Just as the title says.
I’ve just turned 32, I’m married and we have a toddler. Life’s pretty great, we have a nice house, car, I’m studying at university. The only thing missing is some nice friends.
I enjoy a good debate, philosophical or just general chit chat. My music taste ranges from indie to metal. I love reading though I haven’t had time to read in ages as toddlers, work and studying is keeping me quite busy. I like to play games such as house flipper (boring I know) and walking simulators. I also enjoy house decor and DIYing. Currently also trying to work on my physique and become a bit more athletic. Not really big on TV unless it’s an amazing series then I love to binge watch.
I’m not originally from the UK but have lived here for around 13 years now. Family lives in different countries so not having much social contact through them and it can feel quite isolating!
I’m happy to exchange texts/chats etc, preferably with people around my own age.
No creepy people or people looking for hookups or whatever. I’m married and not interested in anything but platonic friendships!
Feel free to DM me.

Platform(s): Free Web Browser
Genre: Text-based Choice Adventure
Estimated year of release: I think I played it around 2016-2018 give or take
Graphics/art style: Purely text
Notable characters:
When you first wake up you meet your dorm roommate. They looked depressed and looked like they've been through a lot which is apparently out of the ordinary. And they said something weird like how nothing matters and you won't remember anyway. But after your first death, they looked happy and well like they usually do and denied knowing anything when questioned It's implied that they stuck on a loop first but it somehow passed to you.
Notable gameplay mechanics: I remember that it's just text with options given to you. No inventory or anything.
Other details:
Okay, stay with me because this post might be a bit rambly and my English sucks. So, I think I remember it starting with us waking up in our dorm room and seeing our roommate depressed. We had to go and choose one of 3 things to study. I remember two of them being a warrioknight, and the other magic-based, but I can't remember the other one. We go through life when a war breaks out, depending on the choices we either escape or die. Then we wake up at the start of the game but our memories remain. We have to try and stop the end of the world and stuff or they have to relive it again. You can befriend and romance (?) the characters and it's pretty emotional in some parts. Depending on your choices at the beginning of the game, you can either participate in the war itself as a warrior. Or you can even try and run away to live the rest of your life in peace. But no matter what you do, the loops keep repeating. We can use our memories to try and stop bad things from happening, or the other way around. A specific plot point I can remember is that in one timeline I decided to run away and live the rest of my life in peace because I was sick of looping. Eventually, the end of the world starts and I die again. The end of the words happens when a giant ball of fire appears in the sky. I'm unsure if it's the sun or something else. There's also a plot where the enemy tries to sneak in invasive flowers. Plants? ( I'm not sure but it was bad) via trade and we know that it would be bad for the city because it happened in the previous timeline. So we were like "Oh no, don't take those" but the guards don't take us seriously cause we're a stranger and can't explain why the carts are bad. But in another timeline, we were knowledgeable in science and stuff so we were able to convince the guards why they're bad and we saved the city.
I'm googling this game nonstop and it's driving me insane. I also might be misremembering some details so if you know a game similar to this feel free to comment! Thank you.

