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It's as the title says. I miss occasions like wedding , freshers, farewells, birthday parties or anything in general that requires me to dress up, wear makeup, mingle with people and click pictures by saying that I have a migraine or I get bored easily.
But the truth is that I hate how I look and how I can't just make myself look pretty no matter what I wear or how I doll myself up. The end result will always be the same and I will always end up hating how I look or how my pictures come out. The hate is not the major reason why I avoid then though. It's the spiral, that I should have never wasted my time and energy on trying to make myself pretty since the end result will not change and the fact that I will never look pretty and my smile will never be something to look at, that I fall into. That spiral gives out a guilt that creeps up on me anytime I have attended any event in the past. I will come home, look at the photos and I will just end up hating myself enough to not look in the mirror for the next 2 to 3 days. This guilt and the feeling that I have wasted my time make me avoid the events each time. I have tried to ignore that guilt and self hatred but guess what I fail everytime. I always hate how my pictures come out no matter how hard I work and how much I learn posing. I wish I could express this guilt and hatred better but I can't. It's just a jumble of feelings inside me.
Now don't think that I am trying to cater to compliments here. Trust me I am not. I know how I look. I know that I have one of the ugliest smile and my body is wierd with stretch marks all over it. And no matter what I do I can't seem to loose weight. My pictures comes out ugly as hell no matter the lighting or the poses, enough to destroy the whole picture. I also probably lack confidence. I have come in terms with it for my daily life. I normally don't think about how I look in my daily outfits in my day to day life. For most of the part I just ignore the fact that I want to or am supposed look pretty or anything in my day to day life. This insecurity, that I have didn't start form any Instagram model or anything. It just got rooted inside me one day. And after that day I started hating how I looked at every event and how I just couldn't get my pictures look good. I don't know why my looks at only the events effect me this much and not in my day to day life. I don't compare myself to anyone normally except when I am getting ready for any event or ocassion to attend. But I think my frustration and hatred comes from the fact that even after using lots and lots of energy and time to get ready for any event I still manage to look below average with that ugly smile.
And I have been to therapists. They will just ask me to try and force myself to attend these events using various methods and honestly I hate that I have to force myself to attend them even though each and every cell in my body is screaming that I don't want to go. I have had several panic attacks by now regarding this and so now I just don't want to waste my energy and those feelings of hating myself (since they only appear when I am to any kind of events as I said earlier). Maybe I will have regrets in the future for missing some very special moments in my life and will have no moments of fun and social life in college to reminisce about. But right now in this space I am happy. Right now I don't regret not attending them since I know what will follow. Right now here I am at peace without the fear of people and panic attacks.
You know the world really likes to preach about how exterior beauty doesn't matter and it's what you have on the inside that matters but then won't hesitate to tell you ugly or compare you or give you suggestions on how to make yourself look pretty. Just saying.
Anyway the reason I am saying this is probably because I wanted to let this out. For past 5 years everyone around me has been trying to make me attend different events but obviously they have been unsuccessful. My parents by now have almost given up and I think my friends are suspicious. But yeah since I can't tell them about the actual reason I am typing it out here. Why? I don't know. Maybe by having it out here I am trying to placate my mind that I have told my friends and parents why don't attend these events. But in truth no one knows.
Okay, so this is going to be a long one. I (31F) have been married to my husband (32M) for 13 years, going on 14 years. We married young. I was 17, and he was 19. (Yes, I know that's crazy young) My husband, i will call him (" hubs " in this post) has 2 brothers. I will refer to his brothers as ( "John" and "zack"). Hubs is the oldest of the three boys. Zack is the second oldest brother (26 M), and John is the youngest brother (24M).
