TLDR: Dated for 1.5 years with on-and-off patterns due to age gap and lack of respect. Broke up multiple times, reconciled briefly, but ultimately parted ways. Tried to be friends, but it didn't work out. Experienced gaslighting, decided on no contact, but still struggling with feelings and memories due to frequent encounters.
My ex and I were together for about 1.5 years. We had an age gap of 15 years, 25M and 40F. This caused it's fair share of uncertainty in the relationship, mostly on her end and it resulted in us being on and off for about 3 weeks at the beginning of the relationship until we stayed together. This should've been my first clue to gtfo, but love is blind.
Along the way we continued being on and off. We had a big fight in Valentine's Day, broke up but basically got back together that same day. I then broke up with her later that summer because the relationship was just too painful and I didn't feel respected, she later admitted that she did not in fact respect me and had taken me for granted.
I saw someone else for a few months but it didn't work out and ended getting back with my ex. We lasted about another 4 months, until valentines day came around and broke up after having pretty much the exact same fight. At this point in the post I'd like to invite you to find all the patterns 🙃.
We had no contact for about 2 months until I reached out hoping to make amends, only because of the close proximity. I just didn't want to deal with any tension or bad blood, especially because I see her child outside often and can feel that he too was hurting from this. That worked for about 3 weeks until we got in an argument about money she owed me. The rest of the summer was very messy. I was very anxious and VERY depressed. It was awful. She eventually reached out to me to apologize for the things she had done and we tried once more to be friends. This lasted until the new year.
I stopped hearing from her on the first of the new year, and after 1.5 weeks reached out to ask if everything was okay, she insisted it was, that she was just busy and that it was all in my head. She then doubled down by referring me to a podcast about overthinking and how to prevent it. Then I didn't hear from her again.
Throughout the course of our relationship, when we were split up I tried to remain friends, because though we didn't work as a couple we still enjoyed spending time together and hanging out. I guess I was just prolonging the inevitable. A mistake you hear about from others and condemn, but when the situation falls in your lap.. well, giving advice is easier than taking it, right?
I was dead set on NC. I was angry, to be quite honest. It was the first time she had gaslighted me, and I was tired of her antics. I was doing really well, dieting and working out almost 5 days a week. Then, another text in reference to work she was being done at my apartment. She reached out with an article and hoped everything was well.
A week or two passed and I felt the urge to write back, with the weather getting nicer it was beginning to remind me of the mental state I was in last summer and I didn't want to go back there. I basically said exactly that to her, and included that I didn't know what I was hoping for as a reply, but that I just didn't want to deal with more tension this summer. She denied the fact that there was tension (there is), updated me that her and her child are doing really well and hoped that I'm also doing well, including that she'll always care about me always wanted me to be happy.
I've been in anguish since. Part of me is hurting, anticipating seeing her with someone else. Not that I don't want her to move on, but seeing that will suck. The other part of me I guess is mourning the companionship. Because we were always on and off I feel as though I never really moved through the stages of grief and really moved on from the relationship. With that being said, I DO NOT want to go back to her, it was such an awfully toxic relationship that really hurt my mental health. It's just hard to forget and move forward when you see them every day.
Not too sure what I'm hoping to get from this post, maybe guidance.

