Some of the images in corona are from a movie called bloody birthday from 1981.If your not familiar its an Interesting movie to link on the corona clip as its about 3 kids born on an eclipse offing people.One of the main characters was going in depth about astrology and at one point theres a whole monologue about presidents in office kicking the bucket every 20 years. Out of curiosity I looked up if that was true and apparently there is the curse of tippencanoe which has native American roots.

In light of recent discussions regarding the delivery of story in Penacony and how HSR is akin to a “visual novel” with narration, I thought it would be interesting to investigate how much of HSR’s story delivery actually takes place in a narrated visual novel style, since the game does feature that type of delivery, and whether or not Penacony has made any significant changes on this front. I'm tallying these because these tend to be the least interactive sequences to look at visually, leading to a heavily expository feel to the scene.
The scenes I consider a "narrated visual novel" sequence:

• HSR has many sequences that feature a still pre-drawn picture, series of pre-drawn pictures, or a pre-drawn animated picture on screen, presented with story text and narration dubbed overtop. Basically this encompasses artwork that is not rendered by the game engine with 3D models and textures etc. For example, this still artwork of a bird in Robin’s hand with narration over it (screencap courtesy of Rubhen925's playthrough videos):

https://preview.redd.it/l0q5s2y3830d1.png?width=1844&format=png&auto=webp&s=c810723c1cc9d4ab6e75740df013ce02b2bdf519
What I do not count as a "VN" sequence:

• Any sequence with live in-game rendering, such as still camera shots of in-game scenery or of characters standing and talking
• Picture of an object (e.g. Sparkle’s flower buttons) since these are usually characters handing items to other characters.
• Phone texting, in-game texts like books or letters, or dialogue sequences talking to NPCs without any audio. Even though it is the most literal “novel”-like delivery where the player must read to get story bits, they’re also usually optional and can be skipped rather quickly.

I’m only counting the times VN-style scenes are used in the main story quests of each patch and not any side quests, companion quests, events, or Simulated Universe.

THE TL;DR AND OVERALL CONCLUSION:

Penacony 2.1 and 2.2 has significantly more VN sequences, overwhelmingly so. I have provided a chart below depicting the number of seconds spent in VN sequences over the course of the patches. Penacony 2.2 alone has 4271 seconds (1hr 11min 11sec) of VN screentime, which eclipses that of all previous patches combined. Penacony 2.0+2.1+2.2 features 6237 seconds of VN screentime (1hr 43mins 57sec), which is 3.92x that of 1.X's VN scene usage (1590 seconds). Penacony also has more individual instances of VN segments, totaling to 27 scenes in 2.0-2.2, which is more instances than all of 1.X (18 scenes in 1.0-1.6).
https://preview.redd.it/2br8oonc830d1.png?width=1752&format=png&auto=webp&s=597d9ae079e6cecb37dfc522d8683bd9a4928a54
However, Penacony is also a much longer story, naturally leading to more dialogue and cutscene time than in previous patches. There aren't many ways to correct for this exactly to see proportionally how long is spent in VNs, nor easily done as it would involve parsing every instance of voiced dialogue or cutscene-equivalent in the main story. If we were to take some rough numbers though, Penacony Acts 2 and 3 are roughly 10 hours long in total playtime if just doing the story, with ~1 hour 43 minutes spent in VN sequences. This equates to roughly ~17% of the runtime being visual novel narration in the past 2 patches, which is fairly significant. By comparison, all of 1.0 content (Herta Station, Belobog, Luofu Act 1) would take roughly ~15 hours to complete if ignoring side content and SU and events, with only ~17 minutes of VN time, leading to only ~1.8% of the time spent in VN sequences.
In conclusion, Penacony definitely exhibits more visual novel style than the previous patches based on the amount of time spent in visual novel-styled sequences. Moreover, the VN style variety in Penacony is more limited than in previous patches, featuring largely still shots with some particle animations and no animations in the scene actors (see my breakdown below). This leads to Penacony’s VN style feeling more static than in previous patches, with a heavier emphasis on the narration rather than the visual presentation in these types of scenes.

The Breakdown

Ok so now for the breakdown. For all this “research,” I’ve used the HSR playthrough videos by the youtube channel Rubhen925, which have cutscenes on autoplay and thus pretty good consistency in cutscene timing behavior. I have also included linked time stamps for the start of these VN sequences in the respective playthrough videos in case people want to take a closer look. I’ve also included a brief note about each VN, as there is some variation in the artstyle of these pre-drawn VN sequences.
I’ll put a disclaimer here and say that I may have missed one or two sequences, as I sifted through the footage watching the videos at 2x speed and skipping through sequences of combat or active gameplay, so there is a margin of error here. With that being said, here is the detailed breakdown, with the total time count in each header:
1.0 Herta Space Station Main Arc – 0 minutes

• None

1.0 Belobog Main Arc – 12 minutes, 48 seconds

• Gepard recounts the founding of Belobog city (multiple pics) – 40 seconds 6:53-7:33
• Cocolia under the influence of the Stellaron (multiple pics) – 62 seconds 1:10:21-1:11:23
• Cocolia argues with the Stellaron (very animated with multiple angles) – 67 seconds 1:02:28-1:03:35
• Svarog’s databanks about a previous Supreme Guardian’s Stellaron research (*background animated, multiple sequences) – 292 seconds 31:49-36:41
• Natasha takes the orphans to the overworld (single still shot) – 77 seconds 1:25:53-1:27:10
• Bronya’s inaugural speech as Supreme Guardian of Belobog (multiple pics) – 176 seconds 1:29:47-1:32:43
• Seele and Bronya argue as the Express leaves (*very animated, almost a cutscene) – 54 seconds 1:47:27-1:48:21

1.0-1.3 Xianzhou Luofu Main Arc – 4 minutes, 15 seconds

• Kafka talks about the script and our future encounter with Nanook (single pic) – 65 seconds 1:17:17-1:18:22
• Luocha heals Xueyi (single pic, some particles) – 26 seconds 1:28:49-1:29:15
• Fu Xuan recounts the events on the Luofu (game render screenshots with filter, also these are optional scenes for recap) – 164 seconds 4:32-7:16

1.4 Topaz Belobog Arc – 4 minutes, 46 seconds

• Bronya recounts her conversation with Topaz about Belobog’s debt (single shot, old film stylizing) – 51 seconds 23:16-24:05
• Topaz’s message to Bronya about her motivations (Numby animated) – 235 seconds 1:02:26-1:06:21

1.5 Huohuo and spooky Luofu arc – 2 minutes, 13 seconds

• Cirrus recounts the feud between the General of the Luofu and Ignamar (single still shot, some action particles) – 97 seconds 48:12-49:49
• Smol Huohuo (*adorable*) – 36 seconds 50:16-50:52
• A general note about the Huohuo arc is that there is a large amount of in-game text that needs to be read for clues to solve puzzles, but this is less visual novel delivery and more just a gameplay mechanism

1.6 Ruan Mei and Dr. Ratio Herta Space Station arcs – 2 minutes, 28 seconds

• Ruan Mei’s log about the bug (single shot) – 91 seconds 50:37-52:08
• Ruan Mei talks about the cake cats (single shot) – 57 seconds 1:05:41-1:06:38
• Note for this patch specifically – most of Ruan Mei’s logs are rendered cutscenes of her doing stuff with a filter over them, so I didn’t count these. There’s also the TV broadcast segments in the Dr. Ratio arc that don’t quite fit a VN description either as they are more akin to full-on animations and presented as recordings in the game world

2.0 Penacony Act 1 – 2 minutes, 12 seconds

• Silver Wolf relaying Sam’s message to the express (some animations with Silver Wolf’s signature styling) – 107 seconds 4:16:06-4:17:53
• Mourning Firefly getting unalived (single still shot) – 25 seconds 4:42:22-4:42:47
• Firefly’s photo doesn’t count

2.1 Penacony Act 2 – 30 minutes, 34 seconds

• RIP Duke Inferno (single still shot, animated fire) – 325 seconds 15:00-20:25
• Kakavasha part 1 (single still shot) – 283 seconds 52:20-57:03
• Kakavasha part 2 (single still shot, animated sky) – 245 seconds 2:09:14-2:13:19
• Kakavasha part 3 (single still shot) – 209 seconds 3:09:52-3:13:21
• Kakavasha part 4 ft. Jade (still single shot, but continues into a black screen while Aventurine has a monologue) – 366 seconds 4:01:35-4:07:37
• Aventurine recounts the cornerstone plot and tricking Sunday (multiple pics) – 90 seconds 4:20:55-4:22:25
• Kakavasha part 5 (multiple shots, animated rain) – 183 seconds 4:56:38-4:59:41
• Acheron speaking to an unknown man – 133 seconds 5:24:44-5:26:57
• Note for this patch – there are radio sequences from the IPC’s news broadcast, I don’t count these as VN sequences since they’re accompanied by black screens with no images and primarily intended to deliver audio playback as simply audio playback.

2.2 Penacony Act 3 – 1 hour, 11 minutes, 11 seconds

• Firefly recounts the events from her perspective (multiple game render screenshots with filter) – 160 seconds 31:04-33:44
• Firefly and Blade in the car part 1 (single still shot) – 228 seconds 35:13-39:01
• Baby bird (single still shot) – 347 seconds 1:18:27-1:24:14
• Acheron and the hooded figure part 1 (single shot, animated rain) – 385 seconds 2:20:44-2:27:09
• Sunday goes to church (single still shot) – 449 seconds 2:27:15-2:34:39
• Sunday’s quiz (interactive sequence of shots, the playthrough has all VN sequences conveniently back to back) – 340 seconds 4:12:29-4:27:09
• Mikhail’s story (sequence of shots) – 528 seconds 5:03:20-5:12:08
• Firefly and Blade in the car part 2 (single still shot) – 162 seconds 5:24:18-5:27:00
• Acheron and the hooded figure part 2 – 362 seconds 5:29:00-5:35:02
• Black Swan recounts the events and reveals the truth (sequence of still shots, interactive, video only includes the correct option dialogue) – 543 seconds 7:22:37-7:31:40
• Baby bird, Robin’s perspective (single shot) – 50 seconds 7:41:10-7:42:00
• Acheron and the hooded figure part 3 (multiple shots with some animation) – 379 seconds 7:53:17-7:59:36
• Acheron and the hooded figure part 4 (single still shot, animated rain/smoke) – 158 seconds 8:06:04-8:08:42
• Concluding monologue, Robin/Sunday flashback (single still shot) – 180 seconds 8:31:52-8:35:52
• Of note, this particular act has a lot of dialogue that occurs on black screens leading into VN segments, so I have lumped them in the timings since the entire scenes together can be interpreted as a “VN-styled” sequence

Afterword

I spent way too much time on this but it was also entertaining rewatching old story :)
Edit: idk why it shows a youtube embed, reddit is weird :/

