Mother in law poemsc

So let me paint a picture…it’s a Tuesday morning I’m in my office “working” remote. Of course you see the TZ is pits so I gatta do a few runs. Meanwhile my mother in law is upstairs watching the baby.
So here I am, slaughtering Dark Archers by the horde while they make their suggestive death noises and my MIL pops her head in to ask me something. Of course not wanting to get caught playing a silly game while she is caring for my child I Alt F4 that bitch like a champ right as that loud as death moan sounds over my speakers. I walk out later and she can’t even look at me and is apologizing profusely for walking in without knocking….
Do I let it stand that my MIL definitely thinks I was par taking in a little pocket hockey, or come clean???

As many of you may have read, there is a case of two missing adopted kids in North Carolina, where remains have been found. The news has reported that their adoptive “mother” is Avantae Deven.
I’m a curious person and started digging up information on Avantae Deven when I first read the story in my news feed and could not believe what I was reading. It seemed like whomever this woman is must have be using an alias; Avantae Deven is not a name like Kim Jones or Mackenzie Smith.
The more I dug, the weirder it seemed to get. I found a property deed to a place in Sedona, Arizona, and figured out that whomever this Avantae person is, she at one point in time had owned a home together with someone named Nicole Adams. So I dug into who Nicole Adams was, and learned that she was the widow of a spiritual leader named Robert Adams. It appeared to me that there would be no way to identify who Avantae really was, unless I could also identify the true identity of Robert Adams.
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I've done investigative work for many years, including skip tracing. I can conclusively state that there was absolutely no person actually named Robert Adams born in New York State on January 21, 1928. This is demonstrated by the New York Birth Index. I have combed the census records for 1930, 1940, and 1950, and cross-checked them against multiple databases, and am confident that nobody with the birth name of Robert Adams was born anywhere in the United States on January 21, 1928.
Moreover, there was absolutely no person with the true name of Robert Adams who died anywhere at all in the United States, let alone Sedona, Arizona, on March 2, 1997. This is demonstrated by the Social Security Death Index.
I began this research largely by performing exhaustive searches on the known addresses that are associated with Robert, his wife Leonie (who used to use the alias Nicole), and Avantae Deven (who turns out to be their daughter Michelle who began using the alias Avantae in the mid-1990’s or so). Most of the addresses are PO boxes. Those that are PO boxes are all *private* PO boxes, not PO boxes that one can rent from the United States Postal Service. To me, that spoke volumes. The family were clearly using aliases.
As I explain further below, I eventually determined that “Robert Adams” was Robert Spiegel, born 21 January 1932 in New York. “Nicole Adams” was actually Aileen Beverly Leonie Maxwell, born February 2, 1929, in Jamaica. “Avantae Deven” is actually their daughter, Michelle K. Spiegel, born on October 1, 1960, in California.
One of Robert’s many false stories about Robert’s life that my research has refuted is Robert’s claim that his mother was Jewish and his father was Catholic. That was a lie. Both of his parents were Jewish. It’s also interesting that he claimed that he was “raised Catholic.” There is absolutely nothing to suggest that. His mother always, in New York, lived in Jewish neighborhoods. Moreover, as will be discussed below, his parents had a Jewish wedding. It’s also downright absurd that he would tell people that he was “half Jewish.” If your mother’s Jewish, you are Jewish, pure and simple. Even if Robert’s father had truly been Catholic (which he wasn’t; his name was Samuel Spiegel and he immigrated to America in 1907, lived with his Jewish, Yiddish-speaking cousins, and spoke Yiddish himself), Robert would have been Jewish because the status of being a Jew comes from the mother. Robert’s mother’s name was Fannie (nee Fleisfeder) Spiegel. Fannie’s parents were Itzik Fleisfeder and Esther Libke (nee Rifkin) Fleisfeder. Esther’s parents were Mendel Rifkin and Sarah whose maiden name is lost to time and the disappearance of the shtetls. Robert’s claim to having had a Catholic father was utterly false, but is part and parcel of his ongoing compulsive daily lying about anything and everything.
Here is the story.
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Kolomyia, formerly known as Kolomea, is a city currently located in the Western Ukraine.
On January 21, 1892 (the same year that Kolomea tallis¹ workers went on strike for better pay and working conditions), Kolomea resident Rachel Katz, wife of Abraham Spiegel, gave birth to a son, who was given the name Schmuel.
On the date that Schmuel Spiegel entered the world, Kolomea was ruled by the Austro-Hungarian Monarchy, and almost half of the city’s residents were Jewish.
In June of 1907, fifteen-year-old Schmuel² boarded the Zeeland, which sailed from Antwerp, Belgium, arriving at New York Harbor on June 18, 1907. The ship’s manifest states that Schmuel’s father had paid for his transport, and that Schmuel intended to reside with his father, Abe, in Brooklyn. Schmuel was granted entrance, and took up residence with his cousin Charles Fetner, who resided at 353 Myrtle Avenue, Brooklyn, in Apartment A with his wife Jennie and their baby daughter Ettie. The sparse record that exists suggests that although Schmuel’s father was, indeed, named Abraham, Abraham lived and died in Europe, without immigrating to America.
The 1910 census describes Samuel’s cousin Charles as a carpenter, who had been married to housewife Jennie for six years, and a father of three children-- Ettie age four, Nathan age two, and baby Jacob, who was not even a year old. Eighteen-year-old Samuel was identified by profession as a “Foreman Sailmaker” in an industry described as “pocket-books.”
Three and a half years after being granted admission, on a bitterly cold winter day, January 4, 1911, Schmuel (now employed as a pocket-book maker, and having Anglicized his name to Samuel) signed and submitted his declaration to become a United States citizen. He stated, in that declaration, that he was born on January 21, 1892.
By 1915, Samuel had left his cousin’s abode and was residing as a lodger in the home of a widow named Rose Hammer, who lived with her two adolescent sons, Meyer and Louis, at 531 E. 5^th Avenue; Samuel was now working as a “driver.”
Two years after the 1915 state census was taken, Samuel had moved back to Myrtle Avenue, but this time at building no. 849. On June 15, 2017, Samuel registered for the draft, and described himself as being a pocketbook maker, working for “A. Shoenfeld,” at 101 Crosby Street, New York. He was single. He stated, in his draft registration, that he was born on January 21, 1892.
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A woman named Fruma Fleisfeder was born in Beltz, Bessarabia, sometime between July 1, 1893, and 1901, to Itzik Fleisfeder and Esther Lieba Rifkin. Fruma (not living up to her pious given name) provided different dates and years of birth to different authorities on different occasions, making it impossible at this point in time to know her true position in the birth order of her family. Regardless, Fruma, who began using the name Fanny upon her entrance to the United States, did have three brothers and a sister who also came to America-- Louis Fleisfeder who was born April 10, 1890, Max Irving Fleisfeder who used October 10, 1892 as his birthdate, Hersch (later known as Harry), whose official birthdate was December 15, 1901, and Sylvia who was born in approximately 1906.
On December 1, 1919, Fruma arrived in New York Harbor on the ship La Touraine, declaring her intention, at entry, to become a United States Citizen. The ship’s manifest describes her as five feet five inches tall, with fair hair, blue eyes, and a fair complexion. The ship’s manifest states that she was, at that time, age 24. If that were correct, she would have been born in 1895.
Fruma (then going by Fanny) took up residence with her cousin Ethel (nee Ruchlin) and Ethel’s husband Samuel Steinberg, on 15^th Street, Brooklyn. Soon thereafter, Ethel gave birth to her first child, a daughter named Theresa. The 1920 census states that Fanny was Russian, didn’t speak English but, rather, spoke Hebrew, and worked as a milliner in a millinery store. The 1920 census also states that Fanny was age 25, which lines up with her being age 24 in the prior year’s ship manifest.
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Sam and Fanny married in Manhattan on January 24, 1925. Their marriage certificate (signed by each of them) identifies Sam as being age 32 (contradicting, by one year, his immigration records which would have placed him at age 33), and identifies Fanny as age 24, the same age that she had claimed to be six years prior, and also contradicting an immigration petition that she would file two decades in the future, which generally placed her birth year at the mid-point of 1893.
If Fanny’s immigration records (which included a petition with her signature on it) were correct, Fanny would also have been age 32 as of her marriage to Samuel, not age 24.
So did Fanny lie in her marriage certificate? Or did she lie in her immigration petition?
The marriage certificate identifies Sam as having been born in Kolomea, Austria, and his father being Abraham, and his mother being Rachel Katz. It identifies Fanny as having been born in Beltz, Russia, to a father named Isaac, and to a mother named Esther Rifkin.
The marriage certificate does not identify Fanny as having any profession, but identifies Sam as being a pocketbook maker.
Sam and Fannie were married at 125 E. 4^th Street, Manhattan, a six-story apartment building with retail units on the ground floor that is now an expensive co-op, with three-bedroom units selling for over $900,000. Present-day real estate advertisements alternatively state that the building was built in 1894, 1903, and 1905.
The first name of the rabbi who officiated was Harry. His surname starts with Reid, but the remaining letters of his signature are illegible. Rabbi Harry identified his residence as 232 Broome Street, which, at the time, was a four-story mixed use building that, among other things, housed Chevrah Ahavath Zedek Anshei Jaskinover.
Witnesses to the marriage were Mayer Budmon and Samuel Steinberg.
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Sam and Fanny’s existence was documented next in the 1925 New York State census by census. They were living at 205 S. 2^nd Street. Samuel was still working as a “pocketbook maker.” Fanny was identified as a “housewife.”
Fanny was identified as age 25. This was in accordance with her age as stated on her marriage certificate, but not in accordance with her immigration documents or the 1920 census.
Sam was identified as being age 28, which conflicted with all prior records.
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In 1930, the couple were again enumerated, this time in the Federal census. The enumerator, whose signature appears to be “Max Krahn” (or something like that) stated that he obtained the information on April 16, 1930.
Sam was identified as a “framer” of pocketbooks. He was identified as being 36 years of age, which conflicts by two years with the age that he provided to immigration authorities. Perhaps the enumerator was simply sloppy; Samuel was also incorrectly identified in the 1930 census as having been born in “Poland,” with parents who were both also born in “Poland,” notwithstanding other governmental records having identified him as being Austrian. The language he spoke? “Jewish,” according to the enumerator. Was that to mean Hebrew? Yiddish? Both?
Fannie was identified as age 30 (directly in conflict with the information she supplied in her immigration petition, which bears her signature) and as being “Russian,” with parents born in “Russia.” The 1930 census enumerator incorrectly wrote that her year of immigration was 1921. Fannie, too, was identified by the enumerator as speaking the “Jewish” language.
Although later records reflected that Sam and Fannie had a son named Irving who was born in 1926, Irving was not recorded in the 1930 census. Was he missed by the enumerator? Or was he a later-adopted son?
The couple also had a boarder, identified by the 1930 enumerator as one Esther “Larson,” age 40, born in Russia, and similarly a speaker of the “Jewish” language.
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The New York Birth Index identifies a baby boy, Robert Spiegel, as one of many babies having been born in the city on January 21, 1932.
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On May 21, 1936, Samuel committed suicide by hanging in the family residence, a tenement apartment located at 1168 Union Avenue, in the Bronx. Although, based upon the date of birth that Samuel used for official governmental purposes he was age 44, the death certificate stated that he was age 43.
Fannie engaged the Gordon Funeral Home to prepare him for burial.
Strangely, although Samuel’s headstone accurately identified him in Hebrew as Schmuel Spiegel, son of Avraham, it inexplicably incorrectly stated that he died at age 40.
Fannie of course knew her husband’s real age; both of them signed the marriage certificate that had Samuel’s correct age listed. Furthermore, Samuel had petitioned for citizenship in 1911, and stated that his date of birth was January 18, 1892.
Why would Fannie commission a headstone with a false age? Perhaps she, like her son, was a compulsive liar. Maybe that’s where Robert got it from.
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The 1940 census has Fannie (identified as age 38), Robert (identified as age 8), and Fannie’s son/Robert’s brother, Irving Spiegel, age 13, as living with Fannie’s 72-year-old mother, Esther Fleisfeder, at 1537 Fulton Avenue, in the Bronx. Fannie and Esther were identified as widows. Esther was identified as “U” (unable to work), while Fannie was identified as engaged in housework. No source of income for the family was identified.
No explanation is obvious regarding where Irving was living in the census taken a decade previously. Was he adopted?
There is no “Irving Spiegel” listed in the New York Birth Index for either 1926 or 1927. There is an “Irving Spiegal” listed, who was born April 29, 1926. But he is not Irving Spiegel.
I initially thought that perhaps Irving might be one of the unnamed Baby Boy Spiegels born in New York in 1926 or 1927, and that he left the hospital unnamed because his parents were waiting for his bris before naming him. However, Robert left the hospital with the name Robert. Why wait until the bris to name one child, but not the other?
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Slightly less than two years after she was enumerated in the 1940 census, Fannie’s mother Esther died, at home, at 1537 Fulton Avenue. The causes of death were “Coronary Thrombosis, Pulmonary Oedema Nephritis, Hypertension, Arteriosclerosis.” Esther left this world on February 6, 1942, the same day that the W. L. Steed was torpedoed, shelled and sunk less than a hundred nautical miles east of the mouth of Delaware River by a German submarine.
