Hello everybody.
First of all, I'm sorry if the structure of my post is a bit disorganized, but its the best aI can do at this moment.
With each day that passes, I feel there's less of me. It's like my life is slowly swallowing what once made me happy. My interests. My dreams. Everything is slowly fading into nothingness, and slowly but surely I'm becoming another cog, another number, another grey blob commuting to work... I'm in a fucking loop unable to break out, and whenever I'm able to get out of it for a second, I'm being pulled back in a moments notice.
So... I live a pretty normal, boring and monotonous life. I have a corporate job I hate with all my heart. I live with my dog, brother and father and I love them to death. Recently I got engaged with a lovely woman, and I'm sure she loves me with devotion. The thing is... since getting engaged, I feel trapped in my current job. I cannot quit as I'm earning a decent amount that I can't ignore easily and I can't get anywhere else easily. I'm good at what I do, its just that I hate this fucking corporate structure. More and more, I'm getting pulled to her family, which I hate, they're a bunch of entitled, clasist and racist people. I can use my best mask around them, but its quickly slipping. I cannot see her mother treating her daughter as a slave, or her father whipping his belt around the house threatening to hurt 4 years old children...
Since getting engaged, I have stopped doing what I love, spending in things for myself, taking care of myself. Almost every penny I earn is to take care of my fiance (like making her happy, she works as well), and our future. But what is our future? Is the future I want, or the future she and her family envision for ourselves. And don't get me wrong, she does not make me do anything, she does not press me into anything or make me purchase her anything. She genuinely loves me and is not trying to take advantage of me. Just wanted to make that clear.
Im so scared of leaving my dog, my brother and my father. They're everything to me, and the only persons I can say I absolutely trust. The fact that I have to leave them breaks my heart with each passing day. I love my fiance, but she does not make these feelings of loneliness go away. It's like being in a pitch dark place, and I'm just giving away the only lights guiding me through this god forsaken place.
I just don't know what to do anymore. Is this it? I know my problems ain't shit compared to others. And mostly everything is in my head. But its eating me slowly. I use my best mask for everyone else, but its slipping, and I don't know how much I can hold it together before I snap.
Thanks for reading.

Brother me and my girlfriend started dating in 2015 both 15 , we moved in together at 21- as of now basically almost 24* (im 23 shes 24 , a couple months older) , she had her own dark world and toxic household and so did i. Difference is i had a complete “family” , she was raised by her mother who treated her indifferent because she is her dads twin. She gave the most purest and sweetest love . It even gives me chills to write about it. She surprised me countless times , validated my feelings , took care of me more than own mother did bro. She put her ass on the line for me whenever and vice versa. We traveled to her country mu country and countless other places at a young age all alone . Im gonna be honest i cheated by grabbing another girls ass in 2018 and a year later in 2019 the girl from hs called her to tell her and she waited for me in my house but i was such a coward i kept denying and denying even though she knew exactly what had went on. Fast forward in 2021 shit got so rough my family always hated her for no reason (jealousy is a real thing bro) and so much happened. And imma be honest in 2022 i was taking care of her since we moved in together but 2022 i told her quit her job around early January February i told her i got us cause i found a job paying great so why not? That was my baby you know? So that year i went to a whorehouse with this dumbass loser i was working with and i fell for the temptation. Mind you this was a bad year for her she gained weight up to 260 and her family (mom and sister) they always treated her like shit and always was jealous of even me getting her stuff and just loving her and supporting her. Im not gonna lie yes i cheated and she found out about it the same day cause i fell asleep and went through my phone. My dumbass recorded a voice note that those whores can’t even give oral correctly they use all teeth , so when she found out that was a dealbreaker. Bro i destroyed her with that and i know i fucked up so bad this chick had a hot meal from scratch ready for me every single day after work. Anyways fast forward to 2023, she told me when i get a job i got you and everything you ever did. She got the gastric sleeve surgery in September 2022 so 2023 in February she had started losing weight drastically and then eventually got a job the same month. Brother she was destroyed and still gave me food everyday still helped me still gave me sex just still was trying not giving up. I unfortunately didn’t see it this way due to my own internal problems and trauma and my selfish and stupid ways. Anyways even for my bday she took me to miami wasted $3k on the trip and it was amazing. Eventually it got toxic i got fired around October and i wasn’t really fully employed after that for a while so she had to pick up alot and my egocentric ass said hey i did it for you whats the problem a couple months you hold me down? (She should of been left me) but it got toxic and the stress from work her family me and me not working she was crashing out she would spazz on everyone and i dont blame her looking back she was just going though alot. We started cursing eachother out really bad and even got physical. Not fists punch or slaps just grabbing eachother , breaking stuff, throwing stuff out, breaking property. Anyways for her birthday we went to paris (February 2024) and it was great till we argued (i really shouldn’t have gone cause i got a job in February the whole month and first month on the job i requested a week off already and i lied saying it was something else but it was really this trip i had) anyways after this trip she someway somehow forced me to quit my job because i was out from 6am-7pm everyday monday through Friday. March came and dont get me wrong guys my family i am blessed enough that they were sending me little amounts of money here and there to get me through they know i needed to pay rent food etc. march came and someway somehow when she said something to me she slammed the door and walked out so i immediately reacted and then slammed the door open to chase her . I come back the whole door is ripped off the frame . All the hinges ripped off. I ran away like a coward because she kept screaming at me and cursing me out saying you gotta replace it now but i didnt have 1$ to my name and im asking my mom and she is being a bitch on purpose. Long story short that was march 23rd i get arrested 4 days later because of property of destruction and then get out on limited order of protection. We ran into eachother a couple days later and we spoke she invited me over and i lived with her again the whole month of April. Anyways in april im still just relying on my parents at this point because all these jobs im applying for are not in my favor to respond to me (no one hit me back up) . So towards the end of the month literally the Sunday before the 1st of May we get into another heated argument she said you dont do shit around here you a grown ass man this that and that and tbh bro i can show you my cashapp my mother send me like $1500 that month and every time she would send me $100 here or $300 there for food or something she would tell me waste it on weed. (We kinda of had a weed addiction we were wasting $40 a day 7days a week on weed, you do the math) so anyways most of the money my mom is sending me is being spent very inconsiderately and bad . I didnt think much of it cause i thought hey fuck it man im here whatever she wants to make her happy. Anyways fast forward after the argument sunday before may 1st the weekend before may 1st i leave again because it got so crazy i wasn’t trying to spazz out so i walked out and left. Monday she tells me come back ik your mom isnt cooking im not heartless i still wanna be friends with benefits or friends . Whatever she said and also she said i built this bond with you no one knows me like you do. (We lost our virginity to eachother , we literally told eachother our deepest darkest secrets , met eachothers families, did all this together was very intimate) so i went back and as she said we ate we cuddled etc. the next day after work we go out the whole day because her and mom and sister arent on good terms i forgot to mention we lived in a basement and her mother on the 1st floor. The whole month of april they were on bad terms (just walking by eachother not even talking or acknowledging eachother) so we go out the next day after that Tuesday before May 1st. After work we do all that and come back home at 6/7 ish . I havent checked her phone in ages cause i fucked up alot and honestly i kind of had a feeling if i did i was gonna see exactly what i was looking for. Anyways i still did it cause im a stubborn hardheaded motherfucker, and ofc i saw her texting sexual with some guy she told me she was talking as friends on and off for since November. The convo went like him: im dying to find out i just wanna carry you on top of me , her: omg i forget you’re so tall i love it , him: omg i forget you’re so short i love it, her: Stoppppp omg with the emojis, him: plus if you aren’t gonna wear that dress when we go out atleast where it when you invite me over :p , her: lol i guess im small ( she posted a picture in a shirt blouse showing her curves and body and curly hair) , bro i saw this and went back inside from checking her phone in the middle of the road and said is this what you’re doing to me ? Are you serious? She laughed in my face and said well you’re reading it aren’t you? I lost it and spit in her face and called her a nasty you know what just like her sister. How shes just like her sister (her sister fucks any guy to fill her void and to get money/gifts in exchange. (Going back as to why they weren’t on good terms in april her and her sister got into a physical fight because her sister wore her deadstock jordans i got her from 2018 that are now worth $700 and fried them . What blew my mind during the fight was her sister looked and me straight in the eyes that day and said i know alot about you as if she got something on me. That made me wonder alot. Also she called my ex gf a slut which made me think what the fuck) anyways fast forward after i catch her cheating on me she chases me in her underwear for 12 blocks and im toying running around cars with her at that point and i threw her phone on the ground and she ran right past it. Long story short i got arrested and now im facing a felony cause of that and its no contact as of rn till July when this court date happens. I miss the fuck out of her and regardless of anything i wish her the best and miss her dearly . Side note my brother showed me she was what appeared on a date Yesterday

Billboard Hot 100 chart

Position	Title	Artist	▲/▼	Last week	Weeks Charting	Peak
1	Not Like Us	Kendrick Lamar	▲+100	[FRESH]	1	1
2	Million Dollar Baby	Tommy Richman	-	2	2	2
3	Euphoria	Kendrick Lamar	▲+8	11	2	3
4	Fortnight	Taylor Swift Featuring Post Malone	▼-3	1	3	1
5	A Bar Song (Tipsy)	Shaboozey	▼-2	3	4	3
6	Like That	Future, Metro Boomin & Kendrick Lamar	▲+2	8	7	1
7	Family Matters	Drake	▲+94	[FRESH]	1	7
8	Espresso	Sabrina Carpenter	▼-4	4	4	4
9	Beautiful Things	Benson Boone	▼-4	5	16	2
10	Lose Control	Teddy Swims	▼-4	6	39	1
11	Too Sweet	Hozier	▼-4	7	7	1
12	Meet The Grahams	Kendrick Lamar	▲+89	[FRESH]	1	12
13	Saturn	SZA	▼-1	12	11	6
14	We Can't Be Friends (Wait For Your Love)	Ariana Grande	▲+5	19	9	1
15	I Can Do It With A Broken Heart	Taylor Swift	▼-6	9	3	3
16	Down Bad	Taylor Swift	▼-6	10	3	2
17	Push Ups	Drake	-	17	3	17
18	Lovin On Me	Jack Harlow	▼-3	15	26	1
19	Stick Season	Noah Kahan	▲+4	23	32	9
20	I Remember Everything	Zach Bryan Featuring Kacey Musgraves	▲+4	24	37	1
21	Get It Sexyy	Sexyy Red	▲+11	32	8	20
22	Feather	Sabrina Carpenter	▲+7	29	23	21
23	I Like The Way You Kiss Me	Artemas	▲+3	26	7	12
24	Cruel Summer	Taylor Swift	▲+4	28	53	1
25	Greedy	Tate McRae	▲+2	27	34	3
26	Who's Afraid Of Little Old Me?	Taylor Swift	▼-13	13	3	9
27	Type Shit	Future, Metro Boomin, Travis Scott & Playboi Carti	▲+4	31	7	2
28	So Long, London	Taylor Swift	▼-14	14	3	5
29	Yeah Glo!	GloRilla	▲+9	38	13	29
30	But Daddy I Love Him	Taylor Swift	▼-12	18	3	7
31	My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys	Taylor Swift	▼-15	16	3	6
32	Agora Hills	Doja Cat	▲+1	33	33	7
33	Florida!!!	Taylor Swift Featuring Florence + The Machine	▼-13	20	3	8
34	Austin	Dasha	▲+9	43	9	28
35	Guilty As Sin?	Taylor Swift	▼-13	22	3	10
36	Texas Hold 'Em	Beyonce	▼-11	25	13	1
37	Miles On It	Marshmello & Kane Brown	▲+64	[FRESH]	1	37
38	The Tortured Poets Department	Taylor Swift	▼-17	21	3	4
39	End Of Beginning	Djo	-	39	12	11
40	Wanna Be	GloRilla & Megan Thee Stallion	▼-6	34	5	11
41	Whatever She Wants	Bryson Tiller	-	41	12	19
42	Cowgirls	Morgan Wallen Featuring ERNEST	▲+59	--	21	40
43	Redrum	21 Savage	▲+3	46	17	5
44	Never Lose Me	Flo Milli	▲+1	45	21	15
45	Where It Ends	Bailey Zimmerman	▲+5	50	19	32
46	Good Luck, Babe!	Chappell Roan	▲+2	48	5	44
47	Act II: Date @ 8	4Batz Featuring Drake	▲+6	53	18	7
48	Gata Only	FloyyMenor X Cris Mj	▼-4	44	8	27
49	Carnival	¥$: Ye & Ty Dolla $ign Featuring Rich The Kid & Playboi Carti	▼-7	42	13	1
50	Illusion	Dua Lipa	▲+22	72	4	43
51	The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived	Taylor Swift	▼-21	30	3	14
52	Slow It Down	Benson Boone	▲+9	61	7	40
53	loml	Taylor Swift	▼-17	36	3	12
54	Fresh Out The Slammer	Taylor Swift	▼-19	35	3	11
55	Made For Me	Muni Long	▼-1	54	17	20
56	The Alchemy	Taylor Swift	▼-19	37	3	13
57	Wild Ones	Jessie Murph & Jelly Roll	-	57	31	35
58	FE!N	Travis Scott Featuring Playboi Carti	▲+2	60	27	5
59	Obsessed	Olivia Rodrigo	▲+8	67	7	14
60	Wildflowers And Wild Horses	Lainey Wilson	▼-5	55	15	48
61	Get In With Me	BossMan DLow	▲+12	73	14	49
62	imgonnagetyouback	Taylor Swift	▼-13	49	3	26
63	I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)	Taylor Swift	▼-23	40	3	20
64	Bulletproof	Nate Smith	▲+6	70	5	64
65	So High School	Taylor Swift	▼-18	47	3	24
66	Tell Ur Girlfriend	Lay Bankz	▼-8	58	4	58
67	The Black Dog	Taylor Swift	▼-16	51	3	25
68	Back Then Right Now	Tyler Hubbard	▼-3	65	8	62
69	Hell N Back	Bakar Featuring Summer Walker	▼-1	68	5	53
70	Clara Bow	Taylor Swift	▼-18	52	3	21
71	Tucson Too Late	Jordan Davis	▲+20	91	10	71
72	Bandit	Don Toliver	▲+20	92	13	38
73	Mmhmm	BigXthaPlug	▲+6	79	20	63
74	Scared To Start	Michael Marcagi	▲+3	77	12	54
75	Enough (Miami)	Cardi B	▲+6	81	8	9
76	Halfway To Hell	Jelly Roll	▲+7	83	5	76
77	The Prophecy	Taylor Swift	▼-21	56	3	32
78	Cinderella	Future, Metro Boomin & Travis Scott	▼-2	76	7	6
79	Training Season	Dua Lipa	▲+22	--	10	27
80	Wind Up Missin' You	Tucker Wetmore	-	80	6	75
81	How Did It End?	Taylor Swift	▼-19	62	3	35
82	We Ride	Bryan Martin	▲+11	93	5	82
83	Dirt Cheap	Cody Johnson	▲+11	94	3	83
84	Belong Together	Mark Ambor	▲+3	87	2	84
85	Outskirts	Sam Hunt	▲+1	86	9	66
86	Si No Quieres No	Luis R Conriquez x Neton Vega	▲+15	[FRESH]	1	86
87	Tu Name	Fuerza Regida	▼-2	85	12	66
88	thanK you aIMee	Taylor Swift	▼-29	59	3	23
89	The Albatross	Taylor Swift	▼-25	64	3	30
90	23	Chayce Beckham	▼-2	88	19	45
91	Adivino	Myke Towers & Bad Bunny	▼-28	63	2	63
92	Wine Into Whiskey	Tucker Wetmore	▲+4	96	7	77
93	II Most Wanted	Beyonce & Miley Cyrus	▼-4	89	6	6
94	I Hate It Here	Taylor Swift	▼-28	66	3	34
95	Whatsapp (Wassam)	Gunna	▲+6	[FRESH]	1	95
96	Spin You Around (1/24)	Morgan Wallen	▲+2	98	15	24
97	One Of The Girls	The Weeknd, Jennie & Lily Rose Depp	▼-7	90	20	51
98	Let's Go	Key Glock & Young Dolph	▲+2	100	9	59
99	Take Her Home	Kenny Chesney	▲+2	[FRESH]	1	99
100	Chloe Or Sam Or Sophia Or Marcus	Taylor Swift	▼-31	69	3	36

