maria casted a suspicious look at her teammate. “Why are you following me?”
"I still want to read the textbook. I just want to do it someplace quiet," Millie replied. “What about you?”
“Like I said, I'm going to sleep,” Anne Maria said. “There's no need to give it my all if the challenge won't have an elimination.”
“You may be wrong about that. Chris is very unpredictable when it comes to episodes having eliminations or not,” Millie argued. “Did you at least read some pages of the textbook?”
“Yeah, and I don't want my head to be egg headed like yours is, brainiac,” Anne Maria claimed.
This got a glare from Millie. “Hey, just because I'm smart, doesn't mean I don't have any more depth to me,” the writer scolded.
“If all we're gonna do is argue, then let's keep to ourselves for the rest of the night,” Anne Maria rebutted.
“That's fine by me,” Millie agreed with the tanned girl.
The scene faded forward into a shot of the numbered studios the following day. The camera cut inside, showing the ten castmates lined up in a small room facing a double door, all but Millie and Anne Maria looking exhausted.
"So tired," Jasmine groaned.
"My brain has never been this full," Ripper mumbled.
"You guys should've turned in for the night like I did if you didn't wanna look like zombies," Anne Maria stated, making the others groan at her.
"Morning, competitors!" Chris said in a chipper tone as he slid in through the door. "Or should I say...DOCTORS!" He pulled out a large gun from behind his back, eliciting a gasp from the teens as he pointed it at them. He fired it at them starting with the Gaffers, and the camera focused on Izzy and Scott at the far end of the line as stethoscopes and reflector headband landed on them. Chase, MK, and Ripper were the next to get hit and MK fell to the ground after impact. Brick and Millie followed, then Anne Maria, Jasmine, and Justin.
"Ready for today's big challenge?" Chris asked them with a smile.
“We pulled an all-nighter studying for this," Scott grunted. "Why wouldn't we all be?"
"If only teenagers were as dedicated to their studies as you guys are!" Chris said with a light laugh. "Let's take it inside." He started backing into the room he'd come out of, the castmates following after him.
The camera cut to a close-up of a large compound stage light before zooming out to show the cast assembled in a large room, each team standing by a large green vat of bubbling slime, a ladder leading up to a high dive, and a sort of slanted platform with a person-shaped indent in it.
"Today's challenge is called," Chris said as the background music became low and tense, "Visiting Hours. And only one member of the winning team will get to enjoy the reward." A few drum beats played, and the camera panned over to the Grips on the left.
"Hold up," Anne Maria asked. "Why're we doing this in teams if only one of us gets to win?"
"I guess it's one for all and all for one this time," Jasmine said.
"But who gets to be the one?" Brick wondered aloud.
"Let's leave it to the one who contributes the most," Millie told them.
Confessional: Millie
"Which will likely be me," Millie added in the confessional trailer.
Confessional Ends
"So what is the reward, Chris?" Chase asked.
"You're very perceptive, Chase," Chris told him. "Let's see if that helps you and your team assemble a CADAVER!" A game show jingle played as he made the announcement.
"You're talking about a dead body, right?" Izzy asked.
"No," Chris corrected as the game show jingle played again, "I'm talking about a giant dead body!" The shot zoomed out further than it had before, revealing that the slanted platforms were attached to chains leading up to a reel in the ceiling and two strange devices on mounted either side just below.
"These tanks contain the dismembered parts of two identical cadavers," he explained over an elevator music-like tune. "Each player will climb their respective team ladder, strap on the bungee cord," the shot cut from his close-up to a bungee harness dangling in front of the Gaffers' diving board, "and jump into the tank with hopes of retrieving a body part." The camera panned down to the tank, then over to the slanted platform. "Any parts you find will be snapped in place on the platforms. Use those chains to raise them all the way to the roof," he continued as the camera followed the chain up to the strange device on either side of the gap in the ceiling as a jolt of electricity stream between them, "where they'll be reanimated by a blast of lightning!"
"First team to bring a Franken-Chris back to life wins," the host told them. "First crack goes to the team who can tell me how to treat someone with a bean stuck up their nose." He tapped his nose, and the camera panned over to the Gaffers.
MK was the first to open her mouth. "Administer two ccs of pain meds and probe the affected area with a sterile swab."
"Correctomundo!" Chris said, giving her a pair of finger pistols.
"Yes!" MK cheered.
The footage flashed forward to the AV girl on top of her team's diving board, the bungee harness already secured. She jumped off with a scream and plunged into the vat, popping back up a moment later as she was electrocuted by the electric eel she was now holding. She let the fish go at the peak of her trip back up, and grabbed on to the edge of the diving board. "What the heck was that?!" she asked in shock.
"Oh yeah," Chris said, "I forgot to mention the electric eels. Three zaps for each turn and you're out!"
With a hesitant look on her face, MK allowed herself to drop back into the vat. She emerged holding a grayish and slime-covered leg. "Got it!" she called as the camera cut to Ripper who was standing by the Gaffers' platform with his arms out to catch. He caught the limb, then turned around and fit it into place.
"Okay, next question!" Chris announced. "Your patient has an itchy red inflammation on their butt! Diagnosis?"
"Diaper rash," Brick spoke up first. "Apply salve repeatedly to achieve humectant dispersion."
"Yes!" Chris said, and Brick smiled.
The footage cut forward to him diving off the board and into the vat. He sprung back out holding an eel, and it shocked him. "Sorry!" he said before plunging back down. He came back up a second time, now holding two eels. "Sorry again!" he told them, falling once more after getting shocked. He popped out holding a hand, which he quickly tossed to his team.
"Don't let it touch my hair!" Justin fumbled with the hand a few times before tossing it over to Jasmine, who rolled her eyes and put it in the right-hand slot.
"Next question!" Chris said. "Your patient's got a white tongue, red eyes, and they're oozing gooey crud! Diagnosis?"
"If I'm not wrong, that should be Pinkus Eyeicus," Chase answered. "Treat with two rounds of floppity jibbits."
"Absolutely correct!" Chris told him. The camera zoomed in on him as he slyly added "I messed around with some of the terms in the textbook."
Chase looked down at the vat, then jumped. He fell without a sound, but when he came back up with an eel in each hand, he shrieked and got electrocuted. He plunged back down, and this time came up with another leg. "Hey, I got one this time!" he said with a smile before tossing the limb over to Scott.
Scott jumped for it, then turned around and slammed it into place.
"Smells like ear wax?" Chris asked next, rushing up to Jasmine with a grin on his face.
"Pineapple-itis," Jasmine answered before low-fiving the host.
Jasmine was shown jumping down, and sprung back up to diving board-level seconds later with three eels on her body; she screamed as she was shocked.
"Fur between the toes?" Chris asked, bending down to point at his bare feet, one of which had a tuft of brown hair growing out of it.
"Stick two horse feathers up the whizzbang!" Izzy answered when the host turned to her.
Izzy was shown dropping into the vat and coming back up with a torso and a smile on her face.
A montage of parts getting added was shown next. Millie was first, putting a leg into her team's platform. Second was Chase, slotting one of his team's arms in. Brick added a waist for the Grips, and the clips transitioned to other parts of the challenge.
"Waka-waka two-by-four!" Scott answered.
Anne Maria was shown listening to Chris's chest with her stethoscope before enthusiastically saying "Sissypants McGee!" to the host's brief approval and sudden discomfort.
Ripper was shown trying to strangle one of the eels as it shocked him, then Justin was shown being electrocuted thrice by the eels before eventually holding up a Chris head. He tossed it to Anne Maria, who was sitting on Jasmine's shoulders, and the two turned around to put the piece in – all they were missing now was the left arm and hand.
"The Grips ahead by...a head!" Chris announced, the camera cutting over to the Gaffers' platform and the five teens giving it nervous, annoyed, and uncertain looks – aside from the head, all they were missing was the right arm and hand.
"Alright Gaffers, next question!" the host said as he slid over to the other team. "Your patient's feeling tired, has spongy gums, and a bunch of spots on their thighs. Diagnosis?"
"Scurvy," Ripper said. "Treated with an increase of dietary vitamin C."
"Correct!" Chris announced excitedly.
The footage cut forward, focusing on the Gaffers' vat as Ripper dived into it. He emerged moments later with his team's hand, and threw it over to Izzy who quickly put it into place.
Confessional: Ripper
“I'm not sure if what we studied are actually real life symptoms and diagnoses, but who am I to know?” Ripper shrugged uncaringly. “I'm not one to study for this sort of stuff unless there's a million dollars on the line.”
Confessional Ends
Another skip forward showed Millie plunging into the vat and coming back out with the arm. "Alright, last piece coming your way!" she said excitedly before tossing it to her off-screen teammates.
It was Justin who caught the piece and put it into the only remaining indentation on the platform. "The Grips have their cadaver!" Chris announced in a close-up. "Time to start yanking some chain, and be quick about it 'cause the Gaffers are right behind you!"
Jasmine and Brick began to pull on their team's chain while Anne Maria moved the slanted scaffold out from under the platform and Justin and Millie watched in anticipation as the cadaver-containing platform was rising quickly.
The camera cut over to the Gaffers as Izzy dangled from the bungee harness covered in slime. “I got it! I got it!” She tossed the Chris head over to MK.
MK stopped in front of the platform and drew back her arm, tossing it up to Chase who had climbed the back of the platform in preparation. The daredevil caught it and slotted the part in, then dropped to the ground.
"Now we pull!" MK ordered as Chase joined Ripper and Scott at the chain.
"Heave!" Ripper said as the three started to pull in rhythm. "Ho! Heave!"
"The Gaffers are still in this," Chris told the camera in a close-up. "Whose cadaver will hit the roof first?" he asked with a shrug. "Make sure you come back for all the Total! Drama! Action!" he finished excitedly.
(Commercial Break)
submitted by xtremexavier15 to u/xtremexavier15 [link] [comments]
Screaming Gaffers: Chase, Izzy, MK, Ripper, Scott
Episode 8: One Flu Over the Cuckoos
"Last time, on Total Drama Action! Imprisoned in a world they didn't create. Forced to ingest deadly foods, and even to taste them twice!"
"Nonetheless, the two courageous teams clawed their way to freedom! And... a lonely Chef made a new friend."
"But prison is no place for law abiding citizens. Even athletic ones. So at the end of the day, it was goodbye, Sky, hello... Izzy?" The camera panned back to show Chris lounging in the control tent. "Yeah. Izzy. That girl is eight shades of nutty. Will she drive everyone else crazy too?"
The scene flashed to a close-up of Chris standing in front of the cast trailers, the camera pulling back with each word of the show's title. "Find out now, on Total! Drama! Action!"
(Theme Song)
The scene faded in to a shot of an owl hooting on a tree branch at night until a few sparks erupted from it and its head popped off on a spring. The camera panned down and to the left, catching the castmates as they made their way back to their trailers; the Gaffers were in front, and the Grips were in the back, though Brick was noticeably absent.
“Everything is so much smaller than I remembered!” Izzy said while looking around.
"I can't believe that you guys eliminated Sky," Chase said as the camera focused on the Gaffers. "She would have continued to help carry us to victory if she was still here."
“I remember that bush! I remember that tree!” Izzy continued to observe her surroundings until she tripped onto the floor, only to get back up. “Oh, I remember that rock! Hey rock!”
“You know,” Scott spoke up, “with Sky gone and Izzy being back, it's like we didn't lose a player.”
“That may be because the teams are still evenly matched,” MK claimed.
"Good night everybody," Millie told the contestants in a tired tone as she took the steps up to the girls' trailer. "I really need to get some rest." She grabbed the door handle and habitually moved to open it, but it didn't budge and she slammed face-first into it.
"First they lock us in," Ripper said as the camera cut over to him pulling on the door handle of the guys' trailer, "and now they're locking us out!" He grunted as he kept trying to open it, but he failed to move it at all.
"Wait, wait," Izzy said from off-screen, "let me try it!" Ripper quickly stepped aside just as Izzy rammed the door and bounced off of it without making a dent.
A loud siren started up as tense music began to play in the background.
“Cops!!!” Izzy panicked soon after getting up and ducked out of the way.
Seconds later, an ambulance drove past, stopping in front of them just long enough for the back doors to open and a covered stretcher to fall out. Siren still blaring, the ambulance drove off and the castmates hesitantly approached its former cargo.
"What is that? A dead body?" Anne Maria asked nervously.
"Or an undead body," Ripper guessed.
Whatever was on the stretcher sat up, and the cover fell away to reveal Chris McLean lying on a colorful stack of books. The castmates gasped and murmured at the dazed-looking host. "...Boo!" the handsome man said suddenly, earning a blank look from MK.
The host then cleared his throat. "Calm yourselves. No one's dead yet," he said with a smile, holding up one of the books. "I'm here to prep you plucky ducks for our most awesome challenge yet! These textbooks hold the sum total of eight years of med school, and each one of you gets one," he explained before tossing the book in his hand to Anne Maria who raised an eyebrow once she caught it, "cause tomorrow, we're gonna play Doctor!" A few deep and tense notes played as Anne Maria rolled her eyes.
Confessional: Anne Maria
"I don't have anything against doctors," Anne Maria confessed. "It is their job to put scalpers and needles onto people, and give advice like “Don't break your leg because you were out late skateboarding,” but playing doctor isn't really in my wheelhouse.”
Confessional: Brick
"If I wanted to, I could be a doctor," Brick explained to the camera. "I've been to the doctor's office countless times because of my many injuries, like a twisted wrist, a joint thumb, bruised ribs, or even my leg getting bit by a dog." He shuddered. “Don't ask. But the military is my top priority.”
Confessionals End
"To win this challenge," Chris said as the footage cut back to him and the castmates, each of whom now held a textbook, "you're gonna want to memorize the entire contents of these textbooks. By morning."
"But it's already late," Millie protested.
"You got that right," Chris answered as a golf cart drove up with a giant pizza slice on the roof and a large stack of pizza boxes in the back. The driver was Chef, who had a pizza delivery hat on. As soon as the cart stopped, Chef got out and carried the comically large stack of pizzas over to Chase. "What med school all-nighter would be complete without pizza?" Chris asked.
Chase was shown dropping his textbook as he accepted the stack in awe, and a harp played in the background as he and Izzy gave it a sniff. He let out an approving sigh as Izzy smiled happily. "Pizza," the daredevil said.
"This has to be a trick," Millie said.
"More like method acting," Chris told them as he walked over to the golf cart and hopped onto the back. "Med school interns consume 850% more pizza than the average human. So, dig in! Cause there's plenty more where that came from!" The cart sputtered away, leaving the castmates by themselves.
Jasmine opened the top box and took out a slice. "Looks okay, smells okay," she said before finally taking a bite. "Tastes...great!"
"How is that even possible?" Anne Maria asked.
The scene flashed over to an unfinished pizza getting tossed into the air, the camera following it as it fell into Brick's hands. The table he was standing at already had four other pizzas on it, and they looked to be complete.
The camera panned right over to Chef with four cooked pizzas at his table as he held a can of parmesan. "Keep 'em comin'," Chef ordered. "I'll add the final cheesy touch," he said deviously while sprinkling the can on one of the pizzas.
"I'm pretty sure my team is going to question where I am," Brick complained.
"Not as long as they're eating, they won't!" Chef got up in Brick's face. "So hush up and spin that dough. Spin like the wind." As Chef went back to his station, the camera zoomed in on Brick's worried face.
The scene flashed to the five Gaffers sitting in chairs by a fire in front of the cast trailers, eating pizza and reading textbooks. The camera focused in on Izzy and Ripper, who were in the two leftmost seats.
"Y'know," Ripper said, "one time me and my brothers ordered ten boxes of pizza in order to see who can eat the most without using their hands." He chuckled. “You should've been there watching us splatter sauce on each other.”
“Let's pretend I was!” Izzy tossed away her book. “Here!” She sprung off her chair, landed next to the pizza box in front of the team, and began to scarf on the pizza without using her hands.
“My three brothers would be jealous to see you do this quicker than them,” Ripper commented.
Grabbing a pizza with her teeth, Izzy started to shake it around like a rabid animal, splattering sauce onto everybody.
“My hat!” MK exclaimed.
“My shirt!” Scott shouted.
“My pizza!” Chase cried out dramatically.
Confessional: Izzy
“I am so glad to be back,” Izzy said. “I was top of my pre-med class before the RCMP started chasing me, so this should be a snap! On the other hand, I'll tone down my impressions since it bothered Ripper the last time I was here, and he's my friend so I'll try to put his feelings into consideration.”
Confessional: Ripper
“It's amazing that Izzy is back in the game, and unlike the first time it happened, I'm around to witness it,” Ripper chimed. “She better not make us call her E-Scope though. That was really bugging me out.”
Confessionals End
The scene moved to the inside of the craft services tent, where four of the Killer Grips were studying at one of the tables. Millie and Anne Maria were on one side of the table, with Justin opposite them and Jasmine standing away from them.
Justin noticed Jasmine's unhappy expression and decided to go over and press the matter. “Is something wrong?” the eye candy asked.
Jasmine was startled by the question and regained her composure. “I'm completely fine. Nothing's bringing me down.”
“Just tell me. I don't blab about secrets,” Justin continued.
“If you must know, Brick's been spending less time with us lately,” Jasmine confessed. “Usually before the challenge, we never even see him.”
“I've noticed as well,” Justin nodded. “And this is bringing you down because?”
“Me and him have a special bond going, and it may lead into something more than that, but how are we supposed to know each other more if he's avoiding us?” Jasmine wondered.
“Brick'll probably explain what's going on to us, but don't badger him,” Justin advised. “It'll most likely cause him to lie.”
“That's a good idea. If there's one thing I do not like, it's when someone is lying to me,” Jasmine admitted.
“Interesting…” Justin mused to himself.
Confessional: Justin
“Jasmine's concern plus Brick's disappearances equals an opportunity for me to cause a little bit of turmoil between them,” Justin calculated. “That way, I could get one of them eliminated with Anne Maria and Millie's help.”
Confessional Ends
"Man, is this pizza delicious or what?" Anne Maria said as she took a bite out of the slice she was holding. "I wish Chef could cook more food like this for us every day."
Jasmine took a bite of her slice and saw Millie focused on reading rather than eating. "Are you not going to nibble at least one slice, Millie?"
Millie looked up from the book she'd been studying and blinked.
Confessional: Millie
"With the challenge that we're going to get, I have to focus on studying all the contexts of that textbook so I won't forget a single detail," Millie told the camera. "And plus, I'm not really a big fan of pizza."
Confessional Ends
A close-up of an open pizza box was shown as Justin reached in to grab one of the last remaining pieces. "If you don't want any pizza, then that means there's more for us," he said.
“Hold on. Brick hasn't had any,” Jasmine interrupted.
"Where is he anyway?" Anne Maria asked.
Brick then peeked out of the counter, and he ducked down, crawled under the table, and popped up in order to act like he just arrived. "Sorry I'm late. I had an urgent bathroom emergency," he said.
"Here's your pizza," Jasmine slid the open box to the end of the table.
Brick picked up a slice, took a bite, and smiled as he chewed it. "My cooking skills are great!"
"I'm stuffed," Anne Maria said as she stood up. "And with tomorrow being a reward challenge and all, I can just go back to my trailer. Good night!" She began to leave.
"I study better when I'm by myself. Nothing personal," Millie told the team and left the tent as well.
Confessional: Jasmine
"I could make them stay," Jasmine said in the make-up trailer, "but there's no point in doing so. Millie is already educated enough to not read the textbook, and Anne Maria is as tough as an untamed crocodile when it comes to talking with her."
Confessional Ends
The scene moved to Anne Maria and Millie as they walked through the film lot to get to their trailer.
"I thought you'd still be studying back at the tent," Anne Maria casted a suspicious look at her teammate. “Why are you following me?”
"I still want to read the textbook. I just want to do it someplace quiet," Millie replied. “What about you?”
“Like I said, I'm going to sleep,” Anne Maria said. “There's no need to give it my all if the challenge won't have an elimination.”
“You may be wrong about that. Chris is very unpredictable when it comes to episodes having eliminations or not,” Millie argued. “Did you at least read some pages of the textbook?”
“Yeah, and I don't want my head to be egg headed like yours is, brainiac,” Anne Maria claimed.
This got a glare from Millie. “Hey, just because I'm smart, doesn't mean I don't have any more depth to me,” the writer scolded.
“If all we're gonna do is argue, then let's keep to ourselves for the rest of the night,” Anne Maria rebutted.
“That's fine by me,” Millie agreed with the tanned girl.
The scene faded forward into a shot of the numbered studios the following day. The camera cut inside, showing the ten castmates lined up in a small room facing a double door, all but Millie and Anne Maria looking exhausted.
"So tired," Jasmine groaned.
"My brain has never been this full," Ripper mumbled.
"You guys should've turned in for the night like I did if you didn't wanna look like zombies," Anne Maria stated, making the others groan at her.
"Morning, competitors!" Chris said in a chipper tone as he slid in through the door. "Or should I say...DOCTORS!" He pulled out a large gun from behind his back, eliciting a gasp from the teens as he pointed it at them. He fired it at them starting with the Gaffers, and the camera focused on Izzy and Scott at the far end of the line as stethoscopes and reflector headband landed on them. Chase, MK, and Ripper were the next to get hit and MK fell to the ground after impact. Brick and Millie followed, then Anne Maria, Jasmine, and Justin.
"Ready for today's big challenge?" Chris asked them with a smile.
“We pulled an all-nighter studying for this," Scott grunted. "Why wouldn't we all be?"
"If only teenagers were as dedicated to their studies as you guys are!" Chris said with a light laugh. "Let's take it inside." He started backing into the room he'd come out of, the castmates following after him.
The camera cut to a close-up of a large compound stage light before zooming out to show the cast assembled in a large room, each team standing by a large green vat of bubbling slime, a ladder leading up to a high dive, and a sort of slanted platform with a person-shaped indent in it.
"Today's challenge is called," Chris said as the background music became low and tense, "Visiting Hours. And only one member of the winning team will get to enjoy the reward." A few drum beats played, and the camera panned over to the Grips on the left.
"Hold up," Anne Maria asked. "Why're we doing this in teams if only one of us gets to win?"
"I guess it's one for all and all for one this time," Jasmine said.
"But who gets to be the one?" Brick wondered aloud.
"Let's leave it to the one who contributes the most," Millie told them.
Confessional: Millie
"Which will likely be me," Millie added in the confessional trailer.
Confessional Ends
"So what is the reward, Chris?" Chase asked.
"You're very perceptive, Chase," Chris told him. "Let's see if that helps you and your team assemble a CADAVER!" A game show jingle played as he made the announcement.
"You're talking about a dead body, right?" Izzy asked.
"No," Chris corrected as the game show jingle played again, "I'm talking about a giant dead body!" The shot zoomed out further than it had before, revealing that the slanted platforms were attached to chains leading up to a reel in the ceiling and two strange devices on mounted either side just below.
"These tanks contain the dismembered parts of two identical cadavers," he explained over an elevator music-like tune. "Each player will climb their respective team ladder, strap on the bungee cord," the shot cut from his close-up to a bungee harness dangling in front of the Gaffers' diving board, "and jump into the tank with hopes of retrieving a body part." The camera panned down to the tank, then over to the slanted platform. "Any parts you find will be snapped in place on the platforms. Use those chains to raise them all the way to the roof," he continued as the camera followed the chain up to the strange device on either side of the gap in the ceiling as a jolt of electricity stream between them, "where they'll be reanimated by a blast of lightning!"
"First team to bring a Franken-Chris back to life wins," the host told them. "First crack goes to the team who can tell me how to treat someone with a bean stuck up their nose." He tapped his nose, and the camera panned over to the Gaffers.
MK was the first to open her mouth. "Administer two ccs of pain meds and probe the affected area with a sterile swab."
"Correctomundo!" Chris said, giving her a pair of finger pistols.
"Yes!" MK cheered.
The footage flashed forward to the AV girl on top of her team's diving board, the bungee harness already secured. She jumped off with a scream and plunged into the vat, popping back up a moment later as she was electrocuted by the electric eel she was now holding. She let the fish go at the peak of her trip back up, and grabbed on to the edge of the diving board. "What the heck was that?!" she asked in shock.
"Oh yeah," Chris said, "I forgot to mention the electric eels. Three zaps for each turn and you're out!"
With a hesitant look on her face, MK allowed herself to drop back into the vat. She emerged holding a grayish and slime-covered leg. "Got it!" she called as the camera cut to Ripper who was standing by the Gaffers' platform with his arms out to catch. He caught the limb, then turned around and fit it into place.
"Okay, next question!" Chris announced. "Your patient has an itchy red inflammation on their butt! Diagnosis?"
"Diaper rash," Brick spoke up first. "Apply salve repeatedly to achieve humectant dispersion."
"Yes!" Chris said, and Brick smiled.
The footage cut forward to him diving off the board and into the vat. He sprung back out holding an eel, and it shocked him. "Sorry!" he said before plunging back down. He came back up a second time, now holding two eels. "Sorry again!" he told them, falling once more after getting shocked. He popped out holding a hand, which he quickly tossed to his team.
"Don't let it touch my hair!" Justin fumbled with the hand a few times before tossing it over to Jasmine, who rolled her eyes and put it in the right-hand slot.
