Hurting when urinating

A lot of write posts about peoples experience with their Bi-Salp helped me prepare for mine so I thought I would post about my personal experience!!
So about three years ago, I got my copper IUD placed. I didn’t want to try any hormonal birth control because I tend to be hormone imbalanced, considering I got my period when I was nine years old and I already had ovarian cyst when I was 12 I didn’t want to add to the mix. For the first two years of me having it because my wedding ended up getting postponed due to Covid January 2023, I got married started my first year with the copper IUD being actually sexually active. I always loved my IUD because of the presence of no side effects. Other than the fact that my periods were terrible my periods would fluctuate from being seven days to eight days to 14 days to 20 days long. Throughout the month, I would always spot and have random cramping and then on the day cycle or the day leading up, I was already spotting a lot.. I would take 800 mg of ibuprofen every four hours for the entirety of my period because I could not Barrett all of this medication definitely affected my gut health. Towards the fall of last year, I felt like my cycles were getting a little lighter. Finally I thought I’m about to be three years with this may be it will be regulating a little more soon even with the copper had an extreme paranoia of anxiety, but I didn’t realize how extreme my anxiety is now that this risk of getting pregnant I felt was so prevalent, even though I had a obsess over people and I didn’t use any other form of birth control like condoms because I didn’t really like how it felt. I was always paranoid sitting on the toilet for hours waiting for everything to come out not doing anything for two weeks out of the month I include my period and then my ovulation week because that would also make me more paranoid. The last few months of a light cycle I got the worst cycles I had ever gotten they lasted about three weeks with giant clotting and in general I would always be having to wear. Diapers. I would wear a diaper with a pad on the inside of it and I would go through that every hour and a half so my blood loss was intense after my cycle I would get super lightheaded and the worst part is that I have always been chronically anemic my whole life I’m also vegetarian. I don’t eat meat.. It was a perfect storm. The anemia was being affected by the IUD blood loss and then I was diagnosed with heavy menstrual hemorrhaging. so in January, I decided to go to the doctor and see if there was any other options. Still, I knew that birth-control with hormones was not some thing I wanted. I was referred to a minimally, invasive, OB/GYN surgeon, and I asked about getting a Bi-Salp. he spoke to me about the whole process, and I was very excited that day we decided to take my IUD out, which thankfully was not as painful as the torturous insertion. His plan was let’s see how my natural cycle after. Take the IUD out if my bleeding regulates and I’m not losing as much blood. Would be a good option, but then it will be evident that the IUD is not the cause and that it’s a further issue and then they were considering doing a hysterectomy so that I would no longer get a cycle and I wouldn’t have to worry about my anemia by taking the IUD out sure enough my cycles got better two months and my cycles went from a two week. 22 Would be a good option, but then it will be evident that the IUD is not the cause and that it’s a further issue and then they were considering doing a hysterectomy so that I would no longer get a cycle and I wouldn’t have to worry about my anemia, but by taking the IUD out sure enough my cycles got better two months and my cycles went from a two week period to a 2 to 3 day. to 3 day period. Not even days after removing my copper IUD I felt so much relief. I felt a fullness disappear that I didn’t even realize was there in the first place and a lot of other things changed to my skin got clear and overall I felt less anxious. I believe that the copper in the IUD had been causing me some sort of copper toxicity. so after two months, I called the doctor and told him that my period had gotten better so I went back and we schedule the Bi-Salp. So I went two months without any birth control and stayed away from my husband. Lol, thankfully at the end of the two months I was able to get my surgery and a week before my surgery. I went to a regular visit with my OB and they did an ultrasound and they saw that they’re good possibly be a polyp on my uterus so when they went in to do my procedure, they also did a Oppie with to see if there was any polyps and remove the polyps that were there. They also found some cysts that they removed and I also had some endometriosis growing on my left tube and ovary thankfully they were able to remove! For the surgery and leading up to it, I stayed away away from any foods that would make me gassy and anything that would constipate me. I was drinking MiraLAX in my tea every night for the week leading up to the surgery.
Surgery day of: On the morning of the surgery, I was advised to not take my Vyvanse, which I use for anxiety and ADHD. So I skipped it and just drink water since I have been fasting since 10 PM the night before. When I arrive to the hospital, I was able to go to the bathroom thankfully and then started getting prepped for surgery. They obviously had me do a urine test and then got me set up with my IV where they would insure all of my meds this was very painful, but I sat and waited before I was feeling loopy. They gave me the anti-stress and anxiety medication before they administered the anesthesia and suddenly I was knocked out. All I remember is walking into the surgery room and thinking wow this is like Grey’s Anatomy and then knocking out next thing, I remember I wake up in the room and I am very groggy and out of it. Thankfully, the anesthesia did not cause nausea. The hardest part during this transition was getting me to pee because I kept wanting to fall asleep so badly but they kept telling me if I didn’t pee then I wouldn’t be able to go home to finally sleep so I was bloated and swollen And I finally peed the second time. After that, I was discharged and my family did a great job at trying to keep me awake while we drove home because I was asleep in the car that could get nauseous and throw up, which would hurt my belly from making those kind of movements. Thankfully, I got home and I knocked out on the couch. I woke up dazed and confused but feeling a lot better and refreshed. I felt good for about an hour and then the pain started, but not any sort of abdominal pain from the surgery itself. It was just the Thankfully, I got home and I knocked out on the couch. I woke up dazed and confused but feeling a lot better and refreshed. I felt good for about an hour and then the pain started, but not any sort of abdominal pain from the surgery itself. It was just the pain from the gas pain from the laparoscopic surgery. This pain was definitely intense and it progressed my worst day was the day after the surgery. But that same night after the surgery was difficult because I could not find any position where I was comfortable. I was taking Gas-X every two hours charcoal pills every two hours and ibuprofen and Tylenol alternated every four hours. They gave me OXY if I wanted to take it, but I never did because I didn’t wanna get constipated and I really didn’t feel any pain that the oxy could resolve pain medication does not resolve gas pain. First night I slept propped up with a lot of pillows around me holding my belly holding me from every position where I could put more weight to add pain to my body well, I didn’t really sleep that night, but I tried to sleep, but I rested upright on the couch and I was up maybe every hour going to pee and walking around because the best advice I could give is just walk as much as it hurts. Everything hurts with these gas pain so I feel better to be walking around in pain than to be sitting down, knowing that I’m not actually resolving any of the gases that is the only way the gases will escape your body. That was exhausting because I could not sleep as much as I wanted to. the day was extremely painful trapped in my ribs. It felt like someone had a split my ribs but again I had no tenderness or soreness in my abdomen no cramping anything like that. I complain the most and the most uncomfortable part of everything was just being very very bloated and not being able to suck in my stomach. I’m naturally a very thin person so having my stomach was frustrating because none of my clothes fit me comfortably. The bloating started from the top of my rib cage all the way down. But I kept up with charcoal pills and Gas-X, and I’m thinking the charcoal definitely help because I would notice a difference after taking that even more so than the Gas-X. I finally was able to go to the bathroom after the surgery and thankfully it was a smooth transition to going into the bathroom. I’m sure the MiraLAX helped because of that and I had hardly been eating because my stomach was so swollen and were so severe that even one bite of food in my stomach would make everything swell up even more and it it would hurt me. So those first few days I kept it very light. The second night after the surgery was another miserable night. I almost cried that night because I thought I was gonna lose my mind. I hadn’t slept or napped all day because the pain would prevent me from being able to rest in a comfortable position and then all night again, I did not sleep, those were the hardest 2 nights. The following day I saw a tiny bit of progress with the gas pain. But eventually, I think I got used to it by Saturday surgery having been Monday. I felt significantly better still very swollen but better. Sunday I left the house for the first time got ready put normal clothes on. The loosest clothes that I had. And that was nice to finally leave the house and try to do something normal, came back and was definitely exhausted and rested for the rest of the day by this point I was no longer taking any pain medication. Just the charcoal pills. By Monday I was feeling significantly better. I had gotten my cycle over the weekend and it was not a very painful cycle. Just a little bit of mild cramping and bleeding but nothing crazy on Wednesday. I had my follow up appointment a week and a half after surgery and I was cleared for all activity and just told to be careful with how heavy things are when I lift them to stay away from anything more than 30 pounds. I had sex for the first time in three months because of the fact that I had no birth control before my surgery for those two months when they had taken my IUD out. It was a little bit painful because my body had gotten used to sex and no penetration at all. Very quickly my bodygot used to it again. And I enjoyed it so much. I was scared to have an orgasm because I had heard online that some people complained of cramping after the orgasm, but I had no cramping at all only enjoyment. The fact that I was able to do everything I wanted without any anxiety that I would get pregnant without having to do anything to prevent that was liberating and it literally has improved my sex life incredibly and just the short amount of time today I am 2 1/2 weeks postop. And I feel great. My incisions are healing really well and I’m about to start using scar tape for the scars. I have barely any gases. My stomach is as flat as it normally is, and I’ve been feeling wonderful. The only thing I noticed after my surgery was a little bit of breaking out right after the surgery, but they said that that was normal since a lot of the drugs and medicine they put into your system for surgery is basically detoxing after you come out of surgery so it comes out of your body in different ways. I do not regret this surgery. It has completely changed my mindset towards life. I feel free finally. I’m sure my age has a lot to do with my recovery time and overall I’m a very sickly person for my age so I was expecting for this recovery to take me weeks to months, but I am feeling wonderful. I’m about to be the maid of honor for a wedding this Friday and I feel no restraint and dancing or anything of this sort. I’m grateful I didn’t get any soreness or pain in my abdomen after the surgery and that all I had to deal with was the severe gas pain. I know that is not everyone’s experience, but that was mine and I’m very happy with it. Just wanted to share some details on how everything went and hopefully this can be helpful to someone. Thankfully, my insurance covered most of the procedure and all I had to pay was $1,500. I have never been happier with a decision in my life.