Billboard Global 200 chart (most popular songs globally)

Position	Title	Artist	▲/▼	Last week	Weeks Charting	Peak
1	Not Like Us	Kendrick Lamar	▲+100	[FRESH]	1	1
2	Million Dollar Baby	Tommy Richman	▲+8	10	2	2
3	Espresso	Sabrina Carpenter	▼-1	2	4	2
4	Euphoria	Kendrick Lamar	▲+14	18	2	4
5	A Bar Song (Tipsy)	Shaboozey	▲+1	6	4	5
6	Fortnight	Taylor Swift Featuring Post Malone	▼-5	1	3	1
7	Beautiful Things	Benson Boone	▼-3	4	16	1
8	I Like The Way You Kiss Me	Artemas	▼-5	3	7	2
9	Too Sweet	Hozier	▼-4	5	7	1
10	Gata Only	FloyyMenor X Cris Mj	▼-3	7	13	4

Billboard 200 chart

Position	Title	Artist	Sales	Change	Last week	Weeks Charting
1	The Tortured Poets Department	Taylor Swift	285,505 (51,028 pure)	-36%	1	3
2	Radical Optimism	Dua Lipa	83,814 (52,788 pure)	--	[FRESH]	1
3	One Thing At A Time	Morgan Wallen	71,563 (1,483 pure)	+7%	2	62
4	We Don't Trust You	Future & Metro Boomin	62,293 (188 pure)	+4%	3	7
5	SEVENTEEN Best Album '17 Is Right Here'	SEVENTEEN	54,465 (50,790 pure)	--	[FRESH]	1
6	Vultures 1	¥$: Ye & Ty Dolla $ign	err	err	52	13
7	Dangerous: The Double Album	Morgan Wallen	42,315 (432 pure)	+7%	6	174
8	Cowboy Carter	Beyonce	42,201 (4,928 pure)	-19%	4	6
9	Stick Season	Noah Kahan	40,675 (3,588 pure)	+1%	5	76
10	SOS	SZA	39,353 (1,948 pure)	+3%	9	74

Frequently Asked Questions:
Q: Why is X artist higher than Y artist on the 200 chart, even though X artist sold less?
A: This is because of a discrepancy between Billboard's ranking and the ranking from the website that the sales data is scraped from
Q: Where do you get the sales data from?
A: https://hitsdailydouble.com/sales_plus_streaming
Q: What does "err" mean on the 200 chart?
A: If you are seeing "err", that means that the bot I use to gather chart data couldn't identify sales data for a particular album because of a difference in album naming between Billboard and HitsDailyDouble

About a year ago, I [29 M] was in a toxic relationship with J [29 M]. While there were no serious stakes in it (no kids or messy finances), the relationship and breakup ended up emotionally affecting me in a way I had never really thought possible. I feel guilty because after the relationship I tried to be friends with my ex still, which I now see as a mistake in the context of this relationship, and then after a few months, he blocked me because I didn't respect a boundary he had set about not sending him long messages. He said he didn't feel safe since I "completely ignored" the boundary.
I was devastated, but over the course of the next few months, came to understand a great deal of ways that I feel that I had been abused during the relationship. I felt angrier and angrier, and even though I was seeing a therapist, it eventually boiled over. My ex had blocked me on discord and probably on text, but I went onto an astrology app called Co-Star that he had had me download, and sent a message using it that said something like, "You were an abusive partner, but you can make it right with an apology."
Now, I have no idea if he actually saw the message. It was sent with a weird feature of the app called Chaos Mode that apparently chooses to send the message at some future time, so who knows if it actually ever sent. I don't know if he still has the app, if he unfriended me, or whatnot. But I feel guilty because I enacted exactly the caricature of me that he had created--I hadn't respected his boundaries, and I sent the message anyways.
At the same time, I am still feeling very victimized by the relationship. To give you a sense of the kinds of things that were going on in the relationship, here's a few examples that I currently find a little horrific [Note: this kind of turned into a summary of the relationship after I wrote it]. I'm aware that to heal I should probably not be ruminating about these things, especially if they lead me to boil over and message him, but here you go.
The first time I had sex with him, he slammed the door on me for not being able to finish and said "finish yourself." When I came to bed, I told him I felt shame. He said "good." The next time we had sex, he set a timer for me and said I had to finish within 5 minutes. These were the first times I ever had sex. He was manipulative in bed, telling me he didn't want to perform certain acts because I didn't give him enough praise for them, so that I started exaggerating my pleasure; he blamed me for why certain positions weren't working and was frustrated with how my body worked. On top of this, he admitted at the end of the relationship to having had sex with me around five times after he decided to break up with me (before he did), which just makes me feel a bit icky.
He would put me down in pretty transparently cruel ways. One example was when I exerted myself, he said I sounded like a muppet and that he "didn't want to be dating a muppet." When I offered him a blanket but apologized that it might not have been washed in a while, he called me a baby. He would insult my ability to give complements, asking me to tell him what color his eyes are but then rejecting everything that I gave him, telling me I was bad at complements repeatedly (and saying that it wasn't fair of him because his other exes were artists, so no wonder I was bad). Now, there were times that he was complementary to me--he told me I was hot, good at singing, good at writing, smart--but also times where he would put me down for things I was less good at, like cooking.
He constantly made me feel insecure about my gender. (For context, we are both men, but he was raised as a woman). So he would make pretty sweeping feminist critiques over fairly mundane things, like if I complained when I was sick he would go off about how men are always babies when they are sick and women don't get attention. When I confronted him about some of the things he was saying, telling him that while I wanted him to express these kinds of social problems so that I could be aware and adapt, I was feeling insecure in the relationship--he flipped it around and told me that if I didn't feel loved, he could say "I love you" less, and that I hadn't been grateful enough for when he came to visit me. (I had written him poetry, deep cleaned my apartment, taken time off work, sent my roommate off for the week, bought him a bus pass, planned his visit, met him in the airport despite not having a car, and just an insane amount of work to be turned into, "you weren't grateful enough").
Other than namecalling, he was just plain controlling. The reason that the boundary around me not sending long messages exists is that when I felt insecure--which I think makes sense given the ways he would talk to me--I would often send him a few paragraphs apologizing and explaining how I was growing. Even though long messages were the first thing he said he loved about me, and that he said our communication was like magic, he eventually set up what he called an "Essay embargo" and told me not to write them. The first time he set the "embargo", he had said it was only until we met in person because he didn't want me to write anything that would make him nervous. After we met in person, I assumed the embargo had lifted. Yet shortly after, he set it again, giving a few explanations--the main one just being that he wanted to appreciate our relationship without overthinking it. It seemed playful. He definitely did also say that long messages made him uncomfortable because he felt obligated to send a response. So, when I did send messages, I would add that he didn't have to respond (which I realize is not fully respecting the boundary). I did ask after sending messages whether they were ok and he never responded to those questions.
Despite this, there were times during the relationship that I continued to send long, often apologetic messages. I had felt like this boundary was set playfully and I also was feeling overwhelming guilt that I, for whatever reason, needed his affirmation for. I am conflicted because on the one hand, I was definitely ignoring his boundary--but on the other, I feel like the boundary was not very thoughtful of my own needs, either.
Prior to the breakup, it was hell. He was getting angry at me for everything--for pretty mundane things like using the bathroom before him and stinking it up. He told me he had to show me how to do everything, but I realize now that a lot of this was just him being particular (e.g, he told me I don't know how to drink tea because I left the bag in, when I just like it strong). Unfortunately, I had flown 5,000 miles to visit him and was sort of trapped in his proximity, and was drunk on love still since I was trying very hard, it was my first relationship, and he had sold me on notions of fairytale romance and told me we were cosmically meant to be together and other lovebomby sort of things. We flew to a convention and I met some of his friends, and at one point he introduced me to a girl he had almost dated before, saying I was a friend and not a partner. I pointed this out to him later and he just said "does that make you angry?". He flirted with a woman at a party, telling her she was pretty while demanding that i bring him snacks (I feel so, so weak for not confronting him about this). He got drunk and I stayed with him as he passed out, but he was angry at me in the morning. When one of his friends told me they thought I was nice, because i was opening doors for everyone, my ex said "Is he really?" Questioning them.
The breakup itself was cold and calculated. He started it by telling me that he thought about not giving me any reasons for the breakup because I always overanalyze things. He told me he wouldn't have broken up with me if I was a woman. He told me I didn't take care of him and he needs a partner that takes care of him, and that his partners always feel taken care of. He threw some things I had said at the beginning of the relationship back at me--misquoting and misunderstanding them.
After the relationship, I had no idea what to think. It was my first relationship. It had started with fairytale romance. I had been passing his tests, I had been an exception to his long string of abusive relationships. He presented himself as this incredibly moral person (vegan, environmentally conscious, telling me of all of the ways others had abused him that he would never do, even his closest friends). I had completely internalized criticisms that he had had of me throughout the relationship, many of which had led to serious self reflection and my writing messages about my growth. Within a week I told him I still loved him and that I always would. He reminded me of his boundary around long messages and said they made him anxious. I was desperate. We took a few weeks of no-contact. We messaged short-messages back and forth, with a few life-updates to eachother each. He told me he was rescuing a kitten that he found, and I remembered how he could be kind.
But as I processed, more and more, I felt angry. I wrote unsent angry letters in the notes app on my phone for a month. I wrote myself a 20,000 word summary of the relationship. This was not a healthy way to process. It elevated me. (Some of you will probably comment that maybe I shouldn't have written this post for the same reason, but oh well--I wanted to process and I want to hear if others have similar stories). Meanwhile, my ex kept pushing back the date for when we would verbally connect again. Eventually, I boiled over. I did not insult him. But I wrote a long message explaining that I wanted to take 3 months of no-contact. I had entered another relationship and told him that even though I was feeling angry at him, he shouldn't be worried because even though I had baggage from the relationship, I was communicating well with my new partner. I also told him that I felt like if I did talk with him, that I would end up tearing him a new one, and that I needed time to cool down. I'm not proud of the message in general, but I didn't call names, tell him he was awful, or anything like that. I was just insensitive and told him I was angry.
And like that, I was blocked. It was over. A period of about 9 months, five of which we were together, with two before escalating towards love bombing and two after escalating towards my boiling over.
And yet, I had never expressed to him that I thought he had been abusive. I felt frustrated that I had told him that I would always love him, when in many ways now I hated him.
Five months passed, during which I came to realize more and more how messed up the relationship was.
And then I sent the message on Co-star.
Fast forward another four months to now.
I just sent him a text, knowing he probably has blocked me there too. It said something like, "I want my last message to you just be: I'm sorry, and I forgive you." I wanted to free myself. I needed to not feel angry at him or ashamed of myself. I needed to not feel like I had a million things to say to him--I needed to just say, this is it: I'm not sending more messages. I'm sorry, and I forgive you. It was for myself. I was forgiving him selfishly, even though he didn't deserve it, so that I could move on.
I feel like I shouldn't have sent this, but I don't feel bad about it yet, either. I needed closure. It always felt like there was some "message I could send" to detail his abuse, and I needed to not have that standing over me--I needed to forgive. I am now oscillating between wondering about myself--whether I have a problem with boundaries, since I had boiled over at this point three times to message him. Feeling frustrated I didn't assert myself about his abuse, that I doubled down on loving him. Part of me is glad that I sent the message on Co-Star saying that he was abusive, because it was the only indication I ever gave him, really, that what he did wasn't ok to me--he had blocked me before I could articulate anything. But I also know that this message even if received would not mean anything to him.
Anyways, now I'm venting about it here on Reddit. Does anyone have similar experiences surrounding self control messaging exes and feeling a bit out of control?

Prologue

Hello and welcome to my post. I will subdivide this into two large parts. One will cover my thoughts, feelings, my hopes and dreams...While the other will tell you the specifics of how I pass the time, what topics interest me, what passions do I posses. I believe that at the end of this leap into my inner world, you dear reader, will have all the necessary information to judge whether we are compatible or not.

Part I
I am writing this in the hopes of finding something that I lack. Lately I have had this feeling, this tinge of melancholy within the dephts of my being, this yearning to find a kindred spirit, another Soul, much like mine, to form a bond with. Perhaps Loneliness is the right word for what is bothering me, but to use it seems to carry with it a connotation of ungratefulness. Ungratefulness for the people that I do have in my life, although none of them, of course, have the connection to me that I seek here.

I have found it increasingly necessary to seek in this Life a sort of purity of thought. What I mean is, I have began to undestand what ideas and concepts are ultimately compatible with my inner most Self, ergo what guidelines I have to follow to feel the most whole. Naturally I have likewise realised what I cannot add to my Self and what I will henceforth reject with all the power that I posses.

With this new context in mind, I now follow on the path of self improvement. I will now begin to mold my Self into my perfected idea of how the Self should be. This is certainly a significant undertaking, one that will not be easy to follow through on but one that I ultimately have to do. To me such context is essential. It is akin to a Guiding Star shining in the night. I will follow this Star for without it I am lost in the vast Darkness.

Looking back at my life, it was suboptimal, especially if one compares the way it molded me to how I will now mold myself. I suppose I must look on with a hint of regret at all that time which one might consider to be lost. Still... I try to stave off such decisively negative interpretations, after all, I have ultimately came to these conclusions. That means that somewhere along the line I had to have picked up on enough of such ideas for them to become so cemented in my consciousness. Well, either that or I was always like this, but in that case I can at least thank my life up to this point for not being able to supress such manifestations of my inner most Self.

To add to the topic of my life, I must admit that not all the battles have yet been won, not all the Demons vanquished, not every Mountain climbed. I want you to keep such things in mind when deciding whether or not to approach me. Many will shy away, I undestand that much, but the pursuit of true Companionship is just another such battle. Having said all that I do believe that being able to overcome hurdles together carries with it a certain appeal. That is to say, what's the fun in joining once the Game is already over?

