The song is called “hold on, let go” it’s not the song “hold on” with Ariana grande, it was leaked under his pseudonym “Larry fisherman” and the only place I could find it was SoundCloud. Now it’s nowhere to be found. Here are the lyrics. I believe it’s been pulled from all platforms for some reason, I NEED to find it again
She go skiin' in the summer Maxin' out her credit card just to slow dance to the thunder Her picnic's by the reservoir And her dad's old beat up station wagon Get in and drive away She lived in fear, we disappear to our secret hidin' place, yeah
★ Pre-Chorus 1 ★ I thought I saw her smile this afternoon By the water, lyin' naked As the wind began to whisper her the truth
★ Chorus ★ Hold on Let go
★ Verse 2 ★ She wakes up, wakes up Opens up her eyes that covers up the lies She hides behind her makeup Give up, she wants to give up It's all too heavy on her mind, gettin' high, too many lines Completely numb
★ Pre-Chorus 2 ★ Fake a smile for this photograph I'ma count to three, please smile for this photograph, girl I just wanna hang a picture on the wall Fake a smile for this photograph I'ma count to three, please smile for this photograph, girl I just wanna hang a picture on the wall

Im sorry for making this post longer than it needs to be.
I (22M) and my gf (24F) have been together for 3 years.
As context I was viciously abused by my mother for the majority of my childhood. I was the result of an affair and her husband divorced her because of me. My bio dad was gangbanger and went to jail when I was 6. The momemt he went to jail my mom started taking her frustrations about her failed marriage and miserable living situation out on me. I was an afterthought and a punching while my older sister was her "true baby." If my sister got bad grades, it was okay. If I got bad grades I was beaten until I started having seizures. If I started crying my mom would lock me outside. We lived in Chicago and sometimes she would lock me outside during the middle of winter. I tried telling people about the abuse but I was always framed as a liar and in our community my mom had a prestine image, so in their eyes she could do no wrong.
In my mothers words i was " a sorry ass bitch that no mother would want."
If it wasnt for my sister I would probably be dead by now. She would sneak her jackets out of the house when my mom locked me out, snuck food into our room when my mom refused to let me eat and would bring me icepacks and let me cry in her arms after my mom was done beating me. I am and will forever be grateful for her. To this day I consider her to be my actual mother.
A few months after I turned 18, I ran away to Indiana. Besides keeping in contact with my sister and a few friends, to everyone else I just disappeared from the face of the earth. It was tough. I had a few distant relatives there and they would let me occasionally crash on their couch but for the most part, I was homeless. Eventually I did land a job at a grocery store and with a bit of financial help from my sister, I was able to rent a small apartment.
I met my now ex gf while working at that grocery store. I was about to turn 19 and she was 20. After working a few shifts together we eventually started casually seing each other which eventually grew into a full on relationship.
I never really opened up her about after my last gf left me after I drunkenly opened up to her. I just lied enough to explain my constant nightmares, occasional seizures and why I would cringe hearing a latina womans accent. I just wanted to forget that part of my life.
Two years into dating each other we moved in together. I eventually got a better job working at a call center.
Around the same time me and my sister started loosing contact. Besides occasionally checking up on each other and wishing each other happy birthday, we didn't text each other. Last I heard from her, she had a new bf.
All that changed recently. My sister randomly texted me saying she wanted to come visit me in Indy. At this point I havent seen her in 3 and a half years so I obviously said yes.
I told my gf that my sister and her bf were coming to crash at our place for a few days. This was their first time meeting each other so I was kinda nervous.
She arrived at our place while my gf was home and I was at work. I spent the next few days catching up and me scoping out her bf(I have always been a bit protective of her. Even tried beating up the boys she brought over when I was 10 lol.)
I did see a weird change in my gf around the same time. It felt like she was walking on egg shells around me. I did bring it up to her but she would just tell that it was nothing and I was imagining things.
The day after my gf and her bf left, me my gf and a few of our friends went out clubbing. I remeber her friends giving me a werid look throughout the night. I didn't drink much but my gf was nearly blackout drunk. I decided to call it a night and get an uber home since my gf could barely stand anymore.
I literally had to drag her out of the club. While everyone was waiting outside for their uber to arrive my gf started throwing a fit about leaving so soon (it was 2am.) She started calling me a pussy and some shit about how I was just probably insecure about some guys hitting on her or something like that. Neither do I remember seeing any guys hitting on her nor do I really give a shit since I trusted her enough to simply reject them. I knew she was drunk and kept my cool until she said something on the lines of "No wonder your mom used to beat you." Everyone just fell silent and stared at her. She then clearly told me "dont worry. You sister told me everything you fucking pussy." At this point her friends tried to shut her up and started pleading with her to „do it at home“ whatever that’s supposed to mean.
I was beyond fuming. I just took out my phone and followed the car icon on the uber app. I wanted to stop myself from doing something that I might regret later. She kept on going on about how im a pussy for letting a woman overpower me or something. After that I just blocked out whatever other bs came out of her mouth.
The uber ride home was silent. I didn't even respond to the small talk the driver tried to start with me. All I could think about was what my gf said earlier. I didn't even notice her starting to sob next to me. When we walked into the apartment she started full on crying and begged me for forgiveness. She said wasn’t thinking straight and she didn't mean what she said etc. I just told her to shut the fuck up and to go to bed I tried sleeping on the couch. I coudnt.
I decided to end things with her a few hours later. She was completely passed out on our bed so I just started packing my things and loaded whatever I could into my car.
Im currently staying at a friends place and shes been trying to reach me nonstop.
Im not mad at my sister for telling my gf since she didn't mean any harm and probably just wanted to tell her what I went through. Im purely mad at my gf.
Thats not something you say to someone you love.
My ex was always insistent on me opening up to her more and her reaction to hearing what I went through just pisses me off. Seriously why do some women want their SO to open up about their emotions/past if they know they’re only going to shame them for it?
A part of me believes that she meant what she said but the other part of me believes that she was just drunk and I was overreacting and should give her a chance to explain herself but Idk.
Her friends have also been texting me that im an AH for leaving even though I knew she was drunk and that my gf has been trying to apologise to me.
Am I going too far?
Should I give her a second chance?
Am I actually the asshole here?
Im overwhelmed by everything happening and just need some advice.
A part of me doesn't want to start over again. Ive done that enough in my life.
She is the second girl ive dated that has had a negative reaction to the things I went through so I believe I should take a bit off the blame here as well and should have told my sister to keep her mouth shut regarding my past.
This will probably be the last time I let anyone else hear my story.