I 23(F) worked for an 80(M) Dentist for about 3 years, and what I observed and endured as an employee during that time traumatized me and made me quit dental assisting in general, not because I didn't like it but because I loved it just not the dentist and I'm going to just break it down the best I can.
Starting off this specific dentist is really well known in my city, he has been practicing for 50 years now. However not much has changed in that 50 years. His office is so old that patients will come in from 1989 and say how not a single thing has been updated or changed. The floor is carpeted with rotting wood underneath and he just doesn't care. He has like creepy dolls all around the office and creepy clowns. I almost feel like he won't change anything because he wants to still feel like he's in his prime like it's the 80's/90's still.
He denies the fact that he's getting older, he says he is 44 years old when physically and literally he is not. So maybe this is some type of symptoms of a disorder. This is just some background so you can understand the full picture.
So he only hires women of lighter complexions, also certain body size, small not to skinny but curvy but not too big. You have to have long blown out hair that's always fixed, his old rule used to be that you could not wear your hair up bc it's not appealing to him. Also you can't wear glasses for the same reason. If you were trying to get a girl to work there he would have to see a picture of her first and she couldn't have tattoos or "bad teeth" even though he would put braces on staff members for free and I witnessed that, if it was "too much" the person would be a no for him. Even having a simple nose ring was against his rules.
I started working for him when I was 19 turning 20. So I was pretty young and didn't really realize until later that all of this was just so toxic and it gets worse.And so when I found out my pregnancy was healthy I announced it and they decided to not train me on patients for pretty much my entire pregnancy because they thought i would just have my baby and leave
After being post partum and working while also being a first time mom to a baby, I begin to lose a lot of weight because I guess I was stressed. I went from being my normal weight 135 to 116 pounds.
The doctor would comment on my body and say things about my weight loss in front of patients. It made me very insecure and uncomfortable two things I have never felt in my life at a job. I started to have body dysmorphia from working for this man. When he looked at me it felt as if he was staring through me and picking me apart. And no one should I have to feel like that in the work place.
I fell into a deep depression because feeling like I can't go find a new job because as terrible as it sounds, I was attached to the toxic abuse cycle there. He would love bomb and compliment you so heavily that you almost felt bad for thinking of leaving cuz he was so old. He would say things like how much he loved your personality, you were the best employee, best with patients. It was definitely creepy. Also I felt as if I were to try to leave he would be upset or it felt like I was breaking a trusted bond. So I continued working and things...got worse
Enough about my personal experience but now for the patients.The doctor treated each patient nothing more than a dollar sign. Unless they were a known person in the community, a family friend, he would give them treatment but if they had questions or concerns about their teeth he would be very dismissive, and if they argued back he would pretty much belittle them and make them feel like they were stupid for asking a question. Saying what they wanted was "impossible" because that's "the way their teeth were". I watched him take braces off of patients and their teeth were still not aligned properly, I watched him accidentally set a patient on fire, I watched him give a girl bone loss, she lost her tooth because of something he did incorrectly.
Not to mention his entire staff has not been to any type of dental school, every single person hired basically with no experience. I was told because he couldn't "afford it", yet the man has multiple million dollar homes and luxury cars....
To even scam us further he sent us to take a super lax unsupervised "test" that he said would make us certified assistants. Came to find out that was nothing more than a piece of paper.
Not to mention probably more things he has done, like practicing half blind, also urinating on himself daily and it being reported and nothing done about it.The sterilization was absolutely horrifying. Their method is not to use an autoclave but to throw all dirty instruments in a basket and throw them in an old machine that had sterilization and water and put them through an oven baking them.
Also cold sterile which was not monitored properly, and did not soak for 24 hours. Sometimes 5-10 minutes. I just got so tired of not only him being misogynistic, but not caring for health and safety of patients, or even staff members.
And the rest of the current staff members, my heart does hurt for them for them to be in this kind of abusive cycle for so long and not want to remove themselves and realize they deserve better. This kind of environment should not be normalized. And I've watch him say god awful things about every single one of them behind their back and it's honestly sad. Why would you stand by this especially for the incredibly low amounts of pay.
Making yourself look weak to him while he sits back and laughs. It's really sad and I pray for them. And I'm telling the truth and stand by it on everything I say. No I did not get fired, I quit the job. Because I couldn't take the negativity any longer. But the more I think about it the more it angers me for people that give their money to this man.
Im currently enrolled in the Dental Hygiene program at a college. I'm really excited to become a an RDH but the thing is I'm scared working for him and just cold quitting will ruin my career. Also My question is should I report him to OSHA?

February 15 i found out my husband and i were finally expecting our first baby. this was something i had absolutely begged and prayed for. i was over the moon, My entire life now revolved around “ im pregnant”
Towards the end of February i notice i was getting some intense cramping that would make me sick to my stomach, i spoke with some other moms and we’re all told by them “it’s normal”.
March 3 i was just waking up getting some breakfast and had an extremely sharp pain, this pain made me collapse to the floor. I immediately called my husband (Paramedic/FF) and he had a squad pick me up with him and take me to the ER.
By the time we arrived the cramp was gone, i felt completely “normal”. They still wanted to do a scan and just check everything out. We sat in the room for 2 hours before i was taken back to my scan. I walked into the room, the lady asked me to go use the bathroom to make sure i had no urine in my bladder, so i did. After she asked me to get on the table and explained to me the entire process.
I was so excited. i was finally going to be able to get a glimpse of my baby! i was 5 weeks so i hadn’t have had my first scan yet. i ask her if i can see what everything looks like, she approves if she can see anything. She goes from talking and carrying a conversation to total silence.
As i lay there all i can think is “is something wrong?”. She then helps me get off the table and gives me a hand towel to clean myself off. As i walk into the bathroom to do so and get my pants back on, i go to wipe.
There it was. Blood. Everywhere. My stomach immediately dropped as all i can repeating say “no no no”. The lady wheels me back to my room where my husband is sitting with a smile waiting for me to return. When he sees my face he knows something isn’t right.
Of course while waiting for results i’m googling “blood while 5 weeks” “brown blood at 5 weeks, is this normal?”. My doctor then walks in, grabs the tv remote and turns the tv off and sits down. She then looks at me grabs my hand and lets me know of the news. Ectopic Pregnancy. At this moment my entire life was just crushed. everything was ruined. My husband attempted to console me with no success.
I was also informed that due to the scan the pregnancy had bursted and i was needed to be transported to a different hospital that was 30 minutes away from there to have emergency surgery to remove my tube.
I begged and begged for the Transportation to allow my husband to ride with me.I needed him too. Of course this was denied. 30 Minutes of crying, screaming, not understanding what i did wrong.
Today, i am still having the hardest time finding a way to cope. Anytime i get a reminder i just uncontrollably loose it. Yes i understand this takes time, but it’s almost feeling like the longer it’s been, the harder it is. We have finally been cleared from my surgeon to try again, My husband is So excited. I, am not. All i can think about is how bad it hurt me to know i lost a part of me. I don’t know if i can go through that again. Now i’m so lost. the one thing i prayed for, begged for and hoped for i am absolutely terrified to have happen.

My mom would often hug, kiss, and tell me she loves me, but would never support me emotionally. Any problem I had emotionally wasn't important enough for her. One time she attempted to help me during a breakdown that was building up for years at that point but her "help" consisted of downplaying my feelings and telling me that it wasnt something to be sad about. (For context the problem was that my cats were having bathroom issues and my parents would yell, throw pillows at my cats, hold their faces in their urine, and threaten to give them away, I was around 12-13). When my mom would get angry she'd get emotionally abusive (yelling, name calling, guilt tripping, etc.), but the situations I would usually bring upon myself. Those would only maybe last about a few hours though and after she'd go back to her loving self like nothing happened.
My dad was never loving to me. He's always quiet, stoic, and uncaring. I've never come to him about an emotional problem in my life. Emotionally he's a stranger to me. I could go days without speaking a word to him
I'm also queer and my household is severely LGBTQ+phobic. I often hear my parents or my grandparents discussing how they want to hit, kill, or watch my people burn in hell. This makes me feel like even when my mother tells me she loves me that she never really means it since if she knew who I was she's probably find me absolutely disgusting. Everytime they speak of LGBTQ people, I feel as if they're talking directly about me.
When the effects of this psycological warfare finally started taking its toll, my manipulative gf at the time encouraged me to get a psychologist. I knew the process would be more than it was worth but I felt like I had to for the sake of them, that my emotional burden was hurting them (and I mean it could have been I still can't tell the line between their manipulation, but I rarely tried to vent to them as it was my worst fear to burden someone with my problems). They also downplayed all my feelings, and they always required my attention which only exasterbated my parent's emotional abuse and neglect. The process of getting a psychologist was low-key traumatizing. I felt weak, and my parents were embarrassed of me. Soon after I lost my gf (good riddance) but I was still stuck with my parent's attitude. The psychologist still hasn't helped me enough for what I sacrificed for her. I regret the process.
This all makes me feel some imposter syndrome though, that since my mom is overly loving, I didn't actually go through emotional neglect or abuse. This type of behavior is generational, and most people I know haven't been affected by anything I have. It makes me feel weak and sensitive, which I've grown up learning was the worst thing anyone could be. I've learned to remain pretty emotionless around them to prevent them from mocking me or telling me how ungrateful I am (which would happen every single time I displayed a negative emotion). Does anyone else have a similar story?

I lived! I’m at home now eating lukewarm mashed potatos and beef gravy which is actually delicious. Gonna share what it was like so others can read and feel less nervous.
I got to the Oral Surgery Office which is about an hour away from me, had to do a urine test (pregnancy test) and took a quick nervous poop (if you know you know). Then the nurse began hooking up a blood pressure cuff and all the other instruments, even gave me a blanket! She was so nice and answered all my questions and made sure to give me plenty of information before hand.
Then the anesthesiologist came in and he was super chill, he mentioned in passing that he was also currently working in a hospital operation room as another job so it made me feel really safe knowing he had so much experience. I asked them to put the IV in my arm rather than my hand and honestly that was the worse part of the procedure. Unfortunately I also wouldn’t be able to keep my teeth after but I’d be able to see and hold them.
The nurses and the anesthesiologist went back and forth for a while, doing some medical records stuff, im sure as the words they were using were unfamiliar. They had to leave the room a couple of times too.
Then the anesthesiologists came back into the room, asked my full name, date of birth, and what procedure we were doing (to make sure I am of sound mind and aware), I did so and remember saying “my last words are feel free to use all the novocain you want”. The anesthesiologists then warned that he was injecting medication to make me feel relaxed. Medicine didn’t hurt at all going it, it felt actually cold in a refreshing. The anesthesiologist then asked me to move my butt back in the chair a little, I told him I couldn’t because I couldn’t move and that’s the last thing I remember. (I assume he might have positioned me after I was out and wasn’t expecting me to go down so fast).
I woke up about two hours late water gauze in my mouth and NO PAIN!! I apparently was even chatty after waking up, singing along to the music they had playing in the background and trying to talk to everyone. Nurse had to readjust my gauze at one point because I started to choke on it a little. Got to see and hold my teeth which are much bigger than you expect they are. Then I was walked out of the office and went home!
So far the pain I’ve experienced today was been at the highest a 4-10. That was unfortunately because it was an hour drive to get back to my town, in which the drugs began to wear off rapidly but ice and some drugs as soon as I got home helped a lot. I then drank some water and took an amazing three hour nap. When you sleep after you may wake up in a puddle of blood (my chin had alot of blood on it but totally worth it for that amazing nap!
Overall the experience was fine! Don’t be worried the stress beforehand is definitely worse. You will be sore after, but it’s less of a sharp pain and more off a you feel like you just stubbed your toe really bad pain (if your face was your toe)
I rate the experience 10/10 so far! Just definitely try to take pain meds after as soon as you can with some ice and you’ll be fine