NSFW Warning
I truly don't know what to do anymore, I'm completely lost.
I'm a 20 year old male with autism and possible OCD.
There are many things I want to talk about so this is going to be really long and unorganised.
From age 18 up until last year, I viewed and masturbated to CSAM, and the way I went about getting hold of it is equally bad, if not worse. I cannot express in words the shame and remorse I feel for this.
I know most of you hate me now and I don't blame you, and I guarantee you I hate myself more for it.
The most confusing part about it is I don't find children attractive, there's no groinal response, urges, desires, arousal, nothing. I don't even take a second glance or stare, the only thing I have is intrusive thoughts. Recently I was sat in the corner of a crowded bus, and since there was nowhere else to sit, three boys, none of which could have been older than 13 sat by me, one next to me, and the other two across from me, to which I felt nothing of that nature whatsoever.
My instincts when I've been around children in recent times is purely parental and protective.
I'd never hurt a child, especially in that way, I'd slit my wrists or set myself on fire before I did that, I might just slit my wrists anyway.
I'd run into a burning building, I'd run out onto a busy road, I'd give my life to save a child's life.
I don't go out of my way to be around children, I find them for the most part irritating, I don't hate them though. Throughout my entire life I preferred the company of adults. I even live across from a playground ffs.
I'm scarred for life by some of the things I saw in those images and videos, how the hell could someone do something like that?! I want to climb through the screen and protect those kids, give them a hug and let them know nothing can hurt them anymore.
I stumbled across an image hosting site when I was 16 whilst trying to find material involving my peers again, and the site hosted lots of cropped images of teens on webcams and older kids on webcams (it was obvious what they were doing), and on the page for the accounts, it usually displayed an email where stuff could be traded, but I didn't pursue that until 2 years later.
I went about acquiring it through sending old images and videos of myself, and in a lot worse way as well.
Starting from 14 up until last year, I very occasionally placed my phone in the bathroom and filmed my friends urinating, this happened definitely less than ten times, and most of them I deleted from everywhere, but I kept one and a screenshot of a few others, I started posting these images, as well as my own nudes, on an old reddit account which was deleted not long after, I made sure to hide their identities while doing this, I enjoyed the attention and compliments I would get, and I loved bigging up my friends and seeing them get compliments.
Then I used this content to acquire the bad stuff years later, including the stuff of me.
I had an Idea that this was considered wrong but I didn't understand how it could have been harmful.
This happened to less than 5 friends, all the content I had I have long since deleted and wiped any access to, and I have no intention to do this again, but the main issue is the fact that copies could have been made of it, and I accidentally sent the uncropped video once. There's the possibility none of this stuff is out there, but it's still vile and repulsive.
One of them was my closest friend, who I had known basically all my life, I broke down to him and told him what I had done and what I believe does me to this awful, reprehensible place, and you know what he did? He told me he forgave me and that some video possibly being out there doesn't phase him and his life isn't ruined at all and it will go on either way.
But he understandably said we can't see each other anymore, that he still loves me, believes I'm a good person and wants me to live a good life and make the world a better place, which was a dream of ours.
It's extra difficult because we were so close, we had experienced so much together, held all the same interests and beliefs, and I loved him only like family could, so the fact I committed this vile act of betrayal rids me with so much shame, and deservedly so. In a way I find it harder to get through because I didn't understand the true consequences of my actions and how this could have affected him and others, it would be less confusing and easier to accept I'm just the lowest form of humanity that way.
I displayed other problematic behaviours from a young age, all to do with boundary issues, I sometimes used to touch my friends when I was 12 but never their actual genitals, and I used to jokingly show my erection to people as well.
The only constant that I knew for certain is wrong is genuine rape and molestation, which is a line I know for certain I could never cross, and never will.
From a very young age (around 3 or 4) my mother would do very inappropriate party tricks around me with her friends late at night when they were drinking, her friends would call me sexy, and as I got older and hit puberty, she started making comments about my bulge and other things despite the fact I hated it and told her so.
When I was 7 I was groomed and molested by an 8 year old boy, I wanted him to help me pass a level on my DS game and he said he'll do it if I have sex with him, me being 7 I didn't understand what that was and with him being older I complied. We were naked during this, he fondled my genitals and got me to do the same to him, he inserted his fingers into my anus as well.
When I was 10, two of my close friends groomed me, they simulated blowjobs on each other and got me to do the same to them.
When I was 11, my 12 year old friend groomed and molested me despite me protesting, he got me to get in my bed with him and he rubbed up against me. Earlier that day he also got me to sit in his lap whilst cuddling me from behind, we were wearing underwear.
When I was 13, that same friend when he was nearly 14 and another friend who was already 14 groomed and molested me in my pool again, I had an erection in the pool and jokingly showed one of them it, and it escalated from there. They both got naked and got me to do so, I protested but eventually gave in to the pressure, they also showed each other their genitals and got me to do the same, later that boy got me to sit in his lap again whilst the older boy rubbed up against me.
There was also just the normal experimenting stuff, one of my friends used to show me his erections and I would do the same.
All of my friends were going through puberty and their bodies were changing and so was mine, which I found incredibly fascinating and arousing, and I had seen most of my friends genitals and some other students genitals throughout growing up, so me being young and autistic, I became very curious.
Kids before finishing Elementary/Primary School were swearing and talking about sex, then as I got older (11) kids were drinking, smoking, doing drugs, talking about masturbation habits and apparently having genuine sex. Then by the time I was 13, there was a lot of students taking nudes, nudes being spread around school and nudes being leaked (including mine, which distressed me for a few days, but only because people knew they were mine, if they were spread around but they didn't know it was me, I wouldn't have cared), kids with condoms and other stuff etc.
I started watching non-pornographic sexual content online (sex scenes from movies, TV shows, games etc) at age 9 which I would genuinely get an erection from watching.
At age 10 I hit puberty (testicles largened) and I started masturbating to non pornographic stuff. Including videos of animals mating. I also tried to find stuff involving my peers and found a fake video of stuff suggestive of that.
At 11 I started to grow pubic hair and had my first ejaculations, as well as discover porn, and I had my first crush which was on a 12 year old boy who was another friend, who I would masturbate to. This crush lasted a number of years, but he was straight so it couldn't go anywhere. This was also the age I started taking nudes and videos of me masturbating.
At 12 I started to grow underarm har and facial hair began to appear on my upper lip, I was watching porn very heavily at this point.
At 13 my voice had broken and I was nearly my full adult height, this was also the age I first masturbated to a non-sexual nude image of a child. As well as videos of stuff like naturism and videos of circumcision (I don't have a pain or gore fetish, I would just blank it out and focus on the genitals.)
By 14 I was my full adult height, I had adult sized ejacualtions and my penis had fully grown. And that is when I started posting my nudes online. To which I would have sexual conversations with adults, not knowing I was setting myself up to be groomed and have something normalised in my head which shouldn't be.
By 15 I was growing facial hair, as well as chest and abdominal hair. And I found a shotacon involving a boy my age having sex with an adult woman, and I would pretend to be him.
At 17, a 19 year old flirted with me and got me into sending nudes to him, and he did the same, which I didn't see as bad and despite it being technically illegal, I still don't.
I also did the same when I was 19 with a 17 year old stranger online, but they were very willing and I didn't pressure them, no personal info was shared between us.
I also messaged a 15 and 14 year old at some point but stopped myself from letting it go any further. And cut them off before anything could be shared.
