I am 36 years old. I don't have any friends. I haven't been in a relationship in two years. I don't make as much money as I would like. I am have a really slow recovery from a tonsillectomy and I am just having a hard time getting myself motivated to do anything.
I had one pretty good friend, an ex, and we went on a platonic trip together in March. I had a really good time and generally enjoyed myself. Got to see Chichen Itza and get some fun in at the cenotes and beach. Since then we haven't hung out though. In her texts she said the guy she has been seeing is moving out of town in a few months so she is spending time with him. She has dated him off and on for 20+ years and this has never been an issue before so I do feel like some of this is also just fatigue of hanging out with me. We didn't get in any fights on the trip but it did show we have much different priorities/personalities. She brought her dogs, they go everywhere with her, and one is incontinent so it was dictating quite a bit of our schedule but I am pretty used to this so I felt like I handled it fairly well. I also do think some of this is her boyfriend not wanting us to hangout, which is understandable. I just said No worries and we haven't talked since. She didn't message me on my birthday, but I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't remember. We have been hanging out regularly for 2-3 years so it is a bit of a hit, but it was something that felt ultimately was going to happen so I am not mad, just a little sad. I haven't hung out with anyone other than my dad since the middle of March though.
Just hurts to not have anyone to hangout with at all. I have talked to two coworkers and one of them has bailed on me multiple times and the other just said he was too busy to make any plans in the first place. I have done meetups in the past but I always just feel so awkward not knowing anyone and I am awful at initiating contact with anyone, guys or girls. I also just don't really have that many interests, even though I tend to enjoy most things I do. I own a dirt bike but haven't gotten out to use it because it is really hard to load by myself and I am just not that confident with it. And if I am doing anything alone without somebody else keeping me accountable I tend to just blow it off. I have also tried Bumble BFF but honestly was so turned off by it. I kept on getting hit on, creepy af, and it just feels awkward.
I feel like I am bad at making friends because I am not very personable and also tend to overshare and say stupid things just because I haven't talked to anyone in so long it is just kind of like a dam bursts.
I would like to get back into judo or jujitsu, but with college and my mortgage I am barely squeaking by financially, and 200+ a month is a little too much for me. I even canceled my cable plan to save some money for bills despite loving basketball. I also don't really have enough energy for active hobbies due to my tonsillectomy right now.
I work full time and am taking college classes at the same time. I was never the best student, but I have finished 9 computer science courses and a statistics class over the last 2.5 years. I have 5 classes left for my bachelors and am on course to graduate Spring 2025. Straight A's and one B+ so far so I have been really happy with my grades, but the industry has completely fallen apart over the last year or two and I am worried that after investing all this time and money into going back to college I might not be able to get a job. The best student I know wasn't able to land a single internship this summer and that really shocked me. He is an amazing programmer, better than anyone I know.
Because I have a mortgage on a little duplex I cannot really afford to do an internship to try and help my job prospects, I am going to really have to rely on doing well in the interviews. I am also planning on trying to take advantage of the career fairs and other on-campus opportunities next fall but that is so not my comfort zone that I don't want to set my expectations really.
With how busy I am it has also been a great excuse for myself to not pursue more social outlets and the only thing I do for dating is online apps and while I can get the occasional date I don't think I have ever actually had a real connection through it. I am just bad at connecting with people on a personal level, be it friends or dates. I have been on so many first dates it is kind of depressing. The town I live in isn't small, like 150k, but I feel like I am running low on options after years of failures.
I had been suffering from chronic tonsillitis over the last year. I had 5 bouts in total, three of which were back to back episodes from January to March this year. I got a tonsillectomy on April 20 and am still having problems swallowing food. I am basically still on a puree diet.
Getting the tonsillectomy was a real eye opener for me because with my ex not being a contact anymore I didn't have anyone to rely on so I had to have my father fly out and spend a week with me. I didn't have any friends to rely on and it really just kind of hit me how depressing my life is. All of my old high school friends, who I don't keep up with, have families.
The one thing I had going for me is that I had a decent physique. Due to a lack of a social life I was pretty good at going to the gym and lifting regularly. I was 6'1 and 180-185 pounds, nothing impressive but I was happy with myself. I am down to 160 pounds now since my tonsillectomy though and I am just extremely low energy all the time. My summer class started today and I am having a lot of issues just focusing after an 8-hour work day, even though I only work remotely on a computer.
During COVID I really made leaps and bounds to improve myself. I quit cigarettes after 15 years, I started going back to class. Got my own place and gained 40 pounds (in a good way) but after losing half of that weight and generally being miserable from my tonsillectomy it is just so hard to motivate myself to even go to the gym anymore and for 3 years I never had a problem getting off my butt to go to the gym, even if it was just for a mediocre lifting session.
I used to love playing video games and watching tv shows/movies but now I just find myself mindlessly watching youtube or reading and don't even have the attention span or interest in booting up a video game anymore or trying to find a show or movie to watch.
I always wanted a family, but I have never really had a successful relationship in my life and now since my tonsillectomy I have become a lot less sexually motivated than before. I don't even have the urge to masturbate anymore, and sex was never a strong point of mine in the first place, leading me to believe it will be even worse moving forward. I also just have never connected with somebody on like a really deep level and feel like years of failures/insecurity just kind of burden me a this point. And I am getting to the age now where I feel like I am almost beyond the point where this is still possible. It is weird telling somebody I am 36 and my longest relationship was only 4 months long.
I feel like I am on the right track on paper with only one year left until I graduate and I kind of really want to move even though I love where I live just so I can get a fresh start, but at the same time I am terrified I will graduate and just be in the same situation I am currently in. I also could never afford to buy another place without a better salary. The only reason I was able to afford what I currently have is because I bought during the 2020 market and got a 2.34% APR. But even with that my mortgage is close to 40% of my take home right now and I have one of the cheapest places in town.
I don't really have anyone to vent to or destress to so I just wanted to post something from a throwaway account. My dad has been texting me daily because I think he realizes how unhappy I am and I really appreciate that.
I have been wanting to go see some Nuggets games at the bar, but I still cannot drink alcohol until I am eating food again so I have just been following highlights on youtube. I also have never been a fan of hanging out at bars. I enjoy shooting pool but I am not good at social settings like that.
I will leave it at this for now. A very long, poorly formatted ramble. But I have seen much worse. Thanks.

Hi all! I think I am just looking for mostly reassurance at this point regarding taking care of my grandma. Here is my situation (buckle up, this is a long one):
I was estranged from my biological father and his family from my teen years until about 2 years ago. Long story short, my parents got divorced when I was 2, my mom moved me out of state when she married my stepfather and I spent every summer in childhood visiting my father's family. For context, I am the only child of my father (my mom had other children from a later marriage, my half siblings, my father never had any more kids). Around my teen years, those visits stopped and I just kept in contact with my biological grandmother on my dad's side through the occasional letters over the years. I have a lot of resentment toward my parents for their poor decision making and how it's affected so much of how I act in my relationships as an adult. I have sought out therapy and am doing my best to recover.
In May of 2022, I received a phone call from my paternal grandma (who was 97 at the time), which was so unusual and very nerve-wracking because she never called me, we only communicated through letters. She told me that my father was very sick but couldn't give me many details. She was very hard of hearing and knew nothing about his illness except that it was a "blood disease." My father had been divorced 3 times and after the 3rd one, he moved in with my grandma and they were great friends. I think it was a good arrangement for them both. After that phone call, I did a lot of thinking and soul searching and decided that I should visit my father.
My husband (who never met this side of my family) and I visited my father and grandma later that month. I was shocked at their condition. My father never got up from his chair and looked so frail and sick. My grandma was actually in better health than him despite her age, but she still obviously couldn't care for him in his sickness. She could barely get up from her chair and was very unsteady walking around. I tried to get details from my father about his health but he was confused and unable to tell me anything concrete. But he did tell me that hospice was coming to see him the next day. So we came back the next day to be there when the hospice intake nurse came. He was even more confused the next day, couldn't spell his middle name or answer questions clearly. I did my best to answer questions (even though I barely knew him since we had been estranged for so long) and provided my phone number as a contact for them. It was all incredibly overwhelming. That meeting ended with my father wanting a little more time to think about it before being officially admitted to hospice. My husband and I went back home and I was overwhelmed about everything.
A few days later, I got a phone call from hospice. My father had reached a point where he was incontinent and belligerent and my grandma called the phone number on the card the hospice worker had left from her visit because she was desperate for help. I was suddenly thrust into a situation of trying to make decisions for a man I barely knew states away. It was obvious my 97 year old grandmother could no longer care for him at home, so he was taken to the hospital. I was able to talk with his doctor over the phone who told me that he had leukemia. The treatment he had been receiving was not working and he estimated that my father had 6 weeks to live. He would be admitted to an inpatient hospice facility until he died. I barely was able to process that because there was another huge issue: who is going to look after my grandma after he dies?
(A little more family background here: my father has an older brother who lives out of state. The two brothers never got along and from what I hear, my uncle had the tendency to rub people the wrong way. My uncle only communicated with his mother - my grandma - through the occasional birthday and Christmas card. That uncle has 2 kids, my cousins, who live in the same state as my uncle. The older cousin calls my grandma once in a while. My grandma has distant relatives who live about 45 minutes away and visit very occasionally.)
My husband and I talked a lot and I decided that I needed to go and stay with my grandma while my dad was in hospice. I was able to work remotely and so was my husband, so we made the drive back to my grandma's house and stayed with her, taking her to visit my dad every day, cooking, cleaning, etc.
My dad died on May 31, 2022, only about a week after he was admitted to hospice. I handled all the logistics and planning of the funeral. My grandma, who was totally competent mentally, was stone cold deaf and emotionally unable to handle any of it, so I was left to do everything, despite barely knowing him and not really having the chance to process my own very complicated grief at losing an estranged parent. Fortunately he had the wisdom to take out a life insurance policy years before with me as the beneficiary and I was able to pay for the funeral with that money.
And instead of his death being the end of something, it was the beginning of the most stressful time in my adult life. I spent day and night looking into care options for my grandma. We finally got her some hearing aides (something my father never thought to do for her I guess) and I spent hours on the internet, researching what is covered by Medicare, if she was eligible for Medicaid, etc. I called her state's agency for aging, multiple home health aide companies, the works. We had to go back to our home state to resume our lives, and all the while, my mental energy was spent on worrying about her and running through every option for care over and over again.
And here we are, TWO YEARS LATER. My grandma is now 99 years old at the end of this month. In May of last year, my husband very unexpectedly and heartbreakingly lost his job of 12 years. After that happened, we decided it was time to pick up our lives and move in with my grandma. While we were living in our state and she alone in hers after my dad died, I called her pretty much every day to check on her. I was constantly anxious and on edge. We visited her as much as we could but it is a long drive and we couldn't always put our lives on hold to visit her.
We moved in in December. And it has absolutely been one of the hardest times of my life. My husband and I are in dire straits financially (he is still struggling to find consistent work and my work is seasonal, we're just getting into my busy season but honestly, I don't make a lot of money). My grandma can still barely hear with her hearing aides in so I always have to raise my voice to talk to her and repeat myself multiple times. I spend hours of my time taking her to doctor's appointments (which is not an easy feat because she is wheelchair bound outside of the home), on the phone with doctors, picking up medicine, etc. I feel constant pressure to make sure she cared for. Overall she is a pleasant person but she is also a master of Italian Catholic guilt and passive aggressiveness. There is no one else to help us. I feel like I am slowly dying inside little by little every day.
So if you've made it this far, here is where I am looking for reassurance. We have to go back to our home state multiple times this summer for family obligations and my work (I am a wedding photographer and contracted to photograph weddings this summer back home). For example, at the end of May, we have to be gone for over 2 weeks to go to multiple graduations of nieces and nephews, open houses, etc. And I feel extremely guilty for leaving.
Here is more about my grandma and her current status for context:

• She is perfectly coherent mentally. Totally capable of taking her own medicine (which is not too much considering her age).
• She has a shower aide come once a week to help her in the shower. She has a walk in shower with a chair and extendable shower head. She also had handles on the toilet we recently installed. She dresses herself every day.
• She is unsteady on her feet but relies on her walker in the house. She is good about using it and doesn't go without it.
• She still cooks a little, uses the stove to boil vegetables, etc. Uses the microwave for her instant coffee, soups and TV dinners. I cook dinners regularly and she will often eat what I make.
• She has Medicare and supplemental insurance. She is not eligible for Medicaid. She owns her house outright and has about $60,000 in savings. She is unwilling to pay for private home health aides to come in our absence and unfortunately, my husband and I cannot afford them.
• She was on hospice care after my dad died. Her PCP knew the situation, that she would be alone, so she referred to us to hospice so she would at least have a nurse check on her once a week. It was extremely hard to get her admitted and she was able to stay on their service up until a few weeks ago, when they booted her because she is not deteriorating. I understand that hospice is for end of life care and just because someone is 99 it doesn't mean they automatically qualify. But it's a little scary losing that safety net.
• I tried to enroll her in VA benefits because her husband was a veteran. They denied her because she makes too much in social security every month.
• She hates being alone and has brought up multiple times how worried she is to be alone while we're gone.

Here are the things we have set in place to help care for her in our absence:

• We have one camera set up in the living room where she spends most of her time. Only my husband and I can access the camera remotely via our phones when needed to check on her. I am going to talk to her about installing 2 more, one in the kitchen and one in her bedroom.
• She has a Life Alert that she wears around her neck. She very good about wearing it all the time.
• Her shower aide will be here once a week.
• She has 2 neighbors who are great about checking in on her when needed. They both have keys to the house. I also have a group text of a handful of people in the area she is friends with who have keys to the house and can come over in an emergency. I am going to text everyone to let them know the dates we will be gone and ask them to call and check on her regularly.

So my question is this: is this enough? Can I leave her and not feel guilty? I've spent countless hours and tears struggling with this question.
(Thank you to all of you who read all this and my prayers are with you on your own caregiving journeys!)