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/relationships/s/wDwUW70eeC
I wanted to give you guys an update of how the therapy session with my wife went this week. Not sure if this is helpful or not but I took many of the responses/comments/suggestions from my initial post and put together some things I wanted to discuss with our couples therapist to help us navigate some of the core issues that may be affecting this situation.
One of the main things that is the "buzz word" of this has been the term "resentment" and it has been really eating me up inside knowing my wife keeps telling me she doesn't know why she's resentful or doesn't know why this is affecting her emotionally/mentally. I brought this up with our therapist once again and resurfaced the conversation about being married for so long (15yrs) and being together since we ere 14yrs old. Our long history of growing up and how having children when she was 19yrs old (me 20) significantly changed the trajectory of our lives. We experience sever poverty and many hardships in the process and we essentially had zero social life for the past 10 years because we were so busy raising babies (2 kids now ages 12 &14). She followed up with tons of questions directly mostly at my wife about her feelings towards this and 90% of the responses were very "our kids" focused. It definitely felt like she was afraid of saying "yes it sucked" because she would feel guilt or shame because it would imply she regrets the kids. I mentioned this in the session and the therapist encouraged her to look at this outside of the lens of being a mother and to try to view it a bit more selfishly and individually and it was very eye opening. My wife mentioned that she was very frustrated with the fact that we did miss out on many things in life. She also was very clear in saying "I do not think I missed out on other partners or dating or partying but I certainly lost all my friends." This was huge because one of the big pieces that has caused a strain in our lives is how silo'd and isolated we've been (again busy raising kids). I followed up by reminding her that it's important to have good friends and to make time for herself and her friendships.
For the past 3+ years, we've had multiple conversations about friends and how it is important to have them in life. Specially when you have similar peers that can help in many areas of life that perhaps we have no experience navigating and even simply for enjoyment. It has always been something my wife avoids, even though she's always been someone who needs that external stimuli. The main reason for her not investing in friends or even herself has always been "the kids." Like I mentioned earlier in this post, 90% of the answers have to relate to "the kids" to some degree.
At this point in our session I started to feel like there was a common denominator (the kids) in most of the frustrations and problems she was experiencing. So I simply asked her "Do you think you may be upset at me because I'm responsible for these kids in the sense that I got you pregnant so young?" I wasn't ready but she said that she was upset at me for that. She also followed up with the fact that she knows that's unreasonable because it "takes 2 to tango." I did feel like it was progress because it kind of gave us something to work on and help alleviate some of these "burdens" so we agreed to invest more time in nurturing good friendships both together and individually.
Towards the end of the session, we began to discuss what actionable items we would take from this session. At this point, it was still all very ambiguous and blurry as to what the outcomes were. I was very direct and very forward in asking my wife what her plan is moving forward. (NOTE: I had decided prior to the session that should my wife say the same thing about being a coparenting roommate that I would take the 180 approach and essentially do me) She started basically saying the same thing, that she doesn't have any desire to be intimate or sexual with me as of now and that she loves me immensely and she feels bad for not being there for me (as mentioned in my first post).
I also brought up the brief swinging that happened, to which for the 50th time said it wasn't a problem. I agree with her on this. This was something that was a "mechanical" approach for a solution to a problem that was very much in existent when we tried this. We (both) really have no issue to this. We know it happened, we tried it and mutually stopped and turned the page.
I also brought up other life events that may cause resentment and really we ended up not getting anywhere else as far as the root for resentment which was discouraging.
I then basically expressed to my wife that I will not be ok with that arrangement. I told her that I've really done everything I can and that this issue really has reached a point where it has nothing to do with me or require me to do anything that I'm currently not doing. I was very direct and saying that I will not be accepting this dynamic and that I need to be with someone who is actively involved in our marriage, works towards resolutions and is very much interested in maintaining an active intimacy and sexual relationship. I expressed how I am not going to be a "convenience" and that there was more to life than being roommates and coparents. I made sure she knows I love her dearly and that I do want this to work for the better. I also told her that I'm fully committed to this marriage so long as she is as well and that is she wasn't, its ok, however I will not be a part of something where these efforts are not reciprocated. I told her I have no plans of leaving, and I do not want a divorce, however, I made it clear that if this dynamic continues that divorce will be the only outcome.
Of course tears were involved and it was a very bleak and sad ending to the session. Still nothing was said and I walked out very discouraged and very determined to start working on the 180 as soon as we left the room. It's painful and very difficult because much of the 180 requires you to be very short and cold and transactional. The saddest part is realizing, this dynamic already is very cold and transactional.
Here is where it gets VERY interesting. I started working on implementing many of the 180 recommendations that same day. I mentioned to my wife that, "hey, things are going to be a bit different moving forward. I'm going to honor her roommate/coparent dynamic without reproach and that it should be no mistake that I am not happy here and I am never going to be ok with it but I am done working on it if she wasn't going to work on it." She agreed and went to bed. I started to build distance and started to basically focus on myself. Very short and transactional. She asked for help on some of her personal things to which I declined and it really shocked her. She was upset saying I was being petulant. I explained to her that, she is now fully in charge of her own life and her own issues. We didn't talk all day and we only spoke when necessary. Few days I keep this going and she's very visibly upset and stressed. I typically react to that with gestures of help or nurturing but I didn't this time. That night she was crying telling me she's stressed and she things something is wrong with me because I'm "indifferent." I simply listened, then I told her that this is the dynamic she proposed and that I'm simply (much like her) taking care of myself and focusing on myself. I'm not going to lie, it has been VERY hard to be cold and distant because as I mentioned before, I love her and I wish I could hold her and love on her. However, I know this is somewhat manipulative in a way just to get her way and still keep me in the friendzone. So I've been staying the course.
We're now going on a week of this 180 and let just say, there has been MANY changes on her side. I think she is starting to realize there is more to me than just "friends and coparenting." I sent her a text a few days ago essentially itemizing bills and separating the financial responsibilities 50/50 and SHE LOST HER SHIT. She basically told me it was "out of left field" to which I responded "hey, friends go in 50/50 and as your friend I expect nothing less." This was very eye opening because it gave me a glimpse of I'm really taken for granted and how her level of comfort and convenience at my expense is really overlooked. I pushed through anyways and basically told her that this is the new dynamic she asked for and that its still a "bargain" because she would have to be 100% if she was on her own.
I'll wrap up with this. While the 180 has been working in many different areas, I am still very much sad about the overall situation. There have been MANY eye opening statements being said and realization that have not been pleasant to encounter. It has also sparked new energy and new efforts on her side as well. She's definitely seeking to talk to me more often and while its hard to turn down, I hope if things improve, this continues to happen. I've also noticed that she's making more time for herself aside from being a mom which is HUGE because she pretty much neglected herself for years. I'm very pleased seeing her be more herself. My hope is that as we work on ourselves, the marriage improves. There really is no telling at this point where this will go. We are very much cordial and amicable even to this day and that's a very good sign. Boundaries are set and expectations are very clear and I feel that no matter the outcome, I will be at peace with everything that has been done. We're still going to continue the couples therapist until we either rekindle our marriage or end up in divorce. I feel like having this nonbiased third party really helps as a witness and as a guide through this. No matter what I will always love my wife, however, I will not participate in a sexless, intimacy less marriage because we both deserve better.
Thank you all for all the kind words and recommendations and feedback. This will be my last post on this topic and I wish you all the best.
TL;DR: My wife friend-zoned me wants to just coparent at my expense but I started the 180 method to try and find a solution because she doesn't want to work on us which seems to be working on getting her out of her rut and helping me discover more about how she feels. Also, therapy is paramount and highly recommend to all couples.

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Age: 32
Sex: Female
Height: 5 ' 3
Weight: 160
Race: White
Duration of complaint: 1 week currently (but on and off for several months)
Location: Head
Any existing relevant medical issues: just got over an iron deficiency
Current medications: Escitalopram 20 mg
I got over an iron deficiency recently (iron levels back to normal ranges) and I'd been getting some headaches that I thought were just part of the symptoms. I saw my GP for a follow up and mentioned the headaches but she didnt seem too concerned.
Last I Friday took an edible to relax. Shortly after, I got a throbbing headache on the right side of my head that lasted all weekend--on Sunday, I woke up and the right side of my head felt numb, so I went to the ER. They took a CT scan but didn't find anything, so they gave me some IV meds and sent me home. But my head still feels strange. I keep waking up in the middle of the night with it pulsing. I'm afraid that there's something else happening. I literally never got headaches before the iron deficiency, although migraines run in my family. Should I ask my GP for a neurologist referral?

