Catfighting women

I spent four days traveling in a car from San Francisco airport to the Redwood Forest in California with my youngest son who is 15 years old.
It was an interesting and eye-opening road trip for me because it was the first time I was able to spend some alone time with my youngest and last child. He is my most wild and clever one. He came of age during the pandemic where everything shut down: schools, gyms, tutoring, restaurants, neighborhood events, in-person relationships, community events, extracurricular activities, sports, everything went away. And for those two plus years he spent behind a screen, he lost some of his genius, and creative curiosity, that the screens snatched away and locked up his imagination, hopefully it won’t be gone forever. For now, screens dominate his thoughts and eyes, as he's entering his junior year of high school.
But I'm not really sharing a story today to talk about the negative impact, stress and mental health of my youngest son–which I believe IS a result of the immersive technology brought on by the pandemic. I want to share my story about what it's like to be a mother, with an abrupt and dark awakening during the pandemic, running a business and being a wife, in what I would consider the most pressing, challenging, and testing times of my entire life so far. I say this, knowing that there are other people that are unwell, fighting for their lives, in the middle of war, have recently lost a job or a parent, or a child, or maybe they've even lost their mind. But I do want to suggest that being a mother and an entrepreneur and a wife at the same time in the United States of America is crushing. Emotionally, physically, and spiritually crushing and it keeps your life in a state of the repeating emergence of looming emergencies that never get fixed. It's difficult to keep up any momentum or stamina, in an environment of constant challenge, questioning, and frankly doubt. Doubt not only about yourself, but doubt, disappointment and disparagement from everyone around you, and your requirement to constantly prove your worth, yourself, abilities and skills with no guaranteed rate of return.
I'm a person that has never believed that I have imposter syndrome as it is commonly defined as “the condition of feeling anxious and not experiencing success internally, despite being high-performing in external, objective ways.” Instead, I would like to redefine imposter syndrome as the realization that maybe you ARE actually mediocre, average or perhaps even below average. There's this concept and idea that you're supposed to be superior and top-of-the-line and perfect and always operating at 150% or over performing and over delivering, hence when you are not, you are a fraud, a faker and a taket. These things are standards that are unreachable and not sustainable, especially the context of being a mother too, with a small business or as an entrepreneur. Anyone that tells you you can do anything even if you have children and if you have children and you're not doing it it's just an excuse that you never want to do it in the first place–I'd really like to see them try!
I look back over the years with the understanding that I've had to work for myself in order to have children. I am not a candidate to be a mother of small children working in a corporate environment. Those are different types of super women with emotional armor that I have never wore or owned–I am just not one of them. So for any everyday middle- or working-class entrepreneur woman that is on her own with a child or more, I just want to be one the person to commend YOU.
Give you all the flowers and all the music and all the hugs and everything to let you know that you're not alone. There are so many of us out here that are feeling excruciating, painful pressure, and we don't really have anybody to talk to about it. We don't have corporate mental health services. We don't have a single person that we can rely on because everyone is fighting for their own lives. But I do know from my own listening strategies, research and my marketing develoment, that there are so many women with children working on their own just like you and me. They are flying under the radar, and scraping their way to hold on to hope and seeking ways to earn. And even though you might feel like you're unemployable, because you've been out of the workforce for a very long time in the effort to raise healthy, confident, children, even in a pandemic…and heck, maybe you truly are unemployable in the traditional sense, please realize that your skills ARE transferable, they CAN be deployed in many other ways, whether you resign yourself to pivoting to work for someone else or you continue to work for yourself.
You just have to keep telling yourself this over and over and over again: Your skills are valid and transferable.
You are exhausted, and spiritually bereft, but you have to keep grinding and keep trying and keep moving ahead.
Because no one is going to help you go forward. Not a single person. You have to help yourself. There is a famous saying that the Lord helps those who help themselves.
You've got to be number one to YOU and you don't always have to show perfection and strength in front of your children.
You have to show your children that you're human because it shows you are real and not full of social media lies, and instead you have grit and perseverance and will find a fcking way to make sht work.
This idea that a small business owner and entrepreneur mother has to be strong and say “I'm a strong woman, I can do everything!” is just a way to make you work more, and get even more exhausted than you already are so you can’t be free.
Anyway, I'm sharing my story because I am reading, and hearing and learning so much more about women like me and how little support we have to really thrive. What does it take to raise a fully financed and healthy child in the United States and also help them get through high school and then onto college? I’m still busting balls to find out what I need to do to finally set my children free from the plantation. I’m not going back without a catfight.

Only the naïve have the expectation that divorce is a simple process with a fair exit for everyone. It’s simply not true because the woman you marry is never the same woman you divorce.
Don't take legal advice from your STBX That includes opposing counsel, her family, your family and friends. Family and well-intentioned friends are notoriously horrible at giving legal advice during divorce. Your soon-to-be-ex didn’t wake up one day with perfect knowledge of the legal system. She has a gaggle of divorced hens whispering in her ear what’s good *for her*. Your STBX does not have your best interests at heart.
Divorce is not the time for DIY. Save the do-it-yourself mentality for home improvement projects.
Each divorce has it's own circumstances.
Each court has it's own nuances.
Each state has it's own laws.
Going through the crucible of divorce is like trying to navigate your way through a minefield. You need an expert with insight to guide you through the danger zone. You get one chance to get divorce right, so you want results not a bargain. If you don’t use an attorney now, you’ll be paying multiples of time, attention and money later when you pay the idiot tax for not doing it right the first time. That assumes you even have the grounds to revisit your marital settlement agreement or parenting plan, which you won’t if opposing counsel did their job. In the long run, it’s more expensive to get divorced without an attorney. Between non-durable stipulations, lopsided agreements and continued financial entanglements men without representation find themselves in a never-ending nightmare of court actions.
Being pro se while your STBX is represented by an attorney is like bringing a knife to a gun fight. You will not be entitled to any leeway from the rules of civil procedure. The pro se party will be repeatedly asked if they understand proceedings. While some judges may nurse a pro se party along out of sympathy, most judges are annoyed with the delays it costs the court’s calendar. Have you read the rules of evidence? Do you know if everything you have is admissible? Do you know how to formulate your questions? Do you know the rules of procedure? What about the local rules? Missteps with the rules of evidence and rules of procedure can sideswipe your divorce action, making all your hard work for naught.
And you can expect opposing counsel to repeatedly flip between treating you like counsel and going personal on you to get under your skin. Opposing counsel can simply use civil procedure to bury you. Opposing counsel is also only obligated to communicate with the pro se party in the courtroom, in front of the judge, on the record. Opposing counsel is an officer of the court. The pro se party is not, and not bound by oath, and therefore cannot be trusted.
If you start pro se, it's not going to be easy to find representation later. Many attorneys do not want to deal with whatever mess you've created and would rather nope out of that situation. Divorce is already a second job. Going pro se is a third job. Consider years of education for an attorney vs. your internet skills and relying on questionable sources. I know which one I'd bet money on. There is a reason that you can't get a GED from a law school. You don't become an effective lawyer by sitting in a library. While you are learning, it will take many years of practical experience to learn what you need to know, and thus you will fail due to lack of time. Learning by doing will be a failure for you.
You should never take representing yourself in court lightly. Pro se is such a bad idea that most lawyers won't defend themselves. They'll hire other lawyers to do it for them. That's why the age-old adage exists: A lawyer who represents himself has a fool for a client. You're likely so caught up in your emotions that you don't see your own contradictions, which is common and why one should not act as their own attorney. Attorneys can be objective and emotionally detached.
You should be pro getting shit done the right way the first time. A 2009 survey showed that 56% of judges say the court is negatively impacted by the lack of fair presentation of facts in divorce cases by those who represent themselves. You never want to reopen the emotional shitstorm that is divorce. When a father has an attorney, he is likely to get more parenting time.
The only situation in which it is appropriate to not hire a divorce lawyer is if there is no kids, no property to divide, no domestic violence, and the marriage is short. There are some post-divorce matters that are well handled pro se, but custody is not one of them.
Can my wife and I share an attorney? No. An attorney can only represent one party. You want your wife to be represented, so she can’t claim duress. By duress, I mean your ex will say she did not know what she was signing and you held going public with her actions (her such as an affair) against her to make her sign something that she would not have otherwise signed. It’s a classic scenario that is used to overturn a decree or pre-nup. Your only saving grace would be if the ex signed a Waiver of Counsel when she signed the decree.
I can’t afford an attorney. Lawyers present a financial issue to many men. Like every other problem in life you encounter, you’ll need to figure out how to solve it. Funding your divorce through your credit card is a common approach. And if you think an attorney is expensive, then you haven’t looked at child support or spousal support.
The most common form of paying a lawyer is paying as you go. You usually are asked to put down some money in the form of a “retainer” to ensure you have some skin in the game and that your lawyer is also compensated. You are then billed at regular increments for any additional work your lawyer does beyond what the retainer afforded. If you refuse to pay, your lawyer simply stops working. Your attorney will refuse to work on a contingency basis because there is no guarantee they’ll get paid and they can, frankly, find a paying client elsewhere.
The average retainer in the United States is $5k, usually enough to get the filing and service of process going. The hourly rate is an indication of the local market rates, not qualification. Expect to pay for your initial consultation, and have the same amount credited towards your retainer. Avoid family law attorneys that offer free consultations. Consider how you would feel if your attorney was spending time giving away free advice while burning through your retainer answering your questions and concerns.
If your only reason for not hiring an attorney is to save money, you are wrong. Change your thinking from "I can't afford a lawyer" to "How do I afford a lawyer?”
What about legal aid? Do attorneys do pro-bono divorces? Legal aid is not a reliable or viable source of legal representation in the world of divorce. It’s more like the lottery: Only a handful of folks win. Metro areas may have legal assistance programs that function as a clearing house for pro-bono work, vetting the clients for the attorney. Usually it’s for a new attorney or a firm that needs the publicity. Only a fraction of the people who apply actually get representation. If you refer to any of these program’s websites, the issue of violence and abuse is used in both selection and marketing their successful work with political correctness.
What about online divorce sites? An on-line site cannot be licensed to practice law. Therefore as a function of law, you need a relationship with an actual attorney licensed and admitted to the Bar in your state to receive legal advice. Commonly these online sites are actually multi-level marketing schemes. The concept of using an on-line service to complete a highly complex document such as a mediated settlement agreement is ridiculous. Only a fool would do that. You wouldn’t take your own appendix out with directions you downloaded from the internet. All you need is a sharp razor, some dental floss, crazy glue and a bottle of whiskey. The trick is drinking enough whiskey to dull the pain an boost your courage, while still having enough whiskey to create an aseptic field for the incision. You face the single greatest legal challenge of your lifetime. At risk is everything you own and may earn into the future.
Should I ask this sub for attorney recommendations? No. Consider for a moment there are 700k+ divorces in the US each year, across 3k jurisdictions. If even a fraction of those men came here asking for recommendations for a certain county, those requests would drown out all other conversations in this sub. It's simply not practical to ask here.
What kind of attorney do I need to retain? Some attorneys are “general practitioners” who take any case that comes in their door. General law attorneys cannot be proficient in all the case law for all the areas that they practice. These types of attorneys are missing out on the years of experience and familiarity with family courts that an attorney who specializes in domestic litigation can provide. Family court is its own animal, and you must have an attorney familiar with the lay of the land to navigate the system effectively. If they practice family law exclusively, an attorney has appeared in all the neighboring jurisdictions as a matter of good business. They will know your judge, and the sentiment of the court. Family law is complex, fluid and driven by forces within the courtroom more than the written law. There is a huge Divorce-Industrial-Complex that consists of third-party professionals involved daily that fundamentally drive much of a divorce – guardian ad litem, custody evaluators and mediators, for example.
Family law and limited criminal law are a reasonable combination of specialties. They are often comingled in an actual divorce matter when a restraining order or criminal accusation is involved.
Compare lawyers to doctors. You wouldn't want a brain surgeon to give you a vasectomy. The brain surgeon is a really intelligent and competent doctor, just not the one you need. What you want is an attorney who is good enough that they can make a living at it with some choice in clients. If the attorney takes any case that walks in the door, then you have a problem attorney.
What about “Father’s Rights” attorneys? It’s a marketing tactic pandering to the emotions of consumers, not a specific type of practice. There is no specialized skill to representing dads in a divorce that requires a different type of attorney. There is little difference representing a mother or father in court because the focus is on the best interests of the child.
It’s marketing designed to target the party most likely to be financially stable in a divorce. It’s simply good business sense for the attorney to work with a client that has the capacity to pay the bills regularly. Also men tend to adhere to what an attorney suggests more than women. So naturally if an attorney has the choice of the father or the mother, the father is the preferred client.
How Do I Find An Attorney?
The most effective way to find an attorney is to observe them in court before you hire them. Many attorneys are great salespeople and will tell you exactly what you want to hear in a consultation in order to get you to cut them a check for the retainer. Before you cut that check, watch a case of theirs and see how they do representing a man in court.
Make a trip to your county courthouse. Inquire with the clerk of the court for the weekly schedule, the courts generally have a standing schedule to hear certain matters on certain days. You would be specifically interested in the initial hearings such as temporary orders and the custody debates that might be associated. If you can visit a TRO or restraining order hearing, it would really let you peek into the dark side.
Look at the docket sheet posted outside of the family courtrooms. Along with the parties' names, their attorney's names will be posted. See which attorney names appear the most frequently. Those are the litigators. Sit in and watch some cases. Ask the bailiff first. Tell him you're getting divorced and want to learn the process by sitting in quietly. It's a good idea to go on several different days of the week.
Look for the attorney that gets the most reverence and respect from the other attorneys in the hallway and the one that has confidence in how he walks in the hallway, holds himself in court, and in how he speaks with the judge. You want someone who a walks like a rooster with his chin to the sky with a cocky smile on his face. You want the guy who has the confidence to tell the judge what the law said, and what he was there to make happen, with confidence that he'd get it.
Spending a day observing court will also dispel your fear, uncertainty and doubt about the court system. You’ve probably never been to court outside of jury selection or perhaps traffic court. Just walking through the courthouse security screening, getting the lay of the land, finding the bathroom and not having a pending matter will seriously help you the day you actually have to appear.
Referrals are the lifeblood of attorneys:
o Make friends with the court clerk. Ask them who they would use if they were divorcing.
o If you have a friend who practices law, ask them which attorney they would use if they were divorcing.
o If you have a divorced friend, ask them which attorney they used.
o Ask your primary care physician, he likely knows a good divorce attorney inside and out.
The internet is not a recommended source for attorney referrals Attorneys can pay review sites for advantaged positioning. Also, good luck finding bad reviews. Attorneys often threaten those sites to remove or revise bad reviews. Rather than rely on review sites, check with the supreme court of your state and see if the attorney has had any disciplinary action.
What about finding an attorney for multi-state or international divorce? Many attorneys near major military installations are licensed in multiple states because they deal with military divorce. International divorces are complex and specialized. You’re going to have to call around and find out who has experience dealing with the other country.
How many attorneys should I initially consult with? Too many guys pick the first lawyer they find, accept whatever they are told, plunk down the retainer and think it's like ordering a pizza. Do not interview just one attorney. Interview at least three, and better that you interview five different lawyers. Do not consider the consult fee charged by an attorney as a barrier, better attorneys can be selective and paying the attorney excludes your wife from using that attorney. If your attorney identifies another attorney that should not be used by the wife then make sure you get a paid consult with the unwanted attorney. Paying an hour’s billable rate to keep a ball-busting, hard-hitting, man-hating, blood-sucking attorney from working for your wife is priceless.
Does it matter if my attorney is male or female? There is a myth that a husband using female attorney will soften the approach on their wife, and that using a male attorney is somehow beating up on the wife. The same mythical thinking applies to appearances of the husband in front of the judge, with a female attorney somehow buffering the process.
The marriage dynamic, where the wife was in charge, can carry over to the attorney-client relationship where the husband is fearful of an angry woman. He doesn’t want to make his female attorney mad, so he just goes along without questioning things. If you fear your wife, then you're going to have difficulties working with another female authority figure like an attorney. It's a psychological term called identity fusion. If you can't challenge your wife's opinions, then you will be unable to manage a female attorney. Contrary to popular belief, *you* own your divorce, not your attorney. So if you can't collaborate effectively with your counsel, then you are torpedoing your case before it even starts. The man who is afraid of his wife, the man who is afraid of his own mother, the man who is afraid of female bias, the man who is afraid of monsters under the bed -- that man cannot manage a woman. Male attorneys are very important for the guy who needs to get his balls back.
Also, if you believe your spouse has a personality disorder such as NPD or BPD, then there's also the concern with triangulation. When a third person like a female attorney or new girlfriend injects themselves into the custody situation, the response by the spouse with the personality disorder is to attack that third person with far greater force than the original dispute. Call it a turf war - the mother does not want the woman on her turf, and the kids are her turf. Similar circumstances occur when a Good Samaritan might try to help stop a street fight, and the fighters turn on the Samaritan and inflict greater harm than the original fight.
When triangulation happens, your attorney fees skyrocket:
Mother-daughter duo + female attorney = $$
Mother-therapist duo + female attorney = $$$
Mother-grandmother duo + female attorney = $$$$
The results of adding a strong female attorney, creating a triangulation, will be a catfight. The guy that doesn’t have the balls to reign back his female attorney gets clocked financially.
How old should my attorney be? If you have children, you want an attorney young enough who is still going to be practicing until your kids are adults. Otherwise you’ll have to find a new attorney should you find yourself back in court for round two after the divorce. The old veteran isn't going to try a new and risky approach because it isn't his style, or fit his methods, or that just isn't done. The old veteran often has back-channel communications and prestige which can be very important, and certainly shouldn't be overlooked.
Family law judges have a high turn-over rate if for no other reason than the presiding judge rotating the duties. The 5 year and 30 year lawyer know the same history about a judge's track record as much as it will matter to the current cases. You don't need the 30-year veteran to tell you how the judge appointed 3 years ago will rule. So the 30-year veteran isn’t your best choice.
Private Investigator If you hire the PI yourself their report will be open to discovery. The fact that you hired one is open to discovery. What you told them and what they told you is open to discovery. If a PI is hired through your attorney then it falls under attorney work product doctrine.
How do you find a private investigator? Through your attorney. If you are contemplating hiring a PI and your attorney doesn’t have a working relationship with a PI firm then you should probably reevaluate either your need for a PI, your attorney or both.
Litigator vs Mediator There are two kinds of family law attorneys: Litigators and mediators. Your attorney has one job, to litigate: Trial experience, deposition ability, attention to detail and civil procedure. The ability to litigate is the greatest defining factor of an attorney. You want someone who has taken their client's goals all the way to the judge, with the ability to present your matter with persuasion and rational arguments. An attorney that does not fear going to trial, and prepares the case for trial from the onset. Believe it or not, heading to trial is the fastest and cheapest way to divorce. Going to trial is not “going to war”, or crushing, or acrimonious, it is simply exercising the system as intended.
A litigator can mediate your settlement, while preparing for trial; but a mediator cannot prepare for trial while mediating a settlement. You'll handle the negotiations if the wifey wants to talk. You need an attorney who can take the matter to trial and not be intimidated by the courtroom.‬‬‬‬‬‬ The last thing you want is an attorney that struggles in front of a judge during hearings. You want an attorney who feels comfortable in court when you’re fighting for time with your children. Your attorney must know the local court system. You want an attorney who is experienced enough with your particular judge that they have a good idea on how your judge will rule. This knowledge is vital in negotiations because you will know when to walk away.
So how do you tell if an attorney is a litigator? Depositions are the litigator’s tool, so ask them how soon they will depose your STBX. Litigators will answer the question without hesitation. Mediators will pause, pontificate, and push back. Only about 5% of divorces end in a trial. That means very few attorneys are actually experienced in the trial process.
A pending court date is most likely to bring parties to an agreement. And if fear of court is one party's weakness, the other party will capitalize on it. Nothing brings out the agreement in entitled women like climbing the courthouse steps. About 95% of divorces are finalized before trial, often right outside the courtroom at the eleventh hour. Statistically speaking, dads win at trial more than moms according to a study published by the state of Washington.
Questions To Ask An Attorney
• How long have you been a lawyer?
• What is your primary area of practice?
• Do you have any other practice areas?
• What percentage of your caseload is dedicated to divorce?
• How many years of experience in divorces cases do you have?
• What is your trial experience? You can ask how many depositions they’ve done, which is a clear indicator of their ability to go to trial.
• Have you handled cases with issues similar to mine?
• Do you have a heavy caseload and do you have time for my case? You want someone who's busy enough that it's clear that they're successful and in demand, but not so busy that they won't have time to devote to your case. Beware of attorneys who have too much unbillable time on their hands, they'll be happy to fill it up with unproductive billable work on your behalf.
• Have you handled many divorce cases in my county?
• What is the divorce process in my county?
• What are the likely obstacles and issues in my case?
• What are my alternatives in resolving the issues?
• Is there any process you would recommend and why?
• Approximately how long will the process take?
• What are your rates and how often will you bill me? You should receive a statement once a month with all billable hours. You want to understand ahead of time how often your attorney bills: One-tenth of an hour incremenets? One-quarter?
• Who else in the office will be working on my case and what is their rate?
• What are the costs I can expect in this case?
• What are the legal fees I can expect in this case?
• 16 Will the lawyer accept payments on any outstanding balance;
• How will you keep me informed of the progress in my case?
• What is your policy about returning phone calls or responding to emails? Within 48 business hours is usually reasonable.
• What kind of approach do think is appropriate and why - aggressive and unyielding, or cooperative.
• Is there anything I can do to keep my legal fees down?
• If your life depended on it and you could not represent yourself, who would want representing you in divorce? Then interview that attorney too.
Red Flags Good attorneys are busy people. So it is often difficult to contact them or schedule an appointment. That is to be expected. But when an attorney:
• Doesn't show up for a hearing or trial;
• Doesn't provide copies of discovery, motions, and other critical documents to their clients;
• Doesn't bother to subpoena witnesses or file critical motions;
• Hasn't bothered to read correspondence or the case file,
• Doesn't bother to notify their clients that they need to appear on given date and time in specified court;
• Tells their client that attendance at a hearing isn't necessary; or
• Shows up unprepared at a hearing or trial,
One doesn’t need to imagine they are dealing with incompetence or a crook.
If an attorney tells you to settle instead of fighting for what you want, ditch them. If your attorney thinks you’re a second-class parent and isn’t deserving of 50% parenting time, ditch them. You want someone that's on board with your goals.
Can my attorney base fees on outcomes in domestic relations/custody/family law? No, it’s unethical for attorneys to represent a track record or otherwise offer a probability for the outcome. Attorney performance is not measured. Any attorney that would tell you otherwise asking to be sanctioned, suspended or disbarred.