Hi all! I think I am just looking for mostly reassurance at this point. Here is my situation (buckle up, this is a long one):
I was estranged from my biological father and his family from my teen years until about 2 years ago. Long story short, my parents got divorced when I was 2, my mom moved me out of state when she married my stepfather and I spent every summer in childhood visiting my father's family. For context, I am the only child of my father (my mom had other children from a later marriage, my half siblings, my father never had any more kids). Around my teen years, those visits stopped and I just kept in contact with my biological grandmother on my dad's side through the occasional letters over the years. I have a lot of resentment toward my parents for their poor decision making and how it's affected so much of how I act in my relationships as an adult. I have sought out therapy and am doing my best to recover.
In May of 2022, I received a phone call from my paternal grandma (who was 97 at the time), which was so unusual and very nerve-wracking because she never called me, we only communicated through letters. She told me that my father was very sick but couldn't give me many details. She was very hard of hearing and knew nothing about his illness except that it was a "blood disease." My father had been divorced 3 times and after the 3rd one, he moved in with my grandma and they were great friends. I think it was a good arrangement for them both. After that phone call, I did a lot of thinking and soul searching and decided that I should visit my father.
My husband (who never met this side of my family) and I visited my father and grandma later that month. I was shocked at their condition. My father never got up from his chair and looked so frail and sick. My grandma was actually in better health than him despite her age, but she still obviously couldn't care for him in his sickness. She could barely get up from her chair and was very unsteady walking around. I tried to get details from my father about his health but he was confused and unable to tell me anything concrete. But he did tell me that hospice was coming to see him the next day. So we came back the next day to be there when the hospice intake nurse came. He was even more confused the next day, couldn't spell his middle name or answer questions clearly. I did my best to answer questions (even though I barely knew him since we had been estranged for so long) and provided my phone number as a contact for them. It was all incredibly overwhelming. That meeting ended with my father wanting a little more time to think about it before being officially admitted to hospice. My husband and I went back home and I was overwhelmed about everything.
A few days later, I got a phone call from hospice. My father had reached a point where he was incontinent and belligerent and my grandma called the phone number on the card the hospice worker had left from her visit because she was desperate for help. I was suddenly thrust into a situation of trying to make decisions for a man I barely knew states away. It was obvious my 97 year old grandmother could no longer care for him at home, so he was taken to the hospital. I was able to talk with his doctor over the phone who told me that he had leukemia. The treatment he had been receiving was not working and he estimated that my father had 6 weeks to live. He would be admitted to an inpatient hospice facility until he died. I barely was able to process that because there was another huge issue: who is going to look after my grandma after he dies?
(A little more family background here: my father has an older brother who lives out of state. The two brothers never got along and from what I hear, my uncle had the tendency to rub people the wrong way. My uncle only communicated with his mother - my grandma - through the occasional birthday and Christmas card. That uncle has 2 kids, my cousins, who live in the same state as my uncle. The older cousin calls my grandma once in a while. My grandma has distant relatives who live about 45 minutes away and visit very occasionally.)
My husband and I talked a lot and I decided that I needed to go and stay with my grandma while my dad was in hospice. I was able to work remotely and so was my husband, so we made the drive back to my grandma's house and stayed with her, taking her to visit my dad every day, cooking, cleaning, etc.
My dad died on May 31, 2022, only about a week after he was admitted to hospice. I handled all the logistics and planning of the funeral. My grandma, who was totally competent mentally, was stone cold deaf and emotionally unable to handle any of it, so I was left to do everything, despite barely knowing him and not really having the chance to process my own very complicated grief at losing an estranged parent. Fortunately he had the wisdom to take out a life insurance policy years before with me as the beneficiary and I was able to pay for the funeral with that money.
And instead of his death being the end of something, it was the beginning of the most stressful time in my adult life. I spent day and night looking into care options for my grandma. We finally got her some hearing aides (something my father never thought to do for her I guess) and I spent hours on the internet, researching what is covered by Medicare, if she was eligible for Medicaid, etc. I called her state's agency for aging, multiple home health aide companies, the works. We had to go back to our home state to resume our lives, and all the while, my mental energy was spent on worrying about her and running through every option for care over and over again.
And here we are, TWO YEARS LATER. My grandma is now 99 years old at the end of this month. In May of last year, my husband very unexpectedly and heartbreakingly lost his job of 12 years. After that happened, we decided it was time to pick up our lives and move in with my grandma. While we were living in our state and she alone in hers after my dad died, I called her pretty much every day to check on her. I was constantly anxious and on edge. We visited her as much as we could but it is a long drive and we couldn't always put our lives on hold to visit her.
We moved in in December. And it has absolutely been one of the hardest times of my life. My husband and I are in dire straits financially (he is still struggling to find consistent work and my work is seasonal, we're just getting into my busy season but honestly, I don't make a lot of money). My grandma can still barely hear with her hearing aides in so I always have to raise my voice to talk to her and repeat myself multiple times. I spend hours of my time taking her to doctor's appointments (which is not an easy feat because she is wheelchair bound outside of the home), on the phone with doctors, picking up medicine, etc. I feel constant pressure to make sure she cared for. Overall she is a pleasant person but she is also a master of Italian Catholic guilt and passive aggressiveness. There is no one else to help us. I feel like I am slowly dying inside little by little every day.
So if you've made it this far, here is where I am looking for reassurance. We have to go back to our home state multiple times this summer for family obligations and my work (I am a wedding photographer and contracted to photograph weddings this summer back home). For example, at the end of May, we have to be gone for over 2 weeks to go to multiple graduations of nieces and nephews, open houses, etc. And I feel extremely guilty for leaving.
Here is more about my grandma and her current status for context:

• She is perfectly coherent mentally. Totally capable of taking her own medicine (which is not too much considering her age).
• She has a shower aide come once a week to help her in the shower. She has a walk in shower with a chair and extendable shower head. She also had handles on the toilet we recently installed. She dresses herself every day.
• She is unsteady on her feet but relies on her walker in the house. She is good about using it and doesn't go without it.
• She still cooks a little, uses the stove to boil vegetables, etc. Uses the microwave for her instant coffee, soups and TV dinners. I cook dinners regularly and she will often eat what I make.
• She has Medicare and supplemental insurance. She is not eligible for Medicaid. She owns her house outright and has about $60,000 in savings. She is unwilling to pay for private home health aides to come in our absence and unfortunately, my husband and I cannot afford them.
• She was on hospice care after my dad died. Her PCP knew the situation, that she would be alone, so she referred to us to hospice so she would at least have a nurse check on her once a week. It was extremely hard to get her admitted and she was able to stay on their service up until a few weeks ago, when they booted her because she is not deteriorating. I understand that hospice is for end of life care and just because someone is 99 it doesn't mean they automatically qualify. But it's a little scary losing that safety net.
• I tried to enroll her in VA benefits because her husband was a veteran. They denied her because she makes too much in social security every month.
• She hates being alone and has brought up multiple times how worried she is to be alone while we're gone.

Here are the things we have set in place to help care for her in our absence:

• We have one camera set up in the living room where she spends most of her time. Only my husband and I can access the camera remotely via our phones when needed to check on her. I am going to talk to her about installing 2 more, one in the kitchen and one in her bedroom.
• She has a Life Alert that she wears around her neck. She very good about wearing it all the time.
• Her shower aide will be here once a week.
• She has 2 neighbors who are great about checking in on her when needed. They both have keys to the house. I also have a group text of a handful of people in the area she is friends with who have keys to the house and can come over in an emergency. I am going to text everyone to let them know the dates we will be gone and ask them to call and check on her regularly.

So my question is this: is this enough? Can I leave her and not feel guilty? I've spent countless hours and tears struggling with this question.
(Thank you to all of you who read all this and my prayers are with you on your own caregiving journeys!)

I first want to say, vets have an incredibly difficult job. TW: pet (dog) loss.
I moved with my 14-year old dog "Biscuit" from "Pottersville" to "Smallville" this past March (about 1.5 months ago). Biscuit had ailments (arthritis, fecal incontinence), but it was managed and I thought she was okay. We had a great vet office in Pottersville. The vets who saw her were very knowledgeable, but they also seemed caring, personable and warm without being saccharine. They remembered my dog and seemed to care about her. They also offered "walk-in appointments" with no additional charge and kept a credit card on file.
About 2 weeks after we moved here, we went to the vet because there was discharge coming from her vagina, and the "Dr. Woman" we saw put her on antibiotics, did a UTI test (negative) and said she likely had an infection. Biscuit started acting more lethargic but I chalked it up to the antibiotics (which never gave her any issues) and I was stressed from the move.
Then 3 days later Biscuit collapsed first thing in the morning so I drove to her new vet. They told me a walk-in appointment would be a $250 fee, which of course I agreed to. We were able to see "Dr. Man" (the clinic owner). He did ALL the tests and ultrasounds but couldn't figure out why she collapsed. He said there was an issue with her gallbladder (likely related to her incontinence and the recent infection), but that wouldn't have caused her collapse. He took her off the current antibiotics and put her on another, as well as other medication. Biscuit perked up when they gave her fluids so he said she was good to come home and monitor. The whole time he was very clinical and wasn't warm or very personable but I didn't really think about it.
So we go home and poor little Biscuit didn't have the strength to stand. I won't go into the details, but she passed about 5-10 minutes after we got home. I held her while she passed. I took Biscuit's body back to the vet and I went into a room to chat with the vet tech (who was lovely) about cremation, etc. Mr. Man comes in and goes, "what happened?", but the way he said it was cold and almost accusatory. He said it was likely a blood clot in the lungs, and there is nothing I could have done. Then he offered his condolences, but it felt robotic with no emotional but I didn't think much of it either. The vet tech was extremely sweet and caring.
I missed the pitter patter of doggy feet, so I adopted a senior dog last week :). I took "Cookie" to the same vet, Dr. Man, because I wanted to thank him for what he did for Biscuit and get Cookie checked out.
Immediately after Mr. Man comes into the room I thank him for all he did for Biscuit and that it was a really hard day and he just goes, "oh yeah". Then we talk about Cookie. I tell him her rescue gave me her food (grain-free kibble) and I wanted to talk to him about what she should be eating and he interrupts me and says, "I don't like grain-free", and it sounded so accusatory. Like dude, I said her rescue was giving it to her and that I wanted to get your recommendations. I'm not trying to hurt my dog! Then we're chatting more and I tell him I want to pick a new birthday for her instead of the date the rescue group rescued her and he seemed dismissive and said, "well usually people just use the rescue date, but I can just change the date in the computer." Again I felt like I had to defend myself and that he was judging me.
Lastly the vet tech was going to cut Cookie's nails but said she wasn't going to charge me since her "quicks" were long and she couldn't trim them. So as we're heading to leave, Mr. Man rushes back in the room and says hurryingly, "you didn't charge for the nail trim!".
The whole appointment left a bad taste in my mouth.
Again, being a vet is so hard and I understand that it might be easier to be detached and more clinical to cope through it. But do you think he could have been nicer? I think for Cookie, I'll see Dr. Woman next time, I don't think I want to see Dr. Man again. Is this enough to try a different vet?
Is this part of the "anger" phase in the grief cycle? Am I subconsciously angry at the vets, even though they did all they could for Biscuit? The $250 walk-in charge seems ridiculous too, what am I supposed to if there is another emergency?

I’ve seen several posts that discuss the idea that Taylor wants it both ways: She wants the rabid fan base who goes after her “enemies” and defends her every move, but she also wants them to let her live her life without having independent opinions about her or making judgments. She loves that she has an army of Swifties who will do her dirty work so she can keep her hands clean and uphold her girl next dooperpetual victim image. But she bristles when they criticize her choices or become “too” parasocial (calling them vipers, etc.).
It’s gotten so bad since she broke up with Joe that I feel like she’s trapped in an asylum that she built herself. She created these monsters who wish death on Travis’s ex-GF, Joe, [insert enemy of the moment], and the silence from her is absolutely deafening when she says nothing on her massive platform to tell them to lay off, that bullying people online is never something she would want, blah blah. She definitely does want that and I think enjoys it on some level.
BUT the flip side of being a narc is that she cannot handle any criticism, as we’ve seen from her many many feuds and inability to let things go. So when the Swifties took things “too far” by having an opinion about her dating Matty and his problematic history, she basically writes a diss track telling them to get a life.
Sorry ma’am but you raised them like this! You encouraged it all with the strategic “likes” and cryptic posts and Easter eggs and “lore” (😒) and comments dropped in interviews. You CULTivated the crazies and now they’re yours, appropriating asylum imagery and chaining themselves to the Arc de Triomphe like actual mentally ill people. It’s frankly embarrassing, like watching the MAGA crowd wearing diapers in solidarity with their incontinent Dear Leader.
To paraphrase her own lyrics, she built the asylum, let the patients run it, and now finds herself caught up in something that she no longer knows how to control. She could step up and finally tell them to stand down but she won’t; she needs the constant validation and praise too much. But I don’t think she likes it. Call it tortured poetic justice.