And when I started watching the CSAM, it was mostly teens 9n webcams that I watched, I was lured into thinking that this content isn't kids being assaulted or anything (which it is) and due to my experiences twisting my view, I thought kids were enjoying it (which they weren't) since I would have had enjoyed it at that age (which I wouldn't have) it wasn't until I saw unmistakable suffering which is when I stopped and vowed to never go there again. It was mostly stuff involving boys, the stuff involving girls I just found too revolting. I wanted to relive those experiences, go back to a time I was happier. It felt safe and comforting.
All of these experiencs warped my views and understanding of things, desensitised me and made me believe things were ok that weren't and that kids aren't as innocent as they are seen to be (which they are). I have never commited rape or an act of molestation and never will, these are acts I've always seen as vile and disgusting.
I've suffered with mental health issues for a long time as well.
I've struggled with feelings of self-hatred and worthlessness since around 9 or 10.
I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety at 13, I've been self harming and suicidal since 15, I've also been attempting suicide since 15.
I've always felt like the odd one out, I always felt like I was the worst at everything, I was the one who was left out of games at school, the one who was always picked last in sports.
I was bullied a lot growing up, by students and occasionally teachers alike.
My mother is narcissistic and has been emotionally and occasionally physically abusive to me since I was 14 (telling me she hates me and that everyone else hates me, tells me how horrible I am, tells me that I should kill myself and do everyone a favour, threatened to stab me in my sleep, hit me on the occasion, bit me, threw things at me, including heavy things and glass, strangled me).
I truly don't know what to do anymore, I'm completely lost.
I'm a 20 year old male with autism and possible OCD.
There are many things I want to talk about so this is going to be really long and unorganised.
From age 18 up until last year, I viewed and masturbated to CSAM, and the way I went about getting hold of it is equally bad, if not worse. I cannot express in words the shame and remorse I feel for this.
I know most of you hate me now and I don't blame you, and I guarantee you I hate myself more for it.
The most confusing part about it is I don't find children attractive, there's no groinal response, urges, desires, arousal, nothing. I don't even take a second glance or stare, the only thing I have is intrusive thoughts. Recently I was sat in the corner of a crowded bus, and since there was nowhere else to sit, three boys, none of which could have been older than 13 sat by me, one next to me, and the other two across from me, to which I felt nothing of that nature whatsoever.
I'm sexually attracted to males 20 and over, and I'm romantically and sexually attracted to females 20 and over, I wouldn't even date an 18 or 19 year old.
My instincts when I've been around children in recent times is purely parental and protective.
I'd never hurt a child, especially in that way, I'd slit my wrists or set myself on fire before I did that, I might just slit my wrists anyway.
I'd run into a burning building, I'd run out onto a busy road, I'd give my life to save a child's life.
I don't go out of my way to be around children, I find them for the most part irritating, I don't hate them though. Throughout my entire life I preferred the company of adults. I even live across from a playground ffs.
I'm scarred for life by some of the things I saw in those images and videos, how the hell could someone do something like that?! I want to climb through the screen and protect those kids, give them a hug and let them know nothing can hurt them anymore.
I stumbled across an image hosting site when I was 16 whilst trying to find material involving my peers again, and the site hosted lots of cropped images of teens on webcams and older kids on webcams (it was obvious what they were doing), and on the page for the accounts, it usually displayed an email where stuff could be traded, but I didn't pursue that until 2 years later.
I went about acquiring it through sending old images and videos of myself, and in a lot worse way as well.
Starting from 14 up until last year, I very occasionally placed my phone in the bathroom and filmed my friends urinating, this happened definitely less than ten times, and most of them I deleted from everywhere, but I kept one and a screenshot of a few others, I started posting these images, as well as my own nudes, on an old reddit account which was deleted not long after, I made sure to hide their identities while doing this, I enjoyed the attention and compliments I would get, and I loved bigging up my friends and seeing them get compliments.
Then I used this content to acquire the bad stuff years later, including the stuff of me.
I had an Idea that this was considered wrong but I didn't understand how it could have been harmful.
This happened to less than 5 friends, all the content I had I have long since deleted and wiped any access to, and I have no intention to do this again, but the main issue is the fact that copies could have been made of it, and I accidentally sent the uncropped video once. There's the possibility none of this stuff is out there, but it's still vile and repulsive.
One of them was my closest friend, who I had known basically all my life, I broke down to him and told him what I had done and what I believe does me to this awful, reprehensible place, and you know what he did? He told me he forgave me and that some video possibly being out there doesn't phase him and his life isn't ruined at all and it will go on either way.
But he understandably said we can't see each other anymore, that he still loves me, believes I'm a good person and wants me to live a good life and make the world a better place, which was a dream of ours.
It's extra difficult because we were so close, we had experienced so much together, held all the same interests and beliefs, and I loved him only like family could, so the fact I committed this vile act of betrayal rids me with so much shame, and deservedly so. In a way I find it harder to get through because I didn't understand the true consequences of my actions and how this could have affected him and others, it would be less confusing and easier to accept I'm just the lowest form of humanity that way.
The other two friends I stopped communicating with, I wiped the account wiped the content from all areas they were stored on, deleted what they were stored, everything, and there is a possibility it's not out their at all.
I displayed other problematic behaviours from a young age, all to do with boundary issues, I sometimes used to touch my friends when I was 12 but never their actual genitals, and I used to jokingly show my erection to people as well.
The only constant that I knew for certain is wrong is genuine rape and molestation, which is a line I know for certain I could never cross, and never will.
From a very young age (around 3 or 4) my mother would do very inappropriate party tricks around me with her friends late at night when they were drinking, her friends would call me sexy, and as I got older and hit puberty, she started making comments about my bulge and other things despite the fact I hated it and told her so.
When I was 7 I was groomed and molested by an 8 year old boy, I wanted him to help me pass a level on my DS game and he said he'll do it if I have sex with him, me being 7 I didn't understand what that was and with him being older I complied. We were naked during this, he fondled my genitals and got me to do the same to him, he inserted his fingers into my anus as well.
When I was 10, two of my close friends groomed me, they simulated blowjobs on each other and got me to do the same to them.
When I was 11, my 12 year old friend groomed and molested me despite me protesting, he got me to get in my bed with him and he rubbed up against me. Earlier that day he also got me to sit in his lap whilst cuddling me from behind, we were wearing underwear.
When I was 13, that same friend when he was nearly 14 and another friend who was already 14 groomed and molested me in my pool again, I had an erection in the pool and jokingly showed one of them it, and it escalated from there. They both got naked and got me to do so, I protested but eventually gave in to the pressure, they also showed each other their genitals and got me to do the same, later that boy got me to sit in his lap again whilst the older boy rubbed up against me.
There was also just the normal experimenting stuff, one of my friends used to show me his erections and I would do the same.
All of my friends were going through puberty and their bodies were changing and so was mine, which I found incredibly fascinating and arousing, and I had seen most of my friends genitals and some other students genitals throughout growing up, so me being young and autistic, I became very curious.
Kids before finishing Elementary/Primary School were swearing and talking about sex, then as I got older (11) kids were drinking, smoking, doing drugs, talking about masturbation habits and apparently having genuine sex. Then by the time I was 13, there was a lot of students taking nudes, nudes being spread around school and nudes being leaked (including mine, which distressed me for a few days, but only because people knew they were mine, if they were spread around but they didn't know it was me, I wouldn't have cared), kids with condoms and other stuff etc.
I started watching non-pornographic sexual content online (sex scenes from movies, TV shows, games etc) at age 9 which I would genuinely get an erection from watching.