"Next question!" Chris said. "Your patient's got a white tongue, red eyes, and they're oozing gooey crud! Diagnosis?"
"If I'm not wrong, that should be Pinkus Eyeicus," Chase answered. "Treat with two rounds of floppity jibbits."
"Absolutely correct!" Chris told him. The camera zoomed in on him as he slyly added "I messed around with some of the terms in the textbook."
Chase looked down at the vat, then jumped. He fell without a sound, but when he came back up with an eel in each hand, he shrieked and got electrocuted. He plunged back down, and this time came up with another leg. "Hey, I got one this time!" he said with a smile before tossing the limb over to Scott.
Scott jumped for it, then turned around and slammed it into place.
"Smells like ear wax?" Chris asked next, rushing up to Jasmine with a grin on his face.
"Pineapple-itis," Jasmine answered before low-fiving the host.
Jasmine was shown jumping down, and sprung back up to diving board-level seconds later with three eels on her body; she screamed as she was shocked.
"Fur between the toes?" Chris asked, bending down to point at his bare feet, one of which had a tuft of brown hair growing out of it.
"Stick two horse feathers up the whizzbang!" Izzy answered when the host turned to her.
Izzy was shown dropping into the vat and coming back up with a torso and a smile on her face.
A montage of parts getting added was shown next. Millie was first, putting a leg into her team's platform. Second was Chase, slotting one of his team's arms in. Brick added a waist for the Grips, and the clips transitioned to other parts of the challenge.
"Waka-waka two-by-four!" Scott answered.
Anne Maria was shown listening to Chris's chest with her stethoscope before enthusiastically saying "Sissypants McGee!" to the host's brief approval and sudden discomfort.
Ripper was shown trying to strangle one of the eels as it shocked him, then Justin was shown being electrocuted thrice by the eels before eventually holding up a Chris head. He tossed it to Anne Maria, who was sitting on Jasmine's shoulders, and the two turned around to put the piece in – all they were missing now was the left arm and hand.
"The Grips ahead by...a head!" Chris announced, the camera cutting over to the Gaffers' platform and the five teens giving it nervous, annoyed, and uncertain looks – aside from the head, all they were missing was the right arm and hand.
"Alright Gaffers, next question!" the host said as he slid over to the other team. "Your patient's feeling tired, has spongy gums, and a bunch of spots on their thighs. Diagnosis?"
"Scurvy," Ripper said. "Treated with an increase of dietary vitamin C."
"Correct!" Chris announced excitedly.
The footage cut forward, focusing on the Gaffers' vat as Ripper dived into it. He emerged moments later with his team's hand, and threw it over to Izzy who quickly put it into place.
Confessional: Ripper
“I'm not sure if what we studied are actually real life symptoms and diagnoses, but who am I to know?” Ripper shrugged uncaringly. “I'm not one to study for this sort of stuff unless there's a million dollars on the line.”
Confessional Ends
Another skip forward showed Millie plunging into the vat and coming back out with the arm. "Alright, last piece coming your way!" she said excitedly before tossing it to her off-screen teammates.
It was Justin who caught the piece and put it into the only remaining indentation on the platform. "The Grips have their cadaver!" Chris announced in a close-up. "Time to start yanking some chain, and be quick about it 'cause the Gaffers are right behind you!"
Jasmine and Brick began to pull on their team's chain while Anne Maria moved the slanted scaffold out from under the platform and Justin and Millie watched in anticipation as the cadaver-containing platform was rising quickly.
The camera cut over to the Gaffers as Izzy dangled from the bungee harness covered in slime. “I got it! I got it!” She tossed the Chris head over to MK.
MK stopped in front of the platform and drew back her arm, tossing it up to Chase who had climbed the back of the platform in preparation. The daredevil caught it and slotted the part in, then dropped to the ground.
"Now we pull!" MK ordered as Chase joined Ripper and Scott at the chain.
"Heave!" Ripper said as the three started to pull in rhythm. "Ho! Heave!"
"The Gaffers are still in this," Chris told the camera in a close-up. "Whose cadaver will hit the roof first?" he asked with a shrug. "Make sure you come back for all the Total! Drama! Action!" he finished excitedly.
(Commercial Break)
2024.05.17 00:37 Stomachbuzz What do I do with this shed? Tear down, or refurb?
Got this fixer-upper shed with my fixer-upper house. Old geezer before me loved his sheds. This is 1 of 4 remaining that I didn't tear down. This was the nicest (read: least rotten) of the bunch. Overall, the shed is huge at 12x21' and very nice quality but needs a comprehensive overhaul.
Pictures here
It is fully intact, but showing its age, getting weathered, and I need to make a decision to tear it down or fix it up. The exterior is T1-11 that is starting to curl and become discolored around the edges. All of the trim around the exterior perimeter is rotting. It needs a full roof replacement. You peel up the bottom line of shingles up and see heavy deterioration.
Inside, it looks quite well done. Heavy attention to detail (despite the 1 million outlets). It has plywood on the floors and walls. It's even insulated between plywood inner and T1-11 outer. There are some dark spots from mild water intrusion, only getting worse.
When I look at how well made it is, I get some grandiose ideas of fixing it up, painting it white, running an electric line out to it, putting an exhaust fan in, etc. "Wow! How great this could be! I could even do the work myself and learn roofing."
But then I come back down to Earth, reminded of my procrastinator nature, and realize it's going to be $5-10k to hire someone, or take weeks to finish it myself.
I am quite handy, and could do the work, but a lot of it would be me 'figuring it out' as I go along. Maybe I could tear the roof off and replace it over a long weekend?
I ask contractors' opinions of the shed when they give me quotes. The vote is leaning toward just tearing it down. They point to the weird foundation. They say "it's nice to have the storage, but an eyesore as is, and, even if you fixed it up, doesn't really add any value to the house when you sell it. So what's the point?"
I'm a bit caught. On one hand, I wouldn't be surprised if this sort of shed would cost ~$20-25k to build from scratch. On the other, it's probably ~$10k to hire someone to refurb it, or $2k in materials on my own. And then what do I get? A white shed in an awkward location? I also still have other in-house projects that take priority, so cannot justify throwing $10k at the shed any time soon, even if I wanted to.
I use it to store my lawn tools and would prefer not to put everything in the garage, but I know I can't just continue to do nothing here.
What say you?
submitted by Stomachbuzz to HomeImprovement [link] [comments]
Pictures here
It is fully intact, but showing its age, getting weathered, and I need to make a decision to tear it down or fix it up. The exterior is T1-11 that is starting to curl and become discolored around the edges. All of the trim around the exterior perimeter is rotting. It needs a full roof replacement. You peel up the bottom line of shingles up and see heavy deterioration.
Inside, it looks quite well done. Heavy attention to detail (despite the 1 million outlets). It has plywood on the floors and walls. It's even insulated between plywood inner and T1-11 outer. There are some dark spots from mild water intrusion, only getting worse.
When I look at how well made it is, I get some grandiose ideas of fixing it up, painting it white, running an electric line out to it, putting an exhaust fan in, etc. "Wow! How great this could be! I could even do the work myself and learn roofing."
But then I come back down to Earth, reminded of my procrastinator nature, and realize it's going to be $5-10k to hire someone, or take weeks to finish it myself.
I am quite handy, and could do the work, but a lot of it would be me 'figuring it out' as I go along. Maybe I could tear the roof off and replace it over a long weekend?
I ask contractors' opinions of the shed when they give me quotes. The vote is leaning toward just tearing it down. They point to the weird foundation. They say "it's nice to have the storage, but an eyesore as is, and, even if you fixed it up, doesn't really add any value to the house when you sell it. So what's the point?"
I'm a bit caught. On one hand, I wouldn't be surprised if this sort of shed would cost ~$20-25k to build from scratch. On the other, it's probably ~$10k to hire someone to refurb it, or $2k in materials on my own. And then what do I get? A white shed in an awkward location? I also still have other in-house projects that take priority, so cannot justify throwing $10k at the shed any time soon, even if I wanted to.
I use it to store my lawn tools and would prefer not to put everything in the garage, but I know I can't just continue to do nothing here.
What say you?
2024.05.15 23:05 LinkLost380 Possible Matty References in Reputation
I’m so glad this sub exists because I’ve been annoying everyone in my life with my theories about these two … I figured this would be the right place to post my speculation/lyric breakdowns of songs that they may have written about each other, split into different posts for albums for ease of reading.
Starting with Reputation (2017) – I imagine the failed relationship with Matty was still fresh for Taylor during the writing/recording of this album. Her reference to her “longings locked in lowercase inside a vault” definitely made me look back at Rep in a way I hadn’t before (and I do think we’ll see some Matty-coded vault tracks on TV”. That said I don’t want to erase her other relationships, especially with Joe, so I’ll make notes of where I think I’m either stretching for a Matty connection or I think there are multiple muses.
Special mention to “Getaway Car” which feels like another (fictionalized?) response to Robbers but the story she tells is very similar to her fling with Tom, especially given the third man in the song. I usually claim it for the maylors anyway bc who cares about Tom. Let me know what you think.
“...Ready For It?”
Knew he was a killer first time that I saw him / Wonder how many girls he had loved and left haunted / But if he's a ghost, then I can be a phantom
I can't ignore the connections here to two other songs thought to be written about M - Ghost (2014) and Haunted (2015) by Halsey (I won't bother going into the HalseyMatty lore here but I could in another post...)
"You're a Rolling Stone boy, never-sleep-alone boy / Got a million numbers and they're filling up your phone, boy" (Ghost) "I'm begging you to keep on haunting me" (Haunted) "My ghost / Where'd you go? / I can't find you in the body sleeping next to me" (Ghost)
I can be a phantom holdin' him for ransom / Knew I was a robber first time that he saw me / Stealing hearts and running off and never saying sorry / But if I'm a thief, then he can join the heist / And he can be my jailer
Robbers is one of The 1975’s most famous songs. In the music video two lovers stick up a convenience store - definitely worth a watch if you haven't seen it. In 2014 M dedicated the song to T in Dallas in November 2017 (a week after she attended the concert in LA) here and here
Burton to this Taylor
One of my favorite references that I think reveals a lot about the messy but irresistible relationship M and T seem to have. Here's a link to a great article about the wild love affair between Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton.
Every love I've known in comparison is a failure / I forget their names now, I'm so very tame now / Never be the same now
This sentiment is repeated throughout many of the songs I believe are about M. The idea of a life altering love is obviously prevalent across TTPD but also in folklore, evermore, and Midnights. ex. "I'm never gonna love again" (cowboy like me), "I don't remember who I was before you painted all my nights a color I have searched for since" (Question...?), "I felt aglow like this / Never before and never since" (loml)
Also want to mention This Must Be My Dream from 2016, which M has said is about an older gf but may fit: "Let me tell you 'bout this girl / I thought she'd rearrange my world"
No one has to know / In the middle of the night, in my dreams / You should see the things we do, baby
See Guilty as Sin? lol
Baby, let the games begin
Taylor in an interview with Glamour in February 2014:
TS: [Nods. Pauses.] I think everyone should approach relationships from the perspective of playing it straight and giving someone the benefit of the doubt. Until he establishes that this is a game. And if it's a game, you need to win. The best thing to do is just walk away from the table.
CL: Is that winning?
TS: It is when they come back. [Laughs.] And if they don't, then they didn't care enough to begin with.
conclusion: I believe ...Ready For It? is a response to Robbers and reveals M and T's similar romanticism (sometimes toxic but so addicting). The mirrored stylization of ...Ready For It? and Question...? makes me think the latter is a continuation of the former. The mentions of “island breeze” and “we’ll move to an island” have made people believe this song is about Tom Hiddleston but other lyrics, namely “younger than my exes” pretty clearly contradicts that.
"End Game"
I wanna be your end game / I wanna be your first string /I wanna be your A-Team
Funny reading this after The Alchemy and So High School.
Big reputation, big reputation / Ooh, you and me, we got big reputations / And you heard about me / Ooh, you and me would be a big conversation
And they were! Especially because T hadn't been really linked to anyone after Harry, the speculation about her and M came hard and fast. M especially was inundated with questions in the months after the LA and NYC shows.
And I heard about you / You like the bad ones, too
Another possible reference to a Halsey song, this time Hurricane from 2014: "He says, "Oh, baby, beggin' you to save me / Well, lately I like 'em crazy/ Oh, maybe, you could devastate me"
I don't wanna touch you, I don't wanna be / Just another ex-love you don't wanna see / I don't wanna miss you / Like the other girls do
Very reminiscent of The 1975's song Somebody Else, released in 2016, speculated to be about T: "I don't want your body / But I hate to think about you with somebody else"
I hit you like bang, we tried to forget it, but we just couldn't
"Flashbacks waking me up / I get drunk, but it's not enough" (Death By A Thousand Cuts)
And I bury hatchets, but I keep maps of where I put 'em
"I circled you on a map / I haven't come around in so long" (The Alchemy)
Reputation precedes me, they told you I'm crazy
"And they tried to warn you about me" (The Albatross)
And I can't let you go, your hand prints on my soul
"Marked me like a bloodstain" (Cardigan)
It's like your eyes are liquor, it's like your body is gold
So many of the songs speculated to be about M reference his eyes but the most relevant (not the starry eyed motif which we'll get to in the future) are: "Eyes like sinking ships on waters / So inviting I almost jump in" (gold rush) and "But your eyes are flying saucers from another planet / Now I'm all for you like Janet" (Snow On The Beach)
"Deep blue, but you painted me golden" (Dancing With Our Hands Tied)
You've been calling my bluff on all my usual tricks / So here's the truth from my red lips
From the same Glamour article, Taylor talking about her 'trick' when dating:
CL: What's the freeze-out?
TS: You don't respond to any of his texts or calls until he does something desperate [like] shows up. Or he calls and leaves a voice mail. Something that makes it very clear to you that he's interested.
disclaimer: I am someone who thinks the Tom relationship was not that serious for T, so this song imo fits what she may have told us about her relationship with M more, though the beach reference does point to Tom in a way.
"Don't Blame Me"
I've been breaking hearts a long time / And toying with them older guys / Just playthings for me to use
See the quotes from the Glamour article above. "Younger than my exes, but he act like such a man, so" (...Ready For It?)
Something happened for the first time / In the darkest little paradise
May refer to the dark concert venue where they met for the first time (see So It Goes... for more)
For you / I would cross the line / I would waste my time / I would lose my mind / They say, "She's gone too far this time."
Sentiment that is repeated throughout TTPD, but most clearly in But Daddy I Love Him
My name is whatever you decide / And I'm just gonna call you mine
Though this could be a stretch, in the spotify storyline for The 1975's Oh Caroline (2022), speculated to be about T, M said "It's an invented character, where the cadence really mattered. It couldn't be "Oh Linda" or "Oh Jane" [or "Oh Taylor"] - you had to have a 3 syllable that really works. I knew what the song was about, I had felt that about someone before and I got to write an episodic, mini movie about the subject"
disclaimer: If about M, this song is very on the nose with the drug references. Generally it's a very vague song and could easily be about Joe or another ex.
"So It Goes..."
See you in the dark / All eyes on you, my magician / All eyes on us / You make everyone disappear
Likely refers to the first time T saw M in person, when she was front row at The 1975's LA show. All eyes were on M then (including T's)
"Once upon a time, the planets and the fates / And all the stars aligned / You and I ended up in the same room / At the same time" (Mastermind)
Tripping, tripping when you're gone
May relate to Don't Blame Me: "Trip of my life / every time you're touching me"
'Cause we breakdown a little / But when you get me alone, it's so simple
Maybe a stretch but M famously had a breakdown on stage in Boston on December 6, 2014. In an interview with the Guardian he said: “There was girl stuff. There was family stuff. There was financial stuff. There was drug stuff. I remember hearing the crowd and having an identity crisis. I thought: ‘If you want to see a show, I’ll give you a fucking show. If you’ve come to see the jester drink himself into a slumber, I’ll give it to you.’ I felt like I’d become an idea as opposed to being a person.”
“And I was 25 and afraid to go outside” (Give Yourself a Try)
And all the pieces fall / Right into place
"I laid the groundwork and then, just like clockwork / The dominoes cascaded in a line" (Mastermind)
Getting caught up in a moment / Lipstick on your face
"I said, "Don't fall in love with the moment" / She said I've got a lot to learn / Don't fall in love with the moment /And think you're in love with the girl" (She's American)
Come here, dressed in black now
"Yeah, we're dressed in black from head to toe" (Chocolate). Taylor was also wearing all black the night of the LA show.
conclusion: You did a number on me / But, honestly, baby, who's counting? / I did a number on you / But, honestly, baby, who's counting? ( "King of My Heart"
We met a few weeks ago / Now you try on callin' me "baby" like tryin' on clothes
The reason why I don't necessarily think Joe fits. They met at the Met Gala in 2017 and she very quickly started seeing Tom, obviously it could still be him but I wanted to note this.
"Don't call me 'kid,' don't call me 'baby' / Look at this idiotic fool that you made me" (illicit affairs)
And you move to me like I'm a Motown beat
M loves Motown, even sampling a track by The Temptations on Tonight (I Wish I Was Your Boy). He's also always loved dancing, which you can see in the videos for A Change of Heart and Oh Caroline.
Salute to me I'm your American Queen / Say you fancy me, not fancy stuff
He's English, obviously.
And we rule the kingdom inside my room / With all these nights we're spending / Up on the roof with a school girl crush
Totally speculation but M and T hiding out in her NYC home makes a lot of sense from other pieces she has shared about the relationship “My kingdom come undone” (Hoax)
Late in the night, the city's asleep / Your love is a secret I'm hoping, dreaming, dying to keep
Speculation again but fits with the story of M and T as mostly loving each other in secret (see Dancing With Our Hands Tied and Dress)
Is this the end of all the endings? / My broken bones are mending
As mentioned above, T had seemingly taken a break from dating after the breakup with Harry.
disclaimer: Definitely not 100% sure on this one as there is convincing evidence that it is about J
"Dancing With Our Hands Tied"
I, I loved you in secret / First sight, yeah, we love without reason / Oh, 25 years old
M and T were both born in 1989, M was 25 when they first met and dated and T was turning 25.
My, my love had been frozen / People started talking, putting us through our paces / I knew there was no one in the world who could take it / I loved you in spite of / Deep fears that the world would divide us
“A red rose grew up out of ice frozen ground / With no one around to tweet it” (The Lakes)
In an interview with the Guardian Matty said: “The day after she’d been to a show of ours, someone sent me a screenshot of E! News with the headline ‘Who is Matt Healy?’ That freaked me out. I’m not ready to indulge in that world and I’m not ready to be judged by that world.” So sad to read knowing that they dealt with a similar situation nearly a decade later.
Picture of your face in an invisible locket
“Wear you like a necklace” (So It Goes…)
And darling, you had turned my bed into a sacred oasis
“Now you hang from my lips / Like the Gardens of Babylon / With your boots beneath my bed” (cowboy like me)
I'd kiss you as the lights went out / Swaying as the room burned down / I'd hold you as the water rushes in / If I could dance with you again
Reminds me so much of the music video for cardigan, where T slips into a rough ocean and hangs on to a piano. Also from cardigan: “Leaving like a father / Running like water”
“Dress”
Our secret moments in a crowded room / They got no idea about me and you
"Did you ever have someone kiss you in a crowded room / And every single one of your friends was / Making fun of you" (Question...?)
There is an indentation in the shape of you / Made your mark on me, a golden tattoo
M seemingly makes a lasting impression: “Deep blue, but you painted me golden” (Dancing With Our Hands Tied) “The mark they saw on my collarbone” (Maroon) “Marked me like a bloodstain” (cardigan)
'Cause I don't want you like a best friend
T often seems to refer to a friendship with M, perhaps they tried it a few times: “We were supposed to be just friends” (Glitch) “Like you were my closest friend” (Maroon) “Just say when, I'd play again / He was my best friend / Down at the sandlot” (My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys)
And if I get burned, at least we were electrified
“I'd kiss you as the lights went out / Swaying as the room burned down” (Dancing With Our Hands Tied)
I'm spilling wine in the bathtub / You kiss my face and we're both drunk
Many of the possible M songs refer to M and T’s love of wine. “And I can see us twisted in bedsheets / August slipped away like a bottle of wine” (august) “The burgundy on my T-shirt when you splashed your wine into me / And how the blood rushed into my cheeks, so scarlet, it was (maroon)” (Maroon)
disclaimer - Obviously most likely about Joe given the reference to the 2017 Met Gala but I think it was worth a mention!
“Call It What You Want”
My baby's fly like a jet stream / High above the whole scene
Probably a double-entendre. M considers himself slightly on the outside of the ‘scene’ but this can come across as self assurance. This also could refer to literally being high on drugs
Loves me like I'm brand new
After T’s clever use of The Starting Line in TTPD I’m convinced she’s referring to the band Brand New. M posted a Brand New album on his ig story in 2020.
All my flowers grew back as thorns
An interesting contrast to “I once was poison ivy, but now I'm your daisy” from Don’t Blame Me
Windows boarded up after the storm
“I look through the windows of this love / Even though we boarded them up” (Death By A Thousand Cuts)
I'm laughing with my lover
“Laughing with my feet in your lap” (Maroon) “Please don't ever become a stranger / Whose laugh I could recognize anywhere” (New Year’s Day)
Making forts under covers
Matty famously built a fort in ATPOAIM 3. “I'll build you a fort on some planet / Where they can all understand it” (Down Bad)
Trust him like a brother
“Like I lost my twin” (Down Bad)
Starry eyes sparking up my darkest night
So many starry eyed references which is terribly romantic and terribly sad. “Do I really have to chart the constellations in his eyes?” (High Infidelity), “Your opal eyes are all I wish to see” (ivy), “Eyes full of stars” (cowboy like me), and “Gazing at me starry-eyed” (The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived)
I want to wear his initial on a chain 'round my neck
“Picture of your face in an invisible locket” (Dancing With Our Hands Tied) “Wear you like a necklace” (So It Goes…)
I recall late November, holding my breath
Late November fits perfectly into the timeline of M and T’s 2014 relationship. Late October to Late DecembeEarly January makes the most sense.
Slowly I said, "You don't need to save me / But would you run away with me?"
“You're mad thinking you could ever save me. Not looking like that.” (A Change of Heart)
disclaimer: Again lots of Joe references in this as well so take this with a grain of salt.
“New Year’s Day”
You and me from the night before, but / Don't read the last page
From Me and You Together Song (2020): “I think the story needs more pages, yes.” The reference to “the last page” also makes this song feel like more of a reminiscence than a song about a current lover.
I want your midnights / But I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day
Impossible not to reread these lyrics after Midnights was released as a nod to M: “When the morning came we / Were cleaning incense off your / Vinyl shelf ‘cause we lost track of time again” (Maroon)
You squeeze my hand three times in the back of the taxi / I can tell that it's gonna be a long road / I'll be there if you're the toast of the town, babe / Or if you strike out and you're crawling home
Especially after the release of TTPD it seems that both T and M made many promises to each other that they couldn’t keep
Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you / Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you / Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you / And I will hold on to you
The reference to memories here creates a bit of a confusing feeling about the muse for this song. Although T seems to be talking in the present tense I do think these are memories and dreams for a past relationship.
“Hold on and hope that we'll find our way back in the end / Do you think I have forgotten? / Do you think I have forgotten? / Do you think I have forgotten / About you?” (About You)
Please don't ever become a stranger / Whose laugh I could recognize anywhere / Please don't ever become a stranger / Whose laugh I could recognize anywhere
Not much to say about this but ow!
You and me forevermore
Again reminds me of Me and You Together Song (which I do buy as a song at least partially about T). And of course links to Evermore.
disclaimer: This could absolutely be about Joe but it does feel almost like a goodbye to M, closing the album. It’s as if she is reading “the last page”
Congrats if you read this lol. I clearly have too much time on my hands
submitted by LinkLost380 to taylorandmatty [link] [comments]
Starting with Reputation (2017) – I imagine the failed relationship with Matty was still fresh for Taylor during the writing/recording of this album. Her reference to her “longings locked in lowercase inside a vault” definitely made me look back at Rep in a way I hadn’t before (and I do think we’ll see some Matty-coded vault tracks on TV”. That said I don’t want to erase her other relationships, especially with Joe, so I’ll make notes of where I think I’m either stretching for a Matty connection or I think there are multiple muses.
Special mention to “Getaway Car” which feels like another (fictionalized?) response to Robbers but the story she tells is very similar to her fling with Tom, especially given the third man in the song. I usually claim it for the maylors anyway bc who cares about Tom. Let me know what you think.
“...Ready For It?”
Knew he was a killer first time that I saw him / Wonder how many girls he had loved and left haunted / But if he's a ghost, then I can be a phantom
I can't ignore the connections here to two other songs thought to be written about M - Ghost (2014) and Haunted (2015) by Halsey (I won't bother going into the HalseyMatty lore here but I could in another post...)