Hey everyone! This is my first time posting so please be gentle. I wrote a lot but only to vent and give context to the reason I’m asking the question.
So, I, 42 am a divorced mom of two biological boys (14&17). I met my now ex husband through bumble in 2019. I had been single for about 8 years at that point, had done a lot of self work, and was ready for a partner. In walked this guy, he checked a lot of the boxes I had although he wasn’t super cute and his sense of humor was hurtful (that second one should have been a red flag). He had three boys around my sons’ ages (now 13,16,19). His oldest son has severe autism with violent tendencies and the mother was suffering from pretty severe cptsd from him and had stepped back from taking him when I came into the picture. At the time my ex told me she was a shitty mom who just didn’t care about her son. I was gutting and it hooked me. Having work in the disability field for years before I became a hairstylist I knew I could help. Looking back it’s clear to me I fell in love with his children while settling for him but I digress.
There were things throughout the relationship that I felt were off but back then I loved painting and I painted every red flag the greenest color I could find! Everything started going south not long before he proposed. His mannerisms started changing, his personality and need for control increased and my voice got smaller and smaller. He went from be a moderate to a Trump loving conservative almost overnight. I had moved into his house a year in and had to beg for any space within it. It took 6 months to get a closet! I had mentioned to him early on I wasn’t interested in marriage and at that time we were on the same page. Two years in and he started dropping hints and I knew if I wanted this relationship to continue I would need to concede the marriage argument. At this point I thought that as long as things stay the way they are I would be ok with it. A few days later I see he ordered wedding bands off Amazon. I started to panic. Now to be fair to my ex I did tell him I didn’t want a fancy ring or a wedding but to put it on our joint Amazon account was weird, right? I told my mom about it and she caved and told me he was going to propose at the beach when we planed to go down just the two of us. I remember feeling trapped but knew I would say yes because to say no meant the end of the relationship. He proposed with a photo album of our five boys holding will you marry me signs. It was really sweet albeit really sloppy and seemingly last minute.
After the proposal I felt better. He seemed nicer, kinder, and happy and it put me on cloud nine.
Then wedding planning started. As I had stated before I told him I didn’t want a wedding but said I’d agree to do a court house thing and then have an epic party afterwards. He played to my empathy about my 80 year old dad wanting to walk me down the aisle. I wanted to pick a date a year or two out and he again used my dad’s health as a reason to do it in under three months. I know now that it was because he couldn’t keep up the mask for much longer. The entire wedding planning was done by me, for a wedding I didn’t want. I even bought a dress that I had no interest in buying all for him to have a second big wedding and he couldn’t even give input or help out in any way!
The day of the event he comes to me and says he has picked the song he wants to walk out to and it was “someone to bleed on” by The Rolling Stones. I explained that I’ve conceded everything for this wedding for him but I had chosen a song to walk in and out to and didn’t want that song. He changed it anyway so minutes after saying “I do”, blasting all over the loudspeaker is “we all want some to bleed on”. Nice. So very nice.
Two weeks into our marriage and I was still feeling off about the idea of being a wife. I had never nor had ever planned to get married but I was convinced it was just in my head and I’d settle down. That weekend we were headed to his brothers house for his moms birthday party. Ten minutes in and he had jumped onto the kids zip line and smashed into a tree snapping the rope and his collar bone in the process. The following weeks were of him getting as high as possible on pain pills and waking me up every ten minutes to help him with something. Going back to the doctors and pretending to be in so much pain that they gave him more. Mind you I’m caring for five boys, a household, oh and did I mention I own a salon suite too? It was madness. After two weeks of little sleep and too much simpathy, I was coming down the stairs in a rush because I had woken up late to find his oldest son (with autism) trying to give himself his liquid meds because I had sent him down to my ex to give him his meds before school. He had tried to wake him but couldn’t and didn’t want to get in trouble for not taking his meds so he tried to do it himself. For context, it’s a high powered sedative that in the wrong dose could kill him. I was livid. I snapped and shouted at the ex. I told him if he couldn’t get his shit together I was going to have to reach out to his family for support. He flipped out throwing things and yelling that I have betrayed his trust. He then proceeded to call and text me throughout the day while I was with clients to let me know how horrible I am. Next text would be I’m sorry. I’ll do better. The usually bs weak men give when they’ve been called out. I finally responded when he suggested I hold his drugs and give them out when it was time. I responded that I have enough kids to parents and didn’t need a sixth and that if he admits he has a problem with his addiction he needed to handle it. I’m a supporting role not his caregiver and nurse. This made him snap. When I went home that night I tried to explain that addiction was his responsibility and I’d be by his side every minute while he fought it but that it’s an inside job to fix and I wasn’t going to help him continue to abuse them or switch to a child/parent role to take care of him.
Three months later I had to have a hysterectomy. By accident the doctors found tumors and all sorts of fun little things in my lady bits. The surgery was five hours long due to the damage from end stage endometriosis. My ex had a work event about 45 minutes away from the hospital at Top Golf and asked me if I minded him going while I was in surgery. I didn’t have an issue with it but asked that he keep him phone on so I could reach him. He said he would. When I woke up he wasn’t there. No biggie. I didn’t expect him to be. I ask for my phone and try and call him. No answer. I try a few more times before calling his mom to see if she had heard from him. She told me he had said the nurse told him I’d be there for several more hours so he turned his phone off. I guess because I refused the pain meds after surgery I was able to go early. My demon in law snapped at me for being impatient (right…after…surgery). My ex got angry at me for my huffy post anesthesia voicemail and refused to speak to me on the ride home and made sure to hit every pothole just to show me!
Now I could go on and on but for the sake of the post I won’t. Just picture a year of that over and over again and you’ll get jest of my marriage. If I moved an item in the house I was wrong. If I questioned his opinion I was wrong. I was mocked by both him, one of his brothers, and his mom. While the rest of the family were lovely, I couldn’t understand why everyone found my exs behavior acceptable.
The final straw for me was after my dad was diagnosed with stage four esophageal cancer. He had been through radiation and chemotherapy and was super weak. We admitted him to the ER as one does. The outcome wasn’t looking good. I was spending every minute of free time with my dad. In truth, I was a little neglectful of my family but I felt it was warranted given the situation. My dad was moved to a nursing home 40 minutes away after 6 weeks in the hospital. He was delirious , bed bound, and incontinent. During his hospital stay his pressure sores got so bad they were to the bone. The patient to nurse staff was deplorable and my poor sweet dad was being neglected so my mom, sister, and I took turns being there to change and care for him. (spoiler* as of this post he is 81 and cancer free. Still bed bound but he’s alive and getting better every day!) During this time my ex would get upset that I wasn’t around. He would pick fights and get the kids to chime in making me feel guilty for seeing my dad over my family. When I would ask them to come only the boys would. My ex, the one time he came kept looking at his phone and ignoring everyone like a sulking teenager. One night on my way home from seeing my dad I was crying on the phone to my ex. The evening before my dad has an episode of sundowning and smashed his forehead with the metal pole used to hold his feeding tube food. While trying to tear the tube out of his stomach the pole came crashing down on his face. He should have gotten stitches but by the time the nursing staff checked on him the bleeding had stopped. Seeing him like that, this strong sweet gentle man, I just broken down. My ex, out of the blue offered for us to bring my dad home to live with us and before anyone asks why my mom couldn’t take him, she has (and beautifully I may add) but when all of this was going down she was having health issues of her own plus given her age us siblings felt better if she wasn’t the primary caregiver if possible.
To say I was elated was an understatement. When I got home that night I was so full of love for my ex. We had a long conversation about what it would mean for us and it was decided that night. I called my mom excitedly to tell her the news. My mom and I started calling around to get a hospital bed, in home nursing care, the works. A few nights later I’m talking my ex about all the things my mom and I had set up that day when he gets quiet. By this point in our relationshit I knew what was coming; he then tells me that this is moving too fast (although this situation had been going on for months and the topic of parental care responsibilities had been discussed throughout our relationship ad nauseam). An argument ensued and something in me that night snapped. The last string of love was cut. I stopped speaking. Days go by and he asked me what it would take for me to get back to normal. I tell him until he is willing to go to therapy with me and make the changes necessary I don’t see this working. This man took a whole ass month to finally agree and by that time those 30 long no talking days showed me just how little I meant to him. The day he agreed to therapy he packed his three boys up and headed down to his mother’s beach house while I was at work, leaving my oldest home and left out. My son who he promised to adopted and said he saw as his own. My son and I sat in that house that night dumbfounded. While down at the beach he over drafted our joint bank account for tires for his truck when he knew the joint account was for bills only as we keep our bank accounts separate. He stayed an extra day and didn’t bother communicating anything. When he got home we got into a fight after I wasn’t bounding down the steps to see him. He blew up at me about not wanting to file taxes with him because he owes a lot of back taxes and this man says “then what’s the point of even being married to you?” I left that day.
He took his sons and left and I got a U-Haul and hauled it out of there. I left everything I couldn’t fit into that thing. For the next two months I received no less than 80 texts and 10+ calls every day from my ex. Meanwhile I’m trying to find a place to live, buy all new things, and transition my sons and my step sons to this new normal. In between him calling me he got ahold of our phone bill (my hair clients and friends) and started calling anyone he could to slander my name. It was hell. He was drinking and I’m sure using drugs. He used his family to get information out of me. I was a mess. I finally filed a restraining order when he went to rehab in hopes of sending a clear message to be left alone. The week before a state trouper had put an extreme PO on him after finding him drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor with loaded guns around. (This is a daily thing in our house by that point, finding loaded guns around and taking the firing pins out to make them useless after years of trying to keep them secure.)
We were officially divorce after he got out of rehab. Thanks to my mom’s insistence on a prenup I didn’t even have to be at my own divorce because he couldn’t get anything from me or my business. The protective order was in place and I was feeling good about things. Once or twice I’d see a truck that looked exactly like his drive by my street. The state trooper who had put the ERPO on my ex had warned me to install cameras so I have them out all over my house.
It’s been just over a year since then and my life is worlds better now but I just received notification that my ex is trying to shield my protective order. The order is over now and because it wasn’t violated it won’t be renewed. So here’s where I get to my point, my PO isn’t the first he’s received. To my knowledge he has had four that are known. Four he has shielded already. If those women were able to keep them from being hidden I would have seen them when I did a back ground check on him. #onlinedating So would I be the asshole for pleading the court not to shield the order? He has a high paying job and his field of work in no way would be impacted by this. Just in case you want to make a claim for that.
And in case you were worried about his boys, we see them all the time thanks to their mom and her ptsd has been much better and she was able to regain full custody of their oldest. She and the boys are a blessing to our lives!

TLDR : I love my partner and want a future with her but she keeps slipping into binge drinking. What should I do?
Context seems prevalent in these kinds of situations so here it goes. I want to preface that my mother has Alcoholic abuse disorder so it’s all very vexing for me to be a part of. I love my partner dearly. She (like my mother) is an amazing person and I try to see past the disorder so that resentment, self-blame, and everything else that comes with being close to people with this disorder doesn’t affect my mental health or my love for them too much. Okay, proceeding.
I’ve (30M) known my partner (27F) for 7 years. When we met we were co-workers and young so typical of that age we drank at parties and social events and we got to know each other pretty well. We were both in relationships at the time but we stayed friends. Her relationship was 5+ years of abuse. She was also toxic from what I understand, more immature and irresponsible than violent. This matters to explain where and when the drinking disorder apparently started.
Fast forward some years, I’m single and she’s still dealing with her on/off ex but she’s dating outside of that. We reconnect and we start dating again. It was all ideal as she’s a yoga instructor, and I’m a personal trainer. We were both in school. We were both looking for stability and we’ve always had very good chemistry. It took us almost a year to become official as I had to make sure it was worth gettin back into a relationship. Over this time I drink wine on my days off and she didn’t show any signs of abuse when she would come over on the weekends to my place.
We become official during the pandemic and this is when I made the first mistake. She opened up to me about how bad her drinking had gotten during her relationship. We made promises to each other to both stop drinking and focus on a future of health and wellness. We’re both health students (I’m a nutrition major, and she’s in health admin). Her parents (they become a big issue later) are medical health professionals so in my head, it’s all just perfect. So the pandemic gets rough for me financially and academically as I’m an essential worker and my rent sky rockets. My mental health is also going down hill due to gyms closing and having roommates in a very expensive city. Not complaining, but it leads to a very important life change in a minute, and my second big mistake if I’m being honest.
My partner and her parents offer me to stay with them, paying less rent while me and my partner save up money and finish our education, then find our own place and have a nice little cushion. Her parents are elderly and disabled, my partner and I are both young and able. They save money and we do the same. This seems like a great plan for everyone. About 5 months in, her dad, who was the breadwinner has a very bad stroke, completely disabled on one side of his body, very disorganized speech, and incontinence (for at least a year). My partner and I are both in school, both working, and now caregivers for her father. Her parents have been together 30 years and now suddenly in this extremely unconventional situation, they don’t have each other completely. The first year was devastating for everyone. Now, I love my partner and I want to marry her. Still, sometimes I feel like my third mistake was staying to help her through it. This situation quickly progressed into utter havoc as all this unlocks decades worth of trauma for my partner and her mother that I just didn’t see coming. They are having constant mental breakdowns. I’ve had a terrible childhood and consider myself pretty adaptable, but I started getting therapy at that point because JESUS, I was losing my mind. She also got therapy. My therapy helped A LOT. Her’s apparently didn’t do as much. This lasted 3 years. Actually up till maybe 2.5 weeks ago.
Although it was hard, she graduated cum laude. I also graduated lol. She’s very much more academically gifted than me, one of the reasons I love her. During the 2+ years of this situation, my partner slipped back into the bad drinking habits. She would lie about it out of shame. She would hide bottles. But up to the first slip (another mistake by not dipping at the first slip) she was sober for close to a year. We communicated every time (about 4 times) about how the situation was triggering her depression, anxiety, trauma etc. we talked about how things would be different when we got through it. When we got our own place. So 2.5 weeks ago, her parents moved to Florida to be close to their family and officially retire with what they have left.
Okay so present time : I came home from work the other day and my partner was drunk. I’m devastated. She lied, but at this point, I know all the signs. We talked again, as usual. About therapy and doing better, and being better. Now, growing up, my mother had this disorder and I know that no amount of love from changed her. She went to for 2 years, which forced her to quit and even then, she got into more legal trouble while drinking. I have very strict boundaries with my mother due to her disorder. My fear is that I stay with my partner and potentially recreate this relationship, or I end up leaving my partner after everything we went through.
Truthfully, I don’t know what else to do. Love isn’t going to fix this, I know. Will this get worse? Probably. Do I still have hope for the future I’ve imagined with her? Yes, if course. But what do I do?
If anyone has any advice, please 🙏🏿

I’m 28 and a male. I started having issues about 4 years ago, after an accident. Progressively, my ability to regulate the urge to go worsened. 2 years ago, things became intrusive enough that I finally opened up to my GP and he recommended me to a urologist and a neurologist. After 18 months of urodynamics, prostate checks, scans, and attempts at different treatments, we’ve arrived at neurogenic bladder.
(I want to add that there was a period of time between my accident and the onset of my issues. There were three years between my accident and my bladder problems.)
The first course of actions was Botox and that didn’t work. We tried meds. We tried electric stimulation and physical therapy. We tried lifestyle changes and occupational therapy.
Right now we’ve landed at a catheter or padded protection. I’m not eligible for the surgery to have an electronic device put on my bladder (or nerves maybe?). I refuse catheters. Honestly, the diapers are fine.
Here’s my main issue. Who the fuck is going to take me seriously when I smell like pee, or crinkle when I walk, or look awkward because I have half an inch of plastic and fabric duct taped to my waist? How do I date anyone? How do I sit down with my friends and have a good time without thinking about the fact that I have diaper on?
I foresee a career change. My current job requires a lot of lifting, bending, stretching, extending, and I show the little onesie I’m forced to wear to people accidentally almost every day. Right now the lie we’re living is “I just keep my undershirt tucked in.” I’m terrified to bring all of this up to my employer but I know I’m super overdue. I have to talk to my employer about a private space for changes, if they’re needed.
I like the job and my company. But I’m considering a less physical job and it’s upsetting.
I’m not exactly a big manly man. I’m not trying to be tough or anything. I just wish I didn’t have to filter my human interactions through the lens of “getting caught.” I wish there wasn’t a stigma, but unfortunately there is. That’s the reality we live in.
I’ve been in therapy for two months now, and I guess I can say that is helping? It might be changing the way I frame my incontinence in my mind. I absolutely loath sitting down with another person and talking openly about accidents, leaks, and the fact I don’t have control over my own body.
My therapist suggests I find a supportive community. So here we are.
Thanks!

