Coaching letter of interest

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2011.03.30 16:39 HotDinnerBatman Unsent Letters

A place for the letter you never sent.
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2009.07.12 23:14 sensical socialskills

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2016.05.10 17:11 r/OverwatchUniversity: Discussion, Help and Guides

/OverwatchUniversity is a subreddit for learning about the game Overwatch. Featuring VOD reviews, guides, answers for all your questions, and more!
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2024.05.15 12:18 Dependent-Regret-978 best digital marketing training institute in kochi

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2024.05.15 12:05 KPOP_MOD Megathread 6: HYBE vs. ADOR - Insider Trading allegations, MHJ Injunction Hearing, and More

This megathread is about the ongoing conflict between HYBE and the management of sub-label ADOR.
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Articles / Timeline

MEGATHREADS ONE and TWO and THREE covered events from April 22nd to the 26th
  • HYBE initiated the audit of sub-label ADOR, Min Hee Jin and ADOR's management claimed it was a witch-hunt/media play due to her frustrations with an internal complaint that new group ILLIT's visual concept was copying what she had designed for NewJeans.
  • HYBE found further indications that ADOR's management was planning to undermine the value/function of the company and break ADOR away. Min Hee Jin held an emergency press conference for over two hours to reveal the internal politics of HYBE and her frustrations. HYBE refuted claims made during the conference.
MEGATHREAD FOUR provides a SUMMARY of all events so far and up to the 30th
  • Various conspiracies spread online over the last weekend in April. HYBE labels BIGHIT Music and SOURCE Music released statements vowing to take legal action to protect their artists against slander and groundless rumors.
  • A court hearing was held on the 30th resulting in schedules for upcoming meetings. ADOR's board meeting is supposedly set for May 10th and HYBE's general shareholders' meeting for sometime by the end of the month.
MEGATHREAD FIVE covered the first half of May.
  • ADOR's meeting was set on the 10th and held, wherein a shareholders' meeting was set for May 31st. Min Hee Jin filed an injuction against HYBE with a hearing to take place on the 17th.
  • Claims fired back and forth around HYBE continuing their audit and obtaining a personal laptop from an ADOR employee over potential embezzlement concerns.
  • A Letter allegedly written by the parents of NewJeans and forwarded to HYBE via MHJ was made public. It included complaints about the treatment of NewJeans within the company. HYBE rebutted the letter and questioned its origins and the intentions of its release.
  • HYBE requested an investigation regarding findings that ADOR's Vice President sold a large amount of HYBE shares a week before the audit began, suggesting he had reason to believe the company's stock price would fall.
240515
  • Indirectly related, HYBE will be listed as a conglomerate due to assets of $3.65 billion or larger. See Yonhap article below.
  • Yonhap News: Regulator adds 6 more biz groups to 'chaebol watchlist,' including Hybe
  • It was confirmed HYBE requested an FSS investigation on the 14th. It was reported they submitted concrete evidence seized during the audit of potential insider trading, arranging meetings with foreign investors, etc. and working with foreign securities analyst Mr. A. (Source: Newsis)
Looking ahead:
  • May 17: The Seoul District Court (Civil Affairs Dept.) will investigate/interrogate regarding the injunction Min Hee Jin filed against HYBE (previously reported on the 7th)
  • May 31: The extraordinary shareholders' meeting to potentially oust and replace Min Hee Jin as ADOR CEO.
Link back to MEGATHREADS ONE and TWO and THREE and FOUR and FIVE

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2024.05.15 12:00 The_Way358 Essential Teachings: A Biblical Model of Ethics

Introduction

In this post, we'll be discussing something called "Virtue Ethics." This is a normative theory of ethics that's most associated with Aristotle, though has in recent times experienced a resurgence of sorts from modern philosophers, some of whom have tweaked and modified it, and in doing so have created different branches on this tree of moral theory. We will be comparing these different flavors of Virtue Ethics to that of the New Testament's, pointing out where they're similar, as well as highlighting where the NT differs (and is actually superior) from the heathens' views.
I want to preface all this with a verse and a warning:
"Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ."-Colossians 2:8
The entire Bible, over and over again, warns against syncretism. It's a running theme throughout to condemn the practice, with this verse being one of the more explicit ones to do so.
Mapping the ideas of Pagans (and especially Greek philosophers) onto the Scriptures has always resulted in people severely misinterpreting the Bible, as looking at the Word of God through a Hellenistic lens is and always has been extremely innapropiate to the author's original intent.
Whenever Greek philosophy or ideas are referenced, they're always portrayed in a bad light or otherwise used to make a point. Examples of the latter could be found in the apostle Paul's writings, as he was a fully educated Roman citizen of his day, and so he made use of known Hellenestic philosophy and literature (that he would have been familiar with) by redefining their terms and ideas in a way that would be consistent with the theology of his own religion. The apostle Peter did the same within his own epistles whenever he mentioned "Tartarus," the abyss/prison for certain disobedient angels that rebelled against God, despite the fact that the word has its roots in Greek mythology and not Hebrew religion (though, the belief that there were a group of spiritual beings that rebelled against the highest authority in the heavens was one technically shared between the two ancient cultures; even if the parties involved were vastly different, as well as the contexts of the rebellion itself).
The affect Hellenstic philosophy has had on the way people think (even subconsciously) can still be felt to this day, and can be seen in the confusion modern "Christianity" has brought on through its adoption of Gnostic teachings such as Dualism or the inherently fatalistic views that many unknowingly hold due to the error of Classical Theism.
While yes, I will be commending the heathen (unbeliever) whenever they are right with their ideas as pertaining to this subject, I will also show where they are wrong.
Let's begin.

"What Is Virtue Ethics?"

First, we need to define some terms and point out the differences between this view and others within the larger debate of normative ethics.
There are three major approaches in normative ethics, those being: Consequentalism, Deontology, and Virtue Ethics. The following are definitions of the terms:
Consequentialism – a class of normative, teleological ethical theories that holds that the consequences of one's conduct are the ultimate basis for judgement about the rightness or wrongness of that conduct.
Deontology – theories where an action is considered morally good because of some characteristic of the action itself, not because the product of the action is good. Deontological ethics holds that at least some acts are morally obligatory regardless of their consequences for human welfare.
Virtue Ethics – theories that emphasize the role of character and virtue in moral philosophy rather than either doing one’s duty or acting in order to bring about good consequences. The virtue ethicist would argue that actions themselves, while important, aren't as important as the character behind them. To the virtue ethicist, consequences are also important, but they would say that good consequences ultimately flow from a virtuous character who has made virtuous decisions. Theories of virtue ethics do not aim primarily to identify universal principles that can be applied in any moral situation, instead teaching that the best decisions can vary based on context, and that there are only some actions that would be universally evil, only because those actions could never flow from a virtuous character in the first place (e.g., rape).
Aristotle's idea of ethics is in an important respect different from most people's, especially today. Heirs as we are to Kant’s idea of duty – there is a right thing that one ought to do, as rational beings who respect other persons – and to Mill’s idea of utility – the right thing to do is that which produces the greatest good for the greatest number – most of us see ethics as concerned with actions. "The function of ethics is to help me see what I ought to do in a given situation," the modern says. Aristotle’s approach was different. His ethic is not so much concerned about helping us to see what we ought to do, as about what sort of person we ought to be.
Aristotle was concerned with character, and with the things that go to make up good and bad character; virtues and vices. His sort of ethic does not look at our action to see if it fulfils our duty, or produces a certain outcome, such as the greatest good of the greatest number, and therefore merits approval. Instead, it looks at us; at the character behind the actions, to see whether we merit approval.
Comparing Virtue Ethics with philosophies such as Deontology and Consequentialism, we are able to divide ethical theories into two kinds; act-centered theories and agent-centered theories. Kant’s (Deontological) and Mill’s (Utilitarian) approaches are act-centered, because they concern themselves with our actions, whilst Aristotle’s is agent-centered because it concerns itself with the character of a person, which in his view was ourselves and our own dispositions that prompt our actions.
Both approaches have ardent present-day advocates, and so both are alive and well. Virtue Ethicists are dissatisfied with the answers ‘modern’ act-centered philosophy offers, and look for a more flexible, person-centered approach that takes more account of the subtle varieties of human motivation. Those in this camp see ethics as being about people – moral agents – rather than merely about actions. Of course, your actions matter. But, for Aristotle and his present day advocates alike, they matter as expressions of the kind of person you are. They indicate such qualities as kindness, fairness, compassion, and so on, and it is these qualities and their corresponding vices that it is the business of ethics to approve or disapprove.
All this seems simple and uncontroversial; there are two ways of looking at an action to evaluate it morally. You can take the action in isolation and judge it, or take the agent and judge him or her.
Virtue ethicists argue that act-centered ethics are narrow and bloodless. What is needed is a richer moral vocabulary than just ‘right and wrong’. There are subtle but important differences between actions that are good because they are kind and those that are good because they are generous, and those that are good because they are just. Likewise, there are subtle but important differences between actions that are bad because they are selfish and those that are bad because they are cruel and those that are bad because they are unfair. These, and many other, distinctions are lost when we talk simply about doing one’s duty, or promoting utility. Questions of motive and of character are lost, in these asceptic terms. Modern moral philosophy won’t do: it is cold, technical and insensitive to the many kinds and degrees of value expressed in human actions. Ethics is more than just thought experiments and hypotheticals about what would be the right course of action to take in any given situation we might conjure up from the comfort of our armchair. Ethics is about doing, and about context and character.