For years, I have had issues with zack. He has continually bullied me in the past. I used to have a lazy eye (I've had surgery to correct it), and he would make fun of it. Asking me which eye i was looking at him with. I have 3 kids, and before I started working again, he made a recommendation to me while having him as a guest at my home.. the recommendation was that I get up and give my chair to my husband so he can sit and relax because he "actually works." As a teen ( he was 17ish), he shoulder checked me (HARD) into a brick wall while I was pregnant with my second daughter. When I was pregnant with my oldest, I lived with my in-laws for a while, and he would make up lies about me to "get his way" with his parents. Stupid lies. Like I was hogging the TV remote, or I was being "mean" to him. Because he is their child and they did not know me well, of course they believed him. Since then, it's been non-stop little things. And jokes that are very distasteful and inappropriate. (No im not a karen these jokes were concerning sex or race and he would say them around my young children) (they are no longer allowed around zack without me or hubs present due to this issue) These things continued to happen up till about 3 or 4 years ago.
My husband's family has regular family gatherings. For every holiday, and in-between the holidays birthdays. For YEARS, I have continued to go despite me being uncomfortable. I respect Hubs mom and grandmother a lot. I also have a good relationship with them. So, to keep the peace, I just dealt with it. That is until my 30th birthday. I then decided that I wouldn't sacrifice my peace on every holiday ect to make someone else happy. So I told my husband's mom that I would only be attending 1 or 2 a year because I no longer wanted to be put in uncomfortable situations.
Zack found out about this. I'm assuming his parents told him. He called and apologized to me. Altho I do forgive him. I don't trust him. So I still don't go much. (Also, zack has been a lot better)
Rewind a bit..
Now to the SIL Zack got married a few years ago. We will call his now wife "jan" (24F). Jan is 3 months older than the youngest brother John. Despite my distaste for zack, I have tried to keep the peace with Hubs' family. I didn't want to be the cause of family issues. So when I found out about Jan, I had her and zack over. The first time I met Jan, she "scoffed" at me. I joke around with hubs a lot. I call him "baby daddy." We were standing in my kitchen, and I said, "Hey baby, Daddy, can you hand me my drink?" she looks over and scoffs and rolls her eyes at me. Again.. this is our first meeting and we are in MY house. As time passes, she does this quite often. A few years ago, I got breast augmentation, and I was honest about it. I didn't hide it. After three kids and breastfeeding, I wanted to love my body again, and I felt I needed to normalize things like this. (Also, I didn't get them huge.. not that it would matter if I did but for context in 5'4 145 lbs my bottom half is "thicker" so dr said larger implants would "even me out" i got DD's and they do look Portionate) Well I was passing zack and Jan at hubs grandmother's house I over heard them laughing about it. (I don't remember their exact words) Then after that I found out from other family members that she was going around talking bad about me and my augmentation behind my back.
After that happened my children went to my mother in laws house. ( zack and Jan moved next door to them), and Jan went to MIL house with her four-wheeler. Then Jan and FIL let my (at the time 11 year old) son get on without an adult with no prior experience and without our knowledge and with no gear. He drove it around the property. I found out about this, and hubs spoke to his parents and let them know that we are not comfortable with that. I called Jan and politely told her that we don't like him on things like that by himself. (My hubs best friend died on something similar when he was 15) and asked that the next time she would call to ask, and maybe we could at least get protective gear for it. She snapped at me and wouldn't let me finish my statement, and with an attitude said "okay I get it, you're the parent," and hung up.
Following this there was also a family wedding that she was very rude at. John got married to a lovely and sweet girl. I will call her lisa. Mine and jans kids were both hin johns and lisas' wedding. So we were in the room with lisa and the bridesmaids. Jan was so rude that the bridesmaids in the wedding noticed. However, Im really close to John and really do see him as my brother. So I kept my mouth shut and held it together because I didn't want to start anything on his wedding day.