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Fabulous Moolah vs. Velvet McIntyre – WWF Women’s Championship (WrestleMania II) - DUD
Lita vs. Jazz vs. Trish Stratus – WWF Women’s Championship (WrestleMania XVIII) - (-1) Star
Chyna vs. Ivory – WWF Women’s Championship (WrestleMania XVII) - (-1) Star
Terri Runnels vs. The Kat – Catfight with Val Venis as the special guest referee (WrestleMania XVI) - (-1) Star
Sable vs. Tori – WWF Women’s Championship (WrestleMania XV) - (-2) Stars
(WrestleMania 36 matches were not rated)

Short book written over 20 years ago, but it features a ton of stories from lesser known promotions in the 80s and some good dirt and gossip from the 90s.
As always, it's in chronological order. I hope you enjoy some of the stories...
Missy hilariously says she was born in "nineteen-sixty-none-of-your-buisness! John Kennedy was president, and that's all you need to know."
Missy says she was teased a lot in high school, but after getting on TV, those same people would approach her at Walmart trying to be friendly. Missy would pretend to not remember them and then offer to autograph the box of pampers they were buying. Two pages in, and it's clear that this woman is awesome.
Missy says she first tried bleaching her hair blonde when she was 15 years old, dumping literal laundry bleach all over her head. It didn't work out as she hoped.
Missy didn't grow up a wrestling fan, but randomly got hooked when she was 16, and her dad was channel surfing the TV. She made him stop on an episode of a Georgia Championship Wrestling and loved it so much that she knew she wanted to be part of that world.
She had a crush on Tommy Rich, and she made a note to say she was 18 when she attended her first wrestling show. Because she wound up going down on Tommy in his car after the show.
She says she went to every wrestling show for months until Dory Funk's girlfriend asked her to start selling programs, and that was her first in to the business.
Missy's first wrestler boyfriend was Jake Roberts, which, as you can imagine, was eventful. She said she was young and naive and didn't realize he was a coke head for the first few months, but eventually, she tried with him one night at a club.
Jake Roberts liked to send Missy into bars and wait for some guy to try and chat her up, just so Jake can march in and make a big show about scaring the guy off. Missy called it psycho.
Missy says Jake was trying to get her into the wrestling buisness and even pitched an angle where she could attack him, but it never happened because Jake was worried they would be seen together out in public and kill the town. She laughs at this because a month later, Jake broke up with her.
She says she didn't take the breakup well because a week later, she went and slept with Jake's best friend, Road Warrior Hawk. She also says she got a boob job after the breakup.
A year later, Missy met John Tatum before he worked for Mid-Atlantic Wrestling, and they started dating. She notes how John was a better golfer than wrestler and would have been more successful if we went into pro golf.
Missy and John moved in together when John got a job working for Fritz Von Erich in World Class Championship Wrestling.
Missy saw a magazine article saying WWF was looking for a valet to pair with Randy Savage, so she sent a picture and a note in. WWF booker George Scott actually called her, and they spoke on the phone about the possibility of Missy managing Savage but she never heard back. Savage was able to get his real life wife the gig, so she was never going to get it.
News of this got to Fritz Von Erich, though, and he called her into a meeting where he decided to pair her with John and his valet. When Fritz asked what she wanted to be called, she blurted out "Constance" and immediately regretted it. Her name was Melissa, and John called her Missy, which Fritz liked, so that was that. Missy Hyatt was almost named Constance.
Missy says her first paycheck from Fritz was for $50, and she was jacked because it was essentially for just 5 minutes of work. She still has the pay stub. Some nights, she would make $200, but her biggest payday for just 5 mins of work was $1200, apparently.
Missy says John couldn't cut promos, and when he talked, it sounded like he had a mouth full of marbles, so she was immediately cutting promos for the both of them. She was initially terrified but said she fell into being a character the second the camera came on.
Missy said she came up with all her ringside antics, like looking bored when a rest hold happened or literally turning her back and filing her nails when John was getting beat up. She said she would routinely insult the front row audience members and even have John take one of their chairs for her before the match for heat.
Valerie "Sunshine" French was the one who taught Missy how to work and brawl. Missy says the first night they did a roll around cat fight, Missy started to crack up and laugh. An irate Sunshine yelled at her backstage, saying next time she'll rip her hair out for real. Missy says they both started laughing at how absurd everything was.
Missy remembers one night when a little old lady smacked her in the back of the head with a purse. She also remembers one night when several fans jumped the rail and got on top of her. She said she covered up, and it took security about 10 seconds to clear them.
Missy says peanut butter works best when trying to get gum out of your hair.
Missy says backstage, John would have her sit in the corner facing the wall for a lot of times.
Missy thought "kayfabe" was a name the boys called her before John eventually explained it.
Missy says John made her do literally all the driving from town to town.
Missy says the weirdest rib she got was from Buddy Roberts of the Free Birds. He snuck into the shower while she was in there, climbed up on the ceiling, and tried to pee on her. She was mortified, but John just laughed and said the Free Birds pee on people they like, and she should be honored.
Missy says a lot of wrestlers don't like having valets because they usually take attention away from them and distract the audience too much during matches.
WCCW booker Ken Mantel left the Von Erich ran organization for Universal Wrestling Federation in 1986, and he was able to convince the Freebirds, John Tatum and Missy Hyatt to come along with him. Missy said she felt guilty leaving Fritz, who got her the first big break of her career, but Ken liked booking John and Missy, so they went where the work was. Bill Watts was in charge and signed both John and Missy to $50,000 a year deals.
Missy says she never got along with Bill Watts and suggests it's because his son Eric had a massive crush on her. Missy would leverage this crush, bet her eyes at him, and Eric would literally do her laundry. Bill probably hated how much of a simp his son turned into around her.
Before coming to UWF, Missy says she heard Lynda "Dark Journey" Newton was a coke head. She throws a lot of shade at Dark Journey, saying, "She had no experience - unless blowing Dick Slater counts as experience." Dick Slater was Dark Journey's one-time boyfriend who got her into the business.
Missy says Dark Journey cheated on Dick Slater with a young Steve "Sting" Borden. Alledgedly, Slater found out and beat the shit out of Sting in the locker room at a show. Missy says Sting took the beating because he knew he was caught and because Slater had connections and could have ruined Sting at that point, according to Missy. Slater left the UWF a week or 2 later.
Missy says Dark Journey didn't know how to work and would legitimately beat her up every night. Missy was the heel, so she usually got beat up, and with Dark Journey, Missy says she would just snap and shoot for real most of the time.
Missy says this happens to a lot of guys who get all amped up, hear the crowd, and just sorta go nuts on their opponents. She says she knew a few guys in ECW who wouldn't step in the ring with Taz.
Missy says in the 6 months she worked with Dark Journey, Dark Journey broke Missy's thumb, chipped 2 of her teeth, and ripped out so much hair that Missy had a bald spot. It's here in the book that Missy reiterates again that she heard Dark Journey was a coke head, but never asked her about it.
Eddie Gilbert was a manager and sometimes wrestler who would help out with booking ideas. He was the one to pair himself and Missy her backing John Tatum and Jack Victory, while Eddie would manage Sting and Steiner. Missy stresses that it was a professional pairing because both were in relationships at the time. But soon, the sexual tension they had would boil over on camera with even the announcers mentioning it.
Missy says her relationship with John deteriorated over time to the point where she would go out of her way to not be around him. Missy and Eddie Gilbert would start seeing each there, and Missy would leave John.
Despite the fact that she and John broke up, booker Ken Mantel insisted they work together still, and since her team was fueding with Eddie's team, Bill Watts said he would fine or fire both of them if the fans saw them together. So Eddie and Missy had to sneak around a lot.
Missy lived in an apartment complex where a ton of fans also lived, so Eddie would have to sneak over. One night, while cooking dinner, she tripped the smoke detector, and the building had to evacuate everyone. Everyone except Eddie, who hid in the closest, inhaling smoke the whole time.
Missy says John was very mean to her while they worked together after the break up, until Missy finally threatened to quit. So Ken Mantell was able to cook up an angle where Missy joined Eddie's team and betrayed John.
She said the heat she got from the fans for betraying John was wild, and the UWF had to hire extra security for her matches and appearances. One night, an old lady grabbed her, and after security wrestled her away, they apparently found a butcher knife on the woman. She was ready to kill Missy Hyatt of all people.
Jim Crockett purchased the UWF in 1987, and Ken Mantell quit his job as booker, so Eddie and Missy wanted to be safe and mailed photos to Vince McMahon and the WWF. Vince called Missy personally to invite her and Eddie to New York to talk. Eddie spent the whole plane ride talking all excitedly about being the next Roddy Piper and getting way too excited. When they landed, Vince made it clear that although he was happy to hire Eddie in whatever role Eddie wanted, Vince wanted Missy. He told her how she would host her own Pipers Pit type show and get her own "Missy doll" and how she would be a star.
Missy says Eddie was obviously hurt and upset by this, and on the plane ride home, Eddie told Missy to take Vince's offer, but Eddie would be staying in the UWF where he was already offered Ken Mantell's role as the new booker. Missy was sad and crying, but Eddie insisted she should "go get that doll."
Jim Crockett technically didn't take ownership of UWF for a few months, and Bill Watts hated Vince, so he refused to let Missy out of her contract. He tried lying and saying he owned the name Missy Hyatt (he didn't) and was refusing to let her go, despite the fact that he was literally selling his promotion. Missy called Vince, who put her on the phone with Vince's wife, Linda McMahon. Linda was a lawyer who explained to Missy that they would help her. Eventually, Vince called Jim Crockett, who talked to Bill Watts, who eventually let Missy out of her contract. But Bill fined her $500 for missing a couple of shows while dealing with this fiasco.
She said the situation taught her a valuable lesson about trademarks, because she went out immediately and trademarked her name so no one could fuck with her. Good for her for doing that before the WWF tried!
Hilariously, Missy says years later, she fucked Bill Watts son, Eric, and then made him do her laundry one last time. She then rhetorically asks "How do you like that, Cowboy?"
In her final appearance, Missy wrestled a 4 way over the top rope match with Sunshine, Dark Journey and one other girl. She wanted revenge on Dark Journey for being so stiff all those months, so she had Eddie Gilbert show her some simple stretches she could slap on Journey. Unfortunately though Missy couldn't execute them correctly, and when Sunshine noticed what she was doing, Sunshine moved to the spot where she eliminates Missy. On her way out, Missy kicked Dark Journey so hard that Missy broke one of her toes.
The first time Missy met NBC Sports President Dick Ebersol, she thought he was a limo driver and made him carry her luggage. When she asked Vince how much should I tip that guy, pointing at Ebersol, Vince had a good laugh, then introduced him to her with his full name. Missy still didn't know who he was and told Vince, "Yeah, he already introduced himself." Vince again had a good laugh at this. She said she didn't know who he was until a month later when she saw him in a newspaper.
Missy was at dinner with Vince when Dick Ebersol asked to be part of the next Wrestlemania. Later that night when they were away from Ebersol, Vince had a big laugh at how "everybody wants to be part of Wrestlemania, but we don't need him!"
The first time she hosted her talk show Missy's Manor, she didn't know her guest, Honky Tonk Man, wasn't miked and she was supposed to hold the mic infront of his face. Jimmy Hart was off to the side trying to get her attention until Honky Tonk Man just leaned forward and grabbed the mic from her.
She also may have made a mistake when she asked Honky Tonk Man why he never actually plays the guitar. I guess he looked at her, stunned for a few seconds, until a panicked Jimmy Hart jumped in and took over the interview. Missy was mortified that her first segment bombed.
After a few more bad interviews, Vince pulled the plug, but promised Missy they would find something else for her. She said she had ideas on how to improve the interview segments, but was too nervous to speak up.
Vince wanted her to do an angle with Honky Tonk Man, but didn't know where it would actually go past the initial confrontation. When Missy told her boyfriend Eddie Gilbert about this, he was dead set against her and Honky Tonk Man working together in any way. Missy says she never did find out the reason.
Vince had also wanted her to be one of those random girls that accompanied random wrestlers to the ring. Eddie talked her out of that too, saying Missy doesn't share the spotlight with other girls. Eventually Eddie convinced her to come back to the UWF, so after a 2 month stint in WWF, Missy quit because she loved Eddie and genuinely didn't like the stuff Vince had in mind after the talk show idea fell apart.
She says Vince was very sweet and understanding when she quit and told her she could call him up if she wanted to work for the WWF again. She says she did actually call him up, nearly a decade later in 1997, begging for a job. She says Vince also let her keep all the clothes they bought for her in the few months she worked for the WWF.
Missy says she wished she could rag on Vince, but the truth is that he was always very sweet to her and did give her an opportunity to be a star. The only gossip or dirt she had was that apparently you could always see the lines of his underwear through his pants, and that his shirt was always noticeably bunched up under his belt at the front of his pants. She said "That always skeeved me about Vince."
Missy says the first time she saw a Sable doll in a toy isle at WalMart, she freaked out and started throwing them around the isle until the manager kicked her out. She never got her Missy doll.
Jim Crockett busted her chops when she came back the UWF saying "aren't you that big WWF star?" They had a good laugh before Missy formally asked for her job back. Jim said of course and sent her to talk to Dusty Rhodes, who was over seeing creative/ booking.
Missy was paired alongside Jim Ross for commentary work. She said she liked it more than interviewing people and that Jim Ross would call the moves and do analysis, she was just required to be entertaining.
Missy and Eddie Gilbert got married durring a Halloween Party in 1988, and they didn't tell their guests. They threw a "Halloween" party, where they dressed up as a bride and groom, and halfway through a real legit Justice of the Peace shows up to officiate and all their friends and colleagues are stunned. She said it was actually video tapped and traded around amongst wrestling fans for years. She makes a note in the book that she would love a copy if anyone has one floating around.
Eddie Gilbert didn't like working under Dusty Rhodes as booker when the UWF was folded into the NWA. So when Jerry Lawler to book for United States Wrestling Association in Memphis, he said yes immediately. Of course Missy went with him.
Memphis was a step down though since it wasn't broadcast on cable and Missy said she started to become a bit of a prima donna in Memphis, due to her exposure in bigger promotions.
Missy talks about how Eddie Gilbert idolized Jerry Lawler, and says after several months of working for Lawler in USWA, she was able to convince Lawler to give her one of his crowns. She gave it to Eddie as a gift and she says he wore it all over the house and was like a kid on Christmas morning. She says there is a great picture of him smiling and wearing the crown, and that picture is now engraved on Eddie's Tombstone. I personally don't know a lot about Eddie Gilbert, but Missy does a wonderful job at endearing the reader towards him and their relationship.
Missy says Jerry Jarret and Jerry Lawler would tale turns booking Memphis, swapping out of the role every 6 months.
Missy call Jerry Jarrett a "piece of work" and says his face should be pictured next to the word "redneck." She says he would spit tobacco into a cup on his desk all the time and through meetings.
Missy says Eddie Gilbert was offered "head booker" position for Continental Wrestling Federation in Montgomery, Alabama and he immediately took it. Missy of course went with him but finished up in Memphis without Eddie for a couple weeks.
Missy recalls a night when Eddie was working out of town and she was at home Eddie returned the next day without his wallet or wedding ring, but he had a "story" he told about how he left that stuff in the hotel room, and went out to eat. When he came back, his wallet and ring were gone. Missy questioned why he would leave to eat without his wallet, and she knew his routine. If he took his ring off, he also took his Rolex off and stored everything in a fanny pack. The story didn't add up and Missy couldn't let it go.
Missy called around to wrestlers wives asking if they hear any stories, and while no one had anything on Eddie, she did hear about Sid Vicious getting robbed in the same town. Apparently, Sid met a girl and took her back to his hotel room, but somewhere along the way, the girl spiked his drink. By the time they got to the hotel room, Sid was woozy and passed out, allowing this girl to rob him blind. Missy figures the same thing happened to Eddie, that he took off his wedding ring to pick up a girl and got drugged and ripped off. She never confronted him about it, but didn't let it go either.
A month later Missy says she cheated on Eddie with Dr Tom Pritchard. They were working a program together and both very attracted to one another. After a show one night the two had sex in a car parked outside the venue, as fans and other wrestlers walked by and saw the rocking car and foggy windows. Everyone in the organization knew, so of course Eddie knew. Just like Missy never confronted Eddie on his infidelity, Eddie never confronted her either. They were both just silent and angry and hurt.
When Crockett Promotion was bought and turned into WCW, Dusty Rhodes reached back out to Eddie, wanting him on the booking team to go head to head with the WWF. Again Eddie said yes, so he and Missy were headed back to Georgia. Missy and Eddie would end up each getting 2 year contracts with WCW.
Missy says Kevin Sullivan hated Eddie Gilbert and would routinely undermine him on the booking committee and ensure his idea's got rejected.
Missy says it would be a waste to talk about Kevin Sullivan, so she just tells a funny story about running into his wife Nancy (the future Nancy Benoit) after Nancy and Kevin split up. Missy made a comment to Nancy about how good she looks and Nancy attributed that to no longer being with Kevin. Missy then told Nancy that when Kevin Sullivan dies, Missy wants to dance on his grave. Apparently, Nancy responded with "That's going to be a long conga line."
Missy remembers the first time she met Ted Turner, apparently he asked to meet her because people were waving Jim over to her saying "she's over here!" Missy reached her hand out to shake his, but Ted wrapped his arms around her waste, pulled her in close and said "Baby, wanna mud wrestle?" Then he grabbed her ass. Yikes. She called him a redneck and noted how this was while Ted was single, but still calls it gross.
Missy calls Ric Flair a "big perv" who creeped her out on a regular basis. He would talk about pubic hair all the time and told people he wouldn't sleep with a woman who shaves down there. He had a saying, "No hair, no Flair."
Missy says she and others used to play a drinking game while watching Lex Kuger wrestle. They would take a drink anytime Lex touches his crotch while wrestling. She says Lex would routinely adjust himself in the ring and they would drink themselves under the table very quickly with this game.
Miss says their marriage never recovered from the cheating and Eddie was miserable in WCW where none of his booking ideas got off the ground. One time Eddie thought he was going to join the Four Horseman before that plan fell through as well, and Missy suspects Kevin Sullivan had something to do there.
Missy says in the summer of 1989, Eddie left her. He moved out of town, quit his job and just left. They had 2 dogs, Missy kept one and Eddie took the other. She was caught off guard by how calm and relaxed Eddie was while finally leaving her.
Missy met Mark "Buff" Bagwell at an apartment complex she was looking at moving into. She is the one who told him he should get into wrestling, and we can all thank Missy Hyatt for exposing the world to Buff Bagwell. She moved in next door to him and was kinda bummed to find he had a girlfriend, and really irritated at how thin the walls of the apartment complex were.
Missy says Jim Ross set her up with a football player for the Atlanta Falcons named Bill Fralic and a month later, Eddie sent her divorce papers.
Eddie would randomly show up at her apartment complex early one morning. He hopped the gate and rushed the house, angry that Missy was seeing someone else. He apparently knocked over Bagwell's BBQ grill, thinking it was the new boyfriends. Eddie then stormed into the house yelling "where is he!?" But Bill Fraloc was almost a foot taller than Eddie and over 70 pounds bigger, so when Bill woke up and came out asking "do we have a problem?" A deflated Eddie actually said "No, your the football player right? I'm a big fan." Eddie and Bill talked for a bit before they shook hands and Eddie left.
Missy says she and Bill broke up a month or 2 later, but that started her "football player kick" where she dated a dozen or so NFL players over the next couple years.
Missy dated "The Wonder Years" star Jason Hervey for 2 years and calls him the best boyfriend she ever had. He was 18 and she was 26, he was about 4 inches shorter than her, but she seemed to genuinely love the time they spent together.
Missy remembers how the wrestlers in WCW would all make fun of Jason Hervey behind his back, but then all suck up to him in person and try to get a spot on The Wonder Years. She says Eric Bichsoff was the worst because he hounded Jason everytime he was backstage at a show.
Missy cheated on Jason with a hockey player Rod Brind'Amour, who presently coaches the Carolina Hurricanes. She said he was ripped, but she had to mentally put a bag over his head because of how messed up his face was from playing hockey. She confessed to Jason a week later, and they broke up.
Missy says Jason was only 21 when they broke up and handled it as badly as you expect a 21 year old kid to react. After Eddie Gilbert, she wasn't ready for how emotional Jason got, but he eventually promised to ship all her belongings back to her home. When she got them, she found he had peed on every single box. He was very very 21 years old.
Missy says football player Jim Kelly and her flirted a ton, so when she was single she started teaching out to him. Jim Kelly played for the Buffalo Bills and they were set to compete in the Superbowl for the 4th year in a row and prefaced the next story by saying Jim was under a lot of stress. After their first date, Missy took him home and they started making out on the bed, before he started to shudder and said "Oh excuse me." He came in his pants, and they were just kissing. Missy says she found it was kinda sweet but he was annoyed. She doesn't say it outright but you could tell after all the flirting that she was disappointed. She makes a joke saying "No wonder the Bills never won the superbowl in those 4 years they made it." And then she said "Sorry Jim."
To Missy's credit, she calls herself a bitch a lot throughout the book and doesn't hold back on her opinions or the truth.
Missy says Eric Bishoff was pissed when she broke up with Jason, and punished her by pairing her with the Nasty Boys as their manager. Missy said at the time she suggested working with Steve Austin and Brian Pilman, thinking the Hollywood Blondes would fit will with her gimmick and look. She didn't have anything in common with The Nasty Boys though and they didn't match looks.
Missy was shocked when The Nasty Boys won the tag titles, and figures that was done because Dusty Rhodes sister-in-law was married to Jerry Sags of the Nasty Boys.
Missy says Biahoff gave her zero mic or interview time, no bits before, during or after matches, told the camera men not to shoot her and the broadcasters now to mention her.
During a PPV match, Sags got hurt, so Missy had to jump in the ring and cause the planned DQ finish. During the scuffle, hee left boob popped out in a wardrobe malfunction. A month later, Missy and Nasty Boys went to the CNN Center to pose for pictures, and outside the door to thr photography studio, there was a picture of her, with her boob hanging out, posted on the bulletin board! She was livid, snatched the photo, marched to Eric Bichoff and demanded to know who was responsible. Bishoff never got back to her, so she found someone above Bishoff, a vice president with the Turner Organization that she brought the issue to. The next day, Bishoff fired her.
Missy sued Bishoff and WCW, but it was initially over merchandising money she wasn't paid in the past couple years. She had a ton of examples of merchandise she moved and was never paid for. When she told her lawyer about the picture of her exposed boob posted in the Turner offices, the lawyer added in sexual harassment. Missy says that's when shit hit the fan.
She isn't allowed to talk about the lawsuit, legally, so all she says is "The litigation was concluded, after approximately 18 months, in December 1996, and I am very pleased with the outcome." Missy got the bag it would seem.
Missy was more or less black balled from most wrestling promotions after WCW fired her and she sued them. She spent a month indulging in pills and depression before moving to New York where, thanks to her and Eddie Gilbert's old friend Paul Heyman, she got a job as a bartender.
One night, while working at the bar, Paul Heyman called Missy, to tell her Eddie Gilbert had passed away. He wrestled a match in Puerto Rico, and then had a heart attack in his sleep and never woke up.
Missy says Eddie's dad never liked her and blamed her for all Eddie's issues after they divorced. He even blamed Missy when Eddie married Medusa for 10 minutes shortly after Eddie and Missy broke up. Missy decided she shouldn't go to the funeral if it will make her father uncomfortable. She found a picture of the 2 dogs her and Eddie had, and wrote a poem on the back of it before mailing it to Eddie's mom, along with a big flower display. The picture and poem were placed inside the casket and Missy heard her flowers were front and center. She says it was a packed house for his funeral, standing room only. She calls it "Eddie's last show, and he sold out the house."
Missy says 6 months later she had lunch with Eddie's mom and visited his grave where she was finally able to pay proper respect to the man she loved.
She makes a point here that Missy and Melissa (her real name) share a lot in common, but it wasn't Missy who married Eddie, it was Melissa. Missy didn't mourn him, Melissa did. She said the love she had for him had nothing to do with the work they did or the angles they had, it was a real connection between two people. She finishes by saying "Hot Stuff Eddie Gilbert didn't die, my ex-husband did. And it hurt."
When her lawsuit with WCW finally wrapped, she was able to work in the wrestling buisness again, so Paul Heyman immediately hired her in early 1997 in ECW.
Missy was paired with Sandman and notes how some guys didn't like to work with him because he was at least half drunk all the time and had bad body oder.
Missy says Sandman's wife accused Missy of sleeping with Sandman and even hit her with a boot once. But Missy maintains nothing happened between them and I believe her. She mentions damn near everyone she slept with in this book, from Road Warrior Hawk to Raven to a bunch of football and hockey players. She said one time while driving past a cemetery, Sandman asked her of she ever had sex on a grave and she thinks (hopes) he was only joking. That's the most sexual their conversations ever got.
Missy has nothing but good things to say about Francine in ECW, but nothing but bad things to say about Beulah. She calls Beulah a bitch and tells a story about how difficult she was when Missy wanted to shoot a calendar with the women of ECW. She makes fun of Beulah for her early days appearing an adult magazine called Cheri. Missy says Cheri made Hustler look like Reader's Digest. She does note how Beulah was quick to leave the wrestling buisness shortly after Missy got there, and tried excusing her poor attitude as someone who was looking to put wrestling behind them.
One time in the ring with Dreamer, Sandman, Beulah and another girl named Kimona, Missy got pissed when Beulah and Kimona started making out and getting all the attention. She told Sandman to pour one of his beers down the front of her chest and she says no one was looking at those 2 girls again. She finishes the story by saying "No one upstaged Missy."
Sandman's wife legit broke Missy's elbow when they were supposed to have one of those dumb cat fights. At some point Sandman's wife grabbed hold of a kendo stick and swung it as hard as possible, catching Missy in the arm and breaking her elbow. Missy says it happened because Sandman's wife was paranoid about Sandman cheating on her and took offence to some shit Missy said in a working promo.
Missy was done working like that in ECW and asked Paul Heyman if she could announce alongside Joey Styles, when he said no, she quit ECW.
She briefly worked as an announcer for the short lived American Wrestling Federation, but that promotion made no money ever and quickly shut its doors.
Missy mentions a couple relationships and flings in the book, but one of the last ones is a hookup with Val Venis. She calls it "the shortest, lamest sex I've ever had. Talk about a guys gimmick not being him!"
Missy was done with the wrestling buisness after a decade and half, and says she spent a year earning her medical technician certificate, and got a job prepping movie stars and models for boob jobs. Good for her!
The book ends with her saying she is working on her bachelor's degree with a major in psychology and a minor in political science. She was still doing the odd indi shows but hardly gets recognized on the streets anymore. This book was published in 2001 so she would have written it before then, probably in 2000.
Looking her up online she did graduate with a degree in Psychology! She did a few random indi appearances and one TNA appearance a couple years ago, but that's it.
The book ends with her listing her top 10 wrestling regrets...
Never worked a Wrestlemania for WWF.
Never got to tell Eddie Gilbert how much she admired him and how much he taught her.
Never kicked Sandman's wife's ass. She is dead serious, as of writing the book you can tell she really really wanted to.
Never slept with Sweet Stan Lane.
Never somersaulted backwards off the top rope.
Never got a tongue lashing from Gene Simmons of Kiss.
Never gave Sunshine enough credit for showing me how to catfight.
Never lewinskied Jesse Ventura.
Never studied psychology while active in the buisness.
Never got that Missy Doll.
This was a fun, and short read. Not a lot of research done on her behalf, it was all done from memory so she rarely mentioned what year the stories were taking place in and she talked a lot about hooking up with wrestlers, unafraid of naming them. I'd love to know how much she made off the WCW lawsuit though.
My previous reports, if anyone is interested...
Andre the Giant book
Hulk Hogan book
Bret Hart book
Bruce Hart book
History of Stampede Wrestling book
Owen Hart death as documented in various different books
Montreal Screwjob as documented in various different books
History of the Hart Family as documented in various books
Roddy Piper book
Gorgeous George book part 1
Gorgeous George book part 2
Billy Graham book
The Young Bucks book
Jim Ross 2nd book
Brock Lesnar book

