Poems for daughters birthday

My MIL & FIL live in a 3 bedroom lake house about 4 hours from us. My husband’s aunt and 2 adult cousins are flying in from Alaska for July 4th. The only come to the state every two years. But will be on our side of the state the week after. My MIL has been asking us about coming up for the 4th since Nov. He agreed without talking with me. I have seen her several times since then and have said “I’m not sure what we have going on”. We have been together for 5 years and have spent 3 July 4th’s with them. So there’s somewhat of an expectation that we go up there for the 4th. We didn’t last year because I was 9 months pregnant.
My husband (35) and I (28) have a 10 month old. I don’t want to go for a multitude of reasons. His father has made several derogatory comments about my body that make it hard for me to want to go spend the weekend around him in a swimsuit.
I have several safety concerns regarding my daughter. They have several large dogs and 2 have displayed aggression. 4 unfixed males so there’s a dog fight almost every time we’re there. We’ve been up there 2x since she was born and both times we were promised the dogs would stay put up & they weren’t. Several times my MIL encouraged the dogs to get near my daughter. I have voiced my concerns about this several times and each time my concerns are validated but when we’re physically there the dogs end up getting out and staying out.
They have a very steep/slippery walk to their dock and the only safe way to get out there is through the back yard where they keep the large agressive dogs. Their boat is quite old and has had a number of mechanical issues. They also usually let the dogs on the boat with them.
This is where I think I may be being a bit petty. His brother and SIL are coming into town splitting their time up between his parents and our house May 25- June 7th. They are spending the first week (Memorial Day Weekend) with his parents. My husband originally wanted us to drive separately so he could spend the whole week up there. I refused to drive with my baby 4 hours through two major cities alone. So we agreed to be there for 2-3 days. My family planned a vacation to the beach to spread my grandma’s ashes June 13-18. Everyone is going, aunts uncles, my parents, siblings, nephew, etc. We planned on going but bc his brother and SIL are going to be here the two weeks before we can’t go on my family trip. He can’t miss that much work during wheat harvest. (He’s a John Deere mechanic). I could still go but I don’t want to bc it’s his first Father’s Day and his birthday and that just feels wrong. My thought process is since I’m missing my family vacation because of his family I don’t want to spend the 4th with his parents. We will have been there the month before. I’d rather spend it with my family (who will likely be gathering for the 4th but haven’t confirmed plans yet).
His parents have been an issue with us off and on for years. I knew how he was about his parents before we got married. He would go up there monthly. This is the only source of contention in our marriage but it is a big one. I don’t know how to talk with him about this without bringing up the same points I’ve discussed several times. It feels we have reached an impasse. Should I just suck it up and go for the 4th or dig my heels in and cause contention and likely a fight?

This isn’t something I would normally post but I am hoping it’ll be cathartic for me. This might be a long one and a bit of a mess so feel free to skip if you’re not interested in the read.
I 28f up until last August I was in a relationship with who we’ll call ‘M’ 24f for almost 2 years. We met on hinge. In general I’m very shy and not very confident person, and definitely new to dating as I spent most of my teens and early 20’s in the closet due to internalized homophobia. So I don’t have much experience dating. That context is important for the story. By all accounts, M was probably out of my league, (that’s what I told myself, again I have zero self confidence ) she was attractive, smart, came from a good family and on the surface a nice girl. The beginning the relationship was fine, she was in uni for medicine and her school schedule was pretty demanding. We’d only see each other maybe one every month in the beginning of the relationship, I understood she was busy with school and honestly I was still feeling lucky that she chose me to date.
A few months go by and we still remain only seeing each other once a month because her school schedule was so demanding. This is when the red flags start to wave, her school schedule was so demanding yet she was in multiple choirs that she would sing in once a week. She made time for choir but when I asked to hang out I was made to feel like a bother. Plus she played DND with at least 2 different groups of people.
Early in the relationship we were in her car after she dropped me off I asked if we could see each other a little more and she had a strange reaction, I didn’t want to seem needy so I backed off and later apologized via text. She responded with; “sometimes I just like to be alone.” Which as an introvert; I get 100%, so I let it be. But like….we only saw each other once a month as it was…..how could you possibly be alone any more??? I was always the one to ask to hang out, always. And every time I did I would sheepishly ask if she had some free time that weekend to hang out, because I felt like such a bother to her. I’m not exaggerating when I say we would easily go 3-5 weeks without seeing each other in person. We would text every day. But seeing her in person was a luxury. But don’t worry she always had time for choir every single week. Twice a week. Or DND. But seeing her girlfriend was too much strain on her school schedule.
I was always the one to text first. Whether it was good morning, or saying good night. Later in the relationship I wouldn’t text her just to see how long it would take her to text me that day, most time it wasn’t until 3-4 pm that I heard from her.
We never had sex, we barely even kissed.(which isn’t really important to me but damn). It was so difficult to have alone time with her so there was quite literally never an opportunity for intimacy. Towards the end of our relationship we would watch the bachelorette with her mom at her place, so we never had alone time for the last 3 months of dating.
For both valentines days we were together I sent flowers and chocolate to her house. She didn’t get me anything. For my 27th birthday we went out with my friends, and a small part of me wondered if she would offer to pay for my meal. Nope. She also didn’t get me a birthday gift or even a card. Flash forward to Christmas I get her a 250$ makeup palette that she always talked about and a blanket from her favourite K-Pop band. I got an xbox gift card and a cookbook. I need to emphasize that I DO NOT CARE ABOUT presents, I just literally wanted any sort of acknowledgment that she cared about me at all. I also feel the need to point out she has money, both her parents are lawyers and they are very well off and she gets paid to go to school because her field is very specialized. I was raised by a single mother and while I have my own career now, I’m far from rich. But I always went above and beyond to make her feel special and she did the bare minimum. Sometimes not even the bare minimum. This next one really bothered me; its my 28th birthday and I hadn’t mentioned it was coming up. A sick part of me wanted to see if she would remember, I know it’s stupid to test people in a relationship but I was genuinely curious to see if she would remember. It comes the day of my birthday, and I don’t hear from her until 3:30 pm. “Happy Birthday!” That was it. I was floored. A couple days later she managed to squeeze me into her schedule and we go out for dinner. Again, didn’t pay for my meal. For her birthday we went to a nice restaurant and I paid for the entire fucking thing it was almost 150$. Don’t worry she got me an xbox gift card though……..
But the worst part, beyond not seeing each other was how she treated me and made me feel. In the beginning she was very nice and kind, but slowly I think her true colours came out. She’s very smart, but she needs to be right all the time. Like literally every single conversation she needs to come out as right. I was never allowed to have my own opinions, she would make me feel stupid and correct me every time. I’m a bit of a goof and like to be silly, but she would look at me like I was an idiot, if I did a pretend British accent she would criticize it and tell me to stop. In the end I felt like a shell of myself. I was terrified to say something stupid. She would call out every single thing I did, if I merged a lane early while driving, called out (that actually happened). If I wiped my mouth after every bite, called out. If I said something she would have to google it to prove she was right or at least prove that I was wrong.
I would participate in her family activities, like birthdays and holidays. Side note: her family is lovely. I got especially close with her mom. Her mother is a sweetheart, a lovely human being and she treated me better than her daughter ever did. Her mom and I even snap chatted every day. M wouldn’t open my snaps for days and I could see when she was online. As weird as it might seem, I would have rather hung out with her mom than her. There were a couple times when we were with her mom, that M would call me out on something trivial and even her own mother was picking up on the vibes.
I had convinced myself I really liked this person, once I told her I loved her. Why, I’ll never know. She responded with “thanks, I’m not there yet but thanks for telling me.” I was gutted. I didn’t love her. I never did. In the end I hated her.
I would lie to my friends about her and say I was happy, my mom liked her which was the worst part because it would break her heart if she knew how I was feeling and being treated. I would make it seem like I was happy and she was this lovely person, but deep down I was dying. Towards the end of our relationship I was hanging out with a good friend of mine and someone who helped me a lot through my journey of accepting my identity as a lesbian. She asked me about my relationship and how it was going, and I honestly couldn’t say anything positive. This was the first time I was honest with someone in my life about how unhappy I was and I wasn’t sure how to process it.
Eventually she broke up with me; she said she felt like she made me nervous and that I cared about her more than she cared about me. Initially it hurt, and I felt bad. But after an hour, I wanted to do a freaking backflip. I was elated to be free. For the past 2 years I had felt like less of myself than I had ever been. It was the worst 2 years mentally of my life. I had twisted myself up into this sheepish person who just felt lucky to be chosen by someone. My self worth was so low that I thought this was the relationship I deserved, that I would never find anyone else and I should just be grateful that she chose me.
As the title says I’m still trying to recover and heal. It’s been about 9 months since I last saw her and I’m working on myself. That relationship showed me how compromised my mental health was and that I need to take care of myself. I have been seeing a therapist. Now don’t get me wrong I have struggled with mental health my entire life, but those 2 years were the worst of it. I’m not dating right now because I want to focus on myself and my personal goals first.
I still feel very embarrassed for how I let her treat me and embarrassed that I didn’t know the relationship was toxic. If anything I learned a lot from this experience.
If you have made it this far props to you because this was kind of a hot mess and wayyy too long. But it’s been bothering me even more lately and I guess I just felt like this might help. Even if no one reads it.
She didn’t want a relationship, I don’t know what she wanted. She used school as a buffer to limit the amount she saw me. I feel bad for the next person she dates and I hope they come to their senses quicker than I did. I deleted her off everything and I hope to never see her again. In closing, I fucking hate her guts.