Hi.. first time creating a such a reddit post and reaching out - normally writing these things in journals but never spilling my gutts out to the internet for everyone to see. If abuse triggers you please do not read.
I'm (F) 21, and have been going through a lot from a young age - good and bad.
At 13, I was diagnosed with clinical depression and severe social anxiety two years on. This derived from some family trauma. I found out my father was cheating on my Mum through a series of inappropriate text messages between him and a student of his at the time - and I had to break the news to her (all I knew at the time was mum deserves to know the truth, even if it hurts).
I recieved a lot of physical abuse from my Dad, when he found out I told her and this was really the beginning of the end for school. Given, I was going to an all girls private school at the time, I went from being part of the "popular kids", to the outcast within a year. when I found out student counsellors and students had ended up gossiping about my situation around tea, this made me feel deeply ashamed and embarrassed to even turn up at school.
I remember on the days when I did, walking into class would be trully uncomfortable - it would go from chatter in the class and as soon as I entered the room, you could hear a pin drop. I remember sitting in IT class, and zoning out from the fact that I was physically and mentally abused that morning, to having my teacher yell at me for not paying enough attention. This was when I stormed out of class and never came back.
There were so many days I had to walk home with my heavy backpack in terrible weather because mum was just trying to keep her job and pay the bills and my father wasn't in the picture for three months at a time because he would be cheating and travelling with this other bitch of a woman (which I later found out through an SD card that I had found bundled under some papers in his room). He'd lie saying he's going to a "work conference" when in reality, he was busy trying to please a woman 30 years younger than him, who eventually left him back to Bangladesh, taking all of the money he gave her. It wasn't all his money mind you. He took $25,000 in life savings of mine AND well over $80,000 in my mothers shared account.. which I hadn't found out until 3 years later - this also included money I had worked hard for. She was a total scam artist and my stupid father fell into her scheming trap. I was so confused at the beginning - I remember crying and wondering why this was happening to me.. mum doesn't deserve this.. I was lost. I remember roaming the streets alone at night some days never coming back until the early hours of the morning. Wishing my life was different. Wishing I could run away. Wishing this was only a nightmare I'd eventually awake from.
I'd never know when he would turn up. He turned up one day to come and drop me off at school and on that day, I had dressed up but him being in the picture again sickened me to the point I dropped my bag and went back to my room. He then stormed towards my room, slammed open the door, picked me up by my neck and dragged me to the front door all the while telling me "you worthless child, you're going to hell for making me late, you bitch" - mind you.. it was still 8am in the morning. He never needed to be anywhere in the past which also lead to me finding out that the reason he was so angry was because I was making him late for picking up that bitches child and dropping him off at child care.
It got to the point were child services got into the picture. I remember the lady coming every Wednesday to check in to see if I was okay. This lead to mum losing days off work because she would have to stay home to make sure I was okay, otherwise I'd be sent off to foster care. She nearly lost her job because of being reported so many times by some racist and nasty bullies at work for tiny things.
I never liked the system. I never liked how they focussed on the victims more than dealing with the perpetrator that caused all the pain and trauma. It was all too much for me. I had fo grow up too soon and there were many times people much older than me would tell me "you're mature for your age".
Trauma. It always stays with you.. you carry it to your grave and it impacts all areas of your life - from relationships to work. I have fears of losing loved ones to this day which is ironic because, i'm actually alone. I no longer have friends like I once used to. I mask my emotions at work and at get-togethers. Even though I tell the truth about my emotions, I always end it with "but I'm okay though! Don't worry!"
I never really feel like I belong. I feel misunderstood. People in my past used to tell me they never would have known what was going on in my life if I didn't say because I am always so happy, and kind, trying to make everyone feel included and belong - it's in my nature to be that kind person.. but.. it also has it's downsides when people start taking advantage of it.. sigh* that's another story.. I'm just trying to come to terms with my past and move on. But sometimes things happen in life which make it bubble back to the surface. I'm trying my best. That's all I know.
I often feel like a burden. My family is overseas and I'm not really close to my half siblings (although we say happy-birthday or merry Christmas with the odd "how's it going", it's normally surface talk). I feel homesick from time to time when I miss my cousins and family overseas which I haven't seen since I was 14.
I often feel like I do not belong. I never understood alcohol or cigarettes and would often be left out because I didn't do those things - I did once.. in highschool a few years on through peer pressure, but it wasn't me. So I cut that phase pretty quickly.
The only place were I felt loved through these times were when I had my loving 9yo dog who passed away 3 days from now last year (who had to be put down in my arms because he also had incurable cancer of the spleen) . He was my world. Still is. He would be with me when times were extremely tough and no one was there.. he was my support. And now he's gone, I often feel totally alone.. talking to my walls because I don't want to put pressure on my mother who constantly complains of bills and finances. Not only a few months after my dog passed, we found out that my father is also sick with an incurable Cancer and the Doctors noted he only has 4 to 6 years to live. Yes.. although he was the cause of much of the trauma in my life, I cannot change the fact that he is my Father and it's difficult for me to comprehend the fact that he could be dead in three years.. I'm only 21.. it's just.. a lot to think about and a lot that has happened in a small space of time. I also have my own medical issues currently. Given I've been trying to manage my kidney pain for months now. I found out today that it will take a few months to recover which is good news. But ths pain is still very much there - it can get exhausting balancing two jobs and study with physical and mental pain honestly.. not to mention, I've exhausted my boyfriend of two years with my issues.. and I feel absolutely terrible for putting so much pressure on him from reaching out.. last night I had a terrible breakdown and since then over call he just told me "I'm exhausted".. I just.. I know he loves me.. but my negativity is all too much for him and I no longer want to reach out to him given he also has things he's dealing with.
Again, I have no friends.. so I didn't really know where to go for this. I do have a remote psychologist but I only have an hour to talk with her and time was up before it even got to resolving my current issues. I had to fill in the gaps of my trauma and what prompts my sadness and stress.. which is another thing I find frustrating.. there's just too much to say and not enough time.
There are so many gaps in what I've written.. so many things left unsaid.. but my story could cover too many pages for anyone read in a small amount of time. My life is pretty chaotic right now. I'm just trying to hold on to hope but it's hard sometimes. There are so many of us struggling out there I just wish we could come together and fight this you know.. anyway.. thank you for reading.

Tarot Reader since 2017 who has fully mastered in depth readings to bring true insight to the energies and circumstances you are dealing with, with the use of Oracle and Astrology as well. Shaneka's Services And Contact Linktree
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I injured my arm lifting heavy weights at the gym, I went to the hospital in taormina, I suspect a broken bone or torn muscle or ligament. At hospital I got xr on elbow, they didn't worry to xray the rest of the arm. Then they asked for an MRI, that has to be done in other place and take ages to make an appointment and get the results.
Now I'm thinking why the Dr didn't xray the whole arm in the first place and why he didn't ask for an MRI of the whole arm.
I am starting to believe that I will need several weeks to get a diagnosis and then scheduled for surgery.
Anyone can recommend me how to deal with this?
I researched and tendons need surgery straight away after rupture, I saw other post on reddit of people having surgery 3 days after going to hospital. I don't want to end up disabled for life.
In the hospital they only put me a cast