I have a real life adult corporate job and need to be start acting like it instead of Gayloring on the clock, but I cannot stop thinking about this topic.

Foundations Of "The Man You Script" Theory:

My theory is that the manuscript is actually referring to “the man you script.” To me, this means the storylines that Taylor writes in her songs are (at least sometimes) driven exclusively by fans’ theories and delulu fantasies. It’s the man (men) they script that she writes about. One thing about Taylor is, she gives the people what they want.
I think sometimes the songs about the man the fans script are pure parody songs, and other times they are meant to lead Swifties to believe it’s about some random man Taylor has been linked with, when it’s obvious to Gaylors that it is gay.
There are so many examples of this in her discography, and IMO even more instances have occurred in recent years:

• London Boy: We (the public) knew almost nothing about Joe. In parallel to that, this is the most generic song Taylor could have ever written. It touches on the 2 Joe hints we get: he lives in London and he has a normal life and friends, (“pub/rugby with his school friends”). The rest of the song is lyrical vomit about the most touristy London attractions she could think of. It is the definition of camp and I am obsessed with how brilliant she is for trolling this hard.
• ATW 10 MV: The original All Too Well was relatively vague, but Taylor all but confirmed it was “about” Jake G when she released the 10 minute version. With mentions of him being older, dating younger girls, and famously missing her birthday. We knew about the missed birthday because of the moment I knew. More on ATW later.
• Is It Over Now?: Taylor mentions the literal only two known incidents with her and Harry Styles in this song: the snowmobile accident and the “blue dress on a boat” fiasco. One would think there would be other things they did together that were worth mentioning if the relationship was real, but she chose to call out two media-covered stories. Curious.
• So High School: I feel like Gen Z twitter wrote down bullet points of what they assumed Travlor’s relationship was like and sent it to Taylor before she wrote this. This song is chock full of “public knowledge” about the couple and as a bonus, dripping with sarcasm (lol). She went the extra mile in this one by adding in things that the public doesn’t necessarily know, but that they could infer stereotypical Travvy would love: American Pie and GTA. Oh, and knowing how to "ball" and opening her car door. ("Isn't that sweet?")
• The Alchemy: I don’t have the energy to list all of the stupid football references in this song. But the “Marry, kiss or kill me?” line and corresponding interview that went viral is so on the nose that it’s impossible she’s serious about this track.
• thanK you aIMee: On the fence on who this is even about, but I know it’s not Kim Kardashian. Taylor doesn’t have the energy to write a song about Kim, but she’s fine with Kim getting the credit for being the muse. (Queen behavior IMO)

You could argue that more songs on TTPD fit this category, for sure. Maybe Midnights, too. (If you can think of any others please leave them in the comments!)

How Does This Tie In With “The Man You Script?”

So much of TTPD, in my Gaylor opinion, is designed to set the foundation for Taylor to take part in revisionist history, start to call out her fans/weed out her homophobic fans, and be more “real” in general. TTPD is a departure (!! department) from anything we’ve ever heard from Taylor in a lot of ways. To me, it is the least Taylor Swift™ album we’ve ever heard from her. (Folklore and evermore are exceptions to this, but up until TTPD, the Swifties thought they were fictional.)
As the Manuscript goes:

Now and then she rereads the man you script Of the entire torrid affair They compared their licenses He said, "I'm not a donor but I'd give you my heart if you needed it" She rolled her eyes and said "You're a professional" He said, "No, just a good samaritan" He said that if the sex was half as good as the conversation was Soon they'd be pushin' strollers But soon it was over

Starting with “They compared their licenses," it reads like a movie script. It is also kinda jolting: they’re joking about their drivers’ licenses with this rom-com esque dialogue, and then all of a sudden it’s onto sex and strollers. And then it just ends. Does this not sound like the absurd and parasocial Swiftie narrative? A storybook beginning, 0-100 in 2 seconds (brand new, full throttle) and talk of babies. Then it goes down in flames. It’s an entertaining story (“are you not entertained?”), and sometimes Taylor looks back on it, on how all this began. I think it’s entirely possible Jake G was the first beard of Taylor’s, personally. And looking backwards is the only way to move forward. I think the first verse is about her first beard.