Hey! I'm Mikey. I'm a 14 year old, FtM, and I've been trans for awhile now. I came out to my family in March 12st, and tomorrow, I'm going to a camping trip tomorrow.
The only problem is, I'm being forced to go into a *girls* cabin when I'm actually a man.
I'm gonna be talking about 2 things;
1: the cabin
2: the text that I saw from my mother
My mom told me that I'm still biologically female, and she's forcing me to go into the girls cabin
(AND ALSO! I legit do not know about the people that I'm being with, because they're from other schools.)
I get what she's saying, but I've literally never looked female in YEARS, but I get her concern I guess.
My mom said that the girls I'm going to be with will "understand" my situation because I'm "biologically female" but the problem is I'm not even allowed into the girls washroom anymore because I look NOTHING LIKE A WOMEN!! My voice isn't even that feminine, thats how well I pass and its a blessing and a curse XD
also my mom found out about me going into the mens washroom today and she got really angry at me, saying that its unsafe and that people are literally gonna shove me into the urinals, and guys raping me and stuff like that, BUT LITERALLY NOTHING BAD HAS HAPPENED TO ME!!!
(btw Im not trying to ignore any transmen's experiences of rape if they've ever been through that before thats not what I mean, I mean that I've never ever had that ever happened to me and my mom just doesn't really understand how safe I really am)
I have not gotten into any fights, people legit do not care, and also NOBODY FUCKING TALKS TO ANYBODY IN THE WASHROOM! I legit dont get it man!
my mom thinks that I'm going to get into bad situations since Im ftm, which I get what shes saying, men can be kinda werid sometimes (trust me I know) BUT I LEGIT DONT GET INTO ANYTHING AT ALL!
so when my mom says that "everything will be fine, the girls will understand you" UH NO, I CANT EVEN GO INTO THE WOMENS WASHROOM ANYMORE WITHOUT WOMEN TELLING ME TO GET OUT! IF I SAW A DUDE WALKING INTO THE GIRLS CABIN I WOULD BE *DEFINITELY* BE CONCERNED AND SORT OF WEIRDED OUT, BECAUSE HE'S A MAN AND HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE BOYS CABIN!
so uh, help? what do I even do?
ugh whatever, sorry about that lets move on
*ahem* on Sunday I was at Niagra falls with my family and I noticed that my mom was talking about me to someone I only saw a little bit but I remained curious, so I checked the next day. I took my moms phone yesterday and I peaked through it, I was kind of heartbroken from what my mom has said about me.
https://preview.redd.it/f5ntw3gclh0d1.png?width=1440&format=png&auto=webp&s=96c7d9a0815a5607c5d3c29de84865f37a09c1bc
I started crying Immediately after that.
it felt like my mom has been lying to me this whole time.
I've had so many, AND I *DO* MEAN MANY CONVERTSATIONS ABOUT ME BEING A TRANSMAN TO MY MOM, AND SHE TOLD ME THAT SHE WOULD ALWAYS SUPPORT ME, THAT SHE WOULD ALWAYS BELIEVE ME, THAT SHE WOULD ALWAYS LOVE ME.
THE OTHER TEXTS HAD MY MOM TALKING ABOUT HOW SHE WAS DISAPPOINTED IN ME FOR MY MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES.
SHE TOLD ME SHE LOVES ME.
SHE TOLD ME SHE LOVES ME FOR WHO I AM.
SHE TOLD ME THAT NO MATTER WHO I AM, SHE WILL ALWAYS ACCEPT ME.
AND I FOUND THIS.
what the fuck man.
I'm so tired.
Im so done.
im so god damn tired of people thinking that I am trans because its a "trend" when literally I DONT FUCKING WANT TO BE TRANS, I JUST WANT TO BE BORN AS A CIS MAN, AND I HAD TO LIVE MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE IN THE WRONG BODY. I FUCKING HATE THAT MY FAMILY LIES ABOUT ME AND TELLS ME THAT THEY SUPPORT ME NO MATTER WHAT, BECAUSE I KNOW THEY FUCKING DONT.
I wish they would be transphobic to my face instead of just lying to me all the damn time.
the truth hurts man.
Immediately started crying after I read that, but I had dinner and so I immediately stopped myself from crying. after I ate, I started crying again, and a few minutes later my mom walked into me crying, and she told me that she "loves and cares about me and accepts me for who I am" sorta thing. I just told her to leave my room after that.
So today I was in the car with my mom, and my mom said that she hasn't said anything bad about me, and she doesn't know the reason on why I'm crying, so thats great.
Also, there's another lie that my mom has said, she DEFINITELY didn't say anything bad about me, thats for sure, uh huh.
sorry about how long the post is btw, there's just alot to get off of my chest D:

• Mikey

December 2023, started getting brain fog, off and on, several days per week. I thought I might need a change in the supplements I usually take, so I ditched Quercetin, Astaxanthin, and Krill Oil, and just kept taking the usual vitamins. No improvement in brain fog.
In late February 2024, I started feeling weak in the legs, with oddly stiff knees, when getting out of bed in the morning. It was hard to walk and my feet hurt. The brain fog also increased, and I started getting horribly fatigued, sometimes all day long. During the day and in the evening, my hands/knuckles/fingers started throbbing, sometimes severely. No fever, no swollen glands. I went to my primary doctor on March 19, and she ordered blood tests and xrays. Xrays showed no joint damage, and my inflammatory markers were pretty good, but my Rheumatoid Factor test was positive. She referred me to a Rheumatologist.
In mid-April, Rheumatologist took history and ordered a gazillion blood tests and urine test. Inflammatory markers looked good, except for IgA, which was elevated to 435. RF was negative though, after being positive the month before. FANA test was also negative (positive, with speckled pattern, but an insignificant titer....so, negative). Meanwhile, symptoms persist...brain fog, headaches, fatigue, joint pain (including wrists, now), weak/stiff/wobbly legs in the morning for about 45 minutes (but they come back if I sit or lie down for too long). At a recent follow up appointment, my primary doc ordered a brain MRI (haven't had it yet) and told me she still thinks I'm dealing with RA, but the Seronegative version.
Has anyone else experienced the same things? How did your Seronegative RA get diagnosed?

Hi all.
I (17F) am autistic and have Hypermobility Ehlers danlos syndrome, Primary chronic pain, TMJ and have exhibited symptoms of POTS. I take 15mg amitriptyline every night. Not sure if these symptoms are related but thought it was worth mentioning. Any ideas would be appreciated and advice on whether i should go to my GP.
Over the last 3 weeks, I have felt very unwell but for different reasons. The only consistent is my loss of appetite.
3 weeks ago I started experiencing a tremor in my left hand (my writing hand, will leave video in comments) which never went away. It isn’t the first time I had these tremors but they went away after around an hour so I didn’t think anything of it before but since this has stayed, I’m getting a bit worried about it.
Last wednesday, I experienced a severe headache that was light sensitive. I had a temperature of 41.2°C. My neck was also really achy and hurt when I moved it.
While the headache isn’t as bad anymore, it’s still there. New symptoms that have arisen in the past week include nausea, a tremor in my right hand and foot and an increase in my tics (head jerks and muscle contractions in my head and neck).
Another thing that is unusual for me is a severe bout of incontinence. I do struggle with incontinence but only for small dribbles of urine. Yesterday while at college, I completely lost control of my bladder and completely emptied it. My friend had to run to primark to get me a change of clothes. Since then I have needed to go to the toilet more often. After that I have had severe lower abdominal pain, tingling in my feet and my general state of incontinence has gotten worse.
Im not really sure what to do and i’m scared. TIA.

Hi everyone! This is a bit of a rant so sorry in advance. I’m 1 month post op and I genuinely feel so so upset about everything. I feel like I’ve had such a disappointing experience with everything. I felt really neglected by the nurses in the hospital who absolutely minimised my pain post op, didn’t tell my next of kin I was awake, pushed me to leave roughly 2 hours post op, couldn’t be bothered discussing aftercare with me and let me walk out of the hospital (which isn’t the standard for them apparently).
I didn’t find out what the surgeon had done till a week post op. I didn’t know what organs had been removed or hadn’t been removed until a week post op. When I rang up the surgeon’s secretary 48 hours after my surgery to ask for pain advice and to complain about how I was treated, she was so apologetic, told me he was away for 2 weeks. She passed me onto my discharge nurse who proceeded to make out like everything I experienced was my fault and I was being dramatic. She made out like I was drug seeking when I said I was in a lot of pain still and said that she had sent a porter to help me leave the hospital when she hadn’t, and then gave me a ‘sorry you misunderstood’ kind of apology.
A month post op and I saw my surgeon today, he told me I had endo on my ovarian fosse, over the top of my kidney, on my uteroscaral ligaments and rectovaginally. I told him it still hurts when I urinate, he tested me for a UTI and it came back negative. And then he sent me on my way!
I paid to go private and I am genuinely so upset with my experience, I understand nurses are busy and I don’t expect to be treated extra specially but I feel so let down and disappointed with the lack of empathy shown. It still hurts when I wee (has done since I had my op) and I have the worst brain fog. I just feel like I shouldn’t have bothered at all.