I want to go through the home buyers’ program but I’m not sure if I can do it. I need to give a back story first. My grandma owned 2 homes in our hometown (she lived in one of the homes), an apt building, and part of a vacation time share in Florida. My grandmother put my dad (her son) in the other home so he wouldn’t have to pay rent (the white house). But he was responsible for paying taxes and the upkeep of the home. But unfortunately, he could never pay the taxes on time and spent his money poorly. So, She took care of it when necessary. I think that’s why she always kept the house in her name because she knew he would lose it. Now I’ve always known my dad to be a drunk and he had a gambling addiction too. He was a violent drunk and abusive to my mom. which he denies to this day and swears nothing ever happened but I remember things. You would think he would want to fix his life when I came into the picture. Me being his oldest child and first born at age 31. But no! my sister came 3 years later. My grandma died when I was 8 years old from the injuries of a car accident in 2000. She left a will and was also given a $100,000 settlement from the trucker who hit her. she left the (white house) to my dad. And her home she left to my dad, my sister and I. we all own a third with me and my sister being Co-owner. my dad stayed living in the white house and rented out my grandma’s home after her passing. He ended up losing the white house for not making payments and moved into my grandmother’s homes. Now that my sister (29) and I (31) are adults we want to sell the home. it is old and run down but still livable. my dad lives in the home but can’t keep up with it. he has never been good with money. And now that he is older and his health has declined it is not safe for him to stay in the home. But he will not leave. He has fallen a couple times and needs to be in a senior living apartment. It is hard on me and my sister because we live about two hours away so when something happens, we can’t get to him fast enough. My dad is the only child and acts like it. He thinks we owe him something. But he wasn’t really around growing up and always left us with broken promises. sometimes blamed us for things we had no control over as minors that had to do with my mother leaving him. Mentally it feels like I’m talking to a child when I talk to him. We have had offers on the home, people have come out and looked and gave us offers. He wasn’t okay with moving and had a complete tantrum about it in front of the realtor. Looking like a 5-year-old that wasn’t getting his way. But we had to explain to him that when he is gone, he is leaving us with debt because of him not making payments. Not to mention he always pay the taxes late to where he has to get liens on the home or payment plans. my sister has paid the taxes a couple times while living with him in her early 20s. but he's not getting my money I work hard for while he drinks and gamble his away. there was A lot we didn’t understand, and he wasn’t telling the truth, so we had to call and find out for ourselves. He wanted to get a $200,000 home repair loan for the house but can't do it without me and my sister's signature as well. I told him no! you're not putting me in debt. you will get that money and not use it for the house or pay it back! My dad is a selfish person and never thought about his kids. one minute its "this is all of our house" and when he's mad and doesn't get his way, then its "this is my house! mama left this house to me!". but we have the will we know what it says. He played stepdaddy to his wife and her kids before doing for us. And they treated him like shit including the wife. They married in 2008 have been separated since 2014 but she is still around when that check comes and driving his car because he can’t drive anymore. He had the nerve to tell me and my sister he wanted us to pay for his divorce. Not happening! He didn’t even think of us when he got the settlement from my grandma death. I don’t have any kids but if I did and something like that happens to me, I’m putting that money in an account for my kids to accumulate over the years that way by time they are adults they have some type of leeway to get by. But that money was probably gone the same year my grandma died. And when we bring it up my dad acts like there was never any money but my mom made sure she got all the paperwork for us as proof later down the line. Now my dad is living off social security. And still drinking. Which is more of a reason he needs to move. One minute he is ready to move and when it’s time to find places then he back tracks. It’s frustrating. He is a drunk, will spend his check on liquor and do the bare minimum with bills. Then expect his kids to pick up the slack like his mom did. you had enough time to get it together. I have my own problems and my own bills. You live in a way better area then your kids and still want to take from us while we are out surviving learning as we go. I work for everything I have. I’ve never expected anyone to do for me that I can’t do for myself.
Now I want to go through with the first-time home buyers’ program. But I’m not sure if I can do anything with that house in my name. and he knows this but doesn’t care. He won’t sell the house. I mean he is out voted 2 v 1 but I don’t have the money to take him to court to make him leave. Us selling the house can really help all 3 of us out. I’m doing ok for myself I live within my means, and I save. But in this economy what does that really mean. That money would really help, and my sister has four kids. That money could really help her too. I just don’t know what to do. I just want him to think about his daughters, shit his grandkids as well. I guess its too late. We are just trying to survive that’s it.

Im writing not necessarily because of me but for my bf. My bf and I have been together for almost a year and my "MIL" has consistently been manipulative and abusive to her son and my bf. My bf works 5/7 days a week, has his own car and a 3.6 GPA. He is very responsible and mature for someone of his age. His mother grew up in a nice house with a nice family and ruined her life at 15. Dropped out of HS and moved to FL to do drugs. She got pregnant with my bf at 19 with a shitbag. They went through problems with custody for 5 years until my 8 year old bf told the judge he wanted to switch houses every week. They did that until he was 13 and he basically cut his father off because he is awful. His mother believes she is so much better than his father because she went back to school and got a degree (in accounting). This is all background knowledge though. At the begining of our relationship I really wanted to be on good terms with her because I have had abusive MIL before and im not saying we have a bad relationship (mind you i dont see her too much) but its mainly about what she does to my bf. He wants to be the best man possible so he will try to be but she demands wayyyy too much and is extremely emotionally immature. She has done multiple things to ruin our days together. She will always call when we are out and demand we come and do something with her even if my bf told her that we had plans that day. She ruined our easter by demanding we come see her and grounded him over our 6 months. But that's not the worst. They get into arguments and she is extremely abusive with her language saying stuff about "Im never letting you see your gf again" "your just like your dad" whenever she feels her argument isnt logical. She will hit him but if he pushes her off she tells the whole family hes abusive. Its very upsetting for my bf. He just wants her to be proud of him. He has a car and she will demand that he drive 30 min there and back to pick his brother up from day care and not pay him a dime. She doesnt pay for anything for him anymore anyway beside his car insurance. She expects flowers after arguments and cries when something doesnt go her way. She believes that my bf should do everything for her and that he somehow owes her and continually ruins our plans (almost everytime). I try to tell him to push back and not just argue but he doesnt understand. There is no moments where she has been flat out rude to me but she still likes to talk bad about me to my bf. I know none of this is extreme like some peoples but its really undermining our relationship. I just want my bf to be comfortable in his own house