Hi guys. Looking for some male perspective on this:
My boyfriend (35M) and I (30F NDX, but strongly suspicious of inattentive ADHD) have been together for a year and for the most part, it's been wonderful. I consider this my first real relationship and my healthiest. We currently have plans to move in together and eventually marriage and maybe kids. He's extremely caring, thoughtful, and verbally and physically affectionate; an overall goofball and very passionate. This passion is great as I am more stoic and tend to internalize a lot and I've had serious issues with acute clinical depression in the past. I truly like being around him for the color he adds to my life that I sometimes can't see on my own. However, this excess of energy bleeds over into negative areas as well and we don't process conflict the same way...at all.
He will "rant" and continuously work himself up over things that frankly feel like a complete waste of energy to me. In general, it feels like he's happy to finally have a captive audience at whom he can spew a monologue of increasingly intense "gems" of thought. You can probably tell I'm getting a bit resentful...
When he does this I can feel myself automatically dissociate and pull inside myself to get away. My throat closes, my chest tightens, and in a case where he came WAY too close to hitting someone in a crosswalk with the car bc he was so worked up and not paying attention, I legit felt like I was going to be sick. When we started dating I told him I didn't like the ranting and that it felt like he was taking an opportunity to stroke his own ego while self-soothing instead of connecting to me in a real conversation. He said he got it, but months later it's still happening (I know he's trying to temper it) and recently has led me to be more bitchy and at one point I told him "shut the FUCK up I'm NOT doing this right now" and hung up the phone because I hate when he hijacks phone calls to do this and i was about to get in the shower (which he knew); it was legit the only way to make him stop. He called me later very apologetic.
My issue is that he's never ranting about me, but he directs his arguments at me as if I'm the person or thing he has an issue with and he's not satisfied until he feels he's "made me understand." I've pushed back and tried to point out to him that it's fine if he has big feelings about things, but I'm not his substitute punching bag, and that he speaks as if he doesn't trust that he will be able to impart every single one of his "amazing" thoughts on the issue so it comes out as a torrential monologue instead of a conversation. He says that he gets it to a degree and he will try to tone it down but that it's cultural and has alluded to me being too sensitive at one point saying "Ranting is normal...try and date another guy he'll be the same" He believes this is how he expresses himself and manages stress and anger....but to me, it just seems like it makes it worse. And if I'm being totally honest.....chronic complaining about things you don't have control over or are not actively making moves to fix is petulant and insecure and it's affecting my attraction to him.
For some context: he was born in a European country during a time of conflict and his family fled to the US when he was 8; his culture is very generous, loud, argumentative, and tends towards complaining for complaining's sake as a way to bond although I’ve had people from the area tell me what he does isn’t necessarily a normal level). I grew up in a tight-lipped upper-middle-class family with a lot of coldness, individualism, and passive aggressiveness. My dad also had a habit of verbally bullying everyone in the family (especially my mom) with monologues (the irony..) but he was more methodical and cold when he did it...you always left his office feeling like the stupidest person on the planet. As we've all aged my mom, brother (DX ADHD), and I strongly suspect my dad also has ADHD as he has MASSIVE problems with RSD and appropriate/proportional emotional responses and is a chronic cheater and liar...my childhood watching my parents was....not good to say the least and I honestly don't have much if any love for my dad now. I also have an autoimmune disease that is severely exacerbated by stress and have made a lot of efforts to increase my flexibility towards situations to decrease my overall stress. I tend to see things from many angles where my bf tends to dig in on one POV obsessively.
We've reached a point where he's said he'll just stop talking to me about certain things and talk to his best friend and r*nt online in subreddits instead. I said that didn't feel like a solution and that I would try to work on my resilience so we could still talk about things that upset him but that he needed to bring the overall tone down substantially.
I'll be honest I'm tired of managing my own anxiety about what might set him off and tired of being a personal punching bag. I love him a LOT but I'm not sure what he'll be like if we were to have kids and things will get infinitely more stressful. And there's NO way the solution is for me to break his self-imposed rage trance by screaming at him to STFU in front of children........
Help...Do I need to toughen up? How the heck do I feel ok with potentially managing this issue for the rest of my life? Is there some other angle here I'm not considering? And no he won't do therapy...the Eastern European in him would never
—
Thanks for all the support/responses guys. I def do not have plans to break up with him. This is one (big) issue but it doesn’t eclipse all the amazing qualities he has and parts of our dynamic that I really love - I’m just not here to make a post about those. I really feel like this is something he will be motivated to work on with me as long as I stand firm in my boundaries. He was single for 5 years before we met and tied up in a shitty situationship with someone who constantly belittled and invalidated him, so between the lack of practice having someone so close all the time and the damage his ex did I really feel like this is hopefully more of a learning curve situation. And I do understand that this is an automatic habit/reaction for him and those are hard to break and I’m the first to really push back on him for it. If it continues to be an issue I’ll def be requesting we do couples therapy.
However, I’m not one to deal with negative/toxic/incompatible situations for long (quite avoidant normally thanks to my parents dynamic) so I am confident if we reach a critical mass point I will act accordingly.

Hi friends 🦉 over this past weekend I sent it solo to Rendevous to experience Tipper and the spirit of Suwannee for the first time in my life. I wrote this journal entry under some Spanish moss yesterday on my way back from Florida to MN with what i experienced this past weekend. I shared it to a few of my close friends and they really thought I should share it to all of you!!! I feel like it’s my purpose now to share this enlightenment with others to see if anyone else can resonate with these words and experiences.
The Spirit of Suwannee 🌀
Throughout the weekend I knew I came for a specific spiritual reason. I was not sure why I was coming but I knew I had to do this for myself with the strong spiritual pull I felt. Doubts clouded my mind whenever I thought of going to this festival and anxiety was strong. A negative force came on me the night before the festival and I broke out in a fever and was not in the mood for this. Yet, I stuck with it and trusted the mission.
As I arrived at the festival grounds, Spanish moss filled trees and birds chirped with glee that covered the entire area which radiated such an innate beautiful energy. Things felt like they were slowly coming in place and my headaches and fever subsided. The suwannee woods welcomed me.
The real magic happened night 2 of the festival during resonant language. A feeling came through that music set to me which was a familiar feeling, a mysterious feeling, and a strong force of energy. As the set went on, I leaned closer and closer to this energy until I almost fell over. All of my chakras were aligning and as my eyes were closed, a distant question mark came into vision that as soon as it drifted in, it vanished. But it didn’t leave without telling me something. What this question mark told me was that you’re where you’re supposed to be colter. At that moment I felt like my old version of myself cracked. I felt broke open to this new life. This new energy was so powerful and life giving I was left speechless. Everything I once knew about the world melted away as this new force came into site. A force I have felt lead me before, but I wasn’t sure what it was. A force I have felt before at a festival, but still unsure of what it was. During this resonant language set, Liam, a friend of Adi and Bella started sharing wisdom with me. He told me with the million dollar sound system they put together, the most beautiful sound system is our ears and the ability to piece together music in our head. How we let these notes come through our ears and into our brain neurons to reshape what we once knew. I was in awe. After resonant language, I was left with a million questions. Yet, someone told me that night as he looked into my eyes, don’t try to make sense of something that doesn’t make sense. Peace filled my veins as I laid in my hammock seeing question marks everywhere in the trees and everywhere in my thoughts. Something beautiful was going to come, and I felt it. Something strong and magnificent. A power that has been following me for a while, yet hasn’t showed its face fully to me yet.
As the last day came, I felt ready. The day was a slow build up. With our new friends we made, we had a beautiful spot stationed at the main stage so I could come and go as I pleased. This was perfect. I started listening to this force a bit closer, and walked when I felt like I should, and sat when I felt like I should sit. Every time I followed these instincts of what this mysterious force was telling me, I was reworded with a fascinating and life giving conversation. An energetic conversation that would fill my cup back up. They would pour love into me right as I needed it. I soon was fascinated by this idea of wondering so I continued following this force around and met so many lovely & mysterious people. They almost seemed like they knew what I was up to, but I couldn’t put a pin on it. All I knew is I needed to follow this force of energetic mystery because it’ll continue to feed my soul and open me up to a beautiful life giving cleanse. People kept sharing little nuggets of wisdom with me as well that I continued meeting. Nuggets of wisdom that touched on what this force might be. And this was without me even bringing it up. But as I continued walking around, I was rewarded with these small insights. All of these insights almost gave me more question marks to see though. My mind was bewildered as I continued this walk in the woods following this bliss energy.
Tipper began. As the set started I was with addi, Bella and the crew. The energy felt off for me. I knew I had to leave but a part of me was making it difficult to do so. I had to fight my human nature and follow this force again. So I left. With my cracked velvet robe and nothing but bare feet I wondered back up to this rad group of guys that welcomed me with open arms. They ranted and raved about my bucket hats and poured compliments into my soul. This energy they had was like non other. It was the most energetic energy I have ever felt in my life. This man named Sean began pouring wisdom into my soul. He locked in and without me asking, he answered all of my questions I had about this force. He began discussing that what is happening right now is this energy force that is created through the frequencies of this music. A force that follows these notes around. He said that tipper has this formula to writing music that doesn’t make sense to the brain neurons as we listen, so it scrambles the brain in a way that lets us be completely present. An energy that clears all else. He continued saying that his festival group has been following this energy for years now. That they love to go to each solar eclipse festivals that happen because the energy grid and matrix is extremely powerful during those times. That this collective group follows this force around letting it feed their soul into this new way of living. He continued telling me these wisdoms as I sat there with my mouth open and eyes wide open in awe. I was bewildered. This thought I had and this feeling Iv felt briefly through life is REAL. And here I am as this man accepts me into their group and pours this wisdom onto me without even asking. He noticed I was a solo traveler too. And that’s why he welcomed me in. He calls the solo travelers butterfly’s. That they stick out to others and is very apparent they are solo. These butterfly’s roam around until they find what they are looking for. And as he said this I realized that’s exactly what I have been doing until I met this group of guys. I was searching for something but I wasn’t sure what I was searching for. Yet here I found myself with this group of men that were in the energy grid. As we continued talking, tippers music put everyone in Suwannee in a deep trance. No one was on earth anymore, yet we all found ourselves within this energetic pull. It was like entering heaven yet still with earthly humans. As the show continued, we walked into the crowd. We were all a little daved and confused as we started walking. It felt like the force was with us, but if we weren’t careful it could dissipate in an instance. As we went into the crowd tho it got a bit tougher. That energy left slowly and people around were all so confused and lost in this trance of energy. Almost a bit too much. I followed my instincts and left the legendary group to find my other group again. I soon found them and ended off the tipper set with them. I actually felt like I walked into a new dimension during tipper. A dimension I have never fully experienced, yet, was fully immersed in it for the first time. Questions were answered and energy was created.
I realized that during this entire festival I gathered bits and pieces of knowledge through these humans I met while following this force until the very end when Sean gave me the full kabam. There’s this energy that people are catching onto at festivals and knowledge that gets passed around only word by mouth. It’s this secret code of life it feels like. A new way to live, and so damn mysterious. But these people actually had beautiful theories to what it is and how it makes sense. From this day forward, I treat music differently. I like softer more quiet music. Earplugs are a must. Conversation can be more casual and soft. When I talk like this I could feel that energy again. No need to be loud, just be respectful and a peaceful human. Be content while silent, and be silly and filled with knowledge when you speak. Learn from others as much as you can, then one day you can share to others as well. Love all humans the same, and maybe someday you can get to show them this force by just a simple interaction. It’s a new way to live, and a powerful path to lead. Is this God? I’m not sure. I want to say so, but it seems so supernatural and outerworldly. Almost extraterrestrial in a way, but a beautiful and blissful force when treated right. But you need to have your mind in the right space to find this energy. A new way of life, and a new Colter. Happy Rendevous. Happy tipper.
GET TIPPED