Hey everyone! This is my first time posting so please be gentle. So, I, 42 am a divorced mom of two biological boys (14&17). I met my now ex husband through bumble in 2019. I had been single for about 8 years at that point, had done a lot of self work, and was ready for a partner. In walked this guy, he checked a lot of the boxes I had although wasn’t super cute and his sense of humor was hurtful (that second one should have been a red flag). He had three boys around my sons’ ages (now 13,16,19). His oldest son has severe autism with violent tendencies and the mother was suffering from pretty severe cptsd from him and had stepped back from taking him when I came into the picture. At the time my ex told me she was a shitty mom who just didn’t care about her son. I was gutting and it hooked me. Having work in the disability field for years before I became a hairstylist I knew I could help. Looking back it’s clear to me I fell in love with his children while settling for him but I digress. There were things throughout the relationship that I felt were off but back then I loved painting and I painted every red flag the greenest color I could find! Everything started going south not long before he proposed. His mannerisms started changing, his personality and need for control increased and my voice got smaller and smaller. He went from be a moderate to a Trump loving conservative almost overnight. I had moved into his house a year in and had to beg for any space within it. It took 6 months to get a closet! I had mentioned to him early on I wasn’t interested in marriage and at that time we were on the same page. Two years in and he started dropping hints and I knew if I wanted this relationship to continue I would need to concede the marriage argument. At this point I thought that as long as things stay the way they are I would be ok with it. A few days later I see he ordered wedding bands off Amazon. I started to panic. Now to be fair to my ex I did tell him I didn’t want a fancy ring or a wedding but to put it on our joint Amazon account was weird, right? I told my mom about it and she caved and told me he was going to propose at the beach when we planed to go down just the two of us. I remember feeling trapped but knew I would say yes because to say no meant the end of the relationship. He proposed with a photo album of our five boys holding will you marry me signs. It was really sweet. After the proposal I felt better. He seemed nicer, kinder, and happy and it put me on cloud nine. Then wedding planning started. As I had stated before I told him I wanted just to do a court house thing and then have an epic party afterwards. He played to my empathy about my 80 year old dad wanting to walk me down the aisle. I wanted to pick a date a year or two out and he again used my dad’s health as a reason to do it in under three months. I know now that it was because he couldn’t keep up the mask for much longer. The entire wedding planning was done by me, for a wedding I didn’t want. I even bought a dress that I had no interest in buying all for him to have a second big wedding and he couldn’t even give input or help out in any way! The day of the event he comes to me and says he has picked the song he wants to walk out to and it was “someone to bleed on” by The Rolling Stones. I explained that I’ve conceded everything for this wedding for him but I had chosen a song to walk in and out to and didn’t want that song. He changed it anyway so minutes after saying “I do”, blasting all over the loudspeaker is “we all want some to bleed on”. Nice. So very nice. Two weeks into our marriage and I was still feeling off about the idea of being a wife. I was convinced it was just in my head and I’d settle down. That weekend we were headed to his brothers house for his moms birthday party. Ten minutes in and he had jumped onto the kids zip line and smashed into a tree snapping the rop and his collar bone in the process. The following weeks were of him getting as high as possible on pain pills and waking me up every ten minutes to help him with something. Going back to the doctors and pretending to be in so much pain that they gave him more. Mind you I’m carrying for five boys, a household, oh and did I mention I own a salon suite too? It was madness. After two weeks of little sleep and too much simpathy I was coming down the stairs in a rush because I had woken up late to find his oldest son (with autism) trying to give himself his liquid meds because I had sent him down to my ex to give him his meds before school. He had tried to wake him but couldn’t and didn’t want to get in trouble for not taking his meds so he tried to do it himself. For context, it’s a high powered sedative that in the wrong dose could kill him. I was livid. I snapped and shouted at the ex. Now I could go on and on but for the sake of the post I won’t. Just picture a year of that last story over and over again and you’ll get jest of my marriage. If I moved an item in the house I was wrong. If I questioned his opinion I was wrong. I was mocked by both him, one of his brothers, and his mom. While the rest of the family were lovely, I couldn’t understand why everyone found my exs behavior acceptable. The final straw for me was after my dad was diagnosed with stage four esophageal cancer. He had been through radiation and chemotherapy and was super weak. We admitted him to the er as one does. The outcome wasn’t looking good. I was spending every minute of free time with my dad. In truth I was a little neglectful of my family but I felt that it was warranted given the situation. My dad was moved to a nursing home 40 minutes away after 6 weeks in the hospital. He was delirious , bed bound, and incontinent. During his hospital stay his pressure sores got so bad they were to the bone. The patient to nurse staff was deplorable and my poor sweet dad was being neglected so my mom, sister, and I took turns being there to change and care for him. (spoiler* as of this post he is 81 and cancer free. Still be bound but he’s alive!) During this time my ex would get upset that I wasn’t around. He would pick fights and get the kids to chime in making me feel guilty for seeing my dad over my family. When I would ask them to come only the boys would. My ex, the one time he came kept looking at his phone and ignoring everyone like a sulking teenager. One night on my way home from seeing my dad I was crying on the phone to my ex. The evening before my dad has an episode of sundowning and smashed his forehead with the metal pole used to hold his feeding tube food. While trying to tear the tube out of his stomach the pole came crashing down on his face. He should have gotten stitches but by the time the nursing staff checked on him the bleeding had stopped. Seeing him like that, this strong sweet gentle man, I just broken down. My ex, out of the blue offered for us to bring my dad home to live with us and before anyone asks why my mom couldn’t take him, she has (and beautifully I may add) but when all of this was going down she was having health issues of her own plus given her age us siblings felt better if she wasn’t the primary caregiver if possible. To say I was elated was an understatement. When I got home that night I was so full of love for my ex. We had a long conversation about what it would mean for us and it was decided that night. I called my mom excitedly to tell her the news. My mom and I started calling around to get a hospital bed, in home nursing care, the works. A few nights later I’m talking my ex about all the things my mom and I had set up that day when he gets quiet. By this point in our relationshit I knew what was coming; he then tells me that this is moving too fast (although this situation had been going on for months and the topic of parental care responsibilities had been discussed throughout our relationship ad nauseam). An argument ensued and something in me that night snapped. The last string of love was cut. I stopped speaking. Days go by and he asked me what it would take for me to get back to normal. I tell him until he is willing to go to therapy with me and make the changes necessary I don’t see this working. This man took a whole ass month to finally agree and by that time those 30 long no talking days showed me just how little I meant to him. The day he agreed he packed his three boys up and headed down to his mother’s beach house while I was at work, leaving my oldest home and left out. My son who he promised to adopted and said he saw as his own. My son and I sat in that house that night dumbfounded. While down at the beach he over drafted our joint back account for tires for his truck when he knew the joint account was for bills only as we keep our bank accounts separate. He stayed an extra day and didn’t bother communicating anything. When he got home we got into a fight after I wasn’t bounding down the steps to see him. He blew up at me about not wanting to file taxes with him because he owes a lot of back taxes and this man says “then what’s the point of even being married to you?” I left that day. He took his sons and left and I got a U-Haul and hauled it out of there. I left everything I couldn’t fit into that thing. For the next two months I received no less than 80 texts and 10+ calls from my ex. Meanwhile I’m trying to find a place to live, buy all new things, and transition my sons and my step sons to this new normal. In between him calling me he got ahold of our phone bill (my hair clients and friends) and started calling anyone he could to slander my name. It was hell. He was drinking and I’m sure using drugs. He used his family to get information out of me. I was a mess. I finally filed a restraining order when he went to rehab in hopes of sending a clear message to be left alone. We were officially divorce after he got out of rehab. Thanks to my mom’s insistence on a prenup I didn’t even have to be at my own divorce because he couldn’t get anything from me or my business. The protective order was in place and I was feeling good about things. Once or twice I’d see a truck that looked exactly like his drive by my street. The state trooper who had put an ERPO on my ex had warned me to install cameras so I have them out all over my house. It’s been just over a year since then and my life is worlds better now but I just received notification that my ex is trying to shield my protective order. The order is over now and because it wasn’t violated it won’t be renewed. So here’s where I get to my point, my PO isn’t the first he’s received. To my knowledge he has had four that are known. Four he has shielded already. If those women were able to keep them from being hidden I would have seen them when I did a back ground check on him. #onlinedating So would I be the asshole for pleading the court not to shield the order? He has a high paying job and his field of work in no way would be impacted by this. Just in case you want to make a claim for that. And in case you were worried about his boys, we see them all the time thanks to their mom and her ptsd has been much better and she was able to regain full custody or their oldest. She and the boys are a blessing to our lives!