The Different Kinds of "Virtue Ethics"

Virtue Ethics has has been developed in two main directions: Eudaimonism, and agent-based theories.
Eudaimonism (Aristotle's view) bases virtues in human flourishing, where flourishing is equated with performing one’s distinctive function well. In the case of humans, Aristotle argued that our distinctive function is reasoning, and so the life “worth living” is one which we reason well. He also believed that only free men in the upper classes of society (i.e., the aristocrats) could excel in virtue and eschew vice, being that such men had greater access to the means in accomplishing this task as they had the wealth and resources to better perform their distinctive function of 'reasoning,' and thus "live well." For the Eudaimonian, inner dispositions are what one ought to focus on in order to cultivate virtuous traits, and thus a virtuous character.
In contrast, an agent-based theory emphasizes that virtues are determined by common-sense intuitions that we as observers judge to be admirable traits in other people. There are a variety of human traits that we find admirable, such as benevolence, kindness, compassion, etc., and we can identify these by looking at the people we admire, our moral exemplars. Agent-based theories also state that the motivations and intentions behind an action are ultimately what determine whether or not said action is actually virtuous. Whereas Eudaimonism understands the moral life in terms of inner dispositions or proclivities to act in certain ways (whether righteous or wicked, just or unjust, kind or cruel, etc.), agent-based theories are more radical in that their evaluation of actions is dependent on ethical judgments about the inner life of the agents who perform those actions, that is, what the motivations and intents are of a person.
[Note: While both Eudaimonism and agent-based theories are both agent-centered, Eudaimonism is not to be confused with an agent-based theory. Both branches concern themselves more with agents rather than acts themselves, but Eudamonism focuses on the self to improve whereas the agent-based theory focuses on others to improve.]

Common Critcisims Toward Secular Forms of Virtue Ethics

Firstly, Eudaimonism provides a self-centered conception of ethics because "human flourishing" (here defined as simply fulfilling our base function as humans, which is "reason" according to this view) is seen as an end in itself and does not sufficiently consider the extent to which our actions affect other people. Morality requires us to consider others for their own sake and not because they may benefit us. There seems to be something wrong with aiming to behave compassionately, kindly, and honestly merely because this will make oneself happier or "reason well."
Secondly, both Eudaimonism and agent-based theories also don't provide guidance on how we should act, as there are no clear principles for guiding action other than “act as a virtuous person would act given the situation.” Who is a virtuous person? Who is the first or universal exemplar?
Lastly, the ability to cultivate the right virtues will be affected by a number of different factors beyond a person’s control due to education, society, friends and family. If moral character is so reliant on luck, what role does this leave for appropriate praise and blame of the person? For the Eudaimonian, one ought to be born into a status of privilege if they wish to excel in being virtuous. For the proponent of an agent-based theory, one ought to be born into a society or family with good role models and preferably be raised by such, else they have no moral exemplars to emulate.