Hello! I don't really know how this reddit works, but I wanted to talk about this new order of watching the movies that has been going around tiktok recently and how it works (and why) and how it could be improved! (If it's not ok, I'm sorry do tell me)
SO, cotext for those that haven't seem the videos. Somebody posted how the movies could be seen in a different order and still work: New Moon -> Breaking Dawn 1 -> Twilight -> Eclipse -> BD 2
Oh, and... spoilers ahead? Do I need to say this? Haha
Ok, how this order? Well, New Moon doesn't actually need how they met to work + it ends with Edward asking her to marry him. Hence, her marrying right after, with BD1 would work weirdly smoothly. After, it would be like she was having flashbacks after giving birth in the end of BD1, leading to Twilight, over how they met and how all this started. Eclipse comes soon after to end the plot about Victoria, still on the "flashbacks". And finally: bella is a vampire, we continue with BD2.
Ok, now... I'm at Twilight in this order right now and I have some opinions and I don't think they'll change till the end. The good and the bad. Let's start with the good, it will make more sense I promise.
This order... Surprisingly holds up. I was VERY impressed with how much I enjoyed watching like that. Specially New Moon. It becomes a whole new movie if you don't have the context from Twilight. The best part to me: there being "no context", it's like the movie is not being "dumbed down" for the audience like recent movies are being. Not to say Twilight saga is, but with a lot of things only being hinted at and not expressly said until it becomes obvious, it's like the scripts trusts the audience to catch clues. And that is really a breath of fresh air to me right now.
New Moon is also largely improoved by the lack of a clear main interest on Bella's part when watching like that. She starts the movie with Edward... But we don't know how much they really like each other. It is VERY believable when he says he doesn't so that he can leave her. And the way the movie plays out... you really start believing midway that she is going to end up with Jacob. Specially cuz Jake is a sweetheart in the beginning. And yet, it is also believable she wouldn't stay with him in the end. Sure, vamps and wolves hate each other, Jake wanting Edward to die is in character... But if he loved her, he should've known even if she didn't really love Edward anymore, she wouldn't want him to die. He was very insensitive in the end of New Moon, it was believable for me she wouldn't go for him after that....
And the Volturi Part?? Chefs kiss It becomes even better in this structure! We get to meet the big bad on the first movie!! (Michael Sheen's performance is so good!!! Omg, I had forgotten). And since we believed Edward wanted to leave bella in the start, this part becomes more emotive too, we feel with bella how much she is surprised, relieved and back in love, but still frightened.
Oh, and the best part for me? In this movie structure... The protag would follow this path: starts with a boyfriend that is bad for her (or kinda bad? with problems? anyway) -> ugly breakup -> meats a better person -> is healing -> ex may mess things up a little -> ends with the better boy that helped her heal. Did you notice though? This movie would be different than usual: it shows the better boy not being so much better after all and she ending up with the one that actually just left to protect her. This is not the norm. Once again: becomes a breath off fresh air in such a weird sense I did not expect.
Ok. On to breaking dawn part 1 and the start with the bad.... I finally understood my real problem with this movie. You see, the saga was on a crescent. NM was even better than Tw, and Ec rose the bar even further... But BD1 was the kind of movie that would be the middle of a trilogy... right after two movies being one better than the other. So it kinda kills the mood.
In this order though? It kinda feels right. As it would be the second movie, and it fits right after NM very well, BD1 is not that great a movie, but serves it's purpose. The only thing that feels a little lacking is the explanation on imprinting... but I didn't feel like it was lacking too much and it gets a better explanation as soon as Renascense is born. In sum. It still is a bit of a boring movie and it still bugs me a bit the scenes where they should be tapking as wolves... but the problems become much more bearable once it becomes sort of a "middle of the trilogy" kind of movie.
And that. That is the big problem with this order. Everything is lining up quite well up until now. NM and BD1 weirdly actually seem like the sequence to one another.... But not BD1 to Twilight. BD1 ends on a very clear note: the transformation of bella into a vampire. It ends as she opens her eyes... Making a "flashback" movie becomes complicated for two reasons: It cuts the plot we were becoming so engrossed on... and it does so for TWO whole movies. If it was only Twilight, one could bear... But you'd still have to go through eclipse before continuing the plot of BD2. Besides, as stated above, the movie ends with her opening her eyes. Kinda weird to suggest the flashback right after that, since NM and BD1 actually fit perfectly.
So..... What how to fix that? I'd say we need this: NM > BD1 > BD2 Or, in movie numbers, we'd have 2 > 4 > 5
What about Twilight and Eclipse? Well, we have two options...

1. You watch them like they were "extras". If it came out originally like this, think of this as they making a spinoff to tell how they firt met and the Victoria character everybody was so engrossed about after seing her in New Moon (killing Harry Clearwater). In this sense, the complete order would be: NM > BD1> BD2 / Tw > Ec
2. Shortened Volturi trilogy.... Though I love Eclipse, I have to say that these 3 movies work weirdly well as a whole trilogy. So if anybody wanted to make a "shortened resume" of the Twilight saga, I'd say go ahead and have watch only these 3 in this order. It would basically encompass the volturi plot, and everything else is thrown out the window. Sure, the Volturi appear in Eclipse, but very shortly. And, if we go by the spinoff idea above, you could say that is a cameo.

Anyway.... I loved the original idea. It's been so long since I've enjoyed watching Twilight this much, so I just wanted to get this off my chest. I hope this can make somebody's day too. I'd love to hear other people's opinion if you try any of this.
EDIT!!
Hi, I finished them all yesterday and I'm back with the last imput I think would be interesting (this one is heavily analytical, though, be warned haha). Also: thanks for all the attention, I wrote all of this thinking nobody would read, really, so I'm very glad to see "inspire" some people.
On to the last input: why do I think this weirdly works. So, when I was watching Twiligh and Eclipse it suddenly hit me that the twilight movie saga is a little bit of a patchwork. The directors change a lot so the tone of each movie kinda goes up and down in many directions. Besides, there are really two underlying plots in the saga: the volturi plot and the James/Victoria plot (besides the major Bella plot that we follow in the original order). Funny enough, NM and BD have similar tones in the movies, while Tw and Ec differ quite a bit and, though not as similar to each other than NM and BD, they do work well together. So, with the coincidence that the hook in NM matches so well with BD, and Tw actually also having a hook that can link with Ec... When u see it in this order, it still makes sense and, with the tones now matching (and all I said before), it turns into a pretty goog and innovative experience.
Now, though I dissagree that the lost informations from Tw matters while watching NM, it does matter in Eclipse. Both Tw and NM can be standalone movies (NM can too because Tw just says how they met, and that is not strickly necessary to understand here... but this is hard to explain, the structure of this movie is just perfect for this), but all movies consequent heavily need information from before to work. But Eclipse is what determines the order that NM and BD needs to be "the main trilogy": Eclipse depends on information from both Tw and NM, while BD can easily be seen after NM and only depend on it.... I hope I'm not being more confusing than helpful, but that is basically it.
In sum: I'm as suprised as the next person that it works, but it makes sense. It's been so long since I've been this engrossed in these vampires and I hope that everybody that decides to try this out can have some fun too :D

Ep 27: Marry Your Trees
Recap Masterlist
Your girl's back for more vain hope of enjoyable McElnoise. Hope you all had a good Thanksgiving Christmas New Year's Eve Valentine's Day Easter eclipse May 3rd!
Yeah, so, uh... it's been a minute. I got distracted by a lot of excellent media, by my own writing endeavors, by my work schedule, by vacations, by the many slings and arrows of life, etc. And I just couldn't muster up the energy most days to even think about finishing Petals. But I really miss doing these, and I miss reading people's responses to 'em, so here I am again to blow this joint and move on to a certain kingdom of crystals, where hopefully my attention won't be led further astray.
You Boys Have One More Shot To Make This Arc Worthwhile

• Recap covers Garyl "dying", the one funny joke in the episode (Maarvey's corpse sliding off the wagon), Justin embiggening the motorcycle, and Merle hitting the button. Griffin's a coward for not including the bit where he had Hurley take out multiple enemies at once and then mocked the idea of rolling for it.
• Marzak
• Immediately after the button's been hit, the ram horns on the front of the wagon fold out and the tailpipes rattle, and the whole thing turns into a rocket-propelled arrow. And I must admit to some confusion right away, because we've established since Chapter Six that the big button is supposed to fire a giant harpoon, and that was what was going to catch them up to Sloan. A massive power boost has never been mentioned before. I've gone back over all my relevant recaps for this arc and I can't see a thing about it. Either this is a massive long-term mistake on my part, or we're in retcon town from the jump; we'll see whether the harpoon gets used later and decide. I will quietly sit here and go stir-crazy over it as we wait.
• Regardless, Hurley's wagon catches up to Sloan's winged hovercraft thing, as does Taako's motorcycle. Just in time, too, as the finish line -- and cliff -- are finally in sight! I'm counting my blessings Griff can't toss anything else in here to prolong it, barring Sloan earthbending more cliff into existence. Hurley and Sloan are both laughing maniacally as they grind up against each other (make your own jokes), both too caught up in the fun of the race at this point.
• Travis asks if anyone remembers why they even need to beat Sloan in the first place. This is a great question to hear from one of your players ten hours into your professionally recorded story arc. We're reminded that according to Hurley, beating Sloan in the race will cause her to immediately give up the Gaia Sash after realizing she's not all-powerful, which I would say still seems a little flimsy based on what little we've seen of Sloan's personality, but... feh. It's the least of Petals' problems.
• Unfortunately for them, Sloan's starting to pull ahead again! After we establish that it's still in jumping distance, Taako opts to stow his wand, throw the emergency brake on his giant bike, and pull out... the Wand of Switcheroo. Remember that? It's the wand he got from Fantasy Costco way back in the first shopping segment -- in Episode 9 -- that causes the target to switch places with him. Griffin is delighted that he remembered at all, and since he fucks up Sloan's Constitution saving throw (the first time he's actually had to roll for something Sloan does, natch), it works. Justin takes Sloan's place in the hover-canoe thing, while Sloan gets sent to the halting motorbike and falls rapidly behind.
• You know what? Big props to Griffin for allowing this deviation from a planned solution, even as he seems surprised and confused about how to proceed with the showdown. Let's just hope he doesn't give me reason to rescind the props.
• Griffin: "And that was enough. You, on this sleek battlewagon, are fired through the air like an arrow, through-" Travis: "I jump onto the canoe. I wanna win too." Oh, we know.
• Taako casts Gust of Wind to keep Magnus away, which turns this bit into a wonderful little playground argument as Travis, Justin, and even Clint start suggesting ridiculous back-and-forth blows to win the race. I'm not going to transcribe the whole thing because it's rather long, but it's so refreshing to actually perk up and laugh a little at something in this stretch of episodes.
• And with that... Taako crosses the finish line! Race is over! The great weights lift from my spirit! I know once again what it is to live and love!
• Wuh oh. He is still hurtling toward the cliff at top speed! Griffin explains that he can't find the brake in this battlewagon, and- oh, never mind. He was just doing a bit. Taako's good. Might have been room for some hijinks with a quick escape scene, but I'll let it ride just to get the fuck away from these vehicles.
• Time for what I think might be the first of Griffin's much-ballyhooed self-composed soundtrack! There's a whimsical, Zelda town-esque horn theme playing through Taako's victory celebration. Sounds pretty good.
• Hi it's me, Terthelt, ten seconds later. It is distractingly Zelda-y. I'll try to keep paying attention.
• Our heroes are so absorbed in congratulating Taako (and in Magnus' case, himself) for the win that they almost miss Sloan riding up on the bike, looking deathly ill at her loss. She clutches her chest as giant bolts of lightning erupt from her back, striking the ground and sprouting more of those damn vines as she goes. She drives straight off the cliff -- prompting Griffin to give Hurley an ear-piercing "SLOAN, NO!" -- but a giant gust of wind blows everyone back as they rush to check...
• And Sloan manifests a gigantic tornado a few feet from the cliff's edge, surrounded by thousands of ravens. It's almost like this plan to defeat her made no sense, y'all!
• Travis/Magnus: "I turn to Hurley, uh, s- let me do my voice, ahehehem: 'So uuuh, how's the whole beating her and she'll give us the sash thing going?" MY HERO.
• A despondent Hurley takes off her mask, to the collective gasps of the audience. Magnus follows and takes off his own mask, proudly announcing himself to far fewer gasps. Trav's on a roll this episode, it's been so long since my last listen that I almost forgot how much fun he can be when he plays along.
• Clint: "And I take my mask off and say, 'And I'm Bruce Wayne!'" Griffin: "O-okay. You all hear, uh, 'oh, okay, Mr. Wayne. Cool." Taako: "I'm actually a mongoose. Meow!"
• Hurley straps back into her car, seemingly intent on driving into the tornado to save Sloan, but Magnus hops on and preempts her heroic sacrifice, followed shortly by Taako ("No adventure would be complete without Weasel Man!"). Everyone shares a somber laugh, and then collectively stare awkwardly at Merle until he agrees to get in too.
• We quickly see the wagon's damage repaired, even as the mile-wide tornado is presumably bearing down on everyone, but then it's time for the showdown. At which point Griffin forgets the word "rev" and laboriously tries to describe how Hurley is holding the gas and the brake at the same time to make the cool noises like in the movies. Someone get our baby boy to a home, the fog is already taking him.
• The brake is released, and the car flies forward, straight off the cliff and into the massive birb vortex. Inside waits an enormous pillar of tangled vines, at the top of which waits a partially encased Sloan, fully overtaken by the Gaia Sash. Clint cuts through the drama to make a very lame Wizard of Oz reference, and is then bullied not for the lameness of it, but for daring to reference something so OLD and OBSCURE as THE WIZARD OF OZ.
• Dare I hope for a decent final boss battle here? There hasn't been a really entertaining bit of combat in Balance since Rockport, and even that was arguable compared to the heights of Gerblins. I'd like to remain optimistic, but given the vague bit I know about how this arc is going to wrap up, that's easier said than done.
• Hurley is now screaming in obvious delight at being sucked into a tornado, which feels a bit tone-deaf when she's staring down her horribly brainwashed (ostensible) lover. The four gab a bit about what to do, since she just drove off the cliff with no plan, before settling on using the harpoon to get in close. So I guess I was just wrong about where the harpoon was and what it was for. Nuts.
• Taako makes a ranged attack roll of 18 to blast the harpoon out, and it strikes true and digs in near the top of the vines without impaling the stricken lesbian. After a bit of reeling in, the wagon crashes down just under the platform, and everyone clambers up to confront Sloan. Griffin compares her current state to Gundren Rockseeker after he donned the fire gauntlet, and I'm just... struck, for a moment, at how long it's been since I listened to those episodes. Everything felt so much simpler then. In the podcast, and in my life... And if I'd stuck to my original schedule, I'd have finished all of Balance up long before now...