I don't shy away from such challenges, perhaps to a fault. Certain troubles that I faced in the past carry with them a long shadow over my current health and well being. Still, I intend to change little in this regard other than the proficiency with which I will clash the current of my Will against the cliffs of Life.
Part II
In this part of my post I will tell you about my interests and hobbies, I will try to be thorough, commonality in this regard is rather important to build a relationship
History. I have had an interest in history for almost a decade now, it started back in school and developed from there. Well, now that I think about it one could argue that it started even earlier in my life as I liked watching the odd historic documentary or film aired on television but it wasn't regular back then, I never actively sought it out. I am mostly interested in European history in the period between the 18th-20th century but I sometimes branch out to other time periods and other parts of the world. I watch various channels related to history and read articles and sometimes books. I have recently got a few books on the German revolution of 1848/1849 and a historical magazine on the Thirty Years' War. Besides that I try to visit museums sometimes.
Literature. Especially old novels. I like to immerse myself in the Worlds of these books, I tend to read them while listening to thematically fitting music and take my time with them. One time you are following a troubled Youth in his quest for spiritual understanding of the world, another you see the aged and decrepit Doctor gambling his very Soul on the promises of abtaining satisfaction in earthy pleasures, then again your olfaction notices the most pleasant scent known to man even as the one eminating it has the appearance of a revolting Frog. These and many other stories open up to you once you decide to set foot into the literary World.
Languages. I know three, with one being a bit rusty. I am currently working intently on strengthening it. I believe that if I continue to apply myself in this regard then I should be able to finally conquer it. What language am I working on? Well, if you were to stack all the major works in it they would be as tall as a house... It is fun to go through different works in multiple languages, the same goes for film, games and such.
Games. I recently played Cyberpunk 2077. Well as recently as I played any major story centric game. Now that the dust has settled and the bugs mostly removed...It's not that bad. The main questline at least. Besides that I tried Fallout 76 (Very average, I'm dissapointed with what they made the "RPG" system) and I might give Deus Ex Manking Divided another spin (since it's somewhat similar to Cyberpunk when it comes to its aesthetics). Dark Souls is one of my favorite series, I still haven't beaten Elden Ring though. When it came out I wasn't in the right mindset to invest a hundred hours into it, with all those bosses and difficult locations. I think I'll only consider playing it if I am streaming it to someone. I am generally interested in either streaming games or having the person I am talking to stream them to me. To be specific I mean streaming to a single person while being on call. Besides that I'm a big fan of Paradox strategy games, especially Europa Universalis IV and Heats of Iron IV, I tend to only play single player since I find multiplayer with many people to be rather stressful but on the other hand I have nothing against a co-op game. I'm not the best player though, despite the ammount of hours I have in them. Another great game I would mention would be Dragon's Dogma. A very underrated RPG. I recently beat it again and it was an atmospheric and interesting experience. It is one of those games that feel like they have an endless ammount of depth and constant new secrets to discover.
Anime and Manga. In recent times my interest in them has waned but I still watch the occasional series here and there. Like Cyberpunk Edgerunners (Which I found to be rather mediocre) and the very good first season from the new arc of Bleach. Some of my favourite series include: Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood, Death Note, Fate;Zero, Psycho Pass, Code Geass and Attack on Titan. I wouldn't mind if you were to introduce me to some new series, maybe based on the ones I mentioned. My favourite Manga is Berserk which I still follow, althought I am still not certain on the direction that the new author is taking. I suppose it really is a matter of contention whether a somewhat (or considerably warped) vision is better than an unfinished work. One could argue that a few novels remain unfinished and possess a macabre appeal to them as such.
Music. Classical music has a very special place in my heart. A few of my favourite pieces would be: Clair de Lune, Nocturne Op. 9 No.2, Devil's Trill Sonata, Danse Macabre, Valse Sentimentale, Symphony No. 7 in A Major, Op. 92: II. Alegreto (by Beethoven) and Suite from Swan Lake, Op. 20a: I. Scene. Moderato. There are more but these ones always invoke something in me when I listen to them. Besides Classical I also enjoy listening to Synthwave, old Western pop and J-pop, both modern and from the 20th century.
Esotericism. I am interested in things spiritual, mystical, magical and esoteric. I have read religios texts, magical grimoires, introductions to various schools of thought. It is interesting to me.
Epilogue
Hopefully I was able to cast the spotlight upon my inner World in a clear and unequivocal manner. I feel the need to add to the aforementioned that I am rather introverted, which means that I tend to dislike large social gatherings. I managed to condition myself to be able to endure the presense of large groups of people but it isn't something that I would seek out in most cases. Besides that I am neurodivergent and suffer from certain issues with mental health. I have to take medication to keep myself under control. They work well enough but certain days are harder than others. I respect the struggle that others have with mental health but in the context of a relationship I have my limits, no one with BDP for instance. I am also not looking for anything casual. I understand than one cannot demand depth and meaning from a conversation with an absolute stranger, that is akin to trying to build a sand castle right before the waves strike but I ask at least that you enter with a mindset that this might become something of significance. I also do want to say that I am completely Monogamous. My preference? The sickly, pale, intellectual who watches rain droplets slide down the window in Autumn. Lastly, if I enjoy the company of a person I tend to not want to let them go.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post and have a good day. I ask that you send a DM instead of a chat and that you give your thoughts on my title in the opening of your message.
Goodbye...Or perhaps untill we meet again

"hello, new visitor, if you're seeing this you're in the land of the vanished, if you're here it means that no one has thought about you for several months, fear not I wrote a book about my journey, in hopes that it'll help newcomers like you".
It was a tuesday, 6am, my brother Joe, jumped on a plane to Canada.
He was successful, or so I thought.
At the time I expected him to return home in 2-3 months, however this wasn't the case, after 4 months I finally called the cops to report a missing person.
Eventually five months passed and I decided to go searching for him.
After another month I got on a plane to Canada.
"What if he was kidnapped and then brutally mutilated," I thought as my heart raced.
Joe gave me the hotel he was at before he left, this gave me a few clues but it wasn't much, when I arrived I asked the manager if he saw Joe leave the hotel or if he knew about Joe's whereabouts.
"I never saw Joe leave, his room is still empty so you can check it out," the manager said. "What room" I responded. "Room 303, I'll escort you there" the manager said.
The bright lights reflected the hall floors. "Why would this man be following me into Joe's room, what if he killed Joe, what if I'm next" I thought as I began imagining my corpse in a dumpster next to a Denny's somewhere.
After a few minutes of going upstairs I remembered my 5th birthday, that day I learned that all my friends were fake, not a single one came to my birthday, neither did my parents, In fact they didn't even set up the party, Joe set up the entire party, helped me set up invitations for my friends, and was the only person who even bothered to be there.
"Can't believe I forgot about Joe for those five months," I thought as we finally arrived at room 303.
"Ladies first," the manager said.
I became paranoid as I entered the room with the manager behind me.
*Slam.
The door was slammed closed as I investigated the room, not thinking much about it I continued investigating, first I checked the bedroom, I found Joe's phone randomly on the floor.
Then I heard the sound of someone locking. The manager lunged at me with a knife. Adrenaline rushed through my blood stream as I dodged the knife, dashed into the kitchen, and grabbed a knife. The manager suddenly became scared, or at least he looked scared since I also had a knife.
I was able to unlock the door while simultaneously watching him for any sudden movements, my back leaned on the door as I unlocked the door without looking, I'm very lucky the lock didn't require a key from the inside.
I swiftly opened the door and ran downstairs, the manager followed, my legs began shaking uncontrollably. The adrenaline had officially ran out, the manager continued the chase.
"There's cameras up here!!," this one sentence alone made the manager stop what he was doing, go on the floor and start crying knowing he would be exposed for his attempt at killing.
I became very confused, "why was he crying" I wondered. I then realized this was my chance to escape, I escaped that horrid hotel.
"Turn on you stupid thing!!" I yelled at the phone as it refused to turn on due to its lack of battery. I decided to find a hotel where I could charge my phone and rest for a bit.
I couldn't go to this one since the manager almost killed me, luckily for me a hotel wasn't too far away from the other one, a common trend done by many hotel companies.
I rented a room for $70 a day, I had $100 left.
"Did the manager kill Joe, he might've been trying to kill me in order to ensure no one finds his remains," this thought alone had me up the entire night.
I continued my investigation believing there's still a chance that he's alive, I checked Joe's phone in hopes of finding his whereabouts.
I found a few messages on his phone, except a cut off message on bumble. He was messaging a woman named Katelyn. "Maybe he was living with that woman's home" I thought.
After reading enough of the messages I was able to find the woman's address.
On my way there I felt a bit light headed, I clasped onto the ground, all thoughts vanished as I began to fade away.
I woke up with my shirt soaked in water, same with my pants. My feet felt the wet carpet touch my feet as the coldness sunk in.
I was surrounded by darkness, I ventured this darkness in fear, what if I wasn't alone, what if I just feared the dark.
I would soon realize that both of these were true.
My eyes saw a light illuminating in the distance, I dashed towards the light, feeling warmth for the first time being in this place, it felt amazing until I encountered another human being.
"Judging from your number, you must be a newcomer," the man said.
"Follow me" the man added. He refused to elaborate further, I didn't know anything about this place so I reluctantly followed him.
The man gave off a very creepy vibe, he wore a black coat with a yellow stripe on his left sleeve, his sleeve had a hole revealing his or a number, 64 was his number.
"What's your name," I said attempting to strike some conversation, instead of keeping the strange atmosphere. He continued walking without a sound to be heard from him.
A flashback struck me reminding me of the very possible chance that this nameless man could try and kill me.
"It's not like you have a choice" my brain told me as I continued to follow him.
A sudden bright light from the sky hit me. I noticed a village in the direction we were headed.

when i was in like 7th grade and like 12 years old (im 16 now by the way) i dated this girl on and off
and when i say on and off i mean like 5 times in the span of 2 years (2020-2022) in which they broke up with me and then asked me out again 5 times
back then i was stupid and i went back every time bc i thought we were in love
i wont go into detail about the relationship because 1) i have zero care for how i was treated back then anymore, im over it 2) it was a lot and id be here forever even if i did want to talk about it
but to sum it up all of my friends absolutely hated this person and were mad i was dating them and were over the moon when we broke up for good
after a couple months after our last breakup we did what has always happened after we broke up and we formed a friendship again, i went shopping with them and got food with them, car rides with them etc
in 2023 i started dating the most amazing man i could have ever asked for, he has truly been a blessing in my life and has really changed my life for the better, and to top it all off he has really shown me how a healthy relationship should be. He has shown me so much kindness and has gone above and beyond for me and i'm so appreciative of him and all his kindness, he has taught me real love
when me and him started dating i stopped being around this ex

1. because now that i was dating my amazing boyfriend i realized i used to hang around them in some hope they'd show me that temporary love again (i was very blind and easily controlled 👎)
   
2. because now that i had realized this and was finally aware of how awful the situation had been and was now completely over them i realized they have always made me somewhat uncomfortable
   

and 3. who the hell wants to be around there toxic ex?? especially when i'm now in a serious relationship? being around an ex you were long term with is just lowkey weird, if my bf was friends with an ex he was long term with, even if completely over them, i'd be lying if i said it wouldn't weird me out and make me uncomfortable, i respect my partner and he respects me
anyways, my ex hadn't tried to reach out to me since and they honestly haven't crossed my mind in half a year i thought (and hoped) that was the end of the story
TILL RECENTLY my friend group from one of my school activities is also somewhat friends with my ex, and this has never bugged me, but apparently it has bugged my ex strongly.
because half a year later since i stopped talking to this ex apparently they have started complaining to my friend in this shared group about how they • feel excluded when im around • feel i've been ignoring them • and how they believe this is all my boyfriends fault, and that my boyfriend is "controlling" who i talk to
its escalated because they brought it up to my friend again and said they were going to "confront" me about it?????
this kinda happened a couple months ago when they asked this friend if i dating my current boyfriend and trying to get info, but my friend said they should stop being weird.
Now they are back at it worse than before??
why can't they just let me go and leave me alone?
to be perfectly clear my boyfriend is the furthest thing from controlling, and im very offended that my ex is 1) trying to bad mouth him and 2) painting him as controlling and assuming im only destined for toxic manipulative controlling relationships like the one i was in with them
i know im better than that now and i think its wild they believe there has to be some outside force keeping me from talking to them
the reality is it was completely my own decision to stop talk talking to them, and i've been very happy with my decision
my boyfriend doesn't know about the current situation i haven't told him because hearing that someone is painting him to be controlling would break his heart, he is so kind and it's made me absolutely livid that my ex is so immature they have to shit talk my boyfriend to feel better about themselves
but should i tell him? and besides telling him, what do i do about the situation??
do i confront my ex and tell them to get a grip and stop being an obsessive creep? or is that what they want and should i just not ingage in the situation at all
PLEASE help me 🙏🙏☹️

I am not the OOP. The OOP is probably the world's worst manager posting in AskAManager
Concluded as per OOP
Mood Spoiler - immensely satisfying
1 update - Medium
Original - 5th July 2016
Update - 10th February 2022
Editor's Note - As per Alison's wishes, I cannot include her responses.
You can view them on the site via the links.
Comments are also from AskAManager
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My best employee quit on the spot because I wouldn’t let her go to her college graduation
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I manage a team, and part of their jobs is to provide customer support over the phone. Due to a new product launch, we are expected to provide service outside of our normal hours for a time. This includes some of my team coming in on a day our office is normally closed (based on lowest seniority because no one volunteered).
One employee asked to come in two hours after the start time due to her college graduation ceremony being that same day (she was taking night classes part-time in order to earn her degree). I was unable to grant her request because she was the employee with the lowest seniority and we need coverage for that day. I said that if she could find someone to replace her for those two hours, she could start later. She asked her coworkers, but no one was willing to come in on their day off. After she asked around, some people who were not scheduled for the overtime did switch shifts with other people (but not her) and volunteered to take on overtime from others who were scheduled, but these people are friends outside of work, and as long as there is coverage I don’t interfere if people want to give or take overtime of their own accord. (Caveat: I did intervene and switch one person’s end time because they had concert tickets that they had already paid for, but this was a special circumstance because there was cost involved.)
I told this team member that she could not start two hours late and that she would have to skip the ceremony. An hour later, she handed me her work ID and a list of all the times she had worked late/come in early/worked overtime for each and every one of her coworkers. Then she quit on the spot.
I’m a bit upset because she was my best employee by far. Her work was excellent, she never missed a day of work in the six years she worked here, and she was my go-to person for weekends and holidays.
Even though she doesn’t work here any longer, I want to reach out and tell her that quitting without notice because she didn’t get her way isn’t exactly professional. I only want to do this because she was an otherwise great employee, and I don’t want her to derail her career by doing this again and thinking it is okay. She was raised in a few dozen different foster homes and has no living family. She was homeless for a bit after she turned 18 and besides us she doesn’t have anyone in her life that has ever had professional employment. This is the only job she has had. Since she’s never had anyone to teach her professional norms, I want to help her so she doesn’t make the same mistake again. What do you think is the best way for me to do this?
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Comments were not kind to the OOP
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Christopher Tracy
Yup. Her career will be fine. No reasonable hiring manager will hear this story and blame the employee for quitting without notice – what was done to her was really shitty.
Dan E
Conversely, if I was in a position to hire this manager and heard this story I would seriously reconsider. This manager made a very poor decision.
James Chism
Yes, the cost of a college degree is far more and more important than the cost of a concert ticket! Did this manager think that because she was such a good employee he could just railroad her into working and not attending her graduation?
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Update - 6 years later
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This is about me. I know for a fact it is because this exact thing happened to me in that time frame. And I know exactly who it was.
I’d like to tell this person that I have a general idea of the social norms but (redacted — medical conditions) make it impossible to stay on this side of reality very long. I did however get medicated and become a GM myself that would never be a jerk like he was.
And it wasn’t about the graduation. At freaking all. It was so much more than that. It was about having one day that was just mine.
Joke’s on him though. That diploma has gotten me further in life than I would have gotten without.
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Comments
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Unkempt Flatware
I can die happy now. Alison, thank you thank you thank you! This was by far the best letter and answer I have ever read and the question that got me hooked on this blog. I still need to know about the boss’s progress through life all these years.
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I’m screaming inside too
Same here – it’s these bright spots that give me hope for our collective good! It’s especially heartening to know that the updating LW has made it her goal never to be a terrible manager like the fool who fired her. LW, I wish you all the best.
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I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