Fast forward to now
We recently had a family get-together. I don't go often, as i stated above. But I haven't seen the family in a while (and I am really close to them) so I decided to go. Zack was working, so he wasn't there, but Jan and her two kids were. Lisa and I talked for a while (we are close and get along great!) then I talked to the rest of the family a bit. Jan walked past me and said hi, so to keep things cordial, I smiled andnsaid hi. But that's all I said to her while I was there. When I left, I hugged everyone goodbye (not jan).
A while later, I got a phone call from another family member saying that zack called them ranting about how jan told him i was mean to her. How I didn't hug her goodbye and accusing me of trying to "steal lisa." (Like you can steal a human being 🤦🏻♀️) Then zack told this family member that if I continue, he is going to go back to his "old ways."
I'm taken aback by this. I do not want a relationship with zack or Jan because I don't think they are good people. They have both been constant drama and just distasteful. Zack had gotten better, but now this... and still... Why would I want a relationship with them. Or go out of my way to physically hug someone who is hateful to me? Also, i don't even go to most of the family gatherings. How am I trying to steal the other sister in law? Lisa and I hung out outside of the family because we bonded. I even spoke at their wedding. This was already known information. Why would it be weird that I talk to her? I get that jan may feel left out, but in my opinion, you can't make your bed out of rocks and then be upset that it's not comfortable... why should i once again have to make myself uncomfortable to please her? Or them? Jan claims that she just wants a relationship with me (she didn't tell me this. She told another family member), but i think she just likes playing games. Because if she did, she wouldn't treat me the way she continues to. I think she wants to be a victim 🤷🏻♀️ Most of the other family members understand my POV. But some think I should "give her a chance," but i do not understand the logic of jan and zack. And i do not have a desire to have any form of a relationship with them. AITA For not wanting to involve myself with her and her husband? What do I do? If I don't go to any family functions, I'm letting them control me. So I'm definitely not doing that, but what other options are there?
Also, NOTE- My husband hates zack and Jan. He is on my side with this. Also, sorry for any typos. I wanted a biased opinion on this, and I'm about to have to leave for work, so I typed fast 😅
So I've had IBSD for literally as long as I can remember. I don't feel like putting in the effort to type out my entire medical history here but I'll lay out some of the more important bits.
I've had the colonoscopy and the breath tests and blood tests and pretty much all the tests except for endoscopy.
I've tried variations of the elimination diet multiple times. I cut out meat over a decade ago. Cut out dairy about 7 years ago. I'm vegan. And as of the last few months I've been avoiding nightshades the best I can. And for a good long while now, not sure how long But less than a year, I've been avoiding leafy greens. Let us and spinach and arugula and such.
I still haven't figured out exactly what my triggers are. Feels like everything's a trigger.
But recently I had a good day. And then a couple days after that another good one. And the only thing I can think of I did differently was that I took a chance and I tried lettuce again.
So it's got to be the fiber in the lettuce right? Or is there some other ingredient in it that would help? Or is it purely coincidental? I've always thought I had a bad reaction to leafy greens before. But I'm realizing now that I've always had it with other things before. Maybe I've had a bad reaction after a salad and it blamed the lettuce, but really the culprit was the tomatoes? Or like having a sandwich or burger, I'd get lettuce and tomato together. Maybe I was blaming the wrong food for the problem.
I'm going to slowly and cautiously keep adding more leafy greens back into my diet. I just wanted to know am I wrong? Am I on the right track? Is there other ways to get fiber besides lettuce? Cuz I know there's different types of fiber. I've tried the psyllium husk powder supplement to some small degree of success. Anything else?
CANCER ZODIAC TAROT READING - UNEXPECTED INCOME MAY 2024
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In a bit of a lull in client work today so doing some research on business development stuff.
I've been drawn to exploring how useful AI tools could be for us but it's really hard to get a sense for how actually useful these tools are. It doesn't help that all of them want me to fork over big bucks before I really understand how to use them properly and can judge how useful they truly are.
Online, all the discussions are focused on the tech industry rather than architecture, it's been hard to find any real opinions on this stuff for our field. So, I hope to start a conversation among architects who've actually used these tools and any use they've found out of them.