Short book written over 20 years ago, but it features a ton of stories from lesser known promotions in the 80s and some good dirt and gossip from the 90s.
As always, it's in chronological order. I hope you enjoy some of the stories...
Missy hilariously says she was born in "nineteen-sixty-none-of-your-buisness! John Kennedy was president, and that's all you need to know."
Missy says she was teased a lot in high school, but after getting on TV, those same people would approach her at Walmart trying to be friendly. Missy would pretend to not remember them and then offer to autograph the box of pampers they were buying. Two pages in, and it's clear that this woman is awesome.
Missy says she first tried bleaching her hair blonde when she was 15 years old, dumping literal laundry bleach all over her head. It didn't work out as she hoped.
Missy didn't grow up a wrestling fan, but randomly got hooked when she was 16, and her dad was channel surfing the TV. She made him stop on an episode of a Georgia Championship Wrestling and loved it so much that she knew she wanted to be part of that world.
She had a crush on Tommy Rich, and she made a note to say she was 18 when she attended her first wrestling show. Because she wound up going down on Tommy in his car after the show.
She says she went to every wrestling show for months until Dory Funk's girlfriend asked her to start selling programs, and that was her first in to the business.
Missy's first wrestler boyfriend was Jake Roberts, which, as you can imagine, was eventful. She said she was young and naive and didn't realize he was a coke head for the first few months, but eventually, she tried with him one night at a club.
Jake Roberts liked to send Missy into bars and wait for some guy to try and chat her up, just so Jake can march in and make a big show about scaring the guy off. Missy called it psycho.
Missy says Jake was trying to get her into the wrestling buisness and even pitched an angle where she could attack him, but it never happened because Jake was worried they would be seen together out in public and kill the town. She laughs at this because a month later, Jake broke up with her.
She says she didn't take the breakup well because a week later, she went and slept with Jake's best friend, Road Warrior Hawk. She also says she got a boob job after the breakup.
A year later, Missy met John Tatum before he worked for Mid-Atlantic Wrestling, and they started dating. She notes how John was a better golfer than wrestler and would have been more successful if we went into pro golf.
Missy and John moved in together when John got a job working for Fritz Von Erich in World Class Championship Wrestling.
Missy saw a magazine article saying WWF was looking for a valet to pair with Randy Savage, so she sent a picture and a note in. WWF booker George Scott actually called her, and they spoke on the phone about the possibility of Missy managing Savage but she never heard back. Savage was able to get his real life wife the gig, so she was never going to get it.
News of this got to Fritz Von Erich, though, and he called her into a meeting where he decided to pair her with John and his valet. When Fritz asked what she wanted to be called, she blurted out "Constance" and immediately regretted it. Her name was Melissa, and John called her Missy, which Fritz liked, so that was that. Missy Hyatt was almost named Constance.
Missy says her first paycheck from Fritz was for $50, and she was jacked because it was essentially for just 5 minutes of work. She still has the pay stub. Some nights, she would make $200, but her biggest payday for just 5 mins of work was $1200, apparently.
Missy says John couldn't cut promos, and when he talked, it sounded like he had a mouth full of marbles, so she was immediately cutting promos for the both of them. She was initially terrified but said she fell into being a character the second the camera came on.
Missy said she came up with all her ringside antics, like looking bored when a rest hold happened or literally turning her back and filing her nails when John was getting beat up. She said she would routinely insult the front row audience members and even have John take one of their chairs for her before the match for heat.
Valerie "Sunshine" French was the one who taught Missy how to work and brawl. Missy says the first night they did a roll around cat fight, Missy started to crack up and laugh. An irate Sunshine yelled at her backstage, saying next time she'll rip her hair out for real. Missy says they both started laughing at how absurd everything was.
Missy remembers one night when a little old lady smacked her in the back of the head with a purse. She also remembers one night when several fans jumped the rail and got on top of her. She said she covered up, and it took security about 10 seconds to clear them.
Missy says peanut butter works best when trying to get gum out of your hair.
Missy says backstage, John would have her sit in the corner facing the wall for a lot of times.
Missy thought "kayfabe" was a name the boys called her before John eventually explained it.
Missy says John made her do literally all the driving from town to town.
Missy says the weirdest rib she got was from Buddy Roberts of the Free Birds. He snuck into the shower while she was in there, climbed up on the ceiling, and tried to pee on her. She was mortified, but John just laughed and said the Free Birds pee on people they like, and she should be honored.
Missy says a lot of wrestlers don't like having valets because they usually take attention away from them and distract the audience too much during matches.
WCCW booker Ken Mantel left the Von Erich ran organization for Universal Wrestling Federation in 1986, and he was able to convince the Freebirds, John Tatum and Missy Hyatt to come along with him. Missy said she felt guilty leaving Fritz, who got her the first big break of her career, but Ken liked booking John and Missy, so they went where the work was. Bill Watts was in charge and signed both John and Missy to $50,000 a year deals.
Missy says she never got along with Bill Watts and suggests it's because his son Eric had a massive crush on her. Missy would leverage this crush, bet her eyes at him, and Eric would literally do her laundry. Bill probably hated how much of a simp his son turned into around her.
Before coming to UWF, Missy says she heard Lynda "Dark Journey" Newton was a coke head. She throws a lot of shade at Dark Journey, saying, "She had no experience - unless blowing Dick Slater counts as experience." Dick Slater was Dark Journey's one-time boyfriend who got her into the business.
Missy says Dark Journey cheated on Dick Slater with a young Steve "Sting" Borden. Alledgedly, Slater found out and beat the shit out of Sting in the locker room at a show. Missy says Sting took the beating because he knew he was caught and because Slater had connections and could have ruined Sting at that point, according to Missy. Slater left the UWF a week or 2 later.
Missy says Dark Journey didn't know how to work and would legitimately beat her up every night. Missy was the heel, so she usually got beat up, and with Dark Journey, Missy says she would just snap and shoot for real most of the time.
Missy says this happens to a lot of guys who get all amped up, hear the crowd, and just sorta go nuts on their opponents. She says she knew a few guys in ECW who wouldn't step in the ring with Taz.
Missy says in the 6 months she worked with Dark Journey, Dark Journey broke Missy's thumb, chipped 2 of her teeth, and ripped out so much hair that Missy had a bald spot. It's here in the book that Missy reiterates again that she heard Dark Journey was a coke head, but never asked her about it.
Eddie Gilbert was a manager and sometimes wrestler who would help out with booking ideas. He was the one to pair himself and Missy her backing John Tatum and Jack Victory, while Eddie would manage Sting and Steiner. Missy stresses that it was a professional pairing because both were in relationships at the time. But soon, the sexual tension they had would boil over on camera with even the announcers mentioning it.
Missy says her relationship with John deteriorated over time to the point where she would go out of her way to not be around him. Missy and Eddie Gilbert would start seeing each there, and Missy would leave John.
Despite the fact that she and John broke up, booker Ken Mantel insisted they work together still, and since her team was fueding with Eddie's team, Bill Watts said he would fine or fire both of them if the fans saw them together. So Eddie and Missy had to sneak around a lot.
Missy lived in an apartment complex where a ton of fans also lived, so Eddie would have to sneak over. One night, while cooking dinner, she tripped the smoke detector, and the building had to evacuate everyone. Everyone except Eddie, who hid in the closest, inhaling smoke the whole time.
Missy says John was very mean to her while they worked together after the break up, until Missy finally threatened to quit. So Ken Mantell was able to cook up an angle where Missy joined Eddie's team and betrayed John.
She said the heat she got from the fans for betraying John was wild, and the UWF had to hire extra security for her matches and appearances. One night, an old lady grabbed her, and after security wrestled her away, they apparently found a butcher knife on the woman. She was ready to kill Missy Hyatt of all people.
Jim Crockett purchased the UWF in 1987, and Ken Mantell quit his job as booker, so Eddie and Missy wanted to be safe and mailed photos to Vince McMahon and the WWF. Vince called Missy personally to invite her and Eddie to New York to talk. Eddie spent the whole plane ride talking all excitedly about being the next Roddy Piper and getting way too excited. When they landed, Vince made it clear that although he was happy to hire Eddie in whatever role Eddie wanted, Vince wanted Missy. He told her how she would host her own Pipers Pit type show and get her own "Missy doll" and how she would be a star.
Missy says Eddie was obviously hurt and upset by this, and on the plane ride home, Eddie told Missy to take Vince's offer, but Eddie would be staying in the UWF where he was already offered Ken Mantell's role as the new booker. Missy was sad and crying, but Eddie insisted she should "go get that doll."
Jim Crockett technically didn't take ownership of UWF for a few months, and Bill Watts hated Vince, so he refused to let Missy out of her contract. He tried lying and saying he owned the name Missy Hyatt (he didn't) and was refusing to let her go, despite the fact that he was literally selling his promotion. Missy called Vince, who put her on the phone with Vince's wife, Linda McMahon. Linda was a lawyer who explained to Missy that they would help her. Eventually, Vince called Jim Crockett, who talked to Bill Watts, who eventually let Missy out of her contract. But Bill fined her $500 for missing a couple of shows while dealing with this fiasco.
She said the situation taught her a valuable lesson about trademarks, because she went out immediately and trademarked her name so no one could fuck with her. Good for her for doing that before the WWF tried!
Hilariously, Missy says years later, she fucked Bill Watts son, Eric, and then made him do her laundry one last time. She then rhetorically asks "How do you like that, Cowboy?"
In her final appearance, Missy wrestled a 4 way over the top rope match with Sunshine, Dark Journey and one other girl. She wanted revenge on Dark Journey for being so stiff all those months, so she had Eddie Gilbert show her some simple stretches she could slap on Journey. Unfortunately though Missy couldn't execute them correctly, and when Sunshine noticed what she was doing, Sunshine moved to the spot where she eliminates Missy. On her way out, Missy kicked Dark Journey so hard that Missy broke one of her toes.
The first time Missy met NBC Sports President Dick Ebersol, she thought he was a limo driver and made him carry her luggage. When she asked Vince how much should I tip that guy, pointing at Ebersol, Vince had a good laugh, then introduced him to her with his full name. Missy still didn't know who he was and told Vince, "Yeah, he already introduced himself." Vince again had a good laugh at this. She said she didn't know who he was until a month later when she saw him in a newspaper.
Missy was at dinner with Vince when Dick Ebersol asked to be part of the next Wrestlemania. Later that night when they were away from Ebersol, Vince had a big laugh at how "everybody wants to be part of Wrestlemania, but we don't need him!"
The first time she hosted her talk show Missy's Manor, she didn't know her guest, Honky Tonk Man, wasn't miked and she was supposed to hold the mic infront of his face. Jimmy Hart was off to the side trying to get her attention until Honky Tonk Man just leaned forward and grabbed the mic from her.
She also may have made a mistake when she asked Honky Tonk Man why he never actually plays the guitar. I guess he looked at her, stunned for a few seconds, until a panicked Jimmy Hart jumped in and took over the interview. Missy was mortified that her first segment bombed.
After a few more bad interviews, Vince pulled the plug, but promised Missy they would find something else for her. She said she had ideas on how to improve the interview segments, but was too nervous to speak up.
Vince wanted her to do an angle with Honky Tonk Man, but didn't know where it would actually go past the initial confrontation. When Missy told her boyfriend Eddie Gilbert about this, he was dead set against her and Honky Tonk Man working together in any way. Missy says she never did find out the reason.
Vince had also wanted her to be one of those random girls that accompanied random wrestlers to the ring. Eddie talked her out of that too, saying Missy doesn't share the spotlight with other girls. Eventually Eddie convinced her to come back to the UWF, so after a 2 month stint in WWF, Missy quit because she loved Eddie and genuinely didn't like the stuff Vince had in mind after the talk show idea fell apart.
She says Vince was very sweet and understanding when she quit and told her she could call him up if she wanted to work for the WWF again. She says she did actually call him up, nearly a decade later in 1997, begging for a job. She says Vince also let her keep all the clothes they bought for her in the few months she worked for the WWF.
Missy says she wished she could rag on Vince, but the truth is that he was always very sweet to her and did give her an opportunity to be a star. The only gossip or dirt she had was that apparently you could always see the lines of his underwear through his pants, and that his shirt was always noticeably bunched up under his belt at the front of his pants. She said "That always skeeved me about Vince."
Missy says the first time she saw a Sable doll in a toy isle at WalMart, she freaked out and started throwing them around the isle until the manager kicked her out. She never got her Missy doll.
Jim Crockett busted her chops when she came back the UWF saying "aren't you that big WWF star?" They had a good laugh before Missy formally asked for her job back. Jim said of course and sent her to talk to Dusty Rhodes, who was over seeing creative/ booking.
Missy was paired alongside Jim Ross for commentary work. She said she liked it more than interviewing people and that Jim Ross would call the moves and do analysis, she was just required to be entertaining.
Missy and Eddie Gilbert got married durring a Halloween Party in 1988, and they didn't tell their guests. They threw a "Halloween" party, where they dressed up as a bride and groom, and halfway through a real legit Justice of the Peace shows up to officiate and all their friends and colleagues are stunned. She said it was actually video tapped and traded around amongst wrestling fans for years. She makes a note in the book that she would love a copy if anyone has one floating around.
Eddie Gilbert didn't like working under Dusty Rhodes as booker when the UWF was folded into the NWA. So when Jerry Lawler to book for United States Wrestling Association in Memphis, he said yes immediately. Of course Missy went with him.
Memphis was a step down though since it wasn't broadcast on cable and Missy said she started to become a bit of a prima donna in Memphis, due to her exposure in bigger promotions.
Missy talks about how Eddie Gilbert idolized Jerry Lawler, and says after several months of working for Lawler in USWA, she was able to convince Lawler to give her one of his crowns. She gave it to Eddie as a gift and she says he wore it all over the house and was like a kid on Christmas morning. She says there is a great picture of him smiling and wearing the crown, and that picture is now engraved on Eddie's Tombstone. I personally don't know a lot about Eddie Gilbert, but Missy does a wonderful job at endearing the reader towards him and their relationship.
Missy says Jerry Jarret and Jerry Lawler would tale turns booking Memphis, swapping out of the role every 6 months.
Missy call Jerry Jarrett a "piece of work" and says his face should be pictured next to the word "redneck." She says he would spit tobacco into a cup on his desk all the time and through meetings.
Missy says Eddie Gilbert was offered "head booker" position for Continental Wrestling Federation in Montgomery, Alabama and he immediately took it. Missy of course went with him but finished up in Memphis without Eddie for a couple weeks.
Missy recalls a night when Eddie was working out of town and she was at home Eddie returned the next day without his wallet or wedding ring, but he had a "story" he told about how he left that stuff in the hotel room, and went out to eat. When he came back, his wallet and ring were gone. Missy questioned why he would leave to eat without his wallet, and she knew his routine. If he took his ring off, he also took his Rolex off and stored everything in a fanny pack. The story didn't add up and Missy couldn't let it go.
Missy called around to wrestlers wives asking if they hear any stories, and while no one had anything on Eddie, she did hear about Sid Vicious getting robbed in the same town. Apparently, Sid met a girl and took her back to his hotel room, but somewhere along the way, the girl spiked his drink. By the time they got to the hotel room, Sid was woozy and passed out, allowing this girl to rob him blind. Missy figures the same thing happened to Eddie, that he took off his wedding ring to pick up a girl and got drugged and ripped off. She never confronted him about it, but didn't let it go either.
A month later Missy says she cheated on Eddie with Dr Tom Pritchard. They were working a program together and both very attracted to one another. After a show one night the two had sex in a car parked outside the venue, as fans and other wrestlers walked by and saw the rocking car and foggy windows. Everyone in the organization knew, so of course Eddie knew. Just like Missy never confronted Eddie on his infidelity, Eddie never confronted her either. They were both just silent and angry and hurt.
When Crockett Promotion was bought and turned into WCW, Dusty Rhodes reached back out to Eddie, wanting him on the booking team to go head to head with the WWF. Again Eddie said yes, so he and Missy were headed back to Georgia. Missy and Eddie would end up each getting 2 year contracts with WCW.
Missy says Kevin Sullivan hated Eddie Gilbert and would routinely undermine him on the booking committee and ensure his idea's got rejected.
Missy says it would be a waste to talk about Kevin Sullivan, so she just tells a funny story about running into his wife Nancy (the future Nancy Benoit) after Nancy and Kevin split up. Missy made a comment to Nancy about how good she looks and Nancy attributed that to no longer being with Kevin. Missy then told Nancy that when Kevin Sullivan dies, Missy wants to dance on his grave. Apparently, Nancy responded with "That's going to be a long conga line."
Missy remembers the first time she met Ted Turner, apparently he asked to meet her because people were waving Jim over to her saying "she's over here!" Missy reached her hand out to shake his, but Ted wrapped his arms around her waste, pulled her in close and said "Baby, wanna mud wrestle?" Then he grabbed her ass. Yikes. She called him a redneck and noted how this was while Ted was single, but still calls it gross.
Missy calls Ric Flair a "big perv" who creeped her out on a regular basis. He would talk about pubic hair all the time and told people he wouldn't sleep with a woman who shaves down there. He had a saying, "No hair, no Flair."
Missy says she and others used to play a drinking game while watching Lex Kuger wrestle. They would take a drink anytime Lex touches his crotch while wrestling. She says Lex would routinely adjust himself in the ring and they would drink themselves under the table very quickly with this game.
Miss says their marriage never recovered from the cheating and Eddie was miserable in WCW where none of his booking ideas got off the ground. One time Eddie thought he was going to join the Four Horseman before that plan fell through as well, and Missy suspects Kevin Sullivan had something to do there.
Missy says in the summer of 1989, Eddie left her. He moved out of town, quit his job and just left. They had 2 dogs, Missy kept one and Eddie took the other. She was caught off guard by how calm and relaxed Eddie was while finally leaving her.
Missy met Mark "Buff" Bagwell at an apartment complex she was looking at moving into. She is the one who told him he should get into wrestling, and we can all thank Missy Hyatt for exposing the world to Buff Bagwell. She moved in next door to him and was kinda bummed to find he had a girlfriend, and really irritated at how thin the walls of the apartment complex were.
Missy says Jim Ross set her up with a football player for the Atlanta Falcons named Bill Fralic and a month later, Eddie sent her divorce papers.
Eddie would randomly show up at her apartment complex early one morning. He hopped the gate and rushed the house, angry that Missy was seeing someone else. He apparently knocked over Bagwell's BBQ grill, thinking it was the new boyfriends. Eddie then stormed into the house yelling "where is he!?" But Bill Fraloc was almost a foot taller than Eddie and over 70 pounds bigger, so when Bill woke up and came out asking "do we have a problem?" A deflated Eddie actually said "No, your the football player right? I'm a big fan." Eddie and Bill talked for a bit before they shook hands and Eddie left.
Missy says she and Bill broke up a month or 2 later, but that started her "football player kick" where she dated a dozen or so NFL players over the next couple years.
Missy dated "The Wonder Years" star Jason Hervey for 2 years and calls him the best boyfriend she ever had. He was 18 and she was 26, he was about 4 inches shorter than her, but she seemed to genuinely love the time they spent together.
Missy remembers how the wrestlers in WCW would all make fun of Jason Hervey behind his back, but then all suck up to him in person and try to get a spot on The Wonder Years. She says Eric Bichsoff was the worst because he hounded Jason everytime he was backstage at a show.
Missy cheated on Jason with a hockey player Rod Brind'Amour, who presently coaches the Carolina Hurricanes. She said he was ripped, but she had to mentally put a bag over his head because of how messed up his face was from playing hockey. She confessed to Jason a week later, and they broke up.
Missy says Jason was only 21 when they broke up and handled it as badly as you expect a 21 year old kid to react. After Eddie Gilbert, she wasn't ready for how emotional Jason got, but he eventually promised to ship all her belongings back to her home. When she got them, she found he had peed on every single box. He was very very 21 years old.
Missy says football player Jim Kelly and her flirted a ton, so when she was single she started teaching out to him. Jim Kelly played for the Buffalo Bills and they were set to compete in the Superbowl for the 4th year in a row and prefaced the next story by saying Jim was under a lot of stress. After their first date, Missy took him home and they started making out on the bed, before he started to shudder and said "Oh excuse me." He came in his pants, and they were just kissing. Missy says she found it was kinda sweet but he was annoyed. She doesn't say it outright but you could tell after all the flirting that she was disappointed. She makes a joke saying "No wonder the Bills never won the superbowl in those 4 years they made it." And then she said "Sorry Jim."
To Missy's credit, she calls herself a bitch a lot throughout the book and doesn't hold back on her opinions or the truth.
Missy says Eric Bishoff was pissed when she broke up with Jason, and punished her by pairing her with the Nasty Boys as their manager. Missy said at the time she suggested working with Steve Austin and Brian Pilman, thinking the Hollywood Blondes would fit will with her gimmick and look. She didn't have anything in common with The Nasty Boys though and they didn't match looks.
Missy was shocked when The Nasty Boys won the tag titles, and figures that was done because Dusty Rhodes sister-in-law was married to Jerry Sags of the Nasty Boys.
Missy says Biahoff gave her zero mic or interview time, no bits before, during or after matches, told the camera men not to shoot her and the broadcasters now to mention her.
During a PPV match, Sags got hurt, so Missy had to jump in the ring and cause the planned DQ finish. During the scuffle, hee left boob popped out in a wardrobe malfunction. A month later, Missy and Nasty Boys went to the CNN Center to pose for pictures, and outside the door to thr photography studio, there was a picture of her, with her boob hanging out, posted on the bulletin board! She was livid, snatched the photo, marched to Eric Bichoff and demanded to know who was responsible. Bishoff never got back to her, so she found someone above Bishoff, a vice president with the Turner Organization that she brought the issue to. The next day, Bishoff fired her.
Missy sued Bishoff and WCW, but it was initially over merchandising money she wasn't paid in the past couple years. She had a ton of examples of merchandise she moved and was never paid for. When she told her lawyer about the picture of her exposed boob posted in the Turner offices, the lawyer added in sexual harassment. Missy says that's when shit hit the fan.
She isn't allowed to talk about the lawsuit, legally, so all she says is "The litigation was concluded, after approximately 18 months, in December 1996, and I am very pleased with the outcome." Missy got the bag it would seem.
Missy was more or less black balled from most wrestling promotions after WCW fired her and she sued them. She spent a month indulging in pills and depression before moving to New York where, thanks to her and Eddie Gilbert's old friend Paul Heyman, she got a job as a bartender.
One night, while working at the bar, Paul Heyman called Missy, to tell her Eddie Gilbert had passed away. He wrestled a match in Puerto Rico, and then had a heart attack in his sleep and never woke up.
Missy says Eddie's dad never liked her and blamed her for all Eddie's issues after they divorced. He even blamed Missy when Eddie married Medusa for 10 minutes shortly after Eddie and Missy broke up. Missy decided she shouldn't go to the funeral if it will make her father uncomfortable. She found a picture of the 2 dogs her and Eddie had, and wrote a poem on the back of it before mailing it to Eddie's mom, along with a big flower display. The picture and poem were placed inside the casket and Missy heard her flowers were front and center. She says it was a packed house for his funeral, standing room only. She calls it "Eddie's last show, and he sold out the house."
Missy says 6 months later she had lunch with Eddie's mom and visited his grave where she was finally able to pay proper respect to the man she loved.
She makes a point here that Missy and Melissa (her real name) share a lot in common, but it wasn't Missy who married Eddie, it was Melissa. Missy didn't mourn him, Melissa did. She said the love she had for him had nothing to do with the work they did or the angles they had, it was a real connection between two people. She finishes by saying "Hot Stuff Eddie Gilbert didn't die, my ex-husband did. And it hurt."
When her lawsuit with WCW finally wrapped, she was able to work in the wrestling buisness again, so Paul Heyman immediately hired her in early 1997 in ECW.
Missy was paired with Sandman and notes how some guys didn't like to work with him because he was at least half drunk all the time and had bad body oder.
Missy says Sandman's wife accused Missy of sleeping with Sandman and even hit her with a boot once. But Missy maintains nothing happened between them and I believe her. She mentions damn near everyone she slept with in this book, from Road Warrior Hawk to Raven to a bunch of football and hockey players. She said one time while driving past a cemetery, Sandman asked her of she ever had sex on a grave and she thinks (hopes) he was only joking. That's the most sexual their conversations ever got.
Missy has nothing but good things to say about Francine in ECW, but nothing but bad things to say about Beulah. She calls Beulah a bitch and tells a story about how difficult she was when Missy wanted to shoot a calendar with the women of ECW. She makes fun of Beulah for her early days appearing an adult magazine called Cheri. Missy says Cheri made Hustler look like Reader's Digest. She does note how Beulah was quick to leave the wrestling buisness shortly after Missy got there, and tried excusing her poor attitude as someone who was looking to put wrestling behind them.
One time in the ring with Dreamer, Sandman, Beulah and another girl named Kimona, Missy got pissed when Beulah and Kimona started making out and getting all the attention. She told Sandman to pour one of his beers down the front of her chest and she says no one was looking at those 2 girls again. She finishes the story by saying "No one upstaged Missy."
Sandman's wife legit broke Missy's elbow when they were supposed to have one of those dumb cat fights. At some point Sandman's wife grabbed hold of a kendo stick and swung it as hard as possible, catching Missy in the arm and breaking her elbow. Missy says it happened because Sandman's wife was paranoid about Sandman cheating on her and took offence to some shit Missy said in a working promo.
Missy was done working like that in ECW and asked Paul Heyman if she could announce alongside Joey Styles, when he said no, she quit ECW.
She briefly worked as an announcer for the short lived American Wrestling Federation, but that promotion made no money ever and quickly shut its doors.
Missy mentions a couple relationships and flings in the book, but one of the last ones is a hookup with Val Venis. She calls it "the shortest, lamest sex I've ever had. Talk about a guys gimmick not being him!"
Missy was done with the wrestling buisness after a decade and half, and says she spent a year earning her medical technician certificate, and got a job prepping movie stars and models for boob jobs. Good for her!
The book ends with her saying she is working on her bachelor's degree with a major in psychology and a minor in political science. She was still doing the odd indi shows but hardly gets recognized on the streets anymore. This book was published in 2001 so she would have written it before then, probably in 2000.
Looking her up online she did graduate with a degree in Psychology! She did a few random indi appearances and one TNA appearance a couple years ago, but that's it.
The book ends with her listing her top 10 wrestling regrets...
Never worked a Wrestlemania for WWF.
Never got to tell Eddie Gilbert how much she admired him and how much he taught her.
Never kicked Sandman's wife's ass. She is dead serious, as of writing the book you can tell she really really wanted to.
Never slept with Sweet Stan Lane.
Never somersaulted backwards off the top rope.
Never got a tongue lashing from Gene Simmons of Kiss.
Never gave Sunshine enough credit for showing me how to catfight.
Never lewinskied Jesse Ventura. (Anyone know what this means? She doesn't expand on it and never mentioned Ventura in the book, outside of describing how he transitioned into the broadcast booth)
Never studied psychology while active in the buisness.
Never got that Missy Doll.
This was a fun, and short read. Not a lot of research done on her behalf, it was all done from memory so she rarely mentioned what year the stories were taking place in and she talked a lot about hooking up with wrestlers, unafraid of naming them. I'd love to know how much she made off the WCW lawsuit though.

