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You make pretty regrettable mistakes when you're desperate. Unfortunately, desperation would go on to cost me much more than I ever thought possible.
When I was 19 years old my financial situation wasn't great. In what was left of a crumbling home would be my recovering addict twin sister, and myself. The unfortunate state of our home was all from the even more unfortunate passing of our parents just four years prior. The two hadn't died tragically by any means, thankfully. No.. our parents died of old age, a consequence of having us kids later in life, while not being able to take on the financial burden that would be.. us.
My sister was making the early steps into the college lifestyle, doing her best to stay afloat with my support in funding. Money was tight for the two of us, but as she became more well off on her own, the more content she was with severing the last remaining tie to her childhood.. me.
I didn't hate Xel for her decision, if anything I understood her distancing from this life.. even if it saddened me. So then it was just me! Left to a house with a hole in the ceiling. Believe it or not, life wasn't all to bad even with how considerably down in the dumps it otherwise seemed to be.
However, content as I might have been, it's human nature to want more than you have. Can't say I was to greedy to look for some comfortability in my own home..
And so there it was! The glistening letters of ink outlining my salvation. An advertisement I'd found plastered onto the wall of the small booth I sat at while I waited for the bus to carry me off to work. "$5,000 to those compatible for a recent scientific breakthrough." Under any 'normal' circumstances I would consider this a scam. Hell, I was skeptical as I scanned the letters. Had I been told of this opportunity through spam call or text I would've glossed right over it just as anyone else would have.. but I was desperate.
I think it was the fact that someone, some real person had to have put this paper up on this wall gave me some glimmer of hope for a quick cash grab. Listed bellow the promise of money was details for a number to call regarding interest in the proposition.
I took the bait.. I saw the line, and like some idiot I clamped my teeth down just for that hook to sweep me away.
The corporation I'd come to know as, "The Arsaction," would see me just a week later. There was a brief consultation. They took my weight, age, all things I would've expected. It wasn't until they pulled records regarding my familial situation that I began to find this whole ordeal.. suspicious.
To 'begin' to find things suspicious only at this point is foolish, something I full understand, but I feel the need to reinforce the fact that I, Lex McKarthy, was desperate.
Everything by this point seemed pretty legit. The blood tests, the doctors office, the tests were.. reasonable. What was I to suspect? Everything was so vague, and truth be told I honestly didn't even expect anything to come of this visit. All the doctors, all the consultants seemed so disinterested in my features.. but when they realized I had no one, everything seemed to change.
Suddenly ears perked, suddenly doors closed, suddenly I was.. exactly what they were looking for. Every feature of myself was so painfully average. I was anyman, I was.. nothing. Despite their best efforts to be discreate, I knew it was only the fact that nobody would come looking for me that peaked their interests.
My stomach dropped when I was faced with a pen in my hand, trembling over that NDA. Every fiber of me cursed myself for never considering putting just a minute of research into 'The Arsaction,' however a video briefing would ease my nerves. Nobody knew who The Arsaction was. There was no public record of their existence, and that NDA would make sure that they continued to never exist.
I was stupid, I was irrational, I was in over my head! But I was desperate.. and I had nothing else.
"I have nothing else.. I have nothing else!"
It was a mantra I chanted as I was injected with that substance. The substance that turned my blood orange, made my skin freakishly thin.
And then I went home.
That was it. I was given my sum of money, and I was sent home. They told me I was, "good to go," and no number of questions would get a one of them to speak. I was only met with who I'd assume to be security guiding me out of the building.
Not a word more of what I'd just been injected with, only given instructions to not dwell on mirrors for too long. That was it, just some ominous instructions. So I left, as befuddled as I arrived. Relief washed over me as I made my way home. The anxiety I'd received from such an ominous buildup was all waved by the fact that I was somehow just.. good to go?
Relief quickly turned to panic as the inherent nature of it all being too good to be true set in. I expected to die, I expected some visit from government agents, I expected anything and everything, but as months turned to years.. Nothing ever came of it. No mirror ever caused me any harm, which was its own anxiety I'd have to overcome simply because of the absurd nature or such a request.
I hoped it was.. some prank. Everything was well... for a time. Of course to disturb my peace, my sister called.
I just.. watched the phone ring. My sister, someone who I hadn't spoken to in upwards of 8 years was suddenly ringing me up. When I finally had answered, her question left me speechless.
"Hey Lex. would you happen to remember Mom's recipe for that egg toast? I think I left the cookbook at your place."
I felt my ears ring. The question was so.. casual. She entirely skipped the part where we discussed how she's been, how I'm doing. She spoke to me like we'd hung out only days ago.
At the time I'd thought I was just being dramatic, but looking back on it I can only justify my own hesitation to respond.
"W-..what?"
I stammered like a fool, but I was firm in my disbelief.
"Yeah, it should be in the book on the counter?"
I looked over my shoulder to my kitchen counter, past the toaster I never bought, and over to the book she spoke of. My jaw hung heavy, the whole interaction feeling like a dream.
With one hand I held the phone, and with the other I began to skim the pages of the book letting my eyes linger on mom's cinnamon roll recipe for a bit longer than intended.
"Lex.. are you ok?"
My sister inquired on the other end. I suddenly felt sick.. falling the the ground and laying on my back. This wasn't happening.
"Lex? Are you alright!?"
My sister repeated back more urgently, followed by her assurance that she would be over soon to check on me. But.. no company ever arrived. After hours the line just dropped, and I fell asleep there on that cold, wooden floor, paralyzed with a feeling I couldn't wrap my head around.
When I finally gathered the composure to stand I would try to call Xel back. A frown dawned my face when she never answered. Somehow this didn’t surprise me, and I was lead to believe that she had never called me in the first place. The thing is, the book was still on my counter, and her call was still logged on my phone.
Still, I hadn’t known Xel to do something like this. It wasn’t in her nature to do something so cruel, to act like all this time hadn’t passed.
But it has. Years have gone by and nothing but radio silence from her, a silence I feared would go on. The following days I would continue to attempt to call her, but to no avail.
I had to come to terms with the fact that, as quickly as she had returned too my life, Xel was once again gone. I’m ashamed to admit that, just as I’d forgotten that experience with The Arsaction several years ago, I’d forgotten about my own sister.
Even if she wouldn’t call back, I was inspired to begin looking through old family pictures, and this is where the oddities would start to fester.
I found a picture of Xel and I just.. eating breakfast. Usually my mom was off to work by then, but it was a special occasion. It was a day I remember so vividly. I was 14 years old at this time, and had awoke to the sweet smell of cinnamon rolls filling the air. After all, it was Xel’s and I’s birthday. All was right with the world, all as I climbed from the messy sheets in my dark room. It was abundantly clear that the bulb of the light beside my bed had burnt out over the course of the night, and the closed blinds didn't aid my vision as I stumbled around my room in search of my door.
An oddity presented itself in the fashion of aimless wondering. Where was the nob? One I'd become so accustomed to.. not needing to open? I'd never closed my door. Not the previous night, not ever. Not to the behest of my mother who'd always taken annoyance to closed doors, some trait of my grandmother's to which my mom had unfortunately inherited.
Breakfast took the form of two strips of bacon, scrambled eggs, and slightly burnt French-Toast. My previous assumption of cinnamon rolls unfortunately missed the mark, however I wouldn't object to this. I wish I could convince myself that I was wrong. Something so mundane, something so insignificant to the events in this story, however the first notable instance of a curse that I couldn't pinpoint
My mother had already seen herself off to work by this point, and so I was faced with the responsibilities of seeing myself out to the bus. Some routine I'd become far too used to; The minutes passed, leaving me with nothing to do but wait by the door for a buss that would never arrive.