The New Testament's Virtue Ethic

The New Testament authors didn’t sit down and do a self-consciously philosophical exercise, for this was not what they were concerned with. They were concerned with giving practical instruction to disciples of the faith, and merely trying to express the ethical implications of their spiritual experience. That being said, we know the apostle Paul was familiar with the writings of Aristotle. We can actually identify places where Paul displays knowledge of Aristotle and incorporates some of the philosopher's ideas into his own epistles. Before we do this, however, it's important we refute common misnomers about what the Bible teaches concerning ethics in general.
You probably have heard many attack the ethics of the New Testament as being primitive and simplistic. "God dictates universal commands to follow: 'do not lie,' do 'not divorce,' 'do not insult.' And the only motivating factor is escaping hellfire and obtaining the reward of eternal pleasure." But in reality, this is a gross misrepresentation of the ethics laid out in the NT. I will argue the NT advocates for a form of virtue ethics, instead of claiming the NT contains a form of deontic ethics, as it is so often assumed.
Elizabeth Anscombe was one of the most influential virtue ethicists of the 20th century. Her work helped to revive virtue ethics in the modern era, however she also criticized the ethics of the Bible for promoting a form of ethics different than what Aristotle promoted:
"...between aristotle and us came Christianity, with its law conception of ethics. For Christianity derived its ethical notions from the Torah. (One might be inclined to think that a law conception of ethics could arise only among people who accepted an allegedly divine positive law..." (Modern Moral Philosophy, vol. 33, no. 124, 1-19)
We've already dealt with the issue of the Torah in another post. The Torah is not laying down moral laws, but describing justice in the form of ancient Near Eastern wisdom literature. But does the New Testament teach a deontic form of ethics? Anscombe might appear justified in her claim, as some "Christian" theologians have explicitly taught the ethics of the NT is deontic.
However, other theologians have argued the ethics of the NT is best characterized as a form of virtue ethics. In a study of the NT, we'll support this notion. As noted earlier, one of the central features of this approach to ethics is that the aim of ethics should be on living a virtuous life. Other forms of ethics focus on directing actions when confronted with a moral dilemma, but for virtue ethics every action is a moral or immoral action because all of our actions contribute or do not contribute to living a virtuous life. In other words, for a virtue ethicist, everything we do will contribute to living a fulfilled life. Now, the NT promotes a similar idea with a slight modification. The NT changes the distinctictive function and purpose for man in Eudaimonism from "reasoning" to loving God and others instead, and thus "living well" is changed from self-centered 'flourshing' (as defined by Aristotle) to glorifying God instead. The apostles taught everything we do contributes to living a life that glorifies God:
"Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God."-1 Corinthians 10:31
"And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him."-Colossians 3:17
So we see the same idea in Paul, that everything we do can be seen as a moral or immoral action. Everything we do should be seen as contributing to living a life that glorifies god or not. As a believer, the aim is not just doing good actions to avoid punishments, but to see everything we do as glorifying God. On secular virtue ethics, all our actions are either advancing a good life or not: nourishing your body contributes to living a good life. In a Biblical context: taking the time to properly dress contributes to living a good life, and not giving into the sin of sloth. So all our actions can be moral actions in this context, and so likewise for Paul and Jesus, all we do can contribute to living a life that glorifies God.
Since God made our bodies to thrive and enjoy life, we should nourish our bodies so we can thrive as God intended for our bodies to do, thus ultimately glorifying Him. Since we were created to experience and feel enjoyment, laughing and enjoying things throughout life glorifies God as well since we're experiencing emotions that God created to be experienced. Everything we do should be to glorify God, and often all that is is living our lives in the way that they were intended to be lived. Biblical ethics is very much more than merely performing right actions, but living a virtuous life that brings glory to God.
As Jesus said:
"Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind."-Matthew 22:37b
It is also important to focus on what it means to love, which is an important aspect of what it means to be a believer. Paul makes the radical claim that to love is the entirety of the law of God:
"For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself."-Galatians 5:14
Jesus also taught that to love God and love others were the two greatest commandments (Mark 12:28-31, Matt. 22:34-40). He also extends the commandment to love beyond one's brethren, and to love our enemies (Matt. 5:44). Loving those around us is central to what it means to be a believer (John 13:34; 15:12-17, Rom. 12:10; 13:8, 1 Cor. 13:1-8; 16:14, 2 Cor. 8:8, Eph. 4:2; 5:2, Phili. 1:9, Heb. 10:24, Jam. 2:8, 1 Pet. 1:22, 1 John 2:10; 3:23).
One might suggest this is no different than the Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do to you," or a Kantian rule: "I ought never to act except in such a way that I could also will that my maxim should become a universal law." In other words, "to live well is to perform good deeds or actions and nothing more." But an important point about loving someone is it cannot be done through actions alone. For example, one could buy a gift for their spouse to cheer them up. However, one could perform this action merely because they value performing right actions without any love for the person. One could donate to charity because it is the right thing to do, and not because she cares for the people who would benefit. In such scenarios, they can be seen as idolizing moral laws, not necessarily caring about helping others.
But to love someone requires more than merely performing right actions. You cannot love someone and not care about who they are as a person and where they are heading in life. To love is to will the good of the other. Jesus chastised the Pharisees of his day for only performing right actions, but not loving their brethren in their hearts. His criticism follows Matthew chapter 22, where Jesus says the greatest commandments are to love. The implication is the Pharisees perform proper actions, but have the wrong motivations for doing so. James Keenan puts it like this:
"Essential to understanding this command is that we love our neighbors not as objects of our devotion, but rather as subjects; that is, as persons. Thus, we cannot love others only because God wants us to do so, since then we would love them as means or as objects and not as persons. We can only love one another as subjects, just as God loves us." (Jesus and Virtue Ethics: Building Bridges Between New Testament Studies and Moral Theology, pg. 86)
A critic may bring up that verses of the NT are still phrased as commands, and therefore the structure implies duties were the central aspect of Christian ethics. But the importance of duties is not foreign to Virtue Ethics. Instead of being central to the ethical framework, duties flow from a virtuous character. Virtues are active and have certain demands for which a person must fulfill in their active behavior.
According to Aristotle, knowledge of the virtues gives us practical wisdom in how to properly act. Duties flow from the understanding of the demands of virtues. To put it another way, for virtues to manifest in persons, they have certain demands that must be fulfilled. For the believer, the command of love flows from being virtuous and aligning oneself with the character of God. Commitment to the character of Christ, who perfectly carried out the will of the Father, allows us to perform right and proper actions.
The NT also contains lists of virtues the believer ought to emulate, the most famous of these is in Galatians chapter 5:
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law." (vss. 22-23)
Now, the connection with Aristotle cannot be more pronounced. The Greek phrase "against such there is no law" is almost identical to what we find in Aristotle's politics (3.13.1284a). It seems clear Paul is teaching a similar ethical framework to what Aristotle advocated for. Paul is teaching that the believing community ought to be persons who display key virtues, and that their conduct would not need to be regulated by a law. Instead, their character should be the standard others can measure themselves by. Romans chapter 2 is also a place we see references to Aristotle, where Paul notes that when Gentiles do what the law requires, they are "a law unto themselves" (vss. 14-15). In other words, they do not need to be told to act a certain way. They have the proper virtuous character that directs their actions, to do the good the law requires. Paul is advocating in Galatians that believers should think in a similar way.
So in Galatians 5, we have affinity with the teachings of Aristotle, and in other lists of virtues throughout the NT we see a similar idea, which is that Christians were meant to display virtues primarily (Rom. 5:3-5, 1 Cor. 13:1-8, Col. 3:12-17, 1 Tim. 3:2-3; 4:7-8, Jam. 3:17-18, 2 Pet. 1:5-8). From that, good deeds will properly manifest in our actions.
Anscombe made a great point on what the focus of ethics should be:
"It would be a great improvement if, instead of 'morally wrong', one always named a genus such as 'untruthful', 'unchaste', 'unjust'. We should no longer ask whether doing something was 'wrong', passing directly from some description of an action to this notion; we should ask whether, e.g., it was unjust; and the answer would sometimes be clear at once." (Modern Moral Philosophy, vol. 33, no. 124, 1-19)
Interestingly enough, Paul lays out a similar idea in explaining Christian ethics:
"Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you."-Philippians 4:8-9
In other words, the central aspect on living a Christian life was on what is virtuous, not on what is lawfully right or wrong. Right actions flow from whatever is honorable, true, and pure. Correlating with this is how Paul responds to the Corinthians who claimed that "all was lawful." Paul reminded them the emphasis is not on what is lawful, but on what is good for building a virtuous character:
"All things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but all things edify not."-1 Corinthians 10:23
One's main focus ought to be on what is good, not on laws that dictate behavior.
One of the key aspects of Virtue Ethics is the idea we ought to learn from virtuous teachers and imitate them. A virtuous character is obtained by imitating what a virtuous person does. This parallels a key aspect of Christian ethics. Imitating Christ was (and still is) crucial to living a virtuous life:
"For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps:"-1 Peter 2:21
Paul says in Romans 8:29 that Christians were predestined "to be conformed to the image of his Son." Jesus often taught his followers to do as he does (Matt. 16:24, Mark 8:34, Luke 6:40; 9:23, John 13:15, 34). Paul says in 1st Corinthians 11: Be ye followers [i.e., imitators] of me, even as I also am of Christ" (vs. 1). Hebrews 13:7 says to imitate the faith of the patriarchs. 1st Thessalonians 2:14 says to imitate each other. And jesus taught to imitate the good Samaritan from his parable (Luke 10:37). Imitating virtuous teachers was key for Christian ethics.
Aristotle tended to compare acquiring virtues with that of learning a practical skill, like playing an instrument or learning how to become a builder. Such practical skills are best picked up when trained by a master of that particular skill, because a teacher can always provide more insight through lessons they learn from experience. For example, an expert salesman can provide examples from his experience of what works with specific customers that a sales textbook could never provide. Many professions today require on-the-job training or experience before even hiring an applicant. The reason is: experience is key to learning a profession. Merely acquiring knowledge from a textbook or an instruction manual is often insufficient to master a skill, so why would mastering the skill of virtue be any different?
In the NT, a believer is to see the world through the eyes of Christ and to love as he loved. One cannot learn how to be a virtuous person without knowing what that life would look like. A key component of Christian theology is that the Messiah perfectly represented the Father and His will on earth, to show us how to properly live as God intended for man. This central tenet of the NT aligns well with agent-based theories of Virtue Ethics, and modifies it so that the person of Jesus Christ is the universal exemplar that one is meant to emulate. We are called to imitate him through our actions, thoughts, and desires, and to conform ourselves to the way he lived. As Paul said:
"I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me."-Galatians 2:20
If learning from Christ is key, we should briefly take a look at the Sermon on the Mount, which is said to be one of Jesus' most important series of teachings. Daniel Harrington notes:
"The sermon begins with nine 'beatitudes' (see 5:3–12) in which Jesus declares as 'happy' or 'blessed' those who practice certain virtues, and promises them an eternal reward and the fullness of God's kingdom." (Jesus and Virtue Ethics: Building Bridges Between New Testament Studies and Moral Theology, pg. 62)
Jesus laid out what a life for those that follow him look like in detail. One ought to be merciful, pure in heart, a peacemaker, thirst for righteousness, etcetera (Matt. 5:2-10). The Sermon does not merely include what right actions are, but includes sections on proper desires. Not only is it wrong to murder, but it is wrong to desire to murder or wish ill on someone (Matt. 5:22). Avoiding adultery is good, but one also should not covet after another man's woman in their heart (Matt. 5:28). In other words, merely avoiding immoral actions is not enough. One must also not desire vices. A believer is called to desire what is good.
The Sermon is not necessarily laying down universal moral commands. For example, Matthew 5:9 says, "Blessed are the peacemakers," but this doesn't imply absolute Pacifism, as it would contradict passages in the Old Testament where it explicitly says there is a time for war (Ecc. 3:8). The point of the Sermon is to teach what a virtuous life ought to look like. A follower of Christ ought to use reason to know what is proper to do in various circumstances. For example, in Matthew chapter 6, Jesus offers guidance on how one ought to pray by presenting the Lord's prayer (vss. 9-15). This is a model of how to pray. It's not a command for followers to always pray in this exact way.
In reality, the Sermon on the Mount mixes in exhortations, parables, hyperbole, declarations, commands, etc. It is best understood as displaying what a virtuous life ought to look like. It's not a law code. Building on this, it's important to understand a proper action is context sensitive. Under Virtue Ethics, one should not necessarily apply a universal maxim to every situation. Sometimes the proper action will depend on what is at stake, who is involved, what is the background, etc. Aristotle advocated against the idea there were fixed universal laws that dictate actions, and instead he argued the right action would depend on the circumstances one finds themselves in. Although the ethics of the NT may be a bit more strict, it still places an emphasis on being sensitive to the context of situations.
In 1st Corinthians chapter 8, Paul lays out instructions on how to deal with meat that has been sacrificed to Pagan idols. Instead of stating an absolute prohibition against meat sacrificed to idols, Paul instructed Christians to use reason to come to the proper ethical decision based on context. In other words, the right action is not determined only by a law. Instead, the Christian had to make the proper decision based on the context: if eating caused another to stumble, then you ought to abstain; if not, then there's no harm done. The value of the action depends on the context.
A Deontologist might reply that there's still a universal law given here: that one should always abstain if it's going to cause another to stumble. This objection can be addressed by asking: how are we to know if eating the meat will cause another believer to stumble? To answer such a question, one must be sensitive to the context, which in this case would be knowledge of the fellow believer and your relation to him. It is the context that determines the right action, not a universal law. Moreover, Paul states that the primary goal for the believer should be to love (1 Cor. 13). The first consideration is once again not the rightness of action, but having love for one another. From this, knowledge of the proper action will follow.
Paul often explains that living a proper life as a believer will take work and practice. He reminded Timothy to attend readings, practice what these things mean, and keep a close watch on himself (1 Tim. 4:13-14). Elsewhere, he directs that all believers must work on their faith (Phili. 2:12). Beyond this, he also noted that not all Christians would have the same gifts, and to accept that this was normal (1 Cor. 12). For some, certain things may be a hindrance, whereas for others it is acceptable (Rom. 14:2-4). What matters is that we love and build one another up (1 Thess. 5:11). Right actions flow from love and knowledge of virtue. Rules are not the primary motives that dictate our actions; rules are secondary in this regard.
An interesting case can be studied with regards to divorce in the Gospels. Jesus preaches against divorce (Mark 10:7-9) and it is often interpreted to mean "divorce is always wrong, regardless of circumstances." However, it should be noted the prohibition on divorce is not a universal law. The context can affect whether or not a divorce is permissible. Jesus says that one can divorce over sexual immorality. Paul also has a situation where divorce is permissible, namely if one spouse is an unbeliever and wishes to leave (1 Cor. 7:15). The implication one can derive is divorce is not ideal, but there are circumstances where it may be the proper action to take. Given the other features of Christian Virtue Ethics we already covered, the proper action to take will depend on the circumstances and what the virtuous agent thinks is the most loving thing to do. A universal prohibition on divorce is not a Christian ethic. Instead, one ought to discern the proper action from circumstances. However, it's clear in most cases divorce would not be the virtuous thing to do.
Building on this, it's important to note that within NT ethics, certain acts are always wrong. For example, idolatry and sexual immorality are always wrong (1 Cor. 10:14, Col. 3:15, 1 Pet. 4:13). There are no possible scenarios where it would be okay to rape, because such an act would never flow from a virtuous character. But this concept is not foreign to theories of Virtue Ethics. Aristotle noted that for some actions, no qualifications could make them virtuous. Actions such as rape or murder are always wrong, because they would never flow from a virtuous character. So it's not as if a Virtue Ethicist cannot claim that some actions are always wrong. They simply are qualified as being unable to flow from virtue, whereas actions like lying or waging war could be considered virtuous for the right reason.
Now, despite Christian Virtue Ethics having many similarities with Eudaimonism (Aristotelian ethics), there are also numerous differences beyond what we've already noted. One of the deficiencies of how Aristotle lays out his ethical theory is that it is essentially an all-boys club. Aristotle writes mainly to aristocratic men, excluding women and slaves. In his view, women were inferior to men and slaves lacked the necessary rational faculty. But the Christians rejected this mentality, as the teachings of Christ and the apostles were available to all (Matt. 28:19). Paul said, "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus" (Gal. 3:28). Peter wrote that all Christians were part of the priesthood of Christ (1 Pet. 2:5). Jesus had women followers (Luke 8:2-3), and they were entrusted with delivering revelation (Mark 15:40–16:8). What we find throughout the NT is a radical change to how women were viewed in the ancient world. Paul is also likely building on Aristotle's household structure and refining it. David deSilva says the household codes of the NT are "...following the pairs laid out as early as Aristotle to such a degree as to suggest that these were standard topics in ethical instruction" (Honor, Patronage, Kinship & Purity, pg. 231). But Paul adds an important preface: submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ (Eph. 5:20-21). DeSilva says:
"...husbands, we cannot then ignore the distinctively Christian addition they bring to this arrangement; husbands are to be subject to their wives as well." (Honor, Patronage, Kinship & Purity, pg. 233)
Thus Paul doesn't break down the traditional perspective on the structure of the family, but he does add the idea that we all must submit to each other in reverence, love, unity, and cooperation because all are equal before God. There is no explicit mention in the NT calling for the abolishment of slavery, but it should be noted that Paul taught that slaves should be seen as equals. In the letter to Philemon, Paul is clear that his slave is no longer "as a servant, but above a servant, a brother beloved" (vs. 16). Thus, within Christian ethics class distinctions were supposed to evaporate. All were brothers and sisters of one family.
An important aspect of Christian ethics is that it wasn't a standalone ethical theory. It's embedded in the larger Christian worldview. The ethical framework is dependent on Christian doctrines. For Aristotle, his ethical theory is for men who were raised well. This is why these specific men desire to be virtuous and perform right actions. As for why the believer does good and desires to be virtuous, it's not because one was raised well, but because they have been activated by the power of God's Spirit (John 3:6, 1 Cor. 12:13). For believers, the reason as to why we desire to be good and virtuous is because the Spirit of God has regenerated us. He loves us so we can love others (1 John 4:19). One is meant to look to the life of Christ and what he has done by dying on the cross, to know that we are loved and forgiven. This in turn is meant to activate a good life, having seen what we have gained and been forgiven of. He calls and activates us to do similar to those around us. This is a more open system for people of all groups and classes. One only has to call upon the name of the Lord to be included. It does not require a specific gender or to be raised a certain way.
The goal of Aristotelian ethics is to achieve 'eudaimonia.' However, within the Bible the goal is as the Westminster Shorter Catechism puts it: "Man's chief end is to glorify God, and enjoy Him forever." Since the central aspect of Biblical Eschatology is that humans will continue on forever in resurrected bodies, the aim of ethics is more than living a good life presently. Living a good life now is important, but it was only one aspect in the Christian worldview. Humans are meant to live beyond this life, so the aim is also about building virtuous souls that will continue on. The importance of this is more crucial than it may seem at first. Paul said that we must all appear before judgment, so that "every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad" (2 Cor. 15:10).
Being a virtuous person requires integrity, because one will still have to answer to God after death. If one can commit an evil act and no one finds out, then from the outside perspective he or she may still appear virtuous. Culturally speaking, the ancient world was very different from our own. All wrongdoings centered around public honor and shame. One did good to receive public honor, and one did not do what was bad to receive public shame. Right and wrong were connected to one's public honor and shame in the ancient Greco-Roman world. Thus good and evil were public ideas, not personal ideas. Ethical demands were grounded in the community in one's public appearance
The Biblical idea of an omniscient God who cared about our ethical status laid a foundation for integrity and personal guilt to emerge. Now one ought to do good because he is beholden to God, not just the community. Believers are to remain focused on God's approval and on the actions that lead them, regardless of the world's response. This lays down fertile ground for integrity to emerge. So the Biblical worldview has another important element built in that encourages ethical behavior, regardless of the honor it brings. One ought to do good because of a commitment to God not, because it might bring honor to one's name publicly.