Terthelt Takes A Break To Eat A Mint Brownie At 11 PM On A Work Night

• Everyone's stuck for ideas, so Magnus asks Hurley what they should do, since she actually knows Sloan. Hurley sadly remarks that she might never have really known her, which is an odd thing to say about someone clearly brainwashed and out of her mind, but alright.
• Clint, beaming: "I cast ZONE OF TRUTH!"
• The madman actually does it. Faced with the ambient truth telling field, Magnus rolls a 12 (failure), Hurley a 17 (success, though I'd sooner shove Griffin in a Zone of Truth myself just to make sure), Taako an undisclosed failed number, and Sloan a 14 (failure). Merle immediately asks Sloan how they can defeat/save her, to which whatever's possessing Sloan (via Griffin's rumbling monster voice filter) yammers out a generic villain monologue about its power being absolute. Magnus: "What about the power of love?" Merle: "What about Jesus?" Taako: "What ABOUT Jesus? Where is that guy?' Magnus: "We haven't seen him in a dog day!" Merle: "We could really use some help right now!"
• Griffin suddenly cuts into the bit to ask the trio to make -- take a shot now -- Dexterity saving throws. Trav rolls 15, Justin 10, and Clint a pitiful 8. On cue, Sloan lashes out a vicious vine and knocks everyone down for 9 HP each -- a blow which Hurley obviously avoids gracefully, without a roll.
• At last, we're rolling initiative! Like this is some kind of D&D game or some shit.
• Taako's up first, but not before Sloan pulls back her vine and sprouts up a giant vine body to do battle. They banter for a bit about why they're standing on vines and how many boss fights in video games take place on floating vine arenas (I guess?); when his head's back in the game, Taako talks with Hurley and confirms that the gang didn't get the chance to rest after the race, so their options are mostly depleted. He casts a basic fireball on the plant colossus, destroying its head and setting it ablaze for a whopping 66 fire damage (33 doubled, since plants are unique among all other life for their hatred of being on fire). And that... might have been his last spell! Oh dear.
• Up next, Merle casts Prayer of Healing to heal the whole party. Nothing fancy, just a smart move he rolls well for.
• Magnus waffles for a minute on what he should do, but ends up making an attempt to pull the malevolent flora open and save Sloan manually. Griffin asks for a Sleight of Hand check just to get a handhold on the vines, and ever the tactical genius roller, Trav gets a 17 the moment Griffin says he needs to beat 15. He follows it up with a 26 (19+7) for Strength, even! AND that counts as a crit for him! I'm at the edge of my seat here, folks. He succeeds in ripping the vines apart and exposing Sloan, and then opts to roll a 23 (16+7) to punch her lights out. After all of that, all he succeeds in doing is making her bleed and laugh.
• The booming voice filter on Sloan is really taking me out of it. Not that I was super in to begin with, but it is mildly irritating whenever Griffin sees the need to do a grand evil cackle.
• Now it's Sloan's turn, and the vines immediately slam shut around Magnus, trapping him in the cavity with Sloan. Engulfed in pitch darkness, our stalwart hero manages to parry the next nebulously-described attack, but still takes 26 points of damage. Outside, the colossus regrows its head and summons a rain cloud to put the fire out, before taking a big spiky swing at Merle and Taako for 18 damage each. Justin says "hachi machi" for the second time this episode. You know, I've always seen people quote that when Justin's knee deep in drama, but I guess I happened to never listen to any MBMBAMs where he does it. This is an astoundingly pointless observation because I can't think of anything more interesting to say about the plant monster, and Clint already beat me to an Audrey II joke.
• Hurley's turn! What shenanigans will the DMPC grace us with this time? She hops right off the edge of the arena (to audible confusion), but floats back up holding the battlewagon's arcane core, and -- with another signature annoying Hurley one-liner ("Ready to do some pruning?") -- smashes it on the ground in front of Taako. From it emerge a swarm of glowing blue flecks, which Taako's staff turns inside out to swallow up, filling him with a surge of never-before-seen power; practically, this just means his spell slots are all filled up again. Sure, alright. It sounds like something that breaks some rule or another, but it gets Taako back in the game, and I'm just grateful she didn't do a flying meteor dropkick into a reverse German suplex for 800 unrolled damage and a free ice cream.
• On cue, Taako's turn. Justin jokes about casting Zone of Truth on himself to guarantee his cries of victory will come true, but decides to just throw out another fireball. He gets a good roll total at 32 (multiplied into 64 damage), only for Griffin to play cute with his description of how powerful Taako feels, urging him to keep rolling D6s as the fireball gets bigger and bigger. Our bewildered wizard proceeds to roll another dozen times and ends up with a combined total of 160 damage when Griffin finally tells him he can stop, gleefully describing what amounts to the sun itself manifesting from Taako's staff and blasting down upon the colossus.
• Yeah, I don't know. It's a cool moment, I guess. It was just handed to Justin on a silver platter without him having to think of anything or make use of his mechanics, but it's narrated colorfully enough. Probably I'm just being a curmudgeon about combat again.
• The sun explosion scorches away almost every vine, exposing Sloan (and Magnus, hi Magnus) before she immediately gets back to it. This time she summons a barrier of black-and-white thorned vines, which Hurley identifies as an infamous plant both venomous and cursed. Hurley urgently calls a huddle at the edge of the platform, gives the gang a big hug, and... blasts them off the arena, activating their safety harnesses. This- this can't be the end of the fight, right? They didn't even finish a second turn! Taako is the only PC who got to move twice!
• As our heroes watch helplessly, Hurley glows with a brilliant white light and charges into the brambles, beautifully radiating the light through the entire vine arena and the tornado itself before the trio black out. And that would seem to be the end of her(ley).
• So... yeah. I guess that's it? I knew a big heroic sacrifice was incoming, but I expected to have... any buildup or impact whatsoever, for how much it gets talked about. I expect I'll have more to say about this in a minute, but I'll let it ride for now.
• Travis: "We did it! And not a life was lost! No cost to ourselves!" Justin: "Another W for the good guys!" Travis: "We're gonna get a plaque for this one for SURE." Clint: "Yay us!"
• Once they're all done commiserating their grief, Griff brings the trio back to consciousness in a pool of water in the Goldcliff city center. Also in the pool is Sloan, now rejuvenated, cradling the sickly Hurley as infection visibly travels up her body. Alright, so at least there's more to it before they get sent off. I truly expected it to just fade back on the two dead.
• Hurley weakly moaning "You're in troublllle!" as the Militia sirens get closer is kind of cute, tbh.
• Sloan/Griffin/Hurley/this dialogue format was a mistake: "'This whole time, I was looking for something more powerful than this FUCKING belt.' Um, and she looks down at Hurley, and she says, 'I'm such a fool.' And Hurley says, 'Yeah.'" Taako: "Don't you have any healing magics? You're a cleric for crying out loud!" Merle: "Me?" Sloan: "The venom of the silverpoint...................... There's nothing to be done." Justin?/Taako?: "Horseshit!"
• Sloan makes a whispered agreement with the dying Hurley, and implores the party to never let something like this happen again with the other artifacts. With that, and another dramatic musical sting, the duo... explode into cherry blossoms and sprout into a giant tree, leaving only vague suggestions of their figures gnarled into the base, and the Gaia Sash resting alongside their racing masks.
• BRB shaking and crying
• ;--;
• Listened to Scissor Sisters' "I Can't Decide" on repeated loop at 1.5x speed, I think I'm all better now
• Griffin Dougie McElroy, you've done it again. You've played with my heartstrings and sent off a legendary heroine with the kind of panache Hollywood wishes they had. I'm going to adopt a ram in Hurley's memory.
• Ahem. With all of that settled, and with the ad break music fading in, Magnus and Taako glance over the tree and elbow each other a little over who's going to pick up the sash. Justin/Taako: "I notice Magnus reaching for Railsplitter and I say, 'Don't even think about it.'"