If the door being shut and the cinnamon rolls being a different meal entirely had left me with a minor confusion, then suddenly being seated in the passenger seat of my mother's car listening to the nonchalant complaints from my twin sister about the nuances freshmen year math shot me into a disarray I couldn't possibly quantify.
I think one of the scariest things for me is the fact that I thought nothing of it. I hadn't freaked out. No scene was made to express what should have been one of the more disturbing instances of my childhood.
I could chalk up the mistaking breakfast for something else as me just misremembering events.. But something unmistakable is the fact that somehow my mom both never drove me to school, yet the fact that she.. always had.
If you're confused, I understand. I am too, because the contradicting nature of my memory is something that haunts me to no end.
Things were easier as a child. That's often the case, but ever sense I stopped aging, I've begun to notice the oddities presented by life that are.. inexplainable. I'm not even sure where to start with researching my predicament.
The Mandela Effect is something that I feel needs no introduction. To those who don't know, the Mandela Effect, in brief, is a phenomenon that incurs when you "misremember" something. Think of a card, now imagine you saw that card as a child and it had a single heart drawn on it's center. Now, years later you are discussing this card with someone else just for them to tell you that the heart you swear, the heart you KNOW you saw.. was a diamond. You tell them they are wrong, you shake your head, chuckle nervously.. But then they present you with the card.
Your stomach drops. This can't be the card, there is no way! Only it is the card, and when you come to the realization that it is in fact the card you'd seen as a child, you are filled with a mix of confusion, fascination, and quite possibly denial.
Most often, the Mandela Effect is associated with silly things like books titles, and board game mascots, but my experience is far beyond such things. It's the only phenomenon I've found that seems even within the realm of explaining my predicament. Problem is, the more I think, the more is wrong.
All of me wishes it all ended with that one childhood experience! But it didn't. In fact, the more I consider my childhood, the more contradictions I notice. Part of me believes I could handle this if it was limited to my childhood, but it's not. This.. experience... It effects my every day!
I'm not losing my mind, I'm just picking up crumbs that I never dropped. Not.. losing my mind, just finding more "mind" than the inventory should account for.
As I stop and think now, I’m understanding that my memories are.. overlapping. Other mirrored versions of myself and my memories will occasionally cross paths, and when they do it causes me to misremember. Not because I don’t remember, but because my memories conflict with one another.
I wish I could see someone about this, but I’m worried the consequences of me seeking someone out.. still, we make dumb mistakes when we are desperate, and I’m starting to feel desperate again.

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Lia Marie Johnson Lilbabysasha Lilchiipmunk Lilmochidoll lilsummerhoe Liquidpyro Lisa ASMR Livstixs Lizzy Wurst Liz Katz Lucifersexdoll Luxury Girl Mackenzie Jones mackzjoness Madison Beer Main Categories Maitland Ward Makoshake Malu Trevejo Mangomay Maria Bella Mari Grace matildem Mati Marroni Mayana Katherine Megan Guthrie Megan McCarthy Megan Rain Megan Samperi meggyeggo Megnutt02 Meg Turney Mekkk Melina Goransson MeowVicka Meowycake Meryl Sama Mia Khalifa Mia Malkova Micaela Schafer Michelle Rabbit Mikaela Pascal Mikaela Testa Miley Cyrus MissBuscemi MissSykeology MissyPwns Miss Alice Miss Bo MizzyCyn Molly Eskam Momokun Momotama Monica Corgan Moon Maison Morgan Vera Morgpie Moriah Mills MsFiiire Mspuiyi mutanastasia Nadia Jay Nadya Tolokonnikova Nagisake Naked Bakers Nala Ray Narduchita Natalie Gibson Natalie Roush Neiva Mara Neonpuddles Nicki Minaj Nicole Lawson Nicolle Off Grid Nikki Eliot Nipple Slips Noel Leon Novaruu Nylalueeth Thorne Hot4Lexi Katiana Kay Christina Khalil Mackenzie Jones victoryaxo mati marroni megnut corinnakopf sarii sariixo matildem belledelphine Amanda Cerny Sommer Ray Amouranth Belle Delphine Mikaelatesta Megnutt Breckie Hill Riley Reid Melimtx Katiana Kay Realskybri Corinna Kopf Jadebabii Noelle Leyva Blahgigi Liliana Hearts Sonya Blaze Caroline Zalog Jenni Neidhart Trippie Bri Pamibaby Belle nude kkvsh sextape japanese adult video first time anal videos free ass this will make you cum big dick bitch full naked sex best porn squirting pussy girls sucking teen xxx hd leaks corinna kopf addison erin andrews ver pornos hot ball sexy de belle delphine emma watson homemade games sexo shaking gay eating black older how to eat cock en español zendaya nelly store near me worship spring twerk shaved suck blowjob paris hilton on huge wife Mei Sierra Skye Siew Pui Yi Silkyvinyl Skye Blue skylarmaexo Skylar Mae Skylar Rae Sky Bri Slim Whispers Snapchat Sommer Ray Sophie Mudd rittfit Tia Judd TikTok Tinslee Reagan Touki00 Trisha Paytas Tropicgun Tru Kait Twitch Tyga Youtube Yuuie Zoella Zoe Heiler Zoe Maguire Zoie Burgher Savannah Bond Indigo White Riley Reid Sofia Gomez Abigaiil Morris TEEN LEAK PACK teen young Abigail Mandler Abigail Ratchford Abigale Mandler Acidblue Adison Briana Adriana Chechik aestheticallyhannah Alena Witch Alexandra emilina astridwett nickiibaby victoryaxo leak vids leaks photos School girl naked Belle Delphine nude Snapchat MEGA Young Snapchat leaks Celeb leaks sextape Snapchat Boobs Hannahowo real Slut twitch streamer Erica Jasmin Omegle leak Telegram twerking ebony pyt pics hardcore porn link Snapchat MEGA Telegram Leaks hannahowo belle delphine corinna kopf amouranth of free leaks nikacadoavocado wettmelons realskybri kendrakarter fwtina tina_042 emilina astridwett nickiibaby victoryaxo leak vids leaks photos School girl naked Belle Delphine nude Snapchat MEGA Young Snapchat leaks Celeb leaks sextape Snapchat Boobs Hannahowo real Slut twitch streamer Erica Jasmin Omegle leak Telegram twerking ebony pyt pics hardcore porn link Snapchat MEGA Telegram Leaks hannahowo belle delphine corinna kopf amouranth of free leaks nikacadoavocado wettmelons realskybri smoneyordie veronica perasso toni storm sweetie fox cecilia rose skylar blue rae lil black hannah jo jenni neidhart kristen hancher misswarmj mikafans jessica nigri lauren alexi Addison Ivy Belinda Nohemy Amanda Cerny Realskybri Missbo Bella Rayee Trippie Bri Breckie Hill Katiana Kay Caroline Zalog Daisykeech Sonya Blaze Waifumia Megnutt Urfavbellabby Utahjazz Hannahowo Jadebabii Mackenzie Jones Elle Brooke Belle Delphine Riley Reid Melimtx Katie Sigmond Morgan Jadebabiihttps://www.redgifs.com/watch/liquidoverduenautilus

You make pretty regrettable mistakes when you're desperate. Unfortunately, desperation would go on to cost me much more than I ever thought possible.
When I was 19 years old my financial situation wasn't great. In what was left of a crumbling home would be my recovering addict twin sister, and myself. The unfortunate state of our home was all from the even more unfortunate passing of our parents just four years prior. The two hadn't died tragically by any means, thankfully. No.. our parents died of old age, a consequence of having us kids later in life, while not being able to take on the financial burden that would be.. us.