She was buried at Mount Moriah Cemetery in Fairview, New Jersey, the same cemetery where her son-in-law Samuel was interred.
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On November 12, 1943, Fannie, now residing at 1985 Bathgate Avenue, in the Bronx, petitioned for citizenship. She claimed, in that document bearing her signature, to be fifty years of age, meaning that if she was telling the truth, she would have been born in approximately 1893.
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On January 19, 1948, Robert (having assumed a false date of birth, that being January 18, 1931), enlisted in the New York National Guard. On paper, he had turned age 17 the day before his enlistment. In reality, he would be turning age 16 two days after his enlistment.
On December 9, 1949, Robert was discharged from the national guard, apparently for having been AWOL.
The discharge document identifies his address as being 1985 Bathgate Avenue, New York City.
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The 1950 census places Robert again at 1985 Bathgate Avenue, New York City. It correctly identifies him as age 18, and states that he worked as a shipping clerk for a newspaper company.
According to the 1950 census, Robert resided at the Bathgate Avenue address with his mother Fannie, who was purportedly still age 50 (seven years after she had previously claimed to immigration authorities to be age 50), and Robert’s brother Irving, age 24.
Irving was listed as unemployed and moreover, according to the census record, had not worked for the prior year. Fannie was employed full-time as a milliner in a hat factory.
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Military records reflect that Irving J. Spiegel, born in 1926 and a resident of 1985 Bathgate Avenue, who had completed two years of high school education, had flown bomber planes over Germany during the war. In his military documents, Irving described himself as single, with two dependents.
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On February 2, 1929, a baby girl given the name Aileen Beverly Leone Maxwell was born in Lucea, Hanover, Jamaica, to William Maxwell and Daisy (nee Tibbits) Maxwell. Her birth was registered by her parents.
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In 1954, Robert Spiegel and Aileen Maxwell were married in New York City. Their marriage license was given License No. 10284.
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The following year, the Kingston, Jamaica, Gleaner reported on June 6, 1955:
Miss Leonie Maxwell, daughter of Mr. and Mrs. W. J. Maxwell, was married recently in New York City to Mr. Robert Spiegel of the U.S.A. Both the bride and groom are students at the New York Institute of Dietetics. The bride left the island nearly two years ago for New York. Her wedding gown was chantilly lace and nylon tulle. The bodice was fashioned with a wide, scalloped neckline and elbow-length sleeves. Her three tier skirt of chantilly lace was over pleated nylon tulle. Her fingertip-length veil was adorned with pearls.
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If the claim regarding the couple studying at the New York Institute of Dietetics was even true, their studies at this institution didn’t last long. In May of 1956, a number of advertisements bearing Robert’s photograph appeared in the Kingston, Jamaica Gleaner. The advertisements described Robert as a psychologist, author, lecturer, and “practitioner in auto suggestion,” and identified him as “Dr. J. Robert Spiegel.” Readers were invited to come meet Robert on May 21, 1956, at Record Plaza, where he would be autographing his “latest” “world-wide” 33 and 1/3 RPM record, “How to Stop Smoking in 7 days by Auto-Suggestion.”
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On May 1, 1959, three residents of 1985 Bathgate Avenue, Bronx, New York, came through customs, having returned from a trip to Jamaica. They identified themselves as “Robert D. Spiegel” born in New York (in addition to giving himself a false middle initial, Robert neglected to complete the I-94-A fully, specifically by leaving his birthdate blank), “Leonie A. Spiegel” born in Jamaica on February 2, 1929, and their minor daughter, and “Sharon S. Spiegel,” born in New York. Someone also neglected to fully complete Sharon’s I-94-A, specifically by leaving her birthdate blank.
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Leonie had taken Sharon to Jamaica two years earlier. There are no publicly available records pertaining to their outbound transport from the United States to Jamaica. There is, however, a record pertaining to their return to the United States. That publicly available record does not provide their address, but Sharon is identified as weighing 1 stone 5 pounds (a total of 19 pounds), and Leonie is identified as weighing six stone 5 pounds (89 pounds). Interestingly, Leonie used the name “Aileen Spiegel,” and the records assert that Aileen has no middle initial. Aileen was / is her true legal first name, but it is a lie to say that she has no middle initial.
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Almost two years later, on January 5, 1958, the Kingston, Jamaica Gleaner reported:
Staying at the Tamarind Hotel are Mr. and Mrs. Bob Spiegel and daughter Sharon of Miami, Florida. Mrs. Spiegel is the former Leonie Maxwell, daughter of Mr. and Mrs. W. J. Maxwell of Lucea and has been in the United States for several years. A welcome party in their honour was given last Saturday night by Messers. Horrace, Ray, and Dennis Maxwell, brothers of Mrs. Spiegel. It was a very enjoyable affair.
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In 1963, roughly five years after their 1958 visit to Jamaica, Leonie petitioned for naturalization, in Louisiana. Although I am in possession of the index showing that she petitioned in 1963, I do not possess the petition itself. However, the fact that she petitioned for naturalization in Louisiana demonstrates that that at least she was residing in Louisiana at the time. Since she stated that she didn’t leave Robert’s side for over 40 years, presumably Robert, young Sharon, and also baby Michelle were living in Louisiana at that time.
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People who knew Robert personally relate that he stated that Leonie was a Cayman Island heiress. She wasn’t. Not only was she not born in the Cayman Islands, Leonie’s father’s estate was litigated (with the judge ruling against her) long before Robert started telling people that his wife was a Cayman Islands heiress.
Leonie’s father did leave an estate, but not to her. On November 9, 1967, the Gleaner reported that the Supreme Court had upheld the will of the late William Josiah Maxwell, the father of Horrace, Ray, Dennis, and Leonie, and the husband of Daisy Maxwell, who had contended that William’s signature was a forgery and that the person to whom his estate had been bequeathed had exercised undue influence. The court disagreed. The article reported:
The estate, which one of the executors described as “a sizeable one,” included 112 acres of land at Paradise and three houses at Lucea, Hanover.
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Robert apparently wasn’t banking on Leonie’s inheritance in any event. In May of 1966, advertisements appeared in the Houston Chronicle with Robert’s photo on them, selling a record that would purportedly assist people in stopping smoking in seven days. He identified himself as “Dr. J. Robert Spiegel.”
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On page 55 of the November 15, 1969, San Antonio, Texas Express and News, was an advertisement stating:
SCIENCE OF THE MIND
Dr. J. Robert Spiegel of Houston, director and founder of the Science of the Mind Foundation there, is conducting Sunday evening meetings at 7:30 p.m. in the Sheraton Inn, 1400 Austin Hwy.
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On page 4 of the July 10, 1970 edition of the Fort Worth Star-Telegram was a photograph of Robert, with a brief local news blurb:
GUEST – Dr. J Robert Spiegel of Houston, Science of Mind Foundation director, will speak at the 10:45 a.m. service tomorrow in First Church of Religious Science, 2001 6^th Ave. His subject is “What Religious Science Teaches.”
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On page 8 of the June 18, 1970 edition of the Houston Daily Cougar was this advertisement:
HOME OF UNIVERSAL LIFE
“Teaching Aquarian Meditation For The New Age
Meets Every Sunday, 11:00 A.M. At The World Trade Center Auditorium
Houston, Texas
DR. J. ROBERT SPIEGEL (BRAHMADANDA) DIRECTOR - FOUNDER
Aquarian Meditation Initiation for the first time offered through correspondence. For those sincere students wishing to bypass evolution and enter the 5th Kingdom. Initiation includes meditation technique, Mantra, how to "live” 24 hours a day, and much more. Write for application today:
P.O. Box 53328 Houston, Texas 052
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From the Galveston Daily News, May 02, 1971, Pg. 31:
AQUARIAN MEDITATION SOCIETY PRESENTS DR. J. ROBERT SPIEGEL AN AUTHOR, LECTURER, TEACHER OF YOGA & SELF DEVELOPMENT WILL SPEAK ON MAN, MIND & THE UNIVERSE WEDNESDAY, MAY 5th AT 7:30 P.M. IN THE RECREATION CENTER HARRIS COUNTY PARK, NASA RD. # 1 ALL WELCOME — DONATION $1.50
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The 1972 Spiritual Community Guide lists Robert twice, in the San Diego area. First, on page 117, using his alias “J. Robert Spiegel”:
THE TEMPLE OF METAPHYSICAL ABUNDANCE. J. Robert Spiegel, 1118 Torrey Pines Rd., 92037. Teaches yoga, nutrition, ESP, metaphysics, psychology, mind control
Second, on page 124, in which he, as one might have predicted, was masquerading as some sort of medical man or scholar:
"AQUARIAN MEDITATION SOCIETY, U. S. Grant Hotel, Attn: Dr. Robert Spiegel, 453-7588"
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Also in 1972, Volume 25 of San Diego Magazine published in November advertised gift certificates for the “Astrology Research Center.” “Give your loved one the gift of love. Only $50” said the advertisement. Where was this entity located? At 1118 Torrey Pines Road, the same address as Robert’s Temple of Metaphysical Abundance. The advertisement purported that person identified as “Lil Canaan” was the director. The telephone number was 459-6400.
In 2013, the San Diego Union Tribune published the obituary for Lillian Mulonas, who founded the La Jolla “Astrology Research Center.” At this point in time, unless Robert Adams’ only surviving daughter, Michelle/ Prentiss/ Avantae knows the answer and talks, we will not know what relationship, if any, existed between Robert’s Temple of Metaphysical Abundance and Lilian’s Astrology Research Center, both of which were located at 1118 Torrey Pines Road in 1972.
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From the July 12, 1973, San Diego Reader:
BRAHMADANDA FOUNDATION
“Teachings of the Cosmic Way” meets Sundays, 11:00 a.m., U.S. Grant Hotel, Crystal Room. Free admission, refreshments served. Call 453-7588 for more information.
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On page 51 of the June 29, 1974 edition of Phoenix’s Arizona Republic was the following advertisement:
Speaker from San Diego
Dr. J. Robert Spiegel from San Diego, a traveler and lecturer, will speak at 8 p.m., Friday in Universal Series Center, 4340 N. Seventh Ave., on the topic “Science of Being.”
He is the founder of the “Aquarian Meditation Society” in Jamaica and is founder and publisher of “Equinox,” a philosophical newspaper.
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The family (Adams or Spiegel, however one might want to refer to them) have resided in (that I know of) New York, Miami, Jamaica, Louisiana, La Jolla, Los Angeles, Houston, New Mexico, Hawaii, Las Vegas, Scottsdale, Sedona, and a number of cities in North Carolina.
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In at least the 1990’s, before he left for Sedona, Robert Adams used the address PO Box 7210, Jordan Avenue, D-30, Canoga Park, CA. He used that address on correspondence he wrote, and on at least one published document. Who else used that address? The data aggregators show that this address was also used by a Michelle K. Spiegel, and a person going by the name Leonie Maxwell. Michelle and Leonie also used other addresses associated with Robert, those being 1815 Willis Avenue Panorama City, and 21551 Burbank Boulevard, Woodland Hills.
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The California Birth Index shows that Michelle K. Spiegel was born on October 1, 1960, in Los Angeles County, to a mother with the maiden name Maxwell.
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In later life, Michelle used the addresses above that are associated with Robert and Leonie, as well as an address of 12004 Vanowen Street #14, North Hollywood. This is the same address at which Denniston Keith Maxwell, one of Leonie’s younger brothers, resided at, after his immigration to the United States. Denniston was one of Michelle’s uncles.
In a recent Facebook posting, Michelle/Avantae stated: “Never knew anything personal about said uncles, etc. Never asked, never cared.” Really? She shared an address with an uncle? Her uncle lived within a few minutes’ drive from her parents, and Michelle/Avantae never knew anything about him?
As an aside, Michelle/Avantae alleged (or admitted) that she “never cared” about anything personal regarding her uncles. If that is true, what does that tell us about Michelle/Avantae’s fundamental character? Antisocial? Psychopathic? Narcissistic in the extreme?
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On August 2, 1996, Michelle, going by the name Avantae E. Deven, married Tyson Ruben Alvarez in Las Vegas. The two had addresses in common in Arizona, Nevada, and Montana.
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Robert “Adams” died on or about March 2, 1997, in Sedona, Arizona.
Shortly after that, in the spring of 1997, “Nicole Adams” and “Avantae Deven” (both aliases; the correct legal names are Aileen Beverly Leonie Spiegel and Michelle K. Spiegel) purchased a home together in Sedona, on Navahopi Road. Shortly after the purchase, “Nicole” quit-claimed her portion to “Avantae.”
On July 17, 2001, Tyson, still married to “Avantae,” quit-claimed any interest in the Navahopi property to “Avantae,” and had the county recorder send the deed to “Avantae” in care of the Infinity Institute, at that time located at 9101 W. Sahara Ave. Suite 105 C29 (in other words, a private post box), in Las Vegas.
Avantae divorced Tyson in 2006. She had, by then, moved to North Carolina. She “served” Tyson via publication summons, claiming that she was unable to find him, despite his information being on multiple data aggregators.
You can go to various Facebook groups, and other sources, to pull up the documents that people have uncovered showing who is associated with the "Infinity Institute," and in what fashion, and also the addresses that they have used over the years.
In any event, this is the information regarding Robert that I think that people need to be aware of.
Why turn to a known liar and con man for spiritual guidance?
1A tallis is a prayer shawl.
2The ship’s manifest states that he was age 14, which conflicts by one year with what Samuel identified as his date of birth. These errors are not uncommon; his fare could have been purchased when he was age 14 and the records not updated.