So my wife's brother... I've never liked him. I keep my mouth shut about it, but I've always found him to be arrogant in the extreme. Anytime there's a gathering of my wife's family, he talks over everyone, every conversation has to be about him. And he tells these insanely long stories that have no point, it's more just to keep the attention on him. He lives with his girlfriend, who doesn't work and hasn't ever had a job. Now, against my better judgement, in the last two years (my wife wanted to.) we have 'loaned' him over 3 grand. He's a car salesman, and blows through any money he makes selling cars like it's water. Never saves... nothing. So when sales drop, he has no money for anything... rent, food, gas, you name it.
Well... I often look at court records in my area. Public records. Mostly so I can make sure my daughter (a whole nother story) didn't get yet another speeding ticket and try to hide it from us. (she's 17, did that once, and she's on our insurance.) I was on there the day after my wife's birthday at the end of March. The whole time her brother had been again... talking over everyone, and making himself the center of attention. He didn't give her a present, and tried to swipe a gift card she'd gotten from her parents. So he was down on my list (as usual.)
Anyway... I put his name in.. and... there it was. Chase Bank is looking for him to sue him for a credit card. It was a 7k debt. Looking to take him to small claims court. Not astronomical, but for him, probably a lot. But... they had attempted to serve him at his old apartment it looked like, and he'd moved (again) because he couldn't afford that place. I was pissed at him still for how he'd acted the day before and... I looked up and found the server who had been assigned (it's all in the court docket) and using a new email address I made up, sent them his current address.
Well.... it worked, and he's being taken to court. My wife wants to give him 50% of the money, and have her parents give him the other 50%. I'm totally against it, but I can't help but feel like I'm the asshole because I let them know where to find him.

Who gave birth to me.
Yesterday was my birthday and Colleen sent me a text saying happy birthday and that she was very sad that I’d cut off contact with my brother and sister. Then she goes on to say that she prays for me and that I find forgiveness in my heart. My so-called brother and sister did not show up for me when my daughter died because their in-laws were in the hospital. my daughter died. I thought that was a little bit more important but apparently not. I texted Colleen back saying that forgiveness would never happen because it’s earned in my mind and that she could go suck a lemon. Then she double-backed and said that she was possibly dying was and that my siblings were helping her and she didn’t understand why I had a problem with that. My daughter died. This turned into an argument where she made it all about her. It’s my birthday and she made it all about her. Then she accused me of drinking (I’ve been sober 7 1/2 years) and then started blaming my dad and asking me if we just sit around and cuss her out. My father has been nothing but kind when it comes to her. He has encouraged us my sister and I since they got divorced not to give up on a relationship. Until recently.now he told me to block her. So I did.
I could post pictures of the texts but…