This happened a while ago, but I’d love y’all’s feedback. I (18m) and my girlfriend (20f) went to visit a friend of ours from HS. Penny (22f) went to school a few states away in their capital and was staying for a summer term. She had a break before it began, no money to go anywhere, no friends left in town and wanted us to drive out to keep her company. We saved up some money, borrowed a car and drove 10 1/2 hours to get there. She was all excited to see us and said that she was taking us to a show that night at a club for driving all the way there. She said that we’d go dancing, so we brought one casual outfit to dance in, but she said it’d be fine for going to a show. She then told us that she couldn’t afford to feed us at all, so we were going to her grocery store to buy our food. She took us to the fanciest and most expensive food store that I have ever been in, even to this day. We got what we could afford and returned home kinda worn out by then, but she insisted we had to go to this show to that night. So she took us- and made us pay for the tickets ourselves. Apparently she thought that taking someone to a show was reserving tickets for them to pay for and Physically Taking Them To The Show. We were quite tired by the time the show ended kind of late that night and we had fun, but looked forward to bed. When we finally got home, she pulled out a big bottle of rum and magazines that she’d bought at the store and told us that we were going to make an anonymous threat letter to our old boss at a big box store we’d all worked at. She poured herself a drink and got to work looking for letters as we tried to stay awake. We weren’t offered any rum, or even water to drink while she got drunk over the TWO HOURS she spent threatening old Mr Carter. When she was finally done, Penny announced that we were all going to bed- and that her house rules were that me and my girlfriend were forbidden from having sex in her home. She went on and said she’d be able to hear it, that somehow she would be able to tell and that wasn’t something that grownups did - she simply wouldn’t stand for it and she would throw us out right away. With that she marched off to bed. We were both pretty shocked and I was just mad, not because we couldn’t sleep together but because she was ordering us around and would throw us out in the middle of the night. Mostly we were both offended because we weren’t the kind of people who would be tacky enough to obviously and intentionally have sex in a small apartment when we weren’t by ourselves.
Well, the rest of the time we had fun, believe it or not. I guess I’d forgotten how bossy Penny was, and Sam (my gf) was always deferential to her and she fell back in to that pretty fast, although it wasn’t sitting too well with her anymore and I was glad about that. This brings us to the end of the trip and our falling out: Sam and I were running out of money. We’d gone to a bunch of places, eating and drinking and shopping and had been pretty open and loud about our shrinking bankroll. We had enough for the gas to go home and an emergency fund which we weren’t going to use because we were responsible and realistic with money. Beyond that we had maybe $$25 for food or whatever on our way home. So it came as a shock when Sam came and told me on our last morning there that we were going out to dinner that night. Penny had told Sam that it was was customary for guests to treat their hosts for all their hospitality and either give them an expensive gift to complement their decor or treat them to a nice meal. Since she was renting, we were taking her out- and she had made the reservation weeks ago. I had never heard of this, but since my parents had no friends and hers didn’t entertain much, we honestly couldn’t say. I resented it from the beginning, because probably more than once a day, Penny had said this this smartass comment about how we should be really happy/thankful about her letting us stay at her place for free instead of having to pay for a hotel. Only, she wasn’t kidding, she meant it. As dinner approached, we realized that we’d have to blow all our money and probably a fair chunk of the emergency fund as well. We were waiting in our club clothes when Penny came out dressed up fancier than I had ever seen her except for senior prom. We both were immediately alarmed and wanted to know exactly where we were going. She said that it was just really the only nice place in town that the kids went to for nice dates, not that it was fancy. Sam asked about her dress and Penny said she just felt like looking nice for a change. Since she was a card carrying tomboy, Sam was sure we were under dressed. We both worked at upscale department stores and had killer wardrobes, so her not telling us that we were going to need a dress outfit was bullshit. On the way, Penny got more and more excited on the way there, telling us about how her friends had all been there and that she hadn’t because she couldn’t afford it. Alarm bells were now ringing in my ears and I was just about to say we shouldn’t go when she said that we’d arrived. She darted into the fanciest French restaurant in that state’s capital! Sam and I looked like Walmart wannabes while Penny flounced up and asked for her reservation. The walls were hung with silk, the chairs were gold leafed, and the prices were . . . I don’t know how to explain it. The menu looked normal on the left side that listed/described the extravagant food, but when I looked at what everything cost? It looked like a price list for diamond rings. Sam and I were stared at each other and quietly began discussing our options. I wanted to leave, just tell Penny that we couldn’t afford it either and that we’d take her somewhere else. Sam would not have that- she said that we’d be fine, spend the emergency money and move on. Penny had to have heard us saying all this, she had put down her menu and was looking at us when we looked up. Sam asked her what she was going to have, since we had realized that our options were based off of what whatever was leftover from her dinner. Surf and turf she said with a smile. The most expensive thing on the menu. Sam insisted that Penny get what she wanted for her dream meal; I insisted that Sam eat a meal, so she got the cheapest sandwich they had. I had a small side salad, Literally the cheapest thing they had. We had just enough for the bill and a miserable tip, which I still feel bad about.
I have probably never been so mad about a person doing something that they knew was wrong and did it anyway because they knew that they would get away with. I was done. That was it for me and Penny. I’m not able to hide my feelings about people who behave like this and she knew that I was angry. She felt that she had every right to be taken out to dinner and get whatever she wanted (I forgot to add that she purposely got the most expensive meal that was meant for 2 so she’d have food for days) and that I was being a bad guest for making her feel uncomfortable about it. She got all snarky about it towards me afterwards- like I cared- but it made trouble for Sam. It also probably made me and Sam end our 4 year relationship, too, or at least it started it. Which was a shame, really, but maybe for the best.
I still think that since she didn’t do anything for us- LITERALLY NOTHING- that we didn’t owe her shit. If she had fed us, at least once, given us something to drink, besides tap water, paid for our show tix, bought us drinks when we were out, Anything besides letting us sleep on her floor, which she kept making such a big deal about- saving us the price of a hotel. Well, we wouldn’t have needed a hotel if she hadn’t been so lonely and begged us to drive 21 hours and spend tons of money to amuse her. Yes we enjoyed it, but we would have had fun by ourselves at home with our friends, without repercussions for borrowing a car and would have had all that money to spend on things at home.

Helena Pederson had few people knock on the door to her cabin. A life ostracized from her community left her with mostly her chickens and sheep and her dog for company, though there were several friendships that sustained themselves despite her exile. She grew food in her garden but also traded, her chickens giving her more eggs than she needed and her sheep growing wool she used to knit.
The knock that came at night drew her out of a reverie, having been sitting on her couch, sipping a cup of tea she’d just brewed. Her dog Grant lifted his head in curiosity, but didn’t bark, accustomed to knocks and not interested in wasting energy at his older age. Hesitating, Helena put the cup down in its saucer and stood, her socks still on to keep her toes warm against the chill of her hardwood floors. She went to the door, opening it wide.
She stared. “Marius,” she finally managed.
The king stood before her in clothing that made it almost difficult to recognize him. Whether it was the beautiful robes he wore for ceremonies or impeccably sewn clothes for day-to-day life, he always appeared as a king should. But now he was draped in a shabby, worn cloak that covered whatever he wore beneath. She saw his horse nearby, tied to a post, but he was alone, not accompanied by so much as a single guard.
“Helena,” he answered softly. “May I come in?”
Pursing her lips, she paused tersely for a long moment before she moved aside. Marius pulled back the hood of his cloak and stepped inside as Grant trotted over to take in his scent. The unfamiliar presence in the dog’s home made him wary, but the demeanor of his master and her permitting his entrance kept the dog from so much as growling.
Helena shut the door and walked over to the kitchen area. “You still take your tea the same?”
“I do.”
Marius sat on the couch and Grant plodded back over to his bed, laying down on it but keeping his head up and aware. The seconds ticked by slowly as Helena poured the still boiling hot water into another cup. She prepared it as she remembered, down to the exact size of the splash of milk, bringing it over on a saucer.
Marius nodded once in thanks and blew on it before taking a careful sip. Helena took a seat in the handcrafted wooden chair adjacent to the couch rather than beside the king, dismissing her own cup of tea, letting it cool, forgotten. “What’s happened?”
The king paused, taking another sip of tea that Helena knew was still hot enough to burn his tongue. “The battle at Hempstead. We lost…too many men. The situation is declining sharply, and the Empire threatens to overtake the kingdom.”
Helena took in and let out a deep breath, silently. She shook her head. “I know you’ve worked hard to protect this kingdom, and you’ll do what’s best. You always do.”
Marius raised his gaze to meet hers. “Always?”
Helena’s face tightened into a glare. No. Not always. “That doesn’t tell me anything,” she said. “What in God’s name would bring you to my door?”
“Desperation,” he confessed. He took another sip of the tea. “The Empire brings subjugation. They rule with an iron fist and many will die just in their invasion alone. And of course, many men will be conscripted.”
“Are you here to…complain?” Helena asked, leaning back in her chair, confusion thick in her tone.
Marius sighed. “No, Helena, I’m here…” He paused heavily before he met her gaze, with some effort, she noticed. “I’m here to ask for your help.”
Helena stared for a long moment before her confusion turned to shock. “You…” She swallowed hard. “Help.”
The king placed the tea down on the saucer on the table in front of him. “These are my people,” he whispered. “And they will suffer, and there is nothing I can do but watch as it happens. They deserve better.”
“And I didn’t?” she asked, a vice gripping her heart as she felt emotion swell up inside her. “You come asking for help? Your nerve, your arrogance, is unmatched. Besides which, what would you have me do?”
“I need an army that will not fall from an arrow or a sword, and army that feels no pain, that follows orders just as my men do,” he told her. He visibly forced the words out and Helena’s expression descended further into disbelief as he spoke each one. “We have thousands of dead soldiers. Helena, I am more desperate than I’ve ever been because I know what is coming for my citizens and I am afraid.”
Helena’s face twitched in disgust. “I told you,” she whispered, “that I only ever did this for those mourning a loss. For a last goodbye, for a grieving widow or parent or child. And now you come here to ask me to use my skills to raise you an army?”
“I’ve no right.”
“You don’t.” She swallowed hard against the lump in her throat and regulated her breathing, refusing to allow herself to descend into tears. “I’m an exile, Marius. Because of you. What makes you think I would even consider doing this?”
“Because you’re a good person,” he said quietly. Helena’s eyes narrowed in anger. “You broke the law, repeatedly and with no remorse. It forced my hand, you must know that-”
“You are king,” she said. “Nothing forces your hand.”
Marius fell silent for a long moment. “I know I’ve not seen you for many years, but I still care for your well-being. I still have love for you. I’m not sure if that changes anything here, if it’s even relevant, but I wanted to say it, nonetheless. You’re still my sister.”
Helena’s expression slid into a wearied resignation. “Is that meant to sway my response here? This is an affront to everything I’ve ever tried to do with my necromancy.”
“It’s simply the truth.”
They lapsed into a long silence. “What makes you think I could even wield such power? Over so many at once?”
“You would have support,” he answered. “I’ve come to you first, but if you agree to help, there are other witches who would support you with their power. And the battle won’t be lengthy. It can’t be. We need a show of strength that turns the tides, that reveals we will not be conquered as easily as those who’ve fallen in their path so far.”
Helena slowly leaned back in his chair. “They could try the same thing, you know,” she muttered. “They surely have the same intolerance for my kind of magic, but they will find other necromancers among their people if they truly must. Where will you be then? Your soldiers will be pulled back to their decaying, bloody bodies, forced into battle until they can no longer stand, until their spirits untether from this realm because there is nothing left to hold to. The Empire will be the same. All soldiers will fall and even their corpses will become useless, falling to the ground as desecrated shells. What then?”
“I don’t know,” Marius said softly. “I only know that I need to try. I promised that I would try everything to keep our kingdom, to keep their families, safe. And I intent to keep that promise. To try everything.”
Helena’s gaze slid over to her now chilly cup of tea, a part of her wishing she had ignored that knock at the door. She folded her arms around her tightly, emotions she couldn’t describe roiling inside her, trying to hold tight to the life she’d had ten minutes ago. A life that was simple and, in a way, quite sad, but it was enviable from the position she found herself in now.
“How can I say no?” she whispered. Helena met her brother’s eyes, seeing in them a mixture of relief and utter despair. “I’m an outcast of the highest order save for a special few of my oldest friends, but they are still my people. I remember my home in the village, the children who would play in the streets, their parents doing their best to support their families and to simply…live their lives. I couldn’t leave them to be trampled underfoot in a war that is determined to arrive at their doorstep.
“And I hate you for it,” she continued, her gaze thick with a burden of emotion. “I will always hate you for it.”
“That is something I am willing to live with, and I’d expected nothing less,” he said.
Helena pushed herself to her feet. “I’m determined to have one last cup of tea. Then I’ll need someone to look after my animals. You can send word to Kasper Friis; he’d be willing. And then…” She let out an exhausted sigh. “Then…we prepare for battle.”
***
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So I had the intention of writing this for some time. I will give a brief rundown of my relationship to Wikipedia, but that is not necessary for the main point of my opinion.
The main point is that while Wikipedia has a quantitative superiority, qualitatively Encyclopedia Britannica is superior. The specific trigger that motivated me to write this was when I was looking up articles on Johannes Gutenberg.
https://www.britannica.com/biography/Johannes-Gutenberg
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johannes_Gutenberg
I will not delve on the specific qualities of clarity and intention behind the writing in the Britannica article as compared to Wikipedia's, but I think it is evident if one reads the Wikipedia one first and the Britannica after.
It so much more tailored for what a 'reader' expects to get from the text. Wikipedia seems to be not written with a conception of what the readers 'must get'. It is made up of bland information. It doesn't try to touch the reader, it is lifeless. Reading the Wikipedia's article, the aspects of the story, of the biography, don't stick in the mind. Just blobs of timid reporting, holding hands with the reference latched to it.
When you read it, even the most 'well written' ones, with gold or silver stars and so on, it seems nothing gets through seamlessly.
This probably stems from not giving authority to an authoritative authoeditor to make their decision on what to leave out and what to put in. The article referenced was written by a specific man Hellmut E. Lehmann-Haupt and by the editors of Encyclopaedia Britannica. So the Wikipedia editor may feel like it's too much work to 'encroach' in other contribuitions and remake the whole text to be more 'proper'.
I also wanted to write this, because there is a pervasive good will towards Wikipedia everywhere, specially on the internet. Searching on this subreddit, I couldn't find any similar opinion. Except from more academic proficient folk, I almost hear no suspicion, scepticism or hesitation towards Wikipedia on these levels (quality of writing/quality of knowledge/quality of what makes a good encyclopedia article).
Now with that out of the way, my relationship with Wikipedia, which is not required reading. First, I was positive towards it, in my teens. I read a blogger which had good opinions about it. In his youth he would say he looked with glowing eyes to the Barsa encyclopedia. And when Wikipedia arrived, with its aura of freedom of information and thought of the new internet, he liked it. He liked the way it functioned, with a peer network anyone could participate to deliberate on what should be done, what policies should exist and when it should be enforced in this or that way. Politically, he made metaphors on how politics could work more like that, with direct democracy being a possible horizon to go towards.
So I used Wikipedia in this period, until the next epoch of my attitude towards Wikipedia, in this naive way. Not looking up the sources, just reading the summary phrases in the article; not realizing what sources were allowed or not (and the implication this has on a correct assessment, to reach the truth). But I did read some discussions between editors in some articles.
Amusing disputes, where policies were cited left and right and long discussions followed on the correct application of said policies. A little bit of cynicism started to be picked up by me, regarding who won the disputes and how and why.
Anyway, my second contact with differing inclinations towards Wikipedia was brought by Nathan Rich, by some videos of his on his Youtube channel. In some videos, he shows the bias of The New York Times, and of Wikipedia, all regarding China. This made it patent to me that media can be biased, in subtle ways, which when you are properly on the know (with the 'They Live' glasses on your nose) in very unsubtle and laughable ways.
The disputes on Wikipedia could be won if a relentless enough editor kept at it, almost like a lawyer; or better, similar to how a judge can, in weighting the interests and rights of opposing parties, sway either way according with its moral/ideological inclinations.
This view of judges grew out of watching American contract law lectures by Yale University, available on Youtube, which gave me a sense on how there is a lot of gray area in deciding the 'common good'. And lectures and books by Ian Shapiro, also from Yale and available on Youtube, which showed me a biased judge which subtly had defended a member of the capitalist class, using legal justification which passes as good enough for the system, despite being arguably not in accordance with the law, according with Shapiro's judgment.
Anyway, the next epoch of big blocks of views I was exposed to, was from the Youtube videos of BadEmpanada ('The Holodomor Genocide Question: How Wikipedia Lies to You' by BadEmpanada). He showed also how Wikipedia articles can be biased. They almost certainly are regarding political matters, where there is concentrated interest in swaying public opinion and forming a status quo of consent and hovering consensus. The references allowed, western 'free press', are heavily biased. Noam Chomsky and the other guy's Manufacturing of Consent became clear in my mind. There was no free press. Journalism wasn't a glamorous endeavor, with the pen of justice and truth as its symbol. It is a clown show, for the most part.
BadEmpanada showed the efforts put in bot farms and manual troll farms to create a specific consensus of what is and is not common sense (I did not find the video now). In particular, the efforts of the country of [You may not have "" in your post body.] (now I think I may have that word in the post; the country is Israel), also on Wikipedia if I am not incorrect. Creating task forces to 'litigate' on the Talk section.
Another contact was with the video 'How Wikipedia Got Ex Machina (2014) Wrong' by Shaun. The author has a positive outlook towards Wikipedia, but points out another fault in qualitative quality of the writing. There is also a right wing (libertarian) channel with a video criticizing Wikipedia, which is the only video I agree after watching a couple of his later.
More recently, yesterday, I entered another epoch. 'Wikipedia Donations Exposed. The Truth.' by Logically Answered, put Nupedia vs Wikipedia on the spotlight, and it makes it clear Wikipedia only 'won' because of numeric advantage, outputting more articles. That Wikipedia has articles other Encyclopedias don't have, well ok; that is not my point, good for Wikipedia I guess. And Wikipedia shennanigans on how it asks for money, and how the money is not spent to improve the aspects of the quality of writing, just adds to all this unpopular opinion.
In conclusion, wikipedia is too highly regarded, with at most some criticism about how it is not a 'source' in itself, but none about the qualities which make an encyclopedia article good as an encyclopedia article. The criticism seems to rest mostly on the bias regarding political/social articles, and how one should approach the references. But there is a general sense that despite that, with the right approach, it is a good resource to learn about a subject. My disagreement is regarding that; as a learning tool, it is often ignored how lacking in intention the writing is. Sometimes I read some paragraphs, and nothing is apprehended truly. If you pick the first reference of a Wikipedia article, often used in the first paragraph to define the subject of the Wikipedia article, and compare that unobstructed definition with the Wikipedia's introduction/definition, the difference is stark. One coldly 'informs' and the other richly entails meaning and comprehension.