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/Marriage/s/RoN5GKUZQC
I wanted to give you guys an update of how the therapy session with my wife went this week. Not sure if this is helpful or not but I took many of the responses/comments/suggestions from my initial post and put together some things I wanted to discuss with our couples therapist to help us navigate some of the core issues that may be affecting this situation.
One of the main things that is the "buzz word" of this has been the term "resentment" and it has been really eating me up inside knowing my wife keeps telling me she doesn't know why she's resentful or doesn't know why this is affecting her emotionally/mentally. I brought this up with our therapist once again and resurfaced the conversation about being married for so long (15yrs) and being together since we ere 14yrs old. Our long history of growing up and how having children when she was 19yrs old (me 20) significantly changed the trajectory of our lives. We experience sever poverty and many hardships in the process and we essentially had zero social life for the past 10 years because we were so busy raising babies (2 kids now ages 12 &14). She followed up with tons of questions directly mostly at my wife about her feelings towards this and 90% of the responses were very "our kids" focused. It definitely felt like she was afraid of saying "yes it sucked" because she would feel guilt or shame because it would imply she regrets the kids. I mentioned this in the session and the therapist encouraged her to look at this outside of the lens of being a mother and to try to view it a bit more selfishly and individually and it was very eye opening. My wife mentioned that she was very frustrated with the fact that we did miss out on many things in life. She also was very clear in saying "I do not think I missed out on other partners or dating or partying but I certainly lost all my friends." This was huge because one of the big pieces that has caused a strain in our lives is how silo'd and isolated we've been (again busy raising kids). I followed up by reminding her that it's important to have good friends and to make time for herself and her friendships.
For the past 3+ years, we've had multiple conversations about friends and how it is important to have them in life. Specially when you have similar peers that can help in many areas of life that perhaps we have no experience navigating and even simply for enjoyment. It has always been something my wife avoids, even though she's always been someone who needs that external stimuli. The main reason for her not investing in friends or even herself has always been "the kids." Like I mentioned earlier in this post, 90% of the answers have to relate to "the kids" to some degree.
At this point in our session I started to feel like there was a common denominator (the kids) in most of the frustrations and problems she was experiencing. So I simply asked her "Do you think you may be upset at me because I'm responsible for these kids in the sense that I got you pregnant so young?" I wasn't ready but she said that she was upset at me for that. She also followed up with the fact that she knows that's unreasonable because it "takes 2 to tango." I did feel like it was progress because it kind of gave us something to work on and help alleviate some of these "burdens" so we agreed to invest more time in nurturing good friendships both together and individually.
Towards the end of the session, we began to discuss what actionable items we would take from this session. At this point, it was still all very ambiguous and blurry as to what the outcomes were. I was very direct and very forward in asking my wife what her plan is moving forward. (NOTE: I had decided prior to the session that should my wife say the same thing about being a coparenting roommate that I would take the 180 approach and essentially do me) She started basically saying the same thing, that she doesn't have any desire to be intimate or sexual with me as of now and that she loves me immensely and she feels bad for not being there for me (as mentioned in my first post).
I also brought up the brief swinging that happened, to which for the 50th time said it wasn't a problem. I agree with her on this. This was something that was a "mechanical" approach for a solution to a problem that was very much in existent when we tried this. We (both) really have no issue to this. We know it happened, we tried it and mutually stopped and turned the page.
I also brought up other life events that may cause resentment and really we ended up not getting anywhere else as far as the root for resentment which was discouraging.
I then basically expressed to my wife that I will not be ok with that arrangement. I told her that I've really done everything I can and that this issue really has reached a point where it has nothing to do with me or require me to do anything that I'm currently not doing. I was very direct and saying that I will not be accepting this dynamic and that I need to be with someone who is actively involved in our marriage, works towards resolutions and is very much interested in maintaining an active intimacy and sexual relationship. I expressed how I am not going to be a "convenience" and that there was more to life than being roommates and coparents. I made sure she knows I love her dearly and that I do want this to work for the better. I also told her that I'm fully committed to this marriage so long as she is as well and that is she wasn't, its ok, however I will not be a part of something where these efforts are not reciprocated. I told her I have no plans of leaving, and I do not want a divorce, however, I made it clear that if this dynamic continues that divorce will be the only outcome.
Of course tears were involved and it was a very bleak and sad ending to the session. Still nothing was said and I walked out very discouraged and very determined to start working on the 180 as soon as we left the room. It's painful and very difficult because much of the 180 requires you to be very short and cold and transactional. The saddest part is realizing, this dynamic already is very cold and transactional.
Here is where it gets VERY interesting. I started working on implementing many of the 180 recommendations that same day. I mentioned to my wife that, "hey, things are going to be a bit different moving forward. I'm going to honor her roommate/coparent dynamic without reproach and that it should be no mistake that I am not happy here and I am never going to be ok with it but I am done working on it if she wasn't going to work on it." She agreed and went to bed. I started to build distance and started to basically focus on myself. Very short and transactional. She asked for help on some of her personal things to which I declined and it really shocked her. She was upset saying I was being petulant. I explained to her that, she is now fully in charge of her own life and her own issues. We didn't talk all day and we only spoke when necessary. Few days I keep this going and she's very visibly upset and stressed. I typically react to that with gestures of help or nurturing but I didn't this time. That night she was crying telling me she's stressed and she things something is wrong with me because I'm "indifferent." I simply listened, then I told her that this is the dynamic she proposed and that I'm simply (much like her) taking care of myself and focusing on myself. I'm not going to lie, it has been VERY hard to be cold and distant because as I mentioned before, I love her and I wish I could hold her and love on her. However, I know this is somewhat manipulative in a way just to get her way and still keep me in the friendzone. So I've been staying the course.
We're now going on a week of this 180 and let just say, there has been MANY changes on her side. I think she is starting to realize there is more to me than just "friends and coparenting." I sent her a text a few days ago essentially itemizing bills and separating the financial responsibilities 50/50 and SHE LOST HER SHIT. She basically told me it was "out of left field" to which I responded "hey, friends go in 50/50 and as your friend I expect nothing less." This was very eye opening because it gave me a glimpse of I'm really taken for granted and how her level of comfort and convenience at my expense is really overlooked. I pushed through anyways and basically told her that this is the new dynamic she asked for and that its still a "bargain" because she would have to be 100% if she was on her own.
I'll wrap up with this. While the 180 has been working in many different areas, I am still very much sad about the overall situation. There have been MANY eye opening statements being said and realization that have not been pleasant to encounter. It has also sparked new energy and new efforts on her side as well. She's definitely seeking to talk to me more often and while its hard to turn down, I hope if things improve, this continues to happen. I've also noticed that she's making more time for herself aside from being a mom which is HUGE because she pretty much neglected herself for years. I'm very pleased seeing her be more herself. My hope is that as we work on ourselves, the marriage improves. There really is no telling at this point where this will go. We are very much cordial and amicable even to this day and that's a very good sign. Boundaries are set and expectations are very clear and I feel that no matter the outcome, I will be at peace with everything that has been done. We're still going to continue the couples therapist until we either rekindle our marriage or end up in divorce. I feel like having this nonbiased third party really helps as a witness and as a guide through this. No matter what I will always love my wife, however, I will not participate in a sexless, intimacy less marriage because we both deserve better.
Thank you all for all the kind words and recommendations and feedback. This will be my last post on this topic and I wish you all the best.
TL;DR: My wife friend-zoned me wants to just coparent at my expense but I started the 180 method to try and find a solution because she doesn't want to work on us which seems to be working on getting her out of her rut and helping me discover more about how she feels. Also, therapy is paramount and highly recommend to all couples.