NSFW Warning
I truly don't know what to do anymore, I'm completely lost.
I'm a 20 year old male with autism and possible OCD.
There are many things I want to talk about so this is going to be really long and unorganised.
From age 18 up until last year, I viewed and masturbated to CSAM, and the way I went about getting hold of it is equally bad, if not worse. I cannot express in words the shame and remorse I feel for this.
I know most of you hate me now and I don't blame you, and I guarantee you I hate myself more for it.
The most confusing part about it is I don't find children attractive, there's no groinal response, urges, desires, arousal, nothing. I don't even take a second glance or stare, the only thing I have is intrusive thoughts. Recently I was sat in the corner of a crowded bus, and since there was nowhere else to sit, three boys, none of which could have been older than 13 sat by me, one next to me, and the other two across from me, to which I felt nothing of that nature whatsoever.
My instincts when I've been around children in recent times is purely parental and protective.
I'd never hurt a child, especially in that way, I'd slit my wrists or set myself on fire before I did that, I might just slit my wrists anyway.
I'd run into a burning building, I'd run out onto a busy road, I'd give my life to save a child's life.
I don't go out of my way to be around children, I find them for the most part irritating, I don't hate them though. Throughout my entire life I preferred the company of adults. I even live across from a playground ffs.
I'm scarred for life by some of the things I saw in those images and videos, how the hell could someone do something like that?! I want to climb through the screen and protect those kids, give them a hug and let them know nothing can hurt them anymore.
I stumbled across an image hosting site when I was 16 whilst trying to find material involving my peers again, and the site hosted lots of cropped images of teens on webcams and older kids on webcams (it was obvious what they were doing), and on the page for the accounts, it usually displayed an email where stuff could be traded, but I didn't pursue that until 2 years later.
I went about acquiring it through sending old images and videos of myself, and in a lot worse way as well.
Starting from 14 up until last year, I very occasionally placed my phone in the bathroom and filmed my friends urinating, this happened definitely less than ten times, and most of them I deleted from everywhere, but I kept one and a screenshot of a few others, I started posting these images, as well as my own nudes, on an old reddit account which was deleted not long after, I made sure to hide their identities while doing this, I enjoyed the attention and compliments I would get, and I loved bigging up my friends and seeing them get compliments.
Then I used this content to acquire the bad stuff years later, including the stuff of me.
I had an Idea that this was considered wrong but I didn't understand how it could have been harmful.
This happened to less than 5 friends, all the content I had I have long since deleted and wiped any access to, and I have no intention to do this again, but the main issue is the fact that copies could have been made of it, and I accidentally sent the uncropped video once. There's the possibility none of this stuff is out there, but it's still vile and repulsive.
One of them was my closest friend, who I had known basically all my life, I broke down to him and told him what I had done and what I believe does me to this awful, reprehensible place, and you know what he did? He told me he forgave me and that some video possibly being out there doesn't phase him and his life isn't ruined at all and it will go on either way.
But he understandably said we can't see each other anymore, that he still loves me, believes I'm a good person and wants me to live a good life and make the world a better place, which was a dream of ours.
It's extra difficult because we were so close, we had experienced so much together, held all the same interests and beliefs, and I loved him only like family could, so the fact I committed this vile act of betrayal rids me with so much shame, and deservedly so. In a way I find it harder to get through because I didn't understand the true consequences of my actions and how this could have affected him and others, it would be less confusing and easier to accept I'm just the lowest form of humanity that way.
I displayed other problematic behaviours from a young age, all to do with boundary issues, I sometimes used to touch my friends when I was 12 but never their actual genitals, and I used to jokingly show my erection to people as well.
The only constant that I knew for certain is wrong is genuine rape and molestation, which is a line I know for certain I could never cross, and never will.
From a very young age (around 3 or 4) my mother would do very inappropriate party tricks around me with her friends late at night when they were drinking, her friends would call me sexy, and as I got older and hit puberty, she started making comments about my bulge and other things despite the fact I hated it and told her so.
When I was 7 I was groomed and molested by an 8 year old boy, I wanted him to help me pass a level on my DS game and he said he'll do it if I have sex with him, me being 7 I didn't understand what that was and with him being older I complied. We were naked during this, he fondled my genitals and got me to do the same to him, he inserted his fingers into my anus as well.
When I was 10, two of my close friends groomed me, they simulated blowjobs on each other and got me to do the same to them.
When I was 11, my 12 year old friend groomed and molested me despite me protesting, he got me to get in my bed with him and he rubbed up against me. Earlier that day he also got me to sit in his lap whilst cuddling me from behind, we were wearing underwear.
When I was 13, that same friend when he was nearly 14 and another friend who was already 14 groomed and molested me in my pool again, I had an erection in the pool and jokingly showed one of them it, and it escalated from there. They both got naked and got me to do so, I protested but eventually gave in to the pressure, they also showed each other their genitals and got me to do the same, later that boy got me to sit in his lap again whilst the older boy rubbed up against me.
There was also just the normal experimenting stuff, one of my friends used to show me his erections and I would do the same.
All of my friends were going through puberty and their bodies were changing and so was mine, which I found incredibly fascinating and arousing, and I had seen most of my friends genitals and some other students genitals throughout growing up, so me being young and autistic, I became very curious.
Kids before finishing Elementary/Primary School were swearing and talking about sex, then as I got older (11) kids were drinking, smoking, doing drugs, talking about masturbation habits and apparently having genuine sex. Then by the time I was 13, there was a lot of students taking nudes, nudes being spread around school and nudes being leaked (including mine, which distressed me for a few days, but only because people knew they were mine, if they were spread around but they didn't know it was me, I wouldn't have cared), kids with condoms and other stuff etc.
I started watching non-pornographic sexual content online (sex scenes from movies, TV shows, games etc) at age 9 which I would genuinely get an erection from watching.
At age 10 I hit puberty (testicles largened) and I started masturbating to non pornographic stuff. Including videos of animals mating. I also tried to find stuff involving my peers and found a fake video of stuff suggestive of that.
At 11 I started to grow pubic hair and had my first ejaculations, as well as discover porn, and I had my first crush which was on a 12 year old boy who was another friend, who I would masturbate to. This crush lasted a number of years, but he was straight so it couldn't go anywhere. This was also the age I started taking nudes and videos of me masturbating.
At 12 I started to grow underarm har and facial hair began to appear on my upper lip, I was watching porn very heavily at this point.
At 13 my voice had broken and I was nearly my full adult height, this was also the age I first masturbated to a non-sexual nude image of a child. As well as videos of stuff like naturism and videos of circumcision (I don't have a pain or gore fetish, I would just blank it out and focus on the genitals.)
By 14 I was my full adult height, I had adult sized ejacualtions and my penis had fully grown. And that is when I started posting my nudes online. To which I would have sexual conversations with adults, not knowing I was setting myself up to be groomed and have something normalised in my head which shouldn't be.
By 15 I was growing facial hair, as well as chest and abdominal hair. And I found a shotacon involving a boy my age having sex with an adult woman, and I would pretend to be him.
At 17, a 19 year old flirted with me and got me into sending nudes to him, and he did the same, which I didn't see as bad and despite it being technically illegal, I still don't.
I also did the same when I was 19 with a 17 year old stranger online, but they were very willing and I didn't pressure them, no personal info was shared between us.
I also messaged a 15 and 14 year old at some point but stopped myself from letting it go any further. And cut them off before anything could be shared.
And when I started watching the CSAM, it was mostly teens 9n webcams that I watched, I was lured into thinking that this content isn't kids being assaulted or anything (which it is) and due to my experiences twisting my view, I thought kids were enjoying it (which they weren't) since I would have had enjoyed it at that age (which I wouldn't have) it wasn't until I saw unmistakable suffering which is when I stopped and vowed to never go there again. It was mostly stuff involving boys, the stuff involving girls I just found too revolting. I wanted to relive those experiences, go back to a time I was happier. It felt safe and comforting.
All of these experiencs warped my views and understanding of things, desensitised me and made me believe things were ok that weren't and that kids aren't as innocent as they are seen to be (which they are). I have never commited rape or an act of molestation and never will, these are acts I've always seen as vile and disgusting.
I've suffered with mental health issues for a long time as well.
I've struggled with feelings of self-hatred and worthlessness since around 9 or 10.
I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety at 13, I've been self harming and suicidal since 15, I've also been attempting suicide since 15.
I've always felt like the odd one out, I always felt like I was the worst at everything, I was the one who was left out of games at school, the one who was always picked last in sports.
I was bullied a lot growing up, by students and occasionally teachers alike.
My mother is narcissistic and has been emotionally and occasionally physically abusive to me since I was 14 (telling me she hates me and that everyone else hates me, tells me how horrible I am, tells me that I should kill myself and do everyone a favour, threatened to stab me in my sleep, hit me on the occasion, bit me, threw things at me, including heavy things and glass, strangled me).
I truly don't know what to do anymore, I'm completely lost.
I'm a 20 year old male with autism and possible OCD.
There are many things I want to talk about so this is going to be really long and unorganised.
From age 18 up until last year, I viewed and masturbated to CSAM, and the way I went about getting hold of it is equally bad, if not worse. I cannot express in words the shame and remorse I feel for this.
I know most of you hate me now and I don't blame you, and I guarantee you I hate myself more for it.
The most confusing part about it is I don't find children attractive, there's no groinal response, urges, desires, arousal, nothing. I don't even take a second glance or stare, the only thing I have is intrusive thoughts. Recently I was sat in the corner of a crowded bus, and since there was nowhere else to sit, three boys, none of which could have been older than 13 sat by me, one next to me, and the other two across from me, to which I felt nothing of that nature whatsoever.
I'm sexually attracted to males 20 and over, and I'm romantically and sexually attracted to females 20 and over, I wouldn't even date an 18 or 19 year old.
My instincts when I've been around children in recent times is purely parental and protective.
I'd never hurt a child, especially in that way, I'd slit my wrists or set myself on fire before I did that, I might just slit my wrists anyway.
I'd run into a burning building, I'd run out onto a busy road, I'd give my life to save a child's life.
I don't go out of my way to be around children, I find them for the most part irritating, I don't hate them though. Throughout my entire life I preferred the company of adults. I even live across from a playground ffs.
I'm scarred for life by some of the things I saw in those images and videos, how the hell could someone do something like that?! I want to climb through the screen and protect those kids, give them a hug and let them know nothing can hurt them anymore.
I stumbled across an image hosting site when I was 16 whilst trying to find material involving my peers again, and the site hosted lots of cropped images of teens on webcams and older kids on webcams (it was obvious what they were doing), and on the page for the accounts, it usually displayed an email where stuff could be traded, but I didn't pursue that until 2 years later.
I went about acquiring it through sending old images and videos of myself, and in a lot worse way as well.
Starting from 14 up until last year, I very occasionally placed my phone in the bathroom and filmed my friends urinating, this happened definitely less than ten times, and most of them I deleted from everywhere, but I kept one and a screenshot of a few others, I started posting these images, as well as my own nudes, on an old reddit account which was deleted not long after, I made sure to hide their identities while doing this, I enjoyed the attention and compliments I would get, and I loved bigging up my friends and seeing them get compliments.
Then I used this content to acquire the bad stuff years later, including the stuff of me.
I had an Idea that this was considered wrong but I didn't understand how it could have been harmful.
This happened to less than 5 friends, all the content I had I have long since deleted and wiped any access to, and I have no intention to do this again, but the main issue is the fact that copies could have been made of it, and I accidentally sent the uncropped video once. There's the possibility none of this stuff is out there, but it's still vile and repulsive.
One of them was my closest friend, who I had known basically all my life, I broke down to him and told him what I had done and what I believe does me to this awful, reprehensible place, and you know what he did? He told me he forgave me and that some video possibly being out there doesn't phase him and his life isn't ruined at all and it will go on either way.
But he understandably said we can't see each other anymore, that he still loves me, believes I'm a good person and wants me to live a good life and make the world a better place, which was a dream of ours.
It's extra difficult because we were so close, we had experienced so much together, held all the same interests and beliefs, and I loved him only like family could, so the fact I committed this vile act of betrayal rids me with so much shame, and deservedly so. In a way I find it harder to get through because I didn't understand the true consequences of my actions and how this could have affected him and others, it would be less confusing and easier to accept I'm just the lowest form of humanity that way.
The other two friends I stopped communicating with, I wiped the account wiped the content from all areas they were stored on, deleted what they were stored, everything, and there is a possibility it's not out their at all.
I displayed other problematic behaviours from a young age, all to do with boundary issues, I sometimes used to touch my friends when I was 12 but never their actual genitals, and I used to jokingly show my erection to people as well.
The only constant that I knew for certain is wrong is genuine rape and molestation, which is a line I know for certain I could never cross, and never will.
From a very young age (around 3 or 4) my mother would do very inappropriate party tricks around me with her friends late at night when they were drinking, her friends would call me sexy, and as I got older and hit puberty, she started making comments about my bulge and other things despite the fact I hated it and told her so.
When I was 7 I was groomed and molested by an 8 year old boy, I wanted him to help me pass a level on my DS game and he said he'll do it if I have sex with him, me being 7 I didn't understand what that was and with him being older I complied. We were naked during this, he fondled my genitals and got me to do the same to him, he inserted his fingers into my anus as well.
When I was 10, two of my close friends groomed me, they simulated blowjobs on each other and got me to do the same to them.
When I was 11, my 12 year old friend groomed and molested me despite me protesting, he got me to get in my bed with him and he rubbed up against me. Earlier that day he also got me to sit in his lap whilst cuddling me from behind, we were wearing underwear.
When I was 13, that same friend when he was nearly 14 and another friend who was already 14 groomed and molested me in my pool again, I had an erection in the pool and jokingly showed one of them it, and it escalated from there. They both got naked and got me to do so, I protested but eventually gave in to the pressure, they also showed each other their genitals and got me to do the same, later that boy got me to sit in his lap again whilst the older boy rubbed up against me.
There was also just the normal experimenting stuff, one of my friends used to show me his erections and I would do the same.
All of my friends were going through puberty and their bodies were changing and so was mine, which I found incredibly fascinating and arousing, and I had seen most of my friends genitals and some other students genitals throughout growing up, so me being young and autistic, I became very curious.
Kids before finishing Elementary/Primary School were swearing and talking about sex, then as I got older (11) kids were drinking, smoking, doing drugs, talking about masturbation habits and apparently having genuine sex. Then by the time I was 13, there was a lot of students taking nudes, nudes being spread around school and nudes being leaked (including mine, which distressed me for a few days, but only because people knew they were mine, if they were spread around but they didn't know it was me, I wouldn't have cared), kids with condoms and other stuff etc.
I started watching non-pornographic sexual content online (sex scenes from movies, TV shows, games etc) at age 9 which I would genuinely get an erection from watching.
At age 10 I hit puberty (testicles largened) and I started masturbating to non pornographic stuff. Including videos of animals mating. I also tried to find stuff involving my peers and found a fake video of stuff suggestive of that.
At 11 I started to grow pubic hair and had my first ejaculations, as well as discover porn, there was also an image I masturbated to which depicted a boy of my age giving oral to a man, and I had my first crush which was on a 12 year old boy who was another friend, who I would masturbate to. This crush lasted a number of years, but he was straight so it couldn't go anywhere. This was also the age I started taking nudes and videos of me masturbating.
At 12 I started to grow underarm har and facial hair began to appear on my upper lip, I was watching porn very heavily at this point.
At 13 my voice had broken and I was nearly my full adult height, this was also the age I first masturbated to a non-sexual nude image of a child. As well as videos of stuff like naturism and videos of circumcision (I don't have a pain or gore fetish, I would just blank it out and focus on the genitals.)
By 14 I was my full adult height, I had adult sized ejacualtions and my penis had fully grown. And that is when I started posting my nudes online. To which I would have sexual conversations with adults, not knowing I was setting myself up to be groomed and have something normalised in my head which shouldn't be.
By 15 I was growing facial hair, as well as chest and abdominal hair. And I found a shotacon involving a boy my age having sex with an adult woman, and I would pretend to be him.
At 17, a 19 year old flirted with me and got me into sending nudes to him, and he did the same, which I didn't see as bad and despite it being technically illegal, I still don't.
I also did the same when I was 19 with a 17 year old stranger online, but they were very willing and I didn't pressure them, no personal info was shared between us.
I also messaged a 15 and 14 year old at some point but stopped myself from letting it go any further. And cut them off before anything could be shared, or any messages could be exchanged for that matter.
And when I started watching the CSAM, it was mostly teens 9n webcams that I watched, I was lured into thinking that this content isn't kids being assaulted or anything (which it is) and due to my experiences twisting my view, I thought kids were enjoying it (which they weren't) since I would have had enjoyed it at that age (which I wouldn't have), it wasn't until I saw unmistakable suffering which is when I stopped and vowed to never go there again. It was mostly stuff involving boys, the stuff involving girls I just found too revolting. I wanted to relive those experiences, go back to a time I was happier. It felt safe and comforting. It was relatable.
All of these experiencs warped my views and understanding of things, desensitised me and made me believe things were ok that weren't and that kids aren't as innocent as they are seen to be (which they are). I have never commited rape or an act of molestation and never will, these are acts I've always seen as vile and disgusting.
I've suffered with mental health issues for a long time as well.
I've struggled with feelings of self-hatred and worthlessness since around 9 or 10.
I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety at 13, I've been self harming and suicidal since 15, I've also been attempting suicide since 15.
I've always felt like the odd one out, I always felt like I was the worst at everything, I was the one who was left out of games at school, the one who was always picked last in sports.
I was bullied a lot growing up, by students and occasionally teachers alike, and even my boss at my first job.
My mother is a heavy drinker, narcissistic and has been emotionally and occasionally physically abusive to me since I was 14 (telling me she hates me and that everyone else hates me, tells me how horrible I am, tells me that I should kill myself and do everyone a favour, threatened to stab me in my sleep, hit me on the occasion, bit me, threw things at me, including heavy things and glass, strangled me). There was also manipulation tactics like gaslighting, she alienated me from others by telling her friends and family how awful I was. Pushed me into meltdowns and got me to lash out, to which she called the police and got me arrested and made me look like the bad one on multiple occasions.
My father was a drug addict who died when I was 14, I saw him less than ten times my whole life, he grew drugs in my room when I was an infant, my most distinct memory is him coming to my house very late one night when I was around 9 or 10 talking about demons and bad spirits.
Addiction runs in my family (my father's father is an equally heavy drinker, his mother is a drug addict who ran a brothel), so the addictive tendencies have been past down to me.
I probably was addicted to porn by 13, and had been feeding it for years without knowing it.
My adopted grandfather died when I was 4, and my adopted grandmother (which I lived with from birth) who was my guiding light, died less than a week before my dad did.
The only father figure I really had (who was an alcoholic but otherwise very good with me) was my mother's partner who she met when I was 6, and he died when I was 8.
I was also very close to my mother's best friend, who had been more of a mother to me than my actual one had been some time died when I was 17.
My mother had an abusive ex who stalked her and threatened to set fire to the house, who also left ranting letters and stood in the back garden at night, so we lived in fear of stuff like that for over a year from when I was 12 through 13.
She also had an abusive lodger who was an even heavier drinker than she is, so from when I was 14 through 16 I witnessed them physically fight, both get arrested and on a few occasions I had to defend her from him.
Many of my friends have betrayed me over the years (I know I'm one to talk) but when this started to happen I would have never dreamed of betraying anyone, personal stuff was shared about me which I trusted them with, there was a lot of bad talking about me without me knowing. My toe closest friend turned on me at age 12 and isolated me from my other friends, I blamed myself at the time which I why I moved schools at 13 since I thought I was just making everyone miserable.
I didn't get diagnosed with autism until I was q9 despite trying to get it since I was 12, it hurt knowing I had been paying my whole life for being different, feeling ashamed of who I am (and rightly so now really), wondering why what I said was offensive, why I didn't understandfulky why this was wrong, why I was so sensitive to jokes, why I took e everyhing literally, why I made impulsive and reckless decisions without understanding the consequences of them.
I was never considered attractive and was ridiculed for it (girls used to jokingly flirt with me to torment me at school). I'm 5'6, always have struggled with weight, hairline started receding at 16, eczema so my skin is always red, dry and flaky, really bad diastema and acid reflux which means it's really hard to make my breath smell nice and my teeth are very worn because of it. I have had sex with someone who was older than me and we were both consenting adults, and we were both very respectful of boundaries.
I was also desensitised to other things slide gore and violence, I played a lot of violent video games when I was a kid, my mother is really into controversial shock movies (she got me to watch Cannibal Holocaust with her when I was 11).
The worst part about all of this is the fact all my friends who I love would hate me if they knew about what I've done so, none of them would trust me anymore or respect me, which is what friendships are all about right? So in a way they feel strange, they feel fake.
I could never find a relationship or true love because nobody wants to date a serial sex offender.
I hate knowing the fact I'm a sex offender, it's eating me alive.
I'm not registered and there is no real proof of what I did, so I can't turn myself in or anything.
I want to do good in the world, I have so much love to give, but it feels wrong me helping people because it feels like there is a sinister undertone to everything I do.
I've always enjoyed being charitable, I love giving money to the homeless or putting change in a donations box.
I feel guilty whenever I feel hapoy since I don't deserve to be, the only things that I enjoy now are food and playing video games, it's the only job I get out of day to day life.
The only fate I deserve is being stabbed to death in prison or something.
All I want is to be loved and accepted despite my flaws and mistakes, but I never could be.
The only other person I've told is my mother, who has been supportive.
I've been on antidepressants since 18 and I'm trying to get therapy, but I'm not hoping or expecting anything good will happen from this. I've been in and out of therapy since I was 11.
I had dreams, I had aspirations, I wanted to change the world for the better, I wanted to have a son, not to hurt him, but so he doesn't end up like me, but I reliase that is not possible. I don't deserve to be around children.
I hate keeping secrets, but I have no choice but to keep this one.
I want to identify with good people, but I can't.
Every good thing I do is invalidated now.
I forgive everyone who has wronged me in anyway, since I'm worse than them.
I just pray I can go out doing good, doing the right thing.
I am no better than Jimmy Saville, Ian Watkins or any of them types of people.
If you want to motivate me to end it all, feel free.
If you have read through all of this, thank you.