“The Lord said to Moses, “Speak to the Israelites and say to them: ‘I am the Lord your God. You must not do as they do in Egypt, where you used to live, and you must not do as they do in the land of Canaan, where I am bringing you. Do not follow their practices. You must obey my laws and be careful to follow my decrees. I am the Lord your God. Keep my decrees and laws, for the person who obeys them will live by them. I am the Lord. “ ‘No one is to approach any close relative to have sexual relations. I am the Lord. “ ‘Do not dishonor your father by having sexual relations with your mother. She is your mother; do not have relations with her. “ ‘Do not have sexual relations with your father’s wife; that would dishonor your father. “ ‘Do not have sexual relations with your sister, either your father’s daughter or your mother’s daughter, whether she was born in the same home or elsewhere. “ ‘Do not have sexual relations with your son’s daughter or your daughter’s daughter; that would dishonor you. “ ‘Do not have sexual relations with the daughter of your father’s wife, born to your father; she is your sister. “ ‘Do not have sexual relations with your father’s sister; she is your father’s close relative. “ ‘Do not have sexual relations with your mother’s sister, because she is your mother’s close relative. “ ‘Do not dishonor your father’s brother by approaching his wife to have sexual relations; she is your aunt. “ ‘Do not have sexual relations with your daughter-in-law. She is your son’s wife; do not have relations with her. “ ‘Do not have sexual relations with your brother’s wife; that would dishonor your brother. “ ‘Do not have sexual relations with both a woman and her daughter. Do not have sexual relations with either her son’s daughter or her daughter’s daughter; they are her close relatives. That is wickedness. “ ‘Do not take your wife’s sister as a rival wife and have sexual relations with her while your wife is living. “ ‘Do not approach a woman to have sexual relations during the uncleanness of her monthly period. “ ‘Do not have sexual relations with your neighbor’s wife and defile yourself with her. “ ‘Do not give any of your children to be sacrificed to Molek, for you must not profane the name of your God. I am the Lord. “ ‘Do not have sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman; that is detestable. “ ‘Do not have sexual relations with an animal and defile yourself with it. A woman must not present herself to an animal to have sexual relations with it; that is a perversion. “ ‘Do not defile yourselves in any of these ways, because this is how the nations that I am going to drive out before you became defiled.” ‭‭Leviticus‬ ‭18‬:‭1‬-‭24‬ ‭NIV‬‬ https://bible.com/bible/111/lev.18.24.NIV

I have been a stylist for almost 4 years. I worked at my now mother-in-law’s salon as a receptionist and loved watching the salon atmosphere. I went to school, assisted her, and slowly built (still building) my clientele.
MIL and I are very close, she only works 3 days a week so I still assist her for extra income, and work the weekends with my own clients. My struggle though is I keep going through a mental slump where I don’t know if I want to do this forever. I have lowedecent pricing for the area I’m in, I reach out, do marketing, and more. I feel like I do everything I’m supposed to do but my loyal clientele isn’t growing much more. It’s hard too because my MIL’s income is very stable, whereas mine is great some weeks and low others.
I enjoy doing hair, but I feel burnt out. But I can’t afford to go back to school so I feel like my options are serving or a 9-5 office job. I don’t mind those but I love the flexibility of being a hairstylist (but I’m not making as much as I thought I’d be by now). This will sound juvenile but I also hate filing a 1099. I miss the simplicity of a W2!!
I’m wondering if part of the reason is just because everyone is pinching pennies right now due the economy being the way it is, but I don’t know.
I also feel like I’m in a predicament because I work with my MIL. I know I need to do what’s best for me, but I would feel so sad to disappoint her. I know she would tell me to do what I want, but it still sucks.
Any advice? I keep having these slumps every other month. Sometimes I think I just need time off, but then I have the time off and don’t want to go back still lol. When I’m at work, I give it my all, I feel I have a decent work ethic, but I am tired.
Thanks for reading this jumbled rant!

I’ve been struggling to come up with nicknames to call my boyfriends mom. She’s Mexican and calls me Mija and I absolutely love it but I want to call her something sweet and enduring back. For example in a text or phone call I don’t want to say “Hi Laura!” or “Como estas Laura” it’s too formal. I want something sweet. Any suggestions are highly appreciated! I want to strengthen our bond so pls share your stories and nick name ideas. (spanish preferred)

For context, my husband had a child with his ex. They lived in for 5 years and had a son. When the son is only 2 months old, the girl decided to work abroad and left the son with my husband and his monther. After few months, my husband came to her abroad and worked also. My mother-in-law was the one who took care of the son almost since birth. They only went home when the child was already 3 years old but decided to return abroad.
However, the girl had another boyfriend when they went home. So seeing his son was not her only motive, it was to meet this guy too who he met online. To cut the story short, he left my husband for this guy and said that they will just talk about their son afterwards. To elaborate more, just after 6 months when they came back abroad, she went home in PH to meet this guy again, without even visiting her child. After a month, the guy moved in with him and worked abroad too. Imagine, she waited for 3 years to see his son but for this guy, she can't last not to see him again after 6 months?
Upon knowing this, my husband decided to go home in PH to take care of their son. After some time, we met, became together and eventually got married. According to my husband, when they were still together, the girl is giving him 10k/month for support. But after their break up, it just became 5k/month for 4 months only. After that, she stopped supporting because he doesn't want "any communication" to my husband. She usually sends the money to my mother in law but just stopped it because my MIL stopped answering her message because she is so demanding as if she owes her something, as if she did not cheat on my husband.
I took the responsibility of taking care of my step son. He had illnesses that was only discovered when I started taking care of him. I put him on a nice school. I treat him as my own and he loves me dearly too.
What triggers me the most is there are this random days and usually special events like birthdays, christmas, and recently, mother's day wherein he would post in social media that he loves his son blah blah but in reality she does not make a single effort for him? She would flaunt that he would buy this expensive gadgets to his now boyfriend but does not even buy milk for his son? I don't care about money anyway because we have stable jobs but I just hate it that she omits the part that she abandoned her child to be with another man. The audacity!

 I know the title is confusing so I'll explain. I need advice. My husband and I are in our early twenties and unfortunately my mother and his are both narcs. We have no contact with my mother, so no issues there, the issues lie with his. I could go on all day about how evil she is, everything from beating the hell out of spouse when he was little, cheating on his father excessively throughout his childhood, creating lies about him, creating lies about me, etc. I am looking for advice regarding how to handle the family surrounding my mother in law,, more specifically HER mother. She is a very kind woman but constantly tells us that MIL can't help how she is and justifies everything she does by claiming she's "hurt" and also seems to believe her lies. She has even affirmed lies made by my mother in law about me, however I'm blessed with a no nonsense husband who knows better and we assume she was confused. The issue at hand: MILs mom gives us money a lot to help us out as we are in college. Recently, our fridge broke down and we are currently without one. MILs mom gives $200 to MIL for us to get to help out. They had discussed them both splitting the cost of the fridge. We were not a part of this conversation. We had not even told MIL about the fridge, MIL's mom must have. This is one example of many, it is a common theme for MILs mom to use MIL to give us things/communicate with us. Husband is going to go collect the $$$ that MILs mom had sent to help but nothing more. We have no interest in accepting help or anything from someone who has treated us the way she has, unless she were to change, and I still hope she does. But it doesn't seem likely. We visit her around once a month to "keep the peace" and recently things have been okay. However, we would like for this game of telephone to stop. We don't accept help from her and have no desire to, but it seems MILs mom uses this as an excuse to keep us in contact with her. How can we gracefully and peacefully stop this from happening? I suggested to husband we may just have to stop accepting help from anyone altogether until they learn to come directly to us. Every conversation with MILs mom regarding MIL consists of her defending her, claiming she can't help the way she acts and she "really does love us." This is something that I would like to nip in the bud before we have children. 

Advice?