when i was in like 7th grade and like 12 years old (im 16 now by the way) i dated this girl on and off
and when i say on and off i mean like 5 times in the span of 2 years (2020-2022) in which they broke up with me and then asked me out again 5 times
back then i was stupid and i went back every time bc i thought we were in love
i wont go into detail about the relationship because 1) i have zero care for how i was treated back then anymore, im over it 2) it was a lot and id be here forever even if i did want to talk about it
but to sum it up all of my friends absolutely hated this person and were mad i was dating them and were over the moon when we broke up for good
after a couple months after our last breakup we did what has always happened and we formed a friendship again, i went shopping with them and got food with them, car rides with them etc
in 2023 i started dating the most amazing man i could have ever asked for, he has truly been a blessing in my life and has really changed my life for the better, and to top it all off he has really shown me how a healthy relationship should be. He has shown me so much kindness and has gone above and beyond for me and i'm so appreciative of him and all his kindness
when me and him started dating i stopped being around this ex

1. because now that i was dating my amazing boyfriend i realized i used to hang around them in some hope they'd show me that temporary love again (i was very blind and manipulated 👎)
   
2. because now that i had realized this and was finally aware of how awful the situation had been and was now completely over them i realized they have always made me somewhat uncomfortable
   

and 3. who the hell wants to be around there toxic ex?? especially when i’m now in a serious relationship? being around an ex you were long term with is just lowkey weird, if my bf was friends with an ex he was long term with, even if completely over them, i’d be lying if i said it wouldn’t weird me out and make me uncomfortable
anyways, my ex hadn't tried to reach out to me since and they honestly haven't crossed my mind in half a year i thought (and hoped) that was the end of the story
TILL RECENTLY my friend group from one of my school activities is also somewhat friends with my ex, and this has never bugged me, but apparently it has bugged my ex strongly.
because half a year later since i stopped talking to this ex apparently they have started complaining to my friend in this shared group about how they • feel excluded when im around • feel i've been ignoring them • and how they believe this is all my boyfriends fault, and that my boyfriend is "controlling" who i talk to
it escalated because they brought it up to my friend again and said they were going to "confront" me about it?????
this kinda happened a couple months ago when they asked this friend if i dating my boyfriend and trying to get info, but my friend said they should stop being weird. Now they are back at it worse than before??
why can't they just let me go and leave me alone
to be perfectly clear my boyfriend is the furthest thing from controlling, and im very offended that my ex is 1) trying to bad mouth him and 2) painting him as controlling and assuming im only destined for toxic manipulative controlling relationships like the one i was in with them
i know im better than that now and i think its wild they believe there has to be some outside force keeping me from talking to them
the reality is it was completely my own decision to stop talk talking to them, and i’ve been very happy with my decision
my boyfriend doesn’t know about the current situation
i haven’t told him because hearing that someone is painting him to be controlling would break his heart, he is so kind and it’s made me absolutely livid that my ex is so immature they have to shit talk my boyfriend to feel better about themselves
but should i tell him? and besides telling him, what do i do about the situation??
do i confront my ex and tell them to get a grip and stop being an obsessive creep? or is that what they want and should i just not ingage in the situation
PLEASE help me 🙏🙏

I know some people asked for an update so here it is
Original post is on my profile
So it’s been a week since my post and not much has happened but some things did happen. For starters I decided to stay NC with my dad and his family for the foreseeable future. I ended up having to see my dad and my step mom the following day due to an unforeseen and unfortunate event that happened to one of my relatives. I stayed completely clear of them and did not say a word to them and no eye contact either, One of my relatives made it a point to stay with me the whole time because they knew of the situation and didn’t know if they would try to do something. My step mom noticed what my relative was doing for me and she made it an obvious point to roll her eyes at me, i didn’t react at all. the way I saw it was, if she wants to be distasteful at an unfortunate event for one of my relatives she can go right ahead she can make herself look bad, but I wasn’t going to disrespect to that relative and the rest of my family.
I spoke with more of my family and in their words they were “shocked” “speechless” “disgusted” and “appalled”. They agreed with me standing up for my son and completely understand why I am going NC with my dad. I found out that none of my immediate family knew and they were confused at first why my dad didn’t tell them but they realized it was because my dad and step knew they were going to be ripped a new one.
Now some of my family is divided about the my decision to stay completely NC with them. They all agree that what I did was right and applaud me for no longer being a push over(I did see in the comments someone said that and unfortunately they weren’t completely wrong). Where the divide is happening is some agree not speaking to them till I’m ready and others believe I don’t need to speak to them outside of family events and invite them to my kids things so they don’t have any ammunition to claim anything about me. I don’t really agree with the rest saying I should talk to them only at family events but they have all stated they will support me in anything I decide to do.
My older brother was trying to meditate(I usually do this for my dad and him) but I made it clear to him that anyone who tries to convince me to forgive/speak to them before I’m ready, then I will be cutting them off as well and will have no problem with that either. My brother did respect that but stated he hopes this blows over.
There was a comment stating that there might have been other things under the surface regarding my dad and they were 110% correct. I have not always had the most healthy of relationships with him and a lot of our problems come from….you guessed it boundaries, treating me like a child and letting his new family including wife walk all over me. I stated these things many times to him but it never changed.
Now some/most may be asking why I didn’t cut him off sooner and the simple answer is…..I didn’t want to basically be an orphan. I don’t have mom and the thought of not having her breaks my heart because she truly was my best friend but typing it out now just makes me sound incredibly dumb and selfish(towards my children). The unfortunate thing is my dad had our issues but we could get over them and he would always stick up for my kids if something happened. When my step mom came around that all changed.
Through this time I have been going into my mind trying to figure a lot of things between my relationship with him. I’m noticing a lot has been suppressed and I need to think about it one at a time because the other day I ended up breaking down because it felt like everything from my past was coming up all at once.
This is it for now and if there are any updates I’ll be sure to do that!
Thank you everyone for your comments! I read them all and I appreciate it. The ones asking about my son he’s doing fine but has stayed firm he doesn’t want to see any of them. He seemed to be wanting to do/say this for a bit now.

So I (F16) met this guy (M18) he’s from my schools sister schools and we met at a school party a month ago. He asked me for my socials after i complimented his outfit. Him and i are in the same grade and are only one year apart and get along really well, we’ve been texting every single day anywhere between 10 minutes to 2 hour long texting cessions. The best part is we really get along, we have similar music taste, we both do sports, we both have fairly good grades, like similar things, our biggest disagreement was on wether or not spiders or ants were less scary lmao. I don’t really think we fall into friends because we’ve been what I assume to be flirty (asking me if I’m dating anyone, liking my fit checks, hearting pictures we send each other, complimenting our looks and so on) and according to my friends that might fall under being a “situationship”
Well yesterday I texted him fairly late to ask him about his day like I usually do but he didn’t see it until the next morning where he answered telling me he had fallen asleep early last night and then casually told me something fun that happened during his day, I ended up asking him a few hours later when I finally opened his message (I didn’t know what to answer so I just didn’t open my socials that day) I ended up just saying that his day sounded like more fun than I did lmao and then asked “btw, wanna hang out sometimes” which he just answered “yuh, why not”.
I have no clue wether or not this means he actually wants to or if he might just be saying that to be nice, I’m actually really confused (I’m autistic btw) and I’ve just been not opening my phone at all for the last two hours since I don’t know how to react and don’t want to leave him on read. On top of that I can only hang out with friends when I’m at my dads which will be in 11 days and he already told me a week before about another subject that he never made plans until one or three days before when the plans happen and I wouldn’t want to make him uncomfortable by asking him so far beforehand.

1. What his message might mean and what I should answer
2. Wether or not he’s even interested in me
3. And if he is, wether or not I should try to make plans with him

TL;DR a guy I’ve been in a situationship with who I only socialize through text answered to me asking him to hang out with me in what I think is a disinterested way and I don’t know how I’m supposed to answer

Hi everyone, the title is pretty much the core of the issue.
23, male, 180cm, 60kg, white pale complexion, smoker, no previous heart or circulatory condition, previous food-allergy related rashes and epileptic crises during high fevers as a kid (both no longer present).
I have been experiencing this for years now and I can’t seem to find any definitive solution. Not even my doctor could help me so I’m asking here in the hope someone recognises this or has some useful advice.
Long story short sometimes I get out of the shower or bath and as soon as my legs dry a little they start to itch. Itching restlessly and intensely as if someone was pinching me all over them. It usually lasts a few minutes and then progressively calms down, even tho it can last up to half an hour sometimes.
I know it doesn’t sound like much of a problem but I really can’t describe how terrible it feels with words. When it happens I feel helpless and like I could go mad, it’s a very intense sensation, sometimes I even slapped my legs hoping they would stop. Sometimes it starts making me shake
It feels obvious to say it but scratching only makes it worse and prolongs the torture.
On to the weirdness of this: I thought of every possible reason this happens and every possible remedy doesn’t help in the slightest and sometimes makes it worse.
I thought it was a skin sensitivity problem and I only use pharmacy’s shower oil to wash my body, nor do I use exfoliants chemical or physical (I wash myself with my bare hands and nothing more).
I thought it was a dryness problem so I tried multiple hydrating creams all with varying results from no effect to making the situation worse.
I thought it was an oil depletion problem so I applied sweet almond oil (which also should have calming effects on irritations) and it doesn’t do anything.
I thought it was a circulatory problem so I started wearing compression socks as some recommend (I don’t have varicose veins nor anything similar).
What is left on my list of ideas is a peripheral nervous problem and I really want to hope that is not the case.
I can’t see a correlation between the times it happens (as it’s not a regular appointment, thankfully) as it doesn’t matter if I shower or bathe, hot or cold, etc.
The additional useful information that I can tell you is:

• It could have some correlation with shaving: I say could because I don’t shave often, I don’t do it with anything other than an electric razors with spacers anymore and, most importantly, it happened when I hadn’t shaved for months too, although less intensely
  
• It happens consistently every time I bathe in sea water and that is the only time the sensation expands all over my body (when it happens at home my arms itch too sometimes, but way less noticeably than my legs).
  