My sister was making the early steps into the college lifestyle, doing her best to stay afloat with my support in funding. Money was tight for the two of us, but as she became more well off on her own, the more content she was with severing the last remaining tie to her childhood.. me.
I didn't hate Xel for her decision, if anything I understood her distancing from this life.. even if it saddened me. So then it was just me! Left to a house with a hole in the ceiling. Believe it or not, life wasn't all to bad even with how considerably down in the dumps it otherwise seemed to be.
However, content as I might have been, it's human nature to want more than you have. Can't say I was to greedy to look for some comfortability in my own home..
And so there it was! The glistening letters of ink outlining my salvation. An advertisement I'd found plastered onto the wall of the small booth I sat at while I waited for the bus to carry me off to work. "$5,000 to those compatible for a recent scientific breakthrough." Under any 'normal' circumstances I would consider this a scam. Hell, I was skeptical as I scanned the letters. Had I been told of this opportunity through spam call or text I would've glossed right over it just as anyone else would have.. but I was desperate.
I think it was the fact that someone, some real person had to have put this paper up on this wall gave me some glimmer of hope for a quick cash grab. Listed bellow the promise of money was details for a number to call regarding interest in the proposition.
I took the bait.. I saw the line, and like some idiot I clamped my teeth down just for that hook to sweep me away.
The corporation I'd come to know as, "The Arsaction," would see me just a week later. There was a brief consultation. They took my weight, age, all things I would've expected. It wasn't until they pulled records regarding my familial situation that I began to find this whole ordeal.. suspicious.
To 'begin' to find things suspicious only at this point is foolish, something I full understand, but I feel the need to reinforce the fact that I, Lex McKarthy, was desperate.
Everything by this point seemed pretty legit. The blood tests, the doctors office, the tests were.. reasonable. What was I to suspect? Everything was so vague, and truth be told I honestly didn't even expect anything to come of this visit. All the doctors, all the consultants seemed so disinterested in my features.. but when they realized I had no one, everything seemed to change.
Suddenly ears perked, suddenly doors closed, suddenly I was.. exactly what they were looking for. Every feature of myself was so painfully average. I was anyman, I was.. nothing. Despite their best efforts to be discreate, I knew it was only the fact that nobody would come looking for me that peaked their interests.
My stomach dropped when I was faced with a pen in my hand, trembling over that NDA. Every fiber of me cursed myself for never considering putting just a minute of research into 'The Arsaction,' however a video briefing would ease my nerves. Nobody knew who The Arsaction was. There was no public record of their existence, and that NDA would make sure that they continued to never exist.
I was stupid, I was irrational, I was in over my head! But I was desperate.. and I had nothing else.
"I have nothing else.. I have nothing else!"
It was a mantra I chanted as I was injected with that substance. The substance that turned my blood orange, made my skin freakishly thin.
And then I went home.
That was it. I was given my sum of money, and I was sent home. They told me I was, "good to go," and no number of questions would get a one of them to speak. I was only met with who I'd assume to be security guiding me out of the building.
Not a word more of what I'd just been injected with, only given instructions to not dwell on mirrors for too long. That was it, just some ominous instructions. So I left, as befuddled as I arrived. Relief washed over me as I made my way home. The anxiety I'd received from such an ominous buildup was all waved by the fact that I was somehow just.. good to go?
Relief quickly turned to panic as the inherent nature of it all being too good to be true set in. I expected to die, I expected some visit from government agents, I expected anything and everything, but as months turned to years.. Nothing ever came of it. No mirror ever caused me any harm, which was its own anxiety I'd have to overcome simply because of the absurd nature or such a request.
I hoped it was.. some prank. Everything was well... for a time. Of course to disturb my peace, my sister called.
I just.. watched the phone ring. My sister, someone who I hadn't spoken to in upwards of 8 years was suddenly ringing me up. When I finally had answered, her question left me speechless.
"Hey Lex. would you happen to remember Mom's recipe for that egg toast? I think I left the cookbook at your place."
I felt my ears ring. The question was so.. casual. She entirely skipped the part where we discussed how she's been, how I'm doing. She spoke to me like we'd hung out only days ago.
At the time I'd thought I was just being dramatic, but looking back on it I can only justify my own hesitation to respond.
"W-..what?"
I stammered like a fool, but I was firm in my disbelief.
"Yeah, it should be in the book on the counter?"
I looked over my shoulder to my kitchen counter, past the toaster I never bought, and over to the book she spoke of. My jaw hung heavy, the whole interaction feeling like a dream.
With one hand I held the phone, and with the other I began to skim the pages of the book letting my eyes linger on mom's cinnamon roll recipe for a bit longer than intended.
"Lex.. are you ok?"
My sister inquired on the other end. I suddenly felt sick.. falling the the ground and laying on my back. This wasn't happening.
"Lex? Are you alright!?"
My sister repeated back more urgently, followed by her assurance that she would be over soon to check on me. But.. no company ever arrived. After hours the line just dropped, and I fell asleep there on that cold, wooden floor, paralyzed with a feeling I couldn't wrap my head around.
When I finally gathered the composure to stand I would try to call Xel back. A frown dawned my face when she never answered. Somehow this didn’t surprise me, and I was lead to believe that she had never called me in the first place. The thing is, the book was still on my counter, and her call was still logged on my phone.
Still, I hadn’t known Xel to do something like this. It wasn’t in her nature to do something so cruel, to act like all this time hadn’t passed.
But it has. Years have gone by and nothing but radio silence from her, a silence I feared would go on. The following days I would continue to attempt to call her, but to no avail.
I had to come to terms with the fact that, as quickly as she had returned too my life, Xel was once again gone. I’m ashamed to admit that, just as I’d forgotten that experience with The Arsaction several years ago, I’d forgotten about my own sister.
Even if she wouldn’t call back, I was inspired to begin looking through old family pictures, and this is where the oddities would start to fester.
I found a picture of Xel and I just.. eating breakfast. Usually my mom was off to work by then, but it was a special occasion. It was a day I remember so vividly. I was 14 years old at this time, and had awoke to the sweet smell of cinnamon rolls filling the air. After all, it was Xel’s and I’s birthday. All was right with the world, all as I climbed from the messy sheets in my dark room. It was abundantly clear that the bulb of the light beside my bed had burnt out over the course of the night, and the closed blinds didn't aid my vision as I stumbled around my room in search of my door.
An oddity presented itself in the fashion of aimless wondering. Where was the nob? One I'd become so accustomed to.. not needing to open? I'd never closed my door. Not the previous night, not ever. Not to the behest of my mother who'd always taken annoyance to closed doors, some trait of my grandmother's to which my mom had unfortunately inherited.
Breakfast took the form of two strips of bacon, scrambled eggs, and slightly burnt French-Toast. My previous assumption of cinnamon rolls unfortunately missed the mark, however I wouldn't object to this. I wish I could convince myself that I was wrong. Something so mundane, something so insignificant to the events in this story, however the first notable instance of a curse that I couldn't pinpoint
My mother had already seen herself off to work by this point, and so I was faced with the responsibilities of seeing myself out to the bus. Some routine I'd become far too used to; The minutes passed, leaving me with nothing to do but wait by the door for a buss that would never arrive.
If the door being shut and the cinnamon rolls being a different meal entirely had left me with a minor confusion, then suddenly being seated in the passenger seat of my mother's car listening to the nonchalant complaints from my twin sister about the nuances freshmen year math shot me into a disarray I couldn't possibly quantify.