Ad Break, In Which I Digress On Gay Characters And The Burying Thereof
So. Yes. The lesbians turned into trees. As I said at the top of the arc, I did know this moment would happen in vague terms, I just had no idea what the context or execution would be. This moment stirred up a good bit of controversy over the subject of "Bury Your Gays", probably amplified in specificity by the 2015-2016 controversy over dead lesbians in various recent TV shows, and even now it's still debated whether killing Hurley and Sloan off this way was a good decision.
Bury Your Gays is a real thing, and it is still a broad issue, even as the landscape for representation has gotten much wider since 2015. Major rep is more important than ever, and will be until we no longer face such intense and constant extermination efforts. That said, it's a term best applied to trends, not universally applicable to every time a character on the LGBTQ+ spectrum is killed off or otherwise sent away. Imagine how fucking dull stories with diverse casts would be if queer characters were invincible. I love writing and experiencing diverse stories; I also love writing and experiencing things dark and full of violence and death. Some crossover is to be expected. What matters is that the death in question suits the story and the character, and doesn't feel malicious or denigrating.
To that end, is Hurley and Sloan's treensformation a case of Bury Your Gays? I wouldn't say so, even putting it in context of late 2015 (where there were already way, way, WAY better choices for sapphic rep than a D&D podcast by three cishet guys). Griffin definitely thought this would be a beautiful and poignant sendoff, and contorted the whole arc to build up to it. To the extent that Hurley and Sloan are characters at all, it fits them just fine. I can see a version of it that even rings home emotionally. Fang and Vanille's ending in Final Fantasy XIII -- which I would wager is what Griffin pulled this scene from -- is both more resonant and way more problematic.
My problem with Hurley and Sloan's sendoff is that they weren't a thing. There's hardly a gay relationship here to get upset about ending. Even with my thickest sapphic shipper goggles on, outside of the very first time Hurley talked about Sloan (where there were some innuendos that went right over everyone's heads), almost nothing about the two indicates that they're more than friends. They barely interact before the big pseudo-romantic death scene. Again, even in late 2015 -- mere months after the legalization of gay marriage -- there was substantially better on offer across various mediums. Seeing Hurley and Sloan held up as trailblazers of Real Lesbian Rep rings even falser now that I've seen their story. I feel nothing for these characters.
If Hurley and Sloan meant a lot to you at the time, and if you were invested enough in them to feel hurt by how Griffin sent them off, I don't say this to demean you. I would be genuinely curious to hear your takes. But I went in with low expectations to meet, and I'd be lying if I didn't call this whole thing unreasonably thin gruel for the hype.
Ad Break Finite

• Oh right, this is a D&D podcast I'm writing about.
• As we fade back in, Taako approaches the Gaia Sash, only for the evil voice from earlier (without the filter, so it's just Griff's scratchy little guy voice) to appear in his head with promises of unimaginable power. Taako's into it, but does his good boy job and resists its influence, only to be met with a critical fail roll of 9! And thus is Goldcliff menaced forevermore by the elemental sorcerer-king known only as The Mongoose -- nah, just as he's sliding the sash around his body, Hurley and Sloan's voices pop in and bid him-
• WAIT THEY'RE STILL ALIVE IN THAT TREE? THEY'RE NOT GHOSTS OR FUSED OR ANYTHING, THEY SOUND TOTALLY LUCID AND FINE. THAT WHOLE DIGRESSION WAS FUCKING POINTLESS
• Hurley and Sloan's voices pop in and bid him to be stronger, allowing him another roll with advantage. This time he rolls even worse with a 3. Before Griffin can conjure up a third lesbian in an icicle to cheer him on harder, Magnus rolls 22 to punch Taako in the head and Merle also rolls 22 to steal the sash off his body. Just one more in a long string of consequence negation, but I'll allow it on the basis that it's really funny and I'm taking anything to laugh at in this arc like a drowning woman clinging to chunks of driftwood.
• Gaia Sash: "Oh, a- a nature cleric?! I should've come to you first! Come on man, put me on!" Merle: "Nobody ever thinks of Merle..." Gaia Sash: "There's no vine you'll never be able to not fuck! I'll give you sexual conquest over anything, whether you wanna fuck an onion, or..." Everyone: [laughter] Griffin: "But you've beaten this thing in a- a test of wisdom." Merle: "I don't need your help, pal!" Griffin, gut punched: "Fuckin' an onion?!" Merle: "To have sex with an onion!" If nothing else, I'm glad this arc managed a perfect bookending brick joke.
• With his dominance over nature confirmed, Merle drops the Gaia Sash into his fanny pack and zips it up. Hurley and Sloan congratulate them on solving the problem, and just as the Militia surround the pool, Captain Bane (remember when I thought he was going to be the villain?) shows up and defuses the situation. We cut to Bane's office, where he asks for a rundown of the story and what happened to Hurley (Taako: "Tree now."), as well as inquiring how they've resisted three of these artifacts (they just did).
• With that done and several terrible tree puns made, Bane makes a toast to Hurley, urging the trio to drink with him. Aggressively urging. We only have like six minutes left in this arc, but holy shit, is there still time for my guess -- based entirely on this ridiculously minor character's name -- to be right?
• The gang see through it immediately and Taako casts Charm Person, but while he fails against Bane's 19 roll, it's enough for him to sense that Bane is already being mind controlled. He abruptly glows red(?) and stands up, smashing Merle and Taako's glasses and chugging Magnus', immediately dropping dead as the same silverpoint vine poison that did Hurley in takes effect. Behind him manifests another humanoid figure -- one whose features are completely hidden by a bright red robe. Magnus tries to beat the shit out of it, but it's completely incorporeal. I've been waiting on these guys to show up! All I know is that they're the main antagonistic force, and I think I remember some vague osmosed things to do with Stolen Century, but it's been long enough since I absorbed any discussion that it's all hazy. Excited to see if they're worth a damn.
• In a booming, echoey whisper, the red-robed figure asks repeatedly, "ARE YOU AFRAID?" The trio only have banter and piss-taking in response, up until it extends its arm and holographically projects a series of faces: Gundren Rockseeker, Magic Brian, Jenkins (god how I miss you Jenkins), Sloan, and Bane. It rambles a bit about the true nature of man, and we get our first namedrop of the Hunger being the all-consuming threat (that, as I've said before, I do know about) before vanishing. Everyone small-talks for a solid minute about how spooky it was.
• Taako: "Guys, I think- I think- if I was getting the right message from that, I think we're gonna need to turn our attention to one VERY important question... Do you think there was any prize money for the race, is that something we need to check back in on?"
• Griffin obliges and reveals that Bane had two hitherto-unmentioned briefcases on his desk, labeled 1 and 2, respectively nabbed up by Taako and Merle. Inside, respectively: 3,000 and 1,500 gold pieces! Taako decides to split it three ways for 1,500 gold apiece, which is fair, but so unlike the boot-stealing, silverware-hoarding maniac I fell in love with in arcs prior. Character development?
• Magnus loots Bane's body and takes his badge, and Merle obtains a little black vial of silverpoint poison. And then... the small talk about the Red Robe plays again? The fuck? The entire last three minutes of audio just loops as the progress bar continues, before resuming as normal for the actual end of the episode. I had to check the transcript to make sure I didn't miss anything in that time. Guess the official MaxFun upload just broke in a weird and specific way.
• Speaking of MaxFun, Justin rings us out by celebrating the season's completion and taking jabs at the idea of Kickstarter and Patreon. Make of that finely-aged milk what you will, dear jerkers. I got nothin'. I'm tired. That's all she wrote.

Post-Episode
Mostly about as boring as the past few episodes. I've already said my piece on Sloan and Hurley writ large, but the fight to get to the infamous moment was both mid and ridiculously short (I know, I know: "the food here is terrible, and such small portions"). Miraculously, though, things did pick up significantly in the last ten minutes of the episode. The trio seemed reinvigorated on the banter and improv front once the tree scene was done, and there was more to make me smile and chuckle in that home stretch than in pretty much the whole arc. I even liked the Bane / Red Robe scene as an ominous story beat! It's weird to end a Petals episode feeling generally positive!
Petals to the Metal, In Review
I think the fact that I took a full year to slog through the arc, nearly half of that just being procrastination on the final episode, speaks more to my opinion of Petals than anything scathing I could write.
The tower climb, the heist, the race, the showdown... every individual chunk of this storyline was an endurance test. Griffin really let out the worst of his DMing tendencies here, between the railroading, the fake rolls or complete absence of rolls, the ceaseless rimming of his own special characters to the minimization of the players, etc. And through it all, there were so precious few jokes and bits that actually landed for me.
I thought Rockport had a few serious issues, but it was sterling compared to this mess. All I can really admire about it is the ambition and the fact that the guys all sounded like they were having a good time for most of it.
Comedy Ranking: Rockport > Gerblins > Moonlighting > Petals
Quality Ranking: Gerblins > Rockport > Petals > Moonlighting
Here's to Crystal Kingdom being at least a change of pace, even if from what I hear, it'll be a lot more serious. And here's to me not taking another six months to do the next episode, however busy I am.

I posted about this a few years ago, but it never got solved - so, I’m going ahead and reposting, with more details.
For basic details: it was an American show, aired in the early ‘70s, and my mom’s not certain if it was broadcast in color. She’s also not certain as to whether it was a segment, or a full episode - but she leans towards it having been a segment, despite how long it felt to her kid brain.
So - when my mom was just a little kid, she stayed up far past her bed time, and ended up watching an episode of some horror anthology series on the family TV. A lot of the details are blurry in her memory, since she was only six or seven when she watched it… but hopefully, the rough outline we’ve pieced together will be enough. Also: since the TV was an old-school B&W model, and she can’t remember whether there were any indicators as to whether the show was broadcast in color - the show might’ve been even older than the range of time that we’ve tried to narrow our search down to over the years.
Anyways… while she doesn’t really remember that much about the intro of the episode, the basic premise of it stuck with her. Essentially: a family were out driving - perhaps while on vacation, most likely going through a desert - when an all-consuming darkness suddenly appeared behind them, and began slowly creeping their way.
The family absolutely consisted of a dad and a mom, with their kids most likely being a young boy and girl - and she thinks that they had a dog with them as well, unless it got in the car with them later on (which she’s about 50/50 on)
Per her memory, the family immediately started speculating about what the encroaching darkness behind them could possibly be, before the dad eventually shrugged it off as an eclipse(?). They then stopped at a gas station, and the family split up to get drinks ‘n’ snacks and go to the bathroom and such. One of the parents also stepped away to make a call on a pay phone - my mom thinks it was most likely the dad calling his mother. Anyways: while he was on the call with his mother, and telling her about the approaching void, he saw the void engulf her town - and reacted with horror and confusion as the call immediately dropped. He then tried to call her back, and was told that the line was out of service.
Deeply disturbed by this, the father rushed to tell his family to get back in the car. My mom thinks she remembers him arguing with the mother about cancelling their plans to go his mother’s house, as he essentially started driving off in a random direction after that.
After a while, as they kept driving, they all eventually realized that the darkness was swallowing up everything behind them. She thinks that that it might’ve finally sunk in for all of them after the family dog(?) got out of the car and ran into the darkness for some reason, with the father then convinced that he was “trained too well to not come when I call him” or something. From that point on, they tried to stop people from driving into the darkness by yelling out of the car windows as they drove past - but were horrified and depressed to see that nobody heeded their warnings. The episode then ended with the family just kind of resigning themselves to their fate of having to drive indefinitely; rushing to get gas and supplies when they could, not knowing when they might run out of road. There may or may not have been a monologue that closed things out, either.
Well - thanks for reading all of that! Any efforts to help my mom and I solve this decades-long mystery of hers will be greatly appreciated!