And the years passed Like scenes of a show The Professor said to write what you know Lookin' backwards Might be the only way to move forward Then the actors Were hitting their marks And the slow dance Was alight with the sparks And the tears fell In synchronicity with the score And at last She knew what the agony had been for

This verse references all the beards that followed. Taylor here validates my theory that her relationships are scripted. The professor (possibly her team?) says to write what YOU (the fan) knows. (The man YOU script; write what YOU know) They tell Taylor to write about the things the public thinks they know about you to protect her private life. Or at least disguise the muse as someone who fits in those parameters.
And, the fans loved it. It made her a gigantic, massive success. A superstar. It strengthened the parasocial relationships that contribute to her success. She was able to keep her private life private and put out stories that the fans crafted themselves (with some help from Tree).
But it isn’t her truth:

The only thing that's left is the man you script One last souvenir from my trip to your shores Now and then I reread the man you script But the story isn't mine anymore

She used to take fan theories and assumptions and own them as her story and truth. The story is not hers anymore, and she is giving it back to the fans because it was their narrative all along.
I think she is saying she isn’t going to do this anymore after TTPD; No more songs like the ones I mentioned to feed the narrative. (On TTPD, I think she trolled the concept) Exile is expiring.

my ,F16 (first) prom was saturday(this year was the one i planned to be big since i know ill be busy with collage and work next year), my dad booked a concert for his birthday sunday(mothers day) months ago, which my mom agreed to and my grandmother is dying of cancer. she started a now over 12 hr long argument with us for having fun, with her we thought, instead of catering to her all day. my dad had to take me prom dress shopping (she said she was sick even though she was fine until we were supposed to be leaving), he had to take me to get my hair styled and i had to beg her to get our nails done and she still told me how miserable she was the whole time during that, but i was supposed to cater to her? i do all the housework anyway and help my dad cook, i specifically dealt with the laundry and dishes at the rental we were at so she wouldnt have to. also she left the concert so she coulsnt get back in so we all had to leave because of her tantrum only halfway thoug ( i also got clay to make her a gift when i had the chance bc i dont have any money but ive been so busy ive barely gotten 6hrs of sleep a night) AITA?

I am a 36 f mom of a preschooler. I live in an affluent small town. To be honest at my age I would say I am a younger mother compared to the other moms. Most are in their 40s. I also have a baby face and at the moment I am in the best shape of my life. I also have build some nice curves with my work outs. Recently at a few of my son's class birthday parties I have made major eye contact with a few dads.
The first dad I ever noticed was at a birthday party at a dance studio. All the moms watching were on one side of a wall and I went to the opposite wall to be closer to my son . I saw the dad sit next to me and smile over to me when his little daughter came over to him. I was admiring them, but I felt like I had to keep acknowledging this dad. Like him and I were having a silent conversation. Found the dad at the end of a hallway where he stares at me from the other end. He just had full view of me the whole time and I could still feel his eyes. He ended up playing with a ballon with my son. He then was giving his little daughter extra kisses and cuddles when I was again in their presence.
At a most recent party I noticed the same staring and eye contact with another dad I had never meet before. I was standing behind him and I would see his blue eyes staring back and give me a smile. My son ended up next to his daughter during cake and he was being so playful with his daughter that she looked a little annoyed with him and then he again looks back at me and smiles.
I am not sure if I am just reading into this or what this all means? Do these dads want to be my friend or not having very good poker faces? Do other moms ever encounter this kind of strong body language around other dads?

Okay so kinda weird family dynamics going on here. Every year my grandma keeps tabs on who called her for mother day mind you she has to have like 34+ kids, grand kids and great great grand kids.
I personally never grew up that close to her, and we didn’t really talk much at all. I love her but she can be kind of toxic sometimes and keep really stress dynamics going.
So I didn’t call for mother day yesterday, bc I was chilling with my sister and her kids all I honestly forgot. Until I got a late text from my dad complaining that I didn’t call.
I just don’t like the dynamic of her telling on me and other cousins who don’t call and who aren’t that close with her or speak with her on a daily basis.
Idk, it pissed me off thst she sits at home making a list of people who didn’t call just to gossip about them. Even when I did call today she said “you’re about a day late” lol it’s laughable but tbh it’s a weird dynamic that I wish everyone would stop perceiving as cute or funny
Mind you I usually don’t forget, but I was busy living my life lol Idk AITA?
TL;DR: my GMA expects everyone to call on most holidays and birthday and if you don’t you get put on a list and she will tell on you or gossip about how you didn’t call. Not super close with her and I’m 27 and my cousins r who she gives this same treatment to are 30s-40s.weird dynamic or AITA for forgetting to call??