Implications for Preterists

Paul believed that the Second Coming would happen in his generation, and prescribed certain things in the NT on the basis of that belief. An example of an exhortation that would no longer apppy to us today would be 1st Corinthians 7:24-29, where Paul argues that the times him and his fellow Christians were in called for celibacy, being that the Lord was fast approaching. It wasn't a sin if you did get married, of course; it was just harder to serve the Lord in this context if you had a family to worry about. Thus, Paul encouraged being single.
So, we need to be careful when reading the NT and determining what prohibitions or exhortations are still applicable to us today. Context is key.
submitted by The_Way358 to u/The_Way358 [link] [comments]


2024.05.15 11:53 shaneka69 CANCER ZODIAC - UNEXPECTED INCOME! TAROT READING MAY 2024

CANCER ZODIAC TAROT READING - UNEXPECTED INCOME MAY 2024

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submitted by shaneka69 to mytarotreadings [link] [comments]


2024.05.15 11:36 Virtual-Bicycle-3249 And again.

I went back and re-read one of your last letters... and I'm still stuck. "I appreciate that you're interested, but come on..." Except... "Does she like you?" and then "How much does she like you?" Maybe it's just my betrayal wounding, keeping me rooted in a problem that doesn't need to be one. You clearly got something out of the signals you sent or you wouldn't have done so. That doesn't have to mean anything. You didn't owe me. But we were friends, and you essentially played games with my heart, and that does mean something. It means a great deal to me because I've already been betrayed by so many.
You didn't know a lot of this, because we didn't ever really go that deep. I would have wanted to, but you never showed any interest in asking me the same kinds of personal questions I asked you in the beginning. I realize looking back that the information about me you did have was volunteered. And that tracks with what you said about your lack of attachment. Repression, disinterest, perception of being a third wheel. Why bother to feel if you believe your feelings will never be reciprocated? I know that feeling... except you put me on the receiving end because of your inability to connect to and manage yourself, and now I have to deal with that.
I realize how toxic my reactions to you were. How I jumped into fixing when I should have been taking a step back and letting you figure it out. And I get how that escalated things. That's something I have to work on, and forgive myself for. That's an issue in itself. It doesn't mitigate the game playing though. You didn't have to ...
It just hurts, I guess. I'm realizing part of that is shame, for not being more aware. Man after man has misled me about their intentions and instead of being more mindful of that, I hung on every word, every hint, rationalizing the mixed signals and hot and cold nonsense. One day, making me blush, the next, nowhere to be found or saying offensive stuff, refusing to apologize, and disappearing for a bit, only to come back and act like nothing happened a day or two later. It's maddening. I know better. But I was enamoured of you, and so attached, so I overlooked and made excuses and tried to fix, so I wouldn't have to say goodbye, and all I really did was magnify my own pain when it inevitably hit that this was convenient for you, pleasurable in the comfortable, distant way Internet connections can be, but it didn't really impact your every day life. Not like it did mine. I was looking for something in you that I should have been finding in myself. My ivory tower fell a long time ago, but somehow I seem to have remained an idealist, a romantic, and letting go of the idea of a great love is hard for me. There was so much about you that seemed familiar to me. I thought we had more in common than we do.
I don't really know what I'm getting at here. The fundamental core of this sentiment is you hurt me, and you didn't have to. I own my own shit. And I can see that you struggle to figure everything out, that you're trying to get better, and I appreciate that. But... you hurt me, and you didn't have to. I know you said sorry for leading me on. But all that about "mistakenly talking about" your "confusion" and telling me that I "can be very engaging"... so it's my fault? I mean, thanks for the compliment, but I really don't understand what that means. When I feel lonely and sad I return to that letter again and again, not to wallow, but because I feel tied in knots over how nonsensical some of it is. It's nobody's fault if you lead someone on except yours. It doesn't matter if they're a solid 10 (and I'm not, but let's go hyperbolic to slide the point home, shall we?). The responsibility for your behavior lays with you, just like mine does with me. I could be Aphrodite incarnate (I'm not) and you would still bear the sole responsibility for how you approached me. It doesn't matter that I'm a certain way, the only person who confused you is you. And if you had wanted to talk about it, I mean actually, really talk about it, I'd have held space. But to shame me for not being more forward when you weren't even sure you wanted me to be interested in the first place, only to tell me my interest is misplaced, and apologize for leading me on while distancing yourself from actually having done so... It's all so much circular, self indulgent bullshit.
And it isn't really that this one thing is coloring my entire experience of you... or that it's this world shattering big deal. It's not. I think I am fixated on that specifically because it hits on so many other experiences where men felt I was a sort of commodity to value or discard as they pleased, without regard for how it affected my well being. "I didn't mean to hurt you" doesn't always mean "I actively kept your wellbeing in mind, but I made mistakes and that hurt you, and I'm sorry". Sometimes, it means "I wasn't actively thinking about not hurting you." I'm sure you can see the difference in those two statements.
I suppose I could look inward, because when I was triggered by your outbursts and your lack of accountability, and later, your abandonment, I certainly wasn't thinking about your wellbeing. When I went NC the only aspect of you I was thinking about was the behavior and lack of good good faith I needed to protect myself from. I see how some of that is exaggerated. When you're not melting down, you're actually quite earnest. You said you don't attach, yet on multiple occasions you've demonstrated premeditated consideration. You can be quite thoughtful. Charming, sweet, earnest, provocative even (not in the antagonistic way, though you're very good at that, too).
You already said I deserved better. I don't know what I'm looking for here. It just hurts. It hurts, and it didn't have to.
submitted by Virtual-Bicycle-3249 to letters [link] [comments]