At age 10 I hit puberty (testicles largened) and I started masturbating to non pornographic stuff. Including videos of animals mating. I also tried to find stuff involving my peers and found a fake video of stuff suggestive of that.
At 11 I started to grow pubic hair and had my first ejaculations, as well as discover porn, there was also an image I masturbated to which depicted a boy of my age giving oral to a man, and I had my first crush which was on a 12 year old boy who was another friend, who I would masturbate to. This crush lasted a number of years, but he was straight so it couldn't go anywhere. This was also the age I started taking nudes and videos of me masturbating.
At 12 I started to grow underarm har and facial hair began to appear on my upper lip, I was watching porn very heavily at this point.
At 13 my voice had broken and I was nearly my full adult height, this was also the age I first masturbated to a non-sexual nude image of a child. As well as videos of stuff like naturism and videos of circumcision (I don't have a pain or gore fetish, I would just blank it out and focus on the genitals.)
By 14 I was my full adult height, I had adult sized ejacualtions and my penis had fully grown. And that is when I started posting my nudes online. To which I would have sexual conversations with adults, not knowing I was setting myself up to be groomed and have something normalised in my head which shouldn't be.
By 15 I was growing facial hair, as well as chest and abdominal hair. And I found a shotacon involving a boy my age having sex with an adult woman, and I would pretend to be him.
At 17, a 19 year old flirted with me and got me into sending nudes to him, and he did the same, which I didn't see as bad and despite it being technically illegal, I still don't.
I also did the same when I was 19 with a 17 year old stranger online, but they were very willing and I didn't pressure them, no personal info was shared between us.
I also messaged a 15 and 14 year old at some point but stopped myself from letting it go any further. And cut them off before anything could be shared, or any messages could be exchanged for that matter.
And when I started watching the CSAM, it was mostly teens 9n webcams that I watched, I was lured into thinking that this content isn't kids being assaulted or anything (which it is) and due to my experiences twisting my view, I thought kids were enjoying it (which they weren't) since I would have had enjoyed it at that age (which I wouldn't have), it wasn't until I saw unmistakable suffering which is when I stopped and vowed to never go there again. It was mostly stuff involving boys, the stuff involving girls I just found too revolting. I wanted to relive those experiences, go back to a time I was happier. It felt safe and comforting. It was relatable.
All of these experiencs warped my views and understanding of things, desensitised me and made me believe things were ok that weren't and that kids aren't as innocent as they are seen to be (which they are). I have never commited rape or an act of molestation and never will, these are acts I've always seen as vile and disgusting.
I've suffered with mental health issues for a long time as well.
I've struggled with feelings of self-hatred and worthlessness since around 9 or 10.
I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety at 13, I've been self harming and suicidal since 15, I've also been attempting suicide since 15.
I've always felt like the odd one out, I always felt like I was the worst at everything, I was the one who was left out of games at school, the one who was always picked last in sports.
I was bullied a lot growing up, by students and occasionally teachers alike, and even my boss at my first job.
My mother is a heavy drinker, narcissistic and has been emotionally and occasionally physically abusive to me since I was 14 (telling me she hates me and that everyone else hates me, tells me how horrible I am, tells me that I should kill myself and do everyone a favour, threatened to stab me in my sleep, hit me on the occasion, bit me, threw things at me, including heavy things and glass, strangled me). There was also manipulation tactics like gaslighting, she alienated me from others by telling her friends and family how awful I was. Pushed me into meltdowns and got me to lash out, to which she called the police and got me arrested and made me look like the bad one on multiple occasions.
My father was a drug addict who died when I was 14, I saw him less than ten times my whole life, he grew drugs in my room when I was an infant, my most distinct memory is him coming to my house very late one night when I was around 9 or 10 talking about demons and bad spirits.
Addiction runs in my family (my father's father is an equally heavy drinker, his mother is a drug addict who ran a brothel), so the addictive tendencies have been past down to me.
I probably was addicted to porn by 13, and had been feeding it for years without knowing it.
My adopted grandfather died when I was 4, and my adopted grandmother (which I lived with from birth) who was my guiding light, died less than a week before my dad did.
The only father figure I really had (who was an alcoholic but otherwise very good with me) was my mother's partner who she met when I was 6, and he died when I was 8.
I was also very close to my mother's best friend, who had been more of a mother to me than my actual one had been some time died when I was 17.
My mother had an abusive ex who stalked her and threatened to set fire to the house, who also left ranting letters and stood in the back garden at night, so we lived in fear of stuff like that for over a year from when I was 12 through 13.
She also had an abusive lodger who was an even heavier drinker than she is, so from when I was 14 through 16 I witnessed them physically fight, both get arrested and on a few occasions I had to defend her from him.
Many of my friends have betrayed me over the years (I know I'm one to talk) but when this started to happen I would have never dreamed of betraying anyone, personal stuff was shared about me which I trusted them with, there was a lot of bad talking about me without me knowing. My toe closest friend turned on me at age 12 and isolated me from my other friends, I blamed myself at the time which I why I moved schools at 13 since I thought I was just making everyone miserable.
I didn't get diagnosed with autism until I was q9 despite trying to get it since I was 12, it hurt knowing I had been paying my whole life for being different, feeling ashamed of who I am (and rightly so now really), wondering why what I said was offensive, why I didn't understandfulky why this was wrong, why I was so sensitive to jokes, why I took e everyhing literally, why I made impulsive and reckless decisions without understanding the consequences of them.
I was never considered attractive and was ridiculed for it (girls used to jokingly flirt with me to torment me at school). I'm 5'6, always have struggled with weight, hairline started receding at 16, eczema so my skin is always red, dry and flaky, really bad diastema and acid reflux which means it's really hard to make my breath smell nice and my teeth are very worn because of it. I have had sex with someone who was older than me and we were both consenting adults, and we were both very respectful of boundaries.
I was also desensitised to other things slide gore and violence, I played a lot of violent video games when I was a kid, my mother is really into controversial shock movies (she got me to watch Cannibal Holocaust with her when I was 11).
The worst part about all of this is the fact all my friends who I love would hate me if they knew about what I've done so, none of them would trust me anymore or respect me, which is what friendships are all about right? So in a way they feel strange, they feel fake.
I could never find a relationship or true love because nobody wants to date a serial sex offender.
I hate knowing the fact I'm a sex offender, it's eating me alive.
I'm not registered and there is no real proof of what I did, so I can't turn myself in or anything.
I want to do good in the world, I have so much love to give, but it feels wrong me helping people because it feels like there is a sinister undertone to everything I do.
I've always enjoyed being charitable, I love giving money to the homeless or putting change in a donations box.
I feel guilty whenever I feel hapoy since I don't deserve to be, the only things that I enjoy now are food and playing video games, it's the only job I get out of day to day life.
The only fate I deserve is being stabbed to death in prison or something.
All I want is to be loved and accepted despite my flaws and mistakes, but I never could be.
The only other person I've told is my mother, who has been supportive.
I've been on antidepressants since 18 and I'm trying to get therapy, but I'm not hoping or expecting anything good will happen from this. I've been in and out of therapy since I was 11.
I had dreams, I had aspirations, I wanted to change the world for the better, I wanted to have a son, not to hurt him, but so he doesn't end up like me, but I reliase that is not possible. I don't deserve to be around children.
I hate keeping secrets, but I have no choice but to keep this one.
I want to identify with good people, but I can't.
Every good thing I do is invalidated now.
I forgive everyone who has wronged me in anyway, since I'm worse than them.
I just pray I can go out doing good, doing the right thing.
I am no better than Jimmy Saville, Ian Watkins or any of them types of people.
If you want to motivate me to end it all, feel free.
If you have read through all of this, thank you.