To preface, I thought Poor Films had great performances (my favorite Emma Stone performance to date) and absolutely fantastic production design. It looked fantastic. Also, my issue is not with the sexual content—if anything, I think Poor Things had a pretty shallow investigation into sex compared to what I was expecting after all of the buzz. Actually, when I first saw Poor Things, I kind of liked it, because I thought it was potentially a pretty vigorous satire of the naive bourgeoisie playing pretend at transcendentalist before returning unchanged to the safe confines of her life.
But as time has gone on since seeing this movie, I keep seeing review after review taking it completely earnestly, and I've started to wonder: am I missing something, or do I just not like it after all? If Bella's story is not satirical, I really dislike the messaging.
My issue is: Bella has this incredible, ground-shifting realization where she awakens to class consciousness and decides that she's going to change the world. This seems like a fantastic next step in the film—her attitudes towards revolution expand beyond the personal and sexual and extend to the world around her as well. She declares that she's going to change the world, and live a different kind of life. But here is where it begins to be bitingly satirical (or so I interpreted)—her first action to do this is indirect charity, which so obviously gets robbed by the intermediary and never reaches the lower class. And yet she believes that she's done something productive.
This disconnect between the way that she believes she's being revolutionary and the actual practice of the thing extends for the rest of the film—from there, we enter Act II and Bella's time in the brothel. Here, the film pays lip service to socialism while simultaneously showing how she's not actually achieving the nirvana she believed she would. "We are our own means of production," Bella declares, but that itself is a painfully naive and uninformed line—even though she is her own means of production here, she still doesn't own it, and she's still paying rent to the Madame of the brothel. Her mood gets worse and worse, and there is this real sense that the same sexual experiences that gave her joy when they were hers—because she was enjoying the comforts of the upper class—are now joyless as work. Here too the Madame offers contrary advice, telling her to bear it rather than resist this feeling. Also, she's entirely not changing the world. We get minor references to her continuing desire to do so, but the movie continues to only show Bella's introspection, so now Bella's grandiose ideas seem like failed promises to herself.
Then, Bella returns for the strange third act where she returns to the husband of the woman whose body she's in. I hated this part because it was by far the most unsubtle. Alfie Blessington is this cartoonishly obvious villain who encompasses all of the evils in the film so far, combining aristocracy and sexual repression. On the other hand, there's this strong moment where Bella gets to have this monologue defending her personal discoveries after her journey: she goes on about how Blessington and his wife were cruel, and how Bella has decided that she is utterly against cruelty.
However, that monologue is immediately undercut by Bella putting a goat's brain into his body. Yes, Blessington obviously of course deserved it, but isn't that a cruel and unusual punishment? I don't have an issue with her getting revenge on principle, only that it seems to contradict her own words from earlier; the film ultimately says that some cruelty and revenge is earned. Honestly, I think that might be true, but it makes Bella look like a hypocrite. Bella, who previously had the good-hearted intentions of a newborn, has changed her tactics, with her changed understanding of the world: the world is dark and cruel, and the necessary response is cruelty in return. I don't mind that message, and the first time I watched it, I thought that was completely intentional. It's just that I can't find other people who are seeing it that way.
My interpretation of the ending of the film is tragic, and makes Bella seem like a complete hypocrite in almost all things. Bella returning to her old home made for a strong juxtaposition, but the message it sends is totally contrary to all of her self-professed intentions: She had dedicated herself to learning the world through experience, to explore every possibility and embrace the variety of the human experience, but returns to the small, isolated life she grew up in, with the only man she knew before. She declared herself opposed to cruelty and, wanted to change the world, and lived the life of those less fortunate... and yet, at the end, all of that is forgotten.
She has not changed anything in the world, she has only changed herself. And, selfishly, now that she's learned that lesson and had her experience, she returns to the safety, privilege and wealth of her initial starting point, ensconced in her garden, having saved exactly one person, someone who made a personal connection with her in the brothel.
Ultimately, the ending of the film felt bleak to me: I left the theater thinking that Poor Things was not about the space for joy in the raw experience of being alive in opposition to capitalism, but rather a cynical movie about how the immense cruelties of the world become so overbearing that eventually every innocent succumbs to cruelty in response, and that inevitably, everyone (no matter how remarkable a person) who is born into the elite will return to the safety of their privileged status after a brief jaunt into the hedonistic unknown around them.
And yet, it seems like everyone I talk to and every review I read stops at the first part—that this is a movie about joy and discovery and rebellion. I liked it as a satire, critical of Bella's character. But is the film being earnest, and do I just not like what it's saying? Am I missing something here, am I misunderstanding what other people are saying (and it really is this dark), or do I just not like it?

How did Edward stay out of the sun in Eclipse when he and Bella visit her mom? I know that he is indoors in the movie, but like wouldn't Reneé wonder why he doesn't go out in the sun and how did they go from the airport to her house?

I am procrastinating my responsibilities so I wrote this essay. Enjoy.
For context I watch the movies all the time but I haven’t read the books in a decade so feel free to enlighten me. But this opinion is really based on the movies. For the sake of this post we are going to ignore the whole rounding up humans and their kids to drink their blood thing.
The volturi have 2 rules: no kid vampires and no exposing/making a spectacle of vampirism to humans. That’s it. Good rules in my opinion. They aren’t wanting humans to be slaves, slaughtering other vampires just because, or doing anything truly heinous. Carlisle was a part of them. True, he left, but the fact that he stayed as long as he did shows that they were not nightmares. He didn’t leave them because they were evil rulers either. He left because he wanted to study medicine and be vegetarian. Anyway, I think that the fact that we see Caius thankful for his own death in BD battle shows that at least 1/3 has no dreams of supreme power. Overall, the Volturi is far from the worst governing body that the vampires could potentially have. I believe that humans have had much, much worse leaders in our past. They also rule over all of vampirism worldwide. Imagine if the Volturi fall and there are a bunch of groups of ruling vampires vying for power throughout the world. It would be a disaster. I don’t love the idea of an oligarchy ruling the entirety of vampires, but as long as it’s just the two rules, I think it’s not too shabby. Much better than no ruling party at all or psychopaths in charge. So the Volturi are pretty reasonable (possibly even good overall) rulers. And they should stay in charge because the alternatives are almost definitely going to be worse.
So what are their motives? Self-preservation. Both of vampirism and of themselves. Which explains their laws and need to have vampires like Jane and Felix around (and why they desperately want Edward and Alice. They would be unstoppable with that foursome. Preventing any worse groups from seizing power.) They act as an army and police. I mean, many countries have standing armies and police forces too. Not necessarily to oppress, but to defend themselves and enforce laws. (I know irl armies and police are a lot more complex and not always a force for good but this is a dumb FB post so we are simplifying). Though if Miss Jane were in charge, we should be scared. They aren’t even hunting down their rivals like the two Romanian characters. The Romanians don’t seem too lovely either and they clearly have a bias. For all we know, the Romanian rule could have been horrifying and the Volturi saved everyone by taking over power. I mean, it seems like as long as their laws aren’t broken, the Volturi leave everyone alone. If they wanted more power or laws, they’ve had centuries to do so and we aren’t given any evidence to support them being evil or power hungry. The Volturi up until NM are just trying to maintain power and mind their own business. I am pro-leave the Volturi in charge.
What I’m getting at is that the Volturi have two reasonable laws and (I believe, based on what we know) that they only want to maintain power to prevent a worse group from taking over.
The Volturi don’t much believe in second chances or gray areas. They only have two simple laws after all. So when Edward sorta breaks one, they were going to enforce it until Bella stepped in. Making exceptions seems very rare for the Volturi, but I guess if you are as old and bored as they are, you too would be curious to see how things play out considering the law was not fully broken. They just want to see Bella become a vampire so that they know that she won’t spill the beans if her and Edward break up. That’s pretty reasonable in my opinion since Bella wants that too. The V are not at all in the wrong in NM.
“But what about the events in Eclipse???” I’m so glad that you asked. The Volturi had two problems in E. 1. Victoria and her army. 2. The Cullens.
Let’s start with 1. Obviously Vic is a problem because she is violating their law about exposing/making a spectacle. Remember how the Volturi conveniently showed up just as the battle ended. The Volturi knew that either the Cullens would destroy Vic or that Vic would win but be so battle weary that the Volturi would have no problem finishing her and her army off. They were never going to let Vic get away.

1. The Cullens. Why do they low key want the Cullens dead? Because in NM it was made clear that Alice and Edward have no interest in joining them. This makes the Cullens a possible threat to the Volturi’s power. You and I know that the Cullens don’t want to be Vampire royalty, but the Volturi knows that if the Cullens wanted it, they would be the only group potentially strong enough to overthrow the Volturi (V from now on). So V isn’t seeking to kill the Cullens yet, but if some of the Cullens get taken out in the fight against Vic, it’s like killing two birds with one stone. Again, back to the V just wanting to preserve itself.

I mean, after all. Vic was originally the Cullen’s problem. The V was going to make sure justice was served to Vic no matter what. Why would the V risk their lives instead of the Cullens on a problem that the Cullens kind of created. The V aren’t protectors. As long as justice is served, their responsibility is done. It is not on the V to keep the Cullens or any clan alive.
This fear that the Cullens may become an enemy also explains why V killed Bree Tanner. They didn’t want another addition to the Cullens which would make the Cullens even stronger. I don’t think we hear of any vampire clan bigger than 4 other than the Cullens and V. So, while not a morally good move, the V had a reason (although they told the Cullens it was for another reason), it wasn’t to kill her just to kill her. As far as not stepping in sooner, ya they should have morally. The V also showed us in NM when Edward was on his way to expose himself that they do not believe in preventative action, only punishment. And we don’t exactly see the Cullens going crazy to stop Vic before the battle either.
Onto BD. So the Cullens survived Eclipse. V is still suspicious of them but as long as Bella becomes a vampire (which V knows she is getting married so that’s on track) then they have no reason to attack the Cullens. Except Roatary phone gets born. Again, two rules. We know of how disasterous vampire kids can be. And frankly it’ would be a big gamble for the V to let Rosacea to live. It would also tell all of vampire nation that V is relaxing on their laws and everyone can do what they want. They need to maintain the order. When some of Carlisle’s friends don’t join, I don’t think that it is because they fear a sadistic V. I think it’s because they know that V will enforce the law and/or they agree with the V that no immortal childs should exist. Period. It’s too much of a risk.
When it is revealed to the V that Rutabaga is chill, V still want to fight. 2 reasons, once again, not letting themselves look weak and letting laws be (kinda) broken. Also the Cullens have shown in Eclipse that they are working with the wolves. One of only 2 creatures able to kill vampires. So, the V, still a little paranoid, want to take down the Cullens before they get any stronger. Self-preservation. The only thing that stops them is Alice’s vision because: the potential of getting overthrown > an assured death of the V.
Long story short, V aren’t perfect but they are far from evil, corrupt dictators. The real bad guy in end of E and BD are the circumstances. The Cullens unintentionally created the problem of Victoria and Remember the Alamo and they broke both of the only two laws. I think there is an argument that at least some of their dark deeds are justified by their own attempts to maintain order and self-preserve.