I think one of the scariest things for me is the fact that I thought nothing of it. I hadn't freaked out. No scene was made to express what should have been one of the more disturbing instances of my childhood.
I could chalk up the mistaking breakfast for something else as me just misremembering events.. But something unmistakable is the fact that somehow my mom both never drove me to school, yet the fact that she.. always had.
If you're confused, I understand. I am too, because the contradicting nature of my memory is something that haunts me to no end.
Things were easier as a child. That's often the case, but ever sense I stopped aging, I've begun to notice the oddities presented by life that are.. inexplainable. I'm not even sure where to start with researching my predicament.
The Mandela Effect is something that I feel needs no introduction. To those who don't know, the Mandela Effect, in brief, is a phenomenon that incurs when you "misremember" something. Think of a card, now imagine you saw that card as a child and it had a single heart drawn on it's center. Now, years later you are discussing this card with someone else just for them to tell you that the heart you swear, the heart you KNOW you saw.. was a diamond. You tell them they are wrong, you shake your head, chuckle nervously.. But then they present you with the card.
Your stomach drops. This can't be the card, there is no way! Only it is the card, and when you come to the realization that it is in fact the card you'd seen as a child, you are filled with a mix of confusion, fascination, and quite possibly denial.
Most often, the Mandela Effect is associated with silly things like books titles, and board game mascots, but my experience is far beyond such things. It's the only phenomenon I've found that seems even within the realm of explaining my predicament. Problem is, the more I think, the more is wrong.
All of me wishes it all ended with that one childhood experience! But it didn't. In fact, the more I consider my childhood, the more contradictions I notice. Part of me believes I could handle this if it was limited to my childhood, but it's not. This.. experience... It effects my every day!
I'm not losing my mind, I'm just picking up crumbs that I never dropped. Not.. losing my mind, just finding more "mind" than the inventory should account for.
As I stop and think now, I’m understanding that my memories are.. overlapping. Other mirrored versions of myself and my memories will occasionally cross paths, and when they do it causes me to misremember. Not because I don’t remember, but because my memories conflict with one another.
I wish I could see someone about this, but I’m worried the consequences of me seeking someone out.. still, we make dumb mistakes when we are desperate, and I’m starting to feel desperate again.

Lia Marie Johnson Lilbabysasha Lilchiipmunk Lilmochidoll lilsummerhoe Liquidpyro Lisa ASMR Livstixs Lizzy Wurst Liz Katz Lucifersexdoll Luxury Girl Mackenzie Jones mackzjoness Madison Beer Main Categories Maitland Ward Makoshake Malu Trevejo Mangomay Maria Bella Mari Grace matildem Mati Marroni Mayana Katherine Megan Guthrie Megan McCarthy Megan Rain Megan Samperi meggyeggo Megnutt02 Meg Turney Mekkk Melina Goransson MeowVicka Meowycake Meryl Sama Mia Khalifa Mia Malkova Micaela Schafer Michelle Rabbit Mikaela Pascal Mikaela Testa Miley Cyrus MissBuscemi MissSykeology MissyPwns Miss Alice Miss Bo MizzyCyn Molly Eskam Momokun Momotama Monica Corgan Moon Maison Morgan Vera Morgpie Moriah Mills MsFiiire Mspuiyi mutanastasia Nadia Jay Nadya Tolokonnikova Nagisake Naked Bakers Nala Ray Narduchita Natalie Gibson Natalie Roush Neiva Mara Neonpuddles Nicki Minaj Nicole Lawson Nicolle Off Grid Nikki Eliot Nipple Slips Noel Leon Novaruu Nylalueeth Thorne Hot4Lexi Katiana Kay Christina Khalil Mackenzie Jones victoryaxo mati marroni megnut corinnakopf sarii sariixo matildem belledelphine Amanda Cerny Sommer Ray Amouranth Belle Delphine Mikaelatesta Megnutt Breckie Hill Riley Reid Melimtx Katiana Kay Realskybri Corinna Kopf Jadebabii Noelle Leyva Blahgigi Liliana Hearts Sonya Blaze Caroline Zalog Jenni Neidhart Trippie Bri Pamibaby Belle nude kkvsh sextape japanese adult video first time anal videos free ass this will make you cum big dick bitch full naked sex best porn squirting pussy girls sucking teen xxx hd leaks corinna kopf addison erin andrews ver pornos hot ball sexy de belle delphine emma watson homemade games sexo shaking gay eating black older how to eat cock en español zendaya nelly store near me worship spring twerk shaved suck blowjob paris hilton on huge wife Mei Sierra Skye Siew Pui Yi Silkyvinyl Skye Blue skylarmaexo Skylar Mae Skylar Rae Sky Bri Slim Whispers Snapchat Sommer Ray Sophie Mudd rittfit Tia Judd TikTok Tinslee Reagan Touki00 Trisha Paytas Tropicgun Tru Kait Twitch Tyga Youtube Yuuie Zoella Zoe Heiler Zoe Maguire Zoie Burgher Savannah Bond Indigo White Riley Reid Sofia Gomez Abigaiil Morris TEEN LEAK PACK teen young Abigail Mandler Abigail Ratchford Abigale Mandler Acidblue Adison Briana Adriana Chechik aestheticallyhannah Alena Witch Alexandra emilina astridwett nickiibaby victoryaxo leak vids leaks photos School girl naked Belle Delphine nude Snapchat MEGA Young Snapchat leaks Celeb leaks sextape Snapchat Boobs Hannahowo real Slut twitch streamer Erica Jasmin Omegle leak Telegram twerking ebony pyt pics hardcore porn link Snapchat MEGA Telegram Leaks hannahowo belle delphine corinna kopf amouranth of free leaks nikacadoavocado wettmelons realskybri kendrakarter fwtina tina_042 emilina astridwett nickiibaby victoryaxo leak vids leaks photos School girl naked Belle Delphine nude Snapchat MEGA Young Snapchat leaks Celeb leaks sextape Snapchat Boobs Hannahowo real Slut twitch streamer Erica Jasmin Omegle leak Telegram twerking ebony pyt pics hardcore porn link Snapchat MEGA Telegram Leaks hannahowo belle delphine corinna kopf amouranth of free leaks nikacadoavocado wettmelons realskybri smoneyordie veronica perasso toni storm sweetie fox cecilia rose skylar blue rae lil black hannah jo jenni neidhart kristen hancher misswarmj mikafans jessica nigri lauren alexi Addison Ivy Belinda Nohemy Amanda Cerny Realskybri Missbo Bella Rayee Trippie Bri Breckie Hill Katiana Kay Caroline Zalog Daisykeech Sonya Blaze Waifumia Megnutt Urfavbellabby Utahjazz Hannahowo Jadebabii Mackenzie Jones Elle Brooke Belle Delphine Riley Reid Melimtx Katie Sigmond Morgan Jadebabiihttps://www.redgifs.com/watch/tintedprobableacouchi