Hello there! Im a 17yo gay guy and I wanna make some good new friends or maybe more. Here are some things about me and that I like:
Im from Portugal;
I like nature a lot and all kinds of animals;
Im a big star wars fan;
I really like to watch movies and shows;
I love to meet new people, I can be quite annoying so please shut me up if I talk too much;
I get attached to people really easily, Im an overthinker, I have social anxiety and anxiety in general;
I like to play games(PC), mainly strategy but Im willing to try any kind of new games, the ones I play are mainly: paradox games such as HOI4 and VIC3; EAW; GTA5; RDR2; etc;
I also like and collect lego(mostly star wars), yes I can be quite childish but serious too, I like to help people although I have a hard time understanding feelings and stuff like that;
Im trying to write a book, a fantasy one and I enjoy writing sometimes, helps me get my creativity out;
Anyways, feel free to text me and lets chat for a bit, please text me on discord (otimix2288), Im much more active there, and I would love if you are lgbt too. Have a great day/night :D

The situation:
Me and my ex-fiance broke up a month before she gave birth to our child. Initially we agreed that I was going to be at the birth. However, after we broke up, she did not want me there. I came to terms with this and was okay with it as this was her right/choice. We were still in communication during this time (after we broke up), and we were civil, even flirtatious. Leading up to the birth she got paranoid that I was cheating on her or sleeping with other women as my location was not at my house but on the street behind me, i explained to her that iPhone geolocation isn't always accurate, and i even offered to face time her to prove that I am where I am but she did not respond to my requsts. My ex's phone stopped working so i had no contact with her for 1 weeks straight out of concern i called her mother to see if she was okay as they live together, and her mother started slandering me saying that i got her pregnant and now ive left her a month before she was due, the breakup was mutual and agreed on both sides, and for our child we planned on co parenting effectivly.She started calling me a bitch and slandering my religon (islam) and became racist even though her daughter is half white and half indian, she also threatened me with force and threatend the police on me even though i hadnt done anything. I let the abuse slide as i didnt want to winde up any tension or make the sitatuion/breakup worse. My friends advised me to apologise for the hurt the breakup caused which i did.
1 week later, My ex texted me the night before at like 1am she was induced into labour that she was going to be induced and i asked her if she needs anything or wants me there, she said there isnt anything she needs and she said not to come and said it can take days until our son is born. 4 hours after this text she had given birth, but i had not been told this, and i had missed my sons birth. I recieve a text from bitter mother the next day that "he is here now come and see him". I was the last person to be contacted, her friends and family were all notifed immediatley, but they willingly contacted me late knowing that i wanted to be there (not in delivery room but in the hospital). The friends and family all saw my son before me and i knew this because of social media posts. I travelled from birmingham to london imediatly to see our son. When i arrived at the hospital, I was bitter because i was notifed last so i decided not to speak to her family and friends and see my son as the nurses allowed me. Upon picking up my son, My exs grandmother, my sons great grand mother, said "he will not be raised muslim, this is england not india, we dont do that here", her mother then proceedes to say he will eat what his grandmother feeds him, knowing i want my son to be muslim and eat halal food. She says why werent you here earlier, why are you here hours later making out to seem that i was some neglectful father who didnt care, her grand mother then policed me on how to pick up my child, how to hold him and how to change nappies, and threatend to kick me out, the nurse overheard this and said to her that i have a right to be here and i have 24hrs viewing access. then there was silence.
. They kept sayiing you should have been in london already we told you to book an airbnb in london, but i planned on booking it the day she was going into labour as that is when my paternity leave was due to start, i could not afford to pay a 300-400 so i can be there a week early.
I couldnt speak to my ex when I was at the hospital as they were in seperate wards, my son was in a special care unit and she was in her ward. So i spent a few hours with him. After the day had finished, it was too late and she had gone to sleep so i didnt want to disturb her so i went to my the hotel i booked.
I sent my ex a nice text saying thank you for delivering our son .etc and send gifts and flowers. I told her that my friends and family are coming down the next day from birmingham to see him. I walk into the hospital, and my exs mother started swearing at me saying im so horrible for not speaking to my ex after she had just given birth, and kept portaying me to be a Horrible, she said that the messages and gifts dont mean anything even though my intentions in my text were me being grateful and thankful for the delivery of our son. She said your family and friends arent allowed to come, they have no right to be here, and said that she is going to get me banned from seeing my son if they come. I didnt believe or take serious what she said so ignored her and went to see my ex who was now with our son. my ex didnt speak to me once even though i tried to speak. A few hours later i went to grab lunch, and my family had already set of at this time. I told my ex that they are coming down to see him, and she said no, they dont have her permission to our son, eventhough no one from her side asked for my permission to vist and take photos. I couldnt believe what she was saying, she said that I couldnt see him at this point. Her mother overheard this, and said they she will ban them from coming but i laughed saying how and why are they doing this? I then get told that they will raise a safeguarding claim so im not allowed in the hospital. after my lunch i call the the head nurse to see if he is okay and if i can come down, and i am told that there is a safe guarding claim, and i cannot see my son, and they cannot dicuss anything about him to me as i am not on the birth certficate/i am not married. Eventhough this safeguarding claim is absolutely fictiuous. My family arrive and i had to turn them away. Since that day (2nd day of son being born), I have not seen him or heard of him. My ex has gone no contact and is not replying to any of my texts even though has read them. Throughout this entire situation my friends advised me to "bite my tongue and keep a level head" and ignore the abuse as it isnt the time or the place to have such discussions.
In navigating this challenging situation, my main concern is ensuring my son's well-being and maintaining a meaningful presence in his life. Despite my efforts to communicate and explore mediation options, my ex-partner's lack of response has added to the complexity of the situation.
Given the circumstances, I'm seriously considering seeking either full custody of my son, shared custody if that is a thing in the UK. I don't have access to the birth certificate but I know that they have no disclosed me on it. I've gathered compelling evidence regarding my ex-partner's living situation and behaviors, including substance abuse and instability within her household. It's clear that my son's best interests are at stake, and I'm committed to providing him with a safe and nurturing environment.
In terms of my own situation, I'm fortunate to have stable housing, financial stability, and flexibility in my schedule due to being a full-time student with part-time work (1 year left until i am a full time teacher, she isnt working and does not plan to and live on social welfare for the foreseeable future). I'm prepared to provide the stability and support that my son needs.
As I weigh my options, I'm considering pursuing shared custody initially, with the possibility of addressing schooling arrangements in court later on. Alternatively, I'm contemplating seeking full custody from the outset, given the concerns about my ex-partner's ability to provide a suitable environment for our son's upbringing. I do not want to take my child away completely from his mother as this is not right/islamic at all, I want us to coparent effectively so our son is raised with both parents. but this no contact thing makes it seem impossible. she has rejected to showing me the birth certificate and refused medations, (the mediator called her)
Ultimately, my chances of winning full custody will depend on various factors, including the strength of the evidence I've gathered and the court's assessment of what is in my son's best interests. Seeking guidance from a legal expert who specialises in family law will be crucial as I navigate this process.
My primary focus remains on ensuring that my son receives the love, care, and stability he deserves, regardless of the legal complexities involved.
Update: I have also contacted the police about the abusive behaviours from the my ex's mother. Id like to also mention that my son has a serious heart defect, and my exs mother is a habitual smoker regularly smoking cannabis and cigarettes, which is not ideal and can worsen his heart. he is due for an operation but I don't know when this is but I know its within the coming months. but I do not want him in a household that will hurt his health due to innapproiate care.