Hey all, so my wife got me and the family a surprise English Bulldog puppy for our 20 year anniversary. I've always wanted one and she went above and beyond with this gift and I am head over heels in love with this puppy. She's about 16 weeks old now, is not spayed, weighs probably close to 20 lbs by now, and we've had a really rough 5+ weeks with her since we got her. I don't want to write a novel here, but a lot has happened in a short amount of time and I want everyone that takes the time to read this and respond to fully understand whats going on, because I'm desperate for some genuine advice or feedback of any kind at this point. If you want me to upload any documentation like medical records, test results, x rays, ultrasound pics, etc. just let me know.
We have been having serious health issues with her since we brought her home the afternoon of Thursday 3/21. She was having very loose stools that would cause blood to leak out of her rectum after each bowel movement and trickle down her backside, to the point where she needed to be quickly wiped down after each bowel movement or the blood would trickle down and reach her vagina. So, we took her to the ER the next night on Friday 3/22 @ 10:30pm because it wasn't stopping or improving. The doctor and I both found it very hard to believe that this issue was not present before we took her home from the breeder. It couldn't just suddenly get this bad.
The ER documentation we were provided that night states:
"Puppy was presented for evaluation of hematochezia (progressing from loose but formed stool) and one episode of vomiting. Puppy was adopted yesterday from a breeder and she is still interested in eating and has a normal energy level. Puppy already has her first veterinary appointment scheduled for Wednesday."
Since she was so young and was still not fully vaccinated they needed to quarantine her and do a Parvo SNAP test, among other things. The treatment notes state:
"Puppy was brought to isolation and a Parvo SNAP test was run which returned as negative. Assessment took place which revealed a malocclusion and blood in the rectum. Puppy was otherwise bright, alert, and responsive and was barking. Her energy level seemed appropriate. Discussion with the owner took place. Radiographs were discussed but declined at this time. Cerenia was offered for nausea but declined. Puppy was discharged to be managed as an outpatient."
She was then discharged and we were given the below medications:
Panacur Suspension 100mg/ml per ml Please give 2.75 mL by mouth ONCE daily for three days until finished
Pro-Pectalin Anti-Diarrheal Gel 30ml Please give 1 mL by mouth every 8 hours as needed for loose stool
Unfortunately, things did not improve with the medications over the weekend, and thanks to the puppy time app I was using to track everything, we also noticed that she was having many accidents in the house and was urinating very small amounts every 5-15 minutes since we got her on Thursday. We assumed she had a small bladder since she wasn't even 12 weeks old yet, and research online showed that English Bulldogs can have smaller bladders than other breeds. So, we weren't concerned about that yet and just began walking her every 30 minutes or so instead of every 2 hours as we were instructed to do by the breeder.
As her condition worsened over the weekend our concerns grew, so we called the Vet she had her first appointment scheduled with for Wednesday 3/27, first thing the morning of Monday 3/25 when they opened. We explained the issues we were having and they wanted to see her right away instead of waiting.
A wellness exam and a Fecal DX Profile were done that day and no ova or parasites were found in her stool sample, so she did not have worms and the Vet was unsure why she was bleeding from her rectum so much with each bowel movement. We discussed the pee situation, and the Vet was worried that if this was going on before we got her, that blood could have gotten into her urinary tract and caused a UTI or something, but it was too early to tell without more testing.
She also received her first DA2PP vaccine, a free 1 month sample dose of Simparica TRIO for 11.1-22 lb puppies, though we were told not to give it to her until the diarrhea improved, and we didn't end up giving it to her until after Tuesday 4/9. We also were given a Proviable-Forte Small Dog Kit which included Proviable-KP paste, plus 15 Proviable-Forte sprinkle capsules. These contain probiotics and prebiotics that are meant to help firm up loose stools and help reinstate a healthy intestinal balance. I asked about her receiving other vaccines and was told we should wait until she's feeling better, so we scheduled a follow up for Wednesday 4/17 and were told to call back if things didn't improve in a few days, and that next time we should bring a urine sample along with the stool sample.
Things did not improve so I called the Vet again on Wednesday 3/27 and they gave us Royal Canin Veterinary Diet Puppy Gastrointestinal Dry Dog food. We stopped what we were feeding her which was a mix of Blue Buffalo Wilderness with Chicken/life source bits for puppy dry food, mixed with the dry food the breeder provided us with, and started feeding her the new Gastrointestinal Dry Dog Food exclusively.
With the new food and the medicine we were giving her, her loose stools began to improve enough to where there was still blood with each loose bowel movement, but not enough for it to run down her backside so quickly it needed to be wiped right away, but still enough where we had to continue to wipe her rectum before going inside or a good amount of blood would get on whatever she sat down on first.
Things stayed about the same from Wednesday 3/27 until Saturday 3/30 when I first noticed blood in her urine on the pee pads where she sleeps at night. As this continued, we saw the Vet again on the following Wednesday, 4/3 where she was given a full physical for inappropriate urination and blood being visible in her urine and stool. The notes from that visit state:
"What changes have you been noticing: has always been a frequent peer outside and having accidents in the house with the presence of blood. When did you first notice this: past 3-4 days Accidents in the house: 5-6 times an hour. Any blood/straining: blood in urine and stool, does "squat" to urinate an excessive amount of times. Increased drinking/urination: has to urinate multiple times a day, is looking for water a lot more. Leaking any urine while sleeping: yes, sees pee spots on the pads where she sleeps.".
The assessment notes from that visit state:
"Pollakiuria, pyuria, hematuria, rods in urine: UTI. Chronic soft stools with some blood, rule out parasites, food intolerance, dietary indiscretion.".
So this is when we first found out that she had a "very bad UTI" as the Vet put it, with an abnormally high amount of red and white blood cells being present in her urine. This was on Wednesday 4/3, less than 2 weeks had passed since we brought her home and she had blood in her stool and urine. Again, the first sign of blood in her urine was on Saturday 3/30, only 9 days after we brought her home. Based on our experience with her since we took her home, the Vet and I agreed that clearly the UTI was present when she came home with us, likely from the blood leaking from her rectum into her vagina, and it continued to get worse as it was left untreated for a week while we focused on her stool issues and assumed her frequent urination in the house was just because of her age and a small bladder.
So, we treated the UTI with Clavicillin 62.5mg at 1.5 tablets 2 times a day and were told to expect her to stop urinating so little so often within a few days, and to continue with the special GI diet food only. They also did another Fecal Dx Profile, this time with a Giardia - Idexx test adeed, whatever that is, even though the last profile did not show any signs of parasites or worms, because there was still enough blood in her stools to cause concerns. They also provided us with Metronidazole 50mg at 2 tablets 2 times per day, and Panacur 20 gm, which was to treat her for worms just in case she had them and they were getting a false negative. For your reference, the additional Fecal Dx Profile from today also showed no presence of worms or parasites.
We stuck with what the Vet was saying since they're very reputable and well respected in our area. They've been rated as the best vet in the entire county for 2 years straight, and they've been really great thus far. So we followed their treatment plan in hopes that things would improve. Unfortunately, they did not.
Two days later on Friday 4/5 I called the Vet to say there was still blood in her urine and now wete noticing that she sounds like she's struggling when urinating, almost like she was constipated, and according to the puppy time app I was using to track everything, she was now urinating even more frequently and having more accidents in the house. To put it into perspective, she was squatting 6-12 times to pee on normal 5-10 minute walks every 30 minutes, and was having 6 or so accidents in the house in between those walks. Also, if we took her with us to the park for a few hours with the kids, she would squat every few minutes the entire time. Eventually there was nothing coming out, but she clearly felt like she had to go since she was squatting so much.
They had me come pickup 5 tablets of Vetprofen 25mg to help with the pain over the weekend while they expected things to improve with the antibiotic that was supposed to treat her UTI. On Monday 4/8 when the vet opened again, I called to say there was still blood in her urine and she seemed to be urinating even more frequently now. So, we brought her in to the Vet again that day, Monday 4/8, and their assessment notes state:
"hematuria, pyuria: rule out resistant UTI, stones, congenital malformation"
They did another urine test, which found that there was no longer any bacteria present, but there was still very high amounts of red and white blood cells in her urine. They also did blood work (CBC/Chem 10) to check if there were any issues with her kidneys and such, and we took xrays to check for bladder stones. They found no stones and her blood work came back fine.
Now the plan was to continue with the antibiotic, start giving her Gabapentin for the pain and discomfort and we were told that if things didn't improve, the next step was to get an ultrasound to look for congenital defects or issues with her bladder or kidneys or what have you. We were told they only do the ultrasounds on Tuesdays and were all booked up for the next day, Tuesday 4/9, so we booked an appointment for the ultrasound for next Tuesday, 4/16 and just had to try and keep her as comfortable as possible while we waited, and hope that the antibiotic and other meds she was taking at this point would help.
Well, things did not improve while we waited for the ultrasound appointment. By Tuesday 4/16 there was still blood in her urine and stool, and she was still urinating very small amounts very frequently inside and out.
So, we dropped her off for the ultrasound and while waiting to do the procedure the Vet and staff confirmed what we were saying. They kept her at the front desk and walked her every 30 mins and saw how many times she was squatting outside on short walks, and how many small accidents she was having inside in between.
Notes from that day state:
"Reason for tech visit: Drop off for AUS, cysto and urine culture Concerns to note: still having diarrhea even with prescription food but much less blood seen Services performed: abdominal ultrasound Still noticing blood in urine and having accidents - they do walk her about every 30 minutes. At child's baseball game this weekend she was urinating once every 5 minutes for 2 hours - still straining to urinate. Has been walked three times already this morning by our staff. Could not get cystocentesis sample because she is urinating so frequently and bladder is thick and empty. Recommend send out culture from free catch and start Enrofloxacin.".
So, they tried to collect a urine sample to do a full urine culture directly from her bladder during the procedure, but couldn't. So they kept her for longer afterwards, gave her water, and captured enough urine while walking her over the next couple hours to send it out for culture.
The abdominal ultrasound study report from the technician stated:
"Conclusions: Thickened, irregular urinary bladder with cellular debris: O cystitis vs TCC (unlikely) Mesenteric lymphadenopathy: O reactive, common finding in young canines.
Treatment plan: The urinary bladder changes are likely secondary to cystitis and not TCC given this puppies age. Recommend submitting urine culture (despite urine sediment results) via cystocentesis and if positive, treat according to MIC for 2-3 weeks with recheck urine culture 3-5 days after completion of antibiotic to assure resolution and rule out antimicrobial resistance. If urine culture is negative and hematuria persists, recommend submitting CADET BRAF."
The abdominal study report from the technician also stated:
"1. The liver appears within normal limits in size and echogenicity without evidence of mass or cyst. No evidence of intrahepatic biliary dilatation is seen. 2. Normal gallbladder. 3. No definite abnormality of the pancreas is seen. 4. No GI masses seen. No foreign body seen. The stomach and intestines are normal in thickness. Several enlarged mesenteric lymph nodes are seen. 5. The spleen is normal. 6. Left kidney measuring 5 cm. There is no evidence of hydronephrosis, mass, cyst, stone or perinephric fluid collection on the left kidney. Right kidney measuring 5.5 cm. There is no evidence of hydronephrosis, mass, cyst, stone or perinephric fluid collection on the right kidney. Renal architecture and size are normal. The adrenal glands appear normal (0.35cm-0.4cm). 7. No definite abnormality of the aorta, caudal vena cava, or common iliac arteries is seen. 8. The urinary bladder is moderately thickened and irregular (0.3cm-0.8cm) and contains cellular debris. 9. No evidence of ascites is seen."
It also states:
"Conclusions: Thickened, irregular urinary bladder with cellular debris: O cystitis vs TCC (unlikely) Mesenteric lymphadenopathy: O reactive, common finding in young canines.
Treatment plan: The urinary bladder changes are likely secondary to cystitis and not TCC given this patients age. Recommend submitting urine culture (despite urine sediment results) via cystocentesis and if positive, treat according to MIC for 2-3 weeks with recheck urine culture 3-5 days after completion of antibiotic to assure resolution and rule out antimicrobial resistance. If urine culture is negative and hematuria persists, recommend submitting CADET BRAF."
The study quality was noted as being excellent, and the indications were:
"unresolved UTI symptoms, O resistant UTI, stones, congenital malformation, hematuria and pyuria".
So, the ultrasound found that she was suffering from Cystitis and that her bladder lining was very inflamed. The technician said they'd never seen such an inflamed bladder on a puppy of this age before. They ordered another urine test, this time with a full culture so they could find out exactly what is going on in her bladder. They also started her on another antibiotic, Enrofloxacin 22.7mg at 2 tablets once every 24 hours. She also received the remaining required vaccinations that day as well.
We got the results of the urine culture back on Monday 4/22 and it showed that the bacteria was in her bladder lining wall and was e coli based (yep, likely from the blood) and that it was not resistant to the antibiotics we'd been giving her all along. So, we continued with the Enrofloxacin and things finally started to improve a little over the last 6 days.
There's no more blood visible in her urine, and her bladder seems to be increasing in size as the inflammation goes down and she's drinking and peeing more while we continue the antibiotics, but she's still having just as many accidents in the house, they're just larger in volume now. The blood is also gone from her stools now too, even though they're still really loose.
Despite the improvements, the last 3-4 days have still been rough. Now she's literally leaking urine. She can be standing and eating from her food dish and she won't even squat to pee, it just comes out while she's standing. Not a lot, but more than a few drops. Enough to form a small 2-3 inch puddle on the hardwood floor.
She's also leaking slowly while sleeping or relaxing now. We see big wet spots in her bed after naps and sleeps and smalls spots on our cloths if she sits on our laps for a bit. She was sleeping on my chest last night and I could actually feel individual drops on the skin of my leg every minute or so for 10+ minutes straight.
I'm at a loss for words at this point. What could it be now? Is the bladder a muscle, and it's just getting to be close to a normal size for the first time and she just hasn't developed the ability to hold it yet? Or is it something more serious or permanent?
So yeah, potty training has pretty much been impossible since we got her and have had all these issues, but we've done our best by walking her every 30 minutes, and taking her outside immediately after every accident and rewarding her for peeing outside. Still no change though. She's still squatting 6-12 times on short walks with 6 or so accidents inside in between. She's a perfectly normal and happy go lucky puppy with a great attitude and temperament otherwise. She's learned to sit and stay and seems intelligent, so she should be picking up on the fact that accidents are unwelcome and thst she should be going outside. She's just clearly still struggling, and so are we.
At this point I'm trying to figure out if I'm doing something wrong here. Or multiple things wrong. We've spent more on vet bills since we got her than we did to purchase her from the breeder. And she came with a 30 day health guarantee and a 5 year congenital defect guarantee. We've been in touch with the breeder since night 2 when we took her to the ER and they said they'd refund us for the ER bill because it was odd and she had no signs of any of this before we took her home, but they haven't responded to us at all since then. Complete radio silence since 3/22. They're deliberately ignoring our calls, voice messages, texts, emails and all the medical records and invoices we've been sending all along. Even our vet has called and left messages trying to get more info. It's unreal. I can't believe they would just ignore us like this, and we've been nothing but polite and patient in all our attempts to reach them. We're getting our lawyer involved at this point. It's ridiculous. We would really like to hear back in regards to the 30 day health guarantee my wife signed on 3/21 when we took her home, which states:
"To preserve your rights under the law, you must take your newly purchased dog to a licensed veterinarian for examination within 10 days of purchase. If a veterinarian determines, within 10 days of purchase, that your dog is clinically ill or has died from an injury sustained or illness likely to have been contracted on or before the date of sale and delivery, you have the following options:
(a) Return the dog for a complete refund; (b) Return the dog for a replacement dog of equal value; OR (c) Retain the dog and receive reimbursement for reasonable veterinary fees, not exceeding the purchase price. These options do not apply where a seller, who has provided a health certificate issued by a veterinarian, discloses in writing at the time of sale the health problem for which the buyer later seeks to return the dog."
Yes, we were provided with Healthcare information from an Animal Hospital dated from 3/4/23, which was 17 days before we took her home on 3/21. That's rather outdated in my option considering the age of the dog. That document stated she had been examined and that to the best of their knowledge the animal is free from contagious and infectious diseases, including rabies. It also says that a Fecal Analysis was never performed, which is concerning to us considering the issues we had with her stools the day we took her home.
We do not wish to return or exchange her. She is a member of our family now and we love her. What we do want is for the breeder to acknowledge that she clearly had a UTI at the time of purchase, not to mention the issues with her bowel movements that started on day one, but first they have to stop ignoring us.
So that's it. That's our last 5+ weeks in a nutshell. Does anyone have any advice?
Could we be doing something wrong? Could the Vet be missing something? Did this breeder screw us over despite their good reputation and reviews and health guarantees? Am I feeding her too much or something and her full stomach is putting pressure on her bladder? Could she literally just be incontinent and need to wear a diaper for the rest of her life?!
We are exhausted and at the end of our rope, and stressed out beyond belief. We love her and just want her to be happy and healthy, but it feels like it's just one thing after another. Pet insurance won't cover anything because this all started so quickly and is all a preexisting condition. I don't know how to potty train her anymore either. Despite all my reading and research, I must be doing something wrong, right? That, or she's still sick, or its something else now. I'm sure that her spending the last 5 weeks pretty much peeing whenever wherever isn't helping, but what can I do about that aside from what I'm already doing? I'll call the Vet tomorrow with an update, but they're just going to say what they already said to do... to continue with the antibiotics that are almost done now, and to do another urinalysis and refill the prescription and keep them going for a few more weeks and hope things conti ue to improve… and then to do another urine culture 5+ days after finally stopping the antibiotics. If it doesn't get better then the next step after that is seeing an internist where they'll shove a camera up her urethra to look at the inside of her bladder, which will cost another $1500-$2000, and they really seem to want us to schedule that now since the internist is busy and our appointment may not be as soon as it needs to be.
Has anyone experienced something like this with a new puppy and/or English Bulldog puppy before? I know English Bulldogs aren't the healthiest breed, but this seems like a bit much for having her barely over a month and with her being so young. The vet feels awful and is constantly calling to check up on her and just says she has "a very sick bladder" and that we're doing all we can to help her and that we need to stay the course and keep pushing through this, but to what end? When will she get better? When will we find an answer or root cause? Will we ever? We don't know. We're just doing our best to keep our heads above water and stay calm, but it's not easy at this point. Especially with the breeder completely ignoring us the way they are. We're just… we're burnt out, and we're scared how this is going to end. We're hoping someone here has something encouraging to say because the Vet has come right m out and said that this is not normal. She should not be having health issues like this at this age. Even they are concerned and seem unsure of what's going on and are desperate for answers. It just doesn't add up.
Thank you for reading this far. I'm sorry for such a long post, I just wanted to give you all the details so you could be informed and not have a ton of questions. With that said, any and all feedback or questions are welcome.
I look forward to hearing from the community on this. I really hope there's someone out there that's seen something similar and come out on the other side with positive results. We really need some sort of confirmation that there is a light at the end of this tunnel, and that things will get better and not just continue to get worse until something bad happens, like the unthinkable... how would we explain that to our young children? I can't even let myself think about that right now.
Thanks in advance for any support you can provide. All the best to you and your families, including all your furry, fluffy, feathery, or scaly family members!