I posted a few months ago about my dad being hospitalized with a suspected infection (it wasn’t) due to behavior changes, and how we were being encouraged to shift him to memory care for more support/redirection since there was no cause of the behavior change besides progression of dementia. His doctors at the VA would not give me any changes to medication either.
So we found him a memory care unit and transferred him straight there from the hospital. It started out ok; he wasn’t sleeping or eating well but he was ok. Six plus weeks have passed and he’s settled in and starting to eat better, but still has sleep issues due to other residents who roam and moan. The last several days, he’s been sleepy (due to the aforementioned and probably due to boredom too) and he’s been a bit agitated.
The first shift aides don’t seem well trained so we’ve had a few issues with them, and one of the other residents (who was since transferred to a nursing home) pushed Dad a few times, but Dad didn’t reciprocate and mostly seems irritated by some of the other residents though not combative.
Today I got a call from the nurse saying that Dad “may” have struck a female resident, so they have to report it. (I need to call back to ask whom they are reporting this to…? Me? The other resident’s family? The director? 🤷🏻‍♀️) The nurse said all of the aides were busy getting people ready for bed and Dad was in the common area with some of the other folks. He was sitting with a lady chatting. At a certain point, one of the aides heard a slight commotion so came out to investigate, but reported that nothing was going on and she asked if anyone needed help and was told no. The female resident later told the aides that my dad struck her in the face and they did notice a mark (which today has bruised.) When the nurse who called me asked her what happened, she didn’t remember the specifics but indicated that someone had hit her. Of course, my dad denied it… but he doesn’t remember what happened 5 minutes ago.
The nurse said “this is memory care” repeatedly - i.e., they don’t really trust anyone 100%. But she said they checked the cameras in the area where they were sitting around the time they were left l alone and could find no evidence on the camera of any altercation. Still, the woman is bruised and repeating her story of being hit, so the nurse is “typing it up.” Presumably, this goes in dad’s file…?
I don’t know how I feel about all of this… the doctors say he needs redirection and the support of a facility but it seems like he was better at home with a live in aide. He had his moments but she handled them except when it was really over the top (which wasn’t a regular occurrence.) So far, it doesn’t seem like we’re getting more or better care at the facility. And still, none of the drs are talking about medication changes.
So what do I do with him? Do these things get sorted out or am I screwed on facilities until he needs skilled nursing?

I’m 27, she’s 23. We’ve been married a few years, we still have a house together we’re trying to sell. She’s been moved out for over a month. I’ve had plenty of time to digest this and work on accepting it. I’m trying not to be too tore up about it. But it sucks.
We got married young. So we had some moments, sure. Growing together and learning how to be adults together wasn’t easy. But we were getting there. We fought seldom. I loved her deeply, worshipped her even. I stayed in a field of work (non union electrician) that doesn’t pay well and is grueling work because it “stressed her out” too much to even consider me looking for other opportunities. But I learned to love my life, for her. I gave my all, really. I did my best.
I’m not perfect, I’d get mad sometimes, I don’t think she realizes how patient I was though. My anger is slow, but she knows exactly what to say to me to make me angry, and it worked most of the time. “You’re lazy… you’re incompetent… you’re just like your step dad… etc.”
I don’t know. I just feel like we were doing good, all things considered. We were building something, we were growing, learning….
And she did this a week before my birthday, not to mention last year she moved in with her mom for a month during my birthday as well. I just don’t understand how someone can do this to a person that has devoted their entire being to them. Working the job they want them to work, trying to be a better man, going to the gym regularly, working on mental health, all that good shit.
I know I have to just accept this, I’ll never understand.
It’s hard. All I wanted was to love and be loved, and I tried so hard to make that happen.
I should’ve known though. She was never home anymore, avoided me as much as possible, and anytime we did hang out if I let her know I didn’t like something or I wasn’t vibing or whatever I “ruined her entire day” every single time. Even now with the little communication we have she still accuses me of that.
Life is meaningless. Love isn’t real. I’m as worthless as I thought I was when I was a child. Fuck her, fuck this stupid job, fuck that house that ruined my finances, fuck the credit cards that she (she says we) got in my name and put 30k of debt on. Fuck everything. Fuck life. Fuck.

Last week’s hullabaloo played out less dramatically in the real world than what I’ve shared. The reality is that there was an upset, things were said, feelings were hurt, and it was all very necessary. The drama is in my thoughts, but my thoughts are all I put here.
Since then, there have been some subtle changes in PJ. He’s been more open lately, asking more questions – engaging Dotty on a deeper level. He asks her about his mom; he asks her to retell some of the stories that made them famous. From a distance, one might suspect that he’s making a place for her.
Since our emotive talk, and more than once, PJ has told me he was sorry, if not for the things he said, for the tone in which he said them. I told him that was all a part of the job and that he needn’t worry about it. Though the sense is that he is worried about it. He said he didn’t want me to think he forgot to love me. I told him I could never think that.
I had him in the car this morning when out of the clear blue, he started talking about the accident. PJ never speaks of it, so I was keen to listen. “I was thinking about something you said.” He began. He went on to talk about my regret for the days that came after; for leaving him alone. He told me that he also heard me talking about it with Uncle Dan once.
“You need to let that go, dad.” He said all at once.
His assertion surprised me; I hadn’t expected him to go there. I’m not sure if I answered him.
“It’s just stupid, I mean the way I see it, everyone had to play a part then. You played me, Uncle Danny played you – it’s just how it was.” He told me that what he remembers best is how I made time for him every day. “And you would tell me every bit of the good news first – I remember that.” He asked me if I’d forgotten.
I started to say that I was glad he had that memory, but he would interrupt me.
“The thing is, dad, you were doing what you were supposed to do,” he said, and as he said it, we were just pulling up to the head of the long path where I leave him each morning. He would gather his bag and pop open the door, but before he stepped out, he said, “And if you left Zach alone then, even for a minute, I would have thrown rocks at you until you went back.”
He hesitated to go, as if he knew the significance of what he was telling me. I can still hear the buzzing silence that accompanied that moment. He was looking right at me, and it felt entirely purposeful. I, on the other hand, was looking at the street ahead.
“Okay?” He asked.
I turned to him and smiled. “Okay.” I said.
I reached over, took his shoulder, and rocked him a few times before pushing him toward the door. I told him to do well, the way I do every morning - we bumped fists and I watched him bounce along to class.
I wouldn’t make it a block before I fell apart.
We’ve talked about it before, and he’s given me assurances then, but this is different. He was only answering me then. This was unprovoked, and deliberately instigated as though he needed me to know.
I believe him.
I feel as though I’ve reached a place, though I’m not sure where. But it feels like a place where I can stay a while and rest.