I've been looking at tools like mnml and veras for making the process of getting good looking renders quicker but it seems hard to truly dial in something client presentable. Veras seems more appealing due to a dedicated client that gives you the ability to precisely adjust specific geometry, but mnml seems like it might generate better results (though on my trial run I struggled to get the output I wanted).
There's also bimlogic copilot which piqued my interest as a revit plugin to help automate revit tasks. But I don't see anyone talking about this and the website has hardly any information, so hard to judge if it's truly worth it. Their examples show the doing things like bulk-duplicating views, which I can already do easily without needing to type out a command to do it for me.
What kinds of tools have you used? Have you found them effective? Have you found a way to get them to work for you so that they've been able to speed up your processes?
I've recently gotten a Kodak easyshare m550 and it takes cool pics.
The problem is that the cable it came with doesn't charge the battery. IT shows as connected and charging but not matter how much time I leave it there it won't charge a bit.
Are these cameras chargeable with the pc usb port or a regular phone adapter? Do I need to get a specialized charger for it?
It has a kodak klic-7006, 3,7V battery and a usb type U-8 cable.
In a bit of a lull in client work today so doing some research on business development stuff.
I've been drawn to exploring how useful AI tools could be for us but it's really hard to get a sense for how actually useful these tools are. It doesn't help that all of them want me to fork over big bucks before I really understand how to use them properly and can judge how useful they truly are.
Online, all the discussions are focused on the tech industry rather than architecture, it's been hard to find any real opinions on this stuff for our field. So, I hope to start a conversation among architects who've actually used these tools and any use they've found out of them.
I've been looking at tools like mnml and veras for making the process of getting good looking renders quicker but it seems hard to truly dial in something client presentable. Veras seems more appealing due to a dedicated client that gives you the ability to precisely adjust specific geometry, but mnml seems like it might generate better results (though on my trial run I struggled to get the output I wanted).
There's also bimlogic copilot which piqued my interest as a revit plugin to help automate revit tasks. But I don't see anyone talking about this and the website has hardly any information, so hard to judge if it's truly worth it. Their examples show the doing things like bulk-duplicating views, which I can already do easily without needing to type out a command to do it for me.
What kinds of tools have you used? Have you found them effective? Have you found a way to get them to work for you so that they've been able to speed up your processes?
I had 4 months sober last year and gave it away in November. I haven’t been able to stop since then. I used to be a drink on the weekends type of person and would go overboard every time because I don’t know how to stop. This time around, I’m drinking on some week nights and the weekend.
The problem is, I want to stop but I also don’t want to stop. I hate the fact that I shouldn’t be drinking. I wish I could just have a drink or two every other week and be fine but I can’t. I know I was able to get sober for 4 months but it feels so different this time around. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m mostly surrounded by boyfriend’s family members who love to drink. I know it’s not an excuse, but it certainly makes things harder. I’m at a loss.
My English bulldog is a rescue, and I got him about 4 years ago. When I first got him, he never ever barked, which was great for me living in a college apartment. I moved for one year with a friend who also had a dog, which almost ‘taught’ him how to bark. He started barking sporadically, but usually just to be playful. In the past year, since moving to an apartment by myself, he has started barking like it is his job. He wakes me up every single morning barking, and barks at any noise at all (sometimes even when there are no noises). He’s a big dog, so the barks are LOUD. I have tried to find the root of the problem but it doesn’t seem like he is barking at anything in particular. I have tried a bark collar, with a vibrate setting rather than a shock setting, to try to distract him once he starts barking. It almost never works. I am a college student and don’t have the money for the expensive auto trainers. He is barking while I’m typing this. I’m going insane. Any advice? Has anyone else had this issue?
I've had a garden in the high desert climate for many years but I've always just used black mulch as a weed suppressant and soaker hoses. I'm NOT irrigation minded and haven't been able to figure out how to do household hose hookup to pvc to drip line or tape. At least not for a budget amount.