2024.05.15 11:28 HeatherBell94 [Get] Duston McGroarty – Domain Flipping Masterclass Download

[Get] Duston McGroarty – Domain Flipping Masterclass Download
https://preview.redd.it/85cm8e317k0d1.jpg?width=300&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2f971fb544a557e6c0e91d1fe2a031d4055afba2

What You Get:


The past few months have been rough for me.Back in March, I began experiencing health issues.Most days, I couldn’t even make it to my desk.As a marketer, that sucks… I’ll be the first to tell you.Luckily, I’m on the mend and feeling better and better each day.I’ve been able to pick up where I left off way back in March with my work on the 24-Hour Salesman and the Founder’s Club.Thank you to everyone who’s been so patient with me during this time. I can’t tell you how much it meant to me.Reason I’m emailing today is because I’m holding a brand new, VERY exclusive live training called The Domain Flipping Masterclass.I’ve gotten REALLY good at this lately and I’ve been wanting to teach this FOREVER but just haven’t had the time.I originally had planned on making an entire course/coaching program (that I would’ve sold for no less than $497) to teach this specific topic but because I’m so busy with the 24-Hours Salesman and the Founder’s Club…I’m just not gonna have the time.But I don’t want to wait any longer to share this with you…So I’m gonna cram it all into one big LIVE masterclass that I’ll be holding this Tuesday, July 25, 2023, at 10:00 AM CST.The entire masterclass WILL be recorded for those who can’t attend live.BUT… and this is a big BUT…I’m capping registrations for this event.Mainly because…This money-making opportunity is really, REALLY good and I don’t want to “over-saturate” the market by letting everyone and their brother in on how I do this.So, what that means is…If you’re at all interested in making money online FAST…Secure your seat to the masterclass NOW before they’re sold out!And if you’re one of the first 20 people to register, I’m gonna GIVE YOU one of my $500+ domain names for FREE!Yes, you read that right…The first 20 people to register for my Brand New Domain Flipping Masterclass will receive one of my very own domain names worth $500 or more for FREE!But this is just for the first 20 people. No gimmicks. No catches.I’ve got 20 domain names, all worth AT LEAST $500, that I’m willing to part with. Many are worth $1,000 or more.And some that are worth even more than that.So, basically, if you’re one of the first 20 people to join…You’re MAKING MONEY before you even attend the masterclass!You can see the full list of domains I’m going to give away below:So, basically, if you’re one of the first 20 people to join…You’re MAKING MONEY before you even attend the masterclass!And, you get to choice which domain you want from my list after enrolling.It’s first come, first served. The faster you enroll, the more domains you get to pick from.Okay, lemme tell you a little more about what the masterclass is going to cover on Tuesday.Basically, if you understand what house-flipping is, you’ll pick this up pretty quick.This is NOT a “buy and hold” strategy session though…I’m all about making FAST MONEY flipping domains.My secret sauce has to do with HOW I choose the domains to buy.Like real estate investors say… you make your money when you buy.I rarely buy “premium domains”.And by rarely I mean, I’ve purchased maybe 3 premium domains my entire life.Instead, I’ve perfected the process of finding what I call “Diamonds In The Rough”.These are domain names nobody has discovered yet.Ones people completely overlook. In niches most people could care less about.Like the two domains I showed you above…One was in the “Pets” niche and the other is in a subcategory of a subcategory of an already tiny niche.Point is, most “domainers” are going after stuff everyone else is already fighting over.But they’re missing already-available $8 domains that are immediately worth $1,000+ the same day you buy them.So, how do you sell them? Who’s gonna just pay you $1,000+ for a domain they could’ve gotten for $8 a few hours earlier that day?Tons and TONS of people will gladly pay you $1k+ for the RIGHT domain.But you gotta buy the RIGHT domains.Once I reveal my strategy on Tuesday, it’ll make complete sense to you and you’ll wonder why you never thought of this strategy before.But you’ll just have to wait until Tuesday to find out how I’m doing it ;)!So… moral of the story here is…You can turn $8 into $1,000 or more in LESS THAN 24 HOURS…WITHOUT any fancy or expensive software (most of the software I use is free)…WITHOUT a website of your own…WITHOUT an email list of your own…WITHOUT spending a boatload of money ($8 will get you REALLY good $1k+ domain names)…WITHOUT ever having to talk to anyone……AND…WITHOUT any experience at all!This is the perfect make money online strategy for the absolute beginner.Spend $8. Make $1,000 or more FAST.I don’t know that I’ve taught an easier strategy before, to be honest.Again, it’s all about choosing the RIGHT type of domain name.Like real estate investing, you make your money when you BUY.If you buy the wrong type of real estate investment, it’ll quickly turn into an expense instead.Same goes here.What You Get:
https://courseshere.com/download/get-duston-mcgroarty-domain-flipping-masterclass-download/
submitted by HeatherBell94 to u/HeatherBell94 [link] [comments]


2024.05.15 11:12 gerard_debreu1 politics PhD with economics bachelors

reposting the following as i've had only one response over a few webstes. that probably indicates some info is missing, or it's hard to say, but i really need to know because preparing for and taking the GRE would take a month or more. (so, if you really can't say, saying that would also be helpful.)
again, my main interest would be something like comparative political economy, things like looking at international markets and relationships between industry and government. i may also specialise in something like IPE or the political economy of development, don't know yet, but i will have a good idea by the time i'd apply, i think.
i really don't want to do a masters, because from where i am i can't get into any good politics/political economy masters (at least at schools where serious research is done, which as i understand it is critical because i'll need letters from good people). doing a masters in international economics at a good school is my only alternative, but i don't know if it's necessary; i think i've signaled my ability to do research pretty well already.
"i would appreciate some pointers on whether it's a realistic possibility i'll get into any phd programs - it'd be very good to know because studying for the GRE would be a big time commitment. i am in economics but planning to make the switch to political science, probably something related to (international) political economy and comparative politics.
i have a 1,2 average in a 3-year quant-oriented econ degree (the grade basically corresponds to a first's in the UK system). i have A's in statistics, maths, and econometrics courses and i'll do some empirical work in my thesis. it's one of the best german universities although it's pretty unknown internationally. i have about a year of RA experience and one semester of TA. will get letters from my bosses (one of which is a pretty famous economist), and my thesis supervisor. i plan to take the GRE.
i was thinking about applying to the following schools. basically (top15) - (top5) [of course, i'll look into individual school fit with my interests, but that's sort of the range i'm interested in attending.]
submitted by gerard_debreu1 to PoliticalScience [link] [comments]


2024.05.15 11:06 Latter-Lingonberry43 Misleading Representation of Employment

Hi all, currently experiencing a bit of trouble regarding employment in VIC. I've asked around for some assistance and currently running into a dead end and looking for some guidance on what to do next. For the sake of anonymity, I've left the names of all parties involved vague.
So I (34 m) was referred by my partner (32 f) to the company she is currently working for at the tail end of Feb. The role is an entry-level position and is right up my alley in terms of work background. I was invited for an interview and received positive feedback. However, I was informed a few days later that my inability to commence immediately (I needed 2 weeks notice for the company I worked for at the time) resulted in the role being filled by another candidate. Unfortunate but understandable and was informed that they'll keep me in mind should there be another position available in the future. Was bummed out for a little bit but that's just how life is sometimes.
A few weeks later, in March, one of the managers contacts my partner after work hours asking if I was still interested in working for the company for a similar role. Of course, I accepted immediately and waited for their HR team to contact me with the official offer via email. Late March, I received an email from the company stating that the initial role I applied for in March has opened up once again. Ecstatic, I emailed them back accepting the role. They then mentioned that they will begin the onboarding process and that I should provide my references to which I promptly did.
Its important to mention that I firmly believed that I was going to be hired at this point since they specifically mentioned the role in the email and that they will begin the onboarding process. Learning from the previous experience with the hiring procedures, I turned in my resignation letter to the company I was working for. Luckily, my manager at the time allowed just one week of resignation period since they were happy I was moving into the industry I wanted to be in. My last day at that company was the last day of March so it all kind of worked out.
April comes around and I advised my new employer that I am able to start as early as the first week and they replied saying that they will proceed with the onboarding process and send the necessary paperwork to be filled in (referral forms, contracts etc.). A week goes by, they let me know that there was an internal delay but eventually they inform me that the referral forms have been sent. A few days later they receive all the forms they needed and confirmed it with me. I eagerly await for the employment contract to be sent to me as I assumed that was the next step.
This brings us to mid-April. The HR manager mentions that there have been some changes internally and they will contact me via phone. They call me, apologizing letting me know that the company is unable to continue with my application due to a change of requirements. The initial role has switched to a more demanding one which I am not qualified for. They informed me the very last minute, leaving me with the feeling of being misled, my time wasted, and unemployed. Not to mention the distress I've experienced.
I've taken the following weeks to reach out to Fair Work, Job Watch and Consumer Vic. I was advised to file a formal complaint to the company using the complaint template on the Consumer Vic site as they said that they have violated section 31 of the Australian Consumer Law.
I have drafted the complaint but I am not sure what to do next. Do I contact a lawyer before doing this? Does my partner need to move companies? Do I reach out to the company and have a formal discussion? I am currently at a loss. Can anyone offer any advice regarding my situation?
Tl;dr: company rescinded job offer after leading me on for weeks leaving me unemployed and stressed
submitted by Latter-Lingonberry43 to AusLegal [link] [comments]