I'm not sure if Im posting this in the right place. But, im posting on behalf of my friend who's struggling to leave an abusive relationship with the father of her child. They are currently living together.
He's somehow hacked her phone to be able to read all her text messages and send messages from her phone number, pretending to be her. He's also had access to her Instagram. Idk if he has access to her entire phone or what. She recently got a new phone, but kept the same phone number because of work. He still appears to have access to her phone. How can we stop him from doing this and get her privacy back? Is there a way to find out what he's doing? If he has access to every app on her phone? Could just using WhatsApp or Signal be a solution?
Thank you in advance

It may have been a long time coming, but I still feel kind of awful about it.
We were together for 10 months, and it was the best and worst relationship I’ve ever been in, but it was really just doomed from the start. When I first met him I was in a loveless marriage, and he was in a loveless relationship with someone he had a kid with. In my marriage we were together for 6 years, but the love had been gone for the last years. His relationship with his bm had been 3 years, but she had been continuously cheating. So, we ended up running away together. But his bm still lives at his parents house with his kid because she has no where else to go…?
The relationship started out intensely both physically and emotionally and neither of us were looking back.. at first, I guess. Until after about 3 months when she told him that she was 6 months pregnant, and he started being insecure about me being friends with mostly guys, and being a generally friendly person. I told him we can work through it together and I started changing how I interacted with people and who I interacted with that made him uncomfortable, and he started being in closer contact with her. It wasn’t long until he broke up with me the first time(1) and kicked me out of the apartment we lived in. We get back together within a couple of days. Only for him to leave me again (2) after about a month when I started noticing he was messaging her more and more while he was at work. We ended up getting back together the next night. But then I started getting anxieties. And I started to spiral asking for reassurance that he isn’t going to get back together with his ex and that it wasn’t something had to worry about with the new baby coming soon - and instead of reassurance he made me seem like I was being crazy for even questioning it and breaking up with me again (3). We ended up playing games together after 2 days and began talking about getting back together again, but he tells me he slept with her and is still in love with her, but in love with me too and convinces me to allow him to date both of us. Then I would live back at our apartment, and he would only be living at his parents with her for a bit to help take care of the newborn.
So he started staying there while I would stay back alone. He would see me every couple of days or so for a few hours, but never more than that. Then he started cancelling plans left and right, sometimes because he just didn’t feel like it… After the 3rd day or so of him cancelling plans last second I started losing it. I was getting ready to see him, excited. He said that he needed a minute because he was arguing with his bm then he just stopped replying. I called about 37 times then everything started going straight to voicemail, green text, and no replies on SC or Discord. After 6 hours I was fully convinced he left me for good. So I was going to cope for a night and be gone in the morning, but I did something bad. I went on tinder and sent each of my matches the same copy and paste “let’s hook up” messages. These back and forth messages went on for about 2 hours when he suddenly texted me saying he fell asleep. Then he suddenly showed up at the apartment happy and giddy. That’s when he saw me put my phone down and asked me for it. I said no at first then eventually confessed and gave him the phone. He was really upset.. and told me he was coming over to tell me that she was making him choose between me and her, and that he was choosing me. He then decided to forgive me and take me to get my things from my ex-husbands house and told me that things are going to be different this time.
Unfortunately they were different in the worst kind of way. Neither of us trusted each other anymore and he began crossing every boundary I had. Sleeping in the same bed as her still and being overly too friendly, and I sat by quietly thinking it was what I deserved. Eventually that blew up to him leaving me once again (4) time. I started packing, but I needed more boxes so he came by with them. We ended up hooking up and he ended up telling me he slept with her again. We were back together and moved back in within a day. But the issues still remained that he was crossing my boundaries. Eventually I ended up pregnant after 3 months. After a month I began to miscarry, and during it instead of being with me through it he went to his parents house and told me she needed his car, but didn’t come home until late. And then once again, someone I used to have a crush with messaged me out of the blue and I didn’t really reject him when he started hitting on me.
He then broke up with me the second day of the miscarriage, and then found out about the guy who was hitting on me a day or so later after the breakup. Unfortunately, we still had to live together.
Valentine’s Day he brings me flowers and balloons and cookies, but goes to his parents to spend the night with her. And on the weekend he takes me out for Valentine’s Day and I go through his phone for the first time in months. Turns out he’s been trying to get back together with her and getting rejected from before I was even pregnant. I decided to forgive him I guess like he forgave me. Eventually it turned into him leaving me (5) saying he can’t stand me and has always wanted to be back with her. So he moved back to his parents. A week later he comes back saying he resents her. And we got back together again. After about a month we both moved out. I went back home and so did he at his parent’s house, sleeping in the guest room. Things were good for about two weeks until he left me again (6).
He told he’s been trying to get back with her but she’s been with someone else for the last 5 months. We end up talking again and seeing each other again, but this time he keeps me blocked on everything but our cell and Snapchat. And of course after 2 weeks he stops talking to him again (7). And within a few days we’re talking again. He comes over and spends the night and everything is good until the weekend. We make plans for a hotel and for the weekend, but when Friday comes along im stuck waiting for him to show up. And then 9:45 pm I still get no reply. (8) And I just snap… I message his bm. And I tell her everything. That we slept together in her truck, the shit he’s talked, that he told me we were soulmates 3 days ago, and that he showed me their sex videos.
And we never spoke again. He just blocked me and it’s been 4 days (the longest we’ve gone without talking) and honestly the guilt is eating me alive. My friends tell me that he deserved to be exposed, but I feel awful about it.

I'm currently selling a forklift and keep getting texts from a few people saying they're with "Ebay Motors". One of them has texted me many times, which sound a little scripted, telling me to "give them a jingle" or "call when available", trying to connect.
I did call this number back once, another number immediately texted me saying they're on the other line and will call later. Some phone tag then finally called me Monday morning. Guy spoke pretty good english and minimal accent but name was "Nick Logan", as soon as he started saying he was with Ebay Motors I cut him of and asked if he was an actual buyer or not. He asked me "are you done" I wasn't going to play his posture game so I told him I was asking a simple question that I expected an answer. He wanted to launch into his pitch but I didn't have the time or patience to be sold on something so I just kept going back to the question I asked, he got all fussy and said he was going to look elsewhere so I just hung up.
Since then I've gotten a bunch of texts from his "assistant", "Frank" same old stuff, and a few other numbers. Most recent text "Frank" says he has had some interest in my forklift at my desired price and he could help me sell it with "no commissions". Sounds fishy.
Is this a scam and what are they trying to get?

Alrightyyy. Some context. It's been two months of this guy and I talking., and I am noticing some red flags. I'm not big on dating, I'm pretty introverted and feel secure in myself, but we met and talked for a bit and we both have a crush on eachother. I can't quite put my finger on it, but he tries to bait me with phrases and it feels as if he is purposefully testing me for my reaction and it's getting old, fast. An example is he kept bringing up another woman he finds attractive. I kinda just brushed it off but then eventually told him I started to feel a tad insecure about it. He acknowledged my feelings respectfully, and then goes back to mentioning how he would make our future relationship poly for her an hour later. Another thing is he tended to rush for the seggual stuff first, which I would set boundaries and he would follow with overstepping those boundaries and then going "I know you like it/I see your body wants it too/You're sending mixed signals." Which is true. I was sending mixed signals, so, I stuck with my values and kept it strictly platonic for now.
Another example is he gave me his hat and I expressed how thankful and happy I am to wear it because we both know we like eachother and I appreciate the hat and take care of it. He takes it back yesterday out of nowhere because I was being corny and goes "The more corny you are, the longer I keep it." And he kept it for a bit. I wasn't bothered by it, it's his hat, but it's the behavior that's odd. He then calls me boasting about having the hat and needing it for his outside work. Later, I was like "Okay, that's good! If you need it more, keep it." And he turns around and hands it back to me and goes "No, you keep it." And I'm like "What? You need it, though. I have other hats." And he goes "No, I didn't need it. Keep it." And I go "You're confusing me." and he goes "No, you're confusing ME. Just keep it. Why are you being so weird about it? I want you to have it." I have on idea what is going on.
One last example would be a conversation him and I had a couple weeks ago about his phrases he says to try and get me to react. I told him it felt like he was playing mind games with me and I did not appreciate it. He denied he was doing that and got mad at me and mentioned all the good things he's done for me recently. I thought that was unfair and ended the conversation there. He then comes back and apologizes and admits to baiting me and trying to get a reaction. I told him to just communicate with me and stop doing this.
He says some odd things like "I know what mood your in all the time, I can analyze you, and if you change behavior, I'll analyze that too." And he often wants to know who I am texting, glances over my shoulder to see my phone, and sometimes just grabs it outright. When I express I'm not okay with these things, he downplays it.
I often feel as if I'm crazy or I'm over reacting to this? Because that's how he treats it, but, something feels off. I don't think this is healthy and I need some advice. Thank you!!!