I’m pretty prone to UTIs and had issues a few years back with recurrent symptoms after sex, but no infections found when I sent samples away. This totally cleared up 3 years ago when I was pregnant with my first child, and hasn’t really bothered me since… until last week.
I had a discomfort down there and then the familiar symptoms- frequency & urgency with not much urine output when going - so I handed a sample into the doctor not expecting much and got a 3-day prescription of nitrofurantoin, which eased things but didn’t get rid of them completely. A few days later my GP confirmed that it was a UTI and the lab showed sensitivity to nitro, so she gave me a further 5 day course which did help the urgency/frequency go. I finished that on Saturday, but now I still have this really strange burning sensation down there.
It doesn’t hurt at all when I pee and I’d say the other symptoms are mostly gone, but I just feel a general discomfort down there between pees. I can’t really tell if it’s external or internal discomfort? I don’t think it’s thrush as I have no itching/abnormal discharge. Could this just be residual inflammation from the infection?
I handed another sample in to the GP this morning and she gave me a course of cefalexin, but I’m reluctant to take them unless there’s actually still an infection there. Any advice is much appreciated!

I’m currently 5 weeks and 3 days pregnant and we found out last week. Over the weekend I had very faint spotting which everyone assured me was normal, since it’s light light pink and only sometimes when I wiped. I may have been obsessive in watching because it’s our first pregnancy and we’ve tried for 12 years for this. Yesterday I had bright red blood with some clots. They weren’t huge, the blood was only when I wiped and my urine was tinted red with blood. I had no cramping, I wasn’t bleeding out into my underwear. And it was only for like 20 minutes. My doctor had me go in for an HCG level and I go back for another tomorrow to get an answer. I know it’s not horribly long to wait but I can’t stop thinking of what if the baby is gone and over analyzing everything. So many things say different “facts” like once a miscarriage happens you won’t feel pregnancy symptoms anymore and another article says you will. So still be slightly nauseous as I was before and my boobs still hurting idk if is good or not, i don’t if the articles should be used to give me hope, but I just don’t know how not to feel devastated before even getting the results of the blood work.

Hey all, just wanted to a share a very quick overview, thoughts, and concerns 1 week after having a microdiscectomy on my L4-5 disc last week. I am now coming up to 7 days post op, feel free to ask questions if you have any. I've attached my pre-op scans + radiologists report too, for those who are interested.
I also have some questions at the end for those who have had a MD before that I'd love your take on :)
History TLDR; sciatic pain for ~3 years, started as leg pain when extending whilst sat down, progressed to severe, constant, lower back pain and leg pain when performing any activity other than laying down on the floor.
My surgery lasted for 2 hours, and was in the hospital for a total of 2 days (1 night stay). The hospital bed + assistance from nurses was highly appreciated. As the hospital beds are adjustable, it helped reduce pressure on the wound significantly. After having the procedure, you will be unable to bend to put on socks - it helps to have a second person to assist. The incision site is still very sore, and my back feels bruised, but no complications. The incision is around 5cm.
I have now completely trailed off all of my pain medication. I was on 150mg Tapentadol and 3000mg Paracetamol daily, and the pain was very manageable. My lower back pain has completely gone, I can now sit without pain (except for some soreness around my incision site + muscle aches), but still aim to keep sitting no longer than 30m at a time.
My sciatica went away initially, but has come back slightly since the operation (~60-80% reduction in pain from pre-op). I personally put this down to a mix of coming off pain killers, and increased inflammation. I am scared as hell that it is a sign it won't go away - I know this is just anxiety talking though, as I feel I'd know if I reherniated. From what my physio has said and what others report, it can take a few weeks to a few months for the nerve pain to resolve.
My other associated symptoms have almost completely subsided. Pre-op, I had sporadic difficulty urinating, numbness and tingling in my saddle region, which has now disappeared. I did have pain in my groin/bladder a few days post-op when urinating, but that has subsided, too.
I have been doing the following exercises 3 times daily, I am able to perform these with minimal pain and they really loosen up my back and post surgery stiffness:

• 2 sets of 10 ankle pumps
• 2 sets of 10 heel slides
• 2 sets of 10 single leg knee hug
• 1 set of 10 neural glide
• 2 sets of 10 sit stand from a chair
• 2 sets of 10 sideways walking

Overall, I would put a strong recommendation on the microdiscectomy procedure. If a MD has been identified to be beneficial to your diagnosis, and you feel you have exhausted other options, go for it. I wish I had it a year ago, it would have saved me a lot of pain and likely increased my chance of a positive overall outcome.
Questions I do have for others who have had a MD:

1. How long did it take for your sciatica to improve post-op? For me, it flares up the most when doing single leg raises. Stretching does help to reduce symptoms.
2. For those who have re-herniated; how obvious was it? I keep getting the niggling anxiety that it's already happened and that's why I still have some sciatic symptoms.
3. Did you get other odd pains that weren't there before? As I mentioned, I had groin/bladder pain for a few days post op. I have also found that my shins have started hurting, where they didn't before.