Warning: mention of pregnancy loss and death of family members by gun violence
I, 31 female, have been together with my husband, 37 male, for 10 years and married for almost 9. We have two beautiful children, a 4 yr old son and a 2 yr old daughter and he has two other children with two other women that he doesn’t get to see and pays child support for. Before my son we had 12 losses, one of which I hemorrhaged from and then I ending up almost hemorrhaging to death after our son was born. We also had one more miscarriage after our daughter was born and I’ve since decided to not try for anymore even though this breaks my heart a little because I always wanted a bigger family.
I recently lost my mother and 10 year old niece in August after they were unalived by a family friend who also unalived himself. Less than two months later, my sister tragically passed in a car accident. To say that broke me is truly an understatement. For months all I could do was cry everyday and feel excruciating pain. My mom and sister were extremely close. We messaged and called every day, multiple times a day even though we all live within a 10 mile radius. They were there for me through everything life had to spit at us. We already have lost every female on my dad’s side of the family. My sister and I were all that was left besides our own daughters. The future feels daunting knowing that there may very well be decades with them not here with me.
It’s been many months now and I feel like I am finally starting to feel happiness and I’m just doing my best to spend as much time with my kids and remaining niece and nephew. My oldest niece is my partner in crime especially now that we are in the no mom and no sister club. She’s only in her early teens and she had also been shot but thankfully survived.
On to the issue. My husband has honestly never really put in any effort for birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, etc. Usually my birthday I don’t give a crap for but it’s only because in the past I’ve been disappointed because no one ever did anything for it. And I’m talking about just like a card and cake. Nothing serious. I really have dirt floor standards to be frank because I just have learned throughout life not to expect anything. That said I am the person who no matter what kind of financial situation I am in will find a way to show love and appreciation no matter the budget. I’ll make you hand made cards, I’ll personally call you on your birthday or special holidays, and I’ll make cake or cupcakes from scratch. If I have a budget I’ll plan dinner and some time to spend out. I just love making people feel happy and special. I was just raised that way.
So of course I find and marry the one person who honestly could kind of care less. I don’t think he has ever gotten or done anything for my birthday, not for Christmas. I remember he got me something for Mothers Day a few years ago…AFTER I had said something. My mom and sister on the other hand always made sure I got a card and we all had a Mothers Day dinner where we would cook and just enjoy time with our kids and ourselves.
This is my first Mothers Day without them and tomorrow and my sisters birthday without her. I had already verbally mentioned how hard it was going to be and my husband fully knew that it was going to be a hard day for me. My friends even sent him ideas for me, like just cleaning up the house and waking up to make breakfast for me. Things he’s honestly never done ever, but hey those are free things anyone could do to make someone feel special. All he said to my best friend was “lol I don’t have any money.” She got pissed. She ended up buying me flowers, a wind chime, some NA beer (I’m sober), and spent extra time with me because she knew I needed my support people on Mother’s Day. My dad also came out in support and got me more NA beer, bought me lunch, and we picked up my oldest niece and I got to spend a ton of time with her. My husband? Slept in until 10:30am. Didn’t do anything all day. I was up at 6 am with the kids and made breakfast after I realized he was still sleeping because ya know, kids can’t starve and I’m not going to wait 4 hours to have breakfast myself.
The thing is, this is just the tip of the iceberg. He can’t stay employed and oftentimes will switch jobs to avoid paying child support. Sure he’s present for the kids now, but when the going gets tough he pretty much stops putting in effort. I bet if I lived even 20 minutes away from him he wouldn’t see the kids often. He has never ever done much around the house despite me working MULTIPLE jobs at times (at one point I was working 3 and going to school). I work full time for a Fortune 500 company and he can’t even schedule a damn doctors appointment for himself. Any time I try to bring things up he’s dismissive or just denies things. And now he’s also getting more angry and aggressive because child support is being taken out again and he ended up swatting our son so hard our son doubled over…in front of my whole family! This along with Mothers Day has got me just thinking I need to divorce him. He can’t hit our kids like that period. All our son did was throw a damn smore at him! And I have multiple witnesses including my niece, grandfather, brother and SIL. I want to protect our kids. I feel like after that happened if I stay with him I am essentially condoning his behavior. I absolutely confronted him about it and he says he feels bad and should never have done it but he felt justified in that moment. I can’t trust someone like that. And it’s not the first time he’s swatted at our son but this was certainly the worst. So I am ready to leave just for that but then our son would have to be with him unsupervised.
If I am overreacting I want to know. He says I am and constantly says I am. I just need some clarity and maybe just support because if I do this, this is something that once the ball is rolling you can’t really stop it. I’m just afraid…but I think I’m more afraid of what will happen if I stay.

My husband and I travel down to Mexico to visit with my family. I am an American citizen my mom and dad are not.
My mom and dad got my daughter earrings for her birthday. My daughter's ears are not pierced. She is only one year old.
I told them that I would save them for her until she was old enough to get her ears pierced.
We left my daughter with my parents while we went to meet up with some friends. When we went to pick up my daughter my mom showed us that we didn't need to wait because they had taken her to get her ears pierced.
I got my daughter and I dragged my husband out of there before he lost his shit. We went back to our hotel.
I am furious. My husband said that my parents are not allowed to spend time alone with my daughter ever again. I went farther. I said that I would not be bringing her, or any other kids we might have, down here to see my parents. We checked out three days early and went home.
On the way home my parents were calling me to see when we were coming over. I ignored all the calls and texts until we were back home in Phoenix.
We took a couple of days to think things over and cool down.
I finally called them. I asked them not to speak until I was done talking. I told them that my husband and I are upset with them for getting our baby's ears pierced without our permission. I told them that we went back home and probably wouldn't be visiting for a while.
They said that my sister and I both had pierced ears when we were babies and that it did not harm us.
I said that we were not going to change our minds. They started getting everyone including my grandmother to call me and say I was being ridiculous.
I talked with my husband and we came up with a compromise. We agreed that we would resume visits, but not alone time, with them if they both got their noses pierced.
They said that we are being stupid and that they are not going to do that. I said no problem and hung up.
We have started blocking anyone who tries to call us and give us shit for denying my parents their RIGHT to see my daughter.

My latest post
This morning, Nmom sent another text to both my daughter and I, without sending to just my daughter first, like she's supposed to. In other words, while it's addressed to my daughter, she needed me to see it too. Luckily, it was sent after my daughter left for school, so her phone is on Do Not Disturb, and she won't read the text until later. I will also decode things for her, and emphasize that she is not responsible for fixing Nana's upset at being turned down.

Hi (daughter). I'm so sorry that we haven't been able to bring your gift over and to wish you a happy birthday. Papa felt that it would be best to not try for Sunday (her birthday) and we were in (other city 3 hours away) yesterday and pretty tired but the time we got home. If it's ok with you we will bring it when we get together for MD. Love you bunches and hope your 17th was very special. (typos are Nmom's)

She wanted me to see that she's mad and she wants my daughter to feel guilty about making her mad. The part about eDad (Papa) thinking it's best to not try to come over was her way of saying that eDad kept her from coming over and yelling and making a big scene because of how mad she is.
Then I go on Facebook to browse while putting off cleaning out my fridge, where she has posted a belated Mother's Day post honoring her Mom. It was all so sugary and over the top. Then it got cringy, at least for me, knowing what she was getting at.