I'm not sure if Im posting this in the right place. But, im posting on behalf of my friend who's struggling to leave an abusive relationship with the father of her child. They are currently living together.
He's somehow hacked her phone to be able to read all her text messages and send messages from her phone number, pretending to be her. He's also had access to her Instagram. Idk if he has access to her entire phone or what. She recently got a new phone, but kept the same phone number because of work. He still appears to have access to her phone. How can we stop him from doing this and get her privacy back? Is there a way to find out what he's doing? If he has access to every app on her phone? Could just using WhatsApp or Signal be a solution?
Thank you in advance

Q&A session with LifeByKing on discord.
Will we be able to change the wall height in build mode at the start of early access?

Yes, you will

For jobs uniform, are the same uniforms applied to everyone or can we set different uniforms per job title?

Yes Uniforms can be set for different roles within a job and per title!

Can we have the ability own more than one lot

Not at the start of Early Access. We're definitely exploring 'real estate management' part of the game. We recognize builders are a huge part of the life sim community and tying in building to gameplay is a key goal.

Is there plan for separated sexual and romantic orientation?

At the start of Early Access, we do seperate gender from body type.
We currently do not separate sexual from romantic but this is a good suggestion we will look at during Early Access.

What kinds of social events can we expect on the launch of early access?

Through the in-game mobile phone, you can set up Birthday Parties, Weddings, House Parties, Housewarming, Beach Party, etc. You can also arrange to go on Dates.

Will LBY support terrain editors like Atlas or Gaia for world making?

We will be evaluating even more region-editing during Early Access. That decision will be informed by the roll out of region-to-region travel.

I noticed in a video that lots can overlap to some extent. How far can we push this? Can we make it look like buildings are touching each other?

Yes, we have some experiments internally with terrace housing. Much more on this during Early Access.

Would be possible to have different wall thickness in a build mode?

You can add objects or trim to the walls, but the wall thickness is a great suggestion. Pls add that to ⁠requests

Are there plans for a fleshed-out criminal career?

Potentially. This is under discussion.

Will it be possible to increase multiple skills at once, either through quests or performing activities?

Yes , you can easily script additional skill gains for any interaction.

With painting/drawing skill do will characters be able to draw and paint images that you put in the game(asking if we are able to add png or jpg images in)?

At the start of Early Access, you can have a character take a picture (using the in-game phone camera) and then have them paint that picture using an easel and hang that painting on your wall.
RE: Ability for you to add png / jpg images - this is likely possible via mods.

Can we change the Delivery Van?

Currently, no. But that should be an easy thing for us to add to the modding list during Early Access. Good suggestion, thank you!

Can the character we are currently playing, be invited to a wedding by a character we are currently not playing, so that we can attend as a guest?

Yes! You can even setup a wedding for a story and play each character by right clicking on them any time if you wish. Combine this will entering your own dialog live as you play and you can make an entire unique wedding experience/ story.

In regards to the demographic creator, will it be possible to set a demographic as joinable or not joinable? What I mean is, if you have a demographic of say goths or vampires (or some kind of social group), it would make sense for it to be possible for a character to become part of that demographic through gameplay....on the other hand if the demographic is say a Latino demographic, it wouldn't make sense for characters to be able to join that demographic through gameplay.

It's not currently possible, though that may be possible through "Traits" which you can set as rewards for quests.
This wouldn't change their appearance, but it would be able to add other things like Needs adjustments.

Is the team thinking of adding free placement for tattoos, beauty marks,piercings,etc.?

You can freely move a tattoo placement within their specific "body region" like torso = all over the torso, arms = all over the arms, beauty marks all over the face.