Random story idea I had and the brainstormed mess that followed. Posting here for no reason other than I want to be critiqued.
In a world where righteousness has waned, the once noble paladins now stride forth as agents of divine wrath. Their armor bears scars, their eyes aflame with zealous fervor.
The Flamebearers of the Imperium Aurorae, as they are now known, wield maces wreathed in fire. With each swing, they purify the land, leaving naught but smoldering remnants of evil. Their shields, emblazoned with symbols of forgotten gods, deflect all who dare question their purpose.
No longer bound by mercy, they hunt the shadows, their flames consuming wickedness. Villages whisper of their arrival, and fear grips hearts. For in their wake, no soul is spared, no sin forgiven. The Flamebearers march, unyielding, their path ablaze with righteous fury.
The leader of the Imperium Aurorae is a figure of awe and dread, known as High Purifier Kael. Clad in armor that gleams like molten gold, he stands taller and prouder than his brethren. His presence alone commands silence, his gaze piercing through the hearts of those he judges.
Kael’s helm, adorned with the visage of a roaring lion, is never removed in the presence of others, adding to his enigmatic aura. His voice, deep and resonant, echoes the authority of one who speaks with the conviction of the divine.
In battle, Kael wields The Emberfall, a legendary flail whose head ignites with celestial fire upon his command. His shield, The Dawnbreaker, is a masterpiece of craftsmanship, capable of withstanding the fiercest of onslaughts and radiating a light that can blind his foes.
His zealotry knows no bounds; he believes the fire he commands is a gift from the gods, a tool to purify the world from sin. Under his leadership, the Imperium Aurorae march not just as warriors, but as harbingers of a new order, one cleansed by flame and forged in the image of their unwavering faith.
High Purifier Kael is not just a warrior; he is a symbol of the absolute power of belief, and the unrelenting force of a will that seeks to reshape the world.
In the hushed glow of the sacred chamber, High Purifier Kael stands before the flickering flames, his voice a solemn rumble that resonates through the stone walls:
"Behold, the fire of judgment, the purifier of souls. It is in this divine inferno that we find our purpose, our calling. We are the Imperium Aurorae, the righteous arm of retribution. Our flames do not merely consume; they cleanse, they renew, they forge a path for the pure of heart.
The world quakes at our approach, for they know that we bring not mercy, but salvation through fire. Let the wicked tremble, let the corrupt flee. For we shall leave no stone unturned, no shadow unlit. Our crusade is one of unwavering conviction, and our flames shall be the beacon of a new dawn.
I am Kael, the High Purifier, the bearer of The Emberfall. My will is unbreakable, my faith unshakable. With The Dawnbreaker at my side, I shall lead the Imperium Aurorae to glory, to a world cleansed of sin and bathed in righteous light.
So let the fire roar, let it rise to the heavens as a testament to our resolve. We are the chosen, the anointed, the deliverers of the flame. And we shall not rest until the land is purified, until the last ember of evil is extinguished by our hand."
As the monologue concludes, the flames leap higher, casting a fierce glow upon Kael’s golden armor, reflecting the unrelenting spirit of the leader of the Imperium Aurorae.
The story begins in the heart of the Emberlands, where the Flamebearers have gathered under the crimson sky, preparing for their sacred mission. Kael stands before them, his armor reflecting the dying light, The Emberfall flail in hand, The Dawnbreaker shield at his side.
“Brothers and sisters,” Kael’s voice thundered, “the time has come to cleanse this land. Our flames shall be the harbingers of a new era, one purified by the fires of justice. We shall leave no dark corner untouched, no sin unburned.”
With a roar of approval, the Flamebearers march forth, their path illuminated by the fires they wield. Villages that once cowered in fear now gaze upon the procession with hope, for the Flamebearers bring not destruction, but renewal.
As they traverse the Emberlands, they encounter a village plagued by a darkness that no light could penetrate. The villagers plead with Kael for salvation, and with a solemn nod, he raises The Emberfall. Flames erupt from the flail, engulfing the shadows in a brilliant conflagration. When the fire subsides, the village is reborn, its people weeping tears of joy.
Yet, not all view the Imperium Aurorae as saviors. A band of rebels, those who oppose the purging fires, rise to challenge Kael’s authority. They ambush the Flamebearersin the dead of night, but Kael’s resolve is unshakable. With a battle cry that splits the darkness, he leads his warriors into the fray.
The clash is fierce, the air filled with the clang of steel and the roar of flames. Kael fights with a fury unmatched, his flail a blur of fire and destruction. One by one, the rebels fall, their defiance turned to ash.
As dawn breaks, the Flamebearers stand victorious, their enemies vanquished. Kael gazes upon the horizon, where the first light of morning meets the smoldering remains of battle. He knows their quest is far from over, but in this moment, he allows himself a brief respite, a fleeting sense of peace.
For High Purifier Kael and the Flamebearers, the journey continues, their flames a testament to their unwavering faith and the righteousness of their cause. And so, the legend of Kael and his order burns ever brighter, a beacon in a world seeking the warmth of redemption.
The Flamebearers’ reputation spread far and wide, their deeds etched into the annals of history. But it was in the desolate Firefall Canyon that their mettle would be tested like never before.
The canyon was a place of perpetual twilight, where the very air shimmered with heat. Its walls bore scars from ancient battles, and the ground crackled underfoot. Here, the Flamebearers sought the fabled Eternal Flame, said to be a direct gift from the gods themselves—a fire that could cleanse not just flesh but also the soul.
High Purifier Kael led his warriors into the heart of Firefall Canyon. The sun hung low, casting elongated shadows across the scorched earth. The air tasted of ash, and the distant howls of unseen creatures echoed through the ravine.
As they ventured deeper, the canyon narrowed, its walls closing in like the jaws of a great beast. Kael’s helm glowed with an inner light, and his grip tightened on The Emberfall. The Flamebearers followed in silence, their eyes scanning for signs of the Eternal Flame.
They reached a cavern, its entrance guarded by a massive obsidian statue—a sentinel carved in the likeness of a fire-wreathed angel. Its eyes glowed with an otherworldly intensity. Kael stepped forward, his voice unwavering:
“By the gods’ grace, we seek the Eternal Flame. We are the Flamebearers, and our purpose is righteous.”
The statue stirred, its stone wings flexing. A voice echoed from its stony lips: “To claim the flame, you must pass the trials. Only the worthy shall wield its power.”
And so, the trials began:

1. Trial of Purity: The Flamebearers faced a raging inferno—a wall of fire that danced and roared. Kael stepped into the flames, his armor ablaze. But he did not flinch. The fire licked at his skin, yet he emerged unscathed, his faith unshaken.
2. Trial of Sacrifice: In a chamber adorned with ancient runes, the Flamebearers found a pedestal. On it rested a single torch. Kael knew what was required. He ignited The Emberfall and touched it to his own flesh. His scream echoed through the chamber, but he did not falter. Blood and fire mingled, and the torch flared brighter.
3. Trial of Resolve: The final trial awaited—a mirror that reflected not their physical forms but their inner selves. Each Flamebearer gazed into it, confronting their doubts, fears, and sins. Kael saw the faces of those he had slain, the weight of their judgment. Yet he stood tall, unyielding.

When all trials were complete, the obsidian statue spoke once more: “High Purifier Kael, you have proven your worth. The Eternal Flame awaits.”
The cavern trembled, and from its depths emerged a column of pure fire—a pillar that reached toward the heavens. Kael stepped into its embrace, and the flames consumed him. When they subsided, he emerged, his armor now aglow with an ethereal light.
The Flamebearers knelt, their eyes wide. Kael’s voice resonated, not just in their ears but in their souls: “We are the vessels of divine wrath. With the Eternal Flame, we shall cleanse this world, burn away darkness, and forge anew.”
And so, High Purifier Kael led his order forth, their flails and shields aflame, their hearts burning with purpose. The Eternal Flame danced upon their armor, a beacon of hope and terror. For in their zeal, they had become something more—avatars of the gods’ fury, bound by fire and fate.
And the world trembled, awaiting the verdict of the Flamebearer
High Purifier Kael’s past is shrouded in mystery and legend. Born into a world rife with chaos and corruption, Kael was once a humble acolyte serving in the Temple of the Ascendant Flame. His early life was marked by a relentless pursuit of knowledge and an unwavering devotion to the divine.
As a young man, Kael witnessed the suffering of his people under the tyranny of dark forces. This ignited a fire within him, a burning desire to bring light to the darkness. His fervor caught the attention of the temple’s High Priest, who saw potential in the young acolyte’s spirit.
Kael’s training was rigorous, both in martial prowess and spiritual discipline. He learned to channel his inner fire into a physical manifestation, wielding it as a weapon against the shadows that plagued the land. His dedication was unmatched, and he quickly rose through the ranks, his name becoming synonymous with hope.
The turning point in Kael’s life came during the Eclipse of Ash, a cataclysmic event when the sun was blotted out by a shadow that threatened to consume the world. Kael led a desperate defense against the encroaching darkness, his blade alight with holy fire. It was during this battle that he earned the title of High Purifier, as he single-handedly turned the tide, his flames cleansing the land of evil.
In the aftermath, Kael realized that he alone had survived. The city and all who dwelled remained as nothing more than charred earth. But to him, only the sinful could perish by his flames. And he knew the fight against darkness was far from over. He gathered a group of like-minded warriors, those who had also felt the call of the flame, and thus the Flamebearers of the Imperium Aurorae were born. Together, they vowed to purge the world of sin, their conviction as unyielding as the fire they commanded.
Kael’s past is a testament to his strength and resolve. From a humble acolyte to the revered leader of the Flamebearers, his journey is one of transformation, driven by a deep-seated belief in the power of righteousness and the cleansing fire of justice… Perhaps too deep.
The Flamebearers’ zealotry was the very core of their identity, a fervent devotion that burned brighter than the flames they wielded. Their zeal was born from a profound belief in their divine mission to cleanse the world of sin and darkness.
Each member of the Flamebearers had undergone a transformative trial, where they faced their deepest fears and emerged with an unshakeable conviction. This trial bound them not only to their cause but also to each other, creating a brotherhood and sisterhood forged in the fires of their shared faith.
Their zeal manifested in their relentless pursuit of justice. They traveled across lands, leaving behind a trail of purified grounds, where once stood the corruption of evil. They were unyielding in their methods, often seen as harsh by those who did not understand the necessity of their actions.
The Flamebearers’ commitment was absolute. They sacrificed personal desires, relationships, and often their own well-being for the greater good. Their lives were dedicated to the service of the light, and they accepted this without question or hesitation.
High Purifier Kael, their leader, was the epitome of their zeal. His speeches stirred the hearts of his followers, his actions on the battlefield inspired awe and admiration. Kael’s unwavering resolve galvanized the Flamebearers, driving them forward with a passion that could not be quenched.
In battle, the Flamebearers of the Imperium Aurorae moved as one—a living conflagration of righteousness. Their armor was not just protection; it was a proclamation of their zealous purpose.
In essence, the Flamebearers were zealous because they believed, without a shadow of a doubt, that their path was righteous, their cause just, and their fire a necessary instrument of divine will.
But zealotry can be a double-edged sword. It blinds them to nuance, makes compromise impossible. The Flamebearers may clash with those who question their methods or challenge their dogma. Their fervor can lead to both heroic deeds and tragic consequences.
Yet, in the darkest hours, when hope flickers like a dying ember, it is the zealots that stand firm. They rally their comrades, ignite hope in despairing hearts, and remind us that sometimes fanaticism is the spark that kindles revolutions. Whether their cause is just or misguided, their fervent flames shape the course of history.

Who was that British MC on stage for a bunch of acts like Skream, Truth, etc??? Some of the things he said were absolutely ridiculous and at first I hated him being up there (especially at Skream), but he threw out so many stupid one liners that my group and I would yell the rest of the fest.
My groups personal favorite moment from him: he stops Truth’s last track of his Eclipse stage set (yelling STOP THE TRACK TRUTH, SERIOUSLY STOP THE TRACK as Truth keeps starting then stopping the track seemingly out of confusion) then he goes into a huge monologue about how beautiful this festival is then proceeds to say: “It’s just so beautiful how we’re all gathered here to see the sun go in front of the moon or the moon go in front of the sun or whatever’s happening.” That one really did my group in.
What’s some of y’all’s fav moments from this dude and seriously— who tf was that guy??

I’m reading the books for the first time. I’m on Eclipse right now and one thing Edward and Rosalie always stressed was that Bella has a choice, something the rest of them didn’t have. But in the honesty Bella really didn’t have a choice either. The Volturi was after Bella and they were going to kill her and the Cullens as well. The only way they wouldn’t harm her is if she was turned. Edward (and the rest of the Cullens) would try to fight for her soul, but I’m sure they would’ve either lost the fight or lost members of their family. The Volturi is strong, and we even saw what it would’ve looked like if the Cullens fought them in BD (ofc it wasn’t good). Even if they did win and Bella stayed human, I’m sure complications would arise when Bella aged and Edward did not. The only option she really had was to be turned or die. Being human was honestly off the table since the beginning.
In Breaking Dawn, Bella was going to die from being pregnant with Renesmee. Her choosing to stay pregnant was her final decision and ultimately took away any possibility of her staying human ever. And let’s say she did decide to terminate the pregnancy, she still had the Volturi to deal with which again left her with no option of staying human. So pregnant or not, she was bound to become a vampire which was supported by Alice’s visions. There was no point of terminating anyways, when the pregnancy only sped up the process of her being changed and getting the Volturi off their backs. In the end, her choosing to keep the baby only further eliminated any chance of her being a human. And ofc, the pregnancy did force Edward to turn her as she was dying with no other way to save her.
This actually reminded me of how most of the Cullens were changed as well. I find it so interested how so many of them had it happen this way, being changed on their deathbeds. Though the differences was that Bella ultimately brought it upon herself while the others had no choice in regard to their transformations. Bella was happy to be a vampire regardless of how it happened, as long as it was Edward who changed her. Both the Volturi and the pregnancy took away any change of her staying human anyways, regardless of if she wanted that or not.
Edit: I reworded this a bit in hopes that it makes a bit more sense at to what I’m trying to say.