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The EXTREMELY detailed, mega-anxiety edition!!! Major events like consult and surgery day are labeled like this:
——— EVENT TITLE ———
Surgeon was Dr. David Whitehead and I saw him on Long Island (New Hyde)
Summarized list of major dates:
Consult: July 19 2023 Mental health letter acquired: August 9 Dates discussed: September 12 Pre-op appointment: December 18 Surgery day: January 8 2024 Post-op: January 17
November 11th 2022: Emailed northwell health for the first time, they emailed back saying to call. I was too anxious so I avoided it for a few months.
Called northwell a few months later but got too anxious talking to the person who picked up. They were being normal and talking normally, it was just personal anxiety on my part.
October 2022 - Early March 2023: Spent time talking to trans friends and family members about their timelines and processes for top surgery.
Looked into Penn medicine for a bit but wasn’t happy with the surgeons there, specifically as a nonbinary person. The patient navigational team however is lovely.
March 2: emailed Penn health patient navigation
March 3-10: correspondence and phone calls w patient navigation (absolutely wonderful people, some of the easiest phone calls I’ve ever had) Got lots of into on surgeons, things I’d need, processes etc.
Date unknown: phone call to Penn medicine asking about surgeons and possibly setting up as a patient (v long wait time on phone) Surgeon I had heard good things about only works w CHOP program and I’m was too old for that program. Other surgeons I was v iffy on.
March 23rd: Back to square 1. Called northwell again to set up an appointment. Everyone I spoke to was really nice. Could have set up an appointment within the week but decided to wait till the end of the semester. Scheduled a trans care and primary care appointment for May
Couple of calls In between for confirmations. Trans care appointment got moved around a bit and ended up being moved to a phone call.
May 8th: Trans care call: Basic preliminary questions like: Emergency contact, what you’re looking for, are you thinking of looking into hormones, experience w dysphoria or dysmorphia, mental health, and eating/nutritional concerns, things you might want doc to know, piercings or tattoos, do you do any drugs or drink often, etc. total call time was about 20 minutes. Doctor was incredibly kind, I still experienced a good deal of anxiety but the call was super easy, welcoming, and friendly. Got sent contact referrals for the surgeons, as well as trans-friendly therapists under my insurance.
May 9th: started looking at list of therapists and making respective emails and calls. Checking per session costs and double checking insurance. Most charge 100-150 per session. Got in contact w one.
May 10th: Called w first therapist talking about what I’m looking for, where I am in this process, if parents are supportive, and talking about costs. She was very friendly and affirming, wants to have a few sessions to get to know me and my situation before writing a letter. Understandable and expected, but frustrating.
May 15th: Primary care appointment: Went to northwell health primary care, parkinglot was a little scary (just a large lot with a lot of cars) but everyone working there’s is super kind. Office is incredibly affirming, pride flags and lgbtq+ art everywhere. Gave my insurance card, filled out some paper work, got called in pretty quickly. I have a needle phobia and medical trauma so I was panicking a bit in the office, nurse was good w me about it and doctor was very kind, I just requested to not have any blood work done that day and that was totally fine, so I could schedule that at a later date and go w a friend. Recommended to get blood work done before scheduling a consult w a surgeon. Also prescribed me a single dose anxiety med for the bloodwork which I was very happy about. I found over time that the anxiety meds unfortunately do little to nothing for my panic attacks personally when it comes to needles but regardless having a doctor acknowledge and respect that fear and listen to me was incredibly helpful and reassuring.
May 30th: Got blood work done in a different lab, went w a friend. Scheduling for that is super easy, I think I did it online actually I don’t entirely recall. they do take walk ins but I made an appointment to minimize complications and make sure I could prepare properly. Front desk/lobby area was a little spooky, but I think that is mainly just bc of my social anxiety. They take a urine sample, you give them your prescription, eventually they call you over for blood work. Quick and easy, tech was v nice and having a friend with me was incredibly helpful. Probably the best I’ve ever done with a needle despite the fact that I did still panic and get very lightheaded lol.
Got blood work results back within the next couple days, all looks a-okay! Neat :)
June 15th This day was incredibly difficult. I had my first session with a therapist to establish some ground knowledge around my dysphoria and the way that I view myself. Top surgery is something that I know from research and related experience Can be difficult and expensive to get and can take time, so much of my prep work has been on the understanding of taking things a step at a time and just knowing that the current way things are doesn’t have to be forever. It allowed me to be able to live with myself while prioritizing my health better. This read to the therapist as “not having the level of dysphoria [she’s] come to expect and look for in someone who is trans” and was largely based off the fact that I don’t want to go on hrt. Past that point I started to break down because now my method of learning to live with myself felt like it was actively going to work against me and prevent me from getting top surgery. I’m not good at talking about my dysphoria, I can’t imagine it’s easy for anyone, especially to a stranger I just met. It was rough, and I felt incredibly mentally drained after ending the session.
June 19th Called it quits with the first therapist, I felt incredibly disrespected and the one session we had put me in a mental spiral for days. It can feel some times in this process like the people you have to get permission from need you to be severely depressed and unable to wait another second for this procedure just in order to take you seriously.
After I left that therapist, I immediately got back to the list to find someone new. Spoke to a new therapist via email, but my insurance is kinda weird (Blue Cross Blue Shield out of state) so its off putting to some people. This therapist recommended I go through the office she started out at (Heart and Soul Counseling)
————- Time Skip ——————
IM BACK its time for some record keeping. Got super overwhelmed and lost the energy to document my process for some time so here goes.
HEART AND SOUL COUNSELING: My experience w/ this therapy office was mostly good. The person in charge, Jesse, was absolutely lovely and responsive. Never spoke in person, but any text/email interaction was prompt, respectful, and kind. The office is stellar with email/text communication, so I only ever had to call them once when I was initially inquiring about the office. This is something I wish all therapy/counseling centers did better, eliminated a ton of my anxiety and hesitation to speak to therapists.
I got set up w someone as quickly as possible and established what my goal was (to acquire letter document for my surgery team). I attended multiple session w the therapist, she was a kind lady but the sessions were unfortunately p miserable for me. We didn’t fit well, but I was willing to stick it out rather than backtrack on my process. She also did not invalidate me or accuse me of not being trans which was a major step up from my first therapy experience. Once I acquired my letter I did stop therapy there, I kindly explained to the therapist that it wasn’t a good match, but I may honestly explore my options at the office in the future. Receptionist there was also lovely and they had a cool fish tank.
———- CONSULT STARTS HERE —————
July 19th: CONSULT!!! My mama and I went to Dr. David Whiteheads office for a consult. Parking was a nightmare so I’m super glad I didn’t have to drive for this one (ty mama). Consult went really well, and the staff were all super friendly. Dr. Whitehead is cool, very chill energy and a bit intimidating, but I’m scared of everyone so that’s nothing new. First question he asked me is what I wanted/what he could do for me which caught me more off guard than it should have? I didn’t realize going into this process how many times people ask you what you’re having done even if it’s already written down, because there’s so much variety in what you can look for in the results.
We talked about the procedure, went through a slideshow n stuff, and discussed how I wanted a flat chest w/ no nipple preservation. They made sure to specify that my mental health professional letter had to include that I did not want nipple preservation because thats technically a “non-standard” appearance. Also had the first breast exam I’ve ever had in my life. Can’t say i’m a fan (not that I need to worry about that anymore!) Took pictures n measurements n such, and also discussed recovery supplies and care w me and my mom.
August 9th: After a plethora of painfully awkward therapy sessions, a decent amount of crying, and a couple breakdowns in friends cars/backyards, I got my therapist letter and sent it to the surgeons office. It ended up needing minor revisions to which I contacted Jesse from Heart and Soul and he got me the revised letter immediately. Unfortunately the surgical coordinator was out of office for the rest of the month the next day ;w;. Is how it be.
September 12th: Got a call from Surgical coordinator mid-painting class that I stepped out to take. Started discussing surgical dates!! She was kind enough to email the dates to me which was lovely because I was absolutely shaking/mind blank haha. There was an option for January 8th which felt like an absolute miracle the way it would work with my school schedule. It would give me a solid two weeks recovery time before spring semester began. Because it would be a couple months out, I was asked to contact her in the second week of October to submit documents to insurance.
(Timeline note: earliest date offered was in early December)
October 10th: Documents sent to insurance, predetermination started
October 30th: Received mail from my insurance approving my procedure as medically necessary (YAY) But! This is also where things get,,, fun! Dr Whitehead’s surgical coordinator, Alyssa, is a blessing and was very helpful and prompt with me despite the fact that I had to email her pretty constantly during this general time which I still feel bad about.
Around this time, my mom got diagnosed with breast cancer, which I reported to the surgical coordinator because it influences my family history (grandmother also had breast cancer). It was asked that I get genetic testing done because this could impact my surgical procedure. Now I’m handling the setup on this between helping my mom in her process setting up consults and considering her options because there of course is a lot of crossover to the steps I’ve already completed and am familiar with.
November 1st: Very kind person at cancer genetics calls me, sends me a family history questionnaire to fill out before I can be scheduled to see a genetic counselor. Filled out the questionnaire the same day.
November 8th: Called cancer genetics to check about scheduling, office was not open so left a message. Got a call back later in the day. I have a virtual appointment with a Genetic counselor Tuesday the 14th. Current plan is a mailed saliva genetic test but I’m going to ask if theres anything I can do to get results/materials quicker. If I can’t get results/feedback by December 8th my surgery date may get deferred.
Trying not to stress too much because there is little to nothing I can do about this, and I just don’t want to be sad. I’ve kept telling myself throughout this process to not get excited and not let myself believe anything is solid because something could happen at any time that might mess up my schedule or plan, and If I convince myself I’m in the clear, those changes will hurt a lot more. So far I think thats been a good move, because this really sucks.
My surgery date is still officially scheduled as of now as well as my first post-op. I will also ideally have pre-surgical testing done December 18th should I be cleared by genetics in time (Fingers crossed!)
ALSO! Def lean on friends if/when you can during this process. It can absolutely be challenging, and having a support system is incredibly important and helpful. I’m super lucky to have really lovely and supportive friends that are around to listen to me and send me pictures of stupid little animals.
November 9th: My mama is scheduled for her double mastectomy on December 4th
November 10th: Did some shopping with my mama for recovery supplies for double mastectomy/top surgery. Having watched a million and a half transition/top surgery videos and tiktoks and having read all the blogs and posts and tweets makes you a great support for someone suddenly faced with an upcoming double mastectomy! We might go shopping this weekend for some button ups and zip ups for her, clothes shopping is better done when you can try stuff on
November 14th: Meeting w genetic counselor: Victoria Webb, one of the loveliest medical care workers I’ve ever met. Had a virtual appointment with her to discuss and set up genetic testing. I explained to her about my situation w the proximity of my surgery and tight deadline as well as my willingness to do a blood test instead of a saliva kit to get results quicker. She was so incredibly kind and good with me, ended up being able to do a saliva kit and get results in time she deserves every good thing in life.
December 18th: pre-surgical testing: This was at the main hospital, everyone was really nice but I had a really bad panic attack despite being on Xanax.
The process is sort of like getting a physical. Measurements like weight and blood pressure get taken, lots of preliminary health questions. The people working with me were really kind and I was very open with them about my anxiety, it was visually apparent though anyway because I started crying the second we even started talking about the blood draw.
Once the equipment was actually brought into the room I started to panic. Both of the women working with me were really kind and helpful and tried to distract me and keep me talking the entire time, but I did still have a really horrible panic attack. Every muscle in my body locked up and I lost all my color, took a bit to get back to a spot where I could move and talk properly because my speech was affected too. It was a bit scary but funny to think about in post. Thanked the medical staff for being patient w me as always, a good portion of the anxiety is also guilt about making things harder for them. Got through it tho. Def eat before presurgical if allowed, I didn’t and that probably didn’t help!!
———- SURGERY DAY ————-
January 8th:
Ok so surgery day:
This day was very scary. Got my phone call the Friday prior for my surgery time which ended up being 1pm and I was asked to arrive around 11. Got there at 10 and went in at 10:30.
Called up to check in then in waiting room till someone brought me back to change. I told her right away about my anxiety with the iv bc that’s legit all I could think about. Got changed right after. I was generally shaky and a little disoriented the entire time because I was panicking but everyone was very patient with me. Clothes and belongings go in a bag in a locker and you get two gowns one that faces back and one that faces front. I was given underwear and a pad as well because lucky me I got my period a couple days before my surgery.
The pre-op area is a lot of little cubicles with curtain divider things, blue soft chairs, and medical equipment. Everyone I met and spoke to was very kind, but any time someone even suggested starting my iv I would panic. I was informed it would have to be placed in my hand and that terrified me, I’m especially anxious and sensitive about my hands and fingers. I think doctors and nurses tend to misunderstand exactly where my fear is with needles and ivs. It isn’t the pain that scares me, but the concept of veins and and anything being in them. Even writing this right now is horrible so I’m going to stop w any further detail. I spent the entire two-ish hours of pre-op absolutely terrified about this iv.
I wasn’t really keeping track of time but dr whitehead came in to do markings for surgery. They had cool rainbow socks on,big fan. Having your chest drawn on and just like, moved around n shit is such an experience. Felt bad because I kept losing my balance but doctor Whitehead is cool and I am 98% less scared about them now.
Probably my most favorite person I met during my entire hospital experience was the anesthesiologist. I know he told me what his name was but I couldn’t focus on or retain information at the time. He told me we could essentially put me to sleep with gas before putting the iv in and for the first time in probably a solid week I felt like I could calm down a little. He took a look at my hand and arm to check my veins which always does freak me out a bit but I’m more used to that kind of thing at this point and I know nothing bad is going to happen. One of the nurses came in with the iv equipment and he let her know that were going to wait till in the or which was also incredibly helpful because I absolutely panicked when I saw that little supply kit again.
V nice lady brought me into the or, I’d never been in one before it was cool. They had a little music speaker which was really cool. Took off blue jacket gown and they helped me onto the table. They put a warm blanket over my legs and my chest to help me calm down. Before long they gave me a mask w fun happy sleepy time gas, they let me keep my arms on my chest for a while which was really nice because I was still scared. I started getting loopy pretty fast but I still heard when someone mentioned where the iv equipment was and panicked a little because of that. I remember feeling them take my hand for that but never actually felt anything happen. Just some fear but the gas was v helpful obvi. Someone said they would see me in a little bit, and then I was groggily waking up in recovery.
Recovery was a little rough bc the iv was still there (fully wrapped up so I couldn’t see it though which was rad) but I was still really anxious about it until it was taken out and when it was taken out. For anyone that struggles w this i did not feel them remove it, just the tape. Everything was mentally much easier after that. After a while, going over instructions w parents, a cracker , some ginger ale and some juice, my dad helped me Get dressed and I was helped out to the car in a wheel chair. Ride was smooth bc of remaining numbness and meds except a few Bumps in the road
TOP SURGERY GOTTEN
My post op date was scheduled for Jan 17th and that’s the day I got my drains out followed by several post op check-ins. First week of recovery was miserable but things exponentially approved each day past that, and I went back to school in person two weeks post-op with driving and item-carrying assistance from friends!
Will upload recovery notes at a later date! Feel free to message me with any questions, more than happy to answer and give info! I’m a bit over four months out from surgery now and thriving 🥳