Lia Marie Johnson Lilbabysasha Lilchiipmunk Lilmochidoll lilsummerhoe Liquidpyro Lisa ASMR Livstixs Lizzy Wurst Liz Katz Lucifersexdoll Luxury Girl Mackenzie Jones mackzjoness Madison Beer Main Categories Maitland Ward Makoshake Malu Trevejo Mangomay Maria Bella Mari Grace matildem Mati Marroni Mayana Katherine Megan Guthrie Megan McCarthy Megan Rain Megan Samperi meggyeggo Megnutt02 Meg Turney Mekkk Melina Goransson MeowVicka Meowycake Meryl Sama Mia Khalifa Mia Malkova Micaela Schafer Michelle Rabbit Mikaela Pascal Mikaela Testa Miley Cyrus MissBuscemi MissSykeology MissyPwns Miss Alice Miss Bo MizzyCyn Molly Eskam Momokun Momotama Monica Corgan Moon Maison Morgan Vera Morgpie Moriah Mills MsFiiire Mspuiyi mutanastasia Nadia Jay Nadya Tolokonnikova Nagisake Naked Bakers Nala Ray Narduchita Natalie Gibson Natalie Roush Neiva Mara Neonpuddles Nicki Minaj Nicole Lawson Nicolle Off Grid Nikki Eliot Nipple Slips Noel Leon Novaruu Nylalueeth Thorne Hot4Lexi Katiana Kay Christina Khalil Mackenzie Jones victoryaxo mati marroni megnut corinnakopf sarii sariixo matildem belledelphine Amanda Cerny Sommer Ray Amouranth Belle Delphine Mikaelatesta Megnutt Breckie Hill Riley Reid Melimtx Katiana Kay Realskybri Corinna Kopf Jadebabii Noelle Leyva Blahgigi Liliana Hearts Sonya Blaze Caroline Zalog Jenni Neidhart Trippie Bri Pamibaby Belle nude kkvsh sextape japanese adult video first time anal videos free ass this will make you cum big dick bitch full naked sex best porn squirting pussy girls sucking teen xxx hd leaks corinna kopf addison erin andrews ver pornos hot ball sexy de belle delphine emma watson homemade games sexo shaking gay eating black older how to eat cock en español zendaya nelly store near me worship spring twerk shaved suck blowjob paris hilton on huge wife Mei Sierra Skye Siew Pui Yi Silkyvinyl Skye Blue skylarmaexo Skylar Mae Skylar Rae Sky Bri Slim Whispers Snapchat Sommer Ray Sophie Mudd rittfit Tia Judd TikTok Tinslee Reagan Touki00 Trisha Paytas Tropicgun Tru Kait Twitch Tyga Youtube Yuuie Zoella Zoe Heiler Zoe Maguire Zoie Burgher Savannah Bond Indigo White Riley Reid Sofia Gomez Abigaiil Morris TEEN LEAK PACK teen young Abigail Mandler Abigail Ratchford Abigale Mandler Acidblue Adison Briana Adriana Chechik aestheticallyhannah Alena Witch Alexandra emilina astridwett nickiibaby victoryaxo leak vids leaks photos School girl naked Belle Delphine nude Snapchat MEGA Young Snapchat leaks Celeb leaks sextape Snapchat Boobs Hannahowo real Slut twitch streamer Erica Jasmin Omegle leak Telegram twerking ebony pyt pics hardcore porn link Snapchat MEGA Telegram Leaks hannahowo belle delphine corinna kopf amouranth of free leaks nikacadoavocado wettmelons realskybri kendrakarter fwtina tina_042 emilina astridwett nickiibaby victoryaxo leak vids leaks photos School girl naked Belle Delphine nude Snapchat MEGA Young Snapchat leaks Celeb leaks sextape Snapchat Boobs Hannahowo real Slut twitch streamer Erica Jasmin Omegle leak Telegram twerking ebony pyt pics hardcore porn link Snapchat MEGA Telegram Leaks hannahowo belle delphine corinna kopf amouranth of free leaks nikacadoavocado wettmelons realskybri smoneyordie veronica perasso toni storm sweetie fox cecilia rose skylar blue rae lil black hannah jo jenni neidhart kristen hancher misswarmj mikafans jessica nigri lauren alexi Addison Ivy Belinda Nohemy Amanda Cerny Realskybri Missbo Bella Rayee Trippie Bri Breckie Hill Katiana Kay Caroline Zalog Daisykeech Sonya Blaze Waifumia Megnutt Urfavbellabby Utahjazz Hannahowo Jadebabii Mackenzie Jones Elle Brooke Belle Delphine Riley Reid Melimtx Katie Sigmond Morgan Jadebabiihttps://www.redgifs.com/watch/ashamedhappygoluckynoctilio

Lia Marie Johnson Lilbabysasha Lilchiipmunk Lilmochidoll lilsummerhoe Liquidpyro Lisa ASMR Livstixs Lizzy Wurst Liz Katz Lucifersexdoll Luxury Girl Mackenzie Jones mackzjoness Madison Beer Main Categories Maitland Ward Makoshake Malu Trevejo Mangomay Maria Bella Mari Grace matildem Mati Marroni Mayana Katherine Megan Guthrie Megan McCarthy Megan Rain Megan Samperi meggyeggo Megnutt02 Meg Turney Mekkk Melina Goransson MeowVicka Meowycake Meryl Sama Mia Khalifa Mia Malkova Micaela Schafer Michelle Rabbit Mikaela Pascal Mikaela Testa Miley Cyrus MissBuscemi MissSykeology MissyPwns Miss Alice Miss Bo MizzyCyn Molly Eskam Momokun Momotama Monica Corgan Moon Maison Morgan Vera Morgpie Moriah Mills MsFiiire Mspuiyi mutanastasia Nadia Jay Nadya Tolokonnikova Nagisake Naked Bakers Nala Ray Narduchita Natalie Gibson Natalie Roush Neiva Mara Neonpuddles Nicki Minaj Nicole Lawson Nicolle Off Grid Nikki Eliot Nipple Slips Noel Leon Novaruu Nylalueeth Thorne Hot4Lexi Katiana Kay Christina Khalil Mackenzie Jones victoryaxo mati marroni megnut corinnakopf sarii sariixo matildem belledelphine Amanda Cerny Sommer Ray Amouranth Belle Delphine Mikaelatesta Megnutt Breckie Hill Riley Reid Melimtx Katiana Kay Realskybri Corinna Kopf Jadebabii Noelle Leyva Blahgigi Liliana Hearts Sonya Blaze Caroline Zalog Jenni Neidhart Trippie Bri Pamibaby Belle nude kkvsh sextape japanese adult video first time anal videos free ass this will make you cum big dick bitch full naked sex best porn squirting pussy girls sucking teen xxx hd leaks corinna kopf addison erin andrews ver pornos hot ball sexy de belle delphine emma watson homemade games sexo shaking gay eating black older how to eat cock en español zendaya nelly store near me worship spring twerk shaved suck blowjob paris hilton on huge wife Mei Sierra Skye Siew Pui Yi Silkyvinyl Skye Blue skylarmaexo Skylar Mae Skylar Rae Sky Bri Slim Whispers Snapchat Sommer Ray Sophie Mudd rittfit Tia Judd TikTok Tinslee Reagan Touki00 Trisha Paytas Tropicgun Tru Kait Twitch Tyga Youtube Yuuie Zoella Zoe Heiler Zoe Maguire Zoie Burgher Savannah Bond Indigo White Riley Reid Sofia Gomez Abigaiil Morris TEEN LEAK PACK teen young Abigail Mandler Abigail Ratchford Abigale Mandler Acidblue Adison Briana Adriana Chechik aestheticallyhannah Alena Witch Alexandra emilina astridwett nickiibaby victoryaxo leak vids leaks photos School girl naked Belle Delphine nude Snapchat MEGA Young Snapchat leaks Celeb leaks sextape Snapchat Boobs Hannahowo real Slut twitch streamer Erica Jasmin Omegle leak Telegram twerking ebony pyt pics hardcore porn link Snapchat MEGA Telegram Leaks hannahowo belle delphine corinna kopf amouranth of free leaks nikacadoavocado wettmelons realskybri kendrakarter fwtina tina_042 emilina astridwett nickiibaby victoryaxo leak vids leaks photos School girl naked Belle Delphine nude Snapchat MEGA Young Snapchat leaks Celeb leaks sextape Snapchat Boobs Hannahowo real Slut twitch streamer Erica Jasmin Omegle leak Telegram twerking ebony pyt pics hardcore porn link Snapchat MEGA Telegram Leaks hannahowo belle delphine corinna kopf amouranth of free leaks nikacadoavocado wettmelons realskybri smoneyordie veronica perasso toni storm sweetie fox cecilia rose skylar blue rae lil black hannah jo jenni neidhart kristen hancher misswarmj mikafans jessica nigri lauren alexi Addison Ivy Belinda Nohemy Amanda Cerny Realskybri Missbo Bella Rayee Trippie Bri Breckie Hill Katiana Kay Caroline Zalog Daisykeech Sonya Blaze Waifumia Megnutt Urfavbellabby Utahjazz Hannahowo Jadebabii Mackenzie Jones Elle Brooke Belle Delphine Riley Reid Melimtx Katie Sigmond Morgan Jadebabiihttps://www.redgifs.com/watch/qualifiedgorgeousamericanredsquirrel