My daughter is 3.5 and is a highly sensitive person. It appears to be genetic from my husbands grand mother. My husband is HSP as well and so is one of his brothers and a bunch of nieces and nephews. From what I’ve noticed, my daughter has it the most severe. Loud sounds and environments terrified her since a baby. We’ve raised her with the “gentle parenting” approach. She does not do well when you don’t talk to her kindly. She’s super observant and hyper-vigilant and is super in tune to people’s feelings and expressions. I love her so so much.
She is getting to the age where she makes friends and friends are able to exile her from being friends with her. My daughter’s highs are extremely high and I can see that off putting to kids her age. She had a best friend that no longer wants to play with her. When I dropped her off at preschool I saw the friend avoiding her and my daughter crying cause she didn’t want me to leave. Her teacher told me they would get into frequent fights that result in her friend yelling at her (they’re only 3?).
I found out my daughter told her friend she can only have one best friend (her). She gets jealous seeing her friend play with others cause she clings onto the one friend. It breaks my heart to see my daughter go through this. Anytime we meet someone new she needs a long time to acclimate before she’s comfortable, so she appears extremely shy. Once she’s comfortable she gets extremely hypeexcited and comfortable.
Any advice is appreciated on how I can better raise her. How can I talk to my daughter about this? Should I let it be so she can learn on her own? She doesn’t like to talk about her feelings to me and this is all observed by me.

I was given a very old piggy bank that had a few coins in, after opening it, I've found a number of coins of varying condition and age.
There are Queen Victoria 3 pence, Edward VII, George V (and VI) and Elizabeth I coins (mostly 6p and 3p with a couple of half pennys)
Do I have anything of value or just interesting?
I have no interest in selling, but I now have a massive curiosity itch that needs to be scratched.
Any help.would be greatly appreciated, I'll be able to grab pictures if anyone is interested :)

The digital landscape of today is changing quickly, and education is at a critical crossroads. Education plays a critical role in educating students for the future as technology continues to transform businesses and redefine the skills necessary for success.
The Changing Nature of Work
The Fourth Industrial Revolution has significantly changed the nature of work across industries by bringing in previously unheard-of advances in automation, artificial intelligence, and digitization. Future employment will progressively require digital knowledge along with flexibility and adaptation. Students need to have a broad skill set that extends beyond standard academic knowledge in order to succeed in this environment.
The Role of EdTech in Future Proofing Education
Digital Literacy: From an early age, EdTech platforms provide interactive tools and resources that foster the development of digital literacy abilities. Students can gain expertise in utilizing technology to solve complicated challenges and navigate digital environments by using tools such as multimedia creation software and coding apps.
Critical Thinking and Problem-Solving: EdTech promotes a practical learning style that develops students' capacity for critical thought and problem-solving. Students get practical experience in information analysis, solution evaluation, and innovation through interactive simulations, virtual labs, and group projects.
Personalized Learning: In the age of personalized learning, a one-size-fits-all approach to education is no longer adequate. To guarantee that no student is left behind, EdTech platforms use adaptive algorithms and data analytics to customize lessons to each student's particular learning needs, pace, and preferences.
Global cooperation: By removing obstacles based on geography and bringing students together with peers from all over the world, EdTech promotes global cooperation and cross-cultural exchange. Students acquire exposure to a variety of viewpoints and cultivate cross-cultural communication skills through virtual classes, online forums, and group projects.
Career Readiness: EdTech gives students the abilities and know-how that employers in the contemporary workforce require. Students can obtain industry-relevant skills and credentials through online courses, immersive simulations, or certification programs, which improves their employability and career prospects.
Implementing EdTech Solutions in Education

1. Infrastructure and Access: Ensuring all students, regardless of socioeconomic background, have equitable access to technology and dependable internet connectivity.
   
2. Professional development is the process of giving teachers the tools and guidance they need to successfully incorporate EdTech into their lesson plans and instructional strategies.
   
3. Data security and privacy: Protecting student information and rights to privacy by adhering to pertinent rules and implementing strong cybersecurity measures.
   

It is more important than ever to future-proof education as we approach the start of a digital revolution. EdTech has the potential to revolutionize education by giving students the abilities, information, and mindset necessary to succeed in a society that is more reliant on technology. By adopting cutting-edge technologies and rethinking traditional approaches to education, we can make sure that every student is prepared to confidently and competently negotiate the challenges of the future.
https://www.reddit.com/usetalentserve/

future #futureofLearning #Education

So May 14th was my birthday and I was treating myself to celebrate. I first went to get a massage (this is my second time visiting this therapist). After the massage, I asked her if she knew about any estheticians. She provided me with a recommendation of a woman she went to school with.
She then just completely randomly started to talk about how this esthetician had fertility issues and then suddenly at the age of 42, she discovered she was pregnant with twins. Then at 43 she had a son and now has 3 kids. I was polite but in my head I’m like “…who fucking cares??” It was completely random and off topic. Like why are you telling me about this woman’s fertility? I couldn’t care less!
Then, later in the evening I went to see a movie called ‘Abigail’ that I really enjoyed (I love horror movies). But it was so odd because a couple and child walked in to the row in front of me. The child had to be like 8 at the VERY most!! And this movie is very violent, I’m sure rated R. WHY and how was she allowed into this movie?! And of course she wouldn’t shut the hell up and was squirming everywhere. What the fuck is wrong with people? The whole family just gave me very trashy vibes.
Otherwise I did enjoy my day but these are just some things I noticed and wanted to rant about here.

Heyo! I’m sure some of you have seen me on this sub. Lifelong insomniac (currently aged 45)
Like it says I always struggle. I’m heavily medicated but that doesn’t work all of the time. Mostly my issue lately is meds knock me out but I’m awake at 2-3am and up.
Well Saturday I drank too much (recovering alcoholic and had a “slip”) and passed out. I woke up at 2am and couldn’t sleep more. Then Sunday night I got 3 hours (trusting my Fitbit) and Monday night I didn’t sleep for a moment.
Last night I was scared of the same of course. I was watching tv, relaxing and took my meds. I slept 11 hours last night (hooray!).
So glad I slept but I swear I’m more tired today! I’m sure you guys can relate!
Happy sleeping :)