"You're a Rolling Stone boy, never-sleep-alone boy / Got a million numbers and they're filling up your phone, boy" (Ghost) "I'm begging you to keep on haunting me" (Haunted) "My ghost / Where'd you go? / I can't find you in the body sleeping next to me" (Ghost)
I can be a phantom holdin' him for ransom / Knew I was a robber first time that he saw me / Stealing hearts and running off and never saying sorry / But if I'm a thief, then he can join the heist / And he can be my jailer
Robbers is one of The 1975’s most famous songs. In the music video two lovers stick up a convenience store - definitely worth a watch if you haven't seen it. In 2014 M dedicated the song to T in Dallas in November 2017 (a week after she attended the concert in LA) here and here
Burton to this Taylor
One of my favorite references that I think reveals a lot about the messy but irresistible relationship M and T seem to have. Here's a link to a great article about the wild love affair between Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton.
Every love I've known in comparison is a failure / I forget their names now, I'm so very tame now / Never be the same now
This sentiment is repeated throughout many of the songs I believe are about M. The idea of a life altering love is obviously prevalent across TTPD but also in folklore, evermore, and Midnights. ex. "I'm never gonna love again" (cowboy like me), "I don't remember who I was before you painted all my nights a color I have searched for since" (Question...?), "I felt aglow like this / Never before and never since" (loml)
Also want to mention This Must Be My Dream from 2016, which M has said is about an older gf but may fit: "Let me tell you 'bout this girl / I thought she'd rearrange my world"
No one has to know / In the middle of the night, in my dreams / You should see the things we do, baby
See Guilty as Sin? lol
Baby, let the games begin
Taylor in an interview with Glamour in February 2014:
TS: [Nods. Pauses.] I think everyone should approach relationships from the perspective of playing it straight and giving someone the benefit of the doubt. Until he establishes that this is a game. And if it's a game, you need to win. The best thing to do is just walk away from the table.
CL: Is that winning?
TS: It is when they come back. [Laughs.] And if they don't, then they didn't care enough to begin with.
conclusion: I believe ...Ready For It? is a response to Robbers and reveals M and T's similar romanticism (sometimes toxic but so addicting). The mirrored stylization of ...Ready For It? and Question...? makes me think the latter is a continuation of the former. The mentions of “island breeze” and “we’ll move to an island” have made people believe this song is about Tom Hiddleston but other lyrics, namely “younger than my exes” pretty clearly contradicts that.
"End Game"
I wanna be your end game / I wanna be your first string /I wanna be your A-Team
Funny reading this after The Alchemy and So High School.
Big reputation, big reputation / Ooh, you and me, we got big reputations / And you heard about me / Ooh, you and me would be a big conversation
And they were! Especially because T hadn't been really linked to anyone after Harry, the speculation about her and M came hard and fast. M especially was inundated with questions in the months after the LA and NYC shows.
And I heard about you / You like the bad ones, too
Another possible reference to a Halsey song, this time Hurricane from 2014: "He says, "Oh, baby, beggin' you to save me / Well, lately I like 'em crazy/ Oh, maybe, you could devastate me"
I don't wanna touch you, I don't wanna be / Just another ex-love you don't wanna see / I don't wanna miss you / Like the other girls do
Very reminiscent of The 1975's song Somebody Else, released in 2016, speculated to be about T: "I don't want your body / But I hate to think about you with somebody else"
I hit you like bang, we tried to forget it, but we just couldn't
"Flashbacks waking me up / I get drunk, but it's not enough" (Death By A Thousand Cuts)
And I bury hatchets, but I keep maps of where I put 'em
"I circled you on a map / I haven't come around in so long" (The Alchemy)
Reputation precedes me, they told you I'm crazy
"And they tried to warn you about me" (The Albatross)
And I can't let you go, your hand prints on my soul
"Marked me like a bloodstain" (Cardigan)
It's like your eyes are liquor, it's like your body is gold
So many of the songs speculated to be about M reference his eyes but the most relevant (not the starry eyed motif which we'll get to in the future) are: "Eyes like sinking ships on waters / So inviting I almost jump in" (gold rush) and "But your eyes are flying saucers from another planet / Now I'm all for you like Janet" (Snow On The Beach)
"Deep blue, but you painted me golden" (Dancing With Our Hands Tied)
You've been calling my bluff on all my usual tricks / So here's the truth from my red lips
From the same Glamour article, Taylor talking about her 'trick' when dating:
CL: What's the freeze-out?
TS: You don't respond to any of his texts or calls until he does something desperate [like] shows up. Or he calls and leaves a voice mail. Something that makes it very clear to you that he's interested.
disclaimer: I am someone who thinks the Tom relationship was not that serious for T, so this song imo fits what she may have told us about her relationship with M more, though the beach reference does point to Tom in a way.
"Don't Blame Me"
I've been breaking hearts a long time / And toying with them older guys / Just playthings for me to use
See the quotes from the Glamour article above. "Younger than my exes, but he act like such a man, so" (...Ready For It?)
Something happened for the first time / In the darkest little paradise
May refer to the dark concert venue where they met for the first time (see So It Goes... for more)
For you / I would cross the line / I would waste my time / I would lose my mind / They say, "She's gone too far this time."
Sentiment that is repeated throughout TTPD, but most clearly in But Daddy I Love Him
My name is whatever you decide / And I'm just gonna call you mine
Though this could be a stretch, in the spotify storyline for The 1975's Oh Caroline (2022), speculated to be about T, M said "It's an invented character, where the cadence really mattered. It couldn't be "Oh Linda" or "Oh Jane" [or "Oh Taylor"] - you had to have a 3 syllable that really works. I knew what the song was about, I had felt that about someone before and I got to write an episodic, mini movie about the subject"
disclaimer: If about M, this song is very on the nose with the drug references. Generally it's a very vague song and could easily be about Joe or another ex.
"So It Goes..."
See you in the dark / All eyes on you, my magician / All eyes on us / You make everyone disappear
Likely refers to the first time T saw M in person, when she was front row at The 1975's LA show. All eyes were on M then (including T's)
"Once upon a time, the planets and the fates / And all the stars aligned / You and I ended up in the same room / At the same time" (Mastermind)
Tripping, tripping when you're gone
May relate to Don't Blame Me: "Trip of my life / every time you're touching me"
'Cause we breakdown a little / But when you get me alone, it's so simple
Maybe a stretch but M famously had a breakdown on stage in Boston on December 6, 2014. In an interview with the Guardian he said: “There was girl stuff. There was family stuff. There was financial stuff. There was drug stuff. I remember hearing the crowd and having an identity crisis. I thought: ‘If you want to see a show, I’ll give you a fucking show. If you’ve come to see the jester drink himself into a slumber, I’ll give it to you.’ I felt like I’d become an idea as opposed to being a person.”
“And I was 25 and afraid to go outside” (Give Yourself a Try)
And all the pieces fall / Right into place
"I laid the groundwork and then, just like clockwork / The dominoes cascaded in a line" (Mastermind)
Getting caught up in a moment / Lipstick on your face
"I said, "Don't fall in love with the moment" / She said I've got a lot to learn / Don't fall in love with the moment /And think you're in love with the girl" (She's American)
Come here, dressed in black now
"Yeah, we're dressed in black from head to toe" (Chocolate). Taylor was also wearing all black the night of the LA show.
conclusion: You did a number on me / But, honestly, baby, who's counting? / I did a number on you / But, honestly, baby, who's counting? ( "King of My Heart"
We met a few weeks ago / Now you try on callin' me "baby" like tryin' on clothes
The reason why I don't necessarily think Joe fits. They met at the Met Gala in 2017 and she very quickly started seeing Tom, obviously it could still be him but I wanted to note this.
"Don't call me 'kid,' don't call me 'baby' / Look at this idiotic fool that you made me" (illicit affairs)
And you move to me like I'm a Motown beat
M loves Motown, even sampling a track by The Temptations on Tonight (I Wish I Was Your Boy). He's also always loved dancing, which you can see in the videos for A Change of Heart and Oh Caroline.
Salute to me I'm your American Queen / Say you fancy me, not fancy stuff
He's English, obviously.
And we rule the kingdom inside my room / With all these nights we're spending / Up on the roof with a school girl crush
Totally speculation but M and T hiding out in her NYC home makes a lot of sense from other pieces she has shared about the relationship “My kingdom come undone” (Hoax)
Late in the night, the city's asleep / Your love is a secret I'm hoping, dreaming, dying to keep
Speculation again but fits with the story of M and T as mostly loving each other in secret (see Dancing With Our Hands Tied and Dress)
Is this the end of all the endings? / My broken bones are mending
As mentioned above, T had seemingly taken a break from dating after the breakup with Harry.
disclaimer: Definitely not 100% sure on this one as there is convincing evidence that it is about J
"Dancing With Our Hands Tied"
I, I loved you in secret / First sight, yeah, we love without reason / Oh, 25 years old
M and T were both born in 1989, M was 25 when they first met and dated and T was turning 25.
My, my love had been frozen / People started talking, putting us through our paces / I knew there was no one in the world who could take it / I loved you in spite of / Deep fears that the world would divide us
“A red rose grew up out of ice frozen ground / With no one around to tweet it” (The Lakes)
In an interview with the Guardian Matty said: “The day after she’d been to a show of ours, someone sent me a screenshot of E! News with the headline ‘Who is Matt Healy?’ That freaked me out. I’m not ready to indulge in that world and I’m not ready to be judged by that world.” So sad to read knowing that they dealt with a similar situation nearly a decade later.
Picture of your face in an invisible locket
“Wear you like a necklace” (So It Goes…)
And darling, you had turned my bed into a sacred oasis
“Now you hang from my lips / Like the Gardens of Babylon / With your boots beneath my bed” (cowboy like me)
I'd kiss you as the lights went out / Swaying as the room burned down / I'd hold you as the water rushes in / If I could dance with you again
Reminds me so much of the music video for cardigan, where T slips into a rough ocean and hangs on to a piano. Also from cardigan: “Leaving like a father / Running like water”
“Dress”
Our secret moments in a crowded room / They got no idea about me and you
"Did you ever have someone kiss you in a crowded room / And every single one of your friends was / Making fun of you" (Question...?)
There is an indentation in the shape of you / Made your mark on me, a golden tattoo
M seemingly makes a lasting impression: “Deep blue, but you painted me golden” (Dancing With Our Hands Tied) “The mark they saw on my collarbone” (Maroon) “Marked me like a bloodstain” (cardigan)
'Cause I don't want you like a best friend
T often seems to refer to a friendship with M, perhaps they tried it a few times: “We were supposed to be just friends” (Glitch) “Like you were my closest friend” (Maroon) “Just say when, I'd play again / He was my best friend / Down at the sandlot” (My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys)
And if I get burned, at least we were electrified
“I'd kiss you as the lights went out / Swaying as the room burned down” (Dancing With Our Hands Tied)
I'm spilling wine in the bathtub / You kiss my face and we're both drunk
Many of the possible M songs refer to M and T’s love of wine. “And I can see us twisted in bedsheets / August slipped away like a bottle of wine” (august) “The burgundy on my T-shirt when you splashed your wine into me / And how the blood rushed into my cheeks, so scarlet, it was (maroon)” (Maroon)
disclaimer - Obviously most likely about Joe given the reference to the 2017 Met Gala but I think it was worth a mention!
“Call It What You Want”
My baby's fly like a jet stream / High above the whole scene
Probably a double-entendre. M considers himself slightly on the outside of the ‘scene’ but this can come across as self assurance. This also could refer to literally being high on drugs
Loves me like I'm brand new
After T’s clever use of The Starting Line in TTPD I’m convinced she’s referring to the band Brand New. M posted a Brand New album on his ig story in 2020.
All my flowers grew back as thorns
An interesting contrast to “I once was poison ivy, but now I'm your daisy” from Don’t Blame Me
Windows boarded up after the storm
“I look through the windows of this love / Even though we boarded them up” (Death By A Thousand Cuts)
I'm laughing with my lover
“Laughing with my feet in your lap” (Maroon) “Please don't ever become a stranger / Whose laugh I could recognize anywhere” (New Year’s Day)
Making forts under covers
Matty famously built a fort in ATPOAIM 3. “I'll build you a fort on some planet / Where they can all understand it” (Down Bad)
Trust him like a brother
“Like I lost my twin” (Down Bad)
Starry eyes sparking up my darkest night
So many starry eyed references which is terribly romantic and terribly sad. “Do I really have to chart the constellations in his eyes?” (High Infidelity), “Your opal eyes are all I wish to see” (ivy), “Eyes full of stars” (cowboy like me), and “Gazing at me starry-eyed” (The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived)
I want to wear his initial on a chain 'round my neck
“Picture of your face in an invisible locket” (Dancing With Our Hands Tied) “Wear you like a necklace” (So It Goes…)
I recall late November, holding my breath
Late November fits perfectly into the timeline of M and T’s 2014 relationship. Late October to Late DecembeEarly January makes the most sense.
Slowly I said, "You don't need to save me / But would you run away with me?"
“You're mad thinking you could ever save me. Not looking like that.” (A Change of Heart)
disclaimer: Again lots of Joe references in this as well so take this with a grain of salt.
“New Year’s Day”
You and me from the night before, but / Don't read the last page
From Me and You Together Song (2020): “I think the story needs more pages, yes.” The reference to “the last page” also makes this song feel like more of a reminiscence than a song about a current lover.
I want your midnights / But I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day
Impossible not to reread these lyrics after Midnights was released as a nod to M: “When the morning came we / Were cleaning incense off your / Vinyl shelf ‘cause we lost track of time again” (Maroon)
You squeeze my hand three times in the back of the taxi / I can tell that it's gonna be a long road / I'll be there if you're the toast of the town, babe / Or if you strike out and you're crawling home
Especially after the release of TTPD it seems that both T and M made many promises to each other that they couldn’t keep
Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you / Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you / Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you / And I will hold on to you
The reference to memories here creates a bit of a confusing feeling about the muse for this song. Although T seems to be talking in the present tense I do think these are memories and dreams for a past relationship.
“Hold on and hope that we'll find our way back in the end / Do you think I have forgotten? / Do you think I have forgotten? / Do you think I have forgotten / About you?” (About You)
Please don't ever become a stranger / Whose laugh I could recognize anywhere / Please don't ever become a stranger / Whose laugh I could recognize anywhere
Not much to say about this but ow!
You and me forevermore
Again reminds me of Me and You Together Song (which I do buy as a song at least partially about T). And of course links to Evermore.
disclaimer: This could absolutely be about Joe but it does feel almost like a goodbye to M, closing the album. It’s as if she is reading “the last page”
Congrats if you read this lol. I clearly have too much time on my hands
2024.05.15 01:27 Digll Weird drain pipe discovered during repair / mold treatment.
 | Apologies for the bad picture, any plumbers help solve this pipe mystery? submitted by Digll to DIY [link] [comments] The left drain going down feeds from a sink that was removed and washer dryer. The middle one goes down near the shower drain and also has the in feeds water from the house (this is a garage conversion.) the right pipe coming up is the gas release to the roof and feeds a removed line from an old washer and dryer. What the hell is the black pipe in the middle doing and why? How would both these feed into the pipe to the sewer? Any plumbers that can shed a light on what's going on or why this would have been done appreciated. |
2024.05.14 23:57 TrickSmoke9882 Should I continue letting my cat sit in the balcony
I have a 5month old kitten who sits in the balcony for hours. I'm on the first floor. There's also a huge roof/shed under the balcony which he can safely jump on without getting hurt. The metal grills on the balcony are big enough for him to pass through. But he never does.
In the beginning, I used to tie the leash and let him sit and enjoy the nature. Now that I realized he never tries to escape, I stopped tying the leash because he gets it tangled sometimes. I would get safety netting done but we are planning to move and looking for new apartments. But it might also take time. we're not sure.
Balcony is attached to my room and he often wakes me up in the middle of the night screaming wanting to go to the balcony asking me to open the balcony door. (I cannot keep the door open overnight because of mosquitoes) So I open the door and go back to sleep sometimes. After I wake up, I find him sitting or sleeping safely. which means he didn't try to jump... even though he sees other stray cats on the ground floor.
I thought cats are afraid of heights and like to have something to rest their paws on. So I was carefree but I'm starting to wonder..
Would he try to jump when he gets older?
when he was very small: old picture of kitten in balcony
submitted by TrickSmoke9882 to CatAdvice [link] [comments]
In the beginning, I used to tie the leash and let him sit and enjoy the nature. Now that I realized he never tries to escape, I stopped tying the leash because he gets it tangled sometimes. I would get safety netting done but we are planning to move and looking for new apartments. But it might also take time. we're not sure.
Balcony is attached to my room and he often wakes me up in the middle of the night screaming wanting to go to the balcony asking me to open the balcony door. (I cannot keep the door open overnight because of mosquitoes) So I open the door and go back to sleep sometimes. After I wake up, I find him sitting or sleeping safely. which means he didn't try to jump... even though he sees other stray cats on the ground floor.
I thought cats are afraid of heights and like to have something to rest their paws on. So I was carefree but I'm starting to wonder..
Would he try to jump when he gets older?
when he was very small: old picture of kitten in balcony
2024.05.14 18:19 Reckonwithaugust Wisteria overgrown roof shed question
Hi, I am a renter from a friend who just bought an old triple decker that the elderly owners let go to seed a bit in many ways. At some point they cultivated this amazing wisteria tree over the shed. It has been growing up into our electrical wires and also the roof of the shed is one of the sunniest spots so I was thinking of pruning it back to put some pots of squash up there to climb and to protect the electrical wires. So I have a couple questions. However at first I didn’t know what the tree was an I impulsively cut back from way toward where the tree met the roof, pictured below and now I’m worried that will have damaged the integrity of the roof/ the tree had grown into the structure of the roof but without its energy to support those branches supporting the trellis - anything to worry about? The shed is a simple metal structure so I’m not too worried about it’s integrity but I feel really bad about cutting so much back. Second, from a permaculture perspective (which I am just learning about), should I leave a lot of these brambles up here with the beautiful natural soil forming from other tree cover and nature doing it’s thing? Rather than clearing them off? What would you do with this situation? Thanks so much!
submitted by Reckonwithaugust to Permaculture [link] [comments]
2024.05.14 06:35 Diligent_Double9389 Please don't tell me this what I think it is ?
 | My rental has this dingy looking shed at the back. My cat always sits on it. Today I noticed the plastic corrugated roof was brittle and cracking. Decided to snap a piece of and noticed fibres. Decided to blow torch the piece I snapped off. After 30 seconds of burning(wearing mask), everything disappeared apart from the little fibres 😮💨 It's a very old house so definitely is likely. Called the local aspestos company and he advised its probably just fibreglass given its in plastic. I got a ladder to take a picture of it from above and it is filled with fibres. submitted by Diligent_Double9389 to asbestoshelp [link] [comments] |
2024.05.13 17:29 tinuthir I want to smartify my outdoor sockets
Howdy all! I have four outdoor sockets which are so old that one of the plastic housings broke off from its screw (top left corner). Needless to say, they gotta go.
Now, that cable going away to the top simply powers a lamp with its own switch - ignore it, because it's going away anyway. The entire thing is a Frankenstein's Monster style problem that I want to make better. I'd appreciate any help I can get here! Located in Germany in case anyone wants to recommend hardware.
A few priors to be aware of:
What's the plan now?
I have two ideas.
submitted by tinuthir to homeassistant [link] [comments]
Now, that cable going away to the top simply powers a lamp with its own switch - ignore it, because it's going away anyway. The entire thing is a Frankenstein's Monster style problem that I want to make better. I'd appreciate any help I can get here! Located in Germany in case anyone wants to recommend hardware.
A few priors to be aware of:
- We need four sockets there.
- I want at least two of those sockets to be smart. All four would also work fine, but I'm not picky.
- Behind the socket on the very right, there's one single set of wires coming out of the wall in a single cavity.
- Local control!
- The sockets are all outdoor, but under a roof.
What's the plan now?
I have two ideas.
- Put a 4 gang relay/smart switch into the wall cavity. Wire one of those smart gangs to one outdoor-rated plug each. Pretty clean, each switch and socket can be labeled clearly, local control plus smarts. However, that single relay might run into stress when mowing the lawn while the a bike is charging in the shed and/or the fountain pump is running.
- Use clamps to take each of those wires to one outdoor rated socket-plus-switch thing, and stick either a shelly or a zigbee relay in there. This would take up more space on the wall for sure, and it'll also end up being more expensive. However, I would also avoid a bottle neck - one relay per switch/socket is much safer than that single relay for all four, right?
2024.05.13 13:13 CPC_Alice [Thoughts] I don't exactly have a lot of time to write this...
Why does Nijisanji always have to do this... I've been so busy lately that even the time to write this has been cut down...
You only budgeted less than an hour to write this, you big dumbass
I-
Not only that, you also have to wake up early.
Yes, I kn-
IT IS 3:41 AM LOCAL TIME YOU SHITTY MOD
I-I know... please...
THESE THINGS TAKE HOURS TO DO PROPERLY! YOU ARE SHIT AT SCHEDULING!
\MikaCry.png*)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It is 3:44AM local time when I decided to start writing this. I try to keep a week window to do these so it is really a "weekly" wrap up. Consistency is very important after all. Then I look at how far down I have to go to reach the previous weekly wrap up and I'm just like... "There has to be a better way...."
If I try to write every day on what happen tho and save a draft, it won't flow well and the writing tone will change and stuff. So... I'll just have to do this I guess?... Wait.. I'm already over time... WHAT THE FU-
.... *cough* Anyways.
Do you remember when Fuwa Minato (from Niji JP) suggested to a teen during a radio-callin to "buy followers"? Quite a sh-tty thing to suggest that you artificially inflate your social media followers so you get a fake number to show off. Especially on how much teens take stock on such metrics socially? There is also the question raised on how accurate their own sub counts are now (considering their talent just outright said to buy such things). What bad optics yo.
Nijisanji opens their mouth and "interesting" stuff comes out... Wait.. THAT is the first topic after the last write up? WHAT?!
There was also that picture of the Niji Retirees without Sayu. Link is a direct XTwitter one lol. Tracked down the artist lol.
Also a meme
There is also this post... "If Hell is Forever, then Heaven must be a Lie". Does Vtubing attract those with a different slant mentally or does it cause it? \looks at the mirror* ...* Hmn... At least in this context, a certain company certainly doesn't help at all.
Oh right! Sayu also had her first Honkai Star Rail sponsored stream lol (oh here is also the stream link). Considering things, it is nice that she got a sponsored stream from MiHoYo again. Personally I don't currently play any of their games (I did tho :P) so I have no strong feelings about it one way or another. I just know the lore and... its nice.
Then there is KamiiGOO tweeting on how happy she is. I mean I know that it is being magnified by the context but holy heck is the unsaid parts being echoed out so hard in the background lol
Then there was that post about Black Vtubing companies. I mean, there is certainly to be said about the one that doxxed their own talents. At the same time tho, they are not as big as Nijisanji/AnyColor and how many more people are affected by what they do. Either way, I do wonder how many Vtubing companies have been outed as "Black"... I don't have enough energy to seriously pursue it lol
Then there is that post about Sayu surpassing Zaion. The new surpases the old. Nice
NijiSisters are hypocrites.... HA
The Sky is Blue
The Sun Rises from the East
NijiSisters are hypocrites.
Fact of life folks. This ain't gonna change. They're a bunch of crazies if one is being honest.
\Sees Suisei-sama, have to talk about it**
I... I actually can't talk too much about the thing with Suisei-sama \feels the time pressure right now*. Basically, she turned off SuperChats because she already has a lot of merch that any Hoshiyomis worth their salt would be devouring (\wallet-kun dies a violent death*) so she'd rather save her fans SOME money and go with a merch instead. At least that way, they'll get something for supporting her too!
Iroha-dono must also be suffering quite a bit. As the Hoshiyomi representative, any support for her will no doubt also flow towards partly supporting Suisei-sama too... UGH... The amount of Merch... *hyperventilates* h-help...
Oh to be clear, I'm actually not that big of a Hoshiyomi...
That's a f-cking lie you shitty mod.
N-No Comment... but I swear! I'm more of a Tako!
What time is it again...?
\screams*)
Then there is the Meme that makes Niji Sith.... Heheh... Seeth, Sith... you know?... no? not funny? I-I'm sorry...
Remember the time when (presumably) Niji Management blocked Niji talents from participating from that certain Tekken event because Doki was in it? I believe Vox also expressed interest but it never materialized? I mean... its petty but it still tracks with what Niji Management does y'know? Late addition: One more post?
Oh god, I am still at a VERY small portion... I am already past my allocated schedule for this.. I'm cutting into sleep X\X)
Dokibird hit 700K subscribers! Yay!
There is also that time when Marine-sencho talked about how "Suffocating" it is to be under Holo Management. Here is even a clip of it. To clarify it, she said on how there ARE restrictions and her manager and staff-san are on her case at times. She internally rages about it at the moment (as is normal). However, she also knows that it is because they are also protecting her too. It is not a case of "being restrictive to bully" but "being restrictive because if we don't, there is a real chance of your channel being deleted/sponsors pulling out". To be clear, there is also the fact that viewers have a nice cache of trust on Holo vs Niji that they believe it when a talent says it like this.
Considering who Senchou is and the stuff that DOES get through (for example...), one could only wonder what kind of yabai it is that DOES GET RESTRICTED. Makes one wonder y'know?