My kid was born last October. My company doesn't offer any paternity leave (don't you just love the U.S.?), so I used 12 days of saved PTO to care for the wife and kid. My in-laws have been helping out ever since, which has been huge, but we knew it wasn't forever; they have to stop at the end of this month.
No problem, we thought. All this time, we believed that FMLA was an option; my wife already works four days a week, and we figured I could use a day of unpaid time off each week, so, while money would be tight, we thought we could manage.
Yeah.
I just got off the phone with the organization that manages leaves of absence for my company. While I am entitled to twelve weeks (or something) of FMLA for up to a year from when my kid was born, apparently taking intermittent FMLA like what I described above is subject to the employer's approval in the state of Indiana. And my employer hasn't approved. If the kid/wife had a health condition, I'd be able to take it intermittently, but since this is technically classified as "child bonding", I can only take it continuously or not at all.
Ironically, my wife's delivery was so traumatic that I probably could've justified the intermittent FMLA if I'd started in October, but that isn't an option anymore.
We definitely can't afford for me to take a bunch of continuous unpaid time off work. I COULD use my PTO to get paid for that time, but since I used two weeks in October, I only have 86 hours saved at present--that's sick time, vacation, kin care, everything. And I've really been quite conservative with my PTO ever since I started working for this company. I never take random days and usually work when I'm sick.
We definitely can't afford to pay for professional childcare anywhere reputable. My wife and I have more savings than many families, and fortunately I have a great supervisor who will let me start work early, do makeup time for doctor's appointments, adjust my schedule within limits, all that stuff, AND we have some other family in the area who may help occasionally (though it's complicated), but I just don't know how this is going to work.
I'm already struggling with depression and self-harm. I feel ashamed for not being smart enough to get a better job that would help us afford childcare (I've tried). My wife is a FANTASTIC mother, and also the high-earner in our family, I'm SO proud of her, but her job is demanding, she's exhausted, and her anxiety disorder makes each day a heroic effort.
This isn't one of those "I live in a trash country" posts. I grew up overseas, in a place where many families genuinely can't survive, so I know how lucky I am to have the life I do--but this situation is just so frustrating. I deeply wish I had a union job, or that the GOP would stop prioritizing big business over family in their legislation. At least the politicians should stop griping about Americans not having enough children.
Gah.

My mother in law is a classic boomer narc emotional abuser. If my husband asks her to respect a boundary or lets her know she hurt him in anyway she absolutely plays the victim in such a huge dramatic psychotic way. A few months ago she went full spiral from hell complete with suicide threats. She harassed me and stressed me out while I was pregnant. She created a flying monkey with one son who jumps to her defense in a second and talks so much crap about me. Smear campaigns the whole 9. She’s just a miserable vile human unless she’s being kept happy.
I 10000% stand by if any normal human heard story of what happened in December that no one would side with her. And def no one would blame me but then there’s my husband.
The day it started I tried letting him know what she did upset me. I felt violated in my own house. His first response was she wouldn’t do that and I’m known to be dramatic. And keep in mind I was pregnant for months he fought me on this. There was a point it was so bad I seriously thought about divorce being the only viable option. I refuse to let another human being abuse me and def not my children so if he couldn’t see his mother was a whack job I couldn’t stay and it sucked because I love him more than anyone I’ve ever known. We genuinely have no other real issues. Normal couple stuff here and there but overall we are insanely compatible except with his mom and it broke my heart he would let his own abuser break us up.
Months of fighting and I still he started to understand. We def seem to be more on the same page. Even if we see things different we can agree on some core issues. In that time she’s continued to cross his boundaries because she can’t help herself lol literally she makes it worse for herself by the second she’s so psychotic. But in her head she’s a victim always 1000000000% of the time. She’s also absolutely delusional.
Anyway. I don’t care what she does as long as I can stay no contact and our kids are protected from her. If he wants a relationship for god knows what reason I support it. I do realize he’s an abuse victim. So many things seems normal to him because she’s been abusing him since birth. His entire existence was created to make her happy. I personally have u fortunately Ron the gauntlet of abuse by my own parents and I really do believe emotional is up there with one of the hardest to overcome because that’s literally how you’re raised and taught to act. So I give him grace and I’m trying to work on myself and now i react to things.
Mother’s Day though. Pretty sure it broke me. I’m trying to get over it but idk if I can or how long it’ll take. The morning was a stupid grumpy morning because we are both exhausted adults with babies so I get it. But I saw a notification on Facebook that he tagged me in something. In the past he’s written really sweet stuff about me on occasion and I really thought that’s what it was. I was excited to read it but when I opened the page it’s a one line basic happy Mother’s Day but to me and his mom. She’s blocked because seeing her name on anything literally gives me anxiety and I want to vomit and he thought this was a good idea.
Of course I lost it. I was so hurt. And he says “I shouldn’t have to choose between my wife and mother” that’s what broke me. You know what he’s right he shouldn’t but it’s not my fault. He said he didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings etc. so he chose to hurt mine who literally hasn’t done anything but hold his mom accountable to protect our kids. He could’ve written something nice and still posted something separate for his mom on her wall if he really felt like it. Or honestly just dont Post anything which wouldnt hurt as bad.
So the mother of his children who works her as off taking care of two under two, keeping the house as clean as possible, dinner every night, pack his lunch for work, work on myself and apologize if I do hurt his feelings, the woman he’s supposedly loves gets nothing because for forbid we hurt the mother who’s done nothing but act like a lunatic for 6 months.
I know he truly believes it’s both of us and it’s not. It’s her fault. She’s unwell. She’s miserable. She’s manipulative and actually emotionally abusive. So go cry we can never have a normal relationship with her. I don’t care. I’ll be the villian to protect my kids and hopefully now that I feel absolutely nothing but emptiness it won’t hurt anymore. I’m literally broken.

My mother in law is a classic boomer narc emotional abuser. If my husband asks her to respect a boundary or lets her know she hurt him in anyway she absolutely plays the victim in such a huge dramatic psychotic way. A few months ago she went full spiral from hell complete with suicide threats. She harassed me and stressed me out while I was pregnant. She created a flying monkey with one son who jumps to her defense in a second and talks so much crap about me. Smear campaigns the whole 9. She’s just a miserable vile human unless she’s being kept happy.
I 10000% stand by if any normal human heard story of what happened in December that no one would side with her. And def no one would blame me but then there’s my husband.
The day it started I tried letting him know what she did upset me. I felt violated in my own house. His first response was she wouldn’t do that and I’m known to be dramatic. And keep in mind I was pregnant for months he fought me on this. There was a point it was so bad I seriously thought about divorce being the only viable option. I refuse to let another human being abuse me and def not my children so if he couldn’t see his mother was a whack job I couldn’t stay and it sucked because I love him more than anyone I’ve ever known. We genuinely have no other real issues. Normal couple stuff here and there but overall we are insanely compatible except with his mom and it broke my heart he would let his own abuser break us up.
Months of fighting and I still he started to understand. We def seem to be more on the same page. Even if we see things different we can agree on some core issues. In that time she’s continued to cross his boundaries because she can’t help herself lol literally she makes it worse for herself by the second she’s so psychotic. But in her head she’s a victim always 1000000000% of the time. She’s also absolutely delusional.
Anyway. I don’t care what she does as long as I can stay no contact and our kids are protected from her. If he wants a relationship for god knows what reason I support it. I do realize he’s an abuse victim. So many things seems normal to him because she’s been abusing him since birth. His entire existence was created to make her happy. I personally have u fortunately Ron the gauntlet of abuse by my own parents and I really do believe emotional is up there with one of the hardest to overcome because that’s literally how you’re raised and taught to act. So I give him grace and I’m trying to work on myself and now i react to things.
Mother’s Day though. Pretty sure it broke me. I’m trying to get over it but idk if I can or how long it’ll take. The morning was a stupid grumpy morning because we are both exhausted adults with babies so I get it. But I saw a notification on Facebook that he tagged me in something. In the past he’s written really sweet stuff about me on occasion and I really thought that’s what it was. I was excited to read it but when I opened the page it’s a one line basic happy Mother’s Day but to me and his mom. She’s blocked because seeing her name on anything literally gives me anxiety and I want to vomit and he thought this was a good idea.
Of course I lost it. I was so hurt. And he says “I shouldn’t have to choose between my wife and mother” that’s what broke me. You know what he’s right he shouldn’t but it’s not my fault. He said he didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings etc. so he chose to hurt mine who literally hasn’t done anything but hold his mom accountable to protect our kids. He could’ve written something nice and still posted something separate for his mom on her wall if he really felt like it. Or honestly just dont Post anything which wouldnt hurt as bad.
So the mother of his children who works her as off taking care of two under two, keeping the house as clean as possible, dinner every night, pack his lunch for work, work on myself and apologize if I do hurt his feelings, the woman he’s supposedly loves gets nothing because for forbid we hurt the mother who’s done nothing but act like a lunatic for 6 months.
I know he truly believes it’s both of us and it’s not. It’s her fault. She’s unwell. She’s miserable. She’s manipulative and actually emotionally abusive. So go cry we can never have a normal relationship with her. I don’t care. I’ll be the villian to protect my kids and hopefully now that I feel absolutely nothing but emptiness it won’t hurt anymore. I’m literally broken.

My mother in law is a classic boomer narc emotional abuser. If my husband asks her to respect a boundary or lets her know she hurt him in anyway she absolutely plays the victim in such a huge dramatic psychotic way. A few months ago she went full spiral from hell complete with suicide threats. She harassed me and stressed me out while I was pregnant. She created a flying monkey with one son who jumps to her defense in a second and talks so much crap about me. Smear campaigns the whole 9. She’s just a miserable vile human unless she’s being kept happy.
I 10000% stand by if any normal human heard story of what happened in December that no one would side with her. And def no one would blame me but then there’s my husband.
The day it started I tried letting him know what she did upset me. I felt violated in my own house. His first response was she wouldn’t do that and I’m known to be dramatic. And keep in mind I was pregnant for months he fought me on this. There was a point it was so bad I seriously thought about divorce being the only viable option. I refuse to let another human being abuse me and def not my children so if he couldn’t see his mother was a whack job I couldn’t stay and it sucked because I love him more than anyone I’ve ever known. We genuinely have no other real issues. Normal couple stuff here and there but overall we are insanely compatible except with his mom and it broke my heart he would let his own abuser break us up.
Months of fighting and I still he started to understand. We def seem to be more on the same page. Even if we see things different we can agree on some core issues. In that time she’s continued to cross his boundaries because she can’t help herself lol literally she makes it worse for herself by the second she’s so psychotic. But in her head she’s a victim always 1000000000% of the time. She’s also absolutely delusional.
Anyway. I don’t care what she does as long as I can stay no contact and our kids are protected from her. If he wants a relationship for god knows what reason I support it. I do realize he’s an abuse victim. So many things seems normal to him because she’s been abusing him since birth. His entire existence was created to make her happy. I personally have u fortunately Ron the gauntlet of abuse by my own parents and I really do believe emotional is up there with one of the hardest to overcome because that’s literally how you’re raised and taught to act. So I give him grace and I’m trying to work on myself and now i react to things.
Mother’s Day though. Pretty sure it broke me. I’m trying to get over it but idk if I can or how long it’ll take. The morning was a stupid grumpy morning because we are both exhausted adults with babies so I get it. But I saw a notification on Facebook that he tagged me in something. In the past he’s written really sweet stuff about me on occasion and I really thought that’s what it was. I was excited to read it but when I opened the page it’s a one line basic happy Mother’s Day but to me and his mom. She’s blocked because seeing her name on anything literally gives me anxiety and I want to vomit and he thought this was a good idea.
Of course I lost it. I was so hurt. And he says “I shouldn’t have to choose between my wife and mother” that’s what broke me. You know what he’s right he shouldn’t but it’s not my fault. He said he didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings etc. so he chose to hurt mine who literally hasn’t done anything but hold his mom accountable to protect our kids. He could’ve written something nice and still posted something separate for his mom on her wall if he really felt like it. Or honestly just dont Post anything which wouldnt hurt as bad.
So the mother of his children who works her as off taking care of two under two, keeping the house as clean as possible, dinner every night, pack his lunch for work, work on myself and apologize if I do hurt his feelings, the woman he’s supposedly loves gets nothing because for forbid we hurt the mother who’s done nothing but act like a lunatic for 6 months.
I know he truly believes it’s both of us and it’s not. It’s her fault. She’s unwell. She’s miserable. She’s manipulative and actually emotionally abusive. So go cry we can never have a normal relationship with her. I don’t care. I’ll be the villian to protect my kids and hopefully now that I feel absolutely nothing but emptiness it won’t hurt anymore. I’m literally broken.