...Sure she made mistakes and said things that she latter regretted but I choose to remember the positive things and wanted to say, thank you mom for being the example of a godly mother to me. (typos are Nmom's)

I'm just over here laughing at her. She doesn't know what to do with herself when her grandchild rejects her. I'm pretty sure she thinks I had something to do with telling my daughter not to go. I didn't. She's almost grown up and has seen how unimportant she is to Nmom for years. But heaven forbid anyone reject Nmom.
We are supposed to go out to eat with both of my parents tomorrow. I'm really curious to see how it goes. I'm not stressing about it, but I am planning a couple exit strategies if she gets too far out of line. We are going to one of her favorite restaurants, so she will want to keep up good appearances with the servers and people she knows.

I filed for my wife 2 weeks ago for her I-751. We have yet to receive her receipt, but I’m not drastically worried about that.
We are heading to Brazil for our daughter’s birthday, and returning to US 6/22/24. Her GC expires 7/4/24.
Assuming we haven’t gotten the receipt by then, could we have any issues coming back in 2 weeks before her GC expires or is it really only a concern if the GC has truly expired?

So my mom was on her friends birthday party and talked alot with her daughter (lets call her Mia). Apperantly they talked about myself (m27) and that i would be a good match for Mia. Mia is 23 years old and still studying. From what my mom told me we should match pretty well. She also looks pretty good :).
So Mia gave my mom her number. And now im not sure if i should set up a date. If she would not be the daughter of my moms friend, i would not even hesitate. I just dont like the idea of possibly causing problems to the relationship of my mom and her friend.
What do you think?

I apologize this will be a long post:
Well everyone let me just say my Mother is a text book narcissist. Diagnosed. I held on to our relationship because of my younger brothers. I wanted my family to be happy. I lied to myself and held on to the good I saw; even though I know it’s all an act and manipulation for control and her own fucked up toxic validation. I made excuses because she herself had an incredibly fucked up childhood. She also has been diagnosed and takes medication.
The amount of physical pain, abuse and mental anguish my Mother has caused my family is unreal. The pathological lying is unremarkable. She will have a melt down the second you unveil her scheme or correct her. Her MO is she is always “dying” or “sick”. Constantly seeking attention and validation. She is a master at jamming wedges in between people as well as making everyone look like the “bad guy”.
She is a queen at manipulating. Recently she finally was flagged by the State as a drug seeker. She doctor shops to get pills and had many prescriptions for pain pills. The 30 years prior she was a raging alcoholic. Ever since they cut her pills she has began to spiral. Worse than I have ever seen. I knew something was coming.
My Father just died, on my birthday, a few weeks ago. Of course she was no where to be seen and completely unhelpful. The one day she came, when my Father was actively dying, and said in her best actress “oh poor me” voice. “Oh I also had some MRIs this week. Been going to my Doctor and said to him to do everything he can. I don’t want my daughter to have to lose both her parents”. She has Fibromyalgia. She kept talking about her sickness and doctors while my Dad lay there. Actually dying.
Lastly, my Brother and Father hadn’t talked in 6 years. He and I also are not on good terms so of course I tried to go through her. I kept begging her to bring my brother to see my Father. Begged her to have him call me so I could put the phone on speaker. I wanted so desperately for my Brother to talk to him. My Brother wanted to talk to the doctor before coming to visit. He did not believe my Mother that my Dad was actually dying. Understandable, she is a liar.
I gave the hospital his number and asked to have him added as someone the doctor can speak with. All of us were added to a healthcare proxy file. I gave the doctor his number and asked him to call my Brother. The doctor went and spoke with my Father and my Father said “No” when asked if the doctor could call. It was out of my hands and devastated me. It broke in to many pieces. I wanted my Brother there. My Mother refused to bring him (he is disabled and cannot drive).
The day before my Father passed I texted my Mother and she knew my brother was added and I gave the doctor his number. The morning my Father died I again asked her to bring my brother she replied “Your Dad said no, so”. The day after my Father died I received the most horrible texts from my brother. My Mother lied and said that I never told her he had permission to call or see my Dad. She never told my brother he could call or even tried to get him to go in person.
This was my snapping point. Of all the abuse and times she made everything about her. The fights at holidays or special events. The drama and the lies this is by far the absolute worst thing she could ever have done. My father is now dead and my brother will never have closure. She would rather this so she can play the hero to my brother and the victim because me her “horrible daughter” has treated her “badly”.
I know she is a raging narcissist. I know how she is and what she does everytime. Always makes things about her but when my Father was dying?! After he died?! I knew the time would come when I couldn’t take it any more but this. THIS?!
I finally told her off. I finally called her everything she is. I know it doesn’t matter because a narcissist is never wrong and she will lie to everyone until the day she dies. Unlike my Father I will not be there. May she die alone and miserable. May her karma bring her nothing but suffering.
I never thought she could break my heart enough to the point that I finally feel nothing. The years I spent crying so hard and all the trauma she has burned into my soul. I can’t take it any more. I am truly heartbroken.
I fucking hate her. Finally. I feel nothing any more. The small ounces of hope. The love for the woman I want her to be. I can no longer deny and make excuses. I am done and I am not going back.
Thank you for listening if you made it this far.
I’m just so unbelievably sad.

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Hard times is a devastating song, it’s filled completely with heart ache and pain, I feel like every time I listen to hard times, it breaks my heart over again. Hayden has such a gentle approach to her music that even with the dark subject matter it comes across as a gentle lullaby almost- something to ease the pain. Despite Hayden not experiencing these specific traumas in her own life, she has such a good approach to describing them in her storyline- and has created beautiful artwork that many people can relate to. If not for its intended meaning; listeners can take their own ideas from Hayden’s music,and that music can mean to them something very intimate and special, for me personally I can interpret hard times as it works into the storyline of preachers daughter, but I also have my own outlook and perspective of that song, and what it means to me. It’s easy to get lost in the lyrics and melodies, it seems like at times there are endless options and interpretations. While that may seem overwhelming at first, I believe that is one of the most wonderful things about music. Just really having something so meaningful you just HAVE to think about it. In hard times near the end of the song you can hear her back ground vocals singing “I just wanna sleep, I just wanna sleep, please let me sleep” the soft desperation and hurt in her voice is absolutely devastating— and knowing the meaning behind hard times makes it even more painful. With the lyrics “too tired to move too tired to leave” you can see she is losing hope- barely holding on. She’s tired of it all- what she’s been through, even though it’s over now it sticks to her, it clings like a parasite, hence the lyrics “I’m tired of you still tied to me “ even after his death Ethel cains father still has hold of her, and his abuse remained in her mind- “tied to her”. The lyrics “9 going on 18” “In the corner on my birthday you watched me dancing right there in the grass, I was too young to notice that some types of love could be bad” are so so so sad :( she was just a baby. :(