Then out of nowhere, a couple of demon guard dogs said "Hold our Bone" then showcased a small spread of their hand-signed postcards for their birthday merch. Looking closely, you can see that they ARE hand-signed. In the context of Niji, this absolutely MAULS and MOGS on a certain someone who got outed that their signature isn't even signed by themselves LOL. Did they even offer hand-signed postcards? Or are they all just stamped? No idea, I never even looked at their merch lol.
Now, to be clear, I did wish Hex Haywire a happy birthday and a very long tenure with Nijisanji (hehe), but damn did Niji Management did him dirty on his stream. Not that I really care nor watch him, but still sucks when they do this.
Oh, and remember, he's the one who f-cked around with the ashes of a friend's dead Grandfather and someone's pet fish. He's not a nice person.
Then there is that Meme about how you avoid Nijisanji without actively avoiding them. Heh.
Oh, this is what I'd like to call "Foreshadowing"?
Apparently Dokibird/Selen is unmarketable? One tweet of many that says otherwise :P Late addition: Marvel Alpha. Really unmarketable huh?
This is also Round 2 of the Transparency post btw. Just a little thing...
There is also this post about Parrot. Damn, it's only May... wait... it's only May... Oh fu-
Oh right, shihomii created the sticky post in regards to making a master timeline of things. Nice.
Remember that Foreshadowing? Well, there has been some posts that popped up on it. To be clear, for a majority of healthy sane adults who knows their stuff,responsible consumption of these mixed drinks wouldn't cause a major problem for them. The Math has been done by various people on it. It SHOULDN'T be that big of a problem. However, it was done while marketing to an obvious younger demographic that might not exactly know when to stop. There is also the fact that NO SANE COMPANY would outright say or even want the messaging NEAR THEM to mix energy drinks + alcohol. Especially on a 1:1 ratio. This is just absolute MADNESS that they said "Oh, yeah, this is fine." and gave the approval. it got even the Japanese government involved. Also, links to posts about this being randomly placed cuz reasons :P late addition: Lamy talking about Mixing Alcohol and Energy drinks. There is even a clip of it! Wild Yagoo appears
There is also a question posted. Why even be in Nijisanji?
Then there is the Comparison meme.
Gotta say that I can't understand Claude Logic. I think I'm better off that way.
Apparently, there has been some Nijisisters who are trying to weaponize the NijiJP fanbase to attack Khyo. Huh...
There is also a post about Polka-sama... Ever Blue huh...
There is also another dokibird W going to AVCon as a guest.
Coco-kaichou mentioned.
So apparently Anime Impulse's M&G tickets are still not sold out. So they increased the limit to 5. Y'know, target the whales :P. It allowed them to sell out on some more talents. Really milking those whales eh?
Artist tries to hide from Vtuber. Wasn't that successful.
So Armchair Expert did a follow-up video. This time analyzing the Zaion situation and how it reflects on what AnyColoNijisanji did to Selen. Obviously people have thoughts on it. To me, it just said the quiet, unsaid parts out loud while also throwing terms that the average person doesn't know about. Things like "Folk Devil". I remember talking on how I personally know about it already and what Armchair Expert's video did is to deliver it in a way that the regular people would understand and digest it. I wonder where I said that... I forgor lol
There has been an update for Kotoka Torahime. For those concerned, here you go!
Grim
Halp, I'm losing steam X\X... my sleep time....)
Crazy Nijisister implies that they and Nijisanji will try to get 4chan shutdown. I remember cackling like mad when i saw this. I was laughing so much that I had to get water. Onee-sama was concerned for me when she saw me barely standing up trying to get water because I was laughing too much. Hmmm~
Remember folks that false flagging is always a thing. Keep an eye out.
Idol Sponsored Dokibird to watch their new gen
So Sayu did a watchalong of Armchair Expert. That was even watched by the mod staff. Thoughts and points were talked about. From both the user base and the mod team. Wild really.
So, Hololive Meet Taipei 2024. Why is this relevant? Well, they also had a Karaoke event (not concert) that can be compared to VR-SG. Pointed out in a reply by OP, it sure looks like Hololive keeps on winning even on a "Karaoke" vs VR-SG. Here is Bae posting some pics (tweet here). FuwaMoco also did one. Here is Gura's own tweet. Here is also some thoughts about it (with pics) and more replies too. This absolutely is just.... I mean.... the Down Under Concert is... a Concert. This is Hololive on a Karaoke!!! VR-SG is a Karaoke (it ain't a concert) so this is the most comparable comparisons. SO THIS JUST PROVES THAT NIJI IS MOGGED HARD BY MOST OBJECTIVE METRICS. Heck, I was recently watching an old hwikky video about AGF and I was struck on how a free DJ event in that convention must have comparable attendance while having A LOT MORE ENERGY to VR-SG. It is just wild really. Late addition: More Screenshots (along with official tweet). Btw, did VR-SG release any "official photos" of their event?
There was also a M&G comparison between Holo and Niji's VR-SG.
Dokibird is also hosting a WrestleTuber event that has HoloStars, Idol EN, and Phase Connect members in it.
Oh, here is a good reminder.
More NijisisteNDF madness. Daymn they crazy.
Dokibird W with AnimeThon bringing her in as a Guest of Honor (that's the tweet). This girl is BUSY. wtf.
Wait, NijiEN is having a *Full 3D concert* at AnimeExpo? Considering how the last one went.. \Are they Sure**?
Bonnivier Pranaja was announced to be graduating Nijisanji. I don't know who this is personally so I can't really say much. However, I don't think his name came up on any predictions at all.
*looks at the time* oh god...
My sleep...
.... *sigh*
Well... I'm all caught up... you are all too... I spent... *checks* ... too long on this... most likely because I wanted to make sure I linked things properly + watched things so its accurate.
I want to sleep.
Ugh.
Thank you very much for reading! I'll see you guys at the next post!
Yours,
CPC_Alice
submitted by CPC_Alice to kurosanji [link] [comments]
You only budgeted less than an hour to write this, you big dumbass
I-
Not only that, you also have to wake up early.
Yes, I kn-
IT IS 3:41 AM LOCAL TIME YOU SHITTY MOD
I-I know... please...
THESE THINGS TAKE HOURS TO DO PROPERLY! YOU ARE SHIT AT SCHEDULING!
\MikaCry.png*)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It is 3:44AM local time when I decided to start writing this. I try to keep a week window to do these so it is really a "weekly" wrap up. Consistency is very important after all. Then I look at how far down I have to go to reach the previous weekly wrap up and I'm just like... "There has to be a better way...."
If I try to write every day on what happen tho and save a draft, it won't flow well and the writing tone will change and stuff. So... I'll just have to do this I guess?... Wait.. I'm already over time... WHAT THE FU-
.... *cough* Anyways.
Do you remember when Fuwa Minato (from Niji JP) suggested to a teen during a radio-callin to "buy followers"? Quite a sh-tty thing to suggest that you artificially inflate your social media followers so you get a fake number to show off. Especially on how much teens take stock on such metrics socially? There is also the question raised on how accurate their own sub counts are now (considering their talent just outright said to buy such things). What bad optics yo.
Nijisanji opens their mouth and "interesting" stuff comes out... Wait.. THAT is the first topic after the last write up? WHAT?!
There was also that picture of the Niji Retirees without Sayu. Link is a direct XTwitter one lol. Tracked down the artist lol.
Also a meme
There is also this post... "If Hell is Forever, then Heaven must be a Lie". Does Vtubing attract those with a different slant mentally or does it cause it? \looks at the mirror* ...* Hmn... At least in this context, a certain company certainly doesn't help at all.
Oh right! Sayu also had her first Honkai Star Rail sponsored stream lol (oh here is also the stream link). Considering things, it is nice that she got a sponsored stream from MiHoYo again. Personally I don't currently play any of their games (I did tho :P) so I have no strong feelings about it one way or another. I just know the lore and... its nice.
Then there is KamiiGOO tweeting on how happy she is. I mean I know that it is being magnified by the context but holy heck is the unsaid parts being echoed out so hard in the background lol
Then there was that post about Black Vtubing companies. I mean, there is certainly to be said about the one that doxxed their own talents. At the same time tho, they are not as big as Nijisanji/AnyColor and how many more people are affected by what they do. Either way, I do wonder how many Vtubing companies have been outed as "Black"... I don't have enough energy to seriously pursue it lol
Then there is that post about Sayu surpassing Zaion. The new surpases the old. Nice
NijiSisters are hypocrites.... HA
The Sky is Blue
The Sun Rises from the East
NijiSisters are hypocrites.
Fact of life folks. This ain't gonna change. They're a bunch of crazies if one is being honest.
\Sees Suisei-sama, have to talk about it**
I... I actually can't talk too much about the thing with Suisei-sama \feels the time pressure right now*. Basically, she turned off SuperChats because she already has a lot of merch that any Hoshiyomis worth their salt would be devouring (\wallet-kun dies a violent death*) so she'd rather save her fans SOME money and go with a merch instead. At least that way, they'll get something for supporting her too!
Iroha-dono must also be suffering quite a bit. As the Hoshiyomi representative, any support for her will no doubt also flow towards partly supporting Suisei-sama too... UGH... The amount of Merch... *hyperventilates* h-help...
Oh to be clear, I'm actually not that big of a Hoshiyomi...
That's a f-cking lie you shitty mod.
N-No Comment... but I swear! I'm more of a Tako!
What time is it again...?
\screams*)
Then there is the Meme that makes Niji Sith.... Heheh... Seeth, Sith... you know?... no? not funny? I-I'm sorry...
Remember the time when (presumably) Niji Management blocked Niji talents from participating from that certain Tekken event because Doki was in it? I believe Vox also expressed interest but it never materialized? I mean... its petty but it still tracks with what Niji Management does y'know? Late addition: One more post?
Oh god, I am still at a VERY small portion... I am already past my allocated schedule for this.. I'm cutting into sleep X\X)
Dokibird hit 700K subscribers! Yay!
There is also that time when Marine-sencho talked about how "Suffocating" it is to be under Holo Management. Here is even a clip of it. To clarify it, she said on how there ARE restrictions and her manager and staff-san are on her case at times. She internally rages about it at the moment (as is normal). However, she also knows that it is because they are also protecting her too. It is not a case of "being restrictive to bully" but "being restrictive because if we don't, there is a real chance of your channel being deleted/sponsors pulling out". To be clear, there is also the fact that viewers have a nice cache of trust on Holo vs Niji that they believe it when a talent says it like this.
Considering who Senchou is and the stuff that DOES get through (for example...), one could only wonder what kind of yabai it is that DOES GET RESTRICTED. Makes one wonder y'know?
Then out of nowhere, a couple of demon guard dogs said "Hold our Bone" then showcased a small spread of their hand-signed postcards for their birthday merch. Looking closely, you can see that they ARE hand-signed. In the context of Niji, this absolutely MAULS and MOGS on a certain someone who got outed that their signature isn't even signed by themselves LOL. Did they even offer hand-signed postcards? Or are they all just stamped? No idea, I never even looked at their merch lol.
Now, to be clear, I did wish Hex Haywire a happy birthday and a very long tenure with Nijisanji (hehe), but damn did Niji Management did him dirty on his stream. Not that I really care nor watch him, but still sucks when they do this.
Oh, and remember, he's the one who f-cked around with the ashes of a friend's dead Grandfather and someone's pet fish. He's not a nice person.
Then there is that Meme about how you avoid Nijisanji without actively avoiding them. Heh.
Oh, this is what I'd like to call "Foreshadowing"?
Apparently Dokibird/Selen is unmarketable? One tweet of many that says otherwise :P Late addition: Marvel Alpha. Really unmarketable huh?
This is also Round 2 of the Transparency post btw. Just a little thing...
There is also this post about Parrot. Damn, it's only May... wait... it's only May... Oh fu-
Oh right, shihomii created the sticky post in regards to making a master timeline of things. Nice.
Remember that Foreshadowing? Well, there has been some posts that popped up on it. To be clear, for a majority of healthy sane adults who knows their stuff,responsible consumption of these mixed drinks wouldn't cause a major problem for them. The Math has been done by various people on it. It SHOULDN'T be that big of a problem. However, it was done while marketing to an obvious younger demographic that might not exactly know when to stop. There is also the fact that NO SANE COMPANY would outright say or even want the messaging NEAR THEM to mix energy drinks + alcohol. Especially on a 1:1 ratio. This is just absolute MADNESS that they said "Oh, yeah, this is fine." and gave the approval. it got even the Japanese government involved. Also, links to posts about this being randomly placed cuz reasons :P late addition: Lamy talking about Mixing Alcohol and Energy drinks. There is even a clip of it! Wild Yagoo appears
There is also a question posted. Why even be in Nijisanji?
Then there is the Comparison meme.
Gotta say that I can't understand Claude Logic. I think I'm better off that way.
Apparently, there has been some Nijisisters who are trying to weaponize the NijiJP fanbase to attack Khyo. Huh...
There is also a post about Polka-sama... Ever Blue huh...
There is also another dokibird W going to AVCon as a guest.
Coco-kaichou mentioned.
So apparently Anime Impulse's M&G tickets are still not sold out. So they increased the limit to 5. Y'know, target the whales :P. It allowed them to sell out on some more talents. Really milking those whales eh?
Artist tries to hide from Vtuber. Wasn't that successful.
So Armchair Expert did a follow-up video. This time analyzing the Zaion situation and how it reflects on what AnyColoNijisanji did to Selen. Obviously people have thoughts on it. To me, it just said the quiet, unsaid parts out loud while also throwing terms that the average person doesn't know about. Things like "Folk Devil". I remember talking on how I personally know about it already and what Armchair Expert's video did is to deliver it in a way that the regular people would understand and digest it. I wonder where I said that... I forgor lol
There has been an update for Kotoka Torahime. For those concerned, here you go!
Grim
Halp, I'm losing steam X\X... my sleep time....)
Crazy Nijisister implies that they and Nijisanji will try to get 4chan shutdown. I remember cackling like mad when i saw this. I was laughing so much that I had to get water. Onee-sama was concerned for me when she saw me barely standing up trying to get water because I was laughing too much. Hmmm~
Remember folks that false flagging is always a thing. Keep an eye out.
Idol Sponsored Dokibird to watch their new gen
So Sayu did a watchalong of Armchair Expert. That was even watched by the mod staff. Thoughts and points were talked about. From both the user base and the mod team. Wild really.
So, Hololive Meet Taipei 2024. Why is this relevant? Well, they also had a Karaoke event (not concert) that can be compared to VR-SG. Pointed out in a reply by OP, it sure looks like Hololive keeps on winning even on a "Karaoke" vs VR-SG. Here is Bae posting some pics (tweet here). FuwaMoco also did one. Here is Gura's own tweet. Here is also some thoughts about it (with pics) and more replies too. This absolutely is just.... I mean.... the Down Under Concert is... a Concert. This is Hololive on a Karaoke!!! VR-SG is a Karaoke (it ain't a concert) so this is the most comparable comparisons. SO THIS JUST PROVES THAT NIJI IS MOGGED HARD BY MOST OBJECTIVE METRICS. Heck, I was recently watching an old hwikky video about AGF and I was struck on how a free DJ event in that convention must have comparable attendance while having A LOT MORE ENERGY to VR-SG. It is just wild really. Late addition: More Screenshots (along with official tweet). Btw, did VR-SG release any "official photos" of their event?
There was also a M&G comparison between Holo and Niji's VR-SG.
Dokibird is also hosting a WrestleTuber event that has HoloStars, Idol EN, and Phase Connect members in it.
Oh, here is a good reminder.
More NijisisteNDF madness. Daymn they crazy.
Dokibird W with AnimeThon bringing her in as a Guest of Honor (that's the tweet). This girl is BUSY. wtf.
Wait, NijiEN is having a *Full 3D concert* at AnimeExpo? Considering how the last one went.. \Are they Sure**?
Bonnivier Pranaja was announced to be graduating Nijisanji. I don't know who this is personally so I can't really say much. However, I don't think his name came up on any predictions at all.
*looks at the time* oh god...
My sleep...
.... *sigh*
Well... I'm all caught up... you are all too... I spent... *checks* ... too long on this... most likely because I wanted to make sure I linked things properly + watched things so its accurate.
I want to sleep.
Ugh.
Thank you very much for reading! I'll see you guys at the next post!
Yours,
CPC_Alice
2024.05.12 16:05 Not_Mason_Pines Piecing Together the Inside of the Noceda Residence
Hi, hello, it's me again, posting some more work my brain forced me to do before I'm allowed to get back to writing again 'cause none of it will be seen by anyone if I don't.
tl;dr, I tried to use the scenes we get to put together two possible floorplans for the Noceda residence, though, surprise surprise, there's no definitive answer.
Here's also an imgur album where all the sketches and combined screenshots scattered around this post are located. I'd suggest having all embeds open for this post's formatting's sake. If you instead want to read this post on tumblr, head here. Anyway.
Since the scenes establishing the Grove's interior are mostly isolated to single rooms or all within one episode, hopefully the paradoxes and contradictions remain somewhat low. And of course, before we fully dive into things, this is not meant as a critique towards the show. Setting up a scene, joke, or otherwise, trumps a fully logical, realistic layout, and putting together a full floorplan prior to boarding or animating makes it almost impossible to account for any later rooms or more useful arrangements that are needed in the future.
So, with the introduction aside, let's first take a look at the exterior of Walnut Grove.
Walnut Grove exterior
The house is a quaint suburban home with two floors, possibly an attic, and (a later revealed) basement, with a forward-facing gable roof that has one shed-style dormer window at the front. There's a chimney off on the right, slightly off-center, and there's two windows on this side, one for each floor. The front door is to the left, along with six windows, two thinner ones on either side of the door and four big ones, though the second thin window is occasionally missing, such as in the picture above. There's no garage, just a driveway. The back and left-facing sides of the Grove are never seen, so they're a blank slate, though it's very likely there's a backdoor. The general dimensions of the house seem to have a comparable width to length, close to a square.
Front door
In the second half of Thanks to Them, there's a perfect shot that shows the full entryway.
Full entry hallway
Here you can see the stairs on the left, a door on the left near the back of the stairs, a door all the way at the end with ventilation up top, and two openings on the right, one leading directly into the kitchen.
As a funny aside, in the extended intro in Thanks to Them there's a shot of the hall that looks like this, where the stairs have to be fit in a seriously thin slice on the left to not be visible.
Spaghettified staircase
Anyway, going counter-clockwise, the living room is easily established as being the first opening on the right of the hall (hard to see due to low lighting), the stairs are also visible from the living room. The majority of this room is occupied by drawers and small tables, plus a large sofa in the middle with a TV against the front wall. There's also a window off to the right.
Living room
The back right corner of the living room is never seen properly, nor is the front wall beyond a close-up shot of the TV, but the back left has this additional inward corner.
The other room visible in the prior establishing shot of the entry hall is the kitchen, being accessible through the second opening. These two opposing shots give a full view of the kitchen. There's a counter that runs along the back three walls, along with a kitchen island and a breakfast table on the other side. The microwave and stove top plus oven are on the left along with the fridge, and the sink's at the back.
Kitchen
The opening on the right of the second picture leads into the hallway, with the other exit being a regular door.
There's also a different angle where the opening is seen more clearly, with the room opposite the hall being the downstairs toilet. This also means the door on the left of the establishing shot of the entry hallway belongs to the downstairs toilet, leaving only the door at the back of the hall unaccounted for, though the presence of the window in the kitchen makes it very likely this is the backdoor, or something that leads into a small room that has the backdoor.
Kitchen view of toilet
And that should be all the known rooms on the ground floor done with. Here's a crude sketch for the layout (not necessarily to scale):
Sketch of downstairs
Before making anything more definitive, let's move on to the other two floors. First, the basement is probably the easiest and most well-defined. These two opposing shots map out the majority of it.
Basement
There's a small work station and a sofa seated up against the stairs down to the basement, a closet on the wall to the right, alongside a washedryer setup. In the opposing corner is a small bar. This was definitely the mancave. The one thing that's missing is a pool table. The only trouble the basement has is…where are the stairs to the basement located? The space right under the stairs in the entryway is already occupied by the downstairs toilet, and the front of the house is already mapped from left to right: left wall -> entry hall -> living room -> window on the right wall. The only bits with space undefined/left is in the back right, as the kitchen's right wall has no windows or anything to indicate it's actually an outside wall, or the back left, with the unassigned door which may or may not be the backdoor obscuring things. The unassigned door has ventilation above it, and while I'm not sure, I presume it's common to have those above interior doors rather than exterior ones, so perhaps there is indeed another room back there. Especially if it's the entry to the basement, which has no windows or access to the outside for ventilation. Plus, the way the kitchen extends further back than the hallway in its establishing shot suggests there is room back there.
Lastly, let's move on to the upper floor.
The main thing we see on this floor is Luz's room, which is almost fully mapped by these shots, leaving just one corner unseen.
Luz's room
It has a bunk bed, a window on either side on both walls, a built-in closet with sliding door on the opposing wall, a small bookcase, and a desk under the right-most window. This is also where we run into the first definitive irreconcilable contradiction. You can see the slanted roof of the house here, with Luz's ceiling going up diagonally from the wall with the bookcase to the door at the back. However, in Yesterday's Lie, Vee jumps out of the desk window on the right, and comes out the shed window at the front of the Grove.
Vee yeeting out the window
Furthermore, we also have a shot at the end of the extended intro in Thanks to Them, where Luz sits at her desk on the right and directly sees the school bus arrive at the front.
School bus arrives
So, the ceiling says the desk window should be on the side of the Grove, but two instances say the window is at the front. There's sadly no way to reconcile this, so any future layout will have to compromise and pick one or the other. One thing that's clear though is that Luz's room has a front-facing wall. Whether that means her room is at the front-right corner or the front-left corner is up to us to pick.
The ceiling's slant in Luz's room should start a lot lower near the floor anyway, as the roof at the front slants down all the way to the bottom of the upper floor, along with the shed window being obvious from the inside, while in Luz's room the diagonal ceiling is only near the top, and the windows are both on flat walls. But of course, fitting in a bunk bed with that kind of ceiling is much more difficult for animators with these shots, so let's just let that slide.
Moving on, we also get a few shots of the upstairs hallway.
Upstairs hallway
Now, I definitely think this hallway has been stretched out in the right picture, namely to add in all the photos on the wall, so let's go with animation trickery and assume the length is shorter than this, otherwise it'll probably be wider than the entire house, length- or width-wise. We also have at least two doors on one side of the hall, possibly three since the door in the left picture is white, with the other door further back in the right picture being brown. There's also room behind the camera on the left for a door, as well as the stairs leading up to the hallway. There's no serious slant visible in the ceiling like in Luz's room, so the hallway isn't directly up against an outside wall, so that's one point off.
When it comes to Camilla's room we basically see nothing except the bed and the door, so nothing more to say about that.
Camila's room
Before I go ahead and show my first attempt at a complete floorplan, I'll also mention that we're missing a proper bathroom, so that's something that has to be around somewhere. Since there's at least three doors in the upstairs hallway, and convention, the bathroom will be upstairs.
There's also this inward corner in the back-left of the living room, and the kitchen doesn't have an alcove back there, so another room has to be back there. Though from all possible angles, no door can be seen. So apparently the Grove just has a hole in its center?
Unidentified empty space
Lastly, there's the already mentioned possible location of the basement stairs behind the door at the back of the hall. I'll leave out a highly possible attic space, as it's never shown, and adding it to the floorplan is pretty easy. Just a singular room with a collapsible ceiling ladder somewhere in the upstairs hallway.
With all this kept in mind, the floorplan that arises from this looks like this, though proportions can be altered a little:
Floorplans attempt 1
Some clarifications, I turned the mysterious gap in the center of the house into a pantry, with kitchen-access, even if there's no actual access visible in the show. The second doorway in the kitchen also directly leads into the living room, in the corner we can't see. A fireplace is also added, as there should be a chimney/fireplace around that location. The space behind the door at the back of the hall is turned into a room with access to the basement, though I can also see it containing the breaker box and that kind of stuff on the right wall.
For the basement, nothing more needs to be said, except yes, I did add the pool table. And for the upstairs, by making things fit with the parameters set with the ground floor, the additional space in the front-left corner becomes a home office (for Manny, rest in peace), with Luz's room at the front-right and her desk window becoming the shed window, and Camila's room at the back-right. Using up some of the remaining space for built-in closets, the potential third/middle door in the hallway becomes the missing bathroom, which is an en-suite here. Lastly, the remaining space in the back left just becomes more storage space.
So yeah, a few clunky things, but it works overall.
Now to tear this apart and point out all the inconsistencies I left out up until now.
This also means the hallway is oriented wrong, as none of the slanted roof can be seen at the back, which would be the case if the orientation was front to back. The upstairs hallway is depicted as being oriented from left to right, parallel to the rooftop, especially with the window at the end.
Speaking of windows, the sideview of the Grove's exterior shows there's no window near the front at the right-facing wall, even though the living room has a window at the right. No matter what, the living room is solidly depicted as being in the front-right corner of the house, making this missing living room window the second irreconcilable contradiction we've encountered so far.
Keeping up with windows, the exterior window in the back of the right-facing wall is nowhere to be seen in the actual floorplan, belonging to the kitchen, which has no window on that wall. Furthermore, the side of a neighbor's house is visible in the kitchen window, meaning that wall is side-facing. This means the kitchen is either in the back-left corner or the front-right corner, though the latter is already occupied by the living room, so if anything, the kitchen would be in the back-left.