Lia Marie Johnson Lilbabysasha Lilchiipmunk Lilmochidoll lilsummerhoe Liquidpyro Lisa ASMR Livstixs Lizzy Wurst Liz Katz Lucifersexdoll Luxury Girl Mackenzie Jones mackzjoness Madison Beer Main Categories Maitland Ward Makoshake Malu Trevejo Mangomay Maria Bella Mari Grace matildem Mati Marroni Mayana Katherine Megan Guthrie Megan McCarthy Megan Rain Megan Samperi meggyeggo Megnutt02 Meg Turney Mekkk Melina Goransson MeowVicka Meowycake Meryl Sama Mia Khalifa Mia Malkova Micaela Schafer Michelle Rabbit Mikaela Pascal Mikaela Testa Miley Cyrus MissBuscemi MissSykeology MissyPwns Miss Alice Miss Bo MizzyCyn Molly Eskam Momokun Momotama Monica Corgan Moon Maison Morgan Vera Morgpie Moriah Mills MsFiiire Mspuiyi mutanastasia Nadia Jay Nadya Tolokonnikova Nagisake Naked Bakers Nala Ray Narduchita Natalie Gibson Natalie Roush Neiva Mara Neonpuddles Nicki Minaj Nicole Lawson Nicolle Off Grid Nikki Eliot Nipple Slips Noel Leon Novaruu Nylalueeth Thorne Hot4Lexi Katiana Kay Christina Khalil Mackenzie Jones victoryaxo mati marroni megnut corinnakopf sarii sariixo matildem belledelphine Amanda Cerny Sommer Ray Amouranth Belle Delphine Mikaelatesta Megnutt Breckie Hill Riley Reid Melimtx Katiana Kay Realskybri Corinna Kopf Jadebabii Noelle Leyva Blahgigi Liliana Hearts Sonya Blaze Caroline Zalog Jenni Neidhart Trippie Bri Pamibaby Belle nude kkvsh sextape japanese adult video first time anal videos free ass this will make you cum big dick bitch full naked sex best porn squirting pussy girls sucking teen xxx hd leaks corinna kopf addison erin andrews ver pornos hot ball sexy de belle delphine emma watson homemade games sexo shaking gay eating black older how to eat cock en español zendaya nelly store near me worship spring twerk shaved suck blowjob paris hilton on huge wife Mei Sierra Skye Siew Pui Yi Silkyvinyl Skye Blue skylarmaexo Skylar Mae Skylar Rae Sky Bri Slim Whispers Snapchat Sommer Ray Sophie Mudd rittfit Tia Judd TikTok Tinslee Reagan Touki00 Trisha Paytas Tropicgun Tru Kait Twitch Tyga Youtube Yuuie Zoella Zoe Heiler Zoe Maguire Zoie Burgher Savannah Bond Indigo White Riley Reid Sofia Gomez Abigaiil Morris TEEN LEAK PACK teen young Abigail Mandler Abigail Ratchford Abigale Mandler Acidblue Adison Briana Adriana Chechik aestheticallyhannah Alena Witch Alexandra emilina astridwett nickiibaby victoryaxo leak vids leaks photos School girl naked Belle Delphine nude Snapchat MEGA Young Snapchat leaks Celeb leaks sextape Snapchat Boobs Hannahowo real Slut twitch streamer Erica Jasmin Omegle leak Telegram twerking ebony pyt pics hardcore porn link Snapchat MEGA Telegram Leaks hannahowo belle delphine corinna kopf amouranth of free leaks nikacadoavocado wettmelons realskybri kendrakarter fwtina tina_042 emilina astridwett nickiibaby victoryaxo leak vids leaks photos School girl naked Belle Delphine nude Snapchat MEGA Young Snapchat leaks Celeb leaks sextape Snapchat Boobs Hannahowo real Slut twitch streamer Erica Jasmin Omegle leak Telegram twerking ebony pyt pics hardcore porn link Snapchat MEGA Telegram Leaks hannahowo belle delphine corinna kopf amouranth of free leaks nikacadoavocado wettmelons realskybri smoneyordie veronica perasso toni storm sweetie fox cecilia rose skylar blue rae lil black hannah jo jenni neidhart kristen hancher misswarmj mikafans jessica nigri lauren alexi Addison Ivy Belinda Nohemy Amanda Cerny Realskybri Missbo Bella Rayee Trippie Bri Breckie Hill Katiana Kay Caroline Zalog Daisykeech Sonya Blaze Waifumia Megnutt Urfavbellabby Utahjazz Hannahowo Jadebabii Mackenzie Jones Elle Brooke Belle Delphine Riley Reid Melimtx Katie Sigmond Morgan Jadebabiihttps://www.redgifs.com/watch/mediumaquamarinemealyblesbok

Lia Marie Johnson Lilbabysasha Lilchiipmunk Lilmochidoll lilsummerhoe Liquidpyro Lisa ASMR Livstixs Lizzy Wurst Liz Katz Lucifersexdoll Luxury Girl Mackenzie Jones mackzjoness Madison Beer Main Categories Maitland Ward Makoshake Malu Trevejo Mangomay Maria Bella Mari Grace matildem Mati Marroni Mayana Katherine Megan Guthrie Megan McCarthy Megan Rain Megan Samperi meggyeggo Megnutt02 Meg Turney Mekkk Melina Goransson MeowVicka Meowycake Meryl Sama Mia Khalifa Mia Malkova Micaela Schafer Michelle Rabbit Mikaela Pascal Mikaela Testa Miley Cyrus MissBuscemi MissSykeology MissyPwns Miss Alice Miss Bo MizzyCyn Molly Eskam Momokun Momotama Monica Corgan Moon Maison Morgan Vera Morgpie Moriah Mills MsFiiire Mspuiyi mutanastasia Nadia Jay Nadya Tolokonnikova Nagisake Naked Bakers Nala Ray Narduchita Natalie Gibson Natalie Roush Neiva Mara Neonpuddles Nicki Minaj Nicole Lawson Nicolle Off Grid Nikki Eliot Nipple Slips Noel Leon Novaruu Nylalueeth Thorne Hot4Lexi Katiana Kay Christina Khalil Mackenzie Jones victoryaxo mati marroni megnut corinnakopf sarii sariixo matildem belledelphine Amanda Cerny Sommer Ray Amouranth Belle Delphine Mikaelatesta Megnutt Breckie Hill Riley Reid Melimtx Katiana Kay Realskybri Corinna Kopf Jadebabii Noelle Leyva Blahgigi Liliana Hearts Sonya Blaze Caroline Zalog Jenni Neidhart Trippie Bri Pamibaby Belle nude kkvsh sextape japanese adult video first time anal videos free ass this will make you cum big dick bitch full naked sex best porn squirting pussy girls sucking teen xxx hd leaks corinna kopf addison erin andrews ver pornos hot ball sexy de belle delphine emma watson homemade games sexo shaking gay eating black older how to eat cock en español zendaya nelly store near me worship spring twerk shaved suck blowjob paris hilton on huge wife Mei Sierra Skye Siew Pui Yi Silkyvinyl Skye Blue skylarmaexo Skylar Mae Skylar Rae Sky Bri Slim Whispers Snapchat Sommer Ray Sophie Mudd rittfit Tia Judd TikTok Tinslee Reagan Touki00 Trisha Paytas Tropicgun Tru Kait Twitch Tyga Youtube Yuuie Zoella Zoe Heiler Zoe Maguire Zoie Burgher Savannah Bond Indigo White Riley Reid Sofia Gomez Abigaiil Morris TEEN LEAK PACK teen young Abigail Mandler Abigail Ratchford Abigale Mandler Acidblue Adison Briana Adriana Chechik aestheticallyhannah Alena Witch Alexandra emilina astridwett nickiibaby victoryaxo leak vids leaks photos School girl naked Belle Delphine nude Snapchat MEGA Young Snapchat leaks Celeb leaks sextape Snapchat Boobs Hannahowo real Slut twitch streamer Erica Jasmin Omegle leak Telegram twerking ebony pyt pics hardcore porn link Snapchat MEGA Telegram Leaks hannahowo belle delphine corinna kopf amouranth of free leaks nikacadoavocado wettmelons realskybri kendrakarter fwtina tina_042 emilina astridwett nickiibaby victoryaxo leak vids leaks photos School girl naked Belle Delphine nude Snapchat MEGA Young Snapchat leaks Celeb leaks sextape Snapchat Boobs Hannahowo real Slut twitch streamer Erica Jasmin Omegle leak Telegram twerking ebony pyt pics hardcore porn link Snapchat MEGA Telegram Leaks hannahowo belle delphine corinna kopf amouranth of free leaks nikacadoavocado wettmelons realskybri smoneyordie veronica perasso toni storm sweetie fox cecilia rose skylar blue rae lil black hannah jo jenni neidhart kristen hancher misswarmj mikafans jessica nigri lauren alexi Addison Ivy Belinda Nohemy Amanda Cerny Realskybri Missbo Bella Rayee Trippie Bri Breckie Hill Katiana Kay Caroline Zalog Daisykeech Sonya Blaze Waifumia Megnutt Urfavbellabby Utahjazz Hannahowo Jadebabii Mackenzie Jones Elle Brooke Belle Delphine Riley Reid Melimtx Katie Sigmond Morgan Jadebabiihttps://www.redgifs.com/watch/faracclaimedcoypu