I (44f) returned my birthday gift to my mother yesterday. My mother is narcissistic, toxic, dramatic, manipulative, and cruel. She has treated me like crap my whole life by always putting me last, and I have seen her celebrate other female family members like my cousins or her daughter in laws by spending time with them and being kind to them. She treats me opposite. She refuses to spend any time with me. It’s awful.
Last week, she wanted to take my son out who is 5 to buy his birthday gifts to make sure his clothes fit and his birthday is in June. I refused. I’ve asked her to take me out shopping for shoes, and she says to go to the store, pick them out, and then leave them with the cashier. Then, phone her and she will buy them. Okay. Or to send her what I want. She never does anything with me.
Also, I am plus size. No shame is this. I have lost 60 pounds. She’s aware of this because I told her. Every birthday or holiday, she buys me clothes from the same store for 20 years which she thinks I should wear and they are always too big for me. She buys me shoes and sandals I don’t wear. However, she always buys my husband, my sons, my sister in laws whatever they ask for. For me, it’s never what I ask for or want.
Also, the clothes bothers me because she’s put me on diets since I was 10. I weighed 150 pounds and I was 5’6. She took me to weight watchers and said I was fat. My whole teenage years she had me on diet after diet, going to the gym and having really low self esteem and thinking I was ugly and fat until I met my husband. Her buying me these too big clothes triggers me that she is trying to tell me what I wear isn‘t up to her expectations and makes me feel insecure all other again.
Last week, she asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I said I would like money even $20 because I am going on vacation this summer. She said no and she was buying me clothes from the same stores and would include receipts. I told her not to buy them because I wouldn’t wear them. It’s a waste of money. She didn’t listen to me again and bought them.
I gave her flowers on Friday for Mother’s Day with a nice card. This is what she asked for. So, she dropped my gift off yesterday when I wasn’t even home. She never thanked me for the flowers and ignored me on Mother’s Day. I opened the gift and it was clothes that don’t fit and shoes I don’t wear. So, I left the gift at her door with the receipts. No explanation.
I got a phone call last night at ten. She left me a voice mail calling me a disgusting b$tch and she was telling all her sisters I returned the gift. Then, she called me a horrible mother and she would go to cps because my kids don’t know how to talk to her. My preteens don’t want to talk to her. She embarrassed them and my one son sees how she treats me with his own eyes and doesn’t want to be around her. I’m not going to force him. She said I’m ruining her relationships with her daughter in laws. I don’t see them at all- her dils.
So, Aita for leaving the gift at her door with receipts? She said I wouldn’t be getting the $400 back she would get once she returned the gifts which I don’t want obviously.
Extra note: I went through ivf to have my youngest child. She wanted me to do gender selection and she is Catholic. She wanted me to have a girl. I refused. I ended up with my son and when she found out he was a boy she says it was the worst day of her life and she would never accept him. I also started bleeding with him 3 months into the pregnancy and almost lost him. She was shopping with my sil 10 minutes from the doctor. She refused to come and see if I was ok. This one example of how awful she is to me.

My daughter has been invited to a birthday party for her school friend however the parents are doing a joint party, including the older sibling. The older sibling is in the same school and is known to my daughter but they're not friends as they're in different year groups.
What would you say is the etiquette for buying gift(s)? She's been invited to their party by both of them so should we get a gift for both or do we just buy for the one in the same year and ignore the elder sibling?
It seems rude to attend a party for someone and not get a gift but then again, we hardly know the kid.
Just wondered what others would do? I'm leaning towards not getting a second gift but didn't want to look an arse.

Hello Reddit,
I come seeking some insight into my actions this past Mother's Day to see if I am truly out of touch with reality and everything good in this world.
Let me set the stage, this is important; We met over 2 years ago. As with any new relationship there's that initial period where everything is new, you're exploring each other. A few weeks later she was celebrating her daughter's birthday. We had bought her an iPad together. She set it up while everyone was eating cake with the family and unfortunately never checked what synced. Her daughter saw photos and videos of me and made a big scene. She turned 8. She also has a son she adopted away a few years back before going to prison.
Since then she has freaked out every time I am mentioned. Full on meltdown. As such we've had to keep our relationship a secret and hidden. Removed me from all social media and has me muted on Messenger, just to keep the peace with her daughter. This has been going on for almost 2 years in a couple of months.
This Saturday before Mother's Day she went camping with her kid and sisters kids. I didn't know at first, we usually talk in the mornings before she spends the weekend with the kids, our usual morning routine. Sent her 3 messages in the morning, one around lunch and one in the afternoon. She didn't respond until nearly 6pm where she said she went camping and sent pictures.
It was raining for me so I told her I was jealous and wish I could be there. I love her, I'll see her tomorrow, have a great evening and all that. If she or the kids needed anything to just let me know, I'll make myself available. Like 3 short messages and one just spanning 4 lines.
Mother's Day comes around and I sent her a message in the morning telling her shes the best mom and woman in the world, she works so hard for us, try her best and take care of business. She's a gift and a blessing. Told her she's amazing and I love her.
I got a single "Love you" back an hour later. I went to my parents for lunch a little after 9 and texted before going saying I had saved $200 for that day for her so if she or the kids wanted anything to use my card and hoped she liked my gift. (Scented candles and a silver necklace with her birthstone in a heart shape)
Get back from lunch a little after 11 and sent her another message and told her I made a post on FB. Basically just recognizing her for the amazing woman she is and attached 3 of the most beautiful pictures I have of her, two of them where she posed with her daughter. Told her to get something for herself or take the kids out to eat.
3:35pm rolls around, she hadn't seen any of my texts so I text her saying I'm sure she's being kept extra busy today and I wish we weren't apart on special days like today and holidays but hopefully it changes soon and that she liked the gift I had gotten for her.
I didn't expect her to respond so after sending her the text, I went on FB and saw she had posted a new header picture of her kids playing the ipad while sitting on the bed with them, being visited by the son she adopted away. I thought it was beautiful and shared it to my FB with a heart emoji.
Not even a 2 mins later she responds back telling me to "Chill the fuck out, I'm spending time with my daughter!!!"
Followed by: "Dude I'm fucking blocking you! Who the fuck are you to put pictures up of are you fucking serious!!!"
I quickly respond: "I'll remove it"
And she said: "Posting pictures of my daughter so she could possibly see or her dad flip the fuck out!!!" and she blocked me.
Later that evening she still hadn't unblocked me so I sent her an email telling her to please talk to me, I apologize if I did something wrong or to upset her, all she needed to do was voice her disapproval and tell me to remove it. (As I already had) Why do it like this?
She responds back telling me to "Leave her the fuck alone" because she's not "dealing with this psychotic behavior all the fucking damn time. Your mom can be in the hospital dying and you don't post a thing about it, but you put a fucking picture up of my adopted son! Are you fucking serious!".
My response back was I don't post sad shit on Facebook. Never have, never will. I post things that make me happy. I didn't make a post when any of my grandparents died, (last one this Jan), when I was going through 2 surgeries + 7 months of chemo and radiation for melanoma, and certainly not with tubes and wires coming out of my mom. Wasn't even a thought that crossed my mind in the middle of it.
So, Reddit, was I wrong here? Am I so morally wrong and out of touch with reality that I got what I deserved?
I haven't heard from her since. She has used my card though.