• There are no visible signs of this, no rashes, not even redness
  
• My mother said she has had this problem all her life but the solution that worked for her was using cleaning products for sensitive skin which, as I mentioned, didn’t do it for me (although it seems to have made it a little less frequent, sea water aside).
  

Please help Thank you for reading this long message

Gotta love it. Our local HCA hospital, which has had a whole host of issues as of late just sent my wife's bill to collections.
Back story:
My wife had a lipoma removal last November. Because of it's location on the back of the neck, they had her do the removal at the hospital. Out patient, was there for... six hours. We have gotten (and paid) bills for the surgeon, the anesthesiologist, the biopsy, pre op medical visit, and a bill for the 'room'. Then a few weeks ago we get another bill for 2700$. But this one doesn't say anywhere what it's for, just a bill from the hospital. So... we called up, and asked for an itemized bill, and followed up with a letter requesting an itemized bill. We don't have an issue paying for it, but we wanted to see what that 2700$ was for. And yet, yesterday, we got a letter from a medical debt collection agency demanding payment in full. We never got an itemized bill. I'll be honest, I'm a little surprised, and I know I shouldn't be. The same hospital tried to charge me 1800$ for a tetanus shot and a butterfly bandage.
(Side story: about 8 years ago I was half asleep trying to make my kids frozen waffles. I grabbed a steak knife to separate the frozen waffles, not my finest decision, and the tip of the knife went straight into my finger. It was 6:30 am, and it wouldn't stop bleeding. My wife insisted we go to the ER. So I went... they wiped it off, gave me a tetanus shot and threw a butterfly bandage on it.. and then told me since my deductible was 1800$ for the ER, the charge was 1800$. BUT... if it paid it right now, it would only be 1700$. I laughed at the woman telling me this, much to her annoyance. At the time I worked for a cardiology group doing IT work for them who did procedures at the same hospital. the medical head saw my finger, asked me what happened. I told him about it and the charge... he shook his head, took out his cell phone made a 3 minute call and bam... all charges gone.)
So what next? I've seen some places where people say you can request an itemized bill from the collection agency, but I've seen others say you can't. I don't work for the cardiology group anymore, so that's not really an option (though I left on good terms) Anyone have any suggestions?

I want to take a moment to list out some of my most challenging problems with Protestantism according to what Scripture says, in no particular order. It is not a comprehensive list of all of the problems that I have with it, but having these answered would go a long way to me taking Protestantism seriously from a theological viewpoint.
We should rely on our own personal interpretation of Scripture
And we have the prophetic word made more sure. You will do well to pay attention to this as to a lamp shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts. ²⁰ First of all you must understand this, that no prophecy of scripture is a matter of one’s own interpretation, ²¹ because no prophecy ever came by the impulse of man, but men moved by the Holy Spirit spoke from God.
Here, Peter is saying PAY ATTENTION TO THE CHURCH!!! Listen to what the apostles are teaching and allow that to form your reading of Scripture. If you read the rest of this chapter, He says that "we" (the apostles) have had given to them, "all things that pertain to life and godliness" through knowledge of Jesus Christ. When we read Scripture, we should not read it solely with our own understanding, but allow ourselves to be taught by the apostles (or those appointed by them as successors).
When it comes to Sola Scriptura, I do not see how it is not relying on one's own personal interpretation. How do I know that I am understanding Scripture correctly? How do I know that I do not have an interpretation that is horribly off base? I have never really gotten an answer to this from Protestants.
If I am debating Scripture, according to Protestants, I am debating the sole highest authority. So if I test my interpretation against something else, I am testing against a lesser authority and thus it can still be challenged and I have not sufficiently solved the problem.
We only need to declare Jesus as Lord to get to Heaven
“Not every one who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.
Here Jesus flatly says professing that Jesus is Lord is not enough to get you into Heaven, but doing the will of the Father. Yes, we are saved by faith through grace. If you get baptized and are shot dead the moment you walk out of the church, you will go to Heaven having done nothing except making that "leap of faith." If you are in a car crash and have a minute to live and all you can do is place your trust in Jesus, yes, you will be saved. But for 99.99999% of people, this is not the case. We have our entire lives to live after baptism. So the question is "Do we live according to what we profess with our mouth?"
If I say "I am an Orioles fan." but only ever go to/watch Yankees games and only ever root for the Yankees, would you say that I am actually an Orioles fan? Do I not call into question that statement that I made by my actions? What if I grow up as an Orioles fan, regularly attending games and watching them daily. But then later, my favorite player gets traded to the Yankees and I convert to a Yankees fan. Was I never an Orioles fan to begin with? No. That would be silly. I was an Orioles fan, but then became a Yankees fan.
Likewise, if I say "I am a Christian and believe that Jesus rose from the dead." But I never attend Church, I am not loving others, I am worshipping other gods, etc. Am I really a Christian? Maybe I was at one point, but I certainly am not now based on what I have done.
As such, yes, it is true that works do not save us, but if we act contrary to what we believe, we cannot have assurance of our salvation. Hopefully God still finds a way to bring us to Heaven. I would rather someone spend 1000 years after death having their soul purified knowing that they will go to Heaven then know for a fact that they are in Hell. Even so, we must recognize that Hell is real, it is a real possibility.
Baptism does not save
He who believes and is baptized will be saved; but he who does not believe will be condemned.
Baptism, which corresponds to this, now saves you, not as a removal of dirt from the body but as an appeal to God for a clear conscience, through the resurrection of Jesus Christ, ²² who has gone into heaven and is at the right hand of God, with angels, authorities, and powers subject to him.
I have ZERO idea where some Protestants get this idea from. The idea that Baptism is not salvific is not at all Scriptural. This really ties into the "Sola Fide" bit of this post.
The Eucharist is merely symbolic
I am the bread of life. ⁴⁹ Your fathers ate the manna in the wilderness, and they died. ⁵⁰ This is the bread which comes down from heaven, that a man may eat of it and not die. ⁵¹ I am the living bread^\)^c\) which came down from heaven; if any one eats of this bread, he will live for ever; and the bread which I shall give for the life of the world is my flesh.”
⁵² The Jews then disputed among themselves, saying, “How can this man give us his flesh to eat?”^\)^d\) ⁵³ So Jesus said to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of man and drink his blood, you have no life in you; ⁵⁴ he who eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day. ⁵⁵ For my flesh is food indeed, and my blood is drink indeed. ⁵⁶ He who eats my flesh and drinks my blood abides in me, and I in him. ⁵⁷ As the living Father sent me, and I live because of the Father, so he who eats me will live because of me. ⁵⁸ This is the bread which came down from heaven, not such as the fathers ate and died; he who eats this bread will live for ever.” ⁵⁹ This he said in the synagogue, as he taught at Caper′na-um.
Jesus flat out says "This bread that I am talking about here is my flesh." So the disciples challenge Him saying "You mean this figuratively right?... RIGHT?
So Jesus responds repeating himself over and over in verses 53 through 58. How many times does Jesus need to say something for you to believe it? You will latch on to a singular verse that teaches something you agree with (or seems to) for dear life at the exclusion of literally any other verse on the topic, but something else is taught multiple times and you don't believe it? I am confused about how Protestants read the Bible. It does not seem to be in any kind of coherent exegesis.
You are allowed to get divorced and remarried... at all.
“Every one who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.
But Jesus said to them, “For your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. ⁶ But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ⁷ ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife,^\)^a\) ⁸ and the two shall become one.’^\)^b\) So they are no longer two but one.^\)^c\) ⁹ What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder.”
He said to them, “For your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. ⁹ And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for unchastity,^\)^c\) and marries another, commits adultery; and he who marries a divorced woman, commits adultery.”
A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. If the husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.
Marriage is "until death do us part." The teachings on divorce from the Gospels is trying to set a trap for Jesus to see which rabbinical school he agrees with. Jesus comes out and says. "Neither." He says "Yeah. Moses allowed for divorce. But this is not how it was from the beginning. What about that "except for unchastity" phrase in Matthew (and only Matthew)?
There Matthew is talking about unions that God did not join together. He is talking about invalid marriages that his primarily Jewish readers would have been thinking about. The gentile converts to Christianity would not have thought about these weird situations, so this is excluded from the other gospels.
You can get re-baptized
There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call— one Lord, one faith, one baptism,
Some that want to say that you can get rebaptized jump to Acts 19. Reading this passage, it would seem that what is going on here is that the Baptism by John was not in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Paul is essentially saying that the "baptism" that they had received was not valid. He does not say that he "baptized them again into Christ." Rather it says that Paul "baptized them in the name Jesus Christ." As in they were not baptized into Christ, so Paul baptized them "for real this time."
You can only be cleansed from Original Sin once. After that, you can confess your sins and have them forgiven. Baptism is what makes into a child of God. That can only happen once. To do otherwise is a grave sin because you are saying that God was not powerful enough to save you the first time. Again, if a baptism is deemed to be invalid, this is a different story. This is why Paul asks "Into what were you baptized?"
The Church is simply the collection of believers
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. ¹⁶ But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses. ¹⁷ If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. ¹⁸ Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.
Here it is clear that the "Church" is something more than a collection of believers. Jesus teaches here that first, you deal with disagreement 1 on 1. If that does not work, you go and get other believers to help show that they are wrong. If that does not work, then take to the Church. If even that does not work, they are to be treated as an unbeliever (excommunicated).
Certainly, all believers are a part of the Church - which is the body of Christ. The Church is not a parish or a singular building. The Church is universal, but there is a clear structure to it. There are priests, bishops, elders, etc. There is real authority in that structure. This article goes over in Scripture and towards the bottom the Church Fathers what the Church is meant to look like: https://www.scripturecatholic.com/the-biblical-church/
Many Protestant ideas sound nice, but I do not want to believe something merely because it sounds nice. Dessert for dinner sounds nice but it is not good for my body. Likewise, we should not judge something on "does it sound nice." We should judge something on whether it is good for our souls.
I look at many Protestant theological views and note how they seem to not be based in Scripture or based on a misunderstanding of Scripture. I would love to see if Protestants can properly answer these. Simply quoting verses that seem to back you up is not enough here. You need to show that these other verses are not problematic.
I do not only want to trust in Jesus, I want to trust that I am following everything that he taught. Jesus commanded the apostles to teach all that He has commanded, not just the important stuff. If you get the main stuff right but other things wrong, you still got it wrong. If a teacher gave a 10 question quiz and said, "You got questions 1, 2, 5, and 7 right, but everything else wrong. It is ok though those questions were the most important." I still get a failing grade. So, if you want me to convert to Protestantism you need to show that you actually follow all of Scripture, because I want to strive to get a 100% on the "test" of salvation. After all Jesus told us to "Be perfect as Your Heavenly Father is perfect" Not "Be kind of perfect as Your Heavenly Father is perfect."

They're the only ones I've ever written, it's my first time doing it so I honestly don't know if they're good or anything so if you don't mind please be kind. It's very important to me to give me your feedback cause in two days it's the last ever day of school and I'm thinking of giving them to her. I've spoken to her so many times and all of these times she denied me but I can't stop loving her. Anyway here you go:

Sweet Girl

Sweet girl You invaded in my life In a dull day of September I didn't understand outright But you marked me forever
Sweet girl Your beauty makes me shiver I could stare at you all day Cause what you deliver Makes me wanna go insane
Sweet girl You make me lose my mind I love to hear your voice You're just one of a kind You're my number one choice
Sweet girl There's nobody like you I'm longing for the days we'll spend Please love me as I do Will you help me mend?

Letter To My Love

It was the day my life changed forever At first I didn't realize But now I really know You're the love of my life
Your eyes mesmerize me Your voice, oh, so charming I want to hold you tight And taste your sweet skin
Cause there's no girl like you You're the only one who's stolen my heart Yeah, yeah, you're so brilliant You're on top of my world
Tried to approach you so many times But I've always failed to reach you If I could only achieve that dream I'd tell you the whole truth about me
You've broken my heart into pieces And now I'm left in tears I just wish you could understand How much I love you, my dear
Maybe I'm not perfect As much as you are But, baby, does it really matter? Cause I love you so much I'll do anything to be with you
I thought I had lost you But you resurfaced in my life You captured my mind once more You were again stuck in my thoughts
I saw the light again You ignited my spark once more You cured my misery Baby, please accept my love
I've tried to turn the page But I couldn't move on You're so unique, my love I'll fight once again to win your heart
I just can't get you out of my mind There's no way out I've fought so hard my feelings But you always end up winning
But now it's clear I'll forever love you Right till the end of time My heart belongs to you
You are so wholesome You're so, so wonderful Your beauty is just mind-blowing You're like a blooming flower
I'll always protect you I'll always defend you I'll forever be there for you I was designed to love you I was born to be with you I was destined for your love

Wasted Love

You seemed like a treasure Hard to be found Turns out my pleasure Wasn't for you bound
I thought you were different Thought we were meant to be But now I'll give all this an end Cause now I know
I wasted my love in you I wasted myself just for you How can you do this to me Oh baby why you're so mean
I wasted my love in you I spent all my time for you Oh can't you see my love Do you have any feelings at all?
All your lies Deceived me for real Now just get out of my life I can't withstand your heel
You were laughing at my back While you were on my thoughts Now I'm on my own and I rack My efforts have come to nought
I wasted my love for you I wasted myself just for you Why can't my love be enough Bitch, why you're so rough
I wasted my love for you I planned my life so I'd be with you I'm still drowned in my grief I just can't get no relief
Now I really know Love isn't real Now I really know Love's a big, big lie
I wasted my love for you I wasted myself just for you How can you do this to me Oh baby why you're so mean
I wasted my love for you I wasted myself just for you I'll be free when you're out of my head Til then I won't be taking a rest

Tears of Blood

He got the chance of his life Says I gotta be decisive I'm not gonna crack He'll let his heart do the job
He would wish he just knew What was about to happen As now he's drowning for you In those tears of blood
Leaving the bus Sees her stand in the middle Walking close to her now The time has finally come
Your pigeon post has arrived It's got a letter for you mistress Don't you let this boy die In his tears of blood

Missed Opportunities

Lying here alone and helpless Wandering around the past Seeing all those who've gone Thinking of what could've been
All I wanted was you Wish you could just accept me You're my most precious jewel I can't live without you
All the missed opportunities That I had with you Now I can't escape Wish I had made no mistake And skipped none of these Missed opportunities
I tried real hard To get you my darling And as I finally made it You just denied
All those years later I'm still thinking of you My heart's still in pain No medicine can heal me
All the missed opportunities That I had with you Now I can't escape Wish I had made no mistake And skipped none of these Missed opportunities

I Dream Of...