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I can think of several:
MATCH CARDS ON RAW, SMACKDOWN, FCW/NXT AND THE WWE PPVS/PLES THAT FEATURE ONLY MEN'S MATCHES AND NO WOMEN'S MATCHES With the rise of gender equality and feminism in recent years, there would be major backlash from angry WWE fans on social media as attitudes towards women's wrestling have changed
CATFIGHTS
It is now acceptable for women to punch, strike and kick like the men nowadays as opposed to pulling hair and slapping
ROMANTIC STORYLINES
Romantic storylines are not as common in the WWE nowadays as the women are seen as independent without a need for a man
SPECIAL EPISODES OF RAW AND SMACKDOWN SUCH AS VIEWER'S CHOICE SHOWS AND THE SLAMMYS
Triple H feels that shows such as RAW Roulette, Viewers Choice RAW, the Slammys and milestone shows are outdated as well as interrupting storylines as he wants storylines to progress without major interruptions
ROYAL RUMBLE, MONEY IN THE BANK AND ELIMINATION CHAMBER WHICH FEATURE ONLY THE MEN
It used to be that there was only one Royal Rumble match at the Royal Rumble PPV while Elimination Chamber and Money In The Bank featured two matches that featured only men and were divided by brand but now women compete in those matches and are now divided by gender.