And, as mentioned previously, there's absolutely no entry to this mysterious hole in the center of the floorplans in any of the interior shots.
Kitchen window inconsistency
Based on these floorplans, it should also be clear that the house stretches back more than it is wide, which doesn't match up well with the outside, where the layout is more square.
Oh, and I left out the biggest inconsistency so far.
You remember that second entry to the kitchen? The one with the door, not the one to the entry hall? The one I assigned to being a direct passage into the living room?
Yeah, there's a whole second hallway beyond there, one we never actually see from within in the show.
Surprise hallway!
So…big oversight on my part there.
With all these big inconsistencies pointed out though, barring the two irreconcilable ones, let's try again, and attempt to work out these kinks.
Rather than base things off the entryway, let's instead build things up on the ground floor around the kitchen, since that one had the biggest inconsistencies in attempt one.
Well, let's start with putting the kitchen at the left of the house, with the kitchen window facing left. We also still have the downstairs toilet across the hall from the opening, and we now also have this second hallway visible from the other door, which has a corner, if not a T-junction, right where the kitchen door is, and two doors, one for each wall of said corner.
A crude sketch of this arrangement looks like this:
Sketch of kitchen and hallway
We now have a weird mess of hallways and turns, but to further build on this, let's just connect the two bits of hallway we can see into one, which you'll see just below in the final floorplan.
Of course, the location of the entry hallway and the living room doesn't change whatsoever, so let's just go ahead and show my full second attempt:
Floorplans attempt 2
As you can see here, the new kitchen direction with adjacent hallway system, combined with the entryway and living room, fills up quite a bit of floorspace. That, and the downstairs toilet now neatly explains the back-left corner of the living room. Concerning the two additional doors visible in the second hallway, I've assigned one to the pantry, and the other to a small closet containing the breaker box.
The long stretch of hallway parallel to the right of the kitchen did create some empty space between the living room and the pantry, but I filled this up with a proper dining room. This also now happens to be the spot where the chimney/fireplace would be located, which seems very fitting.
The basement does not change in any significant way, besides needing to figure out where the basement stairs are, as the kitchen now occupies the space right behind the entry stairway. As the weird second hallway section seems to extend beyond the windowless kitchen wall, the implied space right beyond the kitchen is turned into the basement stairs. This also turns the whole basement by ninety degrees.
Lastly, there is the upstairs. As the placement of the staircase really does not change, the floorplan of the upstairs is not determined by that of the downstairs. In reality, the floorplan of the first attempt and that of the second attempt here could be interchanged if you fudged the proportions a little. Anyway, for this upstairs I collapsed the Luz Schrodinger's room wave function into the front-left corner state, meaning we're now adhering to the sloped roof visible in Luz's room rather than the desk window. I also gave the one corner that's never actually shown in the show an indent to give some room for the stairs to go up without the ceiling being in the way.
With her room in the front-left, this makes the hallway stretch from left-to-right, also solving that discrepancy discussed with the last attempt. Beyond that, I assigned the three visible doors upstairs to Luz's room, a hallway closet, and the home office (otherwise an empty space), with the shed window now being part of said office, and in the back there's Camila's room, a walk-in closet, and the en-suite bathroom to fill the remaining space.
All in all, a decently put together floorplan, I'd say. Now let's point out what's wrong with this one.
Speaking of windows, the one in Luz's room, above her low bookshelf, is not visible on the exterior, where only the shed windows are visible. Proportions just won't allow this shed window to belong to Luz's room, unless you fudge with things and make the other room on the front end be much thinner. At least there's now space for a window on the lower right wall near the back, which I added to the bit of hallway that reaches the right wall, between the dining room and pantry.
There are two glaring inconsistencies though, one being the fact the entrance hall no longer matches the one establishing shot, where the kitchen is visibly established as being oriented where its one window is facing the back. This kitchen window both facing the back of the house as well as showing one of the neighboring houses is the third irreconcilable contradiction.
Full entry hallway
The other big inconsistency involves the downstairs toilet, which happens to have a small window on the wall opposite the door. The stars are even visible through it.
Quantum tunneling toilet window
In this layout, this wall is an interior one, with the living room being on the other side. It seems this window is somehow capable of quantum tunneling to the exterior wall, which doesn't sound very realistic. (As an aside, I'll skip on figuring out a floorplan for the actual Owl House, citing magic as my excuse. That, or 'Hooty was feeling a little quirky with his insides that scene' when contradictory shots show up).
So, dear reader who's somehow found this post and read it to the end, which floorplan do you prefer, or think makes more sense? Keep in mind that you can swap the layouts for the upstairs between the two attempts as long as you adjust the proportions a little.
But that's enough out of me. I'll see you once the next side-tangent for fic writing hits and I put too much effort into it to not show it online.
submitted by Not_Mason_Pines to TheOwlHouse [link] [comments]
tl;dr, I tried to use the scenes we get to put together two possible floorplans for the Noceda residence, though, surprise surprise, there's no definitive answer.
Here's also an imgur album where all the sketches and combined screenshots scattered around this post are located. I'd suggest having all embeds open for this post's formatting's sake. If you instead want to read this post on tumblr, head here. Anyway.
Introduction
Alright, so we all know that houses in cartoons are innocuous suburban homes that inside are secretly eldritch shapeshifting nightmares hellbent on driving anyone trying to put together a definitive interior insane, answering only to the whims of the storyboarders. And typically, the longer a show runs and the more scenes we get inside a house, the more contradictions etc. build up. Thankfully, the Noceda residence, which I think I'll call Walnut Grove, or the Grove for short from here on out (since Noceda is losely translated to grove of walnut trees, and the Grove or Walnut Grove sounds like something people might name their house). Petering out sentence aside, thankfully we only see the inside of the Grove in a couple episodes: Camila's room in Enchanting Grom Fright's last scene, the living room in the ending scene of Keeping up A-fear-ances, several scenes of the kitchen and Luz's bedroom in Yesterday's Lie, the kitchen and entry hall at the end of King's Tide, Luz's room and the upstairs hallway in the epilogue, and of course every single room we know of in Thanks To Them.Since the scenes establishing the Grove's interior are mostly isolated to single rooms or all within one episode, hopefully the paradoxes and contradictions remain somewhat low. And of course, before we fully dive into things, this is not meant as a critique towards the show. Setting up a scene, joke, or otherwise, trumps a fully logical, realistic layout, and putting together a full floorplan prior to boarding or animating makes it almost impossible to account for any later rooms or more useful arrangements that are needed in the future.
So, with the introduction aside, let's first take a look at the exterior of Walnut Grove.
Walnut Grove exterior
The house is a quaint suburban home with two floors, possibly an attic, and (a later revealed) basement, with a forward-facing gable roof that has one shed-style dormer window at the front. There's a chimney off on the right, slightly off-center, and there's two windows on this side, one for each floor. The front door is to the left, along with six windows, two thinner ones on either side of the door and four big ones, though the second thin window is occasionally missing, such as in the picture above. There's no garage, just a driveway. The back and left-facing sides of the Grove are never seen, so they're a blank slate, though it's very likely there's a backdoor. The general dimensions of the house seem to have a comparable width to length, close to a square.
First attempt
With that out of the way, now for piecing together the actual inside. Let's have the first attempt start right at the front door, which opens up into the entry hall, where the staircase resides.Front door
In the second half of Thanks to Them, there's a perfect shot that shows the full entryway.
Full entry hallway
Here you can see the stairs on the left, a door on the left near the back of the stairs, a door all the way at the end with ventilation up top, and two openings on the right, one leading directly into the kitchen.
As a funny aside, in the extended intro in Thanks to Them there's a shot of the hall that looks like this, where the stairs have to be fit in a seriously thin slice on the left to not be visible.
Spaghettified staircase
Anyway, going counter-clockwise, the living room is easily established as being the first opening on the right of the hall (hard to see due to low lighting), the stairs are also visible from the living room. The majority of this room is occupied by drawers and small tables, plus a large sofa in the middle with a TV against the front wall. There's also a window off to the right.
Living room
The back right corner of the living room is never seen properly, nor is the front wall beyond a close-up shot of the TV, but the back left has this additional inward corner.
The other room visible in the prior establishing shot of the entry hall is the kitchen, being accessible through the second opening. These two opposing shots give a full view of the kitchen. There's a counter that runs along the back three walls, along with a kitchen island and a breakfast table on the other side. The microwave and stove top plus oven are on the left along with the fridge, and the sink's at the back.
Kitchen
The opening on the right of the second picture leads into the hallway, with the other exit being a regular door.
There's also a different angle where the opening is seen more clearly, with the room opposite the hall being the downstairs toilet. This also means the door on the left of the establishing shot of the entry hallway belongs to the downstairs toilet, leaving only the door at the back of the hall unaccounted for, though the presence of the window in the kitchen makes it very likely this is the backdoor, or something that leads into a small room that has the backdoor.
Kitchen view of toilet
And that should be all the known rooms on the ground floor done with. Here's a crude sketch for the layout (not necessarily to scale):
Sketch of downstairs
Before making anything more definitive, let's move on to the other two floors. First, the basement is probably the easiest and most well-defined. These two opposing shots map out the majority of it.
Basement
There's a small work station and a sofa seated up against the stairs down to the basement, a closet on the wall to the right, alongside a washedryer setup. In the opposing corner is a small bar. This was definitely the mancave. The one thing that's missing is a pool table. The only trouble the basement has is…where are the stairs to the basement located? The space right under the stairs in the entryway is already occupied by the downstairs toilet, and the front of the house is already mapped from left to right: left wall -> entry hall -> living room -> window on the right wall. The only bits with space undefined/left is in the back right, as the kitchen's right wall has no windows or anything to indicate it's actually an outside wall, or the back left, with the unassigned door which may or may not be the backdoor obscuring things. The unassigned door has ventilation above it, and while I'm not sure, I presume it's common to have those above interior doors rather than exterior ones, so perhaps there is indeed another room back there. Especially if it's the entry to the basement, which has no windows or access to the outside for ventilation. Plus, the way the kitchen extends further back than the hallway in its establishing shot suggests there is room back there.
Lastly, let's move on to the upper floor.
The main thing we see on this floor is Luz's room, which is almost fully mapped by these shots, leaving just one corner unseen.
Luz's room
It has a bunk bed, a window on either side on both walls, a built-in closet with sliding door on the opposing wall, a small bookcase, and a desk under the right-most window. This is also where we run into the first definitive irreconcilable contradiction. You can see the slanted roof of the house here, with Luz's ceiling going up diagonally from the wall with the bookcase to the door at the back. However, in Yesterday's Lie, Vee jumps out of the desk window on the right, and comes out the shed window at the front of the Grove.
Vee yeeting out the window
Furthermore, we also have a shot at the end of the extended intro in Thanks to Them, where Luz sits at her desk on the right and directly sees the school bus arrive at the front.
School bus arrives
So, the ceiling says the desk window should be on the side of the Grove, but two instances say the window is at the front. There's sadly no way to reconcile this, so any future layout will have to compromise and pick one or the other. One thing that's clear though is that Luz's room has a front-facing wall. Whether that means her room is at the front-right corner or the front-left corner is up to us to pick.
The ceiling's slant in Luz's room should start a lot lower near the floor anyway, as the roof at the front slants down all the way to the bottom of the upper floor, along with the shed window being obvious from the inside, while in Luz's room the diagonal ceiling is only near the top, and the windows are both on flat walls. But of course, fitting in a bunk bed with that kind of ceiling is much more difficult for animators with these shots, so let's just let that slide.
Moving on, we also get a few shots of the upstairs hallway.
Upstairs hallway
Now, I definitely think this hallway has been stretched out in the right picture, namely to add in all the photos on the wall, so let's go with animation trickery and assume the length is shorter than this, otherwise it'll probably be wider than the entire house, length- or width-wise. We also have at least two doors on one side of the hall, possibly three since the door in the left picture is white, with the other door further back in the right picture being brown. There's also room behind the camera on the left for a door, as well as the stairs leading up to the hallway. There's no serious slant visible in the ceiling like in Luz's room, so the hallway isn't directly up against an outside wall, so that's one point off.
When it comes to Camilla's room we basically see nothing except the bed and the door, so nothing more to say about that.
Camila's room
Before I go ahead and show my first attempt at a complete floorplan, I'll also mention that we're missing a proper bathroom, so that's something that has to be around somewhere. Since there's at least three doors in the upstairs hallway, and convention, the bathroom will be upstairs.
There's also this inward corner in the back-left of the living room, and the kitchen doesn't have an alcove back there, so another room has to be back there. Though from all possible angles, no door can be seen. So apparently the Grove just has a hole in its center?
Unidentified empty space
Lastly, there's the already mentioned possible location of the basement stairs behind the door at the back of the hall. I'll leave out a highly possible attic space, as it's never shown, and adding it to the floorplan is pretty easy. Just a singular room with a collapsible ceiling ladder somewhere in the upstairs hallway.
With all this kept in mind, the floorplan that arises from this looks like this, though proportions can be altered a little:
Floorplans attempt 1
Some clarifications, I turned the mysterious gap in the center of the house into a pantry, with kitchen-access, even if there's no actual access visible in the show. The second doorway in the kitchen also directly leads into the living room, in the corner we can't see. A fireplace is also added, as there should be a chimney/fireplace around that location. The space behind the door at the back of the hall is turned into a room with access to the basement, though I can also see it containing the breaker box and that kind of stuff on the right wall.
For the basement, nothing more needs to be said, except yes, I did add the pool table. And for the upstairs, by making things fit with the parameters set with the ground floor, the additional space in the front-left corner becomes a home office (for Manny, rest in peace), with Luz's room at the front-right and her desk window becoming the shed window, and Camila's room at the back-right. Using up some of the remaining space for built-in closets, the potential third/middle door in the hallway becomes the missing bathroom, which is an en-suite here. Lastly, the remaining space in the back left just becomes more storage space.
So yeah, a few clunky things, but it works overall.
Now to tear this apart and point out all the inconsistencies I left out up until now.
The inconsistencies #1
Obviously, Luz's room is a Schrodinger's room that's in either the front-left corner state or the front-right corner state. For the sake of illustrating both options, I collapsed the wave function into front-right for this attempt, but I'll get back to the other state in a bit.This also means the hallway is oriented wrong, as none of the slanted roof can be seen at the back, which would be the case if the orientation was front to back. The upstairs hallway is depicted as being oriented from left to right, parallel to the rooftop, especially with the window at the end.
Speaking of windows, the sideview of the Grove's exterior shows there's no window near the front at the right-facing wall, even though the living room has a window at the right. No matter what, the living room is solidly depicted as being in the front-right corner of the house, making this missing living room window the second irreconcilable contradiction we've encountered so far.
Keeping up with windows, the exterior window in the back of the right-facing wall is nowhere to be seen in the actual floorplan, belonging to the kitchen, which has no window on that wall. Furthermore, the side of a neighbor's house is visible in the kitchen window, meaning that wall is side-facing. This means the kitchen is either in the back-left corner or the front-right corner, though the latter is already occupied by the living room, so if anything, the kitchen would be in the back-left.
And, as mentioned previously, there's absolutely no entry to this mysterious hole in the center of the floorplans in any of the interior shots.
Kitchen window inconsistency
Based on these floorplans, it should also be clear that the house stretches back more than it is wide, which doesn't match up well with the outside, where the layout is more square.
Oh, and I left out the biggest inconsistency so far.
You remember that second entry to the kitchen? The one with the door, not the one to the entry hall? The one I assigned to being a direct passage into the living room?
Yeah, there's a whole second hallway beyond there, one we never actually see from within in the show.
Surprise hallway!
So…big oversight on my part there.
With all these big inconsistencies pointed out though, barring the two irreconcilable ones, let's try again, and attempt to work out these kinks.
Second attempt
I'll spare you the same pictures of the rooms again, so let's get to the meat of this second attempt.Rather than base things off the entryway, let's instead build things up on the ground floor around the kitchen, since that one had the biggest inconsistencies in attempt one.
Well, let's start with putting the kitchen at the left of the house, with the kitchen window facing left. We also still have the downstairs toilet across the hall from the opening, and we now also have this second hallway visible from the other door, which has a corner, if not a T-junction, right where the kitchen door is, and two doors, one for each wall of said corner.
A crude sketch of this arrangement looks like this:
Sketch of kitchen and hallway
We now have a weird mess of hallways and turns, but to further build on this, let's just connect the two bits of hallway we can see into one, which you'll see just below in the final floorplan.
Of course, the location of the entry hallway and the living room doesn't change whatsoever, so let's just go ahead and show my full second attempt:
Floorplans attempt 2
As you can see here, the new kitchen direction with adjacent hallway system, combined with the entryway and living room, fills up quite a bit of floorspace. That, and the downstairs toilet now neatly explains the back-left corner of the living room. Concerning the two additional doors visible in the second hallway, I've assigned one to the pantry, and the other to a small closet containing the breaker box.
The long stretch of hallway parallel to the right of the kitchen did create some empty space between the living room and the pantry, but I filled this up with a proper dining room. This also now happens to be the spot where the chimney/fireplace would be located, which seems very fitting.
The basement does not change in any significant way, besides needing to figure out where the basement stairs are, as the kitchen now occupies the space right behind the entry stairway. As the weird second hallway section seems to extend beyond the windowless kitchen wall, the implied space right beyond the kitchen is turned into the basement stairs. This also turns the whole basement by ninety degrees.
Lastly, there is the upstairs. As the placement of the staircase really does not change, the floorplan of the upstairs is not determined by that of the downstairs. In reality, the floorplan of the first attempt and that of the second attempt here could be interchanged if you fudged the proportions a little. Anyway, for this upstairs I collapsed the Luz Schrodinger's room wave function into the front-left corner state, meaning we're now adhering to the sloped roof visible in Luz's room rather than the desk window. I also gave the one corner that's never actually shown in the show an indent to give some room for the stairs to go up without the ceiling being in the way.
With her room in the front-left, this makes the hallway stretch from left-to-right, also solving that discrepancy discussed with the last attempt. Beyond that, I assigned the three visible doors upstairs to Luz's room, a hallway closet, and the home office (otherwise an empty space), with the shed window now being part of said office, and in the back there's Camila's room, a walk-in closet, and the en-suite bathroom to fill the remaining space.
All in all, a decently put together floorplan, I'd say. Now let's point out what's wrong with this one.
The inconsistencies #2
Let's get the obvious ones out of the way. Luz's desk window now doesn't face the front anymore, but this was one of two irreconcilable contradictions anyway. The other one is the lack of a living room window on the right side of the house, which again can't be fixed.Speaking of windows, the one in Luz's room, above her low bookshelf, is not visible on the exterior, where only the shed windows are visible. Proportions just won't allow this shed window to belong to Luz's room, unless you fudge with things and make the other room on the front end be much thinner. At least there's now space for a window on the lower right wall near the back, which I added to the bit of hallway that reaches the right wall, between the dining room and pantry.
There are two glaring inconsistencies though, one being the fact the entrance hall no longer matches the one establishing shot, where the kitchen is visibly established as being oriented where its one window is facing the back. This kitchen window both facing the back of the house as well as showing one of the neighboring houses is the third irreconcilable contradiction.
Full entry hallway
The other big inconsistency involves the downstairs toilet, which happens to have a small window on the wall opposite the door. The stars are even visible through it.
Quantum tunneling toilet window
In this layout, this wall is an interior one, with the living room being on the other side. It seems this window is somehow capable of quantum tunneling to the exterior wall, which doesn't sound very realistic. (As an aside, I'll skip on figuring out a floorplan for the actual Owl House, citing magic as my excuse. That, or 'Hooty was feeling a little quirky with his insides that scene' when contradictory shots show up).
Concluding remarks
In general, the Noceda residence is decently well established, and does not have too many irreconcilable contradictions, as hoped for predicted in the introduction. Trust me, other cartoon houses are notorious for being extremely inconsistent in their depictions.- Luz's desk window suggests her room plus upstairs hallway stretch front-to-back, but the ceilings of her room and hallway show they stretch left-to-right.
- The kitchen window is facing left, but the entry hall and kitchen are established to face front-to-back.
- The living room is established to be in the front-right corner, but the window visible on the right wall is absent on the outside.
So, dear reader who's somehow found this post and read it to the end, which floorplan do you prefer, or think makes more sense? Keep in mind that you can swap the layouts for the upstairs between the two attempts as long as you adjust the proportions a little.
But that's enough out of me. I'll see you once the next side-tangent for fic writing hits and I put too much effort into it to not show it online.
2024.05.11 21:00 Seminoles1995 Deck with roof
 | Back porch renovation submitted by Seminoles1995 to Decks [link] [comments] I am stumped. I have 6 months to knock out a kick ass back porch (til our first baby comes). After that we won’t be able to finish many projects. The house was in rough shape before so forgive the look. I’m desperate to get this thing going. I am going to be doing a back patio out of wood. I am planning to build it the length of the shed. I am going to be moving the door to the door sized unpainted area so it’ll walk right out to the wood patio. I drew it up in the picture. My biggest issue is the roof of the porch. I’d like to do a solid roof so we could sit out in the rain (we’re in Florida). However, I’m open to a pergola. My thoughts is to run the length of the lines in the picture with obviously 2 supporting 6x6 posts on the closer open section near the yard and 3 supporting 6x6 posts on the longer portion parallel. I’m planning on having the beam closer to the yard being the start of the slope and then sloping back. Florida code is 1/4” slope to-12”. I am planning on having a ledger board along all points on the house and along the truss studs after I take off the fascia. The posts are going to be holding most of the weight of the beams. I didn’t draw them in the picture. Here are the measurements. 19’ from house to shed (larger) 16’ length of shed 10’ width of roof (2 1/2” slope on roof would be code) 15’ from house to shed (smaller) Any help or opinions would be greatly appreciated. |
2024.05.11 18:48 Seminoles1995 Back porch renovation
 | I am stumped. I have 6 months to knock out a kick ass back porch (til our first baby comes). After that we won’t be able to finish many projects. The house was in rough shape before so forgive the look. I’m desperate to get this thing going. submitted by Seminoles1995 to DIY [link] [comments] I am going to be doing a back patio out of wood. I am planning to build it the length of the shed. I am going to be moving the door to the door sized unpainted area so it’ll walk right out to the wood patio. I drew it up in the picture. My biggest issue is the roof of the porch. I’d like to do a solid roof so we could sit out in the rain (we’re in Florida). However, I’m open to a pergola. My thoughts is to run the length of the lines in the picture with obviously 2 supporting 6x6 posts on the closer open section near the yard and 3 supporting 6x6 posts on the longer portion parallel. I’m planning on having the beam closer to the yard being the start of the slope and then sloping back. Florida code is 1/4” slope to-12”. I am planning on having a ledger board along all points on the house and along the truss studs after I take off the fascia. The posts are going to be holding most of the weight of the beams. I didn’t draw them in the picture. Here are the measurements. 19’ from house to shed (larger) 16’ length of shed 10’ width of roof (2 1/2” slope on roof would be code) 15’ from house to shed (smaller) Any help or opinions would be greatly appreciated. |
2024.05.11 15:52 SpacePaladin15 The Nature of Predators 2-35
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Star Crossed [Multiple Free Sample Chapters] Patreon Subreddit Discord Paperback NOP2 Species Lore
It was unspeakably cold throughout every nerve. I could feel the power leaving the breaths from my lungs, and the life leaking out onto the floor below. It was slipping away so quickly, a rapid drain from my insides. Multiple wounds had perforated my abdomen—life was so fragile. I tried to claw my way up, to find something to say, but shock was taking over. I was hanging onto consciousness by a thread.
The governor had to know. What would become of the galaxy and humanity in my stead? There had to be something better than this: a sudden eruption of violence and outrage. I had so many regrets, not the least of which was what happened to Earth.
I begged her to reach out, and find peace with the Arxur. I could feel her touch on the back of my head, but it was distant. Fading fast. Spend the final strength to make eye contact, to see what she sees.
The Venlil’s own blood was mixing with mine; there was a glaze in her eyes, almost masking the concern with remoteness. She had been a good friend to us, and I hated that she’d been hurt for it. I wondered if Tarva, like all the rest of her kind, thought we were animals now. My fear of what came next warred with my desire to fight for a cause. I could feel my blood pressure dropping, and the shallowness of my lungs trying to draw air. Was there life after death, or just eternal nothing? How would it feel?
Death was inevitable, of course, but I always assumed that I had more time. I didn’t want my person, my self, to be gone into the wind. Everything that I was and perceived would be nothing for all eternity. The only solace I could find was the thin hope that the future would be better—that something would change.
Darkness. A prison. Eyes sealed, never opening again. Irresistible to just rest—so unspeakably tired. So weary of my burdens and this world.
It’s as if I’m leaving my body, stepping out of it. Peaceful, and frigid as ice. There is no sensation.
There was a crack of light in my visual field, illuminating the darkness of unconsciousness. It batted away the gloom, as an unspeakable calm washed over me. Memories and faces of people long gone rapid-fired past me. I saw my grandmother knitting on the porch, smiling at me with a face I thought I’d forgotten. The moment that I’d been elected to the United Nations’ highest office, full of youth and fervor. The ideas and fire for peace all rushing back in an instant; I would’ve teared up if I had any connection to my body.