TL;DR I Need help understanding a healthy balance drawing boundaries with elderly parents (living in adjoined mother-in-law suite) and wife, with differing tolerance levels and peeves.
AITAH for addressing the below issues, or for NOT addressing them?
Background:
Parents are late 70s, recently built an attached studio apt into our house due to limited housing options on fixed income.
Wife was very supportive, a saint really. They crashed in our guest room on and off for over a year while it was built.
They have own restroom, kitchen etc, entrance and exit.
Situation:
I feel like the more than overstayed welcome during transition - using our restroom, being fairly overbearing, loud, you know … just old people.
Now, though, I feel like the snakes things they do (that should not be a big issue in my opinion) are really bothering my wife.
Namely: 1. you can hear their TV pretty loudly through the wall, which is a bit obnoxious but in my opinion … i don’t want to ask them to turn it down to a level where they can’t hear it just to not inconvenience us. It feels…wrong. Like, it’s their space. 2. My mom makes breakfast for the boys every morning, and waits outside all morning to catch us on the way to work/school and give it to them. Sounds sweet, and it is, but it’s a LOT on the morning. She is big manic energy, and it feels like a well-intentioned ambush. When we’re in a hurry in the morning, we don’t want to interact at that level all the time… but, it feels unreasonable to even try to address this. What do I say, “we don’t want to see you in the morning cuz we’re in a hurry, go inside” of course not… 🤷🏻‍♂️
I’ve addressed the bigger issues: don’t just let yourself in our house. Don’t use the common door into our living area unless emergency. Don’t come over to our house with sweets and bs food every day because it undermines how we feed our kids … etc.
Question:
Wife and I have had our guest disagreements ever in our relationship lately, around these issues.
I want to wait a while and let the dust settle before stressing more and addressing issues stated above. See how things shakes out, mainly because I feel the inconvenience we are feeling pales in comparison to the hurt feelings / ask I would have if my parents to address it.
Issue is, it’s weighing on my wife, and she feels (I think) like my inaction is placing their needs above ours, or that these are minor issues I shouldn’t have a problem bringing up to them.
What would you do? Am I the asshole?

TL;DR I Need help understanding a healthy balance drawing boundaries with elderly parents (living in adjoined mother-in-law suite) and wife, with differing tolerance levels and peeves.
Background:
Parents are late 70s, recently built an attached studio apt into our house due to limited housing options on fixed income.
Wife was very supportive, a saint really. They crashed in our guest room on and off for over a year while it was built.
They have own restroom, kitchen etc, entrance and exit.
Situation:
I feel like the more than overstayed welcome during transition - using our restroom, being fairly overbearing, loud, you know … just old people.
Now, though, I feel like the smaller things they do (that should not be a big issue in my opinion) are really bothering my wife.
Namely: 1. you can hear their TV pretty loudly through the wall, which is a bit obnoxious but in my opinion … i don’t want to ask them to turn it down to a level where they can’t hear it just to not inconvenience us. It feels…wrong. Like, it’s their space. 2. My mom makes breakfast for the kids every morning, and waits outside all morning to catch us on the way to work/school and give it to them. Sounds sweet, and it is, but it’s a LOT on the morning. She is big manic energy, and it feels like a well-intentioned ambush. When we’re in a hurry in the morning, we don’t want to interact at that level all the time… but, it feels unreasonable to even try to address this. What do I say, “we don’t want to see you in the morning cuz we’re in a hurry, go inside” of course not… 🤷🏻‍♂️
I’ve addressed the bigger issues: don’t just let yourself in our house. Don’t use the common door into our living area unless emergency. Don’t come over to our house with sweets and bs food every day because it undermines how we feed our kids … etc.
Question:
Wife and I have had our guest disagreements ever in our relationship lately, around these issues.
I want to wait a while and let the dust settle before stressing more and addressing issues stated above. See how things shakes out, mainly because I feel the inconvenience we are feeling pales in comparison to the hurt feelings / ask I would have if my parents to address it.
Issue is, it’s weighing on my wife, and she feels (I think) like my inaction is placing their needs above ours, or that these are minor issues I shouldn’t have a problem bringing up to them.
What would you do? Am I the asshole?

Can't help but laugh my ass off at how ridiculously selfish and self-centered this is.
Context: I'm 31, been with my FIANCEwBPD (29) for 7 years. She moved to another town for law school back in September, we'd been living together up until then. I agreed to stay in our original city to watch our pets, and the plan was for me to move to her when I secured a job in the area.
Well since September it's been nothing but push-pull devaluation bullshit. Like, we had serious issues 1.5 months into long distance so I know the problem's not me. She just randomly called me one night after acting cold and distant for a long while. I asked her if she wanted to break up and she said: "I don't know."
I said "Fine, we're done." Then she immediately booked a red eye to come see me and apologize.
We worked through that. As you may know, that likely accomplished nothing in the long run and she just built resentment cus I 'punished her'. Flash forward another 7 months to now. Throw in some more devaluation cycles. I ghosted her for 2 weeks recently for the sake of my own mental health (which she took as a personal attack even though she's been ghosting me since the second she moved up there).
We have a group vacation coming up. 4-day trip. It's a very important trip actually, because I'm headlining my first theater as a stand-up comedian and tons of college friends and family are coming out to see me.
Now, I'm not trying to stress about this bullshit up until the day of the show, I'd rather be done now. I already feel detached--in a good way. I've reflected on the peace I'll have and on the potential of finding a partner in the future who actually IS empathetic instead of just telling everyone non-stop how empathetic they are. When somebody constantly brings up a very 'strong quality' of theirs, assume that they're just masking their complete lack of that very quality. This is the case like 90% of the time. This is why during my sister's college graduation, her friends confided in her that my fiance seemed fake as fuck. She was playing a character and they could see it. Tl;Dr: If someone constantly talks about being an empath, assume they're an absolutely toxic psychopath.
I've also realized that this entire time I thought I didn't want kids, I was actually just terrified of her mothering them. Because it's inevitable she will split on them and perpetuate this cycle for another generation.
Anyway we're texting last night, I'm trying to get some clarification on where we're at before this trip because I'd rather her just not go if we're done, that'd be weird AF. She says:
"I don't know, since our last conversation I said I didn't really want to be engaged anymore and later said I didn't want to make any major decisions at that time. I still feel the same. But I thought we would be able to talk about Honey separate to that." -- She wanted me to bring our dog on the trip so she could go with her, which I told her I'm not comfortable with.
I replied: "Wasn't able to stick my fork in that word salad, you'll have to clarify. Did you get your timelines mixed up? In our last conversation you never said "I don't want to be engaged anymore."
I continued: "I asked you, after stating my concerns, if you felt there's anything you felt you could do to reduce the BPD mistreatment towards me. Then I asked if you still wanted to be engaged. You answered: 'I think so? I don't want to make any major decisions right now."
She responds: "Did not get my timelines mixed up. I said I don't think so. I don't know. I don't want to make any major decisions."
Me: "Wow haha either I misheard or you didn't say what you thought you said. Either way, 3 weeks later you feel your state of mind remains 'Don't want to make any major decisions? That's interesting."
Her: "Ok?"
Me: "I was just trying to understand what you said? I don't want to put words in your mouth. When you say 'I still feel the same', what are you referring to exactly? Because you mentioned 2 or 3 different things
Her: "That I don't really feel like I want to be engaged but don't want to make any decisions. To be honest I'd rather talk to you in person about this. And you seem to be getting mad."
Me: I am not the least bit bothered but thank you for your concern : )
Me: "In person, like during the Phoenix trip?"
Her: "I mean, if so, after your show."
I have not responded to that. I'm thinking, "That's one of the most selfish things I've ever heard. You know people are going on this trip to have fun right? Like oh yeah, why don't you just get your little comedy show done so I can break up with you immediately after? Hope that doesn't affect your performance!" Lmfao.
Not to mention, she's perfectly happy keeping me in suspense for another three weeks, which would affect anybody's preparation. She's trying to take a weekend that's about my professional accomplishments, my friends, family, and make it about herself like she always fucking does. What an empath.
Thank fuck we didn't get married. She wanted to get married 6 months after meeting me. Like literally "Let's run down to the courthouse right now and get married." I'm of the thought this relationship ended two years ago when I put that rock on her finger. She split on me 4 months after and threw a fit because I didn't want to rush and sign a contract for a $50k wedding.

I know this isn’t nearly as bad as some folks have it and my relationship with my mom has come miles since I’ve been yellow rocking her for the last 5 years.
For Mother’s Day, my husband and I had invited his parents and my mom to dinner at a fancier restaurant. My mom immediately started suggesting other places, saying it’s too expensive. I finally just said, “Don’t make this weird, it’s our treat.” But she kept making small comments over the course of the week that I ignored.
The day arrives and we have a nice meal but when my husband tries to pay for dinner, my mom has already given her card to the MANAGER. And no amount of cajoling from me could get the waitress to take our card.
Honestly? I was pissed and I said so and probably made the rest of the dinner awkward. She sent me the typical “Don’t be mad hehehehe.” Text later in the evening and all I could muster was a “Thanks for dinner, love you.”
I have no issue whatsoever with a free meal! She treats 95% of the time and I don’t care and am appreciative. But here, she knew exactly what she was doing with this power play and accomplished a few things:

1. Set her up as the savior of dinner over my in-laws which probably embarrassed them. She’s done this before.
2. Set herself up as the martyr to pay for the expensive dinner.
3. Insinuated that I must not have known how much it would cost and that we didn’t have enough money.

Honestly, it’s exhausting. Especially because I make more money than she ever did. It feels exactly the same as when she doesn’t open my gifts for her birthday or Christmas and just hoards them for months.
Welp, hope she enjoyed paying for her own and my MILs Mother’s Day gift, I guess.