I’m 10 years + down the road with R and I’m struggling. I’d love to know how other long term Rs are getting on with issues like this one. Sorry if this is TMI or long.
We have lots that is going good for us, years 3-7 of R were amazing and I felt stronger than ever and in fact, after the tricky first 2 years, until this year I never regretted for a second deciding to R.
We did then hit a few bumps in the road with one of our kids over the last few years and I have been struggling with that because my WH cannot seem to communicate with me at all if conversations feel likely to be “difficult” for him. I work too but in a less financially lucrative role than him since we had the last kids (who were twins) so it tends to be me whose life is organised round his and the family’s needs.
In addition, I did not adjust well when after the pandemic quiet life, he returned to drinking while socialising at work and staying away from home in hotels for work more often. He had minimised this quite a lot after the affair as it was so strongly associated with opportunities he took to have sex with his AP. When he started doing it again it was a trigger for me and his response was one of despair - when would I ever get over this, he was a different man and would not do that again, he’s never good enough etc etc. I end up both apologising to him but also deeply resentful that somehow I’m in the wrong again.
He stopped drinking at work functions for a bit, started again and then stopped again but only because he felt forced to by me being upset, he was very clear that he shouldn’t need to do that. This has never made me happy or reassured me, I now feel pushed into this awful role of the controlling wife when I’m really looking for him to care enough about me not to actually want to drink at work when he’s staying away in a hotel.
I would rather he did what he wanted and we separated but he is very strongly against that and gets quite emotional and sad if I suggest we might both be happier. If I leave, it will be my “fault” at this point because he wants to stay together. Our children don’t know what happened because they were very young at the time and I don’t think that it would be helpful for them but that leaves us in a situation where everyone knows it is me that is unhappy now. I am also frightened to leave because my financial position is unprotected and I feel quite alone in the UK.
My family in NZ would help me but my children are teens/ young adults now so wouldn’t be happy to return to my home country with me. And, fool that I am, I love him, he’s my best friend, when things are good they’re great.
At Christmas we hit an all time low and for the first time I shouted at him in front of the kids about how I feel so abandoned when he can’t talk to me when I am struggling. I felt more and more disconnected from him and started the year in a terrible place crying, lonely and saying how suicidal I felt/ trying to tell him I needed his support with our kids. On that day he didn’t talk to me but he did sit with me and then he just never mentioned what I’d said again.
This is how he treats most of my outbursts of feeling - if I seem distressed enough he might stay with me for a bit of time but he won’t talk about it again unless I do. He might go off and do some random act of service so I kind of know he’s heard but it is hard to focus on that when I want him to talk with me.
Fast forward a week or two and my WH asked to bring a work colleague (also a BW) round on a Saturday for us to give her some emotional support because her mum was away for a fortnight and she was struggling looking after her toddlers by herself, he said she was having such a tough time. She had split up with her WH just before Christmas because he had been having an affair. She lives in her home city and is surrounded by friends and family who love and care for her. She came round and was chatting to me, telling me how it was for the best as they had been drifting apart for a while, that she had been set up with someone by a friend and they’d been texting/ had a date planned. She was not actually by herself, she was going over to her sisters to stay the night and to sit in a hot tub after she’d been at our place.
As I was sitting chatting with her and holding her baby, I had an almost outer body experience where I was at the same time looking down on us talking and also floating above comparing her situation with mine when I was there 12 years ago.
I was alone in a new city where I knew no one except my PIL who had made it clear as soon as we arrived that they didn’t want to offer me any practical support, I had four kids aged 5 and under, my support network of friends were all in the city where we had lived previously, I had lost my job in the move so that my husband could be closer to his parents/ pursue a better job in this city and my father was at the end of his life on the other side of the world a 24 hour flight away.
My husband then began an affair with a younger co-worker and had her round to our house to play with our babies and f*** in our bed while I was home in NZ visiting my family / my sick dad for three weeks. When I got back and discovered what had happened the same day I returned, I had absolutely no one to turn to and only my husband to rely on. He didn’t immediately choose me but thought about it for a few days. He’d planned to go travelling with this woman and had been playing happy families with my babies who weren’t even two years old yet - it felt like he’d been practicing to see whether she would make a good stepmother for them.
I thought about returning to my home, but our initial MC treated me like I was the one suggesting doing something awful to my WH and I never felt ok pursuing that then. My PIL and SIL were not unkind, but they had not supported me before so it was hard for me to turn to them in the circumstances. I had no one. It was the most terrible time of my life and I did try to take some pills one afternoon after drinking too much.
In the day we had his colleague round, I kept thinking, would I have stayed with him if I had been around family and friends. I was also so hurt that he could see her struggles and ask me to help her but not ask me if there was anything he could do to help me. Since then I seem to be locked in a trauma kind of response, crying, reliving stupid details I haven’t thought of in 10 years, checking AP’s work situation etc (pain shopping) and I haven’t slept through the night in months.
I have also been upset for a couple of years by the lack of communication between us as I associate him having had the affair in the first place as a response to my being low when I was in a new city/ had lost my job/ looked after our twins and a toddler on my own all day/ my dad being diagnosed with terminal cancer. He struggled to deal with how I was feeling and withdrew from me, found his AP who was more able to meet his needs/ fun to be around.
This is what emerged in MC, that he couldn’t cope with emotions due to FOO issues. This means I really struggle to voice my feelings in a way that gets me the support I need now because he has withdrawn from me over the last two years during issues with our child and I am fearful of being too much for him again. I know I do it badly, I wanted MC to help me learn better ways of communicating too, not just to deal with how he withdraws from me.
I asked my WH to go to therapy with me a couple of times over the last two years to deal with the communication issues but he didn’t want to do MC because he said he felt unprotected in the two sets of MC we had in the early days.
I have also asked him if we could try just checking in with each other once a week but he is always unwilling and there is always a reason but it boils down to he doesn’t want to do it. He has said it feels forced and as if he has to say something other than he’s fine. He has also said it’s too difficult with his work/ our lives to predict when he’s free. Most recently he has said he’s asked his friends but no one else has to do that. I have said it’s what I need, a regular space where we talk about how we are going. Our MC suggested it 10 years or so ago and I have never stopped wanting that or raising it. However, it’s like this thing in his mind that it would be negative or difficult so he just doesn’t do it except once or twice when things get difficult again. Which then reinforces that it is a negative space. There were a few times we did it a year or so ago where it felt companionable to me so I was devastated when he just stopped because work got difficult for him and needed all his attention.
I feel I am at the bottom of his priorities after the kids, work, meeting football team parents, his parents, work colleagues. Am I mad to ask for that space once a week for an hour together?
Also we have one day of full on intensive therapy planned (a compromise to fit his schedule/fears about traditional MC) and I hope to talk this through with him again there but I am starting to wonder if we are wasting our time/ money.
I don’t know if I’m looking for support or a wake up call but I’d love to hear from long term people in R who have faced similar issues.

I'm the only one putting in effort, reaching out first, making plans, tell them do you need anything or do you need help etc. I'm always the one to message first, always, cause if I don't message then all I hear is crickets.
I don't get the same thing, not even a small talk. If they do answer my text which btw they answer after 1 or 2 days after I messaged them, its the same answer I hear everytime, "sorry bro long day at work today maybe next time", Oh my bad I only saw ur text just now lol", "Im gonna be busy this week", Family is coming over the weekend maybe next week?" Some even answer with one freakin word then after that its just seen. Everyone nowadays is glued to their phones specially those people in my age (Mid 20s) doesn't matter if you're in the middle of work or study, it really doesn't hurt to answer back within the same hour or same day.
Honestly im tired of trying now, its making me feel like im desperate or I need attention or whatever, i'm a pretty quiet and shy guy and the attention from everyone is the last I want from them.
What Should I do??

I thought I would share today’s daily……
What I learned Day 11 of the Karen Read trial
1) Auntie Bev really hates it when Yanetti says “of course”. Yanetti said “of course I don’t care”
2) The girls of Canton have strict degrees of separation to define friendship; we’re all still figuring this out.
3) The CW wants us to believe that Karen Copperfield Read is the master of illusion and successfully made John’s body disappear for several hours after hitting it
4) I’m currently drunk because I drank a White Claw every time Tristan said I don’t remember
5) We now understand why Tristan is the last person to get picked as a partner for bar trivia
6) Brian Albert Junior is in charge of monitoring the news for new indictments so the Alberts can have their ritual of indictment parties
7) Bev is going to meltdown if Lally asks one more person to describe the layout of 34 Fairview
8) Sarah Levinson can spell better than Michael Proctor
9) Erin Brockovich is on her way to Canton to examine the water due to all these mysterious cases of amnesia
10) Michael Proctor believes witnesses are like fine wine and their recollection only gets better with time at least 8 months
11) Sarah Levinson testified that the front yard was well lit
12) Brian Albert Jr. pays Julie Nagel Michelob Ultras to be his bodyguard
13) After Julie Nagel’s testimony it’s clear Chloe wasn’t the only fiesty bitch in the house
14) Tristan Morris already prepared his couch for his bed tonight after calling Caitlin high maintenance
15) JJ McCabe bribed Julie Nagel with 5 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to give her the screenshot of her brother’s text message
16) Julie Nagel thinks she had an epiphany of a blob on the lawn at 34 Fairview, but she was just watching old horror movies while drinking a case of Michelob and JJ’s peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
17) Colin Albert is a ninja and sneaks in and out of places without anyone noticing. One minute he’s there and then poof he’s gone. Bang Bang

FreeKarenRead #justiceforjohnokeefe

So basically we live together we both aren’t the best texters which is understandable we have jobs and busy lives. I use to send funny videos or just chat occasionally but she wouldn’t respond so because of this I stopped and only text her when something is needed in relation to living together. For example bills and reminders or questions. Mind you I live with her she’s on her phone 24/7 she texts her boyfriend all day everyday. And when he calls she drops everything to answer. When I text her about anything no response for days. But then the second she needs something from me she’ll say “sorry just seeing this” answer me and ask me her question. Or sometimes she just ignores me. Look we don’t have to text, we live together but don’t ask me shit then. Not sure what to do I kinda want to be petty but also we live together so that will just make it not fun. Plus we are best friends I care about her but the friendship is feeling really one sided.