My parents stood side-by-side in the effervescent glow, pride in their pupils. There was a warmth in their gaze, and I could feel that it was all going to be okay. My concerns for the world slipped away; it was a place I no longer belonged to. It was time to heed the Reaper’s call, to join the sea of faces in the Great Beyond. I would be safe and at rest here.
A final moment of acceptance, of triumphant euphoria. The grand finale, the last gasps of consciousness. Then, there’s emptiness. The lights are dimmed, as it all slips into a place where nothing exists, and nothing ever will. My will, and ability to process, snatched from my fingers. I was no more.
A cold, dark, absence of personhood was all left behind when the embers settled. Time was a concept for a living; there were no thoughts abuzz in the mind, or cognizance of the experience at all. This was the end of everything.
Memory Transcription Subject: Elias Meier, Former UN Secretary-General
Date [standardized human time]: July 6, 2160
The sensation was as if the lights had been turned back on in a cobwebbed attic, after decades of disuse. The fog was choking, when the spark poked through a dormancy that couldn’t be described. I only had words to express the ever-after once the gears were back in motion. To say that I felt startled and disoriented was an understatement. Nothing seemed right either: sensation was an uncanny mess. I willed my fingers to move, but they felt alien, rather than anything like being my own.
I died. I…it’s hard to remember. The doctors must’ve resuscitated me or something, but the peek behind the curtain felt so real. Why was I even afraid of dying? The serenity was unmatched.
It took a moment for the world to come into focus, but there was a strangeness to processing the digital input. It felt as though visuals were being beamed to my mind, while my eyes were a mere decoy—even while they tried to mimic the real thing. The touch felt more like a vibration underneath saying something was connecting with my skin. Additionally, there was so much that I couldn’t pick up: saliva in my mouth, thirst or hunger, the temperature of the room, any aspect of breathing, or the normally-unnoticed sensation of blinking. Where was the pain too? Even with drugs, I had sustained a severe injury.
Perhaps this was the afterlife, and I was in fact dead. There was no feeling of being a real, flesh-and-blood human being.
“Hi, Elias.” The feeling of the translator’s mind-warping was familiar at least, suggesting that I wasn’t in the afterlife—unless there was a shared eternal paradise. I commanded my pupils to turn toward the voice, despite how forced and unnatural it felt. Fear signals knocked at my skull, as I spotted a talking ant-spider standing inches from my face; reflex almost took over to swing at him. “My name is Virnt. How are you feeling?”
I shied away from him, trying to swallow—nothing. “I can’t swallow. What the fuck? Where am I? What have you done to me? What are you?”
“I told you not to get right up in his face, Virnt,” a human voice said, hovering beside some holographic screen. Recognizing my own species calmed me a bit, since I was well aware how brutal aliens could be to predators. “I’ve known you since you were a child, and Tilfish still give me the heebie-jeebies sometimes.”
He’s known Virnt since childhood? How fast do these Tilfish grow up?
“I’m sorry. I was just extremely excited about the project, and the implications; I wanted to know how he’d react and handle it. I can give you a moment, Elias, or let you speak to someone else,” Virnt rambled.
My eyes darted around, wariness and unease settling in. “No, it’s okay. Just please, tell me what happened—what is going on, and…where we are. I am…almost certain I died.”
“You did. However, post-mortem, the Venlil did a scan on you—thoroughly imaging your brain. This is a Terra Technologies research lab. We replicated everything that made you yourself, down to an exact science. You have a new lease on life, with true synthetic immortality! I’m sure this feels strange, but I assure you, this version of you possesses all of your attributes, memories, and neural connections—we wanted you to be the same.”
That revelation was like a gutpunch, hearing that I was some…photocopy of Elias Meier, and that the genuine human being had passed away on the streets of Venlil Prime. I threw my legs over the bed in a blinding panic, trying to figure out what the hell I was. My brain—thought processor, I supposed—refused to accept that what I was feeling wasn’t real. The Tilfish scuttled after me as I sprinted toward a bathroom, on legs that worked, yet felt like unfinished emulations. My gaze locked on the mirror, and I stared at the familiar face. The visage was impressively lifelike: an accurate image of my true self, not some metal husk or a phony thing.
Maybe I should cut the skin, and see what’s underneath it—it’s just wires. I don’t like this one bit. Nope, nope, nope.
“Please don’t harm yourself!” Virnt blurted, somehow reading my mind. That I liked even less, and I was beginning to feel like a caged animal, or better yet, an amoeba under a microscope. I wanted to make this stop; it was a nightmare I desperately wanted to end. “Breathe…er, I mean, relax. I’ll tell you whatever you want to know.”
I tried to draw in a breath, but some emulator of my voice was all that responded. “Get out of my head!”
“I’m sorry about that. We’re trying to monitor your experiences for quality assurance, and to make corrections so this is less jarring for you. We can read any person’s mind live now; we’re just skipping the extra steps with your program.”
“What year is it? We didn’t have anything like this. And why have you done this to me?”
“It’s 2160. It’s been 24 years since you passed on, which is a long time, but…not as distant as it could have been! This technology could change everything. Our lives are so short, but they don’t have to be. Whether you want this or not, you know that many people do.”
24 years. I thought it’d be longer, but that’s something. I’m amazed that humanity is alive too; they’re tampering with dangerous realms. Fields that should’ve been left untouched.
Beset by a mismatch of emotions, I returned back to a chair, cradling my head in my hands. The last time I remembered crying was when the first bombs struck Earth; not that those even were my memories. This was overwhelming enough that I wanted to break down, but there were no tears in my unblinking eyes. God, I’d really have a predator stare now. I wished I could seal my cursed gaze shut, and fade unaware back into the dark. Thanks to the utter lack of breathing, there were also the faint cues that I was suffocating; the more time progressed, the more strongly it felt like I was constantly holding my breath while diving underwater. In the surreality of my present form, it was all I could do not to scream and succumb to mania.
You want to read my mind, Virnt? I never asked for, or agreed to this. I think you should’ve let me rest in peace.
The Tilfish’s antennae scrunched in a display of concern. “We’re planning to make adjustments so you’ll be more comfortable: it’s a learning process, for all those who’ll come next! If you really don’t want to be involved…we can shut off your program, Elias. I only wanted to give a hero of humanity a new lease on life.”
“Is that why you chose me?” Damn self-preservation. This is horrid, yet I don’t want to die again: to return to non-existence. I tried not to focus on what was missing from the current stimuli, and to train my thoughts on what he was saying. Through the blame, in my addled faculties, I felt a flicker of sympathy. “Because you think I…deserve better?”
“I have a lot of reasons, but that’s one of them. Look, now that this technology is out there, people are going to use it. I want it to be done right—humanely. You’re the right person to speak to the galactic community, and lobby for ethical standards and civil liberties. Where digital minds can be installed, minimum standards for comfort, and citizenship privileges.”
I cast a cold stare at them. “Can you turn me off at will? Control this body remotely?”
“I assure you, we won’t do that. It’d be the same thing as the murder or coercion of any other sapient—and I hope you believe I wouldn’t do that.”
The human from earlier spoke in a raspy voice that sounded a bit wild, yet distinctly familiar. He sported a welding mask, obscuring his features. “You’re free of so many of the burdens of being human: ones that I dream of escaping. You can change your face if it disgusts you, and you can’t feel pain. Your brain, your body, won’t break…and we never have to lose anyone again. Don’t you see the chance you’ve been given?”
My facial cues seemed responsive, down to the most minuscule muscles; I slanted my eyebrows inward. “I know you. Your voice.”
“No, you don’t. It’s understandable with all this that you’re latching onto anything familiar. Chalk it up as a technical glitch and move on.”
“It’s not that, Marcel Fraser. It might have been decades to you, but it's been two weeks since I remember speaking to you and your friend.”
“You’re delusional! That person died years ago,” he hissed. His hands flew upward, before he stormed out of the room with an exasperated huff.
I turned toward Virnt, frowning. “With everything going on, I don’t appreciate the attempt to gaslight me. I know that was him. What happened?”
“A single-minded focus on bringing back that friend,” the Tilfish sighed. “It’s a long story. I apologize for his behavior. I assure you, I have no intentions of violating your autonomy, or doing anything other than helping you acclimate.”
“I feel half-human at best,” I groaned. “You’ve got to make some changes.”
“We can make improvements. Give it a few days to see what you adjust to, and what’s vital to enter in; the only features missing are things that don’t add much to the human experience. You can choose to end this at any time, but what’s the harm in giving it a shot? What do you say?”
I mulled it over, circling back to how it’d felt when my brain gave out; I was the only being that could describe what it was like on the other side. After a short duration of having returned to the physical world, being shut down was a frightening prospect. It wasn’t like I’d expected to wake back up, but this was a second chance that could also be given to many others. Why would I waste a chance to help humanity, and to see what the world had become? Others would suffer as I was now, if I wasn’t the one willing to stick it out and iron out the rough edges. This might be opening Pandora’s Box, but as Virnt pointed out, it wasn’t like it could be sealed shut again.
Someone will have to be the guinea pig, but maybe I can steer this technology toward being a force for positive change. It is remarkable how far we’ve come in such a short time.
“Well, I would like to hear what’s become of humanity, and frankly, how the hell we managed to survive. Things looked pretty bleak in my last days,” I responded aloud. “I’d also like to hear all of your reasons for reviving me. That implied there were quite a few, and I want all your cards on the table.”
“Not getting anything by you, am I?” The Tilfish’s mandibles clacked, apparently a laughing gesture. His compound eyes focused on me. “One thing at a time. There was a lot that happened, or was discovered, after your…untimely demise. For starters, we learned you humans were hardly the only omnivores.”
That got my unyielding attention, as I couldn’t believe what I heard. “What?!”
“…yeah. The Federation ‘cured’ any meat-eaters, which means they genetically installed allergies to animal flesh, and then overhauled their culture to fit their ideology. My species is one of the former omnivores, and I chose to go back to it since I moved to Earth as soon as I reached adulthood. I sort of have an obsession with humans and how you work.”
“Um, noted.” I took a moment to digest what he just said; somehow, being talked about like nothing more than machinery wasn’t the most shocking element. I’d have to get used to that, at any rate, since I was a literal machine now. “They hated omnivores. They…wanted us dead for being predators. Oh God, did they cure humanity?!”
“What? No! It was more that it proved your buddy Isif’s side of things. Their starvation attempts went far beyond you and the Arxur—you were just the failures. I mean, they did try to cure some abducted humans in the mid-twentieth century—”
“I beg your pardon?!”
“Don’t worry, the Farsul failed for centuries because they couldn’t figure out B12 deficiency. Oh, and to be clear, they targeted real herbivores too. You should see what the Venlil look like now that humanity uncrippled them. They’re quite the opposite of the skittish species you knew! Would you like to see a picture of Tarva’s unmodded daughter?”
The gears in my head were grinding to a halt, as the information overload was beating me down. “Yeah. Sure. Why the fuck not?”
Virnt handed me a holopad, revealing an image of a much older Governor Tarva; her snout fur was turning white. The human she was with made me do a double take, as I recognized a graying Ambassador Noah Williams cozied up next to her*.* That made me re-evaluate exactly why Tarva had requested the astronaut who made first contact as our ambassador, despite how nervous she’d been around him in the initial stages. I didn’t know if robots could get whiplash, but I was definitely feeling it. My focus shifted to two fully grown children, one human and one…Venlil? The young female had a nose on her snout, and was wearing running shoes at the end of perfectly straight legs.
“Ah, send the Governor and the Ambassador my regards,” I managed. “If it wouldn’t weird them out too much. I…I would love to get in touch.”
Virnt took his holopad back, compound eyes gleaming. “You’ll be able to contact anyone you like. Sorry for giving you ‘robot whiplash,’ Elias; just trying to fill you in. Long story, we found out that, that the Feds were hiding their true power to appear weak, and were colluding with the Arxur to keep the war going forever. Humanity fought to get an alliance, and with lots of help, took the conspiracy down. The end!”
“Right…so we won. We took down the Federation. Then what?”
“The Federation splintered into many groups. Humanity leads a group of eighty-odd species called the Sapient Coalition, trying to plant the seeds of peace and equality. However, we…we presently need help from the other parties, to stand with us. Not to alarm you, but there seems to be a malevolent entity just outside our space, and our clashes with them don’t bode well.”
A sense of dread festered within my mind, an all too familiar sensation. “Who exactly is this malevolent entity?”
“We don’t know; they shoot everything that moves, and we think they perpetrated a genocide against another predator species’ homeworld. I’ll get you briefed on specifics, but it’s bad news. So we need everyone, from the neutral Shield, the maligned-but-reformed Arxur, and the predator-hating Federation-lite to team up. That's the main reason the UN wants you back in the game.”
I pointed a finger at my chest, scoffing. “What on Earth does that have to do with me?”
“You have goodwill with just about everyone, including the Arxur, you’re used to assuaging predator fears, and you’re practiced at getting help in impossible circumstances. Elias, you were a diplomat that wanted peace, but made the hard decisions.”
“I am a cyborg replica of myself, and you think anyone would want to parlay with me, in this state?”
“It’ll be tough for the Fed loyalists to worry about your instincts, when you don’t eat and can’t feel hunger.”
“The Federation thinks hunting is hardwired into our brains, Virnt. This is all too much. I…I want to be alone. Please.”
The Tilfish patted my hand with a grasper, before moving away. “Of course. Take all the time you need; think it through. Let yourself get accustomed to everything I threw at you. I’ll be a short scuttle away.”
As soon as the insectoid departed from the room, I searched for anything to cover my eyes, ensuring that I could see only shadows. The changes since my timeframe of reference were drastic, though there were a few things I could take solace in. Humanity finding friends and a place in the galaxy, as well as vanquishing the immediate threats of bigotry, were positives. The fact that Chief Hunter Isif had let Earth return to full autonomy, and succeeded in his ideals of reforming the Arxur, meant that my deathbed wish had come true. It was peace between the Dominion and preyfolk, but it was understandable that there wasn’t acceptance or immediate forgiveness.
The dagger to my heart was hearing of a new war, the anti-predator madness starting all over again. I hadn’t been able to fully spare Earth, despite my best efforts to make us palatable to the Federation maniacs. If this was a do-over at keeping my people safe, before this war spilled onto our doorstep, I would give it my best. However, with how strained my sanity was right now, I hoped that I could hold onto my sense of self. With no wild claims to distract me, I fell into taking inventory of everything that was missing. There was no feeling from where my tongue rested against the roof of my mouth, no scents in the air, and an absolute stillness where my stomach should be rising or falling.
Like Virnt so aptly mentioned, I had no feelings of hunger or fullness at all, because the only insides I had now were metal rods and wires. My hands snatched the pillow with the last semblance of control, and I screamed—perhaps hoping to run my voice ragged, like a human would, but that was ineffectual as well. With attempts to regain any sense of normalcy or being alive rebuffed, I fell into a defeated, tormented silence.
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Star Crossed [Multiple Free Sample Chapters] Patreon Subreddit Discord Paperback NOP2 Species Lore
It was unspeakably cold throughout every nerve. I could feel the power leaving the breaths from my lungs, and the life leaking out onto the floor below. It was slipping away so quickly, a rapid drain from my insides. Multiple wounds had perforated my abdomen—life was so fragile. I tried to claw my way up, to find something to say, but shock was taking over. I was hanging onto consciousness by a thread.
The governor had to know. What would become of the galaxy and humanity in my stead? There had to be something better than this: a sudden eruption of violence and outrage. I had so many regrets, not the least of which was what happened to Earth.
I begged her to reach out, and find peace with the Arxur. I could feel her touch on the back of my head, but it was distant. Fading fast. Spend the final strength to make eye contact, to see what she sees.
The Venlil’s own blood was mixing with mine; there was a glaze in her eyes, almost masking the concern with remoteness. She had been a good friend to us, and I hated that she’d been hurt for it. I wondered if Tarva, like all the rest of her kind, thought we were animals now. My fear of what came next warred with my desire to fight for a cause. I could feel my blood pressure dropping, and the shallowness of my lungs trying to draw air. Was there life after death, or just eternal nothing? How would it feel?
Death was inevitable, of course, but I always assumed that I had more time. I didn’t want my person, my self, to be gone into the wind. Everything that I was and perceived would be nothing for all eternity. The only solace I could find was the thin hope that the future would be better—that something would change.
Darkness. A prison. Eyes sealed, never opening again. Irresistible to just rest—so unspeakably tired. So weary of my burdens and this world.
It’s as if I’m leaving my body, stepping out of it. Peaceful, and frigid as ice. There is no sensation.
There was a crack of light in my visual field, illuminating the darkness of unconsciousness. It batted away the gloom, as an unspeakable calm washed over me. Memories and faces of people long gone rapid-fired past me. I saw my grandmother knitting on the porch, smiling at me with a face I thought I’d forgotten. The moment that I’d been elected to the United Nations’ highest office, full of youth and fervor. The ideas and fire for peace all rushing back in an instant; I would’ve teared up if I had any connection to my body.
My parents stood side-by-side in the effervescent glow, pride in their pupils. There was a warmth in their gaze, and I could feel that it was all going to be okay. My concerns for the world slipped away; it was a place I no longer belonged to. It was time to heed the Reaper’s call, to join the sea of faces in the Great Beyond. I would be safe and at rest here.
A final moment of acceptance, of triumphant euphoria. The grand finale, the last gasps of consciousness. Then, there’s emptiness. The lights are dimmed, as it all slips into a place where nothing exists, and nothing ever will. My will, and ability to process, snatched from my fingers. I was no more.
A cold, dark, absence of personhood was all left behind when the embers settled. Time was a concept for a living; there were no thoughts abuzz in the mind, or cognizance of the experience at all. This was the end of everything.
Memory Transcription Subject: Elias Meier, Former UN Secretary-General
Date [standardized human time]: July 6, 2160
The sensation was as if the lights had been turned back on in a cobwebbed attic, after decades of disuse. The fog was choking, when the spark poked through a dormancy that couldn’t be described. I only had words to express the ever-after once the gears were back in motion. To say that I felt startled and disoriented was an understatement. Nothing seemed right either: sensation was an uncanny mess. I willed my fingers to move, but they felt alien, rather than anything like being my own.
I died. I…it’s hard to remember. The doctors must’ve resuscitated me or something, but the peek behind the curtain felt so real. Why was I even afraid of dying? The serenity was unmatched.
It took a moment for the world to come into focus, but there was a strangeness to processing the digital input. It felt as though visuals were being beamed to my mind, while my eyes were a mere decoy—even while they tried to mimic the real thing. The touch felt more like a vibration underneath saying something was connecting with my skin. Additionally, there was so much that I couldn’t pick up: saliva in my mouth, thirst or hunger, the temperature of the room, any aspect of breathing, or the normally-unnoticed sensation of blinking. Where was the pain too? Even with drugs, I had sustained a severe injury.
Perhaps this was the afterlife, and I was in fact dead. There was no feeling of being a real, flesh-and-blood human being.
“Hi, Elias.” The feeling of the translator’s mind-warping was familiar at least, suggesting that I wasn’t in the afterlife—unless there was a shared eternal paradise. I commanded my pupils to turn toward the voice, despite how forced and unnatural it felt. Fear signals knocked at my skull, as I spotted a talking ant-spider standing inches from my face; reflex almost took over to swing at him. “My name is Virnt. How are you feeling?”
I shied away from him, trying to swallow—nothing. “I can’t swallow. What the fuck? Where am I? What have you done to me? What are you?”
“I told you not to get right up in his face, Virnt,” a human voice said, hovering beside some holographic screen. Recognizing my own species calmed me a bit, since I was well aware how brutal aliens could be to predators. “I’ve known you since you were a child, and Tilfish still give me the heebie-jeebies sometimes.”
He’s known Virnt since childhood? How fast do these Tilfish grow up?
“I’m sorry. I was just extremely excited about the project, and the implications; I wanted to know how he’d react and handle it. I can give you a moment, Elias, or let you speak to someone else,” Virnt rambled.
My eyes darted around, wariness and unease settling in. “No, it’s okay. Just please, tell me what happened—what is going on, and…where we are. I am…almost certain I died.”
“You did. However, post-mortem, the Venlil did a scan on you—thoroughly imaging your brain. This is a Terra Technologies research lab. We replicated everything that made you yourself, down to an exact science. You have a new lease on life, with true synthetic immortality! I’m sure this feels strange, but I assure you, this version of you possesses all of your attributes, memories, and neural connections—we wanted you to be the same.”
That revelation was like a gutpunch, hearing that I was some…photocopy of Elias Meier, and that the genuine human being had passed away on the streets of Venlil Prime. I threw my legs over the bed in a blinding panic, trying to figure out what the hell I was. My brain—thought processor, I supposed—refused to accept that what I was feeling wasn’t real. The Tilfish scuttled after me as I sprinted toward a bathroom, on legs that worked, yet felt like unfinished emulations. My gaze locked on the mirror, and I stared at the familiar face. The visage was impressively lifelike: an accurate image of my true self, not some metal husk or a phony thing.
Maybe I should cut the skin, and see what’s underneath it—it’s just wires. I don’t like this one bit. Nope, nope, nope.
“Please don’t harm yourself!” Virnt blurted, somehow reading my mind. That I liked even less, and I was beginning to feel like a caged animal, or better yet, an amoeba under a microscope. I wanted to make this stop; it was a nightmare I desperately wanted to end. “Breathe…er, I mean, relax. I’ll tell you whatever you want to know.”
I tried to draw in a breath, but some emulator of my voice was all that responded. “Get out of my head!”
“I’m sorry about that. We’re trying to monitor your experiences for quality assurance, and to make corrections so this is less jarring for you. We can read any person’s mind live now; we’re just skipping the extra steps with your program.”
“What year is it? We didn’t have anything like this. And why have you done this to me?”
“It’s 2160. It’s been 24 years since you passed on, which is a long time, but…not as distant as it could have been! This technology could change everything. Our lives are so short, but they don’t have to be. Whether you want this or not, you know that many people do.”
24 years. I thought it’d be longer, but that’s something. I’m amazed that humanity is alive too; they’re tampering with dangerous realms. Fields that should’ve been left untouched.
Beset by a mismatch of emotions, I returned back to a chair, cradling my head in my hands. The last time I remembered crying was when the first bombs struck Earth; not that those even were my memories. This was overwhelming enough that I wanted to break down, but there were no tears in my unblinking eyes. God, I’d really have a predator stare now. I wished I could seal my cursed gaze shut, and fade unaware back into the dark. Thanks to the utter lack of breathing, there were also the faint cues that I was suffocating; the more time progressed, the more strongly it felt like I was constantly holding my breath while diving underwater. In the surreality of my present form, it was all I could do not to scream and succumb to mania.
You want to read my mind, Virnt? I never asked for, or agreed to this. I think you should’ve let me rest in peace.
The Tilfish’s antennae scrunched in a display of concern. “We’re planning to make adjustments so you’ll be more comfortable: it’s a learning process, for all those who’ll come next! If you really don’t want to be involved…we can shut off your program, Elias. I only wanted to give a hero of humanity a new lease on life.”
“Is that why you chose me?” Damn self-preservation. This is horrid, yet I don’t want to die again: to return to non-existence. I tried not to focus on what was missing from the current stimuli, and to train my thoughts on what he was saying. Through the blame, in my addled faculties, I felt a flicker of sympathy. “Because you think I…deserve better?”
“I have a lot of reasons, but that’s one of them. Look, now that this technology is out there, people are going to use it. I want it to be done right—humanely. You’re the right person to speak to the galactic community, and lobby for ethical standards and civil liberties. Where digital minds can be installed, minimum standards for comfort, and citizenship privileges.”
I cast a cold stare at them. “Can you turn me off at will? Control this body remotely?”
“I assure you, we won’t do that. It’d be the same thing as the murder or coercion of any other sapient—and I hope you believe I wouldn’t do that.”
The human from earlier spoke in a raspy voice that sounded a bit wild, yet distinctly familiar. He sported a welding mask, obscuring his features. “You’re free of so many of the burdens of being human: ones that I dream of escaping. You can change your face if it disgusts you, and you can’t feel pain. Your brain, your body, won’t break…and we never have to lose anyone again. Don’t you see the chance you’ve been given?”
My facial cues seemed responsive, down to the most minuscule muscles; I slanted my eyebrows inward. “I know you. Your voice.”
“No, you don’t. It’s understandable with all this that you’re latching onto anything familiar. Chalk it up as a technical glitch and move on.”
“It’s not that, Marcel Fraser. It might have been decades to you, but it's been two weeks since I remember speaking to you and your friend.”
“You’re delusional! That person died years ago,” he hissed. His hands flew upward, before he stormed out of the room with an exasperated huff.
I turned toward Virnt, frowning. “With everything going on, I don’t appreciate the attempt to gaslight me. I know that was him. What happened?”
“A single-minded focus on bringing back that friend,” the Tilfish sighed. “It’s a long story. I apologize for his behavior. I assure you, I have no intentions of violating your autonomy, or doing anything other than helping you acclimate.”
“I feel half-human at best,” I groaned. “You’ve got to make some changes.”