I'm legal disabled, and receive benefits monthly. Since the age of 18 i have had a state appointed "payee". All my expenses are monitored and payed for by my Payee. Other than requesting money for personal expenses. Everything is on a schedule that is overseen by my Payee. I rarely know the exact balance in my account. And used to never worried about it, i knew my budget and knew all my bills were covered. However this all changed roughly 2 years ago.
I had asked my Payee my balance, and she had responded with a figure that was close too $13,000.00 less than what I believed it should be at. My Payee, assured me that she would look into what the issue was/if any. But not to worry. The next time we spoke I was informed that my benefits were being sent to a unaffiliated personal bank account, and had been sent to that account for the last 11 months. When I inquired who would be able too approve such an important decision and why I was not informed or asked to verify, and as my Payee why it wasn't caught immediately. Since after all that's start they are appointed to do. Protect, and assist. And remove and worries or concerns of handling major finicial obligations, so as to not risk myself being without residents, food, phone, water, child care. Or even more important compromising my ability to efficiently provide for my daughter. I was told that Social security was the only one that could approve the change, and that she was never contacted. Therefore I was never contacted, no notice or mail, funds were sent too my Payee for a total of 11 months.
I was then told that it "just wasn't noticed" as a result of having to wait for everything to be resolved, and it being a legal matter and Social security stating to detectives that they didn't have any "notes" in there system. I was without 13000.00 and in the midst of dealing with custody and having to travel across the country, all while being behind on bills, and not being able to offered legal fees. By the time the money was returned, I only received $10,000 had to catch up on legal fees and fees inquired. I had nothing to be she to fix my vehicle, retain a lawyer or travel across the country too be with my then 2 yo daughter, who after 2+ years of trying to reverse custody that was granted to daughters grandma by daughters mother even though I had raised our daughter her some life and had never agreed, and was never aware that a trip too "see family" would result in me no longer having custody, and being told that it was a matter that had to be dealt with in New york, I fought for 23+months until I didn't have a cent left. I continue to fight. But Honestly it's 4 people in the court vs me. And I have no lawyer. All I'm asking for is to be given 50/50 custody. And that my daughter come back to where she lived since she was an infant where her mom and I lived and were raising her. But the only reason for that to be opposed is that I have no immediate family, and being a single father is difficult, as well as it being a "huge change " in my daughters environment which I have petitioned ever since the original emergency guardianship granting appearance. But have never been so much as acknowledged by the court besides my attendance as the minor child biological father being addressed. Never once were any of my multiple petitions discussed. And court was/has/and is continued in order for my daughters mother can meet obligations, and nothing I have ever submitted to the court as well as the law guardian has never been brought up. I need to know if I have a civil suite against my Payee? I feel as if it was a complete disaster and irresponsible that this was even able to happen, and even though they arrested the person responsible, no prison time or probation was sentenced, restitution was paid and I had never received a penny of it. I no longer trust my Payee or social security to prevent my benefits from being stolen, or if I will be able too raise my daughter without flying 2500 miles if I want too see her. Please help. Thank you very much. I know it's very lengthy, but i have been devastated and struggling alone since Jan 1, 2021. Thank you all for letting me write this in a safe place regardless of there is any solution.

Looking for a (weird?) wife, and I’m not sure if I’m supposed to have multiple wives or not I am saying this for your due consideration.
I have dark hair white skin, am underweight 5’6 with acne scars
NSFW questions in DMs bc Idk if its allowed to talk about on this sub. details in DMs for this reason unless i get confirmation that it's ok.
I have autism, OCD, ADHD, synesthesia and others (all self diganosed but i have obvious things idk if i should get into that)
I don’t mind piercings, I enjoy them, but someone is not more or less attractive for not having them. I don’t like gauges and some of those extreme circles and cuts. I don’t have any body modifications nor had planned to make any.
I don’t mind tattoos at any place either besides health concerns n I doint have any either.
I don’t like when ppl have big round lumps of flesh that stick out, I do mean big, small/medium maybe ok or even attractive
Need to find her attractive without make up – yes I do mean without make up and there are women who I find attractive without and I do mean without make up of any age. I don’t think I care if she wears make up or not, but I have concerns it’s toxic and the other one if I turn out to be hypersensitive or irritated by it because I am autistic.
I don’t care about race or ethnicity or nationality or anything or location.
I don’t mind how she decides to cut or dye her hair, besides that im concerned about toxins and damage, but I am not imposing on her.
I like appreciate and enjoy alternative fashion (and before it was cool), ive also liked fashion that some alt people have called “too basic" (which may partially be their own insecurity), i just like what looks good. There is fashion I find too basic and kind of anti fashion in that sense too maybe bc I feel like is what people who don’t want to be judged for being anything thats not basic would wear. I don’t like it when people are mean to others based on what they wear or other pointless hierarchical stuff like that.
I don’t recall ever saying “cover up” (regarding clothing), especially wouldnt say it in an imposing way I don’t like to talk in impositions that kill a person’s invidivuality or there’s smth like you know that feels like it kills you when someone commands you. I don’t like to impose on people in that way.
If she cheats, Im not gonna attack, physically emeotionally or otherwise abuse , im not looking to hurt someone I love (besides BDSM and that stuff you know). Men have been allowed to have many wives but wives only 1 husband. I didn’t become christian bc I wanted to opress or restrict women but I believe bad things happen when you sin.
Is reflective and tries to not mistreat others
body count? Isn’t it irrelevant if she’s the right one, I never cared if she’d be a virgin until I understood more about christianity and the spirit world.
I need to be properly emotionally supported, and I want and hope to be good in her life too. I can also have irrational emotions where ik now something is not so but I am procsesing those emotions a certain way you know.
I am interested in very dark and mature topics and things, even if there are times where I may not be able to handle them properly.
Ive been interested in esoterics, occult and c0n5p1r4c135 and I do believe the c0n5p1r4c135 are real and this is important to me.
I don’t care if she talks to others to men or has male friends, idk if I even carei if she’s flirting, there’s no intention to cheat so why would I care??
I can flirt with others too but I haven’t done it much out of concern of leading them on + it doesn’t by itself have any intentions to do anything further. i can be possessive but it will be in the cute way and it can be fun to tease or be teased like that maybe idk but i dont want ot be abusive posessive.
i have female friends she can have male friends that doesn't mean anything and i find the discussions regarding that ridiculous, maybe very low vibrational or of low conscience. i havent done anything with any of them ever except with 1 who is kinda like a relationship but there's painful and difficult topic and even then not physically tho we never met physically.
If its God’s will for her to be with me and she messes up then I will just forgive her. I don’t care to check her phone besides out of curiosity, I think all those games are very below me and maybe obviously should be below anyone who claims to be in a christian marriage, granted im careful regarding eating my words.
I have to eat mostly carnivore diet with vegetables, some fruits and carbs sometimes for my health, but I have nothing against vegans if they are actaully healthy, also I know a lot of ppl can not be healthy on a vegan diet based on long story also some even on the carnivore maybe, im open to sharing details at some point but maybe not worth it here.
ethically wild, I can handle dark humor, I have enjoyed it and used it a lot myself, im not legalistic christian (if you know what that is) but im still trying to be right than wrong so I want discernment on the issue and how to handle it, if smth is actually wrong then I will try to just not do it.
I don’t care if she shaves or not.
I don’t like it when ppl make the same kind of jokes or have the same locked in interests that don’t evolve or aren’t inherently somehow stimulating and genuine. For example ofc I understand enjoying the same food or listening to the same music (except ofc that can get old at some point). I understand what feels samey to a person can vary between people and across time, but I don’t think I mean that. If a bunch of ppl make the same kind of jokes and turn it into something hierarchical and baisc, like they think everything else is dumb cuz theyh aren’t open to perspectives, ideas, growth and improvement hence they fixate on doing the same thing thats too bland over and over.
A lot of ppl have very juvenile if thats even the right word mentality to look down on others for vapid reasons including interests, when you don’t even understand them. while ive had those intrusions I figured its wrong and foolish to just give into such a lowly hostile urge, whilst I understand being overwhelmed and misreacting/just getting mad at smth for no raeson but u can figure out u shouldn’t be mad or its not that deep.
Ive looked donw on ppl for thing I saw as them being lowly about it like getting high off of the same joke instead of improving ur brain cuz I think u can even feel like when u are stupidifying urself and ingoring improvements just to do the same thing over and over again, like u can prolly feel like smth inside telling u maybe u should look elsewhere now or this could be betteur losing cognition bc ur stupidifying urself. I understand again being overwhelmed and looking for some stability but I don’t think that susually it. Al ot of those ppl may be doing the same stupid things to be liked by others and t hus disingenuous to their real self, bc as soon as u start growing improving going in different directions ppl start getting weirded out and ostracizing u. I look down on that.
I don’t need her to shave. Idk if I wont find some body hair too extreme, but so far I haven’t
! respect boundaries. If one of us doesn’t want something or anyhthing at all be it months or years even that should be respected. This is for love first not exploitation. Not any exploitation from either side and look for each other’s well being.
I want to have her walk around the place flashing me, trying to tease me and show off her body in various and subtle ways. She can be naked too if she wants or wear anything she wants
I think how someone moves can be very attractive and also developed, this goes for me too
I want to learn to dance so we can have fun and I can arouse her
I think women have qualities and do things in a way I value, enjoy and admire
I think men and women have different patterns in positive and negative ways (with individual differences of course too) and analysing them and acknowledging them with honest attempt to understand is not wrong, while exploitation abuse and denial is wrong.
if im smarter than her I recognize she can have important and valuable things to say, similarly if she’s smarter than me she also doesn’t know everything and isn’t abusive about it
about money, I have wanted money to help myself and others, not out of greed I think.
I have thought of if I need or have to or if its better to to live in the right kind of community. Takes a village to raise a child but maybe even to function, maybe the people who function not in it are the abnormal ones. I don’t think of a cold community or one that forces warmth and makes you sick, there’s a kind of higher understanding or spirituality.
I don’t mind if she’s richer smarter or more competent than me. I however want to be richer smarter and more competent regarding improving myself and growing, not to feel less insecure than her, and of course I want those things so ican be able to support her and others too anyway.
I don’t mind if she’s a girlboss or not or whatever I think its irrelevant and If she has gifts and drive and doing God’s will why would that be bad? Of course I don’t want her to be stressed out
I don’t wear deodorant or fake odors, maybe if they were natural or non toxic. I also don’t like perfume and would prolly prefer if she doesn’t use it but idk.
I think children are a very serious matter, over time in my life I was thinking about how I’d do things differently and how I’d treat children and communicate and teach them, and I’d feel like I’d see how other ppl are failing children and also children are not attempting to learn how to treat their future children or other children or ppl better like it’s weird but I think someone is going to get what I mean. Bc of my physical and mental issues I am concerned how well I wil lbe able to take care of children of course I hope to improve and God to heal me.
I don’t want my weird movements adjustments or whatever to be judged.
I don’t mind pets or maybe even can enjoy them but again am a bit concerned about my health issues. I don’t have allergies to animals that I know of. I don’t like making their health worse I don’t like selective breeding for that reason unless you’re selecting for improving health maybe.
I am usually not afraid of bugs but I don’t like killing them. If its pests like bed bugs or some kind of infestation it can make sense, but I don’t like killing random harmless spiders or others. Maybe if harmful even I’d prefer to take them away. No im not afraid of bees or wasps esp if they are alone or very small numbers, tho I may prefer to not be around a hive.
emotionally sophisticated and doesn’t criticize my whining, while my whining isn’t attempting to get her attention, pull or control her. If I need some sort of emotional support I can ask and if she is able to provide it then she is, and if she has to prioritize something else I understand and I mean I genuinely understand. Emotional support should be mutual and not leeching. I understand it may not be completely equal or if its not possible to be, but we should both care as much as we can in our respective situations.
needs to care about her health, I don’t mean exercise and exercises can be damaging and forced too, thus again neesd to care to even know of that/unless she’s managing to be really fine anyway. I am not against smokers or alcoholics, but I’d prefer it if she stops. I want her to be happy and healthy.
If she’s over or underweight bc of health issues I understand
I don’t drive part related to health issues and concern it may be too dangerous for me to drive.
God first. I don’t believe anything works without him.
I won’t k1ll her if she cheats nor 4bus3 her. I am saying bc I thought some men hide things and reveal them after they are deep. I don’t want ot be like that.
Ive had emotional and rage issues about perceived injustices (towards me and others, even when im not lcose to them or don’t know them. I have thought and speculated maybe I care more with strong emotions about ppl that I’ve never met or are very far away than most people directly that I have observed and felt out of place for it.) and I know sometimes I wasn’t actually right other times I wanted to know what is the right thing to do say and experss cuz I had thoughts like if I hurt them they wont get better, they may even get worse, I don’t even enjoy hurting ppl especially in the brain or if its smth permanent (even if I believe God can heal, ive even had angry thoughts ofc like if He can heal why don’t I beat these wrong doers up cuz they have no qualms about doing it to others unfairly He can just heal them, I also thought if I had the right words and perception I could lead them away from their wicked ways) , and sometimes I wasn’t able to, ive physically hurt people out of being pushed too much and rage and with that I think I have let people off and not confronted them a lot in part bc I wasnt sure if I was even right to confront them other parts bc ofc of fear they will mistreat me if I reveal I think what they did or said was wrong instead of discussing it and thinking about it/ they already expressed they didn’t care or justified it in twisted ways that im not sure I could argue with or if thats even human.
I have to live and I think everyone in a spacious place. Too narrow will cause muscle issues and variety of issues that will worsen over time you are not sick becaues you are old you are sick because you ignroe and distort your body. I didn’t last long at all, some ppl last longer than me just to make excuses that im lazy + their brain melts and they don’t use it much anyway so superficially they last.
Im anti v4xx I think a lot of health info is a scam and ive experienced it and saw others experience it, I think some things can be true or not have better ways at a moment to deal with some issues but it doesn’t mean its not inherently flawed or manipulated information to make u a lil bit less sick or make u sick in a different veiled way even if it makes it “better” in some kind of way, I don’t mean its ok to let someone die or suffer more bc of too much skepticism, my point is I believe in honesty and integirty cuz u cant heal soemone with lies,
and medicine like other sciences is corrupted . be careful and discerning unfortunately u cant leave ur health in the hands of conventional doctors u have to research and fight for urself.
I have experienced various synchonicities. I think God has helped me and guided me.
Throw things away and tidy when we’re ready to. Tired or health issues is not the same as lazy. No tartorship or tyranny about it. Im not growing black mold either ofc
if a woman gets SA’d, and she doesn’t want to tell exactly what happenned, but she wants help, is it right for her to be upset at you and hide information, provided you live in the 20^th century without internet and much media information, and if you don’t have personal experiences with SA or almost anyone has ever talked about it to you in your life, and you are just confused at why this person is refusing to communicate, and u have to take care of this and that issue, yet u don’t know if they are mad at u even for something that’s not even your fault or related to you if that happens a lot, then then u pressure her too much and now she’s hurt, you didn’t even think to make the situation accessible bc u’ve never even heard about that. If someone has an issue and they don’t tell your previous experiences and imagination so far suggest that they have stolen smth or messed up smth and don’t want to talk out of selfishness, not even bc they are scared of you.
I think I have went through humiliation, and doing things I didn’t want to, and failure to do what I wanted and weakness, to the point of not being able to process things and I think losing braincells and personality bc of it, trying to recover it and my functioning and health. I think most ppl are too fake and superficial, not learning anything maybe. Not reflecting, not trying, if they have gone throuhg something like that I think some people amy be just letting themselves go insane and hurt others while in denial instead of processing it, while I understad how difficult is to process it especially when people around you shame you and oppress you for it. I think I need someone who has at least the cognitive understanding for that. I don’t want to put others down for enjoying things.
Ive liked variety of media and art over time, vareity of criticising it and ideas of improving it too, and lately after understanding more about the world and Jesus Christ some of it was interestingly seen in different light. Also over the years I may have seen media nad the world in different light. I have synesthesia autism, adhd and maybe some form of OCD, besides maybe others. I’ve beebn able to induce things in my mind and some information that seemed so obvious to me others had said they realized from psychedelics, you have probably already heard some people’s minds can work like that too. Well some of the media is ofc immature since it doesn’t align with christian principels that seem true after trying to understand more and and a lot of the media is for brainwashing
ive wanted to do art music dancing and others but have struggled with health issues that I hope to resolve. If she wants to do any I am generally worried about toxicity from paint so I wouldn’t use it and wouldn’t recommend using it.
Semi ex astrologer. Bc im not sure if its all considered divination since I’ve had synchonicities related to it that I’ve felt like or wondered if God sent them to me. I do think He communicates with us somehow in various ways.
I think its importan tto be able to explain to a child why something is or isnt a certain way, bc I felt alienated from a lot of christians who just seemed to “know” things and judge things as evil or whatever with no explanation and cringe when I ask for one. I als orealize it can be hard to talk about, both bc of the content, how traumatising can be to think about again and again from an adult’s perspective + being too busy or struggle too much, not able to expalin anyinthg and everything one thinks.
I have health issues that can make it hard to think or process emotions bc of maladjustment in my cranial bones related to the whole body and pinched nerves and wiring issues, that I hope to resolve , and may need miracle healing for some of the damage, this is also why i write this way in the state i am its difficult and straining to write and use the exact corrects words and format everything in perfect order
I don’t want to hold her back from God in any way.
I sought for spiritual answers if spirituality was real until I started figuring out more and then about witchcraft, but I observed patterns in my life regarding a sin I was commiting and other reasons that made me think that it can’t be a coincidence any more + someone claiming he stopped m4g1c p0rt4l by saying “Christ is King” (but I will say Jesus Christ) and that the bible was telling the truth. The bible had upset me before in part due to things taken out of context and difficulty understanding, and of course Jesus does things a bit differently than the old testament, even if the law is still important, He teaches forgiveness.
I care a lot about the gifts of the spirit and the presence of God in my life but also in everyone else’s.
I think awareness or pcoessing of emotional nuance and self control are attractive as well as being free spirited but not exploitative
I don’t smoke or drink or do drugs I don’t even take medicine nor intend to for the most part, I don’t judge anyone who does but I’d discourage them. If my wife does I’d discourage her, I wont pester her about it unless I get discernment that I should and that it will be helpful, but I won’t judge her and I never judged anyone who did, except when they were hypocrites. I have never ingested more than a small cup iirc, if even that from alcohol and only on occassions, and then barely on any occassions. I have never smoked a cig or a joint or anything besides 2^nd hand air. I stopped taking medication for illnesses years ago and I only took sweet drugs as a child bc they were sweet after being told not to.
I have however engaged in various parts and ways of PMO for various reasons
I think everything we have is given to us by God, or if we eorked for it opportunities or what was needed to achieve it was also given, so no one can be proud.
I have done weird things for health, personal amusement and other reasons includingi finding people who may relate and enjoy them but have been accused of attention seeking and I find that deeply repulsive because im sorry for trying to find people to connect with? I didn’t push things that others arent intersted in on them, I was jst trying to exist, some ppl don’t make the difference bc they have a really small world and don’t even think about others much and why they do what they do thus make the wrong assumtpions and attempt to harass and antagonize you. I find that very repulsive simultaneously ive known what other people’s intentions and results of actions and thoughts would be, and they would be confused and hostile towards me for acting like I know them, but I DID. And what I thought would happen happenned so I was just used and hurt and bc they are soo deep in to their own mess they don’t realize what they are doing wrong and a lot of the time don’t even remember that I said what would happen. Ive spent too much time and effort on ppl hoping they would change. I am not looking to be used up by a partner nonetheless. I don’t pretend to know everyhting or be perfecct but I think some ppl are so lost, esp after ive been also judged for my mistakes and not explained like I deserve respect so many times.
Narcissist abuse mention below line warning. Hoenstly you shouldn’te ven read it because I am concerned it may just upset you. I am posting it because I think its important to show that I am aware. Specifiaclly mentions narcissistic “whatever” podcast men who project it on the women.
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Ive had a habit over the years of engaging with media that infuriates me bc I overthink how to react in those situations bc I don’t understand how that in front of me can be a human being with a brain who cares about others and if I showed distress or anger I’d be judged and harassed for it again, despite them being harassers and controllers I nthe first place, and I am afraid of forgetting about it and walking into such situation and being unable to control it. For example the “whatever” podcast the narcissist men were saying in an imposing way how a woman only thinks for herslf bc she wanted to be aborted bc her mother didn’t have neough money to raise her. Obviously u need money to raise someone properly for various reasons, and if he himself odenst understand that a lot of ppl like that are controlling demanding and imposing, while bitter about the sacrifices their toxic environmetns forced them to make (or they made out of their own inferiority hopelessness and lack of faith) or weere actually spoiled, but bc of that they imposed themselves on other people bc I know such ppl and how they grow up and how they treat other children, and are “thankful for being alive”, but obviously don’t have enough empathy for someone who is emotionally intelligent and has struggled to not be exactly like them, bnc those ppl also harass and abuse minorities and vulnerable groups and I have storie about that dotn wanna get into, and they pretend they don’t know what im saying when I do. No I shouldn’t have to remember everything u did and ddi wrong with ur life to expali nto you how you are mistreating me and beg for you to stop. This is a narcissist. I don’t like abortion after understanding that it’s actually alive very early own and has a soul already I think or smth, but before I didn’t know that when I was more justifying it, but I can explain to someone, instead of abusing them into making them lose any ounce of respect for themselves, bc growing up in harsh environment can also often invite other people to mistreat you, even if not always the case.
Bc of ppl like that cotnrolling my own life Ive also had a lot of bitterness and thoughts of revenge and this is part realted to my health issues, and there’s evil that I don’t know if ppl do it just bc they don’t understand genuinely, bc its demons or bc they have to be done something actually important for. I knew better as a child than 30 something year old men, and I have all these issues and I am still better, how can they justify it now? So I have wanted discernment regarding what should be done about various issues. No I will not talk to you or bother you with the dark stuff over and over again I even try to avoid it or build self control bc it can make you go insane im just putting it here to show that I am at least aware and thoughtful of that.