Honestly I don't want to but I do. He is a "stay at home dad" which I could respect. The problem is he complains my meetings interfere with his work on his car work or phone calls to friends (or sleep) because he has to watch our 2 year old.
I work from home and adapt as I can.
75% of the time he does cook dinner so I'll give him that. But he won't do dishes (even when I cook). I plan meals and buy food. No laundry, sweeping, baths, other work. Lord help if he has to get a kid on the bus. Or appointment.
I pay every bill.
He works sometimes and it goes to whatever he wants, only around $250-500/month lately. So I pick up his bills and credit card debt.
Now I've been buying car parts (not a family car) and have gotten hints of wanting a new truck.
Mother's day he slept in.
One of my daughters tried so hard to help me make a great breakfast and made a card (love her so much). I planned activities and bought take out then cleaned dishes after. He would not even eat breakfast because he's not a breakfast person and wouldn't sit with us.
I am fed up. Mad.
I want more for me and my four kids. And I'm expected to plan his birthday (nothing for mine last month other than what I planned) and Father's day too.
Honestly how can I work past these emotions? I want to but I am so angry lately. Sorry it's a rant.
(Irrelevant maybe bit he has previously cheated several times years ago and I do still hold a grudge).

Sorry it's quite late where I am (for me) and I can't sleep so apologies for typos or formatting.
My sister encouraged me to come here (again). She's an avid reddit user and she's the one that found the story about me but I can't find it and she can't either now. Some of you might remember it as I'm writing.
Anyways, I (32F) and my husband (33M) were invited to my nieces birthday party on April 27th.
We don't get along with my SIL, she's the most entitled person I've ever known. I've tried my best to get on with her and even asked her to be my bridesmaid when I got married.
She made everything about her, she didn't like the dresses, she didn't like the shoes, she refused to come with us to go shopping but got upset that we'd chosen the dresses without her. We did try our best to find a date that suited her but instead she went off with her boyfriend every time. I did tell her politely that if she didn't like the dress then she could step down being a bridesmaid, nope she went crying to my MIL that I'd dropped her as one, of course, my MIL believed her over me and I had to send screenshots to prove that I didn't drop her. I didn't get an apology either, the messages just stopped. I was ignored for a few days and then a message appeared as if nothing happened from my SIL.
My in laws enable her behaviour by always talking down to my husband and siding with her over any minor detail. I have told him, he needs to stick up for himself but he won't. It's easier for him to just 'take it'.
She was upset she didn't get a plus one but my other bridesmaids did. My other bridesmaids were either already married or had long term partners not one that had been on the scene for all of 3 months. She wanted him to be part of the bridal party and to be a groomsman. The best we could do was invite to the reception because of the allocated numbers, apparently that wasn't good enough! We were asked to drop a guest and then bump him up, I explained I wasn't going to do that as I'd already got the RSVP's from everyone. Anyway, he did come to the reception and he left after 2.5 hours and I didn't even communicate with him so I assume he felt uncomfortable. The reason I didn't communicate with him was because it's not up to me to introduce myself, 'oh hi I'm the bride, nice to meet you.' Not one of my husband's family said congratulations to us either and they tried to take photos of my husband with his family without me.
They've always done that, always got me to either take the photo or could I move out of the way as it's 'only family' allowed in photos. I wasn't invited to their thanksgivings/Christmases/birthdays either, I don't think my MIL liked the fact that her son was growing up. We were 24 when we met. They also tried to take one last 'hurrah holiday' to Cuba before my husband and I got married, leaving me behind. I was quite upset but let my husband go. I found it entertaining that my in laws were perfectly okay with me not going anywhere or invited but somehow my SIL boyfriend HAD to come to our wedding...?
Fast forward 4 years, they're still together. Cool. I still don't really know him that well, let's just say my husband and I's relationship with our in laws got majorly strained after our wedding.
So our niece is 1 this year. We were invited to go to the birthday party but we declined. We were told that we were selfish and didn't care about our niece. I do care about my niece and so does my husband but we're not free babysitters and I am very rarely invited out to go see her even if I tried to arrange it myself, it's either, SIL goes out with my husband and niece or we look after her for the day without SIL..? But my SIL will have ago at both of us over message to say we clearly don't care about spending time with them. SIL also makes a huge point about me either being aunty or not being aunty, it's like a weird power flex.
My in laws live in a different state but my SIL lives in our state. So my in laws very rarely see the child either. They wanted to go to sunny Florida now they've retired whereas we're out in California.
SIL had ago at us because she was asking for money towards our nieces savings account which we declined and bought her some presents instead. Apparently she 'already has' the presents we got her and maybe if we made more of an effort to see her we'd have known that... so we've wasted our money on some toys that could've gone into her savings account 🤷🏼‍♀️
She doesn't even get us presents that we would like, not that I'm complaining because I'm grateful for anything. I just think if you can't get us something we want ourselves how can you expect us to be okay with giving money to your daughter??
For a bit more context, she didn't come to my bachelorette party, instead she plastered all her insta that she was out with her bf and told my other bridesmaids it 'wasn't her thing' so we said the same words to my SIL as to why we weren't going. She doesn't make the effort to see either of us on our birthdays. She bitched about me to my MOH that I wasn't being fair to her that I can't understand that she's busy and then bitched about me again because I wasn't involving her with the wedding details?? It's either one or the other!
She said my wedding dress was tacky and 'not her style'. She didn't like the hairdresser doing her hair. She didn't like the layout of the venue etc etc.
Anyway I'm unsure where to go from here. I'm thinking of going LC or NC from my side and let my husband decide what he wants to do.
ETA: for clarification purposes, we did offer SIL to have a plus one right at the planning stage along with the other bridesmaids. I knew the bridesmaids would say yes because they all had long term partners etc and as they were my bridesmaids, of course they had first dibs. But SIL declined the plus one, I wasn't going to save one to the side 'just incase' so this isn't me punishing her at all.
She had the opportunity and she didn't take it even after my husband said to her 'what if you start dating someone' but she was adamant she didn't want one so I of course carried on inviting. After how she was with the dresses etc that's when she was like 'I want a plus one. 'I have a boyfriend now.' 3 months before our wedding date. And it's like hang on a second, we gave you the opportunity but you didn't take it at the time, so the best we could do was put him in the reception/evening.
My wedding was a package: Day guests - includes the Ceremony / Wedding breakfast has X amount of guests.
Reception / evening: the dancing / party time from 18:00 onwards. Most people's plus ones came to this and a few other friends/family that weren't able to come during the day came to this part.