I want her to win a Women's Championship, dye it pink, gem it pink, hell bring the butterfly back. Call herself the "Modern Day Diva". Feud with every woman who called or even midly associated themselves with the women' revolution. Group up with Chelsea and maybe Maxxine and have a big ol' catfight with the women of WWE and have a grand finale at WM Diva vs Superstar.
Thanks for coming to my Tedtalk. Mr. Trips I'll be expecting my 20$ venmo for this service.

"In the ongoing spectacle that is Destiny's personal life, we find not mere salacious gossip, but a microcosm that exposes the putrid heart of the Zionist ethos. Observe the meticulous construction of this manufactured rivalry: two manipulated women, Lav and her anonymous blonde counterpart, cast into a degrading battle for one man's fleeting approval. Like puppetmaster to marionettes, Destiny fans the flames of insecurity, stokes jealousy, and revels in the ensuing catfight.
Examine this manufactured chaos with the ruthless clarity it deserves, and its parallel with Zionism's insidious stratagems grows alarmingly stark. Israel, that colonizing power, fosters and arms divisions within the Palestinian territories, pitting factions against each other, all to prevent a unified opposition. Each rocket fired from Gaza, each violent retort against oppression, is merely a cog in their wheel. As a result, Palestine remains mired in a self-destructive state, weakened for Israel's continued benefit. And while they feign humanitarian concern, they sow the very seeds of conflict on which they then capitalize.
Just as Israel has weaponized conflict in Gaza, Destiny turns personal lives into emotional battlegrounds. These women become tools: expendable players in a twisted game of conquest and domination. Observe how their emotional turmoil becomes a currency: a warped reward system. This relentless focus on maintaining personal control mirrors Israel's obsession with absolute dominance over a besieged, occupied Palestinian population.
Dare we, for a moment, peel back the veneer of personal drama and expose the raw core of this grotesque behavior? What is exploitation, stripped bare, if not this? And is this not the guiding principle of Zionist ideology? They claim an inalienable right to a land, to power, and they justify the most atrocious actions in its name. Lives are shattered, rights are trampled, and they point to contrived justifications and an ancient birthright, even as their boots grind down on necks.
Let us not shy away from the unsettling truth: whether under the guise of national destiny or narcissistic gratification, when domination replaces empathy, the result is a dehumanizing dance. There is no excuse for Zionism's atrocities, and those same toxic impulses poison even our interpersonal dealings. The saga of Destiny is a harsh spotlight, forcing us to recognize the ease with which exploitation justifies itself, the danger of accepting narratives of conflict for conflict's sake. If we fail to learn from this spectacle, on both personal and geopolitical stages, we condemn ourselves to repeat its ugliness, to play out the same tragedies – merely at a different, but no less devastating, scale. The more we examine it, the more it becomes clear that gooning and Zionism are one and the same."

Logline: Connor’s ex-wife and child crash his at-home Valentine’s date. Marina is worried she might be pregnant.
Review: Connor snags a reservation at an obscenely decadent restaurant, but his girlfriend, Jojo, has a different idea: she wants to treat him for a change, so why not a night at home with pizza and a movie? Connor ups the rezy to four, so Tom and Marina can double date with Sarah and Denise. Sarah can’t stop pointing out how over the top bougie everything is. Marina is nauseated by the smell of the seafood tower, which makes her think she’s pregnant, since the last time she had this reaction to seafood was due to pregnancy. Denise offers to slip out and get her a pregnancy test. Sarah is worried that her negativity is pushing Denise away, so she’s relieved when the pregnancy is revealed. Tom and Marina both freak out, but ultimately she isn’t pregnant. However - Denise wants to have a baby! Meanwhile, Connor’s date night with Jojo is interrupted when his ex-wife, Emily, swings by with their daughter, Gretchen, who doesn’t yet know Connor is dating Jojo. Luckily, Gretchen is cool with it. In fact, she already suspected it - they were spending a noticeable amount of time alone in the pantry. Jojo reads the subtext Connor is missing - Emily is lonely, and doesn’t want to be alone on Valentine’s Day. Jojo uses her social media savvy to help Emily up her online profile game, to the point where the women are bonding and Connor’s presence really isn’t needed. It’s just a delightful left turn in what could have been a lazy catfight. While I wish we had something special - a longstanding Valentine’s tradition, or even some gifts or more set dec - this is such a charming show.
More sitcom holiday episodes here!

1. Community - Early 21st Century Romanticism (2.15)

Logline: Jeff gets in a fight with the study group and doesn’t attend the Greendale Community College Valentine’s Day Dance. Troy and Abed compete for the affections of the librarian.
Review: What a sweet closing voiceover! Jeff gets in a fight with the study group about the merits of BNL (Barenaked Ladies, preeminent Canadian rock band). When a simple invitation to watch a soccer game explodes into a rager at Jeff’s apartment, he realizes he misses the study group. He sends a group text about how scary it is to care about one person, let alone six, but if he can’t say it on Valentine’s, when can he: he loves them. Meanwhile, Troy and Abed both have the hots for the librarian, and decide to do it all above board: let her know they’re both interested and she should come to the dance and choose between them. She ultimately chooses Troy, who ironically can’t be with a person who doesn’t see how awesome Abed is. Britta is having a very Britta Valentine’s - she has a cool new lesbian friend, who is only friends with her because she thinks Britta is a lesbian. They only realize the other is straight after an impromptu dance floor make out to prove how comfortable they are with the others’ sexuality. If only we got the Dean in a Cupid’s outfit, bestill my heart!

1. Home Economics - Pregnancy Test, $12.98 (2.13)

Logline: Connor’s ex-wife and child crash his at-home Valentine’s date. Marina is worried she might be pregnant.
Review: Connor snags a reservation at an obscenely decadent restaurant, Silo, but his girlfriend, Jojo, has a different idea: she wants to treat him for a change, so why not a night at home with pizza and a movie? Connor ups the rezy to four, so Tom and Marina can double date with Sarah and Denise. Sarah can’t stop pointing out how over the top bougie everything is. Marina is nauseated by the smell of the seafood tower, which makes her think she’s pregnant, since the last time she had this reaction to seafood was due to pregnancy. Denise offers to slip out and get her a pregnancy test. Sarah is worried that her negativity is pushing Denise away, so she’s relieved when the pregnancy is revealed. Tom and Marina both freak out, but ultimately she isn’t pregnant. However - Denise wants to have a baby! Meanwhile, Connor’s date night with Jojo is interrupted when his ex-wife, Emily, swings by with their daughter, Gretchen, who doesn’t yet know Connor is dating Jojo. Luckily, Gretchen is cool with it. In fact, she already suspected it - they were spending a noticeable amount of time alone in the pantry. Jojo reads the subtext Connor is missing - Emily is lonely, and doesn’t want to be alone on Valentine’s Day. Jojo uses her social media savvy to help Emily up her online profile game, to the point where the women are bonding and Connor’s presence really isn’t needed. It’s just a delightful left turn in what could have been a lazy catfight. While I wish we had something special - a longstanding Valentine’s tradition, or even some gifts or more set dec - this is such a charming show.

1. Modern Family - My Funky Valentine (1.15)

Logline: Claire and Phil try spicing things up for Valentine’s Day. To celebrate the holiday, Jay takes Gloria to see a comic he loves. Another boy takes credit for Manny’s love poem.
Review: This is exactly what you’d want a Valentine’s Day sitcom episode to be - a little spicy, a little sweet. Gloria wants to salsa dance, but Jay is excited to take her to see a comic whose observational humor is spot on, until the comic starts observing the age gap between Jay and Gloria. Claire and Phil’s roleplaying was perfection - not too smooth, and very believable. I loved the moment when Clive slipped back into Phil when the waitress told him not to smoke. The set piece of familiar face after familiar face running into Claire when she’s trapped in just a trench in the escalator is incredible, and running into Jay and Gloria is the best and worst thing ever: embarrassing for her father to catch her in flagrante, but Gloria saves her by artfully shimmying Claire out of her coat and into Gloria’s trench. Mitchell and Cam’s plotline is lacking in the romance department, as they’re there to defend Manny and his pursuit of love.

1. black-ish - Big Night, Big Fight (1.13)

Logline: Dre and Bow start Valentine’s Dinner off on the wrong foot, and it only escalates from there. Meanwhile, the kids try to teach Diane how to be kinder.
Review: Stylizing a Valentine’s Day fight as an escalating world war is fantastic. Stage One: The Inciting Incident (Dre asks if Bow is changing before they head out to dinner.) Stage Three: Evasive Maneuvers (Dre pays the maitre d to get them a last minute table while Bow is in the bathroom.) Stage Five: The War Council (Dre gets advice from other men fighting with their wives in the bathroom.) Stage Seven: Mutually Assured Destruction (Reviving old, ugly argument.) Stage Eight: Naked Peace Talks. Dre and Bow come together over the bickering of smaller, annoying countries (AKA their children), and agree that it’s healthier to air their grievances. There is so much incredible specificity - from Bow being mad at him for buying gas station flowers to Dre pronouncing the holiday as “Valentime’s” - that makes the whole episode sing.

1. Fresh Off the Boat - Cupid’s Crossbow (5.14)

Logline: Eddie gets a note from a secret admirer. Evan comes to his father for advice on asking a girl out, which triggers his mother’s competitive side.
Review: Love is in the air… Emery has three dates, one for each meal of the day, Evan wants to ask out his lab partner, and Louis suggests bringing a third into their marriage (an accountant to do their taxes.) Evan, who always goes to Jessica for help, goes to Louis instead for help brainstorming a romantic way to ask out his lab partner. Jessica refuses to admit she isn’t the best at anything, not even romance, so she goes to increasingly desperate lengths, culminating in pretending to hold up the restaurant where Evan is on his date to trigger the chemicals that cause fear and love. Meanwhile, Eddie gets an anonymous note from a secret admirer, so he goes on a quest with Honey to revisit every house he has delivered to and see if he can’t figure it out. This was a fun and original take on a Valentine’s Day episode.

1. Parks & Recreation - Operation Ann (4.14)

Logline: Leslie uses a Valentine’s Day Dance to try and matchmake Ann. Meanwhile, Ben is doing his best to solve Leslie’s lengthy Valentine’s Day Scavenger Hunt.
Review: Galentine’s Day is back! Ladies celebrating ladies breakfast-style. Ann is single this Valentine’s Day, so Leslie recruits everyone in the office to bring eligible bachelors to the dance for Ann. There’s dud after dud, and eventually April suggests Ann try going out with the only guy who’s made her smile all night: Tom. Leslie thinks Ann is sneaking off for a date with Chris, her boss, against office policy, and is floored when she realizes it’s Tom. In classic Leslie fashion, she has created an intricate scavenger hunt for Ben, which will lead him to a mystery location. The very first hint is a crytek unlocked by a five-letter word that captures the essence of their third date. Ben is already in over his head, so Ron and Andy help him. They split up to try and find the last hint, because going one-by-one will take too long. Leslie’s gifting has always been next-level, and Ron truly knows her. He says to Ben that Leslie loves love, but she also loves being right, so is there a location that symbolizes something she has changed his mind about? Ron is right: Leslie is there waiting for Ben at Lil Sebastian’s memorial.

1. New Girl - Operation: Bobcat (6.16)

Logline: Jess helps Winston put together a last-minute proposal. Cece takes charge in planning her Bone-aversary with Schmitt. Nick eagerly awaits his Valentine’s Day gift from his long-distance girlfriend.
Review: Winston has a dream: propose to his girlfriend and police partner, Ally, in a rest stop bathroom dressed as a bobcat as an homage to one of their first assignments together as partners. Jess helps him bring his dream to life, with mood lighting and a cop choir singing “Allison” to back up Jess reading Winston’s written proposal, as Ally kicked him so hard he can’t read it. It’s so fun yet so sweet - it made me tear up! Schmitt usually plans an elaborate sexcapade for the anniversary of their first coitus, but he’s been so stressed with work that Cece decides to surprise him. She plans a rooftop encounter at his work, but their clothes blow away. Nick brings them truly terrible clothing to change into - a pre-weight loss fit for Schmitt, and her wedding dress for Cece. Nick, meanwhile, has stepped up his Valentine’s game and has hourly surprises for Reagan, only to end up disappointed when all she gets him is a chain. New Girl is firing on all cylinders when it comes to romance.

1. The Big Bang Theory - The Tangible Affection Proof (6.16)

Logline: Leonard and Penny’s Valentine’s dinner is derailed when Penny spots an ex. Howard and Bernadette are bickering. Sheldon sends his assistant to pick out a Valentine’s Day present for Amy.
Review: This episode is a romance ninja (copyright: Leonard.) This show has always been critically overlooked - this episode is an indelible example of how well the writers understand each character. Leonard is psyched about Valentine’s Day, but Penny isn’t mustering up any enthusiasm. They go out for a lovely dinner, but Penny spots an ex that cheated on her, there with her former friend he cheated on her with. AND he proposes. Leonard is more and more hurt that she can’t shake it off. Back at her apartment, she confesses to Leonard that because their relationship is going so well, she’s starting to get freaked out because he keeps proposing. Leonard promises that he will stop proposing and puts the onus on her to ask for his hand if she wants to get married. It’s such a lovely way of making something that seems anti-romantic, truly romantic. Bernadette and Howard are fighting because Howard isn’t contributing to the chores around their place. Out of spite, she hid Howard’s X-Box because he hadn’t done the laundry like he’d promised. They’re at dinner to witness Leonard and Penny’s fight, and realize their squabble is petty. Howard apologizes and realizes Bernadette hid his console in the one place she knew he wouldn’t look - the washer! Sheldon farms out the task of picking out a Valentine’s present to his assistant, who succeeds in finding something so wonderful that Sheldon decides to keep it for himself. Amy shows up with the perfect Valentine’s gift for Sheldon: no Valentine’s celebration. Let’s order a pizza and watch a movie with “Star Something” in the title. Sheldon then gives Amy her gift and the episode its title: tangible proof of his affection for her, by making her his emergency contact. Poor Raj is single as usual, and he and Stu throw a party at the comic book store. Raj gives an impassioned speech about how it’s not shameful to be single, when a girl gives him one compliment and they immediately leave to get coffee together, completely undercutting Raj’s speech. May you all be struck by the romance ninja this Valentine’s!

1. Happy Endings - The St. Valentine’s Day Maxssacre (2.13)

Logline: Max is offering a Valentine's Day package for his limo service, and he picks up the man who dumped him last Valentine’s Day. Brad’s pre-Valentine’s Date dental appointment goes awry. Alex is an expert on all things St. Valentine. Penny wants to break up with the guy she’s been seeing, but it’s too close to Valentine’s Day, and she convinces Dave the girl he’s seeing is doing the same thing.
Review: Penny’s concept of “the break up window” perfectly encapsulates the awkward window around the holidays when you simply shouldn’t break up with someone as a courtesy. She is doing this herself to a guy whose annoying wink she can’t take anymore - delaying plans with him up it’s a respectful enough time after Valentine’s Day. When Dave’s crazy sex girl starts blowing him off, Penny convinces Dave the girl is just respecting the break up window. Dave sabotages the romantic dinner he had planned, only for the girl to reveal she would have had a threesome with him, if he had put in any more effort than canned beans for dinner. Brad and Jane are a sitcom couple trope I adore: married but still madly horny for each other (think Morticia and Gomez.) Brad pulled out all the stops: fondue, a horse-drawn carriage, dinner at an exclusive restaurant, even a predate dental appointment. Demanding the goofy juice when he finds out he has a cavity, Brad does not deliver on the aforementioned plans. (The sequence at the dentist’s office was incredible - the episode was directed by Joe Russo of Endgame fame.) Luckily, Alex is on a quest to help someone find love, and she helps Max win a second chance with the guy who broke up with him last Valentine’s Day for not putting in enough effort. Max shows up in a beautiful set piece outside an apartment, resplendent with candles, and Brad and Jane show up to lend them the horse-drawn carriage and the dinner rezy. As Alex says, it’s the happy ending Saint Valentine himself did not get. From new romance to old love to crazy sex, this episode covers everything Valentine’s celebrates.

1. 30 Rock - Saint Valentine’s Day (3.11)

Logline: Liz accidentally schedules a first date on Valentine’s Day, which she tries to keep casual to no avail. Jack has scored a reservation at the hottest restaurant in town, but Elisa expects him to come to church with her. Kenneth has a crush on a blind girl but can’t bring himself to talk to her.
Review: This is a show firing on all cylinders! My boyfriend joined me for the last five minutes, and even with no context, he was laughing. Liz makes a date with Dr. Jon Hamm, not realizing the date she picked is Valentine’s Day. She has him over to her place for a casual dinner, but first her boob pops out (date #4), then her bathroom door opens while she’s on the commode (date NEVER), then they agree to embrace what the world is throwing at them: they’ll get everything out of the way tonight, and if they still like each other, then it’s real. In rapid succession, Liz meets Dr. Hamm’s teenaged pyromaniac daughter, then his dying mothegrandmother. I appreciate the gesture at the awkwardness of a new romance around the 14th - it can get awkward, though not usually deathbed confessional awkward. Meanwhile, Jack is dating Nurse Selma Hayek, a fiery and very Catholic Latina. She always goes to church to celebrate the Massacre of Saint Valentine - Jack isn’t one of those convenient Catholics who just goes to church every Sunday, right? Jack has made a reservation at Plunder where he intends to order the Lover’s Delight: a one-thousand dollar dessert complete with black, white, and clear truffles as well as edible gold foil. They get in a fight when she realizes his true religion is business and she breaks up with him, only to find a McFlurry card in the donation plate and take it as a sign to reunite with her love under the golden arches for the world’s greatest dessert under one thousand dollars: an Oreo McFlurry. Meanwhile, Kenneth meets a blind girl and is so smitten he can’t say a word, so Tracy jumps in as his voice. It’s a great bit - they take her to a “restaurant” that is just the TSG stage with Grizz and Dotcom making background noise. It ends with Kenneth telling the girl the truth, then she touches his face and makes a quick exit. Not everyone can find true love on Saint Valentine’s Day!
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Honorable mentions and more here.