2024.05.15 10:53 shaneka69 CANCER ZODIAC - UNEXPECTED INCOME! TAROT READING MAY 2024

CANCER ZODIAC TAROT READING - UNEXPECTED INCOME MAY 2024

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJ5mIkLhCyY
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submitted by shaneka69 to mytarotreadings [link] [comments]


2024.05.15 10:52 clar226 Competition in Ukraine during the war

Competition in Ukraine during the war
what ukrainian athletes (who haven't left their country) have to deal with in this context of war. I felt that this was something we should keep in mind, there's something worse than being deprived of international competition: facing mortal danger.
For those interested in this topic, and in ukrainian skating, I recommend these articles written by ukrainians on this site : skateukraine.org What’s interesting about the site and these articles is that they are written by an online community of fs fans, skaters and coaches in Ukraine, but not by the fed directly (which is btw often criticized in these articles). Here are some articles I recommend:
  • https://skateukraine.org/post/2023/nationals_facepalm : is about the organization of the Ukrainian national championships during the war and the uncertainty surrounding the event.
  • https://skateukraine.org/post/2020/wrong_ufsf : this one is interesting and not related to the war. It basically explains the history of Ukrainian federation, and the federation's dependence on government. It's interesting because it's a feature (a sports federation that is attached to the state, rather than constituted as an independent body) found in many former communist states (including, and especially Russia). So for those with a general interest in the links between sport and government in Eastern Europe, this article is highly relevant and can be applied to many other federations as part of a general discussion on the place of the state in sports federations :)
submitted by clar226 to FigureSkating [link] [comments]


2024.05.15 10:43 PlayboiZay300 Snow Land?

Snow Land?
I just finished getting 100% in Sand Land wow I really loved it! As a longtime fan of the manga this has been a dream come true. It’s truly a blessing that Toriyama left us with one last great world to enjoy and arguably one of his best pieces of work.
I can’t get enough of these characters. The trio were always great but getting so much more of them and their personalities has been such a gift. Ann is such an excellent addition as well and brings that Bulma vibe.
This game is truly a love letter. So much new lore, references/easter eggs to other Toriyama works, and even a Neko Majin. It’s paradise for a mega fan of his art.
I’m really hoping we can get a potential DLC in the future. They already gave us way more game than I thought we’d get but it’s so hard to say goodbye to this world. I feel like there’s so much to learn about it. Maybe a new region to explore? I’ve been thinking of a Snow or Winter Land type of area. It could be really fun and could add new vehicles as well. Would others be interested in this idea?
submitted by PlayboiZay300 to SandLand [link] [comments]


2024.05.15 10:35 throwwywayz Voice Coach / Speech Pathologist?

Hi y’all.
I recently became interested in learning to sing. Hearing my voice played back has reminded me how much I dislike my voice - whether I’m speaking or singing. I’m wondering if anyone has recommendations for a voice coach or speech pathologist who might be able to help me.
Someone who specializes in gender-affirming speech therapy might be a good fit for me. While I am a fairly masculine-looking straight cis male, I have a lot of vocal tendencies that don’t match my identity:
I don’t want to drastically change my voice, but I’d like to learn to improve my vocal projection and speak with more intention, confidence, and a natural cadence.
Thanks in advance for any recommendations!
submitted by throwwywayz to askportland [link] [comments]


2024.05.15 10:32 MojoMaster1997 Must be nice to feel it again

Sorry for the long ass post, but bear with me lang
It must be nice to feel again to have a special someone, someone you look forward to seeing, and someone you look forward as well to spend time with (especially on a long and tiring day).
I broke up with my ex last November, reason for it was I had to beg for the bare minimum. I only exist when she needs me, but when I’ve done it, I was cast aside. I gave her time, despite me being busy with work and being busy with law school.
I’ve forgotten about her na, moved on and let go of the grudges I had with her. Now, April 15 this year, I remember this date fondly, I had this co-worker who I was starting to develop feelings for around December, then the more I spend time with her earlier this month, the more my feelings got stronger. I decided, fuck it, aamin ako, mas better umamin ako and ma-turn down rather na di ako umamin then live the days off with regret.
I did it, I confessed to her. She already had a gut feeling, pero ayaw nya umasa (given her past experiences, which we’ll get to later). So ayun, I told her na, she didn’t shot me down, but she was undecided. Given na her past relationships, most of the guys left her and cheated on her, she became afraid or wary of anyone expressing romantic interests with her. Sinabi nya mismo na “bato ako ngayon, and matatagalan pa before ako lumambot, and at this stage pa, if meron magkakagusto sa akin and manliligaw, choice nya yun, if mahihintay nya ako, then I am willing to give that person a chance, pero if hindi, that only shows na easy person lang gusto nya. Choice nya if he will stay, ayaw ko makasakit agad ng tao na pag tinurn down ko sya, magsasalita ng masama sa akin. Alam mo naman and nakwento ko sayo mga napagdaanan ko and trauma ko from my previous relationships, yan ang malaking factor”. IDK, if ako lang, but other guys would no longer make effort knowing na it would take an effort to win that person. But ako, IDK if I’m a sane person, I decided to go with it and ipursue sya, I said to myself “Maybe, what she really wants is to find a guy na di mag-give up sa kanya, naiintindihan yung napagdaanan nya and bigyan sya ng time to fully open up and welcome someone again sa heart nya”. I decided to go for it, why not, if ma turn down pa din ako sa huli, masasaktan ako, pero at least I can say, di ako nagsisi umamin. If nareciprocate efforts ko para ligawan sya, edi TYL. She admitted ako ang first manliligaw nya na in person nagbibigay, I gave her letters, two letters in fact letting her know lang mga naiisip ko sa kanya and how I’m always here for her when she needs it.
I can’t help but imagine lang, na it would be nice sana if she were to be my girlfriend, na sya kasama ko, and yayakap sa akin, someone I can grow with reach our dreams together.
IDK lang if I made the right choice, but only time will tell.
submitted by MojoMaster1997 to OffMyChestPH [link] [comments]


2024.05.15 10:16 HereFromThePodcast Time to leave teaching.. for what?

I have an English teaching degree and 5.5 years of experience. I am not looking to leave quite yet as I love my current job, but I feel like I am not using my mind to the most of its potential and I am really starting to desire something more. In education, the only way to advance is administration and in today’s climate that is not an interest of mine, though I have been encouraged by many others.
I have prior experience as a project manager for a construction company and, while I enjoyed that role the stress and lack of personal satisfaction made me realize it wasn’t long term.
Where do I start to look to try and discover what is next? What inner work did you do to help find clarity with a career? I don’t want to leave the stability of tracing to job hop, but I am really craving something more.
I am confident in my writing skills, but have no direct experience using them outside of teaching them. I have been a part-time instructional coach and know that I have a solid head on my shoulders to be able to handle more in terms of management style jobs, but I do not want to leave a low stress job for one that would be a lot higher.
Any advice is appreciated!
submitted by HereFromThePodcast to careerguidance [link] [comments]


2024.05.15 10:13 Dandys3107 (EU) Creating training group for Low Elo

Hello guys :) I am looking for people that would be interested in participating in an English-speaking group that promotes and teaches proper ways of playing Valorant, especially in terms of communication, teamplay and strategy. Specifically, I would like to find a partner that would help me manage the group and recruit new members, some higher ranked players that would fulfill the role of coaches and of course active members that are interested in developing their skills and playing Valorant with communicative and cooperative teammates. I have some decent experience in leading such group, but I would really make use of some aid there. As gameplay in random lobbies is getting more and more chaotic and solo-oriented, as there is barely any communication and feedback given about proper ways of playing, such group may really come in handy for people that want to learn and play the game how is it supposed to be played, with proper Attack/Defense strategy, agent roles and utility usage, rich and cultural communication. Hit me up on Discord at dandys3107 if you wish to take part in such initiative.
submitted by Dandys3107 to AgentAcademy [link] [comments]


2024.05.15 10:06 ShiBiReadyToCry EXPRESSION OF INTEREST OPEN FOR CANBERRA UNITED HEAD COACH

EXPRESSION OF INTEREST OPEN FOR CANBERRA UNITED HEAD COACH
This should not be the way we find out the current coach isn’t returning, but… Capital Football gonna Capital Football.
submitted by ShiBiReadyToCry to Aleague [link] [comments]


2024.05.15 10:00 AutoModerator Daily Discussion Thread May 15, 2024 - Upcoming Event Schedule - New players start here!