I dream of you girl Being with me I dream of us two Sitting next to each other
I dream of the days with you I dream of the nights for us two I dream of our endless conversations I dream of us two Hang out in the still of the night
I dream of you and me Walking hand in hand I fantasize of the moments When you'd whisper in my ear
I dream of the places we'll see And all things we'll experience together I dream of those precious moments Smirking to one another
I dream of my future And you hold a special place on it Please never wake me up I can't get enough of this.

15th of December

Stranded alone in my room Like a butterfly in the winter Things didn't go to plan I have lost my faith
I wish you all didn't let me down I've lost my lust for life All I want is
Take me back To the 15th of December And leave me no room for escape
Bring me back To the 15th of December To find my peace at last
You were my only joy In my bitter, boring life Now I've lost my will To even just try
I'm still dreaming of you When you sat next to me Oh God will you please
Take me back To the 15th of December And make my dream realise
Get me back To the 15th of December Hear again that song of the Mats

Invisible Glances

Arriving on the scene With my superhero boot Checking the time then I say Let the fun shoot
As I sit now myself I see you in the distance I just wanna let you know You got my soul in trance
Tonight you blew my mind You were like a princess Oh baby can't you feel My invisible glances
Staring at you all night You captured my eyes You were my shooting star You were brighter than Venus
Then you talked to me And I struggled to move When you looked at me My heart almost melted
Tonight you stole my heart I just died in your sight But still you cannot feel My invisible glances

Bid Me Farewell?

Another day comes by And I still miss you baby Everything around me Reminds me of your sight
Now you'll be there for me The moment I was looking for But it won't last for long As you'll still fly away from me
Will you bid me farewell Before you leave me After all the moments we lived Will you even care for me
The last one is unfinished. Well, I think most are but they seem completed tbh.
Thanks for your time too 😂

So I (F16) met this guy (M18) he’s from my schools sister schools and we met at a school party a month ago. He asked me for my socials after i complimented his outfit. Him and i are in the same grade and are only one year apart and get along really well, we’ve been texting every single day anywhere between 10 minutes to 2 hour long texting cessions. The best part is we really get along, we have similar music taste, we both do sports, we both have fairly good grades, like similar things, our biggest disagreement was on wether or not spiders or ants were less scary lmao. I don’t really think we fall into friends because we’ve been what I assume to be flirty (asking me if I’m dating anyone, liking my fit checks, hearting pictures we send each other, complimenting our looks and so on) and according to my friends that might fall under being a “situationship”
Well yesterday I texted him fairly late to ask him about his day like I usually do but he didn’t see it until the next morning where he answered telling me he had fallen asleep early last night and then casually told me something fun that happened during his day, I ended up asking him a few hours later when I finally opened his message (I didn’t know what to answer so I just didn’t open my socials that day) I ended up just saying that his day sounded like more fun than I did lmao and then asked “btw, wanna hang out sometimes” which he just answered “yuh, why not”.
I have no clue wether or not this means he actually wants to or if he might just be saying that to be nice, I’m actually really confused (I’m autistic btw) and I’ve just been not opening my phone at all for the last two hours since I don’t know. On top of that I can only hang out with friends when I’m at my dads which will be in 11 days and he already told me a week before about another subject that he never made plans until one or three days before when the plans happen and I wouldn’t want to make him uncomfortable by asking him so far beforehand.

1. What his message means and what I should answer
2. Wether or not he’s even interested in me
3. And if he is wether or not I should try to make plans with him

Episode Description

Simba leaves Kiara in charge of the Pride Lands while he, Nala, and Zazu go to Kilio Valley to attend a funeral for an old elephant friend named Amanifu who has just died. Upon learning this from Mzingo, Janja decides to take advantage of Kiara's inexperience and comes up with a plan to take over the Pride Lands. Meanwhile, Simba is nervous about performing his eulogy in front of the elephants, including Aminifu's daughter, Ma Tembo.
Song: "Duties of the King" sung by Simba and Zazu