(I understand this is a bit of a read so I included a tl:dr at the bottom)
This may end up becoming a wall of text so I apologize in advance. I'm not sure how to properly start this so I'll just jump into it. I've been living with my best friends for the past 8 years. The 4 of us moved in together in early 2016 after deciding it would be beneficial financially and because we all get along so damn well that we knew there wouldn't be any issues living under the same roof. Fast forward to today and although 2 them have moved out, I'm still living here with my one buddy and his girlfriend. Things are still great there, no signs of friendship deterioration, tolerance or anything that might cause friction between us. However, I've been witness to a few things as well as started experiencing health issues that have completely changed the outlook I had on life back when we moved in together nearly a decade ago.
A little over 3 years ago I began dealing with awful IBS issues that to this day are still not properly being treated as doctors can't figure out what's wrong with my gut. Over the past 4 months I have begun dealing with nearly debilitating anxiety that has left me pretty much unable to leave the house except for doctor's appointments or the extremely occasional outing to a family or friend's house where I'm only able to stay for about an hour before having to leave. I do see a psychologist as well as a psychiatrist and I am on medication for both the IBS and anxiety, which helps but is in no way a cure. Due to these issues, I have become a shell of the person I used to be. No longer do I wake up and just decide to take a drive to the Jersey shore, a trip to Six Flags or head into the city to catch a Phillies game. Instead, I sit in the house and play video games or watch youtube as doing almost anything else is sure to set my anxiety or IBS off which may or may not land me in the ER.
My buddy that I still live with has been through absolute hell the past few years but luckily he's the kind of person who can just raw dog life (as in, he doesn't deal with any physical or mental issues, rarely gets sick and has no trouble going anywhere, doing anything, can eat whatever he wants without issues, etc.). He lost his mom to cancer last year. She passed exactly one week after Mother's Day. She lived here with us for about the final year of her life. Me and him have been friends for a good 20+ years at this point so his mom was like a mother to me as well, especially being as I don't have a proper relationship with my own mother. Watching her suffer through years of cancer only to pass away at 54 years old was heartbreaking. At least she's finally at peace now, of course. Now, his dad is also going through cancer treatment which is a recurrence of cancer that was found years ago, which automatically makes it stage 4. His prognosis is not grim but to many of us, his dad just seems done with it all. He stays here with us on weekends and with his sister during the week. We can see how much of a toll it's all taking on him. He won't admit it but we know that he doesn't want to put his son through all of this again after losing his mom just last year. If he was given a choice to "go" right now, he would take it, 100% to alleviate any more potential suffering at his or anyone else's behalf. His (my friend's) girlfriend also deals with chronic health issues both physical and mental which has helped open his eyes to the things that other people (who can't just raw dog life) go through on a daily basis. She lost her father when she was in her early 20s so it's helpful to him that she understands what losing a parent feels like.
Watching all of this happen just makes me realize how little our health care industry and government actually seem to care about our true wishes regarding life and death. Why did his mom have to suffer all those years with a terminal diagnosis? Why does his dad have to suffer now? Just because they're both in their 50s and not elderly it seems like care is always about treatment and not giving them the option to leave this life with their dignity intact. I myself would choose to leave this world if the door was opened for me. That does not mean that I am currently having thoughts of killing myself. It means that if the option was presented to me, to go out on my own terms, I would take it. Suicide is still extremely taboo in our society for some reason. Religion and government would have you think it is a crime against humanity but what is more humane than letting someone decide on their own terms that they're ready to move on? We are given this broad illusion of choice as children that we will get to grow up to be who we want to be and if we just try hard enough, we can accomplish anything. But for the vast majority of us, that is just not true. It is an illusion. We work and work and work just to barely earn enough money to survive and many end up in unhappy marriages solely because that's what society made them think they had to do as an adult.
Watching someone you love like family suffer and die will change you. Developing health issues that flip you from being someone outgoing, spontaneous. hard working and passionate into the complete opposite of those things will change you. Discovering that our healthcare system and government will do everything it possibly can to keep you as a "functioning member of society" no matter whether you're going through cancer treatment or dealing with chronic health issues will change you.
I'm 37 years old and I've never felt older in my life than I do right now. It's been almost 3 months that I've been on FMLA from work for the second time in 3 years. I'm wearing a heart monitor because my cardiologist wants to rule out any issues as my heart racing/palpitations are most likely just due to anxiety. Medication doesn't feel like it's doing much of anything and I'm watching the people around me grow older and deal with new problems every day. Yet our society says that we must keep going, no matter if you're suffering because the gears must keep turning. If we truly have the choice to do whatever we want to do in life, why aren't we allowed the choice to leave when we are ready? Why is it taboo? People kill themselves in horrific fashion every single day, more than once every *minute* worldwide. They want a way to fix that and the solution is right there in front of them. Give people the option to leave on their own terms. I've had plenty of conversations about this with friends and family and almost every single one of us would choose to leave on our own terms, when we are ready if the option were available. Hell, even my psychologist agrees with me on this. There's always a big debate about the ethics of it all but until you witness firsthand someone suffering and dying or begin dealing with your own health issues there really isn't any way to understand it. The vast majority of people are out there just raw dogging life and thoughts like these never cross their mind even once. But once it's brought up to them, they understand and accept it, at least in my own personal experiences from talking with friends and family. Ethics, health, religion, government, society, all of these things play a role in determining our fate. I just hope that someday a program is put in place so that people no longer have to suffer.
Finishing up, I understand that my condition is nowhere near as bad as what many others may be dealing with. Some people will look at me with disdain for wanting to walk through the door at only 37 years old while others will understand exactly where I'm coming from and feel the same. Everyone is entitled to their beliefs. I am appreciative of the healthcare system while also criticizing its flaws. I'm glad that religion provides so many with the means to live a happy and healthy life while also believing that many views (and laws) put forth by religious folk are vile and extremely outdated. I am glad that there are systems in place to help people in their darkest hours while also understanding completely why so many choose to leave. At 37 I still have plenty of my life left ahead of me, even if I don't want to get old. I still have things to look forward to such as video game releases or a new series to watch that keep me going. But I also acknowledge that there is a part of me that is ready to go. I have seen what life has to offer. I have lived with my family, on my own, while in a relationship and with my best friends. I do not want to get married or have kids. I do not want to work until I'm 65 (retirement age is likely to rise during my lifetime anyway). I do not want to get old and become a burden on anyone, either family/friends, healthcare workers or the average citizens who would have to pay for my social security.
Lose the illusion of choice and give people the option to go when they are ready.
If you managed to read through all of that, I just want to say thanks! Life is a beautiful thing and I am incredibly thankful for all of the amazing people I've met over the years and for the things that I've been able to do and see. This is not a post about wanting to commit suicide, it's main focus should be that we are forced into this world against our will and given the illusion of choice but when it comes down to it, we really don't have that much choice in how we live our lives and especially not when it comes to wanting it to end. Life can be incredibly fragile and many of us took that for granted until health issues decided it was time to show their ugly faces. I truly do not believe that feeling like you are ready to go should be considered taboo in any way. It should be something that everyone is provided a safe and comfortable space to discuss, whether with loved ones or medical professionals. For all of you out there just raw dogging life, I see you and I hope that someday I can get back to that, I really do miss being able to do whatever I wanted without a second thought. And of course, for anyone who knows what it feels like to be ready to go, to feel confident and comfortable with that decision, I see you as well and hope that the rest of society someday sees that as normal.
tl:dr I am 37 years old and over the past half decade I've watched family and people who were like family to me suffer and die from cancer or other health-related issues. I also deal with debilitating anxiety and IBS issues which obviously are nowhere near the level of something like cancer. However, I've discovered I have a feeling of "being ready to go" and I believe that people should be able to choose to leave this life with dignity and on their own terms without having to do something horrific. The healthcare industry, religious beliefs or government should not force us to remain here against our own free will just so we can keeps the gears of society turning. Let people leave on their own terms when they know that they are ready and get rid of the stigma surrounding talking about death.