2010
10: scott pilgrim vs the world
9: the social network
8: toy story 3
7: how to train your dragon
6: inception
5: true grit
4: megamind
3: four lions
2: black swan
1: the town
2011
10: super 8
9: rise of the planet of the apes
8: rango
7: the adventures of tintin
6: moneyball
5: melancholia
4: drive
3: the girl with the dragon tattoo
2: hugo
1: the tree of life
2012
10: moonrise kingdom
9: ted
8: cloud atlas
7: seven psychopaths
6: silver linings playbook
5: wreck it ralph
4: skyfall
3: django unchained
2: lincoln
1: dredd
2013
10: the lords of salem
9: prisoners
8: the conjuring
7: pacific rim
6: the wolf of wall street
5: inside llewyn davis
4: dallas buyer's club
3: gravity
2: 12 years a slave
1: the gangster squad
2014
10: foxcatcher
9: fury
8: nightcrawler
7: guardians of the galaxy
6: boyhood
5: the lego movie
4: birdman or the unexpected virtue of ignorance
3: gone girl
2: the grand budapest hotel
1: whiplash
2015
10: the hateful eight
9: the big short
8: avengers age of ultron
7: kingsman the secret service
6: sicario
5: ex machina
4: inside out
3: the revenant
2: mad max fury road
1: the martian
2016
10: doctor strange
9: zootopia
8: moonlight
7: rogue one a star wars story
6: captain america civil war
5: silence
4: deadpool
3: kubo and the two strings
2: hell or high water
1: shin godzilla

Picked up my Overtrail+ last night and wanted to give some thoughts to quell some of the negativity on this page. Understand that this opinion is coming from a 40 yo/m that lives in Colorado, works in a high-end office district but spends every weekend skiing, fly fishing, hunting, hiking, camping. My prior history has been with Jeep Grand Cherokee both a 2018 Summit and then 2023 Summit High Altitude V8 with every option ($80k MSRP paid $73k). I’m 6’1 and larger frame. I am not interested in BMW/MB/RR etc due to my lifestyle. The GX OT+ is much more aggressive that it looks in pics and the road presence is somewhat dominating. Similar look to a Bronco on 33’s with the fenders and stance.
Purchased from Greenwood Village Lexus with no prior purchase history, on the list June 2023. Scott Mendlesohn is the new sales manager and is great to work with. Sounds like they have a list of approx. 70 per trim. All sold at MSRP with no ADM and in order of getting on the list no games. I was in the top 10 and one of 3 on the list for OT. Slee Off Road got the first OT and then I got the second which was OT+. Incognito with black roof, interesting point he shared was you cannot order black roofs right now on anything but Earth. They are going to do limited production runs of each color with roof. First order could be any color but now it will only be Earth that gets a black roof for a bit.
Base MSRP for Overtrail+ is $75,900. Options added were Bi-Color paint, Traffic Jam Assist $620 (I didn’t want but was correct about slow downs this morning on the highway), HUD $900, digital key $375, Mark Levinson $1,140, Cool Box $170 (preferred without but all are being delivered with it), alloy wheel locks and rubber cargo mat, +destination. All were requested items by me other than the digital key, traffic jam, cool box, and alloy locks. I paid $81,250 which is MSRP as optioned, no mark up (some in this forum believe Options are a mark up and do not understand MSRP option pricing), and dealer did not pressure PPF, tint, nitrogen, extended warranty etc.. I declined all. Pricing is inline with my prior top of the Jeep Grand Cherokee L and I much prefer the GX. Looked at Tahoe, Yukon, Land Cruiser, various pickup’s all in the same price range and slightly higher. I believe that if you intend to off road this is the clear choice.
- Interior: does not have as much leather and stitching as the JGC nor does it have the upgraded headliner which I loved. I do prefer the GX interior as it is very nice and modern, I’m not as worried about it with weekend activities and dirt. Interior is very similar to what you get in similar priced pickups from GMC, Chevy, Ram. You would not be able to tell a difference between the NuLux and the Jeeps Nappa leather, will see how it ages/wear and tear. The ML sound system is ok, I have high end home stereo as well as upgraded systems in past vehicles with speakers like Focal. The McIntosh on the Jeep was probably a hair better, I’ll play with settings but I was not blown away, its fine for a car stereo and better with bass heavy songs and vocals, not much mid. Vehicle is tall and side steps are great, wider than the JGC which were useless. The windows all around feel very large and you can see everything! I have seen complaints about the hood moving, I noticed it much more on my Jeep. In my limited driving I was paying very close attention to it and wouldn't have noticed if people hadn't said anything on this forum. The Jeep I noticed immediately on my own.
- Tech: the JGC had a passenger side screen which was useless, night vision which again was useless, and a rear-view mirror camera which made me dizzy (I don’t think the GX has one). The massage seats on the GX are 100% better than they were on the Jeep, the touch screen is very responsive and intuitive, the HUD is better on the GX as you can move it up and down, make it brighter (one note on the HUD is if you lean more towards the center of the vehicle you will start to lose vision of it bc it is meant to be seen from straight on). The HUD also does much more than the JGC which only did speed/speed limit. Still playing with it but it’s a great addition. Surround cameras are clear and backup functions warnings are A+. The screen is bright and clear, easy to navigate. Not sure what tech I'm missing but it has everything and more than the Jeep.
- Ride: The JGC has air suspension, and this felt equally as comfortable on my commute and highway. Noticed the same bumps and nothing more significant. As responsive if not more than the Jeep, both in steering and power vs the Hemi V8. I was worried about it being sluggish like a 4runner or old GX but it was very quick for its size. You sit higher up and more upright, but these are both things I prefer. The dealer took off the $1500 roof rack since I didn’t want it so I can only comment on road noise as is and it was not noticeable at highway speeds. Tires are also quiet for being so big.
- Complaints: being nit picky and knowing that this is all this page cares about. My complaints are as follows. Side mirrors are tall but they are a little too narrow. Front seat width (knee to knee) is sufficient but slightly narrow but I am a bigger guy. We do not have kids but the 2nd row could be considered small for full size adults on road trips, my wife dog and I won’t have a reason to complain. Ambient lighting is hard to notice compared to the brightness and use in the JGC. Will try and add as I drive more but overall thrilled with the vehicle.