THE CURRRENT BAD: I'm sick of the black plastic mess and even more, the water waste normal soakers seem to inevitably produce with their tears, punctures, leaking at connection etc. I also haven't had success splicing normal hoses! They ALWAYS leak a lot and I've tried every type of splicer available 🤷🏼♀️? We also have GOATHEADS everywhere ugh! They poke holes in the soakers hoses VERY easily. Our soil is sandy and clay.. so erotion happens with leakage forming rivers and weeds!
The garden is down a hill and past my driveway. So I have an HD hose going from the house to a female threaded PVC pipe, that drops down the hill underground & goes under the driveway. (Was here when I bought the house!) Then there's about an 8 ft distance to get to the garden. I usually run a (overly long!) HD hose to a 4 connect splitter outfitted with the 4 -50 ft soaker hoses snaking around the rows.. ( We have HIGH pressure)
But I'd love to know how to do PVC. Maybe I'm over complicating it idk lol. I tried to match up parts and make a hose to pvc to drip system last year but it was SO overwhelming. BTW I have Adhd lol. 😆💚🌎
So so grateful for any help!
Please I will be very thankful for any response no matter what is your experience with molecular gastronomy. Thank you in advance☺️.
1. Definition of Molecular Gastronomy: - Can you provide your understanding of the concept of molecular gastronomy? - How would you describe the role of science in molecular gastronomy?
2. Influence of Cooking Methods on Flavor Release and Perception: - In your experience, how do different cooking methods impact flavor release and perception in molecular gastronomy dishes? - Could you share an example of a cooking method that particularly enhances flavor perception?
3. Evaluation of Current States in Restaurant Operation: - What are some current trends or challenges you observe in the operation of restaurants that specialize in molecular gastronomy? - How do you see technology influencing the operation and customer experience in these restaurants?
4. Identification of Types of Molecular Gastronomy: - Can you differentiate between various types or approaches to molecular gastronomy? - Are there any emerging trends or subfields within molecular gastronomy that you find particularly interesting?
Additional Questions: - How do you see molecular gastronomy evolving in the future? - What are some common misconceptions people have about molecular gastronomy? - How important is experimentation and innovation in molecular gastronomy?
Thank you for your time and valuable insights. Your expertise will significantly contribute to our research on this fascinating culinary field.
So I'm making a post because no one else seems to have had this issue.
Windows 11 PC, no new downloads other than a Minecraft modpack that my buddies and I play.
I just opened my computer and opened Chrome, when suddenly the window (not open to anything, still the google search opening page) began talking and said, "This tab is paused because we have detected a trojan virus on your computer" or something of that sort. Just a generic TTS female voice. Windows Defender didn't see anything on a scan, but that's... the whole point of a trojan virus, right? Anyway, just wanted to see if anyone has ever encountered this before, or if they have any information from Google about that type of warning. Thanks!
EDIT: I'm doing scans and other security things, so my question isn't about how to check for malware! It's just to see if anyone else knows of or has heard of this type lf warning
so im in high school and I find a guy really handsome, he have light blond hair, blue eyes, he's tall and he have a small scar on his cheek. so we often make eyes contact with each other but it doesn't last more than 4 seconds, he seem a but quiet tho, but I never talked to people first because I was always kind of nervous about being rejected or being made fun of but I never seen a guy being more my type than him actually.
we really don't know each other we never talked. But like I really want to ask for his number but l'm so nervous I don't know how to do because he's always with a guy (quite shy looking ) and I can only do it when we luckily eat at the same time :)) I don't even know if he have a girlfriend or if he could find me pretty 💀🙏
Hey there M 24, 6'1 medical professional lonely af lol. Trying this community and this app for the first time. I don't know how many words are needed to type here so I'm just posting shit randomly I will be there by you and your team at the end of the day of the day.