My mother-in-law has been negligent during my wife's entire life. She was frequently absent for long periods of time during my wife's childhood leaving her to take care of her little sister. MIL has seen us one time, briefly, in the 10 years we have been together when she invited us to her wedding, and she had no time to socialize with us so we were left to our own devices in a party of strangers in the other side of the country. Occasionally they will text with each other, and she has sent us a few gifts over the years, mostly to our three children that she has never met.
My sister-in-law is just as bad. Even though my wife practically raised her and nursed her through some serious injuries, she has not seen us in 6 years when she came into town for a concert and took the time to stop by.
Both of them have traveled within 100 miles of us multiple times in the past decade. They both travel frequently and often and there really is no reason that they should not have been able to stop by.
This week my sister-in-law ended up in the hospital and my mother-in-law dropped everything to fly across the country to be with her. She has never done that for my wife, not even through two very difficult pregnancies.
My wife has stopped following them on social media but she will not block them. She can't describe why she will not block them completely but it basically has boiled down to she is waiting for them to change.
So wibta if I messaged my mother-in-law and asked her to block my wife so that she doesn't have to deal with this anymore?
Edit: Consensus is definitely that I would be the asshole. I'm not trying to start drama, but it's hard watching my wife go through this for so long. I'm going to keep pushing her towards no contact, but you're right that it needs to be her decision. Thank you everyone for a bit of perspective, but fuck you, Ms. DeVille.

I asked chatGPT this question: My wife cried this mother's day because she was jealous that my mother takes care of me while she has to take care of her mother. My mother spoils me when I come over to her house, randomly buys me groceries when she has a generous urge, and pays my phone and gym bill while I'm in college. She would do anything for me. She is a saint and I'm very lucky to have her as a mother. My wife's mother depends on my wife to function day to day. My wife takes care of her other siblings, plans all the family get togethers, looks out for her half brother in high school, while taking care of her own 6 year old child. My wife once had to pretend to be her mother because her half brother got into some trouble at high school and her mother was too afraid to talk with the counselor. I told my wife that my mother is her mother now. And that my family loves and accepts her as one of their own. How can I ask my mother to treat my wife like she's her daughter? What are some good mothedaughter activates that they can do together? Not that my mother doesn't treat my wife with kindness, she does, I just want them to form a stronger bond and for my wife to not think of my mother as an in-law and start thinking of her as a mother.
chatGPT response: It sounds like you're in a complex situation, but it's wonderful that you want to foster a stronger bond between your wife and your mother. Here are some steps you can take:

1. Open Communication: Have an honest conversation with both your wife and your mother separately. Explain your desire for them to have a closer relationship and express how important it is to you.
2. Express Gratitude: Make sure both your wife and your mother understand how much you appreciate their roles in your life. Let them know that you value their relationship and want to see it grow.
3. Facilitate Quality Time: Encourage them to spend time together doing activities they both enjoy. This could be anything from cooking together, going for walks, attending a class or workshop, or simply having coffee and chatting.
4. Include Both Families: Plan family gatherings or outings where both your wife's and your mother's families can come together. This will help them bond in a more relaxed setting and see each other as part of the same extended family.
5. Show Support: Be there to support both your wife and your mother as they navigate their relationship. Offer reassurance and encouragement as they work towards building a stronger bond.

As for mother-daughter activities, here are some ideas:

1. Shopping: Whether it's for clothes, home decor, or groceries, shopping together can be a fun bonding experience.
2. Cooking or Baking: Spend a day in the kitchen cooking up some family recipes or trying out new ones together.
3. Crafting or DIY Projects: Get creative with some crafting projects or tackle some DIY home improvement tasks together.
4. Spa Day: Treat them to a spa day or create a DIY spa experience at home with facials, manicures, and relaxation techniques.
5. Outdoor Adventures: Go for a hike, have a picnic in the park, or explore a nearby botanical garden together.

Remember to be patient and understanding as they navigate their relationship. Building strong bonds takes time and effort from all parties involved.
I'm going to take the AI's advice but, I was hoping that someone, who has gone through something similar, could share what helped their spouse form a stronger bond with their in-laws. Some background information: my wife is in her 20s, my mother is in her 50s and married to my father, and we live in Kentucky.

Just finished the first season, I’ll get it out of the way that I really enjoyed the show overall, they did a great job adapting the source material and created an original and engaging story without relying too much on the previous game knowledge.
My main disappointment with the show is how they portrayed the NCR and to a lesser point the enclave. I like that they didn’t do huge exposition dumps but the show does a really poor job of showing the how these factions developed and what their goals are. I was very excited to see a developed wasteland society and how that would contend with the main characters from the vault. The NCR is supposed to have 5 populated states, a senate, organized currency and law. It doesn’t really make sense that one seemingly survivable nuke would reduce them to a platoon of 30ish ragtag fighters. They made a point to show that at one point they were strong and populous, but the show having a few characters reference it doesn’t do the complexity and intricate interesting details justice. I wanted to see an exploration of the NCR facing vault Tec, pre war power against a flawed society largely based on pre war values, how would they agree? what hypocrisies would be revealed?
Having shady sands be nuked felt like a weird redundant cop out, maybe they didn’t have the budget or something.
They cut the NCR to create their own boring OC in Moldaver who barely made any sense. Furthermore they never even explained how moldaver survived to the show or how she became the flame mother or even what the enclave is, there were some dropped balls that were very disappointing.

Just finished the first season, I’ll get it out of the way that I really enjoyed the show overall, they did a great job adapting the source material and created an original and engaging story without relying too much on the previous game knowledge.
My main disappointment with the show is how they portrayed the NCR and to a lesser point the enclave. I like that they didn’t do huge exposition dumps but the show does a really poor job of showing the how these factions developed and what their goals are. I was very excited to see a developed wasteland society and how that would contend with the main characters from the vault. The NCR is supposed to have 5 populated states, a senate, organized currency and law. It doesn’t really make sense that one seemingly survivable nuke would reduce them to a platoon of 30ish ragtag fighters. They made a point to show that at one point they were strong and populous, but the show having a few characters reference it doesn’t do the complexity and intricate interesting details justice. I wanted to see an exploration of the NCR facing vault Tec, pre war power against a flawed society largely based on pre war values, how would they agree? what hypocrisies would be revealed?
Having shady sands be nuked felt like a weird redundant cop out, maybe they didn’t have the budget or something.
They cut the NCR to create their own boring OC in Moldaver who barely made any sense. Furthermore they never even explained how moldaver survived to the show or how she became the flame mother or even what the enclave is, there were some dropped balls that were very disappointing.