Update (sort of)
Really appreciate everyone’s response, after speaking to the midwife I’ve handed in a urine sample to be sent away check for a UTI, she’s also told me I’m doing far too much (which is true 😂) also when I was discharged from the main hospital they didn’t give me strong painkillers I can’t take diclophenac so called GP to get painkillers but no surprise they were useless so midwife contacted A&E and they’ve gave me cocodamol tablets which have sort of helped but not greatly, back up today for bloods not sure what there for 🤞🏼🤞🏼 it is just that I’ve been a million mph as I’m stubborn and can’t help myself unfortunately
I’m now 18 days post section and whenever I need the toilet or need to fart the pain I’m in is what I can only imagine contractions feel like, this morning it was so bad I ended up stranded in my living room holding onto the sofa till it passed. Is this normal? I can go to the loo it doesn’t hurt at all but surely this isn’t the ‘norm’

Hi, Is it possible that my current pain is related to an IC episode as when I wake up I feel almost normal but the more I pee during the day the more it hurts until the point that it hurts like a 7/10 when I try to sleep in the evening. I’ve been tested and it is not an uti but I wonder if the fact that the pain is progressive could still mean it’s IC? I also have 0 pain while urinating but it hurts /burns afterwards
Many thanks!

I have a UTI. I’m a 44 female and this is not my first rodeo. I get 1 or 2 a year. I take bubble baths way more than I should.
I know the signs and symptoms like clockwork.
I thought I could wait until tomorrow but it rapidly intensified so I opted to use Telehealth through UHC. They literally list UTI as an example of an ideal Telehealth condition.
So my assigned provider calls me and asks the typical questions. She agrees it sounds like a UTI.
Then she checks my current medications.
DR: Oh, you’re on Zepbound? You didn’t mention that you’re diabetic.
Me: I am not diabetic.
Her: Then why are you on Zepbound?
Me: Weightloss. It’s a weightloss drug.
Her: For diabetics.
Me: No, I don’t believe so. You’re thinking of Mounjaro.
Her: They are the same medication.
Me: I know. But one is for diabetics and the other weightloss.
Her: I’m sorry but I cannot call you in antibiotics. You need to have pathology to rule out kidney issues. This is a problem with diabetes.
Me: Uh, I’m having no kidney issues. No side or back pain. No fever. Urine is clear. Some Pink after wiping. Also I am not diabetic. It burns when I pee and there’s spasms when I’m done that hurt really bad. That’s it.
Her: You must be diabetic if they approved this medication for you. I know it’s inconvenient but I cannot call you in antibiotics from this appointment.
The end. Basically.
What in the world just happened? Also, called right back and got some other provider who sent in a script for both antibiotics and diflucan without issue.
So bizarre.

hi! im a (now) 20 y.o young man. this is a throwaway account for reasons you’ll easily understand later down the line. started having urinary issues two years ago. for the first few months, i had what seemed like UTI symptoms - excessive need to urinate mostly, but not much else. then it stopped after taking antibiotics, and since then i have very different symptoms, and to be fair they’re not really constant, as they change basically every week. what i mean is there’s a long set of symptoms and they basically switch places every now and then, even in intensity. so, since september 2022: - weakened flow, sometimes more, sometimes less, sometimes (rarely) pure hell. - flow that abruptly stops midway through like a muscular contraption and struggling to pee after that, managing to do so with heavy struggling that almost causes me to trigger defecation stimuli. - urinary retention caused by what i described. it’s the most intense during the night: its like i cant feel and control my muscles when urinating, but right as i return to bed i start feeling heavy spasms of that same muscle that pushes the leftover urine in the urethra, and it gets stuck there. if theres much left, it leaves a permanent sting on my penis until i urinate again. i sometimes have sharp, stinging pain inside my anus (sometimes, but not always, this ache involves my pelvis too) and last, but not least, my perineum tends to hurt sometimes, often after masturbation or sexual activities, although this issue first presented itself a few years before all this, specifically when i was 17. one other thing: all of those symptoms get extremely worse after ejaculation, and take many hours (and flushing, lmao) to calm down. when i ejaculate, my urethra starts itching too. i also suffer from hemorrhoids, from time to time. and i have this permanent feeling of heavyness around my prostate that makes me massage my perineum, even without noticing. did the cultures, its all clean. not bacterial. but i’m scared. i haven’t managed to tell this to doctors, but i was abused when i was 6. or 7, its cloudy and i don’t remember clearly. rounds of many psychologists and psychiatrists after that. diagnosis: mood disorder with depressive-irritability cycle caused by possible PTSD. also OCD, ADHD. clinical depression and things like that. handicap recognized by the state with this diagnosis printed on it. this was 10 years ago, in italy. now things are changed, but then, obtaining a diagnosis like this was extremely difficult. im worried physical trauma may have caused a stricture or something like that. is it possible?

Some context. We adopted two young cats from a stray mother. Brother and sister, who are now 7 years old. Sister is a small, unassuming angel who hasn't hurt a fly in her life. Brother is a sweet cat who needs so much love and attention and loves to hang around people, but he's also very prone to stress and getting himself into trouble.
He started peeing inside years ago. And to be honest, he never stopped. Sometimes a few times a week, sometimes a few times a day. Sometimes when we're present, sometimes when we're not. He's neutered, but it's clearly spraying - vertical surfaces, tail raised.
He's made such a big deal of peeing that he's had several medical issues with his bladder, with one instance being nearly fatal - a few extra hours and he'd been dead.
Our lives have changed, with a young daughter having joined the finally, and this has dramatically worsened the situation. There's damaged furniture, odd smells and a constant sense of tension when he's obviously prowling the house looking for a spot.
But he's SUCH an amazing cat. Energetic, kind, sociable, loves to play, loves to cuddle. I love the guy so much, he made me fall in love with cats and has been such a source of comfort and love. We've tried to much. Vet visits, stress medication, extra love and attention, even more litter boxes, letting him go outside (was an indoor cat for a long time), Feliway... We've treated the urine spots with everything we could imagine but at this point it just feels useless, like we're barely making a dent on the years of damage.
I know I'm rambling. It's just such a painful thing to me. He's been a part of the family for 7 years but we are beyond desperate. I think he needs to go find his happiness elsewhere, away from the stress of a young child and a house that's forever changed/changing, and away from the furniture and walls that are irreparable damaged... but we are just paralyzed.