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Hey Reddit,
I don’t normally post like this—hell, I never post with my porn account—but I’m especially lost right now. Two years ago, I got into a doctoral program for English lit, thinking it was what I wanted for my career. I’ve always excelled in school, so grad school would be a cinch! I got BAs in English and Creative Writing during undergrad, and it was some of the most rewarding work I’ve ever done. Grad school has been two years of (what feels like) a continuous mental health crisis, and today I may have wasted my last chance to get out with a degree.
I’ve dealt with anxiety and depression my entire life (medicated for six years), but after moving away to school, I very quickly spun off the rails. I was the furthest from home I had ever been, away from family and friends and my support network. My relationship with booze and weed, which had been casual, became habitual. I’m not the most social person to begin with, but the isolated lifestyle of grad school made it worse than I could have imagined. The only friends I had were in my cohort, and their being somewhere in between coworker and friend made it difficult to speak with them candidly about my struggles. After all, they had the same workload that I did, so complaining felt stupid, and sharing the extent of how bad shit had gotten seemed like it would be a one-way ticket to a grippy socks vacation.
Frankly, I should probably have gone on that vacation. I could still use one. There hasn’t been a day gone by since, like, October 2022 that I haven’t thought about killing myself. Most of the time it isn’t active, just your typical ideation like “Oh, grad school makes me want to die lol.” One of my favorite recurring ideations is hurling myself into an industrial woodchipper like in Fargo—it’s so ridiculously violent that it usually snaps me right out of my funk. Where would I even find an industrial woodchipper?
It’s gotten worse lately though. This winter was bad. I’d fantasize about finding the nearest Wal-mart and exercising my constitutional right to purchase a firearm, driving to one of the many nearby beautiful state parks that I was never able to find time to go visit during the semester, and blowing my brains out. When I realized that I needed to give my family some plausible deniability for my suicide so they could grieve my loss rather than my decision, I’d fantasize instead about “losing control” on the highway. I hoped the seatbelt would take my head and launch it straight out the windshield. Or I’d fantasize about pulling a Christopher Supertramp and just leaving without warning to fuck off and die in the woods—not violently, but by something that looked natural. God, what I wouldn’t give to be devoured by a bear.
All of these options were moot though, as I was too anxious to leave my house and drive for groceries for the entirety of March and April. Can’t drive yourself off a bridge if you’re too afraid to drive. Fret not though, friends—I’m back home with family now, stable and safe, and I no longer feel the pull of the void quite so strongly as I did at school.
Anyways, the workload was like nothing I had experienced in undergrad, and even though I knew it was going to be a lot of work, I thought I could keep up.
I was wrong.
I really gave it my best effort that first semester. I prepped each class I taught as a TA excessively, answered student emails within five minutes of receiving them. I started every other day with an anxiety vomit, but I went to class. I did my best to read everything assigned to me. I threw myself at Foucault and Derrida and fuckin Homi Bhabha and the 40 other opaque critical theorists they had us read, and I struggled through them to the best of my ability, but I never seemed to be on the same page as anyone else, so I found it more and more difficult to speak up in class until I stopped speaking entirely. Still, I wrote the 75 pages of critical writing they assign to us in the last week of the semester. I barely slept and hardly ate. I wrote what I thought they wanted, did my best to model myself after what we had read.
They told me that my efforts were disappointing, that my work “barely qualified” as critical writing. I think part of me died when I got that feedback. I got the impression, at least from the instructor who told me I barely qualified, that I had disrespected them on a professional and personal level. I come from a creative writing background, so I tend to inject personality and voice into whatever I write. Both my peers and other faculty I’ve discussed this feedback with agree that the paper (while definitely not fully formed) did not warrant that level of harshness, but it broke something in me.
I kept up for most of the second semester, but by the time those end-of-semester essays rolled around, I felt a writer’s block like I had never felt before. It wasn’t the sort that went away if I forced myself to write through it, like every other time I’d felt the block before. No, this was debilitating. I was paralyzed. I tried chipping away at it, and I tried tricking myself into writing by telling myself I was just taking notes. None of my old tricks worked, even that time-honored tradition of putting my back to the wall by waiting until the deadline and writing manic, anxiety-fueled bullshit. Every time I had ever faced something like this before—a mountain of writing that I didn’t want to do—I eventually slipped into gear and got it done.
It didn’t happen. For the first time in my life, I didn’t complete a final essay. I just couldn’t force myself to give a fuck. I couldn’t give a fuck about my work, about my grades, about my reputation at the university, about my future career, about my future continued existence. At some point, I became apathetic to my life and the world around me, but still, I pressed on because it was the only thing I thought I could do. One does not just get accepted into a fully-funded graduate program every day, you know, and I’d never forgive myself if I gave up on it so quickly. That’s what I was told, at least. Beyond that, I didn’t want to disappoint my friends and family and everyone who helped me get to grad school.