Looking to preferably trade (or sell) some OOP books I have for some OOP books I'm looking for. Here are the books I have to trade:

• Batman: the Golden Age Omnibus Vol 9 (TENT)
• Wolverine Omnibus Vol 1 - First Printing ($145)
• Inferno Omnibus ($145)
• Secret Warriors Omnibus - Original Printing ($70)
• Secret Warriors Omnibus - New Printing ($52)
• Uncanny X-Men Omnibus Vol 5 ($52)
• Sins of Sinister ($40)
• 100 Bullets Omnibus Vol 2 ($40)
• X-Factor Epic Collection Vol 1: Genesis and Apocalypse ($20)

Note: Only selling 1 of the 2 Secret Warriors Omnibus
For pricing I took the average of the last few eBy sold listings (excluding shipping) and took 20-25% off that. Shipping from Canada is costly so please add ~$15-20 for shipping to USA. Feel free to make me an offer.
Refer to the linked pictures for the condition of any books or feel free to ask for additional clarifying pictures.
Pictures: https://imgur.com/a/WIy2p91
Books I am interested in:
Image OHCs

Kill or be Killed Deluxe
Fade Out Deluxe
Fatale Deluxe Edition Vol 1
Fatale Deluxe Edition Vol 2
Criminal Deluxe Edition Vol 3
The Complete Phonogram
Marvel OHCs
Daredevil Vol 1 (Kevin Smith) OHC
X Lives of Wolverine and X Deaths of Wolverine OHC
Marvel Omnibus
All-New Wolverine Omnibus
X-Men Legacy Legion Omnibus
X-Statix Omnibus
Fantastic Four By Waid & Wieringo Omnibus (Low Priority)
Uncanny X-Force Omnibus (Low Priority)
DC Omnibus
Sleeper Omnibus
Batman by Paul Dini Omnibus
DC OHCs
Superman - Kryptonite: The Deluxe Edition
Man and Superman: The Deluxe Edition
Batman: A Death in the Family - The Deluxe Edition

Hello everyone! I've been slowing gathering the products I need to really flesh out my skin cycling routine and get it going. Still a bit new to proper skincare, so any insight is helpful!
I've been told I need to add a toner to my routine by the woman who does my laser hair removal. She has really good advice but wasn't able to give me a clear product direction. I have combination skin with oily T zone & oily cheeks but normal on all other parts of my face. I have large sebaceous filaments on my cheeks and nose which is sort of my problem child as they get clogged really easily and produce a lot of oil. I'm not prone to acne or pimples, unless the random ones during menstruation.
My concerns are limiting the oil production and look of sebaceous filaments, aging/general longterm skin care
Do you add a toner to your skin cycling? If so, where? Have you had any success?
AM:

1. The Ordinary Squalane Cleanser
2. Clinique Dramatically Different Moisturizing Gel
3. Sunscreen

PM Day 1 - Exfoliate

1. The Ordinary Squalane Cleanser
2. BHA Blackhead Power Liquid
3. Clinique Dramatically Different Moisturizing Gel

PM Day 2 - Retinol

1. The Ordinary Squalane Cleanser
2. Tretinoin Rx (just got prescription for this so gonna start it soon!)
3. Clinique Dramatically Different Moisturizing Gel

PM Day 3 - Recovery

1. The Ordinary Squalane Cleanse
2. Clinique Dramatically Different Moisturizing Gel

Any suggestions to my routine is welcome - thank you.

i really am experiencing a quarter life crisis, nakakapanliit knowing my relatives put me up for the highest standards and yet i fail in every single one of them? Read this article online wherein almost same kami ng scenario. student, nanliliit kasi wala pang nasisimulan sa career, feeling nya need nya magwork to kickstart his/her career. Di naman siya minamadali, same kami nahihiya and nalalakihan na sa gastos studying in greenschool def isnt cheap. Gusto na kumita para man lang makabawas sa gastusin makatulong na rin siguro. The author also mentioned he/she didnt need to work just to survive coz he/she was well provided by his/her parents. Naiiyak na rin siya gabi gabi kasi wala siyang pera. Hindi ko nga alam kung may nanunuod ba sakin kasi parang same na same kami ng pinagdadaanan ngayon. Tumatak sakin nung sinabe nya na “nakakaliit po talaga ng pagkatao itong season na to. This age feels so early to hurry, but too old to not waste time.” And it perfectly described how I was also feeling. bakit ganon sobrang labo ng nakikita kong future pero sigurado ako sa sarili ko at sa kakayanan ko na kaya ko mag succeed sa buhay? Di ko man alam pano pero parang masasabi ko naman na confident enough ako na magagawan ko talaga siya ng paraan?
For context I only took general subject nung first year ko just because and I failed 3 major subjects already and Idk parang nag ggo with the flow na lang ako na sayang eh andito na ituloy na lang. hindi kami mayaman, kaya lang din and sakto yung kinikita ng nanay ko para mapagaral nila ko sa school na to pero tangina men sobrang nawawalan na ko ng focus and gana or ewan ko baka tamad lang ako tapos nagdadahilan lang ako
but i just feel really really lost now and i feel like things are just not going my way. Idagdag mo pa yung fact na wala man lang akong malapitan sa school? I mean yes part of it is college should teach you how to be independent but i think i have my fair share of being independent naman na since i grew up alone as an only child? May mga friends ako may mga kilala ako pero alamo yung you just know them but you really cant connect with them? yan, ganyan na ganyan yung naramdaman ko sa school ko now. Parang ang gaganda naman ng mga sinasabi nila sa greenschool na yon pero parang hindi ko makita at mahagilap saan ko makikita yung mga yon. Dont get me wrong im trying to socialize and be out othere its just not going my way. I dont know i just feel like im 30ft below and that im barely surviving college and that i cant see the light at the end of the tunnel and i sound so ungrateful and that i probably should look on tbe brighter side but ewan pagod na ko, ulit ulit na lang 5 sem na yung nagdaan. Di ko man lang maenjoy enjoy yung school na to. Its too much its making me insane and its really draining me the fuck out i just wanna be out this phase alr!!!

Hello everyone. I have joined about a year ago my current employer. Just trying to have some opinions on my current status as I would like to negotiate it. Thank you.
1. PERSONALIA

• Age: 29
• Education: Bachelor
• Work experience : 4,5
• Civil status: Legal cohabitant
• Dependent people/children: 0

2. EMPLOYER PROFILE

• SectoIndustry: IT Consultancy
• Amount of employees: >1000
• Multinational? Yes

3. CONTRACT & CONDITIONS

• Current job title: Java developer
• Seniority: 1 year (as of now)
• Official hours/week : 40
• Average real hours/week incl. overtime: 40
• Shiftwork or 9 to 5 (flexible?): 9 to 5 but very flexible
• On-call duty: No
• Vacation days/year: 20+12

4. SALARY

• Gross salary/month: 3300
• Net salary/month: 2230 (incl netto comp)
• Netto compensation: 145
• Mobility budget/cabike/...: Car + fuel card (Belgium)
• 13th month (full? partial?): Full
• Meal vouchers: 8/Day
• Ecocheques: 250/Year
• Group insurance: 4% employer
• Other insurances: Health insurance
• Other benefits (bonuses, stocks options, ... ): Laptop, phone + subscription, discounts for various things (electro, activities etc)

5. MOBILITY

• City/region of work: Brussels
• Distance home-work: 20min
• How do you commute? Car
• Telework days/week: no policies enforced at client. Usually 4/week telework.

6. OTHER

• How easily can you plan a day off: Easy
• Is your job stressful? Usually low stress
• Responsible for personnel (reports): None