Yahoooo! Welcome to the Daily Discussion Thread! Have a very cool day! Luigi numbah one!
Welcome to the Daily Discussion Thread. This is the place for asking noob questions, venting about netplay falcos, shitposting, self-promotion, and everything else that doesn't belong on the front page.

New Players:

If you're completely new to Melee and just looking to get started, welcome! We recommend you go to https://blippi.gg/ and follow the links there based on what you're trying to set up. Additionally, here are a few answers to common questions:
Can I play Melee online?
Yes! Slippi is a branch of the Dolphin emulator that will allow you to play online, either with your friends or with matchmaking. Go to https://slippi.gg to get it.
Netplay is hard! Is there a place for me to find new players?
Yes. Melee Newbie Netplay is a discord server specifically for new players. It also has tournaments based on how long you've been playing, free coaching, and other stuff. If you're a bit more experienced but still want a discord server for players around your level, we recommend the Melee Online discord.
How can I set up Unclepunch's Training Mode?
First download it here. Then extract everything in the folder and follow the instructions in the README file. You'll need to bring a valid Melee ISO (NTSC 1.02)
I'm having issues with Slippi!
Go to the The Slippi Discord to get help troubleshooting.
How does one learn Melee?
There are tons of resources out there, so it can be overwhelming to start. First check out the SSBM Tutorials youtube channel. Then go to the Melee Library and search for whatever you're interested in.
But how do I get GOOD at Melee?
Check out Llod's Guide to Improvement
Where can I get a nice custom controller?
https://customg.cc/vendors
I have another question that's not answered here...
Check out our FAQs or post below and find help that way.

Upcoming Tournament Schedule:

Upcoming Melee Majors

Melee Online Event Calendar

Make a submission to the tournament calendar here. You can also get notified of new online tournaments on the Melee Online Discord.

submitted by AutoModerator to SSBM [link] [comments]


2024.05.15 09:53 shaneka69 CANCER ZODIAC - UNEXPECTED INCOME! TAROT READING MAY 2024

CANCER ZODIAC TAROT READING - UNEXPECTED INCOME MAY 2024

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJ5mIkLhCyY
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submitted by shaneka69 to mytarotreadings [link] [comments]


2024.05.15 09:53 Appropriate_Hat_9642 The Final Bastion [Grimdark] [4.4K] [Prologue]

This is the prologue for my grimdark story, called the final bastion. The prologue is designed to be the longer chapter, but the other chapters are designed to not exceed 2,000 words.
The overall story blurb: The Vidin Empire launches a campaign of conquest against the once-mighty Kingdom of Pedranier, which stands on the brink of collapse. As the capital city comes under siege by Emperor Mezengi the First, the flamboyant and young Prince Regal, marches to confront the seasoned commander, Garmer Lovewater.
For the prologue synopsis, I will only provide the first part of it. The reason for this is to prevent spoilers as I would love a spoiler free reaction.
Prologue Synopsis: In the prologue, Harisken leads his village in military training against an imperial threat that has been announced in a letter from Sofran Garmer Lovewater, urging defence of their homeland, Pedranier. The villagers, including Harisken's son Carasken begin their training. As they practice combat skills, Harisken imparts lessons of endurance and the harsh realities of war. When they return to the village, a prayer is made and food is served.
I would like criticism on the following:
  1. Character voice - is the narration done well that places you inside of the character's mind (I.E. the narrative does not feel distant).
  2. DIalogue - do the characters all sound different and is it interesting for you?
  3. Emotions - do you connect with the PoV by the end of the chapter?
  4. Is what is happening clear?
This is Grimdark so reader discretion is advised.
Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1eRgQo--isrtDc4ynRQwVeZoZNyvug-VMHn55v5kmaLw/edit?usp=sharing
Thank you, all. If I am missing something, please let me know! And those who are willing to read this, I am certainly willing to repay the favour!
I am into medieval fantasy with no complicated magic system, one that touches the more realistic side of fantasy.
submitted by Appropriate_Hat_9642 to fantasywriters [link] [comments]


2024.05.15 09:49 Everydayuser3 I’m afraid my ex doesn’t know that I want her back

Me and my ex are currently doing no contact. She knows how much I love her as I already write her a very heartfelt letter saying so. We’ve talked about how we can’t see each other with other people and how much we love each other even after the breakup. Yet long story short me and my ex had a little drawn out break up. I tried to make things work for a month after she first broke up with me. She said she needed to be alone a month later. I kept calling her and she agreed to, up until about a week ago she asked for me to take a step back. I agreed and didn’t message her and her birthday went by within those days. I still didn’t message her. She saw me downtown that night and cried to me and vented and was mad that I didn’t wish her a happy birthday. She asked to apologize and meet up in person the night after. That night we only talked super formally and only about how we’re looking forward to healing.
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?
submitted by Everydayuser3 to Advice [link] [comments]


2024.05.15 09:47 Everydayuser3 I’m afraid my ex doesn’t know that I want her back

Me and my ex are currently doing no contact. She knows how much I love her as I already write her a very heartfelt letter saying so. We’ve talked about how we can’t see each other with other people and how much we love each other even after the breakup. Yet long story short me and my ex had a little drawn out break up. I tried to make things work for a month after she first broke up with me. She said she needed to be alone a month later. I kept calling her and she agreed to, up until about a week ago she asked for me to take a step back. I agreed and didn’t message her and her birthday went by within those days. I still didn’t message her. She saw me downtown that night and cried to me and vented and was mad that I didn’t wish her a happy birthday. She asked to apologize and meet up in person the night after. That night we only talked super formally and only about how we’re looking forward to healing.
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?
submitted by Everydayuser3 to AskMenRelationships [link] [comments]


2024.05.15 09:41 LizzyBeeBaby I cut off my family but i miss them and dont know if i should reconcile