Hey all, just kinda looking for some advice on how to navigate the upcoming months in regards to my narc dad.
He's always been horribly emotionally abusive and as of 2020 he was physically abusive to my mother which resulted in their divorce and a restraining order filed against him by my mom. Im across the country from all of my family (mainly to get away from him initially but I've built a nice life for myself out here now and don't plan on moving back) but that distance created enough separation for me that I have remained in contact with my dad since the incident (my sister is no contact with my dad and tbh I really only kept our line of communication because I was afraid if he lost contact with all of us then he'd do something crazy or mentally snap). Since the event, I've been working with a therapist to create and enforce boundaries to help navigate conversations with him when they start going into territories I'm not comfortable talking about (ie- my mom, my sister, his sex life and drug usage that I don't need to know about) and have had to draw very hard lines with him in regards to asking me for money, which he's done about 4 times now.
In December of last year, my dad and I were on a call and he said these two sentences sequentially "your mom's restraining order against me ends in May." And "I know where your mom lives ". He did the exact same two sentences sequence in January of this year and after that, I decided to relay this information to my mom because it was concerning to me. Since the call in January he has sent me one text exchange, and it was asking me if I knew any witchcraft magic to put a hex on people that have been mean to him. That was early February and it's been over three months without a call or a text from him. What I have received since then was texts for him asking him to return a car rental and a call from a debt collection agency trying to get ahold of him, so he is using my number in some way for things I would like him to leave me out of.
So thats the basic backstory, here's the current development. My mom decided to use the information I disclosed to her as a reason to not only renew her restraining order, but to make it permanent. I fully support her decision and think it's a good idea, even if his side of the family might not agree with it and think it's "excessive" (so if punching my mom in the face and biting her but whatever), but now I'm starting to feel anxious about the impending eventual communication I will get from my dad soon. Im on edge wondering if he's going to reach out to me about the restraining order because I will be tied to the reason it's being filed (our convos as the reason) and if he doesn't reach out to me, then I'll have to decide if I want to be the one that does.. fathers day is coming up and so is his 60th birthday and I know if he doesn't reach out to me by then, he's going to assume I will be reaching out to him....and idk if I want to at this point...I'm just really conflicted and confused and don't know what to do. It would be easier for me to just fully lock the currently closed door on our relationship but there's still a part of me holding back a full no contact with him.
So here I am, checking my texts and messages every day scared I'm going to see one from him and what the contents will be. If he's going to grovel or if he's going to cut me with his words and why I'm even giving him an opening to do so.

Hi, my name is Anony_Miss_72, and my dad is a boomer. For further context, my husband and I are very anti-social media (yes, I know, I'm posting on reddit right now, but reddit is different and you all know it!). No pics of our kids online, we have no facebook, insta, snapchat, etc. and we ask our families not to share things about us online either. No judgement on what others do, we just don't want to be a part of it.
Now to my story... My hubby took some pretty cool photos of the northern lights the other day, and shared them in my family's group text. The next day, we saw my dad and he says "I shared your pictures on Facebook yesterday. People loved them, lots of likes. Facebook is how I keep track of my memories, and so I want those memories on there of your cool pictures. I figured you wouldn't mind." We very much did mind. I told my dad, "I'm glad you liked his pictures, but next time, please ask before you post our pictures online."
His response: "Why?" That's it. Just "why?"
I proceeded to explain to him that those were pictures my husband took, they belong to him and he deserves to be asked before his artwork gets shares with strangers. Also, dad, you know that we are very private people and we don't like our life posted on the Internet. So next time, please just ask.
His response: "Thank you for the clarification of your social media rules."
Cherry on top - my mom is mad at him about posting the pictures too, but not because our privacy, etc., but because he did not give my husband "photo cred" when he posted it. Which, I agree is totally uncool, but really mom? That's your biggest concern?!