The Big 12 conference was a fierce competition last year; almost as fierce as this year's season of ABC's The Bachelor.
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Steve Sarkisian - Maria
I think Joey sees in Maria exactly what Arch Manning sees in Steve Sarkisian: a winner that’s been around the block and who’s looking for someone to put a ring on this finger. Just like Sark’s stops at Washington and USC, Maria has gone through one unsuccessful marriage and she's emerged even stronger and really ready for love this time. If she can match Steve Sarkisian’s level of drip she just might win the whole show
Mike Gundy - Katelyn
Bold take, but I think Katelyn is as strong a The Bachelor contestant as Mike Gundy is a football coach. And just like how hard it is to win at Oklahoma state with its geography and resources, It’s gonna be tough for Katelyn to book those 1-on-1’s because I just don’t think she’s his type. Just like Mike Gunday, Katelyn has to coach circles around the other girls to stay in contention; but i have the feeling she just might make it work
Brent Venables - Kelsey A
Kelsey A and Venables both have this look that says “I came to this club to dance, but if you get in my way I’ll tear your weave out”. They’re both ace competitors that do things on their terms. I think coach Venables is ready for the catfight and clash of egos in the SEC that Kelsey is already killing it at
Mat Campbell - Daisy
These two are a couple of blue collar beauties that win hearts and football games the old fashioned way. The type to roll up their sleeves to do the work, and still look darned good on camera doing it. Also does Matt campbell get his teeth whitened? Seems kind of out of character for him but some photos make it really look that way
Chris Kleiman - Kayla
Two self-determined, warrior women that don’t turn away from a challenge. You think I can’t win at Kansas State? Watch me power walk my way to the Big 12 championship. You think I can’t make it with Joey? Now I’m going to date him even harder.
Neal Browl - Erika
WOWZA talk about a glow-up. ABC always does a few of the contestants dirty with the website photos and Erika looks like a different person when she steps out of the limo. Not that she’s bad looking in the photo, and 6-7 isn’t a bad start with the mess that Brown inherited. It’s just that when these two appeared to start the season, they were the talk of the town
Joey McGuire - Lanie
Lanie’s a quirky gal. McGuire was a quirky hire. Texas Tech is a quirky program. Is a reality TV show a good place to find a husband? I dunno, let’s see if it works. How do we pull recruits to Lubbock, Texas? Let’s hire a high school coach. How do we sneak all these tortillas into the stadium? Let’s see where they fit
Lance Leipold - Autumn
Lance is that coach that every coach wants to be. Winning at a historically terrible program and getting david-and-goliath wins booked in the first couple of seasons. The other girls on the bachelor saw autumn and thought “uh oh” just like the B12 did when Leipold stepped off his own limo. She plays hard, physical ball but can still pull a trick play when you need a 2-point conversion to seal the game
Gus Malzhan -Jess
If you hear the clack of Guss’ or Jess’ high heels walking your way, you know you’re in for a bad time. You just don’t want to coach against the Gus buss and you definitely don’t want to compete against the Juss buss. It’s not to say they’re the most difficult opponent, just God it sucks to play their game
Sonny Dykes - Allison
Sass, ‘tude and upside. That’s all I see here. I just love how Sonny Dykes comes on so strong one season with a 13-2 record and championship appearance, then plays hard to get with a loss to Colorado week 1 of the next season. He’s got Allison written all over him. She’s giving off major “I’m into you” vibes to Joey but also playing it slow. Who knows what you get next with these two
Dana Holgerson - Zoe
It feels mean to compare any of these women to Dana Holgerson, so I just put the least successful one. Both pretty much flopped this year. The difference is I hope Zoe goes on to find success in her love life and I hope Dana’s out of coaching for good after lighting two programs on fire back-to-back. As they always say on the bachelor, Dana was there for the wrong reasons.
Kalani Sitake - Edwina
When I see Edwina or BYU on the screen, I always say “you go girl!”. These two have enough likeability to get me to root for them in every game except when they’re facing a team I’m a true fan of. They’re top quartile of coaches/contestants in likeability for me. Other than that loose emotional connection I got nothing
Dave Aranda - Starr
The only reason I have left to believe in Dave Aranda is that he still has a job at Baylor so someone with more information than me believes in him. That’s pretty much the Starr situation. Joey keeps her around so there’s gotta be something there, right?
Scott Satterfield - Kelsey T
Satterfield and Kelset T hit the ground running with a “I’m looking for love, not here to make friends” mantra. What, you think I’m just on this show to enhance my acting career? I don’t care if I’m under contract, I’m interviewing for that South Carolina job. Oh you think I’m here for the wrong reasons? Fire me. I’ll play you in a bowl game and get blown out to show you what you’re missing out on

I’m dying for the RHONJ trailer, so I thought I’d satiate my thirst by ranking the seasons!
(favorite to least favorite)
Season 2: This season is iconic. From Teresa giving birth to baby Audriana to Danielle being chased through a country club getting her hair pulled out. Italy, clowns, and ragdolls. When you think of the good ole days from Jersey, this is the season you’ll think about most. Pure chaos.
Season 4: I may be biased since this was the first season I watched live on TV (I was 12 lol). Things got extremely toxic. Which is probably why they haven’t filmed a season while the previous season was airing ever since. The reunion, in my opinion, was the greatest reunion in all of housewives history. Rosie threatening to cut Teresa’s tongue out in an epic rant is something that will live rent free in my head forever.
Season 8: May be a controversial choice to put so high up, but the catfights were hardcore. My heart still beats out of my chest when Dolores bangs on that table after Teresa threw a glass of wine at the wall.
Season 3: The Christening is one of the most iconic moments in reality tv history. Besides that, this season wasn’t very hardcore with the dramatics. However, all of the holidays and family feuds, makes this a perfect season to rewatch. It’s lower stakes and not as anxiety inducing… if you skip the first episode lol.
Season 12: This was a hardcore season. Teresa completely believes Margaret called Louie’s exes. Even though there is no evidence. She then throws an entire table of food at her. It’s probably her worst moment yet, but wow it was entertaining!
Season 10: The hair pull was shocking. This season was also a pretty toxic season. The women, I felt, were being extremely horrible to Danielle. All of my feeling bad for her went out the window when she decided to pull Margaret’s hair. Then the plot twist in the finale. That had me SHOOK!!!
Season 9: Whether you love or hate her, Jennifer Aydin is an iconic character on this show. Teresa needed a strong ally and she got it with Jennifer. The fight in Cabo was one of the most aesthetically pleasing fights in Housewives history. We also can’t forget Danielle’s wedding😂 Wow was that a disaster.
Season 1: I love this season. The conversations between the wives reminded me of my neighborhood growing up. Everyone getting together to gossip about that one neighbor with all the rumors. It wasn’t the most intense season overall, but the display of family and getting to know these crazy bitches we’ve all grown to love was absolute perfection! And of course, the table flip. Don’t need to say much about that!
Season 5: This season felt overly produced but I commend the producers for doing their best. Hurricane Sandy had just occurred and it was difficult finding places to film. This season was about repairing the relationships. Their emotions got worse before it got better. It was nice to see intense fights with a decent resolve.
Season 11: This season is good, but it’s a hard watch for me. Teresa tortured Jackie by simply not saying the rumor about her husband wasn’t true. Jackie tried to explain to her how she was feeling by using an analogy, but as we all know, Teresa doesn’t understand those. I love Teresa and she’s the queen of Jersey, but she was intent on destroying Jackie physically, mentally, and emotionally. All because of an analogy. It was hard to watch.
Season 13: I like this season. I even like the new wives! Especially Fessler. This is ranked so low because the Melissa vs. Teresa storyline became super boring to most viewers, myself included. I’m usually team Melissa when it comes to the arguments, but I would much rather have Teresa on the show. Sue me!
Season 7: I was so excited about Jacqueline’s return. However, she was extremely petty and very childish this season. It’s cringey to watch. Still love her though. Dolores and Voldemort were boring af this season. They both got a hell of a lot more interesting the next season, 8, so much so it’s near the top of my list!
Season 6: The forgotten season. It honestly felt like a completely different show. Dina’s return was a snooze fest to me. She’s an amazing person, but a boring housewife. The drama between the twins and Amber was weird. We watched 5 seasons of a show that flowed well. Then we get season 6 and all of the drama is between new housewives we never even heard of before. This was Teresa’s “look i’m not a psycho!” season since she was facing serious federal charges. Still enjoyed this season, but I think most will agree, this should be at the bottom.

New Year’s Revolution - January 8, 2006: Pepsi Arena [We Run Albany, NY]
Listen closely, do you hear it? That crowd, they roar for him, but soon you know exactly what’s going down. They won’t remember this forever, this moment will pass, and in the blink of an eye, it’s gonna be yours, god damn it. Just be patient, wait it out. His time is up. Your time is now, baby. The madman’s eyes remain transfixed on that one thing tonight’s “big winner” John Cena holds up to the skies, the shiny glimmering star reflecting evermore onto him. He doesn’t hear Vince McMahon barking like a rabid dog as he prepares to make his announcement. He doesn’t hear a single word his stolen girl lovingly mutters in his ear. He only hears the words Lillian Garcia are about to be forced to utter after it all goes according to plan for him… “THE NEW WWE CHAMPION, EDGE!”
And just like that, the moment is over. John Cena lies motionless on the ground, our Superman vanquished. The man of the hour stands tall and proud sporting a devilish grin like Chucky, and his Tiffany Valentine remains wrapped around his waist, proud as ever. “THE NEW WWE CHAMPION, EDGE!” Just as expected, and just as easy as he always believed it would be. Those days of the past where young Adam dreamt about rising to the top of the wrestling industry were all for this, and what a way to get it done as well! Like Bonnie and Clyde, highway robbery, but you can’t call it ill-gotten gains, because you don’t have the fucking championship, so it doesn’t matter one bit. The records have already immortalized him, and this night will forever be remembered in history.
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Life is always easier when you’re number one. You don’t just get the glory, you get to make the big deals as well. Brand recognition, your name is everywhere. You stand a little straighter, everybody says your name like it matters ten times more. Maybe every now and then, you get to spend a night with one of those cornball cocksuckers like Leno or Letterman, god knows they love the way the belt shines on their pretty little sets. But most importantly, it puts you in this constant high, an elevated state of mind, some may call it an inflated ego but it’s much deeper than that. You could be one day into your reign, but boy, you feel like you’ve had the world in a chokehold for centuries.
The Rated-R Superstar certainly feels this way when he enters the arena for the first night of his reign, doing everything he can to live up to the moniker as he carries his two prizes down to the ring around his shoulders, the belt on his left shoulder and his woman on his right. Yes, he’s king of the world. Yes, everybody in the arena wants to be him. Yes, he knows it all too well, but the man doesn’t seem to know that there’s one man in the arena that wants more than just to be him… HE WANTS HIS HEAD ON A MOTHERFUCKING SPIKE, AND HIS NAME IS JOHN CENA! Hell hath no fury like a Bostonian scorned, and before our new champion can do anything with his belt, he must reap the consequences of his actions. Cena chases Edge out of the ring and almost through the crowd, before stopping and declaring that he’s coming back for his gold, as his rematch is scheduled FOR THE NEXT EPISODE OF RAW!
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Monday Night Raw - January 16, 2006: RBC Center [Raleigh, NC]
John Cena vs. Edge (c) - WWE Championship
Both men enter with their heads held high for tonight’s opening contest, Cena making a personal request to open the show so that he can end Edge’s fraudulent reign as quickly as possible, Edge shows zero fear during his entrance, and Lita does her job to keep her man confident, reminding him of his accolades and attributions as he proudly struts into the ring, sizing up the meatsack that is John Felix Anthony Cena Jr. The bell rings, and Cena quickly flies at Edge for the lariat, missing the first one before getting his feet back and lunging for a second. The second misses as well, and it seems like his wild emotional state may be costing him dearly as Edge is able to capitalize on things WITH A SPINNING HEEL KICK! A grounded Cena receives boots in the corner as Edge hopes to inflict as much damage as possible, BUT HE’S ABLE TO ESCAPE A SUBSEQUENT HEADLOCK, LIFTING HIM FOR THE HUGE GERMAN SUPLEX TO GET ON TOP!
Already, Cena begins to pummel Edge, landing the Lou Thesz Press and getting as many punches in as he can. However, his attempt at a Short-Arm Lariat is ducked, and Edge is able to go behind Cena FOR THE BIG DROPKICK TO HIS BACK! Both men lie on the ground, and Edge heads to a corner as he tries to get back to his feet. Lita joins him here, leaping onto the apron for moral support. But as Edge rises, so does the rising tide. From behind, CENA RUSHES TOWARDS EDGE TO TRY AND TAKE HIS HEAD OFF, BUT LITA WARNS HER MAN, PUSHING HIM OUT OF THE WAY OF CENA’S LARIAT… BUT PUTTING HERSELF IN THE WAY AS WELL! As she flies off the apron, Cena and the referee watch in horror, and as they’re both preoccupied, CENA EATS A LOW BLOW FROM BEHIND IMMEDIATELY, AND EDGE ROLLS HIM UP WITH THE QUICK SMALL PACKAGE!!! ONE… TWO… THREE!!! VICTORY FOR THE RATED-R SUPERSTAR AGAIN!!!
Edge def. John Cena in 1:25 to retain the WWE Championship
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His first defense in the books for good, Edge emerges happier than ever. He does his best to put Cena in the past, but with that championship still around his waist, that only creates two new problems for him, as a challenge is set out by the dirtiest player in the game, Ric Flair. A proposition is made for a battle of the bastards, but before it can be accepted, THE GAME SHOWS HIS FACE! The former World Heavyweight Champion is seeking gold again after his reign of terror, and he hopes to knock off the new kid on the block to claim the WWE Title. And as if Edge wasn’t already drowning in challengers, Cena STILL wants his belt back, believing that he didn’t get a fair shake in his match. A triple threat is made, and Cena manages to emerge victorious by pinning Flair, earning himself an official third match with the current champion at the Royal Rumble. Edge is furious to find out that he’s got to face Cena yet again, and a promo before the PPV sees Edge recant his recent history to spell something out to Cena. That night at New Year’s Revolution, John met a new man and woke up the very next day with someone new to hate for the rest of his life, he knows and understands that. But that same night, Edge pinned Cena’s shoulders to the mat, one, two, three. And in Raleigh, he faced him again and STILL pinned him again, one, two, three. The definition of insanity is repeating the same action and expecting a different result, so Cena must have a fair few screws loose, because the same result will surely happen a third time at the Royal Rumble.
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Royal Rumble - January 29, 2006: American Airlines Arena [Miami, FL]
John Cena vs. Edge (c) - WWE Championship
Now for our semi-main event of the evening, we’ve got ourselves a huge grudge match here, as John Cena does battle with the man that stole his championship almost a month ago. We start out with some aggressive chain wrestling in the beginning, Cena doing his best to try and start this match as smart as possible. Edge feels confident that he can outwrestle the meathead here, but when Cena’s able to counter a hammerlock with a quick snapmare into a Throwback neck snap, Cena tightly applying the headlock shortly after. Angry that he allowed himself to get caught in this, he forces the break says fuck the chain wrestling, holding Cena at the ropes for two nasty chops. This fires up Cena and makes him go at Edge with a wild lariat, playing into Edge’s master plan as he really wanted to anger Cena enough to play on him for counter wrestling. For a long stretch of this match, Edge counters most of the stuff that Cena throws at him, completely nullifying Cena’s entire repertoire. It’s as if Edge extensively studied Cena’s tapes prior to this match, as he seemingly knows Cena’s moveset better than Cena does. With seemingly no moves to strike Edge with, Cena’s forced to dig deep into his bag of tricks here to surprise him… AND WE SEE HIM BLAST EDGE WITH AN ANGLE SLAM STRAIGHT FROM THE MOVESET OF THE OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALIST!!! ONE… TWO… THR-KICKOUT BY EDGE!!!
This move shocks Edge to his core, as he wasn’t ready for his challenger to start using moves from the man that some might call his greatest rival. Cena isn’t done pulling from the American Hero, as we see him try to trap the little fucker in an Ankle Lock, BUT EDGE IS ABLE TO SLIP FREE AND GO BEHIND CENA FOR THE UNPRETTIER, A PLAY FROM SOMEONE HE KNEW IN WHAT FEELS LIKE ANOTHER LIFE!!! And he’s not done there, AS HE HITS THE ROPES ONCE CENA’S BACK ON HIS FEET FOR THE SPEAR!!! THAT SHOULD BE IT… ONE… TWO… THR-NOOOO!!! CENA KICKS OUT, IT’LL TAKE MORE THAN THAT TO KEEP HIM DOWN!!! By now, these two men are absolutely exhausted, and if Edge wants to keep the WWE Championship around his waist, he’s going to need to pick up the pace and put Cena away before the opposite can happen. He waits in the corner, readying another Spear as the challenger stumbles to his feet, BUT CENA IS ABLE TO THROW EDGE INTO THE AIR, CATCHING HIM WITH THE ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT!!! Crumbling to the mat, Edge writhes in agony as he flops on the ground like a fish, AND CENA’S ABLE TO DRAPE THE ARM FOR THE COVER… ONE… TWO… THR-NOOOOO!!! LITA PLACES EDGE’S FOOT ON THE ROPE FOR THE BREAK!!!
The referee is clearly angry, and so is Cena, the man looks so livid, he could blast Lita with another damn lariat. But he doesn’t have to, AS THE REFEREE EJECTS HER FOR HER CONSTANT INTERFERENCE! Happier, he heaves Edge back to his feet, but Edge is able to muster enough strength to shove Cena backwards into the referee, briefly incapacitating him. Cena tries to check on the official, AND EDGE TRIES TO BLAST CENA WITH A LOW BLOW… BUT THE CHALLENGER CATCHES IT! AND A HEADBUTT FLOORS EDGE, CENA COLLAPSING INTO THE COVER OUT OF EXHAUSTION AFTERWARDS! BUT NO!!! NO REFEREE TO MAKE THE COVER WHICH SURELY COULD’VE WON HIM THE MATCH! Eventually, Cena and the referee make it back to their feet at their own time, and Cena tries for another Attitude Adjustment to put Edge away… BUT NO! EDGE DROPS TO HIS FEET, EDGECUTION TO SPIKE CENA RIGHT ONTO HIS HEAD!!! AND HE’S NOT DONE THERE THOUGH, AS HE DEMANDS CENA RETURN TO HIS FEET FOR THE KILLING BLOW, A SECOND SPEAR TO PUT CENA DOWN FOR GOOD AS HE HOOKS THE LEG FOR THE COVER!!! ONE… TWO… THREE!!! THAT’S IT, EDGE MANAGES TO RETAIN THE CHAMPIONSHIP YET AGAIN, DASHING CENA’S HOPES OF CARRYING THE TITLE INTO WRESTLEMANIA!!!
Edge def. John Cena in 23:17 to retain the WWE Championship
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The show opens with Triple H speaking backstage. “I’ve been around this business a long time, and eventually, you get a sixth sense for knowing who’s going to win. I was sitting backstage, watching Edge vs. John Cena on a monitor, and I knew the result before it even happened. But as cocky as Edge is, as smart as he thinks he is, he didn’t win that match. John Cena LOST that match. John Cena’s lack of intestinal fortitude doesn’t mean that Edge is suddenly a great champion! A real star would have outsmarted Edge…I would have outsmarted Edge. He considers himself the Ultimate Opportunist, he thinks he’s some sort of genius, but no matter how strategic he gets, he will NEVER be a Cerebral Assassin. John Cena missed his shot. I wouldn’t have.”
Edge disagrees with Triple H’s assessment, and looks to prove him wrong by granting him a title shot in a couple of weeks on Monday Night Raw. However, Triple H now says that he’s already proven that he’s more intelligent than the Rated R Superstar, because he successfully goaded the Champion into giving him a match. The week before the match, the two competitors have a contract signing, where they’re both a little more silent than usual. Right after the Champion signs his contract, he throws a punch across the table! But The Game has it scouted, and he kicks Edge right in the balls under the table! He’ll never be able to fuck Matt Hardy’s girl again! HHH throws Edge to the ropes and Spinebusters him through the table on the rebound as Lita looks on in horror! Triple H outsmarted Edge this week, but will he be able to do the same when it counts?
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Monday Night Raw - February 13, 2006: Greensboro Coliseum [Greensboro, NC]
Triple H vs. Edge (c) - WWE Championship
Very rarely are wrestling matches fought on the basis of intellectual superiority, but this isn’t most wrestling matches. Triple H has a track record of being a cold, intelligent, calculating machine of a wrestler, while Edge is sort of new to being conniving, despite how much success it has netted him so far. These two basically try to outcheat each other all game. Triple H brings in the sledgehammer, but the official stops him. The Game relents and hands the weapon off, but when the referee turns away, Hunter drops and tries to punch Edge in the dick! Having it scouted, the champion powders out of the ring. Later, Edge calls Lita up to the apron, and our trusty, blind ref tries to usher her away. While his back is turned, Edge rakes at Triple H’s eyes and then looks for the Edgecution! But Triple H connects with a low blow and rolls Edge up as the official turns around, netting a very close two count! This is a chess match!
Eventually, Lita hops onto the apron again, but Stephani McMahon appears out of nowhere to yank her down, and this mid-2000s crowd made up of social rejects cheers for a catfight. They boo the referee when he ejects them both, and this match turns into an actual wrestling match. Triple H looks for the Pedigree, but Edge twists out and Irish Whips him into the corner. Edge charges at him, but HHH dodges and allows the champion to hit the turnbuckles. Trip deliver a right hand and lifts Edge to the second rope, but Edge kicks him away! Edge dives at him, but The King of Kings dodges, and Edge lands awkwardly on his knee! He falls to the crowd, and the referee keeps HHH from piling the punishment on, attending to the champion. He helps Edge to his feet, keeping the challenger from attacking…BUT EDGE DARTS AT HIS OPPONENT OUT OF NOWHERE FOR A SPEAR! GOES TO THE CORNER SO HE CAN HIT A SECOND ONE WITH A BIGGER RUN-UP! CONNECTS! COVER! ONE…TWO…THREE! THE CEREBRAL ASSASSIN JUST GOT OUT-SMARTED!
Edge def. Triple H in 14:09 to retain the WWE Championship
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The following week, Triple H confronts Edge, angry about how Edge took the coward’s way out against him. Edge says that HHH was just too dumb to see it coming, and that sets The Game off! The two start brawling, and Triple H lands a Pedigree! But he doesn’t stand tall for long, because out comes John Cena, who didn’t appreciate the words that Hunter had for him a few weeks ago! He starts demolishing Trips, and goes into the Five Knuckle Shuffle! Shoulder Block! Shoulder Block! Ducks the punch and drops him! Triple H can’t see him! Cena runs the ropes…AND RUNS RIGHT INTO A SPEAR FROM THE WORLD CHAMPION! We’ve got three guys who hate each other equally, three top guys…and WWE management decides to turn it into a marquee WrestleMania match, to the dismay of the World Champion! But before he gets the chance to dispatch his two greatest enemies, there’s one more match on the Road to the WrestleMania…
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Monday Night Raw - March 6, 2006: BJCC Arena [Birmingham, AL]
Triple Threat Mixed Tag: Edge and Lita vs. Triple H and Stephanie McMahon vs. John Cena and Trish Stratus
We’ve got a man and his girlfriend, a man and his wife, and a man and his friend. Which bond will prove to be the strongest? There’s no shortage of wild moments in this one, such as Trish Stratus attempting to hit the Stratusfaction on Triple H, only for him to throw her out of the ring onto the two other women in the match! John Cena targets Edge as much as he can, but The Ultimate Opportunist always tags out to Lita, and good ol’ John is just too much of a hero to hit a woman. Cena, Triple H and Edge end up brawling onto the stage, allowing the women to face off. McMahon isn’t an actual wrestler, so she gets her shit kicked in, and it looks like Trish is about to pick up the win for her squad after landing the Stratusfaction on Steph! But out of nowhere, Lita hits the Litasault on both women, and covers Trish for the One…Two…THREE! Lita stands tall tonight, but will the same be said for her man on the Grandest Stage of Them All?
Edge and Lita def. John Cena & Trish Stratus and Triple H & Stephanie McMahon in 11:05
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WrestleMania 22 - April 2, 2006: Allstate Arena [Rosemont, IL]
John Cena vs. Triple H vs. Edge (c) - WWE Championship
The bell rings, and all three men take a beat, looking side to side at the other two. They all slowly make their way to the middle. The first to make a move is Triple H, who darts at Cena. Cena counters with an Arm Drag, then goes for Edge, who hits the former WWE Champion with an Arm Drag of his own, before rushing at Triple H, who blasts him with another Arm Drag! Back to the center, where Edge throws a Big Boot at Triple H, who catches it and hits Cena with Edge’s foot! Cena gets knocked back a bit, then Shoulder Tackles Edge, who bounces back to the ropes. Cena trips him on the rebound, and Triple H tries for an early Pedigree on the Rated-R Superstar, but gets cut off by an Uppercut from Cena! And it’s Edge with the Uppercut to Cena as well!
Cena is the only one standing right now, and as Triple H stands up, Cena puts him right back down with a Lariat! Edge sneaks up behind him and knocks Cena to his knees, before running the ropes! SPINNING HEEL KICK FROM EDGE! No, the former Doctor of Thuganomics reverses it, using Edge’ momentum against him with a Spinning Uranage! He picks Edge up, hits a couple more Uppercuts, and then tosses him out of the ring! Lines up, runs the ropes, and CENA LANDS THE BABE RUTH-ESQUE BASEBALL SLIDE DROPKICK, LAYING EDGE OUT! Gets back in the ring as Triple H finds his footing, AND HITS THE GAME WITH A LARIAT INTO THE COVER, ONLY FOR THE CEREBRAL ASSASSIN TO GET HIS SHOULDER UP AT TWO!
Cena is totally unfazed, but does want to end this match sooner rather than later, so he stands Triple H up in the middle of the ring, but this motherfucker can’t see him AS HE TRIES THE ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT! Triple H dips out of the way, Cena’s head pokes through the ropes, and from the outside, EDGE CONNECTS WITH A SHOT TO THE JAW! KNOCKS CENA BACK INTO TRIPLE H, WHO CAPITALIZES WITH A SPINEBUSTER! EDGE SCALES THE TOP ROPE AND HITS CENA WITH A DIVING SPLASH! TRIPLE H PICKS CENA UP AND HITS HIS FACEBUSTER, AND HE BOUNCES OFF INTO THE SPEAR FROM EDGE AND THE COVER! ONE… TWO… THR-NOOOO!!! CENA KICKS OUT OF THE SPEAR, DEFIANT AS EVER!!!
The alliance proves to be short-lived however, as Edge rises back to his swinging at the other man, but Triple H starts getting the upper hand! Edge, however, starts dodging and weaving, and he hits a few nice kicks to rock Triple H! Big Dropkick from The champion, and Triple H is down! AND HE HEAVES HIM BACK UP FOR THE EDGE-O-MATIC! AND HE TRIES FOR THE PIN! ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! Edge is undeterred, though, and he rolls Triple H out of the ring, where he and Cena start to find their footing at the same time. EDGE RUNS THE ROPES… AND A SECOND SPEAR ATTEMPT TOWARDS CENA MISSES! AND IT’S CENA FOR THE ATTEMPTED ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT… BUT EDGE KNOWS HIS FOE TOO WELL ALREADY, AND HE SLIPS DOWN HIS BACK, HEAVING HIM UP FOR THE ELECTRIC CHAIR FACEBUSTER BEFORE COLLAPSING ALONGSIDE HIM!!!
As he rises back to his feet, Edge looks desperate, fearing his title reign may come to a close if he doesn’t capitalize with something big, something fast, something NOW! Gets Cena up onto his feet as he calls for a second deadly Spear… BUT TRIPLE H COMES IN WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER AND HITS HIM RIGHT IN THE RIBS! HE DROPS CENA RIGHT ON HIS FACE AND FALLS TO THE MAT! Triple H starts hitting them both with his heavily fetishized sledgehammer, alternating over and over until he’s satisfied! The Cerebral Assassin seems to be an accurate nickname at the moment, because both of their fucking brains are leaking out of their skulls, and they’re dead! Picks Edge’s carcass up, KICKS HIM IN THE GUT AND PLANTS HIM WITH A PEDIGREE! DEEP COVER! ONE…TWO…THRE-AND CENA BREAKS IT UP BY PLUNGING THE SLEDGEHAMMER INTO TRIPLE H’S SPINE! ALL THREE MEN ARE DOWN!
Cena and Triple H are in a bad way, but Edge is worse. Triple H and Cena get to their feet and, too exhausted to do anything else, start trading punches! Triple H has volume, but Cena has power, and he starts chaining together Uppercuts in rapid succession! HE HAS TRIPLE H ROCKED ON THE ROPES, AND HE SPOTS EDGE GETTING TO HIS FEET IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING! HE RUSHES AT EDGE, LOOKING FOR A LARIAT TO FINISH HIM OFF, BUT EDGE TIMES A PERFECT SPEAR AS A COUNTER! BUT CENA MANAGES TO DODGE IT, AND TRIPLE H SPINS EDGE AROUND! KICK TO THE GUT! PEDIGREE! NOW IT’S CENA AND TRIPLE H IN THE RING, AND CENA LEAPS FOR THE QUICK ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT ATTEMPT BUT TO NO AVAIL, AS THE GAME ESCAPES! The Spinebuster attempt results in nothing for him however, as Cena’s able to shove his fellow challenger away, BEFORE LEAPING FOR THE SHOULDER TACKLES INTO THE ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT, TOSSING HIM ONTO EDGE! AND TO FOLLOW IT UP, ANOTHER ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT TO EDGE INTO THE COVER… ONE… TWO… THREE!!! JOHN CENA EMERGES VICTORIOUS YET AGAIN, FINALLY WINNING HIS CHAMPIONSHIP BACK FROM THE RATED-R SUPERSTAR!!!
John Cena def. Edge and Triple H in 23:49 to win the WWE Championship