CLICK HERE FOR PART ONE

Episode 13 — Host: Sydney Sweeney (OAD: March 02, 2024)

• PDD: Gone Too Soon, directed by Christopher Werner; Bowen’s Straight, directed by Tim Wilkime; Airbnb Design Commercial, directed by Mike Diva

Sketch	Writes
Cold Open: Inside Politics
Monologue
Detectives	Chloe Fineman, Alison Gates, Ceara O’Sullivan, Asha Ward
Pretape: Please Don’t Destroy - Gone Too Soon	Martin Herlihy, John Higgins, Ben Marshall
Air Bud
Big Bench	Kent Sublette
Pretape: Bowen’s Straight	Gary Richardson, Will Stephen, Auguste White, Bowen Yang
Makeup Artists	Jimmy Fowlie, Ceara O’Sullivan, Celeste Yim
Hooters Waitress
Pretape: Airbnb Design Commercial	Mike DiCenzo, Martin Herlihy, John Higgins, Ben Marshall, Jake Nordwind, Chloe Troast
Loud Table

Feature	Writes
Woman Who Is Aging Gracefully on Confidence	Jimmy Fowlie, Heidi Gardner, Alison Gates, Ceara O’Sullivan
Charlotte the Stingray on Her Pregnancy	Alex English, Ego Nwodim, Gary Richardson, Asha Ward

Episode 14 — Host: Josh Brolin (OAD March 09, 2024)

• Airplane Song, directed by Tim Wilkime; Shrimp Tower, directed by Mike Diva; Sandwich King segment, directed by Michael Mancini

Sketch	Writes
Cold Open: State of the Union
Monologue
Bank Robbery	Jimmy Fowlie, Heidi Gardner, Ceara O’Sullivan, Celeste Yim
Pretape: Airplane Song	Andrew Dismukes, Gary Richardson, Auguste White
People Pleaser Support Group	Mike DiCenzo, Jake Nordwind, Bowen Yang, Celeste Yim
Wine and Cheese Night	Andrew Dismukes, Will Stephen
Pretape: Shrimp Tower	Dan Bulla, Martin Herlihy, John Higgins, Ben Marshall, Sarah Sherman
Shonda Talk Show
Moulin Rouge	Alison Gates, Bowen Yang, Celeste Yim
Sandwich King
Lisa from Temecula: Sports Bar (Recurring)	Michael Che, Alex English, Gary Richardson

Episode 15 — Host: Ramy Youssef (OAD: March 30, 2024)

• Guest Writer: Josh Rabinowitz
• PDD: We Got Too High, directed by Tim Wilkime; Ozempic for Ramadan, directed by Christopher Werner; The Hitman, directed by Mike Diva

Sketch	Writes
Cold Open: Easter	Mike DiCenzo, Alison Gates, James Austin Johnson, Kent Sublette
Monologue (Stand-up)	Ramy Youssef
Couple Goals (Recurring)	Dan Bulla, Martin Herlihy, John Higgins, Ben Marshall, Jake Nordwind
Pretape: Please Don’t Destroy - We Got Too High	Dan Bulla, Martin Herlihy, John Higgins, Ben Marshall
Immigrant Dad Talk Show	Mike DiCenzo, Jimmy Fowlie, Marcello Hernández, Jake Nordwind, Ceara O’Sullivan
Team Captain
Pretape: Ozempic for Ramadan
Murder Detective
Tiny Desk Concert	Alison Gates, Martin Herlihy, Bowen Yang, Celeste Yim

Feature	Writes
TikToker Piper Dunster on Kate Middleton Conspiracy Theories	Mike DiCenzo, Jimmy Fowlie, Jake Nordwind, Ceara O’Sullivan
Flaco the Owl’s Widow on Her Husband’s Death and Autopsy	Megan Callahan-Shah, Josh Patten, Pete Schultz, KC Shornima, Asha Ward

Cut for Time Sketch	Writes
Pretape: The Hitman	Dan Bulla, Steven Castillo, Marcello Hernández

Episode 16 — Host: Kristen Wiig (OAD: April 06, 2024)

• Guest Writers: James Anderson, Paula Pell, John Solomon
• Pilates, directed by Mike Diva
• La Maison Du Bang sketch previously cut from the Timothée Chalamet episode

Sketch	Writes
Cold Open: TBS March Madness	Dan Bulla, Streeter Seidell, Bryan Tucker
Monologue	Mike DiCenzo, Jake Nordwind, Kent Sublette, Kristen Wiig
Jumanji	Andrew Dismukes, Asha Ward, Auguste White
Pretape: Pilates	Rosebud Baker, Chloe Fineman, Jimmy Fowlie, Ceara O’Sullivan
Secretaries (Recurring)	Mike DiCenzo, Heidi Gardner, Jimmy Fowlie, Jake Nordwind, Ceara O’Sullivan
Retirement Party (Recurring)	Steven Castillo, Colin Jost
Go-Karts	Andrew Dismukes, Will Stephen
La Maison Du Bang!	Chloe Fineman, Ceara O’Sullivan, Bryan Tucker

Feature	Writes
Earthquake and Eclipse on the Magnitude 4.8 Earthquake and the Solar Eclipse
Aunt Linda on the Latest Hit Movies	Paula Pell, Kristen Wiig

Episode 17 — Host: Ryan Gosling (OAD: April 13, 2024)

• Guest Writers: Dave McCary, Julio Torres
• Get That Boy Back, directed by Mike Diva; Papyrus 2, directed by Dave McCary

Sketch	Writes
Cold Open: Close Encounter (Recurring)	Mikey Day, Streeter Seidell, Kate McKinnon
Monologue	Dan Bulla, Mike DiCenzo, Ryan Gosling, Jake Nordwind
The Engagement	Mike DiCenzo, Jimmy Fowlie, Jake Nordwind, Ceara O’Sullivan
Pretape: Get That Boy Back	Jimmy Fowlie, Martin Herlihy, John Higgins, Ben Marshall, Ceara O’Sullivan, Chloe Troast
Can’t Tonight	Mike DiCenzo, Marcello Hernández, John Higgins
Beavis and Butt-Head (Recurring)	Mikey Day, Streeter Seidell
Doctor	Mike DiCenzo, Jake Nordwind, Bowen Yang
Erin Brockovich	Chloe Fineman, Alison Gates, Jake Nordwind

Feature	Writes
Resident Boyfriend Michael Longfellow on Weaponized Incompetence
Caitlin Clark on the WNBA Draft

Cut for Time Sketch	Writes
Pretape: Papyrus 2 (Recurring)	Julio Torres

Episode 18 — Host: Dua Lipa (OAD: May 04, 2024)

• The Anomalous Man, directed by Mike Diva; Penne Alla Vodka, directed by Christopher Werner; Teeny Tiny Statement Pin, directed by Tim Wilkime

Sketch	Writes
Cold Open: Community Affairs	Alex English, Gary Richardson
Monologue
Young Spicy (Recurring)	Gary Richardson, Will Stephen, Devon Walker
Pretape: The Anomalous Man	Dan Bulla, Sarah Sherman, Asha Ward
Good Morning Greenville	Colin Jost, Bryan Tucker
Sonny Angel	Alison Gates, Celeste Yim, Bowen Yang
Pretape: Penne Alla Vodka
OBGYN	Rosebud Baker, Megan Callahan-Shah, Michael Che
Pretape: Teeny Tiny Statement Pin	Alison Gates, Martin Herlihy, Celeste Yim
Jingle Pitch 2 (Recurring)	Andrew Dismukes, James Austin Johnson

Feature	Writes
Kristi Noem’s Other Dog Defends Her Owner
JoJo Siwa on Gay Pop and Her Bad Girl Era	Mike DiCenzo, Chloe Fineman, Jimmy Fowlie, Jake Nordwind, Ceara O’Sullivan
A Man Who Did Too Much Press

I know it wasn't supposed to be, but I have heard several secondhand accounts of people who saw totality in Fayetteville. A work friend's daughter even got a supposed picture of it. I say supposed because I suspect the daughter is lying and got the pic from the Internet lol, or a friend who was in the path..
I live in Bella Vista, but we traveled down to Paris to see the eclipse. Then we get back only to be told, "you could have just gone to Fayetteville!"
Thanks in advance Fayettevillains
Edit: Thanks all for confirming!!

 \\Oh mannn.. The characters section. This looks complicated, but its very easy. You'd want to write it a bit like.. Oh and also, don't mention the stuff about \[will never talk..\] and \[focus on x's..\] 

 \\Looks easy does it? Heres an example 

Was rewatching David Lynch’s Dune last night and noticed that during Irulans opening monologue there’s a very clear four chord movement that’s identical to one of the more important themes from Hans Zimmer’s Dune music. Check out 1:09 on the track titled Prologue on the Toto score and then listen Visions of Chani or Eclipse or any number of Zimmer’s cues and you’ll hear it.
Has anyone else heard this? Surely someone has.

I love playing the game of "who would I want to be in this universe" when I consume media and even from a young age I knew id NEVER want to be Bella because of how often she gets hurt/cut or breaks bones throughout the series. I only read the first book but I remember having trouble stomaching the ballet studio chapter because the way James roughs her up is gruesomely described (I can't remember if it was this book or Harry Potter PoA but one of them had such a gross leg break that I threw my book across the room) I also remember borrowing a friend's copy of Breaking Dawn just so I could skip around and the part where she gives birth was traumatic as well, and it's made worse by the fact that she becomes more or less paralyzed while experiencing excruciating pain.
Until she became a vampire poor Bella was just getting the absolute shit beat out of her in every single book. Even in Eclipse where she makes it through relatively unscathed she has to stab herself. I imagine if I'd read all four books and got all the way to her vampire teeth C-section I would've just laughed. Poor girl man honestly.

I was thinking the other day about some behind the scenes stuff from the Twilight movie, and one thing SM mentioned about working with Summit was that she was able to make a list of things that were important to her to preserve from the book. And one of those things was that all of the Cullens had to exist… which made me think that maybe in the other scripts that were getting tossed around before Summit got involved, Edward’s family was downsized or otherwise changed by the screenwriters.
What do you think that might have looked like? Could it have worked to have had less Cullens zooming around to Muse on the baseball field? Do you think any of the Cullens could have been combined to fulfill each other’s roles in the story?
Now, for the record, I love the whole veggie vamp family, and I'm very happy they all survived the transition from page to screen, but just for fun...
Personally, I could see combining Emmett and Jasper into a single character working. Jasper’s power isn’t even mentioned in the first movie, and, even once it’s established, not much is really done with it in the films. His backstory is important in order to understand why he attacks in New Moon, and his battle experience becomes key in Eclipse, but couldn’t he have become a skilled fighter because of strength rather than emotional sensitivity/manipulation? I think giving the vampire who struggles the most with controlling their bloodlust the greatest physical strength could’ve really upped the sense of danger and been interesting.
Out of the others, I see Alice as being the most difficult to make changes to, just because of how much her specific gift shapes the plot. Esme seems to make the least impact on the events in the story. I love her, but, if anyone had to be cut entirely, I think she could be removed without having to change any other character to make up for it.
Combining Rosalie and Carlisle might have worked. I think they’re both defined by their connections to humanity, and it actually doesn’t seem like too much of a stretch for a character as compassionate as Carlisle is to forever mourn his human life as Rosalie does, especially if he never changed/found Esme. What if Carlisle was the one who took a strong stance against Edward's involvement with Bella? I think Carlisle’s disapproval of the relationship would affect Edward way more than Rosalie’s.