After many years in my care, and my siblings realizing they can't, after all, take over, our mom is going into MC.
I don't know if she senses a change is coming, or if the timing is just uncanny, but she's been getting steadily worse before my eyes. Sleeping a lot more, making less and less sense, getting us up in the middle of the night/morning to argue about something she set up herself or had us do for her, or just not remembering why she woke us up.
I've been down to working very part time for a while, and today I had to call in late and bring her with me, because now even the one morning a week I work, when she's usually still asleep, she's awake and angry and confused and cannot be left alone.
Then I pull up reddit while waiting in the dark for her to no, really, please go the f to sleep, and read about all of you who are sticking it out through love or devotion or just having no other choice. It's not a competition, I know. It's just - damn. I can't do it. I read about being awake for 72 hours because a LO is up screaming all night, being verbally and/or physically attacked by LOs, the incontinence, etc. I am only getting through this sudden decline and nightly rigamarole because I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel in just a few weeks. I do not know how y'all do this. Mad respect, awe, and love. It's also hard to battle the feeling that I'm just giving up on my mom, getting rid of her, etc. My logical brain looks at the past near-decade of having her in my home, and knows that's not true. My mom has been my best friend my whole life. I was dreading this, but it's just getting so steadily worse, plus I'm dealing with my own health issues, sometimes the only way I'm managing is by knowing there's an end date coming.
I don't really know what I'm looking for here, probably just a vent. I can't really share this anywhere else, tbh.

Women in Menopause Are Getting Short Shrift Rachel E. Gross
After a decade working as an obstetrician-gynecologist, Marci Bowers thought she understood menopause. Whenever she saw a patient in her 40s or 50s, she knew to ask about things such as hot flashes, vaginal dryness, mood swings, and memory problems. And no matter what a patient’s concern was, Bowers almost always ended up prescribing the same thing. “Our answer was always estrogen,” she told me.
Then, in the mid-2000s, Bowers took over a gender-affirmation surgical practice in Colorado. In her new role, she began consultations by asking each patient what they wanted from their body—a question she’d never been trained to ask menopausal women. Over time, she grew comfortable bringing up tricky topics such as pleasure, desire, and sexuality, and prescribing testosterone as well as estrogen. That’s when she realized: Women in menopause were getting short shrift.
Menopause is a body-wide hormonal transition that affects virtually every organ, from skin to bones to brain. The same can be said of gender transition, which, like menopause, is often referred to by doctors and transgender patients as “a second puberty”: a roller coaster of physical and emotional changes, incited by a dramatic shift in hormones. But medicine has only recently begun connecting the dots. In the past few years, some doctors who typically treat transgender patients—urologists, gender-affirmation surgeons, sexual-medicine specialists—have begun moving into menopause care and bringing with them a new set of tools.
“In many ways, trans care is light years ahead of women’s care,” Kelly Casperson, a urologist and certified menopause provider in Washington State, told me. Providers who do both are well versed in the effects of hormones, attuned to concerns about sexual function, and empathetic toward people who have had their symptoms dismissed by providers. If the goal of menopause care isn’t just to help women survive but also to allow them to live their fullest life, providers would do well to borrow some insights from a field that has been doing just that for decades.
[From the October 2019 issue: The secret power of menopause]
American women’s relationship with estrogen has been a rocky one. In the 1960s, books such as Feminine Forever, written by the gynecologist Robert A. Wilson, framed estrogen as a magical substance that could make women once again attractive and sexually available, rendering the menopausal “much more pleasant to live with.” (The New York Times later reported that Wilson was paid by the manufacturer of Premarin, the most popular estrogen treatment at the time.) Later, the pitch switched to lifelong health. By 1992, Premarin was the most prescribed drug in the United States. By the end of the decade, 15 million women were on estrogen therapy, with or without progesterone, to treat their menopause symptoms.
Then, in 2002, a large clinical trial concluded that oral estrogen plus progesterone treatment was linked to an increased risk of stroke, heart disease, and breast cancer. The study was an imperfect measure of safety—it focused on older women rather than on the newly menopausal, and it tested only one type of estrogen—but oral-estrogen prescriptions still plummeted, from nearly a quarter of women over 40 to roughly 5 percent. Despite this blow to the hormone’s reputation, evidence has continued to pile up confirming that oral estrogen can help prevent bone loss and treat hot flashes and night sweats, though it can increase the risk of strokes for women over 60. Topical estrogen helps address genital symptoms, including vaginal dryness, irritation, and thinning of the tissues, as well as urinary issues such as chronic UTIs and incontinence.
But estrogen alone can’t address every menopause symptom, in part because estrogen is not the only hormone that’s in short supply during menopause; testosterone is too. Although researchers lack high-quality research on the role of testosterone in women over age 65, they know that in premenopausal women, it plays a role in bone density, heart health, metabolism, cognition, and the function of the ovaries and bladder. A 2022 review concluded, “Testosterone is a vital hormone in women in maintaining sexual health and function” after menopause.
Yet for decades, standard menopause care mostly ignored testosterone. Part of the reason is regulatory: Although estrogen has enjoyed FDA approval for menopausal symptoms since 1941, the agency has never green-lighted a testosterone treatment for women, largely because of scant research. That means doctors have to be familiar enough with the hormone to prescribe it off-label. And unlike estrogen, testosterone is a Schedule III controlled substance, which means more red tape. Some of Casperson’s female patients have had their testosterone prescription withheld by pharmacists; one was asked if she was undergoing gender transition.
[Helen Lewis: Capitalism has plans for menopause]
The other hurdle is cultural. These days, providers such as Casperson, as well as menopause-trained gynecologists, might prescribe testosterone to menopausal women experiencing difficulty with libido, arousal, and orgasm. Many women see improvements in these areas after a few months. But first, they have to get used to the idea of taking a hormone they’ve been told all their lives is for men, at just the time when their femininity can feel most tenuous (see: Feminine Forever). Here, too, experience in trans care can help: Casperson has talked many transmasculine patients through similar hesitations about using genital estrogen cream to balance out the side effects of their high testosterone doses. Taking estrogen, she tells those patients, “doesn’t mean you’re not who you want to be,” just as taking testosterone wouldn’t change a menopause patient’s gender identity.
Many trans-health providers have also honed their skills in speaking frankly about sexuality. That’s especially true for those who do surgeries that will affect a patient’s future sex life, Blair Peters, a plastic surgeon at Oregon Health & Science University who performs phalloplasties and vaginoplasties, told me. Experts I spoke with, including urologists and gynecologists with training in sexual health, said that gynecologists can often fall short in this regard. Despite treating vaginas for a living, they can often be uncomfortable bringing up sexual concerns with patients or inexperienced at treating issues beyond vaginal dryness. They can also assume, inaccurately, that concerns about vaginal discomfort always center on penetrative sex with a male partner, Tania Glyde, an LGBTQ+ therapist in London and the founder of the website Queer Menopause, told me. A 2022 survey of OB-GYN residency programs found that less than a third had a dedicated menopause curriculum.
Bowers, who is herself transgender, told me she got comfortable talking about sexuality in a clinical setting only after moving into trans care. If she were to return to gynecology today, she said, she would add some frank questions to her conversations with midlife patients who share that they’re having sexual issues: “Tell me about your sexuality. Tell me, are you happy with that? How long does it take you to orgasm? Do you masturbate? What do you use?”
Menopause care has already benefited from decades of effort by queer people, who have pushed doctors to pay more attention to a diversity of experiences. Research dating as far back as the 2000s that included lesbians going through menopause helped show that common menopause stereotypes, such as anxiety over remaining attractive to men and disconnect between members of a couple, were far from universal. Trans people, too, have benefited from advances in menopause care. Because both gender transition and menopause involve a sharp drop in estrogen, many transmasculine men who take testosterone also lose their period, and experience a similar (though more extreme) version of the genital dryness and irritation. That means they can benefit from treatments developed for menopausal women, as Tate Smith, a 25-year-old trans activist in the U.K., realized when he experienced genital pain and spotting after starting testosterone at 20. After he found relief with topical estrogen cream, he made an Instagram post coining the term trans male menopause to make sure more trans men were aware of the connection.
[Read: What menopause does to women’s brains]
The more menopause and gender care are considered together in medical settings, the better the outcomes will be for everyone involved. Yet menopause studies rarely consider trans men and nonbinary people, along with younger women and girls who experience menopause due to cancer treatment, surgery, or health conditions that affect ovarian function. Although these patient populations represent a small proportion of the patients going through menopause, their experiences can help researchers understand the effects of low estrogen across a range of bodies. Siloing off menopause from other relevant fields of medicine means menopausal women and trans people alike can miss out on knowledge and treatments that already exist.
Unlike gender transition, menopause is generally not chosen. But it too can be an opportunity for a person to make choices about what they want out of their changing body. Not all women in menopause are worried about their libido or interested in taking testosterone. Like trans patients, they deserve providers who listen to what they care about and then offer them a full range of options, not just a limited selection based on outdated notions of what menopause is supposed to be.

Hi all - I'm feeling pretty devastated with recent test results.

Background

I'm a 37 year old male and quite frustrated with my medical situation. As a disabled veteran, my medical care has been handled exclusively within the VA medical system. I've suffered from chronic pain, fatigue, anxiety and depression, and a host of other issues since around 2014. The VA has ruled out MS, RA, and a number of similarly presenting conditions with my PCP hinting at giving up on continued investigation in favor of writing this off as Fibromyalgia.
Last year, there was some brief exploration into whether or not thyroid disease might be an explanation. TSH came back normal, doctors shrugged and haven't mentioned the endocrine system since then. The VA has put a lot of emphasis on accepting the fact that this is my life for the rest of my life and that I need to come to terms with that fact. Until recently, I largely had.
Late last week as I struggled to climb the stairs in my house, supporting a fair bit of weight on either handrail, I realized that it wasn't my just my joints that hurt.

My bones hurt. I'm 37. That can't be right.

I looked through some of my old labs and noticed my calcium had been running towards the higher end of normal, with my last test showing 10.6 mg/dL (ref 8.4-10.2) sadly without PTH. I started reading to see what sort of impact high calcium might have upon the body, trying to understand if there might be a link between it and the various neuro-oddities I've been experiencing.
After coming across this community, I was struck with how similar many of your experiences were to mine and how dramatically surgery improved quality of life.
I did the bad thing and got my hopes up that I might finally have an answer. I messaged my PCP and requested the blood labs frequently suggested on this subreddit. Blood work was completed on Monday and results were made available today.

Symptoms

I check nearly every box on the Symptoms section of the handout that u/Paraware frequently shares around here with exception of: Osteoporosis, Breaking Teeth, Kidney Stones, Incontinence, Fractures, Itchy Skin.
Worth a quick note is that I haven't had a DEXA scan nor imaging of my kidneys, though I do frequently feel a brief, sharp pain in roughly that area. Also, while not incontinent, the time between my body notifying me and that rather critical make or break moment is occasionally quite short.
The one symptom I really struggle to describe and often has my doctors scratching their heads is this sensation of like... a ball of energy, nerves, spasms?, something moving around my body in waves. It doesn't hurt, but it's like a pressure or a noise.
Symptoms are often worst at night.

Monday's test

Test Name	Result	Units	Reference Range
PTH	40	mg/dL	25-65
Calcium	10.0	mg/dL	8.4-10.2
D (25-OH)	33.1	mg/dL	30-100
BUN	19	mg/dL	6-20
Creatinine	1.19	mg/dL	0.5-1.2
EGFR 2021	81

Previous tests

Date	Test Name	Result
Mar 2023	Calcium	10.6
Mar 2023	D (25-OH)	40.6
Mar 2023	Creatinine	1.19
Jan 2023	Calcium	9.9
Jan 2023	Creatinine	1.2
Mar 2022	Calcium	9.5
Mar 2022	Creatinine	1.43

The rug-pull

The thought that whatever it is that I'm experiencing might be correctable gave me hope like I haven't felt in a long, long time. Well, the test results are above. Everything's within normal tolerances. I'm fully expecting a message from my PCP indicating that we're dropping this line of inquiry and that they won't entertain any further lab requests in this direction.
Blood was taken first thing in the morning, when PTH and Calcium levels should be at their baseline. It also tends to be when my symptoms are at their most mild, while night time is absolute agony.
Any advice on next steps would be greatly appreciated. Not really sure where to go from here.