Hey Courtney and anyone who decides to read my story, I have a little experience that I thought people might find interesting involving a dream I once had. I'll just set up some background information before jumping into the story.
When I was five, my little brother died of SIDs or Sudden Infant Death Syndrome at seven weeks old. Every year since his death, my mom makes a point to celebrate his birthday and for a lack of a better word, his death day. She always made a point to allow my sister and me to have a place to talk about him because our dad never let us. But, unlike my sister who was nine when he died, I didn't have many memories of him. The only one I could recall was the day he died which I don't like to think about.
This story happened when I was eighteen or so, after we celebrated his birthday. My mom and sister talked all day about their favorite memories of him in the short time we had him in our lives. I, on the other hand, sat there in self pity thinking about how shitty I felt for not remembering him. The day went on like any other day and by the end of it, I was ready for bed. I fell asleep quickly and that's where the real story starts.
I'm going to put this out there but I'm not one to remember dreams ever and if I do, they're very weird and strange. But, this one wasn't. It was quite normal actually. Dream me woke up and went on to get dressed and ready like any other day. From my room upstairs, I could hear my little brother, who was born after the death of the other brother and who we will call Henry for the sake of his privacy, chatting away downstairs but I never heard anyone talking back. But, dream me didn't seem to be weirded out by this and I just continued my morning routine.
Once I was ready, I headed down the stairs and took a right into our kitchen to get something for breakfast. When I turned into the kitchen I saw Henry sitting at the table talking away to some random kid, who looked to be thirteen or fourteen, that I had never seen before. I wasn't afraid of this random teen, in fact, I seemed to know him because I continued on with going to make breakfast. As I made myself breakfast, I felt eyes on me and Henry stopped talking all of a sudden. I turned to look back to the kitchen table where they sat and found the teen looking at me.
This was the first time that I got a good look at him. He looked like me, well a bit like me. He looked like me if I looked more like my dad. The same brown hair and green eyes. As I looked at the teen, he gave me a smile and said "It's okay." I was confused. I thought okay weirdo and went back to making breakfast. And as if he was reading my mind he continued, "It's okay that you don't remember me because we will be together again someday." That's when I woke up with tears streaming down my face.
I can't say 100% that it was my little brother but he would have been the same age as the boy in my dream. Part of me tried to rationalize it. Maybe it could have been my subconscious but I choose to think he came to visit me and tell me that everything was okay. I've only had one other dream like this and in that dream I was a mother to a little boy with sandy blonde hair. Flashforward a few years and now I'm the mother of a little boy with sandy blonde hair. This is why I fully believe my brother did come to visit me and reassure me that it was okay that I didn't remember him fully. But, I would like to know what he meant by "we will be together again someday".

My mom used to say I had a flat ass from my dad and would literally compare my ass to my brothers. ( I am aware this is weird and yes this happened when I was a child ) I’m looking to see if others dealt with something similar. My mom would compare and bring attention to the fact that my brothers took after my moms big ass. Like it was something to be proud of or maybe a way to inflate her ego and squash mine. I internalized this shame and I believe I carried weight disproportionally wrong because of it. I’m still till this day insecure over that part of my body. Now that I have dropped this relationship with my mom the weight is coming off and I see how rude and negative her comments affected me as a child into adulthood. Now I make sure to point out my daughter’s characteristics out with love. I remind her of all the beautiful aspects and similarities that she shares with her dad. I hate that my mom had this much control over my physical appearance and she chose to destroy my self confidence instead. They often wondered why I had no self confidence but she would make comments about everything and none of it helped grow my confidence. When I lost weight my mom made everything about herself; saying she could never gain weight. Whereas i never could lose it; until I could and then she made that about herself too.
Once for my birthday she bought the ugliest fish I had ever seen for my tank. She told me since she hated them that I must love them. I did in fact not like them. She would make comments like this over all my choices of style, mocking each decision I made. Then when I dealt with extreme indecisive everyone wondered why….. it’s so obvious now!
Another one was my voice. She often laughed at my voice and would mimic it in this high pitched extremely embarrassing way. I now believe this was a sign of trauma within myself that I sounded like a little girl even into my mid 20s. I was insecure of my own voice for the longest. But guess what also changed when I got away from my mom? My voice. I grew into it and it’s since deepened. Everyone that I have surrounded myself with never mimics my voice or tries to purposefully embarrass me.
For years I was gaslighted to think my mom cared about me but I truly believe she only cared about the information that was being supplied to her so she could share with her flying monkeys. Because of some these things she did does not scream love to me, it screams abuse.

I got an element complete board for my birthday because i wanted to start skating and my carers grandson is bragging how he has independent trucks and spitfire wheels and his dads olds expensive deck saying he’s better than me because of his stuff. I know this is a stupid question but does it make that much of a difference if ur a beginner because it’s kinda putting me off of skating now. The boys also bragging how he can do ollie’s (he can’t) and he can barely even cruise (he got his board his board a few weeks ago but he only tries to do tricks he didn’t even ride around)