Pros
-First off, I like the sibling dynamic in this episode, as somebody with a similarly aged older brother. Kion and Kiara's relationship has resonated with me, the way they have off days and arguments, but, obviously love each other and make it out strong in the end. I, for one, do not hate Kiara in The Lion Guard, and Kion gives her the same attitude she gives him in early episodes. I like watching their relationship go through ups and downs throughout Season 1.
-I know the opening scene, where Kiara and Kion are fighting over a tree to sharpen their claws is quite intense, because they would've probably gotten into a scuffle if Simba hadn't showed up when he did, but, that is siblings for you sometimes. I feel like anyone who's got siblings of your own can relate, at least a little bit, to that scene.
-I like the plotline of Kiara and Kion's sibling rivalry stemming from their roles in leadership. Kiara is clearly a reflection of her father, when he was a cub, which is interesting and so, she thinks that being the Future Queen is really swell and makes her the alpha, and Kion (who is no better than her) thinks that being Leader of the Lion Guard makes him more important than her. I like this mechanic in this episode. It makes me want to know if Scar felt the same way about Mufasa. I mean, Kion was obviously not resentful of Kiara, unlike Scar, but I wonder if a similar thing happened with the two brothers except, in this case, it drove Scar to insanity and wanting to murder Mufasa.
-Now let's talk about Kiara being left in charge of the Pride Lands (I mean, I do think the main conflict of the episode was Simba's fault, but we'll get to that later). So, I like the fact that Kiara is nervous about ruling the Pride Lands, even for a brief period of time. I like this because for one thing, she's still only a cub at this time, so, she's entitled to be nervous and anxious about being responsible for an entire kingdom. There's a lot of responsibility being placed on her at such a young age, but, she still remained likable, in my opinion. I do like how, in The Lion Guard, she takes her responsibility as Future Queen very seriously. I know this is unpopular to say, but, I headcanon that, as she's grown up into an older cub, she's realised that being queen won't prevent her from being herself, a concern she had at the beginning of TLK 2.
-I do empathise with Kiara, and Kion, because they are both being put into a huge responsibility of looking after the entire kingdom on their own, while all the adults are away from Pride Rock. This is still really early on in Season 1, so Kion is inexperienced as Leader of the Lion Guard, and Kiara only just started her training with Simba, in the pilot episode. I do feel bad at the fact that they have to figure everything without their parents around and I respect them for managing to work out their differences by the end of the episode.
-I really feel bad for Kiara because she gets a lot of crap from people in the TLG community, moreso than Kion does. I feel really sorry for her because people say they hate her for her attitude and that they think she's a self-righteous bitch at the start of the series, but, I don't. Even as a kid, I knew that a lot of Kiara's behaviour in this episode was down to the stress of being left in charge of whole kingdom for a few days without her parents around, while still being a cub at this point. I do really like her and it really upsets when I see people hating on her. I don't think Kiara really means to be controlling in this episode, she's just trying to do right by her father while he's gone.
-I like the fact that Kiara is really hesitant and nervous to have a huge weight on her shoulders, a role she was previously really excited to fulfil in the pilot episode. When Simba asks this of her, she's understanding feeling a lot of pressure to make him proud. I like the fact that Simba admits to her that he was also nervous about becoming king the first time. I like this because we only saw the side of him that was cocky, overconfident and optimistic about becoming king. I like the fact that she was nervous and that he decides to be upfront about it.
-Kiara still remained a likable character to me throughout this episode. I like how she starts out as nervous and how her confidence is slowly building up nicely during the episode. But, she never came off as mean-spirited, to me. Also, it becomes clear that the reason her responsibility goes to her head is because of Tiifu and Zuri's influence on her and the Lion Guard's inexperience and, in this case, plot-convenient incompetence.
-Beshte, "I'm sure she'll be a nice queen." Well, I'm glad at least one of you believes in her. I can't tell you guys how much I love Beshte, always the sweetest soul out of the group.
-Ono, "Thank you for the opportunity, my queen. And you.... err..... my Kion." That line was funnier than it had any right to be.
-Speaking of which, I thought seeing Ono in Zazu's position, temporarily for Kiara was interesting and I think was a great use of his character, outside of being a Member of the Lion Guard. I personally would've been down for more scenes like this. I think a cool send off for Ono would've been to have him be the Royal Advisor to Queen Kiara and King Kovu, in the future. I wish Ono had stayed in the Pride Lands in the series finale and had become Zazu's apprentice or something.
-Bunga, "Your majesty." {bows at Kiara}. Kiara, "Bunga, that's really not necessary." I found that whole interaction surprisingly funny. Also, strong feeling that Bunga has a huge crush on his best friend's sister at this point, and Kiara views him as her friend, nothing more.
-Kiara's plan about the Bees and the Eelands fiasco was actually very smart, and even when I saw this as a kid, I knew that she had a better idea than Kion. Her idea about moving the eelands away from bees' nests is smarter because bees obviously sting when angered. So, Kion was too proud to admit Kiara had the better idea.
-One of the funniest parts of the whole episode for me was Kion saying, "I say we move the bees". Then, the scene cuts to Kion, Beshte, Fuli and Ono running away from a swarm of bees, in terror. I obviously don't want them hurt, but, I just had to laugh because it was so predictable.
-Bunga, "What are you guys running for? Bees taste even better when they're mad!" Accurate behaviour from a honey badger. They can raid beehives without being stung due to their very thick hide and their stink sap.
-When the Lion Guard arrived back at Pride Rock covered in bee stings, if I were Kiara, I'd be laughing in Kion's face at that moment, like "Ha, ha, you were wrong. Only an idiot would decide to move a swarm of bees to a new place." But, in fairness, Kiara was right to be mad at him, in that moment, for his little screw up.
-"It wasn't a total disaster," Kion, while talking to Kiara. Kiara, looks at Fuli and Ono scratching themselves, "Really? It looks pretty total to me." I mean, she does have a point there. In this situation, Kion had everything to gain from taking her advice.
-However, I do like the fact this episode shows that Kiara and Kion are not perfect leaders yet, they're still fairly young and are only just finding their feet, so it's natural for them to have some minor slip ups, that they learn from, like every kid does.
-"Admit it. I was right about the bees and you were wrong." Kion, just admit it and save yourself the embarrassment. Kiara was not being rude to him whatsoever. She was speaking nothing but facts.
-When Kiara talks to Mzingo at Pride Rock, I like the fact that the latter is clearly higher up in the frame because he's the one dominating the conversation and is also the one who manipulates Kiara. I think it's a nice touch where he creepily approaches and blackmails her.
-*laughs "Janja wants peace?" I like the fact that Kiara is clearly sceptical and she's obviously suspicious of Janja's true intentions. I like this because it doesn't make Kiara out to be seriously wayyy too gullible and silly. The fact that was she was suspicious feels more in-line with TLK 2 and makes her decision to believe Janja, partially Kion's fault. Manipulation is also a very powerful tool, especially to done on a semi-young child, like Kiara.
-I like the fact that Mufasa appears to Kion, unprompted in this episode, for the first time in the series. I love this because it feels like Mufasa saw the argument that had just gone down and was like, "Right I need to put an end to this sibling drama before it gets out of hand. I need to make Kion see the error of his ways."
-I actually love the fact that Kiara is, at least partially willing, to give Outlanders a chance for peace. It feels like a nice bit of foreshadowing for her character arc in TLK 2, where she was able to give the Outsider lions a chance to fit in.
-Kion angrily to Tiifu and Zuri, "Ugh! Some advisors you two are!" That was more hilarious than it had any right to be. Because, let's be honest, they were pretty obnoxious in this episode.
-"Get away from the Queen!!!!" I actually love the moment where Kion comes bursting in like a superhero, to his sister's aid. I also love the fact that he calls Kiara his queen, at this point, because he clearly listened to Mufasa's advice, and also because he had felt somewhat responsible for her almost being killed by Janja.
-"Oh we can fight all right!!!" So badass. I personally would've loved to see Kiara fight alongside the Lion Guard. I think it would've been cool to see her help to fight off Janja's clan. I wanted to see what she could do.
-"Six on six..... Forget it!!!!" Yeah, you better run, Janja, you don't stand a chance against all six of these heroic friends. And one of them is a bloody hippo.
-I love Kion and Kiara's closeness at the end of the episode where they make up for their uncivil, squabbling at the start. Kion finally rightfully admits that he should've taken Kiara's advice about the bees and the elands, and Kiara admits that Kion was right about Janja being nothing but trouble.
-Kion, "And I should've listened to you about the bees." Ono, "Oh, sure {rolls his eyes}. Now he admits it." Oh, Ono, you knew all along, but, we love you.
-Kiara and Kion when Simba and Nala arrive home, are really sweet. I love the fact that Kiara wants to be honest about what happened, "Ruling the Pride Lands? It went..." I absolutely love the moment where Kion decides to cover for her and admits that she'll be a great queen, this is an incredibly sweet brother and sister moment. That moment feels like a precursor to the episode "Baboons" and even later "The Trail to Udugu."
-I love the moral of this episode about "being supportive of your loved ones efforts to help, especially when they are wrong," because it applies to both Kiara and Kion in two different situations. Kion was obviously wrong to go against Kiara's advice to move the elands, but, Kiara learned that she should've been more sensitive about that whole situation. But, Kion also learned that if hadn't been so dismissive of her acting queen for a few days and given her his utmost support when she was clearly nervous about ruling the Pride Lands. If Kion and Kiara been more sensitive to each other, then, they would've been able to be in charge of the Pride Lands together instead of arguing. Also, this episode shares another moral, "Communication is key to understanding each other and a successful team." Kiara learns this after Kion saves her and she realises she was wrong about Janja, and Kion learns this when the Lion Guard get stung by bees, and even later when he realises that he was partly to blame for Kiara going into the Outlands, and that if he had been upfront with her instead of outright yelling at her and running out on her, she wouldn't have needed to be rescued. These are two important lessons for kids going through school together, or with siblings and friends.
-Also, Janja is genuinely dangerous and scary in this episode. He traps Kiara in the Outlands to use her as a bargaining chip for Simba or else he and his would eat her. They would've gotten away with it if Kion didn't jump in at the last second. Janja threatened the freaking princess of the Pride Lands! Reason number #50 why he should never be allowed enter the Pride Lands, no matter if he is starving or not, because he clearly cannot be trusted to follow the rules.
-And now I'm finally going to talk about the B-plot of the episode. It wasn't as good the A-plot, in my opinion. I did love the worldbuilding aspect of this episode where we learn that different animals in the Pride Lands have their own customs and traditions that need to be respected. I like the idea of Simba upholding a tradition and it was interesting that he was never trained for it because obviously Mufasa died before he could complete his training.
-I like the idea of Simba, Nala and Zazu going to an elephant funeral. Elephants actually have "funerals" in real life. In real life, if a member of their herd dies, the elephants will crowd around them ceremoniously to pay tribute and they'll collect twigs and branches to cover the fallen elephant to pay tribute, out of respect for them. I love the way its portrayed as a ceremonial funeral in The Lion Guard and that Simba is upholding a tradition. I love the way he has to say it in Elephantese because the idea of the elephants' having a language barrier is a cool worldbuilding element.
-Aminifu is a cool worldbuilding character too who, we're told, played a big part in the Pride Lands' revival and bringing the circle of life into balance. I like to headcanon we was a childhood friend of Mufasa and Scar, and the rest of the Royal Family, and how he go on to be a good friend to Simba, Nala and the rest of Simba's pride. I like to think Aminifu was responsible for all the animals in the kingdom, similar to the Lion Guard, and how his daughter fills that role in Season 2.
-The Elephant Funeral scene looks cool because of how emotional and how heart-wrenching it looks from afar. I like the addition of all the elephants mourning in the background. It was a little dark this early on the series. One elephant hugs Aminifu and looks like their going to cry, another elephant and her calf are crying, while hugging each other.
-I like how you can see shades of Mufasa's death through Simba's voice in this episode, such as, "And now Aminifu has completely his part of the circle of life," and "Well, time for the tribute." I like this because I like to think Simba is obviously nervous about performing a eulogy in front of elephants, but, probably also a bit upset and mourning over his own father's death. I mean, in fairness, he never to give his father a proper send off when he died, so, this probably hit even harder for him.
-I like how this is Zazu's first main character moment in the series and how much of a hard worker and a loyal he is to Simba and Nala, his whole motivation is just to help Simba learn Elephantese properly so he can impress Ma Tembo's herd, during the tribute.
-Nala is such a sweetheart and a loving partner to Simba. I love her because she's pretty much exactly how she was in the original film. She's his loving and supportive wife, and I love the way he gives him moral support when he gets nervous. I love her snarky jab at her husband early on the episode too, by the way, "Worried about Kiara? Or are you worried about your tribute?"
-The song "Duties of the King" was decent enough, I suppose. I mean, it's not my favourite song in the series and I wouldn't be reaching for it. But, I don't hate it. I like the more cutesy, "miscellaneous" animals shown in the background, like the chimpanzees and the porcupines. Plus, it's nice to know that Simba doesn't just sit on his ass all day and that he does important jobs, like he assigns gazelles to their grazing grounds and songbirds to their trees. I love that he presides over aardvark wedding rites and then we saw Muhanga and Muhangus kissing behind some grass. So, I wonder if Simba did in fact, preside over their wedding before this episode. Overall, I like the cute scenes of this song and I like the fact that Simba actually has important stuff to do. I can see why kids would dance around to this song because it's very bouncy and energetic. The beat is fine, but, I don't like Rob Lowe's singing voice as Simba. I think they should've used Cam Clarke all along for The Lion Guard, who actually voices Mwoga the vulture. I don't mind the beat, but, I don't think Simba and Zazu are the best singers, at least in this series, that is. I'll give it a 5/10 because there are worse songs than it.
-Ma Tembo is such a sweetheart in this episode and I love her. She doesn't have a major role in the series as of yet, but, it's still clear in this episode that she has a great relationship with Simba and the Royal Family. I'm glad she had a bigger part in Season 2. I also love her voice actress, Lynette DuPree (R.I.P) and I think she's one of the best in the series. I love how she makes her sound genuinely sad during the procession and then a little bittersweet during the "poop" scene. Also, shout out to the moment where she wraps her trunk around Simba.
-Also, call me childish if you want to, but I actually love it when Simba actually says that Aminifu had "poop on him". I mean, it just gets me because that's not something you'd say at a funeral and the fact that the elephants took it really well and actually laughed hysterically is genuinely hilarious. Like, even his daughter admitted that he had always had faeces on him. It was funny because of how much Simba feels like he screwed up, but, then, the elephants had a really good sense of humour about it.
-Also, this episode makes me wish that at least someone went to the Elephant Graveyard during this series. Maybe Aminifu's funeral could've been there and Simba and Nala would've had to go the place where they almost got killed as cubs or maybe even Kion and the Lion Guard would have to go there. It's such a missed opportunity. Or if Janja went there then maybe he could've learn that Scar betrayed his ancestors long before the events of The Lion Guard. But, speaking of the Elephant Graveyard, I bet Ma Tembo's herd are going to wait for Aminifu to decompose and then carry his remains to the Graveyard because that's something that elephants do if a member of their herd dies outside of their designated area. I like to think that that's what happened after this episode. I just wish they had the funeral in the Elephant Graveyard and we got to see Simba and Nala go there as adults, but, I'm not going to fault this episode for not going in this direction.
-Zazu, "I'm not sure Sire, but, I think you just said he had.... {quietly} poop on him...." Try not to judge me too harshly, but, I just find poop jokes hilarious for some reason, as an adult.
Cons
-First off, I don't like how Kion and Kiara were both dumbed down for the sake of plot-convenience for much of this episode. I get that they're still kids, but, Kion's plans to move the bees instead of the elands was the most stupid idea I've seen in the series. The literally just had an episode where Kion calls out his best friend, Bunga, for making bad decisions and now it's Kion who made a really dumb decision. I mean, that should be bee rescue 101, don't try to move a swarm of bees, they do not like, and the fact that Kiara spells it out for them before this scene, "....if the elands step on the beehives, they'll get stung.... there could be chaos." She's speaking nothing but facts. Kion should've realised that they shouldn't have tried to aggravate the bees. I don't like the fact that he acts cocky and dismissive towards Kiara, when she was so obviously right. However, Kiara was dumb to go into the Outlands alone to see Janja. I mean, I admire her willingness to give strangers a chance for peace, but the fact that she had her suspicions about him and she already knew what he was like, in accordance to the pilot episode, wouldn't she see reason to bring Tiifu and Zuri along for backup.
-I don't like how this episode seems to indicate that Simba favours his daughter over his son. Between the pilot episode and this episode, it seems like he sees Kion as a just a Child Soldier and doesn't actually love him equally. I know it's obviously not through, but, I don't like how he gives off an impression that he has favourites. Parents don't have favourites, unless you're an evil lioness named Zira and you give your youngest son everything, but then treat your eldest son like dirt. But, Simba isn't like that. I don't like how he says "I have faith in you," in such a way that gives off Parental Favouritism vibes. I'm really glad he doesn't have this in any of the later episodes.
-I hate the way the writers tried to do the Kion/Scar and Kiara/Mufasa parallels in this episode. I just don't like it being used as a plot device. The series makes a point to say that Kion is nothing like Scar and how he would never take his anger out on his family and friends. I don't mind Kiara being like her grandfather because he was a great king in his day, but, I don't like how the writers made Kion and Kiara have a similar relationship that led to Mufasa's fall. Also, one thing I loathed early on in the series is the fanart of Kion brutally murdering Kiara in rage, just like Scar murdered Mufasa. I just hate it so much because it would happen since Kiara and Kion have a caring relationship, where they do bicker like siblings tend to do, but, they would never turn on each other.
-I don't like the part where Kiara and Kion were outright malicious towards each other. All the lion cubs in this episode were quite mean-spirited at times. Kion and Kiara for obviously constantly fighting and being horrible instead of admitting to being wrong in certain situations, like the bees and the elands and the Janja situation. Kion is too cocky and overconfident about the bees, for my liking, and Kiara allows Tiifu and Zuri's influence to get her head and ends up believing she's always right. Kion only adds fuel to the fire by yelling at Kiara and then callously running out her instead of being upfront with her about Janja's true intentions. I get that siblings don't always see eye-to-eye on things, but, I don't like Kion and Kiara constantly being scumbags to each other and not giving things a second thought until the end. Mufasa had to be the one to put an end to the "sibling drama".
-Tiifu and Zuri were the worst of all, in my opinion, and I think all of you guys will agree. They were pretty annoying and obnoxious in this episode. They were very disrespectful and condescending towards Kion just because he's not a queen, and they caused Kiara to be disrespectful right back. Kiara doesn't strike me as disrespectful without these two around. I'm glad she actually stands up to them in later episodes rather than being influenced by them. Zuri is my least favourite of the two of them, she comes off as super mean-spirited and bitchy, and Tiifu comes off as domineering and rude. I don't like the way they talk down and belittle Kion and how they throw shade at anyone who believes Kiara is wrong. They act like stereotypical Mean Girls, but, the annoying kind. Plus, they weren't very good friends to Kiara for letting her go into the Outlands alone without a second thought about the fact that it might be dangerous. That doesn't sound like Tiifu. Remember how in the pilot, she was deeply concerned when Kiara was trapped by the gazelles. But, here, the stakes are much higher, and she's up against a much bigger threat and Tiifu and Zuri don't seem to give a damn. I'm glad Kion called them out on this behaviour before leaving. What I wouldn't give for Tiifu and Zuri to be captured by Janja instead, not to get eaten, but just so they can see how dangerous it is. It's episodes like this that make me wonder are they her actual best friends or are they just using her to hang out with the Royal Family. Kiara deserves better than these self-entitled bitches, in my opinion.
-I feel like Kiara should've been the main focus of this episode instead of Kion. I know this only S1 Ep4, but, I still think this should've been a Kiara focused episode, rather than a brothesister episode. I would've been interested to see Kiara take centre stage and the Lion Guard take a back seat. Then, we could've seen more of Kiara's apprehension about becoming Queen and her trying to make all the decisions without Simba around to guide her, and most importantly, see her trying to decide what sort of Queen she wants to be. I would've loved if Kion tried to be supportive of her and tries to help her watch over the entire kingdom, instead of saying "Screw you Kiara, go get herself killed if you want to and my friends hate you." I would've liked to see that explored and maybe have them be a little bit annoyed at each other, but without making them really malicious. Also, have Tiifu and Zuri be in their annoying phase and for Kiara to realise that her "so-called" friends are not being very good friends to her, and have her ditch those bitches at the end of the episode. Then, have Kiara and Kion make some big decision together that really develops their relationship, in the future.
-I don't like how Simba is portrayed for much of this episode. I know, he was mourning the loss of an old friend, but I really don't like angry Simba moments in this series. I don't like the fact that all Zazu was doing was trying to help him practice his eulogy and Simba gets frustrated and roars in his face. I hate it when he throws tantrums, as a full-grown adult lion. I hate the idea of Simba regressing more into his evil uncle as of this series. I know he's not, but, I hate it when acts like it. Zazu, bless him, was just trying to help and Simba took out his rage on him. I do not like it when Zazu has to be the butt of all the jokes. I don't like Simba being a headstrong asshole in The Lion Guard.
-I also don't want to point fingers, but, if Simba hadn't left his semi-young daughter to rule over an entire kingdom for a few days, none of the conflict would've happened if he left Kion and Kiara with a responsible adult, like Rafiki or Basi or someone, just to keep an eye on things. I wouldn't leave kids their age home alone for even a day or more than an afternoon. If they had an adult in Pride Rock with them, the arguing wouldn't have spiralled out of control the way that it did. Also, this makes no sense with Simba's character in TLK 2. This is the same guy who sheltered his daughter the whole time she was growing up and wouldn't even let her explore more than 2ft from Pride Rock or even leave Pride Rock, at another point in the film. In this episode, she's still a cub and he's okay with leaving her to look after an entire kingdom for days on end! Yes, he did show hesitation, but that was after he and Nala had already left the Pride Lands. This episode fails to show just how okay he was with leaving his preteen daughter in charge of the kingdom for a few days with no adult supervision. Also, this episode and the series fails to explain how he regressed back into his over-protective state of mind in the second half of TLK 2.
-A minor complaint I have. This is a very minor nitpick. But, the distance between Kilio Valley and the Pride Lands that was established in this episode is very confusing. This episode implies that the elephants live approximately a two or three day walk from the Pride Lands, enough for Simba to outside of the kingdom, when in other episodes it's actually a part of the Pride Lands, just barely on the outskirts of the kingdom. I also don't get why the writers made it seem like Simba, Nala and Zazu took like a day or less to arrive at the elephants' funeral. There's no indication that they were travelling at night or that they ever slept. However, I understand, the writers just wanted to show some of journey and then transition to the day of the funeral, so I won't fault it to harshly. However, I do wish that the distance between Kilio Valley and the Pride Lands was consistent. This episode makes it seem like that whenever Kion and his friends have to help the elephants, it would take them a whole day to arrive on the scene. But, that's just a small criticism I had with this episode.
Overall
So, overall, I did always thoroughly enjoy this episode. Even as a kid, I could not stand the fact that Kiara got a lot of hate in the Lion Guard Fandom and that loads of people blamed her, just her, for a lot of the drama in this episode. Kion and Kiara shared 50% of the blame each and I think that Kiara is overhated. Anyways, I did like Kion and Kiara interacting like real siblings and slowly learning how to work together, it felt a little bit like a prequel to "Baboons" and "The Trail to Udugu", in that way. I like the lesson about learning to communicate well and to listen to one another and that they were both in the right and wrong, at different points. I liked the loving sibling dynamic at the end and the friendship with all the Lion Guard. I like the sense of family between Simba, Nala, Kiara and Kion at the end. Janja poses as a genuinely threat to Kiara. I think the humour was pretty solid as well and the educational value. I liked the worldbuilding aspect and the elephants' relationship with the lions. Aminifu is a cool headcanon character. The only parts I didn't like were, Tiifu and Zuri were unbearably annoying in this episode and weren't very good friends to Kiara. I don't like them being stereotypical Middle School girls. I hate their disrespect and belittling towards Kion and their toxic influence on Kiara. I didn't like Kiara and Kion's maliciousness at the start or the fact that the writers tried to draw Mufasa/Scar parallels. I don't like angry Simba at all in this series. I hate the fact that he gives off Parental Favouritism vibes in this episode. I don't like the fact that Kion and Kiara were hit with the idiot stick in this episode. Simba and Tiifu and Zuri are kind of at fault for all the drama in this episode. The song was just decent, not the best not the worst. Overall, I'll give this episode a 6.5/10, it's not perfect, but I think it deserves more love in the fandom and I think there are way worse episodes than it.

My little guy (25 weeks) has been sleep trained since 4 months. After the initial hurdles, he really does put himself down without fuss, puts himself back to sleep during MOTN wakes, and stays in the his crib until the early morning hours. Even when he's ready for a feeding or needs something, he normally just calls out and waits for one of us to go get him. He's really been chill even if he waits a few minutes for you to come in.
That all changed the last few nights. We traveled with him over a long weekend (not the first time away from the house). First night was fine, second night a little fussing but still mostly slept in the pack n play, third night was a disaster. Cried until we pulled him into bed with us. We were in a hotel and didn't let the crying go on for long because of the noise issue.
Last night was our first night home. With the normal bedtime routine, he went down great! Fell asleep and slept like a champ for 3 hours...until he woke up screaming with what sounded like a combination of pain and fear. I have never heard him scream/cry like that, even during initial sleep training. It was so scary that I didn't let it go on for long. I pulled him into bed and his heart rate took a while to go down but he slept next to me just fine.
The fact that he fell asleep next to me rather easily made me feel better about him possibly being in pain (i.e., sick, teething, etc.), but now I'm worried about what to do next. Do I just apply sleep training again if this happens? Normally I have no problem doing so when he wakes up and fusses but this was just so different. Wide awake, eyes open, and screaming it what sounds like pain without an end in sight.
Our routine: same 1-hour long bedtime routine we've been doing since 6 weeks (tried and true), blacked out room, sound machine, lullabies while initially falling asleep, temp monitored all night, consistent bedtime. Sleep trained with Ferber check ins that haven't been needed in quite some time as he just falls asleep. No anxiety during bedtime routine.
Anyone else deal with this and have advice?