Thanks for reading <3

I’m 19F, and I have a pretty severe physical disability. I’ll try not to overload on details, but important context is that I struggle with incontinence, and walking for long periods of time is difficult, so leaving the house is often more trouble than it’s worth.
I have CPTSD, BPD, and I am autistic on top of my physical disability. Because of this, I was put on government disability payments. I currently live with my mom because it isn’t enough to pay rent, though I also receive food stamps.
I’m not able to attend college right now because of my health issues. I’m not sure I ever will be. I can’t do anything that would earn me money, as that would affect my payments. So, I spend my days in the house. I don’t go outside because there isn’t much to do in my area as well as my social anxiety. I do drive, which is a comfort, but not often as I don’t want to waste gas. I wear my AirPods almost 24/7. My father is an abusive alcoholic I am forced to live with, so I have no desire to interact with my family.
I draw, I write fanfiction, and I watch shows. That’s all I do. I live in my fantasy world, on social media, or in my phone. I have one close friend of 11 years I talk to daily. I occasionally text my sister. Beyond that, I rarely talk to anyone. I feel like I just don’t know how to anymore, or that no one would want to anyway because all I talk about are my childish hyperfixations.
I’m on dating apps, but nothing has panned out. I’ve become avoidant, terrified of letting people into the mess of my fold. And yes, I’m in therapy, and have been for 4 years. I’m medicated. But that doesn’t help me feel less bored, less tired of living this way. I’m from a very small town, and there’s not any local clubs or events to get involved in that aren’t religious (I’m not). Not even the public library has anything.
I’m sorry this was so long. I’m not sure how to end it, but I’m glad this sub exists. I hope people can find comfort in it.

First off I wish I had found this sub seven months ago instead of seven days ago. As tough as this all is, it's good to not feel like the only one, and to learn and share others' experiences.
I apologize for the length of this, as the header says this is my full experience to date and of course I'm still in the process.
TLDR - I'm 51. I had a PSA of 50+ seven months ago at my first physical in years, which went up ten points in the first month of monitoring; repeatedly labeled "very high risk" Gleason 8; saw lots of docs and got lots of scans, RARP surgery was recommended and what we wanted, needed to lose lots of weight to do it, was able to do so, had the surgery on 3/18, confirmed last week the surgeon got it all and no sampled lymph nodes were affected. Now working on post-RARP issues (incontinence, discomfort after sitting, and lack of *r*ctions) and the emotional effects of everything, past, present, and future. Follow-up appointments with each doc and ongoing PSA monitoring will be occurring.
Here's the full, very detailed timeline:
Sep 2023:
First physical in about 4 years thanks to pandemic and laziness. I had no noticeable symptoms of anything. A1C was high, PSA was high: 41. The provider, who seemed 19 years old, focused more on the A1C/diabetes and said "Oh, we'll get you in for a referral for the PSA, if they don't contact you in a month, let me know". My wife, who knows what that PSA meant, said oh HECK no and got me in (televisit) with a very experienced doctor within a day, at a different facility. Got additional labs a week later, returned PSA of 50-something.
October:
Biopsy (where I found out they can only use X amount of anesthetic, which was not enough for a big guy like me - I felt the last three samples, and this resulted in my first 'syncope' episode, passing out on the table. So that sucked.) 1 of 12 cores was positive, with a Gleason of 8 and the first time of many we heard "very high risk". Got a CT scan and MI whole body scan, neither of which showed anything else in other places.
Nov:
Met with radiation oncologist to start talking a plan. Got MRIs and PET scan showed nothing new. Got more labs, with an even higher PSA. Appointment with surgeon who said I needed to lose weight to be considered for RARP. Started aggressively monitoring my calories via LoseIt.
Dec:
Started on monthly doses of Lupron with my med onc, which technically began my actual treatment. He actually had a recommended treatment plan, instead of "here are your options, you pick". Goal was to lose enough weight to qualify for surgery, then monitor and if/when needed, move to radiation and more ADT.
Jan:
I met with the surgeon again and she said I was on track with losing weight to qualify for surgery so they booked it for March, assuming I would continue. My PSA at this visit was 2.9. At this surgery the topics we discussed, my weight loss/lack of calories, and the fact that everything hit me all at once, caused a second syncope episode. I was like "Does this seat fold down to a table? I'm about to pass out." And I did. They gave me a Snickers and some water, and I had been so aggressive with my calories, that Snickers was like manna from heaven. At an appointment later this month, PSA was 1.98.
Feb:
Continuing on with Lupron and weight loss. New PSA result: .75.
Mar:
I was able to lose about 15% of my weight over the past few months and qualify for surgery - RARP/RALP. The prep wasn't so bad, the anesthetic kicked in just as I was going into the OR and I didn't regain semi-full consciousness for 8 or so hours. But getting to this point was very nervous-making, it's a big thing and I had never had major surgery before. My family came to be with me and my wife in the waiting room and that meant a lot. Came home the next day, the first few days were rough with things like trying to get up out of bed and maneuver with a catheter (not a fan). The second morning home I woke up soaked in blood and fluids, turned out one of my entry points had broken its bandage or whatever in the night and leaked for a couple hours. It looked far worse than it actually was, but it was not a great way to greet the day (I felt dampness on my side and woke up my wife, saying "I think I leaked" and she came over and about had a heart attack with the blood-tinged fluids everywhere. We - she - was doing laundry all day.) The week with the catheter was tough. I wasn't eating much (was trying to drink a lot) and this week I had two more occurrences of syncope - while sitting on the toilet in the morning. Luckily I really had nowhere to go and each one was only a minute or so. The catheter was removed 8 days after, which was very freeing and not nearly as bad or uncomfortable as I was concerned about.
Apr:
At a post-op with the surgeon she confirmed she got it all and out of the many lymph nodes she took and sampled, none were affected. She did state there was one place where it looked like it was trying to get out but it hadn't yet. So based on everything we know, this was about the best possible outcome of surgery. That said, I'm going to my med onc tomorrow, and have appointments later this month with the surgeon's PA and the surgeon for more follow up and updated PSA tests.
Now I'm working on strengthening my continence, which is slow going, and she told me to try to have *r*ctions 3 times a week. I didn't tell her that hasn't happened since I was 25 and I'm not exactly in the mood right now but I am going to work on it.
I've also had a thing where after I'm sitting for more than 20 minutes or so, my rear gets quite uncomfortable, in addition to the inadvertent urination that comes when getting up and putting stress on the tubes and all. I did some googling and it looks like that first issue is not unheard of and should pass with time. I have started using a 'donut' cushion and I spend more time lying down than sitting straight up, that's more comfortable.
Other current side effects I'm experiencing are alternating being cold and having hot flashes, and emotional variability. At night I wake up every 1-2 hours feeling like I have to go to the bathroom (usually I am able to go at least a little bit, but getting out of bed often makes some come out.) My groinal area is uncomfortable as well, and I don't know if that's related to surgery, catheter, infection, or physical (due to the layers and layers I'm wearing to deal with incontinence.) Also, I recently started diabetes and high blood pressure medication, along with Mounjaro for weight loss, so I'm sure there's all sorts of weird stuff going on in my body.
Everything hits me occasionally and I sort of get frustrated with myself, the parts of my body that are very different now, and what the future holds in terms of quality of life and work to get to even partial normality, and I have a little bit of a breakdown, but I try to focus on the fact that as long as my PSA stays low this is really the ideal outcome that we were looking for six months ago.
Anyway, sorry for the length of this and I hope it's on-topic. (And because why not, I'm scheduled for my first colonoscopy in May.)
I wanted/needed to share - of course most all of this I share with my wife (whom I count my blessings for every day), some of it with family, less of it with a few close friends, but there's nothing like sharing and giving/getting support of people who are going through something similar.
Thanks for reading any portion of this that you read.

Hello everyone,
I'm a 24 yo guy, I've been in this sub for a year and a half now and I wanted to thank you all for creating a peaceful and safe space for men like this one, it has helped my growth as a person a lot.
I am one of the boys who was never taught how to be a man, I grew up without a father and with a feminist mother, emotional incontinence was the standard in my home. I was often scolded or belittled through the years for feeling uncomfortable sharing my worries and problems not to worry anyone else to the point that I thought I must have been malfunctional, that I would have never been able to have a girl or someone to share my life with, which made me angry and reject growing up and adopting personal responsabilities or becoming an adult in general. I felt like a complete failure.
That caused me a lot of trouble and it took me 7 years to find stability. Thankfully I've found valuable friends who kept me up during hard times and spaces like this sub to have a proper discussion about what manliness should mean and how to make it valuable.
Now I'm back on my feet, finishing my studies, got a job I enjoy and I'm dating a girl, my friends are still with me and my life is starting to look like something worth living and fighting for.
Thanks again, keep this place up for those who need it and reject the hate, it's worth the effort.
Have a great day 0/

TLDR: I realised from 1 Cor. 7:1-9, Mark 12:25 and Prov. 5:15-19 that the ideal for Christians is chastity and the containment of romantic and sexual desire, but marriage is permitted as a godly and virtuous institution for one man and one woman (Matt. 19:3-6). I believe these texts get to the heart of the issues surrounding homosexuality and gay marriage, that is, God’s will regarding human romantic and sexual desire, which is why they convinced me rather than the more commonly used texts (Lev. 18, 20; 1 Cor. 6; Rom. 1).
—
I was not a normal gay-affirming Christian as I confessed (and still do confess) sola scriptura and the infallibility of Scripture. Due to this, I never doubted that the Biblical doctrine of marriage allows only for the monogamous union of a man and a woman (Gen. 2:24; Deut. 17:17; Matt. 19:3-6; 1 Cor. 7:2). Although Matt. 19 and 1 Cor. 7 do not contain definitions of marriage, it is evident in them that God’s creation of men and women is the reason or basis for the institution of marriage.
I also never doubted that God condemned sodomy (anal sexual intercourse) which is evident in Lev. 18:22 and 20:13. As a side note, there is dispute about these verses today among scholars. In my journey to Protestantism from Roman Catholicism which I was raised in, I always wanted to find Protestant doctrine in early Christian writings, because I believed that true doctrine would not be lost in the Church. Thus, I wanted to find a confirmation of my exegesis of Leviticus in historical writings. However, when I looked at Christian commentary on these verses, I found it vague on the details of precisely what is condemned. Jewish commentary is more explicit, and Rashi, Chizkuni and Sanhedrin 54a:29-31 of the Babylonian Talmud agree that the Leviticus passages condemn anal intercourse. It’s also observed by the NET and ESV translators that Leviticus 18 and 20 refer to homosexual intercourse. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 and 1 Timothy 1:10 also indisputably condemn homosexual intercourse by making reference to the Septuagint’s translation of Leviticus 18 and 20. Additionally, Jude 7 seems to condemn sodomy, though more abstractly.
The knowledge of the Biblical view on marriage and sodomy led to me promising to God, around age 16, that I would never marry a man or engage in sodomy. I felt, however, that this left open a possibility to pursue homosexual romance outside of marriage (a dating/boyfriend situation). And I persisted with this view for about five years, though in the past few months I had serious doubts about it due to life experience and Scripture, as I will explain.
While I took the common evangelical/conservative position on Leviticus 18 and 20, I disagree (and still do disagree) with the common interpretation of Romans 1:26-27.

For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: 27 And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet. (Rom. 1:26-27)

This condemns homosexual intercourse only as heterosexuals give their natural inclinations up (‘their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: […] the men, leaving the natural use of the woman’). I think the people of this time would have known that Paul was alluding to pederasty or sodomy as a social act which was very common in the Greco-Roman world (e.g., Alcibiades’ behaviour towards Socrates in Plato’s Symposium). John Chrysostom said that Paul ‘deprives’ these men and women of excuse by emphasising that they ‘changed the natural use’ and so cannot say that they had ‘no means to fulfil their desire’. So it seems that, according to Chrysostom, Paul is condemning heterosexuals who exchanged their natural desire for an unnatural one, rather than homosexuals who always experienced an unnatural desire and never exchanged heterosexuality for homosexuality.

All these affections then were vile, but chiefly the mad lust after males; for the soul is more the sufferer in sins, and more dishonored, than the body in diseases. But behold how here too, as in the case of the doctrines, he deprives them of excuse, by saying of the women, that “they changed the natural use.” For no one, he means, can say that it was by being hindered of legitimate intercourse that they came to this pass, or that it was from having no means to fulfil their desire that they were driven into this monstrous insanity. For the changing implies possession. (Homily 4 on Romans)

After reaching this conclusion about Scripture, I studied the Westminster Larger Catechism and the Heidelberg Catechism and their references to sexuality, but remained convinced of my position. I will ashamedly admit that it was only after humbling experiences when attempting to pursue homosexual relationships, that my heart was softened towards Scripture and the confessions, and I began to interpret them more conservatively (as I had seen the misery of homosexuality and slavery to sin). However, I do remember, when analysing the three texts that fully convinced me (1 Cor. 7, Mark 12 and Prov. 5), that I was left with a sense of doubt in my mind about my position, which I suppressed due to the desire to have a homosexual relationship.
With this doubt floating around in my mind, and after experiencing misery and pain due to homosexual relationships, I read a report from the Presbyterian Church in America’s 2019 Committee on Human Sexuality, which I highly recommend to anyone who wants a comprehensive examination of this issue. The report made me revisit the three texts that I never fully reconciled with.

Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. 4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. 5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. 6 But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment. 7 For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. 8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. 9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn. (1 Corinthians 7:1-9)
For when they shall rise from the dead, they neither marry, nor are given in marriage; but are as the angels which are in heaven. (Mark 12:25)
Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well. 16 Let thy fountains be dispersed abroad, and rivers of waters in the streets. 17 Let them be only thine own, and not strangers’ with thee. 18 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. 19 Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love. (Proverbs 5:15-19)

I should also mention the Heidelberg Catechism, which summarises this doctrine well.