So I stuck with it, finished the essay and came back after the summer, and after forcing myself through the fall semester, I didn’t complete two final essays. My untreated burnout got worse. Imagine that! At the beginning of this semester, I made the decision to drop from the PhD track, cut my losses and get an MA. All I needed to do was finish one course this semester, one measly 25 page essay about the fucking kinetoscope, but I couldn’t do it. All I did this past semester was smoke myself stupid, play video games, and wish that I was dead. I spent months lying to my parents and my therapist, telling them both that while everything wasn’t fine, I was persevering and making progress. I’ve shared a little with my mom, now that I’m home and shit’s gone sideways, but all she did was cry and ask if I need to be taken to the ER. Nobody wants to make mom cry, and the last thing I fucking want is medical debt.
My deadline—the “missing this deadline will result in dismissal from the program” deadline—was today at noon, and I missed it. I have ten pages written, and I could finish it today if my brain wasn’t fucking broken, but instead I’ve written a confession to Reddit. I’ve emailed my DGS and will hear his verdict tomorrow morning, but honestly? I could fight for it, but don’t think I care anymore. I’ve been suffering for two years, and I don’t know if a master’s degree is worth it. This degree won’t make me happy—my depression brain says that nothing will, but I know that isn’t true. I wanted the MA so I could teach at a community college because that feels much closer to praxis than jerking off to Frantz Fanon until I get tenure, but I’m not even sure if I like teaching or if it was just the least of all evils I had to deal with as a grad student. (Lowkey, Fanon is probably the way to go if we’re jerking off to critical theorists, but I digress)
So Reddit, what do I do with my life? I’m a 25 year old burn out who 1) may have just lost their big shot at a slightly less worthless degree than the one they got in undergrad 2) just moved back in with their parents to a dead-end Midwest town 3) has few marketable skills and little job experience because they’ve been in academia hell for two years 4) has not had a relationship in even longer than that and 5) is generally a/pathetic.
Ending it isn’t on the table, so what do I do? Has anyone here gone through something like this? How can I rediscover my lust for life and letters? Where have you found your passion?
EDIT: forgot you needed two returns between paragraphs

Posting on a throwaway bc paranoia
Me (M19) and my Fp (M20) have been in a serious romantic relationship for quite a while, we both have bpd and he’s being evaluated for possible schizophrenia, we’ve both been open about our mental health and since the beginning, we’ve been open about our mutual fps on each other and due to it, our separation anxiety. Due to recent events which I won’t go into specifics to in attempts to keep this post as short as possible, my Fp was sent to the psychward for about a week or so, he had to give up his phone just about two hours ago and I’ve been at a total loss, I don’t know what to do with myself and I can’t stop crying, I don’t know how he is, how he’s doing, what he’s doing, nothing. We are long distance due to college starting in a few months so I cannot visit him, he wrote down my number before they drove him to facility so he wouldn’t forget it but it’s likely they won’t let him call me anytime soon. I’m in contact with his mom but our conversations have been limited and I am at a total loss.
I’ve tried distracting myself but there’s nothing i can do, i have no friends to rely on, I have no enjoyment for anything anymore, watching videos and playing games leave me with nothing, I feel a sense of emptiness so deep that it’s crippling, I don’t know what to do. He’s my support system, he’s my everything and without him I have nothing and I am nothing, I have awful thoughts and memories that I try to fend away but i cannot, nothing helps and I’m hurting. I am an artist, I have art I owe that I must work on but I can’t get myself to do anything, my hands are hurting, I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t think or I think too much, I still can’t tell.
The worst part of it all is that I was forced to stop taking my medication suddenly after taking it consistently everyday since April. For some context, i started having an allergic reaction yesterday, mainly just hives, I still don’t know what from, today the hives were still here even after I spent the day yesterday taking allergy relief and lathering myself up In anti itch shit that really didn’t help much. I went to the doctor today once they started to swell, initially I suspected my medication because I didn’t eat or do anything out of the ordinary (i don’t go outside) but after being seen by the doctor and had blood taken, he ruled it out and I fainted, had a panic attack, had some stuff injected in me and all that good shit. I called my psychiatrist right afterwards for good measure and she was unable to speak with me since she was with another patient but her receptionist contacted me after speaking with her and I was informed to stop taking my medication all together until we could speak.
My next appointment was meant to be June 3rd but I am considering calling in tomorrow and arranging a sooner appointment or something because I feel like I’m losing my goddamn mind(
I just feel like I have no direction right now and I miss him so badly im hurting physically and I don’t know when illl be able to finally hear from him again, I only have him, I have no one else, if he’s gone, im done for.
TLDR; I was forced to suddenly stop taking my medication due a medical emergency and my fp is being sent to a psych ward for about a week, it’s been two hours and I can’t stop crying.

Posting on a throwaway bc paranoia
Me (M19) and my Fp (M20) have been in a serious romantic relationship for quite a while, we both have bpd and he’s being evaluated for possible schizophrenia, we’ve both been open about our mental health and since the beginning, we’ve been open about our mutual fps on each other and due to it, our separation anxiety. Due to recent events which I won’t go into specifics to in attempts to keep this post as short as possible, my Fp was sent to the psychward for about a week or so, he had to give up his phone just about two hours ago and I’ve been at a total loss, I don’t know what to do with myself and I can’t stop crying, I don’t know how he is, how he’s doing, what he’s doing, nothing. We are long distance due to college starting in a few months so I cannot visit him, he wrote down my number before they drove him to facility so he wouldn’t forget it but it’s likely they won’t let him call me anytime soon. I’m in contact with his mom but our conversations have been limited and I am at a total loss.
I’ve tried distracting myself but there’s nothing i can do, i have no friends to rely on, I have no enjoyment for anything anymore, watching videos and playing games leave me with nothing, I feel a sense of emptiness so deep that it’s crippling, I don’t know what to do. He’s my support system, he’s my everything and without him I have nothing and I am nothing, I have awful thoughts and memories that I try to fend away but i cannot, nothing helps and I’m hurting. I am an artist, I have art I owe that I must work on but I can’t get myself to do anything, my hands are hurting, I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t think or I think too much, I still can’t tell.
The worst part of it all is that I was forced to stop taking my medication suddenly after taking it consistently everyday since April. For some context, i started having an allergic reaction yesterday, mainly just hives, I still don’t know what from, today the hives were still here even after I spent the day yesterday taking allergy relief and lathering myself up In anti itch shit that really didn’t help much. I went to the doctor today once they started to swell, initially I suspected my medication because I didn’t eat or do anything out of the ordinary (i don’t go outside) but after being seen by the doctor and had blood taken, he ruled it out and I fainted, had a panic attack, had some stuff injected in me and all that good shit. I called my psychiatrist right afterwards for good measure and she was unable to speak with me since she was with another patient but her receptionist contacted me after speaking with her and I was informed to stop taking my medication all together until we could speak.
My next appointment was meant to be June 3rd but I am considering calling in tomorrow and arranging a sooner appointment or something because I feel like I’m losing my goddamn mind(
I just feel like I have no direction right now and I miss him so badly im hurting physically and I don’t know when illl be able to finally hear from him again, I only have him, I have no one else, if he’s gone, im done for.
TLDR; I was forced to suddenly stop taking my medication due a medical emergency and my fp is being sent to a psych ward for about a week, it’s been two hours and I can’t stop crying.