“We can make improvements. Give it a few days to see what you adjust to, and what’s vital to enter in; the only features missing are things that don’t add much to the human experience. You can choose to end this at any time, but what’s the harm in giving it a shot? What do you say?”
I mulled it over, circling back to how it’d felt when my brain gave out; I was the only being that could describe what it was like on the other side. After a short duration of having returned to the physical world, being shut down was a frightening prospect. It wasn’t like I’d expected to wake back up, but this was a second chance that could also be given to many others. Why would I waste a chance to help humanity, and to see what the world had become? Others would suffer as I was now, if I wasn’t the one willing to stick it out and iron out the rough edges. This might be opening Pandora’s Box, but as Virnt pointed out, it wasn’t like it could be sealed shut again.
Someone will have to be the guinea pig, but maybe I can steer this technology toward being a force for positive change. It is remarkable how far we’ve come in such a short time.
“Well, I would like to hear what’s become of humanity, and frankly, how the hell we managed to survive. Things looked pretty bleak in my last days,” I responded aloud. “I’d also like to hear all of your reasons for reviving me. That implied there were quite a few, and I want all your cards on the table.”
“Not getting anything by you, am I?” The Tilfish’s mandibles clacked, apparently a laughing gesture. His compound eyes focused on me. “One thing at a time. There was a lot that happened, or was discovered, after your…untimely demise. For starters, we learned you humans were hardly the only omnivores.”
That got my unyielding attention, as I couldn’t believe what I heard. “What?!”
“…yeah. The Federation ‘cured’ any meat-eaters, which means they genetically installed allergies to animal flesh, and then overhauled their culture to fit their ideology. My species is one of the former omnivores, and I chose to go back to it since I moved to Earth as soon as I reached adulthood. I sort of have an obsession with humans and how you work.”
“Um, noted.” I took a moment to digest what he just said; somehow, being talked about like nothing more than machinery wasn’t the most shocking element. I’d have to get used to that, at any rate, since I was a literal machine now. “They hated omnivores. They…wanted us dead for being predators. Oh God, did they cure humanity?!”
“What? No! It was more that it proved your buddy Isif’s side of things. Their starvation attempts went far beyond you and the Arxur—you were just the failures. I mean, they did try to cure some abducted humans in the mid-twentieth century—”
“I beg your pardon?!”
“Don’t worry, the Farsul failed for centuries because they couldn’t figure out B12 deficiency. Oh, and to be clear, they targeted real herbivores too. You should see what the Venlil look like now that humanity uncrippled them. They’re quite the opposite of the skittish species you knew! Would you like to see a picture of Tarva’s unmodded daughter?”
The gears in my head were grinding to a halt, as the information overload was beating me down. “Yeah. Sure. Why the fuck not?”
Virnt handed me a holopad, revealing an image of a much older Governor Tarva; her snout fur was turning white. The human she was with made me do a double take, as I recognized a graying Ambassador Noah Williams cozied up next to her*.* That made me re-evaluate exactly why Tarva had requested the astronaut who made first contact as our ambassador, despite how nervous she’d been around him in the initial stages. I didn’t know if robots could get whiplash, but I was definitely feeling it. My focus shifted to two fully grown children, one human and one…Venlil? The young female had a nose on her snout, and was wearing running shoes at the end of perfectly straight legs.
“Ah, send the Governor and the Ambassador my regards,” I managed. “If it wouldn’t weird them out too much. I…I would love to get in touch.”
Virnt took his holopad back, compound eyes gleaming. “You’ll be able to contact anyone you like. Sorry for giving you ‘robot whiplash,’ Elias; just trying to fill you in. Long story, we found out that, that the Feds were hiding their true power to appear weak, and were colluding with the Arxur to keep the war going forever. Humanity fought to get an alliance, and with lots of help, took the conspiracy down. The end!”
“Right…so we won. We took down the Federation. Then what?”
“The Federation splintered into many groups. Humanity leads a group of eighty-odd species called the Sapient Coalition, trying to plant the seeds of peace and equality. However, we…we presently need help from the other parties, to stand with us. Not to alarm you, but there seems to be a malevolent entity just outside our space, and our clashes with them don’t bode well.”
A sense of dread festered within my mind, an all too familiar sensation. “Who exactly is this malevolent entity?”
“We don’t know; they shoot everything that moves, and we think they perpetrated a genocide against another predator species’ homeworld. I’ll get you briefed on specifics, but it’s bad news. So we need everyone, from the neutral Shield, the maligned-but-reformed Arxur, and the predator-hating Federation-lite to team up. That's the main reason the UN wants you back in the game.”
I pointed a finger at my chest, scoffing. “What on Earth does that have to do with me?”
“You have goodwill with just about everyone, including the Arxur, you’re used to assuaging predator fears, and you’re practiced at getting help in impossible circumstances. Elias, you were a diplomat that wanted peace, but made the hard decisions.”
“I am a cyborg replica of myself, and you think anyone would want to parlay with me, in this state?”
“It’ll be tough for the Fed loyalists to worry about your instincts, when you don’t eat and can’t feel hunger.”
“The Federation thinks hunting is hardwired into our brains, Virnt. This is all too much. I…I want to be alone. Please.”
The Tilfish patted my hand with a grasper, before moving away. “Of course. Take all the time you need; think it through. Let yourself get accustomed to everything I threw at you. I’ll be a short scuttle away.”
As soon as the insectoid departed from the room, I searched for anything to cover my eyes, ensuring that I could see only shadows. The changes since my timeframe of reference were drastic, though there were a few things I could take solace in. Humanity finding friends and a place in the galaxy, as well as vanquishing the immediate threats of bigotry, were positives. The fact that Chief Hunter Isif had let Earth return to full autonomy, and succeeded in his ideals of reforming the Arxur, meant that my deathbed wish had come true. It was peace between the Dominion and preyfolk, but it was understandable that there wasn’t acceptance or immediate forgiveness.
The dagger to my heart was hearing of a new war, the anti-predator madness starting all over again. I hadn’t been able to fully spare Earth, despite my best efforts to make us palatable to the Federation maniacs. If this was a do-over at keeping my people safe, before this war spilled onto our doorstep, I would give it my best. However, with how strained my sanity was right now, I hoped that I could hold onto my sense of self. With no wild claims to distract me, I fell into taking inventory of everything that was missing. There was no feeling from where my tongue rested against the roof of my mouth, no scents in the air, and an absolute stillness where my stomach should be rising or falling.
Like Virnt so aptly mentioned, I had no feelings of hunger or fullness at all, because the only insides I had now were metal rods and wires. My hands snatched the pillow with the last semblance of control, and I screamed—perhaps hoping to run my voice ragged, like a human would, but that was ineffectual as well. With attempts to regain any sense of normalcy or being alive rebuffed, I fell into a defeated, tormented silence.
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Star Crossed [Multiple Free Sample Chapters] Patreon Subreddit Discord Paperback NOP2 Species Lore
2024.05.10 08:13 Am_Jam01 Can anyone identify this snake?
I found this snake hiding in the roof of my garden shed, it’s not a very good picture. That’s the best I could do, I didn’t want to disturb it. Thanks in advance. 🫶🏻
submitted by Am_Jam01 to askswitzerland [link] [comments]
2024.05.09 14:19 Celldweller55 What is this place?
 | What is this place? submitted by Celldweller55 to DaysGone [link] [comments] I keep finding new stuff in this game and I've played it entirely nine or ten times since it came out, it's quite astonishing. There is a big red shed between the Bear Creek Ambush Camp and Marion Forks (see picture for exact location). The door is locked, but you can climb to the right of it and drop from a hole in the roof. There are no items inside, but there is some furniture, including some kind of wooden elevator with ropes. I can't help but feel like this is part of a random encounter or some content that was cut. |
2024.05.09 05:31 Firm_Selection_8246 My aunt went missing three years ago. Last week, she sent these emails.
Three years ago, my aunt Charlotte and cousin Sonya went to their family campsite (a disused gold claim property called Camp Arnold) for a long weekend. They didn’t return from their trip. Search and rescue volunteers located their backpacks and lots of tracks, but no bodies were ever recovered.
It gets weirder.
My cousin received these emails last week. They appear to be from his mom, detailing the days before she disappeared. He started reading them, then sent them to me because he was worried they would ruin his memories of her. We can’t figure out why the emails just now appeared. His mom’s phone and tablet were not recovered with the rest of her gear.
He wants me to tell him the sanitized version of what she wrote. He wants to know if anything in the emails explains why they vanished. I don’t think I’m going to be able to tell him the truth, if that’s even what this is.
(I’m removing the dates and specifics from the emails so they can’t be identified from news articles. Names have obviously been changed.)
Thursday
Sam,
We made it to Camp Arnold. Sonya got carsick on the drive out and still felt rotten through the hike to the cabin. She went straight inside to set up her sleeping mat as we made it just before dusk. We didn’t bother with anything more than granola bars for dinner, although I did get the wood stove going and we had enough water left for tea. Copper was a little anxious, but he settled down once the stove had warmed everything up.
The weather was wonderful for our hike – the wildflowers have quadrupled since I was here in April. You and Jimmy did a fantastic job finishing up the cabin. I was very glad to see we have a roof and a door now! Please let the girls know I saw the painted stones they left to mark the last fork in the trail. Beautiful! We could use a few more in the garden. I brought some bamboo to help outline the new beds, and I’m sure the compost from all the clearing we did last year will be good enough by now. Planning to work on the garden through the weekend and then head back to town on Tuesday morning for Emerson’s baseball game.
Sonya brought a map of the original gold claim on this property and is convinced she’s going to locate the entrance to a mine. I bet it’s all collapsed by now, if they ever even broke ground. I remember, way back when Dad bought the property, he searched for it too but never found anything.
The cell service has been worse than usual, but actually that’s part of the charm for me. I know if your Dad could be here he’d be out on the rocks with his easel first thing tomorrow, painting the view into the canyon and getting a sunburn on his neck. I feel him with me everywhere, but especially here. None of us ever really leave this Earth, do we?
Mom
.
Friday
Hi Sam,
I am dog tired but I got two very cute little garden beds dug out on the South side of the cabin. The soil is uneven – some areas are too hard to do more than scratch away at, and others are much easier to dig into. Occasionally there’s an obstruction – stones and buried wood I guess – and most of these I leave because the garden doesn’t need to be dug deep. I planted zinnias and sunflowers right in front. The birds will like the sunflowers, although it’s so dry out here it’s unlikely any of it will survive long enough to bloom.
Sonya made eggs and noodles on the wood stove today and we had a good feast for lunch. Good thing too, because Copper was a little crazy all afternoon. She hiked him as far as she could to try to wear him out, but as soon as they got back in the cabin he was poking at the door to be let out again while she was bone-weary and ravenous. Maybe he mistakes the wind in the sagebrush for the sound of Dad hiking back for dinner. Maybe he just prefers camping in a tent.
I, on the other hand, much prefer my cot in the cabin to the cold hard ground! The only modern convenience I’m missing at the moment is light! I can’t figure out where I put my flashlight, and we got in so late yesterday we didn’t bother stringing up the solar lights and then forgot about them. So now I’m already in bed, writing emails I can’t send instead of what I’d really like to do, which is check out these old coins I found when I was digging the garden beds today. There are three of them. They look like they could be silver, but they don’t have faces on them, just words and shapes that look sort of like birds. Crudely carved birds, I guess. I couldn’t read the lettering on them, and then, after dinner, by the time I remembered them in my pocket and was ready to see them up close with clean hands and my glasses on, it had gotten too dark. I’ll send you a picture in the morning – they remind me of the big silver dollars you and Dad used to hunt for. They might have been here since the 1850’s, when the claim was first active. Maybe they’re even worth something?
All my love to you and the girls,
Mom
.
Saturday
Sam,
It’s around noon and I’m stuck inside. We’re having a terrible dust storm. It almost makes me wish we had windows, but I secured the curtain flaps down and the velcro is doing a good job so far. The sound the wind makes whistling through the flaps is very unnerving – it’s like a person moaning. Maybe that’s why Copper was so on-edge. Maybe he could hear the air passing through this place all along.
And I’m on-edge now too, I guess. Sonya is out there with Copper, somewhere. She had her sun hat and her walking poles and said she was going down to the base of the cliff to find the entrance to the mine. I was in the garden, not paying so much attention, and she mentioned she was looking all around for her flashlight. I said she couldn’t have mine because I couldn't find it either. And she said, “Isn’t that odd?” But I had just found more of those funny coins just an inch or two under the soil. I have a whole handful of them now. They’re heavy and bright and really very beautiful. And I’d brought the coins inside and stacked them on the table before I really registered what she’d said. I looked up and there she was – well away down the trail already, walking toward the canyon path with Copper at her heels. And yes, of course she was right – it is all very odd.
It’s not just the flashlights. I had a bunch of paracord I’d used to tie up the bamboo that I packed in for the garden. I looped it up and hung it from one of the front rafters, and now it’s disappeared. Sonya asked me what I did with her beef jerky – she had a big bag of it, she said, left on the shelf by the front door since her hike yesterday. We both shrugged it off and blamed Copper, but there would have been a torn-up package to find if he’d eaten it. Neither of us admitted that we knew it wasn’t him.
And I think I may have found a bone buried back near the new garden beds. Maybe an old animal bone, maybe not. I suppose I’d rather not be certain. But I keep finding coins and the coins seem to be leading me back toward the bone, if that makes any sense. Of course it doesn’t. But there’s a bad feeling hovering around all of it, a feeling that I don’t want Sonya to know what could be there, and a feeling that Copper knows already. He avoids the garden now, and he barks at the wind. It’s odd to think our family has been camping here for so many years, but there might be more to the place than we knew, right beneath the surface.
.
Sunday
Sam,
I would say sorry for worrying you, but I see none of my messages have managed to send yet – I just see that little sending wheel that spins and spins. I should send Sonya to the top of the hill with my tablet later to see if we can get some updates from the real world. She was holed up in a cave by the base of the canyon with Copper while they waited for the windstorm to die down yesterday. I let my mind run away with itself a little, I guess. She did too, she said. She said she saw footprints in the loose dust down at the base of the canyon – strange ones, as if made by a dress shoe – squared heel and pointed toe. She didn’t know what to make of it, but they seemed to be leading toward the part of the canyon where she’d been wanting to go – a cleft in the rocks where they sloped to a low point, where there was rubble and maybe an opening. Then the wind kicked up and she ran back toward the path, and the alcove where she sheltered. I can hear the curiosity in her voice still, but there’s apprehension too.
It gets eerie in remote places like this. You come across bones or a mark in the dust and your mind makes up stories. Sonya has always been tough, but sometimes I forget that all three of you kids are grown up now. I look at her and see my little three-year-old with skinned knees and hair bows, chasing after big brothers that never wanted to slow down for her.
We had tuna salad for dinner and a little glass of wine. I can’t believe Sonya will be thirty next year. I can’t believe my only daughter lives all the way in California. It's harder accepting the big transitions when it's your youngest.
Today Sonya said she’ll stay close to the cabin and help me in the garden. Only two nights left before we head back to civilization.
There’s something big I’m hoping to have her help me clear away – an old dried up root, I told her, but I’ve suspected for a while now that it must be another bone. It adds up – the coins, the soft and hard places in the soil. I think my garden overlaps with someone’s burial place. If I’m right, I’d like to move what I can of the remains into a proper grave well back in the sagebrush, where it’s nicely marked but also out of sight.
I got an early start with my trowel, moving dirt, digging toward the rootlike object. It was long and hard, and eventually I uncovered the end of it where it rounded off, becoming unmistakably a femur. And as I excavated around it I found more: cracked and desiccated pieces of a pelvis, a smashed piece of brass – a buckle? Part of a tool? – and coins, more coins than before, not just the odd silver ones but now identifiable ones too – pennies and half dollars and some misshapen pieces of raw gold.
“Mom, what the hell?” Sonya yelled from the cabin’s back door. Her voice was unusually high and shrill. I shrugged, guessing that the extra time I’d had in proximity to the bones made the horror of their discovery easier to bear. I wasn’t horrified, but I was sorry. I hadn’t intended to disturb anyone with my silly garden project, and I also didn’t feel great about having taken coins from a burial place. I scooped up all the coins I’d displaced with this last dig and put them in my hat, standing up with it in my hands like a bowl, looking down at the partly-exposed skeleton. I realized I didn’t have the energy or time to exhume the rest of him, dig a new grave, and move him. I’d have to cover him back up right here, mark the grave, maybe move the garden to the other side of the cabin.
At the cabin’s back door, Sonya started sobbing.
“Sonya, honey, he’s been dead for a very long time,” I said.
“How long have you known that was there?”
I considered. “I found those coins, and I did wonder. I think I didn’t let myself really consider it.”
“Penny and Olivia are going to play here.”
“I know,” I sighed. “We’ll have to move him when Sam and Jimmy are here. It will be easier if we have one of the ATVs.” I swirled the coins in my hat. They were so beautiful in the afternoon light - brighter and shinier than anything fresh out of the ground had any right to be. Sonya was on the back step, hugging herself, talking about the gold claim and the two brothers who had originally owned the mine, how she'd tried to trace their families but ended up at dead ends, as if they had both disappeared.
“I don’t want to sleep here,” she said. “I want to hike out right now.”
I shrugged. There was nothing more I could accomplish in the garden, and I agreed that now even I was too upset to enjoy the afternoon. “Okay,” I said.
But the moment we stepped into the cabin, something was off. My eyes took a bit to adjust to the shadows, but there was movement – the window shades were bulging with the breeze, and the front door was clacking like someone had just exited that way. And Copper was barking crazily toward that door, but also cowering by my legs with every bark, ears tense like he was straining to locate something.
I felt it too – my back prickling with the sense of wrongness. Sonya was frozen next to me, but I knew she was thinking the same thing I was… What’s missing?
“The hatchet,” she whispered. And sure enough, the hatchet we had kept beside the wood stove for cutting up kindling was gone.
I walked further into the cabin, wanting to look unflappable for Sonya’s sake. If there was someone nearby slowly pilfering our stuff, and if that person was interested in things that could be used as weapons, we weren’t going to stick around any longer than we needed to. I noted that the stack of silver coins in the middle of the table was completely untouched. I also noted (with relief!) that my car keys were zipped inside my backpack right where I’d left them. Moving quickly, we gathered our clothes and all of the leftover food. Utensils and garden tools we would leave – we had planned to lock them up in the footlocker by the cabin’s back door, but we decided not to take the time. Sonya filled our water bottles. I got Copper’s bowl and leash ready, but he wasn't beside me anymore.
“Copper!” I called. Sonya looked at me with wide eyes. I thrust open the cabin’s front door in time to see Copper racing toward the canyon trail, barking madly as he went.
“What is he doing?” Sonya asked. Panic was rising in her voice. I tried to stay calm, but I could feel myself starting to shake. There were footprints in the dust all around the front of the cabin – even up to the front window, impressions left by pointed toes, as if someone had crept to the window and looked in. And the axe was gone from the chopping block that stood near the rain barrel.
Flashlights, rope, jerky, hatchet, axe. Was someone collecting what they needed, or depriving us of the means to survive? I yelled for Copper, again and again, but he didn’t come.
.
Monday
Sam,
I love you. Tell your brother that I love him too, that I was thinking of you both today. Someone will come to look for us, but let it be the sheriff, not you. I don’t want you or your girls to come anywhere near Camp Arnold or the mine. It’s cursed.
Sonya and I agreed it didn't make sense to go after Copper. It was early afternoon already and we'd be stretching the available daylight hiking back to the car even if we started right away. I can’t explain why, but I packed the coins, so many heavy handfuls of them filling our empty peanut butter jar. We strapped on our packs and walked away from the cabin, not looking back. But when we got out to the trail and saw Copper’s paw prints in the dust, we turned to follow them down into the canyon without a word.
Sonya was ahead of me, setting a fast pace. Maybe she thought we could make it - get Copper and still hike all the way out before dark. I made plans with every step we took deeper into the canyon, thinking maybe we could drag Copper back to the cabin for a sleepless, stressful night, then rush out when the sun rose.
I could hear her saying something, but the wind had picked up in gusts and she was several steps ahead of me. She was looking at the ground, her steps uncertain. “There are no paw prints," she said, and now that I'd caught up with her I saw that it was true. Copper’s rounded prints were nowhere to be found on the sandy, stony ground, and as we turned to look up the path the wind shot through the carved pathway, bringing a ripple of dust with it to further obscure the trail.
I yelled against the wind for him, squinting my eyes in the sun and dust, and then – "There he is!"
I spotted him several yards down the trail, just a flash of curly red coat and whipping tail as he darted onward and was hidden by the outcrop the trail hugged. There was no question, then, that we'd continue on to get him, though there were still no prints to follow, except occasionally for the strange angular ones, the pointed toe and hard-looking heel, from whoever Copper was after.
"He isn't barking at all,” Sonya said, yelling even though the wind had died down some. “If he were chasing someone he would be barking, wouldn't he?"
As we rounded the next bend in the trail I was disappointed not to see Copper. The trail of footprints had become regular and even. Whoever made them hadn't been running. Sonya pointed out cracks and crevices to our right - the sandstone alcove where she and Copper had hidden from the storm, and others.
“There's a whole network of them, like lava tubes," she commented, but I was thinking of our deceased friend up in the garden and his cache of coins, of all the dangers he would have faced trying to mine for metals in a place like this. Nothing of value was ever reported to have been found in this canyon, but maybe he did discover something and could never get knowledge of it out of this place. There's always a catch with treasure.
Finally we reached the bottom of the trail, where Copper stood looking up at us and wagging his tail, the same way he does at the door when asking to be let outside. I was furious, ready to rush toward him and grab him by the collar, but Sonya stopped me by clutching the back of my shirt.
“That’s the entrance to the mine,” she said darkly, and now I saw Copper was standing right at the opening to a shadowy shaft leading god knows where underground. And there was someone inside with our flashlights and our rope, someone calling our dog to him, luring us under.
“No, Copper,” I told him, whistling him to me. “Come, now. We’re going home.”
My stomach twisted as I heard an echo of my own whistle come from somewhere deep underground. The sound was louder and slower than the one I’d made, almost mocking. My blood ran cold. Copper’s ears perked up and he instantly sprang forward into the mine and out of sight.
Sonya and I yelled for him, crouching near the mine’s entrance. The blackness inside was nearly complete, but there was the faintest reddish glow emanating from deep within. Beside me, I could hear Sonya reasoning aloud that all she had to do was get a grip on him, get the leash on him, and then she could carry him back out to the trail and we’d all make it to the car. Meanwhile, I was having similar thoughts about Sonya.
“No,” I said, simply shaking my head, my eyes darting from the mine entrance to the trail and back. I was sure we weren’t alone, certain to my core that we were running out of time and choices. “There is someone in there, Sonya,” I whispered.
She was straining to see inside the mine, holding her phone at arm’s length with the flashlight on, but it was no use. The shaft was dark and cluttered with loose stones, steep and mostly featureless.
There was a burst of sound from within – a clatter of what sounded like metal tools, a sliding sound of shifting rocks, and a high yip and whine from Copper, as if he’d been trodden on or kicked. This was too much for Sonya, and before I could protest she had shed her pack and crouched her way into the mine shaft, calling Copper’s name and shuffling forward until the winking light from her cellphone vanished. “It opens up!” she yelled, her voice echoing up to me. “There’s all kinds of stuff – old axes and wood and burlap sacks.” Her voice grew fainter. “There’s a pit. It’s deep,” she made a disgusted sound. “There are bones at the bottom. Someone died here. I don’t see Copper. There are other shafts, branching off, just like we saw from the trail.” “Come back!” I yelled. “We’ll get help. Copper will last a few days.” When she spoke again her voice had lost all urgency. It was quieter, so the wind almost stole it.
“There’s something here. It’s beautiful.”
“Sonya, come back!” I yelled, and at last I was letting myself panic. Alone in the gusting dust, in the rising heat of the day, surrounded on all sides by the canyon’s echoing walls. Even with the blue sky stretching endlessly above, I’ve never felt so trapped.
I’m calmer now. It’s been two hours. Two hours of dead silence from within the mine. I’ve tried yelling, whistling, throwing stones, but there’s been no answer. Only stillness.
I dragged our packs closer to the trail to ensure they’ll be found. I put a note in the front pocket with our names and who to contact, but hopefully someone will find these messages – it’s too much to explain. I'm going in with only the light from my phone and one of Sonya’s hiking poles. And the coins. My pockets are so full of coins they jingle as I walk. I can't leave them behind. I wish I knew why.
Please forgive me for squandering this last chance to return home to you. I can’t leave her here.
.
Tuesday
Sam,
I shuffled and scraped my way down the mine shaft, seeing at last what Sonya had seen - paw prints and dust, old tools, a path through the rubble that gave way to a gaping pit on the left side. I looked down with my phone - there were bones at the bottom inside shrunken brown clothes, scraps of a person left by lizards and rats and whatever else might forage here. It occurred to me that this was the other brother, the brother of the man buried in my garden. I knew, somehow, that the coins in my pocket were his. He'd killed his brother over whatever treasure they'd found, then paid back his half of the claim into the earth to make up for his guilt. And maybe I had entered the bargain by unearthing that money. Perhaps I'd sold the betrayed brother back his claim, and our flashlights and rope too. Perhaps he'd bought back his life and was free to return to his mine at last. Perhaps. We find bones and tell stories. I might be making meaning where there isn’t any. I unloaded my pockets into the pit, scattering the bones with what I decided was guilty money. Take it back, I thought. So your brother can rest and leave us in peace.