TW: brief mentions of depression, suicidal ideation, and attempted suicide
When I (28F) was growing up, I was the golden child of the family. I didn't know it back then. Up until I was in high school I had a younger sister and an older half sister I only saw a few times a year. It wasn't like I never got in trouble or got yelled at, in fact I have a very vivid and hurtful memory where I was called a liar by my parents when I was being 100% truthful (they just didn't want to hear it and wanted someone to be mad at I guess), and then I was told to just "suck it up and get over it". But compared to my younger sister, who was compared to me in every way, I always had the perfect grades, perfect attitude, perfect behavior, etc. Our parents, especially our mother, who was the main parent taking care of us during the week, pretty much pitted us against each other constantly. My little sister was being told she needed to be more like me, and I was told my sister was a bad kid. I would try to help her stay out of trouble as a kid and would get mad when she didn't listen to me because i didnt understand she was just being herself and didn't need to be exactly like me. Up until college, I didn't understand that my sister didn't need to change, she needed her parents to love her as she was and help her instead of trying to mold her into some ideal of perfection. We were picked apart constantly about every little thing we did, and I was expected to always somehow know everything even if I'd never learned it before. My house was full of constant yelling due to the extremely high expectations and my mother's terrible temper, and it became a very stressful place to be starting when i was around 10. We went through a lot of financial hardships as well since I was very young, so I dont want to dismiss how hard things were for my parents and how much they went through. But I have always been hyper aware of how much it costs for me to exist as my mom stressed so many times over the years that she couldn't afford to buy even a new shirt because she had to buy stuff for us, as if that was at all our fault.
When i was in high school, my baby brother was born. He pretty much instantly became the new golden child, not only because he was the youngest and the only boy, but because it became clear at a very young age how intelligent he is. I was a straight A honors kid and he was blowing me out of the water since he learned to read. I didn't mind at all because 1) I was going to be going to college in a couple years, and 2) with our age difference, he was as much my son as my brother, and I took on a very loving parental role with him of my own volition. I also saw the promise in him and I wanted him to live a happy life. My little sister and him are very close to this day, at least to my knowledge. During this time they were still coming down really hard on my little sister, treating her as well as they always had - meaning they still yelled at her constantly and were overly critical of her and everything she even thought about doing. They talked about sending her to military school more than once, and pretty much resigned themselves to the idea my sister would never be able to live on her own before she even got to high school, let alone graduated.
Flash forward to when I was in college, I started coming home and noticing things about how my parents treated my sister, and for the first time I saw it for how terrible it was for her. The distance and time I spent away from the house helped my little sister and I completely change our relationship by my second or third year. What really solidified it was a series of events that happened my junior and senior years of college.
My sister moved to our town with her husband with their 2 very young boys, and we soon found out she was pregnant with twins. That is kind of where it all began to fall apart. Time showed not only that her husband is a massive pos, but also potentially abusive, although we never got concrete proof. As my sister's pregnancy progressed and they struggled to get on their feet, my parents started watching my nephews for hours at a time, sometimes the whole day. And if my parents had to babysit out of nowhere and put their lives on hold, me and my younger siblings were expected to do the same. No toys, no books, no games - nothing. Essentially, the entire house was expected to babysit in a way that i have been told wasn't normal. Even my little brother was expected to take on this role in caring for kids who were only a couple years younger than him. I spent my entire childhood taking care of my little sister and then my baby brother, and I hated seeing how they were doing the same to him when me and my little sister were at the age where it shouldve been left up to us. I started really butting heads with my parents as the situation progressed because they started yelling at my baby brother when the boys would even bump their heads even though it wasnt his fault. He never mistreated them, hit them, pushed them , or anything, so my parents justified it by saying he wasn't being a "good uncle" by "letting them" bump their heads on the tv stand, for example. He was expected to let them play with all of his toys, and my mom tried letting the boys use things that were very important to my brother, which would've ended up with the boys taking those things home. Saying it that way makes it sound a lot more mild that it was, but I'm trying to save time and not give out too many personal details. I guess you could say in short, my parents began expecting my elementary school age brother to give up his time, his space, his toys, his gifts - anything that meant anything to him, to help care for children when he was still a child not much older than them. I ended up giving my baby brother my room to not only keep his stuff in, but to sleep in.
In the end, my sister had the twins and then moved back to her home state about 6 months later. We think her no good husband lied to her about us and she cut contact with all of us, and we haven't heard from her since. In our house, the damage was done. I had long conversations with my little sister when our parents weren't around about how she needed to get out because of how they were treating her, and how I would eventually graduate and move to a city where I could find a job. But neither of us wanted to leave our little brother in that house because we were worried how they would treat him when we both left. Our parents had already proven they would throw any of us to the side at any second, even their golden child baby boy, and blame even him for anything that went wrong. Our parents have a history of spilling all our business at any holiday meal and badmouthing any little mistake. They would talk shit about us in front of us and shame us in front of family our entire lives, and if my sister and i weren't there to take the brunt of it, how long until they turned on my baby brother. Would they even wait until he wasn't "perfect" anymore?
Throughout all of this, I was struggling a lot in college, and starting around junior year i became very depressed and suicidal, which resulted in a major attempt in my 5th year of college, which to this day i don't like talking about. Before that, however, I went to my mom about feeling depressed and told her i thought i needed to talk to someone. She brushed me off. I was dumb enough to think that maybe she thought i was exaggerating, so i tried a second time to ask her for help about a year later, and she brushed me off again. Part of me blames her almost entirely for my attempts, because i came to her before any of them because i knew thats where it was headed if i didnt get help. All she had to do was make a couple phone calls to find me someone to talk to and she couldn't even do that for me. I was a scared girl who needed her mom's help because i didnt know who to turn to, and she turned her back on me. After my final attempt, I pulled myself up and got help, but my financial aid ran out and I was unable to return to school and finish my degree, so I went back to my parents house and was absolutely miserable for the next 6 months. I felt like a failure, like I wasn't "perfect" like i was supposed to be. I felt suffocated every single day and like the only ones who wanted me there were my siblings. One day I tried a little experiment and sat in the living room with my mom for the entire day and she didn't say one single word to me, didnt even acknowledge my existence. Ever since the stuff with my nephews happened, I had doubled my efforts to protect my siblings and take the brunt of my mom's anger, so I pushed back a lot when they tried to get onto my siblings for ridiculous things. I ended up ghosting my friends for 3 months because I was so depressed, and it really scared them. It was then I knew i had to get out of that house or it would kill me, so I moved into my grandparents' house a town over.
Things at my grandparents' house started okay, and i was even able to confide in them what had been going on at my parents' house, which in the end turned out to be a big mistake. I got a job working overnight at a retail store and met the guy who is now my boyfriend of 3 years. Unfortunately, the longer i spent at my grandparents' house the more i saw where my mom got it from, and they ended up treating me just as bad as what was going on at my parents' house. The only difference was that my sister wasn't there so i was taking the brunt of all of it. When things started getting tough for them after my grandpa retired, instead of sitting down with me like an adult and asking if it would contribute financially, my grandpa cornered me in the car when he was driving me back from work and guilted money out of me with a sob story. And guilted me at the dinner table the second time when they needed more money. One time i walked in the house after work and before i had even taken my shoes off or put my purse down to get my wallet out, he blocked the door to my room with his hand out like a loan shark to give him the money. I payed for all my own expenses, took short showers and kept as many lights off as i could, and told them not to buy me anything, even food. And in the end, even though they guilted me for money, then more money, and promised they wouldnt kick me out, they sold the house out from under me when they knew i was still trying to save for an apartment with what little money i had left a month. I ended up having to live with my best friend and her husband or i wouldve been homeless. I still helped them move even when they f-ed me over. And even after all that, I still went to holidays and visited my parents from time to time.
The last time i saw my grandparents they ran into me and my best friend in a store. My grandpa saw me first (he and my grandma were in different parts of the store), and starting yelling at me for pretty much cutting them off since i hadn't been to see them for months, and then when he started realizing he looked like the bad guy tried to make the reason i stopped talking to them about politics (i live in a conservative area) as if that would justify it. When my friend and i were trying to grab one last thing before we left because i was humiliated and trying not to cry, my grandma cornered me at the deli counter, had me pinned between the counter and a cart so i couldn't leave, and started yelling at me too. I was so broken back then, but i tried to tell both of them i would talk to them but not in the store. They just wanted to scream so we left. I haven't spoken to them since and have no plans to.
Eventually i moved 2 hours away back to the city i had went to college in. During that time, my grandparents drove the 3 hours to try to find where i lived, and then called trying to get me to come downstairs. I was asleep for work at the time but it made me feel so uncomfortable that they would do that. And after living there a year and my bf and i commuting to visit each other every other week, it came to the point where if i wanted our relationship to continue i had to move back. This is not something he ever brought up to me, this was a decision I came to on my own. So two years ago I moved back to the area I grew up in. We live an hour away from my hometown and 30 minutes away from the town i met my boyfriend in. And although he has family in both areas that we visit, I haven't seen or really talked to my parents or siblings since i initially moved out of the area.
A year ago, after a year of silence from me and from my parents, I dropped a box off at my parents' house when they weren't home with souvenirs i got them on vacation when i first moved back, short letters to each of them about the gifts, and a long video letter on a flash drive explaining everything I felt because i knew i couldn't go on without being honest and i knew if i tried to have a conversation in person, they wouldn't listen to me. I told them i wanted to keep them in my life but i couldn't ignore everything that had happened and the ways they treated me and my younger siblings. I told them i had no interest in continuing a relationship with my grandparents and that anything they have told them probably wasnt true. I sent them scans of my diaries as "proof" that i wasn't lying because that's the kind of house i grew up in - if you couldnt prove it, it didnt happen. I laid myself completely bare so that i could heal, knowing the whole time they may never want to speak to me again. I gave them pictures of me and my boyfriend and my new phone number anyway. The only thing i didn't give them was my address because we live on his family's land and his family, knowing a bit about my family and also about my grandparents essentially stalking me, don't want anyone from my family nosing around on the property. I don't want that either so i agreed not to give it out. The people in my life who knew about the box and the letter turned video letter were supportive of the idea given all i had been through, and I thought dropping it off would be the end of things.
Since then, I have healed from everything that has happened. I'm still angry and sad and i feel like I'm grieving every day, but I'm not the spineless, scared girl i used to be. My boyfriend has helped me become a better person in so many ways. But i still miss my family, especially my dad. I feel like he didnt deserve what i've done for reasons i cant go into, because the reality is he depends a lot on what my mom tells him because he works, and he trusts her deeply. I feel like in some regards he depended too much on her word, although he isnt completely innocent. There's obviously a lot more to my story that what I have here or else I'd be writing an autobiography, but just know if this all sounds like it isn't a big deal, I have so many stories and so much more detail that isn't safe to give out here.
The reality is my parents and i pushed each other away until we all became strangers long before everything blew up. I felt like a stranger from the time i left for college. I was made to feel like if i wasn't at home, i was a second thought, and a lot of very serious issues happened while i was away that i didnt find out about until i came home. My last year of college i was physically starving and could only afford to eat one meal a day if that. When i had left for school at the beginning of that school year my mother made it clear i had to figure it all out myself because they had no money to give me, but then i came home for Christmas and everyone but me had all new electronics. I cried asking for money to buy my uniform to start my campus job but they bought all new computers and tablets. And that stung.
Last Christmas, my parents and siblings messaged me. It was the first time I had heard from them since before i dropped off the box. It was just a Merry Christmas, but it absolutely shocked me. And then they all messaged again on my birthday. Same thing, just little pleasantries, but it makes me feel like maybe that door isn't closed. However, I have absolutely no idea if we can move forward, if they want to, or even if its a good idea to try. I have struggled a lot since college about whether or not all of this and everything I wasn't able to share here is or is not a big deal. I've had people close to me listen to my whole story and call it emotional neglect and abuse, but I just don't know. I feel crazy most of the time, and I'm afraid I'm exaggerating or making it up for attention or something, which also doesn't make sense. I struggle a lot in my day to day. I am ruled by the emotions of those around me and i cower like a kicked puppy when people around me are upset, even if its not my fault. I get ashamed when i make a mistake or i'm not "perfect", and if my feelings are valid I have no idea if it would be a good idea to get back in touch. But i think about if/when my boyfriend and i get married, and how i have no family to sit on my side. It sometimes feels like it's my fault because i wasn't strong enough to just shut up and deal with it anymore. At this point I dont know what is the right answer, what's going to finally give me peace. For now, I just keep moving forward trying to build a better life with my boyfriend and hope all the pieces will fall into place later.
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