I’m on year 7 of my IC journey that started at 15 years old. I’ve had pretty much everything under the sun with multiple specialists, so I thought I would share for people in the same positions I was in during the beggining.
Regular gyno or urologists are oftentimes clueless about IC. Please see a urogyno asap.
Hydroxozine and Benadryl can help with the bladder sensitivity and burning a bit as well as help you sleep.
If you’re looking for something non drowsy Zyrtec may work for you and one of my friends has really good luck with Xyzal (both are otc).
There are some studies about the long term effects of too much Benadryl so I’d be cautious about that.
Some supplements that many people with IC take consistently are D-mannose, aloe tablets, magnesium (for the muscles and sleep), and marshmallow root. I’ve noticed improvement from D-mannose and aloe for the burning but not as much marshmallow root.
The aloe tablets are also great for those with vaginal dryness from their inflammation.
Desert harvest also has an AMAZING cream called relevium you can order over the counter with 4% lidocaine in it as well as aloe and vitamin e that helps repair skin and reduce inflammation. It’s so good for the burning. Do not use it inside (but a little won’t hurt if it gets in there). It’s mainly for urethra irritation and burning.
IC is not simply a bladder disorder originating from inside your bladder. It HEAVILY affects your muscles. Feel inside your vagina and if it’s very tight, banding, or causing painful intercourse you likely have hypertonic pelvic floor issues either causing or exacerbating your IC. There are many stretches you can do to help this as well as pelvic floor therapy. It’s a godsend for many, but don’t get discouraged if it gets a little worse before it gets better with that. It’s part of the process with the lactic acid build up in your muscles.
There are two common kinds of PFT one of which you should be very wary of. The first time I went through this process I saw a team who focused on electrostimulation therapy. This is where a probe is inserted vaginallty and anally and contracts the muscles more and more with each visit. That method also focuses on kegals. Not only does it make most people much worse while they’re in treatment, it’s proven to not be very effective at all and make some people worse. The goal of this method is to essentially wear out your muscles to the point they finally give up and relax. It’s effective for very few people and I would suggest only doing it as a last resort.
I would recommend pelvic floor therapy involving muscle relaxers, stretches, and vaginal massage before that. The way that works is that they essentially cut off blood flow to those tense muscles through massage, hoping that the fresh oxygenated blood flowing in helps the muscles to heal and relax. Once again this may feel worse before it feels better due to the lactic acid buildup.
Do not give up on Pelvic Floor Therapy until you’ve given it 6-12 weeks.
If those muscles are stubborn there are options for pelvic floor Botox injections as well as bladder injections. These can also be done under anasthesia during other procedures like cystoscopy and hydro hydrodistention. I honestly recommend doing that because it is very painful without it and may stress the fuck out of your muscles if you’re awake.
hydrodistention is when they fill your bladder to max capacity. This is done routinely to stretch your bladder and to measure bladder capacity.
There is also the bacterial side of things. Some people with IC have overgrowths of bacteria in their urine. There is a 24 hour urine test you can do to look at how your urine is comprised and how much you’re peeing. There is also a culture where they culture all the bacteria’s in your bladder in one inviroment as they would grow inside you. This is to replicate the environment of your bladder to see if you have any antibiotic resistances, overgrowths, or other things.
Ureaplasma and mycoplasma are another theory that’s kinda controversial and expensive to test for. But some consider it an std. it’s a type of bacteria that can overgrow in your bladder, but also it’s kinda a part of the natural microbiome so I don’t know how much credit I give that.
You may notice that you have other conditions such as PCOS, endometriosis, adenomyosis, and or IBS. These conditions are also inflaming your pelvis and can make your bladder more angry if not under check. However, I DONT suggest going crazy trying to cure other pelvic conditions in order to fix your bladder. That’s what I did and it didn’t work as I’d have hoped. I’d try to find multiple doctors or people recommended by ur urogynocologist to help you manage everything together if that sounds like you.
Hope this helps!

TL;DR: After 3 miscarriages and a diagnosis of DOR, I had two healthy pregnancies without IVF or other ART.
We started TTC when I was 35.5, my partner 37. We got pregnant quickly, and quickly had 3 miscarriages, all around 8 or 9 weeks. We never had them tested, but my OB suspected genetic abnormalities.
My partner's test results were normal for a man his age. After the 2nd miscarriage, I had bloodwork and an SHG, a procedure where my OB filled my uterus with saline and looked at it on an ultrasound to see whether I had any visible issues that could explain what was wrong. This procedure was timed to a specific day in my menstrual cycle, so that while we were at it, she could look at my ovaries on the ultrasound as well, to make a prediction about how many eggs she could expect to retrieve if we decided to try IVF.
The SHG turned out normal. My uterus was perfectly fine. My ovaries, however, looked like those of a woman nearing menopause. My antral follicle count (AFC) was only 4. If we did IVF now, the doctor said, that’s how many eggs she expected to harvest -- just 4. Not nearly enough for a promising cycle. The results from the blood test also corresponded to the levels of a menopausal woman. Here are the numbers, for those of you who already know what these mean:
Day 3 AMH: 0.311
Estradiol: 23.8
FSH: 13.8
I might have looked 30 on the outside, but I’d just turned 36, and on the inside I was closer to 50. Our doctor did not recommend that we move forward with IVF. We asked her what we could do instead. She suggested I try supplementing with DHEA, and gave us the recommended dosage (25 mg 3 times/day, for a total of 75 mg daily). She also recommended CoQ10, though she didn’t have a suggested dosage for that, and noted that my vitamin D levels were low. I started supplementing with each of those three things.
I noticed the effects of the DHEA very quickly. It’s an androgen, and can cause women to start sprouting extra body hair. My libido sprang up to teenager levels, and I got acne again.
I decided to take only 200 mg/day of the CoQ10 because it was expensive. That and the vitamin D seemed to give me more energy, maybe, but I couldn’t say for sure.
It took us longer to get pregnant the 3rd time. The miscarriage was the same.
Our OB explained again why she didn't recommend IVF for women with DOR, and told us about a patient of hers who’d had 9 miscarriages before having a successful pregnancy. We were lucky we were able to get pregnant so easily, she said. We were lucky that we didn’t have any other issues compounding the DOR.
If we wanted to explore other options, she told us, our best chance was to use an egg donor. Other than that, all we could do was keep trying. During my fertile window, and given our age, she recommended intercourse every 48 hours.
I doubled down on my research. I read everything I could find online, and read a lot of posts on message boards like the one I’m writing now. Here’s what I decided to do:

1. Lots of exercise, or at least “lots” by my desk-worker standards (brisk walks every day, gentle training with 10-to-20-pound weights a few times a week, and frequent bike rides)
2. Lots of time being happy and relaxed and out in the sun
3. Supplements:
   1. DHEA, 75 mg/day divided in 3 doses
   2. CoQ10, 800 mg/day (ubiquinone, the cheaper kind)
   3. Vitamin D3, 2,000 IU/day
   4. Acetyl L-carnitine, or Alcar, 250 mg/day (the typical dose is 500 mg, but I found this amount gave me nightmares; at 250 mg I felt more energetic, like I could do twice as much exercising as I normally did)
   5. Alpha lipoic acid, 300 mg/day (this makes your urine stink, but it’s inexpensive and safe, and in addition to helping with fertility, I also found studies about its benefit to diabetics and its effect on the pancreas)
   6. Black cohosh on cycle days 1 through 12 (it’s an herb, so I have no idea how much I was actually getting)
   7. Vitex (ditto)
   8. Prenatal vitamins
   9. Fish oil (why not)
   10. More soy foods and freshly ground flax seeds in my diet, for extra estrogen

A note about CoQ10: There are two kinds on the market, a cheaper one (ubiquinone) and an expensive one (ubiquinol), which is supposed to be better absorbed. Both are similar in structure to vitamin E, but are not classified as vitamins because your body can make them on its own. I went with a low-ish dosage of the expensive one the first time around, but after the third miscarriage, I switched to a higher dose of the cheaper one, 800 mg. I definitely noticed an increase in energy while I was taking it.
Here is a study on CoQ10 in follicular fluid and its association with better outcomes: https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00404-011-2169-2
Here’s another (“Conclusion: Our observation leads to the hypothesis that the oral supplementation of CoQ10 may improve follicular fluid oxidative metabolism and oocyte quality, specially in over 35-year-old women”): https://www.mdpi.com/2076-3921/7/10/141
The positive news about CoQ10 keeps coming. I’ll stop with these: https://rbej.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12958-018-0343-0, https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/acel.12368
From what I learned while researching this stuff, both CoQ10 and acetyl l-carnitine are antioxidants that are thought to be active in the mitochondria. The mitochondria is sometimes called the “battery” of the cell, supplying its energy as it does its job. After an egg leaves the nourishing environment of the ovary for its journey down the fallopian tube, its only source of energy is its own mitochondria. That’s what keeps it fresh and alive. So an antioxidant that might help the mitochondria have more energy might be crucial for keeping egg cells, and the DNA inside them, better organized for longer -- long enough to conceive. This theory would apply to sperm cells as well, and is thought to be why taking these supplements gives people more energy. Young people have a lot of CoQ10 in their bodies, but after age 25 or so, our natural production goes down.
Here’s a study about egg quality and acetyl l-carnitine (ALCAR): https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0378432012002436
There isn’t as much research, especially in humans, on ACLAR as there is on CoQ10, but what’s been done so far looks promising. Here’s a study in mice: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0378432012002436
As for alpha lipoic acid (ALA), my understanding is that this is thought to be beneficial for diabetics because of its effects on the pancreas. The pancreas and the ovaries are similar in the way they age (again, according to things I read while I was researching like crazy). While I’m not overweight, I’ve always had high blood sugar, and have type 2 diabetes on both sides of my family. So I added this to my regimen too.
Research: ALA supplementation is thought to be safe during pregnancy: https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/09513590.2018.1462320
A small study has shown ALA to be helpful in patients with PCOS undergoing IVF: https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Luisa_Caponecchia/publication/303088959_Effect_of_myo-inositol_and_alpha-lipoic_acid_on_oocyte_quality_in_polycystic_ovary_syndrome_non-obese_women_undergoing_in_vitro_fertilization_a_pilot_study/links/584fb41c08ae4bc8993b3211/Effect-of-myo-inositol-and-alpha-lipoic-acid-on-oocyte-quality-in-polycystic-ovary-syndrome-non-obese-women-undergoing-in-vitro-fertilization-a-pilot-study.pdf
Anyway, if you're still reading, pregnancy number 4 was a success. I quit every supplement except for prenatal vitamins. My doctor at the IVF clinic put me on progesterone until I got through week 10, in case a progesterone deficiency was the cause of my previous miscarriages. She’d never tested for this, so the progesterone was just a precaution. I’d always been plenty nauseated with each of my pregnancies, and the supplemental progesterone only made it worse. All I could eat were dry crackers. After reading a few things about the potential effects of progesterone on an embryo, I don’t think I’d do it again, not unless my doctor had a test result suggesting that it was what I really needed.
My doctor also recommended I start taking baby aspirin, 81 mgs/day, to be continued throughout the pregnancy, in case I had an issue with blood clotting that was causing the miscarriages. She’d never tested me for it, and given my AFC and AMH and FSH levels, it seemed like we already knew what my problem was, but she said it couldn’t hurt, so I went on it and stayed on it until 36 weeks.
Two years later, while I was supplementing with just prenatal vitamins and CoQ10, and without really trying, we got pregnant again. Baby #1 is now five years old, and #2 is three.

So I’ve been having problems urinating I was treated for uti and finished my antibiotics but I still have some discharge coming out of my penis and last night I was jacking off and when I ejaculated it hurt extremely bad and after I was done blood started to profusely come out of my penis