As the last coins fell, their silvery clatter was answered by a distant sound, the tone of metal on dense stone, a hammer strike.
I was afraid at first, then hopeful, then resigned. The sound repeated, becoming a regular beat that echoed across the rocks whose long shadows shuddered in time with my steps. There was no question in my mind that the sound rang out for me. I needed to follow the sound deeper into the mine. I was sure it would lead me to Sonya and Copper, to whatever evil thing was keeping them underground. I walked deeper, half-blind in the dark. Tunnels opened up before me, a labyrinth of twists and turns. I didn't see whatever Sonya had called beautiful, and soon there were no signs of mining - no tools or scraps or marked stones. I was focused on the sound, the repeated clanging that grew louder and louder. It dimly occurred to me that I was ascending, my calves complaining as I hiked for what felt like hours. The cavern walls around me lightened, glittering dimly in the light my phone cast. Sandstone. I touched a wall and felt the smooth warmth of it, then rounded a tight corner and felt my heart freeze. There was daylight ahead, the warm glow of early evening. And the sound of metal striking stone stopped.
I walked out into the light, crestfallen and furious. I screamed Sonya's name back into the cave I'd come from. I was back at the top of the canyon, just across the trail from the sagebrush meadow where our cabin stands. I was near enough to see the cabin, the stump in front and the woodpile. The axe was catching the light where it stuck up from the stump, fixed back in place as if taunting me.
I approached the cabin, cursing my decision to leave our packs down in the canyon. My phone was nearly dead. I wasn’t afraid anymore. I had to know what else had returned. Maybe Sonya? Copper? The sun was getting low and the solar lights began to blink on. The hatchet was back by the woodstove, the rope and jerky back in their places. Our flashlights were sitting neatly on the table, as if they'd always been there.
I took both flashlights with me back down the canyon trail. Sonya’s footprints were in the dust still, and mine. I couldn't make out any of the angular footprints, and part of me wondered if there ever had been any. Had the flashlights and the rope and the hatchet been in the cabin all along? Had I truly found coins in the shallow dirt of my garden? A feverish hope rose in me that I would find Sonya and Copper waiting for me in the canyon, ready to lead me home by the hand, bewildered at my ramblings. Remember how Dad was, at the end, when he couldn’t remember any of our faces? Except for Sonya. He never forgot his little girl.
Our packs sat where I'd left them. I plugged my phone into my power bank and stupidly checked the tablet for a signal again. When there was nothing left to check I squinted through my flashlight beam toward the dreaded mine opening.
I had to go back in. Sonya was still in there.
Again I ducked into the mine shaft, grateful for the brighter light cast by the flashlights. The emptiness of the mine struck me. It was easier to see the walls of the entrance now, the small piles of tailings and the crags around the pit. This time, my light caught a glimmer I had missed before - a shining vein of dark gold that looked almost like a bleeding wound in the wall, starting above the pit and then leading down into it, an unbroken line of precious metal. It was beautiful, and I let my flashlight beam follow the river of gold down the wall and into the pit, understanding how such wealth might turn brother against brother, driving them to ruin.
The beam of light stopped at the bottom of the pit, pooling there for a long time before I understood what I was seeing. I couldn't see the bones and shrunken brown rags that should be there. Instead I saw Sonya, body broken, head dashed against the stony wall, a dark lake of blood pooling around her head. Copper was with her, his body halfway hidden under hers, utterly still. The coins I threw shimmered facelessly up at me, catching the light. I noted that they lay on top of Sonya's body. One rested neatly on her bloodied hairline, glimmering like a jewel. There were no hammer sounds now to call me away.
The night is cold and unspeakably still as I write this. The mine was owed a debt, and it has been paid. That's the story I tell myself. But I don't understand it, so how can I expect you to understand? Don't come for us, Sam. It's over.
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It gets weirder.
My cousin received these emails last week. They appear to be from his mom, detailing the days before she disappeared. He started reading them, then sent them to me because he was worried they would ruin his memories of her. We can’t figure out why the emails just now appeared. His mom’s phone and tablet were not recovered with the rest of her gear.
He wants me to tell him the sanitized version of what she wrote. He wants to know if anything in the emails explains why they vanished. I don’t think I’m going to be able to tell him the truth, if that’s even what this is.
(I’m removing the dates and specifics from the emails so they can’t be identified from news articles. Names have obviously been changed.)
Sam,
We made it to Camp Arnold. Sonya got carsick on the drive out and still felt rotten through the hike to the cabin. She went straight inside to set up her sleeping mat as we made it just before dusk. We didn’t bother with anything more than granola bars for dinner, although I did get the wood stove going and we had enough water left for tea. Copper was a little anxious, but he settled down once the stove had warmed everything up.
The weather was wonderful for our hike – the wildflowers have quadrupled since I was here in April. You and Jimmy did a fantastic job finishing up the cabin. I was very glad to see we have a roof and a door now! Please let the girls know I saw the painted stones they left to mark the last fork in the trail. Beautiful! We could use a few more in the garden. I brought some bamboo to help outline the new beds, and I’m sure the compost from all the clearing we did last year will be good enough by now. Planning to work on the garden through the weekend and then head back to town on Tuesday morning for Emerson’s baseball game.
Sonya brought a map of the original gold claim on this property and is convinced she’s going to locate the entrance to a mine. I bet it’s all collapsed by now, if they ever even broke ground. I remember, way back when Dad bought the property, he searched for it too but never found anything.
The cell service has been worse than usual, but actually that’s part of the charm for me. I know if your Dad could be here he’d be out on the rocks with his easel first thing tomorrow, painting the view into the canyon and getting a sunburn on his neck. I feel him with me everywhere, but especially here. None of us ever really leave this Earth, do we?
Mom
.
Friday
Hi Sam,
I am dog tired but I got two very cute little garden beds dug out on the South side of the cabin. The soil is uneven – some areas are too hard to do more than scratch away at, and others are much easier to dig into. Occasionally there’s an obstruction – stones and buried wood I guess – and most of these I leave because the garden doesn’t need to be dug deep. I planted zinnias and sunflowers right in front. The birds will like the sunflowers, although it’s so dry out here it’s unlikely any of it will survive long enough to bloom.
Sonya made eggs and noodles on the wood stove today and we had a good feast for lunch. Good thing too, because Copper was a little crazy all afternoon. She hiked him as far as she could to try to wear him out, but as soon as they got back in the cabin he was poking at the door to be let out again while she was bone-weary and ravenous. Maybe he mistakes the wind in the sagebrush for the sound of Dad hiking back for dinner. Maybe he just prefers camping in a tent.
I, on the other hand, much prefer my cot in the cabin to the cold hard ground! The only modern convenience I’m missing at the moment is light! I can’t figure out where I put my flashlight, and we got in so late yesterday we didn’t bother stringing up the solar lights and then forgot about them. So now I’m already in bed, writing emails I can’t send instead of what I’d really like to do, which is check out these old coins I found when I was digging the garden beds today. There are three of them. They look like they could be silver, but they don’t have faces on them, just words and shapes that look sort of like birds. Crudely carved birds, I guess. I couldn’t read the lettering on them, and then, after dinner, by the time I remembered them in my pocket and was ready to see them up close with clean hands and my glasses on, it had gotten too dark. I’ll send you a picture in the morning – they remind me of the big silver dollars you and Dad used to hunt for. They might have been here since the 1850’s, when the claim was first active. Maybe they’re even worth something?
All my love to you and the girls,
Mom
.
Saturday
Sam,
It’s around noon and I’m stuck inside. We’re having a terrible dust storm. It almost makes me wish we had windows, but I secured the curtain flaps down and the velcro is doing a good job so far. The sound the wind makes whistling through the flaps is very unnerving – it’s like a person moaning. Maybe that’s why Copper was so on-edge. Maybe he could hear the air passing through this place all along.
And I’m on-edge now too, I guess. Sonya is out there with Copper, somewhere. She had her sun hat and her walking poles and said she was going down to the base of the cliff to find the entrance to the mine. I was in the garden, not paying so much attention, and she mentioned she was looking all around for her flashlight. I said she couldn’t have mine because I couldn't find it either. And she said, “Isn’t that odd?” But I had just found more of those funny coins just an inch or two under the soil. I have a whole handful of them now. They’re heavy and bright and really very beautiful. And I’d brought the coins inside and stacked them on the table before I really registered what she’d said. I looked up and there she was – well away down the trail already, walking toward the canyon path with Copper at her heels. And yes, of course she was right – it is all very odd.
It’s not just the flashlights. I had a bunch of paracord I’d used to tie up the bamboo that I packed in for the garden. I looped it up and hung it from one of the front rafters, and now it’s disappeared. Sonya asked me what I did with her beef jerky – she had a big bag of it, she said, left on the shelf by the front door since her hike yesterday. We both shrugged it off and blamed Copper, but there would have been a torn-up package to find if he’d eaten it. Neither of us admitted that we knew it wasn’t him.
And I think I may have found a bone buried back near the new garden beds. Maybe an old animal bone, maybe not. I suppose I’d rather not be certain. But I keep finding coins and the coins seem to be leading me back toward the bone, if that makes any sense. Of course it doesn’t. But there’s a bad feeling hovering around all of it, a feeling that I don’t want Sonya to know what could be there, and a feeling that Copper knows already. He avoids the garden now, and he barks at the wind. It’s odd to think our family has been camping here for so many years, but there might be more to the place than we knew, right beneath the surface.
.
Sunday
Sam,
I would say sorry for worrying you, but I see none of my messages have managed to send yet – I just see that little sending wheel that spins and spins. I should send Sonya to the top of the hill with my tablet later to see if we can get some updates from the real world. She was holed up in a cave by the base of the canyon with Copper while they waited for the windstorm to die down yesterday. I let my mind run away with itself a little, I guess. She did too, she said. She said she saw footprints in the loose dust down at the base of the canyon – strange ones, as if made by a dress shoe – squared heel and pointed toe. She didn’t know what to make of it, but they seemed to be leading toward the part of the canyon where she’d been wanting to go – a cleft in the rocks where they sloped to a low point, where there was rubble and maybe an opening. Then the wind kicked up and she ran back toward the path, and the alcove where she sheltered. I can hear the curiosity in her voice still, but there’s apprehension too.
It gets eerie in remote places like this. You come across bones or a mark in the dust and your mind makes up stories. Sonya has always been tough, but sometimes I forget that all three of you kids are grown up now. I look at her and see my little three-year-old with skinned knees and hair bows, chasing after big brothers that never wanted to slow down for her.
We had tuna salad for dinner and a little glass of wine. I can’t believe Sonya will be thirty next year. I can’t believe my only daughter lives all the way in California. It's harder accepting the big transitions when it's your youngest.
Today Sonya said she’ll stay close to the cabin and help me in the garden. Only two nights left before we head back to civilization.
There’s something big I’m hoping to have her help me clear away – an old dried up root, I told her, but I’ve suspected for a while now that it must be another bone. It adds up – the coins, the soft and hard places in the soil. I think my garden overlaps with someone’s burial place. If I’m right, I’d like to move what I can of the remains into a proper grave well back in the sagebrush, where it’s nicely marked but also out of sight.
I got an early start with my trowel, moving dirt, digging toward the rootlike object. It was long and hard, and eventually I uncovered the end of it where it rounded off, becoming unmistakably a femur. And as I excavated around it I found more: cracked and desiccated pieces of a pelvis, a smashed piece of brass – a buckle? Part of a tool? – and coins, more coins than before, not just the odd silver ones but now identifiable ones too – pennies and half dollars and some misshapen pieces of raw gold.
“Mom, what the hell?” Sonya yelled from the cabin’s back door. Her voice was unusually high and shrill. I shrugged, guessing that the extra time I’d had in proximity to the bones made the horror of their discovery easier to bear. I wasn’t horrified, but I was sorry. I hadn’t intended to disturb anyone with my silly garden project, and I also didn’t feel great about having taken coins from a burial place. I scooped up all the coins I’d displaced with this last dig and put them in my hat, standing up with it in my hands like a bowl, looking down at the partly-exposed skeleton. I realized I didn’t have the energy or time to exhume the rest of him, dig a new grave, and move him. I’d have to cover him back up right here, mark the grave, maybe move the garden to the other side of the cabin.
At the cabin’s back door, Sonya started sobbing.
“Sonya, honey, he’s been dead for a very long time,” I said.
“How long have you known that was there?”
I considered. “I found those coins, and I did wonder. I think I didn’t let myself really consider it.”
“Penny and Olivia are going to play here.”
“I know,” I sighed. “We’ll have to move him when Sam and Jimmy are here. It will be easier if we have one of the ATVs.” I swirled the coins in my hat. They were so beautiful in the afternoon light - brighter and shinier than anything fresh out of the ground had any right to be. Sonya was on the back step, hugging herself, talking about the gold claim and the two brothers who had originally owned the mine, how she'd tried to trace their families but ended up at dead ends, as if they had both disappeared.
“I don’t want to sleep here,” she said. “I want to hike out right now.”
I shrugged. There was nothing more I could accomplish in the garden, and I agreed that now even I was too upset to enjoy the afternoon. “Okay,” I said.
But the moment we stepped into the cabin, something was off. My eyes took a bit to adjust to the shadows, but there was movement – the window shades were bulging with the breeze, and the front door was clacking like someone had just exited that way. And Copper was barking crazily toward that door, but also cowering by my legs with every bark, ears tense like he was straining to locate something.
I felt it too – my back prickling with the sense of wrongness. Sonya was frozen next to me, but I knew she was thinking the same thing I was… What’s missing?
“The hatchet,” she whispered. And sure enough, the hatchet we had kept beside the wood stove for cutting up kindling was gone.
I walked further into the cabin, wanting to look unflappable for Sonya’s sake. If there was someone nearby slowly pilfering our stuff, and if that person was interested in things that could be used as weapons, we weren’t going to stick around any longer than we needed to. I noted that the stack of silver coins in the middle of the table was completely untouched. I also noted (with relief!) that my car keys were zipped inside my backpack right where I’d left them. Moving quickly, we gathered our clothes and all of the leftover food. Utensils and garden tools we would leave – we had planned to lock them up in the footlocker by the cabin’s back door, but we decided not to take the time. Sonya filled our water bottles. I got Copper’s bowl and leash ready, but he wasn't beside me anymore.
“Copper!” I called. Sonya looked at me with wide eyes. I thrust open the cabin’s front door in time to see Copper racing toward the canyon trail, barking madly as he went.
“What is he doing?” Sonya asked. Panic was rising in her voice. I tried to stay calm, but I could feel myself starting to shake. There were footprints in the dust all around the front of the cabin – even up to the front window, impressions left by pointed toes, as if someone had crept to the window and looked in. And the axe was gone from the chopping block that stood near the rain barrel.
Flashlights, rope, jerky, hatchet, axe. Was someone collecting what they needed, or depriving us of the means to survive? I yelled for Copper, again and again, but he didn’t come.
.
Monday
Sam,
I love you. Tell your brother that I love him too, that I was thinking of you both today. Someone will come to look for us, but let it be the sheriff, not you. I don’t want you or your girls to come anywhere near Camp Arnold or the mine. It’s cursed.
Sonya and I agreed it didn't make sense to go after Copper. It was early afternoon already and we'd be stretching the available daylight hiking back to the car even if we started right away. I can’t explain why, but I packed the coins, so many heavy handfuls of them filling our empty peanut butter jar. We strapped on our packs and walked away from the cabin, not looking back. But when we got out to the trail and saw Copper’s paw prints in the dust, we turned to follow them down into the canyon without a word.
Sonya was ahead of me, setting a fast pace. Maybe she thought we could make it - get Copper and still hike all the way out before dark. I made plans with every step we took deeper into the canyon, thinking maybe we could drag Copper back to the cabin for a sleepless, stressful night, then rush out when the sun rose.
I could hear her saying something, but the wind had picked up in gusts and she was several steps ahead of me. She was looking at the ground, her steps uncertain. “There are no paw prints," she said, and now that I'd caught up with her I saw that it was true. Copper’s rounded prints were nowhere to be found on the sandy, stony ground, and as we turned to look up the path the wind shot through the carved pathway, bringing a ripple of dust with it to further obscure the trail.
I yelled against the wind for him, squinting my eyes in the sun and dust, and then – "There he is!"
I spotted him several yards down the trail, just a flash of curly red coat and whipping tail as he darted onward and was hidden by the outcrop the trail hugged. There was no question, then, that we'd continue on to get him, though there were still no prints to follow, except occasionally for the strange angular ones, the pointed toe and hard-looking heel, from whoever Copper was after.
"He isn't barking at all,” Sonya said, yelling even though the wind had died down some. “If he were chasing someone he would be barking, wouldn't he?"
As we rounded the next bend in the trail I was disappointed not to see Copper. The trail of footprints had become regular and even. Whoever made them hadn't been running. Sonya pointed out cracks and crevices to our right - the sandstone alcove where she and Copper had hidden from the storm, and others.
“There's a whole network of them, like lava tubes," she commented, but I was thinking of our deceased friend up in the garden and his cache of coins, of all the dangers he would have faced trying to mine for metals in a place like this. Nothing of value was ever reported to have been found in this canyon, but maybe he did discover something and could never get knowledge of it out of this place. There's always a catch with treasure.
Finally we reached the bottom of the trail, where Copper stood looking up at us and wagging his tail, the same way he does at the door when asking to be let outside. I was furious, ready to rush toward him and grab him by the collar, but Sonya stopped me by clutching the back of my shirt.
“That’s the entrance to the mine,” she said darkly, and now I saw Copper was standing right at the opening to a shadowy shaft leading god knows where underground. And there was someone inside with our flashlights and our rope, someone calling our dog to him, luring us under.
“No, Copper,” I told him, whistling him to me. “Come, now. We’re going home.”
My stomach twisted as I heard an echo of my own whistle come from somewhere deep underground. The sound was louder and slower than the one I’d made, almost mocking. My blood ran cold. Copper’s ears perked up and he instantly sprang forward into the mine and out of sight.
Sonya and I yelled for him, crouching near the mine’s entrance. The blackness inside was nearly complete, but there was the faintest reddish glow emanating from deep within. Beside me, I could hear Sonya reasoning aloud that all she had to do was get a grip on him, get the leash on him, and then she could carry him back out to the trail and we’d all make it to the car. Meanwhile, I was having similar thoughts about Sonya.
“No,” I said, simply shaking my head, my eyes darting from the mine entrance to the trail and back. I was sure we weren’t alone, certain to my core that we were running out of time and choices. “There is someone in there, Sonya,” I whispered.
She was straining to see inside the mine, holding her phone at arm’s length with the flashlight on, but it was no use. The shaft was dark and cluttered with loose stones, steep and mostly featureless.
There was a burst of sound from within – a clatter of what sounded like metal tools, a sliding sound of shifting rocks, and a high yip and whine from Copper, as if he’d been trodden on or kicked. This was too much for Sonya, and before I could protest she had shed her pack and crouched her way into the mine shaft, calling Copper’s name and shuffling forward until the winking light from her cellphone vanished. “It opens up!” she yelled, her voice echoing up to me. “There’s all kinds of stuff – old axes and wood and burlap sacks.” Her voice grew fainter. “There’s a pit. It’s deep,” she made a disgusted sound. “There are bones at the bottom. Someone died here. I don’t see Copper. There are other shafts, branching off, just like we saw from the trail.” “Come back!” I yelled. “We’ll get help. Copper will last a few days.” When she spoke again her voice had lost all urgency. It was quieter, so the wind almost stole it.
“There’s something here. It’s beautiful.”
“Sonya, come back!” I yelled, and at last I was letting myself panic. Alone in the gusting dust, in the rising heat of the day, surrounded on all sides by the canyon’s echoing walls. Even with the blue sky stretching endlessly above, I’ve never felt so trapped.
I’m calmer now. It’s been two hours. Two hours of dead silence from within the mine. I’ve tried yelling, whistling, throwing stones, but there’s been no answer. Only stillness.
I dragged our packs closer to the trail to ensure they’ll be found. I put a note in the front pocket with our names and who to contact, but hopefully someone will find these messages – it’s too much to explain. I'm going in with only the light from my phone and one of Sonya’s hiking poles. And the coins. My pockets are so full of coins they jingle as I walk. I can't leave them behind. I wish I knew why.
Please forgive me for squandering this last chance to return home to you. I can’t leave her here.
.
Tuesday
Sam,
I shuffled and scraped my way down the mine shaft, seeing at last what Sonya had seen - paw prints and dust, old tools, a path through the rubble that gave way to a gaping pit on the left side. I looked down with my phone - there were bones at the bottom inside shrunken brown clothes, scraps of a person left by lizards and rats and whatever else might forage here. It occurred to me that this was the other brother, the brother of the man buried in my garden. I knew, somehow, that the coins in my pocket were his. He'd killed his brother over whatever treasure they'd found, then paid back his half of the claim into the earth to make up for his guilt. And maybe I had entered the bargain by unearthing that money. Perhaps I'd sold the betrayed brother back his claim, and our flashlights and rope too. Perhaps he'd bought back his life and was free to return to his mine at last. Perhaps. We find bones and tell stories. I might be making meaning where there isn’t any. I unloaded my pockets into the pit, scattering the bones with what I decided was guilty money. Take it back, I thought. So your brother can rest and leave us in peace.
As the last coins fell, their silvery clatter was answered by a distant sound, the tone of metal on dense stone, a hammer strike.
I was afraid at first, then hopeful, then resigned. The sound repeated, becoming a regular beat that echoed across the rocks whose long shadows shuddered in time with my steps. There was no question in my mind that the sound rang out for me. I needed to follow the sound deeper into the mine. I was sure it would lead me to Sonya and Copper, to whatever evil thing was keeping them underground. I walked deeper, half-blind in the dark. Tunnels opened up before me, a labyrinth of twists and turns. I didn't see whatever Sonya had called beautiful, and soon there were no signs of mining - no tools or scraps or marked stones. I was focused on the sound, the repeated clanging that grew louder and louder. It dimly occurred to me that I was ascending, my calves complaining as I hiked for what felt like hours. The cavern walls around me lightened, glittering dimly in the light my phone cast. Sandstone. I touched a wall and felt the smooth warmth of it, then rounded a tight corner and felt my heart freeze. There was daylight ahead, the warm glow of early evening. And the sound of metal striking stone stopped.
I walked out into the light, crestfallen and furious. I screamed Sonya's name back into the cave I'd come from. I was back at the top of the canyon, just across the trail from the sagebrush meadow where our cabin stands. I was near enough to see the cabin, the stump in front and the woodpile. The axe was catching the light where it stuck up from the stump, fixed back in place as if taunting me.
I approached the cabin, cursing my decision to leave our packs down in the canyon. My phone was nearly dead. I wasn’t afraid anymore. I had to know what else had returned. Maybe Sonya? Copper? The sun was getting low and the solar lights began to blink on. The hatchet was back by the woodstove, the rope and jerky back in their places. Our flashlights were sitting neatly on the table, as if they'd always been there.
I took both flashlights with me back down the canyon trail. Sonya’s footprints were in the dust still, and mine. I couldn't make out any of the angular footprints, and part of me wondered if there ever had been any. Had the flashlights and the rope and the hatchet been in the cabin all along? Had I truly found coins in the shallow dirt of my garden? A feverish hope rose in me that I would find Sonya and Copper waiting for me in the canyon, ready to lead me home by the hand, bewildered at my ramblings. Remember how Dad was, at the end, when he couldn’t remember any of our faces? Except for Sonya. He never forgot his little girl.
Our packs sat where I'd left them. I plugged my phone into my power bank and stupidly checked the tablet for a signal again. When there was nothing left to check I squinted through my flashlight beam toward the dreaded mine opening.
I had to go back in. Sonya was still in there.
Again I ducked into the mine shaft, grateful for the brighter light cast by the flashlights. The emptiness of the mine struck me. It was easier to see the walls of the entrance now, the small piles of tailings and the crags around the pit. This time, my light caught a glimmer I had missed before - a shining vein of dark gold that looked almost like a bleeding wound in the wall, starting above the pit and then leading down into it, an unbroken line of precious metal. It was beautiful, and I let my flashlight beam follow the river of gold down the wall and into the pit, understanding how such wealth might turn brother against brother, driving them to ruin.
The beam of light stopped at the bottom of the pit, pooling there for a long time before I understood what I was seeing. I couldn't see the bones and shrunken brown rags that should be there. Instead I saw Sonya, body broken, head dashed against the stony wall, a dark lake of blood pooling around her head. Copper was with her, his body halfway hidden under hers, utterly still. The coins I threw shimmered facelessly up at me, catching the light. I noted that they lay on top of Sonya's body. One rested neatly on her bloodied hairline, glimmering like a jewel. There were no hammer sounds now to call me away.
The night is cold and unspeakably still as I write this. The mine was owed a debt, and it has been paid. That's the story I tell myself. But I don't understand it, so how can I expect you to understand? Don't come for us, Sam. It's over.