Question 108: What doth the seventh commandment teach us?
Answer: That all uncleanness is accursed of God; (Lev. 18:27) and that therefore we must with all our hearts detest the same, (Deut. 29:20-23) and live chastely and temperately, (1 Thess. 4:3-4) whether in holy wedlock or in single life. (Heb. 13:4; 1 Cor. 7:4-9)
Question 109: Doth God forbid in this commandment only adultery and such like gross sins?
Answer: Since both our body and soul are temples of the Holy Ghost, He commands us to preserve them pure and holy; therefore He forbids all unchaste actions, gestures, (Eph. 5:3; 1 Cor. 6:18) words, thoughts, desires, (Matt. 5:28) and whatever can entice men thereto. (Eph. 5:18; 1 Cor. 15:33)

What I realised is that Christians are to live chastely, preferably ‘as the angels which are in heaven’ (which we all will be when resurrected). That is, containing desire and not burning therewith (1 Cor. 7:9). A romantic relationship always fosters the flame of desire, and thus cannot be permitted. However, as Paul explains, following God’s counsel, marriage is given as a concession or a permission for one man and one woman. This option is not available to homosexuals, who must therefore contain their sinful desires in chastity.
I realised this months ago, but was unable to accept it due to my attachment to sin. Last week, by God’s grace, a friend of mine sent me a devotion written by members of her church, which mentioned Christ’s prayer in Gethsemane; And he said, Abba, Father, all things are possible unto thee; take away this cup from me: nevertheless not what I will, but what thou wilt. (Mark 14:36) The reminder of these words of Christ finally gave me the strength to accept celibacy and chastity. The answer to my dilemma suddenly became obvious in light of Christ’s example. I repented of my sinful desires to God, and did not doubt that I was forgiven. I wept due to the sheer depth and beauty of Christ’s mercy and love for a pathetic sinner such as myself.

I (22 year old) am permanently paralyzed from the top of my chest down since 2022 (arms, shoulders & wrists still work), I have ARFID (eating disorder) and Epilepsy.
My life is so complicated like I don't see anyway to go out because I face things like incontinence (I have a catheter). Like who would want to wake up next to someone who can shit in their bed at any moment (stupid bowel).
And aside of that, who wants to deal with my eating disorder, its such a big struggle... that is also why I never dated before getting paralyzed, because I was too afraid of getting commented on it like "Oh you don't like that... weird..."
I have tinder but when I open it I just close it right away because it doesn't make sense to even try with all my issues. I would be lying too, my pictures aren't up to date and I hate pictures of me in my manual wheelchair. It also would feel super lame for me showing up in a wheelchair taxi. I also live in a dead town with about 7000 citizens.
I cannot just get out of my chair and cuddle on the couch, walk hand in hand or stuff like that 😞
Im genuinely lost.


FINANCIALS

Period: FY/2023
Filling Date: 2024-03-26
REVENUE:
Revenue: $50.22M
Gross Profit: $24.35M (48.47%)
Result: $23.09M (ebitda)
EPS: $4.57
Outstanding Shares: 3.64M
BALANCE:
Cash: -92.87M
Debt: 295 000
FINANCIAL EVALUATION/SCORE:
Financial Score - Altman: 24.33
Financial Score - Piotroski: 6.00
Utah Medical Products Inc's price movement correlates with the following stocks:
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Summary Of Last Earnings call:

• The transcript covers a recent interview with the CEO of a successful tech company.
• The CEO discusses the company's current performance and future strategies.
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• The company's focus on sustainability and social responsibility is evident throughout the discussion.
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Company Description:
Utah Medical Products, Inc. develops, manufactures, and distributes medical devices for the healthcare industry. The company offers fetal monitoring accessories, vacuum-assisted delivery systems, and other labor and delivery tools; DISPOSA-HOOD infant respiratory hoods; and DELTRAN PLUS blood pressure monitoring systems. It also provides GESCO umbilical vessel catheters; DIALY-NATE disposable peritoneal dialysis sets; PALA-NATE silicone oral protection devices; URI-CATH urinary drainage systems; NUTRI-CATH\NUTRI-LOK feeding device; MYELO-NATE lumbar sampling kits; HEMO-NATE disposable filters; and catheterization procedure tray of instruments and supplies. In addition, the company offers LETZ system to excise cervical intraepithelial neoplasia and other lower genital tract lesions; FINESSE+ generators; loop, ball, and needle electrodes; FILTRESSE evacuators; other specialty electrodes and supplies, and gynecologic tools; Femcare trocars, cannulae, laparoscopic instruments, and accessories; and EPITOME and OptiMicro electrosurgical devices. Further, it provides Filshie Clip female surgical contraception devices; PATHFINDER PLUS endoscopic irrigation devices; suprapubic catheterization; LIBERTY urinary incontinence treatment and control systems; ENDOCURETTE, a curette for uterine endometrial tissue sampling; TVUS/HSG-Cath to assess abnormal or dysfunctional uterine bleeding and other abnormalities of uterus; and LUMIN tool to manipulate the uterus in laparoscopic procedures. Additionally, the company offers DELTRAN, a disposable pressure transducer; and pressure monitoring accessories, components, and other molded parts. It serves neonatal intensive care units, labor and delivery departments, women's health centers in hospitals, outpatient clinics, and physician's offices through direct customer service and sales force, independent consultants, and manufacturer representatives. The company was incorporated in 1978 and is headquartered in Midvale, Utah.
Full fundamentals fundamentals for UTMD here.

Hey there! So sorry in advance this is so long but there a tldr at the end and it’s only this long cause 1. I do genuinely believe everything that’s happening has a similar root cause, my drs have just been looking in the wrong places, and 2.at this point I have no clue what’s happening so I figured my best bet while waiting for specialist appts is to ask on here as my old family dr was finally starting to investigate my lungs but I ultimately don’t think that’s the root of my issues so I think it’ll be a few years before I get any formal diagnosis if I let drs continue leading the way as the Ontario public health system sucks :( anyway going chronologically:
At aprox three years old I (21f) had Henoch-Schönlein purpura which resulted in a hospital visit with concern for my intestines and kidneys but no surgery was needed from what my mom has told me,
had a brief incident of hives in the third grade but went away with Benedryll (I have no known allergies that cause hives but I don’t believe I’ve ever had any allergy testing) Then when I was 15/16 at my first job I started having nausea episodes where after being in the heat I would throw up upon entering an air conditioned space, I assumed it was just dehydration at the time.
I believe it was a few months later that I started having issues standing for a long time, even if on a standing mat (the ones they give you when you’re working at grocery stores, I was working in a pharmacy on a laminate floor I believe? Might not have been laminate but it wasn’t tile, wood or if it was carpet it was the short hard kind) and had to be given a chair as my hips and tailbone became so sore I could not continue standing I would become so fatigued. Changed to a receptionist job at a gym with very minimal heavy lifting and things were cool for a few years, then right before covid hit my then boyfriends sister had taken a trip to Peru and got super sick with a covid like illness (but I’ll never know if it actually was as she got sick in September 2019 and I got sick in November 2019 so before anyone knew covid existed) which the then boyfriend and I also caught, I was given a heavy duty cough syrup because his mother was woken up a few times by my cough while I was sleeping so it was pretty gnarly, was also prescribed a steroid medication and some puffers but didn’t use any at the time, a few months later (prob February) I was working at Walmart and did a car pick up grocery order and while I was walking back inside the store I noticed I was having a really hard time breathing the colder air, when I got inside I had someone bring my puffers from home and I figured that was that. Now I’m not 100% sure when the weight loss started but at some point during late 2020 and early 2021 (puffer incident happened early 2020) I started losing weight, I started at around 185 and my current weight is fluctuates between 115-120 but I know it’s dropped lower, but to be honest I was pretty scared to weigh myself and know just how much I had dropped as at the time I figured it was just diet changes and everything going on in the world was affecting my appetite or getting older as I was freshly 19 at the time and I figured it prob just had something to do with that, however as the spring came around I started to have massive fatigue episodes and was no longer able to get myself out of bed for very much as the energy just wasn’t there physically, I was sleeping all the time when I’ve had issues with insomnia my entire life and all of a sudden I was so tired I needed to sleep at least 14 hours with at least one nap or I would be exhausted. I started to go through a lot of stress and that partner and I ended up breaking up, I switched to working at a pizza place since I couldn’t work at Walmart due to the back pain and but mostly cause working there during covid was genuinely scary sometimes lmao. Around the same time as the appetite issues started I also started smoking a lot more weed as it was really the only thing that gave me a normal hunger que, otherwise I was just super nauseous, although I’ve always had issues with avoiding restrictive food issues so I’m not sure if it was just helping that, but met my current partner and during our first year of dating we took a few trips to Algonquin park and did some trails in the summer and winter and camped as well, one of trails we did was the centennial ridges trail in 4 hours, which if you aren’t familiar with it is a 10.4 km trail that has an elevation gain of 400 m, that was in June 2022 and the last time we went to the park I was too fatigued to do any trails, although it was late October 2023 so I figured it was prob just cause of the cold. I had some mild incontinence issues where I would suddenly need to pee so bad I felt as if I was holding it for hours and a few times I completely wet myself on the way to the bathroom. At some point I fell off my porch when the railing fell back, although I caught myself with my core and had horrible back pain in the days following, to the point where I woke up one night in so much pain I had to lay on the floor trying to stretch until I started sobbing and my partner woke up, he took me to the ER since then I’ve had a slow deterioration in condition with my back pain and fatigue getting worse, I’m not sure when exactly they started but I have rice shaped mucous throughout my sinuses, which I brought up to my dr with concerns about my uncle who passed away from multiple sclerosis, which I know it’s genetic but as I already had the one auto immune disease, my mom was just a little worried and would rather I get it checked out, my dr dismissed it after sending me for a chest X-ray and seeing nothing and I just figured I would deal with it until smth came up and find a new dr on the recommendation of some friends and coworkers and a referral to my boss’ dr who she said was fantastic for her, so I got an appt scheduled with him on March 5th but Something did infact come up and it was specks of bright red blood, I’m still unsure if it was from the intensity of my coughing and it was just a small cut in my throat as I did have a bit of a scratch throat as well, or if it was from my lungs so I scheduled an emergency appt in November 2023 where I was prescribed doxycycline and had a ct scan scheduled for March 1st, While waiting for the cat scan this winter I started having tingling numbness in my feet and the muscles spasms I’ve gotten for years started getting much worse and more frequent, mostly triggered by over use or exposure to the cold, most notably if I went into my garage without shoes on, but with heavy socks, if I spent more than five minutes outside, just standing on the steps and smoking a bowl usually before I start cooking to get my appetite going for a meal, I would then have burning pains usually in my right leg but occasionally in the left or both, to the point where it felt like my foot had caught on fire and I would have to sit down until the feeling passed. Would also get a more mild form that just felt like I was getting electric shocks up my foot and leg the day after my scan my drs office called and explained that I had mucous plugs and infected tissue that doesn’t make sense with the prescription of the doxycycline, so he referred me to a respirologist for that, and I brought up that I thought the back pain is probably affecting my lungs as I can’t usually fully expel my lungs when I cough as my back seizes up, he sent me for an X-ray of my spine and some blood tests, gonna include all the weird results in the tldr as nothing has ever been off enough to diagnose or even be consistent enough to move towards a diagnosis, and when he gave me a call back he said that I had mild scoliosis but nothing that he would think would cause the level of pain. I figured that was that and I would just wait until the specialists however two days ago after cooking and running some errands on a day off, and the day before taking apart a wooden and building a steel frame bed, I got hit with the same level of pain as when I fell off the porch, I woke up at 4 am crying and my partner took me into the er where they were super nice at first, gave me a naproxen shot and sent me for an X-ray, however the dr on staff at the moment absolutely did not agree that I had scoliosis and sent me home with literally no answers at all, I asked if he had any information he could give me and he just told me it’s a family doctor issue and I would have to go through them, however I’ve been trying to get answers for five years, three of which have been with this dr who is not helping at all and I’m at a point now where it feels like I’ll never be able to do the things I love again without constant pain, I’ve been using a cane for the past three days cause if the back pain stopping me from being able to stand up or sit down or cough or bend or lean or live and I just wanna know if there’s any specialists or things I should mention to my dr that may help them narrow things down
TLDR: history of autoimmune but no allergies, some hives growing up, chronic insomnia, anxiety, depression, back pain started around 15 with nausea spells aftwr hot outside then air conditioned inside late 2019 got sick pre-covid, started having issues in cold weather with breathing 1 year later weight started dropping, went from aprox 185- aprox 115 lbs became fatigued more and more over the next two years with high stress, minor incontinence unable to make it to bathroom every once in a while maybe a few times a year, used to be able to do 10.4K, 400 m ascent hike, fell off porch and back pain worsened, 1yr later this winter, started having electric shock like pains in the cold and occasionally felt like feet were on fire for up to twenty minutes, rice shaped mucous thru out sinuses, ct scan reviled mucous plugs and infected lung tissue despite doxycycline course, one dr said mild scoliosis, emerg room said absolutely no scoliosis
Went for cbc test from walk in clinic in may 2021, 97 ug/l ferritin Started seeing fam dr in July 2021, started taking straterra but grandfather died and I forgot to take a bunch of doses and the nausea when I restarted was so bad I couldn’t continue, have not tried a new one since I’ve been focus on figuring out what else is wrong Went for cbc thru fam dr aug 2023 193 pmol/L b12, 46 nmol/L 25 hydroxy vitamin D, 347 g/L mean cell hemoglobin concentration
Took vitamin d and b12 on and off inbetween but never felt like it did much so when I forgot I wasn’t too bothered Most recent blood test sent for by same dr, new fam dr also did std test, everything was clean, did not check b12 or d, sedimentation rate was 22 mm/hr, also checked rhumatoid factor, c-reactive, HLA, ALT, and antinuclear antibody and all were good