We’ve been together for 4 and a half years basically. We’ve know each other for 10. Liked each other in high school, life happened, I moved away, she had a kid, found our way back to each other, and ended up having a child of our own 2 years ago. To try and summarize, she feels once our daughter was born, that I got too comfortable and acted as though I knew she wasn’t going anywhere. I worked overnight construction for years, even before we got together, made it to a superintendent position, with a job where I averaged anywhere from 65-80+ hours a week. She was home with the kids, I didn’t make enough to put the kids in daycare, and couldn’t commit to any kind of permanent arrangement to assist her with taking care of the kids so she could work. The goal, since before we got together, was for me to leave my trade, but I made more money doing that, than we would have if we both started entry level jobs, not to mention then having to pay for daycares. I was offered help by my mother who lived out of state to bring me family over there with promises of help so we could make the changes necessary to restructure our life and improve our situation. I got here, worked in my same trade for a few months until the rain season began, and she immediately began her course to become a CNA, then started work as one, and makes decent money. Well she made a friend there, who I honestly can’t stand. I have NEVER told her who she can and can’t see, hang out with, talk to, nothing like that, she’s never given me a reason to doubt her, she has always been a loyal person and very honest. This friend of hers, without spending time on all the details and making this post even longer, tries encouraging my girlfriend to do things or think certain ways that I feel are detrimental to our relationship. Telling her she should start an OF, is one example, and when my girlfriend vented to her about an issue we had, told her that I am a narcissist like every guy she’s been with and to just leave me.
For some context, I forgot our anniversary. I think I’ve forgotten it almost every year, because it wasn’t really a special occasion, we talked about it a few months into our relationship basically saying “hey we’re dating right? Like this is official? What do we tell people if they ask what our anniversary is? Okay cool, sounds good, moving on.” I get it, that mindset was wrong of me. I also procrastinate on things like holidays, birthdays, whatever, and have had some instances where I really should have tried harder to make her feel special and appreciated. I used to do the hallmark movie corny stuff, I used to have a notebook I’d write in when I got home in the mornings while she was asleep about how I loved her, she’s beautiful, I appreciate her, blah blah. One time I set a path from the front door to the upstairs bath with candles, flower petals, where a bath was drawn, with red lights for ambiance and a bath bomb for her. It fell off because the honey moon phase ended, although I feel it lasted a long time, and life events happened that lead to some emotional dry spells on her part where she wasn’t ready to receive affection, her grandmother passing, having a miscarriage far along in our first pregnancy together, her step father dying, and then also the stresses of my job wearing me out, and getting comfortable subconsciously telling myself that even though I don’t always do those same things anymore, she knows I think she’s the greatest and I love her.
I have a bad habit that I’ve been working on for a few months now, where if she’d bring up things that made me nervous to think about or stress me out to plan, I would play too much and not take the situations seriously, and make her not feel heard as a result. I always teased that I don’t believe in legally getting married, that I’d take her to the courthouse and let her change her last name to mine and then we can have a ceremony after. 2 years ago I told her that wasn’t the case, and we finally talked about it where I told her that once our situation is right, in marrying her. I know in hindsight that I should have still placed it as a higher priority, but we never really talked about it further, and she clung to what I’d said before that about us never getting married. When our fighting started getting bad about 2 months ago, and we finally communicated what the underlying root of her unhappiness was, I had a huge perspective change. Some other big events happened, my step father who we lived with overdosed from fentanyl in our basement, and really changed my perspective on life and how quickly things can end and change and blah blah, to where I told her that I don’t want to fight, she is my one, and I want to marry her. She basically took it as me saying it out of fear to get her to stay. I’ve been trying to show her that I want to make the effort she is asking for. That she is as special to me as I say, but now in her mind she is taking an approach of “why did it take 4 years to get to this point.”
I never try to deny responsibility for my actions, I always try to be quick to reflect and acknowledge where I may have been wrong. But now I almost feel like my readiness to say okay I messed up by getting comfortable and not making you feel heard in these situations and everything else I’ve talked about, kind of seems like I’ve only made her feel completely validated in her idea that I have messed up for 4 years and just not appreciated her. I almost want to tell her that yes, I have slowed down and gotten comfortable, but no, there’s are so many examples of times I’ve still shown you how much I cared. I fear doing so will come off argumentative, and give her more fuel to the fire of her friend calling me a narcissist. Side note: she has since stopped getting advice from that friend, because she did come to the conclusion that her friend does not have her best interest, and has seen an uglier side to her as time has gone on, but I feel the seeds of discord have been sown.
I’m so sorry, I hope some of you with good intentions stick through all of this, and I know there’s other context that could help, but I guess I just need some ideas on what to do. 7 weeks ago we started fighting over petty day to day things, 5 weeks ago we finally established her root of unhappiness, 4 weeks ago she said she needed space, 2-3 weeks ago we said we were taking a break, and I feel her feelings of negativity have only grown. I’ve sucked at giving space admittedly, as time goes on I’ve gotten better though I fear damage has been further done by not doing great about accepting her request for space. Idk, we have a child together, I love both of the children like they’re my own blood, I’ve never felt this happy in a relationship (I know I’m young, still) and now that we’re finally hitting our goals with our lifestyle changes and career changes, now she’s finally gotten to this point of giving up.
Do I try giving her space, doing my own thing and seeing if that separation and seeing my positive activities draws her back in? Or has it gone on so long that that’s not going to work? Do I try saying finally “hey I acknowledge my mistakes, but in your attempts to focus on my wrong doings I feel like you’re ignoring all the good things I did and I’d like you to try remembering those? I don’t hit her, cuss at her, our heated fights can probably be counted on 1, maybe 2 hands, I don’t cheat, I provide, I’ve taken care of the kids just about by myself for the past 5 months to give her room to get her new profession down, I cook and clean every night, not to be crass but our intimate life is very good, I know I deliver for her on that account, and I’m someone who is always willing to apologize and adapt and adjust. Any advice that isn’t slanderous to either of us would be awesome, I get at this point that if it’s too late then I need to just start preparing for that eventuality and working on myself, but for the sake of keeping my family together, I want to exhaust all of my options to make this work.