I was thinking about this in the shower but Minthe and Persephone was really doomed by the narrative from the beginning as people in the other's eye, right? Like, there's no chance at any type of relationship besides vicious rivalry over Hades. Minthe was created to be the antithesis of Persephone. Where Minthe is crimson red, Persephone is neon pink. Where Minthe is slender and flat chested, Persephone is curve and busty. Minthe dresses in black, Perse in white. Minthe's hair is straight, thin and long where Perse's is short and when it's grown out, usually wavy and thick. Minthe is jaded, mature, hot-tempered, and sexy. Perse is naive, "pure", patient, and cute. Even down to their element nature (which I don't think was intentional, honestly), they are opposites. Minthe's hair begins to liquidity and ooze down her like river water or...mud (or Minthe, sweetie), while Persephone grows foliage and flowers.
Hell, even down to their situations they're meant to act as foils. Minthe is poor with a mother who is neglective and friends who all but one (Thanatos) abandoned her. If Minthe ever left Hades of her own free will, she'd have nothing. She's of the lowest class. Meanwhile Persephone has not just Demeter (which makes her so high on the rank if immortals she's basically a princess despite that B-Grade Nonsense), but an entire community of nymphs who loved and adore her. Several goddesses and gods who form a close family around her, including the Queen of the Gods, and Hades who speaks for himself. Plus the apparent entire Underworld. The only time she experienced poverty was when she ran away, and even that was at most a day. No matter what Perse did, regardless of what the narrative tells you, she never had to deal with the same real life issues that Minthe did. By the benefit of being herself, Persephone has several safety nets.
And that's the problem right? Cause in another story by a better writer, Persephone and Minthe would have been excellent foils for each other if they were allowed to be anything other than love rivals. They aren't allowed to see the other person as a person--it's always in context of Hades and his feelings.
Even when they do acknowledge each other's beauty--which could have served as a jumping off point for at least a complicated relationship—it's only to compare themselves to the other. Persephone sees Minthe as beautiful and thin but besides a quick shuffle of her clothing and a blush, it's quickly pushed away. Meanwhile, Minthe can only size herself up in the mirror and see what she's lacking against Persephone's considerable bust. There's nothing there for them BUT to see each other as competition and it's sad because the narratives demands that they be pitted against each other.
Persephone doesn't see Minthe as a real enough person to even become guilty over her emotional affair Hades. She muses happily (for a second) that maybe if she tells Hades about the Tower 4 incident, Minthe will be fired and homeless. Minthe can only see Persephone as a possible replacement for herself and her writing doesn't give the empathy (despite how clearly experienced she is) to realized that Persephone is just new model, she's a young teenager. When Minthe warns Persephone about Hades' obvious red flags, what should have been a moment between two women about the potential danger of this much older man instead becomes Minthe trying to scare Persephone off.
Rachel doesn't allow these two women anything but contempt and jealousy for the other. Again, for a “feminist“comic that's supposed to be about empowerment, one of the earliest relationships with screen time is between two women having a catfight over a dude. Any nuance that they two could have had got thrown out the window the second she decided that Persephone had to be a gentle pink and Minthe had to be a bloody red.

1. Something Zombozo This Way Comes 3/5 (Always enjoyed seeing the freak trio, glad for a return even though Acid Breath's Omni-design is terrible. His design worked when the show had a more, relatively realistic style than cartoony. He looked disgustingly freaky. Not sure if it was intentional but I found it neat how Ben used Wildmutt to threaten Zombozo (even though it wasn't him) when in his first appearance, he squealed and hid as Wildmutt)
   
2. Mystery, Incorporeal 4/5 (These visual Scooby Doo references are pretty odd style of referencing for this show, especially the door sequence, although funny. Starting to enjoy Juryrigg more as opposed to when I first saw him and he just seemed like another lazy alien added with the others at the end of Ultimate Alien. Not a fan of Ghostfreaks design and voice. Why is he yellow, and why is his head pointy? He was already simple and creepy. That could not be so hard to integrate into Omniverse. And I know it's the same voice actor but now he speaks so quickly and high pitched. Couldn't help but get annoyed at Ben just banging the door in his human form for minutes instead of just going Big Chill or something)
   
3. Bengeance Is Mine 4/5 (He's a big fat guy with a beard. Is Psyphon retarded or something? Especially when he drags him along to do plumbing? And why'd Ben use Bullfrag to fight a herd of squid monsters? Does not seem optimal. He's just a humanoid frog)
   
4. An American Benwolf in London 4/5 (K more obscure one-time character return. Hi, Kai. Why is she so obsessed with Benwolf? She's hot though)
   
5. Animo Crackers 4/5 (So they acknowledge that this Animo traveled to the past, assuming the Ben 10,000 episode IS the canon future. I've already heard about how Ben's future always changes when he meets his future self, given that do be how time travel work, but it's still stupid annoying retconning. I do really love future Animo though. Giant white gorilla body, that's epic. Gutrot... I sleep. Neat idea for a unique power compared to what his all his other aliens can do, but the design is annoying me. Yet ANOTHER alien who looks like he's just covered with armor or made up of metal. It just looks like a lame suit. And "Farting" gas... That was a new low. Still, I hope his powers are utilized for more unique fight sequences later)
   
6. Rad Monster Party 3/5 (Huh, so this is the first time we hear Ghostfreaks name. I've been pronouncing it differently as I've ever only read it on the wiki before. If Ben wanted to be able to walk about in the streets, why didn't he just turn into Benviktor? Or Benmummy? Or Benwolf?? Speaking of which, what is this place, a planet where all these species reside? Are they all native to it?)
   
7. Charmed, I'm Sure 3/5 (Charmcaster is very, very confusing. She didn't really like Ben or Ben's team but she seemed to stop being essentially mortal enemies with them after she got stuck in Ledgerdomain. She wasn't exactly nice but all she tried to do in her last appearances were bring her father back and date Michael. Ben and gang just got in the way. But now she still turns on Ben and wants to utterly destroy him. Also, fuck Swampfire's new form. It's nowhere near the level of other Omniverse aliens but the previous one was so much cooler. Now I don't want to see Swampfire again)
   
8. The Vampire Strikes Back 3/5 (Why is Ghostfreaks head not upside down anymore? And he has a hood and a scythe. Why are they trying to make him look like the grim reaper? Whampire stinks. It's just... A vampire. Except he doesn't look cool or interest me in any way shape or form. Welp, I'm tired of roasting Omniverse aliens. Thankfully, this is the last new transformation. Finally they are leaving Anur Transyl. These episodes were fun, but a bit of a drag)
   

49/50. And Then There Were None/And Then There Was Ben 5/5 (That opening was some mind boggling stuff. Well, the entire episode(s) was. All this dimension traveling brings up so many questions though. Like, in the Gwen 10 dimension, do Ben and Gwen still grow up to be best friends? Does Ben fight villains alongside Gwen 10 into their older years too? And why did Paradox go and pick up Gwen from the same evening she found the Omnitrix? Seems like it'd be optimal to grab her a few years later.
The timebomb is confusing. It's supposed to destroy every other timeline besides the one they're in, which somehow eradicates all the Bens who are currently in this one. Or so Vilgax claims, yet it also destroys Gwen and Albedo, who are not alternate Bens. But Vilgax remains unaffected. Even more questions; Imagine these poor Bens whos lives were stolen to just become Vilgaxs minions. And they've grown up as bad guys. Now that they're sent back to their timelines they will most certainly just wreak havoc and be villains. Are there Galactic Enforcers or other superheroes in these dimensions who have to save the day from Ben Tennyson, the evil supervillain? Pretty freaky to imagine.
One interesting thing about this episode is how it doesn't focus on Ben at all. Not our Ben, anyway. We're just thrown into this new totally different Ben and his life to see his origin story and character arc, assuming he becomes a plumber, just without an Omnitrix. Surprisingly I got pretty invested in him though, and this episode has the most notably good music of any episode so far, particularly the truly epic scenes such as Ben Prime disappearing, leaving the Omnitrix for No Watch Ben (gave me chills). Ben originally finding the Omnitrix again, and all the good Bens transforming to beat up Vilgax. Some might have actually just been the same music cue, but nevertheless, they served to make the scenes a lot more powerful than I've ever felt Ben 10 be, making it feel more emotional and heroic. I also really wanna compliment the animation on this one scene in particular. Just thought it look incredibly cool how Ben transforms glitchy in the air as Gwen bumps him. Lastly... How'd the Omnitrix just fall off No Watch Ben? The Omnitrix is supposed to ATTACH itself to ones wrist and merge with the DNA. He just takes it off and throws it! And how do so many other Ben's have an alteration of the Omniverse-trix? I doubt Azmuths would have made these new ones for Vilgaxs Ben army)

1. Catfight 4/5 (Another good example of a fully comedy driven episode done well. Although why is Ben able to stay as Rath for hours throughout the evening? Attea is still cute as usual, can't get enough of her accent. I'm not even sure what kind of accent it is, but it's adorable. Did they really feel a need to get the word "p@ssy" in the show though? Yeah, I know it means cat, but come on...)
   
2. Collect This 2/5 (Ben using Arctiguana for once made me realize how underused he really is in the show, which is a shame given how cool he seemed when we first saw Ben 10K as him. What. The. Hell is up with Simian though? This is one of the most radical character designs I've ever seen... I would never be able to tell it was him. Why does he have that terrible haircut? Scratch that, why does he have HAIR like a human? Wasn't a fan of these on the nose references to the show itself. Yeah we get it fans don't like the new Mr. Smoothie and prefer the show darker. It's a valid criticism. I do enjoy the goofyness of Omniverse. But sometimes I do think it's way too much, even the original series wasn't like this. What the heck was this though?? These anime-esque jokes are so out of place for the show, and it's always strange when they do it)
   
3. The Vengers 2/5 (I keep asking myself why I'm not just giving this a 1. Can't put it quite into words but it isn't atrocious enough to get that low. Still bad, though. As for some good aspects, I complained about background aliens being pretty bad in this show but the one The Vengers hired to fake intimidate Ben was really cool looking. He's probably been seen before, but it's the first time I've noticed it. Just wanted to compliment. Also cool to see Cannonbolt again, feels like it's been a long time. Btw, epic Spiderman 2 reference)
   
4. Cough It Up 3/5 (Yeah so I already know Spanner isn't Jimmy, but frankly, that would have been cool. I like Jimmy, he's passionate about his hobby of alien research and journalism. Don't get why Ben is so dismissive of him. Again, he seemed to like him enough in Ultimate Alien)
   
5. The Rooters of All Evil 4/5 (So this is the epic moment where people got annoyed at the Omniverse retcons? Frankly I can accept them, given they don't actually break any continuity, but it's still annoying. I do like Kevin just being a human with unique abilities better than some alien hybrid, that was stupid from the start. The retcons that DO annoy me mostly are the fact that supposedly the ordeal with Kevin's dad didn't actually fucking happen. I ALREADY found it stupid when they revealed it the first time (albeit in a really good episode) but don't backtrack on it NOW... Also Manny, Helen, Alan etc being the result of humans genetically mutated with different species DNA... Fucking.... STOP!!!!! It was silly that they were all half humans to begin with, despite not looking human in the slightest, given how they could just have been a full member of their species with the plot not being different at all. I genuinely let out the biggest sigh at that part. Oh well, it is what it is. I still really liked the idea in Alien Force that Max were training these soon-to-be Plumbers similarly to how he trained Ben, so at least the fact that that HAPPENED is still in tact. Anyway despite my very heavy complaints here the episode itself was good and interesting. Not surprising given how much I like Kevin. Also that ending made me hyped for what's coming next)
   
6. Blukic and Driba Go to Area 51 4/5 (Even more character coincidences. Max met Blukic and Driba before Ben was even born, apparently. Is this before or after Moonstruck? Pretty cool that we got to see the Galvans early life stage though. That one Galvan leader was absolutely ridiculous though, he looked exactly like a frog... What's up with that?)
   