CW: sad girl posting
Apologies for the negativity, I try to keep my posting habits celebratory and positive for the most part, but I keep crying about this and I could use a lil boost of encouragement/solidarity.
I'm [F 28] sad because it shouldn't be only two years; it should be ten. Hell, twenty. It should be twenty-four years because that's how long ago I can remember having felt like I wished to have been born a girl. It was one of the first things I wrote down after learning how to write but my dad found it and confronted me about it. I don't remember what he said, but I remember being really scared of him, lying about it, and saying I didn't really mean it. It's a formative enough memory that every other childhood/adolescent trans-related memory I have (of which there are many) involves being afraid of him finding out about whatever I was doing/feeling.
Now I'm pushing thirty and I feel like such a fucking loser. The other day I met a twenty year old girl I was sure was cis, but she's actually a girl like me. Only she got to come out at age eleven and had supportive parents who helped her access puberty blockers. She's so gorgeous and passing and miles ahead of me in the career we're both in. I hold no ill will towards her and I would never make my feelings her problem. In all likelihood I'll never see her again. But meeting her, seeing her, and learning her story... I really hate to say it but it triggered me. I got so jealous. Not even of her appearance, necessarily, just that she had the opportunity to come out as a kid and bypass t-fueled puberty. Her voice was so perfectly feminine and undamaged the way mine is. She's everything I wish I could be, in transition and career, and she's only fucking twenty. Like what the fuck am I even doing here? What value do I add when girls like her exist?
I have a lot to be grateful for, but I still can't shake the feeling of having missed my chance. It could have been me. I researched puberty blockers and trans kids when I was a young adolescent and felt kinship with them. I lived with my mom who is the total opposite of my dad and would have accepted and encouraged me no matter what. But I was still too afraid to admit, even to myself, that that was who I was. Even on the opposite side of the country with very little involvement in my life, my dad's influence was strong enough that I voluntarily stifled myself to fit in the box he wanted me to for his approval. And I chose to stay in it until the pandemic shattered all my illusions about the world and I started doing things for myself for a change.
In a lot of ways, I'm very lucky. I didn't lose any friends by coming out and I live in a very progressive part of a very progressive state. I have support at work. I have naturally feminine features that I like and other trans girls tell me all the time how they wished they looked like me. My dating life has never been better. I should be grateful, but instead I'm full of regret. People say I shouldn't want to change the past because our experiences make us who we are and I wouldn't be the person I am today without them. But I hear that and all I think is "I don't want to be the person I am today." I want to be me, but the version of me who came out as a kid, who got on blockers and hrt sooner. The version of me who didn't develop weird fetishes and kinks as a coping mechanism for the latent dysphoria that might never go away now. The version of me who doesn't hate herself. I don't even want to be cis, I think being trans is cool and beautiful, I just wish I had started earlier.
It's just not fair. I'll be fine. I'm working on it in therapy. Maybe someday it won't bother me as much. Right now I'm just feeling like it's not fucking fair. And I'm mourning the life I could have had instead of celebrating the one I'm in.
Can anyone relate?

bit of a rant. Throwaway account for privacy. not looking for advice, I just need to rant about this somewhere. Even if it's typing it into the void of reddit. So a bit of bckstory: I (36M) haven't spoken a word to most of my mom's side of the family in over 8 years. the only person I have kept some semblance of contact with would be my aunt, and even then she just has my email that I mainly use for subscriptions or anything that may result in spam.
Growing up, I was the older of 2 brothers (younger brother in currently 33). Parents got divorced when I was young and then my dad passed away a few years later. My mom did everything she could to keep us from having any contact with him. I didn't even find out he had died until I was 18.
My mom had always come off as fairly indifferent to me or anything I did. She coddled the absolute hell out of my brother though. in typical narc fashion, he was the golden child that could do no wrong. If he ever DID do wrong, it wasn't him. It was me somehow. A few examples: He was caught smoking weed in a janitor closet at school, he must have learned that from me or got the weed from me. (even though I had very limited privacy and nowhere to hide weed at the time) He got caught skipping school, I must have driven him to wherever he was skipping. (even though my mom kept track of the mileage on my car and showed I didn't go anywhere other than work and school on the daily). He stole my debit card (and later did this to my mom) to subscribe to adult sites and it was my fault for leaving it in my wallet while I slept where he could get to it.
I want to note here, that I never blamed my brother for how our mom treated me. she was the bitch, he was just a source of ammo she used against me for whatever reason. I held him accountable for his own shitty behavior. I had to get out as soon as I turned 18. So i did. had no room mates or a place lined up and spent a few months couch surfing until my best friend's parents took me in when he left for boot camp. So, about the time I was 21 and halfway through my second year of college, he wound up getting expelled from his high school (his 5th year in the 9th grade). Surprisingly, I wasn't blamed for it. I was just told he was eexpelled for setting off a fire extinguisher in the hallway. My mom offered to pay me $20 a week to drive him to and from his alternative school. I reluctantly agreed and did that for a couple years until i moved into an apartment on another side of town.
about the time I was 27 and finishing up my bachelor's (engineering major, took me a while) my mom dropped him off on my doorstep and just left. they got into an argument and he needed a place to stay for the time being. as much of a pain in the ass as he is, he's still my bother, so I took him in and let him crash on my couch. at that point, he was essentially a 24 year old hs dropout that was on disability for seizures and I thouht he needed some direction and discipline that our mom just would not give him.
and then I found out why he stopped attending his alternative school. He never went. I'd drop him off, and then he'd leave and walk home. after a few years, he started "dating" a classmate and would walk to her house and wait for her to get home. Her mom came home from work and caught them. She was 14, he was 24. This was the "argument" they got into. he couldn't stay at my mom's, because she lived too close to a school. If I could have gotten away with it, I would have ended him right there. I was almost at the end of my lease, and primed to leave the state. haven't been back since. I just left him at the apartment when I moved out. he's not going to be my problem.
My mom's side of the family is full of addicts, abusers, cons, and predators with one exception: my aunt. She's the only one I've kinda-sorta kept in touch with. Mostly for Birthday and holiday greetings and only through email.
Well, I checked my email for the first time since late Jan and there's at laest 60 of them from her and my mom now wanting to mend bridges. Apparently my mom had to sell her house and move elsewhere after I left so my brother could live with her again, and now her health isn't too great and she wats me to take my brother back in so she can focus on her health. Nobody on my mom's side knows where I moved to. Not even my aunt. I didn't want to take the chance of my mom or brother finding out and potentially showing up. Sorry for the long and incoherent rant and rambling of it. I don't have anyone I can meet up with and talk about this to as I don't talk about my family with anyone I know here.