This weekend was my daughter's 13th birthday and Mother's Day weekend. My love did everything he could to make sure we had a wonderful time!
He volunteered to spend the whole weekend with my (high maintenance) dog, and also bought really thoughtful gifts for the occasion (for my daughter, for me and even for the dog!)
He is not my child's biological father, nor a "substitute father" as her father is in her life... but he has taken the role of being another important, caring person without imposing too much authority. She sees him as a really kind, fun guy who takes good care of her mom.
When put in a similar role, an ex cheated on me. I asked him to babysit so I could do some volunteer work. His reasoning was that I had boxed him into a role he never asked for, and in cheating with a mutual friend, was "breaking free"from that. That sort of betrayal cuts deep in two ways: 1) It leads you to believe that asking for help is something the backfires and 2) it weighs on your ability to trust it when someone does something selfless and kind for your happiness.
That said, the fact that I am now with someone who is capable of putting my happiness before his own on special occasions is so healing, freeing and feels so damn good. I keep telling him how grateful and appreciative I am.
I want to do something equally as lovely for him, so if anyone has any ideas, feel free to share them!

The story about me (36f) and my sister (38f) is long and complicated, so I’ll try to summarise as short as possible, which is long anyway. (English is not my first language - sorry for grammar!)
Sister has some kind of psychological issues she refuse to deal with properly. I suspect BPD, but I may be very wrong. Mom mentioned she may have gotten a diagnosis lately, but didn’t remember if it’s ADHD or Autism. She’s a very extrovert person who thrives when being around people. She only has two moods: ecstatic or depressed. She absolutely worships people, until one day when she cast them down to the status of a devil. Nothing in between.
Her life is cyclical. It starts with finding a new area of interest that she dives head first into. She meets people doing this thing she’s interested in and idolise them. She says it’s her calling in life, and credits her new-found mental wellbeing to this new calling. She invests everything she has into the new thing - time and money, even starts working in the field. Then comes the depression. Every time she claims she has never felt like this before. The people she worshipped are discarded and branded “bad” or “crazy”. She relies on family to get her back on her feet, then find a new area of interest that “saves her”, and the cycle starts anew. Over and over again.
I broke with her almost 5 years ago. She was depressed and lived with our parents again at that time. I was back to school to get a new career after first being burnt out, then losing my job. My daughter was 3 years old. At that time, I realised my marriage was a huge cause of my own depression and that he was cruel to out child and decided to get a divorce. My ex was very abusive, so I was facing the threat of being homeless, jobless and lose custody. My sister ripped me to shreds and told me that my problems were nothing compared to hers, and that my situation did not excuse not being there for her. For context - she called me every day while I was in school and made me “talk her out of” doing things to herself for 2 hours - every day for weeks while refusing therapy or medication. I lost it.
We went NC about 1 year, then to very LC the last 3 years. It’s working kinda good! As long as I don’t get close to her, we can even see each other without drama. The times I’ve slipped up and allowed too much contact has been a disaster, she becomes possessive straight away and demand I apologise to her for what I did.
My daughter (8f) is the only child in the family. Thank goodness my sister hasn’t had any, and doesn’t plan to either. My sister instantly fell in love with her, before she was even born. While she seems to forget daughter’s existence from time to time, she also adores her from time to time. She showers daughter in gifts and attention. When they last hung out, Sister even pretended to love the very same things as Daughter, which at the time was rainbows and unicorns.
Since I broke with Sister, she has met Daughter 3 times. Once overnight 3 years ago, the other 2 times just a couple of hours outside of home. I do invite her here from time to time and say she’s always welcome, but she never does. She doesn’t bother coming here even if she’s in the area. She lives 4 hours away with car, and now claims she can’t travel here because her horse needs her. Good for us, I thought. Less drama.
But last week I found a package in the mail, addressed to Daughter. In it were the gifts Sister missed giving her - Christmas, Birthday and Easter. There was also a card, in which Sister writes how much she loves Daughter. Boxed in with a green marker, she writes that it’s her biggest dream to have Daughter visiting her for a weekend, and that she’s willing to meet us halfway to pick her up. She asked me a year or so ago, but I haven’t heard a word from her this year.
Yesterday, my mom said Sister has been in touch with her too, asking her to bring Daughter to her. No one asked me. Sister still sends Daughter unicorns and rainbows, even though Daughter hasn’t been into them for more than two years. She does not know my Daughter anymore.
Daughter loves her aunt, and often talk about her and makes her drawings and jewelary. She doesn’t know the issues my Sister has. She does not know she is forgotten for weeks, maybe months at a time. I’m scared my Sister will break her heart, or mess her up. I have not asked Daughter if she wants to go, and she didn’t say anything when reading the card either.
I told mom that Sister is always welcome to come here, and that I want her to come and see Daughter at least twice before I’m ok with Daughter going there (with my parents - not alone. Even mom agrees whole heartedly that Daughter should not go there alone). Mom thinks it’s unreasonable, because Sister is afraid of me and won’t come. I have never raised my voice to her. Never said harsh words. Just refused to do what she wants, so I feel it’s unfair to blame me.
What is your take on this? Am I being unreasonable to “force” my sister to come visit us in order to see my daughter?

I was in the foster care system for a long time (10+ years) and I've been amongst 6 foster families in that time but my last foster home was my last one till I moved out and got a place of my own. I was there for over 3 years and my foster mum was the best mum I've ever had, I wasn't a easy child with all the trauma and lack of emotional maturity for my age at the time but she brought the best out of me even though it was only me and her (foster dad passed away while I was in their care). She does have one daughter of her own who was in her 30s and she was such a great sister and her kids always saw me as there real aunty which made me sense a feeling of wanting which I've always wanted.
Ever since I moved out of this placement she's always kept in contact and we meet up and celebrate Christmas's and birthdays etc. and I've always loved that but Ive had this feeling recently that she might feel pressured to keep me in her life like pity and such because I don't really wanna see my biological family and I have such strong connections with everyone in her family but its been dwindling. I always tell her I love you but she's never said it back and that's just made the feeling worse of that she doesn't want me in her life anymore and that I need to go on my own adventure and find my own people and I really don't want to do that because it's such a struggle for me. I really do see her as my real mum I just want her to see me as her daughter because that's all I've ever wanted, what do I do??