7. No Honor Among Bros 3/5 (Alright, Fistrick and Fistina suck, but "bro" Rook is pretty funny)
   
8. Universe vs. Tennyson 3/5 (I already found the existence of Celestialsapiens in the show to be a dumb idea, but at the very least it was explained well enough that their existence really doesn't matter for the most part, with the fact that they merely existed in a plane outside of, well, existence, and while there they were merely beings who, while omnipotent in the same vein as GOD, most of their time is spent arguing with their own two personalities to the point where they rarely get around to doing anything world changing and if they do, it's minor, or big things that, to us, had already happened anyway. So why do they now suddenly care about some laws of the universe? They were suing him for money?? Also pretty dumb to comment on Azmuth's appearance and voice. Like, yeah it's changed but you aren't really supposed to acknowledge it. In real life it's obviously explained as changing voice actors but in-universe, in most shows, it's just explained as... Well not explained at all, what their current voice is is just how they always sounded, it just sounded different to the viewer before. But I'm picky because I really don't like 4th wall jokes that break the immersion. But also, a Highbreed. Cool)
   

59/60. Weapon XI 4/5 (Kevins memories were erased and he was intended to get close to Ben to serve Servantis plan? I mean, sure... Except he only became part of Ben's team through them accidentally encountering him illegally selling weapons!! Kevins "betrayal" made me pretty sad actually, since it seemed to be genuine. I really loved him announcing yet again that Ben is his best friend although Omniverse hasn't really done much to show that since whenever Kevin's around he seems overall very distant from Ben or just pissed off at him all the time, as opposed to UAF when they were actually seen having fun with one another. Speaking of, I find Gwen and Kevins relationship even stranger... They keep calling each other babe and Kevin's constantly sticking up for her when people say mean things and like yea those are things couples do but they never did that before. They don't seem like that kinda couple. It's just strange. Also geez, another epic coincidence that Ben had actually previously met the two Plumbers he encountered capturing DNAliens and sending them to the null void. Also both these new Kevin Omnitrix mishmashes look terrible. Not threatening or cool at all like the previous two. Lastly, uh... Helen, Servantis had nothing to do with Pierces death. It was some random Forever Knights who killed him, totally removed from this situation.
Does Ben have full control of Alien X now, given he just turned into him and moved around with no problems? If so, that's idiotic, and exactly the kinda thing I hated Alien X for in the first place but am glad he was never able to. Unless something after this comes up that contradicts this, my headcanon is simply that he has physical control of the body but not the full omnipotence without the consent of Bellicus and Serena, and that all he can do is move around in it, punch really strong and use telekinesis)

1. Clyde Five 1/5 (It's just kinda pointless and lame. Here we just get to see this Napoleon Dynamite parody goof around. I don't care)
   
2. Rook Tales 3/5 (Revonnahgander culture is really intriguing to me because of how in-depth it is. And the fact that this traditional guy who hates technology is now basically a cyborg, pretty interesting. Despite not a very phenomenal episode, the ending has me interested to see him again. Side note, liked that one of the alien species from The Big Tick made a cameo at the ending here. Fans like me always appreciate this stuff)
   
3. Charm School 4/5 (You know, I kinda forget Hex even exists, given how he has pretty much not done anything since his last episode of the original series. I can buy him going straight though, given how he hasn't really done anything except take over the world in that one alternate timeline which obviously didn't happen anyway, so technically all he's done is let Gwen take a book to help Charmcaster, who, herself pretty much took his spotlight as the better and more interesting magic villain. Sidenote, I know it's been seen before but Kevins new car sucks. Doesn't look nearly as cool as his original)
   
4. The Ballad of Mr. Baumann 4/5 (Pretty neat how the episode is told throughout several years. Kinda stupid explanation of why Vulkanus has a tiny body though. Just assumed that's what Detrovites looked like. Then again I SUPPOSE it doesn't align with Technorg so... Sure, it's an ignorable retcon. Gets a pass from me)
   
5. Fight at the Museum 4/5 (Is this a Chamalien lady? She looks way too humanoid. All these Spanner shenanigans are getting silly. He already exists, meaning they will end up together, so is he stupid or something? Why is he trying to force them together, unless he somehow messed up a timeline and is now traveling back to fix it, which would be pretty interesting since we usually see time travel stories from the perspective of our characters in the "now", and the timeline they have messed up. Never really the timeline they are currently attempting to fix. It would be pretty neat but, perhaps I am overanalyzing and it really isn't this clever)
   
6. Breakpoint 4/5 (It wasn't exactly made clear that Ben was getting "too close to the case" other than the fact that he took some nutritional advice from Fistrick, which didn't exactly convince me he was getting "in" with the bros. But I did enjoy seeing Wildvine for an extended period)
   
7. The Color of Monkey 3/5 (Alright so this has definitely been in the show but this is the first time I fully noticed how frequently Simian (and by extension probably Spidermonkey too) says "ooh ooh" after nearly every sentence. Argit and Simian seems like a fun combo though, frankly I would have preferred for them to just have the episode for themselves with Ben playing a background role. I am disappointed Argit is still up to no good when he seems to really wanna redeem himself as well. Minor things I can pass, but really trying to sell a baby to be eaten?)
   
8. Vreedlemania 2/5 (Goddammit I don't wanna see any more Vreedle episodes! I liked the original Vreedle brothers, I really do, but they never get the spotlight anymore, it's always Ma and now there are even more of them! Speaking of Ma, her scaring Vilgax was... Just not very good. Yeah, I get it, Ma Vreedle is supposed to be uber frightening, but could you really imagine Vilgax doing this? That's the joke, of course, but it totally kills any respect you had for him... As a villain of course)
   

69/70. It's a Mad, Mad, Mad Ben World 4/5 (A bit confusing here; is Maltruant from the Mad Ben dimension? Because he's Mad Ben's boss by the time we see him. If so, why did he specifically travel to our prime dimension for aid from Psychobos, Exo-Skull and... The Chamalien lady? Or maybe he just picked a universe at random that wasn't a total wreckage. Also, how does Ben 23 have all the same aliens our Ben has? Most I can understand, but how does he have any of the Andromeda aliens, when the circumstances to Ben unlocking those were very specific and clearly did not happen in Dimension 23? They were always in the Omnitrix, of course, but what a coincidence Ben 23 would only unlock aliens that Ben Prime has, and no others. Would have been cool to see him use aliens Ben Prime didn't have. The Mad Dimension is even more confusing. The universe is huge, and the events leading up to Ben and Rook becoming partners were also very specific, so how, in the whole wide universe, did Rook specifically end up as Mad Ben's lackey, on earth?)

1. From Hedorium to Eternity 3/5 (Well I suppose this explain how Lucy was aware of Kevins existence in a flashback before. Don't understand the point of adding all these backstories like how Gwen seemingly had a slight thing for Kevin before. Also what's this other random kid doing here? He contributed nothing that couldn't have been managed without him)
   
2. Stuck on You 4/5 (I thought I was gonna hate Skurd when I first heard about his existence but seeing it for myself, it isn't bad and while still a toy ploy, his introduction is thoroughly explained and I can get behind it. Doesn't mean I don't find the concept stupid. Obvious toy baiting powers like a Bloxx cannon. Accompanied by the very tired "stepping on Legos hurt" joke. I always enjoy more Khyber though)
   
3. Let's Do the Time War Again 3/5 (Find it neat that the whole episode is essentially set during the same 5 minutes only. That said, Ben 10K's fusions suck. They are also just toy baiting attempts and I can't stand them. It's still better than Ultimate Ben, because this makes more sense as fusions were already proven to be canonically possible in the original series. They still sick though. Side not, regarding this time travel bit, I choose to believe whenever a Ben 10K from the future tampers with the past, once they return to their future, they sort of fade from existence and fuses with the future of themseleves they just affected, similarly to how the Ben and Rook who were a few minutes older fused with the old ones. They didn't branch off and remain in their own timeline, they just became each other. I mean if this didn't happen, time travel would have no use, cause in that case if Ben 10K travels to the past to stop an enemy from becoming mega powerful in his present, the past he affected would branch off into a new timeline, and his future with the powerful enemy would literally still exist, meaning altering the past is literally impossible. So my theory makes more sense, and is also less annoying canonically)
   
4. Secret of Dos Santos 3/5 (There's nothing wrong with this, it's just an okay setup episode for what's to come, but nothing note worthy on its own. Man this Galvan is ugly though. Are they just getting lazier with the designs?)
   
5. Third Time's a Charm 3/5 (I, uh... I liked the fact that Ben tricked Charmcaster by having Skurd hide Bezel. That's about it. If this is the end of Charmcaster it's pretty strange and anticlimactic and a bummer)
   
6. The Final Countdown 4/5 (Kundo is awesome. I really liked him as a villain who was more than just "I will rule the universe", but rather, he wants to purify it of technology. The cliffhanger in his last appearance made me excited to see him again so it's disappointing this is pretty much the end of the series, and he is immediately defeated pretty anticlimactically here)
   
7. Malgax Attacks 3/5 (Uhh... Hmm... I don't really have anything to say. I'm having the same issue with most of these final few episodes in which they seem pretty generic and there really isn't much to note. Oh, Albedo wants to destroy Azmuth... Again. Vilgax is there to... Fight Ben... Again. Bah. Speaking of that, the goofy music played during the Vilgax fight when he got Skurd back was strange. Perhaps a more suspense building theme would have been appropriate?)
   
8. The Most Dangerous Game Show 2/5 (Kinda funny, but, stupid. It again annoys me how this alien is just a green human. But also, why do all the women even agree to participate? Imagine being teleported from wherever you currently are and forced to compete in a game show. How about you simply don't?)
   

79/80. The End of an Era/A New Dawn 4/5 (It's cool how this starts out with Ben 10K but it's a bummer how quickly they leave him and don't ever return. I was about to ask why Ben 10K specifically requested they get his past self at this specific time to help, but of course, he has Skurd, who ends up being essential, and he remembers doing it, so he knew they'd win. The Ben 10K future annoys me a little, though. Argit is the president of earth? Seriously? And his design is just awful. And what's with the awkward tension between Ben and Kevin? Seems Kev has some problems with his anger, I guess. Side note, why they'd have to ruin the illusion of time by making Argit mention the year of the next election? In the LAST episode. I always appreciate shows that never mention any specific year, meaning the episodes pretty much takes place whenever you watch them.
Anyway this was not really series finale material in my opinion. Yeah yeah, the universe was created as a result of Ben. That's great, I guess? Just some ridiculous BS to make the finale epic, but it's a bit too much. The rest of the episode is just filled with Ben goofing around with George Washington and beating up Maltruant (who Mark Hamill plays amazingly, I must add). Good episode, not great, and anticlimactic for a series finale)

Sometimes I wonder if you were just a dream.
It took me a long time to get used to sleeping alone again. Seemed like a stupid thing to notice considering all the shit that went down when we had our explosive breakup, but it's the one that sticks with me. Without you, the bed just feels so large and cold and empty, like there's a huge hole I have to try and fill somehow. Silly, sure, but it's there. There were plenty of other little things, too. It wasn't so much that there were things around my small city apartment that reminded me of you. The opposite, actually. The things that kept you in my head was everything that wasn't there.
Not having to push your toothbrush out of the way to get mine. Not having a little spat over who gets what side of the closet. Not hearing you groan because I forgot to roll up your socks when I did laundry. Not having to announce loudly what I was getting for breakfast or a snack so you could yell back your affirmation or condemnation. Not scrolling through our streaming services and our Youtube feed trying to decide what to watch together longer than we would actually watch it. Not smelling your perfume, or the scent of your shampoo in your hair when your head is on my shoulder.
Maybe all that corny bullshit is true, and absence makes the heart grow fonder. I know that as we screamed at each other and I watched you go out the door for the last time, the idea of missing you was about as far from my mind as possible. When that door slammed and silence descended upon my apartment, I wouldn't have thought it wouldn't go away. Even when I'm playing my loud metal music, even when I'm watching cheesy horror movies, even when I have friends or a one night stand over, it's quiet. Even when there's so much noise that I can barely hear myself think, it's quiet. It's quiet because you aren't there anymore, and I miss the sound of your voice.
Everyone always said we made an absolutely terrible couple. We fought constantly, bickered nonstop, and the only times we took a break were to fuck. Sometimes I was pretty sure we picked fights just for the make up sex after, it was so good. Passionate. Burning. Powerful. It was the kind of angry fucking that left us gasping for breath, muscles aching, legs too weak to move, and every tendon in our bodies burning and sore, bodies covered in sweat and come. I know we broke a couple of our headboards, and plenty of furniture, both from fights and fucking alike.
Everyone thinks we were a terrible couple, and all my friends and family tell me that I'm much better off without you, but I miss you. I can't stop thinking about you. And every time that I go to one of the nightclubs where we would go to grind on each other and make out before fucking like animals in the bathroom, alley, or even my car, I hope that maybe I'll see you. Maybe I'll catch sight of you, our eyes meeting, and we can have. . . I don't know. Closure.
I just know that if I had the chance, I would at least make sure that we had one hell of a last ride into the sunset.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Hi there, everyone! I am looking for a partner that plays a woman that is the ex-girlfriend of my character, Hailey. I would like to play out these two women finding each other again and engaging in one of their classic hate-fucks, only to find that maybe, they want to give each other a shot again.
Hailey can be customized according to your tastes and interests, but I envision her as a young slender tomboy goth-punk, plenty of black, graphic t-shirts, ripped up jeans, and colored hair with raccoon eyes. The reason we broke up can be talked about, as that will massively impact how we write this out. Maybe one of us cheated on the other, or we just couldn't take the fighting anymore, or who knows what else!
You can be absolutely anyone you want. A mature woman that had an itch for a younger, a fellow punk, a shy nerd, a preppy extrovert, let your imagination run wild! I only ask that your character is female, as that is where my interest is right now. I like to use visual references for bodies, faces, and outfits, but you do not have to! If you are a man or want to play a man or trans woman and are interested in this prompt, you can message me if you have a really fun or creative idea, but I cannot guarantee I will want to write it out at this time.
I am an advanced literate writer capable of multi-paragraph to novella length replies, though not everything needs to be that long. While I don't expect you to be GRR Martin, I do expect at least basic literacy and a capacity to write a few paragraphs. There's nothing more frustrating than putting a ton of work and thought into a long reply and getting absolutely nothing in return, something I am sure you can sympathize with.
My kinks that can be relevant to this are: hate sex, cunnilingus, public, exhibitionism, voyeurism, slapping, choking, tears, smeared makeup, punk/goth outfits, sexy outfits, costumes, analingus, strapons, toys, BDSM, sexual competitions, body worship, body envy, body comparison, dirty talk, name calling, degradation, romance, aftercare, and lots of kissing and hands! I could be convinced to do watersports, raceplay, politicsplay, or orientationplay if you're into that and can think of a fun way to work it in. If you happen to be an agonophiliac and enjoy catfighting or sexy wrestling, then you catapult to the front of the line, but it is very much not necessary.
If you are interested in writing this out with me, please just send me a PM (Not a chat, as I do not check that very often if ever) with 'Sunset' in the subject line. That will be the password to let me know you read my entire ad through all the way. If you don't include it, then I am sorry but I will not reply to your message. Tell me about your character ideas for yourself, your kinks and limits, and if you would be interested in making this a long-term romance story.
I look forward to hearing from you!

OMG, fellow Real Housewives of Beverly Hills fanatics! Can we just talk about how insanely addictive this show is? I swear, it's my guilty pleasure, and I'm not even sorry about it.
First things first, the drama is next-level. Like, I can't even believe the stuff that goes down in 90210. It's like every episode is a rollercoaster of shade, catfights, and jaw-dropping moments. I mean, who needs scripted TV when you've got these glamorous ladies going at it in real life?
And the glam! Can we talk about the fashion, darling? These women are living my dream wardrobe, and I am here for it. I practically live for those fabulous dinner parties where they're all dressed to the nines, and you just know some major drama is about to unfold. The glam squads these ladies have are basically the unsung heroes of the show.
Now, let's get into the iconic cast. Lisa Vanderpump, Kyle Richards, Erika Jayne – they're basically my spirit animals. Each one brings their own flair to the table, and the dynamics between them are like a soap opera on steroids. I'm living for the one-liners, the side-eye glances, and the not-so-subtle shade.
But, seriously, I can't be the only one who's emotionally invested in these Housewives' lives. The lavish lifestyles, the drama-filled parties, the gorgeous mansions – it's like peeking into a world that's equal parts fascinating and insane.
And don't even get me started on the reunions. Those episodes are like the Super Bowl of reality TV. The drama comes to a head, and the gloves are off. I grab my popcorn, settle in, and prepare for the verbal fireworks. It's pure entertainment gold.
So, fellow RHOBH enthusiasts, who's your favorite Housewife, and what's been your favorite moment so far? Let's spill the tea and dish on all things 90210! 🍵💎 #RHOBH #GuiltyPleasure #TeamLisaVanderpump

Finished this book last night, there wasn't any discussion in this sub about it so wanted to ask, Did anyone or know or finish this book ?
My review (Spoiler Free): Its an engaging page-turner mystery with some occult. I enjoyed the simple writing style and book didn't feel lengthy at any point. I also believe it's great if you wanna start mystery novels in general, If you already read a lot of mystery, you might be able to guess the final twists to some extent. The main plot involves four drunk engineering students who decide to play with Ouija board in the middle of the night on a chilly winter night in Kurukshetra, India.They suffer the repercussions the next morning, and twenty years later because someone else also knows what happened that night.
Review (with SPOILERS): Things I loved about this: - The page turning mystery, the writer definitely creates a great mystery from the get go, the entire plot of the night in question unravels at a steady and a sort of teasing fun pace. - The characterisation is decent, the four friends know what's on stake and act accordingly most of the time and to their personalities, I personally didn't connect to their friendship, but I do like the attempt for a more realistic version of a female friendship, especially parts like When the two women like the same man its not a bitchy catfight and just plain awkward.
Things I didn't love: - There is NO FREAKING WAY Reet was able to hack all of there devices left right and center with some makeshift software by an ex military hacker This book is also plagued by that >! "Yayyy hAcKeRmAn magic", no way she was not caught by Katherine and so many other cyber crime experts from NY, London, Singapore and Mumbai, sure she apparently has money but it was no where explained how she was able to hack and keep it going to such extent!< The final parts of the book seems like it was written in a hurry, the actual twists are kind of underwhelming. >! Involvement of Mathew and his ex military intelligence support was the only ok part that personally feel could have any basis!< - I was really expecting these women to tackle the hacker by their wit, but nothing of that sort happens, the small >! part of sending Katherine's phone to NY and not her !< was also left pointlessly, whatever happens, happened because hacker wanted it, dude you are all women living in these big cities, get burner phones, abandon your devices, do something, why are you using the same devices. No way you can do it only online. - >! Finally Reet being behind all of it was atleast somewhat predictable, her being a caring roomate to a lover just makes it more apparent that she is behind all of it, I wish there was a misdirect of some sort that made us kind of believe that reet can't be behind this!<
The reason I'm ranting more about this is, this book was actually pretty nice, and the story had amazing potential, I'm definitely planning to pick up more of the author's books. Cheerios :)