If you would you like to join a supportive community dedicated to sharing birthday ideas ,a caring space where we lift each other up, and, most importantly, ensure that no child's special day goes uncelebrated. Let's build a community where every mom and child feels valued and loved. Let me know in the chat and I will share the link to join us on Facebook and spread smiles and creating unforgettable memories!

Hi everyone! I'm looking to buy a smart bird feeder with a camera as a present for my dad. He doesn't have Wi-Fi at home, but he does have a smartphone. I'm looking for something that isn't too expensive and doesn't necessarily need to connect to Wi-Fi or your phone to work. I've seen some online that have a memory card and automatically take pictures. You can then transfer the card to your computer to view the pictures, which I think would be a good idea. Do any of you have any recommendations that I can find on Amazon, for example? Thank you very much!

Hey there! Thanks for stopping by my post. Here's the deal: I'm knee-deep in my thesis right now, and I could really use a distraction (or ten). That's where you come in!
I'm all about meaningful conversations, goofy moments, meme exchanges, and just being there for each other. Whether we end up as friends or something more, let's make some memories and have a blast along the way!
Now, let me tell you a bit about what makes me tick:

• Music: If there's one constant in my life, it's music. From discovering new tunes to writing my own stuff, it's my passion. Got any recommendations?
• Cooking: Consider me a culinary "adventurer". Sometimes my experiments turn out amazing, and other times they're a learning experience!
• Gaming: My dad raised me on games and it's always stuck with me. League is what I always fall back on (judge me if you want, I totally get it), but I'm down to try anything. Always down for an all-night gaming session!
• Streetwear: Fashion enthusiast, which sadly hasn't made my dress sense any better! I love receiving fit pics.
• Academia: I'm currently pursuing a career in academia, so I'm knee-deep in the academic world. But don't worry, I promise not to bore you with lectures (unless you want me to). I'd love explore some fascinating topics together if you're down!

As for the physical stuff: I'm 178 cm (that's 5'10" for my non-metric pals), white, with brown hair and blue eyes. Average to fit build.
Check out my profile for some pics if you're curious. And remember, no hard feelings if I'm not your type. Shoot me a DM, and let's see where this goes! I've also got Discord, if you'd prefer moving the conversation over there.
Looking forward to hearing from you!

Apologies for the negativity, I try to keep my posting habits celebratory and positive for the most part, but I keep crying about this and I could use a lil boost of encouragement/solidarity.
I'm [F 28] sad because it shouldn't be only two years; it should be ten. Hell, twenty. It should be twenty-four years because that's how long ago I can remember having felt like I wished to have been born a girl. It was one of the first things I wrote down after learning how to write but my dad found it and confronted me about it. I don't remember what he said, but I remember being really scared of him, lying about it, and saying I didn't really mean it. It's a formative enough memory that every other childhood/adolescent trans-related memory I have (of which there are many) involves being afraid of him finding out about whatever I was doing/feeling.
Now I'm pushing thirty and I feel like such a fucking loser. The other day I met a twenty year old girl I was sure was cis, but she's actually a girl like me. Only she got to come out at age eleven and had supportive parents who helped her access puberty blockers. She's so gorgeous and passing and miles ahead of me in the career we're both in. I hold no ill will towards her and I would never make my feelings her problem. In all likelihood I'll never see her again. But meeting her, seeing her, and learning her story... I really hate to say it but it triggered me. I got so jealous. Not even of her appearance, necessarily, just that she had the opportunity to come out as a kid and bypass t-fueled puberty. Her voice was so perfectly feminine and undamaged the way mine is. She's everything I wish I could be, in transition and career, and she's only fucking twenty. Like what the fuck am I even doing here? What value do I add when girls like her exist?
I have a lot to be grateful for, but I still can't shake the feeling of having missed my chance. It could have been me. I researched puberty blockers and trans kids when I was a young adolescent and felt kinship with them. I lived with my mom who is the total opposite of my dad and would have accepted and encouraged me no matter what. But I was still too afraid to admit, even to myself, that that was who I was. Even on the opposite side of the country with very little involvement in my life, my dad's influence was strong enough that I voluntarily stifled myself to fit in the box he wanted me to for his approval. And I chose to stay in it until the pandemic shattered all my illusions about the world and I started doing things for myself for a change.
In a lot of ways, I'm very lucky. I didn't lose any friends by coming out and I live in a very progressive part of a very progressive state. I have support at work. I have naturally feminine features that I like and other trans girls tell me all the time how they wished they looked like me. My dating life has never been better. I should be grateful, but instead I'm full of regret. People say I shouldn't want to change the past because our experiences make us who we are and I wouldn't be the person I am today without them. But I hear that and all I think is "I don't want to be the person I am today." I want to be me, but the version of me who came out as a kid, who got on blockers and hrt sooner. The version of me who didn't develop weird fetishes and kinks as a coping mechanism for the latent dysphoria that might never go away now. The version of me who doesn't hate herself. I don't even want to be cis, I think being trans is cool and beautiful, I just wish I had started earlier.
It's just not fair. I'll be fine. I'm working on it in therapy. Maybe someday it won't bother me as much. Right now I'm just feeling like it's not fucking fair. And I'm mourning the life I could have had instead of celebrating the one I'm in.
Can anyone relate?